#patricians palace

[specialsituationsgroup]

Lego Discworld - Patrician's Palace

Patrician's palace exterior with Ankh-Morpork coat of arms. Giant beehive / pidgeon roost / clack's tower on roof. Statue of old Stoneface and hoho in front. City catacombs under the surface.

Palace interior with secret passage. Palace garden with lilac bush and BS Johnson's exploding fountain. Ginger tom and unprofitable butterfly.

Patrician's palace, closed, front.

Havelock Vetinari, Wuffles and Igor in the puke green room. Includes candle stub on nightstand and candle stick hidden in the chest of drawers.

Mr Pump in Vetinari's study. Incudes a crossword puzzle/thud board, music sheet and the manuscript of The Servant.

Leonard of Quirm, Sybil Ramkin, Erol and Rufus Drumknott in Leonard's atelier. Includes the model of the Kite, device for removing mountains, internal combustion kettle, scultping and painting equipment, and Vetinari's portrait.

Library / secret passage. Includes Oswald, modle of the disc and a death mask / head for young Vetinari.

The low king of Dwarves in the Oblong office. Includes Vetinari's and Drumknott's desks, "world's best boss" mug, and dog biscuit.

Commander Vimes, Angua von Uberwald and lord Rust in the Rat's chamber. Includes sprig of lilac, old Stoneface's axe, and Angua's collar / stygium ring.

Otto Chirk and palace guard in the waitng room / entrance / throne room / ball room. Inclues Vetinari's clock and the gilded throne of Ankh.

Palace Cook / Glenda Sugerbean / Grace Speaker / Interchangable Emma and food taster / Young Sam in the Kitchen. Includes bread, water and hardboiled egg. Roasting salmon, caviar and goblet of blood. Wine, cheese and a spoon.

Foul ole Ron and Rincewind in the treasury. Includes snake and scorpion. Paper money, Agatean gold coin and a head of cabage.

Tears of the mushtoom and Detritus in the saferoom / bathroom. Includes matress and shaving equipment. Bathtub, chamber pot with nightsoil, and shoft lavatory paper.

Moist in the janitor's closet / botomless pit. Includes trap door and chain for mimes. Stoker Blake's shovel and the Sweeper's broom.

Death / mime and death of rats / rat spy in the dungeon. Includes barred door, Dwarven locks, and a plaque inscribed learn the words.

Possible minifig permutations, with acessories:

Charlie, assasin Vetinari, Patrician Vetinari, Stoker Blake

Drumknott, Vetinari, Adora Dearheart, Albert Spangler.

Vimes under the Summoning Dark, young constable Vimes, Commander Vimes, Sargent Keel, Sir Samuel the duke of Anhk.

BLT Sybil, Dragonbreeder Sybil, dwarf opera Sybil.

Buggy Swires, Nobby Nobs, Fred Colon, Angua von Uberwald, Carrot Ironfounderson. Commander Vimes, Reg Shoe, Cuddy, Cherry.

Groat, Moist, Stanley

Ponder Stibbons, Mustrum Ridcully and Rincewind

Mrs Rosie Palm, lady Sybil Ramkin, madam Roberta Mersole

Otto Chirk, Margolata von Ubervald, dragon king of arms

Dragon king of arms, lord Rust, mr Pin and mr Tulip, Reacher Gilt, mr Slant, lord Downey

Low king of dwarves, Bashful Bashfullson, Cuddy, Cherry

Buggy Swires, Tears of the Musroom, Of the lathe the swarf

#lego #discworld #patricians palace #ankh morpork #moc #vetinari

[dimity-lawn]

#discworld #gnu terry pratchett #meme #discworld meme #created by yours truly #the watch #feet of clay #sam vimes #vimes #carrot #carrot ironfoundersson #patricians palace #food/drink #cheery #cheri #cheri littlebottom #cheery littlebottom

[thiswaycomessomethingwicked]

