#im just losing my mind here but i hate talking about me and thats too much in too little time

[dizzybizz]

hai here is a sketch dump with too many fandoms :) sorry about the ungodly amount of men here i have been going through it and by it i mean gay

ok wait i ran out of tags??? it wont let me tag them all😭😭😭 im gonna have to be sparing with them uhh i guess i will have to ramble under the cut then cus i like rambling in my tags but i cant with this one 😭

(ok im back from the ramble: it is way too long.... proceed forward if you want to see some guy just absolutely talk nonsense for entirely too long)

no cus i swear i have tried tagging more stuff than this before and never hit the limit but whatever

hello i really use this like a fkn blog huh

i just wanted to provide some thoughts on the harper and rosé one first bc its important to me 😌 cus i was thinking abt harper and how in my head and heart of hearts she would be the kid who thought you get pregnant from kissing and i dont think she ever really grew out of that belief. <- this ended up spawning the idea of harper being a sex-repulsed ace and i will die on this hill actually. fight me or die, you die either way actually nvm

this is just a buncha blorbos i dont know what to tell you really. sketch pages like these always end up so weird for me bc for some reason my brain always wants the characters in them to interact in some way. whether that be talking or just reacting to what the other is doing... its something i cant stop with, its so stupid and silly and i hate it and i love it. where else would i see kabru slowly losing his mind with how loud phoenix wright is in court????

I THOUGHT I HAD GOTTEN OFF THE RAILS WITH THAT BUT THEN THE NEXT PAGE HAPPENED. and all i could do was laugh and ask "what the fuck am i drawing??? HOW DID WE GET HERE? WHY IS THISTLE HERE WITH LEOPIKA HELP" LIKE that page started with the big leopika and then i was like "man i miss thistle lemme draw him real quick" but the curse struck and now hes being homophobic so </3

i rlly like how the nic(k) page turned out ... i just have a lot of nicks i like drawing idk.. the lil guy is an oc,,, one day his ref sheet will be finished and itll be awesome but not for now, sorry baby, no can do. im weirdly happy with how the hands turned out for all of them tho?? so thats a W

yotasuke, murai, nick (youll never know which one im referring to. .. jkjk its hoult i love the pose there ehehhe), nic and the entire last page r my favs. i like em all but those rlly get me yknow- the olly too ofc but ive already posted him, dont mind him being here, hes part of the set. AND OVER ALL IVE BEEN HAVING SO FUN WITH SHADING BLACK AND JUST LEAVING SPOTS BLANK ITS SO ?`????

WHY IS THIS SO LONG PLS DONT READ ALL THIS THIS IS STRAIGHT UP EMBARRASSING AGHSDFGSDHJSGD im all like "yeah i dont like talking about myself or whatever" but as soon as i get to my process or blorbos or smth the floodgates fucking break open, not even burst man.

also dont mind how i havent even acknowledged pingas twink pokemon counterpart. hes just here for shits and giggles i dont know the guy like at all, i watched a handful of eps of horizons and that was it RIP

#blue period #yotasuke takahashi #yakumo murai #tiger and bunny #kotetsu t. kaburagi #yu yu hakusho #hiei #kurama #drawtectives #harperosé #witch hat atelier #arkco #olruggio #brushbug #trigun #nicholas d. wolfwood #all saints street #nick hoult #bna pinga #dungeon meshi #kabru #ace attorney #phoenix wright #thistle #hunter x hunter #leorio paladiknight #kurapika kurta #leopika #my art #doodle

[pacifymebby]

Looking After You When You're Drunk // Peaky Blinders

Tommy

🌿Youre probably drinking because of him

🌿You argued and you got so upset and pissed off at him, so the girls took you out for a drink to get away from "bloody men"

🌿But you drank quicker than you realised. Thats the problem with drinking for melancholy and spite, you lose yourself

🌿So in the end Ada takes you back to the house, youre crying on her shoulder in the back of the car, you tell her you hate her brother and shes comforting you, "aye love, dont we all..."

🌿 When Tommy sees you hes annoyed but he feels immediate guilt. He knows hes the reason youre so upset.

🌿"Cmere angel ive got you," he says with a sigh taking you from Ada's arms. "Can you walk? No, alright then, here we go," he says as he lifts you up bridal style in his arms to carry you upstairs to bed.

🌿 If youre sick he sits with you in the bathroom, holding your hair back, rubbing your back and reassuring you.

🌿"s'alright little angel you're alright, get it all up yeah and then we'll go to bed,"

🌿Doesnt let you go to bed dirty. Undressed you carefuly, sits you in the bath and washes you gently with warm water and a soft cloth.

🌿Youre still tearful and upset, and the kinder he is to you the more upset you are. Youre feeling embarrassed for being so childish and getting yourself in such a state.

🌿"m'sorry tommy" between hiccups. Him telling you not to apologise, you insisting that you have to. Him finally giving in, "alright, alright angel if it means so much to you, i forgive you... Calm down now though eh? No more tears?"

🌿 He helps you out of the tub and towels you dry, his big hands holding your waist, being gentle and tender with you as he dries you off.

🌿Lets you drunk cry into his shirt, hold you and shushes you, hes tired but hes being patient with you because he knows hes guilty of causing you this pain.

🌿"You're alright y/n, you and me we're alright eh? Was only a little fight, no more tears now?"

🌿"Atta girl" or "theres a good girl," when you finally hush and dry your eyes. He'll dry them for you with his thumbs and ask for a smile.

🌿Carries you to bed and lays you down very gently, opens his arms up for you to crawl into so that he can hold you to his chest and stroke your hair til you fall asleep.

🌿He knows its his fault you were upset but he still feels the need to talk to you about what happened, how you need to look after yourself, not drink too much.

Alfie

🐻"Listen right, my ziskeit, i dont mind you drinkin away your troubles from time to time and getting well, look at you ey, youre absolutely fucked, i dont mind that not one bit... I'm a modern man me, I know you young ladies drink just as much as the men these days but... I really wish you wouldn't spend your hard earned money yeah... On that shite,"

🐻 Because youre drunk on Shelby gin.

🐻 "Look at you yeah? The gin - and im not surprised by this one bit right cause you and me both know what gins all about - has gone and made you fuckin miserable and now... Me here, your adoring old man, I'm gonna have to cheer you up."

🐻He feigns frustration and impatience, puts on his grumpy old man act, but really hes pleased its him who gets to look after you. Hed rather him than any other bastard.

🐻 Hes gentle with you when you inevitably start to cry. "Sorry Alfie, please don't hate me," youre very upset because you think you have actually pissed him off.

🐻 He chuckles and softens, holds you in his arms, your head fitting perfectly in the palms of his big hands. He strokes his fingers through your hair and kisses your forehead.

🐻 "Hate you? Is that all its sposed to take is it? To hate you? You listen here alright treacle, you listen to me now alright, i - thats me here yeah, this grumpy old, heartless man - i could never hate you, thats just ridiculous... It could never happen... You know why?"

🐻 "Cause right, and this might come as a shock to you yeah so just you brace yourself little one, cause i love you" points his pointer right to the tip of your nose, makes drunk you go cross eyed which he thinks is very cute. "and love and hate yeah, well i reckon they just dont work together, those are what you and i, would call opposites..."

🐻 He carries on with this speech whilst he helps you undress, he makes you sit down on the edge of the bed and gets you a glass of water to drink slowly. "Slow sips remember lovely, we dont want you making yourself sick..."

🐻 Mentioning sick was probably a mistake, he sees that when your eyes waver and you wobble a little. Luckily hes got a bucket to hand for this very eventuality.

🐻 Affectionately tells you youre a mess, "what am i gonna do with you ey flower, what ever am i going to do with you..."

🐻 Washes your face with a warm cloth and makes sure you have finished your water. Pours another glass because he knows you don't sleep well when youre drunk so youll definitely wake up thirsty in the night.

🐻 He also wants to have you sleep on his chest so that he can stroke your hair and continue to take care of you. But its also because if youre sleeping on his chest, he'll better be able to tell if you need him.

🐻 He puts a record on playing quietly, and hums softly along to it whilst playing with your hair. He's waiting to make sure you fall asleep first so that he can be there if you need him.

🐻 You don't get a lecture the next day, but he does make you promise that next time you'll drink his rum instead.

Arthur

🍂 Ever since you started seeing Arthur youve been getting worse and worse when it comes to getting intoxicated.

🍂Hes a bad influence on you that much is certain. Its his snow you get fucked up on, you drink his alcohol in his bars...

🍂 But he wouldnt have you drink and get fucked up anywhere else, anywhere he couldn't keep an eye on you.

🍂Youve most likely been partying together so hes probably pretty drunk too.

🍂Stumbling home together, falling into the back of a cab and then falling back out of it again when you get to his house. Him struggling with the key in the lock, gets frustrated tries to kick his own front door in, until you step in and help.

🍂You both get pretty needy when youre drunk and you can't keep your hands off eachother, but when Arthur sees your eyes roll back into your head before youve even made it upstairs he decides thats enough fun for now. Occasionally hes capable of being responsible.

🍂"Alright now love alright... Got to get you to bed yeah, thats right, got to get you nice and snug tucked up in your bed..."

🍂Has to hold you up, probably has to carry you up the stairs. Sits you on the counter by the bathroom sink and takes your clothes off as carefully as he can.

🍂 Tries to get you in your slip but because youre drunk you just giggle and laugh and play with him.

🍂 "Whatre you tryin get me dressed for? Silly Arthur youre so silly..."

🍂 He knows theres no point trying to talk sense into you so he gives in. He helps you brush your teeth which is also very difficult because you think the whole thing is hilarious.

🍂 You are so giggly and adorable that it is hard for him to stay mad at you, even when you are frustrating him by not letting him take care of you.

🍂 Hes exhausted by the time he finally gets you to bed. Collapses onto the bed with you, spoons you and talks to you.

🍂 "Arthur," you also get really whiny when youre drunk, "Arthur the rooms spinning,"

🍂 "No, its not sweetheart, the rooms not spinning,youre alright," be he knows you wont be able to sleep lying down because itll make you sick, so he sits himself up and pulls you up into his arms, has you sitting in his lap, head leaning on his shoulder which is where you fall asleep.

🍂 Him dozing off eventually, waking up with a stiff neck. Luckily youve woken up feeling much better and have cooked him breakfast. Its your turn to take care of him now.

