#my birthday is on thursday and im turning 20 so i wanted to do something nice

[roving-boi]

Dear Diary..

Hey, so a little good news is I have no school on Monday. Sooo we got a 3 day weekend. Today’s Thursday. So not quite Friday yet. I have a math test to do soon but instead of studying here I am talking about my dumb feelings again. Also some good news is me and my best friend Cristine are gonna play life is strange together. So, I know I don’t really talk about her because I’ve been so fixated on my boyfriend and stuff, but y’know we can give the Simon talk a slight rest for a minute. I’ve been so obsessed with life is strange since it first came out like 8 years ago almost. Well, they put out this remastered version of the first and prequel game. So of course I bought it. Buttt I did wait for it because it was a bit rough at launch unfortunately.

Y’know I really hate getting so excited for a game to come out and then when it does it’s an absolute disaster. I feel like they don’t care about pushing out quality these days. But it’s been about a year now and I think the game is fixed up enough for me to enjoy it. They reanimated the characters and fixed their facial expressions and added some graphical touches to the game and the like. It’s not worth the price though. 40 bucks for both games. Sounds fair right? But not when you consider the fact that the original games are like 20 bucks together. So they doubled the price. I mean I guess it’s understandable but it really isn’t acceptable when you release a broken mess.

Anyway, yeah I bought it. And today after school I’m hoping that I could stream the game for awhile and have Cristine watch me play. I just have the feeling she’d really enjoy it. Honestly the game is so cozy feeling. I love max’s personality. I think Chloe is pretty cool, and I love the art style of the game. I remember I used to stick my hand out and pretend I was rewinding time or something. A little like how I used to pretend pencils were Harry Potter wands. Speaking of that, the new hogwarts legacy game just came out but it’s like extremely controversial because the author of the Harry Potter books is a bit of a bigot and uhhh yeah.. I’m still going to get the game for my birthday, which is coming up in April. I don’t really care about rowling’s business. Im not trying to sound rude or anything. But cmon just let me please enjoy my stupid wizard fantasy in peace.

In other news Simon and I talked about children again. Of course that didn’t turn out well. I don’t think I really want to have a child, but y’know I’m too young to really make that decision and opinion anyway. But the topic came up or something and he was talking about how he doesn’t wanna adopt or anything and I suggest he have his sister surrogate. Y’know there’s nothing really wrong with that. Im just suggesting a method that would technically work IF he wanted to have a child that was genetically accurate. Of course, he shut me down immediately after the suggestion and said it was “hella fucking weird” and this and that. Like okay calm down, it was only a hypothetical suggestion. I’m just saying if for whatever reason you DID end up wanting a kid that’s just a method. That’s all. Gosh. And to be reasonable here it’s not really that weird, at least I don’t think so.

But aside from that fiasco, I’m really wondering if he actually does want a child or not. I feel like maybe he thinks about it, but doesn’t wanna have one while in a uh.. gay relationship. I don’t know maybe I’m wrong. But it feels like if he did want a child, it would be proper. Y’know, between a man and a woman, and a typical genetically accurate child. I mean, I guess that’s not wrong to feel that way. But again I could just be wrong. He probably really doesn’t actually want a child at all and I’m just being dumb and overthinking the situation. I don’t even really want one myself at the moment anyway. So i dunno why I’m looking into it so much.

I did find it a red flag however when we talked about marriage and he said he doesn’t want to marry me. Then blames it on his family. It’s understandable? But like cmon that’s really off putting and i dunno how else to say that.

Anyway guess I’m signing off for now, I hope today turns out good.

[remingt0nleith]

thorns | remington leith

try & find the hidden palaye royale song title in the fic! & additional A/N at the end. 

A/N: hi wow long time no write :( SORRY! I have ideas and I try to write then my brain just doesn’t want to put the ideas on the word document. + y’know having depression doesn’t help things bleh... BUT I did write a full something finally (yay bare minimum author things!) This was requested! gonna keep trying to turn out requests & work on dark cherries also my birthday is on thursday and i’m turning 24 (wow im getting old help) & also the bastards comes out the day after so yay! lets chat about it when its out ok?

Request: Where Remington cheats on the reader and she finds out, but he does everything he can to get her back? 

Thorns - A Remington Leith one-shot. || 1.9K words || under cut.

The catalyst for a ruined night came in a round of shots. Emerson poured the amber liquid into hot pink shot glasses that the boys had picked up days prior. Remington wasted no time in downing his, barely flinching at the bitter taste that now coated his tongue. 

“Slow down there, cowboy” 

Sebastian laughed before throwing his own shot back, placing a hand on Remington’s cheetah print covered shoulder.

“We can’t have our lead singer fucked up out of his mind, can we?” 

The eldest brother chided playfully as he took the bottle from Emerson and poured more shots.

As the brothers drank and talked anxiously about their first show of a new tour, Remington’s phone buzzed in his back pocket, taking it out he suppressed an eye-roll at the message filling his screen;

My Love <3: HEY BABY JUST WANT TO WISH U LUCK TONIGHT YOU’LL KILL IT. LOVE U. 

He wasn’t sure what had gotten into him lately, usually, he’d be thrilled at the love and adoration his girlfriend of three years was showing him. She was always cheering him on, listening to his music, and supporting his band in every way she could. Although she was unable to come to most shows due to a fast-paced work schedule she always made a point to let the band of brothers know they had her support. That should’ve been enough to keep Remington happy but recently he had become cold towards his girlfriend and as he put his phone away without responding all thoughts of her disappeared as well. 

Remington headed backstage after the show still high from the performance. The adrenaline from the encouraging crowd and kick-ass concert his band delivered had Remington feeling happier than he had in months. Once in the dressing room, the boys quickly changed out of their sweaty stage attire into more relaxed outfits, and like clockwork, shots were once again being handed out.

Once everyone had a decent buzz going the boys and their crew headed out to a nearby nightclub to celebrate the success of the show. Remington realized halfway to the club that he had forgotten his phone in the dressing room, a fact that didn’t phase him, in fact he was happy to be rid of the constant ringing. 

Once inside the packed club, Remington waved goodbye to his brothers and made his way to the bar.  His buzz had diminished slightly in the car ride and that was a no go for Remington so he ordered a drink, which quickly became two, then three before he headed to the dance floor. 

Packed in a sea of bodies the singer danced to the music, enjoying the happiness that came from the night’s events as well as the alcohol in his system. When a manicured hand grabbed him and pulled him close, he didn’t object, instead, he wrapped his arms around the dark-haired beauty. 

The pair danced together to the techno music blaring overhead, strobe lights illuminating their faces, hands roaming freely over each other’s bodies before the woman leaned in and planted a sloppy kiss to Remington’s lips. 

If there was a moment of panic, a spark of recognition somewhere in the sober part of his mind, Remington ignored it. Instead, he deepened the kiss with the gorgeous stranger, when the pair eventually pulled away from the kiss, they headed to the bar for more drinks. 

When Sebastian came to let Remington know it was time to head to the hotel, the frontman wasted no time in asking this new girl if she’d like to go with him. Much to the dismay of the older (and wiser) brother, she said yes and everyone piled into the van and were chauffeured back to the hotel to continue the party. 

Morning light filtered through the window a sign of a new day, but as Remington opened his eyes the gravity of last night hit him. He was alone in his hotel bed, the white sheets crumpled and covered in streaks of makeup (his or hers, he wasn’t sure). Flashbacks of last night filled his mind and all at once he realized the hickeys on his body were from a stranger, the realization filled him with shame and dread. 

He found his phone which had been placed on his nightstand by one of his brothers or their touring manager (who always cleaned up after the boys’ wild nights) and on it were several unread texts and calls which came in at varying points of the evening. 

[9:13 pm] My Love <3: It should be time for u boys to be on stage! I’ll be stalking twitter for updates and vids love u 

[12:02 am] My Love <3: Watched a ton of vids that are already being posted! Get back to me when u get this my love so proud of u xx 

[3:56 am] My Love <3: Guess your phone died or your out celebrating a great night. Call me when you see this or wake up. I love you. 

[10:20 am] 5 missed calls

[10:27 am] *attached photo* REMINGTON.... FUCK YOU.

The photo on his phone screen displayed the girl from last night under the covers as a passed out Remington slept beside her. The caption didn’t say anything besides a winking emoji and she tagged him and his band’s account. 

Instantly, he was dialing his girlfriend’s number, hands shaking as he paced around the spacious hotel room desperately waiting for an answer.

“Hello?” 

Rose answered, soft voice hoarse from hours of crying. 

“Fuck, I’m so sorry..” 

Remington started to explain, words tumbling out of his mouth faster than he could form them.

“Save it” 

Rose snapped before continuing her voice harder and more assured now than it was just moments ago. 

“I never thought you’d do this even as the band started to gain an audience, I told myself that I had nothing to worry about. All the pretty girls and boys didn’t matter because what we had was strong but it sucks being proven wrong huh?” 

Remington’s sudden surge of tears prevented him from speaking as the pain in his chest grew with each word. The saddest part of it all was that she was right and that ripped him up inside. 

“Rose I-” 

he whispered, voice barely audible even to himself. 

Instead of an answer he was left hearing the sound of the call disconnecting. 

The tour passed by in a daze for Remington and while his brothers desperately wanted him to be more present, they understood. He’d get on stage and sing, forgetting about the pain in his heart for that hour or so, as soon as the curtain closed the ache in his chest was back, a cruel reminder to the life-changing mistake he’d made.

Rose had cut off all contact with her now ex-boyfriend instead choosing to go through Emerson to inform him she was moving out of their shared apartment in LA. 

Each night in his hotel bed, memories of the past three years filtered through his brain until he exhaustingly cried himself to sleep. 

Remington used Emerson’s phone to send a series of texts to Rose to apologize, to accept full responsibility but the only reply he received was instructions to give Emerson his phone back and to leave her alone.

Just as quickly as the tour started it was now coming to a close a few months later. The boys were back in LA for a sold-out show in typical Los Angeles fashion. Remington never stopped trying to get ahold of Rose -- he sent flowers to her new address, letters where he begged for her back, apologizing and pleading for her forgiveness yet he was never awarded a reply. He didn’t blame her at all but that didn’t mean the pain hurt any less, he’d do anything for a second chance. 

Shots of vodka were taken, cheers and high fives were given and the boys hit the stage.  Remington gazed out into the crowd, a see of silhouettes behind bright stage lights.  After a few songs, Remington sat down at the end of the stage, dark boots quietly thumping against the side. 

“Y’know fans like to think we’re perfect” 

he stated which earned a chorus of “I love you’s” as well as cheers from the crowd. 

He smiled before continuing, 

“As much as I love to hear it, it’s not true and sometimes we royally fuck up. I fucked up and these past few months have been hell so I wrote this song.”

The crowd applauded as they watched their favorite singer head to the piano, the spotlight shining on him as he sat down. 

“This song is called Thorns,” 

Remington began to play a hauntingly slow ballad about losing the love of your life and how apart of you is lost as well. 

The pain in my heart is defeating me

Cracking me open for all to see

I’m numb to life, deep inside

Needing you to realize, you’re the better part of me

An illusion of love is what I fear

Taking each step is now unclear

A rose garden in my dreams,

You leaving now in front of me

Take my heart it’s filled with thorns

A rose trapped inside a perfect storm

Throw me to the wolves I’m on my knees

Begging for my rose to please believe

I made a mistake that I can see

Yet this pain without you is deafening

My heart of thorns cuts me deep 

Paralyzing me and making me weak

Please my rose I beg you, have sympathy.

The rose garden in my dreams,

But you’re leaving right now in front of me

Take my heart it’s filled with thorns

A rose trapped inside a perfect storm

Throw me to the wolves I’m on my knees

Begging my rose to please believe 

I love you Rose it’s all I know, I’m sorry for all my sorrow

By the time the song ended, Remington had tears blurring his vision. He was so wrapped up in playing the song he didn’t realize he had started to cry but to the audience that just made it so much more beautiful. 

After the show, Remington hurried off the stage in order to collect his emotions but in the dressing room sat Rose. Her blonde hair was curled and she wore a red dress and in a true movie moment a dozen roses sat in her lap. 

“Rem that song…” 

she started but before she could finish, Remington ran over and threw his arms around her, hugging her to make sure she wasn’t just a figment of his imagination.

“I’m so sorry”

he whispered once she hugged back. 

