A Fair Exchange L ~ Aemond Targaryen x Reader/OC (Angst)
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Summary: We shall have to see how they settle in
Warning: bullying, blood, mention and threat of violence and death, mutilation, mention of torture and death, childbirth, injury, misogyny. Expect canon conforming tone and language. (18/21+)
[Series Masterlist]
Previously
Part L
Not even the soothing rhythm of the incoming waves, breaking just below, was enough to rock her restless mind to something at least resembling a sense of calm.
Usually, the waves brought her comfort and washed away her fear.
It did help, just not how she was used to it. There was still an undercurrent of fear, of doubt, of worry, just below the surface that no high sea could cleanse from her, and no dragonfire could purge.
The war, she thought. It was only natural to be nervous in war, to fear the morning and the reports it could bring, to feel someone’s stomach flutter at the mention of battle and the risk and uncertainty that came with it.
But it wasn’t the war. If it had been she would have seen ships in her mind, would hear the bastardisation of Valyrian in the tongues of the Free Cities or even dread the sands of Dorne.
Her mind though was made restless in the absence of tasks she had forced to occupy both body and mind.
Now there was no Jaehaera to soothe, no Luke to comfort, no Aemond.
She had relied on him, had to rely on him for all of their survival, and now in his absence her subconscious searched for him and the minimum of comfort and security his presence had provided her, the only sense of security for so long.
But he was gone now, back in King’s Landing, and she was home. So there was no reason for her mind to travel to him.
The twist of the handle alerted her of an incoming visitor before the door swung open.
She sat up but when she saw it was her twin, she sank back down against the pillows.
“Jacie!”, Viserys cooed from his place on the carpet where he had been playing with his toys.
“What are you playing, huh?”, he asked as he crouched down beside him, picking up a carved elephant and moving it around.
For a while she watched them play. They could not have looked more different if they tried, Jace with his dark eyes and hair, Viserys with his silver hair and the eyes of Old Valyria.
Quickly Jace’s elephants had helped build a fort or tear it down - she wasn’t entirely sure of the matter - and he got up, sitting down the edge of her bed next to where she had her feet resting upon a blanket.
“How are you feeling?”, he asked, fishing for her hand.
“Tired.”, she complained, a hint of accusation in her tone.
“We’re not letting you have any more.”, he said sharply, his face turning to stone. Luke had tattled about the amount of Sweetsleep it needed for her to truly go to sleep, and the amount had horrified the Maester. No more. Not for her, not for at least another five years.
And since she could not sleep without dreaming or thinking of Dorne and all the horrors it had brought, she scarcely slept through the night, unless she was with Tyseleys. But those dreams left her tired too, as if she had never slept at all.
When Jace asked her, his voice was hushed as if he was sharing a terrible secret. Maybe he was. Maybe it was horrible, horrible and wrong and bad. She did it all the same.
“Yes.”, she confirmed. “I flew along the coast, almost down to the Stepstones. Then Viserys woke me.”
“Tyseleys flew.”, Jace corrected. When she had presented it as her deed he had flinched. To him, it was still a blend of the two fo them, as he couldn’t fully accept that it was her acting, her doing, her choosing where he went and what he did.
“Jace…”, she began.
“Don’t. I know, I just…”, he shook his head, sighing deeply. “I don’t know what to say or do.”
This was yet another of the many things causing him turmoil, and she hated the fact that it was of her doing, if accidental.
“Daemon says its a power we should harness.”
“Which is why you shouldn’t talk to Daemon about it!”, he hissed. “It’s all he wants, war and glory and fire and blood.”
“We are Targaryens, Jace. It’s who we are, besides, we have a Kingdom to defend. Mother’s kingdom, and then yours or have you forgotten?”
“No.”, he hissed. “But I will not have you risking yourself.”
His voice broke as he inched closer.
“I only just got you back. And after everything-”
Once more he broke off and shook his head, unable to force his tongue to form the words his mind wasn’t yet ready to accept.
She knew he struggled with the fact that they had not known Dorne would side with the Free Cities, had no idea of the risk they had all been placed in, and wouldn’t have been able to help them in their trials.
While Dorne’s betrayal only fueled Daemon’s deadly fire, and Rhaenys’ too, it ate at Jace and their mother’s conscience, the potential of all that could have happened hanging over them like a sword.
