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desperate-gay · 2 months

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how bout a heated confession between r and kim little? i really want some kimmy fics 😔😭 my girl needs more love and attention 😔🙏🏻❤

Unexpected Confession

Kim Little x fem!reader

“You, my dear, are one of a kind!” Leah exclaims, grasping onto your shoulders as everyone cheers you on. You smile sheepishly while collecting all of the compliments with a light blush.

Arsenal had just won 4-2 against Chelsea with you scoring two goals back to back at the end of the second half. The whole team basically jumped on you when the final whistle blew, congratulating you while spewing how amazing you were the full ninety minutes.

“Our little miss innocent also showed some of her rough side with that tackle.”

“Katie, stay away from her, we can’t handle you rubbing your card reputation on our goal scorer.” Steph says, shielding you from the Irish woman by wrapping her arms around your front so her taller form blocks your view.

“Well thank you all for the many flattery remarks, but it wasn’t-”

“Y/l/n, a talk?” Kim interrupts, nodding her head toward the empty office.

The team all stand in silence, wondering why their player of the match is getting called away by the captain.

You look at her with a confused look when she announces your last name. The both of you are extremely close and friends outside of games, so when she announces your last name, you’re taken aback.

You quickly follow Kim into the room before she shuts the door with a gentle click and closes the blinds so none of the team can snoop around.

“I told Jonas to bench you for the upcoming game against Manchester.” The midfielder states with a stoic expression and her arms crossed.

“What? Why?”

“That tackle against Reiten was dangerous. Someone could have easily gotten hurt and you need to deal with the consequences.” She explains while avoiding your gaze, not being able to keep her captain facade up if she even takes a peek at your doe eyes.

“That’s so unfair! Russo made a late tackle but she’s not getting benched!” You exclaim, getting irritated at the sudden hostility directed at you.

“Your tackle was dangerous and could’ve cost you an injury. My decision is final.” Kim’s tone warns you it’s the end of the discussion, but you’re too pissed off to give her the satisfaction of an easy win.

As she goes to walk away, you quickly run in front of the door, blocking the older girl from exiting the room. Her eyebrow raises in a silent warning matching the unimpressed look on her face.

“No. You’re not just going to walk out of here without giving me a reason as to why I’m being benched.”

“I’ve already told you-“

“Don’t give me that bullshit excuse that it’s because of my tackle. Yes, it was a little late and that’s my fault but that is no reason not to let me play next week. So tell me the real reason why. Now.”

Kim now raises her eyebrows in surprise at your sudden demanding front. You’re not even sure where it came from because the way the captain is looking at you, you wish you could melt into the floor and never come back, but you simply just gulp and stand up straighter to keep strong.

“Do you really want to be talking to your captain like that?” She questions, cocking her head to the side while slowly walking closer to you, causing you to feel smaller and smaller at the girl's sharp gaze.

“I want the truth.” You say shakily, wiping your clammy hands up and down your tracksuit.

“I gave you the truth, but you can’t deal with it.”

“Why are you lying? Just tell me!” The rise in your voice shocks the other girl, you’re usually always the quiet, calm, and sweet person of the team but not when someone is continually being untruthful towards you.

“You could have gotten injured.” Kim admits halfheartedly, showing you she is still hiding something.

“I am fine. You have no right to take me off the team just because of something that could have happened. If you don’t tell me the real reason now, I am walking out of here and I don’t want you talking to me unless it is an explanation or an apology.”

After a minute or two of silence, you give up. With a scoff and a roll of your eyes, you begin to turn the door handle only to be stopped by an unexpected confession.

“It’s because I love you!”

Your body stays facing the door as you process what the Scottish woman has just said. You run through all the little dates the two of you had together, remembering how you were hoping it would be much more than just friendly, but also thinking that the girl just wasn’t into you like that.

“I should have never said that, it was quite inappropriate. You may leave now.” Kim sighs with one hand on her head and the other waving you off. Slowly, you begin to approach her pacing form.

“Kim.”

“You don’t have to stay. You’re dismissed.”

“Kimmy.”

“Seriously, go home. It was a mistake and I didn’t mean it.”

“I love you too.” You whisper, locking eyes with her when her head snaps up.

“You love me?” She asks in disbelief, making you smile at how quickly the older girl turns quiet.

You take a few steps forward so you’re now face to face with her. You hesitantly wrap your arms around her as your thumb smooths out the tension between her eyes.

“I do. And I’m hoping that your confession was real because if it isn’t, you will see a hole shaped me through that wall.” You joke, causing the both of you to giggle softly, breaking a little of the tension. The taller girl’s hands find a comfortable place on your hips while she continues to look at you with a smile.

“It was real. I have been in love with you for a while now and I wasn’t sure how to tell you. I guess being a jerk wasn’t the best way.” You laugh with a small shake of your head.

“No, it wasn’t, but you can make it up to me.” Your head tilts, looking at her with a bright smile. Once she starts to lean in, you do too, meeting her halfway just before she stops.

“May I?”

“You may.”

With the whisper of confirmation, Kim softly connects her lips to yours in a gentle kiss, showing you how much it means and what it means. Only ten seconds in, she goes to pull away, but you wrap your hands behind her neck and pull her back in.

“Too short.” You mumble against her slightly chapped lips, leaving her chuckling at your eagerness and pushing you closer to her by the small of your back.

Before things got too heated, you both decided to pull away even if you didn’t want to. Although the kiss ended, each other’s arms stayed hugging around the other, enjoying the closeness.

“Will you let me take you on a date, let’s say this Saturday night?”

“I don’t know, I’m supposed to go out with this one girl who constantly takes me out on non-romantic dates because she’s sure we’re just friends.” You sigh in fake disappointment, letting the midfielder roll her eyes at your antics.

You gasp when she slams her lips into yours in a quick but fierce kiss before pulling back with a satisfied look.

“Let me make it romantic.” Kim offers with a charming smile, wooing you fully into saying yes even if you don’t need convincing.

“I’d be an idiot to say no.”

After a few minutes of little kisses, giggles, and talking, the both of you go to open the door only to be met with multiple falling bodies. A sheepish Kyra, Katie, and Beth look up from the floor with guilty smiles while the rest of the team turn back around and continue in their cubbies like they also weren’t eavesdropping.

“Everyone get dressed and leave unless you want to come in extra early tomorrow for some extra laps.” Kim announces with her captain expression, making everybody scramble.

The Scottish woman watches with a stone-cold expression before turning to look at you with a soft smile. She leans over and places a lingering kiss on your cheek.

“I’ll see you tomorrow?”

“Of course.”

#kim little x reader #kim little #steph catley #katie mccabe #kyra cooney cross #leah williamson #beth mead #arsenal wfc #arsenal #woso x reader #woso imagine #woso fic #woso

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sporadicbeans82 · 2 months

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The Rivalry || Arsenal Women x Reader

Summary: You've fallen back into old routine, but will your teammates notice in time to help you?-- based off of "Flora" by Hey, Nothing.

Warnings: Centered around drug abuse and addiction. If this is something which triggers you, please do not read this piece of fiction. Poor mental health, very brief mentions of self harm and disordered eating, a solid chunk of angst & comfort, please let me know if I have missed anything.

A/N: I was going to properly edit this but the wheel I rolled decided to just post it. I'm sad, so have this fic :)

Special thanks to @girlgenius1111, @greynatomy, & @ilovemeadema for all your help. I appreciate each of you!!!

Your life has always been a series of rivalries. You’d spent the majority of your formative years competing against your friends for starting positions on your youth football team, whilst competing for spots on your youth international team.

In college, you played for the North Carolina Tar Heels and competed often against your school’s known rival, Duke. You threw your everything into each match you ever played for the college, but there always seemed to be extra charge on the table when it came through your sworn rivals.

You signed for Arsenal just out of college, traveling abroad and leaving your family in the name of getting better and playing for a club that you’d secretly supported since childhood. Your rivalry then, of course, was Chelsea.

See, all your life had always been a series of rivalries against other people and other teams. Never, in all your years, had you ever anticipated that your biggest rivalry would be against yourself.

You think it had probably stemmed from the first time you’d suffered a serious injury on the pitch in college. You’d suffered a blow to your ankle. They’d given you little white pills to help stave off your pain, and you knew that your family had a history of drug addiction, so you tried to wean yourself off of them as soon as you could tolerate it.

The remaining pills, however, had stayed in your dorm room drawer with all of your other medicines. It had taken you only a few months to open the pill bottle, driven by curiosity and overwhelming sadness. Your friends had been graduating, which meant that some of your favorite people were leaving you to move on with their adult lives. On top of that, you were struggling with a class and working through your grades which was causing you a lot of stress. The nail of the coffin had been that you’d found out that your mother was terminally ill, with cancer.

You remembered the numbness and floatiness you’d felt when you’d taken the pills whilst recovering from surgery. You hadn’t had to feel the pain and had lived in your own little world, peacefully separated from the things which plagued you. It was exactly what you needed.

You wondered if they’d do anything to numb you again. This time, however, you sought emotional numbness rather than pain relief.

You dipped your fingers into the orange bottle and took out a little white pill. You rolled the medication in between your fingers before slipping it between your lips, letting it rest on your tongue for only a moment. You hesitated, wondering if this was truly the right decision. However, the tears on your face stung against the skin of your cheeks and your heart throbbed to nearly an unbearable extent. You felt cornered, like you were left with no choice but to try to find a way to deal with what was happening, and so you dry swallowed the pill before you could think about it any further.

You’d spent the afternoon on a cloud, staring at the wall of your dorm room while the television played your comfort show. You weren’t happy, but you weren’t sad. You were just what you’d desired to be, numb. Your mind was quiet, thoughts stilled, and you convinced yourself that this allowed you to help deal with and comprehend what was going on in your life.

