#just. squirreling that away

[heirbane]

you know how when you hit Those milestones as a kid and a teen and people were like "wow you're 13, do you feel different?" or "you're officially an adult, how is it?" and you're like. ???? i am the exact same as i was 24 hours ago except now others have different expectations of who i Should be. but it's always been you. you're always you. at 13, 16, 18 or 21 or 25 you're still who you were.

being suicidal and recovering from attempts is the exact same, except it's not "i'm 16, shouldn't i be grown feeling? when do i get to where i want to be?" and it's more of "i'm 29, shouldn't i have refound who i was by now?" you don't feel like you anymore. you were you before. you should have died, and maybe you did, because what you are isn't you. now you're different, and no one looks at you differently but you.

i feel like i'm waiting for my compass to guide me to who i was looking to be at 18 and 16 and 13, for Me to look around the corner and i recognize them. but i'm no longer you. i'm not Me.

#suicide ideation tw #suicide tw #uhhhh. :) #ⅩⅣ loci phantasma ( ooc. ) #just. squirreling that away #i don't know what i'm trying to say. #i'm on my second ever period in over a decade. cut me some slack. i just ate mcd.onalds and i want to cry akdnkgngk #sometimes i feel so so thankful for the last ten years. sometimes i don't. most of the time i'm neutral. #i've had a decade to acclimate to the waters of the unknown. it's not cold anymore. i'm used to it. but i forgot how to swim #so i just float and hope i end up somewhere i want to be. otherwise why didn't i just drown

[celira]

she's a pill. she's ambidextrous. she can diagnose an intercranial hemorrhage with one look. she's like light moving across water. she would have worked in data. she fights like a grease fire. she's a mad dog. she was the best in her house at fifteen. she's the second strand. she can do a back handspring down the stairs. she can learn anything in a few tries but thinks she's got one thing. her smile makes the earth want to marry her. she blazed like a white candle. I didn't say her name, but she popped into your head anyway, didn't she?

#i am sad and so is camilla hect #the locked tomb #just squirreling away camilla hect brainrot until morale improves #camilla hect #camilla the sixth #tlt #the locked tomb meta #tlt meta #lira does a thing

[ramshacklerumble]

can I see an ashi and gigi interaction <//3 look she even has an emote 🌺

KIDDING!!!!!! BUT HI I WANT MORE GIGI CONTENT 🫶 really curious about 🦐🦑🍄 octotrio? this is my attempt at more unagi crumbs BUT!!! I AM GEN CURIOUS ABOUT OCTO INTERACTIONS 🫣 don’t think I’ve seen gigi interact w the other two ssssso 👁️👁️

in a nutshell?

if these three carked it right in front of them, gia would at long last repent and hole up in a nunnery like the good lord intended.

jk. (kinda)

on paper, gia is the octotrio’s personal henchboy as payment for a “favor” floyd does them a little prior/early into the events of book 5. (currently working on a one-shot that goes into this) originally gia’s tenure under the mostro lounge was only meant to be for a few weeks, but it’s made readily apparent once the octotrio finds use in something they are not about to let it slip through their fingers.

so begins the trio's pattern of finding even the smallest infractions on gia’s part as cause to extend their servitude under them. this is, understandably, why there's little love lost between them. i’d say gia prays for the trio’s downfall, but gia isn’t religious and far too proactive to wait around for that to happen.

they’ve made it their personal mission not to leave nrc until octavinelle is burning at their feet.

…

in reality, gia’s relationship with the octotrio is quite complicated.

they’ve been an absolute pain in the neck in every single encounter, but it doesn’t take gia long to realize the octotrio is their speedrun towards getting some REAL power in their hands. proud and hard-working they may be, gia is ultimately a pragmatist at heart.

though a bit of a showman, azul IS an undeniably powerful mage with many a tentacle in many a pie. the twins are nothing to sneeze at either.

as much as gia hates their guts, these three are their chance to make it not only to graduation but to actually make something of themself when staying at night raven is no longer an option.

and that’s not even getting into the growing familiarity between gia and the trio steadily murking the waters…

—

🦑 AZUL ASHENGROTTO: (tagging @thehollowwriter since you also sent an ask for azul)

perhaps the most subtle dynamic of the three (making it the hardest to explain) gia's view of azul can be largely inferred by their joke-title for him: boss.

