#and I wish I wasn’t me because I hate being stuck with myself

[buckys-little-belle]

Chapter Two - Backpack, Backpack

SFW - Please keep all interactions with this post, and this blog, SFW. 

Warnings - Mentions of Bucky’s ‘Old Life’, talks about slight “Violence” (Bucky’s past), talks of a first aid kit, feeling “scared” about being a little, fluff! Obviously! 

Word Count - 2164

Note - I've finished all of Bub and Buck's story now, and I have to say it's been crazy going back and blending chapters/blurbs together to create a more cohesive story. It's been fun, and crazy, and honestly I missed this little place that I loved so much. Cafe BigNSmall is the beginning of so much, not just this account. It was the first little writing thing I put out that really got traction and that led me to where I am now. Going to school in January for creative writing, beginning the process of writing my own book. This little fic that has brough comfort to so many, myself included, is so much bigger than just a fanfiction or just a writing process and I'm so thankful for everyone who has stuck by my side, who has liked, reblogged, and sent asks about it. I love every one of you, I love who you've helped me become, and I've loved every minute of re-writing this series and I hope you love re-reading, or even reading it for the first time. I just have so so so much love in my heart for this and for you <3

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Bucky sat at his same table for the umpteenth time, but this time he sat with a smile knowing someone was on their way to sit with him. For the first time in a while Bucky wasn’t sitting and watching everyone while feeling jealous, instead he watched as a Caregiver hugged their Little and felt hopeful that he might get to have that one day. 

“MR!” Y/n yelled from the entrance like she couldn’t believe he was there, sitting at their table ready for whatever she wished to do. “Hi!” She smiled at him when she got to the table, her usual overalls and t-shirt combo covered by a heavy sweater. He was happy she had covered up more than yesterday, the sky grey instead of blue, and the colder. 

“Hi.” He smiled back, Bucky was sure he looked goofy with how big his smile was but he didn’t care. “Chilly?” He asks as he watches them shiver slightly when the finally sit down. 

“Yeah.” Y/n tilts her head to the side as she seems to contemplate something. “I think ‘m gonna get a hot chocolate.” She rummages around her bag before finding her wallet and pulling out a five dollar bill. Bucky was quicker though, already on his feet and in the line. “What are you gonna get?” Y/n asks as she joins him in the line. 

“Well, I think I’m going to get a hot chocolate too.” He looks down at her, a silly grin on her face as she nods her head. “Their cake pops look good too.” Bucky points to the glass case full of baked goods and premade sandwiches. 

“I know!” Y/n practically jumps. “I had one once.” They frown. “But I never have enough moneys for one, maybe next week I’ll get one.” They nod their head, agreeing with their idea. 

Bucky already planned on buying Y/n a cake pop, but wanted to make sure she actually did like them. Finding out she’s only had one because she can’t afford them has him vowing to always buy her one whenever she’s here. 

The money Bucky got from the government after his treatment went public often sits in his bank account unused, he has what he needs, and most of what he wants, and he hates spending the money on useless things. Yet as he watches Y/n’s eyes flicker to the case full of sweet treats with a frown on their face he’s happy to know he finally has something, someone worth spending money on. 

“Hi, what can I get you today?” The barista smiles at Bucky, giving an extra sweet grin and a wave to Y/n. 

“Can I get two medium hot chocolates, please?” Bucky places his hand on Y/n’s shoulder to get her attention before asking. “What kind of cake pop do you want Bub?” 

“I can’t.” They shrug their shoulders, clearly not aware that Bucky’s already ordering for her. 

“I’m buying you one. Which one do you want, Bub?” He adds some clarification, leaning down slightly to be at Y/n’s height, pointing to the cake pops in the case. “I love vanilla, I think I’ll get a vanilla one.” He says, hoping that him getting one will make Y/n feel less nervous. 

She begins playing with her hands, twisting her fingers together, something Bucky’s noticed she does when anxious. “Um, I like chocolate.” She whispers, looking back at Bucky with weary eyes. “But I don’ wan’ you to buy it, I -” Bucky doesn’t let her finish her sentence, instead he stands and orders both cake pops before paying. 

With both hands on Bub’s shoulders he moves them over to the wait station. “When you’re with me I’ll be the one buying things, okay?” His tone is sweet but also somehow firm, hoping his words make sense and are final, but also hoping he doesn’t seem too overbearing. 

“Like a, like when.” Bub stumbled over her words before turning around to face Bucky, his hands dropping from her shoulders only for her to grab his left, glove covered, hand to fidget with it like she does hers. “Like a caregiver?” She asks, finally meeting Bucky’s glance. 

“Exactly like that.” Bucky nods. “I’ll act like your caregiver when we’re together, okay?” He regrets using the word ‘act’ the moment he says it, Y/n somberly nodding at his words. He wants to be her caregiver all the time, he doesn’t want to just act as one while around her, but he met her yesterday. Neither of them know each other well enough for that kind of trust, yet Bucky seems to feel like they both are on the same wavelength. Like they’ve waited long enough for someone to be their other, why wait a little longer. 

“I’d like tha’.” Y/n nods, turning back around in Bucky’s arms to wait for their cake pop and hot chocolate. 

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For a whole week Bucky and Bub met up everyday, getting hot chocolate and cake pops. Y/n kept giving Bucky colouring pages to take home with her signature at the bottom, his fridge now covered in them after a frantic late night trip to buy magnets. Walking into his house and seeing the fridge coloured in pictures made him love the fact that he bought a huge fridge able to store at least another week's worth of pictures without having to remove anymore of the ones he’s already been given. 

“Hi, Mr!” Y/n smiled as she sat down on her booth seat, her backpack placed on the table as she got comfortable. “I made you something.” 

“You did?” Bucky unpackaged her cake pop and placed it on a napkin, sliding it over to her along with her hot chocolate. “Careful it’s hot.” Bucky warned as Bub went straight for her drink the moment it was in her line of sight. 

“Otay.” She blew a breath onto the cup, though Bucky wasn’t sure how helpful her hot puff of air would be in cooling it down, instead pulling it back to himself and blowing cold air on it for her. “Here.” She placed a piece of paper onto the table. 

This picture wasn’t one from a colouring book, but one on regular plain paper, drawn by Y/n and coloured by her to. Two figures stood hand in hand with a box of crayons in the middle. One person was obviously Bucky, the other Y/n. Even if he couldn’t tell Bub had written their names “Mr” and “Bub” below each of their persons. “I love it.” Bucky smiled, sliding the, now less hot, hot chocolate back to Y/n, her taking a sip immediately and humming in content. “I’ll have to put in on my fridge.” He said aloud, though he meant to keep the words to himself, not sure if it was wrong to admit he had grown attached to Y/n enough to want her pictures on his fridge. 

“Really?” Her usually playful voice grew serious, her eyes filled with tears. “My drawing?” 

“Yeah, Bub.” He smiled, glad she seemed happy over the idea. “I have a few of your drawings on my fridge already.” He admitted. Before he could place it in his bag Y/n was up and out of her seat sliding into Bucky’s booth before wrapping her arms around him in a hug. “Oh.” Bucky lets out a surprised sigh. 

“I like you, you nice.” Y/n said as she pulled away, though didn’t leave the booth. 

“You’re nice too, Bub.” Bucky said in disbelief. He knew the two of them were making good steps towards fully being comfortable around one another, Y/n seemed to slip further and further into regression, showing she felt safe around Bucky, and she had even asked him if he was the Winter Soldier and hadn't run when he said yes. But he hadn’t expected her to feel comfortable enough to hug him, yet he wasn’t going to argue or complain. 

Y/n eyed his bag for a minute or so before asking a question. “Wha’s in your bag?” She asked, this being the first time she had truly seen it. 

“I’ll show you what’s in my bag, if you show me what’s in yours?” He offered, having been wondering what she brought with her to the cafe everyday. “Deal?” He asked, and she perked up, agreeing before sliding out and back onto her seat, something Bucky frowned at. 

“Otay!” Bub squealed, opening her green backpack before digging around a little bit. The first thing she pulled out was a small zipper pouch, the fabric printed with frogs and plants. “This has m’ keys, an’ my phone.” She pulled both out, her phone being secured in a bag inside her bag making sense as to why it took her so long to find it when her alarm went off. “An’ it has my tic tacs in it! D’ you wan’ one?” She asked with a smile, holding out tropical tic tacs to Bucky. 

“I’m okay, but thank you Bub.” He smiled, proud of her manners and willingness to share her things. He knew he couldn't take credit for her good behaviour, or her manners. She was a sweet girl even if he didn’t remind her here and there of her manners, yet he was still extremely proud of her. 

“M’kay.” Bub nodded her head, popping a few tic tacs in her mouth before moving on. “Dis, um, dis is my frog.” Bub’s once very confident attitude dulled slightly as she brought the frog stuffie out, like she was waiting for someone to say something rude. 

“He’s very cute.” Bucky reassured her, his hand brushing against the stuffed animal's foot, his fur in perfect condition. “What’s his name?” 

Y/n still seemed on alert, but opened up a little more. “I call him Green Bean.” She pats his head. 

“That’s a perfect name.” Bucky chuckles, loving how creative his Bub is. “Where did you get his outfit?” He asks, referring to the knitted overalls and t-shirt, identical to Y/n’s everyday outfit. 

“I made dem!” Bucky was happy to see her peppy spark come back as she spoke about her stuffy. Giving him the rundown on how she made them, and made clothing for all her other stuffies at home. Then she gave him the rundown on a bunny stuffie she really wanted that was identical to the one she has at home. Though “He’s no’ the same Mr! He’s a different colour!” something Bucky quickly made a mental note of. 

Bub only had her wallet and a sweater stuffed at the bottom of her bag, and a small bag of long forgotten goldfish that Bucky immediately threw out left to show. “Your turn.” Y/n reminded Bucky, gesturing to his backpack. 

“Well.” He started, opening his bag, pulling out his wallet, keys and phone. “These are the things I have on me at all times.” He said, watching Y/n pick up his keys and fiddle with them, clearly loving his accumulated keychain and key combo from the last 100 years. “Then I have a First Aid Kit.” He pulls out a bulky box, a few things banging around inside. 

“In case someone ge’s hurt?” Y/n asks, concern dripping from her expressions. 

“Exactly.” Bucky answers, though he doesn’t admit that he mainly carries it out of fear that he’ll hurt someone and need to patch them up, but he hopes that Y/n’s just thinking about scrapes and small cuts and not the carnage he’s left behind. 

“Do you have princess bandaids?” She asks with all seriousness. 

“I have princess ones, paw patrol, and starwars.” He playful one ups her, the two of them laughing before he continues. “Then I have extra crayons, colouring pages, and a couple water bottles.” He pulls out the extra things, Y/n’s hands immediately going to the colouring pages. 

“Can I do this one, please?” She asks, bouncing in her seat, her frog underneath her arm. 

“Of course, Bub.” He smiles, the frog page she chose the one he printed off last night in the hopes to give it to her. 

After the small show and tell the two of them sat together eating their cake pops and drinking their hot chocolate. Everytime he looked up Bucky realised just how lucky he was, to have found a Little who was as chill as Bub was, and as sweet as she was too. He realised that while he wished he could have met her sooner, he was happy he waited. 

“Why don’t we go to the park tomorrow?” He asked, thinking it could be good for them to get out somewhere other than just the cafe. 

“Yes!” Y/n practically jumped out of her seat at the idea, the two of them chatting about how excited they were for their adventure tomorrow.

#buckys little belle #age regression fic #age regression #little!reader #bucky x reader #bucky x little!reader #bucky barnes x little!reader #bucky #cafe bignsmall #bignsmall #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes age regression #little fic

[trblsvt]

★ my favorite lyrics + seventeen

pairing | ot13 x fem!reader genre | angst, hurt comfort (?), fluff (if you squint?) warnings | references to sex/suggestive, swearing, situationships! ALSDKJ, toxic relationships, actual breakups, heartbreak, and relationship angst, cheating/infidelity (?) in one section (it’s a first date, but someone gets distracted), alcohol consumption min | lowercase intended. and honestly i say fem!reader but i don’t think i used any pronouns that indicate gender identity. (keeping the tag to stay safe). some (most if not all) of these songs came from my top 100 songs of last year. and most of these are kind of sad... sorry

choi seungcheol “you're scared to be lonely, 'specially in the night. i'm scared that i'll miss you, happens every time” - die for you by the weeknd

you just didn’t get it, he thought to himself. you were looking for something that he couldn’t give you, or something he didn’t know how to give you. he couldn’t stop thinking about the way your eyes were welling up after he told you that he wasn’t trying to gain anything else from the relationship. 

“so this is all i mean to you? just a thing to use when you’re bored?” you asked, quietly. it appeared that had taken every ounce of fire out of you. 

of course not, he thought. i’d do anything for you.

“yes,” he confirmed. why did i say that? he thought again.

“get out of my house, choi seungcheol.”

ouch. you knew he hated being called his full name, especially by you. he remembered when you did it jokingly and he held that stupid pout on his lips for almost two hours. (that is until you went over to him and planted kisses all over his face). 

he didn’t understand what was so wrong with what the two of you had going on. he thought you were happy. it worked out great. together, but not actually together. after the first time he spent the night, he realized how strong his feelings for you were. they were so far beyond anything he had ever felt before. now how was he supposed to explain that to you. 

“no,” he said simply. 

“i don’t want to see you anymore, seungcheol, so leave!” you yelled at him. “i’ve wanted more from you ever since i met you, but now i can see that’s something you’ve never wanted.”

“that’s not true.”

“then tell me, seungcheol! what am i missing? because you just told me i’ve been nothing but your plaything while i was putting my heart in your hands.”

“i’m scared that i’ll miss you too much.”

you froze.

“i’m so scared that if i give myself to you, the way you deserve, it’ll just hurt more when you realize that i’m not the one for you. i can barely think when i’m away from you. i don’t think i’ll be able to breathe if i’m actually with you. i miss you so much just when i leave after every night. i don’t know how to give you what you want. i don’t even know where to start. i’m sorry.” he didn’t know when he started crying, but he was. he diverted his gaze to the floor. his heart wouldn’t only hurt more if he looked at you. his heart would hurt and he’d only miss you more when you told him to leave again. so he was surprised when he felt your hands come up and wipe his tears away. “then try,” you mumbled softly. “try.”

yoon jeonghan “and the funny thing is i would've married you if you'd have stuck around” - doomsday by lizzy mcalpine

there you were. as beautiful as the day when he last saw you. you were just sitting there reading at a table in the local cafe the two of you frequented when you were together. “jeonghan?” you asked, standing up from your place.

shit. was he staring?

“hi, ___,” he finally responded. 

“i knew you looked familiar,” you laughed, and he wished he could keep it forever. “i see that you’re growing your hair out again, it looks nice.” 

“thanks.” he would never change his hairstyle ever again. 

“come sit, it’s been a while.”

so he sat.

he sat and he listened as you talked. how you finished your degree. how you finally bought an apartment that you actually liked. how you got that dog you always wanted. how you got promoted at work. and how you had a great new boyfriend, and that said boyfriend was meeting you in the next fifteen to twenty minutes. “so what about you, jeonghan? how’s work? how’s joshua? i bet you have all the ladies after you,” you joked.

he could say it. he could say that he was still so deeply in love with you. he could say “i love you” over and over again to make up for the times when he didn’t. he could say that he wanted you to break up with your boyfriend. he could say that he hasn’t been able to find someone else without comparing them to you in every way possible. he could even say that he wished every night that he was the one in your dreams in the same way you were in his. 

yet, he didn’t, not after what he did. it would be wildly inappropriate to tell you that, especially when you seemed so happy without him. so all he said was, “oh you know me, pretty average. it was really nice to catch up with you.”

you gave him a look, and he somehow knew he was busted. “i don’t hate you for what you did, jeonghan. know that, alright? we were both a bit too immature for one another. i would’ve married you in heartbeat though, even if it meant you left me with all your broken pieces,” you sighed. “i loved you, jeonghan.”

loved.

“and i’m certain you will find someone who loves you as much as i did you.”

but i love you.

“thank you, ___. truly,” was all he said, but wasn’t what he wanted to say. 

hong joshua “and i'd leave you, but the roller coaster is all i've ever had. yeah, it's one step forward and three steps back. do you love me, want me, hate me?” - 1 step forward, 3 steps back by olivia rodrigo

“clearly i’ve wasted my time my time on you,” you finally said. that shut him up. “you can’t possibly mean that,” he stammered, but the blank look on your face told him otherwise.

“i can’t be the only person invested in this relationship, joshua!” you sighed.

“who said you were?” you scoffed at that. joshua had been wildly absent from your relationship, opting to hang out with friends playing basketball, eating out, watching movies. really doing anything except be with you. “well it sure fucking feels like, joshua,” you grumbled.

“what did you say?” he sounded angry, but the look on his face looked more confused than anything. damn his face. damn that perfect smile. damn those kind eyes that kept you crawling back to him even if he stood you up for the third time that week. “i said it feels like i’m the only person putting anything into this relationship. when you told me that you wanted to go beyond just fucking i really believed you, and i was actually excited about getting to put an actual label on whatever we had. but now, i don’t fucking know how to act around you. you stood me up at least three times last week, and i-”

“what do you want from me, ___? i showed up tuesday night and we watched all the movies you wanted, didn’t we?” he interrupted. 

unbelievable.

“yeah, and then when you said we could hang out on friday night you suddenly ditched me. not only that, seungcheol told me you guys went to play basketball on friday and proceeded to go out to dinner afterwards,” you huffed. “it’s like we make some sort of progress in this - this - whatever this is - and then you do something that sets us back!”

“god, do you need to be with me all the fucking time. you’re so clingy,” he grumbled under his breath, but you heard him.

“clingy? i’m only upset because you said you were going to be there. you said you were free and that you wanted to hang out. i’m upset because you don’t even give me the simple courtesy of saying ‘oh hey i’m sorry something came up’ or ‘i actually can’t, i had plans with the guys.’ but no, i don’t hear anything from you. to think i actually love you. fuck you, hong,” you spat, grabbing your things and heading out his door before he could stop you. 

“wait! love? you love me? ___!” he called after you, but you were over it. despite how much it hurt your heart to leave behind his stupid laugh, his stupid music taste, and his stupid eyes that you’re quite sure you probably won’t get over. 

ironically enough, that was the first time you said “i love you,” and probably the last.

wen junhui 请快回来 想听你说说你还在 “please come back quickly, i want to hear from you that you are still there” - unbreakable love by eric chou

he knew you were sick of waiting around for him. work was hard and so was maintaining a relationship. a lot harder than he thought it was going to be. when he began going away for extended periods of time you always called or texted when you were about to go to sleep or when you woke up in the morning. 

then he started going away more. 

he was around less.

couldn’t call you back as often as he once did.

then you started contacting him less. 

the messages that held the run-downs about your days became infrequent and then rare. he reached out too, but calls and messages were brief. he began wondering what he was even trying for anymore. his friend, minghao, began to notice this. he noticed jun frowning at his phone more, or he looked more anxious by the end of the day like he was running late to something.

he knew you were probably busy. he couldn’t expect you to wait around for his calls, but his brain told him otherwise. it told him that maybe you were tired of waiting around for him. 

he was sitting in minghao’s hotel room eating some lame takeout for the nth time this week. minghao could tell that jun was not focused on his meal or in the conversation they were having. “you should probably just call ___,” minghao suggested.

“what if, what if it’s a bad time?” jun countered, a weak defense.

“just call, wimp. worst case scenario: leave a voicemail,” minghao shrugged. 

“fine. see you tomorrow.”

“you owe me for the food.”

“yeah, yeah.”

jun made his way back to his own hotel room and pulled up your contact. “just do it,” he grumbled and pressed call. he sat down on his bed as he listened to the ringing. on the fifth ring you picked up. there was loud music in the back with muffled voices. “jun? hey, babe,” you yelled.

“hi, ___. i was just checking in to see how you’re doing. i’m coming back home next week,” he sighed, feeling a bit more at ease.

“that’s great, junnie! i’m looking forward to it.” you sounded absentminded. “am i interrupting something?” he asked.

“oh, well, it’s my friend’s birthday party and she’s going a bit off the rails. can i call you back later?” you explained as lightly as possible. you knew how he got about this kind of stuff. “oh yeah, totally. you should’ve told me earlier, i don’t want to interrupt your fun. have fun,” he said pulling the phone down from his ear, not hearing how you paused and tried to call out to him.

so you do have better things to be doing. he understood. you were your own person, but it had been so long since he had even spoken to you. maybe you didn’t want to wait around anymore. then he saw all the posts that you shared of you out having fun, without him. you looked happier. he dwelled on it for longer than he should’ve. 

he dwelled on it for another three hours and then his phone rang. he picked it up without looking at the caller id. “hello?” he answered.

“jun, are you okay? you hung up so abruptly back there. i just got back home,” you asked, you sounded concerned. 

“do you still want to be with me?” 

“what - yes. why would you ask?” you sputtered. never once did you have a doubt in your relationship with jun. you understood that it was hard, with him being away and all, but you would always be around to wait for him. “i don’t want to make you feel like you’re waiting for nothing. i leave for weeks, come back for one, and leave for three more,” he sighed. “i don’t want to weigh you down.” 

“do you think a little distance is going to break us, jun?” you chuckled.

“i don’t know! just either be there when i get home or tell me you can’t wait around any longer,” he cried. it was disheartening to hear him like this. you never wanted anything more than him. the type of love you had with jun was beautiful and it would cross seas if necessary. 

