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eatmangoesnekkid · 19 days

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The Kill: To Come Fully Alive in Your Female Body is to Know How to Give Death Like a Country Woman Who Knows How to Process Her Home-Grown, Organically-Raised Chickens When It's Time

How I Reprogram My Cells With New Narratives Using My Imagination and After Care (My Gift to Readers On Tumblr)

I'm almost 48 years old and every month my body releases a healthy beautiful egg because it is still trying to have a big chunky baby.

I'm not peri-menopausal yet but will be using this year to reprogram my tissues with new narratives around menopause beyond the dehydrating stories I can feel trapped in my female line. The keycode here is that it takes time so you must begin now....early.

I'm deeply a strategic and proactive woman in all my fairy playfulness and do not dissociate from any cycle of my body or womanhood in any way. Instead I spend time reprogramming my cells and lovingly planting new narratives into my body, in this case, around the experience of menopause. No doctor will prescribe pills or other substances for my natural female cycles that I have already falling in love with. The keycode here is that your love for the process is essential.

I find comfort in the present moment and I also find comfort in imagining and projecting into the future. I do not fear menopause. I do not hold common expectations that it will be difficult or dry out my pussy or my libido will fall as the culture teaches. I am clear that I won't need hormonal medication. I consciously use my energy to envision myself in the details of what I desire in life as a radiant, flexible, wet, high libido, sassy, symptom-free menopausal woman. But I don't just envision, I feel the emotions of being radiant, flexible, wet, etc. OUR EMOTIONS CONNECT US INTO THE UNIVERSE.

I am often lightyears ahead of what we call "time." Ancient-future. I am planting cosmic seeds now BEFORE my menopause years and continue to take action in the desired direction through staying active and continuing to work on my flexibility and inner beauty—forgiving, clearing, letting go, and dreaming. “Yoh, the fuck you mean ‘wait and see, ’” I thought to myself after a woman waiting in line with me at the airport said that menopause will be the worst time of my life. I responded back in the gentlest manner, " Ma'am, my menopause will not be difficult and I will not feel hot nor lose my high libido.” Haha I said that to her and continued, “I'm not an average woman and anm already programming my future menopausal years in which I rest well at night and wake up aroused for the day. I appreciate your well-intentioned words but they do not apply to me nor do I consent to that experience. I’m such a weird one—not regular. Never been.” The keycode here is that you must be willing to cut people off at the neck who subtly lead life from a victimized position about their own bodies and attempt to place that same energy onto you, even with well-meaning intentions. She was a lovely woman otherwise —and I knew she meant well but I also knew that she giving me feedback on what lives deep in my body, in the hidden and unconscious. I can’t see it but I felt it in our interaction. Therefore I wasn’t really metaphorically cutting HER neck off. I was starting the journey of severing the part of my female lineage that feels the same way as she does. I will repeat this process over and over again in my imagination, then begin the journey of self-soothing my tissues and nervous system with lots of intentional massage, juicing, and rest. What we give death to is still a valuable part that our psyches will miss interacting with, a part that up to now has made us feel safe and held. Lots of self-soothing and letting our tissues know that we will be okay without this aspect of self are essential after care.

I always ask the earth for support and speak my desires into the orange trees as I'm picking fruit, walking through a park, or hiking. The keycode here is that you need initiate support from another divine authority, whether nature, God, your ancestors, etc.

I permit myself to see my future menopausal self being juicy and abundant.

I have always lived my life this way--often 2-3 steps ahead of the game, laughing and playing a lot along the way.

Too many women and other female bodied people are stuck and trapped by the trauma they have programmed to believe about themselves (their cells). It's important that you remember who you are--a magical woman and experience this reality lightheartedly, playfully, and magically accordingly. The keycode here is that your playfulness and lightheartedness help to release any resistances. They become your fuel and battery propelling you forward into your next level or landing you directly into a quantum leap.

Maybe you aren’t concerned about menopause yet but you can apply these key codes to any other aspects of your life. --India Ame'ye, Author

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woodscreature · 2 months

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a couple more for @apawlo! this is Mackenzie and Peri

I'm really enjoying sprite edits and I am learning the hgss spriting style. gonna do some fully original stuff in this style soon I'm psyched

#pokemon #pokemon fanart #pokemon OC #pixel art #my art #spritework #sprite edit #mackenzie #peri

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unskilledpoint · 1 month

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sorry if this is dumb but what. would a "better place" look like..?

