#like. i know what I want to explore but idk HOW do get there if you know

[wtfwhy]

I was thinking how everyone always does, "Paul is Richie's Uncle" why doesn't anybody ever do "Emma is Ruth's aunt" but then milliseconds later I remember that, unlike Paul, Emma actually has an established family and that would imply that either she had another sibling or Tom and Jane had another child (ie Ruth) so now I want to present 3 AUs, (if anyone's already done these I just haven't seen it sorry):

1) Ruth is Tim's older sister (i dont think this would work timeline wise for Tom/Jane's age but idgaf, maybe it was a teen pregnancy, which could add a layer or drama for Jane's while 'perfect sister' thing)

2) Emma and Jane had another sibling who was never mentioned because...insert drama here (if we want a preexisting character, I like the idea of Linda*. Maybe shes their half sibling that they dont talk to because of how elitist Linda and her father are (so like maybe her father had an affair with Emma/Jane's mom but wanted it to be a secret for reputation purposes) but then this would also mean Ruth is Linda's daughter and all of the implications of that can be explored)

3) Ruth can be like Emma's cousin or something, idk

(*either I saw a fic with this or fever dreamed it i dont remember, but I like the au of it actually being Paul and Linda being estranged half siblings. We essentially know nothing about Paul's family so maybe he never mentions them because he's not on speaking terms with them because his dad (in this case Linda's dad) considers him a bastard child or something. But what I really like about his au is the idea of Linda and Paul being half siblings and how they would interact with each other. Maybe Linda shuns him like her father or maybe they actually get along and she has a soft spot for him idk. This could also apply with Linda being Emma/Jane's sister) (idk how this post became about Linda Monroe but ok)

#starkid #hatchetfield #hatchetfield universe #hatchetfield au #ruth fleming #nerdy prudes must die #npmd #emma perkins #jane perkins #tgwdlm #the guy who didn't like musicals #paul matthews #paul tgwdlm #black friday #black friday starkid #tim houston #tom houston #jane houston #linda monroe #roman murray #richie lipschitz #jon matteson #lauren lopez #team starkid #gerald monroe #nightmare time #starkid nightmare time

[seredelgi]

So what about the way they kiss you? / AOT x fem!reader.

featuring: Eren Yaeger, Armin Arlert, Jean Kirstein, Connie Springer, Reiner Braun, Erwin Smith, Levi Ackerman.

tw: kissing, groping, pet names, lip-biting, idk, honestly I think apart from the pet name in Armin's, this might be pretty gender-neutral but idk

Eren is gentle, his hands have a firm hold on your hips as you sit in his lap. Of course, all it takes is the slightest brush of one of them up your back to send shivers up your spine, and when you moan shamelessly on his lips, that's when he turns greedy and dips his fingers in your flesh, pulling you in to feel your warmth and adding his tongue into the mix. You can rest assured, he's not letting you go that easily after what you've left yourself slip.

Armin is a moaner. He can't help it, he likes the softness of your skin way too much not to be vocal about it. And he likes to explore it, too. Gentle caresses of affection stroking up and down your arms and along your neck. And sometimes, when you two are alone, he'll even utter quiet little praises on it. You're his princess, after all.

Jean loves to hold you by the nape of the neck. You're not sure why honestly, it's not like you would run away from it, quite the contrary. You melt immediately against him, driven docile by the scent of his cologne. You put your hands on his chest, feeling the quickening of his heartbeats as he pulls you in and drives a hand of his to rest on the small of your back.

Connie's kisses are sloppy and quite needy. It's like sex is already on his mind the moment he can breathe in your scent, and it shows. His hands are restlessly roaming through your skin, looking for every single part of yours he just loves to squeeze and taste. And you can bet he won't stop at kissing your lips, nu-uh. Once the man gets a taste of them he has to go for at least the neck, too, it's mandatory. It is safe to say that kissing in public has been officially banned by you, much to his disapproval. But the man seriously lacks any self-control.

