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bitch-its-me-alv · 4 years

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You can’t touch what’s mine, bitch

(Part two of He is mine, bitches)

Damian was very proud of himself. He got a very hot and sweet boyfriend 13 months ago, managed to keep that boyfriend more than happy, and had managed to hide the existence of marin from his family for 14 months.

He had no idea how an alleged family of detectives and vigilantes hadn't even noticed that their youngest member was in a relationship. And that he spent less and less time with them and more with Marin. He was severely disappointed in his family, although he never said it out loud, he thought they would make better opponents.

In Marin's apartment he even had his own closet where he had his clothes, the only reason Damian kept coming back to the Mansion was because of appearances and his precious pets.

But he knew he couldn't go on like this forever. he wanted to introduce his family to Marin, to see how damn perfect he was, his photographs around the world, his point of view so different from the others, the way he sang for Damian even when he was in another room… Well maybe if he kept to himself how weak he was for his boyfriend everything would be fine.

With a good contact on the dark web, he got a protector on his cell phone, and so there were more than two thousand photos with Marin. They on their first date, in the bathroom mirror, at gotham school, in the classrooms, in the cafes, in bed. Their chat seemed like they were talking for years, full of memes that Damian didn't understand at first, and memes with their own faces.

He take all possible measures, but never anticipated that Marin would get sick from some kind of virus, forcing him to stay in bed, well, Damian actually forced him after Marin almost fell down the stairs at school.

So when he informed his father that he would take a break from patrols until further notice, he turned on all the Wayne family alarms.

Little Demon Spawn wouldn't use patrols as an excuse to hit people? Would he pass up the opportunity to take his katana out of its case? Who had he killed? Oh my god, would he be doing drugs? Maybe that would explain the little bruises on his neck and wrist.

“Oh for all the bats, Bats, what are you going to do? your only son of blood became a drug addict!”Dick very concerned about his little brother's safety “Tim, hack his cell phone, look it up in the network of cameras in the city, we can't leave it like that!”

“Calm down, boy wonder. It is clear that he killed someone and he is not using drugs.”Jason tried to appease his brother in his mother hen way.

"Well, he's hiding something big, someone has been removing images from cameras for over six months, and Damian coincidentally never sees himself in them, not even at school.”Tim didn't want to alarm anyone, but the fact that he hadn't found evidence of his little brother in the last six months in the city was certainly a big concern.

Had he been going back to his habits from the prince of assassins?

Everyone looked at Bruce, waiting for his words. “We will follow him just to make sure he is safe, whatever his secret he will tell us sooner or later.”

(They didn't know it was more later than sooner)

Nightwing, Red hood, Red robin, and Batman followed the low trail Damian left when he left the mansion. Unaware of the luck they had, of Damian being in a discussion on the phone with Bourgeois, to distracted to know he was being followed.

They stopped on the roof opposite the minimarket that Damian entered. With tim setting up the microphone to understand what Damian was saying. Another red flag was that he could not hack his cell phone.

"There is no need for threats Bourgeois, I understand the delicacy of the situation, and I am fully prepared to waste a couple of days on the cause."

No one in the family harbored hope at this point.

After hearing Bourgeois rant about the importance of his best friend's health, Damian continued navigating the soda aisle, he would never understand why Marin insisted that Dr.Pepper was the best of drinks when Mountain-Dew was clearly superior.

"To prevent him from trying to escape I had to chain him to bed, his insistence on continuing with his final project is very irritating, I am grateful that he can hardly speak at this point, or else his voice would be ringing throughout the department."

The whole Bat family was shocked and disappointed, Damian was holding a hostage somewhere horrible, and he was working with someone else.

At leaving the store, the vigilantes dispersed, all decided to find Damian's hostage, then they could deal with Demon Spawn. They were a little scared of what Damian could have bought in a simple minimarket to use as torture.

From Damian's phone, Chloe gave up with her hateful act and said goodbye to her best friend's boyfriend. "Just make sure he recovers properly, it is very rare that he gets sick, no matter what country or climate Marin was in, he almost never contracted any disease."

"I am conscious chloe, we both know that if there is someone Marin surrenders for, it will be me. I will inform you of any change in his condition."

He hung up the call as he entered his apartment building. His call with chloe lasted his entire journey on the street, luckily he was about to spend all his time with his soft and muscular boyfriend.

Meanwhile, on the rooftops around, the watchers waited for a more appropriate place for torture, but with their beloved Demon Spawn they never knew. Tim pulled out the binoculars so he could see through the walls of the building, looking for the poor soul that Damian held captive.

What they did not expect was for Damian to reach the top floor of the building, taking off his coat and shoes as he entered. The apartment very well furnished and full of life, as if someone actually lived there.

Batman was about to fly straight to the biggest window in the apartment, when what Tim saw made him fall backwards. Bats snatched the binoculars away from him before anyone else could.

"Bats you really don't want to see what's going on there, you wish you could forget it!" All the boys went crazy trying to get Tim to tell them what he had seen.

Inside the apartment, Marin was chained from his right hand to the head of his bed, his mystical blue eyes reddened at the corners, his body rendered by the dark green sheets that Damian had insisted on buying or would not sleep in bed. Marin saw nothing wrong with the old bear sheets.

Instantly Marin felt better when her grumpy boyfriend came home. If he could have produced any vaguely human sounds, he would have rushed Damian into the room.

Before Damian could say anything to his very sick boyfriend, Marin pulled him down onto his chest. Damian was very frustrated that despite all his years of killer training, he always fell on his boyfriend's chest. It was very common to find himself more than six times with his face buried in his hard chest.

So as a very usual act, he made himself comfortable to lock Marin between his body and the bed, holding on tight as always.

They give each other a chaste kiss to avoid germs, but the habit is difficult to break even for a few days. Tim falls on his back at that moment.

“Why did you take so long? It is sooo boring here without your vocabulary of yesteryear and your beautiful frown.” Damn the expensive cologne that always clings to damian, making his neck and hair always so tempting. He curses his body that matches him, which is always ready to attack at any time, and curses his sharp jaw.

"Your very dear best friend distracted me all the way, pretending to be the enemy, as if she hadn't been happy for us when we got together"Damian rolls his eyes.

Marin apparently having said the last thing his throat could handle surrenders to his boyfriend's possessiveness, letting Damian give him little kisses all over her face, excluding his lips.

Across the street batman curses and turns around, contacting agent A. Tim comes out of his stupor and tells his brothers what he saw. They also desperately contact agent A, the only sane one in any situation.

Two days later Marin is fully recovered, shining like a malicious and amiable ray of sunshine.

After Marin confessed to Damian that he knew he was Robin by his butt, and consequently deduced who the other bats were, along with super boy and superman, the barriers of the alter egos had fallen, and in exchange Marian told him about what he found in the Amazon caves and about who his relatives were.

To say that Marin had been about to split the marble island of his kitchen in two because of nerves would not be a lie, but once again, Damian surprised him by saying that it was not very important in his relationship that he had villains as a family, reminding Marin that his mother and grandfather were assassins and that he was also assassin at some point.

So there were no unpleasant surprises in their relationship, but there were surprises for the rest of the world. Marin knew about the secret that Damian was hiding from his family, because he was the secret.

He didn't get it wrong, no, Marin knew that Damian was more than willing to tell the world who he was dating, if the first selfie he published was something to consider, or ... all the broken hands he left behind because he thought they were very comfortable with him.

Oh, he loved when damian got all possessive, like a bristling kitten, or rather a panther ready to attack.

Returning from his fantasies, Marin decided to tell Damian that his time was up. His aunt Ivy had mentioned that the cameras hidden among the succulents had caught the bats spying on them days ago. Harley and ivy investigated before informing him, wanting to make sure they weren't going to confront him.

He loved Ivy and Harley, but the fact that they had called his parents and his nonna had not made him very happy, now he would have to explain why he had not told them about his boyfriend.

Marin hoped that the feeling of imbalance that was beginning to form in his chest was only the work of the family drama that was coming and nothing else.

➞ ➞ ➞ ➞ ➞ ➞ ➞

Damian was a bit more bitter than normal at school during the morning, he would admit that his call with Bourgeois distracted him from his surroundings, but it was about time that his family began to suspect.

Obviously he didn't take it out on his angel, he was what kept him going, so if Marin's fans came out with completely unnecessary bruises, neither Jon, Chloe, or Marin said anything.

And when Marin started kissing him more often to distract him nobody complained so much.

By the middle of the school day Damian had his hair messed up by Marin, Jon had chosen to warn Marin's outside friends about getting close, and Chloe was on her cell phone as usual. But a strange call to Marin sparked everyone's interest.

Marin reluctantly answered upon seeing the unknown number, but when no one spoke on the line, he knew it was a premonitory call.

The group partially aware of Marin's secrets nodded in acknowledgment, attentive to what was to come.

➞ ➞ ➞ ➞ ➞ ➞ ➞

Tim was ready to die, Dick was almost there, and Jason was more than pleased to help his little brothers leave this plane of existence.

Bruce was regretting in the darkest corner of his cave, what had he done wrong for his son to hide his partner? The moments of fatherhood that he shared with his son came to his mind ... and he realized that in reality he had not done much fatherly, so it made sense.

“I can't find any mention of Marin Dupain-Cheng, Jon Kent, Chloe Bourgeois or Damian on the internet for the last year. Everything has disappeared since October 28 from last year.”Tim was going crazy, he couldn't possibly find nothing.

“Calm down replacement, you can not find anything because you are looking for them from our devices and accounts. Alfred lent me his cell phone, and when I look for the name of our mysterious boy many interesting things appear”

“What are you waiting for Jason? Show it on the screen, I'm worried about little D”Dick said.

Bruce just nodded to his son, he had to be a better father to Damian from now on.

Jon, Chloe, Damian and Marin instagram appeared on the main screen of the cave. All with ridiculous names, like hellaMari, NottrollJon, QueenChloOriginal, and TheDEmon66. With too many followers to be just teenage accounts.

The only recent one was that of damian, where his photos were of him distracted, the one with Marin or the animal welfare he helped and the one he founded.

I had comments like: I would like to be you, how lucky you are, how I chose you, omg give me your life, etc ... It was very disturbing for the bati family, especially because they did not know that it was THE Damian Wayne, nor did they have his real name, they called him demon.

The evidence was refuted a year ago, with a photo in the instagram of Marin, of Damian and him facing the sun. With Damian's hair styled in a modern way, and with Marin lying on him, winking. Damian didn't even look the same even though he wasn't smiling, how happy he looked without needing to smile amazement at his family.

Thereafter, Jon and chloe began uploading photos of the group. A video especially on the NottrollJon insta convinced them to stop snooping.

Now they just had to wait for Damian to come back.

➞ ➞ ➞ ➞ ➞ ➞ ➞

"Since they overcame their own incompetence, I decided this would be the most effective, Marin, this is my family, my father Bruce, Grayson, Todd, and Drake. I think Alfred is in the kitchen but you already know him. Father and idiots, this is Marin my boyfriend for a year, congratulations for finding out.”

The bats definitely did not expect Damian to arrive with Marin after school, they had assumed they would have to hunt him all over the mansion. Even so, Bruce always prepared for everything with his mask, he shook Marin's hand, impressed by the height and strength of the boy.

"I'm glad you guys have finally discovered our secret" Marin smiled to the bats, making Damian grumpty.

“Wow, why are you like the sun if you date Demon Spawn?”

“Wait, did you know that he was hiding you from us?” Dick was surprised.

“Well ... I think we better start the story in the dining room, we don't want to make Alfred wait.” Damian was very pleased with his family's reactions and the fact that they were very surprised to approach Marin.

None in the family knew how to describe Marin yet. Physically, it was quite a surprise, with his big, slanted eyes, his symmetrical face, the fact that he was bigger than Jason in muscles and height, that his smile rivaled Grayson's, and that his dark blue hair was real.

But they knew very little about their attitude, tastes, or backstory. Tim's investigations had been very vague, only discovering that in reality there were not many papers about Marin because he had never been to school, or had lasted more than nine months in one place.

Then they followed the boys into the dining room, still amazed at Damian's attitude. Determined to inspect Damian's boyfriend thoroughly and decide for themselves how dangerous Marin Dupain-Cheng was. After all, if their beloved little brother liked it, it would have to have a dark side.

➞ ➞ ➞ ➞ ➞ ➞ ➞

As night fell, the bats could tell that Marin Dupain-Cheng did not lie to them even once. With their detective senses on edge, everyone could agree that he didn't tell a lie even once.

Which leaves them with the incredible travel anecdotes that Marin had related to them to please Damian and distract him from the accusations of his family.

It was refreshing to say the least, Marin's point of view on heroic and villainous figures, the problems of the world, the little ones, the horrible situations of the poor, the wonders of traveling. It was a drastic change to what they were used to. A vision stained brown with red and black shades, the city, the complaints and the pressure on the vigilantes or the absolute disgust for the anti-heroes or rogues.

“So you were in the scarecrow attack at the museum a year ago, and you threw your motorcycle at the guys who were shooting at you?” It was obvious that Jason had reminded him of the incident long ago, but unaware that Marin already knew their identities because of her boyfriend's butt, Jason pretended he hadn't been there.

Tim, Dick and Bruce had also been there, but they didn't see the moment that happened, so their disbelief was not acted.

"Was it because of the toxin of fear, or before you could already launch motorcycles at your whim?"Bruce spoke, seriously, what the hell did he take in the morning to make his voice so deep and strong?

Marin told Damian that it was the magic of the dark knight, but Damian dismissed it saying that after pretending so much he had stayed like this.

“Oh no, it's actually partly because I do what I can to keep fit.“Marin and Damian knew what was coming

“And the other part? "Dick asked suspiciously.

“Well that's thanks to my curse” Marin shrugged. As Damian reached for his hand under the table and all the bats leaned in his direction synchronously.

“Damn, like magic and that?”

“Yeah, when I was five, my nonna took me to the Amazon, of course she hadn't originally thought about going to the jungle, but for some reason I escaped, and ended up being swept away by a current in the river. Miraculously, I came to some kind of cave next to the rapids, where I touched something I shouldn't have touched and then the plague's curse clung to me.” Marin didn't mention that the curse came with the slim silver ring that right now was being rubbed by his boyfriend.

“So you're saying, that you have super strength because you drank from the Amazon River?“ Tim hit Jason, wondering if that white streak actually meant the death of all his neurons.

"It is more complicated than that but yes, it is actually quite similar to what you say”

Damian looks at his father, he will never admit it, but he was worried that his father did not like Marin, either because of his magic, the fact that he discovered his secret identities ... Or that his family is made up of the rogues of Gotham and other non-heroic personalities.

“He also discovered our identities a month after we started dating "Damian let out.

This time no one moved, with poker faces and saved breaths. Tim was the boldest "How ... did that happen?"

“I know Damian's butt from near, and being Robin didn't hide his butt very well.” Marin knew exactly how to break the tension, even if it means embarrassing his boyfriend a bit.

Jason and Dick started laughing seconds later, Bruce massaged his forehead, with the slightest blush on his cheeks. Tim dropped his head to the table, regretting his question, Damian just covered his blush, without looking directly at his family.

“Tt, Marin, couldn't you just tell them something else?”

“Of course not mon amour, they would know if I had lied”

After that they moved into the living room, where the fireplace was conveniently already on. The talk was postponed until it was late at night, and Marin after so many jokes with Jason and Dick had forgotten to mention that his parents would be coming to Gotham soon to meet them all.

Oh well, interesting things were definitely to come.

➞ ➞ ➞ ➞ ➞ ➞ ➞

Damian had a good night, maybe it had to do with the fact that he shared a bed with Marin, but they had done that before, or maybe it was the fact that this was the bed where he slept only before meeting Marin. Or was it because he had finally introduced his boyfriend to his family, and they all got along wonderfully.

Naturally someone had to ruin his good mood, and to his surprise, it wasn't his brothers this time, not even bruce had that nerve. It was that annoying weakling with casuela hair and orange spots on his face who dared to affirm that he had dated Matin and had currently come to town to repair his relationship.

The rest of the Gothnamites at school seemed unconvinced of their cheap babbling in bad English, but Damian didn't give a shit what his classmates thought. The important thing was that they had learned the lesson about Marin a long time ago, and it seemed like Damian would have to break some noses to make his point again.

"Oh yeah, my Mari and I were like this in the past." He showed his intertwined fingers. "But when he had to leave France because his aunt was trapped in the Himalayas it broke my heart, now that he's in town he has been insisting that we come back, isn't that so romantic that he dragged himself along for me?"

Lian was proud that all eyes in the hall were on him, who said that the Gothnamites were smarter was clearly an idiot.

Perhaps he did not realize that all eyes were of displeasure, weariness, and a few concerns. The skinny boy clearly didn't know what he was getting into.

Damian approached with irritation, after a quick check, decided he couldn't hit him ... as hard as he wanted. The chestnut build was too weak, and judging from the orange stains and chipped teeth, there was a more than 73 percent chance that a punch from him would send him to the hospital, and Marin had made him promise not to send more people to the hospital, to the hospital outside of school.

