#like me bcs they totally have x y or z!!“ which is fun to see | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

imagineurfavs · 3 years

Text

Nu’est - Baekho A-Z

“I knowww you’re in hiatus but would you consider a Baekho A-Z ??? Your last couple asks have me thinking fr”

----------

A - Aftercare

Boy gets so cuddly afterwards, he just wants to lay together until the end of time lmao, so it’ll probably take him a minute to even think about aftercare. But he’ll probably run a bath or shower for you

B - Body Part (their favourite body part of theirs and also their partner)

on himself he likes his arms, they’re big and strong, he loves that he can hold you close to him no matter what position yall are in. On his partner he likes their legs, esp when you wrap them around his waist when he’s on top of you...oof...nice.

C - Cum

Likes the intimacy of cumming inside you, but if that’s not an option, he likes to cum on either your stomach or your chest. He’ll glance at it for a second, looking super proud, then rush off all bashful and shy to go get a towel lmao

D - Dirty Secret (a dirty secret of theirs)

Sometimes he cries when he cums lol. Not bc he's like overly in his feelings or anything like that, like it's just a reflex that happens sometimes and he has no idea why. He won't be like full on bawling either but like you'll look over at him and just see his eyes all glossy with like a single tear drop on his cheek djdjd

E - Experience

It’s a tricky one lmao. I feel like he’s just got a natural way with people lol, he’s a pro at wooing anyone. However, he doesn’t strike me as much of a one night stand kinda guy. Idk, I’d say he’s got a fair amount of experience, but from relationships, so like...its moreso, he’s done it a lot, rather than he’s done a lot of different stuff...yknow??

F - Favourite Position

Anything where he can keep your face close to his and maintain close eye contact. He likes being able to whisper sweet nothing's in your ear and kiss you freely whenever he wants

G - Goofy (are they more serious in the moment, or are they humorous etc)

I wouldn't say he's humorous per se, but he's just smiley and sweet lol. He likes to keep the atmosphere warm and loving, the last thing he wants is for you to feel uncomfortable in his company

H - Hair (how well groomed are they)

He’s not like, immaculately clean shaven, but he’s not super wild either lol, he keeps it at a middle ground.

I - Intimacy (how are they during the moment, romantic aspect)

Mans a total romantic, even in times when yall are in a rush and it's just a question of chasing that climax, even then he's just got words of love flowing non stop out of his mouth

J - Jack Off (Masturbation)

Almost every day, if not every day lol. It’s something he just kinda does without thinking. Like, he’ll be in bed, winding down, relaxing...then without knowing it his hand is in his pants lmao

K - Kinks (one of more of their kinks)

Now, this is where it gets a lil controversial lmao. I dont think Baekho is a dom. Not at all. Just bc he’s a big guy doesn’t mean he’s dominant lol; Baekho is the truest of switches you could ever see. 100% switch lol. He literally just wants to please, he just wants to make you feel good. As for actual kinks, I dont think he has that many that are that out there. He likes some light marking (giving & receiving), edging (receiving), and maybe a tiny hint of a femdom kink.

L - Location (Favourite places to do the do)

Anywhere where y’all can move about freely, that's literally his only requirement lol. He doesn’t wanna be cramped up in a tiny spice, which also means no car sex lol sorry lads

M - Motivation (What turns them on)

One of the easiest men to rile up on the planet lol. Three things that get Dongho all hot and flustered lol:

1. tell him how much you love his body. (bonus points if you tell him how hot he looks working out and that you appreciate how hard he works for his body lol)

2. Show the tiniest bit of skin, he loves it when you wear a shirt that sits a tiny bit higher than usual and he can see your lower stomach when you move.

3. Literally just hold his gaze for 0.5 seconds longer than usual lol

N - NO (something they won't do, turn offs)

I feel like literally the only thing he’s unwavering on is his stance on three(or more)somes. He’s really not a sharing kinda guy. He doesn't wanna bring someone else in and potentially mess up y’alls dynamic. It’s something he cant even bear thinking about.

O - Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc)

He can be a bit relentless when it come to giving lol, he'll hold your hips down with all his strength as he just totally feasts on your core. Deliberately makes the most lewd noises tryna get you to blush.

When receiving, boy he is LOUD, he'll be talking you through it like "fuuuuuuck yes baby, I know your throat can take all of me" "your pretty lips take me so well" he'll grab your hair and hold your head still as he cums, gets the fattest smirk on his face is he sees his load dripping out the sides of your mouth too,,,,,ooof. But then once again, he'll get all shy and bashful afterwards lol like he can't believe what he just said to you didjdjd

P - Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc)

I don't really think he has any set pace lol it can vary every time. I feel like it'd depend on the vibe of the day, like, if it's been a while and he's missed you beyond belief then it'd be much more slower and sensual. But if it's like,,,gotta chase that nut, then he can get pretty fast. I don't think he'd ever cross over into being rough, but his thrusts can get like, firm and...sharp lmao

Q - Quickies (Their opinions on quickies rather than proper sex, how often, etc)

Yes yes yes. Loves them. They usually tend to be a lot more giggly and fun than regular full sessions too lol

R - Risk (are they down to experiment, do they take risks?)

Eeeeeeh, a little bit. He's a bit of a baby in terms of pain so I feel like anything that could maybe hurt, even if it's something as simple as spanking or light restraints, could take a little convincing lol. He is definitely down...mans just needs reassuring he won't like die lol

S - Stamina (how many rounds can they go, how long do they last? etc)

I mean, he’s a healthy guy lol, he’s gonna have super good stamina. I feel like there’d be literally no stopping him, he can go for however long you need him too. You might wanna get as much as you can out of him though bc once he's done, he's done for the night lmao

T - Toy (do they own toys do they use them on a partner or on themselves?)

He doesn’t own any himself, but that’s not to say he’s not open to experimenting with any. He just wont do it of his own volition lol. Hes thought about getting some numerous times though but he just doesn't wanna be the one to bring it up

U - Unfair (how much they like to tease)

Not really a fan, he just doesn’t understand it lol. He’s not big on teasing or being teased; he's not good at holding back when he's the one *trying* to tease you, and he gets so so fidgety and antsy when being teased lol. He’d much rather just get to the main event lmao

V - Volume (how loud are they, what type of sounds they make)

Lots of loud sighs and choked out groans. He can get quite high pitched, which he’s honestly a little embarrassed of lol. He gets louder slowly the closer he gets to climax, he’ll attach his mouth to your neck as he starts to get louder; tryna muffle any sounds bc he doesn't wanna hear himself like that lmao

W - Wild Card (a random headcannon)

Okay. This is where this whole thing started lol. Baekho is not a dom, he’s also not a sub either. BUT, he get’s so unbelievably turned on by watching you take control. Like he just thinks you have this aura to you when you’re the one pinning him down and getting what you want from him. It’s literally the only time he ever enjoys edging too; he'd never do it to himself, nor does he do it to you, but for some reason having you edge him, having himself be totally at your mercy is just...omg

X - X-ray (what's going on inside those pants)

Average/maybe a tiiiny bit below average in terms of length, but pretty veiny and he’s got some nice girth lol

Y - Yearning (How high is their sex drive)

I feel like it’s either one extreme or the other lol. It’s either he can’t keep his hands off you at all for days on end, or he’s just busy occupied with other stuff and his mind doesnt even go in that direction...there’s no way of knowing sksks

Z - Zzz... (How quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

As long as he's happy that you're both fully satisfied, he'll be out like a light almost instantly lmao

♡♡♡♡♡

#nuest smut #nuest baekho smut #baekho smut #nuest reactions #nu'est reactions #nu'est smut #kpop smut #nuest imagines

86 notes · View notes

impala-dreamer · 4 years

Text

Ecstasy

SPN FanFic

~Sam's major headache leads to a major oops on Dean's part and some major fun for Sam.~

Sam x Reader, Dean

3,969 Words

Warnings: NSFW. Accidental Drug Use. Smut. Hair Pulling. Stoned!Sex

A/N: This will stand as my Free Square for @spnkinkbingo 2020. I'm doing "Hair Pulling Kink" bc Sam totally likes to have his hair pulled. ;) Hope you all enjoy!

2020 KinkBingo Masterlist ~ My Masterlist ~ Become A Patreon ~ Find My Original Works on Amazon

Sam pressed his forehead deeper into the ledge of his knuckles, hoping the pressure would distract his ears from the beeping and ease the headache pounding behind his eyes.

It did not.

“Shit.” Dean was across the way, kicked back in his chair, ankles cross on the tabletop, phone in hand. In between alternating whispered curses and victory cheers, his phone was making the most irritating bleeping noises. “Yeah, baby!”

A devastated and annoyed sigh filled the air and Sam let his hand fall to the table with a thud. “What are you doing?” he snapped, eyes wide, head shaking at Dean.

Green eyes popped up innocently. “Playing Tetris, what are you doing?”

Sam tossed his hands up and sat back. “I’m trying to work! Why is it so loud?”

“I don’t know, Tetris is loud.” Dean shrugged and hiss disappointedly as he put a cube in the wrong spot. “You’re distracting me, shut up.”

“I’m distracting you- I- what!”

A melodic whistle from the next room caught their ears and both boys looked up to see Y/N dancing about, shaking her ass as she cleaned up last night’s messy dinner. Headphones snug in her ears, she whistled along to the music as she picked up empty beer bottles and a few scattered napkins.

Dean leaned over the table to get a better view, humming in approval at the curves on display. “Nice.”

“Dean!” Sam scolded in a low voice, quickly looking away and back to his book.

“What? She’s got a nice-”

“Just stop it.”

Dean laughed and licked his chapped lips as he settled back in place. “I know you like her, it’s cool, man. She’s all yours.”

Sam’s spine straightened in defense even as a blush filled his cheeks. “She’s not- mine. What? I don’t-”

“Sammy,” Dean grinned, dropping his chin as his eyebrows rose knowingly. “You can’t hide this stuff from me. I see all.”

Sam cleared his throat and tried to end the conversation, ducking his gaze back to his text. “You don’t see anything. There’s nothing to see.”