Reiner takes his time. He's a tease. Even during foreplay, he likes to soft kiss and slowly trace patterns on your already impatient skin. He loves the way you grip his hair tightly and mewl in his ear, pleading for him to give you more. But of course, he won't give in easily. And you've got to resort to kissing his neck and sucking on his earlobe to make your needs clearer. It's when his breaths finally cut short too that you know you'll get what you need.

Erwin is a hard one to crack. He usually gives very chaste, affectionate kisses. It drives you wild how difficult it is to make him squirm. So you have to be the one to cross the line, and you usually do by slipping your tongue past his lips as he holds you close, having to slide your fingers in the strands of his blond hair to elicit in him those soft groans you love so much. Once you start to grind in his lap and keen in his mouth he pulls you back, needing to see the arousal on your face before finally giving in, covering your neck with passionate kisses.

Levi does not like PDA, but the moment you two are alone he pulls you in greedily, too deprived of it. It's breathtaking and it makes you kind of dizzy. But to be honest, you don't feel like complaining, not when what you've wanted to do all day is finally being bestowed on you, and with such passion to make you tremble. He bites on your lips, and hard, making you arch into him and whimper, giving his tongue the needed access to finally be able to savor you.

Do they get jealous?

And what pet names do they use the most?

#aot x reader #aot x y/n #levi x reader #eren x reader #jean x reader #reiner x reader #armin x reader #connie x reader #erwin x reader #snk x reader #kisses #kissing #shingeki no kyojin #shingeki no kyogin x reader #attack on titan x reader #attack on titan #levi ackerman x reader #eren jaeger x reader #eren yaeger x reader #connie springer x reader #jean kirstein x reader #reiner braun x reader #erwin smith x reader #armin arlert x reader #aot #snk #fanfiction #smut #imagine #x reader

[blindbeta]

idk how much you know about lord of the rings but i was planning a fic where pippin was born blind and gandalf is going blind (from old age ostensibly; i was considering something like severe cataracts or glaucoma for an unofficial diagnosis) and they bond etc. the problem i ran into was that there's a bit where pippin looks into a palantir and sees some of sauron's plans. i wanted to check a) if it was too much of the blind seer trope and b) how much pippin would actually be able to tell what was going on. like if he's never seen a tree would he know that that's a tree?? anyway sorry for the weirdly long and detailed ask; i've been reading a lot of your blog and it's been super useful and interesting!! hope you're having a good day <33

I’m loving the multiple ways of portraying blindness, the spectrum of blindness, different causes of blindness via unofficial diagnosis, and the characters having a blind community. Maybe there are other blind characters around the shire who are mentioned.

As for the blind seer trope, you have the right idea in considering how to avoid it or make it better. You questioned how Pippin would know what a tree looks like if he has never seen one. My response to this is to question why he can see in the vision of the future at all. Also, while a tree might be more easily identifiable due to recognizable features, such as height, the inability to interpret visual stimuli has less to do with visual recognition and more to do with the way our brains process information. His brain would not have the ability to process what he is seeing at all, similar to a CVI. He might be confused, overstimulated, or experience eye or head pain. Instead of being able to discern what is happening in the vision, his brain probably wouldn’t be able to comprehend it at all.

Onto my main concerns with the blind seer trope as they apply here. One is that the character is often totally blind and sees through visions. This can be portrayed either as constant visions of the future allowing them to see or only being to see in visions even if they cannot otherwise. For example, a blind seer not needing a cane because they know where all the curbs, uneven ground, and stairs are.

What you are describing doesn’t sound like as big of a problem and only seems to occur once. This certainly helps. However, instead of being able to see only in the context of the future vision, could he instead use his other senses as he normally would?

If the goal is to have him see Sauron’s plans, you can still have him get a glimpse of the future, getting the same information through sound, or, depending on what you want the palantir afford him, smell or tactile sensations.

Alternatively, if Pippin was born blind, I’m wondering if he can have some remaining vision? After all, most blind people have some residual vision even if they were born blind, as you can read about in this first, second, and third post I made on the topic. Here is a page on the CNIB website which explains examples of blindness, ways it manifests, and information about legal or registered blindness. Here is another page on the RNIB website which states about 93% of blind people can see something. Depending on the source, anywhere from 10% to 15% of people are totally blind. This leaves about 85% to 90% of blind people with residual vision.

