#irreversible change to my psyche
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im so late to this
#no rainbow we're taking the kids in the back to therapy#my favorite type of media is indie games that do irreversible changes to my psyche and childrens cartoons#and i think that's beautiful#umm anyways lemme tag the shit out of this#my art#amphibia#sasha waybright#amphibia sasha#mlp#mlp fim#my little pony#mlp art#rainbow dash#mlp rainbow dash#omori#omori fanart#omori sunny#undertale#undertale fanart#undertale chara#ut chara#chara#if u saw me disappear for months no u didnt♥️
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ok i need to read ack and epota STAT because WHAT the fuck are you guys talking about
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Hello!! I avidly read all your MDZS stuff back in the day and now I’ve followed you into the batfam fandom just to get more of your signature Pangs™. I love all the Tim Drake self-worth issues and whump that’s out there, but do you (or your followers) have any recommendations for fics exploring Jason Todd dealing with Lazarus Pit Madness? As with WWX I do love a beloved character irreversibly changed by a horrific ordeal into something much darker and volatile (:
Also much love to buy back the secrets!!
hi! so pleased that the Pangs have enticed you into my new fixation over here 🥰
i don’t have a ton of recs leaping to mind, but i do have some!
first, i’d be remiss if i didn’t rec The Long Way Home by itsnatalie, now one of my all-time favorite fics and an absolute treat if you’re looking for something plotty and satisfying that takes a deep dive into jason’s psyche. i mean, this is a journey through a sentient labyrinth shaped by jason and tim’s trauma. just. trust me, give this one a read.
i asked my resident jason character study enjoyer @cairoscene, who highly recommends Stargazer by lemonadegarden for jason trauma and healing and a really satisfying jason & bruce dynamic.
i’ll also toss in Identity by Miles_2_Go, which sort of fits the bill because it’s a red robin arc au where tim also gets dunked in the pit, and jason is the one who finds him and helps him deal with the effects—so the jason pov definitely also grapples with his own experiences re: the green juice.
i also think How Fine You Look When Dressed In Rage by ebjameston might be of interest! it’s a hell of a good plotty fic dealing with jason’s return to gotham, also featuring renegade!dick and identity shenanigans. (as a heads up, unlike most of my recs this does not have good dad bruce; usually that’s not what i gravitate toward in a longfic, but i really like this one, especially for the jason and dick characterization.)
would love more recs if anyone has them! this is also relevant to my interests for similar reasons 🤝
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💙In Love With a Beast
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! Part of the Master!MC saga/series !
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⚠️ Warnings:
• Blood + gore.
• Panic (Lucifer)
• Lucifer x GN!MC
• Hc that demons can smell human emotions
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“Lucifer!” Screamed a voice. A voice that Lucifer had known all too well. His head shot up from his desk and before he knew it he was running- no. Flying towards the voice in question.
The air around him seemed to bow down and whisper to itself at his very presence. It was deafening, assaulting his ears as he flew towards you at an ungodly speed. Demons around him did the same, staring in awe at how he moved perfectly, the only thing on his mind was his human. His Master. You.
He was almost annoyed at how you didn’t bother to summon him properly, and instead opted to scream his name. You thought of it as a game, he assumed. ‘How Fast Can Lucifer Get To Me Before I Do Something That Will Cause My Untimely Death Or Injury?’ It irked him that you thought it was acceptable to toy with him in such a way. To play such frivolous games with the Avatar of Pride himself, but that was your appeal after all. What kind of a servant would he be if he didn’t entertain his master?
After a seemingly excruciatingly long sprint (which had only amounted to a few minutes), he found you. He had followed your scent, almost like a dog. You smelled like raspberries with a hint of lemon and sugar. Like a refreshing lemonade that was the only thing keeping him from melting in the blistering hot human world sun on a summer day. It was the smell you took on when you felt a certain emotion; playfulness.
‘So you do think of it as a game,’ Lucifer thought to himself, feeling the dark skin under his eye twitch with the realization.
You were stood next to some lesser demons, much closer than Lucifer would prefer you to be. He looked you up and down quickly, your knees were covered in… dirt? There was some red substance on your face and—
The smell of pennies.