“Lucky for you,” Dean went on, ignoring him, “she likes you too.”

“H-how do you know?” Sam refused to look up, but lifted his eyes slightly.

Dean sighed happily and puckered his lips. “Because she turned me down.”

That lifted Sam’s entire frame. “What!”

“I know, shocking, right? I mean…” Dean waved a hand down the length of himself Vanna White style. “How could she say no? But she did.”

“When?”

“Few months ago. We were working that case in Ossining- remember? And… we got a little buzzed and I made a move and…”

“Wow.”

“I know. It was a pretty good move.”

“No, not- I just- wow.”

Dean laughed and dropped his feet so he could lean over the table and lower his voice. “Look, she likes you. You like her. It’s cool.”

The tip of Sam’s tongue snuck out to hang on his lower lip as he looked a little to the left, contemplating Dean’s confession. “Huh.”

“Yup.” Satisfied that his point was made, Dean sat back and started the game again, bleeping away without a thought.

Sam soon turned back to his research, trying to forget what Dean had said about Y/N. If it was meant to be, it would be; there was no use dwelling on it, especially when there was work to be done.

Very time consuming, tedious work that involved translating handwritten Romanian from a faded text while listening to Dean's Tetris antics.

Thoughts of Y/N were soon drowned out by a sharp pounding in his left temple, and Sam gave up, throwing his pencil down like a gavel and leaning back. He clutched his skull and groaned.

“Dude, go take something,” Dean suggested after slipping a bar into place and clearing three lines at once.

Sam sighed and rubbed at his eyes. “Yeah. You want anything?”

“Nah. Awe, damnit! Freaking cube again!”

The farther from Dean he walked, the calmer Sam felt, but his head was still pulsing.

The kitchen was practically bare and no meds were to be found. Sam growled lowly as he shuffled back to the library and paused in the archway.

“There's an empty bottle of Excedrin in the pantry,” he said cooly.

Dean looked up from his phone with a lingering smile. “OK. Did you take some?”

“Empty. Bottle.” Sam enunciated each letter and Dean's smile fell.

“Oh.”

“Yeah.”

Dean closed one eye as he thought up both an excuse and solution at once. “Uh, I think there's some Tylenol in my room.”

Sam grit his teeth and nodded curtly. “Thanks.”

A handful of little white pills later, Sam was back in his seat, head in hand, waiting for relief to find him. He cradled his head in his hands, fingers splayed across his forehead, eyes glazing over the words set before him. It was slow going.

“Hey, bros,” Y/N greeted, taking the seat next to Sam as she set down three beers on the table. “Whatcha doin’?”

Dean happily reached for a beer. “Beating my high score.”

Sam sighed. “Working. Or trying to.” He looked up to find Y/N watching him intently and it made his heart race. “What’re y-you up to?” He could feel his cheeks flush and Y/N smiled.

“Oh, big day for me,” she said, sitting back with a beer. “I cleaned the bathroom- gross by the way,” she said, casting an eye at Dean. “You know you can rinse out the sink after you shave. It’s not hard.”

Dean waved a dismissive hand and failed to flip a Z piece in time. “Shit.”

“Yeah. Exactly.” She sighed and turned back to Sam who’s eyes had never left her face. “Then I did two loads of laundry,” she continued, ticking her chore list off on one hand. “Found my lost Blues Traveler tee- under the bed,” she added in a whisper, cupping her hand to her cheek as if it were a secret, “and just finished reorganizing 6A. Did you know we have jars full of random animal bones? Because...ew.”

Sam managed a daze laugh, but found it hard to look away from her perfect lips as they frowned in disgust. “Yeah. Bones.”

“So whatcha working on?” Y/N smiled and leaned over to look at his book, and Sam’s breath nearly stopped.

His eyes zoomed in on the delicate lines on her lips, the hint of teeth just between as she spoke, the way she bit the tip of her tongue just slightly when she smiled. His mouth was watering, his pulse pounding, so focused on her mouth as she came closer.

“Sam?”

Y/N laughed at his awkward stare and he nearly jumped out of his skin, startled back into himself.

“Yeah. Yes. Working.” He swallowed hard and shivered, prying his eyes from Y/N to the book. “Um… It’s-er- lore. From the- Romania on things.”

“OK…” Y/N shook her head at his ramblings and sat back, lifting the beer bottle to her lips. She puckered her mouth and took a delicate sip as her head tipped back, and Sam made a noise that turned all their heads, even his own.

“Dude,” Dean gasped across the table at the audible moan that pushed up from the back of Sam’s throat, and Sam quickly coughed, hoping to cover his mishap.

Y/N politely ignored the noise, turning her face away as an embarrassingly pleased smile tickled her lips. She took another drink, slower this time, and Sam could not stop himself.

His pupils went wide as he watched the muscles in her throat contract, as he saw her mouth move around the thick bottle neck. He groaned again and shifted in his seat, his pants growing tighter with unsolicited lust.

Dean sat forward and slapped a hand on the table to get Sam’s attention. “You OK, man?”

Sam startled and twisted in his chair, rubbing his damp palms over his thighs to dry them. “What? Yes. What? Why?”

Dean’s eyes narrowed in concern. “You’re all… shaky.”

Y/N, too, was watching Sam carefully. “And you’re sweating.” She put the beer down and leaned over, gently placing her wrist on Sam’s forehead. “Do you have a fever?”

Her touch felt like lightning, his entire body sparking with the feeling of her skin upon his. His heart skipped too many beats and when it came back, it was frantic and loud, banging against his ribs. He closed his eyes, wishing it all away, but Y/N’s sweet voice tickled his ear.

“Sam, are you feeling alright?”

His stomach tightened and his cock jumped, painfully swelling against the roughness of his jeans. “Uh…” He shuddered and took a deep breath, holding it until his shoulders stopped shaking. “W-will you excuse me, please?”

Sam jumped up before she could answer, dragging the old Romanian book on gypsies with him, holding it over his crotch as camouflage. He ran from the room, and Y/N looked at Dean with worried eyes.

“Something I said?”

Dean chewed his lip, pondering the situation, and excused himself as well after finishing his beer in two long pulls. “I’ll be right back.”

Sam was in the mouth of the hallway, filling up the cavernous passageway with not only his height but his frantic movements. He paced back and forth across the seven foot wide tiled expanse, his teeth gnawing at the middle nail of his left hand.

Dean approached quickly but gently. “Dude, what the fuck?”

Sam skidded to a halt and turned on his heel, eyes wide, sweat glistening on his forehead. “I don’t know. I don’t know. I can’t calm down. I’m like, my- with- and she- there was- I couldn’t sit there anymore. Do you know how soft her skin is?”

“Whoa.” Dean raised his hands carefully, trying to get Sam to calm down. “Reel it in, man.”

“I can’t. I can’t. It’s like my brain is jumping. And my heart is like- boom boom boom. Did you see Y/N’s lips on that bottle? Oh my god- it was like- wow.” Sam’s stomach flipped again and he bit his lip to keep in a moan. “What is happening!”

Dean shook his head, dumbfounded. “What the hell did you take?”

“Tylenol!” Sam snapped back. “You told me to take the tylenol in your room! Because somebody finished the Exce-”

“Oh...fuck.” Dean exhaled slowly and sought sanctuary on the ceiling, but found none.

“Dean…”

“Which bottle?”

Sam’s shoulders rose up to his ears. “Which bottle! The one in your nightstand. You said to take the Tylenol. I took the Tylenol. You said the one in your room. That’s the one I took. Why the fuck? What!”

Dean tread carefully. “Ya know, it’s no big deal,” he said with a fake laugh. “You’ll be fine.”

“What did you do!”

“I did nothing!” Dean defended, backing away slightly as Sam lurched forward. “You… may have taken some-”

“Some what, Dean?”

Dean let out a breath that rumbled his pursed lips. “Ecstasy?”

Sam’s explosion was instant and a little bit terrifying. The book dropped to the floor as both his massive hands rose to strangle the air in front of Dean’s face, inching ever closer to his actual neck. “What is ecstasy doing in the Tylenol, Dean!”

“You remember Chloe, right?” Dean said quickly, hoping to weasel out of danger with a memory. “The waitress from Lincoln with the sister who had the big…” He smirked, hands out and curved around his chest. “You remember. Anyway- I didn’t want to just leave it laying around so…”

Sam’s jaw was near to breaking with how tightly he gnashed his teeth together. “So you put it in the Tylenol?” His voice echoed down the hall and Dean shushed him quickly, lest Y/N come running.

“I forgot, OK? I was drunk. Anyway, it’s old. That was like three years ago. You’ll be fine. Just...go lay down. You’re freaking vibrating.”

Sam spun around three times, tugging at his hair as his muscles twitched. “Fuck. Fuck.”

“Go lay down and sleep it off,” Dean ordered, clamping a firm hand on his brother’s shoulder. “You’re fine.”

“Remind me to kill you tomorrow.”

“Will do, buddy.” Dean patted his back and gave him a push, sending Sam off to bed. “Goodnight.”

The sheets were so soft, Sam couldn’t stop touching them. He ran his hands down across the mattress, feeling every single thread in the woven fabric, wondering if he could count them all if he concentrated really hard.

The pillow was cool against his cheek. It rubbed against his face, so soft and cool, wicking away the heat from his skin until it was warm and he frowned, quickly flipping it over to feel the cold again. It was amazing.

He was burning up, sweating and prickling with energy. He could feel every hair on his body, every cell was alive and moving. It was maddening and incredible, and he wanted… something. He needed...something.

Y/N knocked, but Sam was too lost in his own frantically dancing thoughts to acknowledge her. She opened the door a crack, peeking in just to make sure he was decent.

“Sam?”

He jumped at the sound of her sweet voice and turned over quickly, sitting up to face her. “Hey, Y/N/N.”

She stepped inside and kicked the door shut with a tap of her heel. “I just wanted to check on you,” she said cheerfully, tossing a water bottle at him. “Feeling any better?”

