#im happy to say ive grown a lot since then tho so i wanted to update my headcanons to reflect that

[sammylovesbendy]

feel like changing around some of my queer hcs so heres that

sammy- nonbinary gay man (hes always been this i just dont talk abt him being enby very much since i dont think he thinks about it much)

ink demon- agender + intersex + arospec (hes unlabeled sexually bc i dont think he really cares about labels, those two are more of guides ig?)

alice- trans woman + demiromantic + sapphic (im open to the possibility of susie being attracted to some men, i think shes usually more attracted to fem aligned people tho)

allison- demigirl + bi (listen. i dont like tom very much since he killed sammy. but i acknowledge that pre-him being a dog they were a thing. i just dont... ship her with a dog man lol)

jack- bi ace (this is the same as its been)

henry- pan aspec (this is also the same as its been. love you old king)

joey- gay fruit man (this is basically canon)

projectionist- aroace (hes just some old man)

audrey- agender aroace (heehee shes just like me fr. idk i think it suits her)

#these were very much in need of some updates since i made all of the old ones when i was like 13 #back in the day it was really normal to look down on any attraction that could be considered straight #but yeah i was def guilty of that #im happy to say ive grown a lot since then tho so i wanted to update my headcanons to reflect that #batim #bendy and the ink machine #batdr #bendy and the dark revival

[aro-culture-is]

I accepted my asexuality pretty quickly. The country i live in sees the topic of sex as taboo and its never talked about. NEVER. Its toxic and bad but meh, its the culture. Maybe the reason i never had a problem with it was becauss im asexual.

But realising i might be aro is not. Im struggling with internalized arophobia. Im having identity crisis and existential crisis. And ive heard being aro/ace can be due to trauma? Is that real? Because if it is, lots of things start to make sense about me. Aplatonic aros? Is that a thing too? Ive always felt unfit. Never wanted a friend but seeing everyone in a group or with someone made me feel unworthy and broken from a young age. I don't want a traditional family and i feel like the one i currently am in would've gotten rid of me a long time ago if they could. My dad never kept it a secret how he disliked us, i know my mom sees me as a failure even tho she reassures me, and my brother's world is totally different from me. The few friends i managed to keep throughout the years either gotten on with their lives or found better people. What's the point of living then? Am i even human? How are other aros doing it? Am i aro or just a really shitty person who lost faith in love a long time ago? I need help

hi,

for one, yes - being a-spec can be due to trauma. There's even a microlabel for being aro (caedromantic) or ace (caedsexual) due to trauma.

aplatonic (apl) aros are absolutely a thing!

I'm so very sorry that you've had such a terrible experience with your family. Coming from an emotionally abusive household, I know how much it can completely change how you interact with others. If it is available and mental health services are okay in your country, I'd really recommend seeing a therapist. Even if you don't discuss aromanticism, asexuality, or aplatonicism, it's worth discussing with a professional about the ways you have been affected by the trauma of a family that never seems to accept you.

speaking again as a traumatized individual - as i've worked on my mental health, accepting my trauma, and moving forwards from my trauma, I personally have only grown more capable of accepting myself as aromantic and aplatonic-spectrum. I've learned that my life is my own; I can define what makes me happy in life and seek that, even if others will never understand.

I don't enjoy romantic relationships or living with others - so for me, my ideal future involves planning around living alone and what makes me happiest within that framework. I've considered that I do still get lonely, and that I'd love to have a cat - probably two, since some research seems to indicate cats generally are better adjusted when there are two.

I've thought about how I use my time - I'm disabled and in literal, full-body physical pain 24/7. Going places is an activity that requires me to plan recovery time, so I work especially hard to make my daily living comfortable. I'm currently working on finding little ways to make my life easier - putting meds, food, and water within easy reach of my bed and desk, for example - and learning to allow myself to enjoy those little things.

There's a certain amount of childish glee I'm learning to allow myself to enjoy from small activities. Those, for me, are a primary set of reasons to live. I enjoy my lotions, I eat breakfast for every meal, I lipsync in my bathroom mirror and giggle at my expressions. I learn to live as myself and I learn to see the small joys in it.

This isn't to suggest you aren't trying hard enough to find those joys! I don't think I truly could have done this without anti-depressants, therapy, and supportive friends (friendship is... complicated for me). You will have your own path forwards. I promise that with time and practice, things get better. It's rarely a sudden moment of change. It's often a sensation of taking a deep breath, saying to yourself "I am allowed to feel this way, and I am allowed to do what helps me feel better", and learning to comfort yourself. It's like seeing an echo of your younger self desperately trying not to cry, and realizing that they still exist within you, and you are now also the adult comforting that child, parenting yourself through things your parents never prepared you for.

I really, really hope things improve for you. You deserve to enjoy life. You deserve to not hurt.

#Anonymous #not aro culture #aro #aromantic #actually aro #actually aromantic #apl #ask #mod alexander #suicidal ideation cw #suicide cw #internalized arophobia cw #internalized apl antagonism cw #abuse cw #ask to tag #if there are more cw/tw tags you'd like #this is... rough #i really feel for anon #if anyone can provide additional comments please do so

[taegularities]

RID HELLO MY LOVE 🫶🫶🫶

im so sorry for disappearing again ☹️ my dad had a health scare and if you know me, you know that i drop everything for that man no matter what ‼️ ive been so MIA from tumblr, i feel so so bad!!

but on a lighter note, i do think im back for a bit now 🙏 i vaguely scrolled through your blog to catch up and o my gee i have a lot of reading to do (i cant wait to reenter my cmi world 🥺🥺)

i do want to say tho... i am truly sorry for continuously disappearing. ☹️ the lack of support from my end, combined with a bunch of other tumblr users leaving, mustve been very difficult as a creator. i also saw mentions of you wanting to discontinue your stories... however whether or not im actively reading each chapter, im always looking forward to it. 🙏cmi, as well as you in general, has truly helped me in such dark times... its a place of comfort ❤️ even though i may not actively wait for the chapters, i do count down the days in which i can sit down and read my babies story (they are literally my children no one can tell me otherwise) 🥺

whatever decision you make on them, i will support you, however i am #teamcontinuecmi 🙏

ALSO I SAW THERES A NEW C&F ONESHOT COMING SOON?? HOW EXCITING!!!!

i hope you are doing well, i would love love love some updates on uni and work since i have been absent for so long 🫶

- wife from war anon 💂‍♀️

oh gosh, babe 😭 you don't have to feel bad at all!!! i've been not been extremely active either, and i feel like everyone else's been feeling the same :') i'm ngl, i definitely missed you — thought about you p much before you sent this ask. but i always, always tell you to put yourself first and take your time. i hope your dad's okay!!

ahh, yes, it's been rough on tumblr and yeah i did have a couple thoughts about discontinuing cmi/leaving tumblr in general bc things feel mmh changed? those thoughts aren't rare, and very scary. but it's also hard leaving behind people like you and characters like them, because i've grown to love them like actual people and you like my rl friends. i'm so so happy you find comfort in them, my blog and me, it's all i ever want :( tyt with catching up, i can't wait to hear what you think!!

AND YES c&f oneshot coming soon!! praying for time and motivation though lmao!! love you and hope you're okay 🤍

#comfort is one of my fav words so when someone finds it in me.. it just genuinely means everything to me #also uni and work are okay babe!! im enjoying work but uni is KILLING me so that's also why i've been so absent 😂 #like i barely get a second to breathe or be with myself these days so yeah!! but we move!! 🤍 how's it all for you? #notes for rid 🌹 #wife from war anon 💂🏻 #fic: colour me in #fic: candles & flames

[reficu1]

hiiii ^^ was wondering if I could have a matchup for genshin?

name: Periwinkle or just Peri but i also go by quin sometimes

sexuality: bi with a preference for guys

gender: non-binary, they/them

likes: music, art, true crime, animals but especially sea creatures, makeup, fashion, the cold, dark psychology, night, horror movies an books, gore, monsters <3, tropical fruits, icecream, sleeping, giving gifts, snow, thunderstorms, nature, and dinosaurs lmao.

dislikes: rules, anyone super serious reminds me of my m o m lmao, people who interrupt others, sports, heat, people touching my sides without warning me first, people not paying attention to me when i talk, people who always hold a pity party for themselves as their whole personality, koalas, and people who think they have it worse than you.

