#maeve looks happy i’m glad for her

[feyroon]

meme draw over because i saw someone else’s and it made me think of fc5 for some reason

#i added hurk because i missed him #maeve looks happy i’m glad for her #fc5 #far cry 5 #fc5 oc #far cry 5 oc #hope county #hurk drubman jr #hurk x maeve #deputy maeve holly #meme #meme drawover #eden’s gate #the seed family

[fortheloveofwonderland]

Me & You & Everyone We Know | 12 | S.R

Not my gif

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Chapter Summary - Spencer and Maeve get into a heated argument moments before Daisy’s birthday party in which Spencer is finally forced to face his real feelings over his ex. You overhear more than you bargained for.

A/N - I don’t know if it was ever stated how old the Simmons kids were, if it was I certainly wasn’t paying attention. This was a guess.

Pairing - Single Dad! Spencer Reid / Fem! Reader

Category - hurt/comfort, angst with happy ending, smut minors DNI.

Warnings - swearing, drinking, talk of cheating, arguing, confessed feelings, overheard conversations, tears, drunk Spencer, vomit, mommy JJ to the rescue.

WC - 5.8k

Chapter 12 - Let it Hurt

Seven forty two in the morning,

Eight seconds before it all sinks in.

Put your best face on for the world,

Fake another smile and just pretend.

But you're just puttin' off the pain,

Nothing's ever really gonna change.

Spencer arrived at Rossi’s early and spent the entire morning slaving over decorations and readying the house for the onslaught of teenagers due to descend upon Rossi’s pristine mansion this afternoon. 

He was exhausted before the party even started. 

He hung banners and streamers from almost every inch of the ceiling. He set up a large table that took up most of his yard with food and paper plates. 

Rossi restocked his fridge with soda bottles from the garage and beers and wine for the adults. 

Spencer wrapped a ridiculous amount of presents, the divorced parent guilt making him spend an exuberant amount of money on his eldest daughter. 

JJ arrived a few hours before the party and rewrapped them all as she told him they looked like the dog had done it. 

They had around a half hour to spare once the house was set up. Rossi had retreated to his study to recoup before his house was flooded with teens. 

Spencer and JJ sat in his backyard, JJ indulging in a glass of wine while he had one small scotch just to take the edge off. 

He could see her staring at the side of his face while he sipped from the tumbler and eventually he sighed and turned to look at her.

“What?”

“You’re nervous.” She had that knowing glint in her eye. 

“You becoming a profiler was the worst thing that ever happened to me, do you know that?” His words caused her to laugh. 

“And now you’re deflecting.” She smugly sipped her wine. 

“My ex-wife and her boyfriend are going to be here today. My ex-wife who I haven’t spent more than a few minutes with since she moved out of our home. Of course I’m nervous. I’m kinda glad we decided to do it here actually, I couldn’t imagine her spending that much time in my house. The house she destroyed with her betrayal.” He finished his scotch but it didn’t help the way he’d hoped. 

“Has it ever occurred to you to move?” She cocked an eyebrow at him, regarding him curiously.

“I’ve been thinking about it a lot lately.” He confessed with another sigh. “I thought painting would help. I thought about asking Morgan to help me just gut the place. But changing the facade isn’t going to erase the memories that house holds.” 

“A fresh start would be good for you all. Especially with your blossoming new relationship.” JJ wiggled her eyebrows suggestively, leaning over and nudging his shoulder with her own.

“I don’t know about that.” He shook his head. “I don’t think it’s going to last with Y/N.”

“But she’s coming to the party? She’s going to meet your kids?” 

“Yeah that might have been an error in judgement.” He scratched the back of his neck. “I don’t want it to end, it’s not like I actively want this to fall apart.” 

“So why do you think it's going to?” She frowned at him. 

“I’ve done the family thing. I don’t want to do it again.” He sighed deeply. “I told her I wasn’t sure if I’d ever want anymore kids but that wasn’t true. Jennifer, I don’t want more kids. Not now, not ever. I love Daisy and Lily with all my heart but I don’t want anymore. I don’t want to get married again, I don’t want any of it. I am crazy about her and I would happily spend the rest of my life with her. But marriage and more kids aren’t in my future. But they are in hers.” 

“Shit,” she sipped her wine. “Shit.” 

“Yeah.” He groaned, reaching across and grabbing her glass from her hand. 

She let him take it and watched him down the entire glass in one. 

“You don’t like white wine.” She rolled her eyes. 

“I do not.” He pulled a face as he swallowed. “That was disgusting.” 

“You’ve gotta talk to her, you know? Probably before she meets your daughters.” 

“That’s gonna be kinda hard don’t you think? What am I meant to do just wait by the door for her to arrive and turn her away? God I’ve fucked up, I need another drink.” He pushed himself up and JJ was quick to do the same. 

Before he could pass her towards the kitchen she grabbed his arm. 

“That is not a good idea.” She tugged him back. “You’re about to host a birthday party for your daughter, do you really want to be drunk for that?” 

“Yes?” He pulled a face with a shrug. 

“Trust me when I say you don’t.” She chuckled. “Maybe once the party is over and the kids have gone back to Maeve’s, but not right now.” 

He heaved a large sigh which told her he conceded even if he wasn’t happy about it. 

“Will you get drunk with me after the party?” He asked a little meekly. 

“Sounds like a date.” She smiled at him. “I’m sure we can even get the others on board.” 

“That would be good, I need that.” He nodded just as the doorbell rang. 

He checked his watch and frowned as he still had fifteen minutes until people were supposed to show up. 

“Why are people always early?” He grumbled, heading to the back door but once again JJ stopped him with a hand on his shoulder. 

When he turned back to her she was proffering a packet of mints his way with a small smile.

“You don’t want Maeve or the kids smelling wine on your breath.” She deposited one in his hand.

He nodded his thanks and popped the mint in his mouth as he continued through the back door and towards the front. 

When he opened the door she was smiling at him over a cake which was at least four times the size of his head. 

“You’re early.” He grumbled, stepping aside to let his ex in Rossi’s house. 

“I wanted to see what you’d done before the party kicked off.” Maeve followed him inside. 

“Didn’t trust me to throw my own kid a birthday party?” He huffed as they headed to the kitchen where JJ was fussing over some food in the oven. 

“Can we not do this today?” Maeve sighed as she set the cake on the counter. 

“Do what?” 

“The passive aggressiveness. Can you just take one day off from hating me so we can celebrate our daughter's birthday?” 

Spencer was going to argue, Maeve knew it and JJ knew it too. JJ came around the kitchen island and stood between the two of them. 

“Where is the birthday girl?” JJ intervened before Spencer could say anything. “Spence, take the cake out to the yard.” 

Spencer huffed like a child, JJ half expected him to stamp his foot. But he did as he was told and picked up the cake, retreating back outside. 

“Bobby took the girls for ice cream. They're going to head over in a bit. She actually believes we aren’t doing anything for her on her birthday.” Maeve giggled. JJ did not.

JJ not so secretly harboured a lot of ill will towards Maeve for the pain she’d caused her best friend. She didn’t try to hide it, didn’t try to pretend to like her. 

Even if Spencer wouldn’t admit how much Maeve’s infidelity had hurt him JJ could see right through him. And so she didn’t try to make a habit of hiding her disdain towards the other woman. 

“Ok.” She replied, heading back towards the oven to put another batch of party food inside. 

Maeve looked around uncomfortably, half wishing she’d come with Bobby and the girls and not on her own. Perhaps this whole party had been a terrible idea. 

Nonetheless she found herself gravitating towards the yard where Spencer was straightening place settings that didn’t need straightening just to avoid going back in the house and talking to her. 

He heard her step out onto the deck but refused to look up, instead kept focused on the table.

“The place looks great, Daisy is really going to love it.” She didn’t dare come closer, staying firmly on the decking.

“Glad you approve.” He scoffed. 

“Spencer,” Maeve sighed. “Is it too much to ask for you to be civil for one day?” 

His eyes suddenly snapped up at her, his movements halting. 

“Was it too much to ask my wife not to cheat on me?” He bit back. 

“I don’t know what else I can say for you to see how sorry I am. I tried to fix things, you’re the one who kicked me out. You’re the one who didn’t want to work on things.” 

“What was there to work on?” He raised his voice. “You were fucking another man behind my back for three years, Maeve! You really think we could have come back from that?” 

“I hurt you, I get it. And I am sorry for that, but at some point you have to get over it, Spencer!” 

“You didn’t hurt me.” He rolled his eyes. “You hurt Daisy. You hurt Lily. You didn’t hurt me.” 

The raised voices caught JJ’s attention. She sighed to herself as she set the oven timer, rounded the island once more and headed for the back door ready to break this up before the kids arrived. 

She got halfway across the kitchen when she heard a tentative knock at the front door. She glanced back towards it before looking back at Spencer and Maeve. 

Hopefully they could refrain from murdering each other while she answered the door. 

With any luck it would be Will and the boys and hopefully Henry and Michael could cheer up their uncle Spencer. 

She padded through the house towards the door as another gentle knock sounded. She unlocked it and opened it to see a slightly frightened young woman on the front porch. 

You rolled your lip between your teeth as you took in the stunning blonde opening David Rossi’s front door. 

Oh jeez, is that his ex? He never mentioned her being so pretty, you mentally cringed. 

She smiled a beautiful and heart stopping smile at you as she held the door open. 

“You must be Y/N?” She beamed, stepping aside. “Come in, please. Spence is in the backyard.” 

Your stomach was coiling into knots as you entered the house, feeling sick about this whole situation. Your hands shook at your sides. 

“It’s so nice to meet you, I’ve heard so much about you.” Her bright blue eyes sparkled and you felt utterly intimidated.

“You…you have?” 

“Of course! Spencer can’t stop talking about you.” She laughed. “I’m JJ by the way.” 

You felt the lead weight in your chest loosen, like you could breathe freely again. 

JJ, she’s JJ. His friend from the BAU, not his ex-wife. Thank god.

“JJ! Sorry yes, Spencer has told me about you too. I’m sorry I thought you were his ex and it threw me a little.” You laughed too. “It’s so nice to…”

You trailed off when the sound of a woman yelling filtered through the house from the backyard. You and JJ exchanged a look as the shouting continued. 

“Uh, that’s his ex.” JJ sighed. “Excuse me, I should see what’s going on.” 

You watched JJ flee towards the back of the house and without really meaning to you followed her. Through the large open back doors you could see Spencer and his ex-wife in mid standoff. 

His back was rigid, his face was bright red, the vein in his forehead pushing wildly and he had his hands clenched into fists. 

Maeve didn’t look any more composed than he did, steam practically coming out of her ears. 

“I swear to god, Spencer, you are such a child sometimes!” Maeve yelled, throwing her arms in the air. 

“I’m a child? I’m a child?” He spat. 

You and JJ stayed in the kitchen, JJ not wanting to get in the middle of this but also not wanting things to get any worse. 

“Yes! You act like you’re fine and that my affair meant nothing to you but then you can’t be civil towards me for even a second. If it really meant so little to you then why do you have to behave like this?” 

“Fine,” he snapped like a frayed cord. “You hurt me, is that what you want to hear?”

“I didn’t say that.” Maeve sighed loudly. “I just wish you would-” 

“I would what? You wish I would, what? You hurt me, ok? You really fucking hurt me.” He cut her off, the pain she’d caused evident in his voice to all three of you. 

Your stomach tightened again, not wanting to be privy to this conversation and clearly neither did JJ. 

Maeve looked away from him, somewhere across the garden and her shoulders slumped. 

“I…I’m sorry Spencer.” She lowered her voice. 

“It’s too late for that. I loved what we had, I loved you! And you hurt me more than I ever thought it possible to be hurt. Are you happy now?” He shook his head angrily. “I wanted to pretend that you didn’t cut me up inside with what you did because it was easier to deal with. I act like I only care that you hurt the girls because if I have to dwell on the fact the love of my life was cheating on me for three years I may never make it out of bed in the morning! 

Goddamnit Maeve, you fucking broke me. You broke me, ok? I will never be the same because of what you did to me. So I’m passive aggressive towards you because if I’m not I might just break down every time I have to look at you. You broke me. You broke my heart.” 

As he said that you felt your own heart breaking. In your peripheral vision you saw JJ looking at you but you were staring right at the side of Spencer’s face. 

And when his first tear escaped, so did your own. 

“Y/N, I-” 

“It’s fine. I’m fine.” You cut JJ off. “I should go.” 

You turned on your heels away from the back door the second Spencer glanced away from Maeve. He saw JJ staring at him in disbelief first and then he saw the back of your retreating head. 

“Y/N?” He wiped his eyes. “Y/N!” 

He started after you and you quickened your pace through the house, desperate to get out of here before having him confront you. 

But of course he caught up with you, just before you reached the front door you felt his hand around your wrist. 

When he tugged you back to face him it was impossible to hide the fact you were crying. 

“Y/N I…I didn’t mean for you to hear that.” He rolled his lip between his teeth guiltily.

“But I did hear it.” You sniffed. “I’m never going to be her am I?” 

“It’s not like that.” He shook his head. “My feelings towards her are complicated. This whole thing is complicated.” 

“Let me uncomplicate it then Spencer. I’m taking myself out of this equation. I’m walking away.” You wiped your eyes on the back of your hand. 

“Please don’t do that. Let’s just talk about this, please?”

“There’s nothing to talk about. We want different things and you have very unresolved feelings for your ex. There is nothing left to say, Spencer. We don’t have the same idea of the future and maybe that’s because you can’t see yourself being with anyone but Maeve and I get it, you were together a long time. I just wish you’d been honest with me from the start. I wish I hadn’t had to witness the love of my life telling another woman she was his.” You turned away from him again to the door and threw it open. 

“Y/N, just wait please I can…” he trailed off seeing a gaggle of teenagers skulking up Rossi’s driveway towards the house.

With everything going on he had almost forgotten about the party. 

It allowed you to make a break, weaving between the kids on the driveway and Spencer couldn’t stop you. 

He plastered on a smile and welcomed Daisy’s school friends to Rossi’s home whilst watching you disappear. 

And there was absolutely nothing he could do about it. 

***

He watched Daisy and the beautiful, bright smile on her face from the kitchen window, arms folded across his chest and just trying to drink it all in. 

The teens had the run of Rossi’s backyard, the adults relegated to the house to allow them some freedom. Music blared from a series of smart speakers which Spencer had no idea how they worked. 

But the kids seemed to enjoy it. 

Daisy was sitting on the edge of the pool, a blonde girl sitting by her side as they chatted and the smile that encompassed his daughter's face told him that girl was Meredith aka the most popular girl at Daisy’s school.

He tried to ignore the way his blood froze in his veins due to the fact his fourteen year old little girl was wearing a bathing suit with teenage boys in the vicinity. 

Her cast had been removed a few days ago, just in time for the party. He was glad she’d healed but also kind of wished she’d had it in a little longer and then at least she might not have been able to swim and therefore wouldn’t be in a damn bathing suit. 

It only really occurred to him as he watched her how grown up she had become. In his mind's eye she was still a little girl, the same little girl who loved ponies and came running to her dad when she was hurt. 

Lily still did, still looked at him like he hung the moon. But it wouldn’t be long before she was a teenager too and pushing her dad away. 

He still remembered the day Daisy was born as though it could have only been yesterday and now she was turning fourteen. She’d be going off to college in the blink of an eye, moving out and forging her own life. And surely it wouldn’t be all that long before Lily was doing the same.

He’d been a father for so long now he didn’t know what he would do with himself when they grew up and he became obsolete. Who was Spencer Reid without his girls? 

He continued watching his eldest daughter, partly because he wanted to feel included in her life and partly because he was avoiding Maeve like the plague. 

He felt a presence enter the kitchen and he prayed that it wasn’t his ex. His company sidled up next to him and he glanced at them, breathing a sigh of relief that it wasn’t Maeve. 

“Is it too much to ask to keep them young forever?” Spencer spoke wistfully, looking back at his daughter.

“Tell me about it,” Matt chuckled dryly. “My eldest is twelve now and I just can’t comprehend how that happened.” 

“I swear it was just yesterday I was bringing her home from the hospital.” 

“Yeah I know that feeling.” Matt patted Spencer’s shoulder. “Just be grateful for the time you still have with Lily before she becomes a teenager too.” 

The tone in Matt’s voice was almost pitiful and Spencer turned away from the window to look at him. 

“You spoke to JJ.” He frowned at the older man. 

“She might have mentioned an altercation.” Matt shrugged. “I assume that’s why you’re avoiding Maeve more than usual.” 

“My daughter's birthday was not the place I imagined my repressed feelings coming to the surface.” He sighed. “Not that I imagined them ever doing so.”

“And in front of your girlfriend too. That’s rough.” Matt offered him a sympathetic smile. 

“I’m almost positive she’s not going to be my girlfriend after today.” 

“Oh man, I’m sure you’ll-”

“Dad!” Daisy’s slightly frustrated voice cut Matt off. 

Spencer spun around to face his daughter who was now in the kitchen, hands on her hips and glaring at her father.

“What is it, pumpkin?” 

Daisy’s cheeks flushed pink and she glanced to her side where the blonde girl was standing, giggling under her breath. 

“Gross, don’t call me that.” Daisy rolled her eyes. 

Spencer pouted, her harsh tone hitting him straight in the chest. He’d called both of his girls pumpkin since they were babies and Daisy had never minded before. 