"Oh, so you and Marin are something?" Damian said to the chestnut, ignoring how people began to crowd with interest, while leaving space so that they did not cross with the cold words of Ice Prince, or his fists.

Lian, ignorant and malicious noticed the growing crowd, he had to do it right, or Adrianna would destroy him.

"Well… I don't really want to create any misunderstandings, especially with all the false publicity that he put on instagram, I mean, Marin didn't know a better way to get my attention, so he ended up hiring that model to fake a relationship for Internet." The crowd gasped, that boy would end up knocked out.

"Woah, everything that has come out of your mouth is nothing but shit, and I've only had the misfortune to meet you for a minute."Damian spoke. “So I will tell you something flimsy rat, Marin has never had something with you nor will he, he is a man of good taste, he has class and high standards that you will never can fill in your miserable excuse for life. So you better shut your mouth full of shit before I kick your ass and those horrible orange stains you have.”

The students smiled, that bastard would finally shut his mouth in the best way, oh, and sunshine prince did not look close, there was a great possibility of punches.

Lian did not know what was the best way to react, that guy was scary, damn, he was surely the thug, the safest thing was to play the scary victim, anyway he was too scared to act angry.

"Oh, maybe you are one of the people who is in love with Marin, I can't blame you, my boyfriend is charming that everywhere he go he get a ... admirers entourage, it is understandable that you are angry but there is no need to do great matter about it.”

Damian was about to reply with his usual cold and dark aura, when his boyfriend entered the crowd.

Lian, or actually Lila, cringed at the sudden appearance of Marin, she / he thought it would keep her record of being late to school and give her time to manipulate the sheep.

“Stop your pathetic act Rossi, the French in our old school may be a ball of idiots, but in Gotham things are very different.”

Ah, Marin. It could be called sunshine prince and boy did it fit him. You can be in his graces and be lucky to have a ray of sunshine to light up your days, or you could be an idiot without self-preservation and die from sunburn.

Lian tried to regain command, wild was going to kill her, she had not been in the city for five days and had already been discovered.

“Oh, Marin darling, you don't have to protect me from the media anymore, you can stop pretending.”

He tried to get closer, but damian slapped his hand against the lockers before he could touch him. Lian did not hesitate to exaggerate and throw himself against the lockers. "Agh, this brute just attacked me! Separate him from me!"

No one moved, sharing the feeling of shame that apparently the skinny did not have.

Marin decided to speak. "Let it be known, that I am not associated in any way with this cheap and lying bitch. Anything that comes out of her mouth is more false than the pyrite. I hope I don't see you again Rossi"

When Lian was about to throw herself at Marin's feet, Damian stopped him, putting his brand name shoe on her chest.

“Don't even try you bastard, he's my boyfriend. And you can't touch what's mine, bitch.”

When the order of the hierarchy was restored, with Damian and Marin walking hand in hand the students lost interest, and left quickly. Completely forgetting the sulfuric chestnut on the ground.

Lila Rossi was so fucked up, and the Agrestes still didn't know.

At a spa across town, Chloe had a feeling. And in a room a few doors from where Rossi Jon was, he also felt it.

#daminette #male marinette #maribat #damian x marinette #lila is fucking faking be a boy for attention i fucking hate her

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whimsicaldays · 3 years

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Wednesday February 24, 2021

Matthew McConaughey once said that he doesn’t write to remember, he writes to forget. Who I am as a writer has never resonated so much with a sentence because that’s the only way I’ve ever known writing to be. Not something to look back on; Not something to reminisce over. But something that just kind of bleeds out of me when the going gets tough; When the connections aren’t quite forming in my head. I write it, I understand it, and then I let it go.

Matthew McConaughey also once said that it’s important to learn how to write to remember as well. To write the good along with the bad. The trials along with the triumphs. In 10 years, do you want to dive back and see years of mere pain and heartbreak? or do you want to see the way you rose above it? How you became the phoenix rising from the ashes of it all. That resonated more with me so here it is.

In 2020 I was diagnosed with stage 1 melanoma skin cancer. There was a tiny mole on my leg that I would have never thought twice of, and yet somehow I did, and months later while roaming the aisles of target I got a call from a number I would have typically let go to voicemail, but somehow didn’t, and there it was. “Michelle I have the results of your biopsy.. It did come back as cancer.” what. “Michelle where are you? Are you sitting down? You should sit down” The conversation that will forever be burned in the back of my brain.

Melanoma.. I knew that name so well. I knew it from all the days my mom would grow quiet or cry over a song or a memory that reminded her of her mom. The big moments she wouldn’t be around for. How crazy it felt that I would never meet her. I knew it for my uncle with the biggest smile I’ve ever seen. For the man who was so full of life. For the first time I ever saw my grandpa cry. I knew it so well and yet here it was living in my body. Every part of me that had held it together, piece after broken piece, during what had already been one of the hardest years of my life, had completely broken down. I had this pain deep in my soul that wouldn’t go away, not even when I found out it was stage 1, not even when I had my surgery, when I recovered, when I was told it was likely all out of my body. I was so fucking sad. Why did this happen? Why was I not more careful? I fell down a google rabbit hole of having the gene, being 10x’s more likely to get it again, wondering when this thing was going to come back and kill me.. Like it did for my Nonna. Like it did for my uncle.

My dad told me that having cancer turned out to be the biggest blessing of his life, because it changed him mentally. That when he went into remission, his perspective completely shifted, and that deep depression that hung around for so much of his life, was completely gone. I knew he had changed, I’ve watched him soften and soften as the years pass. The rough, anxious man I knew growing up, isn’t there anymore. He’s happy, calm, light. He believed it would all be the same for me, that God’s purpose was so much bigger than all of this, that I would come out the other side so much stronger than I ever knew myself to be. That didn’t feel like the case though. I was angry, frustrated, scared, sad, numb, withdrawn. Six months.. Six months is how long it took to realize that my dad was right all along; It has changed me.

I stopped caring. I stopped counting ever calorie, criticizing ever bone in my body. Googling botox, plastic surgeries, instagram stalking people I wish I looked like.

I stopped going in for highlights every couple months. Stopped being frustrated that I didn’t have that perfect blonde balyage like every girl that I saw everywhere; All of the girls that pay to look exactly like each other. I started growing out my bangs, growing out my natural hair color, going out without any makeup on.

I started holding back from the people who drained me, and gave a little more to the best people in my life. People I have neglected most of all. People who have been there to hold me, to lift me up and to shower me with unconditional love, even when I’ve been far from deserving of it.

I’m so much more emotional. I cry way more than ever before, and I’m touched by people and their stories way more than I ever have been before.

If there’s anything this year has taught me it’s that life is too short to care about the things that DO NOT MATTER. I’m blessed to be alive, blessed to have my parents alive. Blessed that my family is safe and healthy.

And here I am to say that 6 months ago, I decided out of nowhere to get my moles checked, something I had never done before, and if I hadn’t, maybe I wouldn’t have been here a year from now.

My dad was right, God’s purpose was so much bigger than myself and so much bigger than the cancer.

I feel myself coming into my own, of being more of the person I’m meant to be, and less of the person who was dragging her down

So many greenlights, so many more to come.

#life #journey #writing #diary #personal #cancer #skin cancer #melanoma #greenlights #matthew mcconaughey #writer

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worldcakecakecake · 4 years

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The Red Mask

In 18th century Valencia, Spain, thrives the legend of the Red Mask, a character with stories of bravery and heroism that have enchanted Lovino Valenti since he was a young child. On a new business deal, his family moves from Naples and Lovino finds himself wishing for adventure and action away from his duties in this new Spanish city. He is given that chance when he joins a group of masked heroes that fall under the command of the famed Red Mask. He grows a close and fiery relationship with the masked man of his tales and dreams, and without knowing his identity, he lets himself be swayed by his seduction, trust and daringness, to passions surely forbidden when he doesn’t even know his actual name or who he really is.

So, yes, I know I said that The Red Mask will be in hiatus, but after thinking about it, I decided that instead I’m just going to post whatever amount is good for a chapter instead of filling a full draft page. Either way you guys were gonna be kept waiting, but I think this is the option that makes you guys wait less. I hope you enjoy!

Chapter 2

Lovino had awakened early, unusual for him, but in all honesty, he was excited to be in a new place, a new city, a new country and wanted to enjoy well from his first morning, adjusting and getting to know how the sun shone.

Perhaps only two servants were working. He left his brother asleep in the bed and he hadn’t heard of nonno yet. The house was in a delightful silence, his steps adding to this melodious morning, letting himself breathe it all in, trying to control himself from skipping to the breakfast room. He was proud to admit he was happy.

“Buenos dias!” It had broken the moment he was met with the other, already taking sitting in the table and enjoying from a drink. Lovino froze at the entrance, nervous, fretting, forgetting his words or how to even react.

“How do you feel?” Antonio smiled in utter calm.

“What are you doing here?” Lovino found himself asking, his eyes suspicious, locking into the Spanish man as if it could give him some sort of truth.

“Um…” Antonio gazed about, wondering truly what the problem could be. He looked over himself, to his drink, even patted his hair to make sure he presented himself as he intended. “…having breakfast,” he shrugged.

Lovino rolled his eyes, then remembering he was to live there and thus it was obvious he would want to have breakfast with them. “Never mind,” he simply uttered, taking seating, blessing that there was already bread and fruits on the table, filling a small presented plate. Lovino continued with his food like he was the only one there, not sparring a word and Antonio would just sit there…staring, taking occasional sips from his drinks, as if waiting for some kind of show.

“What?” Lovino easily tired of it.

Antonio shrugged, “was kind of hoping you would give me your good morning as well.”

“I don’t feel like it.”

“It’s simple courtesy.”

“I don’t feel like giving it to you right now,” he took a harsh bite of his bread, loud and messy as to keep it sole in the room.

Antonio still kept his smile and continued his watch, switching from the other to the decorations on the walls, on the plates, on the table, letting that silence reign. “Maybe tomorrow you’ll give me a good morning,” he hoped.

Lovino shrugged, “let’s see if I’m in the mood.” He was done, he could pretty much stand and leave by now, but he was used to always spending his mornings with his grandfather and brother, chatting and being granted his duties for the day. It didn’t seem like he should go clean anything, or go to the marketplace, or help his brother with something he couldn’t carry…but he had to be given something. He refused to give another word to this stranger or to stand without having spent the morning with his family, so he joined him on the non-impressive staring, on the same details, colors, admiring, one pretending the other wasn’t there. Graciously they heard other sounds, footsteps, some rushed, stumbling, surely a fall, the other prepared, sure and with clear direction. Lovino could easily tell who with a roll of his eyes.

Feliciano was the first to reach, still in his night clothes, legs bare but as excited as if he was properly dressed for a party. “Good morning!” He shouted well for the entire house surely.

“Good morning!” Antonio returned just in earnest, with a glance to Lovino surely hinting at how it should be done. Lovino scuffed and completely turned away.

“It’s so nice to have someone new for breakfast. Is it all right? Do you like it? If anything I can go make you something!” Feliciano excited.

“Feli, amore, calm down, no need, we now have cooks that can do just that,” and so Augusto introduced himself to the day, dressed poised and well to deal with business surely.

“I would still like to make something from time to time,” the younger pouted.

“And you will have that chance! But for now, let us relax and enjoy our fist morning here, properly.” He sat down and Feliciano followed along, starting instant conversation with all in the table. Antonio joined simply to have a chat, while Lovino remained mostly silent, glaring whenever Feliciano mentioned something too over the top.

“-and now I am sure that this mansion is in fact, not haunted,” he declared with a deep smile, flowing his knife around as he spread butter on his bread.

“I told you so,” Augusto commented with his own smile, enjoying his younger grandson’s childness.

“Honestly, Nonno just mentioned the couple and you suddenly made up this tale and you actually believed it,” Lovino rolled his eyes.

Feliciano shrugged, “you never know.”

“I told you they died in Morocco.”

“Maybe they were really attached to this place.”

“It is a gorgeous house, I can see why someone would want their spirit to continue on here,” Antonio seemed to defend Feliciano’s absurdity.

“Exactly!”

“Well, last night gave you enough proof that not.”

“I hope you actually go back to your own bed tonight.”

“Don’t you like sharing the bed with me?” Feliciano pouted.

“It’s not that I mind, I just think we should enjoy from our chance to have our own space and privacy.”

“This is really your first time having a home like this?” Antonio wondered.

Lovino wished that they didn’t inform so openly to a stranger.

“My boys, yes.”

“Nonno belonged to a noble family of merchants in Rome, but after he met our Nonna, he eloped and ran away!” Feliciano eyes always glowed this way whenever he told the tale.

“I confess, yes. She was Greek and from very poor standings. My family heavily disagreed with the match as they didn’t think it would be fruitful for our business. But my love for her was stronger than whatever scorn my family held. So we ran away and settled in Naples where I started building my own trade. We also spent some years in Florence and Venice.”

“And he had Mamma, then Mamma had us! And we were really happy…even though we never got to meet our Nonna,” Feliciano saddened, Lovino giving in but only slightly, while Augusto seemed like he had been heavily pierced.

“If…I may ask…what happened?” Antonio wanted to dare.

“Died in childbirth…” Augusto drank to try and swallow whatever despair, “I had to raise our daughter by myself.”

“And…where is your daughter?”

The air became tense, frowning instantly when it had been so joyous.

“She was killed,” Lovino made the instant blow, wanting to get over it and let it pass before it lingered and made them think about it longer.

“Oh…that’s…that’s…awful, I’m so sorry, I shouldn’t have intruded-”

“If you are to live here, you were bound to find out at some point and I’m sure you will learn more.”

Antonio still held deep questions but preferred to leave it for a time they could be more comfortable with his presence, perhaps considering him a friend by then. “She must have been a good soul. I am sure it is resting well in heaven with our lord.”

“Lovino and I think she’s an angel up there,” Feliciano admitted such childish notion, making Lovino want to sink beneath the table. Antonio found it endearing, smiling at Lovino to show how sweet he thought it.

“But now,” Augusto dropped his cutlery on his plate to signify he was done, “I want my boys to get to know their surroundings and discover everything this city has to offer,” he smiled to them, expectant and excited. “I was hoping you could perhaps offer them some sort of tour, if you do not mind that is, Antonio.”

“I’ll be glad to!” He sounded truly delighted.

Feliciano clapped, ready to jump that instant and head off.

“Nonno, I really think I should help you with-”

“Oh, Lovino, there is no need! I’m sure your time will come, but for now, enjoy yourself, learn about your new city and then you can properly focus on business… all right?” His grandfather cradled his head sweetly, a gesture that hadn’t changed since his childhood and he hoped shall forever remain, for it did well to calm, remind of love no matter the harsh circumstances…even his age and their partnership in business now.

“…sì, Nonno.”

“I leave you to enjoy the day,” he smiled in farewell and left them to their plans.

Feliciano hurriedly went to change, while Lovino sighed, moving over to wait for Antonio and Feliciano by the main door. He preferred not to spend more silent alone time with the cleric.

It was a weekday, yet the Italian boys found the city to be as plentiful as if a festival was occurring. It was hard to move themselves between when they walked down small gorgeous streets with sellers offering the most fantastic wares, but when they reached open squares, they could breathe and admire buildings formed with arm and unique craftsmanship. Antonio did well to tell countless of stories, explaining and bringing more knowing to the boys’ mind of the city. Feliciano was already enamored, while Lovino constantly craved for either something to eat or to head back home.

“And he went alone…to Thailand?!” Feliciano was incredulous.

“Not completely alone…he did bring Miss Luna Odalis Gutiérrez Martirio!”

Lovino thought it would have been more exciting if Antonio had not dramatized and sung the name so well, but it had Feliciano clapping.

“Oh! So, they did runaway together! I hope they’re happy over there!”

“There’s a rumor that the last message that was sent to the Ibarras spoke of a coming child.”

Feliciano got even more excited and Lovino rolled his eyes, in its change noticing a stand with gorgeous artistry of stone, in wondrous colors, some shinning with precious jewels. He didn’t care if he stood back alone as he gazed at a particular one, depicting a splendorous harbor. In his distraction, he was unaware of an approaching carriage, running widely and ignorant to the calls of guards. By the time Lovino heard and noticed, he was well on the way, cowered for a coming hit surely. He was pulled to an alluring scent, feeling a strong chest and a comfort he didn’t think he could feel in such crowded streets. In this sudden fear, he lounged and wrapped his arm well around this body, practically cuddling into it as he breathed heavily, watching the carriage continue its rampage throughout the city unaware of what it had almost done.

“Are you all right?” And Lovino met enchanting green eyes, with a smile and a frame that exhilarated his heart in a way he rather it wasn’t in.

“I-I..I’m fine!” And he pushed him away, rubbing his suit off as if it could remove the gesture.

“We’ll be done in a short while, I just want you to see this amazing view, so I’ll need you to stay close.”