Chapters: 36/44 Fandom: Discworld - Terry Pratchett Rating: Explicit Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Relationships: Lord Downey/Havelock Vetinari, Downey/Others Additional Tags: let your dad die energy drink is a direct inspiration for my restarting this story, everything is a poison, it's the dose that matters, Family Issues, Period-Typical Homophobia, Classism, AM is an early modern city, and so the values/social norms reflect that, Not Beta Read, We Die Like Men, Downey POV, Significant Age Difference, between downey and one of his past Decisions, like. Significant., it's very very May-December, typical sex acts you'd expect in this sort of thing:, Anal, Fingering, Blow Jobs, etc. - Freeform, some slurs show up in a sibling fight, there's potential dub-con - depending on where one's personal line is drawn Series: Part 3 of coveting desperate things Summary:

After No More a Desolate Thing Downey and Vetinari are muddling through this thing called a ReLaTiOnShIp. Unfortunate segues into the past which runs parallel to the present occur namely because families are a sticky business, always, and things that happened thirty years ago have a strange ability to cycle back through your life. Oh, and there's been a death.

---

‘Downey,’ Vetinari intones as a greeting. Downey cheerfully drags a chair over from the fireplace and throws himself into it. Vetinari looks up from his papers, nostrils flare as he exhales.

‘Your lordship. A beautiful morning.’

‘It’s pouring rain.’

‘A terrible morning,’ Downey corrects. ‘Absolutely miserable. How may I be of service?’

‘I don’t believe I gave you leave to sit down.’

Downey smiles winningly. ‘You did not.’

Vetinari purses his lips, tilting his head to inspect the ceiling for a long moment before he levels his eyes back on Downey’s face. ‘I do hope you are aware that you’re making me go grey early.’

‘Early, your lordship? We’re the same age, more or less. I went grey twenty years ago and therefore I believe you may handle having a few such hairs yourself named after me.’

‘I’m beginning to suspect you’re taking a perverse pleasure in causing untold disruptions to my day.’

Downey shakes his head. No, no, not at all. Truly, he thinks, Vetinari must know by now that Downey is doing all of this out of a sense of principle.

DOWNEY! stop being a menace to your boyfriend for more than 10 seconds (he can’t). 

annnnd we are now getting the slow wrap up of things + many appendices 

#lord downey #writing #thus always the redux #discworld #vetinari #vimes #discworld fanfic #my favourite spooky ex of Downey's makes an appearance (I think it's his final one in-person. if I remember how the rest of the story goes). #Jocelyn: please continue being a menace. i love it. #Vetinari: once again I am begging you to please not encourage him #Downey: You two are not allowed to talk to each other. I forbid it. #Jocelyn: and then there was one time when William showed up drunker than a year of sundays and told me he had #broken into the patrician's palace and left salamir in Snapcase's sock drawer #Vetinari: please tell me more. #Downey: NO. STOP.

[pourablecat]

Miscellaneous pencil doodles

Found a 2B pencil and had some fun: my nerves are strung up so high lately...

#1: Igorina, stitching on that scalp. Came from long, painful memories of trying to gel individual hairs onto my scalp away from my neck when I was supposed to scrape everything into a clean, mess-less ballerina bun. You ever see people do that? How do you manage it? Kudos to all Igor(ina)s, and also our beloved Reg Shoe, I love imagining them repairing themselves with needle and thread in their spare time, I dunno, seems weirdly peaceful

#2: This came from my personal headcanon that Vetinari's "Si non confectus, non reficiat" motto applies to the Patrician's Palace. Hence, he never got around to fixing all the holes left in the corridors or whatnot by the dragon, and when winter comes the dirty snow blows in and leaves terrible moldy patches (he also insists in sleeping in his old room, the one the dragon blasted a hole in. Y'know, the several-floor drop to the main hall hole?)

#3: Sam Jr., sleepy... which I am too, by the way. Just a moment and Da will pack everything up and come read Where's my Cow? I know my last Sybil isn't black, but none of my character designs are solid at all. In fact, this was supposed to be a Sybil sketch before I realized it was running in entirely the wrong direction! Says a lot about how I draw.

