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kashimos-hajime · 3 years

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no regrets (8/8) | r.b.

summary: For the first time, he thinks of a future he could have, and someone who loves him, and there’s something bright in his heart. Or, Reiner finally understands what peace is.

WARNINGS: MANGA SPOILERS!!! angst, mentions of violence, we get our happy ending :) pairing: reiner braun x fem!reader word count: 6.7k

a/n: welcome to the last chapter!! thank you so much for being on this journey with me. there are a few callbacks to previous chapters so see if you can catch ‘em all heheh

masterlist

crossposted on ao3 x

Few months ago ymir asked if I could let her write one last letter to krista, and I did let her. I stood over her shoulder the whole time, watching her pen down all this sappy shit and I kept thinking about you the whole time, behind those walls. What you were doing, what you were thinking. Maybe if you thought about me. I dont know.

I’m starting to see the appeal of wrting what youre not strong enough to say to a persons face. I never thought Id find myself on the other end of this stick. for some reason, I thought that I could stop myself, resist the temptation, or maybe that I didnt feel for you as strong as I thought I did once I was away from you. I was wrong.

What do I even say? I mean shit, I can barely see, my limbs are barely in tact, and all of it—shiganshina, it haunts me, even though I cant really remember it that well. Half of it goes black and then I remember hearing your voice, I remember Bertholdt, I remember you screaming.

You couldve walked away. why didnt you walk away? It doesn’t make sens. Why did you think to cut me out? Why did you try to save me? Im trying to make it make sense inmy head. It’s not working.

Fuck I dont know what I was thinking when I asked for a paper and pen. Why am I asking you questions? Its not like ill ever understand. At this point, I think it’s pity thats letting Zeke let me waste ink on trying to write straight. He doesn’t know what im doing, but thats better this way. Better than sleeping—better than eating. I just wanna talk to you and this is as close as I can get. Its my own damn fault, but I dont care.

I completed my mission. After this, im done. ill give up the rest of my term. I dont want any of that glory anymore. I dont want to be a hero. Im just done.

Fuck, my head hurts so much. I dont really know if what im saying is making sense. Im hoping you never read this.

im sorry. I wish I could explain it to you some day, but chances are, ill be dead soon. Whether for treason or because they need to pass on the Titan, and I wont be able to see you again. Which means youll never know how sorry I am. How much I

Thats okay. I dont think youd believe me now even if I did say anything.

I remember your dream to live by the lake with a bunch of kids. You know I started to wonder if youd mind if they were our kids, not just some orphans who needed a home. I’d imagine one of them with blond hair. Imagine them swimming in the lake.

Never told you that was my dream too. Never knew i could have a dream of my own, something only I wanted and not just something to further marleys damn agenda, til I knew you. Sounds stupid but its true.

I think youd like Marley, if we weren’t sworn enemies. Just want you here with me right now. make me sleep easier knowing you’re there when I wake up.

Dont want secrets either. Fuck I miss you so bad. I feel s o tired all the time.

I rember when i first saw you all could think about was how you were the most prettiest girl id ever seen. I don know if you know thats why I tried to distance myself. Knew I couldn’t get distracted from my mison. happened anyway. Wish I could tell you that.

wish I could tell you I love you. Wish I could see the look on yur face when you try lobster for the first time. Youd love it. Not sweet, but tons of desserts here too.

Shit. And the ring on your finger. ill put a ring on your finger. I promised. i swear ill go home and buy a ring for the moment I see you again. Might not be pretty but will do the best I can.

Olnly wnat only wnat only want to see you again and beg for your forgiveness. Let you know if I had a choice, I wouldnt have done it. Would take it all back, nd stay. i wanted to stay, stay with you and the others. I used to want to spend the rest of my life in those walls, now I think im sick and tired of them dividing people who arent even that differnet.

My eyes are beginning to burn. Worse because the skin is sitll growing back. Fucking hell god I miss you. miss your smile more.

I know i dont deserve your forigvneess forgiveness. I want you to be angry with me. I deserve as much, and I cant ask you to, but

With love,

Rienr

You fold the letter, eyes closing as your fingers trace where the ink bled, the old tear stains wrinkling the paper beyond measure. Some are older than others, and you trace over his name again, your eyes burning, your throat tight enough to suffocate.

You’re leaning against the wall as everyone disembarks. They had taken Eren off first, Hange and the others getting ready to depart for the city while Connie and Jean lift a covered stretcher too white for the vivacious girl that lays dead beneath it.

They pass you silently, and you catch sight of a certain captain approaching, his pale eyes nearly swallowed by the shadows haunting his face.

“Captain,” you say, straightening. Placing the letter back into the tin, you slide it back into your pocket as he folds a green jacket over his shoulder. You give him a nod.

“You made it out alive,” Levi observes. He stops beside you, eyes more focused on what’s ahead. No doubt he’s not looking forward to having to take Zeke to wherever he needs to go—somewhere far, far away from Eren. You cross your arms.

“It’s good to see you, too, Levi,” you intone. Sighing, you step in beside him and look out at the Walls you can’t see in the distance, your entire body wrought with a strange fatigue that’s only sewn into muscles by adrenaline leaving the body. “I think I’m going to stay.” He tilts his head to you, eyes flickering to your face, and you mirror the shift, your arms tightening. “I can’t leave this unfinished. Not after Liberio.”

“The farm will have to be abandoned,” he points out. “The kids, too.”

“I’ll make sure I move them where someone can take care of them. Somewhere north, far away from the brothers,” you assure, although still, your heart begins to sink and you close your eyes, exhaling deeply. “I have to hope they understand.”

Levi only nods, and you open your eyes as he wordlessly takes the jacket off his arm and offers it to you. Grasping it wearily, you open your mouth to ask questions but he only sets off, back towards the cabin where Zeke is still being held, and you snap your jaws shut, looking down at the jacket.

When you unfold it, you swallow the hard rock in your throat at the blue and white slipping beween the folds of olive green before there’s a sharp whistle. Looking up, you see the carriages already beginning to load up, and you glance back at the door where the captain has disappeared through before jogging down the ramp.

You slither your arms through the sleeves and shuffle the fabric along your frame as something thumps against your thigh, and you frown, reaching down into your pocket and coming into contact with something smooth and hard.

Withdrawing, your lips part at the green bolo tie gleaming in the lights of the port and you, without another thought, pull it over your head, letting it fall against your breastbone.

“For your services to the Survey Corps.”

There’s no time to second-guess now. No time to debate.

“Good to have you back,” Hange murmurs as you walk towards the carriage taking Mikasa, Armin, and the others back to the city. You tug the lapels of the jacket tighter around yourself and flash them a weak smile.

The Wings of Freedom on your arm feel like a brand, and it prickles your skin as you climb in after them.

Distantly, he remembers flashes.

Eren reaching forward for Zeke, the exhaustion ripping him every which way, the sound of ODM gear whizzing in his ears as he tries to make sense of the punctured sensation in his armour.

How he had softened his nape, intending to die then. At least, let his death have some meaning, he had thought. Let him make one last effort to repent for everything he did to Paradis, and to his friends who’d been more family than his own mother.

He slips in an out of consciousness for the next few days. He doesn’t know what is up, what is down, but he does recognize his surroundings blearily, the way his head spinning somehow slowing when he presses his temple to the wooden floor.

How can he almost hear your voice in the echoes of the panels, countered by someone who almost sounds like Annie before he drifts off again.

When Reiner finally regains consciousness again, he wakes to someone crouched down in front of him. Jerking up, he lets out a sound before a palm slaps over his mouth and your face is shoved against his own.

“Shut it,” you whisper fiercely. “It’s just me.”

Your name muffled by your own hand, his eyes begin to burn and you lift your palm away as he sits up and you draw back. You’re dressed in clothes that look like they’ve seen better days but you’re relatively uninjured as you pull back. New lines adorn your face—one of the many prices of their damned war—and you only look exhausted.

Sitting up, Reiner’s whole body groans as he leans against the wall, but he can’t tear his eyes away from you. Your hands are hovering around his body like you’re scared he’ll collapse and there’s a fracture in your mask.

Something gleams on your finger and his eyes flit to it, his heart lurching when he realizes what it is.

The ring. You’re wearing it. You…

For a moment, a glimmer of their teenage selves shine through and he wants to reach for it—touch it so he can remember what it’s like to be happy. He thinks it’s an awful like now; the swelling of his heart so big he can’t breathe; the way his lungs are static in his chest; how he can’t say anything because there are so many words that want to come out first.

“You’re here. You’re alive,” he finally settles on raspily. Your eyes glint with a youthful pain as you nod.

“So are you.”

And he doesn’t know who moves first—you or him. Nothing is forgiven as their bodies crash in an embrace that lacks grace, but they cling onto another like the world is ending and they’re the only ones left standing.

Maybe they are.

He buries his face in your neck, and your arms are so tight around him your fingers dig into his shoulders as your body melts against his and his skeleton sags in his own body.

“I’m sorry,” he whispers against your skin, eyes fluttering shut. “I‘m sorry.” A hand against your neck and an arm around your waist, he wraps his legs around your own and traps you against him. You seem to only sink into him even more.

Is that enough? I don’t want you to hate me.

You suck in a breath, and then it comes out shuddering. “You can spend the rest of what life you have left repenting for making me fall in love with a man who was always supposed to die.”

Softly, in his mind, your voice cools the searing heat of hatred inside him. It’s enough. It has to be.

“I’m sorry,” he says again. It’s like they’re the only words he knows. He can’t remember ever meaning it this much. For him dying, for making you love him, for ever coming to Paradis. For loving you. For loving you. “I’m so sorry.”

“I know. I know.” Your face turns to press against his own. Your lips brush against his jaw and his eyes slide shut, tears rolling down his face. “I read every single one of your letters.” Drawing back, you cup his face in his hands and your fingers smear his tears all over his cheeks as his palm rests against your neck. Thumb stretching up to touch your chin, he feels sobs shuddering in his throat at seeing you again—looking at him almost like you used to. “I can’t begin to understand, but I know you are. And I know you love me.”

Choking, he gasps, “You should hate me.”

“Yeah. Yeah, I should.” You’re crying, too, voice thick, tears stubborn on your cheeks as you give him a watery smile. “I should hate Marley, too. But it’s beautiful there. The water by the sea… I want to be there with you next time. We need to go together, before you leave me alone, okay?”

Reiner doesn’t quite hear you. He hears Marley, and beautiful, and he’s never noticed how beautiful you are when you cry, but right now, it’s the simplest truth he knows.

“Okay.”

When you tilt his chin up and kiss him softly, something inside him explodes from the gentleness that makes him want to crack in the palm of your hands. It sears him from the inside out, makes him grab onto you like you’ll disappear—this is another dream, isn’t it?

It has to be.

You can’t be kissing him again after four years. He doesn’t deserve it. You’re an illusion, something his mind made up to deal with the pain. He’s finally cracked for good, just like Bertholdt said he would, and he’s the devil, not you.

But then you pull away just for a moment to smile, eyes barely open as you look at him with a sad tenderness that wraps him in an invisible embrace, and he is faced with the heart-wrenching reality.

The sky is falling, you are holding him tightly again, and they’ve lost their years. But you’re here. With him.

He knows that this isn’t a dream as he feels the coolness of the silver band on your finger and the heaviness in how he knows he hasn’t repented a damn thing.

Why him?

As you run your hand through his hair, you press their foreheads together.

“And I do want a family with you, by the water if you’d like,” you murmur fleetingly against his mouth and his eyes widen, cheeks burning, entire face crumbling as he turns his face in to your shoulder, crushing you in another brace. Sobbing into your neck, his fingers dig into your shoulders, wrap tight around your waist, squeeze you so close he isn’t sure where you end and he begins and your lips brush the shell of his ear. “Reiner, say it.”

“Please,” he whispers thickly into your skin, and you cradle the back of his head with a hand. He’s nothing more than shambles. “Please, don’t go.”

“I’m not letting you out of my sight again,” you promise. His breath is hot against his own face as you pull his head back and cradle his face again, thumbs brushing away the tears from his red face. “Just a bit more. A bit more and then it’ll be all over, you know?”

And he understands, then, what you want from him. Struggling for breath, for his lungs to stop seizing in his aching chest, he cups your face that turns into his palm on instinct, your face wet with your own tears as, for a moment, they try to pretend this isn’t where they really are.

Like they’re still in that afternoon in Trost, a thousand years ago, with the kids flipping coins into the water fountain and a cream bun between them. Like they’re under the tree, apple juice on your wrist and his lips on yours.

Like it’s those trips to the city, the walks on the Walls. Honey is dripping down your chin and he’s pretending he doesn’t want to kiss you, or there’s grease smeared on his forehead, and you’re reaching up to wipe it off his skin.

Like a thousand moments all at once, and he nods to himself as you brush your hand over his temple. The world outside is startlingly quiet, as if the universe itself stopped everything itself to watch this moment, and Reiner takes a breath that bruises his sternum before he’s holding your left hand where that ring still sits.

And slowly, he pulls it off, whispering as firmly as he can. He’s sure he fails—he’s shaking all over from your presence alone.

“When this is over, I’ll put that ring back on your finger. I promise.”

The smile that splits your face is dazzling. It’s the smile he’s missed since the day he left it.

“We have a lot of things to work out, Reiner Braun.”

And your fingers barely brush his jaw before you’re leaning to press a sweet kiss against his mouth. It’s sugary on his tongue, like honey and apple slices.

Your back is warmer when you’re pressed up against Reiner’s. The ship is quiet, and their pinkies are just barely hooked on oen another’s as you stare blankly at the empty space between Connie’s boots. You don’t speak, and Reiner’s gaze is only on you. He can’t look at anything else now that you’re back by his side again.

There’s a cut on your cheek from the fight just half an hour ago, and there’s dried blood along your hands where your knuckles had split open, but everyone seems too exhausted to clean themselves up.

Reiner himself has a blanket pulled over his shoulders, and he sighs, slouching in his own sack of flesh.

Your head tilts towards him, enough that your temple presses against his cheek. His eyes close and he leans into your touch. Not a word passes by, but their hold on each other’s hands tightens. And Reiner thinks.

For the first time, he thinks of a future he could have, and someone who loves him, and there’s something bright in his heart. Something that hasn’t burned since he left Marley as a child.

Reiner thinks he doesn’t want to die anymore. He doesn’t want to miss you for another moment.

Raising from the steam, you groan, your hands searing from the inside out as you touch your face where you swore every inch of your skin had been stretched, but nothing seems out of sorts as you glance around. Everywhere, all your friends who had turned just as you had are in various states of disoriented. The air is still hissing, crackled with surprised screams and shouts of names as people look for one another across the field.

It smells like cooked meat and burnt hair, a none-to-pleasant mixture that turns your stomach.

Getting to your feet, you wipe at your face, trying to ignore the weird feeling underneath your nails and the ache seizing your muscles. Trying to ignore the remnants of Eren lingering like a ghost that won’t really leave you alone. You shiver, and a strange cold sweat takes over your body.

He had taken you to the sea, except it wasn’t the shore you were familiar with. There was a cabin nearby, with blonde children running, chasing after one another and a man with golden hair standing on the porch, firewood in his arms as he calls out silently. Or maybe you had been standing too far to hear.

“Eren… where are we?”

“Wherever you think you are,” he had said. “I just brought you where you wanted to be.”

A voice, quiet as a memory, catches your attention. “Here let me help.” A soft wind blows throw the mist, cooling your scorching face as you feel a presence stand behind you.

“Oh, thank you.” You look over your shoulder to see a tall boy, and your heart stops. Mouth dropping open, you stare at his foggy image, but he only smiles fully, a smile so tender it reaches every corner of you as you stumble forward, fingers stretching for him. “Bertholdt!”

His smile grows only that much more, eyes squinting a bit and a flash of teeth before he’s looking at your hand that passes through his chest. All at once, all the hope built up in your chest crumbles, and your hand snaps back, trembling just before him. He lays a hand over your own and your eyes begin to burn, tears slipping down your cheeks.

And then, softly, you barely whisper, “I miss you.”

Bertholdt’s smile merely grows, as if to say everything he couldn’t say before. As if to show he’s at peace now—that your last memory together isn’t every part of him, and your lips press together, trying to stop yourself from shaking.

Shadows form in the fog, and together, the two look as a freckled boy and another girl steps out of the mist a distance away, beaming like the sun. Connie and Jean stagger to their feet just behind you, and your heart lurches into your throat when you recognize them.

“Marco! Sasha!”

Someone calls your name and you turn around just as arms scoop you up and you let out a surprised noise before settling into Reiner’s arms. Looking over your shoulder to look at Bertholdt, your heart only sinks.

He smiles and Reiner lets out a sharp breath beside you, settling you down. “Bertholdt…” More shapes emerge. A shorter boy accompanied by another taller one, both alike in their features. You recognize one as the Jaw Titan holder before Falco, but the other—

“Marcel!” Reiner chokes out the name, hand stretching out to the fog, but the boy merely tilts his head and waves.

Closing your eyes, hot tears streak over your cooling flesh as you fling your arms around Reiner again and press your face into his neck. He cradles the back of your head, and he feels… somehow weaker, but still, there is that impassable strength in his core that wraps around you as he watches over your shoulder, still clinging on despite your clothes hot enough to burn.

I’m alive, I’m alive, I’m alive, I’m alive. It’s the only thought in your head. Your last clear memory had truly been the others taking flight, and the pain that had ripped apart your body before sewing it back together again in unjust proportions. Your limbs had been too big, your blood racing too warmly through your head as your legs pumped but your brain screamed to stop.

Your fingers had sank into Reiner’s legs to pull him down and you had watched—watched Jean take a bite out of him—

You shiver and Reiner’s arms tighten around you instinctively, constricting enough to let you know that his attention isn’t on you quite yet.

Boots shifting on the ground tentatively, your knees feel gummy as you draw back long enough to look at him. He still looks over your shoulder, and you follow his gaze to watch the mist retreat. Bertholdt and the other two boys fall into a pool of fog, and your lips part in a farewell, but it’s already too late.

He’s gone.

A wind sweeps through the battlefield, tickling your sweating neck and cooling your boiling blood.

“Hey,” a soft voice croaks.

Their eyes meet in tandem. He regards you softly, like you are the reason the sun rises and the stars hang at the sky. Overwhelmed, you can only cup the back of his neck and pull him into a deep kiss. Your other hand along his jaw, it takes all you can not to pull him into a bone-crushing embrace that’ll send them both to the ground.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry,” you whisper hushedly against his mouth, throat swelling as he lets out a soft noise of surprise as you pull him into another tight hug. You don’t care that you’re crushing him, just that his heart is pounding against your own chest. “I couldn’t stop myself. I’m so sorry.”

