#it ruined me in a way it shouldnt

[mamorigami]

thinking about utahimes forehead...

#ooc. #just kidding im thinking of her scar. how unique and interesting of me. #describing it as not a “cataclysmic” event but just something she ended up carrying with her work.... #it ruined me in a way it shouldnt #esp with how scars are viewed on women. whatever it was didnt have to be so permanent but it did and it cost her more than it should #even tho contrary to the scar she definitely won that fight. ik its obvious but it needs to be said! #oh to write an analysis on each of my jjk muses and their relation w/ the hierarchy of power and patriarchy #that is in the world...the traditions and how they digest them (or completely disregard them) #utahime seems contradictory. i can definitely see her be that positive influence for the girls she teaches. shes definitely not someone #to explain the shit way the world works and convinces the younger gen to just take it bc thats how its always been. #but also?? to wear the traditional miko attire??? its smthn thats dear to her. whether its thru personal means or for the sake of #upholding familial traditions. which. to carry something that has existed before u were ever imagined. before ur parents were. #that is smthn so strong and intimate so she holds specific traditions close (maybe her own family. not necessarily jjk society as a whole? #but then again i doubt her family is exempt from its prejudice..) #wtf was my main point. #she strives to better the next generation. but shes already stuck in this mold. her role was crafted for her and she is still #trying to break herself out. #those are my late night uta thoughts i might change this entire view later on but i wanted to focus on. um. not maki for two seconds.. #can u believe that?? not focus on maki.....unbelievable of me. #its a battle to keep the life of tradition alive and pick apart the mold that has spread over time #oh the experience of living in such a culturally vibrant style that the lines blur. what is what and who do i believe #HER TECHNIQUE BEING A RITUAL DANCE FUCKCFUCKCUFKC

[anaalnathrakhs]

getting out of my bed is ALWAYS a mistake <3

#give them an inch they'll take a mile #they always have to ruin everything #i just have to start the topic of ''uh so about dinner...'' and instead of perhaps. supposing. #that their kid struggling w various eating disorders might be already kinda stressed about the whole thing #they just go ooooooh yeah why not dine out tonight #FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU #why have you completely stopped giving a single flying shit about what might be difficult for me #the very second i started being able to control the VISIBLE UNSTOPPABLE PANIC #why does something have to be litterally the end of the world for me for you to fucking care for once #why is this the only way to have quality time with my own goddamn parents. mandated enabled binge sesh. #I KNOW IM THE PROBLEM #TRUST ME I CANNOT WAIT UNTIL WE GET OUT OF EACH OTHERS LIVES EITHER #BUT IN THE MEANTIME YOU COULD FUCKING TRY TO NOT TRAP ME INTO IMPROMPTU TORTURE SESSIONS #LESS THAN SIX MONTHS BEFORE IM OUT OF YOUR HAIR FOREVER HOPEFULLY #YOU SIGNED UP TO MAKE SOME SACRIFICES WHEN YOU HAD A KID CMON DONT GIVE UP NOW #im. god. i know i shouldnt hate them for that. they do make sacrifices and efforts. #just entierly the wrong sacrifices and efforts that don't ever fucking help #they're full of love but goddamn are they awful at raising a child #broadcasting my misery #vent

[buppypuppy]

.

