#overwhelmed i was feeling. yknow like i a

[aurosoulart]

one of the things I wasn't prepared for as a trans person in a big industry was the absolutely OVERWHELMING emotions around being accepted for who I am. ;__; some highlights from the past couple months:

a prominent speaker at a UK media company showing my work to his son, casually saying: "Do you like this picture? Ewan drew it." I've never spoken to this man, but he respects me enough to not only show my work to his child - but to future students as well. these kids are going to grow up knowing the work of a publicly trans artist, and with any luck it will be normal to them.

Tilt Five publicly replying to my TDOV post with THIS, from their official corporate account.

Tilt Five also featuring me in a blog post on their website, and using they/them pronouns!!!!

and even more Tilt Five positivity: being INVITED TO DEMO IN-PERSON AT GDC FOR HUNDREDS OF PEOPLE. I'm in this picture but you can barely see me because of the crowd. again, I'm visibly trans here - long hair, stubble, voice deepened by testosterone... and it was a non-issue.

and lastly: not only being able to publicly fundraise for LGBTQ+ causes like the Club Q healing fund without fear, but actually receiving support & donations from my employer while I do so. technically, I get PAID to fundraise as long as I use Figmin XR, like with Cover The World With Flowers!

and that's just a handful of examples!!! there was also the whole getting accepted into AR House thing (where I'm one of MULTIPLE trans people in the community), and then PERFORMING LIVE at the Marriott HQ, and then my art making it onto Adam Savage's youtube channel???!?!

I keep saying this, but I legitimately don't have words for the level of gratitude I feel. I've had other trans folks reach out and say that my visibility gives them courage, which makes me want to fight even harder to show that trans joy is REAL and POSSIBLE and that there is still so much love, despite everything.

I don't want to take for granted that it is still very much radical to just exist publicly as a trans person - and even more radical to exist publicly as a HAPPY trans person. I would be lying if I said I wasn't scared being in this position, but at least I know I'm not alone. there are still so many good people fighting for us.

#auropost #lgbtq #lgbt #trans #trans pride #trans joy #trans positivity #idk what else to tag this as i'm just feelin Feels yknow #thank you if you've read this far it means a lot to me #i've been wanting to make this post for awhile but kept getting overwhelmed thinking about it #but the news about what's happening in florida and also like. other red states and anti-trans legislation #just totally took me out last week #so i wanted to try and put some good out there to fight how hopeless it made me feel #things hurt but there's still love. there's always love!!!!!!!

[obihoe]

god, the ichibi truly is the most terrible bijuu of them all huh. like he's not even that strong, among the bijuus at least he is the weakest but he seems to be so much more terrible to live with than the others. and gaara ... he is not even That strong either? at least not at first, he breaks down all the time. and his jutsu repertoire is not all that various either, his main strength is his defence but after lee breaks it, all the other opponents he faces afterwards manage to break it as well. gaara i think is the epitome of a failed bijuu-host relationship .. his bijuu might be willing to help him by sharing his power with him but that power is too much for him and moreover, the ichibi doesnt help him exactly either, he moreso just uses him as his marionette to sate his own bloodlust .. as opposed to the other, non-jinchuuriki ninjas, gaara has an INSANE level of power and chakra but he cant channel it properly and its too much to handle for him. the image of his sand shield around his body cracking is fitting i think cuz his power quite literally breaks him apart

