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mrghostrat · 5 months

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"He needed an internet connection so he could download an app to draw with, but the whole point of setting the thing up in London was because he knew Crowley understood all of this a whole lot better than he did."

Okayyyyy I just got violent flashbacks to the s2 finale this is evil 😭😭

But in all seriousness, I LOVED the new bnf au chapter, I mean the kiss??? I audibly gasped, it was soooo good

I was wondering if the witch and the witchfinder are a canon couple in the nice and accurate prophecies? Or are they just a very popular fanon ship? Or is it like good omens, where people saw the romantic subtext in the book and where it was made explicitly canon in the show?

I just think all options would be really interesting, given that Crowley and Aziraphale are both middle-aged queer people and the book came out thirty years ago. So they either would have had some representation back then, or they recognised themselves in the story and even though it wasn't canon, maybe those ideas would later explicitly be confirmed by Agnes Nutter nonetheless? Since all these options have really interesting implications for the way they both interacted with the source material, I'm really curious what your thoughts on the matter are.

Thank you so much for all the beautiful things you create for the fandom, both your fics and your art give me life and I'm so grateful for them ❤

omg you have no idea how excited i am about this question 😭 as i've written BNF, i've been quietly fleshing out more about their fictional fandom, and accidentally gotten reeeeally invested and am dying to talk about it 😭😭

i'm actually tempted to make some fanart of the witch & the witchfinder, using michael and david as facecasts to go full meta thphptftf. in b4 i write it as a fuckin book series for real

buttttt i'll put all my N&A thoughts under a cut so i dont ramble too long on your dashes 💛

The Nice and Accurate Prophecy: Agnes Nutter's book series (turned play, turned film, turned tv series); the fandom in my fic Big Name Feelings

the idea of using Agnes Nutter's "Nice and Accurate" book for the in-fic fandom was taken from @tawnyontumblr's fic New Messages (i just thought that would be a fun fanon consistency to follow), but all the details about the story and characters are me.

N&A takes inspiration from Good Omens (as a story, and as a fandom) but isn't intended to be a direct copy of it. the original paperback series is a few books long, and each adaptation of the books are considered good, accurate, canonical content. the tv show (a HBO series) is the most recent, highest quality, and most popular. The Witcher style, high fantasy quality.

agnes is loudly supportive of the lgbt community just like neil/david/michael are. but i imagine that for the series to be so "marketable" over the last 30 years, there isn't an explicit queer relationship between the witch & finder. there are canon queer side characters but the witch & finder are a little more nuanced.

the witch and the witchfinder aid each other through time, working together to defeat the evils in the story (like Aziraphale and Crowley from GO). there's tension between them, but boundless love, and plenty of flirtation, despite the running "we shouldn't, we're meant to be enemies" theme. they would canonically get together at some point in the story, probably towards the end after they've spent some time dancing around each other.

the thing that makes this vague is: the witch reincarnates through the story, almost doctor who style. they're a trans icon, much like how the GO fandom looks at Crowley and all his gender ambiguity.

when they finally tryst with the witchfinder, they're female. it's by pure happenstance that they're female presenting at that stage of the story, but still widely critiqued over the years. the thing that canonises the mlm relationship is that the witch is said to carry their consciousness through each reincarnation— they're not a new person like The Doctor is when he regenerates.

the start of the book series spends more time on "Crowley and Aziraphale's favourite male reincarnation", while the movie and tv show only briefly montages through some of the witch's faces. the mlm side of the fandom most definitely lost their minds over the brief few minutes of screentime that they got of the male witch, and has absolutely gifsetted it to death.

i've done it like this because so much of (every) fandom has always been seeking out representation and filling gaps where the original content lacks. there's something to be said about the solidarity of queer fans creating more queer content for themselves. except, in the case of N&A, they're getting to work from a source material that is genuinely queer supportive, unlike fandoms like SPN and BBC Sherlock that are fighting against the tide of queerbaiting and buried gays.

it also gives aziraphale and crowley a chance to band together in the next chapter when they talk to a dickhead at the party:

i haven't exactly decided what happens with the witchfinder, like if the story takes place over hundreds of years and he keeps reincarnating as the same lookin dude (like how jack whitehall plays both Thou Shall Not Commit Adultery and Newton Pulsifer) or if it's set over one lifetime and the witch just gets killed and regenerates a lot. i do like the idea of there being some "through the ages" shenanigans, and a canonical "modern day" setting like GO has.

but i gotta be careful bc i genuinely can't stop thinking about this fake story that's barely mentioned in my fan fic or i'll end up writing the damn thing myself

#ask a rat #bnf au #good omens au #ratwips

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bogkeep · 20 days

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grousing about ai art stuff

every time i open twitter (my mistake) there's a new thread on how to spot ai art or ai photos by finding all the mistakes in it, and like obviously this is useful and it's good to watch out because they kEEP SHOWING UP EVERYWHERE AHHH HELL WORLD HELL WORLD, but it's also a little depressing that we're training ourselves to nitpick all kinds of details within a piece of art.

like even before the artifically generated image boom randos on twitter would reply to fully finished illustrations with the most asinine unsolicited advice possible. art's gonna be flawed sometimes! i'll draw someone in a weird pose because of vibes! i'll wing a hand! i don't fucking know what a house actually looks like!!! like yes of course the way a human artist creates flawed art is different from the way an algorithm doesn't actually know what anything looks like because it has no mind. it doesn't know shit. so it's not that it's UNRELIABLE but it's like. it's like... i've been telling myself and others every time i'm struggling to make something look Just Right that actually nobody i going to be staring as hard at my art as i am while making it. if i don't point it out people aren't likely to notice unless they are going through it with a fine toothed comb BUT NOW WE ARE DOING THAT APPARENTLY. WHICH IS ANYONE'S PEROGATIVE AND FAIR ENOUGH! PEOPLE CAN LOOK AT MY ART HOWEVER THEY WANT IT'S FINE

but it's ALSO so depressing to consider having to analyse every single piece of art you come across like that my goddddddd i just wanna enjoy it!! i wanna enjoy art!!!! i mean the main reason i finally stopped going on twitter regularly was during the NFT boom and i got so tired of having to vet every single artist i came across to make sure i wasnt retweeting nft stuff. like that really ruined my previously enjoyable experience of LOOKING AT NICE ART ON MY FEED WITHOUT PSYCHOLOGICAL WARFARE.

god another thing that happened during the dark nft times was how certain art styles tended to be nfts. and i don't mean the ugly apes and stuff, like of course there's those, but there were a lot of artists who sold their souls to crypto and there was just a certain Vibe to a lot of those styles. like i got a sixth sense for it, i would see a piece of art by an unknown artists and when i checked - yep, that was a crypto guy now. and you know what!!!! i hated that!!!! i hate that it ruined entire art styles for me!! AND NOW ARTIFICIALLY GENERATED IMAGES ARE DOING THE SAME!!!!! like what tends to tip me off is less because i spotted some wonky hand or a weird flap but because the style is a popular one for the ai bros to imitate. you know what i mean right!!!!!! it's kind of how the ai photos look a bit too clean and crisp and smooth in an unsettling way. it just pings the brain a bit.

ULTIMATELY the absolute main method i have for filtering away ai images isn't so much looking for mistakes, but by checking sources. it's the same way i check that i'm not reblogging from reposting accounts Because That's A Thing I Care About Too - if there's no description or the description seems off and i don't recognise the OP, i check the original post/blog to see what's up. if the image gives me a weird vibe, i check where it comes from and who posted it. oftentimes the comments on posts with ai images will point it out - they're not always accurate and there's definitely been times where people are a little too trigger happy to accuse art of being AI... but it can be a good lead or confirm suspicions. on one hand, i don't want to do detective work while im having chill scrolling time, but on the other hand - i already had this habit for other reasons, so it's less disruptive to me than the alternative. it also helps that it's very rare for ai shit to turn up in my tumblr feed. i don't want to keep looking over my shoulder!!

(also for anyone who wants a little bit of optimism in the middle of all this, here's an episode of Better Offline podcast that outlines how it's very unlikely for generative ai to actually get much better. here's the part two also.)

#we live in the stupidest timeline

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munkiey · 11 months

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Hey I saw some Macaque fanart that looked eerily similar to yours and just wanted to let you know (I might be making a deal of nothing but yeah I'll include a screenshot of the art):

Alright so.