She had known it form the moment she had set her gaze back on them, and had carefully chosen her words, leaving out much and more of their tale.
How could she tell her brother, who was good and kind and preparing to be a benevolent king one day of the man in the streets of Sunspear who lay dead for the crime of being concerned for the peace in his street, slain by Aemond for her sake.
How could she confess to her mother that she had driven a knife of her own into the stomach of some unsuspecting guard, had felt his blood warm on the skin of the same hands that now bathed and caressed her little brothers?
And the play - she had not even told Luke he had been depicted as little more than a babe to the maiden that was savaged by the beast they had made Aemond out to be. How could she turn to Daemon and tell him of the pain their lie, their scheme had caused not just him but her too?
She simply could not tell them, could not stand the thought of them knowing and treating her differently, accordingly. And so she could not share it with them, her doubt, her fear, the content of her nightmares. Only Aemond knew, she thought. He was the only one who knew what she had done, but now he was in King’s Landing.
Maybe that was a mercy, since now she did not have to debate of whether to turn to him or not. She shouldn’t, that she knew, but a part of her yearned to share her burden or at least speak of it.
Sometimes, when she thought of Dorne, she simply did not have the words, not for her deeds, not for her feelings.
So she kept them to herself, from Jace, Baela and Rhaena, from her mother and Daemon, even from Luke.
But what her brother did know, he told freely, and in great detail. It seemed easier for him, to open the flood gates to their experience, as he described in detail how they snuck into Planky Town, how the skill of dice and the loss of jewelry gave them coin and information.
That had even earned him praise from Corlys and Daemon, how they had stolen the ship and sailed it all around - which had gotten him more praise from his Velaryon grandfather, Baela and sweet Rhaena.
Rightful praise it was, and still it sounded cruel to her ears.
They had killed to get to Planky Town. They had killed to get the boat.
The blood was on her hands, and on Aemond’s, staining them forever in a pact of silence for as long as only they knew, as long as their hands held the taint and their souls bore the weight, Luke’s was lighter.
She would not let her brother blame himself for what they had to do. It was her burden, as the elder, and Aemond’s too.
During their escape they had shared it, but now she was all alone, with no one to share her truth with.
If she told Jace, he would tell Luke. If she told Baela, Rhaena would know soon enough and it would get back to him. Mother would treat her differently, Daemon would too.
Perhaps Daemon would even praise her, but she did not wish for praise. She did not feel deserving of it.
Survival was not an accomplishment, it was the bare minimum they had lied, cheated and murdered for.
She told them what they had to know, of the Dornish Lords and Ladies, their attendance at the feasts and their behaviour, of the ships in the harbour and the sailor’s talk. She told them of Criston’s hand too, but not of his iron grip and cruel words.
Repeating them would only breathe life into them more, and it would have caused Rhaena greater pain.
One day she would see him dead for what he did to her sister, for what he had promised yet to do.
Funny how the weight of the taken lives weighed so heavy and yet the desire for one more burned as brightly as the midday sun on the open bay.
For him she would feel not an ounce of guilt, of that she was convinced.
“Have you tried exercise before sleep?”, Jace asked. “It helps, I hear. If you are exhausted I mean.”
She huffed, unable to hide her apathy. She could try swimming; she had once enjoyed the sweet ache of strained muscles while letting her body bake in the sun after, but now the seawater tasted of desperation and fear, and the doubt of whether she would get herself and Aemond to the ship safely.
It was the same sea, after all.
But she wouldn’t run circles around the dining table to achieve the same goal.
Jace noted the disinterest in her gaze, blushed bright red and looked at his lap.
“I’ve not seen Alyn around much.”, he said, shifting in his own discomfort.
“He’ll be at the docks, with Addam.”, she said. That was where he always was. That man was half sea, half merman, if anything. There was saltwater in his veins, as much as blood. If not more since what little blood he had was laced with that of House Velaryon.
He was made for the salt, the sea, the sands, preferring the comfort of seagulls and waves to most men. If Jace wanted to look for him, he would find him there.
“Around you, I mean.”, he said, his brow raised.
“Oh.”, she said, blinking. “Well…It’s been busy.”
