#im trying to remember when exactly i started being so hard on myself

[lonophobic]

“at least i finally got you back.”

tartaglia x male reader

pt. 2 of “should’ve just begged for me in the first place, huh?”

tw: smut, bottom!male reader, huuuggeeeee size difference, foul legacy!childe, dubcon? idk reader doesn’t stop him 🤷, fingering, humiliation, dumbification (kinda), crying, overstimulation, toys, reader almost passes out, childe big peepee hehe 🤭, im super fucking indecisive about what to call him at the beginning so all childe, tartaglia, and ajax are used, i think thats it maybe this is a long one

genre: smut (MINORS DO NOT INTERACT

summary: tartaglia gets revenge, maybe a bit overboard though.

a/n: i hate myself

part 1

—

you had no idea how exactly this happened. actually, you did, but it made you feel a certain feeling.. fear? excitement? you weren’t sure, but you knew one thing for sure: there was no way you would be walking the next day.

ajax had asked you on a day together, as he had gotten the day off, granted by the great tsaritsa herself. just to note: it was just about a week after you fucked the living daylights out of tartaglia. the day started off nicely, actually. the two of you had a relaxing walk around liyue harbor, getting some snacks on the way. then, as the sun began to set, he had asked you to a duel, a friendly, innocent little match. and being relaxed and a bit tired from the day, you obliged.

maybe it was his talk during the match that caught you off guard, or maybe you were just tired, but he managed to hit you from the back, which gave him the opportunity to pin you down to the floor. you chuckled, you didn’t even get to use your elemental powers that much when he went into his foul legacy form. the man, who was about twice the size you were, looming over you made you remember what he said that week before-“i’ll be sure to get you back sometime.”you stiffen as you remember his promise, laughing nervously as he stared at you intently.

“tartaglia- you’re not thinking of doing it right now, are you? i-uh- we’re both pretty tired from the day..”

tartaglia hummed a response, his voice distorted from his foul legacy form. he stared at you for another split second, when he grabbed both of your hands and put them above your head, then proceeded to tear off your clothes like paper, leaving you in your underwear. you flinched at the cold air against your skin, as the sun was about to set and the colder winds started to set in.

”don’t worry dear, you’ll warm up in no time.”

you looked up to see tartaglia’s mask gone, so you could see his face. his hair was still slicked back, so you could see how dark his eyes were; clouded in lust and danger. you stiffened- maybe you shouldn’t have gone too hard last week. you were lost in your thoughts for a few seconds, but you suddenly came back when you felt your underwear being pulled off, and looked down to see his cock, and- ah. there’s no way that would fit. it was almost as long as your arm, and archons knew how thick it was. tartaglia noticed your hesitance, and laughed softly.

”hey, i’ll help you prep yourself so it won’t hurt as much, alright?”

you nodded, biting your lip as you tried not to think of how it would even fit inside.~at first, he had you finger yourself while he watched. it was humiliating, sure, but it definitely helped to loosen you up a bit. soon after, he used his own fingers which were noticeably larger than yours. you squirming against his fingers, which were knuckle deep inside. they would prod around, trying to find something. he thrust his fingers a few more times, which drew several more moans out of you, when he suddenly curled his fingers inside of you. just before you could cum, he dove down to deepthroat your cock, his warm throat around you throwing you off the edge, staining his throat white. you felt him gag a bit, before he pulled back and swallowed.

he smiled, and pulled his fingers out of you. he placed you so that you were facing towards him, and you would be sitting on his lap if his cock wasn’t right below you. when he started to align his cock with your entrance, you stiffened. you weren’t too fond of having your body ripped apart by cock, and tartaglia could tell. he rubbed your shoulder reassuringly, and sent you a gentle smile. you tried your best to relax as you felt his large tip slowly breach your entrance. you let out a whimper, already feeling the painful stretch. he slowly got the whole tip inside, groaning at the tightness. you were already struggling to catch your breath, already feeling full from just the tip. how the fuck were you going to handle the rest?? he let you stay for a few moments, then slowly lowered your hips down so that you were just about halfway down. you could just about feel him in your stomach- you could feel the tears welling up in your eyes. he was too deep, and yet you were only about halfway down. he slowly pulled you back up, then dropped you back down to about halfway.

“HAHH-AugHhh..”

you moaned out- it felt too good, and yet it hurt so bad. you threw your head back, eyes rolling back to your skull. tartaglia seemed to have noticed the bulge on your stomach, which he took advantage of, and softly ran his fingers over it before pressing down on it harshly. you choked on a moan, and felt yourself cum for the second time this night. you spasmed around his cock, screaming into the night sky when he suddenly pulled you all the way down. you could’ve sworn that if he came, his cum would come out of your throat from how deep he was. however, you were just focusing on attempting to heal whatever he could have damaged while he feverishly thrusted in and of you as you felt like a cocksleeve; being used for his cock and his cock only. you felt yourself close already, and feeling him press up against your prostate sent you to cum again, strings of white spurting out of your cock. you heard tartaglia’s distorted moans and grunts, occasionally commenting about you-

“you’re so tight, i might’ve not prepped you correctly.”

“you feel my cock all the way inside, yeah? ‘promise to make you feel good.”

“how does foul legacy taste, huh?”

your arms were wrapped around his neck, digging your nails into his back. you could barely hear them at all; all you could think about was the cock you were bouncing on- how it slid in and out so easily, and yet still felt so big inside. the bulge that stretched your skin that showed you were barely able to keep it so deep inside.

“i’ll make you so addicted that you wouldn’t even want me to stop, ever.”

you could hardly process what he said, but you were already so drunk on his cock that you could barely feel yourself cumming over and over again. you faintly heard your own voice, and yet you could hear tartaglia’s grunts and groans as he thrusted as fast as he could, obviously close to his high. your vision was hazy, and you swore you saw stars when he pulled you down harshly and thrust up at the same time, groaning rather loudly as you felt something hot fill you up inside. it was liquidy, and you felt some of it start to leak out of your entrance and down your thighs. you twitched as you felt him pull out, his fingers scooping up the cum that dribbled down from your hole and pushing them back inside. you slumped against his chest, trying your very best to learn how to breathe again. you were drowsy, and about to fall asleep, when you heard tartaglia’s voice.

“aw, come on. you’re a half-god, right? if a mere human could take this, i’m sure you could as well, no?”

you flinched at his words, not knowing how to respond, not that you really could. whatever you tried to say came out as incoherent babbles, which seemed to amuse tartaglia. he reached back to pull something out of his clothes pocket- something oval-shaped, and a remote for something. then it clicked. it was a vibrator. you tried to push back against the harbinger, already twitching and sensitive beyond belief- you couldn’t possibly take more. unfortunately, tartaglia pulled you back to his chest, smirking against your hair. he took the oval-shaped vibrator and shoved it as deep as he could with his fingers. it wasn’t on yet, so it felt a bit strange to have one thing up inside, when it suddenly clicked on and you felt tartaglia’s dick entering you at the same time, slowly pushing the vibrator deeper and deeper. the vibrator pushed against your prostate as he started to fuck you again, your tears flowing down your cheeks as your eyes rolled back and your mouth hung open. your head was thrown back in pleasure, your hands gripping onto tartaglia’s shoulders as best as you could. with all of your strength depleted, you fell back onto his chest, your arms hanging from his shoulders and your head was resting on his chest. you were twitching all over, cumming once again as you let out quiet, hoarse cries every thrust. you were about to black out- it was way too much stimulation, even for a half-god such as you. to give you some credit, a regular human would have passed out several hours ago. you finally heard tartaglia let out a series of groans, curses, and moans, before he released inside of you once again. he pulled out, taking out the vibrator along with it, as you were on the brink of passing out. you felt a hand on your cheek, and you groggily turned to see tartaglia back in his human form, smiling at you. you groaned, preferring to nuzzle your head back into the crook of his neck again. he laughed, pressing a kiss onto your temple.

“sorry if i was a bit rough. i know it was your first time with.. the foul legacy stuff.”

“what, it wasn’t your first?”

“what?? no, of course it was! it just… felt too good, i couldn’t really hold back. but, hey.” he grabbed both side of your face with his calloused hands, making you face him.

“at least i finally got you back.”

—

words: 1684 words of smut

also tumblr on mobile is a bitch i have no idea how to fix those huge gaps in between the paragraphs so sorry if it bothers you 😕 (nvm it fixed itself lmao)

also now i can stare at the wall and slowly disintegrate i’ve done my job here

#tartaglia x male reader #childe x male reader #ajax x male reader #tartaglia #male reader #bottom male reader #smut #holy jesus my brainrot is so bad #i kind of hate this #but its too long to get rid of lmfao

[twogyuu]

[1152]

pairing: vernon x fem!reader

synopsis: fluff/comfort, mild crack, established relationship (just like magic couple)

warnings: profanity

wc: idc - i don't wanna count today

a/n: for my sad bitches <3 im a sucker for back hugs shut up wbk. inspired by ten lee's 'lie with you.'

. . . .

"Why do you do it?" you ask.

"Do what?" Vernon asks in return. He removes one side of his over ear headphones.

You lean back into his chest, letting out a heavy sigh as you tilt your head up towards the deep purple, midnight sky. You feel him adjust his arms better around your shoulder and as if it is so natural, you reach up and cling onto his forearms, giving him a comforting squeeze.

"Your headphones," you look up at him, reaching up at tapping one ear. His lips spread in a sheepish smile. "You almost always have them on - even here, when things are quiet and I thought you'd like to enjoy the sounds of nature."

Vernon raises his brows curiously. "I wouldn't call a hill in the distance where you can still hear city traffic, 'nature.'"

You elbow him playfully. "You know what I mean."

"Well," Vernon leans forward and nuzzles his chin into the crook of your neck, "Sometimes, the world is just . . . too loud. Too many opinions, too many videos, too many sounds." He releases his arms from you and reaches up to remove his headphones. He takes you by surprise, adjusting them over your ear - a soft tune is playing, accompanied by a breathy, soothing voice. "And though trying to understand other perspectives is important, sometimes, it's overwhelming. Music blocks out that noise, let's me just be and centers myself."

"Grounds you like a rock," you hum, your body starting to sway to the beat.

Vernon hums, wrapping his arms around your waist now, swaying with you. "Something like that."

