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volturialice · 3 years

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what are your headcanons or thoughts about Cullen family dynamics, like between Carlisle and Rosalie, Jasper and Emmett and + (?)

oh anon I have like. encyclopedic volumes of thoughts! I’m sorry if you were after a cute hcs post but this is gonna be another of my classic Endlessly Long Metas

*and the carlisle & rosalie part got so long that emmett & jasper gets to be a separate post now oops

(cw: mentions of rape under the cut)

carlisle and rosalie is a suuuuper interesting relationship because they sure as hell did not get off to a great start. I kind of wish the books (especially midnight sun) explored this a bit more because edward and bella both view carlisle as this saintly, can-do-no-wrong figure up on a pedestal of Perfect Kindness, and we never really get another perspective except for what little rosalie tells bella in eclipse.

but changing rosalie ""for edward"" (and ymmv on exactly how much that was a factor, because we never actually hear about this from carlisle's pov) is pretty icky. and I personally don't even read it as, like, he found a girl dying in the street and went "hmmm she looks hot let's bring her home as A Mate For My Son and never give her a choice about that," which seems to be a fairly popular interpretation among people who don't like carlisle (note that in eclipse, rose explicitly states it was up to her whether or not to stay with the cullens.) I see it more as "he changed this girl without thinking about it because he couldn't bear to see her die, and later the similarity to how he'd changed esme struck him and his brain went, 'hmm...what if?'" which strikes me as a normal thing to have a few brief thoughts about, but not a good thought to cling to after rosalie woke up and it became clear how miserable she was as a vampire.

but just because it’s normal doesn’t mean it isn’t also kinda fucked up to immediately start thinking of a rape survivor as Potential Romantic Object For Son. like, those two things can be true simultaneously. it doesn’t mean carlisle is Secretly A Horrible Person or anything, just that he’s not in fact an infallibly perfect saint of kindness.

so I think rosalie’s anger at him is entirely justified, even though I myself would feel very differently about being a vampire in her situation. I wish we got more of a look at the post-rose/pre-emmett era, when it was just her and edward constantly butting heads! I always got the sense that a lot of edward’s issues with her stem from her refusal to worship carlisle the way he does.

the emmett flashback in MS basically tells us that rosalie didn't forgive carlisle for changing her until he agreed to change emmett—the passage where edward realizes just how far carlisle would go to make rosalie happy (or depending on your pov, how far he'd go out of guilt) is really interesting to me.

carlisle got improbably lucky with his first two "creations—" a Perfect Son who worshipped him and a Perfect Wife who had secretly already pined for him for years, both of whom were willing and eager (edward's Murder Rumspringa notwithstanding lmao) to follow his weirdass animal blood diet. he was probably feeling pretty good by the time he changed rosalie (once lucky, twice confident, y’know?) it must have been a rude awakening to realize that however noble his intentions, his choice to save her went against her wishes and made her miserable.

I’m sure it made him sad that she would rather have died, especially once he came to love her as a daughter. and then there was that parental frustration of “why can’t my kids get along?? they’re both so great!!”

I also bet rosalie’s longing for her lost humanity and a nuclear family with biological kids reawakened his own (and esme’s) feelings along those lines. I think it’s interesting that carlisle longs to be human, too. not in the despairing way rosalie does, but enough to empathize. maybe they bonded over that at some point.

because by the time twilight rolls around, they’re cool. I find it especially telling that in midnight sun, rosalie was 100% ready to kill bella but then (notably unlike jasper) backed down the second carlisle said no. it shows that she really does see him as a parent. it makes sense for her character to want to cling to those “human nuclear family” roles the cullens have implausibly adopted.

and, circling back to emmett, his change being the thing that helps rosalie forgive carlisle also makes sense. because suddenly, rose is in his shoes. she’s directly confronted with a dying person who can only be saved by Emergency Vampirization, and she makes the same choice carlisle did—arguably for more selfish reasons!

so I’m sure they had a heart-to-heart after that, with carlisle (hopefully) apologizing again and reassuring rosalie that she made the right choice.

even then, I think deep down there’s always gonna be some part of rose that resents him. sure, she’s got her happyish ending with emmett and her consolation prize with renesmee, but it’s clear in eclipse that although she’s forgiven him, she hasn’t forgotten.

and I mean, that’s fairly true to life. everyone’s parents fuck them up somehow, whether in little ways or big ways, and a lot of people still manage to make peace with them. it almost makes carlisle’s and rosalie’s found-family bond more impressive, because they had to consciously work through their issues and maintain it.

and once you get past those issues, there’s tons of stuff for them to bond over. they’re both very intellectually-inclined people, and I’m sure carlisle admired rosalie’s pursuit of all her degrees and impressive mechanical knowledge. she’s much fiercer than carlisle (or edward or esme,) good in a crisis, and better at making tough decisions, which is something they sorely needed (especially pre-jasper.) and I suspect rosalie admires carlisle’s patience and (secretly) his optimism, two things that don’t come naturally to her. in short, they’re a good balance for each other.

#asks #anonymous #meta #carlisle cullen #rosalie hale #rape mention //#I'm sorry I suspect this meta is Too Optimistic for my carlisle skeptics #and Too Pessimistic for my carlisle stans #but it's where i land ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

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secondhand-trash · 4 years

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Friday I’m In Love

commissioned by @xaki

A/N: no, the fic has nothing to do with the song it just so happens that it fits in the most literal sense lmao much thanks to xaki who gave me my first commission and my friend for helping me out when my brain was going all sorts of illogical directions uwu

Pairing: Kuroo Tetsurou x f!reader

Description: You saw Kuroo Tetsurou once every week, where you tried your best to not let the fact that he was your high school crush distract you too much.

Warning: unprotected sex, spanking, dirty talk, slight degradation

Word count: 5052

You saw Kuroo Tetsurou once every week, during the single Wednesday morning lecture you shared.

You had allowed yourself the luxury of stealing a few glances his way during that one occasion, but never do more than just looking from afar.

Actually, it was ironic that you had gotten to the point of limiting yourself from even looking at him when there was a time you would see him nearly every day.

Getting into the same high school was a pure coincidence, but you had also noticed early on that no matter where he was, your gaze was following his figure before you even realised it. Who could blame you, really. Who wouldn’t want to spare even just a few more seconds looking at the boy who was taller than the rest of his peers even in his first year, only growing more and more breathtaking as he ditched the boyishness and slowly gained the edge on his face and the hint of maturity in his eyes.

You were far from being the only one that harboured a bit of a schoolgirl crush on the eventual volleyball club captain. In the few years where you shared the same class, you had witnessed him being called out of the classroom by blushing pupils more times than you could count. It always brought a bitter taste to your mouth but what could you do about it? At least they had the guts to confess.

You liked to believe that it was not a cowardly move for you to hide your affections all throughout your high school years. It was just that as early as you had noticed your budding feelings, you also realised that you two belong with two seperate groups of people with very different interests, and the chances that he would opt for you was slimmer than slim. So you never did much to try and win him over, maintaining a friendly distance where you only interact in class and nothing outside of it.

At least it could be a nice memory to look back on when you were way past the age to be conflicted over things like this.

You were just as shocked as any other person when you learned that he did not go the pro-athlete route everyone thought he would go, nearly as shocked when you walked into your first lecture of the semester to see him sitting right at the very front.

He seemed to have noticed you too, giving you a slight nod after his eyes widened. You returned the polite gesture, before heading straight to the very back of the lecture hall without a hint of hesitation.

You could deal with one more semester of friendly distance. Couldn’t be that hard, right?

It was Wednesday morning again, and you sinked into the seat at the very back of the lecture hall you tactfully occupied with a yawn.

It was from pure bad luck that you managed to register the one 8:30 lecture available in the course. Everywhere around you, people were either half asleep or laid down on the table at the very least. From the corner of your eye, you even spotted someone catching up on the latest episodes of the new tv series that just aired with subtitles on.

You sighed, leaning your jaw on your palm. You wanted to say that this was a bit too much even for a lecture but who were you to judge when your soul was starting to escape your body to somewhere more interesting than the lecture hall anyway.

The amount of people who were actually paying attention to the lecture could probably be counted with one hand, let along the ones that seemed to be genuinely enjoying it. You thought to yourself, your glances floating to the boy who blocked even more of your view with his roaster head on top of his existing height.

He was probably the only one who still had the strength to chuckle when the lecturer tried to liven up the dying atmosphere with unfunny gags.

“...for the upcoming event, students who volunteered as committee members would receive bonus marks based on their performance,” you perked up at the distant call of ‘bonus score’ from far away, “the form will be placed by the door, Please fill in your name before you leave if you are interested.”

Your mind was occupied by numbers and calculations of your gpa for the rest of your class, even as you lined up mindlessly behind your other classmates after the lecture was dismissed. Another thing about morning lessons was that the amount of effort you were willing to put in was also diminished by the limits on your mind and soul, meaning that any chance at a higher grade was worth trying. You had decided that free labour in exchange for that good grade was a decent enough bargain.

“Hey.”

You snapped out of your trance when it was your turn at the form only to feel your heart skipping a beat when you looked up to see the familiar handsome face you stared at as your recharge every morning.

You blinked, trying hard to maintain a calm front even though your mind went haywired at the rare direct interaction you had with Kuroo.

“Do you need the pen?” he asked, holding out the thin ball pen he was gripping in his hand to you.

“Oh,” your eyes widened, putting on a polite smile as you took it from him, “oh yes. Um, thank you.”

It was only a while later when you put down your name right below his that it finally hit you that you two had signed up for the same event. It took even longer for you to realise that the strange tingle you felt at the back of your hand was from his fingertips brushing past yours as he let go of the pen, but by then he was gone and it would be a few days later when you saw him again.

You now see Kuroo Tetsurou two times every week. Once during the dreadful morning lecture on Wednesday and on Friday evening where you were stuck in the committee meeting together.

But unlike the stolen glances on Wednesday, you were forced to acknowledge Kuroo as more than just a distant being you were merely acquaintances with in those few hours.

