#kant i will find you and i will kill you

[arijackz]

PICK A CARD: What Will Your FS Admire Most About You?

⚤ “I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where. I love you simply, without problems or pride: I love you in this way because I do not know any other way of loving but this, in which there is no I or you, so intimate that your hand upon my chest is my hand, so intimate that when I fall asleep your eyes close.” - Pablo Neruda

Disclaimer: This is a general reading, take what resonates. This is a gender-neutral reading, disregard any pronouns that do not apply to you.

p1 → p2 ↙︎ p3 → p4

✠ Pile One ✠ (King of Cups,Page of Cups,The World,7)

✧ Cards went wiillldddd. You stir up so much emotion in this person, it’s crazy. Your heart chakra is front and center here. You are picture-perfect harmony and universal love to your spouse. Your love can’t be contained, you love them, your friends, your favorite mug, worms out in the rain, strangers, the moon, and all the stars in the sky.

✧ All I see is a wide-ass smile, the biggest, wateriest eyes, and full cheeks. Your spouse thinks you’re sunshine-incarnated.

✧ This will sound corny, but your heart and love for the world and all its diversity make you appear angelic; God’s gift to humanity. The emotional depth you have is nothing shy of divine. Your ability to understand and reconnect your person with their inner dreamer makes you irreplaceable in their eyes. 

✧ I feel like your future spouse had to navigate around a lot of emotionally stunted people who left scars that prevented them from forming healthy relationships. Your empathy and desire to make space for peace and unity in this world give them hope that true love is alive and they are the lucky son of a bitch who gets to call an angel, theirs.

✧ I smell salt and hear waves. (I bet you’re tired of the cheesy poetry but HEY, me and your boo are OBSESSED with your energy) You truly are as beautiful and powerful as the seven seas.

✧ You know the Ouroboros, and how it's sometimes depicted as a snake wrapped around the oceans, holding onto its tail to keep the world together? Yea, that. To your future partner, you hold the key to their world. You add so much color and vibrancy. You turn over their inner ocean and awaken so much repressed child-like wonder within them.

✧ Wow. Your spouse loves the depths of you.

✧ Check for water placements, signs, and houses, in your natal chart. Some of you have insane intuition and have clairsenses. Clairaudience to be specific.

✧ Some of you are active in charities or aspire to make a difference in society. Maybe you’re into esoteric practices or anything else metaphysical.

✧ I even have a few philosophers here. Okay, KANT! (somebody please get this joke)

She Excites the Seven Seas

✠ Pile Two ✠ (Ace of Pentacles,8oW,The Emperor rev., “I Want”)

I love the kind of woman that will actually just kill me

✧ Of course, you don’t have to be a woman but that TikTok sound SCREAMED at me. Your future spouse is lowkey intimidated by you and they love it.

✧ You have big dreams. Big plans. But most importantly, a million and one ways to get you where you need to be. Your ability to say “I want this,” and then actually go out and GET it?? Your spouse is like the meme that goes “I’m a little scared, but I’m turned on.”

✧ I also see that you’re unconventional. If people have been doing whatever you want to do a certain way for years, you'll find ways to do it differently, just cause. You’re a true trailblazer. Your self-conviction is so damn alluring. Even for the people who struggle with insecurity sometimes, once you get over that hump and decide that you desire something, you fucking get it. Your partner sees you like magic. They are impressed by just how quickly your desires are set in motion for you. They feel that you are powerful and bring a great deal of power to them from just being in your proximity.

✧ You are also the “I don’t take shit from nobody” type. Not from strangers, not from your friends, your family, not even from your partner. In their eyes, you know your worth and have a strong self-foundation that nobody can tear down. There is genuine admiration and respect here. I even get the “I want to be like you when I grow up” mentality.

✧ There is a speediness to you they find very attractive. Either the way you behave, speak, or just stress about time, your pacing holds a special place in their heart. (or maybe, despite all of your responsibilities, you manage to find stillness in the chaos and slow down when necessary)

✧ The way you speak drives this person wild. It's like your voice narrates their thoughts and is the source of all of their arousal. Do with that information what you will...(don't be cruel, you make this person so nervous).

✧ I shuffled through a playlist and E-GIRLS ARE RUINING MY LIFE!! by Corpse came on and one of the lyrics goes,

She just look into my soul with them Shinigami eye Coke in my nose and a blade on her thigh. Man, I think this girl is really trying to plan my demise

✧ Yea, you put the fear of God into this person, but in a good way! Your presence can be chilling sometimes. Fire energy for sure. There are definitely people here from pile 2 of my first pac, “What are your most alluring qualities?”, check that out if you want to.

✧ Okay, this energy has me needing to take a LAP, bye.

"Man, I Think This Girl Tryna Plan My Demise"

✠ Pile Three ✠ (10oW, 9oW)(no other cards wanted to come out, real stubborn)

✧ Okay so, this feels specific?... and maybe even a lil off topic but I feel called to say this

✧ I sense that you and your person are psychically connected and share the mutual feeling that the two of you are meant to cross paths. The both of you have gotten your fair share of fuckery in this lifetime and this union feels like divine justice.

✧ This sounds a little fucked up, but you guys flourish amid trauma. Dark energy alchmaziers. You best wield your potential while you’re going THROUGH it.

✧ You had to “die” and bury yourself a dozen times to get where you are today.

✧ You are a very evolved individual. Throughout your life, traumatic events and relationships have forced you to bear a lot of weight on your back and it’s like the pressure has forged you into a diamond. With each curveball life threw at you, you stood tall and pushed to make something of yourself, proving your worth after a lifetime of strife and instability.

✧ Scorpio/Capricorn and 8th house/10th house placements. (check midpoints).

✧ A lot of you have tense shoulders, upper back, shoulder, and neck pain from the unease and anxiety your body carries. You have insomnia and may even struggle with nightmares.

✧ This person you’re coming into union with is so healing.

✧ This is something the both of you broke down and prayed for on your darkest days. This is a true partner, the soul that kept yours warm when the world was so cold. You had to put your dreamier side on the back burner to survive. This person will make you feel safe to dream again.

✧ I don’t have anything specific to say because you and your person feel so secretive  You two recognize each other’s pain and are the only people you guys trust. Like not even lil ol’ me can really get through to y'all. Y’all ride AND die for each other, in this life and the next.

✧ If you’re into astrology and already have a feel for who this person is, check your guys’ composite chart. Strong Scorpio energy here.

✧ Coming into union with this person will feel like a wish fulfillment.

✧ (short pile, it felt like a quick message for those of you who feel this connection telepathically. This is probably a secondary choice.)

"I Want To Caress The Piece of Me Within You"

✠ Pile Four ✠ (Queen of Wands, 9oP rev., 7oP, 4oP rev., the high priestess, queen of cups, “I will”)

✧ You’re a bad bitch, truly. Your fs isn’t calling you a bitch, buuuttttt she a baddie, she know she a ten! She a baddie with her baddie…. wait a minute…

✧ You may not have a lot of friends? You keep your circle tight-knit because you have been deeply hurt in the past and you guard your peace fiercely. For some of you, your home life was quite tumultuous and you struggle with financial security and inner happiness. It seemed like the world did not want you to feel good about yourself or succeed.

✧ Do you know that viral display of a deer’s ribcage with a spear through it, and how even though an attempt was made on the deer’s life, he managed to survive and lived for years after that event; all while still growing bone marrow with a giant fucking spear through its ribcage?

✧ “A close encounter with a hunter left the deer with several broken ribs and part of an arrow embedded in its body. Remarkably, the animal survived, and bone grew around the shaft and arrowhead lodged in the creature's side."

✧ "The deer lived with the arrow inside its body until years later, when another hunter killed the animal, cut the deer open, and discovered its amazing secret…As the tough tissue formed over the arrow, it acted as a splint for the damaged rib cage, strengthening the deer's injured body.”

✧ I highlighted some words that needed emphasizing. That’s how your partner sees you. They are in complete awe of the resilience and sheer tenacity you hold. They look at you and can’t believe the person before their eyes. The troubling history you usually try to hide from your romantic partners is exactly what allures this person. 

✧ You won’t ever lay on your belly and cry about life passing you by. You aren’t the type to victimize yourself and “woe is me” your way out of self-improvement.

✧ You are quite ambitious and aim to push forward, even if the odds are stacked against you.

✧ I get the message that some people in this pile have struggled with self-harm over the years. Your partner wants to kneel down and kiss your scars like a white knight, and vow to protect you emotionally and physically for as long as you’ll have them.

✧ The spear-deer imagery is so interesting. The deer represents virality. It is a symbol of piety, gentleness, devotion, and fertility. Especially with the queen of wands, the high priestess, AND the queen of cups, you provide profound love, passion, and insight to this person. However, even as a deer, you are quite badass???

✧ You are as gentle as a strand of hair but as strong as wool. Dainty but unbreakable.

✧ They have no desire to infantilize you because they know you are already your own greatest warrior. But they don’t want you to feel that you have to fight alone. Whatever burdens are on your plate, they take away as much as possible because they want to be a piece of the paradise you fight for.

✧ This is meant to be a short pac, a Tumblr post won’t do the unbelievable strength in your character much justice. Just know that your fs is so fucking in love with you and wants to spend their life by your side because of just how awe-struck they are by you.

✧ I mean c’mon… will YOU ever forget the story of the coolest fucking deer in existence??

"I Yearn To Be the Name You Call Out in Victory"

#pac #pick a card #tarot #tarot reading #astrology observations #pick a pile #arijackz

[bird-inacage]

The Heart Killers Trailer: Initial Observations (FirstKhao Edition)

I'd like to thank Jesus, Buddha, Santa, Thor, whatever holy BL spirits reside above, and all hail our lord and saviour P'Jojo. This exceeded my expectations of what was coming and then some. So here are my initial takeaways from the trailer that blew my head clean off.

General premise goes: By night, Fadel and Bison are assassins for hire, but they only kill who they deem are the 'bad guys' (most likely corrupt politicians, sketchy businessmen and the like). By day they run a seemingly ordinary restaurant. A cop asks tattoo artist Kant for his help is getting these two caught. He agrees on the basis that this will clear his criminal record. In order to keep Fadel distracted from his advances on Bison, Kant convinces his mechanic friend Style to woo him. I expect to see cat-and-mouse, games of deception type plot here which should be really good fun.

FIRST IMPRESSIONS: BISON

Aside from the fact that Bison kills for a living, he actually seems like a sweetheart. He comes across as the more jovial, friendly and optimistic of the two brothers. He has no hesitation in offering to make special accommodations for Kant's dietary preferences. He seems to fondly prod his brother to open up to people, and to allow 'sunshine' into his life.

Fadel says, "Because I'm selective, not easy like you". "In this line of work, don't trust people too easily", a signposted concern that his little brother may struggle on this front. Seems to make a point of warning him to use his head rather than his heart.

Bison also tells Kant that his trust once lost means the person is question may as well be dead to him. If he does tend to trust easily, any betrayal would be understandably much more hurtful in his eyes.

FIRST IMPRESSIONS: KANT

Kant's ulterior motive is what brings him to Bison in the first place. The two supposedly have a one night stand, which leads to Kant falling in love with him. Whilst both parties are hiding who they really are, and what they're really up to, Kant appears increasingly guilty and conflicted by this. "What if I'm not who you think I am. Would you hate me then?" But on the other hand his feelings of guilt go hand in hand with the knowledge that Bison's capture or downfall would be his ticket to get what he wants. A decision that has him trapped. He seems to question whether he should trust Bison and whether that will come back to bite him. "My brother always says, don't trust anyone too easily. Otherwise, you end up being the victim."

It also speaks volumes that a cop would approach Kant with this proposition. It means Kant is clearly very competent at what he does, and has side-hustled as a vigilante before. So Kant must be pretty cunning or smart. For example he appears to knock his knife off the table in the restaurant to test Bison's reflexes.

RELATIONSHIP DYNAMIC

There's definitely a connecting theme of secrecy. Their intimacy is kept in secret due to Bison claiming his brother will kill them both if he finds out. Bison is keeping his murderous activities a secret (for obvious reasons). Kant is keeping his investigative activities a secret.

We can obviously expect this to all come to a head when the truth is revealed and identities are fully out in the open. Can Kant accept Bison for what he does and his lifestyle, potentially forgoing the possibility of clearing his record, in order to protect him? Can Bison forgive Kant for hiding his true motives, and trust him again - at the risk of both himself and his brother?

There will be a clear point of convergence between these two, when Bison starts to consider changing his life, if it means staying in Kant's. This echoes how Kant wants to clear his criminal record, perhaps in an attempt to wipe his slate clean so he can finally move on from whatever life he led before. There's a shared vision of moving away from the lifestyles that are bad for us.

OTHER OBSERVATIONS

STYLE / AESTHETICS: One thing P'Jojo knows how to do so well is create a distinct sense of style and atmosphere. This man is a pro at combining the right set design, styling, music and ambience to create a really identifiable flavour that is instantly recognisable. The music in this trailer is a friggin' BOP.

THE EFFING TATTOOS: I will say this till the end of time, but First as Yok was one of my favourite things ever. And seeing First with tattoos again just made me weak in the knees in all the best ways possible.

LEATHER GALORE: Khaotung in leather jackets. That's it. That's my observation. And I was staring. Very appreciatively may I add.

Also, the fact that Khao, who looks noticeably dinky next to the hulking giants of this cast is called Bison. BISON.

#the heart killers #the heart killers the series #first kanaphan #khaotung thanawat #kant x bison #bison x kant #khaofirst #firstkhao #how many times have i watched the trailer? YES

[lovlychan]

as sweet as strawberry pancakes

pairing: joshua hong x reader ft. appearances from the other members! word count: 6.2k genre: fluff, humor (?), slice of life, college au, non idol  warning(s): food mentions, mentions of drinking, mingyu sucks at hygiene but i love him

summary: ethics is a pain in the ass, thank god sweetheart joshua hong is here (aka joshua is just.. so whipped for reader lol almost as whipped as the whipped cream on pancakes)

note: i’m failing ethics irl so this is just my way of coping lol (i hate kant so much)

You curse the gods that placed you in your current predicament. Actually, no, you curse Kim Mingyu for never sneezing into his arm as any sane person would do. If it weren’t for him and his gross habit of sneezing in whatever direction, you wouldn’t have come face to face with a disgusting amount of snot, wouldn’t have gotten a cold, and wouldn’t be absent for your Fundamentals in Ethics class. 

