#please dont ask me about this!

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

i think. i need to go for a drive and get myself a tasty beverage

#anyway so being alive right. its a ton of fun through and through < sarcasm! #i love the constant discomfort and terror and stress and isolation and existential dread <3 #sigh. anyway #what is this about again? #oh yeah. floor tiles #sometimes i stare at grout and feel a little too much kinship with it. and that is All! #dont mind me just. using art as an outlet as its meant to be! #please dont ask me about this! #its very self explanatory anyway! theres not much else to Say! #floor tiles! you see! #every day i wake up and i lay motionless in bed while my brain screams at flesh melting decibels #Floor Tiles!!!! #lying on the floor asking the grout if it screams and claws at its own insides too #will keep you all updated on the answer (there will be None) #no tags posting it Late in the hopes that no one sees me coughing blood all over my own blog. Again.

[inkskinned]

because sometimes there are invisible tests and invisible rules and you're just supposed to ... know the rule. someone you thought of as a friend asks you for book recommendations, so you give her a list of like 30 books, each with a brief blurb and why you like it. later, you find out she screenshotted the list and send it out to a group chat with the note: what an absolute freak can you believe this. you saw the responses: emojis where people are rolling over laughing. too much and obsessive and actually kind of creepy in the comments. you thought you'd been doing the right thing. she'd asked, right? an invisible rule: this is what happens when you get too excited.

you aren't supposed to laugh at your own jokes, so you don't, but then you're too serious. you're not supposed to be too loud, but then people say you're too quiet. you aren't supposed to get passionate about things, but then you're shy, boring. you aren't supposed to talk too much, but then people are mad when you're not good at replying.

you fold yourself into a prettier paper crane. since you never know what is "selfish" and what is "charity," you give yourself over, fully. you'd rather be empty and over-generous - you'd rather eat your own boundaries than have even one person believe that you're mean. since you don't know what the thing is that will make them hate you, you simply scrub yourself clean of any form of roughness. if you are perfect and smiling and funny, they can love you. if you are always there for them and never admit what's happening and never mention your past and never make them uncomfortable - you can make up for it. you can earn it.

don't fuck up. they're all testing you, always. they're tolerating you. whatever secret club happened, over a summer somewhere - during some activity you didn't get to attend - everyone else just... figured it out. like they got some kind of award or examination that allowed them to know how-to-be-normal. how to fit. and for the rest of your life, you've been playing catch-up. you've been trying to prove that - haha! you get it! that the joke they're telling, the people they are, the manual they got- yeah, you've totally read it.

if you can just divide yourself in two - the lovable one, and the one that is you - you can do this. you can walk the line. they can laugh and accept you. if you are always-balanced, never burdensome, a delight to have in class, champagne and glittering and never gawky or florescent or god-forbid cringe: you can get away with it.

you stare at your therapist, whom you can make jokes with, and who laughs at your jokes, because you are so fucking good at people-pleasing. you smile at her, and she asks you how you're doing, and you automatically say i'm good, thanks, how are you? while the answer swims somewhere in your little lizard brain:

how long have you been doing this now? mastering the art of your body and mind like you're piloting a puppet. has it worked? what do you mean that all you feel is... just exhausted. pick yourself up, the tightrope has no net. after all, you're cheating, somehow, but nobody seems to know you actually flunked the test. it's working!

aren't you happy yet?

#almost wrote the champagne line as ''effervescent'' but legit could not write it without saying ''effervescent like a snail'' #ah tumblr... #writeblr #warm up #idk . having trouble writing rn #ps i don't like to talk about it . it is my medical information. but before you ask. yes this is about being on the spectrum #i really don't like when ppl make my writing about how im [whatever ID]. i want it to ring true for the people who it rings true for #i don't want it to be like ''awwwww look at this person!!! she's the EXCEPTION!!! :)" ..... #no.... not really..... #idk something gross happens whenever i admit to certain conditions and i turn into like inspiration p*rnography #like yes they actually let us use keyboards these days #furthermore i just... dont feel comfortable talking about this part of me. i had too bad of a childhood. adhd is one thing... #this one im like. still coming to terms with. which is like. my own journey. #idk. just please be kind. some things are more private than others. this one feels private to me. #i do not know how to help others w/this . and i do not know how to help myself. i will talk about it if im ever ready. idk if that will #actually ever happen #ty in advance i love u im kissing you we are kissing somewhere on the spectrum

[caruliaa]

staff still hasn't given me polls, what should i do?

