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icannot3 · 9 months

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"Prom Night"

Peter Maximoff x Reader

Word count: 4.2k (a biggie, sorry)

Warnings/notes: NSFW BELOW THE CUT (just the standard stuff, yk?) P in V penetration. Oral (male receiving). Lots of plot before. Despite the title, both Peter and the reader are adults.

Taglist: @taintandviolent @lilthbunny (comment if you'd like to be added!)

..........

The music is loud, and the atmosphere radiates unadulterated exultation. Like any other traditional party event, bright neon lights illuminate the otherwise dimmed area. The dining hall of the institution looked nothing like it had before. The entire area had been cleared out besides the tables full of delectable treats to snack on in the corner. Students were laughing and dancing to the beat of the music, most very uncoordinated, but that didn't matter. For the first time ever, the young mutants got the chance to feel like normal teenagers. It brought you so much joy to know that it was your idea to have an annual prom at the school, this being the very first and very successful attempt at doing so.

You could see a few students of yours beginning to come out of their shells. Many of them never got the chance to participate in such a social setting. You can tell they felt moderately awkward at the start but slowly allowed themselves to enjoy. This prom was much different than the ones you attended in high school. You always remember them to be boring but customary, hence why everyone still went for the hell of it. Part of you wished you could have had a lively experience like this one, knowing all too well how different you felt in the crowd then, as a secret mutant scared of what others may do if they knew.

But that's all in the past, and truly you could not be happier as chaperone. In the crowd of people, you see bodies being pushed to the side as an undetectable figure zipps past them. You know it's Peter, one, because obviously his powers, and two, because the blur is quickly making its way to the snack bar. Who else would be so desperate to get to them? You giggle at his determined feat. It isn't long before he runs up to you, a plate with a large, overstacked assortment of cake and cookies in hand.

Peter places his free hand on your back, his hand warm against it. "Geez, you look like a supermodel!" Like any school dance, everyone was expected to dress to the nines. All funded by the Professor through the kindness of his very rich heart. The staff is expected to wear nothing short of this, everyone in expensive formal gowns to match the children. Peter's outfit makes him look exceptionally handsome, even though he's already loosened his silver tie sloppily from around his neck. Other than that, his suit is black with a white undershirt that compliments his silver accents. To be real, the color is his trademark. Quite literally, "Quicksilver."

You pull him into a hug he reciprocates as much as he can with only one arm. "Thanks, Quicky. You clean up nicely, too!" Your finger comes below his tie, playfully flicking it upwards to tease him. "You seem like you're already excited for the after party?"

His head jerks back, and Peter lets out a dramatic sigh. "You have no idea how uncomfortable these feel. Sure, women have to wear heels, but I really think that this is the equal evil we should also acknowledge. Plus, you guys get to shamelessly take them off at the dance because everyone understands. Xavier is absolutely insane for wearing this every day." He continues to passionately ramble about the inconvenience, referring to it as "neck prison." You cackle at everything he says because it's Peter. He's naturally always funny. Or perhaps it's your blossoming feelings for him that make you feel this way.

Sometimes, you wonder if Peter is just naturally a touchy person or if there's something more behind his lingering nudges and holds. You certainly entertain it regardless, allowing him to hug and hold you as he pleases. His fingers are delicately playing with the stray hairs against your neck, and it sends a shiver down your spine. He has to know how crazy he drives you.

The timing feels perfect as a slow song comes on through the loud speakers. You silently prayed to whatever DJ God there may be for giving such a great opportunity. You hold his hand in yours, his plate being disregarded elsewhere as you take him to the dancefloor. "You gotta dance with me, I never got to do this with anyone in high school! Please?" Your request accidentally seems more like a demand with your excitement, but he knows you'd never make him do anything he doesn't want. He grins, keeping your hand in his own and wrapping his arm around your waist before swaying to the music.

You're friends. That's all. There's nothing more to it, and there never will be. You conclude that you'd simply have to die with these feelings because certainly they aren't ever going away. It's been years already that you've pined for him. Years that the two of you have been stuck by some imaginary friendship glue. Many of your days are together, you teach gym class with him. When you go on missions, Peter compliments your mutations so well that it's rare you're ever separated. He's what you would call your platonic soul mate.

But that platonic bit feels really out of place when he gives you a look that makes your heart ache. You decide that looking at his eyes that are staring deeply into your own is not helping subside your confidential feelings. Part of you wants to read more into his actions and convince yourself that he feels the same way, but you know that only leads to a shit-ton of misery once you realize that his feelings are still unrequited. So, instead, you rest your forehead against his chest and think about things that don't make you flustered. Like what you're doing tomorrow for training and not how his new cologne for the occasion smells stupidly nice.

The song picks up the beat for the chorus, and either Peter secretly takes dance classes on the low, or he's just naturally this smooth. His hand lifts yours up in the air as he encourages you to twirl. You do, the dress you wear swaying around with your spinning. He brings you back to his chest and then decides to continue to baffle you by dipping you to the floor. You lean back, trusting him fully as he pulls you back up.

By the time the song is over, the two of you are laughing, and you feel as if you can't breathe. "Didn't know you had that in you, Maxipad." The nickname is from an inside joke that you remind him of because it embarrasses him. You used it in hopes that it would make your own pitifully flustered state less noticeable.

"Please, all of those arcades I played Dance Evolution at growing up had me ready." He made his way back to his snack stash, grabbing a cookie. "Even though I was more of a Pin-ball guy. I still have record scores at the arcade in the town I grew up in."

You steal a cookie off of his plate, the bitter-sweet chocolate delight melting on your tastebuds. "You still need to show me what an arcade is like. Maybe we could hit that one." Previously, you had a conversation where you revealed that you've never been to an arcade in the past, which left Peter deeply offended. He vowed to take you to one soon, but the two of you as of lately had found yourselves so busy there was simply never a time.

"Damnit! You're right." His expression of distraught quickly changed to that of a happy one with an idea. "There's an arcade machine in my room I can introduce you to! I mean, it's nowhere near as fun as the entire arcade experience, but-"

"- That sounds perfect, Peter." You didn't even have to be convinced.

You stayed at the dance until it ended for another hour, and Peter seemed to be rather eager to get back, considering the cleaning was going to be a group effort with all of the teachers; but he took the initiative to do it all himself instead of waiting and finished it all within a minute. Not that anyone was complaining, though. It was well past midnight, and class would still be resumed tomorrow at the normal crack-ass of dawn. Any sane person would pass up Peter's offer and reschedule for another time. But not you, you were so unimaginably happy to get invited to his room that the offer still remained as good as gold.

He sped you to his room, and it was everything you expected. For a man almost in his thirties, his decor resembles that of a teenage boy. This ranges from posters, snacks, and scattered piles of clothes on the floor. You can sense his immediate panic due to him not preparing for your presence. Frantically, he zips through his room, and a moment later, it's spotless. You laugh at this. "You know you don't have to do that for me. Mine is probably way worse."

You saunter over to the large arcade machine in the corner, touching the plastic buttons. "Did you buy this thing?" It's clearly a very expensive piece of equipment, gathering by its newer looking condition. Peter comes up behind you, chuckling to himself. "Nah, bro." His response made you certain that he'd stolen it, likely in his youth when he was a bit more scandalous.

Turning around to face him, you notice he's rather close. As much as he was earlier, except clearly not for the reason of dancing. You can't help but remember how low his hand was against your back. If he'd moved it even an inch further, he would have been touching you much more sensually. You wouldn't mind if he had.

As a matter of fact, you gathered that it's strange he'd invite you up so late. Yes, it's Peter, and he's never been the predictable type. But never in the years that you've known him has he invited you to spend quality time together at one in the morning, in his bedroom.

Once again, you shake yourself out of your lingering thoughts, ashamed. You're so ridiculously horny that it's embarrassing. He remains where he stood, playing with the strap of your dress.

"That's gotta be uncomfortable. Do you want something else to put on?" His thumb grazes over the red mark where the strap had been rubbing against your shoulder. Before you can even answer the question, he's searching through his dresser. He pulls out a Led Zeppelin t-shirt and sweats. Not wanting to be rude, you take the clothes and step in his personal bathroom for privacy. Looking in the mirror gave you a small boost of confidence. Your makeup looks still wonderfully intact, and the dress you picked hugs your curves beautifully. It makes you feel so elegant that you almost feel sad to take it off.

But you can't. When your fingers give the zipper on your back a hard tug after many other failed attempts, you begin to panic. The fabric must be seriously jammed for this to happen. You've never had this much of a struggle taking off an article of clothing. For over ten minutes, you desperately try, breaking a sweat as you do so. That sadness from earlier changes to desperation as you try to then pull the dress over your head. You are unable to do this. It's too tight and won't even come over your shoulders.

Peter must have started to grow concerned with your absence. Hearing a knock on the door makes you jump. His voice from the other side is quiet. "You alright in there, bud?"

Your hands cover your face in embarrassment. You feel like you want to scream. It takes you a moment to awnser, fighting yourself on what to do next. There's a small window in the bathroom you think is large enough to jump out of, but considering your mutation is not flight and the fact that you're on the second floor makes you decide against it.

Finally, deciding to fess up, you stand at the door, opening it. "I'm stuck. My zipper is stuck." Clearly having no issues himself, he is already in his own comfortable clothing. You can see his suit disregarded on the floor in the corner of the room, that godforsaken tie on top of the pile. You know you can trust Peter to help you. He's not a creep. Not anything besides the occasional childish sex joke.

Peter laughs, motioning for you to turn around. "Geez, it seems like you just want a reason for me to undress you." You turn your head back to give him an eye roll, but accept his help and lift your hair up to assist him. His hands are gentle as he fights with the zipper. He seems to struggle as well, fiddling with the fabric for quite a while before finally you feel the sweet release of the restrictive clasp coming undone. After hours, you can finally breathe.

He'd just undone the top, but his hands stayed in their spot. Tingles went down your spine as he continued to slowly bring the zipper down. It was getting low. When you put it on earlier, it went all the way down to your ass before it was zipped. Right before he gets to that point, you stop him with your hand. Turning around to face him, you awkwardly smile; his hand still behind you.

Ultimately, you had enough, placing your hand on his chest. You aren't brainless. That was definitely a signal. "Peter, did you really invite me up here to play games? If not, that's fine, but I'm kinda dying from anticipation right now. Sometimes, I feel like you're leading me on. But then you do things that make me think we're just friends, and it's really confusing. And I have no problem with just being friends, but it's the middle of the night, and I'm standing in your bedroom half naked instead of playing Pong like we said we would and -"

He ends your rambling by pulling you close, pressing a delicate kiss to your lips. You deeply inhale, taking a moment to register what's going on before kissing back. It feels heavenly, like drifting down a lazy river that doesn't have any kids in it relaxing. Like, your brain is slowly going to mush and becoming more and more useless as you continue, but you're totally okay with becoming a human vegetable if that means you can just keep going. You wrap your arms around his neck, deepening the connection. He tightens his arms around your back before lifting you up off of the ground, slowly twirling you around in a circle while in the air. This makes you snicker against his lips, which he reciprocates. The happy moment makes your brain foggy with admiration.