I do want to talk but its for sad/ventish reasons so im guessing "not this"

- peri mod

better place wld be liek. not constantly wantign to kill yrself. genuinely tryign to take care of yrself & yr health. & yr psyche. & js liek. givign a shit abt yrself or at least tryign to.

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justbee007 · 1 year

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PAUSE, BREATHE, AND THINK

Menopause, menopause, menopause……. Pre-menopause, peri-menopause, and post-menopause.

LET’S PAUSE!!

Isn’t this psyching us? Or at least it is psyching me up.

All over the internet, Facebook, Instagram, social media, or any site u visit there are reels on how menopause is affecting women, advice on how to deal with it, or some advertisements wherein they promote a brand of medicines to help us deal with this natural phenomenon.The other day I happened to be scrolling up the Instagram reels and I found ‘A TO Z’ SYMPTOMS OF MENOPAUSE PROBLEMS…for e.g. A for anxiety, B for bloating, C for cycle changes, and so on and so forth till Z

WOW… amazing I couldn’t have even said normal alphabetical problems from A to Z. The whole concept of menopause and its so-called effects have been given so much importance, that of course my awareness has increased multifold on this topic, but it has also led me to consciously psyche myself up that if I don’t feel these -then probably I am not undergoing pre, peri and post-menopause. This is such a natural phenomenon, which every woman’s body undergoes physically, emotionally, and psychologically. By merely seeing all the promotions of this natural phenomenon so often, I have rather become very sensitive to this and I expect all these symptoms to occur to me as well…

To come to think of it, I may actually for real not even undergo any of these at all and it could be a smooth sailing process but by psyching myself up with this awareness I’m actually allowing this worry to settle in my subconscious levels and letting myself to undergo this.

Why can’t we ‘just let it be’ as what it is and not confuse and lead our minds into letting all these symptoms to happen? Let it just flow, let us not attach too much importance to this, and let’s just live, maybe by this it may just come and go. Allow the body to move on, the changes may be comfortable or may not, but it has to pass, we have to go ahead in this journey, and we have to surpass this phase, so let’s be positive and feel that it’s just normal and has been happening for years.

Do we ever remember our moms or our aunts or grandmoms ranting about this so much? Though u may say that its un awareness but I think they just didn’t give too much importance to this and let life happen the way it had to and dealt with it with much more perseverance, endurance, and courage. I know of someone who just mentioned to me that she is scared of how she is going to go through this phase of menopause and is scared that age is advancing towards it.

Yes, one beautiful advantage of this is at least our family and friends understand us when we are in this stage of life, which is encouraging. Well, that’s my thought on this journey of aging gracefully process, as we all enter into the next phase of life, accepting this and allowing it to happen simply without attaching too much importance is good enough for us to be happy.

Stay fit and stay healthy.

#health and wellness #healthy lifestyle #women #fitness #life #menopause #periods #womenhealth #mentalhealth #awareness #stay happy

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agallimaufryofoddments · 1 year

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Hypothetically Heckling Hyperbolically

Scene: If Huey had been a couple years younger and able to overhear Ronny and Elmer’s peri-drowning conversation...

⁂

(TL;DR)

Ronny: Magic mirror of the sea, who is the unlikeliest to smile besides me?

Huey: Me.

Elmer: True that. Psyche! It’s me.

Ronny: Shit.

Elmer: Cope. I do. Anyway, you’re going to make Maiza smile, and you’re gonna like it. You’ll like it till you drop dead from smiling!

⁂

Ronny: Mortal, I can grant you power beyond your wildest dreams. Perfect immortality. Freezing time. Extreme farsightedness. Command over the human race. Money go brr. Anything. Anything! Think big. Bigger. BIGGER. Think deep.

“After thinking for a little while...”

Elmer: s m i l e

Ronny: Elaborate.

Elmer: Laugh from the bottom of your heart, at the top of your lungs, like you’re having fun, like you’re overjoyed. Woo me like one of your French girls, bright-eyed, rosy-cheeked, lips parted just so in the latest fashion of joie de vivre. Tell me how you smile, you who are called a demon, and what makes you really and truly happy.

Ronny: What? No. Who are you.