He missed the catch and the bottle landed by his side on the bed. “Uh, yeah. Good. Why? How are you? Are you ok?” He rambled while trying to pick up the bottle, immediately distracted by the weight of the water and the way it felt moving in his hands. He stared into the clear plastic and Y/N raised her brows in worry.

“What is going on with you?”

“It's like holding an ocean,” he mused, entranced by a bubble near the cap.

“Right.” Cautiously, she came close and touched his hand, moving it and the bottle away from his eyes. “Sam…”

The touch of her fingers on his made Sam's blood sing. His focus zoomed in on her delicate hand, the supple, soft skin, the dimples of her knuckles. He couldn't breathe for what seemed like forever, his lungs frozen, body void of all function except the nerve endings that sizzled with her touch.

“Want…”

She cocked her head at his faint whisper and moved her hands to his cheeks, looking him over with concerned eyes. “Sam, what's wrong? Tell me what you need.”

He took a quick breath and looked up into her eyes, losing himself in the heat of her hands. “I need…”

She leaned closer, wanting to help, scared of the wild look in his eyes. “Tell me. Anything you need, Sam. I'm here.”

His pulse was pounding, loud in his ears; his skin was on fire, stomach churning with nerves. He breathed deep, trying to calm himself but finding no point. She was what he needed. Always had been. “I need...you.”

Her breath caught and Y/N shook her head gently, in confusion not disapproval. “What?”

“You,” he said again, eyes looking deep into hers. “I need you, Y/N.”

“Are you-”

Sam laid his hands on top of hers, his eyes rolling a bit at the softness of her skin. “High? A little. Yeah. Dean and the- it's a long story there was a waitress with- it doesn't matter.” She let him ramble, amazed by the strange lightness of his voice. Sam stumbled over his own tongue, words spilling out before he could think them through. “The point isn't about the waitress. I had a headache and- Y/N… can I?”

She laughed gently. “Can you what, Sam?”

“I wanna kiss you. Can I- um...may I kiss you?”

Heart in her throat, unable to answer, Y/N simply nodded and chewed nervously at her lip, waiting for the kiss she'd wanted since the moment they'd met.

Sam's face lit up with a smile. “Really?” He moved his hands from hers to hover over her cheeks, unsure if he should let them land. He could feel the space between them, their auras touching, atoms ricocheting off each other in the tiny gap.

“Yes, Sam,” she sputtered in a whisper. “Kiss me.”

It wasn't a kiss, it was an explosion. Sam let go of every nervous doubt, every worry, every self conscious thought that had ever passed behind his hazel eyes and finally took a leap two and a half years in the making.

His fingertips landed on the apples of her cheeks and he pushed upwards, taking her lips without a second thought. The feeling was maddening and Sam sealed his eyes shut tight, enjoying the sensations sparking against his mouth. She breathed against him, parting her lips to snake her tongue across his mouth and Sam moaned loudly, his hands moving to grab hold of her neck and shoulders, pulling her down.

They fell onto the bed; sheet billowing around them as their bodies tangled. Sam kissed her again and again, unable to decide which kiss felt better: the quick press of warm lips, or a lingering, soft pull. When her tongue touched his again, he gave up trying to analyze and licked into her mouth like a starving man.

Y/N tried to roll off of his chest, but Sam followed her, turning onto his side so that as much of him was touching as much of her as he could manage. The very thought of moving his hands away from her body was sheer panic, and he clung to her with all he had.

“God, you feel so good,” he panted in between kisses, holding her close. He ran his hand up and down her side, marveling at the dip at her waist and the softness of her hips. “I never knew it could feel so good. Fuck. I…” His voice was cracking, nervousness creeping back into his mind. What if she didn't want more, what if she was just here because he was a wreck? His fingertips paused at the hem of her shirt, twitching as he debated reaching under the cotton. “Can I- I need to- feel you.”

Y/N kissed him hard and grabbed his hand, guiding it up underneath her shirt. Sam stiffened as she pressed his palm against her breast and he let loose a husky growl.

“Touch me, Sam,” she urged, squeezing his hand so that his fingers curled around her. “I want you to.”

He sighed against her lips and the animal inside took over. Sam lifted her with him as he sat up, quickly pulling her shirt off. He stared for a moment, stunned by the dip between her breasts and the soft mounds caged and held high by her bra. When Y/N unhooked the clasp and pulled the fabric away, Sam dove down, locking his mouth around her nipple, and feeling the flesh harden against his tongue. He hummed, feeling every dimple like a spark of fire on his lips, and he sucked hard, drawing a husky moan from Y/N.

“Fuck, Sam!” She pushed her fingers through his hair, nails scraping his scalp. When he bit down on her, she yanked a fistful of hair and Sam let her tit fall from his mouth as his head flew backwards, eyes rolling as tortured pleasure spread through him like icy fingers down his spine.

“Do it again,” he breathed, chest heaving, lips wet and parted.

Y/N pulled his hair again and he let out a wail of desperation and sank back onto the bed.

“You feel so good,” he murmured, reaching for her hips to pull her close. “Everything feels so good.”

She wiggled her arm out from beneath his head and tossed a leg over him, straddling his trim hips. Sam looked up with dark eyes that struggled to focus, his lips trembling as she plucked his shirt buttons open. His hands traveled slowly up her thighs, massaging with unmappable touches as he tried to feel all of her at once. By the time his hands cupped her breasts again, Y/N had his flannel open and she bent down to lick at his chest while pushing the cotton further from his broad shoulders.

“Oh-my-god.” He was near to hysteria, every atom in his body craving more. “Please.”

The tip of her tongue flickered, hot, over his left nipple and Sam nearly roared as the sensation zapped through him. Y/N sat back then and rubbed her ass over his jeans, making his eyes roll back hard.

“I-I-fuck, please...” His jaw dropped as she rocked forward again, denim on denim, rough yet gentle; friction heating the air between them and making his cock swell even harder.

Y/N tugged her hand through his long hair once more, loving the silkiness between her fingers, the pathetic cry it pulled from his throat. “You need something else, baby?”

“Need-”

She yanked the chestnut strands, winding her fingers around the soft locks until her knuckles grazed his scalp.

“Tell me.”

Sam opened his eyes, struggling to focus on her, panting as the pain spread like delicious fire across his skull. “Need to fuck you. Please.”

Another firm tug lifted his chin and Y/N kissed him hard, plunging her tongue into his dazed mouth, lapping at the stale taste of beer and mint that lingered on his tongue. “You sure?”

His head lolled to the side when her hand disappeared. “Yes. Please. Please.”

Zippers were ripped, buttons snapped and belts opened, drawers discarded. Sam could barely stand it. The slide of his own hands as he undressed drove him insane; the sight of Y/N stripping for him made his heart beat dangerously fast.

Finally, she came back to him, hopping back into his lap, taking his lips again as she slid down, slowly impaling herself on his enormous erection. She inched down as gently as she could, holding her breath against his mouth as her cunt stretched for him.

Sam held on, wrapping his arms tight around her back, holding her close so neither would fall. His head was spinning, his blood rushing too fast, pounding in his ears.

“Please…”

“It’s OK, Sam,” Y/N whispered, kissing his cheek sweetly, “I got this…”

Dean tripped over his bootlace in the hallway but caught himself and laughed it off, thankful that no one was around to see his balancing ballet. Realizing he was putting himself in mortal danger, he finally shut down his game and stashed the phone in his back pocket, sighing as he said adieu to his high score.

“I could go professional,” he mused as he passed Sam’s room. “Do they do tournaments for Tetris?” He paused, scrunching up his nose as he thought about the ridiculousness of such an idea.

“Hey, Sam?” Dean spun on his heel and headed back to Sam’s bedroom, lifting a closed fist to knock on the door. “Do they do Tetris- oh...”

Just as quickly as he had before, Dean spun around again, this time smirking as the unmistakable sounds of fevered lovemaking made their way through the ancient door. Shaking his head, Dean made a mental note to ask Sam about his new money-making idea in the morning. That, and what he and Y/N had gotten up to thanks to his accidental drugging.

Dean laughed to himself. “Poor kid needs to be stoned to make a move.”

From behind the door, Y/N let out a wail, screaming Sam’s name without care.

Dean paused for a moment to listen, nodding proudly before heading off to bed. “That’s my boy.”

2020 Forever Tags: @67-chevy-baby @akshi8278 @akhuna01 @amanda-teaches @because-imma-lady-assface @blondemarvelchick @blushingjared @broiderie @burningcoffeetimetravel @classic-rock-angel @cosicas-cuquis @covered-byroses @crashdevlin @deansgirl215 @deans-baby-momma @deangirl7695 @deanwanddamons @deanwinchesterswitch @defenderrosetyler @dolphincliffs @dontshootmespence @edge-oftonight @emoryhemsworth @fandom-princess-forevermore @feelmyroarrrr @flamencodiva @focusonspn @herbologystudent252 @heycasbutt @hornyandsmol @ilovefanfic86 @i-love-superhero @ilsawasanacrobat @imjustadrummer @ivvitm1109 @joseyrw @justagirlinafandomworld @justcallmeasmodeus @katymacsupernatural @laxe-from-outer-space @leatherandfrackles @lessons-of-red @letsby @letsdisneythings @lonewolf471 @maddiepants @mariekoukie6661 @meganwinchester1999 @missjenniferb @mrswhozeewhatsis @mummybear @onethirstyunicorn @our-jensen-ackles-love @screechingartisancashbailiff @spn-dean-and-sam-winchester @starboycas @stephaniecanfield96us @stoneyggirl @squirrelnotsam @thebookisbtr @thehardcoveraddict @thevelvetseries @veevm @winchestersister55 @wendibird @winecatsandpizza @winterpoohbear

#sam x reader #dean #smut #spnkinkbingo 2020

362 notes · View notes

comradegeorge · 3 years

Note

For me as a dnf truther, it's not really about the individual moments but the accumulation of everything. It's kinda like I had a dnf meter that slowly filled up over time and then, after one moment too many, it exploded into truther goggles.