John

🌼Doesnt like it when you get too drunk so you are in trouble.

🌼You try to hide it from him but its impossible, especially when not 2 minutes after excusing yourself to go to the bathroom are you being violently unwell.

🌼Johns frustrated you got yourself into such a state and he'll be having firm words with Ada and Lizzie about being bad influences on you.

🌼But as annoyed as he might be, when he hears you being sick he feels sorry for you and rushes to help you.

🌼 Will sit with you, holding your hair back, will put a towel between you and the toilet edge to stop you from hurting yourself.

🌼 Will tell you ten times minimum "I dont feel sorry for you you know love," but he does, and the more he says that the more you know its true,he does.

🌼Worries about you when you get this drunk because he worries youll get into some kind of trouble and not be able to help yourself.

🌼 If you get emotional he isnt going to let you stay sad, he's going to bundle you up in his arms and carry you to bed, probably smothering you with kisses, kissing you all over until youre giggling and half heartedly trying to fight him off.

🌼 When youre feeling better hes going to have to think of how to punish you for being so bad

🌼 But for now hes going to make sure he looks after you as best he can.

🌼 Makes you tea and tells you to drink it, has to help you hold the mug because you're half asleep.

🌼 You know youre in trouble so you try to be sweet to him to get him to forgive you, "know how much i love you john?" "thissssss much" holding your hands as far apart as they'll reach like a child. He has to admit you are very cute.

🌼 Struggles to get you to settle down at first, but once hes got you into bed, wrapped up in his arms, you pass out instantly.

Bonnie

🍀Really wishes you wouldn't try to keep up with the older lads when you drink. Youre so small it hits you twice as hard and this isnt the first time youve wound up needing carried home.

🍀Hes over protective of you too, when Isaiah or Michael tries to offer to help you home Bonnie won't let them. Hes the one who is going to look after you. Youre his girl.

🍀Youre much smaller than him so its easy to lift you up off your feet and get you back to the wagons.

🍀 You probably fall in and out of sleep when hes walking you back home, you make a fist in his shirt with your hand and nuzzle right into his neck. It tickles but he just smiles and kisses your hair.

🍀When he gets you back to the vardo hes trying to be extra careful not to wake you, he also doesnt want to wake anyone else at the settlement up because if your father sees you like this he'll blame Bonnie for not looking after you and then he'll find himself in real trouble.

🍀When you do wake up he whispers for you to hush, youre all apologetic and embarassed because you realise whats happened... You promised him he wouldnt have to carry you back home again and now look...

🍀 "Shhh little dove its alright, never you mind now, just get you into bed eh?" he kisses your cheek/temple /hair and helps you out of your clothes and into your jammies.

🍀 But then you start to feel unwell and you lurch up to run outside, youre not exactly capable of that right now though so you end up almost tumbling down the steps of the vardo into the grass.

🍀"Dove whatre you doing come back?" "Sleep outside case m'sick"

🍀 "No flower, you canny sleep outside tonight its too cold, come on now, inside..." you argue with him for ages, you drunk and mumbling, him trying to whisper and coax you back inside.

🍀"Please little dove, let me look after you,"

🍀 Makes you tea and gives you bread which you argue about eating because you feel sick. You take a lot of convincing but eventually you understand that he knows best and so you let him break the bread into little pieces and feed them to you.

🍀 You wont sleep unless he holds you in his lap and lets you rest against his chest. He has to sing quietly to you to keep you feeling centered or else the "earth will start tipping again"

🍀Rocks you gently so that you dont feel out of control, hushes you to sleep. Youre lucky because the next morning instead of lecturing you for getting so drunk he gently teases you about your hangover, but takes care of you all day too.

Isaiah

🐀Again, his fault youre so drunk

🐀He wasnt paying attention to how much you were drinking, didnt realise you were trying to keep up with him.

🐀Hes drunk too but nowhere near as much as you. He realises its home time when your head hits the table and you pass out.

🐀Has to bundle you up in his jacket and into the back of a cab. Feels bad he didnt notice how gone you were, feels annoyed too, its embarrassing that he failed to look after his woman.

🐀So with that in mind hes extra determined to take care of you when you get back to his house.

🐀"Bloody hell love next time you think about drinkin the bar dry give me a warning first..."

🐀You havent got clothes at his so he has to undress you and put you in one of his shirts. Itd be sexy on you if you werent unconscious.

🐀Hes careful about lying you down, putting you on your side so that you dont choke in your sleep. Not that he'll be able to go to sleep until hes certain youll be safe.

🐀He sits up for a little while stroking your hair, he knows youre probably going to wake up soon. When you do you dont really notice where you are and you stumble out of bed to the bathroom only to get lost.

🐀Luckily Isaiah followed you, comes up behind you speaking gently, "you're alright love, this way remember, youre at my house not yours," guides you to the bathroom.

🐀When you tell him to go away because you dont want him to see you being sick, he just shakes his head at you and stays put.

🐀"Shoulda thought about that before you went and got yourself hammered eh? Stuck with me now sweetheart am not going anywhere," holds your hair back and soothes you as much as youll allow him, just chuckles when you tell him to go away.

🐀Cleans you up afterwards, washes your face with a cloth, helps you brush your teeth. Gets you water to drink and sits with you until you feel better.

🐀Youre shivering and freezing so he takes you back to bed, wraps you up in the covers and wraps his whole body around yours, rubbing your arms and thighs to warm you up.

🐀Is evil to you the next day teasing you about your hangover, calling you names and laughing at how wound up you get.

Michael

☘️Socially embarrassing to have his wife this drunk in public so yes, youre in trouble.

☘️You probably argue about it on the way home, him telling you off for drinking so much, you telling him its his fault you were drunk. He left you on your own at the party, you got bored!

☘️He gets very frustrated with you but seeing how drunk you are and knowing how any second now you'll start crying, questioning whether he even loves you - which he does btw, hes just not always so good at showing it - he ends up sighing and giving in.

☘️"enough now y/n we'll talk about it in the morning,"

☘️Has to help you down from the car, holds you with his arm around your waist, steering you as you struggle to walk to the front door.

☘️Makes you tea and toast to try and sober you up.

☘️When you burst into tears at the kitchen table he rolls his eyes but is gentle with you in his own way.

☘️"Now whats the matter ey y/n why are you crying?" just as he suspected you start to talk about how he doesnt really love you, how he was embarrassed by you, how hes angry at you now...

☘️ "y/n, y/n, y/n, what am i gonna do with you? You know just as well as i do that none of thats true, i love you very much alright?" when you dont answer he sighs, he wants to hear you say you understand.

☘️ "Sweetheart i asked you a question? I said i love you very much... Do you understand that?" you sniffle and nod your head, trying to wipe your eyes with your sleeves.

☘️"Think id like you to use your words and tell me again alright love?" he takes your hands away from your eyes, hes being firm with you but not sharp, you dont feel like youre in trouble anymore.

☘️ "i understand michael, love you too," "There we are, thats better... Wasnt so hard now was it?"

☘️When youve finished your tea and toast he helps you upstairs. He undresses you and runs you a bath. He knows you wont be able to sleep whilst youre this drunk so he may as well take his time with you

☘️Gets in the bath with you and spends half an hour just relaxing with you, you let him wash you and then you try to wash him too but its difficult when youre so drunk.

☘️So he helps you, his hand over your hand guiding your cloth over his body.

☘️Wraps you in a towel when youre done, dries you off and then bundles you up into bed with him naked.

#peaky blinders imagines #tommy shelby x reader #bonnie gold x reader #arthur shelby x reader #john shelby x reader #peaky blinders headcanon #peaky blinders imagine #peaky blinders #alfie solomons fanfic #Alfie solomons x reader

[tomanyhusbandz]

Insecure

Summary: Quick VERY short story about Hyunjin x Black fem reader at a fashion show and reader gets a little insecure and jealous of his close relationship with Donatella Versace and he reassures her that she doesn’t have to worry about losing his attention or him to anyone.

Authors note : Hi my first imagine in a longgggggg time so please cut me some slack this is all over the place because it was off the top of my head so enjoy my mess :)

No smut,insecure reader,Kissing,Light touching,fem reader, Black reader, possible talk of smut

He hugged Donatella and then Anne for what felt like an eternity and you stood posing for pictures awkwardly not knowing how to stand showing your face here already made you anxious after what happened in the media when the world found out about you and Hyunjin after being in the shadows for about too years not because of Hyunjin but because you where insecure.

“Looks like i have competition …’’ you say to Hyunjin as he slides beside you wrapping his arm around your waist cameras flickering and flashing,his name being shouted over and over paparazzi begging him to face in there direction

Currently we where at a fashion show Hyunjin was invited by Donatella Versace herself to attended and of course he was going to except who wouldn’t really but he was only allowed to come alone due to his managements advice of not having me “Distract him” but against there will he brung me anyways and I happily attended with no hesitation not wanting to skip out on being able to wear the custom Versace gown he had secretly got done for me a while back. The black gown fitting neatly over my curves with a low hanging v cut in the middle and a backless chain on my spin made me feel irresistible but i also felt a twinge of insecurity and maybe jealousy of how close Hyunjin got with Donatella forgetting i was even around but it may have just been from my past experiences of all ways being left out.

“What agi ? (Baby in Korean)” Hyunjin says through his teeth while smiling at the camera

“Nothin .. just something stupid .. Donatella really likes you ?” I say to him as he waves over to his fans is and placed his hand on your bare lower back pushing you along down the red carpet

“Y/N .. please don’t start this right here agi’’ leaning over into you he kisses my ear and rubbing soft circles along your warm brown skin he did this when he knew where the conversation was going or when he didn’t want you upset anymore

“Im not tryin to start anything I can’t help when i feel like this thats why i try to keep it to myself.. So never mind enjoy your night ” you say pouting you finally making it to your seats and getting comfortable

Before you could say anything else you noticed Hyunjin flexing his jaw this situation was agitating him but he tried to keep a gentle look on his porcelain face he didn’t say a word then suddenly he grabbed the bottom of your chair and pulled you closer to him making your dress fall off your legs a little soft brown skin peeking through your silt on your dress as you crossed them. Your leg falls over his lap and you can’t help but shift nervously in your seat as some people start to stare he smirks to himself before rubbing his ringed fingers softly over your thigh you give him a once over look and can’t help but smile a little at his sudden gesture of love. He was always like this with you in matter where you were or who was around he liked to subtly and sometimes not subtly reassure you, you where his world and his life and the same when for you. 

