#lesbian existence

[cantsayidont]

April 28, 2008. Why "DYKES TO WATCH OUT FOR"? Alison Bechdel explains.

(Sort of jumping around here because even in a fit of self-reflection, Bechdel is easily distracted by the impulse to draw naked ladies.)

#comics #dykes to watch out for #alison bechdel #dtwof #lesbian existence #lesbian history #i love the way she draws herself

[farmerlesbian]

I'm going through and catching up on my readings and thought yall might appreciate this one! Some history and context around the term compulsory heterosexuality.

If you’re queer and on the internet, there’s a good chance you’ve heard of the term ‘compulsory heterosexuality,’ often shortened to ‘comphet.’ While academic and scholarly theories have often made their way into popular culture, this is especially true on the internet, particularly in spaces like Tumblr and now Tik Tok.  Today’s popular usage of the term compulsory heterosexuality has stemmed from several different sources, but there’s one source that stands out as being the most influential. The so-called “Am I a Lesbian?” masterdoc was first posted on Tumblr in early 2018, and since then has gone viral on that site and others, with copies frequently being posted and discussed on Twitter, Reddit, and Tik Tok. The 30-page document was created by a Tumblr user who was 19 at the time, and is essentially a checklist of sorts, or as the creator puts it, “a tool of self-reflection.” The document relies heavily on the theory of compulsory heterosexuality, reassuring readers that compulsory heterosexuality can cause women to feel like they are or should be attracted to men, but that uncovering who you really desire is the key to unlocking your identity. The document lays out the difference between actual attraction to men and the experience of compulsory heterosexuality, as well as listing many common signs that you may have been attracted to women in the past without realizing it.  Since the masterdoc was first posted, there has been a lot of controversy surrounding it, with many sharing how much it helped them figure out their identity (even Kehlani said it helped her realize she was a lesbian), and others critiquing it for ignoring bisexuality. I’m not interested in unpacking that controversy right now, in part because it would take all day and also because I don’t feel it’s necessary to pick apart the impromptu work of a teenager. Instead, I want to dig into the lexicon used in the document and explore the origin of this terminology. 

continue reading

#comp het #compulsory heterosexuality #lesbian #lesbian history #queer history #adrienne rich #am i a lesbian? #questioning #identity #links #lesbian existence #history #queer theory #i thought this was interesting and worth sharing! #what do u all think?

[scifisiren]

The queer longing for the tender mentorship of older women.

#lesbian existence #the Mortifying Ordeal of Being Known (Hopeful) #crying on the acupuncture table #because she massaged my upper back #and i felt bereft #BEREFT #of a community of older women to care for me when I need it #and I thought I was Mostly Fine when I walked in #to be touched with competence and care and understanding #this is now a luxury service in our Modern Times #and today I ache

[butchfalin]

the funniest meltdown ive ever had was in college when i got so overstimulated that i could Not speak, including over text. one of my friends was trying to talk me through it but i was solely using emojis because they were easier than trying to come up with words so he started using primarily emojis as well just to make things feel balanced. this was not the Most effective strategy... until. he tried to ask me "you okay?" but the way he chose to do that was by sending "👉🏼👌🏼❓" and i was so shocked by suddenly being asked if i was dtf that i was like WHAT???? WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME?????????? and thus was verbal again

#yeehaw #1k #5k #10k #posts that got cursed. blasted. im making these tag updates after... 19 hours? #also i have been told it should say speech loss bc nonverbal specifically refers to the permanent state. did not know that! #unfortunately i fear it is so far past containment that even if i edited it now it would do very little. but noted for future reference #edit 2: nvm enough ppl have come to rb it from me directly that i changed the wording a bit. hopefully this makes sense #also. in case anyone is curious. though i doubt anyone who is commenting these things will check the original tags #1) my friend did not do this on purpose in any way. it was not intended to distract me or to hit on me. im a lesbian hes a gay man. cmon now #he felt very bad about it afterwards. i thought it was hilarious but it was very embarrassed and apologetic #2) “why didn't he use 🫵🏼?” didn't exist yet. “why didn't he use 🆗?” dunno! we'd been using a lot of hand emojis. 👌🏼 is an ok sign #like it makes sense. it was just a silly mixup. also No i did not invent 👉🏼👌🏼 as a gesture meaning sex. do you live under a rock #3) nonspeaking episodes are a recurring thing in my life and have been since i was born. this is not a quirky one-time thing #it is a pervasive issue that is very frustrating to both myself and the people i am trying to communicate with. in which trying to speak is #extremely distressing and causes very genuine anguish. this post is not me making light of it it's just a funny thing that happened once #it's no different than if i post about a funny thing that happened in conjunction w a physical disability. it's just me talking abt my life #i don't mind character tags tho. those can be entertaining. i don't know what any of you are talking about #Except the ppl who have said this is pego/ryu or wang/xian. those people i understand and respect #if you use it as a writing prompt that's fine but send it to me. i want to see it #aaaand i think that's it. everyday im tempted to turn off rbs on it. it hasn't even been a week

