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olichat-reads · 1 year

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Mrow | Part One

Bakugou x roomate!reader

Summary: you've gotten yourself into a quirk accident & were now..?? a cat??

A/n: if there's one thing i like about the mha universe is that the existence of quirks make up so many plot possibilities to play with. i had a lot of fun writing this & i hope you enjoy reading too!

🌟

You were a cat.

Your day most certainly could not get any weirder than this.

You were chasing after a petty thief down the alleyway when it happened. You almost felt bad for going after what could be the most skittish crime offender you've ever encountered.

Then she struck you with her quirk.

The force of it knocked you to the ground & your sight went blurry. You vaguely heard her apologized profusely, swearing it was an accident & stammering that you'll be able to figure out how to undo it on your own, leaving you to slowly black out.

When you came to, you found yourself absolutely drowning in a mass of clothes that you soon realized was your hero outfit. Horrified at the discovery, you looked down at your naked body only to find out you weren't exactly naked.

You were covered in fur.

Cursing out in confusion, you heard your own voice rang through the alleyway. But it didn't sound like your voice & what came out was most definitely not coherent words.

Panicked you scrambled to get out of the alley, almost plopping face first into what seemed to be a ridiculously huge puddle, barely catching yourself as you fell on your furry butt. Peering into the muddy water, you felt your heart sank at the sight of your own reflection.

You were a cat.

🌟

You've sat at your front door for approximately 15 minutes, glaring at the wood, willing it open with your mind.

You decided quickly that heading to your agency will do you no good, already concluding you aren't getting a productive two-way conversation with anyone while you were in this form. Trying to alert other pro heroes on your way did not work out, unless them cooing & making baby voices at you counted.

The familiar sound of heavy boots approaching your door made you perk up. Your roomate was home.

You padded aside to make way for your roomate to open the door, you little body slumping in relief. You didn't notice Bakugou skeptically raising an eyebrow at your presence but saying nothing otherwise.

The click of the door unlocking had you sighing inwardly. Ugh. Thank fuck. You thought as you padded in tiredly. Curling up in bed after the day you had the only thing on your mind.

You barely made it two steps in before your feet were no longer on the ground, making you squeal in surprise.

"Oi."

You heard your own angry mewls as Bakugou grabbed you by the scruff, holding you up to his face.

"Who the fuck do you think you are waltzing in like you own this place?"

You wanted to scream. You were too tired for this shit right now.

Oh my god. Bakugou! I do own this place. Its me! Y/n!

You tried explaining to no avail as you thrashed in his hold. Bakugou muttered something about you being 'a loud little fuck too' & started heading for the front door.

This made you bristle in irritation even more.

There was absolutely no way you were turned into a cat & getting kicked out of your own apartment on the same day. Not fucking happening.

The moment Bakugou dropped you off out the front door, you launched yourself onto his pant leg before he could close the door in your face, clinging on to dear life as the blonde yelped in surprise at feeling your little claws dig into the fabric of his sweatpants.

"Are you fucking kidding me??" He yelled, swinging he's leg around, jostling you with the movement, trying to get you off of him.

No! Thats my line, you bastard! Don't fucking kid with me!

You yelled profanities at him. All of which, to your dismay, came out as high pitched wails while Bakugou stumbled around as he tried to pry you off his leg while you held on with all your might. In his struggle, he bumped into the front door, cracking it open just a smidge. Seeing this opening you leaped off of him & made a mad dash inside, hearing your angry roomate shout after you. You dove for the living room sofa, barely wiggling your way through the narrow space underneath, only just escaping the angry blonde's grasp.

You heard Bakugou yelling at you to get out, to which you yelled right back at him- non-threatening little mewls be damned. You weren't standing for this bullshit.

Fuck.

There was no way of communicating with him like this. Where the fuck was a convinient scrabble board game when you needed one.

🌟

"Oi. Come out. You must be hungry. I got you food."

No! You'll try to throw me out again! Out of my own home may I add!

You heard Bakugou snicker at your yowls from under the sofa, making your tail puff up in annoyance.

"Calm down, brat. I won't throw you out. Promise. Just food."

You contemplated your options for a moment before relenting to his offer. Bakugou chuckled at the sight of you poking your head out of your hiding place, looking up at him with doubts written all over your furry face.

You watched him place two saucers by the table, one of steamed fish, the other filled with clean water before moving on to set his own meal & take a seat at the table. Trotting over nervously, you looked up at him one last time, just in case he was bluffing, only to have him roll his eyes at you. "Hurry up. My foods getting cold."

You tilt your head at that.

His food? Was he waiting for you to eat together?

You wanted to ask but your tummy growling & confirmation that you could hold Bakugou to his word had you making your way to your dishes. Plus your questions would only come out as mewls & squeals anyway so.

Sitting on your haunches you meowed out a 'thanks for the food' before digging in, making the blonde laugh.

"At least you have some manners for a feral little thing."

🌟

You didn't have time to worry about getting kicked out after dinner, having seemingly become the least of Bakugou's problems after a phonecall left him agitated & fidgety.

You watched Bakugou pace the living room back & forth, whilst holding his phone up to his ear, seemingly getting more & more frustrated by the minute as he grumbled under his breath ever time the call went to voicemail.

"Mrow?"

Bakugou barely acknowledged your presence with a glance before he's dialing the number again.

"She's not fucking answering."

Who?

"The other dumbass that lives here. She should've been home ages ago. Its getting dark."

Oh. Oh, he's worried about you.

Cursing under his breath at another voicemail, Bakugou muttered something about calling your agency again while you watched him barely contain his distress as he learns no one has seen you since your patrol.

"This fucking dumbass. Where the hell are you??" Bakugou growled while tugging on the boots of his hero outfit, the worry underlying his voice made your gut churn with guilt.

You scurried over to where he sat at the door, swiftly lacing up his boots. He paused when you meowed, peaking around his side.

Keeping your eyes on his, you tested the waters by perching up on his thigh, front paws on his tummy with those red eyes watching your every move. When Bakugou didn't push you off, you continued wiggling your way up his chest, his hand instinctively coming under your legs to support you.

Face to face with him, you see the distress on his face, the expression making your heart heavy. Pushing your little body on your hind legs, you bring a paw up to the wrinkles between his brows.

I'm right here, Bakugou. You mewled quietly.

The blonde huffed out a quiet laugh at that. "Whats with you? You're way too perceptive for a regular fluffball." You perk up at his words. Maybe he'd finally notice!

Thats 'cause I'm not a cat! Its me! Y/n!

To your dismay, he only chuckled at your frantic meows. "Alright, alright. I have to go now," he rumbled out with an amused grin overlaying his worry. He stood up slowly, picking you up in his large hands to set you on the ground. "M'bringing that idiot home so I can introduce ya. I'd bet she's gonna love ya."

You could only watch as Bakugou stepped out into the night to search for you, knowing he wouldn't find you out there tonight.

Part Two

#bakugou x reader #bakugou fluff #mha bakugou #bakugou katsuki #bakugo x reader #oliwrites #bakugou katuski x reader #mrow

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sillydestiny · 10 months

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Everlasting Serenade

Kim dokja x reader

fluff

kim dokja being your boyfriend..

At the onset of their relationship, Dokja's walls are high and impenetrable, a result of his past trauma. However, as he grows closer to the reader, he gradually learns to let down his guard, allowing them to see the vulnerable parts of himself. Their unwavering support and understanding become catalysts for Dokja's emotional growth, enabling him to become a more open and communicative partner.

Throughout the story, Dokja's commitment to the reader is evident in the sacrifices he makes. He puts their safety and well-being above all else, often taking on burdens and risks to protect them from harm. In the face of danger, Dokja's protective instincts kick in, driving him to devise strategic plans and make difficult decisions to ensure their survival.

As the reader's own role within the story evolves, Dokja embraces their individual growth. He recognizes their strengths and aspirations, providing unwavering support as they navigate their own path. Dokja becomes their confidant, offering guidance and a listening ear during moments of doubt or self-discovery.

Their relationship is not without its challenges. The immense pressure and life-or-death situations they encounter take a toll on both Dokja and the reader. They face moments of doubt, frustration, and even disagreements, but it is through open and honest communication that they navigate these obstacles. They learn to lean on each other, finding solace and strength in their shared connection.

In moments of respite, Dokja and the reader cherish the small joys they can find amidst the chaos. A stolen moment of laughter, a gentle touch, or a heartfelt conversation become precious reminders of the love they share. These quiet interludes provide a reprieve from the hardships they face and reinforce their bond, grounding them in the present moment.

As the story nears its climax, Dokja's growth as a boyfriend becomes palpable. He recognizes that the reader is not just a passive character in his story but a fully realized individual with their own desires and agency. Dokja learns to trust the reader's choices, allowing them to shape their own destiny, even if it means facing uncertainty and danger.

In the end, Dokja's transformation into an exceptional boyfriend is rooted in his unwavering commitment to the reader's happiness and well-being. Together, they weather the storms of the story, emerging stronger and more resilient. Their love becomes a beacon of hope amidst the chaos, a reminder that even in the face of adversity, a genuine and nurturing connection can thrive.

#orv x reader #omniscient reader's viewpoint #omniscient reader #orv #omniscient reader x reader #kdj x reader #kim dokja x reader #manhwa #manhwa x reader

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anonymouspuzzler · 8 months

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awright who let puzz play psychonauts again and start Thinking

It Never Ends! I am once again thinking about Psychonauts and specifically thinking about Loboto. Even More Specifically, I replayed the first game Yet Again recently and on hitting the scene where Loboto removes Dogen’s brain, had a moment of “huh, he’s like, way more measured and composed than I remembered,” and God Help Me that sent me on a horrible unending spiral of Revisiting and Thinking About and Theorizing On Things. And Now You Must All Read My Discoveries As Well. (placed under readmore because 1) this is gonna get long and 2) my god there will be major spoilers for Every Psychonauts Game.)

Welcome To The Thunderdome. Let’s Begin. In particular I am going to present to and discuss with you Three Distinct Things I Am Thinking About Loboto Based On In-Game Evidence That I Will Extrapolate, Present, and Argue To You All:

Cal’s childhood lobotomy did not, in fact, remove his psychic powers, only cut off his ability to consciously access and utilize them. He is still unconsciously using psychic abilities at the point that we see him in the games.

One of the most prominent impacts of the lobotomy on Cal appears to be his inability to recognize when he is doing harm, and to a certain related degree, how to interpret other peoples’ responses to him. When Raz helps recover his “moral compass”, Loboto actually becomes significantly more unstable as he struggles to process this, having likely gone most of his life without these capabilities.