And because it seems like he needed it, that's exactly what you did - just let him be, soaking in the small moment, the chaos, the calm, the distance, the closeness. After all, the two of you were just two specks in an infinite amount of time and millions of the world - why not enjoy it?

Seven songs pass, now on James Arthur's 'Falling Like the Stars' (which you don't remember was a song you added on your suggestion or he found it voluntarily), you turn back around, tugging the headphones off your head and placing it over his ears again. Your hands don't quite leave the sides of his face.

Vernon looks at you dubiously, though he's suppressing a growing grin.

"Your turn," you say.

He reaches for one hand, letting it slip and press it closer to his cheek. "Next time, we need to bring earbuds - so we can both listen."

"Gross - and pretend like we're in some teen romcom running away from high school?" you fib, though it has your heart buzzing.

"I'll clean them," Vernon states matter-of-factly.

"Oh," you chortle, "That's not what I meant."

Vernon leans in and gives you a chaste kiss. it's fleeting as he's quick to pull back. He's not usually one for PDA (not that you were in public, but physical affection in general) - though you've been dating for quite some time, it still makes you flustered.

"I'm aware," Vernon chuckles as you turn back around hastily in embarrassment. "You say it's gross, but I know you love it."

"Maybe," you fib.

"Like you didn't daydream about being in some college friends-to-lovers with drive-in movies and late-night fast food diners," Vernon calls you out. He's well-aware of your obsession with 80's teen romcoms and infatuation with the seemingly dull but bright scenes.

"Stop exposing me like that!" you shrink forward, threatening to break his linked fingers to escape free.

"There's nobody here, but us," he states the obvious, pulling you closer anyway - not like you were trying that hard to run away.

"Still."

"It's okay if you love it, you know?"

You throw him a playful scowl over your shoulder.

"Let me make your dreams come true - 3AM dinner at Dino's Diner? I'll feed you fries," Vernon offers.

You fully spin around now, pushing him away by his chest. "Yes to dinner at Dino's Diner to live out my dreams - I'll feed myself the fries."

Vernon clicks his tongue against his teeth. "Fine - suit yourself."

You chortle, jumping off the hood of the car and holding a hand out to him. He's quick to follow, but rather than linking hands, he high-fives you instead.

"Hey!"

"You said stuff like this is gross," he calls as he starts opening the door on the driver side.

You both climb into the car and click on your seatbelts.

"But . . ." you squirm uncomfortably, "Not with you."

There's a shit-eating grin on his lips now as he turns the key and engine roars. Finally, he looks over to meet your eyes, his glowing bronze underneath the city lights from the distance. Vernon extends his hand, opening it up for you to take it.

"Thank you," you quip.

"No more lying," he warns as he backs up.

"Fine - b-but, you already know I like you," you stammer.

"Like?"

You groan. "Love."

"Doesn't hurt to say it aloud sometimes."

"Touche."

"I love you."

"Vernon!"

#vernon x reader #vernon fluff #vernon scenarios #seventeen x reader #seventeen scenarios #seventeen fluff

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for telling my cousin that her baby's nursery is boring and lifeless

I (24F) have an older cousin J (27F) who is like an older sister to me. Well she's currently six months pregnant with her first child and just recently finished the nursery so she invited me and my fiancé M (24M) over to see it for the first time.

Well we went and saw it yesterday.

You know those moms on instagram and tiktok that try to make their nurseries "aesthetic" and "minimalist" by making EVERYTHING beige, gray, or white?

Yeah thats what she did.

Everything in that room was either white or pale gray. The walls were white, the ceiling was white, the crib, blankets, curtains, blankets, even all the toys were white or gray.

And the only decoration in that room was a wooden circle, painted gray, with the baby's name right above the crib.

That room felt so cold and straight up sterile, like a hospital room. I cannot tell how unwelcoming and downright unsettling that room felt.

(and she wants to put a BABY in there?)

And J was just smiling a big smile, talking about how clean and calming the room was. (Calming how exactly? Just standing in that pale lifeless room was triggering my anxiety so bad that my chest had started to hurt from how hard my heart was beating)

I look over at M and he has the same uneasy "what the fuck?" expression on his face that I did.

J then asked if I liked it and wanted to do something similar for my own nursery (Im currently twelve weeks pregnant myself)

I outright told her no and when she asked why not I told her that her nursery was incredibly boring and bland. (I didnt tell her that being in this nursery made me feel like I was put in solitary confinement) she got angry and started yelling, saying that she worked really hard on this nursery to make it look as good as it does.

M tried to tell her to at the very least add some colorful flowers or something because babies need color and visual stimulation when they're young(which is true) but she said it would ruin the aesthetic. J then told us both to leave since we hated her hard work so much. (Also babies are very MESSY and stay very messy even when they become children. Like I distinctly remember running around covered in stickers, mud, finger paint, leftover food, and juice for a good portion of my childhood. So why would you want the room where your baby spends the most time to white? Aka one of the most difficult colors to keep clean? Thats just asking for problems)

Well a couple of hours later J's friends starting dming us, calling us awful people, saying that the nursery wasnt for the baby it was for the mom so J could decorate the nursery however she pleased (??? Its literally the BABY'S room) that we were just jealous of her good design and we were being assholes to a pregnant woman.

I dont really think we were rude and she's the one that asked for our opinion. But idk so Im letting tumblr decide

Were we the assholes?

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole

[aaronhotchnersworld]

aaron hotchner x bau female reader

I honestly didn’t like how I wrote my first oneshot, the one of y/n getting shot. I feel like I wrote it poorly so i’m going to try to write it again and just change up a few things

—

Stay with me

We are in Ohio for a case.

We just found the location of the unsub, after 2 weeks. Well actually unsubs. plural. The unsub has a whole team of people working for him. We don’t know how many they have but there are 7 of us, Aaron, Emily, JJ, Spencer, Derek, David and me.

We all quickly put on our bullets proof vests before heading to the suv’s. I got into an suv with Hotch and Prentiss.

We all arrive at the abandoned building, it is huge. Due to the fact it’s so big we all have to split up.

As soon as we enter the building, gunshots come flying our way.

We all quickly duck down and begin firing back. They all begin running in opposite directions.

It’s exactly what they want, for us to split up.

I turn and run in the direction I just saw one of them run. He turns and shoots at me, barely missing me.

He runs out the doors and I quickly run out after him.

All of a sudden, I hear a gunshot, and I fall onto the pavement.

Was I just shot?!

I feel the blood start to pour out of me as I become cold. I cant move, no matter how hard I try.

I can feel myself being surrounded in a pool of my own blood.

I can’t tell if i’ve been laying here for 10 seconds or 20 minutes. My eyes are so heavy, but I know if I close them now there’s a chance I won’t open them again.

I hear someone say my name.

Next thing I know, Hotch is kneeling down next to me putting pressure onto my side.

It’s bad. I know it is.

Tears roll down my cheeks.

“you’re going to be okay y/n. It’s okay,” He says but I can hear the panic in his voice.

I just look at him.

I’ve never seen his face like that before, the pure panic. He always manages to keep a straight face, even when dealing with the most horrible criminals.

But I can see it in his eyes that he is scared.

Tears continue to roll down my cheeks and he wipes them away with one hand while his other hand is on my side.

“it’s okay you’re okay,” he reassures me.

My eyelids become even heavier and begin closing.

“keep them open”

I open them again. I think Hotch has tears in his eyes.

“H- Hotch,” I say but he’s screaming for someone to get a medic.

I begin to choke on my blood and he quickly turns me on my side.

“Aaron,” I try to say but it comes out as a whisper.

“it’s okay I got you y/n. you are going to be okay”

I can tell he doesn’t even believe the words coming out of his mouth.

I can feel my body shaking. I can’t control it and i’m so cold.

“i- im cold.”

“i know, it’s cold out here but it’s okay you’re gonna be okay,” he says but I can sense the worry in his voice.

I can feel his shaky hands and he so desperately try’s to stop the bleeding coming out of me.

I wasn’t cold before. He knows it’s not a good sign.

My life begins to flash before my eyes.

I remember everything.

I remember how happy I was when I got accepted into the fbi.

I remember when I first started at the bau 7 years ago and how much I have grown to love everyone on the team.

I quickly snap back to reality as Hotch applies more pressure.

I can definitely see the tears in his eyes now.

I’m not ready to die. I can’t die.

“aaron”

He looks at me and I see a tear fall from his eye. I never used him first name, unless something was wrong.

“i- im not ready to die. please don’t let me die,” I practically beg him.

“you are not going to die. I got you. You will be okay y/n,” He says, I can hear his voice crack.

“please just stay with me,” He says desperately.

“i’m scared,” I manage to get out. I’m terrified and I know he is too.

“I know. It’s okay I got you and i’m not going anywhere I promise. you’re gonna be okay,” He says fearfully.

There’s only so much he can do for me. He’s not a paramedic, he’s an fbi agent, a very talented one but he only knows so much when it comes to gun shot wounds.

My eyes become even heavier and my breathing is extremely shallow.

“you need to stay with me okay? you are one of the strongest people I have ever met. Keep your eyes open.”

He’s trying to be strong for me. But I can tell he’s just as scared as me.

I need to tell him. just in case I don’t make it. He needs to know.

“if- if i don’t make it-”

He cuts me off as tears stream down both his and my face. “you are going to be okay”

“aaron please”

He just looks at me

“I- I love you,” I say.

I hear him let out a sob. “I love you too y/n I always have. Keep those eyes open. Please.”

He’s covered in blood. my blood. It’s so much blood.

I knew the risk when joining the bau. the risk that I could die. But I never thought it would actually happen to me.

The pain begins to go away and I start to feel numb.

“i- im n- not in p- pain,” I say choking on my blood.

I didn’t think any more look of panic could appear on his face but it did as soon as I said that.

I should be in pain. I know i’m slowly dying and he knows that too.

“The ambulance should be here any minute. Just keep those eyes open alittle longer,” He says as tears trickled down his cheeks.

I try my best. But I don’t think I can.

“i- im sorry,” I say as my breathing becomes even shallower and my eyes close.

The last thing I remember is Aaron begging for me to open my eyes and stay with him.

———

I don’t take my eyes off of her. I keep pressure on her side.

Her lips and fingers are turning blue.

Tears continue to slip from eyes. where the fuck is the ambulance?

