#know that my old program decided to stop working!!! so i had to experiment with a new one

[hauntedestheart]

A Business Proposition (Male Bodyswap)

This is loosely inspired by the premise of the Netflix film Perfect Date (2019)... very loosely, with a tf twist.

Peter Turner loved people- he went to college for it, he often joked.

Unfortunately getting a job in the field of anthropology without a masters degree was damn near impossible, and the only thing more impossible was finding a way to get the money to fund graduate school.

His bachelor's degree had landed him a lofty position at Starbucks, and while the employee discount was nice, it barely paid the bills. Peter had to look into alternate revenue streams to supplement his income, and he decided to play to his strengths: his looks.

Back in high school he'd run a silly "perfect date" program where, for a price, he'd spend an evening offering the illusion of romance to a girl. He'd be a pretty face to listen to them talk and compliment them– all perfectly innocent fun, and he loved to make people happy so it worked out well for everyone.

Kickstarting the business back up as a 24 year old college grad was... a bit different. It had been one thing when he was a teenager holding hands with a classmate, but adults had different expectations and while he was clear he was NOT a prostitute, if he had to spend one more afternoon pretending to be a side piece to make an ex-husband jealous, he was going to give up on his dreams entirely.

Recently some sudden unexpected expenses had arisen and put him in a tight spot so Peter was desperate, desperate enough to consider taking up some of the more dubious offers he'd received because the money might be too good to pass up.

That’s probably why he didn’t get up immediately when a guy plunked down in the seat across from him.

“Kim?” Peter asked, eyeing the boy sitting across from him. He was a gangly looking Asian fellow, probably around Peter's age, who looked like he didn't get out much if his rumpled clothes and shaggy hair were any indication. His pale skin highlighted the dark bags sagging beneath his eyes, which despite the rest of his appearance were bright and alert.

He was decidedly not the girl Peter had been booked to see.

“Yeah that’s me." The boy flashed him a sunny smile, as if nothing was wrong. “Thanks for showing up, I saw your posting and knew that you would be perfect.”

“Sorry, I don’t do dates with dudes.” Peter said, crossing his arms in the way he knew made him look vaguely intimidating. “Pretty sure that it said that in the description.”

Kim chuckled. “Don’t worry, I’m not hitting on you. I’m just here with a business proposition.”

“A what?” Peter was confused. He shook his head. “I’m not interested in pyramid schemes man.”

“No, I assure you it’s relevant to your business,” Kim leaned forwards and smiled wolfishly at Peter. "You run a dating service, right? I'm about to revolutionize your business model. What if I told you that, through clever allocation of your resources, you could outsource your labor while offering clients a one-of-a-kind personalized experience? And all it'll take for you to get there is to sit here and listen to my pitch."

Peter wasn't an idiot, he had a college degree, which is why he was certain that that had not been an acceptable answer.

"Look," he tried again. "I promise this is not me being homophobic but like I said, I don't do dates with other men."

“You misunderstand," Kim said blithely. "I don’t want to go on a date with you. I want to go on a date as you.”

The young man paused as if this were some sort of mind blowing revelation but Peter just stared at him for a few seconds, dumbfounded, then rose to his feet.

“Yeah, sorry dude, whatever it is you’re after I don’t think I’m gonna be able to help you,” he said, then he turned to walk away.

“Wait!” Kim shouted after him, and something in his voice made Peter stop. The other guy sounded… genuine. Peter turned back to face the guy, and was surprised by the serious look on his face. “I know that this is very weird but I wasn’t sure how to ease us into this topic and clearly a cheesy line was the wrong approach. But you’re gonna wanna hear this, I promise I'm not wasting your time. I think we can help each other out.”

When he saw that Peter wasn't moving, he cleared his throat and continued. "Just hear what I have to say and even if you think it's a load of crap, I'll give you a thousand bucks. Sound good?"

Peter sighed. "Okay, fine. What is it?"

The other boy glanced around, almost nervously, and then gestured behind himself.

"Not here, we need to go somewhere private," Kim whispered, his previous confidence gone. "Are you comfortable going to one of the conference rooms? I'm not gonna do anything crazy, I promise."

Peter took a moment to mull over his options. On the one hand, going off with a stranger to an enclosed location seemed like a very bad idea but on the other hand, he was probably four inches taller than Kim and Peter could probably bench press the boy so he didn't feel very threatened. What he did feel, however, was curious.

"Lead the way."

Kim, it turned out, was Kim Shinwei, an eccentric young tech millionaire who had made his fortune developing a range of programs and technologies that included the very service Peter had used to build his own app. But his real passion was a secret, experimental project he'd been working on for a few years.

"You're joking, right?" Peter asked incredulously. He waved at the air. "Is this a hidden camera show or something?"

Kim seemed less than impressed. "I'm dead serious."

"A body swapping machine?" Peter scoffed. "You expect me to believe that?"

Kim's eyebrow quirked up. "You think I can't do it?"

"I think it's impossible," Peter said flatly.

"Nothing's impossible if you really put your mind to it." Kim paused. "Plus have the funding, the time, an extensive knowledge of the relevant, fields, and so on and so forth. But I wouldn't be talking to you if I hadn't already tested it and been 100% certainty that it would function."

Peter was skeptical. "How does it even work?"

"Honestly it's a lot of math and science that would take too long to explain, and I doubt you'd even understand most of it," Kim winced, as if processing his own words. "No offense, it's just really complicated. The point is I have it, it works, and I wanna use it with you."

"Alright, let's say I do believe you," he eyed Kim's skinny frame distastefully. "Why would I want to trade bodies with you?"

"Not permanently, I would like to stress that," Kim hastened to say. "The technology operates off of a neural link modifier that, in my simulated studies, struggles to maintain a connection for longer than about a week. This would be strictly temporary."

Peter crossed his arms. "Doesn't answer the why question."

"And that's an excellent question!" Kim nodded. "I can understand why you'd be confused by the prospect of seeking a new body since you're..." Kim's eyes scanned Peter, lingering for a moment too long on his broad shoulders and toned chest. He licked his lips. "You're quite the physical specimen. I, however, am confident enough to say that I am not. You have something that I want and I'm... willing to pay for it. Even temporarily."

"So you'd pay to switch bodies with me?" Peter clarified, dumbfounded. "Temporarily?"

"Exactly!" Kim exclaimed, misreading Peter's confusion for enthusiasm. "It's perfect."

"So you're suggesting that I let you rent my body?" Peter repeated. "Like it's an Airbnb?"

Kim's brow furrowed. “Dude, you rent out your body to girls all the time.”

“Yeah, but usually I’m still the one in it.” Peter stood up, offended. "I'm not interested."

“I’ll give you $10,000 for 24 hours. That’s all.”

Peter stopped. That was… a lot of money. A whole lot of money that he could very much use.

He sank back down into his chair and sat there for a moment, chewing his lips and mulling over his options. Kim leaned back in his chair, a smug expression on his face.

"And this would all be above the board, right?" Peter asked. He couldn't believe he was actually considering doing this, but the money seemed too good to be true. "You're not gonna try to double cross me or run off with my body or something, right?"

Kim chuckled. "As wonderful as it would be to look like you forever, I have built a life with this body that I'm not keen on giving up."

"And I get to set some of my own terms right?" Peter shifted in his chair uncomfortably. "Because I don't want you to do anything nasty with my body."

"My lawyers have already drafted up a provisional contract," Kim said smoothly, with the practiced confidence of someone who had closed dozens of business deals before. "You're free to have your own legal counsel look over it and propose revisions."

Peter nodded, although he knew that hiring any sort of lawyer would be out of the question given his financial straits.

“Why me though?" he found himself asking.

Kim smirked. “Let’s just say you were the right combination of willing to talk, desperate enough to swap, and hot enough for it to be worth it.”

Peter frowned, but didn't argue with the fair assessment. “Isn’t this just another expression of late stage capitalism where everything, even our bodies, are becoming commodified?”

“Pretty with a brain, I like it,” Kim shrugged nonchalantly. “Yeah probably. But then don’t you want to get in on the ground floor of it?”

Peter's realized that he was out of questions, and his stomach sunk when he realized he had his answer.

"I'll do it," he sighed and rose to his feet, sticking his hand out for a handshake. Kim stood up as well, but paused before he took Peter's hand. A strange expression crossed his face.

“Actually…”

Peter blinked. “What?”

“Before we do this, drop your shorts.” Kim commanded.

Peter did a double take. “What? Why?”

Kim crossed his arms and smiled. “If I’m shelling out this much money I want to see what I’m getting first.”

“Seriously?” Peter asked. Kim’s expression didn’t change, and he glanced down at Peter’s shorts and back up again, quirking one eyebrow. Grimacing, Peter unbuttoned his shorts. He knew what he was packing and had never been ashamed of it, but he also didn’t make a habit of showing it off to strangers. As he let his privacy drop to the floor he prayed that the awkwardness of the situation wouldn’t cause his junk to shrivel up. Every inch counted right now. Kim’s eyes widened when he saw Peter’s manhood, and his mouth practically began to water.

“I’ll throw in an extra thousand.” He finally said, after an uncomfortably long beat of staring. “Congratulations, by the way. You’re… you’re very gifted.”

“Thanks.” Peter mumbled, trying to avoid eye contact. “So the deal’s still on then?”

“Oh the deal is absolutely on.”

“Then can I put my pants back on?”

Kim sighed. “If you must.”

=

Peter and Kim sat across from each other at a table in Kim's kitchen, a small white bead jam packed with electronics anchored to the back of each one's neck, and Kim pressed a button on his phone. (The device was controlled by an app, of course.) There was a jolt and the two young men went blank, then after a moment the two snapped back to attention as if “rebooting.”

“Holy shit it worked…” Peter said, his hand going to his throat when he heard the sound of Kim’s voice rather than his own.

