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altsvu · 4 months

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more than just my intern

pairing: sonny carisi x fem!reader

wc: 1.3k

summary: sonny was eager to take you under his wing when he suddenly realizes he was eager for more…

tw: none i can think of 😅

a/n: y’all PLEASEEEE don’t be mad at me but this was sitting in my notes for ALMOST A YEAR bc i wanted to add smut but it was HARD. so i got rid of it, but if y’all want a part 2, i can definitely do it! also this gif is just *chefs kiss*💋 its so fitting for this lowkey

law and order svu masterlist! ✯ taglist!

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“I like you so much, I wish you were more than just my intern.”

“Well, those arrangements can be made.”

You enjoyed being a detective, but you wanted more. You followed in Sonny’s footsteps for as long as you could imagine and now it was your time to shine. You and Sonny had been partners for about 4 years when he announced he was applying to law school. You were there for Sonny when he got his acceptance letter, and when he had mentioned before his acceptance that he was applying to Fordham night school to become an ADA, it had become a surprise to you because you were actually looking at that school, among many others in the area. A few years after Sonny finished law school, you got one of the best news of your life.

“Sonny, you need to come over ASAP.” You said over the phone.

“Why, are you okay?”

“I just have something here that I’d like you to witness.”

“Okay, I’ll be there in 20.”

When Sonny came over, the both of you curled up on your living room couch staring at your laptop.

“I got an email from Fordham.”

The clock ticked slow from the time you opened up the email to the time you clicked on the link to log into the portal.

“Is that what I think that is?” Sonny said.

After you logged in there was another thing you had to click on in order for you to see your application status. Then, a whole bunch of confetti popped up on your screen.

“OH MY GOSH I GOT IN!” You screamed.

You and Sonny screamed and laughed for a few moments, living in the moment. You got accepted into law school!

“I’m so proud of you Y/N. You deserve it.” Sonny said, pulling you into a hug.

“Aww thank you.” You beamed. “And look at you, thriving as an ADA already. If anything I’m proud of you!”

Sonny also had a wide smile on his face. “It’s no easy thing, so thank you. These accomplishments deserve a little celebration, dont’cha think?”

“Oh yea,” You agreed.

And with that, your life changed.

•••

Fast forward a few months, you went through orientation and all those get to know you stuff and you were now taking your official classes. Sonny on the other hand was doing great as an ADA and you were extremely happy for him. Juggling law school and working as a detective, not to mention you got promoted, was something you were learning to handle one day at a time. You didn’t know how Sonny did it.

Throughout the semester, Sonny occasionally popped by to check on and see how everything was going, and he even helped you with some of the classes that he previously took. When you had your spare time on the job you went to visit Sonny to see how he was handling Hadid and the cases he had to work with. On the days he had to work late to prep for trial, you were reluctant to leave him, you were curious about this aspect of being an ADA. He gave you advice and other words of wisdom that you kept with you throughout your time in law school.

A year and a half passed by and Sonny was taking off with his career and you were still in school, doing everything you could to get high grades in your classes. On top of that, dealing with all the changes Manhattan SVU was going through was taking a toll as well. It was about that time for you to start gaining experience. Sonny let you sit in cases, live cases, in the courtroom, as you took notes on his techniques, just as he did when he learned from Rafael.

“You know, you might as well be an ADA now with all these cases you’ve sat in with me.”

“Not yet, Counselor. Give it about two more years. For now, I’ll be your little intern.”

That brought a smile to Sonny’s face. “Intern, huh?”

“Yeah.”

“If you’re serious about it, I can make arrangements with the DA… it can be your part time.”

Your eyes widened. “Sonny…”

“I know, I know. You don’t have to act on it right away, I just want the best for you. I didn’t get the chance to do this, but I want you to have it.”

You didn’t know what to say, so you hugged Sonny.

“Thank you. Seriously, for everything.”

“Of course. Anything for my partner.”

•••

After many conversations with the DA’s office, the bureau chief, and even Benson, you got your official position as ADA Sonny Carisi’s intern. Part time internship kind of situation. It was needed as one of the requirements for one of the classes you were taking so it fit.

Your days consisted of looking over some of the cases Sonny had on his docket, taking notes for your own practice, as well as observing during cases. You did get paired with other ADA’s on the eighth floor, but you always drew yourself towards Sonny.

•••

One night, you were in Sonny’s office looking over a case with him when he decided it was best for the both of you to have a nightcap.

“Hey, you’ve been taking notes on that case file for a while. Unwind with me.”

You looked up and saw Sonny pull out a bottle of wine and glass cups. You watched him pop the bottle open and pour the red liquid in both of the cups. He handed one of them to you, hoping you would accept it. You sighed, plopping the case file on the table. Taking the glass with a smile on your face, you followed Sonny to the couch he had in his office.

“You know, I don’t think I ever told you this, but it’s beautiful how dedicated you are to becoming an ADA.”

“Aww, you think so?”

“Yes.”

“I appreciate it a lot. I think a part of it was also your doing. You inspired me to go further in my career. Further helping victims of all walks of life that don’t have a voice of their own, victims that want to be free from the shackles of their toxic situations, victims that are tired of their bodies being used forcefully for sexual desires.”

“Maybe I did inspire you. You’ve really been a great advocate for everyone that walked through those precinct doors and it shows.”

“Cheers to that.” You smiled, raising your glass.

Sonny clinked his glass with yours and smiled. “Cheers.”

“I’m glad you’re my intern.”

You raised an eyebrow, setting your glass down. “Oh?”

“Yeah. I get to spend more time with you, for starters.”

“Mmm, yeah, I miss you at SVU sometimes. It’s not the same without you.”

Sonny nodded. “I get that.”

There was a moment of silence between the two of you, just completely comfortable silence and long looks.

“I like you so much, I wish you were more than just my intern.” Sonny admitted to break the silence.

You were startled at first, but then a smile crept on your face as soon as you knew what he meant.

“Well, those arrangements can be made.” You whispered. You took one more sip of your wine and scooted closer to Sonny.

“Oh yea?” He said in a hushed tone, moving closer to you as well. At this point, the both of your thighs were touching each other. You felt a major spark between you and him. You were feeling a certain type of way and it wasn’t from the alcohol.

“Yea.” You whispered.

Sonny gently took your face in his hand and kissed you.

After the kiss, the both of you were smiling, holding each other’s faces in hands and touching foreheads.

“I want more,” you said. “That was beautiful.”

“Beautiful indeed, my little intern.”

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taglist: @detective-giggles , @lapaquerette , @itsjustmyfantasyroom , @ssaic-jareau , @averyhotchner , @blackbeautifulqueen , @redlipstickandplaid, @storiesofsvu , @hotchsbabygirl-blog, @deiondraaa, @wandas-wife , @ellevandeberg

#altsvu #altsvu oneshots #law and order svu fandom #law and order fic #law and order svu #law and order svu fanfiction #sonny carisi #sonny carisi x reader #ada sonny carisi #detective sonny carisi #sonny carisi fanfiction #sonny carisi x fem!reader #ada sonny carisi x reader #law and order special victims unit #svu #svu fanfiction #svu fic

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prince-kallisto · 3 months

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Happy birthday Malleus!! I started this fic a long time ago, but I realized yesterday that it would be perfect time to finish it for his birthday. This fic is from Crowley’s point of view, and Malleus doesn’t actually appear in the story. However, he is an integral part of the overall plot. Haha, I’m not used to posting my fics directly in tumblr…my Ao3 fic might be easier to read? Whichever format you’re more used to ^_^ I’d appreciate any comments! 💖🐦‍⬛

4.4k words (Angst, Grief/Mourning, Dissociation, starts off as Slice of Life, Crowley is an unreliable narrator)

*****

But I Loved Her More

Every other week, the Ramshackle janitor- er, prefect, arrived at Crowley’s office with a stack of photos taken with the Ghost Camera. With a mere click, all shenanigans occuring in the school’s campus were documented and viewed at his discretion. Convenient, yes? Far more preferable over those dastardly reports. Although Mr. Rosehearts was one of Heartslabyul’s finest Housewarden’s, Crowley had to confess (to himself only, for Great Seven knows what a whipping Trein would give him otherwise) to disposing of the reports without giving them a second glance. Honestly, the paragraphs droned on and on over absolute rubbish- frankly, he did not care if ten students didn’t wear pink on Wednesdays or whatever rule 249 was. And imagine being forced to read such drivel twice a month! Ahh, what burdensome work~

Sorting through the photos revealed a pattern of a certain trio of first-year troublemakers appearing more often than others. Spade accidentally broke a beaker in the Alchemy classroom, Trappola snubbed yet another pile of homework, and Grim stirred up yet another rivalry between him and a Savanaclaw student. Crowley bit back a laugh at how the sequence of photos revealed Grim’s unfortunate fate with the Savanaclaw boy. What did Grim expect when picking a fight with a grown beastman nearly triple his size? Well, he was sure Grim put up a noble fight until the very end.

Entertainment for himself aside, this trio’s penchant for mischief vexed him. These boys were a set of promising young mages with…decent grades, but Crowley has had to redo the school’s monthly budget several times due to the destruction of property! Perhaps it meant a few thaumarks here and there were pinched from Ramshackle’s share, but the prefect was a sturdy individual. Skipping a meal or two never hurt anybody, and the lack of a functioning heater builds character! Really, he was doing them a kindness by giving them this opportunity for growth. Besides, if there were any protests, the prefect had no one but themselves to blame for the friends they associated with.

Although no major incidents occured this week, Crowley gasped in utter horror at the next set of photos. Sweet merciful Seven! Making immature gestures towards a rival dorm’s mirror did not befit Night Raven College’s prestigious name! It did not break any school rules, per se, but etiquette was certainly wanting. Did these children learn nothing about cooperating hand-in-hand with their fellow classmates in Vargas Camp?

He slumped into his office throne with a drawn-out sigh. He shan’t get so worked up over a schoolboy’s(schoolcat’s?) typical immaturity. Whether he liked it or not, times have changed since his early days of being a Headmage. Such insolence wouldn’t have even occurred in those boys’ minds back then! Why, they used to bow and unfurl a carpet of praises whenever he graced them with his presence. Now, the boys hardly paid him a second glance when he greeted them! It didn’t bother him, of course. He was an adult, which meant he had thick skin and wasn’t troubled by typical teenage snark. Still, perhaps he should talk with Trein or Crewel about teaching these boys some proper etiquette, such as responding to their Headmage’s greetings with zeal!

He jotted the future meeting down on a scroll. This behavior had to be remedied straight away. Tapping the quill against his lips, he observed his calendar for the upcoming weeks. Hm…he could reschedule the meeting with the Department of Education to next month. If it was important enough, they’d send him another message. Rescheduling his massage appointment was out of the question- getting an appointment with his preferred masseuse was akin to being a gladiator fighting against the odds in an arena. He simply couldn’t risk losing out on a much needed session.

Vargas did not treat his shoulders and neck kindly the last time Crowley complained of an ache. Why, his muscles got thoroughly tenderized from the “treatment” he received. No matter the brand of silk pillows and adjustable mattresses he used, the ache in his bones that never lessened. Crewel claimed Crowley’s age was finally getting the best of him, but he was still quite youthful, mind you! (At heart, at least.) Even now, he felt a tightening ache in his chest and a twinge in his neck. His jaw clicked as he tried to loosen up its tension. There were far too many things to do and so little time. So very little time.

Wanting to rub at his eyes, Crowley scratched the beak of his mask as a compromise. He rose from his seat to further stretch his legs and peered out his office windows. Built from floor to ceiling, the grandiose windows provided him a view of the entire campus- perfect to monitor the comings and goings of all. The leaves of the courtyard apple trees shimmered from the light of the full moon. Night Raven College had not a soul wandering about due to student curfew; it looks like no one tried to sneak out tonight. Even his raven companions found refuge in their nests weaved from twigs and cloth. The poor dears had a tendency to collect trash for the lining of their beds, due to some uncouth students who apparently lacked the self-respect to use a trash can. Crowley often flew into the crevices of campus, cleaning up any nest and provided more suitable materials like fur or wool.

Only the ghosts remained on campus, who were in the process of retiring after a long day of work. Fascinating creatures, they were. Why, if he was granted an afterlife, he surely wouldn’t be spending it as a cook or a groundskeeper. But perhaps he wasn’t the best fae to judge. After studying human nature for many decades now, Crowley drew to the conclusion that the ghosts could only relax for so long, before the remnants of their living restlessness stirred up inside. The idea of a peaceful afterlife simply didn’t exist for humankind. It was in their nature to yearn for more and more.

Sinking back into the velvet cushions of his throne, Crowley swiftly flipped through the photos, paying no mind to the rest of the shenanigans in them. Any troublemakers should consider themselves lucky he wanted to call it a night instead of wasting his time on another pile of reports. The Ghost Camera photos were occasionally hijacked by Diamond, who took photos of himself or artfully arranged drinks- all with the most optimal lighting and flattering of angles. Crowley slid the photos to the side to give them back to the prefect tomorrow- he had no use for these. Besides, he’d have to inquire about the drinks. Perhaps the trendy cafe Diamond frequented would grant him a teacher’s discount!