#discworld #discworld fanart #Igorina #samuel vimes #samuel vimes jr. #god this is so confusing #young vimes #Monstrous Regiment #I love imagining buildings around Ankh-Morpork #The Patrician's Palace is a total intentional ruin #I know how Sybil's dragon shed is reinforced with steel and stuff in the text #but I can't help imagining it as a whimsical little greenhouse-like glass thing #looking out over a crag onto the whole city #Also #the post office is totally Art Nouveau #Broken stained glass and banisters curling all the way up to the top #gnu terry pratchett

[thesimline]

The simple, clean lines of 1300s male fashion gave way to a more elaborate and square silhouette come the 1400s. Armour used to consist of full body chain mail with a simple tunic over top, but come the Renaissance it had evolved into the plated armour we typically associate with medieval knights, and was worn by both army men and nobility.

You can find more of my historical content here: 1300s ✺ 1400s ✺ 1500s ✺ 1600s

OUTFIT RESOURCES

King: Crown | Hair | Beard (Seasons) | Gown | Ring

Prince: Crown | Hair (TSR) | Outfit | Cloak | Rings (TSR)

Duke: Crown | Hair (direct download - The Chorus Curls by Retro Pixels) | Beard (Base Game) | Armour

Minstrel: Hair (retired CC) | Outfit

Knight: Helmet | Armour (TSR)

Soldier: Coif | Outfit

Patrician: Hat | Hair (TSR) | Beard (Cottage Living) | Outfit

Merchant: Hat | Hair (Realm of Magic) | Beard (retired CC) | Outfit | Rings Right (TSR) | Ring Left (TSR)

Citizen: Hat | Hair (Seasons) | Beard (Cottage Living) | Outfit

Tradesman: Head Covering | Hair (City Living) | Outfit

Labourer: Hair (High School Years) | Beard | Outfit

Peasant: Hat | Hair (Horse Ranch) | Beard (TSR) | Scarf | Outfit | Hose (TSR) | Shoes

With thanks to some amazing creators: @simverses @imvikai @thesensemedieval @scoobysnaxsims @glitterberrysims @albumenplumbob @lilis-palace @hezzasims @igorstory @zx-ta @blvck-life-simz @wiccandove

#ts4 #ts4 cc cas #the sims 4 #ts4 decades challenge #sims 4 decades challenge #ts4 cc #ts4 historical #ts4 history challenge #sims 4 history challenge #sims 4 historical #ts4 medieval #1400s #15th century #ultimate decades challenge #ts4 lookbook #lookbook #renaissance #medieval #historical lookbook

[higgsbison]

p1 p2 p3

#discworld #discworld elysium #havelock vetinari #sam vimes #angua von uberwald #the absolute state of this #I had to reupload the whole post over some weird formatting cause tumblr wont let you edit polls #sergeant my brain demons have the picking silly option disease and it's terminal

[coffeb-u-n-n-y]

I'm reading Terry Pratchett's "Raising Steam" right now and I honestly don't understand why we haven't praised this scene so much.

Exhausted, and in defiance of custom and practice, health and safety – but, on the other hand, with all the glory of the gods of style – to the dismay of the palace guards he rode the golem horse all the way up the steps to the door of the Oblong Office. There he was pleased to see Drumknott, who deftly opened the door and stepped backwards so quickly that Moist, by ducking, managed to trot neatly to within a foot of Lord Vetinari’s desk.

Unruffled, the Patrician lowered his coffee mug and said, 'Mister Lipwig. It is customary to knock before entering my office'

Moist flew into Vetinari's office on a golem horse and Vetinari was just like "I'm not impressed with this cockiness, but you definitely should have done it a little more politely"

I CAN'T

#terry pratchett #discworld #lord vetinari #havelock vetinari #moist von lipwig #raising steam

[memories-of-ancients]

The Restoration of the Roman Republic ... in the Middle Ages? The Forgotten Commune of Rome

Today it seems men often have Rome on their minds with Tik Toks and polls indicating that men often think about Rome on a daily basis. I'm assuming that most of these thoughts revolve around the Roman Empire, lesser so the Roman republic, some the Eastern Roman (Byzantine Empire), and few think about the Roman monarchy. However I guarantee that almost no one thinks about the medieval Roman Republic known as the Commune of Rome.