“i’ll be here for as long as you want me, jun. now, come home quickly. i miss you.” 

kwon soonyoung “you only call me on the weekend. you only love me when we freakin'” - the weekend by bibi

you were trying to slip out unnoticed. soonyoung had passed out essentially right after the two of you cleaned up. he had insisted that you should stay the night. you tried to refuse, but the way he looked so tired and sweet when he basically begged you to lie down in his arms. 

and you were weak, so you did.

except, when he fell asleep in the crook of your neck you were still wide awake. you heard his phone going off and being nosy you looked to see notification after notification from his other hookups, and you were suddenly reminded why you were in the first place. you needed to leave.

 you tried your best to maneuver your way out of his grasp. you were slipping on your socks when he stirred. “where are you going?” his voice worn.

“i have an early day tomorrow, i need to get back to my place,” you lied.

“liar.”

“excuse me?” how in the world could he possibly call you on something when he was half asleep?

“you’re running. just stay the night. it can’t hurt.” oh, but it could. the question was: would it hurt more to tell him or to just keep the arrangement as is? before you could weigh your options, your mouth had already taken over. “it would hurt,” you said. “it already hurts.”

“what hurts? did i- did i do something wrong?” he asked, sitting up suddenly interested. you knew what he was thinking. “not in the way you’re thinking, soonyoung,” you smiled. “it hurts because throughout this whole agreement i accidentally caught feelings for you and it fucking sucks. because while you’re out hooking up with other people, i can’t even bring myself to hookup with another person because i think you’ve ruined me.”

“___-” he began, he looked apprehensive.

“i know. i know this wasn’t what we agreed on, and i know you’re not looking for anything right now. i just like you so much, and every time i look at you, i just wonder why you can’t just like me back. i’ll just go. i can’t do this anymore, soonyoung. i’m sorry.” you sighed.

“i am too,” he replied quietly, and he genuinely was. 

jeon wonwoo “one day i will stop falling in love with you. some day someone will like me like i like you” -  let you break my heart again by laufey

you often borrowed wonwoo’s things. from hats to jackets to random necklaces you found around his apartment, everything was fair game. sometimes you would forget to return them and wear them out. wonwoo never complained or tried to steal the clothes back from you. he liked them better on you anyway.

one day his friends noticed. it was just a house party where you had been teasing wonwoo all night about his less than average kart rider skills. you had taken his glasses off and placed them on your nose. “look at me i’m wonwoo and i suck at kart rider,” you imitated his voice puffing out your chest and bumping into his shoulder. 

“hey, i need those,” he chuckled, squinting at the tv in front of him. 

“yeah, yeah, i know. they look better on you anyway,” you grumbled, delicately placing the glasses back on his nose. “i’m going to get a drink, you want anything?” he shook his head, and you got up.

“wonwoo, isn’t that your coat?” mingyu casually asked as he sat down next to wonwoo on the couch. wonwoo didn’t even really process what mingyu was asking, but answered, “oh, the one ___’s wearing? yeah.”

“so, does this mean you two are finally together?” mingyu pressed. 

“uh, no. it just means i like sharing.”

“just like how you like sharing your glasses,” mingyu scoffed. “bullshit.”

mingyu got up and walked over to where you were chatting with some of your friends. wonwoo wanted to act like he was paying attention to seungcheol absolutely demolishing him and chan at kart rider, but he was only focused on you. 

he knew he didn’t stand a chance against the other guys you had been going out with for the past few months. he knew that you were probably better off with a guy like mingyu or something, and when he saw you chatting with mingyu he knew he couldn’t even begin to compete. in your eyes, he was just your cute best friend that did you favors all the time.

“you know, i think you should really un-friendzone wonwoo,” your friend giggled.

“i agree,” mingyu piped in.

“please, wonwoo’s just my friend,” you chuckled, glancing over at the dark haired man sitting on the couch. “plus, i already have a date this weekend.”

it was true. you did have a date lined up. it was about the fourth new guy this month. none of the people you’ve been meeting had actually clicked after the first date. which was a bit disheartening since you’ve been trying to date for a while. 

the only constant in your life was wonwoo. he’s been with you since high school, and the two of you quickly rented an apartment together when you two decided to attend the same college. it was a nice set up, and you appreciated his companionship. he was there for every high and low of life, and didn’t complain if you were a mess most of the time. he was just there. a great friend.

as wonwoo and you walked home, he admired the way you looked at everything around you. the stars in the sky or the flowers that lined the windows of some apartments. it was comfortable with you. “you have a date later this weekend?” he asked quietly. you hummed in response. 

you were a little too busy watching your surroundings to see wonwoo’s face fall a bit. he would watch you go off on these dates every so often, and nothing came to fruition for most of them. if they did, they were quite short lived. although it broke his heart every time you overlooked his hinting gestures, he would always be there to help you get ready and pick up any broken pieces. he’d be there at your door with a cup of coffee for you in the morning or he’d give you the space you needed if you asked. whatever you asked of him, he would do because he’d let you break his heart as many times as you wanted and he’d still come back. after all, he was your best friend. 

he just wished that someday he would finally leave the feelings he harbored for you behind, and he could find someone who loved him the same way that he loved you. even if it wasn’t you.

lee jihoon “feels like we had matching wounds, but mine's still black and bruised and yours is perfectly fine now” - the exit by conan gray

jihoon was jihoon. you were you. there wasn’t any way around it. you had met him at a bad time, that’s all you could say about it. it probably wasn’t the best idea to start hanging out as much as you did. you knew that, and so did he. yet, you two did, and it was nice while it lasted.

“i just thought- i just thought we could continue seeing each other,” you grumbled. you weren’t sure what you were expecting out of jihoon. he was always a bit, emotionally reserved. 

“i mean, why would we?” he asked, blinking slowly at you. of course he would ask that. “you didn’t think we were actually like dating, right?” he asked. 

well no. 

you and jihoon had established a mutual distaste towards labels, but now you regretted not putting one on what you had with jihoon. “i mean, i didn’t. i just thought-” you trailed off. what did you think? that maybe by the time he figured out his shit, you would have figured yours out too. or maybe that he would’ve noticed your growing feelings towards him. 

“look, ___. you have been a greater help than i could’ve ever asked for. i was, well you know, just out of a long term relationship that ended well, badly. you were with me through every step of the healing process, and i will forever be grateful for you,” he said, taking a step closer to you.

“yeah, you- you really helped me too,” you mumbled, you couldn’t help the tears that were forming in your eyes.

“___? why are you crying?” he asked.

“no reason, jihoon,” you sniffed. there was a perfectly good reason why you crying, it was just a bit too embarrassing to tell him when he obviously didn’t reciprocate your feelings. maybe you got attached to jihoon to easily, someone who was obviously emotionally unavailable. maybe you had a type. 

things had ended badly with your ex, and you feared that things would end horribly with jihoon before they could even begin. 

maybe he would say you were too clingy, too needy, too this that and the other thing. was wanting to be loved such a bad thing?

all you really wanted was for him to notice you, but it appeared as though he was too focused on healing himself that he had left you behind without as much as a band-aid. 

lee seokmin “and though it's fading with time, i remember the warm nights with love in your eyes. passing the days, watching rains as it dries, staring at your eyes i know it's the time” - less and less by matt maltese 

a ball of sunshine. that’s how you described lee seokmin. you always grabbed his face in your hands and just looked at him, and he’d let you. then he’d giggle or something and you’d smile while you memorized every aspect of his face. 

but now, but now, he couldn’t even look you in the eye, not after he heard that you didn’t really care to see him anymore. it was weird to overhear from one of his friends who still kept in touch with you. apparently he would be too much of a distraction or something to that effect. he knew the chances of reconciliation were already slim, but just knowing you didn’t really want to see him at all hurt. it wasn’t necessarily a bad or messy break up either.

a mutual friend of the two of you had just gotten engaged, and they were having a celebratory dinner. seokmin had the feeling that you were going to be there, but he couldn’t skip out on this just because his ex would be there. that would be - sad.

you were chatting casually with one of the other dinner guests, and you looked as beautiful as ever. “seokmin? are you even listening to me?” soonyoung whined next to him.

“you’re drunk, soonyoung. i probably shouldn’t listen to anything you say,” seokmin chuckled, pushing on his obviously drunk friend. soonyoung whined and threw his head back against the wall that was behind his chair. “___ looks nice tonight,” he commented. seokmin nodded in agreement. 

he stole another glance at you, and that was when he met your eyes. god, those eyes. the same kind ones that he looked into every night before you said your goodnights and i love yous. you offered him a small smile and he reciprocated it as best as he could without it hurting his chest too much. 

he found himself stealing glances at you when you didn’t even bother to look over. he wished he could sit next to you and hold your hand. kiss your cheek like he used to. should he profess his undying love for you even though you had broken his heart over six months ago? would that be appropriate?

by the end of the dinner, seokmin had slung soonyoung over his shoulder and was bringing him out to his car parked nearby the restaurant. “seokmin, why don’t you ask ___ out again?” he grumbled as seokmin dragged him into the passenger seat. the smell of alcohol reeked on his breath as seokmin buckled his pouting friend in. soonyoung continued, “you two were so good together. so cute. you were so down bad for ___.” seokmin sighed. he knew that already. 

he looked at you like you hung the moon, and he genuinely believed that you did. your soft kisses on his cheeks and warm hands around his were nice, but they weren’t enough. as much as he wanted them to be, they just couldn’t be enough. 

“seokmin?” he heard your familiar voice float into his ears and shot up instantly, hitting his head on his car as he tried to escape the clutches of soonyoung. “oh, are you okay?” you giggled. 

“yeah,” he said, standing upright and rubbing the back of his head. and there the two of you stood in silence. oddly enough, it wasn’t as awkward as he thought it was going to be. there was a dull pain in his chest when he looked at you. “look, i just wanted to say it was nice seeing you tonight,” you said. his heart soared, but the pain hurt. “it was nice seeing you too,” was all he seemed to muster before he turned around to check on soonyoung. 

you must’ve thought he was trying to get out of the conversation because the next words you said sounded rushed. “i want you to know that i don’t hate you,” you said.

he froze. 

“i mean, i know you heard about what i said about not wanting to see you. that’s not what i meant,” you sighed. 

he nodded dumbly.

“i just- i know we didn’t end things badly at all. it was actually quite nice. i said that after we broke up and i was still a bit upset, i guess. i thought that if i saw you, i would just hurt all over again. i just wanted to stop hurting. i should’ve considered that you might hear about it and misunderstand, and i’m sorry about that.”

silence.

“i’ll always want you in my life, seokmin.”

“i’ll always want you in mine too,” he finally said, and he felt like he truly meant it. he knew that he wouldn’t be in your life like the two of you had planned, but just hearing that you wanted him - needed him - to just be there was enough. 

he had all those times that you looked at him with such love and affection that he didn’t care how he was in your life. he just needed to be in it. he had the memories how you kissed him. how you hummed songs while lounging around the house. how you would wrap your arms around him while he was cooking. how you held his hand when your car broke down in the rain.

you would remember the way he just admired you at a distance. how he cried when he forgot to water your plant when you left town for a trip. how he brought you flowers when he knew the ones you had were dying. how he sang in the shower. how he laughed at all of your jokes. how he grabbed your hand and kissed it just because. 

now you stood so close to him, but so far. he wanted to hold you close to him, feel your hands on his face, hear your laugh, kiss your lips, anything and everything. all it would take would be a couple of strides and he would be close enough to smell the perfume you put on for the evening.

but something in him kept him from doing that. he looked at you. the look in your eyes wasn’t the same as when the two of you were together. something else was there. admiration, respect, unconditional love. something in your eyes told him it was time to let you go. he would always remember you and all the moments you shared, but he needed to let go of what he had. let it fade until all that remained was the dull ache in his heart. 

“i’ve missed you, ___,” he said meeting your gaze. 

you smiled, “i’ve missed you too. please don’t be a stranger.”

“i won’t.”

the pain in his chest was still there as he watched you leave, but he supposed that it would always be there.

kim mingyu so i can't love you even though i do 밀어내 봐도 난 너를 못이겨 “so i can't love you, even though i do. i try to push you away but i can't beat you” - invu by taeyeon

this was wrong. he knew it. you knew it. he was on a first date with mutual of one of his friends, and he only agreed because he needed to get his mind off of everything, off of you. it should be easy, nice laid back dinner date. it had been a while since he had been on first date, but he couldn’t be that bad at this whole first date thing.

apparently he was pretty bad at it. 

“mingyu,” you gasped, as he grabbed onto your waist. “where are you taking me?” he didn’t say a word. something in his blood boiled when he saw you sitting with your friends at the same restaurant he was at. he quickly excused himself from the table and made his way to your table. your table was conveniently located on the way to the bathroom. he turned his head to make sure his date wasn’t looking, luckily his date’s chair was facing the other way, so he could get away with snatching you away from your friends.

you barely had time to process what had happened. you sensed someone rushing toward you, but you figured it was just a waiter. suddenly you were pulled out of your seat and there was a familiar arm wrapped around your waist. “mingyu, what are you doing?” you demanded as he pulled you into the single-bathroom and locked the door. “i was having dinner with my friends.”

“and i was having dinner with a date, but here we are,” he scoffed.

“you’re on a date, and you dragged me in here!” you yelled. “mingyu, you’re unbelievable. you should be on your date. this is incredibly rude of-” 

“do you miss me?” 

“what?”

“do you miss me?”

“not in the way you want me to.”

that seemed to do it for him. he pressed you against the bathroom wall and kissed you in the way that took your breath away. “mingyu,” you gasped in between his kisses. you felt the way he was holding onto you, it was pure need. “mingyu, we- we can’t. your date,” you breathed as your hands found purchase on his shoulders.

“fuck my date. i’m only on that date to stop thinking about you,” he admitted.

“mingyu-” you began to pull away from him.

“stop calling me that,” he pulled away and looked you dead in the eye.

“what? your name? it’s your name, mingyu. what else am i supposed to call you?”

“please, ___. you know.” it sounded pathetic and you practically melted. “gyu,” you caved. he didn’t realize how much he missed you until this moment. well, he had been missing you since the two of you parted ways several months ago, but now that he had you so close to him, that he had just kissed you, he missed you more than ever. you were so close. he could just go back to kissing you. he really wanted to go back to kissing you. 

you don’t know how you could let this happen. mingyu was always very nice to you. he was sweet, caring, attentive, all the things you could want in a boyfriend, but you just weren’t ready for the type of commitment you knew he craved. 

he wanted to move in, settle down, get married, live life. it was all too real to you, so you ran.

sure it hurt to break up with him. to tell him that you didn’t want to move that fast, and you weren’t sure if you’d ever marry at all. it was all just too confusing. but now, that you were here with him, you knew that you had made a mistake.

but you had missed your chance.

he tried to move back in to kiss you again.

“gyu, stop,” you whispered. he did, but he didn’t back away. “go back to your date, gyu,” you sighed. “it isn’t fair to your date. it isn’t fair to you.”

“what do you mean, ___? i want you. i’ve only ever wanted you,” he complained, he couldn’t let you leave again. “i’ll wait for you, for as long as it takes for you to realize that it’ll always be you. that you’re the only one for me,” he rushed.

“don’t say that stuff, gyu,” you smiled at him resting your palm on his cheek. “i missed my chance with you. you deserve someone who will appreciate you from the start. you don’t deserve someone who makes you wait around.” 

and with that, you pulled away from him, took a quick glance in the mirror and fixed your hair, and left.

and he had no choice but to let you. 

xu minghao “oh, simple thing, where have you gone? i'm getting old, and i need something to rely on. so, tell me when you're gonna let me in. i'm getting tired, and i need somewhere to begin” - somewhere only we know by keane

“what do you want?” you asked, leaning against your door. 

“can i, uh, get some books that i left here?” minghao asked not meeting your gaze. you squinted your eyes at him. this was so not minghao behavior. even though the two of you stopped hooking up a couple months ago there was still some sort of tension that made you want to claw your hair out. “yeah, i have work soon, so, uh, make it quick,” you mumbled, moving out of the way of the door. he nodded and quickly brushed past you. 

your apartment was small and you knew what books he was looking for. they had been sitting on your coffee table for the past months. it wasn’t like you took time to read all five of them in his absence. it wasn’t like you ranked them by how much you thought he would like them. it wasn’t like you knew the book with the green cover would be his least favorite. but you knew you were never going to tell him that. 

you picked up the stack of books and handed them to him. he took them and glanced around your apartment. he noticed that the painting the two of you made together as a joke was still hanging out by the window, and he couldn’t help be smile at that. 

now there the two of you stood. saying nothing. being with minhao was always quiet, but never this type of quiet. this was stale and somewhat raw, you missed the times of soft comfortable silence. 

“well, thank you for holding on to these,” he finally said.

“of course, i mean i’m not a monster who throws away books,” you chuckled. he laughed. you loved it when he laughed, especially since it took you ages to get him to stop stifling it around you. 

“before i go, ___, i just need you to know that i don’t regret the things we had, and i don’t regret how things ended. i just need to know why.”

if you thought the air was stale before, you were not prepared for that. “i- i swear it has nothing to do with you,” you said. all he did was nod. “i don’t know,” you resigned yourself. 

“yes, you do,” he shrugged. you stared at him, dumbfounded. yes you knew, but you were barely ready to admit it to yourself, how were you supposed to admit it to him? 

“i understand that you’re lost, i am too. maybe you can’t tell me right now for whatever reason, maybe you don’t even know yourself, but i can’t stand not being around you,” he said finally.

you just looked at him. he wanted to be around you? after you broke up with him? he still wanted to be around you. 

“look, i know it’s weird, but i’ve spent a lot of my time with you. i’ve genuinely enjoyed all the things we’ve done together, and i’m just at a loss for what to do. you were a huge part of my life and now that we’re not together i-” he rambled

“don’t know where to start again,” you finished for him. his eyes flickered between you and the ground. 

you would be lying if you said you didn’t feel the same. leaving minghao had left some sort of void in your life that you weren’t prepared for. he had been a huge part of your life and then he was just gone. “i guess we could try to be friends again,” you suggested. “just to start again.”

he nodded.

deep down you knew you couldn’t just be friends with him, and he knew that too. yet, he agreed. he needed somewhere to begin again, and you did too. so like you always did, you would always come running back to each other even if it meant leaving each other for good in the future.

“hey, hao,” you called after him. he turned on his heel and looked at you expectantly. “don’t read the book with the green cover. you won’t like it,” you warned. he glanced down at the books he was carrying and back up at you. “noted,” he smiled. “i guess you’ll have to recommend me a different one next time.”

boo seungkwan “if i were a mountain, i'd stand my ground, and maybe i'd never listen. but if i were a mountain, i'd close my mouth and maybe i'd be forgiving” - i’m not a mountain by sarah kinsley

seungkwan tried. he tried his hardest. he gave his everything in every aspect of his life. he gave his all to you, yet for some reason it wasn’t enough. sure, he knew this wasn’t an official thing, but he still treated it as though it was.

“i just- i don’t understand,” he stammered. the look in your eyes was not one of malice or hatred, just sorrow. “i’m moving, kwan,” you sighed. “i can’t- i can’t make you wait for me. we can hardly make it when you make your trips.” 

that was true. he needed you like oxygen and his job wasn’t necessarily very forgiving towards the health of his... friendships. “don’t you think we can work it out?” he questioned. “is everything we’ve done together mean nothing?”

“that’s the thing! everything we’ve done means everything to me,” you cried. “please just let me go. maybe if we meet again, it’ll be meant to be.”

he paused. 

it meant everything? did that mean...

“i can’t just let you go. we are meant to be. us, here. right now. this is right. why can’t you see that?” 

from his perspective, it was his fault.

did he not show you enough love? did he not text or call enough when he was away? was he not a nice enough friend for you to stay?

 if he was stronger he would’ve stopped you, even though he knew you were right. some people say that couples who are meant to be together can last the test of time and distance, but that was the issue. you and seungkwan were meant to be together, physically, mentally, emotionally.

“seungkwan, please just - i’m sorry. i can’t play this game anymore.”

“then let’s stop playing, i’ll give you everything!”

“but i can’t give you everything.”

that would be fine, as long as you’re with me, he thought.

“i’m sorry, seungkwan. i- do like you, a lot. more than i should. and it isn’t fair to you to wait for someone like me who can’t love you in the way you deserve,” you sighed, making your way to the door.

if seungkwan was stronger, he would kiss you. he would hold you in his arms and tell you that you are the only person he’ll ever need or want. he would tell you that he loves you. he would ignore the things you said about leaving and make you stay. make you see that you were his world. 

if seungkwan was stronger, he would stand there and forgive you for all the times you couldn’t give him your all. he would forgive you for ghosting him occasionally. he would forgive you for breaking his heart. 

but seungkwan, wasn’t strong enough to do that. he was upset that you could walk away. he was upset that you were crying about this. he was upset that he couldn’t do anything about it. his facade was in shambles, and his world was crumbling around him. 

instead of standing up and protesting anymore, he shut his mouth and bowed his head. tears were dotting the floor as he heard you make your way to the door. “i’m sorry, seungkwan. i love you,” you whispered.

he heard.

“i love you too,” he said as the door clicked shut.

choi vernon 어느 날 우연히 마주치면그건 우연이 아��지 몰라 “if we meet by chance one day, maybe it’s not a coincidence” - one day by chance by ailee

“you have to meet him!” your friend giggled. “he’s so your type!”