Crowley paused at the last photo in the bunch. It seems to have been taken in secrecy, due to the low angle, bushes framing the photo, and the unfocused gaze of the subject. Crowley should speak to the Ramshackle janitor to have more respect for other’s privacy, but for once, he didn’t mind. The photograph wasn’t artfully taken, but the subject himself made up for it in spades. This was exactly what Crowley was looking forward to.

As he gently brushed his fingers over the filmy surface, a glow emitted from the photograph. Light filtered through the darkness of his office as a halo of green fireflies burst from the frame, drifting in the air like dandelions. Crowley’s breath caught in his chest. Despite being mere projections, the fireflies tickled at his cheek and danced around his shoulders. He yearned to pluck at a few and keep them safe in a glass bottle to watch them float forever. And yet his hands slipped through the light, transient and untouchable. An inky substance pricked at his eyes, and he dabbed at the eyeholes of his mask with his silk handkerchief. Oh dear, he truly was getting up there in age if this was all it took to lose his composure.

You see, the deceptive nature of the Ghost Camera was its reenactment of the scene of the photo. When the bond between the photographer and the subject grew deeper, a representation of their intertwining souls came in the form of the projections. It seems the Ramshackle prefect managed to worm their way into the heart of the young fae, whose eyes shone brighter than any treasure.

Malleus Draconia.

A name befitting the Draconia family heir, a name honoring the Thorn Fairy herself. How lucky Crowley was to have such a fine student under his tutelage. For a long while he has wondered if he’d be granted such a privilege in his lifetime. The saying is true, that paths do eventually cross in the most unexpected ways.

Setting the photo down, Crowley admired the ghostly image of Malleus, whose miniature recreation roamed around his desk. In the projection, Malleus inspected the bent and rusty gates that caged Ramshackle Dorm, before flitting over to the statues that looked as if they would crumble at a mere touch. Moss and grime lined every crevice of the limestone, making their features much more unsightly. Crowley grimaced at the thought of these creatures coming to life. Gnarled fangs that could puncture the sturdiest of hides, those bulging eyes and wicked claws stirring up a primal fear in a warrior’s heart. Thankfully, those monsters only reside in fairytales. To be fair, so does he. He couldn’t discard the possibility of these creatures indeed existing in the flesh. Miracles of magic could conjure up any beast, as they could be imagined.

Crowley poked at the projection with a golden claw, wanting to peer into the fae’s mind. What was so beautiful about moldy shingles and decaying statues? What was so beautiful indeed, about something ruined beyond repair? Not even the spiders graced the ruins with their prescence, torn lace of old cobwebs blowing in the wind.

As his claw brushed over the projection, the image rippled like water, distoring the fae’s features. Crowley jerked away so quickly, too quickly, that the muscles in his neck twinged in protest. The projection slipped back into its frame, equally spooked from the sudden touch. Crowley cleared his throat as he attempted to regain his composure. Thank goodness the hour was so late. There was no chance that someone bore witness to that embarassing scene. My, my, did the ache in his neck ever smart…

He reminded himself that he would store the photos and call it a day. Store the photos and call it a day. Nothing more, nothing less. Crowley lifted one of the golden keys from his belt, unlocking a drawer in his desk. He shook the knob of the drawer impatiently, the sharp thuds of wood echoing in his office. He would need to have a repairman take a look at his desk- the drawers were ever so cumbersome to open these days. With one final and insistent tug, the drawer flung open.

The pile of photos were carelessly flung into the drawer, scattering as they joined the heap of previous ‘reports’. Despite the mess, a corner of a book peeked out from underneath. Crowley swallowed. Store the photos and call it a day. The mantra looped in head as he made no move to grab the journal nor to close the drawer. It was as if he was frozen in time, the pages coaxing him to take a closer look. Just one peek wouldn’t hurt, right? It was his office- he could do whatever he wanted. The only rules here were his mental ones, and his resolve could easily be shattered.

As he grabbed the book, he shook the Ghost Camera photos off it as if they were disruptive insects. Through his gloved hands, the weaved texture of the cover bumped over his skin. The edges of the book’s pages were speckled yellow and the corners seeped with brown. There were many ways to safely archive such books, of course, but even the bodies in coffins would decay to time. Nothing could last forever, not even this journal he cherished so much. The spine cracked as Crowley pried open the heavy tome, the parchment crinkling underneath his touch. Each page contained excerpts of writing or sketches beside the guarded photos. The archival black ink used decades ago was still etched onto the paper. Did this ink manufactuer still exist? He must have wrote the brand name of the bottle somewhere…he must leave some generous praises online later.

Crowley smoothed out the wrinkles in the page as he deciphered the scribbles. In one of his many past travels, Crowley unearthed this journal in a withered castle long ago. Its contents depicted the knights and princesses of days yore, reduced to nothing more than a mere fairytale. This book has been his little pet project for quite some time. Perhaps five decades by now? Or was it ten? A hundred years sounds about right, but so does three hundred…In any case, He’s been considering using some of these pages for assignments for third-years to decipher. The script was written in a rather archaic fae language, one that he had no problem with reading, but one he had to take his time with. He ought to brush up on his skills a bit more- this book was the only practice he got with his language in quite some time. Crowley has yet to share this book with Trein or any others. Trein was an old fellow he trusted dearly, and his expertise on human history and magic was one of the finest in the land. But even then, Trein could not yet be privy to this book. Crowley wanted- no, needed- just a bit more time with it.

The photo quality in the journal improved the more he flipped. Technology has improved more swiftly than a blink of an eye. The photos became sharper, losing the grain and burned spotting. Color livened up the monochromatic photos, making its subjects look more alive than ever. As he reached the most recent page, Crowley slid the Ghost Camera photo into the journal, snug in its enclosure of vinyl. The Ghost Camera projections could no longer burst out, the floating lights in his room dissipating into nothingness.

Crowley squinted in the dark of his office, trying to make out the album but to no avail. Oh, how silly of him to forget to light his candles tonight. A brief tap of the candelabra’s wax cast a harsh purple flame in the room. He admittedly preferred the docile fireflies, but this would do for now. He would retire to his bedchambers in just a minute anyway.

Crowley flipped back and forth between the book pages. He’s noticed it quite long ago, but there was a woman depicted in this journal that resembled Malleus all too greatly. Photographs weren’t all too reliable in those days, so there were countless of her in the thin pages, likely mimicking royal paintings. Whoever drew her must have had quite the fancy for her, as there were miniature pieces made from paint, charcoal, and oils. Due to the withering of the journal, the paint has long since lost its saturation, and the charcoal sketches of her figure were smudged. Some of her features were indecipherable, but the curves and ridges of her horns were undoubtably the same as the fae student.

He detested those statues Malleus admired, but those same monstrous features of horns and talons were quite enchanting on this woman. He could not blame the artist’s fancy. With swift gestures made of various mediums, the artist captured not only all her silver regality, but also moments of intimate repose as she slept. Lucky devil, the artist was, to have such a closeness to this lady. Judging from the name he managed to decipher, Meleanor Draconia must be a distant relative of Malleus. Well, distant as she could be, with Malleus’ features being a replica of hers.

Despite being a princess of the Draconia family, Meleanor hardly appeared in the historical texts Crowley could get his hands on, even in the castle he found this journal in. Any scrolls and painting were no doubt raided. Her castle showed signs of being taken over by a rivaling kingdom, with thrones being crudely painted over and banners poorly replaced, and until it too fell. Traces of her beauty were lost to time and conquest, burned beyond repair.

What an embarrassment, to mourn over a woman as if he knew her. But thinking of the liveliness fading from her eyes, her waterfall of hair flowing no longer…it made him want to rest alongside her grave all over again. Crowley could no longer blame the eldest Shroud for his obsession over those characters of his. Perhaps in his own way, Shroud felt a connection to fiction, to the lives unlike his own: stories of grandeur and freedom, of love and triumph. Or perhaps it was a case of usual teenage ennui, and Shroud really ought to get more friends in real life. Speaking of, his parents would not stop pestering Crowley with emails of how Shroud was doing. How’s he getting along at school? Has he made new friends? Has he been practiced healthier eating habits?

How was he supposed to know?! Wouldn’t the younger Shroud have a more accurate report on this?!

But like any respectable and humble Headmage, Crowley responded to each parental concern with complete sincerity. Not because these were the heads of Styx or anything. Perhaps he fudged the truth a bit, but if it made them happier, the better it was for his well-being.

As he shifted in his chair, his spine cracked in the most unpleasant of ways. Oh dear, he truly has been sitting here for far too long. Where was he again? Right, the journal. The journal. His journal. The woman. Meleanor.

The later pages depicted drawings of her with a child- or rather, an egg speckled with stars. Her eyes glowed brighter than any treasure as she cradled her pride and joy. His throat tightened. How unfortunate indeed, that such a life was cut short. Meleanor undoubtedly perished before the hatching of her child, as the journal no longer depicted her beauty. After the last drawing of her curled up and napping with the egg, there were pages upon pages marred with furious stabs of ink.

Her death brought many questions to Crowley. There were infinite possibilities of how her life could have played out if she lived. But in regards to her egg- which, who knew if survived or not- would she have been the doting mother that Shroud’s family was?

Based on the depictions of her alone, Crowley could imagine how she’d coo over the egg as she decided on a name.

“If it’s a girl,” Her spouse began, before Meleanor swiftly cut him off.

“A boy,” She said firmly. “He will be a prince, I’m sure of it.”

Her spouse’s eyes twinkled in amusement, a wry grin on his face. “Is that so? How can you be so sure?”

“A mother’s intuition!”

Levan pressed an ear to the egg. He could feel the soft thumping of a heartbeat inside, his and Meleanor’s blood circulating inside. Nothing really told him whether or not their child was a boy. But Meleanor was likely right, anyhow. “And a father’s intuition tells me that you’re right! So what manner of a name shall we crown our little prince? Mmmm…Maximilius? Melly?” Those were silly names and he knew it, but he enjoyed the way Meleanor giggled. She laughed the same way she did as a child, rather scandulously but filled with mirth.

“Dearest, don’t be so daft! I was thinking more along the lines of ‘Malleus’. Don’t you think it sounds like both of our names?”

It sounded nothing like his name, to be honest. But he’d humor Meleanor and her antics. “Well…I suppose if you sound it out very generously, it does sound a bit like me. Or perhaps more like Lilia? In any case, Malleus has quite the ring to it. I quite like it, my dear.”

Gently lifting the egg from Meleanor’s arms to cradle it himself, he caressed the egg, the bumps and ridges of it reminding him of the feel of Meleanor’s horns. A malevolent star, this child would be. One that would break Crowley’s heart into pieces, yet the shards of himself would still manage to love and love and love, even when little of who he was remained. Malleus. Dear Malleus. Please, do forgive me.

Oh, how times have changed, and how much his little star grew. His star burned bright to the point when Crowley tore his eyes away, the silhouette was burned into his eyes, floating in his vision no matter where he looked, taunting him even as he closed his eyes to rest.

The flow of her hair, the cutting edge of her jaw, and the hundreds of needles serving as her eyelashes. From the way his eyes fit in his skull, to the degree of his cheekbones, Malleus’ features stitched together in a mockery of her beauty. So close, but not quite as Crowley remembered it to be.

His breath shuddering and throat tight, Crowley flipped back the most recent pages, with the new Ghost Camera photograph still safely inside. He slipped the photo out of the vinyl to write in the margins. Uncapping a bottle of ink, Crowley scribbled down today’s date with his quill underneath the photograph to keep track of time. The nib of the quill scratched against the pages as he did. Suddenly, Crowley paused in his writing. He craned his head to look at his desk calender, tapping on his phone to confirm it.

January 18th?

No, surely it wasn’t. It couldn’t be. Yet the spread of information confirmed it, his eyes refusing to be deceived. Crowley grimaced. Yet another set of birthday celebrations would be held for the prince of Briar Valley. Crowley had ordered the decorations long in advance, stretching out the school’s budget just a tad for the extravagance of it all. As the Headmage, it was suitable that he showed up at any birthday of his students. He’d had to remind the Ramshackle prefect to take plently of photos of this celebration. He doubted the prefect would forget, but a reminder wouldn’t hurt. He’d like the capture Malleus’ toothy smile, and his uproarious laughter as he got along with his peers. His little star grew so much. Growing ever more distant, growing ever so bright. Perhaps Meleanor would like to see the photographs of Malleus’ birthday celebration when she came home. Tomorrow he’ll meet her again, with today all being a nightmare, hours stretching into days and months and years and centuries and-

With a startled jerk of his hand, Crowley realized a pool of ink built into the photograph due to him not moving the quill, staining several of the journal pages underneath. His thumb and fingers squeezes around the useless feather. The fireflies in the photograph were obscured with blots of ink. Malleus’ face had ink running up it, and Crowley desperately tried to save at least the view of his emerald eyes. His hand ended up smudging the ink further, his little star’s face hidden for good. The quill in Crowley’s hands snapped from the pressure, ink splattering over his suit and hands. A black substance soaked up into the paper, spreading among the delicate fibers.

As if broken out of a trance, Crowley stumbled out of his chair to see the damage done on his clothes. More damage seemed to be inflicted on his neck and back, as he winced from the sharp aches in his body.

He hasn’t been feeling like himself for a long time. He hasn’t been well for quite a long time.

