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fortheloveofwonderland · 2 years

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Seventeen Minutes | S.R

Not my gif

Summary - seventeen minutes a day is all Spencer gets to spend with you but it’s enough for him to quickly fall head over heels for you. Until one day you seemingly disappear off the face off the earth, leaving Spencer questioning everything.

A/N - for my ‘Undercover’ square for @cmbingo - it very loosely fits this square. Set in s8 in place of the Maeve arc

Pairing - Spencer Reid / Fem! Reader

Category - fluff, angst with a happy ending

Content warnings - mostly fluff and Spencer being the goddamn cutest human ever, light angst and mentions of residual trauma and therapists

Word Count - 9.6k

Masterlist

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There was nothing greater in life than the smell of freshly ground coffee in the morning, if you asked Spencer Reid.

The scent of the coffee percolating combined with the sounds of the machines whirring and hissing and the buzz of commuters making small talk while they awaited their beverages had a way of grounding Spencer.

Working for the BAU left him only small windows of normalcy. He was out of state more than he was home, he rarely knew if he was coming or going.

But every morning he was in the state, without fail, he stopped by the little coffee shop between the metro station and Quantico on his way to work.

Every morning Spencer would order a black coffee and stand by the window thumbing through whatever book he was reading while he awaited his order.

He let the smell of the coffee beans drift up his nose and the hum of people tickled his ears. There was something so human about it he often thought. When he was in here waiting for his coffee he wasn’t a genius. He wasn’t an FBI Agent. He wasn’t the man with the sick mother.

He was simply one of the nameless, faceless patrons looking for his morning coffee fix. And there was something that felt so beautifully anonymous about that.

His order took a little longer than usual this morning but he didn’t mind. He always left himself plenty of time to get his fix and get to the office without being late.

His order was eventually called and he slipped his paperback inside his satchel and weaved through the people in the small shop towards the collection window.

The young girl handed him his drink with a forced smile and he nodded his thanks before taking his drink and heading to the door.

He brought the take out cup to his lips and took his first sip as his hand went to the door handle.

The assault on his taste buds made me groan audibly and his features scrunched up as he stared at the cup like it had grown a second head.

“Excuse me,” he quickly manoeuvred back to the counter. “I don’t think this is mine.”

The young girl looked at him with a slightly frustrated sigh.

“White chocolate Frappuccino with an extra shot of caramel.” She shrugged.

“Uh…yeah this really isn’t my order.” He chewed on his lip, the sickly sweet sip he’d taken still tingling his tongue.

Spencer liked a sweet coffee, but this was almost obscene. He didn’t know how anyone could drink this, let alone at such an early hour.

The barrister was looking at him like she literally couldn’t care less and certainly made no attempt to make him his actual order.

Thinking he was going to be stuck with the caffeine monstrosity he pouted wondering if he could get past the taste and just enjoy the caffeine hit. And then he heard a small voice breaking through all the noise.

“Let me guess,” the voice was soft and delicate and captivated Spencer’s interest immediately. “Sugary black coffee?”

He turned away from the barrister toward the voice.

You were giving him a warm, friendly smile as you held the coffee cup towards him clearly not as thrown by this mix up as he was.

“And that’s my Frappuccino.” You continued when he didn’t make a move to hand you over your coffee or even speak.

Maybe it was his lack of coffee intake or maybe it was the way your drink was still sitting on his tongue, but Spencer found himself dumbstruck.

Perhaps it had nothing to do with either of those things and everything to do with your smile and your slightly sparkling eyes.

He liked to think that, maybe, had he consumed his coffee, he might have said something witty and maybe even charming. He blamed the lack of it in his system for what he said next and not your captivating beauty.

“Do you know, coffee beans are technically seeds?” He half-smiled, knowing his fact was completely unprovoked and unwarranted. But he didn’t stop there. “They’re actually the pits of cherry-like berries found on flowering shrubs but we refer to them as beans due to their resemblance to legumes.”

What followed was a stretch of uncomfortable silence. Spencer’s facts didn’t get shining reviews at the best of times, least of all when he was spouting them to complete strangers.

You narrowed your eyes on him, letting his words sink in.

He prepared for you to take your coffee off of him and make a dash for it or maybe briefly feign interest before you made your escape.

He did not at all expect the reaction he actually got.

Your face seemed to suddenly break out into a large smile and you looked at him with something akin to fondness in your eyes.

“That is,” you chuckled lightly. “Absolutely fascinating.”

Spencer had received many different reactions to his randomly blurted facts over the years, but genuine interest was completely new to him.

He frowned at you, using his free hand to scratch the back of his head.

“R-really?”

“Really.” You laughed as you took your drink from him and placed his own drink in his now empty hand.

Without another word the two of you headed to the door together. Spencer instinctively held it open for you to pass through first and you thanked him with a slightly shy smile.

On the street the two of you stopped and looked at each other.

“What way are you headed?” You asked him, holding your Frappuccino close to your body as though hugging it.

“Uh that way.” Spencer nodded his head behind him. “I work at Quantico just around the corner.”

“Me too.” You laughed, chewing on your lip.

If Spencer didn’t know any better he’d think you were nervous but he couldn’t understand why.

“You’re FBI?” He asked as the two of you fell into step towards your office.

“Yeah, I’m a TOC Agent.”

Spencer’s eyes widened a little from the unexpectedness. He wasn’t sure what sort of agent he expected you to be, but he hadn’t been expecting that.

The Transnational Organised Crime Unit investigated criminal groups posing great threats to the national and economical security of the United States. The TOC was involved in anything from human trafficking, drug trafficking, sexual exploitation of children to money laundering and mail fraud.

It was a hardcore department and Spencer couldn’t help but be impressed.

“Oh wow.” He sipped his coffee. “That must be interesting.”

“It can be.” You shrugged. “When you pull the drug cases or the prostitution rings. Recently it’s become more like working for cyber crimes though, I spend too much time behind my desk these days for my liking.”

“I suppose that’s the way of the world now. Everything else is taking place online, why not crime?”

“I’m sorry, I didn't ask what you do. How rude of me.” You offered him a guilty smile as you walked together side by side.

“I work for the BAU.”

“No kidding?” You beamed. “That’s fascinating. I’ve always been in awe of what you guys do.”

Spencer felt a blush creeping to his cheeks and he bowed his head a little, hoping to hide it from you.

“Uh…thanks.” He sipped his coffee awkwardly.

For the next block the two of you walked in silence, enjoying the fresh fall breeze and drinking your beverages.

What struck Spencer as odd was how this wasn’t odd. The silence between you wasn’t awkward or stifled. It was comfortable, as though you’d know each other for years.

He held open the door to the building for you to step inside and then followed you in. You waited for the elevator together and Spencer had to focus on the closed doors in front of him so as not to stare at you.

“I don’t mean this to sound weird,” you spoke just as the elevator doors slid open and you both stepped inside. “But I saw the book you were reading in the coffee shop and I wondered if it was any good? I’ve actually been meaning to read it myself.”

Spencer pressed the button for the fourteenth floor and you pressed the one for the tenth.

“It’s my third read actually.” He felt his cheeks burn again. “So I’d say it’s pretty good.”

He used his free hand to open his satchel and pulled the book free of confines.

“Third read, yikes.” You laughed and Spencer felt a shiver pass up his spine at the glorious sound.

“You can borrow it if you like?” He held the book out with a small smile.

You tentatively reached out and ran your fingers over the worn cover.

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah,” he shrugged as you cautiously took the book from his hand and hugged it to your chest.

“Thank you.” You chewed your lip.

“It’s ok, if anything, it gives me an excuse to see you again.” Spencer instantly wished he could rewind time and take those words back.

How pathetic did that sound?

But you were smiling at him, brighter than before, and he saw a glint in your eyes that made him feel a little weak.

“Sounds perfect to me.”

The elevator came to a stop and the doors opened on your floor.

You took your coffee and the book and stepped out, turning back to Spencer.

“Wait, I didn’t get your name!” He called, dashing to the door to keep it open.

“Y/N. Y/N Y/L/N.”

Beautiful, he thought. Perfect, wonderful, beautiful.

“I’m Spencer. Spencer Reid.”

“Ok Spencer, maybe I’ll see you tomorrow?”

“Maybe.” He smiled, stepping back from the doors.

The two of you kept eye contact until the doors closed between you.

Once alone as the elevator started it’s ascent again, Spencer leant back against the wall with a content sigh and a smile on his face.

Sure, the smell of freshly ground coffee in the morning was great. But after today, Spencer had a new favourite pick me up he hoped would become tradition.

Looking into your eyes and getting to bask in your illustrious smile, listening to you talk or just walking in silence with you, was superior to any caffeine buzz.

And he couldn’t wait until tomorrow to do it all again.

***

Unfortunately, tomorrow didn’t come until almost a week later.

The BAU had been whisked away on a case in Arizona for four days, leaving Spencer reeling.

Spencer had never had an issue with his job taking him away from home, it was one of the things he enjoyed the most about working for the BAU.

But maybe that was because he’d never had someone waiting for him at home. Going home after a long day to his empty apartment wasn’t always all it was cracked up to be.

Although he didn’t exactly have someone waiting for him now, but the early morning coffee and light conversation with a beautiful and intoxicating woman was more than worth the lonely nights.

The worst part about it was he had no way of letting you know he wouldn’t be there to meet you. You would know the BAU gets pulled away on cases a lot and hopefully you would understand that was the reason he didn’t meet you for coffee the next morning.

But what if you didn’t? What if you’d taken it as a sign that he wasn’t interested? What if you turned up at the coffee shop every day he was gone and each time he wasn’t there you took it to mean he hadn’t enjoyed the short time you’d spent together?

Spencer had very much enjoyed that small window of time with you. He’d been lonely for so long he hadn’t even realised how alone he’d felt.

It had been longer than he could remember, even with his memory, since a woman had shown an interest in him, least of all one as bewitching as you. And it had left him feeling lonelier than ever.

Those four days spent in Arizona seemed like weeks. Time dragged by at an alarmingly slow rate. They would get a lead only for it to fall through. He felt like he’d never get back home. Or back to you.

It was funny how such a brief encounter had such a permanent effect on him. Every second of the run in was etched in Spencer’s mind from the way your eyes captivated him the moment he looked in them, to the way you gazed at him as the elevator doors closed between you.

He could recall what you wore down to the blue hair tie on your wrist and your purple nail varnish that was chipped around the edges.

Spencer recollected your smell, the floral perfume you wore that suited you to a tee. He could still bring to mind the taste of your Frappuccino and he knew for a fact caramel would now forever remind him of you.

Spencer had never found himself smitten before, not so intensely and so quickly. But he simply couldn’t take his mind off of you.

His team could tell he was distracted. He wasn’t offering out his statistics and facts with their usual level of frequency and the geographic profile took him longer to piece together than was normal for the genius.

Thankfully no one dared to ask him about his inattentiveness, because Spencer wouldn’t have a good reason for it.

He couldn’t very well admit he was preoccupied by thoughts of a woman he had a seventeen minute encounter with.

They arrived home late four days after leaving and thankfully Spencer was too exhausted to dwell too much on whether or not he might see you tomorrow.

But he did dream about you when he closed his eyes.

***

Spencer nervously stood on the sidewalk, two coffees in his hands. He was chewing his bottom lip while his stomach did somersaults in anticipation.

He didn’t even know if you’d be here this morning and he would be incredibly downtrodden if you weren’t. But he tried not to think about that.

He’d spent longer than he would care to admit picking out an outfit today which was completely unheard of for Spencer as he usually just grabbed the first thing he came across in his closet.

He finally decided on a pair of his nicest black slacks, a purple shirt that matched the nail polish you’d been wearing and a dark grey cardigan.

Admittedly he probably looked like a teacher's assistant but maybe you liked that? People had some interesting kinks, he hoped yours might be thirty year olds dressing double their age. It had to be someone’s, right?

He managed to check his watch, narrowly avoiding spilling your coffee in the process. He estimated he could realistically wait another five minutes and still get to work on time if he ran all the way to Quantico.

He felt a little foolish if truth be told. The two of you had one brief meeting, he’d spent four days panicking that you’d think he wasn’t interested and now here he was waiting for you like some kind of stalker with your coffee order.

Spencer started to panic. This was weird even for him. You’d probably not given him a second thought when you’d left him in the elevator.

What was he thinking? He was going to come across creepy, you would no doubt freak out if you saw him.

This was a terrible idea, beyond terrible, it was completely insane.

He decided to make a break for it, maybe he could give your coffee to Garcia so it didn’t go to waste.

He turned to head down the street towards Quantico, mentally berating himself for thinking this was a good idea when out of nowhere you were walking down the sidewalk towards him.

Your whole face lit up as soon as he came into view and if Spencer wasn’t mistaken, he swore you quickened your pace towards him.

“Spencer!” You were beaming from ear to ear by the time you reached him, unable to contain the excitement from your voice.

“Oh, hey Y/N.” He smiled shyly in return.

“It’s good to see you. I missed you at the coffee shop.” Your cheeks burnt at your admittance, but the smile that broke out on Spencer’s face went some way to dispel your embarrassment.

“I’m sorry.” Spencer looked a picture of guilt. “I’ve been away on a case. I wanted so badly to be here to meet you for coffee but…”

“The nature of the beast.” You shrugged. “You’re here now.”

“I got you a coffee.” He held one of the cups out toward you. “White chocolate Frappuccino with an extra shot of caramel.”

You felt a flutter in your stomach as you took the drink from him.

Not only was he extremely easy on the eyes, but he was also incredibly sweet.

You thanked him for the drink as the two of you started your walk towards Quantico together.

“I made a start on the book.” You spoke as you walked, giving him a sideways glance.

“Oh yeah?” He looked back at you, eyes full of curiosity. “How are you liking it?”

