#leaving felix to deal alone with a mess the likes of which he's never imagined getting himself into

[spacecasehobbit]

Consider, if you will, an Oliver Quick who goes back to the maze to save Felix not because he changed his mind, but because he never meant to kill Felix in the first place.

An Oliver who had planned to confess his True Love to Felix and then die dramatically in his arms (hopefully with a bit of sobbing from Felix, or at least a few appropriately devastated tears and maybe even an apology for being unable to love Oliver back the way he deserved), and who changed his mind at Felix's very thorough rejection to, "I'm going to live, I'm going to leave, and I'm never going to think about Felix Catton or his terrible family ever again."

An Oliver who wanders around Saltburn after his confrontation with Felix, wading through the fading dregs of his party and all the people who were supposedly there for him but didn't even know his name, because he was trying to take in Saltburn one last time before locking the memories of this summer away somewhere deep enough to avoid for the rest of his life.

An Oliver who has no idea that Felix drank something he'd been handed by his ex-bestie who he hated now, his ex-bestie who apparently "makes his fucking blood run cold," because really? Honestly, Oliver was kinda surprised that Felix even took the bottle from Oliver and didn't immediately chuck it at Oliver's head.

Why would he drink from it??

Except, at some point in his aimless wandering, he realizes that the bottle is emptier than it should be. Except, there's only one way he can see for the bottle to be emptier than it should be.

He'd be already running by the time he finishes registering the understanding that Felix drank from Oliver's poisoned suicide bottle.

And maybe in this universe, Oliver gets to Felix in time to make him throw up, but not quickly enough for Felix to shrug off the effects or be coherent without a trip to the hospital and some serious bed rest. So by the time Felix wakes up, Oliver is already gone.

Though this is still Oliver, of course, who can use any situation to his advantage, even horrifically traumatizing situations where he almost killed his ex-bestie/crush/One True Love. Honestly, Felix "overdosing" at Ollie's birthday party is the perfect excuse for Oliver to leave Saltburn without looking bad to Felix's family!

And the perfect excuse to still get screw over Farleigh, in the bargain.

After all, how could poor little Ollie with his druggie mum and dead druggie dad be expected to stay in a house where his best mate nearly OD'd on drugs at Oliver's party? Drugs brought into the house by said best mate's own cousin, moreover? It'd just be too traumatizing for him!

Of course, it would also be terribly traumatizing for him to go back to his mum's drug den of a home, too... and he did save the life of Sir James Catton's only son, from said only son's own stupid choices... gee what will he do?

Probably accept some hush money from Sir James Catton that could be used to rent himself a nice little flat near Oxford for the rest of summer. Only because James and Elspeth were so insistent that he let them help him, though, if he was truly set on leaving Saltburn with like half the summer left. Let them help him, and also agree not to go talking about Felix's unfortunate little overdose with other people, that is.

(Maybe this Oliver even gently nudges the conversation towards the idea of Sir James Catton using his connections to help Oliver change schools, so as to really lock himself into the "Getting Over Felix" plan. Nothing like nearly murdering your best mate after he finds out you've been lying to him for months and then brutally rejects your love confession to motivate some personal change, right?)

And then consider Felix: Felix whose last fuzzy memories are of Oliver going all crazy at him in the maze only to throw up a bunch and then finally leave Felix alone; Felix who wakes up in a hospital a day or two later to learn that Oliver did in fact leave Saltburn... but only after he saved Felix's life and then brutally threw Felix under the bus to his parents, first. Felix who learns that, oh yeah, also Farleigh's been kicked out again, possibly for good this time, what with his bringing drugs to the party Felix nearly accidentally offed himself at.

That Felix would have gone crazier than Oliver Quick, waking up to all that.

#saltburn #oliver quick #felix catton #honestly i don't think an oliver who poisons felix on purpose would have changed his mind #at least not fast enough to save felix's life #but i *can* imagine an oliver who poisoned felix on accident #and figures it out *just* fast enough to save felix's life #and then evaporate right out of it #leaving felix to deal alone with a mess the likes of which he's never imagined getting himself into

[thecarnivorousmuffinmeta]

What if Bella and Renata changed places in the story? What would change?

... You sure you want me to answer that?

This, my friend, is the path to the heart of darkness.

First, for my sanity’s sake, when you say switch places I’m assuming that things like genetics/gifts are staying intact.

This is a meta to be written, but at least on some level, while gifts are informed by genetics they also are informed by what you need. Jane and Alec point to this as well as surviving vampires whose gifts were curiously helpful. Of course, there’s something to be said that perhaps this is survivor bias. The ones with helpful gifts survive because Afton was murdered. And there’s something to be said for that, and I do think that comes into play, but in a different meta.

RIGHT

What Happens to Bella

Bella is molested if not raped by her Uncle Luca.

Bella is groomed from... some point that’s worryingly early in her life, to be turned into a vampire when she’s an adult. Given Renata’s story and her gift, given Makenna’s centuries later, it’s highly likely that Uncle Luca rather than making a fellow “protector” of the family is taking tithes in the form of daughters to become his brides for a time.

And when I say highly likely I mean I can think of no other explanation where everything in the backstory lines up so neatly.

Renata’s saved from rape and molestation thanks to her gift. Bella’s gift is extremely powerful and versatile as well, however, while it does change to suit her needs it seems to rely heavily on precognition and mental protection. In canon, having Renata’s abilities would have made Bella untouchable by James, Victoria, and Laurent. Instead, she gets warnings through Hallucination Edward and precognitive dreams or else is able to shield herself entirely mentally.

As a result, I imagine Bella would have terrifying prophetic dreams growing up, in which Uncle Luca, the patron saint of the family that no one has ever seen, turns out to be a flesh eating demon who rapes her. She might even have a Hallucination Edward equivalent who tells her to GET THE FUCK OUT.

Bella is reassured by her entire family that everything is fine, Luca’s the family protector and certainly not a demon, and that Bella joining him when she turns 20 will be a wonderful thing.

As a result, Bella probably grows up a neurotic mess, probably just as isolated if not more so than she was in canon.

And then it’s too late.

As Luca’s pulling the same stunt he did in canon, I imagine the Volturi eventually show up. Bella is offered the same out she was in canon and, like Renata, I imagine she takes it desperately.

Only, given everything, she likely doesn’t have the same attachment to the family that Renata did. I imagine as a survivor of sexual assault who was sold off by her family, however unwillingly they did so or however much they were hoodwinked, that she wouldn’t know what to think of them. Not for a very long time, anyway. So, I imagine in this universe, Uncle Luca and all the humans who knew of him die. 

Renata not existing, Bella is taken on as a bodyguard, and is a pretty good deal. She’s not Renata, who is the best bodyguard anyone could wish for, but she shields well from mental attacks and they can have someone like Felix be the muscle where appropriate. In this world, Aro probably actually would have some eventual use for Alice, as she could support Bella in predicting any direct attacks on at least the Volturi coven (Aro, Caius, Marcus, and the wives).

Bella is a mess for a very very very long time. While I like to think eventually she’ll recover, I can’t tell you what this would be. I think Bella would be extremely hesitant to ever take a lover or get married, and would instead devote herself to Aro’s protection with at least Renata’s zeal if not more so.

What Happens to Renata

For the sake of my sanity, to truly put Renata in Bella’s place, I’m imagining she’s Edward’s singer. You’re not living the Bella experience if you don’t have to deal with Edward.

Renata, in 2005 for reasons unknown, moves to Forks to live with her estranged father Charlie. 

Renata attends Biology that first day of school where she’s very nearly eaten by Edward. Only, instead of Edward not being able to read her mind, he finds himself unable to get close to her. He can’t sit at her table, her gift sends him wandering in a drunken daze across the room and into the wall.

Edward is very confused, utterly humiliated, but he has no idea what’s happened. Part of Renata’s gift is that you don’t realize you’ve been deflected. You just suddenly find yourself not having approached Renata like you expected.

Edward probably tries to return to his seat, holding his breath, and thinking of Carlisle’s beautiful face (he seriously does this in canon). However, he’s unable to that time either, and this time Renata probably pushes him out of the room entirely.

Edward congratulates himself for unconsciously resisting temptation in the classroom (which would have been very bad and required his brutal murder of all the witnesses).

He’ll eat her after school.

Much like canon, Edward upon leaving school is probably able to clear his head enough to realize he does not have to eat Renata Swan. So he flees the state, lives with the Denali for the two days it takes to get sick of them, and comes back.

And here’s where things get... bad.

Presumably, Renata does not struggle with depression the way Bella does. Terrible things happened to her in canon, and it’s true we know very little about her, but for all she shadows Aro she doesn’t seem to give off those same depressed vibes Bella does.

Renata also, presumably, does not have the weird genetic quirk Bella does where she finds vampires a) not terrifying at all b) omg hawt.

Most people in canon, when they look at a vampire, see something that’s hauntingly beautiful but also wrong. Vampires are fucking scary looking. Even at their gentlest, they do not look right. Bella’s just... into that.

So, unlike canon, the second Biology class Renata looks at Edward in complete terror and Edward can read every thought through Renata’s mind that he tried to eat her. Edward has a complete existential crisis over this as Renata was witness to his most demonic side that he loathes.

Edward will never be with Renata the way he was with Bella because of this. Part of what appeals to him about Bella is that he can a) project a persona of his choosing onto her while thinking he knows her well b) she’s this angelic creature who sees the best in demons. Renata sees demons and sees demons.

Biology is awkward and terrible, Renata probably desperately thinks about switching seats, but doesn’t want anyone to sit next to Edward the demon. 

Then the truck happens.

Much like Bella, Edward saves Renata’s life (and I headcanon that Renata’s gift actually allows for this due to the imminent danger coming from a truck rather than a person). Only, this time, there’s no excuse that he was secretly doing it for love, he’s doing it for that sweet sweet blood.

Renata is taken to the hospital, she’s seen everything, and Edward can see every thought in her head where she absolutely knows Edward Cullen is not a human being.

The family has their vote, only this time, it goes differently.

Renata would never let Alice play Barbie Bella, and thus, Alice does not see Renata as her future best friend forever. Nor does she see Renata becoming Edward’s future lover and mate.

However, Alice still votes no, because it’s not going to work. None of them are going to be able to murder Renata.

Edward is conflicted and votes no, but doesn’t have the reassurance that it’s because he’s in love, it’s secretly because he wants to eat her. He’s not admitting that to himself yet.

As in canon, Carlisle tries to think well of his ridiculous family, and tells Rosalie, “No, Rosalie, killing a teenage girl because you don’t want to move high schools is bad.”

Jasper thinks carefully about this, and tries to devise different schemes to kill Renata and gauge Alice’s opinion. Unlike in canon, he’s not given the two certain futures: Edward will eat Bella or Edward will turn Bella.