When the effects of the little white pill wore off, however, the pain came back… and so you took another.

Once you went through the entire bottle, you were forced to find other ways to deal with the things which plagued your mind and body. You found other ways to control your pain, by restricting the amount of food you ate, by working out more, by drowning yourself in alcohol. None of it worked as you desired, but you had no other option.

You managed to keep it a secret from your college teammates, as you only dipped into these harsh coping mechanisms every once in a while. Once, however, one of your teammates caught on to your struggles as you’d been losing a lot of weight. Alessia Russo, a senior, had confronted you and helped you to get some help.

Alessia and the girls were there for you, of course, but then they’d graduated and you were left alone again. The loneliness was near-crippling, but with the help of your therapist and regular calls with Alessia, you were able to retain your sobriety throughout the rest of your college years.

You’d moved to Arsenal out of college, and you’d been successful for the years that you’d been there. However, even as you continued to try harder and harder to better yourself, everything seemed to be failing and you couldn’t figure out why.

Perhaps it was in the early morning hours of a new day. You should have been in your bed, buried deep in the comfort of your duvet. You should have been resting for the training session that you were supposed to be getting up for in just a few hours.

Instead, here you were, sitting with some of your more recent “friends” in the alleyway between two abandoned buildings in North London. You were high as a kite, not entirely sure what you’d been given but more than happy to be on it. Sitting with your back slumped against a wall and your legs bent against your chest, you were able to ignore the pressures of being one of the younger Arsenal players.

You were able to ignore the fact that you hadn’t scored a goal in nearly two months. You were able to put aside the fact that you’d cost Arsenal an important game just the week prior, by carelessly getting a red card in the 42nd minute. You’d gotten into a shoving match with another player, leaving your teammates with ten players against a dominant Tottenham team.

You could stop thinking about how you’d been taken out of Arsenal’s starting XI, despite being a pivotal piece of the lineup since you’d signed for the team a couple of months back. You didn’t have to think about the number of people who were counting on you, and the mass amount of people who you were disappointing. You were trying your best, but your best was not and had never been enough.

When you felt all high and floaty, you felt like you were separated from the person who suffered from thousands of online hate. The media enjoyed hyper analyzing your poor performance from the last few weeks, and many fans were quick to pick up on it. You’d become the laughing stock of women’s soccer, something which you were entirely too aware of whenever you opened your phone. You were bombarded with hate, despite having disabled comments on your social media accounts.

Everywhere you went, you saw the image of you sliding against the ground after a failed attempt on goal. If not that image, then you saw the one where you were shoving the Tottenham player back against the torn up grass, an angry scowl upon your usually-serene features. Your Arsenal teammates were gathered around you, and fans were quick to make light of the fact that Katie McCard herself was holding you back from swinging a fist at the Spurs player.

Everywhere you looked, your mistakes and poor performances were highlighted, and you wanted to ignore it all, to block it all away, just for a moment. Soon, you were back to your habits, and the six years that you’d spent on the recovery were down the drain as you went back to those same white pills.

They were relatively easy to get, actually, especially when you had been given a bottle of them recently after an injury. Each time you opened your phone and you were bombarded with hate, you resorted back to those same pills to numb the pain in your heart and soul, a crushing pain which returned in full force each time the effects of your pills wore off.

You needed more, however, to numb the pain. It was getting harder to appear normal to your teammates, and you knew that they’d find out that something was wrong eventually. Yet, still, you couldn’t help it.

Everything seemed useless to you. Your career was failing, your beloved family was across an entire ocean, and you’d given up something you’d spent years working towards– sobriety. Nothing mattered but numbing the pain that these failures caused you, so much so that you began to give up anything else in favor of those pills.

Your teammates knew that something was the matter with you. It was something further than just simply playing badly, although they couldn’t quite figure out what it was. The signs were obvious, despite your ability to hide what was going on relatively well.

You showed up late to training, took your dressing downs for your tardiness and performance with tired eyes and slumped shoulders. You were skinnier, something which was obvious when anyone caught a glimpse of you changing in the locker room before or after training or matches. You were pale, and abnormally short-tempered.

Alessia, especially, was beginning to realize what was going on. She recognized the signs from playing college with you, as did Lotte. The way your eyes darkened and reddened, your sudden exhaustion and disinterest in the sport and people that you’d once loved with every ounce of your body. You no longer went out with your teammates, nor did you joke around as you once had. Still, neither girl were completely sure that that was what was wrong, and they didn’t want to immediately assume the worst, not wanting to excuse the six years of sobriety that you’d managed to get under your belt.

Even so, they couldn’t ignore the fact that each attempt of your teammates to talk to you was met with attitude and shouting. On the rare occasion, you’d leave your teammates in the dust, slamming a door behind yourself in order to punctuate the fact that you did not want to talk about what was going on with you.

Your teammates were becoming desperate, beginning to corner you in places other than the pitch or the dressing room. Just four nights ago, Leah and Lia had shown up outside your house, knocking on your door and calling for you to open up. You’d managed to convince the two older girls that you weren’t home, as the lights were off and everything was locked up.

The day after, Katie, Beth, and Viv had asked you to come out to lunch with them after training had finished up early. You’d brushed off their offer by saying that you had errands and house chores to complete. Something in their eyes told you that they didn’t believe your meager excuses, but you couldn’t find it within yourself to actually care.

-----

"You don't believe in curfew, so you're staying out past 12

You know you really done it this time, you're too into yourself,"

-----

Kim had called your phone just the night prior, although her calls had gone unanswered by you. You’d declined each one with a scoff and a shake of your head. Finally, you’d set your phone to the side and had gone to shut it off for the night. However, you got a text from your friends’ group chat about going out that night, something which your troubled mind couldn’t deny.

You appreciate your teammates, and love them like family. However, you couldn’t help but become quickly irritated by their attempts to get you to talk to them.

Nothing was going on. You were fine, there was nothing to worry about. If you admitted that there was an issue, then you were afraid that what little control you felt you had on your life would slip from your quaking fingers.

Before you left, you took a pill from your bottle, which was beginning to grow close to empty. You didn’t care at the moment, however, happy to ignore everything in favor of going out and pretending like you were someone that you weren’t. Worry free, happy.

It was four in the morning by the time you’d stumbled back into your apartment. You were high, mostly, buzzing and numb and floaty and free.

Everything came crashing down as soon as you managed to open the door to your apartment.

-----

"You've got pictures of your parents, they don't occupy your shelf

You don't know what you're doing, but you're puttin' them through hell,"

-----

It had taken a concerned phone call from your parents to Alessia just an hour before you left that had confirmed her worst fears. You’d shunned your parents, and had been ignoring their calls.

You’d taken their pictures off of your walls, because when you felt like you were disappointing them and you couldn’t bear to look at them, even if they were just framed pictures.

Your parents, after waiting a week, had called Alessia. They held the same fears that Alessia had had, afraid that you’d fallen back into your old patterns. Your parents had exchanged their notes with Alessia, and Alessia realized that she needed to step in, and fast.

She’d called Kim, who in turn had called you. When she hadn’t gotten an answer, she and Leah, as well as Alessia and Lotte, had gone to your house together to see if you were there.

You weren’t, and you continued to ignore their frantic calls. Alessia had half the mind to call the police, but Kim had decided that they would sit and wait in your apartment for you to come back before they jumped to conclusions or did anything drastic such as that.

-----

"That's the card you wanna throw, you really, ought to know

There are things in life that you can change, some you can control

Like an addiction to nicotine or an addiction to coke

Some of which are in your realm, the others have you in a choke,"

-----

And so they waited.

And waited.

And waited some more.

Until, finally, they’d heard the click of your key scraping against your door. Alessia swore she could hear her heart pumping harshly in her own chest as they continued to wait.

The four women could hear the way you stumbled outside. You cursed, once and then twice, before you managed to get your key into the hole and properly turn it.

Alessia would never forget the haunted look on your face as you stepped into your apartment to see them. It, of course, took you a moment to react as your actions and reactions were slowed with whatever you had taken.

“To what… Do I owe the pleasure?” Your voice was slurred, and it was obvious that you were out of it. It took a moment for you to set down your things, and Kim was quick to help you set your things down before she was leading you over to the couch. The other girls sat around you, all in various states of mind.

The truth was– there were things which fell under your control, and things that didn’t. Those things had once been clear cut, but now you felt like everything was crumbling beneath you no matter how hard you tried to hold onto them.

You were sobering up, a glass of water in a shaking hand. As your mind cleared, dazed and arrogant and startled and frightened and so many other emotions which always accompanied the end of your high, you realized that your closely held secret had finally been figured out.

You wanted to scream and shout, to lock your teammates out again. You wanted to push them away, physically and mentally, and never allow them to see you like this again. You felt naked beneath their gazes, unable to look any of them in the eyes as your head hung down on your chest. Your breaths were staggered, unsettled, conveying your nerves and disappointment in a way that your words could not.

-----

"Hold (hold) on to me

Flora I (I) haven't felt you in weeks,"

-----

To everyone’s surprise, it was Alessia who spoke first.

“Hey Bug, are you…” Alessia hesitated, unable to figure out a way to phrase her words and soften them as not to startle you any further. Instead, she moved from her space on the floor and into the space next to you. You were cold, and so you allowed her to push her arm around you. “Are you using… again?”

Maybe it was Alessia’s words, or perhaps it was the feel of a soft touch against your skin. No matter, you seemed to shatter before their very eyes. Your shoulders seemed to crumple as you leaned further into Alessia and let out another sob, a tear sliding from the very corner of your left eye before slipping down your pale cheek and off your chin.