“Oh my god, this is so cool!” Peter’s body shouted, now under the control of Kim. He leaned back into his chair, stretching the length of Peter’s body as he felt the muscles and sinews of his body pulling. It was a far different experience than that of his own body in ways he had never even considered. 

He arched his hips and groaned when he felt his new member pushing into the fabric of his jeans, stretching into what felt like forever. In an instant he was on the feet with his shorts on the floor, freeing his new cock to bob before him in the open air. He gaped like a fish as he stared at his borrowed appendage with awe, and the real Peter yelped in surprise.

“Um, excuse me?” Peter was shocked by the other man’s forwardness. “You’ve been in my body for ten seconds and you’re already hard?”

Kim didn’t say anything in response, he just grinned from ear to ear as he flopped Peter’s increasingly firm erection around.

“Dude, stop acting like an idiot in my body!" Peter's unfamiliar new face flushed red. "It’s a penis, you have one too.”

“Yeah but like, not like this.” Kim exclaimed, popping his hips so his dick bounced as if to emphasize his point. “You’ve had this thing your whole life man so you’re used to it. This is new to me and it’s fucking awesome. How big is this thing, you ever measured it? Doesn’t matter, I can find out later. I’m hung!” He shook his prize.

“No, I’m hung. I’m just letting you borrow it for 24 hours, okay?”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah, sure, right, of course.” Kim said, flexing Peter’s muscles. He giggled slightly as he watched his biceps balloon outwards, bouncing them up and down in turn like softballs. “Damn… you work out?”

“Obviously I work out, people don’t just look like that.” Peter rolled his eyes.

“No, they do not.” Kim mumbled as he stared at his abs, rubbing both hands over them to familiarize himself with the ridges. “They most certainly do not.”

“I can’t believe that this is real…” Peter pressed his hands on either side of his body, twisting side to side to observe himself from all angles. “I haven’t been this skinny since I was in middle school.”

“Middle school?” Kim asked, pausing in his examination of his new body to shoot Peter an amused look. “Nice humble brag.”

"Just saying," Peter shrugged. It was surreal to see his real body from the outside, and even more surreal to see him groping himself like a horny idiot. He watched his face light up as Kim's hands found his ass for the first time, and he wasn't sure if he should be feeling violated or flattered.

"Anyways, we've been over the rules," Peter continued. "No drugs, no alterations to my physical appearance, nothing illegal, and no sex."

Kim winced at that last one. "And you're sure about that?" He palmed at his new crotch and grinned. "Because I'd be willing to pay, I didn't realize it would be this good."

Peter deadpanned, unamused. "Yes I'm certain, and I believe we have a contract.

"Alright, alright," Kim waved his hands in defeat, then an impish grin split his face. "Maybe next time. Anyways, you're free to hang here but I'm heading out– the clock’s ticking and I wanna get my money’s worth.”

Kim bounded out of the room on his new, powerful legs, and Peter sighed behind him. He really hoped that this wasn’t a mistake.

#body swap #bodyswap #male body swap #I know people like a picture with the story but I'm bad at finding those so just use your imagination

[talisidekick]

I need your help...

If you don't know me, hello, I'm Accalia, I go by Tali Sidekick online on Youtube, Instagram, and on the rarest of occasions Twitch. I'm a 29 year old transgender woman from Canada, who came out and began socially and medically transitioning in 2021. I stream largely on Youtube and on the rare occasion I make videos (it's been over a year since I last did that).

I could use your help affording my legal name change. I've been trying to afford it myself but I'm unable to for reasons I'll get into below. The link is in my blog description, but I'll post it here:

Recently, while walking home from work (I don't make enough to afford public transit or my own vehicle or a bicycle) I got attacked by a middle-aged man in a dimly lit residential neighbourhood. I got away, and thankfully I didn't give him enough time to do more than grab me by the arm. However, I had to file a police report, which gave me two options: use my legal name which at current is my deadname (ie. a name I no longer wish to use) which would be distressing to say the least, or submit it anonymously. I chose the latter which unfortunately does little besides let the public know that someone dangerous with a vague description is in their area. I wish I could have put my name on that report but using my legal name as it stands now is ... I can't.

To add to this, I was saving up, but unfortunately the student loans I owe decided to charge me during an appeal process (they weren't supposed to) and when the charge partially bounced they denied my appeal (which isn't supposed to happen under the contract agreement I signed) because of "outstanding payments". The appeal process also only looked at my gross income for one month, specifically the month I got paid 3 times in (it happens only once a year) and decided to combine all three payments into an equal 2 and evaluated my paycheck at around 25/hr when I only make 16/hr and has thus denied me reduced loans payment (I'm working on this but it's adding to my stress). So at current, the $300 I had extra got eaten by the National Student Loans Services Centre (NSLSC) again and from previous experience even though I should be reimbursed once this is cleared up, I won't be.

I would have also had more (remember that extra third paycheck?) but my health insurance stopped covering me because despite being signed up to a provincial pharmacy program they decided I wasn't, and forced me to buy my hormones and ADHD meds out of pocket. They only -just- reinstated coverage, but getting reimbursed will take over a month possibly 2.

As such, I have exactly $48 in savings and $7 in my basic checking account.

I want to get my name changed, I've been trying for over 2 years, and it's been impossible. Every time I have the money to spare, the NSLSC eats it and doesn't give it back, some medical thing comes up, or some unforseen cost rears its head and consumes my meager savings. The cost averages out to about $450 because it requires Finger Printing for a background check, Notary Fees, Processing Fees, and Reprinting Fees for my Birth Certificate, Drivers License, and Marriage License.

And if the $450 goal is exceeded, any excess getsput towards affording the $6000 surgery cost of getting SRS/GRS (Sex Reassignment Surgery/Gender Reassignment Surgery). I have until December next year before my government will no longer cover the cost of the surgery supposedly.

If I can get help here, I really want all my legal doccuments to read "Llorelei Accalia [Lastname]". I'm so tired of having to explain to people that I'm transgender because the name, face, and (somehow) voice don't match.

Currently at:

$50/$450

#trans #transgender #mtf #trans woman #trans fem #trans feminine #lgbt+ #lgbtq+ #lgbtqia+ #2slgbtqia+ #talisidekick #talisidekick things #2slgbtqia #lgbtqia #lgbtq #lgbt #queer #fundraising #financial aid #trans aid

[deadpool15]

My girl

If I had to explain the context of my relationship, it would be complicated. Well, at least to me, it is. You see, when me and my girl and that isn't even my girl met, I was in college. I became an exchange student, and my home school does have this program where they pick a selection of students to go to different countries. I decided to throw my name in the bin to see how well my luck was.

Turns out my luck was pretty fucking good. I was able to get me a one-way ticket to Seoul National University for exactly a year. It was amazing. I got to experience so many new things, and the culture was like a change in scenery for me. But all good things must come to an end, and I started to fall behind on rent. I know what you're thinking, don't you live in a dorm? Well no I didn't, dorms are shit and I wasn't gonna take that chance I managed to find a nice job until some young fucking hideous looking bitch made a complaint about me to my boss. I'm 90% she was just being fucking racist because she kept trying to touch my hair like I was some exotic animal and caught a whole fucking attitude when I didn't allow her too. "Fucking bitch."

So, shit really hit the fan from that point. I was out of money, struggling to find a job, and my grades were starting to look like how I felt. Until I met Sayaka, a much older woman. She was approximately 38 years old at the time, while I was 20. She gave off this vibe of a confident, mature woman and I fucking loved it. She smooth talked me so fast some must say it wasn't fucking pathetic. Had a girl sitting her thinking about her every day and twirling my hair. You would think we were seeing each other after a while or at least that's what I thought.

Sayaka made it clear what she was looking for, and it wasn't a girlfriend. Sugarbaby, I believe, was the correct term. She wanted someone to spoil with gifts and affection but didn't want a relationship. Now, at first I was ok with that, I mean don't judge me I needed the money and she was hot so I was ok with it. Well, until I wasn't. People would openly flirt with her, and as much as she said she was mine, I started to realize how much she wasn't. I mean, we weren't together. She was literally paying me to "have fun" and "being pretty," and I kinda felt used.

Of course, I couldn't be mad at her, I knew what I was getting myself into, but I still had feelings. So, instead of bringing it up to her, I took the last "paycheck," she gave me, and ghosted her. I know what you're thinking, very mature of you, Stella. But the sad truth was I would rather act like she didn't exist than have her tell me she didn't like me at all. She did try to call at first, but then it all stopped I assumed she got tired of chasing after a immature fucking child. I mean, I could understand that, though as much as I understood her, a part of me wanted her to chase me. Make me feel wanted for once.

After a few months with no Sayaka, I fell into a deep state of depression. My best friend, Aubrey, had been trying to get me out of my house for a long time. But I wouldn't listen. Eventually, she randomly showed up to Korea, claiming she was entering some form of competition, meaning she would be here to help me and get my mind off of Sayaka. After a while, I felt better, I realized I had to learn how to love myself and that I was worth more than being someone's little sugarbaby. I mean, I was girlfriend material, and if she couldn't see that, then screw her. I would love to do that. Ok, maybe I wasn't entirely over her, but baby steps. I did want her back, but it was obvious she didn't feel the same, so I started to get myself back out there.

Audrey said it would be good for me. I took her advice and went on several dates, none of which worked out until I met this guy Jake. He was an exchange student from Hong Kong, he was 2 years younger than me though. But besides that, he was great. As great as it gets. The perfect gentleman. I just even kinda started to actually like him. Everything finally felt as if it had fallen into place in my life. I felt good for the first time in a long time. I was sitting at home scrolling through tiktok. I watched a video of some dude doing a mukbang. "Omg, why is this dude always eating like that. Like, do you viewer's wants to see you eat and enjoy the food or die trying. There is no way a mouth is supposed to open like that. Bro is literally not human." I was sitting there watching in disgust when my phone started ringing. Scaring the absolute shit out of me.