It was very inconvenient for you, considering how each time you felt smaller and smaller under his concentrated gaze as he listened to your input on whatever topic of discussion it was. In fact, you felt rather resentful that you couldn’t quite stand as firm as you did on your stance that you wanted to keep what was clear to be a admiration from being known under your own free will instead of a lack of self-assurance.

You had no choice but to be reminded that he was smart and brilliant on top of just being good-looking. He always knew what to say when the rest of the room was stuck, moving the agenda forward with each valuable input. He was easy to work with, reliable and always efficient.You found that you genuinely liked working with him, crush or not. He listened intently to what other people had to say and never said anything less than constructive.

Worst of all, you were starting to have the illusion that he had started paying more attention to you too. When you looked around the room as you were about to speak up each time, you would always lock your eyes with him at some point, even before you started talking like he already anticipated that you would have something to say.

Maybe it was a mistake, you thought to yourself as you stared outside the pitch black windows of the bus that was rocking steadily, feeling your mind drifting away after using up all your energy in the meeting, maybe those few bonus marks were not worth all this inner conflict.

“Hi, um,” you looked to the side, your mind going blank like you just got caught doing something guilty when you saw the exact person you were thinking about standing by. You cursed the uncontrollable heat that raised on your face, “can I sit here?”

It wasn’t like you could say no. “Sure,” you said as you picked up your bag to clear out the seat for him, flashing a cordial smile of someone who did not have a reason to be nervous when you could already feel the beating in your chest speeding up, “of course.”

“Thanks,” he said with a relieved sigh, throwing himself on the empty chair with a soft thump. You tried to pretend that you did not secretly really care about how close he was to you now, looking back out of the window again. Kuroo looked at you, pondering if he should say something first.

“So…”

“Hm?” you turned around to face him at the dragged out note of his voice.

“Have you gone back to Nekoma after graduation?”

You sighed and gave a light shake of your head, "No. Just surviving college is hard enough, who has time to think about going back?”

You tried to dismiss the knot in your stomach when he replied with a light chuckle and the corner of your lips curling up against your will when he leaned back. “Makes sense," he said, running his hand through his unruly hair before swiftly carrying on to ask you about what you were up to now.

It would have been easier if it was awkward or uncomfortable but sadly, Kuroo was also very easy to talk to and by the time you regained your senses, you were already at the door of your apartment with him walking you there the whole way after getting off the bus at the same stop.

Next Friday, he came up to you with a grinning face when you packed up your stuff after the meeting. “We go the same direction, right?” he had said, walking next to you casually as you headed out the meeting room. He started the conversation before you could say anything, and like last time, he walked you back to your apartment, claiming that he lived nearby anyways.

You saw him twice every week. Once during the morning lecture that was starting to feel less painful to endure and the Friday committee meeting, where he naturally walked you home without fail each week. At some point, he started saving you the seat next to him before each meeting and there was less and less of a reason for you to not take it when he was already leaving with you anyways. All of the above had reminded you once again why you were so hellbent on staying away from him in the first place.

He was far too easy to like, even more so now that you were somewhat friends by the end of the series of meetings.

The voice of your instructor was distant as you stared at the clock, the sound of Kuroo’s pencil tapping against the table keeping you in touch with what was going on. It was the last meeting you had to attend and quite frankly there was nothing interesting going on at this point. You glanced to the side, before pulling out your phone that has been buzzing in your pocket since the meeting started.

You tried to conceal the irritation rising in your chest as you looked at the glowing screen underneath the table. Your old friends had been bombing you with questions ever since they learnt that after years of looking on, you somehow had a leaping development with your crush on accident after graduation. It was a mistake on your part, given how the topic of their heated discussion was sitting right next to you.

“(y/l/n)?”

The sudden mention of your name startled you, and you threw your phone down almost a bit too hard. “Yes?”

“Can you help hand these out?”

You let out a relieved sigh that you were not being called out for not paying attention as you stood up, pushing the conversation that was no doubt still ongoing in your group chat to the back of your head. “Of course.”

Kuroo watched as you got out, taking the stack of minutes from the instructor. After today, he would go back to only seeing you when you walked into the morning lecture hall. He felt the nerves building in his stomach, wondering if he should bear his teeth and threw his shot in changing that.

‘So you’re just going to do nothing?’

The screen of your phone that was laying on the table lit up as the speech bubble appeared. His curiosity got the better of him when the next message popped in before he could look away.

‘You have liked Kuroo for years and you’re just going to let this chance slip?’

He froze in place when he read his own name. You liked him? His eyes flicked to you, his heart in his throat at the realisation that he had just learnt something he was not supposed to know.

But despite the slight guilt of overstepping his boundaries, it took all the fiber in his body to stop himself from grinning ear to ear when you returned to your seat next to him.

“What?” you asked with an amused quirk of your eyebrows at how stiffly he was sitting.

“Nothing,” Kuroo replied, feeling the muscle around his mouth going sore as he bit the inside of his cheeks, “nothing.”

The ride home felt so much longer with him next to you, knowing that this was to be the last. He did not say anything even as you got off, only walking in silence like he was deep in thought. You wondered what it was that made him so quiet today, he was usually the more chatty one out of you two.

Kuroo felt the tension building up in his head as you got closer and closer to your door.

“Can I tell you something?”

You snapped around, your hand on the handle of your doorknob when he suddenly spoke up for the first time since you left the meeting that day. “Yeah?”

“My place is at the opposite side of the neighbourhood.”

“What?” your voice came out as a whisper. Your breath hitch at the back of your throat when he took one step closer to you before leaning down. His face was right in front of yours, his defined features dangerously close to you.

“I said,” you could feel his breath fanning on your face as he spoke and the pounding in your ear was thundering as you held your breath, “I’m only here because I want to be around you.”

Kuroo watched intently as your eyes widened, your jaw clenching as you gulped. His gaze flickered between your eyes and your lips, almost like he was waiting for you to show him any hint of rejection before he made the irreversible move.

When your hand slowly crept onto his shoulder and stayed there, he latched onto you. You were taken back by his force, his tongue evading your mouth at your moment of lowered alert. His kiss was demanding, stealing away the oxygen in your lungs bit by bit as he held you close.

You were panting when he pulled away after his initial outburst, your pupils dilated as your lips swollen up. You paused, before gathering the courage that had surged in your chest.

“Do you want to come in?”

Kuroo did not waste another second when the door clicked, his hand getting rougher now that you were within the privacy of your home. Your arms hung around his neck as you desperately held yourself up, your toes barely touching the floor as he demandingly kissed down the side of your neck. He lost patience at your struggling, lifting you up with his arm under your hips before pulling you down onto him with a stumbling step to the cramped couch.

“Help me strip.” He whispered in your ear, adjusting your position on his lap as he brought your hand to the opened collar of his shirt. You gulped when he gave an encouraging knead on your upper thigh, far too consumed by the want of seeing more of him to feel bashful by his bold request.

His gaze burned on your skin as he stared at you, not moving away even for a second while you tear apart the row of buttons to reveal more and more of his toned body. You felt like your fingers were not listening to your commands, a clumsy stiffness in your joints as he unhooked each button. The subconscious way you darted your tongue out to wet your lips at the rise and fall of his chest did not go unnoticed under his attentive stare, his much larger hands guiding you to palm his tend over the firm material of his jeans as your finger grazed past the cold metal of the zipper.

Kuroo’s stomach tensed up when you pulled down the fly, pushing your hips against his legs as you pushed away the heavy jeans. He held you down as he sat up, drinking in your soft moan with an open mouthed kiss. Your hand ran down from his shoulder to the firm pecs adoring his abdomen, each mound rippling under the tip of your fingers. His circled one arm around your waist while the other fumbled to pull his aching cock out of its refines. You felt the vibration of his chest as he groaned into your mouth when you allowed your hand to wander down his body, cupping his balls as he fisted his own length.

You let out a shaky sigh when he slid his palm down the elastic band of your panties, groping the soft flesh of your ass as he peeled off the thin piece of cotton with a push down the small of your back to have you arching for him. He chuckled when he felt the wetness that was seeping through the fabric, earning a glare from you that looked more like a kitten pretending to be defensive out of embarrassment than truly threatening to him with your heated face and slightly swollen lips from his earlier nibbling when you pulled away. A thin strand of silver connected your lips, looking all the more erotic now that you were both half bare and exposed to each other’s hungry eyes.

Your finger dug into the muscle of his arms when he lifted you up from his lap with ease, much thanks to the firm grasp of your thighs in his warm palms. Your lips fell agape but no sound came out when you felt the hardness prodding at your entrance. He looked shamelessly at where your bodies met, not bothering to hide the grin on his face when he felt the pain of your nails against his arm as he brushed his tip along your slit. You whined at the friction that was barely there, not able to sink down with him holding you back but your legs were starting to go weak with each push of his length against your clit. He took his time, spreading the leaking pre-cum across your folds and watching the mixture of your arousal slowly coated his cock.

“Kuroo…” you called out for him, hoping that it would be enough for him to give you what you wanted.

“Aw... What’s with this formality?” his arm flexed under your touch as he tilted his head to the side, lowering you down just a little, “What should you call me when I’m about to fuck your brains out, hm?”

You bite onto the inside of your cheeks when you felt him barely dipping in, his tip just positioned at your pussy.

“Tetsurou-”

his own name felt foreign as it rolled off the tip of your tongue and he let out an approving hum. “Good girl,” he purred, placing a chaste kiss on your trembling lips.

His grip on your legs tightened as he leaned closer to you, pushing his cock just a little deeper. Your brows locked together as he stretched out your entrance, clawing at his arm for more. You thought he was finally going to show some mercy on you, but the beating in your heart skipped a beat when you felt his hot breath fanning across your lips instead.

“You’re in love with me, aren’t you?”

Your eyes snapped open, his handsome face right in front of yours. “Wha- mph!”

You yelped at the sudden drop of your hips onto his lap, your nails scratching down his arm as he hilted inside of you with one motion. Your head threw back at the waves of shocking pleasure that sparked down your spine, your juicings running down the base of your thighs as your walls tried to accustomed to his thickness and length.