Coming from you.
You were bleeding.
Suddenly Lucifer felt a fire burning inside of him he hadn’t felt in a long time. He felt pure unbridled wrath boiling inside him, a raging inferno so hot it would take at least a thousand years to put out.
Before he could stop himself he ran towards the lesser demons surrounding you, bearing his fangs like a beast, his demon form flashed; sending a blinding light through the area. A deep red liquid squirted from the lesser demons head like a fountain as he dug his perfectly manicured nails, curtesy of Asmodeus, into his skull.
The demon went limp and his cries went quiet, but he kept going. He ripped him limb from limb, destroying every piece of him. He did the same for the others, blood further imbedding into his gloves.
He stepped back for a moment, admiring his handy work, before looking to you.
You.
Oh fuck.
Lucifer messed up.
‘You were a human. You weren’t supposed to see these kinds of things. You were sensitive. What kind of damage could this do to your psyche? You could be irreversibly changed from this. Shit, why wasn’t I more careful?’ Lucifer thought, his mind racing.
That was until he felt a hand on his shoulder.
“Luci, you ruined your coat,” you said, pouting. He glanced over to where you were looking, before seeing a large red stain there, on his coat. “We have to go home and wash it before it’s stained.”
What?
You looked up to him, awaiting his response. Your gaze was the same as always. A soft glow in the dark abyss. Your smell had changed slightly. Now it was more bitter, sickening. It made him want to cry like chopped onions. You were… disappointed? About… his coat..?
He cupped your face, moving so slowly as to not scare you. You didn’t move away. You didn’t even flinch. In fact, you leaned into his touch. Completely content with the fact that he was holding you.
Him.
The one who brutally murdered— butchered these demons in front of you.
He sighed hard, letting his eyes close for a moment.
“Master,” he started, “You really are a strange human.” He let himself crack a grin as you looked up at him with a sly glare.“Come along now,” he picked you up bridal style and positioned you to be more comfortable. “Now, what exactly happened here?”
You leaned your head on his chest, nuzzling into the soft fabric much like a cat. Undoubtedly from the fact that he had put on that cologne you liked this morning. “Hmm..” you moaned lightly, situating yourself in his arms. “I fell and scraped my knee. They were trying to take me to the nurse I think,” Lucifer felt his eyes widen at that statement, “They probably would have taken my lunch money or something though, so I can’t be too sure. I just hate that you ruined your weighted blanket for nothing,” you tousled the fabric lazily with your hands.
“Weighted blanket?” He let himself chuckle a little at your analogy.
“Yeah, look at how it’s stitched too! It’s totally a blanket,” you argued.
“It’s a coat,” he stated, “I would sooner accept you calling it a cape.”
“Cape my ass.”
“Language, Master,” he said with a faux-intimidating glare.
“Okay, mom,” you rolled your eyes playfully, giggling a little. Soon enough, you yawned and your eyes felt a little heavier. The smell of roses hit Lucifer’s nose. The smell of infatuation. Love.
Love for him.
He would never understand you.
How could you be…
In Love With a Beast?
#obey me#obey me shall we date#obey me luci x reader#obey me lucifer#obey me angst#tw blood#tw gore#obey me Master!AU#asmotheavatarofhornytm
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spending most of your time with your paternal grandparents since childhood does irreversible change to your psyche and all of my cousins should get to experience it it's NOT FAIR
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Is an Ahabophile born or made?
At the tender age of six, I was, not without some amount of verbal threat, placed in front of the TV by my grandmother, a dear old woman with a serious crush on Gregory Peck and no apparent interest in children's mental health, to watch the 1956 adaption of Moby-Dick. Never mind that I could neither speak English yet nor read the subtitles, and the fact that my mom was at the ER with my sister who had just sustained a serious leg injury was not of any particular concern either.
A couple of hours later, I was a changed individual with several colorful night terrors installed in my brain, ready to be launched that same night. Now, though there were plenty of aspects which had frightened me, the one to irreversibly burn that absolute and nameless horror into my naïve psyche was how a whale for seemingly no natural or logical reason deliberately chose to wreak deadly havoc.