1: This is likely someone who is doing screenshot redraws from the same images I did that came from a published show that is accessible to millions.

2: Tracing is actually a great way to learn.

Now, credit should be given obviously but there is a huge stigma from folks online about tracing. I can almost promise you that some of your favorite artists out there will look at a work they like and go 'how did they do this?'

Best way to get into the head of another artist? Trace it.

I've done traces of other artists that I admired and honestly I learned a lot from doing so. Did I post these or ever claim them as my own? Absolutely not, that is when you're stealing.

Thousands of professional comic artists, or almost every skilled artist you can think of has traced. This little waltz is like a baby bird taking its first haphazardly drunk steps across a ice pit. We call them screenshot redraws today, but in the fine arts spectrum, they're called Master Studies.

Because you're looking at someone who has already accomplished something and you want to see how they did it, how you can apply it, and how you as an artist can grow.

The beauty of art is that we can take aspects of things we like and add onto our own work. Its an amalgamation of influences that compound together to create the concept we call an artist. I love seeing where people draw their inspiration from.

3: Personally, I think that it's good that this person is taking some steps into digital and learning. Looking at the line weight and the way they use their tools it seems that they're still learning how they want to navigate the digital platform. This is a great way for them to improve an if they had, allegedly, used my images at reference then I'm honored they saw something to admire in it!

The fact that they practiced at all is way more than I can say for others that say they want to improve but don't put the effort in.

4: Now, final point here.

In the future, please do not come to me like this.

I appreciate you trying to give me a heads up, but I'm not going to sit here and reprimand or police people. This kind of message to me feels like a rather deliberate attempt to stir up drama, which if it was not your intention and you genuinely were just looking out for me, I appreciate you trying. The way I see it though, reporting people like this or going after what may very well be kids trying to learn creates a toxic mentality that I don't want anything to do with. I've been there, done that, and been on the receiving end of that nastiness.

I've learned a lot through my time online and the big lesson sometimes is just to let people do what they're gonna do.

Seriously though, who ever did this has a very cute style. I like the smile headshot there in the middle.

Stay wild <3

#rant #tracing #ask #munkiey

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gofancyninjaworld · 21 days

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Started watching Mob Psycho 100. About 5 episodes in and yeah, I get why this show is so popular. It's good, even real good, so far. Mob is a good protagonist and the animation has been really impressive.

I also recently started reading One Punch Man and it's fine. I like the art and every now and again it gives me a chuckle. But ultimately I think OPM has a fairly conservative world view that makes me hard to enjoy it as anything more than easy fluff. It's all about the power of the individual and has some really questionable class politics in places. I know it's not intended for a deep read, but I can't help it. I'm glad I'm reading it through the library instead of buying individual volumes. I think I'm like 21 volumes into it.

Back to MP100, I'm still early so I can't say for sure yet, but I feel like it is the better written and realized of the two. I'm a sucker for the monster-of-the-week style format and so far it has been nailing while also developing the characters pretty well.

I gotta say, I'm impressed. I'm usually pretty cautious around checking out popular things since I tend to not enjoy them. So far that's not the case here.

First, I'm glad that your library has a lot of the OPM volumes: it's great for the series and a very wise way to read. If I didn't have my library cards, I'd be perma-broke and out of space in my home. :D

Second, I hope by now that you've finished reading Mob Psycho 100. I think it's a fantastic work and while there's a part of me that hankers for ONE to find something more he wants to say in that world and tell another story, a bigger part of me really respects that he's known how to tell 'a big story of a small step' and end there. It is one of the best coming-of-age stories I've read or watched. If you haven't checked out the anime, DO! It is incredibly well-realised, imaginative, and every season builds better on the previous.

Yes, now that you mention it, One-Punch Man does feel more conservative than Mob Psycho 100 in *some* ways. Whereas the latter is about middle schoolers exploring how to shape themselves, OPM is about the challenge of having a sense of purpose as an adult and balancing act of being an individual and being part of society. And no one quite knows what they're doing...

The various kids in MP100 may have challenges as small as getting someone to sign up for a school club or as big as stopping a would-be megalomaniac from taking over Japan, but they're free to focus on those problems. Their parents keep a roof over their heads, cook dinner, draw up budgets, pay bills, and prompt them to do homework. Their schools give them a ready-made social context in which to interact repeatedly and shape their goals. They're free to be children and it's precious.

OPM, almost everyone is an adult, and adult life is both less and more structured than that of childhood. There's a lot more to balance, you don't have infinite energy, time, or resources, and if you get it wrong, life gets super hard. We get Saitama: he's become the strongest man in the world thanks to his singular focus on being so strong that he can send any enemy flying with a single punch -- and he's also homeless (he's squatting in an abandoned apartment), with no post-secondary qualifications, no steady job (he's held lots of menial jobs, keeping them only long enough to quit and live off them so he can be a hero). The idealism of being a hero may get you thanked, but thanks don't pay the rent: that's why the Hero Association came to exist, in order to enable people motivated to be heroes to actually focus on it. It'd be a short story if Genos hadn't introduced Saitama to the HA.

Those checks and compromises necessary to survive and thrive in society do give OPM a more conservative feel. However, on the other side, there's no one telling you how far you can go. Difficult as it is, there's more scope for self-actualisation for the characters in OPM than there is for those in MP100. And there's no one way to do it. Swings and roundabouts.

Not sure how OPM will end yet, but so far, I'm still finding it compelling.

Given how long this has been in my inbox, I have no idea if you will read this. If you do (and I hope you do), thank you. Thank you for an awesome ask.

#One Punch Man #Mob Psycho 100 #asks #two great works looking at challenges of different life stages #a vital part of being a teenager is exploring who you want to become #part of being an adult is making peace with the world around you #also part of being one is working out how to be true to yourself and push to do things that actualise you #there's no perfect state: only a balancing act #better late than never

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tmntkiseki · 4 months

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Diary of an Idiot Trying to Learn to Draw Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (Part 1: Escaping the Comfort Zone)

Before we talk turtles and the early steps of my art journey with them, let's talk about me for a little bit.

Hello, most people know me by my online nickname, Star. I'm a perpetually tired gremlin in her late 20s from New England who still lives with her parents and two brothers. (I'm the middle child!) I love my two dogs to bits, I have a weird fascination with shipwrecks and maritime disasters, and I am a known art enjoyer to point of attempting to draw her own pictures. Sometimes it goes well, other times... ah, we'll get to that.

When I think about my history in terms of drawing, it all starts with anime. My first exposure anime was through a fairly obscure one called Sky Girls; I encountered it through Dance Dance Revolution: Super Nova 2 on the PS2, as the opening to the original OVA was one of the songs available in the game. I ended up watching most of the television series and I was quick to discover that, hey, there's an entire genre of animated television series that originate from Japan; subsequently, I ended up watching several anime that were popular during the late 2000s with Lucky Star, Haruhi Suzumiya, Clannad, and Higurashi no Naku Koro Ni all being shows that I watched during this period. It's difficult to say what entranced me so much about the art style quirks we so heavily associate with anime, but it's definitely had the biggest influences on my art; not just anime itself, but video games with anime art styles as well. If I had to name which pieces of Japanese media have affected me most in terms of art development, it would be Odin Sphere, KyoAni's works (especially Violet Evergarden), and Hidari (the character designer for three of the Atelier games and Fire Emblem Echoes: Shadows of Valentia.)

"Okay, but what about when you actually began to do your own art?" WELL, I can definitely say throughout elementary school I absolutely LOVED being in art class, but I didn't start seriously practicing until I was around 13; this was when my depression first reared its ugly head, but it was also about when I first got into fandom online. Now, the first fandom I actually made "content" for was Pokemon, but that wasn't drawing; that was fanfiction. The first fandom I actually drew for?

Call of Duty: Zombies. Yeah, I think we all have that one fandom we're embarrassed to mention that we were ever involved in. Regardless of the cringe factor, it was still important for me because that was when I first started interacting with other fanartists online and if I hadn't spent so much time drawing fanart of a bunch of WWII stereotypes while I was in high school, I wouldn't have laid the groundwork for what came afterwards.