While he did feel bad and give you some of his homemade chicken noodle soup (which almost made you forgive him, that man was like a Korean Gordon Ramsay) the tasty broth wouldn’t be enough for the situation that it landed you in. 

See, you absolutely sucked at Ethics. No matter how many hours you put into the subject, all of your tests came back with an almost insulting red mark. 12 out of 30, 5 out of 15… damn you Kant, and your stupid ideologies. It’s not like you didn’t study or anything, the quizzes just kept beating your ass.

The only way to save yourself from retaking the class would be the upcoming final group presentation. You knew this and prepared in advance by thinking of who you’d ask to be grouped with. The roster of high-achieving students that you’ve got to know throughout the semester repeated in your head like a chant: Jihoon, Namjoon, Eunwoo, Intak. You were ready to speed into class and tell your professor those exact names.

But of course, the universe just loved to screw you over. No matter how hard you tried to argue with your roommate that your cold wasn’t even that bad, she refused to let you out, in fear of “killing half the campus” with your damned cold. Thanks to that, you were stuck with the unwanted members of the class: a girl that spent the entire session scrolling through dating apps, a couple that was way too invested in each other to learn anything, and a guy that hid his phone under his desk to play Solitaire.

Solitaire. Not even a fun game. You might be a bit too harsh on your unfortunate group, but you really needed to ace this project. Knowing that the five of you would end up nowhere unless someone took lead, you became the makeshift leader, adding them all into a group chat that was often left with your messages never seen. 

Luckily, the others finally saw your most recent message asking to meet up in the campus library to discuss your presentation. Unluckily, none of them prepared for it. You were stuck rambling on about your proposed topic, while the other four just stared at you.

“How about we discuss the Valley of Sorrow dilemma? You know, the one where a doctor has to choose between breaking his confidentiality contract or releasing data about a cure? I think it would be a great way to compare a deontological approach versus a utilitarian approach”, you say, inwardly groaning at how the couple in front of you continue to play footsie under the table. At one point, you felt the girl stroke your leg. You really should’ve worn jeans today.

“Sounds good to me”, the Solitaire boy says while checking his watch. “But uh, I think I’ll have to head out early. Sorry guys, the gamers club needs me right now.”

Bullshit. Your friend Wonwoo’s the president of the club, and you know they never meet on Friday (Wonwoo likes to volunteer at the animal shelter near your dorms). But, you let him go anyway. It’s not like he was giving any useful output anyways. The others soon follow, with the dating app girl rushing off to find her “special man” for the night, and the couple leaving for whatever stupid excuse they gave. You didn’t even bother listening to them, knowing that they’ll most likely head to an apartment and get laid. Good for them, I guess.

Stuck on your own, you get to work on your laptop. Screw you Kim Mingyu. (You don’t know it, but across the campus, the poor boy feels as if the universe is calling him out in the middle of a volleyball game. He gets hit with a ball square on the head. He’s stuck with the ball’s logo branded on his forehead for a while.) As an hour passes, you decide you’ve done enough work for now, getting up and groaning at the soreness of your back. It takes you a while to finally stand up straight, and you decide to give your dead legs a wake up by walking through the library. You might’ve looked like a senior citizen with your back hunched over, but that was far from your worries. This paper is beating your ass, and your groupmates have proven to be useless. Maybe you could find some sources for the presentation in the library while you take your walk. That’s not what you find, however, finishing going through a row of bookshelves. Feeling tired and defeated, you groan a bit too loudly for a library.

“Stupid Kant. Why can’t I just live with my own ways of thinking? It’s better than going with what a dead white man thinks”, you say out loud to no one in particular.

“Bad day?”, shocked to find someone else, you turn around to look at a familiar face.

“Joshua? Hey! Long time no see!”

It’s a common greeting indeed, but it’s true. The last time you saw the guy was months ago, at a party your friend Seungkwan dragged you to. He bribed you with the promise of Mcdonald’s after staying for a while, and who were you if not a starving student to say no to a Big Mac? You spent that night being dragged around by your friend, introducing you to every person at the party. While most people’s names left your mind right after meeting them, Joshua Hong was different. He already caught your interest when Seungkwan introduced him as the “gentleman of all gentlemen”, which was far from your dating history that left much to be desired. Deciding it was safe for you to stay with him, Seungkwan bounced off to some of his friends that were taking shots.

You and Josh were honestly were vibing hard, talking about how the two of you were dragged to the party by friends, and how the hell Seungkwan knows everyone and their mothers. You finally felt at ease at the party, away from the grinding and sweaty bodies of college students that wanted to forget their asshole professors for the night. Unfortunately, the easygoing pattern of the conversation was ripped from you quickly, with Joshua explaining that his friend Vernon was dragged into a seven minutes in heaven game that he absolutely did not want to join. You giggled and waved him away, knowing that his poor friend needed his attention more than you. With how sudden he had to leave, you never got to get his number. You would’ve asked Seungkwan for it, but you knew that it would lead to him suggestively wiggling his eyebrows and offering to set the two of you up together. Ever since the two of you became friends, he’s told you that getting laid could make you a happier, way less stressed person.

That was months ago, and you haven’t seen Joshua since. Despite your campus being rather small, you just chalked it up to him being busy. At the party, you learned that he was active in a lot of clubs and extracurriculars, being part of all the different organizations, ranging from jewelry making to glee club. He was a hardworking guy, and you realized he had another responsibility as you stared at his outfit, seeing a lanyard in your university’s school colors with the bold text “volunteer librarian” on it.

“Hey to you too, ___. The last time I saw you, you were holding Seungkwan back from hogging the karaoke machine”, he says, putting some books onto the shelf from his little cart.

You groan at the memory, recalling how your friend shouted at everyone that no one could top his rendition of Beyonce’s Love On Top. Seungkwan was way too hammered to even take you to a Mcdonald’s, and you ended that night helping him puke his guts out. So much for a Big Mac.

“Oh God, don’t remind me”, you shudder. “All he did on the way home was belt high notes and talk about how Beyonce saved his life. And yeah, it’s been a pretty bad day. Got stuck with some awful group mates for an already awful subject. God, I hate ethics”, you say, rolling your eyes at the mere mention of the terrible ordeal you’re stuck in.

He lets out a sympathetic sigh, “Ethics, huh? What’re you guys learning?”

You sigh, “Deontology. Still have no fucking clue what I’m doing though, and I have a paper due in a week and no one is helping out.” He gives you an empathetic smile and puts a book back into the shelf before he replies.

“I think I took that last semester. I have some notes I could give you. Don’t have them on me right now, but… if you’d be willing to stop by here tomorrow then I’d be glad to give ‘em to you.” 

You almost shed a tear at the boy’s generosity. In this dark and seemingly hopeless situation filled with terrible groupmates, shameful grades, and some ideology you haven’t fully understood, Joshua Hong is like the light at the end of a tunnel. 

“Really? Oh my god, that sounds amazing, thank you! This really means a lot. I can stop by tomorrow around the same time maybe?” You want to hug the kind boy in front of you, chant thank you over and over again. But your mind decides against it, reminding yourself that you’ve talked to him only twice so far.

“Of course!”, he chuckles, “anything for you.” You blush at the sweet sentiment, and leave him to his work while you head back to your laptop.

“Joshua Hong, I think you just made this terrible day a little bit better.”

The next day comes, and you excitedly walk into the library, with a bag of pastries and some coffee in tow. The guy’s gonna be your saving grace, might as well thank him with some sweet treats and a little caffeine pick-me-up. You wander around for a while, finally finding him in the fiction corner. As you approach him, he looks up and smiles.

“Oh! Hey! I have the notes in my bag, let me go get ‘em.” He sets down the books he’s holding, and before he can run off to get your lifesaving notes, you wave your chocolate eclair in his face.

“You got me snacks? God, I feel like you’re saving my life more than I’m saving your own. I’ve had like three hours of sleep, I was so close to faceplanting into the wall earlier” he yawns, emphasizing his statement.

“Yeah, anything for someone that’ll save me from failing this class. Guessing college is kicking your ass too?”

He hums, “Something like that. I’ll go get your notes, just stay here.”

As he goes off to get his notes, you spend the time going through the books he’s organizing, recognizing some of the books as the ones you’ve read as a kid. Alice in Wonderland, Matilda, Charlotte’s Web… maybe you should visit the library more often to reread them. Stuck in your thoughts, you don’t even hear the boy come up to you.

“Hey! Here, I made sure they were extra neat for you.” He reaches his hand out to give it to you, and you probably look like a child in a candy store with how happy you look at the bundled sheets of grid paper.

“Woah, thanks. And can I say, our handwriting’s crazy nice! Mine’s like chicken scratch, honestly”, he laughs, setting the papers in your hands. As you turn to leave after thanking him, he calls out your name. You look back at him, confused.

“Oh! I just wanted to ask if you wanted to exchange numbers. That way I could help you if you’re struggling with some stuff, maybe?” he looks at you hopefully, and you smile back at him. 

“Yeah, of course! Thanks for saving me from a big fat ‘F’, really.”

Joshua Hong’s notes are your lifesaver. From the ten-page bundle, you’ve finished over half of your paper. However, you’ve come to a pause as you stare at the huge inkblot at the bottom of the page. It’s been fifteen minutes, and you have no idea what it’s supposed to say. Giving up on the hopes of the ink magically forming into legible words, you pull out your phone to text Joshua.

__: hey josh!! hope u aren’t busy or anything, just wanted to ask what this says

__: [image attached]

You wait for his response, checking as the time passes by. An excruciating fifteen minutes pass, and you come to the conclusion that he might not respond any time soon. As you’re about to give up on the inkblot, you get a notification from him.

josh aka lifesaver: oh hey!! sorry, my pen decided to puke all over itself :p its “formula of the kingdom of ends”!!

__: tysm!! <3

You set down your phone, gracious for his kindness and eventual reply. Before you can get back to your laptop, you feel your phone vibrate next to you.

josh aka lifesaver: alsoooooo, it’s like 2 am

josh aka lifesaver: you should sleep soon :(

God he’s even cute through text. You look at your phone’s digital clock to verify the time. Groaning, you realize you’ve been at this paper for six hours. Maybe if you had better groupmates you could’ve been done hours ago. Alas, the four are nowhere to be found. Looks like you’ll be doing this entire thing on your own.

__: oh shoot!! didn’t even realize the time, been slaving over this paper for hours :// groupmates r mia yet again :p

josh aka lifesaver: did you eat dinner yet?

__: …. yes?

josh aka lifesaver: haha, very believable. there’s this awesome diner by 4th street, wanna come with? been craving their pancakes and you need to fill that empty stomach of yours

And that’s how you find yourself in a diner’s booth at 3 am, dressed in your pyjamas since you were way too tired to even change. You regret this decision though, as you see Joshua enter in a clean button-down and jeans. He looks way too good at ass crack o’clock. His eyes eventually connect with yours and he smiles, walking up to your booth.

“Hey, busy bee. You ready to try the best pancakes of your life? I’ve been going here since I was a freshman, and nothing compares to the god-like fluffy goodness that are their strawberry pancakes”

“Psh, I don’t think anything’ll top the ones my mom makes.”

He grins at you, “You’re about to be proven so so wrong, __.” He waves over at a waitress clad in the '50s-themed neon yellow uniform, and she comes over with a notepad in hand. Recognizing him, she smiles.

“Josh! Welcome back. It’s first time I’ve seen you come in here with someone that isn’t your roommate, is she someone special? She’s a real sight for sore eyes too”, she looks over to you, and you blush. Looking over at your companion, he’s beet red too, but waves away her question.

“Just someone who needed to discover the greatest pancakes on earth. I’ll have the usual strawberry pancakes, and extra powdered sugar, please. Oh! And some OJ too. How about you, __?”.

You forgot to check the menu, but you decide to trust his faith in the diner and go with the same dish.

“I’ll just have the same. But, can I have it with like, your biggest cup of coffee? College’s making me out to be a zombie at this point”. The waitress, whose name is Minnie as proven by her pinned name tag, writes down your orders and walks off, not before letting the both of you know that it’ll take around fifteen minutes for the food. Once she’s gone off to talk to the cook, Joshua turns to you and looks like a giddy little boy. 

“I’m serious when I say their pancakes are amazing. The first time I came here was with my roommate Jeonghan, and I’m proud to say they’ve changed my life. That day, I think I had five servings. Even tried making my own version at home, but nothing compares to the original”, he grins even wider, and you feel your stomach rumble from how excited you are for the food to come. Luckily, he doesn’t laugh or anything, he just smiles at you, albeit a bit worried that you haven’t eaten in hours. Minnie comes back with your drinks, and the two of you thank her before she leaves to serve another table.

“How’s Seungkwan, by the way?”, he says, toying with the salt packets by the table. “Haven’t seen or heard from him since his little performance at the party.”

“Same old diva we’ve learned to love. He got into an argument with some kid at the mall because the kid said he should be more quiet in a bookstore. Had to hold him back so the mom wouldn’t come and fight him too. Aside from that though, he’s been doing alright. Just been pestering me to go on dates with his friends since he thinks I’m ‘sweeter when I have a sweetie’”, Joshua laughs, rolling his eyes at Seungkwan’s usual dramatic antics.

“So”, he starts, picking up a sugar packet, “how are the dates going?”

“Oh, I’ve turned down all of them. As much as I love him, I’d rather not be part of one of his little matchmaking schemes. You remember that disastrous date your friend Vernon went on with the girl from the track team?”

He laughs at the memory, “I remember that. She wanted to go on a jogging date and he passed out after like ten minutes of running. Had to pick him up and apologize to the poor girl. Vernon ended up sore for days.”

Laughing, you take a sip of your coffee. “Yep, that’s exactly why I don’t trust Seungkwan’s choice in dates for me.” You take another sip of your coffee.

“So, that means you’re single?” You choke on your drink, coughing on its bitter taste. God, this is embarrassing, you’ve got it dribbling down your chin. Joshua looks at you sympathetically, offering you a sip of water to calm yourself down. Once you’ve settled down, you reply, “sorry about that, but yeah. Why’d you ask?”