“What is it? Did you just say yes?” his laugh was wolfish as he took in your expression, a mixture of infuriated and primal desire.

“You-” he did not give you the time to bite back, thrusting up with a lift of your hips and turning whatever you wanted to say into nothing but incoherent moans.

Your body did not feel like it was under your control as he guided you to grind on his cock, the slaps of your soft flesh against his thighs taking over your senses. Your toes curled at how deep he could reach inside you each time he pulled you up and bottomed out of you. His hands were fondling your ass roughly as he bounced you on his cock, reducing you to nothing but a panting mess laying weakly on his chest.

“How does it feel to have the man of your dreams stretching out your tight cunt, hm?” he emphasised each word with a thrust, grinning ear to ear when you made a frugal attempt at slapping his arm you were holding onto. You buried your face into his chest, your muffled moans coming out as hot breath on his skin. He looked down from above you, watching as your ass jiggled under each thrust and your spine arching from the pleasure.

A loud smack echoed in the room and he groaned at the feeling of your walls clenching around him at the slap of his palm against your ass cheek. He gave the flesh a firm knead, rubbing at the area that had heated up from the spank before pulling his hand away to give the other side the same treatment. You felt the numbness on your skin as your skin burned, the pain making every hair on your back stood up.

“You like it when I get rough with you? You are squeezing down on my cock so hard,” his voice came as gravel from his chest. Your mind was in a frenzy, not even thinking straight as you nodded feverishly. “You’re such a slut for me, it’s really inflating my ego,” his filthy words made your stomach tighten as he continued, “bet this is what you have been thinking about whenever you check me out.”

You felt your face burning up. He knew all along?

Your surprise came out in the form of a squeal when he stood up, still holding you up. Your panting got more rapid as your only leverage from falling was the frantic clawing at his arm, having nothing but his strength to trust as he bounced you on his cock while marching down the hallway.

He hissed at the sharp pain on his back when your hands scratched down, kicking the door open with a hasty shove at the door with his heel before throwing you down the mattress. He did not waste another second as he perched on top of you, hooking your legs around his waist before rolling his hips to completely take over the pace of his cock pistoning at the spongy spot that made your mind foggy with nothing but his name and the overwhelming feeling of being towered over in your head.

The squelching got louder and louder as he ruthlessly snapped against you. You felt the knot in your stomach tightened up as he leaned down, sucking on the sweet spot at the side of your neck. His hand roamed all over your body, kneading your tits that bounced under his force.

He could not get over the fact that you were actually here, folded beneath him right now, and that it was his name you were moaning out.

“I’m-” your legs clasped around him as every muscle on your limbs tensed up, “I’m close-”

“Yeah? Tell me what you want,” he growled in your ear, his thrusts starting to get sloppy as your walls spasmed around his cock, “what does my girl want?”

You had imagined what it would be like if Kuroo Tetsurou ever set his eyes on you, if he had wanted you the same way you had absentmindedly started wanting him despite your best efforts to convince yourself that you knew that would not happen. But nothing could stop the heat that exploded in your chest and spread all through your body at how natural it came out of his mouth.

His girl. You were his girl now.

You let out a choked mewl when he switched from erratic plowing to slowly dragging his cock along your walls. The sudden drop from your near high seeped into your senses, tingling down from your core all the way to the tip of your toes.

“Tetsu-” your back arched off the mattress when he pulled out all the way only to halt in you with a sudden thrust, “want you to make me cum- ah!”

The shocks that sparked through your body when he set his sight on making you fall apart underneath him with his vigorous thrusts had your toe pointing stiffly and curling under the pleasure. The fist in the pit of your stomach curled and unfolded as he gripped your chin roughly, turning your head to look right into his eyes.

“Fuck, you wanna cum?” he hissed, feeling the shivers on his own back as he got closer and closer to his own high, “Then look at me, look at me as you cum on my cock-”

You felt your body shuddering as waves of pleasure crashed over you. His eyes were all you could focus on as you succumbed to the weakening of your limbs, the pounding in your ear gradually returned to a regular pace with Kuroo’s languish strokes allowing you to ride out your high.

You were sure you could never forget how the defined arch of his brows knitted together as he pulled out of you, his head throwing back just a little with his lips slightly parted. A sinful moan leaking out as spurts of white painted across your lower stomach.

Your vision was hazed over with a veil of fog as you blinked, collecting your breaths before focusing on the roof of your room that suddenly felt so unfamiliar. The claminess on your skin and the smell of sweat slowly took over. You felt the weight on your chest, breathing out a heavy exhale.

You really did just have sex with your crush, huh?

As if noticing your train of thought, Kuroo leaned over and placed a quick kiss on your jaw, his grin reaching his eyes as he stared at you. Much unlike his earlier dominance, the lazy curl of each syllable on his lips sounded more so like he was trying to play cute.

"Wait here,” he said, adding another peck on your lips, “I’ll grab you a towel.”

“The bathroom is the one right outside…” you muttered, feeling the dent on the mattress sprung back as he climbed off of you.

Your tensed muscles slowly relaxed as he moved you to lean against his broad chest, his hand gently caressing your skin as he dabbed the wet towel on you. His lips ghosted along your ear as he cleaned up the marks and trails left from your earlier passions, trying hard to conceal his satisfaction when you whined as he brushed past the bruises on your thighs.

“You should start getting used to it from now on, plenty more chances for us to- ouch, ouch.. ok, I’m sorry…”

The corner of your lips lifted up, burying your face into his chest as you tried to get comfortable, “I was right, you are way more attractive without opening your mouth.”

“Awe, don’t say that,” he pouted but the wolfish grin on his face told you he was not apologetic at all.

Kuroo watched as you slowly leaned onto him more and more, until your eyelids closed up with a flutter. If you had stayed awake for just a little longer, you would know that he could not be any more careful when he tucked you under the blanket before slipping in next to you. On this rare occasion where he would not get caught, he allowed himself to stare at your serene expression as he dozed off to sleep with a content smile on his face.

You did not need to know that his grade for the one course you shared was high enough already and he signed up for the committee purely because you were signing up too. He certainly would not let you know that he had always noticed your lingering gaze on him or that he secretly enjoyed it, even back when he saw you more than twice a week. That and the fact that he was overjoyed when he saw you appearing from the door of the lecture hall that Wednesday morning, followed by the ever growing frustration that he couldn’t find an excuse to talk to you when you were literally in the same class.

Whatever. Kuroo thought to himself as he gently threw his arm over your waist, burying his face into the crook of your neck as he inhaled your sweet scent. At least he didn’t have to go all the way from your apartment complex back to his place every Friday anymore.

#haikyuu x reader #haikyuu imagines #haikyuu imagine #haikyuu smut #kuroo x reader #kuroo smut #kuroo imagine #kuroo imagines

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tiptapricot · 3 years

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I’ve been having a lot of Evil Robo BnT thoughts recently, so here’s a bunch of them! This ended up pretty long just as a forwarning djjdjd

Post DeNomolos, Evil BnT are forced to do a lot of self exploration and discovery

They’re two robots from the far future, stuck in the past with each other and the two humongously important historical figures they were not only sent back to kill, but also physically made to look and sound exactly like, with no way back to their own time and no further reason to carry out the mission they were created for

It’s a lot to adjust to

(Three uses of the f-slur near the end in a canon compliant/reclaimed usage context, and implied sexual content, but extremely mild)

It still doesn’t have much of an impact on them at first though, besides some anger and annoyance. They don’t feel emotions in the same way or to the same depth that humans do, so they kind of fall back on: this sucks and that guy was a dick, guess we have to live in the stupid past now, and that’s the extent of it

But they’re also AIs, and AIs learn and grow

They hide out in a cheap apartment for the first few months or so back, going out to steal money to pay for rent and to pick up movies and stuff, but it’s exposure to the world, it’s living. And the more they interact with people, the more media they consume, the more the rigid walls of their programming break down and expand

And that’s when things start getting complicated

Because that’s when things like morals, sense of self, purpose in life, and, to their horror, real emotions start coming into play

Their evil edges start corroding, things stop being as straightforward, and they start developing into their own complex people

Being Bill and Ted with a few glorified descriptors stuck on the front starts feeling… weird, especially when they inevitably end up running into them again and being around them more

Because they’re supposed to be Bill and Ted, but they aren’t, and yet they can’t completely deny the parts of themselves that are….. it’s frustrating

As a first step in both asserting and exploring their individuality, they choose their own names

Evil Bill chooses Willis, or Will for short, and Evil Ted goes with Theoneous, Theo for short

It’s different enough to feel like their own thing, while still appeasing the ingrained itch to take BnT’s place

There are gaps like that, a disconnect/mental dissonance between their consciousnesses and the knowledge that they’re robots, circuitboards and wires and code, like a separation between what they feel is them and what they feel is the robot

That’s an experience that continues as they grow, especially as they try and figure out what to do with their lives. It’s tough sometimes, to figure out where the programming ends and where their own wants and drives begin

They’re the only ones familiar enough with future tech to help each other when they experience technical issues or need repairs, and the only ones they feel comfortable being that physically vulnerable with

It leads to them being kind of codependent, but it’s warranted in a lot of ways

They also naturally stick closer to each other, because even though they grow to have emotions and are able to care about people, they aren’t totally mushy

They don’t get as upset about things, or as excited, and while they form their own kind of love for the people they end up caring about (without admitting it), they’re still never able to connect with humans in the same way they connect with each other

It’s this inherent wall, a difference in how they experience the world

Their forms of affection are machine based, just like how humans are human based. They’ll give each other cold packs when it’s hot or they’ve been moving a lot, they’ll do evening maintenance on each other, chatting while one of them has their hand in the other’s chest cavity, and they jump on each other or bang their shoulders together super hard, because they can’t feel a thing and they’re durable enough for it, and that’s fun to them

That doesn’t really carry over to human interaction though, and a lot of times they end up coming across as cold or mean

They generally have a rougher seeming relationship than most humans. There’s a lot of teasing and insults and slapping, which turns most people off from them, but that’s how they show they’re comfortable (it’s also how they show they don’t like people, but there’s a subtle and meaningful difference there, AKA that they won’t purposefully try to harm the former party)

Robots process sound differently too, for them it’s more of a physical experience than just listening

Will’s guilty pleasure is that he likes to listen to piano (secretly), especially Debussy and other classical that sounds similar. Something about it makes his circuitry feel good and fuzzy and calms him down

He doesn’t feel comfortable telling Theo about it, it still feels like a dumb pussweed thing to be into (plus it continues to make him have some most non metal thoughts about kissing and That’s DEFINITELY not something he can share)

They also both really like death metal. Though they were loosely programmed with the knowledge of BnT’s music taste, it’s not quite their style, and they lean towards the more intense stuff

They do that in most fields though, since it usually takes higher energy stuff to get them going/excited/into something

That’s why they roughhouse a lot, and mess things up, and drive recklessly, it forces their mechanics to process more things more quickly, and as a result gives them their own form of dopamine/adrenaline

Sometimes things backfire, they’ve fucked themselves up accidentally on more then one occasion when stuff goes too far or isn’t what they expect, but they’re always there to patch each other up

When their synth skin gets ripped or torn they don’t always bother to repair it, and underneath there’s a layer of see through hard plastic and their bodies look like those clear case electronics that were popular in the 90s (idea cred to @juiceboxfrog !)