Part of it is just how differently they treat each other compared to everyone else. I mean, there are a lot of things d&g have done and behaviors they exhibit that aren't unique to how they treat their other friends (though there definitely are some things that are unique to just them). But, to use my previous analogy, the meter between them compared to the meters they have with their other friends is vastly different—d&g's meter is far more filled. Does that make sense? They tick off too many boxes. It's like... Dream may do so-and-so with Sapnap, not just with George, but Dream also does x, y, and z with only George and never with Sapnap. Or: George does x with Dream and Quackity, y with Dream and Sapnap, and z with Dream and Callahan, and the common denominator between all those things is Dream. (Not listing specific examples because my point is quantity, but by "x, y, and z" I mean things that can just be taken as homiesexual moments, but can also be seen as possibly romantic depending on circumstances)

Idk I hope this makes sense. I'm sick and kind of delirious right now so I'm probably going to regret typing this later, but... different perspectives are always interesting and your takes are always very well-put even when I don't agree with them, so I am curious to hear your thoughts.

i totally get that !! dream n george are pretty mutually obsessed, whether that comes from a place of romance or a very strong platonic friendship. ig from my perspective i lean more towards the latter because my own closest friendships are the same, Special Person type vibes? while also never developing romantic feelings for each other. i've always thought that the only thing that Really separates platonic from romantic feelings is the actual. romantic attraction. and not necessarily who u prioritize or who u would rather spend time with or even who u see urself spending the rest of ur life with (which i acknowledge might not be a common definition lol), so although i think dnf have a unique friendship, i've never /rly/ thought it was /r.

and i also !!! think it's fun to see different perspectives (especially if ppl dont agree tbh) bc we all perceive things differently due to our varying circumstances and experiences, but ultimately we're all really just seeing all this (a few hours of sometimes edited, sometimes reaction-fueled content) through a screen, and the only ppl who will ever truly know if there's any truth to the jokes or the pandering r dnf themselves ^-^

#long post #i appreciate this take anon it was v interesting and eloquent ^-^#and i hope you feel better soon!!!!

4 notes · View notes

incorrect-nozaki-kun · 4 years

Text

NSFW Alphabet Headcanons: Hori Masayuki

As the winner of the simp poll the first totally nsfw post on this blog goes to short king himself Hori. If y’all want this for the rest of the characters let me know Original template by @fairy-tail-babes ALL CHARACTERS ARE 18+ IN THESE SITUATIONS

A = Aftercare (What they’re like after sex)

You can’t convince me Hori ISN’T the king of aftercare. Need water? He’ll get it. Food? Sure hang on. Just wanna chill? He’s down

B = Body part (Their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

I mean we know he’s a legs guy and that probably means he’s more of an ass man too but definitely legs are his thing

On himself he likes his hands. He may not be tall but he’s good with his hands I’m sorry I had to

C = Cum (Anything to do with cum basically… I’m a disgusting person)

I mean man runs on like, red bull and spite so he’s not gonna taste great I’m gonna be real here but it’s not super watery or messy so it’s okay

D = Dirty Secret (Pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

Everyone thinks he wouldn’t want his partner to wear shoes that make them taller bc he’s already pretty short but like he’s got a thing for heels. Gender doesn't matter he likes his partners in heels...and just heels

E = Experience (How experienced are they? Do they know what they’re doing?)

By college I think people have TRIED to get with him but I’m gonna be real mans has no firsthand experience he’s a romantic at heart

F = Favourite Position (This goes without saying. Will probably include a visual)

Hori likes to be on top. If he isn’t on top he’s still in control so any position that allows him control he’s happy

G = Goofy (Are they more serious in the moment, or are they humorous, etc)

I mean Hori’s capable of having fun and goofing off so I don't think he’s completely stoic and serious he’ll smile and joke occasionally but mostly he's in the moment not trying to make jokes

H = Hair (How well groomed are they, does the carpet match the drapes, etc.)

He really can’t be assed to actively groom it but he’ll clean it up if it’s getting too wild

I = Intimacy (How are they during the moment, romantic aspect…)

I think it depends on how he’s feeling that day. Sometimes he’s very sweet and romantic and sometimes he just needs to let off some steam you know?

J = Jack Off (Masturbation headcanon)

The man has no time to himself he doesn’t really have the time to enjoy himself alone. When he does though it’s 100% in the shower where he can relax.

K = Kink (One or more of their kinks)

...can we all agree that Hori is the kinkiest of all the squad?

Hori is a dom. Not an intense one but he likes to be in control you know? Lowkey bc of the height thing but mostly just his personality

He’s also into hair pulling idk why I just know he is

L = Location (Favourite places to do the do)

Storage closet next question

M = Motivation (What turns them on, gets them going)

Legs

He’s also a sucker for big shiny/pretty eyes

His partner deadass just has to ask he’s not like constantly horny but he’s down to go pretty much any time he can turn it on and off almost at will

N = NO (Something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

He’s not gonna be mean to his partner

He knows its a kink and some people enjoy it but he’s really just not gonna insult his partner or hurt them he’s like “the point is to feel good why do you want to be in pain”

O = Oral (Preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc)

Hori’s better with his hands but he can gets the job done regarding oral and will do so if his partner asks

100% prefers receiving he’s that asshole that puts his hands behind his head and relaxes

P = Pace (Are they fast and rough? Slow and sensual? etc.)

As much as Hori is kind of a tease/a little shit regarding sex he’ll usually go slow but with hard thrusts

Q = Quickie (Their opinions on quickies rather than proper sex, how often, etc.)

Exception to the above is quickies which he loves

He’s that guy who will pull his partner into a closet or something, hook up, then leave the closet looking completely put together while his partner looks like a tornado hit them

R = Risk (Are they game to experiment, do they take risks, etc.)

He likes stuff that feels like a risk but really isn't TOO much

Like he’s not gonna bang on a public train but he’ll give his partner oral in a bathroom stall you know?

S = Stamina (How many rounds can they go for, how long do they last…)

Man has pretty okay stamina he’ll go for a couple rounds but they’re LONG rounds

T = Toy (Do they own toys? Do they use them? On a partner or themselves?)

He doesn’t personally own any but if his partner hands him one to use he is 100% down

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

Lmao so much Hori is a massive tease it’s the power trip he loves it

V = Volume (How loud they are, what sounds they make)

He isn't super loud mostly just heavy breathing but his moans are probably really nice to listen to when he does get close to finishing

W = Wild Card (Get a random headcanon for the character of your choice)

When Hori get’s drunk and he’s single he WILL hit on everything and everyone and then leave to go home alone bc he likes flirting but doesn’t actually wanna hook up with a stranger and it is HILARIOUS to watch

X = X-Ray (Let’s see what’s going on in those pants, picture or words)

Not that long but thicc™ and he knows how to use it

Y = Yearning (How high is their sex drive?)

I like to think he’s constantly at 50/50. Like he could go either way unless it’s really been a while. if his partner wants to fuck he’s cool. If they don't that's also cool he’s got other shit to do

Z = ZZZ (… how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

Not that tired unless it’s been an intense round but he usually just needs a breather than he’s down to do other stuff

#mgnk #gsnk #monthly girls' nozaki kun #monthly girls nozaki kun #Gekkan Shoujo Nozaki-kun #headcanon #gsnk headcanon #MGNK Headcanon #anime headcanon #HC #Masayuki Hori #Hori Masayuki #gsnk hori #mgnk hori

36 notes · View notes

sevensav--d-archived · 3 years

Text

@oceansofrp sent 🔥 🔥 🔥

Send me a “ 🔥 “ for an unpopular opinion.

🔥 Ty you’re the perfect person for me to go off about this first one with- lets talk about ocs.

OCs are often treated badly in this RPC.

As ya’ll know, I write ocs. I write a lot of them, I write a grand total of.... Eleven, with varying degrees of activity. So obviously, this is an issue that I not only care about, but it effects me GREATLY. I don’t write any canon characters (anymore) bc I can’t take the pressure of being ic and true to canon bc I’m a stickler for canon. Anyway.

OCs. We’ve all probably had them at some point. IF you’ve been around long enough there was even a server dedicated to them that I was a part of. And in being in that server and writing ocs, I have made some observations.

-OC Popularity is often directly linked to either the popularity of the writer. Chances are, if you’re a popular blog that writes canons.... If you offer an OC, people will like them. Blogs are popular because the writing is good and the writer is friendly, so obviously, your OC will be appealing. This?? Isn’t a bad thing. It’s just something that I have noticed. I’ll never really get all that mad at an oc for being popular lol. I might get jealous but like. I won’t do jack about it.

-OCs are often better than canon characters. I said it. Lets face it, Horikoshi has so many characters that he can’t make all of them as fleshed out and well cooked like the protagonists and the main antagonists. OCs offer fresh new blood to the story we all know and love, and they might just end up spicing up what your blog canon is. Seriously, I’d fuckin kill to see some of the OC’s ive met in the actual publicization. And we can all agree, any OC is better than Mineta. /lh Anyway, holding canon characters i nthe highest regard of who’s worth writing and who’s worth writing with, you’re only holding yourself back,

-People are often stinky about family of canon character OCs and I think people shouldn’t brush them off so readily. Like. Bro, *holds up Hideki Kirishima* this boy is canon idc what you say. IT’s fun to make the world a little bigger. Indulge a bit, see how it feels to give your canon muse a sibling. Just. JUST DO IT.

-People avoid oc muses with bitchin powers As if our main characters aren’t OP as hell. Like. Come one. We’re having fun don;t make us feel bad. Communicate and talk about things. Just bc my OC has a quirk that COULD kill yours immediately, doesn’t mean I’m gonna make it happen without your permission. People are quick to assume that OCs godmod. Stop that.

-SO MANY PEOPLE HAVE OCS BUT ARE SCARED TO WRITE THEM. Y’all. It’s okay. Please, write your ocs. People will come to them, I swear. Some of my favorite ocs pretty much had to be coaxed out of people, and now i can’t imagine these ocs not running around. We should be confident in our creations. It takes a huge amount of skill to create a new character from scratch.