Leaning in closely he rubbed his nose against your cheek lovingly cameras flashed and for the first time today you didn’t mind..

“Jinny .. i feel like a child when this happens .. I can’t believe im acting like this over a older women .. it’s okay if you hate me ” you say in a whisper over the loud music playing models heels click on the runway Donatella and the others sitting beside you both trying not to look at your private yet not private display of affection

“Don’t .. don’t do that agi ..you know how i feel about you Y/N I’ve been dating you for too years in secret might i add because I wanted to respect how you felt about going public even though i was dying to show you off ” he says looking over briefly at his manger who’s signaling him to stop the pda but he turns back to you and his hand goes a bit higher now under the dress rubbing your hip

“ I know I know and i respect that your always a gentleman, but I’m scared ill lose you’’ you say to him holding his jaw in your well manicured hand his skin looked good with your black glitter acrylic nails

“Agi .. just because i take my attention off of you sometimes doesn’t mean I’m gonna leave but if you want me to i can remind you like i did last night’’ he says his eyes looking up at yours innocently with that teasing smirk then back down at your glossy lips

You lean in and close the space kissing his pink lips gentle he smiles into the kiss playfully pinching your thigh briefly you giggle in joy of not just the affection but the words he said to you before the kiss. Pulling away you peck his lips again and again making him laugh as well you both being more enticed by the thought of being in the news in the next hour you don’t stop still holding his chin you kiss all over his face leaving lips stick stains to match is black suite nicely before you could continue his manger was sitting behind you both whispering to stop.

“Sorry i got carried away I mean look at him’’ you say to his manager with a small laugh trying you wipe off the lipstick stains on his face but Hyunjin grabs your wrist gentle stopping you

“No no .. leave it’’ He says his thumb rubbing soft circles along your wrist

“ Why ?” You say with a puzzled expression

“Cause then everyone knows im yours and you’ll have no more reasons to be insecure” he says with a smile on his face lightly slapping the side of your thigh bitting his bottom lip this man was going to be the death of you



#imagine #stray kids #hyunjin #black reader #y/n #hyunjin x reader #hyunjin x you #hyunjin x black reader #skz imagines #x reader #short story #K-pop #kpop imagines

[risetherivermoon]

I WANNA HEAR YOUR CROUCH FAMILY THOUGHT GIB GIB FEED MOIII!!!

snail ur amazing, also yes i shall :)) im always happy to talk about them oh my godddd, some of this will be a mix of general thoughts and just convos me and Leo ( @lostforgottenspaces ) have had abt the crouch family, specifically for our fic SFTDWD (Sing For The Damage We've Done) be prepped for a long ass rant!!

anyways, i feel like people don't talk about their canonical story as much as they should because they're so interestingggg,

Snr being in the ministry and not w/ the deatheaters?? Barty getting involved with them through his time at hogwarts??? The trial flashback??? Bartys own trial??? Mrs. Crouch sacrificing herself for her son??? Snr openly hating his own son??? Snr locking Barty away for decades in his childhood home??? Barty killing Snr?? Barty going back to the deatheaters?? like helloooo????

the angst potential there is so good i wish people used it moreee,

in my mind i view their dynamic as; Snr meeting Bartys mom/Laura (I usually name her Laura so I'll probably just use that here) in Italy when they are young, probably around 18-19. Laura had been homeschooled as a witch there with her family, and she meets Snr and they actually have a very happy love story,

but as time goes on, Snr's drive for success within the ministry pulls the couple a part. Snr believes he knows Laura fully, and that she's an angel, which is not true! Laura is human person who makes mistakes, but Snr sees her as someone higher, so when she does makes mistakes he loses it. They have a child because of a societal expectations, Snr never wanted kids, he believes them having a child will only hold him back.

Barty is born, Snr doesn't pay him much mind, though he tries to get past his negative feelings to be a father to his son. He attempts to be a better father than his own father was to him, but as time goes on he starts to care less and less. I imagine something happens in the ministry, maybe he gets demoted, and he starts blaming Barty for those problems, as well as Laura too.

Barty attempts to get his fathers positive attention for most of his childhood, though he never gets it. His father uses curses on him, especially the imperius curse, to get him to leave Snr alone. Laura tries to get Snr to stop, because she loves Barty, but Snr won't.

Another thing I like to note is because of Snr's cruel treatment of his son, Barty is much closer with his mother. Though he, as well as Snr, start to see her in this perfect light, and is confused when she does something that is more siding with Snr than with Barty. I think it adds depth to the two of them, being similar like that, and it makes Laura quite the tragic character imo, so yk 🤭 i love tragedy

anywho, Barty isn't allowed to leave the house much as a child, his only way of refuge is books and studying, so thats what he does. He reads and takes notes, etc. This is one of the reasons why he decides to take on all of his OWLs when he's in Hogwarts.

id imagine Barty slowly gets involved with Deatheater stuff simply by association with his classmates, hearing them talk, being a part of things like that. He'll join the deatheaters with them, secretly.

when he turns 18 and graduates, he gets a job at the ministry per his fathers request, while still being in with the deatheaters. A year passes, and at only 19 he gets exposed during Karkaroff's trial, his father is shocked and so is his mother. During his own trial, (along with the Lestranges) he gets sentenced to Azkaban, both his mother and father are present.

his capture soon weakens Laura's health, and she becomes weak. She tells Snr her last request, which is to save her son from a life in Azkaban. Snr begrudgingly helps her with this, and she switches place with Barty. Barty resists at first, though his mother tells him everything will be okay, because his father will keep him safe. Laura doesn't know what Snr will do afterwards to keep Barty out of the Deatheaters and Voldemorts company.

Barty still remains a prisoner, although now one in his own home, his childhood home. He's barely 21 at the time, and he spends around a decade there. Snr mostly ignores him, only hearing of him from their house elf, Winky. She becomes Barty's caregiver, bringing him food and keeping him company. Barty would ask her for the current news, for books to keep him entertained, and simply just to be around. Though, Winky wasn't allowed to talk to him mostly, she would follow his requests, and would stay around sometimes.

Barty was the one to convince Winky to bring him to a quidditch match, she then convinced Snr, who begrudgingly accepted after being prodded quite a bit. Then...well yk most of the rest of the story, blah blah he escapes for a second, blah blah...yk the jist.

I also like to think that Barty talks to Moody while he's being held captive in the suitcase thingy. He doesn't have anyone else to talk to and he hasn't been out of captivity in a while, which is one of the reasons why people think Moody is acting so weird, as he's being freakishly antisocial and unaware of things. But Moody knows like a shit ton about Barty and his life, just because I think that would be fun lol,

Barty then kills his father finally in an act of revenge, something that had been replaying in his head for years...he'd been imagining that moment since forever. He finally kills the man who tormented him for his whole life, and he relishes in the fact of seeing that Snr is terrified of him now, bc finally Snr gets to feel the same way that he had made his son feel for Barty's entire life.

And then, Barty loses his soul from the dementors kiss, and he's all alone...yk i love that fact so much. Especially for those Slytherin Skittle fans, Barty dies last out of all of them, and he's all alone.

another thing id like to note is Barty's involvement with the deatheaters. I think that it was a mix of him being with the wrong crowd, as well as basically seeking them out. He's being abused and neglected by his father, and it causes him to act out more, and he finds these kids who are basically doing the same thing, so he joins them, and then follows them. He's just a child when he does, he's ignorant obviously, and i think that's what really gets to me about his character.

Barty is practically still a child when everything happens to him. He and a lot of the deatheater characters in the marauders era are just victims of being looped in as a child, if childhood ignorance and abuse. Even though the crouch family isn't involved in the deatheaters, Barty still seeks comfort in it because he can't find it anywhere else, which is just fkin heartbreakingggg,

i love this family so much, they're so goddamn interesting to me, i love barty angst and just his character in general, i would love to see more people explore it, and i will always continue to throw my bbg around like a ragdoll!!!

anyway, thank u for the ask!! i love talking about them, so i will actually die for anyone who asks me abt them,

#marauders #marauders era #harry potter #hp #dead gay wizards #barty crouch jr #bartemius crouch junior #barty crouch sr #bartemius crouch senior #mrs crouch #the crouch family #me rambling #me rambling like hell #winky the house elf

[autisticbokutoenthusiast]

playboyy ep 12 stray thoughts

- “damn i hate myself” real

- first soong being cute 🥹🥹

- you know shits about to get emotional when the soundtrack switches to yoiyami

- “you called me a friend when you weren’t pretending to be nant” AND WHAT IF I LOSE MY MIND

- zouey and nont besties agenda

- OH GOD ZOUEY BACKSTORY wait noooooo

- i guess the evidence is staying hidden then like boy are they in their failvestigator era oh nvm they found something (that they already knew but still that’s more than they usually get

- promnont !!!

- hold on they finally showing zoueyteena. they can never just give a quick handy either always gotta be invoking the religious implications of a renaissance painting… good for them (yes i include the popcorn scene in this) also top zouey truthers this one was for you!!!

- what are you hiding under that tarp zouey 🤨🤨 i think it’s of nant

- hold on teena’s necklace lmao. is the t for troy no it’s for *too sleepy to finish the bit*

- NO GET A JOB!! STAY AWAY FROM HER!!!

- finna beat the shit out of jason lee give me 10 seconds i could take him out

- what does he mean by keep an eye on…

- oop that scarf zouey in his horse girl era

- THEY DOING WHAT TO WHO?!?!?

- she is not scared of them at all like two absolute kitty cats of toruturers MEKEKFKKRKRJFJFJF NOT THE DUSTERS I CANT

- the drop of sweat deserves an award for perfect timing and i’m being so serious about this

- AHH PROMNONT i can’t handle them being affectionate like it makes me lose my oh not the fuckass product placemntsjdjjdjdjrjrjjejdjr you know what i got me some promnont crumbs i’ll take it

- so i’m gonna see this scene expanded in fic later right 👀 i’ll give a million kisses to anyone who decides to do it

- they can never argue using simple sentences it’s always “i feel bad that you feel bad that i felt bad” and “im mad that you got mad that i got mad” and “if you have a problem that we have a problem than the problem is you’re invalidating my feelings” “i didn’t think you would think about me thinking” like besties….