#posts #gaara #just remembered this draft .. was watching his fight against naruto (or team 7) recently and god .. #its just so insane i think the way gaara is CONSTANTLY in pain and his powers seem to overwhelm him #like he partly transforms into the ichibi or he gets an arm like the ichibi has #half his face transforms into him. and sometimes he's screaming while it happens #but yknow what also just occured to me? might be a bit of a reach #but when i re-read the 'his power is tearing him apart' .. it reminded me a bit abt mdr .. bc mdr #he also in the end ends up torn apart by his own power. and his power ALSO belongs to a different consciousness #or being or whatever (kaguya) and she has an agency with him. she has a goal that she pursues and she uses mdr for it .. #mdr is in control of the power. he's not breaking down or transforming into something when he doesnt want to #except at the end!! in the end mdr ALSO transforms into someone else without wanting to and he cant stop it from happening #and the power is also too much ... ive talked abt this before but for me the kaguya transformation/manifestation is heavily laden #with symbolism. as in mdr's quite literally ripped apart by the power he has. kaguya pulls in more chakra as she is manifesting #and the amount of it becomes so great that it rips her host (mdr) apart .. the same way that gaara's sandshield cracks #even tho the cracks in the shield do not mean that the ichibi breaks him #but it looks a bit like it does. and when he becomes half ichibi half him. the ichibi is taking control over him #.. in a way. like gaara does want to use him but its more so the other way round. temari is scared the whole time #that he'll lose his control #anyways i feel like im rambling a bit. maybe this isnt rlly going anywhere after all SGDGDS but its interesting to #compare the first blorbo w the current one. maybe the message or commonality or whatever is #that both of these 'bijuu'- host relationships fail. the ichibi doesnt want to be trapped in a human. and kaguya (or all the bijuus) #do not want to be servants to mdr either. in gaara's case its involuntary for both parties. gaara doesnt want to be a jinchuuriki #and the bijuu doesnt want to be trapped in him either. the one who suffers from this here is mainly gaara #bc shukaku dominates their relationship. in mdr's case it is mdr who dominates the bijuu #and its mdr's hubris (his thinking that he will be able to control all of them. can just use them however he wants) #that turns out to be his demise. in both cases i guess its humanity's hubris to think they can take over and use supernatural powers #that do not belong to them and use them for their own purposes. and it both ends with the bijuus who that power belongs to #forcibly taking it back from their hands and destroying their hosts in the process ... something like that #hmm. im just rambling and forcing interpretations into this at this point i think. but yeah

[carrionsong]

xime's inspiration/brain problems list :] JSVGNBYUS IS THIS ANYTHING.... does anyone understand. where am i

#.txt #si #xime #this looks like crap lmao. i could probably redo it bc its a lil wonky n uneven but WHATever its fine. #look at my neuroses and brain problems boy #xime tries so hard to be chill and normal/easygoing but hes a goddamn mess of unmedicated anxiety/adhd/depression u_u #doing sooo much to be dependable/kind/helpful. to hide how empty they feel all the time bc she doesnt know how to ask for help bc its so #overwhelming!!! but if they can be useful.... then hes not a failure. finding real happiness in a society that slowly kills u is so hard. #but maybe w/ these assholes' help... she can find it. one step at a time ;;; at least they r masc and hot. at least they have that. jsgvfys #sowwy its so depressing but yknow. the Horrors. #he gets lost in his own thoughts soooo easily. tends to spiral if left to themself. she needs someone to help bring them back down to earth #but usually theyre chill and can be a little smartass-y with the matsus bc its fun to mess with them :3 quiet at first but once something #helps them open up and he Floods someone w an infodump then they can unwind a bit around others ;3; #its 2am. GOOD NIGHTTTTTT AUUUUUHGHGHHHH

[concordewillfly]

guy has to choose a movie to watch from their own thousand something long watchlist incident everybody dead everybody injured

#its sooo overwhelming that i end up just not doing it. i have watched like less than 30 movies so far this year its BAD #plus i feel like a movie has to call me yknow like if its not the perfect movie for my needs in that moment i will simply not enjoy it. bad #t

[dahldahlbills]

I really need to get serious about personal projects again

#I think I said something like this last year too lol #currently in a weird headspace about it #the biggest reason why I lost focus on them was bc I prioritized engaging in fandom #(something that I never really did when I was focused on publishing a few years back) #so part of me feels like in order to make considerable progress on projects again I need to cut myself off from fandom #and I kinda have been weening myself off a bit from animanga but not really for that reason #it was mostly bc I was getting overwhelmed by how much I was consuming and I wanted to appreciate things fully #I don’t think I’d cut myself off from fandom completely either I’d still try to keep up with stuff #but the idea of not engaging in fandom anymore kinda.. scares me? #idk I feel like a major loser admitting this lol #it just feels like I’d lose a lot of connections with people #and would lose a lot of the love I have for stories if I’m not actively interacting with them :( #and then there’s also that stupid feeling of being a ‘fake fan’ because I’m not dedicating every single second of free time to fandom #which is dumb bc like I have a life and need to make money yknow I got things to do #im just Stressed bc I’m at such a critical stage career wise and im getting closer to 26 so hhhhh healthcare coverage will be up in the air #so I really can’t afford to dawdle #there’s just so much I wanna do and while I’m not necessarily racing to get it done I still want to take advantage of the time I have #but it also sucks feeling like I’m giving up a part of myself to progress on another part of myself #I don’t think any of this makes sense sorry I just needed to dump my thoughts bc I am Terrified™️ #anyway personal projects! gotta get back to those ! #blahblahbills #delete later