"I'm an absolute loser for not doing this sooner." Peter lays you down on the bed, joining beside you. Your legs hang off of the edge of the furniture. "I really, really like you. I have for a while. When we decided to have a prom I wanted to ask you to go with me so bad and be all cheesy about it, but I pussied out so I decided that the next best option was to get Jean and Raven to teach me how to dance so that we could." His words are being sputtered out like rapid-fire. "Please tell me I'm not finally saying this too late, and you haven't met someone else?" His voice is soft, laced with hints of doubt. He brings his fingers up to your hair, brushing it off of your cheek and behind your ear.

Your discomposure becomes all the more obvious as you pick at your nails, fiddling with your hands anxiously. This entire moment is more than you could even fathom in the past, like a fairy-tale coming to life. He likes you. He has liked you! Every pent-up feeling you've ever had for years has been reciprocated. "Peter -." You pause, trying to think on what to say. "You have no idea how happy that makes me. You wouldn't be late even if you had waited another few years to tell me that. I've liked you for a while."

Peter rolls himself on top of you, pressing multiple kisses to your face. He starts with your forehead, traveling his lips quickly down your nose, then rapidly on your cheeks. The affection feels pleasantly smothering. Finally, with one last final peck on the space between your brows, he connects himself to your lips once more. It's even better than the first time, giving you more of an electric sensation.

You grow heated, the sensation making you feel aroused. The kisses on your end grow more open-mouthed and inviting. When his tongue slips inside hungrily, you whimper, reveling in the feeling. This only encourages Peter more as he lifts his arm behind your back, making it arch while gliding his other hand down your torso. He groans delightfully, feeling your curves with fervor.

"Tell me if you want me to stop, okay?" His voice is deep with longing. His tongue laps against the sensitive flush of your neck. He finds the spot that makes you gasp the loudest, sucking the area just enough to make a small mark of his presence. You definitely don't ever want him to stop. He continues to go lower, trailing down between your breasts. Peter pulls you up, sliding the already half-off dress down your shoulders. His face turns bright red as a gawks at the sight of your bare chest. His finger rolls over your soft bud as he feels it harden beneath it. Squeezing your soft mound, he plays with you for just a little longer before connecting his lips to yours. There's a certain gentle urgency in his touch that brings you to an otherworldly place. Nothing else matters in this moment besides his hand that's slowly coming up your thigh. You can feel yourself already slick with arousal as you squeeze your legs together for some kind of friction. Peter senses this, using his hand to spread you apart as much as he can with your still clothed bottom-half.

He cups your center with his palm, rubbing over the area. His fingers curl inside of your folds, the ghost of a touch teasingly going over where you need him most. You mewl desperately for him, grinding into his hand. He grins against your neck, chuckling to himself. "So wet for me already? That's extremely hot. Have you ever gotten this worked up for me before, when you're all alone?"

He finally rubs slow circles against your clit, causing your eyes to screw shut with ecstacy. You can only bring yourself to nod as a response, finding yourself physically unable to speak in such a state. His hard-on is pressing against your leg. You can tell he's just as desperate as you are. Taking your hand, you press it against his chest to signal him to stop. His movements coming to an end leave you with a sense of longing as you get up, but quickly, you remove the rest of your dress and allow it to fall to the floor. Fervently, you slide down his pants and boxers. His cock springs to life after no longer being restricted by the confines. His tip is already leaking precum. The craziest thing about this entire ordeal is how natural it feels, but perhaps that's because of how often you find yourself imagining it.

Peter swallows, knowing where you're going with this as you wrap your hand around his shaft. You squeeze him lightly in your hand, testing the waters by giving a few slow pumps while watching his reactions. His face contorts in pleasure as he leans back on his elbows. He refuses to look away, fascinated by the sight of you. You experimentally lick from the bottom of his length to the tip, swirling your tongue around it. The taste is actually quite nice, faintly sweet. You suck his tip once more before finally bobbing your head down, taking as much of him as you can. It's only a little more than halfway before you can feel him against the back of your throat. You have to hold back gagging from the sensation. Peter lets out a deep groan, saying your name like it's his mantra. As you continue, his groans grow more needy. His hips instinctively thrust upwards, causing your eyes to water as he fucks your throat. A part of you grows embarrassed, knowing the tears in your eyes and swollen lips are not the greatest sight to see. But Peter trains his eyes on you, mesmerized.

He pulls you off of him, taking off his shirt before aligning himself with you. You look down and admire his toned muscles, stroking them curiously. It's wonderful. He feels and looks like one of those majestic Greek statues. Not the weird ones with small dicks and missing noses. Peter's cock teasingly rubs between your wet folds, brushing against your sensitive clit. You wrap your legs around his waist, urging him to go inside. He begins to push his tip in, slowly bottoming out. When he finally does, he gasps, squeezing your hips. The feeling is delectable as he stretches you out so perfectly. You can feel your walls fluttering around him. Nodding your head, you signal for him to continue.

His pace quickens fast, and Peter pulls one of your legs up as he thrusts to go deeper. His eyes are trained on your expression, trying to find the perfect spot to hit in order to fully satisfy you. When he achieves this, the upward curve of his dick rubbing an area that makes your eyes practically roll to the back of your skull, he drills you just like that into the mattress. You find yourself unable to hold back the unholy noises you had no idea you could make. Pleasure overwhelming enough to make you mentally check out.

You begin feeling an all too familiar intense fondness in your abdomen. It's like a tital wave threatening to spill over. You grab Peter's shoulders, pulling him close. He peppers kisses along your collarbone, thrusts getting more uncoordinated and sloppy. He's getting close too, you can tell by his labored breathing and moans that are growing slightly more high-pitched and frequent. His hand reaches down, buzzing against your throbbing bud to finish you off. Your eyes shoot wide open, not expecting that suprise. Sure, you've seen him use this technique in the past to break glass, but never had you imagined that he could do this. He pumps once more deeply inside of you, sending you over the edge. Blinding pleasure explodes throughout your body, sending you into an oblivion. Peter pulls himself out, cumming on the soft skin of your stomach and letting out a guttural moan.

He collapses on top of you, nuzzling his head in the crook of your shoulder. Sweetly, his hand runs through your hair, a string of unintelligible compliments being whispered in your ear. "You're so perfect, baby. Never, never, never ever letting you go. Never. Don't ever leave me." Those are a few of the many you manage to make out. You tightly embrace him, allowing yourself to relax against him.

You feel a sudden shift, and in the blink of an eye you find yourself wearing the clothes he gave you earlier, all cleaned up. He is instantly laying beside you again, fully dressed, with a blanket covering the two of you. He pulls you against him as he lays on his back. Smiling, you trace small circles onto his chest. "We should do that more often, huh?"

He nods excitedly, pulling you in tightly. "Oh hell yeah, we've got years of being deprived we gotta make up for."

#evan peters #fluff #peter maximoff #x men #peter maximoff x reader #peter maximoff smut #fr kinda popped my pussy for this one

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furubabasket · 22 days

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dunmeshi posting today (spoilers ahead for manga marcille stuff)

i feel like there is so much to say and analyze about the fact that marcille's biggest--realest--fear is outliving everyone around her... specifically within the world of dungeon meshi that kui has created.

marcille's fear will certainly happen. (maybe not with falin, if her lifespan has been dragonified, but there's no way for us or for falin or marcille to know this yet.) and marcille has already watched every single one of her close friends die--temporarily. sometimes the circumstances have been dicey (or in falin's case nearly impossible) in ways that caused mounting dread and very real fear (in a way that seems uniquely upsetting in a world which has gotten somewhat blase about dungeon deaths--to have casual hope and to lose it), not even mentioning the initial shock, but so far, loss has not been final for marcille in recent years. that makes it hit all the harder when she has to contend with the possibility of falin being Dead For Good (such as when they couldn't find her bones in the dragon's stomach).

the thing that makes me absolutely sick about this is how marcille ends up just... having to swallow that her fear will come to pass. she just has to accept that both the "fix" she hoped for (the possibility of equalizing racial lifespans) is unethical and the "fix" she ALREADY USED (dungeon revivification) is impossible to implement everywhere. she just has to accept that no matter what, even in a world where death and loss isn't always final, she is doomed to experience it anyway or else succumb to the abusive and addictive pull of the demons' "security" like thistle and mithrun. (sidenote: all of the dungeon lords being elves, iirc, is telling and tragic.) I love the ending of dunmeshi and find it so compelling, and yet this is something that sticks out to me as so, so importantly "unresolved" even if I can't fully articulate it. marcille is not over this, and she can't be--while everyone else looks to the future, by definition hers is darker. that's going to take a lot more time to come to terms with. the moral is that whole "eating is the special privilege of the living," right? the moral comes down to "life involves hurting and being hurt, and that is the way of things, no matter how we run from it... but that doesn't have to be soul-crushingly depressing." marcille's friends are aware of the burden she has. they talk with her about her fears and comfort her without minimizing them. they help her feel less alone in what is a completely alienating existence. it's so fucking sad. it's horrifically sad! she got to save falin--but for how long? she got to save falin--but what about the next one? she got to save falin--why is that okay, but she isn't allowed to "have" everyone else? saving falin was only possible because of the help of a demon and forbidden magic, and while it's presented creepily, as readers we're certainly meant to root for falin's return. it's a "good" thing. it's the entire point of the first act, and the entire point of the very last. it's the good ending. it's happy! it's hard-won! and yet marcille needs to learn to accept death.

this dissonance is intentional, of course, and that's what makes it so fucking interesting. of course marcille goes crazy for a second. of course she struggles and obsesses. everyone else, functionally, gets to have what she wants! everyone else gets to "have" the dead now, no strings attached, no abnormal amount of future grief to carry. (for the opposite, past loss, imagine being kabru: being raised from the dead--watching your friends get casually revived--paying for the privilege--and thinking of your long-dead mother, who didn't get this chance, and wondering how easy it could have been.) in the future, when marcille's losses come, the dungeon's rules won't be around to protect her anymore from that cold, dull finality. it'll be real when it wasn't before. and she just has to be cool with that. man. MAN.

#marcille donato #marcille dungeon meshi #dunmeshi spoilers #falin touden #i have extra feelings about this having lost a friend young in real life #dungeon meshi #delicious in dungeon

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differenteagletragedy · 4 months

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Hi, if you're willing, could I request some clingy Cove headcanons? Thanks

Clingy Cove is the best! Love him to bits.

-- When it comes to you, the boy just does not need personal space. It's not a requirement. Totally unnecessary.

-- If you do need it, that's fine! He'll absolutely give you as much as you need with zero complaints! Being clingy often has a negative connotation, but that's not what it is with Cove. He fully supports you doing whatever you need to do emotionally, having friends, being with your family, all of that OBVIOUSLY.

-- But if it was entirely up to him, he'd just rather be with you always. You are home to him, you have been for almost his whole life. With you he feels safe and comfortable, he feels like himself. He feels seen and accepted and loved, and it's the best feeling in the whole world.

-- So if you need some time to yourself, just tell him, ok? Because otherwise he's going to want to be right there.

-- You don't actually have to DO everything together, parallel play is wonderful! If you work from home, he'd just want to hang out in the same room if he's home too. If you're cooking dinner, then he can help, or at least sit on the counter looking pretty. If you need a nap and he's not sleepy, maybe he'll lie down with you anyway and read. And when he's older and more settled, why take two showers when you can just share one?