#vent post essay ahead lol #having complexes about talking about your emotions is literally the fucking devil . its miserable. it sucks so bad. #the aamount of damage that is caused to someone by like #i mean im talking abou t me here obviously. #being the person whose like. overall ultimately tends not to feel horrible as often is like. #it's nice not feeling bad emotionally all the time but also it's like. i develop this complex about being like able to help. #i don't feel bad anywhere near as often as my friends so i can help them out and listen to them vent i can have the mental room to #like listen to them talk about their problems. yeah. but it makes me feel like. well this is my job now so i shouldn't fucking talk about m #i shouldnt vent when i feel bad because that's not what i'm known for. plus my friends already all feel worse than me more often than me. s #i don't want to dump any more on their plate than they have to deal with. i don't want to burden them anymore than i have to. and like it's #it's hard. i hate fucking talking about it and it's made so much worse when its like people i love . always been a fucking problem becaus #i just feel fucking horrible admitting that i feel bad i hate that so much. i don't want to like turn away people who care about me but li #i feel like if i tell them what's wrong with me i'll like do it anyways. i feel like i come off as super normal and happy go lucky and like #ostensibly fine. so when i admit this shit its like. oops the facade is cracking!!!!!! uh oh uh oh you can't help people so you feel bad!!! #because your fucking npd has made you feel self centered in a way that means you want to help people or some shit i dont fucking know #and so when i feel bad or get mad over something unreasonable it's like. well i hope i fucking keel over and die or something i dont like . #i don't want people seeing me like this or whatever. and my stupid fucking personality disorder just ruins every god damn thing its so bad. #my past experiences giving me complexes that lead to me feeling fucking left out over like small stupid stuff but god the worst part is lik #my brain categorizing something as being ''My Thing'' so somebody else talks about liking my thing AFTER my brain has designated it mine #makes alarm bells go off and feel like theyre fucking. i don't know encroaaching on my turf or what the fuck ever? it SUCKS ASS #it makes me feel HORRIBLE . and it's like i'm not gonna fucking bring it up because i don't wnt to be like a dick but also it's like well. #i feel fucking miserable about this but it's just like mean and unnecessary and cruel to like stifle people's fucking fun because of my dum #fuckin complexes. it's fucking constant. like oh look at you girl you feel fucking left out because you never get characters who really gri #you mentally and so now you have one but oops! someone else talked about them and now you're seeing red! you like this person though #so you're gonna feel fucking MISERABLE about this . you're gonna feel HORRIBLE because of this. and there's nothing you can fucking do #and it controls my goddamn life and i HATE IT i fucking HATE IT i wish i knew how to fix it. ghghrgurghrughruhg i want to fucking explode #and then you feel bad about feeling bad because you are fucking sisyphus. you're sisyphus. and your own anger is your boulder. you ingrate. #i hate this. i just wanted to have a good day. #jane mary cry one tear

[hecksupremechips]

Girl like. The reason he said "this is how it should be" and faced death with a smile....is cuz he wanted to die. For 2 years he sat there thinking he was worthless and deserved to die. If he hadn’t be shot, his death would’ve been suicide, he was fully planning to die in a gutter somewhere undetected. When saying "this is how it should be" hes literally saying "don’t cry because I’m dying, my death is a good thing actually because I fucking suck and you are better off without me". I don’t think that’s badass even slightly, it’s actually really sad and really shitty. Shinjiro is so convinced that he deserves to die and hates the idea of anyone giving a shit about him because he literally can’t wrap his mind around the idea that he will be missed when he’s gone, that his death is a bad thing actually. And his last words were meant to be comforting because he fully did not intend for anyone to be there when he died, he intended to die alone, so he says them as a reminder that he’s not worth crying over

Personally, if it were me, if I was holding my dying best friend in my arms who was deeply depressed and suicidal and he said "this is how it should be" uh. I wouldn’t admire him for it??? Like am I losing my mind when I say the way this game handles Shinji is bad or is anyone else seeing this too 😰