🔥 That actually kinda brings me into my next thing, which is what I like to call the Just Make And OC moment. I’ve seen this in a lot of fandoms, and I’ve started to see it more and more in this community. What is this moment?

Say you’re writing a canon character. You think, hey, I like this character, but what if.... X. So, you roll with it, you do X. You like it, you keep it. And then, you’re like... What if.... Y. And you do that too. Great, you’re having fun. But then, you’re like... Z... I REALLY want Z. And these can be small things, but more often than not, they’re BIG things. Big, CHARACTER CHANGING things.

We all have the freedom to interpret canon how we want, and write our muses how we want.... But... What if you just... Took everything you just did.... And just... Made an OC. Like, you’ve changed core elements of the character so much that they’re barely recognizable. just give them a new name, maybe change the hair color and BOOM. You have a GREAT OC to start with. I used to be in the Undertale RPC and Fandom and if you’re familiar you know that Undertale is just... AU City. And it’s fun, I’m glad people have fun- but if you’re changing literally everything about a character, even their NAME... It’s just?? Why bother, just make an OC. It’s fine. BC if you think about it, you’re not really an alternate universe, it’s the MHA universe and its character that you’re altering. And there’s a point where... You’ve just made your own character, and that’s sick as hell.

I’m not talking like... Those things where “Oh yeah it’s all the same except instead of dying, Magne lives and has a beautiful husband and lives to be one hundred” or “This is a verse where a villain character gets rehabbed into heroic society” because those are things that wont take away or add too much to the character. It’s more like you’re opening a door for new things without adding or taking away too much. It’s when you diverge so far from the character... THAT’S when the Just Make An OC Moment kicks in.

PART of the reason I think people don’t just do this is they like being connected to the canon character, bc it means that they can still garner interest but chances are, if you already have people interested in writing with you, they will happily take your oc.

All that to say, if you write a canon divergent canon character, don’t stop, if it makes you happy. Like, seriously this is just something I see and feel. But also dont? Be surprised? If people aren’t super on board? I don’t really like to write with straight up moral flipped characters bc i feel like... If Deku was a sadistic villain brought up by AFO instead of his mom, he ain’t Deku anymore. THATS JUST ME, but I’m not the only person who feels that way. People might just want that classic vanilla canon, and you shouldn’t make people feel guilty for it, in my opinion. Keep doing what makes you happy, and let other folks to the same.

Also, it’s not your place to tell someone what they should or shouldn’t do. If someone writes a canon divergent and you don’t like the divergences, move on. It’s not your business. That’s not what I’m doing, I’m just saying that sometimes I am bothered by this, because to me it seems like a lot of these canon divergent canons are in essence, OCs, but since they still have the canon’s name and face strapped to it, it gets more love and attention. And that bugs me, and I will point it out! I’m not sorry for it.

I know this one will make me lose some of you so I’m sorry.

🔥 I’m running out of juice but uh can we talk about how blogs about minor characters are the fucking tits bc like i said earlier Horikoshi has so many characters he left a lot of side characters with next to no bones and the people who take those bones and stuff them full of flesh??? Chefs kiss. That’s kind of my exception to the Just Make An OC Moment. At some point, that character just BELONGS to that person, like Spinner belongs to Eros, or how Meow created a Hawks’ dad that is so much better than what we got, and Flowers literally created Wash.

#long post #**salty bones

3 notes · View notes

phoebehalliwell · 4 years

Note

hi! do you have any headcanons abt henry jr. particularly as the only nonmagical member of the fam?

i most definitely do!! okay, so for starters, both kat & tam were raised “without magic”; they still went to magic school and paige definitely used magic around the house but they had no active powers, just like henry. and they were all raised on these grand stories their mom would tell of these amazing adventures of the charmed ones and how they were all going to have these great adventures of their own what i’m getting at was for like the first six or seven years of his life henry thought he was magical. it wasn’t until all three of the mitchell kids were with piper and piper was explaining certain elements of her power to the twins and telling them how to use it once their powers get unbound and all that and henry was like what about me what will my power do? and piper’s like you have the most special power of all because you’re really smart & good at learning : ) and then like immediately texted paige like honey you need to explain to henry he isn’t magical bc the longer you wait the harder it’s gonna get.

it’s actually henry sr. who sits his son down and explains to him that he’s not like his sister or his mother, but how that’s not necessarily a bad thing. he’s mortal, but that doesn’t mean he can’t help people and do great things without magic. and henry sr. really tries to sell him on this whole idea of being a mortal, especially one that knows about magic, gives you a completely new viewpoint on the world, and allows you to see and understanding things in ways no one else will. (and uhh between you & me it doesn’t really convince baby henry that much but the fact that his dad takes him on fun little “mortals only” adventures helps)

uhh that being said henry still really Really wishes he was magical. uhh enter the reading phase. so, for starters, henry was already like smart and really good at / enjoyed reading. but in this sorta late elementary school thru middle school period he develops sorta two obsessions: 1) ya (specifically fantasy) novels. because all of these novels sorta follow the same basic rules of the plain protagonist becoming something great, being whisked away to this great world where they find out they have magic, where they find out they have this amazing destiny to fulfill, the nobody to somebody progression. and uhh henry really craves that. he really wishes that he is somehow magic, in some overlooked way, in some way that will manifest and prove him to be great enough to be a significant part of the charmed line, not some mortal afterthought. and then 2) magical texts/histories. and this is sorta the more shameful/secretive ones, the books he reads under the covers with a flashlight bc he just doesn’t want anyone to know that he spends hours scouring texts and stories of the charmed ones and various magical creatures desperately trying to find something he could be. no one knew who his biological parents were, it could be possible that somehow magical blood runs through his veins. he studies telekinesis and then and midnight hops out of his bed and spends an hour trying to knock a book off his shelf. he reads about orbing and it’s mechanics and tries to move himself across the room. his studies different creatures, and tests how high he can jump, how fast he can run, how long he can hold his breath underwater, trying to find some trait of him that could somehow be significant. (and of course, he keeps all of these trials secret to the best of his ability bc he would be embarrassed as all hell if it ever came out)

eventually, his studies of magical texts become less of a desperate search for something in his bloodline to more a flex on other witches. bc yeah, they might have magic, but he can still hold his head high knowing he will know more than they ever will. when tam & kat get their powers unbound and their practice moves from the hypothetical to the practical, henry still goes with his sisters to magic school, but instead of spending time in the classroom, he chooses to spend his time in the library.

he also loves studying the book of shadows. yeah, the library has loads more information on its walls then the book could ever contain, but the book has heart. it has this undeniable spirit and energy that ties to countless generations of the warren line, and he really likes to run his hands over the pages and pretend he’s really a part of the warren line (which his family is always ready to fight him on this and say he is a part of the line and blood doesn’t matter, but he’s just like come on guys. you’re my family and i love you but the warren line is a line of witches and i am undeniably not a part of that. but he still likes to imagine).

and y’know like henry’s like twelve or thirteen or something but he really has a lot of information and an insanely through knowledge of book and he’s just like flipping through it or minding his own business in the attic when wyatt (who at this point would be seventeen or eighteen) orbs in looking to id the demon he’s currently after and henry’s like oh you know like what’s it like and he really you know doesn’t want to be an asshole about it or imply he knows more than wyatt (though if you’re outside the family and questioned this kids intelligence he’s demolish you) henry really tries to pass it off as a casual curiosity/polite conversation. and wyatt’s like well im looking for this one demon with like x, y, & z and henry’s like have you thought about this demon? and he’s definitely right and wyatt can tell how much this w means for henry and really starts this sorta tradition of trying to incorporate henry into the research phase of demon fighting (which henry absolutely loves)

and it’s sorta like this self-feeding cycle he gets this role bc he knows a lot but he feels like because he has this role he has to know even more so if you feel like he was a voracious reader before,,,, whew boy are you not ready for now ( in my canon henry Can read latin). and i feel like he’s really close with wyatt bc wyatt is Also A Nerd and genuinely loves to hear henry ramble about this cool new thing that he learned and i feel like wyatt’s totally game to go get boba with henry and hear about all these things the kids been learning i feel like these two have a really close bond.

and while i’m on the subject of relationships, i feel like henry was definitely one of those kids who had more girl friends than he did guy friends bc a lot of his formative years were spent with his sisters who in turn spent a lot of time with melinda and pj as all four of of those girls were born in 07. so like you know henry would do movie nights with mellie, tam, kat, pj, & parker (and then peyton when she was old enough to watch movies without getting nightmares)

and you know right now he’s like seventeen and a senior in high school and i feel like he’s pretty settled into who he is. he and his dad definitely still to their little “mortals only” adventures, and like a part of him will always sorta be bummed that he isn’t magical, but he’s come to terms with who he is. and he’s not gonna let the fact that he is a mortal you know like hold him back or diminish him, because he is a part of the charmed legacy and the warren line, and he is carving out his own role for himself. and everyone else in the family definitely recognizes him as capable and yeah sometimes he does get left behind bc it’s objectively too dangerous to bring a mortal along and he’s gotten pretty good at being okay with that (or telling himself he’s okay with that). he knows who he is and who he is is undeniably self made. he didn’t coast by on some unearned, hand-me-down skill, and he wears that fact with pride. he may be mortal, but he doesn’t let anyone look down on him for it.