In terms of overall skill, I'm definitely way better than I was back when I first started out, but there is still so much I have to learn; I do often look at other artists who are around my age or, hell, are even YOUNGER than me and think to myself "Why am I not that good?" and, ya know, art is an acquired skill that requires a lot of practice and due to my mental illness and lack of confidence/self-worth, there were periods where I would go for MONTHS without drawing anything, so the fact I'm not where I feel like I should be skill-wise is ultimately circumstantial (there are other personal shortcomings that have also been holding me back, but we'll get to those later). I have managed to learn to stop being so hard on myself and not be as perfectionistic, and I find myself drawing more and more for the fun of it and learning new techniques that'll result in better pieces rather than anything else. These are some of the Rune Factory 4 pieces I drew last year (all Arthur/Frey ship art, oops) and at this point I can look at them and think "Yeah, they're not perfect, but I also did a pretty good job."

All right, this is the part of the post where we finally get to talking about my experiences learning how to draw the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles--specifically, the 2003 versions. It's been about a month since I started studying the show's art and even if I'm not the best artist on the block, I still have a decent amount of experience under my belt that learning how to draw them shouldn't be too hard, right? Right? I mean how hard can it be to draw four humanoid turtles?

Oh boy, of all the fandoms I've drawn fanart for, TMNT 2003 probably has one of the steepest learning curves that I have EVER experienced.

All right, what are some of the advantages do I have going in? There is my existing experience drawing, but I'd argue the fact that my brain is so hardwired to draw anime is an advantage in some ways. When I first looked at the show's art style (more specifically that of seasons 1 - 5), I was thinking to myself "How the everliving FUCK am I supposed to draw this?!" However, when I actually sat down and studied the model sheets, I was delighted to discover that a lot of the basic fundamentals that I already learned drawing anime bodies can be applied to the turtles; one of the only major adjustments I had to make was exaggerating the muscles of the arms and legs. Not only that, but one of the less human aspects of the turtles IE the plastron is actually incredibly useful as a makeshift guideline for the torsos; it quite literally divides them into chest, abdomen, and pelvis areas and I absolutely love it!

Unfortunately, that's about where my happiness with drawing the turtles ends and where my actual struggles start.

("Nekomata Mikey" from January 7th, which is probably my best and favorite turtle attempt thus far)

So, I suffer from a little something called "not liking to leave my comfort zone." It's not something that I'm incapable of doing, but getting me to break out of a repetitive routine and try something new or challenging is insanely difficult--no idea if it's a result of my autism spectrum disorder or not, but it definitely explains why I've hesitated to experiment more with my art and try new things... which is important if you want to further develop your style and improve. Oooooooh boy.

Now, I'm not necessarily looking to accurately replicate TMNT 2003's style, but I am hoping to maintain certain aspects when I draw the turtles. Stuff that is definitely contradicting what I'm comfortable with when it comes to drawing; the thick lines you see in a lot of the official art, the fact this show really likes using sharp angles to define physical features, the dark color palette of the first five seasons, the fact those seasons break the rule of "don't shade with black" that I've been taught from the beginning--a lot of stuff that I'm just not used to. It's hard not to become frustrated because half the time you have no idea what you're doing and have no idea whether it's going to look good or not.

Beyond that, there is the matter of the less human aspects of the turtles that are giving me a run for my money. I can somewhat handle the chunky three fingered hands and large two toed feet, but when I get to the heads and shells, that's where I start tearing my hair out. Even with multiple reference screenshots from the show and sassatello's tutorial on the head structure handy, I still find myself fumbling and making heads that are too angular and chunky (especially in the cheek area) or heads that are too round to the point of almost looking babyish. The shells are another matter entirely; it's weird because they are basically a dome-shaped backpack, but something about those things keeps throwing me for the loop no matter what angle or pose I'm drawing a turtle from.

*LOUD SIGH*

For all the struggles and frustrations I have, I'm still very happy to be studying and practicing how to draw the turtles. It's been about a month since I started pouring over the model sheets, taking screencaps from individual episodes to examine and annotate, and just drawing, and I've already learned so much. Not only that, but this whole experience of trying to figure out how to draw the main characters from an (almost) 21 year old cartoon has pushed me to look up... A LOT of tutorials for art skills I've admittedly been neglecting. Basic shapes used in the structure of the body, color theory and shading, all that good stuff. It is also a fact that studying the art of TMNT 2003 is exactly what inspired me to start posting all the model sheets and concept arts I have saved on my laptop. When you have a ton of art resources at your disposal, why not share them? Someone else might need them as much as you do.

I'm hoping to make another post like this in a couple months or so just to see how much I've improved, where I'm still kicking and screaming, and what areas I ought to focus on. Until then, take care and have a good day!

#teenage mutant ninja turtles #tmnt #tmnt 2003 #tmnt 2k3 #tmnt art diary

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alpha-window-9 · 4 months

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Okay, my voice designs are complete! I am about to ramble about them.

Some general comments before getting into each individual one; I'm terribly inexperienced at drawing creatures, so while I adore how some artists are making them different birds and I would've loved for them to have actual beaks, I care too much about quality to do that to myself. So I just gave them pointy noses. Don't question the ears. At first I was just going to make them all have different outfits that could be worn by any gender or shape of person, because anyone can play the game, but that got in the way of other ideas I had. So they all have different styles/proportions to make them stand out. At first they had different feather bits, but then I realized how much I liked the cannon Long Quiet's little head bits that look like cat ears, which are already super expressive. So I went with that.

Going in rainbow order, first we have Voice of the Paranoid!

I'm pretty sure his was the first of the group I designed, or at least, he's gone through the least revisions. I went full bug-eyed panic obviously. The eyes also make squinting in suspicion very obvious. While I like the designs that include the vital organs he keeps running, he serves a more general role in other routes. The outfit was the hardest to figure out, but I landed on the baseball tee because it was a bit more distinct, not too childish, but still very casual. Some symbolism I realized later is that you get to the Nightmare route by making choices that are uncomfortably in the middle, and that's reflected by Paranoid's shirt and pant sleeves stopping in the middle of the arm, right in the joint.

Voice of the Skeptic.

This one was the hardest for me. I don't know him too well, and he doesn't have a specific action or attitude to play into. I finally got an idea when I decided against using realistic proportions for a different voice, that Skeptic was perfect for realism, he's all about facts and reality. The glasses came pretty quick, and I decided on the beard because he needs something to stroke in contemplation. He almost had a pipe as well, but I decided against it. The outfit was difficult again, I looked up a lot of references to scholars and various sherlock interpretations, and finally decided on a dark academia style turtleneck and the long coat, which was everywhere in my searches. If you could see both of the little head thingies the other one would be sideways kind of like a quirk eyebrow.

Voice of the Contrarian.

While I adore the jester parallels so many others have made, I wanted to focus on the immature side of him. So he's a little brat with a backwards baseball cap because he's rebellious. I wanted to make sure to incorporate the sympathetic side that shows up later in Stranger.

Voice of the Opportunist.

He's honestly one of my favorite voices, and I think part of that is how he's good with people and social interaction, so I leaned into that side by going for a sleezy business man aesthetic. He also mentions that he likes to travel, so I gave him that excellent shirt. He's on the business casual side because you can't be serious all the time, you need to relate to the people. He doesn't know what the earpiece is for, it's just there.

Voice of the Hero.

Everyone's favorite boy! My main goal with the body type was friend shaped. Cause he's your bud. Went with the classic Link tunic because it's so incredibly hero coded, and the half cape to keep it fresh and friendly. I liked that another design gave him pauldrons to convey an upside down triangle shape, which represents intelligence and change, which I thought fit him very well. But fighting isn't really his thing, so I went with only one, putting the design off balance in a way I really liked. The head thingies came like first try, he's definitely swoopy and dynamic.

Voice of the Hunted.

This one sucked to design because as I said previously, I'm bad at animalistic designs and shapes. My first thought was an Australian Bear Grylls type survivalist with realistic proportions, but it wasn't quite working and I loved everyone else's feral creatures. So I tried. The hair thingies came to me at random, and I like that they look like deer antlers. By this point I had everyone else down and none of them had a top heavy face shape so I tried that for Hunted and I liked how it turned out. I learned in my failed creature designs that a wide neck was important, so I did that. I kept the shark tooth necklace for flare.

Voice of the Cheated.

I got very tall vibes from him for some reason. Maybe because it helps contrast his squinty eyes. For his outfit I went with a "someone who went broke at the casino" vibe. It felt right for everything to be mismatched, uneven, and messy. He's also the only one I gave a tired line.

Voice of the Stubborn.