“The flowers were from Seb” 

Rose mumbled, green eyes flicking down to them after their hug. Sebastian must have ordered them because he knew what Remington was planning. That was his older brother alright, always playing the papa bear role. 

The singer’s mind was racing a mile a minute, he had a million questions but all he could do was apologize. 

Rose shushed him with a chaste kiss before speaking,

“By no means have I forgiven you completely. That song however beautiful doesn’t make everything go away but I’m willing to work on us”

Remington nodded, happy she was here and willing to give their relationship another shot.

“I’m willing to do whatever it takes,” 

he whispered, wrapping her in another hug.

They knew it would be a long road to get back to where they were before but Remington was happy he had his Rose back in his life. 

xx

A/N: omg that song was not that good I came up with it on my own though and I’m not a lyricist lol hope u enjoyed xx 

#remington leith fic #remington leith imagine #remington leith #request #palaye royale fic #palaye royale imagine

[usedtobeyours]

try hard dick energy: a fairytale

try hard dick energy got his nickname after almost 3 months of me seeing him

he used to be soft dick energy first. 

we met through friends, as i usually like it to go. 

on a regular thursday, we started chatting and we kind of fit. his music seemed to be a perfect match to my favorites. i listened to his playlist that whole week. 

a week later we met at said friends’ home, on the day before a holiday. 

my first impression was meh. but than again, it had been over 5 months since i even kissed another guy. 

conversation went on, and my thinking was: wow, i can actually be friends with this dude

then we got drunk and he ended up waiting for when my friend went to the bathroom to kiss me. again, a meh kinda kiss. but again, 5 months. it still felt nice, butterflies and all. 

i was on my period, maybe day four of it. after my friend went to sleep, we started drunkenly making out and he tried taking my clothes off. i was like no, no way, i have my period. and he said he didn’t mind. i wasnt sure i did. 

then, a call that was just the best to get. friend #2 coming home from a date. we chatted on the dining room and i tried keeping her there for as long as i could before she started bobbing her head. to this day, he swears i was making faces at her for her to leave. that’s certainly not how i remember that. 

she went to bed, we made out for a while, i took my menstrual cup out and we fucked. and we slept just as we were. i don’t remember much, but i do remember him saying: “was it too fast?” and like a good girl, i said it didnt matter. that’s how he got his soft dick energy nickname as i retold that story on the day after.

oh, the day after. we slept at around 6, and he was out of the apartment as i was still sleeping. my friends and i wanted to go to the beach, but that part of the story doesn’t matter much for this tale. we talked. and talked.

on thursday, two days later, i was headed to my guy best friend’s house bringing my other best friend - #1 from the first story. he picked us up from her place - his place was closest to my guy best friends house, but he did it anyway. we sat, and we got high, and drunk. we made out whenever everybody wasn’t around. i had to teach him that people don’t smoke inside people’s homes without asking - and in the window. duh.  

he then left for a weekend away with his friends. it was the first time i missed him, and i spiraled into a weird depression mood from lack of attention. that’s how needy i was. am. 

from then on we didn’t see each other for two whole weeks. he traveled, then i traveled, and weekdays were never his thing. we still talked everyday, and kept up with each others lives. we shared stickers, and said we missed each other. just the weird 16 year-old romance i yearned for. 

we met again three weeks later. he really wanted to go to my girl best friend’s house, but she didn’t really want him there. we went for a beer on the beach - which turned into 6 really quick. by 10 pm, he forced his way into my girlfriends’ house, even though she didnt want him there. we made out a bit, and he left. i was so in love.

then the chat continued slower than before. carnaval went by, he didn’t want to join us for it. i moved, he didn’t want to come by. we seemed to chat, but it always revolved around him. he took up 3 weeks of my therapy sessions, but i kept chatting. it was good. it filled up my neediness - and my time. it was like a long distance relationship. weekends were lonely and kind of sad. my luck is that bracco was in rio, and i was getting to know noemi. they kept me busy. 

he moved into a new apartment. it was around his birthday. i think it 15 days that we didnt see each other, but it felt like a month. that day it was all SO clear to me. 

you invited me over to your place. i hadnt seen you in forever, but you said i shouldnt bring anything. i drank a beer on my way there, out of nervousness. i also brought you m&ms. your roommate was wearing a bra in the living room. she was nice, we drank beer, smoked, and chatted. it felt weird. and then, she came up with the whole depressed comment.

let me explain: we were talking about her sabbatical, she wanted to go away for a year once she was 27. i was sharing resources and a bit of my miami experience. she then said: “oh, miami. thats where you got depression”. as if depression was something you catch. as if i told her about it. as if you told her about it and she felt we had a relationship where she could just bring that up?! not sure. i was weirded out for the rest of the night. at some point, you brought me into your room and kissed me. i couldnt really get into it. you said: “we dont have to do anything”, but you kept kissing and groping me. it’s not like you backed off and said: “whats going on?”

so i caved, and we fucked. and it was mechanical. and short. and plain out boring. i left 20 minutes after, and you seemed to be happy i did. 

my brain was a mix of feelings. i was in love, but then everything about that night was so fucking weird. being with you felt weird. the next day, you were weird too... i tried calling, but you called me back right when it was bbb time. 

and i was talking to noemi in the balcony, and it was a whole thing about not being available for people who dont show themselves available. we didnt talk again until saturday, and i decided to cut you off for good. i unfollowed you on social, unfollowed myself from your page, deleted your number. it wasnt until wednesday that you realized and reached out. 

you were all: we havent talked to each other in a week, and im also to blame for that... and so i told you i was upset about more than one thing that happened on wednesday, you exposed me to your roommate and i felt invaded. so i decided to pull myself away from this relationship. you apologized, but took no responsability for the rest of non caring. and thats what i wanted. so i cut you off. 

it was two weeks, and two therapy sessions in which my therapist said i should have talked to you before cutting you off. and turning you off was good: i started focusing on shit that mattered to me. 

but then i rethought it all. and i said, maybe we should have a grown up conversation. so i followed you, and opened up the conversation again. you said you were happy - you never thought you’d hear from me again. 

but you did. and i told you i was open for talking, and for getting things back as they were. you said you were too, but then you disappeared for two other weeks. 

and i felt done. over it. truly with no intent to see it moving. conversation was off and on. until last week it took on again. and we chatted for two days before you suggested a visit to my place. i was okay with it, cause then again, quarantine neediness is always present. and - for the first time ever - you were here on friday. you brought wine and condensed milk.

we chatted for two hours and it was boring as fuck. i hoped my roomies would join us. they did. and so did our friends. we drank and smoked and talked until 2, once again. but you decided to stay over, they went home, and it was just the two of us. 

i wanted to sleep. everything felt so fucking awkward. i pretended to fall asleep while you cuddled me. so fucking odd. i just wanted to me alone and starfish my bed while hovering all my pillows. and then you noticed i wasn’t up for sex, or making out for that matter.

you asked: are you still upset over my roommate?

i said no. why would i be? we talked it over and it’s over. do you want to talk about this still?

you said no. but you still felt something wrong.

and i said, yes. something is wrong. sex has never been good with you. i need you to have something we call pegada.

and you made an excuse once or twice. but somehow we hooked up again and you had pegada.

we fucked, and it was good, for once. better than “huh, i guess i had sex”

i fell asleep, feeling it was so weird to have you here.

i woke up to my alarm, got ready, and you wouldnt budge. i said i had to go, and you said you wanted to sleep in. i said i would be back in an hour, and i went to work.

you texted at work. you used my computer and god knows what you digged up off it. 

and then i came back, we had breakfast, and you didnt want to leave. we cuddled and watched a show. you tried kissing me but position was all weird. yet, it was good having you around.

you had a whole 2 hour meeting in my bedroom, in my computer. shivers. the whole time i was telling my roommate: the affection is nice, but oh no, im done.

and after your meeting we fucked gooood good. you got a promotion on your soft dick title. and fuck, i fell into it as well.

you left right after, as if you knew you got me hooked again. and again, chatting daily, you dont feel there. but we made plans for saturday.

mafe, mafe. why again. this boy definetly doesnt want you the same way you want him. yet you;re still there, as available as ever... i thought writing this might give me clarity. nope. 

[oh-theatre]

Objection!: Chapter 20

Chapter title: To Thine Own Self

A/n:  TALK ABOUT A BAD CHAPTER AM I RIGHT FELLAS...EYYYYYY. Anyway its Virgils birthday so i wanted to get this chapter out earlier!! Because my boi!! its his birthday!! Im love him!! Im very sorry to how bad this chapter is, its funny cause it basically contains nothing of substance. All I know is that Virgil is a flirty man, anyway enjoy some trash!!

First | Previous | Next

words: 3221

summary: Its Virgils birthday!

pairings: Eventual logicality, prinxiety, platonic demus, romantic remile

warnings: Murder mention, child murder, Law and Courtroom, swearing, blood, hospital, crime scene,  murder, gun mention, guns, swearing, abuse, graphic descriptions, alcohol, blood mention

Ao3 Link  

“Lo?” Patton shakes the lawyer softly, his coat tickling his face softly. Logan startles awake, his glasses falling carefully upon his lopsided face.

“E! Equals Mc scared!” He exclaims, Virgil groans from across the room toppling over to where Remy snores. “What time is it” Logan murmurs, sitting up as he adjusts his glasses. The knot tightens as Patton watched Logan adapt to the morning. His face flustered as the lawyer looked his way. “Oh, good morning Patton” Logan greets.

“Hi” He barely squeaks, he shakes himself out before extending his hand to Logan. Once their fingers connect, a quick warmth spreads over them, their bubble returns locking them safely away from the world. Soon Remy snores himself awake, pop! Patton watches as the bubble crumbles around them. “W-what happened here?” He questions, turning away from Logan.

“The case!” Virgil remembers “Patton! We have something to show you!” He rushes, swiftly taking Patton's hand unbeknownst to the quiet panic that flows over Patton. The relief when Virgil releases him is almost too much, its silly he knows but its a reflex. “Ok, we stayed up all night working on this” He shows Patton the board

“It was all a lie?” Patton reads, his soft eyes tracing the plethora of evidence. “What does that mean?” He inquires, the others turn to each other not sure how to respond. “You all need sleep” Patton decides, he adjusts his scarf making his way towards the door.

“Pat, come on” Logan begs, the lawyer turns cocking his head. “This has to mean something, I believe you ok?” Logan states Patton swallows. “George is innocent”

You'd think after months of fighting tooth and nail, Patton would gleam at those words. But as his eyes fell upon Logans, his entire body felt exhausted, defeated from the battle. Should he never emerge victorious he had already lost, lost something so special, nothing else compared.

“Maybe, but it doesn't matter now” Patton laments “Nothing we can do” He watches the board, a heavyweight places itself upon his chest. Pushing deeply as it constricts his every movement. He sees the others want to say more, after all, they had spent all night, sloppily theorizing. However, the doors opened as two small pairs of feet ran towards him.

“Papa!” Valerie cries jumping into her father's arms. Patton embraces her freely, preparing as Remus joins him, allowing himself to sit in Patton's other arm. After a brief shriek of laughter and moment of kisses, Patton smiles at Emile.

“Thank you so much for taking them last night” Patton gestures, wanting to never let this moment end. The dream he’d held for so long, sometimes he wondered how it ever became a reality. How he, out of all people, was blessed with children.

“Liam?” Patton calls listening as the door squeaked open, a piercing yet familiar sound. After a pause with no response, the lawyer stood from his desk, feeling lightheaded during this dark hour. He pushes through the house, stumbling blindly, a quick fear as rustles happen. He shakes his head allowing a quick smile to spread across his face. “Nothing to fear, I'm safe” He lies

“Cupcake?” A voice from out of the empty dark calls out, Patton really hated the nickname. Oh, how selfish that was. A sweet nickname, a sweet person and Patton hated it.

“Over here” He replies, his hands searching the wall finally reaching the lights. Allowing them to flicker awake. “Hi” He smiles softly, Liam grunts practically tripping over himself as he reaches the couch. Patton leans over, kissing his forehead carefully, adjusting his partner's hair.

“Beer” Liam requests, paying no mind to the kind gesture Patton performs. He could smell the alcohol practically wafting off of Liam, but it was late and he didn't have the energy to...run if need be. Once he returns with his opener, he sits. “What?” Liam mutters as Patton watches him expectantly.

