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random-jot · 1 year

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For my fellow The World’s End enjoyers, I have to HEARTILY recommend the podcast “The Cornetto Minute’”

They talk about each Cornetto movie one minute at a time - like, literally, each episode of the pod they talk about one specific minute of the movies

I’ve just started listening to their World’s End season and these guys get it. They get what makes this movie so special and so under-appreciated and get what makes it work so well and all of the layers and just, ah

If you love The World’s End, you have GOT to listen to these guys talk about it, meticulously breaking down every aspect of every minute and absolutely loving it just as much as we do 🖤

It’s so refreshing to hear meta on this movie that is just so reverential and gives it the credit it truly is due — so yeah, if you love this movie definitely check this out

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kakyogay · 5 months

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alri I'm feeling generous tonight I'll give you folks the sketches (for the main 4) I just finished before I go sleeb

#don't mind how moon and pebs are like slightly more blurry than the other two #drew them a little too small and it's only the sketch so it'll look better when I actually line and color them #but also gotta do sos cw and ui so it may take a bit #idk I just want to actually give them colors because I have the ideas in my head I just never got them out #eh I'll tag this properly why not #rain world #seven red suns #five pebbles #looks to the moon #no significant harassment #gjinka bs #nighty night :3 *explodes*

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carnivalcarriondiscarded · 7 months

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things from The Halloween Update that are concerning me more than i already am about Eddie:

his Frankenstein's Monster costume turning his face (and hands. ha, hands, like the hands on a-) half yellow half blue/purple like the clocks & Sally's door. that's fucking me up a little ngl

Eddie tacks "A bit of a moral conundrum-" onto his description of Frankenstein's Monster, who he's costumed as. which seems out of place with the rest of his description. he could've said "bolts" or "white streak in his hair" or another physical trait. nope. Moral Conundrum (one could also describe his costume as "two-faced"...). and the fact that he's dressed specifically as someone who was "brought back from the dead" makes me 👁️👁️. kinda reminds me of a certain set of artworks from Clown's tumblr a while back...

Eddie, despite his whole schtick being "bad memory", was the only one to accurately recognize Sally's costume as pedrolino from the Commedia dell'arte. could be a little 'inside joke', might be something else. i suspect it's something else due to his... ah... Everything.

#yk im starting to wonder if eddie's meant to have a naturally bad memory #or if something is purposefully fucking with em more than with anyone else #bc he seems to have these little moments where hes On Top Of It #kinda like moments of lucidity almost? hm....#eddie dear what have you seen? why are you Singled Out?#the wrist watch / his eyelashes matching home's (whatever the rounded things under the sills are)#his halloween costume / his memory problems / the fucking tiny secrets sprinkled all over his post office / his color being purple #hi eddie how does it feel to have main character syndrome #jesting! kinda #eddison edward eduardo edmund edgar edwin edmundo. what the hell is your deal im dying to know #wh speculation #welcome home speculation #homebogging #i wonder. i. wonder...#if eddie got Caught by whatever is out there at night #maybe he didnt know to stay in doors. maybe he realized he forgot to deliver something and thought 'better late than never'#maybe the town mailman is too important to simply Remove so he had to be dealt with a different way #or wait maybe someone saved him? wally perhaps? home? id(k?)#a worse memory so that he doesnt remember what happened?#a personal clock on him at all times so that he never loses track of the time of day?#an overactive fear-response to make sure he stays in his lane Despite him apparently enjoying scary things?#kinda sticks with the 'frankensteins monster' thing dontcha think? brought back from the dead? Stitched back together?#and the monster was an emotional sensitive character. like eddie. IDK idk im just rambling now

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berrydoodleoo · 1 year

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once, you were almost a ghost

#my art #noctis lucis caelum #ffxv #render #not sure i really have an excuse for this other than i wanted to see noct's pretty pretty face #and maybe show off his hands a bit #have you ever seen a prettier video game man?#xv did not have to go this hard #they could have said that being in the crystal stopped noct from aging #but no #they said we are going to make the handsomest 30 year old the world has ever seen #and then they gave him to us #really we need to be more appreciative #also thank god for flagrum #i spent ages trying to figure out the shaders and never got even close #i understand how things work better now but the difference between the flag rum model and what i had slapped together are like night and day #i'm trying to look on the bright side and not be frustrated by all my wasted time and energy #:):):):)#it's almost working

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impish-ivy · 8 months

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Solomon constantly asking for your reassurance whenever he engages in anything romantic is due to his insecurity that he isn’t as important to you as the brothers. He needs to know you want to do this, he needs to know you love him.