“type? and what would that be exactly?” you entertained the notion. 

“im not sure, but he’s for sure your type!” you rolled your eyes. you hadn’t dated anyone since high school, and even then it wasn’t that serious. “and what if he isn’t my so-called type?” you questioned.

“then you get to hang out with me at an awesome party,” she stated.

you didn’t even like going to parties, but you only went to entertain her (and to be her ride home). when you finally arrived at the party she slipped way saying that she was off to find the guy. you sighed and made your way the kitchen to find the bottled water. it was most likely going to be a long night and you were-

“oh hey, sorry,” the guy you just bumped shoulders with apologized instantly.  

“no worries, i wasn’t watching-” you paused. “- where i was going.”

“___.”

“vernon.” 

“there you are! oh! look you found him before i did!” your friend exclaimed a cup already in her hand. 

right. this was the only person in high school that you had a relationship with and thought it was mildly serious. “you were looking for me?” he cocked an eyebrow at you.

“no.”

“yes! i think ___ is just your type!” you friend practically screeched. 

“is that so?”

“i’m afraid not. i’ll be outside,” you grumbled to your now confused friend as you walked out the back door. you heard your friend calling after you, but you couldn’t be bothered. it wasn’t like you held a grudge towards vernon, but he was the first guy to break your heart. you knew it was just a stupid high school relationship, but there was something about him. something that was so charmingly awkward that you couldn’t help but enjoy his lame jokes and not as lame music tastes. you didn’t even announce to your friends that you were dating, you didn’t really announce it to yourselves either. it just started. and it just sort of ended. maybe the reason it hurt so much to see him here was simply because there wasn’t any screaming or crying or fighting when it all ended. just zero effort or care was behind the ending.

then something just happened and the two of you just stopped hanging out as much. you knew you couldn’t completely blame it on him. he started hanging out with a different crowd, as did you. and suddenly, it wasn’t. the breakup was as quiet as the get together. but it didn’t hurt any less to see him with his arm around someone else at lunch. 

after high school you tried your best to move as far away from your hometown. you largely succeeded. new friends, new places, new experiences. you had it all while avoiding any contact from your previous life. but there was always that thought lurking in the back of your mind about what could’ve been. 

it was just a stupid high school thing. then why was your heart beating so much?

you were too lost in thought to notice that vernon had joined you on the porch. “long time no see,” he said, taking a drink from his cup. you scoffed, but not so much in an unfriendly way. just a “that was such a you thing to say” scoff. he laughed taking a sip of his drink. and there you sat in silence. it was comfortable until it wasn’t. 

“why’d we stop talking,” you asked suddenly. he shrugged. “not an answer, vernon,” you groaned. 

“we grew a part, i guess.” the conversation topic obviously irked him. it was weird, because you had dreamt of this moment for as long as you could remember. reuniting with your high school boyfriend. it seemed far fetched, yet here you were. you were never one to believe in that metaphysical stuff, but maybe this meant something. maybe this was the universe saying something. no. it couldn’t. it was too good to be true. 

“did you feel anything for me? i mean, back then at least,” you asked finally. 

“yes,” he said, with a sort of certainty that scared you. 

“okay, good.” you turned and you were about to go back inside as you muttered to yourself, “at least now i can move on.”

“what if i don’t want you to?” he called.

“excuse me?” you turned on your heel to stare at him.

“what if i don’t want you to move on?” he repeated. 

“then you should’ve tried.”

lee chan “got to get it in my head, i'll never be 16 again. i'm waiting to live, and waiting to love” - when by dodie

some things never lasted, and that was a tough pill to swallow. an especially tough one for chan. he moved away, but he had his phone and your number (and address if he needed to resort to letters). there shouldn’t have been a problem. he promised he’d call or text at least once a day, as did you.

and for a while. it worked. things were just the same as they were. almost as if he had never even left. 

yet as time passed, he wasn’t expecting to be so busy with his new neighborhood, school, and friends. so, he forgot to text and call quite often actually. just sporadic texts for holidays, funny things, “hellos” and “goodnights.” nothing like what you two were like before. and soon, that became the new normal - for the next four years. 

that is until one day when he suddenly remembered the deal the two of you had. he felt guilty. every day turned into every two weeks to once every month, and even less frequent than that. he had promised you the bare minimum, after all, you two were best friends. 

however, when he looked at your contact and messages, he realized that you never reached out that much either. just the same “happy winter break!” or “aren’t you so glad summer break is here?” or “we should visit each other soon.” those plans never came to be. 

maybe if he had just told you how he felt before he left, the remnants of your relationship wouldn’t be in such shambles. you would have a reason to text and call him. you would have a reason to come and see him and vice versa. except, he didn’t. you two were better off as friends anyway.

and he thoroughly believed that himself. he really believed it when it was the summer and he wanted to visit his grandparents who happened to live a little outside your childhood town. he still loved you even if he couldn’t call you every day to show it. who knows, maybe he could pass through, see you, and finally get to tell you how he felt after all these years. just because you guys didn’t talk as much didn’t mean things would be awkward or weird, right? and it definitely wouldn’t be weird if he just confessed his feelings he had been harboring for you since the seventh grade, right? the feelings he concealed and tucked away just in case you didn’t feel the same. the feelings he didn’t want to risk a friendship over. the feelings that still made him dream of you. 

so as he drove through his small hometown he parked along the street where the two of you would walk and window shop. he got out and strolled around greeting some of the older store owners who “oohed” and “ahhed” at him. he was finishing up his conversation with the baker when he heard it. 

the undeniable sound of sunshine. the laugh he grew accustomed to throughout your entire elementary and middle school years. he bid farewell, and went searching for it. he walked down the street and looked for it, for you. then he came to the end of the sidewalk and saw you. you were sitting on a bench with some ice cream. you looked beautiful. your eyes bright and smile wide. so bright and wide that he almost missed the guy who was wrapping you up in his arms and kissing your forehead. 

oh. 

so things did change. chan didn’t recognize the guy, but he knew this guy was more than a friend. his heart was sinking to the bottom of his stomach. and it sunk even further when he realize he needed to walk right by you to get to his car. 

shit. 

just tear off the band-aid fast. maybe you wouldn’t recognize him. maybe you would be too immersed in the conversation you were having the guy to notice. he didn’t know what he would say to you. confessing wasn’t exactly appropriate now, not that it ever was. would he be awkward? oh please don’t be awkward, he pleaded with himself. 

so he just went. he just walked. looked around at his surroundings. acted nonchalant. he was the closest to you he’d been in years, and he couldn’t even bring himself to wave at you, let alone look you in the eye. he ducked his head when he got closer to passing the bench where you sat. he kept his eyes to the ground and successfully made it past your table. there was approximately five beats of his heart when it dropped again. “chan? is that you?” you called after him, he heard you get up from the bench. he looked over his shoulder slightly, but he couldn’t bring himself to fully turn around. you stood in the middle of the sidewalk, ice cream melting down your hand, and your presumed boyfriend staying off to the side. he turned back around to keep walking to his car. “god, chan!” you shouted. “get back here! why didn’t you tell me you were going to be in town?”

“sorry, i- i have to get to my grandparents’ place by dinner. it was nice running into you, ___,” he mumbled, blinking his eyes to stop the tears from falling. 

“chan, come on, it’ll be quick.” you were getting closer to him. he couldn’t let that happen.

“no, ___. i can’t. i have to go.” i don’t know what i was thinking. “i’m sorry. just text me or something.” 

he really should’ve told you how he felt when he was sixteen.

min | mmmm sad foolish people in love.... i wanted to do one with ceilings but i already did doomsday so i didn’t want to go overboard with lizzy... it’s been a while since i wrote angst ALKDJ leave so feedback in the comments or in the tags (they’re all greatly appreciated) not proofread 

#seventeen #seventeen reactions #seventeen headcanons #seventeen x reader #seventeen scenarios #seventeen angst #seventeen imagines #vernon x reader #joshua x reader #jeonghan x reader #minghao x reader #dokyeom x reader #seventeen fluff #mingyu x reader #seventeen smut #wonwoo x reader #wonwoo angst

[deathofpeaceofmiiind]

high infidelity | one

Do you really wanna know where I was April 29th? Do I really have to chart the constellations in his eyes? April 29th 2022 (a/n yes I know some of these dates don’t actually add up, it’s just for story purposes!) Elliots POV Nursing really wasn’t for the faint of heart, which makes me wonder why I do it. Part of me knows it’s cause I’m a pathological people pleaser and like all the pats on the back I get. On the other hand I did land myself a great position in the NICU and helping babies get healthy and go home was such a rewarding feeling. I worked twelve hour night shifts but they went by pretty fast. It was about 6:45am and I was wrapping up some charting as my phone buzzed beside me. It was my best friend Danielle. “Hey boo! Don’t forget we got tickets for Bad Omens tonight!”

Shit, I totally forgot. I sighed deeply, catching stares from some of the parents visiting their babies. I hated texting Tyler about anything because he acted like everything was fine but sadly, I had to play the part too.   “Hey I totally spaced and forgot I’m going to a concert with Danielle tonight. My dad is going come over to help with Liam’s dinner and bedtime until you get home.” “Okay :) See you when you get home!” I rolled my eyes so hard they almost got stuck. My shift was over so I handed off report to the nurses coming on shift and headed towards my car. I lifted my mask off as the fresh air hit my face, waking me up a little bit. I took my phone out of my scrub pocket and texted Danielle back. “I can’t wait…I need a girls night.” “Come to the venue at 5 so we can have some drinks and sneak front row.” Danielle worked at the venue where Bad Omens would be playing, which worked in our favour. She always got us free tickets to every event and snuck us in early to get a good spot.  I discovered Bad Omens around the same time I met Tyler. I heard Careful What You Wish For on the radio and I was hooked. During the pandemic, I found myself watching all of Noah’s twitch streams every single day. It was his way of staying connected to the fans and to fill the void of uncertainty of this virus. Something about his voice was so soothing, seriously, he could do audiobooks or podcasts if this singing thing doesn’t work out. When I got home, Tyler was on his phone typing away, probably to whatever her name was. Marissa? Miranda? I don’t know or fucking care enough to remember. He got up from the table and tried to kiss me but I turned my head and lied about having a cold sore forming. He went to make me coffee and I suddenly felt nauseous. Every time he tried to do something nice for me my blood would boil. He wasn’t doing this because he loved me, he did it to keep his image. I took the coffee from him and turned away from his sad attempt to kiss me again. “You never want any affection from me anymore, what is going on?” Oh if only you knew. “Tyler, I spend all fucking night with babies on me and being overstimulated by people. I just want an hour where I’m not touched or talked to.” “Right.” “Sorry.” I lied, rolling my eyes. I started to walk towards the stairs so I could go up and shower but he stopped me dead in my tracks. “You know tonight will be the third time you’ve gone out with your friends this month.” He shot me at me. That was the one thing I fucking loathed about him. He was really, really good at being a dick about absolutely anything. I never bothered replying to him, I just headed to my master bathroom and turned on the shower. The water felt so good as I washed off last nights shift, which was a mixture of formula and spit up. After my shower I took my coffee into my bedroom and settled on a rerun of Friends while I waited for Liam to wake up. I heard Tyler leave and I felt like I could breathe properly. 

A few hours later there was a knock on the door. Liam and I were having a nap on the couch after we had lunch. It started to rain earlier so it ruined our plans to go to the park, instead we settled on Disney movies and snuggles. His nap time was the only time I got to sleep during the day unfortunately unless he was at daycare. I slipped out of his grip to go answer the door, it was my Dad. He greeted me with a hug and we walked into the kitchen. I threw on some coffee for us as a yawn escaped my mouth. “Thanks again for staying here until Tyler gets home.” “Anything for you pumpkin.” He replies as he grabs the creamer out of the fridge for us. “Is everything okay? You seem a little down lately.” “Uh…yeah there is something.” I said before taking a deep breath. “Tyler’s been having an affair. I haven’t told him I know, I’ve been getting everything in order with my lawyer before I serve him the papers.” “When did you find out?” “A month ago.” I laughed. I don’t know why I was laughing, but somedays this situation felt comical to me. “I’ve only told Danielle because her mom is a lawyer.” “Why didn’t you tell me?” “I was afraid you would’ve shown up here with a shot gun.” I chuckled before taking a sip of my coffee. He half smiled but I could tell he was really upset. “Dad I’m fine. I’m going to figure this out.” “I know. Just talk to me sooner next time okay? Now that your mom is gone you and Liam are all I have.” “I miss her so much.” I said as I felt that all too familiar lump in my throat anytime I thought about my mom. We sadly lost her to Covid after she came home from a girls trip in Mexico, right around the time the pandemic hit so we didn’t know the severity of it. It hit her so fast, causing her to go into cardiac arrest and passing hours later. I had days where guilt hit me hard since she was admitted to the hospital I worked at. I wasn’t allowed to care for her cause looking after family is considered a conflict of interest. It’s been so difficult without her, but it has made my bond with my Dad a lot stronger. We talked and finished our coffees before Liam ran into the kitchen after his nap. He was only fifteen months old and could already outrun us all. I picked him up and showered him with kisses before I headed upstairs to get ready for tonight. I opened a raspberry White Claw as I put Taylor Swift’s Reputation album on shuffle, it was my favourite album by her and it was my go to while I got ready. I settled on a pair of faux leather leggings, a low-cut bodysuit to show off my sternum tattoo, and black Doc Martens. I was still learning to love my postpartum body but I had to admit, the new hourglass shape I had was starting to grow on me. 

My phone buzzed that my Uber was outside and it caused my heart to flutter. Something about the idea of finally seeing these boys in real life was making me nervous, and I had no idea why. I never put them on a pedestal or thought they were gods but it’s gonna be surreal after only seeing them behind a screen. I said goodbye to my dad and Liam before heading out the door. I was so happy it was almost May, the weather was mild enough that I didn’t need a jacket anymore. “There she is!” I smiled as I walked up to Danielle who was with our other two friends, Amy and Taylor. They complimented my look and it gave me the confidence boost I desperately needed. Danielle walked up to the bar when we got in and got us a round of double gin and tonics which was just what I needed. My nerves were getting the best of me and I really needed to loosen up a little bit. After a few more drinks we headed to the barricade and waited for the concert to start. 

“So El, are you excited to see Noah?” I furrowed my brow and looked at Taylor, “Uhh…I’m excited to see the whole band.” “Obviously, but you’re obsessed with Noah. You’ve been practically drooling over him since he was streaming.” “I have not.” At this point I was blushing so hard and I couldn’t blame it on the drinks we had. I mean, she wasn’t wrong. His long hair would make me fold every time I saw him and don’t get me started on the buns he used to do where strands of his hair would perfectly fall around his face…or when he used claw clips or… Make them Suffer came onto the stage and interrupted my thoughts that were going south. The girls and I thrashed around to their setlist and right after that A Thousand Below came on followed by Dayseeker. I cried a little bit during Without me then went back to dancing and even caught a guitar pick. I was feeling better than I have in months, I felt so carefree, happy and not thinking about what my home life was like. I wish I could feel like this every night.

The lights went dark and I froze. I could feel my heartbeat in my ears as Folio walked towards his drum set and started to play to the beat of Concrete Jungle. I had tried my best to stay off TikTok to avoid spoilers but I knew Noah came out next before the rest of the band. Before I could process what was going on, he was right in front of me. He stood there all dressed in black, his leathered hand wrapped about the mic stand and he started to sing. Holy fuck. I couldn’t take my eyes off him throughout the entire show. He was captivating as he had the crowd in the palm of his hands. His voice sounded better than I could’ve imagined, he had the voice of an angel and the screams of a demon. I don’t know if I was being delusional, but I’m sure we made eye contact a few times. He sat down at the edge of the stage and serenaded the crowd with who are you? and he was right in front of us. He was so close I could see clusters of freckles on his shoulders peeking through his tattoos. When our eyes connected again I waved at him to embarrass him and it totally worked cause he fumbled his next line. He got up and walked towards the other side of the stage, not before turning back around to look at me again…he was completely flustered. “What was that?” Danielle screamed at me as the girls just stood there in disbelief. I just shrugged at them before putting my attention back on the band. The show came to an end, not before Noah and I stole more glances at each other. I tried to gain my composure, but I couldn’t. I cannot believe I just flirted with Noah Sebastian. Also the show? Fucking best concert I’ve ever been to, so good that my throat was hoarse and I’m pretty sure my toes were bleeding. “Hey guys before we go, I just need to go to my office to grab my purse. I can’t stress this enough though, no looking for the band okay?” As much as I wanted to find Noah, we nodded our heads in agreement before heading back there. I was not about to get my best friend fired from her dream job cause I wanted to flirt with some boy in a band. I really needed to pee though after holding it for almost three hours so I went on a mission to find a bathroom. I circled for a few minutes before finding a women’s bathroom. As I walked in the toilet flushed and the stall door opened. It was Noah. He put his hands up in protest as he flushed pink, “I promise I’m not a woman.” I forced an awkward laugh as I looked him up and down. He already looked like he showered and changed. The scent of his cologne lingered over to me and I could feel my face burning. He walked over to the sink to wash his hands so I took the opportunity to admire his tall stature. He was wearing black skinny jeans with a grey Chief hoodie and white Nikes. He had his sleeves rolled up to his elbows and his tattoos were exposed. My face was getting hotter the longer I watched him…I felt like a victorian man seeing a women’s ankles for the first time.

Also…Chief? One of my favourite bands? What are doing to me Noah? “Nice hoodie.” Noah smiled at the ground before looking back up to me. His eyes were so dark you could hardly see his pupils. They were the kind of eyes you could get lost in…and I definitely was. “Sorry I’ll give you some privacy.” He said gesturing towards the bathroom stall. I smiled at him as he walked past me towards the door. Noah stopped as he opened the door to turn back to me, “oh by the way, thanks for making me fuck up tonight.” “I did no such thing!” I audibly gasped. Noah shut the door and walked back over to me, “you definitely did.” “I was testing a theory that you were eye fucking me through the whole show.” I said as I crossed my arms, trying to make myself look taller but I was failing miserably. “Well, how was my eye fucking?” He replied with a deeper tone to his voice. He crossed his arms as well and got closer to me, close enough that he towered over my 5 foot frame with no problem. I was completely lost for words on account that my bladder was about to burst. “I have to pee.” “Ok fine, I’ll go.” He said, looking down at me as he grinned like a devil, “this isn’t over.”

#bad omens #noah sebastian #fanfic

[messrsbyler]

the letter mike never sent to will

dear will

will,

what’s up, will?

hi, will.

this is mike. though you probably know it’s me since you saw my name in the envelo-

how are you? it’s been a while since we last talked. i’ve been trying to get you on the phone but the line is always busy. how are things over there? here in hawkins nothing much has happened since you guys left. school is still there. high school sucks, by the way. it would’ve sucked a lot less if you were here with me. or maybe it’s this town that sucks, you know? all of hawkins. maybe it’s always sucked and i am just now realizing just how badly it sucks. well, you get the point. hawkins sucks. and i think… i think it’s because you aren’t here

i hope lenora is better than this shit hole. yeah.

so, what do you

how has school

do you have any new friends?

okay, you know what? fuck this. fuck this letter because i know i’m never going to send it to you because it’s fucking weird and i just… i won’t do it. so, i might as well just get this shit done with and say whatever i want to say.

i miss you, will. i miss you like crazy. and yes, it sucks. all of hawkin sucks because you aren’t here and damn it you were supposed to be here with me. we were supposed to leave this place together, that was the plan, remember? but now you are gone and i’m still stuck here and i hate it. and you know… dustin and lucas and max… they are good, they are. i would’ve gone insane without them these past months. but fuck will, they aren’t you. no one can be you, not to me. i need you, okay? i need my best friend back i don’t care how selfish that makes me.

it’s just… for the first time it feels like you are completely out of reach, and i hate it. when did that happen? how did that happen? it’s always been us against the world so when the hell did the world get in between us?

i wished you would pick up the phone. i wished we could talk and that your line wasn’t busy all the damn time. i wished you would call me back because writing you a letter is just… it’s not us. i don’t know what to write. i guess i could tell you about my week, about what it’s been like since you are gone, but what’s the point? it just feels wrong to tell you about such small things because i… i’ve never had to because you’ve always been there to know how my week has been. so i don’t know what to say anymore.

i don’t know. i don’t… this doesn’t feel good. this distance. when you were here everything was just… simpler and easier. everything was always easy with you. being with you, playing with you, talking to you, listening to you. it just came natural to me. but now? writing this letter must be one of the hardest things i’ve ever done and yeah, that’s up there with all the upside down bullshit we’ve had to deal with. and i don’t like it. things aren’t… supposed to be hard with you. i hate it. and i… maybe i hate myself a little because maybe this was my fault too.

the past year i was an asshole to you and honestly i’m not surprised you aren’t calling me back. what i said… what i said that night of the rain… that was messed up. and i’m sorry. i… i would never want to hurt you, will. i’m sorry i was so busy with el that i left you aside. and i’m sorry i realized too late what an idiot i was being. if… if that pushed you away, if that’s why you are okay with this distance between us then… i can only say that i’m sorry and promise you i mean it from the bottom of my heart. please… just please don’t hate me, will. i… i don’t think i could take that.

because… because i

no, no, you know what? fuck it. you’ll never see this so what the hell.

i don’t want you to hate me because i love you, will. and that scares the shit out of me. i love you in a way that i… i’m not supposed to. i love you in a way i can’t stop fucking thinking about you, day and night. i can’t stop replaying our last hug when we said goodbye thinking that maybe… fuck i don’t know maybe if i had hugged you tighter you wouldn’t have left which is stupid but just… i don’t know. i don’t know many things, will. my head is a mess and you are all over it and i don’t know what to do without you.

and i’m sorry but i don’t hope things are good there in lenora. because i’m selfish and i suck and whatever but i need you back. i need you to want to come back. for… for me. for us.

anyway. there’s more i want to say but my hand is cramping and there’s no point to it. you won’t ever read this because i won’t let you, because i’m a coward.

but i miss you, and i love you, like crazy.

crazy together, remember?

love, mike

[this turned into a short story. here is part 2]

#i’m proud of this one to the point i would post it on ao3 but also not bc there’s no story just this letter #byler #byler tumblr #mike wheeler #will byers #stranger things #byler endgame #byler ao3 #cleradin #mike x will #byler fic #will x mike #byler ficlet #byler canon #byler letter #messrs writes #love mike #my ficlets

[ace-of-gay]

ok so Stucky’s little struggles with sensory issues & recently their hair has been bothering them because the length is causing the hair to touch their neck & shoulders. so Stucky takes them to get their hair cut at a salon. this causes a tantrum because salons can be very overwhelming. Stucky of course isn’t mad at their little because they understand that it is just too much sensory stimulation for their little & it’s hard to process that especially in little space. afterwards, their little feels so much better with their haircut.