Jasper eventually decides to lace Renata’s house with explosives and, when she’s home (preferably if she’s alone but he’s alright with Charlie Swan as collateral damage) blow the place up from a distance.

Alice saw this succeeding, unfortunately, Edward and Emmett make a few decisions.

Jasper is blowing up a motherfucking house. The police chief’s house no less. This is the coolest thing the family has ever done. That Rosalie approves, while not saying as much out loud due to her abiding by Carlisle’s decision, makes this even better. Emmett wants involved, desperately, Jasper gives him some small task that he fucks up.

The wiring is done incorrectly, the bomb will never detonate.

Edward is now in full protector of the women and children (and blood bags) mode and plans to counter Jasper’s attack and confronts him and Emmett. They have the all out brawl that Alice saw in canon.

Renata wakes up in the middle of the night to find the family of demons fist fighting each other outside her house, having wired her house to explode. They have now gone past the point of no return, in a sense, where in canon Bella had had a car accident and would in time remember this as a very strange incident in her life, now the vampires have tried to blow up her house.

I imagine things continue to escalate as the witness now really has to be murdered. They fail every time, Renata lives in a paranoid hell where she can’t tell anyone that every night demons come to murder her in her bedroom.

Carlisle is appalled by everyone and eventually tells Renata the truth and offers her immortality.

#twilight #twilight meta #twilight headcanon #twilight renaissance #edward cullen #anti edward cullen #edward/bella #anti edward/bella #renata #uncle luca #anti uncle luca #tw rape #jasper whitlock #emmett cullen #rosalie cullen #anti jasper whitlock #anti emmett cullen #anti rosalie cullen #carlisle cullen #alice cullen #aro #meta #headcanon #opinion

[multi-fandom-freak0221]

If Your Done With Embarrassing Me On Your Own Won't You Go Ahead and Tell Them

Oh my god y'all have just blown me away. I was not expect so much positive feed back. I was screaming so much I could not Believe how much you guys liked that. And so many people are asking to be tagged in the next part thank you guys so much. Also can I just say moving from Google Docs to Tumblr was a bitch to do and I hated it. But y'all inspired me so much that I decided to just go ahead and type it up on tumblr and move it to Google Docs afterwards.

This part's title is from "Impossible" by Shontelle. The song in this part is "Young Volcanoes" by Fall Out Boy

This is Part 2 of my fic based on @misashabunbun 's Love of Three.

Part 1

Tagging List (I STILL CAN'T BELIEVE I NEED ONE.):

@thestressmademedoit @colorfulmongerpsychicranch @lizziejay @indecisive-mess-named-me @captainmac6 @luveverything12 @kris-pines04 @brokenwordsarehard2

To say Marinette was busy would be an understatement. Between working with Luka and Uncle Jagged producing her album as Neon Titanium and her friends insisting that they help heal her brokenheart she felt like she was caught in a whirl wind. But it was nice she had fun. Luka and Uncle Jagged knew how to turn the hard work of producing music into a fun experience while still being efficient. And her friends they had her laughing harder than she laughed in while and smiling brighter than their resident sunshine child. They did everything they could think off.

She went shopping with Chloe and Kagami. She watched horror movies with Alix, Nathaniel, and Adrien. Marc and Luka let her rant to them which turned into a crying session which then turned into a meditation session. And on top of that her and Peter hung out as well. Whether they just worked in silence together on their respective projects or they were pranking Uncle Tony, kwami did she have fun renaming the protocols on the Iron Man suit. Soon Peter easily fit his way into her group of friends abd he fit in perfectly. Everyone got along with him.

But he wasn't the last to join their ragtag group. Everyone was shocked when Felix Graham De Vanily came to their group offering Marinette condolences on her lost engagement. He was sincere and courteous so of course no one was surprised when Marinette invited him to join in the currently planned game of dodgeball, except maybe Felix himself. But nonetheless he joined in the competition and found himself hanging out with the rest of the group as well. Soon his cold off-standish demeanor was traded for sly smirks and slick humor that nobody caught at first except Marinette and Peter who would laugh openly at his responses.

Soon enough Felix was a part of the group and felt comfortable letting his guard down. It help that they didn't treat him as the Graham De Vanily heir or Adrien's asshole cousin. They treat him like Felix, the boy who while very proper cried watching Big Hero 6. Also the boy who slam dunked on Adrien without breaking a sweat. Yet he still is the master of backhanded compliments and insulting people with a smile and having them thank him. He could truly be himself and he was thankful.

And while he easily was getting along with everyone, anyone with easy could see he had a soft spot for Peter and Marinette in general. It was in the way his face would soften when looking at them. Or the way he would smile when Marinette would get excited over something. Or the way he always paid attention to Peter when he was geeking out. It was the way he softly teased them over their height, Marinette being the shortest of the group and Peter only being taller than Marinette and Alix. And everyone knew Marinette's heart was still healing, so it came no surprise when Felix and Peter started dating. And while everyone was happy for them no one, but Marinette herself missed the looks of longing both boys would send towards her.

Believe it or not Felix was not the most surprising addition to their friend group. No the last addition came soon after Marinette formally did an interview after too much press took notice of Damian Wayne's fiancee being seen for the first time in almost a year, in New York of all places.

She remembered Uncle Tony setting up the interview with someone he trusted. She was glad that this was only an interview as Damian Wayne's (ex) fiancee and not MDC or Neon Titanium. She can only imagine how big a deal it will be when she reveals. But that was future Marinette's problem. Present Marinette had to focus on what to say without giving too much details because no matter how much he deserved it, she didn't want to throw Damian to wolves like that. She settled on saying that she was going through some things and no longer was content in Gotham. She claimed that she decided it was in her best interest to leave, but she didn't want to make a big deal about which is why nothing had been said until now.

The interview went well and everyone accepted her answers. It was released about a month after she left Damian and two weeks since Peter and Felix started dating. She still got news alerts for Gotham so she was waiting with baited breath for her interview to reach the Gotham, but it never seemed to. No announcements from WE or the Wayne family in general. She couldn't say it didn't hurt that no one even realized she was gone yet. But what hurt more was when 2 weeks after her interview she got an alert from Gotham Gazette saying the Damian claimed they set a date for their wedding. She cried that day. How could he not even notice she was gone? Was he so used to lying about her and their relationship that he didn't even give a second thought to what he was saying any more? And while she despaired, she relished in the fact that her friends did not let her be alone. Her face was buried in Peter's neck, she was sat on Felix's lap, Chole was threading her fingers through her hair, her feet laid over Peter legs and settled on Marc's, Adrien sat on the floor in front of Felix a hand rest on her back and everyone gathered around as close as possible trying to physically reassure her. Luka was even humming softly. She appreciated all the love amd support she had and soon she was feeling much better. Eventually it turned into a puppy pile napping session and if she ended up curled up between Peter and Felix? Eh, nobody said anything.

It was these series of events that led to their newest and by far strangest addition to their friend group. Here it was, two days after Damian's announcement and here in front of her stands no other than Jonathan Kent, Damian's best friend.

"Hey, Mari. It's been a while, huh?" She could admit Jon looked nervous. The way he wouldn't meet her eyes and how his hand was rubbing his neck. But him bring nervous did nothing to calm her nerves about why he was even here.

Marinette took a deep breath and drew as much of her inner Ladybug as she could. "Why are you here, Jonathan?"

Jon flinched at how she used his full name. "I'm so sorry, Nette. I'm sorry I wasn't there for you. I'm sorry I didn't push harder. You were my friend too. I should have checked on you. Damian was such a good liar, I never knew. I should have known but I didn't and that doesn't excuse the fact that I wasn't there for you." Jon took a deep breath and finally met her eyes before speaking again. "But I'm going to do better, Nette. Whatever you need just say the word. Even if it means leaving. When we saw your interview Dad told Uncle Bruce to make sure his family was in order especially his youngest. He didn't give any details and Uncle Bruce got offended. I guess he did end up talking to Damian, but Damian doubled down on his lies and his family is believing him. But I know better because I saw what you said and I know even that wasn't the whole truth. So I want you to know I'm on your side."

Marinette was silent for a minute she study him and his words. The way she was looking at him made Jon feel like his whole soul was being judged, but he didn't dare look away. He needed her to know he meant it and that he was truly sorry for not being for. After a minute that felt like hours Marinette smiled softly at him. "I could always appreciate a hug from a friend." She held her arm open and Jon surged forward and hugged her tightly lifting her off the ground.

Marinette giggled a bit before he set her down. "Thanks, Jon for being here for me. I know Damian is you best friend-"

"He lost that right when he decided to lie to me repeatedly for his own benefit." Jon looked uncharacteristically upset at the fact.

"Well if you're in need of some more good friends, I know a group you should meet. Come on, we're about to have a pool day. I'm sure I have some swim trunks I've designed that you could probably fit. "

After they changed intl their respective swimwear, Mari led Jon to her Uncle Tony's pool where the rest of her friends were already waiting. "Hey guys! I'd like you to meet my friend Jon. He's in need of some good company."

Those who recognized Jon looked up surprised before see his nervous fidgeting and hearing Marinette's last sentence before nodding in understand. It was Peter who spoke up first. "Well any friend of Mari's is welcome with us. Come on we were about to play chicken fight!" And just like that their pool party was in swing. The played a couple pool games and had some snacks before Marinette decided to play some music. Soon a familiar tune was playing over the speakers.

When Rome's in ruins

It was Chole who started singing along first sitting laying on one of the pool chairs. In between Alix and Kagami.

We are the lions

Free of the colosseum.

In fields of poison

We're anitvenom

We're the beginning of the end.

Soon Alix was singing the next part as Chloe finished the first part.

Tonight, the foxes hunt the hounds

It's all over now

Before it has begun

We've already won

Luka was quick to pick up the chorus while trying to get everyone to join in with him.

We are wild

We are like young volcanoes

While everyone was distracted with singing Luka had Adrien and Jon sneak with him behind the girls in the pool chair. Each of them grabbed one and threw them in the water. Luka grabbed Kagami, Adrien grabbed Chloe and Jon grabbed Alix.

We are wild

Americana, exotica

Do you wanna feel a little beautiful, baby?

As everyone else's singing tapered off into laughing, Marinette picked up the next part solo as she walked to the diving board and climbed up.

Come on, make it easy, say I never mattered

Run it up the flag pole,

She ended her singing with a cannonball into the pool. Peter picked it up from his place in Felix's arms.

We will teach you how to make boys next door out of assholes

He sung his verse looking at Felix the whole time, who scoffed jokingly when Peter winked at him, but gave a him a kiss after he was done singing. Marc and Nathaniel picked up where he left off dueting together.

Tonight, the foxes hunt the hounds

And it's all over now

Before it has begun

We've already won

Soon everyone was singing along again to the chorus playing around splashing each other.