With deep, shuddering breathes, Crowley felt the ink stains on his previously pristine white sleeves soaked into his skin through the fabric. How unsightly. He would have to go to a dry-cleaners posthaste when it opened up in the morning.

Crowley picked up the Ghost Camera photo, ink dripping from the ruined film. No longer did the fireflies burst from its frame, as the ink covered its main subject. Crowley’s hands trembled as the photo crinkled in his grip. His entire hands, covered with ink he couldn’t remove. His entire face, covered with ink he couldn’t remove. Felt it circulating through his body, his blood no longer his own alongside his heart. His little star was no longer his, as any part of who he originally was broke a long time ago.

A warm glow filtered into his office through the laced windows. Daytime.

Surely it hasn’t been all night? He only settled in at his desk just a few minutes ago, surely. There were already hushed and bleary voices coming from down below, as the students were rising for breakfast. Oh dear, there wouldn’t even be time for him to take a nap! At least the dry cleaners would be open soon. He could clean up this mess and forget any of it ever happened.

Crowley took one last lingering stare at the crumpled and stained photograph of Malleus, before summoning a flickering fire at his fingertip, light glinting off his golden claws. Within seconds, the stranger in the photo began to burn, edges crinkling into themselves. How amusing it was, for how easily his life’s work could be turned to ash in one simple moment. The ashes intermingled with the puddles of ink on his desk, creating a horrible concoction of his own foolishness.

Crowley locked up his journal into his desk drawer again, keeping it safe from further harm. Readjusting his coat and composure, he stepped out his office and locked the door without a single glance back. Meleanor only existed in his drawings and scatterings of his memory- but he’d have the real thing someday soon. The gestures of her figure would come to life, and everything would be the way it was again. He couldn’t quite recall those times, but surely those days were better. Anything over today. Anything over Malleus. He couldn’t stand the mockery of Meleanor’s features no longer- and yet today was a celebration of her son’s life. If only she didn’t sacrifice herself. If only she had left their precious unhatched pride and joy behind. Anything over Malleus. Anything for Meleanor.

Somewhere deep, deep inside, a quiet guilt cried out.

But he loved her more.

______________________

Haha, I apologize if parts of this story felt disorienting! I feel like in my vision of Crowley, his own inner thoughts are rather conflicting, as if he himself cant get the story right. Whether he quite literally can’t get the details right, or just refuses to comprehend his own tragedy- his thoughts spiral quite easily. I hope in the end, it made sense regardless of how strange some sections were. I have a lot of fun with the Crowley-is-Levan theory. I imagine many different interpretations with him, but this one, I took the approach of him being both sadly confused and in denial of his own memories. His own inner dialogue is confused whether he is Levan or that Levan is a desperate entity- and I think Crowley’s guilt has made it that he can hardly recognize himself anymore. He holds a great love for Malleus, but Crowley isn’t always in the healthiest state of mind. I hoped you enjoyed reading, thank you for taking the time to do so! ^o^

#twisted wonderland #twst #dire crowley #twst dire Crowley #twst Crowley #twst malleus #twst malleus draconia #twst papa draconia #Twst meleanor #Twst levan #twst revan #twst meleanor draconia #twst fanfic #fanfic #my fanfic #kallistopost #crowley is levan theory

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princeblack · 4 months

Text

Regulus wakes to a knock at the door, followed by a creaking sound as it opens immediately. Blinking bleary green eyes open, he doesn’t see anyone standing in the doorway, so he knows it’s Kreacher. Sure enough, the house elf’s voice follows. “Good morning, Young Master… Kreacher is here to wake you on behalf of Mistress’s orders. She requests you are ready to depart for King’s Cross by nine o’clock, so you must dress and eat now–”

“Yes, good morning, Kreacher…” Regulus’s voice is groggy and his patience thin, because despite how endearing it always was that the house elf took his job very seriously, it also quickly became exhausting when at the crack of dawn. “Tell Mother I’ll be down in ten minutes.”

Kreacher walks to the edge of his room, folding his hands together as big pale eyes gaze up at Regulus, who’s still in his pajamas. “Yes, Young Master. Kreacher is happy to serve…”

Sitting up, he glances down thoughtfully at the house elf. “Go make yourself some tea and have some eggs and toast, okay?”

Sometimes his mother would ‘forget’ to give the loyal house elf his breaks, something that Regulus made sure to command him to take. “That’s an order, so you must.”

The house elf sniffs a little, the way he always does when he thinks someone might be contradicting Regulus’s mother in any way, but he ultimately agrees. “Yes, Young Master… Master Regulus is generous and will make his mother proud when he’s sorted into the noble house of Slytherin.”

Regulus smiles, unable to contain his natural reaction to the elf. “And I’m looking forward to it. Now, get out of my room so I can change.”

The small house elf bows before leaving, closing the door on his way out. It leaves Regulus in silence, contemplating the future. He’s sixteen and finally going to attend Hogwarts, School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, just like his predecessors. He would no doubt be sorted into the same house as the rest of his family, and if his home-schooling grades were to be trusted, he would be even more talented in an official academic setting. Everyone expected him to succeed, from his parents to his extended family, including Lucius and Bellatrix. They had already placed their trust and expectations in him, allowing him to attend secret and lavish meetings with the Dark Lord at the Lestrange mansion and various hidden places. Lucius would often say that Draco had much to learn from Regulus, only ‘hoping’ his son would amount to as much both magically and academically. Draco wasn’t allowed to attend the parties or meetings yet, with Lucius claiming he had maturing to do, but Regulus had met Lord Voldemort. Lucius explained he was in a specter form after Harry Potter’s ‘defeat’, in a weakened state and requiring a body to fully walk in their realm again. From what Regulus could tell, Voldemort was smart and well-spoken, only wanting to protect the wizarding world from outsiders and even itself.

It was hard for Regulus to imagine, after living in a wizard’s village the entirety of his life, why muggles would be allowed into their society when they wanted them dead for most of recorded history. Would anyone who wasn’t brought up in their ways truly understand them, or would they be biased to their muggle roots, always defending them even when the magical world was at risk? His father always said that despite the Black family’s riches, their heritage and family was the most important valuable of them all, and they were to protect their magical blood with their lives or it would bring shame upon their fathers and their fathers before them.

He’s heard from his family about the state of muggleborns at Hogwarts, being admitted in just the same as those from wizarding families. Every student was even designated to use muggle transportation to get to the school, in the name of cohesion (“That crackpot old fool doesn’t want to admit he’s boot-licking the muggles”, as Lucius had said to his father). Regulus thought it was an overreaction on his relative’s part, but he did see the fear beneath, and he felt it all around him as muggles were integrated into their society more and more. What if their secret was to be found out, and they were hunted to extinction when their numbers were already dwindled to so few? What if magic was bred out of their bloodlines completely? Even the paintings of Grimmauld Place talked about it and it was never far from the back of Regulus’s mind.

But something else that never left his mind was Sirius’s dusty room, still untouched at the topmost landing of the mansion. There were Permanent Sticking Charms on a lot of the decorations on the wall, including the Gryffindor banners hanging everywhere. Regulus had often wondered how Sirius was the only one in the family to become sorted into Gryffindor, and what exactly had happened between him and their parents that led to his disownment. But his mother and father were tight-lipped, telling Regulus he’s a murderer and a blood traitor. This didn’t quite match up with Regulus’s research, which indicated that Sirius was immediately escorted to Azkaban upon the murder of muggles in broad daylight, all because of his maddened support for the Dark Lord. But none of his family was willing to talk of the incident, and none of the death eaters either. If Sirius ever supported Lord Voldemort or if he was a fraud who de-famed their organization with careless murder in the streets, Regulus never knew. All he knew was his brother’s image was burned from the family tree and the remains of his life here were frozen in time in his bedroom at the top of the stairs.

He thinks about all of these things as he gets dressed, wearing a dark brown cable knit sweater and a black cashmere coat. It isn’t until he finishes getting ready, stopping by his bathroom, before he finally goes downstairs to greet his mother at the dining room table.

There are two plates of food already placed, his mother waiting, giving him a thin smile as he approaches. ”Well, go on. Hurry and eat up before you make your father late. He’s leaving work to pick us up in the ministry car to see you off, but he needs to get back to the office in a timely manner. There was a duel between two goblins in downtown London that needs cover-up… Blew out the side of a residential building and the muggles are in an uproar.”

A portrait of Regulus’s great grandmother, who was positioned near the entrance to the dining room, gives a derisive cough. “I say leave it blown up… The Muggle scum deserved it.”

“I quite agree, Hesper,” Regulus’s mother says, starting to eat her eggs. “But they can’t know of us, so Orion does his job dutifully.”

“I don’t have much left to pack, anyways,” Regulus says, moving to sit down. “I’ve been waiting for this day my entire life, so I’m a little over prepared…” It’s hard to even worry, he’s so prepared. He knows exactly what happens when he gets to Hogwarts and he’s positive he’ll be in Slytherin.

“Nonsense,” his mother shakes her head. “There’s no such thing as over prepared. But, Regulus, we need to talk about your priorities when you get there. I don’t want any distractions, or assosiacting with blood traitors. I hope to be able to trust you, and not lose you like we did with your brother.” Her tone is brittle, but he can see in her eyes that even the thought of Sirius has made her upset. “If I hear of you fraternizing with any of those muggle-loving fools, I’ll bring you straight back home. Do you understand?”

Regulus stiffens, not eating for a moment as he glances up at his mother. “I understand. I’m only interested in my studies, anyway.” Truth be told, he’s never liked her iron grip, telling him what he can and can’t do. But he respects his family and doesn’t want to end up alone (or worse, in Azkaban) like Sirius. Besides, she knew better, didn’t she? And the Dark Lord was a powerful wizard with influence and a community; someone he wanted to be like.

So he finishes his breakfast as his mother rattles on about his first semester, thinking about all of the belongings he needs to put in his trunk before they depart.

His father arrives late in the ministry car afforded to him by being Head of the Department of Magical Accidents and Catastrophes. His mother ushers them all in, bickering with his father the entire way to King’s Cross. They just barely make it to the platform in time, his mother planting a kiss on his cheek and his father giving him an encouraging pat on the back before sending him on his way.

Regulus already knows what to do; pushing his trolley to the bricked barrier and running through it, magically appearing onto platform nine and three-quarters. The Hogwarts Express is exactly as he expected it to look; a large, red steam engine with billowing steam. There was a chattering crowd around him as other students said last minute goodbyes to their parents closer to the train, something that made Regulus jealous as he passed by. Instead, his father had been more concerned with his job, rushing back to the car to return to the ministry, as usual.

Compared to his family, formal and strictly business, a lot of these families seemed close almost. One girl clung to her mother in tears, as if she couldn’t bear to let her go for the term. There were animals everywhere, from cats wandering the platform to owls hooting in cages. Most everyone was starting to file onto the train, Regulus finally bringing in the rear.

Just as he reaches the stairs, he notices someone else struggling with their trunk, trying to get it up the steps. He can only see her back, but she’s wearing an orange sweater and a dark plaid skirt, matching her small brown boots. She has auburn curls and he can see flowers woven into them, which catches his interest.

Finally seeming to realize she was standing in the entrance for too long, she turns to look at him and he’s stunned into silence for a moment. She has the prettiest face he’s ever seen; a small, delicate chin, high cheek bones and big blue eyes that almost sparkle. Remembering he should probably say something, he quickly tries to cover up his reaction. “Hello,” he starts, almost nervously. This is the first person he’s spoken to that’s going to Hogwarts and isn’t from Grimswood like the Malfoys or Greengrasses or Rosiers. How was he supposed to know if she was from a pureblood family? He pushes aside the thought of his family, instead focusing on the present. “Let me help you with that,” he offers, stepping forward to take the trunk from her. His hand brushes hers as he takes the handle. Lifting it, he puts it on the top step before turning to get his own luggage so he can follow behind her. / @devcted

#Ⅰ. ⸻ / 𝑹.𝑨.𝑩. ( prose ) .#Ⅰ. ⸻ / 𝑹.𝑨.𝑩. ( 𝒇𝒆𝒂𝒕. bexley ) .#Ⅰ. ⸻ / 𝑹.𝑨.𝑩. ( canon thread ) .

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hamartia-grander · 1 year

Text

So I recently found out that the Sims 4 is free for download, and naturally I wanted to check it out because I was never allowed to play as a kid but I am an Adult now so I can do what I want. Then I got the brilliant idea to make as many Detroit: Become Human characters I cared to have and play that way, because I’m too impatient to try to learn how to play before I jump into something. So of course it has been a disaster and a learning curve. Here’s some key bits because. I mean this is too funny. I need to share it:

First off I spent way too much time designing each character because I’m a perfectionist and the Sims customisation interface was difficult for me to get down. But I figured it out and I think I did pretty good. I had to download some hair and outfit mods though.

I started out with three households: the Jericrew, the Kara fam, and the DPD gang (ft. all three Connor bros) but now I have five households: 1. Gavin, Kamski, and Nines, 2. The Jericrew + Chloe, 3. Kara fam, 4. Connor and Sixty, and 5. Hank and Cole.