Huey: Addict. Smile Junkie. Joyster.

Ronny: Listen. Before you are two buttons. The red one can get you permanently clean on the spot. The blue one gets you a one-time BSOD except the :( is a :). Choose wisely.

Elmer: :)

Ronny:

Ronny: This is the most difficult, most challenging, most unfeasible wish ever asked of me. You ask for what is impossible now, nigh impossible in the near future, and forever the unlikeliest of the unlikely to occur.

Huey: Oh, God, don’t encourage him.

Elmer: so what I’m hearing is that there’s a chance

Huey: Elmer, remember when I asked you “would a man who had no personal experience with happy smiles be able to give them to others?” and you went ‘point taken?’ Think carefully.

Elmer: So, what you want to do, Ron, what you do in this sort of situations is you attach yourself to someone else in similar smileless straits, straits sans smiles to quote your French girls, and you make them your pet—pet project, yeah, and you just, you know, do what it takes until they give you a laugh right from the gut. Ron, I betcha anything you’ll be able to smile after that, I mean, we’re talking my tried and true methods here. And partner, if we reunite, smile then, because you owe me—I love ya, Ron, but I’ll find you, and you’d better be glad that you met me again. ‘I can smile now! How d’ya like them apples?!’ …I’ll even take a reason like that, so please, show me your smile.

Ronny: Methods?

Huey: His only one.

Ronny: Has it ever worked?

Huey: No.

Elmer: It worked on you.

Huey: You know which party he meant.

Elmer: Look, I was going to suggest that Ronny stick close to Maiza, what with the dead brother and other dead so-and-sos being a real bummer and all, but... I guess I could wish for Ronny to tag alone with me until I smile for real instead...

Ronny: Wait. Hold on. Wait, demon, there’s still time to change my wish—I hadn’t pressed it y—Maiza! I wish for Maiza! My mind is made up.

Elmer: Ah, you’ve chosen the blue button after all. I figured you would.

Huey: Dare I ask why you didn’t wish for my smile?

Elmer: Well... When weighing my options, I like to choose the one that has the highest chance of succeeding.

Huey: So that’s why you didn’t wish for a genuine smile to call your own, Mr. Empty Ending?!

Elmer: Words can’t hurt me :). Not if I’m empty, right? You should try it sometime oh wait you are. What was that about failed methods, again? Cheer up! You know you want to you. You’ll never best me in the sans émotions racket, so you may as well give up and smile. Come on. Give up. Embrace failure. It’s futile to grieve the dead, but to be so delusional as to try and Lazarus-Frankenstein your wife when not even Ronny can? Move on. Smile for me like your French mother.

Ronny: Mortal, heed me as I literally drown out your words via an ocean of hurt.

Elmer: Huey’s mom :) would know :) a thing or two about that :). Hey, Huey, look to your right, I think I can see Monica from here! Smile and wave!

Huey: The line is breaking up—sounds—gargling?—can’t hear—

Elmer: Remember, demon, that with but a smile you summon meeeee!

#Baccano!#Baccano #Ronny Schiatto #Huey Laforet #Elmer C. Albatross #Frankenstein won't be written for another 107 years of course.#I know my comedic exchanges are not -uh- funny (see those immortals superlatives reblogs) but I couldn't resist writing this one out.#I was jotting down some thoughts about Elmer not taking advantage of B!'s three Ds of insta-rewards (devouring / demon's wish / drugs) okay #and when I was reviewing the nitty-gritty of the wish itself—where Ronny can't smile on command #so Elmer gives him the hang with and help out Maiza condition with the reasoning that Ronny will smile at the end of it—#I realized :Oh. Elmer you absolute cad. That's your thing. The only thing you ever seem to try these days AND HOW'S THAT WORKED OUT?#Then there's Ronny (making the mistake of) admitting the wish is uniquely difficult. Uh oh.#Elmer *thrives* off the challenging cases. The worst of the problem children. Why? Because *he* is The Most Challenging Case of All.#I have thousands of words of notes/draft fragments for a write-up about how Elmer is drawn to and fixates on the series' mini-Elmers.#Anyway I reread Ronny's 'it's too difficult' objection and could HEAR Huey say you poor stupid fool you've encouraged him #next thing you know I abandon the notes-jotting to spend way too much time writing this post #disclaimer: Huey and his mother are never said to be living in a French village.