If you say no he immediately backs off. You have to go out of your way to kiss him. There’s never a dialogue option that leads to a kiss without you explicitly asking for one, unlike some characters.

#obey me nightbringer #obey me shall we date #obey me solomon #obey me mc #he’s so scared that he’ll love you more than you’ll love him #that he’ll never be as important to you as you are him #sad boy hours :(#I want to hug and comfort him so much #small rant: it low key bothers me when people write about Mc and Solomon’s relationship as if the two aren’t incredibly close #MC willingly hangs out with him after he straight up asks you on a date #you’re two options are ‘omg yes I’d love to!’ and ‘got nothing better to do’#<-neither are denials #MC spends an entire night with him regardless of you choice #if you choose to kiss him you get an extra scene in the next node with Asmo welcoming you after spending an entire night out #but if you don’t. it immediately cuts to Lucifer and you get no welcome home speech. if you don’t kiss him it literally ruins the pacing #canon Solomon sex scene? 👀

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scoopstomyahoy · 7 months

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thinking about a no upside down au steddie fic where steve and eddie run into each other years after moving away from hawkins, and eddie remembers steve and his fall from grace as king, and is kind of intrigued to see what kind of person he is now

and steve doesn’t remember him at all at first, because, look, eddie changed his hair again, and steve’s had a few head injuries (no upside down but i imagine he still went thru some shit with the party and with robin), and he didn’t really think about eddie in high school anyway, and he’s trying to forget about hawkins as much as possible (besides the kiddos, but they’re all moved out for college now, anyway) (obviously he lives with robin)

but steve is different now, happier, more open, flirts with guys, flirts with EDDIE, and eddie….. well, he wants to know more! and he tells steve he knows him from hawkins, and steve’s sunny little smile flickers a little, but he just apologizes for not remembering him and mentions he has some memory problems

and they get to know each other, and eventually as eddie tells him more (and maybe with the help of some yearbooks) steve remembers eddie. and. well. they like getting to know each other. and they like each other. and then they get together

eventually they’ve been together for a while, and eddie thinks he wants to maybe introduce steve to wayne, and he mentions he’s going to go back to hawkins for a long weekend (as he’s done a couple times) and this time he’d like steve to join him

and again steve’s sunny smile flickers a bit, but he says he’d love to meet eddie’s uncle, and… they go to hawkins. and it goes well— meeting wayne, at least, but steve seems a little on edge the whole time they’re there, tense when they drive in, fidgety when they go to the grocery store, et cetera. eddie thinks maybe steve is nervous about staying with the man who raised eddie, which is ridiculous, because wayne LOVES steve.

it’s not til they leave the town altogether that steve relaxes, and eddie realizes it wasn’t “meeting the parents” but rather going back to hawkins. and speaking of meeting the parents, steve didn’t ever bring his own up, even though eddie knew they still lived in hawkins. and the way steve glanced around whenever they went in public, like he was scared of getting recognized

and he asks about it, and steve doesn’t really want to talk about it, but he gives eddie snippets of it. people he wanted to leave behind in hawkins, memories that resurfaced, things he wants to forget

eddie goes back to see wayne sometimes, and the first time he doesn’t know whether to ask steve to come, so he just mentions he’s thinking about going to hawkins for some weekend and steve immediately starts making plans with him as if the invite is implicit. they go back to hawkins several more times, steve still tense and pent up the whole time they’re there

over time steve reveals more and more to eddie. everything that made hawkins hell for him, from the things he himself did in high school to the things people did to him. stuff tommy and carol and billy said to him. some of it is just typical high school bullshit (and oh, the nancy thing.) some of it is the tragedies steve went through, the horrors he had to protect his kids from. the injuries he sustained. more generally the homophobia that permeated the whole town, keeping steve from being himself. the lack of support in the indiana public school system for a high school senior who’s had two concussions and gone through incredible trauma.

his parents. the reason why steve’s mail is addressed to ‘steve buckley’ now, not ‘steve harrington’.