“I’m only a few chapters in but I really like it so far.” You nodded with a sip of your drink.

“It only goes up from there.” He smiled shyly before tearing his eyes away from you.

“Where did your case take you?”

“Arizona.” He sipped his coffee. “Family annihilator.”

“Ouch.” You pulled a face. “I’ve been working on an internet auction fraud case all week. I haven’t been out in the field in months.”

Spencer glanced sideways at you and you saw a look in his eyes you hadn’t seen on him before. You weren’t sure what it was until he spoke.

“You were injured.” He spoke softly as you neared the building.

“Is it that obvious?” You sighed a little.

“I’m trained to pick up on things like that. You walk with the slightest hint of a limp.”

“I was working undercover about six months ago. During the course of the investigation I found myself in a…tricky situation.” You smiled in thanks as he opened the door for you. “A drug deal went bad. The clients brought guns and I was shot in the thigh. I had to be extracted and the whole operation went south. We haven’t been able to get close to them since and I’m still on desk duty.”

The elevator doors opened and you both stepped inside. Spencer pressed the buttons for both of your floors.

“I've been there. Literally. I was also shot in the leg in the line of duty once.”

“How long were you out of commission?”

“Several months. It was hard.” He gave you a sympathetic smile.

You rode the elevator in silence after that until it came to a stop on your floor.

As you were heading out, you turned to Spencer.

“I love that colour on you by the way.” You pointed to his shirt. “Purple is my favourite colour.”

“Mine too.” Spencer grinned but a slight blush was spreading to his cheeks.

“Hopefully see you tomorrow?”

“God I hope so.” Spencer breathed just as the doors closed and you disappeared from view.

He had a dopey smile on his face all day after that, already eagerly anticipating your next encounter.

***

They weren’t pulled away on a case and Spencer was able to meet you at the coffee shop the following morning.

He beat you there again, waiting for you on the sidewalk with your Frappuccino and a bouquet of purple flowers.

“Are they…for me?” You felt tears well in your eyes as you approached him.

“Yeah.” He chewed his lip awkwardly. “I hope you like them. I thought they could brighten up your desk.”

“Thank you, Spencer, I love them.” He handed them and your coffee to you and couldn’t help but get up on your tiptoes and place a gentle kiss on his cheek.

When you pulled away, he was blushing furiously, gnawing on his bottom lip.

He looked at you as though you hung the moon. No one had ever looked at you like that.

You started walking side by side, discussing the book he’d leant you as the sun peaked out from behind the morning clouds.

There was something so comfortable about being around Spencer. He was so easy to talk to and you loved every moment of your morning walks to work together.

Over the coming weeks, whenever Spencer wasn’t pulled away on a case he would meet you at the coffee shop.

You traded books back and forth and discussed them on your walk to the office.

He brought you flowers twice more. Once he brought you chocolates.

You talked about everything together, feeling so comfortable with one another despite the fact you only spent, on average, seventeen minutes with each other at a time.

He told you about his mom and what it was like growing up and dealing with her illness. He told you about his dad leaving, about being a child genius and even about being tied naked to a flagpole in high school.

In return you’d told him about your own family who lived out west and you saw on all the big holidays. You told him about your childhood which was far less torrid than his own.

You talked about your teams, what it was like working for your respective departments, and every other topic under the sun.

You loved your time with Spencer but after a month or so you were starting to wonder why it wasn’t becoming more.

You flirted with him a lot. You were pretty certain it went over his head most of the time. You always asked him what his plans for the weekend were and made it clear that you didn’t have any yourself in the hopes he might get the hint but he never did.

Or maybe he did and he just wasn’t as into you as you thought he was?

It was possible you’d misread his kindness for attraction. Maybe he brought everyone flowers and chocolate? Maybe he was just a really nice guy.

But your seventeen minutes wasn’t enough for you anymore. It pained you every time you had to part ways when the elevator stopped at your floor.

You wanted more and it was obvious Spencer was never going to be the one to make it happen.

That morning you got to the coffee shop early to ensure you’d beat Spencer there and ordered both of your drinks.

You dressed in your favourite purple shirt and tight fitting slacks and applied a little more make-up than usual.

He met you on the curb outside the shop with a bright smile just for you.

“Hey, you never make it here before me.” He chuckled a little as you handed him his drink.

“My train was actually on time for once.” You shrugged.

You noticed him giving you a once over for a second before you started walking.

“You look…different.” He observed.

Different. That wasn’t exactly the description you’d hoped for.

“In a bad way?” You glanced at him.

“No, no.” He shook his head. “Just…different is all.”

You felt a bit disheartened but you tried to ignore it.

You chatted about the newest book he’d given you as you walked but your mind was on other things.

You were trying to build up the nerve to ask him out but every time you went to say something to that effect, the words got caught in your throat.

Because what if he turned you down? What if it ruined whatever weird friendship the two of you had struck up? Was it worth losing that?

You rode the elevator up together and the doors parted on your floor.

You said goodbye and stepped out onto your floor.

You turned to look at him and he was giving you the sweetest smile and it made your stomach swarm with butterflies.

And you knew what you had to do.

You put your arm in the way so the doors couldn’t close, chewing your lip as you hurried out your words.

“Maybe we can get coffee sometime further away from here?”

Spencer’s eyebrows knit together.

“I mean we’d have to get up earlier but I guess we could? Do you not like that place?”

“What? No! That’s not what I meant. I meant, maybe we can get coffee sometime when we aren't on a deadline, you know?”

Spencer’s eyebrows furrowed deeper.

“As in…not on a day we have work?”

“Exactly.” You smiled.

“Uh…yeah. Sure.” He was still frowning and his words didn’t sound all that convincing.

You sighed and stepped back from the doors.

“My uh…I wrote my number on your cup. I’ve got to go.” Feeling completely mortified you scurried away thinking you’d probably completely ruined whatever it was between the two of you.

Once the doors were closed Spencer looked down at the hand written number on the side of the cup wondering how he hadn’t noticed it before.

He was deep in contemplation, completely startled when someone cleared their throat.

He spun around to see Blake standing sheepishly in the corner of the elevator.

“I think she was asking you out.” Alex’s expression was amused.

“H-how long have you been there?” Spencer glared at her.

“I got on with you.” She chuckled. “You were too wrapped up in your conversation to notice.”

Spencer felt his cheeks burning self-consciously.

“She wasn’t asking me out.”

“Trust me, Spencer. She was most certainly asking you out.”

His blush deepened and he started retreating into the corner of the elevator just as the doors opened on their floor.

Alex went to step out but was surprised when she felt Spencer’s hand gently wrap around her wrist.

“What do I do, Alex?” He whined a little.

She gave him a soft smile, nodding her head in the direction of his coffee cup.

“I’d start by calling her.” She laughed a little and then she continued out of the elevator, leaving Spencer reeling from the morning's events.

***

Spencer paced the length of his motel room, periodically exhaling loudly.

His phone was his hand, your contact details on the screen.

Your number felt like it had been burning a hole in his phone all day. He’d tried so hard to focus on the case they were working on but his mind had been clouded by thoughts of you.

Alex had covered for him several times today when Hotch or someone had asked him a question and he’d offered only a blank expression in reply.

His mind had been abuzz with thoughts of you.

Was Alex right, had you really been asking him out? And if you had, why?

You were practically perfection personified. Spencer thought you were the most enrapturing woman he’d ever met.

But he was bumbling and awkward and nerdy. There was no conceivable reason in his mind why you would ask him out.

But nonetheless he had your number and it was only polite he did something with it. And Spencer was nothing if not polite.

He continued pacing and hit the call button, putting his phone to his ear and holding his breath while it rang.

It rang three times before you answered and your effortless voice breathed down the phone, “hello?”

“Uh…hi.” Spencer suddenly stopped pacing. “It’s Spencer. Spencer Reid. From the FBI. The BAU. At Quantico.”

Your wonderful laugh filled his ears.

“I got it at Spencer.”

“Right of course.” He shook his head, mentally scalding himself. “How are you?”

“I’m good, thank you. How are you?”

“I’m good. We’re in New York for a case, might be away for a few days.” He started pacing again.

“That’s a shame. I’ll miss you for our morning coffee dates.”

Spencer’s stomach fluttered. Were you flirting with him? It felt suspiciously like you were.

“That’s kind of what I was calling about. Coffee.” He ran his fingers through his hair, trying to calm his racing nerves.

“You were calling about coffee?” Your voice was so breezy it made his heart soar.

“Yeah. You mentioned getting coffee.”

“I did.” You smiled as you spoke.

“Well, I propose that instead of coffee, we get dinner.” He held his breath, awaiting your answer. He didn’t have to wait long.

“That sounds lovely.”

“R-really?”

“Yes.” You laughed.

“You do realise I mean together. Both of us at dinner, at the same table.”

“I hoped so.”

“Ok.” Spencer allowed himself to smile. “Ok great. I’ll call you when I’m back and we can arrange something.”

“I can’t wait.”

There were a few moments of silence that followed where Spencer didn’t know what else to say but he also didn’t want to hang up the phone.

Just the idea that you were on the other end was enough for him and he could have stayed doing this all night.

But of course that would just be weird.

“Uh…Goodnight then.” You spoke after a little while and Spencer couldn’t help but feel a little deflated at the thought of the call ending.

“Right yeah, sorry. You’ve probably got plans or something. I’ll let you go.”

“No, nothing like that. I was just going to read.” You chuckled lightly.

“Oh. Ok.” Spencer chewed on his lip. “Did you maybe want to…talk a little while?”

“I’d love that.”

You and Spencer spoke on the phone until the early hours of the morning. You loved every second of listening to him talk, especially when he got particularly excited about a topic and would become animated and talk so fast you struggled to keep up.

A few times you laughed until your sides hurt. Every second was magical. You were both reluctant to hang up even after all the hours you’d talked for but you both needed some sleep.

And hopefully it wouldn’t be too long until you were face to face again.

***

Spencer was so eager to take you to dinner he’d called you late the night before he was due to leave New York to see if you’d be free the following evening.

Your only other plans had been a long soak in the tub with a glass of wine and book, you knew which you’d prefer.

You’d agonised over what to wear and settled and on a cute purple summer dress you hoped Spencer would love.

He was already waiting for you on the street outside the restaurant when you arrived, dressed even smarter than he usually was somehow.

His face broke out into the biggest smile when he saw you and it made your heart melt that someone could be that excited to see you.

“Hey Y/N.” He stepped closer to you slightly hesitantly.

“Hi Spencer.” You felt your stomach flutter with butterflies as he looked at you as though you were the only person in the world.

“I missed you.” You both spoke in unison which caused you both to laugh.

Spencer awkwardly fiddled with his tie whilst scuffing the toe of his shoe on the pavement.

“Should we uh…go in?” He shrugged looking a picture of nerves.

“Please.”

Spencer tentatively placed his hand on your lower back and led you towards the door of the restaurant.

He used his free hand to open the door and pushed it open, guiding you inside.

It was a cute little boutique French place, no bigger than your living room and dimly lit for ambience. You actually lived in the neighbourhood and passed it several times, always curious about it.

There was no denying it was an extremely romantic venue. You never dreamed someone would want to take you here.

You toyed with the strap of your bag as Spencer talked to the hostess in fluent French for a few seconds before he turned back to you with a smile.

“If you’d like to follow me.” The hostess spoke now in English, and Spencer guided you with a hand on your back again to follow her.

“You speak French?” You whispered as you walked.

“I can get by.” He shrugged, not wanting to brag and go in about all the languages he could speak.

She led you through the small dining area towards the back and through a thick curtain.

Behind the curtain was a private table set up away from other patrons with a candle and flower arrangement in the centre.

You looked around in awe and slight confusion as Spencer held your chair out for you. You slowly sat down, chewing on your lip as he sat opposite you.

“Can I get you some wine?” The hostess asked as he slid his jacket off.

“Do you like wine?” He looked at you, his eyes illuminated by the candle in such a magical way.

“Red, please.” You nodded.

Spencer perused the wine menu briefly before choosing a bottle and soon the waitress was leaving back behind the curtain.

You were still looking around, feeling tears springing to your eyes.

“I don’t actually know anything about wine.” Spencer chuckled a little nervously. “I just picked one that sounded the nicest.”

Your eyes landed back on him, large and wide.

“W-what is all this? H-how did you…w-why did you…?”

“My friend Morgan used to date the hostess. He pulled some strings for me. I hope it’s not too much.” His cheeks burnt, feeling like he might have gone too far.

But you smiled, shaking your head.

“It’s perfect.” You breathed. “No one’s ever gone to so much trouble for me, is all.”

His face fell and his hand quickly found yours on top of the table.

“That’s inconceivable.” He frowned a little. “You deserve the world.”

You blushed furiously looking away from him briefly before looking back at him.

He looked at you like you were the only person in existence. He looked at you as though he could fall in love with you any second.

You might just let him.

“You’re too sweet.” You replied shyly as the waitress brought your wine and poured you both a glass before leaving soon after.

“I just wanted our first date to be perfect.” He kept his hand on yours and used his free one to pick up his wine glass. “Not that…I mean…I hope I’m not being presumptuous calling this date! I just meant that…I…uh…”

You laughed, causing his words to die in his throat.

“I’m fairly certain this is a date.” You giggled, calming his nerves.

“Ok. Good.” He smiled, squeezing your hand gently. “You look absolutely beautiful by the way. I should have said that the minute I saw you but you rendered me a little speechless if truth be told.”

“You have that effect on me too.” You confessed, feeling your cheeks burning.

You felt giddy as he looked at you, like some kind of teenager with her first crush. You felt light headed and if you were standing your legs would surely be too wobbly to hold you up.

Spencer made you feel things you’d never felt before. Even if you only usually spent seventeen minutes together.

