#my daughter is shaming me for getting sicker than her

[sarah-sandwich]

My! Throat!! Hurty!!!

#my daughter is shaming me for getting sicker than her #i understand you think you're funny kid but you dont understand how close i am to going out back and old yellering myself #i bought cough drops and throat spray stuff that was supposed to be delivered last night but my delivery guy flaked so they rescheduled me #for between 8-9 this morning i got at least 2 hours til then and lmty i am wasting #covid

[countrymusiclover]

2 - Being A Mother In The West

Part 3

Love in the Wild West

@hcwthewestwaswcn Co author

Y/n's Pov

Y/N was sitting on the porch, holding a sleeping little girl who was named Eve as she rocked in the rocking chair while she watched the men working the ranch as she stood up when she saw a familiar face, and instantly walked down the stairs of the porch as she saw, the man that left her nearly two years ago as she held her little girl close to her and stood there as she waited for Spencer to approach her once he reached the porch.

Y/N had survived the west, and she was a mother on top of it all. Y/N had given birth to a beautiful baby girl during a harsh winter snowstorm that was particularly harsh on the ranch as she rubbed her little girl’s back as she was just waking up as she stood there while waiting patiently and silently as she wanted to see Spencer but part of her, was also angry and upset because he had left her and their daughter without any word but she knew that his Aunt Cara had constantly wrote to him begging him to come home and everything under the sun as she kissed Eve’s head gently.

Spencer’s POV

Climbing out of the wagon I felt weird being back home. Being in the war changed me more than I'd like to admit. Slinging my shotgun over my shoulder I saw Aunt Cara walking up to me clearly angry yet happy by the expression on her face. "You've got some nerve coming back here after two years, Spencer. I would have thought the first letter I sent you saying that girl was pregnant would have sent you running back here instantly!"

"I couldn't come back here after the war, aunt Cara. I - I'm not the same man." I tried to explain but she smacked my arm like I was a child.

"That doesn't matter. You consider that girl family don't you. Well she needed you and you weren't here. Instead you were gallivanting across Africa. For shame on you, Spencer!" She scolded me watching uncle Jacob ride up to us on his horse.

He tugs on the reins of the horse giving me a weak smile at least that he is happy I was home. “I’m heading into town. Spencer it’s good to see you but you better have a good explanation to that girl. She’s more a part of this family now than when she was five.” He rode off leaving me with her.

I turned my head seeing that aunt Cara was gone up to the house and it was Y/n who stood in front of me instead. She was holding an infant in her arms wearing a simple dress with some pants. Brown boots with her hair loose and a light tan cowgirl hat on her head. “You’ve got some explanation for me, Spencer!”

Y/n’s POV

Y/N held the little girl, her eyes trained on the cowboy who left her high and dry when he enlisted into the war “you left me behind, and i had to deliver our baby by myself” She says, clearly angry as she handed the little girl to Cara as a dizzy spell hits her as she grabbed the railing of the porch as she took a deep breath but she was struggling to breath before she collapsed on the ground as she had been sicker since she delivered Eve during a winter that was harsher than most as she was running a high fever as she was barely breathing as she felt Spencer catch her in his arms as she stirred and looked at him before she coughed into her elbow because she was sick and everything was hurting because she was fighting a deadly flu strain that was making her terribly sick and ill “Spence, take me to bed. I need to rest, it’s the only way that i will get better” She says, her voice hoarse and rough as she tried to breath on her own but failed miserably

Spencer’s POV

Y/n was ranting my head off right before I saw her body stumble so I rushed forward catching her bridal style in my arms. She gripped my jacket in her hands before I rushed her inside the house, not bothering to bother her with questions until she was laying in bed. "Y/n, what happened. Are you coming down with something?" She pulled the covers up to her chest rolling onto her side not saying a word for a second.

"If you hadn't left, maybe you would know!" She grumbled avoiding my gaze before her eyes fell closed and I decided to leave her to rest.

Closing the door behind me I nearly jumped in the air seeing Cara standing in the hallway holding the tiny infant in her arms giving her a bottle of milk. "She got her stubborn side from her daddy. You really messed up when you left."

"How was I supposed to know she would stay or get pregnant with my possible child? She is mine isn't she?" I asked, throwing my hands away from the sides.

Aunt Cara entered a bedroom laying the baby down right before slapping me across the cheek sternly. "You idiot boy. You know very well how children come into this world. What you seemed to forget is how to be a father like your uncle Jacob taught you!" She stomped off with me holding my burning cheek just staring at her. Closing my eyes gently I knew I needed to talk with my uncle.

Jacob's Pov

Jacob looked at his nephew, running a hand through his hair “Can you tell me what possessed you to be so dumb, knocking up that girl and leaving her here alone to raise that sweet baby girl.” He says sternly, he had raised Spencer to be an upstanding man and make sure that he took responsibility for whatever he did and whoever it was with. “You knew that she was alone, and yet you were gallivanting across africa. You need to stop doing foolish things, and get to know her and that baby. Do you understand me!” He raised his voice, he was angry and disappointed in his nephew but he also knew that Spencer was being foolish and had slept with another woman during his time in Africa. "You will make sure that her and that little girl of yours are well taken care of, especially after leaving them alone for two years!” He shouted loudly, waking Eve from her nap as he saw Y/N run out of the house with the crying girl as he ran a hand over his face.

Spencer’s POV

Walking into the barn I removed my hat not wanting to be having anymore arguments today. I felt bad about what I did to Y/n but I was called to go to the war. I couldn't just return home whenever I wanted. Footsteps approached from behind where I saw Jack dismount his horse. "You hurt her really badly. Do you know that? Everyone here had to deal with that and I realized that I care about her too."

"What do you want me to say, Jack? I'm sorry she got pregnant. I didn't think it would happen so easily and we only slept together one time." I turned around to face him holding my hat in my hands. "And if you like her, why aren't you with her now?"

He crossed his arms over his chest answering the question. "Because I found someone else that I loved much more. I am getting closer to marrying her. Plus I didn't think she would want anyone to get close to her after you."

"I'm getting out of here, Jack. I didn’t come home to be treated like this." I grumbled brushing past him until he grabbed my arm holding me back.

We locked a deep gaze as he spoke towards me. "Ain't a thing more sensitive than the heart of a gal. You did her wrong. You need to fix it or I'll make you regret it." I had never seen a side of him like this but he clearly meant business.

Comments really appreciated ❤️

#love in the wild west #spencer dutton #spencer dutton x reader #brandon sklenar #1923 yellowstone #1923 series #1923 spoilers #1923 #yellowstone 1923 #jack dutton #jacob dutton #cara dutton #yellowstone tv #yellowstone fanfic #yellowstone #yellowstone series #wattpad fanfiction #ask box is open for feedback #comments really appreciated

[artificialqueens]

Tree House Kisses, Chapter 34 (Adorney) - Scorpio and Veronica

A/N: Click here for previous chapters. xoxo!

Chapter Summary: Adore turns 16. Courtney keeps reaching out.

Chapter 34: I Don’t Wanna Wait

Pearl tossed her bag across the basement floor, letting it fall as it may, momentarily pulling Willam’s attention away from his phone.

“Someone’s birthday is coming up,” Pearl sang, grinning at Adore as she quickly snatched the box of Cheez-Its from Trinity.

“Hey!”

Pearl flashed her a smile before shoving a handful of crackers into her mouth and then returning the box. She flopped onto the couch beside Adore and poked her in the side.

“So…birthday…ehhh?” she teased gently.

Adore gave her a small smile and nod; it felt like the millionth time she heard that line in the past couple days, and she was just about annoyed with it.

“Yeah! Are you excited? Bonnie make any plans?” Fame snapped her mirror closed, eyes lighting up in curiosity.

“Yeah, nothing too big. Angelica’s coming over and we’re gonna go out to eat. It’ll be nice.” Adore shrugged, playing with the loose thread on her jeans.

“Are we allowed to come or is it family only?” Trinity inquired, barely glancing up from her homework.

“If not, we’re gonna do something for her birthday anyway.” Violet shrugged, plopping down beside Trinity.

“Will it involve drugs and sex?” asked Willam.

“Do you know how to have fun any other kind of way?” Trinity rolled her eyes at Willam.

“I’m plenty fun!” Willam yelled, throwing an eraser at Trinity’s back.

“Ow, that hurt. You ass!” Trinity quickly scrambled to find the eraser to throw it back.

“Of course you guys are invited. Wouldn’t want to spend my birthday any other way,” Adore announced.

“So, we need to go shopping for a birthday outfit. I don’t have anything to wear,” Violet grabbed Trinity’s homework, copying the answers onto her own.

“Yeah, because it’ll be a shame if you didn’t look your best on Adore’s birthday,” Pearl joked.

“Exactly,” Violet replied with a smirk and a hair toss.

-

Courtney finished slicing tomatoes for the salad just as her mother strolled into the room. Thankfully, dinner tonight was just going to be the two of them, as Grandma Muriel was in San Diego visiting her cousins.

“Looks great, love!” Karen said, dropping a kiss to the top of her head.

“Thanks. Do you want avocado?”

“Why not? I’ve been good today.”

Courtney chuckled. Only her mother would see something that grew on a tree in their backyard as an indulgence.

“So, how was school this week?” Karen asked, pulling their vegan enchiladas out of the oven.

“Alright.”

“Just alright?”

Courtney shrugged.

“Hey, isn’t it Dory’s birthday this weekend?”

“Uh...yeah.” Courtney set the salad bowls on the table and dropped into her seat, avoiding her mother’s curious gaze.

“Does she have anything exciting planned?”

“Um...I’m not sure.”

“You’re not sure? So she’s not having a party?”

“I don’t-I don’t think so.” Courtney stuffed a forkful of salad into her mouth. She knew that she should have told her mom what was happening, but every part of her thought that it would’ve blown over by now.

“Well, maybe you want to plan something for her here? It’s been warm, so you can use the backyard-”

“She’s not talking to me, okay?!” Courtney finally met her mother’s eyes, and the concerned surprise made her feel even sicker than she already was. “She hasn’t talked to me since before school started. So...I don’t know if she’s having a party, and if she is, I wouldn’t be invited anyway, so…”

Karen paused, placing her fork down. She could see the misery on her daughter’s face and for a split second, guilt rose in her chest. How could Courtney be in a fight with her best friend of almost 10 years without her mother knowing?

“Are you okay, love? Do you want to talk about it?”

Courtney shook her head, tears collecting in her eyes. She took a deep breath, trying to pull herself together as her vision blurred. She’d cried so much in the last month that she was shocked she had anything left. Arms suddenly wrapped around her shoulders, as her mom hugged her tightly.

-

Adore and the rest of the girls wandered through the mall, floating from store to store, trying to find the perfect outfit for her dinner.

Little miss fashionista, Violet, pulled Adore away from every store she’d normally find herself going into. No ripped jeans, frayed skirts or 80s band shirts. Violet had a vision; elegant grunge, elevated chola. At least Violet knew her style, unlike Fame, who pulled her into every store she’d normally only enter if a certain green-eyed blonde pouted and tugged her in.

Adore tried not to think about her too much. Actually, she’d done a pretty good job not thinking too much at all.

The hardest part was just trying to fill that void that she left in Adore’s-

“Ooo, look, look, look at this! So cute!” Fame’s squealing jolted Adore out of her thoughts, as she grabbed a bright pink, thinned strapped, shimmery crop top off the racks, putting it to her chest for the girls to look.

“Uh, I think it’s cute for you,” Adore tried to keep her dislike for the brightly colored top off her face.

“You don’t like it?” Fame pouted slightly, looking in a mirror.

“Come on, Fame. You know that the only time you’ll find something like that in Adore’s closet is if Courtney-“ Trinity stopped short, quickly realizing her slip up.

She could feel Adore’s big hazel eyes staring at her and Trinity gulped, avoiding her gaze. In a haste to change the subject she quickly grabbed a dark green top off a rack.

“I think this is more Adore’s style.” Trinity finally looked over at her blue-haired friend, “Don’t you think, Adore?”

-

Bonnie started to climb into her car when a petite figure came darting around the corner, hissing, “Wait!”

She looked up and saw Courtney, eyes fearful, hurrying over to her with a small, wrapped box.

“Hey sweetie, how are y-”

“I’m sure you know that she’s mad at me,” Courtney said flatly. “I don't want you to take away from her day, so, don't give it to her tonight. But...maybe tomorrow? I don't want her to think I forgot.” She handed over the package, chewing nervously on her bottom lip.

Bonnie raised an eyebrow, putting a hand on Courtney's shoulder.

“You sure, babe? You know she can’t stay mad at you. Why not give it to her tomorrow yourself?”

Courtney's eyes filled with tears. She didn’t have the heart to tell Bonnie how long it had already been. Or how wrong she was, about everything. She just nodded, swallowing down the lump in her throat.

“I’m sorry to put you in the middle, Bonnie.”

Bonnie tucked a lock of blonde hair behind her ear and smoothed it down, saying, “It’s okay, honey. And don't worry, alright? I'll give her the present first thing tomorrow.”

“Thank you.”

“Anytime.” Bonnie leaned in and planted a kiss on Courtney’s forehead. “I’ll see you soon, hmm?”

“Yeah. Okay.” Courtney pulled away, turning and running back towards her house so that Bonnie didn’t see the tears spilling down her cheeks.

-

With dazed eyes, Adore watched herself in the reflection of Violet’s vanity. Everything was coming together nicely and her birthday had been going well so far.

She felt good about her birthday outfit considering the time and bickering it took for everyone to come to an agreement.

She liked the way the red tube top looked against her skin. Violet picked out the perfect faux leather pants that Adore thought flattered her shape nicely and she could wear with her favorite black laced ankle boots. Trinity had found the cutest oversized heart-shaped hoops and some black and red rhinestone bracelets in Claire’s to complete her outfit.

Adore had decided to get ready at Violet’s with the rest of the gang, with plans to meet her family at the restaurant.

Lately, she’d found herself becoming more dependent on the distraction of her friends to keep her mind off of Courtney. And today she needed that distraction more than ever.

Everything just seemed so off.

Her thoughts constantly wandered off, thinking about her bright green eyes and infectious laugh.

Courtney always made sure to be the first to tell Adore happy birthday; she’d stay over the night before so that when the clock struck 12, Courtney was always the first to do the honors.