hobbies: singing, poetry, painting, sketching, writing, cooking, crocheting, bike riding while listening to music, swimming, video games like (skyrim, minecraft, botw, subnautica)

personality: INFP-A. a lot of people say i seem intimidating at first glance, i'm very aggressive and tend to be very loud by nature yet not very energetic if that makes sense. i talk too loud basically lmao. im socially awkward and try to make people too comfy too quick and tend to overshare. my mood changes rapidly due to being a borderline. I have a very happy personality tho and laugh at so much its ridiculous yet im diagnosed with multiple mental disorders. im really lazy and hate even standing for more than 5 mins mainly cuz my whole body always hurts tho lmao. im quite introverted and unless i HAVE to i hate going out and meeting new people. i isolate myself a lot if i get even slightly mad or sad. i have a lot of self-destructive habits and just dont work on them lmao. i talk a lot about things i like. i have bad trust and attachment issues yet i dont completely trust anyone due to past issues. a lot of people ik say im someone very trustworthy since i can keep secrets and know how to stay loyal and help people when they need to vent. im very blunt to the point it has ruined relationships. i try to watch my speaking due to having grown up in an environment where if i said anything wrong id be screamed at or beat so i tend not to say a lot of things im thinking despite being blunt. i can barely speak up for myself if someone is mad at me for fear of them hating me or leaving me, to the point if i stand up for myself i start crying and shaking and have to leave the room. i have really bad issues with self-harm. i have a very short attention span and get distracted super easy t the point i can barely read properly lmao. im really hypersexual at times and then sex repulsed at other times. i have an obsessive personality and if i find anything i like i surround myself with it as much as i can and if not, im daydreaming abt it. i have a thing for correcting people abt anything ik a lot about. i have a thing for loving anyone, whether real or fake, that's usually unliked whether its for being weird, scary, or ugly in any form. so basically i love the unloveable cuz i understand them. i cuss a l o t lmao. im very clumsy and jumpy at all times lmao i get hurt a lot, randoms bruises everywhere. i find comfort in my depression so i dont plan on getting better but im not suicidal. im the type of person to be like "huh?" even tho i heard you loud and clear.

insecurities: my body. i'm overweight for my height and have really defined curves so i get oversexualized a lot so i hate my body, plus my scars do n o t help. ive been told my whole life by my grandma and my cousins that im only good for my body so yeah. the way i get obsessed with things and people so easily. the fact im very poor and currently am homeless along with my parents lmao. the way i look for bad in anyone i like becuz i dont want to let myself love ever again. how i dont want to get better at all, i just wanna stew in my shit lmaoooo. the way i eat really unhealthily. how when i would cry as a child my family would say i was being dramatic so now when i need to cry i gaslight myself into thinking im being cringe. the way i try to seem a bit cooler than i am in front of people online. my impulsive lying (im working on it with my therapist tho so i barely do anymore compared to before). My taste in people. my fashion sense cuz of my mom. the way im agnostic now since i grew up religious. my darker interests. my boyish personality. how i cant keep anything around me clean for more than two days.

I hope you have a great night/day ^^

Oh, it's sad how similar we are. I hope that in the future you will get rid of people who make you uncomfortable, or your parents will change their parenting methods. Although the scars on the body and on the nervous system will remain.

I match up for you...

Okay, it was difficult. I chose between two characters whose 7 is dominant in the enneagram, because of this they avoid their problems _(._.)_well...

I wanted to choose Venti, but he has huge problems with responsibility or absence. He is used to drowning out moral pain with optimism, conversations, and a penchant for bad habits. And a pretty sloppy attitude.

That's why I chose Child. Of course, I don’t know what will happen in the future and whether you want to have a family, so I will talk about his family in Snezhnaya. For the comfort of his family, he will do everything. Just look at his spoiled younger brother<^!^> Of course, the "lie" question bothers me. In his case, it is rather "a lie for the good" and "a wolf in sheep's clothing." The first is for the family so that they do not worry, and the other for his work. I talked earlier about avoiding reality or problems. Tartaglia has a tendency to avoid real issues that only concern his life and injuries. In conversation, he avoids the question by making a joke out of it, so as not to begin to study himself deeply. Since you don't really like touch, I see that his love language is deeds, gifts, money.

#genshin match up #genshin matchups #genshin impact x reader #genshin x reader #tartaglia x you #tartaglia x reader

[post-office-by-the-bay]

hi covey!!!!

i havent been able to respond and interact with all ur posts since im not home atm but im sitting in hotel room bed writing this rn so! i have found my way to your other account tho😈 so im gonna write a little rant i hope you dont mind (even tho thats kinda what the account is made for, i still feel weird doing it!!) so feel free to ignore i just reallt want rant!

also wanna start it off by saying i hope youve been doing well and the college stress isnt affecting you too much!!

okiiii so anyway its my birthday tofay 😜😜 and for my bday weekend we went to chicago since its pretty close to where i live and i thiight it would be fun but sometjkng about me is just that i hate being away from home like idk i just love my room so idk why i wanted to do thid for my bday but ANYWAY.

friday and saturday were oretty fun even tho its so cold out but ive had an overall good time! the obly downside is my DAD bro. i dont think hes ever experienced true happiness in hus life bc if any tiny bad thing happens he gets so MAD and for NO REASON. i try to stay happy but its literally such a mood killer like how am i supoosed to enjoy my time wjen ur over here bitching and complaing about not getting the corner booth like. get over pls shut up i wanna be happy.

and then today i thoight we were gonna go to this museum and then meet up with my brither to go to the sears/willis tower but it got completely changed and i was so confused and we didnt do anytbing k wanted to do that day. like i wanted kbbq as my bday dinner like it was the MAIN reason i wanted to go to chicaho but they switched uo and said it was too far away. like okay then… im like fine whatever just choose some place else bc idk what i want and i dont wanna decide and THEY KEPT ASKING ME AND BOTHERING ME LIKE PLS LEAVE ME ALONE. and then we were just walking around everywhere trying to fund a place to eat and i was getting annoyed so i just said olay i wanna go here, AND THEY JUSR GO SOMEWHERE ELSE EVEN THO THEY WERE ASKING ME WHERE I WANTED TO GO??? pls.. jusg make up ur mind. and then when we finally got to a place bc i was like yall im tired lets just go to fresking shake shack they starting bitching about the prices and i get we dont have a lot of money but it just made me feel so guilty??

anyway i felt way better bc me and my cousin started making fun of my dad so i felt 10x #wcousin😇

now im in the hotel room listening to my dad snore SO FREAKING LOUF LIKE HOW AM I GONNA SLEEP.

OKAY IM SO SORRY FOR WRITING SO MUCH LIKE YOU DO NOT HAVE TO RESD ALL THIS COVEY OMG

TLDR; birthday was rlly my dads rlly whiny but im chill now!

have a good day/night covey sorry writing so much😭😭

-🐌

beloved snail anon,

do not feel bad for ranting!! that's the whole point of this blog!! we just need to ignore the fact that i ignored it for so long lmao.

first and foremost, HAPPIEST OF (late) BIRTHDAYS TO YOU!! I KNOW YOUR DAD WAS BEING A BIT OF A BUMMER (kill all men) BUT YOU DESERVED TO HAVE THE BESTEST DAY AND IM SORRY HE TRIED TO TAKE THAT AWAY.

my dad is, from the sound of it, very similar to your dad. and i've grown to kinda just throw it back at him. it took years of warming up to it, but now i just treat him the way he treats us and he shuts up real real quick, ya know?? anyways, im so so sorry that he was being sucky (again kill all men) and you totally didn't deserve that!! wishing you a better birthday for next year!!

all my love,

covey 𐙚⊹ ࣪ ˖

#hey this is your captain speaking ₊✩‧｡⋆𐙚 𓆝 #second cabin girl snail anon ࿐༉༉

[lilyclawthorne]

Escaping Expulsion Thoughts (once again very stream of conscious-like while i rewatched the episode so there’s a bunch of stuff here)

i fucking knew odalia was gonna be an oracle, i knew and i hate that for her family. i’m not sure if this necklace thing is specifically a form of oracle magic or not but im assuming it is, and either way the second i saw it happen that made my stomach twist. the fact that she just keeps this direct line to her daughter at all times feels so disturbing

so, i get that the joke with glyph lessons here is that eda and lilith are probably acting the exact same way they did when they were younger, but it does also feel a little odd for me. in my post for episode 1 i talked about how it felt like lilith probably missed the structure of the coven, and maybe even having an authority figure, and it does concern me a bit that it could be projected on to luz here. 

also, i saw someone mention that they thought lilith could be regressing a bit, which is interesting seeing as she’s been in the coven since basically being a child and now that she’s out, she could be going backwards because that was probably the last time she had a personality of her own instead of one that was carefully crafted to be socially acceptable for others. and to be fair, the few moments in season 1 when we see glimpses into the true lilith, she is pretty childish.

anyways lilith has such pretty handwriting i love it

gus!! witch puberty!! do not worry buddy eda will get your name eventually. probably.

amity went out and murdered those fairies for luz didn’t she

i need to know why the heck bump has no choice in the matter of the expulsion. typically a pta (or pca in this case) wouldn’t have power that much stronger than the principa?? so i wonder if the blights have something over bump, or if its even just something such as donation money they’d withdraw

odalia blight you gaslighting bitch “I’m appalled you’re not in class right now what are you thinking” YOU MADE HER COME HERE

PLEASE i know gus and willow are sad here but the whole “live off the land” thing and “water you one last time, with my tears” are so fucking funny ok