(that doesn’t come out until much, much later, and eddie is kicking himself for ever suggesting steve come back to hawkins.)

eddie, who hardly had an easy time of it in hawkins, is absolutely blown away by what steve had gone through in the same town, right under his nose. the entire persona that steve was trying to leave behind — the cool as a cucumber, unaffected, douchey mask he wore to hide all that he had endured. the head injuries. the emotional tragedies he had gone through. the way he had to be the rock for the kids even as he went through the same things as them.

he tries to tell steve they never have to go back to hawkins again, and steve is having none of it. he tells steve wayne can come visit them in their new city, and steve thinks that’s completely unfair to the man who had raised eddie, seriously, you’re going to make him come all the way up here?

and well i don’t know exactly what the ending is but steve is so stubborn about trying to love hawkins because it was eddie’s home and he wants to be able to go see wayne because wayne deserves to see his kid and eddie deserves to see his uncle and steve doesn’t want to be the problem :(

#steddie #stranger things #this isn’t very fleshed out but just. hawkins as an incredibly scarring place for steve #something built up in his mind as a very dangerous place for him not just because of what happened there but who he had to be there #i think ultimately it would culminate in them going back to hawkins and running into steve’s parents when they least expect it #and steve gets to yell at them in public and tell them they suck and ruin their image and eddie is being his little guard dog next to him #baring his teeth #for the no upside down part of the au i think it would have to be like. nebulous tragedy of season 1 struck them #barb still died (sorry barb) so that his relationship with nancy falls apart. will and el are twins and they disappear the same night #steve knows the kids earlier in the timeline in this one and has already basically adopted them when will and el go missing #eddie was never the victim of a massive witch hunt but jason still harasses him during his third senior year and gets ppl to gang up on him #so he was never like Wanted by all of hawkins and can never return but he sure doesn’t feel welcome there besides w wayne #oh i also think it would be important that one of the trips steve snaps at eddie bc he’s so strung out and immediately regrets it #and takes it as proof that when in hawkins Steve Is A Bad Person and tries to explain this to eddie #eddie meanwhile is trying to convince steve that he’s not a bad person and that he was being mean because he’s completely stressed out #and he wouldn’t be so stressed out if he didn’t make himself come back to hawkins #anyway ultimately. steve realized hawkins is just a place where bad things happened. it is not a place that makes people (including himself)#bad. it’s just. a place. and steve did not grow and change for the better bc he got out of hawkins. he got better bc he put the effort in #god i just. love steve so much and the version of him in my mind is so much better developed than what the duffers are doing

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dootznbootz · 3 months

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Odypen definitely and equivalently adore each other BUT I weirdly can't see them as the type to actually say "I Love you".

They still definitely vocalize their love for each other but it's more so in "My Joy", and "Extraordinary Woman", "Strange Woman/Man", etc. And very cheesy lines (both say some cheesy shit in the Odyssey, and he definitely does in the Iliad as well. "Joy like a drowning sailor seeing land" bit???)

I could see "I adore you" but even then, that's probably during very specific moments but the actual "I love you"??? I just typed it just now for fic shit and... It weirdly just didn't feel right and I don't know why. 😅

Idk maybe it's kind of because I see them as over the top in ways, they love wordplay and riddles and I think they'd almost think "...That's not good enough >:( " about it??? I don't know???😂

#I wrote this last night. I'll do the asks I got later. don't worry! :D #I am the cheese god remember?😅#I think these two would try to “out-cheese” each other and whoever is left speechless first loses #“I would forget my own name before I would ever forget you” bullshit. CHEESY #And yes. “I sleep in our nest with you or outside on the dirt” stupidity >:D #I plan for Odysseus as a beggar to ask why she waits so long. As he's been gone a longer amount of time than the time they had together #(Simply asking as reassurance. He knows his answer. Calypso asked him. but what about Penelope?) but she gets mad at the #“Beggar” and pities him as he must be telling the truth about having a miserable life if he never got the chance to know such devotion #How what they have could never be sullied by #something as trivial as distance and years. How the years with him were the best in her life. Only made better by their son.#'My dear Joy made songs and poems about love a reality as that was simply the life we shared. Even separated our 'song' will always echo #no matter how long it's been. I'LL make sure it always does. And I know he's doing the same... That strange man used to say that #even if he died his corpse would drag itself back to us before he'd ever give up.'#...I'm not one for 'odyssey zombie au' but when I first heard it yeah. :'D Came up with this back then #“His eyes as hard as flint or horn-” Bullshit! The sad lil fuck is hiding sobs with coughs and telling her to keep away for fear of her #catching whatever “illness” he has. The nice thing about being disguised as old means sickly old man works.#...#I'm noticing that Odysseus has a lot of silly oneliners while I write Penelope with a shit ton of set up :'D #They are so silly and I love them so much #...I wrote a lot :'D #Mad rambles #shot by odysseus #my headcanons #odypen #yahoo!!!#sometimes I wonder if I should tag this with more things but I don't want to taint the regular tags with my bullshit :'D I KNOW I'm insane