Both of the above are causing some variant of Mental Projection to occur in Loboto’s mind, creating multiple conflicting archetypes/personas similar to what’s happening in Cassie’s mind.

So let’s go through each of these one by one! In excruciating detail!!

1) Cal’s childhood lobotomy did not, in fact, remove his psychic powers, only cut off his ability to consciously access and utilize them. He is still unconsciously using psychic abilities at the point that we see him in the games.

So for this one, we’re going to go through my evidence from “most textual” to “a little more speculative” in roughly that order. Obviously, none of this is explicit, but I’m doing my damndest to use things that can be fairly reasonably cited from Actual In Game rather than too deep in fanon/speculation.

The most textual example of Loboto having lingering psychic abilities despite his lobotomy is, in fact, his mental world in Psychonauts 2! This is something that’s a little more obvious on a rewatch/replay.

When you’re going through the game/level the first time, Sasha especially spends a lot of time discussing how Loboto’s mind must have been booby-trapped and messed with by his employer, because otherwise Loboto wouldn’t be able to resist the construct and otherwise give the agents the degree of run-around he’s putting them through. On a first playthrough, that makes perfect sense, especially when this plus additional evidence leads the agents to conclude Loboto’s employer was a mole within the Psychonauts itself. Obviously, a psychic from the agency messed with Loboto’s head and left all these psychic booby-traps for their coworkers!

But once you reach the end of the game and go back and look at this again, you realize, hey, wait. Loboto’s boss wasn’t a psychic at all! Quite explicitly!

Now I’m going to take a moment to argue against my own argument here, because there is evidence that Gristol would have been able to psychically fuck with Loboto despite not having psychic abilities himself.

[Image ID: A screenshot from a cutscene in Psychonauts 2, showing the receptionist at the Motherlobe levitating a ThinkerPrint Reader (a small brain-shaped disc with a blue glowing eye symbol in the middle). End ID.]

We see in-game that these little brain-disc-things - which Gristol would have had access to via Truman, since Truman has one on his person - are able to provide some limited degree of psychic power even to people who don’t otherwise have those abilities. Namely, the front desk receptionist is able to telekinetically lift one and scan Raz with it when he arrives, despite dialogue later on suggesting she isn’t a psychic herself. It’s entirely possible Gristol used that to fuck with Loboto’s head and place all those psychic booby traps.

But ho ho!! Now I’m going to counter-argue this counter-argument, to get you all back on board with my original argument!! Because despite this possibility, it’s also pretty textual that Gristol is a fuck-up who’s not very good at planning. The entirety of Psychonauts 2 is a display of him not really having any back-up plans for any possible hiccups in his original plan (as soon as Lili reveals a boyfriend he didn’t know about, his response is Fake A Coma), and of said plan being undone mostly by his own sloppy work (shipping his own body back to the base in a poorly-taped box with a key to his former residence in his pockets). The thought of this same man having the capability and foresight to set up numerous highly effetive psychic booby-traps in the brain of his hired help, just in case that hired help got captured and psychically interrogated… it doesn’t feel likely.

(Now that I write it all out, in a lot of ways it feels like Gristol just… forgot about-slash-disregarded Loboto after he did the dirty work of kidnapping Truman and swapping the brains. Like, he only appears once in Gristol’s Big Special Mind-Ride of his Brilliant Plan, at the very end, in a barely-held-together-backroom type of area, and Gristol never so much as brings him up by name. Heck, in retrospect, I wouldn’t be surprised if Gristol deciding to Play Coma was equally as prompted by Guy Who Knows Everything, Who He Completely Disregarded and Left For Dead, falling out of a luggage rack unexpectedly right in front of him and Five Guys He's Trying To Fool Into Thinking He's Normal All The Time Truman. This is all totally off the topic at hand, though.)

Anyway! So Gristol being able to do anything significant and sophisticated vis-a-vis “psychic traps in Loboto’s mindscape” is wildly unlikely. While there’s still other possible explanations - Gristol maybe having other psychics in his employ in the Delugianaries or secret police, for example - that’s purely speculative and not supported by the text in any kind of reasonably-explicit way, which is what I’m trying to focus on for the purposes of this argument. Hey, you know what is explicit in the text, though? Loboto once having psychic powers, to a degree that he was using telekinesis Very Capably as a Literal Infant. That, combined with all the above evidence (plus other circumstantial stuff we’ll get into in a second), means the most likely answer to “how is Loboto resisting the agents and the mental construct?” is “his psychic powers are still There, and acting subconsciously to protect Loboto in this situation, even though he’s no longer able to access and use those powers by conscious effort”.

Now let’s get to evidence of a “still textual, but not as compelling” flavor. For this, we’re going to go back to the original Psychonauts, and also touch on Rhombus of Ruin a bit.

As some of y’all probably remember from messing around in the original game, because there’s still some of that point-and-click inventory flavor, you can try to use the psycho-portal on characters that don’t have mental worlds, and you’ll get some flavor text explaining in some form or another why you can’t do that. This includes Crispin (you get a note from Loboto saying he’s protected “his patient” from psychic procedures, Haha Hey Man Uhhh How Did Y), Sheegor, and most pressingly for this line of argument, Loboto himself, who claims his shower cap is protecting his mind from being entered.

This Is All Well and Good until Literally The Next Day In-Universe when his mind is able to be entered. Twice, in fact. Please recall that the start of Psychonauts 2 is, at a stretch, maybe a few hours after Rhombus of Ruin. (“Haha well Puzz clearly they just retconned it so they could do a Loboto mental world–” no. That’s not Fun and it’s not Text. This overthinking-ass essay is about Engaging With The Text As It Stands.)

So what’s different about the first time Raz (et all) attempts to enter Loboto’s mind (in the original game) and the second-slash-third time (during and after Rhombus of Ruin)? Nothing that would particularly have an impact, except for one big thing: in the latter cases, Loboto is either “immediately in the presence of” or “has just barely left the immediate presence of” Like A Lot Of Psilirium. You Know. The Rock That Dampens Psychic Powers. Which leads me to believe Loboto’s psychic powers are still active, just in an unconscious way (protecting him from psychic invasion without him even realizing it) instead of in a way he has to consciously act on.

Now, why am I categorizing this as less compelling evidence than Loboto resisting the mental construct later on? Because unlike that case, there actually is a reasonable, textual alternative to the answer of “yeah Loboto’s still unconsciously psychic”. The answer is named Coach Morceau Oleander.

Unlike Gristol, Oleander has a lot going for him on the level of “could fuck with Loboto’s mind a bit to put up some psychic defenses”. For one, Oleander is a psychic, and despite everything, a highly trained and very powerful one. (Like, much as he’s kind of a goofy fuck-up, Oleander’s also implied to have been an agent for at least as long as Sasha and Milla, and he’s able to hold his own in a fight against both of them at once - it literally takes Ford flying in and de-braining him to win that confrontation.) Two, we already have textual evidence of Oleander messing with people’s brains to his own ends, in the form of both Linda (though in some ways that could loop back around to supporting Loboto Is Still Psychic, since he seems to have had some degree of a hand in that) and more prominently, poor ol’ Boyd. If he was able to do that much involuntarily with Boyd, it doesn’t seem out of the question for him to hop in and put up some psychic defenses for more voluntary subjects like Crispin and Loboto. It would also make sense for those defenses to either wear down or wear off once Loboto was in the presence of Psilirium, thus continuing to explain why Loboto’s protected in the first game but not in any of the games following.

So - taken on its own, not particularly decisive evidence. In combination with the much-stronger “resisting the mental construct” example, though, I’d say it presents a pretty strong case.

Now comes my most tenuous and speculative example. This is about as much as a stretch I’m going to let myself go with any of these - a case of “well you can extrapolate this from the text provided, I guess, even if it never says it explicitly to any kind of degree”.

Ladies, gentlemen, and those rightfully opting out. It is time to talk about Loboto’s Fucking Prosthetic.

[Image ID: A full rotation of Loboto’s “Monstroboto” character model, which shows him shirtless with the full prosthetic right arm visible. It is attached to his torso with several straps and has a single visible hinge at the elbow.]

Look at this thing. This is a fucking mannequin arm with a pepper grinder on it. How Is This Thing Able To Operate With Any Kind of Sophistication Without Telekinesis. Like, the man is gesticulating and grabbing objects and tapping his little knife fingers, how in the Hell.

There’s a lot of reasons this is tenuous evidence at best. For one, we only get this super clear view of the entire prosthetic construction inside Loboto’s mind, which means it’s extremely possible it’s abstracted, metaphorical, or an abstracted metaphor in one form or another. (I don’t interpret Loboto’s exposed brain as textual in the “real world” for this reason - we only ever see it exposed in his mental worlds, and in both cases in a scenario where him having an exposed brain under the cap serves some kind of symbolic/metaphorical purpose - but for several reasons, the prosthetic feels more grounded in reality despite this. Anyway, that’s all a tangent regardless.) There could also be hidden mechanics that allow it to move the way it does, or it could just be an abstraction of the art style (though again, I’m trying not to let out-of-story things like that be answers to these questions). But it’s really hard to imagine the Hinged Peppermill With Claws having the range of movement it does without Loboto unconsciously moving it with telekinesis.

For that matter, I feel similarly about his eye lenses - we see them moving around independently, zooming in and out without him touching them, and so on, and like… how? How?? Maybe it’s just that I’m not biomechanically minded-slash-informed, but “yeah he’s just moving them psychically without realizing” does feel like a more viable answer than any alternatives, if not one with a ton of super obvious and textual evidence behind it. Once again, though, in combination with other evidence, it does have more weight behind it.

In summary: Loboto’s able to resist psychic interference, actively fight back against trained Psychonauts in his own mind, and move his various prosthetics and augments in highly refined ways. All these things, especially taken all together, make the most sense if you assume his psychic powers are still acting subconsciously, and he’s just not able to consciously access and use them in the ways he did pre-lobotomy.

2) One of the most prominent impacts of the lobotomy on Cal appears to be his inability to recognize when he is doing harm, and to a certain related degree, how to interpret other peoples’ responses to him. When Raz helps recover his “moral compass”, Loboto actually becomes significantly more unstable as he struggles to process this, having likely gone most of his life without these capabilities.

This is going to be a little less “I cite direct evidence in support of my argument” and more “I point out specific scenes and instances of behavior, how I’m interpreting them, and why I’m interpreting that way”. Hopefully you will stick with me here.

So, as I stated waaaay back at the start of this, what set me off on this whole journey was going back through some of the original Psychonauts cutscenes, seeing Loboto in action, and going, “Woah, hey, he’s like way more measured than I remembered him being”. So let’s go into more detail on that and unpack it a bit!!