if azul wants something done, then gia gets it done. gia proves themself an incredibly adept asset to azul and it's why azul pulls whatever strings he can to keep them under his thumb.

that said, while gia puts up with much of azul's overworking and respects they are indebted to the trio by not putting up much of a fuss-- azul is aware he occasionally has to sweeten the pot if he wants to keep it that way.

he'd be a fool to forget this was the same person who got all his original contracts turned to dust. and besides: what good, gracious employer doesn't reward his employees for their hard work?

so azul doesn't mind giving gia access to a few of his private merchandise channels, maybe even some of his more advanced grimoires and alchemy notes, etc.

this dynamic remains largely unchanged for a while, though if one were to squint they might catch a degree of casualness peppering their interactions over time. they indulge in subtle sniping-- even minor trolling-- namely from gia who finds azul an easy target.

they are not fully aware of how things have changed until @cyanide-latte's chrysanthos shroud makes quite a bitter impression on them both. in a low moment surprising even azul, he admits to gia that shroud makes him feel inadequate as a housewarden-- made worse by the fact azul knows it isn't shroud's intention. shroud, in his own way, truly embodies the spirit of benevolence an octavinelle housewarden should be and it's something azul wonders he'll ever be able to do himself. (you can read more on this in cy's post: here!)

gia, in an attempt to give azul the peace of mind that they won't try to use this moment of weakness against him (and bolstered by the knowledge this could come in as blackmail should he think to use what they're about to tell him), shares a bit of their own worries shroud managed to jar loose.

working for the trio is hard, however, it's also been the path that's given gia the most opportunities. but, with the trio being a year ahead of them, gia is well aware their time with them is limited. they can’t help but mull over what is to become of them when the trio leave for their senior internships. gia will likely never see them again and likely be nothing more than a footnote from the trio’s school lives. a strange, magicless weirdo from another dimension, wasn’t that a fun little story?

gia’s probably going to have a lot of free time as a junior and who knows how they plan to go about senior year, frankly, they’re a bit at a loss with themself…

anyway. if it weren't for azul """kindly""" giving them the chance to gain what they DO have by working for him (or whatever), they'd probably be even more lost than they are now. he's a pain and a half, but he's probably not the worst housewarden in octavinelle history.

at this, azul reminds gia he's made his plans to branch out the mostro lounge to the public quite clear. gia wouldn’t be bound to them anymore, but it'd be a shame to let their experience at the school's location go to waste, wouldn't it?

—

🍄 - JADE LEECH

gia's relationship with jade is probably the strangest because despite jade being the one that wigs gia out the most, he is also the one gia openly gets along with the best.

fun fact: gia opened up their own club. the biking club. they are the only person in said club because, for some reason or another, they reject anyone who tries to get in. it might have to do with the fact the reason the club exists is because they needed an excuse to have a bike on school grounds they are allowed to ride anywhere unquestioned-- such as for personal errands or scavenging for potion ingredients. this includes up in the mountains.

y'know who else is often in the mountains..?

because of this little coinkidink, jade found a very weak and fevered gia struggling to get off the ground because they'd stupidly decided to go out foraging while sick. and of course, what good, gracious vice-housewarden of octavinelle wouldn't lend a hand to a poor, unfortunate underclassman in need despite their fervent protests? they're obviously, deliriously ill and are unaware of what's best for them…

indebted to jade on top of the octotrio as a whole, gia lost what little personal time they had as president of their own one-man club. now the biking club is (semi-officially) affiliated with his mountain lovers' club-- meaning gia accompanies him whenever he goes and bikes him around trails whenever he feels like it.

in theory, being alone up a mountain with jade leech should be terrifying, but gia sincerely enjoys these outings. jade is not only incredibly well-versed in mountain flora but a skilled potionologist in his own right.

honestly, it’s not bad.

