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sumakha · 2 years

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intro + directory + basic info

this is a sideblog for my fantasy world called sumakha, ive tried posting this stuff here before and either found it to be a hassle or got embarrassed soooooo maybe putting it on a sideblog will feel better... idk. this will mostly be art but also have text posts if i dont feel like drawing + reblogs of stuff related to it

if i havent addressed a worldbuilding thing i either havent figured it out or havent found an opportunity to talk abt it. if ur curious about something please send an ask about it worldbuilding thru audience participation is so fun

i hate being super organized with my worldbuilding stuff but also i love tagging things. so heres a directory for that

types of posts: art, text, insp, lore

species: pemadae, bumidae, ketvidae, newadae, atridae, homidae, fauna, flora

countries/regions: annoshik, gnemmia, janggok, assorted chiefdoms, xizekh, kumaku, old dzenn, iuraph

characters: i have too many i do not feel like listing them all out rn LOL maybe ill edit this later

ok down here is the info stuff

countries/regions

sumakha is a supercontinent and the only big landmass on the face of the planet, the rest is endless ocean and scattered islands

annoshik: empire with divine monarchy, pemadae majority, used to hold the most power til gnemmia was set free by king kontekitann. like to use magic for weaponry and fucked up nonsense

gnemmia: mostly just a region with autonomous towns, bumidae and homidae majority, was part of the annoshiki empire til they were freed. idk theyre chill

janggok: empire, bumidae majority, had control of gnemmia BEFORE annoshik took it. i dont have much on this place either outside of Its Fucking Cold

ketvidae lands: a bunch of different chiefdoms, ketvidae majority (obviously), they mind their own business mostly

xizekh: kingdom with a weird complicated system for choosing monarchs, ketvidae majority, also mostly mind their own business but its because theyre geographically isolated. prehistoric ketvidae got stranded there and experienced island dwarfism so theyre tiny lol

kumaku: a bunch of acephalous communities similar to gnemmia's setup, regrettably i have still not figured out the newadae's deal so i will have to get back to yall on it later

old dzenn: old homeland of the atridae that was conquered by iuraph, now most atridae are nomadic in the annoshik/gnemmia/iuraph triangle. the place is a hotspot for political tension nowadays mostly

iuraph: 'democracy', homidae majority, probably holds the most power in sumakha right now. they also use a lot of magic but its mostly for practical everyday use. they kinda have the fantasy equivalent of canada's reputation where they act like besties with everyone but still have a fucked history of imperialism like annoshik does

sapient species

this stuff is very barebones cus most stuff about them will be in their respective tags i think

pemadae: fucked up deer with predator eyes and raptop stances. omnivorous. diurnal. weird love for arthropod meat specifically.

bumidae: bear/ruminant/ground sloth/general fluffy guys. herbivorous but not strictly, some living in janggok will opportunistically eat meat. diurnal.

ketvidae: mustelid/cat/lemur guys. carnivorous. arboreal. nocturnal.

newadae: again these guys are a work in progress but i am leaning towards them being like freshwater octopus-like amphibians. thats all ive got rn

atridae: vulture/raptor guys. omnivorous scavengers. can fly. diurnal. eusocial on some level, but i haven't fully figured it out/will get to that in its own post.

homidae: basically just humans but shorter and hairier, also they have more of a chimp-like stance and still have handfeet. omnivorous. crepuscular.

magic

magic comes from crystals which may or may not actually be weird bacteria/microorganisms idk i havent decided yet. crystals start off as a pure white 'base' form that can be used for a bunch of things but can be further specialized into the above categories by transforming them (dousing it in blood to make a body crystal, lighting it on fire to make a fire crystal, etc etc). crystals need to recharge after prolonged use. usually mages will wear them in the form of jewelry but sometimes theyre embedded into weapons, and recently iuraphan mages have been experimenting with using 'pure' crystals as a power source for different tech

[insert history section at a later date]

#text #lore #if the info in here is ass. i am sorry im kinda rewriting a bunch of stuff rn #however sending me asks will kinda force me to finally post those rewrites so. go wild if you so choose

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day-time-dream · 4 years

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ok so im posting this conversation transcript so ill ((hopefully)) be able to find it later and also yall should read the wild stuff @nocturnal-and-chaotic and i came up with while discussing HNOC a while ago

CHEL-i like to think that literally the only reason brian bothered to give any prophecies was that he was trying to keep mordred from getting him stuck in the sun

NOCT-yes

but also he tries to be a good person

CHEL-which comes with the lovely mental image of every time mordred passes the hanged man hes like ‘is that prophetic statue.....glaring at me?’

NOCT-gorgeous

wanna hear my latest mechs hot take

CHEL-sure

NOCT-the hanged man rusts is just brian rolling 2 nat 1's and a nat 20 on a charisma check

CHEL- noice

also he was stuck on means justify ends that whole time and thats why he couldnt just get down

it would have been rude

NOCT- oh my god youre so right

or maybe he wasn't actually hanged, he just got himself stuck and everyone sort of assumed he had been hanged and he was to embarrassed to say anything

CHEL-thank you. im very into your idea that brian just fucked up and got himself stuck

and then people started using ‘the hanged man’ as a cautionary tale and he couldnt just get down!! that would be a bad example!!

NOCT-no no, he's physically incapable of getting down, and it would be rude to ask for help

the real reason it takes the crew so long to fish him out of the sun is that they keep picturing his face when he got stuck and then they start laughing again

CHEL-i cant tell if i better like the idea that brian was there alone and wrote/told the others about hnoc or if the others were there and thought it was the funniest fucking thing he’d ever done

NOCT-every single one of the mechanisms would have laughed directly in brians face

CHEL-i think thats where the angst or comedy branches off

oh absolutely

jonny comes by once a week to ask someone in town to ‘explain what this metal man thing is. why is it up there? what does it do?’ and brian is hanging there like, if it were not for the laws of this land and also the fact that i am stuck up here and also my morality being on mje i would slaughter you

NOCT-ivy walks past after jonny, commenting about how foolish the hangman must have been to tie such easily escapable knots

although i like to think they all left when they saw which way the wind was blowing, and just,,. forgot brian?? and then when they realized, the series of fuck ups were just too funny and they laughed at brain for a couple decades before picking him up

CHEL-*the mechs, drifting through space, having a grand old time*

tim: hey lets go to -random planet-

*three days later*

tim: why are we not on the planet yet

ashes: idk ask brian

tim: brians not here

mechs:..........

jonny: FUCK we forgot brian

NOCT-screeching

CHEL-the reason it took them so long to get back is no one else can fucking fly the aurora

NOCT-nastya and aurora were on a break

CHEL-yea nastya could ask her to take them there but it takes a Lot of persuasion and its very uncomfortable for everyone else

NOCT-eeeeeeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

CHEL- -marius

NOCT- -jonny

i mean its definitely both

CHEL-brian gets back on board and no one will look at each other and hes like ‘i hope you all fucking learned your lessons i am the most important fucking crewmember on this ship’

NOCT-no, he assumes everyone was drunk and forgot but had no other problems, and everyone makes a silent agreement to never tell him the truth

CHEL-no i think ive gone from ‘brian was just Too Nice to come down from the gallows and the other mechs thought this was hilarious’ to ‘brian purposefully got himself stuck in a sun for a thousand years so the others would start giving him some goddamn Respect’ and i like this

NOCT-ok i'm on board with the exception that everyone else THINKS my version is what happened but in reality they all got played

CHEL-oh yes absolutely

NOCT-raphealla*** writes lost in the cosmos because she feels bad

CHEL-vksjebksjfna WHAT

NOCT-i cant spell

help please

CHEL-its raphaella i think

but i was thinking about that conversation

NOCT-idk i just thought raphaella would want to apologize without admitting they forgot brian so she goes,

you know what shows we care? a backstory song!

CHEL-brian: yea you all left me in a sun huh?

raph: yes and while you were gone i wrote you a song for us to perform together

brian: cool!

*after listening*

brian: its...,very beautiful......and well written?

raph: do you not like it? its kinda an apology.....

brian: as an apology for you all leaving me alone in space you wrote me a song-

raph: yes!

brian: -about my agonizing death alone in space?

raph: ....ah

NOCT-raph, scribbling in a notebook: reminding people of trauma is not a good way to handle lesser trauma. got it

jonny, reading over her shoulder: i just thought of a great way to bother tim!

CHEL-and thats how gunpowder tim vs the moon kaiser was written

NOCT-canon

#the mechanisms #jonny d'ville #ashes o’reilly #nastya rasputina #ivy alexandria #gunpowder tim #drumbot brian #raphaella la cognizi #baron marius von raum #toy soldier #the aurora

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adorabledonutunicorn · 3 years

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New Eyes

CW: Some internalized homophobia

Warning: This is 15 pages on Google Docs so it’s long. This is a combination of poems I’ve written over the past year or so (if my timeline is correct) about realizing and processing through some of my past crushes. It took me til version 4 to shift my perspective and not be ashamed of how I felt about these people. It’s kind of depressing to think that it took me no less than 4 years to get rid of the shame surrounding my sexuality, and even still I have my days, but in this case it makes for a nice arc that comes to accept everything by the end. In case you’re interested here’s a brief background on each person. I’m gonna go off since it’s already the length of a chapter of a book lmao.

1. She is literally the reasons for all of this. She was someone who I’ve known since middle school because we were in the “accelerated math group” together. She was always popular, but something always struck me differently about her. During our sr year of high school I sent her a message on Facebook and we had a few conversations on there. We were the only girls in our math class by this time and tbh we had more conversations online than we ever did in-person...we even sat next to each other in class omfg.

2. This one is about a friend I met in college. She was pretty, full of joy, and has a nice smile so I’m a very simple person when it comes to being attracted to people lol. I forced myself to get over it quickly and I’m thankful we still talk sometimes despite never really hanging out outside of the Christian group we were in lol.

3. Damn, this one’s about the friend referenced in “To see her smile again”. She’s literally just too perfect and the day I realized I got butterflies when she walked into the room was the day I fully realized/accepted that okay there’s more to me than being straight. I still don’t know how or why she loved me so well.

4. This one is about a friend I met in college, literally on the first day I was there. We were both in the same orientation group and were both so awkward we somehow stuck around together all 4 years lmao. Idk if she’s just awkward around me only or everyone, but by the end I could feel some kind of unspoken tension between us, especially after we went to see a play for the theatre class we took that was about Stonewall lol. A part of me wanted to say something but another part of me thought that maybe she was in a different place in the same journey of discovering her sexuality. The funniest part is that on Valentine’s Day I think a year ago we DM’ed on Instagram for 5 hours str8 (gay).

5. Aah yes, just another one of my Twitter crushes. Jk the first Twitter crush oooh! It took me like a good 6 months to fully accept said crush and like another 6 months to fully get over it. Truly I wish her all the best and all the healing.

V1.0

Once upon a time, These eyes grazed the truth

They saw the surface They saw someone With so much purpose

A life with a heart Transcending barriers and A mind with the ability To achieve great things

A person so pure Hiding their true self within Yet solid and confident in Serving

It was this willingness Intelligence Freedom To get lost in music and dance Goodness Integrity That led me to believe You were one of the most beautiful people I had ever seen.

And this, Is the truth that these eyes Could see

Objectively, Honestly, Truthfully, As transparently as Any teacher Any observer Any friend Knew you to be.

Yet still, My mind seems To have forsaken me.

What I know now Is what I failed to admit then What I replay in my head Is what I am slowly learning To accept within

It brings me shame To let these emotions Finally come in

And it brings me pain, Because that's not how I want to remember How and why This was perhaps, the "best" end.

I want to remember The objective observations The person we all saw, Not just me

I want to remember Rightfully, The words you said to me

I want to remember How I tried to look inside you So deeply

And how you gracefully Eloquently Opened up to me.