If you want examples of different types of residual vision, you can explore this helpful list of YouTube channels created by @accessibleaesthetics

My final concern with blind prophet / blind seer trope is one I mentioned in more detail in this post which is also about the blind prophet trope. In this trope, the blind character usually has this power constantly and is the only one able to use it. That doesn’t sound like the case in your story, as character looks into something that gives him a vision rather than seeing visions of the future as a power. It also helps that he isn’t the only blind character.

#blind #blind characters #writing blind characters #blind prophet trope #ask #lord of the rings

[tangerinecherrygal]

Thoughts on Bridgerton S3 so far.

Under the cut for the sake of my poor moots and for spoilers. And first and foremost, I am a hater, so I will have some complaints but most are positive.

Positives:

Developing Cressida’s character. I’ve wanted this since I started watching with season 2. I love that she isn’t a cardboard cutout mean girl bc she gets shat on (deservedly sometimes) a lot by the main characters. Also I’m not sure which way they want to go with her character but I don’t think she needs any kind of redemption, maybe just a softening of her character.

Disabled visibility. It’s very clunky, but it is a step in the right direction.Period pieces tend to be worse than other types of shows and movies at erasing disabled people. It’s easy to forget that disabled people did exist and were apart of society. I can’t speak much to how they were treated, but this is bridgerton so it is very possible to portray them in ways that are realistic to the more modern experience of, say, being in a wheelchair.

Portia Featherington. Send tweet.

Benedict being a fun little guy.

Sibling dynamics of the bridgertons are really sweet to see and always make me smile.

Penelope serving cunt, intellect and agency.

Thr Mondrich family being on screen more. I’d love a side show on them like Queen Charlotte. Their relationship is so sweet and I am observing 👀 with upmost respect.

I do like Colin’s new look buuut… we will come back to this.

Francesca’s new actress is so talented. The shy girl rep that I need. She looks a lot like Phoebe and fits in perfectly.

The other stuff (and how i would change it)

Penelope’s makeover seemed rushed. I think her transformation should’ve been gradual as she gains confidence. Almost like Kate’s last season. She starts to reflect her confidence e gains throughout the season and i’m thinking that a fanfic may be brewing oh no.

Colin’s makeover is needed bc they had to downplay the actors beauty in earlier seasons. But I don’t see him as a devilishly handsome rake all of a sudden. Luke Newton has a kind and approachable (kind of baby) face and I think that they should play on that. A pretty kind of handsome instead of trying to immitate the more masculine look that they used for anthony. I know it’s because he is putting on a performance but I think they could have gona another way. His look in season 2 is great in my opinion, maybe if his clothing was more relaxed but he kept the same hair then it would be perfect.

They’re trying to convince us that he’s suave and smooth with the ladies but it’s not consistent with his character

The threesome scenes? Not a hundred percent sure who that was for. Sapphics let me know if you appreciated those scenes because I know they weren’t doing that for their famously large straight male audience. I also saw someone say it reduces the sex workers to props but in context that kind of works into the story so idk.

Colin went from being lost at the end of last season to gaining a sense of identity that isn’t implied to be an act.

Lots of side stories make it seem messy and wastes time that can go into understanding Francesca, Penelope, and Colin. Instead of focusing on stories like Lady Bridgerton’s romantic story they really should make a QS 2 where they can explore the older cast of characters.

Paaaaacinnng. Everything is happening so fast and the side stories mean that Polin doesn’t even make much sense to me. I don’t feel any chemistry. I’m not going to count how long they’ve been on screen together this season, but it’s not enough for me to believe that Colin finally sees Pen in a romantic way. The helping Pen find a husband quest lasted for a second and immediately he realises his feelings. I just don’t buy it. I almost want to cut away to horny ass Kanthony to see actual chemistry.

if anybody reads this and has their own takes pls comment. I love talking about the show and hearing what other people thought.

