Really fucked up that, when they’re young, Patrick and Art are SO tactile with each other, so comfortable sharing the same space. Art lets Patrick touch him and move him and physically overwhelm him and easily acquiesces to it, if not outright enjoys it.
Then in the present, they’ve been so far out of each other’s orbit for so long, held such animosity that when they have their moment alone in the sauna, Art physically recoils from Patrick’s close proximity! It’s so painful to watch because even as Patrick’s goading him, it’s so obvious he wants to be able to get back into Art’s space. But Art has erected all these walls around himself, he refuses to give Patrick an inch or even admit to missing how close they used to be!
AND THEN we see Art and Tashi later and he wants her to hold him, to be gentle with him, and just TOUCH him. Like, he does miss that kind of close physical contact! He either doesn’t know how to ask for it or is uncomfortable being that openly vulnerable. Worth noting that he pretty much always defers to Tashi in regard to initiating physical intimacy (with their first kiss, though he does state his desire, SHE has to be the one to make the first move). And it seems pretty obvious that Tashi herself isn’t comfortable providing that intimacy, whereas Patrick actively seeks to provide it (the hug/forehead kiss after their win together in the early years, dragging the stool closer to him).
Art has tried very hard to act like he doesn’t need physical affection and even though his discipline and devotion to Tashi has made him a stronger tennis player, it’s made him a hollow person, which, in turn, has kept him from becoming a GREAT tennis player.
All of this, of course, is why the ending hits so damn hard.
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hello um. explodes into a million pieces
[id: two digital art pieces of characters from horizon: forbidden west. the first image has three different drawings featuring aloy, seyka, and beta. aloy is in the oseram artificer outfit with leather armor, bracers, and a leather crop top vest with red cloth; beta is in the nora huntress outfit, with a leather tunic and a light blue bandana around her neck; and seyka is in her usual outfit with a white-and-gray fabric armor and a pink-and-gray scarf. the backgrounds in these pieces are a textured light pink.
the first drawing is an upper body shot of aloy and beta, who are side-by-side, each with an arm slung over the other's shoulder, the sides of their heads touching. aloy has her other hand on her hip and is smiling at beta, though she also looks slightly concerned. beta is ducking her head slightly, her other arm curled into herself as she also smiles, albeit a little anxiously.
the second drawing is of aloy and seyka. aloy is sitting down, her legs outstretched while seyka is laying back against her chest. seyka has an interface open in front of her that she's curiously navigating through, her tongue sticking out. aloy is peering down at her and smiling. they're both slightly blushing.
the final drawing is an upper body shot of aloy and seyka. seyka is grabbing aloy by the shoulders and frantically shaking her, gasping in amazement, her eyes sparkling. aloy looks pretty startled but otherwise isn't fighting against it.
the second image is of a sunwing, a pterosaur-like robot. she is standing, lifting one wing to preen at it. she is simply colored a slightly darker shade than the background. the text reads, "Sunny the Sunwing <3" end id]
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#18.1 Rak
Rak let out a huff and sat down next to Agni. Agni peeked over at Rak, who was looking far ahead, as if his past were replaying right before him.
TW: Self harm and suicide…in a way? (Sorry if it gets too dark. I put the TLDR on the tags)
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"I met him back when I was young, about a hundred years ago," Rak started.
Agni was taken aback at how long the gap between their time travel was. He wondered how much his Rak had changed.
"It was getting cold, which meant it was hunting season. I got bored and picked a fight with the toughest and biggest prey I could find."
Agni hummed when Rak paused for a moment too long, "Let me guess. You underestimated it and you lost?"
"The river was slippery!" Rak crossed his arms defensively. "And I didn't lose!"
"Sure," Agni rolled his eyes, one corner of his lips upturned. "How come?"
"I didn't lose, but I didn’t win either." Rak looked away, probably in embarrassment. "Another spear pierced its head before mine. That's when I met him."
From the way Rak's expression turned fiery, Agni had a suspicion that that exact moment had affected Rak more than what he spilled out. It didn't surprise him however, since he knew Rak’s ego.
"He was around for a while, acting like he cared about me." Rak huffed again, more fondly this time, eyes closed and arms still crossed. "He taught me a few fancy tricks with rocks and how to hunt better. He talked a lot about turtle this and turtle that. There were so many, I don't remember. But Black and Blue turtles were the ones he talked about the most, saying something like 'no one else will be more worthy prey than them.'"
Agni felt his chest tighten. To think that their Rak had acknowledged them and even bragged about it…it filled him with a sense of pride and longing.