GO LUZ, YOU TELL OFF ODALIA

i feel like alador doesn’t really care what’s going on and just wants to be back home making his abomination inventions, also he seems to have an affinity for different creatures as well which is an interesting detail

i love that willow stated they would get back in on their own right in front of alador and odalia. these people fucked up her friendship and caused her a lot of trouble that she shouldn’t have had to deal with so i love that she’s unafraid to speak like that in front of them

between the first & second episode, and some of the seasons trailer, it seems like Lilith may have an affinity for ice magic? which is interesting seeing as eda was always a fan of her “spicy toss” aka some fire magic. interesting to see the two of them as fire & ice basically

i LOVE how much bump loves luz, willow, and gus. it’s kinda really sweet, but again it feels so concerning that he had no choice in the matter. makes me think he’s more likely to eventually rebel against the standards that have been in place for so long at some point. (also abominations coven for bump!! interesting!! i appreciate seeing the coven marks included on the adults so far)

what is it with these kids and being dragged off by their hoods in this episode

love that the blights address includes “right arm”, also i took a quick look up of the word “bruegal” which is boulevard they live on, and it’s probably just a coincidence but the first google result was actually for a european think tank that specializes in economics

yknow i actually have wondered about layering glyphs on top of each other and making a super glyph the way eda did, so good to know that would NOT work out

luz you’re really gonna give the blights their own flowers??????

it goes by so fast but please take a moment to take in and appreciate the design of that blight entry room/living room-esque area and it’s combination of abomination and oracle decor. also the blight family portrait.

i could talk about alador and odalia and their relationship dynamic here, when luz is meeting with them, but i think it’s best to save for the end, but i will say i don’t think it’s just odalia controlling everything (though she does control a lot) and alador just suffering and being silent. 

the more i stare at odalia’s hair the more i feel like she has an odd receding hairline

love that the abomination kept the cat shape luz gave it and that amity knew immediately from that

WILLOW’S DADS!!! I LOVE THEM! I love how much they want their daughter to have a great education even if they have to be the ones to do it! (even if it could come across as a little intense) Although, the fact that they’re prepared to teach plant magic to her makes me question why they put her in abominations once again. (wish we could’ve gotten a glimpse of their coven marks!)

odalia is definitely the one who handles more of the parenting and alador is more distant. at least that’s what i get based on the twins specifying to amity not to tell their mom specifically

absolutely insane that odalia is just letting the abomiton destroy the whole place to kill a child

“stay away from my luz!” oh my god,ohmy GOD 

i like how lilith can’t tell if these are normal noises or distress ones. really sums up life in the owl house. also lilith? kicking doors in?? this combined with “I AM A WITCH, UNHINGED” tells me she’ll be as chaotic as the rest of the owl house in no time and i am here for it.

the music when amity jumps in to protect luz is absolutely killing it here i need a soundtrack now

YES AMITY DESTROY THE NECKLACE (and oh god please don’t let odalia give you something even harder to remove or destroy)

Luz is blushing!! The feelings are starting to be returned!!!

“Luz, Willow, and Gus are my friends!” love it. love the open declaration. love that she’s telling her mother off. love that i have something to check off my bingo board already.

okay, i know a lot of people have already suggested that alador is smiling here because he can tell luz and amity like each other, but i’m pretty sure it’s only because he’s noticing how much amity’s magic has grown and improved

small detail but i love the smoke from the units order sign filling the background while odalia is fuming herself

oh? alador has had the ability to tell odalia off and successfully calm her down this whole time? and chose not to use it till now? yeah he sucks too. he very clearly has a plan for amity as much as odalia does as well, but he’s much better at seeing the long-term goal

“the glyph combo, copyright me, lilith” im screaming, lilith you DORK

ok i really wish eda or lilith asked where luz had been. i’d kill for these sisters to go off about how much they hated the alador and odalia in school, as well as threaten to hurt them for hurting luz.

the statue lilith made and her reaction to the gold star she received re-emphasizes my concern about her need for approval and for an authority figure. (ok but her noise at the gold star WAS very cute tho)

alright lets get down to business on the blight parents. so far i definitely do not view their relationship as being one-sided with odalia in control. honestly, i think they do have a sense of mutual respect for the other. to me it seems like all alador really wants to do is focus on his work and nothing else, and odalia seems not only more than happy to let him do so, but willing to take care of everything else the company needs, and he seems fine with that and going along with whatever because he only has to do his part. and clearly his abomination tech combined with her showmanship/advertising (and honestly probably some oracle magic) has clearly made them successful. 

so what im saying is that i think their power in their relationship is actually pretty balanced, if it looks otherwise that’s just because that’s how they best function together, with odalia being more forward and alador being more distant, and therefore they’re very much both to blame for shitty parenting. 

also I know some people have joked about the blight family name coming from odalia (which is also a dumb joke like why is it funny if the family name comes from the woman and not the man) but anyways I definitely do think blight is aladors family name and odalia married in simply because he takes the whole blights keep up their end of the deal thing much more seriously than odalia. probably something that’s been taught to him since he was a kid yknow, whereas she was super ready to ignore it when it inconvenienced her.

as for the very final scene with them and the golden guard, i had an interpretation of it that i saw, but it seems that everyone else ive see react to it so far saw something different than me so maybe i’m just plain wrong. but like, i have this feeling that maybe the blight parents, while they do want power, might not be as aligned with the emperor and his coven as we may think?? not saying they’re good people, just that there could be more going on here. but idk, i’ve seen no one else interpret it that way yet so i won’t go off about it unless either someone wants to know more of what i thought or if i ever actually make myself get around to making a separate post about it. 

#the owl house #owl house #toh #escaping expulsion

[intearsaboutrobots]

For the bookish asks: 3, 10, 27, 41, 42

3: What book are you planning to read next?

too many... im continuing my lymond reread and then ive let toooo many holds lapse at the library 😬 i gotta go down and see what books have come in. i want to get back to the scholomance series!

10: Sci-Fi or fantasy? Why?

both is good! ive had phases where im more into one over the other but i like them both. whats interesting is when a book combines them! N. K. Jemisin's Broken Earth trilogy (of which ive only read the first 2 sorry ms jemisin) defies categorization in some Vv interesting ways!!

27: If you could change one thing about mainstream literature what would you change? (i.e. more diversity, better writing, better plot etc.)

jeez oh jeez... lets preface this w saying its me being very selfish and choosing what I personally would want, not trying to engineer some greatest good answer:

a character type i grew up on as a young robot enthusiast is "robot(/alien/other outsider) wants to understand humanity/become more human/etc". think data from star trek tng. and what i have grown into is a desire for "robot/alien/other outsider says 'fuck that actually' to humanity and its norms. become Less human"

that can get generalised more away from scifi/fantasy to "characters whose goal/happy ending lies not in becoming more human or normal, but in becoming Less human or normal". i want more chars who are weird who stay weird or get weirder! or someone who can totally present normal/charming/etc but gets a happy ending where they dont have to!!!!!

41: Do you own a library card? How often do you use it?

yes since i was 3, and a lot!

ebooks arent my fav but they r suuuuper convenient and i will sometimes when im bored just skim thru whats availble now and try interesting new titles at my fingertips! and we hav quite a good selection of physical titles too, but i dont make it out to browse those as much as id like

i have kind of lost control of my duedates etc tho... defs racked up some fines ooooops

42: Which was the best book you had to read in school?

pride and prejudice

cracked me up at 16 and still does now lmao!! i hadnt thought of myself as one for The Classics at that point, but p&p read so well to my modern teen eyes that it opened up a new world of "oh, i could like this kind of thing too! its not for ppl more cultured than i!"

#q answered #thank u!!!!

[barsformars]

cheers to the new year ✨

originally, i wanted to make an appreciation post on the 1st of january to welcome the new year on a nice note, but i decided that it would be nice to wrap up this year as well.

this year has been an unfamiliar and tough one for all of us and i just want to remind everyone that you are loved, and that just being alive is enough. you are enough. you have done well and i am proud of you, and i always will be.

to everyone who has been tagged below, you have made my 2020 a much better year just by being on my dashboard. even if we don't talk much, i really appreciate your presence on this app because it makes it feel like home — safe and warm. thank you and i wish you all a prosperous and kinder 2021 💞💝💖💕💘✨

my tumblr family, the ones who adopted me in the first few months i was on here and has constantly supported me and made me feel loved, for that i am eternally grateful. // @queen-of-himbos @soulangel @mooneylooney1 @vicapuleti @yangcaffeine @kpophours @daybreakx @bangteen (tho she's not on here anymore) @justasouthernlady @astrohawritings

to the moots that i really look up to and love interacting with (if you're not tagged here and we're pretty close, your message is down below <3) // @yeochikin @thelargefrye @hereisleo @moonchildsaurora @yunhozone @rosy-wooyoung @yunhoway @ateez-little-star @atinykidult @lsangyeons

to the ones that ive talked to for a bit and, or, the ones that i admire ALOT from a distance <3 // @hwanami @seacottons @floraisann @yeocult @brathyuck @hongism @inkigayeo @hwacinth-main @sweetheart--sannie @dimpledsatan @treasure-hwa @toffee-hwa @tinymingi @shining-red-diamond @aasthrielle @petitemingi @sidereal-fantasies @masterninjacow @yunwoo (im sure there are many more but my brain never fails to fail me)

to the ones i love seeing on my dashboard and have been a familiar blog since the start (or near there) but whom i never got to talk to // @mingyus-lavish-thighs @changbinniez-princess @yeollieinwonderland @hey-i-really-miss-you @seoultraveller

individual messages 💖

@closer-stars my number one 언니, the (older) sister i never had, the hongjoong to my seonghwa. i don't remember when we started talking but im pretty sure it was about dance jdjsjsjs i am forever grateful for you and i think ive grown a lot ever since i started talking to you as well. thank you for putting up with me even at times i find myself super annoying hehet 👊 hopefully 2021 will be a much better year for you and we can one day meet up to dance together 🥺

@fairyofdusk sweetest person ever. i know we don't talk much or interact directly with one another but i think ive mentioned many times that i just really appreciate seeing you on my dash and whenever you like my rubbish text posts jdjsjs or just reblogginf things off each other blogs uk, thank you for making my 2020 so sweet, i hope that 2021 will be 2x as sweet as you to you love ya!

