#insta is being a dickhead

[friendlynaborhooddisapointment]

Just saw some fucked up shit on insta. Like bro the censorship on that app is so ass. Like regular ass shit get censored but the moment it's fucking, broderline porn or some other variation of fucky it's fine.

#LIEK BRO YALLS GOT 10YLOS ON UR APP FUCKING WATCH IT #like ughhhhh #rant #insta is being a dickhead

[landovilla]

read your mind.

༉‧₊˚ reader gets a certain reply to her story.

pairing: charles leclerc x poc!reader

fc: aeri from aespa!!

trope:situation opps!

warnings: suggested smut but no smut happens. semi-love bombing?? toxic umm.. time skips a lot.

content: reader kind of falls too fast. charles being a dickhead idk. lando 😂😂 shh.. texts & insta post (just once). maybe bad gammer sorryyy. low caps !!!!!!

words: 1.3k ??

🎐 speaking!: hi this is my first post im kind of nervous... mo encourage me to start posting on tumblr!! also might make a part two if it gets attention 🤗 hope you enjoy!!

she wasn't a fan of him, she never was at first. It was just an accident that he followed her nothing else. But it wasn't accident that he replied to her story right?

charles_leclerc replied to your story!

ynusername's story

charles_leclerc

😍😍

ynusername

erm.. I think you replied on accident!

charles_leclerc

that was no accident sweetheart

ynusername

oh

charles_leclerc

you're very pretty

ynusername

tell me something I don't hear🤣 be original racer boy

charles_leclerc

haha racer boy?

ynusername

isn't that what you are lolol

charles_leclerc

I mean yeah?

ynusername

ok 👍

she didn't reply after that. she didn't felt the need to. yes, a famous man that hundreds of girls drooled over would kill to be in her position! but yn had heard questionable actions the man had gotten into. she thought he would get the damn hint by now but he didn't.

charles_leclerc

ouch delivered for 1 week :(?

ynusername

I'm a busy girl..

charles_leclerc

not even time for me?

ynusername

no who are you?

are you mark lee didn't think so

charles_leclerc

just wanna know the pretty girl

ynusername

you literally don't even know who I am

NO. How did you find my instagram?

charles_leclerc

lily follows u

ynusername

um ok but ??

charles_leclerc

she posted ur post once on her story and i just had to take my shot

ynusername

erm congrats! 🎊🍾

charles_leclerc

are you always a cold bitch

ynusername

and do u think every girl can just fall for you!! oh I'm so sorry !

charles_leclerc

I must admit ur funny

ynusername

I know I am☺️

yn wasn't going to keep texting him that's what she said. she was wrong, she found herself clicking the Instagram app opening his messages. she found herself texting him everyday, as the time passed soon or later they exchanged numbers. the more they talked, the more she found out about him.

she knew he was three years older but it was fine! he didn't seem to have bad intentions. she loved the way he would give her pet names or responding quickly. yn just felt like she could fall in love again after her ex situation.

the two soon or later began calling after two months of charles begging, she finally gave in. "so.. are you gonna say something or just be staring at the screen?" yn spoke softly looking into her camera. his grin widened, "you have a hot voice too-" she stared at her screen for awhile before replying, "ok I'm hanging up now-"

charles!!

hii pretty girl

yn 🤍

helloooo char:)

charles!!

cant wait to see you after all of these months

yn🤍

it's literally been what?

5 months talking 😃

charles!!

and? I promised you that confession in person didn't I?

yn🤍

shut ur mouth

charles!!

only if it's ur lips

he was the sweetest once they met, he wrapped an arm around her waist instantly. charles pecked her cheek and looked at her with a wide smile.

"hey"

she smiled back,

"hey"

they were happy for awhile, why wouldn't they? charles would take her on the most expensive dates yet. he would have her by his side no matter what the occasion. when it was race day, she was there even when he lost terribly. she would always be there for him.

but they weren't official, she never thought he would take this long to ask her to his official girlfriend. when she confronted about it to him, he always said the same thing.

"I do want you to be my girlfriend. It's just I want to plan it out perfectly just for you, my girl"

she should've never believed him. she should've started getting suspicious when he suddenly stopped asking her to go to his races occasionally. but she didn't question it, just brushing it off thinking he was just busy that's all.

yn

hi!!

charles!!

hey pretty, how are you?

yn

good gooddd

you've been lagging on me tbh😞

charles!!

Ik ik

it's just been busy lately

yk training and stuff

yn

yeah I know

I just miss talking to you

charles!!

you'll have me to yourself soon

:)

yn

right ☺️

yn just thought he was busy that's all. he's a celebrity and celebrities are always busy, right? it wasn't until a week later where he finally invited her to a dinner celebration with other f1 drivers. his hand resting on her lower back the majority of the time as he whispered sweet nothings in her ear.

"you should've not worn this dress. you look out of this world" he whispered in her ear before placing a peck on her cheek. she felt herself start forming a smile at his compliment. no matter how hard she tried not give him an reaction she always failed. the sweetness from him quickly ended when he left her alone in the table going to chat along with the other boys.

she was incredibly bored, one of her fingers tapping the table. she didn't know anyone in the celebration. the girlfriends of the other drivers were in their own world not even paying attention to her. yn was safe to say she felt excluded by everyone here. she would've been talking to lily but lily seemed to skip this dinner party this time.

20 minutes ended up passing by, she felt incredibly small at this point. she flinched slightly feeling someone tap her shoulder. her gaze shifted to the person next to her. he was smiling at her widely. "hey! did charles dumbass leave you here alone?" yn chuckled slightly. "I guess he got too caught up with the others" he hummed with her response.

"I'm lando" she hummed giving him a soft smile, "lando? alright im yn" he grinned this time showing off his pearly whites. "yn, what a pretty name for a pretty girl" she laughed shaking her head.

she placed her chin on her hand taking in his appearance, "I would compliment you back but I don't think I can" he leaned closer to her. "oh really? why? is charles your boyfriend now?" she was going to say yes but he wasn't her boyfriend. "well not yet. though I only have eyes on him" lando tilted his head and leaned back onto his chair. "if I was him I would've made you my girlfriend already by the third month" his words made her heart sting.

the ride back to the hotel was silent. when the two had step inside charles closed the door behind them leaning against the door. "didn't know you were all smiles with lando" yn sat on the edge of the bed looking at him. "what? he was just keeping me company" she frowned, why was he acting like this?

"stay away from him pretty, he just wants to steal you from me" he spoke softly as he walked in front of her. "you can do that for me right?" his hand brushed her strand of hairs away from her eyes. she was a weak women, "yeah I can" charles smiled satisfied he grip her chin up placing a kiss on her lips. he slowly pushed her down onto the bed. "so good to me, yeah?" he heavily breathed.

"god, let's get you out of this dress"

yn felt stupid for waiting his notifications. she wonder what went wrong was it because she responded too quickly? she didn't know but she was tired. she was tired of his excuses for not asking her out officially. she was tired of him responding so late to her lately.

yn

what position you got her in😂😐

charles.

what..?

yn

oh now u reply lol

charles

yn, you know im busy.

yn

and im sick of you being so-called busy everyday.

charles

you know that's what I mean though. It's not my fault I have training and stuff.

yn

you know what charles, im tired of whatever we have going on. I don't wanna be just a stupid situation. Why won't you make me your girlfriend yet? it's been over 7 months of us talking, going on dates, literally fucking?? what else do you want from me?

charles

im sorry yn. it's just im scared my fans will hurt you they aren't used to me dating girls with black hair and yk?

yn

what the fuck.

im starting to think you don't actually like me

charles

I do I swear

yn

no you don't. you would've accepted me. sorry im not a blonde girl with blue eyes. have fun with your new bitch i can tell you've been texting someone new.

charles

wait yn please just listen to me

read

he spammed her for almost a week but that quickly ended. she was heartbroken, who wouldn't be though? she hated the fact that he just was experimenting around with her. that same week he was spotted with a girl with blonde hair. it broke her, so she did what any girl would do after a situation.

she instantly went insane, crying to sad songs on blast. she clearly looked like a mess, it didn't help that after that her fall semester started. people stared at her like she was crazy. her hair was always in a messy hairstyle she didn't even bother wearing makeup or dressing up.

"you seriously need to get over him" her best friend said through the phone screen. yn looked at her with a frown, "i seriously cannot" the friend sighed shaking her head softly. "that's because you keep making it worse. I say dye your hair blonde and post just to show him you'll look good in any hair color" yn raised her eyebrows as she fixed the camera on the call.

"isn't that just making me seem desperate though?"

"well, if he texts you just ignore him. hey who knows maybe another driver will text you" she winked teasing.

"I don't think so... charles didn't let me talk to any of them" she sighed flopping down on her bed again.

"and? he isn't here now is he?"

ynusername posted!

ynusername 🪩🍾

comments off

you have two new messages!

charles_leclerc

hey, I missed you, pretty girl.

landonorris

hey😁

🎐: wowahhhh that was crazy 🤣😂(no it wasn't) I hope you enjoyed this short oneshot!! lmk if you want a part two fr😊

#charles leclerc #charles leclerc x reader #f1 #f1 imagine #lando norris #lando norris x reader #charles leclerc smut #charles leclerc x you #formula 1 #landovilla

[dumplingsjinson]

So long distant dude left me on read yesterday (found out today while scrolling through my insta messages) and like.. I’m fucking PISSED. This dickhead leaves me on delivered for a whole fucking month… then leaves me on read for the first time ever.

It’s more of a pride issue than my feelings being hurt, because I don’t like him that way anymore, but I’m so tempted to tell him how much I liked him, and how shitty he’s made me feel, and how I found someone who actually gives a shit about me, and then fucking block his disgusting, nasty, greasy, and unwashed -10000/10 ass.

I don’t want advice, I just needed to vent.

#personal #fuck this guy fr #vent

[princesssmars]

can you do a aki menzies x reader 🥺 please

all the money in the world!

an aki menzies x reader

aki grapples with a rapid influx of popularity, and finds solace in someone who doesnt even know who he is.

wc : 1.227

contains : fluff

a/n : anon. anon. this is so late and i am so sorry 😭 tbf in the first season i did nawt like aki and i was bipolar to him in the second. so i hope this suits your fancy.