I hear sirens in the background but i’m too focused on y/n to comprehend anything. I can’t lose her. I just can’t.

“aaron the ambulance is here,” derek says as they rush over.

They quickly take her from me and put her on the gurney.

“if we don’t leave now she won’t have a chance. i’m sorry but unfortunately no one can ride with us. There is too much work that needs done.” and then they leave.

“how the hell did this happen?” I cry out.

“I don’t know but I shot the son of a bitch that did this to her,” derek says and I can hear the anger and fear in his voice.

I look down at where she was. There’s so much blood. too much blood. I’m covered in blood. the grounds covered in blood. y/n was covered in blood.

“we need to go to the hospital now,” I say.

“You’re not driving aaron, I am.”

“no i am driving”

“you are not in the right mindset to drive, give me the keys so we can go,” derek tells me.

I give them to him.

We all gather into the multiple suv’s and make our way to the hospital. She has to be okay. I need her.

———

“how is she,” I immediately ask as I see the doctor. The rest of the team stands aswell.

“She lost a lot of blood. It was touch and go for awhile. Her body is too unstable so we had to put her into a medically induced coma, it will give her body time to heal. She will be in a lot of pain after due to the bullet, it did alot of damage, more than we originally thought. She will be okay and you guys can visit her if you’d like. She should wake up within the next day or two,” the doctor states.

Relief rushed over me. She’s going to be okay. Thank god. I feel tears fall from my eyes and I don’t even bother to hide them.

The doctor shows us to y/n’s room. She looks so peaceful. I feel terrible. She didn’t deserve this.

———

It takes a lot for me to open my eyes but I do it. so many bright lights. Is there a tube in my throat? oh my god i can’t breath. I need to get this out. I begin to thrash and grab the tube when 2 large hands pull my hands away.

“no no no don’t take it okay the doctors coming y/n it’s okay you’re okay”

I calm down at the sight of Aaron.

A doctor rushes in to take the tube out of my throat.

“y/n, glad to see you’re awake, i’m Doctor Stone”

“are you in any pain,” he asks.

I nod.

He puts something in my iv, asks me a few more questions before leaving. I could barely answer him. I’m so exhausted.

Aaron has been here the whole time but the team gathers in here as soon as the doctor walks about.

It’s dark outside, I didn’t realize it was 3am. The team stays for about 30 minutes before saying their goodbyes.

Aaron is still here.

“are you staying,” you ask him softly.

“I was planning on it, are you okay with that,”

“yes”

This is the first time you’ve gotten to be alone with him since you woke up.

“how are you feeling,” he asks softly as his hand lays on top of your.

“terrible,” you tell him honestly.

He frowns.

“do you need anything?”

you hesitate to answer.

“it’s okay,” he tells you.

“i- im scared aaron. can you just hug me please?” you plead as tears fall from your eyes.

He doesn’t hesitate to move closer to you and engulf you in a gentle hug. “it’s okay you’re safe now,” he whispers to you.

“you should get some rest,” he says as he pulls away.

“i’m not tired”

“you do realize i’m a profiler, you can’t fool me,” he says and I smile.

“you look like you haven’t slept aaron”

“if you get some rest, so will I”

“deal,” you say.

he shuts the light out and leaves on the little lamp next to your bed and makes his way to the couch.

I try to fall asleep but I can’t. I’m in pain and i’m just scared.

fuck.

“why aren’t you sleeping,” you hear aaron say.

“why aren’t you,” I reply.

“y/n,” he says as he gets up and sits in the chair right next to me.

“i just- my mind keeps racing. what if I died? What if you never found me? what if you found me dead? I don’t want to put you and Jack through that,” I say as my voice cracks.

He takes my hand into his.

“listen to me, you are okay. You don’t have to worry about what might have happened because I found you. You are okay y/n/n. Nothing is going to happen.”

I just smile at him.

“now come on, try and get some rest. i’ll stay right here until you fall asleep.”

“you don’t have to do that aar”

“i want too,” he says as he strokes my hand.

My eyes become heavy and I quickly fall asleep knowing he is there.

———

It’s been 10 days and i’m finally being discharged. Aaron and I were still in Ohio and the rest of the team left to go home yesterday.

“are you ready to go?”

“yes,” I tell aaron.

He helps walk me outside. I can walk, it’s just very painful to do so.

“you stay here, i’m gonna get the car,” he says as he smiles at me.

———

We’ve been driving for about 2 hours.

“how much longer?”

“we still have about 5 hours”

I sigh, “i’m sorry you have to drive all the way back just because I got hurt”

“dont even worry about it y/n. I don’t mind, really. I enjoy spending time with you. I’ve been thinking, the doctor doesn’t want you to be alone. Do you want to stay with Jack and I?”

“I’d love too but I don’t want to intrude,” I say softly.

“you could never intrude y/n and I know Jack would love to see you.”

I smile. I love Jack. “thank you aaron.”

I lean against the window and close my eyes, letting sleep take over.

———

The next time I wake up, I feel Aarons suit jacket on me. It smells just like him.

“We are about 20 minutes away from my place, do you wanna stop at your place for anything first,” he softly asked.

“no i have everything in my bag.”

It was currently 3am and we just arrived at Aaron’s house. As I get out of the car, I lean over in pain.

Aaron rushes over and puts his hand on my back.

“are you okay? what hurts?” he asked urgently.

I just nod my head.

he grabs both of our bags and helps me into the house and guides me to the bedroom.

“you can sleep in here y/n, i’ll stay on the couch”

“no no no please I don’t want to take your bed.”

“y/n it’s okay I don’t mind.”

“I- I don’t really want to sleep alone,” I whisper feeling ashamed.

He sits next to me on the bed and grabs my hand.

“okay that’s okay, i’ll stay in here with you, okay?”

I nod as a tear falls from my eye.

He gently wipes it away.

“let’s go to sleep,” he softly says. He helps me get under the covers. It’s very painful.

I wince in pain.

“I know i’m sorry,” he says sympathetically.

He goes over and shuts off the light and gets under the covers with me.

“Can I move closer to you,” I ask quietly.

I don’t think he wants me to move because he moved closer to me.

I lay my head on his chest and he strokes my hair.

“I like you Aaron, a lot,” I admit.

“and I like you even more,” he says as he kisses my forehead.

“go to sleep y/n” he whispers in my ear

———

I wake up to noise coming from the kitchen. I realize Aarons not in bed anymore. I try to get up, but immediately wince in pain.

Aaron walks into the room and rushes over to me, “hey hey hey what are you doing?”

He helps me up and guides me into the living room, letting me sit on the coach. “Y/N,” I hear. Jack. He runs over to me and gives me a hug. “Hi buddy,” I say as I giggle.

“I hope you feel better,” he says softly.

“thank you jack.”

“why don’t you go get it for her Jack,” aaron says to Jack.

i’m confused. What is he talking about?

Jack comes running back with breakfast for me.

“Daddy and I made you breakfast,” he says excitedly.

“Thank you both so much I appreciate it,” I tell them with a smile on my face.

Aaron sits down next to me while Jack walks to the bathroom.

“you guys didn’t have to do all this for me,” I tell him.

“yes we did. You’re hurt and you need to fuel your body to get better.”

“Thank you Aaron,” I say and lean my head on his shoulder.

He kisses my forehead.

“I will always be here for you y/n and so will Jack. You two are the most important to me.”

I smile as he says that.

“Once you get better, i’m gonna take you out on a date, how would you feel about that,” he asks with a smile.

“I would love that,” I say with a big smile on my face.

#aaron hotch fanfiction #criminal minds #aaron hotch hotchner #aaron hotchner #aaron hotchner x fem!reader #aaron hotchner x you #aaron hotchner x female reader #aaron hotch x reader #hurt/comfort #jack hotchner

[aita-blorbos]

(tma oc ask content warning for canon typical levels of buried fuckery)

am i the asshole for driving away my friend?

hey reddit . im posting from a throwaway bc i dont want people connecting this to my work (though i doubt youve heard of me anyways) but i think i messed up terribly and i want to know if this is something i can still fix

also sidenote sorry if my grammar or punctuation or word choice or anything of that sort are poor. i have not been sleeping well for some time

i (19m) am a video game developer. its been my passion for years now and i am currently in uni studying computer games development and programming and level design . although i have considered dropping out but thats a point for later . i post on itch io and such and sometimes i make flash games but idk if anyone reading this has played a single one

its been a bit of a hard time for me, if im being honest. i really like games and i really liked making them but i dont think im very good at programming or art or level design or any of the other things that go into the process of making a game . at least a profitable and fun one .

so i ended up coming to this computer science study group in the hopes maybe someone could teach me to be better at programming. and i met this girl. i dont know exactly how old she is, but i want to say she was maybe two or three years ahead of me in her schooling, so probably about 22. anyways lets call her E

E was studying pure computer science and wanted to do it at a high level . so of course she was pretty good at helping me with my really rudimentary programming stuff . and she was friendly and funny and we liked hanging out so we ended up being good friends . she actually complimented my games, once i got them to function, and said my pixel art was cute . my point is we were close . maybe we wouldn’t have been so close if we had anyone else, but i was still new and she was pretty lonely .

really shortly after i met her though i started having fucked up dreams. ok that’s not entirely accurate because i had been having fucked up dreams on occasion for a while . but they got worse and she showed up in them. it was all me locking her in stairwells hitting her over the head and piling earth over her body filling her mouth with mud and cement. terrible things

so i stopped sleeping. i tried not to at least. im pretty sure most uni kids pull all nighters. i know i did even when i was younger. but i wasnt studying for exams or whatever. i was just trying and trying to force myself awake and i started to lose it a bit. my grip on things. it felt like i was sleepwalking through classes and even like i was dreaming when i was awake. id nod off for a moment in a lecture and id feel dirt caked on my hands under my fingernails. and no matter how much i scrubbed and how much i knew with my eyes it wasnt there it just. refused to come off . and it felt like her blood

i don’t remember how we got on the topic but i remember she told me how she always worried a little bit about being trapped . like claustrophobia of a flavor that shows itself in locked doors and thick walls and collapsing underground stations. that made me feel even more odd about the whole thing . of course i felt awful about hurting her but that part of it was like a joke i didn’t get

and then weirdly enough i got really into nineties 3D games. they have these skyboxes that make it really obvious they’re not actually infinite . and i thought that was kind of interesting in context. like the whole world is a box you’re in so why worry so much about if the stairwell door will lock behind you

i kind of started thinking that was something i would like to replicate with my art . like if i put all my issues into one game they would be out of my brain and gone . maybe it could even be pleasant without the whole preying on my friends terror thing

so now we get to the part of the story where i fear i really really messed up . i made this game . and honestly i dont remember the development very well . sleep deprivation is a dreadful thing . i remember again and again while i was making it kind of coming to my senses not knowing where i was and finding massive parts of the game that i didnt remember making at all.