- see but zouey was kinda right… why is he being made the bad guy, first and captain kinda pissin me off

- girl YOU got him expelled. captain needs to be fr

- NONT WITH THE BIG PANT CROPPED SHORT COMBO THATS MY MAN

- these college athletes are plain evil

- puen lowkey the only one in this show consistently talking sense. i hope he gets his licks back on these bum bitches cause i’ve had it with them

- the coloring the coloring the coloring the coloring the coloring the projection the projection the projection

- THE. HESS BOARD BEING PROJECTED PLAYBOYY SURREALISM FOR THE WON ONCE AGAIN

- captain talking big game for someone who took sneaky clips. hoping this shows growth on his part cause deep down im still rooting for him

- captain sweaty blow up the whole establishment i support you

- NO CAPTAIN THATS NOT WHAT I TOLD YOU TO DO THATS VERY MUCH MOT WHAT I JUST SAID YOU LITTLE BASTARD

- ooo the outro track finally making sense!! kejrjejdnjdj

- i love the when soong carries first

- oh more food, user @jeffsatyr i’m so sorry

- firstsoong enthusiasts we are so back oh there goes firsts fuckass dad

- captain needs to stop picking fights AND CAPTAINS A YANKEES fan i can’t defend him anymore

- puen fight back!!! he was going easy on captain cause he’s a nice little boy oh shit now aobs gonna kill captain isn’t he…

- captainkeenpuen enthusiasts don’t lose hope!!! we can still win!!

- aobpuen enthusiasts were so back

- THE COLORING THE COLORING THE COLORING

- the characters and 'accurately assessing the media their in' saga continues

- porsche looks like such a baby here. jump listen to porsche pls do not see him again

- cry by johannes bornlof is playing they fr pulling out the nuthphop ballads for the other couples today

- puen is my boy and i will lay down my life for him actually

- NONT WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT IM GONNA WALHAT WHAT WYHAHW ok sorry yall him with the gun did sumn to me

- nont once again will not be caught slacking holding someone at gun point be damned AND ITS CAPTAIN WITB THE STEAL POLL?!?!?!?

- nont… i need to know how he picks outfits like did he want the color to match the gun????

- nont chuckling in the corner... i fear he’s lost it

- playboyy once again with the themes of tech and privacy

- captain is lucky puen is lowkey a pacifist

- nont and captain: torturing aob and puen for info about the murder, zoueyteena: painting time !!

- oh my god yall im getting chills like fr speechless i am so…

NUTH MY BABY BOY

- nuth coming through with his amateur directorial visions let’s gooooo

- nont being like “please do a little bit of torture, just for me, please 🥺”

- he playing the funeral violin oh it’s not ending well oh god

- jason lee you will crumble i am so serious about this count your mother fucking days

- nuth scurrying away in the back… also nont where is your marksmanship now

- puen keeps suffering tremendously and he doesn’t deserve a single second of it. free my boy he fr has never done anything wrong

- i think i was right and nuths screenplay is autobiographical

- THEYRE PLAYING AMBIVRLANT THOGUHTS AGAIN NUTHPHOP PIANO BALLAD ENTHUSAISTS WE STAY WELL FED

- nuthphop my beloveds i love them so fucking much you don’t get it no wait why he deleting them oh shit ! phop play shitty games win shitty prizes dawg

- welp

yall this might be one of the strongest eps in a hot minute i loved this one had me at the edge of my seat the whole time

#playboyy the series #playboyy spoilers

[marunalu]

Hawks: AFO has no emotions

Afo in recent chapter: *his face almost cracked due to emotions*

I wonder...why AFO hates All Might so much?

Do you think All Might will deafeat AFO in this fight? What will happen? What are your predictions?

Hawks was wrong so many times in the past, its mind boggling to me why so many people in this fandom still take everything that comes out of his mouth at face value. Just because a hero says something specific about someone else, doesnt mean they are right. Hawks doesnt understand afo. He is not an expert of afos person. Afo already debunked hawks words about him not able to feel human emotions because he has "no heart", long before he even stated them in the first place, in kamino.

The reason why afo showed less emotions back then was because as an adult he has them for the most part under control. The younger afo gets by rewinding himself and also by tomuras hate having an effect on him, the more emotional and reckless he becomes. The emotions afo shows now is who he deep down truly is, the person he is trying to suppress, because he sees it as a weakness. Thats why he is smiling all the time - because only the strongest can always smile. He is a man so full of hate and rage for the world he wants to steal everyones elses happiness, since it was (most likely) taken from him too.

We need to remember in what kind of time afo grew up in, people like him were hunted down and killed, how he lost the only person he loved (in his own messed up way) and IF dfo is true what was taken from him AGAIN. If our theorys are true and afo startet a family on his own accord to finally have some happiness in his life, its no wonder why he reacts to all might the way he does.

We saw hints of his hate and anger towards all might already in kamino, but back then he had it under control. Right now, he is letting everything out. Back in kamino he said: "while I killed your mentor, you took something away from me too. Thats why I want you to die in the most pathetic way possible." Its more or less confirmed that he wasnt talking about his empire here all might destroyed, because he explained to spinner that all might destroying his empire was "just a small lose" for him. Its not the reason why he hates all might so much. So if it has nothing to do with his empire, it has to be something as PERSONAL as killing nana was for all might - taking his most beloved person from him! It was nana for all might, his mother figure. Who is it for afo? Yoichi is dead afterall.

About my predictions: do I think all might will win? No, I dont think so. But I think it will at first look like it and he will give afo one hell of a fight. Do I think all might will die? Im 50:50 on it. Im still not convinced that afo is the villain killing all might in nighteyes vision. Nighteye knew what afo looked like, but even all might thought that if he didnt knew already he would never guessed that this "young man" is afo. So Im unsure how this will turn out. Do I think afo will win here? Yes, but not unscratched and most likely on the verge of death if not alone because of rewind. Will he make it to ua? Im not sure anymore to be honest, but we know he still needs to do something to make the fusion of tomura and his vestige complete and he needs to reach ua for that.

What do I want to happen? I want afo to go all out even more. I want his backstory to explain what the hell happend to this man to make him turn out like that! I want dfo confirmed in this fight out of afos own mouth, raging how all might destroyed his happiness the moment he was ready to leave his villain life behind him. I want him to use fire breath in this battle! Seriously if he uses fire breath I will run, jump and scream around my appartment like a maniac!

#bnha #bnha spoiler #bnha all for one #bnha dad for one #dad for one theory

[baahsu]

hi hello baahsu its me the person who wrote two (give or take) whole ass vscest smut fics in your inbox now returned after a sudden month long disappearance to (hopefully lol) continue yelling happily about this ship with you!! :]

tldr i got back into op again and noticed how incredibly dry tumblrs vinsmokecest tag is and realized itd prolly be best to add to it lol, but alas i don't rlly know what to talk about rn :,)

uh. how about this!! what do you think would be the siblings' favorite outfits to fuck in, iydm me asking??

kinda generic but i think 124ji would lose it (/pos) if they got the chance to fuck sanji in his raid suit, mumbling and raving in his ear about he should just keep it on all the time as they take turns destroying him. reiju, although not as crazy abt it bc shes a *liiitle* more sane lol, would probably find it decently hot as well. sanjis no better tho- he sees his siblings, (especially yonji and reiju cause. tits :o]) all hot from battle in those skin tight suits and his nose is GUSHING

and heads kinda empty rn so cant think of much BUT i do have two ideas that im curious abt ur opinion on (and these are purely self indulgent lmao):

i srsly think ichiji has a feminization kink, though he doesnt really realize it 'less he gets emotions. it mostly crosses his mind whenever he sees sanji or niji in more effeminate clothing, like blouses, dresses, and ESPECIALLY skirts and is abruptly hit with the Vinsmoke Horny Gene™. he probably wouldn't piece it together unless reiju (ever the attentive vouyer) just straight up told him lmao

and SPEAKING of reiju, whether its her or one of her brothers wearing them, i feel like she has a thing for stockings. especially fishnets 🤲. especially TIGHT fishnets 🤲🤲. obviously all of them have good bodies that could rock stockings, but if we're going for a lower/bottom heavy build clearly sanjis the way to go. idk i just think that if reiju were to ever see sanji in any type of stockings (ESPECIALLY nice, snug fishnets) she'd just destroy him. like suck the soul outta him lol

YEAH thats all I got rn hqdyaduqfuqf good to be back yelling in your inbox about My Thoughts again have a good day/night :,]]

Welcome back anon!! I missed you 💜💜

I've said this before but I don't even bother looking at the vinsmokecest tag here bc I know there's never any new content in it (tho I'm surprised there's no hate either, guess this ship is unpopular from all sides lmao)

I actually never thought about any of these outfits options and my mind just went 🤯 at sanji's raid suit. Like, I can totally imagine the brothers praising sanji so much while wearing it?? "You're so pretty in it, it fits you so well, look at your thighs, it was made for you, you should just come back to us so you can always wear it, your ass looks so delicious in it too" they'd do it so much even reiju would have to say something, maybe just a subtle "they're right, you know" that would instantly disarm sanji

A more obvious outfit is lingerie, with how they are just the sight of a lacy bra strap or the peak of a garter belt or thigh strap would get them going. They'd be walking around the castle and catch a glimpse of it through the collar of a shirt, see the lines under one of their pants, and they'd pull the other into the closest room, sometimes not even that, the hallway is good enough and the staff passing by doing their jobs be damned (I can't decide if they'd enjoy putting on a show or if they'd get ridiculously jealous and rip their heads off tho)

#vinsmokecest #vinsmokes headcanons

[drottni]

LBFAD Rewatch Part 10

1. When your cheap ass friend starts becoming generous and your immediate thought is "is she broken? Is she possessed ?"

2. Okay can we just talk about the creativity of the "shes deeply in love with me and thats why the Bone Orchid is killing her" arch. Like the way they stitched that in there so we could have the whole "I have to get her to hate me " angst. *chef kisses*

3. Xunfeng: Wait so the Moon Queen is not going to live long?

DFQC: Over my dead body >:(

Xunfeng: Or....hear me out. Over HER dead body! Eh? Eh!

DFQC: *jail for Xunfeng*

4. Xunfeng: I cannot give you the sword. You will destroy it. You are the last hope for the Moon tribe

DFQC: *angry exasperated face* If one more person says that to me---

5. Xunfeng kicking DFQC while he is down:

Me: You little menace.