-- For real on that last one though especially, he's in ORCA, he's going to be about water conservation. Baths/showers together are very very important quality time.

-- It's like he just sort of doesn't understand the appeal of being alone if he could be with you. Again, if you do, that's great, he's more than willing to work with it.

-- I am going to be lazy and copy and paste something from another ask because it fits here too and I was thinking about this one when I wrote it lol

-- The whole thing about Cove is that to him, you are the best person in the world. And that's not just something to say, he literally thinks you are the best person in the entire world. He doesn't know most of the other people, sure, but he doesn't have to because how could anyone else be better than you? Remember, when he was little he thought you were actually made for him, and even though he's grown up and he's realized that's not how people work, the general belief is still there. You are the only person for him, and in that way, you were made for each other.

-- When you live together, if you like to sleep in or if you just sleep a little later than he does, every day is going to start with him trying to figure out if he should get his day started or just cuddle you for longer.

-- Sometimes if he really needs to get something done and decides to get up while you're still sleeping, he'll feel bad and try to sneak back in bed without waking you up. This, or if he really is just too busy, you have to get in bed earlier to make up for the lost time.

Cove: Come on, it's bedtime!

You: It's 8:30.

Cove: Yeah, and there's a cuddle deficit that we need to address.

-- He knows the exact math on this, don't try to argue with him.

-- I could genuinely do this all day.

-- What if after Step 3 you move away? Man is that gonna be hard.

-- I don't generally like the idea of taking Cove away from the beach, but I think if it's between the beach and you, he's going to pick you every single time.

-- So it may take him a little bit if plans are made more last minute, or if you don't confess right away, but if he knows you're going to college for FOUR YEARS far away, or if you get a job in another state? He's going to have a hard time just letting that be that.

-- When you are apart, he will text all the time. He's not expecting a conversation every time, he's fully aware of how clingy he is, but if he sees something that reminds him of you, he'll send you a photo, stuff like that.

You: *checking your phone on your lunch break to see several texts from Cove*

Cove: Do you remember when that bird stole dad's sandwich lol *sends video of bird*

Cove: I wish we were at the beach

Cove: Can we make fudge tonight

Cove: I miss you

-- This is obviously cannon, but when he gets settled he doesn't care that everyone knows how clingy he is.

-- Why would he? He is SO PROUD to be yours!

#our life beginnings and always #cove holden

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primojade · 1 year

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𝐋𝐎𝐕𝐄, 𝐀𝐓 𝐋𝐎𝐍𝐆 𝐋𝐀𝐒𝐓.

“ your arms are the safest haven in this chaotic world we live in. ”

𝐒𝐔𝐌𝐌𝐀𝐑𝐘 | Different scenarios where he questions, and discovers what love truly was, at long last.

𝐂𝐖 / 𝐓𝐖 | gn!reader x wanderer and albedo (separate); fluff, hurt to reverse comfort; cursing; self-hatred for the boys 😭; scara threatens to end ei in his mind 💦 let me know if I missed anything!

𝐍𝐎𝐓𝐄𝐒 | this is a very self indulgent fic I thought of when watching the 3.3 live stream yesterday 😭 I just added albedo because i'm a simp, okay xD otherwise this is supposed to be scara-centric 👀

Masterlist

The Wanderer always knew that his mother viewed him as a failed creation, knew that she never loved him the way she adored her sister.

He even knew that the Raiden Shogun never loved him.

His whole life, the puppet never saw true love, never knew what true love looked like, was afraid of the aspects and emotions that caused love.

What he thought was love was so sick and twisted. What he thought was love was drowned in emotional abuse and abandonment. What he thought was love all ended up so wrong, so absolutely fucked up. How could he possibly let himself trust again?

The thing meant to do good for the people, only caused more harm in the end. He put his trust in three people once, and nothing good came out of it.

The Wanderer would—could—never trust again.

(But he did trust again.)

Despite this, a closed off boy, a nearly broken puppet beyond repair, fell in love deeply. Simply craving the affection his mother never gave him. Craving physical touches and gentle words from the strange person he recently met.

No wonder the puppet feared what he never had, never dreamed of having. Feeling anything beyond pain and suffering and loss was foreign and unnatural. Allowing such feelings when hating his mother and everyone in the world by the second felt selfish and he hated himself, hated himself, absolutely despised himself over it.

The Wanderer seemed to change by the days that passed, sometimes it felt more like merely an hour, or minutes that passed by. A boy in absolute terror who cried out for his mother in the past, wanting to hug her, to choke her by the neck, to hear her called him her son, wanted her dead, wanted her suffering in the same way he does.

He had suffered since his creation. A case of Nature vs Nurture; where nurture is superior, and the puppet is left completely alone.

The wandering eccentric persona, his persona as Kunikuzushi, the cruel Balladeer of the Fatui, the persona he showed to the Tsaritsa and her Harbingers, the persona he showed to the Dendro Archon, the persona he showed the rest of the world…the persona he showed to you.

Among them, which one was the real him?

Scientific theories stated that people have multiple facets, slightly different personalities that are all ours. Personalities that rebounded social cues curated by the situations and people we are around. Our need to fit in, our need for self fulfilling is what makes us have these multiplying and seemingly infinite forms.

So, why did it feel so wrong?

On the days when missions and commissions cut a bit too close, he wasn’t afraid to die. Nahida would give him another long lecture about not being invincible, and somewhere along, you would reprimand him for being so careless with himself. He hated how much you and the Dendro Archon could see through his tough farce.

"...Why do you even give a shit about me?"

"I give a shit about you not dying, idiot, about not having the godsdamn Fatui on our asses because you wanted to plot revenge."

"Shut up, [Name]."

Even the Wanderer knew it was a lie. You cared, Nahida cared. Even the Traveller and their annoying talking companion cared too in their own ways.

But could they really blame him? It's inevitable and hard to change, no matter how hard he tried. Worthless, incompetent beings like him were only doomed to suffer should they allow themselves to feel.

It's what he was, all he was, all he should ever be allowed to be.

"...Wanderer, I love you."

"...A horrible decision. You could have so much better. Why put yourself in so much danger? You should be with someone safe and reliable. I am a cruel man, [Name], you know that. I could kill you if I—"

"...I know you spent your entire life listening to empty promises and hurtful words. I know it’s hard for you to believe me, but it doesn’t make me love you anything less, you know. And I certainly would never leave you for it. Wanderer, I want to be with you. And I’ll show you by staying by your side, by cheering on you, by taking care of you until the end of time.

"...Why I choose you? Because you’re clever, and extremely intelligent. You’re intuitive, you know when something’s wrong with me. When you told me the truth about yourself, I never felt afraid, it made me want to stay by you, stay with you, be with you more. You love so hard, Wanderer, that you don’t realise how much you care and how much you're hurting yourself in return. You pretend to hide it away because you’ve only been hurt time and time again. But I could see it. I see beyond that ruthless persona you painted yourself into was the real you. I see the Wanderer that Nahida sees as a son. I see the Wanderer that the Traveller puts their trust into no matter how many times he had tried to hurt them.

'"...I see the Wanderer that would put his life on the line for someone he loves, who holds me close to him while we sleep at night. The one that nuzzles his head into my neck before waking up to make the best breakfast I’ve ever had. The one who wants to sit and stargaze and take care of flowers and feel the wind, though begrudgingly.

"The one who wants a normal life, a happy and safe life. Who wants a family and warmth and love and protection. I know, I love you because I know. I love you because perhaps some higher power beyond made us destined to be together despite all the hurt and betrayal. But my free will, my own heart won’t let you slip away—even you yourself say otherwise. I love you so much."

"...I…" I love you so much, too. "...A truly horrible decision, really. You will regret sticking your nose with my business, idiot."

"...Call me whatever you like. But I know I will have no regrets being with you. So, come here. Don’t hold back those tears either, I’m here no matter what."

There was so much that the once broken puppet wished he could say, but he held back for the sake of preserving whatever dignity he had left. But he was completely floored once again by you. Left speechless, and teary eyed, crying inwardly into your shoulder as you whispered comforts and soothing affirmations. Holding him close, rubbing his back in a way that made the anxieties slip away.

This wasn’t the end. He was aware that the insecurities and anger and doubts would bubble up again soon. However, you would be there even then, providing the same stability and affection he needed, he wanted. Time will just keeps on going and turning, but surely the pain, little by little, like grains of sand in a hourglass, will fade away.

Whether this unexplainable feeling was happiness, content, love, or entirely something else…perhaps it should not matter anymore.

Because not all that wanders were lost—at least not anymore. And despite lacking a physical heart, the Wanderer felt it, at long last.

Multiple theories stated that a person is either left brained or right brainedーeither drowned in the world of alchemical codes and mathematical and logical equations, or simply buried knee deep in the latest light novels and in their wildest imaginations. Those with a left brain are logical and cynical. Right brains being artistic and emotional.

Then, why was it that despite the hours spent fretting over alchemical codes, studying numerical equations, drowning x, y and z; Albedo developed a knack for the arts?

Sure enough, he was good at alchemy, so much that he could be called a genius of the century, they say. He was intellectually capable of impossible memorisation and observation. So, if learning were as easy as a-b-c…

Why was there the want, the need, to indulge himself in loving you?

The engagement to have the creative liberty and freedom to live his life with you—that wasn’t what he was known for, was it, now? That was not what he was created for.

Alchemy and calculations tossed to the side in order to succumb to a foreign feeling like a hopeless romantic, yet Albedo should not feel. He had no right to feel. Artificial humansーa homunculusーlike himself were not meant to feel.

But, what if he fell in love?

So, what if suddenly he wanted to draw romantic starry sketches about someone he pine for?

Someone that, despite his numerous attempts to gently push away, only pulled him closer?

If he were to suddenly be inspired by contemporary romance, that was no one’s concern, but his own.

Does it feel wrong, however.

Enjoying life created deep depths of bitterness and abandonment. All the sketches, his greatest achievements, and glaringly successful alchemy experiments in the world, felt absolutely meaningless when Albedo thought about his place—where he ought to stand in this world.

Perhaps that in itself became the reason for his artistic endeavors—emotions bottled up for so long they had been forgotten. It was common, he supposed. Forgetting memories was a consequence of heartless indifference after all, whether they are artificial or natural beings.

Albedo was not quite certain what to feel. Was it anger? Disappointment? Maybe self-hatred for his own existence? Did he feel love? Or was it merely compensation for the years upon years of loneliness and abandonment?

If Albedo developed feelings for you, the strange person who showed him romantic affection, was it really, truly, love? Was that what it really meant to feel this so-called…true love?

He wasn't certain, that one was for sure. The alchemist could solve an array of problems that would give the seven mysteries of Teyvat a run for its money, could pinpoint the exact ingredients for his never ending experiments, but love…

Love remained the greatest unsolved mystery for him.

Was it fair to you?

No.

Didn’t it make him feel like a hypocrite to proclaim his love to you when he didn’t even know what love truly was?

Yes.

The psychological repercussions of overthinking and intelligence becomes, if it comes to this endevours, a daily nightmare for him indeed.

As much as Albedo tried to be loving, it scared him—terrified him that you would one day wake up and leave him. That this whole thing was a mere fickle dream or a heartless trick of his mind to ease his burdens, and then he’d be alone again, abandoned and lost. Left alone in his strange fascination for alchemy and mysteries, pretending like nothing really mattered, an indifferent alchemist.