All I hope Is that these memories mean At least half of what they do to you As they do to me.

Even if I Can now look in this mirror And see, Say these words to myself Breathe And let them be,

I will never forget What you meant To everyone You met.

But because I tried To look so deep Because I tried To love you as you were, As you are I ended up finding something Only these eyes now Could see.

I cannot say That I fell in love With a fantasy

Because love Is so vast and deep

But there was A new feeling inside of me An emotion I would hide Because I never wanted it to be Outside For anyone To see.

I look back at these moments That replay inside my mind From every bathroom anxious tear I cried Unknowingly Became the catalyst For this "why"

Why was I so anxious And afraid? But that won't explain Why did I even feel The way that I did?

I didn't want to I pushed it down So easily It took me almost 5 years To finally accept This story That lingered inside of me.

Once I see A heart, soul, human life To love, I jump in wholeheartedly

Because I guess That is just who I am, Who I was made to be.

But I didn't expect That I'd be here Confronting these Treacherous conflicting feelings That to the casual observer Make it seem like It was all for me, Self-motivated Self-intentioned Just to set my eyes on something I could not define At the time.

If not me If I can't believe it, I hope you know Remember And see That regardless of what I felt The words we never said Still give you more Than a thousand reasons To keep on breathing And to keep on being The beautiful person We all knew You'd grow to be.

V2.0

Imagine What this heart can do Imagine What this heart can feel What these eyes Can see inside Before the mind Redraws the lines.

Imagine God's truth Willfully entering the soul Revealing more

Than I could ever know But all that I feel Is beyond words.

Imagine That what is beyond words Is not beyond shame

In fact, Shame has now met these emotions And tainted this love, The love the Lord has given To this heart of mine

This love that was pure Of good intention Is now questioned, Because of the reality, My reality, The way my mind sees

I can only perceive What these eyes gaze upon And the brain processes, filters, Through its many recognized colors

I cannot see What was not meant for me And what is Beyond me.

With these eyes, Imperfect and perhaps blind, They let me look upon a face Labeling it within me as shame Instead of grace

I used to be able to see, What I thought so innocently, Now a darkened fiend Of what was made A friend

What has now surfaced Became lies What has harbored Is judgment Internally, And nocturnal I have become

This is merely Not what I wanted to see But rather A predator where it meets its prey Onlooking the target Ready to strip Its life away

But here, This life is dignity Of the soul across the room Once the prime and primitive Instincts and defense mechanisms activate, There is no more reason, No way That words will ever be able To explain.

This Feels lost Feels lonely Like no one but me Will understand clearly That I love Deeply Wholly I dare say beautifully Whether or not these feelings Are just my feelings Or beyond Only my reality.

Because reality Is subjective Different between both you and me But somehow still We may find common ground Where the images our minds outline Overlap and see the same

It is here, where more than I Can finally understand. It is here, Where words are no longer the enemy But the potion and antidote To this shame

For this shame Has met humility Vulnerability The courage To be me

Even if The whole world will never know I know the whole world Will never understand, I still stand With my heart tall Convicted with truth Rooted in the Lord's Truth That you are so beyond and Better than beautiful It fills me With awe.

V3.0

These new eyes that have seen Change unfolding Have also seen Love unraveling.

From all the sweetness And fondness Of pure untarnished memories, To what I don't know if I know How to see,

This is me Raw and untouched Naked and ashamed To have loved The friend who was Never meant For me.

Blessed was I To have found one So faithful and kind For once not out of reach But yet still Out of my league With all the riches Of intelligence to joy And of course A smile that was not For the faint of heart to see

I have loved before, For it was here I found love In the purest form First, foremost, Of friendship

It was here Where every good thing That resonated inside me Grew tenfold With this unknown blessing That I had fathomed to know Beyond blessings ever received.

Yet, Little did I know, It took courage To love this way. Selfless Never ill-intentioned I tried to be Until the end.

It was generously That she gave me And so kindly Yet humbly I tried to give back Never feeling like What I gave was enough, As she so gracefully Accepted everything Speaking to me without words It was more than enough.

There is not a single soul That I have met Who could ever be Her Anything like her, Who could also be Or will likely ever be My friend.

It was on the days We left, Where our presences departed Where I had no regrets

But it was then When I realized The sadness and grief Was yet the loss Of love, Including the Lord's Love.

It was she, Who lamentably taught me How butterflies felt Inside me All the way To fear and shame Of this very discovery

As well as The best hugs Any person may probably ever give me.

There is no one like her, And there is no one better for her Than her husband, And this I know, It is he who I know To be faithful, kind, Courageous, righteous, Steadfast and Unconditionally loving

But somehow, I ask the Holy Spirit Did you bring her Here To teach me About love, faithfulness, and joy? Did you bring her Here To show me light in the world Once more? Did you bring her here To have a friend for once, To give me courage to speak, To love a friend deeply? And did you bring her here So that I could love so deeply That I found this part of me?

I can still say To this day That I have No regrets About anything I Have written or said To this friend, The greatest gift, A catalyst For this journey, And the one who gives The best hugs With the sweetest smiles I’ll ever be blessed to receive.

V4.0

Once where A new era began, A seed was planted In the mere probability of our existence

We did not find each other We stumbled upon one another In a way where awkwardness Was the main contributor To our similarities

Yet you stayed And I of course, stayed Somehow we relished In a relieving familiarity

Perhaps, It brought us together For that reason.

But what we had And what we have Has grown from a seed,

Watered, waiting We are here Where I never thought we would be: Friends now far away, Yet still able to relate

But even then What does it mean? It may not mean much of anything.

For a fleeting feeling Lines the nerves of my being Extremities tense While the rest of me at peace

For this is the only awkwardness We have known to overcome, Time and time again, —I never know Where your thoughts go

There is so much to be learned So much we will never know But in each other, We have still grown.

Maybe this is the best feeling I would never have known If I were not able To express it freely

Maybe one day Our lives not our hearts Will collide Telling the same story Of who we were always meant to be.

V5.0

To Jade, A jewel of always Every color but green,

Your story is a wonderful epic, Tales of travels That never grow old

They write an unapologetic narrative Of every highest mountain top And every lowest valley

You have climbed as high Just as much as you Have fallen down and cried

And I, I so wished to see and to learn Of every broken piece to your life That you thought you needed to earn

But I, Even with good intentions Fell into a hole I could not climb

I embraced every part At the expense of my joy Only adding To my despair

But you taught me What strength and courage Could be

To say it is easy To wake up every day Without the one Who loved you most Is irreparable As much as he was irreplaceable

To say the scars it leaves behind Are mere wounds of the flesh to be tended to Would simply be a lie

But still I Fell in love with What it could look like To see you wake up every morning And choose life

For there is nothing more brave As the story you write And continue to write.

I still stand by And wish to look upon your life To see how far you've come

But at least I've passed beyond The emotions I feared would last forever

Back then I was confused Back then I was still learning And I thank you for helping me Find who I am

Even if I can never say I fell as deep for love's sake, If I ever find you Stumble upon Or see you I will find the reddest rose And gift it to you

For the honor and memory of your brother And for the honor and memory of you Because sometimes words Will never be enough To describe what will always Be blooming in you (And how you've allowed me To blossom too).

Conclusion / V1.5

Without what happened that night These essays would never have turned to poems

Without the words we never said I wouldn’t have these reasons why I write

You are still as beautiful as the day I met you And the day I left you when I accepted You will remain a memory, not a friend meant for forever Or even for a second

But still, I do not hesitate To smile and be embarrassed Knowing now all That I did not know then That brings clarity, closure, and an end.

I never loved you But I definitely liked you Enough to zone in on Every beat of your heart

Enough to make you see Who you were always made to be And how worthy you are To be you, To be everything you are.

And so here I remain, Content and at peace Knowing I am allowed To never-more be ashamed.

#new eyes #shame #bisexuality #questioning #unrequited love #peace #joy #crushes #poem #poetry of tumblr #pride month #pride poetry #this one is long #don't waste your time unless you want to know the story of my life

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rouge-the-bat · 4 years

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OOPS I HAD STARTED THIS THEN SAVED AS A DRAFT TO FINISH LATER BUT THEN FORGOT SO ITS. BEEN A BIT SINCE I WAS ACTUALLY TAGGED FOR THIS LMAO

ANYWAYS i was tagged by @skayforrest :'33

Rules: Please make your own text post when answering these to avoid long posts. Highlight/bold what applies to you!

for me to make it easier for me to read im going for:

bold: definitely me :3

italics: kinda me!

strikethrough: not me at All

(subscript parenthesis): my comments! (bc im very rambly lol)

also changing // between different phrases to ♡♡ to make it easier for me to distinguish between phrases too owo

♡ Appearance ♡

I am over 5’5 ♡♡ I wear glasses/contacts ♡♡ I have blonde hair ♡♡ I prefer loose clothing over tight clothing ♡♡ I have one or more piercings (my ears!) ♡♡ I have at least one tattoo (i want to get one of a drawing ive made soon tho!) ♡♡ I have blue eyes ♡♡ I have dyed or highlighted my hair (its p much back to normal now tho- and i want to dye it pink someday) ♡♡ I have gotten plastic surgery ♡♡ I have or had braces ♡♡ I sunburn easily ♡♡ I have freckles ♡♡ I paint my nails (not super often but i have fun doing it occasionally owo!) ♡♡ I typically wear makeup (i rarely do and usually its just lispstick, with maybe eyshadow and/or eyeliner) ♡♡ I don’t often smile (i can be really smiley sometimes but i dont interact with others much (esp irl) so i tend to not emote a whole lot) ♡♡ I am pleased with how I look (im cute round n chubby!!) ♡♡ I prefer nike to adidas (i literally dont care) ♡♡ I wear baseball caps backwards

♡ Hobbies & Interests ♡

I play a sport (i play... wii sports and real life bowling sometimes at most :'3) ♡♡ I can play an instrument (its been a really long time but i learned clarinet from school band) ♡♡ I am artistic ♡♡ I know more than one language (id like to learn some tho, like japanese, french, and/or korean maybe?) ♡♡ I have won a trophy in some sort of competition (never a Literal trophy :O) ♡♡ I can cook or bake without a recipe ♡♡ I know how to swim ♡♡ I enjoy writing (i like to but school has made me anxious anytime i try now ;w;) ♡♡ I can do origami ♡♡ I prefer movies to tv shows ♡♡ I can execute a perfect somersault ♡♡ I enjoy singing (exclusively for singing along, i dont really ever sing on my own lol) ♡♡ I could survive in the wild on my own ♡♡ I have read a new book series this year ♡♡ I enjoy spending time with my friends (who wouldnt!! esp with my friends, theyre amazing :'3) ♡♡ I travel during school or work breaks (id like to travel more..) ♡♡ I can do a handstand

♡ Relationships ♡

I am in a relationship (my girlfriend is so wonderful 🥰) ♡♡ I have been single for over a year (been dating my gf for almost 2 full years now!) ♡♡ I have a crush (fictional crushes count right? bc i have a million of those lol) ♡♡ I have a best friend I have known for ten years ♡♡ My parents are together ♡♡ I have hooked up with my best friend (thats meaning sexual right? bc im sex repulsed and so is my gf whos my best friend so, absolutely not lol) ♡♡ I am adopted ♡♡ My crush has confessed to me (im p much always the first to confess lol) ♡♡ I have had a long-distance relationship (hopefully someday tho it wont be long distance :'3) ♡♡ I am an only child (dear god no i have. 1 full brother, 3 half brothers, 1 half sister, and 2 or 3 step brothers gjkxjfk) ♡♡ I give advice to my friends (im not the best with advice but i try when i can!!) ♡♡ I have made an online friend (all of my current friends are online!) ♡♡ I met up with someone I have met online (GOD I WISH)