6. Idk how many times I will gush over his acting, but ya'll. Wang Hedi looked soooo genuinely torn. Like his facial muscles rippling with checked anger. His tight grip loosening as Xunfeng's words start to hit home. The rippling anguish in his eyes as he realizes just what he is doing and how much of a risk he is taking. God.

7. Omg the absolute hell ish pressure cooker my poor baby DFQC is in. Like ya'll imagine everyone relying on you and just trusting in you to handle the enemy cuz you got mad crazy powers and you have to sit there and not have a panic attack because you no longer have the mad crazy powers and you will most likely lose either your people or the person you love. OOOH GOD. Get him out of there! I got second hand panic attacks watching this

8. XLH: Im gonna make the Phoenix Crown out of the flowers Big Blockhead planted for me when I came to Cangyan sea.

Jieli: You're such a romantic you dweeb. Loser -_- (I love you, you beautiful innocent soul)

9. XLH: I dont care who I was. All that matters now is I will be his wife *blush*

Me:

10. DFQC giving her an out. Telling her she still has time to save herself before the war. Hoping that she does leave but also that she doesn't. Her barely holding back tears as she continues to discuss the wedding. Both of them losing their shit as the reality sets in. AAAHHHHHH 😭😭 Reminding each other of their promise. "Whatever happens, we face it together". (him also realizing at this point the absolute betrayal hes going to have to put her through) omg.

11. If your demon hubby doesn't sit by your bedside while you sleep despite having 1001 and other things to look after, namely a whole ass war...drop him. DFQC supremacy.

12. "In this world what is real and what is fake? I only know that I love DFQC, that is real. It is more than enough" >>>>>>>>> any other love confession

13. DFQC: Because I know them well. One was my bestfriend. The other was the woman I wanted to marry.

Me on my first watch: was? WAS?? WAASSS?!? WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

14. THE THUNDEROUS SKY AS HE DOES THE TERRIBLE ACT OF BETRAYAL.

15. XLH: this food is the one I hate. THIS RIGHT HERE is going too far.

she's just like me fr. dont mess with food.

16. DFQC about to sacrifice his body, soul and spirit to save his people.

XLH: *in danger*

DFQC: Sacrifice is canceled. We are saving the love my of life. Again.

17. I dont even have words for that scene. Never getting over that. (actually i have words and they are too many.)

18. I just wanna say that in my first watch, I did not process that she actually died for the longest time. Despite the whole setup and slow mo. I just kept thinking nahhh DFQC going to think of something and save her. Aint no way he letting her die.

With this thought in my mind, I just imagine how it must have felt for him. How absolutely helpless and devastated. 😭

19. My mans out here straight up suicidal and burning his primordial spirit faster and faster, getting irritated with all his bros for trying to give him their primordial spirit 🥲🥲

#love between fairy and devil #cang lan jue #lbfad rewatch #dong fang qing cang #dongfang qingcang #xiao lanhua #xiao lan hua

[dollotron]

i called you a dollar store Dahmer because you talk about necrophilia and cannibalism but as soon as someone with similar interests wants to talk to you, you get all fucking weird about it

if you didnt want me to insult your art then you shouldnt have insulted my writing ? which i wrote for you because i like you. because i wanted to talk to someone with similar interests.

but you and your followers just call me cringe for being mentally ill. well im so happy for all of you that you dont have a "cringey" mental illness like mine. so happy for you.

and i really dont care what normal people think of me. i know thats hard to comprehend. but normal people are so hateful toward anyone different all the time its hard to know what is a valid criticism and what is just people being mad that someone not normal is existing...so i just ignore what all people think of me now

i love my long messages im a wordsmith and a cringelord (better than an edgelord if you ask me)

i really was giving you a chance because you seemed kinda cool. genuinely i wonder what it must be like to have everyone love you and approve of you and to have people actually take an interest in you, that must be nice. no, i dont say that for you to feel bad for me or to say friends are bad. rather, i just hope you know how lucky you are to have so many people who want to spend time with you and defend you...who want to talk to you. it really is nice and i am happy for you. thats not sarcasm. im really jealous of that. and thats all i wanted was someone to talk to

i told you that youd hate me and i was right. and i dont hold it against you. i knew on some level that it would turn out like that

and thats the bottom line, i think: you would never have wanted to talk to me because you already have so many other people around you who love you that you can talk to and relate to

now that i think of it this way youre right. it was stupid to think anyone (especially one who is so popular) could care about someone like me

but thanks for giving me the time that you did. im sorry that i have stolen it forever and it can never be returned. i will treasure it, even if to you its absolutely nothing or a bad memory. call me whatever you want, its fine. i know im broken. i didnt need you or your followers to tell me

imagine: even the necrophile cannibals think im fucking problematic and cringe. oh man what level does that put me on. oh yeah: IN THE MUD!! lol i love that you said that about me idk it sounds nice

anyway. whatever. it was worth a shot to maybe have some fun and not be so lonely that i feel like im gonna lose my mind but okay

enjoy making fun of this note too everyone

wishing all actual weirdos a very pleasant evening <3

and i still like you as a person, Lon.

again. imagine. if i hated everyone who hated me. what a world that would be

but i will fuck off ......at least until i start to spiral again and then it will be everyones problem lol

No one likes you because you're annoying and rude not because we're all secretly faking having paraphilia or ganging up on youre mental illness os different than ours. You're the one coming in here, comparing who's better and who's worse, and who's really struggling with mental illness and who's not. I don't care what's wrong with you, but you're taking it all out on me and I'm more than tired of it. I don't know you. You could have come into my dms and actually started a conversation with me to get to know me, but instead you're just trolling me.

[isabelguerra]

boys im gonna be honest i’m deep in my ‘i am never going to post wizard au’ era again both because of The Elephant In The Room and also its so much god damn work. its so much work. im not gonna do that in my free time. so since i know there were people invested in the fic series and worldlore or whatever why dont we just talk about it instead. its got wizards. its got izjo. you wanna hear about the 6 year long wizard izjo slowburn? i can talk for ages about the 6 year long wizard izjo slowburn.

eightfold is a giant spider isabel sneaks into the library when theyre first years but by second year shes gotten too big to keep hiding. isabel tries sneaking out to help her escape but johnny catches her in the act so he gets roped in and it turns into a whole heist sneaks to get eightfold out of the wizard castle unnoticed without getting caught. at midnight. saying bye is bittersweet but on the walk back they start bickering as usual and they hate each other so much but oops oh no wait this is fun. they’re having fun actually. haha get back here. and they get back 2 dorms safe and giggling and shoving each other and its nice and isabel opens up a little bit and says thanks for being there that was super annoying but cough uh. ended up being really nice and shes glad he was there. it was nice not being alone while saying bye to her best friend. so she GUESSES maybe he isnt SO bad or whatever. and then puts the bravado back on and is grinning wide and laughing again and haha oh man did he see that ghost in the corridor with the- but johnny is NOT listening. he is still stuck on ‘i had a nice time being around you’ (<- he is unused to positive reinforcement. he is accustomed to the norm of ‘(i think) people (my friends) like me because im good at exerting myself over others in a way that makes them feel bad but makes us feel good’ and not ‘i enjoyed being around you just for you’) and is not taking it well. also very jarred and offput by the new side of his wizard sport partner, very thrown off kilter. thrown off his groove. they NEVER have good times together. like they dont have BAD times but this has never been like A Thing before but she just said it so now it IS and. okay. maybe he had fun. maybe he DID have fun. and maybe shes good to push against cause she pushes back and maybe he can admire or at least respect the tenacity it takes to do that with him. and maybe it feels cool when that look get in her eye and he knows hes in for a good duel or like shes not looking like that now but this is fine too yknow. like the warm smiling and goofy laughing and dorm fireplace lighting and the tired soft look hes never seen her with before is fine no biggie he doesnt mind. but yes he does hes freaked out. so he bolts and thinks ‘surely that isn’t something i gotta worry about’ and then worries about for the next 6 years

isabel has a tendency to keep even her closest friends a little at bay but unfortunately thats very hard to do when you share a wizard commonroom with a loudmouthed fire hazard who is also your wizard sport partner. so they end up spending a lot of time together thanks to proximity. proximity after about 3 years turns to tentative friendship. tentative friendship after 4 years turns to ‘at the point of late night study sessions draped across each other on the couch because we have shit to do and im not letting you fail because if you do you wont be able to play in the next match and if we lose cause of it im kicking your ass’ (<- ‘i like hanging out with you’). the others come over often but theres only so much time you can spend with someone who is not in your wizard school group versus someone who is and is around you 24/7. so theyre not bffs yes but they might as well be. so one day theyre learning about some idk wizard beast and oops forgot to bow or whatever, johnny gets owned and so ollie&isabel take him 2 the nurse. the catalyst here is isabel knows by now that this is someone she cares about and considers a friend but shes REALLY caught off guard at just how MUCH this is stressing her out. not wizard game related. not in a bickery play way. she doesnt know when she started caring so much, but now she IS and hes someone important to her. and hes hurt. and shes going to stay in this god damn infirmary pacing and foot tapping and doing jumping jacks to get out the energy while her brain goes 100000 miles per second. and she does that for about 4 hours. anyway johnnys fine but even after hes fine isabel is still stuck with the ‘why was That my reaction’ realization. and the answer is she li