it was set in a stairwell but i dont remember buying or making the models for the door . there was a really weird kind of way the game functioned with an infinite path going up but how that functioned i couldnt tell you . and i dont remember composing the audio or where i might have downloaded it from except that i never liked to listen to it for very long . i dont know why i kept it in the game

i always showed my games to E but i really wanted her to see this one in particular. so she came by my flat and played it and then i remember she just glared at me . there was something to the look she gave me . it was like she was completely horrified and was trying to pretend she was just angry instead

she hasnt spoken to me since . and i think i fucked up . i knew it was playing at her issues and i think maybe i even made it at least subconsciously to pry at them. like the same part of me with dirt under my fingernails was also sitting there typing away on that keyboard .

but at the same time its just a game . and im better at programming now too . like something just clicked there

honestly though development lately has been weird. its been hard trying to go back to the old sort of pixel art platformers and shoot em ups and that kind of thing i used to make. every time i open any program its like im just staring at it and imagining skyboxes. putting it all in a box imprisoning every world i make that kind of thing. like i said earlier ive been considering dropping out. but i dont know. i think id need to sleep on it

i still have weird fucked up dreams but E isnt in them anymore . i dont know where shes gone . i think maybe my idea worked somehow and i did transfer all that shit to my art . and then that just all went right to her . but i dont know if i like that idea or hate it

anyways reddit am i the asshole?

#aita #am i the asshole #unreality

[azrielfiend]

CRINGETOBER DAY 2: Self Insert

if i could insert myself into any world you bet your ass im going to nevada (just kidding id die in an instant but how cool would it be to see deimos in action?)

a story below about how this topic is actually all connected to my current favorite friendgroup atp

we wouldve never met if it wasnt for someone on the meme account, big_chungles on instagram (yes really!) who wanted to make a madcom themed account and were asking people to join as admins. a few days pass and i see an account named sanfordtits! i followed and had a few laughs for them for a while. and they announced their public server, so i decided to join it. and to my surprised i was dunked and candle wax that was cheese flavored and got cannibalized by kon and niko. (thanks kon for doodling the feast image.) there were a few major events in that server. i also met alfred in that server. yuck. anyways, there was a talent show and i performed osu mania there. it was soooo embarrassing since it didnt capture my audio and my osu was glitching and lagging so hard the judges werent able to even watch me play. niko won that talent show. we had some sort of rivalry-friendship thing going on and would bicker at eachother. (this is important later, i promise.) he was given the supertitter role since normal members were just named titters. i eventually got one myself, and zardy also got one too. due to being active members of the server, we would greet new members, talk alot yada yada alot of stuff. we were also thinking of doing a dating sim where i was one of the routes, and there was a lore behind it, i wont spoil it of course but i drew alot of stuff for it, and some writing which can be see on a doc here. there was also an fnf mod which you can actually see i had the sprites/concept art for it here. theres a lot! let me tell you that. and we had around 3 bgs, completed around 5 characters worth of sprites, a few music and charts done... until. i started to notice something, there was this admin where they babied and constantly praised just because they were a partner of another admin in the server. there was an art channel there right? i often post my art there along with others, and their pencil sketches would get way, way more attention than everyone else in the whole server. i bought this issue up with my friends and wanted their opinions on it, before calmly confronting the admins. and their reactions were not expected. they acted harsher towards us and called me a lying prick (?) i cant remember their exact words, but when i wanted to speak out against this behavior theyre doing and they wanted to shut me up as soon as possible. they were announcing that the servers getting shut down, and they were trying to ban me off of the server. admittedly i did something stupid and made a "kys challenge" joke to them which, well, they got mad at me for. i shouldnt have said something so vile back then. i was emotionally very immature back then. i hope theyre doing well now. i eventually got banned from their server, and they put me on blast on their instagram, which resulted in me losing a very close friend because their story captioned something like "these people harrassed my partners, theyre so gross, please block them" which.. well. youre kind of right but not really? we didnt harrass that person, only called out the admins.....childish behavior. although i did missacted and made a kys joke there too, so im not surprised on why theyre mad. i do take accountability for it. i cried for a bit. we were both wrong in this. but eventually made a new server for the people that were on my side. first it was named something like.. landfill? not exactly appealing, hehe. but it was eventually became bunkers, and its still my strongest bonds with my friends ever. and what a wild journey its been hm? if all of that never happened i wouldve never met the great friends i have today and my amazing loving boyfriend @woopdeloopei <33 (love you btw) its crazy how that spiraled but it all ended up pretty good in the end. a few of my friends got out of their depression and is happier now. i guess we matured! but seriously, so much history for such a small friend group. im so thankful for them right now. if it wasnt for that madcom admin on that meme account.... ah! i wouldve been just dead! thanks for reading all the way through the story!

#my art #digital art #madcom #madness combat #madcom deimos #deimos madness combat #deimos #deimos madcom #self insert #cringetober 2023 #cringetober #sona art

[justimagineok]

2:30 series - 2:28

Summary: One too sure, the other not that much. One focused on the present, the other too stuck on the past and afraid of the future. Both of them in love with each other.

Recommended song: eight by sleeping at last / and im here - by Kim Kyung Hee

Word count: 2714  :)

A/N: feedback is always appreciated! feel free to reblog, comment or send me an ask at anytime 😊

previously:

“Nothing I say is going to stop you from going through with this, is it?”

“No. I have to do this, Kook.”

Jungkook sighted, clearly not enjoying your idea at all.

“…. Then I’m going with you.”

"Kook, you don't have to do that...", you tried to argue, but he shook his head, clearly not having it.

"It's your call," he said softly, "but whatever you decide, I'll go with you.", he placed a soft, warm hand at the back of your neck, bringing you close, so he could rest in forehead on yours.

It was decided. It was time to pay a visit to your mother.

You two go in and sit down, while your mother sits on the couch directly in front of you. You look around, but you don't see any sign of your father, not that that was new. Your old house was still the same, the furniture, your photos from when you were a child still in the same place... from the living room you had a brief view of the kitchen, but you could still see the mark of when your mother threw the pot with food on the floor. You closed your eyes shaking your head quickly and squeezed Jungkook's hand and he squeezed back, assuring you that he was there.

"Why are you here?!"

" 'cause I need to say something to you. Can I come in?"

"And what he's doing here?!", your mother stared at Jungkook, clearly recognizing his face. And it was the man who punched her husband after all.

"I'm here because she's here,", he looked at you, giving you a wink.

Your mother eyed you and Jungkook as his hands held yours tightly. It was hard to recognize you. Your posture, your clothes, even your face seemed... better. Healthier. You looked better.

"I don't see why not.", your mothers grumbles as she enters and leave the door open. You look at Jungkook, and he gives you an assuring look.

"You can stay here if you want... you don't have to come in.", your voice is shakier than you'd like.

"We're a team, remember? So let's face this together.", he gave you a comforting smile, holding your hand tight.

“You wanna tell me something?!“, your mother leaned forward, staring at you.“Then speak! I don’t have all day.“

You feel Jungkook fidgeting, ready to say something, but you squeeze his hand again and start talking.

"All I wanted was to be able to trust you.", you confess to her. "And I did, when I was younger. I was little, weak, naive, and I trusted you and dad, trusting you were the one's supposed to protect me. To keep me safe. To encourage me. But you didn't. You did exactly the opposite. And for a while I despised you both. For never being there for me. But, God… That was so long ago. Seems like a long time now.", you nod, trying to remember where all that grudge and ressentiment gone to. It wasn't there anymore. You still felt the hurt, the sadness of their abandonment deeply, that deep cut of their lies, but the anger, the fear that crushed you day by day... it wasn't there anymore.

"I was raised in a way that taught me that I had to be perfect, to do perfectly, otherwise I wouldn't be loved or even liked. I refused to be rejected, so I didn't even try. You. You told me, mom: nobody was going to love  someone like me. Never. That nobody could like a girl like me. But you were wrong.", you smile, thinking about all the people who love you. They might not be your family by blood, but they're your family by heart. The members, Jungkook's family, Haru, and a few other people you don't often see, but you can feel their love. Jungkook himself. You're loved. You have no more doubts, not anymore.

"I told myself I had to stand in guard, not let anyone in, otherwise they could hurt me, betray me... lie to me", you see the surprise in her eyes when you say that. "I thought that being away from you both could heal me, but my healing needed more than time and space. And I'm finally healing, I'm ready to begin again.", you get closer to her, touching her hands softly. "I know now, that I'm strong enough to face it and this is why I forgive you. I forgive you, mom."

For a fickle moment, you thought you saw a little regret in your mother's eye, but it quickly became anger. And you knew what always happened after that.

You knew that face very well, so you gave a step back and Jungkook acted in a blink of an eye, moving you to stand behind him.

"Who says I want your forgiveness?! You really think you're better than us, huh?", she looked at you with hate, but you just smiled. This was when you started to feel the panic rush through your veins mixed with shame for hearing those harsh words from the person who literally supposed to love you the most. But you felt at peace. You couldn't change your mother or your father. That wasn't possible. Nor that, nor changing your past with them, or with anyone else for that matter. You had the choice to let bitterness take over your heart, but you refused to do that. You already lost too much time stuck in the past and afraid of the future. It was more than time to move on. “I already forgave you, mother. Whether you accept it or not. I think it’s time you forgive yourself, too.”

Your mother narrowed her eyes dangerously and reached for the frame that still had your picture on it, slamming it into the wall with full force, the shards of glass scattering across the room. Jungkook turned his back to her, closing his eyes and shielding you with his body.

"Your little bitch!", your mother grabbed another frame, throwing it on the ground. "You think you're something now and that I need your fucking forgiveness?!", she laughed bitterly, pulling her own hair and kicking the center table. It was an absurd scene.

"I should have killed you when I had the chance! You ungrateful bitch!"