--

yet again, aki's life was being ruined by his friends.

ok, hes being dramatic. normally the "ruin" comes in the form of being dragged along to some party, or monet forcing him to photograph her and the girls on the steps of the met while they ate lunch.

but this time it was bad.

the day started normally. he woke up, got ready for school, and gave his mom a goodbye kiss on the cheek. meets up with his friends at school. does pretty good on an english test. everything fine.

until they're all getting lunch from some pop-up nearby. he's relaxing at a table, enjoying the taste of his odd fusion cupcake when he hears a giggle and looks to his right, being met with the black of max's iphone. he smiles, used to his friends' antics around lunchtime before gently smacking the phone away.

it was simple. and normal. until he woke up the next day to thousands of notifications. tiktok, instgram, twitter, fucking whatsapp?

and at the top of his lock screen, a little message from max.

the literal devil : oops! :)

so the next two weeks are...rough. max posted the little lunch video onto his socials and it blew up for no reason at all. well, aki knew the reason. he knew he was attractive, he'd had his share of girlfriends and boyfriends over the years. but this was a lot. dozens of dm's on multiple sites, and he didn't even want to know what the comments sections looked like. his normally quaint insta profile of mostly skateboarding and basketball videos now had an infinite stream of girls, guys, and everyone in between thrusting over him.

and then it leaked into real life. girls in his classes leaving notes in his locker, one of his teammates giving him a flirty comment after the game! sure he might've gotten their number, but that's beside the point. aki was a low-key person, and this insane amount of sudden attention was the opposite of what he wanted.

the only place where he doesn't have to worry about any of it is the skatepark. the whole viral fiasco was only mentioned once, with one of his skateboarding friends teasing him about it when they were sitting by the edge of one of the drops.

its a random saturday when aki decides to skate to let off some steam, when he sees some new little jazz cafe only two blocks from it. he isn't a big fan of jazz but decides a quick snack couldn't hurt. he orders a little snack and as he's turning into a girl and spilling her drink all over her front.

he groans out about twenty apologies in under a minute, telling her he'll buy her a new drink and enough to replace her outfit if she needs it. she laughs and assures him its fine, that she was returning her drink anyway. that based on his beaten-down skateboard she wouldn't want to run his pockets dry anyway.

and he laughs. like, really laughs. probably one of the first girls in weeks outside of his friends who hasn't fawned over him and she just called him broke within two minutes of meeting.

you exchange names and he gets your number. he feels like he's walking on air. he can't even find it in him to care that the wheel on his janky-ass skateboard falls off.

he texts you as soon as he gets home. and when he wakes up the next day. and whenever he's at lunch. and dinner. and before he knows it you're texting everyday, graduating to phone calls after only three weeks.

he learns so much about you and vice versa, such as the beautiful and life-saving fact that you don't have social media and go to a school in brooklyn. he's so overjoyed to have someone treat him normally that the tiny little dickhead voice inside of him tells him it would be a great idea to keep his identity from you. and he nearly considers it until you tell him one of your friends recognized his picture in your phone and told you who he was.

great. perfect.

and then the next day some stranger must have taken a picture of you sharing a milkshake on your date because his group chat is flooded with messages. tales of betrayal and disgust and "you sure you don't wanna share?"

he's scared about the idea of inviting you to meet his friends, but you don't seem too worried about it. you tell him you don't care if they're rich and famous or whatever, that at the end of the day, they're just people like you. it makes him feel better if not a little scared.

its decided you'll tag along to some informal dinner party aubrey's mom is hosting, having come into a good deal of money with the boom of her fashion line. it takes a lot of convincing to get aubs to agree to let a 'civilian' into her mom's party. all he had to do was find her some obscure signed book from some swedish author she liked.

and god, was he thankful they all seemed to like you. jordan complimented you bag, leading the two of you to bond over how you both loved some shop down in queens, and once jordan started to warm up to you it was only a matter of time before the others did.

as soon as monet and luna were talking about how your hair 'wasn't as bad as they were expecting', he knew everything would be fine.

now that his friends were off the board, there was only one thing left. to go public.

he could tell you were actually nervous about this, and he was too. while he jokingly referred to his friends as the final boss of dating, he knew that teenagers on the upper east side were much worse.

but, yet again, maximus wolfe just has to interfere.

it was going to be a boring weekend until max told everyone he wanted to go to dumbo. aki was able to extend an invitation to you, and damn was he glad when he sees you in your outfit. it was new, something you'd picked out during a shopping trip with jordan. so he cant really be blamed when he's cuddled into your side while you're sipping into your drink, just enjoying the night with his friends.

until he hears you giggle and ask max what he's doing, opening his eyes to see his camera pointed at the two of you.

"max, no."

"what, im not doing anything!"

the next morning, aki realizes that when max wolfe says he won't do something, he's going to do it.

you send him the link to max's near bare tiktok account, the most recent video having nearly double the number of views as the last one about aki.

its only fifteen seconds long, the camera pointing straight at you as you talk to obie beside you as he tiredly rests into your shoulder. opening the comments he's expecting the worse, until he sees a wall of compliments about the pair of you. well, most about you.

he gets a message notification from th etop of his screen.

yn : well, at least that part's over.

god, he wouldn't change you for the world.

#gossip girl #gossip girl x reader #gossip girl reboot #gossip girl reboot x reader #ggrb #aki #aki menzies #aki menzies x reader

[megbonney]

this year has felt way too fast because i realise for 80% of it i was getting mentally rotted by men. let's do a wrapped (of the ones i haven't forgotten).

EBF: first bf for like 2 years. i cut off my best friend under his influence. tried to convince me they were grooming me. tried to convince me i wasn't genderfluid. tried to get his therapist to therapise me. tried to get me to see a therapist. dropped out of school and had virtually no ambition. i had to pretend to be straight infront of his friends. accused me of cheating on him with one of said friends. i felt like he was cheating on me with my "friend" at the time. i had no one besides him. he was attached to me like a parasite and i hated it. dumped him. couldn't handle just staying friends. also killed my self image. went celibate after. oh and he went thru my dms bc that's totally normal. cancer man. 2. RICHIE RICH: was into him during "friends" stage with EBF. met on ow but never really played together. went to a private roman catholic school. led me on. sent me music recs but they were too indie for my teen angst at the time. "friend" made me let her follow him bc she's weird. he didn't see anything wrong with it despite my discomfort. got sick of it bc he was stringing me on and blocked me for being upset. also was confused as to why i wasn't able to go shopping every wknd and didn't understand why i wanted a job bc he was privileged and had an allowance. i tried to meet up but he folded. followed me back on insta 2 or so weeks ago. we haven't spoken. goofy 3. COWORKER: met at first shift. i called him pretty bc that's the only word to rlly describe him and he told other coworkers i tried to ask him out. shorter than me. played war thunder. was really sweet at first. suddenly had coworkers asking if i'd date him. realised he was running his mouth. we watched fury and bladerunner 2077 together. began going dry after i told him i was moving. started being a dickhead. started telling coworkers i was a lesbian. i tried to sort it out but he tried to gaslight me about it. i think he quit atp. good riddance 3. NARC: 23 or 21 yr old man idk. bastion main. had a gf i didn't know abt. treated me like a gf. had an entire fake life. claimed to be a "narcissist and compulsive liar." talked abt his ex the entire time. very degrading. i found his ig and he was actually ugly af. only good thing was that he wasn't codependent. ghosted him after he went dry on me when i got my period. msged his gf and it's been like a month or two without a response. he bought me nitro tho so that was sick. 4. FURRY: was friends with him at the same time as NARC. he also knew about COWORKER because it was roughly right as we met. wanted to be a musician and twitch streamer. 19. balding. had a mommy kink but tried to make me sub. gained feelings for me. i friendzoned him. then he tried to say he was in love a week later. he was parasite #2. friends with MANCHILD. double texted all the time. gooner. cut him off. tried to create tension between fig and i. into the weirdest shit i've ever seen. objectified me. genuinely liked oliver tree. also bought me nitro. 5. MANCHILD: turned 20 like last week. had a gf. never hung out with her. spent everyday hanging out with fig and i. was too stupid so him and fig argued often. tried to make me mediate. most stressful time of yr. i bought him 2 games and he lied to his gf about where he got them from. he also lied about why he got rdr2. backseat gamed everything. whiny. asked me how many fingers i could fit on vc at 2am. also asked me if i'd ever have a 4sum with fig . is now insisting i trapped him because i told people about what happened. 6. CURRENTLY: nothing! i probs forgot some things but a funny thing to note was that i know every guy on this lists' names and most info about them. it was also hard because i wanted to keep all of them approx the same length. happy 2023 ?

[rajvira]

lmao hassan was the biggest dickhead. he had this holier than thou attitude like he could do no wrong. was always careful about not following the girl’s close friends cause he knew women talk to one another. when random mutuals started talking about their experiences with him he deleted. surely hes gonna find out ppl are talking crap about him now and hes a pathological liar. lied about not having an insta, acted like women being all over him was giving him a hard time when he was an online womanizer and just a loser overall. painted this image where he wants to live happily ever after with his wife when he was up everyones likes and dms like every other tumblr man with no sense of shame

if my blog gets reported. its all good ill probably be gone for good :) i hope all of the ladies are reading this that interacted with him

[kaleidosouls]

hi. (pulls out uke)

IM JOKING but i havent posted here in forever huh, are ppl still around? i guess ill comment on like, whats been going in in the time i havent posted

so a long time ago now i wanted to like, cut off from twitter, so i deleted the kaleidosouls twitter, and wanted to keep my art stuff just on insta mostly, trying to move since twitter is a sinking ship right. then my instagram got deleted for no reason (and so did my pinterest that was ful of refs and honestly that was more upseting than insta getting deletedand losing all my art following)

ive been mildly caught up in IRL/college stuff in the meantime,having da depression, and the exec dysfunction same as awlays like. not much has actually been happening but ive been going acutally all over the place trying to figure out what im gonna do with my internet social media stuff. im looking into internships (other field) and im like, i havent given up being an artist professionally exactly but i think im like fuck it. fuck this like, building my Internet career or whatever. like, im gona wokr on my art portfolio and try to find art job stuf thats not really about how popular my art is on twitter or smth. none of that shit rly matters anymoer. same w here, i probably wouldve delted this tumblr if it wasnt the main like, blog so all my other blogs dpened on this one right.

im not like, done posting art online but ive been changing how im going about it and i still havent found my like, place yet. i did remake instagram, a main one and one for creature/pokemon stuff. idk im figuring out my life but i guess the main point is that its all a mess, and its not a disaster like things are going bad or anythin just that ive been in this inertia of disorder for a long time. im getting old. really tired lately, barely draw that much

i still rly love and am holding onto my personal ideas/projects that i want to execute oveer time altho they cant be a priority rn becuase of stuff in life. i got a really bad attention span so ill probably like, work on smth a lot for a few ays and then pick it up again in a year or more. the SU stuff is one of those. i actually ammaking this post bc i got really fucking dickhead comments and i was thinking of going off but my social media paranoia PR brain is like weighting on how i cant do that bc itll make my brand look bad and immature, and its like exhausting to live like that yk. altho it Is wise to restrain myself from being mean dsgkj but i also think itd be funny to cuss ppl off so :( life is very hard as an adult!

anyway point is. thigns are a mess rn and they will continue to be for the time being. my accoutns got obliterated so if you wanna keep up with me maybe follow my instagram if you want, i keep forgetting tumblr exists so tahst why i post so little on here. i do like postingt here though, nad i like making little blogs. i like ppls tags on ym art and replies. even the pricky ones like, i get to engage my brain a litlte bit adn its like ppl are out there yk? seieng my stuff, rather than just like, a bunch of numbers of how many likes or reblogs smth has.

most of the stuff left on this blog is for SU reclaimed and i still rly like the idea and its good coping for me and i want to pick it up sometimes but idk what to do with it wrt how i wanna present the content. ive considerd many times making a separate tumblr for it and i am considering that Again but maybe i should just quit it and post it here and forget about that. and find a different way to present the totality of the contents of the AU and use this tumblr as a way to just post it like, a 'devblog' (i am not developing SHIT this is just conceptual design writing stuff)

if theres anyone still following thats like engaged/interested in SU reclaimed feel free to comment with your thoughts or suggestions,i guess i could make an instagram for it? but ehh... idt thats how i wanna like, execute it. welp. i guess if i do make smth ill post about it here,i guess the point is that maybe i can try to post on here moreoften, idk, like i want my instagrams to be more tidy and like, impersonal. i deleted twitter bc i dont want to engage that personalyl at ALL anymore as an artist w viewers. not to mention it sinking. but i guess tumblr Is the perfect place to keep that unprofessional, slightly casual blogging artist experience. maybe if i get to cuss ppl out :D but then i dont wanna get harassed later over it. hm.. sucks to exist online tbh

thank u if youve read this far. if youre a mutual (somehow) or a long time follower and wanna know how to better keep up w me since i know im disappearing a lot feel free to dm

#personal #just how ive been/thougths/rambling

[bee-snail]

1, 5, 7, 10

1. What was your favorite moment from the finale?

[ZT gets the Drops] "FINALLY! THEY. ARE. MIIIINNNNNNEEEEEEE!!!"