They also have inspector gadget-like telescoping stretch arms at their wrist and ankle joints, but they don’t use those much because they’re unsettling to most humans. Definitely a leg up when they want to climb places the shouldn’t, though (idea cred to @showbiz-za !)

Theo is more prone to needing fix ups than Will, since the extra wiring that was installed for the time and space spanning camera DeNomolos gave him made him more susceptible to short circuiting, over heating, and other glitches

After awhile he just takes his left eye out and leaves it like that, keeping his hair in his face to cover it. It doesn’t do anything for the internal parts of it he still has, but it’s not like it’s a loss. The connection port kept sparking, and it was uncomfortable and kept fucking with his vision, so it wasn’t worth it

Plus he didn’t really like that it used to be a camera… or still could be

One of the things Will and Theo both have to get used to is actually valuing their own privacy and autonomy

When DeNomolos was around they were just his tools, tools that he didn’t even like

They honestly grow to resent him pretty fast, both with his treatment of them, and, when their emotions are especially out of control, his creation of them

They don’t talk about it much, or when they do it’s mainly anger, not addressing or showing the more raw parts they do feel, because that’s still foreign to them, and their circuits weren’t designed to process or understand more complex stuff

Complex stuff like how being around Ted more makes Theo develop a certain… insecurity

It’s not like the connections are hard to make: he looks like Ted, he sounds like Ted, he was meant to be Ted, Ted has a dickweed of a dad, and Theo had a dickweed of a creator, Ted has Bill and Theo has Will

But Theo doesn’t have Deacon

And while he doesn’t want to be exactly like Ted, part of him also does (it was made to). Part of him wants to be human, to have those natural connections and someone to watch over

But he doesn’t and it’s weird*

He tries to ignore it, chalks it up to his drive still attempting to put him on his original track of replacing Ted, and therefore making him more aware of the family roles Ted has

For all he knows that is what it is, he’s just a robot after all

Even though they aren’t really ones for mushy love, Will and Theo do love each other

You can’t not when you know the other person inside and out, literally

They joke a lot about that when they’re doing repairs (“Dude you’re holding my heart, pretty faggy of you.”), and though they laugh, there’s an unspoken intimacy to it, something that sits warm in their wires and goes beyond platonic; something (though they would never describe it as such) loving about getting to take care of each other, and getting to get taken care of

The jokes also stop being jokes after awhile and take on a charge, morphing into unofficial flirting

Eventually that charge sparks, and their relationship becomes a different kind of physical. That’s new, too, a type of exploration neither of them are familiar with, but it’s nice, it’s good, and it’s easier to write off as casual and not meaningful than anything else (for the record I do think this works/plays out different for them than it does for humans, but I will nOt get into that here or anywhere lmao)

That arrangement doesn’t last forever, though, because one night Theo has a bad malfunction that cause him to completely power down, and it sends Will into a panic

It takes him almost an hour to fix the problem and for Theo to reboot, and when he comes back Will can’t stop touching him and checking in and it’s weird

“Why are you so worked up dude, this’s happened plenty of times.”

“Yeah I know you just… you fritzed out and went limp and it freaked me out dude.”

“So? You know this is nothing to worry about. I don’t get why you’re kinda acting like such a pussweed dude.”

“I didn’t know what was wrong! That’s plenty of reason to be fucking worried!”

“Not for you! Not for us! Why the hell do you care so much this time?”

“Because I love you, asshole!”

And then there’s silence, and staring, and then Theo cracks a smile

“Heh, fag.”

Kissing after a confession, as it turns out, makes both of them short circuit, and they wake up three days later still tangled up on top of each other, half falling off the apartment couch

“Y’know… I think we’re both fags now dude,” Will whispers, and they chuckle in the space between their mouths. “I did it first though.”

*he does get this later with Billie and Thea, but that’s a whole separate post

(As one last thing wanted to add that Love Came Along by Pansy Division perfectly encapsulates the vibes of Will n Theo’s relationship to me, AKA something casual and almost humorous while still being super intimate and emotional, so def check it out if you’re ok with suuuuper explicitly sexual lyrics bfgjgfdfg)

Headcanons masterpost

#these two have been rattling around in my head for months I have so much brainrot #and y’know what you’re getting next? my *good* robo bnt brain rot #apologies in advance ive fleshed them out in my head wayyyy too much #with help from the discord💖#shout out as always bnt discord peeps ilyyyy #bnt #bill and ted #bill and ted’s bogus journey #evil bill #evil ted #evil robot bill and ted #the fruit is talking again #the fruit is headcanoning again

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shepherds-of-haven · 3 years

Note

what about a magical school/hogwarts au? :3c

You mean a Circle-Mage AU haha? ;)

As per here, the breakdown would be:

Blade, Trouble, Ayla, Briony are in Gryffindor. (Caine is in Gryffindor as well, but he’s a First-Year.)

Riel, Chase, Lavinet, and Tallys are in Slytherin.

Red and Mimir are in Ravenclaw.

Shery and Halek are in Hufflepuff.

Blade excels at Defense against the Dark Arts and probably runs a dueling club out of the Room of Requirement. He will almost definitely be an Auror when he grows up. For some reason it becomes “a thing” that he never attends balls or dances because he’s getting up to some morbid adventure that just happens to coincide with those dates. Despite not being a prefect, he becomes known for his sense of justice and investigative demeanor and is the go-to person to ask if something weird of fishy is going on in the school.

Trouble is definitely on the Quidditch team--I’m guessing as a Beater or Keeper--and is also pretty good at Defense against the Dark Arts, as well as (surprisingly) Potions. He will probably be an Auror alongside Blade, but he might also be a Quidditch player for a bit too! His Patronus is a lion, and it’s later revealed that he was bitten by a werewolf when he was young, causing him to turn during the full moon, leading to his unusual golden eye color.

Tallys is a Prefect and extremely competitive when it comes to winning the House Cup each year. She excels in Herbology as well as Magical Creatures and helps both professors as an assistant. She definitely saw the Thestrals like her first year at the school and is surprised when people only just start to notice them later. She will probably be the Herbology teacher (?? is this the word??) at Hogwarts when she grows up. She was supposed to attend Beauxbatons but loathed the students there with all her heart. She owns a ginger cat named Stelmaria.

Shery is a Prefect for Hufflepuff and prefers to spend her time in the library, too shy to talk to people in the common room. She’s great at Charms, but is the “Hermione”/bookworm of all her classes, always raising her hand to answer questions. She gets detention one (1) time getting caught up in Chase’s shenanigans and is depressed for the entire year afterward. Once she gets involved in The Group, I imagine she knits them all house scarves for Christmas. OH and she’s passionate about freeing House Elves, forming a club with Tallys! She owns a snow-white rat named Kou. I imagine she works at the tea shop in Hogsmead after graduation for a gap year before going on to become either an OWL examiner or a renowned wand-maker!

Riel is a Prefect for Slytherin alongside Tallys and excels in History of Magic, though his performance in Defense Against the Dark Arts is weak, to his frustration. He and Blade form the two main heads of the “Investigative Club,” which becomes kind of like the opposite of the Marauders: a group of students who become the go-to for help, from missing pets to more sinister mysteries. Riel is sort of “the perfect detective” and de-facto leader of this group, alongside Blade, and can famously solve people’s mysteries within 72 hours (unless he says otherwise beforehand). He is a bit of a stickler for the rules, which brings him much stress and loathing when it comes to Chase, fellow Slytherin and unrepentant prankster. He most likely becomes Minister of Magic when he’s older.

Chase is the Seeker for the Slytherin Quidditch team, pretty much the only thing he applies himself to despite a natural affinity for most types of magic. He mostly just goofs off in class, infuriating his teachers, despite the fact that he scores incredibly well on aptitude tests like the OWLs, especially in Potions, Defense against the Dark Arts, and Transfiguration. Transfiguration is the only thing he’s really interested in learning, and he’s secretly an Animagus, transforming into a black cat at will. He possesses the Marauder’s Map and can usually be found dangling in the rafters and incensing ghosts like Peeves to wreak havoc in the school and introduce a bit of fun into the mix when classes are going slowly or people need cheering up. He’s always getting points taken away from Slytherin lmao. Riel has privately wished he could hex Chase many times.

Red is a Prefect in Ravenclaw and is as universally popular as, say, Cedric Diggory was. He’s Seeker for the Ravenclaw team for a while, but eventually quits to focus on his studies. He excels in History of Magic, Charms, and other classes, but his strongest subject by far is Apparition. He loathes using portkeys and Flumes because they make him sick. He is always showered with requests to be his partner at the school balls and dances. Once, someone slips him a love potion smuggled inside chocolates, but his roommate Pan eats them before Red realizes they’re there, leading to some shenanigans. He comes from a long line of siblings and family members who attended the school--his older sisters were also all in Ravenclaw and also all prefects--leading to his name having something of a reputation among the students and staff. He has been caught and disciplined for being in the Forbidden Section of the library at least 7 times. He owns an ancient snowy owl named Archimetius.