@jeongyunhoed DENISEEEEEEEE; always pushing the barsformingi agenda i swear- you're one of the dearest people to me on tumblr and just your presence alone makes me feel safe and warm. i really love your works and i hope that in 2021 you will reach more milestones! (+ please don't stop tagging me in mingi posts, love ya!)

@sugarrimajins HELLO; I don't see you very often or talk to you often but somehow everytime we do we can talk for quite awhile? i think i really vibe with you energy and i just wanna say i really appreciate you and our conversations, wishing you a great 2021!!

@fortrest MY NEW FRIEND; forreal we only started talking very recently but i somehow kinda vibe with you alot and i really enjoy our conversations! you seem like a really nice person and i cant wait to build a stronger friendship with you in 2021!

and to all of my followers,

i don't know if you will even be reading this because it's at the bottom of this post but if you do see it, i want you to know that i appreciate every support that you give. i enjoy reading the tags in your reblogs and it motivates me to write more as well <3 i am so grateful everytime someone says that my works make them happy and i hope to do so as well in 2021!!

alright, i think this is the end of the post. i am so so so sorry if i accidentally missed out anyone but the main message still stands! i hope that 2021 will be a much better year for all of us!!

- from rin <3

#.from captain rin

[stimmypaw]

stimmypaw reads the apprentice’s quest, a blog post

A big one, just a bunch of thoughts as I’m reading it, of course, lots of spoilers for the first book in the Warrior Cats series A Vision of Shadows. This will be covering just the first book tho, it’s all in the Read More, let’s gooooooo!!!!

Vision Of Shadows time

Lots of new cats!!! I don't remember these guys as kits or anything wrow!!! I like their names but itll take a while to get used to them

Also cant believe they printed stormcloud's dead name

Omg there's a cat named beepaw

I love these cats all of them so much im going 2 cry

All new names are perfect

I FORGOT HOW GORGEOUS THE CAT VIEW IN THE RECENT BOOKS WAS, LOVE IT LOVE IT LOVE IT

I'm glad leafpool smokes weed

I love reading from Jayfeather's point of view, his grumpiness hasn't grown on me ever but thats just me, I still enjoy it lots he's great and its fun

Firestar and Leopardstar's characterizations are On Point i love it

OOF i feel so bad when jayfeather is mean to others, poor kestrelflight, I love those two

Lovely Jayfeather moments now its time for the first chapter

I like this duo! Also I didn't think I'd ever say this but shut up squirrelflight one can have fun AND learn with their mentors

Sparkkit sounds nice she makes jingling bell noises when she walks around

Alderkit is chadphobic /j

I can see Alderkit taking deep breaths to relax its rotating in my mind its beautiful

God this first chapter feels so good and comfortable, like eating noodles and chicken nuggets. I am so so deeply in love with it, its gorgeous!

Sparkkit is so perfect too, and Graystripe remembering Firestar aaaaaa

DUSTPELT SAID WHAT? PHDHAHAHHA OH NOOOO I don't remember their relationship much, must have been fun, I love young little creature squirrelflight I MISSED HER SO BAD WOW

I started reading the second chapter and died, I think ill take a break now 2 sleep heehhee

I love them describing twoleg stuff its always so fun and alien, like watching an animal planet show about funny sea creatures.

Also I have determined sparkpaw is my favorite, might be my favorite cat ever next to hollyleaf??? I really identify with her and also she's autistic i have decided that

Alderpaw baby noooo hhhh their mentor at least is trying to show its okay, he seems very emotionally distant so far and alderheart feels very emotionally needy, actually both of them do, did I mention I love Sparkpaw??? I might be imprinting myself 2 much on her

I love how like, its clear both of them are absolutely anxious and worried about others opinions on them, which is clearly something they got from being Firestar's grandkids, deputy kids and leader kids. And bramblestar too, I recall him being quite the anxious lad ahhah. Sparkpaw will be showing confidence and being loud but the second anyone isn't approving of her or she does something "wrong" she gets small and quiet, and she ended up setting a high bar for herself by being good at hunting and fighting so I'm curious to see how that will go. Also there's nothing wrong with being guided through a crowded place to meet others Sparkpaw!!! I bet the two of them would be stuck without not knowing how to talk to others had Needlepaw not shown up. I love them, my gf is mocking me saying I'm a Sparkpaw kinnie.

Apprentices will like learn about a thing and tell everyone about it all the time and assume its always true in every situation and thats valid I love kids like that. Also in my head Needlepaw kinda looks like a porcupine. Oh boo she's fatphobic >:(

I love apprentices they are so fun and silly, just making fun of the leaders like its nothing. The way they are clearly learning and absorving everything their warriors say and do like sponges its just ***chefs kiss***

Omg shadowclan is just full of 12 year olds help

And then the old person said "it sure is hard being old!" And everyone clapped

Shout-out to pretty Riverclan apprentice #481977 I love her

Leafpool: 👁👁

Alderpaw: I knew it im cursed and awful and terrible and I will never amount to anything

I wish the cats didn't seem to be giving up on him so easily though

Ah yes the classic thunderclan move "you suck, into the medicine hole you go"

The way sparkpaw changes the things she says and how she does when it isn't the status quo around her oooooooooooooyeaaaaaaa I love 1 autistic cat

Alderpaw considering your problems lesser than other cats won't help you deal with them better bro

I love Needlepaw's excitement about Alderpaw being a medicine cat apprentice, and her sarcasm, she feels like a preppy teenager

Ahhh this is so good, I am so thirsty for family moments like this, just Alderpaw bonding with grandma, I’ll definitely want to draw this one it’s so sweet.

Oh to be young and silly.

I really am enjoying like, Alderpaw’s struggles to seeing how he fits in the clan, how he fits in himself, how he wants to be seen and what he wants to be, it’s really good. I Am Engaged(tm) With This Plot.

SPARKPAW NOOOOOOO but also Yes I want her to be shown vulnerable and weak please 

POP, god watching this stuff always awful, the cats must have thought he broke her ahahah

Also, really great that they learned from Dovewing and now like leave choices and discussions about prophecies between adults

And plus Brambles seemed to take the time to explain stuff to him, seems he wont be going alone either the 1 thing is that he will be the only one knowing what the journey is really about, why though??? I didnt read Firestar's Quest or whatever why does Skyclan need to be secret??? Seems quite silly really!

YESSSS SANDSTORM GET HIS ASS FIGHT FIGHT LOVE THIS LOVE SANDSTORM

I could feel squirrelflight nearing explosion here, this was very fun, i wish they werent hiding this though!!!

The secret thing is showing to be a plot point so I am once again Very Engaged

Also, wonderful dialogue bit, someone asked Bramblestar why an Elder is going and:

Lovely perfect perfect

I miss you dovewing

SQUIRRELFLIGHT LOVE YOU

Oh boy this is it

Traveling book moment

Graystripe: Soooo you're excited to go on the journey to the old territories and Skyclan?

Sandstorm: Yes! It's been ages and-

Graystripe: I'm sure the tribe will love the visit too

Sandstorm, groaning: Oh noooo I forgot about how the tribe is in the way of every journeyyyyy noooooo they're such a racist caricature, please tell me you have a plan

Graystripe: Yes don't worry about it the writers forgot about the tribe in my comic book so you can just use the excuses i did to actively avoid it

Sandstorm: Oh thank Starclan

Sparkpaw's desperation to prove herself oof, her anxiety with understanding the prophecy, oh boy, and Alderpaw feeling too overwhelmed by the questions and not managing to talk!!!! I am so glad they are both autistic

Hoping "Being Leader" wont mean theyre putting nonsense responsibility on the apprentice again

Ah good Sandstorm is on the lead again, as she should, she should have been leader she would have been great

I can't believe Alderpaw thinks I look stupid and diseased :( /j

Everything about this twoleg scene was scandalous I loved it, Sparkpaw just toppled over a trash bag and they are eating from it, iconic, also did those twolegs throw out a whole turkey? Damn

Its not that Sparkpaw is freakishly good at hunting she is very hungry and constantly on the watch for things to eat

BRO Ive never been in a road where the drivers are this wild, throwing bottles out of the car????? Ive seen Fruit being thrown like once or twice, what the fuck!!! I'm glad they are going to wait until the morning to continue

Okay I was not expecting Needlepaw to show up this girl is chaotic I love her

ACTUALLY YEAH WHY DIDNT THEY TELL THE OTHER CLANS ABOUT THIS SINCE THE PROPHECY IS ABOUT ALL THE CLANS???

Needlepaw is like Rono from Bambi 2 if he wasnt a mean bully and thats very epic

Very curious character though, how come her mentor isnt teaching her the warrior code properly? Is that an issue with all apprentices?? Is the clan overwhelmed by 12 year olds and they won?