“Uh…what’s up, Daisy?” He tried again. 

“Can you change the music? My friends don’t want to listen to this old man stuff.” She huffed in such a sassy way Spencer wasn’t even sure he recognised this girl as his daughter. 

He frowned, tuning his ears into the music and noting a Frank Sinatra classic was playing through the speakers. 

It was a great song, but probably not to a fourteen year old. 

“I’ll sort it.” Matt spoke with a smile. 

“Thanks uncle Matt.” Daisy smiled at him before the two girls turned and started back towards the yard.

Spencer watched the blonde link her arm through Daisy’s as they walked.

“Your uncle is so hot.” Meredith’s voice carried towards them. 

Spencer grimaced and Matt chuckled. Spencer shot him a look. 

“What?” Matt shrugged. “I can’t help it.” 

As the two girls headed into the yard, Meredith’s voice met their ears again.

“Your dads kinda creepy though. He’s been watching us through the window for ages.” 

“I know right.” Daisy replied. 

Spencer slapped the palm of his hand against his forehead and grumbled under his breath. 

“This is the worst goddamn day of my life.” Spencer groaned. 

Matt laughed again and clapped a hand on his shoulder. 

“No one ever said raising a teenager was easy.” 

“No kidding.” Spencer mumbled, following on Matt’s heels as he went to change the music. 

***

Two hours passed and the teens had well and truly taken over Rossi’s yard. The older man spent most of the day in the armchair in the corner of the grand living room sipping scotch and trying to pretend the kids weren’t going to destroy his house. 

Spencer kept himself out of the kitchen, not wanting his daughter or her friends to see him as creepy as Meredith had so kindly labelled him. 

Instead every fifteen minutes he sent another member of the BAU to the kitchen for something innocuous so they could subtly check on the teens.

Maeve kept her distant but he still caught her looking his way every so often. He tried to ignore her the best he could, knowing no good could come of talking to her. 

Lily flitted about the room, dividing her time between her parents and all her aunts and uncles as Daisy had strictly told her mother that Lily was not allowed anywhere near her party. 

He excused himself from the room after a while and headed upstairs to make a call. He knew you wouldn’t answer but it didn’t stop him trying.

As expected he got your voicemail and left a long rambling message about how sorry he was for what you’d overheard and how he wanted to explain. He begged you to call him back but wouldn’t be surprised if you didn’t. 

When he was about to head back downstairs, he saw her heading his way and he honestly wanted to throw himself over the railing and straight into Rossi’s marbled floor below. 

Anything was better than talking to her. 

“Daisy wants her cake and I knew you wouldn’t want to miss it.” Maeve had her hands in the pockets of her summer dress and she shrugged her shoulders.

“Ok, thanks. I was just coming.” He nodded. 

“No sarcastic response? No passive aggressive comment?” Maeve frowned. 

Spencer sighed loudly, shaking his head. 

“I’m so tired, Maeve.” He ran his tongue along his bottom lip. “I am exhausted with it all. I can’t keep fighting all the time.” 

Her frown deepened. She was fairly sceptical, and with good reason. For the last year all Spencer had wanted to do was fight, he almost seemed to enjoy it. 

“You don’t want to fight?” 

“I don’t have the energy to fight.” He shrugged. “We’re never going to be friends or anything like that, but I’m not fighting anymore. It takes too much out of me. You’re the mother of my children, you’re always going to be a part of my life whether I like it or not.” 

“I appreciate that.” Maeve softened, smiling gently. 

“It’s not for your benefit.” He scoffed. 

“Well that was short lived.” Maeve rolled her eyes, turning away from him and heading towards the staircase. 

“I’m trying.” He called after her, stopping her in her tracks. “I’m not saying it’s going to change overnight but I am trying.” 

She didn’t turn back to him, but she nodded her head as she started down the stairs. 

***

“This has honestly been the worst day ever.” Spencer slurred slightly, waving his glass around and spilling some of the contents over his shirt sleeve. 

“Should we cut him off?” Luke whispered to Penelope who was sitting on his left. 

The party had been over hours ago and all the children had since left, leaving Spencer and his old BAU team to drink in Rossi’s trashed yard. 

Daisy had a wonderful birthday and that was the most important thing to Spencer. The second most important thing was the fact he had royally messed things up with you. 

The moment he’d seen Daisy and Lily off with their mother he’d poured himself a giant glass of scotch in lieu of going home alone. Taco was at the kennel for the night so he had no need to go home.  

At this point he was well over half way through the bottle.

“I think he needs this.” Garcia shrugged sadly. 

“I fucked up with Y/N. She’s never going to talk to me again! What the fuck was I thinking?” He groaned loudly, splashing more alcohol down himself as he gesticulated. 

“It was probably time you finally faced your feelings over your divorce, kid.” Rossi sipped his drink. “Divorce is hard, it’s a shit thing to go through. Trust me, I would know.” 

“You know what’s dumb though? Really fucking dumb considering I’m supposed to be a genius?” He paused to sip his drink. “I honestly didn’t think I was in love with Maeve. Not until she told me she’d cheated. And it felt like my whole fucking world crumbled around me.” 

At least he had stopped crying. For at least an hour he’d sobbed and JJ, Garcia, Emily and Tara took turns holding him while he wept. 

They would all take him angrily ranting over crying any day. 

“Have you considered seeing a therapist?” Tara threw out the question on everyone’s lips. 

“What would I do that for?” He frowned, trying to focus on her but his eyes were misty from the alcohol. 

“Clearly you have a lot of unresolved issues.” Tara replied and that was putting it nicely. “I think talking to a therapist will really help.” 

“No, not gonna happen.” He was scrambling to get out of the lawn chair and failing miserably. 

JJ rolled her eyes and got up, wrapping her arm around his waist and helping him to his feet. 

“Where are you trying to go?” She asked, keeping an arm around him in case he fell over. 

“I…I don’t know.” He pouted. 

“May I suggest bed?” Emily piped up. “Sleep it off Reid.” 

“Yeah I’ve got plenty of room.” Rossi waved a hand in the general direction of the house. 

“Hmm good idea.” He nodded, leaning his weight against JJ. Seconds later he pulled away, his face drained of colour. “Oh fuck…gonna puke.” 

Maybe it was her mothering instinct but JJ jumped into action and managed to speedily help Spencer inside to the kitchen sink, just in time for him to violently spill his guts. 

The sounds emanating from him echoed around the room and into the yard. JJ stroked his back soothingly while he vomited profusely. 

“I think that’s my cue to leave.” Matt downed his drink and stood up.

The rest of the team silently agreed, finishing their own drinks and meandering into the house. 

Rossi saw them off, Matt and Tara who had only indulged in one drink each got in their cars while Garcia, Luke and Emily shared a cab toward their own homes. 

Spencer spent a long time being sick in the sink before he finally stood back and JJ handed him a glass of water. He leant against the counter and sipped it slowly. 

Rossi had taken his leave to bed, not much wanting to clean up after Spencer. 

“I’m sorry. You really don’t have to look after me.” He grumbled. 

“But I’m gonna do it anyway.” She smiled at him. “Let me help you upstairs. I think I’ll stay the night too. I don’t feel comfortable leaving you like this.” 

She thought he might argue but he honestly didn’t have the strength to. Instead he heaved a sigh and nodded. 

He finished the water and JJ aided him to one of Rossi’s guest rooms with an arm around his waist. He flopped to the bed fully dressed and on top of the covers. 

He was asleep within seconds. 

JJ quietly retreated from the room and made her way to the other guest bedroom whilst sending Will a text to let him know she wouldn’t be home. 

She got into bed, her heart aching for her best friend. She’d never seen him like this before, not even in the aftermath of Maeve’s affair. 

She’d always known it would come bubbling to the surface one day, pain needed to be felt one way or another. But now he’d unlocked that particular box she feared he may never come back from it. 

The beast had been unleashed and if Spencer didn’t find a healthy way to cope with his demons, she knew it would ultimately be his demise.

***

When Spencer finally surfaced around midday he looked about as bad as JJ expected him to. He still wore yesterday's clothes, now wrinkled from being slept in. 

She’d spent the morning helping Rossi clean his house of the mess from the party and both of them were sipping coffee at the kitchen island when Spencer emerged.

“Morning, how are you feeling?” JJ asked. 

He went straight to the sink, poured a glass of water and downed it in one before he could speak. 

“Like I drank an entire brewery, screamed at my ex-wife and destroyed my relationship.” He croaked. “Pretty impressive for one night.” 

“I know this isn’t what you’re gonna want to hear but you’ve been bottling up your feelings for Maeve for over a year, it was bound to come out.” Rossi shrugged. 

Spencer grumbled a little, padding to the chair on the other side of the counter and slumping into it. 

“You know I sometimes still picture her at the house.” He sighed deeply. “Like I close my eyes and I can sense her you know? Hear her in the kitchen when I come home from work, hear her reading to the girls, taking a shower or whatever. Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night because I swear I can smell her shampoo on the pillow.” 

JJ reached across the counter and placed her hand on top of his as his eyes glazed over with tears. She didn’t talk and so he continued. 

“I did love her, I still do. I don’t want to be with her anymore, not after what she did. But I miss her. I miss the life we used to have. But it makes me feel so stupid admitting as much when she made me feel like our life together meant nothing.” He dislodged his hand from under JJ’s and raked his fingers through his knotted hair. “I really messed up with Y/N. There’s no coming back from this.” 

“You’ll figure it out. You’re a genius after all.” She smiled softly at him. “You ok to drive home?” 

“Yeah I’ll be fine. Thanks for letting me throw the party here Dave and for letting me crash.” 

“No problem, kid. Get home safe.” 

JJ and Spencer got to their feet and said their goodbyes to Rossi. They headed to their cars but before they went their separate ways he threw his arms around her. 

He held her for a long few minutes, trying to communicate without the use of words just how much her friendship meant to him. 

Eventually he let go and they got into their respective cars. 

Spencer drove out and collected Taco from the kennel before making the pilgrimage out to his home in the suburbs. 

Once he got home he forced himself to shower and change even though his head was pounding from last night's alcohol. Something had to give. He couldn’t keep living like this. 

His alcohol use was becoming unhealthy and it was a slippery slope into addiction, as he knew all too well. 

After he was dressed he collected every single bottle of alcohol in his house and without a second thought he poured it all down the drain. Out of sight, out of mind. 

He fed Taco and let him play in the yard while he sat in his office with a large mug of coffee. He switched on his computer and started Googling realtors in the area. 

He knew he’d never be able to move on whilst living in this house. He didn’t want to go far, didn’t want to pull his girls out of their school and away from their friends but he couldn’t stay in this place any longer. 

He sent off some emails enquiring about having his home valued and specifications of what he was looking for in a new house. 

He knew he needed to go out but he was purposefully putting it off, finding anything to distract himself from what he needed to do. 

He even sat and watched Taco roam the yard for at least half an hour, just to avoid the inevitable. 

But he needed to do this. He needed to face this. 

Eventually, several hours after he arrived home, he forced his feet in his shoes and grabbed his car keys. Hopefully Taco wouldn’t cause too much of a nuisance while he was gone. 

He jumped in his car and started his journey into DC, knowing full well that nothing he could say would make this better. 

It was time to face the music. 

@andiebeaword @dreatine @matthew-gray-gubler-lover @people-whatabunchofbastards @justreadingficsdontmindme @spencer-reid-wonderland @thebloomingeagle @foxy-eva @kbakery @simxican @aysixdy @givemeth @loonalockley @shamelessfangirl-3 @redbulldinner @derekm24 @pinkiceee-prose @werewolfbansheelove @mindbelova @angelicasworld

#spencer reid #spencer reid fanfiction #spencer reid fanfic #spencer reid smut #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid x fem! reader #spencer reid x you #spencer reid x y/n #criminal minds #criminal minds fanfiction

[lovelyladyabsinthewrites]

My hc as being the daughter of SB and sister to HL:

Soldier Boy/Daughter

His feelings towards having a daughter I would say is very “neutral” given his behavior towards women, he’s more or less pretty awkward about it because now he’s like “Do I have to not act like a dick with this “thing”?”

But surprisingly he TRIES to be less vulgar and does try to protect you in a sense that he knows how men think

One of his main phrases with you is “A lady shouldn’t act like this” basically overall EXTREMELY MISOGYNISTIC sadly you don’t know any better growing up

You learn about womanhood through his various lady friends, don’t even bother asking him because he’ll probably kindly tell you to fuck off KINDLY

Awkward hugs, like “there, there”

Any bully that you may have depends on whether they are male or female

Male = beats the shit out of them, then their dad, then fucks their mom and will probably steal their bike to give to you as a Xmas present, it’s July btw

Female = acts all nice and when no one is looking tells them this “If you keep fucking with my kid, I’m gonna fuck your mom and ima gonna be your new daddy..now give me $20”

He’s gonna keep the $20

Homelander/Sister

SISTER COMPLEX

He did pretty much raise you the minute SB brought you home

Your the only consistency he has in his life, growing up he tries his best to protect you from everything SB related (doesn’t always work)

When SB brings home a lover HL tells you that’s dads special friend and if they are too loud which is all the time he gives you ear muffs and plays the quiet game with you

SB is passed out in the hallway? Oh he’s sick he’ll be fine (probably)

Isn’t particularly happy when the team Payback is around but is glad that they are under SB’s foot

Doesn’t mind Black Noir, both you and HL are pretty attached too him growing up

But as you grow older and venture out and try to make new friends, HL gets extremely jealous wanting to be your ONLY BSF

Calls your friends “sluts” for trying to erase his influence over you and if you get a bf he will totally SNITCH to SB

His fondest memory of you both is when you were kids and trying to avoid SB because he was in one of his moods and you and him were under the covers, you pinky promised him that you’ll never leave him and he’ll never leave you

His “friends” are your friends and doesn’t see anything wrong with that Bc he’s your big bro and he could always use Maeve and Starlight as a scapegoat

SB would hold his baby girl at arm's length, unsure of what to do with this delicate little thing.

first few years of your life he'll dress you up in boy clothes cuz he doesn't want to deal with baby girl clothes with all the pinks and frills. Homelander will be the one to pick you up a yellow onesie with a big sun on the front from a thrift store with his money from being a paper boy

Soldier Boy will find himself growing softer the longer he cares for you. When it's just the two of you at home, he'll even speak softly to you with a lilt of using a baby voice. he'll outright deny it though if Homelander catches him using the voice

the way you learned about periods? one of SB's lady friends left her purse out in the living room and you rifled through it, finding not just her cigarettes but some funny looking torpedo things. she informed you how it worked. literally terrified you because bleeding for four days straight is not normal and SB sure as hell wasn't going to teach you about feminine hygiene.

and from the Crimson Countess you learn that some women also wear the flimsiest underwear.

"Did you see her underwear? It looks like it's made out of floss!" you'd giggle while HL can only flush and tell you that's not what proper ladies wear and steer you the other way

really, the only member of Payback that you and HL liked was Black Noir. he'd draw with you or take you and your brother out if everyone was being too. . . rowdy

Buster Beaver's Pizza Restaurant becomes a favorite

really, Black Noir is the only male HL feels comfortable letting you be around

even his male friends he trusts to a certain degree. never would he leave his sister completely alone with any of them. more like they're his little spies who tell HL of any other bugs scuttling around you

he doesn't like it when you make your own friends who try and pull you away from his side

will do anything to turn you against these 'sluts'.

both of you have bonded through the trauma of growing up with Soldier Boy. huddled under the blankets to ignore the outside world. Homelander holding you close and promising it will always be just the two of you against the rest of the world. and you full heartedly believe him because he'd never lie to you. not your beloved big brother who carries the sun on his shoulders just for you. even if he doesn't like your friends that aren't his. after all, he was just trying to keep you safe. that was his main goal in life.

and frankly, as bad as HL sister complex was, your big brother complex was even bigger

as you were Homelander's only constant, he was your's as well.

@theeonlyroman thank you so much for sending all these HC 😭❤️ i look forward to every single one of them and get so giddy and excited to answer them ❤️

#reader insert #reader insert fanfiction #the boys homelander #dad soldier boy #the boys soldier boy #the boys tv #the boys amazon #the boys series

[snarkylinda]

I’m very glad you’re talking about spencer being parentified because it feels like people sometimes gloss over it a bit? or maybe I’m just looking in the wrong places. if this isn’t something you do in you’re blog feel free to just. not respond but do you have any more thoughts or. idk headcanons on how that might have affected him as an adult?

Hi anon! To be honest I have no idea what is essentially discussed alot on the fandom other that a tiny fraction of it I expose myself to because 1#I am too tired and old to deal with fandom discourse about my blorbo, and based on my previous experience with fandoms I KNOW that the most popular the character, the bigger the discourse so haha no- 2# I joined in late lmao literally a couple of months ago, so I am super out of the loop just screaming to the void in desperate needs for someone to scream back 🤲🏼 do this kind of asks actually made me so happy agahagaha 🥰🥰 Buckle up bois this is LONG-

Ok now to those that might come across this and ask themselves what the hell does being parentified means, it's a broad term used for the phenomenon of (at best) a child sharing parental responsibilities due to x circumstance, or (at worst) downright having the parent/child dynamic completely swapped, with the child being the caretaker for the parent and household. You don't have to know deep CM lore knowledge to realize the latter is Spencer Reid to a T. Hell, they aren't even subtle about it lmao:

Btw parentification is often mixed in with abandonment and while they share the "child being forced to grown up" too quickly, the former is often distinguished by the fact that, more often that not as is this case, the parent still cares for them but are unable to do so how it should be (tho there are several cases where parentefication is an part of willing neglect, sadly) and added to the fact that they have to look after themselves- they have to look after another.