It's what he was, all he was, all he should ever be allowed to be.

"—Hey. Hey! Albedo? Hehe, you finally looked at me! Could you tell me what’s on your mind?"

"...I really should not. It would merely burden you and—"

"...Nope. Don’t start with that, silly. How many times do I have to tell you that bottling up your emotions will do more harm than good? Plus, I’m always here willing to listen to you."

That’s what he loved about you. Always caring for him. Always firm and assertive when you knew you were in the right. You never backed down, especially if the enemies came from his foreign emotions.

"...I...I'm terrified,"

"...on the inside?"

"Yes. I just—I was wondering…how do I know if I’m...truly in love with you?"

"Hmm. When I do this, what do you feel?"

"Um…well—heh—my heart starts beating faster."

"...Your cheeks are red, too."

"...And I want to kiss you, truly."

"Why is that?"

"I'm not certain. There’s this fascinating magnetic pull inside me that makes me want to hold you close to me, kiss you senseless, and never let you stray away. I want to tease you nearly to tears, then be the person you could rely on. There's this peculiar feeling that cannot wait to give you everything you ever wanted in the world. Its strange, truly strange, but even more strange enough, I felt...very content."

"Do I make you happy, then?"

"Very, very much. You have no idea."

"...Bedo, I think you just figured out what love is on your own."

My. So, he did love you.

He loved Klee, too. Albeit not the same way as you, but the way a big brother loves his little sister should have, the way family was supposed to be. He loved his Master as well in a maternal sense, and all of his friends and comrades. The want to keep them safe, the teasing, the inexplicable happiness he felt around them, it was all love, all along.

Albedo would say he had you to thank for helping him realise. But he knew you well enough that you would say that maybe you did help, but for you, it was all himself. You just patiently hinted it out to him to figure out on his own.

Albedo loved you rather intensely, he discovered. And being with you is love in and of itself, at long last.

TAGLIST (let me know if you want to be added in my future works!): @samarill , @maehemthemisfit , @chocogi

#genshin impact #genshin impact x reader #scaramouche x reader #albedo x reader #wanderer x reader #albedo #scaramouche #jaded moments—!#genshin albedo #genshin scaramouche #gender neutral reader #twilight theatre

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wannab-urs · 4 months

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The Spreadsheet Digest | Vol 29

Howdy folks!

This is the final Spreadsheet Digest of 2023! I started the spreadsheet back in May as a way for me to keep up with everything I read. Basically, I was having trouble finding fics I had read so I could reread them or I was getting two chapters into a new series before realizing I'd already read it. So I did what I do and I made a spreadsheet about it. Then I felt like other people might benefit from a searchable list of fics. Then, and I don't know why, I thought people might want to know what I thought about the stuff I was reading. And here we are - 29 volumes and 34 weeks later.

Sorry for long intro! This week I have 16 fics for you (Frankie, Joel, Max Phillips, Javi P, Ezra, Dieter, Dave York, and Jack/Whiskey). Summaries and Tags provided by the author where applicable - sometimes I filled in some stuff.

You can find my masterlist here and all my fic recs here

Recs under the Pedro!

My Way - Frankie one shot by @goodwithcheese

Summary: Frankie's working on his truck... you interrupt him Tags: PIV Sex, Frankie uses his words, aka "you know he talks you through it," frankie is bossy Thoughts: if he uhhh "uses his words" this much in the series this is technically set in, I do believe I'll be reading that. This was HOT. Like absurdly hot. Lemme be you car girl, Frankie

Cocoon - Joel series by @secretelephanttattoo

Summary: A short ode to Joel's coat. / a bath with Joel Tags: Angst and intimacy. 1 reference to blood and allusion to canon typical violence (nothing is described) Thoughts: God i love little intimate moments like this... wrapping yourself up in Joel's coat, washing the bad day out of his curls... I am SICK! Someone let me hold this man, please.

I'll Leave a Light On For You - Max Phillips one shot by @oonajaeadira

Summary: Max has reservations when it comes to love, and for very good reasons. Tags: Angst. Character death. Allusions to the atrocities of war and its lasting effects. Max is a vampire. Traumatic soul memory. Me assuming I know anything about French culture of the 1930s. Thoughts: This is beautiful. Just absolutely stunning. I have a fascination with the concept of past lives, and I adore the way it's written about it here. There are some really interesting takes on it here with Max being a vampire. Also, side note, this fic made me cry. It's that soft angst that you don't expect to make you sob, but holy shit. When it hit (you'll know it when you read it) it hit. I was devastated. And then because it's adira and "we do soft here" it ends sweet.

Once in a Blue Moon - Dieter one shot by @whatsnewalycat

Summary: You're the only person working when a Christmas blizzard rolls into town and snows you in with a notoriously difficult guest, Dieter Bravo. Tags: one shot, slight dub con elements (power imbalance, isolation, alcohol) although both parties are enthusiastically consenting, hotel guest x hotel staff, blizzard, Minnesota because that’s my best friend, dieter generally being an ‘if you give a mouse a cookie’ ass bitch, kinda enemies to lovers???, Christmas, loneliness, palm reading, food and eating, cannabis, conspiracy theory mention, fluuuuuufffff, smut, dirty talk, a dash of conflict, painting stuff, power outage, poverty mention Thoughts: Aly has this way of writing Dieter that is like she knows him in real life. He feels so personal and real to me in her stories. I think I say this every time I talk about her fics, but my Dieter would not exist without hers. Anyway -- this fic is wonderful. Dieter has all that silly druggie boy charm he always has, there's a really interesting inclusion of him having PTSD from working on the movie from The Bubble and a really interesting way that he's dealing with it. It's got perfect vibes for us christmas haters too. I loved this so much.

Jingle Balls / Dashing through the ho - Frankie series by @idolatrybarbie

Summary: Santa Frankie porn... that's it. That's the fic Tags: santa kink???, cockwarming, cum, like so much cum, unprotected vaginal sex, unethical use of a mall Santa Village, semi-public sex, dirty talk and pet names, mentions of free use. / santa kink again, free use, spreader bar, creampie, come eating, facefucking, throatpie, anal sex, degradation, cum, pet names (honey, little girl, sweet girl, baby), praise, CUM AGAIN GUYS LIKE IDK WHAT HAPPENED HERE. Thoughts: This is mostly my fault and I refuse to apologize for it

Galletita - Javi P one shot by @gasolinerainbowpuddles

Summary: Your sister and brother-in-law have enlisted your help with their small business while they await the birth of their first baby. You help with the cafe and find yourself face to face with a new customer whose appetite might have met its match in you. Tags: big boi Javi P is hungry and a little cranky, you like to bake and Javi likes to eat, belly kink, feeding kink, probably bad Spanish, we’re playing fast and loose with timelines, canon, and everything in general, so just forget about timey wimey boo boo wah wah and enjoy the story lmao Thoughts: I do, in fact, need a big boy

Devour - Ezra one shot by @frannyzooey

Summary: Falling for Ezra on the Green Tags: harvesting violence, mentions of gore and blood, mentions of cannibalism, love as consumption and all the visuals that come with it, so much fucking and filth and ass play and cum eating it isn’t funny Thoughts: It was a gift for me, so I really probably should not be so amazed by how much I love this fic. But oh my god, dude. Love as consumption, freak nasty smut, Ezra being Ezra, bi!Ez, the Din/Ez hints (I'd like to know more about that), it's all perfect. I will never stop being obsessed with this

Tear You Apart - Dieter one shot by @psychedelic-ink

Summary: it's the 70s and your friend invites you to an underground club where one of your favorite musicians is playing: dieter bravo. Tags: innocence kink, mild corruption kink, backstage sex, piv, dirty talk, weed, oral + handjob (male receiving)obsessed with rockstar Dieter. Thoughts: I'm surprised I haven't seen more rockstar Dieter. This was hot, filthy, and just... in the words of the man himself perfect.

One Man Show - Dieter one shot by @ramblers-lets-get-ramblin

Summary: Dieter gets himself off! Tags: male masturbation, use of sex toys, anal fingering, butt plug, sex tape??? i guess Thoughts: I'm loving this solo session concept so much. Dieter filming himself!!! for no reason!!! is so hot. Everything about this is so fucking hot. I want him to send me that video...

I am a nightmare, you are a miracle - Joel series by @party-hearses

Summary: After your two year relationship with Tommy Miller ends, Joel takes you in — and it’s home like you’ve never quite known before. Tags: slow burn, explicit (eventual) smut, language, infidelity, alcohol, age difference, soft!joel, no cordyceps outbreak, sarah doesn’t exist (sorry), tommy stans don’t come for me. Thoughts: I have been very intentionally not reading WIPs and waiting for them to be finished, but I fucked up. I was scrolling the dash and frannyzooey recc'd this and it caught my eye and I just didn't even check if it was finished. But I regret nothing. Ch 4 is coming soon, I'm manifesting it. I fucking love Joel in this and I'm super intrigued by reader's uhhhh mommy issues and the way that those manifest.

MASTERLIST BINGE INCOMING | @brandyllyn

To sell your love for peace - Javi P series by @brandyllyn

Summary: You are Javier’s newest informant. You’re not his usual type but he’s willing to make an exception. More than one. Tags: smut, sex work, canon typical violence, javi being a moron Thoughts: I adore a lovers to idiots to lovers story... and man is Javi an idiot. The characterization of Javi here is perfect. Protective!Javi is very canon and I love seeing it in fic. Also, I don't normally go for miscommunication tropes (they tend to annoy me) but this was perfect. I loved every second of this story.

The Serpent Under It - Dave York one shot by brandyllyn

Summary: Dave is very good at his job Tags: Canon typical violence. kinda dark yo, soulmate AU Thoughts: I don't typically read soulmate AUs, but I actually read several of brandyllyn's this week. They're very different from the normal trope. This one broke my heart and it's less than 800 words.

To perish twice - Javi P series by brandyllyn

Summary: You can feel when your soulmate comes. Tags: smut, soulmate AU, Javi being an idiot, male masturbation, piv sex Thoughts: This is what I mean... you can feel when your soulmate has a fuckin orgasm??? What a concept. This was really hot, kind of funny, and had just the right amount of angst.

Cross My Heart - Ezra one shot by brandyllyn

Summary: While waiting at a clinic for the hope of a prosthetic arm, Ezra meets a woman who will change his life Tags: Talk of self harm / suicide but no one does it, discussion of medical procedures and prostheses, some use of ability based slurs by Ezra and others, canon typical violence Thoughts: We love a man who will threaten to murder someone's entire family for you... no seriously. I absolutely love Ezra's characterization here and I love the FMC's story AHHH. It's just a very sweet story... with a little Ezra flair.

Into the Shade - Ezra series by brandyllyn

Summary: Why would anyone fake having a soulmate? Tags: Ezra being Ezra, con man!ezra, soulmate AU, smut, Ezra x OFC smut, Ezra x reader is in there though. Thoughts: Yet again, the typical soulmate concept has been turned on its head here, and I love it. I also adore the flores animae - the particular soulmate mechanic in this fic. It's really interesting!