In the 12th century central Italy was directly ruled by the Pope through the Papal States. One of the hot topic political issues of the day was the "investiture controversy", which was debate over who had the power to install bishops and other important clergy; the Pope or secular authorities. This evolved into a debate on who would have ultimate governing authority, the Pope, or the secular government, most notably the Holy Roman Empire. At the time, many cities in Italy were growing disgruntled with the rule of the Pope and the rule of nobles who supported the Pope. This resulted in popular uprisings in which cities overthrew the Papal government and declared themselves independent, thus forming various city states and communes in Italy.

In 1143 a wealthy Italian banker named Geordano Pierlione led a revolt against Papal authority, kicking the Pope out of Rome and declaring an independent Commune of Rome. The next year a monk and priest named Arnold of Brescia arrived in the city, becoming the intellectual leader of the movement and establishing the new Roman Republic. Arnold was a controversial reformer who railed against abuses of Church and Papal authority, decried Church corruption, and advocated a thorough reformation of the Church. Among his ideas he believed that clergy needed to return to apostolic poverty, renouncing all wealth and ownership of property, and also renouncing secular political power. Here's a statue of him in Brescia, Italy today.

With Arnold at it's head a new Roman government was formed and modeled after the ancient Roman Republic, with 56 senators who were not of noble class, 4 from each of Rome's medieval districts, and executive authority invested in a "patrician". The new republic refused to use the title "consul" as it had become an inherited noble title after the fall of the Western Roman Empire. Nobles and aristocrats above the rank of knight were not allowed and thus most noble titles were abolished.

Of course the Pope, then Lucius II, was not going to tolerate such a rebellion and attempted to take back the city. In 1145 he formed an army and laid siege to the city. Amazingly the Romans drove away the invaders, with Pope Lucius II being killed in the battle after being bonked in the head with a rock.

The new republic flourished; drafting news laws, reforming medieval Roman society, making alliances with other Italian city states and war with others, setting up courts, and minting coins.

The Roman army was reformed, and a new capital building was constructed on the Capitoline Hill known as the Palazzo Senatorio (the Senate Palace), which still stands today but is much different after being heavily renovated by Michelangelo in the 1530's.

Originally the new Roman Republic swore fealty to the Holy Roman Emperor. However Rome and the Empire had a falling out. In 1149 the Roman Senate invited the German king Conrad III to the city to be coronated Roman Emperor. Rome's enemies were growing, so the Roman Senate offered Conrad this title in return for protection. Conrad had already been elected as Holy Roman Emperor and was due to be coronated, but the Roman Senate was proposing that he be THE Roman Emperor, as in like, a real Roman Emperor whose authority is defined by the Roman Senate, and not a Holy Roman Emperor whose authority was defined by the Pope and a loose confederation of high ranking German, Italian, Austrian, and Czech nobles. In the Holy Roman Empire the emperor is elected by the highest ranking nobles of the land. The Roman Senate was claiming that it had the authority to choose Roman emperors as the senate did during the ancient Roman Empire. Well, lets just say that Conrad probably didn't take too kindly to the Roman Senate attempting to usurp the governing structure of the Holy Roman Empire. In the middle ages a group of lower class burghers and knights cosplaying as Roman senators was not a good basis for a Europe spanning universal imperial monarchy. When Conrad died he was already cutting a deal with the Pope to snuff out the republic.

Conrad died in 1152 but his successor, Frederick Barbarossa continued the deal with the Pope to end the Roman Republic. It was one of the few times Frederick and the Pope agreed on anything. In 1155 a combined Papal/Imperial army invaded Rome. The city quickly fell and Arnold of Brescia was captured and burned at the stake. His ashes were scattered into the Tiber River.

Amazingly the Roman Republic lived on. Frederick Barbarossa was coronated by Pope Adrian IV as Holy Roman Emperor, an act which led to a new revolt among the Romans. Frederick put down this revolt, killing 1,000 Romans in the process, but afterwards he simply left the city and never returned after becoming bogged down in the complex politics of Italy. The Pope also left Rome, having to deal with a papal schism, resulting in no one being left in charge of the city and thus another restoration of the Roman Republic.