—

BONUS:

BONUS BONUS:

they're friends :)

@inmateofthemind @simons-twsted-children @tixdixl @jovieinramshackle @blithesharem @theleechyskrunkly @skriblee-ksk (lemme know if anyone wants to be included in tags)

#this is another thing ive had squirreled away for months #you asked for floyd as well i know but just the other two alone gave me a hard time WHEEZE #another day #oc ask meme #azul ashengrotto #jade leech #floyd leech #octotrio #octavinelle #gia yugo #yuusona #twst #twisted wonderland #twst oc #twisted wonderland oc #disney twst #oathofoaks

[sleepis4theweak]

Ooo uh- hmmmm

Squirrel? I don't think I've ever seen a squirrel drawn by you!!

Listen whoever decided to put squirrels in Disney movies as these friendly little creatures is WRONG, and whoever put them in TMNT 2012 as the little demonic creatures of your nightmares was RIGHT.

SQUIRRELS ARE SO SCARY THERE ARE SO MANY OF THEM ON MY COLLEGE CAMPUS AND THEY SCARE THE LIVING DAYLIGHTS OUT OF ME 24/7

#IVE SEEN ONE LITERALLY HANGING FROM A TREE #HE WASNT HURT OR TRAPPED #RAN AWAY FINE TWO SECONDS LATER HE WAS JUST HANGING THERE UPSIDE DOWN LIKE A BAT #THEY ARE FERAL ISTG THEY ARE GOING TO ATTACK ME ONE DAY #Putting squirrels on my list of irrational fears that I feel are actually very rational inbetween flies and the ocean #answered asks #tmnt mikey #tmnt donnie #tmnt #tmnt 2012 #squirrelanoids #quick sketch hehe

[invinciblerodent]

Replaying from the beginning, I don't think I'll ever get over the fact that Astarion actually expected us to not immediately clock that he's a vampire. And I know this has been said before, but it's so hilarious.

He's over there, thinking himself suave and secretive, with such decor as...

A clearly bloody glass cup sitting right in front of his tent, in a puddle of blood, as the very first thing you see

another bloody goblet at his feet, with stains that do not look anything like wine on his white carpet

jars of blood inside his open tent, complete with a very clear bloodstain on the pallet under his bedroll

this clearly labeled bloodbank jar, covered in bloodstains, just on the table right next to him

this veritable dinner table napkin covered in blood, and of course, the pièce de résistance,

the fucking mirror in clear view, angled perfectly so that if he wasn't a vampire, you should be able to see his ass in it in premier plan when approaching from the campfire.

Not only is he very clearly a vampire, but he's also an excessively messy eater, which honestly makes the fact that he is only revealed on the third night a downright humiliating admonishment of the party's collective intelligence.

(Though, armed with the knowledge that he cannot seem to keep blood in his mouth, there is also some real potential here for the first act of physical tenderness he experiences in centuries to be the player character just... absently wiping a drop of their blood off his chin with their hand after a feeding.)

#not the first feeding of course but like the third maybe #i think i'll headcanon that iona did that #just an unconscious action; a very simple and natural expression of care #he jerks back ofc like she slapped him #like he had just lifted off her and they're both still slightly dazed #they're looking at each other for a moment from like... three inches away still; catching their respective breaths #and she just said “here; let me just--” and... did it. without thinking #and it's weirdly intimate and kind of awkward the next day but they both decide to not mention it #baldur's gate 3 #squirrel plays bg3 #(yes I know Astarion doesn't need to breathe and I've said so before) #(but I still have decided that I like to think “faking” it comes as naturally as... well as breathing should) #(I do think he is prone to temporarily forgetting to breathe in emotionally charged moments though) #oc: iona raedir

[krowfangs]

#krow calls #outsiders smp #outsiders smp spoilers #c!owen #owengejuicetv #web weaving #.png #.txt #somewhat tied into the c!krow one i did :) #i like the parallels & how they play off each other #i might make one for each of the outsiders (that i can watch the pov of at least) #i'm going to think some more about the one for apo while i squirrel away quotes & concepts #this one is just generally focused on his character & arc #i wanted to get a good screenshot like the one for krow but i didnt feel like skimming vods #also i will forever love the concept of comparing c!owen to a hunting dog.