♡ Aesthetics ♡

I have heard the ocean in a conch shell ♡♡ I have watched the sunrise (many times, after being awake all night bc im p mych nocturnal lol) ♡♡ I enjoy rainy days (god i love rain so much) ♡♡ I have slept under the stars (iirc im p sure ive slept in a tent for going camping before ??? but my memory sucks so im not sure if that happened or i just always wanted to gjkdjg) ♡♡ I meditate outside (maybe i should try that sometime..) ♡♡ The sound of chirping calms me ♡♡ I enjoy the smell of the beach (ive been to a beach just a couple times.. i dont remember what it smelled like) ♡♡ I know what snow tastes like (i eat snow EVERY time it snows here, esp to make snow cream) ♡♡ I listen to music to fall asleep (on occasion! always instrumental stuff, sometimes meant for relaxing or sometimes just a comfort song from a game i love) ♡♡ I enjoy thunderstorms ♡♡ I enjoy cloud watching ♡♡ I have attended a bonfire ♡♡ I pay close attention to colors (ofc ! i love colors and graphic design is my passion- but like Actually, im not quoting the meme lol) ♡♡ I find mystery in the ocean ♡♡ I enjoy hiking on nature paths (would REALLY need to be in the mood for it) ♡♡ Autumn is my favourite season (close ! i love the chilly air and aesthetic of autumn as well, but winter is my ultimate comfort season <3)

♡ Miscellaneous ♡

I can fall asleep in moving vehicles ♡♡ I am the mom friend (mom friend mode can activate on Occasion, but usually im silly bastard friend) ♡♡ I am involved in extracurricular activities (im not in school) ♡♡ I enjoy mexican food ♡♡ I can drive a stick-shift (i still havent learned how to drive yet owo;;) ♡♡ I believe in true love (probably not in a typical sense?) ♡♡ I make up scenarios to fall asleep (oh no, i make up scenarios constantly in my head throughout the day, i get way too invested in them so they usually keep me up if i think about them when trying to sleep) ♡♡ I sing in the shower ♡♡ I wish I lived in a superhero movie (i def wanna live in some fictional worlds, but superhero movies arent things im usually into) ♡♡ I have a canopy above my bed ♡♡ I am multiracial (im not super familiar with my ancestry rn, so idk. would like to know sometime tho) ♡♡ I am a redhead ♡♡ I own at least 3 dogs/cats (rn i have 2 dogs and 3 cats!)

and uhhh ill tag @spiiderbiites @miphelda @kipokin @queerplyke @ameila if yall wanna do it :3? (if yalld like i can go thru n supply a version of this without all of my font edits and comments!) AH WHOOPS I GOT A URL MESSED UP BUT XENOLEAF U CAN DO TOO IF U WANT

#starry asks #uh not exactly an ask but ill use that tag for tag games like this #ive been tagged in a few of these kinda posts so im trying to catch up rn !!

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chatonyant · 5 years

Photo

I caved and made a Kimetsu no Yaiba oc with my friends His name is Hamasaki Toru! Toto for short He uses Breath of the Ocean which he made because he found a fallen demon slayer and their sword and basically went “ah shit im too poor to buy a sword for protection im sorry random stranger, i have family to protect” He’s a fisherman! Well, was. He used how the ocean moves in order to create his own Breath style. It’s a pretty tanky style, although he’s learning how to be more smooth and flowy more info under the cut cause i can sense myself beginning to ramble (it’s kny so uhhh violence and death tw??)

Toto is 20!

He’s the eldest of four kids, including himself (two gals one boyo)

Keeping in line with me making my children sUFFER, his dad died of illness when he was around 8? (i havent quite solidified his timeline yet haha) and his mother died during childbirth

After a couple years he finds the fallen demon slayer and begins to train himself

ah, some more background knowledge, Toto’s family is poor and lives in a kind of rundown shack a little distance from the seaside village, hence the “hm maybe i need protection”

A year after he finds the sword and begins to train, a demon attacks

He was on his way home from a night of training when he spies a demon

said demon is quite strong and is able to beat Toto, yeeting him in the process, knocking him out

by the time Toto wakes up and makes his way home, the sun has already risen and the demon is gone

however, the demon’s destruction is obvious when Toto finds his family slaughtered and one of his sisters missing

Toto is devastated

He spends the day burying his family and mourning

night falls

he hears a sound and thinks it’s the demon

it is not

it’s his sister

but not really his sister

his sister is a demon now (ignore how demons are supposed to be made idk soighjodg)

well fuck

Toto is forced to kill her

After grieving his family, he finds out about the Final Selection

joins, succeeds, is now a demon slayer that tends to work on his own and barely take a break

seriously he needs to take a break

someone please force him to take a break

rip

he’s literally adjusted his sleep schedule to the point where he is almost nocturnal

it’s not really that he’s driven by a burning vengeance, he just has no idea what else he could do other than hunt demons, and he doesn’t want anyone else to suffer either

He is a,,, kinoe? rank below Pillar

Even if he was offered the rank of Pillar, he would never accept because he doesn’t think he deserves it

His blade is the color of the sea! a greenish blue?

he’s the quiet, reserved type

he doesn’t know how to socialize properly which doesn’t bother him much, although he does feel a little lonely sometimes

he is very big brother

if he sees a younger demon slayer or kid in general, he just adopts them

he’s your big brother now

he’s not reckless, but he does tend to place himself as a human shield a lot

he also blames himself a lot

he has this aura of sadness around him

he’s not the most expressive type

going back to the big brother thing, he pats people on the head a lot

and he can and will grab you and run if the need arises

he is buff and can carry many people

he’s like 6′1″

what else is there

i was debating on giving him an enhanced sense but idk what

maybe sight

maybe not

idk yet lol

yes he has freckles

ah yeah i have this pic of him w/o a shirt because i was trying to figure out body shape and scars

muscles are hard to draw, ok?

he likes to play with people’s hair

he’s good at it too

he’s a miracle worker with kids

According to my friend his name is now Todd

im running out of stuff but i bet i’ll think of more when i post this cause my brain is a fucking idiot

he likes to watch cats

he likes sneaking

if there is a cat near you and you look away for a second and look back you will see Toto kinda crouching in the distance, watching the cat

someone: toto, you need a vacation, i get tired just looking at you!

toto: a what

oh fuck im realizing that toto’s has to work for almost his whole life

poor boy

-shakes him- anyone wanna give him love

awh fuck i spent a solid 30 minutes ranting

if anyone read this far god bless you holy shit

#kimetsu no yaiba #demon slayer #kny #kny oc #oc #what are tags #uh #kimetsu no yaiba oc #demon slayer oc #tags are wack as fuck i give up #alp art

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surveys-at-your-service · 4 years

Text

Survey #272

“i don’t care what you have to say - it makes no difference / it’s all because of you, we’re fuckin’ infamous.”

