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lonophobic · 1 year

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“at least i finally got you back.”

tartaglia x male reader

pt. 2 of “should’ve just begged for me in the first place, huh?”

tw: smut, bottom!male reader, huuuggeeeee size difference, foul legacy!childe, dubcon? idk reader doesn’t stop him 🤷, fingering, humiliation, dumbification (kinda), crying, overstimulation, toys, reader almost passes out, childe big peepee hehe 🤭, im super fucking indecisive about what to call him at the beginning so all childe, tartaglia, and ajax are used, i think thats it maybe this is a long one

genre: smut (MINORS DO NOT INTERACT

summary: tartaglia gets revenge, maybe a bit overboard though.

a/n: i hate myself

part 1

—

you had no idea how exactly this happened. actually, you did, but it made you feel a certain feeling.. fear? excitement? you weren’t sure, but you knew one thing for sure: there was no way you would be walking the next day.

ajax had asked you on a day together, as he had gotten the day off, granted by the great tsaritsa herself. just to note: it was just about a week after you fucked the living daylights out of tartaglia. the day started off nicely, actually. the two of you had a relaxing walk around liyue harbor, getting some snacks on the way. then, as the sun began to set, he had asked you to a duel, a friendly, innocent little match. and being relaxed and a bit tired from the day, you obliged.

maybe it was his talk during the match that caught you off guard, or maybe you were just tired, but he managed to hit you from the back, which gave him the opportunity to pin you down to the floor. you chuckled, you didn’t even get to use your elemental powers that much when he went into his foul legacy form. the man, who was about twice the size you were, looming over you made you remember what he said that week before-“i’ll be sure to get you back sometime.”you stiffen as you remember his promise, laughing nervously as he stared at you intently.

“tartaglia- you’re not thinking of doing it right now, are you? i-uh- we’re both pretty tired from the day..”

tartaglia hummed a response, his voice distorted from his foul legacy form. he stared at you for another split second, when he grabbed both of your hands and put them above your head, then proceeded to tear off your clothes like paper, leaving you in your underwear. you flinched at the cold air against your skin, as the sun was about to set and the colder winds started to set in.

”don’t worry dear, you’ll warm up in no time.”

you looked up to see tartaglia’s mask gone, so you could see his face. his hair was still slicked back, so you could see how dark his eyes were; clouded in lust and danger. you stiffened- maybe you shouldn’t have gone too hard last week. you were lost in your thoughts for a few seconds, but you suddenly came back when you felt your underwear being pulled off, and looked down to see his cock, and- ah. there’s no way that would fit. it was almost as long as your arm, and archons knew how thick it was. tartaglia noticed your hesitance, and laughed softly.

”hey, i’ll help you prep yourself so it won’t hurt as much, alright?”

you nodded, biting your lip as you tried not to think of how it would even fit inside.~at first, he had you finger yourself while he watched. it was humiliating, sure, but it definitely helped to loosen you up a bit. soon after, he used his own fingers which were noticeably larger than yours. you squirming against his fingers, which were knuckle deep inside. they would prod around, trying to find something. he thrust his fingers a few more times, which drew several more moans out of you, when he suddenly curled his fingers inside of you. just before you could cum, he dove down to deepthroat your cock, his warm throat around you throwing you off the edge, staining his throat white. you felt him gag a bit, before he pulled back and swallowed.

he smiled, and pulled his fingers out of you. he placed you so that you were facing towards him, and you would be sitting on his lap if his cock wasn’t right below you. when he started to align his cock with your entrance, you stiffened. you weren’t too fond of having your body ripped apart by cock, and tartaglia could tell. he rubbed your shoulder reassuringly, and sent you a gentle smile. you tried your best to relax as you felt his large tip slowly breach your entrance. you let out a whimper, already feeling the painful stretch. he slowly got the whole tip inside, groaning at the tightness. you were already struggling to catch your breath, already feeling full from just the tip. how the fuck were you going to handle the rest?? he let you stay for a few moments, then slowly lowered your hips down so that you were just about halfway down. you could just about feel him in your stomach- you could feel the tears welling up in your eyes. he was too deep, and yet you were only about halfway down. he slowly pulled you back up, then dropped you back down to about halfway.

“HAHH-AugHhh..”

you moaned out- it felt too good, and yet it hurt so bad. you threw your head back, eyes rolling back to your skull. tartaglia seemed to have noticed the bulge on your stomach, which he took advantage of, and softly ran his fingers over it before pressing down on it harshly. you choked on a moan, and felt yourself cum for the second time this night. you spasmed around his cock, screaming into the night sky when he suddenly pulled you all the way down. you could’ve sworn that if he came, his cum would come out of your throat from how deep he was. however, you were just focusing on attempting to heal whatever he could have damaged while he feverishly thrusted in and of you as you felt like a cocksleeve; being used for his cock and his cock only. you felt yourself close already, and feeling him press up against your prostate sent you to cum again, strings of white spurting out of your cock. you heard tartaglia’s distorted moans and grunts, occasionally commenting about you-

“you’re so tight, i might’ve not prepped you correctly.”