Then, the dam broke and you let out another sob, and another. Each one caused your shoulders to shake and your chest to shudder, your breaths uneven and shaky. You weren’t quite sure what to do, or what was going on, but Alessia’s hands around your shoulders pulled you further into her, comforting you with words uttered softly into your hair.

“It’ll be okay, Bug. We’ve got you, we’ve all got you. You’re okay.” Alessia murmured, like a mantra. Someone was moving behind you, and you weren’t sure who it was but they managed to wrap their arms around your other side as you were cushioned between their bodies.

You felt safer than you had in months, and with that came the feeling that you could finally, finally let go and just feel and fall and trust that someone would catch you.

And so you did.

-----

"Lost all motivation when old Danny moved away

You thought that you can never live up to standards that he made,"

-----

They let you cry, comforting you with their words and touches which allowed you to know that they were there.

“Please, please don’t let go.” You’d nearly begged, and Alessia had tugged you in harder, allowing you to bury your face into her chest and sob. She held on tightly, as if you’d disappear if she let go– perhaps you would, with how pale and sickly you appeared in her arms. She tried to forget that, just for the moment, as she tried to comfort you.

You didn’t know it, but Alessia had been in pain just as you had. She’d noticed, but had been too afraid to voice her worries in case she’d been wrong. She knew that that was foolish, now, and she was cursing herself over and over again in her head for allowing you to get this bad again.

She felt like, through her silence, she’d purchased a front row seat to your demise. Her grip tightened on your body impossibly further, so much so that she almost worried that she may be hurting you, but you simply clung to the other girl like she was your lifeline.

Finally, when you’d cried more tears than you had thought that you could give, you sat back against the cushions of your couch. The material felt scratchy against your skin and you shivered, which Leah seemed to mistake for you being cold as she got up and grabbed a blanket from the chair she sat on. She came over, draping it across your shoulders and patting you softly before sitting back down again.

Lotte was on your other side, one of her arms still around you and stroking at the skin of your shoulder. You knew what came next, and you were still mentally trying to wrap your head around the fact that your teammates knew.

The last time you’d struggled, you hadn’t even been aware that you’d had an addiction until someone had thrown the rock hard facts down in front of your face.

Now, however, you were more than aware of it– you knew you had a problem, but you felt powerless to stop it. You felt like, once you’d moved away from your parents, you’d lost the majority of the support you’d had with them.

Your awareness had somehow just made everything worse, the fact that you knew that you needed to stop but were unable to. You’d felt weak, useless, less than nothing in the face of something you’d long since beaten and returned to. You wanted, oh so badly, to stop using but you couldn’t– the numbness was too appetizing to your abused mind, and your strength and self control waned with every day that passed.

Sure, your teammates stepped in and made you feel like you were a part of a larger family. Still, it wasn’t the same.

-----

"Well, guess what? You'll never live unless, you learn to be okay

The fact that time is fleeting and legs aren't long enough to chase,"

-----

You explained everything that night to your four attentive teammates. By the end of it, you’d thought that they would shun you.

In fact, you’d half expected Kim to make a call to Jonas and tell him that he should kick you off the team.

You’d never expected all of them to embrace you together, like one big family group hug. Kim had told you that she would help you, that they would all be there for you. She’d explained that others who had come before you had struggled with mental health and addiction as well, and that they’d gotten the help that they’d needed through the Arsenal team and therapists.

You’d felt weak, and it was Leah who told you that you weren’t. She’d pressed a kiss against your forehead before explaining that they’d all struggled, and that they’d all needed help.

“The bravest people are the ones who seek help when they need it,” Leah had said, arms on your shoulders as her blue eyes bore into your own. “I needed help with my ACL, did that make me weak? Kim has needed help with her injuries, and she’s strong. Alessia needed therapy for her mental health, do you think she’s weak? We’ve all struggled. We’ve all needed help, and we’ve all supported each other and accepted that. You need help, and we’ll help you, but you need to accept that and accept that you need help, or all of this will be for nothing.”

“I need help, I think.” You’d whispered in response. Your voice was hoarse, bare before the women before you. You felt weak, but only because you were exhausted– physically, spiritually… emotionally. You wondered, briefly, if you’d ever be okay again.

The hands around you, the eyes on you, the people who cared so, so, so much about you knew that you would be.

Even still, your recovery was not without its hard moments.

However, your teammates were there for you every step of the way.

They were there when you were shaking and crying, with a headache rocking your world and making you feel as though your head would split open from your withdrawals.

They held you tight as you shattered, helping to piece you back together and listening to what you needed.

They were there when you were allowed back into practice, giggling and joking as you once had been. There was color to your skin and light in your eyes once more, and that was enough to set a fire in everyone’s bellies. You were going to be okay.

They were there, even still, when you finally, finally scored your first goal in over a year.

You slotted the ball into the left corner and watched the net shudder as the ball connected with it. You were spinning in place, eyes wide and mouth open as Alessia’s arms flew up as if she were an airplane.

Katie McCabe was sprinting at you from across the field, and Leah and Kim were patting you on the back and shouting in excitement as those on the field came to embrace you. Briefly, you were lifted up by a very, very passionate Irish woman before being set down.

You felt like your heart had been lifted, too, even more so as you scored a hattrick in that game.

Two years ago, you’d felt like everything was useless, and you’d become your biggest rival. Finally, you’d bested yourself.

Finally, you were free.

#woso x reader #woso fanfics #woso imagine #arsenal wfc #alessia russo x reader #kim little #leah williamson #lotte wubben moy #harper writes

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pitchsidestories · 1 month

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Just a little crush II Kim Little x Beattie!Reader

masterlist I word count: 3192

a/n: sorry, It's a lengthy one, but we hope you still enjoy it. ❤️

“Lee, who’s that girl talking to Jen?”, Kim Little asked Arsenal’s vice-captain while licking her lips nervously. They and some other family and friends gathered for a party to send Jen Beattie off who was going to California to join Bay FC.

There was something about that young woman standing next to her friend which was making her feel and think things the midfielder never did before, but she didn’t want to dwell on them any further as it would lead to much more questions and less clear answers.

Amused Leah Williamson raised her eyebrows:” Oh Kimmy, you don’t recognize her? It’s Jennis baby sister, she’s fresh out of Edinburgh University!”

“That’s not Jen’s sister! She looked so much younger last time.”, the Scottish woman shook her head in disbelief.

Still smiling the England captain replied: “Yes, it’s, she’s 25 now.”

“Oh wow.”, Kim muttered.

Noisily Beth Mead took part in their conversation:” Who are you two gossiping about? I want to know.”

“Jens little sis.”, Leah answered with a smug smile on her face.

“She turned into a real beauty, right?”, the blonde forward winked watching Kim turning red.

Much to her dismay the defender noticed it:” think our captain would agree with you.”

“Stop it.. I’m not.”, Kim explained slightly embarrassed.

“Having a little crush?”, Beth teased her teammate grinning.

Tuning in Steph Catley chirmed:” Oh Kim, that’s so cute.”

“I don’t have a crush.”, their captain disagreed. She felt relived when Jen came along distracting from the gossiping football players.

“Hi guys, remember my little sister?”, the tall Scottish defender asked.

Cheerful you greeted them:” Hi, everyone.”

“Hello great to see you again. Even though the reason is kind of sad.”, Beth responded with a sad smile.

Empathetically you nodded:” No, I agree but shamefully can’t wait to visit her soon in Cali.”

“You all act like I’m disappearing forever.”, your big sister laughed. Even though you knew the farewell felt equally as bittersweet to her.

Quickly Lia Wälti hugged her: “We can’t help how we’re feeling, Jen. It’s a big loss for us and a big win for Bay FC.”

“You girls are the sweetest.”, Jen whispered, she was so grateful for the friendships she made during her time at Arsenal.

Big eyed Steph Catley responded:” I’ll miss my favourite neighbour.”

“I’ll miss living next to you too, Steph.”, the defender answered truthfully.

This was the moment you found the time to talk to Kim directly to express your gratitude towards her:” Thanks for letting me stay at your place for a few weeks, Kim.”

“You’re welcome. Now that your sister can’t let you stay anymore.”, the older woman waved it off.

“I really appreciate it.”

With a small smile the midfielder told you in a reassuring tone:” You can stay as long as you want. Don’t worry about it.”

“I’m sure you’ll have a great time together.”, Jen intervened confidently.

You gave your sister a nod: “I’m sure we’ll.“

As the evening progressed, the atmosphere became more and more relaxed. You felt right at home with your sisters teammates who happily shared stories about Jen with and made sure your glass was never empty.

It was only after midnight that Kim appeared right in front of you, reaching out a hand towards you: “Come, I’ll get you home.“

“Now?“, you asked, surprised by how drunk you sounded already.

Kim just raised an eyebrow but did not comment on it: “Yes, it’s late.“

“Bye, Jen!“, you shouted across the room to your sister while Kim helped you into your coat.

With one swift motion, Jen came over and pulled you into a tight hug: “Bye, you two.“

Luckily, the way home in Kims car was short. You were by sleep and found it difficult to keep your eyes open. Once Kim led you into the guest room of her apartment, you let yourself fall onto the bed with a relieved sigh. Kims dog curled into a ball at your feet.

“This is really cozy.“, you mumbled, burying your face into the soft pillows.

Kim watched you from the doorway: “Glad you feel at home here.“

“Good night, Kim.“

The corners of her mouth quirked up as she closed the door behind her and you fell into a dreamless sleep.

You woke up early the next morning and decided to make coffee for yourself and Kim. The coffee was just done brewing as Kim came back from walking her dog. Beaming, you handed her a mug: “Morning, this one is for you.“

She gave you a surprised look first but then took the coffee from you: “Oh. Thank you.“

“You’re welcome. Also I hope I didn’t say anything weird when we went home last night.“, you said as you sat down at the kitchen table together. You took a sip of coffee to hide your reddening cheeks behind the cup.