We are wild

We are like young volcanoes

We are wild

Americana, exotica

Do you wanna feel a little beautiful, baby?

Soon everybody had calmed down slightly singing a little quieter. Marinette her self was floating on her back towards the center of the pool. Smiling at all her support around her.

We are wild

We are like young volcanoes

We are wild

Americana, exotica

Do you wanna feel a little beautiful, baby?

As the song ended Jon was the first to speak. "What the fuck is in the water in Paris that makes y'all so talented?"

Peter laughed as he easily agreed, "That's what I said!"

Adrien chuckled at the Americans in their group antics. "To be fair, Felix is from London and Kagami is from Japan."

"Still! That is crazy. And Marinette I never knew you could sing like that!" Jon looked over towards the bluenette, his eyes softening at her.

Marinette giggled. "Neither did the rest of the world until Neon Titanium featured in Luka's last single."

"What?!" Jon exclaimed. "You're Neon Titanium?! I loved that song! Nette you're even more amazing than I thought."

Luka threw his hand up saying "Here, here." Making Marinette blush as all her friends joined in on complimenting her.

About a 3 weeks later, Marinette found herself working on a dress for her debut as Neon Titanium which uncle Tony insisted she do at a gala he's throwing. Which she suspects he's throwing just for her to debut because there was absolutely no gala planned before.

That was what she was doing when Jon, Felix, and Peter found her. It didn't take long for Jon to fit in with group. And with how often he stayed with them in New York instead of going back to Metropolis, no one was surprised when he started dating Peter and Felix. Marinette was happy for them even though it seemed like everyone was in happy relationships but her. But she knew she still had some things to work out before returning to the dating scene.

As they approached Marinette paused her sketching to look at her friends. "What's up guys? You needed something?"

The 3 boys looked at each other before Peter spoke up. "Yeah, actually. We wanted to tell you something." He rubbed the back of his neck before letting out a sigh. "We like you Marinette. A lot. And we would love for you to date us."

Marinette could feel the rejection on her tongue, but before she could say a word Jon cut her off.

"Let us finish first Nette. Please. After we're done you can tell us to never bother you again, but just let us get this out." Jon pleaded at her. Marinette just nodded and let them continue.

"We all like you a lot," Felix started his words very sincere. "But we all know that your still healing. We only told you because we thought it would be fair for you to know."

It almost seemed as they had planned and rehearsed for this because Peter effortlessly picked up after Felix. "We're not trying to guilt you into dating us because at the end of the day it is still you decision. And we know it may be some time before your ready to even consider dating us, but we're willing to wait."

Jon grabbed her hands as he prepared to finish them out. "We just want you to know how amazing we think you are. We'll be beyond lucky if you decide to date us when you're ready to make that choice. And until you are we're still your friends and we'll continue helping you heal and be better how ever you want us to. And if you decide you don't see us that way we'll still be some of your closest friends because having you in our lives is a blessing Nette."

Soon they all seemed to be holding one of her hands as they finished what they had to say. Marinette had silent tears streaming down her face, but the big smile she had eased away their worries. She pulled them into a tight hug for a moment before pulling back.

"You guys are the absolute best friends a girl can have." She smiled at them gratefully. "You're right that I'm not ready yet, but when I am, you guys will be the first people I consider dating. Promise. Now do you guys wanna see the designs I'm considering for my reveal?"

As the boys gathered around Marinette for her to show them her sketchbook she thought to herself with a smile.

I might not be quite okay yet, but with all the great people I have on my side, I know I will be soon.

#dc x miraculous #marivenger #maribat salt #marijon #felinette #spideybug #ex daminette #OT4 YALL #ITS A COMING #Am i projecting my poly ass? #yes yes i am #give me 3 SOs to love and be loved by dammit! #im a hot mess #maribat #Neon Titanium

[madd-devil]

Felix x reader imagine

Warning: language I guess?

This will be at least 3 parts, it is a slow falling in love story

@nevereverlandboys

You hated how Felix was. 

He always was so full of himself, always mean and horrible with everyone. You stopped counting the numbers of boys who were being heavily injured by him. No one dared to speak to Felix. He spoke with his fists and not his mind. 

You were known as a kind and soft spoken girl, you were considered as a mother by some boys (usually by the littlest ones), always taking care and tending to the boys. That was the price to pay to live in safety and on the island, that's why Pan tolerated you. He knew how much you were valuable for them. 

You appreciated every boy. You understood their histories, their traumas. After all, there was indeed an reason why they were living here. The only one who didn't break his shell was Felix. Each time you tried talking to him, or even tried to take care of his wounds, he would yell at you and push you away. 

One time he even tried to raise an hand on you, and Devin slammed him against the ground before he could do anything. After some times, you realised Felix was just an horrible being. He loved to kill and hurt people. That's all he was doing. 

You sighed as you finished putting the boys clothes on a line between two trees near a small hill, it was getting pretty late but you were certain of making back to the camp safely. You took the wooden basket and turned around only to face a pointy sword. You gasped as you saw the captain Hook, the infamous pirate who often sailed his ship around the island. You didn't understand why Pan let him walking around, he was after all a serious threat. 

You started to get nervous as more pirates showed up. You only encountered Hook and his crew a couple of times, usually when he was making deals with Peter Pan. 

"Hello." You breathed out with a shaking voice as you tried to back away. 

"Always so polite… I wonder why you didn't turn like every boy on this island… dirty and mouth full of bad words." 

"What do you want Hook?" You asked. 

He snickered as he put down his sword. As you backed away to the tree, he leant next to you. It made you incredibly uneasy and you cursed your short height. 

"What I want? I want you to follow me, so I can finally lay a trap for Pan and kill him." 

He was so close and you gagged at what he just said. There was no way you could escape him. Maybe if you gained more times, the boys will start looking for you. 

"What makes you think Pan will come to save me?" 

"Well, you are his precious diamond, a jewel from Neverland. I am pretty sure he would come running after you because you're like… his second in command." 

"I am not Felix." 

"I know you are easier to capture and you won't put a fit when we get you." He replied. 

"Say that again!" A voice yelled from behind the wet laundry. 

You didn't understand what was happening but someone tackled you down and suddenly, you were both rolling across the hill. The rocks and branches were slicing your clothes and skin. 

Then, you stopped at a rocky area and you released a breath. Someone was laying in top of you and you could only see a dirty head full of blond tangled hair laying on your chest. You didn't have time to think after hearing a crack beneath you and you both fell into a small cave with a scream.

Your back was hurting you but after a quick check, you didn't have anything broken. You would just have huge bruises for a few weeks. The person was still laying on you and you pushed him off you when you realised who it was. The boy fell next to you with a groan.

"Felix! What… How? Why did you do that?!" 

"A thank you would have suffice you know?" He stated, sitting against the wall. "If it was not for me, you would be captured by Hook and we will have to come rescue you, which is a waste of time." 

"Why are you so mean?" You hissed. "You are always..  being an ass with everyone except Pan! What, are you in love with him or something?"

He huffed and glared at you from the other side or the cave. It was rather small and there was a huge hole above the both of you. You wondered if there was any way to climb there and go back to camp.  You touched the rocks and realised it was too much slippery for you to climb on. 

"We're trapped here you idiot." 

"I am not an idiot!" You hissed at the blond haired boy.

"Look at that, she has fire after all. I always thought you were a weak girl." 

"Shut up." You growled, understanding there was no way you could leave. 

The boys would notice your absence. They always do. You hoped they would come quickly, you didn't want to spend the night with Felix, all alone. You didn't know what he was thinking and it made you uneasy. You didn't know him well but you knew a lot to know that he was never messing around. 

You could see the bright moon, and the stars were shining brightly. A typical night in Neverland. It was never hot, never cold. It was a mystery, and you were pretty sure it was because of Pan and his magic. Once he got pretty mad when the pirates took some lost boys hostages and it was the first time you saw a storm on the island. It was incredible. 

You felt something hitting you at your leg and you frowned. When you realised it was coming from Felix, who was throwing little rocks at you, you took a bigger one and hit him straight in the face. He howled in pain, clutching his cheek. It was a little bruised but nothing too serious. Last thing you needed was to take care of him. You always hated to care for the blond haired boy when he was injured or sick. 

"You bitch!"

"You asshole." You hissed back, clearly showing your disdain for him. "You started it!" 

"I was bored." 

"See, that's why no one likes you Felix. You always hurt people!" 

He stared at you for a second and you grew worried. It was a mortifying glance, his hard cold eyes were glued on yours. You then instantly regretted saying this to him, knowing well he could kill you just by squeezing your throat. You gulped, awaiting for an aggressive reply but it didn't came. Surprisingly, he mumbled something else.

"That's the only way I know to speak to people." 

At that moment, you didn't see any old teenager but a little boy. You didn't know how to feel or how to act. It was a first one for you, he never showed this vulnerable side of him. As much as you wanted to mock him (because he clearly deserved for all the things he did to you and the boys), you didn't. Instead, you looked at him sadly, hoping to learn more. 

"I don't want you to pity me like you do with the other boys." 

"I never do that. You're free to speak or not. You may be an ass but I am sure there is something under this thick shell of yours." You said, offering the tall boy a smile.

He huffed and jerked his head to the side, ignoring you and your weak attempts to let him open to you. You heard him mumbling to himself, you were pretty sure it was something about you. You sighed and decided to close your eyes. All those troubles made you pretty sleepy and you slowly fell into a deep slumber.

You woke up with a start, feeling something next on you. You turned your head and realised it was Felix. You wondered why he was there. He was close enough for you to hear him breathing and you knew he wasn't sleeping. Then you realised that's the heavy thing on you was just his cloak and you were… a little surprised by that. Still it was a step in your direction so you decided to not say something about it. You raises your head and realised you were still both trapped in the hole. Why those boys are taking that long to get you both out of here?

"Go back to sleep." He told you.

"The boys aren't still there?" You asked softly, knowing already the answer.

"Apparently not or else you would be sleeping in your bed." 

It was weird and you hoped they will find you two quickly. You resisted the urge to cuddle next to Felix and turned to not face him. It would have been pretty embarrassing if you had started doing that. You knew some boys enjoyed it but not cold hard Felix. 

"Can I ask you a question?" 

"Hm. Yeah. Of course. But quick, I really want to sleep." You replied with a yawn.

"What… Ugh, I am so bad at this." He groaned. "I just wondered why you hated me so much." 

"I strongly dislike you." You corrected him. "Because you're always so mean, and hard with everyone. You are always after someone, beating them up physically or morally. I don't know why Pan favourites you. To be honest, you are a pretty shitty person. You're an ass." 

You heard him shift and you resisted again to turn and cuddle the poor boy. You hated doing that but somehow you felt good to reveal to him what was your opinion on him. 