[rukafais]

i still think the funniest possible answer to “where did all the divine beasts go in tears of the kingdom” would have been “purah and robbie were in the middle of dismantling guardians and ancient sheikah tech for parts and they were like “oh, the champions’ ghosts are still here? well divine beasts are really big, we can repurpose some bits and pieces to give you new bodies if you want” and then we get unstoppable sheikah-tech cyborg ghost champions just, hanging out with their descendants and shit

#spoilers #totk spoilers #loz spoilers #just slapping every spoiler tag i can think of on this thing #cyborg mipha princess-carrying link. imagine #btw i 100% believe the reason all the sheikah tech just Vanished is because purah and robbie have dismantled it and squirreled it away #for their next big science experiment

[allastoredeer]

I saw you requesting archangel headcanons and rushed as fast as I could!

First though, I'm not super versed in Abrahamic mythology. Everything I know about angels comes from the movie Dogma, Supernatural, and from when i was deeeeeep in the Good Omens fandom and did a TON of angel/demon research, for OC-making purposes. Luckily, the Hellaverse seems to use the age-old stories of angels and demons as a springboard more than anything. Which grants a ton more creative freedom!

So! Regarding the Archangels, i hc/theorize that there used to be seven in total, with Lucifer being the seventh before he Fell.

I also think they're all seraphim. I hc that "archangel" isn't a TYPE of angel, but a rank or title. So Lucifer, along with the others, are all seraphim who held the TITLE of Archangel.

Six of the seven Archangels are siblings. Those siblings are, in no specific order, Lucifer, Michael, Gabriel, Uriel, Raphael, and my favorite lesser known archangel, Zadkiel.

The last Archangel is the leader/creator/"father" of the others, the Metatron.

I hc that the angel in Lucifer's flashback with the most ornate halo and the big eye in his chest is the Metatron. Meanwhile, the angel on Lucifer's other side with a similar hairstyle to him is Michael. Because he has the second most ornate halo and has his is arms posed behind his back like the Metatron, i hc that Michael is his father's second in command.

And that's all the headcanons I have time to send right now, but if you want I can send more later?

LET'S GOOOO!

I'm writing all of these down

Also, you killed me with Abrahamic mythology LMAO 😂

Arch-Angel has always seemed like a rank to me too, so I'm 100% on board with that. ALSO I DIDN'T EVEN NOTICE THAT ONE OF THE ARCH ANGELS IN THE BACKGROUND HAD HAIR SIMILAR TO LUCIFER'S OH MY GOD THAT JUST MAKES IT SO MUCH JUICIER.

I'm yoinking your headcanons. If there are anymore you'd like to share, feel free to do so! I'm learning about Christian lore through osmosis.

#thank you for this #I am snatching them and squirreling them away #Im so intrigued about the arch angel that has a hairstyle like Lucifer's #no wonder people headcanon that he got a twin #i thought people just wanted Lucifer to have a twin #this is amazing #hazbin hotel #lucifer morningstar #lucifer magne #lucifer #hazbin hotel lucifer #hazbin lucifer #asks #anon #anonymous

[vamprisms]

one of the perks about going to america is stealing the plastic straws from your restaurants

#i just unpacked my case and i forgor how many i squirreled away in there #singlehandedly bankrupting every fast food restaurant on the south las vegas boulevard

[teekays]

kent russell, Fighting With Their Fists to Put a Period in a Basket

#don't mind me i'm just pondering. squirreling things away #hockey as tide pool #read kent russells stuff abt hockey on n+1 it's good. to me #theory

[mooseyspooky]

Left hand smoking! I hadn't seen him do that before

#That or my little squirrel brain forgot #I just noticed in 2 interviews he was smoking to the right #The short one of him in blue and the strangeways one #He was smoking to the right #Perhaps he's trying to keep the cigarette away from Moz?

[puppyeared]