There’s a consistent and distinct pattern of behavior Loboto exhibits in his scenes in the first game: screeching, in-your-face Mad Scientist rambling, and then suddenly, these dips into like… oddly quiet, composed, weirdly Professional (if decidedly eccentric) behavior. The cutscenes with Dogen are a really good example - he has his big INSANITY OF A MANATEE THIS WILL ONLY HURT TILL YOUR BRAIN COMES FLYING OUT speech, but in-between and especially after that, he kind of quiets down and starts acting like an Actual Slightly Eccentric Dentist. (In fact, here’s the full transcript of the scene that sent me down this whole rabbit-hole, for context:

Dr. Loboto: Oh, good boy! There's that pesky brain. Here's a tissue. Now don't you feel better, my dear lad? Dogen: [Now brainless] TV..? Dr. Loboto: Of course! Right here. [Loboto picks up Dogen's brain off the floor.] And THIS bad tooth, we'll just drop it in the ol' garbage chute. Now don't chew solid foods for the next six hours!

It really knocked me off balance seeing it, so I made a point of going and watching the full Lili’s bracelet clairvoyance cutscene in full, to see if he behaved similarly there. And he didn’t! He’s full Mad Scientist Haha Crazy there, the entire time!! I had to think on it for a while, and I realized there was one major difference - Lili continues to be defiant and difficult in conversation the entire time, while Dogen responds pretty calmly and doesn’t start freaking out until it’s clear His Brain Will Be Removed, which is also when Loboto starts going more Mad Scientist again. (Again, below’s the full transcript of the Lili scene for context.)

Dr. Loboto: Well, I've reviewed your chart, little girl. The bad news is, we're going to have to remove your brain... strap it into an armored battle tank, and have it shoot down innocent civilians with its concentrated psychic death beam! Lili: I'm gonna kill you so much. Dr. Loboto: The good news is that your insurance is going to cover the whole thing. So! ... Hey, is it getting warm in here? Lili: No, I'm trying to set you on fire through this stupid hat! Dr. Loboto: What a delightfully mean little brain you have! Just what we want! Here, do me a favor. Tell me if this smells like... YOUR DOOM! Heh heh! Lili: I-I can't smell anything. Dr. Loboto: Curses! [Lili laughs at him] You're a stubborn little ball of phlegm, ain't ya? Well, that head cold won't protect you forever, little girl, and when it's gone you'll be sneezing a different tune. A tune in the key of... brains! HAAA HA HA!

His last big cutscene with Sheegor really hammers everything home. He’s full Mad Scientist again, he’s screaming and experimenting and Actively Threatening and Tormenting Her the entire time. Then Sheegor leaves and just, measured and nonchalant as anything: “When you're a dentist, you have to learn to have a sense of humor, you know. It helps to calm the patient down.” (It’s also worth noting a lot of the torment, at least to me, comes off as kinda “dipshit older sibling who commits to the bit of teasing Way Way Past where it’s all in good fun for the younger sibling”. Like he just keeps Going and Playfully Backing Off and then Actually Still Going. It’s so awful it loops around to being funny again. I'm so so sorry Sheegor I love you and you don't deserve this but I am laughing)

I think Loboto really, unironically, genuinely thinks this is what he’s doing in all these situations. He’s a dentist, he’s got all these difficult patients around, so he’s going to joke with them! A bit of friendly teasing and playing up his eccentric behavior to get them to calm down for the procedure! At the point where all this is happening, I think he’s genuinely incapable of comprehending-slash-accepting that he’s actually doing harm and that they’re actually, rightfully scared of him. Not in a like “oh uwu he didn’t know he did anything bad he’s just a nice guyyyy” way, but in a “his brain is literally, textually, physically damaged in such a way that he cannot comprehend this” way. As far as he can tell, he’s doing some freelance dentistry (plus or minus a few things, you know how it is when you’re doing work-for-hire type stuff, you never know what the client’s gonna ask you for) and sometimes he’s gotta joke around when he gets a patient that’s nervous or difficult. All in good fun!

Then, of course, we get Rhombus of Ruin and the mental compass. If you’ve played or watched that game, you know all this already. Raz recovers the mental compass from the vault and Loboto’s demeanor completely shifts again. He recognizes aloud, for the first time since we’ve been introduced to him, that he has done Horrible Things. (We will see him continuing to do this in his level in Psychonauts 2, but we’ll get to that.) He seems, very genuinely, saddened and horrified with himself as he says all this. Raz has very literally reintroduced Physical-Slash-Psychic Capacity To Recognize Harm to Loboto’s brain. Given what we learn about Loboto’s past here, it is very much possible that this is the first time he has had this capability since he was a very young child.

Another thing that happens is, in rapid succession, Loboto chooses to Immediately Make Reconciliatory Actions (releasing the Psychonauts, telling the fish henchmen to leave), and then also Blow The Building Up Right Now. For No Clear Reason. For Zero Benefit, In Fact, The Opposite Of Benefit, He Also Has to Frantically Escape This Now. It’s completely illogical, erratic behavior that’s in conflict with itself. And that pattern… kind of stays consistent from that point out, actually! Almost his entire appearance in 2 is him very literally arguing with himself, acting in erratic and conflicting ways - pretty much going to the Psychonauts for protection and redemption yet also actively giving them the run-around and preventing them from finding his boss; alternately trying to connect with or get pity from the agents, then being aggressive or insulting towards them, then being kind of playfully, teasingly antagonistic at worst. While Raz reintroducing his moral compass is probably objectively a good thing for Loboto in the long run, in the short-term having that level of major, major change in his damaged brain seems to have significantly destabilized his behavior and sense of identity (we’ll get into that in just a moment) in ways that make him much less predictable and more erratic compared to how he was pre-RoR.

In summary: Loboto at the time of the original Psychonauts is eccentric and dangerous, but he’s also consistent and stable in his behavior and identity, acting consistently as a freelance dentist who plays up his eccentricity, teasing or otherwise joking around in an effort to “calm down” his “patients”. It’s likely he’s physically unable to comprehend that he’s doing harm and scaring people, due to the brain damage from his childhood lobotomy. Raz reintroducing his moral compass in Rhombus of Ruin fixes this, but makes Loboto much more unstable and unpredictable as he grapples both with the harm he’s done over the years, and with trying to suddenly live with a brain function he hasn’t had for most of his life.

3) Both of the above are causing some variant of Mental Projection to occur in Loboto’s mind, creating multiple conflicting archetypes/personas similar to what’s happening in Cassie’s mind.

In connection with the above, It’s Time To Talk About the Multiple Lobotos.

[Image ID: A screenshot from Psychonauts 2, showing two Lobotos in his mental world - one in bright light sitting in a dentist chair on the right side, the other standing in the shadows on the left. End ID.]

Every time we see Loboto’s mental world, there are multiple distinct, individual, and simultaneous versions of Loboto Himself in operation. Not different and distinctly individual personalities, like Fred and Napoleon. Not separated alter-egos representing a part of oneself, like Edgar and El Odio, or Bob and Turnip-Bob. Not even fragmented personalities that appear one at a time, like the different versions of Ford. There are multiple versions of Loboto that are Just A Loboto - literally the most different they get is “one time one of them pretended to be a whaler” - operating at the same time as each other, in the same scenes as each other, interacting with each other, sometimes in direct opposition to each other. There is only one other place in the entire series where we see this happening.

[Image ID: A screenshot from Psychonauts 2, showing the “librarian” Archetype of Cassie O’Pia tearing up a book with Raz on the left side and her three other Archetypes on the right. End ID.]

THAT’S RIGHT BABY AFTER ALL THESE YEARS I FINALLY RETROACTIVELY FOUND AN EXPLANATION FOR THE CALLY O’PIA AU anyway where was I. Yeah.

The way the different versions of Cal operate in his mind and interact with each other is more similar to Cassie’s Archetypes than anything else we see in anyone else’s minds. The only major differences are “Loboto’s Archetypes aren’t flat paper illustrations” (and I think it’s remarkably easy, even reasonable, to assume that’s a Cassie-specific stylization that Raz only retains because Cassie directly teaches him and he’s thus using her Archetypes as a reference point - Cassie’s a writer; what reason would everyone else in the world have to render their Archetypes as if they were illustrations in a book?) and “Loboto doesn’t refer to or treat the other versions of himself as Archetypes” (of course he doesn’t, I don’t see any reason or scenario where he could have reasonably learned about Archetypes, in either a psychological or psychic sense - he literally does not have the knowledge or the language to do this). Honestly, interpreting the different Lobotos as different Archetypes explains a lot about how they act, what they’re doing in Loboto’s mind and why they’re in the parts of the story they are. I am going to talk about each individual version of Loboto and what I think they’re doing Archetype-wise based on the text now, because none of you can stop me.

Psychonauts 2 Loboto #1, AKA Patient Loboto: This guy, and Psychonauts 2 Loboto #2, tie in the most to the above discussion on Loboto becoming more outwardly unstable after recovering his mental compass, and so I’m going to refer back to and expand on that with the both of them. This Loboto is explicitly the one we see in the patient chair during those cutscenes in his level, the one we see speaking to Raz directly in the poster hall section, and I would argue he’s likely the version we see at the very start of the level in the office construct (or at the very least, he's the one "running" Loboto at that point, in the same way the Librarian is "running" Cassie when we first meet her). He’s the version of Loboto we see most blatantly grappling with the return of his mental compass - he regrets the things he’s done in the past, he’s seems to be vying to connect with the agents on some level, he’s genuinely upset about being tricked and about being unable to tell Raz what’s up with his boss. This puts him in direct conflict with…

Psychonauts 2 Loboto #2, AKA Doctor Loboto: This guy is also the result of Loboto’s Newfound Ability To Recognize Morals, but in the opposite direction. He’s the one who’s fully embracing the identity he’s built as an amoral mad-scientist-for-hire, figuring he’s better off just continuing the path he’s already on and disregarding the new knowledge that It’s Wrong, rather than go through all the trouble and misery and Active Risk To Self of trying to Be Redeemed. Basically, he’s the one looking at OG Psychonauts version of Loboto and going What If We Just Went Back To That Actually. Fuck Character Development. He is, obviously, the one we see as the dentist in the cutscenes in Loboto’s level, as well as pretty textually the one who grabs Raz from behind the painting in Lili’s section.

Monstroboto: Back to RoR now! This one’s pretty textual as well - this the uncontrolled, untethered, don’t-know-or-care-if-it-hurts-someone version of Loboto. (As I type this, I realize it’s worth noting, this version of Loboto is very obviously “playing” as he attacks, in the same way I observed Psychonauts 1 Loboto having a playful tone to his antagonism, as if he’s not recognizing that he’s actively hurting and terrifying people while doing so. All his attacks are either that, or actively retaliatory. I'm Simply Saying I Can Read Some Subtext.) Between that and the exposed brain, it’s pretty obvious this is representing the post-lobotomy Loboto (how he sees himself? How he thinks others see him? All that’s speculation, mine friends…) - wreaking havoc on Loboto’s ability to engage with other parts of himself and develop a fully fledged mindscape.