The last three birthdays, Courtney had made a tradition of slinging Adore’s curtains open the minute the sun rose before climbing onto Adore’s bed, jumping around, sounding off with noisemakers and popping confetti all over her.

But this morning, Adore had slept in, not dragging herself out of bed until 12. As she scrolled through text messages, MySpace posts, and emails from family and friends wishing her a sweet sixteen she found herself bracing for Courtney’s usual grand entrance or call or text message or even some sappy post.

But it never happened.

And that was Courtney’s fault.

This all was, Adore had to remind herself, as she still craved for Courtney to call her, to sing her happy birthday or text her some sappy paragraph about growing old.

“I think it’ll be cute,” Pearl defended. She wanted to put a few braids in Adore’s hair and tease it, but Violet thought otherwise, wanting an updo and maybe giving Adore some bangs.

The two girls quarreled over Adore’s hairstyle as Fame took charge of her makeup.

“More glitter!” Willam ordered Fame.

“Willam! I know what I’m doing, give me some space.” Fame huffed, annoyed with Willam’s hovering.

Adore had hoped that the chaos of getting ready with them would keep her mind off Courtney, but she was wrong. Her eyes constantly found their way to her phone, waiting for the ring. Waiting for her phone to light up with Courtney’s number.

-

Walking into the restaurant, the gang followed the hostess towards the back where her mom and sister had already settled in. Adore’s face lit up when she saw that Adrian, who she was told wasn’t gonna be able to make it, stood from his seat. He rushed to her, wrapping her in a hug.

Adore laughed and squealed as she tried to squirm away from him. Mostly out of embarrassment, but with claims she didn’t wanna ruin her makeup.

“You’re just getting so big,” Adrian teased, “it’s right what they say ‘they grow up so fast.”

“Adore, you look so pretty,” Angelica complimented pulling her from Adrian into a tight hug. “I love these,” she commented on the earrings, “and your makeup looks incredible.”

“Thanks—“

“I picked out the earrings!” Trinity butted in.

“Yeah?” Angelica glanced at the girl.

“Yeah, they were on sale for five dollars.”

“I did her makeup,” Fame cut in, proud of her work.

“And I helped!” Willam reminded.

“No, you didn’t.”

“I said more glitter! Without me, the look would be trash.”

The clicking and flashing of the camera quickly stopped the bickering between the two as they posed for Bonnie.

“This is my good side.” Willam smiled as he shoved Pearl out the way, squeezing next to Violet.

“Hey!” Pearl shoved Willam back.

“The pretty ones need to be next to each other,” he gestured to himself, Violet and Fame. “Stand next to Trin.”

“How do you deal with them?” Angelica joked.

Adore shrugged “They’re fucking cool. Plus they always have my back.”

After a few more poses, Bonnie sat the camera down pulling Adore into an embrace.

“Oh, look at you, my little baby,” Bonnie cooed, leaving kisses on either side of Adore’s face. “Sixteen, sixteen years I’ve been blessed.”

Adore’s face was red with embarrassment but, her smile was bright, thinking about how lucky she was to be so very loved by her mother.

All month, Bonnie had been in a slight state of disbelief that her baby girl was nearly an adult. She was two years away from an empty nest, and was apparently facing her own mortality. Even though Adore’s height had surpassed her mother’s by the time she was fourteen, it hadn’t stopped Bonnie from treating her like anything other than her baby.

The days leading to Adore’s birthday, Bonnie had rambled on about all the missed days that she spent working and how she was should take a couple of days off to spend with Adore while she still could.

Just yesterday, her mother had climbed into her bed early in the morning, before she left for her shift. The two reminisced on the past and how fast time had flown. They talked about things like, was her favorite color still blue, favorite food still tacos. The type of music she was into now, celebrity crushes. She asked how the new school year has been going so far, and if Adore had any plans to keep the vibrant blue in her hair or change it. She even asked about Courtney, how she had been, where she’s been. Adore bristled and quickly dismissed the question. When Bonnie didn’t push, she was thankful.  

Adore was led to her seat, golden balloons in shapes of the number one and six tied to either side of her chair. There was a glittery gold ‘Happy Birthday’ sash on the back of the chair, which Violet helped her into, not wanting Adore to ruin her hair.

The waiter came to get everyone’s drink orders, and soon the table was engaged in a lively conversation.

Until.

“So, where’s Courtney?” Angelica asked, head cocked, brow furrowed in confusion.

“Uh...”

The table suddenly came to an incredibly loud hush.

Adore’s stomach churned, her mouth suddenly dry. What the fuck were the only words going through her mind.

She had been doing so good. She’d nearly forgotten the lack of Courtney’s presence.; she was actually having fun and for once not thinking about her estranged best friend.

Or thinking about how much she couldn’t stand her. And how much Courtney had hurt her. How much she missed her.

“I’m not sure,” Adore shrugged.

Angelica’s brows furrowed deeper, ignoring the stop signal from her younger brother and the stricken faces from the others.

“What do ya mean? Courtney’s never missed a birthday. And I think your sweet sixteen is a pretty big one. What’s going on?” Angelica pushed.

As long as Angelica could remember, the two were inseparable. Never went longer than a day without talking. Courtney even came along on a couple of family trips, because the girls couldn’t stand to be apart. So, the idea that Courtney Jenek was not here on a big day like this was mind-blowing.

An assortment of reactions went around the table. Adrian buried his face in his hands, second-hand embarrassment too much for him to handle.

Fame nervously gulped down half a glass of water while Willam crunched loudly on ice cubes.

“Uh, does everyone know what they’re getting?” Bonnie spoke up.

“The Cajun chicken pasta looks good,” Violet commented quickly.

“Yeah, I’m probably just gonna get the tenders and fries,” Trinity added, trying to help ease the tension.

Adore stared down at her menu. Blinking to keep the tears that threatened to spill from her eyes. She jumped as she felt Pearl’s hand rest on top of hers under the table.

“Wait, is she planning to pop out in a cake or something? Because I’d like to see that!” Angelica chuckled.

“I don’t know, don’t really care,” Adore finally spoke up. She didn’t mean for the words to come out as harsh as they did. But fuck it, she thought as she reached for her pink lemonade.

She didn’t want to think about what Courtney could be doing on her birthday. She deserved one day that didn’t revolve around thoughts of Courtney.

“Are you guys ready to order?” The waiter appeared pad in hand.

“Saved by the otter,” Willam mumbled loud enough for the table to hear, enticing awkward chuckles from the group as the waiter smiled in confusion.

-

Adore’s hands covered her face as the restaurant employees made their way out of the kitchen, cake in hand, drawing attention with their loud rendition of Happy Birthday, her friends and family singing along poorly making it so much worse. Even some of the other restaurant-goers decided to join in song, everyone turning to see.

Violet and Pearl sat on either side of her, trying to pry her hands away from her face.

“Adore, come on, let me get a photo!” Bonnie reached over, swatting Adore’s hands away to get a good picture of her daughter.  

Face red and buried in her hands, she had no plans to look up until all of this was over. But even with the embarrassment, she was experiencing at the moment, her heart was filled with delight at the show her friends and family were making over her.

Adore could feel the warmth of the candles as the song came to an end.

“Come on, Adore. Blow out the candles and make a wish!” Bonnie encouraged.

Adore removed her hands, taking in the smiling faces of everyone around the table.

“Make a wish! We wanna eat cake, not wax,” Willam teased.

Adore closed her eyes and wished the only thing she could think of.

To go back in time, so that things could be different and that Courtney would be here with her. As the table erupted into cheers, she opened her eyes and smiled, doing her best not to look as devastated as she felt inside.

-

Adore entered the kitchen, rubbing her eyes.

“I really hope you’re not planning to judge me, because I’m having cake for breakfast whether you like it or not,” she announced.

Bonnie laughed and pulled a Tupperware with the leftover cake from the fridge.

“Anything you want, monkey. Still your birthday week!”

“Awesome,” Adore said, grabbing a fork and sitting down at the table.

“Oh, and, um...here, there's a present I forgot about yesterday.”

Adore’s eyes lit up as she snatched the gift from her mom's hands and unwrapped it greedily.

“Thanks, ma! Who wrapped it though? This is way nicer than how you normally-” she stopped short when she opened the box and glanced at the handwriting on the card.

As much as she’d been hoping to hear from her, desperately wishing things were different, seeing it was overwhelming. And of course, the card was inside the box. If the card was on the outside, Adore wasn’t sure she’d have opened it. But now it was too late, and she had a card in her hand, and sitting atop a cushion of velvet, a choker—the band was black leather, decorated with little cut-outs to make it look like lace, and dangling from the center was a beautiful, shiny Onyx star.

Hey Dory, It’s so crazy to be anywhere except with you today. But I know you’re still mad, and it’s your birthday, after all, so I guess I can give you a small break from relentlessly hounding you. But I ordered this 3 months ago and it seemed stupid not to give it to you. It's still your birthday, right? And even though I’m not your favorite person right now...well, you’re still mine. So Happy Birthday. I hope it was great. I love you. Always, C

Adore stuffed the note and the choker back into the box, furious with both Courtney and herself. It was, of course, fucking perfect. Something that, had she seen it in the store, she would have coveted immediately. Which made it even worse. And that note? Ugh.

-

Courtney couldn’t say that she was surprised, when she didn’t hear from Adore after her birthday. She was disappointed, though. A week later, she looked up from her history book to peer out the window. She’d been antsy all evening, waiting for Adore’s bedroom light to go on, and now, seeing it, she marched out her back door and through their backyards, tears stinging her eyes. This had gone on long enough. She was not about to let another week go by without her best friend. Adore could be mad, didn’t have to want her romantically, fine, but she was not allowed to cast her aside like she didn’t matter.

She rang the doorbell at the Delano’s back steps, hugging herself. Of course she’d gone stumbling blindly into the Autumn night without a sweatshirt.

“Adore! I see your light, open up!”

She waited and waited. Rang the doorbell again.

“Dory, please, come on!”

She waited some more. No answer. This again.

She began to pound on the door, trying not to cry, calling out, “OPEN THE FUCKING DOOR!”

Silence.

Tears began to leak from her eyes. She banged harder, so hard her fist hurt.

“YOU’RE BEING RIDICULOUS! ADOOOOORE!!! FUCK!!”

Still nothing.

Throat now raw from screaming, she continued, “IT’S FREEZING OUT HERE! ADORE!! OPEN UP!!”

-

Bonnie sat up in bed, rubbing her eyes, irritated. What the fuck was going on outside her home? She’d gotten off a 24-hour shift at the hospital mere hours earlier, and she was simply trying to get some much-deserved rest. She let out an aggravated sigh and rose from the bed, tying a bathrobe around herself and padding across the hall to her daughter’s room, where she knocked on the door.

“Uh, hello?”

“Yeees?” came the sugary sweet voice from the other side of the door.

“Adore, why the hell is Courtney Jenek throwing a temper tantrum outside our back door?”

“No idea, why don’t you ask her?”

“Adore...you’re really grinding on my last nerve here…I had a long day and I’m trying to fucking sleep.”

“I have. No. Idea. And I have no desire to find out. So you’re welcome to tell her to fuck off.”

Bonnie sighed and padded down the stairs, shaking her head. She opened the door, saying, “Alright, kiddo, you know I love you, but it’s time to go home…Some of us are trying to sleep.”

Courtney stopped, lowering her hand, eyes red and puffy, tears streaming down her face.

“I’m...I’m sorry, Bonnie. I was just...I’m so sorry.” Her face crumbled and she let out a wrenching sob.

Bonnie looked at her, a picture of abject despair. What the fuck was going on? She sighed, pulling her in for a hug.

“Oh, honey, come here…” She smoothed her hair down, rocking her.

“Why does she h-hate me?” Courtney wept against her chest.

“She doesn’t hate you. Is this the same fight? I’m sure she’ll get over it soon. You know she loves you.”

Courtney nodded, sniffling, wishing with all of her heart that Bonnie was right.

“Okay. Thanks. I’m really sorry.” She pulled away, taking a shaky breath, and then pausing and saying, “Bonnie?”

“Yes?” Bonnie opened the door back up a little.

Courtney looked up at her, shivering, green eyes full of anguish. “Please tell her I miss her.”

“Sure, baby. Goodnight.” Bonnie smiled, touching her cheek gently before closing the door. Jesus Christ. She climbed the stairs and stopped at Adore’s room again, hesitating before knocking.

“What?” came the sharp voice from inside.

Bonnie sighed. “She seems pretty miserable, Adore. I don’t know what she did to piss you off, but maybe you could cut her some slack.”

Adore wrenched open the door, saying, “That’s right, you don’t know. I thought you said you needed to sleep.”

“Honey, I-”

“So why don’t you go to sleep and stay out of my fucking business?” She slammed the door in Bonnie’s face.

Bonnie stood there for a moment before shaking her head and walking back across the hall to her own bedroom, shaking her head, muttering, “Hormonal little cunt.”

#rpdr fanfiction #tree house kisses #scorpio #veronica #adorney #adore delano #courtney act #violet chachki #pearl liaison #miss fame #trinity k bonet #willam belli #high school au #lesbian au #angst #fluff

[danceworshipper]

The End of Jason Chiva - 1996

(I haven't posted a fic on here in a while, huh? Well, have some angst. Gracie and Tessa are 22 in this)

"Charles," Clarissa said, picking up her wine glass, "when do you and my daughter plan on having children?"

Charlie coughed, his steak apparently having gone down the wrong pipe. Gracie smacked his back, which earned her a slight glare.

"Mother, I've told you before, we're not ready," she said. Gracie knew that she was 'behind' her sister in that way, but she also knew she wasn't ready to be a mother.

Clarissa sighed heavily and finished her glass in one go. Margaret, their mother's 'dearest friend', poured her some more.

"Your sister has already given me three grandchildren," Clarissa said. "But you have given me none."

"I've only given you one so far," Tessa corrected.

"Then you have a tumor? I was under the assumption you were pregnant with twins."

Tessa frowned. "It's a high risk pregnancy, Mother. I might still lose them."

"Nonsense," Clarissa said. "You managed Alexander despite being poisoned. You can handle twins."