This is a really complicated, broad topic and I just mentioned this to go full disclaimer and that I don't blame Diana at all for how messed her son ended up since she can't help it- and to make a joke about how Spencer was abandoned and parentified. Also harassed. Guys he wasn't even 18-

Anyways but back to your question, how do I think that affected Spencer growing up....well in everything basically lmao

But I will take on two instances that had stood up to me the most: emotional management and hiding secrets.

The second one is easier: you would catch this man dead before he vents to you over something other than his shitty dad (that I find very funny tbh) and when he does is because he is at his limit and about to fucking cry.

Now don't get me wrong: we all are entiltde to our privacy. These are grown ass adults and they have lives outside of their working circle....

Right?

Haha we have an problem-

So yeah, Spencer kind of actually needs to rely on his co-workers because he has literally nobody else to rely on-

And yet

Oh here is the thing- Spencer is one polite boi but he is also blunt, if he doesn't want someone on his business he says so (look back when Alex discovered him and Maeve) this is literally "I wanted to tell you but I feel like I shouldn't"- this is not season 1 mind you, this is season 11, and yet here he was one of his oldest friends literally grabbing him by the arm and having to tell him it's never a bother- I am the only one fucking crying at this?

Excuses seems to come to Spencer like it's second nature- "sorry a tube on my apparment broke" "Oh I....I tripped!" "There was a lot of traffic so..." "I was watching an movie" and I am not am expert on USA's history or some shit, but Child Protection Services had been a thing since at least the 60s, so I don't think that a 10yo living alone with his mentally ill mother would have flown well- you get the idea.

I think this scene summarizes the whole thing perfectly

Get it? it's irony. (I love how Spencer is about to say something like dismissive "thank you" but because this shit hit too close to home to comfort he just gave a polite smile and walked away. That silence was LOUD) Because Spencer had always had done the former but the latter er.... :D

And it's not only when it concern Diane btw, any problem whatsoever Spencer would rather lock himself up (literally lmao) that sit down and talk about it- it's only when his bs is exposed and he can't refutage (like that little scene after Gideon's death when Rossi asks him if he had been there all night- he points out the fact he is wearing the same cardigan as the day before) that he opens up....or he runs away, which leads me to the second big point that I think shows how much Parentification fucked him up:

Spencer has the emotional maturity of a teenager.

I talk about this literally all the time so I'll be shorter lmao basically Spencer... has an issue- ok he has lot of issues- and that is the way he dislikes direct confrontation, so whenever he is hurt or angry he would rather be dismissive and passive-agressive that talk it out with the person- even going as far as turning away and storming out of the room.

(Here is the part where I put the screencaps but him storming off would be out of focus so lmao er.... Elephant Memory, Memoriam, Proof, a little part in 15x2 and The Gathering)

Now... I do think that a grown-ass man doing this shit is hilarious, like I love Spencer's bratty side so much lmao but it's an clear sign of someone that never learned how to deal with his emotions on a healthy way, someone that 6 out of 7 days of the week had to interiorize everything in and because of that holds on so much....resement, so much repressed anger but also without an stable force on his life to help him manage that- so we are left with an teenager trapped in an adult's body, loss at how to handle shit like he always did.

....And want to know the worst part about an Parentified boy onto adulthood?

That they don't know better.

#criminal minds #spencer reid

[mercarimari]

NOTE: This is the first in a series of one-shots that i’m going to write for Aelin involving trauma processing post canon, and my headcanons in relevance to her PTSD and the other issues she faces after the Coffin. That said heavy themes will be present in all of the one shots posted under my tag Popular Monster. Themes of suicidal ideation, death, torture, implied SA (in regards to Fenrys), and other potentially dark themes will be present, you have been warned.  Project Title: Popular Monster Fic Title: I Just Wanna Feel Okay.  WC:  1074

Sleep was hard anymore.

It often didn’t matter that Rowan was asleep next to her, when the Gods awful nightmares drug her out of the bliss of a deep sleep. Not even the sound of his breathing and his heart soothed her. She was thankful for his understanding, that he understood her on a level not many people could. They’d only discussed it once, briefly, but she remembered. He’d suffered similarly, long before she’d even been a thought to be brought into the world.

Her footsteps echoed on in her ears as she moved through the castle. The padding of each step was like a scream in the silence of the night. But bare feet made their way through the halls from their chambers, and into the throne room. A true throne sat upon a dias now. Not just the most ornate chair they could find in the remaining rubble of her once great home.

It was great again. Terrasen had managed to rise from the ashes of the war. Orynth was beautiful again, as it had been when she was a child at the height of it’s glory. She should not have lived to see it. She took a seat upon the gilded throne of golden stag horns, made of metal and not the symbolic shed horns of the Stag of the North like the original. It would take centuries to rebuild that piece of her Kingdom’s history.

In the dark silence, Aelin curled up in the throne that was far too large for her. Even with all the weight she’d put back on thanks to her training and regular meals. It still held a certain level of intimidation to her, even now. It was here where reality fell upon her shoulders. It was here, that she had no choice but to embrace the things that had happened to her, because there was no escaping them. The war was over. She’d survived when she had been destined to die. And she didn’t have nearly enough distractions to keep her from falling into the spiraling pit of what had been done to her. She had no choice but to embrace the horrors of the months she’d lost trapped in an endless cycle of relentless torment that had torn at parts of her she’d long thought laid to rest. “Can’t sleep?” Aelin looked up to where she found Fenrys, standing in the massive doorway, down the aisle from her. He didn’t wait for an answer as he made his way towards her. He looked just as tired as she felt, and she knew that he likely hadn’t slept either. At least not well. She tried to force a smile. “I got a little bit. Had another nightmare though, and then my foot cramped up, felt like it was being torn apart. Couldn’t go back to sleep after that.” She couldn’t keep the smile in place. It fell into a frown as she watched him continue his lazy approach. She met his eyes, and made note of the five blinks. *This is real, you are awake.*

“She’s dead and I still can’t find peace.”  A broken laugh bubbled from her throat. How many nights had seen them here? How many of those nights had Fenrys spent apologizing to her, for the belief that he had not done enough to save her? He hadn’t had a choice, and as selfish as it was, she was just glad he was alive. “I know.” He answered.

“It’s like waiting for a bomb to drop.” Aelin breathed, as he came to stand in front of her. “The thing that’ll shatter the illusion.” Because there was always something someone said or did that shattered Maeve’s illusions.

Fenrys nodded, then he offered his own explanation. “I dreamed of Connall again.” Aelin knew what that meant. It hadn’t been a happy dream, no, it had been his mind reminding him of the sticky warmth of his brother’s blood. Of what Maeve had made him do after his death while his body laid lifeless mere feet away. “I’m sorry.” She tried to blink back the tears that welled up in her eyes. “I wish I could make everything right and still save everyone. I wish I could give him back to you.” Words she’d said so many times they felt rehearsed, even if she meant them every time they fell from her lips. “I know.” He said again, “I know you’d do anything to make it right, but this is how it is, Aelin. And I would not give you up for anything in the world.” The tears slipped free in spite of her best efforts to keep them trapped. So few people had seen her weakness. The ones who remained alive, she could count on her fingers. But Fenrys had seen her at her weakest. Had been there to save her life, had stopped that final breaking. Had nearly killed himself to do it.  “Not a single fucking thing.” She agreed. Bound. She and Fenrys were bound in a way entirely unique. He had borne the worst of her weakness and had been her strength when she feared she’d give up. Fenrys had saved her life, just as much as she’d saved his. “Do you want to try to go back to sleep?” He asked, holding out his hand. Aelin placed hers in his, and let him guide her to her feet. “Probably smart. We’ve got a lot of shit to do later.” Before she could take another step towards the stairs, Fenrys pulled her into his arms, a hand stroked over her hair, and his voice was a whisper in her ear as he held her. “I know it’s hard, but we’ll get through it. One day at a time. Until we find our reasons to smile on the other side.” He released her, and in a flash of light a white wolf had taken the place of his fae form, nudging at her hand.

Fenrys led the way back to her chambers, where Rowan still breathed steadily. She climbed back into the bed, settling herself against him. Rowan shifted in his sleep to accommodate the return of her weight against him. Familiar safe arms wrapped around her, and Fenrys leapt onto the bed, his massive white form settling behind her legs, the warm softness of his fur, and her mate’s heartbeat lulling her back into the depths of a dreamless sleep.

#throne of glass #aelin galathynius #rowaelin #aelin and fenrys #aelin and fenrys are trauma buddies #sjm fandom #tog fanfic #tog #my writing #popular monster

[pearblossommina]

ToG Read-a-Long, Queen of Shadows, day 5

Ch 26

I don’t know what a blood oath is but why does it matter if Aelin had more than one! The more the merrier, right? Can’t she just do whatever she wants? Isn’t she queen?

“How many scars would she add to that lithe, powerful body because of him?” If you’re not careful I’m gonna think you have a crush on your cousin - could you please not

(That’s icky Aedion)

(Stop looking at her lithe powerful body)

“He couldn’t bring himself to mention selling her hand in marriage to a wealthy foreign kingdom - not yet”

Is this the kind of world where the patriarchy exists or would she still be allowed to rule the nation of Terrasen?

Or would getting married mean she is queen of whoever her husband’s country is. Maybe she should marry Dorian and then she can take over the world. That is to say, both Adarlan and Terrasen. They could be married just for royal reasons and keep their own lives and lovers separate. Idk, I actually think that’s a solid plan, if she can get her head out of her ass and try to save Dorian instead of slaughtering him

“Lying to Aedion about the blood oath was… awful.”

I still don’t know what the blood oath is! Did she already give it to Rowan? Why does that matter? Is it fae magic that can only be given to one person?

Was I not paying attention again? god damn it

Ch 27

“He hadn’t forgotten that day at the castle - the arrow she’d fired and the one she pointed at him.”

Ok, Aedion, valid, very valid to hate Nesryn but also.

BABIES CAN YOU PLEASE JUST GET ALONG

“What I want is a pretty face to look at that doesn’t belong to my cousin. Looks like you’ll do the trick.”

Thank god, Aedion. You get over grudges so easily, lol. I gotta say I love you.

Ahhh YAY

I’M SO GLAD ROWAN IS HERE! ROWAN I HAVE BEEN A MESS WITHOUT YOU BOY!

I NEED YOU AND YOUR SURLY ATTITUDE AND YOUR MAGIC AND YOUR HANDSOMENESS TO MAKE THIS STORY MORE READABLE

FFFFFFFFF FFFFFF FFFFFFFFFF

Ch 28

“She poked him in the shoulder. It was like touching velvet-wrapped steel.” 👀😈

“You met his father a few weeks ago. Gavriel.”

oh!!! Kitty!!!

Lucien vibes. Love that. I hope Gavriel is a doting and loving father and when he meets Aedion he is like: let’s go have father-son pizza and ice cream, let me cherish you, let me listen to the story of your life, and while you’re at it, tell me about your hopes and dreams. Aedion deserves to have a good time getting to know his brand new dad.

Ok, here comes me being confused again about the thing with the blood oath

If I understand correctly, it’s like, a deep bond, and can only be given once, so Aedion is upset because he wanted it with Aelin, but she gave it to Rowan, yeah?

Gavriel is in a blood oath to Maeve, and that *might* mean that so is Aedion

But; Rowan said it would be an act of war to try and lay claim to him, so he belongs to Aelin

I think she should make Aedion blood oath to Rowan

If you can only do it once! That’s a good way to get around it, right?

Aelin is bonded to Rowan and Rowan is bonded to Aedion, boom - everyone’s happy - no one’s available to be claimed by Maeve

Ch 29

Sometimes when I read SJM I just wonder if I’m stupid, for example, them being all concerned and upset about Lorcan. Should I know who that is?

Is he a bad guy?

A good guy?

Is he neutral? Is he here to kill Aelin, or make out with her? Why did Rowan chase him here?

“You remember what I told you about Sollemere.” Uh!!! No??? Did you tell me about it already? I swear this is all reading like brand new information.

Honestly, Rowan, if you have a long complex backstory, can you give it to me slow and treat me like I’m learning this for the first time, because I have a tendency to forget details and I must not have been paying attention before…

“Just get in the bed.”

Hell!!!! YES!!! I am so excited! I do I do I do love a forbidden romance. Gimme gimme gimme pining and longing for each other and wanting to be together but unable to because *arbitrary plot reasons* oooooooh god yeah, that’s the good stuff

“There’s nothing that says you can’t take the oath, you know. Maeve has several blood-sworn members in her court.” ARE YOU KIDDING ME why all of the dramatics if it was really this easy to solve lmao

Aedion - for the love of god - stop being a baby and swear your life to your queen, smh

ch 30

Y’know I’m really starting to enjoy these Dorian x Demon chapters for the spooky, surreal vibes of them. I don’t like seeing him giving up, though. I would like to see him start bonding with the demon, instead. Maybe if he made a deal, or tried to befriend it or offer it something, he could have more time in the spotlight. They could share this body instead of fighting for dominance all the time. Idk. I know he’s real sad and I think that’s valid as heck but also, i miss Dorian, and I’m rooting for him to work his own way to the surface again.

This book is better than ACOTAR (and I love ACOTAR) specifically for the reason that we’re given a few moments from both of their perspectives. I like a first person POV, but with ACOTAR we are kinda limited to only what Feyre knows and experiences, and I am REALLY enjoying seeing and hearing from both Rowan and Aelin. I think this is the best way to write a romance novel because it makes it feel richer when you get that oh-so-sweet mutual pining.

Hell. Yes.

Get inappropriate, you two. You deserve it.

#tog read along 2023 #queen of shadows

[prolix-yuy]

LISTEN.

This new chapter was so friggin good. I guessed a few things and was happy to be right - especially when it came to the picture and her using it/his reaction, and Jack’s connection to Maeve. He has to be so confused right now, and it’s going to be a struggle to see him work through that once he sees/experiences what’s waiting for him on the other side - but i can’t wait.

This story is BRILLIANT, and i am having so much fun with it. I’m sad it’s going to end in a couple days. The way you’re weaving in actual WW dialogue and scenarios is masterful, and it *feels* like the park.

I would not have been able to say goodbye to him. No way in hell.

Ahhhh I'm so glad you liked it! I was looking forward to seeing you get to the photograph part because when you mentioned it in your first reblog I was so excited that you saw the connection. And seeing what Maeve's plan was now - I love it when things fall into place!

Poor Jack is a puddle of confusion. He's come face to face with the person who gave him consciousness and all the pain that came with it, and now he's on a crusade right after coming off his heartbreak? Man needs another night to recover.

Thank you so much for your kind words, and for your support through this story! I just finished season 4 of Westworld and was all in my feels yesterday, so posting this was very cathartic. And it was such a blast making the two stories work together.

Oh hell no, I would have dragged his ass out with me. "No, Delos staff, we came in together, move along!" But man, that fear that she could get something she truly wanted, but that it was wrong (both with Jack being a host and with her commitments) really drove her to the other end of needing proof that it was fake. Poor girl. But she's not leaving unchanged, I promise you that!

Thank you for reading my lovely, so excited to show you the conclusion to this story!

#lovely reader! #cognitive dissonance fic #westworld whiskey #jack daniels x reader

[tarnera-blog]

This is an ongoing project. I was inspired by some other people who made Warriors of Light for all the Shards (even the lost ones). I had a lot of fun making them, though I haven’t leveled them very far yet. I hope to one day get all of them nice outfits and have even a bit of a backstory for them. I’m aware that I will likely get jossed as more games come out and more lore is given to us, but that’s okay too. They can be AU.

My idea for this one was that I was trying to have as many races as possible, but only one race/gender in the group. So I can have two Elezens but they have to be different genders, if that makes sense. I could also only have one of each Clan for each race.

The Source: Ginko Biloba. I already have a photo on my last post, so we’ll skip this.

1. Ardbert. I didn’t bother making an alt for him; maybe one day? I have enough alts to deal with already lol.

2. Khojin Angura

I struggled with her name for some reason, I’m glad I finally settled on this one. I can pronounce it, unlike the first one she had! This is also the third time I changed her appearance, but again I think I’m happy with this final look.

From the second shard, which was lost in the third Calamity of Fire. I originally was trying to make her look more affected by fire aether, but I’ve pulled back significantly and only made her eyes reflect that. I also cribbed heavily from Avatar: the Last Airbender for ideas on how to design these characters.

3.  Aleidis Thorne

I got lucky with her, when I was designing her to be affected by Earth aether I just happened to make her absolutely perfect. I couldn’t bear to change her in any way, so this is just her now. I especially love her eyes.

From the third shard, which was lost in the fourth Calamity of Earth.

4. Edmelle Norbettaux

I belatedly realized I designed them after Alana the Lionness. They are a guard in whatever city they live in, and go by the nickname Ed.

From the fourth shard, which still exists.

5. Savvel Djt-bidit

His last name apparently means ‘tempest’ in the Viera language, which is why I chose it.

From the fifth shard, which was lost in the first Calamity of Wind.

6. Kazan Buhen

I also ended up changing his last name, I like this a lot better. Kazan apparently means volcano, which is hilarious to me as it was a random pick.