“Fine…fine,” and Lovino followed, keeping his head on the ground now, on Antonio and Feliciano’s footsteps, hoping for no more distractions.

The walk took a couple of more minutes, elevating high walls and roads until they stood at a good height, the city well-presented around them, close, gorgeous and with a wonderful warming sky to complement. Lovino awed as Feliciano, both coming to the edge, to the hold of the railing as if with it they could take the city into their hands.

“Oh…it’s spectacular, Antonio!” Feliciano worded the compliments surely Lovino thought as well.

“I’m very glad you like it,” he smiled, taking Lovino’s side in the leaning.

“Have you lived here your whole life, Antonio?” It seemed like Feliciano was going to do most of the talking and questioning.

“I only moved when I was sixteen, so…I’ve lived about fourteen years here.”

“With you family?”

“The church is my family.”

Lovino finally raised with a questioning gaze, half open mouthed that Antonio was eager to hear words from.

“Oh, that’s very nice! Antonio, you’ve told us many great things about the city and it was all wonderful, but, is there something I can ask about that I hope won’t be too much?”

“Go ahead.”

Lovino was terrified he would mention it.

“I, and I know Lovino too, want to know if you’ve ever seen the Red Mask!” At the famed hero, he came close and whispered.

“The Red Mask? …You know about him?” Antonio tried to contain large amount of surprise.

“Of course, we do! We’ve been hearing all the news ever since they started with a sword fighting contest in Salamanca! The Spanish sailors and merchants that visited Nonno would sit me and Lovino down and tell us the stories. We still love those tales dearly!”

“You do?” Antonio directed it with a smirk to Lovino.

“Used to…”

“Don’t lie, Lovi. Just last night you told me one of them.”

Lovino cringed and tried to sustain himself from shutting Feliciano with a hurting grasp of his ear.

Antonio chuckled, a heavenly ring to get Lovino smoothed. “No shame! I myself tell the stories to some of the kids in the church and I get as excited with them as if the first time I was seeing him.” Or as he wasn’t him.

“So you have!” Feliciano raised and Lovino had to grip to contain his own.

“Well, this is his city, everyone has taken a glimpse at all kinds of actions.”

“Like which one?” They begged wanting a tale, and Antonio could see that Lovino held that same openness of his ear. Antonio smirked and began one of his most recent adventures.

“-and thus the ladies were saved. The Red Mask prevented that cart from reaching and dealt with the culprits. I was waiting for the shipment actually and met with the Red Mask himself telling me what happened, along with one of his companions, Neblina, the Mist Mask.” And the two smiled, a story well told. Antonio felt successful.

“Does he really wear the Red Mask? All in red? Is it true that his eyes are as green as they say?”

“How about we wait?”

“For what?” Lovino questioned, showing disappointment for not being able to hear.

“For you yourselves to meet him.”

Feliciano glowed and clapped at such a coming chance.

“Will we…really?” The was the most excitement Antonio could get out of Lovino that moment.

“Like I said, this is his city, and from what I’ve heard, he’s working on a big rescue right now.” He grew serious, leaning more so to the views, looking, finding the dark palace nestled well, one Feliciano and Lovino could spot with his intense stare.

“Do you know what about?” Feliciano asked.

Lovino left his gaze on that palace, imagining it had something to do with it. To prove him so, Antonio pointed at the very place.

“Keron Montaje.”

Feliciano instantly gasped and whimpered, moving aside, shaking and tears quickly reaching his eyes. Lovino came to him, embraced, soothed and hummed words of comfort. Antonio hated that he could only but watch, only an extension of his hand ready to help in what the brothers needed.

“Are you all right?”

“I-I’m fine, I…I’m fine.” Yet Feliciano’s eyes were still reddened, leaning into his brother’s neck, wanting remain in that shield for now, not at all an assurance to Antonio.

“Sorry, we just…don’t like hearing that name,” Lovino spoke.

“I’m very sorry I mentioned it, I didn’t know…”

“It’s all right, we…don’t like talking about it.” He hoped those words were enough of a warning to not ask any questions.

“You…you know the Montaje?”

“Yes…in ways we would prefer not to.” Lovino held Feliciano tight, caressing on, continuing his hums. “…he’s here…isn’t he?”

Antonio sighed, looking once again to the palace, still hauntingly there. “Yes…I’m afraid.” Antonio held himself well from going on, Feliciano still in his state, not at all liking the glowing person he had recently met reduced to this.

“Let’s head back now. We need to relax.” The brothers nodded and Antonio followed behind them, his body covering whatever glimpse to the evil place.

Feliciano’s dinner that night was short, heading straight to bed afterwards, well, Lovino’s.

After that discovery, Lovino doubted whatever chance at getting Feliciano sleeping in his own room, but understood, and let it, caressing his hair, whispering words of love and mentioning as many times as he needed that he was there, as well as Nonno and even Antonio.

Two weeks had passed since the event, since they moved and since they found out. Antonio did well to not question despite how highly he wanted to. He continued his work as their guest, offering help in the household, in Feliciano’s teachings, bible readings, even words of advice in the business.

Three days and Lovino was back into papers, numbers, accords, being an apprentice to his grandfather and learning as much as he could of what would one day be his company. It was hard to concentrate when that single name repeated, raging, sometimes taking it out on papers with complains or numbers that drove him mad. There had to be something that could be done, he could get justice, revenge, finally act and save, but a look to the thrown letters, checks and bills on the ground reminded him that his mind shouldn’t go as wild, shouldn’t endanger, shouldn’t worsen.

“Lovino…these stories are just that, stories to excite your mind and keep your hopeful. We all need this sort of escapade from our dull, but they should remain as that. Let them do their job to protect, they know well the consequences and have prepared themselves for them, but you should focus on being safe. I’m sure it’s what the great Red Mask would want,” he heard his mother’s past voice in his head, he could almost feel her caress on his shoulders, taking his hair, kissing it, with another tale, another distraction, not these tragedies…not these papers.

He sighed, noticing the darkness the day had become, dropping everything and decreeing himself done. He was comfortable in his chair, leaning back, stretching, even giving himself space to breathe. He should probably get to bed then…Feliciano was probably waiting for him…or he could surprise and could have gone to his own room. He stood, decided on snatching some frosted cookies from the kitchen while everyone was surely asleep and he thought he had the house pretty much for himself. He took four, successful, no one to spot him, munching happily, sucking his fingers and aweing at the taste, but even that wasn’t enough to distract him from the guarded object.

It was kept in one of the reading rooms, centered along with all the shelves filled with books of history, art, science, poetry and of course their adventure and fantasy stories. Lovino entered the room, hypnotized by the elegance of the sword that was kept well in place. It was beautiful, crafted by what Lovino used to think were merfolks, using the aquamarine of their seas and smoothened soft stones from their shores, with golds, greens and looking like it could glide well in his hands as he swung and thrusted.

It belonged to his grandfather…from his days as a soldier back when he was Lovino’s own age. He had proved to be ferocious, powerful, earning a well named place in the ears of all Rome. Smiths had given him this as a gift for his time, shortly before he had retired and settled more on the business. He didn’t like talking about those days much, while all Lovino wanted was to hear about them, hard to not imagine himself be that very proud soldier, earning those medals and recognitions that he doubted he would stop talking about to all.

His arms were raised, his hands neared to the glass, to the key Augusto for some reason always left there, easily turning, opening and it was there for the air of the night, for Lovino’s touch.

It wasn’t the first time…the handle was familiar to him, the weight nothing, the length Lovino knew well to guide without hitting a single object. He took the stance he had heard and seen many times, taken for himself as well. He imagined an enemy, going at him with precision, fierce, every swung surely death for whoever was unlucky to be there that instant. It was amazing how quiet he could while doing all this, Antonio wondered by the door, loving how the moonlight shined on him, making it seem like he was an angelic entity of dreams.

“Incredible…” he found himself uttering, a break, a noticing. Lovino gasped, for a moment dropping the sword, luckily, he caught it with just as much grace, only letting the point fall at the carpet, grimacing and hoping it wouldn’t do anything to leave a noticeable mark. And from that serene glow of beauty, came deadly glares, frozen yet, fearing that any other movement could expose him more.

“What are you doing here?” Lovino said with just as much edge.

Antonio only moved forward, ignorant to his question, instead gazing to his final stand and then the enchanting sword that fitted well not only on his hands, but also on his entre persona.

“Straighten up!” Came a surprising militant voice, power enough to get Lovino to do as commanded, and to Antonio, it came out elegantly placed without a single breath lost.

Perfect, he kept repeating to himself as he rounded, making sure that it repeated in every part of his body…and it well did.

“Forward!”

And Lovino did so, sword well extended, posture immaculate, ready vengeance in his eyes to fight.

“Very well…” Antonio faced him again, with cocky ease that Lovino didn’t fail to notice. He was standing nonchalant, unafraid of the sword pointed well at him. Lovino had a rather hard temptation to continue the extend and win if a slight drop of blood. He hated that look on his face and wanted it gone with even show of violence if he had to.

“Now…” and from a hidden scabbard Lovino had never noticed until now, he raised his own sword, thin, small, rusted, not at all like the one of jewels and purest silver he himself held. Antonio was confident, spinning and letting it fly in the air before it faced him just as dangerously.

“…we fight,” he curtsied and welcomed.

“Are you serious?” With that ugly thing? Yet he dared hit it against his silver, a powerful strike that got Lovino completely lost on his standing and yet Antonio continued, Lovino turning rather messy as he focused on defending, many times practically falling, his knee hitting the ground more times than he should, eyes side glancing to make sure the furniture was still intact.

“Are you insane?” He shouted, in his try to halt finding his stance again, the hold of his sword with Antonio’s kept, doing well to not grant any more movements. Antonio was impressed at how Lovino could well force him in his place, while the other’s worried expression was more on the surroundings, looking over to the halls for any that could come.

“Nonno can wake up!” He growled.

“So what?”

“He can’t-he can’t…” he couldn’t tell him either.

“He can’t know your using his priced possessed military days sword?” Antonio dared smirk.

“Oh god! Just stop!” And there he was with deadly slashes, Antonio now taking the defense, but how he loved this fury, this fire, knowing, powerful and- oh wait! That was almost his head gone.

“You are amazing!”

“Shut up!” He only reigned more, Antonio’s stances and back leans the sole thing keeping him from landing on the ground. It was becoming straining, he stood again, grinding down Lovino’s sword with his own, the spark and force getting him to level back up so their swords could properly clash in battle, high, downward.

Yes, Lovino was skillful, admirable, promising for so much more…but like many he had weaknesses, clear ones that showed that he was indeed still learning. Antonio took advantage of it, using that breath, an instant new force on his strength, a powerful slash that had the sword flying from Lovino’s grasp. He himself felt to the ground to catch it, saving the room from the loud clang, heavily breathing, defeated, kneeling…yet with so much sun in his hazel eyes that Antonio though it a defeat unlike any he had seen.

“May I suggest breathing exercises to help keep them more controlled in battle, as well as trying new handle hand positions to make it easier at whatever change and outcome.” His smile was as an unchanging, with no trace of battle or exhaustion, while Lovino was sweating and finding it hard to even stand again.

Antonio offered a hand to help him up, and Lovino took it without complain, balancing well, yet needing rest, his hold on the sword trembling, but he would not switch to anything when he looked to Antonio, bearing obvious questions and…impression at how a mere cleric could best him in a sword fight. It was a wondered gaze that had Antonio fueling, smiling on and thinking himself surely an object of dreams for Lovino.

“It’s getting pretty late,” he put his own sword back in its hidden scabbard, “how about we both head to bed. We can make another match some other time.” He turned with a wave, his usual skip and direction…while Lovino was still debating with himself if this had all happened.

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#The Red Mask #spamano #Spamano fanfiction #spamano fanfic #spamano fic

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lagaudiiere · 4 years

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@russicnrat said: “Come on, for a minute, you had your old spark back.” / anya! (hmm maybe au??)

𝐄𝐕𝐄𝐑𝐘 𝐌𝐔𝐒𝐂𝐋𝐄 𝐒𝐄𝐄𝐌𝐒 𝐓𝐎 𝐒𝐓𝐈𝐋𝐋, 𝐁𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐓𝐇 𝐂𝐀𝐓𝐂𝐇𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐈𝐍 𝐇𝐄𝐑 𝐓𝐇𝐑𝐎𝐀𝐓. 𝐇𝐄𝐑 𝐎𝐋𝐃 𝐒𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐊 𝐁𝐀𝐂𝐊? The words are a slap in the face in a way she knows he doesn’t intend for them to be ( but that doesn’t stop it from hurting. ) He’s not wrong. With Dmitry she’s LOUD & alive & unabashedly herself. With Dmitry she feels everything more intensely — anger, happiness, LOVE ( & yes, sadness. ) He often sets off the spark. He has no idea, no idea about the decade she’d spent with her head down, near-invisible to the world. He has no idea how she had often felt like a ghost merely existing, floating & trying to find an anchor — home, love, & family. Somehow he had ignited her anger & her trust & her heart & everything else so effortlessly it had left her breathless ( it had hurt to breathe a little when she’d thought about it after he’d left. ) She had always been so careful ( hopeful yes, but careful too ) & he’d somehow brought it all crashing down. She had tried to move on, was traveling & trying to figure things out, figure herself out. She had tried not to feel hurt because really he had never said he was staying, had never really said he cared ( he never said goodbye either. ) When she had found out that he had been the boy, the one who’d opened the wall it had simultaneously been a fresh wound & a picking at something that was still bleeding.

𝐒𝐇𝐄 𝐇𝐀𝐃 𝐓𝐑𝐈𝐄𝐃 𝐓𝐎 𝐒𝐀𝐘 𝐆𝐎𝐎𝐃𝐁𝐘𝐄 𝐓𝐎 𝐃𝐌𝐈𝐓𝐑𝐘, 𝐎𝐕𝐄𝐑 & 𝐎𝐕𝐄𝐑 𝐀𝐆𝐀𝐈𝐍 ; every time she saw a head of dark hair in the corner of her eye, every time someone moved nimbly through the streets, every time she felt like someone was watching her. She saw ghosts at night, but he somehow haunted her too during the day. And he hadn’t cared. And she had. And that was the story of Anya & Dmitry — conman & princess had gotten their wish yet somehow she’d lost just as much as she’d gained, perhaps more so. She hopes he’s at least happy. She really wants him to be happy! And then, after all this time of trying to say goodbye, he had to just show up! Out of nowhere! Calling her Nastya! As if nothing had passed but also none of what had happened between them had actually happened. It had angered her at first, but that anger was there to protect her heart from the HURT.

𝐀𝐍𝐃 𝐍𝐎𝐖 𝐇𝐄𝐑𝐄 𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐘 𝐖𝐄𝐑𝐄, 𝐀𝐍𝐀𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐒𝐈𝐀 𝐀𝐍𝐘𝐀 & 𝐃𝐌𝐈𝐓𝐑𝐘, 𝐅𝐈𝐍𝐃𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐄𝐀𝐂𝐇 𝐎𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐑 𝐎𝐍𝐂𝐄 𝐀𝐆𝐀𝐈𝐍. In another crowd, in another country, in another place, like they somehow always did. One thing had led to another & somehow they’d gotten tea, & somehow she’d gotten to see him a few more times ( she’s been wandering city to city but she had stayed here a little longer. Truly, she thinks she’d stayed because he’s here. She should leave before he does, she knows that. ) And every time he said something, did something, or just was who he was, she became who she had been ; she became herself, but more so ( the spark he was referring to, no doubt. ) She was happy. She doesn’t have many she cares for, but she cares for him. 𝐀𝐧𝐝 𝐡𝐞 𝐡𝐚𝐝 𝐧𝐨 𝐢𝐝𝐞𝐚. Again, it hurts. She takes in a shaky breath to brace herself for what she now knows she has to say next. She doesn’t want to, but she has to.

❛ 𝐅𝐚𝐭𝐞 𝐡𝐚𝐬 𝐚 𝐰𝐚𝐲 𝐨𝐟 𝐛𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐮𝐬 𝐭𝐨𝐠𝐞𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫. ❜ She gives him a half-smile & it hurts. ❛ I don’t know if it’s cruelty or kindness, but it’s the truth. ❜ She had believed it to be both. She still does. ❛ Dmitry, I know. I know what you did for me that night. At the palace. Nonna told me. You saved me. ❜ Again. Her voice wavers at that night. That fateful night when 𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐲𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐡𝐚𝐝 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐞𝐝. ❛ You saved me & you never even told me that you were the boy I remembered. ❜ She had believed the memory to be faulty, a boy opening a wall — as if walls could be opened! ❛ And then you returned me to my family. I can never thank you enough for any of that. It’s not enough, but should you ever need anything, all you need to do is send a letter to Paris. ❜ Not her. Paris. ❛ But you also left without saying goodbye. And that hurt, but I understood. ❜ Or she had tried to. She pauses, trying to gather her strength, for the hardest part was to come. ❛ I know fate has a way of bringing us together, but I can’t ... I have to ask — if you ever see me again, don’t … please don’t walk up to me. It was so nice to see you & I’m glad you’re doing well but I — ❜ I care too much? It hurts too much. She swallows all the words she can never say. ❛ — just don’t. Please, Dima. ❜ The name she’d so carefully kept off her tongue feels right to be spoken aloud now, one last time.