ABSOLUTELY MY FAVORITE MOMENT EVER. The way she just?!!?!!! TWIRLED AROUND WITH THE DROPS?! AND THEN SHE LAUGHED MANIACALLY AND TRANSFORMED INTO HER DEMON FORM ?!

incredible Ziti moment right there, I could rewatch that scene like a billion times. The animators and voice actress really carried Ziti for me.

The entire Ziti backstory makes me happy too (well, not happy per se since I am just watching my favorite character get sent off to literal hell but still), Demanitus makes me laugh. An absolute idiot. I'm sending him to the deepest pits of hell. Hate the man. Hope he suffers down there.

Also, Ziti's "[sad pout] [evil smirk] [evil chuckle.] Oh, I've been in far worse prisons." is also an amazing line for me. I just love this woman, can you tell? Hehehhee.

2. Did you prefer Cassandra's or Varian's villain arc?

Varian's. No hesitation.

Cassandra's arc had a lot of potential, but it basically went unused. She was just a massive dickhead the whole time and then pulled a "Am I the bad guy? 🥺💔" and was insta-redeemed. I am still salty about that. boo.

7. Do you have any post series headcanons?

Not many, though I do headcanon that there would be a lot of tension in the Dark Kingdom post-series. Edmund, Adira and Hector hurt eachother a lot (well, Adira and Edmund committed most of the "hurting" if I'm being fully honest here) and now that the 3 of them are stuck together rebuilding the whole place by themselves, they oughta work out those issues if they want to be productive again!

9. What is a minor change you would make to the canon?

I wish we could've seen Edmund and the Brotherhood talk about the Mindtrap, so I'd definitely add that 😔

#tts #tangled the series #rapunzel's tangled adventure #tangled #ask #tysm for the ask!! :D !!!

[runningwithcoffee]

Play Dates 3 - The Beer Garden, Part I

I'd hoped to be a little further ahead with this, but wanted to post before I went on holiday. So, that teaser I posted is still a teaser, part II arrives in just over a week!

***

The bar manager - Kara - arrived with their beers, then suddenly looked up with the air of a hunting dog spotting a rabbit. She set the tray down sharply, then dashed outside to where two teenagers were pointing their phones at the bar window. No, she realised, they were pointing them through the window at where she and Ben were sitting. 

Amy could hear Kara’s voice through the glass, and Ben turned his head too, as the irate bar manager pointed at the two teenage boys, then at the window, then shouted: “What do you think this is, a zoo? You don’t go taking pictures of people without permission!”

“’Scuse me,” Ben murmured, then stood up quickly and followed her out. Amy, and a few of the nearest drinkers, watched as he made his way over to them and started chatting, Kara visibly calming down as it became apparent that they weren’t taking photos of Amy, and were just a bit starstruck. She came back in and headed back to Amy’s table.

“Sorry about that, I thought they were taking photos of you.”

“Cheers, Kara,” Amy replied, “but it’s okay.”

“You got yourself a footballer as well, then?” she teased, as Amy waved her own card at the card reader, blinking slightly at the total, but waving it off as the prices having changed without her realising.

“As well?”

Kara laughed. “You’re not the only ones on Insta, you know! I follow her as well. Nice pics she’s been posting of Ibiza, wish I could afford to take the wifey over there.” She winked and returned to the bar as Ben returned and sat down.

“That happen often?”

“Not that often,” Ben replied, “but sometimes.”

“Must be tough. Do you feel like you can’t go out without being spotted?”

He shook his head. “Depends where you are, sometimes, yes, but not everyone follows football. Also, Mase is the poster boy!” He grinned.

“He does look good on a poster, but it must be weird, having people staring at you that much. I’ve seen some of the things y/n has to manage,” Amy replied, thinking back to a conversation months ago in their flat. She’d been catching up on Game of Thrones whilst y/n frowned at her tablet and shook her head.

“Hey, what’s up?” Amy had asked eventually, seeing her friend’s expression. She was vaguely aware that Chelsea had lost a match earlier that day, but hadn’t given it much thought.

“Oh… it’s nothing,” y/n had replied, sighing “just that some people on Twitter are twats, you know?”

“Oh yeah,” Amy agreed, pressing pause and peering over her friend’s shoulder. “Ugh, that looks like a… gravestone?”

“Don’t look at it,” her friend said, scrolling past quickly. “Why do people do this shit?”

“Because some people are sad little twats,” Amy replied. “They probably sit in their bedrooms all day in their mum’s house, just wankering on.”

Y/n shook her head. “It’s just… this is horrible.”

“Don’t look at it, then,” Amy advised her, “doesn’t Mason have a PR team to take care of it?”

Her friend put the phone down. “He does, and he knows he shouldn’t take any notice, but I think they must all be aware of it. Maybe in the old days it wasn’t so bad, but these days… he has one bad game and it’s like suddenly everyone thinks he’s a waste of money, and it’s just 24 hours, wall-to-wall crap on social media.”

“Why would he pay any attention?” Amy pointed out.

“Because…” her friend paused. Amy nodded encouragingly. “It sounds a weird thing to say, but I think it does bother him. Maybe that’s why he acts like such a pain in the arse all the time.”

“Do you think that’s why he hangs out with The Dickheads?” ‘The Dickheads’ being the name the two of them had given to Mason’s crowd of assorted hangers-on. “They just tell him he’s great all the time?”

“Could be,” y/n shrugged rather bitterly, “or maybe he just can’t stand not hearing how brilliant he is 24/7.”

Back in the present, Ben frowned a little at the reminder of what was currently happening with y/n and his friend, or rather, not happening.

“She’s good at that,” he agreed, “but…” he stopped suddenly and took a big gulp of his beer.

“But what?”

“But… okay, maybe you can explain this. I get that she doesn’t like Morgan, but trust me, Mase does not give a shit about Morgan. All he did was walk her home and let her stay over when she was drunk and couldn’t get home. He did that for her, too, so… what’s the big deal?”

Amy actually agreed with him, but loyalty prevented her from openly saying so. Also… could Ben possibly understand what it was like to be on the outside of his world, peering in? He and Mason had doors opened everywhere for them, they were stars who Chelsea had paid millions of pounds for, where y/n was only in their world because she worked for Mason’s dad. And besides, Amy thought, it wasn’t like Ben would know what it was like to be in competition for someone you liked with someone else who was drop-dead stunning, and whatever else you could say about Morgan, she had everything, perfect face, perfect figure, perfect clothes. She looked the part of a girl who should date a famous footballer, and y/n…

Y/n also looked like that, Amy thought loyally, but how could you not be insecure when a girl who looked like Morgan came strolling out of the bedroom of the guy you thought was yours, big smile on her face, in front of his family and friends?

“It’s…” Amy started, then didn’t finish. It didn’t feel right to talk about y/n’s issues with Ben. Y/n’s ex had a lot to answer for.

Silence fell again, then Ben sighed, and rubbed his forehead. “Maybe it’ll be for the best when he moves on.”

Amy felt as though a trickle of ice water had just gone down her spine. “What do you mean? Is he… is there someone else?”

Ben shook his head slowly. “No, not right now. But… there’s always girls.”

“What?” Amy frowned incredulously at him. He looked puzzled, and she burst out before could stop herself. “’There’s always girls?´ Do you know how that sounds?”

“It sounds like ‘there’s more fish in the sea’,” Ben pointed out.

Amy bit her lip. She felt strongly that the two did not compare, but for the moment she could not quite find the words to explain why.

Ben stared at the table for a few seconds, then looked up. “Put it this way. When we go out, there’s always a Morgan. There’s always going to be another Morgan, and she’s not even the worst. They all know how much we earn, and some of them go after him like dogs after a bone. Sooner or later…” he let the sentence trail off.

The silence lingered. Yeah, that killed the conversation, Amy thought, taking a big swig of her beer.

The worst of it was, Ben had a point. He hadn’t actually said ‘“fuck the pain away” is a thing’, but… it really wasn’t hard to see Mason deciding that the best way to take his mind off his heartbreak was to have a meaningless fuck with any one of the various Morgans of the world, most of whom would happily attach themselves to him and do whatever he wanted, so long as he kept his wallet open and they could be seen out and about with him.

“What are you going to say to her?” Amy asked at last, and wondered whether, if Ben replied “pretty much what I’ve just said to you”, that would even be a bad thing. She wanted her friend to be happy, but this situation couldn’t go on. Not least, she thought with a worried frown, because how is it going to work if she can’t even be in the same room as Mason, and she works for his dad? “I just want to see if she’s alright,” Ben said, more gently than she’d expected. “After that… not really getting involved. It’s up to them to figure it out.”

#ben chilwell fanfiction #ben chilwell #chelsea fc #england nt #football fanfic

[golbrocklovely]

I can’t help but feel sorry for all the girls who have caught feelings for Colby. I mean we don’t really know what goes on behind the scenes. We do know he’s very flirty though. And even though he probably (hopefully) tells them beforehand he’s not looking for anything serious... I still think he should be more careful with their feelings. Some people fall in love easily and they can’t help it. Sometimes feelings creep in when you don’t want them to. I don’t think the girls should be completely bashed while Colby gets off free. He’s definitely not innocent and too many times has he been in a situation where the girl gets hurt bc he rejects them or doesn’t give them what they want which results in subtle tweets or insta stories. He doesn’t owe them anything. I understand that. But he can’t continue doing what he does and not expect anyone to catch feelings. He gets himself in these situations and honestly I stopped empathizing with him a long time ago. We have no idea what he’s telling them off camera that could be making them think there’s something there. And while we all like to think we know him- we actually don’t. We literally know nothing about Colby except for the parts he wants us to see.

i completely agree with you that we don't know the full story. and i know that colby isn't completely innocent when it comes to these situations. it would be silly to think he's done nothing wrong ever. but i also don't think anyone one here thinks that completely either.

i mean, we literally joke about him ghosting girls left, right, and center, and how he's a slut (not that that's a bad thing) lol so we never fully say he's "innocent".

he's on countless occasions said he's not emotionally available, he's not ready for a relationship, he's not healed from his past one, and he's not ready to commit to anyone. colby has outwardly, to the public, also said since like mid-2018 that he likes being single, doesn't want a gf, and is too young to settle down right now. he's said this for years. and this is what he's said publicly so i can only imagine what he says privately. now of course, maybe behind the scenes he doesn't always rely that info to the girls, and if that is the case, he's a dickhead for that. and i feel like if that has happened, which i do believe it has, he's paid the price for it.

but i think in recent years he's gotten better at laying the law down (at least a bit) and telling the girls he gets with he's only interested in flings and nothing beyond that.

whether or not the girls listen, or think that they can "fix him" and thus ignore his warning so to speak, is another story.