#if you see a spelling or grammatical error no you didnt #I’m happy with it so far #a bit disappointed #but we still have four episodes to go #so i’m optimistic #bridgerton #polin #will mondrich #penelope featherington #bridgerton season 3 #bridgerton spoilers #alice mondrich #lady bridgerton #francesca bridgerton #bridgerton s3

[pettyprocrastination]

Giant Austrian man claims to be in perfect mental health while also having raging hate boner for his therapist, more at 10. 

#tj talks #könig x reader #im gonna be honest squad im not sure where I want to take this fic #like. i know what I want to explore but idk HOW do get there if you know #however if yall want to talk about this more i will happily word vomit cause that's less comittal than beating myself up in the docs lmao

[charmac]

PLEASEE POST A NEW CHAPTER OF THE SUGAR DADDY FIC I AM ON MY HANDS AND KNEES 😭😭😭😭😭

Updating All These Nights tonight and then Sugar is next to be updated, promise promise.

#ask #sugar daddy fic #i have been in a writing rut that is known #so i needed to work out some more canon stuff to get the voices back yk? hence updating the other fic first #but also i still feel like the last chapter fell off hard cos i got like no comments #which i know is like 'who cares' but i think i majority switched the style (like for myself) last chapter and i really like it but #if people didnt respond to it #im a little stumped on where to go #(again not in the story but style-wise) #people do not respond to long chapters? people dont respond to the dennis chapters? too much time wasted on sex? idk im #yeah like just a little lost on what people enjoy in the story and what i should gut/cut down on i guess #cos last chapter is hands down my favourite ive written #content wise its close to 6.. #but style-wise i know its so fucking long but i thought it flowed really well and god i love exploring dennis' weird relationship with sex #but to me like only 4 people finished that chapter #to clarify. in my head there are literally only max 10 people who read this thing #and 2 of them are my random friends who arent in this fandom and just want to read what im writing #and neither of them bothered with a 27k chapter.. lol #so im stumped trying to pace the writing and rework how i thought it would go #cos i dont know what people enjoy in the fic!!! and seemingly did not respond to in what i thought was the best chapter so far.. lmfao #sorry you caught me on 30hrs awake and way too much coffee

[jessamine-rose]

/obey me! vent/

#jessamine rambles #before i start. pls keep in mind that this is fully subjective and could just be a 'me' problem. i just want to get this off my chest #ngl i've been contemplating on whether i want to stop playing obey me. both the og game and nightbringer #idk i've been playing the game since its first month and while it's given me a lot of joy + memories + chances to befriend other ppl. i'm #pretty burned out. not to mention TIRED of my consistent disappointment with the game #the main story.....where do i start?? i actually enjoyed s1-s3 despite my qualms with the fillers and pacing but s4 disappointed me. i was #rlly looking forward to simeon's storyline and the new characters but ultimately. the devs tried to squeeze too many things into one season #not to mention that there is a notable difference in how the characters are written. i.e. beel's hunger and asmo's beauty #being watered down to running gags instead of the complexities explored in the old dg stories and chara songs #gameplay-wise. i was there when the devs raised the rewards price of the event urs and removed the demon ssrs completely #but nightbringer was the last straw for me. the amount of time it takes to grind for two games. knowing that the og app has essentially bee #abandoned by the devs?? not to mention that while the plot is interesting. i haven't touched the main story ever since the coma arc #i will give credit to the devs for improving the event stories by choosing to focus on 1-2 demons. but it has always felt like a quantity > #quality situation. esp if i were to compare it to my other fandoms #it also doesn't help that i'm currently at a point of my life where i'm questioning if i could use my time on obm for better things #seeing how the game is giving me less reasons to believe it is worth my time #idk this may also be a short-term phase since i DID get back into twst after a long hiatus and i recently got into whb #which btw has felt like a breath of fresh air despite my frustrations with the bugs and current gacha #but yeahhhh........as much as i love the obm characters and fanfics. i'm just tired #at this point i feel like the only reason why i still play the game is due to the nostalgia and so i don't waste the years of grinding #aaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh #this is what i get for being the type of player who only plays a few games so they can rlly dedicate their time and passion to it #that's all

[orcelito]

So I've had no time to write today bc work etc etc but I've been thinking about it like All day and

I have chapter 17 all plotted out, and tbh could potentially write it in a matter of days, brain willing. It's finally back to Not action, which as fun as action is to write its also fucking Hard. So it'll be nice not having to agonize over the sound of a fucking chain (Twice) etc etc. Add in the fact that it's gonna be angsty as hell (angst is always the Easiest for me to write) & I rly think I could knock this one out quickly.