Anastasia Meme ( always accepting! )

#long post for ts #{ HAHAHHAA I'M FINE }#russicnrat #&. ᴀɴsᴡᴇʀᴇᴅ ( ᴀɴᴀsᴛᴀsɪᴀ ʀᴏᴍᴀɴᴏᴠᴀ. )#{ when you read this pls message me on discord bc I have so MUCH I want to say }#&. ʜᴀᴘᴘɪɴᴇss ᴄᴀɴ ʙᴇ ғᴏᴜɴᴅ ɪɴ ᴛʜᴇ ᴅᴀʀᴋᴇsᴛ ᴏғ ᴛɪᴍᴇs ɪғ ᴏɴʟʏ ᴏɴᴇ ʀᴇᴍᴇᴍʙᴇʀs ᴛᴏ ǫᴜᴇᴜᴇ ᴛʜᴇ ʟɪɢʜᴛ ( ǫᴜᴇᴜᴇ. )#( V; CONMAN AND PRINCESS GET THEIR WISH . )

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raybansandcoffee · 5 years

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“Los Angeles, When Will You Save Me?”: Prologue - Fix You (Coldplay)

Welcome to the sequel of “In the Heat of Los Angeles” if you haven’t read that you can find it here. Thank you to everyone who read that and followed along as I wrote about Everlee, Harry, and The Circus of friends and family they surround themselves with. The story screamed for a sequel, mainly because of its cliffhanger ending but also because Evie and Harry’s story wasn’t finished. So here goes nothing...

Here’s a little bit about where this story picks up.

Everlee Scarcello was on cloud nine. She found the love of her life, her success was at an all-time high, her friendships rock solid as they all moved on in their lives. Her life was picture perfect, nothing could possibly go wrong. Then life threw a curveball at Evie that she wasn’t prepared for. Her life changed in an instant. Maybe, picture perfect isn’t meant to be. Will her relationship with Harry survive? Will her friendships change? Will she crack under the pressure of her new life or come out stronger than ever? Will The City of Dreams take all of Evie’s? Los Angeles, when will you save me? Los Angeles, when will you save me? Los Angeles, when will you save me? Los Angeles, I’m never coming home. “Los Angeles” by Blink 182

I hope you enjoy “Los Angeles, When Will You Save Me?”

Okay, Everlee. Take a deep breath. Everything is going to be okay.

My eyes were darting around the room back and forth. My hands were shaking. My breathing erratic. I opened my mouth to speak and nothing happened.

Come on Evie snap out of it. I didn’t move. I barely blinked. I’d heard people say before that sometimes when you’re experiencing trauma that it feels like an out of body experience. I believed them when they told me but I also didn’t think it was literal or that I’d ever experience it. But here I was watching the commotion in the room as I stood there. Still and silent. No reaction to what was going on around me. No tears. No screaming. Nothing as they rolled my father past me and out the front door of the house. I moved my focus to the door where Sam was rushing in. He hurried to my side and turned me to face him.

“Everlee,” Sam said in his most calming voice. “They are going to transport Jimmy to Cedars Sinai. They said they can’t take you within the ambulance so I’m going to take you. We can call Rachel on the way so that she can come be with you.”

Perfect. We can call and she’ll come be with me. Sam looked at me waiting for an answer and looking like he didn’t get one. Fuck. He can’t hear me. This is just my goddamn inner-monologue and for once it’s only IN my head and not something I accidentally say out-loud.

“I will get some stuff together and head straight to the hospital after you. I will also call Jessica and I’ll call Mr. and Mrs. Scarcello,” Linda added. I was looking back and forth between the two of them, still unable to speak from the shock. I wanted to tell Linda that I appreciated her calling my grandparents but evidently, words were impossible for me right now. She caressed my face. Her hands felt like fire against my skin. “It’s going to be okay, Everlee. It’s going to be okay.” I didn’t even know what was going on, how did she know it was going to be okay? I glanced from Linda back to Sam, I still couldn’t speak or move.

Alright, Evie, you’ve had a million panic attacks before, it can’t be that much different than this. Take a deep breath, think happy thoughts and open your mouth. Deep breath. Happy thoughts.

Nothing.

Come on Evie. SPEAK! I was screaming at myself. Still nothing. I was standing there unable to move. Unable to have any sort of reaction to the situation I was experiencing. Sam started to move me through the house, out the front door, and down the driveway to the awaiting SUV. I was moving slowly, guided only by Sam. I stared down at my feet and watched them get tripped up on the cracks in the driveway. Cracks I’d known were in this driveway since I was six years old. This didn’t happen. I knew the cracks in the concrete the way I knew the way my father drank his scotch, that his favorite color was PMS 294C, the Pantone shade for the Chicago Cubs, and that his lucky number was 14 because it was Ernie Banks jersey number.

I turned around to look at the house. The police officers were now talking to Linda in the driveway and asking questions. Why aren’t they talking to me? I am Jimmy’s daughter. I am his next of kin. I am his family. Instead, they are talking to Linda. I mean, I get it, she’d been here when whatever happened, happened. But they should be talking to me too. Although one question I still had was, why wasn’t I talking? I was normally full of questions and here I stood next to Sam, silent. I watched as he opened the door and helped me into the front seat.

“Everlee, are you okay?” Sam asked. I glanced at him but said nothing. No words. I only managed a tiny nod.

I’m okay, Sam. Just in shock. What is going on? He can’t hear me. I am hoping that he knows I need answers despite not being able to verbalize the questions. I can handle this Sam. Just tell me what is going on. I watched as he grabbed my phone from my hand, I’d been holding it when I was in the car, reading through my emails on the way to dinner. I hadn’t dropped it since we arrived. Wait, how do you know my passcode to unlock my phone? I heard it ring, he’d put it on speakerphone.

“Hey Evie,” Rachel answered. “How was the trip?” She sounded happy, normally the sound of her voice made me smile but I was motionless and white. I caught my reflection in the side-view mirror. My skin had grown pale, I was cold and nauseous. I looked like I was the one dying, which I guess was appropriate. If anything happened to Pops it would be the closest thing to death for me, he was my everything in LA. Well, he always had been.

Evie, speak to your sister. Still nothing. I just stared out the window, not even bothering to respond to the feeling of Sam’s warm hand on mine where it sat on my lap.

“Hey, it’s me, Rach.”

“Sam is everything okay?” Rachel’s voice went from being chipper to worried in barely a breath.

“I picked Evie up at the airport. She had dinner with Jimmy tonight. We got to the house and….and…something’s wrong.”

“What happened?” Thank you for asking that Rachel because I need to know and clearly am in the strangest state of shock that ever existed.

“We aren’t sure. Linda went to tell him that Evie was on her way and found him passed out in his office. She called 911 and did CPR until they got there. They think it might have been a heart attack but they aren’t completely sure. The paramedics are taking him to Cedars.”

“Is she okay?” Rachel asked. Her voice now sounded like she had a lump in her throat and might cry. Jimmy was the closest thing she’d ever really had to a father, so I got it. She was probably as scared as I was.

“She’s not said a word since we pulled up to the house and saw the ambulance, firetruck and police officers. She bolted out of the car and ran to the house. But she’s silent. She barely even reacts to me talking to her.”

I’m responding, Sam. You just can’t hear me because evidently my vocal cords are fucking broken.

“I’ll meet you at the hospital. I’ll call Harry.” Harry. I hadn’t even thought about him until this moment.

“Thanks. We will see you in a little bit.”

“Call me if you hear anything before I get there or if she speaks.”

“I will. Bye Rach.”

“Bye Sam.” I felt Sam slip the phone back in my hands.

“Evie, can you hear me?” he asked. I nodded slightly, still staring out the window. “You’re gonna be okay. Jimmy is gonna be okay.”

You don’t know that. No one knows if Pops is gonna be okay. This not talking thing isn’t helping. I need to be able to say something. To scream or cry or anything. I felt my phone vibrate in my hand, I glanced down to see Harry calling. I slid my thumb across the screen and held it up to my ear. I opened my mouth to speak and nothing came out.

“Evie? Evie are you there?”

Yes. I could hear the panic in his voice.

“Evie? Are you okay?”

No. The urgency and fear in his voice increasing with every word.

“Everlee, goddammit. Bloody say something.” I’d normally giggle at his British slang and the way his accent came out thicker when he was tired, which he clearly was right now. My sister probably woke him up in the middle of the night. Sam reached across the car taking the phone from my hand.

“Hey Harry,” he said softly.

“What the fuck is going on?” Harry asked. “Why wasn’t she speaking?”

“Shock. We got to the house as the paramedics were taking Jimmy out on a gurney. She hasn’t said a word.”

“That’s unlike her.”

“I know. She’s normally full of shit and in a stressful situation there’s usually yelling, screaming, and a lot of swear words. But all she’s got in her is silence.”

“I’m trying to book a flight out of here.”

No! Stay! Finish the film. Don’t come home because of me. But, fuck, I need you right now.

“She’ll be pissed at you when you get here. Even without speaking I can tell you that.”

Thank you, Sam.

“I know she will be but I need to be there with her. Rachel said she was on her way to meet you at the hospital. I was going to call Grace.”

Mom. I hadn’t even thought to call Mom.

“That’s probably a good plan. She’s in no condition to call family. Linda was going to call her Nonna and Papa. I had to call Rachel. Fuck, I had to practically carry her to the car.”

“Well I’m working to get on a plane, but it seems like nothing will leave for several hours.” Sam looked over at me because I was staring at him.

Have him call the travel office. London has a jet that can get him here. I took the phone from his hand and pulled up the phone entry for the London Travel Team in my phone.

“I’m going to send you a number. SME has a fleet of private jets. There should be at least one or two in London and if there isn’t they can get one to you in short order.”

“How do you know this?” Harry questioned.

“Because despite the fact that your girlfriend is a fucking mute she just pulled the number up in the phone. So at least I know she’s paying attention now.”

“Evie, honey. I’m going to get to you as fast as I can.”

Hurry up, Harry. I need you.

“Call me when you know more.”

“I’ll get with you on any updates we get. We are pulling into the hospital right now,” Sam replied.

“Thanks for taking care of her, Sam.” Harry took a deep breath on the other end of the line. “Everlee Mae, I love you. I’m on my way to you.”

I love you too, Harry. Hurry.

Sam ended the call before pulling up to a parking spot outside of the main entrance to the hospital. He came over to help me get out of the car. Again, I was basically floating as he practically carried me into the hospital and up to the desk.

“How can I help you?” an older woman sitting behind the desk asked.

“The paramedics just brought in James Scarcello. Can you tell me where I can find him?”

“Are you family?” she asked.

“She is,” Sam replied. He dug into my purse and pulled out my driver’s license. “This is Everlee Scarcello. I’m her…” He hesitated. Depending on how he answered this it might determine if they let Sam stay with me. “I’m her step-brother.”

“Let me pull up and see if we have anything on Mr. Scarcello yet.” She clicked away on the keyboard of her computer for a few moments before looking up over her glasses with a sad face. “Mr. Scarcello was rushed up to surgery. If you go to the elevator over there and take it up to the 4th floor someone at the nurse’s desk up there will be able to help you.”

“Thank you. Our sister is on her way here too. We were both at home when the paramedics took him. Her name is Rachel. She’s short with brown hair, pretty pregnant.”

“I’ll send her up.” Her smile was kind. Sam turned and walked us to the elevator. The door opened and we walked in. Sam collapsed against the wall of the elevator hugging me to him.

My step-brother huh? Afraid to answer with boyfriend because you might vomit at the thought? Sam glanced down at his phone.

“Rachel just parked and is on her way up.” The doors opened on the 4th floor and we walked towards the nurse’s station. “Hi, my name is Sam. This is my step-sister Everlee. Her father, James Scarcello was just brought in and is in surgery.” Again clicking on keyboards before looking up at us with the sad eyes.

“Mr. Scarcello was just taken into surgery. I’ll let his team know that family is here and have them come out to provide updates as soon as they have any news for you. You can have a seat in the waiting room over there. I can get some fresh coffee made too.”

“Thank you,” Sam replied before walking me into the waiting room and sitting me down. He started to pace in front of me as he texted on his phone. Before I knew it Rachel was rushing into the waiting room. She came over to me, sitting beside me and engulfing me in a hug.

It’s okay to cry now, Evie. Still nothing. What the fuck is wrong with me? Why can’t I cry? I took a deep breath and rested my head on Rachel’s shoulder.

“I called Grace on my way here. She said to call her when we have any updates on Jimmy and she’ll come out here if you need her to.” I nodded. “She still hasn’t talked?”

“Nope,” Sam answered. “Harry called. He’s texting me. He’s working with the London office to try and get a private plane out of there in the next couple of hours so he can get here.”

“He texted me too. He’s terrified.”

“I am too. She’s never like this.” Well, at least they’d decided to just talk about me like I wasn’t here instead of pretending that I was and that I would answer to them.

“I called my Mom too. She always knows what to do in crisis situations. Did someone call Jimmy’s girlfriend?” Rachel asked.

“Linda said she was. I expect Linda here any minute. Not sure about Jessica.” Jessica had recently started staying at her place again. It was a bit closer to the hospital than Pops’ house so I was sure she’d get here soon. His girlfriend should be here for him, at least a normal girlfriend would want to be there for him. It was another 20 minutes before Linda came in. She’d packed up the dinner she’d cooked, grabbed some of Pops’ toiletries that he would need if he was in the hospital for more than a few hours, which was a given considering he was in surgery.

“I know you haven’t eaten, Everlee. I brought the dinner you were supposed to have with James tonight. You should eat something. There’s enough for everyone,” Linda said. Sam dove into the food without hesitation and Rachel grabbed herself some food as well. I grabbed a piece of bread and picked at it for a while. About a half hour after Linda had arrived Jessica walked in looking like she was dressed for a night out. She had on sky-high heels and a short dress. I couldn’t fault her, on a given day I might be dressed that way if I had stuff to do but if I knew someone was in the hospital I’d probably have dressed for comfort. I was definitely glad I had when I’d dressed for the trip home today. The leggings, oversized flannel shirt I’d stolen from Harry, a beat up old pair of Chucks, and glasses were coming in handy for longer than just the flight today.

“Where is he?” Jessica asked.

“Still in surgery,” Sam replied.

“The nurse said that they’d have the doctor come out and give an update when they could. She said it would probably be at least another hour before they could tell us anything,” Rachel added. She’d clearly asked more questions at the nurses’ station than Sam and I had.

“Well, what happened?” Jessica sat down in a chair opposite us in the waiting room and crossed her legs, her dress becoming even shorter. If I had my normal brain capacity and snark I’d roll my eyes and make some comment but I couldn’t. She stared at me waiting for me to reply and despite all of my effort, I still couldn’t manage to speak.

“He had a heart attack. They are trying to survey the damage, see what they need to do to repair things and then they’ll run tests to see if the heart muscle was affected.” Thank god for those few years that Rachel worked as a candy striper here and that period of college where she was pre-med and thought she wanted to become a pediatric surgeon. She could partially understand what they were saying.

“Why do you know all of this? Who are you?” she asked.

My fucking sister you dumb bitch. Okay, maybe it’s a good thing I’m not verbal right now.

“I’m Everlee’s sister, Rachel. You must be Jessica,” Rachel said standing up and walking towards Jessica to shake her hand.

“Nice to meet you. You’re not really her sister though. You’re her ex-step sister.”

She’s my family. You are not so shut the fuck up. Okay, maybe my inability to speak was a really good thing. I felt my phone vibrate in my hand signaling a new text message from Harry.

H: I love you. I’m on my way to you.

My brain couldn’t even function how to reply to him. All I could send back was a heart emoji. I hoped he would also contact Rachel knowing that I wasn’t able to communicate. Almost immediately I heard her phone ring. I looked over at where her phone was in her hand and saw a picture of her with Harry acting like idiots one night while we were all hanging out together.

“Hey,” she answered quietly. I stared down at my feet. The pair of white Chucks I was wearing were from college. I’d drawn on them when I was bored in class. Over the years things had gotten added. I looked down to see something new. “She’s still not really reacting to anything. She hasn’t spoken.” There was a pink heart with E+H inside of the heart in black. He’d gotten ahold of them while I was visiting and drawn on them. “No, she hasn’t cried. Not a single tear. She’s in shock.” He was really the sweetest person on the planet. I didn’t deserve him. “I told Grace to hold off until we knew more. If surgery goes well and Jimmy is okay then I can handle Evie on my own.” I didn’t deserve her either. She was defending our relationship to my father’s girlfriend, navigating everything that any medical professional shared with us and talking on the phone with my boyfriend because I was incapacitated. “I didn’t even think of calling them. They are all on vacation on the west coast, right?” I tried to listen closely. I could hear Harry’s voice carry through the phone a bit. He sounded exhausted and like he was in a car, he really was coming to me. “I’ll call them when we know anything. Call me when you’ve got a chance.”