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feuer-bluete · 2 months

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The hard thing about a second play through of rdr2 is that I know what will happen and have to make such hard decisions as:

do I save Jack as fast as possible, even tho I know he is generally okay where he is right now

or

do I let Kieran live a few more happy days

#rdr2 #rdr2 kieran #kieran duffy #jack marston #rdr #red dead redemption 2 #during my first playthrough my sole focus was on getting jack back #and i also never payed that much attention to the other gang members inbetween missions so i never knew he was gone #do you know that only now #after rescuing tilly kieran finally starts stops sleeping by the horse or against a tree and starts sleeping on one of the sleeping roles #when you move to shady bell and before rescuing tilly he just never sleeps #and just stares into the night until its time to wake up again #but now that i got tilly back and the girls all sleep in the house he finally dares to sleep on something softer than the hard ground #and i just get emotional about him okay #he deserves better

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fionnaskyborn · 3 months

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Was tagged by @oceancamp to post my current five favorite songs! (They should invent a stages-of-grief-esque model that encompasses and accurately describes both types of anguish I had to go through making this list - the one of limiting myself to only five songs, and the one of trying to put as little videogame music on here as possible so that I don't end up looking like an absolute goddamn geek, which... I am... Oh well!)

Thank you so much for tagging me - here are the songs!

Heaven Pierce Her - War Without Reason

Tatsuro Yamashita - Love Space

This specific arrangement of Death And Republic + Meet Again

Winger - Junkyard Dog (Tears On Stone)

The Protomen - Light Up The Night

Is it courtesy to tag other people after you've been tagged in a post like this? If that's the case, I'll tag @spiralled-fury, @solradguy, @swamppossum, @five-by-five, @northstarring, @ineedmoredragons and @tbonechessor!

#logs #ya don't have to participate if you don't want to‚ from what i've gathered - it's all just for fun anyway :]#The link to Yamashita's song is actually a link to a website that hosts city pop songs‚ since those keep getting taken down on YouTube due #to the strictness of Japan's copyright laws with regards to music. Uploads of Yamashita's songs in particular get taken down quite #frequently... The rest are either Bandcamp or YouTube (in case of Junkyard Dog) links #Very out-of-character of me not to put a Кино song on here‚ haha #I had a hard time deciding whether to put HOLD BACK THE NIGHT or Light Up The Night here‚ but ultimately decided on Light Up The Night #because... hoo boy #okay storytime. i've known of the protomen since somewhere around 2021. got The Good Doctor in my recommended feed‚ clicked on it because #i thought the album cover was cool + the title was appealing‚ but i never really listened to anything theirs beyond that song after that.#fast forward to 2022. be me‚ watching the greatest videoessay on planet earth (Steak Bentley's Metal Gear Solid 4 Was A Mistake).#the fucking MONTAGE comes on‚ and I fall in love with my second Protomen song. second fast forward to 2023 going into 2024‚ finally got #around to playing the Violence update. i learn of the name of level 7-2. the widest‚ most mischievous grin appears on my face.#i enter the level‚ proclaim ''ULTRAKlLL IS NOW A STEAK BENTLEY REFERENCE'' and blast the song as i get my ass beat by every single thing in #that level.#and let me tell you. getting mollywhopped ten thousand times by the FUCKING GUTTERTANK TRIO AT THE END OF THE LEVEL WAS. not a pleasant #experience. but the song made it better. :) (i played the level before the balance patch came out and uh let's just say i had more deaths on #that level than on 2gabe and 1gabe. SEVENTY-FOUR. FUCKING. RESTARTS. JESUS /CHRIST/.#goodness how i yearn to make a 3d animation of v1 going through 7-4 with that song in the background as a tribute to the man himself but #alas i am a student who has everything in the world but time #thanks for the tag again!! ^^

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iloveyouitisruiningmylife · 11 months

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spending my whole life trying and trying and trying and trying to be good enough for people who don't give a fuck about me