His eyes widening, he wraps his hands around your wrists and pulling you back just enough to kiss your fingers that crumple against his mouth. Clasping one of his hands in both of your own, you close your eyes and he uses his free fingers to brush the tears off your cheek before reaching into some dented tin you don’t recognize.

Eyebrows furrowing, you feel the heat leave your entire body, sapping your energy too, and your eyes snap to Reiner who steps back, cracking it open and presenting it to you.

“You’re not the one who has to be sorry. I don’t think I’m the Armoured Titan anymore,” he whispers. “I don’t know if I get the rest of my life back, but either way, I want to spend the rest of it repenting to you in any way I can, if you’ll allow me to.” A weak smile. “Truth.”

Your throat closes up, and you stare down at the ring so protected, gleaming despite the destruction around them. It looks almost out of place amongst the grime smearing your skin, the sweat drenching their skin, the smell of blood and metal clinging to their clothes, but Reiner only watches you with a tenderness you can barely meet. It’s so overtly overflowing with devotion that your heart is resting on your tongue, seizing control of everything.

You barely nod, chewing on your lip, trying not to cry even harder as his eyebrows rise in relief and he lets out a long sigh.

He lifts the ring out of the tin, snapping it closed before sliding the band back home onto your finger and all at once, everything floods you. The exhaustion, the pain, the hunger, thirst, grief wrapping around your bones and chaining you to the ground.

It’s over.

The minute he put the ring on your finger, it would mean it was over. No more blood, no more fighting.

Just like he promised.

You barely croak out his name before you fall to your knees. You trust him to catch you, and he does.

[THREE YEARS LATER]

Just after the Rumbling had stopped, you had gone back to Paradis alone and came back with three children to a man who was still uncertain in a world that was changing.

Since then, you’ve learned so much about the world, about yourself, about Reiner.

How he’s seized by night terrors even now, just like you, and how one thing that soothes it is going out for a walk while the sun still simmers below the horizon, the sky a dark navy blue spliced with orange rays. The intricate details like him making a point to tie his own tie because his father never taught him how or the way he has to chug his coffee so he has enough energy to get through the day.

And some days are horrible, haunting, but now, it is far outweighed by the good. He teaches Xav how to dress smart, takes the girls out shopping. Sometimes, he’s spotted around Liberio with a flame-haired boy riding his shoulders, you trailing behind hiding a smile behind some ice-cream.

Different nations, foods, cultures surround you now—citizens of countries coming to settle down roots, spread cuisine to Marley. The idea before, of humans so different than you but still similar at the root of it all, existing, still blows your mind. The technologies that you had never seen before, languages you’d never heard, sights you’d never seen, had all swarmed you as you stepped into a new world with him.

But there is always one thing you’ll come back to.

Leaning against the railing in the port city Reiner told you was the harbour he had left twelve years ago, and returned to seven years ago, you watch the clouds travel in slow drags across the pale blue canvas hung high above your head. The water spans for as far as you can see, glimmering under the sun and gorgeous enough to take your breath away. You pull at your coat across your chest absently, ignoring the tender growl of your stomach.

Breathing in the salty wind, you feel your chest expand at the litle fishing boats a little ways out.

Reiner was right. You don’t get sick of the sea. You never will—not of this much water. You still remember the first time you had swam in it, the salt-water making your hair crisp, the cold sweat forming on your your sun-warmed skin.

You feel a hand on your shoulder. Looking up, you spot blonde hair and warm eyes and smile. Your heart flutters a bit. You shift on your feet.

“Hey.”

“Hey.” Reiner leans down beside you, and you clasp your hands, letting the sea wind curl against your neck. Reaching to slip his hand in between yours, he sighs and you lean against his shoulder, glancing at their pile of interlaced fingers. “Are you okay?”

“Of course,” you whisper, although even still, you can feel a numbing at your fingertips. You remember what it was like to be a Titan, even now. The sensations haunt you—flashes of your own mutated body, the grotesque meat of your hands sinking into the ankles of the man beside you, the bloodcurdling roar spilling out of your throat.

Glancing at their fingers, you watch the flashes of silver of the rings play in the sunlight, your band now having a matching counterpart on his own hand. You grasp his hands tightly, bringing them up to your lips and his own grip tightens when you dust a kiss gently along his scarred knuckles.

“No,” you finally say at length. “I’m not okay. Going back to Paradis makes me nervous as hell, but we’ll manage.” He nods slowly, and you let go of his hands to wrap your arms around his neck. His own encircle your waist, pulling you flush against him and your eyes close at the familiar warmth—a warmth you’ve woken up next to most days for the past three years.

“Have you eaten yet?” he murmurs, and your fingers play with the soft edges teasing at your pads as his nose presses against your cheek. Your eyes flutter at the soft heat emanating from his skin, and you shake your head, melting against him. With one arm still around you, he slants his body away from just enough to pull a bag out of his pocket and it crinkles as he hands it to you. Taking it, you frown and look inside.

A cream bun. You can’t help the crumbling in your expression and Reiner holds your face in his hands carefully, kissing the corner of your mouth.

“Let’s stay positive,” he whispers. “We don’t know the situation until we get there and Historia briefs us.”

“I know,” you whisper and his entire expression eases at your words. His eyes gaze at you as if you’re the sole centre of his universe, and he cups your jaw more insistently, pulling you in for a gentle kiss, one you ease into, your eyes fluttering shut as his tongue traces the seam of your mouth. Laughing, you feel his little nose scrunch and your heart bounds up into your throat as he pulls back only to kiss you again, softer this time.

“Get a room!” A sharp female voice ruins their moment and you pull back just enough to see a red-headed boy running towards them and Reiner crouches down just in time to scoop Xavier up.

“When are you getting married?” he demands. “I was promised cake when you guys got married.”

“I dunno. When you move out of the house I guess,” you tease and Xavier pouts, rubbing at the side of his nose with the heel of his palm.

“Besides, you got cake for your seventh birthday, buddy,” Reiner groans as the boy twists in his arms. “You’re getting heavy. What are you feeding him?” he adds, smiling roguishly at you and you roll your eyes as Alina and Anya approach, sun hats protecting them from the glaring sun. Alina, grocery bags in hand, waves. Anya, who’d been the one to shout, tucks her coin purse back into her bag before flashing you a great big smile.

Only fifteen and seventeen. You can barely recall what it’s like being that young anymore, but you’re grateful they didn’t spend it the way you did. They get to know beauty, and no limits at all. The former comes naturally, the latter is partially because Reiner spoils them rotten.

Alina picks a flower with velvety purple petals from a bouquet she cradles in her arm, extending it to you.

“For good luck,” she says. “And protection.” Your heart melts at her words and you pause for a moment, looking from the gorgeous bloom to Reiner, occupied with the boy in his arms making silly faces at him. Then, without another moment, you sneak the flower behind his ear and he reaches up immediately to hold it against his head, turning to you in surprise.

“To protect the both of us,” you explain.

“Thank you. I’ll be extra careful now.” He looks at the girls, setting his free hand on Alina’s head heavily and she flushes, smiling grandly. “You three behave while we’re gone, alright?”

You nod. “Listen to Levi.”

“And listen to your sister,” Reiner adds to Alina and Xavier. The former rolls her eyes, the latter sticks out his tongue. “I’ll miss you.”

This is their home—their family that tumbles together into a huge hug, and you can’t help but stand back, watching how they all seem to merge into one unit, unaware of where one part of their reach ends and another begins.

As Reiner pulls you into the hug, your heart soars through your body, effortlessly pounding in your throat and in your fingers and everywhere at once. Liquid heat pools everywhere as Xavier screws up his face when you kiss his cheek, the same way Reiner does after he’s eaten something sour.

And maybe it’s a bit different, or a bit broken, the shards of their bloody history still poking at their heels whenever they think you’ve forgotten them, and it’s most definitely not perfect, but you would rather have it like this then anything else.

“Hey, guys!” Breaking apart, the family look over to see Armin, Annie, and Pieck walking over. Gabi and Falco meander a little bit behind, pushing Levi in his wheelchair, and Jean and Connie are running not far behind them, shouting at one another. You stifle a laugh and Xavier shimmies out of Reiner’s hold to run towards them. The girls follow after him, trying to hold back their runs but the closer they get, you can tell the more frantic they are to say goodbye.

So this is what they’ve made a peace. Something, you hope, is good.

Annie bypasses them quickly, making her way over to you and you survey her face as Reiner squeezes your shoulder, walking over to their friends. Her blue eyes are fixed on your face, and you feel your lips curving into a smile as she shoves her hands in her pockets. Her hair is swaying in the wind, gleaming flaxen, and you remind yourself, not for the first time, that Armin and Annie’s kids, if they ever decide they want them, will be gorgeous.

Hope for the future, and all that.

She stops in front of you, tucking a strand behind her ear.

“So,” she says at length, “we’re going back to Paradis. I’m surprised you decided to come with us. You don’t owe any of us anything.”

“I know. But… you’re my best friend. You do the talking, I fly the getaway plane, right?”

“Yeah. There used to be a time when it probably would’ve been the opposite.”

You nod, and they stand in silence for a moment, watching each other. Two women who should not have been friends, but were against all odds. You don’t think you would be here today if it weren’t for Annie.

Your heart lurches and you take a step forward just as she does, her mouth open to say something. You throw your arms around her and she lets out a noise in surprise as you close your eyes. Arms coming underneath yours, her hands dig into your shoulders and you smile against soft hair as she sighs, easing into your hug.

“Finally working together on an actual assignment,” you mumble and her head tilts as her small frame shifts, a hand patting you on the back as a sign for you to back up. “Just like we always said we would.”

Bluntly: “Just don’t do anything stupid.”

“You, too.” Pulling back, the two look at one another for another soft moment before you remember the bag in your hand and you shift the bun up in the bag, extending it towards her. “Want some?” Her eyebrows rise in faint delight, before she’s reaching over, pinching and tearing a piece off.

You grin and do the same and you gesture for her to come stand by the rails with you, stuffing the bag into your coat pocket. Leaning against the warm metal again, you hear a seagull call. The plane you’ll be flying to Paradis floats on the water, the technicians giving it the final check before you take off.

If anything goes wrong while you help prepare and oversee accommodations for the rest of the ambassador group, you’ll remember to fire the black signal flare, but you trust Historia. You trust your friends.

You glance over at them, all laughing, and you notice that the flower has gone from Reiner to Pieck, who’s taking it out of her dark hair to tuck it into Jean’s, and his cheeks redden as he brushes it more securely behind his ear.

Annie catches your attention again, pointing out idly that they’ll have to separate soon when they finish with the plane, and you tell her to just wait a couple minutes more as Reiner catches your gaze. Setting Xav, who has somehow wormed his way back into his arms, down, he walks back over to you, and his hand trails purposefully over your back before resting at the nape of your neck, a reassuring weight on your body.

“You guys okay?”

“We’re fine,” Annie replies. “You have a clingy boyfriend,” she tells you.

“I think it’s charming.”

She rolls her eyes. Reiner smiles, and you pat the railing beside you—silent invitation. He leans in on your other side, clasping his hands and watching the fishermen pull themselves to shore, singing a tune to each other—one familiar to all three of them and one that you wish you could get out of your head.

“Soon may the Wellerman come…”

A faint breeze tickling at your fingertips as a sharp call for embarkment splits the harbour, you simply sigh and look over at Reiner. “I just want these last few moments to last.” His eyes meet yours, and he leans forward to press a kiss between your eyes. Annie lets out a soft noise of disgust and you bump your hip against her as Reiner pulls back.

Closing your eyes and lifting your head to the wind, you can almost imagine the one person missing standing on the other side of Annie, dark hair like spun, stained bronze and eyes like warm chocolate. He’d smile and tell them not to worry in that sincere way of his that makes you believe every word he says—as long as they were careful, they wouldn’t walk into any traps.

Your chest aches, and your lips tug into a heart-wrenching smile as you begin to sing along. Reiner slips a hand in between yours, pressing his temple against your head and you loop your other arm through Annie’s.

She rests her head on your shoulder, listening to your voice, eyes on the sailors bringing in their haul below them. Reiner hums the shanty softly, distractedly, eyes cast across the sea.

You tilt your head up to the sky, at the stars you cannot see but will join one day, and smile.

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tiens-letters · 3 years

Text

upon autumns day, where you and I met. upon autumns day where I remember all of what we were before youve passed. and upon autumns day would I have ever so slowly let go of that pain of the past

zhongli (angst)

@albeidoof its somewhere here hehehe

Time was a luxury. A treasure each and everything holds.

Yet time is a curse as well. It covets, devours and leaves. which humanity neglects to cherish until the heart ceases its steady rythmn, only then do they regret of the wasted minutes, hours and seconds.

Beneath the flow of the rushing waves of things that have come and gone. Only on this particular day would he sit beneath a certain tree. The rough bark brushing up against his back as leaves fell effortlessly to the ground, as if it were ready to let go of from the branches that gave birth to it, only to return once again to the waiting soil.

It was a sunny afternoon, clear of any clouds and only clear unblemished blue, a good time to enjoy a warm cup of tea yet there was no energy in his bones to even move from where he was.

He felt exhausted. Desultory even.

Gone were the halcyon days of the past, and now the present time of the vivid reality he had to face.

Morax, rex lapis, the geo archon. Names that weighted more than one could carry, memories that shackled his soul that lived for a thousand years on end, all but a stain that could never be washed away.

The breeze slowly danced in, playing with his hair softly, kissing his skin and welcoming him. It carried a hint of aromatic essence only he would know belongs to.

You.

He tried to desperately recount the days after youve left the face of the earth and yet he could not remember or did his mind not allow him to as if he did, it would bring him terrible and heavy consequences for an answer, one sane mind would never want to know.

Sighing, he sat back and recalled back the memories of you instead. When you were alive, warm and breathing in his arms. He remembers the way your eyes would shine brightly whenever he would be around, or the small sound of delight you would make when you have finished another one of the many interesting blends of tea youve done over the course of a week of mixing different flowers and tea leaves. Youve made up quite the fortune with this as your little hobby bloomed into a fully run business known across teyvat.

"Zhongli." he froze, youve never called him by his name ever since youve started getting close, it made him feal uneasy as he turned to look at you who stood by the doorway, a neutral look on your face.

"y-yes?" nervousness clawed at him as he racked his brain to what he couldve done for you to call his name like that, he couldnt think of any.

"I came back from the market and I heard youve made quite the generous payment. Why is that, I wonder?" he's done it again, that spending habit of his

"The price was reasonable for such a fine ceramic tea set, I dont seem to find why it shouldnt reflect its quality?" you sighed as you pointed towards the glass cupboard behind him

"You bought the same exact set a week ago, Zhongli. Thats why." having to realize his mistake after looking over the two identical set that on the shelf, he turned to apologize but only to see you missing from the doorway. Footsteps can be heard from the floorboards above him. You were upset.

After minutes of pacing in the living room, he finally mustered the courage to climb the stairs and enter your shared bedroom. A figure already under the sheets as the warm glow of the lamp illuminated your delicate features. The mattress sunk as he sat beside you, fingers brushing away the stray hair that fell on your face.

"Im still mad at you Zhongli." his hand flinched slightly at the way you called him

"I apologize. I seem to not have learned my lesson again. I would gladly return the set tomorrow."

"Its no use, they dont accept refunds." you replied without sparing a glance at him

"What can I do for you to forgive me then?"

"Just go to sleep, Zhongli." groaning you reached for the switch to shut the lamp off but a gentle grip stopped you, forcing you to look at his gloomy expression. Perhaps you went too far this time.

"Please stop calling me in that way. I dont like it." he whispers, drawing your palm to his lips, leaving small kisses upon it. He sure does know his way around your heart, no wonder why you could not stay mad at him.

"Just be mindful next time." you cursed yourself for being weak to his charms.

"I will." yet something was missing "Then can you call me as you did before?"

"Zhongli?" you could see the slight grimace in his face as you teased him

"Stop it." he kissed you without warning "Call me as you did before."

However, his lips didnt stop as they began to travel. From your cheeks to you forehead and then to your neck. Oh dear, he wasnt having any of your teasing.

"A-li." you giggled beneath him as he finally stopped and met your gaze

"Thats better."

He still remembers the faint smile that graced your lips whenever he would wake up next to you tangled in the same sheets. The softness of your skin on his calloused touch. Your lips melting his and your voice lulling his raging mind to peace.

Then everything changed when you drew blood that spilled from those lips he's kissed for a thousand times, painting a morbid image on the sheets. Anger and despair boiled inside of him once he learned of the secret youve kept. Zhongli was a calm and collected man all of the time except when he was with you.

Having to witness him at such a point felt as if his own spear was being driven right through his very chest. He held you in an arms width away, the panic and pain in his eyes increasing over the minute as he begged for you to explain why youve decided to lie about the flowers that bloomed in your lungs, the sickness youve inherited from your deceased mother, whose fate you soon would follow. You didnt want him to find out, not in this way.

He couldve done anything if he knew from the start but alas, you wanted to be cruel, thinking it was for the best. Until your symptoms persisted, a heavy reminder of the remaining distance of the string you have to walk on to reach the end. The heavy feeling in your chest started to worsen as cherry sweet liquid poured from your mouth.

Soon the once pristine sheets were stained in haunting crimson shades as you heaved and he watched in agony. If only he had the ability of what he once had back then, if only he could plant the seeds of the flowers from yours to his then he would, if only he hadnt met you one autumn evening

" please dont look at me like that. " you told him, cold hands caressing his cheeks, catching the streams of salty warm beads that fell freely from your darling's amber eyes.

"Im sorry. Im so sorry..." the last thing you wanted to see was this man to cry. The last thing you wanted to see was to see him relive the past tragic memories you promised to bring him out of

" my disease has nothing to do with you. In the end it was mine alone to handle. oh, you are far from that so please dont you ever blame yourself."

"How can I not? If I havent fallen so deep then you would experienced so much more in life, you couldve been happier if you met someone else. Yet you chose me and I couldnt give you anything, I--. " the words knotted up as he began to shake, hands holding yours as knuckles turned to white

You slapped him.

With all the strength youve gathered in that fading body of yours. The sound cutting the grieving sounds that spilled from him, soul and flesh alike.

"A-li, look at me. Do I look like someone whose unsatisfied with what youve given me? Did my smile ever fade when Im with you? Did your affections ever lack? Answer me." his watery gaze met yours, a torrent of emotions swimming in them

"No. Never." a soft smile was carved unto your lips

"My dear, youve given me all Ive ever wanted in this life and I regret nothing of it."