“No. Like what?“, Kim asked inquiringly.

You decidedly ignored her question and only reacted to the first part: “Oh good.“

“You almost immediately fell asleep.“, she explained plainly.

Changing the topic, you suggested: “Do you like Pizza? When I’m done with my interview, I could get some on the way back.“

Finally, a small smile appeared on the football players face: “Sure, why not?“

“Okay, great.“

With a glance toward the kitchen clock, Kim announced: “I have to leave for training now. So, see you later?“

“Yes, see you.“, you smiled at her.

Just before Kim walked out, she paused for a moment: “Oh, wait.“

“Uhm, yes?“, you patiently looked at her as she walked back into the kitchen.

“I forgot to give you the keys.“, she said, carefully tossing them in you direction.

You caught them with a grin: “Right. Thank you, Kim.“

“See you later. Good luck with your interview.”, Kim replied.

You were almost at the door when you turned around to face her beaming with hopefulness: “Thanks. Have fun in training!”

During training Kim warmed up with Cloé Lacasse. The Canadian striker asked her curiously:” So you got yourself a roommate, Kim?”

“I was more or less assigned a roommate, Cloé. She was supposed to stay with Jen, but she decided to leave us.”, the Arsenal captain explained with a deep sigh.

With a mischievous smile on her lips Leah came to a stop right next to the older women: “The most important part is though that Kim has a Girl crush on said roommate.”

Annoyed by her comment Kim rolled her eyes at the defender:” I don’t have a girl crush, Leah.”

“Kim is straight too.”, the Canadian forward added.

“Right.”, the Scottish midfielder nodded. Although deep inside of her something didn’t sit right with it although it has been true for so many years at this point. Why did your presence make her question things she thought she knew about herself.

This didn’t impress Leah in the least: “You should have been there Cloé when they met at Jens Farewell Party.”

“Well, I can’t wait to hopefully meet her soon.”, Cloé answered politely.

Frustrated Kim intervened:” You guys are making a way too big deal out of it.”

“If you need to chat though we’re here for you, Kim.”, Beth offered warmly.

Stubbornly the Scottish woman shook her head: “I don’t need to chat. She’s just staring at my place.”

“Alright, just saying.”, the England forward mumbled.

“It’s not a big deal.”, her captain repeated in a serious tone which made obvious that she was done with talking for now.

Reading the signs Leah decided:” Let’s get back to training.”

Finally, Kim thought relieved as they started to move again, distracting from the whirlwind, which was currently inside of her, giving her a peace of mind for the moment.

In the early evening you returned to Kim’s place announcing cheerfully:” Hi, I got the pizza.”

“Thanks. How did your interview go?”, she wanted to know from you.

As you were setting up the table for dinner, you told her about it:” Not too bad, actually. They said my writing is promising but they asked me if I really want to stay focused on women’s football.”

Interested the Scottish woman looked up to you:” What did you say to them?”

“That I don’t want to change my focus, I love writing about women’s football and the culture surrounding it.”, you responded.

Proudly Kim remarked:” Your sister would have done the same in your position.”

“She would’ve, right?”, you asked her cautiously.

Kim nodded once with conviction: “Absolutely.“

“There’s still such a long way to go… although the recent success helped a bit.“, you thought out loud, a sad smile tugging on your lips.

“You don’t have to tell me.“, Kim replied with her gaze trained on the kitchen table.

You could sense that the football player felt a similar way about the topic. Your curiosity was piqued so you continued: “For you and Jen it must have been an amazing progress to live through.“

“Yes. We’re lucky to be part of this generation. Selling out stadiums is something that a few years ago we thought was impossible.“, she explained calmly.

You were reminded of your sisters first football games. She was not getting paid to play yet and the number of fans was ridiculously low compared to this season. You bit your lip: “Yes, I remember that too.“

“I appreciate that you want to keep focusing on womens football.“

Hearing her say that made your heart flutter for a brief moment. But you were also reminded how quickly the atmosphere had changed. You sighed and with all the enthusiasm you could muster, said: “We should eat the pizzas now before they get too cold.“

“You’re right.“

As you both sat down, taking the first slices of the pizza, you admitted: “But I do love talking about football with you.“

“We can continue at another time if you want.“, Kim suggested a little more relaxed.

“Yes, I’d like that very much.“

“Me too.“

“Great.“

Kim put her slice of pizza down and looked at you thoughtfully: “We’re playing at home on the weekend. You should come watch.“

“Yes, I’ll be there.“, you politely smiled back at her.

Kims focus had already shifted back to her pizza: “Great.“

The stadium was starting to fill on the following Sunday while players walked out to warm up. You were engrossed in a conversation with your friend Emily who after a long time of convincing had finally agreed to come to the game with you. You completely missed that Cloe Lacasse walked out on the pitch with Kim and curiously nodded in your direction: “So that’s her?“

“Yes, that’s her.“, Kim replied, a frown on her face as she spotted you close to the field.

“Is that her girlfriend? The one who’s standing next to her?“, the Canadian wanted to know.

Kim shrugged and shook her head: “She didn’t say anything about a girlfriend.“

Still, her gaze lingered on the two of you for a little longer.

The game ended with an easy win for Arsenal. Apart from the goals of Cloe and Alessia Russo, Kim also converted a penalty. The atmosphere in the stadium after the game was great and you immediately felt at home. However, the mood between the players on the pitch was less elated.

Leah Williamson bumped her captain with her shoulder: “Kim? You’re even quieter than usual.“

“What? I’m just focused.“, the midfielder replied, pulling away from her teammate.

The younger player couldn’t ask any further as you hugged the Scottish woman and sung:” Kim, you had a fantastic game, Kim!” Seeing the England captain you added blushing:”Hi Lee.”

Smiling Leah couldn’t help but to notice the height difference between you two, you were almost as tall as Jen while your roommate was fairly small: “Our skipper was great, right?”

“Yes, she definitely was.”, with that said you let Kim down.

Much to your surprise she didn’t look happy despite the comfortable win:”Thanks.”

The midfielder didn’t say anything further instead she left the room and left you clueless. Puzzled you turned around to look at her teammate: “Well, that was a bit strange do you know what’s going on, Leah?”

“I think she’s a bit jealous.”, the blonde replied seriously.

Baffled by that you let out a shaky laugh:” Jealous? Kim?”

Leah grinned: “Yeah.”

“Why?”

“Because you brought your girlfriend.”, the defender replied, crossing her arms in front of her.

“My girlfriend? Emily is just a friend!”, you corrected her, shaking your head in disbelief.

Sceptical Leah rose an eyebrow at you:” Oh, is she?”

“Yes, wait, did Kim think that Em was my girlfriend?”, you questioned her.

Thoughtfully Leah responded:” Maybe.”

“I need to talk to her.”, you decided.

With an empathetic smile on her lips the blonde held you back: “Maybe not now.”

You listened to her advice, so you went back to Emily and brought her home before making your way slowly to Kim’s home. In your mind it already was yours too.

On her car ride home Jen phone called the Arsenal captain:” Hi mate, great game!”

“Thanks, Jen. How’s California?”, Kim asked her.

“It’s been really great so far., the defender sounded happily before turning more serious, but you texted that you needed to talk?”

Earnestly Kim told her: “Yes. About your sister. Did you know that she’s dating someone?”

“What? No, she’s single.”, she mumbled convinced.

“What do you mean? She brought someone to our game today?”, the midfielder frowned.

Quickly Jen explained: “Yes Emily, she’s just a friend of her, Kimmy.”

“Are you sure? They seemed close?”, Kim almost felt something like relief by her former teammates reply. Although she didn’t dare to trust the news yet.

“Kim, I’m sure of that besides Emily has a boyfriend.”, Jen chuckled.

“If you say so.”

“But you can ask my sister again. Kim are you jealous?”, the defender wanted to know from her friend.

Offended Kim scoffed at her:” Why would I be jealous? I was just wondering why she’d stay with me when she’s got a girlfriend here.”

“Now you know. I need to go to training, hope to hear from you soon, mate?” After a few goodbyes they ended the phone call and the Arsenal captain tried to focus on the drive instead of the turmoil which was inside her.

When the door closed behind Kim, you looked up from the food you were cooking. While the Arsenal players showered and debriefed at the stadium, you had hurried to get home and surprise your housemate with a freshly cooked dinner. “Kim? Hi, I started cooking…“, you greeted her.

The football player raised her eyebrows in surprise: “You’re already here?“

You nodded: “Yes, Emily had to go back to her boyfriend who has a bit of a cold. Otherwise we might have gone to a pub. Do you want a drink to celebrate the win?“

“No, thanks. I usually don’t drink after games.“, Kim answered plainly, putting her bag down next to the kitchen table.

You grimaced: “Oh, right. Sorry. So water?“

“Sure. What are you cooking?“, Kim asked, looking over your shoulder at the food while you poured two glasses of water.

You smiled while handing her one of the glasses: “Some pasta dish. It’s one of the few things I can cook.“

The football player nodded impressed and smirked slightly: “That’s more than your sister can cook.“

“That’s true.“

You both sat down to enjoy your home-cooked meal, talking about the game again even though Kim kept her answers short. You took the empty plates and set them down at the sink: “I guess I’ll let you sleep now.“

“You don’t have to. I can’t sleep yet anyway.“, Kim replied to your surprise.

You slowly turned back to her, biting down a nervous smile: “Okay but you know you can just ask me on a date instead of running away and sulking after the match, right?“

Her eyes widened in shock: “Wait, what are you talking about?“

“Leah said you were jealous because of Emily and you really don’t need to be.“, you shrugged, trying to keep the nonchalance in your voice.