#ask #personal #cb ll

[just-my-type-x]

She definitely didn't gain all her fame from him, that's true, cuz she had to maintain what she achieved, which is normal and any person would do that. And no it will never change, but tbh i really hope everything was ok with her record label and didn't break things off with them bc they were mistreating her or stealing from her. I know record labels are shit and their managers are just dickheads most of the time and it's great she went independent no matter what // She didn't really say she broke with the recordlabel. In her last insta post she said that she was being roadblocked and she couldn't release her music and that she is happy to continue as an I dependent artist. So I guess her music label wasn't treating her right but like you say what's new with record labels lol. But she has been silent since that post tbh

Maybe she's working on releasing her music

[punkscowardschampions]

Janis & Casey Pt.1

Janis: I didn’t wanna bother you about it ‘til I was far enough along

Janis: but reckon I am now

Janis: gonna call Jim in a bit, get him home and see if it’s time to go hospital 

Casey: She might be false alarming you, bit of a little dickhead like that, her

Casey: let me know before I get on a plane, yeah

Janis: ‘course

Janis: no need to panic, still probably take ages, even trying do loads at home

Casey: who’s panicking, just reckon it’s too early for all that, unless she takes after me being shit at counting too, it probably ain’t happening yet

Janis: I’m pretty sure, like

Casey: Shit, alright, I should book a flight then

Janis: unless she really takes the piss, definitely be here in a day

Casey: she’ll have no mates left if she’s gonna take the piss that much

Janis: been having to count the contractions, already bored of her shit tbh

Casey: if I were her I’d be leaving it out til I could hold my own head up but there’s no telling that girl, never has been

Janis: wouldn’t be my kid if she didn’t come into this world starting shit

Casey: and I’d not like her half as much, which is obviously all she’s bothered about

Janis: tell her you’re on your way, she’ll hurry up

Janis: I don’t wanna do this for hours and hours

Casey: but I’ll be at least 4, she can’t be coming out quicker than that

Casey: typical of her to show up when I’ve had to put my phone on bloody airplane settings

Janis: not gonna send you spoilers, can first see her in person

Janis: probably look a right state, don’t want that all over socials, does she

Casey: Least you can’t tag her, unless you’re distracting yourself being that kind of mum and making her a insta

Janis: pain makes you a twat, yeah, might do

Janis: have to think of a name first

Casey: I dunno if it gives you a personality transplant no more than being off your face, but I get it, you fancy the excuse and somewhere to brag about the actual state of how cute she is

Casey: can be where he chucks all the bollocks pics and vids he’ll be cracking on with soon as you let him an’ all, spare the few dickheads on his friends list

Janis: gonna be well awkward for her if she’s weird looking

Casey: more awkward for me coming all that way back and having to pretend I’m still dead chuffed to meet her

Janis: more for me, putting this work in

Janis: throw her away

Casey: How bad’s it, scale of [worst injury he’s ever had seriously] to toe getting smacked off the doorframe in the early hours when every other twat’s sleeping

Janis: hard to compare it when it’s new, can only compare it to a period and it’s worse than that but that also means fuck all to you so dunno

Janis: no other twat is here though so at least I can be dramatic about it

Casey: lasses get really dramatic about them, I know that

Janis: and you being so sympathetic, I can only imagine, like

Casey: I can’t help it if they’re trying to use it as a reason why they can’t see me on a night and only get more mardy when I ain’t to be put off by no blood

Janis: most are more squeamish than you, like

Casey: about their own too, can always tell the lads who’ve never been hit 

Janis: no blood yet, always a good sign

Casey: you’d be ringing him if there were, however gutted you’d be not having the house to yourself for no longer

Janis: not that stupid, yeah

Casey: and he’s not that useless, like

Janis: ‘course not, everyone knows what to do, hospital takes over soon as we get there

Casey: yeah, you’ll have nowt to worry about when you get there and they dish your drugs out

Janis: I should’ve waited ‘til she was out

Casey: What you saying that for

Janis: I hate it, worrying people, makes it worse

Casey: oi, none of that, I’m good, you’re my 2 best mates, neither of you would do anything to wind me up

Janis: I just wanna hide

Casey: keep up your counting and I reckon that’ll be alright for a bit, where are you

Janis: kitchen, I was trying to have some food

Casey: good shout, state of what they’d chuck at you when you’re on the ward

Janis: need strength, and to not puke up all my drugs

Casey: go on then, what you having 

Janis: [list all the possible drugs you could have like that bitch]

Janis: what were you doing

Casey: 😏 can’t be bad

Casey: Just got out the shower when you messaged, I was done though, you’re alright, no need to stress yourself about getting shampoo in my eyes

Janis: you can’t be looking good when you get here, like

Janis: not saying go rub some dirt in it but

Casey: there’d be no point, I’ll be looking top anyway, dunno who else you’re inviting that’d work for, bit awkward you’ve got the wrong chat, but have to let you off as you’re in pain

Janis: not gonna invite my other boyfriend, he’d cum in his pants

Janis: bet a pregnancy kink ends before the birth, not going that hard

Casey: never realised I had to promise to not before I’d be let in

Casey: even more awkward, that

Janis: 😏

Janis: s’a bit bad manners but I don’t mind

Casey: tah for both the warning and the understanding there

Janis: what I’m known for

Janis: or will be when I rebrand my socials 

Casey: unfollowed already me, only there for the #bumpupdates I’ve told you before

Janis: oi, you have to be nice to me right now, dickhead

Casey: [an out the shower selfie to be nice]

Janis: reconsidering being your mate

Casey: [a slightly more extra one, think towel vs no towel energy]

Janis: you are so distracting

Janis: thank you

Janis: though probably against all medical advice

Casey: You know I don’t listen to nobody but you

Janis: I know I feel better, seeing and talking to you

 Casey: do you want me to call you, see me proper

Janis: if I look bad you’ll tell me to ring him

Casey: nah, if you feel bad you’ll wanna, it ain’t up to me

Casey: I trust you to sort this, I’m only trying to give you a hand where I can

Janis: I’m just freaking out about everyone freaking out

Casey: no shit, ‘cause yeah, that is what he’s gonna do, but I’m not him

Casey: you can show me how you feel and I’ll not make it about me

Janis: I wish you were here, that I was allowed to want that as much as I do

Casey: you are, I’ve said it, it don’t matter what anybody else thinks, we can deal with that later

Janis: do any of us know how to deal with that

Janis: that I want you there more than him, that shouldn’t be a thing

Casey: but it is and that’s all I care about right now, forget him, he’s still her dad whether he’s pissing about at your bedside doing your head in or not, loads of ‘em miss it down the pub or at work and they’ve gotten over it

Casey: if you weren’t together you’d give him a ring after to come and have a look and that’d be that

Janis: we are together though and he wouldn’t get over it

Janis: that’s just the reality of it

Janis: I just get why animals piss off and do it by themselves now

Casey: the reality is you want me there so say the word and I will be, fuck everything else

Janis: come when she’s here, like we planned

Janis: anything else just

Casey: okay

Janis: that’s my final answer, honest

Janis: not gonna keep pissing about 

Casey: I don’t wanna make it more of a headfuck than it’ll already be, not gonna keep on at you about what you should or shouldn’t do

Janis: you’re literally doing everything right

Janis: too right, which is making me wanna go back on what I know is, that’s all

Casey: I’m here now and I’ll be there as soon as you can have visitors, if we do as much as before you get him to take you in, that’s sod all time you’ll have to hack without me

Janis: not regretting how needy I am yet

Casey: you’ve not even asked for nowt 

Janis: just you

Casey: piss easy, going nowhere til the airport

Janis: I’d say you’d done this before if I didn’t know better

Casey: Debbie didn’t take me being her fave that far, if I’d been a bit older and a lass, maybe

Janis: thank god you ain’t, imagine how fucked you’d be then

Casey: not your type’s too heartbreaking to imagine

Janis: you’d be a weird-looking girl, definitely

Casey: rude

Janis: can take it as you’re just that manly, babe, wouldn’t work

Casey: you can take a walk, mate

Casey: literally, gravity’ll do you and the kid loads of favours

Janis: just practising my insults for later when I’m high and start in on everyone just trying to help

Casey: gutted not to have a front row seat for it, be like the old days, I’d fancy you all over again

Janis: when’d you stop fancying me then

Casey: I’ve yet to, it’s you reckoning this will put me off

Janis: have to top myself at this point

Janis: even if I stole your phone and deleted everything I’ve said and sent, you’d still know

Casey: lucky for you, you’re dead wrong

Janis: still loads I can do for you, even if my body is a no-go for a bit

Casey: your body’s been off limits for a decade, think I’ll live for as long as this labour takes, like

Janis: I don’t wanna disappoint that kid

Janis: if it ain’t meeting then exceeding everything he imagined then what am I doing

Casey: that kid was 12, he’d not seen a real lass naked never mind owt else, I don’t reckon you’ve got much to worry about if you’ve got him in mind

Janis: exactly, all he had was imagination and an internet connection

Janis: well fussier than you, mate

Casey: piss off, dickhead

Janis: don’t be jealous of your old self

Casey: shut up, I’ll be jealous of who I like, nothing you can do about it

Janis: not his fault he has taste 

Casey: I’ve got his same taste, if you’re after trying to deny that you’re only taking the piss out yourself

Janis: just you don’t be mean to him, got a soft spot for that kid

Casey: his massive soft spot for you’ll have something to do with it, I’d bet

Janis: how dare you suggest it’s not entirely selfless

Janis: you were funny, and sweet 

Casey: when’d I stop being funny and sweet then

Janis: you didn’t, that’s the problem

Janis: you did try for a bit though, can’t say you didn’t

Casey: oh alright, I’ll be a twat to you now if it’s such a problem

Janis: alright, was the problem

Janis: better?