Of course he had to be buff, also wide things are sturdy. The tank top was the best shirt to show off those muscles, and I feel like the basketball shorts were a necessity for this stereotype. Thick eyebrows because angry. His head thingies are tiny and adorable mostly because I found it a funny contrast. The blue was honestly a bit of an afterthought, I'd already given red to Paranoid, and the orangy colors felt too weird for him. I think the blue works though.

Voice of the Broken.

He's small. I had to go for a hoodie because it's gloomy and also to give cult vibes. The face needed to be big in order for those watery eyes to be prominent, and I felt keeping it in shadow was the easiest way to keep it simple. I had a lot of crazy ideas about unmatched puzzle pieces and wobbly towers that I'm incapable of executing, but I needed some sort of literal expression, so there's that big scar. The little line on the top is supposed to evoke a puppet whose string has been cut. I imagine that the others drag him around by it if they get frustrated.

Voice of the Cold.

It was a bit difficult to figure out his design until I realized that he's the type to do hard drugs if given the opportunity to. Then things clicked. And once I made the connection of black lipstick, everything came together. The head thingies are supposed to look like dreadlocks.

Voice of the Smitten.

I struggled so hard with this. I can not draw handsome people, but I can't have Smitty looking like a dork. The swoopy head thingies were easy enough, but most of the rest didn't look right, or was literally just Roman from Sanders sides. But I got in a chin, and decided to go for the heart body shape and I think it turned out well in the end. I was even able to keep the shirt sleeves and bowtie that I had discarded earlier for being too dorky.

#slay the princess #stp voices

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soaps-hoe-141 · 1 year

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Back Together

You might want to grab a snack before you read this one

Part 16

Pairing: Soap x Ghost

WC: 5k

Synopsis: Grocery shopping, furniture stores, and some good home cookin

Warnings: Soap bein a cheapo

Bargain Mart, the holy grail of deals and also the only place Soap ever went shopping anymore, the only place he needed to go shopping since the place sold just about everything you could think of. He had brought Ghost with him, even though the man seemed more than confused as to why they were about to even step inside the building. Soap led them inside stopping as they walked in the doors, he moved to grab a cart but paused glancing back at the man on his crutches and nodding towards one of the electric wheelchairs, “You should get one of those Lt. You’d look good riding in style,” Soap put his hands out revving an imaginary motor with a smirk.

The glare from the hazel eyes only turned his smirk into a joy filled smile as Ghost answered with a deadening tone, “No.”

Soap shook his head suppressing his smile, “Fine. Fine have it your way,” the Scotsman pulled a cart out of one of the rows and pushed it in front of Ghost letting him lean onto the cart as he took the man’s crutches and laid them in the cart instead. “Come on now, we have groceries to buy, my coupons expire tomorrow.” Ghost let out a huff and followed him as Soap headed for the produce first.

The Scot inspected everything he put into the cart much to Ghost’s annoyance. “Why couldn’t we just order some groceries to the house like I usually do?”

Soap gave him a look that showed the offense he felt at that and scoffed, “Because you get the best product when you get it yourself Ghost. If you let someone shop for you they don’t really care.” The tall man just watched him shaking his head a bit and grumbling as Soap kept walking. “I don’t have a coupon for bananas like you wanted but I do have one for a bag of oranges. Did you want those instead?”

Ghost shrugged as he answered, “I don’t know, I guess. I mean how much do a thing of bananas even cost? 10? 12 maybe?”

Soap gaped at him stopping in the middle of the aisle too shocked to move or even answer at first before blurting out, “Where have you been getting bananas Ghost!? Who has been scamming you?”

The tall man was confused, watching him and answering with a shrug, “I’ve never actually been to a grocery store before Johnny. I just have amazon deliver groceries to the house whenever I need something. Why? Is that…a lot?”

“Ghost, a bundle of bananas should cost like 2.50 a bundle at most, you poor, poor man. You must be joking, please tell me you are joking.” He waited to see the smirk in his eyes telling him what he wished to hear, but it never came. Just a blank stare down at him that made his head shake and fingers pinch at the bridge of his nose. “You are never to order groceries again, understand me? I’ll do your grocery shopping from now on, just text me whenever you need something.” Soap walked on through the aisles, ignoring the child-like pleas to leave from the tall man as he shopped, filling the cart up as they went. At one point he pulled ahead of Ghost, losing the man accidentally in the maze of the store. He found himself in the middle of the aisle that housed the art and school supplies.

Blue eyes roamed the sketchbooks, the different pencils and pens for lineart, and the different kinds of oil pastels that seemed to call to him, they had been his favorite media before he had stopped drawing a few years back. However, the price tag shot his desire down nearly immediately. Besides it had been a while anyway, he’d probably fuck it up if he tried to draw again. He nearly jumped out of his skin when a deep voice spoke behind him, “What are you looking at this stuff for, Johnny?”

Soap turned to look at the masked man, taking a deep breath to calm his heart before he shrugged, feigning nonchalance, and continued down the aisle shooting back over his shoulder, “No reason, come on let’s go Lt. We still have to stop by that furniture store, I saw an ad online that they have a sale on right now.” He didn’t stop to look back, continuing on to the registers. As they stood in line he cast a worried look over at Ghost who was leaning over on the cart heavily, probably too much walking around for one day already. “Hey Ghost, I’m gonna go pull the car around. Here’s my Bargain Mart card, make sure they scan it before you pay, my coupons are loaded onto it.” He handed the rewards card over to him and then pulled out his credit card, “And here you go.”

Ghost took the rewards card without issue and then shook his head, “I’ll pay for it, just hurry up and get the car.” Soap’s brows furrowed and the big man waved him off, “Go on.” He sighed and shoved his wallet back in his pocket as he left Ghost to handle the checkout line. He met the man back near the front as he pushed the cart out the door. Soap jumped out, helping Ghost into the passenger seat before he loaded the groceries and got them back on the road.

Soap hummed along to music only he could hear as they drove, before he parked the car again, this time at the Furniture Depot. “Do you still want to go inside? We don’t have to if you’re tired or your leg is hurting.”

Ghost nodded almost immediately, “I’m fine, let’s go Soap.” The man seemed almost excited to be going inside here. The tall man opened his door first and the Scotsman hurried to meet him around the car, pulling his crutches out of the backseat and helping him out of the low seat.

Once more Soap led them inside the store, met immediately with a salesman who was shooting a wide smile at the both of them that faltered just slightly when he looked at Ghost’s skull mask before he regained his composure and asked, “How are you two doing today, gentleman?”

Soap glanced around the store, “We’re doing ok, thanks.”

The man waited for him to say anything more before he continued, “So, is there anything I can help you with today? Anything in particular you’re looking for?”

The Scotsman glanced back at Ghost, giving him a curious look, “What do you think? Which room do you want to finish next?”

Ghost glanced around the store as well before shrugging, “The bedroom maybe?”

Soap gave a quick nod and looked back at the man who was still giving them both that customer service smile, “That’s perfect, we actually have a sale going on for all bedroom furniture right now, if you can believe it. Right this way,” he led them through the store back to where a few fake bedrooms had been set up to showcase the furniture. “This is one of our more popular sets, the queen size metal frame bed. It has a matching vanity, dresser, and nightstand, but in my opinion it is lacking in storage space especially for the price.” Soap looked up at Ghost, hazel eyes staring hard at him before Sopa shook his head to the salesman.

“No problem, we have plenty more. Now my personal favorite is this one over here,” he directed them to a different bedroom set that was a gray wood with a wide grain that matched the granite countertops in the kitchen. Soap shot a look at Ghost who was still watching him instead of the salesman, his hazel eyes a bit softer this time and flicking away the moment he had been caught again. The salesman caught their attention then and gave them his pitch, “Now this is the one that my wife and I have in our master bedroom and she loves it. It’s a storage bed, queen size as well, and has a full matching set for the entire room. And in addition to the regular sale, it is also on a closeout sale so it’s more than half off. We have the last ones in transit now from the warehouse, you can take it home by tomorrow if you buy today.”

Soap nodded as he inspected it closely and turned his attention to Ghost as he asked, “Do you like it?”

Ghost glanced at each piece individually before nodding, “Affirmative.”

The Scotsman suppressed a smile at his lack of enthusiasm behind it and looked at the salesman, “How much is the whole set?”

“3,300 with the dresser, vanity, and the two nightstands,” the salesman answered with a proud smile.