“I wasn’t jealous.“, she protested.

You looked back at the dishes in the sink, waiting: “Good.“

“That’s ridiculous.“

“Kim…“, you started but when you looked back to her, she had already bridged the gap between you two and pressed her lips to yours. You gasped into the kiss: “What?“

“That was a mistake. I’m sorry.“, she sighed, shaking her head in a mix of confusion and guilt.

She wanted to turn away from you but you grabbed her wrist: “No, please, do it again.“

There was an urgency in your voice that made Kim search for your eyes: “Are you sure?“

“Yes.“

“But… okay.“

She kissed you again, more patiently now. This time you could savour the taste of her lips on yours and only then you realized that she had to stand on her tiptoes to reach you. You were so charmed by this that you could not stop yourself from smiling.

As you both pulled away, you could see an uncertainty in Kims eyes. It was definitely not the kiss, you could feel that you both enjoyed it. Another thougth raced through your head: “Am I your first woman? Don’t worry, we have time. When is your next free day? Maybe we could go to a restaurant.“

“I have tomorrow off.”, she told you straight away.

A relieved sigh escaped your mouth:” Perfect, with a smirk you continued, also, you’re not a bad kisser, captain.”

“I never said I was.”, Kim laughed, you could tell some weight fell off her shoulders.

“No just saying.”, you shrugged.

The midfielder put a loose string of hair behind her ear:” Thanks.”

A month later Kim and you had a video call with your sister. The first thing you told her was that you two became a couple. “You two are dating?! You better take good care of her little sis!”, Jen warned you in a jokingly tone.

“What?! Me?!”, you huffed.

Grinning the defender nodded: “Yes, you heard me.”

“Wow.”, you ran a free hand through your hair.

Meanwhile your girlfriend seemed to have ignored that part of the conversation as she reassured Jen:” Don’t worry, I’m taking good care of your sister.”

“I can already see that.”, your big sister observed amused.

“Jen, you’re a terrible big sister.”, you teased her.

“I’m the best big sister.”, she countered quickly.

“Sure.”, you rolled your eyes at her.

“Stop it you two.”, Kim demanded in her captain voice.

Smiling Jen answered:” No, get used to it, Kimmy. You’re part of the Beattie family now.”

“Oh yes.”, you added, while giving the midfielder a kiss on her blushing cheek.

Coming to London to move in with one of your sister’s oldest friends was one of the best things that could had happen to you.

As for Kim she never knew she could fall for a woman until you came into her life, but the midfielder was very happy to have let her change her mind about that. Turned out you were more than just a little crush.

#kim little #kim little x reader #woso x reader #woso fanfics #woso imagine #woso #woso one shot #woso community #arsenal wfc #arsenal wfc x reader #leah williamson #jen beattie #beth mead #lia walti #arsenal women

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queen-of-reptiles · 3 months

Text

𝙲𝙷𝙴𝚁𝚁𝚈

description: in which kyra cannot help but fall in love with the baby of the arsenal team, the 20 year old nicknamed 'cherry' was as sweet as anyone could be

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kyra cooney-cross x female reader

disclaimer: this is all fiction! Do not take any of this seriously.

warnings: just plain cuteness, like a few kisses and curse words but mainly just fluff and mutual pining

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uta (women)

mccard: guys i've added kyra to the gc !

goonerno.1: ayy, she finally got the right sim card

y/n: leah never say ayy again

thegoat: hi kyra!

beffy: hi!

kyra: hi guys!

y/n: hi kyra! <3

kyra: hi y/n! <3

foordfiesta: awww look at them! 😩

littlescott: you all better be on you way to training!

y/n sent a photo

y/n: on our way

kyra: 🚗🚗

beffy: hmmmm 😏

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y/n pulled up to her usual space, Leah already bending down to pick up the sign which said 'cherry's space' on it as she pulled in. y/n laughed at the blonde who waved at her as she waved back.

"Thanks for driving me." Kyra repeats for what felt like the hundredth time to y/n.

"Of course!" y/n smiles, leaning over to peck Kyra's cheek before getting out and running over to Leah to hug the blonde. Kyra follows, gaping dumbly as she holds her bag with shaky hands.

"You okay Kyra?" Leah asks the girl with a smirk. Kyra nods, rubbing her arms in the November wind.

"Are you cold?" y/n asks worriedly before tugging her jacket off and wrapping it around the Australian.

"I'm fine." Kyra promises but a raised brow from y/n has her blushing and shutting up.

"Ayy, cherry!" An Irish voice calls out, y/n suddenly being hoisted over Katie's shoulder as she carried her inside, Kyra watches with a laugh as Leah picks up y/n's discarded bag.

Caitlin follows Katie inside, shrieking when Kyra launched herself onto her back, groaning as the twenty-one year old clung onto her with a cheeky grin.

"I've brought her!" Katie yells as she kicks open the door and places y/n down, the girls in the locker room laughing as y/n spins and sends a wave.

"Bag." Leah warns as y/n moves to her locker.

"Oh, thanks Leah!" y/n grins, kissing the blonde on the cheek as Kyra follows her to their lockers, which happened to be next to each other.

The two changed quickly, talking and giggling as they did so, the team around them sending them knowing looks as y/n finally sat on the bench waiting for Kyra.

"Here!" y/n chimes, moving Kyra's foot onto her lap and tying the laces, before tapping the other thigh.

Kyra flushes pink, switching her feet to let y/n tie the other lace and once she has removes her foot all together from her lap. Caitlin watches from the doorway a smirk on her face.

"Thanks." Kyra smiles, y/n grins kissing her cheek before running over to Katie who wraps and arm around her shoulders and tugs her outside.

"Awww, kywa got a cwush." Caitlin teases as Kyra rolls her eyes and shoves her into the lockers. "Oi!" Caitlin yells, chasing after Kyra who runs away.

Katie and y/n turn to see Kyra waiting behind the tunnel as as Caitlin comes out, shouting her name, Kyra sticks her foot out, grinning widely as she watches Caitlin sprawl on the floor.

"Enjoy your trip!" Kyra calls before Caitlin scrambles up. "Uh oh." She realises before screeching and running from her angry friend.

Kyra moved quickly, barrelling into y/n who gasped as they sprawled out along the floor. y/n groaned as Leah stormed over, her and Steph gripping Kyra under the arms and pulling her to her feet.

"Careful!" Steph chides Kyra as Katie helps y/n onto her feet, the player wincing as she presses a hand to her ribs.

"y/n I'm so sorry." Kyra says but y/n just smiles at her kindly as she reassures her that it was okay.

"No it is not, we know how easily she gets injured." Leah chides. Katie moves and picks y/n up, the girl laughing and clinging to her like a koala, running her away from Kyra who pouts.

"Come on kid." Leah sighs, pulling Kyra into a walk to join the group.

The group finally start training, going through their stretches and runs up and down the pitch, warming their bodies up to get into a solid training session.

They are told to pair up and Kyra slides next to y/n, the two sharing a grin before Caitlin and Katie appear either side of them.

"Kyra, you're with Caitlin, Cherry you're with me." Katie warns.

"Aw. Okay!" y/n shrugs, taking Katie's hand and pulling here to get a ball.

"How'd you get stuck with me?" Kyra asked Caitlin who had glared at Katie.

"We played rock, paper, scissors." Caitlin huffed and Kyra sighed, looking over at y/n one more time, but the girl was too focused on the drill she was doing with Katie.

Caitlin and Kyra usually fought like sisters, Kyra was nothing short of complete chaos and it did Caitlin's head in to the upmost. However, Caitlin watched her younger teammate watch y/n.

The way her entire body had tensed while she watched her, arms floppy in front of her like she was mimicking a T-Rex. Her eyes glued tightly to y/n.

"You really like her, huh kid?" Caitlin asks Kyra who looks over at her with a defeated sigh.

"She's like my best friend. But she's so pretty." Kyra admits softly and Caitlin sighs, wrapping an arm around her and pulling her away.

"Come on, lets go kick some balls." Caitlin says and Kyra hums.

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Eventually training came to a stop for lunch, the group of footballers all piling in to the cafeteria. Kyra looked around, trying to catch a wisp of y/n's hair as she grabbed her lunch.

"Kyra!" y/n called, already sat with Beth and Viv, she gestured the girl over and Kyra bounded, almost leaping into the seat next to her.

"Hey." Kyra breathed with a smile.

"Hi." y/n smiled. "I got you some strawberries, there weren't any left after this." She adds and Kyra flushes pink once again.

"Thanks Cherry." Kyra smiles, y/n flushing at the nickname.

Beth and Viv share an exasperated look, almost in shock of how oblivious the two idiots were as the continue to talk and giggle with one another.

As they ate, y/n found her ankle hooked around Kyra's, the girl's arm wrapped around her shoulder as she ate her strawberries with the other hand.

The four on the table were discussing Beth and Viv's new puppy, happily chatting away, unaware of the amount of team-members that were snapping photos of Kyra and y/n.

y/n's head leaned onto Kyra's shoulder as she continued to talk to Beth, Kyra's sweet smell infected y/n and she couldn't help but sink closer into Kyra's side.

"Comfy?" A voice asks, and suddenly Kyra and y/n are pulled apart, Leah pushing herself between the two and wrapping an arm around both of their shoulders.

"Yeah I was." y/n pouted, Kyra however rolled her eyes and pushed her elbow into Leah's side, the blonde yelping before turning to y/n.

"Come on munchkin, let's get to the gym for strength training." Leah says to y/n who nods and the two get up as Kyra watches.

"What did I do wrong?" Kyra asks Beth and Viv who both sigh.