In 1167 Rome made war on the neighboring city of Tusculum, a long time rival of Rome who had supported the Pope and became a papal capital after the foundation of the republic. The Count of Tusculum appealed for help to the Holy Roman Empire, and Frederick I sent a small army of 1600 men. The Romans had an army of 10,000 made up of peasant militia who were poorly armed and poorly trained. While heavily outnumbered the Imperial army consisted of well armed and trained knights and professional soldiers. The Imperial army easily defeated the Romans at the Battle of Monte Porizio on May 29th, 1167, a battle which would later be called, "the Cannae of the Middle Ages". The Imperial army would continue to march on Rome, but by a stroke of luck for the Romans would be struck with the plague and forced to turn back. The Romans got their revenge against Tusculum in 1183 when they conquered and burned the city to the ground Carthage style.

The beginning of the end of the republic came in 1188 when Pope Clement III made a power sharing deal with the senate in which the people would elect senators but the Pope would have to approve the senators. The senate agreed to this in order to secure the protection of the Pope as the Holy Roman Empire was still a threat. Over the coming decades popes would reduce the number of senators until by the early 13th century, there was just one. Soon that single senate post was directly chosen by the Pope, and eventually it became a hereditary position. Before you knew it, French and Spanish nobles were becoming Roman senators and Roman senators ruled as autocrats at the behest of the Pope. By the end of the 13th century, the Roman Republic was dead.

#history #middle ages #medieval rome #roman republic #commune of rome #holy roman empire #pope

[absentmoon]

“There was little peculiarity towards the encounters, often as they were, for when one's home was situated rather companionably near the palace it was only natural that its master might show up, just once or twice. Of course little glimpses of the Patrician were to occur; but then that became a small instance of shared space on the street, a polite conversation, a brief exchange over the Times' new story on interesting vegetables, an unscheduled visit-turned-afternoon-tea — it all rather snowballed quite greatly. And therein lied the peculiarity.”

— a chance meeting.

#my excerpt. #daisy.png #discworld oc #♟️.havelock #lord vetinari #self ship

[cakesandfail]

Do you have any headcanons about how Vetinari ended up taking power?

Actually yes I do!

I wrote a fic about his first day in power that vaguely referenced this and while I don't have like, a fully fleshed out story, there are a few bits and pieces that I sort of bodged together from things in the books and what I personally find entertaining about him as a character:

There's a bit in Soul Music which says that there was a rat plague in Ankh-Morpork shortly before Vetinari came to power, and that his solution was "tax the rat farms". It's unclear in context whether this means he suggested it at the end of Snapcase's time in power or if it was one of the first things he did after he became Patrician. I've just gone ahead and assumed that the rat plague was the last straw for Snapcase and that actually having a good suggestion was one of the reasons Vetinari was in people's minds as a replacement

That then leads us to ask, well, what on earth was he doing there? He's been in power a fair while even by Guards Guards but chronologically must still only be in his early 40s by then, to have been in his late teens in the 30-years-ago bits of Night Watch (and he can't be older than that, because it's made fairly clear that he's in the Guild equivalent of secondary school at that time, and Vimes knows that the two of them are approximately the same age). Given his canonically hilariously long list of postgrad qualifications, he probably went straight from Assassins Guild grad school to the Oblong Office, more or less. Conclusion: he was the fucking INTERN. (or possibly working as a clerk, but calling him the intern is at least 500% funnier)

Given the running joke about him being this weird posh dude who doesn't seem like a threat until you remember where he was educated, I would imagine that his whole "ah capital jolly good here I go getting slang wrong again" bullshit started here. We know that among the Ankh-Morpork elite, pretending to be stupider than you really are is something that can both keep you safe and help you get away with a lot, because we see Vetinari and Vimes and Sybil do it. So this is where he got his practice. Bertie Wooster the FUCK out of your working day, quietly get on with the things that need to be done while nobody's looking, and nobody will realise because they just think you're Madam's weird nephew with the shit beard and the puppy

So, bearing all that in mind, picture this:

Snapcase is dead. The important people (at least, the people who think themselves important) converge on the palace. In a small room off the Oblong Office is a young man steadily working through a large pile of paperwork. Oh, yes, that's Madam's nephew, you know... Havelock, isn't it? They ask if he knows what's happened, and he says no, he has no idea, he's just been working his way through all these regulations, and gosh, they really are very dull. And... well... nobody else is here. And nobody else seems to understand the filing system, or the rest of the staff, or anything really. But he does.