“I was wondering if you had any more time to think...about what I asked you?” Patton began slow, making sure to keep his words simple. Liam huffs, rolling his tired eyes.

“You think you can raise children?” Liam mocks, Patton looks to the window, something comforting about the way the stars twinkled. It reminded him of someone, he couldn't pin it. He smiles again, a facade arises.

“I do, and I think you can too” Patton hopes, more convincing himself really.

“Then you are a fool and really naive if you think that pursuing this is a good thing” Liam finishes, the beer emptied before Patton can process his words. He tumbles as he makes his way mumbling angry to the room. A practically shattered Patton remains, the softest of tears fall from his eyes.

“Patton?” Logan waves gently in front of his face. The lawyer blinks before the lights come back on behind his eyes. He shakes slightly adjusting to his surroundings, shooting a quick look to his children.

“Sorry, must've spaced out!” He smiles shaky, nervous laughter practically pouring from him. “I'm really sorry but I have to go” he announces, the twin's yawn, leaning safely into their father. They loved Emile, they loved all of their dad's friends, but no place, no home, no person would ever feel as safe as Patton. Before he goes, Patton spins on his heel to face Virgil. “Hey, don't forget, my house this Thursday, birthday dinner” He reminds, Virgil bites down a smirk but nods

“You know it” He nods, almost excited at the prospect of some normalcy to return to his life. For almost the entire time he and Patton knew one another, Virgil would spend his birthday evenings at Patton's house. The lawyer would cook an extravagant meal full of the detectives' favorite foods, he would give him gifts and shower him with praises. It didn't change once the kids arrived, it simply improved. No matter what happened during the day, that was set. Breakfast with Roman, lunch with Logan perhaps. A quick ‘Happy Birthday Virge’ from either sure, but Patton's house, seven pm sharp? That was set in stone, and should they grow old, and expand their families far and wide. Virgil knew...it would always be like that.  

~~~

“And...done!” Roman cheers to himself, the rough tips of his fingers simply begging for a break. He marvels at his creation, nodding satisfied as he places the gift delicately in his drawer. Making sure its kept safe and hidden until Thursday.

“Judge Reial?” A rasped knock at the door beckons Roman's attention. His gaze falls upon a man waiting at his arch. He stands smiling as the man approaches. “I'm judge James McCoy” He greets, shaking his extended hand. A firm yet soft touch, a quick shiver as they part both sitting once more. “It's an honor to meet you” James admits, Roman feels his face arise. The heat spreading quickly, surely this was a joke?

“Likewise?” He tries, James chuckles. A deep boom, so smooth it moved across Roman pleasantly.

“Apologies, I just transferred here. I've read about your work...I mean you're incredible in court.” Roman had to wonder if he had the wrong person, he was just...himself. “I was requested to come here for a case, then I was offered a job and I wasn't going to miss the opportunity to work with you” He gushes, Romans blush only grows.

“That's so sweet thank you” Roman finds his bearings, a coy smile upon his face. “I mean, I get it all the time” He jokes, mission successful as yet another smile and laugh falls from James’s mouth. “Surely you didn't just move out here for me?”

“Don't flatter yourself” James teases, a smirk upon his face. Roman bites his lip stifling a laugh. “No I mean, I was iffy about taking the job but then my partner….he broke up with me so...new start ya know?” James explains, a raw honesty to his words. Roman nods, trying not to get excited at the developments as they unfold.

“Would you like to have lunch?” Roman blurts, a new sparkle in his eyes. James purses his lips “Thought we could maybe get to know each other” He proposes, Jame wants to hide his smile but his lips have their own mind.

“I'd love nothing more” James agrees, he collects his things at the ring of his phone standing as he goes. “It has been an absolute pleasure” He extends his hand once more, once again tickling Roman with possibility. “Lunch” He finalizes

“Lunch” Roman swoons, his back melting into the chair once more. He can feel his feet tap below him, dancing as the ideas sing throughout his mind.

“Hey Ro” Patton smiles through the door, Roman ushers him in. “You look giddy, what's up?” An uncertain expression befalls the lawyer, Roman shrugs into a shimmy.

“I just met someone” Roman marvels, realizing just how weird his insides felt. It felt like he had reverted ten years, a shiny new judge, he was dumb and easy to trick. He tripped over himself to be seen, and now here he was. People wanted to meet him, to see him. And for what? He wasn't some here, he wasn't this outstanding citizen. He sent people to jail, to spend the rest of their lives suffering.

“Bad people Ro” Virgil would take his hand, their words in whispers as Damian snuggled against them snoring softly. Roman wouldn't dare meet his eyes, fear of falling apart under their caring honesty. They weren't pools of dark mystery, they were swirling clouds of determination and ambition. Virgil's eyes radiated all he conquered, Roman loved them.

“What if they weren't bad? What if I made a mistake” He fears, the words only rising in panic. Virgil cups his face, his gentle hands tracing Romans almost perfect features. “What if I'm just like...him?” Roman dreads even the idea, but he knew it was always there. Forcing its way through the blockade. Virgil leans forward, taking Roman's lips on his own, knowing full well the judge would melt into the gesture. That for just this moment he would feel loved.

“You're not your father Roman, you never will be” Virgil assures, digging the point as far as he can. “Just this conversation, your concerns now, prove that. You care” He identifies, Roman wants to cry, but because for once in his life, he believes that maybe just maybe he really isn't. That all of his efforts and work, paid off. He is not his father.

Roman should feel sad, he misses Virgil so much. His stomach tug as even the slightest thing causes him to reminisce. But he's not, he loves Damian and he...cares for Virgil. Knowing that he's safe means the world. And something just cleared for him when Virgil uttered the words. As though he finally understood. He was...almost free. Should Virgil ever want to pursue him again or not, Roman would…

“Be ok” Roman mumbles, Patton stops his rocking of the stroller, the twins remain sleeping. “I'll be ok” He gleams. Patton forces a smile, nodding proudly of his friend. I wonder what that's like.

“That's good Ro, I'm proud of you” Patton squeezes his hand, his gaze returning to his source of joy. The twins sprawled across the stroller, sleeping carefully, cuddled with their respective stuffed toys.

“I...have a date!” He tilts his head, uneasy smile “Kind of?” He questions, Patton laughs.

“Oh?” He wonders, biting his lips as Virgil's name appears in his head.

“He's a judge, he just transferred here, he's cute and we are having lunch together” Roman finishes, drumming the desk lightly. “Guess too fast is my middle name!” He jokes, Patton swallows as his own words trail his mind, the crushing look Logan gave him replaying like an old station.

“Light and breezy” Patton nods slowly.

“Light and breezy!” Roman sings, feeling genuine, deep-rooted happiness. Unaware of the fragile demeanor of the lawyer across from him, as his world threatens to crumble, the regrets of everything he's ever done in his mind. The desperation as his heart aches to him, calling out to Logan, the phrase ‘miss so much’ we an understatement. He yearned for something he left of his own will, what an absolute...idiot he was.

Don't get emotional Patton

~~~

“I will be there soon Pat...yeah I love you too” Virgil chuckles, stuffing the phone into his pocket as he pushes through the door into the precinct. The still quiet of the building causing unease in the detective so used to the bustling bounces of the room. He turns into the room fully expecting to have the frozen solitude to himself, alas as the lights flicker on he releases a soft gasp. “Roman?” He whispers. The judge stands idle by Virgil's desk, a small amber box alight in his hands.

“Hey” He smiles, the exhaustion under his eyes visible.

“What are you...what are you doing here?” Virgil questions, their voices remain ever so soft.

“Happy birthday” He rushes, skipping a few steps. Virgil's eyes widen as he nods, taking a step forward. Roman looks enchanting under the dim lights, his aura blazing passion.

“You remembered?” He's not sure why he questions it every time, Roman has never forgotten his birthday. He's never had a reason to assume someone, especially his friends would forget, and yet he lives in fear.

“Of course” Roman laughs so sweetly, it barely makes a sound “December nineteenth, you were born at exactly six forty four pm. You didn't cry at first so your mom was pretty worried, but it turns out you were just a little shy” He chuckles, neither understand why there are tears making their way down the men's cheeks. “You were a pretty light baby. Your favorite birthday was your sixteenth when your mom took you to a concert for the first time, but your sixth comes pretty close after you got to tag along with your dad on a case” Roman recites, the absolute adoration flooding his eyes. “You always spend your evenings with Patton, no matter what.” Roman moves closer, allowing the distance between them to circulate warmth.

“What are you doing?” Virgil hopes, maybe a little too much that he gets closer.

“I have a gift…” Roman's eyes move towards Virgil's lips “For you” He states, carefully he lifts it placing it in the detective's palm. “I know its small but uh...happy birthday Virge,” He says, overwhelming conviction. Virgil carefully undoes the ribbon, the paper falling with it. Virgil sucks in, his breath falling short. A small cloud, with lighting coming out of it, sits at the bottom of the box. “It's a worry stone, carved like a storm cloud”

“Because I'm your storm cloud?” Virgil groans, a knowing smirk. Roman laughs nodding sweetly.

“Because you are my storm cloud” Roman leans in stopping himself, he knows he's going to regret his next move but he takes his waist and locks their lips. Virgil allows it to happen, his arms snaking their way around Roman's neck.

“What was that?” Virgil questions, not entirely opposed to the idea, his arms remaining.

“Think of it as a breakup kiss, and a birthday present” He shrugs, Virgil chuckles shakily. “I have a proposition,” He says removing his arms, taking hold of Virgil's hands.

“Oh do tell” Virgil plays with Romans fingers in his own.

“You say we’re moving too fast then let's start again. From the top, Virge you're basically my best friend” Roman can't keep still, Virgil feels the warmth spread as he stays safe in his arms. “I'm not gonna let that slip away, and I'm not gonna let Damian slip away. Come on, I know you miss me” Roman teases, Virgil pouts stretching Romans arms behind him, he leans in planting a kiss on Roman.

“Maybe just a lil bit” Virgil states, Roman, shakes his head still smiling.

“Virge...I'm serious” Roman begs, Virgil nods allowing him to continue. “I wanna do this right, please” He requests, Virgil has no qualms.

“Yes of course” He purses his lips feeling Romans phone buzz, he smirks coyly, removing it from his back pocket. Roman barely puts up a fight. “Oh? Who's James?” Virgil wonders, Roman rolls his eyes “Come on best friend, whos the dude, I bet-” Roman leans in kissing him

