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looneyzune · 5 months

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The 3AM Stream Incident

SOOOhbkabgsjf i haven't done something like this in a while, but I just go so inspired over in the discord @majimasleftasscheek with the streamer!kiryu idea that i had to write SOMETHING and i really loved this idea we came up with so here's SOMETHING!!! username cameos are all people from the server!!

if i had to put it somewhere, something post yakuza 3 pre yakuza 4. in order to make money for the orphanage, haruka and the kids introduced him to this streaming thing. he wanted to engage in their interests, and has always enjoyed gaming deep down, the money aspect also helps out a lot. he's formed a relatively decent sized community, but has yet to go viral. the streamers are pretty laid back and the children's identities are protected, but thanks to the younger audience of streaming in general, the chat has taken to calling him 'uncle kaz' like the kids do when they call for him off screen.

this is. short and silly and i didn't go too hard on it, but i hope it's fun!! kazumaji implied cause it will be with everything i write.

Kiryu doesn't stream off schedule, not often at least. Life gets in the way sometimes, but he's never done this before. It's quiet in the orphanage, he doesn't want to disturb the kids... but he also can't sleep. Not actually worth anything, at least. It's another all nighter, one that hopefully he can recover from while the kids are at school tomorrow. Today. If there's one thing he's thinking about this isn't the various people haunting him... It's Pocket Circuit LIVE. He figures that was something more productive to be doing than just laying here.

His steps are quiet as he makes his way into the small room that had been built in the rebuilding process of Morning Glory. This room was even in the process of being sound proofed, a gift from Daigo that was hard to refuse. With the door shut, he could be a bit more comfortable with his movements.

Hopefully, not too many people in the chatroom are up either. He thinks he remembers hearing talk about finals during these months. Still, it'd be worth going live, people liked him for his ''chill vibes'' and ''comforting streams''. There was always a twinge of a pride even he knew was a bit goofy, compared to the other things he was proud of. Perhaps he could help them sleep, much like a bed time story... But to the sound of Pocket Circuit LIVE dailies.

When Kiryu hits the 'go live' button, he skips through his starting soon screen, going straight to his face cam and gameplay set up. As the game boots up, a bit slower than usual from having to do it while he's live, the first few messages start to pop up

macthedragon: ayo cosmomemory: ??? tabbitha44: damn this game got you by the throat uncle kaz

"Good evening, chatroom." Kiryu smiles at the messages, the exhaustion painfully clear in his eyes he's sure. "I'm surprised other people are up at this hour. I can't sleep, and I can be quiet during this game to not wake the kids. So long as I don't pull." He adds the addendum before anyone in chat could mention that.

Through his months of doing this, he's learned that many of these 'stream chatrooms' have a sort of 'culture' to them. Each streamer has a different kind of audience they cater to, but many share a back and forth dynamic with their 'chatroom'. It was more work than he had ever realized, it was an interesting new world he had begun to discover.

The motions now are practiced and fluid. Daily missions were a walk in the park. Use a new wheel, win a race without a balance frame, win a race with a golem tiger. As the races began to blend, Kiryu quietly talks with his delayed chatroom, "I don't think I'll be streaming tomorrow, I'll announce on my social media platforms in the morning if I will or won't."

aquaortus: twitter. you can say twitter looneyzune: be nice to him, he's not wrong

Kiryu knew full well he could say 'Twitter', but people seemed to like his antiquated way of saying things as much as it grated on them. It was much like with the children in the orphanage, in that way. The chat was significantly slower, but that was nice for him. He didn't directly talked to them, more so just began saying how his day was, it had been a nice day off, he just might need another.

esutonia: take all the time you need uncle kaz cosmomemory: we all could use one i think looneyzune: you deserve the time off, uncle kaz! macthedragon: please don't say you're leaving to get milk- aquaortus: going to sleep to this stream, gnight everyone

It was nice to see the messages of comfort in the corner of his eye, even as they began to talk amidst each other other than just with him. Of course, he quietly wished the viewers going to bed good night, which ended up being a few of them when an hour had passed. Less than 50 people were watching him at that point. There's a few points where he has to quiet down, hearing something shuffling outside of the room, and he has to make sure he didn't wake one of the children. Thankfully, no such incident happens, and he continues on with the quiet stream.

Quiet for a good while, but by hour two, something goes wrong. A name that he had expected to be gone from this stream popped up, marked with a green sword and bright pink text.

gorogorogorochan: Kiryu-chan what the fuck is this shit looneyzune: uh oh esutonia: SCATTER brahkest: uncle majima moment! it's so over

"M-Majima-!" Kiryu jumped at seeing that familiar name, the chatroom having a similar reaction. He looked to the door, knowing he was a good while away in a hotel, yes, but like he could be there at any moment. "I just couldn't sleep, so... Why am I not surprised you're up at this hour too." He truly should have expected this. "I'll only go for another hour. You should get some rest."

He looks at his quest list. Dailies are done, but weeklies are nearing completion. He could go ahead and knock those out now if he's going to take a break soon. Kiryu gets to it, settling back into the rhythm of the game he found so addicting.

gorogorogorochan: Are ya fuckin' kiddin' me gorogorogorochan: TEN MINUTES mrbeefgnaw: oh rip uncle kaz tabbitha44: h u h cosmomemory: it's so over looneyzune: ...has he noticed looneyzune: uncle kaz are you with us

With chat going so slow due to so few people, now less than 20, Kiryu didn't notice it. Pocket Circuit LIVE was too temping. He keeps good on his promise to not pull, but ten minutes have gone by without him really saying a word. He was both too tired and too engrossed in the menial yet fun activities of his favorite pass time.

brahkest: TIME IS UP: UNLEASE THE HOUNDS tabbitha44: what did he Mean by this macthedragon: he never realized omg.....