#can you tell i love henry jr #charmed #next gen #henry mitchell jr #charmed next gen #margaretsminiessays #💌

13 notes · View notes

deathvsthemaiden · 4 years

Text

Tagged by @kashilascorner to answer these writing questions! I’m not really a writer myself but her answers were v interesting+I know some other writers whose answers to these questions I wouldn’t mind seeing 👀 (I’m going stir crazy courtesy of quarantine+am nosy 🤗) warning/disclaimer/run while you still can alert: bc these qs are aimed at writers and I’m not one these answers aren’t going to “make sense” or “fit” per say, apologies in advance ✌🏽 I draw for fun though so my answers reflect that :P

1. When did you start writing?

I remember in elementary and middle school...I used to draw all sorts of random people in intricate outfits, and would get super into it, and through middle school to early high school especially I was a serial doodler who got in trouble alllll the time (I hold some petty, bitter grudges against a handful of teachers still.) (My eyes may have been on paper instead of on you but I was listening jerkwad! 😑) and like...fantasy was the 1st genre I fell in love with so I would try to come up with stories and whatnot for them but I was (am) so easily distracted and hapless that it went nowhere but I didn’t super mind. I just wanted to draw pretty outfits and the numerous (numerous) other images in my head and....still do. Writing stories requires a little more consistency and commitment than I’m willing to give 🤭😳 To sum up: I am flighty and can’t write for fun so I’ve never honest and to god began 🤷🏽‍♀️

2. Is there any special method that helps you getting to write?

(This is abt academic writing bc aside from texts it’s what I do most) I’m a mostly stationary lump of flesh and time is my catapult. I wait till deadlines are too close for comfort, pump myself full of caffeine, listen to music non stop and suffer suffer suffer.

Or on increasingly less rare (thank god) occasions when I am almost on top of things, I listen to music and pace around my room, typing in the google docs app on my phone while I type out garbled stream-of-consciousness notes-to-self, while considering the prompt, so future me has /something/ to work with. With the pacing it takes longer to write than when I’m at a desk but like. It’s less painful and I barely notice.

3. Do you listen to certain types of music to set the mood?

I have low tolerance for any slow/sad/soulful/hypnotic/crying songs so anything upbeat works and also I NEED lyrics most of the time, I have an almost as low tolerance for instrumentals. Like they’re fine but I also find myself sitting there waiting for something to “happen” (I’m sorry shcjfnfn) I listen to music while doing most things and, like pacing, I think it elongates tasks but also makes them less painful so!

4. Drawing, moodboards, character makers, music lists or none of those options?

All of those are fun, usually music and other people’s art is what inspires me to draw most though.

5. Would you prefer a big Hollywoodesque adaptation, a smaller project coming from the heart or no adaptation at all?

I usually have medium to major gripes with the most popular/big adaptations of books I feel strongly about so the 2nd option ✌🏽

6. Do you have any taboos or topics you try to actively avoid?

I’ll answer this as a reader. I have my limits to how much suffering I can read child characters in particular go through like I’ve dropped a book or two before for disturbing me too much in that regard. They weren’t bad!! I just personally didn’t wanna weather through that so I didn’t. I dropped Arundathi Roy’s The God of Small Things because of this, even though I loveddd the prose! :( I might try out her other book (books?) one day though. Stories dealing with such dark topics are important when done right etc. I just can’t stomach them 8/10 times

7. Are you in favor or against spoilers?

If the opportunity to experience whatever is being spoiled myself is unlikely/a long time coming/difficult to attain (because it has to be translated, localized, I need to wait a while to get my hands on a copy etc) I’m probably really really eager for spoilers and will search them out/ask people. If it’s something that consistently thrills me I /definitely/ do not want spoilers though!

Trying to get spoilers from me for things I love and have recommended is usually difficult, like I’ll do it you just have to show me you reallllly are sure you want this splendiddddd story ruineD for you! D:< (I joke. Spoilers don’t ruin good stories, not completely anyway)

8. Have you ever written something to appease or spite somebody else?

To appease? That’s my whole academic “”career”” lollll *shot* not to spite no! Sounds painstaking....like you need to make eff*rt 🥴 or smth.... 😬 mad and sincere respect to anyone out there with the drive to do that though! I’m just not that kind of gal......... I’m more than open to like. Proposing alternative versions of stuff that’s dissatisfied me when talking to friends (like x SUCKED it would’ve been so much better if y and z and t and v! Don’t u agree?) and I’ve drawn a few fan arts before where I like, edit character designs that infuriate me for being tasteless.

9. Being given the options “Candy Valley of the Lollipop” or “Cliff of Despair and Looming”, which one would you say approximates better to your WIP’s general aesthetic?

Hmm. Probs candy valley, Most of my ideas for drawing are like sunny in terms of mood, if that makes any sense. I love my fiction (as in the stuff I consume, not make) on the darker side though as long as it’s not like, pointless and obnoxious about it.

10. A media you weren’t expecting to inspire you, but does.

Hmm. Realistic fiction is nice but I can’t subsist on it, I need fantasy and magical realism and whatnot to stay sane, but sometimes I read a realistic fiction book and I have such crystal clear images of the scenes in my head and it impacts me so strongly that I really, really (really) am inspired to draw them (The Overstory by Richard Powers and The Little Friend by Donna Tartt come to mind)

Tagging: @howaboutswords @pinkafropuffs @adorakeys and anyone who sees this and would like to answer these questions totally should!! Tag me! 🏷

#ty for the tag+apologies for the delay!✨#tagged in #this is a lot of rambling shxjdndnnd

4 notes · View notes

cryptidofthekeys · 4 years

Text

May I present to you- the babs

Okay so let me start off by saying I legit worked on these guys ALL day yesterday, mind you a few breaks of course! even then uhh breaks... didnt do me much good... my arm hurt like a b i t c h- but im super proud- god, just, these babs are gonna be fun to write with ....eventually- not now- god no- arm machine broke- I’ll put this under a keep reading btw so it aint too much a hassle