“you feel my cock all the way inside, yeah? ‘promise to make you feel good.”

“how does foul legacy taste, huh?”

your arms were wrapped around his neck, digging your nails into his back. you could barely hear them at all; all you could think about was the cock you were bouncing on- how it slid in and out so easily, and yet still felt so big inside. the bulge that stretched your skin that showed you were barely able to keep it so deep inside.

“i’ll make you so addicted that you wouldn’t even want me to stop, ever.”

you could hardly process what he said, but you were already so drunk on his cock that you could barely feel yourself cumming over and over again. you faintly heard your own voice, and yet you could hear tartaglia’s grunts and groans as he thrusted as fast as he could, obviously close to his high. your vision was hazy, and you swore you saw stars when he pulled you down harshly and thrust up at the same time, groaning rather loudly as you felt something hot fill you up inside. it was liquidy, and you felt some of it start to leak out of your entrance and down your thighs. you twitched as you felt him pull out, his fingers scooping up the cum that dribbled down from your hole and pushing them back inside. you slumped against his chest, trying your very best to learn how to breathe again. you were drowsy, and about to fall asleep, when you heard tartaglia’s voice.

“aw, come on. you’re a half-god, right? if a mere human could take this, i’m sure you could as well, no?”

you flinched at his words, not knowing how to respond, not that you really could. whatever you tried to say came out as incoherent babbles, which seemed to amuse tartaglia. he reached back to pull something out of his clothes pocket- something oval-shaped, and a remote for something. then it clicked. it was a vibrator. you tried to push back against the harbinger, already twitching and sensitive beyond belief- you couldn’t possibly take more. unfortunately, tartaglia pulled you back to his chest, smirking against your hair. he took the oval-shaped vibrator and shoved it as deep as he could with his fingers. it wasn’t on yet, so it felt a bit strange to have one thing up inside, when it suddenly clicked on and you felt tartaglia’s dick entering you at the same time, slowly pushing the vibrator deeper and deeper. the vibrator pushed against your prostate as he started to fuck you again, your tears flowing down your cheeks as your eyes rolled back and your mouth hung open. your head was thrown back in pleasure, your hands gripping onto tartaglia’s shoulders as best as you could. with all of your strength depleted, you fell back onto his chest, your arms hanging from his shoulders and your head was resting on his chest. you were twitching all over, cumming once again as you let out quiet, hoarse cries every thrust. you were about to black out- it was way too much stimulation, even for a half-god such as you. to give you some credit, a regular human would have passed out several hours ago. you finally heard tartaglia let out a series of groans, curses, and moans, before he released inside of you once again. he pulled out, taking out the vibrator along with it, as you were on the brink of passing out. you felt a hand on your cheek, and you groggily turned to see tartaglia back in his human form, smiling at you. you groaned, preferring to nuzzle your head back into the crook of his neck again. he laughed, pressing a kiss onto your temple.

“sorry if i was a bit rough. i know it was your first time with.. the foul legacy stuff.”

“what, it wasn’t your first?”

“what?? no, of course it was! it just… felt too good, i couldn’t really hold back. but, hey.” he grabbed both side of your face with his calloused hands, making you face him.

“at least i finally got you back.”

—

words: 1684 words of smut

also tumblr on mobile is a bitch i have no idea how to fix those huge gaps in between the paragraphs so sorry if it bothers you 😕 (nvm it fixed itself lmao)

also now i can stare at the wall and slowly disintegrate i’ve done my job here

#tartaglia x male reader #childe x male reader #ajax x male reader #tartaglia #male reader #bottom male reader #smut #holy jesus my brainrot is so bad #i kind of hate this #but its too long to get rid of lmfao

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thecheesiest · 2 months

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Angriest man alive and his son

DO NOT REPOST

#i kind of hate this #gow #god of war #god of war ragnarok #gow ragnarok #kratos gow #gow kratos #kratos #kratos god of war #god of war kratos #atreus gow #gow atreus #atreus #atreus god of war #god of war atreus

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undoing-anobrains · 9 months

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bartender *

minors dni

wordcount: 2.4K

warnings: smut, oral (m receiving)

You felt very much out of place backstage surrounded by talented musicians, some of which you'd idolised for years, even if it was just from behind the bar. You wouldn't have been in the position if it weren't for your best friend who had convinced you to sign up to work for this company with her for a laugh, thinking you'd only be pulling pints for the crowd who were too pissed to comment on the size of the heads on said pints and turning away rowdy teenage lads hoping to use their fakes. Until you both arrived earlier that day and discovered that she had been assigned to that area but you were being sent alongside a few others to man the bar backstage which only the performers had access to.