The questions as to what he had meant didn't go unanswered for long. Kiryu looked over at the chatroom, finally seeing the sudden activity, "Chatroom, did something-" And is cut off by the door to his room swinging open. It just barely is held back from slamming by a tired, haggard, and ticked off looking Majima. He blinks in surprise at his sudden appearance, standing up and taking the same headphones the man had gifted him off his head, "Majima? What are you-"

The next moment, Majima is charging him.

Kiryu barely manages to understand whats happening in the mere second he's given before Majima's long legs get him across the room. He's still taken to the ground in the next second, but he knows not to start fighting back by then. All the camera sees in a yellow and black blur, and then Kiryu going out of frame.

brahkest: UNCLE MAJIMA MOMENT!!!! mrbeefgnaw: oh rip lol looneyzune: UFBKSD cosmomemory: JHDFKSDG macthedragon: HJDKFJDFHLD tabbitha44: LMAOOOO estunia: JHFKDSFKESJB

The last thing the stream sees is a gloved hand slapping around on the table to find the keyboard, and when it's found, the stream is shut off.

#yakuza #like a dragon #rgg #kiryu kazuma #goro majima #streamer!kiryu au

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ratsoh-writes · 5 months

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What kind of meals/food can you only find in Ebbott? (And be specific! Don't just say "magic" Ratsoh)

lets start with a list of all old (and some new) ebott only crops and animals:

Powder shrooms: these are gears favorite mushrooms. It’s a small honey colored mushroom with a black circle on the head. They have a very nice buttery taste and can be eaten raw but are best as stuffing for savory dishes. They get the name because they dry fast and the powder was used as flour for the nomads. They also grow like weeds and are easy to maintain

Snap root: it was showcased in the 1k event. It’s a spiny purple skinned root with a brown flesh. It gets its name from the way the vines “snap” up when sunlight hits it. The root has a lovely taste like a cross between pumpkin, sweet potato, and nutmeg and is mostly used in pies and sweet dishes

Crab “apples”: a fruit shaped like a crab. It’s technically not an apple despite the similar taste. It’s the most common fruit of the underground and the farmtale valley. The fruits are slightly sour and rarely larger than the palm of a small hand. The most common shape is the crab shape, but they also come in ducks, pyramids and spirals.

Flossy sticks: it’s a celery like vegetable. The plant looks like a normal leafy bush with very long stems, but as soon as you cut one stem off, it explodes into thousands of tiny floss like strands. They can be boiled into pasta, dried and powdered to be used as flour, or eaten raw. They have a crisp lemon and basil like taste.

Twigs: nobody knows why the vegetable is called this because it looks nothing like a twig. It’s a large orange long cucumber like vegetable. Normally about 3 feet long and 6 inches wide. It has a woodsy tea leaf taste to it. Also puréeing the flesh and mixing it with alcohol is what makes drinks that can temporarily change hair and eye color.

Lion lily: the fruit is named after the striking maned flowers that come before it. The flowers look like lilies but at the base of the flower is a fluffy golden “mane” of cotton strands. The fruit is the size of a tangerine and is golden and perfectly round with a large pit in the middle. It has an extremely sweet taste and soft juicy flesh. It’s so sweet it often doesn’t need sugar added when used in cakes and pies.

Golems salad: a massive fkn head of kale. Like this thing is freaking the size of a car. It’s a magical variety that grows when eight heads of kale are planted in a circle, and carefully nurtured by a golem monster each day. The result is that monstrosity. Overnight the kale comes together, morphing into one plant and will grow to monstrous sizes. It’s said the bigger the salad the stronger the golem

Tumblers: it’s identical to a normal cabbage and tastes like a normal cabbage, but if you wait too long to harvest it, it will literally jump out of the ground and run away at the vibrations of footsteps. It also hisses.

Sweet salt: a spice from the underground that is ground from the seeds of the fir trees that grow in snowdin. It’s very sweet and is described to taste like a blend of brown sugar, cinnamon and black pepper. Tastes like gyftmas

Gyftmas ornaments: the same seeds you can get from snowdins fir trees can also be peeled and pickled. They make a lovely sweet sour treat and are usually dyed to match gyftmas colors.

Tarotile: a flat leaf from a magical plant related to poison ivy. The plant is toxic to humans but delicious to monsters. It’s banned outside of ebotts shores, and has to be labelled very clearly before being sold. Monsters describe it as tasting like a delicious wild berry blend but with a leafy texture. Makes a delicious tea and is wonderful in sweet salads

Sea eggs: an ebott only variety of seaweed will grow these pockets of soft cucumber like fruit in the stalks. Reportedly all the sea monsters have seen and harvested this plant before the crash. It tastes a bit more sour and citrusy than a normal cucumber but has all the texture and water content of one. Weirdly enough there’s nothing magic about this plant. It just likes ebott

Cattails: not to be confused with the non magical reeds that grow near water, cattails is a popular vegetable grown in ebott. It prefers dryer land, only wanting water every few days. It resembles a golden long grass, and when it’s ready to harvest, the grass ends open up to reveal a fluffy thick fiber inside. The result is a pretty feathery plant resembling a cats tail, hence the name. Pull the fibers and on the ends are little grains that are boiled to use a porridge, a flour substitute, or the binding agent of ebotts famous lion jello.