And the Great news is that. Examining the timeline and what I have planned...

Wolfwood is definitely arriving in chapter 18. And not at the end like I'd suspected. No, he's probably gonna be there towards the Start.

I've gotten through the two most difficult arcs to write for early ITNL, so the ball is really rolling now. We are Finally getting places...

#speculation nation #itnl shit #the sandsteamer and the legato & monev things were Important #and i wanted to capture them in ways that was exciting to read #and displayed the sorts of things vash is doing to Make Things Better (with varying levels of success) #plus the experience of his friendship with the girls growing... these arcs have been ESSENTIAL for the progression of their relationships #so yes early manga stuff isnt really applicable for the vw but this isnt ONLY a vw fic #it's an examination of ALL of vash's important relationships. like with the girls. and with his brother. #thats why i got the platonic tags too. They Matter. #so i dont regret how much time and effort ive spent on all this stuff #... that being said tho. im REALLY looking forward to when he finally comes in. #i wont really know what to do with myself i dont think. #itnl has been such an exploration of grief and longing. and then itll actually get to the NEW romance??? #big if true. and it's Gonna be true soon... #so yea idk. im excited. im a little nervous too. just gonna try my best to make sure it keeps being good. #readers r so very nice. and i wanna give y'all what ur Really looking forward to... #soon. Soon.

[aerithisms]

i think maybe i need to replay rebirth some time to look at this diplomatically because aerith is My Favourite and i might be biased but i think my biggest story critique of rebirth is that i wish they'd done a little more with her. given that this is the game she dies in i found it strange that they didn't push her into the foreground a little more since this is their last real chance to do that with her as a living member of the party (i'm sure she'll show up in some limited capacity in part 3 but dead lifestream!aerith is pretty different to alive!aerith i think).

i know that sounds like a weird thing to say when you consider stuff like them giving her the game's theme song to sing during loveless and the fact that the last chapter is basically The Aerith Movie but there is a strange lack of focus on her in moments where it feels like we should get more from her throughout the narrative. this game pushes tifa and cloud's relationship more in the mandatory story segments, and i LOVED what they did with that relationship in this game, but it felt odd that the same focus was not given to cloud's relationship with aerith throughout the story given that the ending hinges on him being so devastated by her death that he enters a delusional state of grief. and this isn't even a shipping thing bc as far as shipping goes i'm an aerti truther and i feel pretty equally neutral about both cloti and clerith as romances (if anything i prefer cloti!). it's about giving proper narrative buildup to the relationship that the game's tragic ending hinges on - a lot of aerith's most interesting scenes with cloud in the bulk of the game are optional, which i think is a weird thing to do given what the game is building to.

i also wish they did more with her being a cetra! again, the last couple chapters put focus on this but prior to that aerith is weirdly quiet about it. particularly in cosmo canyon, while we do get the lovely bonfire scene, aerith otherwise has a weird lack of dialogue when it comes to the lore dump scenes with the gi and bugenhagen. i expected her to feel some type of way about these revelations but any indication of that is at best subtext and she doesn't really say a lot about it. and for all that they emphasise aerith and nanaki's connection early on as beings closer to the planet, once you get to cosmo canyon there's a weird lack of payoff for it. same with tifa's dunk in the lifestream - i kinda thought aerith might have something to say about it as a cetra, and in fairness i think it's possible she did and the game is withholding some of aerith and tifa's offscreen interactions for part 3 (i swear this isn't even just an aerti cope lol i think the fact that they deliberately show them talking without us getting to hear it might be something they come back to), but i also wish we got to connect with this part of aerith's character more NOW, while she's still here, so it can inform our understanding of her choices and feelings at the end. i just find it kind of a bummer because aerith's complicated relationship to her heritage is a fascinating aspect of her character and her tragedy that i think goes a little untapped in this game, which means it's likely to go untapped in the story as a whole since she's. you know. dead.