Names: Ashton (Ashton is the Sniper), Vincent (Vincent is the Spy and he's the leader of the group), and finally Erwin (he's the Medic) | Nicknames: Ash, Vin (Ash loves to call him Vinny much to his dismay but eh he'll be fine), and Erwin doesn't really have any nicknames he cares for tbh- just call him by his name | Genders: Male | Species/Race: Androids/Robots | Heights: Ashton is 8'7", Vincent is 9'5" making him the tallest of the group, and Erwin is only 5'0" making him the shortest of our lovely little group here | Hair Colors: Ashton's hair color (not that'll ye'll see much of it, he usually keeps his hat on) but his hair color is: Hickory Brown and honestly its just super messy underneath that hat, Vincent's hair is Pitch Black and slicked back, annnd finally Erwin's hair is dyed a: Mint Green (his hair is a Messy Undercut style) | Eye Colors: Ashton's is an Icy Blue, Vincent's is Imperial Red, and Erwin has heterochromia, his eyes are a light pastel blue and a Mint Green color | Appearances: Let's start off with Ashton bc why not, first off I gotta say- despite what the normal tf2 bots look like, these babs ACTUALLY look like r e a l mercs, real people, there's only a few ways to tell their androids and that's by looking closely at their open wounds which I'll get to all their prominent wounds in a moment, first up... Ashton usually wears punk-like clothing, or something similar- he has leather jackets with TONS of spikes on them, gloves with spikes on them, pants with the chains that hang down and don't forget them sweet sweet combat boots, he also tends to wear some of those face masks, most of the ones he owns has sharp teeth patterns on it but one in particular that he owns has eyes all over it (all of them are black, his clothing is either black or just REALLY dark colors in general) However, when Vincent and them aren't doing business stuff or whatever, he usually wears again, its mostly dark clothing but he doesn't give a shit what he wears like, t-shirts, tank-tops, whatever- that's when you can PROPERLY see his wounds and this android has a TON of them, v e r y open wounds that expose tons of wiring and robotic-y insides as well, so many various parts, so many w i r e s... just o o f- oh and for all of them I'll say they ALL have facial hair, Ashton has a circle beard, Vincent has a short boxed beard, and Erwin's is REALLY just stubble to get that out of the way, ahem- anyways, Ashton actually DOES have sharp teeth, a few rows of them actually. Now... Onto big boss man Vincent, Vincent is a fancy man for sure, fitting considering he's supposed to be an android/robot of the Spy, like Ashton, he H A T E S bright colored clothing but its for different reasons aside from bright ones just being irritating to look at, it also messes with his sensors actually, he's the only one out of the group who has that problem- the other's sensors aren't bothered at all by bright clothing, anyways- Vincent usually wears dark colored suits, not just black n brown though he has MULTIPLE options, dark red, dark blue, etc- I could go on- he has a LOT of fancy clothing, even his s h o e s are fancy, oh and uh he wears the typical leather gloves and that balaclava/ski mask lookin thing ya know the usual spy attire there blah blah, he also sometimes wears fedoras or some sorta fancy hat n stuff, unlike Ashton he doesn't have rows of razor bladed teeth, his teeth are just- normal tbh but that doesn't make him any less dangerous- he has a few wounds actually, one on his back that reveals some robotic parts and has a few wires sticking out although it doesn't seem to bother him too much, a has a really large stab wound on his chest that has some wires sticking out of there as well and reveals some rather serious looking parts- this one actually bothers him a little bit but he tries his damnedest to keep it hidden. and finally... Erwin, he usually wears pastel clothing with cute designs on them long sleeved t-shirts, hoodies, sweaters, etc- even his p a n t s are pastel colors! He does try to make sure the pastels aren't TOO bright or anything, he doesn't want Vincent's sensors to malfunction nor does he want to irritate his friends! He has TONS of openings that'd reveal a BUNCH of tattered wires, its a wonder he's even still functional at this point, a lot of his parts and wires are tattered and not in a VERY good condition, but he doesn't seem to let it stop him! His voice box is a little... messed up but he's still fully intelligible, sometimes it DOES make him stutter, sometimes it cuts out completely but he always somehow finishes his sentences in the end even if he has to start over, he's self conscious about his voice box messing up sometimes and he's DEFINITELY self conscious about all the scars he has over him, its partially why he wears hoodies/sweaters the MOST out of all the other clothing, he doesn't want people to see all his tattered wires n scars! He does have four prominent canines but other than that, his teeth are relatively like a normal human's. oh and as a bonus he usually wears circle glasses, it CAN technically help improve his vision a bit more but also they look cute so he loves them shh. | Personalities: Ashton's up first, now I will say even tho their robots and technically powerhouses compared to humans ANYWAYS- he IS the true powerhouse of the group, the b r u t e- BUT he's not all brawn and no brains, he's not stupid by any means even if he can act like a punk or cold rude bitch, he has a l o t of intelligence in fact- and he uses that to his advantage for sure, he's not entirely a cold rude bitch- to his friends he's relatively well, friendly and nice- even if he does mess with them sometimes- he loves to get on Vincent's nerves the most because he finds it funny mostly, but he knows when to stop so he doesn't take things too far, Erwin... messing with him can be... difficult, he uh- its not that he CANT do it, he can! He TOTALLY can its just... listen, shut up- Spy's his fave to mess with- He absolutely hates humanity, their creators especially more so- if he ever saw em or hell humans in general when he sees em- it always takes e v e r y t h i n g in his power to hold himself back from tearing them to shreds, he wouldn't even w a n t to use a gun against them despite being based off a Sniper, he'll take them apart with his strength and teeth alone if he REALLY wants! After all, making them suffer first would bring him such joy, he's not evil, none of them REALLY are, but I'll explain that all in side facts, for now (tl;dr: Ashton gets along quite well with his friends even if he messes with Vincent a lot and gets on his nerves, in fact that's when you'll see him a bit more cheerier than he usually is, now... towards humans or whatever, he's a g g r e s s i v e- he'll strike them down then and there if Vincent gives him the command, but even if he c a n t, he'll still be cold or rude to em at the very least, terrify them a little bit even- he does NOT like humans at all whatsoever) Vincent... as I've stated, he's the leader of the group, he's DEFINITELY got the perfect personality to be a leader for sure, first off he has MAJOR confidence- he's a super confident dude, he REALLY kinda has to be- after all, his role was the leader of this little group- it was forced upon him so he decided to go along with it- they wanted him to be leader so he'll fulfill that position but if he e v e r gets a hold of them their gonna wish they hadn't e v e r done what they did, he DOES have some narcissistic tendencies but its nothing TOO major, he can be suave and gentlemanly but that part is usually just an act to trick people, he plays nice and makes them think he's trustworthy and then that's when they strike, its a m a z i n g to him how naive and so trusting humanity can be, he can't w a i t to get his hands on their creators, what a f u n day that'll be! Now he's not all big and bad, he can be nice to his friends- he does have a bit of snark and sass but its all in good fun, he mostly keeps it directed towards Ashton but sometimes he'll dish out some snark or sass towards Erwin ...he seems oblivious to that part tbh- but he... even though he doesn't show it a LOT he does care about them a lot, they've been there for him ever since the day they were first created, he absolutely loathes and despises humans- he always uses an act to just lure them to either their death OR, to a little interrogation room where he tries to find out if they know a n y t h i n g about their creator, I mean either way they do kinda die in the end so it really doesn't matter and finally Erwin, he's... a lot nicer than the other two, he doesn't hold a grudge towards his creators nor especially not to humanity, not ALL of them are as bad as Vincent and Ashton think surely... not that he'd ever tell them he doesn't hold grudges or whatever, he's worried he'd ruin their plans or worse, make them mad at him- so he pretends to hate humans when their around, he's actually helped his fair sure of humans escape from the others as well, now sure he DID try and ask a few of them about the creator, when they said they knew nothing he managed to lead them safely away without the others detecting them, now I won't say he's ALWAYS been lucky- sometimes the other two... catch him in the act and he almost had something equivalent to an a n x i e t y attack when they caught him but he played it off by telling them he saw this human wandering around and he also tried to play it off like he interrogated them and they knew nothing about the creators, but of course they uh... wanted to... "take care" of the human for him and he couldn't risk arguing against they'd suspect too much bc he's never been one for killing or whatever (despite being a version of a Medic lmao), there's been a lot of those times where he's felt so guilty for letting them take the human... They didn't know anything, they didn't even seem bad, why kill them? He knows their angry, they want revenge but something seems wrong... but, he'd n e v e r go against his friends, no matter how he feels- they've been there for him through thick and thin and he cares a LOT about them despite this (p much he's a good boy, he can get nervous/anxious sometimes, he just... wants his friends to be happy and rest easy really, he cares a lot about them despite all they do, he's deeply afraid if they find out what he's done or that he doesn't have grudges, etc- that they'll be a n g r y with HIM) | Side Facts: Alright, so... the best run down I can give is this... They didnt really wanna be created in the first place BUT they tolerated it- like ok chill, we gotta tolerate existing now- but then like they were pretty much abandoned bc they were discontinued, bc the tf2 bots look like actual robots, im making these guys more like androids as you already know im sure- closer resemblances to the actual human mercs n shit- but ANYWAYS- something happened and they didnt want to continue making androids like them so the three of them got left behind and of course were thought to be shut down but surprise surprise, their still active, their still out there and their. fucking. l i v i d- first they didnt really wanna exist in the first place, ok they could chill out bout that bc they learned to deal with it BUT- N O W their being discontinued? They dont even have a full t e a m!! its bullshit so now their a wee bit- okay no they are absolutely fucking livid at the creators and humanity in general- except, as you know- Erwin can't hold grudges or anything- he doesnt think ALL humans are bad or at least he hopes their not, but either way- Vincent and Ashton p much feel hatred n coldness towards the creators and humanity. | AU: So a best bud of mine suggested since I had like t w o really good ideas for these lads and couldnt use both of them bc it'd like conflict with many things, to make an AU outta the second idea- I- honestly gotta thank em for fuckin reminding me that AUs are a t h i n g that e x i s t s- but anyways, this AU is basically where Ashton, Vincent, and Erwin died and the respawn, sorta... well broke for em, dont know why or how but it just did, so they died for reals and just... their souls wandered the earth for a bit until they found the bodies of these robots and decided to possess them p much, and now since they died for real- they REALLY wanna return the favor to the ones who killed em (of course, not gonna tell who that was e x a c t l y not yet anyways), I will say their personalities will probably differ from canon a LITTLE bit in this regard, like their still- well in this AU their MORE vengeful than they could EVER be in canonverse- even Erwin in this AU is vengeful, only towards those who did em wrong of course. and with a conversation I had with my partner, there was more expansion that happened, essentially- it was questions of the teammates and what'd happen there (thank you darling, I appreciate this bc this just gave the AU more expansion that I really wasnt just thinking bout on my own), bc if they didnt go back to their teammates they'd be without the supports and ahem, the medic- but anyways, if they did wwweeeellll... their team wouldn't EXACTLY recognize it as them, to them its just potential enemy bots that they need to dispose of orrr at least run off, and that's what they'd definitely do at first, now I will say, there's the chance oh Idk, Erwin interacts with the Heavy (listen... I dont have canon names for this team... im- im too tired to figure it out rn for all the team sdjkajdj they will have to wait for awhile) but Erwin and the Heavy were VERY good close friends, and Erwin could show him that, he's... well, his best bud- they ALL had certain things they used to do or say to their teammates- and ya know if Erwin proved that to Heavy- he'd- well, a lotta emotions would be running wild in that case, of course im getting a head of myself- I should have clarified, bc the team k n o w s the others died and weren't respawning which of course they absolutely tried to deny- they'd be back soon ....yeeaahh they werent, and like now they do find it suspicious these three bots showed up that are designed like the supports but they'd never go that far to say its their dead teammates possessing these... robots, that's a little far-fetched for them. So unless Erwin goes and tries to convince his best friend, who knows what'll happen- oh and I'll also say, aside from the personalities- the actual human versions of Ashton, Vincent, and Erwin would look a LITTLE different- they still wear the same clothes n have similar features, they have scars but those don't reveal tattered wires since their humans you know, and their eye colors- Ashton's eyes are Cobalt Blue, Erwin's eyes are baby blue, and Vincent's eyes are a Caramel Brown, they also don't have those sharp teeth or fangs- oh and their heights are different, Ashton is 6'4", Vincent is 6'8", annnd Erwin- eh he's the same height the bots of course, still retain the same look as in canonverse however so try not to get too confused by different appearances!

#tf2 #team fortress 2 #tf2 oc #team fortress 2 oc #tf2 sniper oc #tf2 medic oc #tf2 spy oc #im super proud of the babies-#my arm machine broke tho #my ocs #original characters

6 notes · View notes

chanzicoup · 6 years

Text

A/N: I got this template from tenseoyong and I could not find the original creator to give proper credit to.

A = Announcement.- How do you tell him and the world that you’re expecting?

He and you are quiet at first, hesitant to tell anyone but the members and immediate family. When you did break the news though you were relieved to see that the fans were happy for the both of you and wished you the best of luck.

B = Books.- Did he read the books?

He doesn’t want a book to tell him how to raise a child since he’d believe that there is no “right” way. There are no medical things he really needs to know on his part, being a man and all not having to actually be pregnant, but he’d educate himself on what you have to go through and immediately feel sorry for doing this to you.

C = Cuddles.- Who cuddles the baby more?

You both love the baby but Wonwoo, the normally quiet guy, becomes that dad that cooes really loudly to the baby and makes it a competition on if the baby’s first word is “mama” or “dada”

D = Daddy.- His reaction to being called Daddy and it setting in.)

He’d try to play it off as cool but when no one is looking he is a giggly kid again thinking about the bundle of joy growing inside of you.

E = Empty.- Who goes to the store when you guys run out of supplies?

He would volunteer to go since he likes to help out when he can so he’ll take the child out for a few hours to give you time to catch up on some chores or sleep.

F = Feeding time- Who does feeding time?

It’s a team effort because it turns out the baby is a really picky eater but is also one of those kids who is literally allergic to everything and doesn’t get it yet because they’re so young. Like they’ll want a peanut butter and jelly, won’t eat until they get one, but of course, you and wonwoo aren’t giving the kid who’s allergic to peanuts a PB and J so you try to trick them by giving them a peanut butter substitute of some sorts.

G = Grumpy baby. - Who is better at dealing with a grumpy baby?

Wonwoo thinks he’s good at it because every time the baby cries they laugh when he's playing with them, not knowing your hiding behind him and giving the baby funny faces to make them laugh. What he doesn’t know won’t hurt him.

H = How?- how many kids does he want?