I knew how long that flight would take. I’d made it more times than I cared to count over the last few months. I glanced down at my watch. It was 8:45 which meant he’d be here in the morning. Depending on the weather, stops which would be minimal if he was flying on the company jet, and how long it took to take off, land, and drive to me he’d be here anywhere between 9:00 and 12:00. I sighed. This was one of those times I wish that all of the sci-fi movies my Dad and brothers had forced me to watch growing up was real and that he could just teleport to me. If we owned the Millennium Falcon instead of a fleet of private jets he might be here in 12 parsecs, give or take a parsec or two. If he were here, or at least inside my head, he would’ve laughed at that. His big laugh. The loud one that he reserved for moments when he didn’t think anyone other than me or family was listening. Not the one he did in public, it was a special laugh. It gave me goosebumps every time I heard it because I loved it so much.

I leaned my head against the wall, slumping down in my chair a bit. I was tired. I’d spent most of the day on an airplane in an attempt to make it home by the 6:00 dinner time my father had set for me before I left for France. He never ate that early, I was pretty sure it was just an excuse to get me home at a reasonable hour because I was usually so fucking jet lagged the Monday after a trip that I’d end up skipping out on the day at the office and working from home. When I made an attempt to get home at a reasonable time, have a dinner that felt like a holiday meal, and way too much wine I’d pass out early and be at that office. He was calculated in the way he thought and it was something I was glad I’d inherited from him too. I had my ways of getting from him what I wanted.

“You okay?” I heard Sam whisper. I opened one eye to look at him. He was looking over me at Rachel. I closed my eye again and started to try and imagine things that made me happy. The Wrigley bleachers on a warm summer day. Boating with my friends on Lake Michigan. The house in Malibu. The ranch in Colorado. Christmas morning with my brothers. Lunch dates with Pops. Laying in bed with Harry talking about nothing and everything all at once.

“Yeah, I’m just worried about her. She’s never like this.”

She can hear you, ya know. Just because she can’t speak doesn’t mean she can’t hear. Assholes.

“I know. I’m a bit worried too. Was that Harry on the phone?” Sam asked.

“It was,” Rachel replied quietly. I could tell she was trying to avoid being heard by Jessica who was clicking away on her phone texting God knows who about God knows what while my father, her boyfriend, was laying in an operating room fighting for his life.

“He’s on his way?” She must’ve nodded her reply. “That’s good. I’m hopeful that him getting her will end this and she’ll be okay.”

“I’m sure it will. She relies on him more than I’ve ever seen her rely on anyone.”

“I know. It’s nice.”

Thanks, Sam. I’m glad you like him. While that may not seem like an important thing, it is. You’re the closest thing I have to an older brother so you approving of Harry means the world to me. I must’ve fallen asleep listening to them talk because when I opened my eyes the next time and glanced down at my watch it was after midnight.

“Mom just text me. She’s in the parking garage on her way up,” Rachel said. I nodded my reply.

“I figured she would’ve been here hours ago,” Sam said.

“She would’ve. She was in Vegas for work. She had to wrap up what she was doing, explain to her client why she was leaving and then drove back.”

“That’s incredible. None of my exes would’ve done that for me.”

“She loves Jimmy,” Rachel answered. “Always has. Always will. She also knows that Evie needs her.” I heard the elevator ding and looked up to see the doors open. Despite having just spent at least four hours in a car, maybe three and a half the way Cynthia drove, she looked radiant, like always. Dark skinny jeans, a black blouse, and a black leather jacket. Her dark hair still perfectly hung in loose curls down past her shoulders. I glanced down to see she had on a pair of slip-on black leather shoes. I had a pair exactly like them, in fact, they’d been a birthday present from her this year. Pops always made fun of us for them. Rachel and the twins also had them. There were still often times where without even thinking about it Cynthia purchased something for “all four of her girls”, it irritated ex-wives #3 and #4 to no end.

“Hi, Mom.” Rachel stood to greet her mother with a hug. I stood up knowing I’d need to hug Cynthia.

“Oh honey,” she said when she took one look in my eyes. She wrapped her arms around me hugging me. Her scent comforted me. She still wore the same perfume that Pops got her for sweet gifts when they were together. It was one of those scents where you knew you were immediately okay, no matter what was going on. “My sweet Evie. You’ve gotta be a mess. It’s okay. I’m here now.”

“She’s finally crying.” I heard Rachel say in hushed tones to Sam. Was I crying? I reached my hand to my cheeks and there they were. Tears.

It’s about fucking time, Evie. Now speak. Still nothing. Well, it was worth a shot. The tears are a good start.

“Where’s that man of hers?” Cynthia asked as she sat down on a couch in the waiting room, next to where we’d been standing. She pulled me down next to her, wrapped her arm protectively around my shoulder and pulled me into her so I could continue to cry on her shoulder.

“He should be somewhere in the air at this point. He flew out at about 9:00 our time. He said it was like a 13-hour flight or something crazy. He thinks he’ll be here by 11:00 at the latest.” Rachel was so much like Cynthia in a crisis. They both immediately knew what to do and how to make sure that everything was handled.

“That’s good. What about Grace and Marco?”

“I told them to hold off until we knew more. I went to talk to the nurses a little bit ago, they said the doctors should hopefully have some news for us soon.”

“You tell them you were his kid?” Cynthia asked.

“I did. And if anyone asks Sam is our brother.”

“Well, Sam I’ve always wanted a son.” Cynthia’s laugh filled the quiet waiting room.

“And who are you?” There it was. Jessica’s high pitched voice, like nails on a chalkboard. I looked over at her as Cynthia’s head snapped in her direction.

“I’m Cynthia, Rachel’s mother and Jimmy’s second wife. Who are you?” She knew damn well who Jessica was. But there was this thing about Cynthia, she played everything so cool that you wouldn’t know.

“I’m Jessica, his girlfriend.”

“Nice to meet you,” Cynthia replied. “I’ve heard so much about you.” I saw a doctor walk up to the nurses’ station and the nurse point towards us. He walked over slowly.

“Are you the family of James Scarcello?” he asked.

“Yes,” Cynthia said. “I’m Cynthia, these are our daughters Everlee and Rachel.” She ignored Sam despite knowing she was supposed to play along that he was family. Linda was practically family and then there was Jessica, but there was no use explaining her, she hadn’t even stood up with the rest of us.

“I’m Dr. Hoffman. I was Mr. Scarcello’s surgeon. He had a heart attack, we were able to go in and perform bypass surgery…” After the words ‘bypass surgery’ everything he was saying started to sound like a foreign language. I just stared at his mouth hoping that something that came out was in a language I understood, you’d think speaking English, Italian and French fluently with being mostly conversational in Spanish would’ve been an advantage here. It wasn’t. I still understood nothing. It was like the teacher in Charlie Brown, ‘Wah wah wah wah wah wah.’ Internally I was laughing but I still couldn’t externally. “Mr. Scarcello has been moved into a room in our Intensive Care Unit which is where he will stay until we start to lower the sedation. We wanted to keep him sedated while we’ve run a few more tests on him. We hope that we can do that sometime in the next 24-72 hours.”

“Can we see him?” Rachel asked.

“You can. He can only have two visitors at a time,” Dr. Hoffman replied. “Mrs. Scarcello, if you and one of your daughters would like to see him you can go in. He’s in room 409 at the end of the hall.”

“Thank you,” Cynthia replied. “Evie, do you want me to go in with you to see him?” I nodded.

“Excuse me,” Jessica said quietly for fear that the doctor was still within earshot. “I don’t think you should be going in there before me. You’re the ex, I’m the current. You can wait in the lobby.”

You shouldn’t even be here.

“Are you okay with that, Evie?” Cynthia asked. I just shrugged. “Ya know kid, you’d be more helpful if you could talk. But right now, if you’re the girl I know, the thoughts in your head about her are better left unsaid.” She was whispering my ear so only I could hear. “I’ll be right outside the room if you need me, Evie. Okay?” I nodded. She kept her arm around me as we walked down the hall to his room. I walked in first with Jessica on my heels.

There he was.

The strongest man I knew. My hero. My world. My universe. Laying motionless attached to a machine that was helping him breathe and so many other machines that made beeping noises. I was overstimulated by all of it. I went to sit beside him and grabbed his hand lacing his fingers through mine.

Come on Pops. I need you to be okay. I can’t be without you. You have to be okay.

“Oh my god.” I looked over at Jessica where she stood at the foot of his bed. Her face had gone ghost white, her mouth remaining open. She was shocked at the sight of my father. It was to be expected. Her boyfriend had just had a heart attack. “He’s going to need constant care. I can’t do this. I’m too young for this. I want to have kids. He can’t have kids after this. I…I…I just can’t.” She looked over at me, tears filling her eyes. “I’m sorry, Everlee. I just…I can’t. Tell him I’m sorry.” With that, she turned on those expensive heels and bolted out of the room. I stood up and followed her out.

“Where are you going?” Rachel asked.

“I…I just can’t.” Jessica ran like a deer walking for the first time in her heels towards the elevator. She frantically pushed the buttons to try and get the elevator to move faster.

“Can’t what?” Cynthia asked.

“Deal with that,” Jessica said pointing at the doorway of the room where I was still standing. “I just can’t.”

Fucking talk, Evie! NOW! Don’t stay silent. This bitch is leaving your father in his time of need. OPEN YOUR FUCKING MOUTH.

“You don’t deserve the honor of dealing with that,” Cynthia replied calmly. I was impressed by how even she remained. “You don’t deserve that man. He deserves someone who will love him for better or worse. You wouldn’t be able to deal with someone through a hangover, let alone the uphill battle that man has ahead of him. Get out of here. Get your shit out of his house. Don’t ever show your face around him again. If you do, you’ll have me to deal with. Got it?” Cynthia was now standing in Jessica’s face and despite the heels making Jessica taller you could see her visibly cower under Cynthia’s power. All Jessica could muster up was a small nod before the elevator granted her wish and the doors opened. She hurried in and I watched her push the ‘door close’ button like her life depended on it.

“What the fuck was that?” Rachel asked me. I pointed into the room and nodded for her to go in with Cynthia. I moved to the wall next to the door in the hallway and slid down it to sit on the floor. The tears started to slide easily down my cheeks again. Sam came and sat beside me as Cynthia and Rachel walked into the room.

“It’s gonna be okay, Ev. The best doctors in the world are working on Jimmy. They are going to take care of him and he’s going to be okay. And I’m not leaving your side.” I put my head on his shoulder as I started to cry harder. He wrapped his arm around me. I sat there for what felt like forever while Cynthia sat inside with Pops. Rachel came out after a while so that Linda had a chance to see him before she left. She needed to get home and get rest. I felt terrible that she was still here.

“Evie, do you need anything from the house? Luke was going to stop to check on Harold in the morning before coming here. He said he’d grab anything from the house that you or Harry might need.”

I want my cat. Think they will let him hang out in the ICU.

“Fuck. This not talking thing isn’t going to be helpful. I’ll have him grab you some clothes. I’ll send him specs for what to grab. Although once Harry is home maybe you should go home and rest a bit.” I glared at her. “Or stay here with Pops.”

I am NOT leaving his side. Not until he tells me himself to get my ass out of his hospital room.

“Do we know who is going to pick Harry up at the airport?” Sam asked.

“I hadn’t even thought that far,” Rachel answered. “I can send Luke to do it. He isn’t going into the office tomorrow. He can be my errand boy.”

“You should go home and get some sleep. I can stay with her. Plus you know your Mom isn’t leaving that room until Jimmy does. Doctors be damned.”

“She’ll get out if it means letting someone in with Evie, but you’re right. By morning she’ll probably have them convinced that three of us can be in there.”

“Probably.” I laughed. It must’ve been audibly because Sam and Rachel both just looked at me like I was crazy.

“We got a laugh. Come on, Evie. Can we get some words?”

I wish. All I could manage was a shrug.

“It’s okay, you’ll get there. You’re still in shock. Once we know that Jimmy is out of the woods completely you’re gonna be okay.”

I hope so.

“I’m going to head home now,” Linda said as she walked out of the room. I stood up and hugged her. “I’ll bring up some food for everyone tomorrow. Take care of yourself, Evie. Get some rest, okay?” I nodded. Sam and Rachel started to talk to her as I walked back into the room. I saw Cynthia sitting in the chair I’d been in, her hand in my father’s where mine had been. As she heard me walk in the room she reached her other hand up to wipe tears away from her eyes.

He still loves you too, Cyn. Always has. Always will. When he wakes up, you should tell him you still love him and that he’s the reason your last marriage didn’t work out. I know that it was him, even if you don’t admit it. He’s a terrible liar. You two slept together after my college graduation party. You haven’t even attempted a serious relationship since then and he’s just been going from young struggling actress to young struggling model to young struggling actress. He loves you. He’s just scared that it won’t work this time. It will. Just tell him.

“How you holding up, Evie?” I smiled my response. “Honey, it makes me so sad that you can’t figure out how to talk. It’s so unlike you. Usually, you have a hard time shutting up.” I flipped her off. “There’s my girl. Can you try and talk for me?” I opened my mouth, nothing. I shook my head. “You’ll get there. We are all here for you and your man should be here in soon.”

I glanced down at my watch it was almost 2:30 now. After the fiasco of everything with Jessica and seeing my father more time had passed than I realized. I moved my chair closer to my father’s bed and rested my head on his bicep. I used to fall asleep on him as a kid. He always let me stay up later than Mom and Dad did. When I was in LA we’d stay up late watching movies in the theater at his house. We’d play video games into the wee hours. More times than not I’d fall asleep with my head on his arm and he’d have to carry me to bed. When I’d spend summers with him in college I’d come home from going out with friends and fall asleep on him as he caught up with the news he’d missed during the day at work. Even at 21, he’d still do his best to carry me to bed when he needed to.

I woke up a few hours later to see Cynthia still on the other side of Pops’ bed, still holding his hand and whispering to him. I smiled at her as she looked over at me. I stood up from the chair and started to move towards the window. I looked outside to see the sun shining over the city. I saw that at some point Cynthia had taken my cell phone from my hand and plugged in by the window. I unlocked the phone and saw all of the text notifications.

H: It won’t be much longer, my love. Hang in there. I’ll be with you before you know it.

Mom: Everlee, are you okay? I’ve called a few times and you aren’t answering. I talked to Rachel and she said that you’re not speaking. Do you need me to come? Rachel said to hold off until we know more. Evie, please call me.

Dad: Bambina, it’s gonna be okay. If you need us Mom and I are on a plane and headed your way immediately. Jimmy is a fighter. He’s going to be okay and so are you. Though I must admit, I wish this silence thing had happened during your teen years. ;)

Kammi: Holy shit. My Dad just told me what happened to Jimmy? Are you okay? Is he okay? Do you need me to come home? Is Harry home with you? Your Mom? Rachel? Are you alone?

Okay, I talked to Rachel, she said you aren’t speaking but she’s with you and Harry is on his way. Call me or have Rachel call me when you know more. I love you, Ev. It’s going to be okay.

Ty: I’m on my way armed with a change of clothes and some dry shampoo. It’s all going to be okay, Ev. It’s all going to be okay.

Nick: Our prayers are with you, Everlee. It’s gonna be okay. Let us know if you need us to come home and be with you. You may not get a choice honestly. Kammi is packing our bags right now. Love ya, Ev.

Joe: You know that Jimmy is one of the strongest people on Earth. He’s going to be okay. You’re going to be okay. You say the word and I’m there with you. Best friends in need trump vacations. Love you, Ev.

Kayci: Rachel just called. Ev, I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Jimmy is probably the strongest man I know. He’s going to be okay. He has to be. Everything is going to be okay. Promise. I’ll be there soon.

Kourtney: Rachel called. I’m so sorry, Ev. I’m picking up Kayci and we are on our way to you. We will be there as soon as we can.

Gemma: Harry called in a panic and said that your Pops had a heart attack. Know that if you need anything I’ll get on a plane and come to LA. I’ve got my fingers crossed that everything turns out okay. Keep me updated. Love ya.

Cameron: Everlee, everything will be okay. Kammi is almost completely packed. She and I are flying out today. I think Nick is coming with. We should be in LA before dinner. I know you’re gonna need to sleep so I can sit watch for you for a while. Jimmy is the toughest person I know. He’s going to be okay.

Anne: Oh honey. I’m sorry to hear about your father. Sending lots of love.

Victoria: Oh my dear, Everlee. I’m sending lots of love and prayers to you and James. I’m also sending a batch of your favorite cookies with Cameron and Kammi when they leave for LA. It’s going to be okay.

Jonny: Sis. I’m so sorry. It’s going to be okay. I love you. Mace and Toph said when you’re up to it we can FaceTime. We all miss you and hope that Jimmy is doing better.