Decades later and with a well developed, not to say shameless, obsession regarding Moby-Dick in general and Captain Ahab in particular, I find this both very intriguing and somewhat disturbing.
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I had a psych evaluation follow-up last week
It’s official! I have adhd!
I’ve known for literally years but desperately needed actual treatment, I needed someone official to back me up.
I’ve been on meds for 4 days and can feel a change already. I’m hoping this makes a difference for me in the long run. I hope now I’m able to change things for the better.
I’m so mad it took this long. I’m mad at all the time I spent hating myself because I thought I was broken in some irreversible way.
I know I have a lot of work to do still, and med adjusting will probably be in my future. but man is it good to be HEARD.
to know someone listened to me and said “I agree, here’s how I can help”
instead of “try harder/lose weight/just exercise/try using a planner/download this app/meds helped me but I’m going to discourage you from seeking them for some reason/you just have to push through/whatever else I’ve been told over the years”
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it’s that time of year again… 🎄🎅🎉🎊 no. the highlights of your 2023 media consumption of course! just like last year, i want to know your top 5 films, books, tv shows, songs/albums, pop culture moments if that’s your thing, and as a bonus: any favourite personal moment/achievement in the last year? new to you, new in release, either works! can’t wait to see your response and wishing you a happy new year! 😁🩷
HEY!!! I'm adding media I've loved this year wether it was released this year or not if thats ok but most of these did in fact release during 2023
long paragraph..,,
top 5 films
Beau is afraid - absolute favorite 2023 movie, Ari Aster will never fail to get into the depths of my brain in such beautiful and traumatising ways...it was truly a ride - watched it twice in the span of a week because the itch inside couldn't stop itching god it was so good, it felt like a dream and a nightmare and god knows how bad i love things that feel like dreams and nightmares, the mystery of what it means to "dream"
Talk to me - YES!!!! great horror!!!!! BEST montage scene of the year (yes. that scene with Le Monde song) great great great rhythm it felt like 2000s horror. simple main plot doesn't always mean its gonna be predictable or boring, LOVE a good "not so original" idea when its greatly made and this is the perfect example! classic horror is so back
Infinity pool - insane. loved every second of this. original premise, critic message, GREAT cast, sick visuals...Mia Goth the actress that you are
M3GAN - camp! not much else to say really. watched it a couple times during the year it's just become a personal comfort movie i just love that doll shes everything to me
Pearl - yeah I watched this way too late.........for an A24 horror enjoyer.... sorry father for i have sinned. Rewired my brain chemistry, changed my life forever, did irreversible damage on my psyche etc. Beautiful splendind wonderful i CAN'T wait for maxxxine
top ¿? shows
haven't watched many remarkable shows but there we go with my little ranking...
Severance - incredible visuals, incredible storyline, amazing concept overall, can't wait for season 2
Better Call Saul - this show is all I breathe and Im genuinely worried that I won't be able to like a show as much as I like bcs - fav show i've ever watched, genuinely
La Mesías - best 2023 spanish show.............i love shows i love media i love art. when i watch things like this i feel so honored i'm able to witness such things for so little payment like. this isnt worth a suscription i feel like i owe more for letting me see such thing. i feel like im a voyeur when i encounter media that's so carefully made, with so much taste and eye for detail...like i shouldn't be allowed to watch through my laptop screen in my bedroom . just wow if you have the chance and find a sub version i can't recommend it enough
that was my top 2023, other shows ive watched...just rewatched the office, currently rewatching breaking bad, I think you should leave...
top 5 albums/songs
Desire, I want to turn into you - Caroline Polachek - so ethereal, so dreamy, feels like a movie and like when you fall in love and start noticing things you usually never paid attention to - the beauty of your hometown, your lover's hands or how their smile folds in certain ways when they see you, even how you perceive yourself differently
fav track - either I believe or butterfly net
Fanfare - Dorian Electra - from one extreme to the other..complete chaos and noise and I'm soooooo seated for it! such a complete album with 0 skips, always gonna love a fame themed record that talks about things that aren't relatable at all and gotta love the pop culture moments aswell, they're always so campy yet manage to be deep at times i love an unserious but self aware king what can i say!
fav track - wanna be a star
American Gurl - Kilo Kish - oh i love love this album i love the sound of it, the videogame vibe...every single song is so addictive I'll be minding my business and a random song from this album will pop into my head
fav track - no apology!