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twstrhythm · 1 year

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psyche: what’s their head space like? do they have any mental illnesses? how do they process difficult or emotional situations? what are their coping mechanisms? and lets not forget Diasomnia

Alright. Last but not least, Diasomnia.~

Haoyu is a trickster by heart. He pretends to be a quiet and shy person. However, he really enjoys poking fun at people. That does sometimes include his family of course, but he still cares about them and will apologize to them if he realizes he had offended him in some way. When he is dealing with a problem, he tends to hide in his room and write in a journal.

Peri is a quiet person. If he were to speak to people, his responses would be short and curt. However, he does tend to get attached to people who talk to him nicely. Once someone has been nice to him, he will be clingy. He is afraid of being abandoned. To cope with problems, he tends to plants in the garden.

Ester is very spontaneous and unpredictable. He knows how to get people to do what he wants and exploits this fact in order to avoid getting her hands dirty. He finds joy in listening to gossip about other people unless it is about people he has grown close to. In order to deal with problems, he tends to go out for a flight.

Xue Long is an entirely different story compared to other people. He has dealt with a lot of traumatic events in his past and has become emotionally stunted as a result. He does not know how to deal with things that are emotionally challenging and tends to bottle it up. He is quick to apologize when other people get mad at him, especially when they imply that something could be his fault. He tends to isolate himself because he fears hurting other people. Some coping mechanisms he uses would include: cooking and playing some instruments.

#twisted wonderland oc #twisted wonderland ocs #twst oc #twst ocs #male twst oc #twst male oc #oc: haoyu yang #oc: peri eclipse #oc: ester thorn #oc: xue long yang

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galaxywarp · 2 years

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i haven't seen a single episode of SU but the peri badly eating an apple comic is so deeply ingrained in my psyche i think of it so often. the last panel is one of two images my brain conjures when i'm cramming every possible cent into my savings account

“I DONT LIKE THAT”

#I fucking wheeze cry over that comic man

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triforcevillains · 1 year

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Fractured (2019)

"So ist es passiert, nicht wahr, Ray? Wissen Sie, die Psyche kann mitunter eine alternative Realität erschaffen - eine falsche. Um sich vor einem Trauma zu schützen, vor den Dingen die wir uns fürchten, vor dem Schrecken, den wir uns nichtmal vorstellen können." Nach einem fast tödlich endenden Sturz bringen der Familienvater Ray und seine Ehefrau ihr gemeinsames Kind, das sich am Arm verletzt hat, ins Krankenhaus. Nach stundenlangem Warten wird seine Tochter endlich behandelt - doch als seine Frau und sein Kind zur Computertomographie gebeten werden, kehren sie auch nach Stunden nicht mehr zurück. Als der besorgte Vater nach seiner Familie sucht, scheint es als seien sie von Erdboden verschluckt, denn keiner kann die beiden auffinden.

Ray schwankt nun zwischen verschwommenen Erinnerungen und Wahnvorstellungen, bevor er letztendlich dem Krankenhauspersonal vorwirft, sie würden seine Familie für illegalen Organhandel benutzen. Letztendlich besteht noch eine letzte Frage: "Wo sind sie, Ray? Wo sind Peri und Joanne?"

(10/10)

#fractured #Netflix review #Netflix recommendations #netflix #movie recommendation #horrorfilmreview #Horrorfilm #horror

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squirefox · 1 year

Video

I’m psyched to share this music video that I directed and shot for my dear friend Jay Clifford’s single “Suburban Trees” on their new album Foundering by Jump, Little Children! The cast of wanderers are Jay’s son Wyatt and his longtime friends- including my kids Law and Ellis, alongside Thomas, Ava, Sasha, Alistair, Holden and Peri. There’s so much love that went into this project because Jay is unbelievably amazing to, at everything - really! I love him and this album! Such a journey of deep friendship. It was truly one of the most special projects I’ve worked on with our dearest friends, all of these lovely talented kids and with my wife Steph producing the video. The Farewell Tour begins Dec 8th! Artist / @jumplittlechildren Director / @squirefox DP / @squirefox Editor / @fafuthegreat Producer and Mix Engineer / @joshuakaler Songwriter / @jayclifford Colorist / @apache Producer / @stephyfox Locations / @ebbandflowsc Cast @wyatt_clifford._ @lawfox @thomas.c.wiliams @ellissphere @alistair__w @ava_smoak_ @mmepeeps @sasha.hranowsky @hgantt024 Thank you @chsmusichall #suburbantrees #jumplittlechildren #foundering#thefarewelltour2022 #musicvideo #director #teenactors#youth #trees #clouds #officialrelease #lawfoxactor @bmi

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troybeecham · 2 years

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Today, the Church remembers St. Macrina, the Younger.