"But… I can't blame you. I mean… You must have a pretty good reason to be like that. Pan did take you on Neverland, and I don't think it was because you were strong" You stopped talking, closing your eyes and taking a deep breath. "I… I hear you sometimes when you're asleep."

"What do you mean?" 

"Once you were screaming. You don't probably remember it but it woke me up. It woke all of us. Pan made the boys swore to not tell what happened. Felix, for God's sake, you were sobbing and I didn't know what to do. You looked so unstable, you tried to kill me!" 

Felix stayed silent for a moment and you wishes to not have bring up that. 

"I was dreaming about my past." He whispered. "That's why I don't like sleeping."

You didn't know what to say next and you thought he was going to say more. He didn't tho and you had to admit you were a little disappointed by that. You didn't pressure him to speak more and decided to sleep again. 

The next morning, the cloak was ripped out of your body and you gasped. Your hair was a mess but it was not the matter right now. Felix was looking down at you, having that mean glaze in his eyes. You frowned not understanding what was going on. You heard all kind of voices and wondered what was happening.

"The boys are here." The second in command said simply, climbing up a rope.

You quickly followed behind and when you touched the ground above, the boys welcomed you back with a giant hug. You laughed at their antics but still was focused on Felix and his next moves: he regained his actual composure and urged everyone to go back to camp.

You hoped that what happened that last night will make him think of his behaviour with the others. He couldn't just keep everything to himself, but you knew he wouldn't start to share what was on his mind with the others and you. He had too much pride. 

That night, you didn't expect him to enter your tent. You were just about to go to sleep, starting to brush your hair, freeing it from any tangles. You were facing the entrance but immediately recognized him. You stood up from your seat and asking him what did he wanted. 

"I just…" He mumbled, not looking at you. "Thank you." 

"For what?" You asked, a little confused.

"I don't know, I just felt the need to tell you this." 

You smiled genuinely at him, approached and stood on your tiptoes. You kissed his cheek, near his scar and you instantly felt his skin heating up. You giggled as his face went red and he pulled his hood, trying to hide himself.

He was speechless, not able to form a single sentence. He was stuttering so much words at one it was hard to understand him. It was honestly cute. 

"I…" He started. "I have to go on my patrol." He quickly said.

"Have a good night Felix." You replied, staring at him. "Don't get yourself killed." 

He darted out of your tent and you swirled around before falling on your bed with a giggle. You didn't know why, but… something was changing in you. You smiled to yourself like an idiot before slipping under your covers and falling fast asleep. 

#ouat felix #felix ouat #felix ouat imagine #felix ouat x reader #ouat imagine

[angstyaches]

Charlie’s Hoodie

Alright, so here’s the first fic where Shayne is living in the Aldridge townhouse with Elliott and Felix (and Nancy and Ryan), which is in a city about three hours away from where Charlie is still living (Mulberry). This is about two days into his stay. It’s a slow-burner and very Angsty. I hope you guys enjoy!

CW; stomach ache from stress, emeto, anxiety, food mention, refusal of food, parental death mention, abusive guardian mention

Swallow the World: Three Boys in a Townhouse

He was supposed to be studying at his brand-new desk in the corner of his brand-new room in the Aldridge townhouse, but Shayne couldn’t recall how long he’d just been sitting there, hands in his lap, nails digging into his palms. It would have been a great time to get some thinking done, if thinking didn’t make his stomach ache.

He’d had a dream that morning, after falling asleep for about twenty minutes between nine and nine-thirty – probably the most sleep he’d had since arriving at the townhouse – and had woken up thinking he was with Charlie, in Charlie’s bed, in the Mulberry house. 

Remembering where he was, how far away he was, felt like a hand reaching down his throat and squeezing everything it could grab. The room had felt cold after that, not that he could do anything about it; it had a radiator, but he’d never learned how to use one. 

He’d pulled on the hoodie Charlie had given him; reluctantly, as the more he wore it, the more it smelled like him and not Charlie.

Thinking about Charlie came with its own stages. The first one was easiest to deal with because it crept in like a warm memory, or a dream. 

A second later would come the rug-pulling moment, as horrible words and disinterested looks would wash through the memory, turning it grey and making the Charlie in his head turn coldly away from him. 

The bargaining stage would come next, and Shayne would wonder if he could fix this still; and then he would remember that Charlie needed Charlie Two more than he needed him, and Shayne was a danger to Charlie Two. Plus, Charlie and his parents would be moving soon anyway.

And he would tell himself this was good, this was the best thing, for him to be here with the Aldridges, but at that point he’d be overwhelmed by the gurgling in his belly and he’d have to stop himself from thinking altogether.

A knock at the door made him jump, and the sound of a particular voice made him wince.

“Hello?”

More time must have passed than Shayne realised though, otherwise Felix wouldn’t be coming into his room to look for him. Shayne gulped and turned his desk chair to the side to see him tiptoe inside.

“Nancy and Ryan are all settled in,” Felix said gently, hanging back, halfway hidden behind the door. “They should be ready for dinner in about ten minutes, if you want to come wait downstairs with us.”

Shayne gulped again. He’d known he’d be meeting with Ryan and Nancy – who were technically his new guardians now – that evening, but he hadn’t thought about the fact that there would be food, and blood, involved. 

He’d managed to fight his nausea until now, but the thought of having to perform and force food down made his stomach feel like it wanted out of him, right there and then.

“Hey.” Felix stepped further into the room and closed the door behind him, leaning back on it with his hands. “You look a bit washed out. Are you feeling okay?”

Shayne frowned, a painful kind of relief flooding his chest as Felix visibly stiffened.

“You know, it’s – it’s normal to not feel like yourself after leaving home,” Felix said, clearing his throat. “It was a long time ago, but I remember my first few days here, when it was all new and I started realising it was my new life.”

Shayne lowered his gaze again, and heard Felix sigh lightly. The mint-haired boy shifted his feet, like he’d been about to come closer, but hesitated. Like he was nervous. Scared. Good, Shayne thought, turning his chair gently. He’d be happier knowing Felix was scared of him; anything was better than being felt sorry for.

Felix gave a low hum. “I felt sick to my stomach all the time, too.”

Shayne hadn’t even realised he’d put a hand on his stomach until he saw Felix’s eyes dart downward. His instinct was to move it away, and he did for a few seconds before he realised it was pointless. He let the hand rest on his belly again, keeping his eyes pinned on the pale wooden floorboards.

“Though for me, it was because of the blood,” Felix chuckled. His voice seemed to get higher in pitch, the more he talked. “It took me a long time to get used to it. Eventually they just had to start slipping it into my tea… Though, I – I guess this isn’t about that.”

Shayne’s stomach took a harsh dive towards the floor, and he had to tense his fingers even more just to keep control of the nausea. If the colour had drained from his face, Felix might not have noticed, or at least didn’t comment on it.

“I was already half-blooded when I got here,” Felix went on, “so I felt like I was bonded to Ryan before I even met her. Not – not that you have to worry about that. You’re practically family already, right?”

Shayne frowned and bit his lip against arguing; Felix was just trying to be nice, and possibly didn’t know anything about the Devines. But paperwork didn’t mean family. Hours clocked under someone’s roof didn’t mean family. Leaving someone in a bad situation didn’t mean family.

“I understand it’s not the same though,” Felix said. “I also had Elli when I came here, so it - it must feel weird, being here without your friend.”

The fact that he’d said ‘friend’ singular, and not ‘friends’ in general, meant that he was talking specifically about Charlie. The name hit as hard as though it had actually been said. Shayne breathed deeply as he felt his stomach churn against his hand.

“You want to talk about it?”

The natural thing for Shayne would have been to make some defensive remark, but he didn’t even want to open his mouth just then. He swallowed thickly and gave a sharp shake of his head. No, he absolutely did not want to talk about anything. How long did he have to sit here in silence before Felix fucked off?

“Buddy, you’re feeling really sick, huh?” Felix’s eyes softened when Shayne looked up at them again. “Hey, I’m positive Nancy and Ryan won’t mind if you take one more evening to rest. They’re reasonable ladies. Most of the time.”

Shayne was suddenly reminded of the heart-lifting relief of being told, as a kid and before his real parents had died, that he could stay home from school if he was feeling too sick. After that, Madelyn and Watson had always decided, on their terms, whether or not he could stay in bed. He felt the admission of weakness burning hot behind his eyes, but decided it would be worth it if he could just go to bed and try to forget the sick feeling in his stomach.

“I’ll say something to them, if you like.”

“You don’t have to,” Shayne mumbled. He cringed at hearing himself automatically try to reject the help that Felix was offering.

But Felix just flashed his little fangs again. “That doesn’t usually stop me. Look – I don’t know. If you’re up for it later, I can come back. We can talk, or – or we can move to my and Elli’s room and just watch T.V. Whatever you feel like.”

Shayne faintly shook his head, barely considering the offer. Guilt clung in the back of his throat, like his words were echoing inside him before he’d even said them. “Just leave me alone, Felix.”

Felix turned his head to stare at the floor too, so silent that he might have stopped breathing altogether. “Sure,” he chirped after a few seconds. “If – if that’s what you want.”

Shayne waited for Felix to leave before lying down on top of the blankets. He spent a few minutes like that, muscles clenched but not quite shivering from the cold, before finally getting into the bed.

He lay on his front and closed his eyes, trying not to let his thoughts wander any further from the four walls surrounding him. It worked, in a way, but then he just found himself wishing Charlie was inside those walls with him, and that was beside the point.

He tried listing the history topics he’d been supposed to revise that afternoon, imagining bullet points in his head until it all spun together and made him feel nauseous again. He told himself thank god he hadn’t had to go to that dinner, told himself to remember to thank Felix later, and apologise for being short with him. He had to be careful, now that he knew how badly it hurt when he messed up his relationships.

Restlessness and queasiness drove him out of bed again, and he dragged himself to the small ensuite bathroom attached to his room. The mirror showed him exactly how awful he looked, and it was no wonder Felix had offered to get him out of going to dinner. 

The dark circles under his eyes were deeper than usual, probably since he’d barely slept since the night at Mulberry, the night with Charlie, the night before the kiss, the night before he’d said those awful things –

No, no, no. 

He ran cold water over his hands at the sink, ignoring how they shook, and took a few sips from his palm. Small sips, barely enough to wet his lips, for fear of how the cold liquid would feel on the way down. 

Oh, but Charlie would make him drink, wouldn’t he? Charlie would be upset if he knew Shayne had barely had anything to eat or drink in so many days, he’d look so sad – if he even cared at all anymore, after hearing what Shayne had said to Elliott about him.

No...

Shayne clutched the edge of the sink in shock as he gagged, keeping his mouth clamped shut and closing his eyes. His legs had turned to mush all of a sudden, and he felt like he might sink through the floor. He shakily eased himself closer to the toilet, only letting go of the sink when he could put his hands on the cistern instead. 