Chloe joined the Jericrew because she and North started dating. Previously, she lived with Gavin, Kamski, and Nines. And I made Gavin and Kamski brothers ofc, but I also made Chloe their sister just so no funny business happened. Also I found out you can change their romantic/sexual preferences and technically make them aroace if you uncheck everything, so Kamski, Connor, and Kara are all aroace because I headcanon them as such. Also Gavin is trans bc I said so. I also found pride flags which was fun.

Kara fam is just perfect. They are the absolute best. I’m so glad I started with them but also I think they gave me too high of standards, because everyone else just sucks (affectionate). Everytime I go to the Kara fam household, they are all happy/fine/positive emotion, and they actually take care of themselves. I have full autonomy on, and yet I’ll come back to the Jericrew or DPD gang or whoever and find they haven’t fed themselves and the toilets are broken or something. It’s insane. Nines once started a fucking fire on his own. He’s level 6 in cooking. Connor fucking DIED while I was away but luckily I just reloaded a previous save and got him back but like what the FUCK. I don’t even know what he died from either lmao but he died in his bedroom so I can only imagine. Meanwhile Kara, Luther, and Alice are all perfect angels who could do no wrong and they clean their house and have safe kitchen practices and don’t die. I love them a lot. Alice does so well in school. She has many friends and one enemy, idk wtf went down there but it’s funny to me. Every good girl deserves a nemesis. Luther is a gamer, didn’t expect that to happen but it’s funny. Kara plays pranks on them???? But they laugh so it’s fine. Also Alice isn’t a scared little bitch baby like Cole, who can’t sleep a single night without waking up scared of the monster under the bed. Alice befriended hers.

So yeah I wasn’t going to initially make Cole, just have Connor Nines and Sixty be Hank’s only sons, but then Hank had the aspiration of wanting to start a family so I just decide to try adopting for him and there was a kid named “Anderson” which was so funny and I had to adopt him. But he’s a very weird kid, he’s like if Connor was an 8 year old. Like, gets good grades but is sad about not making friends, tries and fails to befriend the monster under the bed so he’s scared of it, he eats cereal at 3am, he sings to and talks to his stuffed unicorn. It’s adorable. I had no idea all of this was possible.

Oh yeah um. Another thing I had no idea about? Fucking “woohoo”. I knew what it was but I had no idea it was so graphic???? Like they fucking make noises???? I couldn’t even like look at my computer it’s ridiculous. I have to like leave and control another sim each time. Simon and Markus woohoo’d in North’s bed once (against my will) so I had to get her a new one because that’s fucking gross.

The couples will just randomly walk up to each other and kiss which is adorable but also annoying when like for example, I’m having the Connor bros + Gavin visit Hank and Cole and Gavin and Nines just start kissing in the middle of the living room. But then Cole has an adverse reaction to seeing them kiss and is all like disgusted by it, which is hilarious. The others will clap though??? Lmao

Oh my God Sixty flirted with Gavin once and Nines got pissed. Then CONNOR yelled at Sixty for betraying Nines. This game is the funniest thing in the world. Who came up with this.

North and Simon are best friends but like they kinda did that on their own. North will just go up to Simon and hug him randomly which is crazy to me bc she’s got the hothead trait and like will randomly yell at Josh or stomp around the house, but she sees Simon and just hugs him. It’s so cute. She flirts with Chloe unprompted too.

I love Markus to death in dbh. He’s one of my favourite characters. Sims Markus, however, is the Worst. He’s got the Friend of the World aspiration or whatever it’s called so he makes lots of friends, but then he’ll like say something mean and get people mad at him?? And obviously it’s in a sims language so idk wtf he says but for example, I introduced the Jericrew to the Kara fam and he got Luther mad at him. Idek how. And then he will mope around about not being recognised for his paintings but gets mad at me when I make him show off his paintings. Bitch what do you want from me. He took Simon on a date and it went really well, but as soon as it was over he fucked off and like did pushups in the park while Simon just stood there. He once spent $45 all at once by making himself three coffees in a row. What the hell. He also got mad at Simon for God knows what but then North yelled at Markus for it which was so funny. I had Josh ask Markus for encouragement once when he was sad, and Markus walked away. Idk if I’m just this bad at the game or if Sims Markus is bugged but it’s wild.

Josh adopted a kid when I wasn’t there. I was gone for twenty minutes and Josh adopted a kid and named him Antony. It was hilarious but also annoying bc there was literally no space for this kid so I had to rearrange the entire house, and they definitely couldn’t afford a whole Child but Josh didn’t care apparently. Full autonomy is fun but I didn’t realise they could do crazy things like adopt a child on their own. Poor Antony is also really scared of the monster under the bed but Josh has so far proven himself to be a terrible father in that, everytime his kid wakes him up to spray the monster under the bed, Josh gets up and then goes off and does something else, doesn’t even like check up on Antony it’s so annoying. Antony started waking up North instead, unprompted, and she helps him.

North made an enemy and, at first I encouraged it and had her fight the guy because it was funny, but now she’ll just be walking down the street and it is on sight with this poor fucker. She sees him across the street, runs over, and starts beating him up. It’s hilarious and I love her so much.

I gave the Jericrew a pool and had everyone invited over for a neighbourhood pool party to introduce them all to each other and Sixty swam into the road. I know it was a glitch but it was super funny. He just. Kept swimming. Into the road. And then swam back. Like he was in the road.

I gave Sixty the “villainous valentine” trait or whatever it’s called because I don’t ship him with anyone and he’s a drama queen so I thought it would be funny, but then he flirted with Josh and Josh reciprocated. I didn’t even make him do it. I had Sixty flirt with everyone who wasn’t in a relationship and it was Josh who liked it. I saw the little green hearts with the ++ above their heads and I was like. What. the fuck just happened. But anyways now Josh and Sixty like each other and I’m too much of a weak bitch to have Sixty cheat on Josh even though it’s his aspiration because I love Josh so idk what I’m gonna do there. I could change it I guess but also I doubt they’ll last lmao especially since I’m doing nothing to help them. It’s still funny tho. I guess I’ll update if anything changes?? If anyone even cares ab this lmao.

Oh also before that, I had Sixty homewreck the Goth marriage and then break up with Mortimer goth so he could get the two aspiration achievements from it, it was funny. Mortimer was a bitch to Connor too, so worth it. Also this family is definitely a Walmart brand Addams family lmao. Except the husband is nowhere near as devoted and loving of his wife obviously.

Luther is a really high level in the comedy skill and I didn’t do that myself so I guess he’s just naturally hilarious. He’ll be watching tv with Alice and I’ll see him say something and they both laugh, or he’ll joke with Kara while they cook dinner together and they both laugh and it is adorable. Then Alice will come home from school and go see Luther to tell him about her day and he listens and talks back he’s just the sweetest ever.

Simon and Markus’s wedding. Dear lord. I could make a whole separate post about it. It was pure chaos. Let me reiterate that I have absolutely no idea what I’m doing in this game. I’ve never played before and didn’t even know you could hold weddings without the special pack or whatever. Anyways, I had to redo their wedding three times. Three times. So their wedding happened four times because I don’t McFreaking understand this game’s antics.

The first time, I just was floundering and didn’t know how to do anything it was asking me to do. I invited all the other dbh characters but when we showed up at the park, which is where I held the wedding, everyone just wandered off and I had no idea how to get them to watch or anything. I wasn’t prepared with any resources either. It was a mess. Technically I succeeded in the event because I did get them married, but nothing else happened. So I reloaded the save and tried again.

The second time, I did it a little better, and I had actual tables and chairs and cookware prepared to make food/the cake/etc. I had a whole setup in Magnolia Park that actually looked pretty good. Plus it’s free if you build in the park which is double cool. But anyways I got about halfway through the event when I had Simon and Markus sit at the table with their guests to eat and socialise, and Elijah fucking Kamski flirted with Markus in front of Simon. Markus made a disgusted face and like waved him off, clearly not reciprocating the flirting, but for some reason the game still counted that as “cheating” even though Markus didn’t do anything??? Idk why tf that is but it’s dumb. Anyways, Simon is heartbroken because Markus “cheated” thanks to Kamski being a twat, and I didn’t think much of it til the event ended and I got everyone home and I realised that Markus and Simon’s romance bar had almost completely reset. Like it had the tiniest sliver of pink left. And their friendship bar was halved. Like Kamski fucking bulldozed their relationship when they were just married. And I spent a good hour working frantically to repair their relationship but it wasn’t going well and it was just even more of a mess, and NORTH decided she hated Markus now because he hurt Simon, it was just the worst. So I cheated a little again and went back to my save just before the wedding and started it over again.

The third time went the same as the second, except this time Luther flirted with Markus in front of Simon, and Markus fucking flirted back. I meant it when I said Sims Markus is the worst. He and Luther were good friends before the wedding bc I play with the Kara fam and Jericrew the most bc they’re my favourites, so that makes more sense than Kamski, but still!!! Markus sucks in the sims. Anyways, as soon as I saw that happen I learned my lesson and immediately restarted again.

The fourth and final time, I took away their autonomy. That fixed every problem. The wedding went smoothly, no one fucking flirted with Markus and ruined everything, and poor beloved Simon was so happy. Then when I sent everyone home I gave their autonomy back. Now, when it comes to certain other characters, I definitely wouldn’t have cared this much, but neither Markus nor Simon would ever be the type to cheat, so I don’t at all feel bad about going back and restarting each time, because that’s not who they are. And I’m lowkey pissed that other characters I’m not even controlling are able to flirt with characters I am controlling that are in relationships. Like dear lord, Luther would never. Kamski might. But Luther absolutely would not ever. It’s so crazy.

So anyways, I finally fucking got them married, everyone’s happy, I’m happy.

Connor is so sweet with Cole. It’s so cute. He reads to Cole and sprays the monster under the bed when Hank isn’t available to and he tag-teams with Cole to prank Gavin and it’s adorable. Oh also I gave Connor the mischief trait or whatever it is because he’s canonically a little shit and it’s funny. And his number one victim is definitely Gavin, close second is Sixty. He pranked Hank a few times but Hank didn’t like it so he stopped. He’s never pranked Nines though idk why. He’ll also just clean things and fix things without me telling him to. He’s a gamer too.

Nines decided he loved fitness on his own. He just does push ups in the kitchen. I’ll be playing as another household and see him jogging down the street. It’s kinda funny.

I was gonna have Nines propose to Gavin bc I think that’s how it would happen, but Gavin actually beat me to it.

North and Chloe are so fucking cute. North will just walk up to her and kiss her cheek or flirt with her and Chloe gets all blushy it’s adorable. North handed her a rose once on her own.

Dude some of these guys are idiots. Someone will be in the bathroom and they’ll just walk in and then be all like “I can’t unsee that!!” like bitch have you heard of knocking. Wtf. but apparently couples can use the bathroom or shower in front of each other no problem so at least I don’t have to worry about that.

I gave each of the Jericrew fireplaces in their rooms. Big mistake. Within five minutes, Simon and Josh caught themselves on fire. I took the fireplaces away immediately.

I gave North some knight armour stands in her room bc they’re cool as fuck and I think she’d like them, and she’ll just stare at the armour sometimes it’s funny.

I found out you can have male characters wear dresses if you remove the dumb “masculine” tag on their outfit choices and I spent at least ten minutes freaking out and salivating over Markus in a dress. GOD he looks so fine. Fuck. I gave Simon and Sixty dress options too bc I think they’d rock it and I’m right. Tempted to give everyone dress options actually. North wears a tux though, and her swimsuit is a one piece because I refuse to believe she’d ever wear anything that even slightly resembles the Eden Club “outfit”. She’s hot as fuck in a tux which is obvious.

I think that’s it but I’ll add on if anything else crazy happens. <3

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mikalara-dracula · 2 years

Note

Can I request some studying with s/o headcanons for Reiji please? Slightly nsfw too, if you don’t mind. Thank you so much. :)

I’m not the anon that asked for the Ruki s/o studying headcanons, btw, I’m a different person. XD

📚 Studying with Reiji—

Warning: 18+ content below; don't read if you're a minor and aren't comfortable with slight NSFW. This is a fictional work and should not be taken seriously.

Caution: Unfortunately, Tumblr has a history of admins quarreling over completing carbon copy asks due to users sending the same request(s) to multiple admins, thus, resulting in unintentional plagiarism. With this, please DO NOT send the same request to multiple blogs as it can cause unintended plagiarism discord to other blogs across Tumblr. The word “plagiarism” stems from the early 17th-century Latin word, “plagiarius,” meaning “kidnapper.” So please, do not send in the same request to multiple blogs and make admins appear to be “kidnapping” other people’s work when it isn’t their intention. If this is to occur with any of my posts, please contact me so we can work something out.

Hi there!

Thank you so much for requesting! You most certainly can request this. I'm so sorry this took forever. I still have so many requests to work on. I'm happy I was finally able to get to this one. Hope you enjoy reading it. Feel free to request again anytime! :)

📓 Damn, when it comes to studying with his s/o, Reiji’s pretty strict about things.

📓 He’s got a whole schedule paced out, such as what to study and at what time.

📓 Like, it can’t get more technical than that with him.

📓 In general, Reiji spends a lot of his time studying since he maintains perfect grades and won’t accept anything below 100%—so, this really contributes to his studying method(s).

📓 He’s a big-time perfectionist, so he expects you know your stuff since he doesn’t want you to fail.