Dreams are Sweet Until They're Not - Jack Daniels series by brandyllyn

Summary: A crimson rose could only mean one thing. Tags: soulmates au, Jack being a slut, angst, smut, happy ending Thoughts: Okay last soulmates AU on the list, sorry. I went a little nuts. They're just so good. The ending of this one was so sweet, dude.

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My fics this week:

Something Sweet - Javi p x reader - You’re new to the team in Colombia and all alone on your birthday. Your partner, Javier Peña, decides to do something sweet for you. (fluff, smut)

Under Your Skin - jack daniels x javi p x reader - You’ve worked on Chucho’s ranch since you were 15 years old, grew up with Javi, loved Javi… He comes back after nearly 20 years to find you hooking up with a certain former secret agent. He’s jealous, for sure, but of who? (smut)

in the a.m. - javi p x reader - Between sleeping with informants and getting in bed with Los Pepes in the fight to bring down Escobar, Javier Peña also finds time to be with you. Wrestling with crippling self hatred, Javi tries and fails to keep his blood stained hands off of you. Based on some of my favorite Arctic Monkeys songs (smut, angst)

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Happy Reading!

#fic recs #the spreadsheet digest #fanfiction recommendations #pedro pascal #pedro pascal fanfiction #pedro fics #pedro pascal character fanfiction

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proshippers-against-censorship · 5 months

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Just a little bit of housekeeping. Bear with me.

You may call me Jackal. I'm an adult and literally do not give a hoot about what pronouns you use for me. I do not claim to be a good person. If I was a good person, this account would not exist. I am a civil and polite person, though, and I expect you all to be the same. I am a mechatronics major who previously was pursuing a degree and career in psychology, before determining that I didn't like dealing with people's self-issues and switching majors to mechatronics, though I do try to continue with psych courses as I do find knowledge of human psychology to be key when programming. From the ages of 14-18, I worked in childcare at a highly acclaimed summercamp, along with smaller day camps and after-school activities. From the ages of 10 to 18, I took a variety of classes focused on childcare. This has led me to realize that I absolutely hate children. So, believe me, I will not hurt your child and they will receive the best care that I can give with my training if I have them for whatever reason, however, I do not want kids anywhere around me period, much less do I have any desire to touch, let alone fuck them.

I do not write nor read most lolicon, incest, or bestiality content. I do not support pedophilia, incest, rape, or bestiality in real life. I do read lolicon of adult women with more youthful bodies, because that content helps me grow confidence in my own body, as I'm constantly mistaken to be a child despite being above the age of 18. I do hope all child-touchers, animal-fuckers, rapists, racists, and anybody else who harms a living thing out of ill will rots in jail. To reiterate, this account is strictly ANTI-CONTACT. You can't control paraphilias but you can control the harm they cause.

I do support the protection of all things fictional, because if we make the things a few people find morally wrong to be illegal, we've then already lost when the folks on top go after fiction supporting LGBT, non-christian religions, etc.

I also support the protection of vent pieces, even if that vent centers around things like pedophilia, rape, etc. I am proud of you for taking yet another step towards healing from abuse you suffered in the past and/or from the harmful paraphilias that you struggle with currently.

This account is built on the notion that any interaction will be productive and good-natured regardless of the involved parties. You are free to give your stance on why proship is bad...so long as you accept the fact that people are then welcome to debate back on why proship isn't bad. Any debates that turn hairy will be ended, however, healthy debate and challenging your beliefs is a wonderful way to continuously educate yourself.

Despite my account, I do not intend on forcing an belief on you. In fact, I greatly support that you look at both anti-proship and proship content, and make the effort to educate yourself as well as possible and determine what belief you truly belong to. There is no good in trapping yourself in an echo chamber.

You are free to submit any points as asks or submissions. So long as they are productive and good-natured, I will post them, regardless of what side they take. If they are not productive or good-natured, they will either be deleted, or I will post them to both clown on you for being an asshole and educate you the best I can on why anti-proship is a rather harmful belief system.

Feel free to draw my attention to any posts I haven't reblogged yet that would fit in to this blog. I'll look them over and reblog them.

Most posts will be reblogs, asks, and submissions. However, I may occasionally post my own thoughts. These will often be tagged with #jackal barks, but sometimes I will forget. Any hate comments will be simply tagged as #hatemail.

I have an alternate account called @proshitters-against-constipation . I use that blog to reblog content from antis and shower it in compliments. Look, it's funny watching them sob because a 'nasty, nasty person' gave them a genuine, heartfelt compliment.

Please just block this blog if uncomfortable with the content. It's very glitchy on my phone, so most of the time, tags are incredibly minimal. I will not hold anything against you for blocking the blog. The whole point is that you are the one responsible for curating your online existence. If you dislike incest ships, block em. Dislike noncon content, block it. Dislike the contents of this blog, block me. You control what you see, just as others control what they see. Curate your feed, don't curate others.

Thank you all for reading this, and remember, if you let them destroy the fiction you find morally despicable, then when they come for what you enjoy and support, you've already lost.

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Ask/submission tagging system!

#pro stance - proshipper asks

#anti stance - antishipper asks

#no stance - asks of indeterminate standing

#birthday wishes - B O R T H

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If you actually scrolled down this far, have a fun, exciting, and inconclusive list of beings I would be down to smash:

•Stain (MHA)

•Overhaul (MHA)

•EVA-01 (NGE)

•EVA-02 (NGE)

•Xue Yang (MDZS)

•Kurloz Makara (Homestuck)

•Mothman

•Bigfoot

#jackal barks #introduction post #blog housekeeping

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roo-bastmoon · 1 year

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"I can't stand your kumbaya OT7 fake cheeriness. Be ffr."

First and foremost, I will always advocate that you police your own experience. PLEASE mute / block / unfollow me if my posts (and just my personality in general) are causing you distress. I never wish to be the source of problems in the world. So go with my blessing.

But second...

I hope you know there are some really good REASONS why I'm so "kumbaya" right now.

In my 44 years living on this space rock, I have:

--had a vicious abusive alcoholic parent who broke my nose when I was a kid

--been through my parents' nasty divorce that left us so poor we lived out of a car and ate one meal a day so our cats could have cat food

--developed disordered binge eating because I believed it was necessary during my semi-pro ballet days

--was sexually assaulted by a partner who professed to love me

--had not one but TWO diagnosed narcissistic bosses who made my beloved workplaces hell for years

--survived (so far) uterine cancer which took away my ability to ever be a bio-mom, something I'd always wanted for myself

I look at this laundry list of trauma (for which I am seeing a WONDERFUL therapist) and think to myself:

"Even so, I've lived such a cushy, privileged, safe and happy life. I've got four higher degrees; I've traveled the US and through Europe; I've worked on creative and charitable projects that I'm proud of; I've got a small band of wonderful real-life friends who stuck by me for the past 30+ years. It's been a good and meaningful life."

But I am TIRED of drama and I've had a lifetime supply of harsh words and meanspirited discourse. I'm just so fed up with it. I'm allergic to it now.

I'm not saying we should allow hate and harmful behavior to slide. But here on the internet, we have the power to block and remove anything we don't want to see or be a part of. I WISH we could do that in real life, where the stakes are so much higher.

So for my part, after being in all kinds of internet fandoms since 1999, I've come to the conclusion that I will not hang with mean girls, I will not feed trolls, I will not fight with antis, and I will TRY not to pop off on people who upset me (sometimes menopause gets the better of me, I admit it). Rather, I will just redirect my focus to what brings me joy, I will follow my bliss, I will take revenge by living happily.

And keep in mind... People are human. Fans and members alike are going to have bad takes, bad attitudes, bad days, bad habits. The question is: are they willfully causing harm? If yes, intervention is necessary. If no, then a little grace might be more useful.

I come from three generations of teachers and one of the most important things they've said to me is: Shame is not a teaching tool. It might temporarily change someone's behavior, but more often than not they double down in order to counteract embarrassment. If you want good results, thank a person for trying their best, acknowledge they are likely struggling, and invite them to be the better version of themselves you absolutely know they can be. Sometimes that works.

With ruiners, it doesn't. They just want to ruin things. Ruining things makes them feel powerful, because they cannot create; they can only destroy. It is their only talent. Ruiners invade a space and absolutely delight in ruining it for everyone else. It's a disease and I don't know the cure. The only way I know to counteract a ruiner is to stay in your space and LOUDLY be joyful, be cheerful, focus on what you love, and drown out their vitriol and hate with compassion and love.

So THAT is why I'm so "kumbaya cheerful OT7." Even on days when I would love nothing more than to thrash and whine, I'm trying my best to be a good little oyster and filter out the toxins, so this place remains focused on what matters: supporting BTS and enjoying ARMY.

If after knowing all that, I'm still not your cup of tea? I totally understand and I really don't mind if you need to mute me. This blog is just a hobby, just a place I come to escape the stress of work deadlines and house renovations and sick kitties and my own health issues and real life problems. Probably that's why you're here too. It's meant to be fun and enjoyable. I'm sorry if you don't like me, but... I'll never change all my colors for you.

So go follow your joy and find like-minded blogs. You have my blessing. And maybe we'll meet each other again on down the road, and we'll both be in better places, and we can walk together by then. Either way, you deserve to be happy.

Love, Roo

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archiveikemen · 1 year

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Liam Evans Main Story: Chapter 19 Premium Story

I do not own any of the Ikemen Series content being uploaded on this blog, everything belongs to CYBIRD. Please support them by playing their games and buying stories. Not 100% accurate, expect mistakes.

read this before interacting with my posts

Liam’s fingers were trembling slightly, and yet he was still smiling like it was nothing.

It was sad, tragic, and helplessly pitiable.

I reached my hand out and gently touched Liam’s smiling face.

Liam: … Kate?

Kate: … Liam, please don't smile.

Kate: Forcing a smile is an act of kindness towards the people around you, but you’re not being kind to yourself, you know?

Liam: That’s… what I said to you before.

Kate: … That’s right. You said that to me, and you’re trying so hard to smile.

From the moment we met, Liam had told me many things and treated me with kindness.

I was saved by him, who told me with a carefree smile that the real me is precious.

(I wanted to help people bravely face what their tomorrow would bring.)

(But I couldn't erase the fears of the person who meant the most to me and was right in front of me.)

I felt guilty, but I knew that regret would do nothing to make things better.

— That’s enough.

If that’s the case, then all I can do is look into his eyes and say it over and over again.

Kate: … Hey, Liam. The world has never been kind to you, right?

I remembered the way his face looked when he was talking while he stared at the crimson sky.

– Flashback Start –

Liam: Sometimes, I wish that all the sad things in the world will disappear.

Liam: How nice would it be if this were a world where no one has to shed a tear.

Liam: I’m not as intelligent as Will or Harry, so I don't know the complications, but…

Liam: Perhaps deep down in my heart, I wondered if such a world would exist after “fighting evil with evil”.

– Flashback End –

(You know more than anyone else that the world will never be free from sadness, and yet you still hoped for it.)

(This is the kind of person you are.)

Kate: Truthfully speaking, I want to make your world a kinder place.

Liam. … Make my world kinder?

Kate: Yes. I want to turn it into a world where not a single painful thing exists, and nothing can hurt you.

Kate: However, as much as I really want to do that… I can’t.

(Because I can’t change what has already happened in the past.)

(Your curse and episodes may never disappear.)

For the rest of his life, Liam had to live with the core of heart battered and crumbling.