He retched over and over again, until he managed to choke up a pitiful spatter of bile and acid. He lowered himself gradually so that he was kneeling down on the tiles, shaking and quietly sobbing and wishing for his friend.

___

Felix once again knocked before coming in. Shayne was still retching emptily when he found him. His stomach had emptied, and his throat had dried so quickly that it now just felt like fists clamping around his insides.

“Hey,” Felix said with an air of urgency. “Oh, gosh, is – is it alright for me to be here, Shayne? Do you need to be by yourself?”

Shayne’s chin trembled as he gasped to catch his breath. He wanted to speak, but his tongue was too heavy in his mouth, and all he could manage was a low whimper. He laid a hand on the floor next to him, fingers reaching weakly in Felix’s direction.

“Alright, I’m here.”

He felt Felix’s hand rest lightly on his shoulder, almost like he had feathers instead of bones. Shayne shivered at being touched, though he couldn’t tell for sure if it repulsed him or not because his body was too busy fighting the nausea.

“Relax, bud, I don’t think there’s anything for you to bring up,” Felix said softly. “Try to catch your breath, okay?”

When he finally got his breathing under control and the retching slowed, Shayne turned towards Felix, eyes glassy and pinned to the ground. The smaller boy helped him up from the floor and guided him back through to the bed, pulling back the blankets for him with one hand.

“Doing okay?” Felix asked softly as Shayne sat down.

“Mmhmm,” he replied. He didn’t feel overwhelmed with nausea anymore, but his belly was aching horribly, muscles tense from the dry heaving.

Felix slid onto the end of the bed and pulled his legs underneath himself. He sat and watched Shayne carefully from there. Like a puppy. Shayne slowly eased himself under the blankets, careful not to jostle Felix or himself too much. His voice was hoarse from coughing up acid, and he couldn’t bring himself to clear his throat. He leaned his back against the headrest.

“How was – how was the dinner thing?”

“Aw, bud, you probably don’t want to hear me going on about food right now,” Felix said. His eyes brightened. “But Nancy and Ryan weren’t mad, if that’s what you were worried about. They said to tell you not to worry, and they’ll see you sometime tomorrow.”

Shayne pulled at the sleeves of Charlie’s hoodie, covering his wrists and the palms of his hands. He felt Felix follow his gaze towards the thick red fabric.

“I was thinking, and – when I mentioned Charlie earlier, I hope I wasn’t overstepping or anything.” Felix was starting to sound nervous again. “I have a tendency to do that, and it can be a tad overwhelming for some people.”

Shayne bit the inside of his lip. He felt a gurgle begin in his stomach before it sounded off, and he let out a little whine alongside it.

“Sorry,” he mumbled, realising Felix must have heard it too.

“Aw, buddy, it’s fine. Look; see if you can drink some of that.”

Shayne spotted the steaming teacup next to the bed. He had a vision of Charlie bringing him tea in bed, and had to suddenly blink back tears as he looked at Felix.

“It’s just ginger tea.” Felix’s eyes widened. He frowned and played with his own hands. “I know I said earlier they used to hide blood in my tea, but it’s not – it’s not spiked or anything.”

“No, I – thank you.” Shayne reached carefully for the tea and hoping his stupid shaky hands weren’t about to spill it all over the sheets. He gulped hard, willing his breath to become steady, his eyes to become dry. “F-for coming back, too. Um, seriously.”

“Hey, it’s nothing,” Felix muttered, averting his gaze as he blushed.

Shayne let the mug rest in one hand for a few seconds, while he pressed the cuff of Charlie’s hoodie against his eyes. The sleeve brushed across his cheeks, and his head spun for a second with that familiar scent. Fuck. He screwed his eyes shut for a second before lifting his face and trying to focus on the tea, on Felix, on things that were warm.

“If you still don’t feel like talking,” Felix said slowly, “I – I thought, maybe, I’d tell you how I became an Aldridge, if Elliott hasn’t already told you.”

“He hasn’t,” Shayne admitted shakily. “I, uh, didn’t, um, didn’t even know your name until you told me yourself.”

“Are you serious?” Felix pressed a hand to his head. “Gosh, I would have made a much grander introduction for myself if I had known that.”

Shayne shook his head; with the state he’d been in when they’d first met, he was relieved Felix hadn’t tried anything more extravagant. He tentatively wrapped both hands around the mug, ignoring the handle, grateful for the warmth.

“I could have had five hot guys jump out and unzip their jackets to reveal t-shirts that spelled out F-E-L-I-X.” Felix bounced a fist against his knee. “Gosh, wasted opportunity is like – is like sashimi without soy sauce, you know what I mean?”

Shayne gave Felix a look over the rim of his mug, a look that hopefully conveyed that he had absolutely no idea what he meant. He took a slow sip, and although it was a little too hot for his tongue, his whole body seemed to thaw a bit as the heat curled down through him.

“Never mind,” Felix laughed. “Okay, well, let’s see – I guess the first thing you should know is that my name wasn’t always Felix. Only Elliott knows my real name, and it’s important that it stays that way. I’m not even sure Ryan and Nancy know I ever changed it.”

“What?” Shayne muttered as he blew gently on his tea. His stomach gave a low growl, though this time it wasn’t voicing nausea, but its anticipation of more of the warm, comforting drink. “Were you running from the law?”

“Not at the start,” Felix said, leaning back a little as he got comfortable. “I was a bit like you, actually. I was running away from home.”

#swallow the world #three boys in a townhouse #shayne #felix #sick shayne #caretaker felix #sickfic #emeto sickfic #anxiety sickfic #emotional sickness #emotional emeto #emeto boys #sickfic boys #my ocs #upset stomach #stomach ache fic #stress stomach ache fic #stress stomach ache

[dweetwise]

day 18: panic attacks

prompt from: whumptober pairing: felix x ace notes: fluffy angst, idk if this even qualifies as whump but it’s what i went with <3 warnings: panic attack descriptions word count: 1920

Ace is having a rather good day, all things considered. He finishes his second generator of the trial while Feng is still doing a phenomenal job at being chased by the killer, and he even has time to stop and search a chest in good conscience.

He picks up a broken key with a worn brass token, which isn’t ideal but he’ll add it to his ever growing pile of junk back at camp anyway.

In the time it takes him to find a generator, the Nurse has finally managed to down and hook Feng, but someone saves her right after and the chase beings anew. Ace would guess the rescuer was David and that he used borrowed time to make sure the gamer made it out, since he can’t see Felix being stupid bold enough to unhook in the killer’s face like that.

With the Nurse’s distant screeches providing some pleasant background noise—considering it’s not Ace she’s chasing—he gets to work on a nearly completed generator by one of the exits. If he finishes it before the killer comes to check, it marks their fourth completed objective of the trial, and it looks like they’ll have an easy escape provided she doesn’t have the obnoxious totem perk to ensure an instant down after the gates are powered.

At first, Ace doesn’t question why someone would have abandoned the nearly completed machine, but just before he connects the last two wires, he hesitates. Will this be the last generator on this side of the map? Maybe someone wanted to leave it because it’s by an exit?

He gets up to look around a bit, trying to spot any other nearby generators, but then he hears it.

A sob.

Ace frowns in worry and keeps looking around, not seeing any signs of life. Did he imagine it? Feng is the only one injured, and her moans of pain can be heard from halfway across the map. The girl is a lot of things, but quiet sure as hell isn’t one of them.

He remembers the key in his pocket, a normally useless item with an underwhelming add-on that will allow him to see his nearby teammates for only a couple of seconds. But right now, it’s exactly what he needs, and as he channels the item, he eventually makes out a human form cowering in the corner next to the exit gate.

The key’s power dies out but Ace doesn’t care, carefully approaching his distressed teammate.

He should have guessed who he’s going to find just by basic deduction, as Feng is still keeping the Nurse busy somewhere in the Asylum and David is one to push forward through sheer stubbornness. It still takes him by surprise to notice Felix, normally so calm and collected, huddled in on himself with his knees drawn close to his chest and his head buried in his hands.

Ace suddenly feels very out of place, and he realizes he could just slowly back away and Felix probably wouldn’t even know he was ever there.

But Felix doesn’t seem to be just taking a mental break from the trial, he looks to be struggling. His entire body is trembling and he’s taking sharp, wheezy breaths, bordering on hyperventilating.

And Ace might not be the best at offering comfort, but he sure as hell is going to try.

“Hey,” he offers softly as not to spook Felix, but from the way Felix’s head snaps up in surprise, he’s not successful. Shit, he’s never seen the guy so upset, looking utterly broken with tears and snot running down his face and taking short, shaky breaths. It make’s Ace’s cold, selfish heart clench in sympathy and he slowly kneels down on Felix’s level, far enough away to hopefully not feel like he’s cornering him. “How you holding up?”

That’s probably the dumbest thing he could have asked, but at least it makes Felix react, quickly wiping at his face and averting his eyes.

“F-fine, sorry—” Felix starts, but then his trembling voice breaks on another sob and he hides his face behind his hand in shame as another wave of what Ace assumes to be a panic attack hits.

Ace has never been good at dealing with emotions, his or others’, but he’s learned a lot after being swept up by the Entity and trying to keep everyone in their little group happy and healthy. He knows that Dwight needs to be held when his anxiety surfaces, and although that position is usually reserved for Jake, Ace has been the body for Dwight to cling to on a few occasions when others were unavailable. On the other hand, when something triggers Quentin’s PTSD, the boy wants nothing more than to be left alone, and even the smallest touch will send him spiraling deeper into his own head.

“It’s alright,” Ace says, trying to keep his voice calm and even offering an encouraging smile. “We’ve all been there.”

That seems to calm Felix down some, so Ace optimistically deduces that maybe his presence does help after all.

This is a vastly different situation from Dwight or Quentin, though. Where Ace mostly sees himself as a somewhat shitty parental figure to the boys, he’s been openly flirting with Felix ever since the other got here. And despite Felix sometimes awkwardly flirting back, he fully expected their relationship to stay at the casual friendship level.

But this is huge step, and if Ace manages to comfort him without hiding behind shitty jokes and Felix allows himself to be vulnerable, maybe that’s a sign they could eventually be something more.

“Just say the word and I’ll be on my way,” Ace starts. “But I also have a pretty good shoulder to lean on, if that’s something you think might help.”

Felix glances at him and Ace tries to keep the smile on his face despite his own nerves surfacing and mixing with the worry for Felix already there.

“Are you sure?” Felix asks, voice nowhere near steady but at least being able to form a complete sentence.

“Of course!” Ace reassures without even knowing which option Felix is referring to.

And then Felix looks back at the ground and curls in on himself further and Ace tries not to be disappointed. He’s already moving to get up, an apology ready on his tongue, when Felix shuffles along the exit gate wall to make room for Ace to join him.