🟪🟪🟪🟪🟪🟪🟪🟪🟪🟪 their moms 69%

🟪🟪🟪🟪🟪🟪🟪 their dads 31%

grace image os i get to look at her

#edit: edited the og post to what i want but to set the record straight i edited to the post to be mathematically correct right after the #first person pointed it out which was like ten mins after i posted the og post. now fuck offf !!!!! the rest of the tags r from the og post #for some reason i feel very immature making your mom jokes about tumblr staff. which i shldnt !! #bc they suck nd they still havent given me polls. but i ig i feel imature bc it a your mom joke 😭 but still i tihnk its kinda funny #EDIT: edited the post to what i want bc yall were getting annoying . but to set the record straight i edited to post to be mathematically #also its *mum* not mom okay i am NOT !! an american . but if i say mum everyone will j be like 'omg british' like i dont know i am #anyway. i want polls please. give me the rigght to force my mutuals chose between the most inane things #also i tihnk it wld b cool for the cs weekly blog. like w each episode #i cld do a poll of like. out of five stars what do u think of this ep #and it wld b a cool thing of which eps r ppls faves #also i cld have like. whose ur fave in team red whos ur fave in acme etc #id prob just have to go with vile faculty bc theres more than 10 ppl in vile. and ppl wld kill me if i didnt include nel the ell or whoever #it wld b fun !!! #oh btw csweekly thats i thing i want to start. prob on uhhh the 11th of feb ill post abt it more but its basically #a tag/blog for watching cs one ep a time watching one ep every saturday #ya !! :3 #flappy rambles #inaccessible #ask to tag #(<- idk. just in case)

[deep-space-lines]

okay but like. I just had the weirdest thought about that ‘don’t look I’m naked’ comic. Which is that that’s essentially the same thing Adam and Eve did after they ate the fruit of knowledge of good&evil. So I feel like the theological implications of that could kneecap Gabe if he doesn’t think V1 is a being with free will.

yeah ok. i dunno man. is this anything

((side note. this isn’t necessarily meant to be in-character or story-accurate or take place at any particular point in time, just a way to explore some Thoughts. i was also imagining more that V1’s words aren't actually spoken, more like Gabriel’s more articulate interpretation of whatever garbled mechanical noise V1 is using to communicate. I think an angel could do that.))

and then they fucked nasty the end

#my art #my writing #who fuckin sent this. fuck you. come off anon so i can kick your ass. (the thoughts this ask sparked consumed almost 3 days of my life) #i dont know what this even is #i just work here #disclaimer i don't come from a particularly religious background so like. #most of my knowledge of christianity comes from when my mom sent me to vbs for cheap babysitting in middle school or absorbed via osmosis #so i have no idea what im talking about except for when i do! hope this helps #i love how i say that like i expect biblical scholars to tear apart my ultrakill gay fanfiction #if you are a biblical scholar and you want to tear apart my ultrakill gay fanfiction please know i am not going to read the bible for this #ultrakill #v1 ultrakill #gabriel ultrakill #gabv1el #blood #love tagging ultrakill stuff with blood. hmm yes the floor here is made out of floor

[crumb-crumblet-s-crumbington]

they should kill each other over ethan actually

#idganarf abt chreon #if u try to get me to draw a ship that doesnt involve ethan i will instantly make them kill each other #lethanfield is for ethan #everyone else should fight immmeditaly #please do not send me asks for characters/pairings i dont care about

[heartorbit]

happy valentines day... 2!

#you mind if i post month old art i never finished #project sekai #pjsk #prsk #emu otori #proseka #tsukasa tenma #nene kusanagi #rui kamishiro #I WAS MAKING POLYSHO VALENTINES ART AND NEVER FINISHED IIIT. NO TIME. I GOTTA GO #omfg wait i have the cyberpunk desd boy art i never finished um youll get that later too bc idk when i'll have something new to post . #well if tumbltbr never got it does it even count. I think not. wxs killing me rn snd i cant even draw about it #ok adios #youll get month late white day themed art too probably #omfg someone on twt asked if they could Cosplay the tsukasa that made me feel insane because 1 what a compliment lord in heaven #but 2. Please dont do that toyourself i cant imagine having to fuckig sew any of this. as i sew right now i would never wish it upon anyone

[epitome-of-an-openbook]

what if i block every person that i see campaigning for or speculating that Buck and Eddie will kiss at the bachelor party bc that enforces the truly horrible bi stereotype that bisexual people, like myself, are more likely to cheat? what if I did that 🤨?

#like it wasn't bothering me the first few times i saw it being brought up bc it was ether somone saying please dont do it #or it was someone telling off an anon who put that speculation into their ask box #but i have been seeing an influx of it lately #and I'm about to take the “curate your own Internet experience” very very seriously if I keep seeing it #911 abc #evan buckley #eddie diaz #tommy kinard #bucktommy #buddie

[canon-gabriel-quotes]

wear headphones :)

Transcript:

As much as I'd love to witness more of your prowess, I'd very much like to have that body of yours.