She had returned, had revelled in the embrace of her mother, her siblings - finding comfort in their arms and presence, feeling cleansed by their closeness.
How she had missed them.
She had missed Alyn too. She remembered missing him, thinking of him, of his touch, the never-ceasing calm that radiated from him, his skill and courage.
She had missed him, yes, but after she had returned, she hadn’t felt the need to seek him out. She hadn’t thought of him at all, now that he mentioned it.
“Perhaps someone could ease your troubles. Alyn, or someone else.”
He choked the words out in such an ungallant way, she had to take a moment to understand his meaning.
Did her brother, her twin, her Prince, really want her to take a paramour? Was he asking her to? Telling her to? Allowing her to?
He glanced at her, saw her surprise and quickly looked away.
“It’s just a suggestion.”, he mumbled. “It doesn’t mean Alyn, or someone else. Or in that way. A companion, maybe.”
She scoffed once more.
“I don’t want anyone, Jace. I just want-”
In truth, she didn’t really know what she wanted, or who, or if she wanted anything.
Perhaps she should just get up, walk out to Tyseleys and fly to the end of the world. There would be no war there, no sins waiting to be discovered, no emptiness in her heart.
But there would be no home there, no family, and she could never abandon them.
“I’ll fly out tomorrow.”, she said. “Daemon will take me.”
“No.”, Jace said, alert as if she had struck him.
“What?”
“Not you. And certainly not with Daemon.”
“Jace-”
“No!”
He jumped to his feet, hands coiled into fists.
She sat up in her bed, glaring at him.
For a few moments, their eyes met in a fiery stalemate. They were too much alike not to notice the flames in the other’s gaze. They were twins after all, created, formed and birthed together.
“I will not wait out this war.”, she said.
“No one is asking you to. But there is no need for you to put yourself at risk.”, he argued.
“Tyseleys is our third-strongest dragon.”
“But he does not know war. You do not know war!”, he argued, trying his hardest to keep his voice down to prevent Viserys from hearing it.
I know killing, she thought. I know death and fear and desperation.
By all she had heard of war, that seemed to cover it just fine.
“Our father did not know war before the Stepstones and Seasmoke was a third the size of Tyseleys.”, she reminded him. Back then Rhaenys and Daemon had instructed him. Now they would instruct her.
“That was different.”, Jace mumbled.
“Why?”, she snapped.
“You know why.”
“Why?”, she hissed again.
Say it, she dared, fire rising inside her. Say it coward!
“Because you’re a girl.”
She snarled under her breath.
Rhaenys was a woman and she yet fought. Her mother was a woman and she was a Queen.
“Is Vhagar any more deadly when ridden by a man?”, she asked. “Is Meleys any less under our Grandmother?”
Her brother’s cheeks flushed red.
“You know what I mean.”
She took a deep breath and got to her feet.
“I know you are trying to protect me.”, she admitted. “As my brother, as my elder. But Jace, you will be King one day and now you are the heir.”
Older than me, more important than me.
She reached out and took his hand.
“I may be yours to protect as your sister. But you are mine to protect as my Prince.”
If she were a brother, it would be expected that she fought at his side and for his honour, to kill for him, to die for him.
She would not refuse that very same duty for him, or her mother, on account of being born a woman. Besides, before she was a girl, before she was anything, she was a dragonrider.
~
The turn of his head was so fast, he caught glilpses of his own silver hair before his blade cracked down.
He heard the splinter of wood, the curse of his opponent, and the shifting of ground as he had to take a knee under the force of his blow.
But there was no time for victory, and any semblance of glee would have been useless.
While the man was still down, he had already sidestepped him, further back.
In this, in all things, knowledge was key, the terrible certainty that led to the rightful implementation of force.
He knew his sparring partners weren't bold enough to strike him with their full force, much to his dismay, but they were men and as such yearned for victory and triumph as much as any.
And they would be fools if they did not try to exploit the weakness that was his lost eye and so keeping his opponents in front of him, in his line of vision was paramount.
It was easier to defend than attack against multiple opponents, and yet he felt the surge of need run through his veins.
He wanted it. He wanted the cracking of wood, the hiss of the practice sword in the air, the grunts and curses of his opponents when he brought it down.