There was an air about the two of you. There was something that told you this was the start of something incredible.

You fell into comfortable conversation. Spencer spoke animatedly with his hands when he was excited about something and you adored every second of listening to him talk.

And equally when you talked he listened with the kind of attentiveness you’d never experienced before.

By the time dinner was over you knew it wouldn’t take much at all for you to fall head over heels for him completely.

***

He walked you the few blocks back to your apartment and the conversation continued.

When you reached your building you were both slightly downtrodden that the night was over.

He stuffed his hands in his pockets, looking awkward as he scuffed his shoe on the pavement again.

He wanted nothing more than to kiss you, but he didn’t want to push his luck. He didn’t want to scare you away.

“I had the most wonderful time tonight.” You smiled softly at him.

“Me too.” He removed his hands from his pockets and tucked his messy hair behind his ears.

The two of you looked at each other for a moment, wondering what happened next.

You swallowed your nerves and came closer to him, getting up on your tiptoes so you could place a gentle kiss to his cheek.

You heard a soft whimper leave his lips at the contact.

As you pulled away, his hands cupped your face and you saw him take a deep breath before he pressed his lips to yours.

You sighed into the kiss, wrapping your arms around his neck and holding him close to you.

His hands were so large they engulfed your face and his lips were slightly chapped but felt amazing nonetheless.

You dared to cautiously part your lips and gently ran your tongue along his bottom lip. He responded in kind by parting his own lips, allowing you to deepen the kiss.

It was everything you’d always dreamed of from a kiss. The whole world around you melted away, the only thing that mattered was Spencer and his lips on yours.

You were both out of breath when the kiss ended and Spencer was smiling at you in the most incredible way it made a shiver pass up your spine.

He let go of your face and stepped back a little.

“Just when I thought the night couldn’t be any more perfect.” He blushed.

“I had a truly wonderful time.” You agreed.

“I’ll see you for coffee in the morning?”

“I can’t wait.” You nodded, slowly turning towards your building.

When you reached the door you looked back over your shoulder to see him still watching you. You gave him a shy smile before forcing yourself inside.

That night you fell into a peaceful sleep and dreamt of Spencer Reid.

***

Spencer was running late to work the following morning, sweat gathering at his temples as the elevator made its painfully slow ascent.

He’d waited for you for half an hour at the coffee shop but you hadn’t shown up.

Eventually he had to leave or he’d be really late. He ran the few blocks as fast as he could while trying not to spill the remains of his coffee.

Now in the elevator he tried to catch his breath, but it was hard to do when a weight felt as though it was pressing down on his chest.

It was probably just a case that you were late this morning and didn’t have time for your regular coffee stop. He knew first hand how unreliable the trains could be.

But, and maybe it was Spencer’s pessimistic nature, it felt like more than that. He thought you’d had a great time last night together, had that all been in his head?

Had the easy conversation and the laughter and the incredible kiss been all his imagination?

He decided to text you, hoping that might alleviate some of his detrimental thoughts.

📲 Y/N Y/L/N: Hi Y/N, it’s Spencer. I hope everything is ok, I missed you at the coffee shop this morning. Anyway, hopefully I’ll see you tomorrow.

An unnerving sensation washed over him. He didn’t feel good about this. And he was sure it went deeper than his usual pessimism.

***

By the third day you still hadn’t shown up for your usual coffee mornings and Spencer still didn’t have a reply to any of his eight text messages.

He’d even tried calling you a few times, but each time it went through to your voicemail. He couldn’t bring himself to leave a message.

At lunch time he excused himself from the office telling Emily he was going to grab a sandwich from the nearby deli. He actually took the elevator to the tenth floor.

He was playing with the strap of his satchel as he awkwardly shuffled towards the front desk feeling like he might be crossing some kind of line in being here.

The man behind the desk looked up as Spencer approached with a slightly disarming frown.

“Are you lost?” He asked, frustration evident in his voice.

“Uh…no. I don’t think so.”

“You don’t think so?”

“N-no.” Spencer felt extremely uncomfortable. “I uh…I’m looking for someone. Agent Y/L/N.”

“I think you must be lost.” The man grumbled as though he wanted to be doing anything else in the world than talking to Spencer. “There is no Agent Y/L/N that works here.”

Spencer’s brows furrowed as he looked around. Had he gotten the wrong floor?

“This isn’t the TOC?”

“It is.” The man folded his arms now.

“Oh.” Spencer was spiralling into confusion. “Agent Y/L/N definitely works for the TOC. Could you maybe check for me?”

“I don’t need to check.” He spoke pointedly. “We’re a small team. I know all the agents who work here. And I have never heard of Agent Y/L/N.”

Spencer suddenly felt like the walls were closing in on him. The man behind the desk either had a great poker face or he was telling the truth.

But if the latter were the case, how could that be? He’d seen you get off on this floor more times than he could count, you spoke about your job at the TOC all the time.

It had to be some kind of mistake? It just had to be.

“I-I don’t understand.” Spencer croaked, feeling dizzy. “I’m sure she works here.”

“And I’m sure she doesn’t.” He rolled his eyes just as the phone on the desk started ringing. “Excuse me.”

Spencer watched him pick up the phone and start talking down the receiver.

He stumbled backwards, trying to comprehend what had just happened.

But he couldn’t make any sense of it and that was a new feeling for Spencer. He could usually make sense of everything.

His brain was muddled, nothing making sense and somehow he ended up back at his desk.

For the rest of the day he struggled to concentrate or anything that didn’t directly pertain to you. And before he left for the day he found himself making a pit stop at Garcia’s office.

“Everything ok, G man?” She frowned at the troubling look on his face.

“I need a favour.” He croaked, his voice trembling.

“Anything for you.” She motioned him closer and he slowly stepped across the room until he was behind her.

“I need you to look up a file for me. Her name is Y/N Y/L/N and she’s an agent. At least I think she is.”

Garcia gave him a skeptical look. Of course it wasn’t the first time one of the team had asked her help with something personal but Spencer never had. Not even once.

She knew if he was asking to utilise her skills to find someone, it was someone very important.

“You know I’d help you with anything, giant brain.” She tilted her head up at him. “But can you give me some kind of sprinkle of information as to why you want me digging into a fellow agent?”

Spencer exhaled an extremely long and loud breath before he was telling Garcia everything.

He regaled her with every detail from your first meeting in the coffee shop to your dinner date and all the seventeen minute increments between.

Garcia was smiling sympathetically when he finished, fingers already working on the keyboard.

“Go home and get some rest, Reid. I’ll do some digging and I’ll have everything I can find ready for you in the morning.”

Spencer thanked her and slumped out of the room.

He didn’t know what he expected Garcia to find but he had to try something.

***

Spencer had an extremely fretful night's sleep. In the morning he went by the coffee shop again, just in case, but you didn’t show.

When he found his way to Garcia’s office he could tell by the look on her face whatever she’d found wasn’t good.

“I’m sorry Spencer,” she hit a key on her keyboard and her multiple screens sprung to life.

He was met by a file photograph of you but all the text that should be there was blacked out, redacted in its entirety.

“I d-don’t understand.” Spencer frowned.

“Not even my amazing skills can cut through this kind of bureaucratic red tape. She is an agent. But that’s as much as I can tell you. I’m so sorry.”

Spencer stared at your image on the screen. None of this made any sense. He was more confused now than he’d ever been. What did an agent have to do to get their file redacted this way? Someone didn’t want anyone reading your file.

“What does this mean?” He croaked feeling his lungs empty of air.

“It can mean any number of things. None of them are particularly good.”

Spencer’s stomach turned and he felt suddenly nauseous. Was it possible you weren’t the person he’d thought you were? Had you been lying to him this whole time?

Was he a complete and utter idiot for falling for it all?

He thanked Garcia and stumbled from her office as though he’d been sucker punched.

Even his impressive brain couldn’t make sense of all of this. And Spencer hated when he couldn’t make sense of things.

But he’d have a whole lot of time to contemplate it because it would be a really long time before he saw you again.

***

Two Years Later

Spencer had to learn how to go about his life in the wake of your sudden departure. He had to try and forget about you and go back to his life before you were in it.

It shouldn’t have been as hard as it was. In reality the two of you had never spent that much time together, you’d only gone on one date. But Spencer had quickly grown accustomed to having you in his life and he found it harder than he should have to just let the memory of you go.

He continued going to the coffee shop every morning for three months, when he wasn’t away on a case.

Not once did you show up and honestly he was never surprised. He knew at this point he’d never see you again but he couldn’t help but cling to a tiny glimmer of hope that this was all some kind of misunderstanding.

But he knew better than that. And eventually he stopped going to the coffee shop in the hopes of seeing you and simply went because it was a routine for him.

And then after three months, he just stopped going altogether.

It took a lot longer than three months for him to stop thinking about you on a daily basis. But over time he thought about you less and less frequently until one day he stopped thinking about you entirely.

Eventually you’d just become a distant memory of a woman he used to know.

He wasn’t sure when he started going to the coffee shop again. It hadn’t been a conscious decision, it just sort of happened one day. His train was early and he needed coffee and he had time to kill so he found himself waiting in line in the familiar shop.

And after that he started frequenting it more often. Not every day, but once a week or so he would stop by for his morning fix before walking alone to Quantico.

He stood by the window thumbing through his book, glancing up occasionally in the direction of the counter.

That time when he looked up the barrister nodded at him, so Spencer hurriedly tucked his book away and weaved through the people towards the counter.

The barrister handed him his drink and he thanked her before carrying it out onto the street.

He’d taken three steps away from the coffee shop when he took his first sip.

The intense sugary liquid stung his tongue and he pulled a face, groaning as he glared at the cup like it would have the answers.

The flavour swirling around his taste buds brought back a distant memory. He’d experienced this before. He would know that sweet yet bitter taste anywhere.

White chocolate Frappuccino with an extra shot of caramel.

“I think our drinks got mixed up. Again.”

He spun around at the sound, heart thudding hard against his rib cage.

You granted him a half-smile, holding out another cup in his direction.

Without a word he took the cup from your hand and returned your drink to you. His hands were shaking slightly and he hoped you didn’t notice.

He took you in subtly. Your hair was different and your eyes held a kind of sadness he didn’t remember seeing in them before. You had an almost world weary look about you.

“Should I go?” You chewed your lip with a shrug.

Spencer continued to stare at you. There were so many things he’d thought about saying to you over the years but they all died in his throat.

“I should go.” You nodded, swallowing the lump that had formed in your throat. “It was nice to see you.”

Spencer watched as you walked past him and continued down the street in the direction of Quantico.

His head felt as though it had been stuffed with cotton wool. He couldn’t think of a single useful thing to say or do. A part of him wasn’t even sure you were really there at all.

But he had to say something. He couldn’t let you just vanish again without knowing what the hell had happened.

“Where did you go?” He suddenly called after you and when you turned back to him, he was jogging over to you.

You fell into step together as you continued down the street.

“I got called in early the day after our date. My unit chief had an urgent case. They’d found a way in to an underground sex trafficking ring that has been operating and evading capture for year. She found an in, and she wanted me to go undercover to help infiltrate it.”

“Undercover.” Spencer pinched the bridge of his nose.

Of course, it made sense. The TOC often worked undercover and he knew you’d been undercover before but that had never even crossed his mind. What was the point of having a stupidly high IQ if he brain stopped working when he needed it most?

“Yeah.” You chewed you on your lip, glancing at him as you walked. “It was effective immediately. I wanted to call you but I couldn’t. It was time sensitive. It was sensitive in every sense of the word.”

That would explain the security measure. It explained why when he asked about you the receptionist had lied and told him you didn’t work there. It would explain why your file was redacted.

Why had he of all people not drawn these conclusions?

“When did you…when did you get back?” He made it sound like you’d been on vacation.

“About a month ago. I was given time off, I needed to be psychologically evaluated before I was signed off to go back to work. Today's my first day back.”

He looked over at you, your facial expression saying all the things you’re words didn’t.

“I can’t even imagine what you must have been through.”

You shrugged, plastering on a smile.

“It was for the greater good. We got the ring leaders. They’re going away for a long time.”

He noticed the sparkle that used to be evident in your eyes was gone. Your smile didn’t seem genuine. He wondered what horrors you’d had to face and if you’d ever really get over that.

“I’m glad you’re back. I missed you.” He confessed.

“I missed you too. But uh…after everything I’ve been through these past two years, I’m just trying to get back to normality, to remember who I really am, you know?” You glanced at him again, his face told you he knew what you were saying.

“It’s ok, Y/N, I get it. Trust me.” He smiled at you and it made your heart melt the way it always used to.

You nodded and then the two of you fell into silence as you walked the rest of your route. It wasn’t quite such a comfortable silence as it had once been.

You really had missed Spencer. You thought about him every single day you were undercover. Some days the thought of him was the only thing that allowed you to hold on.

He’d done more for you than he would ever know and maybe one day you’d be able to thank him for it. But right now you just needed normal. The last thing you needed was to throw yourself into a relationship that psychologically you weren’t ready for.

Throwing yourself into Spencer’s arms at letting him help you work through your trauma would be easy. But it wouldn’t be fair on either of you.

He held the door open for you and your stomach twisted into knots as you stepped back into the Quantico headquarters after so long away.

You had to be ready for this. You needed to come back.

In the elevator Spencer pressed the buttons for your respective floors and you stood in silence again.

There were so many things you both wanted to say but nothing seemed good enough for the current situation.

There were infinite words in the English language but somehow Spencer didn’t think any of them were going to help. Whatever you’d been through had clearly changed you and he needed to take a step back and let you deal with it without his feelings for you getting in the way.

Life was a truly cruel mistress.

The elevator seemed to travel slower than usual today and the tension in the small room was palpable.

You kept glancing at Spencer, your eyes falling instinctively to his lips as you replayed your one and only kiss over in your head much like you’d been doing for the past two years.

