#no I'm not looking for a long term traditional relationship but I also just wanna hang out and be friends also we could make out

[neverendingford]

.

#how tf am I supposed to hold a conversation when someone asks me if the dinner plan we just made counts as a date #I want to go on a ramble about relationships and labels and the decoupling of romance from affection and intimacy #how do I avoid going on a ramble about platonic intimacy as a viable relationship model as opposed to the traditional romance-centric one #how do I explain 'yeah I'd fuck you but if I stop talking to you in two months you can't get sad about it' #I really don't wanna give off crazy girlfriend vibes but umm hey honey I am disordered in three different ways #like #no I'm not looking for a long term traditional relationship but I also just wanna hang out and be friends also we could make out #tag talk

[castleaudios]

YOUR SHIFTER LORE HAS LEFT ME WITH QUESTIONS (Also thank you so much for the (fan) food, it was delicious. My nerd brain is *thriving*) 1. In regards to seeking the pack approval before using the term "mate" does that only apply to shifters seeking that, or do their human (or otherwise) partners ever do the same for their shifter partners (ie: asking their partner's shifter pack for approval to call them their mate)? 2. Did Evie do this for Knight? They were lovebirds for so long I would lean towards no, but Evie also clearly respects Claire, so I could also see her at least bringing it up with her as their sister. 2a. Would Seer do this for Beth? Or is that up to personal headcanons? (I personally love the idea of them trying so hard to do right by her that they ask the Pack for approval, since they've heard her slip in calling them "Mate" (as well as the vision) and wanna be prepared now that things are more secure with their relationship). ...Oooh, or would Beth have a problem with that, since she doesn't like things chosen for her (ie: would seem likely to rebel the tradition)? 2b. I feel like Ranger would do this just to respect Pack traditions (since they clearly hold the standards for magic and its rules, as well as rules in general, very seriously) and show respect to Claire as the Alpha. 2c. That actually leaves another question: do Alphas take part, or is it assumed they can do what they want, as the Alpha?

3. Were Omegas respected titles, before the "weak link transition? Their main role was being the Alpha's bedmate, not a Mate, but they also had the responsibility of helping produce strong heirs, so that makes me think of honored consorts and such. Sort of like how royals of old had their political marriages, but often had their "true loves" as consorts - not married, but still well respected (only with Shifters, that dynamic is reversed a little, obviously, since they have Mates, not assigned partners.) 4. You realize I'm gonna have to write something about some douche referring to Ranger as Claire's Omega (in the condescending way - ie: they're there for their body, nothing more and are weak) while trying to act like they're a better fit, yeah? The idea of one or both kicking ass over it gives me joy. 5. What made pack adoptions more rare? Has it just been less of an issue as packs adjusted to smaller groups? (Side note: I absolutely love this concept as a whole, shifter packs coming together to give children who need it a loving home and support system. I *adore* the entire concept of community upbringing for children who have lost their parents)

HAPPY TO PROVIDE!!

If both are members of the pack, then they would both look for pack approval. If one is being brought into the pack, it's not necessary, however it does makes for good brownie points if they do.

2. Evie didn't do it for Knight in the official sense, she and Knight didn't really know about the custom to begin with. The pack just automatically accepted that Evie wasn't going anywhere so there as no need to ask. Claire did take the time and invited Evie over to have a heart to heart about and Claire gave her blessing.

2a. I feel like Seer would try to go traditional and ask for the Pack's approval once they and Beth had agreed they wanted to take that step. As much as Beth doesn't want her life chosen for her, the idea of finding her mate and doing things "right" has been something she's looked forward to since she was little. Her mom didn't find her mate until too late in life, so Beth would want to uphold every custom that her mom couldn't.

2b. The second Ranger finds out about this custom, they'll send every pack member a hand written letter to ask to meet in person and ask for their blessing.

2c. Alpha's do participate! When an Alpha takes a mate, they also ask for pack blessing. Their taking of a mate is actually held with more scrutiny than any other member, usually including the mate needing the Beta's specific blessing above all else.

3. The Omega was a well respected title and one that was envied by many. They quite literally carried the future of the pack, so they were protected and revered until the role was no longer necessary. The insult of "weak link" was to undercut the actual importance of the position.

4. I expect this fic on my desk the second it's finished!!

5. Yep! Smaller packs and shifters separating into their own independent units over time made it less popular, but no less necessary for the children who slip through the cracks.

(This aspect of the lore meant a lot to me when establishing it and Claire's adoption makes me so emotional 😭)

#castlereplies #coleblackblood #castleaudios shifters

[clockworkspider]

I'm coming into your inbox to complain to you about rustica and chloe (and fandom shipping) because i can

I wish people would stop trying to painfully shove them into either "lovers" or "father and son" because both are very inaccurate and far-fetched.

Like, yeah rustichloe care about each other a lot but caring about people=/=romance? And yeah they're really cute together but again, wholesomeness=/=romance either?

And on the flip side, even if Rustica saved chloe when chloe was 13, older man caring about younger male child=/=family. Also, if you read any rustichloe story, 99% of the time it's chloe trying to stop rustica from getting scammed or getting otherwise taken advantage of. Like, if we're sorting people by what traditional family roles they're closest to, chloe would be the dad lol. But also at the same time chloe really needs someone as stupidly caring and comforting as rustica because god knows this poor baby never got comfort.

Anyways it drives me insane when people fight over them like "it's so obvious that they're lovers" "eew no, it's clearly a family" ALL OF YOU ARE WRONG. Clearly people are projecting hardcore when they look at rustichloe, and like, fine i guess. You can have fun with fiction and make your own interperpretations. But how do they not realize just how much they're projecting when they interact with other fans who come to entirely different conclusions? How do you not look at yourself after that and realize "hmmm, maybe my own experiences and wishes lead me to interpret these relationships in a biased way" and instead directly go to "i am right and these other people are wrong😤"

Rustichloe aren't lovers, they aren't family, they are mentally ill travel buddies who care about each other greatly. Why do fandoms try so hard to interpret things into text that just....aren't there. Canon gives you wonderfully weird relationships and you try to make it either family/friends/lovers? Why

In conclusion, live laugh love rustichloe, that one scene in mainsto 1 still makes me cry, holy shit chloe's VA is really good for that delivery

THEY ARE SO LIVE LAUGH LOVE!

Where are you even finding these fandom discourse? I don't really wanna know I just haven't seen any 😂

The funny thing is it's not that I would describe them as neither it's more like I could describe them as "all of the above". Cause I do think there's aspect of infatuation between Chloe to Rustica.

And like. Going off topic a bit. Specifically regarding romance it's like. Us as 21st century humans have a certain definition of romance that's connected to like... Marriage and the elusive thing called "romantic attraction" cause "dating" is a fairly modern concept that's almost paramount for romance to exist in the contexr of our lives. But like. A lot of people in history across different culture didn't "date".

"Dating" is a process in which people spend time together deliberately to get to know their romantic compatibility, with a special focus on "romantic attraction" and "chemistry". And I think the concept of dating is so integral to the modern understanding of romance that concepts like marriage and lifelong companionship also gets tied together in one big bundle.

And then here you have, like, characters who are wizards and they can live very long. They're also in a culture different from ours. They form companionships that either last for life or can last hundreds of years. They're often bond by fate in ways uncommon irl cause they're story characters. So really a lot of time the characters are very much like... Soulmates. They don't have to fit into our definition of romance but it's also Not not romance because like. Frankly we have very limited model of lifelong companionship irl.

(And like. Regarding QPR, it's a term that exist because we exist in a culture where lifelong companionship = modern romance = monogamy, so I don't think it quite applies to characters in settings where the culture isn't. Like. Modern 21st century queerspace.)

So anyway I think the way that Chloe and Rustica chooses to stay together make them very much like lovers, I also think Chloe's infatuation lends itself to exploring the concept of desire very easily. His dependence and Rustica's comforting nature also lends itself to exploring the concept of seeking love from parental figure very easily. And like. People looking for parental figure in their lovers? As common as one might think!

So yeah my two cents is I think they're more than either labels but I do think there's a strong resemblance to both.