📓 You two usually study at the school’s library or at the mansion, it really just depends on you and Reiji’s schedule.

📓 And you can bet that depending on where you two study, Reiji will act differently.

📓 Now you might ask, ‘what do you mean by that?’—well, let me enlighten.

📓 If you two are studying in the study room/library, he’s quite the gentleman, especially if there are other people studying in there as well.

📓 But, if it’s pretty vacant and there’s no one around you two, or there’s no one in the there at all, he’s going to get pretty playful—but not too playful since he fears a teacher/staff member might walk in.

📓 He maintains a pretty reserved persona, and only shows his vulnerable side with you—the last thing he wants are rumors going around school about him being frivalous.

📓 But trust me, seeing our bae Rei get flirty and playful is a rarity that should be treasured. ;))

📓 His brothers bother him if he’s studying at home, so he tries to study at the library most of the time.

📓 But at the same time, he doesn't really like studying at the library because he's out in public and can't be himself entirely, but he supposes it's better than not being able to study with you.

📓 It also gives him the chance to see you as well, and because you mean so much to him, he cherishes these moments with you since you're both learning together.

📓 Aww Rei :')).

📓 Now, let’s move on to what it’s like to study with him.

📓 If you're reading something, he'll move your hair out of your face to make it easier.

📓 Might even tie it up into a ponytail so it doesn't get in the way again, but this is all an excuse to touch your neck and expose your nape to him.

📓 Presses himself against you while you're writing problems on the board, to the point that you feel that he's grinding into you from behind.

📓 Likes to brush his leg up and down yours if he's sitting next to or across from you.

📓 Likes your focused gaze a lot, mostly because he finds it attractive how your hair frames your face while being so consumed in thought.

📓 Plus, he can imagine how focused you'd be in bed with your attentive expression.

📓 If you're wearing a shirt that slightly exposes your boobs, he honestly can't handle it.

📓 I swear the littlest bit of skin exposed to him is enough to drive him mad since it makes him get ideas.

📓 He's constantly sneaking sly glances in an attempt to look down your shirt if it's exposing a bit of your chest.

📓 And if you're wearing a shirt that exposes your shoulders, it's taking everything in him to not make a move and give you a hickie right then and there.

📓 Might even have a drink from your collarbone if you provoke him enough.

📓 Will scold you for not getting a problem right and tell you to 'focus'.

📓 Might smack a ruler against the table to wake you up if you doze off.

📓 Might even smack it against your ass (of course playfully and not in a way that hurts) to get you to yelp.

📓 And if it sounds sexual, he's so turned on by it since he loves hearing your pitiful cries when engaging in sexual behavior.

📓 He also likes to tease you while you're busy solving a problem, such as playing with your hair and then pretending it wasn't him.

📓 And he always has the biggest smirk on his face if you catch him messing with you that way.

📓 "Reiji, I'm trying to do the problem."

📓 "Then stop tempting me."

📓 Will make you tea for the study sessions, a brew he believes will be essential to the studying process.

📓 However, if he wants to be an ass, he'll slip something in there to make you aroused for no apparent reason—leading you to orgasm even though you're not being stimulated.

📓 I mean, this bastard would have no trouble slipping a substance to make this happen. He’s got a thing for giving his partner orgasmic tea. Right, @liannelara-dracula ?

📓 And he of course is able to tell what's happening due to you crossing your legs together in an uncomfortable manner and that you seem to be off due to feeling that way.

📓 He has the subtlest smirk on his face and honestly hopes that you give in and take him on the spot.

📓 He'll definitely get a kick out of this since he can then accuse you of being needy for him when he's the one doing all this.

📓 Might give subtle tugs to your skirt while you're writing things on the board to throw you off and pretend he was doing something else beside you.

📓 This will go on for a little bit until you eventually catch on and scold him, leading him to chuckle deviously.

📓 While you're reading, he might even crane your neck in his direction and anchor you in for a random kiss.

📓 He might push things further and turn into a makeout session if he feels he needs a break from studying before getting back to it.

📓 He also likes it if you screw up and answer a question wrong, mostly because it gives him the excuse to correct/lecture. He likes the feeling of being in control.

📓 But, if you tease him by slipping off his glasses while he’s lecturing you, he doesn’t know how to take it.

📓 And if you pull him for a kiss, he wastes no time by pinning you against a nearby wall and intensifying the moment.

#diabolik lovers #diabolik lovers headcanons #reiji sakamaki #sakamaki reiji #diabolik lovers reiji #anime #anime requests #anime headcanons #diaboys #dialovers #diahell #diabolik brothers

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duncanstewartsblog · 17 days

Text

Sweet Bean

Going from horror to this film was an absolute trip and a half but at the same time that’s what’s great about cinema and how the two can coexist with one another. But to start getting into the film I just wanted to say how crushing it was to see Tokue be fired from the job purely because of her past with leprosy. This kind older woman reminded me a lot of my grandmother so it made me think a lot about her throughout and I’m happy I still have her around but I can’t imagine not knowing I could visit her or she didn’t get to do everything she wanted to do in life. The ending of Tokue saying that she was just happy for the time that she got to spend doing what she liked made me really sad and grateful for the time I have on earth as well. It sounds kind of cheesy but I truly do feel this way as I really do think this movie had some good messages about enjoying the place you are in even if it may be hard. Especially as a college student the world can seem caving in on you sometimes but you have to take a step back sometimes and realize it's not all about me and there’s more to life than this. Do what you want to do in life and enjoy it, it will take effort and lots of hard work to get there but at the same time that’s something to look forward to. I really liked this film a lot more than I expected to and I think these types of films get overlooked a lot because there is quite a few of them that may teach the same message over and over again but at the same time why is it a bad thing to learn the message of kindness and to enjoy life necessarily a bad thing. My one negative to the film though however was the inclusion of the school girl because I think she did have some importance to the overall story but at the same time I just felt like she wasn’t absolutely needed and was more brought in to just move the story along and find story details out which is yeah I guess understandable but at the same time it just seemed unneeded, I don’t know. Overall, this was a nice palette cleanser before getting to the final films of this semester but it’s nice to feel all kinds of warm inside after a film after feeling kind of hopeless after the last two films and especially after watching those god awful American remakes. So, definitely go watch this film.

Grade: B

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lotusmi · 1 year

Note

Hi! I hope your day is going well. My sister has a mental disorder which is ruining her life. She never comes out of room, her grades are horrible and she might get kicked out of school, she went selectively mute, she has very low self esteem and the list goes on. I really wanna help her. I want to manifest that her mental disorder goes away but I want her to also learn her lesson. I know what she is going through this for a reason so she can grow but the situation has just gotten worse and I wanna know what affirmations I could use that could manifest her recovery from this mental disorder and that she learns the lesson the universe is trying to teach her and grows into a better version of herself. I really just want her to be happy and love herself. Some things I would want to manifest for her are clear skin, mental disorder recovery, learns self love, learns about the law of assumption community , makes some friends and gets good grades. I’m still mastering the art of manifesting, I’ve manifested a couple stuff like clear skin and a desired scenario but im currently working on my self concept to manifest better. So I would like to know some affirmations or of a method I could use to manifest for my sister?thank you for reading this! Have a wonderful day! Sending lots of love and light 💕🌈💕🌈💕💗🌈💗🌈💕🌈

aww this ask is too sweet 💗💗You such a kind person🥺

look, manifesting is all about doing your rules, but you can affirm, visualize, use subs or whatever you want~ at the end of the day you only have to know your desires are already yours and assume it's done. You can affirm "I'm so happy my sis is healthy and happy", imagine her telling you how she is happy and how everything is going well, imagine yourself telling your friends how you are hapy for her, imagine you both together doing things together, "I am so happy because my sis is living her best life" "isn't it wonderful?" "My sis is always peace and happy" etc etc. Just decide it's done and that's itt 💕

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the-unheardvoices · 5 months

Text

Small Talk with Ayfie

Ayfie is an entrepreneur who currently lives in Suzhou, China. She is the owner of Ankh Hairdressing, a brand with two storefronts located in the SIP region. A woman of her early forties, time has left no distinguishable markings on her face. Her hair is worn short, an ever-changing kaleidoscope of colors. This time, brown. The next, yellow. She bustles around the small rectangle of Ankh’s main store with a pair of hairdressing scissors hanging at her waist, assistants following her beck and call. The door opens, and, like hearing the tinkle of a wind-chime, Ayfie looks up, smiling.

In retrospect:

Claire: You always have a smile ready when someone opens the door.

Ayfie: I think that’s part of the appeal, isn’t it? That’s what our store is, really. We’re telling our customers that we’re ready for them, that we’re happy to see them, again and again and again—every time. That’s why they come back.

Before: Claire—panting, out-of-breath, and late by ten minutes—rushes into Ankh Hairdressing, rattling the door open with her elbow. Ayfie looks up from where she is sorting through a box of deliveries and smiles. She asks what Claire is looking to do with her hair today.

Claire: Redying my hair—my roots have grown in. Sorry I’m late.

Ayfie: That’s alright. Take a seat and I’ll be with you in a minute.

Claire sits down on a comfortable chair facing a vanity desk. She fidgets. The room is warm and fluorescent light haloes her surroundings. She hasn’t visited the store in months. Ayfie spreads open a book with numerous rows of colored hair-strands taped in, and asks Claire to choose her new hair color.

Claire: Maybe brown, again? I’m not sure.

Ayfie: What about lighter brown? It’s a warm color scheme, pleasant for winter weather.

Claire: That sounds good.

Ayfie nods and motions for one of her assistants to get the appropriate hair dye. She stands by where Claire is sitting.

Ayfie: It’s been a while since I’ve seen you here. Your mom, too. And your sister.

Claire: Yeah, I’ve—been busy. I’m in eleventh grade now, so I’m applying for university soon. I was in the US during the summer.

Ayfie: Wow, eleventh grade. I can’t believe you’re growing so quickly. The first I saw you, you were still a kid.

Claire: Time flies.

Ayfie’s assistant lathers dye into Claire’s hair. She does so carefully, her fingers plucking through each strand like she is fingering the teeth of a comb.

Claire: Actually, Ayfie, I wanted to ask you something. About being an entrepreneur, I mean. I’ve been having thoughts about business school, but… I’m not really sure how the whole entrepreneur thing really works, like how it can be taught as a course. It’s always something that seemed kind of intrinsic to me. It’s like, entrepreneurship is one of those things. You’re born with it, or you’re not.

Ayfie: Well, first, people aren’t born to be entrepreneurs. People aren’t born to be anything. Really, a person’s environment plays a big part in what people would christen an ‘entrepreneurship spirit.’ I was interested in sales when I was a kid, and I liked the idea of selling things, so I sold things. It was fun. I liked exploring flea markets—I used to go to them every week when I was in Japan—so I went. I don’t necessarily agree with the idea of learning how to be an entrepreneur in a business school. I never went to business school, for one. But I think that gaining an education is useful, just so you can have something to build off of.

Claire: You studied hairdressing in Japan, right?

Ayfie: Yeah, I did. Well—that’s not entirely true. I first went there for an exchange program in high school, but it was for hotel management, not hairdressing. I was eighteen. I stayed in Japan to do a hairdressing course at a vocational school after.

Claire: So hairdressing wasn’t something you were always interested in? For some reason I thought you’d always been interested. It’s hard to imagine you doing something else.

Ayfie: Actually, no. I only got interested in hairdressing after going to Japan. It’s a funny story. I was at a hot-springs hotel working, and in one of my break-times I decided to go get a haircut. There was a store nearby, one that looked cute. It was run by a girl. I went in and had her cut my hair short, just like a Japanese actress who was popular at the time. The glint of hairdressing scissors at the girl’s waist drew my eye. I remember thinking to myself that I wanted to wear that myself, that the girl was incredibly cool, and I wanted to be just like her. A petty reason, really. But it drove me to go to vocational school and get a hairdresser’s license in Japan, and open up my own shop here, so maybe it’s not such a small reason after all.

Claire’s hair is gathered into a bun by Ayfie’s assistant, who then places a plastic cap onto it.

Ayfie: It’ll take about thirty minutes.

Claire: Alright. That’s so cool, though. A small reason, maybe, but you made it into something bigger. How come you came back to Suzhou, though? If what started it all was in Japan.

Ayfie: I worked in Japan for a few years, but when I was twenty five I got pregnant. In Japan, hairdressers work in a position where they’re constantly leaning towards the side, and the doctors said it wasn’t good for the baby, so my husband and I returned to China. I didn’t start Ankh until later—after giving birth, I worked in Shanghai for a Japanese hairdressing magazine, but office life didn’t suit me. I sold off a house under my name to purchase Ankh’s storefront, and that’s the real start of it.

Claire: You sold your house—wow. Weren’t you scared? I mean, what if you failed?

Ayfie: That’s the thing about entrepreneurship, isn’t it? If you’re scared, it’ll never happen. I was scared, of course, but starting Ankh was almost like a river flowing to its natural, predestined ending. Some people are suited for office work. I’m not one of them.

Ayfie leads Claire to the hair-washing basin, where Claire lies down and Ayfie’s assistant washes her hair. Claire closes her eyes, taking in the heat of water, the massaging of shampoo into her hair.