Having lots of fun trying to play the game "what animal are they describing this time" the erins made here, im glad they're in a farm. Worried about Sandstorm though :c

Fuck im worried about sandstorm a lot, her wound hurt on Me

Yeah water is good youre right sandstorm

Aw man I hope she's okay let her at least survive to meet skyclan please

NOOOOOOOO SANDSTORMA A AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Sandtteooonrjrbbbmmnnnnnnnnnn

I am so sad

Alderpaw denying it, Starclan shining upon their vigil, everything crushed me i cried

Alderpaw considers Nihilism

Haven't seen a cat thank starclan for prey in a while its

Oh look they time skipped a journey! They don't tend to do that thats nice

I'm so excited to be meeting The Skyclan that everyone in the fandom knows now

So far they seem kinda mean but thats most clans at first glance really

Okay somethings up

I uh have heard of Darktail pretty sure he's a bad guy so yeah something really bad happened to Skyclan

Am worried

Darktail sounds like an evil himbo* i may be enjoying him actually

*himbos are usually nice by default so he's just evil and stupid and strong

Does needletail know these cats already?????

Ah

Shit

Oh okay fuck

I've been quietly reading the rest because I am just concerned and I want them to be okay as quickly as possible

Waterfalls are a classic nice

Oh boy time for our unlikely duo of Alderpaw and Needlepaw to get out of a Mess!

I did not expect this to end up with the two of them journeying into parenthood, but I'm happy it did

Well actually I'm very unhappy theyre so lost and there's no sign of Skyclan I am very worried for everyone involved Sparkpaw must be feeling awful!

Twigkit is a great name

Yeah this ended terribly

Overall! Frigging loved it this book was GOOD and a great start for the series I am very excited to read the rest, SO WORRIED ABOUT SKYCLAN THO AAAA the characterizations were great the characters were great the pacing was fun and I didn't get bored once!

I think o only wish I had read this sooner really so I could look up others thoughts without getting heavily spoiled about the last books, I can watch a few videos already though thats a start ahhaha. But yeah it was great and it felt very good to read, haven't swallowed up a book so quickly in a very long time!!! Very happy I finally got my hands on this 💕💖💕💖💕💖 cant wait 2 start the next one

If you read all this, hope you had fun hahaha, ill be making more of these cus theyre fun and I like talking about warrior cats thats just my thing

Til next time

#wc #the apprentice's quest #warrior cats #a vision of shadows #avos #warrior cats avos #avos wc #wc avos #avos warrior cats #warrior cats a vision of shadows #alderpaw #needlepaw #sparkpaw #violetkit #twigkit

[ryncorrect]

university!au: day6 sungjin

i’ve abandoned this au for so long istg my life is a mess yall please forgive but anyway im back with my bullshit and ready to spread my cringe-worthy stuff to the world again

name: park sungjin

major: practical music and arts

other activities: leader, guitarist, and vocalist of university band, president of music club, member of cooking club

park sungjin is the embodiment of leadership

i mean he’s the band leader, the club president, also the president of his class since year one, like he’s so trustworthy and responsible, literally nothing can go wrong under his sight

and even when things do go wrong (life is a bitch) he’ll still make sure everyone is fine and having the time of their lives pun intended

anyone who meets sungjin for the first time will probs say he has this tough man aura, cold,,, tsundere-ish idk

but as someone who have known each other for so long, you never understand when anyone says sungjin looks cold

you know damn well the moment sungjin opens his mouth he gonna throw dad jokes with his satoori dialect

dad jokes are fucking funny fight me

you once said sungjin should start his own comedy club

......he’s currently considering it

oh right he also talks about food all. the. time.

he joined cooking club for a reason okay

no, he can’t and doesn’t really cook he’s only there to taste food and people let him there because he’s nice and he knows how to appreciate the cooks

uh we love a man with manners

so, who is sungjin for you exactly?

he lives next door, one year older than you, was a leader even when you were little ayeee childhood friend cliche

can you imagine little sungjin leading his friends in game its so pure brb crying

you told him everything you couldn’t tell ur parents because they were busy, you asked for his advises, he made sure you were safe and happy

you still depend on him even after you two have grown up

you enrolled to the same university, took the same major with him, and even joined the clubs he’s a member of

this isn’t because you’re indecisive, it’s just that you spent so much of your childhood with sungjin that you two became similar to each other, up to your hobbies and interests and even palate lmao

that’s why he loves to eat with you because you two never argue about the menu

the only club you can’t join is the band, and that’s because jae rejected your application

reason: extremely close personal relationship with sungjin, therefore sungjin will take your side if we ever had an argument

you denied that; no, sungjin wont take anyone’s side based on feelings bc he’s a logical person and he always listens carefully to every side of the parties before he makes a decision..... but jae wont listen

brat

"you only rejected me because im a better guitarist”

“lalalalala cant hear you over my authority as the important band member”

“fuck you”

“i don’t accept offers”

anywayssss you did fail to join the band, but you’re friends with them, theyre literally so used to your company that sometimes they forgot youre not actually in the band

you and the guys teamed up for sungjin’s surprise birthday party

the surprise failed because dowoon accidentally added sungjin to the group chat

sungjin being nice and playing along anyway because he didnt want to disappoint you

and then its sungjin’s turn to ask the guys for help for your birthday party

failed again because dowoon AGAIN accidentally invited you, in person, to your own birthday party

dowoon what the heck?????

yeah its all cute and sweet but thats all of your relationship with sungjin, you treat him like a dependable brother and he treats you like his own little sister

thats what you tell to your friends too when they ask if you two are dating

they’re glad thats the case

because they have a crush on sungjin LMAOOOOO PLOT TWIST

they’re hoping they can get to sungjin through you yanno like asking you to send him snacks and letters or to tell him they say hi

you dont mind i mean you know sungjin is one admirable person ofc everyone likes him

sungjin never rejects nor accepts it hes just like “yay snacks!”

“god damn it sungjin just date any of them im tired of being a matchmaker”

“then dont?? literally no one asked you to���

little did you know that sungjin had the same problem

some of his classmates are interested in you but whenever they come to him he just says, “dont ask me i dont know anything and if i do i wont tell you”

this one sandeul guy has started asking you out and stuff

“ehhh youre so nice i’ll think about it!!”

you, immediately texting sungjin: ur friend sandeul ask me out what should i do

sungjin: do you like him tho

you: not really idk him yet

sungjin: just tell him your mom said no

you: damn nice

but this guy is so persistent and you gotta admit hes kinda cute and after a few tries you finally said yes to him

so you two went together and it was pretty fun

sungjin isnt too happy when he hears about it from sandeul

he asked you, “why didnt you tell me first?”

“well i dont think its a big deal. it was just a date anyway”

but you always told him everything

sungjin never speaks about it again

you go on another date with sandeul the week after

you tell sungjin later and he doesnt ask how it went

hes just “oh”

idk he’s kinda distant now, he rarely talks nor replies to your texts

he doesn't visit music club nor cooking club either so you don't see him often

have i told you im uncreative and all my aus are lame???

you think its probably because hes focusing for the finals, but even after it’s over sungjin doesnt really hang out with you or the band anymore like he only comes for practices and leaves right after

weirdly no one says anything about sungjin’s absence

but you cant stay quiet any longer and decide to ask dowoon whats wrong with sungjin

you shouldve known dowoon cant help much

“honestly i dont know either, maybe you should ask wonpil he’s sungjin’s roommate”

“but what if wonpil told sungjin”

“told sungjin what?”

“that i asked about him”

“asked him what?”

“...nevermind”

you asked younghyun

younghyun doesnt help either

“i dont know, just ask him yourself. i thought you were the closest to him??” why you so salty man

okay fine lets ask jae

“i’ll tell you for fifty bucks”

“dude im broke”

“then deal with it yourself”

you had no choice but to ask wonpil

“he’s just tired”

you know wonpil lied but this little shit refuses to tell anything

“please dont force me to answer i will cry really loudly and it’ll be embarrassing for the both of us”

why do you befriend them in the first place smh

oh youre right about wonpil telling sungjin that youre worried, and he does tell him to talk to you if he got something in mind

sungjins hesitant but in the end he only says, “no... its just that i didnt realize until recently that my little sister has grown up a lot”

“dear god wtf you sound like her grandma”

skip the boring part so uh a few more days passed awkwardly between you two and after your failed attempt at asking around you decide to confront sungjin in person

youre in the band practice room, the others are present, sungjin’s about to leave early as usual, and you find yourself jumping up your seat, “whats your problem with me?”

you know sungjin hates confrontation but you cant stand it anymore. you tried giving him time but if theres anything you seem to be more of a stranger to him

“i dont know what i did wrong and i wont know if you dont tell me, so let me know. i’ll listen and i’ll apologize if its my fault, but dont give me silent treatment like this. its so unlikely of you"

you can see sungjin clences his jaw as he replies calmly, "people change"

"you don't change, youre being childish. if you're mad you should talk about it. if you don't want me here you should tell me to go. if you don't like ME dating your friend you should tell me not to!!!"

drama much ryn

"youre your own person and you make your own choice, its your life and i cant keep telling you what to do or what not," and the end part kinda slips, "i don't hate you dating my friend or anyone, okay? im just not used yet to be a second person for you and im afraid youll get hurt"

"youre never?? a second person sungjin where does this idea even come from youre the only one for me i dont want anyone else???"

and suddenly there's a train of awkward coughs and you come back to your senses and you realize you're being watched

jae pretends to make a phone call, "mom pick me up im scared"

lame jae lame

dowoon mumbles, "can we,,, make an exit first before you two declare your undying love bc its privacy yanno"

you feel the heat spreading across your face as you open your mouth the same time as sungjin, both want to deny dowoon, but younghyun beats yall to it, "yeah you two are in love with each other we been know"

you and sungjin stares at each other, confused, "we don't???"