#clockchat #mhyk

[raeflora]

Your analysis is so great and inspires me to write Chair fanfic! I was wondering what kind of parents you think they'd be? I know people think since Blair and Chuck are not exactly the most warm and nurturing people and lead busy lives they'd have a nanny raise their kid for the most part, but I think they'd be pretty involved parents? Maybe I just want to think that! I feel like Blair would be super structured, organized, rule-oriented etc who keeps the family functioning beautifully while Chuck is more chaotic and the kind of dad who sneaks the kids sugary snacks lol. I'm also curious how you think they'd deal with a kid who (gasp) isn't popular and doesn't care about upper east side social events, debutante balls and so on!

hi!! omg I'm so honoured sksfjksk thank u sm if u post any fic pls tag me I'd love to read it 🫶🏻🫶🏻 ohh I love this question!! I have a lot of feelings about chair as parents lol. I think that actually bc of their individual upbringings they'd be more hands on in terms of parenting as they want to give henry and any other children they have the childhoods that they didn't. ik that they probably would hire a nanny at some point when their children are older, but I believe that they would do all the main parenting themselves for as long as they could (yes even diaper changing and potty training and night feeding). also for chair parenting their kids as babies I think they'd be so enthusiastic about every tiny milestone. like henry rolls over for the first time and they take a hundred videos and are like he's the smartest baby in the whole world!! look at him!! meanwhile baby henry's got no idea what's going on but he's v encouraged.

in terms of their dynamic I think blair would definitely be the more "strict" one in the sense that she's more organised and likes rules like u said and she wants her kids to have structure in their lives. but I do think that she's gentle and loving with them too bc she didn't always get that with her own mother, so she doesn't want her kids to ever feel like she doesn't love them or isn't proud of them. also she's definitely the scarier one when it comes to like parent teacher conferences and stuff everyone thinks it's gonna be chuck but no she's an absolute mama bear. chuck as a dad is so important to me and I think he'd be a kind of soft that ppl never expect. he'd still be like serious about things but definitely more relaxed and the kind of loving father he always wanted. imo for him, like with blair, the most important thing for him is that their children feel supported and loved and that he's present for them. he wants to be there in the big and small ways and he'd definitely be kinda chaotic at times (when henry turns 16 chuck's like if u wanna smoke or drink pls do it around me and uncle nate it'll be safer also we'll show u the good stuff and blair's like no!! we're not encouraging this!! and chuck's like 😏) but so devoted to his children. their kids know they can go to them with anything and they have a much healthier relationship than most ues families.

this is such a fun point so if henry or any of their other children didn't care about ues life or didn't care about being popular I think they'd be surprised but supportive. I can see blair being more surprised and unsure at first than chuck bc she loves tradition and the ues lifestyle (I say as they live in paris sksfjkdk) but I think as long as she knew her child was happy then she'd accept it. she'd definitely try to do things to make them enthuse more but I think eventually chuck would help her realise that their children's happiness is what matters regardless of if they're popular or not or how many events they go to. chuck would be more ok with it bc he wasn't always popular with his peers so I think he'd have a mentality that his children will always have a certain level of fame and notoriety no matter what, so if they change their mind and want to be more involved in ues society then they can reintegrate more easily, it just depends on what they want

#ask #answered #gossip girl #blair waldorf #chuck bass #chuck x blair #chair #henry bass #loved these questions sm 🫶🏻🫶🏻

[not-really-a-writer]

everybody talks about how the pandemic tore couples apart, buuuut do you think that the pandemic also brought people wayyyyy closer + wayyyy faster than normal??? I happen to know a few couples who had only just started dating and then got suuuuper close suuuper fast during the pandemic (and most are still together, coincidentally) and I just thought it was interesting.

Like, under normal circumstances you wouldn't contemplate moving in with someone you'd been dating for 4 months, but during the pandemic... heyyyy anything goes!

Like, under no typical conditions would you normally have this convo 3-4 months into a new relationship: "Wanna get out of the city and move in with my parents in rural America" <one moment of thoughtful reflectance>..."Yeah!"

I'm not making fun of it or anything, just think it's interesting because maybe our concept of 'normal relationship timelines' is screwed. Like, maybe this is a huge discovery in the post-COVID world. If these couples ended up surviving whilst others melted apart during the pandemic, maybe length of relationship isn't such a big pre-requisite when it comes to making major relationship moves and following traditional timelines doesn't factor much in determining the long-term success of a relationship.

Maybe we don't have to look so hard or so long before we leap.

#what even is a normal relationship timeline? #relationships #dating #pandemic dating #dating during the pandemic #quarantine relationships #quarantine dating #romantic at heart

[tuiyla]

what do you think Quinn and Judy's relationship is like post s1? like, we know Judy wasn't the greatest mom during the pregnancy, but how do you think it progressed along the years? the popular assumption in fics seems to be that Judy becomes distant and spends more time drunk than sober, but also the slight mentions/appearances she has in the show s2 and beyond seem to imply that she and Quinn are in a good place - or, at least better than s1, but idk if that’s saying much hahah.

i also just wonder about it in terms of Quinn’s sexuality; i.e. if she ended up w a woman, i’m curious as to how Judy would react. i’m torn between her reverting back to the image-obsessed woman she was in s1 or her being supportive bc she just doesnt wanna lose her daughter again. would love to hear your thoughts, if you have any. thanks for all of these great fandom analyses!! :)

I love you Anon because a couple weeks back I misread another Quinn ask and went on and on about the Fabrays before I realized it said "what do you think of Quinn as a mom". Now's my chance! I mean I could have just posted anyway but have you guys considered that I have no will to write unless someone specifically asks me lol. Buckle up, this is gonna be a long one.

TL;DR: somewhat strained but Judy tries her best despite having so many harmful things to unlearn herself, and needing to learn how to communicate. Quinn holds resentment but they’re both terrified of losing each other. Eventually, when Quinn comes out, Judy uses it as an opportunity to get it right this time.

I've alluded to this to a few times but never actually explained it: I have a morbid fascination with the Fabrays. in the sense that I find what little of their dynamic we see to be deeply disturbing but I also want to know so much more. Russell is a whole other deal and I'll respect that you didn't ask about him haha but even if we just look at Quinn and Judy, like... how do we reconcile the events of season 1? Where to go from there? Truly Glee puts through Quinn so, so, so much in season 1 and then is it any wonder that she has several breakdowns. So this prologue to say, yes I have thoughts and I'm honoured to have been thought of. Also very happy to provide fandom analysis whenever I can!

Just a few words on how I see the Fabrays before Quinn's pregnancy to set it up. We all know they're WASPy but you guys, you need to know how much I read into the extent of that! Based on "Ballad" they might as well be living in the 60s or something. Russell isn't just traditional, he's so ultra it's really no wonder Quinn eventually had a skank phase. I can only assume Frannie had a mental breakdown or two after leaving her childhood home. Quinn even says in that episode that they don't talk about real issues, just ignore them and keep up this facade. Explains much about her, doesn't it. It's all very WASP, very patriarchal, very bad at communication. They don't deal, they pretend. Russell pretends they live in the 60s and Quinn is his perfect little girl who'll wait until marriage like the object she is. Judy pretends she hadn't known all along that her husband was cheating. There's just such a need to uphold this facade of the All-American nuclear family to an extreme that no wonder it takes Quinn several cycles to get over buying into the illusion.

I knew fanon saw Judy as a drunk but I wasn't aware she was portrayed as distant in fics. I agree with you, what little we see of her in seasons 2 and 3 implies that she's at least trying with Quinn. Even in "Ballad" when Russell kicks her out, you see how shocked Judy is. She follows Russell out and acts like the dead-inside obedient housewife she is, but for a split moment you hope that she's gonna stand up to her husband. Because she'd been ignoring the signs that Quinn's pregnant, pretending, and that was because she knew there'd be drastic consequences but she clearly is shocked.

And then a couple months later she comes back for Quinn. It took her that long to see Russell for who he is, to stand up to him, and it sucks that it took so long but I think it must have taken tremendous willpower to reach that stage. I mean, can you imagine being her? Not to say I'm cutting the woman who stood by as her teenage pregnant daughter was disowned too much slack, but still, you know.

So Judy is always going to be the parent who ultimately chose Quinn; the one who came back. But she's also always going to be the one who left in the first place. And I think you're so right to wonder about this Anon because there's just such an interesting story there. Yes, Judy came back, but she also watched her daughter sob and beg and say "I needed my mom" and just... left. How do you live with yourself after that? Not to mention, she came back but she left Quinn to live with random boys and eventually the angel on Earth called Mercedes Jones for months.