Claire: I guess some people are born for entrepreneurship, then. Or at the very least, it’s something that they’ve learned. But—how to be successful? That’s been a pressing question for me recently. I keep thinking that, well, I’ll learn nothing if I go into business. That I’m set up for failure. How did Ankh become what it is?

Ayfie: You know, it’s more luck than anything. That’s what’s really important, unfortunately. Of course, I had my knowledge of Japanese hairdressing to fall back on when starting Ankh—I did some things differently from Chinese hairdressing, like different pricing strategies or opening and closing times, which was unique. But it was luck. Ankh opened at a time when social media became a thing, and there were a bunch of emerging social media stars—they looked for stores to visit and gave their honest opinions on how the stores were. Ankh was one of the first Japanese-style hairdressing stores in Suzhou, and a lot of people followed the influencers—who acted as free promotion—to try it out. What I’m trying to say is that there isn’t really an answer, not in the way I’d like to give you. You might become successful if you learn business, but you might not. But that’s not the attitude you should go into business with, if it’s something you’re interested in. It’s not about success. It’s about knowing what you want, and having an open mind. I’m not good at advertising, for example, and I’ve never hired an advertising team for Ankh. It’s something that’s not great. We mainly rely on old customers. But I try to figure it out myself—I set myself things I’ll do every day, like posting a picture of a customer’s haircut on Wechat moments without fail. Maybe it’ll work, and maybe it won’t, but I’m doing it, and I’ll keep on doing it. Consistency is key.

Claire gets up and walks to a seat after the basin’s water-tap turns off. Ayfie takes out a hair dryer. Hot wind blows past Claire’s hair. It is so loud she can barely hear herself.

Claire: I wish there was an answer. I don’t know what I’m doing, really. I’m going to university soon, and I still don’t have a clue. I wish I knew what I wanted, like you. I wish I was consistent.

Ayfie: That’s okay. Nobody knows who or what they want to be. I mean, I only figured out that I liked hairdressing when I was eighteen. I didn’t open Ankh until I was in my thirties. You have all the time in the world. Slow down, and let yourself exhale.

Claire: Thank you, Ayfie. I really appreciate you saying that—it means a lot. Really. I guess business school is still on the table, and I don’t need to decide if I want to go or not right now.

Ayfie: Of course! Now’s the time to look at your new hair color. It’s lighter than before. Do you like it?

Claire: Yes, I do.

Ayfie takes out a camera and spins Claire around so that her side faces the lens. Ayfie smiles. Three, two, one, she mouths. Claire smiles. The camera shutter draws down.

#writing #journalism #interview magazine #entrepreneur #mundane #theunheardvoices #hairdresser #story #college

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x0401x · 2 years

Note

may you please elaborate more on the kaisei part you just mentioned im so eager to read the LN now hh

By God, I sure as hell can. I’m just gonna dump the whole scene here under the cut, because I’m sure not everyone would believe me if I just wrote a summary of it. Even I couldn't believe my own eyes when I read this shit for the first time.

Just to give some context, the scene takes place at a theme park where people could interact with dogs and cats. The whole club was there, including Masaki, but they scatter to enjoy the attractions in small groups. Masaki tags along with the first-years to keep an eye on them. Minato, Ryouhei and Nanao go straight to the first circle and dive into a sea of puppies. The girls head to a corner with trained dogs, where Yuuna takes a video of Rika petting one of them. And then there’s Seiya and Kaito, who decide to go see a dog runway for large dogs. One of the dogs gets cozy with Seiya and that’s where this bullshit begins.

Ayano Kotoko really knows how not to give a single flying fuck.

“That one sure is clingy. Ain’t it heavy?”

“I’m used to it, so it’s fine. But I’ll have to take a shower before going home. Kuma will find out that I was getting friendly with other dogs if the smell stays on me.”

“Where are you gonna take that shower?”

“Minato’s place. I’ll go in from the back door so that Kuma won’t notice.”

“You’ll be mistaken for some buglar.”

“This always happens, so there’s no problem.”

Someone blew a whistle. The dogs sled to their feet and went into their hut. The song was “Greensleeves”.

English lyrics: Alas, my love, you do me wrong Greensleeves was all my joy Greensleeves was my delight

Japanese translation: Ah, my love, you're such a cruel one Greensleeves, you were my joy Greensleeves, such merry days I was happy just being by your side

Invited by nostalgia, scenes that one both would and would not want to remember came to mind. The two went into the shade to avoid the sun. Heat-haze rose from within the grass.

“I just recently learned something; the Bernese Mountain Dog has a short lifespan even in comparison to other dogs, and apparently, there’s a Swiss proverb that goes, ‘Three years a young dog, three years a good dog and three years an old dog... all else is a gift from God’. The Ainu people call bears ‘kamuy’ – ‘gods’. I accidentally named a short-lived dog ‘Bear’ and kept it by my side. This had me thinking that ignorance is such a scary thing.”

“There ain’t any problem with that, y’know? Some grade school brat gave his pet a name that sounded strong. The Ainu people saw strong bears as gods. Isn't that all there is to it? Unlike in the past, medicine is advanced now. You’re just overthinking too much stuff.”

“Fuh, you’re right. Hey, Kaito.”

“Hm?”

“Ah... it’s almost time for lunch. Let’s go back to the meeting spot.”

Under the sunlight filtered through foliage, red shoes chased after blue ones.

I don’t know if it’s okay to catch up to you, since you’re so full of secrets. Is it selfish of me to want to know what’s burdening you, or to hope that you’ll share the load with me, even if just a little bit of it?

A cool breeze blew past the two, who at some point started walking side by side.

Okay, this scene needs a break-down.

On one side, you have some very obvious stuff, like Kaito’s thoughts about Seiya. His actions have been screaming “rely on me, goddamn it” since volume 1. No news here. Did I ever imagine we’d get it thrown in our faces word by word, coming from Kaito himself? Absolutely the fuck not.

Now, the rest leaves a lot of questions. Why did Seiya bring up the topic of Kuma’s name all of a sudden, and why at a moment when he’s all alone with Kaito instead of when everyone’s together? Why did the song in the background have to be Greensleeves? Why

the fuck

did it have to be such a suggestive part of the song?

Ayano. Fucking answer me, Ayano.

The first thing that got me about this moment is that there’s a Japanese version paired to the original English. Although I wouldn’t call it an accurate translation, I think the Japanese one hits closer to home when it comes to the author’s intention in picking this song (or else, it wouldn’t even be here). These specific verses wouldn’t be used without purpose in the first place, and literally all of it matches with the story.

“You’re such a cruel one”? Yeah, Seiya is indeed a cruel person. Not in the sense that he’s ill-intentioned or mean-spirited (far from it, actually), but in the sense that he doesn’t have any mercy when it comes to protecting what’s important to him. He doesn’t play fair and ends up hurting people in the process (even the very people he’s trying to protect), but he’s fully aware of that. It’s a price he’s willing to pay.

“I was happy just being by your side” reminds me a lot of volume 1, when Kaito was a hair’s breadth away from uncovering the whole truth about what happened in middle school and Seiya’s real intentions, but decided to leave it alone because it wouldn’t be of help for anyone if he knew. Back then, it really felt like just being by Seiya’s side and watching things unfold was enough for him.

But then again, even the English version of the lyrics hits bull’s-eye, ‘cause let’s be honest, Seiya did do Kaito a lot of wrong at the beginning. From blatantly ignoring Kaito to lying through his teeth with a straight face and throwing shade at every opportunity. We really saw it all, lol.

So yeah. Without a doubt, “my love” refers to Seiya. From Kaito’s point of view.

And like.

Why. In the fuck.

Why in all the nine fucks would you use that term for two guys who are supposed to be friends?

ALSO, WHAT THE FUCK WAS SEIYA GOING TO SAY. WHY DID YOU CUT HIM OFF THERE. WHY DOES EVERY SCENE IN THIS GODFORSAKEN SERIES CUT OFF WHEN IT REACHES PEAK GAY.

I just wanna talk, Ayano. I just wanna fucking talk.

This book feels like the author channeled everything the readers have been thinking into one volume and then added some more juicy stuff to it because why the fuck not.

I just... love the way that there’s literally nowhere else to run? Like, no matter how you try to look at it, Seiya is the one “my love” is referring to, and the rest is about his and Kaito’s relationship. It’s not even debatable at all.

Am I saying that Kaito is in love with Seiya? No. But can I say for sure that he isn’t? Also no. This is the magic of Tsurune. The gay is heavy as fuck and the author doesn’t let you find excuses for it.

What I mean by this wall of text is that we now can associate a sentence as straightforward as “alas, my love” with Kaito and Seiya. In canon.

Thank you, Ayano. Fuck you, Ayano.

But mind you, this isn’t the worst of all. There’s a lot going on in volume 3. A whole fucking lot.

“That’s every volume of Tsurune” NO YOU DO NOT UNDERSTAND

#tsurune #tsurune kazemai koukou kyuudoubu #kyoani #takehaya seiya #onogi kaito #kyoto animation #look forward to the whole thing being translated guys #this novel really just gets more hardcore with every new release

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tarantinolovesmyfeet · 2 years

Text

Thunder Struck

Life to Eddie was weird; he was still in school; he was still around people he never thought he would be around. The same people last year that looked at him weird; still do minus one. And he wonders if one person is all he needs to keep him sane. Eddie X OFC (Pining at Steven Harrington but blast from the past. Light mentions of Billy. Why Eddie Munson, pining more or less Eddie Munson)

Hawkins was always a weird place. Your first year here, you moved as a new comer with a single mom. I was instantly different from everyone else, but it didn’t matter. You instantly got a job as a baby sitter for the Wheelers and made some friends in school. made the girls' swim team; had an insane crush on Steve, but then things got weird.

It's so weird.

Eleven, the upside-down, and everything else you could imagine. All of a sudden, your normal life was twisted. Seeing Billy die and Hopper gone, it’s even more weird.

“You know, Mike, you don’t need a baby sitter.” You said back to him, eating ice cream, sitting in the backyard in a bikini. “You’re about to be in the ninth grade.”

“I know, but my mom said Nancy won't watch us and we are going to do a DND campaign. And it’s not the same without Will. Can’t you help? ”

“Me? I barely knew my ass to my elbow in that game. ”

"Yeah, but Dustin will help.” He was staring at you with those puppy eyes. "Please, Esmeralda.”

You sighed deeply before rolling your eyes. “Fine! But I’m too old for this shit. I’m going to be a senior. ”

“I know, I know. Thank you. Thank you.” You smiled at him; you were always happy to make time for Mike. He was like your own little brother, and you always treated him as such. You did with all of them. Even Max, even though she’s been kind of pushing everyone away, but you get it, her brother did die and not a normal death. Life moved on like no one cared about the “mall fire” anymore, and sometimes even you wondered if it was normal how society just forgot about it and moved on.

As summer went on, you learned more about DND than ever, which Nancy was confused as to why you bothered, but you waved her off. You were getting better at drums, which your mother, bless your mother, was happy about, as was Robin. Steve, on the other hand, was still wrapped up in every girl he met. It's just your typical normal Hawkins summer.

“Since you’ve been such a good kid this summer, especially after everything, you're still hanging out with the Wheeler kid.”

“Mike is awesome, mom. Also, him and his sister don’t get along too well, so... I’m kind of stepping into that role. ”

Your mother ignored you; your mother, Rosa, was a free spirit. She lived by her own design and didn’t give you too many rules. She said you needed to spread those wings, which you never understood because you weren’t a shy child, but you chose to go along with her moods. Rosa was a 5'1", sun-kissed, wildly curly-haired latina who wore bangles up and down her arms while listening to Cher on repeat.

“I dig that. Very thoughtful of you, Ezzy.” She said, "Smile back at you as she smoked her cigarette." But with that being said, I thought, why not give me and my sweet, loving child a surprise?”

“What do you mean?” You asked, eyes wide with curiosity and anxiety.

Your mother has been known to give you surprises you didn’t care for. She once gave you a gold fish, but by the time you got it, it was dead; she was deeply sorry, but then gave you a speech about life and death.

“Come on, follow me, don’t be a square.” "She said with a laugh as you rolled your eyes."

You followed your mother's long flowing skirt out of the house, as you peered over her, as you could see how you were 5’4. You gasped loudly to see an old Chevy. It didn’t look in good shape, but you didn’t care as you squealed running towards it. No more bike rides all over town; you liked the idea of being able to get somewhere in five minutes rather than 20 to 30.

“Mom! How did you do it? ” "You said back to her as she smiled over to you."

“My dear Esmeralda," I could tell you the story or you can enjoy the car. ” She smiled and you knew there was a story, but you didn’t want to know. But tomorrow is a school night and I may not have rules for much, but sleep? It is important for your body and health, so go to bed. ”

“Mom... it's seven o'clock.”

“Exactly.” She said over to you, turning you around to go back to the house. “You need to take a shower, get ready, be in bed, journal, or whatever it is you do to rest your mind, so you can have a good night’s rest.”

You shook your head as she kept pushing you further and further away from the car. You pouted as you watched your car disappear as you went into the house. You groaned but listened to your mother; she’s right, she didn’t ask for much, but when she did, you followed her orders.

In the morning, you were excited to be at school; you couldn’t wait to show off your car. You quickly came down the stairs as your mom raised an eyebrow.