The rest of the texts were cousins, aunts, uncles, a handful of staff, and a few more friends that heard through Rachel or Kammi likely. I didn’t have the energy to reply to everyone. I walked back over to the side of the bed I’d occupied overnight. I bent down to kiss my father’s forehead.

I love you, Pops. I still couldn’t manage to speak. Though the level of shock was starting to come down I was still terrified that something would happen and my father would never wake up. That he would never be the same again. I wondered if anyone had provided an update on Pops while I slept but of course I had no way to ask if that had happened. I needed to stretch my legs so I walked out of the hospital room and turned toward the waiting room. There sat Rachel, Sam, and the twins all facing me. I watched as Ty turned his head as Rachel gestured towards me walking towards them. There they were, my people. Sitting and waiting despite knowing that they couldn’t do anything.

As I walked over to them Kayci and Kourtney stood up, wrapped their arms around me and held me in the longest hug I think either of them has ever given me. We’d struggled as kids to get along. I’d never had sisters and they didn’t like that they magically had this wonderful father figure in their life but he wasn’t theirs, he was mine. They’d gotten over that as they’d grown up and we were able to build a relationship as adults. It was still nothing like my relationship with Rachel but it was close enough that they were sitting in a waiting room at a hospital for my Pops and me.

“Ev, I am so sorry,” Kayci whispered in my ear. I hated how tall she was with her gorgeous long brown hair. She looked like a model because she was one. She also had the voice of an angel. I’d been proud to help her through the process of finding people to write and record with over the last few years. She’d grown up into a very sweet person but as she was almost perfection in human form you secretly wished you could hate her. “I wish there was something I could do to make things easier on you.”

Just being here is something. Thank you.

“How are you holding up? Oh duh, you’re still not talking, are you? Well, don’t worry, we are all here now,” Kourtney said. Much like Kayci, as she’d grown up Kourtney had become a much kinder person. They’d grown out of their pre-teen and teen angst and anger towards me into being two pretty great people to be around. Being slightly shorter than her fraternal twin sister but still blessed with her mother’s stunning looks, Kourtney had turned to acting. Pops had put her in a few commercials when she was still little and it had grown from there. Both of the girls were still trying to go to school while pursuing their dreams. I was proud of them both.

As soon as they let go of me Ty engulfed me into one of his overly tight, super soothing bear hugs. I started to cry again. Ty was the only one of my friends who even had a fraction of understanding of what this felt like. The car accident that took his parents hadn’t been instant for his mother. Even though he was only four he told me that he remembers every moment of her being in the hospital. How he watched as she lay in a coma for a few days before her body finally gave up. He admitted to me once that he still occasionally had nightmares of when she was in the hospital. He’d gone through a lot of therapy to try and get to the point that the loss of his parents didn’t haunt every day of his life.

“I love you. It’s going to be okay and I’m not leaving your side.”

Thank you. I wished I could tell him how I felt but I just couldn’t.

“It’s okay. It’ll get easier. I guess Grandma said that when Mom finally died I went weeks without speaking more than a few words. I was four so they just thought her death had caused some regression and once I started therapy I got better. You’re gonna be okay. Promise. You’ll be full of smartassed remarks again before we know it.

“Harry called a couple hours ago. Luke is on his way to get him from LAX,” Rachel said as I sat down between she and Ty and rested my head on her shoulder. “They should be here before too long.” I nodded without my head leaving its spot. “Girls, you can take turns going in to see Mom and Jimmy. They still are only allowing two visitors in at a time.”

“I’ll go first,” Kayci said. She was always the braver of the two. I watched her turn and confidently walk towards the door to the room. For a moment she hesitated at the door. I watched as she took a deep breath in, held it for a few seconds and walked in. As hard as it was for me, it was also hard on Rachel, Kayci, and Kourtney. My father was the closest any of them had come to having a decent version of one in their lives.

“Did you sleep?” Rachel asked quietly. Again I could only come up with a nod. “There’s some food that Linda dropped off this morning. She headed back to the house to clean up. She said the paramedics left a mess.”

Of course, Linda was at home cleaning. She told me once that it wasn’t just a job for her, being my father’s housekeeper. But that it was how she channeled her energy, negative and positive alike. When I was a kid she worked part-time for my father while her kids were in school and her husband worked. I was in junior high when her husband and two sons died in a car accident. We did everything we could to help Linda. Pops gave her time off, told her to take as much as she needed to adjust to her life without her husband and two of her three children. Instead, it was just a few short weeks and she was back at work. More often than before she’d bring her daughter with her. Now that her daughter was off in college, something my father was paying for, she spent more and more time working. She said it helped her to forget everything. That if she could make the glass sparkle it just might make a little of the sparkle in her life return.

It wasn’t long before Kayci came out of the room and Kourtney took her turn. Kayci’s signature smile was a little dimmer than normal. We were all dealing with mortality in the form of watching the strongest man we knew lay weak in a hospital bed attached to machines. It wasn’t easy to see. The color was gone from his skin. Watching the rise and fall of his chest knowing he was alive but not seeing the life in him that we were accustomed to. I’d rarely seen my father have even a cold and now I was watching him fight for his life. Or I guess at least I hoped he was fighting. I felt my phone vibrate in my hands and looked down.

Kammi: We are on our way. Flight is about to take off. We are all headed home to you. See you in a few hours.

I held down on the text and selected the “love” option on my iPhone. I had no energy to write a reply. I couldn’t even put the words together to do it. I was exhausted; physically, emotionally, spiritually, whatever other way a person could be exhausted that was me. Once Kourtney came out it was Ty’s turn to go back and see Pops. I wish I’d told him that he didn’t have to if it would bring up too many memories. Ty had been in with Pops for a few minutes when I heard the elevator ding. It had made the same sound 100s of times since I arrived last night. But instead of ignoring it as I had done on most of the time I looked up. Through the door looking utterly exhausted but still incredible was Harry. I stood from the chair and ran towards him. He dropped the bag he had in his hands and wrapped his arms around me tightly.

“I have missed you so much,” he said.

I’ve missed you too. I felt the tears start to slide down my face again as he bent down to kiss me. I felt safer now that he was here. Like all of the texts telling me that Pops was going to be okay were all going to be right because Harry was here now. I knew that his physical presence wouldn’t magically cure my father but I felt safe. He was my home.

“Harry, I’m going to have my Mom and Ty come out so you and Evie can go in to see Jimmy,” Rachel said. I watched as she peeked inside the door to speak to her mother and Ty. It was almost immediately that Ty came out of the room. He embraced me in another hug, this one tighter than before.

“I’m so sorry, Evie. I know it looks bad but he’s gonna be okay,” Ty whispered.

“You must be Harry,” Cynthia said. “It’s nice to finally meet you.”

“Likewise. Thank you for being here and helping take care of Evie while I was gone.”

“I wouldn’t have done anything differently. Give me just a second.” I watched her walk to the nurses’ station. “Can I ask a favor?” The nurse nodded. “I know that the limit for Jimmy’s room is two people at a time. My daughter’s boyfriend just got here. Since she’s still in shock and not able to speak can I be in there with them so I can explain everything to her boyfriend.” The nurse looked over at where Harry and I stood with sympathetic eyes.

“Just this once,” she replied.

“Thank you.” Cynthia walked back over. “Come on kids.” Harry reached down for my hand as we walked into the room. The machines were still beeping as I watched my father’s chest raise and lower.

“So do we have any updates?” Harry asked.

“Yes, when Evie was asleep this morning they lowered his sedation. They said it should be anytime now that he wakes up. They wanted to try and wake him up and see if he was okay.” That was news I hadn’t heard before but made the tightness in my chest loosen some.

“That’s good news.”

“It is,” Cynthia said as she laced her fingers through my father’s again. “I’m positive he’s going to be okay. He has to be. I have so much to tell him. He has to be okay.” I was sitting in Harry’s lap as he held me. My head was rested on his shoulder and my eyes were locked on Pops. I listened as Cynthia recounted every last bit of information the doctors had provided us sing we arrived last night. I didn’t retain much of what she said because I was too focused on the sound of Harry’s heartbeat. It sounded like what I hoped was a healthy and steady heart.

The inside joke has always been that the Scarcellos would die at their desk. Pops and I both focused more on work than either of us needed to. It was our happy place. It was a place that in the chaos of the world we could find order and a method to the madness. We were able to solve any problem, fix anything, and have the right answer to everything. We had a tangible list of things that we could check off. It was also the bond that kept us together. Had it not been for my interest in SME and my desire to grow up to be just like my Pops he would’ve lost me somewhere around 14.

Life after his marriage to Cynthia was hard on me. I didn’t have a steady or healthy female role model in Los Angeles. I got left with nannies and forced into sleepovers so that he could go live his bachelor life. It was hard. More than one time I’d get left at a slumber party at whoever he was dating’s house with her kids and their nanny. More than once I faked sick, lied to the nanny and told them I was calling my Mom and I’d call Cynthia for her to come pick me up. As I grew old enough to realize that he wasn’t forced to move to LA but chose it I started to harbor resentment towards him despite still idolizing him. I’d learned what a Dad should be like when Mom married Marco. And while I never compared them it was hard to know that the things my friend’s got to do with their Dads that mine was always MIA and I was lucky that Marco wanted to be that kind of step-father.

Then I started working with Pops. Everything changed. He gained an appreciation for my brain. Not just the little girl spinning in desk chairs and throwing out random ideas. But someone who knew what she was doing. Each summer I spent with him we grew closer together. Then when I moved here after college it was as if I finally had the relationship with my father I’d always dreamed of. I saw him every day. He told me he loved me every day. We had dinner at least one night a week. We’d travel together on business trips. Our careers built the relationship we’d both always wanted. It wasn’t just about work either. It was getting the chance to have the father/daughter relationship we’d both always dreamed of but had struggled to accomplish because of distance.

We were finally at a good place. What if we lost it all now? What if I lost him? What if my hero was gone? Would I know how to function without him? Will I end up just like him? Someday someone will find me dead at my desk, pen still in hand from signing a contract? I was scared for my father and scared for myself all at once. I felt the tears start to stream down my face again.

“She still hasn’t said a word?” Harry asked.

“Not a single one. It breaks my heart. She is finally expressing some emotion. She laughed last night once. She’s done her fair share of crying. She cried when I got here last night. She cried in here last night a little and Rachel said that she cried when the twins and Ty showed up. Then again when you got here. So I think she’s getting closer.”

“I hope so. I don’t know how to help her if she can’t tell me what she needs.”

You are all I need. Here in your arms, that’s all I need.

“She just needs you. This is the calmest she’s seemed since I got here last night. There was a moment last night I was glad she was still in shock and not speaking,” Cynthia said laughing a little.

“What happened?”

“Well, the doctors all assumed that I was Jimmy’s wife because Rachel had called Evie her sister and Jimmy her Dad. She used to volunteer at the hospital and knew that until Jimmy was awake or Evie could talk she couldn’t provide an approved list of guests. Saying she was family meant they would let her in. When he was able to have visitors after surgery the doctor’s said ‘Mrs. Scarcello, you and one of your daughters can go in to see your husband.’ Well as they walked away Jimmy’s latest got a little bent out of shape about me getting to see him first. I didn’t want Evie to go in alone and Jessica didn’t seem like the most supportive person for Evie. I relented. They came in together. Not even a minute later Jessica came out mumbling that she couldn’t do it.”

Babe, she let Jessica have it. It was amazing. I wish I’d had the courage to speak up and tell her how I felt.

“Needless to say Jimmy won’t be dealing with her anymore.”

“Damn,” Harry replied laughing quietly. “It is probably a good thing that Evie lost her ability to speak. That wouldn’t have been pretty. She and Jessica weren’t exactly friendly.”

“Oh, I know. Jimmy called me after that first weekend in Malibu. He wanted to know how Evie and I got to be friends. It did take a while, she was untrusting of anyone who came into Jimmy’s life. She thought they were trying to replace Grace.”

“Gracie is amazing,” Harry said.

“She is. The way that she and Jimmy stayed friends was something I was so happy about and also envied. My girls’ father and I couldn’t do that.”

“I’ve never heard Rachel talk about her father.”

“She hasn’t seen him since she was probably 13 and that was for a dinner and it was the first one he’d had since she was 11. He tried calling again when she was 16 and I told her she could say no. He and I had a nasty split, he walked out when the girls were all very little. He ended up in some legal trouble shortly after I left and fled the country. I know it sounds completely fictional but my ex was a piece of work. The girls are lucky that Jimmy was such a good man. He was their father. He did what he could to be a positive male influence on their lives, even after we split. He was just always so busy. They’d see him for birthdays, graduations, whatever he could make it to, but whenever he was in a relationship he inevitably had someone who didn’t like that he still filled in as the Dad for father/daughter dances for his ex-wife’s three daughters. When Rachel got married last year she wanted to ask Jimmy to walk her down the aisle. He even once offered to me that he would when we’d met up for dinner and he’d had a little too much wine. In the end, I asked Rachel to ask my father who was so ecstatic to walk her down the aisle.”

“If Jimmy was willing to why didn’t you let him?”

“I felt that Evie should get to have that with her father first.”

I would’ve loved for him to walk Rachel down the aisle. I’d even let him walk Kayci or Kourtney down the aisle. He was more of a father to them than anyone else ever had been.

Harry and Cynthia sat talking for what felt like hours while I drifted in and out of sleep. I liked that he was getting the chance to know her, I just wish it was under different circumstances. They should be having this conversation over a nice table with delicious food and a lot of wine. Not over my father who was lying in a hospital bed, still not awake.

Eventually, Harry made me leave the room with him so we could get food. I picked at the fries and shake that he’d had Sam get when he went to get all of us food. Harry had ordered me a sandwich too but I was refusing to eat it. We all switched out shifts for the remainder of the afternoon and evening. As 8:00 came we all opted that it was time for people to go home. Rachel needed to sleep in a real bed and not on hospital waiting room chairs. Her back was bothering her and we needed her to keep that baby happy. The twins tried to convince their mother that they were staying but she wasn’t having it. She told them she wanted them to at least go home and sleep for a little while. Ty refused to leave and no one fought him on that. Sam promised to stop and check on Harold and Linda let us know she’d go check on all of the animals at my father’s house.

We rotated who sat in the hospital room with Cynthia. We knew we couldn’t pull off getting all four of us in the room and as much as I wanted to be with my father I also wanted to feel safe with Harry. So we’d alternate every hour who got to go sit with Cynthia. I started, then Ty, then me again, then Harry. Ty kept telling me I needed to sleep and to just stay in the waiting room with Harry to sleep. Finally around 2:00 AM I relented. I was exhausted I wanted to sleep for more than an hour at a time.

“Evie, wake up,” Ty said as he gently shook me. “Come with me.” I followed him back to my father’s room. I walked in to see my father sitting up and talking to Cynthia. The sun was rising over Los Angeles out the window in his room bathing the room, and my father, in the most beautiful light.

“Hey there, Evie,” Pops said. I rushed to his side as the tears ran down my cheeks.

“Hey there, Pops. We missed ya.”

First of all, thank you.

Thank you for sticking with me through the extended absence while I wrote “In the Heat of Los Angles” it took a lot longer than any of us anticipated.

Thank you for allowing me the time to process this first part of “Los Angeles, When Will You Save Me?” I experienced a lot of turmoil this year with my Mom’s health, my own health, and standing on the edge of a cliff where waiting for me at the bottom was a nervous breakdown. Writing this has been therapeutic. My Mom is doing better. I am doing better. Everything is getting better every day.

Thank you for loving these characters the way I’ve loved them. For encouraging me to write them. For feeling about them the way I do. Even if only one person is reading this other than me I think it’s worth it. I love writing. I love where it can take my mind. I need this weekend. I sat down yesterday and cranked out the entire second half of this.

I truly hope you enjoyed this. I can’t wait to hear what you think of it. As this is the first part of the sequel feedback will be incredibly important so that I can get a feel to what everyone is thinking and the direction it should go. I have a lot planned out but as we all know, I change my mind sometimes, haha.

Thank you.

xx. AM

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bellaciaobitch · 6 years

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ESCAPAR

Summary: AU | Raquel decides to stay with Sergio instead of visiting Angel in the hospital, afraid she will get arrested in the process. So she ends up escaping with the gang and has to learn how to live as a fugitive. [AO3] [spirit]

Chapter 8 - Nonna

They spent other fifteen days in Switzerland until Sergio finished all the business and made sure they were completely safe out of the country. Raquel wanted to go early, bargained as much as she could, even suggested they’d go with her annoying bodyguard stuck with them, but in the end, she was left with count the days in front of the TV in the living room, watching as the world would continue to spin.

Madrid remained in the same chaos. Protests exploded everywhere, and although the people with Dalí masks in the streets hailed the bravery and audacity of the thieves as superheroes, they only seemed to instigate the police even more, who were constantly making search operations as a witch hunt. Raquel heard her name repeatedly in the mouths of several reporters, some defending her and others doubting her innocence as the last hostage of the heist. Sergio’s face appeared several times as well, and Raquel watched the video of herself kick in his arms at the port of Madrid on repeat until she couldn’t stand it anymore and turned off the TV.