No, in truth he wanted something else. He wanted to exchange his practice sword for a real blade, wanted to switch the sands for the skies. He wanted to fulfil his duty, his destiny. He wanted fire and blood.
What else was he training for? Aemond Targaryen was not meant to be a tourney knight, nor did the idea of a melee appeal to him, especially not if it was done to entertain.
Was he not a Targaryen? A dragonrider? Keeper of the largest dragon in the world? If not him, who was destined for battle, who then?
He wanted blood, glory, fire and blood. He wanted fear in his enemies, and respect in the eyes of his kin. No prize money could ever compare. And no one would place him on the sidelines.
He would not sit idly in the Red Keep - as insurance - while others did his fighting for him.
Others like the foolish little Strong Boys and their wretched cousin who were not only younger than he was but had dragons Vhagar could devour in a bite. Others like her.
Once more they were given what he was being denied, another birthright taken from him. A solemn duty he wished to fulfil more than any oath.
His grandsire had answered his demands with talk of politics and strategy beyond the battlefield. Never had he looked older to Aemond, and he thought him as foolish as his father.
The Free Cities did not attack Westeros for gold or glory. They did so because they thought the House of the Dragon vulnerable, aiming only to strike and smite them. And in their absence, they proved them right. The only House Targaryen that seemed to matter, that seemed to prove their worth was that of Dragonstone, not King’s Landing.
Any victory would be theirs, and by that any claim.
“I yield!”
The soldier’s voice made him slow his movements. He was on his knees, cowering under a shield that Aemond had rained blows upon.
It wasn’t the sound that had startled him but the audacity of the one that had spoken.
Still, he lowered his sword, glaring at him through squinted eyes.
“You yield?”, he sneered. “Pray tell, what happens on the battlefield if you yield?”
He did not wait to hear the completion of the stammered answer, instead giving the shield a final kick, turning and throwing his practice blade into the dirt.
It wasn’t like him to treat the instruments of his education so carelessly, but what did it matter when he ought to have real steel in his hands?
No greater fool than the one who has war at his doorsteps and raises the practice sword, Aemond thought as he stormed over to the water barrel.
No greater the fool than one who yields to a dragon.
And he was a dragon. His silver hair and violet eye bore testament to it in the reflection of the water. And yet they would have him sit out the war, just like Aegon too. Sit out and wait, cowering in a castle while boys and women did their fighting, defended the Kingdom for them.
The shame burned as brightly as his anger.
To his side he could glance up to the balcony where a few courtiers were watching.
Aemond had never been one to seek to charm the women of the court. That had been Aegon’s pursuit, always clinging to the skirts of some lady, some merchant’s wife or new widow. He had a talent for those especially.
Aemond had never sought them out for his own gains, had kept his distance. What point was there in anything but courtesy if he would one day marry for an alliance anyhow?
He had taken care never to offend, never to overstep his bounds, but had never chased either. He was no dancer, did not gamble and did not collect favours for tourneys.
While he knew the ladies of the court, he knew them by houses, parents, names, and occasionally by brothers he bested on the sands.
That had made him, at least for a time, a curiosity, the absence of deeper conversation creating intrigue around him, or him being a Prince. That was natural to draw attention, eh thought, one he did not care enough about to weigh.
But the looks had shifted since his return, since Dorne and the war.
They watched now, with more caution than curiosity, and yet it was both overshadowed with the morbid fascination of the unknown.
He was not deaf to the whispers.
“Would he?”, “Could he?” And above all “Did he?”
There had been too many tales, too many rumours and conflicting half-truths and baseless lies, Aemond could not hope to count them.
When he had been younger, more foolish even, he had questioned the origin of the stares. Did they watch a prince? A warrior? Or a beast with one eye?
Now one could ask the same question, but he didn’t.
And so Aemond Targaryen turned, staring right up the flock of women who had been watching and whispering, some intrigued, some frightened.
His unapologetic stare sent them fluttering away like frightened hens. Some had the courtesy to look embarrassed, but Aemond didn’t care.
Let them whisper, he thought, even as the memory of the play filled him with hatred. Let them stare and mumble and spread their lies.
I am a dragon. No lesser being could ever hope to understand him, to be worthy of him. No lesser being ever mattered.
And he was a dragon, chained now by duty and obligation, but a dragon still.