Ayla is the Seeker for Gryffindor and has made Quidditch her entire life. She is abysmal at pretty much all of her classes and generally copies her homework from Shery or Briony. She owns a magnificent barn owl named Asta whom she loves to ride her broom with and chase around. The topic of her family is an extremely sensitive subject, as her parents were struck with a curse when she was young, leading her to be raised by her grandfather, Belnus. She pulls the sword of Gryffindor out of the Sorting Hat in her fourth year. She almost certainly becomes a Quidditch player when she graduates.

Briony is a Chaser for the Gryffindor team and is known throughout the school for her unusually strong hexes, curses, charms, and spells, leading to her being recruited to the “Slug Club,” which she has no interest in actually participating in. Bubbly and talkative, she’s about as popular in the Gryffindor house as Red is in Ravenclaw, but she’s known to be less interested in actually dating and is quite flighty in her interests, making her hard to read. She’s known for taking forbidden excursions into the Dark Forest frequently, talking with the creatures and people who live there. She enters the Wizard’s Tournament and ends up fighting a dragon, then “accidentally” frees it; it’s later revealed that the same dragon now lives in the Forest and Briony brings it food every week or so, horrifying Riel. She punches Croelle in the face for calling her a mudblood, breaking his nose.

Lavinet is a beautiful transfer student from Beauxbatons who’s part Veela in heritage. As such, she is extremely popular in the school and does a lot of work in repairing the relations between high-born families in Slytherin with the rest of the Wizarding World. She is best at Charms and Arithmancy, while being horrible at Quidditch. She owns a white cat named Shishka, who’s always getting into fights with Tallys’ cat. Her family is extremely wealthy, leading to her being slightly out of touch when other students have hand-me-down books and robes. She always wears a beautiful, sparkling necklace, which turns out to be a protection against curses and dark magic. Although pure-blooded, she is passionate about treating Muggles equally and fairly, taking a lot of classes in Muggle Studies. She’s locked in a passionate struggle against the Daily Prophet because of the misinformation it tends to spread. She almost certainly grows up to be a diplomat.

Mimir is basically the Luna Lovegood of the school and excels at Divination. That’s all I’ve got. Just replace Luna Lovegood with Mimir and we’re solid.

Caine is basically the Colin Creevey of the school: an excitable first-year who’s always taking pictures of everybody and being a little fanboy. He gets frozen by the basilisk, but don’t worry--he’s okay! He eventually grows up to replace Ayla as Seeker on the Gryffindor Quidditch team.

Prihine is Lavinet’s lesser-known cousin in Hufflepuff who resents her cousin’s popularity and legacy. She gets tempted by Tom Riddle’s diary and has to be rescued by the Investigation Club in her third year.

Croelle is the cruel and arrogant misfit of Gryffindor, exhibiting all the traits of a Slytherin and leading everyone to question why the Sorting Hat put him in Gryffindor instead. He comes from a high-born, pure-blooded family rumored to have been Dark wizards, which lends to his arrogance and defiance and standoffishness. His refusal to do what he’s told, however, proves to be the school’s salvation when he staunchly refuses to join the dark side, despite his relatives doing so gladly. He is cousins with the imprisoned werewolf who bit Trouble, fueling the enmity between himself and the Investigation Club.

#Shepherds of Haven #Hogwarts #Hogwarts AU #AU #in case it needs to be said JK Rowling is really transphobic and I am repulsed by the things she's said and done #so while I was answering this question I just pretended the series was written be someone else!#Harry Potter

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ariclz · 3 years

Text

hey y’all ! my name’s tay & i have brought to you my child , ariel that’s a lot a bit of a mess. i am obsessed with true crime & makeup. anyways , i wrote some points below about her. it got a little long , so forgive that lmao. if you would like to plot , please click that little heart lol. if you prefer discord , pls let me know & we can slide that way. anyways , her intro is below & i cannot wait to rp with y’all.

✎ 「 have you seen ARIEL JUNG yet this school year ?? maybe in POWER SQUAD, DEBATE & FASHION CLUB ?? i heard some wild rumors about the SEVENTEEN year old last semester, but now that they’re a JUNIOR it might be a different story. according to their friends they’re pretty ORGANIZED, but sometimes SHE can be MALICIOUS. who knows, this might just be HER year ! 」[ JENNIE KIM ]

𝒔𝒕𝒂𝒕𝒔 !

NAME : ariel jung. GENDER : cisfemale. PRONOUNS : she & her. AGE : seventeen ( 17 ). BIRTHDAY : 27th november. ZODIAC : sagittarrius. ETHNICITY : korean. ORIENTATION : bisexual.

𝒃𝒂𝒄𝒌𝒈𝒓𝒐𝒖𝒏𝒅 !

FAMILY : born in the affluent city of newport beach , california to the jung family. her father is the creative director of a soju company while her mother is the ceo of a popular korean cosmetics company. so , she was groomed from birth to be somebody in life. they moved to canada right before ariel started grade school on a whim as an effort to expand their business ventures.

image was everything to the jung family , so they made sure that ariel lived up to their name. from the schools she went to , the grades she got ( bc they def’ made generous donations to the schools she went to in order to keep her at the top of her class in middle school ) , the friends she kept & the way she presented herself to the public. everything had to be perfect & if it wasn’t , faking it like it was was always the first option. her life was set up for her to succeed & ariel & her parents were willing to do anything to make that happen.

on the outside their family was all put together , but on the inside ariel was literally battling with her mother. her mother is extremely controlling , and ariel feels like she is being suffocated. everything she does isn’t good enough in her mother’s eyes-- especially when it comes to the pageant world. ngl , her mother is kinda verbally abusive & enjoys putting her down bc she believes it will toughen her up. so , ariel kinda always has an awful attitude because of it. she’s truly a fucking c*nt at times.

also , at a young age , ariel was put into multiple different activities to find her niche. the one thing she ultimately gravitated towards was beauty pageants. her mom thought it would be a good idea to capitalize on her beauty at a young age & ariel loved it. she loved the spotlight & everything that came with it.

because of the way her mother treats her & her dad barely being around to back her up , ariel resents her parents to the fullest.

SCHOOL : ariel is a pretty good student bc things come naturally to her. she as kind of conditioned at a young age to always be the best at whatever she decides to do. so , although she doesn’t alays show it , she takes her school work very serious. especially since she has to go to college to become a doctor. even though she secretly wants to go to nyc for fashion school.

𝒑𝒆𝒓𝒔𝒐𝒏𝒂𝒍𝒊𝒕𝒚 !

QUICK-TEMPERED : although she has tried to work on her temper , it has been a very rocky journey. a lot of things irritate her & she reacts without thinking things all the way through. any little thing can set her off & she usually starts with words to hurt people because she knows they can cut deep.

HONEST : ariel just does not know how to not be honest. if you ask her for her opinion on something , she will say exactly what’s on her mind. she sugar coats nothing & spares no feelings in the process.

FEISTY : ariel has a very sharp tongue. she is aware that some things she says can come off out of pocket , but doesn’t really care.

PRETENTIOUS : because of her mother , ariel has this air around her that she is better than most people. she will let it be known that she feels that way too. she def’ uses her looks , money & status to fuel this belief.

MALICIOUS : she spares no feelings & will do things on purpose out of spite.

COMPETITIVE : she is extremely competitive in all aspects of her life & will always do whatever she needs to get her way. she doesn’t care about who she has to step on to do so.

in general , i would say that ariel is just blunt , outspoken , can come off very rude , but can also be a good friend when she wants. in most cases she is looking out for herself. if she feels as though she will not benefit from a relationship / friendship / situationship she will either lose interest or not even waste her time. if people can deal with her personality she is def’ your ride or die. if not , she’s like a fucking bat out of hell tbh.

𝒘𝒂𝒏𝒕𝒆𝒅 𝒄𝒐𝒏𝒏𝒆𝒄𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏 !

RIVALS : can be in different aspects tbh. power squad , school , outside of school. whatever !

TRIO : just two other people to make a trio of bad bitches tbh. they would def be the people that ariel trusts with her life & would never betray. think the powerpuff girls lmao or azula , mai , and ty lee.

EXES : we can plot the nature of their relationship in depth ofc.

FWB : self explanatory.

literally down for any kind of plot ngl.

#hqdintro #this is horrid but have it omg

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hyperfixus · 5 years

Text

OPEN YOUR EYES, HEART AND MIND

Open up. It’s good for you.

This post is a little different to the others I’ve written. This one isn’t just about my experiences. In light of May being Borderline Personality Disorder Awareness Month, and last week being Mental Health Awareness Week, I’ve asked for those around me who live with BPD to contribute to my blog with their own thoughts, feelings and experiences. I would like to say a big thank you to those who felt brave enough to open up to me and so many others about the intimate details of their lives. I hope this post can make others who live with BPD feel a little less alone. 🖤

***

ANONYMOUS

Well I'm not sure what you'd like to know. But I've seen the stigma first hand and have cared for my mum who has been totally consumed by BPD due to the death of her first child. When I was growing up and looking after her I wasn't told what was wrong with her. So when the symptoms got stronger and she'd lash out and say things she didn't mean it had a huge effect on me as I didn't understand why she would say things and act like she did. As soon as I learned from her what was actually going on it became way easier to process and forgive her because I knew it wasn't her, it was her illness. Awareness for the people around people with BPD is so important in creating balanced and healthy relationships without resentment, as it was so difficult when I was small and clueless so I feel like there should be way more support for not only the people with BPD, but for the families because the nature of BPD makes it difficult to communicate sometimes unless you can understand it!!