So I think, initially, there’s lot of awkwardness but also joy. Quinn’s been through so much and she has her mom again just as she gives up her own daughter. A roller coaster to say the least but finally something resembling stability for the first time in ages. 9 months. And then... they pretend. The nights Quinn spent crying herself to sleep and wishing her mom still loved her are the elephant in the room. They’re not the same and never will be but try to go back to normality. I doubt they talk about Russell often. Maybe after Judy’s had a few drinks she curses him but Quinn keeps a tight lip about him.

The way I’d put it is maybe not they’re in a good place, as such, but Judy tries. I don’t agree with fics that portray her as distant because, while I do think she struggles to get close to Quinn and get her to open up, she tries. Remember, she left but she also came back. And I’d be surprised if she didn’t carry tremendous guilt about that so she might not always succeed, certainly not in s2 when Quinn is laser-focused on pretending the pregnancy never happened, but she tries to be a good mother.

The skank phase would be fascinating to explore. Because I think it’s once again a real tragedy where Judy would watch her daughter break down and completely unravel and just, not know what to do about it. She’d smile and ask Quinn about her day still but it’s hard to keep pretenses when you’re teenage daughter gets tattoos and dates 40-year-old skateboarders. She’d try to talk it through but Quinn would shut her out and I don’t think she’d feel it’s her right to act all strict now. For some reason, I think Judy would feel it best to let Quinn rebel. But how much would she know about freaking baby-stealing shenanigans? Nothing, I assume.

And then Quinn finds herself, her more normal self again and I’d like to imagine they finally have a good talk just as she applies to Yale. Maybe an emotional breakthrough? God, for both their sakes I hope so. But here’s the thing, try as Judy might and ignore it for as long as Quinn can, I think there’s resentment there. Because Quinn was abandoned by her parents, by her mom when she needed her the most and that’s a scar that maybe nothing can heal. So she represses, as a Fabray does until it explodes, and I guess it would during the skank timeline. Maybe after Shelby leaves and Quinn is left standing there trying to process everything.

Judy is also the parent who came back and therefore the on who’s there. So when it all comes out, Quinn can’t exactly blame Russell for all of it. I mean this is just textbook lashing out at the parent who’s there so I assume Quinn would be no different. And it’s not like Judy’s blameless so there are many harsh words thrown, most of them true to some capacity, lots of tears and a big emotional catharsis. Judy tells her she’s sorry. Quinn says she feels robbed. Of a childhood, of a sense of peace, of a family. And Judy can’t ever get back what was lost. And hey, maybe watching her own mom fall apart at that realization helps Quinn move on from the Shelby business. Not from Beth, never completely, but from feeling like she needs her to be complete. Imagine how cool it would have been to actually see Quinn deal with all her shit during and post her skank phase. Alas, the writers didn’t care.

But yes, I see Judy as trying but frankly failing throughout season 2 and then the end of the skank phase brings catharsis for both. Quinn gets back on track but with more of a sense of agency. Judy cheers her on during graduation as seen in canon. Quinn’s college attempts at the old status quo, namely screwing her professor and then Biff are really a whole other topic but I think she’d try to distance herself from Lima and her mom. They do keep in touch of course but it’s quite superficial. For her sake, I hope Judy gets her shit together for real in the meantime. That woman has a ton of harmful shit to unlearn from her marriage and she’s barely holding it together.

So now that I’ve gone on and on about all that, I do also want to talk about Quinn’s coming out because I haven’t thought of it much but you’re absolutely right that it’s an interesting topic. Maybe it’s the optimist in me who just doesn’t want to see Quinn suffer but at worst I see Judy being kind of uncomfortable at the thought but again, trying her best. She’s already lost her daughter once and in my mind, Quinn takes a while to come to terms with whatever her identity is - which is okay! Realistically, I think she’d bring a girlfriend home one day, they’d have dinner, Judy would be charmed by the GF but visibly... off. Perfectly civil, just processing. And then they have The Talk and Quinn feels like throwing up because a decade prior a “shameful secret” got her disowned.

Judy does what Judy’s been doing for a decade and tries her best. It’s a bit of a shock but then again, something she’s known for a while but pretended not to. Sound familiar? Except she’s had time to learn and grow and is determined to look at this as a second chance. She’s not about to lose her daughter again and risk it being for good this time so she’s all in. Bit overeager, even, tries to learn slang and all that. And Quinn shake her head but she also lowkey cries herself to sleep, except this time it’s because she’s not afraid anymore and learns that she can have a family after all. GF holds her through the night because GF is finally someone who truly knows and loves Quinn for all she is.

Aaand those are the thoughts, for now! Thank you for indulging me Anon, thank you for taking the time to read my silly little Glee thoughts and to ask me for more. Hope you didn’t regret it lol.

#quinn asks #anon #glee asks #quinn fabray #judy fabray #thank you anon and i hope you find interesting bits in here #long post #look i have Feelings on the fabrays #can you believe i actually held back #quinn thoughts

[animatedrapture]

[ say it back ! ]

《 masterlist || next 》

[thirty one: i do]

During your farewell with the rest of the MSBY team, Atsumu—at the very least—had messaged you that he wouldn’t go; pained as it made you, this was the barrage of consequences that came with harboring feelings, the ones you knew was coming but hurt you all the same. The decision of your exit from the team was explained properly, and thankfully, they took it quite well—save for Sakusa’s loud sigh, muttering “stupid Atsumu,” under his breath.

Speaking of Sakusa, surprisingly enough, he hugged you right before you left. A heavy sigh escaping his lips, your stunned state tense against his body, “Well, I’m not going to see you for quite a while, Y/N,” he says through his mask.

You shake your head, chuckling lightly, “I’ll surely miss you, Omi-omi.”

As if on cue, he groans at his nickname yet lets it slide, patting your head lightly with a short nod in regards, something that makes you smile.

With that, it’s easily been more than a month since you left the team and since the begrudging decision to also put a pause on traditional movie nights. You haven’t talked to Atsumu either, save for that message to inform you of his absence in your little farewell party. It’s genuinely bittersweet how things turned out—but there was probably no way it could’ve turned out completely all okay, everything intact. That simply wasn’t how life worked.

Hurt as you were to have lost a best friend, if even in temporary terms, the world would continue to work its magic—running around and busying itself as did everything in it.

Sweet, though, because Suna stayed with you through all of it—understood when you came to him in anxious thought that perhaps you went about everything the wrong way. He opened his arms to pull you in and kept you in such comfort each time. He was still himself, of course, lazed out and bored expression across his face ever prominent—his replies remained near dry, try as he might to be the sweetest boyfriend he could pull off. Still, every night he kept you caged in his arms; occasionally, he would pick a flower randomly from around the campus to give to you when he sees you again in between breaks; and every kiss he pressed into your lips made up for it and more.

The way he would put little bookmarks casually when he knows you’ve forgotten about the book you held in your hand, the way he knew what drink to get you, the way his lips would curl up more often—the way he would direct his camera on you, capturing you in the most unexpected moments, it was those that screamed just how much he loved you. So soon enough, the movie nights you had with the twins that was brought to an abrupt pause were replaced with your dates with Suna.

Yet, true to his word, Suna would say “I love you” more often than you'd assume he would, each time not less sincere but with more meaning—as if the more he said it, the more it rang true and heavier against his chest as if his lungs would constrict if he failed to tell you. Not that it was out of necessity either, he would always say it in spontaneity that it would leave your mouth agape before letting out a scoff, telling him he’s ridiculous; yet he’d hide the smile tugging on the corner of his lips, simply because he knew all too well how much you loved the way he did it.

It didn’t take long for Suna to finally join your little hangout events with the rest either—and neither were you mistaken on the assumption that he would fit in well with Kenma, Akaashi, Kuroo, Tsukishima, and Bokuto; though, it might be more so because Suna easily bonded with Kenma over video games, or Suna's ability to quickly retaliate to almost every comment that Tsukishima made. Soon enough and much to your dismay, Suna had started slowly replacing you in Kenma’s gameplay reviews—to which Kenma reasoned with, “You lose all the time anyway,” and had you not adored the way they were all getting along so well, you probably would’ve smacked Suna on the back of his head when he started cackling at Kenma’s response.