Heartyheads: a thick leafy bush, what makes it classed as magic is that it literally turns into rose quarts when exposed to fire. But it’s not reliable as a source of quarts since it slowly turns back when cooled down. The young leaves can only be eaten raw but are an amazing source of iron and are said to help with inflammation. This plant can only be killed by being dug out of the ground and left to dry out.

Fizzlers: a tomato like plant that grows small baby tomato sized pink, purple and blue fruits (ornamental ones only for blue) the fruit is a key ingredient in fizzy drinks in place of carbonation. The fruit produces lots of bubbles when exposed to water. They’re delicious and taste just like that fake grape flavor humans love

Gauzeberries: a berry that came from the outer-AUs. They all say they found the mysterious bush growing on the asteroids of the asteroid belt they orbited. The bush has silver white leaves, is very small, rarely growing higher than 2 feet, and produces small white berries encased in a gauzelike silk pouch. The plant only grows in cold temperatures and must be kept in fridge rooms with natural sunlight any month except winter. The berries have a crisp grape like taste and when eaten, causes one to float a few inches off the ground for an hour

Rougish grapes: this is a grape variety developed by two monsters from birdfell, and the rights bought by harpy. It’s a very large crimson red grape, each individual fruit nearly the size of an apricot, and is able to be harvested from summer to fall. The grapes have a sweet but peppery taste and are best fermented into wine. They are also proven to be amazing with hair loss.

Baited breath: a small thistle-like herb that grows beautiful thorny blue flowers. The flowers when they open in the mornings make a sighing noise, like someone exhaling. The seeds of this plant are sweet and aromatic, so are often added to a wide variety of dishes. They were also historically chewed on to clean teeth and are known to help humans and monsters alike recover from cavities

Dragons breath: the larger cousin to bated breath, this large thistle like herb grows to five feet and can make thorny black flowers the size of a humans head. The dragons breath flowers let out a brief puff of flame when they open in the morning, and their seeds are large and spicy in flavor. A very popular snack through all of ebott. They are also ground into a spice called dragons hoard.

Whimselites: this is a small bundle of leaves on a whimsot plant, a low growing vine. It was found in every underground au, and continues to be grown and harvested in the underground. If new leaf growths aren’t harvested, eventually the little bundles open up and pop off the mother plant to start a new one. They go great in salads and taste a lot like rocket leaves.

Snails Bane: the plant looks like a rock, but if you step on it, it’ll squish down secreting a snail like slime. It’s also very toxic to snails and should never be kept near them. The plant when cooked, is cut open and left to dry in the sun, before being sliced and put into stews as a flavoring agent. It tastes like chicken and is a favorite among ebotts vegetarians.

Loomy runners: a small magical radish that has two large roots at the end of its bulb. When exposed to fire, the radish will stand up on its roots and run away like a wobbly baby learning to walk. It must be cut up in pieces before being eaten, and sometimes the radish pieces will still flip around in the oven so covered baking dishes are recommended

Garwins Gourd: a large twisted gourd native to farmswap, garwins gourd is an attractive flamingo pink color when ripe and has a sweet taste not unlike a sweet potato. It can be cut up and puréed for pies or stews, boiled and mashed, or sautéed, but it cannot be eaten raw as heat is needed to bread down the thick fibers of the raw vegetable. The gourd also can be dried and is used as a cute storage container by many farm monsters. In recent years, fans of the plant have been able to grow yellow and orange varieties

Bloodroot: edible by monsters, but must be strained several times to be safe for human consumption, bloodroot is a thick large carrot like root that “bleeds” a crimson liquid when cut. The root eaten on its own tastes like a woody earthy grape mixed with a parsnip. It strangely smells like beef until cooked. The reasons for this is that the plant uses an animals digestive tract to strip the thick outer coat on its seeds. And when they come out the “other end” they can safely sprout when freed from their confines. Carnivorous animals are drawn to the root

Claymore mushroom: if directly stepped on by something heavy, this large blue grey mushroom will explode into large chunks catapulted into the air at speeds of up to 15 mph. It’s native to the factory monsters and farm AUs. The farmtale monsters made a winter sport of catapulting the mushrooms before the crash. The mushroom can be safely harvested by cutting it at the base of the stem, rendering it non-exploding.

Triangle of the coast: a magical cousin to broccoli and cauliflower, the triangle is a triangle shaped broccoli like growth that grows directly in the sand of beaches, and is farmed along a section of ebotts coastline in the winter months. The vegetable is a yellowish green color and tastes just like young broccoli. And for some reason, when picked, it secretes a pheromone that attracts crustacean sea creatures. so it’s also used as fish bait and a vegetable

Ferris-weeds: a cousin to the yarrow herb, Ferris weeds are a magical variety native to the farm and Drake AUs. It’s a tall growing herb, reaching up to 10 feet in height, and has a beautiful pale pink flower in the spring and summer. It’s mainly used to line fences as decor, but the flowers can also be eaten raw, pickled, or sautéed. What makes it magical is that it’s known to provide a full days worth of vitamin D in one meal, no matter the amount of flowers eaten. No one knows how the plant accomplished this

Pygmy pomegranates: this trees only been an official breed in the last five years. Developed by a monster from farmtale, Pygmy pomegranates are a cross breed between crab apples and standard pomegranates. They are perfectly dome shaped with a circle top and a completely flat bottom. The fruit is small, onky the size of a child’s fist, and full of orange pomegranate seeds with a purple skin. They taste just like a normal pomegranate

Deaths pearl: a small bundle of leaves, found deep in the ocean. The roots and lower halves of the leaves are pitch black, while the tips are a transparent blue. The vegetable gets its name from seafell, where a fraction of monsters fought to the death with a sea creature for a patch of the plants. This vegetable is completely edible from its roots, leaves, stems and seeds. It tastes very similar to celery mixed with cucumber. Nowadays it’s cultivated by sea monsters all along ebotts coast and is considered a staple vegetable due to being able to grow year round.