Soap however blanched at him and shook his head, “Yeah that’s not gonna work. Our budget is 2,800 right now with the hospital bills and everything. I'm sorry.” The Scotsman pursed his lips feigning disappointment as he backed up, “Come on m’eudail.” He wrapped an arm around Ghost’s back looking up at him and thanking God that the salesman couldn’t read his expression through the balaclava cause he could plainly see Ghost’s intense confusion about what exactly Soap was doing.

They turned and headed for the door before the man stopped them with a loud, “Wait! Just a second,” he caught up to them and Soap turned to look back to him. “Let me go talk to my manager, I’m sure I can knock a little more off the price for you two.”

A thankful smile lit up the Scotsman’s features, “Thank you. If you could, that would be amazing.” He watched the man retreat towards the back of the store and turned to look up at Ghost who was still watching him and Soap realized he still had his arm wrapped around the Lieutenant’s back. “Oh sorry about that Lt. I was just trying to sell the bit.” Ghost narrowed his eyes and Soap elaborated, “He thinks we’re together, Ghost. That’s why he brought up that he and his wife have the same set even though he isn’t married.” At the quizzical look in his eye he held up his hand and pointed to his finger, “No ring Ghost. Besides, you can get a great deal if you start playing the sympathy card.”

Ghost rumbled out, “I don’t have any hospital bills to pay Soap. And, I could have afforded that, I don’t need any more of a discount.”

Soap sighed and shook his head, “It’s not about what you can afford Ghost. It’s about making sure that big furniture loses.”

He tapped a finger to his temple a couple times before the salesman reappeared from the back with that customer service smile still plastered on his face. “Good news gentleman, my manager agreed to the 2,800. It’s all yours tomorrow so long as you pay today.”

The Scotsman looked up at the tall man with an ‘I told you so,’ look and Soap could see the smirk underneath the mask as he nodded, “Ok, we’ll take it.” Ghost paid for the furniture set and they left the store.

Soap drove them back home, singing along to the playlist as he always did. He noticed Ghost staring a couple times but ignored the look he was giving him, continuing to sing as loud as he could. He helped Ghost out of the car when they got home, taking the groceries in himself. He loaded his arms down with the bags refusing to make a second trip back out to the car out of principle. Soap went immediately to the kitchen, only glancing momentarily at Ghost as he sat on the couch in his black hoodie and shorts with his cast up on the couch to rest what had to be an aching leg. He put the groceries away, letting it occupy his mind as he did. He kept out a small pork loin and set aside a couple potatoes and some veggies to go along with it.

The Scot washed the potatoes and peeled them then cut them into quarters. He threw the quartered potatoes into a mixture of vegetable oil, salt, pepper, minced garlic, flour, beef broth, white wine, thyme leaves, rosemary leaves, and bay leaves. He stirred it for a few seconds dipping in a finger to taste the mixture before nodding slowly to himself. “That’ll do,” he then went back to the veggies he had sat out, dicing a large onion, two small tomatoes, some celery, and two medium sized parsnips. He let it stew as he trimmed the small pork loin and cut it into small cubes, trimming off the thickest parts of the fat and leaving some to help season the stew. Soap threw the pork in then, stirring again and making sure it was thickening properly before he nodded to himself muttering quietly.

He turned, fixing to go see what Ghost was doing when he was met with the image of the man sitting at the kitchen island already watching him. “What’s for dinner tonight?”

Soap felt heat traveling up his chest and trying to settle on his face as he answered, “Pork stew, me mum’s recipe. I’ve never cooked it by myself so I hope you like it.”

Ghost peeked around him at the pot sitting on the burner and nodded slowly, “I’m sure I will. You were putting a lot of work into it just now. You don’t put that much work into something you don’t think will be worth it. I know you.” Soap couldn’t help the small smile as he nodded. The tall man watched him as he sat on the stool beside him, leaning forward against the bar with a yawn, his head resting in his hand. “I uh,” Ghost started as he pulled a bag off his lap and sat it on the counter before pushing it towards the Sergeant. “I got you this. When we were at the store,” the hazel eyes looked down at his hands as Soap opened the bag.

He pulled out a sketchbook and a pack of lineart pens and pencils, staring down at the box of oil pastels as well and letting out a light chuckle, unable to look up at the eyes he knew were staring holes into him now. “Ghost, you didn’t have to get me these. I haven’t even drawn in years. I’m probably shite now.” The man ran his thumb across the cover of the sketchbook and finally managed to turn his eyes to look up at Ghost, “How’d you even know what to get?”

“I’m quiet, not stupid Johnny. You were staring at it like it was the love you had left standing on the shore before deployment. With all the savings you got me at the market and then the Furniture Depot too I had some money left in the budget to get you something to show my appreciation.” Ghost’s eyes were so soft beneath the mask it was hard to look away, but Soap didn’t have a choice as he felt his heart start to pick up, his cheeks heating up.

The Scot cleared his throat and returned his gaze down to the art supplies, “Thanks Ghost. I appreciate the gift.” Ghost nodded then and tilted towards him to nudge his shoulder as he opened everything to inspect it a bit closer. The smell of the food permeated the room as it cooked making both of their stomachs rumble in anticipation.

Ghost pushed up from the stool heading back towards the living room, “If you need me I’ll be in the living room.”

Soap nodded and watched him leave before he made his way back to the stove slowly, pulling the lid off the pot to stir and inspect the food. It bubbled slowly, the sauce had thickened and everything was cooked through already. He stirred it for a few more seconds before he grabbed a couple bowls and spoons, poured a couple glasses of wine, spooned out food for the both of them, and opened a pack of rolls on the counter and after grabbing one for each of them he headed back to the living room to join Ghost on the couch. Soap handed off one of the bowls and then one of the glasses and glanced up at the TV as he pushed back into the corner of the sectional, legs drawn up as he tasted the food. It wasn’t exactly like his mom made it but it was fairly close. He glanced sideways as Ghost pulled his mask off and took a bite. He heard a low noise and his face fell, worried that he hated it before the man turned to look at him with surprise on his features not saying anything as he shoveled more into his mouth.

He let out a relieved sigh and went back to eating while watching the Lieutenant, enjoying the quiet noises and the expressions on Ghost’s face more than any TV show could ever give him. Soap watched as he dipped the roll into the leftover sauce, soaking up every drop before he sat the bowl on the table. Ghost sat back holding the glass of wine he hadn’t touched yet, sipping at it slowly and nodding to himself, “It was good Johnny. I’ll give it to you. I really thought I was gonna be washing my mouth out for a week.”

Blue eyes narrowed at the tall man before he shook his head, “I feel like you just insulted me but tried to cover it with a little sprinkle of praise. That doesn’t make what you said nice, you know that right Ghost?”

Ghost hid a smile behind another sip from the wine and Soap finished his own bowl of the stew. He took the bowls leaving the big man to watch his show as he cleaned up and packed away the leftovers before storing them in the fridge. The Scotsman didn’t go back immediately though, taking a few seconds to more closely inspect what Ghost had gifted to him before heading back to take a seat on the couch. His hand moved without much thought, the light pencil dancing over the paper as he transferred the pent up thoughts out through the pencil. Soap didn’t even realize when his eyes drifted shut looking down at the paper, not even noticing when Ghost took the sketchbook and the pencils, closing them without looking and putting them on the table before throwing a blanket over the Scot and laying back down on the couch to go to sleep himself.

Soap woke early the next morning, neck stiff from laying on his side without something to hold his head up. Ghost was on his stomach, his arm hanging off the couch and breathing heavily in his sleep. He stood slowly checking the time on his phone with a sigh. Ghost had been sleeping fairly late into the morning so he had some time before the man woke up, he could probably get to the base, get Ghost’s truck, and get the furniture they had bought…in a dream. Sadly this was not one, not this time anyway. Soap sighed and went to change, finding his duffel bag empty of fresh clothes. “Damn it,” he mumbled to himself before heading down the hall. Ghost wouldn’t notice one pair of shorts and a shirt missing, hopefully. He stripped quickly down to his underwear before going through the boxes and pulling out a pair of shorts and a long sleeve t-shirt.

He was about to pull the clothes on when he heard that voice that always seemed to sneak up on him when he least expected it. “Why are you stealing my clothes?”