[i-am-megalodonna]

When your host is having emotions

#collector's curse au #the two don't completely feel each other's emotions but feelings do carry over. if that makes sense #like if luz is angry the collector knows she's angry #but yknow. empathy #luz is definitely more empathetic but i had a mental image #regardless it's probably a bit overwhelming to carry the emotions of two people #toh #the owl house #the collector #collector toh #toh collector #megalodonart

[tracle0]

Girl, you see that house? Fucking weird place. let’s go

#art #artist #artist on tumblr #digital art #original art #my art #once again obsessed with james fenner I don't think this is stopping anytime soon #would be cool to do a piece like this in like. gouache I think mm #hey fun fact! I'm watching a stream by him right this second that's neat! #drew this with an intended character in mind. Once again did not get the vibes quite right but hey #I like how the yellows really pop out of the sky. Learnt how to use an overlay layer to make colours go BAM and now colours go BAM #unsure how I feel about the overwhelming blue but! oh well #also like the lil dot plants at the front and the garland through the trees #there used to be a shooting star in this piece until B was like 'haha looks like it's going to hit the house' and I couldn't unsee it #wasn't quite the vibe! not the right vibe #I'm gonna go back offline now I think maybe #we'll see yknow #trade-marked

[curiosity-killed]

The thing about working at a Small, Toxic Office and then a Small, Weird as Hell Office is that the latter regularly has conversations that dive straight over the concept of work/life boundaries, too, but it’s almost universally in the category of “overly generous and compassionate” instead of “manipulating and exploiting you”

#like no I don’t think the head of the company should offer to get me a private Pilates class with her favorite instructor #and say I can come to her house anytime to use *her* instructor #but it does feel very different from my boss crying on me about how overwhelmed she is while I reassure her of her worth #as a human being while I am actively being pushed into significant unpaid overtime #like #yknow? #boundaries are good and there are things where I’m like. perhaps! we should not continue this habit here #but it is rather different #personal #*to use her reformer 😭 not instructor

[giverofempathy]

i love love love it when things work out for me today was so good !!!!

#salisha speaks #went to the gym and it was a bit overwhelming but i went !!!! #spend the rest of the day doing little things that made me happy like reading n crochething #and i just prepped a meal for lunch tomorrow !!! #small steps but good steps :-) #yknow gonna get a bit spiritual here but i did the Rooknachten and i pulled one oracle card for every new month of 2024 #and for january i got the Love card from that deck and its actually been so helpful? #like when i don't feel so good i can pull myself out of it by reminding myself that i am loved and that i can make choices #out of love instead of fear! and it will show change in my life!! #it feels comforting and safe :-) i love love

[flowercrowngods]

hi my inbox is full of so much love and affection right now and i swear i am not ignoring anyone, i see all your "you make me happy" asks and your cat pics and your "i hope you have a wonderful day" messages but i swear i'm not ignoring you, i'm just gonna bask in them a little longer 🥰🤍

#just thought i would mention that i am not annoyed by any of you or ignoring you or anything #and also it is crazy that i am. wild take incoming but uh. that i can be someone to some people again without uh panic or nausea #it's been a journey (a wild and long and hard journey) but some of you have made me into someone for yourselves and that thought is not #as scary or overwhelming as it would have been in november when i made this account as a fresh start after uh. #manipulation and gaslighting and being abandoned. yknow the usual #and uh. i can say 'i love you' back again (in that platonic way). it's still mostly ily instead of the real deal but!!! i dont feel like i' #manipulating anyone anymore with just. yknow. being myself. and i'm coming out of my shell more #just some uh introspection here after (and among) weeks of depression idk it's not all bad and depression doesn't diminish the progress #and i'm realising that in this second and i know following this blog is probably like a rollercoaster and still feel like the most annoying #person on tumblr but!!! i can say 'ily'. and i can be affectionate. and i'm just gonna focus on that some more tonight :3 #and i'm gonna bask in all the love in my inbox. and look at all y'all's kitties 🤍 i am rambly but i am making this space for myself #and i let myself take it. and i let that be okay. and for now that's enough ✨ #(okay dio out. flower for you 🌷)

[turtletoria]

i think im struggling to enjoy new shows and movies because they feel like homework

#not art #im so easily overwhelmed by everything these days. too much for my brain to catch up to i feel like #which is so sad because i want to join the part-ay yknow!!! but i Cannot... which is sad :-( #life is just the squidward watching spongebob and patrick through the window meme picture #also is it just me or is anyone else so tired of everything having lore these days??? is it not enough to be enjoyable on its own...