Star seeds: contrary to the name, this is not from the outer AUs but was an underground crop. The seeds of an echo flower are the plants only edible part, and are ground into a fine iron filled flour. They’re rather bitter though, so bread made from them nowadays is often paired with cheese to flavor it.

Spiderbloom: pollinated only by spiders, this plant flowers in the fall and produces fruits in the winter. It creates an eerie black and purple blossom who’s pollen only sticks to spider silk in order to pollenate. The fruits have a soft flesh and taste a bit like figs and blueberries.

Golden flowers: a favorite of the royals, and ebotts national flower and crop. Golden flowers are a beautiful gold magic buttercup that can be dried and turned into tea. They have a lovely effect of softening the hair and skin, and humans claim the tea helps with acne. It’s delicious, sweet and has small hints of lemon in the taste. The flowers are mostly indoor plants as they burn up in direct sunlight.

Mandrakes: a four point magical root that screams when unearthed, the mandrake root is extremely popular for its soft potato like flesh, and the large lineup of nutrients it holds. It’s often mashed, used as a potato substitute, or thrown into stews and soups. It’s a popular baby food as well as its mild taste is comforting for kids, and the quality of it helps parents ensure picky eaters get what they need in a meal

Frog stool mushroom: a large aquatic mushroom resembling a lily pad. It’s found in shallow freshwater areas like lakes and larger parts of streams. This large mushroom is nutty in flavor and is often planted in ponds by farmers for not only its flavor, but also to filter the water on their property to make it safe for the animals to drink. It’s recommended to only eat the small young ones as the large ones after so many years of filtering are more waste than nutrients.

Fishweed: a seaweed that grows along the seaside cliffs of ebott. It’s named after its strong fishy smell. It’s dried and cut into strips and eaten as a snack like jerky or chips

Pearwood tree: this tree has a beautiful bark pattern in the shape of sliced pears. When dry, the bark begins to chip and is easy to peel off. The bark can be infused into drinks giving a crisp grape and lettuce flavor, and has the magical effect of making harmless sparks come out of one’s mouth when they speak. Because of the attractiveness of the trees bark, and the pretty pale green fir spines as leaves, it’s also a popular garden ornament plant as well as a crop

Cinderpetals: a small magic herb with red tipped star shaped leaves. This plant as a defense mechanism will burst into flame when the leaves are picked off. Don’t be alarmed though, the fire is harmless and even adds to the flavor as many monsters say. The leaves have a crisp almost citrusy flavor and are put into potions, drinks and energy tonics due to their natural caffeine content.

Boarberry: it was only seen in horrorfarm and drakefell before the crash. It’s a wild berry bush that parasites off of trees, growing on the sides of the trunks. The berries are a creamy pale green and taste like a bitter plum. They were traditionally used to flavor meads, and were made into jams, pie fillings and baked into breads.

Honeybeans: a climbing magic bean plant that only grows near beehives. It will grow around the hive protecting the bees by secreting pheromones that deter would-be predators, and in return it feeds off the honey as well as the soil near the hive and sunlight. Because of this, the beans are deliciously sweet, tasting like caramel but with the buttery texture of a Lima bean. What makes this plant magic is that when seeds are planted, it seems to summon bees to it. Bees will abandon hives to start building around the bean, or if that’s not convenient enough, the bugs actually uproot the plant itself and Carries it to the hive in an amazing show of teamwork

Silver bells: a droopy vine with silver tipped leaves. It grows a berry like vegetable that resembles a tomato, but with a blue grey skin and a deep purple flesh. The magic fruit entices one to eat it by “calling” its harvester with a tinkling bell noise. The vegetables when hitting each other sound like the light clinking of metal. The vegetable is rather tasteless save for a faint cabbage flavor. It’s very beneficial to bone growth though and is highly recommended that young growing children and the elderly eat some every week.

Ground cherries: a strange magical fruit tree that grows its fruit beneath the soil. The very tip of the small cherry sized fruits are visible peeking through the dirt when they’re ready for harvest. They taste like blue. Some college human students say it’s the closest they’ve ever gotten to the taste of blue Gatorade in ebott

Ebott-only livestock:

Greater turkey: like the name suggests, this is just a massive variety of turkey. The birds can reach the size of cows. Naturally they’re a breed made by the farm AUs. They’re slowly becoming more popular as a holiday food for larger families. Last gyftmas broke the record of greater turkeys slaughtered and sold in one season. Thankfully for the farmers, these birds were bred for temperament as well and are quite gentle and docile

Jimmy crickets: they were previously called roasting crickets, but one witty monster renamed his after Disney started streaming in ebott, and the rest copied him as the bugs became a popular food for kids. It’s a magical variety of cricket that was cultivated underground. They eat moss, and are high in iron, copper, and folate. They’re brightly colored, most normally a bright red. They taste a bit like bacon bits.

Struggle grubs: like the name suggests, this bug was cultivated to be cheap, year round and plentiful. It’s a comfort food for many underground monsters who lived through poverty before the crash. The grubs will eat anything hence why they were labelled as “poor food” as underground they were fed mainly trash. Nowadays farmers feed them much healthier foods and the grubs are much better quality.