There was a bond, he thought, between those that had the blood of the dragon and those that didn’t, a silent understanding even if it was weighed down by grievances and resentment, a trust in a way.
He remembered something she had said to him, back in Dorne, when she had been as frightened as she had been determined to ensure their survival.
Dragons in a pit of snakes. They had escaped the snakes but now he was surrounded by sheep.
~
After washing, he went into the evercool halls of the library, the smell of old leather and worn parchment filling his nose.
Of all the places in the Red Keep that were not shaped by Vhagar, this had been his favourite. As a young student, he had had trouble with the work, but his determination had made him a scholar, surpassing all the others in his pursuit and thirst of knowledge.
He could name all dragons that had been born since the Doom, could list the riders of each, could name all the Houses that had ruled Valyria before it, and the battles they fought.
And he knew where to find it in the library.
King Aegon’s reign was diligently documented. Aemond’s attention had been captured by his campaigns much less than the retellings of court, and so he knew of the wrath of the dragon and it’s end.
But now he searched for court documents detailing the arrival of the Dornish delegation, their names and houses, the aftermath of their arrival -
King Aegon left for Dragonstone alone, preferring solitude above the presence of his sister Visenya -
He had left then, to be alone, to think. And whatever he had decided, whatever he had finally told her with just the two of them and their dragons present had left her in a fury.
Why the dragons if not to ensure no one else would hear? What did he have to tell Visenya that alerted such suspicion?
And in one report, after the Queen had stormed off, Aegon had to call after her, reminding her he was ordering her as “King”. As brother he had no ground.
The letter was burned, there was no record of the conversation they had beyond that.
It was like a piece of history was missing, the decisive cause of Aegon’s behaviour, Visenya’s rage and the end of the Wrath of the Dragon.
And she had given him a piece, had she not? Trembling and shaking and stumbling over her words, her hands gripped tightly and her eye wide with terror. She had given him a piece to fill this gap. And it would fit.
Rhaenys alive, used as a bargaining chip against King Aegon. She was the hostage they needed, the only one that despite Visenya’s wrath would stop her from scorching the earth.
If they had ensured her safety in exchange for peace, both her siblings would have obeyed.
But she had not seen safety. She had seen a woman marked and marred and hurt.
Once more, Aemond thought, the Dornish had broken their word. If only Visenya had burned Hellholt to the ground. A death in fire was a far gentler fate than a life of torture.
The Dornish would feel the dragon’s wrath, he thought, his wrath for their betrayal, and that of Aegon. Was he not of the blood of Rhaenys as much as he was of the blood of the conqueror?
But wile he found certainty with Rhaenys, he found nothing of the sort when it came to the other matter he researched.
Any story, tale or song that was dragonless had never interested him, and so the tales of the First Men were foreign to him. His research did little to intrigue him.
There were no accounts, no trials and detailed works, rather washerwomen’s tales and children’s stories, of growing pelts in the light of the moon, of fangs breaking forth and the like.
She had not grown fangs, or scales in her case. Her arms hadn’t given way to wings, and her soft breathing had not come with the heat of fire.
But she had become a dragon. Her mind had escaped her body, or moved beyond it.
She had done as she had described it to him. In her dreams, she had moved into Tyseleys, had become one with him and flown him to Storm’s End.
And yet Aemond had found little on sleep, the one certainty she had.
There were fragments of tales from beyond the wall, where the skinchangers lived in caves, or sometimes the Children of the Forrest, where they would hibernate beneath the earth like bears only to return with the gift.
Others spoke of eyes tied shut, and there was one report of eastern skinchangers who took fire to their own eyes in hope of gaining the same skill.
She had lost her eye, same as he did, but unlike her, she had taken it herself. Was that what decided it? That she had raised her hand against herself? Had she by accident replicated an ancient ritual?
Or was she simply victim of the ‘curse’ northern washerwomen warned about. It could not have been a bite, that much Aemond knew. If Tyseleys had bitten her, there wouldn’t be any body left to leave.
But in all the writings he devoured, there was no certainty that compared to what he had seen, and what she had shown him. Somehow, inexplicably, maybe, but somehow she had done it.