“We can start tomorrow” Roman tries to grab his phone back but Virgil lifts above his head shaking it. He takes it scrolling through the previous texts giggling after each one, a contagious joy spread from the two. And before the hour strikes seven, it's just them in their delighted aura.

~~~

“I think alcohol might have been a bad idea” Roman jokes, Logan grunts sitting down as he simply takes another sip of his drink. “Come on Lo, we should head home” Roman suggests, feeling the high of Virgil's lips upon his own drain away

“Im...going to propose to Patton” Logan decides, he flops on the couch, the music quiets as the people around him continue. Roman guffaws, a bellowed laugh.

“Yeah, alright Logan. I think you have to be dating first” Roman takes a calm sip of his drink, observing the world around him. Logan

“I'm not kidding Roman” Logan sits up, adjusting his glasses “I've known him for ten years. I practically know everything about him” Logan shrugs “I know he takes his coffee with cream and two sugars, a hint of cinnamon. I know that his favorite color is the rainbow because it changes every day. I know today its violet for Virgil's birthday. I know that he checks on the twins at least three times before going to bed himself.  I know that there are only two people who can touch him without causing him to flinch. I know that when he balls his fists he digs his nails so deep into his skin he draws blood.” Roman doesn't want to listen anymore, his heart hurts as he watches Logan defeated

“Logan you do-”

“I know that turtlenecks provide him some sense of comfort as they wrap in warm coziness. I also know he used to use them to hide scars” Logan takes a shattered breath “I know that when he kisses me my heart beats a million times faster…” Logan rubs his forehead frustrated “I know that he can never have his eyes or hands away from the twins. And I know that...that” He pauses sucking in his huffed tears

“Logan? What?” Roman wants more

“I just like him so much” Logan moans, sprawling across Roman. “I wanna give him butterfly kisses” He pouts, Roman laughs stroking the lawyers head gently. “Do you know what those are? With the eyes?” His pout only furthers, as tears well in his eyes. He clutches to the pillow, his glasses drooping.

“I know bud, I know” He whispers carefully, not wishing to ruin the night further. Its funny, Roman had only seen Logan like this once before, and it was also about Patton. It's almost ironic in a way.

“Mm, my phone is buzzing” Logan mumbles, his arm making grabby towards the device. Roman takes it for him, asking him to put in his code. “What's happening?” He mutters into the couch pillow. Roman reads, the grin slowly disappearing.

Logan, please help

Patton was being vague, and Roman couldn't handle that

#objection au #logicality #prinxiety #remile #demus #sanders sides #youtube #logan sanders #patton sanders #roman sanders #remus sanders #virgil sanders #deceit sanders #remy sanders #emile picani #writing #write #ao3 #archive of our own #oc's #ts valerie #ts joan

[goldenmessenger]

TS Actor AU: Reach Out Your Hand Pt 1

Summary: Before recovery can come, you have to admit you have a problem first. In 2019, Roman’s been clean for about 6 years. In 2011, however? Clean is a long way away. He’s alone. Isolated. No-one to turn to. Except he might have one person. But Roman’s ignored him for the last 4 years. But then the voicemail comes.

Read on Ao3 here.

A/N: Hey everyone! So, I’m currently working on a multi-chapter fic set after the last two fics. But that’s probably going to take me a while. So in the meantime, have this fic that’s set 8 years before the others. This is some backstory on Roman, Remus, and Dillon, and how Roman got on the first steps to recovery. Also, I meant for this to be a one-shot, but it’s going to be a two-parter. It’s too long to post all at once. I apologize in advance for this, it’s really intense and a lot of whump and angst. I promise part 2 will make up for everything, and that’ll be up tomorrow.

As usual, let me know if you want to be added to the taglist! And once again, I apologize.

Content Warnings: Drunken texts, drug abuse, drug overdose, mild violence (vague mention), self-deprecating thoughts and language, whump, angst

****************************

Thursday, March 20, 2008

Sent at 11:24pm

Text from (xxx) xxx-xxxx:

happhy B-day roe

its me Rekus

Remus

i gootta new phonee 

im sorry

iwas the worts 

woest

worsr 

Cant typw

To drukn 

Miss u tho

First b-day wit out u

Do u mis me to?

See u on th news

Got that moie 

Movie deal u wanted

Hop ur doin wel 

That ur happy

M not

Mis u

Love u

****************************

Friday, March 20, 2009

Sent at 2:00 pm

Text from (xxx) xxx-xxxx:

Hey Ro, happy birthday,

it’s me again. 

I wanna apologize for the mess that I sent last year. Thought you’d like to know I’m in a much better place now.

I’m in college in San Francisco, probably gonna live there after.

Gotta boyfriend, just like you always said you would if we didn’t have to deal with everyone’s expectations.

Went to therapy, boyfriend’s idea

Though he was just a best friend then

It’s been really helpful. 

I was so awful to you. 

I honestly wouldn’t blame you if you never wanted to see me again

You don’t have to forgive me, I just want a chance to talk

If you want to meet up

Just let me know

****************************

Saturday, March 20, 2010

 Sent at 10:00 am

Text from (xxx) xxx-xxxx: 

Hey Ro

Happy birthday again. 

At this point, I know you probably won’t reply

This probably isn’t even your number anymore. 

I don’t know why I keep texting you though

Closure, perhaps?

An inability to let go?

Whatever it is, it’s kinda sad

I can’t stop though

If by any chance you are reading this, please respond

I don’t care if it’s to say you hate me, or never want to talk to me again, please

I need you

I need my brother

****************************

Sunday, March 20, 2011

Sent at 10:00 am

Text from (xxx) xxx-xxxx: 

Happy birthday Ro!

This will probably be the last time I text you. 

My boyfriend, Dillon, pointed out that if you were going to reply, you would’ve already

I need to move on

I need to heal 

I still love you though 

You’ll always be my brother

****************************

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Sent at 11:00 am

Text from (xxx) xxx-xxxx: 

Ro

Ro, what the hell?

I know I said that I wouldn’t text again 

But I just saw the news

You punched someone?

What on earth

I’d honestly be kinda proud of you if I wasn’t worried

Are you doing ok? 

That’s not like you. 

I was always the violent one. 

I know what I said before, but if you need anyone to talk to, I’m here. 

I won’t be waiting for you anymore, but I’ll still be here for you, if you need me.

All you need to do is reach out.

****************************

Sunday, August 15, 2011

Missed Call at 1:00 am

Voicemail from (xxx) xxx-xxxx: 

 “Ro—Roman! Please, please tell me you’re there, that you’re alright—

I just heard, apparently you’ve been missing for two weeks? Two whole weeks, and I didn’t know—

Please call me back, or text if that works better! Please, no one knows where you are, if you’re ok, nothing!

I — I can’t lose you Roman.

I mean, maybe I did already, maybe I did a long time ago—

But that was different. At least you were alive. You were happy. At least, I thought you were happy. I’m not so sure about that anymore. 

But if by some miracle, some crazy insane miracle you still have this number, if you’re ok, please please let me know. 

I love you so much Ro. 

I don’t think I ever said it enough, but I do. So, so much. 

I hope wherever you are, you’re ok.”

****************************

The dark hotel room was illuminated only by the screen of his phone. He stared at it with glassy eyes, unseeing, as the message finished playing. Roman was leaning against the bed, sitting on the floor. His phone was gleaming on the ground next to him. 

Roman had read Remus’s texts as they came, of course, but he hadn’t thought they were sincere. That they were real. Nothing else in his life was, not even his own parents. So why should his own twin be an exception? But he didn’t delete the texts or block the number. He let the messages keep coming. And he didn’t know why. 

Maybe because part of him had wanted to hope. Why else would he be where he was now? Why else would he have used the most of the little money he had left to get himself here? Here in a dingy little motel on the edge of San Francisco. He hadn’t told anyone where he was going, not that anyone cared. Maybe Remy might’ve. Remy, who Roman realized now might’ve been his only real friend. At least, he could’ve been, if Roman hadn’t pushed him away when Remy had attempted to convince Roman he had a problem. Pushed him away just like Roman had done to everything else good in his life. 

That’s why he hadn’t contacted Remus yet. Why he’d sat here in this room with it’s flea-ridden bed and peeling wallpaper for almost two weeks now, only leaving to buy food from the nearby convenience store. Remus’s texts had seemed like he was doing well. Roman had looked at his Facebook too. Remus was in college, was living with his boyfriend, a job working as a tech at a local theater. He seemed happy. Roman couldn’t bring himself to ruin that like he ruined everything else. 

But that voicemail—he hadn’t ever heard Remus sound so frightened before. So worried. And about Roman, of all people. Why? Why on earth? Sure, they’d been close as kids, but they hadn’t even been in the same room for years. And Roman had ignored all of Remus’s attempts to make contact since. He couldn’t understand it. It made his head hurt. He was feeling bitterly jittery, and not very glittery. 

That was a weird sentence. When did his thoughts stop making sense? He needed his pills, needed them. He couldn’t deal with all of these thoughts and emotions. He needed them to go away. He needed them to stop. He fumbled on all fours for the bottle, and finally found it, open and empty. That wasn’t right, it’d been full only...only...he couldn’t remember. A wave of dizziness hit him, and he pitched forward, face planting into the ground. 

Something wasn’t right. Why was his brain so fuzzy. Everything hurt so much, he couldn’t think. He needed help. He needed Remus. He somehow managed to find his phone, and hit the contact simply labeled “R.”

The phone rang. And rang. Finally, it was picked up. And a familiar voice spoke.

****************************

Remus ran his hand through his sleeping boyfriend’s hair. It was a calming motion that somewhat helped to calm his racing mind. But not by much. Dillon had attempted to convince Remus to rest, but Remus couldn’t sleep. Not when Roman was missing. He’d gotten the news around midnight, from a former friend of Roman’s, Remy. 

Remy had been the one to tell Remus that Roman had been struggling with a drug addiction, though Remy didn’t know how long. He’d tried to get Roman some help as soon as he found out, but the other man had rejected it and broke off their friendship. Remy had gone to Roman’s apartment that morning to attempt to repair their relationship, with the hope that he could eventually convince Roman to get some help. But he was nowhere to be found. The door was unlocked, and there was two weeks worth of mail on the floor. He’d found Remus’s number on accident, on a post-it on Roman’s fridge, labeled “Bro.” That’s when he’d called Remus and, upon finding out he was Roman’s brother, told him everything.

Remus didn’t quite understand why Roman had his number saved like that, but the more pressing concern was finding Roman. Remus attempted to call Roman several times, each one going straight to voicemail.

He didn’t blame Dillon for falling asleep though. Remus would if he could. He couldn’t though. The hand that wasn’t running through Dillon’s hair had a death grip on his phone. He couldn’t stop staring at it, praying to anyone who would listen that it would ring.

He didn’t know what he expected though. Roman had never responded to him in the past, so why would now be any diff— 

“I’m a Barbie Girl, in a Barbie wooorld

Life in plastic, it’s fantastic...”

Remus startled as his phone’s ringtone filled the room. Next to him, Dillon shifted and blinked tiredly at him. 

“Why on earth do you still have that obnoxious song as your ringtone?” Dillon questioned, a little grumpy at being woken so unceremoniously. 

“You can brush my hair, undress me everywheere

Imagination, life is your creation...”

Remus could barely hear him. He could barely hear his own ringtone. All he could do was stare at the name that lit up the screen.

Lil bRO(man)

“Come on, Barbie, let's go party!”

Dillon looked up at Remus, the sleep slowly fading from his gaze as his brain slowly began to catch up.

“Re, what’s wrong?”

“I’m a Barbie Girl, in a Barbie wooorld

Life in plastic, it’s fantastic...”

The chorus of the song began to repeat, and Remus knew he was running out of time. This was something he’d wanted for years, and now, it was happening right in front of him. But he was frozen. For some reason, he couldn’t answer the phone.

“You can brush my hair, undress me everywheere…”

When Remus didn’t respond, Dillon sat up, and saw the phone lying limp in his boyfriend’s grasp.

“Imagination, life is you—”

Quick as a lightning bolt, Dillon grabbed the phone and hit ANSWER before it could go to voicemail. Almost as quick, he hit the speaker button.

There was a long moment of silence. Too long. Finally, Remus’s voice returned.

“Ro, is that you?” He asked, hopefully. “Are you ok, are you hurt, where—”