"Fuck," I looked at the caller ID and saw Audrey name pop up. That bitch is always scaring me. I pressed the answer and heard her yelling, more specifically Audrey's yelling in the background. "Audrey, ehat have we talked about with the yelling. I'm already hard of hearing thanks to you. Please." She ended hung up and immediately called me back on ft. I answered, "What have I said about hanging up on me like I'm one of you hoes?" I said while laughing. She started laughing again. "Hola, my beautiful bestie friend, ehat are you doing?"Minding my business what do need, Audrey?" She stared at me smiling mischievously. "So since you my bestie, I thought it would be amazing of you to like make us some pepper steak and rice."

"Wow, you called me, and the thing you wanted to talk about was me cooking. How fake of you, Ms. Lane." She looked at me with pleading eyes. "I wanna show the girls one of my best friends many qualities." I tried to glare at her, but a smile slowly started to creep up on my face. She had won me over, "Fine, I will cook your favorite meal for you. Would you like me to play delivery boy as well for you?" I stated jokingly until I saw the look on her was knowing she, in fact, did expect me to deliver the meal. "The food will be there, no get off my phone, you bitch." "Omg, I love you Stella so much." I smiled and hung up and got to cooking, it took me approximately an 1 to finish the dish. Audrey loves it ever since we were little kids. I make plates for everyone and start packing up the to-go trays. Piling all the food in my SUV, then making sure it is secure. I start to drive to the place.

Now that I think about it Audrey hasn't told me where this place is. Or anything about the show. I just assumed she didn't want to disclose too much information. But it's still weird, I mean we usually tell each other everything no matter what. A bit odd.

Stellabella🥰- Hey, babe, where exactly is the name of the competition.

Audreybunny🤡- Oo, it's called Street Women Fighter 2.

Stellabella🥰- Crazy how I had to actually ask you this stuff when you usually tell me. Isn't it?

Audreybunny🤡- Oo really..... what makes you say that?

Stellabella🥰- Why so secretive ma'am?

Audreybunny- It's just my first time in a competition like this, so I was still a bit shocked. That's all. It's weird at first. It's like crazy down here. It's wild.

Stellabella🥰- You're lying to me. You used the word it's like 3 to 4 times but it's ok I'll see when I get there send me the address.

I stared at my phone, confused. Audrey never kept secrets. Why did she care about this show so much? I guess I will actually just have to wait and find out. I use the GPS in my car. After about 49 minutes, I made it there. "I don't think I ever even watched this show, let alone heard of it. She is right. This is weird." I step outside of the car, grabbing the food carefully. "Let's stop overhinking. She is right. This is a new thing for her. I'm proud of her. My bestie is on TV shows now." I smiled softly at the thought and started walking towards the entrance.

I speak to the man at the front desk, letting him know that Jam Republic, as she texted me prior, is waiting on my arrival. He smiled at me and nodded his head down the hall, gesturing me to follow his lead. I bow towards his out of respect and a force of habit now and follow him down to the elevator. After about 5 floors go by, he shows me to a colorful hallway. "I believe you have it from here. The sign says Jam Republic on the door. It big and bright pink you can't miss it. Have a nice day, ma'am." He tells me before bowing and walking off back towards the elevator. I walk further down the hall, reading the names on the doors. "BEBE... 1MILLION... WOLF'LO... TSUBAKILL. Why does that one sound weirdly familiar. I mean, it could just be like a weirdly unique name that I find interesting."

I stare at the door for a while, completely forgetting where I am. Until a hand pulls me, I scream slightly and turn around to see Audrey smiling. "What did you get lost or something?" She says, genuinely afraid she put me through stress. "No, sorry, I was just admiring the names. Hey, have you ever heard of this one?" I ask, staring at her questionable. She looks at the names before shaking her head. "If I'm being honest, the majority of the groups are korean, so I haven't heard of anyone here, you know. Come on, everyone is waiting." Audrey scolds my hand, bouncing down the halls excited.

We walk into the door, and I greet everyone. The vibe is nice, and everyone is friendly. Which I am very thankful for, I meaning usually have a difficult time having conversations with new people. Or just meeting new people in general. I hand everyone a plate. They are sitting there thanking me before digging in. I hear Kristen on the sidelines gushing over the meal and applauding me for my "master cooking skills," or so she says. I blush slightly, thank God for my dark skin. I suddenly get the urge to pee, I grab Audrey's hand without speaking and make my way to the door. She whines because I take her away from her precious meal, but eventually get the hint and help me find the bathroom. She takes me there, letting me inside while saying she will be in the room. And if anything happens, call her. I allow her to leave, not wanting her meal to get cold, then make my way inside the stall.

I was in the process of finishing when I went to flush the toilet and hear the door sqeak open. I walk out thinking it's Audrey. "Babe, I thought you wanted to finish the meal. I literally slaved over the stove to cook. Not to mention me violating traffic laws to get it here." I stated sarcastically before not hearing her response. I continue to wash my hands before I turn around to say something else to her. Only to realize it wasn't her at all. "Sayaka?" She stares me up and down before getting close to me.

The space between us is so small that it makes me nervous. "Glad to see that I've only been gone for what, 3 months, and you have a new replacement right at the ready. Making meals for her. Aren't you just the perfect little girlfriend?" I gulp looking at her, trying to create a bit of personal space between us, and it seems she didn't like that. "You're not running away from me again. What exactly does Audrey the little fairy have that I don't, huh? Stella, you know I don't like repeating myself." I look down trying to avoid eye contact. It feels like I'm frozen, I wanted to see her so bad, but I forget the massive effect she had on me. Seems she didn't, though. "Me and Audrey aren't together. She has a boyfriend. And so do I."

I try to say that last bit with confidence, but it seems like at the moment that shit hasn't gone out the window. My voice cracks. She smiles at me, but I can tell I won't achieve anything good with rhat smile. "That's cute. My little baby got herself a boyfriend. Call him." I look at her confused, why the fuck would she want me to call the guy she is jealous of. More importantly, why is she jealous of Jake. " I don't owe you anything. We weren't in a relationship, and you made those guidelines very clear at the beginning. So you have no reason to be mad at me." I try to hide the tears falling out of my eyes by looking away until she grabs my chin.

She wiped my tears while looking at me. "Baby, I gave your money because you don't need to struggle, ok? I'm your support system, whether it's cuddling you when you're sad or gifting you shit when you're happy. In the beginning, I didn't want a relationship, I just wanted you. Labels scared me, but what scared me more was losing you. I care about you." I stared at her shockingly while she gave her confession. I didn't expect that to happen. Out of all the outcomes I planned in my head. "I care about you too, and I want to be with you. She kissed my forehead while smiling lovely at me. "My little girlfriend then." As she said that, it made me the happiest girl in the world. Experiencing true love is wild.

"Now, akachan, what do you say we give that ex-boyfriend a call and make it official." She says while leaving open-mouthed kisses down my neck, causing me to moan as she grabs my hips, pulling me flush against her body. I start to moan until she speaks up. "No, no baby, say it for the phone call. Gotta show him who you belong to, don't we?"

#street woman fighter 2 #swf2 #street woman fighter x reader #Sayaka

[heaventree13]

How Jikook Found Me

Hi anyone who happens upon this!

**I'm going to preface this with the information that I don't know how to link stuff, embed etc, so hopefully my attempts to do so will work!!**

I've been thinking of doing a "how I discovered jikook" post forever, because I love coming across other's similar stories, and was inspired this morning by @jiminieloved post below:

We discovered jikook at pretty much exactly the same time, if in slightly different ways.

I first joined instagram around October 2019, after only being on facebook prior to that (I had started a twitter account at some point, but had never used it), and somehow the algorithm decided I would be interested in Larry Stylinson. I don't know why. I knew who One Direction were, but didn't really listen to them. I didn't know what a "ship" was, except for "Bennifer" and "Brangelina", and that's not even really the same thing, is it? Anyhoo- it turned out I was a bit of a Larry. They were adorable and what I saw was compelling at the time.

Then, of course, the algorithm started throwing in some other ships for my consideration, and along came the vmin ship videos.

I had no idea who they were at first. I had heard of BTS, vaguely recalled seeing them on some entertainment news program once, but (much to my chagrin, as I could have been listening to them earlier), hadn't paid attention. I'm embarrassed and a little ashamed to say I just remember they all had different coloured hair, were so impossibly pretty, and thought they were likely just a fad.

Don't hate me!! I would fight to the death for all 7 of them now!!!

But I digress! So, I thought vmin were so sweet. Nothing necessarily romantic there to my eyes, but I had an open mind about it, and I had never seen that kind of affection between males. I ate it up. I'm a 50 year old female (46 at the time), and from Canada, and this was so outside my personal experience. I adopted them into my heart. I watched everything I could find on instagram.

And then some stray jikook content started sliding in.

And I got worried. What about my vmin babies? Was my mischievous little V ( I didn't know him as Tae Tae yet) going to get his heart hurt? Of course, I was seeing stuff that had already happened years before in most cases, but all very new and "real time" to my heart, that was slowly turning a vivid purple without my knowledge 💜. But what I was seeing in jikook was quickly becoming undeniable in my eyes.

And I was blown away. My heart remembered what it was like to believe the stories I read and watched in romantic books and movies when I was young. I had decided that was all just the stuff of fiction, and that maybe I was a fool to have believed in it. But no- these two young Korean men were putting Mr. Darcy and Miss Elizabeth to shame! In real life!! I had to slide over to YouTube. I had to start searching stuff like "the way Jungkook looks at Jimin":

And I was able to reconcile vmin and jikook for what I believe it is- no animosity, no competition (at least romantically) because it's two different kinds of love, both just as real. Not that I don't see moments in the content where I think our Tae Tae felt left out, but our babies (all seven of them) had all lived together and done everything together for so long, I think their relationships are not like anything most of us will ever experience or be able to fit into any tidy relationship categories. They are so much more than that.