Ora pro nobis.

Saint Macrina the Younger (c. 330– 19 July 379 A.D.) was a nun in the Early Christian Church and is a prominent saint in the Roman Catholic, Eastern Catholic, and Eastern Orthodox Church. Her younger brother, Saint Gregory of Nyssa, wrote about her life focusing heavily on her virginity and asceticism.

Macrina was born at Caesarea, Cappadocia. Her parents were Basil the Elder and Emmelia, and her grandmother was Saint Macrina the Elder. Among her nine siblings were two of the three Cappadocian Fathers, her younger brothers Basil the Great and Saint Gregory of Nyssa, as well as Peter of Sebaste and the famous Christian jurist Naucratius. Her father arranged for her to marry but her fiancé died before the wedding. After having been betrothed to her fiancé, Macrina did not believe it was appropriate to marry another man, but saw Christ as her eternal bridegroom. Instead, she devoted herself to her religion, becoming a nun.

Macrina had a profound influence upon her brothers and her mother with her adherence to an ascetic ideal. Her brother Gregory of Nyssa wrote a work entitled Life of Macrina in which he describes her sanctity throughout her life. Macrina lived a chaste and humble life, devoting her time to prayer and the spiritual education of her younger brother, Peter. Gregory presents her as one who consciously rejected all Classical education, choosing instead devoted study of Scripture and other sacred writings.

In 379, Macrina died at her family's estate in Pontus, which with the help of her younger brother Peter she had turned into a monastery and convent. Gregory of Nyssa composed a "Dialogue on the Soul and Resurrection" (peri psyches kai anastaseos), entitled ta Makrinia (P.G. XLVI, 12 sq.), to commemorate Macrina, in which Gregory purports to describe the conversation he had with Macrina on her deathbed, in a literary form modelled on Plato's Phaedo. Even on her deathbed, Macrina continued to live a life of sanctity, as she refused a bed, and instead chose to lie on the ground. Her feast day is 19 July.

Merciful God, you called your servant Macrina to reveal in her life and her teaching the riches of your grace and truth: we, following her example, seek after your wisdom and live according to her way; through Jesus Christ our Savior, who lives and reigns with you and the Holy Spirit, one God, for ever and ever. Amen.

#father troy beecham #christianity #jesus #saints #god #salvation #peace #faith #early church #monasticism

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littlewalken · 2 years

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Jun 15

and now for some notes to self-

First off I have to remember I have a diagnosed in writing in my medical records illness that I will have for the rest of my life. It won't "get better" it will just be "managed with proper diet, rest, and general lifestyle".

Second I was in a good "managed" phase having at least gotten on a decent physical health track from the shit storm that was last summer. Then my body got its self in to a natural state of being that I'm in the average age group to face but it also does a number on my illness in the meantime. However once it's over it should be over forever and I will be able to get back on the "managed" track.

Third I had a pretty shitty upbringing when it came to getting my health managed, insert eldest daughter syndrome with a narcissistic younger sibling who loved to play Munchausen here reference, so to this day I'm used to ignoring just about everything. Or being told to my face I'm lying and faking for attention.

So look, self, you have to be on top of this not over exerting yourself business because you have iron deficient anemia, which I really would have liked to have known 40+ years ago so I wouldn't have had a lot of those "growing pain" muscle cramps that did a number on my psyche with everything else, and peri menopause where every time you thing the elevator in the Overlook Hotel is done gravity will remind you that no, you're not.

Mild exercise and eating a meal of a beef hamburger with lettuce and tomato with fries every day is actually a pretty good way to manage things. (I tried blood builder vitamins but it fucked with my liver in a visible yellow way, ouch) You're making good food choices, less sugar and process foods, dark chocolate is a daily thing because it has iron and good blood stuff.