Riding/battle boars: funny enough, this type of domesticated hog was only found in horrorfell and drakefell before the crash. Many think that there’s a special connection between the two AUs cause this isn’t the only thing they share. In drakefell they were known as riding boars and were used to pull carts and plows, for eating and dairy, and battle of course. In horrorfarm they were only war animals, used to sniff out enemies and ram through enemy lines. The boar is intelligent like a dog, easily trained, and has an amazing sense of smell. They’re still used as farm hand animals to help plow and de-bug fields. The females can be milked and the cheese made from that milk is very heavy and fatty. They taste like pork, but because of their sacredness to the drakefell monsters and humans, it’s considered a big dishonor to eat one that didn’t die of natural causes.

Lesser deer: a small goat sized deer only found in ebott, they were originally found in the nomads forest. They’re very passive creatures and easily domesticated. Many farms are beginning to add them to livestock because of the delicious soft meat on the animals, and their varied diets.

Rolland’s horned snail: a large cow sized snail bred by the Rolland family from farmswap. The snails on average are the size of draft horses and can weigh nearly a ton. They’re bred purely for their meat and the shells are also sold as decoration, or ground as a binding agent mixed into cement. The snails are fed mainly sawdust, dried grass, and weeds. It takes nearly 20 years for one to reach full size though.

Pearled salmon: a freshwater salmon native to ebott, it can be caught wild or bought from a hatchery. The scales look like pale pink and white pearls underwater, but turn grey when dry. The salmon has a white flesh and the taste is subtler than normal salmon.

Ice pips: this is a thin needle like magic fish that loves cold temperatures so much it creates its own chill. Any room the fish is kept in stays just cold enough to freeze the top of the water in its tank, but not so cold to freeze the whole tank. It is a farmers essential for any farmers who want a proper freezer basement or shed. Almost every farm monster owns a tank of them as it’s much cheaper to feed a few fish crickets every couple days than it is to pay electric for a large shed/room. Rancher and peaches have a tank of pips in their basement, and harpy has a whole massive storage shed cooled by her own tank.

Gremlins: small quail sized ugly little creatures that resemble a cross between a toad, gopher and pug, with wrinkled faces, round bodies and bumpy hairless skin. These little creatures are extremely easy to train and are used on farms to control bug pest levels. They are also slowly gaining popularity as a household pet because of their friendly natures. What makes this animal magic is its tongue which can stretch and shoot out nearly 12 feet at a time in pursuit of a big. Which is clearly magic as the tongue is only a few inches long when resting in the body, and when (gently) pulled by an outside force, it barely gets out of the mouth. A gremlin is edible as well, tasting like chicken by most reports, but farmers who raise them dislike eating the critters as they often can’t help but start viewing them as family.

Land shrimp: it’s literally a shrimp that survives on land. They’re fast breeders and must be kept indoors to prevent an outbreak. They’re fed a mixture of grain, oats, bone, and unwanted meat cuts. The magic shrimp will resort to cannibalism if not fed on time, so require dedication to raise. And yes, they taste like normal shrimp

Smithers basilisk: a long bodied lizard that’s roughly the size of a basset hound, the Smithers basilisk’s true origins are unknown, but have been a common livestock animal for generations among the Drake monsters and humans. The large lizards have a poison sack behind the eyes that are removed after they hatch for safety purposes. They’re raised for a number of reasons: their scaled hides make great leather, the eggs are large and females can lay year round if there’s a male in the pack, and they’re great ratters. So many farmers keep a few to help control the pests on their farm.

Jeweled scarabs: both an animal raised as livestock and a popular pet, these palm sized beetles have stunning shells in a beautiful glossy array of colors looking just like crystal. They’re raised primary for the shells which are harvested when the beetles die of old age. The shells are broken and polished to be used as jewelry, decoration, tile and even used in pottery and glazes. They have a short lifespan of just 2 years sadly, hence why they don’t beat out snails as the most popular pet. The bodies of the beetles are also ground and used as feed for other animals needing protein in their diets.

Roc birds: a poultry bird native to the bird AUs, this was a fat flightless bird that is accustomed to living on rocky cliffs. It has very strong talons and legs in order to climb and move around safely. And a huge oversized beak strong enough to break rocks. The birds are about the size of a duck and have grey speckled feathers. They were bred for their eggs and meat, the hens laying several a day. But they’re difficult to raise as they’re aggressive.

Wooly snails: these snails are about the size of a standard goose when fully grown, and the shells grow a thick fur that needs to be peeled off every few weeks to keep the snail comfortable and mobile. The pelts are then throughly washed and used for clothing, pillow filler, and all other kinds of things. The snails come in a variety of colors with white being the most common, but also a powder blue and lilac. They’re raised mostky by monsters at the top of ebotts mountain range as the snails need cool temperatures to be healthy

Dwarf rock bees: ebott’s special bee variety, the only bee known to be underground. The dwarf rock bee resembles a black fluffy bumblebee, but is so small it can barely cover Abraham Lincoln’s face on a penny. The bees will only create hives in stone structures (or around a honey bean plant) and hives can host millions of bees at a time. The tiny fluff balls are stingless and extremely prone to predators as they had very few underground. When alarmed, they make a shrill buzzing noise together, and copy a frequency that they know scares animals away. For most hives, that means turning their buzzing into a car alarm. Some enthusiasts of the bee keep them indoors in smaller controlled hives and have even trained the bees to copy songs that are repeated often around them. And of course they make honey

Alrighty! There are three ways one can make magical food!

1: it’s a learned magic to add intent to food. Every monster learns it as children. It’s just one of those things your parents are supposed to teach you, like driving or how to clean.

Intent affects the foods taste and sometimes even gives it mild healing properties. So someone making a batch of cookies with a lot of love and passion can make some hecking fine cookies. However there’s a limit. Pour too much passion (or any type of intent really) and you’ll burn the food. Even if you’re not using heat to cook.