"Leah is just protective of Cherry, has been for years." Viv explains kindly to Kyra.

"They grew up together, from the same place, trained together, and when Cherry made her first debut 4 years ago, take a wild guess who calmed her down from her panic attack." Beth says and Kyra sighs.

"It'll be fine." Viv promises Kyra. "Don't worry..." She begins.

"Be happy." Beth sings, interrupting her as she and Kyra start singing said song, both pointing at Viv to finish the chorus for them.

"I don't like it." Viv states, before getting up and walking off, leaving Beth and Kyra to finish the chorus together.

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uta (women)

foordka: everyone who wants to know, the shrieking cats are beth and kyra who are running down the corridor screaming 'don't worry be happy'. 👍

goonerno.1: wondered what it was!

y/n: it is very off key 🫣

kyra: how dare you! we sound beautiful

y/n: you are beatiful - text deleted

y/n: keep dreaming CC 😙

beffy: OI CHERRY

y/n: see if Jen's guitar can save you

beattiejuice: it cannot

littlescott: if the SIX OF YOU are not in the gym in ONE MINUTE you will be doing bulgarian squats for twenty minutes

beffy: OMW!

kyra: please no, please

mccard: jesus - keep ya hair on we're coming

y/n: i don't understand how I read Katie's texts in her voice 🤨

foordka: because she's got an annoying voice!

mccard: OI

y/n: HAHAHAHHA 🤣

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Once the gym session had finished and everyone was showered and ready to go home, Kyra had looked across at y/n hopefully, the girl not having seen y/n much in the past few hours due to Leah keeping y/n protectively close.

"Do you wanna come round for dinner tonight, munchkin?" Leah asks y/n who was trying to pull on a jumper.

"Um." y/n says, stuck in her sweater.

Kyra giggles and leans over, pulling the jumper over the red sports bra y/n had on and the girl grinned in thanks, Kyra sending her a smile back.

"I can't tonight, sorry Lee!" y/n smiles and Leah huffs. "I promised Kyra we'd have a movie night, we've already postponed twice." She adds.

"No junk food and not too many sweets, you have a game tomorrow." Kim calls. "Early night." She adds.

"Okay Kimmy!" y/n calls before Leah sighs and kisses y/n on the forehead.

"Okay, have fun." Leah says and y/n grins, yelling out a goodbye to everyone before grabbing Kyra's wrist and tugging her out of the room, Kyra yelping in shock.

Leah watches them go with narrowed eyes, arms folded as Kim comes over and pats her on the back, sending her a pointed look which made the blonde defender huff.

"I don't like it." Leah denies.

"Kyra's a good kid, and they are cute together." Kim chides.

"Still don't like it." Leah mutters.

In the car park, y/n and Kyra were now in her car, Kyra fixing on some music as y/n slowly pulled out the two driving toward their usual coffee spot which they went to.

"Sorry to take you from Leah." Kyra said sheepishly and y/n shrugs.

"I don't mind Ky, I spend two nights with her anyway." y/n giggles. "Besides, I like spending time with you." She adds, pink heating her cheeks up.

"I like spending time with you too." Kyra says quietly, smiling softly as y/n pulls up in the parking space. The two get out heading into the coffee shop to order their drinks which are quickly given to them.

"Smile!" y/n calls, taking a photo of Kyra sat on the bench, she glares and whips out her own phone, y/n screeching as she tries to hide her face. "Stop, stop!" y/n calls, almost beggingly.

"Why?" Kyra asks. "I think you beautiful." She adds as she pockets her phone and y/n looks up at her. "Not as beautiful as me of course." Kyra hums and y/n laughs, moving over to shove her.

"Dork." y/n laughs and Kyra smiles, y/n's laugh making her feel like mush. "Come on, let's go get our snacks. I've got our chicken pasta ingredients already." She hums.

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y/n just posted on their story

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kyracooneyx just posted on her story

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The two had started movie nights a few months ago, making them a weekly thing after Kyra joined and y/n did her best to make her welcome.

The two had seen a creamy, chicken and spinach tagliatelle meal and made it that evening, the two making it every week together there after.

The plates now sat on the side, the two having completely licked them clean, and they sat close together, oversized hoodies on as they watched Friday Night Dinner, a TV show Kyra had found a lot of humour in.

y/n moved under the blanket, pushing herself closer to Kyra and onto the girl's shoulder, Kyra let out a breath and wrapped an arm around her pulling her closer.

"You're so warm." y/n hummed, as if she was a purring cat. Kyra giggled and lent back against the sofa arm, pulling y/n with her so the two were happily cuddling on the sofa.

"I really like this." Kyra said after a moment. y/n slides up slightly, so she could see her face, trying to decipher the words.

"Me too." She tells the Australian who watches her.

"I really like you." Kyra says after another moment. "Really like you." She adds and y/n smiles shyly.

"Really?" She asks and Kyra nods. "I really like you to." y/n hums, her fingers tucking a strand of Kyra's hair behind her ear. "Really like you." She adds.

Kyra grins, her eyes shining excitedly as she suddenly races forward, her forehead slightly bumping y/n's as she kissed her. y/n gasped, not expecting it but quickly sunk into the kiss. Ignoring the head bump from Kyra's enthusiasm.

The two held their lips together, hearts both beating nervously as they did so, their hands found each other and they held on tightly, pulling each other closer.

Kyra hummed happily into the kiss, having been waiting for it the moment she met y/n, and when they finally pulled away, Kyra couldn't help but run her fingers over y/n's lips.

"Cherry lip balm." Kyra whispers, y/n giggling softly.

"Thought it was appropriate when I first bought it." She admits and Kyra smiles, before gasping.

"Leah's going to kill me." She realises.

"Maybe." A voice says and the two turn to see Leah, spare key in hand and y/n's kit bag in the other.

"Oh shit." Kyra says.

"Definitely." Leah then says and Kyra screeches before throwing y/n back onto the sofa and sprinting toward her room.

"Leah no!" y/n tries but the blonde has already run after her.

"You break her I break you!"

°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。

y/n just posted on their close friends story

°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。

kyracooneyx just posted on her close friends story

°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。

uta (women) foordka: NO FUCKING WAY 😭😭😭

mccard: I CANNOT BELIEVE IT 😭

littlescott: so happy for you two trouble makers 😌

beffy: literally crying - i was so sick of the pining

thegoat: proud of you both!

beattiejuice: cuteeeeee!!! 😍😍

angelotte: aren't you two the sweetest

y/n: thank you all - however we won't be if leah keeps trying to kill her 😞

beffy: WHAT

mccard: hell no - I've waited too fookin long for this

foordka: we're on our way

catlady - but she has a dog: I'm already here 😎

y/n: i texted steph first - and she got here in fuckin moments it was crazy

littlescott: i'm omw too!

y/n just sent a photo

y/n: please come quick

thegoat: i'm going to bed...

°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。

private message from goonerno.1

goonerno.1: you're such a snitch

y/n: ...

goonerno.1: if she upsets you - if she even annoys you - you come to me okay?

y/n: love you lee xx

goonerno.1: love you too kiddo x

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END

Arsenal babies do your thing !!!! xoxo <3

758 notes · View notes

samkerrworshipper · 5 months

Text

revival | arsenal x reader

arsenal reader has been struggling more than she’d ever admit.. when it becomes to much she attempts to take her life but her teammates refuse to let her kill herself when she has so much more to live for.

warnings: do not read if you are triggered by suicide attempt, pill overdose, cutting, severe depression, angst, hurt/comfort

You didn’t know what had gotten you to this stage. Sitting on the bathroom floor of your apartment, staring down at an empty bottle of pills lying beside you on the floor. You weren’t sure exactly what had gotten you here, weren’t sure what switch had flicked in your brain this morning that had made you feel so positively broken from the inside out.

All you know is that right now you can feel deep purple, mauve and maroon bruises developing on your knees, from being hunched over the toilet bowl for so long.

Just when you begin to think that you’re empty, just when you think that there is nothing more that could be ripped away from you, you feel your muscles tense again as more bile is released.

Obviously, you knew the concoction of pills you took wouldn’t sit well, but you didn’t realise it would kick in this fast. You’d figured you’d have time to come to terms with the end of your life, or at least have time to scribble out a not.

But, all the pills you’d forced down your throat now resided in the toilet bowl, a mixture of stomach acid and medication pooling on the surface of the water.

It’s then that you make the decision that it’s time to take a different approach.

As you palm the metal blade, the cold sharp edge gently digging into your skin.

All you can think about is your team, your family, your home.

You think of the cold meal sitting on your kitchen bench.

At first, the metal burns, it stings and sears.

Almost as painful as the burning tears leaking down your cheeks.

Slowly, as more pressure is applied, your wrist is warmed by the pooling scarlett puddle dripping down onto the bright white tiles.

You’ve been sitting on the cold floor for way too long for your liking, your wrists pressed to the flooring to try and calm the burning sensation that’s spread all across your forearms.

If you try hard enough, you can convince yourself that the burning sensation is just another football injury.

You try and picture it, lying on the grass of a pitch, your arm throbbing with pain.

It only works for as long as your brain believes it, which is a total of ten seconds.

It’s been a long day, long week, long month, long year.

A long time pretending you're happy.

A long time try to convince everyone you’re happy.

A long time trying to persuade yourself that you’re happy.

A long time lying.

You’ve become so consumed with the lies that it’s hard to not be completely committed to them at this stage.

The only thing that reminds you of exactly where you are is the cold tiles against your arms, the warm blood and cold tiles mixing together like a thunderstorm.

The only sound to be heard across your apartment is the steady sound of blood dripping onto the tiles.

You think about your goodbyes, think about how this is the end, that you are content with this being it for you.