It was quieter than you expected but you supposed that made sense given the constantly busy stages. A crowd of people would come in and order drinks after their performance and eventually filter out after a few minutes leaving the place dead again. Trying to make yourself look busy you polished the same spot on the counter with a cloth and chatted idly to the three others who'd gotten roped into serving backstage.

Glancing up at the clock you realised that the headliners of the night would be finishing up momentarily and once they had been taken care of and left, you guys could close up the bar and go home for the night. And sure enough there was an influx of people into the previously empty space. Unlike the prior customers they were a large group seemingly including the band's entire team.

You hadn't looked into the line-up for the festival since it was so last minute when your best friend signed you both up to work at it so you were trying to peer into the crowd of faces in an attempt at subtly recognising one of them and determining who they were. Unfortunately though you were struggling to place any of them and instead busied yourself with pouring beers from the taps and measuring out glasses of wine and other spirits as requested.

There were a few cocktails here and there too which you were internally screaming at because the most experience you had with cocktails was drinking them so you were fairly clueless as to what the actual ingredients were for most of them. You'd never bartended before this as well so it was a recipe for disaster. Luckily your co-workers seemed to know what they were doing, or at least they did more than you, so you let them handle the more complex drinks.

Once the bar was calming down and everyone who had already been served their drinks moved out of the way to go sit at the tables dotted around the space you realised who had been playing. Mainly because the very identifiable frontman had wandered up to the counter and taken a seat on one of the stools directly opposite you.

Trying your best to remain composed you greet him warmly as he settles at the bar. Matty looked a bit exhausted but still had that magnetic charm about him. You were more of a casual listener but you knew your best friend would be going absolutely insane if she knew who you were going to be serving. He leaned against the bar and smiled, making eye contact with you "So..." he started and his voice was way more captivating than you expected "is there a reason everyone is queuing for the other bartenders that I'm missing or are they just intimidated by pretty girls?"

You're taken aback by how forward he is but at the same time this seems very in character for him based on the videos your best friend constantly sends you of their latest concert "I wish I could say it was the latter," you find yourself admitting "but this is my first time bartending and I don't really know what I'm doing so it's probably for the best."

"Oh," he raised an eyebrow, intrigued by your honesty "you could've fooled me love. Think you can handle me?"

Oh fuck. Your brain was going haywire because of the stupid pet name. It had already been reeling from him calling you pretty just moments ago but this was so much worse. Especially with the addition of his question - could you handle him? In that moment you come to the conclusion that you'd really like to try. So you tell him just that "Of course," with a challenging "do your worst."

His eyes are firmly fixated on you now and he almost seems amused by your response. Nevertheless, he gives in to your bait "get me a bottle of malbec will you...an old fashioned and two pints."

"The whole bottle?" You echo, albeit teasingly "good thing you've already performed...wouldn't want it to make your finger work sloppy."

Now Matty appeared even more interested by you "cute," he hums thoughtfully "but I can assure you darling that even with it, my finger work is more than adequate."

It shouldn't be this easy for his words to affect you but the insinuation has you thoroughly flustered even if you started it. "Good to know," is all you can manage to say in response as you finish fixing the drinks he ordered.

Then you pull a rather impulsive move and find yourself scribbling a note on the paper in the pocket of your apron and ripping it off, folding it up as small as you can but hopefully large enough that he realises what you've done. You pass him his drinks and he makes two journeys over towards one of the tables in the back where you can now see the rest of the band sitting down.

Just then you feel a gentle touch on your hand. Startled you look up and find Matty standing there with a faint smirk on his face. His fingers wrapped gently around yours and he slips something to you out of view of the other staff behind the bar. The sheer contact was enough to send a tingling sensation down your spine. "Thanks love," he says casually before letting go of your hand and returning to his friends.

When he's out of view and nobody's looking in your direction you open the palm of your hand to find a fifty dollar bill in it and the tiny piece of paper you had previously given him returned with a barely legible 'yes' scrawled below your much neater 'meet me after?'

Although your mind is anywhere but where it should be, you help the others wipe down the bar and start to close. Polishing glasses is dull work but it gives you the best view of Matty so you do your job dutifully and try to focus so you finish faster. The band and their crew slowly start to filter out of the bar, chatter spilling from their lips as they loudly talk of an after party happening else where. Matty is the last of them to leave, slowly striding out of the room and sending you a purposeful look before he’s out of sight.