How many children are in your family? I have a big extended family, so uh... and what is the age cutoff for "children?" My simplest answer is three, that being my older sister's kids, but I do have a half-sister with some young-ish children, but I know none of them. Oh, and my other half-sister has kids too, but again, they're not that young, and the youngest son I've never met. What is something you and your parents used to argue over often? Money. What was your first word? "Dada." A fast food restaurant that you hate with a passion? Arby's is fucking disgusting. Give me a song that is underestimated/not well known. Probably like half of Otep's songs. "Lords of War" comes to mind first. Which one of your friends knows everything about you? Sara knows the most. Who is your favorite teacher that you have this year? N/A Have you ever solved a Rubik’s Cube? No, I don't have that kind of patience. Like I've fiddled with 'em before if they're right at my disposal and I'm just sitting and waiting or something, but I've never gotten far. Who do you think is the easiest to talk to? It depends on what I'm talking about, but probably Sara. Or Mom, idk. Do you have a favorite metal band or do you not like metal? Ozzy, of course. Metal is my favorite genre. Are you talking to anyone right now? No. What’s your favorite kind of science? Genetics. Do you walk home or take a bus? From school? Well I'm not in school anymore, but for almost the entire time I was, my mom drove me and picked me up. I only took a bus for some of Jason's junior and all of his senior year to his house afterwards. Who did you last go to the movies with? My dad, I think. If you could see anyone (dead or alive) in concert, who would you pick? I'd probably choose Metallica so long as my mom could come. She laughed/cried hysterically when she found out they were finally coming here I think two years ago, but we couldn't go. She fucking adores Metallica, maybe more than I do Ozzy. She's always said that she only needs three things in life: God, her babies, and Metallica. Who’s the cutest person you know? Define "cute." The cutest fucking thing I have EVER seen was Sara when we went to a reptile expo together; she was a kid in Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory. I could not stop smiling at her, jc. "Cute" as in who I feel most fits the traditional definition, my old friend Alon. I think I'll always answer "Alon" to questions like this lmao. How about the funniest? GIRT. Oh my FUCKING god, Girt. I've had my biggest and most frequent laughs with that guy. Have you ever had acne? I sure did going through puberty. It wasn't the worst in the world, but I definitely had it. Where is your biggest scar located? I think the scar from my surgery, but I can't see it so I can't *really* tell? Look up what a pilonidal cyst is to figure out where that's at, oof. Where did your last hug take place? A hotel room. Recently, Mom, my sisters, and I saw my grandmother for probably the last time. She was with her husband and Mom's brother passing through. She's quit chemo for pancreatic cancer as now it's just become unbearable, and it's obvious she doesn't have much time left. It was... weird, seeing her in such a skin-and-bone, very frail state. We've had a rocky relationship, but I'm going to miss her regardless. What is your current desktop picture? My favorite picture of Teddy. Do you still think of that Gwen Stefani song when you spell "bananas?" HA HA yes! Do you like the way your hair naturally is, or do you change it? I love how healthy my hair is, but I'm definitely not a fan of how quickly it becomes oily. And I wish it knew how to hold some damn dye. Do you know anyone who died accidentally by doing something stupid? Not personally, but yes. How many different languages have you taken in school? First I took Latin, but I SUCKED at it, and then I took German for four semesters and loved it. If your cell phone broke, would your parents make you pay for a new one? No, considering I don't have a source of income. Are your parents still married? No. Are you in a monogamous relationship? Not currently, but I'd only go into one that's monogamous. Have you ever met your favorite band? No. Have you ever drawn on someone's face while they were sleeping? No, I'm not an asshole. Have you ever fallen down a hill? No, but I've certainly rolled down them as a kid. Would you scuba dive in shark-infested waters if you had the chance? I hate the term "shark-infested." It's where they live. But anyway, I don't think I'd swim with sharks, but maybe. What is your favorite slow song? BRO idk there's so many. Do you believe in karma? No. If there were aliens on earth, would you be afraid? It would depend on their demeanor. If your best friend died, would you be able to speak at their funeral? I'd sure as hell want to, but I'd have a hard time getting through it. Are your pets asleep? Roman is probably snoozing by the window in the living room, and Venus probably is, given she's nocturnal. Have you ever wished you were an only child? No. Have you ever hurt someone on purpose? As a kid I got in huge trouble for smacking my sister before. As an adult I haven't. What is your current favorite song? I'm pretty obsessed with NateWantsToBattle's cover of "Feel Good Inc." Is there something you do on a regular basis, that you don’t enjoy doing? Why? The person I copied this from answered "shower" and big same. Like of course I do it, but boy do I hate it. It's a chore to me and especially when I'm depressed, I'll put it off. Have you ever felt jealous of anyone else’s success? Yes. When it comes to success, I can be very envious. Never in a hateful way/wishing the person wasn't where they were at, but nevertheless, still envious. Who did you last speak to in person? Mom. Have you ever had a one-night stand? If you have, did you regret it afterwards? Never had one, don't plan to. Have you ever done something that you said you’d NEVER do? Yes. What was the last thing you asked for help with? Who did you go to for help? Uhhh... probably something from Mom, though I don't remember what. I've avoided that since she's recovering from surgery. Who was the last person to text you? Sara! If your significant other had several other sexual partners before you, how much would that bother you? Would you worry about being compared to the others? How many previous sexual partners do you think is acceptable? If they were serious relationships genuinely based on love, it wouldn't - to a degree. I have to be honest with myself and say like if my s/o had a large number of past sexual partners at our age, I'd be wary about their loyalty and dedication to one person. Idk what I'd consider "too many" exactly. For me, maybe like... six? Who was the last person of the opposite sex to send you a message on Facebook? What if you had a baby with that person? My friend Ian, and whoa buddy, we're just above acquaintances. How many people of your preferred sex have hurt you? Just one seriously. Have your friends ever talked to you about the forms of contraception they use? What form of contraception do you prefer? It's been casually mentioned, sure. I'm not sexually active so don't take any right now, but if I was, I'd be on birth control and demand condom usage because FUCK the chances of getting pregnant. If you told your parents that you were going to be a parent, how do you think they would react? I think they'd both be terrified for me. I have NO business raising a kid when I'm barely a proper adult. They'd also be confused as fuck about who the dad would be. You find out that the person you love/like is having a child with someone else. What do you say? If I found out somehow that Jason was going to be a dad, I can 100% GUARANTEE you I would faint, vomit, and have an emotional breakdown. Literally all three. I wouldn't be able to "say" anything. If I found out Sara was, I'd be pretty speechless and beyond terrified for her. When was the last time you said something and thought “Why the hell did I say that?” What exactly did you say, and who did you say it to? How did the person react? Hm. It's funny, I'm both very impulsive with what I can say if I'm upset or angry, but otherwise I seriously think twice about what's coming out of my mouth. I can't remember the last time the former happened. NO WAIT. So my chronic nightmares/terrors, right? A few days ago I woke up from one growling, "I'll break your fucking neck too, bitch," and it was to my very own mother, as she was choking me for some reason I don't remember. I was disgusted when I woke up. In these nightmares, I am SO much more aggressive than I actually am and it really scares me. It's gotten to the point that I'm genuinely scared of what I may be capable of. Who was the last person outside of family that told you they loved you? Sara. What song reminds you of your first boyfriend/girlfriend? My first real one, holy fucking shit, a lot. For where we currently stand, "Another Life" by Motionless In White haunts me. Not only is it his favorite band, but the lyrics just scream him and me. It's one of those that sometimes makes me tear up. I hate that I love that song. Outside of family, who were the last three girls you talked to? Sara, Summer, and Chelsea, I think. Outside of family, who were the last three guys you talked to? Uhhh Ian, my grandma's husband (he's not my actual grampa), and my sister's husband, probably, or nephew. Who is/was your strictest teacher in school? Mrs. P-something in 7th grade. I didn't not like her, she was just very strict. Have you ever felt so ill that you literally didn’t know what to do? Oh yeah, emotionally at least. At your part of the world, is it summer now? Yes, ew. What’s the warmest it can get over there? How about the coldest? Around 110*F; coldest, around... sub-20*F on rare days. Is there a bad habit you’re trying to break right now? I need to lay off the soda. Is it easy to find a job in your preferred field in your home town? FUCK no. Have you ever played the original Mass Effect trilogy? Nope. Have you ever made jewelry? The kiddy kinds with beads and stuff, yeah. Which app do you use the most on your phone? Umm Facebook or Dragons of Atlantis. Did you learn to play an instrument as a kid? If so, which one? In elementary school, we all learned the recorder. From middle school to my junior high school year, I played the flute. What is the best part of your most ordinary day? I don't even know anymore. If you learned that you suddenly needed an aid of some sort to do something that you normally don’t need (glasses, hearing aid, etc.) Would you comply or would you put it off until there was no choice anymore? It would definitely depend on the issue and its severity. What’s the strangest saying you’ve come across? Please tell me it's not just the South that says "it's colder than a witch's titty" lmao. Do you read any web comics? No. Which social media platform do you use the most, if any? Facebook. Which game did you play the most as a kid during recess? Does anyone remember "Four Square?" I don't even remember the rules, but my friends and I played it all the time. Are you one of those lucky people to own a walk-in closet? No, not that I need one honestly. Is there a random object you own that has a huge personal significance? I’ve told the story of my pebble from my partial hospitalization program many times. Besides that, something really random? Uhhh. There’s probably something, seeing as a lot of the things I keep mean something deep to me, but I don’t know about another truly strange one. Are you one of those people who chew two pieces of gum, not one? Usually. Do you have a wall calendar? In the kitchen. Have you ever been to Canada? No, but totally serious, I want to move there. I just realistically won’t because I don’t want to leave my family. Do you believe in superstitions? Nope. When was the last time you took a taxi somewhere? I’ve never been in a taxi. Would you ever join the army, airforce or navy? Hell no. How old is the person you last kissed? 22. What was the most embarrassing thing you've had to buy? Nothing. Have you ever mistaken a person's gender? Yes. What was the most expensive thing you've broken? I don’t know. Have you ever been in a car accident? Yes, but thankfully it wasn’t severe. Can you focus well in high-stress situations? FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK NO. Without the aid of mascara, do you have long eyelashes? Yes. I think I’ve shared before that in 9th grade, my teacher like deadass stopped her lecture just to point that out lmaoo. Is there anyone you dread going into public with? Not generally. It can sometimes happen with Dad just because he’s brutally honest and doesn’t have a filter, but it’s more like a discomfort than dread. Are you easily frightened? It depends on the situation. In most instances, yes. Do you have a favorite model? No. What's your current facebook display picture of? It’s just a headshot of me with my skull necklace and a tank top. Is there anyone whose hair you envy? Peoples’ whose actually hold color. >_> Have you ever dated someone who was extremely shy? No, I’m the shy one. Or have you dated someone who took things too fast? Yes. Do you or anyone you know have an account on Deviantart? I have one, and I know a few other people who do. Do you listen to Daughtry? Not really, except “No Surprise.” Do you get your eyebrows waxed? Not anymore. Is there a pet that you desperately want? A tarantula, preferably a Brazilian Black. I’ve gotten soooo into tarantulas, but it’s a “hell no” from Mom about having one in her house. Would you ever get your bellybutton pierced? No. My stomach isn’t “pretty” and I know it sure wouldn’t look flattering. Are you one of those people who are always pushing their limits? I wish I could say yes. Have you ever made a totally amazing snow fort? No. I didn’t have the patience for that as a kid. All we really made out of snow were snowmen and balls to throw. If you draw, what's one thing you always have trouble with? Proportions. Is there someone you know moving away any time soon? I don’t believe so. Is there a garbage can in the room you’re currently in? No. Have you ever been snorkeling? No. Who was the last person you apologized to? Mom, probably. Do you throw things when you’re frustrated? No. People who throw shit scare me. Do you prefer sharks or dolphins? Dolphins. Before meerkats, they were my favorite animal. What was the last piece of furniture you purchased? Purchased, I don’t know. A lot of what we have now is second-hand. Has anyone ever told you that you are too picky when it comes to the people you date? What about not picky enough? No one has said either. When was the last time you went to a bar? Never. What three things would you change about your life? Number one, be mentally stable. Two, my body. Three, be financially stable. Was there anything unusual or unique about your birth? There was an ice storm that Dad had to drive through lmao. What was the best conversation you’ve had recently? Man, idk. I don’t talk a lot to begin with. What is the next book you are going to read? Wings of Fire: The Dark Secret should come in the mail today!! :’) Describe the hardest decision you have ever made. I had to choose to either let Jason go or keep him in my heart until it killed me/I killed myself. I can almost 100% absolutely promise you if my life was continued how it was in 2016, I would NOOOOOOOT still be here. I think it’s pretty clear by now some scars are buried too deep to heal, seeing as he is literally faintly on my mind every day, but at least I know how to be happy without someone who didn’t believe in my strength. Why did you last see the doctor? I thought I broke my foot. Turns out I just tore a ligament, but badly. I think it’s been… one and half-two months and it’s only JUST starting to feel truly better. Day one, I couldn’t even walk. Days after, I had to have help. Then for weeks it was nothing but walking at a snail’s pace on the side of my foot. I’m so surprised it wasn’t broken. Post a recent picture of yourself. WOW what timing considering I took a picture yesterday, and I barely ever take any. I EVEN PUT MAKEUP ON!!!

#survey #quiz #questions #questionnaire

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dibidibidismol · 5 years

Note

do em all, coward

on the one hand: yay! i get to do the ask game! on the other; @acutest-angle, i’m so sorry for doing this to you. i aint gonna fill nobody’s dash, so the qna is under the break. these are like really undetailed. ill be more specific for individual numbers

1: How tall or short do you wish you were? im pretty happy being 163

2: What’s your dream pet? (Real or not) i love my lil baby so much. i wouldnt trade my pupper for the world

3: Do you have a favorite clothing style? i wear a lot of black, and generally dress such that i would be good to go for any job interviews/public speaking events. this is in large part to make up for the fact that my go-to shoes are heelys. like i wear my heelys during professional presentations that count for a large part of my grade. my teachers think im “something else”

4: What was your favorite video game growing up? idk. we didnt do all that media shiz. maybe pvz.

5: What three things/people do you think of most each day: my doggo, my child(useless friend needing guidance) and my tumblr-famous friend. hmu for her url. 6: If you had a warning label, what would yours say?absolute weirdo, but like in a socially acceptable way. can and will debate you into submission.7: What is your opinion on [insert person/thing here]?i support gays.8: What is your Greek personality type? [Sanguine, Phlegmatic, Choleric, or Melancholic]

9: Are you ticklish?a bit10: Are you allergic to anything?some cats, all homophobes11: What’s your sexuality?ace, homoromo12: Do you prefer tea, coffee, or cocoa?tea babe. like i have so much. like a cubic yard. its a problem.13: Are you a cat or dog person?im multifandom(not a furry)14: Would you rather be a vampire, elf, or merperson?elf15: Do you have a favorite Youtuber?amber liu16: How tall are you?160cm17: If you had to change your name, what would you change it to?my chinese name18: How much do you weigh? [Only ask this if you know the user doesn’t mind!]102-105 i’m smol.19: Do you believe in ghosts/spirits?normally no. when im home alone….a lil.20: Do you like space or the ocean more? i have a large fear of the ocean. 21: Are you religious? no22: Pet peeves?poor work ethics/mansplaining/poor hygiene.23: Would you rather be nocturnal or diurnal [opposite of nocturnal]?diurnal24: Favorite constellation?orions belt25: Favorite star?shinee26: Do you like ball-jointed dolls?not particularly27: Any phobias or fears?germs, the dark, men, large non-pools bodies of water, spiders28: Do you think global warming is real? yea, but “climate change” is more accurate29: Do you believe in reincarnation?no30: Favorite movie?tangled, the lorax, shawshank redemp. , hairspray, legally blond, mulan, mama mia, in that order.31: Do you get scared easily? yea32: How many pets have you own in your lifetime?3 fish 3 dog33: Blog rate? [You’ll rate the blog of the one who’s asking.] im gunna rate @acutest-angle cuz she did mine. 10/10 would be 11 but she aint stannin shinee.34: What is a color that calms you? purple35: Where would you like to travel and/or live? oregon suits me fine36: Where were you born? oregon37: What is your eye color?brown38: Introvert or extrovert?idek. im really good at people, but idk abt energy gaining or wtv.39: Do you believe in horoscopes and zodiacs?no40: Hugs or kisses?hugs41: Who is someone you would like to see/visit right now?my doggo.42: Who is someone you love deeply? see above43: Any piercings you want? i already have doubles. might get belly button in the future.44: Do you like tattoos and piercings? hnngg45: Do you smoke or have you eiver done so? hell no. i take drugs/alcohol v seriously.46: Talk about your crush, if you have one! gorl. so beautiful, so smart, so utterly perfect. also taken.47: What is a sound you really hate? the whit boi in class mansplaining shit to me.48: A sound you really love? pitter pat of paws on hardwood.49: Can you do a backflip? no.50: Can you do the splits? no51: Favorite actor and/or actress?idkrn52: Favorite movie? see 3053: How are you feeling right now?tee hee54: What color would you like your hair to be right now? i really like my hair as is.55: When did you feel happiest? talking in front of many peeps.56: Something that calms you down?tea57: Have any mental disorders? [Only ask this if you know the user doesn’t mind!] none diagnosed. ask me about my brain later for more deets. 58: What does your URL mean?that i smol and i luv shinee59: What three words describe you the most? witty, caring,quick.60: Do you believe in evolution?yes61: What makes you unfollow a blog?too many posts/mediocre content/no longer aligned interests.62: What makes you follow a blog? posts63: Favorite kind of person:girl64: Favorite animal(s):dogs/cats65: Name three of your favorite blogs. @lolfunnykpop @acutest-angle @27-umbrellas66: Favorite emoticon: thumbs up67: Favorite meme: ive connected the dots68: What is your MBTI personality type?pic69: What is your star sign?my wut?70: Can your dog roll over on command, if you have a dog?yes71: What outfit out of all your clothes do you like to wear the most?its black, its formalish, its a pushup bra, dress, and heelys.72: Post a selfie or two?i like dont have any, and im in no statye to be taking them rn.