You’ve been at peace with this decision for a long while, longer than you’d ever care to admit.

It’s not really a decision for you, more like a losing battle.

In the last year, you’ve lost more of yourself than you thought possible, you don’t feel like you belong to yourself anymore, you don’t belong to yourself anymore. At one stage, a while ago, you loved yourself, you cared about yourself, you did your best to care. It hurt, feeling like you were no longer a owner of your body, maybe if you weren’t no longer classified as two different parts would you feel this way, or maybe it would make it harder, because maybe it wouldn’t feel like you were just getting rid of a body that you no longer belonged to, this was all to easy.

Your body was now something to be sold, something to be advertised, something to be purchased by the public.

You supposed that came from being a champion, being famous, being good at what you did.

Maybe, if you’d never become a famous soccer player none of this would have happened, you wouldn’t be lying on your bathroom floor, your vision slowly blurring and your blood leaking out steadily from your arms.

You walk towards the darkness, allowing it to embrace you as you slowly approach it without any resistance.

There was no fight for you, no hope or thoughts of redemption, this was your end, your demise, your final page, and that was okay.

You let the darkness completely cloud your vision, your body slowly being wrapped up by the accepting white light at the end of the tunnel.

It’s warm and comforting and you let your body rest, let it finally have the respite that it was so desperate for.

You felt yourself fade, far away with no intention of coming back.

You’d felt like you were gone, but you were brought back by more overwhelmingly white light in your vision.

Was this heaven?

Was this the end?

Was this it?

You were in pain, your head, your throat, your arms.

It was this thought that made you think you could be wrong.

Was this hell?

Or was the overwhelming white light just your bathroom tiles?

You cancelled out the tile idea, because you could feel your eyelids were closed, which meant that the white couldn’t be sourced from your home.

Your ears were ringing and as everything began to come back to you, it became terrifyingly clear that this could not be any of your previous assumptions.

Death wasn’t this painful, death wasn’t supposed to have any feeling.

Death didn’t feel like a warm bed and it definitely wasn’t consciousness.

This wasn’t the great beyond, this wasn’t the end, this was something else that you couldn’t quite pin down.

As your senses began to come back to you, your hearing and slowly your consciousness you began to become certain that whatever this was, it was not your end.

The sound of a constant machine beeping gave you an inkling as to where you might be, you just silently prayed that you were wrong, silently prayed that you would wake up in your red soaked tile bathroom and not a hospital.

You could clean up, try again.

You couldn’t handle being forced to recover, being forced to talk about your feelings.

It wasn’t something on your agenda, it wasn’t a part of your intricate demise.

You didn’t want to open your eyes, you weren’t even sure if you could, but you wanted to understand your situation, to understand what was happening.

So, you used every piece of your energy that was left, to every so slowly crack open your eyes.

It was more overwhelming white, that took a good deal of blinking to work through, but eventually, a blurry version of your surroundings began to appear in the corners of your eyes.

It confirmed your suspicions, you were in a hospital.

Which you hated, but you had also been prepared for, it made you feel insanely unaccomplished.

It took a lot of blinking and squinting for you to fully take in your surroundings.

The part that stumped you the most, and made you feel like you were hallucinating was the sea of red hoodies that were sitting, sleeping and lying around your room.

It was dark outside, the room was still lit up with machines and the bright white light from the corridor, but you figured that most of your teammates were fast asleep.

It was good, it gave you some extra time to take in your surroundings.

You were covered in cords and wires, your body completely moving even as you tried your very hardest.

Both of your wrists were bandaged tightly, to the point where you were completely unable to even wiggle your fingers.

It was daunting to you, the complete inability to do anything but lie in the bed and bear witness to your inability to do anything besides that.

Just as you were beginning to get truly distressed, one of the red blobs in your peripheral popped up out of their seat, making their way over to your bedside and tracing their hand over your one.

“Hey, ducky, it’s okay, I’ve got you, deep breaths. You’re okay.”

It’s Beth’s voice that hits your ears, and it has the reverse effect, making you more stressed out about the fact that she’s here witnessing this.

“Honey, it’s okay, big deep breaths for me, you’re okay.”

Beth’s hand moves up to your chest, your chest that is covered with a scratchy hospital gown.

“I shouldn’t be here, I-I-I’m supposed to be dead.”

Your words are croaky and chesty, almost unrecognisable but Beth manages to decipher them, and it almost brings tears to her eyes.

“Hey, hey, absolutely not. I thank every single god that you're here and awake right now, it is a miracle that you are here.”

This was not a miracle.

This was a fucking tragedy.

Beth’s face though, it was enough to send a deep pain to your stomach, deep guttural pain that hurt more than anything else.

“S-should be dead, wish I was dead.”

Beth’s face just drops, tears springing from her eyes and falling down onto the hospital sheets.

“Ducky, I promise you, we are all going to try our very hardest to make sure you never feel like that again. Get some more rest, we can sort this all out in the morning but you need your sleep, your body needs rest.”

You didn’t have energy to argue with Beth, so you nodded, relaxing back against the pillows and letting sleep and darkness return to the forefront of your brain.

When you awoke for the second time, it was less painful.

The sun was up this time, your room flooded with early sunbeams.

Overall the hospital was abuzz, to your extreme displeasure.

You were met with the eyes of some of your closest teammates, your words under the stars with Beth at the forefront of your mind as you looked at the extreme disappointment and sadness playing across their faces.

It hit home for you.

They all shared the same expression, all of you sharing the same situation that none of you wanted to be a part of.

“Hey Ducky, how are you feeling?”

Katie’s voice breaks the silence, her tone is full of emotion and you watch her mouth twitch to the side as she obviously tries her hardest to conceal the emotions that she is feeling.

“Like I wish I was dead.”

Nobody laughs, nobody says anything besides purse their lips and bite their tongues.

“We’re so glad you aren’t though, and we’re going to help you.”

We’re going to help you.

It’s five words, seven syllables, and the words that you least want to hear.

“Why couldn’t you just let me die?”

Your words manage to bring tears to the eyes of some of your teammates, you don’t care, all you can think about is the fact that someone, one of your teammates, had the fucking audacity to save you.

Leah’s the person to stand up, and take the same spot that Beth did last night, directly by your side, her hand resting on your own.

“Why didn’t I let you die? Why did I perform half an hour of chest compressions waiting for an ambulance whilst you bled out on your bathroom floor? Because you have a life that’s worth living, you have a gift for football, you are one of the brightest, happiest, smartest, best people I have ever met y/n, and this isn’t the end for you, it can’t be.”

You couldn’t meet Leah’s eyes, not with the knowledge that she had done this to you, she was the reason you were lying in a hospital bed instead of a coffin.

“You should have left me to die.”

Your words are broken, split in half by the knowledge that you were still fucking alive.

“You have a life worth living, kid, you’re only 21, there is so much more you have to give and I’ll be damned if this is it for you.”

You can’t meet any of your teammates' eyes, because it’s clear that they completely disagree with your actions, but there is still a part of you in your head telling you that everything would be better off if you were dead.

Your teammates wouldn’t have to pretend they care, they wouldn’t have too busy themselves with trying to save you from your impending death.

If you had any choice in it, you wouldn’t be this way.

If you could, you’d be happy and smiley, sweet, kind and soft. You’d be consistently happy, you would be the person smiling no matter what and someone easy to talk to, someone easy to love, someone that people wouldn’t let slip away.

You don’t have a choice though, this is who you are.

You are rough edges. You are a poorly labelled bottle of poison that people choke on as soon as they come into contact. You are a box of glass with a fragile sticker plastered all over and yet you still break, harming anyone who comes into contact.

When life gets hard, you quit.

There’s no way to explain why, everyone loves you until life is real and you need help, everyone is understanding until life isn’t pretty anymore.

You’ve never been loved through your lowest moments.

Never been loved when you can’t bring yourself to get out of bed, let alone shower.

Never been loved when the only thing that's playing in your head is how much you hate yourself.

Never been loved when the part of you that everyone loves suddenly dies.

Somedays, you are fairly certain that you are impossible to love. You don't know the kind of happiness love provides, you don’t know how to open up or trust, because no one ever loved you enough for that.

Other days, you remember that you are only 21, and maybe one day it won’t be this way.

You wish you were tender, you wished you were glowy and soft.

You wished you were Beth or Jen, always happy and ready to make anyone who was feeling down feel a little bit better.

“Why couldn’t you have just let me die?”

Your cheeks are practically drowning in tears, Leah reaches up to wipe them, you try to stop her but you instead moan in pain as the searing burn spreads backup your arms.

At the sound of your discomfort Leah is recoiling immediately, her hands falling down to your tightly wrapped arms and pressing them gently back down into the blankets.

“Hey, no, these need rest, you did some serious nerve damage, we won’t know the severity until you’ve got some strength back.”

Fuck.

“Nerve damage?”

Collateral damage had never crossed your mind, because you weren’t supposed to be alive right now, so why would collateral damage matter?

“Yeah, you could have severed or done some serious damage to your nerves, if they are cut then you’ll need a nerve replacement to regain the sensation.”

You blink a few times, staring up at the roof and willing the tears leaking down your face to fo away.

“I should have died.”

Leah, in all of her honesty, nods.

“Yeah, you should have. They had to pump your stomach to get rid of all the drugs you’d consumed, and you need 38 stitches and three pints of blood. You should be dead, but you aren’t and the fact that you aren’t is a fucking miracle.”

You wouldn’t call this a miracle, not from any point of view.

“When can I play again?”

You’re not sure if you’ll make it till that point, but it’s a question worth asking, there are big things coming up, on both a national and club level.

“Excuse me?”