Maybe that's why she decided to carry the concealed black pistol with her on the trip, even if she had promised no guns. Feeling it full with ammunition in the holster under her skirt brought a twisted feeling of security, and Raquel concluded that no one is entirely safe when hiding from the police. She didn’t show it, but she was electric, fully on alert. Her police senses were constantly on since they left the apartment and took a clandestine plane that would take them to Italy.

Sergio's hands was also sweaty on the wheel of the gray BMW, indicating his nervousness, but for a completely different reason: the encounter between Raquel and his grandmother. He drove slowly, almost below the speed limit of the deserted road, and feeling stupid for letting something as silly as Raquel meeting what was left of his family make him so apprehensive.

It's not that he didn’t trust Raquel with this information: his confidence skills improved a lot after they talked about what happened on the port. It was Nonna he did not trust. The old lady was very sweet, affectionate and protective, but could be a hell on earth if you mess with her family. And his relationship with Raquel was new and still complicated, full of mood swings and unfilled gaps. Sergio did not want to scare her or let her down when everything seemed to get better.

"Hey," Raquel whispered softly resting her hand on his leg. "I know you're worried. I need to admit I'm also not completely relaxed about this, but it's going to be ok!" "Yes, of course it will," he said and forced a smile. "I just... I never introduced anyone to my grandmother, I'm not used to… dealing with that kind of situation." Raquel laughed sweetly and came closer to give him a soft kiss on his cheek. "I can’t believe you’re more nervous because I’m meeting your grandma than with the fact that we’re fugitives?"

"Well, you are not a fugitive, you are my hostage. But yes, there is also that," Sergio laughed along adjusting the glasses on his nose, then turned the wheel around with a curve of the road. "The truth is, I didn’t have as many relationships in my life like you did. None, to be specific. And I’m used to be prepare for everything but this is still unknown territory to me" "Well, no one is fully prepared to meet their in-laws. And our troubled relationship doesn’t make things any easier” she smiled sweetly and turned her gaze to the road, now adorned with a breathtaking green landscape view. "Think of it as a simple dinner with special people. What’s the worst that could happen?”

***

Raquel took Sergio's hand in silence, shortly after he pressed the bell of the house where his grandmother lived. The residence was the typical sweet fairytale house, directly coming out of a romcom set in Italy: it was on top of a low hill and far from any kind of civilization. The entrance path was framed by white wooden fence keeping a beautiful garden of red roses and the smell of fresh apple pie being cooked escaped through the half-open windows.

During the whole trip, the inspector didn’t think much about how she would be introduced, but a second before the door opened, Raquel felt scared of a rejection. She was surely far from being the princess any mother had dreamed of for her son, and for the first time she felt dislocated with her independent, strong and rebellious aesthetics. But the insecurity soon gave way to a larger feeling that filled her heart when she saw Sergio's eyes watering as he faced the small lady with white puffy hair who opened the door, looking suspicious.

"Hello Nonna," he said, and his voice was shaky. Nonna frowned her wrinkled eyes at Raquel first and then directed her eyes to hiim, opened them wide in surprise. "Sergio?" She called and a smile came to her lips. "Is that you?" "It's me" Sergio now cried and laughed at the same time and Raquel only let go of his squeezing hand when the professor hugged his grandmother.

It was such an important and delicate moment that Raquel’s heart grew three times in size when she saw him so happy. He was in the arms of the woman who raised him without asking for anything in return, who loved him as his son, and included him in the family even without any obligation to do so. Raquel thought of all the love her own mother felt for her, and how this love doubled in size and crosses through her body, involuntarily, when Paula was born, as if very thin imaginary lines connected all three women forever right there in the maternity hospital. The inspector smiled, seeing nonna hold Sergio's face the same way that Maribi used to do with her and saw the power of a mother's love washing over him.

"I thought you were in jail! Or worse, dead! So many things happened, the TV does not stop talking about you. Your brother …” Nonna started but stopped when Sergio nodded positively, closing his eyes.

As if the mentioning of Berlin was a trigger, Nonna suddenly felt Raquel’s presence by his side, shifting the weight of her body under her uncomfortable feet. She gave her a glare that went quickly from sadness to rage and soon to disgust and Raquel could not bear to stare back. She looked at her feet instead and played with her watchband hoping that awkward moment would be over soon.

"Nonna" Sergio cleared his throat and readjusted his posture "I assume you already know Raquel Murillo" "Sergio, my dear, I'm very happy that you came to visit me, I missed you so much! But I will not accept cops inside my house," she said firmly, almost outraged, resting her hands on her hips. "They're killers using guns and badges and they've destroyed our family, you know that."

"Grandma, listen to me, Raquel’s is different. We…" "Sergio, it's okay" Raquel interrupted softly "She has every right to ..." "No, she needs to know! She needs to know, Raquel, you said it yourself that she is a part of my story and I want to be able to share it with you too." Sergio put an awkward arm around Raquel's back, resting a cold hand on her waist, and stared at his grandma shocked gaze with his chin up.

"I love her, Nonna. I didn’t predict it, I didn’t plan it and maybe it was a mistake, but it happened. You've always taught me that we have to take responsibility for our mistakes so I'm doing it now. Raquel was the best mistake I've made so far and if she can’t hen I will not either."

Nonna was silent for a long time, alternating the look of judgment between her grandson and Raquel while the inspector stared at him in shock as well. Then the elderly straightened her posture and looked uncomfortable in the doorway, wiping her hands on the apron that covered the flanel dress.

"I thought your brother was the only stubborn rebel in this family, Sergio, but I assume you both got this behavior from your father…” she said at last, pursing her lips in frustration. Then she just turned around entering the house again “Alright. Take your shoes off before coming in, I just cleaned up. The lasagna will be ready soon.”

***

"It was delicious" Raquel dared to praise after a particularly quiet dinner. Sergio told his grandmother all the details of the robbery that didn’t pass on the TV, and she listened to it quietly, casting curious glances at them. She was a very suspicious lady, Raquel concluded, a typical Italian grandmother who, despite her age, had a talent for cooking and would protect her family tooth and nail if necessary.

"Thank you so much for the dinner, Mrs…?" she trailed off, glancing to Sergio and realizing that she had not remembered to ask his grandmother’s real name.

"Uhm ... Nonna doesn’t reveal her name to anyone" he whispered, adjusting his glasses and Raquel frowned. "Her husband was one of the leaders of the Italian resistance during the second world war. They had to adopt codenames so the Fascist government wouldn’t find them.”

Raquel studied the little old lady, eating another bite of lasagna, and thought of all that she had suffered in her life to keep her family alive and together. She had to bury not only her husband, but her children and one of her grandsons, and has to live alone isolated all those years where memories haunted her. Suddenly the house looked less like fairytales and more like a melancholic and painful place. The inspector looked around, at the countless family portraits resting on shelves of the wooden dining room, and couldn’t even imagine the whole story behind them.

"It must have been unbearably difficult," Raquel suggested.

“Well, it was Nonna who taught me Bella Ciao when I was little. During the robbery I tried to teach the lyrics to the gang as a motivation..." Sergio added, trying to shift the mood and Nonna opened the first smile of the evening. “I’m not quite sure if they got the message of the song, though”

“I’m not surprised if they didn't. You only know the true meaning of war if you are in one” Nonna looked wisely, and Raquel noticed a few similarities with Sergio in the way she talked. “But I’m proud of you, for honoring it”

"You are a very strong woman, Nonna, it’s quite admirable.” the inspector smiled, searching for the right words as if she was stepping in eggs “And, about earlier, I understood your reaction, you were completely entitled to it. But, if I must say, I don’t think I want to be a member of the police force anymore”

Nonna stopped with her fork halfway through her mouth and Sergio immediately looked at Raquel with a confused expression. She simply ignored him and continued.

"After what happened during the heist, I found out that I don’t agree with some principles of being an inspector, especially regarding the national security service of Spain..." she looked at her empty plate and felt nauseous when she remembering all the many occasions she felt humiliated by Colonel Prieto, by her ex-husband, or by any other man that believed to be better than her was just because was born with the XY chromosomes. "They believe everything is in black and white. But some things are... in shades of gray"

When Raquel finally met the professor's gaze, she saw a whole universe in his eyes and vaguely remembered that Nonna stared at them from the other side of the table. He smiled and she softened, making her giggle as they touched their hands under the table like two teenagers in love.

"Well... I think we're done here." Nonna interrupted, resting the cutlery on the empty plate. "Honey, can you please wash the dishes? I want to have a private conversation with the inspector"

Raquel inhaled slowly and Sergio nodded in silence. He picked up the dirty dishes and exchanged a brief worried glance with her before retiring to the kitchen. Nonna got out of her chair, with some difficulty due to age, as soon as he was out of sight.

"You know I don’t usually look for news of what is happening in Spain, I only see what they say in the local newspaper here.” she said, circling the table slowly and Raquel didn’t know if she should get up to help her. "But I mean the whole world when I say that the newspapers have a lot to say about you, young lady"

"I know," she said, feeling defeated and ashamed somehow.

"For a long time, I agreed and disagreed with much of what the journalists said. I thought you only wanted the harm of my grandson. But today, I saw the way he looks at you and how you look at him, and I realized that it does not matter what I think.” Nonna opened the cupboard behind Raquel where she supposed there would be plates and cutlery but instead she found books and records.

“I mean, I just an old lonely lady, who am I to judge?” “You are very special to him, ma’m” Raquel smiled and got up to make room for the old woman to rummage inside the cupboard.

"When I was younger, I fell madly in love with a beautiful, intelligent, brave man who lived two houses after mine. We dated in secret for a long time because he was from a much poorer family than mine and it was outrageous if we were even seen together.” Nonna seemed to speak on her own, but Raquel partially identified herself with the story and wondered how much the newspapers had revealed about her relationship with Sergio.

“And when the war hit us, they called me crazy for giving up everything I had to escape with a revolutionary, futureless delinquent" Raquel watched the lady pull out a small green wooden box from the highest shelf and close the cupboard. She set the box on the dining table and opened it, containing: two cigars, some wrapped papers, two silver rings, and a necklace that caught Raquel's attention.

"When we ran away, Salvatore gave me this necklace as a gift," she said, pulling out the jewelry with shaking hands, and Raquel could see the pendant. It looked like a small cage meticulously carved in silver that nestled a light pink pearl inside.

"Salva..." she murmured to herself, raising her eyebrows as she understood Sergio's tribute to his grandfather. But Nonna couldn’t know that.

"Yes, well we never had codenames for each other. He was always my Salvatore" she smiled, spinning the pendant around her wrinkled fingers. "You see, every pearl when inside an oyster’s shell, has a different color shade. And people say that every color has it’s meaning, as a lucky charm. This one means love and I want you to have it."

Raquel's eyes widened, completely baffled. "No, no, no, it's a family treasure! I can’t..."

"Of course you can." Nonna grabbed her hand and put the necklace inside the palm before closing the inspector's fingers around it. "I may not agree with Sergio's choice, but it’s the one he did. Can’t come back from it now. And I support it, as long as he is happy... "

The lady released her hand and Raquel studied the jewelry more closely. It didn’t look very refined but it was beautiful. The loose pearl inside the silver arrangement gleamed in the light as if it was made with stardust and she felt she could break it with any more abrupt movement.

"Just don’t ruin everything, will you, dear?" Nonna asked, patting her on the shoulder and she felt she was about to cry. Raquel wanted to thank the elder for the gesture but when she looked up again, something caught her attention and the smile on her lips faded, being replaced by panting breathing and racing heartbeat.

Through the window behind Nonna, at the end of the night-drenched landscape, a red-and-blue siren glowed on the horizon.

#la casa de papel #money heist #raquel murillo #raquel y el profesor #raquel x profesor #raquel x sergio #raquel x professor #sergio marquina #iwritestuff #escapar

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andsoshespins · 6 years

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Nervous Energy

I feel as if this summer started in a frenzy of short trips, obligations, and work, and I am finally winding down a bit, halfway through the season.

The day I finished school, I ran around doing errands, I honestly feel like I have not stopped since. I had family obligations due to visitors from California, followed by a trip to the gorgeous Jersey shore, a short stint home for the 4th of July, immediately setting out for four days of Niagara Falls with my elderly grandparents and exhausting family, followed by a full week of workshops. I feel almost as zapped of energy as the end of the school year.

I feel like my anxiety has been switched to high for so long, and it is taking all my energy to switch it back. And, obviously, this causes me greater stress because my internal monologue says, “Why can’t I calm down? It’s summer for pity’s sake! I’m supposed to be relaxing and enjoying free moments.”

Deep breath.

I tried explaining my anxieties and stress to my boyfriend, but he truly did not understand. It felt like he did not try to understand, but that might be a different story. Sometimes this is frustrating because the couple of people who WOULD understand and be able to help me name and explain the struggle are so busy and stressed themselves I do not wish to put more burden on them by asking for help. Sigh. This cycle is weird. And it sucks.

I started this post two weeks ago when I was at the height of stress level and unable to function properly.

I must admit that these last two weeks have been MUCH better. I started it on Sunday by remaining horizontal for most of the day. I watched some shows with my boyfriend, ate a lovely homemade brunch with my family, and caught up on Tumblr alone after everyone went their separate ways. I finally finished reading the collection of short stories I started a few weeks ago and began another novel. I slept in on Monday, grateful for canceled plans. I spent the WHOLE DAY reading that second novel and I FINISHED THE DAMN THING. I have not done that in so long. The glory of completing a riveting story that

This last week was also far more balanced as I again, took Sunday and Monday for myself, going on a mini shopping spree for new apparel I need. I cannot quite remember the last time I purchased clothing for myself, so it was indeed time. I also cleaned out my closet and drawers, reorganizing them and getting rid of a full bag of items for donation, all before tutoring for a few hours and spending the night at my nonna’s house under the pergola. Today I have been trying to do some online coursework but not succeeding as I hoped. Maybe expending some of this nervous energy in this here post, I can carry on with my obligations.

And there we go: nervous energy and obligations. In summers passed, I thought I had always held a decent balance between productivity and relaxation. I would see friends more frequently, visit museums more often, and read more books. This summer, I feel like there was an added pressure. I felt like I was afraid of “wasting” my entire summer without being productive for work. Now I’m realizing that I may have kicked it too high into overdrive, and, of course, raced to the other extreme. I think I was oddly self-conscious about this summer, about the prospect of not working and earning extra cash, of being seen as a lazy teacher (not that I should care because I know I work damn hard ALL the time, but my mind trips me up sometimes).

I also know that the stress of buying a house is coming into play here. We are still awaiting an official closing date as some back-and-forth nonsense has taken place over the last month due to property lines and fences and money. Sigh. I think the uncertainty of this endeavor and all that hangs in the balance of actually buying this thing is causing me stress. I cannot begin to buy or even look at what I need (which is A LOT) until we seal the deal (partially because I’m weirdly superstitious about certain things, and partially because I just do not think it is a logical move until things are cemented). I know that worrying about all the pots and pans and couches and mattress and TVs I need to obtain is not going to help make the process smoother or quicker. I think the in-between status is wearing me down, as I feel like I am not able to spend my summer preparing for this huge move, in every sense of the word. And, already, I’m projecting on the difficulty of this at the start of the school year. (But people move all the time, and I’ll be fine, right?)

I feel like even though I have accomplished quite a bit in the last month, I am still constantly itching for the next task and accomplishment. While I am trying to reconnect to people, I am sometimes mentally reviewing my To Do List and planning out how long my online coursework will take me, or about the phone calls to insurance offices I must make the next day. While I feel like the struggle to stay present is always stirring just below the surface, I feel it breaking through and consuming all my energy these last few weeks. I feel like even when I do have odd downtime, I do not spend it wisely. I am overwhelmed by all the organizing and decluttering I must do.

Summer holds a strange pressure for me. I overbook and overplan which leaves me either exhausted from executing all my plans or disgruntled when plans fail. Why do I hold unreasonable expectations of the summer? Is it some weird teacher guilt because I get two months of vacation when most people have two weeks spread throughout the year? Is it the fear of idleness, the fear of what the brain will do when the hands are not busy? That feeling of “living wrong” has been pervasive this summer, and it is despicable to me as I have not held that position on myself in quite a long time. Sigh. Why is everything so cyclical?

So, one obnoxiously-long post later, and I realize that I REALLY need to care for myself. I think I always knew that. Why do I forget it so often? Sigh. Here’s to the second half of summer passing more on my own terms than the first.

#sigh #summer #nervous energy

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svubloods · 7 years

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Imagine being Sonny’s sister and your boyfriend Jamie helping you reconnect with your family

(A/N: Sorry for the wait… a continuation suggested by @delnquents I hope you and everyone else enjoys this)

!WARNING: Reader has anxiety and family issues/Includes a scene with a therapist!