To him, you were the flower that bloomed at the highest peak of the mountain he's never reached and yet its petals voluntarily detached and fell down, making him the happiest as one thing he's admired was untouchable and now, lay softly in the palm of his hands. To cherish and to protect.

But of course, all things are evanescent.

The familiar feeling of soreness that wasnt supposed to be there rose, ebbed and flowed through his throat. He knew it all too well, it was after he woke from his week long slumber did he feel it along with what his ancient beating heart felt.

"You collapsed." the worried words of the qixing echoed in his head. He frantically got up but as soon as his feet touched the floor did his legs give out underneath him, what use was he in this sorry state. He was helped up and sat back on the edge of the bed.

He wanted to ask many things yet was unable to.

Ningguang spoke as if you were still breathing and was visiting her minutes ago with another one of your tea blends. "Dont worry and rest first, go to jueyun karst after. They will be waiting."

To where the adepti resides, who as well, favored you, that one soul among thousands of others. One to which they shared a few good memories with was allowed to slumber there in peace.

Zhongli found himself waking up to the sun setting in the horizon. Just like how youve gone and resurfaced back into his memories. It was time.

He stood up from where he sat, gloved hands brushing any dirt that clung to him as he made his way to where you slept.

The red bean that was planted by himself still remained, a token of his love for you. Picking one bead and placing it inside the hollow dice he brought along, completing another one of the similar handicraft he's made every visit.

The sun finally died and the moon began its reign. The small wisps of light gathered around before him, forming a blurry image.

It was then he felt at ease, he saw you smiling at him with all there is in the world. Your light seemed to dim a little, hinting the blessing the adepti gave was slowly diminishing. Soon your visits would cease and you were sure that by the end of the power spent, he wouldve let go of the torment that plagued him.

"A-li. Have you been well?" he knew what you meant

"Im letting go slowly my dear. Perhaps in time, I would learn breathe easily once again."

Longest yet lol. Hope yall liked it ehehe

#genshin impact #genshin impact angst #genshin impact x reader #zhongli #zhonglixreader #genshin impact drabbles #zhongli angst #morax

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sanchoyo · 3 years

Text

danny phantom episode 4-7 Thoughts: (under a readmore because, these got kinda long!)

-the outfit danny had to buy for dash's party. CLASSIC 2000S i cannot stop laughing. And also showing up to the party and everyone is dressed like the trio is hilarious. and further proof that everyone looks good dressed goth.

-dash has a closet full of cute lil bear plushies?? LOVE that. adorable. also his response to danny trashing his room fighting a ghost was SO valid if somone BROKE MY BED IN HALF ID BE PISSED TOO.

-technus being like 'oh smart, u should be a tutor!' then later being like 'forget tutor, be a teacher!' :) supportive king <3 I also really like his upgraded suit/design. AND SPOCK CAMEO??? HELLO??

-the music in this show is super. its so funky. I looked it up and the guy who does it, guy moon (awesome name) also did music for other cartoons like fairly odd parents, barnyard, chalkzone, billy & mandy, AND some actual movies like FIGHT CLUB??? the whiplash I got from reading that)

-sam being rich explains a lot about her, actually.

-I know the moral of the episode was supposed to be 'dont ditch your friends for popular people/spend a lot of money on clothes that arent You to Fit In'. but tbh. it wouldve been easy for danny to have been like 'well, okay, ill come but only if my friends can!' but I get. that hes 14. so. not a lot to say there.

-BOX GHOST IS BACK!!!!! also, danny sitting up and wearing the dress/wig/makeup. umm thats how I dress everyday LMFAO. unironically me. (hate the jokes that boil down to 'haha funney man in dress' tho. but this is a look)

-jazz being protective of her brother once again being like NOOO YOU GUYS BETTER NOT STAKE OUT HIS (actually haunted) LOCKER!! shes aware of how people perceive him and she wants to help :( which is also probably why she told dash to invite him to that party even tho she had no interest in going!! she wants to help him out :(

-gotta say im with tucker on the whole 'should danny use his powers to get back at bullies' debate. 100% yes. let him teach kids to fight back. making dash throw his food at paulina out of the blue? no. but when hes actually about to pick on someone? yeah! for self defense? YEAH! if dash and his friends just threw food at him, I think rather than. idk doing sneaky shit with frogs he couldve just threw it back and not pulled punches if they tried to fight. I kNOOWWW its a kids show so they are like 'if u fight back ur just as bad!! violence bad!!' but. theyre HIS POWERS. WHO CARES.

-like my only gripe is that dash really isnt LEARNING ANYTHING WHEN DANNY GETS BACK AT HIM IN THE MOST PETTY INDIRECT WAYS. whatever they had to add a bully psa episode I guess. I hate it and I hate the way cartoons usually handle it because these methods simply Do Not Work. 'aND YouRE USinG YOur poWErs FOR EVill???!' this is Not Evil. even when poindexter takes dannys body, theyre only being 'nice' bc hes stealing soda for them!! bitches deserve what they get (nothing too brutal bc theyre high schoolers but damn, if they pick on danny he doesnt need to be the 'bigger person' he needs to start biting people)

-SAM TRYING TO SMUGGLE FROGS OUT OF THE BIO LAB?? girl in middle school when we had to dissect frogs we could opt out, also, they came to us already dead and preserved...

-sidney's lingo and the fact hes in black and white is sending me. also, danny is a ghost celebrity apparently for being a halfa?? ok. thats interesting to know

-the DENTIST BEING EXCITED ABOUT THE COTTON CANDY FLOOD IS THE FUNNIEST THING SO FAR.

-I LOOOVE the trope of 'wishes gone wrong'. not crazy about the stereotypical genie, or the use of the dreamcatcher looking design. (also, I KNOW theyre scientists but the way theyre handling a cold...are the fentons ANTIVAX)

-the genie. she. whitewished paulina. JKASDFHKJ. (the ghost literally just being hello kitty???? im dying) 'why do i feel that im special and wonderful? because I AM! <3' paulina ilu self worth queen. felt bad for her also getting possessed by (2) boys later who were arguing INSIDE HER. WTF.

-imagine being the guy trapped in his now flying car. he thought danny and tucker were HALUCINATIONS. imagine being trapped in a flying car with two, what you think are imaginary arguing 14 year olds convinced ur gonna die. i WOULD say this dude is gonna need so much therapy, but he seemed totally fine and excited when they landed (I would be happy too if a chicken was on my head. chickens rule) stoner rights

-sam's bat slippers??? iconic. SO cute.

-I think desiree's backstory is so :( do all ghosts have messed up sad backstories?? poindexter's was sad too...cannot imagine box ghost has any kind of fucked up backstory. but what if. his mom got pushed off cliffs by boxes...........a la cruella... anyway her 'no man may lay a hand on me' iconic. ilu

-I know danny has no concept of how much bras cost but my god dont attack tucker with some girls bra. those are so expensive.

-its really. well its not a GOOD THING he went into the portal and got fucked up, but its good danny was the one to do it rather than sam or tucker. because even tho he was being influenced by desiree and kept getting more malicious and it prob wasnt 100% him...he sucked as a ghost like most the people he 'pranked' were innocent ppl just Chillin and he didnt want to help anyone at all. I think danny is the most responsible out of them but also, hes 14 and shouldnt HAVE to feel obligated to fight every ghost. hes a good kid and wants to, but I also feel like he feels like...responsible for the portal turning on?? because his parents did give it up,, but it was an accident and not his fault (if anything, why was the on switch on the inside. why was it that easy. why was there no safety measures. that seems like smth OSHA needs to hear about). like thats my son. hes a good boy. and hes never done anything wrong in his life, ever. if anyone hurts him im killing everyone in this room and then myself. etc.

-danny's curfew is 10PM????? DUDE. when I was 14...shit I couldn't be out that late, I had to be back at like, 8 at the latest, and my parents had to know exactly where and who I was going with, AND i had to call/text them regularly...is this a case of my parents being overbearing, or the fentons sucking??? the only time i could EVER be out that late was if I was at an overnight sleepover or smth...

-the vultures have lil fezes. why do they have fezes...theyre so fuckin funny 'ask him for directions' 'I KNOW WHERE IM GOING' these ghost vultures are my new grandpas. pick them up, put them in the adopt box.

-'I wonder why those guys were trying to waste dad!' THEYRE GHOSTS. YOUR DAD HUNTS GHOSTS. why is that not a conclusion you'd immediately jump to??

-*jazz voice, clearly disgusted* WISCONSIN???

-mrs fenton with the lab coat and leg warmers and PERM. YESSS STYLISH.

-was going to say 'ew billionaire' @vlad but. super valid he used his powers to assumedly steal and cheat to get that money, thats how all billionaires do it! but ew hes a SIMP. and spending your billions on FOOTBALL STUFF?? you are Not Valid overall. I DO respect the fact you have a castle instead of a mansion. in wisconsin. if youre going to be stupidly rich might as well go all out, torches on the wall and all. I DO like his ghost form's little kitty ears. catman. and his cape! every design can benefit from a cape. and how different his forms look, like danny looks the EXACT SAME IN BOTH FORMS ASIDE FROM COLOR CHANGES. vlad's is like,, I could believe they were different people!! also I love the drama. but dude you are fighting a 14 year old. lame. also he was like, telling danny he wanted his mom and him and like, wanted him to renounce his dad?? WHAT ABOUT JAZZ?? bitch. those r MY kids and they are both important and special. I do agree they need better parents but thats not u sir <3

-I thought vlad's 'little badger' nickname for danny came from the football mascot of the packers, but google says they have NO MASCOT?? so now I'm like?? is it because his hair is sometimes black and sometimes white?? I hate to give him props but thats a PERFECT NICKNAME. theyre also tiny and vicious!

-why did I get so excited that Skulker is back!! its been like. 2-3 eps LMAO. AND THE DAIRY KING. ICONIC I LOVE HIM. hes the nicest guy ever :) more nice ghosts please. danny cannot be fighting alone everytime with no ghost buds like every ghost being hostile sucks :(

-mr. fenton knew vlad was controlling him, but a few episodes ago he had no clue danny was doing the same thing...is it something about how malicious the ghost is?? he just seemed to think his memory had gaps the first time, this time he was INSTANTLY LIKE 'GHOST'. then again in this ep when danny did it again he was just slightly confused but not immediately freaking out like he did with vlad possessing him!!

-'my parents will accept ME NO MATTER WHAT' so. so why haven't you come out to them yet, danny?? if you really think that?? if theres no harm, and you're sure??? if vlad is a real problem, wouldnt that make dealing with him easier, to expose him???? SO WHY HAVENT YOU COME OUT YET?? COULD IT BE,, MAYBE YOU HAVE DOUBTS ABOUT WHETHER YOUR PARENTS ACTUALLY WILL ACCEPT YOU??? 🤔 ... 🏳‍🌈 I get why people say He Is Trans. I totally totally get u danny.

-sorta unrelated, but it just occurred to me in one of these eps they go to casper HIGH not casper middle school??? theyre 14?? dont highschools usually do ages 15-18? (I didnt go to hs so I might be wrong, if I am ignore this...) freshmen are usually 14-15, could just be a case of them not turning 15 yet but they will sometime in the school year (I say they because tucker said he was 14 too)? I know the show has 3 seasons, so by the end of it will they be older? thatd be neat but usually cartoon characters stay the same age...I love shows where you can see the characters age and grow up, though...three seasons seems like a long time to spend on like, 1 year...

#sanchoyorambles #danny phantom #me on the first post:#its not a liveblog!#me this time: it kinda is. but not in the same format as my tmm one #i like doing one post for a handful of eps bc it saves time #and crowds my blog less #and also i just like talking abt what im watching lol #dp thoughts

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spacedlexi · 3 years

Note

hey! what's ur opinion on season 2? i saw you stream some of it but not for long bc i forgot my twitch password. fav characters? fav ending? any way you wished the story played out instead?

ok im gonna answer this in like a bulleted way to avoid rambling too much (THIS DID GET LONG THO...). i answered some of this during my stream so i'll be repeating myself a little bit from there. i’ll put it under a read more for everyones sanity

general opinion:

- i dont think its great (or even all that good) but ive played/watched much worse so *shrug* it couldve been worse. playing it with a group makes it way more bearable and even funny aha so i definitely had more fun streaming it than i did playing it on my own

- wouldve been better JUST by handling clem as the player character differently. it wouldnt have solved All of its problems but it wouldve been less...annoying.... clem needed to have more agency. she was always being ordered around by dumb adults who didnt seem to care for her safety. the adults needed to take more initiative and clem (as the PC) couldve just defied orders/interjected into convos/done her own thing. this wouldve 1) given the player more agency 2) wouldve been a contrast to everyone relying on lee in s1 (couldve had everyone telling clem to stay out of the way since shes just a kid) and 3) made the adults of the group seem less...useless...since they instead are just constantly relying on an 11 year old to do everything. like do more stuff like the "clem locked in a shed and escapes into the house to steal supplies to patch herself up" thing. even tho it was ridiculous that they locked her in a shed it still gave her agency and was an opportunity to rebel and prove her resiliency/smarts/ability against the poor decisions made by the adults around her who think they know whats best

fave characters:

-none lol

- ok im joking but like only half joking. i liked sarita!! if i had to pick a non-clem character (and thats what youre asking) itd be sarita. she had a strong will/didnt take shit and was also very sweet (and cute i think shes cute hehe especially with her little nose stud)

- my dislike for most of the cast really derives from weak writing and ties back into all these adults constantly relying on an 11 year old to do everything for them

- alvin was ok and i warmed up to rebecca after she stopped being mean to clem for no reason. luke was....Fine after the first episode or 2 but gets way too much credit from people for some reason. sarah was also fine she mainly suffered from weak writing. jane was ok at first but she progressively pissed me off...

- ttg has a problem with giving determinate characters really...Any development at all which is a shame but is unfortunately a byproduct of having a budget and a deadline. if you dont know if a character will be around or not, its not wise to spend time/resources on them when it can go towards characters you know Will be around. they handle this better in s4 by saving determinate routes for the final ep. a bit underwhelming to save it for the end but at least they used it to focus on determinant endings instead in s4. its hard so i try to cut game studios a little slack with that stuff. but unfortunately it made nick and sarah pretty underwhelming characters who lacked really any arc or relevancy at all...

favorite ending:

- wellington ending i GUESS??? ive chosen all of them at least once (except for clem alone ending just because i dont want her to have to be on her own with a newborn baby at 11 years old). honestly the choice at the end of s2 is a little difficult for me to make but usually comes down to the fact that jane risked ajs life to prove a point we already knew. which was that kenny was a man on the edge holding on by the universes thinnest thread. i cant trust jane to put clem first and by her flashback scene in s3 i was right not to trust her lol. i do love that aj tattoo clem gets from the jane route tho...ive literally chosen that ending Just for the tattoo before lol

- also the wellington ending keeps clem from hugging or kissing gabe SHDSHHSJ so that really seals the deal for me lmaooooooo youre too good for him bby

play out differently?:

- honestly not..really?? but thats mainly because i dont think or care enough about s2 to think up whole other plotlines...

- someone in the stream chat mentioned that s2 went through rewrites after some scripts/episodes got leaked or something which ALWAYS IS A BAD DECISION and makes me so so disappointed and frustrated. it always negatively impacts a story to put it through rewrites just to counter "spoilers". so i definitely think s2 suffered from that decision. the question is just how much did they rewrite? was s2 always weak or did it mainly suffer due to unnecessary rewrites? what a shame.

- the kenny/luke showdown wouldve had more of a natural buildup than the kenny/jane showdown did. and the arvo stuff was soooooo duuuumbbb and annoying. someone in chat made the point that it wouldve been more interesting if the group that attacks them was the 400 days crew looking for revenge from howes and i definitely agree!! wouldve given that group more relevancy instead of just seeing them as like little easter eggs....

- sarah also had a lot of wasted potential. im assuming they were trying to make some "shes how clem would be if lee never taught her to defend herself" point but i dont agree with it?? because clem was already protecting herself in her treehouse with that hammer before lee even found her. they just didnt know how to handle a character with anxiety very well and it shows. at least they do a better job with brody in s4 (i love brody 💕). they also try to pull another weird character foil "this is how clem would be if she was brainwashed" with minnie in s4 but i dont agree with that one either (clem would be the sophie who dies fighting in that scenario lets be honest with ourselves clem could never be brainwashed shes too smart and strong willed "you gave up minerva. i never will")(they needed to stop with the character foils because they even tried to pull it with FUCKING C A R VE R “we’re not so different” sir im 11)

OK I THINK thats all i have to say. im sure i made other points throughout the stream but yeah these are the ones that stand out to me enough to talk about here

#replies with lexi #incognito #the walking dead game #i wrote this as a draft on my phone and this whole answer almost got lost ohhhhhhh my god that gave me a heart attack #sorry im late to responding to this anon i forgot abt mothers day hsfjsd

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pogaytosalad · 3 years

Text

Heres a wip of a sequel.

Dmviolence, by jade

Hello, if youre hearing this, it probably means im dead. Either that, or im alive and just got tired of keeping this hidden. You might remember my voice from a previous recording about a takeover in sector ⬽:➻, in which id helped prevent total annihilation of the sector. At the time i was unnamed, however now you may call me Kalton. After the takeover i resigned and moved to a job at a dmv. This planet was, for some reason, in one of the most tactically advantageous locations in the galaxy. And for some reason the higher ups dedicated the whole damn planet to dmvs. Dont ask why. Now, onto the story.

I woke up, and i put on my emerald green contact lenses. Just like any other day. I put on a basic white t-shirt and a leather bomber jacket along with a pair of jean shorts. If you cant tell by now, im gay.

I live in a small apartment. By small apartment i mean a bedroom, a bathroom and a kitchen all crammed into 2 rooms. I hopped out the bedroom window onto my motorcycle. It was a diamond white motorcycle with deep red stripes along the sides and the handlebars. My pride and joy. I put on my jet black helmet and took off towards my job at the, you guessed it, dmv.

Chapter 2

I pulled up in the parking lot and took off my helmet, my blue hair a total rats nest. The doors were push doors, yet i somehow ALWAYS pulled first. I entered the dmv and went to my station. A few hours passed by and no one had come in yet, which was unusual. So naturally i decided to sit down on the floor, put in my earbuds, and enjoyed some heavy metal. A few more hours passed by, and usually by now i wouldve been yelled at by my boss. This struck me as odd so i stood up. I really wish i hadnt stood up. The place had been completely destroyed. There were drop pods crashed in through the roof and they all had the ERGON logo on them. Ergon was a multi trillion dollar pencil manufacturing company with its own military. They had previously tried to take over sector ⬽:➻ when i had been working there. I was not looking forwards to what was about to happen.