Somewhere in my searches I found this excellent 3-part commentary by @mimiandkookie4607 :

And this then this favourite by @themooniswaitingforus (who also makes some really beautiful song edits ,btw) :

Then I started wanting to watch original content, so I joined WeVerse and VLive. And then of course, as will happen, I fell in love with all 7 of our amazing, hard working, passionate, talented, brave, fun, impressive young men. I will love and support them until they are old men (or at least much older, as I won't be around as long as I fervently hope they will).

There is more, of course. So much more, but I've run out of steam for today! I do want to say that I joined tumblr because of jikook, as well. I first discovered @dalloga through the Korean Perspective video (they haven't been active for a little bit, but it's worth it to go read their blog, for those who haven't), and then @stormblessed95, and went further down the proverbial rabbit hole from there.

Thank you for reading. Stay positive. Be kind. Seek out happy!

#jikook #kookmin #bts #vminkook #vmin #bangtan ot7 #Youtube

[cy-cyborg]

Sorry to bother you, but what was it like deciding to amputate your legs? Unfortunately it's come up as an option for me, as other long term solutions aren't viable, and Idk how to feel about it, scary as hell tbh.

You're not being a bother at all!

Full disclosure, my case was a little bit different. I had both my legs amputated below the knee what I was a year old, the circumstances there didn't allow my parents a lot of time to think about it (and well, I was a baby, I wasn't doing much thinking about anything lol). I did opt to have my right knee amputated in my 20's but I had already been living as an amputee for my whole life, so I knew more about what to expect going in which stopped a lot of the anxieties most folks experience.

In saying all that, I used to work with a lot of new amputees as a kind of mentor and feeling scared is perfectly normal. It's a big decision. If it does turn out amputation is the best option for you, just know there's support out there to help you through it. In Australia, each state has an amputee association, and I'm fairly certain this is true for The US and UK too. Id recommend seeing if there's one near you and getting in contact with them, even before your amputation. often times they have mentorship programs available where you can be introduced to someone with a similar type of amputation to what you're expecting to get and they can kind of help guide you through it - or at the very least, be someone to talk to who knows what you're dealing with. Alternatively, a lot of organisations have events like meet-and-greets where you can meet others so you can get a better idea of what to expect going into all this. If you don't have anything like an amputee association specifically, look for a disability sporting organisation. Even if you aren't a sporty person, they usually have a LOT of connections and can help you get into contact with other similar support services/organisations.

I will also say, while its important to listen to your doctor and surgeon(s) for medical advice, when it comes to telling you what life as an amputee will be like, they...kind of suck lol. Doctors, especially the surgeons, only see their patients when something is wrong (or has just stopped going wrong), but there's more to life than what they see. Listen to what they say, but when it comes to "quality of life" type stuff, take it with a big grain of salt.

Things might be hard when it first happens, but I promise, it will get easier.

If there's anything more specific you want to know, please don't hesitate to ask and I'll try my best to help out if I can! You got this ❤️

#disability #disabled #amputee #leg amputee #amputee life #physically disabled #physical disability

[stuffman-main]

alright so the plot has gotten pretty hard to follow even for me, so let's recap Stuffman's Journey in Game Dev.

GHOST NUN

i quit my job to make an attempt at full-time game dev, and ghost nun won the initial poll for which of four game ideas i would try to make first.

it was a harsh learning experience. though i had put together proof-of-concept demos for various game ideas before, i slowly discovered that i had dramatically overestimated my programming ability, and dramatically underestimated the time it would take to produce a full game of the scope and graphical fidelity i wanted.

i spent the first year of full time dev and most of my savings to produce a demo with two dungeons that nobody liked, and it would not be easily retooled because of how badly it was programmed.

as of today the project is fully scrapped. if I ever revisit the concept it will have to be remade from scratch. (creating a demake with my faux NES engine is something I've considered.)

WAR OF THE SPROUTS (v1)

so after that mess, the idea here was that a strategy game would be much less demanding to make in terms of assets - once you've got your tileset and unit sprites you're pretty much good. right?

of everything on this list, wots was the biggest passion project, which is why i kept coming back to it. being a longtime advance wars fan, this bad boy has ten years of theorycrafting and lore behind it.

progress was still slow due to inexperience, as the first version of the engine was full of hard-coded UI that had to be adjusted over and over again. regardless, a playable build with fully functional units and commanders came together. but progress stalled once it came time to work on the AI, my savings ran out, and I had to pick up a part-time job. my stint with full-time game dev was over.

ASTROLANCER

so, let's go with something even simpler, I thought. astrolancer is (in theory) an easy project to break into small, digestible bits ideal for working on in one's free time (unlike the eight hour debug sessions one must spend while attempting to wrangle a strategy game AI). make a weapon here. make a new enemy there. the decision to stick to a mostly authentic NES aesthetic made the graphics easy to approach, too.

it worked well enough. the game's engine and first stage came together pretty well over the first few months. then, an unxpected boon - covid lockdown gave me a few more months of focused dev time, and i managed to finish about half the game in this time. the demo was reasonably well-received too. unfortunately, i ended up broke, and it was time to go back to work…full-time, this time. progress basically stopped after that, as we all know that wage slavery is the bane of creative energy.

next year, though, another opportunity presented itself - i would be stuck at home for about four months taking care of my grandma, who had destroyed her ankle. that would be just enough time to finish astrolancer, i thought…! but i thought wrong, because grandma was helpless and taking care of her left me with little true free time. i got basically nothing done in the first 2 months.

WAR OF THE SPROUTS v2

realizing astrolancer wasn't going to be finished, and really wanting to get back to my passion project, i decided to take advantage of my much-improved programming skills and take another whack at wots. my reasoning was that if I could hammer out an engine quickly enough, the only thing I would have to do from that point on would be writing, art, and map design - things that wouldn't be stressful to do on weekends (my motivation to open up visual studio while recovering from the workweek was nil). it was successful to an extent - the new engine has a scripting system to automatically create UI windows and the code was much cleaner. unfortunately, time ran out when I encountered my old nemesis, the AI, and the game has remained untouched since my return to work.

UNTITLED FAIRY H-GAME

"fuck it let's just make a fucking rpgmaker game. it'll be full of horny fairies. it'll be great." you would've had to be following my pinup blog to know about this one.

after spending some time on character designs, though, i realized there was no fucking way i'd be able to draw all those cgs while also suffering the wrist strain from work.

WAR-O-MATIC

the AI girl game has a title now! believe it or not, this concept is almost as old as wots is, and is sort of its sister game. i planned to make it after releasing wots though, because it's much more experimental in terms of balance.

anyway, at this point i was thinking "what other options do I have"? what if I just took the existing wots v2 engine and made a different game that removed all the game elements that made the AI really hard to program? no transports, no fog of war, simplified powers…and an artstyle and cast that wouldn't put too much stress on my wrist. there's no reason it shouldn't work.

there was a lot of game math and balance theorycrafting to do from scratch, but that stuff is fun.

what wasn't fun was going back to AWBW after a few years to make sure I still understood the game, and discovering that I absolutely do not because I lost every single match. this has not been good for my confidence in my ability to make a good AW clone.

present day, present time

this was just recently. last week i thought of revisiting the fairy game (which is where the sprite on the pinups blog came from), and the last two weeks at work i've been running over the story in my head, coming up with spell lists, etc. i've been managing my wrist strain better and my new tablet is easier to use, "so maybe i can pull it off after all", i thought.

then, just last night, as if accosted by a foul-mouthed muse, I was struck loudly by a thought.

"JUST FINISH ASTROLANCER, YOU STUPID FUCK."

there is merit to the idea, i decided. it is the game in the furthest state of completion. the only one of two that is actually playable, and the only one of those two that doesn't suck ass.

then, this morning, that ask appeared in my inbox. it's a sign.

that's the plan. i'm going to try to finish astrolancer.

(to actually answer the question, i'm working on the stage 4 boss.)

[proton-selfships]

1, 2, 9, and 19 for Laurel with the self ship asks —Nic

Couples Questions

Thank you, @me-myself-and-my-fos!

1. Who makes the other blush all the time and who finds it adorable?

Usually, it's Laurel getting me all flustered and then acting all smug about how adorable I am. But when it's the reverse, oh man, it's the cutest thing in the universe when she starts blushing and looking down at the floor all sheepishly!

2. Who sings in the shower?

Laurel! There's nothing like hearing her sweet, childlike singing voice coming from the bathroom. It's positively ethereal.

Meanwhile, I just take my showers in silence. Gotta focus on giving my thick, oily mop of hair a good scrubbing and I don't want any soap getting in my mouth, lol

9. How did they know they were right for each other?

Obviously, we only really knew for sure after spending time living together in her family's old mansion, realizing we were mostly compatible and working on compromises for the ways that our routines weren't, etc. etc.

But the moment when we both realized that we were inevitable and that nothing could truly keep us apart was when she saved me from being completely subsumed by my own powers. Because for both of us, it represented us realizing how similar we truly were and consciously deciding that the other was worth saving.

In my case, I saw how both she and Tyler had been unfairly cast aside and ignored by the world in similar ways to me, and I wanted to stop them from harming anyone else but had no desire to harm them further; that was why I overextended my powers trying to fight Tyler without taking the easy route by snapping his neck or something. And then for Laurel, saving me represented her consciously and definitively choosing me over her past lifetime of anti-outcast programming, after dancing around the issue for so long when it was clear to onlookers like Tyler that she truly did have a soft spot for me all along.