There was no way of misinterpreting that look Matty had sent you though. Dark eyes clouded over with lust, soft peach skin and a lip bite that could be described as nothing less than seductive. You couldn’t walk fast enough away from the empty bar once you’ve finished cleaning up after them.

The bathroom in question was just a left turn and three doors down from the bar and once you arrive at the door you force yourself to take a couple of deep breaths. It was beyond fathomable that just behind this door coated with chipped white paint was Matty. Matty, waiting for you.

Pulling down on the handle gently, you tug it open, ignoring the tentative shake of your knuckles and the anticipation creeping up your spine. Leaning nonchalantly against the edge of the sink, ever present smirk spread across his cheeks was Matty, He ran as hand through his slicked back hair and sent a teasing smile in your direction.

“I’m surprised you came this quickly pretty girl,” he comments letting the nickname drip smoothly from his lips “so eager already.”

A light blush travels down your neck at Matty calling you pretty again. God was it addicting, you were already craving to hear him utter those words in that sultry tone again.

“Shy?” Matty quirks an eyebrow before you even have time to respond to his original remark “didn’t seem like it when you were making jokes about my fingers and giving me the eyes baby.”

“I’m not.”

“What was that?” He sends you a teasing glance “I didn’t quite hear you there.”

You repeat yourself embarrassingly quick at his command and seeing how quickly you obey brings a wide grin to his face.

“Tell me something darling are you going to be a good slut and make this worth my while or are you going to stay over there like a shy little thing.”

Your fingers loop into the belt holes of his trousers and you undo the belt before pulling them carefully, sliding gently until they pool around his ankles. The outline of Matty’s hardening cock was enough to make you pause and stare for a moment, already practically drooling and you hadn’t even seen it yet. Then you drop to your knees before him, your hands finding a home on his surprisingly firm thighs.

You pull Matty’s boxers down his thighs, exposing his dick which was becoming increasingly hard. He was breathtaking: veiny and bigger than you expected and you have to stifle the moan that nearly escapes your mouth at the mere sight of it. But of course it was beautiful, it was his.

Lapping your tongue experimentally at the tip of Matty’s cock you lick the drop of precum glistening at the surface. This had to be heaven, sure you were on your knees in a dirty bathroom still in your work uniform but being there with him was transformative. You move on to lick from the tip all the way down to the base of his cock multiple times, slathering it in your spit and pure desire. Matty glances down at your with an expression you can’t quite read as you look up through your lashes at him and take the head of his cock into your mouth once more and hollow your cheeks.

“Oh fuck baby, you’re doing so good for me. Fucking made to suck my cock weren’t you.”

You blush at the praise and the feeling of his cock brushing against the back of your throat repeatedly. You move further down, taking more and more into your mouth. Bobbing your head you feel strong hands grip into your hair and tug it roughly.

Upon glancing up you notice how dark his eyes have gone and before you know it he’s guiding your head until your nose is pressed against the skin just above his balls and held there. You gag around it at first but eventually became accustomed to the feeling of the obstruction in your throat and swallow it further and further.

"Take it all the way in slut,” Matty commands you “swallow around it baby, go on. I know you can do that, can’t you.”

You do just that, wanting to do anything to please him and as you do you hear a deep groan come from the throat of the man above you and you can tell by the shaky breaths and gasps he was letting out the longer you kept him there that he was growing close to his release. Just as you feel him twitch, Matty yanks your hair harsher than before and thrusts into your mouth, pounding against the back of your throat rapidly to the point where you feel a stream of salty tears trickle down your cheeks because of the intensity and speed your face is getting fucked at.

Matty smirks in satisfaction at how you shake, body convulsing as your eyes shine with tears and the little water marks on your cheeks from previous tears glisten in the dim light. You truly look beautiful there he thinks, on your knees and just taking everything he has to give you.

“That’s my good little slut,” Matty mumbles, sweetness dripping from his tone despite the obvious juxtaposition between his words and voice “you look so, so pretty crying like this for me.”

“Can’t take it much longer,” you all but whine when you come up for air “I know you’re close baby, cum for me.”

A final teasing lick of the tip of his cock and a few meaningful pumps of his shaft cause Matty to cum, leaving ropes of the salty white substance in your mouth. To which you swallow with a smirk before taking Matty’s dick fully back into your mouth to lick it clean.

“Such a good girl for me,” Matty beams “you took such good care of me darling.”

You look away bashfully, unsure what else to say but “thank you.”

A calloused hand from years of playing guitar then cups your chin and tilts it upwards so you’re forced to make eye contact with Matty. “I think you deserve a little reward darling.”