“Not that I care about school rules, but you’re allowed to wear a crop top?”

“Uh, I’m wearing a denim jacket?” You said it back to her with a shoulder shrug as she scrunched her face at you.

“I am not bringing you clothes.” She said it back with a laugh and a head shake as you shrugged your shoulders. “See yah, kid.”

“Bye mom!”

You never jumped into a car so fast as you peeled out and instantly drove to pick up Robin. When Robin saw your car, she instantly gasped and ran towards it.

“Did you hot wire a car?” She said, looking over at you before you peeled off.

“No, what the fuck? What am I, Munson? ” You said it as a joke, and you both laughed.

You knew it wasn’t nice to mention anything about crime and Munson but you were only kidding. Munson, as you know, was a guy who kind of hung out with his own friends. He’s in some weird group you figured was his band, but you never really had interaction with Eddie; just a lunch room you shared really. You hung out with your own friends, which were Robin and Steve. Also, last year was kinda hectic and you didn’t have time for anyone else to be around you or your life.

"Robin, you know you should ask her out.” You said it with a smile. “I mean, I’ll beat her up if she tries anything.”

“Ezzy!” She laughed while rolling her eyes. “No, what? She’s totally straight. ”

“And what does Steven say?” Robin rolled her eyes back at you before sulking.

“He said she likes girls.”

“Okay, and when has Steven been wrong?” As soon as the words left your mouth, instantly, both of you started laughing. “I mean about that.”

“He was wrong about you.” She said as you shrugged your shoulders back to her.

“I’m not Nancy, and it’s fine that the ship has sailed.” Your focus was on the parking spot that was next to a large van. You didn’t question it since it was school parking lot; probably a drug dealer.

“So Billy had it right and Steven didn’t.” Robin said to you, causing a scoff to come out of your mouth.

“Billy was obsessed with one thing only, and I didn’t even like him.” You slammed the door shut as you stared over at the school. “You think this year is going to be different?”

Robin looked at the school with you as she sighed deeply before putting her arm around you. You smiled gently at her as you both walked towards school with half of your core group missing. It left an ache in your chest, but you simply ignored it. If not, you would fall into a dark place, and you couldn’t have that. You turn your head around to look back at your car as you see Eddie pop out of the car next to you. You saw the smoke puffing out, causing you to shake your head as a soft smile graced your face. As you watched Eddie shake his hair wildly, he stopped just in time to see you looking at him. He stopped to look back at you, catching your eye. You felt a sudden jolt go up your back, almost as if you had been shocked, almost woken up from a dream.

Eddie Munson He looked at you with a smile on his own face and a slight pink in his cheeks. He nodded his head to you as you winked and turned back to look at the school.

Maybe this year will be different after all.

Eddie heard you before he saw you; your voice rang out, snatching up his attention. Of course he knew about you, as did the majority of the nerds.Eddie wasn’t a nerd. He was a metalhead, and he knew about you. Attracting your attention; at first, everyone wanted to know her because she was new, but once she didn't fit in with a clique and just talked to everyone, you knew she was cool.Then you saw her crush on Steve Harrington, and you knew you never had a chance. Once a girl had a crush on Steve, he was no longer available, because you and Steve were nothing alike. She joined the swim team, and you knew for sure she was officially off limits. Sport chicks, and you were a no-go. So you pined from afar, and sure, there were plenty of other girls in Hawkins. But when Billy came along and followed Esmeralda, you knew she wouldn’t want you at all.

You would watch her at the pool; you know, it's kind of creepy, but you couldn’t help it. You know, Eddie Munson had a crush on a girl who was unattainable. She had such long legs that you would watch under the shade as she watched everyone else. She had to be good at swimming if she was a life guard. You thought this as she sat on her tower, looking like a sun-kissed goddess, her hair down at times and ringlets curling around her face.making her look even more divine and stunning; and other times, her hair back with gloss on the lips, making her full lips even fuller.The bathing suit was a tight one-piece and the red looked so good on her skin. It was enough to drive you mad. She didn’t even know what she did to you, as her eyes were hidden behind shades.

Sometimes you would hear her sing some Rolling Stones and think it was weird because she seemed like a Madonna girl, but you listened to her voice; a little hoarse, almost had a smoky feel, and it caused goose bumps on your skin.

Eddie thought of her day and night, a crush that he knew would go nowhere. So when he saw her parked next to him and heard her laughter and declared she didn’t even like Billy. You wondered if there was a chance even now. You got out of the car when she was further away than right there at your fingertips. You got out of the car a little bit high and nervous. You see, Eddie watched her walk towards the school with Robin by her side. Your gaze shifted from her shoes to her long legs, catching a glimpse of the curve of her ass. Before looking up at her, you bit your lip as you noticed how good her butt was. Her curls were big and wild. He smiled, seeing it; he shook his head to get the image of her body out of his mind. He felt her.

Eddie felt Esmeralda's eyes on him and when he looked back, there was instant eye contact. Your heart skipped a beat and your stomach dropped; her smile remained on her face as you attempted to return it. You saw something flicker in her eyes before she winked.

“Maybe she’s right after all,” Eddie said as he watched her walk into the school. “Maybe this year will be different.”

Chapter 2

#Eddie Munson #stranger things s4 #eddie munson x oc #stranger things season four #eddie my beloved #eddie munson st4 #eddie stranger things #st4 #Stanger things #stranger things netflix #Latina female original character #I’ve already written the middle of chapter two and I know ain’t nobody gonna care cause it doesn’t have smut #lol smut will be coming but damn give it a second #also I’m not a good writer so that’s it as well #shy Eddie Munson #pining Eddie Munson

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two-am-outlines-only · 2 years

Text

At the Last Second

Summary: Inspired by Snowing in Venice by Elizaveta. In an attempt to get as far away from their hometown as possible, Janus decides to go to college in Venice, Italy. Roman is conflicted over his feelings about it and doesn’t know what to say until the last second.

Warnings: asthma mention.

Ships: Janus x Roman, Rociet

Word Count: 1, 985

AO3 Link

Maybe my song, isn’t happy enough but I I see it take flight with the snowflakes above My coffee gets cold, as I’m staring enthralled At the snow that keeps falling outside

-----

Roman snuck another glance at Janus when they thought he wasn’t looking, seeing him still smiling slightly and nodding along to whatever song was on that Roman couldn’t concentrate on right now because they were looking at Janus. It wasn’t as if this was a new occurrence, they looked at Janus all the time. When he took half assed notes during class, pushing his soft, straight hair out from in front of his eyes with practiced impatience. When he glided along beside Roman on his skateboard while they tried desperately to keep their eyes on the sidewalk lest they flip over the handlebars of their bike. When he walked towards them with that signature crooked smile, straight backed but casual and always ready with some biting quip they would both laugh at. And now- when he was driving to the airport for college, Roman sat beside him destined to waste away in the small town they had grown up in, alone and forgotten.

Admittedly that was dramatic even for them but it felt true all the same. Roman had never really gotten along with Janus until high school hit, when Roman had actually started looking away from their own little bubble and out towards everyone else’s. For the life of them they couldn’t imagine why they had ever been enemies. Janus was smart, scarily so sometimes, often getting into debates (arguments) with Logan and Virgil in any given class and always seeming to have just the right phrase or quote or research paper handy to pull up on his phone that drove his points across. He could sing, though Roman didn’t admit they had heard him while he painted the theater sets one day until many months later; his beautifully haunting baritone filling the theater as if he was the only one ever meant to sing in it. He was also incredibly caring, helping Roman through rough patch after rough patch and letting Roman do the same for him. They had become nearly inseparable from ninth grade on but now-

Janus had always been smart and always wanted to move as far away from their hometown as possibly- namely his family but that was another topic entirely. Roman had helped him research colleges when they were in eleventh grade, jokingly saying that with all his dramatics and flair he should go to Paris to study, citing it as a place to find the romanticism he always put into everything anyway. Learning he had taken that to heart as a possibility to get even further away, eventually enrolling in and getting accepted not to anywhere in Paris, but instead Venice, Italy had nearly torn Roman in two. They had been so incredibly happy for and proud of their friend but they selfishly wished he had stayed just a little bit closer. Roman dreamed of a teaching job, somewhere they could help out in the creative department helping kids like them come out of their shell and discover new talents and passions. They didn’t need to go overseas for that- they didn’t want to and was in the process of preparing to move a state over to go to a community college to start out that path.

So Janus was moving thousands of miles away for who knew how long (four years at least) and Roman would then only be furthering that gap with his own move, leaving them to letters and skype calls as the primary source of communication rather than their trips to the cake shop or late night talks at the local park. And Roman knew that should be enough, but he was already missing the weight of Janus’ hand in their own and his warmth at their side during movie marathons and their smile and laugh and stupid, sarcastic sense of humor. They snuck another glance over but realized with a start Janus was looking at them, his hand off the wheel and- when had the car stopped? They couldn’t possibly be there already could they?

But they were, and Janus was looking at them with that all knowing look that always infuriated Roman to no end but he said nothing, instead reaching over and squeezing their hand before moving to get out of the car. The airport wasn’t really that far away from their town, just an hours drive to the edge of the city but Roman still felt they had just wasted it pouting instead of actively being there for their best friend. Janus wouldn’t say anything though, he probably knew how Roman was feeling before they knew themself but the knowing silence was somehow worse, filling the space between them that was about to get so much longer with too many words and not enough time to say them. Nevertheless they grabbed up a bag and smiled at the other, shutting the trunk after him and following to the waiting area. They had made good time, having a little over an hour to waste before Janus would have to board, which Roman had previously been ecstatic about but now it meant they might actually have to talk and they didn’t think they’d have the common sense to keep their mouth shut when it came to how they actually felt about him leaving.

“Roman, did you leave my medical bag in the car?” Janus’ concern pulled them out of their head as they looked around where they had decided to sit, sure it had been among the things they had picked up but they didn’t notice the unmistakable bright orange anywhere.

“I’ll go check, you stay with the bags so they don’t get stolen.” Janus nodding to give them the go-ahead had them turning on their heel and hurrying back towards the parking garage, twirling the keys around their finger as they went.

One thorough search of the car later and Roman was frantically texting Janus that they must have left it at the house, though how either of them had managed it they couldn’t fathom.

Roman: I’ll just drive back and get it. Text you when I find it.

Janus: Hold on, let me get there since you left me with ALL THE BAGS

Roman: It’ll be faster if I just go. Let me be the dashing prince to rescue your trip!

Roman started the car up and quickly put it into reverse, not really thinking about practically stealing Janus’ car from him. Their phone buzzed from the passenger seat as he glanced in the rear view before pulling out completely, wincing as he saw Janus standing there where the car had just been parked. Several buzzes later and the car fell silent, making them bite back a laugh at the ridiculousness of the situation. They had wanted an out from the tense hour that waiting for the flight would have been, they just wished it had been something a bit more low stakes than forgetting a bag with Janus’ EpiPen and inhaler inside. Settling further down into the seat they concentrated hard on the road, praying there wouldn’t be any traffic.

-----

Ten minutes.

Roman practically face planted on their way out of the car, swinging the bag up in triumph of finding it or fear of breaking it they didn’t know and was too busy to think about at the moment. Tearing through the air port as fast as they possibly could they finally found Janus standing near the line people were in to board the plane, glancing at his phone before looking around for any sign of Roman coming with his bag. In their haste they had forgotten to text him but they were here now- sweaty, gross and aching with all the things they wanted to say but didn't have time to even though they probably wouldn’t have taken the chance when they had it anyway. As much as they so wished this moment to be their happily ever after it was too soon in both of their lives for that and they’d have to come to terms with the fact that long distance anything was hard and they would both be busy with their own lives.

Pushing their bangs away from their face they finally reached Janus and held out the rescued bag, chest heaving from running through a house and then an airport.

“You truly didn’t have to go all the way back on your own to get this Roman, but thank you.” Janus squinted at him and chuckled. “It’s a good thing I have this, do you need my inhaler?”

“I’d have to keep it since looking at you takes my breath away already.” Roman blurted, opening their mouth before they could think.

Janus blinked, then scowled playfully. “Roman Sanders, was that a pick up line? You waited until I’m about to leave the country to flirt with me?”

“No! ...well, yes but- I’ve flirted with you plenty before!”

“Jokingly!” Janus shoved them before grabbing at the front of their shirt and stepping closer. “You are insufferable.”

Roman hardly dared to breath as Janus leaned in closer, hands fluttering nervously at their sides as they stood still and waited. Smiling, Janus leaned up slightly. “May I have a kiss goodbye then?”

“If you don’t I will scream so loud security will take you and then you’ll have no choice but to stay here longer.”

Chuckling Janus stepped closer, erasing any pretense of space between them. Finally deciding their hands would feel less awkward resting on the others’ hips, they pulled Janus forward gently and tilted their head with his. The general din of the airport faded away as soft strands of feather light hair tickled their nose and Janus’ hands came up to tangle in their own somewhat frizzier hair at the nape of their neck. There was an announcement that vaguely sounded like Janus was being called to board but they were only held tighter as their lips finally, finally met.

And oh.