I just had to do this over the weekend. I have thick curly hair & especially with what I do, it was beginning to become too much. it was hard to manage, causing sensory issues, & giving me gender dysphoria. I actually cut it myself because I’m a broke college student 😂 it didn’t turn out too bad. it is definitely shorter than I intended but it’s just hair & it’ll grow back so it doesn’t bother me.

anyways I would love to see you write this

💖

Too long

Stucky x little neurodivergent reader

Word count: 1,506 words.

Warnings: Reader is sensory averse, mentions of barbershops, scissors, slight meltdown'ish behavior, sensory issues, hair combing/ brushing meaning physical contact, etc.

Age regression is a coping mechanism, if your not knowledgeable and uncomfortable of the topic either read up on it or ignore please <3

No gender, weight, ethnicity or hair type mentioned, reader is at least slightly able bodied in this

Gn reader

90% edited to the best of my ability

Dont like it dont read it especially when theres warnings

It’d been a year and a half of you letting your hair grow out, the goal was a year potentially two if it wasn’t too bad but your hair grows fast and the weight of it being different now from when you had it cut is definitely a feeling that can make you turn on goals.

You made the goal a week after the haircut having already forgotten the burden of it touching your neck and covering your ears.

Hats were now impossible unless you tied it up but than there’d be an uneven feeling against the top of your head and that was not a desired sensation you’d wish to put yourself through.

There weren’t any safe hairstyles that you were able to comfortably do without them tugging on sections or it feeling uneven no matter the help you got from either of your carers.

Steve at shield for a business related event meant you were left with Bucky for the day, he tried his best to implement brushing your hair as a routine part of your day but the tug and pull hurt so had you’d whimper and writher in your spot if someone was brushing it for you often leading to you getting upset and telling them they’re doing it wrong even though they were just as gentle as you were, you would take over and do your very best but no matter how easy it was to get the brush through your hair it still hurt and the bristles and teeth of brushes and combs hurt so bad and felt like rakes in you scalp, currently you were sitting on the counter top infront of the mirror as Bucky carefully brushed and combed your hair.

Your face turned down in a winced frown, tears threating to spill from your glossy eyes, "bubby please stop, hurts bad, i try now" you whimpered trying your very best to keep from taking your painful frustration out on him, he could hear you slipping, "alrighty little bee, I’m going to make a snack for us, ill be right back, just shout of you need me"

you hated brushing your hair so much that you would help Bucky with his so he wouldn't feel the pain you felt.

It was always such an intimate and gentle thing for him, on stressful days where he felt stuck in a mindset that wasn't comfortable he would ask if you’d like to help him do his hair, often leading to him sitting on the floor in front of you how you do with him, carefully working your way through his hair.

He refrained from telling you that the pain and discomfort was probably just a sensory issue possibly allodynia, he feared if you knew it would make you feel lonely and not understood in the struggle.

Gliding the brush through your hair it would get through but it was a struggle.

Once so far into the struggle and pain it became a ticking time bomb for lashing out, a grumble as you tug one last time with no success, you take the brush from your hair, a broken sob taking it in both hand "j-jus stop hurtin mee please hurts so bad i gon break you, i hate youu!" followed by you throwing the offending brush to the floor, getting down from the counter you open Steve and Bucky’s hair styling kit, taking out the scissors and grabbing a chunk of your hair.

Bucky heard the ruckus and knew what was coming, making his way to the bathroom as quickly as he could while keeping a calm composure, he wished with all his heart that he could help you how you do him.

rounding the corner into the bathroom to see you holding the scissors in one hand and some hair in the other, tears burning trails into your cheeks.

"Hey honey bee, lets not do that, sharp objects are dangerous, can you please hand me the scissors precious? "Your  trembly little hands slowly move to carefully hand Bucky the scissors that he sets aside out of reach, pulling you into a hug.

"I know it hurts baby, do you want to research some sensory friendly hairstyles and talk to Stevie about going to the barber tomorrow?  Does that sound okay?"

Reluctantly nodding into his chest he places a feather light kiss to the top of your head, you definitely weren't paying complete attention because normally you wouldn't even consider the barber shop but he carries on for the time being, picking you up taking you to relax in the living room, no more brushing for today.

Steve waking in you hurriedly set your sippy down to go greet him at the door, bouncing on your toes waiting for him to take off his jacket and set his keys down, with every bounce you could feel the ends hit the sides of your face, neck, and your ears, quickly shaking your head to get the feeling to stop and you halt your excited stim, "dada i get haircut tomorrow please?" Still having convinced yourself that its an at home haircut.

Bucky had already briefed him on the decisions of today and the hope for tomorrow over text, also letting him know that youre not exactlyaware it was for a barbershop haircut but alas it was necessary.

"I don’t see why not little bee, has bubby helped you decide what style you want?" Nodding you take his hand pulling him to the couch to show him the picture Bucky saved.

The next day came quickly with you excited for your sensory freedom from pain and discomfort, it finally dawned on you where youre getting the haircut because of your comfort stuffy being safely tucked away in your bag, your hand in both Bucky’s and Steve’s about to walk out of the house when you stopped, terror in your eyes, they dont let go but instead hold slightly tighter onto your hands for what came next, you dropped all of your weight to the floor, there was no way a stranger in a loud building was getting near you with a pair of scissors.

Managing to tear your hands from theirs you sprint off to your playroom hiding in the back of your closet with your comfort stuffie.

They knew this was coming, its no suprise youre terrified,  you only ever acted out when you were uncomfortable or scared so soothing you was the bis step "Baby i know you dont like salons, i promise daddy wouldn't take you to a bad place, its a sensory safe salon, no music, just us and two workers, does that sound okay?" Bucky soothed through the door It honestly did, it sounded much better than a normal barber shop.

you wearily walk into the hair salon for your appointment and like bucky had stated it was a very sensory safe environment which relieved some of the worry.

Being called over you sit in the chair as Bucky shows the hairdresser your choice Steve hands you your comfort stuffie "youre okay baby, i know its scary but we'll be just over there and we wont let anything bad happen to you" you nod and take a few breaths with him and than heads back over to the wait area.

"Quite the change, you’re gonna look amazing, the stylist cheers"

Going forth and doing your hair as decided the stylist makes sure to be as gentle as possible, knowing that your hair is an issue for you she makes the haircut go as quick and smoothly as possible, last in the process she picks up the comb and in that moment you clench your eyes shut taking deep breaths, holding tightly onto your stuffy, the comb easily glides through your hair a breath of relief. the change brought you much comfort, your hair no longer touching you face, neck or ears, brushing no longer feeling like a metal hose clamp to its tightest position and ripping your hair from your delicate scalp, now it felt like nothing, it was perfect.

The hair stylist unclips the cape cover and lets you head over to you daddies, a big grin upon your face, you shake your head rapidly, it felt like wind in the trees, ease and comfort, Bucky went to pay while you show Steve your new hair, "you look so good little love", bucky joins you both with a smile, "you did so good baby im so proud of you".

Stepping out into the slight breeze it felt so good and freeing.

The next while would feel amazing, being able to go about your days with fewer stressors, Bucky loves seeing you start your days with less discomfort and irritation from your hair being an issue, in all aspects its just hair, it doesn't depict who you are its grows back and it can be once again cut, and when that time comes youre certainnext time wont be so scary now that youve found a safe place.

Thank you so much lovely for requesting such a wonderful idea, i really hope this does your idea justice <3

#bucky x reader #bucky imagine #bucky x gn!reader #bucky fluff #daddy bucky #daddy bucky x little reader #steve rogers imagine #steve rogers x reader #steve rogers fic #steve rogers x little!reader #steve rogers x reader imagine #steve rogers x y/n #steve rogers x male reader #steve rogers x f!reader #bucky x female reader #bucky x male reader #bucky x gender neutral reader #bucky x you #stucky x little!reader #daddy stucky x little trans reader #stucky x reader fic #stucky reader insert #stucky x reader fluff #stucky x reader #daddy!bucky barnes x little!reader #daddy!bucky #daddy steve rogers #stucky x you #stucky x gn reader #stucky x plus size reader

[harlowsbby]

Sorrows

"You don't miss me Jack, I don't know why you're trying to convince me that.”

You were out and having fun with your friends Chloe and Halle they had invited you to tag along with them for the Grammy's after party and you knew there was going to be a 50/50 chance that you'd run into Jack and gosh you wished you hadn't.

Instead you were trapped in a corner with your newly ex trying his best to win you back.

The love both of you had for one another was very strong but there was so much troublesome in your relationship with Jack. He acted as if he reciprocated the same energy as you but he did and there was so much unfaithfulness that you knew you had to end it.

You were lying if you said you weren't yearning for his touch some nights.

"Come on Y/N stop acting like that. You know you miss me just as much as I miss you, let's stop playing this cat and dog game and just kiss and makeup."

He slurred his words, you scrunch your nose up in disgust. Jack was never a drinker but the smell of beer and tequila reeked all over him.

"Jack just move so I can go home we're done and we've been over this many times." You tried to squeeze past him but he was budging.

The two of you were so deeply and madly in love you had a strong relationship and connection right from the start but somewhere in there things started to crumble and end badly on

Jack's end of course. You were lying if you didn't say there was still some underlying love there.

"Please Y/N one more chance that's all l'm asking for and if I don't prove you wrong then WIlleave you alone." You sighed heavily, looking up at him you smiled faintly as he smirked down at you. You hated the way he had you wrapped around his finger.

"Fine, but this is your last chance Jack and if you fuck this up l'm don-.?

"Done with me for good I know I know, I'll text you later baby, I love youuuu." He song sang before removing himself from you and walking away. You watched as he walked away and sighed. Things could either be changing for the better or for the worse.

The next day

“Wait hold up so you took him back? Y/N I thought we were leaving all these weirdo dudes behind this year.” It was the following morning you had spent the night at Chloe’s and of course she was nagging and going on and on about Jack.

“What was I supposed to do Chloe? He had me cornered and I mean I sort of kinda miss him.” You mumbled.

“Are you being serious? Are you hearing everything that’s coming out of your mouth right now. He played you like a violin and you’re taking him back like nothing.” Chloe had a point Jack made you look like a fool on the internet he played you many many times but you went back to him every time.

“It is what it is Chloe just please be nice when he comes to pick me up later please. For my sake at least.” Chloe thought about it for a second with a stone cold look on her face before giving you a half smile.

“For you I’ll let it go but if he acts weird or if I catch him doing something shady I’ll kill him myself.” She joked and went back to stuffing her mouth with pancakes. “Oh I know you will Chloe.”

Later that night

You honestly didn’t even feel like going out tonight all you wanted to do was stay inside and stay warm, winter just started in Louisville and you hated how cold it always got. But staying inside wasn’t an option when it came to Chloe.

You got up and started getting ready for the party is wasn’t anything fancy just a little gathering so you decided on some leggings and a pink hoodie, Jack had gifted you awhile back. After you finished you sat in-front of your vanity and started on your makeup.

You were about to apply your lashes when you got a message. Looking down you noticed it was Jack. You quickly opened the message and rolled your eyes when you read it.

Jack 💗

- sorry baby I can’t make it tonight.. I’m stuck in the studio but I promise I’ll make it up to you tomorrow 💕

You were about to give him shit because it was always something when it came to him but you realized he was getting more popular now and hanging out with you came came second to everything.

You had a gut feeling that he wasn’t telling the truth but you couldn’t help it. He was a liar and a damn good one at that. You always questioned everything that came out of his mouth nowadays.

You quickly texted him back saying it was fine and you’d love to meet up with him tomorrow to which he responded by leaving you on read.

“Figures.” You mumbled but you weren’t about to let this bring you down.

“Who are you over there texting?” “It’s Y/N.” Urban spit out his drink he never thought in a million years he’d be hearing your name coming out of Jack’s mouth again.

“Wait you two are back together or something?! when did this happen.” Jack put his phone down before giving his attention to Urban.

“Yesterday, I followed her to the bathroom and basically cornered her and asked if she’d take me back.”

“So you’re together again?” Jack shrugged his shoulders “I mean I wouldn’t exactly say that but whatever floats your boat.” Urban was confused now and wasn’t understanding anything Jack was saying.

“What does that mean exactly?” Jack sighed. “I mean come on Urban I’m Jack Harlow you know how many girls will die to have a night with me.”

Urban didn’t wanna hear anything else Jack even had to say mainly because he knew a bunch of bullshit was about to come out his mouth.

“Y/N is a good fuck and that’s all.”

Urban didn’t like that one bit even though Urban was use to Jack using girls he didn’t think Jack would ever talk about you that way. You were one in a million and ever dude in Louisville knew that.

Instead of arguing with Jack, Urban suggested they go check out the party you were going to tonight.

“We can’t go there Y/N is going to be there.” The last thing Jack wanted to do was run into you especially after he told you he’d be in the studio. “We can go to Sunni’s party then?” “Yeah that sounds good.”

“Y/N are you almost ready? I hope not because plans got changed we’re going to Sunni’s party. So you might wanna dress down a bit.” Chloe yelled from downstairs.

“What? for what? I was excited for the little get together.” You pouted and put on you all white new balances.

“I guess Ella got sick last minute so Sunni’s party it is.” Your nose scrunched up to the sound of Sunni’s name it isn’t that you didn’t like Sunni he was just one of the main reasons for Jack’s not so loyal ways.

On the way to Sunni’s house Jack was the only thing on your mind you twiddled and turned the ring he had gifted you on your anniversary and smiled weakly at it. It was a promise ring with your birthstone in the middle.

“You know I lied I’m glad you’re back with lover boy I guess.” Chloe joked making you smile at her. “What happened to wanting to kill him earlier?”

“I know you really love him Y/N, I can see how happy he makes you.” Jack made you very happy you just really wished this time around was really different.

Once you pulled up to Sunni’s house you noticed the familiar black Range Rover parked in the driveway.

“Is that Jack’s car? Or am I delusional.” “I’m not sure but didn’t you say he was at the studio?” Chloe said.

You looked back at the car one last time before shrugging your shoulders and letting it go, maybe it was someone else’s car.

The minute you entered Sunni’s house you wish you hadn’t. There was people making out on the couch a few people throwing up outside but what caught your eye was a familiar long haired kentuckian on the couch.

“Urban is that you?” Urban cursed when he heard your voice but he couldn’t let it show that something was up. “Y/N? What are you doing here.” He said with a tight smile, Urban wasn’t that great when under pressure.

“The other party got canceled so we decided to tag along here, I’m surprised you’re here I thought you would’ve been at the studio with Jack.” He furrowed his eyebrows.

“At the studio?” “Yeah that’s where Jack said he’d be tonight.” You watched him intensely as he fiddled with his fingers.

“Oh right yeah no I didn’t wanna go you know I’m always with Jack I just needed some me time.” Urban laughed nervously before turning his attention to anything other than you.

“Are you okay Urban? You seem a bit off.” You noticed the way his chest started to rise and fall and the way his hands clenched around the shot.

“I’m good Y/N, I just need some air so if you don’t mind I’m just gonna step outside for a bit.” He quickly got up and stepped around you. Before you could say anything he was dashing through the crowd of sweaty bodies.

“Well that wasn’t weird at all.” You flopped on the couch and just leaned back watching everyone dance and sing. Man how you wished Jack was here or something you missed him so much being in his arms was some place you’d rather be.

Eventually the many shots of tequila got to you and the only thing calling your name was the nearest bathroom.

“Where are you going?” Chloe removed herself from the guy she was making out with.

“I gotta go pee or else I’m gonna go right here and right now.” You squealed as you did the potty dance. “You want me to come with? I don’t want you to go alone.” By the look of the guys facial expression he didn’t want Chloe going with you.

“No, I’ll be real quick.” She was hesitant but let you go.

Urban eventually came back inside and that’s when he noticed you weren’t on the black leather couch anymore. His eyes widened as he scanned the room, that’s when he saw the back of Chloe’s head.

“Where is Y/N?” Urban asked Chloe, the guy groaned as Chloe pulled away again. “In the bathroom.” Urban’s eyes widened. He knew Jack was upstairs probably deep in some random chick.

Chloe raised her eyebrows. “What’s that face for? Is she not allowed to use the bathroom.”

“I mean she is like she can I just fuck I’ll be back.” Urban quickly dashed up the stairs and after you.

“Hello?! Is somebody in there I have to use the bathroom.” You sighed and banged on the door all you wanted to do was pee.

“Just a minute.” Some girl yelled from behind the door. “Please hurry I have a really weak bladder and I have to go.” You cried out as you began to shift from one leg to another.

“Y/N.” You turned around seeing it was Urban. “Hey Urban.” “Whatcha doing? You know there’s another bathroom downstairs.” Urban knew he had to try and get you downstairs before Jack came out of the bathroom.

“I don’t think I’ll make it downstairs besides she’s almost done.” His eyes grew twice the size. “She?!” Urban yelled which startled you because you weren’t sure what his issue was or why he was yelling. “Yeah she? As in a girl.” You said slowly trying to make sure he understands.

“Well I’m sure if you just run you’d make it.” He tried taking your hand and leading you to the other bathroom but you weren’t nudging.

“Urban can you stop what’s your issue? You’ve been acting weird ever since I got here.” You placed your hands on your hips.

“Are you hiding something from me? If you are tell me what it is.”

“What?” He huffed and laughed.

“You know I’d never hide anything from you Y/N.” You weren’t falling for it and just as you were about to press him to tell you more the bathroom door opened revealing the girl.

“That was so much fun I’m definitely giving you my number so we can have a round two or three, thank you again Jack.” She giggled and placed a big sloppy kiss to his freckled nose.

“Jack?” You said and turned around slowly watching as some red haired chick gave you a look of disgust before brushing past Urban and You.

Jack’s smirk was quickly gone once he saw you standing there.

“Y/N?! What are you doing here.” He said nervously. “I could ask you the same thing Jack, this definitely doesn’t seem like the studio.” You mumbled.

“Uh I got out early and I ended up just coming here to kick it for a bit.”

“Right you just came here to kick it but it seems like the hickey on your neck says otherwise.”

You felt like a fool because once again he had played you but there wasn’t going to be any second chances this time.

“I’m done with you Jack all you do is play in my face I’ve given you chances after chances and you just love to make me look like a fool.” He watched how your eyes begun to get teary. “I hate you so much Jack and I mean that.”

He went to step closer to you but you stepped back. “Please let’s talk about this somewhere else.”

“There isn’t anything to talk about we’re over with Jack.” He tried to grab you but you pulled away and quickly ran away.

Urban clapped his hands slowly which gained Jack’s attention. “I hope you’re happy Jack.”

“Oh fuck off Urban you know she’ll come running back.” Urban chucked. “I don’t think so Jack but if you don’t mind I have a friend to find.”

Jack watched as Urban ran after you, Jack didn’t feel any type of sorrow at first until it finally hit him maybe you were really done with him but he didn’t just lose you that night he also lost his best friend.

“Y/N! Stop running please.” Urban cried out. He sighed in relief when you finally stopped running and leaned against his cry. When he was close enough you just cried in his chest and Urban just let you cry it out.

“Let me take you home please?” You sniffled and nodded and got into the car. You were exhausted mentally and physically.

The entire ride home Jack was the only thing on your mind. Maybe this was how things were supposed to be all along maybe he wasn’t the one for you. Maybe things were never going to be the way you painted them out to be. But something in you so badly wanted things to be different this way but boy were you wrong.

taglist

@hoodharlow @heavyhitterheaux

@jackmans-poison @jackharloww

@lcandothisallday @mortirolo

@a-moment-captured @jacksmoviestar

@nattinatalia @pianoisland

#jack harlow #jack harlow concepts #jack harlow imagine #jack harlow x reader #jack harlow x y/n #jack harlow blurbs

[nightghoul381]

Dark If ~ Jude Jazza

This a fan translation so it is definitely not 100% accurate. I do not own anything related to Ikemen Villains. Support Cybird by buying their amazing stories!