This guy's had a few good ideas when he's been doing the minutes at various meetings, that makes him a plausible candidate surely? And he's so young, so he's going to need a lot of guidance from helpful, experienced folks, right? How useful. He's just smart enough not to be an obvious puppet. Very handy indeed.

And the cream of Ankh-Morpork society being what they are (truly the cream- rich and thick) they don't realise until it's far too late that this lanky goth weirdo they'd thought would do their bidding knows everything about everyone and he's been quietly furious about the result of the Glorious 25th for over a decade. And, whoops, they'd somehow forgotten that he didn't spend all of that time on Guild postgraduate courses doing resits. Oh dear. And now he's their boss.

#patricianblogging #i have wanted to go into detail about this for AGES thank you for giving me an excuse

[hermitmoss]

meeting on the patrician's palace stairs

[image: a messy, coloured, brown-toned drawing of vetinari and vimes based on the painting 'meeting on the turret stairs'. vetinari is going up, leaning on his cane. vimes is going down, kissing and holding vetinari's hand. vimes has a knee brace under his half-armour.]

#vetvimes #discworld #havelock vetinari #sam vimes #captioned #art #* #my art

[specialsituationsgroup]

Patrician's palace v1.1 + extras

So I made acouple of changes, hopefully improvments.

First, swapped the warm yellow and metalic gold for pearl gold. Swapped metalic silver and black for regular light gray and black. Moved Old Stoneface into a dynamic pose. Changed the stair fence to reach waist high and flow better. Lowered the "wood" arcs so they don't cover the gutter rail.

Bigger arches to make the attic cleaner and more spacious.

Main cast in minifigs.

Far back row: Angua, commander Vimes, palace guard, Detritus, Rincewind Back row: Foul Ole Ron, place cook / Emma / Glenda / Grace Speaker, Death / mime, lord Rust, Igor Mid row: Otto, Tears of the Mushroom, Sybil, Erol, Moist, Mr Pump Near row: Dwarf king, Drumknott, Vetinari, Leonard, food taster / young Sam. Front row: head for young Vetinari

Changed Igor's head to yellow and a different face (no glowing eyes), to fit with yellow hands and to differentiate from the golems. Changed Rincewinds face to a scared expression.

Removed print on Vetinari's robes, changed Errol's color to lime.

Back row: Drumknott, Death v2, Adora Dearheart, Albert Spangler Mid row: Charlie, assasin Vetinari, patrician Vetinari, stoker Blake Front row: lizard Vetinari.

Back row: Vimes under Summoning Dark, constable Vimes, commander Vimes, sargent Keel, sir Samuel Front row: young Sybil, BLT Sybil, dragonbreeder Sybil with Erol, diplomat Sybil, young Sam

The rank and file. Taller Detritus with loincloth, without different armor. Same peice for Peicemaker and Fred's bow and arrow. New Igor/zombie head. Sally Humpeding.

Far back: Queen Molly, Foul Ole Ron, young Rosie, mrs Palm, madam Back row: Groat, Moist, Stanley, Gladys Near row: Stibbons, Ridcully, Rincewind Front row: Otto, Scarissa Chrisplock, Wiliam de Worde

The terrible trio.

#lego #discworld #ankh morpork #patricians palace #vetinari #gnu terry pratchett

[dimity-lawn]

#discworld #gnu terry pratchett #meme #discworld meme #created by yours truly #vetinari #havelock vetinari #lord vetinari #mustrum ridcully #ridcully #hughnon ridcully #wizard #death #reaper man #the patrician #patricians palace

[helenvader]

I just have to quote this in its entirety. 🤣 Trust Fred Colon to make Havelock feel slightly unsettled, and more than slightly ironic.

At precisely eleven o’clock there was a smart rap on Lord Vetinari’s door. The Patrician gave the woodwork a puzzled frown. At last he said: ‘Come.’

Fred Colon entered with difficulty. Vetinari watched him for a few moments until pity overcame even him.

‘Acting captain, it is not necessary to remain to attention at all times,’ he said kindly. ‘You are allowed to unbend enough for the satisfactory manipulation of a doorknob.’

‘Yes, sah!’

Lord Vetinari raised a hand to his ear protectively. ‘You may be seated.’