It would have been embarrassing to observe how you perk up with eagerness at the idea of Matty giving you a reward if you weren’t so fucking horny. You’d been growing restless and needy while getting him off and you could only hope he’d reciprocate the favour.

“What exactly did you have in mind?” You dare to ask.

Matty grins “you’ll have to wait and see love, think you can hang on until we get back to my hotel?”

The thought of waiting even longer for him to return the pleasure you were so desperately craving seemed torturous in that moment but you were also dying to leave the grimy bathroom so you nod and slowly stand up on your shaky knees. Matty looks more pleased than he should be as you slightly wobble and have to place one hand on the sink and another on his thigh to get up.

“Let’s go,” you say with an air of confidence and you can’t wait to see where the night will take you.

#I kind of hate this #but like lolla matty brainrot #the 1975 #matty healy smut #matty healy fic #matty healy x reader #matty healy #the 1975 smut #george daniel #ross macdonald #the 1975 fanfic

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moupies · 2 years

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He’s not actually listening, this is the 4th time wukong has told him this story

#i have nothing other to do so might as well spam tumblr???#sun wukong #lmk #macaque #look at em!!#yeah<3 #will I ever stop adding tags that no one read and that are completely useless?#probably not #shadowpeach #blink blonk #THEY ARE SO FUN TO DRAW IM SORRY <\\\3 #i kind of hate this #pies occasionally draws!!

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hapireads · 1 year

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"I have what you're looking for. High quality, befitting a man of my tastes."

#as per miky's req #sorry this is so short :(#louis de pointe du lac #jacob anderson #daniel malloy #luke brandon field #iwtv 2022 #amc iwtv #amc interview with the vampire #immortal universe #iwtv #interview with the vampire #anne rice #the vampire chronicles #hapireadsgifs #i kind of hate this

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medicbrainrot · 11 months

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got used to the feeling of letting it go, so give me something to believe in (deep end, part 3)

A/N: continued content warning for suicidal ideation, domestic violence, and excessive alcohol consumption.

“Damn it…” Simon stared at the apartment door, his mind flooded with circling thoughts. “What do I do now?”

How can he get her to stop? Can he even do anything? Is he making things worse by trying? He felt a knot form in his throat, making it difficult to swallow.

As he stood there, he heard a yell come through the door followed by the sound of glass smashing.

“Aaarrrggghhh!”

At the sound, Simon’s heart joined the knot in his throat, panic flooding his veins. He knew he had already lost control of the situation, but suddenly it felt ten times worse. He felt like some of his worst fears were coming through, and he was paralyzed by the fear of something else happening to Juliana.

All he wants to do is make things right.

She needs to be okay. She has to be.

Simon tried to take a deep breath to steady his nerves, in an attempt to calm himself down. In through the nose, out through the mouth.

He turned around to face the door, and as he lifted his hand to the handle, he heard another yell followed by more glass shattering.

“AAARRRGGGHHH!”

“NO!” Simon yelled in response, slamming the door open and rushing inside.

He was done deliberating, he had to do something. He wouldn’t leave until Jules let him help her.

Upon entering the living room, Simon could see smashed bottles on the floor that hadn’t been there earlier.

He heard a third smash come from the direction of the bathroom, followed by a yelped hiss and the sound of running water.

Without another thought, Simon rushed to the bathroom, his mind flooding with all kinds of horrible scenarios.

His heart pounded in terror as he approached the doorway, panic flooding his mind as he pushed open the bathroom door.

The world seemed to stop when Simon finally laid eyes on Juliana.

He rushed over to the sink where she was standing, his heart stopping when he saw the shattered mirror and her hands under the faucet, the water running pink.

“Jesus Christ, Juliana! Are you okay!?” He cries out.

“Peachy keen.” She slurs, swaying slightly.

“Oh fuck.” Simon’s words shook as he saw the blood dripping from her hand. She had sliced open the skin on her hand, probably from punching the mirror.

The pit of guilt in his stomach grew ever wider, threatening to consume him.

He put his hands on her shoulders in an attempt to turn her towards him so he could get a look at her hands.

He wanted to help her. He needed to help her.

“Jules, what the hell…what did you do!?” He asked, voice still shaking.

He felt like his world would collapse at any moment.

“What you couldn’t…” She slurs. “Finish the job.”

“I didn’t mean to hurt you!” Simon exclaims, a tear starting to run down his face. “I’m so sorry, I really am.”

It was killing him to see Jules like this. Her eyes were clouded with an alcohol-induced haze, but he could read the anger in her body language.

She was hurting, and he was to blame.

“I want to help you…” He says, voice cracking a little.