73: Do you have platform shoes?no?

74: What is one random but interesting fact about yourself?i forgot a wholeass language75: Can you do a front flip?no76: Do you like birds?y77: Do you like to swim?ew78: Is swimming or ice skating more fun to you?no79: Something you wish didn’t exist:homophobia80: Some thing you wish did exist:universal translators81: Piercings you have?double in each ear82: Something you really enjoy doing:read83: Favorite person to talk to:dog84: What was your first impression of Tumblr?no rules here.85: How many followers do you have?all together, a thousand or two?86: Can you run a mile within ten minutes? idk87: Do your socks always match?no88: Can you touch your toes and keep your legs straight completely?ill cry89: What are your birthstones? the lite blu one90: If you were an animal, which one would you be?i aint no furry.91: If a flower could aesthetically represent you, what kind would it be?a rose92: A store you hate? chick fil a93: How many cups of coffee can you drink in one day? i got addicted, so ive been coffee free for 3 yrs now94: Would you rather be able to fly or read minds? fly95: Do you like to wear camo? no96: Winter or summer?winter97: How long can you hold your breath for?40sec98: Least favorite person?trump99: Someone you look up to:amber liu100: A store you love?office depot101: Favorite type of shoes? heelys102: Where do you live? oregon103: Are you a vegetarian or vegan? If so, why?vegetarian, environment/animal right, eggs for health.104: What is your favorite mineral or gem? sparkle105: Do you drink milk? yea, calcium.106: Do you like bugs?i respect their existence but stay tf away107: Do you like spiders? no108: Something you get paranoid about?spiders, water, germs109: Can you draw: sure110: Nosiest question you have ever been asked?do you shave ur vag?111: A question you hate being asked?whos ur boy friend?112: Ever been bitten by a spider?no113: Do you like the sound of waves at the beach?yea, from a distance114: Do you prefer cloudy or sunny days?sunny, from a distance115: Someone you’d like to kiss or cuddle right now: doggo116: Favorite cloud type:cotton candy?117: What color do you wish the sky was?this is fine118: Do you have freckles? like two.119: Favorite thing about a person:personality120: Fruits or vegetables?fruit121: Something you want to do right now:crochet122: Is the ocean or sky prettier?sky123: Sweet or sour foods?sweet124: Bright or dim lights?dim, i have oddball vision issues.125: Do you believe in a certain magical creature?love126: Something you hate about Tumblr:no dates on anything/ALL THE FREAKING PORNBOTS THAT ARE STILL FOLLOWING ME REGULARLY127: Something you love about Tumblr:shitposts128: What do you think about the least?i feel like this is a paradox129: What would you want written on your tombstone?list of my achievements in life(born:xxxx died:xxxx)130: Who would you like to punch in the face right now?ice131: What is something you love but also hate about yourself?how my brain occasionally forgets to filter132: Do you smile with your teeth showing for pictures?sometimes133: Computer or TV?computer134: Do you like roller coasters?ew, all that sweat and vomit baked into the seats.135: Do you get motion sickness or seasickness?no136: Are your ears lobed or attached?lobed137: Do you believe in karma?idk, i like to be nice but secretly with passive aggressive motives.138: On a scale of 1-10, how attractive would you say you are?7139: What nicknames do you have/have had?dictionary, lee, tumblr girl, dibi, mom, my child, heely girl (i have a reputation at school)140: Did you have any pretend or imaginary friends?yea, i dont remember them, but apparently i invented myself a butler.141: Have you ever seen a therapist/shrink?way back in the day142: Would you say you are a good or bad influence to others?good143: Do you prefer giving or receiving gifts/help?giving144: What makes you angryamerica145: How many languages do you speak fluently? 1146: Do you prefer boys, girls, and/or non-binaries? girls147: Are you androgynous? no148: Favorite physical thing about yourself: figure/hair149: Favorite thing about your personality: i think im funny150: Name three people you would like to talk to right now in person. my friend’s mom/my coach, my rolemodel/friend, my past self.151: If you could go back into time and live in one era, which would you choose? all the eras sucked for people like myself152: Do you like BuzzFeed?love/hate153: How did you meet your spouse/girlfriend/boyfriend/partner? [If you have one.]sexy free and single154: Do you like to kiss others’ foreheads or hands for platonic reasons? o yeah155: Do you like to play with others’ hair?yessss156: What embarrasses you?my mouth157: Something that makes you nervous/anxious:the internment camps158: Biggest lie you have ever told:so many159: How many people are you following?153160: How many posts do you have on your blog(s)?10000+161: How many drafts do you have on your blog(s)?1000+162: How many likes do you have on your blog(s)?how do i find this?163: Last time you cried and why: today. latest superstore episode.164: Do you have long or short hair?long165: Longest your hair has ever been:2.5 ft166: Why do you like, dislike, or have neutral feelings about religon?like the community it provides, dislike a lot of values taught, dislike the exclusivity, dislike the way religion is treated as a default. 167: Do you really care how the universe and world was created? only in regards to what we can do to save it.168: Do you like to wear makeup?i like sparkly eyeshadow n mascara. but dont wear regularly.169: Can you stand on your hands or head for more than thirty seconds? no170: Did you answer the questions you were asked truthfully? yea sure.

#about me #ask game #dibi speaks

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rimurutempest-bounced · 5 years

Text

questions for neurodivergent folks ( from @shitborderlinesdo )

post here!

if ur autistic:

1. do you stim?

yes, sometimes! i’ve suppressed a lot of it over time but i still do some subtly.

if so, what are yr favourite stims?

touching/tapping the tips of my fingers together, stroking soft patches of skin(esp backs of my hands, wrists, or parts of my thighs, hips, ankles), cracking knuckles, stretching fingers/feet/arms/legs rly far, rapid blinking(though i also have a tic involving blinking which is similar, but involuntary), bubble wrap,flicking light switches/door lock mechanisms, bouncing on toes, toewalking, chewing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!(esp pens/pen caps and similar textures), biting, mouthing/lipping things, clacking my teeth lightly, whistling, leg jiggle sometimes, jumping, skipping, hopping, and a few other rly specific things (like involving swimming, or being on something and hanging so im upside down and stuff)

2. happy stims? chewing, biting, skin stroking, finger tapping, skipping, hopping, jumping 3. negative stims? snapping fingers, “hiccuping” (it’s a little giggle/hiccup type thing i do, but idk what to call it), teeth clacking, leg jiggle, exposing too long to extreme cold temps, hitting head against things 4. favourite textures? idk how to explain the soft-smooth i like; silk usually looks like it should feel like this, but it doesn't. also when people talk about “plush velvet” the texture that comes to mind is good, like a really nice stuffed animal or a cavalier king charles spaniel with super soft fur, but real velvet feels bad lol. also just most fur in general, esp rabbit, cat, certain dogs. some wing or chest feathers on birds like doves. milk weed fluff. soft, squishy, fuzzy caterpillars(not the bristly guard hair ones. more like forest tent caterpillars), moon jellies, soft leather/suede, really smooth grey granite, polished shiny pink granite, lambs ear/mullein 5. least favourite textures? some types of linen are VERY BAD but idk what they are, they’re like stiff and scratchy and feel super cold? gummy bears, ew. really hard chocolate in cold ice cream, a lot of faux furs, like so many, most (sheep)wool, scallops, often times chinchilla fur feels bad, most velvet, esp crushed velvet, potato sacks, a lot of plastic bags/thin plastic film 6. what's a pet peeve of urs involving a specific sound? squeaky plastic is the worst, esp from plastic wrap. teeth grinding/bruxing is bad, hearing people having sex in another room/apt, heavy footsteps/stomping, esp when fast like running, door slamming, when people slam their hands on a table because they just thought of something, the sound quality of like...having water in your ears/popped ear drums, where everything feels muffled and almost whispery/far away, but also REALLY LOUD AND CLOSE... 7. a specific sound that makes you Really Happy? al snoring softly like a cat, my cat snoring, cats purring, crackling fires, wind whistling, waves lapping, thunder rumbling, THUNDER CRACKING, wood creaking in a strong wind, that soft snuffling of cat/dog noses, the sound of rodents digging in bedding or eating millet, angel caller bells(bola, fairy callers, whatever you call them) 8. when were you diagnosed (self or professionally)? about 6 years ago what has changed with the diagnosis? i dont hate myself for as much of my behaviours/thinking/speech patterns. im slowly trying to let myself let go of “survival mode” NT behaviours i was forced to learn 9. are there any behaviours you have that, prior to diagnosis, didnt make much sense, but now they do? too many to list lmao 10. what kind of representation would you like to see of autistic ppl in media? girls, trans folks, autistics of colour, just less cis white boy perfect example savants. autistics with “atypical” autistic symptoms. autistics with ugly meltdowns and other unpleasant symptoms. autistics who are messy eaters, who can’t dress themselves, who struggle with everyday tasks and self care. autistics with “useless” special interests that cant be reworked to make them more productive genius types. LOUD autistics.

if ur mentally ill:

11.when were you diagnosed (self or professional)?

6 yrs old or younger

12. what is your diagnosis/are your diagnoses?

BPD, (various types of)depression, DPD/social anxiety(when i’m alone)/agoraphobia, panic disorder NOS, mood disorder NOS, DID, ADD/ADHD-PI, ASD, gender dysphoria at one point, conduct disorder or whatever it was called. IED. all i can think of. all diagnosed professionally over the years, though ASD is not on any official records because i asked it to be left off to avoid that specific abuse/stigma.

13. is the community youve found with other mentally ill ppl helpful?

mostly no. but in some ways, yes. i appreciate having more access to info, hearing relatable stories, common symptoms/experiences that help me understand things better, etc. close friends with illnesses/disorders are nice, but mostly i know them for other reasons outside of diagnoses.

14. do you find it challenging to tell ppl yr mentally ill?

absolutely

15. what are the most effective coping mechanisms youve found?

im not sure. i just...cope? somehow? not always effectively, but idk.

16. have you ever been to therapy?

if yes, what helped and what didnt help?

i hate group therapy. in individual therapy, i like having my husband sit in on the sessions for support. therapist NEEDS to prompt me and ask active and specific questions. setting clear goals with clear steps helps. a lot of more “creative” methods actually are super unhelpful for me.