Is that a strap-on?

Machine, I'll cover you in more than blood.

Fuck. *exhale* Shit. Fuck-God! mmmm-ohohoho. fuck. fuck. h-Harder, Machine. Mph! *whimper* Hah... Come on!

End transcription

Sorry for this. I promise this is the worst thing I'll ever post. Unless he somehow manages to do something worse.

I can't really provide the audio sources in a neat way because this is 6 clips stuck together.

#ultrakill #gabriel ultrakill #gabv1el #WEAR HEADPHONES. PLEASE. PLS. SAVE YOURSELVES. #suggestive #<- if i use a 'stronger' tag than that im 99% sure the post gets shadowbanned from showing up in the tags? #never ask me for anything ever again. #why did he say any of this #i dont know. #surely this will make people unfollow #or will it do the opposite #at this point. i have no idea #animals. all of you. ANIMALS. its ok im one too. we're in hell (together) #i didnt make the gif im sorry all i know is that its from twitter #yeah sorry for the recycled audio. i only have the 2 whimper clips...... so far. #but the actual talking parts are all new #i want to see that angel obliterated. send tweet. #smiles. evilly. #i dont know about you guys but im normal #anyway #if he somehow ever finds out about this blog im krilling all of u............. pls............ #he cant know we are farming clips #(mostly joking) but yeah id prefer if this didnt spread past tumblr pls omg #we are past 700 followers now. idk what to say other than. wow. #ok surely no one is reading to this point. bottom gabe real. canon. true. thanks. #lets never speak of this again

[nordidia]

having a very rough night so raph doodles needed to be made

when in need, mash two interests together

#i love him so muhc ghghgh #and uh please stop sending me asks straight up demanding me to draw more /nm #if u've sent me an ask just regarding art before pls dont feel anxious this is about people actually DEMANDING like im some sort of machine #im absent due to my work/mental health situation going up and down #tmnt will ofc always be special interest but right now its in the back row #theres little time for anything but work and meetings and thinking about work and.. well.. monster hunter escapism egsfkhjhh.. #but yeah i promise im still here #and i want to draw him when i can #but stress is high right now and drawing takes too much wrist stamina to do often now #i hope u understand #sorry if i worded myself badly im very tired and stresed n its ... oh its 5am great. wellp. goodnight skafklgsjdklfnshh #my art #rise of the tmnt #rottmnt #nordidia art #rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #rottmnt raph #id in alt text #also one would think my art style is easy on my wrist but #i gorilla grip my pen and when i learned to write as a child i held the pencil jank #and it stuck like that #so its really rough on my hands #sadly

[triona-tribblescore]

OKAY! ILL MAKE IT A THING!

p1/ p2

Based off of this post :>

#PLEASE SEND ASKS ABOUT THIS IF UR CURIOUS :D #this is gonna be a super unplanned improv type of au if we are doing this #but ur hype has me hyped soooo #LETS DO IT >:D #I dont have a tag for it yet #so we'll just use #guardian au #for now and think of something original later~ #:D #tribbleart #rottmnt #rottmnt au #rottmnt leo #rottmnt mikey #baja blast duo #tide pod duo #<3

[caycanteven]

himb, Balsam, Bal if you will.

#my art #sans #sans au #caycantdoodle #balsam sans #horrorfell sans #okay now that im home heres all the tags again #i was out and about when i did the tags #lmfao i was rushin #love this skeleton sm #husbone yes yes yes #god let him look at me like that #PLEASE #the mans #where his dog tags #dont ask #i forgot lmfao #it was a warmup teehee #wanna smooch him

[dayurno]

robin cross and kevin day parallels actually go so crazy. they both spent their formative years in a basement underground with exy-obsessed captors. they both saw exy as freedom. they both were isolated even within the foxes’ group of outcasts. they were both under andrew’s protection. it cost kevin jean to leave the nest and it cost robin another girl’s life to escape her kidnapper. robin carried her racquet with her to self-soothe and kevin restrings the net of his when he’s anxious. they’re even bird coded

#to those unfamiliar the word robin is also a kind of little bird 🕊️ #i dont ship them but i dont blame the people who do if im honest #BUT ITS JUST CRAZY TO MEEE #its so fucked that canonically kevin never gets to meet her #but i will say that the echoes of his presence are still there #she joins the foxes the year after kevins graduation and there andrew is taking robin to night practice #there he is coaching her because he knows exy is the tool she needs to believe in herself #there he is doing what kevin day told him only years late 🫠 #sorry they make me insane #robin when she’s the weird kandreil amalgamation no one asked for #will expand on this if i have more thoughts later but please talk to me about robin. thank you #txt #aftg #kevin day #robin cross #kevin #robin #fav #kevin&robin

