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andthebeanstalk · 1 year

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Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

#hlep #original #mental health #my sympathies and empathies to anyone who has to rely on this kind of hlep to get what they need.#the people in my life who most need to see this post are my family but even if they did I sincerely doubt they would internalize it #i've tried to break thru to them so many times it makes my head hurt. so i am focusing on boundaries and on finding other forms of support #and this thing i learned today helps me validate those boundaries. the example with the milk was from my therapist.#the example with the towing company was a real thing that happened with my parents a few months ago while I was age 28. 28!#a full adult age! it is so infantilizing as a disabled adult to seek assistance and support from ableist parents.#they were real mad i was mad tho. and the spoons i spent trying to explain it were only the latest in a long line of #huge family-related spoon expenditures. distance and the ability to enforce boundaries helps. haven't talked to sisters for literally the #longest period of my whole life. people really believe that if they love you and try to help you they can do no wrong.#and those people are NOT great allies to the chronically sick folks in their lives.#you can adore someone and still fuck up and hurt them so bad. will your pride refuse to accept what you've done and lash out instead?#or will you have courage and be kind? will you learn and grow? all of us have prejudices and practices we are not yet aware of.#no one is pure. but will you be kind? will you be a good friend? will you grow? i hope i grow. i hope i always make the choice to grow.#i hope with every year i age i get better and better at making people feel the opposite of how my family's ableism has made me feel #i will see them seen and hear them heard and smile at their smiles. make them feel smart and held and strong.#just like i do now but even better! i am always learning better ways to be kind so i don't see why i would stop

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inkskinned · 1 year

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100,000 dollars is not a lot of money.

it is also a lot more money than i will ever have. my student loans make up half of that - they're coming back, i'm told, like we all bounced back recently. the other day while paying for gas to go to work, i overdrew my account without knowing it.

i sat in the car and looked at the charge and tried to do the math. where the fuck is the money even going? i don't live extravagantly. i live in a hole in the ground, in an apartment the size of a sneeze; covered in ants. yes, i wanted to live close to a population center. maybe that's my fault. i've downloaded the apps and i've spoken to the experts and i've cut back on excess. i can't help the pharmacy bills or the medical debt.

i have a good, well-paying job. when i googled it to see if i was getting a fair salary, i found out i'd be making "upper middle class" money. which doesn't make sense - is "upper middle class" now just "able to afford a one-bedroom without a roommate". when i was younger, upper-middle meant a nice big house and a backyard and vacations and not flinching about eating at a resturant.

i was talking to my friend who is a realtor. he said 100,000 dollars is extremely cheap for housing. he's not wrong. 100,000 dollars would change my life. 100,000 dollars also won't really buy you anything. it could get you out of debt, potentially, if you were lucky and had a certain amount of scholarships to tack onto your degree. you could pay off the car and then have enough left over for "spending" money. how fucking amazing. one vacation, maybe two if you're thrifty. and then - like magic - the money would evaporate into nothing. people would sigh and tell you see, you should have put it into savings! like "upper middle class" people can't afford to value "actually living" over squirrelling wealth. you should spend your life only in scarcity. like that is what made the rich people all their real "actually a lot of money".

100,000 dollars would literally set me free. it also would just set me back to "earning normally" instead of paying down debt into infinity. god, do you know how many of us just want that? that our first thought is we could stop scrambling and just be free of debt if we won the lottery? that we don't even necessarily need to stop working - we just wouldn't have to worry about failing or falling?

and. at the same time. 100,000 dollars is next to fucking nothing.