Casey: it’ll do

Janis: was you who said we were never mates, boy

Casey: I’ve said loads of shit 

Janis: that was the meanest though

Casey: I’m sorry

Janis: me too, for all of it

Janis: just in case I die

Casey: fuck off will you leave me or my best mate, neither of us are having that

Janis: tell her to start being nice then, her that’d finish me off, not my plan here

Casey: [a voice note that has such daddy energy for this bub lol]

Janis: well

Janis: if that ain’t told her

Casey: Come on, you’ve got some breathing to do before you need telling off an’ all

Janis: um, I have been breathing this whole time

Janis: just a few exceptions and that’d be your fault, actually

Casey: funny

Casey: you better have been standing up and walking about this whole time like I said to or we are gonna fall out

Janis: I’ve seen the telly shows like you

Janis: basically doing laps here

Casey: I’ve done loads of reading, have you know

Janis: cute nerd

Janis: you must like me

Casey: must do, never gave me no chance to retrain as a midwife up here, what else would it be for

Janis: soz but 0 chance any woman wants a fit lad helping her give birth

Janis: unless she’s well cocky about the state of her vag

Casey: you do, so yeah, sounds about right, that

Janis: I want you there ‘cos you’ve done so much research

Janis: not just any hot idiot, tah 😏

Casey: I’ve only done it ‘cause I love you, any lad hanging about who had a look at you would feel the same and crack on becoming an expert

Janis: I love you, I’m glad its you

Casey: I’m glad I wasn’t asleep

Janis: timing could be a lot worse

Casey: if any dickhead had bothered giving me a job I probably would’ve been, she really decided nah, sod letting me sort any of that

Janis: are you ready to come back

Casey: ‘course, she’s ready to be born, that were the plan

Janis: three weeks before we were expecting

Casey: way it’s going I’d still not be offered no work by then

Janis: could pay you for your expertise 

Casey: I am gonna make you some well nice drinks 1st chance you get to be off your face outside of a hospital setting

Janis: probably gonna say childcare help not private bartender but not mad about it

Janis: long as I remember to feed her beforehand

Casey: potato, potato, babe

Casey: point is, we might as well be unemployed together

Janis: you won’t be fuming about it

Casey: that a question or answer

Janis: answer

Janis: can reckon I’m well naive for it later if we need

Casey: Nah, if I could hack a newborn as a kid I can do it piss easy now

Janis: it’ll be less stressful than that by default, no offence Bob

Casey: all of us chucked in the one room so they got to keep their own were a right laugh, tah to whichever of ‘em had the bright idea

Janis: always had their priorities set

Casey: yeah, never missed a day of primary, top alarm, our kid

Janis: all just help each other, why else would you bother having more than one, suppose

Casey: right, and all lads, no need for it to get awkward sharing

Casey: like they did plan it

Janis: #blessed

Janis: where’s their parenting blog, like

Casey: fucked by the deafness but they had a good run for, what, months there

Janis: they made it to 3, I really can’t say fuck all

Casey: she did, he’s showing off by how far he went while doing fuck all

Janis: keep telling you I don’t fancy him, no need to try put me off

Casey: Yeah you do, no need to start your protesting, trying to act like you never

Janis: 💔 he’ll never show up at the hospital

Casey: didn’t for ours, be typical if he went in for being that kind of granddad no dickhead asked for

Janis: swear it’s always those ones, gonna make up for your shit go of it by spoiling the grandkids so they’re right brats, undoing any good work your kid is trying to put in 👌 

Casey: if it wasn’t bad enough you fancy him more than you do me, he thinks he’s gonna take my job turning her right spoilt off me an’ all, fuck that, he ain’t coming in

Janis: have to pretend to turn his car around, like

Casey: long as you pretend you’re chuffed when I’m the one walking in

Janis: reckon I can manage that, yeah

Casey: ain’t no actress, do your best

Janis: ‘scuse you

Janis: *award-winning 

Casey: lying to you’s not nice, means I can’t

Janis: rude 😡

Casey: What do you wanna be good at faking shit for anyway

Janis: you don’t want me to lie to you but can’t deny it’s going to come in handy otherwise

Casey: Libi’s the only dickhead about who might work out you was, can just tell her she ain’t coming in either

Janis: I’m not having everyone show up at the hospital, fuck that, really take the piss out of the visiting hours, like

Casey: you’ll both be in and out, can’t be having a revolving door fitted for some lass who’s only a bit famous

Janis: what happened to being nice

Janis: being slanderous now

Casey: hang on, weren’t that comforting, you said you didn’t fancy being there ages

Janis: didn’t need to call me BIT famous to get me out the door

Casey: soz, love, I’m giving mardy midwife a go, to get you ready

Janis: can’t wait to not listen, ruin their day proper

Casey: hearing all about it’ll make mine, no offense to the kid, I’ll be buzzing to meet her as well but

Janis: she’s being bit boring right now, can say it

Casey: dunno if we can call it boring

Janis: she might take the hint if I do

Janis: sick of this nonsense

Casey: [telling his bub off again lol]

Janis: 😍😍

Janis: alright

Casey: I wish there were more I could do for you right now, like 

Janis: I know, I feel the same

Janis: should just be able to rip her out, ‘stead of all this waiting and feeling useless

Casey: pisstake you can’t proper massage yourself, that’d actually help

Janis: it’s all about fucking relaxing, like it’s that easy

Casey: if I was there it would be, should’ve let me come back, you dickhead

Janis: what I get for trying to be fair

Casey: yeah, forget that next time you reckon you should bother being anything but selfish, lesson to you

Janis: right, sorry to you Jim but you’re only going to make me worse so you sit this out and I’ll have Case in instead, no particular reason

Casey: money on you not being the first lass to have her best mate in

Janis: gonna have to pretend to be that ugly girl or get very homo for any midwife to okay it

Casey: I’ll just tell them it’s my kid, not like you’ll be seeing them once you’ve pissed off back home

Janis: no kid #2 now, nah

Casey: say it out loud and she’ll start behaving, all she wants to hear, is that

Janis: should know it’s a given this point

Casey: talk to her, you’re both trying to hack this headfuck

Janis: she’s not my mate anymore 

Janis: she’s not gonna pissing come out and I don’t wanna be cut open

Casey: ‘course she will

Janis: promise

Casey: we’re all shitting ourselves here, her included, but it’ll be alright

Janis: yeah

Casey: if I have to read every bloody blog on the internet scrolling past hundreds of pictures of weird looking babies and lasses who ain’t milfs to sort this, I will do

Janis: you’re amazing, you know, no pisstake

Janis: I’m going to try and distract myself, I think, best way to handle this right now

Casey: What you’ve gotta do is think of some twat you hate and send the pain where they are, that’s what I did when I were a kid, before I had sod all other ways to handle it, he’d hit me and I go, right, who’s having this one, then pick some dickhead off the playground who’d done my head in earlier on in the day

Janis: I just hate him so much

Janis: should’ve been sending it right back to him, poor kid

Casey: there you go, you can chuck yours at him for us

Janis: I won’t let him anywhere near her, you know

Casey: I meant it when I said nor would I

Janis: I wish I could’ve protected you

Casey: you’ve protected me from loads worse than him

Janis: not enough

Casey: I meant it when I said it wasn’t your responsibility too, you know that it ain’t

Janis: I still wanna, hard habit to break

Janis: even though we’ve both proved we can make shit life choices all on our own

Casey: It’s enough that he’ll never get nowhere near her

Janis: no cunt will

Casey: I’d kill ‘em, shit life choice or nah

Janis: see you in prison then, ‘cos me too

Casey: you can visit me after I’ve sworn it were nowt to do with you, yeah

Janis: you would as well, heroic idiot

Casey: she needs you, it’s that simple

Janis: I need you

Casey: good job I’m keeping her away from any bad influences then

Janis: it’s fucked

Janis: how easy I can imagine it all with you

Casey: It’s not fucked, you love me, what else would you imagine

Janis: it’s fucked because she’s not yours

Casey: and what, I can still look after her even though she ain’t

Janis: just feel shit to you both

Casey: well don’t, you shouldn’t have to fuck him for him to bother with her and I’m not her mate only ‘cause I fancy you

Janis: I know both of those things are true

Casey: can’t make a worse go of it than your rich sister and her husband once that gay bloke pussied out of properly being about, how’s that for comforting

Janis: 😏 the comparison I’ve been waiting my whole life for, duh

Casey: you trust me, yeah

Janis: you know I do

Casey: and you’ve heard me say I’m not gonna let anything fuck her life up so

Janis: it’s not her I’m worried about

Casey: I’m not gonna just tell him to piss off either

Janis: you didn’t sign up for this

Casey: how did I not, can’t say I didn’t know what I was getting myself into

Janis: I know it’s stupid

Janis: I just wish you and me had got time together before her and this whole thing, that’s all

Casey: that ain’t the way it’s gone, we’re gonna have time together all of us

Janis: you really don’t mind, do you

Casey: if I minded I wouldn’t be having this chat, I’d not be here at all how it were when I thought I did

Janis: didn’t force you by being whiny about it or nothing, alright, can ignore me then

Casey: couldn’t ignore how fit you was but probably going a bit far to say that forced me into anything, like

Janis: always been that, soz

Casey: Yeah, them other pregnant lasses in with you are gonna be so fuming soon as you claim a bed

Janis: is a good reason not to have you in, actually

Janis: can’t be trusted, you

Casey: oi, said you did a sec ago

Janis: just remembered I seen your search history so

Casey: but you’re forgetting about being the hottest one there somehow, as if that came out of my mouth ages ago itself

Janis: might take me a while to get used to being the only one you’re interested in

Casey: oh soz, never realised a decade wouldn’t be long enough for you to get your head round it

Janis: that’s an unfair comparison, even if you thought it, not how it’s been, tah

Casey: I get it, the week I’ve been up here breaking northern lasses hearts left right and centre ain’t been long enough either, give us chance to do the same in dublin and you’ll be happy

Janis: does it feel weird

Janis: not saying you’d literally fuck anything before but

Casey: Maybe if I’d been working, it’s felt like part of it since I’ve done clubs

Janis: yeah, can see how that makes sense

Casey: but I won’t miss it, can still babysit loads of drunk lasses without taking them home and tucking them in

Janis: probably not the best idea anyway

Casey: not if they’re all actually underage, nah

Janis: fuck’s sake

Casey: bit late for me to go back with a CV and take the lad’s job who worked the door, massive black mark against my name in town by now, way she can’t ever shut her mouth

Janis: bit late to tell you how much of an idiot you are as well

Casey: if it takes your mind off the pain, crack on

Janis: nothing I can say to make it worse

Casey: isn’t there

Janis: not without telling you shit you already know, doubt it

Casey: alright

Janis: you who looks stupid and fucked loads of job prospects, not to mention the rest

Casey: yeah

Janis: why the fuck are we even talking about this anyway

Casey: you asked

Janis: you brought her up

Casey: and its distracted you, hasn’t it

Janis: not in a good way, no

Casey: forget I did then, you were spot on, it’s my problem, nobody else’s

Janis: not what I said, let’s just not act like it was a joke when blatantly fucking not

Casey: if you wanna tell me how you think I should be dealing with it, go on, you’re welcome to have a say

Janis: I know I can’t sort out what you fucking did for you, or if it were that easy it wouldn’t be a problem

Casey: and if it weren’t as sorted as it’s gonna get, I wouldn’t be coming back, so no need to worry about it

Janis: I can’t make shit worse for you, I’m not gonna do it

Casey: you’re not doing that, I dunno why you’d reckon otherwise

Janis: my life’s shit, what if it infects yours 

Casey: Bollocks, he made you depressed for a bit and I never helped, but it’s different now

Janis: I want it to be

Casey: it is, I’ll not leave you again, neither of us are on our own with none of it no more

Janis: okay

Janis: I’m just scared ‘cos it hurts, nothing else

Casey: I know, baby

Casey: I’m here though, what do you want me to do

Janis: I just wanna be with you so bad, that’s all

Janis: and sleep until I’m not knackered

Casey: okay, let’s have a lie down together

Janis: you fell asleep well quick the other night, it was the best thing 

Casey: not gonna tell you that you have that effect ‘cause it sounds well rude but you know what I mean

Janis: I’d take it, even though it really worked against me before when you were meant to wake me up

Casey: be on my deathbed fuming about that, if it’s any consolation

Janis: I’ll just wake you up myself in your standard bed before then

Casey: I’ll take that, whenever you fancy it

Janis: when you’ve caught up on your sleep, so I don’t feel bad

Casey: got loads this week, perks of being unemployed, you don’t have to

Janis: now I’m distracted

Janis: your sleepy face is too adorable

Casey: What about this face

Casey: [and a selfie being a nerd, probably grinning]

Janis: I love that face, going to kiss it so soon

Casey: now I’m distracted

Janis: good, I still can’t stop thinking about your lips, even with all this so well rude if it weren’t the same for you