Quickly, i ducked back onto the floor before anyone saw me. There were 4 riot soldiers holding this building. This was gonna be fun. The riot soldiers are your stereotypical riot gear and police baton soldiers. But these guys had laser batons and the riot gear gave them heightened strength and speed. They also had some, dare I say, shitty energy pistols. I crawled over to one of the soldiers who wasnt being watched and broke their neck. Carefully I took the baton and the pistol. Slowly crawled my way back to my station and checked the shot count in the pistol. I had 6 shots, just enough to take care of the remaining three soldiers. I stood up quickly and shot each soldier twice in the head. First shot to open the riot helmet, second shot to kill. I vaulted over the counter and grabbed the three pistols. These things were so stupid. You couldnt even remove the clips. Once you ran out of shots, the pistol was useless. Nonetheless, i didnt have any choice. I had a laser baton and 18 total shots in 3 pistols.

Upon leaving the building, my motorcycle was one of the few things to survive. It had alot of scratches and damage, but it still worked. The helmet was shattered however. I mounted the motorcycle and took off towards the next closest dmv. Maybe id find some better gear there.

Chapter 3

Pulling up next to the second dmv i immediately noticed 3 things. 1: there was blood everywhere. 2: there were 25 soldiers here. And 3: they all had energy weapons. The reason these things are relevant is because energy weapons dont cause bloodshed. This was the result of something else. Something new i hadnt dealt with yet.

I drove up and ran over 5 of the soldiers. This was probably an incredibly bad idea, seeing as i had 18 shots, enough for 9 kills, and there were 20 soldiers left. Every single soldier turned to me and i, being the absolute genius that i am, welded the front of one of the pistols shut with the laser baton, shot it off, and threw it into thei crowd of soldiers. It exploded, releasing a shockwave of energy and disabling the soldiers. I then used the baton to cut through the riot gear and kill the soldiers. I felt like a badass. That is until a mechanical looking wolf jumped at me and started trying to rip my face off.

The wolf was a frostwolf, except it had been placed into a mechanical frame and its teeth and claws had been replaced with lasers. I tried to bash it off of me with the baton but it just bit it in two. This gave me just enough time to grab an energy pistol and shoot the wolf. It kept trying to kill me amd i wasted a whole clip on it until suddenly, the dog started to levitate in the air and got thrown aside into a wall. I got up and was instantly frozen in place. Thats when.. she walked up.

Chapter 4

The she i am reffering to is ebony. A goth/punk wannabe with light blue tear shaped eyes and black hair with purple streaks. Shes a bitch whos mind got too powerful and now she can move things without touching them. Shes been chasing me for months. Not in a murderous way. Shes just obsessed with me. Ive tried to tell her im gay but she wont listen. And now im at her mercy.

She walked up to me and kissed me on the cheek. I hated it. She looked as if she was contemplating whether or not to free me when a pod came down from the sky and crushed her. Thank god. But i honestly wouldve rathered suffered at her hand than deal with what i had to deal with next...

Out of the pod came the warden. The goddamn warden from sector ⬽:➻. Last id seen him hed been in the same situation as ebony. Crushed to death under a pod. But this time, instead of being on my side, he was here to kill me. He was huge. Like seriously huge. He was at least 8 feet tall and shaped like gaston. Whos gaston? Nobody knows these days. But its basically a way to say "extremely buff and wide". Back to the story. The warden wasnt looking very good, considering the rotten skin, obviously quickly patched together face, and muscles hanging loose out of his skin. His rotting ruined body was held together by an exoskeleton of chromium-tungsten alloy. Nothing i had was gonna cut through that. I was gonna have to get creative here..

The warden had 2 weapons, both of them were his fists. Huge gauntlets that were each about the size of a cow. Definitely bigger than his previous set. They were a golden green metal i couldnt identify. But i didnt want to get hit with one to try and find out. I ran. I ran as fast i could run into the dmv and hid. I could hear the wardens footsteps. It was as if a small earthquake happened each time he took a step.

I peeked over the desk i was hiding behind and saw him punch through the 2 desks opposite to me. It took no effort and i couldve sworn i saw him smile. Obviously i didnt. Cause he didnt have a mouth anymore. But if he did, he definitely wouldve smiled. I took a shot to get his attention and ran off towards the wall. The warden was definitely faster than i expected.

Luckily i managed to dodge the blow by a centimeter. The metal smelled of decaying flesh and popcorn. The wardens blow punched a huge hole in the wall. I hope you see where im going with this.

I ran off to another wall and we repeated this same process a number of times until the building was barely still up. I ran out the doors and threw the baton at the last of the supports, cutting through it and causing the building to collapse in on the warden. He wasnt getting out of that. I decided to search the rubble to see if i could find anything worth taking. I found a new baton, a flame rifle and a few more energy pistols.

The flame rifle was a very interesting design. The sides were painted jet black with flame decals scattered about. You could feel the heat on the inside and it made the gun warm to the touch. Comfortable to hold. Other than that though, it looked like an old fashioned 8.59mm sniper rifle. It had 4 shots remaining, so id have to use it sparingly.

I grabbed some scrap materials out of the rubble to make a holster for it and put it on my back.

The energy pistols just dangled from a keychain. The baton was simply turned off and placed through a hole in the back pockets of my shorts. I ran to my motorcycle and drove off, i needed to find out more. I had questions, and i had a sneaking suspicion that i knew where to find the answers.

I drove off again, i was dirty and there was blood on me and my bike. I probably looked like a serial killer. But i knew that if anyone was still alive, itd be jayden. They were.. well. They were a vampire. They lived in a swampland area and wore sparkly rainbow shirts and a huge sunhat. The sunhat allowed them to go outside in the sun, and they only drank coconut water. They also had a crazy amount of weaponry and used to work at ergon, before being fired for stealing weaponry. By the way, if you havent noticed by now, im using they/them to refer to jayden. Jayden doesnt have a gender. Jayden.. is kind of my crush. It probably has something to do with the fact that theyre the only person on this planet who talks to me. Other than ebony.. but ebony is... not my type i guess. Anyways, back to jayden. Jayden was on the roof of their swamp shack drinking coconut water out of a wine glass. I yelled up at them and they fell off the roof onto my back. I guess i cushioned their fall. Jayden immediately said "What do you need dear" without waiting for me to stand up, and shattered the wine glass. I informed them of the situation and asked the questions i had. Things like "what are the ergon soldiers defences like on their ships" and "how did they reanimate the warden" they had answers.

Jayden told me about the new security measures that had been put in place since id last been on an ergon ship. There was now a code for each teleportation pod and the gaurds had doubled. As for the warden, it turns out jayden was actually the first test run in reanimation sciences, and couldnt answer me because they had been unconcious in a lab when the warden was reanimated. That explained the vampire undead thing. Jayden invited me into the shack where they pulled a nail out of the floorboards and it turned into a ramp to the basement. Down in the basement? Thats where jayden kept their weapons they stole. And boy oh boy were there some interesting ones.

One that immediately caught my attention was the big rocket launcher. It had 3 barrels and each was a different colour, indicating a different effect. One was red, one was yellow, and one was green. The red barrel fired a normal explosive rocket, the yellow barrel fired an electromagnetic pulse rocket, and the green barrel fired an acidic explosive. And the launcher shrunk down to the size of an energy pistol when a button was pressed. It gathered up dirt and dust and garbage around it from the back to quickly convert into ammo but the only downside is that it would be difficult to use more than once in an area.

Jayden picked out an old shotgun. At first i didnt understand why, but then they loaded the clip. The clip was a huge drum that loaded in the bottom of the barrel. The drum was see through and inside you could see sawblades lined up side by side. When they pumped the shotgun a blade got lifted into a slot between the 2 shotgun barrels and started glowing red. When the trigger was pulled, the blade spun at high speeds and fired out of the slot, spinning along the ground like a wheel. It could cut through anything a baton could cut through and seemed to almost follow its target. The gun itself looked like an DP-12, except behind the pump, a large clear drum full of sawblades was in place. The blade sat between the barrels in place of the iron sights and got heated up by an electrical circut.

I also took a laser sword instead of my baton, it was just like the one that [3825968] had, except this one was about an inch longer. The final weapon i took was an acid thrower. It was basically just a watergun with acid in it. Ive always been partial to acidic weapons. If youve heard my other story, youd know why..

Jayden also took a submachine gun that fired freezing rounds. The rounds were essentially glorified waterballoons with liquid nitrogen in them. Though the rounds were bullet sized, enough shots from it would certainly freeze you in place. The freeze gun was about the size of the average human head, and was painted navy blue with blue saphire stripes placed along it. We both left the shack, me with my sword and jayden with a wine glass. We were ready to kick ass and put a stop to this.

We left and immediately both got flung into some trees. Guess who it was. It was ebony. Her body had been found and reanimated. I was starting to see a pattern. And now we had to fight the telekinetic who could kill us with a wave of her hand.

She was levitating. Her eyes were glowing red and her hair was floating in the air. She had a smile of someone about to rip your arms off and beat you with them. I tried to take a shot at her but my hand got knocked aside by an invisible force. So i tried the next best thing. Seduction. Fake seduction. Hopefully the whole dying and coming back from the dead thing didnt make her stop being weirdly obsessed with me.

While i faked surrender and complimented ebony and attempted to seduce her, jayden took aim of their ice gun and shot a burst at ebonys right arm. The arm froze in place and shattered. Hopefully that would lower the strength of her telekinetic abilities. It did. But only by about half. Which meant jayden got thrown into the air as i tried to discreetly unholster my acid gun. It wasnt discreet enough and the gun was knocked from my hand.

The gun flew forwards and the impact of hitting the ground set it off for a second, just enough to spray an acidic burn through her arm. Incapacitating her. Jayden ended up sneaking up behind her and impaling her through the skull with the shattered end of their wine glass. Finally ebony was dead for good.

The acid gun was busted, so we had to leave it behind. We got onto my motorcycle and took off towards my apartment building. We would need food if we were going to be traveling. An apartment complex would probably be full of foods, and alot of dead people who wouldnt care if we took some stuff.

#writing #scifi #fantasy violence

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whence-the-woody · 3 years

Text

Finale commentary under the cut

So I wanted to kind of liveblog as I was watching but held back so these are my remembered reactions/second watch reactions

Bummed there was no song recap but quickly figured itd play at the end

PUPPY. Best part of the ep, lbr, Dean was so cute with him

Theyre really doing a cheesey life montage huh - still not clear whether monsters are a thing in this new world?

I was watching the mins tick by during this first montage like OKAY we get it, cheesey happy home life, move along. There was only 40 mins left of the whole show like get on with it, it went way too long

We definately needed to restablished that Sam is neat while Dean is messy. Totally necessary to spend time on that. Also didnt Dean get houseproud when they moved into the bunker?? What happened to that?

OMG get on with it

Then becomes apparent that hunting is still a thing. Which if so what was the point of showing then doing fucking laundry and dishes while “Ordinary life” plays - if its not just an ordinary life?

At this point i thought it might go the route of them being listless without hunting as a job but then murder scene so I guess not

This whole pie sequence is stupid and a waste of time, we all know it

Dean being a cold, heartless bitch about everyone being dead. Aces. Not unexpected but still just great. How dare you be so happy about pie fuck you dude.

DOES ANYONE REMEMBER EILEEN

Pie is the face is not funny my dudes come the fuck on

I started skipping through during the murder scene. I was bored. Like, I dont care about tension building to the murder of a family we dont fucking know. Ive always skipped these scenes, what is the damn point. Its not scary or interesting.

GET ON WITH IT

Same old FBI bullshit. Nice to see the journal again I guess. But like, this is STILL what we’re doing? In the very last ep? Same old, different day, just like 15 years ago. Really?

Singer and Kripke. Subtle.

I skipped through the interrogation too. I dont find the scary brother act cool or entertaining

15 mins in and nothing has happened

Theyre trying so hard to give Dean jokes and nothing is landing, its so cringe just stop

The way the little clown faces pop up - if that supposed to be scary? Really? Its all just so silly rn

Watching it again I realise just how easy this hunt is. The answer is in the journal. They find the exact family. They find the exact barn. The kids are just stood in a cupboard. This is what takes Dean out, really? Its not even a normal hunt, its a way too fucking easy one.

I do not remember this chick or what ep she was in, maybe theres some parallell or foreshadowing by bringing her back but if there is I dont get it

Bottom line if youre gonna bring people back WHY THE FUCK THIS RANDOM GIRL

I knew so fast he was gonna go out like that. Hanging from a fucking nail

I kept saying out loud not like this, no way, this is so stupid, its so stupid omg

I paused and tried to talk myself into putting aside how stupid and awkward it was for him to be doing this scene hanging off a pole and just try to invest in the emotion of the speech. Which I achieved at times

but why was is so awkward tho?? Just the way hes stood pressed against it is fucking weird. Also 1000% Sam couldve gotten help and he wouldve been FINE. It took so long for them to talk, an ambulance couldve been there before they were done, there was no need for this

Okay the speech did make me cry once I pep talked myself into being invested. The reference to being scared Sam would reject him, the I love you so much, Sam saying dont leave me, the stay with me and tell me its okay - all those moments got me and I did cry. I appreciated the family business line. I liked Jensen telling Jared he always keeps fighting, that was a nice reference.

BUT there were also those moments that made me scoff, roll my eyes or laugh. The whole “always you and me” bullshit especially. The second I knew he was going to say I’ll be in your heart I yelled at them to no do it, I hate that cheesey move, then literally was like “oh my god, he did it”. It WAS NOT always going to end like this - so much of the last 15 years was proving him wrong about that. This is all just so wrong, it is not good.

Jensen and Jared did a good job with what they were given in this scene but my god

The audacity of the Cas erasure- always you and me. FUCK YOU.

I laughed out loud when his last shot was a One Perfect Tear. I was literally like “Oh wow they did that”

DEAN DESERVED A BETTER DEATH

It also kinda loses all impact when you see him like 2 mins later

MIRACLE IS THE REAL MVP ILY

Theyre really doing another montage. Really. Like we get it, hes sad, we didnt need the toast to understand that

Omg Miracle by his side. The best of bois.

Looking around his room like beer and guns was all dean was. Sure. Aces.

I choose to believe Bon Jovi was a ref to before Dean went to hell

If Donna is back why isnt anyone else?!?

Oh Jared you look so old bby. Go home. He looks older there then later in the ridiculous make up

Why is that shot made to look like hes leaving the bunker forever?? Like that makes no sense

Bobby greeting him is nice and all BUT IT SHOULDVE BEEN CAS

Also they are 1000% doing the show don’t tell by having Bobby just sit and explain everything. SO FUCKING LAZY

Cas has been out of the empty, helping rebuild heaven. Okay, fine. Even Dean’s reaction to hearing that was fine. BUT YOU ASK WHERE YOUR FUCKING BEST FRIEND IS AND GO SEE HIM. WHO IS THIS VERSION OF DEAN WTF

I know people are upset Cas is back working in heaven but I dont think its anything like before. It sounds like he helped fixed things then got his own heaven. Also he’s God’s Dad, hes not serving God, hes teaching him. I know human Cas done right is what we wanted but I dont hate this for him. BUT WE SHOULD HAVE FUCKING SEEN IT.

Why is a memory of being a kid with his Dad what Dean is reminiscing on. They have literally reverted him back to s1. There are so many memories dean should be thinking about in fucking heaven

Hes going for a drive

Hes going for a motherfucking drive

In the car he was just in

WHY THE FUCK IS HE ACTING LIKE HE HASNT SEEN BABY IN YEARS WHAT IS THIS SHIT

Hes going to drive around doing nothing until Sam gets there are you fucking kidding me. Not going to see any of his family from the last 15 years, just driving. Absolute horseshit.

This is the moment where you realise that this episode has changed NOTHING. This is the same ending as the last ep except theyre in heaven not on earth

ITS THE EXACT SAME FUCKING THING

Okay so they skip over how Sam went from going on a hunt to walking with a toddler. OMG how unsubtle that they have literally just labelled the child Dean in big yellow letters. I couldnt help but laugh, how fucking stupid.

I did get a bit teary when the music started I’ll be honest. But mostly through the whole montage (ANOTHER ONE) I was saying to myself This is so fucking stupid. omg this is dumb, what the fuck is this, so stupid.

They literally did a montage so long they had to play the song twice. Im just done at this point wow.

The old man make up is so bad I just laughed. The only pictures being of the 4 of them, reinforcing the Winchester only bullshit, great. Not even pics of this new random family Sam’s got. The painfully cliche Dad moments for Sam, again so bad its funny. Omg the hand on the head of this random kid, this is so ridiculous. Old man sam in his bad wig trying so hard to move like hes old and crying in the impala. Wtf is happening, this is SO STUPID

I thought theyd cast a more attractive son I’ll be honest. So he has the tattoo - are they a hunting family? Because that would go against both s1 Sam they’ve tried to go back to and the s15 Sam they build up to for all those years

I know they were going for an emotional parallel with that “you can go now” but this random man saying it to Sam in that make up, with the music cue lined up right there - its just funny coz its so dumb im sorry

I cant believe they actually played another different version, I’ll never get over that

Theres alot of things I’ll never get over

Is this bridge supposed to mean something? They shouldve picked a setting that meant something

I know theyre trying so hard to make Dean look happy and peaceful to convince us its a good ending but sis no

I laughed out loud when Dean turned around - WHAT IS THAT OUTFIT SAM?

Really, they have nothing to say? No questions, no convo? They just have cheesey smiles and look over the water? This is so wrapped up in a fucking bow trying to force us to feel good my god

The cut almost immediately to them talking to the camera, still in character getup, was so cringe I yelled and turned it off

And they pan out to literally none of the people we want to see . Great, Good.