The memory of that kiss had been a lifeline for you. You spent so long under an assumed identity and every day little pieces of the person you really were had slipped away. But that kiss kept you anchored.

At night when you crawled into your cot in the room surrounded by several other women, you would close your eyes and run your fingers over your lips.

If you concentrated hard enough you could still feel Spencer’s lips pressed against you.

When he looked up at you he saw your eyes trained on his lips and he swallowed the lump that formed in his throat at the thought of your lips on his.

Your eyes flicked up to meet his and your cheeks both reddened instantly.

You giggled slightly, feeling like that light headed, giddy teenager you had on your first date.

Spencer laughed too, shaking his head.

“Spencer?” You whispered after your laughter had subsided.

“Yes, Y/N?”

“I really did miss you.”

Somehow you must have stepped closer to him and now you were right in front of him, close enough to reach out for him if you chose.

He kept his arms pinned to his sides, desperate not to cross the line you’d created.

“I missed you too. I really missed you.”

And with that you placed your hands on his chest, got on your tiptoes and placed a gentle kiss to his lips.

Spencer’s arms snaked around you, pulling you closer while deepening the kiss almost immediately. It was different from your first kiss. It was more passionate, hungrier and desperate.

It was two hopeless, lost people coming together in a moment of sheer longing.

The elevator came to an abrupt stop and the doors parted, causing you to jump back from Spencer.

You stepped backwards, keeping your eyes on him as you backed out of the elevator.

“I really do need some time, Spencer.” You sighed a little, hoping the kiss hadn’t given him some kind of false hope.

“It’s ok, Y/N.” He smiled at you, toying with the strap of his bag. “I already waited two years for you, I can wait a little longer.”

You smiled back, feeling tears obscure your vision.

“Thank you, Spencer. You really are so sweet.”

He waved a hand at you as if to brush off your compliment, his cheeks burning furiously.

“See you tomorrow hopefully?” He leant back against the elevator wall.

“I hope so.” You nodded just as the doors started to close and Spencer slowly disappeared from sight.

He exhaled and closed his eyes as the elevator started moving again. His lips tingled from your kiss and he knew from experience that they would for a while.

Spencer was sure, more so now than ever before, that he was in fact in love with you. Just one brief meeting with you again ignited those feelings inside him he had long ago shut away.

You made everything feel as though it was going to be ok just with your mere presence. Your existence in Spencer’s life was more important to him than anything.

He could wait for you. He had no intention of rushing you or pressuring you with his own agenda. He would wait patiently until you were ready to take the next step, until you were ready to be something more.

And until then, seventeen minutes would be enough.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Taglist -

All ships & genres -

@muffin-cup @andiebeaword @measure-in-pain @takeyourleap-of-faith @spencers-dria @sassymoon

@sexy-dumpster-fire

SR x reader all -

@frickin-bats @dreatine @adoringanakin@dr-spencerr-reidd @sleepretreat @spenxerslut @sweetandsunny @bellaswanismysoulmate @mcumorningstar @dontcallmekittens

@kuolonsyoja @radtwinkie @drayshadow @lytrc

@nani-2305 @rainsong01 @this-is-doctor-and-its-calm @safespacespence @shemarmooresfedora @pastelbabygirl19 @matthew-gray-gubler-lover @people-whatabunchofbastards

#cmbingo22 #spencer reid #spencer reid fluff #spencer redi fanfic #spencer redi fanfiction #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid x y/n #spencer reid x you #criminal minds fluff #criminal minds self insert #criminal minds fanfiction

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esther-dot · 3 years

Note

I just saw a few Jon/Dany scene gifs and I gotta say. The most chemistry those two had was when he stabbed her. I'm sorry but it's true. Every time those two were trying to be romantic on screen it was just awkward. PAINFUL to watch even without the sound. How did D&D write such a bad romance? What was the point of writing it so badly and doubling down on it in interviews only to have it come off so unconvincingly?

I don’t think what they wrote and allowed Kit to act was an accident. In fact, Bryan Cogman was on Twitter defending D&D when HBO was doing their GoT marathon this year, and he said that every performance was crafted by D&D, so if we liked it, the credit was theirs. We know they would intervene and give actors instructions that didn’t make sense at the time but would in hindsight (according to EC). So, imo, there’s no way they didn’t notice that Kit looked at Gendry like this

and over the course of two seasons never once made Jon look happy around Dany. Look at his eyes in this gif, think about his interactions with Tormund, Davos, and Sansa in s7. When he wasn’t visibly annoyed with Dany, his face was very flat in comparison to those scenes. And, knowing that D&D would get what they wanted from actors whether they understood it or not, our options are that Kit delivered his side of the romance (I think EC made it clear Dany was infatuated) and they cut it for lolz, or unenthused Jon was what they wanted to give us. I don’t think D&D intended to (or believed) they delivered an epic romance.

Interviews are meant to sell a product, and for actors, to further their careers, D&D often used them to defend their decisions. Considering how self-contradictory D&D were, I think there must have been a lot of shit going on behind the scenes that altered their original plans. Or, perhaps they knew they could never make it clear what the real story was because Dany was too popular a character. Who knows. I hated jxnerys, but they should have committed to making it compelling and there were certainly ways of doing that. I’m with you in that it makes no sense for them to maintain something in interviews when we all watched the show and know better. Even jxnerys shippers said it felt like ultimately Jon didn’t care about Dany much/it was just a one night stand to him, which is simply, not something you can rest the finale of a show on.

I gripe about what they did to Jon/offer a way they could have written jxnerys better in this answer, but personally, I will always think D&D were implying Jonsa and were actually going for it at one point, and changed their minds last minute and that’s why Jxnerys was written/acted the way it was. Before s8 came out, D&D made a playlist and said, “The answer to the ending is one hundred percent hidden in the playlist choices” (link), and below are some lyrics from “Girl from the North Country,” one of those songs:

Please, see if her hair hangs long If it rolls and flows all down her breast Please, see for me if her hair's hangin' long 'Cause that's the way I remember her best

I'm a-wonderin' if she remembers me at all Many times I've often prayed In the darkness of my night In the brightness of my day

So, if you're travelin' in the north country fair Where the winds hit heavy on the borderline Remember me to one who lives there She once was a true love of mine

The playlist had a lot of Dark Dany songs, wolf songs, songs about power, really clear stuff if you knew about the Starks being the heroes and Dany being the final baddie. Of course, everyone argued about what was what, but several Jonsas pointed out that this song had to be a Jonsa song (no other girl would fit the lyrics, no other guy was potentially in love with her), but if it was, it meant that Jon would be parted from Sansa in the end. That was said before s8 premiered. Like the promos, the songs painted a more compelling picture of what the final season would be than what was eventually delivered, but I think if we ignore the interviews and think about what made it to our screens, the implication of it all was pretty clear.

#ask dot

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gingit-cake · 3 years

Text

Running Gallavich Playlist

Curated by a middle-aged person who came of age in the ‘90s, for Showtime and fictional Gallavich. :)

It’s been a while! Two more, links forthcoming:

Bruises, by Chairlift - “bruises on my knees for you” - yeah you do boys

Pretty Great, Fickle Friends - Mickey singing this, for any fic where he’s met Ian and it’s been unforgettable fireworks but also a drunk/fleeting blur - “…the only thing that I refuse to forget is when you said I was the fucking best”

Wildest Dreams, Taylor Swift - Memories following after Ian and Mickey split up at the US/Mexico border in S7. With bonus gif set I’ve dreamed off for this! by @ianngallagher

Father Figure, George Michael - Dom-top Daddy Ian! (Ok, maybe this is more Fan Fic Ian than Showtime Ian)

No Hard Feelings, The Avett Brothers - featured in the fic By and By by @nowherenj (who is definitely over me mentioning this! lol) and my new anthem to get me through my next 40y.

Like Real People Do, Hozier - I mean, you don’t need this explanation right? @gallavichy writes one of my MVP Ian’s (I think all of ours.)

King of Wishful Thinking, Go West - this is actually a pretty terrible song, but it’s fitting for S6 Ian

Lyin’ Eyes, The Eagles - this one is perfect for all the fics where Ian is married to some rich remote “geriatric viagroid” but gets involved with Mickey

Got til its Gone, Janet Jackson - S8 Ian, or should I say Gay Jesus and his sublimated reasons for blowing up a van? (Obsessed with Janet, see this playlist just for her!)

Touch Me in the Morning, Diana Ross - S7 of course, fitting after the van for Mickey, wondering if he’ll see Ian again, and for both of them after they separate at the border.

Supernova, Liz Phair - Gallavich heat through and through: “your kisses are as wicked as an F16 and you fuck like a volcano and you’re everything to me”

Flagpole Sitta, Harvey Danger - Ian obviously

Possession, Sarah McLachlan - S3 Ian, 3.7 - 3.11, on repeat and weeping into his pillow

On the Radio, Donna Summer - I heard this in the car this morning and got caught up in an imaginary scene of S6-7 Mickey working in the prison laundry, where the civilian employee who supervises the incarcerated men loves 70s R&B and disco and plays this one a lot. Despite himself, Mickey finds himself absorbing the lyrics, “things are not the same since we broke up last June...[but] tune right in you may find the love you lost” and starts plotting his reunion with Ian, whatever it takes. :) (I made a playlist based on this headcanon!)

Tangled Up in Blue, originally a Bob Dylan song, but I’m partial to this live cover by the Indigo Girls. I read that Dylan said this song took ten years to playout and two to write. When you really dig into the lyrics you can see how much it covers their relationship.

A Case of You - this version by Joni Mitchell, evocative of the scenario where Mickey is Frank to Ian’s Monica, in fact the lyrics seem written for S5 where Debbie goes to Mickey and tells him he can’t drink Ian away:

I met a woman She had a mouth like yours She knew your life She knew your devils and your deeds And she said, "Go to him, stay with him if you can But be prepared to bleed"

We Found Love, Rhianna - club Ian needs to move his body to this, preferably no longer a dancer and just there for pleasure with Mickey

So Much to Say, Dave Matthews Band - “I say the hell is the closet I’m stuck inside“ - Mickey in S3-S4 - “open up my head and let me out” - at The Alibi, obviously

TBC as I think of more songs. What would you add?

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luke-skywalker · 4 years

Text

Mike aka captainpoe is talking shit about me so let me get things straight.

He’s gonna do screenshots of what will makes him look like the victim, like he always does so you will have to believe me on my words (since I coun’t found our conversations by pm) but most people who know me or I've been following me for a long time know that I usually stay out of the drama. Big thanks to my friends for telling me what he was doing behind my back like the adult he is.

3 years ago Mike started following me, I was back then a small blog and I thought “wow a big blog is following me!”

He started to talk me and really fast told me to send him my edits by messages and I did! he also reblogged me on his mcu blog (and his sw blog too... I think).

I was really stressed with a big exam around July and I became obsess with EVERYTHING, I was a true pain in the ass to everyone. I’m not gonna lie. So yeah I also became obsess with my Tumblr notes, I did gifs to relax but it was not working very well back then. my behavior was childish and I apologized to him after!

(He accused me of wanting to be reblogged on his sideblogs, it’s true, but it’s natural to me to reblog everything that people send me or tag me in on my sideblogs, I sincerely don’t understand people problem with reblogging on sideblogs things ).

When he got harassed on here, more like called out (it was actually around the same time I was a dick) he asked me to take his defense and to reblog a post he made, he was basically whining about how he was the victim and never harassed anyone, he sent me messaged telling me that he was a married man in florida and never did anything against the once upon a time fandom, wasn’t homophobic and meh meh meh... Back then I believed him because he was the nice guy who was helping me getting notes in the MCU fandom. He used me, after talking to other members I realized that I wasn’t alone.

I WANT TO APOLOGIES TO THE POEPLE I DIDN’T BELIEVED BACK THEN. I KNOW WHO HE IS NOW.

He started being aggressive but nothing worriedly when TLJ came around, it was a real little thing but I wasn't shipping Rey x poe and I felt like it was problem for him that I wasn’t shipping them. I didn't thought too much about it but still, it left a bad taste in my mouth, I wasn’t talking a lot to him after that.

When I had problems and got hate on my blog he didn't do shit to help me.

I was still sending me my edits because... Notes. I can’t lie about that, like every creators here I want my edits to get notes.

I think we haven’t talked for a verrrry long time, I was sending my edits that’s it.

Last year he asked me to join my GOT blog, after all the reblog he did for me I thought It would be really bitchy to me to not add him as a member. But I also noted that it was funny how he joined both the B99 and the GOT fandom once he realized that it was very popular.

He did edits on the blog so no problem at all, until s8 ended. I’m like everybody, I hated that season but when someone join my sideblogs, especially my got one, I am very clear about the no hate rule (I had problems with that on this blog before). But he thought that since he was popular he could do what he wanted, I deleted the two first he reblogged, one of them was calling people to harass D&D and I hate what they did but as someone who has been victim of bullying at school and still suffer from that I was disgusted by what he posted but I haven’t told him anything since he’s really popular and I didn’t want to create any drama... I have a life so I finally forgot about it.

My laptop broke and gosh, I really understood who he was at that moment! I sent a messages to all the members of my sideblogs asking them to keep the blogs active while I can’t, normal stuff for an admin. I had my tablet with no photoshop... spidey got “fired” and like a lot of other people I thought about that scene in iw where Tony told him “you’re an avenger now”, lucky me I have already made that gifset before so I took my tablet and just reposted my own gifset, it took me so long because I had to convert it back to gif format because of Tumblr... Anyway, later he sent me a message accusing me of having copied him and I haven’t seen his gifset so told him exactly that. He then accused me of doing that ALL THE TIME with endgame and I told him “listen bro we’re both using the same 30 seconds YouTube clips that marvel gave us”, like 20 other people (they were not a lot of people because that channel was weirdly unknown), it’s true that I was doing them after him but it’s just because I have a life and cannot always do gif, I make them when I have time. He also basically told me that I must be rich for having replaced my laptop that fast, I haven’t, I was using my tablet but even if I did replace my laptop, mêle toi de ton cul ( I have no English expression coming to me ).