“Sure you can, join the party.” She shrugs. “There’s a whole selection under the kitchen sink. Just make sure to clock me in the right spot.”

“I’m not going to hurt you!” Simon cried, his voice laced with notes of desperation. “There has to be some other way to fix this…”

“My ex said that too. And then he tried to kill me anyway. Might as well get it over with, right?” She slurs, still running her hands under the faucet.

“I’m not him!” Simon exclaimed. “I don’t even know who he is!” He shook her by the shoulders and looked directly into her eyes.

He stared at her for a moment, and with a sinking realization came to the conclusion that nothing he said would help.

“I just want to make things right, Juliana. I…I’m so sorry for what I did to you. Please, please forgive me.” Simon pleaded, voice finally cracking.

“Make sure they use lilies at my funeral, not roses.” Juliana slurs, seeming pretty out of it.

“You’re not dying! I’m not going to hurt you!” Simon shouted desperately.

His concern grew even more. Was she going to try to kill herself? Would she really try something like that?

“Juliana, for God’s sake! I’m not going to hurt you, I want to help you!” Was she even listening to anything he said, or had the alcohol blurred her mind so much that nothing was making any sense?

“Hmm, maybe if you hit me again, it’ll sink in this time…” Juliana mumbled.

“NO!” Simon shouted, trying to pull her out of the bathroom.

She may hate him for the rest of his life, but he still cares about her. He’s not going to let her hurt herself, no matter how much she hates him.

“Listen to me!” Simons says as he shakes her shoulders. “I’m not going to let you continue hurting yourself!”

He slid his hands down her arms and he began to drag her away from the sink.

She stumbled as he dragged her, the insane amount of alcohol she had consumed affecting her balance and coordination.

“Christ…” Simon growled, his body tensing as he held Juliana up. “Jules, please, let me help you.” He pleaded. There has to be another way to get through to her.

“Our father who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name.” She mumbles. “How can God’s name be hallowed if people curse it all the time?” She asks no one in particular.

Simon didn’t really know what to say to that. “Huh?” He asked softly, staring at her.

Why is she bringing up religion? Just how drunk is she? The alcohol must be making her lose her common sense.

“Thy kingdom come. Thy will be done in earth, as it is in heaven.” Juliana continued softly.

“What in the hell?” Simon muttered under his breath, confused. “Jules, where did you learn that?” He asked, as if this were a normal conversation, as if she hadn’t just been talking about killing herself moments ago. “Jules, what the hell is going on with you?” This was taking a turn for the weird, she wasn’t making any sense.

“My grandma, the catholic one.” She slurs. “Used to say it all the time when my mom and I would fight.”

“Your mom and you?” Simon asked, sounding concerned. “Did…did she hit you?”

Some of the puzzle pieces were starting to come together. “Why would she do that?”

He wanted to know, but he knew he had to tread carefully so that he didn’t hurt her further.

“I don’t know why.” Juliana tries to shrug. “I never cared much for religion. What kind of god allows parents to hurt their children?”

“You were abused.” Simon concluded softly, sadness evident in his voice. “Is…isn’t there anyone else you could have turned to about this? Anyone you trust?”

Simon felt like he was starting to understand. He felt guilty for not having understood earlier. For not having seen it sooner.

“You, the team…but when you backhanded me, in front of everyone, I felt like I was back to square zero.” She says softly.

“I’m sorry.” Simon said, his voice laced with intense guilt. “I really am.”

The events of the past two days were his fault. He had driven her to this. He was responsible.

Simon stared at her in silence for a moment. “I’m sorry, Juliana.” For a brief moment, you could see the deep pain in his eyes, the pit of guilt that had been growing, beginning to consume him.

“It’s okay.” She shrugs sadly. “I’ve been through worse.”

His eyebrows furrowed at her statement. “No, no, it’s not okay.” He said seriously, his tone still soft. “It’s never okay for this to happen to anyone. I…I don’t care what’s happened, or what you’ve done. No one deserves to be abused.”

“For the longest time… I believed it was my fault, that I had done something wrong.” She whispered.

“It wasn’t your fault.” Simon said with conviction. “It was never your fault.”

He felt awful. Simon felt awful that she had been through this, twice, and that he had contributed to it.

“Juliana, you didn’t do anything wrong. It’s your parent’s fault. It’s your ex’s fault. Not yours.” He said, trying to convince her. He wanted to make sure she knew it wasn’t her fault. To make sure that she didn’t blame herself for what had happened, never again.

Juliana looked at him, tears beginning to slide down her face.

Simon saw the tears in her eyes, and felt his heart shatter. He hadn’t felt like this in years, he felt worse than he had in a long time, seeing her cry like this.