LITERALLY WHAT WAS THE POINT

#supernatural #me #ranty #we achieved nothing with this ep yet I have THOUGHTS #finale

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shauta · 4 years

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alright i think im awake enough to talk about my thots on zero-one from break up to episode 44 so spoilers after the cut in case you havent caught up or youre planning on watching it

so first i guess i should mention the presidential specials, which were just 2 glorified recap episodes that also introduced azu (finally) and the creation of the ark-one key. they are what they are and i get having to just shove it into recap episodes that were released during the point where it was still pretty risky to have actors do anything outside of their homes so i dont really feel much toward them

to the actual point of this, episodes 36-41 i would call good for the most part, there are some things that had to get sidelined due to covid, like fuwa and yua’s whole thing having to be condensed into a scene or two of them talking to Ai, the therapy robot, but it was still alright all things considered and i cant blame them too much since something like this during the airing of rider has never really happened. in regards to the thousman’s redemption, it kinda felt like a mix of covid interference and general not knowing how to properly give such a horrible man any kind of redemption. like, i’ll admit, his backstory about his robot dog named thouser (hilarious) almost got me until he pulled the “youre the only motherfucker that can handle me” with Sony’s New Product Placement Toy, which made it wrap around from being almost decent to funny in a bad kind of way. also the thing with him committing fucking humagear crimes being born from a love of hiden intelligence was so damn stupid, like are they telling me he couldnt have done the things he did out of like jealousy or some blind belief that hiden’s dreams are foolish or something?? fuck man, that was just really dumb. also how much did sony pay to have them shove so much goddamn footage of aibo into that episode

ark zero’s introduction was pretty cool, with him just outright fucking possessing horobi and, at first, making his body move unnaturally until he transformed. that was kinda sick. i feel like the cut to yua being outright terrified of ark would have had more impact had she done more stuff in the show, but i think thats genuinely a good way to show how strong/scary a new enemy can be. im also so glad that naki got their own suit and shit, since i remember us hoping that they would at least use the assault wolf key, but kamen rider naki is just so much cooler. thanks so fucking much kamen rider zero-one

also with ark when aruto just lost to him and got scared that maybe his ideals werent totally right, since in his ideal dream world it is technically possible for an ai to become as corrupted like satellite ark and him having to reaffirm what he believes in after fukuoze comes to him and is like “i need shesta back so we can kick gai out” was good imo. i liked that episode. also the episode where izu ran through multiple simulations was kinda fucked but it ended with her being able to make shit appear in her hands so good for her :)

then with the last of the ark zero shit, horobi uhhhh. hes there. he realizes that maybe sometimes it good to make choices for yourself, i guess. the teamup with him and zero-two was really cool, though. liked that and i liked raiden working with subaru again to take down ark. mostly a good episode if you like the fact that horobi will never change.

i think ive said everything i want to about the episodes i liked so now its time to talk about episodes 42-44, or where zero-one just takes a nosedive into confusing choices that i believe are genuinely bad. to start of with, izu dies. i would feel something about this moment if kamen rider didnt pull this shit all the goddamn time and also if i wasnt at least 50% confident that takahashi is gonna bring her back in some form during the finale like he did with poppy ex-aid. also this is the catalyst that makes aruto turn into ark-one, ditching zero-two after like. two episodes. incredible. this is dumb as hell, im not gonna try to pretend it isnt, because it is far too late in the show for this to happen, even with covid fucking up schedules. there is no reason for aruto to just ditch his morals and become the ultimate evil of zero-one because izu died. this isnt what she would want you moran!! and like, i get it, kind of. they wanted to show that not even good boy aruto, our heroic protagonist, is immune to having malicious feelings. i get killing off izu so aruto can feel malice towards horobi. turning him into ark-one is just dumb imo and they should have done something like his malice being what summons the ark again, but either in a shiny new body, or him using azu, i guess. either way theres no need for aruto to become ark-one.

this part is just nitpicky but during the ark-one fights where it would cut away to ark-one in total darkness, i think it could have been utilized better. like him dodging the shots and attacking everyone else while cutting to those shots would have been really good... had horobi also been visible during the shots they cut to when he was fighting him. like, theres some good potential for symbolism (? i dont really remember film terms too well but i do know what im talking about) here where he just doesnt see anything, except for horobi, who he wants to kill as revenge for izu. it couldve been cool even though this whole thing was really dumb imo!! but it kinda just ended up being a bit confusing in the end.

speaking of dumb shit, i think the fuwa and aruto fight in 44 was wasted in the end. orthoros vulcan is a dope recolor of assault wolf and it had retractable naki claws, so it at least gets points for that. but aruto transforms into zero-two for the first time in 2 episodes which doesnt make sense at first glance since hes ark-one now, but i think they were intending for this fight to be a callback to when zero-one and vulcan were first fighting, which is actually really cool if they meant for it to be this. which i believe so but you never know. anyway this fight was wasted because it doesnt seem to do much?? unless right at the start of 45 aruto’s gonna be like “nah, im not actually gonna fight you, since nobody wants that” but even then, going up to horobi and risking a full on war of humagears against humans is still stupid. why would he do that if he learned from his fight with fuwa. also this would have been a cool moment for fuwa to turn aruto’s catchphrase against him!! it would have been so fucking sick for fuwa at one point to say something like “theres only one person who can save you, and that’s me!” like fuck!!!!! that would be so cool!!!!! im genuinely upset this didnt happen im not even joking

i think this post went off the rails because i never learn that i cant extensively talk about kamen rider or other interests without becoming incredible incoherent so im ending the post here. thanks if you were able to actually read through this mess and also i do think for the most part kamen rider zero-one is a season worth watching. just maybe not the last 4 episodes.

#canned beef #i really thought i was gonna get away with writing something anybody other than me could understand lmao #next time i plan to do this please shut it down immediately unless i can get like. an editor or some shit

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wreckham · 4 years

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i will likely end up dedicated more of my time to personal creative ventures not influenced by my favorite media (at least not blatantly lol) sooner then later - no promises, i hate making promises of any kind, but my mindshift has shifted somewhere bolder and i’m less batshit now - and i’ve considered the way in which i’d do this

it’s easy to spend hours and hours pouring over a single rendered image, using everything i’ve ever learned to craft a piece... but if there’s no idea behind it that holds its own weight, if i couldn’t explain the same thing with an ms paint doodle, sometimes i wonder if i’m just jerking myself off

so i think this is why i’ve slowly but surely gained a lot of respect and genuine liking of the aesthetic of an unfinished piece - a pencil test, a series of thumbnails, a loose storyboard, a list of story events instead of written scenes - and consider it to be a charming and fulfilling way of telling a story

i would - and have! - gladly indulged in these things, be they unfinished or cut bits of larger projects or all that remains of projects long abandoned. this could be because i appreciate the thing existing at all, but i also just appreciate both seeing the labor and knowing that, becus its in front of me rn, knowing the labor that couldve been added but wasn’t didn’t keep the creator from allowing me to see it

idk if i can restrain myself from being extra enough to waste months of my life on something as opposed to slap a webcomic or an animatic together in ms paint and release it to the world like some brave and sexy souls have, but it’s something i appreciate just as much as finished, beautifully polished work, just for different reasons. kinda

i encourage everyone to spit out whatever ideas are in their heads irregardless of how finished they ever become, becus its better then never seeing them at all. human creativity matters

i am in love with it, i am in love with other people’s minds and thoughts and inventive impulses. christ alive im so lame but i just appreciate any creative effort that ppl utilize to express themselves, sans like racism n shit lmao

#beck yammers #by the by this is why ull never see a rewrite by me that is in script or literary format #becus whats the point? fill in my blanks and wrap ur head around what i deliberately hand u #becus even if its all dumb stupid superfluous fan shit! it is still art! and i hope someone enjoys it #and even if they dont fuck it i enjoyed making it! and i will do the same with my own brainchildren #im very tired from working around the clock for the past month or so but i am constantly falling back in love with art #no matter how good. no matter how bad #sorry to all the ppl who thought they wouldnt be slapped with a fish made of pure pretentiousness on this blog lmao

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pseudonymfox · 5 years

Text

A Widow and the Outlaw

Bucky Barnes x Reader (Cowboy AU)

Summary: All alone in the woods Bucky finds a griefing widow and decides to save her life. Both of them showing each other there worlds...

Warnings: mentions of killing/violence/death, fluff, guns?

A/N: Enjoy! I really like it :) Yes I had to take this picture hehe

Up in the hills was supposedly live a rich couple all alone in a cabin, sleeping on their piles of cash he heard from a fella. And if it’s one thing Bucky and his outlaw gang needed than it was money so he prepared everything for a long ride with food and munition to get over the next few days that it would take.

The tip he got about them was better be something good otherwise it would be nothing but waste to ride this far into the mountains. Through different terrains and weather changes he rode about three day until he could see his destination in further distance. He wanted to take one quick look before going in to make sure he wasn’t going to walk into something he couldn’t handle. He didn’t have much of a plan, it was just a quick in and out.

As he got closer he could make out small whimpers and cries from a woman that was sitting on ground, a grave in front of her. She looked like she’s been through a lot, her hair disheveled, the clothes she wore dirty and wet from the rain. Must been sitting there for a few hours he thought and got off of his horse, closer to her.

“All we needed was each other..that’s what you always told me” she mumbled under her breath.

“Uhh..- You alright there Lady?” he asked her carefully trying not to startle her.

“Who are you?” She asked surprised and stood up, taking a few steps away from him.

“Sorry..I don’t mean no harm” he replied, holding his hand up in surrender to assure her that Bucky wasn’t one of the crazy ones out here. People around here could be cruel and disgusting, he couldn’t say he was a good man but he kept his sympathy around most people. Not always thinking to kill or steal from people.

“Well it doesn’t make a difference anymore if I get killed from an outlaw, from wild animals or simply from starvation” she sighed quietly, picking up flowers and placing them gently on top of the grave.

“-We came out of the city in search of something different...something where we could be free..something true” she added as Bucky decided to stay silent for a moment.

“-We were a pair of fools” she chuckled softly.

“Is there a train station or somewhere else I could bring you to?”Bucky asked hoping to help the lost lady.

“No I..he wouldn’t want this...I am gonna do this for you Elijah” she stood now up again and starting to walk away, something about her seemed to catch his interest.

“I am gonna leave you to it then” he replied and wanted to walk back but felt like he couldn’t leave like this. Somehow he felt guilty for something he wanted to do to them even tho he never did.

“-Is there anything left for you to get over the days?” he spoke up again and she turned around again.

“Nothing. We didn’t have an idea about hunting. Couldn’t even catch a darn mouse, just found some poisenes berry’s” she told him grinning sadly.

“Well you won’t last much longer if ya don’t know how to hunt...Come on I’ll show you” he suggested her. Bucky wouldn’t be able to forgive himself if he would leave like this. It would be her death, he didn’t want more undeserved deaths that laid heavy on him which followed him every day, plaguing his mind.

“Alright but you better not try any funny business. I may be weak but I know how to stand up for myself” she said proudly and followed him down the path.

“I don’t doubt that” Bucky laughed leading the way.

“You ever skinned an animal before? or learned how to read tracks?” he asked quietly as the got further between trees, trying not to scare the animals away.

“No but as I told you I haven’t catched much before” she told him, her voice low as well.

”You gotta learn how to if you want to survive out here” he let her know, the city wasn’t really far away but still.

“I am aware of that. Where are we heading? Do I need to look for something?” the women stopped by his side kneeling into the ground, gazing through the wood.

“We try it a bit more down, near the river. Look for movement and listen closely” he explained her and she nodded following along again.

“What happened to your husband? If you don’t mind me asking” he asked carefully choosing his words thinking that she must be still grieving about the loss.

“A bear got him. Came out of nowhere. It was horrifying to watch, he survived only a for a couple days after that...Buried him two weeks ago” she told him looking to the ground.

“I’m sorry” he let her know.

“That was more his dream then mine.” she said, Bucky slowly stopping and going more carefully.

“You seeing something?” he asked and looked at her taking the bow and an arrow ready.

“No just lots a trees and the river. Stuff like that” she sighed out looking around more crunching her eyebrows together, concentrating to see something.

“Alright. Close your eyes for a second” he told her really softly.

“How is that supposed to help?” she mumbled back but did it anyway. Maybe he is robbing her now or knocking her out she thought and stepped a bit back, after all they just met and she was pretty sure that he is an outlaw and that mostly never meant something good.

“Just do it, concentrate on sounds. Tell me what you hear?” he whispered and saw the smirk on her lips growing.

“You talking. That’s what I hear.” he breathed out a chuckle.

“Open your eyes again and look again” he instructed so she did and looked around until her eyes widened and she pinched his arm and pointed towards. “There is a rabbit” she whispered smiling from ear to ear.

“See you concentrated on the forest instead of thinking and looking to hard for something specific.” he said and pointed the arrow at the rabbit, breathed another time in and out deeply before letting the arrow go and hitting the rabbit letting it fall over dead.

“Impressive” he heard her mumbling, probably to herself and catching her watching him closely, like she was taking notes in her head about this for later. They both got closer to the now dead rabbit and he pulled it by it legs up taking the arrow out again before holding it towards her.

“You got a knife?” he asked her as she took the rabbit by both legs like Bucky did.

“No not right now. Should I get it?” she raised her brows, the cabin wasn’t far but it was better she learned it without one first.

“No just try to skin it like this. Hold it tightly by his legs, grab his fur and just pull downwards really strong..it will come right off” he explained and nodded doing what he said, she pulled and pulled til the skin came right off, easier as expected as she got right grip for it. “I did it!!” she laughed out proudly showing the rabbit up to him.

“Yeah see. Not that hard” Bucky rested his hands and on his hips.

“Ok I think that was enough for one day I think I should get back now” she bit her lip from grinning so proudly. With the rabbit slung over her shoulder they made their way back up the path.

“Thank you for showing me that. I wouldn’t make it if you wouldn’t showed up” she said after a few moments of silence, looking at him as he nodded.

“No need to thank me. The rabbit should at least last a few days before you have to catch another one”

“Well now I know how to” she winked at him letting him blush faintly. Bucky tried to hide it as they got up the stairs but she noticed it.

“I would invite you in but I look like a mess and in there is one too” she took a fallen out hair strand behind her ear and opened the door just a crack so she fitted through it.

“I’ll be on my way then” he tapped his hat and turned around to leave. She watched him get almost to his horse before she got a few steps out again.

“My name is (Y/N)” she called out.

“Bucky Barnes” he smiled back, getting on his horse again and riding away down towards the city.

A week has barely gone by as Bucky was riding around in this area again and thought that he could check in and see that how you were doing already. In further distance he heard gunshots sounding through the forest so he made his horse running a bit faster just in case something was going south at your cabin and as he took the path up his breathing and heartbeat slowed down again as he saw you with the gun shooting or well trying to shoot some bottles you stood up.

Concentrating on the bottle you wanted to hit you pressed the trigger again but missed once again, the gunshot letting you flinch a bit. Not one of the damn bottles broke or even came in the slightest distance of the bullets. If it would go like this longer you had to go to visit the gunsmith again for new muntion. Sighing out frustrated you let the gun drop, wanting to give up as you heard a horse coming closer. You immediately turned around and held up the your rifle to the visitor. Bucky was surprised but didn’t even flinch, he was used to be getting pointed at with all kinds of weapons.

“Bucky! Good lord I could’ve shot you” you rolled your eyes and took the gun down.

“But you didn’t” he chuckled and watched you turn back around to the bottles just pointing at them. “You wanna learn how to shoot?” he asked and you looked back.

“How are you always around when I need help sir?” she raised her eyebrows at him and all he could do was shrug and walk to her side.

“I was around and heard shootin’ so here I am..wanted to check in anyways” he confessed, having (Y/N) on his mind now for the past couple of days. She looked better now, more relaxed, cleaner with new clothes and all. Like a new person. “I guess I could use a little help..again.” you sighed out, clearly not happy about it. You usually didn’t like to get help all the time but out here you needed it, it was still all so different than to your life before.

“Nothing to be ashamed of..It’s simple.” he said and came up to her side standing closely to her side, she could already feel his hot breath against her skin as she tried to concentrate on his instructions and on the bottles.

“Make sure you stand right so you don’t pulled back to much, hold you arm a bit up and lean the end against your shoulder then just point out, concentrate, take a deep breath and pull always the trigger after you breathed out” he explained showing her and as he stepped away again she pulled the trigger but missed letting her breath out frustrated. “I’ll never understand that.” she said.

“Here I’ll show you and then you try again. You can learn, not that hard. I promise” he took one of his rifles from his horse.

“You have experience from years of being an outlaw”She said shaking her head and as he did it it all looked so easy as he did it and fast, he didn’t miss.

“Try again” he said as he turned back to her so she did even if it was the last time before she would get to frustrated with this or lock any more people to her.

Pointing the gun, doing what she was told and then pulled the trigger as the bottle exploded into shreds. She hit one.

“I did it..Who would have thought?” she laughed out and he applauded her as she bowed like she knew a lady would do.

“-You know I actually cleaned up a bit and was just making dinner...You want to join?” she asked and laid the gun away.

“Sure. Would be my pleasure.” he grinned and followed her into the house. It was pretty simple just from the outside but had just her touch something he didn’t often when he got into cabins that are as far away as this one.

“Just take a seat. It’s almost done. It’s with Rabbit, one I catched myself” she told him stirring in it and preparing two dishes for the both of them. Handing one Bucky who digged in right away, he was a interesting men cause he clearly didn’t have manners which you liked. You thought that this was probably one of the first times he had like a dinner inside at a table like “normal” people around these days but after all he is a outlaw so you weren’t surprised the way he acted.

“I guess it tastes good?” you chuckled as he stopped himself and put the plate down trying now not to eat like a animal.

“Yeah it does great quite delicious” he wiped his mouth with his sleeve and sat up.

“I think that might be also the first time that the food I made doesn’t taste awful. Cooking was also new for me. I was raised with a silver spoon in my mouth so I practically had to learn everything for myself after we moved up here so I am even more grateful that you showed up” she told him and poured him something in a glass to drink.

“Really? Well if it’s make this easier I don’t know either how to cook” he whispered like it was a secret making her giggle, which must be the most wonderful sound he ever heard.

“Well I guess we have to learn a lot more from each other” she smiled at him from across the table.

“I guess so”

Feedback appreciated!