“Fuckin hell Ghost!” Soap turned on the tall man, holding the clothes in front of him with a tired glare glued to the other’s unmasked face. “Keep that shite up and I’m gonna put bells around your neck. Quit sneaking up on me you big blaigeard.” Ghost snickered as he moved out of Soap’s way, following the shorter man on his crutches, and shutting the bathroom door in his face. “I’m going to go get your truck from the base and then pick up the furniture when they open.” He paused as he pulled the shirt over his head and the shorts on around his hips. They were too big, obviously, so he tightened the drawstrings and tied them off before pulling the sleeves up past his elbows so they didn’t dangle down past his hands. His face felt hot as he looked at himself in the mirror, wishing to himself that something else had accompanied him acquiring Ghost’s clothes. Maybe a sweaty night or a lazy morning. A languid roll of his hips against Ghost’s, or devouring his mouth to discover a taste he hadn’t yet been able to.

Soap hung his head for a second, shaking it slowly as he pushed the thoughts back with a sigh. He couldn’t do that, wouldn’t do that. Not when he knew how the other man felt about it. But, was it so wrong to wonder? To dream about it? Yes, it was, it was wrong for him to feel that, to want and think that. He was Ghost’s friend and the Lieutenant had made it clear that he didn’t want anything more than that so secretly pining for that, desiring more than what Ghost was willing to give, just didn’t sit well in his own stomach and he couldn’t imagine how it would feel to the other man. The Scotsman opened the bathroom door again to Ghost standing there looking down at him with a look that made his skin burn even hotter though he pushed by once more unwilling to let the tall man see it. Those hazel eyes would haunt his dreams for years to come, “I need you to promise me you won’t do anything stupid while I’m gone. Please I’m begging ye, because if you do anything stupid Price is gonnae have both our heads on a spike when he gets back. Copy?”

He heard Ghost take a seat once more on the couch behind him as he grabbed his things, listening as the Lieutenant answered back, “Copy that Sergeant MacTavish.” He eyed the back of the blonde’s head, surprised he hadn’t yet put the mask back on. They were in his home though so maybe he was just tired of wearing the suffocating fabric in the place he was usually able to just relax in, Soap knew without a doubt he would probably feel the same way.

“I’ll be back in maybe…” he tilted his head one way and then the other as he tried to judge the time, he had always been poor at doing that on the spot, before he gave up. “I’ll be back whenever I’m back. I’m gonna take a run to the base then go swing by the Furniture Depot and pick everything up. Be back soon, Lt.” He heard a grunt of acknowledgement and hesitated in the door before he shook his head and headed out to get what they needed done for the day.

--------(Ghost POV)

The tall man laid back on the couch, an arm behind his head and a nagging boredom in the back of his mind. When Johnny was here it was a bit easier to ignore it, to focus on the Scotsman and his burning blue eyes. The scar that cut through his dark brow brought a heat to his own skin as he wore those scars and marks so shamelessly. The black tattoo on his forearm and the one on his back that he had only seen whenever he snuck up on the half-naked man like today.

Without him around though he was left to his own thoughts and desires. Soap had been gone for only fifteen minutes when his boredom won over and he was up and moving around, headed through the kitchen into the back room he had told Soap was of no interest. A washer and dryer sat on one side, and sewing, crochet, and knitting supplies sat on the other side of the room. He eyed the supplies before moving towards them, pulling out an unopened box and opening it with one hand. He dug through the power tools with narrowed eyes before smiling as he pulled out a compact circular saw. The big man gave a quiet nod before he headed back to the living room with an extra battery.

Ghost tested each of them, lips pursing in annoyance when he found that they were both dead. He unplugged the phone chargers in the wall and plugged in the charger for the power tools battery packs letting them sit as he went back to watching the show on the TV. Hazel eyes flicked anxiously to the light on the charger every so often, unable to really focus on the show. The thirtieth time he looked at the charger and still saw the red blinking light his eyes began to wander the room, knowing he would be climbing the walls soon if he didn’t do something.

That was when the sketchbook sitting on the table caught his eye. He hadn’t looked last night but he had been tired, plus Johnny had been sleeping right there, it would have felt wrong to look at it. Hell it felt wrong to look at it now as he reached a hand out to the cover, fingers pausing on the matte black. Soap had sketched half of the night away last night, the pencil dancing over the pages for hours, so long even that he had fallen asleep with the pencil and the book both in his hands.

Ghost tapped a finger against the black cover, reaching up to scratch at his neck as he tried to stop the urge to open it. He shook his head slowly, it was wrong, that was a private expression of himself that Soap had expected it to be respected. It was wrong and he knew he shouldn’t do it. He sat back on the couch, trapping his hands in his armpits to stop himself from opening the cover. That lasted all of thirty seconds though before he sat forward again and thought to himself, ‘Just one and then I’ll close it.’ He opened the cover, turning the book to the side to look down at the picture Soap had outlined on the page.

Cheeks heated up as he looked down at his own image, the outline of his face taking up most of the page along with his neck. Soap had outlined a few scars along his jaw and the one that cut through his lip. He was looking out of the page, a smile suppressed on his face with a glass raised to his mouth. It wasn’t tediously detailed but it got the message across that he had been Soap’s subject last night. He flipped to the next page, he was further away this time. The balaclava covered his face, his chest was bare though and a hand was holding a towel wrapped around his waist, the day Soap’s mom had showed up at his apartment while the Lieutenant was there. He saw a few outlines of his tattoos, namely the sleeve on his arm though it was almost like Soap couldn’t quite remember what it had looked like because there were annoyed scribbles and eraser marks on it, the rest of the picture unfinished.

Again, Ghost flipped to the next page and his eyes widened in surprise before he shut the book quickly, staring down hard at the cover in front of him. One hand held the sketchbook closed and the other was on his mouth, unable to look away from the book but also unable to open it back up. He must have lost track of the time because when he heard the door knob twist and the front door open he hurriedly put the sketchbook back on the table leaning back into the cushions and feigning being relaxed as he pretended to be watching whatever the fuck was on the TV.

-----(Soap POV)

He pushed open the door, pulling a heavy box in behind him, his chest heaving with the effort as he leaned it against the wall of the hallway. Soap glanced at Ghost sitting on the couch and took a deep breath before saying, “I got everything Lt. You wanna put the bed together first and do the rest whenever we get around to it?” He got a stiff nod from the man who was scratching at the beard growth on his face and avoiding his gaze. The Scotsman watched him for a few more moments before shrugging and shaking his head to himself before he headed back out to go get the other boxes. After lugging in the five different boxes Soap shut the door and leaned over to catch his breath. It took a few seconds before he could stand back up straight and leaned over the back of the couch beside Ghost. “Alright you coming to help me or am I putting this shite together myself?”

Ghost cleared his throat and glanced at the boxes leaning on the wall before standing up from the couch, “I’m coming.” He watched the big man grab his crutches up before he headed down the hall to the bedroom.

Soap followed pushing the box until he saw the charger and compact circular saw sitting on the ground by the wall outlet and yelled down the hall at him, “Were you going to use that while I was gone!?” Ghost turned the corner glancing back down the hall but not bothering to answer. “Hey! You don’t get to hobble away, get back here!” Soap continued pushing the box down the hallway after him, “I told you not to do anything stupid!”

Ghost merely shrugged as Soap turned the corner and answered in a gruff voice, “I didn’t. Thought about it, but I didn’t.” Soap glared hard at his back but held his tongue, the man wasn’t wrong. He hadn’t done it at least. Still didn’t make it ok but they could discuss it later, after they got this stupid furniture put together.