#its like okay listen i understand the basic math of any persona game they say things and everything they say is actually #very bad when you think about it for more than 3 seconds #like what theyre intending to do with the death of this character is be like oh no your sad friend dies tragically thats so saddddd #but that doesnt mean you cant live a wonderful life full of meaning you cant let grief consume you life is beautiful awagga #and i guess shinji is a specific character whos used cuz i guess its more tragic that he never realized he was worthy of life and shit #and i guess its also like ‘dont be like this guy who let grief consume him and then died you gotta Be Different’ #which i dont. love. that last part cuz if you think about shinji and what led him down this road #its like. of course hes depressed! he accidentally killed a woman with a child when he was 16! #he himself is an orphan and he just made some other kid an orphan as well and it happened cuz his persona went out of control #which very much can translate to ‘this must mean im dangerous and can hurt everyone if im not kept under control’ #so of course he isolated himself and believed he was evil and became suicidal like who wouldnt feel that way #like am i supposed to be mad he left sees and took drugs cuz uh while i dont think isolation or Evil Drug is good for his mental health #i dont think him continuing to fight in sees is something he can just easily do again given how he killed someone like he shouldnt have to #be a part of this thing anymore like how would he even safely get castor to not do that??? he cant kill more people on accident! #so yeah like using shinji as an example of bad coping mechanisms is already just. a big fucking oof to me like it just feels like the game #is saying he shouldve gotten over it and simply not be suicidal and stayed on the team. idk if thats the intent but uh it wouldnt faze me #cuz persona games are notoriously awful at writing characters who are traumatized and abused #but what makes everything even worse is how the game kinda like. acts like shinjis death is a stepping stone #like we’re supposed to use it as a wake up call and understand the stakes but keep going on anyways #and akihiko and Ken get. ‘great character development’ according to the game telling you they have now developed #but damn all akihiko is is just repressed he cries for 3 seconds and then is like I SHOULD MAN UP and then neglects a depressed child #shinjis dying words are words to live by now even though they piss me the fuck off like girl am i crazy HES FUCKING #HES TELLING ME NOT TO CRY OVER HIM BECAUSE HE SHOULD BE DEAD ACTUALLY AND THIS IS A GOOD THING ACTUALLY #like if the game wants us to still find meaning in life despite losing someone it just really hurts that shinji has to die for that to work #apparently. cuz the character i see myself in is shinji. not some perfect prettyboy who does everything perfectly and has 4 gfs #his death seems like a punishment for bad behavior. the bad behavior being of course depression and drug use. and im simply supposed to be #better than that if i want to live. and we dont get to form a connection with him cuz thats gayyyyy #and his death is like a NOBLE HEROIC SACRIFICE idk its just such bullshit to me i hate it so bad #how is killing a suicidal guy and then treating it as admirable that he said ‘this is how it should be’ supposed to make me feel #makes me feel sick personally and it ruins the entire game’s theme to me because its fucking shallow and the story is bad and im tired

[npdlangley]

mfw. theres no actual point to my existence

#txt #i dont remember any of my childhood + i have no future that isnt just me looking after my brother and i always have to think of it so i #cant die anyways #and because of my crappy childhood (which i can barely remember) im unable to form healthy attachments anf have healthy relationships with #people i love and care about #and my sense of self and how i view otehrs is permenantly ruined and ill never be the same ill never be a kid #ill never get to be ok in the way i shouldve as a cjhild #i wasnt even safe online i was in a crpapy abusive friendship / relationship for a good few years and felt powerless and felt so much dread #and i got itno things i shouldnt have and no one saved me #or said anything #no one cared or did anything #no one treated me nicely #no one ever will #im doomed #im nt meant to be here #i wasnt meant to exist #i was supposed to be long gone forever ago #i shouldve fuckign died back in middle school like i hoped #mybe i shouldve gotten into a lousy car crash i dont know i dont want to be here #i have no purpose besides looking after my brother but tghats it #he shouldnve have been born i shouldnt have been born #my parwnts shouldve never married or gotten together or even met

[srkgirlblogger]

.