adhd comix

#man i dont even have the energy to be mad. im just tired #like. dont u love it when your parents exhibit symptoms of ADHD and your sibling is diagnosed with a learning disability #and instead of thinking oh shit what if the other one has smth too. they subject you to The Horrors #i cant bring myself to hate my parents. but im tired of feeling obligated to defend them when the thing they think is working #isnt actually working and ive just found other ways to cope to avoid any sort of conflict. like lying and stealing. lol #if someone took me aside and said 'hey so your brain doesnt make as much dopamine as usual and its not a bad thing it just means you #need external stimulation and reward system to function and youre not actually secretly fucked up or lazy' as a kid #im pretty sure i wouldnt be here rn with half the problems i already have. unfortunately getting diagnosed late means u dont have a teacher #to back you up at a parent teacher conference that forces your parents to take this shit seriously instead of ignoring it hoping itll #go away on its own. but hey what do i know i have squirrel ipad baby disease. what do i know about my own symptoms #AND. AND i think im allowd to be mad bc ive been doing my own research on this for years before and after diagnosis #theyve been putting me thru the WORST parenting techniques on earth. which they could have corrected at anytime but they were #comfortable thinking they were doing it right and didnt bother to check if they were or werent fucking up their kid in the long run #and refusing to acknowledge it. i just!! they just decided one day hey lets make babies!! and just looked at books on how to make #a human being survive as long as possible!!! what the fuck!!!! #im sorry for putting this on ppls dashes but i am. so tired. of bottling this up. and im not looking for sympathy or anything i just need #to scream and clench my fists to SOMEONE about it because theyre not gonna take this well up the ass. sigh #yapping #vent

[stewiefanumtax]

i decided to draw something cause i just got out of a month long art block

i love ezekiel hes so silly i am the real ezekiel this is real true and not clickbait

#shit i just realized i forgot to draw the rest of his hair ignore that pls :3 #my art #ezekiel total drama #total drama #total drama island #ezekiel tdi #ezekiel td #tdi #art #picks nose cutely and coughs in your face #sorry impulse #did you know that its been over a year since queen elizabeth died #i found out that queen elizabeth died because of my chess 'teacher' #also one of the squirrels in the screenshot is my younger sisters roblox avatar #idk who the other squirrel is though #also if you couldnt tell by now im the one whos avatar is ezekiel #its 2:17 AM where i am i should go to sleep #anyway im gonna stop adding tags before i get more carried away

[reestallized]

Was designing Reestalverse versions of the Kanto + Johto kids *insert you laughing at it as a form of mockery /hj*

#pokemon #pokemon fanart #pokemon protagonist #reestalverse #reestallized drew this #trainer red #trainer leaf #trainer lyra #trainer ethan #trainer kris #rival silver #rival blue #drunk squirrel laugh #btw Missingno also does some shenanigans in Kanto but then Red casually just slaps it away lmao #why didn't ethan do that instead of just letting it eat all his life force 👹🤣 #pokespe crystal had star earrings so that Reestalverse Kris can have a star necklace/ choker looking thing /j

[invinciblerodent]

Another case of the "I'm not done"-s seems to have possessed me, because the immortality and rebirth of elven souls and this fucking elf/vampire!elf romance I'm doing right now is kind of ruining me.

Because, well... look.

This shit is ripe for angst.

For so long, there is no real reason to think much about the passage of time. Death, it's but an abstract far in the future- a bridge to be burned when they get to it. It's easy enough to practically forget that mortality is a thing to account for: with both the endless stretch of centuries they have and her body as unchanging as his, that thought can be kicked further down the road for what feels like it might even be an indefinite amount of time. Their lives just inch along, endlessly, and twine together like the roots of an ancient forest, building around- and with one another. Friends come and go, live and die, and yet, every moment, every day, is permeated by the other's presence: even in their "sleep", they're reliving shared memories (there is scarcely another kind, by now) while holding one another.

Talking about which of their adventures they chose to remember in Reverie is one of his favorite parts of the night.

Until one evening, as she opens her eyes to greet both him and the nightfall with a smile, he catches... just the faintest opaque, silvery glint in her pupils. It's barely a flash, gone in an instant, as if it was merely a trick of the light, but the thought, like a pesky insect, begins buzzing in his head. It will not let him rest.

With this new thought gnawing at him, he can't not see that there's almost a... strange distance, to her now. Even with this hazy half-awareness, it would have slipped his note if he hadn't come to know her quite so intimately over the past half millenium, if he hadn't memorized her cadence and heard her every loving thought as if it was his own. But he's attuned to her: even as her fingers glide through his hair, and her lips speak her words of love like they have so many times before, the same words, they... ring slightly hollow, robotic, automatic in their sweetness now, and once the dreaded Sun begins inching over the horizon and he's forced back into the shadows once more, her kiss goodbye lingers just one second longer, she holds him just a touch tighter before she'd be out the door.