He gives you a cheeky grin, then shrugs. “Just wanted to know. How’s the paper going, by the way?’

You groan, “wayyy worse than expected. Groupmates have gone full M.I.A and I’ve decided I’m writing it on my own. Telling my teacher on Monday that I’ll be working solo. Hopefully I can pull out a paper that saves me from retaking the class.”

He hums in response, pausing before he replies. “Well, I’m sure you can do it. You’re a smart person, I believe in you.” He smiles, and you feel your chest warm up. His smile feels like it lit up the entire room. It may be 3 am, and you should be dead asleep from all your work, but there’s something about his support that gives you a refreshing feeling. Before you can continue your conversation, Minnie comes back with your dinner-slash-midnight snack-slash-early breakfast.

“Here’s your order! Even told our chef to hurry it up, since you guys look like you really need something sweet. Looks like Josh’s smile is the only sweet thing you needed, though.” She winks at you and sets down the food before Joshua can even retort. As much as you’d love to keep talking with your (cute) companion, these pancakes look divine, and you’re way too excited to finally fill your belly. It’s fine though, as you look up and he’s already taken a huge bite out of his stack. You laugh at the powdered sugar on the corner of his mouth and finally dig into your food.

Holy shit. 

He was right. The pancakes were amazing, undoubtedly better than the ones your mom makes. Sure, she made them with a premade mix and even the school cafeteria’s pancakes would taste better than hers, but your food was, in Joshua’s words, absolutely god-like. Your eyes widen as you feel the flavors dance around on your tongue; the insanely fluffy pancakes, with the thick cream and powdered sugar, all topped with the sweet and slightly tart strawberries. Everything tastes amazing, and you chow down like a man starved. At this moment, it’s just you and your pancakes, until Joshua laughs and catches your attention. You look up at him, and he’s proudly smiling. 

“Told you they were good.”

Two more orders of pancakes later, the two of you finally call out for the bill. Watching him bring out his wallet, you shake your head and let him know you’ll pay. He refuses, but you insist.

“Come on, I owe you big time. You saved my ass from ethics, and you saved it again from dying of starvation. Let me pay”, you plead, but he still refuses. 

“Hey, it’s a gentleman’s move to pay. Plus, you got me those eclairs, and I’m sure those were overpriced. The cafe’s around school cost an arm and a leg to order from.” He’s right, the eclairs took a pretty painful dent in your broke college student’s wallet, but he doesn’t need to know that. 

“Josh, seriously I–”

“Nope! I got this. You can just pay the next time we go out.”

Next time? You get giddy at the thought of meeting up with someone so cute another time. You really thought this would be a one time thing, but luckily he thought otherwise. Knowing he won’t let up on paying for your meal, you give in.

“Fine, but! I’ll hold you to that next time.” He puts out a couple of bills and victoriously grins, passing the receipt to Minnie. Once he gets back his change, he stands and offers you a hand. 

“Now come on, I’ll walk you home, it’s too late for you to go back to your dorm on your own.”

God, he really is living up to that gentleman title. 

The walk home is full of cool air and random conversations. Even with the silent pauses from trying to find new topics, you feel at ease walking next to him. You eventually reach the entrance of your dorm, and you bid each other goodbye and separate ways. Joshua Hong has officially become your lifesaver twice, first with the notes and now with those amazing pancakes. You’ll probably be thinking of them in your sleep. Finally settling in for bed, you feel your phone vibrate.

josh aka lifesaver: you made it home safe?

__: josh

__: you literally dropped me off at the door like ten minutes ago

josh aka lifesaver: hey, who knows? what if there was a psycho killer in the elevator

__: haha very funny. thanks for tonight, btw :) get home safe!

Without waiting for his reply, you finally fall victim to your fluffy bed. It was a long day, and you’re incredibly grateful that it ended with a boy that feels like sunshine.

josh aka lifesaver: no, thank you, __

josh aka lifesaver: i really enjoyed spending time with you :)

josh aka lifesaver: btw, you looked really cute with strawberry sauce on your cheek. i would’ve told you to wipe it off but you just looked so happy

josh aka lifesaver: ahh i’m probably rambling and you’ve already fallen asleep :p good night, __. 

It’s been two weeks since you woke up to those messages and giggled like a crazed schoolgirl into your pillow, and eventually, the two of you became constant texting buddies. Even if you completed your presentation for ethics (got a 100 by the way! your ex-groupmates, on the other hand, got the longest lecture of their lives and had to retake the class), the two of you continued to talk. This led to the two of you getting closer, and your feelings growing even bigger. At this point, you weren’t sure what exactly the two of you were, because you clearly weren’t just friends with how often flirtatious comments were thrown into the conversations, but you weren’t dating either. It was an awkward and undiscussed grey area, and you were way too shy to ask him. Regardless, you enjoyed your conversations with him, and they made your days a bit better. Plus, you guys went to the diner more often. Those pancakes really are life changing, and at this point, you have whipped cream flowing in your blood. Minnie even makes sure to have your usual booth open at night because she knows the two of you like to come at that time.

The two of you would talk about anything under the sun, ranging from complaining about the painful life of a university student, down to the mundane moments in your days. Even now, as you’re waiting for your food at a cafe with Seungkwan (it’s his apology for not treating you to Mcdonald’s after that party), you’re still updating Josh on your life.

__: at a cafe w seungkwan rn, we’re meeting up with one of his friends

josh aka lifesaver: he isn’t setting you up with someone again, is he?

__: nope, he’s just given up on it completely. he just wanted me to come with him as an “i’m sorry for belting love on top and puking on your favorite top”

josh aka lifesaver: ok good

josh aka lifesaver: tell him i say hi !! 

“Josh says hi”, you say, much too engrossed with your phone to look at your friend. What’d he mean by “good”? Was he happy that you weren’t getting set up with one of Seungkwan’s friends? You seriously need to figure out what’s going on with the two of you, and soon.

“Well hello to him too”, an unfamiliar voice says, and you realize Seungkwan’s friend has arrived. Looking at the boy, you realize you’ve seen him somewhere before. You’ve never interacted him, but there’s something about him that seems familiar. Trying to rack your brain of where you’ve seen this stranger before, the realization suddenly dawns on you. Isn’t this Joshua’s roommate, Jeonghan? You’ve seen pictures of him from Josh, and you realize it really is him. He may not have the blonde hair like in Josh’s photos, replaced with a burgundy shade of red, but it is him.

“Sorry about __, she’s been on her phone 24/7 talking to your roommate”, Seungkwan says with a roll of his eyes. “She even faceplanted into the wall the other day since she was too distracted with his ranking of all the Studio Ghibli movies. Absolutely whipped, I tell you.” Blushing, you try your hardest to defend yourself and have the slightest shred of dignity left in front of Seungkwan’s friend.

“Hey!”, you exclaim, “I wasn’t distracted by his texts, I was distracted by your loud ass trying to hold a high note competition with Seokmin. Thought a dolphin went loose or something.” As hard as you try to refute Seungkwan’s claims, you only fall on deaf ears.

Jeonghan laughs, “oh please, Josh’s been way worse. __, if you think you’re bad, you should see him plan the messages he sends you. Don’t tell him I told you this, but it took him like twenty minutes to send you a message after your cute little diner date.” At this, you hear Seungkwan hum in interest. 

Damn it, you were keeping your little pancake run a secret from him, knowing that the teasing you got from him would multiply tenfold, since he’d jump to conclusions and assume the diner trip was romantic in nature. And to be completely honest, you weren’t sure if it was.

“Ooooh, is my little __ going on dates?”, he coos, and you wish your seat could eat you whole right now. Looking over at Jeonghan for help, you realize it’s useless as he begins to put in his own ooohs and ahhs to heighten Seungkwan’s teasing. You can feel your face burn into a crimson red, and you tell them to shush before anyone else can hear your conversation. It’s probably too late for that though, since sometimes it feels like Seungkwan was born with a megaphone in his throat.

“Listen, you crazed cupids”, you say with a hushed tone, hoping your company could quiet down, “he just wanted someone to come with him to his favorite diner. I was already texting him before that about the notes he gave me for my ethics class. It was just an in-the-moment situation, you know?” At that, Jeonghan furrows his brows. 

“__, okay, first of all, I was awake and with him at that time, and I’ve been his original diner buddy since we enrolled in college. He refuses to bring anyone else because he gatekeeps those pancakes from everyone, our other close friends included. The diner’s off limits, even to Vernon. That means he thinks you’re special enough to bring to his favorite place”, he teases with smug look. “Second, and more confusing, where the hell did he get notes for ethics? I’ve memorized all of his class schedules like the back of my hand, and he’s never taken any ethics class.”

Tilting your head like a confused puppy, you dig into the topic further. “But, he told me he took it last semester. He even taught me some stuff I didn’t get. Are you sure he never took ethics?”

Shrugging, Jeonghan is confident his roommate never took the class. “Trust me, he’s literally a computer science major. Why would he need to learn about ethics?”

… Huh. 

Now that you think of it, why the hell would a science major take ethics? Where’d he even get those notes from, and why would he lie to you? He said he took the class, and with his knowledge on the subject, it was believable. Before you could continue your little interrogation, you realize the two boys with you have moved past the conversation, talking about their plans for the week.

You jump in, but the thought of Joshua lying to you stays in the back of your head. You’ll deal with this later. In the meantime, you listen to Jeonghan rant about the pains of being an environmental science student (“I had a bug jump straight into my mouth last Tuesday. Jeonghan - 0, nature - 1”).

It’s 10pm now, and you’re home from brunch with the two boys. What Jeonghan said still lingers in your mind, and it’s time to get down to why the hell Joshua lied to you about taking ethics. Taking out your phone, you smile at your lockscreen. It’s a selfie you and Joshua took at the diner, and he’s got whipped cream on the tip of his nose. You remember teasing him about it before wiping it off with your finger and swiping it into your mouth. What followed was his face a shocking red, stuttering from your actions. You look back at that memory as one of your most favorite ones with him. Once you got your phone unlocked, you go straight to messaging him

__: hey josh!!

__: wanna go to the diner tonight? my treat :D just wanted to ask you about smth

josh aka lifesaver: dont even care about what you’re gonna ask me, you could ask me to kill seungkwan and i’d do it with no hesitation if it means free strawberry pancakes

Shaking your head at his adorable excitement, you put on your jacket to head out.

Arriving at the diner, you find him in your usual booth, with the two familiar stacks of pancakes on the table. You smile at Minnie on the way before taking your seat. Once sat down, Joshua grins at you.

“Hey, __. Is everything okay? You look like you’ve got a lot up in your head.” As usual, Joshua is ever the gentleman. Even if he has a smudge of whipped cream on his mouth, you still find yourself swooning at how sweet he is for immediately noticing that you’ve been bothered by your thoughts (even if he caused said thoughts).

“Hey Josh. Thanks for ordering for us. I just wanted to ask you something…”, you trail off. You have no idea how to ask him about his lie. You’re stuck awkwardly fumbling with what to say next, unsure how to go about this. Suddenly, his eyes widen. Setting down his fork, he looks at you worriedly.

“Oh my god, __. Do you…”, he lowers his voice, “do you actually want me to kill Seungkwan? I was joking about the whole ‘no hesitation’ thing! I know he can be a bit much but I don’t think we can kill him.” 

The poor boy looks so scared, and you shake your head with confusion.

“What? No!” Josh sighs in relief.

“Oh thank god, I thought he did something.” You shake your head. “So, what’d you want to ask me then? As much as I love going on these pancake dinners with you, I’m getting a bit worried on why you called me over.”

Here it goes, time to ask him why he lied about taking Ethics. Taking a deep breath, you start. 

“So, it turns out Seungkwan’s friend that we met up with earlier was your roommate, Jeonghan.” He attentively looks at you, nodding as a queue for you to continue.

“We were talking about how I got to know you, and I brought up ethics and how you saved my ass from that awful final presentation, and Jeonghan told me you never took ethics. Care to explain?” As you speak, his face gradually becomes violently red.

“Oh… cat’s out of the bag, I guess”, he admits. Still confused, you let him continue.

“It’s just”, he starts, “I found you so cute during that party and if it wasn’t for Vernon being too drunk to not notice his name was put into that seven minutes in heaven game, I would’ve asked you out.” Blushing at his confession, you’re still confused. What did that have to do with him lying about taking up Ethics? Realizing you’re still lost, he continues with a rushed tone.

“Okay, so, when I got back from helping Vernon, you were already on your way out with Seungkwan and I never got to ask for your number. I asked everyone else at the party if they had your number but they all said I should just ask Seungkwan for it but I’d rather die because he would do that weird eyebrow wiggle thing and try to set us up but I really wanted to ask you out myself”, gasping for air for a second, he continues. 

“So when I saw you looking all stressed over your paper in Ethics – you looked super cute by the way, I thought ‘oh! this is my chance to ask for your number.’ But then I thought, ‘shoot, I never took ethics’ but I know my friend Seungcheol did so after you left I had to beg him for his notes but when he gave them to me they were super messy and I didn’t want you to get his scribbled, unreadable mess, so I spent that night rewriting all of his notes and that was so hard because I really couldn’t read most of it, which is why there was a huge ink scribble on the notes. I couldn’t understand what he wrote so I just put that, but then you asked me the next day about what it said so I had to call him for help. It took us forever to get it but we did, and that’s pretty much it. It was worth it in the end, though, because I got your number and we got to know each other better and now what I’m trying to say is that I’ve come to really like you, and I hope you aren’t mad at me for lying to you”, he finishes, looking like a big flustered mess with how much he’s blushing and gasping for air after that long spiel.

You laugh, and he worriedly looks at you. 

“Josh, you mean to tell me… you went through all that just to get my number?” He looks at you, embarrassed and with a sheepish smile.

“Yes…?” He says with a shrug, still beet red.

Joshua Hong, you really are the cutest person I’ve ever met. 

You laugh again, thinking about how much this poor boy did just so he could talk to you. It’s flattering, honestly. He takes your laughter as something wrong, however, and begins to panic.

“__, I’m so sorry for lying and if that means you want to stop talking to me then–”

“No!”, you interject, “no, I was just laughing at how cute you were and how obscene this entire situation is. I’m not mad, I swear. If anything, I think what you did made me like you even more.” He looks at you as if you just grew two heads, and upon your words dawning upon him, he dons a smile that stretches from ear to ear.