Preacher's Daughter - Ethel Cain - well this was certainly something it literally felt like a horror movie and of course I'm so here for it. terrifying, disgusting, sent shivers down my spine the first time I heard it on full length...and still does when I do. such a great album and def one of the best ones ive ever heard, top 5 for sure
fav track - family tree
Ultraviolence - Lana del Rey - yeah i'm 10 years late and thank god I am bc only god knows the irreversible damage this would have done to teenager me
fav track - florida kilos
2023 personal highlights
started the year doing a really nice trip that somehow helped me clear thoughts about my future
I got accepted into the masters degree I wanted which also gave me the chance to meet so many cool people and make so many good friends <3
I've been able to draw soooooooo much - my arm is doing sooo much better
got a tattoo I really wanted! got that flash design in my mind for a while and it's finally on me
this year was so hard for me and my family and it was such a challenge. I'm so proud we could manage through it all, and hopefully this year is easier on us
thanks so much for the ask Imo! sorry I wrote a lot and half of it it's just nonsense though!! I wish you a happy new year <333
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lol. I just remembered that in my sociology of gender class I took in sophomore year, the first unit was about how sex is a spectrum. It was also the first psych/Soc class I took where the definitions of sex and gender started to change. It was the first class where gender was now gender identity. I also just took a psychology of adolescent sexuality class and the way we had to be so so careful with wording things to make sure we were being inclusive in our discussions was ridiculous. I literally just stopped contributing to class discussions. And also how that professor was a non-binary identified male who was also a gender therapist for trans children. Like he was the one who sighed off on everything, agreeing to let a child transition. He spent the entire semester teaching us about adolescent sexuality and how teenage-hood is a whirlwind of emotions, and how their brains are not developed enough yet to make life-altering decisions, and how they have pretty bad impulse control, and yet…. He was the guy that sighed off on kids getting irreversible hormones and surgery…. I’m screaming.
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sorry for the spam i just got my psyche permanently and irreversibly changed
#fuck. fuck if you’re okay w horror and gore etc etc PLEASE play slay the princess holy fuck#i am not kidding when i say it’s one of the most incredible games ive ever played. and ive not even finished it#ive done ONE playthrough. do you know how many more routes and choices and achievements i still have left#god this game. please play it. please. it’s amazing#mj.txt
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I’m an active part of this fandom, but will write you as anon.
I was also sexually abused as a child when I was a few years younger than Armie, by a close relative. The human psyche is a great miracle, because apparently I had subconsciously repressed all of this, and the memories themselves suddenly surfaced years later and shook me to my core. Shook me not by the act itself, because deep down I've always known it, but by my ability to bury it so deep in the dark that it had allowed me to live anything normally and even to contact completely normally and without any feelings with the person in question (thank God not very often). Perhaps this is my way of reacting to extremely shocking events for me, because years later, when a person extremely dear to me died in my arms, almost the same thing happened.
“Remembering” and fully aware of what happened allowed me to understand my behavior in various situations in my childhood and teenage years, and later my sexual preferences and restraints. I am really saying this from personal experience - such an experience, especially in childhood, changes a person completely and irreversibly, irreparably. And unfortunately nothing, no one, no therapy can repair the damage.
To tell about it takes enormous strength and courage and overcoming great pain and shame. Even more to admit it to the whole world like Armie did. No one close to me knows about my abuse and probably never will - parents, my husband, friends or anyone. The abuser has been dead for several years.
That's why my heart bleeds for Armie 💔 I completely understand what this recognition is costing him. I also understand all the mess in his life - mine is also a mixture of contradictions: depressions, completely happy periods, despairs and struggles with myself, constantly hurting the people I love.