‘Yes, sah!’

‘You may be quieter, too.’

‘Yes, sah!’

Lord Vetinari retreated to the protection of his desk. ‘May I commend you on the gleam of your armour, acting captain—’

‘Spit and polish, sah! No substitute for it, sah!’ Sweat was streaming down Colon’s face.

‘Oh, good. Clearly you have been purchasing extra supplies of spit. Now then, let me see …’

Lord Vetinari drew a sheet of paper from one of the small stacks in front of him. ‘Now then, acti—’

‘Sah!’

‘To be sure. I have here another complaint of over-enthusiastic clamping. I’m sure you know to what I refer.’

‘It was causing serious traffic congestion, sah!’

‘Quite so. It is well known for it. But it is, in fact, the opera house.’

‘Sah!’

‘The owner feels that big yellow clamps at each corner detract from what I might call the tone of the building. And, of course, they do prevent him from driving it away.’

‘Sah!’

‘Indeed. I think that this is a case where discretion might be advisable, acting captain!’

‘Got to make an example to the others, sah!’

‘Ah. Yes.’ The Patrician held another piece of paper delicately between thumb and forefinger, as though it was some rare and strange creature. ‘The others being … let me see if I can recall, some things do stick in the mind so … ah, yes … three other buildings, six fountains, three statues and the gibbet in Nonesuch Street. Oh, and my own palace.’

‘I fully understand you’re parked on business, sah!’

Lord Vetinari paused. He found it difficult to talk to Frederick Colon. He dealt on a daily basis with people who treated conversation as a complex game, and with Colon he had to keep on adjusting his mind in case he overshot. ‘Pursuing the business of your recent career with, I have to admit, some considerable and growing fascination, I am moved to ask you why the Watch now appears to have a staff of twenty.’

‘Sah?’

‘You had around sixty a little while ago, I’m sure.’

Colon mopped his face. ‘Cutting out the dead wood, sah! Making the Watch leaner an’ fitter, sah!’

‘I see. The number of internal disciplinary charges you have laid against your men’ – and here the Patrician picked up a much thicker document – ‘seems somewhat excessive. I see no fewer than one hundred and seventy-three offences of eyeballing, earlobing and nostrilling, for example.’

‘Sah!’

‘Nostrilling, acting captain?’

‘Sah!’

‘Oh. And I see, ah yes, one charge of “making his arm fall off in an insubordinate way” laid against Constable Shoe. Commander Vimes has always given me glowing reports about this officer.’

‘’e’s a nasty piece of work, sah! You can’t trust the dead ones!’

‘Nor, it would seem, most of the live ones.’

‘Sah!’ Colon leaned forward, his face twisted in a ghastly grimace of conspiratoriality. ‘Between you and me, sir, Commander Vimes was a good deal too soft on them. He let them get away with too much. No sugar is safe, sah!’

Vetinari’s eyes narrowed, but the telescopes on Planet Colon were far too unsophisticated to detect his mood.

‘I certainly recall him mentioning a couple of officers whose time-keeping, demeanour, and all-round uselessness were a dreadful example to the rest of the men,’ said the Patrician.

‘There’s my point,’ said Colon triumphantly. ‘One bad apple ruins the whole barrel!’

‘I think there’s only a basket now,’ said the Patrician. ‘A punnet, possibly.’

‘Don’t you worry about a thing, your lordship! I’ll turn things around. I’ll soon get them smartened up!’

‘I am sure you have it in you to surprise me even further,’ said Vetinari, leaning back. ‘I shall definitely keep my eye on you as the man to watch. And now, acting captain, do you have anything else to report?’

‘All nice and quiet, sah!’

‘I would that it was,’ said Vetinari. ‘I was just wondering if there was anything going on involving any person in this city called’ – he looked down at another sheet of paper – ‘Sonky?’

Captain Colon almost swallowed his tongue. ‘Minor matter, sah!’ he managed.

‘So, Sonky is alive?’

‘Er … found dead, sah!’

‘Murdered?’

‘Sah!’

‘Dear me. Many people would not consider that a minor matter, acting captain. Sonky, for one.’

‘Well, sah, not everyone agrees with what he does, sah.’