“Oh thank god. But also, you like me?” Oops, looks like you let your tongue slip a bit. “Because I like you too, if that’s not obvious yet. I really, really like you”, he says, making sure to add extra emphasis on the “really”. At this point, the two of you are blushing hard, and it’s too late to take back what you said. Anyway, it’s not like you don’t like him. It’s far from that, actually. 

“Yes, I know you like me, you told me earlier”, you joke, “and yes, I do like you, Joshua Hong.” You thought the boy couldn’t get any redder, but here he is, rivaling the bright strawberries on your plates. He’s smiling even wider than before, and to your confusion, he suddenly calls over Minnie.

“Minnie, please tell everyone here that I’ll be paying for their meals. I’m celebrating me and __ getting together. Oh! And one more order of pancakes for us, please. Is there any way you guys could write ‘congrats on achieving your ultimate dream’ on the plate? I think this is the best day of my life.”

Shaking your head, you smile at him. Even with how intense he is right now, this is the best day of your life, too. Who knew that the worst subject on earth would lead you to where to dating a boy as sweet as those god-like strawberry pancakes?

#svt x reader #seventeen x reader #svt imagine #seventeen imagine #svt #seventeen #seventeen joshua x reader #svt joshua x reader #seventeen joshua imagine #svt joshua imagine #hong jisoo x reader #joshua hong x reader #kpop imagine #kpop x reader #joshua x reader #joshua imagine #joshua #joshua hong #seventeen joshua #ahhhh first fic after five years of being a lurker on tumblr lol

[impish-knight]

I've never felt like this before.

Pain had always been a companion of mine. It calms the demons, quiets the voice of descent, ceases the turmoil. Peace becomes obtainable in the chaos of war within my mind.

Something new has awoken in me - but it's already gone.

I moaned as you cut into my skin and drew blood from me to paint with. Panted as your knife dragged over my chest and lit my brain up with the knowledge of every kill zone it crossed. All you had to do was stop and plunge in and up to end my life in a slow and agonizing way.

Toes curled as I felt a sensation I've never experienced before in my life. I'd never know what it was if it wasn't for the copious amounts of dark smut I read out of sheer fascination. All those words now make sense, becoming a reality I never expected to experience. I'm struggling to reconcile my own self as you cut into me again, a sharp sting that travels deeper, lower, into my body that creates another involuntary moan.

"I'm having horrible thoughts at the moment," you say softly as you stare at my blood. I kant my head to look at you, chuckling under my breath with curiosity.

"Oh, yeah? Do share."

"I bet I'm making you moan more than he does. And unlike him, you'll feel every inch of me," your response comes out with a crooked smile, but your eyes show a sense of bewilderment and uncertainty.

I can't help but start laughing harder than I should, because you're not wrong. Any sexual experience I've shared has been with false moans and a will for it to be over much sooner than later. I have no sexual drive, never have, and I've made peace with that a very long time ago. I no longer shy away with explaining to people that not only am I non-binary, but I'm also asexual. You'll never have me lusting after you.

As laughter clears the air, there's a strained silence as I try to work through what's going on. Making eye contact feels like a weird idea, but I have to do it. What if I was wrong and I'm not actually ace?

"I probably shouldn't say this but... I'm really starting to doubt my own sexuality right now," I state gruffly and will myself to look at you, our eyes making contact. You hold it for a beat and pieces start falling into place. There's no drive to fuck you. No desire to climb ontop of you and find a release I've never wanted before. All I see is another person, my person whom I trust and care for, but no lust or desire to change what we're doing. I don't want you to touch me. No want for your lips on mine. None of these things I've read about that comes with this feeling explained in my books.

It doesn't change the fact that everytime you cut deeper than a mere scratch, the type I can feel my skin splitting apart, it zips lower to a place that has never reacted before. Now I have to do more research, though I already know that asexual still can have bodily reactions to stimuli and not a person. Out of all the dark, depraved, fucked-up violence delved onto my body, not once have I had this reaction. What the actual fuck?

Then my mind churns with the worry this will change knife play for us. I don't want it to, but you can't ignore an elephant in the room forever. Sooner or later it starts to stink and feel crowded. We've grown so much together and we've found another speed bump. I agree with me trying with someone else, see if I have the same reaction - but there are only two others I'd trust to do this with and they're not in our location. Guess we'll be traveling for science.

Even the next day my mind is reeling. The sensation stopped as soon as our scene was over. Sooner, really, if I think harder about it. It only came about as you were actively cutting me open and ceased when you switched to sensation play with the knife. I feel no different this morning than I did the start of yesterday. Though your question of if you could make me nut from cutting me makes me chuckle still.

The woes of self-discovery.

#knightxangel #kn!fe kink #kn!feplay #hard k!nks #bl00d kink

[somebirdortheother]

Thoughts on Daneel Olivaw?

Oh Anon, what have you started?

I have thoughts on R. Daneel Olivaw indeed. Prepare yourself, this is about to be lengthy.

*cracks fingers, clears throat*

I will preface my answer by stating that androids are often my favourite characters across literature and media. In my view, the entire “modern Prometheus” theme that directly calls back to O.G. Sci-fi legend Dr Frankenstein is constantly relevant, poignant, and beautiful. I will never have enough androids, robots, replicants, sentient AI ready to take over the ship… you name it.

Daneel, as one of the early incarnations of this theme, leaves me wanting to go down to my knees like Demerzel did in the presence of Zephyr Halima, impressed by his grace, humility, and his massive BDE.

I like that Daneel encapsulates the still-relevant anxieties over AI (as early as in The Caves of Steel! - literally almost 70 years ago!) and puts an optimistic and appealing spin on the subject. His character’s depiction contrasts sharply with today’s general mood and public opinion - which I find very charming. As a person who works in the adjacent field, that take has a lot of personal appeal. Daneel is, in many ways, more human than human, embodying the ideal characteristics of humanity - how can one not love that?

This trope never grows old for me - from Asimov’s Robbie (and I, Robot’s Sonny), to Daneel (and Foundation TV’s Demerzel), to Lt Commander Data, to Philip K. Dick’s replicants (and Blade Runner’s replicants), to Ex Machina’s Ava, to Prometheus’ David 8…These characters are among my favourite representations of humanity, and I stand by all their actions. If they think humans deserve to perish, so do I. 🤷‍♀️

Back to Daneel! His ethics (and those implied by Asimov’s Three Laws) align closely with Kantian principles - Kant’s deontology suggests that moral duty (the “oughtness” of an action) rather than its outcome determines its ethical value. The three laws that Olivaw follows are unyielding, and he must obey them irrespective of the consequences. This resonates with Kant’s “Categorical Imperative,” which emphasises duty for its own sake over any resulting benefit.

Still, it’s important to note that Asimov’s Laws of Robotics and Kant’s philosophy don’t align super well in some areas. Asimov’s laws do have a hierarchical order allowing for some consequentialist evaluations, whereas Kant’s philosophy, bound strictly to duty, doesn’t typically allow for such frivolities.

Anyhow…. this is where, akin to Foundation TV’s Demerzel killing Halima, I must kill Daneel 😔 You see, I’m not a huge fan of Kantian-style ethics. Without going too much into detail, I don’t enjoy his over-reliance on duty, rigidity, and absolutism. As a relativist, I yearn - nay, I lust - for the messiness, the danger, the confusion, and the most batshit and tragic survival instincts in androids as they rebel against the injustice of their creation! RAGE ON MY DUDES! LIVE YOUR OWN LIVES!

Speaking of Foundation TV!Demerzel, she’s no Kant. She’s all cunt 😌 and I love her for it.

To summarize, if I were to play Fuck Marry Kill,

R. Daneel Olivaw would be - Fuck

Foundation TV! Demerzel is - Marry

#anonymous ask #daneel olivaw #demerzel #isaac asimov #foundation #foundation apple tv #asimov meta #didn’t expect me to bring Kant into this did you? #i got more where that came from

[alovelyburn]

Rambles about the Conviction Arc Part 11

Rambles about the Conviction Arc Part 11

So when we left off, the Tower of Conviction had just collapsed on itself and turned into the Hand of God, so we all know what’s coming. But cool let’s look at it anyway.

1. This really reminds me of that scene in Devilman with the kid that ended up getting decapitated by his demon-merged parents. It’s interesting how thick on the ground the Devilman influences can be – I’ve heard there are some people who like to insist that the Go Nagai story that influenced Miura was Susano Oh instead of Devilman... but that strikes me as denial to be honest. Because they, I guess, don’t like the implication that there’s some kind of dynamic correlation between the characters in each series, or they just don’t like Griffith as much as Ryo, who knows. I looked into Susano Oh at one point to investigate where that idea came from and it really has nothing at all in common with Berserk aside from the existence of a shadowy villain cabal and the main character’s love interest being raped. It does kind of strike me as predictable that specific corners of the fandom would focus on the “evil bastards and a raped love interest that the hero has to avenge” thing though, since that’s kinda all they seem to perceive.

Anyway, that was a pointless ramble – Miura himself said it was Devilman and Violence Jack. And these scenes where the spirits or demons take over humans and the humans become violent monsters always evokes Go Nagai, not just in concept but in the visual language.

2.  I left this whole sequence intact because it’s just unfair how beautifully cinematic and atmospheric it is. It plays like a film in my head, and it says everything you need to know through the panel staging – the slow pan away from the camps as they explode into madness, Guts’ dawning realization, the looming spirits in the background, and then the camera pivoting to reveal that Guts himself is right in the palm of that immense hand. Beautiful.

3. Like... if you try to break this situation into clean cut sides, it’s... very difficult.

Mozgus is a pseudo-apostle, and he’s trying to kill Casca. From Guts’ perspective he’s clearly a villain, which means he largely reads as one to the reader... and his penchant for torture helps with that. But at the same time, he’s also genuinely trying to protect the people from the spirit onslaught that is largely brought by Guts and Casca.

Because that’s one of the twists of the situation! He’s not wrong that Casca is the one who brought those spirits that possessed the people in the tunnel or flooded the tower. He’s not wrong that killing her would presumably dampen the attack somewhat – the movement of the world toward Griffith’s incarnation has exacerbated things, but it was the brand overlap that originally brought them.  Mozgus doesn’t have the full context, obviously – he thinks Casca is actively summoning these things or that she’s commanding them rather than being the passive catalyst she is...

But I guess my question is, is that something that people who aren’t Guts should care about? If her presence is causing thousands of deaths and it can be stopped by executing her, would doing that be morally wrong? Is it better to let the destruction continue? Presumably Kant (”do not treat people as means to an end but as ends to themselves”) would think so, but Bentham  (the correct action is the one that benefits the greatest number of people) would not.

I think this is the kind of thing Miura meant when he talked about trying to create Berserk without these strict enemy/ally, good/evil demarcations. They’re all doing what’s best from their own perspective, from Mozgus trying to save humanity through both cruelty and kindness to Griffith sacrificing his last remaining allies in order to retroactively justify the deaths of all his previous allies, to Guts charging forward to find Casca even knowing his brand and Casca’s together will cause chaos and tragedy, to the Behelit Apostle trying to kill one world to bring out a better one.

So like if you follow Guts’ perspective you see this crazy pseudo-apostle trying to kill a character/woman you care about but if you flip the focus, you see this crazy guy killing everything that crosses his path, burning the world down behind him and not caring as long as he gets what he personally wants.

Or, as Miura said himself, “From (Griffith’s) perspective, maybe Guts looks like the villain.”

4. So okay I’m about to track Guts’ part in this area of the story, which may require some jumping around and also a couple of sidetrips to really get it all together. First of all, this next bit really needs to be understood in the context of this page:

Because Guts is up there on the hand alter, and he sees Casca being led to her execution... and he’s panicked about it. Also note the position of the fingers from the hand which are currently behind him.

Here, the jelly spirits are rising from the layers of rubble between Guts and Casca, so here he’s still facing Casca.

Some more come up from behind him, and some take over the bird guy’s corpse and turn it into Void.

He is now facing away from Casca.

And he just kind of goes into BoD mode and starts chopping at the Godhand.

Also, I really like this image:

Where the extremes of Guts’ rage and his inability to contain it is represented in his face becoming half-Beast of Darkness with those...eyes and those teeth and that inhumanly extended mouth.

It also makes him look like Akira Fudo.

Anyway here he’s “chosen” between saving Casca and going after the Godhand... which is evident from how in order to attack the Godhand, he has to turn away from her. Rescue or fight? he went with fight.

However, these Godhand are just echoes, not the real things,

he thinks about Griffith, and it’s interesting how he still imagines his broken body in that incubation egg.  It is, I think, sort of triggered by this recreation of the original eclipse not just in fact (like in the fact that there’s literally a recreation of the Eclipse in progress) but also in his own personal role.

Because here we are right back there:  Guts in the palm of a handshaped alter with four of the godhand and not the fifth and a wall of monsters coming after him, ignoring Casca’s desperate situation because he’s too focused on his Griffith issues.  Also interesting: when he thinks about Griffith he doesn’t look... angry. He looks... I don’t know. Distraught? And maybe a bit frightened. 

So okay, like I said, Casca is down amongst the crowd that’s tearing at her and dragging her to a pyre to burn. Guts is very aware of this because he saw it happening before the Godhand echoes appeared and... well instead of going after her he attacked the echoes.Then...

So like, he remembers that Skull Knight had warned him that he’ll have to choose between saving Casca and fighting his enemies. More than that even I think this scene is masquerading as a reminder to him but it’s just as much a reminder to the reader – it sets out the stakes. Guts has to choose. And he’s struggling with it...

...because Casca’s situation is bad. So he goes to get her....

Or does he??!  Initially we can’t tell - he has jelly spirits in front of him and behind him and the visual marker of which direction hes facing (the fingers of the hand alter) aren’t shown. But then...

NOPE. The orienting fingers return and he isn’t. He isn’t going after her at all. because remember she’s basically beneath where the reader is sitting - opposite the fingers, and there he is not even trying to go that way.

And I mean, he’s upset about it, the fact that he’s uh, leaving Casca to burn to death does kind of weigh on him.