“Re. I— I didn’t acshully think you’d anshwer.”

Roman’s familiar voice leaked through the speakers like water through a broken dam. Despite Remus’s relief, however, he immediately recognized something was wrong. One look at Dillon’s face told Remus that he’d heard it too. The way Roman’s words slurred themselves together. Remus took a deep breath. He knew how to handle this. He just needed to stay calm.

“Of course I would.” Remus said sincerely. “Ro, why don’t you tell me where you are? Maybe I can come to you and we can have this conversation in person?”

However, Roman didn’t seem to hear Remus’s question.

“I meshed up Re, meshed up big time, I ran ‘way from evything ‘cause I shcrewed up, an’ now I’m losht an’ allone an’ I jus’ wanted to hear your voishe one lasht time…”

Remus felt his heart seize in panic at those words. He grabbed the phone out of Dillon’s hands as the man looked on worriedly. Remus clutched that phone like it was his lifeline. No, Roman’s lifeline.

“Roman, wait, what do you mean, one last time? Where are you, what’s going on?”

“Ate too many of th’ pret-ty white circles, and now I can’ shtand up right and m’ brain won’ work.”

Roman’s voice grew thick, and it began to sound like he was crying.

“M sorry Re, ‘m an awful brother. I can’ do anything righ’ an’ I was too much of a cow-ward to tell you I was here.”

Remus’s eyes widened in shock as his brain processed the information. White circles, didn’t a lot of pills take that form? Including addictive ones. And Roman was here? San Francisco?

He looked over to Dillon to find that his boyfriend had his own phone out, and was callling someone. Dillon caught his gaze, and mouthed 911. Keep him talking. Remus took a deep breath. He needed to keep it together. For Roman’s sake. 

“Roman, you’re going to be fine, just tell me where you are, and I’ll be right there. You said that you’re here? Where is here?”

“Th’ golden ci-ty, home of Saint Franny. Wan-ed to talk to you, couldn’ get up th’ nerve. ‘M in this shtupid lil hot-tel, it schucks. Bayshide Mot-tel, I think. Rom 320. Picked it cause it wash our birth-dayte.”

Remus quickly glanced over to Dillon urgently, and his boyfriend began relaying Roman’s location to the paramedics. 

“Ro, we’ll be right there, just hold on, ok? We’re on our way.” 

No response.

“Roman, Roman!”

Silence echoed from the other end of the line. 

“No, nononononono no! Roman, please!”

In a dark dingy motel room several miles away, the only sound was a brother’s anguished cries, and the only light was that of a cracked phone screen next to a limp hand.

****************************

AN: Again, I’m really sorry about this cliffhanger, and I will fix it tomorrow.

****************************

TAGLIST:

@ironwoman359

@galacticguppy

@trashpanda-remus 

@atticusfinchthelegend

@ravenclawunicorn1

@voidvirgil

@dogwithpants

@dreaming-about-kittens

#ts actor au #sanders sides #sanders sides fanfic #my writing #my au #remus sanders #deceit sanders #roman sanders #remy sanders #sympathetic deceit sanders #sympathetic remus sanders

[cuddliestbear]

Okay, so kinda rant-y, scroll if you don't wanna read.

So, when I was 16, I was promised a sweet sixteen b day party at a roller skating rink. My step beast and sperm donor were going to send rsvp stuff via facebook to my friends' parents. Make sense, organization, figuring out who would need a ride who could or couldn't make it.

My b day was on a thursday so unfortunately i did have school. (Im in florida, no feb vacay 😞) but, the guardians in question said i could have the party after school and that they would tell all the parents such. I said cool and went to school on my b day. I was understandably excited.

I mean you only have one sweet sixteen. I had gotten a dress from Bealls that looked really cute for the day. (I was still genderfluid back then, but I wasn't allowed to wear a binder or even identify to anyone other than my real mom and fam and my friends. Otherwise I would totally have worn wicked cute suspenders and a button up, dress pants and a bow tie to be snazzy.) I had been good with my chores and not giving attitude. (For the most part) so, I was ready.

The day goes by, a few people wish me a happy birthday, but not one of my friends mentions seeing me later at my party. So I asked them if their parents told them about it. They looked confused and concerned, because they know how my 'rentals be. They texted/called their parents and none of the parents received rsvps or messages from the people who house me. So, now I am upset, angry and furious with myself for thinking I could rely on those people to be normal fucking parents for once.

You know, the ones that care about the kid? Not the ones who get your hopes up and even that morning swear up and down that they were going through with something and then not doing it. It's one thing if we couldn't afford it. They usually told me when they couldn't afford something. That's one of the only things they did right. Here's the thing. Idc if we were poor. Oh, well, I don't get a skating rink, but I could still have had a smaller party at my house or a local park.

That is not what happened though.

What ended up happening was me going home, and asking them what was going on and saying that none of my friends' parents got their rsvp. Or even heard about the party from their parents. They simply said they decided not to do the party because they weren't sure I deserved it. Pardon? I don't deserve to be with people who actually give a shit about me on my birthday? Really?

Anyways, so I go to my room, all upset and such, because come on. I am a sixteen year old who simply just wants a party, doesn't have to be big or expensive just SOMETHING. (I am 20 now and still not fucking over this bs, luckily I am no longer in their home and haven't been since 2017, sooooo.)

A little while later, my step beast knocks on my door then opens it without waiting for an answer, like usual. Rude bitch. Anyways, she comes in and tells me to put on the nice dress I got and do my hair because we have company over.

A last glimmer of hope that will be shortly crushed ran through me and I got ready, thinking that she invited my friends to my house last minute and a few were able to come.

Nope.

What happened was that I walked out of my room and saw my two male younger cousins sitting at the dinings table with little birthday crowns on their heads. Not party hats, crowns with plastic and fake jewels and "Birthday Boy" molded into the plastic with the color blue. Confused I asked what was happening and she said that my cousins love me so much they wanted to share THEIR birthday with me.

For one, it is february 19th, MY birthday, theirs are later in the month. So, she's wrong. It is not THEIR birthday today, it is MY birthday. And this may sound whiny and everything and sort of selfish, but tbh Idc.

Second, they love me so much? They are fucking terrible gremlins to kick and bite my little sisters and constantly break or damage things of mine with no repercussions. So, no. They do not LOVE me so much, they enjoy seeing me and my sisters miserable, thats what they LOVE so much.

I didn't say all of this, but merely pointed out that their birthdays weren't even for another week or two. Of course, as per usual, I was seen as the instigator. So, I was the one reprimanded for trying to make my cousins feel bad on THEIR special day.

What the ACTUAL fuck?

Seriously, she's going to keep going on this?

So, as I usually did, I sat quietly, stewing in my steadily increasing upset. They hadn't even gotten a cake meant for me or a cupcake or anything. No presents at all. Not that i give a shit about presents but no cake?

They said that it was because the boys wanted to share their cakes with me. Yes, cakes. The fuckers bought a 6 and 7 year old individual large fancy cakes and not the person who was actually born on this day. Let that sink in, okay got it?

What the fuck?!?!

I aam so furious and betrayed and upset at this point that I am trying tooth and nail not to cry.

Then, my angel comes to save me.

Great Tante/Aunt. (Tante is french for Aunt, this fam was REALLY into the whole calling grandparents and aunts the equivalents in french even though they knew no other words in french than those) she walked in with a pretty ice cream cake with pink roses and creamy white frosting with my name written in beautiful caligraphy icing in the center. It was beautiful.

Immediately, my step beast and step aunt started a fight with Great Tante. Evidently, Aunt T had texted Great Tante and told her about what my horrible family members were trying to do and came to the rescue with a present and cake.

Basically it went something like this.

The aunt who bore the two heathens starts off on my savior.

"How dare you disrespect this household by insinuating these things!?" Because Great Tante had pointed out that they've always been unecessarily cruel to me and the least they could do was throw me a halfway decent birthday party.

"Watch your tone, young lady." was all my saint of a great aunt-by-marriage said to this cow of a woman. The aunt gasped and turned red in the face.

Then my step beats stepped in again.

"That's because she's a spoiled brat who was so used to getting away with everything with her mom. That's why she has to share her birthday and a cake with the boys." She insisted, trying to prevent Great Tante from giving me the present and placing my cake in front of me. Then, my lil sister, we'll call her E, bless her heart walks into the room with the wonky looking stuffed bear I made for her and asks why everyone is yelling so much.

She runs right up to me and hugs me. Even if she's seen me all day, if she ends up in a separate room from me, she'll eventually find me to hug me again. I love her and miss her so much, I haven't seen her in over three years.

"Why is everyone being mean to my Jazz?" She told everyone sternly, stamping her little four year old feet and putting her hands on her hips. Now, because her baby, her precious darling has seen her show her ugly side, the Step Beast backs away and allows Great Tante to place the cake and give me the present.

So, I got to have my cake and eat it, too. Lol sorry bad joke.

Anyways, moral of the story is if you are a parent and you do THIS SHIT to your kid, you shouldn't fucking reproduce. I have years of mental abuse to account for several things like ptsd, anxiety and depression.

This is a relatively minor story compared to the multitudes of bs that they have done to me or to my mom over the nearly seven years I lived with them.

I may post more of the major stuff at some other point, but venting like this helps. Even if its been years since the incident. I know I am right to be angry and hate the way I was treated, but sometimes you have to hear youself say it or have others validate it.

#mental abuse #fucked up birthday #birthday #worst birthday ever #step parents suck

[bohemianrhapsody86]

200 Things About Me (originally 200 Things You Can Put In My Ask)

I got this off of @rami-malek-trash - don’t know who the original poster was, sorry if it’s you. I’m bored and cramping and no one usually sends me asks anyway, so I’m just going to answer all of these myself 

200: My crush’s name is: Drew (Now boyfriend, but he was my middle school crush) 199: I was born in: 1986 198: I am really: cool 197: My cellphone company is: T-Mobile 196: My eye color is: green 195: My shoe size is: 9.5/10 194: My ring size is: 9/10 193: My height is: 5′6″ 192: I am allergic to: Nothing 191: My 1st car was: 2001 PT Cruiser 190: My 1st job was: Server at a local pizzeria 189: Last book you read: Startalk: Everything You Ever Need to Know About Space Travel, Sci-Fi, the Human Race, the Universe, and Beyond by Neil DeGrasse Tyson 188: My bed is: Not very comfortable. I need a new mattress, but I need a job first.  187: My pet: A siamese cat named Chico. 186: My best friend: Amanda  185: My favorite shampoo is: I like using Aussie 2-in-1, I also like using Shimmer Lights occasionally so I can keep my gray hairs nice and shiny.  184: Xbox or ps3: PS3 183: Piggy banks are: Cool. I have one that counts my change lol 182: In my pockets: Nothing because they hate putting usable pockets in women’s pants.  181: On my calendar: I marked where I started my period yesterday, and my boyfriends 32nd birthday is next Tuesday.  180: Marriage is: Something I want everyone to have the option for if they want it. 179: Spongebob can: use his imagination 178: My mom: is amazing! 177: The last three songs I bought were? Cool and Sucker by The Jonas Brothers, Don’t really buy many singles, just albums if I’m interested and their cheap.  176: Last YouTube video watched: Brooke Candy - Paper or Plastic 175: How many cousins do you have? Too many to remember 174: Do you have any siblings? Yes, an older brother and older half-sister. 173: Are your parents divorced? Yes, they divorced back in 1999 172: Are you taller than your mom? Yes. We used to be the same height, but gravity has taken a hold of her and squashed her down.  171: Do you play an instrument? I used to play the trombone in middle school, but that was 20 years ago. I’m sure if I ever got my hands on one again, I might remember a scale or two.  170: What did you do yesterday? Went around town job hunting and then bought a maxi dress at a local craft store.  [ I Believe In ] 169: Love at first sight:Yes 168: Luck: Yes 167: Fate: Yes 166: Yourself: Sometimes 165: Aliens: Yes 164: Heaven: Yes and No 163: Hell: We live there now. 162: God: No 161: Horoscopes: Yes 160: Soul mates: Yes 159: Ghosts: Yes 158: Gay Marriage: Yes 157: War: No 156: Orbs: Yes/No 155: Magic: Yes [ This or That ] 154: Hugs or Kisses: Kisses 153: Drunk or High: High  152: Phone or Online: Online 151: Red heads or Black haired: Black haired 150: Blondes or Brunettes: Brunette 149: Hot or cold: Cold 148: Summer or winter: Winter 147: Autumn or Spring: Autumn 146: Chocolate or vanilla:Chocolate 145: Night or Day: Night 144: Oranges or Apples: Apples 143: Curly or Straight hair: Curly 142: McDonalds or Burger King: McDonalds 141: White Chocolate or Milk Chocolate: Milk Chocolate 140: Mac or PC: PC 139: Flip flops or high heals: Flip Flops 138: Ugly and rich OR sweet and poor: Sweet and Poor 137: Coke or Pepsi: Always been a Pepsi girl 136: Hillary or Obama: Obama 135: Burried or cremated: Cremated and turned into a tree or my ashes made into a vinyl 134: Singing or Dancing: Singing 133: Coach or Chanel: Neither 132: Kat McPhee or Taylor Hicks: Katherine McPhee 131: Small town or Big city: Small Town 130: Wal-Mart or Target: Target 129: Ben Stiller or Adam Sandler: Ben Stiller 128: Manicure or Pedicure: Mani 127: East Coast or West Coast: East Coast - never been to the West Coast 126: Your Birthday or Christmas: Birthday because it sometimes falls on Thanksgiving.  125: Chocolate or Flowers: Chocolate 124: Disney or Six Flags: Disney 123: Yankees or Red Sox: Neither, Cubbies til the day I die.  [ Here’s What I Think About ] 122: War: Pointless 121: George Bush: Better than the asshat in office now. 120: Gay Marriage: If I can get married to my boyfriend, the my friend Jerry should be able to get married to his boyfriend, Josh.  119: The presidential election: I hate that orange buffoon.  118: Abortion: I’m pro-choice.  117: MySpace: Always had trouble figuring out my Top 8 and what background I wanted to use.  116: Reality TV: Only thing I really watch are cooking competitions. Those are the only ones that matter. Not a fan of the Kardashians or the Bachelor/ette bullcrap.  115: Parents: My mom is amazing, my ‘dad’ was never really there.  114: Back stabbers: Asshats 113: Ebay: Hardly use it.  112: Facebook: Good to stay in touch with people you want to/some of the groups on there are awesome.  111: Work: Don’t have a job as of yet. *keeps fingers crossed I hear back from someone soon* 110: My Neighbors: Loud AF and nasty. I live in an apartment and the neighbors upstairs have so many kids and animals up there it’s ridiculous. I wish they’d leave.  109: Gas Prices: Ridiculous, but not as bad as I’ve seen it before.  108: Designer Clothes: Meh, not my style unless I find something in my size at Goodwill.  107: College: Been there, done that. Not really for me. Never graduated.  106: Sports: I like watching them, mainly baseball and basketball. The NFL can go fuck themselves.  105: My family: Love my blood relatives and my chosen family.  104: The future: It’s so bright, I gotta wear shades.  [ Last time I ] 103: Hugged someone: last night when my boyfriend came over and brought me my phone charger.  102: Last time you ate: An hour ago. 101: Saw someone I haven’t seen in awhile: At my bestie’s baby shower.  100: Cried in front of someone: Sometime last week 99: Went to a movie theater: When Endgame came out 98: Took a vacation: 2010 97: Swam in a pool: A few summers ago 96: Changed a diaper: 2007? 95: Got my nails done: 2007? 94: Went to a wedding: 1999 93: Broke a bone: Never *keeps fingers crossed* 92: Got a peircing: 2012? 91: Broke the law: I probably broke the speed limit yesterday at some point.  90: Texted: about 2am this morning.  [ MISC ] 89: Who makes you laugh the most: My bestie Amanda and boyfriend Drew 88: Something I will really miss when I leave home is: my cat. 87: The last movie I saw: Ant-Man  86: The thing that I’m looking forward to the most: getting a job 85: The thing im not looking forward to: Interviewing for a job 84: People call me: loyal 83: The most difficult thing to do is: finding a job 82: I have gotten a speeding ticket: Yep, 77 in a 55. 81: My zodiac sign is: Sun - Sagittarius, Moon - Leo

80: The first person i talked to today was: If you count texting my boyfriend at 2am, then him.  79: First time you had a crush: Sometime in Elemetary School.  78: The one person who i can’t hide things from: my mom 77: Last time someone said something you were thinking: yesterday 76: Right now I am talking to: myself 75: What are you going to do when you grow up: I have no clue 74: I have/will get a job: soon 73: Tomorrow: Never Comes 72: Today: Is the day 71: Next Summer: Not here 70: Next Weekend: I have no clue 69: I have these pets: 12 year old 17 lb cat named Striper.  68: The worst sound in the world: My cat hacking up a hairball.  67: The person that makes me cry the most is: myself 66: People that make you happy: my mom, brother, sister-in-law, boyfriend, best friend. 65: Last time I cried: sometime last week 64: My friends are: amazing 63: My computer is: pretty cool and loaded up with Sims stuff.  62: My School: I don’t go to school anymore.  61: My Car: gets me there.  60: I lose all respect for people who: disrespect me or my loved one.  59: The movie I cried at was: Endgame 58: Your hair color is: salt & pepper 57: TV shows you watch: Legends of Tomorrow, Worst Cooks in America, Any cooking show really.  56: Favorite web site: Tumblr 55: Your dream vacation: Somewhere away from my town 54: The worst pain I was ever in was: when I had that ovarian cyst. 53: How do you like your steak cooked: medium 52: My room is: messy 51: My favorite celebrity is: too many to list  50: Where would you like to be: in bed 49: Do you want children: nope 48: Ever been in love: yes 47: Who’s your best friend: Amanda 46: More guy friends or girl friends: About the same.  45: One thing that makes you feel great is: music 44: One person that you wish you could see right now: my grandma 43: Do you have a 5 year plan: I don’t even have a 5 minute plan 42: Have you made a list of things to do before you die: Kinda, not really 41: Have you pre-named your children: Nope 40: Last person I got mad at: The Dump, but that’s a daily thing.  39: I would like to move to: out of the US 38: I wish I was a professional: crocheter/crafter [ My Favorites ] 37: Candy: Butterfinger Cups 36: Vehicle: Don’t really have one 35: President: Barack Obama 34: State visited: Pennsylvania 33: Cellphone provider: Always been with T-Mobile 32: Athlete: Anthony Rizzo 31: Actor: Tom Hanks 30: Actress: Sandra Bullock 29: Singer: Freddie Mercury 28: Band: Queen 27: Clothing store: Lane Bryant 26: Grocery store: Aldi 25: TV show: Don’t really have one 24: Movie: Too many to count 23: Website: This black hole of a site 22: Animal: Cat 21: Theme park: Don’t really have one. I did enjoy Six Flags over Georgia when I went back in 2002. Dollywood is always fun but it’s been even longer than that since I’ve been there.  20: Holiday: Halloween 19: Sport to watch: Baseball 18: Sport to play: Nothing.  17: Magazine: Entertainment Weekly 16: Book: Harry Potter 15: Day of the week: Thursday 14: Beach: Virginia Beach 13: Concert attended: Jonas Brothers in VA Beach 12: Thing to cook: bacon 11: Food: bacon 10: Restaurant: Hmmm....don’t know that one.  9: Radio station: Classic Hits 102.7...hardly any commercials and they tell you the artist and song title after every song. 70s, 80s, and 90s songs.  8: Yankee candle scent: Don’t have one 7: Perfume: The scented oils from a local curiosity shop have some of my fave scents.  6: Flower: Iris 5: Color: Blue 4: Talk show host: Jimmy Fallon 3: Comedian: I’ve got several 2: Dog breed: Corgi 1: Did you answer all these truthfully? Yes.    

#personal #200 things about me #bored #cramping #I need some sleep but can't sleep #period brain

[taemsgirl]

85 questions 💌

rules: answer these 85 statements about yourself, then tag 20 people

i was tagged by @witchyeol & @yanansnovio before she remade lol thank you angels 💞

last

1. drink - water

2. phone call - my mom

3. text message - my cousin

4. song you listened to - roslyn by bon iver & st. vincent

5. time you cried - it’s been a while which is a rly big deal for me

ever

6. dated someone twice? - nope

7. kissed someone and regretted it - every guy i’ve ever kissed tbh kdfjhg

8. been cheated on - no

9. lost someone special - yes

10. been depressed - clinically! 

11. gotten drunk and thrown up - no thank god i hate throwing up lmao

fave colours

12. red

13. pearl aqua

14. purple

in the last year have you…

15. made new friends - lots of wonderful new friends 💕

16. fallen out of love - nope!

17. laughed until you cried - yeah :’)

18. found out someone was talking about you - yeah lol

19. met someone who changed you - yes 💫

20. found out who your friends are - in a way

21. kissed someone on your facebook friends list - no

general

22. how many of your facebook friends do you know irl - most of them i guess? i rarely check fb 

23. do you have any pets - a dog & a cat

24. do you want to change your name - no i love my name ✨

25. what did you do for your last birthday - went out to lunch with my family 💖

26. what time did you wake up today - too early

27. what were you doing at midnight last night - i was schleep

28. what is something you can’t wait for - the new semester to start, disneyland in december, a few other things ���️

30. what are you listening to right now - new moon lol

31. have you ever talked to a person named tom - probably?

32. something that gets on your nerves - when my cat kneads me/scratches up my boobs n stomach and then LEAVES

33. most visited website - tumblr 

34. hair color - gray/silver

35. long or short hair - shoulder length

36. do you have a crush on someone - i’m moonstruck 💓💫

37. what do you like about yourself - i like that i’m nice to ppl, how strongly my instinct to take care of others is, and how soft my heart gets when i’m around kids

38. want any piercings? - i wanna get some more ear piercings and i wanna pierce my nose

39. blood type - i’m assuming o-negative bc the blood bank keeps calling me to donate kfjgh

40. nicknames - dee, chompis, her “starlight” & “princess” 😌

41. relationship status - 😶 jhgfhfd

42. zodiac - aqua

43. pronouns - she/her

44. fave tv shows - parks n rec & sailor moon

45. tattoos - the stars from peter pan on the inside of my wrist and a pair of magic hands on my left arm

46. right or left handed - right

47. ever had surgery - i think once when i was rly little

48. piercings - my ears 

49. sport - used to play softball in middle school

50. vacation - so many places

51. trainers - my black vans

more general

52. eating - trail mix

53. drinking - water 

54. i’m about to watch - im gonna catch up on mr sunshine 

55. waiting for - seeing my friends thursday!! 

56. want - 💭💋❤️

57. get married - someday

58. career - writer (hopefully) 

which is better

59. hugs or kisses - both

60. lips or eyes - hmm, lips 

61. shorter or taller - taller

62. older or younger - doesn’t matter, just not too young

63. nice arms or stomach - i'm a thigh girl 💦

64. hookup or relationship -  relationship 

65. troublemaker or hesitant - depends honestly i’m usually pretty hesitant but i have my chaotic side kdfjghsdj

have you ever

66. kissed a stranger - yeah

67. drank hard liquor - yes 🤢

68. lost glasses - everyday

69. turned someone down - a few times

70. sex on first date - no

71. broken someone’s heart - i doubt it

72. had your heart broken - yeah but i was rly young and sensitive 🙃

73. been arrested - no

74. cried when someone died - yes

75. fallen for a friend - 🚶🏽

do you believe in

76. yourself - i try to

77. miracles - yes

78. love at first sight - for some ppl sure

79. santa claus - not since i was like 8 i think

80. kiss on a first date - yes 💭

81. angels - also yes 🌙

other

82. best friend’s name - mireya

83. eye color - brown

84. fave movie - literally too many to name but pride & prejudice, the little mermaid, mulan, and howl’s moving castle

85. fave actor - jake gyllenhaal & winona ryder

i’m tagging: @bisexualbbh @so1are @suavesehun @1esbiana @heartnini @oddtape @1of1girls @theroyallmess @softbebe @shineeworldvinla @ksoo-l @ilovkji  (if u want to of course!) 

#tag game #about me #this was fun #sorry if you've been tagged in this already/don't like being tagged in things like this !

[seungmin-mp3]

92 Truths

92 85 truths??? tag

RULES: Once you’ve been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 92 truths about you; at the end choose people to be tagged

tagged by @wonderlings ashlyn is really out here being the only one who tags me in things anymore lmao I love you

last

1. drink - water 2. phone call - gendy!! we had a jazz show on friday 3. text message - my brother 4. song you listened to - outro:wings 5. time you cried - thursday

ever

6. dated someone twice - not even once 7. kissed someone and regretted it - nope 8. been cheated on - here’s to it never happening to me 9. lost someone special - yes :’( 10. been depressed - I don’t know??? 11. gotten drunk and thrown up - unless you count drinking milk then no lol

fave colours

12. periwinkle blue 13. scarlet (one of my phase colors) 14. beige (another phase color)

in the last year have you…

15. made new friends - yes!!! shoutout to my newbies and the newest additions to the marimba line ;) 16. fallen out of love - ?? I dunno 17. laughed until you cried - yes and Iove it 18. found out someone was talking about you - probably 19. met someone who changed you - 100% yes 20. found out who your friends are - sure did 21. kissed someone on your facebook friends list - don’t have a fb

general