Prologue | Part 1 | Part 2 | Bitter End | Premium End | Epilogue

Thus, the Thorn Princess fell into a 100-year sleep due to a curse, but was awakened by a princes kiss,

And they lived happily ever after--.

Kate: “…I, I haven’t been kissed by a prince…”

A passage from The Thorn Princess that I’d read when I lived in England came back to me and I couldn’t help but mutter to myself.

Thorn Ellis: “Is something wrong?”

Kate: “Ah, no….While I was sleeping in this castle, didn’t my father or the military invade looking for me…?”

When I woke up, I was told that my father, the King, had passed away while I was sleeping.

I was worried for a while that I had parted with him in an impersonal way, but

After visiting his grave, I was able to sort out my feelings a little.

Moreover…because he cursed me and stole me from my father, he earned the hatred of all the people,

When I think of Jude, who is still hated and feared 100 years later, I can’t help but wince.

(I don’t want you to regret what you did to help me.)

So, although I had never really thought about it in depth, I suddenly became interested.

Thorn Ellis: “Aah…now that I think about it, I think there was one time.”

Thorn Ellis: “Jude had told me, so I mostly chased them away.”

Kate: “Eh…”

Thorn Ellis: “I was trying to get you back home unscathed as much as possible.”

Thorn Ellis: “It seems like all the people who came when I wasn’t there were stripped and kicked out by Jude.”

Thorn Ellis: “Sometimes there were people left hanging around for a while.”

Apparently, all of the princes were being attacked like thorns by the Wizard of the Thorn Castle and his assistant.

(In order for this world to have a happy ending.)

(Maybe it would’ve been right for me to wake up after being kissed by one of them.)

There is something missing in this world—Those words have always stuck with me.

(But…)

(If it meant I had to kiss someone other than Jude… I would rather stay in the distorted world.)

Kate: “…Thank you very much for protecting me.”

Thorn Ellis: “Mmhmm, you’re welcome.”

Jude the Wizard: “Isn’t it weird that you’re still thanking us for that?”

Kate: “! Jude, welcome home!”

When I hear that voice, my heart leaps on its own.

I jumped up from the couch and ran over to Jude.

Jude the Wizard: “You jump on me every time, are you a dog?”

Jude said slyly, avoiding me and sitting down quickly on the sofa.

It had been several months since I woke up from my sleep and tried to live faithfully to my love.

Kate: “I wanted to see you, so I guess it can’t be helped.”

Jude the Wizard: “Yeah, yeah, I’m impressed by how strong you are.”

It seemed that Jude still thought of me as a little girl or something.

(…I would like to be recognized more as a woman.)

(Is it because my mental age is too different as someone who has been asleep for 100 years…?)

The collar I wore when we met still adorns my neck.

I was told that it wasn’t really something that would make my head blow up, so I could remove it as I wanted, but…

I feel like I’m connected and tied to him, and I was so happy—I couldn’t take it off.

--At night, when I couldn’t sleep, I snuck into Jude’s study.

(This pile of books was all meant to cure my illness, right?)

On the one hand, I feel like Jude is so vindictive and endearing, but on the other hand,

I yearn for him, wishing that he had directed his attachment not only toward my illness, but also toward me.

(Currently, I guess I’m only seen as a laborer repaying my debt to Jude.)

(Of course, I would be happy to be of use, as promised…)

(I’m greedy. That’s not enough.)

A feeling of helpless sadness washes over me.

(…This room smells like Jude.)

The love that continues to build in my chest makes my entire body ache.

Kate: “Jude…”

I touched my lips with my fingertips.

(I don’t need a kiss from a prince…)

Kate: “…If I kiss you… will you be more conscious of me?”

Jude the Wizard: “I thought it was impressive that you were spending your evenings studying…”

Jude the Wizard: “What are you thinking of, pervert?”

Kate: “…!?”

When I turned around, I saw Jude leaning against the door with a sneer on his face.

(Jude!? When did you get into the study…)

Kate: “Um, that was…”

Jude the Wizard: “What, are you frustrated?”

My face heats up as I hear my exasperated murmur.

I bit my lip in frustration, feel as thought I was being mocked and insulted.

Kate: “Yes, if you’re asking… maybe I am.”

Kate: “But that doesn’t mean I want just anyone to notice me and touch me like this.”

Jude narrowed his amethyst eyes as he stared at me.

Jude the Wizard: “… Sounds like you’re saying you’re horny because you’re with me.”

Kate: “…Yeah, that’s what I’m saying.”

Even if he smoked me, even if he hated me. I wanted to make that point clear.

Kate: “Is it bothersome to be treated like that by a mere worker who’s simply paying off a debt?”

Jude the Wizard: “—a mere worker?”

After not moving at all until then, Jude suddenly twitched his eyebrows as he spat out the words.

Jude the Wizard: “… you really don’t get it.”

Kate: “Huh…?”

Jude’s long fingers slip between the nape of my neck and the collar.

Kate: “…Ah…”

The tips of his nails scratched my skin, and the insides of my body, which had been aching ever since I came into this room, trembled sweetly.

He pulled me in and brought my face closer to his.

Jude the Wizard: “I don’t think I’d spend 100 years working to cure someone I thought of as nothing more than labor.”

Jude the Wizard: “You’ve been licked, haven’t you?”

Kate: “Haah…?

My back begins to hurt from being pressed against the bookshelf.

When the collar was ripped off of me and my wrists were tied together—

I felt a soft sensation on the back of my neck where the needle had been inserted.

(Huh…?)

The moment I realized that those were Jude’s lips, my whole body shuddered.

Kate: “…ngh… ahh…”

A hard sensation touches my skin and slowly sinks into it, as if to instill pain.

(Jude is biting…?)

The numbness permeates through my entire body and I feel like my legs are losing strength and I’m about to collapse, but…

Jude’s knee, wedged between my legs, won’t let me.

Jude the Wizard: “…You said that before I put you to sleep.”

Jude the Wizard: “Because you said that, I couldn’t let you die.”

The shimmering amethyst looking down at me becomes distorted.

Jude the Wizard: “Ah… I guess I said it wrong.”

Jude the Wizard: “Because it was you, I couldn’t let you get away.”

Kate: “Jude…”

I was happy, I wanted him to touch me, I wanted to kiss him, I wanted to stare at him,

Jude looked down at me mockingly.

Jude the Wizard: “Oh, but I won’t, will I? No kissing, nothing more.”

Kate: “…ngh, why?”

Jude the Wizard: “You made me wait 100 years—so it’s not fair if I should satisfy your desires right away, is it?”

Jude the Wizard: “At best, you’ll get impatient, sulk and suffer.”

Jude the Wizard: “You’re not the kind of person to give up, so you can last 100 years, can’t you?”

Kate: “---That’s in such bad taste…!”

Jude the Wizard: “Ha… We’re alike.”

Painfully, so painfully, my whole body pulses and won’t stop.

Desiring him like crazy, the scorching heat invades even my thoughts.

(I don’t need a prince’s kiss.)

(A happy ending means going back to my original world.)

If he gives me this agonizingly sweet pain—that would be the greatest happiness to me.

Prologue | Part 1 | Part 2 | Bitter End | Premium End | Epilogue

#ikemen villains #ikevil #ikemen villains translation #ikevil translation #jude jazza #ikevil jude #ikevil jude jazza #ikemen villains jude #ikemen villains jude jazza

[tierneysodegaard2]

Dirty Secrets - Pierre Gasly x reader - Part Seven

Read Part Six here

Pierre Gasly x female!reader

Summary: Being the golden girl of Mercedes was easy when your dad was Toto Wolff. You’d been his Personal Assistant for a while with no problems until Pierre Gasly started to sneak around with you. Toto would kill him if he found out he was sleeping around with his daughter. Let’s just hope you have a good concealer to hide those marks Pierre leaves on your neck every night.

Word Count: 4.5K

Warnings: Angst, fluff, swearing, smut 18+++ (wrap it before you tap it, kids)

—

You took in his appearance. Although Pierre was dressed like his life was together his face certainly didn’t look it. His hair wasn’t as neat as it normally was, not to mention you could evidently see his slightly red kissed cheeks which had grown puffy due to the tears he’d spilt that night when thinking back to memories he wished to forget yet remember for a lifetime. Pierre took a deep breath before speaking, nerves he’d tried to suppress were spilling over with every word he spoke. 

“I wanted to apologise for what I said.” His eyes met yours. “I shouldn’t have said those things and everything I said to you wasn’t true.”

“Then why did you say it?” You arched your brows at him. 

“Because I was pissed off and looking for a cheap excuse rather than apologising straight away. I was being arrogant.”

“Suprised you admitted that.”

“It’s a rare thing from me.” Pierre gave you a little smile. “I shouldn’t have said those things about Toto too but right now making sure you don’t hate me comes before him. I’m not asking you to forget everything I said, I’m asking you to trust me again. I like what we have, I would never regret it even if Toto wanted to kill me over it. Not even he could make me stop wanting to be around you.”

“Did Charles tell you to say that?” You had a little smile on your face. 

“What? No, I came up with it myself.”

“Then I’m impressed.”

“Not just a pretty face.” He cracked a bigger smile before handing you the flowers he’d picked up. “I hope you like them.” Taking them from his hand you looked down at the baby pink roses with an expression matching his. “And I got you this as we didn’t get to finish our cake, granted I didn’t bake it but I did decorate it and I left the other half blank for you to decorate like we were supposed to.” He set the cake aside before speaking again. “So I drew you -”

“Is that a chicken?”

“No that’s you a horse.” He looked at it again, squinting his eyes at his work. “Christ is it really that bad?”

You laughed at his words, taking a few steps towards where he’d set the cake down, smiling at what he’d done. “It’s from when we went to the farmers market,” Pierre spoke. “I have the photo on my phone.” He pulled up the image, flashing his phone screen towards you with a proud expression. “I miss your company y/n.”

I miss your company y/n

That line warmed your heart. He could have easily said he missed the sex, he missed having you underneath him which was what this little affair was to be but he didn’t. Pierre not only missed the sex but he missed being around you more. He missed your laugh and the way your head fit perfectly in the crook of his neck like you were made for him. He missed every single part of you.

“I’m so sorry, I will apologise to Toto, I will make it up to the pair of you. I…” He wanted to tell you the one thing he’d been keeping from you for a while now but bid against it.

 wasn’t and I should have stuck up for you before my Dad jumped in and for that I’m sorry.”

“You don’t need to apologise. I know why you didn’t. He’s your Dad for God’s sake, the man gave up everything for you. I deserved what he said to me -”

“No you didn’t.” You got closer to him. “He’ll appologise to you.”

“I don’t think I deserve it.”

“The quicker you two appologise the easier it’ll be for me.”

“Are you two?”

“He isn’t talking to me.” You looked down as you spoke. “He didn’t even want me at Silverstone this weekend but Susie stepped in and cleared things up, for now anyway. We’re just playing happy families in front of the cameras.”

“This is all my fault -”

“No it’s not.” You reached up and cupped his face. “Everything will be fine, in the end.” Pierre wrapped his hands around your waist, pulling your hips into his. 

“I’ve missed you.”

“It’s only been a few days, besides you’ve been away from me longer than that -”

“Not with you hating me I haven’t.”

“I didn’t hate you… I might have thought about it…”

“I deserve it.”

“You were a dick Gasly.”

“I know… and I wanted to apologise before the race, you know… just in case…”

“Don’t say that Pierre, you’ll come back.”

He gave you a slight nod, leaning into your touch with every word. “I know but…” Before he could continue you, you planted a short and sweet kiss on his lips. 

“You will.” 

“Thank you.” He leaned his forehead against yours. “Now to go out there and prove to your Dad I’m capable of winning a race.”

“Oh yeah?” You smiled up at him. “Think you can win it at Silverstone?”

“Maybe, but I’m going to win one this year.” He gave you a smug grin. “That I can promise you.”

“I believe you.” The pair of you shared a sweet kiss once again before pulling away and leaving Lewis’ room together. Pierre kept his head down and walked straight out without uttering a word to anyone unless you counted the small nod he gave to Lewis, a silent thank you for what he’d done for him before leaving to get ready. 

Toto hated how you smiled down at the flowers Pierre had given you, he’d made a comment about it being a cheap way to apologise to which you replied in the same sarcastic tone that he hadn’t heard what Pierre had said to you. Toto didn't encourage it anymore, only focusing on the race ahead. 

Pierre was right in saying that he was planning to win, he came in sixth and was evidently rather proud of himself as when he passed the Mercedes garage he gave you a bright smile, winking and not caring that your Dad watched his every move.

After the ceremony Pierre walked back into the garage, acting as if he owned the place. He planted a kiss on your cheek before walking towards Toto. “Mr. Wolff?”

“You know you aren’t supposed to be in here Gasly.”

“I wanted to speak to you.”

“Well, I don’t want to speak to you so I will see you next week.” He grabbed a stack of papers and went to walk away. 

“I want to appolgise.”

“It’s not accepted.”

“Pierre,” Susie jumped in, not wanting a scene to explode in front of everyone. “Susie Wolff, it’s nice to meet you, properly this time.” She smiled at him. “Would you like to have dinner with us tonight?”

“What?” Toto spun his head and snapped at his wife. 

“Perhaps we can all talk over dinner, let everything simmer down that way.” She looked between you three. You gave her a small smile and mouthed a ‘thank you’ to her. 

“If that’s okay with you -”

“Of course it is.” Susie smiled at him, ignoring the glares she was receiving from her husband. “You already know the address so come round at six-ish and we can all have dinner with one another.” 

Was this the worst idea anyone could ever have? Probably. But the request was already done. Toto wasn’t impressed in the slightest. The entire car ride home was filled with Jack’s laughter and the occasional remark so his son didn’t catch on that something was wrong. Susie on the other hand was actually excited about this idea, she started to prepare dinner the moment you all walked in. 

Meanwhile, you were getting ready when a soft knock at your door grabbed your attention. “Come in…” You called out, thinking it was Susie but you were wrong. 

“You look pretty.” Toto’s voice grabbed your attention. You turned your head slightly, giving him a light smile before turning back to your reflection in the mirror. 

“Thank you.”

“Can we talk?”

“About?”

“Tonight.” You nodded, turning to look at him as you sat down, gesturing him to do the same. “I’m not going to lie and say I’m happy about what’s going on. I’ll always be protective over you. I just want to know what’s going on.”

“I think you already know.”

“Partly. Are you two together?”

“No.”

“Right…” 

“You can’t judge what I’m doing when you did exactly the same with my mother.” 

“I’m not -”

“You sound like you are.” You slumped back in your seat, pondering on your thoughts for a few seconds. “He’s not a bad person and in the time I’ve gotten to know him better than you have. I understand that you want to protect me but Pierre and I aren’t like that. There are no strings attached.”

“I hope he knows that,” Toto muttered. “I will speak to him tonight.”

“Well considering he’s coming over for dinner I’m glad you’ll try and make some conversation.”

“But he needs to apologise.”

“So do you.” 

Toto narrowed his gaze at you, letting out a huff as he stood up. “He’ll be here soon.”

“Be nice.” 

“When have I ever been nice to one of your boyfriends?” He gave you a little smile. 

“Good thing he’s not my boyfriend then.” You hit back before walking out of the door with him and down to the dining room.

Pierre clearly wanted to make an impression and a good one at that. He turned up with an Alpha Tauri hat signed by him for Jack and flowers for you and Susie. He held his hand out for Toto to take and thankfully for the two of you Toto took it and accepted the handshake before you all sat down for dinner. For a few minutes, everyone sat and ate in silence before Susie knew she had to instigate a conversation. 

“So Pierre, you’ve been racing since you were a child, yes?”

“Yeah, that’s right.” He gave Susie a small smile. “That’s how I know most of the guys, especially Charles. We’ve been friends since the karting days.” 

“That’s lovely.” She returned the smile. “I’ve seen you two around the paddocks together, you two seem to get on well.”

“He’s basically family to me, maybe one day we’ll race on the same team.”

“Would you want to race for Ferrari?” 

“Possibly so.”

“Certainly won’t be racing for us,” Toto muttered but you heard him. Glaring at him you took a deep breath, trying not to let everything blow back up again. “What team then?”

“Sorry?” Pierre nearly choked on his food when Toto spoke. 

“What team would you want to race for?”

“Oh well, I haven’t really thought about it. Probably a team that would support me and I could win the Championship with.”

“Good answer,” Toto replied. “So… what are your intentions with my daughter?”

“Not now Toto.” Susie spat. 

“Well, I wanted to speak to you about that, privately.” Pierre kept calm although deep down he was terrified. 

“Why would you need to tell me privately? Don’t you trust my daughter enough that she deserves to know your intentions?”

“I trust y/n more than you’ll ever know.” Pierre’s words came out as more of an insult to Toto rather than a kind compliment towards you. 

“Yet you still hide things from her.” 

“I’m not hiding anything from her.” Pierre leaned forward slightly. “You’re one to talk, you won’t even let her live her own life. I get you care about her but there’s wanting to keep her safe and then there’s locking her away like she’s some prisoner.”

“I don’t expect someone like you to understand -”

“Why? You think I don’t care for others?”

“You don’t have a daughter.” Toto shifted his gaze. “But if the pair of you really are sleeping around like rabbits then maybe you will soon enough.”

“Toto!” Susie snapped but it was too late. You stood up and left the table, walking straight to your room without uttering a single word however you weren’t alone. Pierre had also left the table and was following close behind you. 

You attempted to slam the door behind you but he caught it, grabbing your attention. “I’m sorry -”

“No.” You cut him off. “You didn't do any wrong. He did and right now I can’t be in this house or I will say something I can never take back.” 

“Come with me,” Pierre suggested, walking into your room and shutting the door behind him. “You and I can go away until Silverstone again next week.”

“I don’t want to burden you -”

He laughed lightly. “Burden me?” He stepped closer, moving your hair behind your ear. “I’ve been around you since the beginning of the season, do you really think I would be asking for your Dad to forgive me or even think to beg for you to forgive me?” 

“True…” You smiled slightly as Pierre planted a kiss on your forehead. 

“Pack and we’ll go to spain.”

“Spain?”

“I’ve got a place I think you’ll like there and I hope you like the sea as I’ve got a yacht that’s basically begging me to take you on.” 

Smiling you pulled open your wardrobe doors. “Oh yeah?” You started to pack, making sure to pack some revealing outfits. “That’s rather different from the countryside.”

“It is but I’m sure you’ll enjoy it.”

“I’m sure I will, even if it’s for just a week.”

“If things don’t get better you can always stay with me longer. I can take you to dinner in France, I know a few good spots.”

“Bet you take all the girls there.”

“Only the special ones.” He winked, grabbing a few things for you that he knew you’d need. “My car is outside we’ll head to the airport as soon as we leave.”

“Sounds good to me.” You grabbed your suitcase and confidently walked out in front of him, leading the way to your driveway.

“Where are you going?” Toto asked, still sat at the table as he watched you and Pierre walk towards the door. “y/n?”

“Send me any work you need done by next week. I’ll see you at Silverstone -”

“No, y/n -”

“I will see you next week.” You met Susie’s gaze. “Thank you for dinner, I’ll see you next week, tell Jack I’ll miss him but we’ll see one another soon.” 

“I will.” She nodded, making no effort to stop you and Pierre. “Be safe.”

“I’ll look after her.” Pierre smiled at her. 

“No you won’t, y/n where are you going?” Toto now stood up, panic in his voice.

“Away.” 

“Where?”

“Somewhere not in England.”

“I need to know -”

“No you don’t.” You spun around on your heel as you reached the front door. “I’m not a child anymore, I’m not that little girl that ran around the garages all day long. I have my own life and if you can’t accept that then that’s on you. I get you want to protect me, I really do but you’re doing the opposite when you go after Pierre. When you insult him and when you try and act like he’s not worth my time. If everything goes to shit then that’s my mistake to handle and my lesson to learn from, not yours. I just ask that you support me and let me cry to you when I need to.” 

Toto didn’t utter a word. He was too heartbroken to even open his mouth. He let his eyes fall from you as you unlocked the door, stepping out into the night air with Pierre by your side. The last thing Toto wanted was to lose you, he would never forgive himself for hurting you like this but he couldn’t do anything to stop you. Pierre had already started up the car and was leaving with you by his side. 

It was too late. 

“You alright?” Pierre placed his hand on your thigh as he drove, sparing the odd glance at you. 

“Yeah…” Tears had fallen from your eyes. 

“You don’t need to cry mon amour.” 

“I hurt him -”

“And he hurt you. You just told him how you felt which was the right thing to do.”

“Thank you, Pierre.” You looked over at him with a smile. 

“You know it reminds me of that one film… what’s it called… uhh with the vampires…”

“Twlight?”

“That’s it!” He laughed. “When she leaves her Dad to run off with Edward.”

“Difference is we aren't running from someone who wants to kill me and I didn’t lie to my Dad.” You shook your head with a smile at the words he’d spoken. “I can’t believe Pierre Gasly referenced Twilight to me.” 

“Charles and I binged them all in one night once.” 

“Did you actually?”

“Yep.” He smiled at the memory. “We started watching them during a rain delay once then finished them that night in the hotel, Charles cried.”

“Did he?”

“Yeah, said he wanted what Bella and Edward had.”

“Christ..” Both you and Pierre shared a laugh at Charles’ reaction. You glanced over to the Frenchman, his smile lighting the path ahead as he told you all of his stories from his childhood, doing his best to hear you laughing the entire night. Just those few simple moments told you that you’d done the right thing.