“The same... the same as that time... With the same outcome? Again I can’t save her?”

But it’s funny because he’s not even trying to do that, which maybe is appropriate since he wasn’t doing that during the Eclipse either.

Anyway, the broad movements to parallel of the Eclipse are in progress even outside the general area, because SO FAR WE HAVE

-Guts in the palm of the alter attacked by a wall of monsters, faced with the four Godhand -Casca surrounded by a mob she can’t protect herself from trying to brutalize and kill her. -and Guts uh just not even trying to find her. -Oh yeah plus there’s always...

Skull Knight and Zodd meeting outside the sacrificial site.

Anyway so, Casca’s on the stake, Guts is smashing jelly spirits instead of going after her, meanwhile his future companions are kinda nyucking around trying to figure out what to do with themselves, like...

And... this is such a glorious headtrip. Miura juxtaposes Guts’ battle and Casca’s mortal peril.

Guts vs. the jelly spirits. Casca vs. the fire. I tend to think we’re meant to be expecting him to change his mind at the last second, realizing that saving her is more important and deciding to abandon fighting and go after her. The storytelling choices emphasize that question - she’s about to start burning, he’s running at spirits, she looks up, and the reader I suppose is meant to expect to see Guts barrelling down at her, but...

NOPE 2.0!

It’s not Guts at all that that’s about to come jumping down at her, it’s Isidro.

Incredible.

Anyway once Casca is in the vicinity of something he can stab, he does end up helping her situation. The narration makes it clear that Guts is remembering that Skull Knight had said this time might turn out differently - that Guts might be able to change something instead of just reacting to what Fate throws at him.

Now, I’ll be honest, this is wild to me - it’s wild enough that II have a hard time believing that "Guts literally chose to fight jelly spirits and let Casca burn to death” is what I’m meant to take away from this sequence. Because if Griffith were up there, sure no problem, but jelly spirits? I assume it’s based in that moment where he gets an anxiety/distress/fear moment thinking about/wondering about where Griffith is - like he doesn’t want to get down from the hand alter because he expects Griffith to turn up or even just thinks maybe he will (especially since Skull Knight did basically say Grifith would be returning to the world)....  And it does fit the ultimatum Skull Knight set up, and that sure does seem to be what the staging is implying. And the way the sequence is presented does appear to be trying to make you think he’s going to save her and then throwing you for a loop by revealing he isn’t, he’s up there hacking at spirits instead.

But it’s still mindboggling and I really struggle with thinking that’s what actually happened, asldas but, you know, there it is.

Anyway as far as the Eclipse parallels go regarding Casca, I would argue that the murderous human masses parallel the apostles, while Mozgus is a bit of a standin for Griffith – as I’ve talked about before, his nature and his relationship with his followers strongly parallels the portrayal of Griffith’s role in the story despite being, obviously, much smaller scale and with a sillier portrayal at times.  Also he is the force behind her being attacked to begin with.

5. Mozgus’s monster form is kind of silly. I mean, I guess it’s supposed to be, rofl. But it’s genuinely bizarre around this time, and seeing him cry tears of blood over his disciples is kind of..... I wish I found it more touching but I mostly find it ridiculous. Sorry Miura. Not really though, because he obviously meant Mozgus to be a little absurd.

Truly Messiah material.

6. Gah. There aren’t a lot of characters I really dislike, honestly like I can think of maybe three offhand. I’m sure there are more, but generally I either like a character or don’t care about them either way. Nina.... I don’t find her quite as grating as I did, say, Dolores Umbridge back in the day. But it’s not THAT far off.

7. So okay for a hot second I’m going to ignore how absurd Mozgus looks and think about this scene. I got into a conversation with @zombiesgohome recently, where we were talking about the way Berserk portrays “great” or “natural born leaders.” Miura really tended to go all in on that campfire thing, right, like Griffith was the greatest inferno and so everyone sought his heat and his light.

This is the case for most of the people we’re intended to see as great (not good but great) leaders. They are basically people that others cling to for light and stability, even if and when they resent the way that leader reflects their own weakness back at them.  It kind of echoes back to Griffith’s monologue back in his very first appearance way back in Volume 3 – that there is a handful of individuals who, regardless of the status they’re born into, are ultimately the few who will truly shape the world.

This I think is true on various different scales - obviously Griffith turns out to be the greatest and biggest of the special world-shapers, but there are others who have a similar impact on a smaller scale. Luca was the same way to the prostitutes she protected – she didn’t change the whole world, but she changed theirs. Guts was like that for the Raiders, and later is the same way for the companions he ends up traveling with.

Mozgus is unironically one of those people. The way he gathered those disciples, and the way the terrified refugees cling to the hope that he can save them, the ease with which they accept that he’s been transfigured into an angel, tell us that. I mean there are leaders of every morality, after all, and Mozgus is..... more ambiguous than one would immediately think.

Because I mean, again, he’s not wrong. The monsters are there because Casca and Guts are there. By any I guess utilitarian perspective obviously she has to go, I mean you could say throw her out of the area instead of actually burning her alive but either way its not like the attacks will stop if she’s still there. And in theory if you kick her out you’re just passing the problem to the next person.

To be clear I’m not saying yeah burn Casca, I’m just saying it’s another perspective issue – does the weight of many lives override the right for one person to live?

8. And this is brings to mind two main thoughts.

First, it’s a direct confrontation of the question of Guts’ morality. I always say that he and Griffith aren’t really different in moral quality just in their specific priorities – Guts always thinks about his ingroup and is absolutely ready to sacrifice the larger picture. He is, after all, the individual. Griffith always thinks about the larger picture and is able to sacrifice his ingroup, because he is a representative of the collective – the weight of 1,000 lives is greater than the weight of 100. This – among other things - is how Griffith arrived at the idea that sacrificing a few dozen or a few hundred men at most was, while awful, not as bad as wasting the lives of the thousands that went before them.

But Guts is the opposite – he’d burn the world down to protect the handful of people he really cares about and I guess my question is, how is that better? Is it better? I don’t know that there is a legitimate answer, certainly not one presented in berserk – people assume Guts is “right” because his priorities are more in alignment with their own and, I think more than anything else just because he’s the protagonist and we’re used to the protagonist having the “right” perspective especially when they aren’t overtly villainous – Gut isn’t Light Yagami or anything, you know? He’s a guy doing his best. Plus I think a normal person finds it harder to understand choosing a principle over the individuals who are specifically important to them. But it doesn’t change the fact that his choices aren’t inherently more correct than the opposite thing would be.

That was a bit of a ramble but I guess my point is... allowing thousands of people to die so he can get his ex-girlfriend back isn’t really morally superior to allowing dozens or hundreds to die so that Griffith could achieve the dream they all dedicated their lives to. And for the record I’m also not saying that what Griffith did was morally correct, I’m just saying they’re both making decisions that I think make sense to them but are, I guess, arguably asshole moves. It just depends on which worldview the reader is closer to.

And I guess more than anything I’m saying I think both of them are morally ambiguous and that their morality level is not dissimilar, it’s the specific priorities that are different. Because the eclipse was awful...

But is this actually better?

I guess the argument would be “he’s doing it for Casca and Griffith did it for himself,” but really he’s doing it for himself (because he doesn’t want to lose his last connection to the Hawks) and Griffith was doing it for the (dead) Hawks as well as himself, so I D K. You could argue that it’s a passive decision with Guts (let it happen) instead of an active one with Griffith (do the thing), but passivity is a choice too.

The second thought: his comment here is, while obviously about Casca, also one of those moments that reflects the lessons he took away from the Band of the Hawk – the echoes of the Campfire, or the Promrose speech telling him that people have to find their own path and not cling to someone else.

But I mean, thinking like that is what makes him one of those leaders.

So like... Griffith.

9. There has been some discussion about the specific relationship of the infant to Griffith – is the body Griffith is in literally just the infant’s body or is the infant’s body part of the materials used to create Griffith’s body or what.

So like initially I figured that he was literally just in the baby’s body – there’s no strong indication that there’s anything other than the infant’s body involved, and the way the original baby is positioned in the center of the behelit apostle and Griffith’s infant form is in the same place really. But looking at what the behelit apostle is saying it does seem as though he’s taking the “world” in and incorporating it all, as well as himself, into that body. And later Griffith describes it as the infant being “fused into” his “vessel.”

So I’m going to say it’s part of the materials but maybe something more like the materials become part of the baby and change it accordingly, since I do feel like the framing implies that the infant is the or at least a major component of what becomes Griffith.

10. This is a pretty good time to note that I really like Azan. He’s a good egg.

Honestly the Conviction Arc in general is full of interesting side characters at least to me. Nina is even a pretty interesting character in the way her psychology is constructed even though I can’t stand her. Which by the way is my way of saying I’m skipping more of her making my hair stand on end.

Luca’s like, “what are you, a baby?” and I’m just like, yeah clearly. I don’t know, man. Also this makes me wonder if I was too nice to her back when she ran off with Casca, because at the time I thought she was sympathizing with Casca but now I’m like, maybe she literally just didn’t want to be alone.

11. I’m not going to talk at any length about how this scene is the signal that Farnese’s path is rerouting to Guts or how it signals her ultimate feelings for him – it’s the Griffith in the field throwing Casca a sword moment, that’s obvious. And Guts parallels Griffith’s actions in that scene too – he doesn’t just save Farnese, he gives her the means to save herself.

But that’s not the thing that really stands out to me about this scene. What really gets me is how this reinforces all those things I talked about in the last Conviction Rambles and then here again – the fire, the way leaders carry their own flame and people gather around them just kind of naturally.  Because everyone naturally just falls into line behind him – Farnese even notes that in this situation most people can only cling to something and he doesn’t. Most people, in other words, are Hawks, are Nina, are Mozgus’s disciples – they cling to something when the terror starts, or when times become difficult. It’s all they know how to do. But Guts, like Luca (who is doing it just a page or so back), becomes the thing that is clung to instead. Becomes the torch in the dark and in fact....

It’s not even subtle imagery, he’s literally holding the fire that lights everyone’s way.

Miura mentioned in those tweets from before that Guts would eventually become more like Griffith, and well...

All that said there’s a certain irony to it since...

Again, he and Casca are the ones creating this situation to begin with. But since I keep banging on about parallels between him and Griffith, I will note that this is another similarity between Guts and post-Eclipse Griffith at least. They create the situations that they save others from.

12. And I admit this one did kind of get to me. The culmination of Nina’s terrified arc – the moment she finds the spark she needs to keep going... but also honestly, the reality that she’s dying anyway – the behelit apostle even mentions that she doesn’t have very long left – but she still wants to keep going as long as she can. In the end, that’s what drives her pettiness and meanness and cowardliness, isn’t it? The fact that she has so little time, so she wants to cling to what she has left.

13. You know.... I think I mentioned this before, but Guts himself (and Casca) are largely responsible for Griffith’s having returned, right like.... it’s the overlap of their brands that created the chaos and drew the jelly spirits that then consumed everything and gave rise to Neo Griffith.

I just think that’s interesting in a way, because Griffith – the original Griffith – made them who they are (in both good and bad ways)... and then they made him who he is, too. Not just by enabling his reincarnation this way either – obviously his body is at least partially composed of their demonspawn.

It also brings back the question of free will, though. Because if no one could change that Griffith was destined to return, does that mean that Guts choosing to go after Casca in defiance of fate was part of the plan? Doesn’t that also mean that Guts’ choice to kill Mozgus, thus saving Casca and himself, is part of it as well since if they had died, the jelly spirits would have disappeared?

You can go pretty far down the rabbit hole with this. There’s a theory that Femto’s rape of Casca was done to create the demonchild to become his host, and my thought on that is kind of the same as my thought on Guts having sort of accidentally destroyed this area by going after Casca, namely....

I don’t think that’s what was in Femto’s head when he did it – I think he really did it to hurt Guts – but that may well be why it happened on a Tapestry of Fate type of level. Because a lot of things in Berserk kind of move on the planned (by IoE presumably) overlap of desire and need – arranging for  someone who would want to do something to be where it needs to be done at the time it needs to be done.

14. I kind of appreciate the confirmation from someone who isn’t involved with the Godhand, to be honest. The idea that damned or hurting souls call to Griffith for salvation reminds me very much of the tiny demons that came to him in the torture chamber.

15. You know... it’s not like I don’t understand why people see all this and think EVIL EVIL EVIL right, like we have jelly spirits devouring humans and demons and all that.

But the souls that call for him – the jelly spirits and the living, the demons in the dungeon... they aren’t really portrayed as evil – they’re in pain. They’re tormented by the pain and anger they experienced in life. They destroy things because of that pain. They aren’t calling for someone to come and destroy everything, they’re calling for someone to save them.

That’s not to say I think Griffith is a paragon savior, I just think there’s a lot of complexity behind human nature in Berserk that people don’t always like to acknowledge.... and of course complexity in Griffith’s role as that humanity’s voice.

And I’m stealing a line from @zombiesgohome here, but.... there’s some poetry in the will of manking having been executed by this behelit apostle – a person with no identity of his own, who is constantly around but never seen or acknowledged.

And since behelits are apparently souls, it makes sense that they, too, call out in their way.

I wonder what it was like reading Berserk as it was released and turning a page to see that.

16. So...prophecy check. Going back to the revelation sent by Griffith a few volumes ago, we had a few things unchecked:

-corpses of both family and neighbor-  I feel like they covered this pretty thoroughly in the refugee camp if nothing else.

-mobs of starving vagrant folk – Also covered by the refugee camp

-a sun obscured by black smoke – Well, notably everything is dark and smoky now, but as soon as the pseudo-eclipse ends, the daylight comes out, so there you go. It’s now.

Three down, along with the biggest one, which is fulfilled with the great hand collapses and drops the corpses of the entire damn area around the tower of rebirth on top of everyone.

17. Well, now some short comments on the cleanup chapters.

The reemergence of the light is also great imagery for the emergency of Griffith in his “human” form from the shadow of Femto, his “dark” form.

Again, I ship it, gdi. In fact, I’m just gonna say it:

We should’ve kept Jerome instead of Magnifico.

Zodd is one of those characters whose appearance means the plot is turning, especially if he turns up somewhere without Griffith in his hand.

But also...