Leah is shocked, and extremely taken aback by your question, so much so that she just stutters over her words.

Before she chokes on her words, Katie steps in.

“Kid, you almost died yesterday.”

You shrug, you figured it was a question worth asking, but Katie’s voice told you that to her it was a stupid question.

“A week? Two weeks? A month?”

You're grasping for something, trying to find the long straw in a pile of short ones.

“Kid, you tried to kill yourself, you almost succeeded, there are bigger things to focus on for you right now then getting on the pitch.”

A part of your brain disagrees so heavily.

“I have to go, they’ll take my passport and my licence and I’ll never be allowed to play again.”

All of the girls share knowing looks, but the general idea is that there is a general discomfort across the room.

“Ducky, look at me.”

It’s Katie’s strong Irish accent, the voice she uses when she’s captaining her national team that forces your eyes from the roof to meet her own.

“They can’t make you do anything, you need to be here right now. There is a treatment plan, you tried to kill yourself, you can’t just leave, it doesn’t work that way.”

Your brain is screaming inside of your skull, pounding against the bone and muscle.

“Jorge never let us take a break, he told us if we ever tried to leave that they would take all of our identification, and our licence to play, I have to play, I was born to play, it’s the only thing I have.”

Slowly, without the efforts of any of the girls, you are starting to unearth some of the serious problems you’ve been dealing with for the last little while, especially coming off of the world cup.

They’d all noticed the change, noticed how after your national teams win, how parts of you had changed.

They all had their assumptions, especially after what happened with Jenni Hermoso and after some conversations with some of their Spanish companions, but nobody could provide an explanation for what was happening behind closed doors.

It was no secret to any of your teammates that Jorge was your biggest critiquer, you and Mapi had tried sticking up to him at the beginning of his career with the Spanish team, and it had landed you both in deep water.

Mapi, had been intelligent enough to leave the toxic environment when it had become too much, when it had seriously begun to affect her mental health.

You however, were not as good at identifying your emotions, and taking care of them, you pushed yourself to the point of breakage, this was a perfect example of that.

“Ducky, Vilda is gone now, you don’t have to worry, I’ll call Alexia, she’ll understand and she’ll talk to them for you. You need a break sweetheart, you need to talk about why you're struggling, there are bigger things to focus on right now than your career.”

You couldn’t disagree more, you were in your prime, you didn’t have time to take a break.

You also didn’t have time to live, there was nothing that plagued your mind more than the idea of trying again, as soon as you could remove yourself from the conservatorship of your arsenal teammates.

“I need to leave, I want to be discharged.”

It’s an attempt at regaining some of your dignity, one that doesn’t last very long.

“You’re on a 72 hour psych hold, 24/7 supervision whilst you're recovering. Everyday you will see a psychologist and after the 72 hours they’ll deem if you are ready to leave, if they believe you can be trusted to leave then you’ll go home with Beth and Viv for the foreseeable future. For the first few weeks, you’ll be under complete supervision, you’ll see a therapist every few days and once you’ve made some serious progress we’ll look at getting you back into training.”

You forced yourself to take a deep breath, and a big gulp, trying to force down the lump that was prominent in your throat.

“You can’t do that, I don’t want to see a therapist, I don’t need to see a therapist.”

Most of the women in the room roll their eyes.

“Ducky, we’ve all been worried about you for weeks, but you refuse to talk to any of us, clearly something led to this and if you won’t talk to us about it you need to talk to a professional.”

You don’t want to admit that a part of you is secretly terrified of seeing a therapist, because what if they see right through you? What if all they see is all of your insecurities and imperfections, just as Jorge did?

“I can’t see a therapist, don’t wanna.”

Before Katie can speak, previously silent Viv stands up at her seat and joins the crowd around your bedside.

“I know it's scary, kid. I started seeing someone when I was around your age and struggling. It was so hard, it was terrifying. I didn’t want to admit I was struggling, and then one of my teammates caught me harming myself whilst having an anxiety attack. I had to go see one to play again, and it sucked to start with, but it helped me so much, we all just want the best for you, and you need help, there is nothing wrong with accepting that.”

The remaining women sitting in the room stand up, surrounding your bedside.

Beth, Leah, Katie, Caitlin, Lia, Kim, Steph, Viv, Jen, Laura and Lotte.

It’s a crowd, and the taller girls have to stand behind because they don’t all fit, and even if they aren’t directly hugging you, you are overwhelmed with the amount of love radiating off of them, it’s too much.

“No-no, I can’t do this, you guys can’t do this to me. There is nothing wrong with me, I’m fine, I’m fucking fine.”

It’s clear that none of them believe you, you expect them to step back, but they don’t.

“No you’re not liefje, people who seriously try to take their lives are not okay. You don’t have to be, we’re all here to support you, you just need to let us, let us be here for you, let us be a shoulder for you to cry on.”

Your breaths shudder, you can’t meet any of their eyes, it hurts you to know that they all think this of you.

“I didn’t mean to.”

It’s a lie that you push out, you're trying to find anything to argue about, anything to distract from what was actually happening.

“Ducky, it would be okay if you did. You’ve been struggling and it’s understandable. All we want from now on is for you to be honest with us, no judgement, just tell us what you are feeling.”

Beth’s voice is so soft, you almost want to give in, but Vilda is in your head, screaming at you for being weak and vulnerable after passing out on the pitch after playing with the flu, and your reminded once again that there isn’t space in the world for people like you to have feelings.

“I want you to fucking believe me when I tell you that I am fine and stop suffocating me.”

All of the women share looks above your head, and somehow, telepathically, majority of them sag off from the huddle, leaving you room.

You're left with the main group of girls who have been controlling the situation.

Viv, Beth, Leah, Kim and Katie.

“liefde, you clearly aren’t fine. Whatever it is, you can talk to us, we’re here for you, whatever you need.”

It shouldn’t cause you to break down, but the pain in your heart and the look in Viv’s eyes sends you barrelling over a very high cliff.

You're sobbing, and struggling to breathe, blood rushing to your ears and preventing you from feeling anything besides the deep depression that has been building up in you for years now.

It hits you like a double decker bus.

Before you can really start to panic though, someone is climbing onto the bed beside you, bringing you into their lap and arms and embracing you.

“It’s okay ducky, we’ve got you, you’re safe with us.”

The sweet nothings are murmured lowly into your ear, the genuinity continuing until the mixture of a mental breakdown and panic attack subside and you’re just a tired, pained mess.

“M’ sorry.”

Your words are hummed into the chest of whoever has climbed in beside you in the hospital bed.

“You’ve got nothing to be sorry for, do you want to talk about it?”

The long answer is no, you don’t want to talk about any of it, but you can’t help the sense that a part of you might feel a little bit better if you let something off your chest.

“Talk about what?”

It’s a genuine question, because there is so much happening in your brain that you aren’t even sure where to start.

“Whatever you’d like.”

You think that’s a stupid statement, because for all Leah knows you could want to talk about the weather, and that doesn’t seem particularly helpful.

“Jorge?”

It seems like starting with the source of your problems probably saves yourself from a lot of beating astound the bush.

“If that’s what you want, ducky, we’re all just here to listen to you, no matter what it is.”

You peak your head out of Leah’s sweater, and you’re met with the supportive faces of the four other women sitting around your bedside.

“When I started for him I was 16. For a long while, the older girls shielded me from him, Mapi and Jenni especially. But my young innocence only lasted so long, when I was 19, he did some really fucked up things, that was when he changed. Mapi, Claudia, Patri and I were the ones who spoke out, and it was the right thing to do, but it put a target on our backs immediately, especially with Alexia out with her ACL injury and unable to support us all. He was so mean to us all, always criticising, never giving us breaks, running us till we were sick or injuring ourselves. He used to wake us up at 2am in the morning to go running because he said we were getting lazy. It was around then that they all signed the statement to withdraw, and I would have loved to do it with them, but I just couldn’t. It only got worse from there for me, especially during the world cup, I was having panic attacks everyday and he couldn’t have cared less. All he did was push me, to the point where Alexia had to mind me everyday because of how bad I was getting.”

You took a deep breath, you wouldn’t allow yourself to look at them, not right now, not until you were done.

“That was when I started to think about killing myself. It wasn’t because I don’t love my life and my friends, but, Jorge was devoting his life to making mine a living hell, and nobody wants that. He never had anything nice to say to me, always criticism, always negativity. Then we won, and none of it mattered, but then there was everything in the press, and I was being slaughtered for all of it because apparently I was enabling his abuse, and I can’t handle that, I can’t handle being told that I enabled abuse that I was dealt for years, maybe I should have told someone, but who? All of the physios, all the doctors, they all worked for him, nobody was going to turn on him. He created an environment where all of us girls were miserable and competing against each other for no reason.”

Leah stopped you with a bone crushing hug.

They’d all heard stories about the Spanish Women’s team, speculation, rumours, hearsay.

But hearing first hand experience from their teammate, somebody they loved, it killed them all on the insides, because how could someone treat their ducky like that? How could someone be so horrible?

“Thank you for trusting us to tell us that ducky. You didn’t deserve any of that, nobody does. From now on, we’re all here for you, you don’t have to hide it all, no more hiding, we’re here for you every step of the way.”

You try your hardest to believe Leah, but it’s a uphill battle, especially when your brain is conditioned to think she is lying.

Leah seemed to notice how spent you were, your body completely relaxed against her, your state near catatonic.

“Get some sleep ducky, we’ve got you, I promise we’ll do everything to make sure you never feel like this again.”

When Leah says it, you believe her, because there is one thing that your mind can’t betray you about, and that is that Leah, and all the other women surrounding you would do anything to protect you, and to make sure that you felt loved, to make up for the lack that you’d been experiencing for the last while.

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