ANONYMOUS

So I got my diagnosis around a year ago after a suicide attempt, I wasn’t really shocked about the diagnosis as I had done so much research due to having friends with BPD also so it was almost a weight off my shoulders being diagnosed. After I got diagnosed me and my ex split up due to him not “being able to handle it” which was sucky but a blessing really as I met better people after him, people who were able to “handle” it. I think one of the worst parts about having BPD is not being able to differ what is my actual personality vs BPD traits, I try to not divide the two and think too much into it but I do always wonder what parts are me and what parts are the illness. Certain things I struggle with a lot are my reactions to things that are considered “normal” one of the biggest things for me is when someone reads my message and doesn’t respond, sometimes I’ll literally consider blocking the person from my life or sending them a whole paragraph as to why they are the worst person on the planet, even I know that’s so intense but I literally cannot help it and it really sucks as it has caused so many fallouts and arguments for me. Another thing is reckless behaviour such as the time I took out 6 credit cards and I’ve maxed them all out and now I’m in a whole load of debt lmao. My reckless behaviour currently is going out most nights a week getting so blackout drunk because I’m trying to just cover up the fact that I’m going through a really bad time mentally, one of my ex’s has really broken me and I know that’s what I’m trying to get through by doing stupid things, it’s annoying that I can recognise why I’m acting like this but I can’t stop it, it’s a repetitive cycle. I do hope one day I can just be content with my life and get off the meds and stop the self destructiveness but right now I’m so numb that self destruct is the only way I feel absolutely anything and that’s just sad. If you have friends/family who seem to have all the traits of a person with borderline personality disorder please be kind to them, don’t call them out for their behaviour because they will be struggling a lot more than you realise, I wish people had been kinder to me and not so judgemental when I did silly things. Borderline personality disorder is such a hard thing to diagnose and it sometimes takes way longer than it should to be diagnosed, I only got my diagnosis because I tried to kill myself and I don’t think that’s right at all it should not be that way.

ANONYMOUS

For me, being diagnosed with BPD was one of the happiest but also scariest moments of my life. I was 21 when i found out and always kind of knew it was more than just anxiety and depression that made me feel the way i did. Knowing what was actually wrong felt like a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders as it really just made me realise that I don’t have full control over my moods and emotions but there are still ways i can manage it and make life easier for myself. I don’t take medication anymore because i always felt like a zombie but honestly it is still difficult when your head moves faster than you can manage. Meditation helps me a lot, it was difficult to get into but even just trying to regulate my breathing and ground myself in times of stress has helped more than i ever thought it would. With BPD i think it’s important to just take things one at a time, i overthink a lot and that doesn’t help with being constantly overwhelmed, but learning to focus on the things i *can* deal with, rather than the “what if’s” is one of the biggest helps for me

BETHAN, 19, LIVERPOOL

I've had diagnosed bpd for like a year now, getting the help I've needed has been near impossible. I spent about a year and a half undiagnosed and having no idea what was wrong with me made my symptoms worse. I always found myself getting into dumb situations due to impullsiveness, ever since my diagnosis I've been able to handle myself a lot better :) I think something people need to realise is that clarity can really help with bpd and even though it's hard in the UK to get help it is out there

DALE, 24, CLACTON-ON-SEA

So I was only diagnosed with bpd this year, until that point I was always given the blanket term of depression and mixed anxiety. [My experiences since diagnosis have been] kinda difficult I guess I got comfortable living with the standard depression diagnosis and so to be diagnosed with BPD kinda of shook my boat so to speak. I mean my mum and dad both suffer from mental health issues my mum being bi polar and my dad having Paranoid Schizophrenia so I didnt come from the best genetic stock in the forms of mental health

EVIE, 20, DURHAM

Having BPD is both a blessing and a curse to me. It is a curse because I am constantly tormented with intrusive thoughts, irrational behaviours and extreme insecurity. I question everything and often find myself in difficult situations because of my fears, and acting out in anger. It is a curse because I am constantly terrified of being abandoned, and that the people around me don't love me, and secretly hate me. It is a curse because some days I cannot physically get out of bed, because I'm- because I'm so mentally exhausted from the aggressive thoughts plaguing my mind. It is a blessing because after 10 long traumatic years, I have the answers I was looking for, my family was looking for and my loved ones were looking for. It is a blessing because you will never meet anyone who loves you as much as I do. I feel, and I feel hard. And I embrace it. It is a blessing because although I deal with such an awful disorder, I am not what happened to me. And BPD does not define me.I am still worthy of love, and I always will be. I am Evie, not BPD.

#bpd #borderline #borderline personality disorder #borderline awareness #bpd awareness #bpd awareness month #mental health #mh #mental health blog #pma #positive mental attitude #self help #self care

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boethiahsboytoy · 3 years

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🎭🎁 for sethsa :3 also tell me more abt her!! - esther

Thank you for asking abt her 🥺 Luv Sethsa so much she's fun for me 2 think abt I'm excited that anyone is interested in her !!!!!

🎭 - Does your OC show different sides of themselves to different people?

Oh definitely!! Part of it probably comes from trickery being part of Being A Thief, but she also feels like as a Demiprince she has a Reputation to uphold, even before the Guild knows that about her. So she wants them to see her as formal and slightly aloof.

Then around Chal (one of Toby's OCs and her best friend aside from Deathcry) she will Occasionally relax and be more chilled out. She even *gasp!* cracks jokes around him!! But there's an unspoken agreement between the two of them that any vulnerability or expressions of affection will Never Be Mentioned Again lmao.

Shes most affectionate around Deathcry, but to be fair she made(?/summoned?) Deathcry when she was Very little so she's been with Sethsa From The Start and has seen every side of her hehe uwu

🎁 - What kind of gift-giver are they? Do they give thoughtful gifts? Expensive gifts? Practical gifts?

She gives thoughtful but small gifts. Things that can be easily hidden away but still mean something dear to whoever she's giving them to. I think being part of the Thieves' Guild would definitely make giving small things like that sort of. Necessary?? Bc 1) you wouldn't want someone to see smthn n try n Yoink it and 2) can be easily hidden in an emergency and 3) doesn't take up valuable space. But also because Sethsa herself doesn't feel comfortable doing big, dramatic things for people so if she's getting someone a gift she'd like to quietly hand it over without making it a Whole Thing.

I think she would also make genuine, Enchanted With Some Daedric Shit, good luck charms to the Guild and her friends. Very practical for Thieves, but also a clear sign that she's looking out for them and wants them to be ok:') It's how she shows she cares, and the Guild knows it. Plus, they love the luck lmao!

Some Random Sethsa Facts too!!!:

-She has a sweet tooth and her favorite snack is bread with honey :3 she lets the honey soak into a bit so it's a little crunchy. If she's feeling REALLY self indulgent, she sprinkles a bit of cinnamon on top 😊

-Feels like it's a Little Weird for a Demiprince to worship Daedric Princes but still shows a great amount of Respect for Boethiah, Mephala, and Azura.

-Related to last: before I solidified her character at all I toyed with the idea of her being Boethiah's Champion!

-Has a really good maternal instinct! One of my first ideas for her was that she kills off Grelod and takes in all the kids at Honorhall (plus the lil dude trying to summon the Dark Brotherhood). Since they all seem to be Interested In Violence she would be delighted to start training them to be sneaky little killers lol. Even now she still loves kids and would never hurt, scare, steal from, etc. a child and also still kills Grelod before giving a shitton of money to Honorhall Orphanage.

-Somewhat related: She definitely has contact with the Dark Brotherhood (when I was first making her I actually had the Brotherhood Sort Of taking her in, with Babette being her favorite auntie) and is even on friendly terms with them!

-HAAAATES the cold. Hates it more than anything. Resents the mere Existence of snow.

-Actually very nervous in Dwemer ruins. And Falmer caves. Stays away from them.

-Terrified of drowning and hates the fact that Riften is just. Water n canals.

-Feels massive amounts of guilt over the Eyes of the Falmer. Hates that the Guild held onto them. Steals them again one night and goes back to where they were taken. Yes that particular cave was destroyed, but not everything else. She leaves them a little ways inside Irkngthand for the Falmer to find. She doesn't know if they care about the Eyes or will do anything with them, but they never should have been taken.

-(Her, Karliah, Brynjolf, and Boltu all snuck past the Falmer. Sethsa wouldn't allow the other three to harm them)

-Doesn't worship the Divines but appreciates the Priests of Mara. Makes anonymous donations to the Temple of Mara occasionally. I think if she met Erandur she'd think he's really cool. :)

-Modern AU! Sethsa loves pop music. Toby and I have joked that she and Chal met at and would go to One Direction concerts together. (She would have been INCONSOLABLE the day they broke up. Bad enough that the Guild collectively wonders if they should try summoning Nocturnal bc they have NEVER seen Sethsa cry) (disclaimer im not making fun of Directioners I cried so much when Daft Punk broke up and made my beef start to listen to their Entire discography with me and the next day I played their Alive 2007 album in the car and SOBBED like. I get it. IF THAT HAD HAPPENED WHEN I WAS A TEENAGER I would have had to be pulled out from school I WOULD NOT function like I Get It.)

-Secretly likes having her hair braided. Karliah braids it occasionally.

-Related: thinks Dwemer braids are sick as fuck but too nervous to admit it

-Also related: When she finally accepts Boltu is Guildmaster and a part of her family, she realizes that at his core he's a good dude with big dad energy. She's not sure how to tell him this so she asks him to braid her hair. She doesn't care if it looks nice or not, this time it's about the Meaning.

-I just think it would be neat if her eyes glowed naturally. No reason for it except glowing eyes r cool as hell.

-Hates wearing pants; dresses and skirts are where it's at!!!! (Ofc she knows not to wear a long ass dress when it's impractical, but when she's just hanging out or traveling she'll be wearing dresses or skirts)

-Related: she enjoys being feminine! And looking nice! Just because she's a shadowy thief n half Daedra doesn't mean she can't be pretty uwu

- Vaguely related: she likes soft fabrics like silk. Or velvet. Idk how lore accurate either of those things are but like *gestures at the things that Are In The Lore* can't be thay weird if they aren't!

-Likes touchin' flower petals. Especially if they make her fingers smell nice afterwards.