All day, he circles the darkened room like a trapped animal, mind flush with thoughts of robotic words, silver glints, and a creeping dread. Surely, it cannot be what he thinks. It cannot. It wasn't a half-moon, it's not the Transendence, it was merely a... a reflection off something, moonlight bouncing off a silvered picture frame, or the twinkle of a magelight lighting the street glancing through an improperly closed curtain, a... a stomach bug that she's toughing out and is too stubborn to say anything about, something. It cannot be what he thinks, fears that it was.

The day drags on, the hour he'd expect her back comes and then passes, and when she returns, it is closer to sundown than it normally would be. Usually when she must leave for the day, she tries to time her return so that they can rest together, and then emerge from their chambers at the exact moment of nightfall to maximize the amount of time shared, the time he can walk free with her on his arm, but today, she returns with darkness on her heels, and bittersweet sorrow marring her face.

"Arael, we need to talk," she says, and the beloved endearment in their shared native tongue, 'heart' and 'hearth', 'center' and 'lover' in a single word, turns to acid in his ears. Instantly, he knows what she's going to say.

"How long have you known." It's not a question in tone, only phrasing- the hiss of his own voice feels alien in his throat. "When were you planning on telling me."

"It's been... a few days."

A few days. A few days, she's been...! He can't bring himself to think the word 'dying'. He can't. His knees give way under the weight of her words, and he crumples onto the nearest chair.

"You.... should have told me right away." He wants so dearly to be furious. His hands itch to rip, to tear, to destroy everything, his tongue aches to spit bile that'd make her feel exactly the pain he does in this moment... Gods, it was so easy to grow complacent and start believing in forever, to stop counting the hours, the days, the years, and still, it's her godsdamned near-forgotten mortality that's come knocking-- now, that his life is inexorably intertwined with hers, that she's been the other half of his soul for long enough to see the birth and death of friends and enemies, the rise and fall of monarchs, nations. And yet, her life's thread is soon to be clipped, while his must stretch on, infinite.

He buries his face in itching palms and swallows the bile to make room for the flood of grief. "I could have prevented this," he whispers now, "We could have had the chance, at forever... forever, if I could have turned you, if only I had-- if I--"

A soft hand on his shoulder stills him now. "Arael," she repeats, and traces a line to his chin, gently urging him to look at her. "I could not have dreamed of a more blissful, blessed life, than the one I shared with you. But--"

"Don't say it!" She winces as he snaps, and his hand is now grasping her wrist, insistent, hard enough to almost hurt, as he presses her palm against his cheek. "Don't, it's not over yet-- she may be calling, but you don't have to answer, you can stay--"

"I can't, my love."

"But--!"

"Arvandor is calling my soul, Astarion. The Gate is open. Sehanine has shown me; I must answer."

"But not yet, there's still time, you--!"

Her thumb gliding feather-light over his lips cuts off his desperate shout. "I have time enough to get my affairs in order," she says, her voice barely above a whisper, "but I can delay it no longer than maybe another tenday. For now, please... simply be with me."

~

That night, they make love. Tender, aching love that leaves them both tearful in one another's arms- his whole body shakes, racked with heavy sobs as he buries his face in her chest, as if that way he could melt into her, to keep her here, keep her safe, keep her for himself, or... or follow her, anchor his soul to hers, stow away and smuggle himself into the afterlife that rejected him, so they can be reborn together, find one another again, have another six hundred years, and another, and another...

Hopeless. A fool's desperation, no more. There's no tricking the Seldarine: he had rejected rebirth in favor of this wretched, eternal half-life the moment Cazador's fangs sunk into his flesh so long ago now, and his soul was rent from Arvandor. There's no changing that now, no fighting it, and no putting it off longer either. So he kisses her through the sobs once more, makes love to her once more, and drinks deep from her once more, willing his tongue to carve this memory of her taste, her essence, her love as deep into his mind as it may.

She takes the promised tenday to get her affairs in order, and to set up all that may only be done during sunlit hours: she organizes herself a nighttime funeral, arranges for her assets to be dealt with as she may, and makes sure to hold him tight, to mourn with him as if she herself wasn't the one dying. And each night, she speaks sweet, reassuring nonsense of the permanence of memory, of rebirth, and the aching, heartrending beauty of gentle endings.