17. do "find your happy place" exercises help you or no?

sort of? i don’t try them much. usually they make me sadder that im not there.

18. what are some of the most Tiresome Cliches ppl tell you to deal with yr mental illness (i.e., "just do yoga!")?

“everyone gets depressed”, “yoga”, “fresh air, sunlight, and exercise!”, “essential oils”, “meditation”, “_______ diet/supplement”, “mind over matter”, “lose some weight” (THIS DOES NOT MEAN NONE OF THESE CAN BE HELPFUL AND I DO WANT TO DO SOME OF THESE THINGS, BUT STATING THE OBVIOUS ABOUT THIS SHIT AND BEING CONDESCENDING IS SO FUCKING ANNOYING)

19. what books / movies have really helped u?

none in this regard

20. what kind of representation would u like to see of mentally ill ppl in media?

idk. better. sympathetic without condescentding, infantilising, or demonising. sympathetic recovery stories, showing a happy ending, but not some “theyre cured” BS

if ur chronically ill:

21. when were you diagnosed (self or professionally)?

asthma - like 4 yrs old, tendonitis - like 13 yrs old, unspecified pain/inflammation - 2019 professionally (like 2011 ish on my own, but really it started when i was ~13), nocturnal epilepsy - not done with diagnosis process/testing as of july 2019, a few chronic infections that don’t affect me any more were diagnosed when i was a kid, idk

22. do you find the support system with other similarly affected ppl to be helpful?

i’ve not been involved much, tried it out, really

23. what do you struggle w most on a daily basis?

pain/inflammation/stiffness in joints, back, neck, shoulders, feet

24. what helps you most?

i wanna say sleep, but it actually makes everything worse so, new diet(anti inflammation), making goals/plans, spirituality, going to healing places like the woods or by the sea or mountains, massage, soft comforting petting from my husband

25. what do you want to tell able-bodied and neurotypical ppl in regards to chronic illness?

it’s not the same. yeah maybe “everyone has back pain”, but my pain and your pain are different; they happen for different reasons and they affect us in different ways. if everyone is in pain we should do something to make life easier for everyone, not dismiss people who are suffering.

26. how do u keep your strength on a daily basis? i dont

27. if yr family supportive?

mostly yeah?

if not, who do you find the most strength and support in, outside of yourself?

my husband, regardless

28. what kind of representation would you like to see of chronically ill ppl in media?

show me people who find creative, easy, free/cheap ways to be comfortable/improve symptoms. do not fucking cure them to make them happy. let them be happy and comfortable by finding new ways to do things, no by erasing their obstacles.

if u have bpd:

29. when were u diagnosed (self or professionally)?

2014, i think? though it was suggested by a therapist in like 2008 or 2009

30. do you think the support system in the community is helpful?

31. what are some of the ways you keep yrself grounded and remind yrself to Take a Step Back when bad feelings get in the way of rational thinking?

remind myself other people have autonomy, think about how i would feel if someone reacted to things i was doing the way my brain wants to impulsively react to them, talk talk talk, find something else to do as distraction

32. coping skills?

idfk what they are, they’re just there. usually.

33. how do u keep yrself in check when impulsive mood swings come around?

uh, mostly i covered this in 31. gotta reset focus on something else, find distraction that produces different emotions until mood passes

34. what skills do you use to remind yourself that you are loved?

husband. doesnt always work, but mostly.

35. who has been the most supportive of u?

husband.

36. how has your diagnosis changed the way you view yrself and yr interactions w other ppl?

more mindful of others feelings and needs, esp my mum with BPD

37. what kind of representation would you like to see of ppl w bpd in media?

not fucking abusive/manipulative or miserable. let us struggle but have great supports and practice effective coping skills so we can build stronger relationship bonds and enjoy socializing and/or things that are personally important

all ppl:

38. how do you deal w ableism that comes at you from all directions?

laugh about it with my friends i guess?

39. who in your life is the most supportive of u and yr recovery?

husband

40. who are some people on tumblr who have really helped u in yr journey?

well, i met cieran here. alice has been a good influence. there’s a few of you for sure, though maybe not all specifically for these sorts of things.

41. best coping skills?

i dont know

42. most irritating Ableist Cliches ppl use to tell u yr not good enough?

infantilizing me(comparing me to a child), mocking my productivity/commercial success, “daddy issues”, trying to gaslight me into thinking i’ve been abusive because we disagree on something/i pointed out something they dont like

43. best most supportive thing anyone's said to you?

“i want to be like you when i grow up”

44. songs for Happy Times?

counting stars, gooey, just about anything by MIKA, most “meme” songs

45. songs for Not-Happy Times?

a lot of hozier, bastille, of monsters and men, rage against the machine, flobots

46. non-triggering movies that discuss mental illness?

im not sure, i know there are some i love that i could list, but none are coming to mind. not a movie but: moomin and most ghibli media, esp kiki’s delivery service.

#long post #mental health #actuallyautistic #chronic illness #borderline personality disorder #about me #idk #shitborderlinesdo

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wesurekilledthepain · 2 years

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Literally all of them, 1-50, and go!

1. If you have a lighter what color is it? My lighter is a dark grey with a Grateful Dead skull on it.

2. Pepsi box blue or Cheetos bag orange? I think orange is the ugliest color so Pepsi blue

3. Do you like pasta? I was not aware that people didn’t like pasta. But yes I do.

4. How often are you on tumblr? I believe everyday currently. But sometimes I skip days so I guess it depends.

5. Are you only doing this because you’re bored? Umm no not really?

6. What blogs do you mostly interact with? I guess it depends on who’s also on at the time but the one I know for sure is wereall-allright.

7. Can you swim? Yes but I almost drowned once saving a friend so I don’t really do it anymore. I’m more into kayaking anyway.

8. Have you had any water today? Yes I’m actually drinking a bottle currently.

9. Which do you prefer, cotton candy or funnel cake? Oh funnel cake 1000%

10. Insert question I didn’t get an insert for lol.

11. Bass or drums? Well I have a bass guitar so I’m gonna go with that.

12. Favorite tv commercial? The bud light real men of genius commercials from the late 90s/ early 2000s. Those were fucking hilarious.

13. Can we be friends? Ummm we already are.

14. Do you admire the clouds and the color of the sky? Yea I do but I’m nocturnal so I really only see the sky when it’s dark.

15. What’s the weirdest thing that’s happened to you? I once woke up on a side walk in a neighborhood I’ve never been in with a Kit Kat in my pocket that had a huge bite taken out of it.

16. A Netflix series that’s your favorite? Afterlife. Watch it you won’t regret it.

17. An earlier obsession you remember? I mean all my childhood obsessions really kind of followed me into adulthood but idk I’d say maybe GI Joes? I had like 20 of them.

18. Do you play video games? Not as much as I you used to but elden ring is life so yes.

19. Zombies or vampires? Probably vampires. I feel like vampires just want to be left alone for the most part and I respect that.

20. Insert question

21. Your first celebrity crush? Anna Sophia Robb

22. Do you have a collection of cool rocks? No I only have one and it’s because I’m too superstitious to get rid of it.

23. Five words that describe you? Umm shit idk dude.

24. What have you learned about yourself? That I’m not the person everyone seems to think I am.

25. Can you tie a knot in a cherry stem? I know I used to be able to but I haven’t had cherrys in so long so idk.

26. Do you believe in aliens? Yes statistically speaking the odds of there being no life in the vastness of space is so fucking low dude. But I doubt they give a shit about us. Humans are stupid.

27. Books or films? Both.

28. An unusual song that’s your favorite? Seven by army of the pharaohs.

29. The last thing you ate? Peanut butter and crackers.

30. Insert question

31. Have you gotten bit by a dog? Like sort of? I had leather gloves on and I was trying to stop two dogs from fighting.

32. Do you right better with a pen or pencil? I have terrible hand writing period. No change in writing instrument is going to fix it. I just try to write as fast as I think and it doesn’t correspond as well as I hope it does lmao

33. A song that gets stuck in your head? Currently it’s that tik tok song WYD Now? By Sadie Jean.

34. When you hear peace what do you think of? You.

35. A school subject you’re good with? I was honestly pretty decent at all of them I just never showed up.

36. How many alarms do you have set? None but I usually only need like two. 1 telling me I should get up and then another telling me I need to get up.

37. Do you shop at thrift stores? Yea I think it’s dumb to buy work clothes at full price.

38. What the meaning behind your url? It’s a bright eyes lyric from a song called lua

39. Is there wise words you live by? “Do not speak Ill of yourself because the warrior within hears that and is lessened.” - David Gemmell

40. Insert question

41. You gotta have a favorite Beatles song what is it? 8 days a week or yesterday. It depends on my mood.

42. Earphones or speakers? Both? I mean it depends on the situation really.

43. What do you remember from your childhood? Umm my child hood. Idk dude that’s a vague question.

44. Do you collect anything? I collect books. I want a personal library so I never get rid of any book I read.

45. Favorite tea? Arizona raspberry iced tea.

46. A Christmas song you secretly like? Lonely Christmas by Scotty Sire.

47. Book stores or record stores? Both. You literally can’t make me choose that’s inhumane.

48. How weird were these questions? I mean I’ve had weirder.

49. What scents do you like? The smell of rain, fresh espresso, and the smell of tattoo goo.

50. Insert question.

I want you to know this took me like an hour lol.

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stoppanickingerin · 3 years

Text

02.11.21

TW// drug use, suicidal thoughts

Major setback today, but let's start with the good stuff.

I had a full day of class and then TA-ing a lab for 2 hours. It was excruciating anxiety-wise and I was exhausted, but I did it. I was also not a helpful TA at all, but hey that's ok, it's for physics 1.

However, I must have pushed myself too hard. I went home and shook for a good couple hours before remembering that my heat had been fixed and this was a panic attack coming on. I did some progressive muscle relaxation, and then I went to campus to an event with friends. However, I made it about a minute in before I had to leave before I puked in the middle of a ballroom. I decided to take my emergency benzos, which I was formerly dependent on and hadn't taken for a month. I'm genuinely scared of getting addicted again, but sometimes I'm bedridden for days with anxiety, physical illness, and intrusive thoughts after a panic attack-- that's how bad they are. I'm gonna try to sleep now, I better not have a nocturnal panic attack, those are what scare me most.

Anyways, maybe I should quit my job? I actually like TA-ing but with my mental health and also barely making minimum wage to be exposed to dozens of students in a covid hotspot is not really worth it. I can also afford to drop a class, which I don't want to, but maybe if it keeps me in school. At the same time, I feel like I need to stay busy and continue exposure therapy to stave off the agoraphobia. Idk what to do, I just want this to stop. Advice appreciated.

#agoraphobia #mentalhealth #panicattack #panicdisorder #panic #mentalillness #overcomingmentalillness

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st0ned-butch-blues · 6 years

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resolution updates

It’s important to check-in w myself so I don’t fall through with these 2018 resolutions...

1. Be healthier physically and mentally

idk how but I fucked up my sleeping schedule even more and am basically nocturnal now??

doing rlly well with avoiding the vending machine

the whole self-love thing is def not getting any better but tbh I didn’t expect it to (it’s gotten a lot worse recently)

yo girl won’t be having sex any time soon and is too drained w life to try masturbating, rlly gonna have to push this one off until I’m in a better place mentally (and prob when I’m out of Colby)

still not journaling ahhh (but I rlly am trying to make more personal posts on this blog) I get too frustrated w writing because it’s not fast enough to catch up to my brain, so I may have to start journaling digitally or some shit

found a friend that volunteers at the humane society, will hopefully start volunteering w her next semester. maybe ask ana and jean to join me

I cleaned my room for the first time this year and that was super nice and cleansing and ahhh

decided to add a resolution to drink more water cause I usually drink water once a day and... that’s not good. Downloaded the Plant Nanny app to keep me on track

try to stop drinking alcohol as ur prime social activity -> maybe try weed? don’t wanna fuck up my health lmao

2. Improve your social life

am planning a lot more social programming for clubs, which I think is a good club goal to have. we need to build community first before trying to accomplish anything else.

social anxiety has gotten worse and I need to learn how to socialize but also take it easy and stay in during rlly bad mental health days instead of forcing myself to go out and feeling even shittier

have continued to not make friends and be a passive friend to the friends I do have. fuck.