Gracie looked down at Alexander, who was sitting on Barnaby's lap picking at the vegetables. Barnaby was trying to get him to use a fork, but Alexander very clearly did not want to.

"Rissa, pass me the salt?" Margaret asked. Rissa, not Claire, Gracie noticed. Her father would call her mother Claire.

Clarissa passed over the salt shaker. Gracie knew that Margaret wasn't just her mother's friend. It was obvious with the way the looked at each other. She wondered how long it had been going on; Margaret and her mother had met at Hogwarts. Margaret was very pretty, especially for her age - though, so was Clarissa. Gracie supposed it was a match made in Heaven. Two failed marriages between them, but they seemed very happy together.

She was about to ask Margaret for the salt next, when a loud bang came from the living room. Gracie looked to her mother, but she looked just as confused as the rest of them.

Another loud bang sounded, followed by a smaller one, and a deep voice grunting.

"I thought the wards wouldn't let anyone in without an invitation," Tessa whispered.

"They shouldn't," Clarissa responded just as quietly. "Only family can enter without permission."

Gracie's mind shot to the worst case scenario, and when she looked to Charlie, she knew his did too. Jason Chiva got moved out of Azkaban today to a kinder prison. He was getting older and sicker by the day, and since he had calmed down in the past decade, he qualified for a transfer. Gracie knew better, though. Her father was here, in this house - where he wasn't supposed to be.

Charlie gripped Gracie's arm as she moved to stand up.

"You can't," he said.

"I have to."

Charlie closed his eyes, knowing better than to try and stop her. "Be careful."

Gracie stood up.

"Where are you going?" Clarissa demanded.

"He's probably here for me anyway," Gracie said vaguely.

"No!" Tessa yelped, a little too loudly. Heavy footsteps grew closer.

Gracie slipped through the door and shut it tight behind her. She knew her father's mental state was bad, but just how bad? No one knew. It would be better to not let him see everyone and get overwhelmed.

As she debated moving away from the door, her father rounded the corner. Surprisingly, Jason looked a lot like he did the last time Gracie saw him, though now he was older and skinnier. The stone cold anger behind his eyes though - that was the same.

For a moment Jason didn't seem to realize who he was looking at. His eyes passed right through Gracie as if she didn't exist. For a moment, it felt like he was looking through the door behind her, and he didn't like what he saw.

Then his eyes snapped onto Gracie's.

"You're alive," Jason said.

"I am," Gracie said. "And you're not supposed to be here."

"This is my house," Jason snapped. "No matter what your mother thinks, this house is mine. I set the wards, and they bow to me."

"You should be in prison," Gracie said.

"I was in prison for almost eleven years. I deserve to be free now."

"You're a murderer," Gracie said, ignoring the little voice in her head. We're murderers too, it said. We're no better than him. "You'll never deserve to be free."

"I did this for you, Gracie," Jason said angrily. "You put me in jail for trying to help you!"

"You could have helped so many other ways," Gracie said. "You lost your mind."

Jason moved forward. Gracie held up her wand.

"You'd dare strike your own father?"

"Yes, I would."

"Where is my other daughter?" Jason asked. "Perhaps she'll be happier to see me."

Gracie shook her head. "She's not here."

"Don't lie to me. I know family dinner is on Sunday nights."

"She's not here," Gracie repeated. "She's on vacation in Greece." The lie came out easily.

Jason glared behind Gracie at the door. "My wife, then."

"You know she'd kill you on sight," Gracie said. "You ruined her life for years."

"No, you did!" Jason yelled. "You're the one who got me arrested! I could have been here! I could have loved your mother, and I could have raised you and your sister! You did this!"

"Get out of here," Gracie snarled. "You will not blame me for protecting my family."

Jason's jaw dropped. "You thought I would hurt our family? I would never."

Gracie shook her head. "Just leave. I know the aurors are outside by now."

"Again? You'd abandon me again?"

"You abandoned us the very first day you decided to hurt innocent people!" Gracie snapped. "Get out of this house!"

Jason moved forward again. "You've lied to me, Gracie. I know my daughter is here. I saw her through the window. Who are those men? Are they your husbands?"

"Leave."

"And I saw the little boy, too," Jason continued. "Is he my grandchild?"

"I'll invite the aurors in," Gracie threatened.

"It's a shame my son isn't here as well."

"Jacob is dead!" Gracie yelled. "He died protecting us all!"

Jason's face showed the slightest flicker of emotion. "Where is he buried?"

Gracie swirled her wand to call on the wards. There were three people just outside the property. Thomas, Stephen, and Viola. Let them in, Gracie thought. She hoped they were fast enough.

"You don't love me," Jason said. "That's why you're doing this. I'm going to die in jail, you know."

"I know."

Jason moved forward one more time. He was too close now.

"You've grown into a beautiful woman despite everything," Jason said. "It's a shame I wasn't here to watch it happen."

"You were where you belonged," Gracie said. She had a feeling Jason was going to try and get through the door behind her. She couldn't let him. She couldn't let him hurt anyone else. Where were the aurors?

"I want to see my family, Gracie," Jason said. Her name sounded awful coming out of his mouth. "You're going to let me see my family."

"No."

Jason shoved Gracie into the wall next to her. Her head pounded from the impact, but Gracie managed to keep her eyes open. Hide! she thought at Tessa desperately. She grabbed for Jason's arm to stop him from opening the door, but he snarled and threw her off of him.

Tessa screamed as Jason ripped the door open, and Gracie heard Alexander start to cry, though she couldn't see him or his mother.

"Margaret," Jason seethed. "That's my seat."

Gracie screeched as Jason rushed into the dining room, grabbing Margaret by the neck and squeezing.

"Avada Kedavra!" Gracie cast, impulse kicking in. Jason dropped to the floor, leaving Margaret gasping and looking as though she was about to cry. Gracie stumbled into the room, holding her head and trying not to cry herself. She just killed her father. This wasn't like with Rakepick; she had never liked the woman in the first place. This was her dad. Her dad that had loved her, at least before he went insane. She could have done any other spell. Why had her brain defaulted to that one? An image of Rowan's neck flashed in her eyes and Gracie whimpered. The curse. It still had her.

The aurors ran into the room.

"You're too late," Gracie said weakly. "I had to... I..."

Thomas, whom Gracie recognized from the first time she defied her father, moved to check Jason's body.

"It's alright," he said. "At least no one else is hurt."

Gracie looked around the room. Her mother and Margaret were holding each other - but only Margaret looked upset. Clarissa almost looked relieved. Tessa was holding Alexander behind Barnaby, whose arms were out to block her. They all stared at Thomas and the others as they did whatever they were doing with the body. Charlie, though - Charlie was staring at Gracie with what could be mistaken for pride in his eyes.

"I'm sorry this happened," the woman, Viola, announced. "We'll take care of him for now. Clarissa, we'll owl you when we're able to release the body for burial."

Clarissa made no answer. Her eyes were hard.

The aurors left, taking Jason's body with them.

"Gracie," Charlie said, coming up behind her. "Is your head okay?"

Gracie removed her hand and saw a small bit of blood.

"I just want to go home," Gracie admitted.

Charlie took note of the blood and winced. "Can we call Chiara over for your head?"

"If we have to."

Tessa made eye contact with Gracie. She felt Tessa's legillimancy link up to hers. It's okay. You did the right thing.

I could have just stunned him.

You're okay, Tessa thought more firmly.

Gracie looked away and shut her mind down. She wasn't okay. She just killed again even though she swore she never would. She was a murderer and nothing could change that.

"We're going home," Charlie said. "I'll call you, Barnaby."

"Okay," Barnaby responded.

Charlie gripped Gracie's hand. They spun. The pressure hit Gracie too hard, and she collapsed when they landed. She barely heard Charlie call Chiara.

#hogwarts mystery #hphm mc #gracie chiva #tessa chiva #charlie weasley #barnaby lee #my writing #angst #murder warning

[yourdeepestfathoms]

and then you became the moon (part 1)

you’ve heard of the fics about how the queens met and got close now get ready for: that but with the ladies in waiting and it’s mainly about Bessie and Maggie

this fic is heavily based on some amazing headcanons by @the-k-howard-look which i absolutely LOVE! seriously they are so freaking cute and i love reading over a lot, so i had to do something with them!

TW: None, I believe, but let me know if there are any

------------

It was raining.

Four women sat in a back room of a theater on that fateful day, staring at each other in silence. It was a little awkward to say the least, but, eventually, one of them spoke up.

   “Well, I guess I’ll take one for the team,” She said, “I’m Maria de Salinas. I was Catherine of Aragon’s lady in waiting.”

The most noticeable thing about her was her curly, frizzy hair, but also her kind eyes, which were similar to that of a gentle doe gazing at you from the forest. Out of all of them, she was definitely the most laid back and calm one.

   “Maria,” The woman to her left said, “Yes, you’re not exactly hard to forget. Especially with that mane.”

Maria grinned at her.

   “Good to see you too, Bess.”

The woman had her arms crossed over her chest and sat up straight, holding herself in a defensive posture in a way. Her build was similar to a bear’s, but she had the eyes of a harpy eagle and the hands of a wolf.

   “Elizabeth Blount,” She introduced herself, “But I prefer to go by Bessie. I was a lady in waiting to several queens.”

   “Oh yeah, I remember you!” The blonde across from her pipes up. She’s not as relaxed as Maria, but is definitely more loosened up than the other two. However, she looked well built and strong. “I don’t think we talked much, though. Anyway, I’m Joan Meutas, but I think my name is sometimes Jane? It’s Joan, though. Jane Seymour was my mistress.”

   “Joan, Jane,” Maria shrugged, “They’re easy to mix up.”

Joan laughed a little, already matching well with Maria’s carefree, friendly demeanor.

   “Yeah. It’s strange.”

Maria nodded and then looked to the last of the group.

She was young, no more than seventeen at best, and was awfully scrawny. Her brown hair was a mess upon her head, she was very pale, except for the dark red flush on her cheeks, and she was shivering, but her pale blue eyes still remained very beautiful, despite how glassy they looked.

   “Oh. I’m Margaret Lee. You can just call me Maggie.” She said and her voice is very hoarse.

Bessie perks a little upon hearing her name, which makes Maria glance at her, but she settles quickly.

   “Are you okay?” Joan asks the youngest, slight worry glinting in her eyes.

   “Yeah,” Maggie replied swiftly, “Just a little cold, that’s all.”

   “It has been raining for awhile.” Maria nodded.

A few moments later, a woman enters, introducing herself as Sasha. She began to explain the show, telling the four of them about how they were going to be the band for the queens.

   “Can’t wait to stand in the background!” Maria said and Joan snorted.

Although actually being able to perform would be fun, the group accepted that they were just going to be the ones who played the music. At least they were being paid.

Over the next few days, basic rundowns were gone through, and it wasn’t long before the sheet music for the first song was given. However, something else was happening.

The youngest of the group, Maggie, was definitely getting sicker. She came in looking more and more feverish as each day passed. It was worrying, of course, but Bessie seemed to be the most concerned. A strange maternal feeling kept welling up inside of her each time she saw the girl. Perhaps it was because she had died giving birth to her daughter, who was also named Margaret.

Maybe...

No.

No, Margaret Lee was not her Margaret. She was just missing her baby, which was also weird because she had seven kids, so you would think she would get tired of holding a screaming bundle that looked like a wrinkly tomato.

But something about Margaret...

The name was special, at least to Bessie. It had been suggested to her by Lady Anna of Cleves, who she had been working under while pregnant. The two of them mused about baby Margaret without even knowing if she WOULD be a girl. Although, Anna knew for a fact that she would be, though.

And she had been right.

Unfortunately, she never got to meet baby Margaret, like Bessie, who only held on long enough to name the infant.

What if this was her second chance at being there for her Margaret?

No! No. No, that was just absurd.

However, her motherly instincts continued to flare, especially when she noticed Maggie starting to sway during rehearsals.

   “Margaret!”

Strong arms wrapped around Maggie’s waist when she started to collapse. Her eyes pop open wide and she staggered, trying to push away.

   “Easy. I’ve got you.”

Bessie lowered the two of them to the ground. Maggie presses up against the wall, her cheeks burning in embarrassment. Or maybe that was just the flush from her fever.

   “Sorry,” Maggie whispered, “I just-”

   “No need to apologize, love,” Bessie assured her, “You really shouldn’t be here if you’re sick, though.”

   “No, I’m fine. Really.”

   “Have you taken any medicine?”

Maggie opened her mouth and then closed it. Bessie frowned.

   “Maggie?”

   “Can’t afford it.” Maggie mumbled, bowing her head in shame, “I can barely make rent, so I can’t waste any money on anything else.”

   “Oh, love...”

Maggie shook her head. She pushed herself up to her feet, wobbling a little, but uses the wall for support. Bessie stands quickly, hands hovering out a little, ready to catch the girl in case she fell again.

   “How about to stay with me tonight?”

Maggie froze. She looked at Bessie with wide eyes.

   “What?”

   “Come stay with my at my flat.” Bessie said, “I have medicine.”

   “Bessie, I can’t do that.” Maggie stammered.

   “I insist.” Bessie pressed, “Please, hun, you need time to recover. You’ll only get worse if you don’t take anything. Let me help you.”

Maggie opened her mouth, then shut it. Her hazy mind toiled over what was just presented to her. The codependent part of her couldn’t help but be filled with a sense of need, thinking that this woman really wanted to be around her. The other part, though, was screaming at her to say no. Intruding on Bessie’s home was rude. However, her need to be cared for by someone was much greater than the fear, so she agreed.

It was settled, then. After rehearsals ended, Bessie drove herself and Maggie to her flat. When they got there, Maggie was barely awake in the passenger seat, leaning her head on the seat belt. She was so dazed and out-of-it that she didn’t even hear the driver’s side door closing or her own opening.

Bessie looked down at the girl with a soft smile. She hated to have to disturb her, especially when she looked so peaceful (or as peaceful as one could get when ill), but they had to get inside before the drizzle outside picked up.

   “Maggie, love,” Bessie said softly, lightly pressing on her shoulder to rouse her, “We’re here.”

Maggie’s pale blue eyes fluttered open and she stared at Bessie for a moment before mumbling something incomprehensible and unbuckling her seat belt. Bessie helped her out of the car and up to the flat. The bassist absolutely would have carried the girl, she didn’t look heavy at all and Bessie wasn’t weak by any means, but she felt that that might have been overstepping the boundary. So, instead, she just kept one arm around Maggie’s shoulders for support.