Tags: @learisa / @escapetheshackles / @racheo91 / @torntaltos / @1967-chevy-impala-called-roscoe / @haru-ririchiyo / @memory-of-a-goldfish / @jewelswrites-ish

If you enjoy my content, please consider supporting what I do :)

xoxo Sophie <3

#Bucky Barnes #Bucky Barnes x reader #Bucky barnes x you #bucky x reader #bucky x you #cowboy au #Cowboy Bucky #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky barnes imagine

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yuissamidare · 5 years

Text

@codes i think i may have put this on my artblog but... Here

i guess ill start w ichi bc i always forget about him somehow like i always come up short when im making lists and im like 'oh wait shit yeah that guy’ bc im stupid n i only think of fishing trio + choro. I’m an Idiot. idk i never thought too hard on ichi bc i so rarely think about him but he looks so high its really funny i said this on main but he looks like my friend when he decided to try a weed gummy bear then started babbling about hentai then watched to watch porn with me but got mad all the intro scenes are a billion years long and started ranting about the industry but now that i think about it he looks like someone who used to send me weird shit when he was high like bad pick up lines about body parts i wish i didnt have

and thats so funny that its Ichimatsu who looks like that but also proof that hes high. but anyway!! hes really cute and im mad hes boutta ruin my reputation for my complete and utter lack of care and interest in him no matter what im mad. my friend gwyn said 'Sp lubing us up for the fuckening that is the reason why Ichi is sad in present day’ im really curious at the change like if hes trying a fake it till you make it type thing bc really emotionally exhausted or if hes just genuinely having a good time or hes puttin on a front since like. nails who stand get hammered down right??? just gotta do your best n Never Relax n i can relate to all that. but uhhh old hcs i guess

in kun ichi was the most serious! really smart but just as bad w school as the rest of them apparently but!! yeah so id think that!! ichis that guy who participates in class discussion constantly and is always willing to debate the readings, but turns in sloppy papers with typos and no a coherency or stucture or anything. he’s A+ in participation but has an average of 60% on most of the written assignments with points knocked bc of lateness then more bc its A Mess. you could ask about the prompts for one of his papers, he could babble about his position on it complete with paragraphs and footnotes but like the day before its due hes playing rpgs and watching horror movies.

his classmates think hes so smart n so intimidating. the family knows hes a hot mess. the teachers tell him he has a lot of potential but they don’t think hes applying himself. all are right. also he doesnt cheat or let people cheat off of him since hes always been about rules and boundaries and Rightness n he n jyushi were the only ones who Minded Themselves in kun

uhh jyushi!! let me talk about schoolwork again bc yeah i love jyushi so so so so much and thinking of him in a school environment is so weird i thought about it a lot n i thought about it him in kun n san and Woah!! i really really love delinquent jyushi, bc when i saw that i was like 'huh! that fits actually!!’ i love that like him and choro flip flopped completely from what i thought. his school must be so cold theyre too cheap to afford heating in the winter and in summer the acs Blast. he was so Shy and quiet and he cried and he liked to sing so i always thought that when he participated in chorus festivals hes always like right in front!! he hums a lot in class and also moves around alot bc he actually like school and people like primary trio are the types that make friends often. i wasnt supposed to talk about this yet whoops.

unlike ichi who relatively neat despite everything but has shit notes, jyushis notes are amazing and understandable and utterly illegible.

theyre covered in doodles, arrows and lines leading every which way, different colors but not like color coded n theyre not in order by date, but he opens to a random page every time yet somehow always seems to know where to find each lesson. he writes footnotes and caveats and corrections and criticisms of the teachers and random thoughts and just smears ink everywhere. sometimes his notes are on a completely different subject. the notebook itself is a horrifying mess, the front and back covers both covered in drawings and designs and falling apart, random papers shoved between the pages, coming apart at the seams, covered in stains of unknown origin. assignments are full of emoticons and informal language, and they always manage to make his teachers feel like hes smarter than they are (most likely). he does his projects the minute theyre assigned, and is finished a minute later so can talk to his friends. he loved school.

sophie told me once about how she thought was Like That was bc one of his main concerns is that he thought he had nothing that made him Jyushi n in kun she said he might have been the one who was the most concerned about having a distinctive personality and i talked about how that sorta carried over san and how he always blended in bc of how gentle and soft and push-overy he was. he was actually the and most gullible and weakest in kun so i was like :0 when i saw that and intentionally did stuff like only carry 14 yen in his pockets to be quirky but it always sorta fell flat and he was still invisible so i was like hmmmmm. and i can see how he couldve toughened up and thinking of this now!! i love that. oh im so happy. this is so much better than i ever couldve imagined ever.

totty…. i do not think he was very popular or good at school. i think he’s very decent at schoolwork but he never put much effort into it. just copies whats on the board but if the class runs out of allotted lesson time n he couldnt finish his work he just didnt do it like cram schools a pain in the ass. if he put effort hed be a star student but he just craps out whatever since hes was the laziest!! oh but something i noticed was that him and jyushi would play together often since sometime he felt overwhelmed by karamatsu a lot. also hes the money thief and scammer its great kun todo is so good. he gets shy and flustered easy too!!

but uhh yeah!! depending on the day im always like 'zaimoku love each other so much they are best friends and the perfect other halves!!’ then im like 'these mofos hate each other what the fuck is this trainwreck’ did you see their shitty small talk in the horse episode. what was that. like they are genuinely trying to communicate and are pretty easy with each other but they have nothing to say. its like when youre having a boring day at school and theres nothing to talk about with an acquaintance so you just look at the walls and go 'have you ever noticed how stupid these posters are’ then you both start reading posters aloud but you both know its not that funny and youre just doing it to waste time but you still enjoy their company you just dont want silence. thats their relationship. and i think they are just very similar in very different ways and like. the key things that make them both similar and different and the same fuck them up (like suiriku!! theyre both really similar even if it doesn’t seem like it at first which is why their compatibility in the relationship chart was so low in s1, but i saw a lot of improvement in both of their behaviours and their communication and honestly. s2 was worth it for that sophie was so happy to see her faves get along) like sometimes when you look in the mirror all the things you see are the things you dont like about yourself instead of what makes you wonderful and unique. also i didnt mean to talk about this but i guess i am.

but yeah. totty is bitter n resentful at kara during hs n karas more confused and upset at tottys behaviour in their twenties n thats bc like i said. theyre dumb. karamatsu!! i think was actually pretty popular in highschool n had a good amount of friends - i genuinely think theatre kids are well liked bc i literally know everyone in my department and im friends w a good amount of people and im not even That extroverted. my actual extrovert friends know everyone in the school by name and everyone in my department is so nice even though theres a lot of bitchiness and drama its not as bad as w other humanities studies (jesus christ humanity students outside of theatre are a hot mess.)

uh yeah n that ultimately makes totty feel a bit… betrayed? karamatsu is his partner! theyre supposed to be there for eachother! kara’s the first one to branch out, get friends etc etc and todomatsus left behind bc hes always the one playimg follow the leader and he breaks out of that once they graduate - he grows up resenting karamatsu slightly though he still cares. but this time Hes the one cancelling plans to hang out with friends instead. my friend katie put it best when, in response to me telling them this, they sent me:

'kara: totty you have so many friends now. We barely see you anymore.

totty, applying chapstick: well, I learned it from the best.’

when i told them about it. but at the time gwyn and i were babbling about possibilities and different storylines and how theres a possiblity the movie might break down into three manageable plotlines n she gave zaimoku 'popularity’ and this was me throwing out ideas but honestly. Good. (aha, the end of this scenario ended up with todo throwing hands and shoulder checking someone outside a window and then getting removed from the premise n hanging with atsushi all night after) why am i on this. shit what happened here.

uhh but yeah totty is Def someone with learned behaviours rather than being a natural extrovert honestly just look at him hes an introverted mess masquerading as a decent human being and i know full well how people like that are bc some of them have been my best friends for years n seein the new hs promos solidifies that fact bc look at him. Crybaby. He is Miniscule. A Child.

then its 'delinquent who looks like an honour student’ choro. i never studied him until sophie started liking choro n since i love sophie i wanted to take an interest in him too. n i started to think very hard about him! then gwyn planted this in me n its taken root and im just never not gonna think its great. yall see his shitty gokudo impression what a bossy lil shit. he pulled a whip on kara once and it was mad funny but also Gwyns Big Evidence for him just being the absolute worst not like a casually skips class type but a Choro was a legit a bully and really mean n sabatoged other classmates to make him look like he was 100% That Bitch. maybe not him being Mean and cruel but just an asshole who bums around, is something i really like that one a lot its been one of my faves since gwyn n i started talking about it but i just!! have a ton of other things too!!

hes a lot like karamatsu in that theyre both stupid and weird and embarrassing and they put on airs but they also!! dont try!! they talk so big and such high goals n expectations and they dont do shit bc they have so much hubris but i always talk about them bc suiriku is sophies Beloved so ill like. Not. but he acts like he’s better than all of them n forces the role of the straight man on himself because he wants to be seen as the responible, level headed one even if hes just. So Much.

i think the movies calling back to how touchy feely and clingy he was in kun and adding on to how jyushis a delinquent and kara… Is Like That he’ll be around them the most bc jyushi might either be really protective or push him away and then they do something to mend their relationship later on or hell cling to kara and they just. grow apart. sticking to my hc until the end bitches. oh.

for choro… personally!! i thought hed be a slacker instead of a delinquent but not in the way totty slacked - totty was lazy n knew the work but didnt want to put in effort but choro just. Doesnt. choro has so much energy all the time and choro Can Not deal with school situations. bc like… you always hear people say that studying is meant to be done at the desk, silently, no distractions what so ever!! focus on notes and nothing else!! ise a highlighter but dont use it too much!! make your notes legible but you only have five minutes before the board gets erased!! review!!! look at your notes or youll die! take breaks bit dont take too long and honestly. listen. kun choro wouldnt be able to stand that shit and id think hed just think he was doing it The Wrong Way n he just wasnt meant to do it.

he doesnt like quiet classrooms!! he cant study like that and hell get distracted. he cant sit still n thats why totoko broke up w him in the beer ad and why hes just Everywhere in kun!! hes understimulated and its just Ugh! you know??? he’ll fidget w his pens until he breaks them or hum or tap his foot and annoy everyone or leave for the bathroom at least three times a class just to get up and move.

eventually he just. gives up even though hes super smart he like, stops caring bc if you dont care to understand material then you wont have to read and read and reread and rereread something to get it! classes just make everything uncomphrehensible and makes any idea he may have sublimate into nothing. but he can work on the trains and the buses! he needs something kenetic to get him moving and trains n shit always have enough going on to work with, just like with home!! chorochoro motherfuckers. he works much better moving forward, ironic as that is. he feels sorta set apart from every thing like hes behind some big plane of glass doing everything wrong and being all set apart from everything. eventually he takes to acting like a real fussy mom to avoid his own problems and help everyone else out even though hes annoying and even when he graduates but it gets Worse bc then figures out how much!!! he fucked up!! then he kicks himself into high gear n still cant do shit. ahh.

its illegal for me to talk about choukei bc i talk about them so much and im always being annoying n typing stupid essays about them bc theyre… my faves.. But this is so long…

it actually makes me super happy that he kara acne he still can be really fighty and he cries and he still does stupid impulsive shit for others and even though hes really sweet and caring is still an utter monster and fucking mess of a person. love him. i always like to think his shittymatsu nickname came from iyami n it just morphed from there bc in 66 you can hear iyami calling him specifically garbage. ive always been glad they kept his sewing hobby too. ahh, actually from what i see hes pretty similarities to kun so i wonder when he decided to air out that teremity. idk what to say about him that i havent in tottys section. he just Feels like someone who had a good support group and nice friends bc of how hes able to move in the world. kara feels like some whos doing their growing up in their twenties bc highschool came easy to them and now theyre just really struggling with the real world. like i shouldve expected softboy hs kara and i appreciate him very much!! i talk about choukei a lot bc they were the first characters that spoke so i immediately attached myself to them n i talk about karamatsu Specifically but im not sure i ever mentioned how much i appreciated how smart and cautious hes proved himself to be time and time again, like how hes the only one to point out totokos fish shtick aint doing her favours or how he was the first one to notice osos irritation n how you can pick out his voice warning jyushi to calm down in the bg of 24 or how in the comedian episode he was ready to take Notes from iyami and a lot of other small things!!

i would think hes actually a bit more serious n calm in hs and san is him amping up traits that drew people to him in hs and it backfiring on kara spectacularly - kara is always gauging people and their reactions and acting in a way he believes will get something positive, but at the same time is utterly oblivious when it comes to actually Getting them n i talked about the girls on the bridge but this is also prevalent with ichi who kara just. Doesnt Get and can not figure out how to maneuver their relationship. like oso, kara is and elder brother!! and elder brothers have an image theyre supposed to uphold, but while kara acts the part he doesnt do the shit a big brother does and shrugs that responsibility off on oso until oso fucks up until s2, where they share the role more evenly and his relationship with ichi improves but this is another essay entirely. what im trying to get with that is that hyperfocus on what other people think of him, but his complete disregard when it comes to their actual reaction and instead what he wants their reactions to be would also greatly impact him transtioning from a teen to an adult im sorry im getting sloppy now

osomatsu… i really adore him too much and i understand how totty felt in their episode bc i also lent my phone to a friend who needed to desperately jack it before meeting new people n i talk about him a whole lot too. hes mean and an asshole and garbage n i know a lot of people find him plain n boring but idk. i dont think thats the case hes a really complexed n nuanced character n hes literally has always been way back from kun n thats expected from a main character but… hes always been mean n dumb n sly and he can get so pathetically vunerable and thats literally!! him. hes a normal dude nothing wrong with that n it can be real refreshing. n i suppose im so fond of fishing trio+choro bc they remind me of my friends. but yeah even if hes 'plain’ i dont see why thats a bad thing. n this they always have the most interesting body language like despite kara being So Much his body language was always closed off n singled him out as everything But exuberant and bright, and osos quirks like how he stands on his toes a lot had always been so cute… its relaxed and open n screams Talk To Me!!!!

ahh but i always end up thinking oso was. oso??? theres not much to say that i havent before but i do think that he was a lot more like he was in episode 2 when ranting to chibita about having shitty brothers and then actively Chose to be a good brother even if he wasnt a good person and be a stable rock and be someone they could all come back to at the end of the day. and hes good at math im never letting this die.

#now im sleepy fmxbfbc #mbbbaf #i didnt talk about oso much im ao tired

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modiintrainguy · 2 years

Text

Journaling

Movember 2, 2021

Obviously it's been a while, but you know, better to say it than not.

anyway its said now.

on to the task in hand...

Best get into it.

so 3 things:

1. setting myself free from the constant search for instant short dopamine hits

2. Money - what can i do about it

3. what i learnt from the Coach about anger shouting and trying to control it

1. Set me free

youtube

ok i'll do this longer later.

feeling anxious basically about this!

point is i saw a video on youtube on the tv yesterday about how you can trick your brain into doing hard things

youtube

Now, of course ADHD clasically makes it hard for me to do anything thats not something i want to do and instead i just get stressed and procrastinate.

So the one thing this video advised was to take a dopamine detox.

Because the big problem with things like social media is that you are getting a surprise - the attraction is you dont know whats next so you keep going till you get the thing thats going to make you happy. but really nothing does. its the same with porn.

its actually just like spinning a fruit machine slot game.

"it's the hope that kills you".

each time you scroll facebook, instagram, youtube, netflix whtever you are bored but hoping to get what your looking for eventually. but its rarely ever enough. the same with junk food. the expectation that this thing will make you feel good is false. you'll just keep on going cos you think eventually youll find the thing that makes you feel good but in the end u feel bad cos youve wasted time and consumed loads of rubbish.

Then yesterday i thoguht about the old nokia phones and how i nearly bought one instead of an iphone back in 2017 when i got the iphone 7 i had. one of the main reasons i didnt buy it was cos i needed whatsapp; and also i thought i needed email and internet for work (blame AM for that!).

so i thought if only i could have a phone that doesnt have all the stuff i go on just to pass time by continuously looking for something interesting.

then i realised i can - just delete the apps that are wasting time. like my watch - it is basically just funcitonal. you cant go on the watch and scroll and spend time, it's just for using it to do things.

so i went and deleted facebook and insta and tiktok and all the news apps - basicallly anythign that isnt functional.

and im going to not watch tv unless there is a specific thing i want to watch and i will only watch that.

i thought what about reading. isnt that the same dopamine fix. but its about constant short fixes. reading is a specific individual thing you decide to do and i think the dopamine comes out slowly.

So let's see how it goes.

but at least im writing here.

One of the things the guy in the video recommends is journaling. he says its better to write it on paper but my writing is a mess and its easier for me to type, so thats why im back here!

2. Money. money.

youtube

How scared am i about money.

what its all about?

Ok really im gonna do this later!

but its about avoiding something that is intangible. you cant see it or touch it.

really theres 2 things

1. im scared of finding out the reality - the truth that ive been wasting my money or not spending what ive had which has made me have a worse life than i couldve had if id had been realistic

2. i know that/assume that i have enough so it kind of doesnt matter what i spend. so when i spend it doesnt feel like im spending money. there is no money.

so now its time to try and come to terms with it

because without organising money i wont feel relaxed.

so im going to try and make a list of expenses and incomings and guess them and then compare them to the file the wife made (obviously thats ridiculous cos the file exists so i can just lok at it, but after like 20 years of hardly looking at it i dont feel like i can just jump in at the deep end).

3. Shouting

youtube

last week me and coach discussed shouting for an hour and a bit which was wonderful.

i said id basically given up. id discussed it so many times and tried so hard but still hadnt controlled my anger.

he said 2 things.

1. Think about unmet expectations

2. Try to keep emotional gas tank refilled and be aware when its low and how it makes you less tolerant

Expect the unexpected

so the first thing is to realise the reason you are angry is cos you have expectations of how a situation is going to/"should" pan out so when it doesnt happen

you need to realise that things dont always happen how you want them to and try and think of the reaons that could happen.

it's like the old road sign thing.

you look at an israeli road sign and see the english as if thats the only real thing but israelis see the hebrew and arabs see the arabic.

they are all there, but you see what is obvious to you - even though other people see exactly the same thing/situation completely differently which can make that act differently. ok the acting differently doesnt work with the road sign analogy but u get what i mean.

Try and think about it from the other persons perspective.

they say dont ask "why" - but in this case its best to ask yourself why the other person did that or this situation panned out like it did.

then you can think about it from the otehr perspective. "why does the little one not do what shes told."

ahaaaaa

Emotional Petrol tank

It's basically "lemale et ha dli".

Everyone has an amount they can stand before they get annoyed. its just during the day you lose some so you need to be aware if you are low on emotional gas and then have a break or meditate or somrthing to fill it up.

Parzuf coes!!

laugh about it!

ok jobhunt? what else? check the list.

lets do our best today and go running if its not hot and if not walk in a forest.