6th year max gets his ass thrown in the trio sorcerer championship and literally all his suffering is secondary because this is an izjo au. both their feelings are still there both of them still have no idea what to do with them or how to get them out in normal ass ways. so first night back to school johnny dares everyone to sneak into the woods after curfew and see who lasts longer. hes not 12 anymore but he is 16 which arguably is worse. the bullying has lessened the scoundrelism has amplified. everyone gets terrified. scatters. haha oh its you (record scratch) guess we’re walking around the spooky woods trying to find our friends! gee the atmosphere and flustered skittishness i get around you that makes me uncomfortable because i dont know how to deal with it SURE IS amplified right now! better fall back on familiar tactics and scenarios: friendly frustrated bickering and mild threats of violence. they get in a verbal fight and have a ‘would you shut up’ ‘why dont you make me’ ‘And Then They Kiss’ moment while the emotions are super heightened and isabel, who initiated it, isabel kissed him first, then proceeds to realize what she did and loses her god damn mind freaking out and apologizing while johnny stands there totally frozen and maybe for the first time ever shocked into total speechlessness. and then max falls out of a tree and ollie finds them and ed and rj are with them and sos stephen so theyre like HAHA OKAY GANG ! GREAT DARE ! LETS HEAD BACK NOW ! and johnny lays awake in bed that night kicking his feet in the air

wizard prom in december. they dont go together because theyre idiots and not at that point where asking someone (each other) to wizard prom is something they can do. but they both break away from the crowd at similar times and end up hanging out most of the night, which jsabel gets in trouble with her grandpa for, but before then she has a lot more fun. they ditch the wizard prom hall and go romp around campus and the sports pitch and they Dont Talk About What Happened In September. they dont. its unspoken. if you bring it back up that means its real. oh hey wait hold on whats that. what is that. is that- oh damn its that one plant. with the- yeah its the winter holiday kiss tradition plant. where like if its over you you gotta kiss. yeah like on the mouth. wow that’s crazy. ahahahah damn well yknow it IS the rules so they should probably- cause yknow like, so they, yknow, yeah. yeah like with lips and stuff. man thats sooooo lame and sucky too bad the plant rules say we gotta :/ shoot that sure blows :/ crazy how this world works. cringe. anyway so about that ki- and then max walks in .2 seconds beforehand and ruins the moment and its funny because i like torturing him. max tells ksabel Hey Uh We Gotta Do The Closing Dance Okay Bye. spells broken though and she leaves they do not kiss. but theyre both left with the knowledge that the other person WANTED to enough that they were willing to exploit a cliche social tradition just to find an excuse for it.

im so tired i keep fading jn and out of consciousness writing this. isabels wizard fear monster (franciso) fucks her up pretty badly. she runs out of the classroom back to the wizard dorms, youll never believe who goes after to check on her. T 60k+ slowburn, hurt/comfort, fluff, pep talks, Decisions Made Under High Emotions (second kiss) (johnny initiated kiss) (isabel is getting kissed this time) (hes standing right behind me isnt he) max walks in on them again. isabel is bluescreening. johny promptly leaves. max her best friend max is like ‘i would like to stop always seeing you guys about to lip lock’ isabel wants to be swallowed by the ground. i cant finish this im so tired. look at my comprehensive au romcom plotlines boy

#paranatural #nain tag i dont. EVEN care !

[venting-dont-like-it-dont-follow]

my shoulder hurts and it's making me angry. people aren't responding and it's making me angry. my music doesn't feel right and it's making me angry. people are downstairs and they are talking anf it's making me angry. my breathing is too loud and it's making me angry. people aren't giving me attention and it's making me angry. i'm angry and it's making me angry. this bout to be my make or break. nah kidding. i wouldn't do that to him. this post isn't aimed at anyone i just feel like i'm losing my mind and writing it out always helpes. me. it's like 1 big outlet for all of my feelingss and emotions. just working trough them one by one. im not sure why im so irritated all the flipping time. or at anything. i asked mods in a friend server to yime me out cuase i wasnt sure if id snap. and noe im just venting everthing here in the case that it helps. because i dont want to snap. so instead im leetting it all out in one big text post. i hate what you did to e Pelle. i hte what you fucing didi to me. do you understand how you've ruined my fucking body. do you understand how violated i felt. mom do you understand that you pushed me until i broke and then you kept pushing. you broke me. always expecting more, never letting me get rest. you wanted to do whats right. but it wasnt working. dad you were emotonally absent at best an d downright abusive at worst. pascal. youve ever beliueved in me from the start. always doubting me and telling me my depression was fake and for attention. do you know a couple of the scars on my keg are cause of you. hope you are proud. alex. your great. but you never listen and always talk. im sorry im the only one that listens but doesnt men that you cant or dont have to listen to me. thats not how it works. Noa. fuck you for ruining whatever a friendship was supposed to mean. ive never dared to make friends with anyone or a long time since i met you. i hope you rhink about me with fucking regret for how you treated me. do you understand that ive looked at you wih disdain for ever entering my life. the 1st person to ever show me fucking kindenss and it was out of goddamn oity. fuck you. i wanted to thros and pull you from that fucking bike back when i saw you years ago. Tamara. youre stupid for expecting me to just do everything you say. im not a dog and im not a slave. im sick of people telling me how to live my life, who to interact with. and wwho i need to be. the only one ive truly and wholly forgiven is my qpp. cause he fucking showed compassion evenw hen we were on bad terms. and we repaired it bit by bit. and god i relaise im broken. im a shell of a person but fuck. im alive but i dont know i i'm living you nknow. and who fucking knows. none of this might make sense and i might just be causeing a big ruckus ffor nothing. kinda wanna put thi on on my maina ccount but i wont. anbd lastly. fuck you . yeah. fuck me. becaue i let people wall all over me and convince me of whats right and wrong or months. fuck this. ugh. i think im don ater abusing my keyboard ot a good 12 minutess. that., does oddly feel better actually. nive

[nonchalantatall]

I thought I made a post about this a while ago but I can’t find it so I’m posting it again. Here are my ‘niigo meeting wxs in public for the first time’ headcanons since this may or may not be real in 12 hours

first thing, Mafuyu immediately starts masking, turning on her good kid act, not just because of the new people, but also she has that ‘perfect senpai’ image to maintain in front of Emu

Emu gets so completely and entirely caught off guard by Mafuyu showing up to pheniland that she gets so scared and the rest of wansho are like??? emu what’s wrong??? come and greet these nice people??? and upon further inspection, Emu realizes that all 4 of them are also fucked up and she starts losing her mind

because Emu is so freaked out by Mafuyu, Nene is also kinda freaked out. She’s gotten really good at meeting new people recently, but if Emu is afraid of a person, then there’s probably a good reason

Mizuki seems to be vibing but they are really not. though I don’t think this is ever explicitly stated, they want to keep their school life separate from their niigo life probably because of their “secret” and also as shown when niigo met VBS in footprints event, Mizuki kinda panicked when Ena asked An about how they are at school and An--very conveniently--left out the part about Mizuki being harassed. So I can only imagine how scary it must be for them to introduce Rui properly (Ena didn’t really get the chance to talk to him during the picnic) since their relationship with Rui is a remnant of the past that they want to hide.

ahaha but at least silly funny and goofy tsukasa senpai is there to help deflect any and all awkward conversation :D (mizukasa besties REAL)

Ena and Tsukasa: “did you say your name is shinonome? I have a wonderful kouhai with that name!” “dont tell me...” “are you related to an Akito by any chance?” “im so sorry im so sorry im so sorry im so sor”

Tsukasa tries to talk to her about how amazing it is to have a younger siblings and Ena is just :) trying :) not to :) scream :)

Kanade and Nene are hating this entire exchange, but depending on how long the 8 of them talk, i feel like (if given enough time) they would have a really good conversation and connection over music

this is the start of mizuemu and mizunene besties this isn’t a headcanon i just need it to happen

something something mafuyu and tsukasa being the only 2 people to originate a sekai by themselves something something

idk how, but in some way they have a 2nd year solidarity moment (minus shizuai) and kanade joins in too and THATS when Mizuki finds out that they are the niigo baby

I’m sure there’s more somewhere in my brain but that’s all for now.

#If you have any other thoughts feel free to add! #mizuki and emu are my ultimate faves I NEED more than just that one area conversation where they dont even interact #mizuki mafuyu emu and rui are solidly my top 4 characters #i will go get popcorn if they do anything really #im also trying to start my young baby one whole entire year younger mizuki agenda #if this event isnt going to be mizumafu they could at least grant me wxs interaction #and if that doesnt happen either then........i'll be going radio silent #project sekai #nightcord at 25:00 #25 ji nightcord de #wonderlands x showtime #nonchalantly

[boozles]

My final *sob* live blog of Only Friends

OKAY BITCHES LETS FUCKING GO

Sand, Ray is allowed to drink. It’s better for him because cold turkey will probably kill him.

Boeing, you’re a dick.

Ray, shut up. Just, shut up and get out the pool, okay? Cant you see you’re hurting your boyfriend? You’re also risking lose said boyfriend.

Oh gosh, this kiss is making me so uncomfortable.

Oh gosh Sand puts so much more effort in with Ray, whilst with Boeing is seemed forced.

OH GODS IS BOE GONNA SUGGEST A THREESOME NOW

OH I DO NOT LIKE THAT VIGOROUS KISS BETWEEN RAY AND BOE (OKAY I KINDA DO BUT I HATE IT)

RAY NO STFU THAT WASNT ‘THEIR’ DRAM IT WAS SAND’S DREAM CAN WE JUST STOP NOW

OMFG GUYS MEW IS TELLING RAY ABOUT BOEING AND ALL WEEK ALL I HAVE WANTED WAS THIS I JUST WANTED PEOPLE TO TALK AND THEY ARE DOING IT AND I CAN FEEL MY ANXIETY DRIPPING AWAY

CHEUM IF YOU DONT APOLOGISE TO TON I AM GOING TO PUT MY FIST THROUGH THE TV

Good girl

Oh, Boston. He’s trying so hard.

Oh gosh Top is so cute.

Mew, I will happily be Top’s sugar baby if you don’t want to be.

oh my goDS GUYS HE IS SITTING IN TOPS LAP AND I CANT BREATHE

OH GODS RHE SNIFF KISSES I AM A SUCKER FOR THEM

SKATING WITH NICK AND TON I CANT

I ACTUALLY CANT GUYS

THEY ARE TOO ADORABLE

BUT I CANT SHAKE THIS FEELING THEY ARENT GOING TO MAKE IT

BOSTON IS SO CUTE AS A BOYFIE

WAIT ARE THEY ACTUALLY BOYFRIENDS NOW?