From the sixth shard, which was lost in the fifth Calamity of Ice.

7. Tsimh Dolabnha

Yet another one where I designed her to try and look like she was affected by the aether, but I’ve since decided she’s perfect the way she is. I think her hair makes her look like a calico, and I love her green eyes.

From the seventh shard, which was lost in the seventh Calamity (astral-aspected).

8. Betula Pendula

She ended up looking like a character from a show I like (Roswell Conspiracies: Aliens, Myths & Legends) which I’m not mad about. Furthermore, I’ve decided she’s actually in her late 50s/early 60s. She may be new to the adventuring life after several decades of running a farm and having little to keep her busy now that her children are grown and gone and her husband has passed on before her, but she’s no slouch and easily leaves the younger Adventurers in her wake. Most of the WoLs on this list have names suiting their race, but I made an exception for Betula. She’s named after the silver birch tree.

From the eighth shard, which still exists.

9. Tutulao Kokolao

I am very dissatisfied with his name and will try to change it soon, not sure what to yet. My main idea for him is ‘basically Batman’ only his dad is still alive and a jerk. Maybe throw some Robin Hood in there too? Idk.

From the ninth shard, which still exists.

10. Piane Yapih

From the tenth shard, which was lost in the sixth Calamity of Water.

11. Maev Alba

No picture yet, though I do have this character already made. I’m waiting for them to release female Hrothgar, and then I will fantasia her into a Lost Hrothgar woman. Right now she’s a generic lady Midlander. I have no idea how I’ll design her yet.

From the eleventh shard, which still exists.

12. Clementain Dubeltaire

I don’t like his lips, I definitely made a mistake there. I’ll fix it later. I was trying to make his lips look like they had color but it just looks ridiculous.

From the twelfth shard, which was lost in the second Calamity of Lightning.

13. Whispering Abyss

This is the only character I ended up keeping with the idea that she was slowly being corrupted by aether, because it’s the only one where I managed to find the balance I was trying to achieve with the others. I really love her a lot.

From the thirteenth shard, which was lost to the Void.

Azem

Naturally I have to include my idea for what Azem might have looked like. I modeled them after what Apolo is supposed to look like, and tried to make the eyes look like they glow a little by picking a really light shade. I might change their hair eventually, but I did try to make them look enby and the long hair is important for that. I gave them the name Aegletes Azem.

#ffxiv #ffxiv spoilers #endwalker #shadowbringers #endwalker spoilers #shadowbringers spoilers #shards of Azem #Azem

[captainimfangirling]

The Boys Season 3 Ep. 4

Warning: Major Spoilers

Hughie & Starlight

At first I thought Hughie was non-toxic masculinity and didn’t mind Starlight saving him but at the same time I can understand why he hated not being able to protect the people he loves. I really hope he doesn’t get addicted to temp V and become power hungry. Kimiko closing her eyes when she saw him naked was really cute. I feel really bad for Starlight when Homelander killed Alex. I have a feeling she might get back into protective mode and try to stop Hughie from doing anything to Homelander. 

Kimiko & Frenchie

I f*cking knew Kimiko was gonna get hurt or possibly die. She’s the one who wanted to leave Butcher so I thought she was gonna die not Frenchie. I’m glad Frenchie didn’t forget about M.M. and Hughie. Kimiko cares about them too because she didn’t object when Frenchie brought them up. If she dies I know he’s going to feel really guilty about not leaving sooner. 

A-Train

I knew A-Train was going to betray Alex because the number one person he cares about is himself. He killed the woman he fell in love with. I’ve said before that the only way for him to be redeemed is if he’s genuinely sorry for killing innocent people like Robin but I don’t think that will happen. The writers better not make an excuse for him like the only reason he did it was so Homelander would listen to him about Black Hawk so he’s saving black people because that’s some manipulative bullsh*t. He probably really thinks Homelander is a great man. Even if I’m wrong and A-Train is actually innocent I really hope they have him bring up the innocent people he killed like Robin in order to fully redeem him.

Queen Maeve

We finally see her! Now this is how you redeem a character! She obviously feels horrible about the things she done in the past and thinks she deserves to sacrifice herself in order to kill Homelander. I really hope she doesn’t die because I don’t believe anyone should sacrifice themselves (dying) in order to be redeemed). We just need to see that they’re genuinely sorry, do everything they can to make things right, and change. 

Victoria

I get why she betrayed Edgar. I guess I was wrong about him possibly being a child abuser and the orphanage was just giving them V not abusing them sexually. I still think giving children V is abuse. Was so heart breaking hearing her daughter scream when Victoria gave her V. I can’t imagine how Homelander or any infant supe being given V and going through all that pain.

Homelander

Gosh I love his unhinged ass. Might not be racist but sure does hate humans because he said he was happy Victoria chose her “own kind.” Like I said a long time ago Homelander is a sociopath and Vought is the reason he has never been exposed because they took care of his messes. Without them the world will see Homelander for what he really is. 

Butcher

I see a parallel between Butcher and Edgar. Butcher saw Kimiko as a weapon and Edgar saw Victoria as a weapon. Even though Butcher is using her a lot I like to think he cares about her deep down especially since Frenchie loves her. Did you see the way he looked at Hughie like a disappointed father? At first I was afraid Butcher will get addicted to temp V but it might be Hughie and I think Butcher is afraid of that too.

Soldier Boy

We pretty much knew what was gonna happen. My theory is that he was the one who told Homelander they were gods when he was a child. I really hope that rumor about him being a child abuser was wrong. I wouldn’t want that to happen to anymore not even Homelander.

M.M.

I’m very happy M.M. is there to stand up to Butcher. I have a feeling Butcher picked him in case he ever died so M.M. can take over as the leader. I hope we learn more about M.M. and his family. Did you see his face when he saw Soldier Boy? Reminded me of the times Hughie looked at A-Train in season 1. It’s post traumatic stress disorder. Like Homelander I will be sad when Soldier Boy dies but I understand they deserve it. I just hope M.M. will be the one who kills him and Butcher will be the one who kills Homelander.

Jensen Ackles’ Ass

If you said Jensen Ackles having a flat ass yes that is body shaming. Don’t give me that oh I’m just stating facts bullsh*t. You know damn well it’s a negative comment when someone says another has a flat ass. I hate it when people do the same sh*t to women and I’m glad people are standing up to body shaming. 

#the boys #soldier boy #Homelander #billy butcher #kimiko #Frenchie #mothers milk

[galaxydrcaming]

@allxthingsxglxtter

Maeve had a pretty hectic afternoon at the diner, the place filling up and her other help not able to come in, but she’d finally had a moment to breathe and was cleaning up when she found the journal tucked against the wall and one of the chairs.  She’d just brought it to the counter when the young woman walked in, Maeve offering her a shy smile and a nod. “Yes miss, it’s right here.  It’s no bother! I’m glad we had it.” She gently set it down on the counter in front of her, glad to be able to return it.

Romane's shoulders fall in relief as she turns to look up at her and smiles a little. "Oh, thank you, I don't know what I would have done without this." She admits, taking the journal gently and pressing it to themselves, still just happy to have it back. "This thing holds a lot of meaning to me, I feel so dumb to have even left it." Romane muses with a small laugh.

#c; maeve #( && she is good but she lies ;; romane says ) #( && emilie )

[yourthiccgoddessmidna]

“Maddie Cen Patient Note. Maeve. I’m both shocked and amazed at the so called Berserker. Her imp form is rather adorable but her true form lives up to the name. Though my biggest concern first and foremost is her anger.”

(The recording cuts and goes into the session) “this right here is what I call Bobo.” Maddie points to a inflatable looking clown figure. “What about it?” Maeve spoke while looking at Bobo’s smile. “Well Bobo is special. It’s indestructible.” Maeve chuckled. “Yeah right. I bet I can pop it in one punch.” “You’re more than welcome to try.”

(The session cuts off) “And thus began a near two hour fight. Too bad I didn’t tell her it had reflection, absorption, nullification, and indestructible magics in it. Which left a happy smiling bobo and a tired Maeve. Even then she still tried to punch it. But then she asked this, marking our first break through. Why is she fighting if she know it’s going to hurt her.”

"Because she's more stubborn than an ox." Said Midna who happened to find the recording...again. "But hehe...it's impressive really to think that Maeve is getting some assistance. It...really didn't help that I sort of shut her out for a long time too." She sighed. "I'm glad Maddie is fixing that mistake at least."

[doll-in-the-walls]

Strangely Charming - Chapter 25

Chapter Sum: The night of the Snow Ball, Maeve is one of the chaperones and Max’s ride to the dance.

A/N: So we’ve skipped over a month since the last chapter. It was early November then and now it’s mid December (because the time skip says “one month later” so December and then I read on the wiki that the Snow Ball was on the 15th. No idea if that’s right but that’s what we’re going with.)Sorry this has taken forever. Happy Holidays!

Warnings: None

Words: 2375

(Previous Chapter)

Mae’s Dress:

Mae’s PJs:

The night of the snowball Maeve knocked on Max's front door. She heard a familiar voice shout "Got it!" and a moment later Billy opened it. He frowned in confusion when he saw how she was dressed and blinked.

"I'm chaperoning, remember?" Maeve reminded him.

"Yeah… you look good." A small smirk pulled at his lips as he looked her over. She rolled her eyes with a smile.

"She ready?" Billy started to answer when Max called out from inside the house,

"Mae?"

"Yeah!" she called back.

"Come on in, we're just finishing up," Susan called. Billy stepped to the side and gestured inside. Maeve walked into Max's room to see her mother finishing her hair. Susan turned to smile at her. "What do you think?" she asked while Max rolled her eyes.

"You look great, Max." Max gave her a look. "Really." 

"You look lovely," Susan said.

"Thank you, ma'am." Maeve gave a small curtsey.

"And thank you for driving Max."

"Oh, it's no problem."

"Can we go now?" Max asked as she stood.

"Have fun, sweetie," Susan said.

"I'll try," Max muttered but smiled at her mom. 

"Come on," Maeve said with a smile as she nodded to the side. 

"Hey, hold up a sec," Billy said as he stepped out of his room, lightly grabbing Maeve's arm to stop her as Max opened the front door.

"Door's unlocked, go ahead, just gimme a sec," Maeve said to Max who gave Billy a look before heading out to the car.

"Keep an eye on her tonight?" he asked quietly. 

"That's kinda in the job description," she said with a chuckle. He rolled his eyes with a small smile.

"Seriously."

"Yeah. Of course. You know I will," she assured him.

"Mae!" Max called from the car. "Come on!"

"Jeez, no patience," Maeve said as she turned to the door but stopped once more as Billy took her hand.

"Uh- after?" he asked, tilting his head.

"Not in this dress," Maeve said quietly with a playful scoff to which Billy once again rolled his eyes. 

"Got a date tonight," he said, indicating that he wanted to meet at her house instead of having her come in through his window. He would sometimes use the excuse of having a date - when he didn't - to leave the house so Max and their parents wouldn't know he was really just meeting up with Maeve. (Though it didn’t really matter if Max knew; she already knew the two hung out together.) He had explained that it was better if they just thought she was Max's friend. He didn't want to think about the things his dad would say if he thought Billy was into Maeve at all.

"Mae!" Max called from the car again before beeping the horn twice. Billy resisted the urge to shout back at her.

"Okay," Maeve said to Billy with a nod and he released her hand. He watched her walk down the steps and get in the car. Max seemed to immediately start complaining and even sent him a glare before he closed the door. He turned back to see Susan smiling.

"She's a sweet girl," she said. 

"Yeah," he muttered.

“You should’ve said you were going on a date; I could’ve driven Max.” Billy turned to her with a confused frown.

“What?”

“Well… you are going on a date with her, with Maeve, aren’t you?” she asked, her brow suddenly pinching in concern. Billy realized she must have been watching and either assumed that the date he said he was going on was with Maeve or that he was going on a date with someone other than Maeve and therefore that would mean he was 'cheating' on Maeve if Susan assumed there was some sort of relationship between the two based on what she had just seen. He was glad his dad wasn't home. "I won't tell him," Susan added with a sad smile, as if reading his mind. Billy felt his shoulders relax a bit.

“Uh yeah… yeah I am.” He cleared his throat and ignored Susan’s happy-for-you reaction. “We’re meeting later… after the dance,” he said before quickly going back into his room. 

"Alright, go have fun," Maeve said after Max signed in with Mr Clarke. Max flashed her a smile before she headed into the gym, quickly finding Mike and Will at one of the tables. 

"Well, Miss Emerson, all the punch station positions are filled," Mr Clarke said. "You can always swap with someone later, but for now you can just monitor."

"Actually, I'm supposed to help Jonathan," Maeve said.

"Oh, right. Well, he's off to the left, you'll see him."

"Thank you," Maeve said before she made her way in. The camera flashed and Jonathan nodded to the kids before pulling out a small notebook. "Hey," Maeve said before lightly tapping his shoulder. He only jumped slightly but turned to smile at her.

"Hey." 

"I’m ready to help." She held out a hand for the pencil and notepad. 

"Uh, yeah so, I already numbered a few pages- just have to write down last names and first initials, oh and their homeroom class."

"Got it." Maeve nodded. 

"And which grade," he added quickly. "Sorry."

"You're fine," Maeve said with a chuckle. "Relax." 

…

About half an hour after arriving, Maeve saw Lucas arrive then another 20 minutes later Dustin arrived. She didn't pay too much attention to the actual dance, though she did occasionally check on The Party when she wasn’t busy writing down names. She did see when El came into the gym before one of the first slow songs started.

The slow song ended, another upbeat song playing shortly after, and The Party returned to their table. Maeve watched Nancy say something to them before she pointed over towards her and Jonathan. 

“New customers approaching,” Maeve teased and Jonathan turned to see his brother and his friends. “Hey guys.”

“You look pretty,” El said with a smile.

“Aw thank you, so do you, sweetie.” She turned to Mike briefly before looking back at El. “Now, I know tonight’s the exception to staying out of public, but seeing as Jonathan’s the one handling all the development of the photos I think it’s safe for you to be in them.” She looked at Jonathan who nodded with a smile. El’s smile grew and she looked at Mike excitedly.

“Couples first then?” Jonathan suggested as he motioned them to stand in front of the backdrop. Mike and El were first then Lucas and Max after Maeve encouraged the two, having seen their dance as well.

“Will, did you want to go ask the girl you were dancing with if she wants a picture?” Maeve asked.

“Th-that’s okay,” he said, shaking his head.

“Okay,” she said with a smile and a nod, not pushing the matter further. “How about all the boys together?” The four moved into position, goofing off as they tried to decide on poses.

“Will you take a picture with me?” El asked Maeve. 

“Of course. Just me and you or did you want Max in it too?” she asked, softer. El chewed her lip briefly. 

“Just me and you.”

“Okay.” Jonathan took their photo before handing the notepad and pencil back to Maeve for her to write the details down. 

“Can I get a picture with you too?” Dustin asked Maeve with a smile. 

“Well, you’re just a regular ladies man tonight, aren’t you?” Maeve teased with a smile; he stood a little taller with a grin. “Of course, I’ll take a picture with you.” The two stepped in front of the backdrop, but Maeve quickly held up a hand. “Oh, wait, wait, wait,” she said and bent down to undo her heels, placing them beside her. “There.” She smiled at Dustin who was no longer three inches shorter than her. He held out his arm for hers with a big smile. “Max?” Maeve asked after the photo was taken.

“The less photos of me from tonight the better, thanks,” she said.

“Well, we gotta have one with the whole Party, right?” Jonathan asked. 

“Come on,” Mike said when Max didn’t move to join.

“Fine,” the red-head groaned but was trying not to smile. Maeve slipped her boots back on and stepped to the side. “Where are you going? If I’m in the picture you have to be too,” Max said as she pulled Maeve back into the shot, hooking an arm around hers.

“Jonathan said The Party, I’m not-” Maeve started as she shook her head.

“Stay?” El asked as she put her arm around Maeve’s other arm.

“Okay, but then one without me because I can feel Mike’s frown from here,” Maeve said before looking back at him as he rolled his eyes. The other boys chuckled. 

“You’re going to tell him aren’t you?” Max asked as Maeve drove them back to Max’s house later that night.

“Tell who what?”

“Billy… about…” she hesitated.

“No. I’m not gonna tell him,” Maeve assured her. “A girl has to have some secrets. Besides, if Lucas breaks your heart it isn’t Billy he’s going to have to worry about.” Max tried to push down her smile. 

“Thanks Mae.”

Billy glanced over towards Eddie's trailer as he shut the door to his car and saw all the lights off and the van missing. There was a wreath on each of the two doors to the trailer and a single string of lights on the railing by the main door. Maeve's place however didn't have any lights or a wreath, the only thing it did have was a little snowman with a Santa hat in the window.

Billy sat down on the steps as he pulled out a cigarette. Before he had a chance to light it the door opened behind him. He looked up to see Calcifer looking down at him.

“Just get in here,” Calcifer said as he rolled his eyes, walking back to the kitchen and leaving the door open. Billy stepped in, closing the door behind him.

“Where’s uh… the cat?” Billy asked. Calcifer glanced up from the pot on the stove in the kitchenette.

“My room. Mae says he doesn’t like you so she asked me to keep him in there.”

“Ah…” Billy nodded.

“Mac?”

“What?”

“Mac and cheese.” Calcifer motioned to the pot. “Eat it or don’t, I don’t care.” He grabbed his plate full and a can of soda before walking down the hall to his room. 