First Mate Loboto: This one’s a little more speculative and could mean a lot of things, but bear with me. As above, this could well be the part of Loboto that wants to distance himself from what he became after the lobotomy - whether that means ignoring it entirely and trying to go back to how things were “before”, or more likely, based on his dialogue, trying to move on and grow past it; “sail for new waters”, in his own words. It’s also possible he’s something of Loboto’s idealized self - he’s just as eccentric and dramatic as the real deal, but at least more theoretically heroic and adventurous - and/or, tying into a lot of the themes of the RoR version of Loboto’s mind, kind of a childish “what I want to be when I grow up” version of himself. (We see lots of nautical themes in Loboto’s childhood, after all, with the sea life toys and the little sailor boy outfit and all; while it’s certainly speculative, it’s not a huge leap to think little Loboto might have wanted to grow up to be like, a sailor or something of that ilk.)

Young Loboto: This one’s pretty obvious; he’s very literally the Inner Child. (You Know. Like Psychology.) Just like Li’l Oly in Oleander’s mind, this is the part of Cal who was Very Hurt when he was Very Young and has never had the means or opportunity to process it - he’s just stuck in that mental vault, buried away, playing out what he’s experienced over and over and over again as a helpless, outside observer. (I think it’s Very telling that Raz releasing the vault and, in essence, establishing a connection between Inner Child Loboto and the other parts of himself is what restores Loboto’s ability to use his moral compass.)

So, in total, we’ve got five distinct Lobotos in play through what we see: Inner Child, First Mate, Monstroboto, Patient and Doctor. And, in a case very similar to what we see of Cassie’s Archetypes, each of these versions of him are a result of a Very Specific Point in his life and a subsequent need to fulfill a Very Specific Purpose for his continued functioning and survival. The Inner Child is, well, Loboto As A Child (and less literally, the version of him that’s kind of holding on to his trauma so the rest of the versions of him don’t necessarily have to reckon with it); Monstroboto is what’s taken over post-lobotomy; First Mate is what he either Wanted or Wants to be and isn’t because of said lobotomy; and Patient and Doctor are the two options he has post-recovering his moral compass, either continuing on the path he’s already on, or abandoning it for the hard road of Trying To Be Better.

And again, much like Cassie, none of those Archetypes on their own are getting the job done on their own. Doctor and Monstroboto are extremely destructive and don’t seem much able to form meaningful relationships because of it, Patient is an erratic coward who’s constantly miserable and collapsing under the weight of What He’s Done, Inner Child is a Child, and First Mate is a cartoon character. It’s very likely that a theoretical healthier, more functional version of Loboto would have to reconcile these different Archetypes the same way we eventually see Cassie do, or at the very least get them on terms where they’re not Actively Opposing Each Other At All Times.

In summary: Loboto has multiple Archetypes active in his mind the same way Cassie does, and much like Cassie, the Archetypes being in conflict with each other plays a major role in his instability, especially post-RoR. Again like Cassie, it’s likely Loboto would have to reconcile his different archetypes - especially the ones in direct conflict, as we see in his mind in Psychonauts 2 - in some form or another to become more mentally stable.

SO IN CONCLUSION, I hope this Rambling Essay and Cited Evidence has convinced you all that:

Loboto is still psychic, but his powers only manifest unconsciously, and he isn’t able to use them by conscious choice as when he was a child. (Whether or not it’s possible for him to eventually re-access those powers consciously is very much a “your guess is as good as mine” situation - Loboto's the only lobotomized psychic we see in the series, and no other in-game sources on the history or results of the practice.)

Regaining his moral compass for the first time since childhood makes Loboto behave significantly more erratically and unpredictably, in no small part because–

Loboto has several mental Archetypes in direct conflict with each other, especially after regaining his moral compass.

What does all this mean? I’m gonna be honest. I don’t know. I just wanted to get all this out of my head. Now it lives in yours instead. Have fun!!

#anonymous puzzler writes #long post #like really long. like REALLY long. i'm so sorry I hope tumblr cuts it properly for all your sakes.#psychonauts #caligosto loboto #psychonauts spoilers #psychonauts 2 spoilers #rhombus of ruin spoilers #tw medical abuse #ask if you need anything else tagged y'all ty!#god help me i just needed this all Out Of My Head. This Is How I Live Out Here

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jerzwriter · 25 days

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BOOPED!

Carolina's phone would not stop "bleeping"! But when a friend helps her get to the bottom of it, she and Trystan are in for some startling discoveries about each other.

Book Boop: Crimes of Passion (post Book 2) Pairing: Trystan Thorne x Carolina Rose (F!MC) Characters: Luke Watanabe Summary: See above Rating: Teen Words: 2.150 A/N: All right, so I may have been a total party-pooper with the "boops," but that got me thinking how my OTPs would have handled them... and that led me here! I hope you enjoy it! Participating in @choicesaprilchallenge24 - prompt - "You're not going to believe what I just found."

*Bleep*

The utter silence of the Ginovesi Detective Agency’s offices was rattled each time Carolina’s phone “bleeped.” Trystan eyed the phone warily, glancing between it and Carolina every time it went off. For a woman who demanded complete silence when they were focusing on a case, she was doing her best to ignore it, but Trystan knew it was only a matter of time...

“¡Ay, Dios mío!” she cried out... and there it was. “¿Qué carajo es esto?”

Taking the phone in hand, she frantically tapped away at it, but the bleeps kept pouring in, and with each new arrival, Trystan watched as his girlfriend became more unhinged. “¿Qué es esta mierda?”

That’s when Luke entered the mix. Slinking into the office with his hands nonchalantly stuffed in his pockets, he slouched into a chair with a half smile.

“Oh no. I heard nothing but Spanish coming out of you from way down the hall. This can’t be good.”

“It’s not!” Carolina spat as Trystan debated whether her frustration was utterly adorable or good cause for him to evacuate the office as quickly as possible. “I can’t get this fucking thing to stop bleeping!”

There were many things Trystan could have said or done, but as was often the case for the former prince, he reclined in his chair and chose chaos.

“It seems one of her former suitors isn’t taking the hint and won’t let go easily,” he smirked. “While I may no longer be a monarch, I still have some pull. One phone call to Lydea, my love, and I will have that man relieved of his testicles. Give me a name and number,” he winked. “I assure you, the bleeps will stop within the hour.”

Carolina glared at him with anger in her eyes, but despite her desire to remain cross, his stupid grin managed to do her in.

“Bold of you to assume it’s a he, your highness,” she derided. “There is a far greater likelihood that it would be a she. So, someone will be deprived the pleasure of performing an orchiectomy today.”

“An orchiectomy...” Luke queried, pulling up Google on his phone, but Trystan pushed it aside.

“Spare yourself the pain, man. It’s the art of relieving someone of their balls.”

“Ouch!” Luke shuddered. “Of course, I can see how the inability to do that would cause some Drakovian guard to fall into a deep depression, but still... ouch."

Trystan turned back to Carolina with a shrug. “It’s OK, love. They can remove body parts from women as well.”

“That’s so good to know,” she laughed. “But I’m afraid this isn’t as salacious as a spurned lover trying to get me to bend to their will.”

“Then what is it?” Trystan asked. “Your phone’s been going off all day, and I’ve never heard that notification tone before.”

“It’s,” she began, stopping herself as four curious eyes stared at her, eager for a response. “It’s... nothing. I’ll just turn the sound off my phone.”

“GASP!” Luke mocked. “During work hours! When you could potentially miss... something?”

It would have ended there for Luke, but Trystan wasn't done. Realizing something was amiss, he closely watched his love, not about to let her off the hook.

“Why don’t you just turn notifications off? What’s so embarrassing? Is it... Facebook?” he chuckled.

Carolina was an animal entrapped in a corner, desperate for an escape, but when it became clear that none existed, she surrendered. Burying her face into her hands with a languid groan... she confessed.

“I freaking wish! It’s .... worse!”

“Worse than Facebook?” Luke said with feigned horror. “What is it? Your old OKCupid app?”

“No!” Carolina said, throwing a pencil his way.

“Your old FarmersOnly account!!!”

“What?” Trystan snickered.

“I didn’t have a FarmersOnly account! Well, I did... but it was just a joke to frighten Uncle Tommy! Besides, I deleted that long ago!”

Trystan turned to Luke in confusion. “What... what’s FarmersOnly?”

“That’s unimportant, “Carolina interrupted. “It’s... it’s my Tumblr. I haven’t used it for longer than I can remember; I didn't even know it was still on my phone. But I’ve gotten like seven hundred notifications today, and I have no idea why!”

“So,” Luke shrugged. “Turn the notifications off.”

“I can’t! I forgot my password... and before you say it, I don’t remember what e-mail I created the account with. So I can’t reset it.”

“So,” Luke shrugged again. “Just delete the app! Problem solved.”

“But the detective in me needs to figure this out," she sighed. "Who knows why this is happening? When I go home tonight, I’ll try to remember what e-mail accounts I had circa 2016. Maybe I can figure it out.”

“It was probably something like myglitteringlittlenyyankeepony@ yahoo.com or something like that,” Luke laughed.

“More like [email protected],” she tittered.

“Dear Lord,” Trystan groused. "Both sound dreadful, but can we circle back to something potentially even more embarrassing? You had a Tumblr account?”

“Oh, shut up!” Carolina defended. “It was 2016! All the cool kids had a Tumblr account!”

“I didn’t,” Luke announced.

“I said cool,” Carolina retorted. Still, Trystan was undeterred.

“What on earth did you use your Tumblr account for? Were you in a fandom?”

He had intended to let it go, but when Carolina’s cheeks turned brighter than any apple he ever witnessed in a Cordonian orchard, he knew the quest was just beginning. Raising a brow in wicked delight, he teased. “Yesssss....”

“I was into Divergent,” she said, raising her hands. “Big fan... The Hunger Games, too.”

“All right,” Trystan nodded with a smile. “I can see that....”

But now it was Luke’s turn to incite, “Really? Because I could have sworn you once told me you used to write fanfiction for Princess Di.....”

“Obviously, you’re mistaken!” Carolina shouted. “Katniss! Katniss x Peeta, my OTP! That’s why I was on Tumblr!”

“Wait,” Trystan interrupted. “Princess Di? Were you into Princess Diana?”

“No,” Carolina spat. “Luke is just losing his mind, that’s all!”