"oh honey,,, my dear,,, ive read enough sappy shit in writing club to see where this is going"

the conversation was cut there and neither of you bring it up again,

because the idea of you loving sungjin or sungjin loving you is so weird that you refuse to think about it, and so is for sungjin

but ever since that, sungjin has drastically come back to normal its almost hilarious, he spends a lot of time hanging out in the music club, practicing with the band, visiting the cooking club, making a joke here and there

sungjin is himself again with you, a caring dependable brother whom you come to whenever you need to talk or just hang out with and he always makes sure he has time for you

sap

you know hes always been like that but why does it feel different now??? the way he smiles or pulls your hand so youre walking on the inner side of the road,,, how he neatly places your spoon and chopsticks on a napkin when you two go out to eat together,,,, why

tender love baby chICKEN TENDER

mydayexol follow me

andddd so one day, someone asked you out. again.

wow ur so popular i cant Relate

you, texting sungjin: sandeuls friend jinyoung something invited me to a party next saturday should i come

sungjin, replying to you: hmm

you: ???

sungjin: i think its up to you

for some reason youre disappointed by his reply,,, but he’s right tho its your call if you wanna go then you go its not about what sungjin says

right?

right???

but suddenly you got another text: but if you ask for my opinion i would say don't go

you: actually i dont want to either lol so what should i say

sungjin: tell him you already have a date

you: nice

sungjin: with me

you: ayyeee

you: wait what

sungjin: i mean its just a suggestion

sungjin: which you can accept

sungin: or reject

for some reason you can imagine sungjin’s cheeky smile through his texts and it makes your inside tingles and you wanna giggle

so yea you thought it was a joke but he actually did take you out for a movie and dinner

it was really nice

so yanno the weird thing is that neither of you ask the other to be “official” but you just. are dating.

ur friends are mad like “bUT YOU SAID YOU TWO WERENT A THING”

“lol sry i changed my mind”

“fuck you”

“no thanks sungjin can do that... bUT DONT TELL SUNGJIN I SAID THAT hes gonna kill me”

“is he ur mom”

“basically yeah”

this sucks real bad but who cares

not me obviously

ill be back soon (or not) with dowoon’s one lets hope i can do better than this dnsjfsndfj lnjajnfdjs lmAO I LOVE YALL AND HAPPY NEW YEAR IN ADVANCE

#day6 #sungjin #park sungjin #day6 imagines #day6 scenarios #day6 fanfic #day6 reactions #kpop imagines #kpop scenarios #kpop reactions #im sorry sungjin #ive put this on hold for too long i already forgot what i wanted to write in the first place #bye

[menalez]

hi, a long time follower on rnortal here,i just got back from a very long hiatus and i wanted to catch up! ive read ur about section and im just really curious about ur current life since back when i was still following you a few years back you still identified as a bi, had a boyfriend with a (i assume) very heavy ddlg kink. (you had rules etc.) do you regret having that experience with him? are u anti-ddlg now? i hope you dont mind me asking, im just very curious /a fellow noncis nonhet dude

damn thats a long hiatus,,, i couldnt have been older than 17 based on what youve mentioned so at this point what ur referring to was like 6 years ago minimum!! but ill go into the stuff u mentioned 

during my teen years i was very lost to say the least, i could not make sense of my feelings, what had happened to me, and what i was going thru. it was like i was living this years-long nightmare where i was dissociated and hopeless consistently. at this point, most of it is a blur, like my life from 14 up until late 17 is mostly just a series of disturbing flashbacks to me. that boyfriend ur referring to was Obsessed with me like. he was into me ever since i was 11 and everyone in school knew it. i wasn’t interested and thought he was gross and annoying, and that continued to be the case until i was 14. months into being 14, i had gotten raped and that just changed my whole approach to everything. i felt like saying no to anyone made no sense anymore, bc my worth and dignity had already been taken away from me and my boundaries wont be respected and are meaningless so i might as well just say yes. after word had spread of what happened to me around school, most people turned against me and there was like, a handful of people who were still by my side. one of them was the not-yet boyfriend. people around me would also repeatedly tell me “if you don’t date him, you’re going to be making the biggest mistake, no one will love you like he does!” so like all those things coupled up together.. i just went with it basically. even though i did tell him repeatedly i didnt want to be with him, he was persistent and i had it in my head that if i said no itd be 1. pointless bc id be forced into it somehow 2. a mistake and lost opportunity and 3. saying no to the only person who will ever love me. so i just.. gave in? anyways during that relationship, i was pretty deep into self-harming, and he had a weird thing for that. he eventually confessed to me that hes sexually aroused by my age regressing (a symptom of my trauma i had no understanding of nor was i conscious to it). i just went along with it really.  

when i was about 15, there was this girl i had strong feelings for which i did not understand at all, before then i hadn’t really been conscious of my feelings? so i texted my then-boyfriend (same guy as previously mentioned, it was a long distance relationship for most of that relationship and at the point im talking about rn) and was like wow theres this new girl in my class and i feel this strong connection to her and just want to be around her etc, and i told him i have no idea what those feelings mean or how to explain them and his stupid ass said “now you understand how i feel about you” (bc i couldnt for the life of me comprehend attraction basically and kept asking him how being into someone felt). so then i was like huh and thats when i started to think, ok i must be bi bc obviously i cant possibly not be into men but im definitely into women. so i stuck with that up until i was 17. from the age of 17 tho, i started to question it bc i realised i just.. didnt find men attractive, and i felt like i owed the then-boyfriend a lot bc he stuck by me during the time i was raped but i still found him repulsive and didnt want to be with him. i came to a conclusion at 18 and told him multiple times and tried to end it multiple times but he refused to let it end the same way he refused to not be in a relationship w me but this time i knew i just couldnt stick around as i was conscious of my feelings and was tired of living a lie.

SO now to answer ur questions, i do regret a lot of it yeah and i wish i could just rewrite or erase that entire section of my life bc it was the worst part of my life and years later it still makes me feel sick to my stomach. i would do things and agree to things, and itd cause me so much pain and misery and worsen my suicidal behaviour and self harm, and id just... do it again. the people in my life knew there was something off and i wasnt happy but nothing anyone said could change my mind.

 i was anti-ddlg before i turned 18,, but he was also often on my blog so i mostly just stayed quiet on that until i was 18. i think ddlg is pretty pedophilic in a lot of ways, its often men acting out their pedophilic fantasies on women who are often traumatised and disturbed. and i think a huge portion of the ‘daddy doms’ are pedophiles, including the one i was involved with. so yes i am anti-ddlg. 

theres a lot i didnt go into here but i didnt wanna write like an entire thesis on this but. yeah those werent good years of my life and i wish i had help or guidance. i wish i just never got raped bc it led to one harmful thing after another for me and i feel like i couldve avoided all of that otherwise. the initial trauma i was subjected to made me weak and i had no hope so i just went along w whatever and it only fucked me up more. ive grown & changed a lot since then and even tho i still struggle today im no longer in the pain i was back then

#imagine going thru ur teen years doing things that make u want to kill urself and even resulted in suicide attempts #and instead of thinking oh i dont like this i shouldnt put myself thru it #u just..................... do it over and over again and get increasingly worse #Anonymous

[rqs902]

.

my beautiful boys in the same screeeenn ill just ignore the clothes lol man look at jin fan’s side profile 

aw they look so happy lol how did dxy become kc 

lol when volunteer li hao on his CELL PHONE is a better video editor than the entire youku paid staff

oof the video was so funny and highlighted a bunch of the kids qualities like lin mua and csp’s cuteness and it was touching.... lol ycw “I DONT HAVE SLEEVES LEND ME YOUR SLEEVE” to wipe his tears loll

LOL im amused cto were some of zlj’s first friends and they guilt trip him into joining their groupppp HAHHAHA

pretty sure that was xue en telling zlj to be careful and put safety first :’) 

im literally crying at this suitcase

but also still wished they gave more screen time to everyone not-zlj LOL but i guess at least we saw some more lin ran and yzx. but zlj did do a great job!! i really appreciate his skill and im glad the non-cto kids said such nice things about cto aw but really their age difference is not that big??? LOLLLL making cto seem so old??? but xue en is only 1 year older than lin ran and 3 years older than cxh and ycw LOL plus 1998 is xikan’s age too lol.....

omg xo crew being all these creatives including li chenxu ayy thats cool, i feel like we havent gotten to know much about him so this puts him in a new perspective for me

is akey supposed to be in the group? LOL zhan yu is going wild for him tho LOL

im happy akey is making more rap friends!!! i feel like hes been working on that since qcyn

cjh has always seemed so real, i respect that

LOL hwx looks so awkward standing on stage in the middle. jin fan’s vooooiceeee and huang junrong yessss HAHAHAHA THE AKEY STANDEE IM CRYING HAHAHHA man jin fan has gotten to live up to his vocal name in this show, i hope that makes him happy. he still !! has not !! shown off !! his bboy !! dancing skills !! :( 

LOL lin mo being so amused that akey had no idea about the standee. hes a dork. so were they not allowed to do 3 stages? bc i feel like akey wouldnt have needed that much extra prep time to do all 3 of his stages just sayinggg hahahha but ay extra tyger screen time ill take it! i can see why he picked the creatives group though, that performance definitely better fits his musical and stylistic interests. 