Jungkook was still holding you when he noticed your mother advancing towards you. He released you quickly and held her by both hands, preventing her from touching one of you.

"Ma'am, stop it!", he asked as she lunged forward with all the strength she could muster, but she was no match for your boyfriend's strength. You finally turned around, looking at all that horror as your mother tried to kick Jungkook, but he moved quickly.

"Please, stop it, mom!", you begged her, but she wouldn't listen. Jungkook looked at you and to your surprise, he was calmer than you might have anticipated.

"Go to the car, babe", he asked, still holding her hands. "It's okay, I'll go right after you.", he looked back at your mother, staring at her. "Do you know the size of the millionaire fine you will have to pay if you hurt me, ma'am?", Jungkook stared at her, noticing that she, little by little, diminished the strength of her advance as he spoke.  "It's not a threat, it's a fact. This house, your car, and all the money in your bank account won't be enough to pay, so I would take my advice and stop this nonsense now.", he released her hands slowly, alert for any movement she might make.

"The same goes for YN. Lay a finger on her and I guarantee you and your husband will regret it. I know you both have been calling and following her around town..." your mom looks at you in disbelief that you told him that. If they taught you anything, it was to never, ever tell whatever happened in the family. Jungkook took a step, putting himself in front of you again. "I'm the one talking to you, ma'am.", she finally looked at him, as Jungkook gave a step back, holding your hand in his again.

"I'm promising you that if you do anything like that again, I will sue you and take everything you have. Since appealing to the humanity in you doesn't work, let's see if appealing to the financial side will do the trick. ", your mother's mouth was open, shocked not only by the words but also by Jungkook's attitude. Seeing him in the news and his pictures on the internet, she never imagined that he could act like this. Never. Apparently she had been wrong about him. And about you, too.

"I will repeat, ma'am: I will fight for my family to the end, and I don't give a damn about the consequences."

Your mother just lowered her head, turning her back on you and walking towards her room, leaving you two alone. Jungkook didn't waste a second and guided you out of the house, wanting you as far away from that place as possible.

"Are you okay?", he asked concerned, helping you to fasten your seat belt in the car. The last thing you needed was to hear those words, but there's nothing he could do to change your past. He could only be here from now on.

"Yes.", you gave him a smile, squeezing his thighs gently.

"You know you did everything you could have, right?", he reached for your hand, kissing it. "I'm proud of you, babe. I love you so much."

You nodded, letting him pull you to a kiss. "Thank you for being here with me.", you whispered, still breathless.

"Let's go home, babe.", Jungkook smile, starting the engine.

You and Jungkook arrived at the hotel, as the next flight to Seoul was still a few hours away, and Jungkook made sure you were fine before heading to the bedroom to get ready to shower. You sat on the small couch, texting Haru and updating her on how it went, when you feel Jungkook right behind you, leaning in to whisper in her ear. "Want to save the planet with me?"

You start laughing, turning to look at him. "What?"

"I'm asking if you want to shower with me, babe, you know…to save the planet.", he smirks and gives you a wink. "What do you think?"

You get up from the couch, hugging him around the waist. You get really close to his ear, biting it lightly, making him groan. "If that's the only reason, then I don't want it, Kook.", you whisper and Jungkook almost whimpers.

"Stop teasing me, baby. ", Jungkook holds your hips, guiding you to the nearest wall. "You make me so horny I can’t think straight."

You smile, before responding finally. "Let's save the planet, then."

The return to Seoul was faster than you expected. You and Jungkook couldn't stop remembering the first time you saw each other, exactly at that same airport, but in a completely different situation. Who would have thought that 3 years later, the idol you happened to bump into while he was helping you pick up your belongings off the floor would be your boyfriend now? Who knew that journey that was so difficult for you in the beginning, moving away from your parents, your home and everything familiar you knew, would lead you to a place of happiness and peace. I would take you to Jungkook.

The two of you quickly unpacked and Jungkook got ready to cook something for dinner while you stayed in the living room, ready for a nap. You reclined on the couch, listening to Jungkook's voice in the background as he sang some song that you couldn't quite put your finger on. Was My You? Just One day? You weren't sure.

As sleep began to creep in, her phone rang. The ringtone for the call wasn't what he set for Haru or the members, and it certainly wasn't Jungkook's. It could only be from one person, right? You opened your eyes slowly, reaching for your phone.

Unknown number.

There was only one person who called you on your phone like that.

"Hey, YN. It's me.", she doesn't introduce herself like your mother, like she always did. Instead, she just waited for you to know it was her. "I have a question.", she said slowly, but you didn't answer.

"Babe, who is it?", Jungkook yelled from the other side of the house, coming from the kitchen. You wave for him to speak lower and whispered 'mother', pointing at the phone.

Jungkook started to walk fast, to help you with whatever you needed, but you stopped him. 'It's fine', you mimicked again, and he stopped in his tracks, but kept looking at you, making sure you didn't want him to intervene.

"Do-- do you think even the worst person can change…?", your mother asked, and you could swear she was crying, but she faked that so many times that you couldn't trust. "You think that everybody can be a good person, if they just try?", she sighted deeply, repressing a sob.

"I do.", you assure. Because you believe it. Even with everything they've done, you still believe they can change.

"I know I ruined your life, YN. I know that. And I suffer for it every day.", she confesses, ashamed. "I can't even say sorry for the many things I've done to you, 'cause honestly I just want you to forget them all. Forget all the hurt  that your father and I caused you. Our life worth nothing and we tried to make your life like that too. We had no reason for that, but we made it our purpose, without hesitate. That... is monstrous. I know that.", you close your eyes and Jungkook gets closer, holding your other hand.

You let her keep speaking. "No matter the struggles or hardships we put you through... that life also put you through… you always strived to do the right thing. I admire that.", your mom says. "In spite of everything, you’re still you. I'm proud of you, my beautiful daughter.", she starts to cry loudly and you move the phone slightly away from hearing her cry, because despite believing that everyone can change, you can't believe a word she says..

Was it true? She really meant that? But what that even meant? She was proud you survived her? How messed up was that? You couldn't say anything, so you let yourself cry quietly, holding Jungkook's hand. But that didn't last long, before he decided he had enough of whatever bullshit she was saying to you, so before you could protest, Jungkook took the phone from your hand.

"Why are you calling her?! Huh?", he spat impatiently.

"Kook, don't.", you tried to argue, but he made a space between you and him, standing on the other side of the room.

"No, babe, that's enough. Enough of you hearing hurtful things from them.", he shook his had, absolutely enraged. "Why are you calling her?!", he asked your mother again, but she didn't respond, only crying loudly. "Are you feeling bad? I bet you are. And you fucking should. Have you finally thought about what she told you? ", he kept asking, but didn't give any space for answers. "Of course you have. You feel guilt. You want redemption. But let me tell you something: if it was up to me, you and your husband would be in jail right now or anywhere pretty far from us. YN deserved better parents than what she got. If it was up to me, you could disappear from this earth and suffer like hell and I wouldn't lose sleep for a day.", he made a pause, trying not to overstep and literally start cursing out. Things were bad as it was. "But YN is not like me. Or like you. And thank God for that", he smirks. "She's better. So I can't decide for her, even though I just want to protect her from your toxicity. I just want to let you know that your daughter is loved. She's loved by me and by so many people, and we know that we can't compare to the love she should've had received from you, but fuck, we'll keep loving her. To us, she's not a bother, or a burden, or unloved, or anything like that. YN has people willing to fight for her and to stand by her now, you should know that. So yeah, if you said everything you wanted, we're hanging up now. Goodbye."

Jungkook threw your phone on the sofa, sitting by your side and holding your hand again.

"Are you frustrated with me?", you ask, on the verge of tears. You did it again. Let you mother in. How many times she would do that and you'd still let her? How can you trust her? You feel exhausted and can only imagine how Jungkook feel, watching your melt down. You didn't like to let him watch you cry or show yourself when you were sad, but things changed and for some kind of reason, you don't feel so odd to cry in front of him. But the fear of disappoint him, causing him suffering over something that causes you so harm, is too much right now.

Jungkook takes your both hands, kissing them and smiling at you warmly.

"Never.", he assures you. "Why would I be? I was afraid you were frustrated of me for taking the phone from you. Sorry for that", he apologizes, kissing your hands again.

"I'm not. Thank you for doing that.", you reach to kiss his cheek quickly. Jungkook smiles childishly, his heart warming.

"Wanna hang out?", he asks shyly, like he was asking a crush. "We have a big day tomorrow."

NEXT>>

#jungkook x you #jungkook x y/n #jungkook x reader #2:30 #jk x y/n #jk x reader #jk x oc #jk x you #jungkook fiction #jungkook fluff #jungkook fanfic

[my-castles-crumbling]

hey cas,

so, i dont really know exactly how to word things right so please bear with me while i try to explain a bit.

i think i have bipolar disorder (or something similar, im still looking into things), but i dont know if im just going crazy and imagining things. theres not really anyone in my life i can talk to about it to gauge their opinion, so im kind of left by myself to deal with it.

i dont have a trusted adult or loved one i can go to for help, and ive not been to a doctor since probably 2017 at the latest so im not even sure who id be making an appointment with to discuss anything like this. ive considered trying to get myself into therapy but im afraid that if i go in saying that i think im bipolar and have other mental illnesses (im about 99% certain i have anxiety and likely some sort of depressive disorder too, but that might be more linked with the mood swings of bipolar) that its the wrong way to go about it? like, i might just be really ignorant but i dont think thats how therapy works is it?

basically im worried that if i go in saying the disorders i think i have, then theyll tell me im exaggerating or that i need other people to back me up or that i do need to see my gp doctor (which, again, i dont actually think i have one) or that it isnt my place to try to diagnose myself etc.

im not really sure what im asking here? maybe if you have any advice/experience about what therapy is actually like or what i could expect? or a better way to go about getting help? i really dont know honestly aha, sorry

Well, you've definitely come to the right place lol, I've been to and ghosted many a therapist! (Don't ghost your therapist!)

Actually, recently I started therapy again and it's been a great experience, so let me tell you about it. Warning: I live in the US, so if you live elsewhere, it might be different.

When you start therapy, they're going to ask you a LOT of questions. Lots about your background, your childhood, your feelings, etc. It'll feel a bit invasive, but make sure to be honest! Like brutally honest. Like if you're like...'I might be feeling this way but idk if I'm faking..' tell them that. They need to know everything.