Some might say - he should get his shit together for the sake of his children. I also have two wonderful children and believe me, that's not how things work. Children cannot repair and undo the damage that has been done. These are things on two completely different emotional levels that have no common ground and could not work against or for each other.
I pray and sincerely hope that Armie finds peace with himself, as much as possible, and truly moves on with his life fully and happily. 🙏 ❤️
oh anon my heart is broken for what you went through. I am completely convinced, even though I have never experienced it, that the brain tries to remove this trauma and that it takes terrible courage to admit and tell all this, as Armie did and as you are doing. I hope you and Armie can find some serenity in telling this even if nothing and no one can ever fill and soothe the pain of what you have been through. Thank you for choosing to tell this, I dare not imagine what you had to go through, I send you a hug and lots of love ❤❤
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Psychiatric Wards & Hospitals, My Experiences
I've been diagnosed with PTSD, depression, a few other things that seem to have been merged into these diagnoses after further context and I've had some odd experiences as psych patient.
First, let me say this: sometimes, they *can* help. They *can* be a way to decompress and stabilize. Everybody's experience is different as is everybody's mental health team and psych ward/hospital rules. This serves as a disclaimer to say that I am not a licensed mental health professional.
That said, I have to say, they are not the best and have served me more bad than good. Let me explain.
The first time, I called the cops on myself. I was angry and distraught that I had tried to seek him out for support because I was feeling really suicidal and depressed about my time with a hostile and toxic work environment. Even though I left, I still felt the effects. The cop was professional, caring, and receptive, to be fair. But..also, a Jordan Peterson follower. So....eh. Not great, but not terrible. I kind of just tuned out. I had a chef's knife to my chest, but called the cops before I took irreversible action. I still can remember how sharp it was, with the tip brushing up against me but also how annoyed I was that I didn't think I could press down hard enough.
So, the hospital. Honestly? I had a mixed experience, but in some ways, kind of was really...all right. I called the cops on myself to get help, and I really did feel connected to the patients there. Food was fucking amazing. I slept a little better. Had some meds. The only bad parts? An annoying conspiracy theorist for COVID as well as a misogynist, and a few other people that I just...honestly felt sorry for but still were these angry balls of addiction. They calmed down after awhile and though they were still struggling, were ok conversationalists. The only bad part? One of the employees there kept saying "he's still your dad", which didn't help though it was meant in a loving way and I took it in the spirit they were implying. Still was invalidating though.
The experience after coming home sucked. I was going through it with a bad landlady. I got her fired though. Still sucked to go through.
Next! So the next hospital. Really not great. It was an inpatient/outpatient facility and they knew me on an outpatient basis. Or I thought they did. I never felt respected by them as an abuse survivor. While I did CBT shit, they kept trying to diagnose me with something that was obviously untrue. Doesn't matter what it was now though since I ceased services and really made it clear I wasn't happy with them. This was in Florida during COVID. So. Yeah. That caused some problems considering I was definitely one of those "mask up and vaccinate" types and everyone else really wasn't. It literally caused so much stress with their neglectful attitude towards my very real complaints and concerns that it brought up this trauma from BEFORE Urissa. I had body memories of my Uncle Scott tackling me out of nowhere when I was a toddler. Big drunk guy who was a careless idiot. There were witnesses but I never went to the hospital and no charges were filed even though I was crawling around. I barely could stand after he tackled me. We weren't playing football and I wasn't interested in sports. So...yeah. Anyway.
That was probably the most directly damaging one. The way they framed me was acting out. But I had been repressing this shit FOR YEARS and unsafe people and places were essentially a "get over it" thing for the people I went to for help. They also misdiagnosed me. I had to argue with them to change it. It sucked. I got blamed for things that weren't my fault.
Again though, food was fine. People mostly fine except for some annoying patients and caregivers. But the reasons why I was there was dumb. I felt like I was heightened into a psychotic break *because* caregivers weren't caring. I came back a little better with a new perspective with my trauma finally jostled, but I was gobsmacked by the mistreatment there and at UNF. Wasn't suicidal on admittance, but definitely was in a position to have a full blown PTSD flashback, turned psychotic break. I was there to get permission for a medical withdrawal, which turned out to um...not be needed. Also, UNF campus security was attempting to silence and dismiss my issues. They did that.
