#just picture alfred on a vacation on the caribbean idk

[river-bottom-nightmare]

you know that b99 episode where amy gives has her baby? the last episode of season 7? that but with the batfam.

now i’m not normally a huge dickbabs shipper but hear me out, okay?

you’ve got babs as amy, managing things inside the batcave for once, very much pregnant and very much still kicking ass.

you’ve got dick as jake, frantic energy turned up 1000% as he tries everything he can to get back to his wife who’s in labor while also being a hero to everyone around him.

you’ve got tim as charles, super excited for the baby and helping dick out with managing the city, but oh no, dick’s not gonna make it back in time he’s gotta do something. so he takes a deep breath, puts aside his hatred, and calls-

batcow! batcow as seargent peanut butter, (he escaped during the blackout and he’s roaming the streets this makes no sense i know i just love tim and batcow’s hatred hc i’ve got going on). and so, in order to reach the batcave and babs in time, dick rides batcow wait no that sounds wrong. dick mounts batcow fuck nope that doesn’t work either. i read too much fanfiction but you guys know what i mean.

meanwhile, back in the batcave, bruce and jason are trapped in the elavator (much to their mutual discomfort) and for reasons that totally don’t have anything to do with waking up in your own coffin and crawling out of your grave, jason’s claustrophobic as fuck. so he starts freaking out real bad and bruce would rather die than let the fire department, aka the supers, come and rescue them. so as a panicked attempt to get him to calm down, bruce teaches jason a dance that dick had taught him back when he was a kid.

damian. meanwhile. is not having a fun time. not at all. because he’s excited not unpleased about the baby’s arrival, but he hates the way the baby is, well, arriving. but there’s no one around and babs seems content to work through her pain and keep being oracle and goddamnit he knew he shouldn’t have read that delivery manual grayson had left lying around but he did so he actually knows exactly what to do in this situation, he just really doesn’t want to do it.

steph is busy eating all the waffles, with cass trailing behind her amusedly, and then she’s busy building the perfect delivery suite for babs in the batcave. babs tears up bc it’s perfect. and after that, cass goes and rescues jason and bruce from the elevator because i said so. 

babs is in pain and they can’t get the anesthetic bc they used it all last night on a major injury of steph’s so babs just has to power through it and it h u r t s. damian is the one helping cass deliver the fucking baby and while cass appears more levelheaded than damian, they’re both freaking the fuck out. and then, to distract babs, bruce and jason do the dance. and it works.

and dick strides into the batcave on batcow’s back and rushes over to babs. tim single-handedly takes down the robbers, arrests dotty, and finds that woman’s lost shoe like the bamf he is.

and all is well.

#if alfred were here #none of this tomfoolery would have gone down #so in order for this to happen #just picture alfred on a vacation on the caribbean idk #this would never happen actually #alfred must be there for the birth of his great grandchild #but just go with me here #anyway #brooklyn nine nine #b99 #dc #batfam #barbara gordon #oracle #dick grayson #nightwing #jason todd #red hood #tim drake #red robin #stephanie brown #spoiler #batgirl #cassandra cain #black bat #orphan #damian wayne #robin #bruce wayne #batman