I consider myself a rlly good friend to turn to when you have problems (and my friends have been having A LOT lately), but you can't base an entire relationship off of negativity... Plan to do things w ur friends that are FUN and not just talking about problems/complaining

I'm continuing not to fuck w cishet boys as much as possible. But tbh it can be rlly hard when everyone around you still gives a fuck about them and ur rlly just trying to quit ur unhealthy thoughts associated with them

still pining after a relationship tbh. or maybe just the validation of being unconditionally loved by someone or maybe I just miss cuddling. but it’s p much confirmed that ill never get in a relationship during my time here. or get any queer sexual experiences. or sexual experiences in general. so focus on just surrounding urself w a queer community because that is the epitome of fun and love and acceptance and ahhhhh

3. Get your academic shit together. Plan for your future career/life.

most of my resolutions for this section will have to wait till next semester, so we’ll see...

have learned that taking a shower is rlly good for combating unproductivity? It’s a very relaxing, cleansing thing for me and I should start doing it earlier before I want to get shit done rather than right before I go to sleep

got into WOCA board, will start doing this food/gardening youth education volunteering thing, got a social media-y internship (still debating if I want to drop Oak Committee and whether or not to apply for CA/COOT leader)

jan plan hasn’t been strenuous academically at all. but im worried moving into second semester how I’ll handle balancing all the shit in my life on top of my unstable mental health

still have only read one book this year. get on that.

have def been watching more content, but usually in an unhealthy binge-watching, sleep depriving way. at least I have netflix now eyyy

some media I’ve rlly enjoyed recently are: Wasted! (one of the best food documentaries I’ve ever seen. rlly well done), Hasan Minhaj: Homecoming King (amazing stand-up comedy by a first-gen indian-american), RuPaul’s Drag Race (has been slowly helping me make queer friends on top of just being some quality entertainment), The Gay and Wondrous Life of Caleb Gallo (just finished binge-watching this web-series and wow this is the queer life I wish I was living)

cleaning up my personal blog is a sloooow ass process but have worked on it a liiittle

have been having problems w food again, this is a good reminder to lay off the red meat. ill rlly be able to accomplish my food resolutions when I'm in co-op next year. esp when I can go to farmer's markets and sustainably source seafood ahhh

should rlly start budgeting, logging my purchases, calculating reimbursements (for clubs and parents), and get a consistent job

haven’t done too much work w korean shit. BUT I stayed up until 8 AM listening to all of Jonghyun’s solo albums and holy shit he has some jams but like also some rlly fucking beautiful songs and his voice is so relaxing and wow I’m so fucking sad he’s gone. Even though I got into him rlly late, he was coincidently the one korean artist that kept showing up in my life randomly on social media and through friends. idk I just realized how calming korean music is for me, like I put Jonghyun’s "Before Our Spring" on repeat when I had my mental breakdown last night

applied to a summer program!!!!!! Rlly rlly rlly hope I get this one (partially so I can see heejin again tbh)

#personal #sorry for all my long ass personal posts recently

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edenalieth · 7 years

Text

Kpop tag game

Well @duckhoney tagged me in a biiiiiiig post lol so here my answers

10 groups/artists you like besides Kpop/liked before Kpop ? Coldrain / One Ok Rock / Coldplay / U2 / Three Days Grace / Wolfie / Eminem / Claude Debussy / London Grammar / Michael Jackson (many other but lets say its my actual fav hehe)

10 favorite non-kpop songs ? *currently*

Sunday Bloody Sunday (U2) / Thinking of You (Mabel) / Love never felt so good (Michael Jackson) / In Bloom ( Nirvana) / Rêverie (C.Debussy) / Glory Box (Portishead) / Starless Night (Trapnest) / Yuki ni saku hana (Hanazawa Kana) / Edge of the Earth (30 seconds to Mars) / Me and Mrs.Jones (Michael Bublé)

10 favorite movies ?

The Devil wears Prada / Lilo & Stitch / Inception / Matrix / The Lord of the Rings / Sala Samobójców (Suicide Room) / Requiem for a dream / 13 going on 30 / American Nightmare / My best friend's wedding

10 favorite tv shows, including anime & cartoons

American Horror Story / Desperate Housewives / Skins / Ink Master / The Simpsons / Shinsekai Yori / Hell's kitchen / Game Of Thrones / Next (this show was so funny lmao) ( i didnt put so much anime bc the list is too big ;;)

10 favorite manga/comics

Tokyo Ghoul / Ao Haru Ride / Orange / Death Note / Deadman Wonderland / Nana (the author is better now TvT) / Sukitte ii na yo / Kujira no kora wa sajô ni utau / Pandora Hearts / Kasane

10 things you enjoyed before kpop/enjoy besides kpop, that won't fit in the lists above ?

dancing / writing / drawing / swimming / hanging out with friends / reading / taking pictures / surfing on the web / playing with dogs / singing

Another Tag Game

( @joonwings also tagged me for this so hehe)

Nickname: Cam, Cami, CamCam, neko-chi, chaton (=kitten)

Starsign: virgo

Height: 163cm

Time right now: 8:29pm

Last thing googled: Hwarang ep8 eng sub lol

Favorite music artists: BTS + above

Song stuck in your head: (kpop one) Limitless by NCT 127 (not kpop) 24K magic by Bruno Mars and Starboy by The Weeknd too

Last movie watched: Nocturnal Animals

Last TV show watched: N'oubliez pas les paroles (its a french one haha)

What are you wearing right now: black pikachu pj and a super soft white sweater and my piggy socks

When did you create your blog: 3years ago! It was its 3rd birthday on the 30th of December :') (on tae's birthday i wasnt even into kpop lol) but i started using it 1/2 years ago

What kind of stuff do you post: 95% BTS, 3% other kpop bands, 2% drawings/photo of landscape, ppl or puppies

Do you have any other blogs: yes but im not using them

Do you get asks regularly: ...;;;

Why did you choose your URL: I like to write and before I was more into fantastic thing so its the name I imagined for my main character haha

Gender: Female

Hogwarts house: Ravenclaw (I was gryffindor before!)

Pokemon team: Fire (on pokemon go im team blue haha)

Favourite colour: black, grey, burgundy

Average hours of sleep: 6-8 hours

Lucky number: 11

Favorite character(s): ok its just SOME of them lol, Nana, Kou Mabuchi, Ken Kaneki, Jace Herondale

How many blankets do you sleep with: 1-2

Dream job: author, book editor BTS noona

Following: ppl who are following me or ppl I follow ?

BTS Would You Rather

Would you rather:

Build a snowman with V OR have a snowball fight with jhope

Get coffee with suga OR get ice cream with suga

go to the cinema with jimin OR the amusement park with jungkook

do a dance cover with jhope OR sing a duet with jin

kiss rap monster OR cuddle suga

babysit with jimin OR dogsit with v (even if im sure it'd adorable to babysit with JM)

meet jhope's family OR have v meet your family

film a commercial with jhope OR film a sketch with V

hug jimin OR hold hands with jungkook (whyyyy ;;; i want both)

go to paris with jin OR go to London with suga

film a drama with jin OR do a photo shoot with rap monster

attend an award show with rap monster OR wear couple tshirt at the airport with jungkook

spend a lazy day with suga OR explore the city with jhope

fall asleep next to jimin OR wake up next to jungkook

make up a silly rap with v OR a silly choreography with jin

have jungkook serenade you OR v sing you to sleep (i want to hear tae's lullaby....)

have a dance party with jhope OR sing karaoke with suga (i take sope)

go camping with jimin and v OR go to the beach with rap monster and suga

cook with jin OR bake a cake with jimin

have a sleepover with the hyung line OR a birthday party with the maknae line

celebrate halloween with jungkook, suga, v and jhope OR Christmas rap monster, jimin and jhope (but i want halloween too ;; itd be so funny)

~NSFW Time~ *SOS*

Would you rather:

dom jhope OR sub jin (cody do you remember)

wear lingerie for rap monster OR put lingerie on jimin

tie up jungkook OR get tied up by v (it was really hard to choose)

pull suga's hair OR get your hair pulled by rap monster

have shower sex with jimin OR have sex pool with v

perform oral on jungkook OR have jhope go down on you (DONT ASK ME TO CHOOSE!)

have a romantic sex with jin OR rough sex with jimin

have angry sex with v OR make up sex with suga

suck hickeys onto jungkook's neck OR get hickeys from v

put a blindfold on jimin OR get blindfolded by rap monster

have phone sex with rap monster OR Skype sex with jhope

ride jimin's thigh OR ride jungkook's thigh (their thighs are perfect)

have jin call you "kitten" OR rap monster call you "babygirl"

wear a collar for jin OR put a collar on jimin

beg for suga OR make jungkook beg for you (hehehehehe)

have sex backstage with jhope OR in the kitchen with jin

get teased under the table at a dinner by rap monster OR tease jimin

play never have i ever with rap monster, suga and jungkook OR strip poker with jhope, jimin, v and jin

do body shots with rap monster, suga and jin OR get lap dances from jhope, jimin, jungkook and v (show me your magic mike!)

Pick A Member | BTS

Rules: Pick ONE of the members listed for each question and explain why! Be honest ad don't just pick your favourite for every answer. Do not choose a memeber who is not listed and try to answer every question.

1. Amusement park date ? Jin/Taehyung/Jimin

• I think we like the same type of attractions and I want him to wear Mickey mouse ears hehe

2. Spend a lazy afternoon with ? Jin/Jungkook/Yoongi

• I would like to watch anime and play video games with him and just take a nap on each other arms

3.Play 1v1 sports with ? Jimin/Hoseok/Taehyung

• It'd be so funny with this idiot, like making crazy victory poses or useless moves lol

4.Make out session with ? Yoongi/Jungkook/Jimin

• I had to search what "make out" means lol but obviously I choose him :)

5.Cheek kisses ? Jin/Hoseok/Jimin

• I want to see him blushing (but also Hobi I think his reaction would be fun)

6.Do a YouTube boyfriend does your make up tag with ? Hoseok/Taehyung/Namjoon

• IT HAS TO BE HIM! bwahahaha I can't even imagine it! he'd choose a gothic style

7.Introduce to your parents ? Jimin/Jungkook/Taehyung

• Dad: so it's you, our daughter kept talking about you, she even called you a god / *me wanting to burry myself right now*

8.Go to a haunted house with ? Yoongi/Namjoon/Hoseok

• I need someone rational to comfort/distract me lol (I was hesitating with Namjoon but he's too clumsy he'd make too much nooises and I will jump every time)

9.Drunk nights with ? Hoseok/Jimin/Jin

• I think we would be the type to cry of laughter just by looking at each other faces XD (I laughed for nothing when Im drunk..)

10.Who would you want to see do aegyo for a whole day as a punishment ? Namjoon/Yoongi/Jungkook

• I was hesitating with Namjoon but I think he'd be cringy lol so the bear!