Next!
Moved to a different state. Felt the walls closing in after I failed my truck driving skills test and didn't have a plan to return to uni (back at uni now of course though). Confronted poor family support, financial support cut off. Emotional support always nonexistent. So. Here's the thing with that. I had tried to kill myself by starving myself and not drinking water. I went to Lovelace and they said "eh" and threw me out. I tried again. I went to my uni hospital. They checked me out. Did find my vitals to be off and a thyroid problem. Gave me fluids. Sent me to psych hospital. Guess what happened? They turned me away when I called them out on giving me an inappropriate medication! They basically told me "yes, I think you need help, but no inpatient.
Hmmmmmmmmmmm. I still don't know how to feel about that. I mean. I'm glad I could have my sleep apnea device at home. I'm glad I got some food (still dealing with food insecurity due to being a student and not eligible for food stamps). I'm glad I could masterbate in the privacy of my own home. But still. Food good. I felt really bad. And I was hoping for three square meals til I felt better after my suicide attempt since I had no money, but I had Medicaid!
Anyway, I think the takeaway here is that, yes, in some cases, they can help. But all I can think about are the injustices and annoyances of some of them.
I'll say this much. I wasn't comfortable as a sexual assault and rape survivor forced to spend time around other people with no fucking privacy. Other people definitely exposed themselves on purpose and seemed to kind of prod me over that fact. It was deeply violating. Fuck you that One Florida Mental Hospital.
Now there was one time where I went to a psych ward just to get away from Urissa. And I really was having a major dissociative moment where I was like "what the fuck is this chick doing"?!! And that really was just a floor. No privacy. No bed. Just a fucking chair with a table like in a school. Now. I will say this. I loved being away from Urissa. I loved being able to sleep (albeit in a chair like Grandpa Simpson). The burgers and fries for food was good. Really good. But I still was just...not having any space for myself. The caregivers were overworked. But I got some time to decompress from my abusive rapist.
And that's that.
No. You are unlikely to be 100 percent comfortable and unbothered in a psych ward. I wasn't allowed electronics in any of the places I went to, which made it worse, or have any space for myself. I hated not being able to masturbate. But I never just fucking jacked it in the open like some of the other patients I was with. Sometimes you'll deal with people that will not help you get better. The only reason why I'm saying that wellllllll yes, they can be helpful is that if you are someone that has always kind of self-parented, was neglected, but still figured it out, you'll have a space to ponder without those family members that don't help and no school or work to work through it on your own. With That One Florida Mental Hospital, I literally had a psychotic break to help me through it. I've never had psychosis before or after. It was literally just my brain going "LISTEN TO ME, YOU ARE TRAUMATIZED WORK THROUGH IT!!!!" But the fact that they just kind of diagnosed that instead of straight PTSD always irks me.
Also, if you are obese and short, good fucking luck if you went in involuntarily without allowable clothes on the floor. Because when I went in, the scrubs kept breaking and actually exposed me involuntarily and that's not great for people who have been sexually abused and raped.
They really are a mixed bag. And if you wanna get better, you really have to advocate for yourself and make good faith attempts to plead your case if you are unheard.
Good luck with them! You deserve a therapeutic relationship with your caregivers and to be heard on your concerns!
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For the record, re: my post about my migraine, I meant to talk about this the Last time I had a migraine, but it was one of those apocalyptic ones where I couldn't look at any screens even on the lowest brightness, & even after 5+ hours of lying down in the dark I didn't feel up to opening my laptop or sitting at my desk to type.
I don't want this to become too long, I can go into more detail later, but over time I noticed that my migraines would progressively get worse over the course of each month. 3 days before my period started, they were, like I said, apocalyptic. Nothing would help, any light or sound or smell was like stabbing pain, I'd be vomiting, etc. etc. I say 3 days because it was a clear pattern: I'd be in so much pain I'd be wondering why god hated me or why I was cursed, and then 3 days of hell later, my period would start, and the head pain was over.