   “Are you okay with animals?” Bessie asked while getting her keys out. She noticed Maggie tense up and frowned. “What’s wrong, love? Are you going to be sick?”

  “Dogs?” Maggie squeaked out.

Bessie furrowed her eyebrows before realizing what the girl meant.

   “Oh, no. I don’t have dogs. Just a cat.”

Maggie relaxed and nodded.

   “Not a fan of dogs, I take it?”

The girl nods again.

Bessie hummed, keeping that in mind.

She opens the door and guides Maggie into her apartment, where they are greeted by a meow from the living room.

   “That old lady is Reefer,” Bessie said, nodding at the tortoiseshell cat. “She’s friendly.”

A small smile twitched on Maggie’s lips when she held out her hand to the cat, who nuzzles her fingers as a hello.

   “She’s pretty,” Maggie murmured.

Bessie smiled a little before pointing out the bathroom and spare bedroom. While doing so, she noticed Maggie struggling to simply follow along with what she was saying. The poor girl needed medicine and she needed it now.

   “Alright, hun,” Bessie set a hand on Maggie’s shoulder when she started to sway, “Let’s get some medicine in you and then you can get changed and take a shower. How does that sound?”

Maggie nodded feebly and Bessie eased her into sitting on the couch while she went to get the medicine. She ended up hunching over, holding her pounding head in both hands. Bessie frowned when she saw this while walking back over.

   “Here, love,” Bessie said softly, holding out a small medicine cup full of a thick scarlet liquid. She chuckled lightly when she saw the bitter face Maggie made. “It’ll help you, I promise.”

Maggie had no other choice but to down the liquid, which left a disgusting taste in her mouth. She shook her head, deciding that she hated medicine, but loved Bessie’s presence and care, so she would deal with it.

After taking a few other things (Bessie was tempted to give her everything she had for an illness, but didn’t want to accidentally overdose the poor thing), Bessie helped Maggie to her feet and guided her over to the bathroom to clean off and get changed into some clothes she was letting her borrow.

After Bessie went back to the kitchen to start dinner, Maggie slipped behind the curtain and stood under the water for a moment. Finally, she moved again, reaching for a bottle of soap and slathering some against her body and-

   “Wait.”

She still had her clothes on. Those had to come off. Of course.

She awkwardly loitered for a second, making sure the soap got out of the fabric of her shirt before stepping onto the floor mat. How delirious and stupid was she? Bathing with her clothes on? Who did that?

Taking off her clothes took great effort, as her limbs seemed to be made of lead. She discarded them in the sink, shuffled back into the shower, and almost immediately spits out the water that beats into her face. Blindly, like she has never bathed before, she paws around for a safe spot from the onslaught.

Normally, a hot shower would be relaxing, but when sick and feverish, it was like a torture segment. Instead of cleaning her, it was scraping her skin off entirely. Claws of fire latch onto frayed edges and tore down, tunneling down into her very core.

Maggie wasn’t going to let herself be defeated by a damn bath. She had the overwhelming urge to punch the spigot, but that probably wouldn’t do much for her. It was made of metal, after all.

All of a sudden, her knees gave in and she snapped out of her reverie when she collapsed to the floor. She reached up to try and regain some mobility, but only succeeded in knocking over every single soap bottle onto herself when her hand slipped on the bar.

Maggie: 0. Shower: 1.

Exhaustion seemed to be bred into her bones. It keeps her from sitting upright and she spends multiple long minutes just lying face-down on the floor, face smothered against puddles of water. She rasps and coughs, rolling heavily onto her side and pulling her legs in close. She pressed her burning forehead against her knees and shivered, despite the temperature of the water.

Resting her eyes for a moment wouldn’t hurt anyone.....

Water bills were a thing, though. And this wasn’t even her house.

Sighing heavily, Maggie pushed herself onto her knees and grabbed a rag to start wiping herself off. She douses her hair in shampoo and uses her nails to scrub the brown locks free from sweat. She repeats this process at least three times before finally twisting the faucet handle. The torrent of liquid fire sputters to a halt.

Lavender-scented steam billowed outward as the shower curtain was yanked open. Maggie paws around for a towel and swathes it around herself. She takes to drying her hair by shaking her head around wildly like a wet dog. Her entire body disagreed with this method, as it made her feel even more woozy, but she didn’t care.

Once she was finished wrestling with her clothes, Maggie sluggishly dragged herself out of the bathroom, still shivering. Bessie peeks out of the kitchen and then hurried over to her.

   “I’m making dinner right now,” She tells her, “Do you want to take a nap while you wait?”

Maggie nodded and Bessie helped her to the extra room, but that’s the last thing she remembered, because she eventually woke up to the sound of music.

Prying open her heavy eyelids, Maggie rolled over and nearly fell right out of the bed, but managed to catch herself before she could smack against the ground. She peeked out of the bedroom and saw Bessie sitting in the living room, strumming at a shiny black and white bass. The hum of the instrument sent vibrations up through Maggie’s body, even at the distance she was standing at. It sounded so beautiful and she couldn’t help but be drawn to it.

Bessie jumped when she noticed the girl slowly approaching her. She halted in her playing and set her bass aside to go check on Maggie.

   “You’re still really hot,” Bessie murmured when she felt Maggie’s forehead, “Is everything okay, sweetheart?”

   “Your playing was really pretty.” Maggie said, her words slurring together.

   “Oh. Thank you.” Bessie said, “Did I wake you?”

   “Pretty...” Maggie just mumbled again. She teeters forward and Bessie quickly catches her. The bassist adjusts her hold, noticing whited out scars running up Maggie’s arms when she does so, but ignores those for now.

   “Okay, love, let’s get you back in bed. You don’t seem to have the energy to eat right now, huh?”

   “Wait-” Maggie’s eyes open quickly. “No. Wanna stay with you.”

   “But-”

   “Please?”

Bessie couldn’t say no to those big blue eyes that gazed up at her, so she agreed and, instead, made Maggie sit down on the couch. The girl curled up against her instantly and those motherly instincts came rushing back. Pushing the boundaries a little, she wrapped an arm around Maggie and pulled her close.

The way the girl snuggled up against her nearly sent Bessie into another plane of existence. There was just something about her that Bessie couldn’t explain, but she wanted to hold her and take care of her like a mother would. She was sure this was just from her missing her baby, and Maggie’s affection towards a woman she’s only known for a week is definitely from her fever, but she liked to think there was some kind of spark between them, even if it was an absurd thought.

Bessie knew, deep down, she shouldn’t get close to Maggie like this, but she couldn’t stop herself when she leaned down and gently kissed the top of the girl’s head.

The sigh of contentment made her heart flutter and she decided to ignore the thoughts saying she shouldn’t do this.

She had her little Margaret back in her arms and she wasn’t going to give that up.

#they have a mother daughter relationship sorry i dont make the rules #it's canon now #I love these two so much #six the musical #six the musical fanfic #six the musical fanfiction #six fanfiction #six ff #six fic #bessie on the bass #maggie on the guitar #maria on the drums #joan on the keys #ladies in waiting #band as family #bandily #anna of cleves #catherine of aragon #jane seymour

[urfaustus]

@ghoostiing​ asked:  ' are we considered monsters? like the monster frankenstein built? '

The sun shines on Elijah, but in such an unflattering way. When it came to anybody else that the sun seemed to catch, it was always a compliment from nature in the genius’s perspective. Hey, look at this human being, but also look at this beautiful person in the most gorgeous moment you could imagine! Yet, when the sun fell on the engineer, he would argue the flaming ball had different intentions for him. It never caught him in the perfect light, it was never a scenario, where--oops! The sun is in my eyes, but look how sexy I am despite that! -- Elijah blinks his eyes shut, offering a bitter frown in response to the source of natural light before he forces his attention elsewhere. 

Gray-blue eyes fall to the floor beneath him as he ponders to himself, though they’re quickly pulled away from where he’s looking once he hears the nearby shuffling of one of the giant house’s residents behind him. Pursed lips as his head tilts back, catching view of the person who has walked in and recognizing them instantly. 

“Ah, good afternoon Spec!” Elijah greets warmly, before using his index finger to push his glasses back up the bridge of his nose to their rightful position. His lips cast just as warm of a smile to the firewall-turned-android, his brilliant mind already beginning to forget what he’d previously been so upset about. “What can I do for you, my friend?” His question is followed up by a gentle gesture to the empty chair that was next to the engineer’s and he welcomes them to fully enter the room and relax with him.

Their curious question is certainly something that Kamski is surprised by, many android models were capable of discussing philosophy and the programmer would be lying if he tried to say he and his Chloes never took the time to discuss many of life’s difficult and un-answerable questions. His amazement is purely due to the fact that Spectr was not a product of Elijah’s -- at least not directly -- and the truth is he just isn’t fully aware of what this android is capable of. Cyberlife has turned into its own entity separate from Elijah Kamski and he is no longer privy to many of the projects the corporation has manufactured during their time apart. 

“I see you’ve discovered a few of my personal effects.” Eli responds, addressing their specification of Frankenstein’s Monster in a playful manner while he begins to gather his thoughts in order to best answer their question. It was no secret that the human was a fan of Mary Shelley’s classic story, though perhaps it was a secret that the engineer often found himself relating to Victor Frankenstein’s role from that tale. 

Very much unlike Frankenstein, it would be difficult to deny that Elijah is attached to and proud of the form of life he has created, but the two men definitely share a similar heaviness on their shoulders, a guilt felt towards the effort of what each man was responsible for creating, or more specifically for Eli, founding.

Idly brushing his thumb against his chin hairs, Elijah considers his words one last time before finally speaking, answering Spec’s question. “That depends on one’s interpretation of the book and one’s understanding of what the definition of monster is, I assert. Victor Frankenstein is an extremely smart man whose obsession results in the birth of the supposed monster. Frankenstein’s monster is essentially shaped and molded by his treatment of those that occupy his life and the environment that surrounds him.” 

“There is a duality between the creature and the Frankenstein family’s nanny and one of Victor’s adopted sisters, Justine, who is also someone that is rejected by those who she was born with. Her mother has little care for her, but the Frankenstein family--and Victor in particular--more than make up for her abandonment by providing her with love that she desperately requires. The creature, of course, receives none of this from neither Victor nor those he attempts to befriend and throughout the book grows resentful and violent; finding himself eventually capable of framing Justine for the murder of Victor’s younger brother, whom the creature himself had killed.”

“Frankenstein’s creature is an interesting example of a monster in design, but perhaps he might be one of the most human characters throughout the execution of his story. He begins his life with an intense desire to be loved and accepted, particularly after being instantly rejected by Frankenstein and soon after being chased away by the family of a blind man he befriended, regardless of the fact that he discreetly assisted them by collecting firewood. Like all things that are alive, the creature desires a partner to love and be loved by and eventually demands of Victor to create him a bride of his own, because of his unshakable belief that he deserves happiness like everyone else. When Victor destroys her out of his many rapid fears of the project, the fury and desire for revenge brings the creature to murder Victor’s wife on the night of their wedding.”

“Frankenstein himself, while he begins the story human, finishes it resembling a monster perhaps more than the creature itself. Growing up in a very functioning, loving family of three sons and two adopted daughters, the brilliant Victor even regards his best friend as more capable than himself. What makes Frankenstein relatable begins with how he deals with the death of his mother which is to bury himself in his work and force himself to continue his studies while he is still grieving. This coping mechanism is extremely weak and later on in the book it proves itself to be detrimental to the man’s mental health as the creature continues to terrorize him and rob him his loved ones’ lives. The further that the creature pushes for respect from man or happiness, the sicker Victor appears to become. The levels that the two are willing to send one another to are endless.  For example the creature’s cunning capability of incriminating other people for the crimes that he himself has committed not once, but twice! As well as the way that Frankenstein becomes so caught up with this creature that he neglects his brand new wife on the night of their wedding because of the pure fear of the creature that has been instilled into the scientist. It’s only when he discovers her lifeless body that he finally finds it within himself to do something about this mess.”

“Up until this point, the man has failed absolutely every person he holds dear due to his fear of his creation, his shame of the creature’s unnatural state and the unhealthy obsession he bears with death and reanimation, his inability to act on their behalves in the wakes of their deaths and how he has been incapable of facing the reality of what he’s made and admit to those that supposedly matter in his life the secret he had been hiding. Now he chooses to put an end to the source of pain that has haunted both him and his creature for so long but only now that is too late, now that neither could possibly prosper in any form.”

“Throughout the text, both the supposed man and supposed monster seem to dance between both roles, both characters have it in them to be wonderful people and both prove themselves capable of committing acts that are so vile, shocking and sickening. They compliment one another quite well in this nightmare, despite the glaring differences that are established between the two; the line between each becomes so blurry by the end of it that it’s truly up to personal interpretation for one to distinguish which one is Frankenstein and which one is Frankenstein’s monster. Both are capable of being quite monstrous, but both of them have very human behaviors and hearts: the fear of facing responsibility and not holding oneself accountable in response, or crafting a comfortable coping mechanism from grief and being incapable of fixing a situation for your loved ones because of it, or having the desire to be desired, to need a friend, only to grow angrier and full of resentment the more you are rejected, or to find yourself so obsessed with the concept of revenge or getting back at someone that when you finally achieve it, you’re incapable of knowing what peace is.”

The engineer draws his eyes to the android, slightly turning his body in his seat to better face them. Fingernails combing through his own hair, which has been lazily pulled back into a sloppy ponytail after having spent the day doing laps in the pool. 

“...To actually answer your question, Spectr, I do not consider you monsters in the same vein as Frankenstein’s monster. I’ve spent a very large portion of my life with many individuals who have proven to me that they could be capable of allowing themselves to turn into such horrific things if they wanted to, but they instead resist and find healthier, smarter, and safer ways to earn respect, maintain their dignity, to teach us while being viewed as an equal and loved like a living person and I very much maintain the belief that people like Markus and Connor and -- even you -- will continue to show us that you guys are the furthest you possibly could be from being defined as the monster from that story.”

“You could borrow the book if you’d like. In my experience, these things are better to be interpreted in one’s own way -- you don’t need to be told how to view those characters or yourself.” 