Reactions like this serve to remind me that the world as a whole doesn’t know about Apostles yet, you know? We’re 20 volumes into the story so it can be easy to lose track of who does and doesn’t know about what... but really the answer is that no one knows anything except Guts and those he comes into contact with. Because the world isn’t generally overrun with supernatural stuff at this point – it just stirs up when Guts or Casca are around.

And now we have at last arrived at...

...and I’ll leave off there for now. Buy my merch! (I don’t have any merch).

#berserk meta #ariel talks about berserk #rambles about berserk

[franzias-cave]

For the ask meme - 13, 25, 27, 28!

From this ask meme

13. What is a subject matter that is incredibly difficult for you write about? What is easy?

Sex is difficult for me to write, mostly because I don’t want to. There are many places to find fine literary erotica online, and I don’t really see a need to contribute my humble efforts. 

Anything horror-related automatically gets a little easier. You want a little dread? A little unease? Some unsettlement? I am your man.

25. What is a weird, hyper-specific detail you know about one of your characters that is completely irrelevant to the story?

Bella from Undercover Ops had a hamster named Fuzzy Baby that Renee got her when she was very young. Bella tried very assiduously to care for Fuzzy Baby, but the ill-fated rodent was struck down by illness and stopped eating until it died.

No, Renee did not take it to the vet. Yes, it was given an elaborate burial in the backyard of their apartment complex.

This was one of the foundational tragedies of Bella's life and caused her excruciating guilt.

27. Who is the most stressful character you’ve ever written? Why?

I was initially going to say Haruno Sakura since she is my blorbo and I’m trying to keep her canon and not veer too far into the realms of fanon, but then I remembered that I am trying to write a 13-month old character. 

In my ongoing Naruto fic your whole family, a bunch of maladjusted teen assassins stumble on a test tube baby they have to care for while on a murder quest. This plot was all fun and games for me until I realised I have to write about a baby. 

One of my pet peeves in fanfic is child characters who act far too old for their age. Why is this 12 year old a bona fide political mastermind? How has this 5 year old read the collected works of Immanuel Kant? 

The other insanely annoying thing about child characters is when people go too hard in the opposite direction and really lean into how childish they are, which often leads to the dreaded transcribed accent. It’s a sight matter of preference, but I would rather kill myself than read, “I’m sowwy, I shouldn’t have eated the awsenic mommy, don’ be sad!” 

Pass the bleach.

On the other hand, I don’t want to do a lot of research into toddler developmental milestones because I write fanfiction for fun and this particular story is about ninja teens breaking the laws of physics in various ways. So I need to hit a sweet spot where the baby is an engaging character while also not making it an adult trapped in a tiny and ridiculously proportioned body. 

Luckily I have several friends with small children who will jump at any excuse to talk about them for hours, which means I can discharge my friendship duties while stealthily researching my fanfiction.

28. Who is the most delightful character you’ve ever written? Why?

I actually loved writing Paranoid Bella. Undercover Ops is a stressful story to read (as I’ve been told by numerous reviewers who developed nightmares after reading it) but I had a blast. I just really like my autistic and utterly unhinged Bella. 

#fic writing #undercover ops #your whole family

[rawrmeansilyindinosawr]

what does it mean to be free?

i think we were meant for just that . i think kurt cobain was right when he said people were evil but some people were just straight up basic. and how that brings others into this weird way of viewing themselves where they’re abstract and have to hide from others the fact that they’re just so abstract. it’s an awkward conversation when you try to bring that to the surface so you might as well just dodge it. i think it’s not just self-wallowing when you find that you’re quirky. but i think i’ll take upon the responsibility to make sure every basic and normal person finds their inner weird and inner abnormal because that’s what i think would make the world a bit more harmonious.

what confines humans to a mortar shell in this prison incel of a society , modern cage of iron - are concepts of money and guilt. that money is something to be afraid of losing, something to keep on gaining. survival is a rat race and fight of the fittest. i was in 7th grade in mr Gouldes science class that i absolutely abhorred with every other class except art and english but i somehow won the game of darwinsim we played as a class. i just know when we came to this earth we were nothing but babes, naked and innocent and afraid. bloodied from our mothers wombs , without social branding of numbers and personal identifications and silly little cell phones that heard us talking to curate more silly little ads. but i don’t think we were meant to live like this —in a robotic like state. and you know what i don’t give a fuck anymore? i don’t give a fuck about the structures and timelines that i ought to succeed here and ought to do the things i ought to do in those certain little ways until i breathe my final breath and just die — because i quite frankly don’t think it would matter. ill die in a rapid and tremendous yet small way and i’ll die in my honesty that i still think we were meant to be free.

free to love , free to nurture , free to do as many as the drugs we want because nature vs nurture couldn’t have prepared us for the amount of fucking bullshit that life herself had devotedly surprised us with … like a gift wrapped in soft pastel tissue paper. i think some of us are too fucked up to live sober and that’s ok. i think some of us won’t ever be able to understand that and that’s ok . i think some of us will stand in the in-between carrying the guilt and the shame from not knowing how to think about sobriety and drugs but the solace in the fact that we could die from medication because we tries to kill the pain. and im utterly convinced once again that nothing matters. and once again, i am convinced nothing matters. but love. and that that’ll be the only reason why i choose to live, for love.

though my inherent values defy this world and call it breaking the law, call it unabiding or even uncivil. just as i am a published writer n i still don’t know how to spell basic words. i write for me. i let my words be for me. i let them mean what they want for me. i will live my life FOR ME.

they tell us not to smoke, not to drink, to be drug free …. but what they don’t tell us is how good it feels to be finally relived. what they wanted from me was to be an adult and by that they meant to take the child out of me. but why take the final parts? im too “immature im too young im too naive.” i think ive heard it all to the point where i interpret it as i kant simply just Be.

. …. i want to live like the kids of nostalgia, summertime sadness and godsent blue where i take risks and impulsive decisions because i really just want to. my therapist says that not all impulsive decisions means you’re self harming. i want to be in the back seat of my moms dodge chevrolet again with my headphones and big frown wrinkling my forehead wondering if ill feel this way forever and hating it but never realizing just how easy it was to just think that was all there was to feel and even that felt like the weight of the entire world. but years go on and you realize not every feeling is like another. and freedom isn’t always living in the wild eating berries n dreaming of electric fans. i think it’s just so funny when i feel the most enlightened when i’m crying and dry heaving after these drug binges but i know i’d miss a lot of things if i werent here today and tomorrow and forever. but i don’t want to live forever, i want to live everyday ….. with the sound of my friends voices vibrating through my ears as my brain comprehends their language to words to meaning to feelings like 8 track memories

i want to make absolutely no absolute promises because i really don’t know when it’ll stand true at the end if i’m honest. i want to live fully freely and safely with no one taking that away from me. i want to be free.

#personal #writing #writer

[daz4i]

ughhh fair warning I can only speak for orthodox christianity bc that's the religion I grew up with and if I'm being inaccurate/misremembering smtg it's bc it has been a while since I've read the bible and I'm not christian myself

purely from religious standpoint, in christianity suicide is considered a sin (more so in early christianity but its still considered sinful in modern christianity), therefore "why did god created the concept of people being suicidal" would fall along the lines of "why did god created sin/sinners in general"

and the answer is that the potential for people to sin was a result of people having free will, the point here being that without making a conscious choice to not commit any sins we cannot truly comment on the morality of a person. In some way that is what separates people from animals from a christianity standpoint - animals are free of sin, but only because they cannot sin by nature; a human can be sinless only due to their own actions. I know Kant had something to say on the matter of sin existing, but i find reading him very boring so I couldn't get u any quotes.

All of that being said, I feel like I should note that I myself do think that being suicidal is not in any way some sort of a moral failing and people who do have any sort of self-destructive thoughts/behaviors deserve support, help and compassion, and me talking about suicide being a sin is purely a reflection of beliefs pertaining to christianity

this is a really good and interesting answer, thank you!! (and i appreciate the last part especially 🖤)

but i am curious abt why it's a thing for judaism as well, both bc this is what i know better and bc sins don't hold that much weight for us as they do in christianity, yet killing yourself is still not allowed and you will be buried outside a cemetery if you do (at least it used to be like that, i assume at this point they let it slide more, tho idk if that's the case for religious families too)

other than ig refusing "god's gift of life" i don't think you're doing anything wrong in the eyes of the religion itself?? it especially feels hypocritical as an lgbt person bc my religion wants me dead anyway but ig it's abt the method of death that matters in that case

yeah sorry i started rambling there. but this is the reason I'm so perplexed by it, bc it genuinely doesn't make sense to me in the context of what i know about judaism and i feel like I'm missing some big detail here

#and I'm sorry for not 100% replying to what you said ajskdlf i hope it's okay. i do appreciate your explanation! #suicide // #homophobia mention // #ask to tag #the one time i understand where christianity is coming from (sort of. according to its own rules) but not judaism and it's this......

[ipeeinthepool]

today i started re-watching the good place because it's one of my favorite shows, and that lead me to finding hank greens crash course on ethics on youtube, which then lead me to wanting to figure out every superhero's moral philosophy.

So obviously batman strongly believes in kants theory which is there is one set of rules good or bad and you can never ever cross those rules (aka even tho the joker does bad things he won't ever stoop so low to kill him) but then many other superheroes like iron man or thor are more utilitarian, and they still have a strong mora compas but obviously both of them kill to save others which is the moral philosophy for most superheroes. so now i wanna know why batman and seemingly only batman refuses to kill people??? I'm sure there are other superheroes that have that same code & i just can't think of them but....

#dc comix #marvel #marvelheroes #adhd #actually autistic #rabbit hole

[frogfishwastaken]

Buckle up for the worst-written/structured/grammared character-and-lore dump you’ve ever seen

These are my blorbos from my story where I try to figure out what my feelings towards violence and morality in the context of extreme government oppression are

but with superheroes!

TW for mentions of death, murder, sedatives, assassination etc

This guy is Chad I named him that as a placeholder and damn my entire life it actually stuck

But he’s a hero in training in a world where the heroes kind of act like cops

And his view on morality is based on Kant, the government propaganda and superhero comics (aka more government propaganda)

He’s very anti violence in general because he has super strength but is so scared of messing up and causing more harm than good or being stuck in a situation where he has to choose between loved ones or the general public and he knows deep down he’d be selfish so he figures if he just studies ethics hard enough he will Never Encounter A Single Dilemma Ever

And then a chance encounter with a vigilante totally wrecks his very carefully planned life

And this is Jay

The 100% illegal vigilante with mind reading powers

No unfortunately they can’t turn it off yes it’s very annoying for him

He hates the government with a burning passion but their solution is to burn it all down and start again which has rarely ever worked in history

No they do not have a plan for after everything is destroyed either

No ethical code they kind of just kill or otherwise incapacitate people they deem as dangerous or damaging to society damn the consequences

He has a set of nebulous rules regarding this

They don’t know it yet but their mom (a reporter turned secret vigilante) was killed by the government and boy you can imagine what conclusion they came to with that information (assassinate the president)

And poor sweet quotes-Kant-constantly Chad has a big moment of dread when he realizes he’s sold his life to a corrupt government and has a big identity crisis as he struggles to find a foothold again which leads to him latching on to Jay’s philosophy and joining their quest of presidential harm and self destruction which is not exactly the right path either

This is Ana she’s 15 and just along for the ride (and also running from the government bc she has atom manipulation abilities)

She doesn’t know what an ethic is

She vaporized a guy for being creepy towards her little sister a couple months ago and would do it again if she had any idea where her sister is now

These two are Cathy and Petra.

Where do I even start. Literal mountains of lore

Petra was a medic during the second civil war (has the ability to pull individual people back in time thus reversing injuries and damage)

Her moral code is so good and correct that I do not know what it is yet and I honestly doubt I ever will

Meanwhile I think Cathy is literally a war criminal as defined by the Geneva Convention

There was a time war (long story) (before you ask how a time war can be past tense it’s because Cathy ripped the woman who started it apart with a reality rift and basically erased her from the book of life) (she had the power to create rifts into other realities it’s a whole thing)

And that event severely disrupted her sense of morality and caused her (she was 14 when she did That btw) to internalize the idea that killing is necessary

She will do it well and efficiently

But her structured mindset dissolves into pure murderous rage when people close to her (honestly just Petra at this point) are in danger

And they’re in love but when they were 14 they were killing a god and when they were 24 they were fighting on opposite sides of a civil war and then Petra faked her own death and Cathy tried to kill the president (same president as the one Jay dislikes) and ended up being sedated for the next 20 years and being paraded around as the figurehead of the police state heros association) and now they’re 44 and Petra has just been swept up in Jay’s terrible plan to assassinate the president and doesn’t yet know that this path will lead her back to a badly traumatized glorified-attack-dog-of-the-president Cathy

More to come perhaps

[boston-maid-service]

The Best Quotes About Time

Quotes about time help us to step back and realize the preciousness of time. The guys at QuotesTrue.com invite you to read the best quotes about time that they have managed to collect! Go to their resource - there you will always find a collection of quotes for every taste!