#the day was going so well until my mom decided to be mean to me for no reason in a piblic space where i was already feeling scared and over #stimulated. i wanted to try out the skateboards in decathlon but there were too many people and i got scared. and my mom suddenly said that #the skateboard that she was going to buy for me after/on my birthday. she had decided to buy now. since we were alr in theshop and i said no #way bec i hadnt decided which one i wanted yet and i was soo panicked. and then after some time when id calmed down a bit and was gonna try #to skate anyways she started questioning me abt when i planned on peacticing and where i was gonna do it and i obviously just started saying #things that i thought she would approve of. and then she told me i didnt have the time management skills or resolve to make it work. and she #just kept on passive aggressively bullying me until i just couldnt do it anymore and i told her i wanted go leave the store bc she was #spoiling the mood. and then she started bullying me louder and she told me to stop blaming her bc she was only asking me a question and she #didn't want to waste any more money on things that i wasnt gonna do even though ive wanted a skateboard for years now and have been actively #asking her for months. and i just lost my emergy and my appetite and i wanted to leave the mall and go home but insteaf she gook us to a #bagel place that ive been trying to get her to take us even though i felt like throwing up before we even left the mall and i told her i #didnt want to go there. and my brother even told her that she was ruining things for everyone. and he still ended up blaming me in the end. #but whatever. i kept getting flashbacks to insanely traumatic moments where shed yelled at or bullied me or cornered me or tried to #embarass me in public. and this is most likely my last year at home. and my last year of childhood. and its all going to be remembered in my #brain as underwhelming and depressing and mostly horrible. and im going to leave home and never cone back and my last year at home is going #to be just as shitty as every other year and ill just have to deal with that and try to build something good and new and kind when i leave #she shouldnt speak to her own children like this. she shouldnt be looking for reasons to make things miserable for me all the time like this #i should study. my head hurts. my entire body hurts so bad #delete later

[silverirony]

"they act soooo married, they have to be in love there's no other explanation!!" actually there are plenty of other explanations, such as:

Aromanticism

#they are clearly in a relationship #they call each other partner that means theyre on love #this must be romantic! #aro culture is having all your favorite fandoms tags blocked bc you cant stand seeing what amatonormativity has done to it #this post is specifically about how ppl will be like yes a queerplatonic one #theyre platonic life partners they told me themselves actually #this isnt me saying you shouldnt ship characters romantically like no not at all. go ahead do it its fun and its free #but for the love of moses sumney please just say you ship it bc you think they have chemistry #instead of saying they have to be in love bc theres no way for anybody to care abt someone that much unless theyre in love with them #bc 1. thats arophobic and 2. it makes me question your relationships with the people in your life #literally all im asking is think before you say something bc being aro and trying to navigate fandom spaces is already traumatizing enough #also stop shitting on qprs like even if thats not the dynamic you want for your ship doesnt mean you get to ruin it for the rest of us #also im annoyed how ppl will see 2 characters who have platonic feelings for each other and live together and are raising a child together #and be like #like babygirl (derogatory) that is literally a queerplatonic relationship youre witnessing with your own eyes #if you want to be boring about it go somewhere else but we barely get relationships like that so im prepared to defend it with my life #sorry for the long tags <2 #aromantic #ew.txt

[rinofwater]

Took that silly "which Sandrock character are you" quiz

Got Qi

In a weird way, this does actually feel pretty accurate lol

But what do i do with this information?

#mtas #my time at sandrock #i guess i shouldnt be shocked right? #i have a whole nerdy ass theory about the data disks being the salvaged platters from ruined hard drives #and not dvds and cds like people joke about sometimes lol #and i too am also at my happiest when i can exist in such a way where i can lock myself inside all day and focus on my hobbies #too bad i have to go out and pretend to function in society to make a living lol #also would've been an astrophysicist in another life thanks to mass effect if it weren't for the fact that physics makes me want to die #in fairness though i probably wouldve loved it if i was taking it in an actual classroom set up to do all the experiments #and not just trying to make it work through an online class without the tools to actually do what i needed to do lol #anyway

[jrueships]

twitter(.)com/heykayadams/status/1686813346127896576

so THIS is the cause of diggs's beef with allen.... WE HAVE FOUND THE ANSWER !

diggs after refusing his gemini moonness then inputting his dob, time, and location into the zodiac finder analyzer website thing: omg JOSH can you BELIEVE we both share a GEMINI 🤯⁉️⁉️ that is CRAZY!!!! but i CANT be.. it HAS to be wrong!!!.. right? right? you're a gemini, you should know all about gemininess! it's crazy, right! right!! YOU KNOW GEMINIS, JOSH! YOU ARE GEMINI MAN!!!!

Josh, trying to deal with yet another miserable, heartwrenching playoff loss: idc

diggs:

Diggs:

hOW CAN YOU NOT CARE ABOUT zODIACS, i HATE you you STUPID FUCKING GEMINI!!!!!!!!!1!1!11!1!!1!!!!