22. how many of your facebook friends do you know irl - I literally only made it to have a business account on insta (which is @julievstudies btw) 23. do you have any pets - no :/ 24. do you want to change your name - I wouldn’t know what to change it to

25. what did you do for your last birthday - I cried and watched beauty and the beast

26. what time did you wake up today -  like at 8??? 27. what were you doing at midnight last night - knocked out bc I’ve been out all day for two days in a row 28. what is something you cant wait for - graduation!!! and college!! 30. what are you listening to right now - jenn im (I love her so much) 31. have you ever talked to a person named tom - yup

32. something that’s getting on your nerves - people who don’t accept their responsibilites 33. most visited website - youtube all the way 34. hair colour - dark brown with natural gold highlights but also darker on the underside?? I’m  not sure how to explain it 35. long or short hair - long, about halfway down my back 36. do you have a crush on someone - no 37. what do you like about yourself - I’m committed to the things I love 38. want any piercings? - a second ear piercing? 39. blood type - I really don’t know which sucks bc I really want to know 40. nicknames - Julie is my primary 41. relationship status - single as hell 42. zodiac -pisces 43. pronouns - she/her 44. fave tv shows - avatar the last airbender, stranger things, asoue 45. tattoos - none 46. right or left handed - right 47. ever had surgery - for my tonsils 48. piercings - ear piercings 49. sport - none like the band kid I am 50. vacation - haven’t been out of cali but I’d love to see the world 51. trainers - my white adidas :)

more general

52. eating - i had dennys today 53. drinking - water as always 54. i’m about to watch - the mc jin bangtan bomb 55. waiting for - my calc test grades 56. want - I want to have more good days 57. get married - yes!! 58. career - research in biology

which is better

59. hugs or kisses - hugs but that’s a pretty biased answer 60. lips or eyes - eyes 61. shorter or taller - both 62. older or younger - older people make me feel safe but younger people make me happy so?? 63. nice arms or stomach - asldkfgs (arms) 64. hookup or relationship - relationship 65. troublemaker or hesitant - troublemaker

have you ever

66. kissed a stranger - no 67. drank hard liquor - a hard no 68. lost glasses - thank god no I’ve only had them for less then a year 69. turned someone down - yes 70. sex on first date - first date who? 71. broken someone’s heart - probs not 72. had your heart broken - yeahhhh 73. been arrested - no 74. cried when someone died - yep 75. fallen for a friend - no

do you believe in

76. yourself - hardly 77. miracles - definitely 78. love at first sight - in a sense?? 79. santa claus - no lmaoo 80. kiss on a first date - depends 81. angels - yes, have you met Dazzle?

other

82. best friend’s name - my gf Erika!!! @mist-lightning-snap 83. eye colour - brown with flecks of green 84. fave movie - as of now, ladybird 85. fave actor - my queen my love my life Emma Watson

tagging with much love @sentimentalschadenfreude (and Erika if you want!)

#tag

[chimerojeon]

tagged by my lovely eomma @chimeymie 💜 may eomma always have a blessful day i love you 🐾

rules: answer these 85 statements about yourself, then tag 20 people.

tagging; i only have few busy cuties soooo @jikoookmin13 @j-home and @jjangjjangtaeboongboong

🔹 last

1. drink - iced coffee

2. phone call - my mom hehe 💕

3. text message - @j-home before i slept last night wee 😘

4. song you listened to - Love Scenario by my boys iKon ! (please give them a lot of loves)

5. time you cried - two or three weeks ago when i was sooooo sick i cant breathe and i miss @jikoookmin13 so much at that moment so yeah 💓

🔹 ever

6. dated someone twice - i think so, i have never been in proper relationship lol

7. kissed someone and regretted it - nope

8. been cheated on - nope never

9. lost someone special - for now no, hoping all my love ones will be in full health

10. been depressed - fighting with it since 2011

11. gotten drunk and thrown up - i am not a drinker tho

🔹 fave colours

12. rosegold

13. black

14. pink

(BLACKPINK IN YOUR AREA ok sorry bye)

🔹 in the last year have you…

15. made new friends - yeps, my platonic soulmate @jikoookmin13 💜

16. fallen out of love - i think, no?

17. laughed until you cried - yes

18. found out someone was talking about you - yes

19. met someone who changed you - i changed myself but i think i changed to better a bit aftet meeting @jikoookmin13 💕

20. found out who your friends are - yes

21. kissed someone on your facebook friends list - nope noppie no

🔹 general

22. how many of your facebook friends do you know irl - actually all of them but i dont remember where and when i met them

23. do you have any pets - yes, 2 fully adult female cats with 2 baby kittens named Kookie and Mochi (yes i have JiKook in my house lol)

24. do you want to change your name - i wanna make my name shorter but i guess its fine so no

25. what did you do for your last birthday - it was on 26th Jan aka last Thursday, my mom buy me a lot of food and I received a very special present from @jikoookmin13 and @j-home made me cry with her words lol

26. what time did you wake up today - at 5am because i have to go to work sadly

27. what were you doing at midnight last night - sleeeeeeeeep

28. what is something you cant wait for - BLACKPINK BLOODY COMEBACK YG MAKE MY GIRLS COMEBACK PLEASE BUT WELL IM GLAD YOU MAKE IKON COMEBACK TOO

29. WHERE IS THE QUESTION FOR NUMBER 29 THO

30. what are you listening to right now - people talking, glass clinking im at work (in a food shop or something like that) so yeah

31. have you ever talked to a person named tom - nope

32. something that’s getting on your nerves - my 16 years old niece who keeps talking and singing and annoying me lol and also my 14 years old brother who is pretty much ANNOYING

33. most visited website - AO3 and Wattpad are the most but I often visit Twitter and trust me, I dont actually visit Tumblr much lol

34. hair colour - black with some really dark brownish streaks

35. long or short hair - Short

36. do you have a crush on someone - my classmate during college days but i mived on now and haha i think im not crushing anyone now (is crushing on Blackpink and BTS counted?

37. what do you like about yourself - My body hahahahahahahhahaha i have that small figure that everyone envy no jokes

38. want any piercings? - nope hahaha

39. blood type - trust me idk lol

40. nicknames - Hera, Syero weeeee

41. relationship status - married to @j-home but I think she wanna divorce me for some weird reason hm lol hahaha im single as in really single sadly

42. zodiac - aquarius

43. pronouns - she, her (?)

44. fave tv shows - Youn's Kitchen season 2 heeeeee

45. tattoos - no no no

46. right or left handed - right handed

47. ever had surgery - nope

48. piercings - dont wanna

49. sport - enjoyed hockey hahaha i am a one tough lil lady lol

50. vacation - first stop is Cebu to meet @jikoookmin13 next is Indonesia to meet my sister and then to France or where ever @j-home is haha

51. trainers - (?)

🔹 more general

52. eating - FRIES GOR BREAKFAST WEEE

53. drinking - plain water

54. i’m about to watch - TerryTV hahaha

55. waiting for - the right time to travel

56. want - TO TRAVEL ALONE lol idk how will i survived

57. get married - i dont think if i will get married lol but yeah maybe in few years if i found the one

58. career - currently helping my mom at her shop (the pay is decent love you mom) in the morning and a teacher in the afternoon weewoo

🔹 which is better

59. hugs or kisses - hugs

60. lips or eyes - eyes

61. shorter or taller - I prefer taller for boys

62. older or younger - older

63. nice arms or stomach - NICE ARMS

64. hookup or relationship - relationship

65. troublemaker or hesitant - troublemaker so we could make troubles together lol

🔹 have you ever

66. kissed a stranger - no

67. drank hard liquor - no

68. lost glasses - yeah after i woke up from a nap last three days and its actually in my niece's bag like how was is there when i put it beside me ergh see she is annoying

69. turned someone down - no

70. sex on first date - no

71. broken someone’s heart - hm idk no sure but i think whenever i fought with my bestfriends, our heart broke together is that counted?

72. had your heart broken - yes, a lot of times huehue

73. been arrested - no

74. cried when someone died - yes

75. fallen for a friend - yes

🔹 do you believe in

76. yourself - no but @jikoookmin13 and @j-home always believe in me i guess

77. miracles - sometimes

78. love at first sight - nope

79. santa claus - no hahaha my parents teach me about real life eversince im a baby lol

80. kiss on a first date - no

81. angels - of course I do weeee

🔹 other

82. best friend’s name - I have 8 bestfriends who want their name to be hidden away and I have my bby Reese @jikoookmin13 and then there's @j-home

83. eye colour - dark brown

84. fave movie - idk hahahahaha death bell? train to busan?

85. fave actor - Kim Jisoo and Kim Taehyung and JungChanwoo hahahahhaha my bbies are baaaaaae (Blackpink's Jisoo, BTS'V and iKon's bby maknae Chanu)

[hystericalvirgo-blog]

I have no where else for this

. Last text message- a homie

. Last kiss- when I was drunk

. Last song you listened to- Tyler the creator, She

. Last time you cried- Thursday

HAVE YOU EVER:

. Dated someone twice- not even once

. Been cheated on- probably not

. Kissed someone & regretted it- I thought it was funny

. Lost someone special- Yeah

. Been depressed- Uh huh honey

. Been drunk and threw up- gross yes, I’m a disappointment

THIS YEAR HAVE YOU:

. had sex- Nah

.Made a new friend- kinda but not really

. Laughed until you cried- miss that

. Met someone who changed you- yeah idk if it’s good or bad

. Found out who your true friends were- yeah but I still lost them

. What did you do for your last Birthday- went to the PNE

. What time did you wake up today- 12:20

. Name something you CANNOT wait for- my 20’s

. Last time you saw your all of your siblings at the same time- like An hour ago

. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life- my shitty fuck ups

. What are you listening to right now- earl sweatshirt

. Who's getting on your nerves right now- no one really

. Most visited webpage- google ;)

. Favorite colour- yellow & black

. Nicknames- I have some

. Relationship Status- sad

. Zodiac sign- Virgo

. Male or female- ladie

. Eye color-brown

. Height- 5’6

. Do you have a crush on someone- nope

. What do you like about yourself- im pretty funny

. Piercings- yeah 4

. Tattoos- yep 1 so far

. Righty or lefty- wanna be ambidextrous

FIRSTS:

. First piercing- when I was 11 I’m guessing

. First best friend- one of my cousins

. First hookup- a few months ago

RIGHT NOW

. Eating- Nothing

. Drinking- Orange juice

. I'm about to- sleep

. Listening to- my thoughts

. Waiting for- my mental health to be good

YOUR FUTURE:

. Want kids?- I mean sure

. Get married?- if it comes up and you’re cool

. Career- welder or some

WHICH IS BETTER:

. Lips or eyes- eye

. Hugs or kisses- hugs

. Shorter or taller- taller

. Older or Younger- older ;)

. Romantic or spontaneous- either or

. Nice stomach or nice arms- nice food liking

. Sensitive or loud- sensitive

. Hook-up or relationship- hangout

HAVE YOU EVER:

. Kissed a stranger- yeah…

. Drank hard liquor- every other week

. Broken someone's heart- yeah

. Been arrested- should’ve been

. Turned someone down- yeah whoops

. Cried when someone died- yeah

. Fallen for a friend- not really

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:

. Yourself- sometimes

. Miracles- if it happens it happens

. Love at first sight- nah

. Kiss on the first date- Sure

. How would you label yourself?- scared of anything but will fight you

. Someone You Pray Everyday For- I mean positive vibes to everyone

. If you could go back in time, how far would you go?- the 90s

. Are you afraid of falling in love?- kinda but I’m afraid of a lot

. Do you like the way you look?- i don’t care anymore

[crvcio]

85 Questions Tag Game

I was tagged by @tedslupin thanks so much! xx 

rules: answer these 85 questions and tag 20 people

tagging: @malfoymaxima @draccomallfoy @malfoyxsx @parselmouthingoff @engorgio @dearlovegood @susanbone @jilyss @unsqeakable @ginniewheezie @gothicmalfoy @horaceslughorn @azkabqn​ @burkesandborgin​ @ptterharrys​ @gryffindvor​ @gryffindorkx​ @1959black​ @bottomkirk (if you’ve already done this, don’t want to, or don’t do tag games, feel free to come to my house and punch me in the face honestly ill be totally fine with it)

THE LAST

1. drink: water 2. phone call: my mom 3. text message: my mom 4. song you listened to: cruel world by active child  5. time you cried: yesterday, really difficult homework assignment had me freaking out. apparently i wasnt the only person in my class to cry over it lol!

HAVE YOU EVER 6. dated someone twice: only if fwb counts? 7. kissed someone and regretted it: yep 8. been cheated on: not as far as i know 9. lost someone special: to death? not really, but in other ways yes 10. been depressed: yep im in a good place but it happens sometimes 11. gotten drunk and thrown up: nah fam im sober

3 FAVOURITE COLOURS 12. black 13. blue 14. purple