#slow burn #soapxghost #soapghost #soap cod #soap #ghostxsoap #ghost cod #ghoap #ghost #simon ghost riley #john soap mactavish #call of duty #modern warfare #modern warfare ii

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nahalism · 6 months

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i was wondering, how did you get to develop your art? im currently in a process where i am trying to experiment and go beyond the need to create art that is realistic (as in "objectively like reality as it is", like I was being told by both school and family). i feel like I struggle a lot to follow my inspiration because of this, and I am also trying to learn how to draw scenes from my own ordinary life, but unfortunately I am quite impatient and frustrated with my inability to create what I wish to create + perfectionism in general makes me scared of using colour as well 😭 I really admire your art so much, both your sketches and finished pieces, and I have always wondered your own learning process throughout the years. please feel free to not reply if you feel uncomfortable cause I know it is a very personal process as well, and above all I hope you are doing well and I am sending you endless love <333

🥺🥺 this is so lovely to receive because if im completely honest there are multiple moments where i feel exactly as you've just described and despite pushing through it, a message like this is very validating that ive progressed in some way

i dont mind sharing at all. i started drawing/painting when i was 21/22 which is relatively late and i was so fearful because despite having a vision for what i wanted to create i lacked any skill that could help me bring what was in my minds eye to fruition. i was also insanely depressed and in the middle of getting my degree at uni (so felt like i had no time to pursue art, at least not to the extent i wanted to). — my plan to get better consisted of multiple things. id draw everyday. i had/have two styles i'd practice, one realism, and the other 'freestyle'? basically draw only from my head and from the rhythms that came naturally to my hand, no references. by doing that, or drawing the human figure/portraits/cars/buildings from my imagination, not only was i reinforcing what id actually learned from my study of the fundamentals, but i was learning to incorporate my own creativity into the rigid structure that sometimes comes from only drawing from reference. by doing that and drawing studies every day i began to build a library in my head of images/poses/character archetypes i could pull from which made drawing from my imagination easier, but also had the structural knowledge of forms/perspective/anatomy to make them look credible. id do this whenever i had free time, and once i left uni began practicing anywhere from 6-9 hours daily. a bit extreme but i felt like i had time to make up for since i started drawing relatively late in life. only tip there is to balance practice with making finished pieces. finished pieces will show you which fundamentals you still need to work on & how much progress you've made. they also show the completion of a thought whereas practice only gives you the tools to bring that thought to reality

just so u know, ur practice of the fundaments is not in vain. you just need to revive your own capacity to draw from your imagination/subconscious. the main thing is knowing your going to find your work horrible for a long time before it gets better. the joy has to come from the process of creating rather than the end product. by the time it gets better, your eye will also have improved, so you still wont be satisfied. thats where growth comes in. being your biggest critic is what will make you great, as long as you remember where you came from (date and keep your work so you can look back on it) and the role criticism plays. separate your skill from your self worth.

something helpful i was once told is along the lines of 'perfectionism is a lie we tell ourselves to justify our procrastination. no one is ever perfect, so the only way to gain skill is to practice. you cant grow if you dont begin. so if your really a perfectionist, your only solution is to start'

i would love to see your work someday and hope i will. wishing you luck and sending you all the courage to begin and be great. you got this <3

#ask

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dumbcoffeebee · 1 year

Text

drops hcs and runs

Diluc-

Ice burn scars on chest & forearms from the fight when Kae got his vision

Lots of scars. Lots. Blades, bludgeoning dmg, various elements from the Fatui hunt or otherwise

Slight permanent tinge of blue/purple at fingertips from being unacclimated to the Snezhnayan weather the first few months of the Fatui hunt (no pyro vision during that time)

More red to his hair, bit of an orange tinge to the ends (make it look more like fire, basically)

By extension he gets grey hairs every once in a while and nobody really comments on them bc yk its Diluc mans is stressed all the time but he dyes them out/plucks them every time he notices them bc it reminds him of his dad when he started using his delusion too much & it makes him sad :(

Thick eyelashes— not super long but really thick

Freckles!! Lots of them!! Resident pretty boy fr

Calloused hands from claymore

Fire burn scars from not knowing how to infuse weapon w/ fire at first

Hawk talon scars on forearm

TAN. TAN. GIVE THIS MAN A TAN. I BEG.

Has the second of Kae’s earrings hanging next to his vision on his belt (sobbing)

Bro used to have sharp teeth but he grinds tf outta them so he should wear a grind plate thing but he doesn’t bc he’s stubborn

Every time he goes like a madlad, which is all the time but yk, he just,, forgets to shave & so it’s not uncommon to see him with like a family of six worth’s of luggage under his eyes & red stubble (little bit of grey in there?)

Oh my god this man’s eye bags. It’s so hot but oh my god the dark circles too?? Holy shit

Used to wear black pencil liner on his waterline (jk he still does esp when he’s doin the whole darknight hero thing OH MY GOD HE TAKES THE MASK OFF AND HE.. OH MY GOD DRAW THAT DRAW THAT NOW JESUS SHIT)

As much as he runs himself ragged he actually has really high personal maintenance esp hygiene-wise like bfr he’s the no.1 most sought after bachelor in Mondstadt for a reason (and it’s not just bc of his money) & that’s also just bc he was raised by Crepus who I feel like believed that no matter who you were or where you came from, everyone is deserving of respect regardless of anything & first impressions are highly important for people like them (direct descendants of the Ragnvindr clan)

So then Diluc has like an eight step skincare routine that he speedruns & I feel like he takes care of his nails really well for some reason??

Circular reddish scarring on left hand from repeated delusion use, both in Snezhnaya & out of it— it looks like a matrix-style computer virus but in his veins

Kaeya

Lets start w/ the obvious. He says there's nothing wrong with his right eye but I beg to differ there’s a long vertical scar in the middle of his eyelid from Diluc’s weapon grazing it in their fight.

As a result its not that sensitive since it was years ago, almost a decade from my math

One eye is blue like we see yes but i hc that the other is like yellow with the star pupil bc mm khaenriah

Once again freckles

Long ass fingers

Ice burn scars on chest from receiving vision & the shield it created, blasting Diluc away from being able to go in for the strike to his chest he was planning.

Constantly cold. Not really appearance but just general temp he’s always cold

Blisters/callouses on fingertips- partly from the ice, partly from training so vigorously with Diluc in swordsmanship.

Very small star tattoo from Khaenriah on inner left forearm like- the crook of it

Dark blue hair like it’s sapphire dark Albedo describes it as flowing jewels with a streak of starlight through it (the lighter streak in his bangs)

Much darker complexion than is shown in game like i hc that he’s half Khaenriahn (well, all Khaenriahn but yk) and half Sumerian on his mother’s side

Lots of scars like his brother. Not to Diluc’s magnitude, but still a lot nonetheless.

Lots of little scars from different elements w/ close calls from abyss mages, ruin guards, etc.

Yet another thing he picked up from Diluc as a child, has a really good hair care routine

Consistently dry skin & eyes from the ice n shit

Muscle spasms & slight numbness in hands from the cold

His smile is the same as it was when he was a kid— when it’s real, that is

Little bit of a tooth gap in his front middle teeth

There’s a theory bopping around that the Alberich clan messed with Kae’s eye, being able to see through it & considering the symbolism with Khaenriah and eyes it makes a lot of sense, as well as his turning his back on his clan and nation in favor of Mondstadt would make the eyepatch much more of a useful thing beyond appearances, refusing to let whatever higher Abyssal powers get intel on Mondstadt by his doing.

Traveler Lumine-

Constantly getting new scars & bruises (she has a knack for worrying Paimon)

Lets her hair grow out- it reminds her of Aether. (she ends up cutting it short again save for her bangs in an episode, and she says it’s better for fighting that way anyway.)

Lightning scars from anti-raiden shogun training (she still slightly distrusts Yae Miko for that), as well as getting struck down constantly in Inazuma- they’re all over her spine, shoulder blades, neck, hands, legs, everything. She jumps every time lightning cracks in a storm, whipping around as if to lunge at the next thing that moves

Various elemental-caused scarring from mastering different elements- that’s why she prefers Anemo, it does the least long-term damage to her body and it’s easiest for her to control because she’s had it the longest

Oh my god her hands are filled with callouses, they’re so rough yet her touch is so soft girlie is pretty <33

Her hair is consistently knotty and dirty- what can I say, the girl doesn’t get to thoroughly shower much, especially before getting the teapot

Literally every item of clothing she owns is stained. Noelle is her saviour every time she comes back to Mondstadt for insisting on getting the stains out and patching her clothes up for her/redoing Lumi’s shoddy patch jobs— sewing was always Aether’s thing.

This isn’t new for me but she and Aether have matching earrings— his is still black in the Abyss but he never takes it out, the only time he tried he got a gut punch of regret and feeling like he was viscerally betraying some unspoken binding law, and Lumi has never even tried taking it out, always cherishing how it connects her to her brother no matter where he is, changing colors with each nation closer she gets to finding him and bringing him home to her.

May the Seven help the monster that rips it out as she’s fighting. You think you’ve seen Lumine seething with unbridled rage until you saw what happened to every monster in a 700 m radius of her that night. It makes her grinding teeth and piercing stares that could kill look like child’s play in comparison. Tears rivered down her cheeks and sobs wracked her body as she staggered towards the nearest teleport waypoint, seeking out the one statue she finds the most comfort in. Under the tree of Windrise, she places the earring back into the slit where it once hung as Barbatos’s statue seals her wounds and encloses her earring back into place, housing her safely for the night high in the tree, the wind god watching over his warrior.