So, I tried a lot of birth controls, when I was old enough to. Some of them helped (laundry list of symptoms) but made my migraines worse, some of them helped my migraines but made (laundry list of symptoms) worse. That also contributed to me thinking that my migraines were being contributed to by my hormones cycling.
So . Fast forward to 2021 . My gynecologist just agreed to giving me a hysterectomy . This gynecologist is the first one I'd ever seen who took me seriously, remembered my issues, and actively worked with me to find a solution to those issues. He knew about my migraines, he knew that I hypothesized that my hormones were influencing my migraines.
To be clear . I knew the answer to this was gonna be no . I just had to shoot my shot, you know? So I hedged my bets further and asked if he'd remove my ovaries, too. (I explained why, obviously, I didn't just say that only).
He looked horrified. He honestly looked like I had just asked him to shoot someone, or something. He told me he absolutely could not do that; as a doctor, the only way he could justify removing my ovaries was if I had ovarian cancer or something life or death like that. But even if he could justify it medically, he really would not want to do it. He talked about the importance of hormones, how I'd have to be on synthetic hormones for the rest of my life, how it would impact my bone density, how it would impact my mental health in unforeseeable ways, and it would be completely irreversible.
I wanted to push it further, but... I didn't want him to change his mind about giving me a hysterectomy, or for him to insist on me getting a psych eval before the hysterectomy. (Something I'd have to lie my way through, lmao)
Now, for the most part, my hysterectomy did actually improve my migraines. It went down to 1 migraine per month, which is already a huge improvement and something my 12 yr old self would've never believed to be physically possible. I'm seeing a neurologist now, and we've got it down to 1 every 1-3 months. But I do still sometimes have those world-ending migraines, and then a day or so later I'll burst into tears over something minor, and I'll think: ah. No more uterus, but I'm PMSing.
#erin talks#text#at my 2 week follow up appointment I gave my gynecologist's office in general a potted plant#and I gave him a thank you card & wrote inside it how grateful I am & how he changed my life for the better#he started to tear up and said he'll keep it on his desk forever#he had to cut me open bc he couldn't do it laparoscopically (I was happy to get a scar :)#and said I'd hate him when I woke up in pain from abdominal surgery & that made me really sad#I would never hate you dr (name) you took me seriously & gave me a new lease on life!!!!#he's retiring soon but every time someone mentions needing to find a gynecologist in town I'm like GO TO DR (NAME)
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girlies i gotta change how i draw dadbert that did irreversible damage to my psyche
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(HUGE XENOBLADE 2 SPOILERS BELOW)
torna literally has one of my favorite endings to any piece of media.
it’s so heartbreakingly tragic that i can’t help but adore it. every single person involved in that ending had their life irreversably changed for the worse.
mythra has to go through being responsible for the death of an entire nation’s people, including the one person she wanted unharmed the most, breaking her psyche so badly that she involuntarily creates an entire new person to exist in her stead, sealing herself away so that her power never has to damage anyone’s lives ever again.
addam has to go through the death of one of his greatest friends, the death of a boy he considered family after caring for him for three years, and finally the death of his father; the sole person in the higher political sphere of torna who didn’t despise him, as well as the only family he has left.
on top of this, it can be assumed that both his wife and then-coming child both died in the fall of torna, though this is unconfirmed.
mor ardain itself has to go through the loss of its emperor, bringing it into a state far lower than it’s likely ever gone.
mikhail has to go through the loss of the one person he considers a true friend, forever traumatizing an already trauma-ridden orphan, due to his family selling him as an infant, and his village being burned not long before this, at what looks like about seven years old.
and jin.
jin has to go through the loss of the one person who made his life worth living at all. using the technique he learned from his previous life’s journal, he extends his life far past the intended lifespan of a blade, saving him from death, but dooming him to a life that slowly becomes more and more stagnant and hopeless. until finally, nearly five centuries later, gaining common interest and making allies again, with the very man he crossed swords with five centuries prior.
tl;dr: fuck amalthus
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chapter four has done irreversible damage to my psyche. it changed everything. vivia I love you
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