#long post #[𝚒𝚏 (ask = 𝟷); { 𝚜𝚝𝚎𝚖.𝚘𝚞𝚝.𝚙𝚛𝚒𝚗𝚝𝚕𝚗(“𝙸𝚗𝚚𝚞𝚒𝚛𝚒𝚎𝚜”);] #frankenstein spoilers #ghoostiing #i've been working on this analysis since saturday

[meetmeatmidnightsblog]

Why she disappeared ( part one)

I don't know why I wanted to write a story where Taylor finds out she's pregnant with Joe's baby after they've been together for 4 years.

Let me know what you guys think.

XXX

Taylor stared at the positive pregnancy tests that was in the sink. Of course she wanted to have kids with him, who wouldn't?. She looked up at her reflection in the mirror to see if there were any noticeable changes in her body. She didn't have any morning sickness for the first couple of days. A lot of other fans have told her how brutal it can be. She needs to tell Joe, after all this is his baby.

That made her heart skip, her fingers wiggle, as clear signs of her own nervousness creep up. She tried to imagine his reaction in her head. It spun the tables around to the worst possible situations that might occur. She placed a hand on the necklace he gave her for Christmas, took deep breaths.

'You're pregnant, we're really going to have a baby.' he squeals like a child who just received the best gift of there life. He kisses her soft lips, tastes the sweet flavor of her mouth as they collide.

She focused on the nicer picture, pretends that he's going to be ecstatic about there little bundle of joy that's growing inside her stomach.

The pictures came crashing down when reality sinks into her mind. She knew that this little bundle of joy was never going to be safe from the media, or her fans. This innocent baby would grow up in the spotlight, be bullied by other kids, end up being left with a crippling heart from the number of heart breaks, and pain that boys can cause. The hours you spend crying over them because you we're never the one they choose.

Taylor eyes swelled up with tears as she thinks back to the life she had, everything she lived without. She leans on the sink, mascara runs down her cheeks. The media would lash out over this story for weeks, if someone caught her in public. It would at least give the world some entertainment as her fans freak out over the news for years to come. She slid onto the cool titled floor, tucks her chin down, just waiting for the swinging door to hit her.

Joe came home, after a long photo shoot. He was excited about being home. He took off his coat, and shoes. He was disappointed that his girlfriend wasn't here to greet him with hugs, and kisses. He walked up the stairs and heard loud sobs coming from the bathroom.

When she cried, he cried. She was worried, he was concerned. He knows her well enough. She wasn't acting like her true self. He knocked on the door, but no one answered. He thought that she collapsed, or fell. He jiggled the lock, opened it.

He found her lying on the floor, tucked in a ball. He's never seen her look so small. He picks her up, wraps his arms around her. He sets her down on the bed, patiently waiting for her to speak. He's wittness a few break downs, where she would completely shut down, avoid him as if he had the plague.

They would go for weeks without taking. She could calm down, open up after her body recovered. Taylor lifts her head up, as her messy blonde hair covers those stained cheeks, dark mascara lines, faded red lips.

Joe pushes her bangs out of the way, lifts her chin up. She felt defeated, broken and exposed. All of her insecurities, her trust issues, and body shaming was beating up her self confidence. He grabs a tissue, washes away the mess, finds the beauty, resilience that he loves most about her.

"Taylor, what's gotten into you?."

Her emotions have ruined his home coming. She still doesn't know how to share this news with him. He might not want this baby. He might break up with her, and force her to raise this infant on her own as a single mother.

"I.... I..." she stumbled through her words. This was a new bridge to cross. One that had treacherous waters down below. The tears spilled over her lids, trickles along her adorable dimples.

"Deep breaths, love." he reassured her.

Taylor fidget with the necklace, as her face turns pale like a ghost. It felt like she was going to die, the vomit came up her throat. She struggled to find the words that lingered on the tip of her tongue.

Joe grabbed the small garage can, placed it in front of her as she pukes. He holds up most of her hair, ran his fingers along her thigh. Was she sick with the flu?. He was more than concerned over her health.

The singer pukes up most of her dinner, lunch, and snack into the garbage can. The noises we're even more gross. He didn't need to see or hear her like this. She brought up more bille, as he held onto the tin. He checked her forehead, it was hot. He should call the doctor?.

It was a long time, before she finally stopped puking. He put the garbage can down. She rests her head on his shoulder, trying to hold what was left in her stomach. His hand raced for the garage, she vomits.

"I'm going to call your mother."

Taylor shook her head. She didn't need him to call her mother. She wouldn't mind seeing her, right now. She felt sicker then the time she got food posioning. She was too weak, limp to protest.

Joe called Taylor's mother Andrea, told her everything that's going on. She hung up the phone, drove over to there house, and found her daughter upstairs, glued to the trashcan. She felt her forehead, it was burning up.

"Honey, you need to see a doctor."

"No, mom, I don't!." she snapped at Andrea.

Her stomach wasn't doing enough flips already. Her stress levels were not helping. She grips the garbage can even more as vomit comes out of her mouth.

Andrea quickly connected the dots. Her daughter was not sick with the flu, or some strange stomach bug, she is pregnant.

Horrific morning sickness was something she deal with during both of her pregnancy's. She didn't know if Joe was aware of what's going on. She wasn't going to drop the bomb on him like that.

She went to the kitchen, made Taylor's favorite soup, chicken noodle. She feed the cats, gave them fresh water for the night. She brought up the cup of liquids, a small packet of jello. She needed something in her system.

The smell of warm broth, fruity jello sounded appealing to her taste buds. Joe feed her the soup, one sip at a time. Andrea left the two lovers alone. She changed the bag out, went into the outside the house, threw it away.

XXX

Taylor started to feel more normal. Less nasious than before. The soup settled her stomach. She reached for the jello, as Joe fed her tiny bite size pieces. How did she get this lucky?. She often wondered, but never could find the answer she was seeking.

"Tay, please tell me what's going on?. I've never seen you this ill before." his voice was concerned, filled with worry. She can see it in his ocean blue eyes.

"I'm pregnant. 3-4 weeks to be exact. I didn't know how to tell you. I was afraid you might walk out on me. I got cursed with a bad case of morning sickness, well the rest is history."

Joe proceeded the news. He was excited about having a baby with her. He didn't show it every well because his nerves were shot. He moves next to her, strokes her cheeks.

"You're really pregnant?!. Oh my gosh."

She was not expecting that from him. He managed to catch her off guard. She couldn't believe his words. This was the picture she always wanted.

Was this all in her head?.

#jaylor fanfic #why she disappeared #pregnancy #morning sickness #darkness #light #fluff and angst

[thereluctanthedgewitch]

Mara Goes on a Late Night Rant

Started this last night. Finished it tonight.

Let me preface this by saying that I have been sick as all get out for the last week, I haven't been getting as much sleep as I should, and since the only other reliable employee is sicker than I am I have had to work. So, there will be some over the top ranting, more anger than is reasonable, and tangents that go nowhere. That said, strap in people, because I am pissed and I have a blog, so everyone is gonna hear about it. Okay. The five people that actually read what I have to say are gonna hear about it. So last week I stumbled across a cute little podcast about Greek Mythology that was absolutely lovely. But it was mythology, not religion. So that got me wanting. I want podcasts about religion. Specifically Greek and Norse. I found a wonderful YouTube channel that had some Norse myths and stories, but I wanted more. Besides, I didn't like the stories about Loki. This is where I get angry. Not because I can't find any, but because of what I found. Hate. Hate is what I found. I have become used to the hate and disrespect that Loki gets. I don't like it. I get frustrated. But the blinding anger has dissipated. When even fellow Lokeans show disrespect to their own God, who they are supposed to love and respect above all others, you finally lose your voice and sit in misery. I have begun to avoid most work that talks about Loki because I just don't want to see the hate and blatant disrespect anymore. So, I thought, let's check out the Greek podcasts. I need some love tonight. I did not find it. Let's start with Hades I found quite a few that told the story of how He gained His beloved Persephone. So. Many. Hateful. Words! Basically, what every single cast I found boiled down to was this: Hades was a poor, pitiful, lonely man who hated his position in the Underworld and wanted to drag someone down with him to keep as a possession. He saw poor, clueless Persephone and thought ''oh she is hot I want her." He went to Zeus who said sure you can take her but don't let anyone know, especially Demeter. So he pops out of the ground and scares away her guards and drags her away. Once he finds out that Demeter has found a way to save her daughter, he tricks said daughter into eating something so she has to stay. He is outsmarted because Persephone only ate 3 (or 4, or 6 depending on the translation) pomegranate seed, and so he has to let her go home for 1/3 (or 1/2) of the year. All is right with the world because evil Hades has been outsmarted and the defenseless flower child is free for part of the year. How fucked is that?! Hades isn't evil! Most of them justified this assumption by comparing him to Voldemort, saying no one would say His name even when giving Him offering. No. Just no. There were REASONS for not stating His name. And He has many names that He is called by. Just like everyone's favorite shiny God, Apollo. He has many different names, depending on His role at the time, and even depending on who is worshiping Him. So, that argument is invalid. Next. Another justification was (I quote here) "even when they gave Hades offerings, he was always given offering last, after all the other Gods". Um DUH. Idiots. He rules the realm of the DEAD! When you have nice fresh meat and veggies to give as offering, you give it to the Gods that want that! Do you give lemon to a God that wants sugar? No! Certain Gods want a freshly killed deer as sacrifice. Others want desiccated meat. You give the God what He wants or the offering is pointless. So, you wait. Hades wants super dead stuff because, you know, that's HIS DOMAIN! Morons! Utter morons!! (I quote again) "and when they would give him offerings, they would bury it in the ground and look to the ground and away. They couldn't even bring themselves to look at him for fear" Nooooooo...... out of RESPECT! UNDERworld, people! UNDER. THE. GROUND! Of course they buried offerings! You gonna look to the sky if you believe your God is under your feet?! Of course they looked down. And averting your eyes is common sense. *growls in frustration* Hades is the God of the realm of the dead (don't even get me started on the idiots that were calling Him the God of Death. Do your basic research, dumbasses. He rules the realm of the dead. Thanatos is the God of Death. *sigh*). There are basic rules when one honors Him. Death is the one constant. It is the END OF THINGS. So, He would get offering last. Not in disrespect. In acknowledgement that He is the one we all go to at the end of our lives. He is cold and distant to us, yes. Because He truly has no reason to interact with us while we live. "I will see you at the end of your days. Live your life, we have eternity later." He is cold because death is cold. Emotionally speaking. Cold is not evil. Respect is not fear. Now. My Lady Persephone. Someone please please PLEASE for the love of Olympus and Valhalla, tell me how the FUCK someone can call a GODDESS weak and clueless and easily tricked. HOW?! Persephone is a dual Goddess. She is the wildflowers in the fields. She is the death of winter. She is a Goddess in Her own right and a motherfucking QUEEN of the Underworld. If Hades had kidnapped and raped Her, if He was keeping Her there against Her will, do you honestly think She would be RULING by His side? Do some minimal research and you will find that SHE had more say, more rule, more POWER than Her husband when in the Underworld. How is this possible if She is a defenseless little meek thing like they were insinuating? In all honesty, I would rather face down Hades, Cerberus, and Thanatos before facing The Queen. (please don't make me! I beg you. I was only saying it to make a point, not to invite trouble. I would rather not face any of them tyvm.) She is scary when angered. She is in no way meek. She knew what She was doing when She ate those pomegranate seeds. She WANTED to be there. He didn't kidnap Her and hold Her against Her will. She got on that chariot because she WANTED to. And don't even think you can say, "but He raped Her!" No. No He did not. Rape did not mean the same thing then as it does now. These words are translated from ANCIENT GREEK into Latin and from Latin into English (and possibly a few other languages between them). Languages evolve. They change. Words are updated. Definitions are altered. Look up the history of awesome. Or terrible. Or any other number of words. The word rape, even now, does not mean "to force sexual acts on an unwilling person", or at least that isn't all that it means. Now, it also stands for many forms of violation. But "the rape of Persephone" didn't mean what people today think it means. The title of the story is literally "The Rape of Persephone" but does the content of the story have sex ANYWHERE? Not anywhere I have found. Please, if someone finds a version, a HISTORICALLY ACCURATE VERSION, that tells of Hades forcing Himself on Persephone, show me. On the topic of rape, let's go to Zeus now. If I hear one more podcast that calls Zeus ''rapey Zeus" I am going to scream and throw my phone! Again, I say, RAPE DID NOT MEAN WHAT IT DOES NOW!!! Yes, He was what many people today would call a horndog. But please, stop placing your mortal and societal views onto the Gods. And why place all that judgement on Zeus? The other Gods and Goddesses got around as well. Admittedly, not as much as Zeus, but please. Would you rather tell everyone that you got it on with the King of the Gods, or... I dunno, Hermes? And it doesn't really matter how many Gods, Goddesses, or mortals he slept with. Our morals are a social construct. They are mortal views. Not the morals of our Gods. Beyond that, they are GODS! Who are you to judge Them?! Who are you to scoff and shame a God for what He or She may or may not have done?! I may not be as close to Zeus as I am to Persephone and Loki, but it still pisses me off. And.... since I am here, and in a ranting mood. Can I just ask.... If you call yourself a Lokean. If you say you are devoted to Him. Why. Why do you disrespect Him so? You say you love Him and then in the same breath, call Him a "little bastard" and a "shit" or even a "fucker". Why? You flippantly post online how some people give great pomp and ceremony to one God while giving a grand offering that took hours to prepare and you just toss a donut on the altar and say "here you go I guess. whatever". No. No no no. How is this respect? How is this devotion? Yes, there are days where Loki wants a donut as offering. But shouldn't you give that as much ceremony as if you were pouring the finest wine? Beyond that, why announce your rudeness to the masses? Disrespect Him privately if you think that is the relationship you have. Fine. I am not one to judge your relationship with your Gods. But don't show people this! It isn't funny. It isn't bragging. I have had moments in my relationship with Him where I have said things that could be seen as disrespectful. But do I post them online? NO! The closest I have gotten was posting a glitter bomb situation when He was being especially playful. And I removed the one disrespectful comment I made in the screenshot of the text messages. It doesn't make me angry anymore. It makes me sad. We, as pagans, are faced with hate and disrespect from many outside our religion. We shouldn't encourage the same among our own. Our community, our religion, should spread love and respect, not hate.