[cozylittleartblog]

here comes the boy ~ hello boy ✨

cleaned up a couple of the vash doodles i did while learning to draw him :)

#trigun #trigun 98 #vash the stampede #anime #doodles #art #dat me #my friend phoenix was visiting from portland almost the whole last week it was really fun !!! i did not open PS for a week FJHBGDBHJDFG #how do i draw again... what is a tablet.... i forgor ..... #i have seen TWO trigun fans in public this weekend. a guy at the bookstore with a vash pin on his lanyard + someone at the local arcade #who had a PUNISHER ITA BAG ??? COOL AF??? the arcade was also full of furries for some reason. which was cool but i've never seen it before #girl the arcade is hot enough as it is if you're wearing a fursuit in an arcade you are braver than any us marine #I WAS SO SAD I LEFT MY PURSE (ALSO AN ITA BAG) IN THE CAR FOR THE ARCADE BECAUSE I HAVE A VASH PIN IN IT ..... #please ask me about my ita bags... please ask me about my pins.... i am insane about my pins...... #my brother and i are going to indie pop con in 2 weeks if i dont find some cute trigun 98 stuff i will riot #i am relentlessly vashposting on main. i will draw other characters i swear but he is my favorite #any character where i go 'there is something so so so wrong with him' is my favorite EVERY TIME #im just happy to be drawing again honestly #i got about a month before anime central so i am just trying . to VIBE. for the first time in months

[cemeterything]

i almost forgot i share a birthday with dave strider. idgaf but 10 years ago people would have killed each other to be me.

#🐉 #please dont send me happy birthday asks i kept quiet about it for a reason 👍

[rudeboimonster]

~help your local rat get stable housing~

edit post nov 2023: I GOT THE HELP I NEEDED THANK YOU SOSOOSO MUCH

dramatically sprawled out on the floor

so i gotta move for the third time in that many years. unfortunately between health problems and the General State of The Economy, I have been unable to find work to be able to save any money. i have no choice but to leave the entire state. i thankfully have somewhere to go, however I need help getting there. i've been trying to do the math to get what I need to its lowest amount possible, but even that is still at least $2.5k.

after this move, i should be able to get things more stable and I might even have a couple job prospects lined up in that area, but right now I'm really scraping the bottom of the barrel funds wise and desperately need help.

if you're able to spare anything, i've set up a goal through kofi so i can track it publicly. i have trouble asking for help but i really need what help i can get. thank you, so so so much.

#mutual aid #fundraiser #help #god i dont know what to tag this im just kinda ripping off the bandage bc ive been anxious about posting about this since i got asked to #leave. head in hands. please help by spreading the word if you cant spare any cash i completely understand. #i dont know what i can offer. my ability to do art has been really really low and with my sleeping/living arrangements my wrists shoulders #back have been in fucking wretches states so its hard for me to do much #if youre wonder about the other fundraiser i did a few years ago #the person i replaced in a renting situation ended up fucking me over and got basically evicted into the 2nd week of college and i had 3 da #to leave that situation or more people wouldve gotten fucked over. and ive been basically couch surfing since trying to find work #anyways i havent slept in a bed for more than a weekend since october 2021 my back is turbo fucked please help

[venomous-qwille]

Can you please just tell us what is wrong with ai and why, I can't find anything from actual industry artists ect online through Google just tech bro type articles. All the tech articles are saying it's a good thing, and every pro I follow refuses to explain how or why it's bad. How am I supposed to know something if nobody will teach me and I can't find it myself

I'll start by saying that the reason pro artists are refusing to answer questions about this is because they are tired. Like, I dont know if anyone actually understands just how exhausting it is to have to justify over and over again why the tech companies that are stealing your work and actively seeking to destroy your craft are 'bad, actually'.

I originally wrote a very longform reply to this ask, but in classic tumblr style the whole thing got eaten, so. I do not have the spoons to rewrite all that shit. Here are some of the sources I linked, I particularly recommend stable diffusion litigation for a thorough breakdown of exactly how generative tools work and why that is theft.

or this video if you are feeling lazy and only want the art-side opening statements:

Everytime you feed someone's work- their art, their writing, their likeness- into Midjourney or Dall-E or Chat GPT you are feeding this monster.

Go forth and educate yourself.

#ai art #asks answered #qwillechatter #for real though guys please dont interact with me about AI #I intended for this to be the last post I'll ever make about it #but tumblr ate it so you miss out on the nice essay #all the sources tell you everything you need to know #Im so fucking tired