—

Your time with Pierre was coming to an end. He’d suggested having a day out on his yacht so the two of you could stay away from all the chaos before you flew back to England the next day. You were currently laying on one of the deck chairs, soaking up the Spanish sun. Everything had become calmer since you’d spent time around Pierre. He made you forget about everything, in more ways than one. 

“Afternoon beautiful.” Pierre made himself known as he walked towards you, handing you a drink. 

“Afternoon.” You smiled before sitting up, taking the drink from him. “How was your workout?”

“A chore as always.” He chuckled slightly as he sat down next to you. “You look nice today.”

“Why because I’m half naked?”

“I think you look hot with and without clothes so.”

“Oh how romantic Gasly.” You smirked as Pierre ran his hands along his thighs. Your eyes fell to his hands. After his workout, he always looked more toned than he used to and not to mention you couldn’t keep your dirty thoughts at bay when you looked at his bare thighs from under his shorts. 

“Come sit.” He lightly patted them, instructing you that he wanted you on his lap. You silently complied with his request, straddling him before setting your drink aside. “You know I didn’t tell you to straddle me.”

“I know.” You traced his chest with your nails. “But I wanted to.”

The truth was that since you’d been spending time with him you both hadn’t had sex and considering the two of you were supposed to be friends with benefits that was rare. In fact, you hadn’t slept with him for nearly two weeks and he always looked stunning after he’d worked out so why wouldn’t you make a move on him. 

You let your hips grind down onto his, your hands trailing up his body as you hummed to yourself. Pierre bucked his hips slightly at the contact, his hands followed yours, tracing up your skin before lightly tugging on the strings of your bikini. 

Smirking at him you dived forward and attached your lips to his neck, sucking and biting down on the skin. 

“y/n…” Pierre warned as he slapped your ass. “You know you can’t leave a mark on me…”

“Why not?” You pulled back and pouted at him. 

“Because if my driving suit doesn’t cover it then I’ll be in a lot of shit.”

“I’ll lend you some make-up.” You now moved to his lips as Pierre’s hands went to your hips, encouraging your movements. Tugging at his swimming shorts you moaned into the kiss as Pierre started to nip down at your bottom lip, smirking when he could slip his tongue into you. 

He now moved his hands to your chest, pulling the bikini lightly but with enough force that it slipped straight off your body. He threw the material behind him as his hands started to tug at your nipples, making you moan. 

“Pierre please…” 

“All mine…” He groaned as his lips found your neck, mirroring your actions from earlier but this time he bit down harder, knowing he’d leave a mark on your neck for the world to see. He bucked his hips again as he made another mark, tugging at your sweet skin before smacking your ass again. “All mine for everyone to see…” His thumb traced the marks, smirking at you. 

Pierre now moved his hand in between you two, teasing you through the thin fabric. You whined at his actions, your hands gripping his shoulders and grinding on his hand for more friction but Pierre wasn’t going to give you what you wanted that easily even though he was trying his best to hold back. 

“Pierre please…”

“Please what?” He taunted. “Come on ma douce, use your words…”

“Stop teasing Pierre!”

“You can do better than that.” He added more pressure. You let out a moan at the feeling of his fingers against you and you could feel his cock growing hard underneath you. 

“Please Pierre, stop teasing, I haven’t had you in so long.”

“Oh I know baby…” He teased, his free hand slowly undoing the material which kept yours and his skin apart. He pulled it from your body, discarding it as his fingers ran up and down your folds. 

“Don’t Pierre…”

“Don’t what?” 

“Don’t tease.”

“Then beg me for it.” 

You rolled your eyes which Pierre caught onto. He slapped your ass again, making you jump forward onto his fingers. “If you roll your eyes again I won’t let you cum.”

“Don’t you dare.” You snapped your eyes at him. Pierre smirked as he pushed his fingers inside of you, making you fall into the crook of his neck. “Fuck Pierre…”

“You were saying?” He pulled his fingers out of you before thrusting them back in. “You’re so wet for me already… missed me that much huh?”

“Fuck, yes Pierre… please…” 

“Please what?” You moved your head from his neck, groaning as he sped up. 

“Fuck me please…” 

“Good girl.” His thumb went to your clit, adding pressure as he continued to fuck you with his fingers. “Tell me when you’re close, yes?”

“Yes… fuck I will…” You moaned as he smiled at the sight before him. 

“Such a good girl for me…” He could feel you tighten around him, a clear indicator that you were close but he wanted you to use your words. He wanted you to admit how close you were in such a short amount of time. 

“Pierre…”

“Yes?”

“I’m gonna -” Your words fell into the air as he removed his hand from you. “Why did you do that?” 

“Because I haven’t felt you cum around me in so long.” He shifted in the chair slightly, pushing his shorts down, allowing his cock to spring free. He pumped himself a few times before grabbing your hips and guiding you down onto him. You sunk down completely onto him, moaning into his neck as he filled you up. “Move when you want love…” Pierre hissed as he filled you, wanting nothing more than to fuck you senseless. “God, you’re so fucking tight.” 

“Shouldn’t go so long without fucking me then.” 

Pierre let out a laugh as you started to move against him. “Beleive it this is the last time I leave it that long to fuck you again.” You started to bounce on his cock, a steady rhythm which had begun to tease him. “Don’t you start…”

“Start what?” You started to quicken the pace, making his expression change to pure pleasure but that didn’t last long when you slowed back down again. 

“Teasing me.”

“You’re finally getting a taste of your own medicine then.” You ground down onto him as your hands ran through his hair, pulling at the ends when he bucked his hips up at you. 

“Don’t you dare otherwise you’ll be turning up to Silverstone in a wheelchair.” 

“You’re all talk Gasly.” 

Pierre wrapped his hand around your throat, pulling you off his cock enough that he could thrust up into you as hard and fast as he could. His free hand moved to your clit. He quickened his pace, the sensation building back up in your stomach. You threw your head back, moaning slightly as he started to squeeze your neck tighter. 

He smirked as he let you fall onto his cock again but he kept thrusting only this time you could feel him deeper inside of you. You moaned even louder as he now pulled your hips down onto his cock every single time he thrust up.

“Pierre…”

“Yes?” He groaned as he felt you tighten around him, he knew he was close. 

“I’m gonna cum…”

“Ask nicely.” Even when he was holding back he still found a way to act cocky and smirk at your reactions. You didn't answer him straight away, only making him speed up even more. He smacked your ass once again. “Answer me.”

“Please Pierre, can I cum?” 

“Wait for me and you can.”

“You’re such a dick.” You moaned. “I can’t hold it -”

“Wait or they’ll be consequences.” 

“Your punishments are soft anyway…”

“Oh yeah?” He gave you a menacing smile. “Just for that I’m gonna punish you.”

“How?”

“Wait and see.” He winked as his head fell into your chest. He latched his lips to your nipple, pulling and tugging with his teeth slightly. “Cum.” You muttered loud out for you to hear. You felt him twitch inside of you as you came around him Pierre came inside of you, holding you down onto him so none of his cum would spill out. 

Your head fell into the crook of his neck, biting down on the skin as you tried to suppress your moans from your high. 

“Good girl…” He whispered, his chin resting on your shoulder. “Fuck I missed that too…” You let out a light laugh in his neck before pulling back to look at him. Moving the hair from his face you kissed his lips lightly. 

“Me too.”

“Think we should just stay here forever rather than return to the track tomorrow.”

“I wish we could Gasly.” 

—

Taglist: @honeybadger03​ @unicornfairytail​ @iamasimpingh0e​ @katcontrreras​ @ferraribarca @peakywitch​ @teamspideyman @vio111a @hayleyy-l

#pierre gasly imagine #f1 imagine #f1 x oc #f1 x reader #f1 x you #f1 x y/n #pierre gasly x oc #pierre gasly x y/n #pierre gasly x you #pierre gasly x reader #pierre gasly smut #pierre gasly

[the-jarvy-party]

ANTISOCIAL | König

könig x fem!reader

lowercase intended | warnings: cursing, guns, normal cod stuff

wc : 2515   (masterlist)

you and könig didn’t start off on the best terms, but after one mission your strict ‘no close relationships’ rule was broken.

translations at the end!! i’ve been wanting to write for könig for awhile - but my writers block hit hard. also i had to start writing this on my computer so please don't mind spelling and grammar errors.

könig and i really didn’t talk much, we put our energy into work rather than relationships. i also felt like könig didn’t like me too much because i took ‘his’ spot on the sniper squad.

regardless, we needed to work together. no matter what unit or squad we were on, we were all a communal team.

“cmon, we gotta work together for this.” i catch up to könig and he looks down at me, i couldn’t see his face but i could tell he was annoyed. “we aren’t gonna get any further than this if you keep being an asshole.” i snarl as he walks away.

i soon realized he wasn’t being bitchy, he just didn’t know how to properly express his emotions. so, now, we’re here. stuck in an abandoned house where könig was the only uninjured person in here.

he grabbed my sniper, taking a few of the men out. the muffled screams of our squad was heard throughout the room.

“k-“ i groan and hold my shoulder, “könig, i need you to,” my breathing starts to pick up, because as i was talking the blood soaked through my gear and flowed through the spaces in between my fingers. “i need you to take my radio and call for backup.” 

he only nods, sliding down for cover under the window. “wir brauchen verstärkung.” he clicks the radio off and slides it back to me.

“thank you.” i whisper, i felt weak. i hate how i let myself get vulnerable in-front of the man who i was supposed to be better than.

but in combat, being more skilled really didn’t matter because we were a team. 

͟͟͞͞➳❥

“really disappointing mission, team.” our captain paces the front of the room. he looks over at me before turning the board on.

“cap,” i raise my opposite hand up and he turns around. “if we’re gonna call up a replacement for me i choose könig.” i look at the man next to me.

“you’re choosing… a giant to be a sniper?” he rolls his eyes and scoffs. “yeah in your dreams, princess.”

“woah! don’t call her th-“ horangi raises his voice.

“you be quiet. you all are dismissed, ones who are able to go to the range.” the captain mutters something under his breath before we all leave.

“you’re just gonna let you talk to him like that?” horangi catches up to me and i roll my eyes.

“kinda have to,” i bite my bottom lip and look outside, wishing i could go to the range. “he’s a dick so something is coming to him.”

“that sounds like a threat…”

“hm?” i look at him and shrug, before walking ahead to my room.

͟͟͞͞➳❥

i hear a soft knock at my door, it was könig. “hey.” i smile and let him in.

“i’m sorry.” he whispers and sits down on my bed, his hand lingers on the soft blanket at the foot of my bed.

“for?” i sit next to him and wince when i sat down too hard.

“letting you get hurt.”

"that wasn't your fault, i should be more careful." i shrug and look up at him. "it was pretty cool how you just took out those men." i smile and i could feel pride radiate off of him. "you'd make an amazing sniper, that's why i nominated you."

"i could never be a sniper." he clicks his tongue, shaking his head. "that's why they picked you."

"can't shoot with a shoulder that had a bullet through it less than 24 hours ago." i look away, towards the tv that was hastily set up on the dresser when we were stationed here.

"mhm, i forgot about that," he mumbles, his accent making such a simple sentence so much hotter than it was supposed to be.

"you have two useful, working shoulders, though." i try to lighten up the mood. "very useful." my hand goes up to his shoulder and he flinches away before i could realize what i was doing. "sh- shit sorry."

 i could tell he was flustered by the way he switched his sitting position, "i should probably go... bis später." he whispers, waving to me and gently shutting my door.

 ͟͟͞͞➳❥

 as my shoulder started to heal, könig and i’s friendship blossomed. which i was happy about, not only because he could help me but because it was my first (very) close friendship on the base and in general. 

i was at the store trying to shop for the base, roze comes up to the cart and dumps stuff into it. "ridiculous how he only picked us to do the shopping."

"i know," i roll my eyes. the pt said to start using my injured side of my body, since i kind of stopped using that arm. "it's better than könig being here, he'd fuck up the whole invisible thing." i struggle to lift up a bag of apples to put in the cart.

 "you're right." roze helps me lift the bag, "remember when he went into that target back in california…" we both shiver and i shake my head, not wanting to remember it. 

 as the weather heated up, we also were starting to have more training sessions - that i couldn't attend. i could barely get my gun positioned the way it used to be. 

 "atta girl." könig helps me put the sniper into my shoulder, just him saying that made me wildly miss the target. 

 "fuck!" i groan in pain, the gun recoiled and hit right where i got shot not even a full 3 months ago. "ah-!"

 "you're pushing yourself too hard, when i got shot in the leg it took me a year to fully recover and rehabilitate." salvatrice comes over to where könig and i were. 

 "i need to get back out there, i'm driving myself mad sitting in my room." i try and give her a smile before she walks off. könig was silent as i kept trying to hit the target, my shaky hands making my aim erratic. his slight readjustments would be pushed back by me, because that's not how i remember doing it. 

 ͟͟͞͞➳❥

 it was july when i realized a change in my agility, i was finally getting back in my groove (according to könig). 

 "mile time… 5:45. great job, diamond." captain checks his stop watch. nodding, i go to get a drink of water. 

 "target practice is next," könig fills up his bottle in the fountain next to me, he was seriously hunched over. "ready?" 

 "you fucking know i am." i smile and wipe off the corners of my mouth. "it's at 7 right?" 

 the rain was beating down on the buildings we used for sniper training, the sunset peaking out of the clouds in al mazra. i check to see if my ear piece is working and go to turn the safety off of my gun. 

 "you will not fire until i say so, i'm not having the problem we had the last time or we'll go back to strictly targets. immersive sniper practice is a privilege, not a right."  we all groan in response, i hadn't been in these since i started working for kortac so i just didn't answer the adrenaline waiting to fully run its course through my body. 

 fender started making up a mission from inside the center building in the makeshift city, it looked strangely like the embassy. "-and you're selected with the task to take out the star of the specgru, ghost." he fades out and i get my gun ready.

 konig comes up on my ear piece, "eyes on the target." i get my gun ready, looking through the scope to see a man in a ghost mask in the alleyway of the city - near where the heart of this 'city' was. 

 "locked in." i spit out the rain water out of my mouth and continue to look through my scope. i hear footsteps behind me, thinking it's the captain trying to help me improve my form. 

 "watch out, we're infultra-" my earpiece cuts in and out as i hear roze yelp in my ear. i look back to see another man in a red mask pointing a gun right at me. 

 "i would advise you to stop whatever you were doing, lass." he cocks his head to the side and i could hear him laugh. 

 i wasn't comprehending that we were in actual combat. "very funny," i get up and point my sniper rifle at him. "is this like… extra training?" regardless, i wasn't letting myself get hurt again. i shoot him in the arm before hearing someone yell very clear german. 

 "bloody hell!" he collapses, clutching onto his arm. "i wasn't gonna," his breathing labors and he puts his head back on the brick. "i wasn't gonna shoot." my eyes go soft for a second, pulling out first aid and setting it on the floor where he could reach it. 

 skipping a few buildings, i run into könig . "what the fuck is this?" i look up at him and he strugs, blood staining the mask he wore over his face. 

 "i didn't kill anyone, i didn't kill anyon-" he starts to panic a little and i make him run and we were both starting to get tired. 

 "fender and cap set us up, könig ." we climb inside of a building on the outskirts of the embassy. "those bastards." i whisper, trying to catch my breath. the rain covered our tracks, so i hope they weren't trying to find us. 

 "they have roze, too." könig whispers as we hear footsteps on the top floor. he puts an arm around my shoulders, putting me into his chest so i wouldn't make a noise. shit, i forgot to put the safety on my gun. it was in the corner of the room we were hiding in, but konig had a pistol that was digging into my side that i could use. 

 one wrong move and that gun could alert specgru where we were. the footsteps were outside of the room, my hand inching towards the pistol that was on königs utility belt. 

 "there has to be people in here." the mans accent sounded like he was from birmingham, definitely not the scot i shot before running. "i saw them run, the giant isn't so stealth."

 "just check each room on this floor, if they're in here, knock em'." it was ghost on the other side of the door. i quickly take konigs gun out of its holster and he jumps a little. 

 "yes, l.t." i hear a gun reload and a distant scream. 

 "i'm going to assist soap. keep watch, gaz." the window slides open and then it was dead silent, which was never good on a battle field. i make konig let me go and i stand behind the door. 

 i mouth the words 'stay' to him, because lets be honest. a 6'6 man isn't gonna be the quietest person on the planet, especially now where it matters the most. 

 "i know someone is in there," the man named gaz wiggles the door knob and i get my pointer finger on the trigger. könig moves behind a couch and gaz shoots down the door hinges. "ah, there you are." he reloads his gun and i shoot him in the torso. 

 gaz lets out a terrified scream, dropping to the floor seeing könig emerge from behind the couch. no matter how many times i did this i would always get a rush.

"i'll let you get out of this alive," i get down to his height, moving the flattened, damp hair off of my forehead. positioning the gun on his chin, feeling the heat of the gun from the time i shot him in the torso. "you just gotta promise that you never saw my face. promise me, big boy?" 

 "i p-promise. just," he opens his mouth from the white pain, whimpering. "let me live, ah god." i hand the pistol back to könig and he secures it in his holster. 

 "your wish is my command." i get up stepping over gaz so we could retreat back to the base. i rip both of our chips off the uniforms. 

  "das war heiß" könig chuckles under the mask and i shake my head. 

  "i don't know what you just said, but i'm flattered." i smash the chips with my boot and hear shots popping off in the distance. "we're leaving. getting our shit and leaving." 

 we could pack everything we had into one communal (big) duffle bag, and könig knew how to fly a helicopter so we took one. "you sure they won't care…" 

 "they're too busy kissing ass to notice. we'll land a few miles from my grans house." she lived in a rural, farming town so we were set.  "i can't believe i'm finally leaving, it was overdue." this is why i didn't form close friendships.

 "yeah, i'm glad i got to leave with you." könig had only his baclava on, retiring the ghost looking mask in the bag. 

 ͟͟͞͞➳❥

 "gran?" i call out and she gets startled. 

 "my goodness! i'm so glad to have you back." she hugs me and i smile. 

 "i'm glad to see you too," i can tell her eyes were looking up at könig, she wasn't exactly the tallest person i knew. "oh, this is könig. i told you about him?"

 he waves and she smiles at him, "well, welcome! um, room is upstairs." she thinks we were sent back home due to injury (aka, because we had enemy blood on our uniforms). 

 "i hope you like it here, we'll eventually move to the states. a friend of mine has a condo we can rent out." i set my phone on the night stand and he takes his boots off. 

 "i will never complain," he shakes his head and sets one of my grans cookies on his lap. "this is heaven." 

 "i would slap you if you said anything different." i look up at him as he brings the covering up to his nose bridge. "you have a nice face." i enjoyed to see him choke on the cookie from surprise. 

 "wh- huh?" his face goes red. 

 "you heard me." i grab my blanket from the duffle bag and cover both of us. "i'm not wrong, either." 

 his eyes dart around the room for a second before he rips off the rest of the mask. "still?" 

 "still." i study his facial features like i needed to memorize them for a test. if my feelings were murky and unclear from february, they were crystal clear now. a smile creeps up on my face. his voice and face matched up perfectly in my eyes. 

 "oh no, d- did i scare you off or-?" he starts to find something to hide his face and i grab his hands. 

 "no, no you didn't scare me off." i realized why he was an antisocial type person, he never got close enough to anyone to show his face and if he did they'd get scared off. "i think you're perfect."

 his shoulders relax and he lets out a sigh of relief. "wait, you think i'm per-" his voice cracks, i grab his face and kiss him to shut him up.

͟͟͞͞➳❥ ͟͟͞͞➳❥ ➳❥

translations

wir brauchen verstärkung : we need backup

bis später : see you later

das war heiß : that was hot

(könig also means 'king' in german)

#macs multi fandom tag #cod mw22 #cod mwii #mwii #cod modern warfare #call of duty #cod #könig x you #könig x y/n #könig mw2 #könig #könig x reader #könig fanfiction #könig imagine

[iloveavatar]

Hey hey lovie!

I have a request for a neteyam x reader. (Already established relationship if possible)

So, reader is an orphan from a traumatic experience, and Jake and neytiri raised reader as one of their own.

But, because reader was on their own for a while before being found by jake and neytiri so their fiercely independent and doesn’t really have l a regard for their own life and is often reckless. One day reader almost dies on a mission bc of their recklessness and neteyam finds out, freaks out, cries, begs them to take care of themselves and reader is like “I don’t care about myself” or “who cares if I get hurt” neteyam reassured them and it’s just fluffy comfort?

(Holy crap I’m sorry it’s so long I just have it so planned out In my head 😭)

i’m fine!

this is so amazing. i LOVE THIS IDEA SM. i’m so sorry this took so long💀

obv neteyam x fem!reader (already in a relationship)

neteyam has known the feeling stress from lo’ak. he knows the pain of that gut feeling tell him that something has gone wrong.

however it’s different when it’s her.

he has never felt this kind of stress before. it’s similar to lo’ak… except if you were to ask anyone how neteyam is handling it, they would tell you he’s not.

he’s not handling it well at all.

y/n brings neteyam a whole new feeling of stress. he deeply cares for her.

why wouldn’t he care about the woman he’s with?

now let’s just explain how neteyam got in this situation first yeah? yeah.

he was around 4 years old, he was hanging out with his grandmother. however when neytiri was out by herself she heard a baby crying out in the middle of the beautiful forest. obviously she followed the sounds, because who would leave their child here?

she ran into a young na’vi who looked around neteyam age.

long story short neytiri decided to take y/n (which is what the little na’vi said was her name) home and have her stay with the sully family.

when little y/n went home with neytiri, she was introduced to jake. she was nervous seeing all these different people and the couple took notice.

neytiri gently asked her, “is something wrong little one?”

y/n timidly shook her head “no ma’am! i’ve just never seen so many people before…”

the couple exchanged a look of confusion. there was only neytiri, jake, and y/n in their tent so far… what did she mean ‘so many people?’