#Youtube

0 notes

saintkimora · 6 years

Text

well......here is the unfortunate conclusion

so i was with brandon on memorial day and we had a conversation that has me thinking i might have to end things w him

it was a nice day at first, i brought him flowers and he was so flustered it was sooooooo cute and we had sex and then we went about the rest of the day cuddling and talking and stuff. then we were gonna go get food so we were washing our hands and i think he jokingly asked me if i had sidehoes or if he was a sidehoe or something and i was like ofc not. then i asked him if he had any sidehoes and he kept avoiding the question in a humorous way and then we ended up having a serious, very eye opening conversation

he said he thinks i might have different “””expectations””” than he does. and i talked about when we might be official since weve been dating for 4.5 months now and he was saying how he wasnt ready for a relationship and that he doesnt really believe in commitment until marriage (crackhead) like how are you supposed to reach the point of marriage if you wont even commit beforehand

he said he doesnt want commitment bc he doesnt like feeling tied down (of course) and he was saying like right now hes happy with me but if he commits to me he feels like then hes gonna start wanting other guys, kinda of like a wanting what you cant have kinda deal (hate it)

he said he used to not understand open relationships but now he gets why people do it. he was like “your relationship with everyone in your life is unique and different, and just because i might have something with another guy, that doesnt mean i care about you any less or that hes better than you, my relationship with the other guy would be different than what i have with you” at this point i wanted to fucking open the window and just step out and fall to my death i REALLY did not like where this was going

at this point he had mentioned that he wants the freedom to talk to other guys (and i had the fact he was still on grindr in the back of my mind) so i decided to ask him i was like are you talking to any other guys? and he was like “see this is what im talking about like you have the expectation that i shouldnt be talking to other guys” and i was like “well are you talking to any? and how do you define talking? like if youre at a bar and some guy comes up to you and strikes up a conversation obv thats fine w me like thats just being nice” and he was like “thats not what i mean by talking” so i was like ok fuck my drag right

and again he just talked about how he didnt wanna be tied down and wanted to go slow (the slow part i understood at the beginning of us dating but like sis....its been 4.5 months like at this point youre just wasting my time if you wanna just have fun with no commitment)

and it sucks bc the day before memorial day when i was having a rough time. it was bc he was annoyed at me a few days ago and he was being kinda distant and ignoring my texts a little bit. which isnt too serious objectively but it was making me very nervous bc it was reminding me of my experiences with joel and caleb so i was very on edge and i was nervous literally the whole day and it didnt help that i saw he was going out and drinking somewhere on his snap story. so i just got really paranoid about him possibly meeting another guy while hes out and drunkenly hooking up with him or going out with him or getting romantically involved or something. which is obv not rational thinking on my part but i cant help that i get so worried, esp after joel and caleb. if we were official i would feel more secure but since we arent bfs yet he technically could go out and be with another guy without breaking any official rules so thats why im nervous, if we were official i would still get nervous sometimes but i would feel a little better about it at least

and this has happened a lot while we’ve been seeing each other. and one of these days i wanted to bring it up in convo with him so i could hopefully get some reassurance and feel more secure and stuff. i was considering even bringing it up when we were together yesterday esp since he likes when i show vulnerability but after that conversation we had? i already have my answer. i know if i did bring it up to him he would just be like joel and be like “well i cant make promises” since commitment is SUCH a big issue to him apparently. which leads to why i might have to end things w him bc i really dont want to keep living in fear like this i hate it

im just over it like i was really upset by that conversation like he wasted FOUR AND A HALF MONTHS of my time as well as getting me attached to him like if he doesnt want a relationship he shouldve told me that upfront so i couldve stopped seeing him after like the 2nd date or something

but im also confused bc like 2 months ago or so we were joking about guys i dont remember it too much but at one point i was (obv jokingly) like “oh fine ill just go out and get a new man instead” and brandon got like a little upset about it he was like “if youre not gonna take our relationship seriously dont waste my time bc im looking for someone who wants to work toward a serious relationship” yet now hes saying this like what is the truth

so yeah thats p much it :/ i was very disappointed by that conversation and i think he could tell but i said everything was fine bc i didnt want to say anything decisive in the moment bc i like to give myself a few days to think on big things like that. but really idk wtf else to do now :( esp since unfortunately...........i love him so like no matter what i do im gonna end up hurting myself

#personal

5 notes · View notes

comicteaparty · 6 years

Text

September 20th, 2018 CTP Archive

The archive for the Comic Tea Party chat that occurred on September 20th, 2018, from 5PM - 7PM PDT. The chat focused on The Hunter of Fenaur by CalimonGraal.

Featured Comment:

Chat:

RebelVampire

COMIC TEA PARTY- THURSDAY BOOK CLUB START!

Good evening, everyone~! This week’s Thursday Book Club is officially beginning! Today we are discussing The Hunter of Fenaur by CalimonGraal~! (http://hunter.fenauriverse.moe/)

Remember that Thursday discussions are completely freeform! However, every 30 minutes I will drop in OPTIONAL discussion questions in case you’d like a bit of a prompt. If you miss out on one of these prompts, you can find them pinned for the chat’s duration. Additionally, remember that while constructive criticism is allowed, our focus is fun and respectfully appreciating the comic. All that said, let’s begin! NOTE Disclaimer about today’s questions: Questions have been written with the assumption at least some people have only read The Hunter of Fenaur and not Cali’s other comics. Keep that in mind with your spoilers.

QUESTION 1. What is your favorite scene in the comic so far and why?

Superjustinbros

HELOO

Draco Plato

Hiiiii~!

I really enjoyed the restaurant scene, the facial expressions were adorable and I enjoyed the back and forth between the characters~!

RebelVampire

i really enjoyed iris being like whatever to how ever much money he was spending.

Superjustinbros

http://hunter.fenauriverse.moe/comic/43

This page gave me a good laugh

CalimonGraal

watching

Draco Plato

hahah I enjoyed that too

Superjustinbros

take it offfffff

RebelVampire

i actually think scene wise ivan getting to the place where thistle is dancing is my favorite. theres a lot of great illustrations and good energy.

Draco Plato

loooooooool

his little cameo in the back

ivan always showing up in the pervy places

Kabocha

I actually really liked chapter 3! http://hunter.fenauriverse.moe/comic/28 I relate so much to "holy crap everything here is expensive"

Iris, though... I mean, it's nice that he ordered what Thistle wanted, but... :| I feel like in some ways that's crossing a line

but he's trying to win Thistle over, so... I dunno, it's just something that makes me slightly uneasy.

CalimonGraal

haha i worried about that

RebelVampire

its okay for me i also wondered if thistle even wanted a pansket. cause thistle couldve just been looking for that under the assumption itd be the cheapest

Kabocha

Well, from a comic side, it's fine. It shows their personalities. But if it was me on that date, I'd be like... "wait what"

Draco Plato

i wondered that too rebel, lol

Kabocha

Thankfully it ended up being that's what Thistle wanted.

Draco Plato

yeah i felt like if that had been me i'd have been a bit offended, like iris was coming on way too forcefully(edited)

RebelVampire

nah personally im with you. i would be pissed if iris did that and would probably leave XD

Superjustinbros

http://hunter.fenauriverse.moe/comic/46 The bottom of this page

Draco Plato

what about it?

Superjustinbros

Oh wait, it was the one before it

Silly me

But good to see we got a dance lover in this story

Kabocha

Iris strikes me as wanting to unsettle thistle just a smidge. "Don't get too comfy"

RebelVampire

tbf i think that might be true. cause you dont want your persons of interest to be too comfy when youre getting ready for an interrogation

although alternatively, iris might just not get out much

and just thinks its normal

secretly this is iris' first date and he spent 2 hours deciding what to wear

Mharz

I have to say the restaurant scene. Thistle is so adorable eating those fancy food.

Draco Plato

takes two hours to decide what to wear and shows up in the same outfit XD

Superjustinbros

@RebelVampire Great, now I'm thinking of all the ways you can make someone comfy during an interrogation.

^That's me on a busy day

Mharz

Lol

RebelVampire

clearly iris decided that he should look casual and not come off as overly eager O_O

CalimonGraal

maybe iris did it this way so many times he thinks this is how a normal date is like

RebelVampire

iris is the victim of the gold diggers

which to be fair

fenaur is probably full of them

cause fenaur is a terrible planet /shot

Draco Plato

iris just showing off his rich fancy pants self

Superjustinbros

Iris and his pants

Draco Plato

Waiter, I'll buy the whole menu

actually surprised he didn't do that XD

Superjustinbros

"That'll be one million dollars."

Mharz

Ask the person to go on date. 5mins later... "Hey, are you the dude I'm looking for?"

Kabocha

LOL

"This is all business, no pleasure. That'll be in a few days."

RebelVampire

wait wait wait

http://hunter.fenauriverse.moe/comic/45

iris you cant wait till then to ask if youre making thistle uncomfy XD

that ship sailed at dinnedr

Draco Plato

riiiiight?

Superjustinbros

"This aint uncomfy at all"

Kabocha

"So you're wasting my time" No, hes getting paid

Draco Plato

I'm sorry is my stalker nature uncomfortable

Kabocha

the questions are less work aren't they xD(edited)

Draco Plato

i did wonder why iris didn't just pay for him and only talk

I thought it was kinda a jerk thing to actually use him as a whore by actually sleeping with him based on what his ambitions are

especially knowing that thistle isn't that into him atm

granted thistle said it was fine

but maybe that was just to shut iris up too

Kabocha

Honestly, it wasn't until chapter 4 page 15 that I actually imagined Thistle having a deeper voice. I'd imagined he was putting on a falsetto to sound demure and then on this page he's all like: "Hmph. I highly doubt it" And Iris is all like "Dropped the bass too soon"

Mharz

Thistle said his boss would be mad if he didn't do his job

Draco Plato

true but i mean sleeping with someone seems like a big deal, but that may just be me too

especially if you're mainly just trying to use them for something, it seems dishonest

RebelVampire

sleeping with someone can be a big deal but might be a better option than getting beaten.

Mharz

Fair

Kabocha

Iris was kind of trying to demand that he do what he paid for or gtfo

Draco Plato

yeah, and I think it works in story, but from a personal level I wouldn't consider it romantic at least

Kabocha

His boss could make a ton more money by treating these as therapy sessions tho

Mharz

Lol yeah

Kabocha

I mean, there's an entire industry based on cuddling

Draco Plato

riiiight?

and unless the boss is filming it he doesn't really know wtf they're doing in there

Superjustinbros

Oh yeah, Kabo's right

Gotta milk out all them monies

Kabocha

...I mean, they live in fenaur. ....................Therapy would be useful.

Draco Plato

truth

Mharz

There might be cctvs. The world may never know

RebelVampire

no no the planet has to be fixed first. cause otherwise therell never be enough theapists for the planet.

Superjustinbros

what about ciropractors

Kabocha

at the risk of being gross -- I would think the boss is happier with clients that talk instead of have sex -- means less to clean up...

Draco Plato

oh that's a good point

Kabocha

You don't have to pay for laundry or cleaner or anything!

THISTLE, MAKE THIS A BUSINESS PLAN ALREADY

Draco Plato

on fenaur i doubt they'd do that anyway

Superjustinbros

True.

Kabocha

ew, ew ewwwwww

Draco Plato

omg that room is probably so filthy

Superjustinbros

Sex can be fun sometimes but good god it's messy as hell

Kabocha

never enter a Fenaurian brothel. Or at least don't--- take a black light in there

........rip

Draco Plato

rip PG chat

Mharz

Lol

Kabocha

Realistically, the bigger problem is people who fall asleep and drool on the pillows

THISTLE

Superjustinbros

UGH I HATE WHEN I DO THAT

RebelVampire

thistle now owes the boss an extra $10,000 for the pillow

Superjustinbros

That's why I always sleep on my back

Draco Plato

they didn't even spoon, gosh

Kabocha

http://hunter.fenauriverse.moe/comic/50 These pillows are probably just covered in drool.

Mharz

Omg

RebelVampire

to iris' credit, he at least commented what he did felt wrong

Draco Plato

drool and sweat

Mharz

And some other unmentionable stuff

Draco Plato

Iris: I feel so wrong, if i stay longer maybe there'll be a round 2

CalimonGraal

loooooool

Mharz

Pft

If I stay longer, maybe I can examine him more.

/shots(edited)

Draco Plato

gotta look over his body again

for "clues"

RebelVampire

jokes on you thistle has all the answers inked on his back

Mharz

Lmao

Draco Plato

liiiiies

Kabocha

cough

RebelVampire

QUESTION 2. Though Thistle and Iris grow close rather quickly, much is left to mystery. Who exactly do you think Thistle is? Is Iris right in that Thistle is connected to Dezar in some way? Alternatively, do you think the resemblance is a red herring? Whichever the case, do you think Thistle knows more about Dezar than he lets on? If so, why would he keep it secret? What do you think Thistle’s past is, especially in regards to the pain that Iris keeps mentioning he sees? Do you think Iris will be able to help Thistle in regards to his past, or is Thistle going to be forever haunted?

Kabocha

Thistle didn't let him see his back, so

I think Thistle is Dezar. But we'll see!

Mharz

I like Thistle's reaction when Iris mentioned the name Dezar

Draco Plato

I think Thistle is some kind of plant

Kabocha

Thistle doesn't want his rap as a monster gettin' out, so he's like, ooph, gotta look cute! MAGIC, GOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Superjustinbros

Did someone say rap

Mharz

Thistle is a flower literally iirc

RebelVampire

draco no

Mharz

Lol

RebelVampire

thistle was a planet monster all along

Superjustinbros

EPIC RAP BATTLE START

Kabocha

I have thistles in my yard

should I pull them up

Mharz

Clearly the solution to heal thistle is to give him fancy food

Draco Plato

maybe Thistle is his missing uncle

in disguise

Mharz

Gasp

Draco Plato

and that's why thistle was like no this is bad but then was like well okay, for my cute nephew

Mharz

It is high likely that Thistle is Dezar tho becos it was mentioned Dezar can shapeshift.

RebelVampire

draco no

bad draco

Mharz

Altho by that logic Dezar can also be one of thistles pillows.

Draco Plato

and then he becomes his wife

and it's beautiful

RebelVampire

but i am going to post a theory draco stated yesterday elsewhere

“maybe thistle is a sleeper agent

and was ordered to kill iris, and this is all a trap he set up to entice him”

CalimonGraal

a pillow that thistle drooled on

Draco Plato

oh thank you cause i couldn't remember the real theories I had XD

Kabocha

So thistle is Dezar XD

but Dezar is the sleeper agent of DESTRUCTION

Draco Plato

gdi

thistle cannot be dezar

Mharz

Gasp

Draco Plato

madness

Kabocha

Why's that

Draco Plato

because one has black hair

Kabocha

So? XD

Draco Plato

and their face markings are different, gosh

and they have different clothes!

RebelVampire

another of draco's darker theories

“they just happen to be the same height

maybe dezar brainwashed iris into loving him

and replaced thistle in his mind”

Mharz

He's one of the pillows

Draco Plato

ah okay that was the better theory

RebelVampire

even tho that tech be psychteria spoilers but w/e

Mharz

Lol

Draco Plato

flails over multiple story confusion

RebelVampire

cause atm i think most of us here have read psychteria anyway

Mharz

Yas

Draco Plato

true

Kabocha

Yep.

RebelVampire

wait @CalimonGraal have you read psychteria? /shot

Draco Plato

looooool

Tenor | Shinavar

Gasp Such spoilers how dare

Mharz

Pft

Tenor | Shinavar

(I'M SLOW SORRY EVERYTHING HAPPENING AT ONCE WILL ANSWER Q'S IN A BIT)

Kabocha

Zage had been changed, but. I mean like. ................Why can't Dezar have been changed to Thistle and then back?

Draco Plato

cause OvO;;;

Tenor | Shinavar

Would explain a lot tbh - serious mental damage

Mharz

<.<

Draco Plato

internal screaming

Kabocha

we know almost nothing about Dezar aside from him being a super murderer

I'll never forgive him for what he did to Jamie's mooooooooom

Draco Plato

it's sad the song Stacy's mom started playing in my head(edited)

Mharz

Kabocha no spillerz

Tenor | Shinavar

-Holds back my own screaming about Jamie's mom-

Kabocha

Hunter takes place AFTER Chronicles, so...

are they spoilers?

are they really

Mharz

Lol

RebelVampire

dezar couldnt live with what he did to jamie's mom either so said "plz employers i want to forget." so they made him into thistle. but then thistle regained dezar memories anyway cause employers sucked.

Tenor | Shinavar

THat's fair

CalimonGraal

hunter does indeed take place a lot of years after chronicles

lol

Tenor | Shinavar

Wait why just Jamie's mom tho

and not like the whole neighborhood he nuked/moved

Draco Plato

cause she baked cookies

and we like cookies

Tenor | Shinavar

-Snert-

Fair

Mharz

Lol

Tenor | Shinavar

We need dem cookies

Draco Plato

what's life without cookies

come back mom

RebelVampire

fenaur clearly doesnt have cookies

Tenor | Shinavar

...Does Iris make some fine cookies?

RebelVampire

its like the most luxury item

Mharz

Dezar actually just want cookies

Draco Plato

Iris certainly does some fine baking in the bedroom

Mharz

Pretty sure Iris can do anything

Draco Plato

except be tall

Mharz

Rip

Draco Plato

Iris brings a box to stand on from now on

RebelVampire

im so glad i was not drinking anything in that moment.

Mharz

No workout will save him from that

Sorry Iris

RebelVampire

i like the sleep agent theory because it makes iris bumping into thistle less of a coincidence

Draco Plato

I do too

Superjustinbros

Lol, yes.

Tenor | Shinavar

Saaaame

Draco Plato

cause it puts thistle more in control than it seems like

thistle laying in bed like all according to keikaku

Tenor | Shinavar

kasjdhLKASJDH.

Mharz

OwO

Tenor | Shinavar

New level of Voyuerism right there

RebelVampire

as long as thistle is still drooling while thinking that

Draco Plato

well he's thinking about jamie's mom's cookies then

Tenor | Shinavar

Or exhibitionist. Or both. \

HHH-

Mharz

He's drooling about food and other stuffs

Tenor | Shinavar

LOL omg

BL doesn't stand for boy love it's Bake Love

Mharz

Pretty sure he wished Iris brought more strawberry cakes

Superjustinbros

I heard strawberry cakes

Mharz

Yas

RebelVampire

ya know iris really should have

Superjustinbros

strawberry cakes for everyone

Mharz

Right?

RebelVampire

cause bribery is another option for getting ppl to talk

Draco Plato

Iris: I know you're not happy to see me, but- BUT- I brought cake, so

Mharz

"Hey uh I brought you strawberry cakes, tell me, are you Dezar?"

Draco Plato

Thistle: eating the cake MMmmmmph?

Mharz

Lol

Draco Plato

Thistle: Man you're focused on this Dezar guy, just go sleep with him then fume fume

Mharz

I heard Dezar likes strawberry cakes too

Draco Plato

Thistle: Who told you that???

Thistle: I mean.... cough I don't care, who cares, who's Dezar, who's cake

RebelVampire

thistle and dezar are really brothers. and the pain iris is always seeing is thsitle remembering that time dezar stole his cake

Draco Plato

inwardly he's just cursing him in his mind

Mharz

He stole the entire thing

Draco Plato

maybe dezar is his split personality

Mharz

Not even a morsel was left

Draco Plato

maybe they're conjoined twins

in their soul

RebelVampire

split personalities opens hilarious doors

iris and thistle sleep together

iris wakes up

surprise dezar is in bed with him

Mharz

Lol

Superjustinbros

"Wake up, sweetie"

Draco Plato

Oh no, I was supposed to capture him but instead I captured his heart

Mharz

Or rather his heart was captured

CalimonGraal

loooool

iris is a pokemon trainer

catches hearts

RebelVampire

hey the king just wanted dezar contained. iris is choosing to contain dezar with love.