#religion #pagan #greek #norse #rant #disrespect #hate

[leigh-kelly]

But I Can Dream, Can’t I?

#Brittana #starlight!verse #1940s Fire Island #Fire Island Brittana

[jdmainman123]

Well it's official due to cigarettes yacht fish here your regime is officially getting me pregnant outside MAKING ME SICKER EVERYDAY FORCING ME TO BLEED MAKES ME THIRSTY and I ran out of money I can't keep up with this feed myself just to take a s*** in the airport

And I found out what's the trigger you're dead 300 lb f****** dry p**** stinky p**** daughter 30 DAYS IN SUNRISE FIRST TIME OUT FIRST TIME WITH A JOB WALKING AROUND WITH HOPES AND F****** DREAMS AND WHEN I LOOK AT IT I CAN'T HELP NOTHING LESS THAN HAVING HER FACE KICKED IN

And more importantly all your regime has fallen into only liking ugly people AND I CAN'T HELP BUT NOTICE THE WAR PLAYING OFFENSES THAT YOU'RE DEAD SON AND DAD DAUGHTER KEEP ON YELLING IT'S OUR CITY THEY'RE NOT ALLOWED IN HERE

They are not allowed in here IT'S MY UNDERSTANDING IT'S THE ONLY REASON WHY I'M HERE BECAUSE OF THIS STATEMENT they're not allowed in here and what you guys have taken on is taking all the money from the boys and girls and almost falling on we can do this because they're all ugly and no pretty people allowed in our city

No pretty people allowed in our city

SO THAT'S IT THEY FOUND A WAY TO GET ME PREGNANT THROUGH CIGARETTES AND OH

I found out how Mike and Todd were killed YEAH I'M LOOKING AT THE ARMY OF MAN THEY WANT TO RECRUIT THESE BOYS ONTO MY BEACH AND KILL THEM BECAUSE THEY'RE FROM SUNLIGHT CITY DESERT CITY THEY'RE NOT FROM SNOW I'm just going down the line of defective characters HOW MUCH WEAK ARE THEY I'D ALMOST SEEMS LIKE IN THE POINT OF FREEDOM WE SHOULD ALL BE WHITE HAIR WHITE SKIN PRETTIEST F*** KILLING WHITE SKIN BOYS but this f****** n***** these n****** have found KILLING WHITE SKIN BOYS WASN'T EVER LEGAL WASN'T EVER ACCEPTED ONLY BY YOUR FAILED REGIME HERE FOR YOUR DEAD 3 FT BLACK HAIR WHITE SKIN DAUGHTER TO WALK AROUND WITH THE FIRST TIME DREAM AND HOPE and I can't help but want her face kicked in THAT'S RIGHT BECAUSE IF I WAS IN CHARGE YOU PEOPLE WOULDN'T HAVE BEEN WELCOMED ON MY BEACH YOU GUYS WOULDN'T BE PART OF OUR FAMILY

And just to see the quality of men white skin boys that have to be born uglier just to suit this f****** failed n***** ugly as hell. How ugly the white skin boys have to be IT'S JUST A QUALITY OF MEN HAVE WENT DOWN THE WEAKNESS HAVE WENT DOWN AND WE CANNOT ACCEPT THAT THIS ISN'T A WAR CRIME AGAINST HUMANITY and because of the man we are able to see very clearly how Todd and Mike were kicked off the beach

So all the black boys are very excited about getting me pregnant due to the drink and cigarettes they found another way to drown me HERE'S THE PROBLEM FOR THIS DEAD WHITE TRASH DAUGHTER SHE DOESN'T HAVE A FISH LAKE SHE DOESN'T HAVE 5 FT but whatever whatever you guys want to do just let her know when the baby comes out my mom is going to kick the face and of her and her mother for kidnapping me

And yeah I realized it #report I'M HERE YELLING AT YOU BOYS FOR ANOTHER MAN OBVIOUSLY SOMEONE CAME THROUGH HERE AND TREATED YOU GUYS A DIFFERENT WAY YOU GUYS WANTED ME TO COME IN HERE and yell at you just the same the problem is with my experience I could really hurt your feelings I could do more damage than some failed f****** dictator some failed homosexual satellite maker coming in here with just a few words or a few nasty statements

So I'm here yelling at you guys because you guys felt offended by another general or another satellite maker coming into your city that wasn't worthy of yelling at you people AND IT'S JUST A SHAME AND EMBARRASSMENT HOW MUCH ARE SATELLITE IS LYING IT ALMOST SEEMS LIKE YOU BROUGHT ME HERE JUST TO LIE IN THIS CALIBER IN THIS MAGNITUDE for no reason it almost seems like you guys know my pain enforcing a word down my throat fortunately wore down my brain and I give you an alternative word and you say no it has to be that specific word

And this has nothing more to do than black hair white skin boys and black skin men on the satellite integration and anti-seated

Kiss my ass

[girlwithlandscape]

“art in america” - Sophie Robinson

at dusk each day i like to think of all my new friends in different parts of the city jerking off      running baths vaping weed    getting sober    running their mouths & reading poetry aloud to one another. alice says i have the right to repeat myself so i do alice says you can cry if you need to so i do she looks away     scrolls pictures of dogs on instagram & we watch the traffic dancing towards the bridge everybody on their way somewhere                        i want to go far— jameson says i know u know it will get better i nod closed mouthed in a gesture i believe to convey quiet bravery (too little too late) it’s so hot & close u can almost lick the weather’s face today                         steam rises off the east river     in a film god kills herself by removing her own intestines                                        i don’t have the guts to watch it   jameson’s poems are so rangey on the bench like a godhead my mother’s arm is broken & strapped to her side on skype my dad calls me baby in a text when he’s drunk i don’t know what this means                                                             god’s suicide scene at the cinema last night we didn’t understand a thing but were so happy just to be there         not on our way anywhere.                          i want to go far far — the film said loving someone was the only thing to do & in it one of the characters described the music he listened to as soupy         it’s a bad translation cori laughs & made a joke in french. un soupçon — the film begins & ends with a woman covered in blood & andrew said maybe we are supposed to understand it all backwards i guess that’s how love works too                     it’s all faith until the end            & then you see it later for what it is or wasn’t or what it coulda been        the whole trick when i see your face or hear your name i want to pass out from love from sadness from shame & from regret. when i arrived in america i wished simply to drown in feeling & forget about work but then i got so wet i had to start swimming. steam rises off the east river. john giorno says it’s not what happens it’s how you handle it— i chew on language here: philly cheesesteak      rockaway park taconic state parkway     restroom     sidewalk                      mama i’m so tired some days i take secret photographs of americana    & feel like a normal  alien alice & i talk on a bench whilst the sun sets & watch the lights in the apartment building opposite turn on one by one. last week i drank bourbon & cried for four nights solid soaking through my sheets my t shirts & the mattress. over & over. fevery dream in which i see a drunk woman (me) doing shots & snorting coke from a key. i tell her let me help you & then i open a wound on her arm & remove from the wound a giant plastic egg. i crack the egg to reveal a small wooden sphere & from it emerges a large white rat. don’t ask me how. i put the rat on a leash & walk it back to my apartment. i go to sleep in my dream petting the rat & wake up feeling good. i give the rat breakfast which she eats happily. i kiss her head. i go back to the bar & find the woman (me) sicker than ever. thin, sweating, with two black eyes & a purple arm. i say hey what happened & she says you shouldn’t have taken what you took the way you took it. you shouldn’t have taken what you took the way you took it. you shouldn’t have taken what you took the way you took it. i leave her on the floor to die. what do i care. i have my rat. alice says i have the right to repeat myself so i do. on the hot drive from hudson cathy gets me to do impressions of different british accents and describe the city i come from. when I get back to my apartment i vomit in the kitchen sink then the bathroom sink then the toilet then again in the shower. pink ribbons of bile & wine. I am the only person at the john giorno installation in hell’s kitchen on a wednesday afternoon & i cry for twenty minutes watching him speak on a twenty foot projector screen. thanks for nothing america i did it all without you i sometimes wish a lesbian could be given this much room. to do  anything. you don’t love me        & the feeling of not being loved comes in waves                 steam rising off the east river i kiss my rat’s head. i am such a bad peach. seeing it all backwards. the world is so big! desire alone makes it small there’s nothing funny about being a lesbian today on my hands & knees like juiced fruit in prayer position at the gallery the cinema the bathroom floor you shouldn’t have taken what you took the way you took it when i got back to the apartment the rat was drunk when i got back to the apartment the rat jerked me off when i got back to the apartment the rat was me jameson gets me to stand on stage at the amphitheatre by the river to take a picture steam rises i lose sight of him for a second & it’s just me & the water & the bridge & the dog gently pissing         [self help / fake rumi poem says                             only when i quit believing in myself did i come to such beauty] there’s a power in loneliness i need to channel there’s a freedom in not being loved i need to channel it’s not what happens it’s how you handle it — i came to america to be a solid gold flower floating down the river & now reduced to repeating my own name out loud, my DOB, where i live the things i did today. splashing my face in the kitchen sink over & over honestly i am sick of helping jesus count days my mother’s limp white arm. the things she gave & took.                                               mama i’m so sad america begins & ends in blood                           i want to go far far far — sometimes i get off on meanness                              the holding back the love that’s bucking against the gate penny arcade says when she came to new york she saw a sign at a head shop saying      you are a daughter of the universe            this city is mine just as much as it’s anyones! today is my 32nd birthday. i wish i had never been born. andy warhol was a fraud. fame is a kind of violence. ambition makes me sick. i want to close every door. i don’t care about kathy acker. i don’t care about anything anymore. there’s no art in america, it’s all sugar & war. i shouldn’t have taken what i took the way i took it        but listen: wherever in the world                                        if i never see you again       always on your way somewhere    i will love you                  gently       the whole length of my life             i want nothing for you but endless poetry   easy ppl       slow morning strong coffee       dynamic emoji     time to read dancing dog uncracked screen     mountain     bunny         a million years                           deep sense of peace       & somebody who loves you for free     when she sees your animal grace your swagger     the way you open fruit </3   o! i am glad to have known you my devastating weakness my white rat       my river of gold       & my old         wild               american                           heart   xxx

#poetry #poem #sophie robinson #beauty #love #getting over it #unrequited love #art in america #sacred texts #quote

[docsamurai]

Sleeping With the Enemy: Breaking Dawn

It has been some time since my last update. Even after everything that had happened before I still find it hard to believe the twisted lengths Carlisle and his minions would go to see their madness through. Let's start where we left off: the wedding. The Cullens were as unimaginative as ever and Edward and I were married in a fairy tale ceremony in the woods near their home. I dreamed that night of raining blood, it was enough to get me through the ceremony. As much as I hated having to go through this it was at least nice to see my friends and family one last time before I was turned. Jacob even showed up during the reception and I was glad he had shown enough restraint to not try anything foolish to disrupt my plans though he still tried to warn me that Edward would kill me on our honeymoon. I still don't know how he can be so dense to not understand that if they wanted me dead that I would have died a long time ago.

For the honeymoon we flew down to a private island that Carlisle had bought and named for his wife Esme. I feel I should mention that Esme is around the same age as the rest of the Cullens. It was only Carlisle who was centuries older than the rest. How many times had he tossed families aside to create a new batch of Cullens?

We went through the charade of the happy newlyweds as Edward attempted to be romantic with a moonlit beach and candles. At this point I actually think I might prefer for him to think I'm a lovestruck idiot because the alternative is that he actually does love me and that might disgust me more than anything. He forced himself on me that night. I acted willing enough but there was no way to overcome my disgust with him and his icy touch did more to repulse me than anything else. Edward had told me once that he had never "made love" to a woman. I had thought he was either lying outright or simply meant that he had never felt love for the women he fucked. After that night I was convinced that was his first time.

The next day he acted horrified at a bruise left on my arm he had left while "in the throes of passion". Thankfully I wasn't facing him as he said that because even after everything else I couldn't stop myself from rolling my eyes. I was so grateful that he wouldn't force himself on me again that I didn't question it at first. It took a week for me to finally realize something was wrong when I felt sick. I didn't want to believe it, they had told me vampires couldn't breed. I chalked it up to having to spend so much time with Edward. He took me again that night, probably to make sure. Another week passed and the signs were unmistakable. I called Carlisle directly and could almost hear his fanged smile over the phone.

This had been their trap all along! They never intended to turn me, only to create a Vampire-human hybrid. An immortal hunter with no fear or weakness who owed its very existence to Carlisle and his twisted family. Carlisle knew as soon as I had asked to be changed that I wouldn't go along with their plans. He knew when I allied with the wolves that I was to be reckoned with. He knew when I agreed to be married that I would go to any lengths to get what I needed. He knew just what to tell me to get exactly what he wanted. And I had let myself be led into his trap.

It was no longer about vengeance, it was no longer about justice, the only thing I could do was stop this abomination from coming into the world. I could not let this happen and if I had to die to do it then that would be exactly what I did. Before I could find something to end it Edward had already packed the bags and was ushering me out the door. Naturally they had worked for years to create this thing, they weren't going to let me destroy it and their plans that easily. I knew before we were even on the plane that it would be pointless to openly search the house for knives or pills as I would be under constant watch. As much as it horrified me, I saw no other option but to play along and hope they dropped their guard.

It almost worked too. Over the next week the creature inside me drained me, feasting on my blood and making me sicker with each passing hour. It was growing unnaturally fast for a human and would be ready to be released in a matter of weeks. Jacob came to check on me and see if the Cullens had broken the pact with the Tribe by turning me. He saw my weakened state and begged me not to keep it. I had never been so furious at Jacob for being so goddamn dense. I begged him silently staring deep into his eyes. If I could have spoken I would have implored him to change and kill me. I knew it would mean his death too but the creature in my womb would be the death of everything if it wasn't stopped. Unfortunately Jacob couldn't pick up on my pleas and left saying that he would return with the pack to kill them and the child if it killed me.