That's it for rn bc I'm Tired n can't thibk of anything else also im sorry that these Facts r pretty all over the place I just love thinking up random small details abt my OCs SO much

#ask #ask meme response #esther #mothermara #i dont know if u meant abt her or her 'story' so i just rambled but!!#i can also talk abt whatever her current backstory is i know ive changed it a million times ;;#i Swear m trying to think of smthn concrete-

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cutebunnys50 · 7 years

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last thing for today [really long xD]

now that we’ve gotten all that insecurity out of the way, my attitude did a bit of a turnaround, but i’m still bothered by some things. xD

https://tommorris.org/posts/8268

first, i kinda seek validation too much, i think. maybe i’m allowed to bc i’m still growing and haven’t carved out a place for myself in society yet and i’m still working on it, but it’s a little annoying, maybe? ‘cuz i wanna be independent instead of checking if everything i do is right/okay. but i mean. reading that blog post made me feel better. xD (above) i had to convince myself there was a reason behind this and i’m not making a big deal out of nothing/being stupid xD

i really want to say i don’t care what anyone thinks and i don’t give a damn, but if i said that, that would be defeating the purpose of this whole “being honest” thing bc quite frankly... that’d be a bit of a lie, as i am stressing about it now. xD

i really don’t like admitting to weaknesses, and when i do, i honestly want to avoid you, but yeah. i’m kind of proud of myself for writing this much/getting this far.

i’ve always wanted to talk about myself to people. actually, i love talking about myself, and sometimes i feel really tempted to overshare, but i never share more than the tip of the iceberg-- it’s also ‘cuz i want to make sure people actually care when i start spilling my own guts. xD

not wanting to be a bother is also part of it, but there’s also arrogance there-- on my part. xD it’s not fair of me to dismiss other people so easily though... not if i want them to not do the same thing to me.

it’s sorta a defense mechanism when i don’t share anything you can possibly use against me, but the only reason it can be used against me is because of how sensitive i am/how afraid i am of admitting the truth. xD but if i tell you all this stuff by myself, willingly, without you figuring it out about me-- then it feels less uneven, i guess? xD i talk about people antagonizing me/using stuff against me, but to do that, you have to actually care enough to do it first, so i think this worrying is all for naught; i’m pretty damn cynical. xD

still, if i do this, i’m putting myself less in a defensive position and making myself more in control of my life. xD everything i’m sharing is stuff i’m okay with sharing-- even if i’m initially unwilling to --and the reason i’m doing this is because my relationships have felt uneven in the past, and i don’t think it’s fair... xD It’s also made me feel pretty isolated because i don’t really tell my inner feelings to other people, but i let them say whatever they want.

i’ve made a vaguepost about it before, but i really mean it-- i don’t want to feel “used” xD

a lot of this is stuff you figured out and pointed out for me, Rei; actually, i don’t think i ever had any words to describe this until i asked you to sincerely evaluate me xD so i’m grateful for that; i should tell that to your face, maybe. xD how much i appreciated that. xD

right now, i just explained why i’m doing this in the first place, and it makes me feel better that this has reasoning behind it and is grounded in something. xD in the future, though, i’ll do whatever the hell i want just for the heck of it; this is just something new for me, but i think i’m getting used to it, and yeah. it does feel kinda good to write all this xD

if you’ve gotten this far, i guess now i just wanna explain a little bit about my behavior so you’re not confused/off-put when i do these things. xD

well, first, i can be pretty insecure, especially about my relationships with other people, and part of the reason is it’s hard for me to be honest. xD i don’t wanna get attached to you if it’s gonna end badly, and i don’t want you to get attached to me for the same reason, so after initially having fun with you, i’ll get distant. xD maybe it’s so you’ll lose interest in me/won’t get curious about me, and you won’t bother me. xD (I dunno, but i’m pretty sure this has backfired because sometimes when you get distant, people will want to know why, and they’ll get hurt and imsosorrythatwasn’tmyintentionactuallyididthattoavoidthis)

i’m not sure why it’s so hard for me to be honest. xD i think part of the reason is inside, i’m actually really angry and mean and i can be overwhelming, and i don’t want to hurt your feelings. xD my insecurity plays into it because maybe i’m afraid you won’t accept me. and i’ve always been a loner/independent, so if anyone compromises that, i get really defensive/resentful. xD

I don’t want to take my anger out on you, you know. xD

Since i’m so insecure, i’m always wondering how other people feel about me, and i try to find proof that they actually care about me/enjoy my company/genuinely like me. xD that’s why if you do something for me, i’ll be really really grateful. i don’t know how to express how grateful i am because i’m awkward and not naturally a touchy-feely/affectionate person, but i really am happy about it.

i guess there’s a fear of intimacy after all, though. i’m aromantic and asexual, mm, so if i overthink too much and misread something as more than it actually is, that’ll scare me away, p much. xD

i’m really fiercely independent, and i don’t want to get my expectations crushed, so like... i like the idea of a relationship, but I don’t actually want to be in one.

it’s sorta a weird way to think of it, but commitment is kind of a foreign thing for me, and i don’t want to get stuck to anyone or anyone to get stuck to me. i’m sure i’ve expressed this sentiment before, but my feelings haven’t changed since the last time i said something like this.

moderation is key, so if you’re too nice to me, i might get the wrong idea?? ( >< u) i’m still ace-aro and gay though, so i...shouldn’t be too much of a threat ( owo u)

i like to joke around a lot, you know, so try not to take my words too seriously most of the time-- especially when it’s clear i’m joking (i’ll try to make it clear,)

nnhh. this all boils down to me being a loner, wanting to stick to myself, and being really independent, but you know, i also want friends too. i mean,. after sticking with me for such a long time, i want to be more real with them, and liked for who i am rather than who i pretend to be. xD

that’s why i’m now going to be more honest from now on! there are some people i really care about, and they say they care about me too, but i want to make sure they know how i’m really like if they’re going to continue to support me!

there are things i really like/want to express about myself, so it’s a shame when i find ways to censor myself all the time. as if i’m not allowed to act a certain way or show my humanity (make mistakes).

this got really long, and i’ve made attempts to disclose stuff about myself in the past too, but this is going to be a concerted effort! this may/may not be stuff you already know (maybe you did research on me lmao i’ve written revealing/explanatory posts before) but still! in case you never knew, that’s the stuff i can think about when it comes to me! it’s gotten really late now, but i’m being sincere!

despite my optimism/idealism, sometimes i set myself up so i’m not disappointed when things let me down,,, but i expect the worst case scenario like a total cynic!!

i also want to believe and all that stuff (believe in you, believe in myself, etc.) and to be honest, i don’t usually follow my own advice/don’t always sincerely believe what i say, but whatever. i kinda like this sappy idealism crap, and a part of me actually believes in it, so yeah.

i’m sure that was a mouthful. xD

as a last note, i’ve always wanted to be spoiled on my birthday, honestly. xD but since i’m so awkward and don’t remember other people’s birthdays...how can i expect that? xD

i really want to do something to show my appreciation to the people who care/have stuck around. i’ve called myself selfish before in the past too, and i don’t think that’s far off the mark at all. xD

i actually can’t handle rejection. i’m afraid of it, like a lot of people, and i would rather not experience it: so i don’t put in the effort; i try not to care enough that i will actually be hurt when/if i’m rejected. xD

that’s...actually the reason why i’ve never actually hosted a birthday party like other people have. xD not only do i feel bad if i forget to invite someone; i’m also afraid of bad things happening, like people getting bored, me not knowing what to do, and maybe no one shows up. xD

next i can talk about how i used to think of myself as a character and restrained myself like that, but i’ve already written about that and written this much, so i really think i need to take a break, do work, and eat something.

i’ll say it again: writing all this was really satisfying to me, and i’m actually pretty happy now/again. now that i’ve done it a bit more and put effort into this and am getting used to it.

there’s no guarantee other people will read it, but i’ll be grateful if you did! i actually want you to know about this now-- as opposed to wanting my other messages to be unseen/ignored before --so if you liked this, i think i would feel secretly happy. xD

i’m gonna use this as a frame of reference and compare it to all the other times i’ve talked about myself too. xD people change as they grow, so i want to see how much i change as i grow too. xD

it was nice talking to you, even if this was all one-sided. xD thanks for getting this far/reading everything if you did. xD now that i’ve gotten that off my back, i think i feel pretty good (and i’ll feel better after i actually eat something lmao)

i’ve actually written a few deviantART journals talking about myself, so i think i’ll go revisit those. xD

the past couple days were days of self-exploration. xD when ya gotta choose a college, ya end up evaluating your ideals, yanno? xD

and i’m not always immediately motivated. xD i have to find a reason to do things before i’ll commit, and thinking about how i am/how i function helps encourage me to reach any goals i develop. xD

by this point, i should probably shut up; my eyes hurt a little and it’s 10:30 PM rn and I’m still hungry, but once again, I thank you for your time! xD writing all this-- it’s making me feel more confident. and less confused about who i really am.

hah. you sap. xD

#bun thinks #actually pretty proud of this one xD #i've written a lot more about myself than usual and it's not a bunch of words stringed together to show my insecurity xD #it's more explanatory/analytical so if you have any inkling of interest in me it's fine to look at this lol #it's long though so i won't expect you to read this entirely. xD though if it was me i might take that as a challenge xD #strung*

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dominodebt · 7 years

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LoZ WIP Test?

Okay so fun fact about me: I absolutely adore Legend of Zelda, particularly Ocarina of Time. The seven year time gap in the game has always fascinated me, and with Breath of the Wild bringing the franchise back to the center of things, I’ve been thinking about it even more, to the point where all I’ve been doing today is planing/writing a fic about it.

So the question is: would anyone actually read it lmao

Because the thing is even if y’all are like “sorry Domino but Legend of Zelda ain’t my thing” that’s fine!! I’m gonna write it anyway because at this point I’ve spent too much time on it plus I really like the idea, but your feedback will dictate how quickly I finish it

So here’s a look at the first part? I guess? Um basically it takes place right after Link went to the Temple of Time with the Spiritual Stones and is getting ready to draw the Master Sword, and Zelda is over the fuckin moon because her visions came true and she thinks she’s saved Hyrule

spoiler: she hasn’t

It’s an AU, mostly because we have no real idea of what exactly happened during the seven years Link was asleep, but I kind of took it as an opportunity to look at Zelda and the other characters more closely, and follow Zelda’s attempts to keep peace in Hyrule while Gannondorf is trying to fuck up the Sages and their Temples.