“It’s okay Jules.” He said softly. He lifted her up a little bit so that she could sag against him as he wrapped his arms tightly around her. “You’ll be okay.”

Simon sighed as he looked down at her. “Just… just promise me one thing, okay?” He asked softly. “Promise me you’ll stop drinking like this, okay?”

He looked at her, sounding a bit desperate. “You’re drunk. Very drunk. And your emotions are running high. You can’t keep going like this, Jules. You know I’m right.” He said firmly.

“I don’t even like alcohol.” She mumbles. “It’s gross.”

“Yet you’ve been drinking it anyway, why?” Simon asked, notes of confusion in his voice. He didn’t understand. Why drink if she doesn’t like the taste?

“Nothing hurts when I’m drunk. Everything feels numb.” She says.

“And what do you do when you sober up? It will still be there, waiting for you. You’re only going to hurt yourself more if you keep drinking like this, Jules.” He sighs. “Drinking your problems away doesn’t solve them, trust me.”

“I know it doesn’t actually fix anything.” She sighs. “But sometimes it’s nice to not have to feel anything for a little while.”

“It’s never good to numb yourself out like this.” Simon gently explained. “It always gets worse when you sober up. Please, stop drinking like this. You’re better than this.” He said, notes of concern and love in his voice. “You’re worth more than this, Juliana.”

“Is that what you were thinking when you hit me?” Jules asked quietly.

“Do you want to hear the honest answer, or the sugar-coated answer? Because I’ll give you the honest answer.” Simon said, slightly bitter. “I was angry. I was mad at you. And I let that anger get the best of me. “I’m sorry.” He said sincerely.

“Thank you for being honest.” She said softly.

“So… will you stop trying to drown yourself in alcohol?” Simon asked, hoping she understood how worried he was and how much he cared. “Please?”

“Yeah… I think I’m done.” She whispered. “Help me pour it out?”

“Sure.” He replied, the sound of relief evident in his voice.

He helped her pour out the bottles sitting on the kitchen counter, and he grabbed the bottles under the kitchen sink and emptied those as well. He searched the fridge and the kitchen cabinets, and poured out the bottle he found.

“I think I got it all.” He said softly.

“Did you check under the bathroom sink?” She asked.

“Under the sink?” Simon sighed, going to the bathroom to retrieve the two bottles stashed there. How long has this been a problem that she has so much alcohol hidden in her apartment?

“That should be the last of it.” He said gently.

“You know, it’s kinda funny.” Juliana muses. “I tried to go to AA when I was 19. No one believed I had a problem… A 19 year old college girl with a drinking problem? Nah.”

“That’s awful, I’m sorry they didn’t believe you, that you didn’t get the help you needed.” Simon said softly.

“I was underage, but otherwise well put together.” She shrugs. “I didn’t fit the stereotype.”

“Even so.” Simon said, slightly frustrated. “They should have helped, not turned you away.”

“Did... did you ever try again? To get help?” Simon asked, sounding worried.

“No. I took the initial failure as a sign that I had to fix it by myself.” She answered.

“It doesn’t have to be that way. You can get help.” Simon squeezed her gently. “There are people who care. I care, Juliana, I really do. Let me help you.”

“I know you do.” Juliana sighs. “But when my boyfriend hits me when he gets upset in an argument, that really scared me, Simon.”

“I’m sorry, Juliana. I shouldn’t have done that. There is never a good reason to hurt someone like that.” Simon said, pain in his voice. “I won’t do it again, I promise.”

“I hope not.” She tries to stand on her own, but wobbles because of all the alcohol.

“Are you okay?” Simon asks. “You’re still very unsteady. Should you be standing?”

“I need to go to the bathroom… I feel like I’m gonna be sick.” She wobbles.

“Okay, let’s get you to the bathroom.” Simon helped her get to the toilet, just in time before the alcohol made a gross reappearance.

She leaned over the toilet, and all the alcohol in her stomach started the process of leaving her system.

“That’s it. Get it all out.” Simon soothed, rubbing her back. “You need to rest, Juliana. You’re not in a good state right now. You need sleep, or you’re going to feel worse.”

“Ughhh, I already feel awful.” Juliana groans. “I remember the last time I got alcohol poisoning. It was horrible.”

“That’s why I was trying to stop you from drinking more.” Simon said, his voice slightly cold. He knew that he had to stop her from continuing down this path of self-destruction. He had to stop it.

“I get it, Simon. I fucked up.” She said flatly.

“You made a mistake. You were upset. I get it. I’m not mad at you. But I want you to get better.” He said softly.

“Ok.” She wobbles as she tries to stand up. “I… I want to take a shower… but I… I…”

Simon helps her to her feet and helps her towards the shower. “Here we go.” He says gently.