I really understood who he was then.

He totally stopped making edits for my got blog, because it stopped trending so it wasn’t interesting him anymore.

a few months past and I think the only thing he told me is that he was scared of clowns... Literally.

And then the BIG ONE, I know he was a douche but omg. Mike asked me to reblog ALL his posts on a sideblog I'm only a member of. He told me that the admin have blocked him because she was shipping reylo and well reylos hate him because he’s posting shit on them , they were a huge misunderstanding then (because i’m French and I may not have explained myself right) , I told him that I wouldn’t reblog him if the admin didn’t want to see his posts on the blog, he was blocked! and I was, at the same time, talking to another member of this blog who is a close friend of the admin and she agreed with me. he was very insisting and I told him that the admin was checking what we add to the queue and would certainly delete his posts, it was the big misunderstanding that could have hurt the admin of the blog, I just meant I know she checks what’s happening because she told me when I don’t tag a post with the right tags, it’s just what a good admin (unlike myself) does. I also told him that it was a new blog with “only” 14k followers, he must have something like 50K followers sooooo, and that his edits were getting 100K notes, more than anybody here. He became... I have no words to describe that. He told me that it was a dictatorship if I couldn’t reblog what I wanted, and that I should leave the blog, I stopped answering pretty fast after that.

In our last conversation I was vulgar. (it’s in the post he sent to my friends), he really need to get over it, I’m French and from Normandie : I am vulgar! wtf. It’s also the last thing he ever posted on my game of thrones blog. It was a Sunday either two days after after the last star wars movie came out or ten days ( I don’t remember if he waited a week or not) but he reblogged a text post from his blog sending hate toward the writers of both got and sw and spoiled the entire Star Wars movie on my game of thrones blog, which was “the drop of water that caused the vase to bleed” like annoy me all you want but when people goes on my got blog they don’t want to be spoiled, it was so rude and mean and that post had nothing to do there and it was at least the third time so I told him to “fucking stop” and since mr thinks he is the king he went all “you can’t talk to me like that” “I'm an adult” meh meh meh. I told him to never go in France ‘cause he wouldn't like us. And it was the last time we spoke. Nothing to do directly with me but I would never do what he does to get notes, that man he’s ready to use any big events such as pride or women’s day to get notes. I do make edits for those events too but I'm actually a bisexual woman and not an heterosexual man and I really don’t think he’s doing those edits to show his support to those movements but just to get notes, this year he did the same thing with blm movement I thought it was disrespectful at best, he even made the famous “I we burn you burn with us” gifset from the movie and no, just stop dude. Making that gifset of Naya before she was even found was awful, a lot of people are doing gifs to feel better about things but I don’t think it would have came to anybody else mind to have it ready in their draft. It actually make me think of myself because after they died I made a gifset of Carrie Fisher and Stan Lee and in my head it was a tribute but now that I think back about it I wouldn’t make gifset when people dies anymore, I said it once again but in my head it was a tribute to those wonderful people life and work. I did to feel people and myself a little better in those situations but it didn’t makes me feel better. I thought about it even more, especially for Carrie, because I couldn’t stop thinking about Billie and losing my mom is the worst thing that could happen to me. You can say that, at the end, Mike makes me realize something.

He has been calling out for his behavior but instead of facing it like an adult he just want to take people down instead of him, I'm one of them and I certainly won’t be the only one. it’s someone who doesn’t know how to face the consequences of his behavior and still think he’s untouchable, me and one of my friend said that he thought he was the king of Tumblr and I sincerely think that in his head he is.

Sorry for the grammar I'm French and it’s almost 4 am so I'm gonna check the grammar tomorrow.

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tsnbrainrot · 3 years

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Top 5 destiel moments?

first of all, i love it when you guys enable me ❤︎

and now bearing in mind that i still haven’t seen s8-11 or s14-15 (i’m getting There), that i’m basing my answers on what i’ve seen & out of context gifsets & also my random mood today and that it is all bound to potentially change:

(in no particular order)

the mixtape scene. i mean everything about it makes me fucking insane from the fact that dean winchester made cas a CASSETTE TAPE which is a. an obvious romantic gesture and b. takes a lot of time and effort to the fact that he did it in an obvious romantic narrative parallel to his parents’ meet-cute ?? to cas’ reaction to discovering it’s a Gift that he should Keep....... just....... dean Making Sure cas knows he should keep it but also refusing to maintain eye contact while doing so. something about the mortifying ordeal of being known etc etc. and the scene goes on with dean saying cas can’t just vanish because ‘we were worried. that’s not okay.’ i mean OOF.

‘what’s the matter? you don’t think you deserve to be saved?’ cas really said i see all of you so there is no point in Hiding 2.5 seconds after meeting dean.

‘the very touch of you corrupts. when castiel first laid hands on you in hell he was lost.’ this is the single rawest line of dialogue i’ve ever seen/heard in my life and i need to take a turn around the room AND my fainting couch just after typing it just now. like..... THE VERY TOUCH OF YOU CORRUPTS ????????????????????? WHEN CASTIEL FIRST LAID HANDS ON YOU IN HELL HE WAS LOST ??????????? we just gonna have those not even subtle queer analogies out there in the open ??? like ?????? are the writers of cw’s supernatural okay ???? this fucks so hard i can’t even ... look at it..... head..... on.

the love confession ??? like.... cas just put It All Out There and he really said i see everything you think is wrong inside of you that makes you think you are unworthy of love and i Refute it. and i’m supposed to just carry on with my day ???????? no.

i mean the entirety of the lily sunder episode but that bit at the end where ishim is like ‘i’m going to cure you of your humanity by cutting it out’ or whatever and goes straight for dean. and dean being unwilling to blast the angels away because cas is injured and he doesn’t want to risk it. like... i had not seen s12 as of the airing date of the spn finale and i have now watched this episode 3x. am i okay ? no. does it have a little bit to do with my crush on female!vessel cas? maybe ???? but the point stands.

bonus:

‘i prayed to you cas. every night.’ oh just bros looking for their bros in purgatory for a year while praying to them every single night. just casual little friendship things. fellas is it gay to pray to your guardian angel you have a very obviously charged friendship with every single night ????

every time cas heals dean. like... SCREAM. love is stored in the hurt/comfort etc.

the prayer scene in s15 where dean breaks down that i still haven’t seen video of because every time i see a gif of it i have a nervous breakdown so im clearly NOT READY for the proper scene.

all the Charged Looks between endverse!cas & endverse!dean. like.... misha and jensen made Choices and those choices say apocalyptic destiel are having a fucked up and emotionally charged Affair.

i mean, every time they break brainwashing/possession/whatever else through the Power Of Their Love. it’s disgusting that it’s even happened more than once. like... have i Watched the castiel conversion therapy arc ? not really and if i have it was so long ago i don’t remember it. does it still make me absolutely feral ?? yeah. Yeah.

dean breaking down while praying to chuck to Bring Cas Back in s13 & him wrapping cas’ body & his face at the funeral pyre. and really the entirety of the Widower Arc. jackles did the Most uh.

when cas threatened dean to throw him back in hell in their second scene on screen together and it’s supposed to be scary but they literally look 2 seconds away from fucking and i, as a viewer, feel both horny and like i’m Intruding?

whatever castiel’s face was doing when anna kissed dean right in front of him. like... now that it’s Canon he’s in love with dean i can safely say my guy was Feeling All of His Feelings and had zero percent the Human Ability to process them yet and it’s DELIGHTFUL. like cas my guy you are JEALOUS but also you didn’t REALISE IT. and the way it’s framed too with that shot back at him like.... who the fuck directed this and can i send them a fruit basket ??? misha collins really came to this show with a Castiel Thesis and his thesis was ‘this angel is in love with dean winchester’ and then he spent like... 10 years acting accordingly and honestly? respect.

actually im gonna stop now because i’ve just realised i’m starting to do a deancas show recap kdjfnkjdg

ask me my top 5/top 10 anything

#about moi #spn #deancas #destiel #this was FUN #and again #every interaction between them is like... Iconic #ask me tomorrow and those answers would prob be different #lexasqueen

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canonicallysoulmates · 3 years

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Hey! You can feel free to ignore this since it is a big ask but. As someone who dropped off the show by s8 and doesn’t really care about following the big plot points, can you recommend to me all the good Sam & Dean episodes that have happened since? (Not just angst or drama even, even just episodes with funny little moments or details?) I am like, solely here for these two being codependent and soulmates and not much else. <3 (Sidenote: thank you for your tagging system!)

Hi! Sorry it’s taken me so long to reply to this; as you yourself said this was a big ask, lots of episodes to go through and remember but hopefully you’re still interested in my answer.

Now the following are not every episode where there’s a brother moment for example the s8 premiere had a great brother hug where the boys reunite, episode 3 of that same season drew parallels between the boys and a couple, if I remember correctly, but those episodes are not included on the list because I didn’t just wanna recommend every single epi that had a brother scene just because it had a brother scene. I took into consideration if it had moments, what they were, enjoyability of the episode and if the moment or moments were big enough to make a bad episode worth recommending, I don’t wanna recommend something to you without thought and have you spend an hour of your life just to see and enjoy a flash in the pan moment you can enjoy just as much or more through gifs and clips.

In complete transparency I will also add that I did this mostly from memory so there is the chance that an episode with good moments slipped through the cracks and for that I apologize.

I don’t know at what point of s8 you stopped watching or if you stopped before the season so I am starting this with s8.

Season 8

Episode 4: Bitten. This epi doesn’t have a ton of moments or even a big one but it does have two students saying Sam and Dean give off workplace-romance vibes, and I’m a sucker for the boys being compared to or thought of as a couple.

Episode 10: Torn and Frayed. Not gonna lie, not the biggest fan of this episode, but it does have the brothers choosing each other over Benny and Amelia so….

Episode 11: LARP and the Real Girl. I said it before in another post that to me this is the turning point of the season for the better, and it has the boys having fun.

Episode 12: As Time Goes By. I wouldn’t call this one a Sam and Dean episode as in SamandDean packed with brother moments but we and the boys get to learn more about their legacy as Winchesters so if that’s something you’re interested in...

Episode 14: Trial and Error. This one has emotional brother moments with Dean wanting Sam to be safe and have a normal life and Sam asking Dean to believe in him, and praising him.

Episode 17: Goodbye Stranger. To be honest, I don’t remember if this epi has other brother moments but I am solely recommending it because this is the one where Dean learns the trials are making Sam sick and at the end there’s a scene where he tells Sam to let him help carry the burden.

Episode 19: Taxi driver. Great epi filled with protective!Dean, he kills Benny to save Sam, a beautiful brother hug.

Episode 20: Pac man fever. They argue like a married couple and Dean’s fear is shown to be losing Sam.

Episode 21: The Great Escapist. Pretty much the whole episode has little moments of Dean taking care of Sam.

Episode 23: Sacrifice. “Don’t you dare think that there is anything past or present that I would put in front of you!” This is the ‘if you watch nothing else from this season’ episode to watch. If you watch nothing else from the s8 sections of recommendations, watch this one, it has one of the best, most emotional Sam and Dean moments in the show’s history.

Season 9

Episode 1: I think I’m Gonna Like It Here. “I made you a promise in that church. You and me, come whatever.” “There ain’t no me if there ain’t no you.” I live for the codependency and for these two going to extremes to save the other including tricking into letting an angel possess the other’s body, and I refuse to apologize for it.

Episode 5: Dog Dean Afternoon. Okay, I’ll admit this one definitely falls more under the fun episode type but it does have Dean being all worried about Sam, clutching to him and threatening to lick his face if he doesn’t wake up.

Episode 7: Bad Boys. We learn more about young!Dean and see him choosing Sam over having a normal life.

Episode 15: #THINMAN. This one is an angsty one and not just because it’s the last time we see the Ghostfacers, this takes place after everything goes to shit in the boys relationship with Sam finding out about Dean’s betrayal and it contains parallels to what Ed and Harry are going through in their relationship, a protective worried Sam over Dean possibly being killed (which let me tell you is delicious to witness after all the angst and Sam acting like he doesn’t care about Dean anymore), and a bittersweet moment of the boys reminiscing about their past.

Episode 16: Blade Runners. This one is being recommended because it has some protective!Dean and because Sam being Dean’s Colette bringing him out of his MOC induced rage.

Episode 23: Do You Believe in Miracles?. The “I’m proud of us” moment, need I say more.

Season 10

Episode 1: Black.

Episode 2: Reinbach.

Episode 3: Soul Survivor. These three episodes are all being recommended for the exact same reason they have demon!Dean, and Sam going crazy trying to save him/find him. Plus, Soul Survivor has demon!Dean following Sam around the bunker.

Episode 4: Paper Moon. It has a flashback showing us just how far Sam was willing to go to get Dean back plus some emotional conversations between the boys.

Episode 5: Fan Fiction. I know people who like this episode. I know people who hate this episode. Personally, I think it has its good parts, it has some brother moments and some nods to wincest.

Episode 12: About A Boy. This one also falls more into the category of fun episode with Dean being turned into a teen, but it also has some good brother moments.

Episode 14: The Executioner’s Song. The fight scene between Dean and Cain was amazing and it has Dean collapsing into Sam’s arms.

Episode 18: Book of the Damned. Love this episode, this epi is probs the best example as to what I enjoyed the most about s10; usually we see Dean being codependent and going to extremes to save Sam but during this season we see the opposite and this episode really highlights that with Sam telling Dean he can’t lose him, telling Charlie he understands hunting is his life but he can’t do it without his brother, going behind Dean’s back and seeking help from Rowena to try and save him.