Liam may not see life as a figure of hope, but rather a figure of hopelessness.

Kate: The world may not always be kind to you.

Kate: Living in such a world might be harder for you to do than anything else.

I held Liam’s hand that was trembling on the bed.

Kate: However…

Kate: I don’t regret saving your life that night.

Liam: …

Kate: And I won’t ever regret it. Absolutely not.

Liam’s eyes widened and his brows knitted together.

Liam: … You will.

Liam: You have to regret it… it’s useless. Kate. Think about it, why did you save someone like me!

When I shook my head in response, Liam gasped like he was getting anxious.

Liam: I just told you how horrible I can get when I’m having an episode.

Liam: And haven't you personally witnessed me doing something terrifying? You were even soaked in blood…

Kate: Yeah. … I remember that clearly.

Liam: Then… why?

The longer I stared at Liam, the more his eyes shook anxiously like those of a lost child.

Even so, I couldn't look away.

Liam: Right. Do you know that when I first approached you, it was only for my own benefit?

Liam: I just wanted to be needed by you, so I could feel good about myself. It wasn't out of kindness, it was because of my twisted desire to be acknowledged.

Kate: … That’s how you see it, but it was kindness to me.

Liam: …

Liam: And also… I can’t taste anything I eat, I can’t sleep well at night either. Haha… I’m truly broken beyond repair.

Liam: I’m right next to you, even though I don't deserve you. And yet, I was the one who got close to you in the first place… how ironic.

Liam: … I know for sure that I’ll end up hurting you if I stay by your side any longer, Kate.

Liam: To me, that…

Liam: … Scares me more than hurting myself.

Liam: I’ll fall into despair again if I hurt you and see your sad face.

Liam: Everything, all of it, they scare me…

(Ah…)

(Liam is so willing to hurt himself in order to protect me.)

(He’s used to being hurt, alone, and unloved.)

(It’s… so extreme.)

And Liam’s heart would always be lonely and hurt.

(If you're keeping me away from you to protect me, then I’ll protect you by getting closer to you.)

Words weren't enough to express my feelings, so I gently pressed my lips to the back of Liam’s hand that I was still holding in mine.

His hand quivered, and I heard him gasp.

Liam: … Kate… what are you doing…

I looked up to see Liam staring at me in fear.

I cupped his cheeks in my hands and pressed two kisses on his eyelids, in hopes that I could get rid of the fears hidden behind those eyes, even just a little.

Liam: Kate…

Then his rose coloured hair.

His beautifully shaped ears.

And his cheeks where his long eyelashes cast shadows on.

Kate: … Liam, look at me.

Liam: … Mm.

Our eyes met, and then our lips.

I slowly broke the kiss and to stop Liam from disappearing, I gently trapped him in my embrace.

Kate: You said that you hurt me, but I’m certain that I’ll hurt you as well.

To be deeply in love with someone can also mean hurting them.

Kate: Not just right now, but from this moment on, over and over again.

Kate: It’s not possible to be together with someone without ever hurting them. Therefore…

Liam: …?

Kate: Can we look each other in the eyes, talk it out, and start over whenever that happens?

Kate: Can we live in the present moment together, and look forward to our tomorrows…?

Liam: Tomorrow…?

(Because you said that you liked how I’m always looking forward to tomorrow.)

Kate: Yes. If you’re scared of what your tomorrows will bring…

Kate: Then, starting from tomorrow, I’ll always be reaching out to you.

(It doesn't matter if it’s merely a show of courage. I believe in tomorrow and I will look forward to it.)

Kate: Therefore…

Kate: Please live.

Liam: …

Kate: For me, who loves you.

(And someday… for yourself.)

Liam: You’re… being too nice to me…

Liam hesitantly wrapped his arms around me and returned the hug.

When I reach my hand out to him starting tomorrow, he might still not hold it.

However,

I felt that having my hand serve as a sign of hope was the only way.

#ikemen villains #ikemen series #cybird ikemen #cybird otome #otome #ikevil main story #liam main story #niki translates

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passivenovember · 5 months

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Hey! Just wanted to drop by and say your writing is absolutely stunning. You have this innate ability to drag the reader into your writing.

I just finished skinshed and my god the opening chapter was a masterpiece (as was the rest of it). The way you described Billy’s fear of his father, those constant check ins ‘his daddy starts breathing again’ were spine chilling - that slow build tension was incredible.

I was wondering what your view is of Billy and his attitude towards himself - do you think it’s all self-loathing, do you think because he is so overly sexualised he believes that that is all he’s good for, do you think the abuse has hardened him or really he’s soft but trying to protect himself etc etc - I’d love to hear your thoughts (also if you have any fics that you delve into this specifically in please tell me I will consume immediately - though I do plan to read everything anyway 😅)

((FIRST OF ALL I'M CRYING. I'm at work, getting sniffly at my desk over this because you are so unbelievably kind to say this. Thank you. You didn't have to go out of your way to make me smile this hard, but you did. And now I feel like I could punch through a wall or maybe save a school bus full of children if they were careening off a mountainside, or something. Not that I would ever hope for that, but you get my drift.))

This is such a good question!

I'm going to start with "Yes, AND," because in my writing, I love to explore all of these avenues. Billy is all of these things and more, and everything you mentioned is accurate to what we're shown on screen. It's accurate to real life, too. Anyone who's been through abuse like that knows that your anger, sadness, self-loathing, and hope have layers and shades and different textures to them. Nothing is stagnant, when you're an abuse survivor, and things can change by the second depending on what you're experiencing. Sometimes anger looks like sadness and vice versa. Sometimes the texture of those emotions is sharp enough to cut your hands open, and I think that's what we see happening with Billy.

Everything he touches is covered in his blood, it's staggering to see.

He doesn't know how to handle his sadness, so he hammers it into the shape of rage, and he's afraid of himself.

I mean, in season three when Vecna (a creature who is known to show people what they're most afraid of) approaches Billy to be his foot soldier, the thing that Billy sees is himself.

Billy is afraid of his anger.

He's afraid of his sadness. He's a child who is carrying the weight of the world and he's being crushed under the pressure.

From what you mention above, though, I think Billy is soft at his root.

He shows several times (mostly in season three) that he's got a good heart under all the shit he's done to hide it. He's a crier. He paints a layer of vibrato over himself to mask how easily he bruises, but if you throw kindness on him, the armor washes away. It erodes. And as we see in the Battle of Starcourt, he will sacrifice himself so that others can live.

On the flip side, for me, is that the thing about Billy is he's in survival mode. When El travels into his mind in season three, we're introduced to his past. We see that he's spent years taking the brunt of horrific abuse and until the day he died, Billy was constantly being scraped against the pumice of his father's anger. Everything about his experience with Neil tore little holes into him that never fully heal, when he's alive, so he bleeds easily. He folds with almost no pressure.

At his root, I think Billy is afraid of being seen.

I think he's afraid of what he'll do if someone looks at him and sees past the layers he's built to protect himself.

And that leads to him hiding behind the sex-pot persona, and perpetuating his father's actions with Max, and I think it kills him. I think Billy hates himself, but he doesn't know how to stop. He doesn't know any other way, and he never got the chance to learn.

That's what makes him so tragic.

As for works where I explore Billy as a character, Ive got a few that come to mind.

Self Loathing: If Snow Loves the Trees and Fields

Anger: I Know Why The Bird Takes Flight

Sex'd up (but still angry lol): punisher

My writing has changed a ton over the years, but if you read the older stuff, I hope you enjoy it, anyway!

Thanks again for reaching out. This made me want to write so much fanfiction lol

#harringrove #billy hargrove #THIS IS SUCH A GOOD QUESTION OMG #jaz speaks

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laurasbailey · 5 months

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if i may add re: one of the women pulling something like that, i always find that such a funny argument in any fandom because, you know. we do #Live In A Society. so them being women Is actually a pretty crucial difference lmao and yes i might very well have liked it if it had been one of them because of it?

(prefacing the rest of this by asking everyone to bear with me and read this in good faith, i’m talking about a character and not trying to say or imply anything about any players)

which kind of tangentially ties into my biggest beef with ashton (and i understand that this is probably harsh and unfair), but between the acting like they always know better than everyone else, the arrogance and massive ego, the martyr/hero complex combo, the dismissiveness of others' feelings, the anger issues and propensity to violent outbursts etc, this is a character that acts and speaks in ways that are virtually indistinguishable from your average misogynist. i don’t think that this is intentional or even conscious (and definitely not malicious) on tal’s part, I think it’s more likely an unfortunate confluence of circumstances with this particular story (ie the campaign being heavily focused on women, so they’re in a position within the story where they're the natural point one would turn to with disagreements and stuff); but it’s like, no amount of dissecting motivations changes the objective fact of how they behave. and to me that makes for a character who’s about as interesting as idk, an asshole coworker. obviously this is all very subjective, and i know a lot of people find him compelling and write very good analysis, and love and light to them, but i personally cannot get past this and bring myself to give a shit you know.

absolutely get where you're coming from, and it's super interesting because as someone who doesn't see a lot of fandom opinion anymore, i wonder how many people also see this? or do most people just adore ashton and this is the minority opinion?

i usually find taliesin to be very self aware about the flaws of his characters, but i think you're right, without context it could very well come across as misogynistic due to the circumstances of the campaign being very female-centric. personally i think he's just being an asshole and by process of elimination, the women end up in the firing line because they're in the spotlight story-wise and are, let's be real, the leaders of the group. fcg is typically agreeable, nobody butts heads with orym, and chetney generally sits back during any verbal conflict. ashton just seems to have a general lack of respect for everyone and just uses the 'i don't know how to show it' excuse.

i think ashton wants to be a leader (whether they know it or not) but right now they just don't have the qualities to be one. in many situations they're like 'i don't like this', 'we shouldn't do this', but offers no alternatives. and sometimes he'll try to take charge in situations where he should really be taking a backseat (i.e. when they were trying to resurrect laudna) and he'll speak way out of turn on things he knows nothing about (again, that time he said he knows loneliness in a way laudna doesn't ??? lmao). it's like he has a compulsive need to always share his opinion and somehow prove he's suffering more than you, and nobody likes that guy at the party.

it's obvious taliesin is playing a lot of these flaws as a character who was raised by, well, no one, which makes sense! but there's been so little character development for 70+ episodes and very little effort made on ashton's part (up until now where he's supposedly going to change) that i just don't have an interest in it. it just bothers me now because characters i do really love will be caught up in the consequences.

#ask #anonymous #i think the whole 'contradictory for the sake of being contradictory' 'punk' aspect of his design #is so ingrained that it has bled into every aspect of the character lmao #which is funny because i remember avantika once described beau that way #but beau had a maturity and self-awareness from the get-go that ashton just doesn't

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shallowrambles · 7 months

Text

Soas not to hijack this lovely post about Ruby's manipulation...

This goes back to the generic-fandom tendency to see absolutist truth in the mouths of villains instead of a layer of truth or an unflattering reflection of a character's hidden anxiety.

The villains so often chisel out the most uncharitable, two-dimensional explanation of a situation, and even utilize an underlying hang-up, like Sam's issues about feeling like a poverty-stricken, podunk outsider, "a freak."

And the thing is, sometimes the villain's interpretation is just flat-out wrong!