#writeblr #me paying my taxes this year:#haha good to know im literally doing more for my community out of my tiny apartment #than most corporations will do in their entire scope! :) these motherfuckers will NEVER pay taxes!!!#bc they lobby others to be sure we CHOKE :) !!!#i hope this is clear like. this isn't someone being like ''haha if i got 100k it wouldn't be a big deal''#it's more like. the gap between corporations and the ppl WORKING in those corporations #has become HORRIFIC. 100k to the company i work for is like. pocket change to them.#and it is LIFE CHANGING for me.#they could cut me a check for 100k tomorrow and not even budge their margin of error

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ruporas · 1 year

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bound to want (part two) /// part one rest of pages under READ MORE after ID

[ID: 23 page digital comic of Vashwood from Trigun Maximum. The comic is in a limited palette of a dark blue, light pink, white, black, and a light beige color for Vash's skin and a mid-brown color for Wolfwood's. This comic is the second part to "Bound to Want" and is spoiler-free. The first part is linked here.

It begins with a panel close up of Vash's expressions. The sky colored in dark blue can be seen behind him. He has a neutral expression, but he holds a slight frown and the reflection of his glasses covers one side of his eyes. Wolfwood says, "Hey. What's with the distance?" In the second panel, the shot widens to show both of them, a clear physical distance separating them with Wolfwood walking ahead and Vash trailing a little behind. Vash responds, "What? I'm just walking a bit slower today..." Wolfwood looks at him with a an irritated expression, clicking his tongue. Wolfwood says, "I was going to wait for you to start... But yer just running away away."

Vash is seen looking away, unable to hold eye contact with Wolfwood as he continues, "You've been avoiding me since that night. Did ya think I wouldn't notice? It's about that dream, right? Tell me about it already if you're going to be moping like this." Vash looks slightly downwards, his brows furrowing and he starts to walk ahead of Wolfwood without looking at him and responds stiffly, "I really don't want to talk about it..." Wolfwood looks at him with a surprised expression, but doesn't probe.

A panel close up to Wolfwood's eyes as he watches Vash go on ahead before he follows suite with an irritated sigh. The panels are overlapped by Wolfwood's hand holding the bottle of the Bride with motion lines, indicating a transition in time.

A wide shot of Vash and Wolfwood in a room now. Vash is seated, his back turned away from the viewer, while Wolfwood's body faces the viewer with his eyes looking towards Vash. He rests the bottle of the Bride on the table with a "clack" and his other hand holds two shotglasses. The background is coated in a light pink.

A panel shows a close up of Wolfwood's face, his eyes looking downwards to Vash as he says, "Let's drink." Next to this panel is Vash looking up at Wolfwood, his brows furrowed and a slight frown. The bottom half of the page is a wider shot with Vash's body turned away from the viewer as he says, "I'm not going to talk about it." Wolfwood responds, "You don't have to." as he sits down.

A wide panel of Wolfwood holding the shotglass, pouring in the drink as he continues, "I'll talk." The next panel is a profile view of Wolfwood, his eyes looking down at the now filled shotglass as he continues to say, "You're..."

"... upset with me." Vash can be seen next to this speech bubble with narrowed eyes, looking towards Wolfwood. The panels are all coated in with a dark blue background. Wolfwood continues, "I can't be certain why since yer not telling me a thing -- but it's probably... my bad." The panels show Wolfwood about to bring the shotglass to his mouth but he turns way as he continued to speak, his eyes not on Vash. The bottom page shows him looking away completely with a guilty expression as he says, "I'm sorry.

If you can ever tell me why, I can try and adjust to make it more bearable. But if you're just trying to get rid of me--" The panels follow Wolfwood's certain expression as he says this, "I don't intend to leave you. I can't... and I won't." A panel shows Vash's wide-eyed expression, surprised upon hearing this, and then his eyes soften as Wolfwood again concludes with, "I'm sorry."

Vash's inner thoughts begins, a boxed speech at the center of the page and panels of his eyes, his brows furrowing again and a resigned, but frustrated expression. His thoughts starts, "Stop. I shouldn't be happy hearing that. And why are you apologizing? I should be the one to..! I can't let anything like that happen to you. You deserve to live a long steady and peaceful life. I want to be optimistic. I want to protect you, but I might end up doing the opposite." The text surrounds Wolfwood from Vash's perspective, the other man drinking out of his shotglass, his eyes downcasted.