Episode 19: The Werther Project. More Sam being desperate to save Dean, protective!Dean, and Dean saying he and Sam are stronger together than apart.

Episode 23: Brother’s Keeper. Sam and Dean literally choose each other over the world and Dean kills Death over Sam.

Season 11

Episode 4: Baby. One of the best episodes, just our boys, the open road and all told from Baby’s POV. A must watch in my book.

Episode 8: Just My Imagination. The last flashback episode we ever got - *hits 15.16 with a shovel* like I said last flashback episode we got; it’s fun, has good Sam and Dean moments, we learn more young!Sam, Sam gets some love and praise, the boys wore cozy sweaters, good epi.

Episode 10: The Devil in the Details. It has protective!Dean and Lucifer point out to Sam that he and Dean have chosen each other time and time again because they can’t stand to lose one another. What can I say, I like when the codependency is brought up.

Episode 11: Into the Mystic. Here’s the thing with this episode, I have become sort of embittered towards it due this being the introduction of a character with whom there is an attempted romance in s15 which I heavily dislike but I can’t deny that before that I really did like it, it has some good brother moments and it has Dean telling Sam he forgave him for not looking for him in Purgatory which is major.

Episode 15: Beyond the Mat. Another epi on the fun list, mostly being recommended because it has the boys having fun and that’s something we rarely get to see.

Episode 16: Safe House. Protective!Worried about Dean!Sam!

Episode 17: Red Meat. What can I say about this iconic episode? It's one of the best episodes in the series, absolutely soul crushing, codependency times 1,000. Have tissues with you when you watch it because you will sob your heart out. They turned Sam and Dean into Romeo and Juliet but better.

Episode 20: Don’t Call Me Shurley. Regardless of what a certain showrunner ended up doing to the character I do still love this episode and it has some great Sam and Dean content with Dean preferring to possibly die with Sam, telling him he’d never leave him and the return of the Samulet.

Episode 23: Alpha and Omega. Emotional brother hug, Dean saying he and Sam need each other.

Season 12

Episode 5: The One You’ve Been Waiting For. I’m gonna be honest, I don’t remember much of this episode other than I enjoyed it and that it had some fun moments between the boys.

Episode 9: First Blood. I’m truly only recommending this because it had, Badass!Winchesters.

Episode 10: Lilly Sunder Has Some Regrets. Funny thing about this episode was it was supposed to be all about C but it ended up being enjoyable and filled with little Sam and Dean moments including some protective!Sam.

Episode 11: Regarding Dean. Jensen’s acting in this episode is next level, and it is filled with little brother moments.

Episode 18: The Memory Remains. The only reason I am recommending this one is because it’s the one where the boys carve their initials on the table which was a major moment.

Season 13

Episode 8: The Scorpion and the Frog. Another fun episode that’s filled with little Sam and Dean moments.

Episode 11: Breakdown. For so long I talked about Dean being Sam’s knight in shining armor it’d be wrong for me to not bring up the episode where it happened. Also, Dean tells Sam he’s there for him.

Episode 12: Various and Sundry Villains. It had some fun brother moments.

Season 14

Episode 4: Mint Condition. Fun Hallooween episode with fun, little moments. Absolutely loved this one.

Episode 11: Damaged Goods. This isn’t really a Sam and Dean episode, or at least I don’t consider it one but the ending scene between the brothers where Dean tells Sam he’s the only one that could have changed his mind about throwing himself into the box was beautiful.

Episode 12: Prophet and the Loss. The brother hug to end all brother hugs. Absolutely amazing episode, packed with brother moments including what’s probably the best brother hug, will sing its praises till I die and then I’ll continue singing them in the afterlife.

Episode 13: Lebanon. The 300th episode. It has some moments between the boys as well as some touching scenes of the boys with their dad.

Season 15

Episode 4: Atomic Monsters. Is this partially on the recommended pile because Jensen directed it? Yes but nonetheless it’s a pretty good epi that while not super packed with brother moments does have them. (Also, this is the last season and I’m sad to report we are scraping the bottom of the barrel trying to find Sam and Dean content in this dessert.)

Episode 11: The Gamblers. Good brother moments and the boys get called heroes which I love.

Episode 13: Destiny’s Child. The sole reason I am recommending this episode is for AU!Sam and Dean, they are the funnest thing this show has done in a while.

Episode 14: Last Holiday. While this doesn’t really have Sam and Dean moments with the exception of Sam telling Dean he should have called him to let him know he was in trouble, it does have the boys being taken care of and getting to have some fun and that’s something we so rarely get to see that I am including it.

Like I said, this is not a definitive list of every single episode that has Sam and Dean moments there’s episodes like the most recent one, 15.17, that had a beautiful moment between the brothers but I didn’t list the epi here cause I don’t think it’s necessary to watch the whole episode for it when it can be seen and enjoyed just as much by watching it through a clip. Which while I don’t recommend the whole ep I do highly recommend looking up the end and seeing the brother moment; point is, similar to 8.01 or 15.17 there were other episodes that had moments that weren’t included due to seeing the whole epi not being necessary to enjoy the moment.

#i didn't wanna just recommend without thought so this took a long time #and i put a lot of work into it #ask #sam and dean #spn related #emblian

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norahastuff · 3 years

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I'm just so sad ;( I really wanted Cas to hear he's loved from one person at least before the show ended. I didn't even care if Dean added BuddyBroPal after saying he loves him. Its just one thing I wanted from SPN's final season and I was so sure we'd get it cause Dean's been holding it in from s8. Now there's no more chances left...

Dude trust me I feel you. It’s all I wanted too. Just some kind of acknowledgment of any kind from Dean. The thing is we’ve gotten it in the past many times. Dean has shown us how important Cas is to him. We’ve seen him worry, struggle, grieve, lose all hope, not to mention, regain hope when Cas comes back to him. We’ve seen him react differently than Sam because Cas means something very different to him than he means to Sam. We’ve seen Dean question why exactly that is, why it’s different with Cas, he just never got to answer that question. Dean didn’t get to answer any questions in the finale because he was reduced to being a supporting character with no internal sense of self whose personality reverted to loving Sam. And sure that was a big part of who Dean was, but it definitely wasn’t all of him.

I genuinely think that’s where almost all the problems stem from. If they were going to end the show with, Sam and Dean only care about each other, the end, they were invariably going to stomp on a lot of character development, because that’s not who these characters had become by this point in the story. There had been a lot of painstaking work done to show who Dean really was, what he wanted and the relationships he had built outside of Sam, primarily with Cas, and by erasing Dean having any kind of reaction or feelings to the monumental sacrifice Cas made for him, as well as the things he said before he died...well it just felt very disingenuous and not at all like the Dean we’ve been watching on our screens for so long.

Even if they didn’t want to be explicit about Dean’s feelings and even if they wanted to keep the rest of the episode as it was, it would have been so easy to have a moment that acknowledged how Dean felt. Have him pray to Cas when he’s on that long-ass boring drive in the forest. He knows Cas is there, and he literally has nothing else to do. Just a basic “Cas have you got your ears on?” It could even be a silent prayer that culminated in Cas showing up with a “Hello Dean!” Just a moment with Cas where they both acknowledge that he matters and is important to Dean. I know I’m using the word “acknowledge” a lot but honestly, that’s because that’s all I really expected from the finale when it came to their relationship, and we didn’t even get that.

It just feels particularly frustrating because of how much Cas’ arc is tied to love. Learning how to love, expressing that love...I mean Cas has told everybody that he loves them. Repeatedly. Mary, Sam, Jack, Dean, he’s told them all. And yet out of all the main characters, he’s the only one who never heard it back. That felt like a deliberate hole in the story, that by the end of his arc would be fixed. Especially when you couple it with his final little speech to Jack when he told Jack he mattered and that they all loved him because of who he was as a person and not what he could do for them. Cas never got to hear anyone say the same about him.

I wish he had.

Now with all that being said, let’s look at Cas’ story as we actually got it. The angel that fell from grace, the one with too much heart, the one with a crack in his chassis that had the potential to be something so beautiful. A crack that he healed with love. Cas’ story has always been about love. About learning how to love, about understanding his own capacity for love and the power that it can have.

I know there was that crack post going around about Dean stabbing Cas in 4x01 and the gif from Fleabag of her saying “This is a love story,” but honestly? I always thought Cas had a very similar story to Fleabag. Spoilers for that show follow, so if you haven’t seen it, I beg of you - go watch it now! It’s phenomenal.

Fleabag’s arc was to stop hiding from her capacity for love. Like her father told her “I think you know how to love better than any of us, that’s why you find it all so painful.” The culmination of her arc came when she was able to tell the man she was in love with that she loved him. His response wasn’t the point. She actually stopped him at first when he tried to respond. She just needed to say it. She needed to acknowledge what she felt, to accept it. Only then could she be truly free.

That’s exactly what happened with Cas. He accepted himself and how powerful his love could be, and that’s beautiful, I truly think it is. The problem is, there were two more episodes after Cas had his epiphany and spoke his truth. There was another main character involved that was inextricably linked to his confession. Logic and cohesive storytelling dictate that there should be some follow up to such a major moment. Since there wasn’t, it’s hard to feel satisfied with Cas’ story because it just feels unfinished. And yet at the same time, he’s the only one whose characterisation and story stayed consistent until the end.

He lived for love, he died for love, he was resurrected for love. Even though the finale seemed completely uninterested in really addressing it, he was in heaven with his family and Dean, a heaven that he helped to create because of all he learned from Dean. The implication being that they would see each other again and Dean would inevitably have to face Cas and address all of this.

I only wish we’d gotten to see it.

#asks #love and...love #my spn thoughts #oh cas #Anonymous

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bau-rookie · 3 years

Text

finally got around to watching more of S8 and initial Maeve thoughts:

(yes i know her name, i’ve seen gifs of her but i know nothing else so pls don’t spoil)

i am very intrigued, but also confused on how im supposed to feel abt this arrangement.

there’s obviously something more going on than spencer is hiding a ‘girlfriend’

the spencer/alex blake moments about this are so good tho. alex linguistically deducing her way through spencer’s act. and her not sharing spencer’s secret!!

i want to see more of spencer and blake in general

i get that they’re trying to set up this idea that spencer and maeve are connecting on an intellectual level, with them not knowing what the other looks like

but im sorry ‘when i studied the mri you sent me, i said to myself, this is a guy i need to get to know’ is arguably the creepiest thing in an episode where an unsub is cutting off people’s legs

like she looked an image of a brain and was attracted to it?? im exaggerating lol, it’s just a weird image to me

speculations about Maeve’s deal: first thought was she has a stalker/serial killer after her? witness protection?

second, because it’s a Spencer arc... schizophrenia? or some form of a paranoid delusion? Maeve just thinks that someone is after her, and she’s in danger when she isn’t.

none of my theories completely make logical sense. like if she was in witness protection, spencer probably wouldn’t be able to contact her at all. and im not an expert on mental illness, but i don’t think schizophrenia would mean she would have this delusion and be lucid enough to give spencer a geneticist’s opinion on things

they’re definitely setting up a deeper Mystery™️ and im hooked, i just want to know what’s going on!!

also as someone who was deeply obssessed with reading all of Conan Doyle’s works when she was 11, the Sherlock Holmes motif is making me go 👀

Spencer did strike of a Sherlock Holmes-esque character when i first saw him, esp when they made those edits of him big braining his way through a case in s1. He’s a genius with a solid memory, with a knack for deduction and solving crimes.

Personality wise, Spencer and Sherlock are nothing alike, so it’s interesting to see the writers want to draw parallels more overtly now

i mean they did give him a drug problem except you could blink and miss it since they did it so poorly the same way Arthur Conan Doyle gave Sherlock a cocaine addiction

iirc, the book they show Spencer reading, The Sign of Four, was the first time Doyle explicitly shows Sherlock to be an actual drug user. He vividly described him picking up a vial and syringe and shooting himself up. And Holmes justifies it as being only a ‘seven-percent solution’ meant to stave off boredom and escape the world, like it’s not a bad thing.

It makes me wonder how Spencer, a rehabilitated drug addict, would react to reading that scene. idk man, i hope he would’ve somehow gotten a heads up about it!

is Maeve recommending Sherlock Holmes to Spencer because that’s who he reminds her of??

i have half a mind to reread all of Sherlock Holmes, or at least the ones they showed on screen, to write an essay on the thematic significance and any more spencer/sherlock parallels i can find

#criminal minds #charlie watches criminal minds #maeve donovan #spencer reid #alex blake

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dawnquafam · 3 years

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FINE after months of seeing you reblogging stuff about dc shows i have decides to cave in and watch them so how many shows are there, what are they called, and in what order should I watch them? how dare you make me curious via gifs and enthusiasm

JOIN ME IN MY JOY AND SUFFERING (also this is gonna be a Lot more than what you were probably expecting, bear with me lol)

Ok, so there are seven shows: Arrow, The Flash, Supergirl, Legends of Tomorrow, Black Lightning, Batwoman, and Superman and Lois. That list is in order of premiere date (though Flash has a backdoor pilot in Arrow 2x08-2x09, plus the intro of two other leads in 2x19; Legends has its backdoor pilot in the 2015 crossover; Batwoman in the 2018 crossover; and Clark and Lois had a few appearances in Supergirl and a couple crossovers before Superman and Lois, but there was no official backdoor pilot), so if you wanna take it by oldest first and watch one show at a time, that’s your watch order.

(Little note: I think Black Lightning technically didn’t become part of the Flarrowverse until the titular character’s cameo in last season’s crossover, and since this season is its last, I don’t really know how much that counted for. It’s the one show on that list I never got into, so I can’t say much about it. Additionally, Supergirl s1 was on a different network, so her involvement started off a little funky, but she moved to the CW for s2, so in s3 she was fully integrated.)