///

Other times, it's a flattening of multiple complex, sometimes competing, truths, like how AU Michael acknowledges Dean's probably-real, underlying issues

of feeling like Sam is a burden who abandons him

that Jack is a burden he didn't ask for

that Cas is someone he owes everything to but who also hides things and makes mistakes over and over

But those are just a tiny portion of what Dean feels, and so you get this messed up, black-and-white, face-value interpretation of a situation.

Everyone has fleeting feelings of negativity. Sometimes, we even have drawn-out pity parties and languish in our worst thoughts. Sometimes, we all long for escape and easier lives, and that includes the love and work we put in to maintain our cherished relationships. We wish it could be easier, or that we could get away from it all.

But the thing is, we know Dean wasn't happier when it was just him and John, and extrapolating that, we know he was indeed grief-stricken by Jack's death and he does indeed want Castiel around just as much as he is grateful for his heroics and frustrated by their past baggage.

Real relationships have baggage. This is a theme that optimism and Amara's idealization of her nursery warn us about! We are supposed to beware of this kind of figmentary Apple White Romanticization/White Picket Fence Idealization.

Anyhoo...

///

Ruby uses insecurity to great effect. She plays Sam, disrespects Sam, and puffs up her plans as the right ones.

///

So does Zachariah, throughout his entire tenure.

We got our vintage, classist Zach, who showed Dean a world where not protecting Sam led to a devil-incarnate-Sam. And the other half of this nightmare scenario is the degradation of Cas, that staying with Cas would literally turn him into a performing!Dean 2.0 to the power of ten.

This never never happened, because it was a reflection of Dean's fear. In fact, when Cas broke bad, he broke bad in his own unique, tyrannical Chuck-adjacent way, not Dean's mode of fatalism. He never even saw it coming the way that it came!

///

We also saw Zach turn his shit on Adam, hurling classist stereotypes about his half-brothers and trying to demean them in such a way as to get Adam to lose hope in them and in their hope of rescuing him.

///

Then, we got the cruel, torturous Good Intentions AU version of Zach:

JACK: What about Sam and Dean? ZACH!CASTIEL: Well, if only they’d accepted you, instead of teaching you to fear your powers. JACK: My powers… ZACH!CASTIEL: Because they feared them. Now, if you’ll just do as I say—

We know that Sam, Dean, and Jack's powers is more complicated than simple fear, though fear is an undeniable layer of it!

///

Anyhoo. This tension.

It's why characters like AU Michael and season 15's Belphegor do what they do!

You're supposed to wonder, "Hey, wait a minute. That's not the full scope of the situation here, is it? That's not how life is. Life is waaaaay more complex. My feelings are letting me see the absolute worst of the situation!"

#meditations on life

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knowlesian · 2 years

Text

on the ‘ofmd is good with emotional realities while existing tonally somewhere between high camp and the muppets’ list for today is the way they handle the unfortunate realities of being in an adult relationship

like, okay: nobody is gonna leave you sitting on a dock in the real world or have to leave you behind to fulfill their life-long vengeance quest or create a plan to kill you and steal your identity or something is deeply, deeply wrong and honestly if those things happen girl (gender neutral) run

but sometimes they let you down, or they tell a lie that snowballs and ends up becoming a genuine problem, or what they need to do conflicts with what you need from them and they handle their shit instead of being there for you.

these are not actually relationship deal breakers, outside specific details in any given situation that would make them obviously a problem.

sometimes the people we love let us down; sometimes they hurt us. sometimes how those things happen are a genuine problem to be addressed, and sometimes it’s just that timing doesn't always line up and make life perfect and easy. part of being an adult, in an adult relationship, is knowing when and how to draw these lines and handle these situations, because they are absolutely 100000000000% unavoidable.

the conflicts between ed and stede and the people in their lives are the most outsized examples of how this can be handled poorly, but if we look at e7 and jim and oluwande we can find a textbook example of how to handle it right.

jim could have just left without saying anything, after a tangible reminder of the traumas of their past came back to speak in nana’s voice and ask ONLY ONE MURDER??????? they could have been defensive, they could have done a million things but look the person they were about to hurt with their choice (because make no mistake: it hurts oluwande to let jim go) and say, this is what i’m going to do. i know it’s probably not what you’d want me to do, and it means i will be leaving you for a time and that fucking sucks because we did not even get to KISS, but this is what i feel i need to do.

and on the other side, oluwande could have gotten pissed about it. he could have pointed out this was probably a stupid choice that only furthered a depressing mindset that life is pain and disappointment and not also joy and hope, he could have said ‘but what about me? what about what i need, because i love you so much it’s literally painful to watch me lose you and my heart was in my throat when i offered to be your family, it will break just a little to see you go’.

he doesn’t do any of that. he tells jim to be careful and packs them off with his love and his blessing along with a cute little hat slap. his heart is still breaking just that little bit, the whole time he does this generous and wonderful thing, but this is what jim needs to do.

and oluwande loves jim: he knows love doesn’t mean ownership, and it doesn't mean control.

it means when their needs conflict with your own, you allow your heart to stay in your throat and let them know you’ll be waiting on their return instead of telling them not to go.

#these two make me wanna cry #also the way this show is both silly and heightened and very emotionally real kills me #i've been with my partner nearly thirteen years now #and the way they approach how to make a healthy relationship work is so perfect #our flag means death #my ofmd meta

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imsiriuslyreading · 4 months

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hello i wasn’t quite sure where to send this so i’ll put it here for the moment. i just wanted to say that i found myself a quiet afternoon to binge ‘i have no milk’ and i am finding it so so lovely. you’ve both made wonderful companions today, and making lots of ppl give me strange looks as i laugh at seemingly nothing :))

also perhaps on a strange note but i’m a bit younger than you guys and i’m finding the style of conversation and topics, etc, all rather comforting(?). it gives the same vibe as that ‘because the world didn’t end when i was 15’ trend, is the best way i can phrase it. listening to you discuss your lives and the expectations you had for them and then them being Not Those Expectations but here you are making a podcast, reading your fics and making new friends etc etc. it all kind of feels like you’re patting me on my little anxious head and going ‘the world isn’t ending it’s just changing’.

anyway i haven’t a clue if that actually made any sense but i’m enjoying the podcast immensely and hoping you’re both well and looking forward to more to come !!

hello lovely thing,

this was the most beautiful message to wake up to, oh my goodness.

firstly, thanks ever so much for listening. Montana and I are very honoured to have been your friends alongside your sunday afternoon <3 no better way to spend a day, if you ask me.

we both adored your message, particularly the part about 'the world didn't end at 15', alongside the 'world isn't ending, it's just changing.' because I think you're onto something a bit special there.

something i've noticed is that, yes, as you said, the world didn't end at 15. it didn't end at 17, 19, 24, 27 etc for me either, although sometimes it sort of felt like it had. but it did change, and so did i, as we all do, but some things stay the same i reckon.

the main one being is the need and want for connections and friends throughout your life. everyone has it, i think, whether or not its something they speak about freely. our whole lives, the Big Expectations of What Your Life Should Look Like is drilled into us so thoroughly, and in actuality, the older I get, the less i find all that matters. I've done some cool things over the last few years in my career. I've had the whole long-term relationship on the right track to marriage and the big house, blah blah blah. but none of that matters, really.

my career is boring as sin and I'm always looking for the things that set my soul on fire. that relationship burned into nothingness and, frankly, i couldn't be happier about it.

the bits that stick, though, are the friends you make. we go through such periods of loneliness where it feels like we'll never find our people. but we do find them. often in the most unexpected places (harry potter fanfiction I'm looking you dead in the eye right now). and let me tell you, I'm pretty sure I've found my soulmates here, if that's not too cheesy. I've felt more highs and lows in fiction and friends in the past year or so than I have probably my whole life. and when I was a teenager or in my early 20s, I'd look at people my age now and think 'god you're like, a real grown up.' but fuck if they exist, really. we're all just toddling along, doing our best and seeing what sticks.

and honestly, the best bit about getting to grow older is that you discover so much more of yourself, and get the chance to craft who you are into someone you're proud of.

so, i guess, what i'm trying to say is that I'm absolutely thrilled to hear our conversations felt like a little reassuring pat on the head. because whatever life ends up looking like, as long as you love it, or big parts of it at least, i think that's what matters.

and thank you, because your message felt a bit like a pat on the head, too. and it meant so much more to me (and Montana!) than you know.

I'm excited for you to decide whats next in your story.

have the most beautiful day and thank you ever so much once again for sending this <3

#lanas crying again #harry potter fanfic #wolfstar are responsible for this #sorry for rambling on #ive just read an exceptionally emotional fic and I'm in the feels

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darlingpwease · 11 months

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I haven't? :(( (Yes yes!! And give him many many kisses and shower him in love <<3333)

It's the new Yuuta work I'm writing, that's why it's taking so long. I'm writing a few of the worlds so it's looking like it's gonna be a long fic.... LMAO TRUEE, it's always the systems!!! Face slapping system, hero system, second lead system, canon-fodder system, mob system, villain system, caretaker system, etc etc... Sometimes the MC being the system! I'm still a sucker for them </33 My weakness <//333 Oh? Very interested?? It sounds absolutely amazing??? omgomg????

A calf on a leash?? I've never heard that one before,,, it sounds like a green flag to me though.... hey Dove haha what the fuck ahaha <333 that scenario was so specific?? What have you been reading lately?? Hm?? /ht /hj NOO I don't mean to nullify it I promise

Oooo!! They're nice too,,, there are just so many character I wanna hug tho tbh

If he were to cling to me I'd spoil him as much as I possibly could <333 I'd love him and kiss him and bite him and hold him and coddle him and praise him and treat him like he's the most precious little thing in the whole world <<3333 HAHA ME TOO they're my kryptonite, I love 'em so much, they're so lovable,, I never want to let them go <//33

>:□ I think I'm good and sweet already. Maybe a little tangy or spicy, maybe even bitter,, but still nice nonetheless... /hj?

-panna cotta

Xie Lian loves you, that's a given. He always pays attention to your needs, your likes, dislikes, your passions, your desires, you– He's noticed the way you've been acting the past few lives, and it scares him.

He has done all of this for you to stay.

He loves you.

You've said that there's nothing wrong with him, that you love him, that you'll never leave him– But with you acting different, he still can't help but be unnerved.

You would always treat him like a flower, so delicately, as if he could break at the smallest thing despite him being a God, so when you get a bit rough, when you bite him harder, mark him deeper and darker, when you bind him, marking him up more than you ever have before, he doesn't really know how to act, but by the heavens is he happy.

He listens so well, and when you see him laying there pliantly just for you, trusting you even though his muscles are slightly tensed from not knowing what will happen next, you feel a huge rush of bliss. Excitement. Superiority. Superiority over yourself, but superiority nonetheless.

You finally beat yourself. And it feels glorious.

Xie Lian will remember this. He will never be able to forget this, because this is the first time you're doing it, and you will always have that benefit. Not you from then, and not you in the future. You, right now, have finally something new to give him, and you can't help but revel in that fact.

The way his breath hitches over the smallest movement, the way he whimpers softly, you feel like you have all the power one could have and more.