…

“Cal? I’m home!” Maeve called out as she put her keys on the hook by the door. “See you made yourself at home,” she said to Billy who sat on the couch with a plate of half eaten mac and cheese and a soda.

“Your brother said I could eat it,” he said with a shrug. “I’m not gonna say no to free food.”

“Did you at least save me some?” she asked as she put down her bag and took off her heels. He paused with the fork halfway to his mouth.

“Was I supposed to?” he asked. She put her hands on her hips and he chuckled. “Relax, I’m kidding. I left you some.” She flipped him off playfully as she made her way down the hall to her room to change. When she came back in her PJs, she walked into the kitchenette to make herself a plate.

"Ya know, I know it’s still ten days away but… no tree?" Billy asked. Maeve paused and raised an eyebrow at him before opening the fridge for a soda.

"Did you not see the sign for the trailer park when you drove here?" she asked with a chuckle. She looked over and saw how he looked confused. "Unless I go out and chop a tree down myself, no, no tree."

“Oh…” He nodded, shifting in his seat awkwardly. 

“Plus cats and Christmas trees aren’t a good match,” she said and he chuckled. “Cal was supposed to put up the lights we borrowed but so far has been too lazy to actually go out and do it.”

“Borrowed?”

“Mrs Byers had a bunch of extra lights, yeah.”

“Ah…. alright…” He nodded again. “So, how did-”

“She had a good time and that’s all you need to know,” Maeve said as she sat down next to him, placing her plate on the coffee table next to his. He frowned. 

“That’s it?”

“Yep. That’s all you’re getting outta me. If something happened that you needed to know about I would tell you.” He rolled his eyes and leaned back. “Pout all you want, but her happiness has higher priority.”

“I’m not pouting,” he muttered. 

“Mhm,” she hummed as she flicked on the TV. 

“Hey, where are those lights?” he asked as he stood. Maeve raised an eyebrow at him. 

“Why?”

“Well, if you’re brother’s too lazy to do it, I’ll put them up for you.” He shrugged. “You got a step ladder?” She rolled her eyes at him.

“It’s freezing out; sit down.”

“Alright, just tryna be nice,” he said as he shrugged again before sitting down.

“While I appreciate the thought, Cal’s not getting out of it that easily.”

“If he wants to do the lights let ‘im,” Calcifer said from the kitchenette and Billy jumped in surprise. 

“Jeez you’re quiet,” he said and frowned as he heard the other boy snickering at him.

“Nope, you said you were going to do the lights,” Maeve said. 

“And you said you were going to do the other decorations,” he reminded her. Maeve motioned to the window, her mouth full. “That doesn’t count.” Maeve rolled her eyes. 

“Well we don’t have a fireplace anymore so stockings are out. What else am I meant to do? I’m already doing all the food stuff.”

“You say that like you’re cooking for more than just two people,” Calcifer deadpanned, raising an eyebrow.

“You shush…” she muttered. "Hey, I was gonna invite Wayne and Eddie so that makes four, ha!"

"Who?" Billy asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Eddie's uncle," Calcifer clarified. "Hey, why don't you just ask Eddie to put up the-"

"You're not getting out of it, Cal," Maeve said. Calcifer frowned and rolled his eyes.

A/N: I was going to continue the end scene a bit more but just ran out of ideas and wanted to get this chapter up tonight.

___________________________

(Next Chapter)

___________________________

#Strangely Charming fic #Stranger Things #Billy Hargrove #Stranger Things fanfic

[writer-in-theory]

dream of some epiphany

"just one single glimpse of relief, to make some sense of what you've seen..."

summary: after his wife maeve died, spencer was sure he'd never recover. at least he had the knowledge that she'd been an organ donor, that even in her final moments she'd given to others what she and spencer could never have—another chance. a year later, the team coaxes spencer back out of his grief. he finds his relief in a local artist who seems to capture his emotions perfectly in her art. little did he know that there was a reason his heart was drawn to hers. pairing: spencer reid x fem!reader category: hurt/comfort, angst with a happy ending content warnings: character death (maeve, not shown but discussed heavily), discussions of grief, mentions of chronic illness and dying word count: 5.8k a/n: hello y'all!! happy valentine's day. i'm so excited to share this one with you, y'all have no idea. for reference, this fic is very loosely based off of the movie 'return to me' because it's one of my favs to watch on valentines day. also, a huge thanks to @reidsbookclub for beta-ing this fic super last second last night!!

masterlist

When Spencer had asked Maeve what one word she would use to describe the human experience, she’d barely thought before saying: sidereal. It hadn’t made an ounce of sense at the time—how could a human possibly be compared to the stars, and their existence the constellations? How could the human experience possibly stand up to the brilliance of starlight?

Standing in front of the Maeve Donovan-Reid Charitable Clinic, Spencer wondered if maybe she’d been right after all. After months of hard work and careful planning, everything finally happened the way he’d always hoped.

“I’m so glad you could make it,” Dr. Bryer spoke, beginning to reach out for a hug but seeming to think better of it.

“I wouldn’t miss it for the world.” How could he? Maeve had been talking about this clinic for years—spending nights at her desk carefully marking out each potential donor she’d need to talk to, staying late at her job to discuss the logistics with her coworkers. Spencer had been there all along, watching what started out as a whispered idea turn into a wondrous reality. “Maeve would love it.”

That was the worst part about it all: the looks. The second her name was said, everyone’s gazes would soften as they looked upon him with so much pity Spencer wanted to scream. Maeve would have hated for her name to be associated with such pain, such tragedy. Still, what else could he do but remember the way she’d looked that night—when everything was taken away from them in a second? When he’d been absolutely powerless to save the one person he’d desperately needed in the world?

Maybe now that the clinic was open, Spencer could remember the way the sun shined perfectly down on them that day when someone said her name.

“She’d be proud of you,” Dr. Bryer spoke again, settling for a reassuring hand squeezing lightly on his arm. His wife’s coworkers had gotten used to seeing him around, usually even asking about how his cases had gone and when his next guest lecture was.

“I know,” Spencer agreed, knowing that if Maeve could see him now she’d smile at all he’d managed to accomplish in the past year since the accident.

Spencer had prepared for a multitude of ways he could lose her. Working at the BAU meant that his loved ones were constantly put at risk because of the people he’d gone after. Never once did he imagine he’d get into a wreck on the way home from the clinic build site, and never did he imagine that he’d be okay while she was not.

And maybe what was so troubling was that there was no one to blame. If something had happened because of an unsub, then Spencer could hate them. He could even hate himself for not protecting his wife of five years well enough. Instead, all he had was some ice that caused another car to slide right into theirs, and all he could hold onto was the fact that Maeve had been able to carry out one final act of kindness before she left him.

Maeve always wanted to look after the world. She dedicated her life to studying rare genetic disorders in the hopes of finding better ways to treat them, and rallied for a charitable clinic where said patients could receive quality care without losing their entire life savings. And when she could no longer remain on this Earth, Maeve donated her organs to give so many people second chances at life.

And Spencer could rest easy, knowing that somewhere in the world Maeve’s heart was still beating, providing life to a wonderful person—a person who would never truly know the beauty of the woman they shared such a deep connection to.

“And what’re you up to this week, Spencer? More movie marathons?”

“No, actually,” Spencer admitted, rubbing the back of his neck and trying not to catch the clinic’s sign in his line of vision. “Derek set me up on a date.”

“A date? Oh, how lovely!” Dr. Breyer cheered, giving him a smile too kind to be faked. “I’m happy for you.”

“Really? You don’t think it’s too soon?”

“Spencer, if I knew anything about Maeve, it’s that she wouldn’t want you to keep grieving alone like this. She’d want you to be happy and loved.” It wasn’t the first time Spencer had heard it but he was sure it would never hurt less. The team had been pulling him aside individually for months, gently coaxing him back out into the world. They weren’t satisfied with him staying cooped up in that house he’d bought with Maeve—the one they were supposed to begin their family in. It hadn’t seemed right to have fun with them when he knew Maeve could never have those experiences again. It had seemed more like a betrayal to move on after he’d promised her forever.

Their forever was only meant to be five years, though. And maybe the woman Derek had set him on a date with wasn’t the one, but at least she was someone. This was the beginning of Spencer’s life without Maeve, and as hard as it was he’d have to accept that there would be love after her just as there was life without her too.

So when the night finally came, Spencer dutifully got dressed. It had been years since he’d gone on a first date—it was tough to remember exactly how to calm the rising nerves in his chest. He shoved them down deep every step of the way until finally, he reached the little restaurant he’d been instructed to go to. It was far out of the way, tucked back in a little corner of D.C. that never truly got the government official foot traffic that bolstered so many small businesses.

And when Spencer saw the woman, he understood why Derek had chosen her. She looked nothing like his wife—all long blonde hair and bright blue eyes, dressed up in a flashy outfit that Maeve would have never been caught dead in. She had a beautiful smile and a warm laugh, but quickly into the conversation Spencer realized that was all he could truly appreciate about the woman. When the dinner was over and he helped her back into her car, Spencer couldn’t say he was upset by the end of the date. She was a lovely woman who deserved all the best in the world, and that was just something he couldn’t give her.

Spencer hadn’t sat at a bar in ages—an unspoken agreement amongst the team suggested he was far too vulnerable that year to be around so much alcohol—but it seemed perfect now.

“That rough, huh?” A bell-like voice called out. The bartender was still standing in front of him behind the counter, mixing up a drink that looked far too blue to be good.

“I’m sorry?”

“The date,” she clarified, “both of you looked ready to leave all night.”

Had it really been so obvious? Spencer ducked his head a little, blushing at the thought of this beautiful woman noticing how miserable he’d been at dinner. “She was nice.”

“Ouch,” the bartender laughed, shaking her head, “that bad, huh?”

“She’s not my type,” Spencer admitted sheepishly, giving a trying smile to the woman who was looking at him with pure amusement.

“So why agree to a date with her?”

“My friend set me up,” he explained, “he said I needed to get back out there.”

“Ohh,” the woman cooed, leaning her forearms on the bar after sliding the finished drink over to the customer waiting for it. “My friends say the same thing to me. It’s been so long I’m not sure I remember how to go on a date.”

“That’s how I felt tonight,” Spencer laughed then, “I felt like a teenager again.”

“Not the awkward teen dates! I remember back in high school I went to the movies with this guy, and I don’t think we spoke once that whole date.”

“Not once?”

“Nope!” the woman laughed, popping the ‘p’ at the end of the word. “But luckily for me, I think my dating skills have improved just a little since then.”

“I didn’t date until college, but I never really enjoyed them.” Not until meeting Maeve, that is.

“Well, Kind Stranger with the Fluffy Hair, I hope you find a good date soon then,” the bartender announced before stepping away to the next patron.

As hard as Spencer tried to forget about that abysmal date, he hadn’t quite been able to get that bartender off of his mind. She had kind eyes, the sort that made him immediately want to trust her. She was easy to talk to in a way he didn’t often experience—not once in that brief conversation did he struggle to find something suitable to say.

So, a week later, Spencer returned to that same restaurant. He skipped dinner in lieu of sitting at the bar, hoping she worked the same nights every week.

“Oh, hey, Fluffy Hair, how’s it going?” that familiar voice asked a few minutes after he sat down. She wasn’t behind the bar this time, but rather coming out from the backroom with a bag in hand. “Find any cute dates recently?”

“No, none yet,” Spencer admitted, “Are you working tonight?”

“Ah, no I just wanted to drop in and say hello to a few people. I actually have this event tonight that’s not gonna be much fun anymore,” she explained. “Normally I have a friend to go with so I’m not alone, but she canceled last second.”

Was she doing this on purpose? Did she mention the opening so he could offer? What if she was just being kind, though, and it would be weird to impose when he’d just met her?

“Do you want someone to go with you?”

“Why, are you offering?” And there, that was it. Immediately the woman smiled, raising one eyebrow just enough to give a hint of flirtatiousness.

“Is it weird to go with a stranger?”

“Maybe,” she admitted, popping out a hip and resting her free hand against it, “but I don’t mind weird. I’m Y/N, by the way.”

“Spencer,” he introduced as he followed her out of the restaurant. He followed her down the sidewalk, easily falling into place beside her, hands barely brushing as they walked. “So what kind of event is it?”

“It’s a local art show,” she answered, fingers coming up to twist some of her hair as she spoke. “I have a couple of pieces on exhibit.”

“You’re an artist?”

“What, did you think I was only a bartender?” she teased. “Yeah, I am. I want to do it for the rest of my life, but until it’s financially sustainable I’ll be bartending.”

“What kind of art?”

“You’ll see, Fluffy Hair,” she said with a playful wink that sent butterflies straight to Spencer’s stomach. “What about you? What keeps you busy on weekdays?”

And here it was, the moment that had ended so many relationships before they’d hardly begun. Few people were actually willing to commit to loving someone with as dangerous and time-consuming a job as he had. Maeve had been an exception to the rule, someone who had never once shied away from the difficulties his job brought to the relationship.

“I’m an FBI agent,” Spencer explained, looking straight ahead as he spoke so as to not see her reaction, “I work for the Behavioral Analysis Unit.”

“Oh, I saw you guys on the news the other day,” she answered immediately, voice rising in pitch at the excitement. “You caught that guy in Virginia.”

“We did.”

“That must be a really hard job, I don’t know how you all do it every day.”

God, sometimes Spencer didn’t know either. With every year he stayed on the team, it got that much harder to see the point in it. For every killer they caught, three more popped up like some sick hydra. How could they possibly keep up with all of the destruction? He’d found himself looking forward to his breaks as a professor more and more.

“The team I’m on helps,” Spencer admitted, “they’re like my family.”

“Yeah, I guess you’d have to be after seeing all that stuff together. A lot of my friends are artists too. It’s nice they understand the struggles of it.”

“Like what?”

“I’ll tell you later,” she answered easily, “I don’t want to spoil our first date with the heavy stuff.”

She walked into the event space easily, as though what she’d said hadn’t sent a shock straight through Spencer. First date? Was this what that was? Could Spencer really be enjoying himself so much on a date now, after so long?

Turns out, he could. The event space was full of people all cooing over the artwork. There was just about everything in the gallery from sculptures to photographs, each from local artists. Though Y/N had been pulled in so many directions since being there, Spencer was enjoying the brief time he did get to share with her. She had such an optimistic outlook on life, preferring to smile and laugh than discuss any sort of hardships.

While she was off talking to one of her old teachers, Spencer found himself standing in front of a painting. It was done mostly in shades of blue and purple, deep colors swatched across the page. A hand, reaching out with tensed muscles and fingers barely missing the one in the corner of the canvas. The other hand was extended toward the first, reaching up as though begging to be pulled to safety. It was a narrow miss, fingertips gliding past each other as they failed to save the person that needed them.

Spencer understood that grief intimately, the knowledge that he hadn’t saved the person who’d begged for him in their last moments awake.

Then the canvas beside it, this time covered in pinks and reds, hints of orange splashed across it. Two hands gripping tightly to one another, finally getting that salvation the others had not.

“You found mine.” Though he’d only known her briefly, Spencer could recognize the joy of her voice right away.

“You made this one?” Spencer asked, incredulous to the fact that she’d made the art that he’d been drawn to that night. “It’s stunning.”

“Oh, I wouldn’t go that far,” she laughed with the careful humility of someone who wasn’t used to compliments.

“No, really,” Spencer insisted, needing her to understand how talented she was. It ached to think that she hadn’t been told that before, and he would commit to letting her know every day if it meant she understood the beauty of her work. “Everything about it makes sense, it draws out those intense emotions associated with needing to be saved and desperately trying to save someone you love.”

“I guess you’re right,” she conceded, barely looking over her own work.

“I make it a habit to be right,” Spencer teased, “so you should believe me.”

“Is that so?” she played right back, crossing her arms and raising an eyebrow at him in a way that just made Spencer want to laugh and hug her close. “How can I believe a stranger I just met last week?”

“You’ll just have to trust me.”

“You know,” Y/N began, her entire expression softening as she seemed to consider whether or not to say the words hovering on her lips. “You don’t feel like a stranger to me. Is that weird?”

It would be weird under any other circumstance. Spencer never would have understood what that meant before now—never would have believed that he could be in a situation like this—but now he looked at this woman and understood precisely what she meant.

Spencer knew this woman. He was comfortable with her in an entirely new way to him, like she was an old friend he was reuniting with. Being near her warmed his chest, made him want to smile and dance around the room. This woman already had a space carved out just for her in his heart, and maybe it had been there right from the start. He looked at her and for once didn’t think of all he’d missed out on with Maeve—Spencer only saw how much he wanted to experience with her.

“I’m okay with weird,” Spencer conceded softly, repeating the words she’d first spoken earlier that night.

It was the strangest beginning to a relationship he’d ever heard of, but Spencer was ready to dive right in.

Life with Spencer was magical.

After being told you needed a new heart to live, you weren’t sure you’d ever get the fairytale romance you’d dreamed of since childhood. Since they’d given you a timer to the eventual end, you’d always assumed that you simply weren’t meant to find the love you so desperately wanted.

Even now you weren’t sure what you believed, but it certainly felt miraculous to not only receive the heart you needed to keep going but also to find Spencer.