Oh gosh I wish Nick would go to NY but I also love that Boston is being honest with him

WHERE IS MR BIG BUG

THE KIDS MISS SAND XD SO DOES RAY, KIDS, SO DOES RAY

OMFG GUYS HES HERE

HE SHOWED UP

AND LOOK AT THE WAY RAY LOOKS AT HIM

MR RABBIT

I AM CRYING HERE GUYS

FUCKING SOBBING

I LOVE THEM SO MUCH

OMG IS SAND FLIRTING WITH RAY? BECAUSE HE NEVER FLIRTS

OMG YES RAY THAT IS YOUR MAN AND YOU WILL HANDLE IT

WAIT IM ONLY ONLY PART TWO HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE SO MUCH HAS HAPPENED

TopMew are so fucking cute

OH GODS DONT LEAVE RAY AND TOP ALONE TOGETHER THIS IS SO AWKWARD

ONG THOSE SMILES WHILST THREATENING EACH OTHER

AND RAY REFUSING A DRINK

BOEING GO AWAY

OMG RAY

YOU ARE SERVING ABSOLUTE CUNT

SAND’S FACE

MEW EVEN WANTING TO PROTECT SAND

OMG THE WAY RAY IS LIKE HE IS MY BOYFRIEND HE IS MY BOYFRIEND HE IS MY BOYFRIEND

OMG I WISH SAND HAD ONLY REPLIED WITH A BARK TO THE DOG COMMENT

BUT TBF HE SAID HE LOVES RAY AND THATS JUST AS GOOD

BYE BYE BOEING

I DONT LIKE ANYONE MESSING WITH MY MAN

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME RAY

YOU CANT JUST SAY THAT AND EXPECT ME TO KEEP LIVING

OMG MEW WHAT WAS THAT WOO

THAT WAS SO CUTE

OMG TOP GOT MEW A RING

I CANT

ARE NICK AND BOSTON SLOW DANCING AND KISSING

OMG

BOYFRIENDS

OH NO IS DAN GONNA SHOW UP WHEN TON IS AT THE BAR?

OH NO ITS FUCKING BOEING THATS WORSE

NO

GO AWAY BOEING

BOSTON DONT EVEN LOOK AT HIM NEVER MIND TALK TO HIM

YOU HAVE A BOYFRIEND

WHAT ARE YOU DOING BOSTON

WHY IS HE DOING THIS WHEN NICK IS RIGHT THERE

HES PURPOSELY TRYING TO NICK AWAY ISNT HE? Or is this gonna be another part or Ray’s plan? I’ve paused the show because I’m so upset at what I’m watching right now

OH NO NICK SAID BOYFRIEND

OH BOSTON

I DIDNT THINK I COULD HATE YOU ANYMORE THAN WHEN YOU FUCKED TOP

BUT THIS IS TOO MUCH

Oh nicky

Baby boy

I can’t believe Boston sucked us both in

Although in Boston’s defence in the last episode they did kinda say that Boston would sleep about, and it was Boston who said he would be monogamous, so…

IT DOESNT MATTER LOOK AT MY POOR NICKYS FACE

SINCE WHEN DID NICK SMOKE

Oh, Nicky. You deserve someone who wants only you.

And Boston, you need to be yourself. Yes, you obviously love Nick, but you also don’t want to be tied down.

NICK DOESNT EVEN KNOW IT WAS BOEING WHO WAS WITH BOSTON

AND HES TELLING SAND

THEY CALLED THE HOSTEL

ONLY FRIENDS STAY

OMG

No offence but how can Boston be friends with a girl who called him a rapist to his face

Even if she apologised

OMG BOSTON AND RAY SMILING AT EACH OTHER

Boston really has grown a lot through this show.

Boston grabbing Mew into a hug

I’ve have to pause being I’m crying again

Ray’s face when Mew rates Top as 10/10 in bed XD

MEW WHAT ARE YOU DOING

GETTING YOUR BEST FRIENDS BOYFRIEND TO KISS YOUR BOYFRIEND WHAT

I AM SO FOR THIS

OMG HE DID NOT JUST PUSH TOP BACK LIKE THAT

CALM DOON SON

RAY AND MEW PULLING THEM APART

I AM SCREAMING

Boston looks so out of place

NICKY BABY

OMG BOSTON WILL KISS HIM DURING THE COUNTDOWN WONT HE

I AM CRYING AT THIS FUCKING THING

OMG JUST SIX GAYS WATCHING FIREWORKS

OH NICK DIDNT WANT TO KISS

that’s good for him but im still crying

Mew cutting off his friendship with Boston so honestly like this has me feeling things. Like, I’ve been there, I’ve ended friendships like that. It hurts on both sides. These guys can act.

Ray is much prettier than Keira Knightley sorry not sorry

I fucking love Sand and Ray

Like

It hurts my chest

They are so fucking cute and in love

Also how do they get their AirPods to stay in? Mine fall out with movement XD

I am crying so hard over Nick breaking things off with Boston

Like I know it’s the right thing to do but these boys act so well and im just broken

OMG are we gonna get an actual love scene with TopMew

AW WHAT

WE SEE HIM GO TO EAT ASS THEN IT CUTS OFF

THIS IS THE ONLY COUPLE WE HAVENT SEEN HAVE AN ACTUAL SEX SCENE

WE GOT TOPBOSTON RAYMEW BOSTONNICK X29737930 BUT NO TOPMEW?

Scandalous

Homophobic

Discrimination

Absolutely ridiculous

OH NO HAS BOEING SET THE PLACE ON FIRE

OH TOP MY DARLING

Sandray sounds like sunray

SANDRAY SOUNDS LIKE SUNRAY

SANDRAY SOUNDS LIKE SUNRAY

MIX YOU SNEAKY SON OF A BITCH

I KNEW YOUD SHOW UP

AND WHY DID THEY HAVE TO PLAY THE MUSIC WHEN HE DID

HES HERE TO FUCK SHIT UP AND STEAL YO BOYFRIENDS

ESPECIALLY YOUR’S TOP

Guys

I can’t believe it’s over

I’m so happy to have shared this delusional journey with you all

#boozle #drama #thai drama #bl drama #ofts liveblog #ofts #only friends

[winderlylandchime]

2/2*points to the art* YOU SEE THAT?? IM LIKE 89% SURE IS BRIAN! That’s right BRIAN! His BOYFRIEND! Who I’m sure will be here any minute now! WHY ARE YOU GIVING HIM FREE ART? FOR A SONG?!?! Justin, i will personally give you a performance of Row your Boat just stop talking to him, NO JUSTIN! NO YOU WILL NOT GO TO HIS APARTMENT’ ‘Debbie, I swear to God, you better be fucking nice about Ben because otherwise I’m jumping through this tv and turning this show into an episode of CSI’ He is so over this episode that I swear I can see smoke coming out of him. He has no clue what’s coming. ‘My man who are you trying to impress? Your grandpa is somewhere calling you a bitch right now. *mock Ethan in a childish voice* not even your rich successful boyfriend.. THATS CAUSE HIS BOYFRIEND KNOWS THAT ART IS AN ESCAPE YOU LITTLE PRETENTIOUS FUCK. Your jealousy is showing, we get it you got your couch off a street and you wish you were Brian. Oh he had a boyfriend? You’re telling me someone actually willingly spent time with him? Correction: youre telling me that he somehow had a boyfriend that sounds just like Brian? bitch who the fuck are you trying to play right now? justin and I are smarter than this, we see right through the bullsh-i hope that picnic gives you diarrhea’ ‘HE WAS IN THE HOSPITAL FOR THREE DAYS? THREE WHOLE FUCKING DAYS?! AND HIS MAN IS NOW ON SOME OTHER MANS FLOOR EATING CHEESE? AND JUSTIN STILL DOESNT KNOW HE VISITED EVERY DAY?! IM ABOUT TO FUCKING BURN THIS PLACE DOWN TO THE GROUND. THREE FUCKING DAYS! fuck this whole fuck- your man is dying and you still wanna kiss Brian? If i was Ben, id die just to make him feel bad.’ ‘Oh so Justin spent a day with that cello fucker and now he’s coming to Brian with inspiration..i have a feeling this won’t end good or maybe it will gotta stay positive! HELL YEAH BRIAN! Eat and fuck on the floor and make him forget that little weirdo. Oh damn it, was it because he said romantic? THEYRE CUTE! WHY ARE THEY RUINING THINGS…Justin, no offense but 31 is not too old to fuck around. I should know. He’s acting like he should be in retirement home already. *looks at me sad* this is the beginning of the end isn’t it? Please tell me, that next episode that little shit disappears mysteriously.’ He is bouncing his leg so much that the entire couch is shaking. ‘DEB! AND BEN! Debbie, please be nice, ive been so disappointed already. Is this..is this the beginning of something nice between them?’ He is very happy that Emmett didn’t accept the check and he keeps saying that Pickle Guy is smiling at him right now. *jumps in the air* ‘ow. DEBBIE AND BEN LOOK AT THEM! FUCKING FINALLY! Thank god something good happened, i was losing my mind. Okay so basically for her to be nice to you, you almost gotta die..noted’ And he once again groaned so loudly that Im sure the neighbor heard him ‘WHY IS HE BACK! JUSTIN WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU HERE?! Asshole neighbors? My dude, youre the asshole. JUSTIN STOP LYING. You never even liked violin music?! Who are you and what have you done with the Justin from season 1 and 2 because this is bullshit. he came for his song? Justin, just put a cd on in BRIANS LOFT! Romantic?! Justin…for fucks sake what the hell. I wanna puke. I don’t have enough pills to watch this. What is he doing? justin sit your ass back the fuck dow- JUSTIN NO JUSTIN NO JUSTIN NOOOOOOOOO YOU FUCKING CHEATING ASS BITCH! YOU MADE THE RULE! YOU BROKE IT ONCE YOU BROKE IT TWICE! WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS FUCKING SHIT? I’ve never been more grossed out by a kiss before. WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK JUSTIN?! i am actually really fucking sad right now. I hate this fucking shit. He’s actually CHEATING. This is cheating. This is… i can pretend that nerd kiss was him doing him a favor but this? He’s been toeing the line for the whole episode. HE CHEATED BC OF A VIOLIN. BRIAN PLAYED GUITAR IN THAT ONE EPISODE and no offense to cello players everywhere, guitar is way hotter! Man, fuck this shit and fuck him too’ He then proceeded to call our mom and the only thing i heard him say was ‘please don’t hang up, i will actually cry’

Um, I really need to go back and watch these episode again because:

YOU SEE THAT?? IM LIKE 89% SURE IS BRIAN! That’s right BRIAN! His BOYFRIEND! <- Very likely but I never paid close attention. Holy shit.

hope that picnic gives you diarrhea I AM DYING

HE WAS IN THE HOSPITAL FOR THREE DAYS? THREE WHOLE FUCKING DAYS?! AND HIS MAN IS NOW ON SOME OTHER MANS FLOOR EATING CHEESE? AND JUSTIN STILL DOESNT KNOW HE VISITED EVERY DAY?! IM ABOUT TO FUCKING BURN THIS PLACE DOWN TO THE GROUND. THREE FUCKING DAYS! Oh look it is the song of our people, the anthem of the fandom. THREE FUCKING DAYS

H'e actually cheating - oh brother anon, oh brother anon.