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scuttle-buttle · 2 years

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WC: 1829

Rated: M

Tags: humor, adult and sexual humor, detailed descriptions of male genitalia, fluff, married life

A/N: I saw a commercial for this on Facebook and thought it was a joke but it's not apparently. And then I got to talking with @lorna-d-m …. Anyways :)

🩲

The front door shuts and locks with a soft click. You drop your luggage next to the side table, letting out a sigh as you stretch and crack the joints in your stiff neck. After an almost 6 hour flight, plus a 3 hour delay due to bad weather, you were finally back in New York. The townhouse you share with your husband is quiet, dark. Only the soft sounds of Tchaikovsky can be heard wafting from the upstairs home office, leading you to where your Laszlo must be. Looking at your cell phone's clock you see it's nearly 10pm; you know he's eaten dinner by now and is likely just waiting for your impending arrival.

Climbing the stairs you stop and lean on his door frame. Laszlo is concentrated on a book, his brows scrunched and round glasses perched on the edge of his nose. He gives a tiny grunt before writing something in one of his many notebooks.

"Find anything interesting?"

His face pops up from the tome. "Ah! Bärchen, I didn't hear you come in." He marks his page before standing and walking over to you. Laszlo's kiss is warm and comforting, welcoming you home after nearly a week away. His hands find purchase on your waist. "Your flight was smooth I trust?"

"A little turbulence but otherwise it was fine, yeah."

"And the conference?"

"A lot of fun - I'll have to take you with me next year. I'm sure you'll get a kick out of some of the lecturers and their crazy ideas about collective psyche and social movements." You roll your eyes in good humor.

Laszlo leans in once more, his lips brushing delicately against yours. He quickly deepens the kiss. You can feel the way his body presses closer to you, a subtle firmness along your hip. Before things can get too heated you break away to look into his amber eyes. "As much as I would love to... make up for lost time," you give him a pout, "I'm exhausted and just want to shower and go to bed." You level him with your best puppy dog look as a means to apologize for killing the moment.

Laszlo chuckles. "There is nothing to apologize for, my dear. Having you back in my arms is more than enough for me." He steps back, using his left hand to gently guide you from where you lean and into the hall towards your bedroom. You beeline for the ensuite bathroom, your husband a few steps behind in the bedroom finding you something clean to change into. "Have you had a chance to eat something?" he calls to you.

His question reminds you that in your desperation to return to your loving husband and wash off the day you neglected to actually eat more than the paltry bag of airplane pretzels. As if on cue your stomach growls. You lean your head back towards the bedroom as you pull a fresh towel from the closet. "No, I figure I'll shower and then whip up a little something before bed."

"Allow me."

You turn to look back at him as you continue to set up the shower, removing your traveling clothes in the process. "Oh no Laz it's okay, I can do it-"

He levels you with a look before cutting you off "-and I, your husband, am offering to make dinner for my wife, whom I love."

Clicking your tongue against your cheek you simply nod in acquiescence.

The hot spray loosens your tense muscles. Next time you had to fly out any longer than 2 hours you were definitely going to take up your husband’s suggestion to fly first class. He'd offered you the upgrade when you first planned your trip, but you'd simply shrugged and said it wasn't necessary, that you'd rather him spend the money on treating you to a nice date when you got home instead. Boy how your body hated you for that now...

You wash away the day of traveling and quickly follow with your usual skin care routine after. The steamy room keeps you warm under your fluffy towel, but all you want is to throw on one of his old t-shirts and slide under the silk sheets of your shared bed.

Opening the door you spot a plate of grilled cheese waiting for you on the bed. You waste no time making yourself comfortable on the end of the bed and digging in to the crispy, gooey, buttery sandwich. Moaning around the bite you shovel as much as you can fit into your gullet the second go. Laszlo isn't here as you finish the first sandwich.

Three bites into the second grilled cheese he enters the room. Holding your hand to cover your mouth you mumble out "thank you." His answer is a kiss to your head. You swallow. "You know I'll never figure out how you learned to make the perfect grilled cheese?" You tear off a chunk to pop in his mouth as he stands before you.

"A secret I'll never tell," he winks, leaving you to go change for bed.

You grin around a mouthful. "Well as long as you keep making them for me I'll be perfectly content to never know."