Spencer, who brought you dinner and curled up on the couch with you on days when moving was too tough. On better days, the two of you would take walks in the park and swap stories of two lives well-lived. You told him about the nights you snuck out with your friends to go hotel pool jumping, and in return he told you about the time his lab team decided to see how much force it would take to explode a watermelon.

You never once told him about the condition that caused you to be more familiar with the local hospital than your best friend’s apartment, and he never told you about the tragedy that caused the pain hidden deep in his hazel eyes.

From the way he’d reacted to your paintings, it was clear he’d lost someone. You’d painted those particular works to let out the grief of watching the friends you’d met at the hospital get sicker while you got the call all of you wanted. You’d painted it for the way you’d watched your chances wither away for years—you watched your family and friends slowly lose faith that you’d recover, and you watched them already begin to mourn you before you were even gone.

You’d painted it for people like Spencer, who had to watch someone they loved leave them.

The pain was unbearable, so neither of you touched it. You locked it away for another time, when this wasn’t so new and beautiful.

Pain demands to be felt, though, so as the weeks went by so too did your period of pure magic with Spencer.

“Hello, is this Miss L/N?” the voice asked as you answered the phone. You’d been getting ready to go see a friend, but when you get a call from the hospital you’d spent so much time at, that takes precedence. Had there been some error they just now caught a year later? Were you going to end up right back there?

“It is,” you answered, voice shaking as you tried not to think of the worst possible scenarios.

“You had requested to reach out to the family of your donor, and I am so pleased to announce that they have agreed to release their information.”

“Are you serious?” You’d called the hospital a few months ago, wanting to thank them for all their family member had done for you. Instead of the sentimental moment you’d been expecting, you were told that the donor family did not allow their information to be released to you. You’d resigned yourself to never meeting the people who’d saved your life, but now suddenly, the opportunity opened right back up for you.

“Even better, they’ve agreed to meet you,” the person on the phone said. Could this get any better? “Could you get down here today?”

“Absolutely, I’ll be there right away,” you answered, voice shaking for a whole new reason now. Would this be a suitable outfit to meet them in? Would they judge you for being the one who received their loved one’s ultimate gift? Was it truly happening, you getting to finally see the people who gave you the chance to live, to love?

You bounced the entire drive over, mind reeling with the possibilities. You wanted to know everything about this person who had given you everything, and you wanted to know that their family was okay.

Getting into the hospital was a blur of signing forms and visitor stickers. You were led through countless hallways until someone told you that just inside that room, your donor’s family awaits.

There was only one hospital door away, one turn of a doorknob away from seeing the most important person you’d never met yet.

And God, was it so much worse when you opened that door.

Because there, standing in front of you, was Spencer.

The nurses who’d cared for you all the times you were in the hospital were cheering, but all you could do was stare at the shell-shocked man in front of you. His hazel eyes widened impossibly large, lips parted as though he’d begun to say something but stopped mid-way.

Your boyfriend was the family. That grief he’d carried with him for so long had been because he’d lost it all the same day you’d been given everything.

“Spencer,” you tried, stepping forward.

Your words must have sparked something in him, because all of a sudden he was stepping back away from you. His shocked expression shuttered away into what resembled horror, anger.

“Did you know?”

“What?” you asked, the words taking your breath away.

“Did. you. know?”

“How would I know?” you countered, trying to take another step toward him and feeling something crack in your chest when he stepped away again. “Spencer, how would I know?”

“Is this some kind of game? You get my wife’s heart and you think we should be together?” The words snapped harshly against you, widening the distance between you and Spencer even more.

He had a wife. A year ago, Spencer had been married. He’d found someone to love and you were one of the few people who had all that was left of her.

Oh God, how had this ended up so terribly?

“Spencer, I didn’t know. Please believe me,” you pushed, tears now obscuring your view of him. “I didn’t know.”

“You had to know,” Spencer snapped. Never once had you heard him so angry, so hurt. His voice crackled with it, sending to you harsh electricity strong enough to stop the precious heart you’d been given. “Do you know the odds of us meeting naturally? Of us loving each other naturally? It’s slim to none. You set this up to fulfill some twisted fantasy.”

“I didn’t!” you shouted then, voice wet with the tears spilling over your cheeks. “Why can’t you believe we love each other?”

“Because you have Maeve’s heart!” Spencer shouted, eyes finally releasing the tears he’d been holding back all this time. “I thought I was over her but clearly I was just drawn to her again. It was never about you, I must’ve known it was her.”

This wasn’t happening. It was supposed to be magical, but all you felt now was that you must’ve been handed a curse worse than Maleficent’s. You were given a chance to live but you’d lost the one person you truly loved because of that same chance. There was no way Spencer was drawn to you because of her, it had to have been you, right? It had to be real, there was no other option.

“Fine, if you really believe that then you won’t have to see me again,” you forced out, trying to steel up your expression so he wouldn’t see you so vulnerable. He didn’t deserve to see that anymore. “Goodbye, Spencer. I hope you find peace someday.”

Each step you took out of that hospital felt impossible. The heart that beat furiously in your chest ached with a pain you had never known before. You wondered if Maeve Reid had known this kind of heartbreak too, or if it was new for this muscle entirely. She must have been wonderful for Spencer to have loved her so dearly.

She must have been everything, to be able to simultaneously give you the world and keep all of the important parts of it away from you.

Autumn always brought with it the best colors. It bathed the world in brilliant reds, oranges, and yellows. It enveloped the city in a beautiful golden light that seemed to make everything feel okay.

Nothing was perfect, but you were okay.

“Are you ready?” your best friend and confidante asked as she adjusted the strap on your dress. “This is the big one.”

“No,” you let out a nervous laugh, clenching your hands together so you didn’t run them through your hair and mess up the carefully done style.

What if no one bought your art? What if, after everything, you still weren’t good enough? So many factors could impact the results of tonight, and very few of them did you actually have control over. Tonight, your fate was left to the people in town.

“You’re so talented, Y/N,” your friend reassured you, giving your arms a gentle squeeze before moving out of the way. “Try to relax and enjoy the night.”

And you would. You would step out into the art show meant only for you, and you would try not to remember the last one you’d been to in this building. All night you’d look around the room and visibly shake your head, forcing out images of you and Spencer bonding over art pieces.

This night was about you, and certainly had nothing to do with him. So you’d smile and thank everyone for coming. Each time a piece sold you’d try not to cheer too much. For every journalist who wanted to hear your story, you’d smile and tell of the woman who’d given you a second chance, how you would not waste what she’d given you.

And when your Stories of Grief paintings sold, you tried not to cry. You’d held onto it for months, not wanting to get rid of the one reminder of Spencer you had. He was well and truly gone from your life now like a terrible, but great, dream.

“I always did love those paintings.” It had been months since you’d heard it, but you’d know that voice anywhere. His voice was soft now, gentle so as to not scare you. Though you didn’t turn your head from the art, you could feel his presence beside you now.

“Why are you here?” you asked, sounding more tired than the anger you’d wanted to convey. Because the truth of the matter was, you weren’t even mad at him. How could a simple word such as angry possibly convey all you were feeling now?

“I missed you,” Spencer admitted, and finally you turned to face him. After so many months, all you could see was that he looked exhausted. Dark circles hung under his eyes even deeper than you’d remembered. His hands shook a little at his sides, and his hazel eyes couldn’t keep still on your face for too long before looking around the room.

“Really? You missed me?”

How could it possibly be that easy? Did he truly think he could walk back in here and win you back just like that?

You wanted him back. There was nothing you wanted more than to forgive him and jump into his arms. Still, the way Spencer had told you everything between you had been a lie—had been because of the heart beating in your chest—still played on a loop in your head. He’d taken a gift and turned it into something tragic, something painted in thorns and ruin.

“I have something to show you.”

“I’m not going anywhere with you, Spencer,” you told him, knowing that though it would be hard you had to look out for yourself this time. “I have to be here.”

“When tonight is over, please,” Spencer begged, expression melting as he pleaded with you to trust him. “I’ve been trying to find you for weeks. The restaurant said you quit.”

“I realized that job made me feel too safe. Life is never guaranteed, and I don’t intend on wasting what I have now doing anything but what I love,” you explained. It hadn’t been long after Spencer left that you’d quit. Nothing was more terrifying than quitting your stable job to pursue a dream, but it had been worth it.

“I know that now,” Spencer added, “I almost lost you because I couldn’t let go of what made me feel safe.”

“You did lose me, Spencer.” The words hit hard enough for Spencer to flinch.

“Please just think about it. I’ll be at the park across the street if you want to,” he sighed, beginning to take a step away from you. “Have a good night, Y/N.”

It was impossible to focus after that. It was like he’d attached a carabiner to your mind, keeping it tied to him all night. By the time the event was over, you were practically running to the park. What was it that he was so insistent on showing you? What could possibly be there to prove that Spencer really did love you enough to stay?

“You came.” Spencer gasped through the words, sounding like you’d reached in and stolen every bit of air from his lungs. He stood in front of you now, in the little spot you two used to lay out a blanket in and cloudgaze. In his hands were canvases.

“This doesn’t mean you’re forgiven,” you warned, crossing your arms over your chest to hide the way your hands shook. You’d never expected it to be this hard to stay this far from Spencer, to see him and not immediately hug him close.

“I know,” Spencer told you, “and maybe I don’t deserve to be forgiven, but I have to try. Y/N, Maeve was my first love. She understood me in a way no one else had before. When I lost her, I thought my life was over.”

This wasn’t helping. Where could this go now, what had he gotten himself into?

“Then there was you. You came into my life at the perfect time. I was finally ready to move on, but I wasn’t sure there was anyone else quite like her. And there’s not. You’re nothing like her.”

“Spencer, I get it. You don’t have to keep insulting me, we can just p-”

“No! No, I mean you’re so different from her and yet you are one of the most remarkable people I’ve ever met. I love you, Y/N, and that scared me because you weren’t Maeve. For once, I wasn’t stuck on losing her, I was thinking about how lucky I was to get to experience this kind of love twice.”

And God, what could you say to that? Tears built up in your eyes now and you blinked rapidly to clear your view of him. You waited for the joke, for Spencer to tell you that he still wasn’t over Maeve. Instead, he added, “I will always love Maeve, but she’s gone. I think I wasn’t ready to admit that until now. But you, I love you in a completely different way. I can’t imagine life without you now. You saved me, Y/N.”

“You saved me too,” you practically whispered, thinking of how many times you’d declined blind dates because you were scared of anything serious. All your life, you’d been told not to make deep connections because no one knew how much time you had left. Now, with a whole life ahead of you, it had seemed impossible to find anyone worth sharing it with.

Spencer had changed everything.

“I hope you don’t mind, but I made an addition to your work,” Spencer admitted, handing you the canvases in his hand. The top two were your work—the hands of those who had lost each other and those that had saved one another. The third was definitely not yours. It was rugged with rudimentary lines and so many bright colors it might’ve hurt your eyes in any other circumstance. Now, you could only brush your fingertips over the surface and struggle to hold in the cries building up in your throat.

It was you and Spencer, you with a hand outstretched to hold onto his. You were lifting him up from the ground, like it was a zoomed out version of your own.

“Spencer,” you choked out, looking to him for any kind of explanation.

“I don’t want to lose you now that I’ve finally found you, Y/N. You’re everything to me,” Spencer told you, his own tears building up and spilling over his cheeks. “I love you.”

And that, well that was everything you could have ever dreamed of. So you made the choice. Life was short and nothing was ever guaranteed. The safe path would be to walk away from him, to go back to your art gallery and make a life for yourself without him in it. You would take the risk though, to rush into his arms now and promise forever.

It wasn’t perfect, but you were happy and that was all that mattered in the end.

And as you walked away with Spencer, he couldn’t help but think that maybe Maeve had been right about human life being sidereal. How else could he explain getting to be with you now? Constellations were natural arrangements of dozens of individual stars, all coming together at the right time to form something truly beautiful.

The odds of each constellation coming together exactly as they had was astronomical but they had defied all odds just as you and Spencer had.

And just like the stars that shined brightly over you, it was beautiful.

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[iwas-baby]

wicked crown ♛

—sakusa kiyoomi x reader

genre: dark royalty au, drama

about: forced into an unwanted marriage, the prince and now princess must overcome their quarrels as bigger threats are on the rise.

cw: smut, vaginal penetration, degradation, angsty, enemies-to-lovers, curelty (in a way?)… can’t say anymore cuz i don’t wanna spoil it, slap (non-sexual) litreally not proof read at all

a/n: plz don’t hate me for this y’all… this is gonna be real messy

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v. traitor, with love

Standing before Wakatoshi in the gardens, you had been smiling, he was a good person to talk to: he was honest yet also a little flirty without even trying and it was nice to hear such lovely things for a change. Yet, his eyebrows dipped into the center of his forehead.

“Are you happy here, y/n?” You had asked him to stop using formalities at that point. The question had caught you off guard, you weren’t expecting it, looking away with a frown. Your mind went elsewhere, distantly feeling him trace against your cheekbone.

There were a million different ways you could have answered. You could have told him no, which would greatly sum up your feelings. Your mother had forced you into a marriage where you hated the other person. Still, you couldn’t say with all your heart that you despised Kiyoomi because time had passed, conversations had been made and your day out with Prince Wakatoshi made you realize you liked your dynamic with the king much more.

Yet, you could say that you were happy and it would still be a lie. Your life in all honesty was good before you were whisked away to the Capitol. If it weren’t for your mother you’d be painting, or going to the theater or even running around with Atsumu in the stables. You had missed the blonde more than anything but you hadn’t let yourself admit it. How could he react to learning you were now a queen? Surely he must’ve known before you left that you would be betrothed to another. You sighed and when you closed your eyes you could still see his dimples.

“I can’t say,” you finally replied to Wakatoshi. “But I do know that today was the first time I left the palace walls, so I suppose I am happy, and thankful.”

The prince smiled softly, and it contagious spread to you. “I’m happy as well, perhaps next time you’re free of your royal duties and I’m in Itachiyama we can do something similar.”

“Of course,” you hummed, being caught off guard as he leaned forward, planting a kiss against your cheek. His lips were smooth and felt nice against your skin. Though, it didn’t feel right, there was something you couldn’t put your finger on.

“I should get going, I’m sure King Kiyoomi will be looking for me,” and as you said that without even thinking about it first you realized what was so odd about Wakatoshi’s kiss.

You needed to be a better wife, perhaps attempt to be more sweet because if you thought about it, love was just a reach away all you had to do was run to grab it. Yet, when you think of the man that was standing an arms length away, his face would be blurred, the hair color switching between blond and black.

Walking away from Prince Wakatoshi, you had no idea where he would be headed next, but you didn’t really care. You needed to find Kiyoomi, anyways and tell him about everything you and Wakatoshi spoke about.

Stepping foot back into the palace, Maeve was patiently waiting. She must’ve been there all day but when you saw her, she seemed anxious.

Bowing to greet you, she couldn’t hold in the thing that was eating away at her, “I’m glad you returned, Your Majesty, I want to inform you that there’s something wrong with the king.”

“What do you mean wrong? Is he ill?” You questioned but Maeve shook her head.

“He’s angry, very angry.” She looked paler than normal at the statement, as if scared by his rage. You quietly asked if she knew his favorite food to perhaps ease his ill temper. She nodded, instructing you what to get and you started toward the kitchen but not without Maeve telling you “goodluck.”

It seemed like a recurring theme: you bringing the king food whenever he was upset. You didn’t mind, though, standing in front of his door with a smile. You’d craved seeing him again, and it felt odd to admit it but the events of the past few days had left you pent up.

“What do you want?” Maeve was right to say he was angry, “I don’t have time for this.”

You tilted your head, whining and staring up at him, “you don’t have time to discuss what I learned from Prince Wakatoshi?”

His lips were pressed together, looking down at the plate that was in your hand. He once again found himself letting you in despite being unsure whether or not he should trust you. His uncle’s words and his father’s ghostly warnings would have advised him otherwise.

“I’ve concluded that Shiratorizawa is not our enemy,” you explained. There were two armchairs and one lovechair set up near the room’s fireplace, so of course, you set down the plate of pickled plums on the small coffee table in the center. You followed that action by slumping down on the love seat, exhausted from going out.

“And how have you concluded that?” Kiyoomi sat on an arm chair, also slumping down, resting his elbow on the handle and leaning his head against his hand. You chewed on the inside of your cheek, trying to find a good way to explain your thoughts.

“There seems no reason that they should want or benefit from going to war. The prince talked to me about all the treaties his father and yours signed in order to uphold peace. I believe Wakatoshi firmly stands behind those notions as well.”

“Is that what Wakatoshi thinks?” He spat out, making you flinch in response. You were used to the teasing and sour attitude but this was different, he wanted to be mean. Quietly, you nodded.

Kiyoomi fixed his posture, “and why should I believe you?”

You were taken aback, “because I’m your wife and I have no reason to lie.”

“A wife who doesn’t love me, though.” He rubbed his fingers together like he was pinching sand. His words rang through your head, was he mad that you spent the day with the prince?

Maybe it was true that you didn’t love him but you did need his trust. You slowly rose up, looming over Kiyoomi, staring down at him with a gentle gaze. Placing your hand against his shoulder, you boldly sat yourself back down on his lap.

“And I have a husband who doesn’t love me either,” you sighed, creeping your fingers up to play with the curls against the scruff of his neck. “But I trust him.”

Your heart was beating and you could tell by his heavy breathing that his too was accelerated. Kiyoomi gripped your waist, his face inching closer, his breath mixing with yours.