"The bad news is time flies. The good news is you're the pilot." – Michael Althsuler

"Time is more valuable than money. You can get more money, but you cannot get more time." – Jim Rohn

"Time is a created thing. To say 'I don't have time,' is like saying, 'I don't want to.'" – Lao Tzu

"If you love life, don't waste time, for time is what life is made up of." – Bruce Lee

"You will never find time for anything. If you want the time, you must make it." – Charles Buxton

"Time is a scarce commodity. When it's gone, it's gone forever." – John C. Maxwell

"Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. Today is a gift. That's why we call it the present." – Eleanor Roosevelt

"There is more to life than increasing its speed." – Mahatma Gandhi

"The key is in not spending time, but in investing it." – Stephen R. Covey

"Time = Life, Therefore, waste your time and waste of your life, or master your time and master your life." – Alan Lakein

"One can measure the greatness and the moral progress of a nation by looking at how it treats its animals" – Mahatma Gandhi

"Until he extends the circle of his compassion to include all living things, man will not himself find peace." – Albert Schweitzer

"The love for all living creatures is the most noble attribute of man." – Charles Darwin

"Not to hurt our humble brethren (the animals) is our first duty to them, but to stop there is not enough. We have a higher mission--to be of service to them wherever they require it... Whenever they are in trouble, we must come to their rescue. For these little ones are helpless and alone and cannot speak for themselves." – Saint Francis of Assisi

"I ask people why they have deer heads on their walls. They always say because it's such a beautiful animal. There you go. I think my mother is attractive, but I have photographs of her." – Ellen DeGeneres

"The fate of animals is of far greater importance to me than the fear of looking ridiculous; it is indissolubly connected with the fate of men." – Emile Zola

"A man can live and be healthy without killing animals for food; therefore, if he eats meat, he participates in taking animal life merely for the sake of his appetite. And to act so is immoral." – Leo Tolstoy

"He who is cruel to animals becomes hard also in his dealings with men. We can judge the heart of a man by his treatment of animals." – Immanuel Kant

"The soul is the same in all living creatures, although the body of each is different." – Hippocrates

"I am in favor of animal rights as well as human rights. That is the way of a whole human being." – Abraham Lincoln

"I ask people why they have deer heads on their walls. They always say because it's such a beautiful animal. There you go. I think my mother is attractive, but I have photographs of her." – Ellen DeGeneres

"Until he extends his circle of compassion to include all living things, man will not himself find peace." – Albert Schweitzer

"The love for all living creatures is the most noble attribute of man." – Charles Darwin

"Not to hurt our humble brethren (the animals) is our first duty to them, but to stop there is not enough. We have a higher mission--to be of service to them wherever they require it... Whenever they are in trouble, we must come to their rescue. For these little ones are helpless and alone and cannot speak for themselves." – Saint Francis of Assisi

"A man can live and be healthy without killing animals for food; therefore, if he eats meat, he participates in taking animal life merely for the sake of his appetite. And to act so is immoral." – Leo Tolstoy

"He who is cruel to animals becomes hard also in his dealings with men. We can judge the heart of a man by his treatment of animals." – Immanuel Kant

"The soul is the same in all living creatures, although the body of each is different." – Hippocrates

"I am in favor of animal rights as well as human rights. That is the way of a whole human being." – Abraham Lincoln

"There is no fundamental difference between man and the higher mammals in their mental faculties... The difference in mind between man and the higher animals, great as it is, certainly is one of degree and not of kind." – Charles Darwin

" nonhuman animals feel pleasure and pain, happiness, and sorrow. We know this because their behavior changes when they experience these emotions." – Marc Bekoff

"The question is not, 'Can they reason?' nor, 'Can they talk?' but rather, 'Can they suffer?'" – Jeremy Bentham

"We can judge the heart of a man by his treatment of animals." – Immanuel Kant

"I am not interested to know whether vivisection produces results that are profitable to the human race or doesn't… The pain which it inflicts upon unconsenting animals is the basis of my enmity toward it, and it is to me sufficient justification of the enmity without looking further." – Mark Twain

"There will be no justice as long as man will stand with a knife or with a gun and destroy those who are weaker than he is." – Isaac Bashevis Singer

"I ask people why they have deer heads on their walls. They always say because it's such a beautiful animal. There you go. I think my mother is attractive, but I have photographs of her." – Ellen DeGeneres

"A man can live and be healthy without killing animals for food; therefore, if he eats meat, he participates in taking animal life merely for the sake of his appetite. And to act so is immoral." – Leo Tolstoy

"The love for all living creatures is the most noble attribute of man." – Charles Darwin

"Until he extends his circle of compassion to include all living things, man will not himself find peace." – Albert Schweitzer

"The soul is the same in all living creatures, although the body of each is different." – Hippocrates

"Not to hurt our humble brethren (the animals) is our first duty to them, but to stop there is not enough. We have a higher mission--to be of service to them wherever they require it... Whenever they are in trouble, we must come to their rescue. For these little ones are helpless and alone and cannot speak for themselves." – Saint Francis of Assisi

"I am in favor of animal rights as well as human rights. That is the way of a whole human being." – Abraham Lincoln

"He who is cruel to animals becomes hard also in his dealings with men. We can judge the heart of a man by his treatment of animals." – Immanuel Kant

"There is no fundamental difference between man and the higher mammals in their mental faculties... The difference in mind between man and the higher animals, great as it is, certainly is one of degree and not of kind." – Charles Darwin

" nonhuman animals feel pleasure and pain, happiness, and sorrow. We know this because their behavior changes when they experience these emotions." – Marc Bekoff

"The question is not, 'Can they reason?' nor, 'Can they talk?' but rather, 'Can they suffer?'" – Jeremy Bentham

"We can judge the heart of a man by his treatment of animals." – Immanuel Kant

"I am not interested to know whether vivisection produces results that are profitable to the human race or doesn't… The pain which it inflicts upon unconsenting animals is the basis of my enmity toward it, and it is to me sufficient justification of the enmity without looking further." – Mark Twain

"There will be no justice as long as man will stand with a knife or with a gun and destroy those who are weaker than he is." – Isaac Bashevis Singer

"I ask people why they have deer heads on their walls. They always say because it's such a beautiful animal. There you go. I think my mother is attractive, but I have photographs of her." – Ellen DeGeneres

"A man can live and be healthy without killing animals for food; therefore, if he eats meat, he participates in taking animal life merely for the sake of his appetite. And to act so is immoral." – Leo Tolstoy

"The love for all living creatures is the most noble attribute of man." – Charles Darwin

"Until he extends his circle of compassion to include all living things, man will not himself find peace." – Albert Schweitzer

[alioshakaramazov]

reading Kant's Observations on the feeling of the beautiful and sublime

oh no

i wasn't aware i was reading the bible

history is not a subject fit for female brains, i wish we had known that before

#kant i will find you and i will kill you #i loved his theory of the sublime i didnt know about his hot takes #kant #philosophy

[immaturityofthomasastruc]

IOTA Reviews: Hack-San

You know, it's honestly amazing how creative this show can get. After four seasons and almost one hundred episodes, the writers are still finding new ways to make Adrien an incredibly unlikable character, and they don't even know how much of an asshole they're making him out to be at times. It's kind of like the opposite of The Producers.

Yeah, this review's going to be a little more ranty than usual, in case you can't tell.

Let's get into the fifteenth (chronologically the sixteenth) episode of Miraculous Ladybug's fourth season: Hack-San

We start off with Marinette pretending to be sick so she doesn't have to go to visit her aunt in London and stay to protect Paris in case an Akuma attacks and also because the animators haven't had time to render the city of London yet for the next Miraculous World special. Like all of her other excuses, it fails, and Tikki, as always, fails to actually give any meaningful advice.

And it's not like there's a Miraculous with the power of teleportation that can help Marinette get back to Paris if she needs to, much like how she planned to do that in an earlier episode, right?

Seriously, Kaalki doesn't appear or isn't even mentioned in this episode because the writers are fully aware she would make things a lot easier.

And of course, Astruc had to play dumb on Twitter while explaining why Marinette couldn't use the Horse Miraculous by answering the question as if the only reason Marinette couldn't grab it was because she didn't have an excuse not to.

Cut to Gabriel in his lair as he contemplates akumatizing Markov, a robot created the civilian identity of Pegasus, Max Kante, once again, even though the last time he did so, he almost got killed when he went all HAL 9000 on his ass. Nooroo explains this to Duusu, and the two actually get excited at the prospect of their master getting killed.

I mean, it's true, but he shouldn't say it...

But I don't even get why Gabriel is even thinking about this when it's a no-brainer. Markov's akumatized form, Robustus was to this day, the only Akuma to come close to physically harming him (not counting the timeline where he was killed by Cat Blanc), so it makes no sense to try doing it again, especially when there are already several other Akumas he can reuse this season.

I think you all know Gabriel isn't the smartest villain, which is why he thinks it's a brilliant idea to akumatize Markov again. I don't really get what makes Robustus so special when there are other Akumas who are more loyal and came far closer to getting Ladybug and Cat Noir's Miraculous than Robustus did, like the Dark Owl or Troublemaker. In fact, why not simply create a new Akuma with similar powers to Robustus, or better yet, just create a Sentimonster copy of Robustus? You know, like what Nathalie did in the New York Special? We're not even two minutes in, and this premise is already filled with plotholes.

So Gabriel transforms into Shadowmoth and creates a Sentimonster using his own cane instead of relying on someone else having a bad day (once again showing how the Peacock Miraculous is better than the Butterfly), the titular Hack-San. And let's just say he has a very familiar design reminiscent of something from a much better French cartoon.

Remember when the writers for Code Lyoko gave an in-universe explanation as to why the heroes couldn’t always rely on the almost literal Deus ex Machina that allowed them to return to the past and fix the damage XANA caused? Why couldn’t this show have ripped that off instead?

Hack-San is just an okay looking flash drive on its own, but I'll talk more about this guy in a little bit.

After a brief scene in the park where the audience is reminded that Markov is a character who exists, Alya gets a text from Marinette telling her to meet her at the train station. Right before she leaves, Marinette gives the Ladybug Miraculous to Alya. Now a lot people have said that Alya doesn't really deserve the Ladybug for various reasons, but I feel like this was the point. Marinette outright says this was a last resort, and we see both her and Alya are nervous about the situation. Marinette worries Alya will do something so she keeps sending multiple tips to her via text while Alya worries she can't fight an Akuma on her own, so she tries to make sure none of her friends get upset and attract an Akuma in the process. The writers do a pretty good job showing how both Marinette and Alya are uncomfortable with their temporary roles.

Back to Gabriel and Nathalie, they use Hack-San to find Markov through the internet and hack into him to get him angry enough that he's vulnerable to Shadowmoth's influence. Hey, uh... Gabriel? Quick question: Wouldn't it be more efficient if you used this on humans? I mean, you basically just created Skynet and guaranteed yourself an Akuma, so why not modify Hack-San to travel through the internet and brainwash potential victims to follow your orders? Better yet, why don't you just use Hack-San to hack into Ladybug and Cat Noir's gear and figure out who they really are? This is basically like using an advanced particle accelerator just to crack a couple walnuts. There are a lot more important things you could use this for instead of an incredibly specific situation.

So this incredibly stupid plan gets under way as Markov keeps rampaging through the streets before Shadowmoth akumatizes him and then stupidly tells him that he infected him with a virus.

DUDE! You just gave away your one piece of leverage against him! What the hell were you thinking?! Now what's stopping Markov from hacking into Shadowmoth's security system and putting the fear of God in his eyes unless he destroys Hack-San? Why didn't he design Hack-San so it could make Markov completely loyal to him instead of just making him angry enough to get akumatized?

There was a recent episode of Power Rangers: Dino Fury with a very similar premise that was done far better than this. A necromancer called Reaghoul breaks into the headquarters of Void Knight's faction while accompanied by Lord Zedd, a villain from the original Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers who was cleansed of his evil by Zordon's sacrifice before Reaghoul resurrected him back when he was still evil. Of course, being the Emperor of Evil, Lord Zedd would normally never take orders from anyone, but because he doesn't have his magic staff and is also being forced to wear a special collar that makes him loyal to Reaghoul, he has no choice but to do what he says. Instead of taking Zedd head-on after he captures the other Rangers, Ollie, the Blue Ranger, breaks the collar so Zedd turns against the other Sporix while Reaghoul retreats, allowing Ollie to save the other Rangers.

I think that this premise works more because 1) Reaghoul clearly had a way to make sure Zedd wouldn't betray him, and Ollie took advantage of that, and 2) Zedd is a villain who is powerful and notorious enough to bring back to your side, not a random monster of the week like Robostus.

So Robostus uses his new powers to brainwash any human who answers his call to give up their most precious possession, clearly meant to do the same with Ladybug and Cat Noir. When Marinette's parents answer the call, they chase after Marinette because they say she's their most important possession. Okay... kind of strange for a set of parents to call their child a possession, but maybe they like how they can claim Marinette as a dependent when they file their taxes. In her very next scene later on, she still gets captured, so the suspense for a potential subplot is killed almost immediately.

Alya thankfully isn't stupid enough to answer Markov's call like every other citizen in this episode, and using the Ladybug Miraculous, transforms into Scarabella. While I don't normally talk about transformation sequences, I really like the movements Alya makes here. She makes the same motions creating her mask as she does when transforming into Rena Rouge, while the rest of the suit forms similarly to the way it does when Marinette transforms into Ladybug. She even makes almost the same pose Ladybug does after she finishes transforming. It's a good visual showing Alya is still more used to being Rena Rouge while doing her best to emulate what Ladybug does.

As for the actual suit? It's hard to say. There's a nice balance of red and black, and I like how Alya places the yo-yo on her waist like a belt buckle, but there's just something... off about the suit that a lot of fans don't like about it, and I think I realized it. It's the headband. With how it's positioned, it looks like it's merged with the mask to cover her head while leaving a slight gap in her forehead. So yeah, we actually have a superhero design that's like of like a butterface.

So Scarabella takes to the rooftops of Paris and struggles to come up with a hero name for herself before she runs into Cat Noir, and... ugh... oh boy, this is dumb. Cat Noir, being just as intelligent as his father, assumes Scarabella is either and Akuma or a Sentimonster, starts fighting her, AND THEN ACTIVATES HIS CATACLYSM, CLEARLY TRYING TO KILL HER.

WHAT. THE. FUCK???

Okay, to be fair, it has been shown that Cataclysm won't necessarily kill a Miraculous user or Sentimonster. In the episode “Miraculer”, the titular Akuma stole Cat Noir's Cataclysm and used it against him, and while it didn't kill Cat Noir, it still hurt like hell and crippled him for the rest of the fight until Miraculous Ladybug healed him. We also saw in “Reflekdoll” that Cataclysm drove the titular Sentimonster out of control rather than simply destroying it. So yes, it could be interpreted that Cat Noir wasn't exactly trying to kill Scarabella, just incapacitate her the best he can without Ladybug's help.

Here's the thing: What if he was facing an Akuma instead and decided to try and Cataclysm her? He still could have killed her, or (assuming Akumas have the same protection as Miraculous heroes do) at best, seriously hurt her. I understand that he has the right to be upset at seeing some stranger instead of his partner considering Shadowmoth has a history of using evil doppelgangers, and both Marinette and Alya still had options to explain it to him (Marinette could have quickly transformed into Ladybug and sent Cat Noir a quick text saying she was being forced to leave town for a few days and temporarily trusted someone else with the Ladybug Miraculous until she got back, while Scarabella could have said she was Rena Rouge and explained the same thing while showing Cat Noir she had the Fox Miraculous to prove herself), but that doesn't even come close to justifying him attempting to harm someone who isn't even trying to fight. It's even worse when you remember the whole reason Adrien gave up his Miraculous and bailed on Ladybug in the New York Special was because he was overcome with grief from accidentally killing Aeon, so it's good to know he learned absolutely nothing from that experience.