Draco Plato

Iris: It's okay, I've contained him in my bedroom sparkles

Mharz

It still works in a way.

Tenor | Shinavar

(I admit minor disappointment in Iris no having candy crush on his phone)

Mharz

Pft

Draco Plato

loooool

RebelVampire

hey maybe we just didnt see it

Mharz

He already finished it

Superjustinbros

>Candy Crush

Eww(edited)

RebelVampire

thats what he did after buying thistle's time

Mharz

So he deleted the app

xxbonecrusher

Hello

Kabocha

he probably had sailormoon drops if he wanted suffering

Draco Plato

Hi Bone~!

Mharz

Hi bone(edited)

RebelVampire

hello bone~!

Superjustinbros

eey Bone~

Tenor | Shinavar

“1. What is your favorite scene in the comic so far and why?”

THe dinner scene: Because Iris comes off so much like a sugar daddy it's killing me.

“2. Though Thistle and Iris grow close rather quickly, much is left to mystery. Who exactly do you think Thistle is? Is Iris right in that Thistle is connected to Dezar in some way? Alternatively, do you think the resemblance is a red herring? Whichever the case, do you think Thistle knows more about Dezar than he lets on? If so, why would he keep it secret? What do you think Thistle’s past is, especially in regards to the pain that Iris keeps mentioning he sees? Do you think Iris will be able to help Thistle in regards to his past, or is Thistle going to be forever haunted?”

I wasn't under the impression they're close at all. Just because you pay to do the deed don't mean jack and neither have been very forthcoming without having serious strings attached/one hell of a mental game of chess going on. DUE TO SPOILERS I can't answer some of this but yeah I like the secret agent idea going around.

Superjustinbros

Seems like the dinner scene is a fav

Draco Plato

it was a good scene

full of emotion

RebelVampire

sorry thistle, no one cares about your dancing. your performance calling is eating(edited)

Tenor | Shinavar

I'm just hooked on the idea Iris is SO USED to being rich any concept around it is kjust mind boggling to him

Draco Plato

thistle was showing much leg

Mharz

Rip

Tenor | Shinavar

To the point he's forgoing so many social norms apparently hhhh

Mharz

Iris is secretly a prince

Superjustinbros

legs

Iris is now our price

RebelVampire

iris was the king's son all along!

Superjustinbros

it's all in the l e g s

Tenor | Shinavar

I'd believe it

Draco Plato

le gasp

RebelVampire

the king just wanted an excuse to meet his son

Tenor | Shinavar

Boi gotta earn his lavish lifestyle

Mharz

Becos he can probably get anything with cash

CalimonGraal

looool

i imagined iris in a prince outfit now

Mharz

Yes

Tenor | Shinavar

Next time he pays for Thistle - meet him in the room already dressed

Superjustinbros

yessss

CalimonGraal

prince iris's actual plan; make thistle into one of his concubines

//lolno

Tenor | Shinavar

IDK I'D BELIEVE IT

Draco Plato

i'd buy it

RebelVampire

nope this is the new canon

iris is a prince

its how he got his sassy walk

Tenor | Shinavar

SO MUCH IS EXPLAINED

RebelVampire

iris also intends to overthrow his father

which explains psychteria

all the pieces fall into place

Superjustinbros

and then we put them back together?

RebelVampire

??? not sure what your meaning is?

Mharz

Fnaf ref(edited)

Draco Plato

if it wasn't in a song I won't get FnaF refs

RebelVampire

QUESTION 3. In recent times, Iris seems to more or less have convinced Thistle to help him. Do you think Thistle will indeed help Iris, or will Thistle throw in the towel for some reason? Similarly, will Iris still want Thistle’s help after they’ve been together for some time? Besides information, how do you foresee Thistle might help Iris? Given Thistle’s fear of his boss, do you think Thistle and Iris will suffer consequences for Thistle trying to leave? Assuming the two manage to find Dezar, what do you think will happen in that case? Lastly, what events in general do you foresee might bring the pair closer together?

Draco Plato

so many questions

Mharz

Somehow I think Thistle will mislead him

Draco Plato

i think foreshadowing has been set up for the boss being hard to get away from

so it seems like he'll be an obstacle at some point because of that

if Thistle were Dezar why would he be so afraid of the boss

what is the boss's secrets

is he a titan

CalimonGraal

the boss is scary

Draco Plato

he don't look scary

Tenor | Shinavar

I'm waiting for Thistle to like; milk Iris dry. "Do you like this?" "SLip me a $20 and I'll tell you" /shot

Draco Plato

he totally should, LOL

Tenor | Shinavar

But nah; the way things sounds there's gotta be a conract on Thistle or something that money alone would prevent him from being able to escape - though with Iris' penchance to just kill and ask questions later in case he was heavily mistaken <_< He's gotta be a top grade A badass for that to just not happen either

THe boss I mean being a badass

RebelVampire

thistle agreed to help cause hes like "clearly this dude wants to be my sugar daddy. time to leave and get to wear jewels and fine fabric outfits all the time."

Tenor | Shinavar

Exactly

Draco Plato

buy me a penthouse sugardaddy

Mharz

Lol

RebelVampire

i would assume the boss has minions so maybe it doesnt matter if the boss is scary or not if the minions are scary

and secretly titans

Tenor | Shinavar

True

Draco Plato

i wonder how strong thistle is

Tenor | Shinavar

Either way something has to exist to prevent Iris' murder itch

strong enough to fireman carry Iris when he's being a shit

Draco Plato

cause if he were dezar on that hypothetical than why would an immortal fear anyone

Tenor | Shinavar

Hm.

THat would fall into the sleeper agent idea, wouldn't it?

If he doesn't know he's immortal-

Draco Plato

true

or if he's a sleeper agent for an organization and not dezar than it could all be a ruse

Tenor | Shinavar

Tho TBF - if you were immortal would you still want to go through pain and live your life on the run?

RebelVampire

if this is the case, thistle is gonna get stabbed, almost die, but then not die and be like "wtf is going on"

Draco Plato

maybe he's trying to have the boss kill iris

Tenor | Shinavar

OH GOD REBEL

Draco Plato

looooool

Tenor | Shinavar

Iris holding him sobbing hysterically in a pool of blood

Thistle just coughs and sits up like "who died wtf iris"

Draco Plato

stop blubbering like a baby you loser, i'm fine

Tenor | Shinavar

-choke- "tis but a flesh wound"

Draco Plato

omg XDD

Tenor | Shinavar

I was about to cheer I didn't feel old

then I remembered we're the same age

OTL

Draco Plato

it's okay, we're old together

kabo and rebel got it too i'm sure

Tenor | Shinavar

wheeze

mathtans

I liked the scene where Iris was all "I will buy all of your knives ... also I will take a couple right now because evil is afoot!"

Draco Plato

i wondered why iris didn't bring his own weapons

after he'd been preparing for days

but then didn't bring weapons XD

mathtans

Left them in the last person he killed. Can always buy more.

Tenor | Shinavar

I want to pretend he did

Draco Plato

pulled a deadpool and left them in the car

Tenor | Shinavar

but left them in the bike

Draco Plato

YUP

Tenor | Shinavar

Cause he's kinda 'derp' about social norms - so I like to think he's one of those people who never failed a lot?

Cause he acts like someone who doesn't know much failure in life <_<

mathtans

Tried spoons on the last mission, they didn't go so hot, needs to buy his knives back.

Mharz

He never picks the knives once he threw it

Superjustinbros

what about forks

mathtans

Had watched 'The Tick' too much.

Draco Plato

when in doubt use cutlery

mathtans

But get the cake to go.

Tenor | Shinavar

hhhhhh

RebelVampire

yes i concur with tenor, that iris isnt well adapted to failure

minus whatever might have happened with his uncle

thistle is not helping iris' ego

Tenor | Shinavar

YeAH

THistle's gonna make it worse I bet

mathtans

Thistle finds Dezar, Dezar says "I am your father", and Thistle helps him escape from Iris.

Draco Plato

oh that could be

dezar could be his dad

cause there was the orphan comment on thistle's end

mathtans

Yis. Dezar gave him up for adoption because people were trying to kill him.

Dezar that is, not Thistle.

Tenor | Shinavar

Would Dezar know tho, bc mom and all that?

mathtans

Don't want to give assassins someone who's a relative to target.

Draco Plato

men give birth a lot on fenaur

Tenor | Shinavar

OH RIGHT

I forgot that

RebelVampire

especially shape shifter men

Tenor | Shinavar

...WHat if the original Dezar is gonna die thanks to Iris but then Thistle changes his identity to Dezar to escape his boss?

Mharz

I ended up thinking of seahorse

I was thinking the boss know who dezar is

Iris shouldve bribed him first

Tenor | Shinavar

Fffft

RebelVampire

i like it cause its ironic, that this immortal dezar actually wasnt so immortal after all

i mean really

where is the king's info coming from

Draco Plato

ponyville

mathtans

Dezar isn't really immortal, it's just he keeps giving the title over to another shapeshifter. Thistle is next Dezar.

Draco Plato

O_O

Tenor | Shinavar

This is true. And look at how rumors/legends get around

Draco Plato

that'd be neat tho if it was just an assassin name or something

Mharz

Gasp

mathtans

It's like that pirate king in "Princess Bride".

Mharz

Dezar is the avatar

mathtans

Roberts.

Draco Plato

yus, that's who i was thinking of too

Tenor | Shinavar

Superjustinbros

Robertsons?

mathtans

Or maybe Iris is the next Dezar. Takes on the mantle to protect Thistle from people who think Thistle is Dezar.

Draco Plato

that'd be neat

but iris so short

mathtans

Stilts.

Draco Plato

they're like storm troopers, gotta be 6ft

RebelVampire

guy who knew the last dezar meets iris dezar, is like "hey did you get shorter"

Draco Plato

then iris pulls out his box and stands on it and says call me short now O_O

mathtans

More like pulls out knives.

Draco Plato

real question is does iris' stature hint at him being the uke

in the future that is

RebelVampire

only if we apply the anime ruleset

mathtans

That means he plays the ukulele in bed?

Draco Plato

now that i know zage is pronounced like mage I feel like anime logic is lost

that's exactly what it means math

mathtans

Problematic if there's no strings attached.

Draco Plato

LOL

noice

CalimonGraal

omg

Draco Plato

awww wouldn't it be cool if Thistle were a living doll

Mharz

I always thought it's pronounced like that

mathtans

I think I ship.... the booth bunnies in Panel 2 here. http://hunter.fenauriverse.moe/comic/9

RebelVampire

i cant unpicture iris playing a ukulele in bed now. and thistle waking up being like wtf im trying to sleep

Draco Plato

oh no i didn't even notice them before, they're cute

CalimonGraal

thistle would make a pretty doll

Draco Plato

Iris: It's because I'm the Uke, this is what I do

RebelVampire

yeah cali's background characters are actually pretty interesting and cute if you take the time to look

Draco Plato

They are, it's true

mathtans

Rebel: Thistle can play the seme instrument.

CalimonGraal

looooooool

RebelVampire

QUESTION 4. Despite the comic’s infancy, there are several mini mysteries that have been hinted at throughout. Who do you think was the mysterious stranger who glared at Thistle and Iris on their “date?” Is it no one, someone from Thistle’s past, someone from Iris’ past, or someone tied to the story in a different way? What do you think the stranger wants from Thistle and/or Iris? Further, Iris has mentioned a missing uncle. What do you think happened to Iris’ uncle? Do you think hunting Dezar will help Iris find him? If so, how? If not, do you think Iris will give up the search or suffer through it for years to come? Lastly, who the heck is Dezar? How do you think he became immortal, and do you think there is an actual way for Iris to defeat someone so dangerous?

mathtans

Let's hear it for background characters!

RebelVampire

aww ukelele duets

mathtans

Like duelling banjos but with more gay.

RebelVampire

rubs hands together cause some of those questions you cant have answers to just from reading cali's other comics

Mharz

I thought it was the boss

Kabocha

I step away to get dinner and come back to conspiracy theories and avatar talk!

Superjustinbros

welcome back~

Kabocha

I'm proud of you all. Anyway, who glared at Thistle and Iris? Probably Iris' boss.

mathtans

The stranger wants to know where to get cool knives and birthmarks like them.

Kabocha

Iris has probably been told not to sleep with his marks.

Repeatedly. AND THEN IT HAPPENED AGAIN.

CalimonGraal

iris pls

mathtans

Or possibly the stranger just wants a nice cake, like Thistle got.

Kabocha

Iris is a walking HR complaint.

Thistle was seduced by cake. :3

Superjustinbros

Seduce the cake back

RebelVampire

gonna give some help http://hunter.fenauriverse.moe/comic/25 glare-y person http://hunter.fenauriverse.moe/comic/43 who we can assume is the boss

mathtans

The missing uncle is actually the guy who was selling gym equipment at the sales day. Disguised. Been tracking Iris for a while.

While the Glare-y person is Thistle's ex-boyfriend.

Or maybe that's the other way around.

RebelVampire

just watched them at the restaurant the whole time thinking "how dare you buy thistle cake you date stealer"

Kabocha

WAIT IS THAT GLARING PERSON............................................ Whatishname

Sen

mathtans

"how dare you go to the one restaurant I cannot afford"

CalimonGraal

i'm not sure if sen was born yet when HoF happened

RebelVampire

no shush cali

its sen

Kabocha

Sen's father! Or grandfather!

mathtans

Sen is also immortal now.

CalimonGraal

loooooool

Kabocha

Sen's memories of his sister are fake.

RebelVampire

maybe it is sen's father tho

Kabocha

She was ACTUALLY his handler and the mastermind of the Psyc/ --cue Kabocha being dragged off for spoilers

RebelVampire

rip XD my theory is its iris' debt collector. iris isnt rich, he just maxes out his credit cards

Superjustinbros

Good idea

Kabocha

GASP! He's gonna break Iris' knees

CalimonGraal

iris trying to impress everyone how rich he is

mathtans

I like that one. Collects debts by taking Iris' boyfriends.

CalimonGraal

has trashcans full of dead cards

mathtans

Or maybe it's a ukulele salesman. ducks runs

Kabocha

What if it's really Dezar with some foundation to cover up his eye marks

mathtans

Or it's Thistle's makeup specialist/manicurist.

RebelVampire

or both O_O dezar quit being a murderer and switched careers but had to hide lest the past follow him

Kabocha

"If he eats cake he's going to ruin his lipstick!!"

Superjustinbros

r.i.p. lipstick

RebelVampire

after thistle ran out he approached thistle and said how dare, now we have to go redo all your makeup

Superjustinbros

what color lipstick does he wear

Kabocha

Black.

Like Iris' heart.

CalimonGraal

like his soul

or that

mathtans

On the topic of how do you trap a person who's immortal... maybe pin them to a wall with knives? Or dig a pit and put tasty cake on top as a trap? (Does Dezar like cake too?)(edited)

Superjustinbros

that sounds brutal

RebelVampire

iris has black everything. black heart, black soul, etc.

CalimonGraal

he likes to paint it all black

mathtans

Black beard?

RebelVampire

i mean tbf being immortal doesnt auto mean youre super invulnerable

Superjustinbros

Black lipstick

RebelVampire

so maybe they just pin dezar to the wall

leave him

CalimonGraal

he still feels pain

RebelVampire

and dezar is just trapped forever

mathtans

Dezar's the pin-up boy.

CalimonGraal

omg

RebelVampire

ppl stop by every tuesday to throw tomatos at him

mathtans

Or cake.

Kabocha

His feelings can be hurt.

CalimonGraal

hes secretly quasimoto

RebelVampire

Iris: You have split ends and your skin is dry. Dezar: cries forever

CalimonGraal

looooooool

RebelVampire

on a diff note, maybe iris' uncle is the king O_O and iris just doesnt realize it cause the king looks like a kid

Superjustinbros

Maybe

mathtans

Oh, right, the King. Hmm, maybe Dezar and the King have a bet going, that's how the whole thing started. It's why Iris had to swear to the consequences and all.

RebelVampire

the king and dezar are teaching iris a lesson about failure

since iris doesnt know about failure

mathtans

That's actually a pretty valid point. They already tried to do it through the debt collector and it didn't work.

Superjustinbros

lol

mathtans

Iris does seem to be rethinking things towards the end there though. That's interesting.

RebelVampire

yes, iris does have a conscience

maybe during his journey iris is going to find out dezar killed his uncle, thus giving him personal incenetive for his hunt. only to find out that his uncle was a terrible person.

mathtans

That would be an interesting twist.

Superjustinbros

mathtans

Or it was an uncle-Dezar duel, and they both attacked, except for the immortality thing guaranteeing a win.

(Or is Dezar the uncle?)

RebelVampire

gasp

Superjustinbros

Anyways I guess since time's almost up, I'd like to say good luck with the rest of the comic, Cali. You have a great story going on here and it's backed up with some cool art (and cute bois).

Draco Plato

I think it's a fun read and the dialogue is well written

mathtans

Yeah, big universe there, much going on!

RebelVampire

but that is an interesting point. dezar can just always win by challenging to duels and then surprise, hes immortal

can never lose

try try again O_O

CalimonGraal

thank :"3

mathtans

Maybe that's why the King wants him dead. Accidentally accepted a duel next month.

CalimonGraal

looooooool

Kabocha

Cali - I look forward to reading more!

Superjustinbros

You're welcome

And I second Kabo~

RebelVampire

COMIC TEA PARTY- THURSDAY BOOK CLUB END!

Sadly, this wraps up this week’s Thursday Book Club chat for now. Thank you so much to everyone for reading and joining us! We want to give a special thank you to CalimonGraal, as well, for making The Hunter of Fenaur. If you liked the comic, make sure to support CalimonGraal’s efforts however you’re able to~!

Read and Comment: http://hunter.fenauriverse.moe/

CalimonGraal’s Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/CalimonGraal

CalimonGraal’s Twitter: https://twitter.com/CalimonGraal

CalimonGraal’s Discord Server: https://discord.gg/pAjPAfu

Comic Tea Party- Thursday Book Club

Next week’s Thursday Book Club will be about Heart of Keol by keiiii. For participants, you have the next week to read as much of the comic as you would like~! We hope to see you on Thursday, September 27th, from 5PM to 7PM PDT for the chat in #thursday_bookclub! @keii4ii Comic’s Main Site: http://www.heartofkeol.com/

Comic’s Tapas Mirror: < https://tapas.io/series/keol/%3E

Comic’s ComicFury Mirror: http://keol.webcomic.ws/

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