#ugh this is sooooo gemini of himmm omgggg 🙄🙄🙄🙄 #-- diggs on his hashtag savage sag (ittarius) burner twitter zodiac account with a billion followers #here comes the unnecessary devils advocate DIMWIT !!!! #ruining FUN where the scene shouldnt be and creating FUN where the scene shouldnt be #i HAAATE geminis!! I AM NOT A GEMINI!!!!!! i am self zodiacing as... a libra moon 🥰 #and then diggs reposts a bunch of libra moon star sign stuff to his insta adding in 'OMG! that is soooo mee' to it in aesthetic font #milk with dinner is a no for me MAINLY BCS it's clear and u can see any backwash or cup residue in it #and i dont want that #milk is strictly breakfast or nighttime for me #it's either solo or no go!!! i do not like combining foods with milk! #if im drinking something to wash down #i dont want it to be smthin i actually enjoy BCS THEN THATS JUST WASTING!!! EITHER FOOD OR DRINK! ONE COVERS THE OTHER #while wasting BOTH!!!! nuh uh i drink that milk SEPARATE so i can ENJOY IT bcs i am #..i have a problem #im a bit of a freak with resources and efficiency sorry i grew up poor #but my gran gran loooves milk with dinner. she always suggests milk as a dinner option even when we're havin like. #chili. it's SO WACK like. is it a southern/farmer thing to drink milk with everything cus of rural stuff??? #idk anyways offtopic this is hilarious and i love seeing the way the aries analyze things bcs they always think theyre right #but at least do some research..... that supports how they think theyre right and nothing beyond that it's so funny #they can only actually learn from making mistakes. it's like a curse. i love them #ted asks #diggs/allen

[perenlop]

#well my good mood is ruined bc my mom and i were preparing dinner #and she started debating me on trans issues out of nowhere and telling me ‘’biological males shouldnt compete but hhmmmmmmm #i dont want them to be unhappy i wish everyone came out happy’’ #and implying autistic people were being manipulated into being trans bc ‘’the community knows they dont have another community’’ #and then got mad when i said she was saying it was manipulative and that shes ‘’just saying’’ #and she just told me ‘’im not debating you i just want to understand idk how everyone can be happy i want you to tell me how in a logical wa #way’’ #and just shot down what i had to say #shes trying to go ‘’no im supportive i dont dislike them i mean elliot page looks happy im happy for him’’ #but like. ugh #thanks for the reminder that ill never be comfortable coming out to you #she also went ‘’lol why do you care so much that youre upset you arent trans’’ #which like. yeah theres a reason you dont know that #dl

[ironmanstan]

Crazy how i went from hating stevetony and having winteriron as like. My otp I Guess, when i had my first marvel phase years ago, to now having stevetony have won that spot from winteriron lmao. Just in terms of it being a ship not in their character dynamic. Like this is just my personal feelings about it i respect em both etc . Just to me (i guess i also feel this bc im projecting somewhat) i just prefer tony and bucky to be friends, but i think tony and buckys dynamic, no matter what relationship they're in, is so so interesting and still genuinely rivals steve and tonys dynamic for making me insane, though I hadnt read anything for it in years until i read sinealas new fic. Just. Aaaaaauhgjhg. They live through similar/parallel traumatic events and come out of it with similar understandings of the world with different approaches to acting it out (that understanding being: i am worth the most to society as a weapon that atones for my past sins) (and their approaches being: i am going to right my wrongs from the background where nobody can get in my way or lay eyes on me vs im going to put myself on the line and be the one taking the blame in the spotlight hiding what good i may do behind a mask because its what i deserve) . And its very interesting I love reading it in any format i love them coming to understand each others feelings and realizing despite how they absolutely shouldnt relate to each other they very much do.