The next day I was so delirious from the blood loss that I actually drank the blood the Vampires gave me to sustain the child long enough for me to birth it. Even with the blood though it was destroying me from the inside out, growing rapidly, feasting on me when it couldn't get enough blood elsewhere and breaking my ribs as it grew not only in size but strength. Four weeks to the day that it was conceived, I went into labor as the hybrid broke my spine. There was no surgical precision as the Vampires tore my stomach open using their fangs to deliver it via caesarean. I died too weak to curse the Cullens as my blood poured from my mouth and stomach.

I awoke three days later, astonished that they had actually gone through the process of changing me. Maybe it was accidental and when Edward had used his fangs he may have infected me with his curse. Maybe they realized they were so far removed from their humanity that they were incapable of raising a child. Maybe Edward really was a big enough fool to love me. Either way I was renewed. Finally I felt the power I had sought for years. Finally I would be able to destroy my tormentors and I would even be able to remove the hybrid stain. I also felt the thirst.

For the first time I fully comprehended the monstrous thirst for blood. With my enhanced senses I could smell the blood of the animals of the forest surrounding the house. Edward and I went out to hunt and that's when I smelled human blood for the first time, it was intoxicating. A rock climber was working his way up a nearby cliff face. Undoubtedly this was Carlisle's doing, hoping that I would feed on a human and through that act of savagery I would fall into his clutches. He had cut himself on an outcrop and had fresh blood dripping down his arm as the wind whipped past him and carried the scent to me. Even from a mile off the smell of him was delicious. To this day I carry the shame that I felt that day when I knew how badly I wanted to drink that man's blood. Part of me tried to rationalize it: "If you drink his blood it will strengthen you enough to take them on, you can't fight all of them unless you're at full strength. If you don't kill him one of the Cullens will anyway. It would be a waste to let them have the blood when it could benefit you. Do it." Edward saw the hiker too. My nerves were on fire, I needed that blood more than anything.

Suddenly an opportunity appeared and I lunged. I had resisted killing that human and instead had killed a mountain lion that I had noticed just in time. Edward was amazed that I had resisted the call of human blood. On my first day as vampire I was already proving myself more in control than the blood crazed Cullens who could barely keep from attacking me on my birthday. For a moment I let the satisfaction of seeing the astonishment on his face wash over. My adrenaline was high, I finally had the power I needed and I had just sated my appetite without giving away my humanity. Nothing would ever get in my way again. I was in such a good mood I decided I could wait to kill Edward, besides, I wanted to make sure he watched his brethren die.

We went back to the house so I could meet the Child for the first time. She had been named for our mothers… Shit, I just realized I already told you that their names were Renee and Esme… Those aren't their real names but I can't think of a way to combine Renee and Esme that doesn't sound ridiculous. I know it will sound odd but I'm just going to call her Renesmee for simplicity's sake. I wouldn't even name a half vampire abomination something that stupid.

Anyway, back at the house I met… Renesmee… for the first time. I don't know how much of it was the hormones from the pregnancy, assuming that those even applied under the circumstances, but I didn't hate her. I couldn't hate her. I wanted to hate her, but she was just an innocent, like so many others. She had killed me, but it was because of her that I finally have the power I sought and I felt that as long as I could protect her from Carlisle's plans that there might be enough human in her that she wouldn't have to be a monster. I could be that monster for her. I could protect her from the Cullens.

I was genuinely surprised to find Jacob there, caring for my daughter. I hadn't thought about it yet but I suddenly realized that he should have been dead or have killed the Cullens. Jacob told me that he had imprinted on Renesmee, he had explained this process once, something wolves went through when they found someone they would bond to for life. At first I couldn't believe what I was hearing, that this full grown man had bonded with an infant, but as soon as I started to lose my temper with him I realized that he had finally had a decent idea. Jacob had seen me dead and the sight had broken him. Finally realizing the error of his ways he knew that he had to defy the Cullens but couldn't fight them by himself and instead found a way to keep himself close to the baby, ready to strike when the opportunity presented itself. Inwardly I smiled and found a new respect for an old friend who finally understood the world I had lived in for years. Outwardly of course I had to keep up his "imprint" ploy and acted disgusted with him but allowed him to stay.

With my friend and ally close at hand we were still watched closely by the Cullens and Jacob and I had to keep up our respective acts though it was easier with him around. I also found myself growing attached to the Cullen women. Esme, Rosalie and Alice all took turns helping me with the baby and I started to notice the way they all had their own handlers the way I had Edward. Finally their stories had made sense. Each of them had been coerced in their own way into becoming vampires. Rosalie had been "saved" by Carlisle. Alice had been sent to a mental hospital due to her psychic visions and had been turned while there, finding out later that she had been declared dead when she was sent the intuition in the first place. Even Esme had attempted suicide only to be drawn back from the brink of death by Carlisle turning her when she came to the morgue he was working in. Each of them had been robbed of their futures, had their lives, deaths and continued existence orchestrated by the mastermind of the Cullen clan. We were all under constant surveillance but we found ways to communicate right underneath our captor's nose. A time would come soon when I would need all the allies I could get and I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that the other women would be there to help me kill Carlisle when the time came.

Days pass into weeks and weeks pass into months before our plan is ready. Alice fakes having a vision of the Volturi coming to kill Renesmee for being a violation of vampire law and tells Carlisle. Carlisle had come to trust Alice's visions and decided to summon his forces while ordering her to go with her keeper Jasper on a private mission. Vampires began appearing from all over the world, preparing for open conflict against the Volturi, who in kind gathered their own forces fearing that Carlisle was trying to wipe them out. As more and more of the new vampires flood in I realize the ugly truth: the Cullen clan is far from unique. Vampires from all over the world show up to fight and if a woman does come to fight it's almost always with a male keeper.

The war finally began on New Year's Eve as the Cullens and their forces meet the Volturi for open battle in the mountains. Edward and I attempt to broker peace for the sake of my daughter though I was buying as much time as I could for Alice to return. Just as the tensions reached their breaking point she returned from her mission. Carlisle had sent her to retrieve his secret weapon: another hybrid that had been accidentally created nearly 150 years prior. Carlisle had hidden its existence from the Volturi for over a century and had been trying to recreate the process ever since. Alice promised the Volturi to show them a vision of the battle, of Renesmee's future and why this fight was pointless. When she made contact with the Volturi leader Aro instead she showed him our true plan: we had staged the fight to gauge Carlisle's forces and would soon kill him leaving the Volturi free. As long as the Volturi spared us the fight we would remove Carlisle's control and leave them alone. Naturally Alice had left out that it was only a matter of time before we came for them as well. Aro gazed in wonder at the visions Alice had showed him before becoming delighted that he would finally be free of Carlisle's control. As he commanded his forces to back down one of his own objected and was subsequently destroyed without a second thought.

The battle was done, Carlisle's forces were exposed and he would have no one coming to his aid when we came for him. It had been a long time coming but things were finally in place. Carlisle would die tonight.

#twilight #fanfic

[jezsiema]

Warmth

JAJA’S NOTES (UPDATED): I thought I tagged you guys when I posted this, this morning. So sorry. 

JAJA’S NOTES: I wrote this a long time ago but I feel that JACOB FRYE APPRECIATION DAY is a good day to post this. It is already 6th of March here in Malaysia. So, I shall post.  

Also, I did a little touch up to one of my favourite pictures of Jacob (ones I have in my little collection).

A small dedication to the sisters of the Sisterhood; @emouel @swiggle-muffin @afterglowingassassin @jiruchan @freedomaboveallelse @poojadey12 @a-little-0wl @victorianassassinqueen @vaniri @vanilleeistee @cybersweetsdonut @mieliikki @coolpurple82 @babelast @lady-mz-hyde @vrgxo @tokufan1 @thepandadrawer @lil-templar @bunnyyumyum @xxxjenniferxxx18 @deathhoundx @yourchepazworld @masterassassinmercer and every one else I forgot to tag, know that I love you guys, too.

Also, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO THE WONDERFUL PAUL AMOS!

I could not breathe.

My body slowly weakens; the explosion must have done something to me. No matter how I struggled, I could not move at all. The cold water of the Thames piercing my skin was overwhelming. The last thing I heard besides the explosion was a voice yelling my name. A voice that often kept me warm, the voice of the man I love.

His voice calling for my name became distant as I sank into the darkness; deeper into the cold. I try to call for him but I couldn’t find my voice. Soon, his voice disappeared. My body felt numb. Is this what it feels like to die?

                                               It felt lonely in the pitch dark and it was… Cold.

“Shannon?” Jacob called. I opened my eyes and saw him towering over me. I sat up with my hand on my head. I saw children running around the Italian fountains at Hyde Park. “I leave you here for a bit and you fall asleep! Here,” Jacob said handing me a cone of ice cream.

It was hot that day and Jacob was a life saver. The ice cream on my tongue felt like a blessing. The shady tree which sheltered us from the sunray rustled gently from the warm breeze. “Thank you, Jacob.” He sat next to me and took my free hand.

“There is something I have been meaning to ask you,” Jacob said. His voice was warm and inviting. I turned to him only to find him staring at me with his hazel orbs. He laughed when he saw my ice cream moustache. “You are adorable, Shannon,” Jacob told me, taking out his handkerchief to wipe my mouth.

Jacob had always been nice to me but that day, he seems extra affectionate, which was pretty unusual, “So, Frye, what was this thing you wanted to tell me?” I asked him, taking a bite off my ice cream.

“I don’t know how to ask you but would you be my girlfriend?”

I nearly choked on my ice cream and stopped eating. He pats my back until I stopped coughing. Jacob and I had been friends since we were young but we got close when we were training together. I have seen him going in and out of relationships, standing by him when he needed my shoulder most.

I blinked at him and that made him laugh. “What?” I asked, unaware that I had ice cream all over my face.

Jacob wiped my face again, “I shouldn’t have asked when you were biting into your ice cream, Love.” I smiled as I offered him some ice cream. He was about to open his mouth when I pushed it into his face. “SHANNON!” Jacob yelled.

I picked up his handkerchief and wiped his face, “Yes, Jacob. I will be your girlfriend.”

Little did he know, I had feelings for him, too. Only with him, I felt warm.

                                                                                                               Warmth.

Jacob turned out to be a good boyfriend. The kind that put other men to shame. The kind girls could dream of having. But no, he belonged to me. His hands were never far from mine, his arms never far from my body. His lips often heated and passionate against mine. Those very kisses and embrace kept me safe and most importantly, it kept me warm.

As time went by, we started talking about our future; about marriage and having children. Jacob approached my parents to ask for their blessings. Without any further negotiation, my parents accepted Jacob and did not doubt him.

Our wedding day was beautiful and Jacob was the happiest man I have ever seen that day. He kept reminding me that I was beautiful and he had a way to make me blush whenever I was by his side. I wore a beautiful white lace ballroom dress and he looked handsome dressed up in a suit with his hair swept to the back. I knew one thing for sure, he was going to be the man to protect me from harm, despite our jobs as Assassins and I trusted him with my life.

Behind my veil, I blushed while waiting to exchange our vows. His hands holding onto mine gave me strength, his smile gave me happiness. His voice like a song that will never die on me. To me, Jacob was the perfect!

We exchange our vows and rings when he uttered, “I love you.”

“I love you, too,” I whispered as his face leant forward to mine.

The shared kiss that sealed our vows was filled with passion and a love that was warm.

                                                                                                               Warmth.

A few months into our marriage, I fell sick. He was by my side the whole time. He was, after all, the one who brought me to the hospital, thinking I caught a sickness that could be dangerous for me.

During the consultation with the doctor, he held my hand tightly when the doctor took blood from me to check if my sickness was dangerous.

“We will call you once we get the results from this blood test,” the doctor told us and we went home.

Before the week was over, my body started to sore and I felt sicker than I did. I was vomiting everything I ate the night before, I felt extra nauseous and worse, I was getting cramps which, I hated with a passion. Jacob brought me back to the hospital again.

“The results came in and I am delighted to inform you, Mr and Mrs Frye that you are going to be parents.”

Those words, going to be parents… At first, I did not know how to react. I looked up at Jacob who looked perplexed as well. The doctor let out a friendly laugh and told me that I was pregnant. Then, it registered into our brains.

“You are pregnant, Love,” Jacob whispered as he cupped my cheeks and rested his forehead against mine, our noses touching. Tears of joy streamed down his face, I wrapped my arms around him and he held me close, with no intentions of letting me go.

Since that day, Jacob made sure I was comfortable with everything around me. It was his child I was carrying and knowing that news made me love him even more. “Jacob…” I said as we lied down on the bed one day. “Have you thought of what to name this little one?”

“I have a name for both boy and girl but let’s keep that a secret until the day the little one arrive,” Jacob said warmly.

                                                                                                      More warmth.

“Jacob… I can feel a contraction.” I grunted, clutching my swell stomach. Jacob jumped from his seat and grabbed his car keys. He noticed how difficult it was for me to move around when he swept me into his arms bringing me to the car.

At the hospital, Jacob remained by my side. He wiped the sweat and tears from my face while resting his forehead against mine assuring me that everything will be fine. I held his hand tightly begging him not to leave my side. “I am here,” he assured me lovingly. “I am not leaving you alone and cold, Love.”

After struggling to live and to give life, a baby’s cries was heard.

“Congratulations, it’s a girl!” the midwife said as she placed the blood-stained baby on my naked chest. Immediately the baby calmed down and suckled from my breast.

“Jacob… Our little girl.” I panted, smiling at him. Jacob kissed my lips tenderly and pressed his forehead against mine. His hands caressing his daughter’s head.

“Evangeline Cecily Frye,” Jacob said suddenly. I looked at him. He smiled and said, “Our daughter’s name. Evangeline Cecily Frye.”

I looked down at our little angel and saw a small smile carved on her face. “Eva,” I whispered as the little bundle of joy laid happily on my chest keeping my beating heart warm.

                                                                                                              Warmth.

“Mummy! I love you.” Eva said. “Daddy loves you!”

“I love you, too, baby,” I said kissing my 5-year-old daughter. “And I love Daddy, too.”

She wrapped her little arms around my neck and pressed her warm cheeks against mine.

Our little girl was growing; strong and healthy. She had her father’s complexion but she had my temper. Despite her flaws, she was perfect and we were proud of having a daughter just like Eva.

Her presence brought our household so much joy. Our days filled with laughter. Jacob and I were proud of our little girl and it warmed our hearts.