Next to that? Tiny things like differences in what foods we like and other such disagreements that come up when you live with someone didn't take much effort to figure out. And we already knew we'd have plenty to talk about when it came to our respective interests we're passionate about! So yeah, soulmates. ;w;

19. Who's the better dancer?

I'm gonna say Laurel just because I hardly ever dance, so I feel like she'd have to be a pretty bad dancer to be worse than someone with near zero experience.

Though come to think of it, I don't think she'd have much experience given her life up to that point, either. But at least she'd clearly gotten more exercise given how much muscle she's got hiding under her sleeves!

#peyton got mail! #ask game answers #laurel-posting #peyton ravenna #laurelton #me-myself-and-my-fos

[bekandrew]

Laptop Necromancy

I'm running my whole art portfolio through Glaze. If you don't know, it's a program build by a group of uni students that's won awards and is designed to basically prevent AI libraries from being able to meaningfully "learn" anything from your art. It can be found here for free. It wouldn't run on my actually functional laptop (it tried rendering for 2 days straight and then got to something like "Time remaining: -200 minutes" and still never spat out anything completed). So, while waiting for the seemingly endless rendering to stop and a reply for access to their Web option, I decided to try something a little off the wall.

I ended up taking my largely non-functional old laptop (8+ yr old Dell Latitude i7) I hadn't figured out how to safely dispose of yet and see if I could give it new life. It was a mid-tier "gaming" laptop when I purchased it, though I needed the specs for heavy graphics work for work as an artist and as I was, for a time, still in uni for engineering before switching majors. It currently won't run most of the programs I need for work - it abjectly refuses to open Krita no mater what I do, and throws a fit and crashes with even GIMP sometimes. I even have to be careful with internet browsers now with that one. Its hard drive is pretty toast, hence why I needed to suck it up and get a new laptop. Something is damaged in a way I couldn't make a proper clone of the drive and something's fucked with the BIOS is fucked in a way I couldn't even run a recovery usb and it has no disk drive. It makes frightening noises from frequently trying to run its HDD at 100%. The casing itself is held together with duct tape and spite. This laptop survived several moves and homelessness before finally being too finicky to put up with after wife and I were rehoused. It literally requires support at all times to not be torn further apart by the weight of its own screen. It also needs to be elevated in a way to give the fans a little help. It's a technological senior citizen. Despite the hard drive being largely toast, the OS still works pretty fine. The RAM isn't high as I'd like, but it's not bad, either. It's main draw for this very specific purpose is the dual GPUs. There's a version of Glaze that you can force to run off a GPU instead of the CPU and make it go MUCH, MUCH (from my experience, literally 5-10 times or more faster).

I had a Solid State Drive lying around from when I'd attempted to keep the old laptop alive longer, so I stuck it in my external dock, installed Glaze on it, and filled it up with a folder of art to be Glazed. It then proceeded to take about a day and a half of fussing with graphics drivers - including uninstalling the one the uni students recommended and going back to my old one because the one they recommended was technically compatible but was borking things for some reason, and manually changing settings to force the computer to use the correct beefier GPU for the program. I also had to uninstall a ton of shit that was slowing my computer down and sometimes making it lock up entirely - things I used to need when I used that laptop for normal purposes but no longer needed there (things like Steam, Discord, Grammarly, etc).

So long as I don't run much of anything off of the internal HDD outside a couple Windows Explorer windows for viewing files and Task Manager to keep an eye on hardware status, it mostly stays nice and quiet now other than a few spikes here and there with low % usage. Glaze runs smoothly off the external SSD, the CPU and RAM usage remain pretty stable and manageable during rendering, with the GPU usage only at a little over half the computer's total capability. Despite being bested by much simpler daily usage, this old shell of a laptop now renders a resource-intensive program over in a corner and I can just check it every couple hours to see how it's doing.

#Glaze program #glaze ai #anti ai #glaze #long post #ramblings #playing with computers #weirdly proud of my laptop necromancy #laptop #bek speaks

[qwizzers]

so i just found your youtube channel like a few minutes ago and I really enjoyed your video talking about different types of social media and your own personal experience/opinions on them because ive been bouncing back and forth between social medias. I personally miss the old twitter and instagram format but ever since instagram has been turned into a reel-obsessed platform it is very difficult to get reach there so i think twitter has been my most safest/casual posting experience for me. i felt like on instagram i had so much pressure to post reels and i never gave in but it was just super frustrating, sometimes really wanting to just completely leave it entirely, but for now i guess im trying to just post more. im not a tumblr user really but i had this tumblr acc ages ago so i decided to log back in just to message here, but i wanted to ask, if theres any way we can talk further abt this privately i would love to go more in depth ! i dont check tumblr often so im not even sure if you will ever answer this haha, or how i would know if you did or not, but i guess a question that also comes to mind is, how do you post without overthinking? i have so much art i make so many doodles and unfinished wips, and people post wips all the time ! and its like, i cannot bring myself to do that either... im scared of someone either tracing over my art/stealing my art /ocs and just im not sure i guess posting wips makes me not want to finish the art, but when i dont post often i often feel pressure to post fully rendered stuff and sometimes ! i just wanna post a cute furry oc with thigh socks is that so much to ask !!!!!!! XD,,, i kind of scare myself out of posting, but how do i make myself more comfortable with posting without worrying? i scare myself from doing anything haha, i WANT to be more active ! and i want to post more oc stuff and even fanart, but i always make excuses like "nah ill do that when i get better, or ill do it when the drawing is finished" and sometimes i dont even post finished sketches or art !!!!!! i will take any suggestions or anything, but im desperate to break this bad habit,,,, and also ! another question is, how do people code their toyhouse? i saw you explain it in the video a bit, and i recently just got my toyhouse to post oc stuff, but im not sure how people code their card.co, and toyhouse so if theres any sort of website or program or anything i can use to do this please let me know ! i really want to decorate my stuff more :3,,, anyways im not sure if you publically post these.... but if i can somehow post my discord somewhere so we can talk further please let me know !

okay, this ask was super sweet and i want to just say thank u bc it was a fun read :3 hopefully if you do see this response - i have a discord if you want to add me and talk, its qwizzers! i have a website (https://qwizz.carrd.co) and you can see all the sites that i use there so if you use any as well you can contact me there!

so my input on avoiding overthinking b4 you post is to start sharing your work in smaller places to build up your confidence! if you're worried about tracing/stealing, i don't want to say that's not a legitimate concern, bc it IS, however i will say it really doesn't happen too often! ive been around for years and i dont think ive...ever had anyone trace me, the most i've seen is heavy referencing and usually if you bring it to their attention, they instantly stop - when this happens i say it's 70% of the time just young kids that don't realize what theyre doing is wrong or didnt realize youd find out. you can also watermark your work! theres nothing wrong with watermarks, even if its just on a sketch! while it cant necessarily guard against tracers, it can guard against blatant theft. you dont necessarily have to post your work in progresses if doing so demotivates you; but you dont have to exclusively post fully rendered art, either. try to get into a habit of making doodles n more simple art in between your big pieces, and get into the swing of posting those! if you feel like you havent posted in a while, just make a quick doodle or something along those lines and share that! you can build up your confidence with posting online in general by starting small - you could start by sharing your art in discord servers or with your friends so you get more confident about sharing your work regularly. "ill do this when i'm good enough" is a SUPER detrimental train of thought...bc there will never be a point where you'll admit to yourself that you feel like you're ready. that's just a part of the artistic progression :') if you have that mindset, you'll ALWAYS have that mindset, and you'll never actually do the projects that you want to! if you think its outside your ability, it probably isnt really, and you should give it a go anyways! even if it doesnt look perfect or turn out exactly how you wanted it to, you'll probably still be happy in the end bc u gave it your best effort :]

heres my bit on toyhouse:

if you know how to code w html, all you have to do is press "edit profile" on a character and you can code directly into the big box field! if you're not seeing that, it has to do with your settings (which i can explain more in depth if need be) if you ARENT familiar w html, thats fine too! you can find a TON of free to use toyhouse code templates, and a lot of them even explain exactly how to use them! basically you can copy and paste their code for free into your character profile, and just change the text so it fits your character :3 i have a favorite folder for all the neat free to use codes i see, here's a link: https://toyhou.se/Qwizz/favorites/79962 *my toyhouse is kind of eyestrainy btw!) carrd is a seperate website: https://carrd.co you can make a carrd for free and its much more straightforward, you basically just drag text boxes/images in and customize the site how youd like :3

[agorejessstone]

Remembering Duskwood Part Four

EPISODE 1 - 10 SPOILERS

Luckily, Jake had the mind to bring things with him in a ripped-up, old, black canvas bag. Just the sight of it made me wince. How long had he been forced to live out of that thing? I imagined, other than his computer, everything he owned was in that bag. The thought made me impressed and depressed simultaneously. As I dried my hair in a towel, Jake finished cleaning up the devastation in the living room.

After a quick shower, he joined me in the living room. I stared at him for longer than I had intended, trying to figure him out. There was so much I didn’t know about Jake, and yet, he felt familiar at the same time. As if reading my mind, he smiled before rounding the island countertop, propping his chin in his hand.

“Can I take you somewhere?” He narrowed his eyes.

“What did you have in mind?”

“I promised you Chinese, didn’t I?” A thin smirk spread across his.

“It’s about time.” I winked.

“Can I ask you something?” He ran his hands through his hair.

“Anything,” I answered without thought.

“Did you mean what you said the last time we talked?” He stretched nervously.

“Which part?” I knew what he meant, but I wanted to hear him say it. With his voice.

“Uhm, well…” He fidgeted with his sweater, running his hands over the front.

“I can’t read your mind, Jake. Not yet anyway. If the government decides to experiment on me at some point, I’ll ask for that one specifically.” It was getting harder to keep a straight face.

“Let me try this a different way. I love you, Jess.” He watched me closely, waiting for my response.

“I love you too, Jake.” I couldn’t help but smile as he visibly relaxed, “Did you think I would say no?” It was getting harder to contain myself.