Casey: Think about where you wanna bite me next time it hurts

Janis: shit, that’s so

Casey: long as you kiss it better later you can do as hard as you need to

Janis: I know how to look after you, trust me, I’ve thought about it loads

Casey: tell me where then

Janis: I think I most wanna bite your adam’s apple

Casey: fuck

Janis: when you talk I just stare at it sometimes, I’ve always wanted to stop you mid-sentence

Casey: stop me in the middle of every sentence if that’s how you’re planning to

Janis: you can try and remember what you needed to say to me whilst I kiss it better

Casey: challenge accepted, ‘cause it really fucking will be

Janis: I just like the thought of changing what you were gonna say that easy

Casey: do you not realise how easy it always is for you to get me like that

Janis: be a bit mean if I never let you say anything, to me and you

Casey: we’ve got sign language, give a fuck if you never let me talk again

Janis: have to put your tongue to better uses then

Casey: would be properly relaxing

Janis: dunno if that’s the word I’d pick first

Casey: shh, it’s the medically approved one, they don’t need to know how fast your heart’s going, between the 3 of us, that

Janis: no one else needs to know

Casey: what else are mates for but keeping each other’s secrets

Janis: I like having a secret with you, it turns me on, have that secret too, idc

Casey: we’re gonna have so many you’ll be turned on constantly

Janis: so turned on it’ll be hard keeping it between us, yeah

Casey: I dunno how we’ll keep that quiet

Janis: it’s obvious already

Casey: I do fucking love that about you, no secret there

Janis: how am I meant to hide how much I need you

Casey: you’re not meant to, show me every time

Janis: *all the time

Janis: It’s getting me that I would be fucking you so hard right now if you were here

Casey: you wouldn’t need to go to hospital, I could fuck the baby out for you

Janis: I want that instead, I want you instead

Casey: no drugs, just me

Janis: you’re better, this feels so 

Casey: you know all I want is to make you feel good

Janis: you’re so good for me

Casey: we’re allowed, everything I’ve read keeps telling me I should fuck you

Janis: when you’re trying to be so good too

Casey: sounds like something dickheads would say when their missus isn’t in the mood, to be fair

Janis: not something you need to worry about

Janis: I know it’s true, they bang on about it loads

Casey: I should be there

Janis: I should’ve let you

Casey: you’re trying to do what’s right, it ain’t your fault

Janis: only fucked myself over 

Casey: sod’s law, but that don’t mean I’m letting you suffer, fuck that

Janis: you’re so nice

Casey: I love you more than anything

Janis: oh

Janis: let’s be together

Casey: we will

Janis: more than mates

Casey: you can have everything off me I’ve got to give you

Janis: I just wanna be yours

Casey: you are mine

Janis: I am, so yours right now

Casey: always, from right now

Janis: keep me

Casey: I promise, nothing and nobody is gonna stop me no more

Janis: I don’t wanna stand in our way, I only want to be with you

Casey: then that’s what we’ll do

Janis: all you needed was me to tell you what you knew

Janis: who is going to stop you now, no one

Casey: all that matters is you wanting it as much as me, as long as you do, I can handle owt else

Janis: want it more, I reckon

Casey: go on, tell me how you reckon that

Janis: literally distracting me from labour, how you gonna top that, like

Casey: I did fall over, like

Janis: never over it

Casey: see, even you’re admitting that tops it

Janis: oi no I never

Janis: just agreeing you do want it very, very bad still

Casey: the most

Janis: you can’t fight me for it right now, unlucky

Casey: I could but I’d rather let you have it, if only this once

Casey: ‘cause making you feel better at the minute is a massive win for me an’ all

Janis: long as you know it’s not gonna just be this once

Casey: that’s fighting talk, I’m trying to be nice to you

Janis: I missed every side of you, that’s all

Casey: [block and unblock her for those bants] 

Janis: who else do I let act like that much of a dickhead, like 😍

Casey: [the hottest smoking selfie for that throwback but more extra cos that’s the mood rn]

Janis: now you’re just

Janis: okay, I asked for that, like

Casey: Kind of dickhead would I be if I didn’t give you more of what you miss 

Janis: the list of shit I’m doing soon as she’s out is short but sweet

Casey: [a lil video of him taking a drink of whatever random booze is lying about in whatever friend’s gaff he’s in rn, from the bottle so it’s blatant what it is and again being the most extra about it obvs, swallowing so deliberate and all that jazz]

Janis: when does your flight get in

Casey: [a time when we’re assuming this birth will be over cos she wanted him out of the way, whether it actually is over or not is tbd cos boy you don’t fully realise how long it can take]

Janis: that’s a long way to count but I’ll have to try

Casey: I’ll try and change it for a sooner one if that’s what you really want, but you said I have to leave you to it

Janis: no, that’s as good a flight as any

Janis: you should just already be here but that’s on me

Casey: I miss you too, need to be with you too

Janis: it’s gonna be alright, she’s doing what she needs to do, so are we

Casey: yeah 

Janis: I promise, they’re getting closer together, the contractions

Casey: don’t fuck up your counting waiting for me

Janis: I won’t, anyway, they always act like you’ve shown up way too early

Casey: as if you’re a dickhead mad excited for your 1st holiday, pissing about in the airport for what feels like years before

Janis: just dead keen to get on the gas and air, girls, yeah

Janis: not that much of a giggle, only have me doing laps there instead of at home so fuck it

Janis: sure he’ll be pissed off how late I left it to call him but

Casey: he’s putting himself in danger of being the one who needs a&e if he’s hanging about doing your head in, tell him he’s welcome you never knocked him out 

Janis: the bags packed and you have to keep the car full of petrol like we’re driving through a war zone at any moment

Janis: his jobs are sorted

Casey: not gonna say again you don’t need him but

Janis: but I know

Janis: it’s not about need, where we’re at now

Casey: state of him if he weren’t there’d probably be worse than how he’ll be when he is, you’re right 

Janis: if he sees I’m calm, as I can be, then he’ll be as well

Casey: then I’ll keep you calm as I can til it’s over

Janis: how are you

Casey: You’re funny

Casey: and cute

Janis: but dead serious 😤

Casey: I get to see you in a bit, I’m well chuffed, what else would I be

Janis: it’s exciting, now

Casey: I get it if seeing me ain’t top of your list, it’s alright

Casey: I’d be prioritising the kid coming out of me soon as if I was you 

Janis: I know you would

Casey: are you not

Janis: yes and no

Casey: you’re scared about what’s gonna happen once she’s here, I get that an’ all

Janis: what’s she gonna be like

Casey: Like you, I reckon

Janis: 🤔

Casey: but cooler, obviously, seeing as she already is

Janis: piss off, you’re just massively biased

Casey: me nor her can’t help that you’re old

Janis: I am not, you wish I was a real milf

Casey: it’s how you behave, not how you look

Janis: you’d know, perv

Casey: yeah, expert at this point

Janis: dedicated 🤓

Casey: you’re welcome, mate

Janis: did keep me entertained

Casey: We watching [milf porn] now then or what

Janis: get me ready for how to behave, yeah

Janis: alright, watch party it is

Casey: 😏

Janis: I’m gonna find one

Casey: keep me entertained

Janis: [one where the woman is as pregnant as you about to drop casually]

Casey: oh

Casey: well done

Janis: might make us nothing more than jealous yet but

Casey: I dunno where you got that idea, sounds nowt like us

Janis: not the first time I’ve been turned on and fuming, s’alright

Casey: me either

Janis: not the first time it’s my fault or yours an’ all

Casey: keeping count of that as well, are you 

Janis: lost count ages ago, more like 

Casey: can’t say I’m fuming about that

Janis: not now, been only you making me fuming for ages so

Casey: knew you’d chuck all the blame my way on the 1 day I can’t argue back

Janis: you deserve it 😏

Casey: you deserve my best behaviour, least while she’s kicking off, so I’m saying nothing

Janis: how will I know who I’m talking to, like

Casey: have to look at me instead

Janis: alright but you’re not looking at me

Casey: what, you reckon I’m doing all this to get your camera turned on and trick you into giving me chance to check the state you’re in

Janis: obvs

Casey: I thought you knew me better than that, girl 

Janis: I know you better than most anyone

Casey: where’s your trust gone then, like

Janis: if I look how I felt at the worst of it, it won’t be anything worth seeing

Casey: I’m only pissing about, no visuals off you if they’re gonna make you stressed

Janis: gutted I can’t 😎 through the whole thing

Casey: He’d not stop you

Janis: got some shame though, even if I never see ‘em again, pretending to be blinds a bit much

Casey: told you a bit famous were right

Janis: yeah, not getting me a private room, why’d I ever bother                                 

Casey: if you’d got me there I’d have sorted it, no bother whoever I had to flirt with

Janis: how noble of you

Janis: I’ll just stay here

Casey: Alright, I’ll deliver the baby over the phone, even more impressive

Janis: how far your research has gone, yeah

Casey: how hard can it be anyway, you’re the one putting the real work in, only have to nod and tell you to crack on

Janis: think there’s more to it than that but what do I know

Janis: I don’t wanna do it

Casey: I don’t want you to do it either, but bit rude of me to make her stay in there forever just so as you can keep on looking hot as fuck

Janis: fine with me

Janis: take the morning sickness back and everything

Casey: no shit, have me to hold your hair back this time, be loving it, you

Janis: go on then, say I don’t have to

Casey: you wanna be my only mate, that’s what it is

Janis: what if it is

Casey: don’t be such a selfish dickhead, tah very much

Janis: 🙄

Casey: and you can leave it out with that face, I heard you wanna meet her as much as I do

Janis: I’ve changed my mind again

Casey: Come on, where do you fancy biting me now

Janis: you don’t wanna know

Janis: really hate men right now, get it finally, ma

Casey: you’re really gonna make me point out I’ve never touched you, yeah, blow to my ego ain’t gonna have you feeling no better 

Janis: it ain’t personal, you’ve got a dick, you’ll never have to do this

Casey: I’ll never make you do it again, how’s that 

Janis: you like pregnancy, not the end result

Casey: steady on, you look fit, I’m not gonna sign myself up to an antenatal class for nowt but to be a massive pervert, or walk round the tesco fingers crossed for pregnant lasses 

Janis: would be getting a bit trenchcoat, yeah

Casey: no need to make me sound like a local menace

Janis: not even if it cheers me up, rude

Casey: it wouldn’t, too jealous, you

Janis: bold of you to assume I’d want anything to do with you if you were a massive pervert

Casey: is it

Janis: you’re right, it ain’t an if

Casey: I love you too

Janis: Shh, I’m too fragile for that

Casey: have a cry if you like, your husband’s not about

Janis: dunno if I can

Janis: or if I do wanna

Casey: a scream then

Janis: mrs [nosiest neighbour’s name] would be right ‘round

Casey: maybe, but she’d not stay long, soon scare her right off

Janis: missed an opportunity to say she’d be too gutted you weren’t about

Janis: slipping, boy

Casey: goes without saying, that’ll be why

Janis: 😏 too busy to notice her own husband is definitely a massive wrong’un

Casey: would distract you if he pops his head round, fucking hell, be no need to encourage any screaming

Janis: 😱🪓

Casey: I’ve escaped nightmares so far, it’d be typical of that dickhead to get involved and cause loads

Janis: I’ll try and remain intact for you 

Casey: draw the line at a scalpel and even then, I’d rather you didn’t

Janis: she’s clearly keen, shouldn’t have to, hopefully

Casey: good, I won’t have to send her another telling off

Janis: can always replay the other one if I wanna distract myself again

Casey: you can always have your own to replay, you know

Janis: you gonna tell me off too, yeah

Casey: I’ll tell you whatever you wanna hear

Janis: I miss you so much

Janis: how is it gonna be, when you get back, tell me that

Casey: [just so many voice notes about how they’re gonna be living their best lives honestly]