#im so tired living seems pointless why am i doing this what is the reason #the firm i work at is going thru a merger so it's releasing all the interns except 2 #i went into her office and said that id like to stay here bc my dad said so bc i got in cause he was friends with the head #and she said ill think about it based on performance ive not decided yet #and this other guy he went in to tell her that cool he'll leave and she told him that she was hoping that he'd stay #he literally does nothing but play games on his phone he doesn't work at all #i have no idea what he has that i don't #but just. im stuck like this forever right never ever good enough for people i like or care about #not for parents they have a diff fav child not for ex gf not for bestie who has a boyfriend much better at loving her than me #not for that one guy who rejected me in interview bc i don't read the newspaper and didn't know the date of the finance act #im so fucking sick of this i never even wanted to this fuckinh course and obviously even my best isn't enough and ofc im not good enough #for anyone in this field and ill just struggle and struggle and struggle all my life just to earn some fucking money so i can live away #from my sociopathic parents #and the worst part is that i can't stop feeling like maybe it IS me yk maybe i am the problem maybe im not trying hard enough #but how else am i supposed to handle this i prioritize my studies and lose all my friends i prioritise my friends and fail in d #exams #and the trauma keeps on coming every fucking day bc sociopathic parents but i jsut push it down and say not rn i will cry at night anx then #never cry #i wish someone would just tell me that idk you're wrong you're not made for this you really do have some mental illness and you're really #trying your best and do something that's easy and that you love doing #oh god this is now a ventpost #mes

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nightcity-scrapbook · 2 days

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Entry 9: When there's drama at Denny's house, all ya gotta do isss 🎶walk awayyy-ayyy-ayyy 🎶

(Johnny refuses to elaborate but told me this'll be a hit from something called 'Vine'... He's laughing as I type this and won't let me delete it)

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claratyler · 4 months

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Do you ever think about how pets only live like 12-17 years, which is NOTHING, and somehow you're lucky enough to coincide and share those ≈15 years with your very own specific kitty or doggy? How wonderful is that. Out of the entire history of time, they're only here for a few years, and we have the honor to be there with them

#god its been over a week. im literally in shambles. thought i was doing 'better'#cause i didnt cry for like 3 days but now its happening again and i miss her so much #i miss her so much what i wouldnt give to hug her and give her a little treat #or hell even take her out to pee at 3 am #or be annoyed by her barking at 6 am because she wants company and my mom left #or give her her medicine which WAS SO HARD TO GIVE HER OMG #or give her the physiotherapy that the vet recommended literally the day before she died that we never got to really do on her #other than that very night #god i miss my baby so much :( she was a mixed dog #prominent type was chihuahua but god knows what other combinations were there #she was so unique literally never seen a dog like that ever anywhere #precisely bc god knows what combination of dog races she was #oh my baby :(#animal death #pet death #pet grief #she was with me since i was 8 years old #and now im 24 #i cant imagine never seeing her again ever again :(#please come back baby 😭

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engagemythrusters · 1 year

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domino twins

#part of that same au i did for dogma and tup #yea. so. fives has trauma bc he watched his twin 'die' then he watched tup lose control and then everything was different #his whole life purpose was gone in a flash and he was the cause of it--nobody to blame but himself #and tup is struggling due to the aftermath of the faulty chip and dogma isn't himself and. and echo was gone but now he's back.#and nothing is okay but everything is okay and he doesn't know what to do so he just. he throws everything at helping echo get better.#because what else is is he going to do? tup is focused on dogma. and echo... echo really needs the help.#sure maybe deep down its about getting fives out of his head but it really really is important he help echo #bc you don't just... come away from freezing in techno union's hands--with less than half of your human body--and jump back to normal #those legs and scomp had parts fused to him. parts of him never healed from the explosion. and parts of him got eaten by the frost.#and he's massively underweight because feeding a repurposed mechanised POW wasn't high on priorities #and then the cold fucked up his metabolism so he's trying to gain back weight that he can't...#and overall...#it's not going so great. but echo is home and--while he's healed completely (as far as he can be healed anyway)--he gets a night or two #per week in a bacta tank to deal with the chronic pain. and he's getting used to the prosthetics and the tubes and bags #going into where his stomach used to be. and everything can be so goddamn triggering sometimes but.#he's alive. with fives.#and if he just is alive for fives... then fives will be okay. right? fives will be okay if he's okay... so he needs to be okay...#ANYWAY YEA i got a lot of things to say xoxo #saleucami au #arc trooper fives #arc trooper echo #fives and echo #star wars: the clone wars #star wars #the clone wars #my art

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gently-decaying-flowers · 3 months

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.