#blahs #ff7 #rebirth spoilers #idk there are obviously a lot of character writing changes i love and adore in rebirth but i think they coulda done a little more with her #they put the focus on her bond with the party and her zest for life and that was fantastic #but imo they don't explore the other layers of her as well #and i know we will get more of her in part 3 but the effect of doing it in hindsight is different to doing it while she's alive #like when they go to icicle inn and learn about her parents there'll be a lot of focus on everyone's grief and the tragedy of her life #but what i wanted more of is how aerith feels about that tragic life as a living person. how she struggles with what it means to be a cetra #how does she feel about how disconnected she is from her heritage? angry? bitter? sorrowful? ashamed? #does she even like being a cetra? or does she resent the position it's put her in in life? #the game gestures at all of those in subtext but i want it explored i want her to talk about it!!! #ah well. i suspect if we do get flashbacks to those aerti scenes they'll all be about cloud but i'll still hope for something more from tha #that's my copium #or maybe an aerith and nanaki flashback where they talk about the burden they share of being the last of a people!! #i'd love that #anyway i still love rebirth's character work very much and on the whole what they did with it is very special. i am just an aerith girlie

[pyrriax]

one day i will stop being afraid of getting hounded for writing something that is less pretty and more just. raw.

#haunted ecosystem #how do i describe what i mean by this. something about the Vibe and taking a less amicable approach to things. #also i might just start. posting shit. who cares if i spoil what technically happens later in the AU. if it gets me motivated then like. #honestly. #also i need to stop being afraid to write sequel/world continuations #i want to write more in the world i set up with asomatous because i think there's more there to explore #also forgive me being pretty bad about updates recently. life hit me with a brick and then i decided playing minecraft was important #(its escapism okay. and fic writing is escapism but also kind of reserved for when im having Emotions. because im shit at that) #i keep telling myself im going to work on prompt fills for some bingo cards i got and then being a coward about it #honestly i might post some anon fics (it'll probably be temporary as anon) and just know people will probably recognize my style #idk im a little afraid of this fandom and i wish i wasnt pvnjdk its probably because im Late to a lot of this and not a stream/VOD watcher #anyways biting this off here #that is not a phrase people use. #its 4:32am give me a break

[pagesofkenna]

I finally played Firewatch the other day and it wasn't what I expected but I still enjoyed it, and I felt a little conflicted at the end but ultimately decided I liked what it was doing even if I think it didn't do it perfectly

and then when I was looking up an answer to a plot question I had I kept finding people whining and groaning about it being a bad game, and two things

why is it that when I don't like a short indie game for specific reasons I cannot find anyone who seems to share that opinion with me, but when I do enjoy a short indie game all the gamerbro reviewers are climbing out of the weeds to explain their specific reason for not enjoying it??

one of the negative comments I saw said something to the effect that it 'did not give [them] any reason to explore around' and i just-. i dont-. i need gamer bros to understand that if they're not naturally curious, if they're not naturally driven to explore the spaces around them, maybe stop playing games that use exploration and natural curiosity as one of the main driving mechanics

#like they werent even saying that firewatch doesn't reward you enough for exploring which COULD be a statement i agree with! #i think it needed more narrative/substantial payoff for some of the exploration it invited! #but it DOES openly invite you to explore and rewards you with interesting details if you do so! #one of the best payoffs for that game was getting to the ending and going 'aHA i KNEW i heard metal chimes earlier!!' #anyway the exploration thing is also a huge driving mechanic of Outer Wilds #and Ive seen negative comments on that being like 'idk what to do theres no clear goal blahblahblah im a boring gamer' #like. look around!! explore!! thats literally how the game works!! #i know gamers love being given tasks to do but one of the great things about OW is that it DOESNT give you tasks to do #it just presents a space and a reality and you get to decide what you want to do within that space #and due to the genius of its design almost every player is going to end up with the same end goal! #which the game NEVER assigns but which you naturally gravitate to due to the results of your exploration! #anyway. exploration games. love them. cant understand the subset of gamers who hate them but i know they exist

[musical-chick-13]

Tfw you're gonna need someone to Look Over Your Writing, but the writing topic is kinda fucked up and you don't want to traumatize whoever will theoretically be looking at this.