“Oh, come now, princess,” Luke chided. “Is this the foundation you want to build your relationship on? A throne of lies?”

“No,” Trystan smiled gleefully. “Thrones of lies are bad. Very bad."

“I believe they are,” Luke chuckled. "I'm sorry, Carolina. It’s confession time.”

Trystan slunk over to Carolina’s side, playfully nudging her with his shoulder. “Time’s up, dear. Tell me the truth, or I’ll have to employ ancient Drakovian torture measures to get you to speak!"

“Yeah! And not the kinky ones you’re into!” Luke grinned.

“Fine,” Carolina exhaled with disgust, her voice barely a whisper. “I was very into... The Princess Diaries."

Trystan’s lips began to curl, the dimple in his cheek becoming more pronounced. “I’m sorry... what?”

“The Princess Diaries! OK!! I used to love The Princess Diaries!”

“In 2016!” Luke scoffed. “Weren’t those movies popular in like... 2004?”

"So?! I was a little behind the times. I was a nerd... so sue me! My Tumblr was all about The Princess Diaries... are you satisfied now?” She asked, hiding her face in shame.

Trystan rubbed his chin in delight as he allowed Carolina to sweat it out, thinking of the best way to torture his prey.

“The Princess Diaries! This all makes so much sense now!”

“What?” Luke wondered aloud. “That she always had a soft spot for monarchy scum?”

“Well, yes,” Trystan responded. “ But, seriously... how long did you have these fantasies about being a long-lost princess, my dear?”

“What! Never! I’m a Boricua from the Bronx! A freaking badass, bisexual Boricua from the Bronx! Being a princess was nothing I aspired to!”

“Yet you were writing Princess Diaries fanfic?” Trystan tsked. “Then... you relentlessly pursued me.”

Horrified, she slammed her hand on the desk. “I DID NOT!!! You know I didn’t!”

“I’m not sure what to believe anymore, Carolina. Right now, I’m feeling sort of cheap and used.”

Luke howled with laughter. “In fairness, there’s nothing cheap about you, Trystan. Used? Sure, I can see that. But cheap? No way.”

“Thank you, Luke,” Trystan acknowledged.

“Don’t mention it.”

But Carolina wasn't smiling. “I never had some monarchy fetish! I just liked the stupid movie! It was escapism for me, OK? But you know damn well you being a royal was a detriment to me, not a bonus! I wasn’t all, ‘Oh, now I need to land this guy!’ you know that!”

“I can't be sure anymore. I think I have to have this investigated to make sure your intentions with me are pure!”

“You know that’s not a bad idea,” Luke nodded as he typed away on his laptop. “I do know of a good agency that could help you.”

“LUKE!” Carolina yelled, so flustered that she hadn’t noticed her phone stopped bleeping several minutes before.

“Relax... princess...” Luke teased. “I just hacked into your Tumblr. The bleeping should stop now.

“But... how?” She asked, immediately catching his sarcastic stare. “Yeah, don’t bother answering that.”

Trystan stood over her shoulder as she opened the app. “700 notifications? Seriously, why the hell did I get all these notifications today?”

“It looks like they were having some kind of a “boop” thing for April Fools? I guess it’s like the old Facebook poke? Everyone seems to be sending boops.”

“But why?” Carolina asked, dumbfounded. "Don't people have better things to do with their time?"

“Look,” Luke chirped. “I'm capable of doing a great many things, but making sense out of anything that happens on Tumblr.... that’s asking too much...even of me.”

“True,” Carolina mumbled.

“He makes sense,” Trystan nodded in agreement. “Now, let’s read some of your old fanfic.”

“Oh, hell no!” Carolina insisted. “There’s no way!”

“Please?” Trystan begged, with puppy-dog eyes in full effect.

“All right, fine! But only on one condition!”

“Name it!”

“You show me your old Tumblr... and don’t lie and tell me you didn’t have one. We both know you did.”

“Sorry, my love,” Trystan shrugged. “But I didn’t.”

The couple turned to Luke when he sighed again. “Do you really want to start this relationship sitting on a throne of lies, Trystan? Or should I call you PlayfulPrince315. Dude! Using your actual birthday? I know you were a tween then, but still, you should have known better!”

“Playful... Prince?” Carolina beamed. “OK, Mr. Playful, what were you doing on Tumblr?”

“Oh, that’s easy,” he winked. “I was searching for beautiful want-to-be princesses from the Bronx.”

“Nah,” Luke laughed. “Minecraft. He was into Minecraft.”

“Really?” Trystan asked, dragging a hand down his face.

“Hey, I outed Carolina, and she’s my best friend. You knew you weren’t safe.”

“Minecraft?” Carolina said with mock disgust. “Tell me it wasn’t Minecraft porn... please?”

“WHAT?" Trystan asked in shock. "Was that even a thing?”

“Sadly, it was,” Carolina laughed. “I’m sorry, but I need to know if you were into that. I don’t care how long ago it was; I am not marrying any man who once got off to Minecraft porn.”

A devilish grin slowly spread on Trystan’s face as he stepped confidently toward Carolina.

“Marry... you say?” His grin miraculously grew wider. “Have you been thinking about marrying me, Carolina?”

“I... uh, I...” she couldn't have been more grateful for Luke jumping out of his seat.

“Well, I think I’ll leave you two alone. You can handle this conversation without me.”

He headed toward the door, but not before handing Trystan a scrap of paper. “Here, this is your Tumblr password, Playful Prince. You two can figure out your weird pasts alone.”

“Oh, like you didn’t have weird things in your past!” Carolina yelled after him.

“At least they aren't archived for prosperity on Tumblr,” Luke grinned. “And I’m relieved to say it doesn’t look like Ruby has to deal with that, either. But I can’t wait to tell her about the two of yours.”

Luke whistled as he exited, turning one more time before shutting the door. “Oh, and Playful one? You got 200 fewer boops than Carolina... and you’re royalty, man? Embarrassing! Just... embarrassing! I don't think she should consider marrying you!"

Trystan turned to his blushing girlfriend. "So, back to that marrying thing.... how often does that cross your mind?"

"Uh, you know what," she said, reaching up for a soft but passionate kiss. "Why don't I tell you all about FarmersOnly instead."

"Uninterested," he beamed.

"All right," she said, pulling out her phone. "Then let's say I allow you to read 3,500 words of angst I wrote about Princess Mia and Prince Harry circa 2016?"

Trystan's eyes lit up. "Seriously?"

"Here," she said, handing him her phone. "Go through my whole masterlist. By the time you're done... you'll forget anything else."

Trystan slunk back into the chair, tossing his feet on the desk for comfort. "Don't count on it," he winked. "Don't count on that... at all."

@choicesficwriterscreations

Tagging others separately.

#choices fanfic #playchoices fanfic #crimes of passion #crimes of passion choices #choices crimes of passion #trystan thorne #luke watanabe #trystan thorne x f!mc #trystan x carolina #playchoices #choices stories you play #choices

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cafeleningrad · 5 months

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The shadow presence of adults an family in Utena

Currently I try to clear up some convoluted ideas about childhood innocence to agency through social indoctrination depicted in Utena.

Obviously the most present indoctrination happens by Akio's hands, and his extension the form of the panoptic, omnipresent, ever-acting system of Ohtori academy. But I did catch myself by the mistake to assume every child/teenage character in Utena is solely influenced by Akio. In fact sometimes adults do appear sparsely throughout the show, and it's always relevant. Like the guidance counselor as signal for the reinforcement of social rules, or Tokiko contrasting Akio. The characters enter the school already with knowledge of fairy tale structure (Wakaba's mother telling her tales of the Onion prince), Miki disdains his sister on sexist premises way before he's manipulated into dueling, Nanami already used violence on others to secure Touga's attention before she entered school. It can be argued that the world outside the school ground, the city we see in the background is an extension of Ohotori too. Thinking then how parents already primed their children already when they arrive at Ohtori, and how important the death of Utena's parents is to her, I do think the families of the characters are much more relevant to than the visual narrative of obscuring their faces lets on. ...or: I found a niche, and now I have wild theories. (This is definitely a very speculative post, my mind went on a slippery slope of theories.) Content warning for discussions and mentions of: Child abuse, death, manipulation, grooming, sexism in general.

I. Why do we barely see the face of so many adults? (If I claim that they're relevant?) First, Utena is, among many other themes, a story about maturing and leaving behind a lot of rules and ideals that hold people back from becoming a person. Most characters are aged from early to late teens. Highly relevant to the themes of Utena, this is a period of self discovery, detachment from previously installed beliefs, and discovering the possibilities of the the world. Although the latter points are halted by Ohotori and Akio. In that way it makes sense that the characters think more about themselves as independent with parents more on the sidelines. Further, only very few characters realize fully that they're part of a cyclical system, and are unknowingly but actively hindered to come to that realization. In that sense, it's not far off that they would blend out elements they themselves not consider relevant. Meaning, they wouldn't realize how formative their previous family life is to them but they get a new, aspirational role model of another adult.

Second, Ohtori as place with it's own logic runs by Akio's narrative. He's the one who chooses important characters, sets up important rituals with Anthy's help, and manipulates them to take on a certain journey - if they want to take it or not. For Akio it is vital that he imposes himself as the most present most visible adult in the life of Ohtori students. (Note: Either himself or Ohtori as systematic extension of his.) He wants to be the aspiration so everyone emulates the rules and behaviors he wants people to emulate. The only other adult with more screentime, clear personality, and visible face is Tokiko who is many ways Akio's counterpart. Although she,sadly, never interacts with any students at Ohtori during her visit. Side note: Akio often avoids being seen the direct instigator of events. Either Ohtori staff, social rules, and social life reinforce his ruling, her he manipulated others so much they act by his playbook. It also leaves his image untarnished. Touga is Akio's proxy on campus. Groomed to imitate Akio, Touga taunts others, especially men to imitate the idealized image of manhood. Close to graduation age, already using a lot of signifiers of grown up masculinity such as promiscuity, using a motocycle (but with a helmet) as approximation to a car, Touga is the entry level to emulation although Akio has the last word on how a person should finally act. II. Other visible adults a) Campus staff The only few adults with a face are campus staff. Namely the guidance counselor, her male colleague, and the music teacher. The former two exist to enforce Campus rules on the students. Either responsibilities for school prestige, or the dresscode. (The music teacher is a bit of an outlier at he's more of a point to Miki's and Kozue's contrast, Miki being allowed innocence whereas Kozue is not receiving any protection, but I would note that he abuses his position of trust for attempts to abuse Miki.) In every case it's save to say that they're all roped into Akio's direction.