However, as you've probably guessed by now, this universe is very interconnected. There’s plenty of minor crossover like references and cameos, a couple smaller crossovers and those backdoor pilots, and then every season (except this year for obvious reasons) there’s a big universe-wide crossover. So watching one by one like that might not be the best way to do this.

The big crossovers are as follows (with the eps listed in watch order):

2014 - Flash 1x08, Arrow 3x08 2015 - Flash 2x08, Arrow 4x08 2016 - Supergirl 2x08, Flash 3x08, Arrow 5x08, Legends 2x07 2017 - Supergirl 3x08, Arrow 6x08, Flash 4x08, Legends 3x08 2018 - Flash 5x09, Arrow 7x09, Supergirl 4x09 2019/20 - Supergirl 5x09, Batwoman 1x09, Flash 6x09, Arrow 8x08, Legends 5x01

(Additionally, The Flash and Supergirl have a couple crossovers of their own: Supergirl 1x18, with a tiny follow-up in Flash 2x17, and Flash 3x17, with a little lead-in from Supergirl 2x16. There might be others between the other shows, but if there are, I’ve forgotten them lol)

The 2014 one started things off pretty small and simple, but, as I mentioned, 2015 was Legends’s backdoor pilot, and they only got bigger and more involved from there, up through the 2019/20 crossover bringing about Arrow’s ending and leaving lasting repercussions throughout the Flarrowverse. I didn’t start watching Supergirl until s3 was over, so you can miss out on a show or two and still enjoy and understand what’s going on for the first few years at least, but once you hit that 2017 crossover (maybe even the 2016 one), if you’ve only seen one or two of the shows it would probably really start to detract from your viewing experience. So I think I would recommend this:

Start with Arrow s1-2. You could probably throw in Superman and Lois too, if you wanna get that going since it’s only got 2 eps rn (it airs Tuesdays) - the pilot opens with a recap of their story, and I don’t recall any references to the other shows yet, so you should be fine. But from then on, I’d take it in half seasons - watch each show up to the crossover, then watch the crossover, then finish out the seasons, adding in each show as it premieres. For example, once you finish Arrow s2, watch Flash 1x01-1x07 and Arrow 3x01-3x07, then the crossover, then keep going with the rest of their seasons. It makes binging more complicated, but more background knowledge on the shows and characters makes for fewer spoilers (though if you’re jumping in based on everything I’ve reblogged, you probably already know plenty of spoilers lol) and a more enjoyable viewing experience.

That leaves you with a watch order something like this:

-Arrow s1-2, 3x01-3x07; Flash 1x01-1x07; optional Superman and Lois s1 -2014 crossover (Flash 1x08, Arrow 3x08) -Rest of Flash s1, 2x01-2x07; rest of Arrow s3, 4x01-4x07; start Supergirl s1 here if you want -2015 crossover (Flash 2x08, Arrow 4x08) -Rest of Flash s2, 3x01-3x07; rest of Arrow s4, 5x01-5x07; finish Supergirl s1, 2x01-2x07; Legends s1, 2x01-2x06 -2016 crossover (Supergirl 2x08, Flash 3x08, Arrow 5x08, Legends 2x07) -Rest of Flash s3, 4x01-4x07; rest of Arrow s5, 6x01-6x07; rest of Legends s2, 3x01-3x07; rest of Supergirl s2, 3x01-3x07 -2017 crossover (Supergirl 3x08, Arrow 6x08, Flash 4x08, Legends 3x08) -Rest of Flash s4, 5x01-5x08; rest of Arrow s6, 7x01-7x08; rest of Legends s3-4; rest of Supergirl s3, 4x01-4x08; start Black Lightning s1-2, 3x01-3x09 here if you want -2018 crossover (Flash 5x09, Arrow 7x09, Supergirl 4x09) -Rest of Flash s5, 6x01-6x08; rest of Arrow s7, 8x01-8x07; finish Legends s4; rest of Supergirl s4, 5x01-5x08; Batwoman 1x01-1x08; finish Black Lightning through 3x09 -2019/20 crossover (Supergirl 5x09, Batwoman 1x09, Flash 6x09, Arrow 8x08, Legends 5x01) -Rest of Flash s6-7; rest of Arrow s8; rest of Legends s5-6 (7 hasn’t premiered yet); rest of Supergirl s5 (6 hasn’t premiered yet); rest of Batwoman s1-2; rest of Black Lightning s3-4; and finally Superman and Lois s1 if you waited for them

Which I know looks like a mess, but it’s probably the closest thing to watching all of them together as they air. Granted, I don’t know how well this works, because I’ve been into this universe since Arrow was the only show and have watched most of the others from day one, so I’ve never really had to catch up like this. So if there’s another, simpler way you wanna watch, go for it! Whatever works best for you. This universe is worth the effort of getting caught up.

The one thing I would not recommend in any watch order: Don’t start with Legends. Not only is the 2015 crossover its backdoor pilot, the majority of its original cast started as side characters in Flash and Arrow. You’ll be missing a lot of backstory if you jump in there. Every other show has largely original characters, but in its first couple seasons, Legends really built on what Arrow and Flash started.

(Additionally, if this affects anything for you: Batwoman and Superman and Lois will never be on Netflix. (American Netflix, at least, not sure about internationally.) Every season of the older shows is/will be there, but due to the debut of HBO Max, the two newbies got different deals.)

#i am absolutely open for more asks or messages if you have questions #i realize that was a big info dump lol #flarrowverse #dawn answers stuff #willlatree

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alyblacklist · 4 years

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Hi! First of all I wanted to thank u for the fantastic quality gifs that u post of Keenler, ur hard work is very much appreciated! I’m new to this fandom (binged watched it in 3 months & currently watching s7) The chemistry of keenler was just very apparent to me since 1x04, and to me it feels like the writers keep adding more details to them, like “caring & killing” for each other. Now as I’m digging more into the ship I was shocked to find out that Lizzington is more popular, how/why is that?

Hi anon. First, thank you for your kind comments. I love making Keenler gifs! I agree that I felt the chemistry between them very early on - Keenler is what initially drew me into to the fandom. We definitely had some painful seasons in the middle when they barely shared the screen, but I feel like their relationship has really blossomed in a positive way these past two seasons and I’m very excited to see what’s in store for them in S8!

In terms of why one ship may be more popular than another at times in this fandom, I don’t pretend to be an expert on why people ship as they do other than to say that the heart ships what the heart ships. Honestly, my perception of the fandom at large (rightly or wrongly) is that there are more non-shipper fans in general than shippers of any persuasion once you move off the platforms like Tumblr that tend to draw mainly shippers. But Lizzington has always had a large presence on the platforms where shippers congregate, and I suspect the popularity of the ship has a great deal to do with the popularity and magnetism of James Spader himself and by extension of Red, who is hands down the most popular character in the show. The nature of his character and the mysterious nature of his relationship to Liz also offers a lot of opportunities for fan creativity, and is generally a more unusual ship than can be found on your typical show, whereas Ressler and Liz’s relationship as partners is a more common type of ship pairing across many shows.

I think it’s fair to say that the popularity of all the ships has waxed and waned over the seasons in direct relationship to what is happening on screen in a given season. For example, the early seasons were great for Keenler, but then the back half of season 3 and seasons 4 and 5 they barely shared the screen and many shippers gave up. I think it’s a lot easier to get past that as a bingewatcher than watching those seasons play out in real time. Lizzington has certainly had its ups and downs too between a whole season of “daddy” and all the Liz vs. Red battles and fewer quality scenes between them in the more recent seasons and some shippers stick it out no matter what and others don’t. This show certainly doesn’t make life easy for any ship. Thanks for the ask and keep digging into Keenler!

#anon #keenler

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phynali · 4 years

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I don't know if you're apart of the Supernatural fandom, but if you are, could you do a speech analysis for Dean Winchester? Thank you.

I am! I’ve fallen into (back) into SPN hell recently and gotten a ton of feels I did not expect, thank you very damn much. But anyway, yes I am happy to oblige.

Dean’s voice is very distinct, but I can see why it’s hard to grapple with for many writers because very seldom does he say what he means and very often when he does it’s wrapped up in humour or pain. It’s often quippy as a means of deflecting emotion or maintaining a status quo or emotional handle over a situation. He uses commands and charm and pop culture references but he’s a very complex character so sometimes that all disappears and he’s open and vulnerable and raw, and those lines can be hard to draw.

Notes

To understand Dean’s focal speech patterns, we first to recognize that we’ve known Dean for 15 years, and that people’s modes of speaking can and will change over time. We’re gonna focus on things that have stayed more or less consistent over time, and his ‘base’ speech patterns that make his dialogue him. I’ll mostly shy away from different eras but may highlight a few things, and the same goes for who he’s talking to because he’s pretty similar with his only major differences being a function of closeness. He’s not much of a conversational mimic so we don’t have to worry about that.

We’re also gonna state the obvious and contrast the type of conversation he might be having - whether he’s tied up or in danger vs. expressing emotions vs. focused on the job. That’s probably where the meat of this is for people who are interested in these kinds of analyses anyway :)

Also - this is 4200 words so I’m sure there are typos so just acknowledging that up front.

Sentence Style

Let’s start with overall style.

Dean’s speech is generally straightforward (when he’s not being referential) with a low proportion of adjectives and a decent amount of degree modifiers (more on that below). He uses simple sentences with clear statements, though will add clauses to clarify, reference, or add degree fairly frequently.

For example:

”Like you said” is acting here as a way to refer back to a previous conversation. Dean does this more when he’s stating something not about himself/his subjective experience, but stating an absolute (or at least something to be taken as absolute).

Also something to point out about this example: like I said he uses shorter, simpler sentences. While that isn’t always true of course, it definitely it is the case that he doesn’t tend toward long, breathless sentences. Even here he could have said this in one sentence and instead split it into two concrete points. A person could transcribe it differently (”Like you said, we’re family, and we don’t leave family behind.”) but he tends to speak in this manner that implies full stops between these separate statements.

(Later I’m gonna completely contradict myself by talking about his longer statements btw. He tends to use longer sentences in more serious conversations, and includes clauses that qualify the statement).

Declarative I-Statements

Dean uses a ton of declarative sentences starting with I. Like - a lot of people do. But Dean’s iconic quotes are often “I”, and a large proportion of his sentences are declarative sentences in the active voice centring around him, his opinion, or his experience of the world. From “I think he wants us to pick up where he left off - saving people, hunting things, the family business.” to “I think I’m adorable”, Dean likes to tell us what he thinks and what he is.

You can also extend this pattern to other sentences that might start with different words but carry the same thesis “Demons I get - people are crazy.” It could be reworded just as simply as “I get demons - people are crazy.” But if Sam were the one saying it? “People are crazy” seems just as likely (although I’d put my money on “what is wrong with people?” as Sam’s most likely statement if he were trying to get the same sentiment across). Sam would express it as an absolute about the world or a rhetorical question, rather than one focused around his view of the world. Which doesn’t make Sam less self-focused or idiocentric than Dean, but their speech patterns express different modes of seeing the world, and in some ways Dean’s vocal patterns do more to acknowledge that his view of the world is subjective (but also that his subjective view is all he really cares about anyway).

(see all the other gifs here. Think “I’m proud of us” and so many other lines. So many I-statements).

Imperative and Commands

Dean speaks in a lot of commands. Idk what else to tell you. He’s a natural leader and he takes charge of situations, so it’s just kind of a natural facet of his speech.

He does this with humour:

And without (”He asks, you answer! Then you shut your hole” for example).

Telling people what to do isn’t always met kindly, of course:

And although not an imperative sentence, he also is comfortable using speech to demand compliance:

Word Choices

One thing I like to always examine is word choice, contractions, and negation, so let’s dive in to that.

Diction

While Dean doesn’t flower up his language much in terms of verb and noun choice, that isn’t because he has a small vocabulary. I’d wager it’s a choice to being unpretentious because of the world he lives in. He never has any issue pulling out technical or clinical language:

(Also seen here: he tends to be very pithy and flippant, especially when he’s unimpressed with someone or with a situation, or wants to express annoyance and frustration. It’s his first-stop for “I dislike this”.)

We’ve seen him use words like Achilles’ Heel and describe how he made an EMF using technical language, so there’s no hesitancy to drop these terms, but for him it’s a matter of expressing what he wants to in a manner that will be easily understood by the person with whom he’s speaking.

Negation

For how he uses negation - Dean doesn’t say “ain’t” and he seldom said “[x]’s not”. His typical negation is “isn’t”.

(Not “this ain’t the Scooby Gang” and not “it’s not / we’re not the Scooby Gang”. Isn’t. And yes, the line “there ain’t no me if there ain’t no you” bugs the hell out of me for this specific reason. When else have we ever heard him say ain’t? “There is no me if there is no you” is way more in keeping with his usual negation style.)

He also negates using the word Never. “I’ve never had anything this nice.”

Like this. And like this:

This is interesting because it fits into Dean’s pattern (discussed below) of using words (adverbs and swears alike) as ways to modify the intensity of his sentences. A lot of people use qualifiers to create this sense of degree (words like “really” and “very”). While Dean sometimes uses or combines those words with others (”really freakin’ hate this”), he does something that very few people do, which is use the qualifying word ‘never’ to express an absolute quality. Most of us can’t say we’ve never done something. We might say we “didn’t” do something, but we don’t express it as absolute as “never”. Dean does. Dean makes it clear what things simply do not get to be attributed to him or are not to be counted within his sphere of existence.

(He says it under less extreme circumstances too though...)

Contractions

Dean is liberal with his use of contractions and word shortenings. I’d recommend writing his use of words like “freaking” as “freakin’” “nothin’” and so forth. Can’t, not cannot.