11.Who would help you pick out outfits ? Taehyung/Namjoon/Yoongi

• I like his style and love shirts so I guess Tae would be perfect for this

12.School dance date ? Jin/Namjoon/Hoseok

• I want to dance all night long and shine next to my sun

13.Sing a duet with ? Taehyung/Jimin/Jungkook

• I think our voices are matching :') I'd do the harmony haha

14.Would make you breakfast in bed ? Yoongi/Jin/Jungkook

• He's the kitchen's king ;)

15.Go on a late night adventure with ? Jungkook/Taehyung/Namjoon

• Us looking for a bowling at 3am lol

16. First time ? Taehyung/Jimin/Yoongi

• (*///*)... my moon and stars

17. Whose clothes you'd steal and wear ? Jin/Taehyung/Hoseok

• First I like his clothes (especially his sweat pants/hoodies), 2nd I just wanna smell his scent on it lol

18.Late deep night conversations with ? Namjoon/Yoongi/Jungkook

• He's the first my mind picked, I think we could "help" each other

19. Who'd you have a play water fight with ? Jimin/Hoseok/Taehyung

• I can't choose between them.. I can imagine me and Tae making a team against Hobi or them doing this with me ;v;

20.Who would you say you're most compatible with ? (Choose any of the 7 members but remember, favoristism and compatibility are two different things).

• Most of my friends say Hoseok but I think I'm more compatible with Jungkook or Namjoon :') sorry JiHope

Bias Tag

Rules: pick 10 biases and answer the questions. No specific order.

(I put them really randomly)

1.Jimin

2.Jongup

3.Hyungwon

4.Chanyeol

5. Sungjae

6.Hoseok

7.BamBam

8.Minhyuk

9.Johnny

10.Jackson

1. Between 3&6, whose most recent concept do you like more?

• I prefer the BS&T concept sorry :(

2. Between 2&10, who would you rather be stranded on an island with ?

• Jackson! XD he went on "Law of the Jungle" so he already has some skills, jungle is him ;)

3.Between 4&8, who would you trust to take care of you when you were drunk ?

• Aish... I don't really know lol maybe more Chanyeol ?

4.Between 1&2, who would you go in jail for ?

• Jimin

5.Between 5&9, who is a better visual to you ?

• Sungjae, his face is so unique idk

6.Between 7&8, who would you rather save from a sinking ship ?

•... ;---;... my babies... I put them both on something! Ill be their Jack!

7.Between 6&10, who would you rather have a movie marathon with ?

• Hoseok ~

8.Between 1&10, who do you think makes a better impression ?

• Maybe Jimin ?

9.Between 3&7, who would you prefer to kiss in the rain ?

• BamBam <3 *internal screaming*

10.Between 5&6, who would you rather have a summer fling with ?

• Hoseok. Of course.

11.Between 5&7, who would you rather do drugs with ?

• Idk at all XD

12.Between 3&8, who would you rather take home to your parents ?

�� aaaah boy from the same band x')... Minhyuk ?

13.Between 9&10, whose wardrobe do you want more ?

• Jackson like I don't really know Johnny's style yet hehe

14.Between 4&10, who would you be more surprised to see cry ?

• Jackson

15.Between 1&4, who would you rather have kiss you on the forehead ?

• Jimin but it's only bc he's my everything bc I would be extremely happy to have one from Chanchan too ;v;

16.Between 2&3, who would you rather have hug from behind ?

• Hyungwon-ssi <3 (happy late birthday my baby)

17.Between 5&2, whose group do you stan more ?

• I stan them equally honestly :/

18.Between 4&9, who is higher up on your bias list ?

• Chanyeol, I know him more <3

19.Between 1&7, who would you open your door up to during the purge ?

• ;-; both ? No I guess Jimin, I prefer to die by his hand haha

20. Between 6&9, who would you rather go to a haunted house with ?

• Hoseok! Two crybabies together XD

I tag: @space--lover @gwangjuhope @angelblushe @ofpandaspilliws @min-nevermind @jungjeonkimin @lovablehoseok (do whatever you want or just ignore it haha and if you have some time and courage do everything ;v; im just very curious about you hehe)

#done!#im sorry for the time nia #before i was doing this quickly but now...#tag tag #bts tag

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knowyoushallnot · 4 years

Text

I worry a lot, too much some say. But, in recent times of feeling crazy overthinking I'm nkt really overthinking bad situations, I'm just overthinking the lack of knowledge on my part. Maybe it's the adhd because as a child I was like this but I thought I had perhaps grown out of it.

One negative thought that has entered my daily thought process is that I'm actually weird, I'm nkt invincible to being disliked by my loved ones and peers. For years now I haven't ever worried whether my friends found me annoying or whether I'll lose them, whether my girlfriend finds me annoying, or whether I'll lose her, it has only been since lockdown started but I've started to feel small and not as confident as I once was.

I can feel my inner self resorting back to my college days where you would be lucky to get more than one word out of me a day. I really hope not because I had become fond or who I've grown into, with help from faff and my close friends.

I have also become almost nocturnal which isn't a good thing and I'd maybe why my mind is resorting to how I used to think. I never used to sleep much at all when I was in college my first year, I would go in and fall asleep on the desk nkt caring what consequences would fall upon my lap after opening my sleep deprived eyes. Thinking back on those days really does worry me, I don't wan to be what I once was before.

Back then i had one friend who stuck by me after we left school, still I wouksbt see him very much and he was busy as he remained in contact with many of our peers from school. I was bullied heavily by most of my year so decided not to follow in his foot steps, I mean, even if i tried it's not as if I would have been accepted by any of them.

I didn't have many hobbies back then, yeah I loved doing music but I wasn't writing my own material back then, I had grown tirednof what I was doing and my increasing anxiety made it very hard for me to live by the social norm for a first year college student. The bus i was meant to take would always be so busy because it would pass another college on its way and most of my peers from school would be on that bus. Even though the one friend that stuck by me would be on the bus, he wouksbt get off and I wouksbt get on but I understood it because we ran in different circles. Or, he ran in a circle and I was left sat on the sidelines running a blade of grass between my fingers until I snap it, following onto another piece of grass. So most days 8 would walk, I wouksbt walk the quick way either, I would take the middle route meaning I would walk up and over a massive hill in order to get home. The first time I did that it took me over an hour to get home and to my mother's chagrin I shook any questions off by saying I met some friends and went to town with them. For the first 2 months of college I would do that horrible walk instead of taking the easy route of catching the bus home, yes it was because if my crippling anxiety but it also allowed myself to get used. To being alone. Losing friends or family is so hard for people because growing up in school you are always surrounded by people your age no matter what, but going to college not knowing anyone there really didn't help my transition into higher education.

Another punishment my anxiety inflicted on myself was that I was too anxious to go into the canteen or a shop near by. I cousktb bare the thought of having to walk into the canteen and ordering, allowing people. To hear me get food, see me eat, see me close up, I didn't like it. So every lunch time I would walk to the park opposite of the college and sit there. I wouksbt do anything, I wouksbt listen to music, I would just sit there. The times I spent feeling so alone made me think back on myself and try and figure out what my path was.

I ended up making some "friends" and by following them, not having to talk, allowing them to run me I was for once, socially accepted.

That being 3 nearly 4 years ago I'm glad of who I am today and I guess what I'm trying to say is, I don't want to regress at all, or fall into any bad habits because I've worked too hard trying to fix myself to let myself screw it up.

Yes yes yes yes yes, of course.

Yes Ill keep working on myself for myself and for faff but lockdown has made me think too much about things that don't warrant that much thinking and the past two days I haven't been getting high. I've taken a break, whenever I take a break from weed I do fall into how I used to think and be before I became in layman's terms a stoner I was that insecure weirdo I just previously described. People say weed is a bad thing but honestly it can help people, yeah it's not for everyone and that's fine, not everything is for everyone

Idk I'm feeling very odd, not manic because I don't want to self diagnose myself or it seem like I am trying to do anything like that at all I am just feeling hyper but not good hyper, hyper as in I can sprint to my hometown, thorw a stone at my girlfriends window exlciam my undying love for her and the. Proceed to swim back

All in all

Dont

Kniw

What

The

Fuck

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isaacathom · 5 years

Text

for the topdown wb project, my thought is that i either start with the map, or i start with a magic system. and the latter soounds weird, but my reasoning is that i think i want a high fantasy hard magic setting with this one (vs low fantasy soft magic, which is honestly 90% of my settings that arent urban fantasies instead), and the earlier i have a rough system for the magic the better, because i can shape the world according to that. mosttttly in a societal sense, but perhaps the physical too. and then the magic can help me determine the deities, who are gonna be pretty important figures since theyre often right in the thick of things.

on thing i also neeeeed to consider for it is races. do i want like humans elves dwarves or do i want a few stranger things? whats the gist? whats the spread? if there are mermaids, can they come on land, and if so how does that work? i honestly would really like mermaids actually bc i have very very few of those after the uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh the EC incident (god have mercy on my soul) and i just like mermaids. gimme them. so lets sayyy humans, mermaids... thats a sea and an earth species, do we perhaps wants like, 2 or three species for each sort of locale? like a desert species, a mountain species, an ocean species, so forth? just because i dont think an earth/sea/sky split works as well because theres not land in the sky. where are they gonna live. (maybe there are floating islands i dont know yet but also Fuckkkk yeessssssssssssssssssss i just might).

maybe the map and species would be good first. the species not in any great detail (aka just a list of ‘i would like these, please!’) and then i can make a map which creates good (and bad) habitats for these species and a system which facilitates the map. so if i say i want a flying sapient species (like a harpy or some such) then when designing the map i might go ‘i would like really tall mountains for these creatures’ or ‘i would like floating islands for them to live on’. and especially with the latter, i can then look at my magic system and go ‘what features of this worlds magic facilitates this? why can the islands float?’ and that all flows.

so i guess the order is species (list) > map (coastlines rough, focussing on tectonic and climate stuff) > magic system (broad strokes and key points) > species (refine from system). then after that would probably be picking civ starting points (and detailing the map a lil more with that knowledge) and then, yknow, my dumbass breaks out an ipa chart and goes ‘YEEHAW’ and we have just. a nightmare of a time with that. the protolang shit is going to kill me. i hate that i want to do that. i am a fool (but i love it)

ok so. species! Human, Mermaid, Angel (standin), Dwarf (Standin)... what else? 4 does not feel like all that many. dwarves are the mountain ones, so either a desert or forest-y group. or ice!!! ooooohh an icy one could be nice. whose up to play as a polar bear? im down to just be a polar bear. Bear (standin).

how might we class humans, biome wise? if the mermaids are oceans, angels skies, dwarves mountains, bears polar... are they just the adaptable ones? thats always a little boring, but i suppose it is true for us. idk. i feel like deserts would be a good spot for another species, and class humans as a brooooadly forest group. grassland-like places are probably a free for all for the land dwellers, perhaps barring the bears and the mermaids (for what i hope are obvious reasons). whats a good sapient desert species, then? actually before i say that i should make it clear the bears arent literal bears. im thinking just Big Furry Humanoids, which may perhaps looks a lot like bears. perhaps.

deserts, deserts... desert species arent all that common, are they? its always the forests and the mountains and the seas. i blame tolkien, because why not. got no fucking deserts in england. cowards. orcs could... probably work in a desert? the big thing with deserts is a general lack of vegetation and easy water, which would make Big Bulky orcs kind of.... weird, evolution wise. i dont know enough about desert species (irl) to know much more, but camels are slow and retain moisture and all that reeeeal good, and then a bunch of the other stuff only comes out at night. perhaps a mostly nocturnal species? that might be a good angle. plus depending on the magic system the water might not be the biggest issue, so its mostly about energy conservation and not sweating it all out. sleep during the day. what would i put as a placeholder for that sort of creature? a vampire, i guess? that ones even more placeholdery than the others. plus theyre really associated with blood drinking and i dont know if thats the vibe i want for the sleepy desert bois. i guess ill just say Sleepy Desert Bois (standin) :D

so Humans, Mermaids, Angels (SI), Dwarves (SI), Bears (SI) and Sleepy Desert Bois (SI).

#story blogging #the project begins in some level of earnest :ok:

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