b) Chida Tokiko Boy, I love Tokiko. In her short presence she carries the entire weight of the meaning of the Black Rose arc. She's also in juxtaposition to Akio. Also, she pretty. Alright, first who is Tokiko? Tokiko was Chida Mamiya's big sister who lead an entire research project at Ohtori Academy to save her little brother's life. She came in with abstract ideals to simply keep things in a never ending stage (stressed by her disliking to see flowers wilt) which Nemuro rightfully calls out as perpetual motions machine. In spite of her best interests, her project was hijacked and used by Akio to install a duel occasion for 100 male duelists. Her project ended in tragedy. Mamiya died anyway, over his anger Nemuro killed 100 students. Directly or indirectly, Tokiko being roped in with Akio's ideals did lead to high count of human loss, and her ideals failing anyway. Unlike Akio, Tokiko left Ohtori though. She visibly is marked by the events, has regrets, and misses her brother. On the occasion to visit his grave, she does return to Ohtori. However, with all regrets and sadness, Tokiko faced the tragedy and moved on. By seeing Nemuro, now Mikage, Tokiko comes to absolute certainty that eternity means a lack of progress for everyone. Given the fact that Tokiko could face a great deal of loss and tragedy, partly by her responsibility but still decides to leave and not to stay Ohtori, she is very much in contrast to Akio. Akio can't face his loss of ideal and "innocence". In fact he never reflects upon himself but artificially hinders everyone on campus to progress as people. Nemuro even gets punished by having his memories conversed to heterosexual interest towards Tokiko, in order to fit into Ohtori's narrative. Tokiko who has gained maturity, and accepted her loss is the kind of adult Akio should be but can't be because he clings on childish ideas which in practice keep everyone locked in misery. If the students ever interacted with a different example of an adult, they might not find a fancy role model but one which is far wiser than Akio. It's sad that the only alternative to adulthood never gets to interact with any of the students (even though that's kinda the point). The one who would have needed to speak to her the most to deconstruct is self-delusion and accept loss, doesn't recognize her anymore. Side note: Mikage is the student interacting with most adults. In the past it was Tokiko. In the present there're adults around him due to his academic importance, officials who ask for academic support, or his secretary. But notably we never see their faces, only hear their voices. All these faceless adults speak negatively about him, and ignoring the fact that in spite of his intellectual brilliance, and introverted nature, he's still very much a teenager who does have the inner life of a teenager. Considering that Mikage can't move on from his state of teenagehood, I speculate that Mikage doesn't pay attention to the age group, state even?, he can't become. Mikage doesn't even recognize Tokiko anymore. III. Relevant family lives So I mentioned in the introduction how the parents already send their children to school with preconceptions of social rules and dynamic. Some characters like Juri don't mention parents but siblings. I do think they're also relevant in the way the characters are able to understand affection. Families are not the only but still a highly relevant structure within children pick up on life philosophies, social rules, and especially expressions of affection.

a) Utena's dead parents I'd seen some speculations going around who Utena's parents might be but I don't think parentage is relevant. Thematically Utena is about liberation of harmful systems as well as modes of thinking. In Penguindrum, Ikuhara explores how certain families can shape us in much deeper manner. In Utena systematic imprints are much more abstract. That sounds a bit contradictory, so let me rephrase it: It doesn't matter who exactly Utena's parents are, however the fact that they're dead is highly relevant to her. The manga does reference Utena growing up at an aunt but more or less Utena is orphaned at an young age. This leads her to have idealized ideas of family, leaving her with a lack of experience to judge boundaries. By example, Utena might not like Touga but she misreads his acts of heroism, akin to her prince-ideals, as affection of an older brother. Or she's not weirded out by Akio accelerating their relationship from "friend of my little sister" to "you are like family". In general, Utena's lack of familial experience leaves her with a lack of knowledge what different forms of affection look like. Granted, Utena is 14 years old, and not the most senstive person still I noticed how often Utena is unable to formulate her exact feelings towards others. The friendship with Wakaba because in Utena's clear cut mindset girls who are close are friends (as Ohtori doesn't an offer another model how women could be close to each other) even though Wakaba having an earnest crush on Utena isn't unlikely. Apart from the fact that Ohtori is a forcibly hetero normative place, Utena is extremely confused by her feelings for Akio and Touga, but also for Anthy. She's getting manipulated to play act romance with these two men. But she also can't read others very well. At first she doesn't realize the animosity between the Karou twins, she doesn't take Nanami's outright rage towards her seriously until Nanami's duell goes overboard, she misreads the "friendship" between Juri and Shiori. Utena's only guidance in life is the prince ideal. For one it is the closest Utena has a model for agency but also as model for being loved and admired. Utena is entirely on her own to evaluate relationships.

b) The Kaoru divorce The Karou twins are in my eyes an easing introduction in themes of misogynistic treatment, and perversion of male-female dynamics leading to incest, but they're also the youngest in the cast. (Except Tsuwabuki, of course.) First we assume that their estrangement stems from Miki slutshaming Kozue, which is definitely at play but their estranged familial connection has another source. We only learn very late about the Karou parents getting separated, leaving their children behind. Both children are lost, symbolized by building up a birdbox for abandoned bird babies. Their family is falling apart. They need each other more than ever but have so much difficulty communicating with each other. Ohtori as a place reinforces the idea of a girls scoial inferiority, everyhting a girl does is getting evaluated and judged, it drives the wedge between Miki and Kozue even further. However, the twins learnt a gendered perspective by their parents. In the flashback of the the piano recital, Miki's allowed to rest and stay away from the recital. Kozue was unwell, crying, anxious, desperate to not play but her wellbeing is disregarded. During their parents separation the cause is father Kaoru leaving his family for another woman on his own beheast. The twins don't blame their own mother but approach their father differently. Both are angry at the adults in their life, Miki even states that his life is dictated by adults. Kozue absolutely disregards their father's letter. But Miki, praised for his maturity, states way too understanding phrases to his father on the phone. Miki also projects on idolized Anthy on his soon-to-be-stepmother. Who wouldn't leave everything behind for the ideal woman, in Miki's logic? Miki can only be this "mature" (actually, asked to not cause an authority figure any trouble) by trying to rationalize why he shouldn't be angry at his father.

c) Juri's nameless sister Even later than the Kaoru twin's family situation, we learn only in the final episode about Juri having a sister. In Juri's story, the sister almost drowned but a boy tries to save her, only to drown himself. For all heroism, Juri forgot his name. Later in Adolescence we learn that Juri was actually the one drowning, and Touga drowned for her sake. That might leave the existence of Juri's sister in a speculative realm. If we were to take it seriously, I would have some theories what the existence of a sister would mean to Juri. A sister is a very close relative. In this proximity Touga's death would still be close enough to Juri's experience but not close enough to herself. It's highly speculative if this falsification of memory is artificially altered by Akio to have Touga walking around not be suspicious, or, which I consider more likely, it's Juri's response to distance herself from the guilt for Touga's death. It wasn't her fault he died but she was the motivation behind his passing. Forgetting his name, having another person between herself and Touga could distance Juri from the tragedy. With Utena I noted, how Utena with the lack of any previous close conenction is unable to recognize, even less so name the nature of relationships she has. If Juri's sister exist that would mean that Juri is familiar with a close relationship to another woman which is not her mother. In that sense, she would know how a familial closeness feels like, and not name it by the next best thing. Therefore, she's able, unlike Utena, to recognize exactly that her affection for Shiori is of romantic nature. d) Does Saionji have a family? The text mentions nothing of that sort, everything else would be pure speculation. From Saionji's memories his biggest issue in childhood was the growing distance to Touga, and the worries about the little girl in the coffin (oh boy, did Ohtori lead you down the wrong path...) otherwise nothing else of note. For one reason or another, Saionji can't go anywhere after getting expelled. Why he can't return to a home is up for speculation. His parents kicked him out? He's too ashamed? He has no parents? Any guess is as good as mine. But considering that Saionji mentions no formative character in his life, no parents no siblings, I am led to believe that the lack of reference is for Saionji, like Utena a cause for him to have trouble to keep his distance from proximity being baited to him. Since his only relationship in his past seems to have been Touga, the only reference of connection is friendship. What once might have been healthy is an idea Touga taunts and uses against Saionji.

e) Did you hear about the Kiryuu's? Oh boy, this house is a nest of snakes. It's only in Adolescence we get a full picture of all the abuse that went down in this household but the impressions we get in the show are already horrific enough.

We learn that Touga and Nanami, related by blood siblings, got adopted into the family. Nanami is too young to remember, however that feeling that subconcious knowledge of not fititng right in seems to linger in the back of Nanami's mind: Nanami is in constant fear of ostracization, she projects all that of performing to peak social performance, by looks, by reinforcing social status by putting up schemes to sabotage others or literally beat others into submission, dressing in praised brand fashion, and making very clear that she's in no way like that shunned weirdo Anthy. She could never be that weird, laying eggs is totally normal, right?! In the instance Nanami does remember her parents, she remembers being shamed for being inadequate, especially by being genuinely herself gifting a kitten to Touga. She's also constantly alone, except for Touga. In an environment where Nanami is demanded to always correspond to the norm, facing scrutiny, letting her grow up isolated, it makes a lot of sense why Nanami would attach herself to the only person showing her kindness, her older brother. Nanami's only model of reference to to and being loved is a sibling dynamic, hence her fixation on Touga. It also means, Nanami wouldn't know any other model of affection except for this one, actually. Paired with her constant need to be the heart of the masses to proove total adaptation, Nanami can't let anyone get close to her because of her singular outstanding status, and she wouldn't also know how. Any concern of Utena about her, Tsuwabuki expressing in child-typical honesty that he wants to be close to her, are either met with anger or used for her own gain (something she probably picked up from Touga, too).

Touga's place in the family is the most brutal. He was sold by his birth parents for the explicit purpose to be abused. The fact that we do see see the adoptive's father's face in Adolescence leads me to theorize about Touga having a too clear, unshakable memory from his childhood trauma. (Sidenote: Hair in relation to emotional state is sometimes brought up with characters, long flowing hair standing for a person being free of restraint. In memories about Touga by people who idealize him, namely other boys like Miki, Tsuwabuki, and especially homeboy Saionji, touga has long hair. But Nanami who has less cheerful childhood memories remembers her brother with short hair. In his own memories Touga remembers himself having shoulder length hair because his adoptive father demanded him growing longer hair. Nanami and Touga's way less idealized recollections are much closer to the truth.) Touga's childhood was entirely shattered, and severed so many genuine bonds of those who loved him. It's very difficult to not not feel sympathy for Touga even at his worst sabotaging his relationships because at a very young age, what should've been the safest relationship, a caring family, has been utterly destroyed for him. To say, him being disillusioned and distrusting of proclamations of honesty is comprehensible. (Since this post branched off on thoughts I had on gaining agency within a indoctrinating system, Tougs acting fully concious whereas also blind towards his motivations is a point I can't help talking about again and again.) Touga is a very central figure in luring in other students into the idea of princehood, while also getting lost in it, so understanding why he adheres to a system that promises power of everyone else is highly relevant understanding why the system is so successful at perpetuating itself in it's own confines.