As for Atsumu, he did stay in MSBY—but he failed to avoid Sakusa’s glare and cold logic over the situation initially. It was a bit odd though, Sakusa had informed you, because of Bokuto’s occasional slip of your name, especially during the first few weeks after you left the team. You’re not sure if Atsumu knew, but Ayumi kept in touch with you and asked for advice on how to handle him, though she did let you know that Atsumu listened to her more often than he used to since you left as the assistant manager with no one to replace you. You and Osamu remained in touch the best you both could despite it all, he let you know that he avoided mentioning you; yet in the end, it was Atsumu himself who would ask about how you’ve been—and you continued to wonder how long “later” was and when “later” would finally come. Especially when a few more months passed without direct contact with Atsumu.

Before you knew it, you were already moving in with Suna in a new apartment after noticing how little time Suna spent in his own apartment in the fifth floor since the both of you made up. Moving in the new place was surprisingly less stressful that you thought it would be, too. Settling in so quickly and easily as you did with Suna, which was probably why it had felt so easy—because you were moving in with Suna Rintarō, the person you trusted more than yourself.

But besides all that, everything also remained the same. You did have to look for a new part time job, though. Something that Suna responded with, "Just be our manager or somethin'."

You turn to him with an incredulous look, trying to see if he was kidding, but his eyes remained trained on the screen of his phone as he leaned back on the couch, sucking on his favorite jelly sticks—enough to let you know he wasn't kidding at all.

You flick his forehead, making him look up at you with an eyebrow raised, “Personal relationships like ours isn't allowed if I'm your manager, genius,” you deadpanned.

He hummed in thought, tilting his head a little, "Wanna breakup?" He grinned jokingly, and he chuckles as you grumble at his question.

“I hate you,” you scoffed, turning away your attention from him as he continued to snicker at your reaction before pulling you close to him.

“You love me,” he states with a silent laugh.

“Mhm, I do.”

Suna Rintarō wouldn’t have it any other way.

fun facts:

♡ suna and y/n hasn’t done any kind of housewarming party because they would obviously be incomplete.

♡ kenma says that y/n always loses in the videos anyway but really, he just gets more views when he has suna on instead. [suna is pretty, we can’t blame kodzuken’s audience]

♡ i might’ve clickbaited y’all on the title. probably should've been a longer chapter but i really like the idea ive got for the finale !! so yeah, stay tuned on 32!!

wc: 1.1k+ words. not proofread.

#suna rintarou #suna x reader #suna #suna rintaro x reader #suna rintaro smau #haikyuu smau #haikyuu #[🍒]sayitback #[🍒] — sayviolet #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu x y/n

[piratewithvigor]

Stars

Chapter 1: 1971

Kane's steadiest relationship through his life was always to the stars

(This fic is 4 chapters, inspired by this fic by @old-no7, approximately 5000 words and written in a 24-hour binge. It'll eventually also be posted to AO3, but I'm sleepy rn, so not right now)

He’d been waiting for that night for two weeks. Marking the days off on a little scrap of paper his brother had written up for him. 14 little boxes to put an X through when he woke up every morning. His brother had been forbidden from partaking in their little ritual until after he finished writing his chemistry test and Kane knew better to stay outside alone. So he waited and he helped his brother study. In later years, when they recollected those weeks, his brother would admit that if anything, even less studying had been done when Kane was insisting to help. He tried to quiz his brother on vocabulary, which might have been helpful if Kane could read the terms or the definitions. Or knew what exactly chemistry was. But his brother appreciated the effort.

Kane had spent almost the entire day of the test in the window of the parlor, kneeling on the itchy red couch. It was a nice enough couch when they had funerals happening, since those were the days Kane had to wear long pants, but the rest of the time, when he was in shorts, the fabric itched his legs, so he didn’t like the couch much. But he put up with it that day. Mother wouldn’t let him move any of the furniture or sit on the windowsill, so he put up with the itch.

Mother said his brother would return when the old grandfather clock rang exactly four times. Kane considered himself a good counter. He could make it as far as twenty without any help, since that was how many fingers and toes he had, but he had trouble remembering what came after. It didn’t matter that day anyway. The grandfather clock never rang more than twelve times (that was all fingers and two toes) and was on eight rings by the time Kane was woken up and told to get ready for the day.

Making sure he counted each and every ring was hard work. By the time he’d counted four and not a single one more, he was almost too sleepy to figure out right away that it meant his brother would be walking up the lane any second. The only way he did figure it out was by seeing the long black coat of his brother blowing gently through the wind at the bottom of the hill. He was off the itchy red couch and out the front door before he even had time to yell to his mother where he was going.

His brother was far more focused on keeping his hat from blowing away in the wind to see Kane coming at him like a bat out of hell. He only just grabbed onto it as Kane captured him in a tight hug around his middle.

“You wrote your test today, right? So tonight we can sleep outside?” Kane asked, already knowing the answers, but just wanting finalised confirmation. His brother blew some curly red strands out of his eyes.

“Yes, Kane, I did do well on my test. Thank you for asking so politely,” he chuckled as he squirmed out of the hug. Kane huffed his annoyance quietly.

“Sorry. We’re still sleeping outside tonight, right?”

“We can head out as soon as we trade my bookbag for the tent inside.”

The next couple minutes were a battle of the brothers as Kane tried to drag his brother up the hill to the house as fast as possible and his brother trying to hold Kane back, just to wind him up for his own amusement. Eventually, even his brother couldn’t hide his excitement for the evening anymore.

It was the first year where their father was letting them go out by themselves. They’d each gotten training to defend themselves against some of the more common beasts of the Valley. Kane was trusted with a hunting knife after proving himself capable enough of getting a good shot in while also understanding the dangers the knife could possess. His brother, being older, had already been taken hunting twice. He didn’t like killing things, but their father was confident that if push came to shove, he could bring himself to kill pretty much anything in the name of keeping Kane safe.

After kissing their mother goodbye for the evening and receiving a final quick quiz on what to do and what not to do when faced with danger from their father, each boy picked up their packs and started on the trail into the woods. Kane had both the food and his sleeping bag slung over his shoulders, and if it had been any other night, he would have probably begun complaining from the weight. Sandwiches had never seemed so heavy before, or maybe his brother was just taking them to a place really far away. They did most of their exploring together, but Kane knew there were some places he’d never been before. Either because they were too far away for his little legs to walk to or because they involved crossing the river and his brother hadn’t been quite tall enough to lift Kane over the water yet. Wet feet was one of their first warnings: if they couldn’t cross the river with dry feet when safe, they wouldn’t be able to make it across if they ever faced danger.

“Are we going to the river?” Kane eventually piped up, hoping to disguise the ache in his shoulders and his feet.

“What?”

“The river. Are we crossing it?”

“Maybe when you’re bigger. Not today.”

“Then where are we going?”

“Somewhere special.”

“How special?”

“Kane, do you ever stop talking?”

By the time they stopped bickering, Kane realized they hadn’t been walking for likely a minute or more. They were in a small clearing of grass and a few rocks scattered around. Surrounded by trees on all sides, but there was still a patch of sky overhead.

“Do you know how to set up the tent by yourself?” His brother asked, shaking Kane from his admirings of their location.

“No, but I can put together the poles,” he offered. He was good at poles. Just wasn’t tall enough to put up the tent with them, but he’d never say so out loud.

“Do that. I want to gather some firewood while it’s still light out. Have your knife on you?” Kane pulled out the hunting knife from the leather case their mother had made and showed it off proudly. “Good. Don’t lose it. I’m not going far, but just in case-”

“Can’t I come with you? I wanna get some firewood too.”

“What for?”

“So I can have my own fire.”

“You can light the big one. We need the tent up before it gets dark. It’ll be faster if we each do one chore.”

Kane nodded and tried his best not to pout. He’d wanted his own fire to play with, but if his brother was letting him set the big one, that would be okay too. Besides, putting up the tent was an important job. Being trusted to assemble the poles properly was more than he usually did on these trips. But with only two of them going, there’d be lots more work for each of them. As his brother set out to find the firewood, Kane decided that not only would he assemble the poles, he’d even find the right place for each of them to slide into the tent fabric. Then all that would have to be done was push it up and stake it down. Easy-peasy.

He was sliding in the last pole when he heard the tell-tale dropping of firewood behind him and jumped up.

“Tent’s ready to be put up,” he explained proudly. His brother lifted an eyebrow uncertainly.

“You sure you’ve got them in the right spots?”

“Yup!”

“Positive?”

“Yes!”

“And if we try to put it up and they’re not?”

“They will be!”