[inkskinned]

the thing is that they're so fascinated by sex, they love sex, they can't imagine a world without sex - they need sex to sell things, they need sex to be part of their personality, they need sex to prove their power - but they hate sex. they are disgusted by it.

sex is the only thing that holds their attention, and it is also the thing that can never be discussed directly.

you can't tell a child the normal names for parts of their body, that's sexual in nature, because the body isn't a body, it's a vessel of sex. it doesn't matter that it's been proven in studies (over and over) that kids need to know the names of their genitals; that they internalize sexual shame at a very young age and know it's 'dirty' to have a body; that it overwhelmingly protects children for them to have the correct words to communicate with. what matters is that they're sexual organs. what matters is that it freaks them out to think about kids having body parts - which only exist in the context of sex.

it's gross to talk about a period or how to check for cancer in a testicle or breast. that is nasty, illicit. there will be no pain meds for harsh medical procedures, just because they feature a cervix.

but they will put out an ad of you scantily-clad. you will sell their cars for them, because you have abs, a body. you will drip sex. you will ooze it, like a goo. like you were put on this planet to secrete wealth into their open palms.

they will hit you with that same palm. it will be disgusting that you like leather or leashes, but they will put their movie characters in leather and latex. it will be wrong of you to want sexual freedom, but they will mark their success in the number of people they bed.

they will crow that it's inappropriate for children so there will be no lessons on how to properly apply a condom, even to teens. it's teaching them the wrong things. no lessons on the diversity of sexual organ growth, none on how to obtain consent properly, none on how to recognize when you feel unsafe in your body. if you are a teenager, you have probably already been sexualized at some point in your life. you will have seen someone also-your-age who is splashed across a tv screen or a magazine or married to someone three times your age. you will watch people pull their hair into pigtails so they look like you. so that they can be sexy because of youth. one of the most common pornography searches involves newly-18 young women. girls. the words "barely legal," a hiss of glass sand over your skin.

barely legal. there are bills in place that will not allow people to feel safe in their own bodies. there are people working so hard to punish any person for having sex in a way that isn't god-fearing and submissive. heteronormative. the sex has to be at their feet, on your knees, your eyes wet. when was the first time you saw another person crying in pornography and thought - okay but for real. she looks super unhappy. later, when you are unhappy, you will close your eyes and ignore the feeling and act the role you have been taught to keep playing. they will punish the sex workers, remove the places they can practice their trade safely. they will then make casual jokes about how they sexually harass their nanny.

and they love sex but they hate that you're having sex. you need to have their ornamental, perfunctory, dispassionate sex. so you can't kiss your girlfriend in the bible belt because it is gross to have sex with someone of the same gender. so you can't get your tubes tied in new england because you might change your mind. so you can't admit you were sexually assaulted because real men don't get hurt, you should be grateful. you cannot handle your own body, you cannot handle the risks involved, let other people decide that for you. you aren't ready yet.

but they need you to have sex because you need to have kids. at 15, you are old enough to parent. you are not old enough to hear the word fuck too many times on television.

they are horrified by sex and they never stop talking about it, thinking about it, making everything unnecessarily preverted. the saying - a thief thinks everyone steals. they stand up at their podiums and they look out at the crowd and they sign a bill into place that makes sexwork even more unsafe and they stand up and smile and sign a bill that makes gender-affirming care illegal and they get up and they shrug their shoulders and write don't say gay and they get up, and they make the world about sex, but this horrible, plastic vision of it that they have. this wretched, emotionless thing that holds so much weight it's staggering. they put their whole spine behind it and they push and they say it's normal!

this horrible world they live in. disgusted and also obsessed.