Janis: I’m gonna make that all come true for us

Casey: I wouldn’t have said it if I weren’t gonna make it happen, just you wait

Janis: I don’t wanna wait

Casey: it ain’t long you’ll have to

Janis: I hated it when you left, first time

Casey: get that out your head, we’re not thinking about shit times

Janis: just good ones

Casey: too right, babe

Janis: you’re 

Casey: nah, you

Janis: alright, I’m gonna try and eat something, have you

Casey: Not yet

Janis: you better

Janis: not worrying about you fainting 

Casey: at what, you’ve shown me nothing

Janis: funny, dickhead

Casey: you’re not having no ugly kid, not gonna hit the deck for less, am I

Janis: always weird looking at the start

Casey: not that weird though

Casey: and I only fall over for you at any rate

Janis: alright, let you have that, was pretty smooth

Janis: incapable of thinking about that and not being 😁

Casey: you gonna send me a pic of that at least

Janis: long as I take it and it don’t look like a 😬

Janis: [and do]

Casey: I’m gonna print that and stick it up round the whole ward, get them wannabe milfs rioting, have to give you a room away from the rest of the lasses for your own safety, like

Janis: psa on how to behave to not piss off the arsey midwives, like

Casey: good job you’re capping it after the 1 kid, not be allowed back

Janis: oi, everyone knows I’m a model patient 

Casey: see what you did there but you ain’t booked for no billboards at the minute so gotta slum it with the rest of the stay at home dickheads far as the arsey midwives are concerned

Janis: bit rude to remind me I’m gonna need the money

Casey: trying to take my own mind off how skint I am, that’s all

Janis: there’s plenty of bars that actually check IDs you’ll be able to get a job in

Casey: time and a place to bother about the gaps in my CV and this ain’t it 

Janis: who’s worrying

Casey: never you, just not that sort of lass 

Janis: I’ll call him, when I’m done eating

Casey: Okay, it’s that time

Casey: is there owt else you’re after from me before you do

Janis: I don’t think so

Janis: this is weird, I know

Janis: when we speak next, I’ll have a kid

Casey: and it’ll probably be in person, us in the same bloody place again

Casey: I’ll get to have a little chat to both of you

Janis: somehow still don’t feel real

Casey: yeah, I’d put money on it being a headfuck for ages yet

Janis: if you’re still taking the piss at this point, like

Janis: be an actual psychopath so not my fault

Casey: I’ll go take a test for that bollocks while you’re pissing about giving birth, top idea

Janis: just be serious about doing this and I’ll take you whatever you are

Casey: I couldn’t be more serious

Janis: show me your serious face and I’ll believe you

Casey: [do like a nerd]

Janis: there he is

Casey: I’ll be thinking of names for this kid when I’m not just missing you so fucking much

Janis: know I probably won’t have time but I reckon I’ll still miss you too

Casey: I love you

Janis: I love you

Casey: alright, piss off and have a baby, I’ll see you when you’re not off your face from the nhs drug freebies no more

Janis: you gonna make me comedown alone 👎

Janis: we’ll see you then though

Casey: gonna give you a different kind of high, still won’t cost nowt though, don’t worry

Janis: charging when you’ve said you love me would be shaming

Casey: mates rates, you’ll not get a better deal nowhere off nobody

Janis: such a twat 😏

Casey: on you go

Janis: 👋

Casey: in a bit, girls

Janis: if I’m not done by the time your flight is in, tell you when I am

Casey: okay

Janis: [obviously you cannot predict these things huns so you’re not gonna be on the dot but you have done a lot so it doesn’t need to be hours and hours of tortured waiting here]

Janis: She’s here

Casey: You did it, mate 🏆

Janis: just about

Casey: go on, how many other dickheads have you made cry

Janis: waiting for ‘em to bring my 🏆

Janis: she hasn’t much

Casey: She’s saving herself til visiting’s over and they chuck me out, who can blame her

Janis: she’s your bestie, has to know all about your ego demands, duh

Casey: knows how heartbreaking it is when I’m not about, more like

Janis: you’re gonna make my daughter cry, is that what you’re promising here

Casey: what kind of shit promise is that

Janis: is a bit disappointing

Janis: might be the drugs fucking off out my system though

Casey: least you’ve got your comedown to blame for reckoning I’ll get there and be disappointing, we’d be falling out, else

Janis: they’re being dramatic, s’doing my head in

Casey: About what

Janis: I had high blood pressure, but I didn’t know, it was fine last they checked

Casey: but when did they last bother to check, like

Janis: I might’ve missed an appointment

Casey: and they never gave you a ring to tell you off

Janis: sound as bad as them

Janis: I was going to, she decided to show up before I rearranged it

Casey: piss off do I, I’m agreeing with you here, it’s their fault, and a bit hers, not yours

Janis: she’s fine, they’re just lecturing that it might not’ve been

Janis: and making me stay and be monitored even though it goes right down when the kid is out so, what’s the point now

Casey: stay for how long

Janis: I don’t know

Casey: then bollocks to their set times to have the rest of the dickheads in and out, I’ll not leave til you can come with me

Janis: how are you gonna do that then

Casey: who’s stopping me

Janis: might notice you’re not him 

Casey: barely noticing you by the sounds of it, I doubt that

Janis: already bollocked me, can’t have a go at me on your behalf, like

Casey: I’ll be the perfect visitor anyway, be chuffed to keep me they will

Janis: typical you to wanna be every middle-aged midwife’s fave

Casey: oi, you’re my fave and I wanna stay with you, I’ve got no other motives but them

Janis: I can’t wait to see you, I’m sick of everyone here

Casey: I’m on my way now

Janis: soz it took longer than I thought

Casey: It don’t matter, nowt does except it’s done and you’re both alright

Janis: Nobody died, I still count it as a win

Casey: can get it engraved on the medal you’ve earned, yeah

Janis: only one I’ll be getting, so

Casey: how’d you work that out

Janis: even if he could bring himself to fancy us, never do this again

Janis: all he’s said is I should’ve rung him earlier

Casey: he would say that, he’s a twat

Casey: your boyfriend’d be well up for it though

Janis: doubt that, gonna think I’m well weird now

Casey: he’d have known it already working all them shifts with you, and if he’s got sod all sense, that you’re fit enough to get away with being dead weird an’ all

Janis: such a backhanded compliment

Casey: I get it, you’re only after proper ones

Janis: that ship has sailed, soz you didn’t get to get reunited 💔

Casey: nobody would’ve been more than him if we was

Janis: you who wants me to ask him to give me my next 👶🏻 some reason

Casey: I never said I fancied it, I said if you’re that gutted

Janis: it’s just weird, when you been waiting for something for ages, then once it’s done it’s just

Janis: done, you know

Casey: Bit rude to compare her to what a pisstake christmas is, but yeah

Janis: I’ve had some shit christmases but never quite that shit, like

Casey: rub it in, another thing I probably have to let you off with for today

Janis: you wanna have a row that bad, do you

Casey: who am I, ‘course I do, but there’d be no need to include you in it

Janis: you’re coming to see me, dickhead

Casey: hospital’s a massive maze, could have loads of rows before I get to your bedside

Janis: 😒

Casey: no need for that face either, I’m gonna kiss you when I do get there

Janis: promise

Casey: I swear I have to, yeah, we can’t keep on without

Janis: I missed you

Casey: it’s been doing my head in

Janis: I can’t imagine

Janis: I mean, I’ve waited around for babies to be born but not anyone I was the closest to

Casey: Promise you’re okay, no bollocks

Janis: I’m okay, swear on her life

Casey: she must be too, or really not your mate

Janis: she’s totally fine

Casey: I told you she’d take after you

Janis: I think so, now she’s less gross and red

Casey: 😏 you’re alright, weren’t gonna make a cuteness comparison if she’s still looking a state

Janis: I’d win so no worries

Casey: now I believe you’re feeling loads better

Janis: 😏

Janis: don’t get cocky yet, just nice to talk about anything else

Casey: me, never

Casey: it’s you talking about how good you reckon you look right now

Janis: *compared to the other bitches in beds rn, didn’t say I was runway ready, boy

Janis: lower your expectations, obvs

Casey: nah, there’s no comparison, and you better get yourself ready to meet my expectations in a sec ‘cause I’m here in the maze

Janis: rude of you to be so hot but I will because 

Casey: not her real dad, can’t threaten to turn round and go back home

Janis: you said you wouldn’t leave without me

Casey: I won’t, on my life

Janis: might have a 😁 for you then

Casey: tah, it’ll make me feel like less of a dickhead bringing through the all sorts I’ve come with for you

Janis: *us, know you’re not trying to make her fuming already

Casey: cute as the face’d be, I’m not the sort of mate to leave her out

Janis: not even my birthday yet, well spoilt

Casey: to be fair, ain’t every day you create a birthday for somebody else

Janis: could say miraculous, if you liked

Casey: you and your religious fantasies, so chuffed there’s a present for that, like 

Janis: okay now I’m excited

[shit-talk-turner]

The only thing I don't understand if my theory is true: why leave her for someone like Louise, just as superficial (she seems to be when you look her insta feed, maybe she's not IRL ?) ? Sorry if it sounds confused, I’m not fluent in English.

I see what you're saying, but I don't think any of the lyrics particularly point to him thinking poorly of her or thinking about a break up (though he certainly might have been and was just trying to be subtle).

I think he's also definitely being critical of himself here in the way you said. So maybe, if anything, he’s being critical of the two of them being “dickheads” in different ways? Lol if that makes sense.

Interesting thoughts though! I can see what you mean... Anyone else have any thoughts on "She Looks Like Fun"?