To Kane’s credit, they were, surprisingly, all absolutely correct. The tent went up in no time at all. With an overexcited use of matches and dry wood, the fire was almost faster. By the time the sun was down over the Valley and the night air quietly screeched with the calls of bugs and other assorted beasts, both boys were picking at their ham sandwiches and lying back in the grass to look upwards.

“Tell me a story,” Kane quietly requested, as if he didn’t want to disturb the world around them.

“A story?”

“Yeah, like Father does every year. About the stars.”

“You mean the constellations?” He chuckled a little and pushed some hair out of his face. “Kane, my brain’s so full of chemistry right now, I hardly remembered the way here.”

“C’mon!” It was tradition. A story by the fireside. He wasn’t letting his brother get off that easy with such a lame excuse.

“Okay, okay, I’ll come up with something.” He went quiet for a few moments before lifting one of his arms to the heavens. “You see that star there?”

“Which one?”

“The big one.”

“They’re all big. Father says they’re as big as the sun.”

“Okay, the one that looks bigger because it's the closest.”

“Yeah, I think so.”

“That one’s me.”

“How come you get to be a star?”

“You’re a star too, Kane. See the reddish-looking one?”

“Right beside the big one?”

“Exactly. Stars are born and they die all the time.”

“Just like people.”

“Right, just like people. When we die, those stars are going to disappear.”

“Are they brothers too?”

“Of course. Stars can be brothers just like people.”

“Do they get along?”

“Most of the time. Sometimes they fight and they don’t look like they’re as close together, but they always make up. Always.”

#Stars #UT #Kane #WWE #Writing #If I don't get a PB&J in the next 15 minutes I am going to consume a pelvis #I don't care whose

[pixiegrl]

and one more because I'm an emo Lashton lady "please don't leave me alone" 💜💜

Well, I couldn’t get bar fight out of my head, and you also asked for “I would love for you to write a pre-barfight piece with either the original fight or the time where Luke was alone without Ashton.” So...here it is. The angst of the breakup.

on ao3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29267046

It all comes crashing down on a Tuesday. Tuesday is date night. It’s been a long standing tradition for Luke and Ashton since they started dating about a year ago. It’s not that they don’t spend time together the other days of the week, since they’re always over at each other’s houses for band reasons or boyfriend reasons, but they always make it a point to go out on Tuesday. They get dressed up and they go out to dinner and they have a good time. 

Well, Luke has a good time. He likes going out with Ashton, holding his hand, stealing kisses in between bites of food. Luke’s favorite thing is telling their waiter that “this is my boyfriend, we’re on a date,” and smiling when the waiter says something sweet back. Ashton however, seems to tense up as soon as they’re in public. He’s fine when they’re at home, stealing kisses from Luke, and he’s fine in the car, holding Luke’s hand over the center console. He’s even fine in the restaurants they go to, makes a point of going to the smaller ones where they’re less likely to be recognized. Luke gets it. He doesn’t want random fans interrupting their dates, doesn’t want to be harassed during private times. However, as soon as Luke says we’re on a date, Ashton clams up. His smile looks fake and he looks stiff. He thaws out eventually, holding Luke’s hand under the table and sharing bites of his food, but there’s always that initial hesitation. Luke was hoping after 12 months, Ashton would get better, but clearly, he hasn’t.

Tonight is worse. They’re going to a slightly more popular restaurant, something that they keep getting rave reviews about. Michael had gushed about the place when he took Crystal on a date last month and Calum had said something similar last week after a date with his girlfriend. Even though Luke and Ashton typically avoid those kinds of places, for fear of being recognized, the reviews had swayed them. Besides, Luke has reasoned, it’s a Tuesday night. What could happen on a Tuesday night?

When they get to the restaurant, it’s crowded. Not in the way it would be if it was a weekend, but enough that Ashton drops Luke’s hand and puts space between them. Luke’s heart drops at that. They’ve been holding hands since Ashton picked Luke up from his house, greeted him at the door with a kiss. Now, Ashton barely looks in Luke’s direction as he talks to the hostess, like he’s worried that if they so much as acknowledge each other, a neon sign proclaiming that they’re together will go off.

The hostess leads them back to the table and they sit across from each other. Luke thinks it’s silly when people on dates sit next to each other and he’s said so many times. Luke reaches across the table, reaching out a hand for Ashton. Ashton takes it, interlocking their fingers and squeezing. The waiter comes up, asks what they want to order, eyebrows raised when she seems to recognize them. Ashton drops Luke’s hand, straightening up, and placing his order. Luke’s heart drops. It’s fucking date night and it’s been weird since they walked in and he was hoping sitting down would make it better, but it didn’t and now he’s not even going to get anything from his boyfriend because Ashton’s worried about being in public.

It’s been an ongoing argument since the first month they dated. Anything Luke tries to broach the topic, hesitantly brings up the idea about coming out, telling the world outside of their family and the band that they’re dating, Ashton shuts him down. It’s an old, played out explanation that Ashton’s worried about their image, about what people will think, about the insults and the names and what the industry will think of them. Luke’s tired of it. He’s tired of feeling like a secret, like Ashton’s ashamed of him, of them, of his own sexuality. Usually Luke can brush it off during a date but for some reason, he can’t shake it tonight, watching how stiff Ashton is during their meal, half listening to Luke’s jokes. It’s only once they’re out of the restaurant that Ashton eases up, taking Luke’s hand again, pressing a quick kiss to his cheek. Luke relaxes, eases into the touch, fond.

Then, they run into some fans on the street. It takes them both by surprise, the girls coming up to them, gushing about the band, asking for a photo. Luke doesn’t mind, always happy to interact with people who love their music. Ashton agrees, smile stiff and body language hesitant, like he’s worried they saw the kiss, them holding hands, like they’re going to run and tell the world that Luke Hemmings and Ashton Irwin were making out in the middle of the street. It leaves a sour taste in Luke’s mouth, puts a cloud on the rest of their date, that follows them all the way to the car and back to Luke’s house. The drive is filled with stiff silence, awkward tension. They’re walking on a tightrope, neither of them wanting to be the first to break it, snap the rope and bring it all up.

They’ve barely made it through the door to Luke’s place, shut it behind them before Luke finally opens his mouth and breaks the silence.

“Ashton, do you not want to keep dating?”

“What gave you that idea?” Ashton says, pausing in his movement to hang up his coat, looking over at Luke. Luke twists his ring around his finger, shrugging as Ashton finishes, turning fully to face Luke.

“It’s just...it’s been a year. We’ve been together for a year and you still don’t want to come out. Which, I respect and I understand that it’s your decision, but I’m tired. I’m tired of feeling like a dirty secret, like a skeleton in your closet.”

“That’s not what I think of this relationship.”

“It doesn’t feel like that. Tonight was date night and you spent the whole time putting as much space between the two of us as you could.”

“I like my privacy Luke, you know that.”

“And I like my privacy too, but there’s a fine line between privacy and literally hiding the fact that you’re bisexual and that we’re dating,” Luke says. He’s trying to keep his voice level, hoping that Ashton will understand what it is that Luke’s saying, what it is that he’s asking of Ashton.

“What are you trying to say?”

“I’m trying to say that it’s been a year. It’s been a year and we’re happy and I want to be able to tell the world that. We don’t have to post every little thing about our personal lives, but fuck Ash, I want to be able to hold your hand in public and not have you flinch away.”

“I love you Luke, but I don’t know that I want to come out,” Ashton says, hesitant and slow. Luke’s heart stops.

“What?”

“I don’t want to come out. I don’t want the whole world to suddenly start judging us based on that. I don’t want people to look at our music and the only thing they can talk about is how we’re dating. I don’t want that to influence how often our music is played on the radio, or who listens to our music. I want to keep the two things separate.”

“What the fuck?” Luke asks, shock and anger bleeding into this tone.

“We’ve talked about this before.”

“No we haven’t. You’ve mentioned wanting to be private, but you’ve never hinted at the fact you just don’t want to come out. That you’d rather keep us a secret forever than let our relationship taint the music.”

“You’re twisting my words,” Ashton says, voice rising, hands clenched at his sides.

“If you don’t want to be out, why don’t we just break up then?”

“Luke, that’s not what I want, you know that’s not what I want.”

“How can I know? You won’t even talk to me. You just keep saying how you don’t want to come out, don’t want anyone to know about us. Like you’re ashamed of us. I want to plan a future with you and you won’t even hold my hand in public,” Luke’s shaking now, can barely hold on. If Ashton won’t talk to him, he just wants him to go.