"I shouldn't have you. And you won't leave." Behind these text is a panel of Wolfwood's eyes finally looking over to Vash. Vash's thoughts continues, "It's so unfair." When Wolfwood sees Vash, his eyes soften and he frowns. The last panel shows the lower half of Vash's face, but tears begins to flow down his cheek. Wolfwood's hand is already reaching to wipe at them as he starts to say, "You know..."

A wider shot of Vash and Wolfwood, Vash slightly leaning forward with his mouth tightly shut, and tears steadily continuing to flow out of his closed eyes. Wolfwood continues to wipe at them with his hand as he continues, "This isn't a dream anymore. I don't know what you saw for you to be this shaken up, but whatever happened, you'll overcome it, right? If not you, I'm here too. You'll be okay, Spikey. So..." Wolfwood's expression grows more tender, "Have a little faith in me... and come back already." The dark blue starts to fade.

The wide panel has the dark blue background faded and replaced is the light pink. It shows Vash in full up to his shoulders, his eyes are still tears littered, but there's light in them as he says, "Wolfwood..." making eye contact with the other. The next panel shows Wolfwood's tender expression, his eyes and brows fully soften and he has a small smile on his lips, finally seeing the other return a level of sincerity with him.

The next panel shows the bottom half of Wolfwood's face and his hand is offered towards Vash for a dance as he says, "C'mon. We don't have to talk, but this is okay, right?" The background is now white and a ribbon flowing across the page separates this panel from the next sequence. Vash's inner thoughts continus, "I've spent too long avoiding this. It's scary to want after I've taken so much from others." A sequence close up of their hands is shown, with Wolfwood's outstretched hand on the right and Vash's reaching hand on the left. Vash gently places his hand in Wolfwood and at the bottom, Wolfwood wraps his fingers across Vash's.

Throughout the page, a dark blue ribbon starts to flow around the both of them with confetti raining alongside the effect. Vash and Wolfwood are hand and hand, dancing together with Wolfwood as the lead. The viewer can see a peak of Vash's expression, full of fondness but also a hint of sorrow as he looks down at Wolfwood. His inner thoughts continue, "I don't deserve this. I don't deserve you. But why is that even though I have these burdens, I still want to love you. I still want you to be by my side."

With a close up of their mouths, Vash's thoughts continue, the text covering his mouth, "Wolfwood, I--" Wolfwood's speech bubble covers Vash's text as he completes his sentence, "want you." Vash's eyes widen for one panel and in the next, his eyes spark, a blush appearing on his cheek and the confetti flows and spark. Tears ease up on his eyes again.

"Want me too already, Spikey." Wolfwood has leaned in enough to rest his head against Vash, a hand of his on Vash's neck, holding his nape and another hand pressed gently against his back. A ribbon separates this panel from the next, a mix of confetti flows across the page, as Vash envelopes Wolfwood in a hug too, holding him and his hand gripping tightly onto his back.

This page is just the ribbon flowly throughout the page on the white background, one white ribbon and the other a dark blue. Near the bottom, the ribbon envelopes each other in a loop. A conversation of Vash and Wolfwood is held over these ribbons, Vash starting to say, "What if I hurt you? What if you..?" Wolfwood responds, "You? How could you hurt me?" Vash, "You know what I mean... You see it everyday..." Wolfwood responds, "If you think I'm going to kick the bucket so easily, I suggest you look at me more closely from now on, idiot. I'm not that easy to get rid of."

The next page has the ribbon criss cross over the top of the page. Vash and Wolfwood can be seen in their dancing position again, Wolfwood now resting a hand on Vash's shoulder, as Vash takes the lead. Vash continues, "Well, I know that... I tried." Wolfwood responds, "But you won't anymore... since you want me... around, yeah?" Wolfwood's head cocks to the side, smiling with assurance, cheeks flushed. Vash looks at him with a wide smile and fond, loving eyes. The confetti flows across the bottom of this page and as it eases into the next page, it starts to disappear.