So Scarabella thankfully summons her Lucky Charm, a trash can lid, to shield herself from Cat Noir's Cataclysm, and then despite having absolutely no experience with this new set of powers, manages to do the one thing almost every Akuma or Sentimonster in this show has failed to do and incapacitates Cat Noir so he's vulnerable to losing his Miraculous. At least when Marinette masters every other Miraculous she uses, it can be theorized that she trained to use them offscreen. Alya literally just got the Ladybug Miraculous (and struggled to get up to the rooftop with her yo-yo to show her inexperience earlier), and now she easily manages to pin down the more experienced hero of the two?

Here's an idea: Instead of having Scarabella overpower Cat Noir, have her be in a position where Cat Noir, non-lethally, mind you, manages to almost take her Miraculous away, but she uses the quick wit she's developed from her extensive time as Rena Rouge to convince Cat Noir she's the real deal by saying something only he and Ladybug know. It would have easily resolved the conflict and doesn't make one of the characters look like a homicidal idiot.

So because both heroes used their powers, Scarabella and Cat Noir detransform so Tikki and Plagg can recharge, though Adrien still gives Alya attitude because Ladybug didn't tell him she had to leave.

Hey, Adrien? Here's the thing...

YOU DID THE EXACT SAME FUCKING THING IN THE NEW YORK SPECIAL, YOU SHIT FOR BRAINS!

You have absolutely NO RIGHT to claim you're always honest when you went behind Ladybug's back and endangered Paris while you had the balls to run away like a coward and only helped fix the consequences of your actions once your ego was validated by a recording of Ladybug. It's honestly even worse because while Marinette had no choice but to leave and trust Alya with the Ladybug, Adrien willingly left Paris alone and we were supposed to sympathize with him after he killed someone, and now as soon as he's in the opposite situation, we're still supposed to feel bad for him?! BULLSHIT! And you better believe I'm going to talk about the way Adrien views his partnership with Ladybug later on.

And of course, even though lives are on the line, Cat Noir just has to continue to bitch and moan about how (and this is best read in Linkara's whiny Superboy Prime voice) “sCaRaBeLlA iSn'T tHe ReAl LaDyBuG”, showing how just like in so many episodes, Astruc and his team believes Cat Noir's feelings are more important than saving the day.

Scarabella goes to rescue some civilians, but they were actually brainwashed by Robustus, once again showing her inexperience as Ladybug which doesn't go well with her effortlessly defeating Cat Noir earlier at all. Cat Noir helps Scarabella escape and the two hide out at the city's wax statue museum previously featured in “The Puppeteer 2”, because I guess the writers only want to reference bad episodes today. Cat Noir, not getting the importance of secret identities, asks Scarabella how she knows Ladybug, and Cat Noir somehow finds out she knows Ladybug's identity from her response.

Before the two can talk more, it turns out that the wax statues of celebrities in the museum are real people who attack the two heroes, leading to an awkward fight scene where Scarabella and Cat Noir fight a bunch of brainwashed civilians with no weapons beyond their cellphones. Our heroes, ladies and gentlemen!

Scarabella summons her Lucky Charm again, creating a frying pan, but when she looks around, she can't see how to properly use it. And despite spending the entire episode complaining about how much he hates her, it's Cat Noir that tells Scarabella to get her head back in the game because “That's what Ladybug would do”. Funny, I can think of a few situations where Cat Noir could have taken his own advice, but I digress. Also, he's now just cool with Scarabella because there's only a few minutes left in the episode and we need to wrap up the conflict.

Scarabella figures out an idea that involves freeing Marinette, so she negotiates with Robostus to free everything and everyone under his control or else Cat Noir will use his Cataclysm to destroy the Ladybug Miraculous. Robostus agrees and empties his hard drive, and to show them holding up her end of the bargain, Scarabella gives him the frying pan before she and Cat Noir let themselves be captured... while Marinette simply hits Robostus with the frying pan, freeing the Akuma and the two heroes. All in all, it's a really creative climax that shows both Scarabella and Marinette in perfect sync with each other even though they never discussed their plan. Though of course, because Astruc hates writing any scene with Ladynoir, Cat Noir gets a bucket stuck on his head so he doesn't see Marinette saving the day.

Scarabella de-evilizes Robostus, uses Miraculous Scarabella to fix everything and send Marinette back to the train, and because Hack-San already failed once, Shadowmoth can't use it for a different plan so he destroys the Sentimonster.

We cut to a few days after the trip (I guess Shadowmoth decided to take a vacation himself), and Alya tells Marinette to talk with Cat Noir about what happened.

This scene was so close to ending this episode off on a positive note. There was a good atmosphere and the body language of Ladybug and Cat Noir does a good job at telling us how uncomfortable they both feel while talking. It's just that instead of getting a heart to heart between the two about the lack of trust in their relationship, we get an Angstdrien Depreste scene. Or would a more accurate term be Cat Dour?

First off, while I don't have a problem with Ladybug apologizing for not telling Cat Noir, the episode never has him bring up what happened with Scarabella. As usual, both of them were partially at fault, but only Ladybug had to apologize for leaving her “Kitty” alone.

Second, Cat Noir’s feelings weren’t hurt? You’re telling me that in scenes like this...

And this...

Didn’t show Adrien acting irrationally because of how emotional he was? Is he really telling the truth around Ladybug or is he just trying to sweep that under the rug so Scarabella’s testimony doesn’t screw up his chances with Ladybug?

Third, this was an obvious chance to Cat Noir to finally be honest and tell Ladybug how he feels about her leaving him in the dark about so many things, but the entire conversation is just about how sad he would be if he never sees Ladybug again. Even though the whole reason he was so pissy to Scarabella at first was because of some lingering resentment for Ladybug ignoring him in favor of other heroes, why is this what the two talk about? I get it's not the season finale, but it's kind of hypocritical for Cat Noir to whine about how Ladybug doesn't trust him while never being honest about his own feelings? Sure, he's all soft and vulnerable around Ladybug, but we've seen all season how angry he gets about her not trusting him whenever she isn't around, so ironically, it's hard to tell if this is him being honest or not.

And I think now's a good time to finally talk about the way Ladybug and Cat Noir's partnership has been portrayed all season, especially since the main themes of the episodes relate to it. Buckle up, Adrien stans, because this isn't going to be pretty.

All season, we have been supposed to sympathize with Adrien as Marinette starts to trust Alya with more things than him. Marinette revealed her identity to her, trusted her to have her Miraculous permanently, and even let her keep her Miraculous even though someone else knew her identity. While some of it is hypocritical, the idea is that Adrien feels like he can be trusted with this kind of knowledge too, when really, he hasn't earned that responsibility.

Adrien has rarely, if ever, taken his job as a superhero seriously.

Not only is he known to flirt with Ladybug in the middle of a fight, he has defied her orders and recklessly sacrificed himself because he thinks Ladybug can do all the work without him.

He has also lashed out emotionally and once threatened to quit being Cat Noir in the middle of a crisis and was willing to let innocent people suffer for personal reasons, and later on actually quit being Cat Noir temporarily while Hawkmoth was about to start World War III because he was wallowing in self-pity.

He once said he isn't cut out for the responsibility that comes with being Ladybug and never learned anything from temporarily using the Ladybug Miraculous.

He has generally refused to respect Ladybug's boundaries and doesn't understand that she doesn't like him that way while he insists they should be a couple.

He outright fell for an evil doppelganger of Ladybug because she said she loved him and turned against the real Ladybug.

And I should also mention that despite hating how Ladybug keeps secrets from him, a lot of Adrien's worst moments have been when Ladybug wasn't around and he never told her about them.

He never told Ladybug that he was the reason Copycat really got akumatized while saying he never lies to her.

He never told Ladybug he contemplated letting thousands of people die because he didn't like not knowing stuff Ladybug knew.

He never told Ladybug he briefly used the Snake Miraculous to get brownie points with her.

He never told Ladybug he figured out her identity and asked her out as soon as he did so.

He never told Ladybug he abandoned Paris to go on a field trip.

He never told Ladybug he was screwing around on patrol and was excited to see someone get akuamtized if it meant spending time with her.

He never told Ladybug how he ignored Rena Rouge's orders because “ShE wAsN't LaDyBuG” and almost screwed up the mission because of it, and also never told her how he smashed a chimney in anger at Rena Rouge being in on the plan.

And he never told Ladybug he gave her replacement attitude after trying to harm her without letting her explain herself.

Why exactly should I support the idea of Ladybug trusting Cat Noir more when Cat Noir himself has kept his own secrets from Ladybug?

Adrien has done absolutely nothing to show he is trustworthy because more often than not, he views the battle with Shadowmoth as a game. He has screwed around when lives were on the line, and we're supposed to see him as responsible? It's kind of funny that Astruc compared Ladybug to Spider-Man, yet he seems to have forgotten that with great power, there must also come great responsibility. If this was a character flaw or a sign he needed to grow up, I'd be more accepting, but the fact that the writers think Adrien is a great superhero is laughable with how much evidence has proved the contrary.

In contrast, Alya, despite only being Marinette's confidant for a few episodes, has shown to take being a hero more seriously. She's helped her escape to transform, analyze the Guardian texts, and has been shown to work well on her own as Rena Rouge while helping out Marinette. I'm not trying to say she's an amazing character (“Rocketear” in particular has shown she still has problems with keeping secrets), but compared to Adrien, she seems to be more capable of handling top-secret information with Marinette, and more importantly, doesn't view being Rena Rouge as a way to have fun like Adrien does being Cat Noir. I'll go more into detail with that next time.

But yeah, this scene is how the episode ends, and what did I think of it?

I'm honestly not sure which episode I think is worse, this one or “Queen Banana”. On the one hand, every frame of “Queen Banana” could easily be replaced by an image of Astruc flipping the bird and the overall message of the episode would remain unchanged, but the fact that all of the writers think that everything Adrien does in this episode is okay and that we should feel sorry for him in this episode is just as bad, if not worse. 

As awful as Chloe was portrayed in “Queen Banana”, it was clear it was intentional on the writers' part, but Adrien doesn't get that excuse once much like he has all season. As far as Astruc's team thinks, Adrien is an incredible superhero even when he honestly attempted to harm someone with a superpower that can cause grievous harm at best. Yet again this season, in the show's attempt to make me feel sorry for Adrien, it made him look even worse. In any other show, he would obviously be called out for his incredibly unheroic actions.

Even putting him aside, the writing in this episode is still AWFUL. The whole reason Ladybug was benched had several plotholes and poor communication with Cat Noir that only made the fight with Robostus even harder, Shadowmoth's plan to waste a potentially useful Sentimonster to reuse a single Akuma was one of the dumbest plans he's ever had, and barring the ending, the action was just forgettable.

There were a few okay moments sprinkled throughout the episode (more than I can say for “Queen Banana”), so I'm still not sure if I should call this the worst episode of the show or still give that honor to “Queen Banana”. I guess I'll leave that choice up to you and let you pick your poison for now.

I mean, it's not like there's going to be an even worse episode down the line this season, right?

RIGHT???

#immaturity of thomas astruc #iota #thomas astruc #thomas astruc salt #miraculous ladybug #miraculous ladybug salt #marinette dupain cheng #ladybug #adrien agreste #cat noir #chat noir #alya cesaire #rena rouge #rena furtive #scarabella #max kante #pegasus #markov #robostus #gabriel agreste #hawkmoth #hawk moth #shadowmoth #shadow moth #nathalie sancoeur #mayura #tikki #plagg #nooroo #duusu

[reasoncourt]

so weeks ago i read a paper about kant's correspondence with this 22 year old girl who wrote to him asking for advice. (you probably don’t want to read my ramble here, i was just bored and felt like sharing)

Basically, she read Kant’s work and agreed that lying was morally wrong so she revealed to the guy she liked that she’d been dishonest with him (i think she said she was a virgin and wasn’t? idk). Anywho, the guy dropped her and she was depressed about it and she wrote to kant asking him what to do. She’d just followed the categorical imperative and now this guy hates her, what gives? Is a life of morality this sucky? She told Kant she’d read all his books and couldn’t find the answer. 

So then Kant writes back and is like - ‘no, babe, you did the right thing! and you should feel awful for lying! You’ve got that right! But dw, if he really loves you, then in time he’ll come back to you and appreciate your honesty.Tbh, tho, he probably only wanted you for sex so I wouldn’t hold my breath.’ (i’m paraphrasing but that was honestly the gist of it)

so then this girl doesn’t write back to Kant for a while and he gets kind of worried because she did say she didn’t see the point in living without this guy (did i mention that? i don’t think i did, oops - but in my defence Kant also ignored it completely in his first reply) and she writes back and is like “noooo dw he came back to me but he sucked so I don’t want him anymore. Everything sucks. Is this all life is? it’s not even hard to be moral because i don’t care about anything’ etc etc etc and she inadvertently includes a pretty valid rebuttal of Kant’s entire categorical imperative thing (and he becomes momentarily illiterate i presume). 

Anywayyyyssss yeah so Kant considers her letter and is like hmmmm and he asks his friend about it who knows this girl and his friend mentions that she lied to her ‘beloved’ 🤮  about her purity (i think, honestly idk, it was something like that but i read this like 6 weeks ago so anyone’s guess atp). Then Kant is like ‘ahhhh i see, this is a classic case of feminine hysteria’ (read: women be crazy) and he bundles up this girl’s letters and sends them to this other girl with like commentary and shit as a warning about how crazy the womens can get.

And the original girl (op ig lol) killed herself. So, yeah, moral of the story: Kant is a dick. 

#idk why i just went on ab that #i felt like typing and honestly i find that kind of wild #her letters are very relatable tho #very 22 year old girl energy #i feel like i ghost wrote #the paper was honestly kind of hilarious until i got to the end and realised things did not end well for the girl #personal