#this shifts gender so much bc it actually affects everyone #yes it's a gendered phenomenon. i have written a LOT about how different genders experience it. that's for a different post. #writeblr #ps my comments about seeing someone cry -- this is not to shame any person #and on this blog we support workers. #at the same time it's a really hard experience to see someone that looks like you. clearly in agony. and have them forced to keep going. #when you're young it doesn't necessarily look like acting. it looks scary. and that's what this is about - the fact that teens #have likely already been exposed to that definition of things. because the internet exists #and without the context of healthy education. THAT is the image burned into their minds about what it looks like. #it's also just one of those personal nuanced biases - #at 19 i thought it was normal to be in pain. to cry. to not-like-it. that it should be perfunctory. #it was what i had seen. #and it didn't help that my religious upbringing was like . 'yeah that's what you get for premarital. but also for the reference #we do think you should never actually enjoy it lol' #so like the point im making is that ppl get exposed to that stuff without the context of something more tender #and assume .... 'oh. so it's fine i am not enjoying myself'. and i know they do because I DID. #he was my first boyfriend. how was i supposed to know any different #i didn't even have the mental wherewithal to realize im a lesbian . like THAT used to suffering.

[sapphic-sprite]

A reminder that lesbians need abortions too. There are tons of reasons why a lesbian might need an abortion so kindly stop saying we are lucky we don’t have to worry about the current state of the US. It’s stupid that I even have to say this and I’m tired of seeing the take that we shouldn’t have to worry about abortion access being taken away in many states.

#lesbian rant #it’s as if y’all forget trans sapphics exist #or that lesbians can do sex work #or that lesbians can be abused #you just look stupid saying stuff like that #lgbt #lgbtq #lesbian #@ the people in the comments thank you for the info I changed them here and will keep that in mind

[dykecherry]

(do not) love how femme has become aestheticized to the point where low-income folks that can’t support themselves financially develop imposter syndrome bc they’re unable to relate to everybody else posting about their expensive self care products/jewelry/clothing and how it’s intrinsically linked to their identity

#mine #remember that non feminine femmes exist #whether it be a result of personal choice or circumstances beyond their control #and before somebody gets on my case and says something like ‘people can have nice things’ i never implied the opposite #i simply wish that people would stop acting like the amount of bright shiny frilly pink things you own quantifies how femme you are #this is about lesbians btw

[excavatinglizard]

One flesh, one end, bitch

#griddlehark #the locked tomb #griddlehark fanart #Gideon the ninth #harrow the ninth #excavatinglizardsart #technically this exists in my brain as kinda…post-harrow? #eh it’s not canon either way so who cares #just two lesbians in a river…nothing to see here #some classic lizard squiggly lines #but as water this time! #also featuring ‘I will add red accents to everything damn it it’s dramatic’ #gideon the ninth spoilers #art #y’all I have so many questions about the river. help. screaming. I have to wait another year y’all

[napping-sapphic]

Hate when people who already know that they’re taller than me ask my height like girl stop asking me for numbers the answer is YES i would have to get on my tiptoes to kiss you and also YES it would give me butterflies like whatever🙄

#wlw #sapphic #sapphism #lesbian #wlw mood #i am offering a palm full of oats to tall women #pls come date me #like yes bestie there are two options #i am either on my tiptoes or pulling you down by the collar #and both of these options are phenomenal #AND YET?? we aren’t doing either?? #like wtf #i remembered tall women exist today and almost passed out #like PLEASE #im in love with you #im gay and i like sleeping

[cantsayidont]

1993. The first issue of the indie comic DYKE'S DELIGHT had contributions from various artists, including Roberta Gregory and Leanne Franson, but the highlight is a story by Kate Charlesworth in which Auntie Studs, a middle-aged butch, recounts growing up in postwar England, including her first serious affair with a butch named Lenny, who ran a chip shop in femme drag by day (and thus couldn't quite hide the smell of chip grease) and charmed young Studs' mum. However, it didn't work out:

#comics #dyke's delight #kate charlesworth #lesbian existence #butch

[elextric-eye]

Realest thing I’ve ever seen 😐

#like let people exist they don’t owe it to you to come out #Jesus fucking Christ #heartstopper #kit Connor #nick Nelson #joe Locke #Charlie spring #lgbtq #lgbt #lgbtq+ #lgbtq community #gay #bisexual #lesbian #pansexual #asexual #queer #lgbtq pride #lgbt positivity