“y/n… who are your parents? do you remember?” jake gently asked while sitting down.

y/n looked at the rug that was sprawled across the floor of the tent. tears started to rush to the surface of her eyes. she huffed because she hated crying.

“ive never met my dad… and my mom left me. she said i wasn’t useful enough for her to love me… so i want to become the best hunter i can!” y/n started out with tears, but then ended her sentence with a determined, stubborn look.

the couple felt their heart breaking at the reveal. they then made eye contact with one another, almost having a conversation with their eyes.

neytiri would help raise y/n and train her to become a hunter like how she wishes.

years later and neytiri stuck to her word. y/n eventually became such an amazing hunter that the clan looked up to her. she became an expert at such a young age due to neytiris help.

y/n having such an independent, strong, fierce personality and mindset, is exactly what made neteyam fall madly for her.

if you were to ask neteyam who was the best hunter in the clan… he would say y/n. after saying his mother of course.

and he wouldn’t just say this because they were dating… but because it’s true.

y/n climbed the ranks of being an amazing hunter so fast it could give someone whiplash.

y/n was so stubborn to prove that she was the best. she would train nonstop, barely sleep, and never ever ask for help.

that being said… y/n was so reckless because of her stubbornness.

neytiri and jake, even neteyam have tried to tell her that being reckless can lead to consequences in the future if she’s not careful.

she would also argue that “she’s fine” and that “she’s got it under control”.

as much as everyone loved her… they all thought she was stupid for risking her life nonstop.

this said reckless behavior is what has neteyam stressing in the first place.

y/n was out on a hunt with his mother to feed the clan, and neteyam was in charge of keeping an eye on lo’ak while they were out.

everything was going well until neteyam heard his mothers war cry.

his head whipped around to see his mother carrying someone else on her ikran.

it was y/n.

she had scratches up and down her body, blood seeping through and making her look like a bloodied mess.

neteyams heart stopped.

he got up and sprinted towards the crowd of na’vi that had eventually ended up forming. except when he finally pushed past everyone, he noticed the back profile of his mother running towards his grandmothers healing tent.

he started to sprint.

his heart was racing in fear.

once he made it to the tent, he found his mother and father waiting outside.

“you cannot disrupt your grandmother neteyam… let her work” said neytiri gently stopping him from entering the tent.

“what happened.” neteyam demanded. his voice came out strong, which was unintentional but his parents knew it was out of worry.

“we were hunting, and per usual she was amazing. however that being said, she was also being reckless once more. she inched closer to her target… something from behind the herd made a noise and they ended up running towards her direction… “ neytiri started to form tears in her eyes

“ i called out for her! i heard a sickening snap and everything else didn’t matter anymore. i tried to get there in time i swear my love…” she cried while taking neteyams hands gently.

“once i made it to her… her bow was trampled on, completely shattered. her body covered in marks and blood. bruises were already starting to form.” she sobbed.

neytiri felt awful. she saw y/n as one of her own. she thinks that she failed to protect y/n. she blames herself.

neteyam tightly hugs his mother with his own tears in his eyes. “it is not your fault mother. please do not put the blame on yourself.” he took a breath. “do you think grandmother will be able to fix her?” he hesitantly asked.

jake jumped into the conversation, “of course she will. y/n is stubborn as hell either way. if mo’at won’t heal her, y/n will find a way to do it herself!” he lightly joked, trying to take the tension off the mother-son duo.

the three of them lightly laughed.

they then waiting for about a half hour until mo’at came out of the tent.

“she’s healed. she’s getting some rest so you can come in and see her in a little while. stubborn one that girl! i thought she wasn’t going to make it through but she proved me wrong once again!” she praised with a smile on her face.

neteyam then waiting an hour or so to walk into the tent.

his parents figured it would be best for neteyam so see her first when she was awake.

he walked into the tent slowly, scared of what he might see.

he saw her laying down with multiple bandages on her body. tears instantly formed in his eyes.

y/n heard the sniffles and slowly opened her eyes. she turned her head gently towards the source of the sound. it was neteyam.

“oh ma teyam…” she softly started to say. “it’s ok! i’m fine..” she whispered.

“no it’s not ok! you’re too reckless… it’s like you don’t even care about your life anymore!!” neteyam shouted with a shaking voice. tears started to fall from his eyes now.

y/n gasped at his sentence.

“i- i don’t care about my life… it’s worthless!” she stated with a strong voice.

neteyam was shocked at the reveal. “h-how could you not care? i care for you. my family cares for you. everyone in the clan cares for you!” he loudly said with a broken heart.

“well clearly not everyone! if everyone cared then my mother wouldn’t have left me!!” she shouted with tears in her eyes.

“… she would’ve loved me..” she whisper while crying.

neteyam felt his heart shatter even more. he didn’t realize that she was still holding onto such sorrow.

neteyam rushed over to give the woman he loves a gentle hug, careful not to open her wounds.

they both sobbed in each other arms.

“y/n…” neteyam started out in a whisper. “you don’t need your mother to love you..because i love you.” neteyam stated sincerely. he looked into her teary eyes to show just how much he was being serious.

y/n started to sob.

“i-im sorry ma teyam!” she wailed. she finally felt the pressure of sadness she has been holding, break down and flow out like a river.

neteyam takes her in his arms again and doesn’t let go. he whispers sweet nothings in her ear until she slowly stops crying and falls asleep from exhaustion. neteyam feels his eyes slowly close and let’s sleep consume his body.

a couple hours later, neytiri walked into the tent to check on y/n. she noticed her eldest and his soon to be mate fast asleep cuddling one another.

she smiled at the sight and slowly backed out of the tent letting them sleep.

from that moment on… y/n was more careful with her life. she finally had something to live for. she didn’t care about her mother anymore.

she saw neytiri as her mother now. she wanted to live for her new family.

she wanted to live for her mates family.

she wanted to live for neteyam.

with neteyam.

from that moment on she had something and someone to live for.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

i’m so so sorry this took so long!! i’ve been on my period and i literally avoided everything and anything.

hopefully this is ok!!

if there’s any mistakes please lmk.

~S!

#avatar #the way of water #neteyam x reader #avatar x reader #neteyam #iloveavatar

[deanwinchesterpregnant]

b-sides & rarities

– for @wincestwednesdays flash event prompt 3: radio

Dean never liked to listen to the radio. Always claimed even the classic rock stations were trash; for every seven or eight good songs they’d play something he hated that wasn’t even technically the right genre, and don’t you understand that with my tapes that just ain’t an issue, Sammy? And besides, he always said, with that force in his voice that meant he was gearing up for a big rant, there’s no annoying-voiced disc jockeys to piss him off when it’s a cassette playing instead of the goddamn radio.

I got it, I guess. Commercials could be grating, and so could having to fiddle with the dial every time we got out of the territory of one radio tower and into the next. But as a kid it mostly just pissed me off. I wanted to be normal so badly, and I was convinced that normal included a family that would let you listen to Top 40 or the alt station. I was convinced it meant a brother who wasn’t trying so hard to emulate our father that he kept a box of the same exact tapes Dad had in his truck, under his passenger seat.

I was wrong, of course. Having parents that were stuck in their ways music-wise was maybe the most normal thing about our family, but I never really got close enough with anybody to discuss it. I had friends at some schools, sort of, but I never wanted to talk about Dad and Dean always had enough of a reputation around town that I never wanted to bring him up. I was jealous, of course I was, but I kept telling myself that was about the way girls flocked to him and not about the girls being with him in general.

A part of me knew, though. A part of me knew that my obsession with the girls and normalcy and an ordinary family with everyday jobs had to do with my feelings for Dean. The jealousy, the pining. In the end, I guess that worked out for me. It just took years and years of situations nobody should ever have to be put in first.

I don’t think I’d trade my life for anything, despite all the bullshit; sure there’s things that I wish had never happened and things that I wish neither of us had to ever experience. Dad, too. And Mom. But, I don’t know. It’s hard to think of a life lived without him, or a life lived where he’s just my brother and we have an appropriate relationship between us. A life lived where even if we were close – and there was always the chance that we wouldn’t have even been close – I’d never know his touch or what his voice sounds like when he’s about to finish or see him, however occasionally, in his most vulnerable moments. Even if that would’ve made things easier when he went, I don’t think I’d have wanted it.

Anyway, I don’t really take the car out, but I don’t listen to the radio either. Feels like one thing I can do to honor his memory, I guess. Maybe it’s stupid, I don’t know. But it’s nice to think about him cracking a smile, telling me he’s proud, even if I’ve moved on from cassettes straight to music on my phone. No annoying ass commercials, right? He’d say it with a grin. I can hear it; he’s talking all muffled from tearing at beef jerky with his teeth. No stupid deejays, huh? Only you and the music.

On days when it really fucking sucks, because there are days when it really fucking sucks, and I want to just end it all, I will actually go ahead and put on one of his tapes. The dad rock, the mullet rock, the Zeppelin I’ve heard so many times I could sing along just fine if I wanted to. It’s not only me and the music. There’s somebody else around.

#wincest #wincest wednesday #ww ficlet #spike words #cw one tiny line of suicidal ideation

[theycallmequeenie]

Angel Reyes x Reader Request

Master List

Part One

Part Two

Part Three

Part Four

Part Five:

A/N: Again, I just want to say that I am not Latinx and am completely winging this and in no way trying to disrespect anyone or anything in the Latinx culture. If I do get something wrong, please tell me and I will fix it right away. I have not finished the show and to be honest probably won’t solely because of how they finished Happy’s story. There is an image that accompanies this fic it will be linked both here and in the fic where it applies for the convince of those who prefer an uninterrupted fic experience. Now onto the next part of the story…

Y/N thought for a few minutes pondering her options before speaking up and verbally working through her thought process, “Well, you and Angel will both insist on being involved, as will Coco and Gilly, And the rest of the club, but if it must be a member, I’d prefer Hank. I think he’d probably be the one that would be the calmest about being stuck with babysitting duty, Though Phillipe would be the fairest option to the guys. I still say I’d be okay by myself for a little while, it’s not like I’m going to be running off anytime soon…” 

Bishop nodded acknowledging her statement. “I’d prefer one of the guys with you just for safety’s sake. I’ll call Hank and have him sit with you until Angel is available. We aren’t letting you be by yourself in here or at home, Sweetheart.”

Y/N nodded and made an annoyed face. She knew that this would be a long recovery with these guys on babysitting duty. She hated the idea now and she wasn’t even discharged from the hospital yet and hoped that they would ease up on that way of thinking. If not, she was certain her sanity would be put in question. 

She watched as Bishop pulled the burner phone back out of his vest pocket and hit the buttons, he needed to, to call Hank. She watched as he had the conversation and closed the phone. He offered her a smile and told her that Hank was on his way.

The two of them made small talk as they waited on Hank to get there to sit with her while the rest of the guys went and took care of the scumbag that put her in that bed. She knew roughly what was about to happen or at least knew enough to not ask questions and act like she knew nothing. 

As Bishop’s phone buzzed letting him know Hank was at the hospital, Bishop asked if there was anything else he could do for her before he left to take care of business. 

Y/N nodded, “Bish, promise me something…”

“Sure anything, Kiddo…” He spoke gently and with a slight smile.

Y/N’s facial expression went cold as she answered him, “I know what has to be done and I just want you to promise me you guys will make it hurt…”

This shocked Bishop but he nodded and agreed. He told her that he would pass that request along. She was never the revenge type but something like this could change a person. He hoped that this would be only a temporary change. She was the sweetest, kindest, most loving person he or the club ever encountered, and that road wasn’t one that he wanted her to go down. 

He kissed her forehead and said his goodbyes telling her that once she was moved to the regular room, he would bring the guys in to see her. He offered her a smile and walked out of the room.

Y/N enjoyed the approximately twenty minutes of alone time before Hank had made his way into her ICU room greeting her with a sweet smile and a hello.

The two talked for a few moments before a pair of nurses came in smiling say that her new room was ready, and they were there to transport her to it. They gathered what needed to be gathered and started to move her. Hank followed closely answering what little random questions the nurses asked along the short trek through the hospital to the observation room and he did what he could to help get Y/N situated again. 

Both Y/N and Hank thanked to two that transported her as they departed expressing well wishes as the left. Hank sat in the much more comfortable chair that was in this room than the hard plastic one that was down in the ICU.

Hank offered her another one of his sweet smiles and held out his hand for her to take if she chose too. He spoke in a gentle tone, “Hey Mija. You don’t know how happy I am to see that you are back on the upswing. I was so afraid we were going to lose you.”

“I know, Hank. Everybody was afraid of that, including me. I wasn’t ready to leave you boys. Especially like that…” She frowned and looked down away from Hank. Only to feel him pat her hand reassuringly. She gave him an obviously fake smile and reached for the TV remote, “Come on you big teddy bear. Let’s some forty-year-old television shows to pass the time, yeah?” 

He chuckled at her and nodded doing his best to squash any lingering concerns. He knew she would have a long road to get back to herself, but he had confidence that between the Reyes men and the rest of the club she’d get back to being her in no time. 

They sat there for hours just channel surfing and watching reruns of old TV shows. They had settled on a Dick Van Dyke Show marathon about midway through the day. It wasn’t one of Hank’s favorites, but he knew it was one of Y/N’s and he enjoyed seeing her smile and laugh at the black and white shows high jinks. Part way through one of the episodes Hank’s phone vibrated in hiss vest pocket, and he tapped out a short message before putting it away. He managed all of this without distracting Y/N. 

He knew they only had about another hour before the entire club would be there with them. The message he had gotten told him that things had been handled and the guys had dispersed to clean up and change before meeting there to see Y/N. Hank replied with her new room number and that they’d be waiting. 

That hour came and went and slowly the men from the Santo Padre Chapter of the Mayans MC trickled in. First to arrive was Coco and Gilly followed by, several moments later, Taza and Creeper, and within the hour the rest of the MC had arrived apart from Angel. 

No one knew where he could be. They all knew that this whole situation was a much needed wake up call for him, there was no way he wouldn’t just not show up. Bishop stepped out and started calling him. After about the fourth unanswered call Bishop left a very not nice voicemail telling Angel that wherever he was wasn’t where he was supposed to be and that he needed to get his butt to that hospital. 

After another half hour of the club hanging out in the hospital room talking amongst themselves and analyzing bits of the show that was left on the TV in the room, Angel finally rolled in and was met with several ‘Where the hell were you’ statements. 

Ten minutes of harassment later they finally let Angel Near Y/N. As he sat on the side of her bed, carefully making sure not the sit on any wires or tubes, he reached into the chest pocket of his vest and pulled out a ring box. 

Opening it he gave Y/N a Cheshire cat smile and held up the ring, “Well, Mi Amor, What do you say? Will you marry me?” 

The entire room fell silent enough to hear a pin drop waiting on Y/N to give Angel her answer. She sat there quiet for what felt like ages waiting to see how long she could hold out simply to exact a little bit of revenge for him taking so long to get there. 

Finally, right as Angel was about to crack under the pressure she spoke, but not to Angel, “Well Boys what do you think? We having a wedding?” She smiled and nodded at Angel as the guys all cheered much to the rest of the floors and the staff’s annoyance. After the nurses came in and asked why the noise was so loud, they were told congratulations and to keep the noise down to a dull roar as to not disturb the other patients on the floor.

After the staff chastising the entire room, they all agreed that it was time to head out for the night. After each one of the guys hugged and said their goodbyes to Y/N they all went along their way to their respective homes.

Angel stayed with Y/n, he curled up with her on the hospital bed making sure not to hurt her or catch anything that was attached to her. He had her tucked under his arm and as up against him as comfortably as she could be. They slept through the night and into the morning, being woken up by the nurses saying the Doctor was making rounds and would be in to see her shortly. 

Within the hour the Doctor was in to see Y/N and told her that as long as she had someone with her for the next several days that she was good to finish her recovery at home. Angel and Y/N were both excited that she was finally cleared to go home. And the Doctor excused themself to go take care of the discharge paperwork and to give Y/N some privacy to change out of the hospital gown.

Angel had grabbed her a pair of pj pants and a tee shirt of his for her to have on hand for when they did release her. As he was helping her change a nurse came in to show him how to change her dressing and to care for it correctly. After all that she was released and sent on her way, safely back to her home with Angel.

To Be Continued… 

A/N Part 2: Alright my lovely readers, this is the last big part of the story, and I will do my best to wrap it all up in a pretty bow with an Epilogue at some point in the (hopefully) near future. (Gotta keep my posting cycle in check.) I hope you enjoyed this part of the fic and I want to do what the show runners rarely do and tie up any and all loose ends. Love to you all, Queenie.

@ xnarca @withmyteeth @carma-fanficaddict @dreamy-caramel

Epilogue

#queenie writes #queenies fanfiction #angel reyes fic #angel reyes imagine #angel reyes #mayans mc imagine #mayans mc fanfiction #mayans fandom #mayans imagine #mayans mc

[pebiejeebies]

A little (long) chat about Inanimate Insanity..

(TW: ableism, curse words *like one curse word but oh well*)

DNI if you support ableism, hate neos, hate fictkins/alterhumans, and the DNI in my pinned. Thank you.

This is a VENT/RANT.. if you don’t like my vent, simply DNI, or whatever.. I honestly don’t care.

By the way to not confuse anyone, I used multiple pronouns flexibly in this, so if you see different pronouns, it’s still me talking about myself.

(Prns used: I/me, Xe/Xer |!| Neos: Cab/Cabself, Star/Starself)

Read at your own risk.

Let’s start.. shall we? (Poll below as well, I’m interested to hear your opinion and thoughts on this)

So.. I love listening about everyone’s opinions (If it wasn’t clear already), though I hate reading hate comments, especially about things I really love, like object shows.. specifically.. Inanimate Insanity..

Xe was REALLY trying to avoid talking about this, and about the hate towards the community, but xe HAD to talk.. Xe had to see why, and now that xe sees why.. well.. it starts to make xe feel guilty that xe supported all of this, that xe enjoyed seeing cabself (cabby) get beaten up by ableism, and just thought that it was “a part of their story line/arc!” So xe just shoved it aside, thinking maybe they wanted to make cab very relatable! Since she has memory issues and such! (Which did make cab very relatable, but it wasn’t worth it at all..)

I was so gullible, I didn’t see the red flags AT ALL, and I was too scared to confront myself and actually read the hate comments. It’s so hard to see something you like so much turn into this.. ridiculousness. Why can’t I just stick to a STABLE community, that I RELATE to, LOVE, AND KIN?! 

Can you imagine?! I KIN CABBY. What am I supposed to do when one day ii gets cancelled?! What happens to us fictkins when we get hate just because our characters belong in an ableist show?! I’m seriously worried, I wish I didn’t read any of these hate comments, but yet again, I would’ve never learnt the harsh truth, the harsh reality about everything.

Star has been searching, fandom to fandom, looking for that perfect fandom that star relates to, that’s popular, that’s LIKED. And NOW… 

Star loses. again. And now star is stuck with a kin that belongs in an ableist show. Because it wasn’t stars choice, because it never was stars choice, and star thought for once.. maybe something star couldn’t choose (specifically about fictionkin) wouldn’t be so bad! What would happen if star found out star kinned a character in a silly show? 

Well.. star found out alright. And star is not sure us fictkins will be accepted. Maybe I’m overthinking this and people won’t hate star/us, but star just can’t help but worry… You know? What if people shame us for being something we never chose to be? Especially when it links with an ableist show.. 

The real question is, do YOU accept me? Do you accept US? Even though our kin types belong in a bad community? Will we be allowed to interact with people? Or will we have to hide our identities because we might be in everyone’s DNI List?? (I’m genuinely speaking for all fictkins that have a kin in the show, I’m not only worried about myself, but about my fellow kins as well. I just hope this ends well…)

…

It’s honestly hard. I hate this. I just try my best to cover up the hate with things I love, and now, I can’t even deny it! The hate isn’t hate alone.. the hate is AWARENESS. ABLEIST AWARENESS, That’s so (im)perfectly hidden behind these fanon lies to make sure that it doesn’t pop out as much, and it did work.. for me at least.. but now the truth can’t hide.

Spread awareness. Share the truth. And.. maybe we can all figure this out together.

At least, this is what I hope to see.

Will I get hate? Probably.  Am I overreacting again because I certainly love doing that? Probably..

Will I give a fuck about it? …probably.. but that doesn’t matter.

All I care to show is the truth. Whether you hate or love ii, whether you think I’m ridiculous or saying the truth.

Well. I think I’ve said enough, and if you don’t know why ii is ableist, (#ii neg) has all the answers you need..

(also tw for curse words, harsh words and hate towards a lot of things, so really be careful there. It really affected me badly when I read most of the stuff in that tag so if ur sensitive please read at your own risk.)