This is why undyne regularly nukes her kitchen

2: plants can become magical after several generations of being exposed to magic. That’s why the underground was able to host so many plant varieties despite the lack of sunlight. This can’t really be controlled since it happens randomly. Any food cooked with the plants has magical properties as well

3: the farmtale monsters have perfected earth magic over the centuries. Any native born farmtale monster has the ability to bond to the land they own and produce much higher quality, quantity, and magical produce. This includes animals too. They become more docile, intelligent, and produce more. The magical skill of bonding to your land is seen as familial magic and can only be passed down through blood

And finally, some famous drinks and dishes only found in ebott!!!

Gauzeberry freeze: the expensive but delicious drink consists of milk, shaved ice, honey, blueberries, coconut and of course gauzeberries. It’s sold only in special occasions like national holidays. Otherwise the only way to get it is to make it at home, which is quite difficult due to the nature of gauzeberries. It does make one float a few inches off the ground for an hour after drinking

Fries and bits: mixed bugs, most commonly crickets, are cleaned and fried with potato wedges, and in fancier dishes, onion rings and fried artichoke hearts are added. It’s a greasy but delicious meal and many fried fast food places sell this dish

Boars honor stew: a dish coming from drakefell. When a drakes boar dies, whether from old age, an injury, or sickness, never intentionally slaughtered for food, their burial ritual for the animal is to stew it in a massive pot filled with potatoes, other root vegetables, blood root, boar berries, dragons breath and a load of mushrooms. The boar is carefully cleaned, and the blood used to fertilize the drakes, or communities crops. Then the animal is put in the pot whole and stewed for around four days before being passed around and eaten. It’s a dish meant to be shared, not bought. So to be offered some is a great honor

Roc on rocks: it requires a roc bird for the traditional version of the dish, but chicken will do too for a close substitute. The breast meat of a roc bird is thinly sliced and marinated in an orange citrus sauce for a few hours. Then traditionally a flat rock is heated up, and the thin slices are cooked on top, then laid on a bed of cabbage and thinly sliced carrots before being served. However pan frying is a safe at home substitute if one doesn’t have a big rock and outdoor campfire

Golden pearwood tea cake: goldenflowers and pearwood bark are dried and made into tea. The tea must be strained and left in the fridge to chill while the cake base is created. It’s preferred to use a nut flour like almond or hazelnut. The cake flour is then moistened with the tea, and a light honey glaze is added on top when it comes out of the oven

Cinder-spark: a popular energy drink brand made in ebott from cinderpetals. It comes in three flavors: jalapeño, spicy strawberry and electric orange. All flavors are spicy with electric orange being the mildest. Never drink more than two a day

Treasure chests: a shiny beautiful salad dish of heartyheads, leafy greens, beets, sea eggs, deaths pearl, and topped with cooked pearled salmon. It’s a beautiful colorful dish and a favorite at seafood restaurants along seashore. And it’s extremely nutritious

Snaproot pockets: like the name suggests, it’s a little baked pouch filled with puréed snaproot. It’s created with either mochi flour or cattail flour, the little flour pouch is filled with mashed or puréed snap root, and is topped with seeds like sesame after being baked. This dish can also be made with pumpkin and garwins gourds instead of snaproot.

Lions jello: made from boiled cattails, and infused with goldenflower tea, this is ebotts national desert. The cattails make an attractive milk white jello with a light airy taste, and the goldenflower adds flavor and speckles of gold inside. It’s a beautiful dessert and is a favorite of many of the royals

Snail pie: ebotts national dish: this is a pie filled with cubed snail meat, pearled onions, garlic, many spices to taste, and spinach. The pie is baked like a normal pot pie and is usually topped with seeds for better looks. Mini versions are sold at festivals and food trucks, and kids in public school get mini snail pies on Fridays for lunches.

Silver broth: made from boiled silver bells and bones, this broth is a popular soup base because of its mild taste, and is highly recommended that parents use it when cooking for their children as it promotes healthy bone, teeth and ecto growth. In winter months too, it’s sold alone as a savory drink with sliced dried mushrooms and spring onions as an alternative to sugary hot drinks

Wailing baby mash: it’s a terrible name but parents seem to think it’s funny. Mandrakes are mashed with other veggies (and often a bit of silver broth is added) to make a soft baby food safe for monsters and human babies old enough for solid food. It has a mild taste which is pleasant for kids. Many parents used mashed mandrakes in place of mashed potatoes well into their kids childhood as a healthier and cheaper alternative

Goths on toast: another terrible name, Asgore really sucks at naming things, and he’s to blame for this one as the creator asked him to endorse the dish. A delicious spread is made from the fruit of a spiderbloom, blackberries and dark or ground cherries. The fruit spread is spiced with a hint of cinnamon and nutmeg and spread on bread as a sweet morning breakfast. It’s often paired with fancy cheeses and is served as a dish to show off your class. No charcuterie board in ebott is complete without this spread

Pigment potion: twigs mixed with alcohol creates a magic drink that can change the color of one’s ecto, hair/fur and eyes. The more diluted the drink, the shorter the effect. And to control what color the drink becomes, it needs to be hand made with a certain color in mind. A drink of magic, intent and booze. Any sort of alcohol does fine so usually cheap wine is used. And in festivals, watered down versions are allowed to be sold to children as long as a parent is present

Gyftmas cookies: of course they have to be baked with sweet salt. These brown cookies are made with the sweet salt spice, molasses, plain flour and honey. They’re decorated of course and are part of a popular gyftmas tradition called the cookie trade. At parties, each family shows up with a plate of cookies, and they go around having to swap one of their cookies on the plate for one from another’s family. By the end of the party, they go home with a plate from multiple families.