AYYY CSP DANCING but lol qby calling him cui duopeng aw 

omg so sparkly!! LOL syh looks so scandalized by their confetti ribbons HAHAHAHHA but yay for mxy really owning this stage! 

LOL the way lin mo’s face scrunches up when su er points out he’s “momo” and then he just nods and tells hwx “momo is supporting you from behind” awww

oh rip this luo jie gaokao segment, was this the last time they saw him? 

lol ycw is always the one with the doggo but i appreciate xzx for not abandoning him like everyone else so he could still do 100 ways and fulfill his dreams

LOL THE FACT THAT THEY USED THE 100 WAYS GROUP’S AUDIO LOL

aw good for them being able to make a fun and entertaining stage and do well and bring everyone amusement. lol ycw throwing random flower petals everywhere so casual 

LOL rip renyu hes just sitting there minding his own business and then gets personally attacked HAHAH TWICE hHHAHAHAHA 

LOLLL SBR YESS and sbh hahahhaha csp being all scared of why theyre watching him and sbr is just like oh nothing~

lolll xikan curling into a little ball when everyone else is laughing and csp’s “why did i lose again?” LOOL

oh rip bye yan an 

ouch syh..... going back to singapore to do adult things gosh i appreciate him going after mhw after it seemed like he had given up

man ycw cries a lot

kinda sad they cut the tyger perf BUT they did perform my favorite song (always thankful for akey’s composition skills!!!) AND at least they showed off zhan yu’s high notes and listed akey as a composer and gave lin mo some screen time to talk i guess its okay bc i appreciate the performances that they have shown fully so far, and i get that they cant show everyones in full. and it looks like all the kids liked the perf so thats fun

OOF A JUNRONG FEATURE THIS IS WHAT WE ALL NEEDED YESSS man i didnt realize he had so many show experiences already man.... ooo dxy vocal time!! 

OH GOSH THEY BROUGHT UP FAN YUUUUUUUU man the way renyu smiles watching fan yu play piano im softtt oof renyu’s voice is so nice even when hes like on the verge of crying

ahhh xu zhaohao’s song has me crying... i really like his voice too. 

wow im surprised so many of them took footage of themselves on their way to snzm? lol wait did they cut out li chenxu’s part on stage? 

HAHHAHAHHA LI HAO OMGG xu shengen wow this is amazing li hao is gonna be like a great director one day i can FEEL it. THE FACT THAT THIS IS THE ONLY PART OF THE ENTIRE EPISODE THATS SUBBED HAHAHHAHA look at li hao, making better videos than youku since 2020. li hao’s story man.... he and shengen and chenxu must be close 

i see why people were like whoa theres actually tygers in the next ep preview! what a unusual experience!! but ay there was huang enyu too! ahh he looks like hes desperate oh gosh but everyones crying it looks like :c ill keep my hopes up that lin mo’s is happy tears but its still rough to see 

aw su er...... oof the fact that they put in clips of some kids on other shows (i even saw super idol omg) and him putting lin mua at the end, they must really have grown to like that haha i saw someone posted about li hao saying he liked the lin mua too and appreciated that it was something lin mo promised to his fans. im glad they dont make fun of him for it in a mean spirited way. 

im grateful for this “extra” episode outside of the actual competition. they did seem to get to do performances that they wanted to be in. im guessing some kids’ perfs didnt get aired? so im hoping they get released elsewhere so we can still watch them. again i will say that having only half the number of trainees compared to other shows and having them for 3 stages rather than the usual 1 has allowed me to feel like ive gotten to know most (if not all?) of these kids, similar to how i felt about ip, which is nice. like i at least know their names and faces. at least it wasnt like qcyn where kids got eliminated before they even had 1 stage ugh. grateful and excited to see yixing again too next ep! hopefully this means we wont get some nonsense judging like last time... also excited to see momo with his pink hair! and in the same perf as zhan yu and akey (what happened to jin fan lol) everyone having colorful hair will be exciting! 

#rants

[inhaletheresin]

since everyone is doing it i decided to join in lmao hey guys i appreciate and love all of yOU SO IM GON TYPE OUT A LONG ASS MESSAGE FOR YALL YES THE YEAR 2019 IS ENDING SOON AND I M SO GLAD TO HAVE MET AND GOTTEN THE CHANCE TO TALK TO MANY OF YOU AND THE MANY NEW FRIENDS I MADE THROUGH THIS HOBBY AND WHY AM I SHOUTING (btw pls ignore the first image in the top nine collage lmao and jus focus on the bjds pls) ok guys yes i am thankful and love all your support and appreciation for my work and my baby bois yes even tho tons of shit went down this year i feel like ive grown a lot cuz of u guys!! yEAHHHH!!!! and i just wanna say i am so happy for that cuz ever since childhood i never really got much attention for my work from my family so when you guys appreciate my work and stuff it just makes me so happy yknow?? yall have no idea aaaaaaa i know maybe its not such a big deal to yall but it is a very big deal for me. its only human to want to be appreciated thats why i am very grateful for all ur support and appreciation for my work!! thank you u cuties i love you all so much!!! i really hope yall are doing ok and hope yall will enjoy your new year's celebrations!! also, pls remember i am always thinking and rooting for yall in whatever u do ok. be kind and do good u cuties. i love u https://www.instagram.com/p/B6pjV66JSUs/?igshid=m2k5dsxv319g

[dilfsdotnet]

Yo you should answer all of these scene questions👀👀

:OOO

you think so lad???? shit dawg i was thinkin just a few at a time but if that what u want my dear nonnie i will supply

1. wats ur scene name?

i was thinkin maybe ‘gods mistake’ would be a good one but then. i found a way to make it both danganronpa related, and, even better, a fucking pun as well. ‘kamukura kamukura jasqueen’, or just ‘kamukura jasqueen’ for short is good k thxxx

2. describe ur dream outfit!

oooo gosh this ones trickyy!! there are so many good outfits out there, especially in the scene community!! but it’d have to have a few tiny elements of dr cosplay to add a lil of my dangan-weeb culture in there ofc! more specifically, id really love to get one of kazuichis jumpsuit and just wig out and add shit like this just because i could:

(id just rlly love going out in all those glowy/shiny things at night like all that haha..and yes the shoes would probably kill me/my fuckin feet if i tried to walk in them but shut up i love them theyre cute as fuck)

3. describe ur dream haircut!

oo another tricky one!! i do like my regular hair, and honestly id be lying if i said i didnt love ibuki’s hairdo too but id defs have to go with something like this!!

yaaaassss, so pretty and spikeeeey! maybe id dye my natural hair colour black and/or add some funky colours if i ever actually got this style down!

4. describe ur dream room!

i have a lot of ideas for dream bedrooms actually, but heres a visual image of one of them i found!!!

MIKU ROOM MIKU ROOM MIKU ROOM MIKU ROOM

(this specific idea arose mainly just for the aesthetic but i also find it super cute and a good environment to be in general hhhnnggg)

5. if u could make anything out of kandi, wat would u make?

oh you mean those colourful beads and bracelet things??? i love those man!!! theyre so visually appealing to me aaaaa…id probably just make a fuck-ton of those and most probably use the little letter beads to say random words/phrases like ‘aubergine’ and ‘despacito’ knowing my shitposter self lmaooo! id definitely make a sansmaeda themed one too thoo fr

6. wat would u write on ur shoez?

it’d probably range from things like a simple kaomoji doodle to something randum and stupid like ‘seesaw’ bc yes asjnd

7. wat kinda piercingz/tattooz do u hav/want?

i dont think i rlly want any real piercings (at least not atm) but id totally go for those fake stick-on gemstone lookin’ ones! and as for tattoos, i cant rlly see myself gettin one of those rn either, but id want something like a mario power-up, preferably the bell one/cat suit powerup!!! its my favorite powerup and its sooo cute!!!

8. fave genrez?

i dont rlly have a specific genre, i like most kinds of music, but i rlly like energetic music that i can dance tooo!!! >w

9. fave bandz?

im a big fan of gorillaz and botdf!!! i like p!atd as well but havent listened to it in a while.. gatta catch up loool

10. fave songz?

my favs alternate a lot, but atm im super into ‘slow dancing in the dark’ by joji!!! so much emotiooon quq…also rlly hooked on botdf and jefree star’s ‘sexting’ tooo lmaooo

11. fave lyricz?