#I mean like. UGH. okay I don't know how to Explain™ my issue without ACTUALLY explaining this. but. idk it's not. like...'dead-dove' #levels of Fucked Up™. but it's still A Lot and covers something a BUNCH of people are gonna be wary of probably #(at least according to What I Have Witnessed) so. eh?? #like it's in this weird place where it's probably not a serious enough exploration of this topic to be 'acceptable' to a certain crowd #and I don't think it would be fair to label it full-on Darkfic™ but it's still MESSY #and don't get me wrong I'm going to finish and (eventually) post it anyway because it's my idea and I want to do that but. jfc it would #help to get another pair of eyes #but I can't exactly be like 'hey would you like to evaluate my story about [incredibly fraught and potentially triggering topic]?' #like I feel like. I shouldn't just. ask that. without preamble. #ALSO this is a much different kind of 'fucked-up' than people usually write for this pair (if they write fucked-up stuff at all) #(and like...again. in the grand scheme of things. this probably isn't really actually that fucked-up. it's just. A Lot.)

[wrecking]

edit: i ended up just ranting abt like the current vibe™ in the tags... sorry abt that but like also whatever i don't care anymore

#d #my food therapist really said the most real thing on planet earth when she said i'm meeting me at the same time everyone else is #i feel like a cringey overzealous emotionally dumb teenager who's a total embarrassment to everyone around me while i'm trying 2 say fuck i #cuz like this is the first time in my entire life i feel like i get to actually explore my identity and do like normal young people things #and i feel just. so so exposed in the sense that everyone is watching me make a fool of myself without a single shred of self-awareness #and it makes me so fucking mad cuz like i'm finally happy with myself!! i'm finally starting to feel like a fully formed person #instead of a 2d projection or an object or something monstrous hiding in the shadows because that's how i've spent until now imo #and like. it's hard to emotionally make peace with the fact things in my social life are changing because like. there's some part of me #that thinks that maybe if i stayed in that miserable place that maybe i wouldn't have any of the problems i have now #and like my life is a lot better. and i know that and i wouldn't change a thing. but like emotionally i guess i'm just #processing it as a fault of mine to have changed bc it's changing my relationships to others #and this isn't about any one specific thing like i've been having lots of small growing pains with a lot of ppl in my life rn i just am lik #there's a lot happening to me rn emotionally so i feel like everything i do is a fuckup and i'm just bracing for more people to go ig #which might happen or it might not and tbh either is ok at this point. i need to do this in order to live i think #idk why i'm even rambling about this i just have a lot of thoughts and i want to share them i guess. not like it does anything but like #what else is this app for at this point lmfao i barely even want to talk on here anymore because i feel like everything i say on here is #just pointless. i'm thankful i have a strong support system rn cuz genuinely i don't know what i'd do if i didn't like #i feel like everything is so much more emotionally Big to me on E and it's kind of hard trying to figure out how to manage it #like i'm basically finally getting to be me. for worse AND for better. and i just am like. insecure on some level i guess #not even over my appearance tbh i've kinda made peace with that. moreso my personality and what things i share with others #this whole post is so wholly unnecessary but i feel like i'm going to go insane if i don't get this out of my head #i've genuinely been avoiding talking about my emotions or my private life on here because i don't exactly feel safe on here anymore #which is like great. love it when my primary outlet for like. socially interacting with people casually gets compromised i love it #i literally softblocked like 30 ppl off of here so i could talk abt my weird sex stuff and my body and my deeper thoughts with ppl i trust #and then i still am too conscious about it! this always happens when i make a blog for myself to talk on #maybe i'm just not meant for talking abt things

[73647e]

i know that no one like,, actively gives a shit about this but it's important to me for people to know so im going to speak my truth

i have like 5?? wips at the moment. two of these i am actively working on while the other three are just sort of microwaving around in my google docs/mind. i will get to them later.