“You really do like to get me worked up, don’t you?”

I couldn’t contain myself anymore. An embarrassing, snorting sound escaped me as I practically fell over laughing. He joined in a beautiful, bittersweet sound. How long had it been since he’d laughed with someone? How long had it been since he’d laughed at all?

“Jake?”

“Jess?”

“How long are you staying?”

“I was wondering when that would come up.”

“You might as well tell me. I’ll think about it non-stop otherwise.”

Jake rubbed his hands over his face, “You said you wanted to be with me, right?”

“I did.”

“You’d live this life with me, no matter what?”

“Yes.”

“I see.”

“Jake.”

“You have a life, you know? I could never stay somewhere this nice.”

“Would it not be easier with me by your side?”

“For a while, but eventually, they’d figure you out.”

“Isn’t there something you can do?”

“We have three options.”

“Go on.”

“Option one: We can stay here until it’s no longer safe, ready to leave on a moment’s notice. Your friends and family, you’d have little to no contact with them. We’d be on the run, and I cannot guarantee any quality of life.”

“What’s option two?”

“Option two: I turn myself in and do my time. I get out, and then we can try this again.”

“How long are we talking here?”

“Honestly? Up to ten years, and that’s IF they don’t bring extra charges against me.”

“Option three?”

“Well, to be honest, there really isn’t an option three yet.”

“What do you mean?”

“Alan Bloomgate showed interest in me, yet he helped me escape. Initially, I assumed between the Grimrock Falls scandal, Jennifer’s accident, and Amy’s suicide, he’d want to use me for his own personal gain. I never expected him to trust me enough to get me out of Duskwood. He even helped me locate you.”

“Man, we pegged him completely wrong, didn’t we?”

“No. I don’t think we did. When we met Alan, he was backed into a corner. That could have had dire consequences for us.”

“I see.”

“He opened to you, Jess. He told you to think about himself that he’d most likely never told anyone before. You cleared his name and brought back some semblance of normalcy to Duskwood.”  

“Are you saying he owes us a favor?”

“I cannot make my identity disappear, and it’s difficult to create a legitimate identity. Witness protection programs come to mind, but I’m not sure what resources he has available.”

“Option three seems the most agreeable, but we’d need to visit Duskwood, correct?”

“Correct.”

“You already have something planned, don’t you?”

“I do.” He watched me carefully.

“That doesn’t tell me how long you’re going to be here.”

He chuckled lightly, “I’m getting there.”

“Then get there!” I moved closer to him, draping my arms just above his hips.

He wrapped his arms around me, pulling me close, and took a deep breath, “I want to go to Duskwood, and I want you to come with me. I want to talk to Alan, after Richy’s funeral.”

Richy’s funeral. I’d known it was a reality I would have to face, but I’d forgotten all about the remains they’d located within the mines. I’d not looked at my phone at all since Jake’s arrival. In fact, I wasn’t even sure where it was. My eyes focused on nothing as I considered the proposal. I still couldn’t believe that Richy was the culprit. Now, faced with his death, I had to consider his funeral. Will it help me come to terms or will it make things worse?

“Jess.” His voice was soft, almost patronizing, as he kissed the top of my head, “It’s up to you but I think you should go. Your friends are very worried. Hannah would love to meet you. I have your best interests at heart. I want you to be happy, but you’re avoiding the truth.”

“I’m not avoiding anything, Jake.” I pushed him away, but he tightened his grip.

“Yes, you are. You haven’t dealt with any of this.”

Something inside of me snapped. A tornado of emotion ripped through me.

“What do you want me to do, Jake? Throw a temper tantrum? Scream into the abyss? I can’t tell anyone about this! They’ll think I’ve gone mad! I fell in love with a faceless, mysterious hacker in under a month! I still can’t understand half of what happened myself!  Richy’s death. You. Dan’s accident. Phil’s arrest. Amy’s suicide. None of it should have happened. Do you think going to the funeral is going to make me feel better? About Jessy? Or Lilly? Or Hannah?”

I watched as he winced under the weight of my words, but he held me tighter still.

“I don’t expect anything to make this better, no.”

“Good!” I was shouting at him now, tucked under his arm, my hands balled into fists at my side. “Because nothing could make this better, and there isn’t a single person on this planet that can relate to the hell I’ve been through in the past two weeks. Not one.”

He kissed my forehead, “You have me, and six good friends in Duskwood, seven if you include Hannah. They understand better than anyone what you are going through.”

I sighed loudly, “I don’t think they understand the fear of losing you, no one understands that. That’s all me.”

“I understand that.”

“It’s not the same.”

“Jess, do you remember when you volunteered to go to the Grimrock?”  

“I’ve spent the last three days desperately trying to figure out whether my choices sent you to your death!” I spat angrily. “Of course, I remember!”

“It was that moment that I finally understood.”

“Understood what?”

“How you’ve felt all this time, why you’ve always been so supportive. I changed my mind in the end, didn’t I?”

I shrugged, “I guess.”

“I understood how hypocritical I had been. I’d left you without answers to your questions. Vanished, without a word. Kept things from you. Avoided you. Each time, you supported me. I am jake saved my life. You never begged me to stay. You never pressed me for details. You just accepted my decision. I needed to do the same for you, even if it meant losing you. At the same time, more than ever before, I feared losing you.”

“Okay, so you understand that part.”

“Once I got to that mine, I realized something else. I’d been avoiding telling you how I felt because I thought it would hurt less if I didn’t say it out loud. When I arrived, I realized this was it, we were going to save Hannah. The last few weeks flit through my mind, and I realized I’d been so focused on saving her, that my feelings for you, took a back seat.”

“Is that why…”

“I told you I loved you because I finally understood what you’d been feeling all this time. I needed you to know. I didn’t want there to be a single question in your mind, whether I loved you or not.”

“Fine.”

“Fine, what?”

“Fine, I’ll go to Duskwood for the funeral, but does that mean they’ve identified the remains?”

“They have not, as far as I know, but we should know today, which is why I want to leave tomorrow.”

“Tomorrow?!”

“Is that a problem?”

“No, but where is Duskwood anyway.”

Jake chuckled, “It’s a short flight, and I’ve already got the plane squared away.”

“Okay, but.”

“No more buts. I’m starving. Let’s talk about this when we get back, okay? Today, it’s just you and me. No Duskwood. No Richy.  No FBI. Just us. Okay?”

I’d never felt this from Jake before. He’d been focused on several occasions, commanding even, but this was different. He was demanding that I turn all my attention to him, just for today. He’d forced me to talk about Richy’s attack. Now, he was forcing me to face his death. I was overwhelmed with gratitude I’d never be able to fully express as I grabbed my jacket and followed him outside.

Continue to part five

#duskwood #duskwood everbyte #iamjake #jakexmc #duskwood mwaf #duskwood fanfiction #duskwood game #duskwood fandom #duskwood jake #duskwood jake x mc #duskwood mc #duskwood final episode #duskwood episode 10 #duskwood ep10

[sevdrag]

dreamwidth update: eh, what the hell

or: Sev's Adventures With ChatGPT

This is not an article defending AI scraping programs in any way. I find their existence worrisome and exploitative. However, while reading what's going down at AO3 with regards to AI-generated fanworks - more specifically, writing - I realized I actually don't know a lot about what these kinds of things actually produce.

I am, of course, teh lady who thought the band was actually called One Directional, so. No wonder.

But I decided I would take a little look and see what the concerns are with regards to written fanworks. (Again, this is in NO way defending the way these programs were trained on the backs of content written by others. That's separate.) I wanted to see what a fanwork might look like coming out of one of these guys.

I wanted to see how - threatening? - AI-generated content is at the moment only in terms of comparison to other fanfictions. Again, this says nothing about legal use or existence as a transformative work. I wanted to see if I could make it make me a fanfiction.

So if you, too, were curious about it, but didn't want to use the AI guy / were too lazy to do so, here's my short 15 minute experiment.

I figured I'd start somewhere I've been a while: Winterhawk fandom. So I said:

Help me write a story where Bucky Barnes and Clint Barton get together while working at a restaurant and eventually kiss.

You might recognize this premise from the garlic fic.

( Here's what it gave me: )

So on one hand, I was expecting the writing to be terrible, and it isn't. But this reads more like the summary of a story than an actual story, right? Plus, the phrasings are ultimately cliche: the soft glow of the moonlight is easily predictable text because it's been used thousands of times. This isn't bad, but it isn't something I see as being at all popular over other fic offerings.

But, I thought, maybe I'm using it wrong. So I made the sacrifice and put in the first 3 paragraphs of Old Vines. Yes, ChatGPT now has the first 3 paragraphs of Old Vines in its database. I'm sorry / You're welcome.

( and )

It's basically... a summary of the first three paragraphs. Rewritten.

So I put in the 4th paragraph.

( next )

Again. It's just rewriting my words.

So then I asked it:

what happens when Aziraphale lands in wine country

mainly because I was curious whether it would find Old Vines itself somewhere, or like, idk. I was just curious.

( So it gave me this: )

What a lovely story that would have been! Y'all never would have had to deal with Gabriel.

and THEN i thought, well, OV is a relatively small fanfic i'm using because it's mine. I wonder what happens if I ask:

what happens when he meets Crowley

( And )

Note the mention of "the apocalypse" and "angel and demon" -- the addition of Crowley to the mix has led it back to Good Omens source material. None of this is in OV, which is an AU, and way way way way way WAY smaller than Good Omens as a whole, obviously -- but it didn't pick it up from those paragraphs. It knows Crowley and Aziraphale stopped the apocalypse.

And it's also still very much a summary of something. It isn't... it isn't writing what I would call fanfiction.

So what am I saying here? Nothing yet. I know a lot about writing; I know very little about AI.