Laszlo exits the closet in his dark robe, the ties undone and the glorious expanse of his chest and abdomen on display for your wandering eyes. Gaze trailing along the line of chest hair from top to bottom you stop in your tracks when you reach his shorts. A pair of obnoxiously plaid boxer briefs hug his hips and thighs. What really gets your attention as he walks past you? What sticks out between his legs.

For fucks sake you had to be imagining things.

You blink quickly. You knew Laszlo was gifted, so to speak. He was the biggest you'd ever been with by far. There were no complaints from you; above average size and he knew how to use it? A+, top of the class. But the absolutely massive bulge that protrudes from his crotch currently?

It's obscene.

There's no way you're seeing clearly! Maybe you just forgot what his dick looks like? How long were you away for? Did he take something? Are you jetlagged? Is it possible to forget the size of your husband’s penis if you go too long without seeing it? Your mind races as it tries to piece together what you think you just saw.

You must be making quite the face, as the next thing you know Laszlo is looking down at you with concern. "- are you alright?" He waves his fingers in front of your slackjawed face.

Starting blankly at him for a second you finally reply with an extremely eloquent "... what?"

"You don't look well, are you alright?"

Oh. Right.

"Uh…." You gather your wits, looking back at his boxers as he stands before you. Not only are they plaid, but right on said crotch is a picture of mistletoe - if you weren't in such a state of confusion you would've found the pun to be funny. "What the fuck are you wearing and why is your dick so big?!" blurts out before you can stop yourself. Your hand claps over your mouth.

You both immediately share a look; eyebrows to your hairline as if to say 'wow I can't believe what you just said'. With a blink he looks down at himself and proceeds to give a soft "oh".

"I'm so sorry I don't... uh…" your voice gives out on its feeble explanation. What a thing to say to your husband, questioning the size of his manhood, you lament at your awkwardness. Then it clicks. You've seen those before, several months ago. "Wait wait wait…. are those the-" your words are cut by a small giggle "- are those the gag gift I got you for Christmas last year with the little-?" you hold your hand up to mimic a cupping motion.

You had seen the underwear on Facebook and thought the whole concept was some sort of joke; boxer briefs with a built in "hammock" that held everything up like a "push-up bra for your jingle balls" the ad proclaimed. The whole thing was too hilarious, so naturally you bought a pair for your husband as a joke knowing he would never wear them. And so to the back of the closet they went, until now that is.

"Ah….well," he clears his throat. His left hand comes to scratch along his bearded jaw. Laszlo meets your eyes finally, his cheeks redder than a tomato; "I fell behind on laundry while you were away."

You bite your lip to stifle the smile threatening to break your face. "So instead of doing laundry you dug those out? Laz oh my god! They have mistletoe right on your-"

"- Yes I know," he finishes for you. "If I recall it was you that bought them to begin with."

"Yeah but I just wanted to see you blush, I didn't think you'd actually wear them ever!" Pulling him closer you stand him between your legs from where you sit. The material is soft. With a finger you push just under the waistband, pulling back and letting it snap against his hip. He gives a soft grunt.

"Well?"

"Well what?"

You raise a single eyebrow at him. "How do they feel? You know," you gesture downward with your chin.

He licks his lips briefly. "To be honest," he pauses, "they are some of the most comfortable bottoms I've ever worn," he finishes quietly, as if reluctant to admit how much he likes them.

Humming in amused satisfaction you add "and you look fantastic in them, it really brings out-" you wave your open palm over the general area between his hips before concluding with "-the color of your eyes." The smirk is full force as you watch him cringe at your tease. "What more could a girl want? But Jesus you're huge."

Laszlo scoffs, his face burning an even darker shade of red. A hint of a smile tugs at his lips, despite him trying to remain stoic at your compliments. "I do believe it's time for bed," he deflects and pulls away from you, effectively ending your ribbing. Shedding the robe he situates himself under the covers and gives you an expectant look.

"All I'm saying is I'm a very lucky woman." You join him in bed.

The two of you lay curled into one another in a peaceful quiet for several minutes. The calm of the dark bedroom and the exhaustion of your week has finally caught up with you. In the first pulls of sleep you whisper out "Hey Laz?"

"Yes my dear?"

Not one to let go of your mischievousness so easily, you say "if you like them so much I can always get you some more." You yawn. "But maybe not ones with mistletoe on the crotch. That's for my eyes only."

Click here to read part 2- Clean Laundry

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