i also have a life outside of this blog, obviously. because of this, i write when i can, but i do also leave some free time for myself where i can just sit, stare at a screen, and not think while watching my show

i am still crazy obsessed with dps. it's like a hyperfixation that is poking the back of my mind constantly. there is not a single day that goes by where i don't think about it. i am excited for fall to start...starting so i can rewatch the movie and get another wave of excitability about dps.

the only way that i can engage with this hyperfixation are reading fics (which there aren't too many of), and writing my own. writing my own is slow going because of the events in my life.

i just needed to say that i know im not posting nearly as often as i used to. but that's because i am working on bigger projects in my free time, amidst balancing personal stuff, not because my interest in dps is gone.

#i know that literally no one asked for this #but i feel like people need to know that my mind is still dps brainrot central #i love these characters #and that the reason im not pumping out jokes and content the way i used to is because i feel that these characters deserve #the time i want to give them to properly explore their different aspects in my writing #also i feel like my funny is waning and idk how to get it back so i just won't #who cares if my little posts with little dumb captions aren't clogging up ppls dashes anymore 😭 #they were funny #but also really annoying #and i know that #anyway #yeah!! #feel free to dm me. send me an ask. ask for my discord. anything. #literally just hmu if you do wanna chat about dps. or what im working on. or anything #dead poets #dead poets society #dps #my posts

[naggingatlas]

i looove putting spark over songs about like heroes and saving the world (tom cardy's 'level clear', uncle outrage's 'saved the world' <- nice voice hc for him!. and 'my superhero movie'.) when he like. Did. Not : ) funney.

#sprksplrs #gaia talked about spark wanting to be desired yesterday and while i think he's too much of a Lone Wolf... for those kinds of wants to #even surface. at least in my interpretation of him. its hilarious to think abt him getting. just a tad insecure abt fark's status as #a real like. superhero basically. just for a second in the far back of his head. oh i want to be as cool as him. im not good enough #tho again in my characterization he only wants to do that to be able to love himself. i first got this thought when ruminating on #oh god. what kinda games he n fark like to play respectively? and said 'if he ever does pick up hardmode or a challenge level #he will only do that to one up himself and himself only.' he only proves stuff to himself. he only cares about himself. #and the things that do the most mental damage to him are all scenarios in which his self is attacked. #in which his agency is taken his independence. losing a job to someone something that copies him and does it better than him #something that even copies a really dear object to him thats been with him throughout the years - his jester hat #an attack on individuality. and then being merged into the sim. idk. the yaoi moments when he does work together w fark become even more #potent. this way? and. it contrasts really well with how selfless (at some point in his life very literally) fark is. and how confident in #his self. he turns out to be in the end. as micah said 'how he moves with so much more fluidity in his organic body #the body he created himself because he's no longer afraid of it being fake'. citing that as the bible but yea kinda. #i think spark grew up quite ostracized maybe even self-ostracized and really needs a distinction between himself and everyone else #to be better than everyone else. there is some personality disorder shit happening under that piss yellow scalp. #and he fucking loses it when the events around him hammer in that the facade he builds for mostly again himself is. yknow. untrue. fake. #idk thoughts. i love exploring the antisocial aspect in fictional personas with how shipshipship focused fandoms and 'analysis' #in them is it's not something i see all that much. seems like only people whove experienced it ever bring up that topic. #is it so uncomfortable for others? who knows. ramble over

[joy-returns-in-the-morning]

Trying to write Captain America fanfiction and not only do I have to research 1930-40s Brooklyn, but also at this point 2014 America too because that was almost 10 years ago and I don't remember what was happening ☠️

#you know its strange in fics the references are always to contemporary 2014 stuff #but what I'D like to see is more of Captain America referencing 1940s stuff and then nobody getting his references #and he's like what come on who hasnt heard of Barney Google and his beloved horse Sparkplug #and everyone else is like ??? #idk i feel like our cultural reference points really influence how we think and see the world #a guy from the 40s will think different than a guy from 2014 #and i really want to explore that... #tho i doubt i have the capabilities to do it justice #too much to research... 😅