“Luke, please. It’s not about being ashamed of you at all. I just...I don’t want to have our sexuality or our relationship cloud people’s judgement of our music. I don’t want it to be the only thing people think about when they see us.” 

“Ashton, I want to talk about a future with you without you constantly second guessing us.” 

Ashton pauses, glancing away from Luke. Luke feels cold, ice in his veins. Ashton’s silence is deafening, Luke’s heart sinking.

“Ashton, you do think about a future for us?” 

“I just...we’re so young Luke. I don’t want to give you promises and words that might not be true in the future. I don’t want to hang everything on where we are at 25.” 

“But you’ll hang everything on starting a band at 16. You’ll hang everything on that. You’ll tell me to my face that you don’t think we can last when we’ve known each other for 10 years.” 

“We’ve only been dating for a year. I don’t want to lock you into something so soon.” 

“You mean, you don’t wanna fuck up the band by coming out and dumping me later,” Luke says, tone clipped.

“That’s not what I’m saying and you know it,” Ashton snaps back, brows furrowed and anger bleeding into his tone. 

“No I don’t Ashton! You’re suddenly telling me all this shit about how you don’t think we’re going to last or have a future together. What’s the fucking point of us dating if you know you’re going to break up with me in the future?” Luke snaps. He can’t believe he’s thought about a future with Ashton only to hear that Ashton doesn’t think they’re long-term enough.  

“I’m not having this fucking conversation with you right now. You’re being unreasonable.” 

“I don’t think I’m being unreasonable by asking you to be open about your sexuality and us. I don’t think I’m being unreasonable by asking if you want a future. I don’t think I’m being unreasonable by asking my boyfriend to stop acting like he’s ashamed of me.” 

“Well, you’re being pretty fucking rude and I’m not talking with you right now.”

“Then go! If you don’t give a shit, if you don’t want to try, then just fucking go!” Luke screams. He’s blinded by rage, flare in his chest at the idea that Ashton doesn’t even want to listen to him, doesn’t even want to try. 

Luke’s words hang in the air, the implication in them clear. Luke’s just about declared a break-up without saying the words. There’s a beat, where Luke and Ashton stare at each other, surprise mirrored on their faces. 

“Is that what you really want?” Ashton asks, hard edge in his voice, face stony.

No. “Yes. If you won’t listen to me, to anything I have to say, then I don’t see how this relationship can keep going,” Luke says. He’s shaking, begging for Ashton to prove him wrong, for Ashton to stop for a moment and just talk to him. The words hang in the air, the finality of the statement. 

There’s a moment where Luke thinks maybe Ashton will be the reasonable one, that he’ll call Luke out on his attitude and how he’s acting and say they’ll talk about it later, that he’ll come over and kiss Luke because you can’t go to bed angry, and everything will be fine. Instead, Ashton nods, face unreadable. Luke’s heart drops. 

“Right then. Guess I’ll just...head home,” Ashton says. Ashton turns around, heading towards the door. Luke stays rooted to his spot, hands shaking. He’s scared that if he moves, his legs will give out and he’ll fall to the floor. The idea that a year of dating, a lifetime of friendship, is ending right here as Ashton grabs his jacket off the hook, gets his hand on the doorknob.

“Please don’t leave me alone,” Luke whispers, sorrow opening up in his chest, empty broken feeling. Hoping that maybe if Ashton will hear him this one last time, he’ll stay. Ashton stills, hand on the doorknob and Luke thinks for a moment that maybe, maybe Ashton will turn around, apologize, that it was all a misunderstanding and they can be together, that Ashton won’t leave Luke. Instead Ashton turns the knob. 

“I’ll be back to get my things,” he mumbles, words distant and broken as he walks out the door, shuts it behind him. Luke collapses, shaking with tears and the overwhelming idea of what’s just happened. He wraps his arms around himself, sobbing, begging for Ashton to come back through the door and say he’s sorry and pull Luke into a hug, for Luke to get up the courage to call him, apologize, beg him to come back. 

Neither of those happen. Luke’s left alone, on the floor of his living room, crying salty wet tears until his body is wrung dry and he can’t do much more than sniffle, broken and alone, trapped in misery of his own making. 

***

Luke wakes up, jolted awake by yet another nightmare. He reaches out, chest tight, breath shallow, trying to grasp for Ashton. 

The bed is empty next to him. Luke groans, rolling over, mouth wrapped around the syllables of Ashton’s name before his head catches up with the rest of him, heart stopping when he realizes that Ashton isn’t there. Ashton’s not there and he won’t be ever again because they’ve broken up. It’s been four days and they’re not together anymore. 

Luke collapses onto his back, staring up at the ceiling. The room is basking in the light glow from the moonlight. Luke doesn’t dare touch his phone or look at his clock, knows that if he does it will relieve that it’s far too early for him to be awake. 

It keeps happening. Luke can’t sleep anymore. The bed is too empty, vast and barren without Ashton. Luke can’t fall asleep without Ashton pressed behind him it seems. Luke hates that he’s grown so accustomed to Ashton’s presence that it’s interrupted his ability to do something as basic as sleeping. He just can’t fucking sleep. He keeps closing his eyes or laying on his back, exhausted, but unable to actually shut his body off. Everything is too big, too loud. Things he never noticed before, like the sound of the air kicking on or how bright the nightlight in the bathroom is, keep him up. The shittiest thing is that even once he falls asleep, he’s jolted awake by some form of a nightmare. It slips through his fingers as soon as he wakes up, unable to place the panic in his veins and the pounding of his heart. All it’s doing is cutting down on his already short sleep cycle. He barely sleeps through the night and what little he can nap during the day is usually interrupted by the simple fact that he’s awakened by something else. 

So Luke’s barely sleeping and he’s barely doing anything else. He hasn’t left his house in four days, probably hasn’t showered in at least two, and he can’t place when he last ate. Luke hates how apparent it’s become that he needs Ashton to do basic human things. Without Ashton to remind him of time passing or routines or meal times, Luke finds that he’s losing track of what he needs to do. Dinner is less appealing when there’s no one to make it with, to share it with. Showers don’t matter when you have no one to see. Sleep apparently is pointless without another body there with him. Luke hasn’t had nightmares like this since he was 16. Now they’ve overwhelmed even his most basic body function. It’s the first time in a long time Luke’s been truly alone. 

Luke rolls over again onto his side, curling up into a ball and squeezing his eyes shut. Whether he’s trying to will himself to sleep or stop the tears from coming, Luke’s not sure. Luke can’t believe how much he’s cried in the last few days. He certainly isn’t drinking enough water for how many tears his body seems to be making. Everytime Luke thinks he’s finally done crying, a new wave of tears overtakes him. Luke’s miserable, missing Ashton, and made even more miserable by the fact that it’s his own fault. If he hadn’t started the stupid fight, told Ashton to leave, he wouldn’t be having this problem right now. If Luke could just work up the courage to call Ashton, to apologize for what he said, beg Ashton to come back, he wouldn’t be having this problem. But Luke is stupid and stubborn and he doesn’t want to admit to anyone that he’s having this problem. Not Michael or Calum or his mum or god forbid, have Ashton find out. Luke doesn’t want anyone to know that he’s a stupid 24 year old who can’t survive without his fucking boyfriend. Ex-boyfriend his brain supplies, sending Luke into a fresh spiral of tears, burying his face into the pillow as he sobs.

Luke hears noise at his bedroom door, looking up to see Petunia wandering, snuffling her way around the room. Luke holds a hand out to her, cooing until she makes me way over. Luke knows she misses Ashton, confused by the missing body that’s usually in their space, complaining about getting in his way, while also feeding her snacks. Sometimes, Luke thinks Petunia likes Ashton more than him. 

Petunia comes to the edge of the bed, putting her paws up on the bed and sticking her nose in Luke’s face, sniffing. Luke sits up, picking her up and getting her onto the bed with him. She pats at the bed, trying to smooth down the covers into a position that she likes before settling in. Luke curls himself around her, burning his face into her fur, trying to muffle his own tears.

“Please don’t leave me alone,” he whispers into Petunia’s fur. She snuffles, unaware of what’s going on around her, how much her owner’s life has been altered. Luke knows it’s silly, asking his dog to not leave him, but he’s hoping maybe if he says it enough, that maybe he’ll stop missing him. That maybe the hole in his heart will repair itself and he can stop being so broken. Maybe everything will be alright (Or maybe, the voice in his head says, that maybe if he says it enough, Ashton will come back. Maybe Ashton will come back and he won’t be so alone). Either way, Luke thinks as his body gives up and he drifts to sleep, it’s late night, empty promises to himself that everything will be different in the morning.