Gonna, wanna. You are going to want to = You’re gonna wanna. (Also “you’re gonna have to trust me”. He tells people what they’re gonna have to do a lot).

He uses other shortenings like “y’know” and “’cause” as well, when he’s relaxed at least. Like all of us, if he’s emphasizing those words he’ll enunciate fully, so try to match the contraction use to what you want to emphasize and to the tone you want to convey.

Addressing Others

I wasn’t sure what else to call these (linguists might have some idea), but I’m talking about the use of words like “man” “dude” and “y’know” (and even his “Listen Velma” above). He uses these words like we all do - to ensure the person we’re talking to is clear that we’re addressing them directly, calling them into the conversation. Dean uses ‘dude’ a frequent amount for Sam (and others) but also “Man” at times (especially when annoyed). He uses “brother” for Benny as well in S8 in the same manner.

Conversely, “y’know” tends to come up when he’s being sly or pithy. He doesn’t really use ‘Buddy’ except for strangers (but not like Sam who essentially uses it as a threat) and I can’t recall him saying ‘pal’.

Positive and Negative Words

Some generic positives: awesome, super (often sarcastic)

Some recurrent negatives: ugly, bad, douch-y

“It ends bloody. It ends bad.”

Expressing Emphasis

Look - Dean doesn’t use a lot of adjectives, but he does use a lot of degree modifiers/adverbs. One of those is “just”. “Just do [x].” “Just so you know.” Just.

(Even here, “I just”).

He also does a very neat thing with the word “Uh.” It’s used not to hesitate or equivocate, like most people might use it, but instead to increase attention to what he’s saying. A false-hesitancy which tends to both emphasize and diffuse what he’s saying a bit.

(It’s so neat!)

Swearing

There is absolutely no doubt that Dean is an avid curser. There’s an excellent 4th-wall-bending implication from 3x13 (Ghostfacers) where we see Dean (and Sam) dropping f-bombs and other swears that get bleeped out in the Ghostfacers documentary. Which allows us as the audience to realize they’re swearing all the time, but that the network doesn’t allow that kind of swearing, so we see a watered down version of their dialogue on screen.

Dean says “freaking” a lot, and I feel like we can assume that 9 times out of 10, he’s dropping an f bomb. His favourite exclamation is “son of a bitch”, but when he’s really pissed off, we get a “motherf*cker”. Seasons 4-8 his favourite thing to call people is a douche or douchebag if he looks down on them. In general my advice to authors would be not to hesitate to have Dean swear, but make sure you’re using them right.

While many swears are just exclamations or word replacement (”kicked my ass” instead of “kicked my butt”), a lot of the swearing that Dean does is specifically to increase emphasis to something in his speech. Adding in freaking/f*cking as an intensifier is probably its most common use for him.

For the record, he uses “hell” in a similar fashion. What the hell, how the hell, where the hell - etc. Expressing intense emotions via swears that increase the degree/magnitude/intensity of the statement.

(Oddly enough, although Dean will insult people casually calling them douche, etc, when he’s pressed and angry and aggressive, his insults toward people don’t become vitriolic diatribes. Threats are more common, typically without an upscale in cursing, and so is being pithy to get them mad and distracted.)

Questions, Answers, and Emotions

Okay so one thing I have to address: I kind of setup a strawman in the opening about sentence length. Because sure, Dean uses a lot of shorter and more declarative sentences. But he’s a person, which means that the bulk of his speech is just speech. While all else being equal, he uses more shorter, i-statements, and more commanding language than others, he also has conversations. He’s got a great sense of humour and a bit of an acid tongue, even under pressure, so if you’re not writing him with some some glibness or humour (even when it comes out biting, frustrated or falls completely flat) you’re probably missing something.

And often, he expresses himself in questions. This humour and glibness can come out like: "What are you, the Dog Whisperer now?" in a less strained situation, or it can come out to try to keep his feels under wraps while seeking insight:

Of course it’s not all questions. Sometimes his glibness, including for his own life, comes out in the form of answers:

He’s being serious but totally glib about life and death, having accepted his fate. (Dean accepting his own mortality is kind of also a must, especially post S1 finale).

And sometimes he expresses pain and feeling as questions without any glibness at all:

So to be clear, don’t write him as only ever using short i-declarations. Pepper those in, but remember that if he’s expressing an emotion or a vulnerability (even if he’s covering it with glibness), he’ll be using this roundabout way with questions or with indirect answers that don’t directly state his feelings but still manage to convey what he’s thinking.

Pleading

One more thing I want to touch on in this section: there are (probably surprising to some who aren’t looking) a lot of notes of supplication when he’s talking to others and feeling vulnerable. It’s very easy to think of Dean as someone who’ll never ask, never beg or plead. Because that’s what he wants you to think, because he’s the cool, in charge Han Solo type.

But Dean does ask. He pleads. He pleads to God/Chuck, he pleads to his father, to Sam, to Cass. A major difference between he and Sam is actually the situations in which they’re likely to say “please”. Sam’s likely to use it as a first response (and therefore says it waaaay more) but absolutely refuse to under duress. Dean will never ever use it as a first response, but will fall back and resort to it in the end. We could unpack what that means about their psyche, but we’re here for language.

Not too surprisingly, I’m having a hard time getting the gif search to grant me specific gifs of Dean saying ‘please’, but I can recall some instances. S1 finale, when Azazel is possessing John. First he starts with quips and pissing Azazel off, and then it’s “Don’t you let him hurt me!” and then when that fails, he begs his father to help him.

He pleads in S1 for Sam not to leave, because Sam is all he has left. He pleads with an angelic APB at the opening of S9 for an angel to save Sam. He tells Cass he needs him when Cass his pulverizing his face. “Please, he’s my brother”. Is that what he says to Lilith? Or was the ‘please’ implied there?

Here, instead of single gifs, you should get the full experience of the duress under which Dean will say please:

To God

To his dad

To his dad again

To Bobby

To Sam in an alternate timeline

And when he wants to be left alone the same thing occurs:

To his mother

To Sam

You get the idea. He doesn’t always say please. Sometimes it’s notes of supplication in his voice and sometimes it’s a somewhat desperate “c’mon man” when he doesn’t want to have to ask but he’s at the end of his rope.

(Okay final characterization note for this section - I also think Dean is probably useless against someone who looks up at him with wide sad eyes and says ‘please’ to him. I suspect part of why it’s his final defense is because he himself would be defenseless to that kind of plea from others, because he was hardwired from a young age to look after his infant little brother, and that involves a certain amount of responding to pleading and helplessness).

Pop Culture References

Dean uses a lot of highly referential language. He refers to bands and musicians, films, pop culture, current events and modern history, etc. Despite him not being overly tapped into social media (e.g., not knowing what myspace is in early seasons, among other things), it’s equally clear that he’s tapped into film, TV, music - any means through which he can consume content. This makes sense given how much driving time and downtime his life must have, with time in motels and between jobs to watch and rewatch the same media. Try to pepper in these sorts of references in as ways for Dean to describe what’s going on and relate new experiences to what makes sense to him.

If you’re a non-American writing him, or a very young American, it doesn’t hurt to brush up on music and media that were popular from the 80s and 90s, which will make up the core of Dean’s formative years and therefore references. There’s also evidence he knows a lot of pop culture history though so don’t hesitate to make references to films etc from any decade of the 20th century. He’s also a bit of a sci-fi nerd and we know he reads (including Vonnegut) so literary references are perfectly in order. I would shy away from references to historical fiction, Shakespeare, and instead keep it to genres we know he consumes (including cartoons!).

"You were wasted by a Teenage Mutant Ninja Angel?"

(ps - seriously just look at this post - we’ve got scooby doo and blues brothers and batman and I wasn’t even trying to find pop culture references when I gif searched).

Deeper Emotional Conversations

While I mentioned above that he uses questions and answers to roundabout discuss his feelings, not all chick flick moments can be handled in that manner, and many can’t be handled with glibness at all.

For Dean, directly addressing his deeper negative emotions is difficult, and thus becomes a pained pronouncement. The nuance tends to come through in his face and nonverbal cues so focus on those, but linguistic choices are pretty important here. And this is where directly naming his emotions comes in. Unlike that question/answer section above where his thoughts and feelings are conveyed without directly naming his sentiment, sometimes he is called upon to express his feelings more specifically.

Because let’s be honest, he’s got his A Single Man Tear(TM) and he’s got deep, painful feelings, but he sucks at talking about them.

Let’s create an example that isn’t something that specifically happened in canon, but easily could. So - let’s say that Dean might need to say he’s scared of losing Sam. That would come after some pained discussion and Dean will act like he’s having his teeth pulled, but he will say it. And when he does, it’s either an angry proclamation (”you want me to say it? fine! i’m scared, sam - i’m scared as hell that one day i’ll wake up and you’ll be gone.”) or he cracks himself open completely exposed and vulnerable, and all the air rushes from the room when you see it because his eyes are shining and it’s visceral and real and been sitting right below the surface, suffocated until this moment (”i’m scared, sam,” a crack in his voice, an inhale of breath, and he looks a second from losing it. but it’s dean so he won’t, he’ll hold on by the skin of his teeth with his heart spilling out of his mouth, red with the blood of his own truths. “i’m terrified of losing you.”).

There’s very little in between. There’s almost never any emotionally removed or more clinical discussion of his feelings like you might get with Sam. (”you want me to say i’m scared? of course i’m scared. i’m terrified, dean, but that’s not the point here. the point is -”). Because Dean struggles to accept and avow his painful internal emotional landscape, he struggles to discuss it in a way that’s removed, so it becomes very intense when he does.

What this also means for writing emotional dialogue is that although Dean does not lack insight into his emotions, where they come from, and why he’s feeling the way he is, he’ll very seldom provide you an in depth explanation. This may make him seem less emotionally mature, but really what’s happening is a struggle to put those feelings into words. Discussion of anxiety, insecurity, and trauma are put into boxes he can more easily communicate - fear, anger, violence. Less “I overreacted because I was scared of losing you” and more “I’m fucking terrified of losing you. And yeah, it pisses me off.” Dean doesn’t tend to use explanatory statements (”because”), he tends to present emotions and even concepts outside of emotional discussions as separate statements, and it becomes your job to then connect those statements (as the one he’s talking to, and as the audience).

Like I said near the start, Dean also uses longer sentences when having serious conversations. “As long as I’m around, nothing bad’s gonna happen to you.” Note the first half of that sentence acting as a qualifier (implying something bad could happen, but not when Dean is around, creating the condition upon which the whole sentence and sentiment hangs).

Less Declarative Expression

Dean expresses negative emotions like disappointment and frustration as well, but unlike his more intense/extreme negative emotions (terror, fear of abandonment, deep anger) he very seldom will declare those emotions. While he might use question and answer format, he might also control the conversation with a straightforward expression that saves him from having to say what he’s feeling while still getting it across.

For example, "Well that's great, because without your power, you're basically just a baby in a trench coat." Instead of saying he’s frustrated, he says something that gets to the point of what he’s mad about without saying he’s mad. (This is especially true when what he’s mad about is the situation. Because while these statements are about people, on the balance of things, they’re not really directed at them. Because often he’s frustrated because of something they can’t solve and he knows that).

He’s also liable to not-declare-but-express pent up feelings he’s not ready to unpack in the same manner:

He’s obviously stressed and angry, but he doesn’t want to have to avow that anger and unpack all of where it’s coming from. It’s not the feeling of the emotion he dislikes so much as it is the examination of the underpinning reasons for it, because the dredge it up and unpack it is more painful than to let himself to continue to feel it at this low consistent level while he processes.

Outliers and End Notes

No post can fully capture and analyze 15 years of dialogue. There’s probably a million important elements to Dean��s speech that I missed. I think I want to emphasize a few things before we part.

First - if you really want to write Dean, make sure you write him as charismatic. He uses humor, charm, deflection, questions, commands, and confidence all to control conversations and he does it seamlessly. Despite his rakish nature, he seldom if ever seems to offend people (unless he’s deliberately trying to piss them off) and you should take that into consideration when writing him.

Keeping him fully in character will therefore involve a sort of fluidity about his speech, and those references. He is personable and exceptionally confident. He does not tend to hesitate or apologize (except in a flippant, superficial way, or in very strained emotional conversations and then only to those he loves deeply). His volume and tone are probably as or more important than his words, so consider when he’s saying something with a purr vs. with a snarl vs. shouting vs. having his voice crack into a whisper. He’s incredibly expressive with his face, but not overly gesticular with his hands (though he does gesture, just not in a way that stands out a great deal).

If you want or need him to give some type of confession in what you’re writing, you pretty much have two options. Either expressing his emotions in ways I’ve described here, or giving it the good ol’ S12 monologue where he bares his soul (when he’s inside Mary’s head). That should be reserved only for very extreme circumstances though - circumstances like saving his mother from brainwashing, discussing his hell trauma, or declaring that there’s nothing on heaven or earth he’d put before his little brother. Because in general long speeches aren’t his style.

And if you can, give some thought to what season you’re writing in. Is he still calling everyone and everything douch-y? Is he in the later seasons and more capable of unpacking his emotions directly? Is he in the early seasons where he’s trying to be Han Solo and too damn cool and smooth about everything, even his impending death?

At the end of the day - Dean is a wonderful, complex character and I hope this analysis helps some writers understanding his speech and character better!

#dean winchester #dean meta #spn meta #supernatural meta #supernatural #speech patterns #speech analysis #long post #long post for ts #i don't wanna put it under a cut because no one ever looks at these when i do #also for those who don't know i used to do these for flash characters on my side blog #but have requests now for branching out #i am not a linguist #i just like studying characters and trying to write their dialogue #this post is 4200 words and my goal was under 5k so i win #not-entirely-crazy-just-a-little

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