He opened the shower curtain and helped her get undressed, starting the water at a warm temperature. He helped her sit down in the tub, and knelt next to it as he started to help her bathe, as if she were a child.

“I’m sorry for fucking up.” She said quietly as he washed her hair.

“It’s alright, Juliana.” Simon replied as he continued to wash her, taking care to be gentle. “I’m here to help you.”

“Thank you.” She sighed under his touch. “I’m the worst girlfriend ever…”

“I think you’re a pretty nice girlfriend, actually. This was just a hiccup, you didn’t do it intentionally.” Simon said gently as he helped her wash off. “Nobody is perfect, Jules, but that’s okay. It’s what makes us human.”

“You’re not alone. You have people who love you. Me included.” He said.

“I’m sorry, Simon. For everything, for… for this, for arguing with you, for provoking you to the point of violence. I’m sorry.” She says, tears gathering in her eyes.

Simon sat silently for a moment as he helped her rinse the shampoo from her hair. After a bit, he felt like some of the weight had been lifted from his shoulders. “It’s alright, Jules. It… It was a mistake. But we’re okay, we’ll move on from this. And it wasn’t just you who provoked me, I also reacted poorly.”

“I know I don’t say it often enough, but I appreciate you Simon. My life is better with you in it.” She teeters a little, the alcohol still making its way through her system. “I… I don’t ever want to lose you.”

Simon took a deep breath, and then pressed a kiss to her cheek. “I love you Juliana. I don’t ever want to lose you either.” He said softly. “You’re amazing, you know that?”

She lets out a small laugh. “Simon, I look ridiculous, I’m drunk, naked, and covered in soap suds because I can’t even shower by myself right now.”

“And yet you’re still beautiful.” Simon said matter-of-factly. “You’re still gorgeous even if you do look kind of ridiculous.”

“Even when I’m wasted?” Juliana whispers.

“Even when you’re wasted, or sick, or tired, or any version of anything you think is less than perfect.” He kissed her cheek again. “I will always love you, no matter what. I am here to protect you.” He said, almost as if he were swearing a promise.

“I don’t know if I’ll ever be deserving of you, Simon.” She whispered fondly before pressing a kiss to his jaw.

“Trust me, you are. I don’t want anybody else. I love you, all of you. Your faults, your flaws, your traumas, your insecurities. All of you, Juliana.” He gently ran a hand down her hair as he finished rinsing her off. “Don’t you ever doubt that.”

She shivered, a tingle running down her spine.

“I love you.” She whispers. “But can we get out of the shower now? The water is starting to run cold…”

“Yeah, of course.” Simon nodded, turning off the water. “Give me a moment, yeah?” He grabbed a towel and gently picked her up, sitting her on the outside edge of the tub.

“Just dry off a bit, I’ll grab you some clothes.” He rubbed her arms a bit to warm her up.

“Here you go.” Simon stepped back into the bathroom, clean pajamas in hand.

Juliana shivered, despite the warm steam in the bathroom.

“Are you alright?” He asked as he saw her shiver, wanting to make sure she was okay.

“It’s kinda cold…” She shivered again. “I think the alcohol is making its way through my system.”

“Alright, let’s get you in bed and get you warmed up.” He helped her get dried off and dressed, then picked her up and carried her to the bedroom, carefully setting her down on the bed.

He pulled up the blankets around her, before kicking off his shoes and sliding under the covers next to her.

“Thank you Simon, for not abandoning me.” She whispered, snuggling into his side. “I’m sorry for hurting you.”

“I’m right here.” He replied. “You’re safe, no one is going to hurt you anymore. You’ll always be safe with me. I’m never leaving you, ever. Okay?”

She nods, tucking her face into his neck.

Simon grew quiet, wrapping his arms around her, gently rubbing up and down her back.

“You’re warm.” Juliana mumbled softly.

“Is it comforting?” Simon asked.

“Mmhmm. You smell good, too, like home.”

“I… I do? I smell good?” Simon wondered curiously, running his fingers lightly through her wet hair.

“Yeah,” She mumbles. “Like spice, and pine, and… and home…”

Simon smiled at her description, his heart fluttering a little bit. “You’ve got to rest now, my sweet girl. That’s the best thing for you right now. Get some sleep, I’m right here.”

“Not close enough.” Jules muttered, wrapping an arm around Simon’s torso and bringing herself tighter against him, with surprising strength for someone so drunk.

Simon let out a small laugh at her actions. “You want me right next to you, huh?”

He gently pulled her tighter against him. “Alright love, I’m right here. You’ve got me.” He whispered, tucking her closer to him.

A/N: Thanks for reading! Likes, reblogs, and feedback are appreciated!

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