I guess it’s time for the poll.. maybe that’s what you came for, not sure, but do as you wish. Harsh your truth may be but I just wanted to hear it. 

*id appreciate this if you reblogged <3 /nf, and if ur worried abt me, I’ll be fine dw!*

#ii neg #ii #inanimate insanity #cabby #cabby ii #fictkin #fictionkin #fictionkins #otherkin #otherkinity #alterhumanity #kin #kintype #rant #vent #Poll #reblog

[madamebaggio]

Notes: Previously...

It's short, but it's here. I'm still working on the last chapter of "Those Stark boys", but I've decided I could post something to encourage myself ;)

***

Chapter 3

Was it strange that Sansa’s first desire upon hearing her husband’s voice was to bash his head in?

As soon as he opened that ridiculous smirk and said ‘Hello, wife’, she wished she could just hit him with a blunt object. Multiple times.

“Husband.” She’d replied dryly, but her tone seemed to have no effect on him. He continued to grin like a simpleton. “I have some food for you.” She looked him up and down. “And a bath. You might want to start there.”

He chuckled, like she’d said something charming. “Whatever my wife wishes.” He decided. “So bath first.”

Sansa gave him a look full of suspicion. “I have clean clothes for you as well.”

“Clean clothes.” He sighed. “I have barely arrived and you are spoiling me already.”

Oh great. Her husband had gone mad during the war.

***

Sansa gave Arthur a wide berth after he went to have his bath. She sent other people to help him, then sent him food, then pretended she had more things to do before finally going up to their chambers.

She found him sitting on the bed, clean, with his hair cut and beard in better conditions.

Sansa hadn’t really thought about it before, but her husband was somewhat handsome, if one liked the type.

“Oh, there you are.” He grinned at her. “Thank you for the clothes and the food.”

She just nodded at him.

His grin lost a bit of its strength, but he didn’t give up. “It has been a while, Sansa.”

She held in a scoff. “You could say that.” She looked around. “Should I undress now?”

That managed to shock him, and she almost grinned at his stupid face. “I beg… What?”

“Should I undress?” She repeated. “Do you want to bed me tonight?”

***

Well, that was romantic.

Then again, he probably deserved that.

“No.” He said carefully. “I am quite tired.” Should he say ‘thank you for offering’?

The relief in her face was a punch to the gut. Honestly, she couldn’t have made it any clearer that the idea of sleeping with him was unappealing to her.

He had to give it to her… That was probably his fault.

He’d made a mess of their wedding night, and he felt shame just remembering about it. He could only imagine what she felt when she thought about it.

Arthur really needed to do something about that. He didn’t want his wife to dread every time he touched her.

“We do not know each other well, Sansa.” He told her simply. “I wish we could fix that. Especially because you are stuck with me, so…” He gave her what he hoped was a charming smile.

She narrowed her eyes, as if she wasn’t sure she could trust him all that much. “Of course.”

“I rode the whole day to get here, and I am tired. So why don’t we sleep early today, and tomorrow we start this again?” He suggested. “You can tell me how is Londinium, and we can figure out how things will be going forward.” He cleared his throat. “What do you think?”

Bedivere would be so proud if he could see him being diplomatic.

“That sounds agreeable.” Sansa finally nodded.

“Excellent.” He said, happy to end this conversation.

Oh Gods… This was going to be hard.

**

Arthur might not be the brightest man out there, but he always thought he was reasonably smart.

He was starting to reconsider that notion,

Had his wife always been that pretty?

When he woke up that morning, Sansa was still asleep next to him. It was the first time he’d taken a moment to properly look at her.

And wasn’t that a travesty?

He’d been married to this woman for three years, and never before he’d noticed what he had that morning. The curve of her lips, the lines of her face, the lovileness of her skin.

He did know she was somewhat pretty, but it’d never occurred ot him how pretty until that morning.

And she hated him.

Which brought him to the person he was looking for that morning.

“Arthur!” Kay hugged him, smiling beautifully. “I heard you arrived yesterday. I am so happy to see you.”

“Yes, me too and all…” He ignored her snort. “I really need help.”

She smirked. “Let me guess. The wife is not happy.”

“She isn’t. How fucked am I?”

“Oh darling… Very fucked indeed.”

Great. Just what he needed.

#madame baggio #crackship #crossover #gifs not mine #crossover pairings #au #posted on ao3 #game of thrones #sansa stark #king arthur: legend of the sword #arthur pendragon #sansa x arthur #lady of all she touches

[brenninthetaylorverse]

I know most of you probably forgot about it but I haven't and I want to keep my promises so guess what! I'm bearing my soul to you people and today I'll finally be giving all the details of my album, melodramatic.

@dandelions-fly-in-summer-skies I'm gonna @ you in some more of my music like new songs because this is not my best work lol

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

album cover:

*the original image isn't mine, I literally got it off the internet and I never plan on releasing this, making an album cover and all of this is for fun*

tracklist:

1. the movement

2. crying in my bed at 3 am on a rainy tuesday

3. gospel

4. places i’ve seen before

5. people lie.

6. take another breath

7. long pause

8. my dreams aren’t real but my demons are

9. honey take your meds

10. is my family ashamed of me?

11. drama queen

the three songs (I had a few that has the same number so I get to choose on those lol PLEASE DO NOT JUDGE MY WRITING)

1. my dreams aren't real but my demons are

Sitting in my room on a regular day, wasting my life away. I think blue light is seeping into my brain. I don’t do anything anymore. I don’t even see my friends. And my room is dirty, I wish my Mom was here to bug me to clean it. And he said “You’ll be fine on your own.” Oh, but he was so wrong. 

My dreams aren’t real. Sitting here wishing I had some kinda physical appeal, even looking in the mirror hurts. What can you do when you're stuck in a body that doesn’t even love you? How did the brain name itself and why is the brain so mean? And why is there a man dressed in all black outside my window, but only on Thursday nights? Because my dreams aren’t real, but my demons are. Getting into college, becoming famous, that’ll never happen but I can count on my sleep paralysis demon to be there when I need him. And it’s so sad because I’ve never hated myself more than I do now and they don’t care.

I can’t help but mope around, waiting for some big circus to roll into town. Maybe then I wouldn’t be the only clown. I get up on big stages, hoping every time will be different, but instead I get booed off. I’m not proud of my past and I hope this version of me doesn’t last. They say all I do is sing about the negative but what do they want me to do? Sing about rainbows and unicorns? I never will because I sing about what I feel.

Cause man, my dreams aren’t real. I can wish all I want for a big fancy house but come on, that’ll never happen. Cleverly hidden lyrics on the back of a cereal box. Whenever I’m at the doctor's office for the 7th time this month, all I do is stare at the clocks. I take 20 medicines a day and nothing can keep my demons away.

2. is my family ashamed of me (I am not suicidal I just want to preface)

They used to call me the good kid. They said to make sure I remember them when I get famous. They wanted some of my success. They wanted me to be somebody. And I can’t imagine dying without being famous. I want people other than my hometown to know my name. I want to be someone. Make a name. Get out of this town. And yet I’d be leaving behind everything I’ve ever known, till eventually I drown. In other words, in the fight for the crown. I’d come back and leave, do it all again and still not know where I want to be. 36, a crazy woman with a broken dream. Do I want that to describe me? 

What happens when you give all the time and never get anything back? Do you run out of gifts? Of things to give? All the birthdays, all the christmases. All the lost time yet I was there. Do they hear the whispers about me? The grocery store, the gas station, in the eyes of the people who saw me grow up. I was gonna do great things but sitting here, I got one question. Is my family ashamed of me?

Would all the problems be fixed if I wasn’t born. If I never existed. Would they be happier, nicer, richer? What would it be? Give me a genie and I’ll waste my wishes and give me all the money in the world and I’ll be gone. Is my family ashamed of me? And it’s not my fault, I’ve been thinking ‘bout death. Can’t help but question this whole big thing, said no when you proposed with your dollar tree ring. I can never ask for help, I’m embarrassed when I see someone I know in public. And I hate driving slow, but I love having somewhere to go.

3. drama queen (this song has a few taylor references, whoever can point them all out gets a cookie)

I wish that you could go and unsay all those things you said that day. I wish I could undo all my actions and the reckless driving I did on the way. I know I’m partly to blame, I know that you always curse when you say my name. I think I know everything, but I’m just a dumb teenage girl trying to make her way. Do you think when I showed up to your party that was when I ruined everything? Do you think that my Mom is too pushy and she needs to stay in her lane? And why did you run away when I said those three words? All you had to do was stay. 

I know you say I’m a drama queen. I know you say I think I know everything. But I thought you cared. I thought you liked it when I did that dare. I thought you were gonna comfort me when I cried, but you left me. If I died, would you attend my wake? Would you care if I threw it all away for the sake of our relationship? What if your future was in the bend, would you leave me then? Are you waiting for the moment to strike when it hurts the worst then leave my life speeding, while I’m forced to slowly follow the hearse? 

I convinced myself that you were a brick wall and I was the sledgehammer. Breaking you down and fixing you back up but like usual, I was wrong. You are my David, I am Michelangelo. You wanted the world and I wanted you, we are not equal. I wanted you so bad that suddenly, I didn’t want you at all. What happens when you’ve been fighting for years but suddenly you lose sight of what you’re fighting for? 

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so that's that. also I put most of my lyrics in paragraphs so if you don't read it all, I don't mind lol. enjoy my friends.

#music #new music #musician #songs #music lyrics #fyp tumblr #lyrics #album #songwriting #song lyrics #fypage

[jencsi]

1-25 for Finn because you deserve to gush about your favourite. Take as long as you want, or if you don't wanna do all of them then just answer the ones you want to.

*Disclaimer*- I had an absolute blast doing this and yes I know I could have written about all of these without waiting for someone else to ask, but it's much more fun and motivating when someone else thinks of you. :) So thank you. This is a long one. But so worth it.

1. Why do you like or dislike this character?- I like Finn because she reminds me of myself in some ways but in other ways she is the person I wish I could be/the friend I wish I had. She tries to be the best version of herself everyday, even when she might fail. She pushes through even when things do fail because what can you do? She is stronger than me, tougher than me, smarter than me, things I wish I was. She forces herself into the world and makes people pay attention to her but I feel like I am always picked last or not picked at all. She emulates so many qualities that get her into trouble but somehow it all works out for the best. I give up much too easily on things when they don’t go my way. She knows she deserves to be respected and treated where often times I just take BS from people and let it consume me instead of fighting for what I want. She forces others to deal with her instead of being silent. She makes sure she is heard. She also was a good friend to Sara and Morgan and helped Sara grow as a person and be separate from Grissom because Sara is a separate person who deserves happiness even if it wasn’t with him and Finn sort of showed her that its okay to want love but want what you deserve and not wait around for someone else to make the decision. I dislike her because sometimes there were moments where she probably shouldn’t have kept pushing and maybe held her tongue and just let things go but she didn’t and it's more of a second hand embarrassment feeling when she pushes to far but that’s really the only dislike I have for her. 

2. Favorite canon thing about this character?- Desk sitting. Getting into trouble. Getting Russell angry with her only to have him actually care deeply for her. The Jules nickname she hates allegedly but lets him call her that anyways. Sports. Violence. Blood spatter. Having multiple love interests in just a few short seasons. 

3. Least favorite canon thing about this character?- um dying? Lol yeah we know what the OG script said but the final nail in the coffin literally and metaphorically is that she died. 

4. If you could put this character in any other media, be it a book, a movie, anything, what would you put them in?- I think it would be neat to see Finn in a Harry Potter type setting. Mostly because I grew up reading those books and low key she’d make an excellent Ravenclaw or Slytherin. I would also like to see her in the Kinsey Millhone series which was written by Sue Grafton and was a private detective novel series featuring titles like A is for Alibi, B is for Burglar, etc. Kinsey was a great character and since the author died, she made it a legality so none of her work can be made into movies or series but it would be cool to see Finn in that world and the world of Temperance Brennan (book version) by Kathy Reichs. 

5. What's the first song that comes to mind when you think about them?- Brighter Than The Sun by Colbie Caillat because I heard this song on the radio shortly after Finn’s first episode aired and then the team baseball episode aired and I felt that she just radiated during those scenes and it just stuck. I have an entire Finn playlist but this one is the first one I had on there in 2012. 

6. What's something you have in common with this character?- we are both underdogs. CC- Under A Cloud. Finn was not everyone's favorite in the fan group and I understand that and relate to that personally. I’m never a first choice, I’m always left out of so many things, and I have very few positive life experiences because of this. The show didn’t really project these feelings about her onto me, but it was negative fandom experience over the course of 2012-2015. The experiences I have now with fandom are much better but those early moments will always resonate with me. So much unnecessary hate and disregard for no reason. 

7. What's something the fandom does when it comes to this character that you like?- Seeing as I am always shocked to find a fan who likes her, I guess the simplicity of someone saying “Hey Finn is/was cool” is something I like from the fandom. 

8. What's something the fandom does when it comes to this character that you despise?- *see number 6* Also, on a deeper level, hating Finn because she seemed too much like Catherine or came to replace her is odd when society is always screaming about how we should be lifting women up, putting them all on the same level, not pitting them against each other. You can’t share a quote to me about women supporting women then go and slander one female character just because she took a job opening that someone else just vacated. If we did that in real life, we wouldn’t have jobs. Things like that happen so much in workplace settings. Catherine wanted out. Finn wanted in. It’s a simple thing but got blown way out of proportion by some in the fandom. 

9. Could you be roommates with this character?- unfortunately no. I am too rigid in my routine and organizing and Finn is pure chaos. She's loud. I’m quiet. I’m up early, she's a late sleeper. Just polar opposites. 

10. Could you be best friends with this character?- probably. I would love to have someone like this in my life, someone fun and bright and bubbly who would not forget about me or leave me out of group activities or forget I exist. 

11. Would you date this character?- Yes! She’s fun and silly and full of zest for life and has such a big heart and clearly wants to love and be loved. I would adore this in real life. 

12. What's a headcanon you have for this character?- that she didn’t die. Along with so many others- she originally wanted to be a doctor like her father, she's an only child, her first husband was a cop who was killed on the job and that spiraled her into pursuing police work, he was killed the same night he proposed to her so therefore she wasn’t officially married but she refers to him as a first husband, his case was never solved. She was adopted and raised by her uncle (biological moms brother) and aunt but doesn’t discover it until the Gig Harbor Killer reveals it. She always felt a stronger bond with her father growing up vs her mother and now this all makes sense to her but she never felt unloved. Both her adoptive family have passed on and she has to dig for clues and piece together her life. Her biological mother finds her and has been keeping tabs on her for 50 years but was terrified to reveal the secret since she was only 16 when she gave birth to her and why she gave Finn to her brother and his wife when she was a baby, they could raise her in a more stable environment. 

13. What's an emoji, an emoticon and/or any symbol that reminds you of this character or you think the character would use a lot?- heart eyes, hearts in general, the sun, sunflowers, stars, anything bright and flashy remind me of her. Things she would use alot- the silly face emojis, winking face ones, the sports ones. 

14. Assign a fashion aesthetic to this character.- I would say she is casual when she’s not working, jeans, t-shirts, hoodies, athletic wear. At work, business casual I suppose, she always had leather jackets and sleeveless shirts/blouses. Wish they would have had more opportunities for her to dress up and do undercover assignments and explore being different that way as well. 

15. What's your favorite ship for this character? (Doesn't matter if it's canon or not.)- Finn and Nick send me into another dimension. They both understood the job well, both could relate to each others pains, could fully support each other in a difficult time. I feel like Finn and her lightness would lift Nick out of his darkness (not that people are supposed to save each other in a relationship) but more of helping him be the best version of himself that he could be, not weighed down by his past, he could see her as a light at the end of the tunnel. He could help her relax a bit more and not be so wound up about cases and injustices. Not that she needed to be reeled in but he would give her a reason to stop and think of the consequences of her reckless actions if she had a reason to care about not getting hurt, maybe she would stop. 

16. What's your least favorite ship for this character?- I honestly can’t think of any. Finn gets along with everyone. She bonded well with Greg and had a good time teasing and poking fun at Hodges. 

17. What's a ship for this character you don't hate but it's not your favorite that you're fine with?- I guess Finn with all the random suitors they gave her. Like her Seattle ex Mike, I don’t hate it, but we knew it wasn’t going to be more than one episode's worth of backstory for her and him. Her thing with Shaw wasn’t great either seeing as he led to her death as well as his own but lowkey at least she had some romance before her demise. Moreno wasn’t awful but his partner was a dirty cop who beat the crap out of her in Karma To Burn so that would make things awkward. Finn is shippable with pretty much everyone. 

18. How about a relationship they have in canon with another character that you admire?- The dynamic she has with Russell is beautiful. Not even being over dramatic either, what they have is poetic, magic, understanding on a level so deep, respect, care, admiration, chaos. Something so profound and resonating that I can’t even describe it properly but also could write an entire essay on it just screaming about it. Is it love? Is it platonic friendship? Codependency? Mutual? None of these things and yet all of these things at the same time? Spiritual, soulful, stellar, when her lifeforce is drained so is his, when she hurts, he hurts, it's just so *chefs kiss* magnificent. 

19. How about a relationship they have in canon that you don't like?- Nothing that I can think of honestly. Finn didn’t get much of a chance to develop as a character before the show ended. She pretty much vibes well with everyone. 

20. Which other character is the ideal best friend for this character, the amount of screentime they share doesn't matter?- Finn seemed to have alot in common with Henry during season 12, teaching him baseball for the game, talking about fantasy novels, but she also connected well with Morgan and Sara. I think out of all of them, she needed a good girl best friend like Morgan. Morgan seemed more down with the fun and chaos Finn caused and they could laugh and be silly and make jokes and just hang out like normal friends and drink and sing karaoke and just go crazy. 

21. If you're a fic writer and have written for this character, what's your favorite thing to do when you're writing for this character? What's something you don't like?- my favorite thing to do for fics for Finn is let her be loved. Soft affections and comforts and just giving her as much love as I can pour into a fic is my main goal. I do like getting her into trouble and the subsequent “talking to” she gets from Russell. I can’t think of anything I don’t like in writing for her besides not having ideas, going through a dry spell of having zero ideas for her, that’s torture. 

22. If you're a fic reader, what's something you like in fics when it comes to this character? Something you don't like?- I love when people post fics about Finn because they are hard to find in the fandom. I don’t think I have read a Finn fic by another author that I didn’t like. Anyone who makes an effort to expand on a character in a creative setting is top tier, there are no bad fics in my mind.  23. Favorite picture of this character?- Oh man, just one? This is tough. Quite literally any screen shot from her first episode will do.

24. What other character from another fandom of yours that reminds you of them?- Ellie Bishop from NCIS sat on desks for a while and had a very spunky personality. Chris Connor from Becker (also stars Ted Danson) had a similar positive optimistic attitude as Finn (plus curls for days) and her scenes with Becker remind me so much of Russell and Finn but in a late 90’s-early 2000’s comedy setting, it's hilarious if anyone stumbles upon it. 

25. What was your first impression of this character? How about now?- First impression was shock because I was going into the rest of season 12 knowing Catherines loss would be prevalent and I wasn’t sure what Finn would be like. First episode with Finn had me hooked. The energy she brought, the playful banter, the anger issues, the back story with Russell, just all of it grabbed me and sucked me in and I felt this strong emotional pull to her after Seeing Red. She even walked with a spring in her step and there was something about that little quirk in just one episode that drew me in to wanting to see more and know more. And as a byproduct of that, I absolutely adore Elisabeth Shue. She made Finn so real and brought so many layers to her. Everything I’ve said about Finn in these 25 questions come from Elisabeth bringing her to life. I would have none of that if anyone else had been cast to be part of the show at that exact moment. Like how lucky did I get? Thank goodness she said yes to it or the casting people picked her or however the process went down. I can’t imagine anyone else as Julie Finlay. I will always carry this character with me (as I have since 2012) as like a little sidekick, a little voice that tells me I can do something, I’ll make it, I’ll keep going for some crazy unknown reason. Finn was Russell’s voice inside his head that guided him that he became dependent on overtime and she’s mine too.

26. FREEBIE QUESTION!!- What hopes did you have for this character?- Back in 2015 when Finn’s fate was left in limbo, of course I was hopeful for her survival. As time went on and the show was officially canceled, I was still left in limbo wondering how they would handle the coma. Then they announced a 2 hour movie, okay no big deal. Then it was announced that Elisabeth wouldn’t be joining that finale movie and I was devastated. Looking back on that time, I think I gained a better understanding as to why. The obvious answer would be, she was busy and couldn’t fulfill the time needed to film any potential Finn scenes. Or the decision to kill Finn was made and she didn’t want to be part of that so she dipped out, fair enough. But I hoped with all my heart and soul that her character would survive and not be tossed aside and forgotten like garbage. Oh it’s just Finn, who cares as long as we get Grissom and Sara and Catherine etc. The disregard hurt as a long time fan of the show, I was torn between being excited for certain things but gutted because, no Finn. Overall I just hoped for respect for her, dignity, a decent conclusion to her story because it mattered too. And once again I found myself feeling as if I didn’t matter because if Finn didn’t matter, then how could I ever expect anyone to think I mattered? That sinking underdog kicked in the gut feeling was too visceral and I don’t think I will ever accept what we got in the end for Finn. She deserved the love she gave, it was greater than most realized.

#thank you so much for asking this #this made my day #Julie finlay #long post #ask games #csi cbs #csi crime scene investigation