Vash responds, ".. Yeah... I do..." as he pulls Wolfwood into a hug again. Wolfwood says, "Not going to run away anymore, are you?" Vash says, "No... I trust you." A panel shows Wolfwood's turning away slightly with a shy expression, muttering "Geez..."

In a more simplified style, Wolfwood is seen gripping Vash's cheeks now with his hand, "Though... You do remember you avoided me for two weeks straight, right? How are you going to make that up to me?" Wolfwood asks. Vash responds with eyes closed and a pucker of his lips. A vein of irritation appears on Wolfwood's face. Wolfwood starts to squeeze at Vash's cheek with both hands, shouting, "Now that you've recovered, you're trying to be funny, huh?!" Vash says through the squished cheeks, "I'm just happy..."

The next page opens with a closed up panel of Vash's widen eye as Wolfwood's hand moves from squishing his cheeks to gently holding them and Wolfwood leans in. The inner thoughts starts again, "There's a chance I'm not making the right choice... My dreams, my fears of losing you, it will never go away. But you said you won't let it happen... And I want to hang onto your words closely this time. After all, if it's anyone who can make me believe, it's you." The white ribbon from previous pages flows across the page and it visibly ends at the bottom of the page, enclosing the two of them as they share a gentle kiss with Vash holding Wolfwood's face, a tear in his eye.

The next pages starts with Wolfwood saying, "You cryin' again?" Vash responds, "I'm just grateful..." Wolfwood responds, "But you've always had me." Vash responds, "Being like this is different from staring at you from behind all the time though..." The two can be seen together again, Wolfwood pressing his elbows against the table with Vash leaning over him. Wolfwood is easing the tears out of Vash's eye again, just like earlier. A close panel of Vash's fond expression is seen as he says, "Thank you, Wolfwood." Wolfwood looks up at him with a small smile, gentle eyes. Confetti starts to flow lightly across the page as text starts to appear against the white background, "I'm the one who's grateful...

That you'd embrace someone like me, when I'm not fit to hold you in the first place... But I know better than to hesitate. The moment I acknowledged it, I knew I'd spend the rest of my life loving you. So, have as much of me as you want, Vash."

The final page shows the confetti gently falling down the page and at the bottom shows Vash and Wolfwood pressing their foreheads together, Wolfwood's hands cupping the side of Vash's face gently, and both of them smiling brightly with each other. ID END]

#vashwood #trigun #trigun maximum #vash the stampede #nicholas d wolfwood #its done.... after 2 months.... collapses on the ground #theres a lot of things i would prob change about this but. its so sappy that it makes me a little happy where it ended up #they deserve a little sap too!!! and in the end this is the closest they could get to a first confession #through want! want in each other's life and company since they both have this strained relationship with keeping people permanent in their #lives... and the people or things that are tied to them in the long term tend to be something that harms them.#and as the saying goes -- good things never last! and im sure they prob gave up trying to find a good thing for a long time #vash managed to be found after the moon accident and got his good thing for a bit but even he prob knew itd come to an end eventually #ironically it was wolfwood that ended it. but he really just planted smth new for vash... and now they have some security #or at least vash does. or at least just for this one moment #a moment of bliss and feeling like they are deserving of love is so Fluctuating for vashwood #and ultimately i think wolfwood could only push onwards to initiate because he sensed there was smth vash wanted. and its just #naturally in wolfwood to give to those that he love #but anyway anyway.... i like to think in a sweet universe -- they had the chance to confess like this and got a little bit of time to #enjoy and share their company in this manner. to be a little less restrained and love each other freely #ruporas art