Then, if you're a minor, they'll talk to your parents and get their insight. If you have issues with your parents, make sure to tell them that BEFORE this part happens, so they can take what your parents say with a grain of salt.

Last, they'll give you a 'tentative diagnosis.' This means that this is what they think you have, but it's not a die-hard medical diagnosis. They'll treat you based on this, but if you ever wanted accommodations in school or anything for it, you would have to go to a clinical psychiatrist to get it written up.

Here's the thing: the diagnosis my surprise you or even make you feel invalidated. If it does? Tell them that. Because, two things: One- they may have gotten something wrong. Or two- they need to know if you aren't understanding something fully.

To be very personal, I am diagnosed with both depression and anxiety. When I started therapy recently and again got those diagnoses, I wasn't surprised. But I also was told I have 'illness-anxiety disorder' which is the new term for a hypochondriac. I was super insulted because I was picturing the stereotypical hypochondriac who fakes illnesses for attention (this was uneducated of me) but my therapist explained that this version of anxiety more means that I have a lot of anxiety related to being nervous to get sick or the results of getting sick. Which was like- oh. yeah. I do panic every time someone sneezes on me. My therapist said this has become increasingly common since COVID.

All this to say it sounds like seeking out therapy might be a great way for you to get the answers you're looking for. But even if they're not the answers you think they'll be, remember that your feelings and experiences are still extremely valid and no less real.

<3 <3 <3

#ask #asks #ask cas #therapy

[straycalamities]

Oh my okay I've got several... no I've got plenty of questions abt Truffula Flu lol

So... I'll ask all I remembered I wanted to ask, I hope it won't be too much..

1. Why guns aren't allowed in camp Entre? Maybe I skipped few posts, but I didn't see explanation for this one

2. About zombie mutations. Is they're really become stronger or is it just Rocky and Entre become weaker cuz of their illnesses?

3. Swags mod said that Swag would probably leave camp and die somewhere in quite place, while trying to survive. Why would he leave people that he cares about? Im a little bit dumb and don't exactly understand his planned ending 8(

4. There was a moment when One-ler tried to convince Bitter to put him out of his misery, but he escaped that. And I was curious, if he actually killed him then, would Entre blame himself for that? And if so, would it be worse then he blamed himself when he killed Bitter by his own hands?

5. After Rockys planned death, would Swag blame Entre for this? I mean, emotionally shocked, blame him again about this apocalypse stuff, that Rocky wouldn't die if he wasn't infected and etc.

I hope I made myself clear cuz I dunno how to put some questions ughh😭😭

And again Im sorry if its too much questions!

PHEW THAT IS A CHUNKY LIST. i love it

1. guns are loud and the infected are drawn to loud noises so if you shot a gun you’d be ringing the dinner bell basically. i feel like maybe we touched on it directly? but if i’m wrong it’s probably bc it’s a common thing brought up in zombie apocalypse stories so we might’ve assumed ppl just Knew why none of them used or wanted to use a gun

2. they do become stronger! i actually have a whole list of mutations (and more can be added as ppl come up with them! it’s open lore basically)

i made a whole google doc explaining the actual truffula flu and the symptoms, risks, etc (content warning for if you’re sensitive to medical discussion?? i don’t know how to word it but i wrote it like ur typical online disease info page. also content warning for zombies bc. it’s entirely abt zombification.)

rocky and entre being weakened definitely didn’t help their situation but yes. it’s mainly bc the spiky zombie is faster and stronger than ur typical sort

3. this is kinda hard for me to answer bc i’m not the one who originally wrote it. i don’t rly know why it was planned for it to go like that. i guess out of irony? i know the original plan was for swag to be the sole survivor at the end, but that kinda clashed w other plans so it was changed. so maybe this was the compromise to that

i will say tho that. things had been discussed since that post was made and his story goes differently than was broadcasted. howso? you’ll just have to see :)

4. yes, entre still would’ve blamed himself because ultimately: this is all his fault. regardless of who dies how or where. they wouldn’t be in that situation if it weren’t for him. especially if it’s connected directly with the infection. especially if it’s right in front of him where he can’t ignore it

he wouldn’t have been AS devastated by bitters death if he weren’t the one that had to kill him tho, because the thing is: that was the first time entre had directly killed someone who was still “alive” (unless i’m forgetting some obscure shit i did or said idk it’s been over a decade) and not only that, it was someone who was still his friend despite what he’d done? and even more layers: he had worked so hard to get bitter to come out of his shell prior to the infection and actually be his friend and then this happens. and he has to be the one to end it. bc he was pressured into it

so honestly entres descent into immense self-loathing and all that would have been Very different from how we saw it if someone else had taken care of bitter

5. nah i don’t think swag would’ve like actively started pointing fingers at entre again at that point. like deep deep down swag can’t ignore that this IS entre’s fault and this WOULDNT have happened if not for his mistake, but…swag realizes in the story that it’s not gonna get them anywhere if he keeps holding on so hard to those facts. like if he keeps berating and belittling entre as payback for everything what’s actually gonna get better for that? nothing. all it does is give him temporary catharsis and even that gets cheaper and lasts less time every time he does it

entre wants to fix things so earnestly and tries and swag sees that and wants to help because obviously he also would like this to be undone or at least, cured. and they can’t help each other if they’re at odds. and so even if it’s really hard on him to lose rocky like that, i think at that point it’s just chalked up to “this bitch of a situation” and not “entre did this”

not forgetting the fact that at that point, entre is going to mean a LOT to him because of how their relationship has deepened. so he’s not gonna turn on one of the only ppl he has left

thank you for the questions!! 😊

#durachokmp3 #asks #truffula flu #entre #swag #survivialswag

[kuraitsune]

Can I request yandere shxtou x reader but the thing is reader actually fell in love with shxtou?

PARiNGS - ...Shxtou x GN!reader

MENTiONS - ...no one else mentioned

SUMMARY - ...to fall in love with someone who is so head-over heels for you, might just be the greatest decision you ever made. probably ooc(im so sorry i've been putting off with this request for quite a bit).

READER'S PROFiLE - ...you begin your vtubing journey somewhere in the middle of the story.

DiSCLAiMERS - subtle yandere themes! in no way am i a professional writer, i just like english lol. please know that these writings are a work of fiction and are the appearance and persona of the character! not the person behind the screen.

iMPORTANT A/N - hi yes i said i wouldn't write anything with yandere themes in my introduction post but yk i can break my own rules sometimes. enjoy~

You met Shoto by accident, bumping into him while you were in a hurry. Simply said, he was allured by your appearance the first encounter though thought nothing of it later.

That is, until the two of you encountered each other again. But this time, it was at a local cafe. Once again, the demon slayer was intrigued by you. And so, he did the sensible and asked if he'd seen you before.

"Oh! I think so... didn't I?" you looked at Shoto's entire form, recognizing the pure purple hair. "Sorry for bumping into you a few days ago."

"It's no problem... err.. I never caught your name," he scratched the back of his neck.

"It's [name], and you?"

"Shoto. Do you mind telling me your recommendations here?" your eyes lit up, you had actually been a regular here so you know which drinks and treats are absolutely delicious.

"Don't mind one bit! See, I usually get..." he half-listened to your ramblings and your personal ratings of the drinks, only really looking at your details carefully.

You two started hanging out a lot more after that, and you eventually learned that he was a streamer.

"Uwahhh! That's so cool! What do you stream usually?" you asked at the time when he told you he had streamed for a living, the both of you just in your cozy house.

"Horror games, FPS games, other types, y'know. The usual games you'd expect me to play," Shoto counted off of his fingers, putting each one up for every game he thought of that he's streamed.

"Cool, I had always wished to have become a streamer myself but I don't think I'm exactly up to the task," you sighed, remembering your past memories and fantasies of being one yourself.

"It's not too late, and I'm right here???" he deadpanned at you.

"I just don't want you to spend too much of your time with me!" you rolled your eyes, trying to make a point with the stubborn slayer.

Shoto eventually convinced you to become one, helping you with each and every step along the way. That was when he knew, that he had fallen for you hard.

He accepted the fact that he wished you could be all his, but it was a bit impossible due to the fact that he just helped you become a streamer and debuted with thousands of viewers.

Coincidentally, you equally fell for Shoto after a few months with streaming with the slayer. Though not to the extent that you'd seal him away from society, nonono! It's more like a fluffy wholesome love.

The two of you had a collab today in a horror game, and just as you were preparing to start the stream fully, Shoto dmed you asking if he could chat with you before starting. Being the great friend you are, you obliged and vc’d him soon after responding.

“Heyyyy, need anything?” you greeted, starting off with a question.

"Not really, except for the fact that I just wanna talk to you, y'know," he answered.

"Yeah sure, I'd definitely believe that. Tell me what's up?" he hesitated to respond to your words, it seemed that you won't be moving your position until you get an answer out of him.

"Don't you ever feel like... you just want someone to yourself? And only yourself?" Shoto finally breathed out, not realizing he was holding in a breath.

"Sometimes, but that's normal. Isn't it? Like a feeling of jealousy or attention-starving is what I feel."

"Err... thing is... that person is you."

NOTE - i actually don't really like this since it doesn't really fit the request too well? i still hope you enjoyed this work tho anon!

and i am sorry for being inactive for a while, that's because (1) i've had writer's block recently (2) taking care of myself more (3) i'm starting school soon :(

but! i've been working on something nice little by little, i'll be posting it very soon~

DO NOT: repost or copy any of @kuraitsune's works! sharing is fine with credits.