In conclusion: For both siblings, their parents were a big source of trauma. If not the formative trauma to prime the kids ideally for Ohtori's pathway into doom. Nanami is so afraid of being other-ed that she would do anything to be part of the crowd. On the flipside by fully adapting to it she's deeply afraid to question conventions, highlighted by the Cowbell of Happiness. Touga is so scared and angry for having been used, he would always try to control others so none can control him, he sees no way out of his misery.

f) Throwawaylines in the Himemiya household - non-relevant observation Probably not too relevant to the actual dynamic between Anthy and Akio, but there's this one line Anthy drops and never picks up again. it does drive me slightly insane. Anthy mentions that Akio does remind her of their father. Nothing conclusive of their obscure family life but I have speculated before how Dios died for an ideal externally imposed on him. This is not a relevant point at all, it's not even a point. But I wanted to bring that up because having no better reference for an alternative way would explain a lot with Anthy and Akio.

g) The Ohtori family So far we did have two terrible fathers, why not go with a terrible mother then? Alright, in the case of the Kiryuus', the mother is implied to be part of Nanami's trauma, Kanae's engagement is arranged by both parents. Only Mrs. Ohotori is the only present parent in the sense we see a vague figure, and a cut-off face. For a supposefdly prestigeous school the family supposedly run, it's also clear how under their name, terrible social practice part of the life at the school. They themselves arrange a marriage for their daughter right after their graduation. And Mrs. Ohtori sleep's with her daughter's fiancée. I feel inclined to not protect Mrs. Ohtori to get involved with Akio. Akio chooses his victims to be in many ways weaker than him. He chooses underage girls, namely neither Anthy not Utena have a family or any other social safety net. And Kanae's parents obviously wholeheartedly agree of her engagement with Akio, so Kanae can't voice doubts. (Or she's told to project on Anthy instead...) Further, Akio adopts his fiancée's last name as an indicator that marrying Kanae is him rising in social status, not her. His fancy apartment, the big telescope, all belongs to the Ohtori's. Akio's seduction is only sexual, he can't exploit Mrs. Ohtori on the base of less experience and power like the did to the girls he usually abuses. No big point here but to highlight how corrupted the adults running the central institution are.

Sort of a conclusion: Probably I spend more times and thoughts on this than needed. But I did spend a lot of time thinking about Tokiko and Kaoru twin's motives of leaving childhood and differing personhood by gender, sending me in onto further thoughts how the presence and also the lack of adults in the life of many students is relevant for understanding their motivation. Why would they have certain outlooks on relationships? Some parentages and familial are more nebulous, less relevant than others, too, although for some characters like Touga, the twins, or Utena, the relationship to their families mark the starting point of their journey.

#Revolutionary Girl Utena #RGU meta #my most rambliest post yet

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mariacallous · 3 months

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(New York Jewish Week) – When Michael Witkes arrived at his bar mitzvah party, he knew he couldn’t enter to a musical theater song, his preferred genre, because he was already being bullied for being too effeminate and flamboyant. So, he simply told the DJ to just pick any song that matched the vibe of a bar mitzvah entrance.

The DJ picked “I’m Coming Out” by Diana Ross.

“This day that is supposed to be completely celebratory became this kind of tragic, camp event, where I had to wrestle with getting bullied because of this,” Witkes said. “I was just trying to become a man, a Jewish adult, and then I was suddenly getting outed at my bar mitzvah.”

Eighteen years later, Witkes, 31, is a professional drag queen in New York City, performing as “Pink Pancake.” This week, he will revisit that troubling coming-of-age moment in his first ever one-woman drag show, “Today You Are a Man!” at The Tank NYC.

“I take that moment of tragedy and I flip it on its head and I turn it into this play about self discovery and coming into your authenticity as a queer person and as a Jew,” Witkes told the New York Jewish Week.

Witkes first began developing the show, which runs for 50 minutes, two years ago as a four-minute lip sync for a “Hanukkah in July” drag performance. Since then, he’s partnered with director and queer Jewish art and events curator Stuart B Meyers to flesh out a full-length performance.

“The show gives an earnest portrayal of the horror of that experience, how awful it was, and is, to be bullied for being gay and femme, yet also lifts and celebrates the story of who Michael has become through drag,” Meyers told the New York Jewish Week. “So what’s really interesting is that the piece is about his bar mitzvah of the past, but in a big way, it’s also a bar mitzvah in and of itself, because it’s a celebration of his own very Jewish process of coming into this next chapter as Pink Pancake.”

Ahead of the show, the New York Jewish Week caught up with Witkes about what it was like to make the show and revisit his bar mitzvah experience.

This interview has been lightly edited for length and clarity.

What would you tell your 13-year-old self about how far you’ve come?

It’s funny because I think if I told my 13-year-old self, “Hey, you’re now a drag queen in New York, and you’re making a living pursuing this queer art form,” I think that my 13-year-old self would be horrified. This might be my biggest fear at the time, realized.

First, I would give my 13-year-old self a giant hug. I think I would say, “You are wonderful as you are and just let your inner star shine. At the time, I did everything I could to make myself smaller and to try to hide the fact that I was gay, even though I was just naturally more feminine and flamboyant growing up. I did everything I could to hide that, with my clothes, with the way I walked around. Everything was a performance. I would just say, “Hey, baby, breathe, let it all out. It’s gonna be okay. Own who you are.”

What does it mean to you to have your first full-length one-woman show center on a Jewish narrative?

I grew up in a pretty Jewish suburb of Philadelphia, on the Main Line. I feel like growing up, I kind of took my Judaism for granted. In seventh grade, there was a bar or bat mitzvah every single weekend. Judaism was so prevalent that it wasn’t a huge part of my identity.

But now we’re in a time where there is this rise in antisemitism and you can feel it. In my other gigs, I have made some self-deprecating jokes in the mic about being Jewish — as Jews do with Jewish humor. Before it was just a part of my act, but now I have this inner voice in the back of my head saying “Is it safe to say this? Is it safe to make these jokes? Is it safe to be openly Jewish?” Since coming out and embracing myself fully, I’ve been really proud to be queer. Now I feel like the show is helping me be more proudly Jewish. It’s been wonderful working with Stuart Meyers, who has done a lot of queer Jewish work and queer Jewish art, because he’s kind of pushed me to embrace my Judaism even more and pull things out in the show in relation to my Jewish identity even more, so it’s been really exciting. We have to continue to be visible and proud and continue to advocate for ourselves and everyone that is marginalized in the global majority.

Do you feel like making this show has helped you process the trauma from your bar mitzvah party and given you a second chance at celebrating?

That is the structure of the show in a way, where I have the chance to do it all over again. It’s a queering of this Jewish rite of passage. The whole show, in a way, is like a redo of my own bar mitzvah, but now I’m in drag as a woman — but I’m not a woman, and I’m also very gender-queer. It’s a beautiful way to explore what it means to be a man and to explore your gender identity and sexuality.

This has definitely helped me process my bar mitzvah and re-own this moment that was kind of tragic. In general, my bar mitzvah was a wonderful event — this moment just clouded it. I think that wounds can continue to heal and come back and they can surprise you like, “Oh, I thought I got over that.” So revisiting this moment has definitely brought some things up to the surface that I’m able to now heal from.

I rewatched the video of my service many, many times while putting the show together. I had a wonderful support system in my parents, but I don’t think I fully realized that at the time because I felt so alone and othered in school. So it’s really healing to be able to look back and listen to the speeches that my parents made at my bar mitzvah. Watching myself in the video, I look awkward and I don’t like that my parents are saying nice things about me and I’m probably not fully paying attention and kind of dissociating because it’s uncomfortable. But to look back now — my parents are so sweet. My dad said that he appreciated how sensitive I was and how gentle I was. These are things that I was bullied for, because they’re not “masculine.” But at my bar mitzvah, he was saying you’re a man because of all of these things. That’s just so beautiful.

I’m excited to bring it to an audience. I’m sure that healing will happen even more when it’s in front of a live audience and I’m hoping that the same thing will happen for them as well. I hope bringing the specificity of this event to my show will allow people to bring the specificity of their own moments growing up Jewish or growing up queer and find healing and celebration.

What else can people expect at the show?

There are going to be too many costumes in a short amount of time. I’m really excited for all of these wacky costumes I’m bringing. It’s going to be heartfelt, it’s going to be drag. It’s a full production and I’m so excited to finally bring this to life after sitting on it for all this time. It combines drag lip sync with multimedia — video projections of my bar mitzvah and lots of other very fun, funny things. Of course, I have two backup dancers — it’s a one-woman show, but it’s a one-woman drag show, so that means that you need to have two backup dancers. It’s a fully realized show with a plot and a beginning, middle and end.

“Today You Are a Man!,” is playing at The Tank NYC (312 W. 36th St.) Jan 18-20 at 9:30 p.m. and Jan. 21 at 7 p.m. Tickets start at $15.

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cosmicjoke · 3 months

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if you could save any character in AOT from dying, who would you save? not in terms of changing the plot or anything like that, but because you really like the character

That's a really hard question to answer, haha. There's so many tragic deaths in AoT, and an argument could be made about why every character that died should have lived.

I think maybe the most tragic death, to me anyway, was Sasha's, because she didn't choose to die. Hange and Erwin, as heartbreaking as their deaths were, at least had some agency in it. They chose the path that lead to each of their deaths, or were otherwise accepting of their deaths. But with Sasha, she didn't choose to die, or accept it. She was shot while believing she was going home and in a celebratory mood, even, happy that she had made it to the end of the mission with all her friends.

Of course, with Erwin, you wish he could have gotten to discover the truth. But I always think, if Erwin HAD lived to see what was in Eren's basement, while he might have initially been happy at finally having proof that his father had been right, it ultimately would have left him feeling disappointed and bereft, and I think his feelings of guilt would only have intensified. To realize he'd charged ahead so relentlessly, only to find out that the world beyond the walls hated them and wanted them all dead. That indeed the discovery of the truth didn't improve their position, but only made it worse. I don't know if Erwin would have been able to deal with the knowledge that he'd sent all those soldiers to their deaths, under the belief they were fighting to free humanity, only to exchange their original struggle for any even greater one. So, in the end, I think it was better for Erwin to die without ever knowing the truth. I think it only would have further deteriorated his mental state. There was a genuine relief in Erwin when Levi told him to give up on his dream and die. He was happy to be relieved of making the decision himself, happy to be told what to do, happy that Levi had freed him from the burden of being torn between his dream and duty, and especially the guilt he felt at wanting to pursue his dream. If the decision had been left up to Erwin, and he'd chosen to live to see what was in Eren's basement, I think it would have tormented him for the rest of his life. Levi allowed him to die a good leader, and that was as good an ending for Erwin as there could be.