[ccassettetape]

i am writing an accidental haiku to attract haiku bot

#haiku bot #🦾 finn txt #normal post. average. average words in these tags. #need to catch it. with a net maybe. like those ones that they always show ppl catching butterflies and junk with on shows. pspsppspspspspsp #ooooooooooh u wanna look at this post so bad oooooooooh #<- attempting to attract haiku bot to this post #wowoowoooowowowowowoowowowowowowoowowowoowowowoowowiwoowiwiwoowowowowoowowwwww (<- normal noises) #I wonder if there’s a limit to how many tags you can add #time to begin the haiku bot summoning ritual um #oooowowowowoowowowwwwooooo haiku bot haiku bot haiku bot oooowoowowowowwwwwwwu you wanna look at this post haiku bot ooooouuuuuuuuuuuuuuuoo #throws flower. get over here please. #man. my arm hurts. #its weird bc one #why does my arm hurt thats really donking random but two im not?? why do i have an arm. i still get kinda surprised by it when i front lmao #why am i rambling so much in the tags #oh right trying to figure out if theres a limit to how many tags there can be dhdjdjndhdjsjmsjdjd #i think lesbians are cool. girls who like other girls are awesome. keep existing 👍 #uhhhhhhhh #never mind im done with that now i dont anything more to say :( #never mind again #tags tags tags tags tags #LISTEN IM BORED AS HECK AND WANT TO DO SOMETHING RANDOM AND SILLY SHUSH #journal

[stbot]

Kit sparring flirting being a brat

#kit tanthalos #jade claymore #tanthamore #kit x jade #willow 2022 #willow #willow spoilers #tbh i missed her being a cocky little shit #glad to see it back #i know in my brainspace that those sort of sword flourishes are impractical and honestly if jade wasn't down SO BAD kit woulda been stabbed #but they're still so fun to see!! #it's official lads i have lost any chill i ever had #this episode this SCENE really just !!!! #i'm so happy that these characters and this story exists in the world #sword lesbians of my gay lil heart #i think i need a gif tag

[exhuastedpigeon]

Just thinking about how 9-1-1 is a network television show and Evan Buckley is a stereotypical hot, macho man. How this show isn't niche or 'gay'. How people from all walks of life watch this show. Millions of people watch this show.

Someone out there watched tonight's episode and realized they've felt that way before. They realized they aren't alone.

Someone out there watched that episode and gained a better understanding of how people can figure out their sexuality later in life.

Someone out there watched tonight and saw that there isn't one way to be queer.

Someone's parents watched that episode tonight and realized that just because their kid isn't stereotypically gay or bi or queer, that doesn't make their sexuality less valid.

Someone watched this episode and realized that just because their friend/sibling/cousin/etc has only dated the opposite gender before, that doesn't mean they can't be bisexual

This episode matters so much. It matters so much.

#911 #911 spoilers #i'm crying okay #i wish this episode had existed when I was 18 #and hated myself because i didnt understand why i was so jealous and selfish with my best friends time #i wish it existed when i was 23 and trying to tell my mom that no i'm not 'softening the blow for when I tell her im a lesbian' i'm BISEXUA #bisexual #lgbtq #queer

[emptyjunior]

AELWYN AND ROSAMUND REAL?!!?

#AELWYN CAME ONTO HER FIRST??! #lesbians??!! they exist!!? #dimension 20 #d20 #dimension 20 live show #fantasy high

[wildflowercryptid]

i don't feel like really coloring this rn so here are some rough sketches of my older tealmask designs! kieran is a mask maker & competitive battler while florian is paldea's new pokémon professor, (he specializes in pokémon mythology & terastallization.)

#this is how i'm gonna cope until indigo disk comes out. by imagining them happy & healthy together in the future #i'm probably gonna have to do a lil retooling to kieran after the rest of the dlc comes out but i'm okay w/ that #i imagine that since florian loves field research he's rarely at his lab so he prefers delivering starter pokémon to new trainers in person #i gotta make older designs for starfell next i need to bring butch lesbian penny into existence #pokemon #pokemon scarlet and violet #pkmn scarvio #pokemon kieran #rival kieran #pokemon florian #trainer florian #tealmaskshipping #ship : florian & kieran #chara : kieran hinoki #chara : florian russel cavallari #🎨 : mj draws #sv dlc spoilers