#5 seconds of summer #lashton #luke hemmings #ashton irwin #angst #nothing but angst here folks #break up #my writing

[uncloseted]

1/2

1/2

1/2 Hi. I think I could use some help, I'll try to make this short. When I was 14yo (I'm 20 now) I dated a 18yo guy, thank God we were taking it slow and never made things official. Now that I'm older I can see that relash was rlly wrong. He was manipulating, used me to boost his ego, forced me to do things I wasn't comfortable doing and I think although we weren't official, he cheated on me? (more on that later). After a few months of fooling around, I found out something about him that I didn't like and confronted him about it, with the intention of ending that relash. He started begging me not to leave him, asking me tricky questions about the things I had heard of him with the intention of "making me realize" he did nothing wrong, and he even became violent with the person who told me those things, to the point I couldn't break up with him because I was scared. I just stopped answering his texts and calls because I was afraid of even talking to him and eventually he took the hint and suggested we broke up. We decided to stay friends, but that only lasted a few days, because one day, via Facebook Messenger, he suggested we got back together and I rejected him, so he blocked me. Months later, I had to close my Facebook due to harassment (not related to him) and opened a new one. Facebook showed me his profile in 'people you may know' and I decided to peek out of curiosity. Turns out, the moment we broke up, he started uploading photos with his new girlfriend. The descriptions of those pics said the exact same things he used to tell me, and I ain't good a math but I did some calcs and he had to be with her while still being with me lmao. I really didn't care, I was just happy I got rid of him, and I moved on with my life. Some time later I fell head over heels for a guy from my workplace, who I still hold close to my heart. I have trust issues and I am a very private person, especially with my relashs, so I didn't tell anyone about this guy except from like 3 friends. One of them was a girl (that we'll call Anne) who was like a sister to me, and was also friends with my ex. Over the next 2 years I had a relash with this guy, everytime I talked to Anne I used to tell her more details about my relash. Then, one day, I got a text from my ex. He texted me like we were besties and nothing had ever happened between us, like he didn't block me TWICE (yeah, he blocked me from my new Facebook too even though I never tried to reach out to him). I was angry at his nerve and told him so, he realized I was upset and changed his persona from confident and tough as nails to regretful and soft, telling me he was sorry for being so immature all those years before, but excusing his shitty behavior by saying he always "kept an eye on me". Um, wtf? He told me he was always asking stuff about me to Anne, looking out for me. I wanted to know what exactly he knew, but, trying to manipulate me again, he said he would only tell me if I accepted to play a game with him: I could ask him one question if he would ask me one in exchange and so on, and we had to be ttly honest with each other. I really didn't wanna get into his shenanigans but I only had one question (wtf do u exactly know about me, creep?) so I accepted. He asked his question first (dID u fEeL sAd wHeN i bLoCkEd U?) and I asked mine. I thought he maybe knew something about my school stuff and MAYBE that I had been dating someone else. Turns out he knew every. single. detail about my personal life. Not only he KNEW I was with other guy...

2/2 Not only he KNEW I was with other guy. He knew his entire name, the school he attended and every little detail from our relationship and other stuff about my personal life. Every single thing I told Anne, opening my heart to her, she told him. I felt terribly violated. I felt like a dissected frog, open for anyone to see my most inner parts. I felt ashamed, unprotected, sad and angry, all at the same time. I told him what he did was disgusting, to never reach me again or try to "keep an eye on me", and that I would make that job easier for him by getting Anne out of my life. He apologized, said he understood the situation, would respect my wishes, and wished me a happy life. I thought that was it. It took me a while but I got to heal, to feel safe again, although I still have a hard time trusting my friends. But I was wrong. Months later he sent me a Friend Resquest. I was a lil afraid, but tried to calm myself saying he probably just was checking if I was still upset, so I rejected the request and again convinced myself that was really it. But then he sent some girls to take pictures of me during my high school graduation ceremony and recently, his cousin (who was my friend when we were 14 but haven't talked since) texted me. I know that sometimes nostalgia makes you reach out to old friends, but we weren't close at all. Besides, he acted super weird, didn't even try to make small talk or let the convo flow naturally, but went straight for super specific and weird questions: are you studying college? what are you doing with your life? are you in a relationship? I was really weirded out and considered the possibility he may have been asking all those things because my ex asked him to do so, so I kept my answers short and vague, not giving him the info he wanted, and although I def came out as cutting, he kept asking. I tried to still be friendly because I didn't wanna seem paranoid, but I think he realized I wasn't telling him anything over texts, so he asked me to meet again over some beers with his friends on October 27th and that's when I stopped answering. I thought about that strange invitation for a few days until it hit me: October 27th is my ex's birthday. So much about respecting my wishes. I spent the rest of that month really nervous that cousing would try to reach out again, but nothing happened and I started to feel calmed again. Until, in November, he wrote me again, this time asking me if I wanted to go to the beach with his friends. I haven't even bother to open that text. Since them, I've been super paranoid. I know my ex's attacks aren't that consecutive (more like every two years: he contacted me and sent me that friend request when I was 16, hijacked my graduation at 18 and now sends his cousin at 20) but I can't help but think he's always there "keeping an eye on me" and planning his next move. I stopped accepting any friend requests because I'm afraid he will send someone for me, and if someone I already have on my friend list but idk texts me and after some small talks asks me about my life, I get paranoid and ask them why they wanna know and if they have some hidden intentions. Also, there's a mall near his house, and everytime I have to go there to buy something, I feel like crying because I'm afraid I'll stumble with him. I probably sound crazy. Some people may think I'm exaggerating and I should just let my ex stalk me and act all obsessed, but I feel dirty everytime I think about him knowing my personal stuff. It was just so traumatizing the first time. Do you get me? I feel like nobody gets me. Please help me, what can I do? I don't know how to make him stop, I'm tired of living in fear.

Not to start this off with an unrelated thought, but when did Tumblr get rid of its character limit on asks? I don’t think I’ve ever seen it let someone send in a message this long in one ask.

To get to your situation, I can definitely see why this would be a stressful and uncomfortable situation for you.  The first thing I would do is to stop interacting with your ex and people related to your ex.  You don’t owe his cousin anything.  Block both of their numbers, block their social media accounts, etc., and do that for everyone else who’s friends with your ex (or put them on limited profile/create a “close friends” list on social media).  Tell all of your friends in no uncertain terms that you don’t want them talking about you to your ex, even if it’s stuff that seems harmless, and cut those people off if they do talk to your ex about you.  

The other action you could take is to file a restraining order.  If you go down that route, you’ll have to fill out some forms and file them with the court, and then have a hearing with a judge where you explain your situation.  Then, you’ll have a second appearance in court where the stalker is present, and you both get the opportunity to explain the situation.  The judge will then determine the final order and the conditions of that order.  It can be a bit of an involved process, but it may give you some peace of mind.

The last thing I would suggest is going to therapy.  It seems like you’ve been through something traumatic, and a mental health professional can help you to work through that and move on from it.  There are many options for therapy, both online and in-person.  If you have health insurance, your insurance should cover at least some therapy sessions.  If not, some therapists provide services on a sliding-scale, and online services like BetterHelp can be less expensive than traditional therapy. 

#Anonymous #effys-closet #effys closet

[bonesandpoemsandflowers]

Hey! I am asking for advice. I fucked up a few years ago at the telling apart ghosts and gods and would rather not go through that again. Could you help me out? I really want to get back into it but that was a very bad experience so I'm anxious. Thank you!!

Anon, I love this question and if you're willing to drop some more details in my inbox, anon or not, please do. I'm sorry that you had such a bad experience, but take heart, maybe, that everybody does this at SOME point, and taking a few years off to process is actually a pretty snappy turnaround time.

(spooky occult people only pls)

(scroll along, the rest of you)

It IS a tricky question, though.

Tough love up front: there is no entirely safe, entirely pleasant way to do magic. Fundamentally magic is transformative and therefore often uncomfortable. There's fears and negative emotions to work through, and there's also just some straight up tedium and drudgery, and no matter how cool you are, no matter how sure you feel about your place in the grand scheme of the universe, you will eventually question everything and get some things wrong. There will not only always be risk: sooner or later there will be pain.