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fablegaze · 6 months

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so. canto 5, huh

#my art #blood #limbus company #project moon #dante lcb #faust lcb #limbus company spoilers #canto 5 spoilers #part 2 was. quite an update. good lird #i also really love what's happening to ishmael. her descent into madness is so fascinating to watch #she's become the very person she's dedicated her life to killing #“is this what Ishmael was like when she sailed the Lakes? Or... Or is this the Captain?” ouuughh #my beautiful girlfriend email she is having such a good time #nothing wrong with her at all

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jojo-schmo · 5 months

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My job is burning around me and I’m only seen as an expendable cog in a giant corporate machine, but at least I have Helpy to lend a brightly colored hand!!! <3

#am I talking about fazbear entertainment or my irl job? nobody knows #what I do know is today I found out we’re getting a salary increase freeze for 6 months at least #which in corporate speak probably means a year or more #and restructuring of the company may happen after that #who needs a livable wage? not me obviously #anyway I just needed my small pink boy to cheer me up and it helped a lil #it was fun drawing his blush that way I may keep doing that. hehe #and he must have pretty pink eyeshadow #I’ll be all good in a few days just processing my life asmkcpjsdklc #my baby bear my little skrunkly guy…..#I need a plush of him to kiss on the forehead…#fnaf #fnaf help wanted #help wanted 2 #five nights at freddy's #helpy #fnaf helpy #art

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starry-eyed-psychopomp · 5 months

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Lesbians welcoming mlm’s to the cancellation pit after ofmd:

#welcome lads. it’s gonna suck for the rest of your life but you know. good company #our flag means death #ofmd #a league of their own #warrior nun #the wilds #I could go on…. and I will #the owl house #first kill #i am not okay with this #grease rise of the pink ladies #willow #lesbian

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dailyfigures · 3 months

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Minakami Mai ; Nichijou ☆ Good Smile Company

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kabukeo · 1 month

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blue art today

#limbus company #lcb #meursault lcb #lcb meursault #outis lcb #lcb outis #my art #kabu art #do i diary entry into these tags #idk ive just been so stuck with art forever #and i realized #as with most things in my life #i have just GOT to stop giving a fuck #so heres art thats imperfect and borign but i had fun making it #art thati usually never wouldve bothered finishing and saving #but i gotta stop thinking about art as #its not worth spending time on if its not going to be notable #bc i think these came out alrgiht and more importantly i finally made art at all #ok thats all have good nights and mornings and afternoons

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starkholme · 2 months

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"Lifestyle of superhero whose whole life is saving the world, work in a mundane job and you?"

Kacy but make it Supergirl AU

This is specially for my friend who insisted me to watch NCIS: Hawai'i because she was in love with Kacy and she's also a big Supercorp stan 🫶

#kacy #lucy tara #kate whistler #lucy x kate #kate x lucy #kacy prompt #kacy AU #Supergirl! Lucy Tara #Lena Luthor! Kate Whistler #I know the obvious thing would be to Kate being Supergirl because she's tall and blonde #and Lucy is a rich brunette with family issues so she fits Lena better #BUT LISTEN TO ME #tbh it's much better Lucy opening up about everything she left behind in Krypton #as well as her feeling alone with the family that adopted her and how she'd probably felt like an outsider her whole life #and I want Lucy to hold Kate like she weights nothing #And Lucy is from Texas so yeah she's totally the girl who went to the city to free helself from her family #but she stays good and wants to help everyone #I'm also accepting Kate being like a CEO of a big lawyer company because WHY NOT

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sunnys-side-upside-down · 4 months