                                                                                                              Warmth.

The flashes of my life ended when I saw myself hugging Eva as Jacob and I left the house that morning. It got darker and colder. I was already losing myself when my body felt numb. This was the end for me.

But I heard someone calling my name, though it was slightly muffled. A familiar voice it was; inviting and warm. My conscience fought back. The distance voice came from that light. I had to go towards it, I was determined to follow that voice. “Shannon, my Love.” There is was again, this time, it was louder and nearer. That voice; familiar and warm ringing with concern. “Shannon…”

My chest felt some pressure and then it was filled with air again. Slowly, the heavy feeling in my chest got lighter. My body got less tensed. The lighter my body felt, the brighter the light at the end of the dark place I was in. Finally, I reached the end of the tunnel and was blinded by the lights and there were other voices surrounding me. The loudest voice was the most familiar.

Gasping for air, I coughed out water.

“Shannon!” Evie cried in relief. I looked at her and next to her was Jacob, drenched. Jacob held me in his arms tightly. I could hear him sobbing.

“I thought I lost you,” Jacob whispered. I wrapped my arms around him. Somebody threw a blanket over our shoulders. I turned and saw Kieran, my brother, along with a few paramedics. I buried my face into the crook of Jacob’s neck and squeezed my eyes shut.

I didn’t want to let Jacob go. I wanted to remain within his embrace. “I love you, Jacob,” I whispered, looking up at him. He caressed my face and brushed my lips with his thumb. He was lost for words but on his face, I saw a smile of relief, a smile accompanied by tears.

My body felt a warm tingle. His breath was warm, his smile was loving. His embrace melted the ice that surrounded my heart which was struggling to beat like normal. I was thankful for being alive. Jacob pulled me away from his body to cup my face. “What would I do without you, Love? What would Eva be without her mother?” Jacob asked. I wrapped my arms around him. Slowly, the cold disappeared when Jacob’s warm tears fell onto my skin.

“Your warmth kept me alive.”

Warmth. That was all I ever need and I found it in the arms of the man I married.

#Jacob Frye Appreciation Day 20k7 #Jacob Frye x OC #jajersz writes #Shannon Kenway #this is the 100th time I tried to post this

[chaletpinn]

Womb-Work

MOOD.

I spent years trying to break down the trauma behind your actions. YOUR trauma. Knowing that something had to happen for you to put this burden off on me. Someone had to break you in such a way that would leave me violated, and you sicker than you were before. I still remember those times. Although I guess you felt I would forget. But they stuck like guerilla glue, and at this point, Lord knows I only want to forget. When I was younger, I thought I was confused, because I seemed to remember/see some things that just couldn’t be true. Especially after growing up around you and believing that it was all so normal. I remember sharing it with my childhood best friend, but getting a reaction, then suddenly retracting because “I was only playing.” I was 7 years old. I would never make that kind of story up. Well, those thoughts came back constantly. I never knew that losing my virginity would prompt many flashbacks. Having sex, at times, would bring about thoughts I thought I had left behind because I had been “fine” for so long. But my sexuality screamed “no more suppression!” I could have a man on top of me doing exactly what I wanted him to do, but see you doing what I would hope no one would do to your daughters.

I was an innocent child. Around 3-5 years old. It happened multiple times during that time span. And no, I was not raped. There wasn’t any penetration. But the pain and confusion you left behind, it was sickening. And I’ve been sitting with the burden for years. What’s even more traumatizing is going through life, pretending like everything was fine. Like nothing ever happened. And you treating me like a regular little cousin. I guess you thought I forgot. Or maybe that no one would listen or believe me if I did tell. You know, the type of shit society has been doing to little girls for centuries. Well I want you to know I still see you. I still see you taking me to the bathroom in the middle of the night. I still see you on top of me in bed. Me. A baby. Its hard to see old photos of me smiling because I may not have understood, but I was sure to learn that I was far from happy. I lived with shame for life. Guilt because my mother deserved to know but I just let you smile in her face.

I lived my entire life in shame. And feeling betrayed because my other cousin, a teenager, walked in on you and me once before. You, the sick adult. Me, the innocent child. And turned his back as if he didn’t realize what was going on. I still have my moments, although I would like to think I’ve freed myself of the negative feelings that came from these experiences. But here I am, writing this, cringing, stopping with tears in my eyes and anger in my heart. I can’t even say I’ll hurt when you die.

Being in a relationship brings so many responsibilities. Sex being one of them. Although people feel that way, I still thought you would/should listen when I’m telling you no or begging you to stop. Another feeling: guilt. Guilt from not loving myself enough to even allow this type of treatment or to even cohabitate with someone like this. Guilt from allowing you to finish with tears in my eyes and disgust all over my body, and you saying, “I know what this is about,” and getting up. My nights often ending with me running to the bathroom, scrubbing my body and crying in the shower. I became used to my body being used; my body stimulated while my mind wondered to remove myself from the situation. My body was always there, but I wasn’t. You taught me that. So as I became older and sexually active, I craved a new high: orgasms. And yeah, you can say my promiscuity came from daddy issues, but no. My mother did well/fine. It was always me subconsciously looking for pleasure. Pleasure that I was introduced to as a child.

I had sex with guys that I could never love. Boys that didn’t mean much to me, but to be felt, meant everything. At the time. One relationship stands out though. I let people have their way with me, from time to time, depending on how low I felt at the moment; so I wasn’t new to this. He would climb on top of me and have his way. Never stopping when I would beg him to. Guess he couldn’t tell the difference between “no, don’t stop” and “no, please stop!” Or maybe he didn’t care. All I know is that most of those nights ended with me locking myself in the bathroom and crying in the shower. And although you knew I didn’t and wasn’t enjoying it. It never stopped you. You weren’t raised to respect women, so why would I think it changed with me? I couldn’t notice the monster in you until another person got a chance to hear about our time together. I begged myself for forgiveness for years. I looked for help to relieve myself of shame and embarrassment, and even hate. This womb-work has taken time. But I can no longer keep the pain for myself.

#journaling #blogger #sexualassaultawareness #metoo

[weightlosstipsfast]

Struggling With Depression and Eating Issues, Houston Mom Finds A Set Of Yoga Burn Poses to Lose Over 70 Pounds After Husband Cheats

Read Full Article on Struggling With Depression and Eating Issues, Houston Mom Finds A Set Of Yoga Burn Poses to Lose Over 70 Pounds After Husband Cheats

A mother from Huston, Texas, wanted to make a drastic change in her life after her husband cheated on her, so she lost nearly half of her weight: 70 pounds.

Betsy Ayala said there was one particular statement that helped her lose the weight over the past three years.

“You are circumstances right now do not define your future,” the woman, Betsy Ayala, told Topress.in in Houston during a recent interview.

Ayala fought with her weight throughout her 20s, maxing out at 214 pounds while she is pregnant. After giving birth, she encountered postpartum depression, and things took the different downward turn during the holiday season.

When it comes to losing weight, people follow all sorts of diet plan with a hope that it will help them lose weight. While some diets work, some don’t. Some weight loss plan encourages people to leave a pool of sweat in the gym.

Ayala also tried the most people do when facing their expanding waistlines and declining health is to try every popular diet or fitness plan that comes along weird “cleanses” pre-packaged foods buying tons of diet books and workout DVDs. However, for most people, none of that works.

The truth is the most diets is not getting enough nutrition, even though the guide listing a lot of “healthy food”! Diets and Gimmicks do not work because they are only effective as long as “people on” them.

Most of these methods or gimmicky schemes are bad for your health, moreover, even if people lose weight you immediately balloon back up higher than before. Moreover, finally, people probably end up with more aches and pains, as well as more embarrassment and shame than they used had, to begin with!

What would happen if Ayala just does nothing? If Ayala just keep doing what you have been doing? She will keep getting heavier, sicker and what she lose isn’t just her health, her dignity, her life, and in many real-life stories her husband.

“2 days after Christmas, I saw my husband at the time was being unfaithful, and it turned my world upside down,” Ayala told us.

To make matters worse, Ayala found Facebook messages between her husband and his mistress where the pair called her “cow” and “fat,” she said.

“I was confused. I found out through these messages I read on my ex-husband’s Facebook where they were calling me “a cow” and “a fat f***” and just marvelous me, and my whole world fell apart,” she told us.

Ayala once planned the perform the popular surgical procedure in Hollywood; many women are now spending up to $12,000 for a surgical procedure called “Bariatric Surgery.” The Goal of Bariatric Surgery is mainly to the formation of nutritional malnutrition in patients with physiological conditions. Clearly, this approach is not for everyone. However, it does point to a problem- if only getting slim, and good shape were an easy task. It is unfortunate, but most of the diets, weight loss plan and weight loss pill on the market are not only hard to follow they just purely not healthy.

While the couple tried to make it work, ultimately they got a divorce. By that point, Ayala already started to follow the yoga guide: Yoga Burn. Eventually, what began as a goal to get back to her pre-pregnancy weight turned into a 73-pound weight loss.

“I did not do it to get back at him,” Ayala said. “Initially of course, when you are angry, you are like ‘Oh my God, just see what I am gonna do,’ yet I think I did it for my daughter and myself.”

However, Ayala said she did not have a strong determination like most of us. She accidently finds a short yoga clip filmed by Zoe Bray-Cotton on Youtube.

“Yoga poses was not easy for me during that time because of my size even the easiest high lunge, crescent variation,” Ayala said. “I do want to lose weight, but I never thought yoga could work. The reason I search for yoga on YouTube is to make peace. I watched for countless basic standing yoga pose videos only I can only understand what Zoe’s instruction so I join Zoe’s Yoga Burn program.”

Ayala hopes her journey teaches her now 3-year-old girl about persistence and a proof of others who are facing the similar problems, changing is the only way to fix things.

“Going through the struggles, you come back stronger than ever, as this stuff that happened to you, and happen to you for a reason — for you to grow and learn. I want my girl to know more than anything that solution is in you.”

Click To Learn More About Yoga Burn

Read More Article on Topress.in

from Topress.in http://ift.tt/2loMkBG

from http://ift.tt/2kMXRHQ via http://topress.in from Blogger http://ift.tt/2k8MnRW February 10, 2017 at 05:22AM

#Topress.in #Uncategorized

[bestway2loseweight33]

Struggling With Depression and Eating Issues, Houston Mom Finds A Set Of Yoga Burn Poses to Lose Over 70 Pounds After Husband Cheats

Read Full Article on Struggling With Depression and Eating Issues, Houston Mom Finds A Set Of Yoga Burn Poses to Lose Over 70 Pounds After Husband Cheats

A mother from Huston, Texas, wanted to make a drastic change in her life after her husband cheated on her, so she lost nearly half of her weight: 70 pounds.

Betsy Ayala said there was one particular statement that helped her lose the weight over the past three years.

“You are circumstances right now do not define your future," the woman, Betsy Ayala, told Topress.in in Houston during a recent interview.

Ayala fought with her weight throughout her 20s, maxing out at 214 pounds while she is pregnant. After giving birth, she encountered postpartum depression, and things took the different downward turn during the holiday season.

When it comes to losing weight, people follow all sorts of diet plan with a hope that it will help them lose weight. While some diets work, some don’t. Some weight loss plan encourages people to leave a pool of sweat in the gym.

Ayala also tried the most people do when facing their expanding waistlines and declining health is to try every popular diet or fitness plan that comes along weird “cleanses” pre-packaged foods buying tons of diet books and workout DVDs. However, for most people, none of that works.

The truth is the most diets is not getting enough nutrition, even though the guide listing a lot of “healthy food”! Diets and Gimmicks do not work because they are only effective as long as “people on" them.

Most of these methods or gimmicky schemes are bad for your health, moreover, even if people lose weight you immediately balloon back up higher than before. Moreover, finally, people probably end up with more aches and pains, as well as more embarrassment and shame than they used had, to begin with!

What would happen if Ayala just does nothing? If Ayala just keep doing what you have been doing? She will keep getting heavier, sicker and what she lose isn’t just her health, her dignity, her life, and in many real-life stories her husband.

“2 days after Christmas, I saw my husband at the time was being unfaithful, and it turned my world upside down," Ayala told us.

To make matters worse, Ayala found Facebook messages between her husband and his mistress where the pair called her “cow" and “fat," she said.

“I was confused. I found out through these messages I read on my ex-husband’s Facebook where they were calling me “a cow" and “a fat f***" and just marvelous me, and my whole world fell apart," she told us.

Ayala once planned the perform the popular surgical procedure in Hollywood; many women are now spending up to $12,000 for a surgical procedure called “Bariatric Surgery." The Goal of Bariatric Surgery is mainly to the formation of nutritional malnutrition in patients with physiological conditions. Clearly, this approach is not for everyone. However, it does point to a problem- if only getting slim, and good shape were an easy task. It is unfortunate, but most of the diets, weight loss plan and weight loss pill on the market are not only hard to follow they just purely not healthy.

While the couple tried to make it work, ultimately they got a divorce. By that point, Ayala already started to follow the yoga guide: Yoga Burn. Eventually, what began as a goal to get back to her pre-pregnancy weight turned into a 73-pound weight loss.

“I did not do it to get back at him," Ayala said. “Initially of course, when you are angry, you are like ‘Oh my God, just see what I am gonna do,’ yet I think I did it for my daughter and myself."

However, Ayala said she did not have a strong determination like most of us. She accidently finds a short yoga clip filmed by Zoe Bray-Cotton on Youtube.

“Yoga poses was not easy for me during that time because of my size even the easiest high lunge, crescent variation," Ayala said. “I do want to lose weight, but I never thought yoga could work. The reason I search for yoga on YouTube is to make peace. I watched for countless basic standing yoga pose videos only I can only understand what Zoe’s instruction so I join Zoe’s Yoga Burn program."

Ayala hopes her journey teaches her now 3-year-old girl about persistence and a proof of others who are facing the similar problems, changing is the only way to fix things.

“Going through the struggles, you come back stronger than ever, as this stuff that happened to you, and happen to you for a reason — for you to grow and learn. I want my girl to know more than anything that solution is in you."

Click To Learn More About Yoga Burn

Read More Article on Topress.in

from Topress.in http://ift.tt/2loMkBG via How to Lose Weight Over 50

#IFTTT #Topress.in