The grin that forms on his face might not be the most appropriate considering the circumstances, but Felix doesn’t protest, in fact he immediately buries his face against Ace’s shoulder and clasps his arm in a death grip as soon as he takes a seat next to him.

Felix takes shallow breaths against him and Ace doesn’t care that his shirt is getting stained with wet tears and snot, suddenly hit with how intimate the entire situation is. His own nerves resurface and his free hand hovers awkwardly in the air, not sure if it’s appropriate to touch the distressed man.

But in the end, he’s a gambler, and so he gambles, placing a hesitant hand in Felix’s hair as he remembers the other is usually messing with it when he’s nervous.

When the only reaction he gets is Felix gripping his arm tighter, he carefully starts running his hand through the locks, slightly disheveled from where Felix has no doubt been doing the same.

“It’s okay,” Ace says, trying to keep his voice steady and hoping Felix can’t hear his heart hammering in his chest. “You’re okay.”

“I’m going to get crows,” Felix chokes out through the tears.

“Doesn’t matter,” Ace reassures, discreetly looking up to try to spot the birds that should already be circling above Felix’s head. “Feng and David are keeping her busy. She’s got no reason to come here.”

Ace frowns as he realizes can neither see nor hear the Entity’s spies, despite knowing their captor’s rules clearly state the birds should be giving away their location by now.

The key sits heavy in his pocket and he suddenly realizes maybe the Entity wanted him to find Felix. Regardless of how Ace feels about the otherworldly being, he knows it’s not satisfied unless the trial has been what it considers “fair”. Maybe it’s giving them a time-out until Felix is in shape to continue, and maybe that’s why Feng still hasn’t been caught, despite being injured against one of the strongest killers.

“Seems like the crows are on their lunch break,” Ace voices his observation in hopes of reassuring Felix. “We’ve got all the time in the world.”

Not surprisingly, the knowledge that he’s not on a time limit seems to calm Felix down some, and the grip on Ace’s arm loosens as the sharp breaths slowly turn into more deliberate ones.

“That’s it, deep breaths,” Ace murmurs and keeps petting Felix’s hair since it seems to be working, or at least not making the situation worse. “You’re going to be fine.”

He has no idea how long they sit there together, with Felix slowly coming back to himself and Ace offering generic encouraging sentiments he hopes are somewhat helpful, lost in their own little bubble while the trial carries on without them.

When Felix eventually pulls away, Ace feels disappointed, even if he finally gets some much needed blood flow to his arm that has fallen asleep a while ago.

“Fuck,” Felix sighs and leans his head back against the tiled wall with a dull ‘thud’. “I’m sorry you had to see that.”

“I’m not,” Ace offers with a small grin. “But I’m sorry you had to go through that.”

“I didn’t expect one in the middle of a trial,” Felix says, letting Ace is on the fact that this wasn’t a one-off. “Thank you. You, um, helped. A lot,” Felix says bashfully, and Ace has to resist the urge to pull him back into his arms.

“Don’t mention it,” he says instead, and when Felix just gives him an adorable, tiny smile, can’t resist adding a cheeky “There’s a lot worse ways to spend a trial”.

“I’d say being a liability and making a complete fool of myself isn’t something I’m eager to repeat,” Felix mutters, but he’s still smiling, so Ace hopes he’s not still embarrassed.

“Honestly, I’m surprised I didn’t make the situation worse,” Ace jokes. “Or that my brain didn’t implode on itself from not making jokes or flirting for five minutes.”

“You were perfect,” Felix says so earnestly it takes Ace completely off guard, and he’s not blushing he’s just suddenly really warm okay— “I should get back to my generator,” Felix seems to remember, looking over Ace’s shoulder in the direction of the machine. “I’ve wasted enough of everyone’s time for today.”

“If there’s anything we have plenty of, it’s time,” Ace reassures, pushing himself off of the wall and ready to join the trial.

He offers a hand to help Felix up, and it makes him smile when Felix only hesitates for a split second before accepting the gesture.

“You know, we should do this more often,” Ace says with a grin as he pulls Felix up on his feet. “I mean, preferably without the panicking. I didn’t mind but it didn’t exactly look like you were having the time of your life.”

Felix huffs out a small laugh at the statement, and then he squeezes Ace’s hand that’s still clasped in his.

“I’d like that.”

#whumptober2020 #no.18 #panic attacks #dead by daylight #fic #riconti #dweetwrites #ace visconti #felix richter #dbd #prompt #felix x ace #dbd fanfic #mental illness cw

[miracul0us-multishipper]

Welcome to the Back (Part 1)

Next Chapter

@a-6-yearold-inside

A Felinette Fanfic where they never changed seats back after Chameleon, Adrien vs Felix in the next parts

- - -

Adrien was a good friend, if you asked him. Not that he had a lot of experience with friendship, but he’d read a lot about it. He could listen well. He could give advice. He was good at bringing out the best in people, at keeping the peace and harmony of the class. Madame Bustier didn’t call him sunshine boy for nothing!

So when Felix Leanne was announced to be their newest student, he figured he was the perfect candidate to welcome him to class. Sure, they hadn’t really gotten along when they’d last met, but maybe Felix had changed in the last year?

“Hi!”, he greeted as soon as he spotted the boy. “I’m Adrien Agreste. We’ve worked together last summer, remember?”

The older blond stilled and eyed him warily. His eyes were eerily colorless; a cool, distant grey. Adrien shivered a little.

“I do” Felix replied after a moment of silence. Then continued to walk towards class.

Struggling to keep up with his long, measured strides, he followed suit.

“You’ve never been to school either, right?” he tried again. “We’ll be in the same class! Madame Bustier is our home teacher, she’ll probably want you to make a short introduction. Do you want to get to know our classmates? I could introduce you!”

Felix kept his eyes straight ahead, his face was devoid of any emotion. Maybe he was shy? Surely, he’d open up sooner or later.

“That appears to be inevitable.”, was his brisk answer, confirming that the new student would need some time to warm up to them.

Alright then. He could do this!

When they entered the classroom, only a few students were already there. They looked up as soon as Felix walked in, his confident posture attracting attention even before he was fully inside.

“Hey, guys!”, Adrien greeted Nino and Alya, who already looked as if she had a million questions to ask their newbie. “This is Felix Leanne! He’s from Great Britain, we modeled together last year.”

Alya jumped up and held out her hand to him, all but squealing in excitement.

“I’m Alya Césaire, from the Ladyblog! I’ve read so much about you, you were the face of Leanne Fashion’s “Lucky Line”! The posters of you in that Ladybug tie were all over Paris!”

She shoved her phone in his face, probably displaying said ad.

“I’m so excited to meet you!”

Felix wrinkled his nose.

“Please take that out of my face.”

“Oh, right!”

“I’m Nino”, her boyfriend followed up, “Nice to meet you, dude! I’m sure you’re gonna love it here.”

One by one, the other students began to crowd around Felix, greeting him and asking about his life. The answers were short, matter-of-fact and a little bit annoyed if you paid enough attention. Chloé threw one look at him and apparently decided it was best not to mess with him.

“Lila’s going to be so happy to meet you!”, Rose said cheerily, catching Adrien’s attention again. She was directly next to Felix, no chance he might have missed that. “She told us all about you, from when she met you at that Fashion Show in London her parents sponsored.”

Felix frowned and opened his mouth, but Adrien beat him to it.

“Let’s not bother him with work details right now!”, he suggested a little too hastily, and probably an octave above his usual tone of voice. “He’s new to school after all, and I’m sure he hears enough about work at home!”

Felix looked at him with raised eye brows, but didn’t press the matter. Adrien sighed with relief. Another day of successfully keeping the peace of this class.

He looked around, searching for missing faces. Kim was sick with the flu, he wouldn’t come today. Sabrina was with Chloé as usual, Marinette was probably late again and Lila should be here any minute now.

As if on cue, the brunette Italian entered the room just as the other students began to go to their places again. With a winning smile and her usual, confident stride she headed for Felix.

“Oh, hello! You’re Felix Leanne, right? I’m Lila Rossi, I’m sort of new myself.”

The tall blond regarded her with hidden suspicion.

“Aha”

Her eyes roamed over his desk and spotted the thermos in his bag.

“I heard you’re from England!” she beamed. “I lived there for a while, my grandparents are famous for their rare teas. Maybe we could go for a cup after school? There’s not that many places where it’s as good as in Britain, but I happen to know one or two.”

The fact that she hadn’t mentioned any Fashion Show in London confirmed Adrien’s assumption that it had been another lie.

Felix eyed her for a moment, then sat down at the last table in the back.

“I hate tea.”, he deadpanned, before taking out the thermos and pouring him a cup of what was obviously coffee without breaking eye contact with Lila. Adrien swore he could see the gears in her head come to screeching halt.

“O-Oh? What a shame” she caught herself. “Then maybe we could-“

“Good Morning, class!”, Madame Bustier interrupted her attempts. Forced to retreat for now, Lila went to her seat next to him and Adrien followed with a nod. During the lesson she wouldn’t have the opportunity to make up another story, which meant for now, crisis was averted. No exposing Lila, no fights, no trouble. He smiled. Another day of perfect school time, just like he’d always imagined it!

He shouldn’t have been so sure of that. It started when Marinette arrived, just in time for saying “present” as Mme Bustier read her name. Since she’d been sitting in the back for a week now, she’d be Felix desk neighbor. He didn’t think anything of it, but Lila shot her a glare that could’ve been both a warning and a threat. Or maybe he’d misinterpreted it? Maybe she’d just been annoyed that Marinette was late again? Must be it.

Still, Madame Bustier didn’t get the chance to start her lesson when Lila stood up and raised her voice.

“Madame, Felix just arrived! He shouldn’t have to sit in the back by himself, does he?”

Adrien wanted to remind her that no, he wasn’t by himself, Marinette was there too, but remembered just in time the last time they had changed the seats. No, it wouldn’t help to speak up now.

Mme Bustier frowned.

“We only changed the seating order last week.”

Lila wasn’t that easy to shake off however.

“Oh, but you have all welcomed me so sweetly when I first arrived. I couldn’t live with myself if I wouldn’t do the same for Felix.”

She looked down.

“If it weren’t for my disability I’d switch with him myself, but...”

Felix coughed.

“I don’t-“

“Oh, we could go to the back!”, Alya volunteered, drowning out whatever Felix had wanted to say, and pulled Nino’s hand up with her. Lila smiled.

“Really? That’s so nice of you guys!”

“Actually-“ Felix tried again but Lila wasn’t done yet.

“Oh, but what about Marinette? We just unseated her last week, we shouldn’t do so again, right? Would you sit with Marinette in the back?”

“Sure!”, Alya beamed and patted Nino on the shoulder in comfort. “We sat together before, too!”

“I-“

“It’s no big deal, really!”