They almost wished they could sue Disney only on the merit that it had set their expectations for a first kiss entirely too low. There were no fireworks, no choir to set the mood further. It didn’t feel like the climax of their life nor like coming home after a long and tiring journey. It was soft, so very soft. A simple brush against their lips that filled them with an indescribable amount of joy for such a small action; and then they were being pulled and they followed willingly, pressing against the other just a little tighter. Their noses bumped despite the angle and Roman’s hands still felt awkward even if Janus hadn’t brushed them away but it felt like nothing and everything they had always dreamed it would be because it was Janus so it was good and perfect and like nothing they had ever experienced or wanted to experience in their life.

It only lasted a couple seconds, Janus pulling away only to peck their nose and whisper a quiet “see you later” against their lips and he was gone, hurrying towards the plane as the last call for his appearance was announced. Roman stood there, dumbfounded with a burning face but a chest that was burning ten times hotter, hands still slightly outstretched where Janus’ waist had been moments before. Shaking themself out of it they turned swiftly and made their way over to a bench by the windows to watch the plane take off. Four years in Venice for Janus, four years in Pennsylvania for Roman.

They could do that.

-----

Maybe my song isn’t happy enough but I I see it take flight with the snowflakes above me My coffee gets cold as I’m staring enthralled At the snow the keeps falling outside

#oren writes #sanders sides #sanders sides fic #sanders sides roman #janus sanders #sanders sides janus #deceit sanders #sanders sides deceit #roman x janus #roam x deceit #roman sanders x janus sanders #roman sanders x deceit sanders #roceit

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purplesurveys · 2 years

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1483

If you had the last person you kissed’s Facebook password, would you go snooping through their stuff? Why or why not? Yeah, that’s a no can do. No reason other than they’re simply not in my life anymore.

Have you ever fainted? If so, when was the last time? If not have you ever come close? Yeah it’s been a while since it last happened, but I’ve definitely fainted more frequently than most people. I don’t do well with dehydration and heat.

Do you trick or treat? If so, how old will you be when you stopped? If not, how old were you when you stopped? I haven’t done it since high school but I have a very “never say never” approach when it comes to things like trick or treating, if that makes sense? Like if a group of friends would make plans to do it, I’d always be on board.

Ever take a keyboarding class? Do you type using the skills you learned in class, or how you used to before you took the class? Yeah we had typing lessons in the earlier years of grade school; during exams, we were even required to bring handkerchiefs to cover our hands so that we could be checked on whether we’ve memorized the QWERTY format or not. But after those classes I never really used the ‘correct way’ and I’ve always typed with only my index and middle fingers.

What did the last umbrella you used look like? There’s nothing remarkable about it other than it being black.

How many pairs of boots do you own? I don’t own any pair of boots. Ever cut your hair (the entire thing - not just the bangs or a little part) yourself? Nah, my hands are too clumsy. I’d wreck my hair in minutes.

Do you find your best friend’s significant other/crush attractive? He’s fairly good-looking but I’m not personally attracted to him.

What do you do with your clothes that don’t fit anymore or just don’t want? I turn them over to my mom, who decides if she’ll donate them or give them as hand-me-downs to relatives.

Do you cut out coupons? That’s not a thing here.

Does anyone in your house play Xbox Live? You’re talking to a Playstation household, buddy.

What was the last school you attended (if you’re still in school, put the name of the school you attended before you came to that school) I went to UP for college.

Would you ever date a co-worker? No. Besides my last relationship rendering me emotionless (lol), that set-up could also be potentially damaging to my day-to-day work.

Did you ever breathe in helium and talk funny afterwards? I haven’t had the chance but I’ve always wanted to try.

Would you ever open your own business? If so, what kind of business could you imagine yourself having? You know, this thought has crossed my mind recently. It’d be cool to open some sort of Namjooning-themed café where people can go for rest or co-working or catching up with friends. It could be a family business if my family would be interested, given my parents’ background in hotel and restaurant management, and then my sister and I would tag team on the creative and marketing aspects...

Given my completely non-existent knowledge on business management, though, this would 100% remain a dream. It’s just a nice little happy thought that I like to think about sometimes.

When shopping, do you ever head straight for the clearance or sales rack? Nah I kind of just follow the route of the store and see if I find some pieces that I like along the way.

What’s your biggest pet peeve at your job? I hate the client servicing part of it which should technically serve as the biggest red flag for me now, given that I work in an AGENCY lmao. I’m already scouring new opportunities - for real now - and actually had a call with an e-commerce brand today since they have an opening for a PR position. I’m stressed and exhausted and burned the fuck out and I just need a way out before I work myself to literal death in this job.

How old do you want to be when you move out? Late 20s would be ideal for me. I have a bit of time left before my personal deadline haha.

Ever meet or talk to someone from an online dating site? Not my thing, never will be my thing. Last type of candy you ate? I think it was that gummy candy my mom bought last week.

Have you ever had egg drop soup? Yeah my grandmother made it for us a couple of weeks ago when we visited.

How many tattoos do you want in the future? Anywhere between 3-5 tiny ones would be fine, but this is only if I get to get over my fear of needles and getting pricked hah.

How soon do you start planning your Halloween costume each year? I only do it like 1-2 days before and it simply boils down to having bigger priorities. I’d love to plan my costumes out at least a week ahead but work always has me swamped. Last time you had Chinese food? I’m literally having it right now, haha. Mom got Chinese food tonight - I have fried rice and siomai.

Are you any good at dying hair? You mean dyeing? No not at all - I prefer to get any and every hair stuff done professionally.

What brand of shampoo did you last use? Dove.

Did you decorate your house for Halloween? If so, how many decorations? Did you go all out, or just put up a few things? We never decorate for Halloween.

Last person to hang up on you? I haven’t been hung up on in a while. Maybe my mom?

Are you excited for winter? Or are you dreading it? We don’t get winter.

Do you still own a VCR? How about VHSes? I think my parents threw ours out years ago.

What’s your favorite scary movie? Carrie.

How do you plan on spending your Halloween this year? Idk, probably at a workplace Halloween party since those are a thing.

Which type of Halloween Costumes do you prefer? Sexy ones or scary ones? Or maybe funny ones? Funny ones.

What was the most boring costume you ever had? Probably that time I went as a pirate like, three or four years ago. It was a Halloween party that a distant relative was holding, and I couldn’t care less.

Do you like cranberry sauce? I’ve never had it but I can tell you I probably won’t like it.

#survey #surveys

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jupitercomet · 1 year

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Social work sounds very interesting to me! Education - not so much. Though that's highly due to me remembering the monsters my classmates and I were in middle school.

And don't worry about following em now at all! I'm just happy you do! 🤗

And I have so many little things I find interesting (I think by the end of this ask you probably won't be surprised by my star sign) - like yesterday we discussed the classification of different psychoactive substances. And our proffesors told us why cocain is sniffed and not injected. Because it does have a fluid form. But the thing is, when you inject coke it enters the blood stream far faster, but the problem with that is although the effect takes place also faster, it also goes away for like 10-15 minutes. While with sniffing it, the effect takes place and lasts much longer. (I swear, I learn many more interesting facts in my minor we just talked about how substances influence our consciousness in my last lecture so thats why I'm like - hey, let's talk about drugs).

Okay, so I have a very complicated love-hate relationship with Geminis. And in general I understand why many people react like that when you tell them your sign. I've met some Geminis that are great all around (like you!), some I respect and even like even though I disagree with, one that I love purely because the asshole is my brother - this man is annoying, but he's probably my best friend in the world, and then there are some that are hypocritical liars that I can't stand. And the true neutral and the man that's influenced me the most outside of my family - the boy I was in love with for like 6 years (I have so many hilarious stories about things I've done because I was in love with him. Truly humiliating, but at least I'm great fun at parties).

And I'm a Virgo sun (which is very obvious by the little facts I keep dropping unprompted). But all my personal plants are in the signs of Virgo, Libra (ain't that obvious by how much I talk?) and Scorpio (I mean, I do read almost exclusively angst).

yeah, I was looking more at Elementary Education (2nd or 3rd grade probably) but idk I’m on the fence because it really wouldn’t give me the college experience I was looking forward to

and that’s super interesting!! is it less addictive as a liquid? I just can’t imagine why the drug trade wouldn’t want to push the form that would require people purchasing it more consistently if they were equally as addictive

I don’t really know a whole bunch about astrology, I know my moon and rising are both in Capricorn and my friend said that made a lot of sense for me so I’ll take her word for it 💀 also Gemini solidarity between me and your brother ✊😔

#tw drugs #acatwriteshere #what’s up doc

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whatchurchshouldfeellike · 2 years

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80 HD Thoughts

I usually start a conversation with the second thought I immediately had when I originally thought of how I wanted to start the conversation. I have been actively working on not interrupting for years. Four years actually. I can joke about those traits, but there’s some that aren’t funny now, but hopefully in a few years they will be.

I have ADHD and the word finally feels normal to me. I used to feel like I was giving bad news to the people in my life by telling them of my diagnosis. I still have a few fears floating around that sometimes very clearly make me think that I will never think I am doing enough. Not like in the Disney Channel Originals where the 26 year teen girl is like, “I have perfect grades and I’m popular but it’s never enough for my parents ”. At one point I did feel like that. Somewhere between middle school and high school. That’s not the point.

The point IS that I have spent my life trying to do things. No sarcasm, no joking tone, and not an ounce of humor when I say that I have struggled all my life in literally doing things. That’s it. I have felt my whole life like I was silently being attacked by a bear, and I obviously needed help (because I am being attacked by a metaphorical Bear obviously) and no one offered to help because no one realized I was being attacked by a bear and they wouldn't know what to do anyway. And imagine this conversation:

- going to someone the next day and being like man, I was silently attacked by a bear yesterday. I still feel it today.

-And they say, did you try running? Running is good to not only stopping the attack, but also it helps you be ready to avoid another one.

That's how it felt. Like I was on fire and someone noticed and told me that I should put out the fire that's eating me alive.

So, anywho, no one noticed. Either because I was good at hiding it, or they were too busy thinking about their own struggles and insecurities. Or maybe both. My middle school and high school years were before the woke awaking started. I’m very happy it happened and that I learned there was more to comedy than just the punching down. I'm also VERY happy to learn that not everyone is spendsing their time judging me and my insecurities. (If, this is the first time you are learning this, welcome. It’s a lot better over here). But Because I was so convinced that everyone was thinking about my weight…I started to obsess over my weight too. That’s just one example sadly. Now, I am learning that physical “flaws” are the least of my concern.

I hope you read that in a more serious and deeper voice because I’m trying very hard to get back to my serious point.

I have ADHD, it’s a disorder where I didn’t fully and/or correctly develop the Pre-Frontal Cortex, so I biologically struggle with Executive Functioning and Self Regulation. So very very long story short(for the sake of getting to my main point one day), I was diagnosed with ADHD as an adult. I felt like my whole life I was a lazy piece of shit with no drive or discipline. I still have such fragile self esteem. Now though, I have medicine, and therapy. I was diagnosed 4ish years ago. Remember I mentioned I learned (not realized) that I tend to interrupt? I also learned a lot of dark feelings live in me that I somehow sugar coated, so I wouldn’t completely breakdown. But not sugar coated enough to not spiral. Ta-da, Depression and Anxiety have also made a cameo in and out of my life. Mainly depression because they didn’t know what to do with the dementors after filming Harry Potter, so now they all live in my thoughts.

I promise this is my attempt at long story short.

Cut to me on the couch writing this blog post on Tumblr (my inner child is so happy to know Tumblr is still around!!). I couldn't get myself to try what I learned about building good habits and how not to procrastinate and how to hack your life for ADHD. I’ve seen all the tik toks. All the Reels. All the ADDitude articles, the books, and my therapist's print outs.

But I could not get my body to do them. It was like my brain was firing off instructions and they just went immediately into a stress cabinet called the garbage, and it felt like my body would never get the message. It got worse and worse as I got older, and I developed what my therapist (who is amazing and wonderful)calls “a lie you tell yourself”. Through EMDR Therapy I learned that because I felt like I was losing control of my own will to try, I convinced myself that I am not capable, and my inner dialogue slowly became meaner and more shameful. I would, so so fast, tell myself “I can’t”. So, then continued to go through my life full of passion but no drive, because I genuinely stopped believing that I am capable. Now at 29, I have found the medicine that helps me create the dopamine I desperately needed. I’ve tried about 4 ADHD medications. I now have a therapist I feel connected to as well. Actually, I also have had about 4 of those.

I finally feel like I am breaking out of my cocoon and be the little moth that I have always wanted to be(I don't actually know if they do the cocoon thing or not). Lately, I have been doing everything my brain says to do. All of it. Even when the task is tedious or intimidating. But the rumination that comes with spending your life trying to explain that you're trying very hard. But it usually feels like that's not enough in this results and "thrive not survive mindset". I don't understand it. I have been just trying to survive and try to figure out if I'm happy or not.

I’m so sleepy that I don’t care anymore if any of this is flowing towards the point I have been trying to say this whole time:

I have adhd. Now that I am on medication and therapy that helps me, I am learning to heal the traumas the disorder and other impactful events have spread inside and made me sick. I am no longer depressed. Now that I know what it feels like to be a person who only has one strain of thought at a time, I decided I should do what I have always wanted to consistently do for myself, and that has always been to make art. All of it. All the art my brain has been trying to make by thinking alone.

#neurodivergence #art

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