[a-jynx]

Hi love! How are you today? Also, I have a request for you. What do you think about, Platonic!Tommy x Reader, where they are bestfriends, and Tommy catches a cold, and gets all clingy with the reader, and ends up falling asleep in their arms. While he is asleep, reader goes live on insta, or tiktok, you choose, and “makes fun if him” for “not being clingy”. Just two best friends cuddling, ya know? 😅 (but nothing sexual)

Hello, hello dearest! I am doing pretty well, I hope you’re doing well! And I genuinely love everything about this request - it’s too adorable! Sick!Tommy definitely needs all the bestie cuddles he can get :D So I hope I do this request justice and thank you so much for the request !! <3

Platonic!Tommy x reader (I wasn't sure if you wanted C!Tommy or CC!Tommy, so I went with CC!Tommy since the Content Creators are who I've been writing for, however I can rewrite this! ) *Especially if against boundaries*

~~~~

You knew! You absolutely knew when Tommy told you about going to the water course, on a partially frigid day, something was going to happen, now look where he was… Acting like a whiny, snot-nosed toddler.

“Y/nnnnn,” Tommy’s voice trailed from your bed, making you shift in your seat to see the tall blond sprawled out against your covers, groaning and sniffling. “Tom, if you get as one drip of snot on my sheets,” your warning - of course - fell to deaf ears as he sat up, groaning from what you could tell was the sinus pressure and headache. “Would you like me to turn off the lights?” You murmured, hoping to not agitate his ache more than it already was, however, he gently shook his head.

“No, but forget your stupid editing for two seconds and come ‘ere,” he all but coughed as you winced, hearing the rawness in his throat and with the soft lights you could see his eyes were slightly red and teary, as well as nose blushed red from blowing it. You couldn’t help the roll of your eyes as you pushed your chair back, shaking your head at your ill best friend with a tut. You flopped onto the bed, causing him to jump with the impact with an annoyed huff - glancing at you with a frown. “That ‘stupid editing’ I’m doing is actually for your stupid channel, so watch it or I’ll corrupt all your files,” you bit, wiggling your fingers towards him, attempting to possible irritate him, but he just pushed your hand away and scooted back against your mountain of pillows with a groan. You laid next to him, pressing your shoulders together as you both stared at the dinghy ceiling.

“You wouldn’t dare,”

“Try me, big man,” you both broke into grins at the nickname as Tommy broke out into a fit of coughs, making you frown. Scooting closer, you wrapped him into a hug, not minding the warmth from his hoodie. He slumped into you, sighing as you both laid peacefully. It didn’t take long for Tommy’s snores to rattle you, blinking as you glanced at him - his mouth parted and a bit of drool sliding down his chin.

“Gross,” you rolled your eyes, grabbing your phone from it’s charging port with a wicked grin. Opening your phone, you maneuvered yourself to be comfortable with the weight of the lanky blonde boy in your arms as you clicked onto TikTok, grinning as you clicked the Go Live.

Viewers began to pour in as you glanced between the “hello” and “hi’s.” Since becoming one of Tommy’s few editors, and even jumping onto the bandwagon of streaming - you gained a following quickly.

“Hey, guys!” You whispered, keeping your voice a low hum as Tommy moved, somehow cuddling closer as you snickered, attempting to keep the phone steady on the two of you. “I’m a bit pinned down at the moment, so Tommy’s new video may take a bit to go out! But, how’re you all today?” You watched chat - catching a few ‘good!’ and ‘better now.’ You were thankful for the community you gained - yes, it may’ve been because your best friend was a well-known streamer, but you could care less! You were proud to be by Tommy’s side as he accomplished his biggest dreams, and you couldn’t be happier for him.

“Yes, Tommy is with me, chat - I know! Look at this absolute teddy bear! He’s like a child with a death grip on their mother’s arm!” You snickered, as the chat agreed adding a few ‘haha’s’ and laughing emojis as a few questions came in, leaving you to answer a few while adding a few jabs at Tommy for clinging to you when he always mentions how ‘big man’ and ‘macho’ he is. It was the perfect opportunity!

“I’ve known Tommy for awhile - we knew each other from when we were younger and sort of became inseparable,” you giggled, remembering how Tommy used to ask you for help to reach his juice cup or the cookie jar, but now you’re always asking for help from your tree-height best friend. “Plus, he’s the one that pushed me to get into editing and streaming - so we all have him to thank for pushing me out of my comfort zone.” You smiled as an annoyed groan came from beside you, making you freeze as chat began to spam ‘HE’S WAKING UP’ and ‘RUN Y/N RUN!!!’

Tommy moved to sit up carefully, his yawn even sounding scratchy as he coughed some, mindful to keep it away from you. He blinked, his eyes switching between your slightly widened eyes and the TikTok live stream, as well as chat still spamming for you to quickly book it while you still could.

“Y/n…” Tommy hummed with his hoarse voice, the scratch in it as you slowly began to sit up, moving to try and give yourself at least a small chance to run. “Why’re you live… On the TikTok community… Hm?” Each word came out a bit breathless as you could barely contain your grin, sitting up on one of your knees while your foot grazed the floor.

“Tommy, Tomathy, Tom Simons, Big Man, come on,” you giggled, moving your hands up to keep him back if he tried to grab you. “It’s nothing!”

Your persuasive argument - you really tried to get out of that one - didn’t work as he reached for you, only to be pulled off the bed as you leaned back to get away from him. A shout came from both of you as you landed on your thankfully carpeted floor - chat was spamming as you and Tommy groaned, laying in defeat beside one another as he reached over, ending your little live as you turned towards him, grinning.

“A TikTok live? Seriously?” Tommy groaned, dropping his head back against the plush carpet as you broke into a fit of giggles. “What?” He huffed as you wiped at a fake tear, gesturing towards his face as he frowned, reaching up and wiping away a thick line of drool that had clung to his chin.

Your soft laughter caused him to break out into a smile, joining in on the laughter as he rolled his eyes as you both held your sides, still laughing before you both settled into the soft flooring, your shoulders touching as you sighed, glancing outside. The sun had begun to set, leaving the room in a soft light - you knew Tommy had another vlog to do tomorrow with Jack, Tubbo and Ranboo. You turned towards him, smiling softly as Tommy glanced at you, still holding a bit of a frown.

“You’ve got a busy day tomorrow,”

“At least I’m not stuck editing,” he snickered as you punched his shoulder, making him cry out and rub at the wound.

“What the fuck!”

“I should make you edit your own vlogs, dickhead,” you groaned, moving to sit up as he followed your lead, huffing as he began to massage his temples. The reason why he came over suddenly came back to you.

“Shit, what’re you going to do about tomorrows’ vlog? You’re still sick,”

“I’m a big man, Y/n, I think I can handle a head cold-”

“Yeah, okay, not even half an hour ago you were whining and grumbling about your much your head hurt and how much you needed your best friend,”

“Aye! Don’t make me sound like a pussy!” He grumbled as you rolled your eyes, snatching your phone and flopping back onto your bed, going onto Twitter to see all of the screen records and clips your fans had gotten from your small live. Tommy sat on the floor glaring at you before standing, still glaring before attempting to climb over your comforted body.

“Tomathy!” You growled as he flopped back into his previous spot, snuggling into the comforting feel of your pillows and even your own warmth. It felt comforting for him to feel your precious, but he’s not a pussy so he’ll never admit it.

“Are you done?”

He side-eyed you, pursing his lips with a huff. Not answering as you rolled your eyes before returning to your hunt on Twitter. Tommy side-eyed you again, before scooting closer and watching a few of the clips with you. Tommy couldn’t hold back the scoff as there was a picture of him practically on top of you as you tried to speak to your chat.

“I am so sick of you,” he suddenly grunted as you glanced at him, rolling your own eyes while closing your phone and staring at the ceiling, once more that evening.

“I know you’re not, you can’t lie to your best friend, TommyInnit,” you scoffed as he sighed, closing his eyes as you felt your own body slowly become warm and comfy on your comforter, sighing as you and Tommy both began to drift asleep.

“You’re right.. But, I don’t see Tubbo here,” he mocked, his eyes still closed as you snapped open your eyes, frowning. You moved around some before snatching one of your smaller pillows and smacking it against his chest, causing him to yell out again.

“Now, I’M sick of you,” you huffed, settling in and closing your eyes as Tommy scoffed, as you two settled in, too tired for any more bickering and allowing you both to find comfort in your best friends arms once again - this time no lives, no chats, and no more annoying sniffles.

~~~~

a/n; I hope you enjoyed this anon! I definitely loved writing this, and I hope to see more requests in the future!

Until tomorrow, I hope you all have a beautiful day! ~ J

#dream smp x reader #platonic!tommyinnit x reader #tommyinit dsmp #platonic #best friends #dsmp x reader #mcyt #mcyt x reader #cc!tommy #*will change if need be*

[bee-snail]

4 and 5 for the TTS ask meme.

Sorry for taking so long to reply! I actually already answered question five before (and I feel like I also answered question four, but I can't remember...)

Either way, thank you for your ask! Here's my responses :]

4. "Which season was your favorite?"

Despite being considered the most "boring" season, I can't help but love season 2. It brought so many characters I love like Stalyan, Adira and Hector, Tromus, plus extra little lore like the Great Tree and the Dark Kingdom!

It also gave us the GOLDEN exchange,

"YOU WERE SUPpoSED TO CaTCH iT!!!"

"I WASNT READY! YOU GOTTAWARNME!"

"I SAID: H E R R R E E E "

BWAHAHA. I hate Demanitus with a passion but even I can't help but burst out laughing everytime I hear this line.

(I also headcanon that Zhan Tiri was the only idiot who ever laughed at "mon-KEY". Demanitus was proud of that forever)

5. "Did you prefer Cassandra's or Varian's villain arc?"

Varian's. No hesitation.

Pretty much everyone agrees that, since Varian's arc was the most well-written in comparison to Cassandra's, it's the best one between them, and I agree! Cassandra's arc had a lot of potential, but it basically went unused. She was just a massive dickhead the whole time for essentially no reason (she really didn't have to destroy Corona if all she wanted was to be free or "follow her destiny", whatever that might be, but she did anyway...) and then pulled a "Am I the bad guy? 🥺💔" and was then insta-redeemed, all because she apologized to one (1) person, that being the protagonist. I am still salty about that.

#tangled the series #tts #rapunzel's tangled adventure #tangled #ask

[obsessivelollipoplalala]

People: Omg, Freddie was so lucky to have Mary! She was so sweet and supportive and open-minded!!! 😊

Mary:

Made Freddie feel guilty for leaving her, to the point where he felt like he was obligated to look after her for life.

Intimidated Freddie’s boyfriends and viewed them as “disposable.”

Treated his loved ones like shit after Freddie died, including promising Phoebe he could keep his job, then turning around and going, “oops, sorry, not going to happen!” When he came back from holiday.

Became a spokesperson for an AIDS charity, yet refused to let a man dying of AIDS to one final Christmas dinner with his adopted family because she “didn’t like him.”

Gave away two of Freddie’s cats to strangers after refusing to let Jim have any. Also started a public war with a neighbour over Oscar, despite Freddie’s wish for Oscar to be happy (and he wasn’t happy at GL.)

Said she was glad Freddie came out to her because if he hadn’t, she would have got AIDS.

Cut ties with everyone Freddie knew, including his family, then claimed they abandoned her.

Claimed the band and all of Freddie’s friends were jealous of her and didn’t believe the rest of Queen deserved their half of the royalties.

Claimed she actually didn’t want Freddie’s fortune and Freddie essentially pressured her into accepting it.

Did a tacky photoshoot around Garden Lodge, posing like a model in Freddie’s home which had always been his private sanctuary.

Allegedly tried to turn Freddie against Jim in order to split them up (Jim was aware someone inside GL was out to get him and Joe apparently confirmed to Shaun Matthews it was Mary.)

Told John Reid that she “won in the end” because she was the last one to hold Freddie’s ashes. Then didn’t pick up said ashes from the undertakers for almost a year.

Turned Garden Lodge into something akin to a prison and got rid of all the fan’s messages on the walls, even blocking it from Google Maps.

Implied that everyone else, apart from her, only wanted Freddie for his money.

Claimed she “never betrayed Freddie,” despite doing all of the above.

“H-he…b-b-became a gay.”

Wow…what a supportive, open-minded person.

Lol you really came through with receipts, anon. Don't forget that she told Jim that Freddie was probably waiting for him after he died, which he thought was incredibly insensitive to say to another HIV+ person.

People can only like a fictionalized version of Mary because the real Miss Thing is thoroughly despicable, as shown by that laundry list of dickhead moves you provided. If people earnestly defend all of those things, it's either they're the mayor of Simp City or they're as callous as she is (I think some of the insta stans are tbh). It's just dumb. She's literally just some ex. She's done nothing to warrant such vehement defense, and no, being Freddie's ex doesn't automatically exempt one from criticism lol

#replies #Anonymous