#buckyyy so sorry the st*ckies ruined ur fanon self for years #if u r wondering what i mean by projecting and thus seeing them as platonic #well: am aroace. do kin tony. i think my brain is like well this is like if i had mutual understanding with someone #in which case we'd at most be qpps #this is why im like its entirely a me thing that i dont particularly see them that way. it doesnt like bother me or anything tho lmao #when they are understood as characters though and played off of each other well. MMMMMMMM YES. #it is like jotaro and kakyoin in a mild way not the same same but the same relationship type. they have a mutual understanding #i can see stevetony fine because steve and tony make each other better and worse and theyre insane for it thats craziness gbless <3 luv it #steve and tony theoretically dont have similar lives and life experiences but have ended up at the same train station of life #both have ended up with similar ways of carrying themselves but with different outlooks #causes them to work together and understand each other well. also causes them to have deep fundamental differences #and react to those differences in ways the other can hardly understand #tension. craziness. so interesting #sorry for rambling but also i guess i shouldnt be this is the first actual marvel post on here in a while huh lolll #i havent read a tony fic in a long time and i havent read winteriron in so long . last time i read it my friend wrote it rly well #but i think she took down her ao3 and i havent had the will to go search out more or god forbid risk reading an mcu fic /hj #anyway #marvel #tony stark #bucky #winteriron #the gamer speaks uwu

[finalhaunts]

-

#vent #its so hard to believe that I’m not just inherently unlovable when every relationship i’ve been in has crashed and burned #and twice in a row now its ended with thw other person getting with someone Better. #I think i’m just not cut out for relationships of any kind. whether it be a qpr or romantic #because every time i’ve always absolutely ruined it with my terrible anxiety and ocd #like i’m done trying at this point. if I ever get feelings like that again (which I doubt iwill) I’m just not going to pursue them. #because like whats the point of it if I know it’s just going to end the exact same way it always does #in 5 months at worst and nearly 2 years at best #i wouldnt normally talk about this here but idont really have anyone to talk to about this #i’m probably going to #immediately bury this under a million posts so certain people don’t see this #I don’t know #i think i’m just too much in general for someone to love like that #too anxious too affectionate just too much. and it’s not like i’m pretty or smart to make up for it #people usually only like me because I’m nice. #or because I’m entertaining like a little goddamn court jester #thats it. #and then they get with me and they realize Oh this fucking sucks actually. i’m gonna go now #im supposed to be on vacation i shouldnt be thinking about this i dont WANT to be thinking about this #but some stuff happened with some really fucking bad timing because god hates me and wants to make things worse for me when I’m already #struggling enough #i just wish I was normal and I wish I was good enough #and I wish I wasn’t me because I hate being stuck with myself #i give up.

[sparkelingspectres]

God please make me less bitter I am so full of love at least I wanna be but I'm so used to dealing with manipulative abusive freaks I'm just not the person I want to be

#its like. im a good person i swaer but also ive been taught to be sneaky. manipulative when needed. #ive hidden recording devices in my clothing #ive been taught to lure people into confession #there were 2 seperate times me and a family member almost commited murder against other members #we had plans and everything. just mever acted on it because with all the things going on #we would have been immediately suspected #all of this happened when i was just a child by the way #like 8-17 even now i still think like this just no specific target #god im bitter and hateful scheming and horrible #my moral compass is really skewed but at the same time im transparent #everyone i am to my friends both irl amd here and even the way i present myself. is all still me #i act exactly how im feeling im quite the mouth believe me i dont fudge on my thoughts #i just have conflicting feelings about my past and how its affected me #i feel ruined even though i know im not #in fact im thriving im ahead in life of everyone i hate but its still not enough i want to burn them to the ground #maybe i shouldnt have let my mom put rum in my coffee idk im talking to much blah blah blah im gonna go listen to musoc bye

[kiri-tired]

I really should quit Yujikiri and SAO someday i just lose braincells being in here but GOD...I love Eugeo and Alicization too much