‘Are we by any chance talking about Wallace Sonky? The manufacturer of rubber goods?’

‘Sah!’

‘Boots and gloves seem non-controversial to me, acting captain.’

‘It’s, er, the other stuff, sah!’ Colon coughed nervously. ‘He makes them rubber wallies, sah.’

‘Ah. The preventatives.’

‘Lot of people don’t agree with that sort of thing, sah.’

‘So I understand.’

Colon drew himself up to attention again. ‘Not natural, in my view, sah. Not in favour of unnatural things.’

Vetinari looked perplexed. ‘You mean, you eat your meat raw and sleep in a tree?’

‘Sah?’

‘Oh, nothing, nothing. Someone in Uberwald seems to be taking an interest in him lately. And now he’s dead. I would not dream of telling the Watch their job, of course.’ He watched Colon carefully to see if this had sunk in. ‘I said that it is entirely up to you to choose what to investigate in this bustling city,’ he prompted.

Colon was lost in unfamiliar country without a map. ‘Thank you, sah!’ he barked.

Vetinari sighed. ‘And now, acting captain, I’m sure there’s much that needs your attention.’

‘Sah! I’ve got plans to—’

‘I meant, do not let me detain you.’

‘Oh, that’s all right, sir, I’ve got plenty of time—’

‘Goodbye, Acting Captain Colon.’

Out in the anteroom Fred Colon stood very still for a while, until his heartbeat wound down from a whine to at least a purr.

It had, on the whole, gone quite well. Very well. Amazingly well, really. His lordship had practically taken him into his confidence. He’d called him ‘a man to watch’.

#discworld #pratchett quotes #the fifth elephant #havelock vetinari #fred colon #purchasing extra supplies of spit #🤣

[zagreuses-art]

Chapter 9: The Talk of the Town (also here on A03)

If he had not been so tired, Vimes would have mastered his instincts, swallowed his need and walked away, but he was swimming in a fog. So he did not rise, but remained seated before his Patrician, because this was where his penance must happen.

“I could have prevented it.” Vimes bowed his head, unable to meet Vetinari’s eyes. “I was right there, just down the street. I would have heard the cry for help, heard the door shut, heard something.” He forced the next words out between his teeth. “But I was asleep. I was asleep against the wall.”

For a long moment, there was silence, except for Wuffles fidgeting.

[ID: a digitally colored pencil sketch of Vimes and Vetinari in the palace gardens. Vimes is sitting on a bench, hunched over with his head in one hand, looking stressed. Vetinari is standing away from the end of the bench, holding wuffles against his chest, and looking away from Vimes. His cane is leaned up against the bench. There is golden afternoon lighting on the scene, the garden has blue petunias along the path that the bench is on, a pink Camelia bush behind Vetinari, a grass lawn, and a line of red rose bushes against the far wall. End ID]

Bonus sketch of this Doctor Henry guy everyone keeps talking about

[ID: a digitally colored pencil sketch of a handsome man in a doctors jacket and a blue-grey waistcoat. He is white with strong cheekbones, a chiseled chin, blue eyes, and neatly slicked back brown hair. There are little sparkles around his head. End ID]

#discworld #vimes #samuel vimes #vetinari #wuffles #my art #digital art #traditional art #discworld fanart #putting the commander to bed #taking advantage of the flower symbolism #i'll draw wuffles better one day hes a bit indistinct in this one #tried to make dr henry look both handsome and kinda tired and freaky #had fun with the golden hour lighting

[pratchettquotes]

Rumor is information distilled so finely that it can filter through anything. It does not need doors and windows--sometimes it doesn't even need people. It can exist free and wild, running from ear to ear without ever touching lips.

It had escaped already. From the high window of the Patrician's bedroom, Sam Vimes could see people drifting towards the palace. There wasn't a mob--there wasn't even what you might call a crowd--but the Brownian motion of the streets was bouncing more and more people in his direction.

Terry Pratchett, Feet of Clay

#samuel vimes #havelock vetinari #feet of clay #discworld #terry pratchett #ankh morpork #rumor #gossip #information #communication #group dynamics #group think #psychology #people #people watching #crowds #news #mob #the brownian motion of the streets #information finely distilled