#kura writings | 🦜 #shxtou #shxtou x reader #i literally have no idea what else to add here #also ty for the near 60 followers since i've been gone for the being :D

[morethanmeetstheass]

alright, let's do the lowdown of "where the fuck has suna been all this time." probably gonna be long so ill put a keep reading, but tldr: life got bad, life got better, im working on existing in fandom space again

SO. i cant remember the last time i posted, so let's start at where shit went bad. 2020 baby, the rona hit, i graduated college virtually, lost my job, and ended up having to move to another state bc new jobs were so hard to come by. started anew down here in maryland, though a little worse for wear bc i went from living with my 4 best friends to having exactly 0 friends. very isolating, no fun. got cats, one of them died, so that didn't help at all.

fandom-wise, iacon online was both a huge benefit in my life and a huge pain. a lot of stress and misery went into that convention, but a whole lot of good came from running it. i ended up getting the chance to do 3 covers for idw, which was a massive blessing. became friends with multiple members of the cybertronic spree, made new friends with other organizers, got to accidentally roast james roberts to his face.

but it was also very stressful, and admittedly, my love for transformers did a huge swell and then took a big hit. i spiraled into a weird pit of having no interest in anything, lost interest in writing my fic, and started exploring other parts of my life. especially when idw lost the license to transformers, because fuck, now if i want to do covers again, i gotta make MORE connections. i was just very tired and burnt out. started hating all my artwork and despising how i was drawing for validation instead of passion.

sort of accidentally became a prominent creator on tik tok, so i got to explore other parts of my life that got lost in the transformers shuffle. got a new job working remotely, adopted another cat, things were looking up. then my apartment had a fire and i spiraled again, even worse. my mental health still hasn't recovered. it is a miracle that my belongings, health, and pets were ok, but i didnt even feel safe in my own home anymore. still struggling with it almost a year later, even in a new apartment. its been hard.

but i was shuffling on spotify today and stumbled onto my blitzbee playlist, and i got a little twinge in my tummy. i miss transformers. i dont miss being completely consumed by it, but i want to reintroduce myself to the fandom, start making mecha art again, as well as other art.

and i swear on my life, i WILL finish my fic. even after all this time, i still read all the comments i get on roe, on aufn, and especially kwz. i see how many of you want me to finish it, and i want to too. and i will. itll just take me some time to reintroduce myself to the fandom, to get comfortable with creating out of a place of love rather than out of a place of need for external validation. roe was a passion project, and its so clear with how much it was loved. it was good bc it was made out of a place of excitement, out of me genuinely wanting to share the story, not just wanting the likes and kudos. and im feeling that passion again. not 100% just yet, but i am.

so yeah, thats the deal. life has settled. still suffering with post traumatic stress from the fire and trying to feel safe in my space again, but im improving. im finding love for transformers again. im finding love for a lot of things again, and i dont want to box myself into one passion or the other. im a lot of things and i want to give myself space to love all of the things that i love. and robots are one of those things, but not the only one.

blitzbee forever. i will die a dirty bee kinnie and a blitzy simp.

#suna speaks

[ryan-selucreh]

just plain ol thoughts

why is it that i dont wanna say im gay. is it because like, internalized homophobia?? no, i dont think so. its just...im not used to thinking about myself. im thinking about myself mostly when like, it could affect someone else. i never took time to decide who i was a person. maybe thats why its hard to feel like one.

floatball doesnt fucking fill that void, thats for sure. i joined as a team member, contribute to something. i fit in somewhere, and i think i just molded myself to do that. it didnt exactly help with finding myself though, did it.

ryan, jyan, big man, whatever fucking name, its just. which was the first. where does the line of pleasing others and being a person lie and how far did i go to not notice it until now no longer being at my feet.

maybe i dont wanna say im gay because its him. who the fuck liked gary? i do, even if i dont wanna say its more then friendship maybe. sure, hes been an asshole at times, but its not like im not one back. hes a smart guy, and i feel like if some people got to know him, theyd see that. (if you remember it, sorry for throwing that script at your head. that was me)

its like. quiet. normally im talking to aster or connor or them both when im chilling and im not alone in my head. it feels weird. i get to process being real. i was scared of that before, but now? im starting to accept it. it was bound to happen i think, i cant just hide as a shell forever. someday ill have to be a real person, i just have to accept that now and figure it out.

man, i know theres a lot of cool interesting things i wanna try to figure out for me, kinda like... what kind of music works best to me? ive listened to a lot of work out playlists, but nothing really like. fully clicked. what kinds of food do i like? i honestly just eat whatever my freinds do when they go out. what kind of clothes do i like?? any book genres seem interesting?? god this feels so...exhilarating, i fucking love it

its like, the start of a new ryan rn. gary, for once i think i want you to read this, your cool as hell.

#I STILL CANT SAY IM BI. ITS STILL CONFUSING! BUT KNOW ITS A LOT EASIER RN! #todays feeling great #ryans part to play #rp blog #jrwi mythborne

[plantwreastler]

Background: you and könig have been warbuddies for a couple of years but never really Seem to get along, for personal reasons. But it must not get in the way of the mission

You Got send on a mission with könig first thing in the morning, and youre tired yawns doesnt exactly make könig feel more energetic.

As you walk thru the small landmines trying not to die, “why are you so mad Big boy?” You ask, hes been pissy all morning, normaly hes Nice, he still is he just Seems more annoyed than usually. “Why does that matter birdy?” He says tilting his head to the side looking into youre eyes. “No reason, just tryna` make a conversationl” you say with a smirk “good for you”

Youre getting tried of his smart ass comments and kinda pissed that you dont know where theyre coming from, “CAREFUL! youre gonna get both of us killed, idiot!” You say trying to get the mountain of a man to listen to you, “no need to worry birdy, i know what im doing, afterall, ive been here longer than you” he smirks and keeps walking carelessly thru the bomb full field

“Im getting tried of this crap könig!” You try walking youre own way but he graps youre waist, and pulls you over his shoulder as if you weight nothing. “I dont Care how annoying you are, im a man of my words and im gonna protect you no matter if you like it or not”

You try wiggling youre way out of his tight grip, but he graps the thigh strap pulling you Down into his arms, no matter how hard you try you cant get free now, his grip tighten everytime you try, “i Can walk for myself, just put me Down!” You say in a bitter Barking tone “i know, but youre walking the wrong way, remember 5 minuts ago when you tried leaving me?” He says grinning his at you as he smirks. “Besides you lost youre bet, youre ass is mine, and Were going my way” he says as he keeps walking thru the dead land “lets make a new bet then?”

He looks Down at you clearly annoyed “and what if i say no huh?” “Then you just lost a great deal” you say with a provoking smile, “this is the millitary not a TV commercial” he says in a pissy voice “well, how about this? We do this mission youre way, and if anything goes wrong, Then im the boss from now on, and if i lose, then you Can do whatever you want to me” you say looking up at the Big man carrying you, clearly having many thoghts in his head

He smirks at the offer, thinking about how youre hips would look so small in his hands, hearing youre name as he pounds you, like its his last Day alive. “I Can almost see youre thoghts, you naughty man” you say teasingly “Bet” he says in a calm voice, giving you a smirk letting you know that he already has many things on his mind, and you start getting nervouse, thinking about what he might do to you, he is twice youre size, and could kill you any moment if he wanted.

“But, if you make my plan go wrong, i still win the Bet birdy, so dont pull any crap” he says as he tighten the grip on youre thigh

And you just focus on the mission, annoyingly enough, he won, he won the Bet and youre starting to regeret youre desision, hopeing he forgot all about youre Bet. Later the next Day, he walks into youre Room, opening the door, resting against the frame, and tilting his head slightly to the side, “wanna go for a walk? You have a promise to be hold” youre face turn red and you look flusterd which only makes his grin even bigger.

You walk for a While, and you get impatiant “just get it over with!” You say annoyed “oh no birdy, i want you to enjoy youreself, no ones around.. and you Can scream as loud as you need to” he places his hands on youre hips slowly kissing youre neak, “and we both know that youre only Being an asshole because youre in love, and try to hide it, so you get over it faster” he says as he buttons up youre shirt Nice and slow, “ and so what if its true? Its not a place for a love story handsome, you know that”

“Oh i do but we Can still have some fun eh?” You turn red and flusterd, sometimes you wish you never Got to know him so he could stay his normal shy self and not this flirty tall man, he picks you up as he takes off youre bra leaving hickys all the way Down. You make small moans, he truely is a pleaser and seems to enjoy every little Sound you make.

He takes his throbing hard cock out, you know you want it, and youre getting nervouse as youre laying there with youre legs over his folded thighs, making youre legs spread, and the way both og his hands are on each side of youre head, makes it easy to know whos gonna be in charge, his fingers is sliding up and Down youre clit and youre slightly moaning, he looks deep into youre eyes, ad he watches hoe you enjoy youreself.

“Beg for it birdy” you look flusterd into his Big eyes, and you see his smirk, his fingers is going faster and you just want him inside of you, youre hands are wrapped around his neak. “Beg birdy, you know you want it, i Can pull away any minut” he says teasing you “i want it, i want you inside of me” he grins and he goes inside, thrusting in and out in a fast tempo already from start, and making you moan, “thats not my name y/n” i Can stop, its a punishment afterall, unless you like it?” He says smirking Big at you.

“K-könig” you stutter from the bumps youre body makes as he humps you hard “yes” he says flirtingly, clearly enjoying seeing you on the bottom begging for him like that. “What is it meine leibeling? Ask and you shall recive~ im here to please” you make eye Contact “ its three Words love, i know you Can do it~ for me?”as he teasingly slows Down, very slowly pulling out “i want you!” You yell out knowimg thats what he wanted to hear, you wanted to be fucked stupid and ripped apart by him, to feel his touch, to taste him, to please him. To satisfy him.

He smirked Big at youre words, and fast went inside again, going fast, making youre breast bounce at every move, “youre doing so good” he says, clearly enjoying you Being submissive, jumping at every thrust me makes, “k- königgg, ah. Im gonna cu-“ you scream moaning you came, as he keeps thrusting like a animal in heat “not so Big with youre words now huh?” He gives no breaks, enjoying youre sounds, and you screaming his name, While he rubs youre clit fast and firm, While thrusting fast, youre legs start to Shake, and you try to close Them to get a break, but he just goes harder, making sure you cant, and you Can see by the look on his face that he knows what hes doing

He came all over you, and you slowly take youre legs back, but he pulls you back Down by the back of youre knees “where do you thing youre going leibe?” Going inside of you again, where he keeps edging you, and sucking youre neak purple, “coen on baby, moan for me, you Can scream my name all you need to” he says resting his hand on youre throat slowly gripping tighter, as he forces you to look into his eyes While you cum

When he finally is done, with a sex drive that seems to never end, he gives you a sloppy kiss, making sure you know that he truely loves you, you melt into his arms as he collapses onto you, he could go for longer if he wanted to, but youre legs are shaking, and still wrapped around him. “Leibe? Can you walk?” He asked looking concerned, wondering if he was too tough. You try To stand but you end up Being carryed by him.