#the moment i decide to leave and/or deactivate is the moment yall will rejoice i swear to GOD im so annoying #i ruin this fandom sdgjkhk #and the blond fictional boy and his world ruins me😩😩😩 #and i ruin my own life. i am ruin itself😔 #yare yare daze #seriously tho sometimes i do feel like a fucking nuisance to everyone and that i should just get lost tho. ngl #even tho i know im not everyones cup of tea--i never meant to do damage--but i think i did or do sometimes. #anyway wow that went too deep but its true tho i really dont feel like i belong here or amywhere someti #mes. #absolutely no irony there #and yet. i feel like its too soon too leave. theres so many projects that i still yet to do and so much i wanna see. #and i feel like i shouldnt leave just becuz of some stupid accident or cuz of moment of weakness or misunderstanding. i want to prevail. #my motto in life is definitely i want to prevail. not in a toxic showoff way tho. just wanna live. #anyway wow thanks for coming to my ted talk thats definitely enough internet for me today 😂😂😂

[craftycalico]

its just a bad day

Idk if this is part of the concussion lol

Feel free to send asks if you wanna chat or go interact with my rp blogs

#crafty.calico #crafty.vent #delete later #you know i just. i cant #theres not any way of hiding it #i need a lot of help and i need a lot of reassurance. i feel so isolated and i feel like i dont know anyone #it doesn’t matter where i go i just always feel awkwardly tolerated. #i just.. i don’t want to only be someone who’s tolerated. i wanna mean something #but no matter where i am i am the weak link and everyone knows it #i cant look in mirrors because my face looks weird and distorted and i feel so watched and i think about things i shouldnt #and i think im a net negative. he was right. #he was right about so much and i was stupid trying to fight it and im sorry #i cant talk to anyone and im impulsive #i dont think theres anything waiting and the time card has far expired but being afraid has ruined everything #i cant get a coach to respect me i cant get anyone to listen i cant tell my parents who i am #i didn’t think id come back to this and im so disappointed and im very scared but hey uh haha #guess there was a reason the funny men resonated so hard here #maybe they were right. maybe i am him #idk who i am anymore #i live life as a series of bulletpoints of: you are supposed to like this #you are supposed to talk like this. you should get excited when you hear this. you should be friendly to this person #mid conversation with a friend I realized i didnt know how to talk to her. #i felt like i didnt know her but she knew me and i was operating on bulletpoints #everything is a list of bulletpoints to me #im so distressed idk how to talk i feel like im looking at complete strangers but im supposed to know them and they get upset that i #dont know how they are but i cant remember i just have bulletpoints i dont know #everything is bulletpoints fucking everything is bulletpoints

[hartmannyoukaigirl]

I hate how the idea of low paying jobs or house wife-ing or any low effort stuff where other ppl take advantage of you are seen as actually good and comfortable and even a privilege for women when just .. no?? like I don't want to not do anything in my life. I want to work a high paying job, I want to be respected and I want to be taken serious. I want to have the same responsabilies that a man does and I do not, in fact, want to take the easy route.... I hate how already from now I'm getting told that whatever job I work at will be useless because I'll end up getting pregnant anyways and no!!!! what the fuck !!! that's only an if, that's something that I am technically able to do but who the fuck said that it's a must or a definite fate ?? why am I judged based off just. my gender. why am I getting judged and dedicated my life course for me just because of something that I'm born with that I can't change .... fuck you :(

#this post is directed at my mom fuck her #this mf just said that i should lay low and work as an art teacher and that i shouldnt aspire to work in big companies as a graphic #designer because ill need just something small and easy to be able to marry and give birth and just #wtf #not my fault youre incomptent and dont want to do anything in your life. #unlike you i do want to work and be independent and be my own person .. she took the easy way of marrying and that ruined 2 decades off her #life #why the fuck should i do the same ??? what if i dont fuck up my life like her and just. Study good and get into a good college to have a #stable foundation and so that i can never be in a situation where theres nothing for me to do except marriage #GOD TALKING WITH HER IS SO ANNOYING BYE 💀💀2 #I WAS TALKING TO MY BROTHER ABT HOW I WANNA BE A CONCEPT ARTIST FOR A GAME STUDIO #and she overheard then butted in with her shitty advice like actually kys #im gonna be a big artist that helps in video games and im gonna be fucking epic and loved and famous and i will be a thousand times more #important worthy and competent person than she ever was.