“The time I spent with the prince,” you started, “was simply to get information, which is honestly shared with you.”

It was tempting not to ask him about what he and Karasuno’s Queen discussed but it didn’t come up, being distracted by his large, rough hands wrapped around your neck. He had a predatory look flashing in his eyes and as he squeezed into your smooth sink, you felt yourself gasp.

“Is that the only reason you came here?” He interrogated, making your eyes widen. You felt yourself flush, it had been something that had been on your mind all day.

“I want you to make love to me, Kiyoomi,” you admitted, embarrassed. He scanned your face, thinking critically about what he was about to do next. Quickly, he pushed his lips against yours.

You squirmed against him, feeling his hardening length underneath you. Moaning, you peeled your mouth off of his, staring into his lustful eyes.

The king proceeded to pick you up as if you were a new bride, tossing you onto his bed. You lay on your bed watching as Kiyoomi lifted your legs and tore off your undergarments. He was like a hungry animal, growling as he began to unbuckle his own pants.

You shivered seeing how he sprung free his hardening cock. He pumped it quickly, staring at your cunt with eager eyes but you could still tell by the lines on his face that he still had lingering anger.

His dick was big, rubbing it along your soaking cunt, slowly teasing the tip into your hole. With one thrust, you’d nearly engulfed half of his length, with a few more inches to go. At first you winced, squirming around. That was, until you kept Kiyoomi’s strong hands pin you down.

“Stop moving, I know you can take it,” he growled. You whimpered, letting him bottom out and keeping still for another moment so you could adjust to his size.

“Move, please,” you begged, signaling for your husband to finally begin.

Kiyoomi’s hips snapped forward, his thick cock dragging against your warm walls and with every movement his head rambed against your sensitive g-spot. For a second, though, his pace faltered, slowing down to throw your legs over his shoulder. This action, in turn, let him reach even deeper which you thought would have been impossible.

“Is this what you wanted? To be fucked like a whore?” He said through grit teeth, his breathing getting heavy.

“Mhm,” you responded but it only earned you a scoff.

He kept abusing your hole, his fingernails leaving crescent moons in your thighs as your loud and shameless moans echoed in the room. Your body was rocking back and forth with the bed as he was using his whole force to fuck you.

“I think,” you panted, barely able to string your thoughts together, “m gonna cum.” Your legs trembled in his grasp, feeling his hold on you tighten.

His movements went on, stimulating your clit until your gummy walls were clenched around him, making his head tip back in pleasure. Yet, Kiyoomi still needed to reach his own climax, continuously rutting into your messy cunt.

It was then that you began to feel the overstimulation, your mouth hanging open as your eyes shut, reaching for something to hold onto. With your eyes closed, your mind began to shift, especially with your husband fucking you with such stamina.

“Tell me how much you love it,” the king interrupted your mindlessness, “tell me how much you love my fucking cock.”

“I love it,” you groaned, “mm-ahh I love your cock.” Kiyoomi smirked with a laugh, lipping his lower lip as he pulled out before slamming his dick right back into you.

“Good girl.”

Your eyelids felt weak, barely strong enough to peek through, seeing how his predatory gaze kept you frozen and under his control. So slowly, your eyes closed again, and despite enjoying what Kiyoomi was giving you, you couldn’t banish the intruding thoughts.

You imagined a different man there. Similarly to before, when you questioned your love, one minute it was Kiyoomi bringing you bliss, and the next it was Atsumu. As soon as he flashed in your mind, you tried to expel the thought, but the more you tried not thinking about him, the more he came up.

Picturing Atstumu there, his own dick pulsing within you, while he told you sweet nothings, bending forward, pressing your body into the mattress and kissing your lips. He was kissing along your neck, slowly undressing you. It was heated, more passionate even.. no, you thought, this isn’t right.

Despite that, you were struggling to think of Kiyoomi, trying to paint him in another light; one that would make your core feel as though it was on fire, similar to how the image of Atsumu made you feel.

Once again, you were brought back to him, thinking of him licking your cunt while holding eye contact. He moaned into your pussy, sending shivers through your whole body.

So lost in your own world, you missed Kiyoomi’s words, warning you that he was going to cum, that you were squeezing him so good.

Kiyoomi felt himself coming undone, his cock twitching in your walls, letting out a guttural moan, almost loud enough to overpower your own words.

You had tried so, so hard not to say it, fighting against it in every way but you couldn’t stop his name from rolling off your tongue. In your mind, everything had happened so fast, blurting Atsumu’s name to feeling Kiyoomi come on your stomach.

Slapping your hand over your mouth, his eyes pierced into you.

“What?” His voice was sharp and low. You didn’t have a chance to explain yourself as he grabbed you by the arm and forcefully pulled you up. He held onto you so tightly, it pinched your skin and you could feel a bruise forming already.

“I-” you didn’t have a chance to explain yourself, wincing and whimpering at the pain.

“I knew it,” your husband hissed, practically spitting in your face. He didn’t explain what it was that he knew, dragging you out of the room with little to no mind that you couldn’t keep up with his angered pace.

You passed maids, who flashed horrified looks but turned a blind eye to your situation as you pleaded to Kiyoomi to just let you explain.

“Please,” you cried, “I didn’t mean it!” You screamed, trying to resist which only backfired on you. He stopped in his tracks, hardly able to think straight, slapping you once across the face, leaving the sound of skin hitting skin echoing off the walls.

You were too shocked to move, frozen once more as he pulled you towards a part of the palace that you’d never been to. It was an arched wooden door with a black metal handle and as Kiyoomi opened it, you were trembling with fear.

It led to a dark curved staircase, only illuminated by a torch. With one hand, Kiyoomi grabbed said torch and with the other he proceeded to drag you down the stairs. You missed steps, nearly falling, heart racing and fogging your mind so that you could barely think straight.

The staircase seemed to go on forever until finally, you were at the end. You were in a small corridor filled with six small, filthy cells: this was the palace dungeon.

“No, no, please you can’t!” But Kiyoomi paid you no mind while he lit a torch that was positioned by one cell, marching you towards the end of the corridor, taking a set of keys and bringing you back to the lit cell.

He slowly unlocked it, the sound of clanging keys filled you with dread. The door swung open and you could hardly see anything amongst the darkness. You could only feel as he pushed you in as you hit the ground, causing cuts to form on your elbows and face.

The last thing you saw before the door shut on you was the evil infused face of the King of Itachiyama, glaring down on you with no mercy in his eyes.

“Traitor scum,” where his final words, dawning onto you that this was Kiyoomi’s breaking point– he was going to start a war.

taglist [closed]: @haikyutiehoe @momochimo @luna-mothii @omi-kunslysol @batireads @taelia15 @soranihimawari @rintarovibes @amarinthe @noblesavagex @tirzamisu @wolffmaiden @erishium @natkookiecat @hello0i

© all work belongs to iwas-baby on tumblr, please do not plagiarize, repost or translate anywhere

#reblogs are greatly appreciated!! #wicked crown series #sakusa x reader #sakusa smut #sakusa angst #sakusa series #sakusa x reader smut #sakusa x reader angst #sakusa x you #sakusa headcanons #haikyuu sakusa #sakusa drabbles #sakusa oneshot #haikyuu fantasy au #sakusa kiyoomi #sakusa #sakusa imagine #sakusa kiyoomi hcs #sakusa drabble #sakusa kiyoomu smut #sakusa kiyoomi x reader #haikyuu smut #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu x reader smut #haikyuu scenarios

[rowanaelinn]

Slipped away - chapter one

prompt - single parent @rowaelinscourt

“It’s cold,” Fenrys complained, sitting on Rowan’s new couch.

“We are in the north, you dumbass.” Lorcan snapped. “Of course it’s colder than what you’re used to.”

“Doranelle is in the North too.”

Lorcan took a deep breath, apparently, he wasn’t feeling very patient today. “I don’t know, Fenrys, it might be because we are on a whole other continent, maybe?”

Rowan snorted at his friends, Fenrys was playing dumb just to annoy Lorcan and as always, it worked. They were enjoying their last day of rest before their first day of work tomorrow. It wasn't a new job, not really. The company they worked for had just moved from Doranelle to Orynth, and of course, Rowan and the other employees had to move too.

Rowan knew that with the opening of the new Valg Industries headquarters the next few months would not be smooth sailing, but he believed in himself. Maeve was so confident that she even promoted him. It was a new beginning for Rowan and he was happy about it, his life in Doranelle was the perfect definition of dull. Not that he hated it, he was just glad to be away from his cousins. He didn’t hate them, they were just so… meddlesome.

Rowan walked into his kitchen and opened his fridge, empty. He cursed under his breath. The few bottles of beer he had last night ran out very quickly, they didn’t even have leftovers of the pizza they ordered yesterday. Which was a problem because Rowan was starving and there was no way he would order food for the second night in a row, it had already bothered him to do so yesterday.

He checked his watch, six in the afternoon. He was pretty sure the grocery store didn’t close before seven, he had little time if he wanted to go there. He needed to be quick. “Going shopping, be gone when I come back,” Rowan told his friends as he picked his car key. He needed some time alone but he knew they would probably still be there when he came back, his friends weren’t ones to listen.

He slammed the front door behind him and got into his car. It still smelled new, the leather still a little too stiff under Rowan's body. He had gotten the car yesterday, he had decided that if he was going to change his life, he would do it all the way. Nothing in his life in Doranelle set foot in Terrasen except his friends and his job.

Rowan lived in an upscale residence in downtown Orynth. Between his family's money and the money he was making even before he was promoted, he could afford it. He didn't want to live in the apartments that the company offered to its employees, he needed some peace and quiet.

So Rowan took a house that was too big for him, in a suburb full of family, as if he wasn't almost thirty and wasn't still alone. He had never felt so out of place, but he would get used to it.

He had chosen the opposite of the life he had until then, wanting space. He had left to forget.

When he pulled into the grocery store parking lot, Rowan could have sworn he saw a familiar face. He blinked and it was gone, he shook his head. How could he recognize anyone if he had never been to Terassen? He needed to sleep.

He got out of his car and shivered slightly. Maybe Fenrys was right, it wasn't cold but it was definitely colder than Doranelle at this time of year.

He walked into the store, it was large. Everything in Terassen looked big. The houses, the buildings, the stores... Rowan could get used to it.

He took a basket from the entrance and went straight to the vegetables. The store was almost empty considering the time of day, he could hear a couple of kids laughing in the background but otherwise, everything was quiet. It felt good to be away from the world.

He selected enough vegetables for three days, preferring to shop for short periods rather than a whole week. It made less mess and allowed him to control what he ate. That's one of the things he needed, control.

"Gotcha!" He heard a woman's voice laugh rather loudly.

"Noooo!" A little girl said and Rowan heard her laugh and ran. Gods, children were loud.

A few seconds later, something hit Rowan's legs. He looked down to find a little girl. She was a brunette with blue eyes. She laughed and stood up. "Sorry," she said before running off again to lose whoever was trying to catch her, but it was too late. A tall blonde lady came running up and threw herself on top of the little girl, grabbing her under the arms and throwing her over her shoulder. The little girl screamed with laughter and tried to struggle as the adult spun around. "Stop!" the child screamed but continued to laugh.

Rowan felt like he was intruding but he couldn't stop the tip of his lips from rising slightly. The adult stopped spinning but did not let go of the child, the little one wrapped her arms around the woman's neck and hid her head. "Hey, little monster, did you apologize?" She asked, her eyes still on the little one. Rowan couldn't see her face with the hair hiding it. "Huh?" She shook the little girl slightly but she refused to look at her.

"She did," Rowan said, not wanting the little girl to get into trouble. When the woman looked at him, his heart stopped beating and his whole body froze. It was impossible.

Did the gods hate him that much? What had he done to them for them to punish him like that?

Her eyes widened and he noticed her body going still, her hold around the girl tightening. Her mouth opened and then closed.

As he had been years before, he was struck by the intensity of Aelin Galathynius’s gaze. These blue and gold eyes were mesmerizing, had always been and always will.

His only thought was that she looked older, but since he had last seen her when she was nineteen it wasn’t surprising. She looked like a woman now, and womanhood suited her. She was wearing a white shirt and black skirt, a simple outfit for a working woman, and yet Rowan couldn’t help but stare longer than necessary at her body. If she had been beautiful seven years ago, she was magnificent now.

He wanted to punch himself in the face, so much work to forget about everything that happened, so much work to ignore the guilt and pain just to be ruined by a meeting in a grocery store.

“Rowan,” she breathed.

“Hi, Aelin.”

The little girl looked at him and he noticed everything she had in common with Aelin. Her eyes first, and the same nose and lips. They looked so similar.

Suddenly he was struck by the truth standing in front of him. While it had taken everything in him to try to forget about her, Aelin had moved on. And she had a daughter. Aelin had a life and if the laugh she let out a minute before was any indication, she was happy.

“What are you doing here?” He blurted.

A snort. “What am I doing in a grocery store?”

“In Orynth.”

“This is my hometown.” She said, her voice so tight he couldn’t guess what she might be feeling. It had always been so damn hard to read her. Orynth was her hometown? How come he never knew that? He knew she was from Terassen, her accent betraying her, but didn’t know exactly where. He knew so much about her but at the same time so little. That little truth hurt. “What are you doing here?”

“I moved. For work.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah.” Fuck, that was awkward. “How old is your daughter?” He asked, nodding toward the small girl playing with Aelin’s hair. Aelin looked at her and her expression softened a little.

“Oh, no. She isn’t my…” She took a deep breath. “She’s Aedion and Lysandra’s daughter. I’m just babysitting for the night.” Right, Aedion. That’s why the small girl looks so much like Aelin. “Remember Aedion?”

Of course, he did, last time he saw the man Rowan got his nose broken and a black eye. He wouldn’t forget his old friend so soon. But Rowan didn’t care about that, right now he only cared that Aelin, in fact, didn’t have a daughter. It was easier to breathe suddenly. “Yeah.”

“But she’s four,” Aelin said and he knew it was only so she had something to say. Talking was awkward but the silence was worse.

Before he could say anything else, someone interrupted them by hitting Aelin’s legs, hugging them. This girl was blonde, Ashryver blonde. Gods, how many children did Lysandra and Aedion have?

The youngest paused on the ground and did not waste time before leaving from where she came. Aelin seemed to forget Rowan's entire existence as she knelt down to face the child, though she looked even tenser than a few minutes before.

"Hey, pumpkin, what's going on?" She asked softly, delicately taking the girl's grip to force her to look at her. "Tell me."

"Asper pulled my hair!" The girl cried and Aelin smiled.

"Did you try to tickle his neck?" She asked, making Rowan choke. Aelin didn’t spare him a glance. He wanted to ask her why she wasn’t punishing this Asper for pulling hair but he guessed Aelin would beat him up if he questioned how Aedion chose to raise his children. “You know how sensitive he is.” She smiled at the child. The girl sniffed heavily and Aelin used her sleeve to dry her tears. "Go back over there, I'll be there in two minutes." The child nodded briskly and before she left, she turned her head to Rowan.

His blood ran cold as green eyes fixed on him.

She looked like Aelin on the little one before, of course, but not only that. Did she... No. Lysandra had green eyes too. Rowan could have sworn that Lysandra's eyes were much lighter, but he hadn't seen her in seven years. He was wrong. He had to be wrong.

"Hi!" She said with a big smile. She was missing a tooth in the front, but that didn't take away from her charm.

Rowan swallowed, "Um, Hi." He managed to smile but he couldn't help that she looked too little like Lysandra.

“Are you a grandpa?” The girl asked and Rowan choked. “Only grandpa has grey hair.” She smiled and looked proud of herself. Silver, his damn hair is silver, not grey.

"Go ahead, Helia," Aelin said before Rowan could answer, her voice firm. She pushed the little one toward the alley away from Rowan. Aelin stood up when the little one was gone and his eyes shot to hers.

"It was nice to see you again," she said but he knew she was thinking the exact opposite. Rowan's heart was beating so loudly that Rowan could hear it pounding in his ears.

"Aelin," He called to her, stopping her in her tracks. " Just how... How old is she?"

"Bye, Rowan." Her voice left no room for questions, but he didn't care. He didn't care about what happened in college and now wasn't the time to start.

"Answer me." Not a question and she knew it. He could swear he saw the gold ring in her eyes flutter, a sign he had learned to recognize as anger. Well, let her be angry, he deserved answers.

"Ace, is everything okay?" A man with nearly black hair and sapphire blue eyes asked him. A boy a little taller than Helia was sitting on the man's shoulders and when Rowan saw his green eyes...

He had to be wrong.

"Aelin?" The man asked again as Aelin hadn't looked at him yet, her gaze still on Rowan.

"Yes." She replied with her voice cold. "My friend was just leaving, right?"

The way she said the word "friend" was anything but friendly. Fuck, he wanted to yell at her, he wanted to demand answers now, but he didn't. The two little girls were behind Aelin and the man, watching what was going on.

"Answer my question first."

"Get out." She gritted through her teeth.

"Why do you have your angry voice, Mommy?" The little boy asked and suddenly Aelin's eyes softened and she looked at the boy. She grabbed him by the underarms and took him in her arms.

Mommy.

Her son.

Clearly not the son of the man next to Aelin. He looked about six, maybe even seven.

No. That was impossible. It was only one night. One night he had spent the last seven years regretting...