And then of course Hange's death was also incredibly tragic, and the realization that she won't ever get to experience any more of the world, when she was such a genuinely curious person, is heartbreaking. But there's also an element of guilt in Hange's decision to go against the wall Titans. This feeling that she was failing to live up to her role as Commander, that she was responsible for leading them to where they were, and needing to take responsibility for it in order to ease her guilt. Of course, Hange wasn't actually responsible. Eren was. He lied to Hange when he accused her of forcing him to do what he'd done because of her failure to come up with a better plan, and that exacerbated Hange's sense of guilt, which in itself is a huge tragedy. Maybe Hange wouldn't have felt so compelled to go to her death if Eren hadn't said what he did to her. But either way, I think Hange felt she needed to sacrifice herself in order to fulfill her role as Commander. It's why Levi's so distraught at her language before she makes her decision, because it's the same sort of language Erwin was using. This idea of needing to fulfill ones "duty" by sacrificing ones self. Levi knew in that moment what Hange was planning. He knew she meant to die.

Anyway, yeah, I guess this isn't really an answer to your question. I wish all three of them could have lived. I wish Petra and Marco and all of Levi's OG squad could have lived, and Mike, etc... I also thought Nile Dok's death was really sad.

But I guess if I had to choose one character who got to live out of those who died, it would probably be Sasha, just because, again, there was no agency in her death.

#attack on titan #shingkei no kyojin #Erwin Smith #Hange Zoe #Sasha Braus #Levi Ackerman #Marco Bodt #Nile Dok #mike zacharias

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envieuu · 4 months

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୧ ও THE MEMBERS OF ENVIE ଓ ৴

TW. ABUSIVE PARENTS

JANG MIJOO was born on February 20, 2000, in MOKPO, SOUTH KOREA to a religious family. She was raised with both her religion and school life as her top two priorities. However, during her childhood, she'd grown a love for singing. She would sing all the time, to the point the people around her would get annoyed of it. Though they couldn't deny that she had a beautiful voice. This is when her parents decided to make use of her talents by putting her in their services choir. Due to this, Mijoo and her family quickly became notable members of their church.

Although she enjoyed singing with her church, Mijoo saw something bigger for herself. She saw herself becoming a name that people would recognize. This was when she realized that she wanted to become a gospel singer. At the age of 13, Mijoo uploaded her very first video to YouTube of her singing a rendition of one of her favorite gospel songs. This would become a frequent for the young girl as she would go on to post multiple covers at least every two weeks.

Gradually, she would see a rise in views that would eventually lead to her discovery by HONEYMOON AVE Productions at the age of 16 years old. Mijoo went on to sign a contract with them and would gear up for a solo debut only a year later. She would release a few songs before going practically radio silent until 2020 when her contract was bought by FLEURY RECORDS. Following her new exclusive contract, Mijoo began her training with the Envie lineup and continued to debut as the group's MAIN VOCALIST

⋅˚₊‧ ୨୧ ‧₊˚ ⋅ THE BASICS

FULL NAME. Jang Mijoo

BIRTHDATE. February 20, 2000

ZODIAC. Pisces

BIRTHPLACE. Mokpo, South Korea

HOMETOWN. Mokpo, South Korea

ETHNICITY. Korean

⋅˚₊‧ ୨୧ ‧₊˚ ⋅ CAREER

OCCUPATION. Idol

GROUP. Envie

POSITION. Main Vocal

YEARS ACTIVE. 2016 - present

⋅˚₊‧ ୨୧ ‧₊˚ ⋅ PHYSIQUE

HEIGHT. 5'3" (161cm)

FACECLAIM. Kim Jiwoo

BODY MODIFICATIONS. Standard Lobe Piercings

YING JIALI, formerly known as POPPY, was born on June 7, 2000, in Huangzhou, China, but moved to NEW YORK, where she resided in QUEENS. She was raised in a household with her two sisters--one older, one younger--by her cook mother and her father who worked an office job. Her childhood wouldn't be described as ideal by anyone, as her father was abusive to her, her siblings, and her mother alike. Even though she would stay quiet and to herself in the house, she would receive majority of his lashings.

Even in the strife, Jiali found her passion. She was in love with dancing and would use it as an escape from her challenging domesticity situation. With an idea of how she could get away from her father, she snuck out on several occasions to auditions for dance teams. Somewhere along the lines, Jiali found out about K-Pop and was inspired by senior groups like GIRLS' GENERATION and FLOE&HAIL. This is when she would stumble upon advertising for global auditions at FLEURY RECORDS, which excited her because it happened to be the agency that housed the group mentioned prior. She would sneak out once again and audition for the label and luckily was accepted.

In one night, she would quickly leave her family behind, writing notes specifically for her sisters and mother. She vowed to provide for them once she makes it where she wants to be in life. She began training with Fleury and was even sent to participate in the 2018 survival show PRODUCE 48 as POPPY where she would ultimately rank #18, unfortunately not making it into the lineup. Although disappointed, this would later work out in her favor when she would be able to debut as Envie's MAIN DANCER, LEAD RAPPER, and SUB-VOCAL.

⋅˚₊‧ ୨୧ ‧₊˚ ⋅ THE BASICS

FULL NAME. Ying Jiali

ENGLISH NAME. Briella Ying

BIRTHDATE. June 7, 2000

ZODIAC. Gemini

BIRTHPLACE. Huangzhou, China

HOMETOWN. New York City, New York

ETHNICITY. Chinese

⋅˚₊‧ ୨୧ ‧₊˚ ⋅ CAREER

OCCUPATION. Idol,

GROUP. Envie

POSITION. Main Dancer, Lead Rapper, Sub-Vocal

YEARS ACTIVE. 2018, 2021 - present

⋅˚₊‧ ୨୧ ‧₊˚ ⋅ PHYSIQUE

HEIGHT. 5'7" (170cm)

FACECLAIM. Shen Xiaoting

BODY MODIFICATIONS. Standard Lobe Piercings, Upper Left Arm Tattoo, Tragus Piercings

LEE KIYEON was born on July 1, 2001 in SEOUL, SOUTH KOREA to an orthodontist father and psychiatrist mother. It's safe to say that she was raised in a wealthy household, her upbringing never being one in struggle of finance and bathing in luxurious items. From the time she was 4 years old, she pursued a serious career in ballet. Her mother, in spite of being a psychiatrist proved to take a serious mental toll on her daughter as she seemed to live vicariously through Kiyeon. She was unhealthily attached to her life and often pressured her in her ballet career. Though at her prestigious studio a lot of her peers despised her, and the competition was dire, Kiyeon's own mother probably served as her biggest enemy.

Somewhere along the lines, she was deemed something close to a prodigy by her instructors and peers alike. She would go on to score lead roles in a large sum of the institution's productions, but this wouldn't come without heavy competition between her and one of her friends at the company that would last for years and be a detrimental to her psyche. Either way, because of her performance quality, she would be scouted by a talent agent at Fleury and become a favorite among the trainees. After training with the ensemble, she would debut as Envie's beloved MAIN VOCALIST, LEAD DANCER, and VISUAL.

⋅˚₊‧ ୨୧ ‧₊˚ ⋅ THE BASICS

FULL NAME. Lee Kiyeon

BIRTHDATE. July 1, 2001

ZODIAC. Cancer

BIRTHPLACE. Seoul, South Korea

HOMETOWN. Seoul, South Korea

ETHNICITY. Korean

⋅˚₊‧ ୨୧ ‧₊˚ ⋅ CAREER

OCCUPATION. Idol, Ballerina

GROUP. Envie

POSITION. Main Vocal, Lead Dancer, Visual

YEARS ACTIVE. 2005 - 2018, 2021 - present

⋅˚₊‧ ୨୧ ‧₊˚ ⋅ PHYSIQUE

HEIGHT. 5'6" (167cm)

FACECLAIM. Kim Minjeong

BODY MODIFICATIONS. Standard Lobe Piercings, Upper Right Arm Tattoo

KANNIKA SHINAWATRA, professionally known as YANA or YANA SHINAWATRA, was born on September 13, 2002, in CHIANGMAI, THAILAND to an acupuncturist father and an actress mother. From a very young age, Yana knew what she wanted to be: a star. She looked up to her mother as a little girl who was a popular actress in Thailand and often wished to be adored just like her mother. Yana began getting recognized once she got a little older and was often casted for small roles as a child actress for advertisements and tv series. However, acting wasn't really a passion for Yana. It was performing that inspired her most.

Talent agents recognized Yana's natural star power and often tried to scout her for multiple opportunities. But there was one thing that stood in the way of her dream, her mother. Her mother found her charisma and talent cute when she was younger but seemingly started to sabotage her own daughter. She would purposely ruin her chances to claim fame and get big. Yana's mother felt as though because she was getting older and receiving less attention, her daughter was beginning to steal all of her limelight. Her jealousy caused much conflict between the two, many extreme arguments conspiring almost every day within the household.

This led to Yana finding a manager of her own instead of her mother playing the role. Due to this, she was given the chance to seek labels that would be able to house her best. She would then audition for Fleury and ultimately be accepted, where she would begin her training with Envie, eventually debuting as the charming MAIN RAPPER, LEAD DANCER, LEAD VOCAL, and MAKNAE.

⋅˚₊‧ ୨୧ ‧₊˚ ⋅ THE BASICS

FULL NAME. Kannika Shinawatra

BIRTHDATE. September 13, 2002

ZODIAC. Virgo

BIRTHPLACE. Chiangmai, Thailand

HOMETOWN. Chiangmai, Thailand

ETHNICITY. Thai

⋅˚₊‧ ୨୧ ‧₊˚ ⋅ CAREER

OCCUPATION. Idol

GROUP. Envie

POSITION. Main Rapper, Lead Dancer, Lead Vocal, Maknae

YEARS ACTIVE. 2021 - present

⋅˚₊‧ ୨୧ ‧₊˚ ⋅ PHYSIQUE

HEIGHT. 5'4" (166cm)

FACECLAIM. Anatchaya Suputtipong

BODY MODIFICATIONS. Standard Lobe Piercings, Lower Back Tattoo, Outer Conch Piercings, Right Helix Piercing, Upper Lobe Piercings

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