But! Is it worth it? ABSOLUTELY, anon, and I'm not gonna try to persuade you because if you're asking, you've already made up your mind. You just want to not make the same mistakes over again. You want to make brand new mistakes! It is the only way to move forward.

There is a difference between the merely uncomfortable and the truly dangerous, so ultimately it's a game of knowing when fear is a just a trial to get through versus when fear is a warning keeping you safe. The first time I tried to answer this question I made a quick list of protections, but that's not really the issue. You're wiser than that. You're asking about something diagnostic.

Discernment is the greatest occult skill and one that’s difficult to quantify. It's one of those paradoxes of inexperience, nigh impossible to hone without practice, yet a skill you need in order to get out there and practice.

whatever your prior experience was: what did you learn from it? what was the point where you started to feel something went wrong? identifying that moment, how it felt, how you felt it, will help you more than anything I or anyone else can tell you.

I am, honestly, not the best person to describe how to increase your psychic sensitivity or whatever. The good news, maybe, is that you don't have to be great at discernment before you start. Yes, you can put all your effort into sharpening your senses before you even go out there, which is a noble way of doing it and maybe it will eventually even work, OR—you can put on some safety gear and wade out into the swamp wearing your little floaties so that you don't sink.

Your metaphorical swimming wings here are protections and banishments and the preemptive assistance of something bigger than you on your side. This answer is mostly going to focus on that last part, because "ghosts and gods" implies, I think, that you are ready to work with gods, or at least eager, which is, like, at least half of the process.

However, even then, I do wanna say—while I don't want to discount your negative experiences at all! I don't know anything about them, but I'm sure it was awful!—you, all by yourself, can probably banish most ghostly things you're likely to run into. There's a lotta bark, and usually not that much bite. I wrote up some less formal banishing methods and posted them here on ye old witch blogge, but really, you can mostly just yell at stuff to leave.

(there is a fair amount of repetition between this post and that one! I apologize. I mostly typed these late at night over the course of several days)

Now! Assistance. An ounce of prevention vs a pound of cure and it’s good to pack light.

So much of magic across time and cultures is about negotiating with spirits of some flavor or another. Maybe it's worship or maybe it's bindings or maybe it's strictly transactional, but as beings made of flesh we are forever making pacts with beings made of something else, and hey, it usually works.

The complication here is that the distinction between ghosts and gods maybe isn't that simple. Mess with the wording a little and Catholic saints are basically both. And so are some orisha, some loa, and so on. Baron Samedi (lord of the cemetery, best bang since the big one, etc etc etc) in particular, out of the vodou pantheon, may or may not have been human once, depending on who you ask.

Further: the most readily available spooky occult forces you have are your ancestors. So you'd file that under ghosts, maybe, except that with ancestral veneration practices and all, we inch closer to god territory, in a sense. At least—the rituals start looking the same from an outside perspective. Santeria, Vodou, Epiritismo and many more practices that the ones I'm familiar with involve working with your ancestors to accomplish your worldly goals. We don't consider them ghosts when we work with them; that's not the word we use. But arguably—why not?

So the trick here isn't necessarily how to sort ghosts from gods as much as it is to hang out with some NICE (to you) ghosts and/or gods.

How do you do that?

If you have a good relationship with your ancestors, then you start there. If you, like me, or lots of other long disowned and disinherited magicians, have a disconnect there, then—welp. Consider getting over it by going back further in the family tree (this is what you will inevitably eventually do). Somewhere in there you have someone kind, I promise. But that's not advice I could have followed ten years ago, so I'll get to the alternative in a minute. Let's assume, for the moment, that you accept the logic that your ancestors have a vested interest in protecting their line, and in fact having an active magic user willing to work with them probably makes their afterlives much easier.

There's tons of guides online about how to work with your ancestors. I think sincere, unstructured prayer and a glass of water are the simplest and most powerful of offerings. A candle, if you have one. Just flipping on a lamp or a light switch if you don't.

(I travel with a little LED tealight and a mala made of skull beads carved from ox bone, but I am unnecessarily spooky and dramatic. If anything, my ancestors prefer the plain obsidian mala I first started with. But the aesthetic.)

I'm very, very informal in my ancestral practice. It still works.

Tell them you want to establish a working connection, talk to them about what's going on in your life. Keep it short and don't worry about whether or not you feel anything yet. It might take weeks before you feel something, and that's okay—discernment is, like I've said, the most important but also hardest skill, and it usually takes time and repetition. Offer them something—anything, really, and honestly the plain glass of water is traditional—and ask for their protection. They will almost certainly give it to you.

"But Flowers," you might say. "Fuck that and fuck 'em. I'm not ready to fuck with my family yet."

Alright, little one! I feel ya. It took me ages to warm up to the idea. I promise that it's worth it when you're ready, but having covered ghosts, let's move on to

GODS

Step one: ask yourself if you need to fuck around with gods in the first place.

Step two: fuck around and find out.

Step three varies depending on who you're looking for. There is a great deal of anxiety about this in occult circles, especially among people who use the term "baby witch." People are terrified of making the wrong choice. They want it to be PERFECT. They want to be correct. "Who is calling me?" ask a thousand seekers, across forums and places. "I saw a butterfly the other day. IS IT A SIGN?"

(shit, dude, I dunno, probably not, but potentially maybe. Nobody can know but you. just keep in mind that butterflies etc exist on their own and go around doing their own thing and this has absolutely nothing to do with you the vast majority of the time)

You don't need to be wait to be called by a god to offer worship and/or develop a working relationship. I would argue that most people aren't really called, and if you are, you will KNOW. Tumblr likes to say gods need consent and I think that's fucking hilarious. There is no folkloric precedent for that. If you are Called, capital letter Called, you will know, and whatever happens next is between you whatever bizarre shamanic experience you end up having, because you WILL have it, good luck.

But probably that's not the issue here! Moving on with our hypothetical.

You're not waiting around for divine intervention. You're being proactive. You're not waiting for The Call, or even a mild call. How do you choose what god you're petitioning for protection? I doubt you're entirely neutral about it. You probably have a god you identify with or just find really friggin cool. That's a fine and dandy place to start.

The working relationship need not be forever.

Which brings me to my next point. If you are absolutely undecided about what direction to go in, consider going to one of the liminal gods. Your crossroads gods, your messenger gods, often trickster gods. Your between spaces gods. Your portal opening gods.

In Santeria and Vodou, which I keep on referring back to because those are the systems I was raised in, your messenger gods get called very early on in the ritual. Why? To open the way for everybody else. There's a suggestion here that certain gods are closer or more easily reached, so if you want an opener—ask somebody with keys, yeah?

(also technically there's spirits called before then like the rhythm/dance/drums but let's not complicate things. Broadly speaking: key holding gods first)

Catholic saints wise, you've got Saint Peter, right? Santeria has Elegua. Vodou has Legba. Vodou also has the Baron as a crossroads god and yer liminal spaces god and sometimes he also has keys and hey by the way, he's really great, but where was I?

Hermes is another option. Mercury.

There's a bunch of American indigenous options I don't know enough about to confidently say.

SPEAKING of indigenous american, right, there's always Quetzalcoatl—technically—sky god, wind god, messenger god.

There's Odin and I'm actually a big fan, but the Norse magic community is often kind of garbage these days because we've got too many nazis running around, which is a shame.

My point is: there's gonna be somebody who feels close, either because of your cultural background or your aesthetic, and you might as well ask.

Settle down. Call their name. Offer water and a prayer and ask for protection, tell them what it is you want to do, ask for their help on this new life journey.

Worship isn't really complicated unless you want it to be.

Again, don't worry about "feeling" anything. Don't expect anything dramatic. Just offer something, every day or every week or whenever you have the time and headspace for it. Do the motions and mean it even a little bit and with time the rest shall come.

Because EVENTUALLY, you will feel something. It will probably be a mild sense of peace. The ritual feels calming. Something about it feels cozy. Presence is often subtle, but that counts.

Once you feel solidly good about your ritual, I would say that means you have at least some degree of protection, and it's time to wade around the swamp and see what's up. What do you do next? I dunno! I don't know what your goals are! But you have your ancestors at your back, or you're on a god team, or maybe BOTH—go explore!

Confidence isn't everything. But confidence, my friend, is a LOT. There's more to it, of course, but especially early on: fake it till you make it and dream it and you'll be it.

Best of luck, anon. <3

#ask box #occult only pls thx