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU 15. made new friends: yep! lots of the lovely people on here included :) 16. fallen out of love: wasnt in it to begin with! 17. laughed until you cried: yeah not too long ago because of a dumbass inflatable alien haha 18. found out someone was talking about you: yeah, sort of, had some nasty coworkers 19. met someone who changed you: aforementioned nasty coworkers changed how much i trust people, but nothing super significant 20. found out who your friends are: in little ways, but for the most part i was already pretty confident where people fell in my life. 21. kissed someone on your facebook list: haven’t kissed in the last year at all!

GENERAL 22. how many of your facebook friends do you know in real life: the vast majority 23. do you have any pets: cat named moose, dog named crusher 24. do you want to change your name: i already have once legally (my last name), and i use different first names in various places for trans reasons but i dont think ill legally change my first name 25. what did you do for your last birthday: took a trip to DC, got horribly sick, threw up everywhere. good times haha! honestly it was still really nice. 26. what time did you wake up: 8am, i usually get up a bit later but i had a dentist appointment 27. what were you doing at midnight last night: reading fanfiction... whoops 28. name something you can’t wait for: my phone interview to work for disney tomorrow! 29. when was the last time you saw your mom: literally like a minute ago, she’s on my couch rn 31. what are you listening to right now: world princess pt II by grimes 32. have you ever talked to a person named tom: probably but i cant think of anyone i know named tom 33. something that is getting on your nerves: homework  34. most visited website: tumblr, tied with my email probably 35. hair colour: brown 36. long or short hair: really long, i dont cut it. 37. do you have a crush on someone: only celebrity crushes ha 38. what do you like about yourself: my adaptability 39. want any piercings: i might get a fourth on my left ear, but otherwise im happy with the ones i have 40. blood type: o-, universal donor 41. nickname: in a way, j.d. is a nickname 42. relationship status: single af lol 43. zodiac: saggitarius 44. pronouns: he/she/they 45. favourite tv show: person of interest 46. tattoos: nope 47. right or left handed: right 48. surgery: had dental surgery done twice. it’s not so bad. 49. piercing: 1 on right ear, 3 on left ear (all on the lobe) 50. sport: basketball, but i rarely play. im not very sporty 51. vacation: been dying to go to peru someday! 52. pair of trainers: one? 

MORE GENERAL 53. eating: nothing but im hoping i can bug my mom to make cinnamon rolls for us 54. drinking: water 55. i’m about to: finish my paper due thursday... but really im gonna write fanfic cause im trash 56. waiting for: my mom to wake up so i can bug her about the cinnamon rolls ha 57. want: cinnamon rolls. also world peace. 58. get married: ha, it’s gonna be a while before that. but i hope to someday. 59. career: educational psychologist, what im getting my degree in. or musician, if it works out lol.

WHICH IS BETTER 60. hugs or kisses: kisses 61. lips or eyes: eyes? 62. shorter or taller: shorter i guess? im open minded 63. older or younger: considering im 18, im not going to go much younger 64. nice arms or nice stomach: idk stomach? 65. hook up or relationship: relationship  66. troublemaker or hesitant: i guess troublemaker. but there are limits

HAVE YOU EVER II 67. kissed a stranger: no 68. drank hard liquor: yes 69. lost glasses/contact lenses: yes, temporarily 70. turned someone down: yes 71. sex on the first date: technically no 72. broken someone’s heart: yep 73. had your heart broken: yep 74. been arrested: no 75. cried when someone died: yes 76. fallen for a friend: yes

DO YOU BELIEVE IN 77. yourself: yes 78. miracles: small ones, but not like crazy stuff 79. love at first sight: infatuation, sure, but not real love 80. santa claus: no?  81. kiss on the first date: sure idgaf 82. angels: angels are real have you seen tom felton

OTHER 83. current best friend’s name: dont really have a best friend but my closest friend is ezra :) 84. eye colour: green 85. favorite movie: all that jazz

#tag game #jd talks

[ikarosapollo]

tagged by @zuukko ah thank you bethan!!

Rules: answer these 85 statements & tag 20 people

the last:

1. drink: soda

2. phone call: my mom

3. text message: my partners mom

4. song: what’s it gonna be - shura

5. time you cried: the night from thursday to friday last week? i think

have you ever:

6. dated someone twice: yea

7. kissed someone and regretted it: nope

8. been cheated on: not that i know of 

9. lost someone special: yeah

10. been depressed: i mean,,im pretty sure i am but ive never been diagnosed so

11. gotten drunk and thrown up: nope

favorite colors:

12. blue

13. purple

14. black

15: thats like,,it tbh asdghf

16:

i guess??

in the last year have you:

17. laughed until you cried: oh yeah for sure

18. found out someone was talking about you: yeaa

19. met someone who changed you: yep

20. found out who your friends are: i mean, kinda? idk

21. kissed someone on your facebook list: yeah

22. made friends: yep!! this past year ive made some really good friends and i love them all

23. fallen out of love: nope

general:

25. what did you do for your last birthday: uhh i have shit memory, i think i watdhed horror movies with my friends and played until dawn? im pretty sure that was last year..

26. how many of your facebook friends do you know in real life: all of them

27. do you have any pets: kinda, i mean its technically my partners cat but i love him

28. what time did you wake up: like,,6 am? i stayed in bed for a while tho

29. what were you doing at midnight last night: i think i might have fallen asleep already idk tho

30. name something you can’t wait for: going to london at the end of october for comic con!!! c:

31: what are you listening to right now: ring of keys from fun home

32: have you ever talked to a person named tom: no i dont think so

33: something that’s getting on your nerves: bethan wrote swedish and honestly?? mood??? actually speaking in general cause i always mess words up,, also like,,people,,,in general,,tbh

34. do you want to change your name: my birthname yeah cause i havent changed it yet

35. hair color: brown

36. long or short hair: short

37. piercings: i have an industrial and a few on my ear lobes, but that it,,for now

38. tattoos: i dont have any yet but i’m planning on getting at least one or two

39. blood type: i have no idea

40. nicknames: matt, matty, matti, tory called me atthole once and theresa called me matt thigh ass if those count asghjdf

41. relationship status: taken

42. zodiac: libra

43. pronouns: he/him

44. most visited website: tumblr, youtube is probably a close second

45. right or left handed: right

46. surgeries: a few, cause i was sick and also once i ha to reattach two of my toes when i was little lmao

47. sports: sports? idk her

48. favorite tv show: uh, criminal minds and elementary maybe? rn at least

49. vacations: i used to go to the mountains every spring but my grandparents sold their cabin so that’s not happening anymore, otherwise? ive been like,,no where

50. sneakers: i have like, one pair, and then a million pairs of converse

more general:

52. eating: i just had breakfast 

53. fave drink: orange juice i think

54. what you’re up to: looking over applications for the safeshironet and also im having anxiety about a meeting i have later

55. waiting for: top surgery,,going on t maybe,,also comic con!!

56. want: to be able to actually do something with my life at some point

57. get married: i’m not sure, maybe

58. career: ive always wanted to be an author but idk, id love to work with books tho so, librarian or working in a book store would be nice

which is better:

60. hugs or kisses: both

61. lips or eyes: eyes

62. shorter or taller: shorter

63. older or younger: neither tbh

64. nice arms or stomach: uhh arms? i guess

65. hook up or relationship: relationship

66. troublemaker or hesitant: like,,,what i like in a person or me? cause im hesitant af but idk man

have you ever:

67. kissed a stranger: no

68. drank hard liquor: yeaa

69. lost glasses/contacts: nope

70. turned someone down: yeah

71. sex on the first date: nope

72. broken someone’s heart: im pretty sure yea,,,

73. had your heart broken: ye when i was like 12 ajsdghf but also recently but not romantically

74. been arrested: nope

75. cried when someone died: yeah

76. fallen for a friend: yep yep

do you believe in:

77. yourself: moslty? nope

78. miracles: idk tbh, probably not

79. love at first sight: not really

80. santa claus: nope

81. kiss on the first date: i mean, yeah if thats what you wanna do?

82. angels: maybe? idk tbh

other:

83. current best friend’s name(s): elin, linnea, noah, theresa, lois also aleesha probably, idk those are the friends that are the most important to me rn, but i love all my friends :// they’re all the best :((

84. eye color: brown

85. favorite movie: the man from uncle

im tagging: @dianaofthemiscyra @transkeiths @ejharts @marshmallow-galaxy @macnkeith @connerkcnt @timotydrake @sharkiestshark @blackstarfires and @strawberrysombra 

this is really long and you guys dont have to do this if you dont want to <3

#tag games #this was so long #ashdgdf #thank you for tagging me i screamed #food mention // #alcohol mention // #i might have missed answering something cause i didnt answer them in order but fuck it

[dnafullver]

RULES: you must answer these 92 statements and tag 20 people

I was tagged by @big-bro-tiger-festival​ owo....

THE LAST:

1. Drink: ribena

2. Phone call: my mom

3. Text Message: my friend eimear!

4. Song you listened to: bee tee ess mic drop

5. Time you cried: last thursday i think

6. Dated someone twice: yea

7. Kissed someone and regretted it: idk

8. Been cheated on: nah (i think lol)

9. Lost someone special: i suppose

10. Been depressed: owo

11. Gotten drunk and thrown up: im underage dsfjkkjdlsf

LIST 3 FAVORITE COLORS:

12. red

13. black

14. white

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU:

15. Made new friends: yes !!

16. Fallen out of love: i guess

17. Laughed until you cried: of course owo

18. Found out someone was talking about you: i guess

19. Met someone who changed you: always,

20. Found out who your friends are: i suppose?

21. Kissed someone on your facebook list: owo, ,, , , , ,,,

GENERAL:

22. How many of your facebook friends do you know in real life: kind of all

23. Do you have any pets: zero (0)

24. Do you want to change your name: owo,,, i would like to

25. What did you do for your last birthday: idk?? just got presents i guess

26. What time did you wake up: at like 7:30 ish

27. What were you doing at midnight last night: sleeping!

28. Name something you can not wait for: going back to malaysia for th new lunar year,,

29. When was the last time you saw your mom: this morning !

30. What is one thing you wish you could change in your life: just not have anything Wrong w me

31. What are you listening to right now: dna,,,,,

32. Have you ever talked to a person named tom: my primary school principal!!

33. Something that is getting on your nerves: why im having so much anxiety than ever before

34. Most visited website: tumblr/twitter

35. Mole/s: i have freckles/moles that are like Me me . like. uh. i have one over my eye IDK HOW TO SAY

36. Mark/s: idk lol . i used to have a burn mark but it;s almost gone

37. Childhood dream: one rlly significant one is being in some kind of adventure play area after being in a crowded classroom where this one boy always spoke to me . and also i always went into customs w my passport after

38. Hair color: dark brown,

39. Long or short hair: medium ??

40. Do you have a crush on someone: OWO.

41. What do you like about yourself: i can kinda draw

42. Piercings: one piercing on each ear

43. Blood type: idk lol

44. Nickname: yoongi.

45. Relationship status: single now Piss Off

46. Zodiac: capricorn

47. Pronouns: they/he

48. Favorite tv show: doctor who? owo.

49. Tattoos: zero (0)

50. Right or left handed: right

51. Surgery: no,

52. Piercing: th. i just said

53. Sport: owo,,,,

54. Vacation: korea/japan/switzerland/iceland !!!!

55. Pair of trainers: just. trainers.

MORE GENERAL:

56. Eating: i Ate noodles earlier

57. Drinking: ribena!

58. I’m about to go: Sleep

59. Waiting for: HIXTAPE WAAAA

60. Want: to not die

61. Get married: go away

62. Career: i want to do smth involved w like . cell biology

WHICH IS BETTER:

63. Hugs or kisses: hugs ?? but kisses are nice

64. Lips or eyes: eyes.

65. Shorter or taller: nah i dont mind

66. Older or younger: i seem to prefer people romantically who are older (even by a few months)

67. Nice arms or nice stomach: whatever

68. Hookup or relationship: uuuuhhhhhh

69. Troublemaker or hesitant: idk. but im ur hesitant one

HAVE YOU EVER:

70. Kissed a stranger: no dsfkjjkdfs

71. Drank hard liquor: No

72. Lost glasses/contact lenses: well i dont think so

73. Turned someone down: sdfksdfjl of course

74: Sex on the first date: ew no

75. Broken someone’s heart: idk

76. Had your heart broken: maybe

77. Been arrested: NO SJKFDKJDSKLJ

78: Cried when someone died: owo,,,,

79. Fallen for a friend: always JKLJKLFSD

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:

80. Yourself: meh

81: Miracles: eh

82. Love at first sight: uuhhh

83. Santa Claus: no

84. Kiss on the first date: depends on how close you already are w the person

85. Angels: i am one,

OTHER:

90. Current best friend’s name: owo,,, i have a few

91: Eye color: brown

92: Favorite movie: idk. OWO

Tagging:

no one bc im dying squirtle.

#.txt