Crabby patties: this name was popular way before SpongeBob was introduced to ebott. There was a fierce legal battle between Marcelo and Nickelodeon for him to keep the name of the popular dish sold at his grocery stores. He just barely won, and the name is only allowed to be used with free reign in ebott lol. Crabby patties are smoked crab apple thinly sliced and pickled, then placed on a slab of either cooked snail or cooked hamburger patty. The bun is traditionally wrapped cabbage leaves, but bread buns are more popular on the surface these days. Every hamburger place has a crabby patty burger on their menu.

Fae floss: pasta from boiled flossy sticks is topped with a thick brown sauce made from goats cheese, powder shrooms, and finely chopped herbs. Other mushrooms are added to the pasta and often bugs like grubs, chopped beetles or worms are added. If bugs aren’t your cup of tea, shredded chicken is fine instead

Mead of lady magic: this mead is flavored with pomegranate seeds and honey beans to make a rich mild drink. It was also used in rituals by the temple monsters before the crash, and is still considered a holy drink by them. Only made and drank on sacred days.

Sun therapy: this light sandwich is made with pickled Ferris weed flowers, salami and mozerella cheese. The sandwich is toasted and topped with more cheese. A delicious meal full of vitamin D

Tarotile cheesecake. A plain slice of cheesecake, colored a deep forest green by adding Tarotile to the cooking process. The cake tastes like a wonderful wild berry blend according to monsters, but is highly toxic to humans and mages. Any one who dares sell it to a human without signed consent can be arrested and held for trial on attempted bodily harm.

#undertale imagines #undertale headcanons #worldbuilding

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sheydgarden · 14 days

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Hey! First of all, I absolutely love your work. It's so provocative and I'm a huge fan of your clear inspiration from history and your reinterpretation/modernization. Absolute 10/10 a feast for the eyes. I love love love active participation in history/religion/folklore through art so much, and you're one of the artist I've seen it pull off best. Instant love and frankly a great inspiration (like for real, this kicked me back into working on my little medieval west European manuscript project).

I do have a question! I am not Jewish myself and I'd love to buy something at your shop. I also understand many of the imagery and items you're selling are deeply grounded in your faith/culture and I absolutely do not want to buy something that is not for me! Ergo, which items are you OK with selling to a goy (I presume the zines are) and which should I stay away from? (sidenote: I'm not about to use anything for spiritual purposes, unless my aforementioned obsession with history/material culture/art counts).

♥️ I hope you're having a great day!

thank you so much for this sweet message! really appreciate hearing that my work has inspired you ♥️

you've inspired me to make a FAQ page, as i get this kind of question fairly regularly (it's a great question!) & i can never remember exactly where i've answered it. i've written in more length on that page, but the short version is:

i'm absolutely cool with non-Jewish folks buying almost anything from me, with the rare exceptions being things like the "GOTH JEW" shirt (which literally refers to the person wearing it as a Jew) or any Judaica bought for the purpose of using it in a non-Jewish/appropriated religious or spiritual practice, which i could see potentially happening with something like a pocket golem - i do see that as different than appreciating the golems as cultural art, which i'm happy for all kinds of folks to do!

#asks

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clownhoodieguy · 3 months

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Alright, so I saw this post a while ago about elemental preds and how their stomachs would appear, and I really wanted to add to it but I couldn't think of anything at the time. Since then, I have come up with a few ideas, and would like to share them:

- Crystal elemental: Swallowing miners and adventures that stray too deep into mines, their stomachs would be bejeweled with crystal pillars and protrusion, which bedazzle their prey. The crystal pillars would actually be quite soft, like jelly that had simply formed into that shape.

-Mirror golem: While not exactly an elemental, they are made up of a single item, mirrors! They haunt the ruins of sun temples, where they were once used to redirect light. They eat their prey by trapping them within a pocket dimension that reflects the world outside of the golem. Feeling around the space, it's certainly a stomach, just one that provides a clear image of the outside world all around you, if that makes sense.

- Chaos elemental: Beings of pure, chaotic energy, unpredictable and formless, these blobs of power dart around meteors dropped onto the earth by angry gods. These beings have no definitive stomachs, instead, their prey is squeezed and pumped through a seemingly infinite, twisting, spiraling esophagus. Throughout this esophagus, prey is slowly drained of all their potential energy until they fall unconscious, perish, or are reduced to nothing. Prey that is lucky enough to survive are often left physically warped.

Anyway, thats all my ideas for now! If you know the post I'm talking about, please please please link it in the notes if that's possible, or tell me who posted it so I can properly credit them!

#v0re #vore talk #safe vore #soft v0re #sfw vore #digestion mention tw #fatal

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inbarfink · 8 months

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xantchaslegacy · 4 months

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Lyese

(A March of the Machine Aftermath fanfic; please give the story on AO3 a read and leave a comment if you can ;) )

Lyese was gone.

Lyese was gone, and the sky was empty.

And below, Phyrexia reeled.

...

Glissa stood alone. To every side the open sands of the Glorious Facade rolled away in shallow hills, fine grains of pearl-white sand cool and still beneath her heels.

Not even the wind stirred those grains.

And Lyese, that green sun of Phyrexia, and of Mirrodin before it, was gone.

They’ve all gone.

Every sun that’s ever graced Phyrexia.

Or Mirrodin before it.

Black reigned above Glissa. Not even the vivid-dark light of Ingle, the black sun, but an empty, blank, unbroken black. Lifeless black. Only the far edges of the sky (if you could call it a sky) were interrupted, by tilted, moldering monuments to Phyrexia and its praetors. Silent sentinels lording over nothing at all.