Continuation of an imagine you can find HERE

Imagine being Sonny’s sister and your boyfriend Jamie helping you reconnect with your family

“How would you feel if we spent today's session talking about your family,” Your therapist suggested as soon as you sat down.

“How about we don’t?” You countered swiftly.

“Y/N,” She tutted, disapprovingly, “You can’t avoid the subject forever,”

“Fine,” You gave in reluctantly, shifting uncomfortably in your seat, “What do you want to know?”

“Do you get on with them?” She asked.

“Well enough,” You responded, quickly.

“What does that mean?” She countered.

“Depends on which family member we are talking about,” You replied.

“Remind me who is in your family,” She prompted.

“Are talking about just immediate family?” You asked to clarify.

“You can do extended if you would like,” She offered.

“Then we would be here all night,” You chuckled dryly, “I am Italian after all.”

“I forgot,” She smiled, “Just who you think is relevant,”

“Well, I have an older brother,” You began.

“And that’s Sonny?” She questioned.

You nodded.

“I also have two older sisters and their husbands and kids, there is my mom and dad and my Grandparents on my Dad’s side and my Nonna on my Mom’s,” You listed off.

“So why are you so averse to talking about your family?” She inquired gently.

“Well, I talk about Sonny,” You reminded, avoiding the question.

“I get the feeling that is because he’s the one you’re closest too,” She commented.

You nodded again.

“Why?” She inquired once again.

“What do you mean?” You responded.

“Why are you closer to Sonny than your older sisters for example,” She elaborated.

“We are closer in age. I’m the youngest of four he was the third. Grew up together. I don’t know,” You offered complacently.

“Well you grow up with you sisters, why aren’t you close to them?” She pointed out.

“We’re just different,” You shrugged.

“And you and your brother are similar?” She continued to probe.

“No, not really,” You sighed, “He’s just more open and I guess understanding. He’s different in his own way,”

“How so?” She probed.

“Like he’s more accepting of me,” You tried to clarify, though you don’t think you were doing a good job.

“What do you mean?” She asked.

“I’m not like the people in my family. I’m different and Sonny is the only one who accepts me for me,” You explained.

“What do you mean by that?” She pressed.

“I’m not the traditional girl my parents wanted to raise, I guess,” You explained, “And Sonny is the only one that is fully okay with that,”

“How are you different to them?” She asked.

“I come from a very traditional roman catholic family. It’s big, it’s loud and very religious. Two of my cousins are priests. My parents don’t understand why I don’t want to get married and have children straight away, they don’t understand why I want to wait. They don’t understand why I come to therapy you know and I every time I try to explain they ask why I can’t talk to them.” You explained.

“And why can’t you talk to them?” She asked.

“Because they don’t understand how their daughter can have such different ideas and just be so different,” You spluttered, “I don’t believe in God. I got kicked out of Sunday school because I asked too many questions. So they punished me and tried to put the fear the god into me. They didn’t get why I’m not loud and over emotional like they are. I’m quiet and an introvert. I express with action, not words. They just didn’t get it so they treated me differently. Like they were so confused by me constantly so it was just easier to keep to myself. Which meant I just spent my time alone overthinking and since I felt like such a disappointment to them I just started getting anxious about the things I say and stuff because I didn’t know what would set them off,”

“Do you think how they treated you contributed to your anxiety?” She asked bluntly.

“Maybe,” You sighed, “I can’t blame them for everything.”

“You said they treat you differently,” She picked up.

“Yeah,” You nodded.

“How so?” She pondered.

“They don’t seem as proud as me as they are my siblings,” You confessed.

“You’re a social worker who has been recently promoted and is often regarded as the best in her departments,” She recalled, “I can’t wait to hear what your siblings do,”

“My brother is a Detective and my sisters both have part time jobs,” You informed.

“And your parents treat them differently,” She prompted.

“Sisters are perfect daughters who are always around with their own kids while I’m not and my brother is my brother. He gets a free pass,” You explained, “But it isn’t even about that,”

“Then what is it about?” She asked.

“They’re normal and I’m not,” You answered simply, “They aren’t atheists, or anxious and they all want children as soon as possible,”

“You don’t want children?” She inquired.

“Now I do,” You smiled, “Since I met Jamie just not right now,”

“Did he change your mind about the subject?” She questioned.

“No, he just made me realize that I wanted kids and that I was just saying I didn’t because I thought no one would want to have them with a screw up like me,” You shrugged.

“You aren’t a screw-up, Y/N,” She reminded.

“Hmm,” You let out, “They don’t accept me but our relationship is getting better,”

“Yours and your parents?” She asked.

“Yeah,” You confirmed.

“Why is that?” She inquired.

“Jamie,” You revealed with a helpless smile, “He has this charm and this way of speaking that is really hard to resist, honestly I will never understand how anyone could hate him. I knew they would like him but they really like Jamie. They love him. They’ve literally told him that they’re so happy that we’re together because they were worried that I wouldn’t meet anyone with my ailments,”

“Why do you think they like Jamie?” She probed.

“He’s a good guy. Religious enough for them, smart, family orientated. Not to bad to look at. He’s just a great person,” You offered.

“Not because he treats you well or makes you happy?” She smiled sadly.

“I don’t know if they care,” You lied.

“Do you feel loved by them?” She confronted.

“Of course they do. I am their daughter,” You replied, “But the level varies. Usually, it’s normal amount that you would expect but then they get reminded that I don’t go to church or I get anxious. I can feel it go down. So when things are good I’m just waiting for the ball to drop,”

“And that makes you anxious,” She continued.

You nodded.

“How has it been going recently,” She asked.

“Better…” You admitted.

“And why is that?” She inquired, folding her legs and delicately chewing the end of her pen as she focused.

“Because of Jamie,”

Your session continued for around 40 more minutes after that. You continued to discuss the inner workings of your somewhat strained relationship with your family as candidly as you could manage. It felt awkward because you had been raised never to speak about family dysfunction outside of the actual family but that had been the case throughout going to therapy. It was hard to open up and talk about hard stuff.

It was an unexpectedly tense session so by the end of it, you were definitely exhausted. Which wasn’t good because you were about to go on a getaway to Montauk with your boyfriend, Jamie. In fact, he was waiting outside so as soon as you finished you could embark on your 4-hour drive down. Probably not the best idea but once again you didn’t think it was going to be like this, you thought you would discuss going on a semi spontaneous trip with your boyfriend for a few days, which is something that the both of you rarely did but since you had just been promoted and you were also both fast approaching your anniversary, your eighteenth month anniversary, which you wouldn’t really be celebrating if you weren’t going away.

You and Jamie like you said had been dating for around a year and a half at this point and it has just been amazing. He was sweet, sensitive, strong and funny plus to you, he is beyond the word handsome. Way too handsome for you but he didn’t think so apparently and he hated it when you say it. He truly is the best human being you’ve ever met. You just connected on this level that you had never experienced before. You were so different but it was also like you were two half of a whole. You loved being with each other and you hated being apart. You could do everything you’ve ever wanted and the best part of your day would still be when you met up with Jamie. Which usually was first thing in the morning as he was basically living in your apartment at this point.

You weren’t lying when you told your therapist that he has an ability to charm anyone. You knew that your parents would like him but you didn’t think that they would as much as they do. They love Jamie and unfortunately, you also aren’t lying when you say that they probably love him more than you, because it’s probably true. Being him definitely helped your relationship but you were still distant from them. Though Jamie encouraged you to spend more time with them. You introduced Jamie to them after three months of dating and you were introduced to the Reagans at six months for other reasons. But ever since Jamie met your parents you’d been going to your own weekly family dinners more often, though you tried to avoid them as much as you could.

You much preferred the Reagan family dinners and had attended every single one since you were first invited. You got on well with the Reagans and they had quickly accepted you into the family and now around a year on from when you officially met them, you were quite close. For the first time, you felt like you were apart of a family that accepted you completely, without judgment. You think it’s because none of them were the same, they were all black-sheep, like you, thrown together. There was no stereotype or expectation to adhere to.

You knew that Jamie didn’t always understand how you could be so distant from your family especially as he was so close to his own but he always tried. And he was very understanding of your anxiety, even though he hadn’t been close in contact with it before. You tried to keep it from him for the most part which he didn’t like. So to counteract that he always held your hand in public just in case you ever felt anxious.

“How was it?” Jamie asked, with a comforting smile as you slipped into the passenger seat.

Jamie was already dressed for the beach and the hot weather predicted. Wearing blue shorts and a white t-shirt with stripes of various colors as well as having sunglasses hanging off so they could easily be slipped on.

“Good,” You lied, wiping your face tactfully to make sure that you had got all the tears.

“Are you okay?” Jamie asked sympathetically, reaching out your hand because he always knew when something was wrong and when you were lying.

“A huh,” You said with an exaggerated nod before taking his hand and kissing it before turning and flashing a smile, “Promise,”

“Okay,” He sighed, not completely satisfied.

“Let’s get going, huh?” You suggested shaking the emotion off and faking it expertly, “We have an anniversary to celebrate,”

“Don’t you mean a promotion?” He smirked, as he started the car and began driving.

“Then it wouldn’t be a treat for the both of us?” You countered.

“Celebrating you is a treat for me,” He insisted.

“Anniversary celebrations are more romantic,” You reminded.

“You can make anything romantic if you try hard enough,” He commented.

“Can you now?” You entertained.

“Well, we don’t ever have to try,” He grinned, “It always feels romantic when I’m with you,”

“That wasn’t as smooth as you think it is,” You mentioned.

“Guess I’ll just have to try harder,” He winked.

“I can’t wait to see this,” You chuckled.

You and Jamie continue to chat for the next hour as you continued to embark on your adventure. After that, the conversation died down as you had taken an unexpected, impromptu nap. When you woke up you on your last hour of the journey.

“Look who's up,” Jamie said as you stirred.

“How long was I asleep for?” You questioned, stretching.

“Just under two hours,” He replied, looking at you briefly.

“I don’t know why I’m so tired,” You yawned.

“Especially since you went to bed at 9 last night,” He commented.

“I wouldn’t be going anywhere if I didn’t do all those double shifts last week,” You reminded.

“And I appreciate it,” He chuckled. “Do you want me to take over?” You inquired.

“No, I’m good,” He insisted, “You might fall asleep at the wheel if your as tired as you claim,”

You just shook your head and settled into your seat.

“So do you want to talk about what’s on your mind?” He asked.

“What do you mean?” You questioned.

“Something is up,” He insisted.

“I’m fine,” You countered.

“No, you aren’t,” He countered sadly, “I can’t enjoy myself unless you’re okay,”

“Jamie, I’m ok…” You want to say.

“You aren’t okay,” He interrupted and rectified, “Come on Y/N, please,”

“My session was just a little more intense than I expected,” You finally gave in and offered, bowing your head.

“Can I ask what you talked about,” He probed gently.

“My parents mostly,” You confessed.

“Really?” Jamie said in surprise, he knew that you had tried adamantly, “That’s great,”

“Great?” You questioned.

“You had to talk about them eventually didn’t you?” He asked, “I mean you’ve been avoiding it forever so it’s good that you finally discussed it,”

“Didn’t have to be today though,” You huffed.

“Why not?” He asked.

“Because I don’t want to talk about it,” You said.

“Sometimes we have to feel bad to feel better,” He stated.

“But it isn’t going to get better,” You sighed, “No matter how much I try. I can’t change them, can I?”

“Maybe you don’t have to change them, maybe they are doing that themselves,” He counteracted.

“Do you know something I don’t?” You questioned, folding your arms.

“I think they have started to change in relation to trying to understand you,” He elaborated, “I think they have started to try and see things from your perspective,”

“Just because dinners are less tense doesn’t mean they have started to change,” You countered.

“Well, why do you think they are less tense then?” He inquired.

“Because they like you,” You replied, “Nobody can resist that Reagan charm,” “Well, I can’t really argue with that,” He chuckled, “But it’s not just that,”

“But it is,” You insisted, “To them, you’re the best decision I’ve ever made,”

“Do you not agree?” He teased.

“Depends on the day,” You smirked.

“I know you say that I have a natural talent to ‘charm’ anyone,” He began, “But you have a gift of making whoever you encounter feel loved. You are so selfless that you give yourself to people and they pick up on it. I’ve seen it, Hell, I’ve felt it. You make people feel like they are important because you genuinely listen and take in what they say. I think it why you are so good at your job. The kids you work with haven’t had anyone tell them they are important or made them feel like they are. But then they meet you and from the second they do, you can see it in there eyes. You make them feel important. It’s one of my favorite things about you. It one of the many reasons I love you,”

“Jamie…” You went to say.

“Let me finish,” He insisted, “And it’s because of that and all the other things that make you the incredible person you are that I think that they are changing. I’m not the only one that is seeing all the good you do. They are too and I think they have made them try harder with you. And you may not see it because you are so sure that they hate you that you don’t even pay attention. But they don’t hate you. They love you so much. They just didn’t know how and I’m not excusing how they treated you before but I think they’ve realized that they can’t make you into who they want you to be. Especially not now because they are starting to appreciate the amazing person you are,”

“I don’t know what to say,” You let out, overwhelmed.

“They’ve told me that they feel bad and they want to try and understand,” He revealed.

“When?” You interrogated.

“Since you’re always late to dinner on the rare occasions I get you to go we have a lot of time to talk,” He confessed.

“Talk is just talk,” You played off, “They haven’t ever done anything to prove this,”

“Because they don’t know how and it’s not like you ever give them a chance either,” He commented.

“So it’s my fault,” You related.

“That isn’t what I’m saying and you know it’s not,” Jamie insisted, “They are so proud of you, Y/N. They just don;t how to express it because they didn’t expect it. They treat you different because you are so different and they didn’t know how to handle it. They realize that it wasn’t the best way now because they feel like they’ve lost their daughter.”

“You think they are proud of me?” You asked.

“I know they are,” He smiled, “You know when you were in the paper a couple of months ago for your work at the youth center?”

“Yeah,” You nodded.

“Your Dad has that article framed on his desk,” He revealed. “How do you know that?” You inquired, “When did you go to my Dad’s work?”

“I had some business around there and I stopped by and saw it,” He offered, “And my Mom always asks how you are while I help her cook while I wait for you to get there,”

“So why can’t she tell me that?” You asked.

“When do you give her the chance?” He countered.

There was a silence between you.

“Maybe I should call them and let them know what we are doing?” You said.

“Okay,” Jamie nodded casually but you could tell he was happy for you, “I know they would want to hear about our plans,”

“Maybe I can if they want a postcard for their collection,” You continued, “They haven’t ever been down here,”

“I’m pretty sure they would love that,” Jamie smiled.

“I could maybe invite them to that award ceremony next week as well,” You suggested out-loud once again.

“Everyone else is coming,” Jamie grinned, “Why not invite them,”

“I’m going to do it,” You stated, grabbing of your phone, tapping away and putting it up to your ear, “Hey Jamie,”

“Yeah?” He prompted.

“I love you,” You said.

“I love you too,” He replied.

Your Dad was definitely surprised to get your call as you never ever called out of the blue like this, in fact, you can’t even remember the last time you called him. He seemed excited at the prospect of coming to your awards event even though you reminded him it was off for work. It was a nice conversation that branched off naturally onto your plans for yours and Jamie’s time away. It was nice, strangely.

“I have to go now Pa,” You announced after a good ten-minute conversation.

“Okay caro, Rimanga secure,” He waved off, “I love you,”

“I love you too,” You struggled.

“Say hi to Jamie and make sure you say yes,” He said before prematurely ending the call.

“What?” You went to say before you realized that the call had ended.

“So?” Jamie asked as you put the phone down.

“He and Mom will be there,” You retold.

“That’s great,” Jamie grinned as he turned the engine off as you had reached your hotel, “I;m so proud of you,”

Jamie leaned over for a hug which you automatically and eagerly and reciprocated.

“But…” You said as he pulled away.

“But what?” Jamie questioned.

“He said something about saying yes to you,” You explained.

Jamie's face reacted in a minimal way as if he was trying to hide something.

“And you know exactly what he is talking about, don’t you?” You confronted.

“Well, I wasn’t exactly planning on asking you this in a carpark,” He sighed, “But since I know now that you know something is up that you won’t drop it. I guess I will just ask.”

“This better not be what I think it is,” You commented, “There isn’t enough room in this car to react,”

“It’s not,” He ensured, “But it is a step in that direction,”

“Okay…” You dragged out.

“I was planning on asking you probably over a romantic candle lit dinner if you wanted to move in together,” He revealed.

“Oh Jamie,” You smiled, “That’s so sweet,”

You leaned over and kissed him.

“Well?” He asked as you pulled away.

“Oh right,” You spluttered, realizing you hadn’t actually answered, “Of course I want to move in with you,”

“Great, I’m just sorry I asked you here and not over that dinner or the beach even” He beamed helplessly before kissing you again.

“Don’t worry here was perfect,” You commented as you broke apart once again, “Even if it means that’s another thing you were right about,”

“What?” He questioned.

“We really can make anything or anywhere romantic,”