As soon as you Got back to the base, he walks to his Room, and lays you on his bed. Giving you a sloppy wet kiss as he crawls on top of you, Holding youre chip up “ice leibe dich” (i love you) he says as he slowly lays Down next to you, spoling you, as you bury youre head in his still warm cheast. Laying one of youre legs between his as he holds youre thigh, kissing you on the forehead til you Fall asleep

#könig fanfiction #könig x y/n #könig smut #könig modern warfare #modern warfare smut #könig cod #call of duty #cod #fanfic

[twinkodium]

i started writing on this ask today before work but didn’t have time to send it off before i started….. so it’s a bit messy and it’s about a couple random posts you’ve reblogged today, good luck figuring out what posts im referring to shdjdhdjdj

the lil arthur tags on the gifs of charles 🥺 you didn’t ask but i’ve been in *such* an arthur mood recently… esp have been thinking a lot about his voice 🫶 and how him and charles sound pretty much identical at times 🫶 extra in love with arthur speaking french waaaaaa that video of him being angry at charles in french while streaming…….. lives in my head rent free

the hands on the waist is insane. just like the hand on the bicep. w o w. it’s not like it’s the first time but ?? 😵 also the way i didn’t say anything about his ass but… 👀 (love it so so so much)

pleaseeee podium in special suit and helmet and sweaty oscar and- the only thing that could’ve made it even better is if he hadn’t cut his hair 🫣

i’m sorry but im going crazy… yoUR TAGS ON THE POOL POST?? HELLO??? DO YOU REALIZE WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME??????? INSANEEEE it should be illegal to put those thoughts in my head! esp when they’re so good i might cry!! i’m gonna try to not get too worked up about it but….

(^ me rn)

yet again, this has turned into a novel 😶 i apologize, sweet dreams tonight love <3

Jackie, honey hellooo 🥹🥹

Ugh work is ruining our lives big time… I couldn’t enjoy the content today fully because I was at work when all them were dropped 😭

I figured out in 2020 during quarantine that they sound exactly the same if they both use their thick accents 😩 I remember Lando being confused of which one of them were talking all the time 😭 Arthur is just a clone of Charles. Same voice, same chaotic energy, no braincells, competitive in challenge videos yet always end up losing 🫣🫣 no I love Arthur but my bestie tagged me on a video I wished I’ve never seen because now if I think about Arthur that video just appears in my mind and NOPE!! Which video?? I can’t recall seeing that one 😭 send it over pls 🥺

HANDS ON EVERYTHING preferably on my neck but only happens in my imagination… sad times 🥴 PLS YOU CANT BE SILENT ABOUT THAT JUICY FINE ASS 😩😩 and the way he tilts his hip like that to have it in our faces is a war crime 😩😩 cuz we can only look and not touch 😠

Special livery, special helmet, black suits, will be a mental and physical race so they’ll be sweating like crazy 😮‍💨😮‍💨and if he ends up on the podium looking like that I’ll never shut up about it 🫠🫠 hair is okay tho and with him being sweaty it won’t make any difference 🤭🤭

OMG, I love how everyone is losing their minds reading my tags 🤭🤭🤭 sorry not sorry, woke up after a nice nap and ideas hit me hard after coming across the pic 😩😩 SUCH A BIG COMPLEMENT FROM YOU OMG I MIGHT CRY NOW 😭😭😭 all of your reactions make me think that I might should write it but like brainstorming and plotting is easy but actually writing the whole piece gives me a hard time always when I’m about to write something 😭 especially knowing myself and love for details it’d be longer than 10K+ words 🫣🫣🫣 I DUNNO I MIGHT GIVE IT A TRY 😏😏

Love you reaction🥹🥹 you’re so sweet 🥺🥺 ily

no worries baby, you can rant as long as you want 🥰 I’m here for all the chaotic asks you’re sending to me 🫶🏼 sweet dreams love 🥰🥰

#asks #jackie 🧡 #buttercup 🥰 #Oscar #Arthur #Charles #daily discussion with Jackie about Oscar 🥰 #about the tags I really appreciate how many people liked it and actually reached out to say it 🥹🥹 #I felt loved and appreciated I rare feel nowadays so 🥺 thank you #I might give it a go and try to write it for you guys 🫣

[effervescentdragon]

Re your interviewers not even sure what to ask anymore ask, that’s me but with the fandom lol. I’m literally this close to just starting to translate all of Toto’s German interviews just to feel like there is Any reason for me to still be here doing Stuff in this fandom, like what am I doing, exactly? Make predictable guesses as to who’s gonna win, only get surprised by DNFs and engine failures and battling in the mid-field, have my grandpa tell me ‘the races have really been going downhill’ and log off??

i posted sth about jude bellinghams dick game on insta on main yday and og bff asked me what im compensating for w footie posting and should he be worried abt my mental state and i said f1, because im just not incentivised to watch it anymore at the moment? im hoping it changes when races stop being so early - i am sad i missed nico's commentary the most tbh. i guess fandoms come and go and things get more and less interesting but the thing for me is - if im not enjoying it, i won't make myself watch/read/do it just because i've made it my Thing. i can have many Things. we all can. i think, when something doesn't bring joy, its good to step back. give yourself time. f1 will be there. 🫂

i also think there is this insidious thing that you have to be "productive" in a fandom, that you have to do, be doing something to justify your presence in it. i know i've felt off because im not churning out 10 ficlets a day anymore, but the fact is - you don't have to DO anything to BE in the fandom (this feels like some metaphor for life but i only took one sip of coffee today so far). fandom is about enjoyment, yohr enjoyment and sharing that enjoyment with people who also love a certain piece of media or whatever. this capitalist bullshit of treating a fandom space like it's a job (what am i contributing? have i met my quota of posting about my blorbo today? how many followers do i have?) like... who the fuck cares. i still count myself into the silm fandom and i havent posted about it in ages. doctor who, star trek, hell, fucking x men and cap america and hannibal and so many things. i am still a fan of so many things that bring me enjoyment. thats why im a fan in a fandom.

i guess what i'm teying to say is that its really hard sometimes, when you lose interest or get disheartened by someting thats brought you joy before. when you feel like you're "failing" at liking something. but i try to remember - im a person, i have interests, interests change. a thing i loved isnt that anymore. okay. not okay, but it's fine. you may find joy again, you may surorise yourself, or you may just drift to something else. you're no less you, and no less a fan, if your intensity isn't the same now as it was yesterday or a decade ago. and with f1... its changing so much that its honestly pretty understandable to feel that way. bff stopped watching during the seb era, came back when it looked like seb might win w ferrari, then skipped the whole lewis era. og bff skipped merc domination era completely. my cousins husband stopped watching the moment alonso won. ive had friends stop watching the moment max won. it happens.

what im saying, too fucking long and winded bcs apparently im in a mood today - dont force yourself into something that doesnt bring you joy. theres so much joy to be found in this world deapite everything, and you're no less you for losing an interest in a fandom.

#akira answers asks #lovely moots 💕 #this got long and i hope it makes sense in some way. or helps. idk. #f1

[bi-as-in-bi-bitch]

hello! how did you know you were bi?

the way I reacted whenever asami sato came on screen was in no way normal enough for me to be straight

nah but seriously:

wow, i have not thought about that in years... its actually pretty hard to pinpoint exactly when, but ill try to go over the main points:

i realized i liked girls in seventh grade, in the middle of a private religious school, while i was thinking about how pretty jenna coleman was in doctor who.

i wa sitting next to my extremely conservative best friend. and i immediately panicked and said to myself "no, we're not doing this."

i repressed myself for a while, kept saying to myself that i liked guys, only guys. i had major crushes on danny phantom and my 6th grade math teacher and this bollywood actor (hrithik roshan in dhoom again)

so i said to myself that i couldnt possibly be gay, i liked guys!

but girls were so freaking pretty. why did my heart race when a cute girl smiled at me? why was i so scared around the girl i really really wanted to be friends with? why couldnt i stop staring at my geography teacher like that?

i honest to god thought i was lying for attention. idk whose attention, its not like i told anyone i was having these feelings.

i kept it so so repressed and convinced myself i was lying to myself.

then i went to high school and met people that were pan, bi, gay. i made an instagram, a tumblr, a wattpad account for my doctor who fics, and i started to learn this whole new vocabulary on how to describe sexuality and gender preferences and whatnot.

i finally came to the realization that i am not gay, i am not straight: i'm bisexual. guys are cute. girls are cute. liking one does not diminish how much i like the other.

i was so happy to have a way to describe myself. but at the same time, i went through a phase of hating myself for liking girls. i felt like i was a weirdo when i took notice of a cute girl. it took me a while to get over it and start accepting that what i am and how i feel is not wrong, im not hurting anyone by having these feelings.

i accepted that i was bisexual when i was 15 years old.

i started coming out to my friends around tenth grade. i remember i was so nervous and my hands were clammy. i said i was bi, and they laughed and patted me on the back. i went on a walk with my best friend and she noticed the pride bracelet i had on, and asked me about it. i remember being so scared when i muttered 'i'm bisexual,' and she immediately got the biggest grin on her face and punched me in the arm (shes not good at physical affection), and told me she was so proud of me and happy that i felt safe enough to come out to her.

coming out to people at my age isnt as big as a deal to me anymore - i go to an arts college, literally every other person is some flavour of queer - but when i was growing up i didn't know that it was something that existed.

im proud of my identity and i wish i could share it with the world. i wanna hang bi flags in my room and wear pins that say 'i'm bi' on them and wear cuffed jeans and flannel shirts and carry a big sword (HUGE part of being bi). but i live in a conservative family, and ik that the older generation (my parents and their siblings) are never gonna understand me, so i cant be fully out, but that doesnt mean i cant be proud. i have stealth bi pins. i made a painting with predominantly pink, blue, and purple colours, and hung it up in my room. i own two plastic swords.

i made this sideblog mainly to rb posts that i wanted to find later, but i wanted to have something with my name on it where i could be blatant about the fact that i find men and women so goddamn attractive. hence, 'bi as in bi bitch' was made.

i wonder if this was helpful at all? i kind of went on a ramble there. is there anything you want me to elaborate on?

#asks #thanks for asking! it was nice to kinda go over those memories again #was this a good answer? i feel like i went on too long