‘The world keeps spinning Among this sinning Oh what a cruel and disgusting place The purest moonlight Is bloodied by plight And screaming resonants But somehow I know That it’s all for show The world will reveal it’s true beauty soon And we’ll all reach towards the moon ‘

its so deep but its from a fucking kaito momota fansong and i love that asnkjdnefe

12. hav u evr been to a concert?

not in a damn long while my lad,, rip australians not havin many artists they like from other countries tour there ;-;

13. do u wanna be in a band?

ive always thought thatd be pretty cool ngl!!! tourin around with ur bandmate friends, makin awesome fuckin tunes, people lovin u and ur music, just livin the dream in general,, nice

14. wats da best soda/energy drink flavour?

havent rlly had any as of rn  my lad so i wouldnt know :/

15. wat do u miss most abt old internet?

i loved that we could all just be ourselves and act like the kids we are inside without bein reprimanded at all.. it aint rlly that much of an issue for me but i still think itd be a lot nicer if it was like that again sometimes,,

16. wats da best old meme?

ooohhh there are so many i still miss man! numa numa ermagerd and doge still remind me of the glory days…when old animeme was good and you could still haz ur cheezburgers in peace. also rage comics! rage comics were good what happened

17. best place 2 buy clothez?

i dont think theres any hot topics in australia but if there is. i will hunt it down you hear me

18. wat r ur fave accessoriez?

OH THERES SO MANY GOOD ONES??? as i stated b4 i rly love kandi bracelets and other glowy/led things!!! also rlly love ties with cute and fun patterns and long colourful and/or ripped socks like ibuki’s too hehe

19. wats ur best tip fr ppl that just got into scenecore?

im not rlly the best at advice, but my main point would be-just hav fun here dudes!!! dont let anyone else bulli u abt it, we’re supportive people, u can talk to me or anyone else whos willin to listen an/or help for reassurance ofc

20. opinion on furbiez?

oOH MY GOD YES. FURBIES. MY BABIES I WANT 10 OF THESE CHILDREN…I ACTUALLY HAVE A FURBY HE LIKES SLEEPING IN HIS SPECIAL DRAWER AND HIS NAME IS TINGLE I ADORE HIM I’LL POST A OF PICTURE LATER MAYBE

21. opinion on funko popz?

i like em and ive seen lots at eb games, but i dont buy em much..i do have a megaman pop with a broken arm tho loool

22. wats ur fave pattern? (zebra/leopard print etc)

i looove a lot of patterns but not gonna lie im always a sucker for rainbow checkerboard patterns yknow hehe!

23. fave color combo?

i dont have one rlly…soooo many possible comboooos…cx

24. sumthing u liked as a kid dat u still like?

im still going on girlsgogames and recently, ive finally mastered sues beauty machine!!!! its so good and fun all of ya’ll should try it my dudeeees

25. wats ur most used emoticon? 0w0

as most of ya’ll probs alredy know i spam ‘:O’ a lot, but one of my bigger favs is actually ‘x3′ and my fav kaomoji is ‘ଘ(੭ˊ꒳​ˋ)੭✧’ (both of them are so kyooot >w

26. wats ur fav typin quirk?

i luv talkin like dis, but i dont rly do it that often loool…i awso wuv tawking in ‘owo’ speak wike dis >//w//>

27. do u wish ur fllwrz talked 2 u moar?

hellz yeaaa!!! i luv followr interaction my dudee! it makes me super happi when u all talk to me heehee! x3c

28. tag ur fave scene blawgz!

:O !!! oh gawd!!! i dont know many atm but heeereee!

@xxadam-antidotexx (op of the ask meme)

@glitchkichi (not sure if this counts but their stuff’s rlly cool >v

@otonashi-banana (scene boyf…wuv im more than anythin >///w///>

29. wat got u into scenecore?

i dont remember exactly how it happened but i’d always sorta wanted to go back to the glory days that was the old web and the scene era, and that, coupled with a bright, colourful aesthetic that i could really enjoy, drew me in like a moth to a neon colored flame ig looollll

30. how long hav u been scene?

i’ve only been officially apart of the community for about a few months now (at time of writing) i reckon so some things are still a lil new to me ig ^^;;

31. wats da best thing abt being scene?

the freedom of bein able to express myself 4 one thing, and its just so fun being so ‘out-there’ yknow???? it feels so great really

32. do u hav a fursona?

i…actually used to but ive moved on from the furry fandom and ive grown more attached to my human sona anyway sooo :/

33. r u in sum “cringy” fandomz?

YEA man!! i dont rlly think dr is inherently considered ‘cringey’ but undertale is and im in that one for sure!!! i also kinda technically never left the skylanders fandom(?) so theres that too ig??? oh yeah and who wants to let me draw my old moshi monsters characters COWARDS

34. do u liek plushiez?

YASSSS QUEEEN!!!! i have HEAPS of them in my room on my desk with my gonta shrine

35. do u liek stickerz?

also a big yaaassss from me dawggg!!! i love them and i love those ones that you stick on your fase like this!

its so cuuute!!!

36. do u hav a friendproject?

i dont, not at the moment a least, actually! didnt even know what it was til recently but it looks kewl haha

37. do u hav any other scene account?

well, i haz this one, and i also have an emowire account for shuichi if that counts!!

38. do u make art? (drawingz, blingeez, etc.)

YES!!! i love to draw and i also make blingee edits sometimes!!! ITS SO FUN XD !!!

39. wats da most scene thing? (anything!)

hmmm, weeell…i think the most stereotyped thing would be that kewl, suuuper big hair like this;

its really prettyyyy, and i love all that colouuur!!!

40. ask ur own randum question!!

hm, oh wowie, since the anon didnt specifically ask this one…POTATOES!!! X3

phew, finally done, that was a lot of typing! this was so fun to do though, so thank u nonnie!!! :3

#ask #ask meme #scene revival #scenecore #scene kid #scene #anon #oh god what now jasu

[fukozawa]

30 Days of Autism Acceptance 2019!!

(I’m a bit behind oops lol)

Day 1 - introduce yourself

👁 My name is Katherina but most people besides family call me Kat. Im 22 years old, a cis lesbian, mixed race, autistic, brujita (lil witch) born in San Diego CA but grew up between there and Tijuana, Mexico where my moms side of the family lives (the side that matters). Im also very short at 5 ft tall and have green hair! Currently living in Seattle WA, have lived here 3 or 4 years with my best friend who i met online. Have grown SO MUCH while living in seattle it’s unbelievable to think I’m only 22 and still have so much learning and experiencing to do. Recently landed an amazing job at the zoo as a facepainter!! I’m also a portrait artist and you can follow my art on instagram @ plaidalien !

👁 Growing up ive always been fairly odd. My mom loooves telling stories about me as a kid and how i would always freak her out with how much i knew/was capable of. I think she always expected me to be different from other kids because of how traumatic my birth was (my heart stopped beating for a minute when i was born but the dr was able to revive me, and i spent a week in the ICU with a bunch of tubes in my head). She says i would freak my white family out and they thought i couldnt talk because i legit never spoke around them but my mom understood i was perfectly capable of speaking and told them straight up that its not that i couldnt talk, its just i didn’t want to talk to them. She always understood me like no one else and was the best autism mom i couldve asked for. Shes always been my biggest advocate and would push her own comfort zones if it meant i was comfortable and happy and not having meltdowns lol.

👁 I’m self diagnosed but i plan to seek out a prof dx whenever I’m more financially stable and get past the anxiety that is trying to figure out how to get that done in general. I don’t think ill ever feel comfortable telling ppl I’m autistic without a prof dx since I’m “high functioning” and am extremely talented at masking my autistic traits to the point where a lot of it is unconscious (tho I’m teaching myself to not mask as much cuz i want to be able to be who i am and not give a single fuck if people think im weird)

👁 I consider myself an old soul for sure. Just yesterday my mom called me just to genuinely thank me for how much ive taught her and how much ive helped her become a better person, it honestly made me cry a little lol. Ive always been that person that shakes peoples mental paradigms if they come into my life, i love to get people out of their comfort zones. And by comfort zone i mean a mental one, one where youre used to believing and seeing the world in a certain perspective, well my passion lies in expanding the ways in which one perceives this reality into knowing how truly limitless and powerful we are as humans.

👁 I realized i was a lesbian and autistic around the same time as each other about 2 years ago and that was a MAJOR identity adjustment which I’m just barely starting to fully embrace them. Having to deal with internalized lesbophobia as well as internalized ableism at the same time is not fun. But the comfort of finally knowing what the fuck is up with my brain and my sexual orientation and seeing how those two important aspects have always been there and can explain why i am the way i am, feels really good. Feels amazing to know I’m not alone in my experiences either and theres a community i can be a part of who will accept me for my differences.

👁 Sorry this is super long but i never know whats a good cut off point when it comes to introducing myself. I guess thats also why i waited this long to make the day 1 post lol. How do people just limit themselves to only writing a few sentences about themselves is beyond me i think thats just physically impossible for me to accomplish. Wait till i try to write my own artist statement thats gonna be a true challenge. If you got this far thanks for reading!!

#30daysofautismacceptance #2019 #actuallyautistic #aboutme #ill post the other days soon too i just had to get this one out of the way #30daysofautismacceptance2019