And once no more minutiae is left to handle, there is no more delaying the inevitable.

She is laid to rest in a modest ceremony, in a small circle of trusted friends, under the light of a waning moon.

~

He mourns, bitter and alone, for years- barely leaving his chambers out of necessity, flitting through the nights as a ghost not entirely unlike the one he was so long ago, until one evening he wakes to find the pain... bearable. There will quite possibly never not be a wound on his soul now, but even the deepest wounds, they scar over: there's new, tender flesh, pink and gnarled, stretching over the void of her absence now. And life, it continues as it does, relentless.

Decades pass. The new flesh, it toughens, thickens, until it can scarcely be seen, unless you know where to look for it: the loss now lives only in the absent-minded seeking of her warmth in his cold slumber, in the automatic gesture of taking two wine glasses from the cabinet only to set one back down; it lives behind the locked door of her untouched workshop and in the slip of parchment left between the yellowed pages of the book she had never finished reading.

Until one evening, shortly after nightfall, there is a knock, hard and insistent, on the door.

His body redies itself for a fight, as if a hunter might be so bold as to announce their arrival- but curiosity, it's too hard to resist, and he scarcely makes an effort.

It's... an elf. But not any elf- a woman, younger, taller, and fuller in figure than she was, and her hair, it's a tightly curled warm chestnut rather than her blood-red waves, but it's unmistakable: her features, they are exactly the same. The same fire amber eyes, the same freckles dotting her cheekbones, even the same raised mark at the edge of her jaw that sits there like an insect had folded its wings and chosen to make its home on her skin. And the stranger speaks, with her voice, before he could find his own.

"So you do live!" she says, equal parts disbelieving and relieved, "Or, well, something like that. I could tell that you were a vampire, from the-" she gestures vaguely to his face, "-fangs and all, but I still wasn't sure I'd ever actually find you."

There's... a prickle of understanding. It's her, but... not quite. Her soul. Her, but born anew. And she returned in a way, to reminisce, to meet him once more- and his mouth opens, but the words, wary and elated and tender at the same time, get lost on their way to his lips.

It's an imperfect replica of her laugh that leaves the woman's mouth. "Gods, don't gape at me like a beached carp like that! I've been seeing nothing but your damn face in my trance for decades now; I was looking for you, hoping you could answer some questions I have." The familiar stranger flashes her mischievous smile. "Can I come in? I feel we have a lot to talk about."

~

There is no love in this. But, there's nevertheless something... bolstering, in the unique opportunity he can present to the new owner of her soul: the opportunity to get to know, truly know, who she once was. Halting and strange as it may be, they do talk quite a long time, and when she leaves, it's with gratitude, and a short, awkward, one-armed hug that she bids her farewell.

And time stretches, infinite yet again.

As long as he may live, her soul, it continues seeking his across however many lifetimes, until one day, the strange elf finds the door in their hazy memories hanging off its hinges, and the home, collapsed and empty, maybe for decades now.

Occasionally, it is still said that in each generation, there may very well be an elf born whose soul feels an irresistible need to make a curious, solitary pilgrimage to the ruins of a city once known as Baldur's Gate, and hope against hope to find a pale man with red eyes wandering the empty streets.

And maybe, a woman who had once lived there so many centuries ago was right: there's an aching, heartrending kind of beauty in that.

#squirrel plays bg3 #squirrel writes #astarion #astarion x tav #baldur's gate 3 #look it's the closest thing to actual fic that I've written in like 6 years #there needs to be a Cool Internet Slang Abbreviation for 'head in my hands' #i've decided right this second that i'm going to make it happen and just use 'himh' #himh take this away from me #i feel a weird urge to add just one or two more words because this is 2022 words it seems #but even though it's def not perfect i kinda don't want ot keep touching it #ANYWAY have quick and dirty and hastily written angsty fluff sometime far far far into the future

[kimquatz]

sometimes I'd wanna do funny ask polls like "which of my OCs is ur favorite! :-)" but then i remember i rarely post abt them LOOOLL oop

#but i do love them dearly..... and think abt them 24/7 #any info abt them r all simply squirreled away into my TH or just convos btwn my friends LMFAO #i think i psyche myself out too much abt talking too much abt my OCs on socials.. augh! #(me holding my 3 OCs)