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Blorbo's Eepiest Soldier

Thank you everyone for your kind words, I'm doing better and am back to it <3

#helloo!#thank you all for the well wishes #I have really appreciated every kind word #I'm doing better now and have gotten back to school work #i am so eepy though #eepiest soldier #im also being overworked on my capstone game team and the team lead even told me shes over working me so thats #fun #counting going to this capstone class and meetings and such im putting like 25+ hours in a week for it #and i do have 2 other classes #and a social life i enjoy having #haha #but im happy to do the work cause its good portfolio stuff #except when my producer comes up to me and says "yknow how ur in charge of all the 2d art and concepting and branding and ui and pr? yeah g #make a 3-4 page detailed comic for plot at the start of our game cause we dont wanna cut plot (even tho we dont have time for it) and we #dont wanna show plot through interactable objects and dialogue/text so more work for you even tho u legit dont have time for it #ngl tho i have genuinely been enjoying designing icons and doing model concepts #i made some fire designs recently #please hire me a game company tm #anyway enough of capstone talk #love you all!!!#im excited to graduate and finally be able to change my bio!!#hope you all have a very lovely rest of your day <33 #furry #fursona #digital art #art #eepy

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lilaccoffin · 3 months

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Wanted to make a HFR oc that has a cute and ditzy Milly Thompson vibe but is actually a spy for a rival company (maybe the hypothetical one I talked about in my HFR 2 plot idea).

I can't decide if I should name her Peach or Ginger or maybe something else? I see her as a genuinely sweet person, but she'll do what she has to for her boss! She's a "newbie" at Vandelay doing temp work. She's mostly looking into the SPECTRA scandal to report back to her boss. She gets along well with Chai, but 808 is constantly glaring at her and always 10 seconds away from attacking her.

#doodlies #hi fi rush #hfr oc #I'm thinking the boss of her company is actually one of those strict but kind types #when she heard about SPECTRA she was appalled and she's pissed at Roxanne for that fiasco #Ginger/Peach or w/e I name her is loyal because her boss helped save her mother's life after an accident #she knows that even though her boss is scary she's a good person so yeah she gladly double crosses Chai and the gang for her FDSJLF #Ginger

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theendofviolet · 1 year

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“dots” vs “lines”

leviathan is full to the brim of the contrasts between stagnation and progress forward. the penultimate battle and vergilius’s internal fight and discussion with carmen are an encapsulation of that.

there’s a noted repeated concept about “the flow”. to garnet, vergilius explains it as such:

the “flow” seems to be, to vergilius, this idea of something that pulls you forward in life - like water down a river, unable to be diverted. the water has no choice but to follow it. but of note is that the “flow” is still movement of a kind. the water should not stay in one place. however, to vergilius, his so-called flow has slowed to the point of being “weak” and “stalled”. he had a dream once, a dream to change the world that he shared with roland, which eventually became snuffed out by the immense tragedy of tomerry and the orphanage incident

meanwhile, jumsoon, mister “dotty” himself, is obsessed with the idea of capturing moments frozen in time. its likely why Schadenfreude was born from his body, as the very idea of the abnormality is a “gaze” trapped in a box. to him, time can be broken up into moments to be witnessed, gazed at, one at a time. “dots”. to him, a child with a vibrant life can be crushed into a single beautiful gem to witness. even the objects being sold at the auction are of things captured as representation of a flash of time - such as the man dancing, everlasting, in a glass box

this of course is why vergilius eventually succeeds against him, and also succeeds against the manipulations of carmen, because what both are focused on is “momentary satisfaction”. this is not enough for vergilius. to him, the flow is everything, and as long as the flow can be followed, “dots” become “lines”

"For a person who is moving, a point is just a fleeting moment. The dot is just a moment. If the countless moments of despair that came to me pile up and become years, the moments that were just dots will become lines and create a path of possibility."

vergilius ends leviathan with a new course, a new goal. he will move forward even if this takes him “into the hell of my karma” where he “will rest there alone”. he cannot be stagnant or stalled any longer.

after all, the flow cannot be stopped

#vergilius #leviathan #limbus company #leviathan spoilers #ME SHAKING EVERYONE LIKE AHHH GOD I LOVE THINKING ABOUT LEVIATHAN SO MUCH #even with the machine tl its so evident that the writing is just that good #love me some good consistent themes and symbolism....LOVE THE ETERNAL HUMAN QUESTION OVER HOW ONE SHOULD EXPERIENCE LIFE

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