"I didn't believe him then, since turtles are boring and no way they could do what he said they could." Rak paused and untangled his arms, eyes focusing and turning predatory, "But when he said that these turtles were unlike what we had there, I have been wanting to meet those turtles he told me about and hunt them."
Rak's story was intriguing. But even if it flattered him, Agni was more curious about his Rak's whereabouts. "What happened to him then? Wasn't he…badly injured?"
Rak frowned and went silent. But when he found his voice, it lacked its previous vigor. "He was. It looked fresh and so impossible to walk with, but he did. I asked if it was painful, but he said he didn’t feel a thing."
Third-degree burn. Agni thought to himself. But there was no way it spread evenly. Some areas must've been painful.
"He definitely lied," Rak voiced Agni's thought. "He was just acting to look tough."
The edge of Agni's lips twitched in an attempt to suppress his smile. That's him alright. And of course Rak could figure his own self easily.
"One day he challenged me in an all out duel," Rak's gaze turned dark. "His wounds had weakened him over the months, and it was obvious who would be the winner."
Agni frowned at the implication.
Wordlessly, Rak called out his arms inventory which held a familiar looking spear that shouldn't have been in his possession at this point in time. Agni would recognize that design anywhere, "...Mad shocker."
"He said he wanted to test me, and he gave me this." Rak glared at the spear as if it was responsible for his misfortune. "And later told me that I should be proud, for only a true hunter was allowed to defeat him."
Agni felt his throat going dry, and gulped. "He died, didn't he?"
Rak's eyes sharpened. Whether it was in regret or anger, Agni couldn't tell. "I killed him."
Agni didn't know what to feel about that. On one hand, he could empathize with how much pain Rak must've felt from the injury, especially with the lack of proper treatment that could cure or even just lessen the pain. But on the other hand, it meant that his Rak was truly gone, in such a way, and he still couldn't wrap his head around it.
Rak put his pipe back to invisible mode, like looking at it had brought him so much grief. "I've never used that spear since."
The silence stretched, with only the loud noises coming from the training ground to fill it. Agni wasn't sure how to reply to that without being overly friendly nor physical, and he definitely wouldn't do that to Rak, who only met him today.
Sitting beside Rak like this reminded him of their chat before the workshop battle, on the balcony. It was when Rak truly let him see his buried feelings, his desire to climb the tower together with him and Grace. And with that, the grief finally started to dawn on him. The scar on his face felt itchy and his hand was already clawing at his mask before he registered the motion. He sighed and put his hand back on his knee, pushing the tangled feeling to the back of his mind to be dealt with later. And since the silence had stretched out for too long, he asked; "What was he to you?"
"A rival," Rak looked thoughtful before adding, "and family."
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i know everyone is really mad at kotoko, but i’ve been thinking a bit about why she ended up like this
I have a friend who has a really similar mindset to kotoko, so i'm kinda familiarized with how it works. as i've said before, she really sees everything in black and white, and while she originally said she would forgive those who did the same as her (basically amane, and fuuta to some extent), after her t1 inno verdict, her ideals got reinforced, well, more like radicalized and pushed them a step further, losing her original self/mindset in the process
every time i talk to this friend about kotoko, they really do see themselves in kotoko, and with everything currently going on (and them going to therapy and trying to be a better person, and just getting bad looks from others when they talk) has made them notice how some stuff isn't that good or how it's frowned upon. my friend has a black and white sense of justice, and when i told them about how kotoko would’ve harm amane, they went “it's good to know she wouldn't spare the child” (i know, messed up). their context to that is, we all know how children can be some of the most horrible people in earth, innocence can be seen as beautiful, but it can also be terrifying. their argument is that when children commit a crime, they're not trial respectively to what they committed, a child who killed someone doesn't get the same repercussions as an adult who killed someone.
having said that, that mindset comes from a place of black and white morals, of difficulties during childhood, of seeing how people arent brought to justice and of how one suffers so much but no one cares. this friend struggles with empathy and struggles to understand others in general. the main difference they have with kotoko is that they try, that they were put in situations where they had to face reality and other people
i believe kotoko must’ve went through something that in the end pushed her to this belief system. “it doesnt excuse what she did” i know, but i still think if she have had someone to guide her towards the right path, someone who she actually connected with and showed her why her actions and beliefs were harmful, this wouldn't have ended like this…
now here, im not asking people to forgive her, i actually think that a guilty verdict this trial would be really good for her and hopefully would force her to face reality in some way
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