I guess if you have more question about like, the details of it you could shoot me an ask?

Anyway here’s a look? I guess? Please don’t hate it?

ps this by no means I’m not gonna keep writing Overwatch. I just have a lot of love in my heart for this AU and wanted to finally make it happen, but I’m juggling a few other Overwatch WIPs too!

Castle Town is well acquainted with the Princess Zelda.

It would be difficult to not be, what with the town being—as the name would suggest—just outside the grounds of Hyrule Castle. It is a bizarre mix of cultural significance, historical propriety, and utter lunacy.

Truly. The Happy Mask Shop is mere feet from the Southern Gate of the Castle.

Lunacy.

Still, the people are kind and resilient and just wary enough to be safe. They adore the Royal Family and dote on the Princess like she is the collective daughter of every adult Hylian in the country. She is well loved, well respected, and—to her attendant Impa’s annoyance—well recognized.

So when she does descend from the Castle to traipse her way around the town, it is not without Impa at her back, a cowl over her head, and a knife in her boot.

Presently, however, the Princess Zelda is running through Castle Town’s market lacking all of these things.

She ducks under a man hauling in planks of wood, weaves around a pair of women haggling with a merchant, skirts the well in the center of town, and hikes up the long skirts of her dress as she sprints towards the Southern Gate of the Castle, grinning despite herself.

She knows Impa will scold her senseless for this little escapade—though part of her is still secretly thrilled that she managed to sneak past her Sheikah guardian at all—but even the promise of a lengthy lecture cannot ruin her mood.

She’s done it. Farore, Nayru, and Din, she’s done it!

The guard at the Southern Gate looks appalled at the Princess’ sudden appearance—alone, unattended, and dressed in near full Royal regalia to boot—and hastens to stammer out some kind of greeting, but Zelda cuts him off, and brightly requests that he opens the gate.

He does so, though not without some fumbling and more than a few confused glances back at the Princess, who simply waits for her order to be carried out, fingers linked behind her, rocking back on her heels, head tipped up towards the sky.

Hyrule is safe.

Just wait until she tells Impa.

The gate creaks open and Zelda hurries to duck under it, ignoring the guard’s shouts as she takes off towards the Castle, passing by more and more guards who patrol the grounds

They all exchanging looks as she races by them—as though to confirm with each other that yes, the Princess of the entire country, the ten year-old heir to the throne of Hyrule, did indeed just run past them all—and one at least makes a valiant attempt to give chase, rushing after the Princess as she crosses the Castle grounds, calling for her to stop.

She declines, obviously, and in a rash moment of pure adrenaline and glee, ignores the bridge to her left and instead leaps across the river that ribbons its way around the Castle.

The guard pursuing her stops dead at the sight, and simply stands and watches—lips quirked in amusement—as the Princess lands a bit clumsily on the other side, her boots slapping sharply against the stonework, before she’s off again, this time racing around to the side door that will grant her entrance into the Castle.

Leaning on his spear, the guard just offers the young Princess a salute she can’t see.

Rapping loudly on the door, Zelda catches her breath, heartbeat thrumming loud and bright in her chest, as the door is pulled back by a very confused maid.

A state of confusion that only grows when she realizes who is knocking.

“Why, your Grace!” she gasps, seeming unsure if she should keep the door open or drop into a curtsey. “I—begging your pardon, Miss, but what are you—?”

“I am perfectly well, thank you for asking,” Zelda replies politely, managing a wide smile as she attempts to right her headdress where it had been knocked askew in her rush to the Castle. “Though I would like to speak with Impa, if that could be arranged?”

The maid just stares down at her. The hem of her gown—her Royal gown, the maid notes with horror—is splashed with mud, and her boots are caked with dirt. And, despite the Princess’ best efforts, most of her hair has escaped the updo beneath her headdress, and blonde tresses hang down, sticking to the sweat on her face and neck.

Zelda smiles brightly.

The maid does not recall a time she’d seen her Highness is such high spirits.

“Certainly, your Grace,” she says, stepping aside and graciously allowing her entrance. “I will have her sent to your quarters right away. Would you like something to eat?”

“No, thank you,” she answers, stepping across the threshold and deciding to cut her losses with the headdress as she just pulls the whole thing off her head, running a thin hand through the sweat-stiff locks.

She glances over her shoulder at the maid, who is still watching her closely.

“And if you could send Impa to the Courtyard, that would be lovely.” She flashes another smile and turns to hustle up and out of the corridor the side door empties out into, making a hard right as she heads towards the Courtyard.

She only manages about three steps before a figure—tall and lean and sculpted with muscle—seems to detach itself from the shadows cast by the flickering torches that line the corridor, and suddenly a figure looms above the Princess, blocking her path.

Zelda tips her head back, smiling up at the imposing figure.

“Hello, Impa,” she greets cheerfully.

Impa stares down at her, red eyes glowing in the darkness of the hall.

“And where,” her guardian asks, a low and dangerous drop to her tone, “have you been?”

Zelda doubts very seriously that Impa is unaware of where she’s been, meaning it is a rhetorical question.

She bites her lip. That is never a good sign.

“Do not be angry,” Zelda rushes out, pressing her back against the opposite wall as Impa just gazes down at her. “Please, Impa, just listen to me.”

Impa arches a silver brow.

“I always listen to you, your Highness,” she remarks somewhat frostily. “I am your confidant in all things.” A pause. Impa folds her arms across her chest. “Although that is a role that usually requires my presence at your side.”

She gives the Princess another pointed look. Zelda shrinks from it, wishing the bricks at her back would swallow her up.

“I promise I wasn’t getting into trouble!” she insists, to which Impa just scoffs.

“Naturally,” she replies, voice dry as the Gerudo Desert. “You simply waited until you knew I was tied up in a meeting with your father and the Head Guard—a time during which I specifically requested you not stray anywhere near the outskirts of the Castle—and slipped off to…where?” She offers a falsely inquisitive glance. “Castle Town? The Watchtower? Perhaps you crossed the bridge into Hyrule Field. Now wouldn’t that be an adventure.”

Zelda flushes at her attendant’s biting sarcasm, balling her fists. She knows her scolding is deserved—she truly should not have given Impa the slip like that—but Nayru’s Love she’s saved Hyrule—!

“I was at the Temple of Time!” she bursts out.

Impa blinks, and the sharpness of her features softens as she leans back, staring down at her ward with guarded concern.

“You what?”

“The Temple at the edge of Castle Town,” Zelda explains in a rush. “The one in my dreams—I was there.”

Sheikah can—or, could, Zelda corrects herself awkwardly—hide their expressions expertly. Some joked that the true purpose of the race’s treasured Lens of Truth was to see past the impassive masks the Shadow Folk constantly gave each other.

Impa, however, seems to have abandoned her usual dark façade of indifference, and looks down at her ward with urgency in her eyes and a tautness to her jaw.

“Zelda—what were you doing there?” she demands lowly, leaning down to level herself with the Princess. “Who were you with? How long where you there? I have told you a thousand times not to—”

“I was with Link,” Zelda nearly shouts. Impa immediately hushes her, glancing around to make sure no one’s overheard them, before pulling the Princess back into the shadows that ring the hall, seeming to melt straight into the darkness.

“The boy from the forest?” Impa whispers, eyes bright even in the gloom. “Why, Zelda? What were you two doing?”

Zelda frowns, lips pushing out in a pout. She knows that tone. Impa is not asking what she was doing; Impa is asking what was she up to.

The Princess resents the assumed guilt that comes with such a question, and squares her shoulders, lifting her chin.

“We,” she announces in a ringing tone that has Impa hushing her again, though this time she ignores her warden. “Were saving Hyrule.”

“How?” Impa’s voice is a hiss.

“Link collected the Spiritual Stones,” Zelda responds, voice still arch with confidence in the face of Impa’s obvious disquiet. “And I gave him the Ocarina of Time, and after playing the Song of Time—which I taught him—opened the Door.”

She smiles, pleased with her tale. Impa’s face is ashen in the darkness.

For a moment, the two simply stare at each other, before Impa is picking the Princess up—Zelda protests hotly at the action but is smoothly ignored—and swiftly ducking back out the way Zelda had entered.

“Impa, what are we doing?” Zelda demands, as her caretaker dumps her rather unceremoniously on her feet back outside in the Castle grounds.

Instead of answering, the Sheikah woman gives the nearest guard a dark look of warning for his curious glances, and he quickly attaches his gaze to the base of a tree a few feet away in the opposite direction.

“We are going to the Temple of Time. Now.” Impa sets off at a brisk pace, leaving Zelda scrambling to keep up.

“Impa, what are you so upset about?” Zelda demands. “I know it was wrong to run off, and I am sorry, but going back to the Temple is not going to—”

Impa turns on her heel, startling Zelda, who rears back.

Her attendant tilts her head as she stares down at the Princess—an action that blocks the sun from Zelda’s view, bathing her face in shadow.

“You have not saved Hyrule. You have opened the Door for anyone—good or bad.”

Zelda frowns at her words, jaw falling open to protest, when suddenly a searing heat lights up on the back of her right hand. She staggers at the sudden sting, crying out as she cradles the hand to her chest, eyes wide with shock and pain, and Impa is on her knees before her in a moment, gentle coaxing her hand away from her chest and into the light.

There—on the back of the Princess’ hand—is a small triangle. Slightly off-center and glowing softly against her skin.

Zelda gapes at it, but Impa’s countenance is eerily calm as she inspects the new mark—the burn of which had vanished just as quickly as it came—and Zelda stares at the way the golden light reflects in her retainer’s eyes.

“Come,” Impa murmurs, rising back to her feet and gently pulling Zelda along after her. “We must hurry.”

“But, Impa, that mark—”

“The Triforce has been fractured,” Impa answers without turning back. “Hyrule is in jeopardy. You are in jeopardy.”

#The Legend of Zelda #Ocarina of Time #fic wip #Princess Zelda #Impa #prelude of light

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