“Mommy’s not angry.” She smiled as she caressed her son’s hair. Their… No, her son. For all Rowan knew, Aelin only had a thing for men with green eyes. It meant nothing. “But she’s busy right now, go back to the car with uncle Dorian, okay? Then we’ll eat pizza, that’s your favorite, right?” The three kids cheered and Aelin gave her son to the man, Dorian.

“You okay?” He asked, touching Aelin’s shoulder. Rowan didn’t know why but he wanted to slap the man.

“Yeah, I’ll be there in two minutes.” She reassured him and he nodded, letting Aelin’s son on his shoulder as he held the two girls by their hands and walked back to the parking lot. Rowan wanted to stop him, wanted to ask that boy and girl how old they were but they were just kids. He couldn’t scare them. This was between Rowan and Aelin.

“I deserve the truth.”

“You don’t deserve shit. Not after what you did.”

“It was between me and you, not between me and-” He was cut off by her.

“There is nothing between you and them. Do you understand me? Nothing.” Them. So the girl…

He couldn’t take it. She had made it clear already, deep inside he knew the answer to his question but he needed to hear her say it. “Are they mine?” He finally asked and if looks could kill, Rowan would be buried already.

“They are mine.”

Why did she have to be so fucking complicated? He clenched his fists, trying to keep his anger inside him but it was so damn hard. “Am I their father?”

Both of them were breathing heavily and Rowan was glad for the empty store now, not wanting to cause a scene. “No.” Her voice was lethal and Rowan’s mind froze. He didn’t know if it was a good thing or not. But they looked so much like him… “If your question is whether or not you knocked me up, the answer is yes. But you are not a father. Never been and never will be to them.”

They were his. Rowan’s entire world stopped and he wasn’t sure how he kept standing. He was a father, no matter what Aelin said.

“How could you hide this from me? How could you take them away from me?” He was screaming now. He didn’t care about causing a scene anymore, he didn’t care about anything but the two kids in a car outside. “They are my kids!”

“You don’t even know their fucking name!” She was screaming too, cheeks red. Fuck, why did she always had to be the most attractive when she was angry? He hated her so fucking much. “I am the one who’s been raising them alone for almost seven fucking years!” She didn’t look alone, not with that Dorian by her side.

Suddenly, he knew Aedion didn’t punch him for what he and Aelin shared the last night he saw her. He had punched him for getting his cousin pregnant. He knew Aelin hadn’t been honest about what happened between them after the sex or he would have been dead by now, so now he was sure it was because of the kids. He had deserved it, deserved more than the five punches Aedion managed to give Rowan before Fenrys and Lorcan separated them.

“I will die before I let you treat my children like you treated me. Get out of Terassen, nobody wants you here.”

She left storming out of the store without her groceries and Rowan was frozen. He knew he should go back after her and apologize, he should beg her for a chance to know his kids but he couldn’t move.

He had children, twins. And Aelin had been raising them alone because of him, because of what happened.

He was so fucking screwed.

He didn’t care about what Aelin told him, he wouldn’t go anywhere. It was too late to save what could have happened between him and Aelin, it had been too late since the night she left his apartment in tears. But it wasn’t too late for his children and he would fight for them.

————

@sheharahu // @morganofthewildfire // @thestoriesyoutell // @fromthelibraryofemilyj // @swankii-art-teacher // @itsforeverinnocent-blog // @becarefuloflove // @imnotsogoodatthis // @rowaelinismyotp // @a-court-of-milkandhoney // @feysand-loml // @surielandiareendgame // @live-the-fangirl-life // @story-scribbler // @loves-books // @fangirlprincess09 // @theysayitscrazy // @hellasblessed

#rowaelin #rowan whitethorn #rowan x aelin #rowaelin fanfiction #throne of glass fanfiction #rowaelin month #rowaelinmonth #slipped away

[parkerslatte]

Happy Place

Spencer Reid x Fem!Reader

Warnings: mentions of injury, torture 

Word Count: 3k

Summary: After being kidnapped and tortured by an unsub, Y/N thinks of Spencer to keep her grounded.

MASTERLIST

***

Throughout her life Y/N was always told that whenever something bad happened to her, she should go to her happy place. When she was sad, she would go to her happy place. When she was hurting, she would go to her happy place. When there was a tough case, Y/N would go to her happy place. However all these instances didn’t prepare her for the torture she would soon come to endure. 

She was on her way home from work early since she had finished all the work she had needed to complete. At first, she was going to wait around for Spencer so they could leave together but Spencer told her to leave since he would be staying late that night. Y/N pressed a kiss to his lips before leaving without another thought. What she didn’t know was she was only half an hour away from enduring the worst pain she would ever feel.

Y/N climbed into her car, turned the radio on before driving off. She sang lightly to the radio as she drove, following the route home like the back of her hand. It was beginning to get dark and Y/N was looking forward to going home and sinking into a hot bath and relaxing. It had been a tough week with paperwork and cases so Y/N was looking forward to her day off. 

There were barely any cars on the road so everything was quiet except for the radio playing softly in the background. Someone stepped out in front of Y/N’s car causing her to swerve before totally stopping. She looked out of the rear view mirror and saw the person on the floor collapse. Without thinking, Y/N climbed out of the car and rushed over to the body laying in the middle of the road. The person wasn’t moving which worried Y/N. 

“Hey, hey, are you okay?” Y/N asked softly.

What Y/N didn’t prepare for was the man rolling over and hitting her over the head with something, knocking her out cold. 

***

People always say that your life flashes before your eyes when you think you’re going to die, but Y/N’s life was flashing before her eyes when she knew she was very much alive. Everything and everyone she had ever loved replayed in her head over and over again like clockwork. Her abductor sat across from her, watching. He hadn’t done anything yet which caused Y/N to be confused. 

She watched as his jaw clenched and his foot tapped on the floor, growing more and more irritated with each passing second. Every time Y/N moved even the slightest bit, he would tap his food even more and pick at his nail beds. What Y/N didn’t prepare for however, was the man lunging forward, reeling his hand back before bringing it back down to her face with a loud smack.

***

Y/N smiled over her coffee cup at Spencer who was going through countless files. She thought no one noticed but of course, someone did. Luckily it wasn’t Spencer.

“You do realise you’re being really obvious right?” JJ’s voice caused Y/N to snap out of her daydream. 

Y/N cast her gaze away from Spencer to face JJ. Even though Y/N knew what JJ was talking about, she faked a confused expression on her face that she was sure JJ could see right through.

“What do you mean?”

“You’ve been staring at Spence for the past few minutes. Just go and talk to him,” JJ stated, “Or ask him out.”

Y/N swatted JJ’s arm gently, “Keep your voice down,” Y/N whispered, “And besides, I don’t want to disrupt his work.”

JJ sighed, “Y/N listen, I don’t know how much longer I can take of this.”

Y/N’s eyebrows furrowed in actual confusion this time, “Take more of what?”

“Of yours and Reid’s constant glances at each other.” JJ said.

Y/N sighed, “I’m just worried that it will ruin our friendship if we get into a fight or anything like that. And I’m not even sure he’s ready to be in another relationship, not after Maeve.”

“Y/N, I know that you probably don’t see it, but it seems as if Spence is over Maeve - especially from where I’m standing.”

“But what if-”

JJ placed her hand on Y/N’s shoulder gently to stop her talking, “You shouldn’t worry at all. And it’s clear to everyone that you two love each other, so I say go for it.”

Y/N looked over to Spencer who looked up from his work and locked eyes with Y/N. Whenever Y/N looked into Spencer’s eyes, it felt like home to her. It brought her a sense of comfort. 

JJ gave Y/N a nudge in Spencer’s direction. Y/N broke eye contact with Spencer for a brief moment to look back at JJ. 

“Ask him out.” She mumbled.

Y/N smiled slightly before heading over to Spencer. He watched her walk over every step of the way, a smile stretching across his own face. As she got to his desk, Spencer moved his chair backwards slightly so Y/N had room to perch on the side of his desk. 

“You nearly finished your work?” Y/N questioned.

“Yeah, I’ve got a couple more files to go through but I’m pretty much done. What are you asking?”

JJ walked past Spencer’s desk and stood behind him and mouthed to Y/N, ‘Ask him out’

Y/N briefly glanced at JJ before looking back at Spencer, “I was just wondering if you wanted to do something? With me. After work,” Y/N paused for a moment, “Like a date?”

Spencer didn’t react at first which caused a surge of panic to flow through Y/N. It wasn’t until a small smile appeared on his face when the panic dispersed. 

“You want to go on a date with me?”

“Of course I do, why wouldn’t I?”

Spencer shrugged although the smile was still evident on his face, “I don’t know, I just thought you didn’t like me in that way.”

“Well Dr. Reid, as a matter of fact, I do like you in that way,” Y/N teased, “So what about that date?”

“I would love to go on a date with you Y/N.” Spencer replied.

***

Pain surged through Y/N’s body after she was kicked and beaten. She was sprawled out across the floor. She was alone, her abductor had left her alone a few minutes ago but not after locking the door behind him. Y/N braced herself before lifting her head up from the floor. Y/N had been beaten before, gained a few nasty bruises from different cases but never any this severe. Her whole body was littered in bruises, some were more painful than others but they all hurt nonetheless. 

Despite the pain however, Y/N managed to sit up fully before crawling across the floor to a set of drawers to help pull her to her feet. Even though she was beaten and bruised, she still tried to find an alternate exit. The door that her abductor had exited out of was not an option. The only other exit was the small window. 

Y/N limped over to the window. Her body was crying out to her to stop with every step she took. The window was too far up for her to reach on her own. Frantically, her eyes scanned over the room for something she could stand on to reach the window. There was a rotting wooden crate over in the corner of the room. Y/N scurried over to it before gripping onto it with her hands and pushed it over to the window. As she pushed it, pieces of rotten wood came off and fell to the floor. She only hoped that it could take her weight when she stood on it.

Footsteps were heard coming up the stairs. Y/N immediately stopped pushing the crate and headed back to her place on the floor. With every slight movement, Y/N winced. Just pushing the crate felt like fire was coursing through her veins. 

The abductor came into the room, pulling a chair behind him. He placed the chair legs flat on the floor. He leaned down to grip tightly onto Y/N’s upper arm and pulled her roughly to sit in the chair. He tied her arms to arms on the chair and tied her legs up as well, preventing her from moving. 

“Why are you doing this?” Y/N tried to sound calm, but her voice failed her. She sounded scared and hurt. Just what her abductor wanted. 

Her abductor only smirked before unlocking a drawer behind him. Pulling out many different knives and sharp objects, Y/N felt her breathing hitch. If she was in pain now, she only knew that the pain to come would be unimaginable. 

***

It was a few months into their relationship and Y/N and Spencer couldn’t be happier. Even the team could see their shift in mood. They couldn’t think of anyone more perfect for each other. 

Y/N headed up to Spencer’s apartment. She had been away for a couple of weeks visiting family and she hadn’t seen Spencer at all. Of course they had shared countless phone calls but it wasn’t the same as being with each other physically. Y/N didn’t know but Spencer had been sulking around in Y/N’s absence. The team was glad she was coming back. 

She stood outside his apartment and raised his hand to knock. Y/N had told Spencer that she wasn’t going to be home until the following day, she wanted to surprise him. Her fist made contact with the door as she knocked. The sound echoing. 

Y/N could hear shuffling inside before the door swung open. At first Spencer didn’t process that Y/N was standing in front of him until his eyes went wide.

“Y/N!” He said excitedly. Almost instantly, he lunged forward and wrapped his arms around Y/N. Her arms wrapped back around him and she let out a giggle when he picked her up from the floor and spun her around. 

“You said you weren’t getting back until tomorrow.” Spencer continued, setting her down on her feet but his arms still wrapped around her.

“I wanted to surprise you.” Y/N mumbled into his shoulder. It felt good to have Spencer in her arms. After two weeks without him, she had missed him immensely. Y/N had never felt this with anyone else before. 

“Consider me surprised.” Spencer mumbled into her hair. 

Spencer pulled away from the hug and pressed his lips to Y/N’s. His hands held onto the sides of her face, fingers becoming tangled in her hair. After two weeks of no contact, Spencer and Y/N’s hands were all over each other. However, before it went any further, Y/N pulled away for a moment. Her hands gripped the front of Spencer’s shirt.

“Let’s move this inside, we don’t want your neighbours to walk out and see something they don’t want to see.” Y/N mumbled before she slowly pushed Spencer back into his apartment, shutting the door behind her. 

***

Y/N was beginning to fall in and out of consciousness. If her body was beaten and bruised before, try adding bloody to it. Her body was on fire as she forced herself to stay awake. Every time she shut her eyes, she felt herself begin to drift into an unconscious state. Forcing her eyes open for what Y/N felt like was the hundredth time, she felt her abductor plunge a knife into her leg, causing Y/N to yell out in pain. 

“Stay awake.” He hissed. 

Y/N stared the abductor in the eyes before it felt like a black curtain was drawn on her vision. She was unconscious. 

***

Y/N and Spencer were four years into their relationship and they were going stronger than ever. Most of Y/N’s friends envied their relationship - it was perfect. What most people were surprised by however, was the fact that Y/N L/N hadn't become Y/N Reid yet. The couple was questioned multiple times on when they were getting married but the two always avoided the subject.

It wasn’t until Penelope demanded the two an answer as to why they weren’t married yet was when they finally answered. 

“We don’t want our relationship to fall apart after marriage.” Y/N answered honestly. 

Everyone around the table was shocked by the answer. They had never seen a more perfect couple in their lives. Of course this caused even more questions to be thrown in the couple’s direction. Some of which the couple couldn’t answer because they simply didn’t have one. 

“You two just need to get married then have kids so I can be the godmother.” Penelope spurted out.

“Woah, slow down there Penelope,” Y/N chuckled, “And getting married just wasn’t one of our number one priorities.”

Even though Y/N said that getting married wasn’t one of their top priorities, the team began to ask questions about their perfect wedding. To which Y/N and Spencer answered honestly, a small wedding with close friends and family. The team, of course, took their answers into account and a couple of weeks later, Y/N L/N became Y/N Reid.

The couple couldn’t be happier.

***

The pain Y/N was feeling was horrendous. Her abductor had left and hadn’t come back in a while but she was too weak to even attempt to free herself. Y/N tried to go to her happy place several times but she couldn’t help but focus on the pain. 

There were several times when she wished that her abductor would come back to finish off the job so she didn’t have to go through the pain any longer. But Y/N was determined to get back to her friends and Spencer. 

A couple of weeks ago, Y/N and Spencer had spoken about starting a family. They had been together for years and it was getting to the point where they wanted to expand their family of two to a family of three. Of course, their job was a main factor as to why they hadn’t started a family yet but now they felt like it was the right time to. Y/N wasn’t going to die before she let that happen. 

Y/N had lost count on how long she had been tied to the chair for but it couldn’t have been more than a few hours. She was sure that the team were doing all they could to try and find her so Y/N held on to hope. 

It felt like Y/N had been sitting in the chair for forever before she heard movement coming from somewhere downstairs. She panicked, thinking it was her abductor coming back. It wasn’t until she heard a voice when the panic was replaced with utter joy. 

“Y/N has to be here, search the entire house.” It was the voice of Emily Prentiss. 

Y/N tried to call out to try and signal her location but her throat was scratchy and dry, she doubted anyone could hear her. Footsteps were heard coming up the stairs and Y/N desperately struggled in the chair despite the pain she was in. She was going to be saved. 

The door handle to the room jiggled. Y/N let out a small gasp before trying to shout again, it was quiet but she was sure the person on the other side had heard her.

“She’s in here!” The voice yelled and Y/N's heart swelled. It was Spencer.

The door was busted open and Spencer rushed into the room. His eyes filled with worry as he took in Y/N’s appearance. He rushed over and immediately began to untie her, shouting that he needed a medic. 

Y/N felt tears stream down her cheeks as Spencer helped her out of the chair and laid her down on the floor. He bent over her and gently wiped her tears away. Y/N brought her hand up to his face and held his cheek lightly. She offered him a small smile, “You found me.” She said weakly before falling into an unconscious state. The sound of Spencer calling her name echoed in her mind. 

***

Y/N felt someone gripping onto her hand, tight enough so she knew it was there but gently enough to not cause her any pain. From what she could tell she was in an ambulance as with every turn it made, the ambulance jerked slightly. 

Y/N began to open her eyes slowly. Her head was tilted slightly to the left so the first thing she saw when her eyes opened was Spencer. His eyes were brimmed with redness and he looked flushed. Y/N followed his arm down to his hand that was clutching onto hers. She gave it a small squeeze. 

Spencer’s head snapped up to meet Y/N’s gaze. He smiled seeing her awake again. He leaned forward, resting his forearms on his knees. Y/N tried to speak but her gas mask was muffling her words. Spencer reached forward and lightly took it away from her mouth. Even though her face was bruised and bloodied, Y/N still looked like the most beautiful girl in the world to Spencer. 

“When I’m healed,” Y/N started, “I want to start working on that family we were talking about.”

Spencer smiled before bringing her hand up gently to meet his lips, “I think we can do that.”

Throughout her life Y/N was always told that whenever something bad happened to her, she should go to her happy place. Spencer Reid was Y/N’s happy place - and perhaps a few months down the line, she would have another person to be her happy place.

#spencer reid #spencer reid x y/n #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid imagine #criminal minds x reader #criminal minds imagine #criminal minds #matthew gray gubler