“Madame Bustier!”, Marinette called out of the blue, with enough force to make the entire class jump. Her hands were planted firmly on the desk and her face was grim. He shot her a concerned glance, trying to remind her of her promise. No exposing Lila.

“Yes, Marinette?” the young teacher answerd, looking startled.

“How about”, Marinette said slowly, locking eyes with Mme Bustier, “we offer Felix the chance I didn’t get the last time, and give him a say in this?”

Surprised, she nodded and looked at her latest student.

“O-Of course, yes. Where would you like to sit, Felix?”

The blond teenager sighed, frustrated.

“I am perfectly fine sitting in the back, thank you very much.”

-

Felix hated school. It was full, it was loud and people just wouldn’t leave him alone. He sighed, remembering the promise he’d made to his mother. She was still in England, but she’d called to make sure he was alright. She wanted him to have this experience, to meet other children and be normal, for a while. It was not like he didn’t appreciate her care! But he really, really wished she would’ve expressed it in other ways. Maybe take him along to one of her incentives or business trip. He was old enough to learn about the company he’d inherit, wasn’t he?

But if it made her happy, he’d try this... school life. He’d make an effort, learn something, and then go back to homeschooling. Preferably sooner than later.

“Present!”, yelled a voice next to him and he looked up. He hadn’t even noticed the girl sliding into the seat next to him, but now she was there. Late, obviously.

He hated unpunctuality.

She smiled at him when she noticed his stare and pushed her book over to him, showing him which page they were at. Otherwise, she didn’t try to interrogate him or make Smalltalk.

Huh. He could appreciate that.

Until that Lila-girl from earlier stood up, he was almost thinking this wouldn’t get so bad after all. But alas, his hopes were shattered once again.

Her repeated attempts at changing the seating were, to his surprise, not shut down by the red-haired teacher. Apparently, he had to get active himself. Great.

He coughed, trying to get their attention.

“I don’t-“

“Oh, we could go to the back!”, the Ladyblog girl, Alya, exclaimed enthusiastically. He blinked. She’d just cut him off. How disrespectful!

Shaking his head, he straightened his back. Maybe she just hadn’t heard him. No need to make a fuss just yet.

“Actually-“ he started again, before being interrupted once again, this time by Lila. His eye twitched.

One more time, he told himself, one more time trying to do it the peaceful way. For Mum. He could still walk out after that.

“I-“ really don’t need to sit in the front, he wanted to say, but his third try was as successful as the other two. He sighed, almost happy. He could go home, finally. Tell Mum he’d tried, but public schools just weren’t his forte. Too unprofessional. Too chaotic. Too...

“Madame Bustier!”, an energetic voice pulled him out of his resignation, just as he was about to pack his bag. It was his desk neighbor, Ms Unpunctual. Could that girl even talk in any volume other than “loud”?

“How about we give Felix the chance I didn’t get, the last time,” she said threateningly slow, and bit bitterly if he wasn’t wrong, “and give him a say in this?”

“Of course” the teacher agreed, apparently remembering that she was supposed to be the authority here. “Where would you like to sit, Felix?”

He sighed.

“I am perfectly fine with sitting in the back, thank you very much!”, he uttered a bit salty.

Lila, frustrated that she was ignored, sat down again and the rest of the class calmed as well.

“You didn’t have to do that”, he clarified to his neighbor as soon as the teacher had turned around. Better make clear that she couldn’t expect any favors or benefits from him. “I’m fully capable of speaking for myself.”

Usually. In a professional environment, at least. He hated having to raise his voice, and apparently, that was the only thing that worked on these savages.

But the girl surprised him yet again by simply shrugging.

“Yeah, I figured. But still.” She looked down, where Lila was currently draping herself all over Agreste. “It can be nice to know someone has your back.”

Maybe he’d imagined it, but she sounded a little bitter at that. He turned back to the teacher, but kept stealing glances at his pigtailed classmate.

He was no stranger to people, not like Agreste had been just a year ago. And other than the younger boy, he didn’t see them through rose colored lenses, and didn’t mind telling them off when they crossed a line. His young age and position as the heir and face of an international fashion empire made him a regular target for people that wanted to profit off of him - his sire included. He couldn’t afford to be as carefree as Adrien, who was constantly monitored by his own terror of a father.

Over the time, Felix had acquired a sixth sense for detecting warning signs of manipulators and people who used others for their own gain. He’d seen them in Lila Rossi, and he’d seen them in his father, but no matter how hard he focused, scrutinized or analyzed... he couldn’t find them in his mysterious classmate.

“I’m Felix”, he eventually whispered, half hoping she wouldn’t hear it. Yet her surprised smile failed to disappoint him, for some reason.

“I’m Marinette. Welcome to the back, I guess.”

- - -

To be continued

#miramu writes #welcome to the back #wttb #miraculous ladybug #mlb #marinette dupain cheng #adrien agreste #ml felix #felix leanne #felinette #felinette month #ml felinette #mlb fanfic #felinette fanfic

[archivefullofyoutubers]

Here’s Sean’s interview at Vidcon by the Telegraph

.

Why one of the world's biggest YouTubers fears for the future of online stars

With 23 million fans, Irish YouTuber Seán McLoughlin has made a fortune from his videos, but was brought to the brink by burnout.

Seán McLoughlin, better known by his YouTube moniker Jacksepticeye, feels like he is getting old.

At least that is next to the hundreds of teens that make up the crowd at London’s VidCon, a conference for YouTube stars and, increasingly, users of viral music video app TikTok.

“I’m 30 now. I’m basically dead,” he jokes, in his distinctive Irish accent.

The YouTube star, who has 23 million subscribers for his channel dedicated to gaming, has been on the streaming site since he was 22.  

Next to the very youngest YouTube and TikTok stars, many of them just in their early teens, McLoughlin is a veteran.

But his own experiences offer a sober reminder of the fickle nature of online fame – growing up, and maturing, under the watchful eye of millions of fans watching his videos billions of times.

“Some of these kids are getting huge followings,” McLoughlin says. “I just hope they use that to go in a good direction. It’s a slippery slope when you get all that attention at a young age. I was in my early 20s, and even then it was a scary thing. I can’t imagine what it’s like getting that at 16 or 18.”

https://twitter.com/Jack_Septic_Eye/status/1049757899696660481

Having made videos since 2012, McLoughlin is Ireland’s most popular YouTuber and has generated £12m in one year alone from his videos, according to Forbes. But having posted so much of his life online – not just multiple videos per day for years, but his relationships and personal life – McLoughlin is open about struggles with the website that made him and social media as a whole. When you meet McLoughlin you would hardly know. He is charming, laid back and warm with a soft accent of his native County Offaly. His mess of hair and short beard certainly do not fit the mould of the clean-cut YouTube star. McLoughlin is known by fans as Jacksepticeye, Jack being a common nickname for Seán in Ireland. The “septiceye”  part comes from a childhood joke after he was booted in the face while playing football, leading to an infected swollen eye – Jack septic eye. He took up YouTube in 2012, but only sprang to fame when, in 2013, his channel got a “shout out” from Felix Kjellberg, better known as PewDiePie – the Swedish YouTuber known for having the largest following online. From there McLoughlin’s channel has soared to millions of fans, combining a mix of video gaming “let’s play” videos – where viewers watch him commentate and play games – and other personal vlogs and diary entries. But this rise has not always been smooth. His friendship with Kjellberg led to scrutiny from fans and other YouTubers after Kjellberg was caught out using antisemetic slurs, passed off as jokes, in several of his videos. Kjellberg has repeatedly denied accusations of antisemitism. McLoughlin was critical of Kjellberg, but later backtracked saying he had not meant to appear to defend his detractors and “throw [Kjellberg] under a bus”. While he remains friends with the Swede, who lives near to McLoughlin, it was just one episode that stretched his relationship with YouTube. In 2018, McLoughlin posted an emotional video to his channel, saying he planned to take a break from his relentless uploading schedule of as many as two videos per day. “There’s times when I don’t even leave my house,” he told followers, “I don’t go outside day to day. My mental health has not been in the best place recently.”

https://twitter.com/Jack_Septic_Eye/status/1040025500087771136

YouTube burnout has become a common complaint among video makers. Working essentially solo, making and uploading multiple videos per day, constantly interacting with fans or dealing with abusive messages has led some YouTube stars to take extended breaks. When the website is how you make a living, not just for fun, it can be doubly draining. The risk of going offline means losing followers, and losing your coveted spots in YouTube’s mysterious ranking algorithm. “I used to do two videos a day for five and a half years,” he says. “I never missed a beat, never missed an upload. That eventually led to a kind of burning out. You kind of hit a wall.” Later in 2018, he also had to deal with the very public fallout of breaking up with his girlfriend of three years, fellow YouTuber Wiishu, real name Signe Hansen – and telling his fans. Two years later, McLoughlin seems in a better place. While he is still uploading at a similar rate to before, there is perhaps more of his life beyond the boundaries of YouTube. A series of charity fundraisers across his and other channels has raised $3m (£2.33m) in total for causes including bipolar disorder and mental health group Crisis Text Line. His videos have also offered tips to dealing with fears and anxiety, giving advice on seeking help. “You don't have to be broken to do therapy,” he said in another video. For YouTubers, who millions see as their digital friends, a particularly tough experience can be users reaching out who, themselves, are unhappy, depressed or even suicidal – and how to respond to that. “People message me very frequently asking me how I should deal with depression or suicidal thoughts,” he said in a 2017 video. “They should always be treated with seriousness... but I don’t know. I’m trying to learn as much as I can to help people going through these things. These are my best intentions... not 100pc what you should do.”

While McLoughlin is now in the senior cohort of YouTube stars. A new generation of online celebrities is emerging  and dealing with the same challenges he has gone through. TikTok, the viral video sharing social network has exploded in popularity with more than 500 million downloads, and is hugely popular with younger users under the age of 18. It is fun and irreverent in tone, but the fleeting fame offered by the short clips and sudden surge of popularity to users is not without question marks, particular due to its popularity with the youngest internet users. On the topic of social media, McLoughlin says there has been a kind of “curve where people got messed up with it for mental health reasons. People that I know in that age bracket are maybe starting to wean off it a bit more and starting to realise how damaging it can be. People don’t want people to know everything about them anymore.” Among the attendees at VidCon are those taking to TikTok in droves. “You’ll see probably 90pc of it is TikTok,” says McLoughlin. “Social media is for people who want to perform and now it’s like to perform for everyone all the time,” he says. “There are pros and cons to that. With TikTok it’s the same. They want people to know they exist. Some of it is cringey as hell, but I mean we are all cringey at some point. I am just glad I didn’t have social media when I was 16 because I would have uploaded some godawful stuff.” So is he outgrowing YouTube? Will he be on YouTube in years to come? “Yes, but probably not in the same capacity.” How so? “YouTube is my bread and butter. I absolutely love making videos and interacting with the audience in a way that no other media allows you… but I just don’t think I see myself uploading gaming videos every day in five years time.” Among these plans include a clothing brand and more experimental films and shorts on his channel. For the love of it, McLoughlin is still uploading. But perhaps the weight of the need to grow his fan base has lifted, which he now says is self-sustaining. He has a new relationship and a new outlook. YouTube is still central to his career and fame, but perhaps is no longer everything. “We can make all the money in the world,” he says, “but if you’re not happy doing it and you’re not having fun, then who cares?”