I find its general coherency surprising and worrisome -- I'm so cynical that all I can see are the ways people could use it to steal and rewrite work, or fuck stuff up, but I'm sure there are cool things about it too. I don't think it's yet a challenger to work on AO3 written by humans.

I don't know what else to say about it but I wrote this whole thing, so like, idk man.

comments Comment? https://ift.tt/XVdPLWj

#crossposted #dreamwidth

[wrenfea]

hey! is it ok to ask a wheelchair related question? i am in PT and have muscle atrophy n hyper mobility and nother things (no disorder specified) and I’m told to do these exercises and “it’s good to move when ur in pain and fatigued.” and that it’ll make it better .. but it’s hard to manage and id like to go through daily life not in pain and be able to do more things. i want a mobility aid .. I kinda think maybe a wheelchair would be best bc both of my legs and arms and back are effected.. but I know I’d be told I’m “giving up” and that I will atrophy more… n what I’m thinking is well what if I keep doing these exercises and doing walks but in my daily life also use a wheelchair or mobility aid? would I still atrophy then?.. what happens if u completely atrophy?.. idk it’s just like. when should I use a wheelchair vs not do that and keep doing the exercises to strengthen myself ? idk like when should I allow myself a wheelchair ?

I am not a medical professional so please take my advice with a grain of salt. Also my advice comes from my own personal experience with fibromyalgia, I do not have hyper-mobility, but I do know people that do.

I was in a pretty similar position last year in PT. Everyone kept telling me to keep moving, to push myself to get stronger even though it hurt. I tried, I really did, and it did help for a bit. However once November hit, everything went back to the way it was. Before November I was able to run around in the heat with only minor symptoms as long as I could take breaks. But once November hit I could barely move. So I had to make a choice. Stay in bed and join class virtually, losing the amazing experience of my program at SCBI, or find a way to cope with my situation.

Anon, when I told my rheumatologist, she laughed at me. It's like she wasn't even listening. A 15 minute appointment. I didn't even straight up ask for a wheelchair, I just brought up the possibility of exploring mobility aids as an option. She said I was too young. My therapist? She kept saying it was a terrible idea because it would cause muscular atrophy. This is a lady with no experience with fibromyalgia other than "one of her other clients has it". I decided to stop listening to those who kept giving me advice without actually listening to me and not actually having any experience with my disability (hell, my therapist kept saying I shouldn't call myself disabled as that would be giving up).

I started looking on forums for people with fibromyalgia (stuffthatworks is AMAZING) and was connected with people who have had my disorder for decades. I reached out to someone who was able to give me advice on mobility aids from the perspective of someone with fibromyalgia that had been using mobility aids for years.

I'm not saying doctors don't know anything, but many doctors stick to what they are taught rather than doing their own research or actually listening to their patients. It took a while but I finally have doctors who listen to me. Who actually check up and make sure their treatments are working. Who accepted that they didn't know what to do and would refer me to another doctor instead of throwing medicine at me.

If you aren't actually diagnosed yet, I would be wary about PT. How are they supposed to treat you in a way that won't exacerbate your condition if they don't even know what you have?

Here's my advice, do your own research. Try to find a specialist that deals with your specific issues. For me, I reached out to a spine and pain doctor who referred me to a neurologist. I got an MRI, an EEG, and a sleep study. They found out I had sleep apnea which I had no idea I had. I also went to a chiropractor who did x-rays and I found out my neck is literally backwards. Like I have mild scoliosis. I do PT with the chiropractor which is so much nicer because I use methods that don't cause pain. Everything is so gradual and personalized. Meanwhile my old PT place had me going up and down stairs because I told them I hated stairs. I can actually freaking move my neck side to side now.

Once you have a diagnosis, try to find a community forum for people with your condition. Heck if you already have a pretty good idea you can look at those forums now. Stuffthatworks has multiple communities for different health conditions.

Now about the mobility aids. Honestly? Fuck the whole atrophy thing. Think of it this way, will you really be moving more with it or without it? Without the wheelchair I go out less and stay in bed more, which causes atrophy!! With the wheelchair, I go out more, use my arms and core (manual wheelchair only tho), and have more energy to actually do the exercises my doctor prescribed. It helps me save energy for the things that matter. Wouldn't it be better for me to use my wheelchair to get to class and then do my PT exercises than to suffer through walking to class unaided and then sleep the rest of the day? Do what increases YOUR standard of living. If you can get a wheelchair or other mobility aid, go for it.

There's a reddit forum for wheelchair users that I've found useful for first timers. Also please note it can be next to impossible to get a wheelchair prescription ESPECIALLY as a young person. I would look on Craigslist or charities near you that provide wheelchairs. I got mine off Craigslist for $80 for a $500 wheelchair. For others I was able to find a rollator at goodwill for $40. They also had crutches but I didn't buy those. You can also find canes pretty much everywhere. It's good to have different levels of mobility aids for different levels of pain.

For the atrophy thing specifically, I used a wheelchair in highschool (broken ankle that would not heal) and did notice my legs atrophied a bit. But as long as you monitor your muscle weakness and do exercises that strengthen your muscles along with using the wheelchair, you should probably be fine. I have a rollator so I can take walks and get my legs moving while also still having a place to sit if needed. Also, working with a physical therapist that actually knows about your condition and accepts that sometimes you need to use your mobility device will help. You'll most likely find that it will actually become easier to do your physical therapy exercises once you stop wasting energy on simply getting about.

Sorry this is kinda long, I hope it helps. Let me know if you have any other questions or want me to elaborate on something. Also if anyone who sees this has more advice feel free to add on!

#fibromyalgia #wheelchair #mobility aids #spoonie #hyper-mobility #disabled #asks

[ejzah]

A/N: I decided it was time Rosa learn a little bit more about Deeks’ FLETC journey.

***

Something To Be Proud Of

“Where do you want this, Marty?” Rosa asked, carrying a small box of papers and documents from the garage to the office. They called it the office, but it also doubled as a storage room, study, and spare bedroom when the need arose. Right now, they were finally getting around to moving in the last of the things they’d shoved in storage during his and Kensi’s hasty move.

“Uh, just stick it on the desk,” Deeks answered, hefting a larger box nicknacks. While he started unpacking some small pictures, Rosa laid the contents of the other box on the desk.

“There’s a badge in here,” Rosa said after a few minutes, and Deeks looked up to see her holding one of his old LAPD shields and wallet.

“Oh, I forgot I even kept that.” Deeks walked over, running his fingers over the tarnished metal. In all the time he’d worked for NCIS, he didn’t think it had been updated once. It bore the wear and tear of more than 12 years’ use. “Huh.”

“I didn’t realize you were a detective,” Rosa commented. She examined both objects with interest, a furrow growing between her brows.

“Yeah, I was promoted a few years after I joined the force,” Deeks explained with a shrug. Thinking back, it seemed a lifetime ago.

“You were so much younger!” She’d flipped open the wallet, which still held his Liaison ID, and featured a 30-some year old Marty Deeks.

“Oh geez, yeah, NCIS isn’t always big on updating pictures. Which is kind of surprising given our level of available technology.” Shrugging, he tossed both objects to the side.

Rosa had taken advantage of his distraction to remove several more objects, including a diploma and a small plaque that Deeks easily recognized.

“Is this where you received your training?” she asked, holding up his certificate of completion from FLETC.

“Yeah, everyone at NCIS has to complete the program in order to be a federal agent. Or in my case, investigator.”

“What’s the difference?”

“We’re still working on figuring that out,” Deeks said with a self-deprecating grin. “Mostly I’ve just used it to mess with Sam when he tried to give me grunt work at first.”

“You had perfect scores on all your courses. That is impressive, Marty,” Rosa told him, and he felt his cheeks heat with the admiration in her voice.

“Well, I had a lot of experience to begin with, so I wasn’t exactly starting from the beginning like most of the other candidates.”

“Kensi said you were much older though, so that must mean something. And you received this award.” She held the “Honor Graduate Award” up as evidence. “Aren’t you proud of that?”

“Yes, but…” Deeks trailed off, struggling to finds the words to explain why he didn’t feel quite worthy, why he never had. “I guess it just doesn’t feel the same as everyone else.”

“Well, I am proud of you and I know Kensi is too,” Rosa said firmly. Deeks’ throat tightened and he once again was overwhelmed by her continuous faith in him.

“Thank you,” he whispered, feeling oddly shy as he ran his fingers through his hair to hide his discomfort.

“You’re welcome.” Rosa glanced down at the award and diploma with a calculating look. “I think these would fit right over there on that wall.”

Deeks chuckled again, not stopping her as she grabbed a hammer, level, and nails.

***

A/N: I’m not sure if an officer who resigns would be able to keep their badge, but we’re pretending they can.

#ncis la fanfiction #marty deeks #Rosa #Deeks at FLETC #kind of fluffy #ejzah fanfiction

[a-year-abroad-blog]

Amsterdam

For the month of May, I spent some time away from Paris and in a whole new city, in a whole new country: Amsterdam, The Netherlands!

I joined two friends I met at my school in France, Alice and Leonie, and we organized a short term volunteer program with a community coordinator in Amsterdam. After meeting with the main organizer, we got our schedule with lots of different projects in the city. For the majority of each week, we spent time at a rotation of a few different nursing homes. I really really enjoyed my time there-- because we visited the same few nursing homes several times, we got to know many of the residents and developed real relationships. Of course, as a person who does not speak Dutch, that did present some challenges. However, nonverbal communication was still possible with those who did not speak English. All in all, I learned a lot about older people and their wants and needs. As a population who are can sometimes be overlooked in society, they were always so happy to have someone to talk with, sit with, someone to acknowledge them. Some days we would put together flower arrangements together, eat Dutch pancakes, and go on short walks. At one nursing home I often visited, I met a staff member named Carla who was probably the same age as my dad, but we hit it off really well-- one of my favorite memories from my time in Amsterdam is taking a couple of the residents on walks, wheeling them in their wheelchairs, through the pretty pathways behind the residence. We talked together about so many things, but she would also translate what the elders with us were saying so I could talk with them too <3. I remember one day I was wheeling this man named Jaap, and Carla helped me and Jaap discuss his love of collecting classic cars. I told him about my dad's old Mustang. Jaap loved to stop and look at the rabbits wandering in the grassy fields we walked alongside.