She handles her injuries well, both physical and mental. It’s only in the teapot, secluded in her room with Paimon and a German shepard from Mondstadt as her only comfort, that she lets her cries rock her to sleep.

Although a nuisance while swimming, she’s always thankful for the white and grey armor she had gotten custom-made after her initiation as honorary knight at the start of her travels.

Every region she’s traveled through, she’s made sure to acquire a signature accessory, displaying them on her dresser in the teapot and wearing them when she misses those in other nations.

Makes it a habit that every first new flower she picks up gets pressed in her adventure journal. Her favorite has always been the windwheel asters.

Lumine is always the one to protect Paimon, so the first time her floating companion throws herself in between her and the enemy, she makes a vow to herself to never let harm come to the best travel guide in all of Teyvat, even if it costs her everything.

Lumi is often off put by quiet things, preferring to let every noise filter through her. As a result, she ends up seeming very aloof and reserved, but she’s really just studying everything she can get her eyes on. She often forgets to even speak, despite being active in conversations with others mentally, and the link between her and Paimon forged after their many travels has allowed for Paimon to be able to speak up for Lumine in most situations, with well-enough accuracy. Paimon uses this to great degree when she can sense Lumine becoming overwhelmed and nonverbal, subbing in for her, as well as for phrases and words Lumine had not yet learnt in the common language of Teyvat at the start of her adventures. While the language barrier is much less of a problem now, Paimon still often speaks up for Lumine when the ladder starts feeling overwhelmed and anxious, something she greatly appreciates.

When Lumine finds it difficult to sleep, she often ends up taking walks around wherever she’s staying, most often the teapot or whatever hotel she can find. She finds the moon and stars calming, knowing every time she lays eyes on Celestia that she and Aether will one day return to those gates and conquer the one who had separated them 500 years ago. She finds comfort in knowing she and her brother can and will be reunited.

Despite “The Traveler” being a well-known enigma across Teyvat, most end up not being able to recognize her on the streets until she eventually ends up saving their country. She wonders what it would be like to be able to live in anonymity for eternity, not having to put everything on the line in trade for simple recognition?

Despite the familiarity of her armor and dress, she often wonders what the fashion of different nations would be like to wear. That is, until she sees the price tag, resolving to save her Mora for better equipment instead.

God I have so many brain melt heartache traveler ideas

Lumine is always gentle with animals out of compassion, but it never occurs to people why she is so ruthlessly efficient with what she dismantles or kills— ever since the incident with Dain in the Chasm, she has vowed to make whatever suffering of Abyss creatures brief, viewing her extermination of camps as early releases from the curse of the Abyss. She couldn’t handle thinking about it any other way. She couldn’t let herself view them as anything more than things to be put out of their misery after learning the truth of their existence.

#genshin #genshin hcs #genshin impact #kaeya #kaeya genshin impact #kaeya headcanons #diluc #diluc genshin impact #diluc headcanons #traveler #genshin traveler #genshin impact traveler #lumine #lumine genshin impact #traveler lumine #rambles #beelikesgenshin #Bee stfu #long post

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riverofrainbows · 1 year

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I get kind of really annoyed with how much some people focus on and how much they ascribe to "female socialization", as well as how universal they apply it, especially in regards to trans men and transmasc people.

I do think that there is some aspects worth discussing of this, but like i said not in the way these people do it.

"Ooh everyone who is afab has these same experiences, we all know how it feels to (be harrassed, be catcalled, have our clothes policed, be told we're not as capable, etc)"

And like yeah probably a lot of people that are perceived as women have some of these experiences. Sexism and misogyny do exist.

But not all of us? And not all experiences? And while we're at it, not all trans men/trans masc people even grew up perceived as women if they came out as a child.

And they always take it to the next step that therefore all afab people share this communal trauma of men, which is where the radical feminism and terf ideology comes in.

This also relies on the assumption that all "female socialization" and "afab experience" is shaped by misogyny perpetuated by men. A lot of misogyny is perpetuated by women (for example the rampant diet culture that is especially put onto children perceived and raised as girls). A lot of strict gender roles for girls and boys are enforced by women, since the majority of child rearing is still done by women. Sure more men are misogynistic, and it's more often men who perpetuate street harrassment, yes. But that is not the only part of daily life.

And the next part is the assertion that "female socialization" that is put onto a transmasc person is then also internalised by that person. If you hear "girls should do this" but you know you're not a girl, you will not internalise it the same way a girl will. There is a bunch of gendered messaging that people will subconsciously absorb in some way, and yes how someone is treated in daily life affects them, but trans people will always have a different experience than peers assigned the same gender at birth, and even cis kids will have, sometimes strongly, varying life experiences. The middle class christian white cis het able-bodied neurotypical female experience that terfs and radfems trout as universal doesn't exist, neither for all women nor afab people, nor at all.

And whenever they try to draw on that supposed "universal trauma of men" to spread their ideology, to shape discussions and claim certain transphobic statements, it really stands out as odd to me because the emotional manipulation through reminding people of trauma or bad experiences they had doesn't work on me, so the base for their following argument doesn't exist.

I have had very little bad gendered experiences in my life. And i know i am somewhat just statistically lucky, because i know it does happen to people I'm not denying that. But i have very little negative impact of that proposed "female socialization", nor much of such a socialisation at all. And not in a tomboy 'my father taught me how to repair cars' way, i did learn how social rules apply to me while i move through the world perceived as a woman/girl and my parents also gave me information on that. But i never had much of what is usually claimed as part of growing up as an afab person. My parents never put gendered expectations on me. Never restricted my food, or forced me on a diet. Never policed my clothing, never policed even the style of clothing. When i started to dress masculinely after i realised i am trans, they never bat an eye even before coming out. They gifted me whatever was on my wishlist, both feminine stuff and remote controlled race cars (and mostly books). I have never been told i am less capable of anything, i actually always heard, from everywhere, that girls can be whatever they want, and that you can be a girl however way you want (and i never heard similar messaging aimed at boys in the scope of gendered messaging i witnessed. I was aware of sexism and that that's why it was especially aimed at girls, but i never heard any of that supposed already plentiful messaging directly told to boys my age). Our period products are and were always out in the open, my father was never weird about it and went with me to my first gynaecologist appointment. I would walk through the apartment half dressed in underwear to ask him to close my dresses. I never had many bad experiences with boys growing up, mostly because i also didn't know any boys; I went to an all girls school, i didn't have any friends so that included boys, i mostly just read books (and my parents never policed or even commented on what books i was reading. My father also recommended me his favourite scifi books, since i always loved fantasy and scifi). Most bad experiences growing up were with girls, through bullying and the girls in school finding me weird due to my autism and because i wasn't really girly or easily connected through girl experiences (i also thought I had internalised misogyny when it was just dysphoria). Most medical bad experiences were with female doctors and medical personnel, including two female gynaecologists. I have had a gross sexual comment made to me twice in my whole life. I never had a bad experience while dating because i have never dated anyone. The closest i have come to dating i did not have any particularly bad gendered experiences, nor really bad ones at all, just awkward experiences.

What i am trying to say with this is that i never experienced "the communal afab trauma" and i know that terfs and radfems are full of shit and purposefully ignore intersectionality and nuance, as well as don't actually care about women.

I did notice and experience some negative effects of sexism and misogyny in societal messaging, like the oversexualisation of female characters, awareness of gender stereotypes and strict gender roles, also i recently noticed i always buy tight or even slightly too tight clothing due to the way womens clothes affected me (that i wore until a few years ago). I am also acutely aware of the gender disparity in healthcare and medical research that is absolutely appalling. I am a feminist and I know that sexism and misogyny exist (and affect others often more than me) and i advocate against it wherever it's possible for me to do so. But i do not share some universal female/afab experience and most definitely not some "female socialization" the way terfs and radfems and those who are sipping the radfems juice claim the world works and try fo force onto trans people (especially transmasc people) in order to perpetuate transphobia of all kinds.

(because in the same vein, some mystical "male socialisation" does not apply to trans women and transfem people in the way terfs and radfems claim, nor does it exist the way they claim it to)

#own post #tw mention of harrassment #transphobia #transandrophobia

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