#jacksepticeye

[thenamesseven]

Decorating the practice room for Hyunjin's party might be a harder task than you thought it would be. It had to be there, it simply was the perfect location because it wouldn’t be too hard to come up with an excuse to bring Hyunjin there without him suspecting anything. But decorating the place with six guys -each one with their own idea and opinion- was being a nightmare. Don’t misunderstand, Stray Kids had really creative minds but some of their ideas simply were...Guys ideas.

“We could place all the presents here on this table” Minho proposed as we all looked around the practice room. His idea wasn't that bad honestly, kind of simple but nice and easy.

“It would look cooler if we made a pyramid with the presents” I.N muttered,thinking, robably imagining how his idea would look like. His idea was a bit more unstable than Minho's

“We won’t have too many presents though so the pyramid would look kind of shitty” Changbin gave his opinion for once after two hours and honestly, you all agreed with him.

“What if we hide them around and make him look for them?” Seungmin asked looking at you, directly. Honestly, his idea was nice and fun but there wasn’t too many space in the practice room to hide all his presents and that would make it kind of boring. "We can give him clues that we leave around and stuff"

“Yeah! You would be his last present!” Chan turned to me with a sweet smile

“Dude! That would be awesome!” Woojin joined  the conversation looking pretty excited by the idea. By the look they all had on their faces I knew it would be imposible to reject this idea.

“There’s not enough space in here to do present hunting” You said scratching the back part of your neck as you glanced around. You really liked that idea but it would be kind of impossible.

“Yeah, there’s not even enough places to hide the presents” Jisung stood next to you, his hands in his pockets as he looked around too. He was right, there were barely two places to hide stuff in. The closet and under the table.

“We could hide them around the building and the practice room could be the last destination” Felix proposed looking at the both of you. Glancing at Jisung you knew he kind of liked the idea so you simply nodded with a small smile on your face, giving in.

“Alright, I guess we could do that” All the guys smiled happily when you accepted their idea, some of them looked even more excited than you about the whole present hunting.

“Cool, we’ll take care of that, you and Jisung stick to decorating this”

------------------------------------------------------------------------

After some more time planning the decoration, the seven of you started cleaning the room. The practice room had looked cleaner than it was, actually, it had been a huge dust and trash mess. You made little teams, some of you cleaned the floor, some of the guys cleaned the windows and mirrors, some of them took off the dust around, everybody had their own chores to do.

Time passed really quickly and you got so lost in the cleaning that by the time you looked down at your watch, you realized you only had twenty minutes to get to your apartment, get a shower, dress up and head to a date with Hyunjin.

Guess what? Luck was never on your side.

Since you had gone to the studio walking, Chan had offered to drive you back to your place since Jisung and the rest of the guys were too busy napping on the floor absolutely wore out. You felt kind of bad for making them so tired by helping you but they had offered and insisted that you shouldn't do this on your own.

Once in the car, Chan and you started talking and discussing some little details about the party, such as, what kind of food should they get, at what time should somebody bring Hyunjin to the JYP building. He also informed you that some idols would be attending, they had all felt pretty excited when they found out Hyunjin didn't know anything about the party.

"Ah, Im going to be late for sure" You muttered worried, scratching the back part of your neck as you glanced down at your phone.

"You should tell Hyunjin you've been with Han" Chan said when he was finally able to move his car after been around 15 minutes stuck in the busy road. You were getting closer to your apartment but you just knew you wouldn't make it in time.

"Hyunjin is getting mad with us, I think he's getting really jealous" You confessed to the leader, kind of worried about Hyunjin's behaviour.

"He will be fine, he knows you and Jisung are really good friends" Chan tried comforting you, finally stopping the car and turning his head to look at you with a small smile "He will start suspecting things if you tell him you've been hanging out with me"

"You're right" With a soft sigh you opened the door, even though preparing the surprise party for Hyunjin was going to be totally worth it you sort of wanted it to end already. You hated lying to Hyunjin and making him upset. "Thanks for driving me Chan"

"It's alright" He smiled at you again, damn this guy was good at calming down your insecurities "Now run and try to get to that date on time"

Taking a shower, doing your make up and getting dressed in five minutes was a really difficult thing to do.

As soon as you had closed Chan's car door you started running towards your building, you weren't a very athletic person thanks to your lazy attitude so by the time you arrived to the stairs you were absolutely breathless. Running upstairs made your heart pound so hard against your chest that you thought you would have a heart attack right there if you, obviously, didn't broke your neck by going two steps at a time. By the time you got to your apartment you tossed your purse onto the table and rushed to your bedroom where you picked up some decent clothes for your date. The next thing to do was jump into the shower, which managed to relax your sore and tired muscles and after your it, the task of brushing your hair and getting dressed was easy but you were so exhausted that you didn't even feel like going out anymore. You weren't going to leave Hyunjin hanging though, that would be absolutely wrong.

However, when you reached your favorire pizza place and saw him sitting in there alone you knew that maybe, you should have cancel the date. You knew he hated when you didn't arrive on time, he made big efforts to make time for dates outside of his busy schedule and going outside when he was so famous was annoying and even dangerous for him if fans recognize him. This week since you've been dealing with your job, exams, the party and dates the only thing you've managed to do was to never arrive on time to your dates with him and you knew that was getting on Hyunjin's nerves.

You rushed inside the place, breathless once again as you made your way to his table. You walked up behind him and leaned down to kiss his cheek before sitting down on the chair across from his.

"Traffic was horrible" That was the lamest excuse ever used but you still preferred that one instead of mentioning you've been spending time with Jisung again. The last thing you wanted to cause is a fight between both friends.

"Yeah" It never was a good sign when Hyunjin replied with one word. He wasn't even looking at you, instead, his eyes busy were scanning the menu that you both knew by heart since most of your dates had been in this place.

"How was practice?" You asked trying to get a reaction from him.

Hyunjin shrugged and finally looked up at you "Hasn't Jisung told you?" Even though his tone was cold, Hyunjin's eyes looked sad, even scared. He must have seen the confusion on your face because before you could ask him what he was talking about he started speaking again "I started getting worried and I called him, he said you were helping him with something and that you would be here soon" Hyunjin sighed looking tired, his body leaning back against his chair lazily "Why does he need so much help from you? What are you teo doing?" His voice was implying some silent accusations you weren't liking at all.

Inside, you were panicking. What kind of excuse could you tell him this time? How would you get out of this one without Hyunjin finding out about everything? Seeing him so upset, so worried about you spending more time with one of his friends than with him made you want to tell him about the party so badly.

"Are we okay, (Y/N)?" You knew Hyunjin had wanted to sound cold, like he didn't care about it but his voice betrayed him sounding as weak as you were feeling right now.

"Of course we are! It's not what you think it is" You said frowning, reaching out to grab one of his hands and intertwining your fingers with his "Do you really think I would do something like that to you?"

"No" He replied quickly, you sighed with relief when you saw he didn't even need to think about the answer "But it feels like you...Are avoiding me, like you are hiding something"

"It's something Jisung trusted me with" You said out of nowhere not knowing that your vague reply would only make Hyunjin feel even worse "I promise you that I'll tell you soon, right now Im just helping him out with it okay?"

Your eyes met Hyunjin's and you could see how he was almost convinced but that there was still some disbelief, his stiff posture, the way he was holding your hand carelessly told you so.

After almost one minute in silence Hyunjin nodded "Alright, just tell me what has you two so distracted as soon as you can"

"I promise I will" You said again, he just needed to wait two more days to understand everything, all his insecurities will fade away as soon as he sees the party you have prepared for him. "Now give me a kiss? I really missed you"

With a small smile Hyunjin lifted his cap enough to lean foward and press his lips against yours in a soft kiss. The small gesture calmed both of you down, relaxed the tense atmosphere and let you change the subject into something different than what you were doing in your free time with Jisung.

Like always he started talking about practice and some new songs Chan had been working on recently. You told him about how busy you were getting with university and how difficult it was being for you to balance your job and studies but Hyunjin always supported you, telling you how capable you were of doing whatever you wanted with just a little effort.

Even when the date had started the wrong way, you felt pretty calm and relief when Hyunjin left you at your apartment, driving away after some sweet kisses and a lot of goodnights.

Little did you know that he was still mad not at you but at Jisung.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

The ride back to the dorms was quiet, after Hyunjin had left you by your place his anger and frustration came back overwhelming him. He had always trusted you blindly, you never gave him any reasons to not trust you but your behaviour these past few days had been odd and honestly, he didn't know what to think anymore.

Hyunjin was tired of getting excuses, what was Han doing that you were the only one who could know about it? Why wasn't she able to tell her own boyfriend about it?

All the secrets, all the lies and all the excuses had pushed him over the edge.

Hyunjin had never been a violent person, of course he had shouted and swore sometimes when he had fought with some of the guys but tonight he simply snapped, he had too many things in his mind and all his jealousy and insecurities were driving him mad.

That wasn't an excuse to push Jisung against the wall roughly as soon as he walked into the apartment though.

"What the hell is your problem?" Jisung said frowning, looking up at him. Woojin and Changbin who had been hanging out on the couch were standing up getting ready to separate both guys.

"You are my fucking problem" He pushed Jisung again, the other male getting already mad and pushing him back "What the hell are you doing with (Y/N)? Why are you spending so much time with her huh?"

Jisung was caught of guard, he had never expected Hyunjin to get so jealous of him for spending a little bit more time than he usually did with you.

"Tell me Jisung, I really want to believe her but you two are making this so difficult" He pinched the bridge of his nose mad, a headache would be appearing soon.

"Hyunjin drop it" Chan's stern voice stopped Hyunjin from pushing Jisung one more time, he was mad but Chan didn't have anything to do with it so he wasn't going to go against his leader and friend.

"Stop messing around with her Jisung, I swear to God" Hyunjin said while I.N held his wrist and carefully pulling him down the hall to get him out of there "Keep in your stupid mind that she is my girlfriend! Not yours"

Those were the last words Hyunjin could say before I.N. and Chan locked themselves inside the room with him in order to calm him down.

Jisung looked at Changbin and Woojin, running his fingers through his hair as he leaned back against the wall sighing.

"This party better be worth it" He whispered trying to calm down his pounding heart.

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