Sometimes I also worked in different places. There's really too many to talk about here, but one memorable experience I have is when I ended up getting assigned to work at this old farm in a poorer community on the outskirts of town. The farm existed to serve the community, and there were also a few wooden outposts with a couple "shops', selling things like donated clothing, children's toys, books, etc. All of the workers there worked everyday with no expectation of payment, which is of course so admirable. I was assigned to work there as a team leader for this company that organizes corporate-volunteering/team-bonding activities. So I got there really early and immediately one of the farmers introduced himself and gave me a tour of the property. He let me go in the animal enclosures which I absolutely LOVED. I got to pet the baby goats and the big sheep. They were the most tame and sweet farm animals I have ever met :,). When the team from the company arrived, I showed them where to go/what they're assignment was/etc. Basically the team bonding happened as they cleaned enclosures together, put together equipment, and organized some of the thrift stores on site. Then it started to rain as hard as I have truly ever seen it rain in my life. Thunder and lightning too. So everyone came in, fully soaking, and we sat inside and talked about the day so far. I met this girl a little older than me who worked full time at the farm this summer but would be travelling soon to South Africa to get her masters in zoology?! So cool

I am so grateful to have had these experiences "working" in Amsterdam. If I could go back, I wouldn't change anything.

Of course, I was also there on the weekends. There is so much to do in Amsterdam and I loved it all. There's so many museums, and I especially loved the MOCO, which exhibited modern art (my favorite) with works from artists like Banksy, Andy Warhol, and Keith Haring. Another fun weekend activity was the time Alice and I decided to bike all the way from Haarlem to Leiden to see the tulips at the Keukenhof. We spent the morning discovering Haarlem, which is truly one of the most beautiful and quaint little fairy-tale towns I have ever seen. There were people kayaking in the river, little street markets, homes situated alongside the canals, parks and greenery everywhere you look. It was much quieter than the city, and I loved it. I could definitely see myself living there. From Haarlem we traveled through little towns and countryside all the way to Leiden, where unfortunately all the tulips had already been harvested. Alice and I weren't even mad, though, because the bike ride had been fun enough in itself. Somewhere along the way we found a bunch of alpacas and wild chickens. I definitely was not expecting that but it was a happy surprise, as I'm sure you can tell by now that I am an avid lover of all animals. Alternatively, Leonie and I took up fitness classes. I really got into reformers pilates and we both loved going to yoga classes.

I've always been a pretty active person, but the Dutch lifestyle is no joke. I rented a bike for the whole month and it was my sole form of transportation-- which I loved! I parked it right outside my hostel everyday and rode it to and from work, and anywhere else I wanted to go. I paid less than $20 for it-- affordable and efficient. Also a great way to get to know the city. By the time the month was over, I didn't even need to look at Google Maps anymore.

Now the bike did end up presenting some challenges, such as the time i absolutely face planted after the wheel slipped into the indention of the tramline on the pavement. In front of so many people having a preciously calm lunch outside on the terasse. I just remember a collective "OOOOOOH" as I hit the ground, in what felt like slow motion. It's actually really funny now to think about it. Some good samaritan came and helped me up, and then I simply walked back the rest of the way holding my bike... You can laugh.

Living in Amsterdam was the best time of my life. I can't wait to go back one day.

[journalsweets]

every year that passes, i complete another year of living and most people see it as a good thing, but for me its not. mostly because i want to be a teenage girl forever, but also because theres this feeling and thought that tells me that theres something i need to complete before i turn 18. my life went down hill after 7th grade and i still cry about it because i lost my chance at being a normal teenager. i didn’t go to school for my 8th grade year because of how bad my depression was. i wanted to kill myself, but i didn’t because my heart had hope for something that i wasn’t aware of. after a while of my life slowly falling apart, freshman year arrives. what was i thinking knowing im going to start high school? i was scared, excited and nervous. i was feeling all kinds of emotions. i had thought that starting high school would make my problems slowly disappear. i would see all my old friends and make new friends along the way. id join clubs and actually start doing something with my life. “im finally going to get better this year” i thought, but it all just got worse. i stopped going to school for a long time. i left my mentally and emotionally abusive boyfriend, but then i realized how i lost such a big part of me when i was with him and it broke me so much that i couldn’t get my old self back. i cried every day and every night like it was a routine. i was all alone and had to get used to it. i shopped by myself, i walked by myself, i learned things by myself, i guided myself for a long time. later on arrives 10th grade, i still wasn’t going to school and after a few things that happened during freshman year (i only went for about two weeks) i decided to do homeschool so i enrolled myself in an online program and started doing the work everyday. i was getting better after time yet i knew my depression was still there, it just wasn’t as bad as it was before. i learned a lot of things about myself, i made a few friends and reconnected with old ones. i did a lot of things throughout that time. theres still so many things i haven’t mentioned here, but thats okay. i graduated early, at sixteen, in 2023. i was happy that i didn’t have to worry about school anymore, but there was no ceremony since it was online school. yeah maybe it may not seem like a big deal, but for me it is. i always wished for my family to see me walk down the stage and i dreamed of doing it with the girls that have always meant so much to me. it never happened and i wish it did. i wish the things that happened in 7th grade didn’t happen to me so i wouldn’t have gotten severely depressed. i never went to homecoming yet i always wanted to and i most likely wont ever be able to experience prom. i don’t have any pictures of me with people because of how insecure i’ve always been. i lost my chance at being a normal teenage girl and i wont ever get that back again. thats why im gonna try to make the most out of being 17, but im losing hope. its not going well so far. i need to complete things this year. i need to get skinny and be pretty so i can be able to take pictures with friends and family and have pictures to look back at once im an adult. im running out of time and im afraid.

[facesofcsl]

Ruby Lall - BA Undergraduate majoring in Political Science and minoring in Sociology

Ruby Lal (she/her) is a 6th year undergraduate doing a major in Political Science and a minor in Sociology. She took a class back in 2018 and was unaware that it had a CSL component in it. Since then, she has gotten involved with CSL and loves her journey so far.

Why did you decide to do a CSL course?

In my first year in 2018, I took a ENGL 102 course. I did not know that class had a CSL component to it. Therefore, every student did it and I had never done something like that before so it was very interesting. We got to engage with book authors or authors who write short stories. After doing that class, I realised that it was very cool and I wanted to get more involved in CSL. I wanted to do something with CSL, either by taking courses or getting with CSL. I applied for the CSL internship - the pathways program and I got my first summer internship in 2022. I worked with the Edmonton International Street Performers Festival and that’s one of the best work experiences I have ever had. I also got to learn that knowledge is reciprocal - that you get back knowledge when you give and that was an amazing thing 

What was your personal experience with CSL?

My overall takeaway from my CSL experience has been that whether you are working, volunteering or taking courses, just don’t take yourself so seriously. In the work we do, we should try and immerse ourselves in the fun of it rather than being serious about it. And of course, the interpersonal relationships that come with the work we do are what makes our work meaningful. In my CSL 370 course called “Uprooting Knowledge,” I learned the ways of knowing and how that contributes to such great and powerful knowledge for positive change. I learned that no one box has all the knowledge. This changed my perspective because before entering university, everybody makes sure that you have an idea that you have to be at a certain level to be knowledgeable. But what I learned is that you can learn a lot from people from all walks of life, rather than just a few people who are at that certain level that everybody talks about. 

What was your favourite CSL placement, and why?

While I enjoyed all of my placements, if I had to choose one, I would say the Old Strathcona Youth Society. what I liked about them is that I had that creative room to be able to make the welcome package that I made for them. which was which was a part of my final project. Everyone was very receptive, as well as encouraging, which is important because the environment encouraged me to do better and keep doing it. The welcome package that I worked on was to welcome new onboarding members. It was to help them know what to expect. It was done through a series of online videos and included information on harm reduction and helping youth as well. I was able to ask their opinion on what they like and it felt like a collaborative effort. That is something I truly enjoyed because that’s what makes it fun and a good work environment. I was also learning about different communities, people, groups and cultures that have a systemic barrier and working, supporting and building those equal relationships. I think that’s something that I took away, and enjoyed with the Old Strathcona Youth Society. I am happy that I was able to interact more with people there and learn about their perspectives.

How has CSL impacted your academic and/or personal life?

I have always wanted to be a counsellor and I think that I’ve always wanted to do that and I think CSL has reinforced and strengthened that. I wanted to take more CSL courses because it has compelled me to learn more again - learning doesn’t just stop at a dead end or a wall. I wanted to learn more so that I could take my learning outside of the classroom and it seems this is something that I enjoy. I will be able to use this knowledge later down the road in my counselling career where knowing what is service would be beneficial. ‘What is service’ is one of the first things we learned in one of our CSL classes. It is not about what is right or how much sympathy you have. It is about “Okay, I might not know what you’re going through right now but I’m gonna sit with you”. That’s kind of the idea I have.  CSL is helping me to learn more about that, get deeper into that and try to apply that in my everyday life, too. I’ve always known I wanted to do something where there’s meaningful change and there’s healing. I wanted to do something that supports others and brings some sort of healing you know with people. CSL has, therefore, helped me understand these things and gave me a perspective on life.

How would you sum up your experience with CSL in one sentence?

Through CSL, we are all powerfully connected.

#ualberta #csl #yeg #facesofcsl #uofa #edmonton #ualbertacsl #community service-learning #service-learning #faces of csl