[the-one-who-lambs]

I'm sorry that I've been feeling so shit about my work lately, and today definitely didn't help for the most part, but... I also can barely believe how many of y'all have told me I've inspired you, or that you joined the fandom because of me, or that you've become a writer because of me. I literally can't even fathom that. You all make me want to keep going. Even when my brain's mean to me.

Like... I'm still trying to convince myself that anything I write is worth posting but y'all are so much louder than some shitty anon and that makes it so much easier to rebound. Which.. will probably happen sometime this week lol.

My experience in the cult of the lamb fandom has been nothing but positive except for this one blip (that technically went back to like July but whatever).

#hannah's rambles #i still feel like shit but i'm also so overwhelmed with love. #yknow? #(no) (i dont even know what I'm talking about)

[possiblytracker]

MY FINAL GRADES CAME IN AND MY DEGREE CLASS IM TECHNICALLY A GRADUATE NOW..

#GOT A 2:1 IM VERY HAPPY WITH THAT #ITS LIKE. THE B OF UK DEGREES #NOTHING I CANT DO WITH IT EITHER WAY IM VERY PLEASED :) #did SURPRISINGLY very well on my research paper as well. yknow. the one that ruined my life for 2 months #its not like!! official til the graduation Ceremony in july #but AUGH. now it FINALLY feels more real. shit man i really did that #and now i am back home. and my attention can turn from house cleaning/moving out to Art #and. um. fixing my social life a little more #but gimme a hot second i am so tired from travel and also the huge overwhelming release from anxiety

[monsterbisexual]

i already feel like today is gonna be hard for me :/

#p #ive been at work like 5 mins n awake less than an hour but like #i already feel like im gonna not be able to deal w anything n i struggle w that on normal days #like work is v stressful n overwhelming for me anytime #but i just woke up feeling :((( yknow #like physically its gonna be not good n stressful n then that makes me feel worse emotionally ofc #maybe ill be wrong abt this but i just feel like i wanna cry already n the only stuff so far has been #feeling bad n gross physically+being here is too bright n loud which im used to but doesnt help #wanna curl up at home but alas. can do that in 8 hrs tho :( #<= well now ive been here later (tag abt how long ive been at work) cuz i was trying to find a pic to use alsjdk

[sophiethewitch1]

If it's not obvious I have a poor relationship with the concept of rest and recovery

#sophie speaks #hm. tumblr my next therapy appointment is in months i must tell you this #tw vent #ig?? i joke too much #wish j had dick and jay here to take care of me #just know that theyd be the best at taking care of you when you're sick #damian and tim are loving of course but i feel like theyd be a bit overwhelming #theyre the types to tie you to the bed if you try and run off #no fun. only rest. if you dont eat this soup he handcrafted for you he is going to start screaming #i should just write this actually i might try that tomorrow #feels just indulgent enough to not give me a headache yknow #tumblr tags IS therapy what do you mean

[polaraffect]

lol you know it's bad when you start going "okay so if I just give up now and fully fail this class, how bad will it really be?"

#damien.txt #answer: not.... that bad? could be worse. #leaves my gpa at like. 3.7. so. that's really not that terrible #but also would be bad no matter what if i went into grad school or something like that #but also i dont even know if ill do that bc the sheer concept feels overwhelming and awful #like...... ngl. im at this point where im like. willing to give up on that lol #im just.... so tired. and i dont have the motivation nor passion to get through grad school yknow? #so. other options would be ideal. perhaps. #but yeah. it's pretty bad #might change it to pass/fail but like. legit can't tell if that's more or less worth. considering im prob going to fail either way #have an academic meeting abt it in like 3 hrs lol but yeah. just having a lot of thoughts #ahahaha academics when you have mental illnesses that are unmedicated is! awful!