He sparks me as a go with the flow kind of guy so he wouldn’t have a set limit or number about how many kids he wants but I would feel like that he’d say “This is the last one Y/N” depending on your financial situation.

J = Jokes.- best dad joke?

“I went to a gig last night and the band's guitarist passed out on stage.

He must have rocked himself to sleep.”

Honestly, it’s a bunch of jokes about sleeping bc he’s sleep deprived and has been since the baby came.

K = Kisses.- His favorite place to kiss the baby.

He likes kissing their cheeks because they’re so much like yours!

L = Little.- How he feels when he holds the baby for the first time.

He’s literally pointing out every little thing about the baby that’s perfect, totally stays up all night and just stares at them, and you, in amazement. His little family.

M = Mommy.- what does he call you?

He’d be extra sweet to you, knowing that women go through not only physical work but mental work as well during pregnancy, and he just wants you to know that you and the baby are the most important people in his life.

N = Nappies.- who deals with the really bad diapers?

Neither one of you want to do it at first but after like three days you guys don’t even smell it anymore and have no issue doing it.

O = Onesies- Who likes to dress the baby in ridiculous outfits?

You two are pretty much broke at this point so no extravagant outfits for now.

P = Pet names- names he calls the baby.

I could 100% see him calling the baby something NORMAL but when they’re older, like high school age, and calling the baby some embarrassing names in front of their friends just to tease them.

Q = Questions.- How many questions does he ask the nurse?

He’s mainly asking questions about your health since that’s a direct correlation to the baby’s health so it’s like killing two birds with one stone.

R = Rely- what is the biggest thing you rely on each other for?

You guys would rely on each other to help one another out in maintaining a healthy lifestyle and not letting the nerves, worries, and stress of being a new parent bring you down.

S = Sleep duty. - who gets up when it’s really late at night?

Wonwoo is a night owl so he’d have an easier time in waking up but he’d have a harder time falling back asleep so you’d have to force him to try to get some rest while you get up.

T = Trepidation.- fears as a new parent.

For some reason, he’s hella worried his kid will eat something they’re allergic to, which is an understandable fear. When children have allergies it’s easy for adults to make sure they don’t eat it but depending on how old they are sometimes the kid eats something without knowing they can get sick.

U = Ultra sounds.- His reactions to the ultrasounds.

You and him weren’t trying to get pregnant but after you were late by a few weeks and had begun getting sick in the mornings you guys had a gut feeling and the ultrasounds only proved it, making you guys ridiculously happy but terrified at the same time.

V = Values.- what is the most important value he wants to teach your child.

NOT TO LET OTHER PEOPLE BRING THEM DOWN! If the things they like are so unique no one else knows about them, and people make fun of them for liking it, he wants them to continue liking whatever that thing is with pride.

W = Water.- Who gives the babe the baths?

Low Key love family baths.

X = X-mas- what do you guys plan for the holidays?

Wonwoo would want his first Christmas as a family to be just for that; family. No work, promotions, etc.

Y = Yelling.- How many fights do the two of you get in?

All fights and arguments try to be avoided, which ends up leading to you both subconsciously bottle up your emotions and you guys get into one big fight in the middle of the night, the baby’s crying causes you to storm out to tend to them. Wonwoo sits on the bed and puts his head in his hands, his and your words wracking his brain. He hears you in the background cooing the baby back to sleep and he remembers your good qualities which most definitely overshadow the bads that everyone has. You come back in, still a bit angry about the fight, but Wonwoo races to you and kisses you passionately, you both spend a long night “making up.”

Z = Zoo- How crazy is the house after the birth?

It’s surprisingly tidy, if not better then it was before. You both put in more effort since the arrival of your newborn so you guys have gotten good at keeping the place clean and making the most of the little spare time you have.

~Blake

#kpop #svt #wonwoo #svt imagine #kpop imagine #svt reaction #kpop reaction #svt scenario #kpop scenario

26 notes · View notes

brunchbitch · 7 years

Note

how are things going with brandon? and blaise? what sort of things did you write in your email to your team? xo

They’re going ok! In the email I said:

“Nutrition: I met with Britt last Monday and Kellie today. My weight dropped a bit last week and I admitted to Britt that I have had some trouble with some snacks and a bit of exercise over what I’m allowed (i.e. some extra walking, but no extra gym sessions or exercise classes or anything like that). I have also been doing “eyeball portioning” at home which means that I don’t use any measuring utensils and just do around what I think looks appropriate, but it’s possible I might be under-portioning. So Kellie asked me to start doing “reverse portioning” at home which means I put what I think is the correct portion on the plate, and then I transfer that into measuring cups to see how close I got and then would correct for the difference. I have started reverse portioning more but have not been doing it for everything. For exercise this week, I have stayed to appropriate amounts and actually have done a little under what I am “allowed” to do - I did not take a yoga class because I haven’t had time that worked with the class schedule at the gym. I feel really crappy about this and am having a lot of judgements about myself for not doing the absolute max that I can do. My goals with Kellie this week are: 1. reverse portioning, 2. eat a “mindful” meal 3 times this week (i.e. no using my phone for Tumblr or watching TV), 3. log honestly on Recovery Record (I have had some trouble being honest), and 4. write this team email!

ED Therapy:Liz and I have been talking about body image and the idea of “good enough” body image. Sometimes I hear the goal of ED recovery is to learn to “love your body” and it’s really really difficult for me to wrap my head around the idea of actually loving my body. She suggested there’s a more realistic option - i.e. some days thinking “I look good!” and other days thinking “eh. It’s a body.” and then (the key point) I would MOVE ON and not let it affect every single aspect of the day from whether I ate that chocolate cake to whether I go out dancing. Liz asked me what I thought would be some concrete goals to get to that point. I said 1. getting rid of my "sick” clothes (i.e. clothes that are too small that I either wore while I was smaller or that don’t totally fit now and when I wear them, they make me want to restrict bc they are too tight), 2. using thought stopping for body distortion thoughts (not necessarily challenging them, just being like “oh, there’s the thought, I’m gonna shift my attention to _____”), and 3. challenging the distorted thoughts. My goals with Liz this week were to: 1. bring a bag of my “sick” clothes and my FitBit for Liz to keep in her office until I am able to decide what to do with them. I’m not sure if I’m ready to get rid of them, but this way at least they’re not sitting in my room, waiting to trigger me. And 2. practice thought stopping for distorted thoughts.Courtney (and Kellie) and I have talked a bit about feeling like I have to be the “perfect patient” since I have this timeline for PHP/IOP. I feel in some ways as though I can’t struggle, or if I do, I can’t be honest about it bc it might show that I’m not working hard enough or I’m not motivated enough or I’m not sticking to the guidelines of 30 days/20 days. That’s why I’ve been having difficulty being honest about the behaviors I’ve been using and where my mindset it. So I guess that’s what I’m working on now.

Brandon Therapy:Right now we’re in major repair stage. I lied a lot in the summer/fall, I built back up old walls, I pushed Brandon away. So right now I’m going through a lot of journal entries from that time to say all the things I wasn’t able to say in the moment, all the thoughts I was having, all the behaviors I was doing. It is incredibly difficult to share these things and I feel immense shame, both at having thought those things and for hiding them from Brandon, but I think this is a hugely important piece of our work. I know I need to do the incredibly painful process of opening up, being honest, being vulnerable, and handling those intense emotions I feel in regards to the relationship. It is so painful, AND, I know it’s essential to the process. I feel so awkward and uncomfortable sitting in the office which I hate bc it was such a safe place for me when I was being real and letting him in. I want to get back to that point, but I know it’s going to take a lot of work.

General:W is going pretty well. It’s kind of depressing but I have been throwing myself 100% into engaging with the community - spending more time in the milieu, designing fun milieu activities (laser tagging last weekend, an arcade this weekend), and contributing more to the house. I know I’m going to be here for at least another year so I’m doing my best to make it as good as it can be. I ordered some fairy lights for my room and a pretty tapestry to hang up. I also put up some cards and things from MNLH, and affirmation cards I made for myself, so my room is looking a lot brighter.My mood is pretty up and down. Sometimes it’s really down. Last Monday was my best friend Sam’s six year anniversary of her suicide and it was an incredibly difficult day. I was very very depressed and hopeless and angry, but I got myself through it without using any behaviors and then drove down to RI on Friday to visit Britty, who was the third roommate and best friend from that time. She’s the only person who really understands how I feel about Sam bc she feels the same way. We spent the morning going geocaching (she found all three though so I’m pissed) and then went to lunch. It really brightened my spirits. And today I volunteered at the cat shelter and it was pretty quiet for adoptions so I got to spend a lot of time on the floor with the cats, petting and cuddling with them, and I was smiling so big. They bring a lot of joy to my life. Tomorrow I will be transporting four new cats to the vet! I also talked to the owner about some ideas I have for their social media pages (like a naming contest on Facebook for new cats we get) and she really liked it. I’m so glad I found this shelter and that there’s so many opportunities to help them out.I am missing my family a lot, especially since I didn’t get to spend Christmas with them and bc most of them are going to visit my brother Sam in Cambodia next month. I reached out to my mom to ask her if she would be willing to come out here to visit soon bc I miss her. That was a big deal for me (right Karen??) bc I have a hard time asking my parents for things, especially if I feel like it’s a bother to them. But she said she would love to so I hope she will come soon. I’ve been FaceTiming Sam every weekend which has been really nice, but it also REALLY makes me miss him a lot. It’s really hard to think about.

Umm…. holy crap this is long. I promise not every week is going to be like this!! Also I just have to say that this was really really hard to write. I felt very in control in the summer/fall of who knew what and how I got away with x, y, and z and how I used not having a comprehensive ED team to my (my ED’s) advantage. It is really hard for me to feel like everything is out in the open for everyone. This is scary. But I’m really really trying.“

Sorry that was probably boring lol

#l #b #bb #k #update #personal #ed recovery #anorexia recovery #bpd recovery #tw ed #ed treatment #edcb #anonymous #answered

8 notes · View notes