And if the writings were in even the slightest way reliable, she could do it at will if she put her mind to it. No need to poison her body with Sweetsleep, and if he knew his Uncle at all, he wouldn’t shy away from that for a short-term advantage.
Aemond had no way of informing her of his findings, and even less knowing if she even wanted to hear from him, but still he found himself transcribing what could eventually prove useful, to her at least, if he ever got the chance to speak to her again.
Perhaps he could simply steal a raven and send it to Dragonstone, to ease her uncertainty and remove her false reliance on the potion. Or one day she may drink too much.
It was so late it was nearly early when Aemond left the sept, finding the courtyard deserted, and the moon shining above, and so the voice calling out to him was a surprise.
“My Prince.”, Cole said as he saw him.
Aemond stopped to look at him, finding a soft smile on his face.
“I have just finished my duty at the Queen’s side. Would you care to join me for my nightly prayers?”
Aemond did not, but he found himself following the knight into the Sept.
At this hour it had been left entirely to the seven statues, each standing on one side of the seven-pointed building, and the light of candles.
Aemond watched Cole light a candle to the warrior, and kneel before him.
His mother believed in these Gods. Helaena rolled her eyes at them and Aegon believed in them for their mother’s sake. He was more sure of their faith than of his own at this point, and so he kept standing, watching Cole at prayer.
After a near eternity, he rose.
“Do you know why the Gods have their names?”, he asked.
“Names?”
He tilted his head from side to side. “Why the Warrior is called the Warrior, why the Smith is called the Smith, while the Father is called the Father.”
Aemond shook his head.
“They represent virtues more than the names they were given. The Smith is diligent. The Maiden is kind. The Crone is wise and patient. The Warrior is brave. It is his not to command but to protect and serve.”
His eye wandered around the Sept, looking at the statues. They looked different to him now, less…godly. The nose of the crone looked like a carrot, the father’s left hand was longer than the right, the Smith’s one leg looked like it would be unable to balance the weight placed upon it.
“The Father too, to guide and judge, he does not wield a sword and yet he provides for all his children.”
“A father is meant to protect them too.”, Aemond reminded Cole. “You cannot provide if you cannot protect.”
“Like you protected Jaehaera?”, Cole wanted to know.
His head snapped around to look at the knight who made a point of not meeting his gaze, as if this was something easily and casually said. But Aemond knew better, and so he did not answer.
If Cole wanted something from him, he would have to choose a more direct approach.
“Everyone is most grateful for what you did, my Prince.”, Cole said. “The circumstances were most extraordinary, most unique and unexpected. To ensure not just your survival, and that of the Princes, but also that of the…others.”
There it was again, Aemond thought, inhaling sharply. Why everyone was so keen to lump her with the others was beyond him.
They had no way of being certain but surely they were all smart enough to know that the only way they made it out of Dorne was together.
Granted, Aemond had limited his accounts to Lords and Houses, to ships and places.
“Your other niece too.”
“What of her?”, Aemond snapped, shifting on his feet.
“It is highly commendable of you not to rid yourself of the strain of her and her brother, especially after the trouble they caused you. And the dishonour.”
Aemond almost scoffed. Dishonour, yes. He had been innocent of that once, but now…he didn’t know what to think of it or make of it, or anything really, apart from the fact that of all things, this was the one he did not regret, could not regret, despite what any code of honour, chivalry, law or faith taught him.
“You’ve shown great honour and loyalty, my Prince.”, Cole said. “The kind we need, the kind that is scarce in this sinful world.”
Aemond just looked at him, Cole’s face unreadable, apart from blatant determination and a maddening gleam to his eyes.
“The kind that is worthy of a knighthood.”, Cole said, stepping closer to him.
“Granted, a mere knight stands beneath a Prince, but Princes are born. Knighthoods are earned.”
Aemond inhaled sharply at his words. What better way to prove his worth by earning what cannot be given by birth? A knighthood was no little feat. It was an honour men fought for, some died for.
“If you take the oath, it will be my honour to knight you.”, Cole offered.
The oath, Aemond knew it well. It was one of obedience to the Gods, to the King, to chivalry and duty and honour, an oath to uphold the faith and the rule of law. All things, Aemond thought, that seemed void of any noble calling to him now.
~
Thank you so much for reading! I'd love to hear your thoughts xx
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