The way Xie Lian leans into you when you kiss and caress his skin, it drives you insane. He's nervous, but he trusts you. He adores you. He doesn't know what's going on, but he can't help but be happy when he thinks about what kind of joy you must be feeling because of that. You still treat him as if he is the rarest thing in the world, the most precious thing,, when you press soft kisses against him, asking if he's okay, petting his hair and telling him how good he is, how perfect he is–,,, but he can't deny that the roughness is wonderful change too.

And when he calls out your name, not the one the people of this life gave you, but your true, real name,, you can't help but slip and drown in the addictiveness of your Xie Lian.

I can't help but think of Xie Lian and Hua Cheng both being cute puppies that will follow you around, always willing to do whatever you want as long as it makes you happy, being the most loyal and the most devoted to only you,,, man I could just go on and on lmao Hua Cheng would definitely tease as much as he can when you're still a will-o'-wisp, he adores you, you would always be there to protect him when you could, but now he's finally doing that for you, "Oh, how the roles have switched!"

no🧐 you're too suspicious, I don't trust my cute pies to someone like you🫤🫤🫤 /t /j (yes!!! tell him how cute he is and how much you love him; after all, even if you're not quite sure if he's a weasel or a rabbit, you still can't help but adore and shower him with everything you can, even knowing how powerful and strong he is<///3)

I'm looking forward to it then!!! >:33333 I also have a draft, but only about the quick transmigrator Yuuta, who is constantly looking for his lover in every world, not knowing that the one he is looking for is the physical embodiment of his system, so you are always in his world</3 I love them too, it's just a light joke on the spite of the day, dear~

listen, but you, the owner of the system, whose duty it is to check the operability and proper operation of the plot without external influence, so that then other players and their systems can take advantage of this world, because due to plot inconsistencies and holes, the world can try to explain everything itself, sometimes making white lotuses lying creatures, and giving villains high missions and creating white sheep out of them, which, of course, should not be allowed. you just have to live the world and follow the plot, correcting it and letting your system record the shortcomings and what was done to make the plot right again, sometimes even directly arranging in creating chains of motivations and goals just to prevent the world from trying to break the plot itself. in fact, you have almost the least restrictions of all existing system owners - neither in characters, nor in attempts to fix the world, unless you count the fact that after leaving the world you officially confirm that the world is fixed and exists as it should.

and although the world of cultivation is most subject to a huge number of holes and inconsistencies, like fantasy, you still loved to visit them, and a popular novel was rather your way to "relax", enjoying the moment until everything becomes intense. of course, you didn't choose the smallest role to be at the top of the hierarchy and relax at the same time, and even when the world started trying to accommodate you with the original characters, considering you an important character too, you didn't resist. and even when you were in an ambiguous relationship with the main characters, finally allowing yourself to experience almost guilty pleasure from your deaths (which do not affect your essence at all and are painless due to the influence of the system) and the easy torment of characters who had ambiguous feelings for you, you were actually sure that it would not affect on the feelings of the characters themselves — and so it was, they reached the right end, even if you had to get in here and there, sometimes deliberately leaving the plot to find holes and returning to fix, finding minor mistakes here and there, sometimes more because of how few players were still in the world, and the world just doesn't understand how respond to interference. in fact, although the characters don't look at you the way they should, it's not a problem — as soon as you disappear, this tenderness will disappear, so you know what you're doing, even when you're silent on their confession or gently hugging, as if drawing a line, indulging your desire to finally be loved.

at least until you get complaints that the characters don't behave that way — and none of the systems can handle it, no matter what type it is; even a "beta reader" can't fix a plot that doesn't match the original from the very beginning, even more than it even has to match in the young a world that doesn't know how to handle "guests" yet. of course, you are immediately forced to go back to this world, starting from the very beginning, to check whether these words are justified and honest, and why the world has gone crazy — in the end, it may be intruders who are trying to break the world to destroy it, and you, as an inspector, must make sure that everything is fine and then decide what to do with the world.

just to understand that your system is functionally suppressed and just as confused as you are, before explaining that this is only possible in one case — if the main rules of the world, "Heaven", forbid such a thing, while your system only helps, not controls, and should obey these rules. of course, you are amazed, there were no words about the limitation of the system in any of the reviews (only about "characters behave strangely", "they talk about a name that is unfamiliar", "the plot is not right at all!"), otherwise you would have taken additional measures, and if at your death you would have been treated in the game space, then everything would be fine, but your death is not a reason to leave, only the end of fixing the world.

only to understand that all these reviews were absolutely true — the characters are definitely not behaving the way they should have,

especially main characters.

are you not??? let me guess, you don't even understand what that means, hwhwhwhwhw "green flag"😨😨😨 /t Specific? Dear, this is the plot of any Manhua or white lotus story🤨 then I'm very interested in what kind of work you read, since you don't regularly see this template there, because for me it has already become so native, like my child :/// "what the fuck" bad white lotus cotta, white lotuses never swear!!! 3:<<< /t /hj of course, dear, but forgetting about it also counts as nullify, and we both know what that means<///3 /t /j

attention, here is a panna cotta who did not reach the 'dark water' arc ajhshshs /t /j /nsrs yes so true😔 wanna mwah all of them😔😔😔

yes!!! fandom often considers him just a baby, but he has experienced so many dark and traumatic things and has grown so much and overgrown with traumatic experience and insecurities and continues to try to stay positive and have a strong moral,,,, I want to see him break down and cling to you because you are the only thing that continues to give him hope in the world and what keeps his mental and emotional stability, and he gives you everything he has, because he can't afford to lose you anymore :((( he looks so cute and innocent, especially considering his altruistic and gentle nature, as if he really is some kind of forest fairy or a helping spirit; this provokes even more to get under his skin and poke at painful spots until you see how deeply and abnormally obsessive and dependent he is on you<////3333 my poor little woof woof,,,, yes!!! I always want to kiss and caress them until they start feeling loved again and will not be happy and will not cry if they are emotional <33333 xie lian is just as unique as yuuta, only if yuuta wanted to corrupt, then xie lian causes a desire to corrupt him and make him even more painful until his real attitude towards you appears in the form of a burning black lump of emotions, feelings and desires,,,, hua cheng, on the other hand, only makes me want to rock him in my arms, I don't want to hurt him shsghdgshd

🤨 dear, if everyone in the world were as sweet and nice as you, kindness would be absent in our world in principle🤨🤨 meanie /t /hj

When you are rude to him for the first time in all your lives, to the point that his legs can't help but tremble, feeling your hot lips slide over his cool skin, leaving bites and kisses, tightly wrapping around his waist, almost breaking it from the strength of hugs if you could, but Xie Lian only purrs, stroking you, encouraging you rather than trying to calm you down, allowing you to pinch and bite, feeling that your emotions become a tight ball that curls inside your body, spreading through your veins like poison, finding release only in the way his body shudders or how he breathes or moans when you find even more skin, you press even closer, bite even harder — when you try to find even more evidence that his body does not belong to "you", but to you, to you, personally to you, personally to you.

When you demand that he looks at you while touch his body, still sensitive to your touch and loving them; looking at you with darkened eyes, and you can't figure out whether it's a blush or the light from the fire on his face when your fingers slide to his stomach, drawing lines and words, which have meaning only for the two of you, like your secret symbols that belong only to you two, memories that only you of the living share. The signs by which only you can recognize each other, outlined on his soft skin, but almost leaving hot brands from which he breathes heavily, are still the same desperate mess for you that hundreds of years ago, that now — as if he is frozen in time, not even moving until you enter, entering into a chemical reaction that only has both of you, able to exist only with each other, no more than the moon and sun that you once had to become, the moon and sun of the Xianle kingdom, when you intertwine your fingers with his, letting his loose hair lie on the floor like tangled threads while his thin long fingers squeeze the fabric of your clothes, hearing there are only quiet moans and sighs around the house, as if everything around you has fallen silent, immersing you only in the sounds and rustle of each other's clothes, a quiet sweet moan when his legs tremble with excitement — just so that you catch it, kissing his hot face, even when your sticky, wet fingers slide over, leaving an imprint on his wet skin, continuing to caress, take, squeezing, touching, stroking, pinching, — and feeling how he greedily kisses your lips, as if giving up everything he has it was, pressing so tightly that it becomes difficult for you to breathe, as if he is trying to eat you, clinging in blind despair and need.

Xie Lian's eyes are dark, shining with delight and adoration, as if overflowing with feelings and sensations, and he is so hot and moist, even if he looks like a smooth white jade, — and his body is so pliable, even if unable to cope when your fingers continue to slide, caressing, touching, groping, making him gasp from the sensations, trembling, awkwardly wrapping his legs around your hips, blindly kissing your neck and face while holding your hand with his hand, refusing to let go, as if this is the only thing that leaves him on earth, not letting you give in to the impulse and be completely absorbed, even if your caresses become more and more passionate, hungry, needy,

just like you.

When he whispers your name, which no one knows anymore, making you tremble with pleasure, still knowing that he remembers it, that it is you now before his eyes, the real you, and Xie Lian loves you like no one else, just like you do him, asking him to tell you again how your name is called; quietly whining your name when your skin touches each other, catching your breath, shared by two, as if you are under the water column, where there is only you and nothing else, enveloped from all sides and locked with each other, forever locked with each other, and you gently, affectionately, as before, whisper his name, adding 'His Royal Highness' when his body warms up again, digging fingers into your skin, breathing hard, whining, searching your lips with his lips, as if trying to find air,

just like he was looking for your gaze before, bringing peaches and other fruits with him to be with you.

Somewhere there, underground, your ancient kingdom sleeps, keeping its secrets in pristine silence, which no one remembers now.

You loved each other, that's why you were saved.

And you don't think it's an accident.

ahhh!!!! yes!!! gosh, we're really on the same wavelength, aren't we? they would be your most devoted and loving followers, ready to do anything for you and your happiness, and the fact that their adoration is ancient and unchangeable, unconditional, makes everything even better and worse at the same time, as if you are both in heaven and in a demonic reality, experiencing all the intensity that they can give and that they stored until you were able to accept it<3333 I mean??? is someone stopping you??? I don't see anyone for some reason???🤨🤨🤨 /ht /pos /gen

imagine that you were the former spouse of the crown prince, who was supposed to become your husband — so that he would then ascend, and you could live as the future monarch in his absence, simply observing celibacy, but then he returns against the rules of heaven and you are broadcast for being the spouse of a demon-god, only to have a child whom you once caught because, like a vulture, you watched the festival go well while your spouse was performing, and then you meet this child after you found out that he was born under the star of misfortune and tried to give him comfort, and then you meet him so often in all places where you can, to the point that you can't help but be gentle and affectionate to him, trying to protect him until your Prince begins to need your support and you don't have time for the child anymore — and now this 'child' takes care of you and teases you when you are fully awake from the exhausting hatred, pain and anger, having previously managed to burn people who harmed your Xie Lian. only now he has become much taller, with a blindfold over one eye, too powerful than he should be (why is he a great demon, while you still don't even have enough energy to transform into a human body? isn't he having too much luck??) and you don't even know where your lover is??? at least this kid promises to take care of him and take care of you, and you don't really have much choice in following him until you find your Xie Lian — sort of...

#[📂] — voice from under the bed #❖.my jewelry #✮.panna cotta <3 #🥮 — heaven official's blessing #✉.xie lian #✉.hua cheng #.spicy♡#dom reader #gender neutral reader

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