#char’s diary #four years #it’s been four years as of today #and that’s not that long #but i can’t remember #i can’t remember much of what he was like #i don’t remember much of my childhood #it feels like everyone remembers him better than me #i wonder what life would look like if he never died #i wonder how he’d take to my brother being trans- and eventually me #i wonder if i’d ever get less awkward #probably not #that’s something i wouldn’t be able to change without knowing how much i’d regret it #i regret being scared when he got sick #i regret the last night i saw him #being scared to go by him #because he didn’t get the goodbye he deserved from me

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dragons-and-yellow-roses · 3 months

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Oh god.

This summer you sent our mutual friend a package, to get to me. An heirloom, a bit of camp history. Passed down to me.

And on that package, your phone number and address. Your phone number, that I had long deleted from my phone because the urge to call you was always too strong.

When I last saw you in person, you said that when you finally moved to the city it would be with your girlfriend. You would move in together. And surely, she would become your fiancee and then your wife.

There it is. On the package. Your new address, in the city.

I have to keep myself from calling you right now. You probably have my number blocked, and I truly don't know what I'd do if you answered. But I would give anything to hear your voice again.

Even if it's just you saying, "Hello? Who is this?" While her voice is in the background, asking you what you want for dinner.

At this point, I don't even need to be the voice in the background asking what you want for dinner.

I just wish I could be the voice on the other end of your phone call.

#idk if this made sense. its 4am #but storytime i guess #years ago. like four now. i had a best friend #i loved her so much. truly i was in love with her. which was the problem #she had a girlfriend. im sure you can guess where this is going #she cheated on her gf with me. i felt guilty and made her tell her gf. months later but better late than never i guess #her gf made her choose between us. understandable. she chose her gf. understandable #so i got a call one night from her. where she said we could never speak again. we couldnt be in each others lives. and i deserved that #it still killed me though. it still kills me. i havent recovered #but this past summer she sent a package to our mutual friend. for me #just something from the camp we both work at. and there on the package was her phone number and address #two years after she left me she volunteered at the camp i worked at and she used to woek at #we ended up talking. and being friends for that one last week. and she mentioned that she wanted to marry her gf #and move in with her. in the city. so when i saw her city address... yeah #i took a picture of her number and address before throwing away the package. something i remembered tonight #its just sitting in my camera roll. her number and address #and i could never call her. never send her a letter #idk what the point of this storytime was #but this is some half decent writing for 4am #i hope you enjoyed

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opens-up-4-nobody · 6 months

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...

#its crazy how much easier it is to do things when youre not completely miserable lol #this past week has been weird bc ive felt really really good and like normal in a way thats kinds unfathomable #im hoping its the medication but my mood was already on an upward tilt and i was told it would take like 6 weeks for the meds to work #property but like ive been sleeping way more than usual. and by that i literally just mean 8hrs a night lol which is weird for me #like that never ever ever happens multiple days in a row. so idk. when i feel better it makes the 0cd way easier to manage as well #and im just generally not as anxious. on the more worrisome side i kinda just give less of a fuck so like i have an exam im not ready for #Tuesday and im just kinda like hm fuck that lol. ill go thru lil fluctuations of having a lot of energy too #like: i could run around in circles rn. i dont have to but i could. like yesterday i was out with friends and i was like bouncing up and #down while standing and rocking from side to side while sitting. which i kinda do anyway while in crowds but it was more to expend energy #last night i also got like 5hrs of sleep. so like maaaaybe ive been on the bleeding edge of mood elevation but for the most part it just #feels good and not destructive. like if i felt like this all the time that would b fantastic. its like oh so this is y ppl dont long to b #put out of their misery lol. depression? who? i dont kno her. sounds fake. but as soon as i fucking say that ill b fucking slapped back #down to earth. ugh. annoying. no emotional object permanence. i hope its the meds. if this is the person i am under layers of misery then #that is fucking so insane. we shall see. im curious to hear what the psychiatrist thinks of my brain when i follow up with her #i gave her my full dys1exia assessment which gives a pretty good picture of how my head functions. oh fuck i bet i would do waaaayyy better #on thise test if i took it in this state of mind. but anyway she has that on top of like 3 assessment sheets i filled out #dispite everything i still want someone to categorize me into a discreet box. tell me doc. am i really bip0lar? really really?#ur sure??? like 1000% sure bc my brain wont let me accept that unless its beyond a reasonable doubt. i just doesn't seem that serious.#i mean. it is but like ya kno. its not that bad. ay. this glob of mush behind my eyes runs me in circles #but for now thats ok bc i feel like i could run up a mountain or punch someone in the face lol #unrelated

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