He called your mom... oh sweet child.

#ask winderlylandchime #dear sweet anon #queer as folk #a straight man watches qaf us 2000 in the year of our lord 2023

[playboynanners]

i wanna start off by telling u i am sorry!! i wanna tell u about all this crazy shit in my head, and want to open up and want to talk about my feelings but no matter what, i just cant make out the right words...? like it feels like cant properly put my thoughts and emotions into words i guess??

all i want to do right now is cry and scream and let it all out because its killing me inside. i cant take it anymore. i feel weird. i dont want to do anything. i always feel tired. i dont have any energy. a part of me broken. something is def weighing on my heart. i just feel so fucking suffocated. i feel like i am so far behind in life that i will never catch up. everyone is doing so many things with their lives. and i am just here. i really dont think i can do this its getting dark again. and im afraid. im too tired to carry on. i want MYSELF back bro is that too much to ask for? i deffff know its getting bad because even sleep and music dont help and i feel sick all the time and i just want to disappear. i really feel like there is no happy ending for me . thats why getting through the days is hard rayen i honestly from the bottom of my heart know its all for nothing. u guys are waiting for me to get over it, to finally do something with my life, and i know u guys are getting impatient. but what u guys dont know is that im already gone. i dont like who i am. there is nothing good about me. i am sick of wasting my time. i am worn out. i so fucking tired. the anxiety consumes me at times i feel like i cant breathe i cant think straight intrusive thoughts of self distraction consume my mind i am sooo fucking sick of this version of myself!!!!! im fucking tired of the poor choices i keep making. i truly believe i have hit rock bottom. this is the humblest i have ever been because my ego has nothing to be proud of. i know i knowww it is important to be gentle with myself but its also crucial to be honest. im not taking care of myself. im doing drugs, im on social media all day. i either dont eat healthy, or i dont eat at all. i dont exercise. i watch things that arent positive and go to sleep and wake up late. i am sick to my stomach as i write this. i just want to go up from here because i cant live this way anymore. i dont wanna live this way anymore. but like if you never felt like the way i do right now... the drained , depression . WORTHLESS feeling ... then u cant say shit about me "getting better starts with yourself bs" LIKE UH ? YEAH I HATE MYSELF AND DONT GIVE A FUCKKKKK ABOUT NUN SO WTF DOES THAT EVEN MEAN??? like i honestly didnt even think i would be alive at my age i thought i wouldve been dead by 20 so u can only imagine how lost i feel lol. i dont know what to do with my life and i feel like im just wasting away most days. and i dont fucking know how to fix it. maybe this is my time for me and im supposed to be enjoying it for exactly what it is? like i dunno i just know i always fucking ruin EVERYTHINGGGG . i casually sabotage all my positive relationships with negative delusions because my life doesnt feel real unless something dramatic and destructive is constantly occurring. i really want to kill whats inside of my head. i hate living like this day after day. i just want my pain to end bro . i see how everyone looks at me like i’m a burden, how they fake concern only to switch up at me the next second. i don’t want to be this way, im so lost and alone and i just don’t see the point anymore. this is the loneliest i have ever felt. i don't have a shoulder to cry on when im sad, i have got legit no one to go to. i have noooo tears left to cry dude. my heart hurts so much. my insides are burning. i dont know how to help myself. i legitimately try and i make it worse. i wanna scream all this hurt and pain out. can i just lose my memory just so i can take a break from feeling this way? im not sure how long i can handle this alone anymore all honesty .

AND i wouldnt say im "addicted" to drugs and alcohol (JUST YET lol) butttt what i hate about liking them is that once you know how that high feels and the break from reality you get from everything you will FOREVER know how good it felt and thats the problem. u can be days, months, years of being clean. but i know when you quit its gonna be hard years down the road. i would take it alllll back and not start doing any of it. it turns from "just one time trying it" to "i promise this is the last time" but all honestly i dont know how to stop or be normal in this world sober anymore.

and to sum it alllll up i just want / need someone who can hug me and tell me that im not as worthless as i think i am i feel so fucking empty sometimes and its so exhausting to feel nothing and everything at the same time.

#tw depressing thoughts #@hate myself #journal #made with tumblr #sad aesthetic #thoughts #depressing shit #love yourself #sociopath #kill me

[findursoulmateorfindyourself]

its really still a problem. i am reading mark aurel which is all about focusing on urself and pracising kind hearted not comparing urself too others not envy and so on and then this stunning stunning stunning young woman comes, dark hair teint skin beuatifuk mouth beuatofuk smile suoer young oerfect akin very beautifuk body but akk in a very subtle way. she smiles to me i smile bavk i admire her but and this sistrubs me i still envy her. i wish i had her beauty and her eaziness soorit the effortless sex appeal. next to her i feek old, wasted and kind of trying to be ridicule. i need to wear rhose toght things to he recognized I need to really ahoe my hody but she is not doing anything kf jt and still glowing. but it ahoukd he omay and i ahoukd not feek bad aboht mysekf just because she js suoer stunning. why am i doing it. its all just to put myself down. but i knkw irs a fact a fact i just oainky should accept and mkve on. be grateguk for the bidy i am in as i an prraching everyday and saying hoe much i love myself now. apparently i am not there yet. hiw can i get over it and just recognize and cherish her beuaty fulk stop. i dont hate her fir being behaitfuk i just wish it coukd be me instead. i think my kifr woukd be so much better if i looked like that but what woukd be better? i know she is a beautifuk kind soul the way she smiles gives jt off. its not like i would be taking this beautiful body and losing a beautiful character bc she clearly has it all…so what am i scared for. the man or woman I like, likes her better fir her beauty and her character? so it be, then it simply means they are a better match. if she is oreferred for something like getting into a club I am not, so it be. it is not my oath to be in this club as it is not my path to be with this person. but then how to jot feel sorry for urself as it all just seems unfair. and i think this is the crucial part. everythingabout us is beautiful if we are doing it with a compass liek mark aurek out of honesty purity and kind hearted ness every little thought ( it is okay to be jealous I am not there yet) but I am really trying. I might bit get into the club, i should say c’est la vie, and might go hoke with a fresh mind crrating something amazing. it has the same value. or does it not? therr is no such thing as objectively speaking thats why POV became such a thing i guess but yes. lets try to oretend objectively which means a lot kf opinions gathered she is getting into the club meeting tons of amazing oeiple and sancing to incredibke music. over girl going home and chilking thwre no ine cates aboht her. but it is also with what aurek says caring about what ithers think and do its espeically the problem!! I inky have my now and here out if my eyes and my heart and it is supposed to be like that. and ofc im thinkinf hundert peopke consider it to he better like this or like that basically this is how democracy works, how can I vakidate my own opinion as much as them 100 if it comes to, it is the same good to be rejected and go hike than be in the club? its the same old same okd question about. which opinion values how can i crrate my value without the measurements of others. i am always coming to this. i sint want peiple to think i am a narcisisit egoman if i dont give a fuck aboht theyre opinions amd weigh mine way higher. it is trucky to maneuver in that mindest without becomung ignorant. but at the same time i dont want to live through grow through prosper thorigh affirmation hell no that aounds like hell. i want to affirm mysekf. it is maybe because ut is the sustainabke way. when we think about rivers and flyids which i cam to visualize when we had a saying about einfluss neglej und beeinflussen which also inckudes the river interesntinfky and aurel is talking alout aboht the stream and i think it is pary of live as blood is streaming through our veines and we need ghe water and the fluids, the circulation is life. bht coming back to the asoect of sustainabikty. listen imagine your own body giving ur own body ur own bacteria ur own blood cells when we tal

lol my paragrpah was maxed oht i do too much bla bla. but yes if we i somt want to go into biologism to much i never want to dsocirmante bodies espeicalky when it comes to genetics we always have to he carefuk to not get into any natuonalism discimnating fucked up shit. but I think my own body loves theri own system the most and it csn get a lot of her own system. its a little bit maybe kets talk about skin its better. my dahrer always refused to wash us too much as babies and in general he as this pladoyer: ur own bidy crrates fat that oeitect the skin, washing it away sith oerfumed shampoo gel to then out chemical body lotion sossnt seem to be an enhancement for the skin seems pretty ligicak to me. I mean everyone has their own bekiefs and ways but I kove to appreciate what my vody creates and what my body does. I know i am talking aboht an abled healthy skin ans i know some peiple just love to smeell like thousand rose leafs. byt i find that metaphor pretty good for also souk stuff. what my own body gives to my body is because it is healthy important disclaimer sensefull and good for me. it pribably matches my needs better than any artificial or natural product which fits affirmation from outside. of course fhe cream snells nice i feek fresh but then, my bidy get used to this crram wnats more of this crram and stips crrating its own fat to protect the skin maybe. I always have to buy this cream and its exterior, it will never last. i need it nee alk the time

i need rhat affirmation it feeks good but it wont last, my own afformation whereby comes naturally fits my needs and it is independent on any outer things. and this is why the value for me of my own affirmation wighs heavier than any of other people. i feel free and i feel good avoht jt but ifc still i am here comoaring mayelf to a maybe 19 year old woman that i wikk never be and never was. and its okay like fhaf but i need ti remind myself and i am disappointed inmyself still that it affects me so much and my head us gilled aitb it instead kf kther thints. but at the same time i lay down write this down and reflect on it so i hope i pray but i also

know that the next time i get inti a situation like that ill feel differently. I see feel hear taste the world thourgh my eyes and I love that I appreciate so many good food so much so many nice music ao many beuatofuk animals buidlings chikdrens families situations ( sometimes i dont of course madness, sexism, racism exploitation hatred and injsutice of the workd) but Its all meant for me. and i need tk accept and allrecate this. trhough my mind baby through my mind and love ur mind, it diesnt mean you think her mind sucks, it is beautifuk for sure, but its her mind her life her feelings hers and its good to see ssomeone havinf it like that its just an insoiratuon and a joy if beuaty and smiles which is for free and contagious( but Its all meant for me. and i need tk accept and allrecate this.