Glissa’s eyes searched the black.

Searched in vain.

Even without the light of the suns, she could see the plane around her clearly. The sands, the monuments, the wandering figure of the occasional phyrexian pilgrim, one of those pensive, nomadic creatures who graced the facade of late. Everything was thrown into sharp, shadow-less relief, as though illuminated on all sides by a colorless, unseen moon.

Whether this strange, source-less light was the effect of Phyrexia’s banishment to a pocket space beyond the multiverse, or of some as-of-yet unknown property of the argent shell their new Phyrexia had been built upon, no one yet knew.

Karn had said once, when Glissa was fitting him to be the next father of machines, that Mirrodin was sunless at the time of its creation. He had called it “Argentum” then, in the eponymous nature of a demigod. Argentum had been empty too, if the silver golem’s ravings were to be believed. Empty but for the blinkmoths. Empty, but beautiful and precise and rich in detail. Mathematical artistry in planar form.

A bitter smile split Glissa’s lips. Urabrask would have loved such a thing, that form-loving fool.

Now the exterior of the plane was an unending uniformity of sand, hex-plates...and these gaudy monuments to the glory of Elesh Norn’s Phyrexia.

Glory . Glissa spat a wad of tarry oil onto the ground. It shivered on the surface for a moment before soaking into the sands. What arrogance drives a conqueror to build monuments before she’s even triumphed? As if New Phyrexia were ever even hers entirely. As if she’d won us all over before she planted her ruinous realm-breaking tree and challenged all the multiverse.

She felt the lie in these thoughts as they filtered through her mind. Just out of sight over the horizon, there was a statue to Vorinclex. Further in the other direction, one of Urabrask, heretic and rebel though he had been. Phyrexians of all factions had joined in Norn’s invasion, even if some had dissented, and the monuments would not let her forget.

Glissa had walked as far as she could from those monuments for...for what, really?

An uninterrupted view of the blank, pitch nothing that surrounds us now?

Her eyes twitched; a hunter’s acuity taking in the whole expanse above. Again and again. Moment by moment. Alert for even the smallest movement or disruption to that black uniformity. A secondary set of optic nerves, connected to a lens in her eyes that saw heat signatures, flickered on and off, seeing the same blank field.

Yes, that’s exactly why I came here. Exactly why I keep returning. Confirmation that the suns have fled our sky.

No.

That they’ve been torn from their place.

White Bringer, red Sky Tyrant, the blue Eye of Doom, black Ingle...the green Ugly Child.

Lyese. Lyese was not an ugly. And she was a woman grown. A child for a time, perhaps, but it was beautiful.

No, not it.

She.

Glissa grimaced. Not at the sentiment itself, but because, no matter how hard she tried to recall, she did not know where the sentiment came from. The Mirran goblins had had a vast mythology prescribed to the suns. She had familiarized herself with that mythology, but she also knew their name for the green sun, ‘the ugly child’ was not appropriate. She knew Lyese was a name for the green sun, she also knew it was not their name for her. It was Glissa’s name for her. It had been her name for the green sun for many years, before she’d known Phyrexia’s touch.

She was so certain of it, she just couldn’t say why.

She moved forward. One step. Two steps. The facade had been as dangerous a place as any in New Phyrexia before the great invasion, but now it lay inert. Swallowing, confounding sands had fallen still. Wandering predators, the outcasts of the layers below, still haunted the corners of the place, but most had fled back into the lower spheres in the time since the plane had been cut off from rest of the multiverse.

Fertile hunting grounds, once. Now it was still and sterile. Prey could see and hear a predator coming miles off. This glorious facade was the furthest thing from the Hunter’s Maze. Even the Quiet Forge had ledges and heights for a predator to pounce from. Even the Jin’s surgical bays had tunnels and chambers to lie in ambush – and prey worth chasing.

There wasn’t much prey worth hunting on New Phyrexia now, and the hunt was no longer about growing strong for the Grand Evolution, but simple, mean survival. The plane could no longer afford to squander its resources pursuing the disparate objectives of every sphere and faction.

Glissa grit her teeth. Stepped faster. Even in the absence of wind, the cold air rushing past felt soothing.

The facade was no place for a hunter, but it was the only place she could get away.

The only place she could breath.

This is as far as any of us can go without leaving, and leaving is no longer an option.

She’d felt most comfortable above the surface of the plane for as long as she could remember. Maybe that was why she’d pushed to unleash the beasts of the vicious swarm on the Mirrans long before any other faction had deigned to emerge. It had been balm to leave the artificial light of the interior…

...to hunt and bask in the light of Lyese...

Glissa scowled. Rushed forward even faster.

Her responsibilities in the spheres below felt distant here. The facade was a reprieve. A precious rest and intermission from the burdens of being a leader, and a mother to a world thrice-orphaned.

Veins pulsed in the back of Glissa’s skull, beneath copper cables of hair. Each throb a phyrexian, waiting still in its incubating pod somewhere on the spheres below, destined to emerge too late to take any part in the invasion for which they’d been germinated and crafted. Each throb a child who would emerge instilled with an undeniable purpose they would never be able to fulfill.

And it fell to Glissa and the other remaining nursemaids of this abandoned Phyrexia to find purpose on their behalf.

Her skull pounded. She had attuned herself to the birthing pods of Phyrexia at Norn’s suggestion, but using the means of the Grand Evolution. She’d thought it a clever subversion of Norn’s machinations, to incorporate her own innovations, crotus-born organs and enhancements, into the final design of the birthing and conversion pods, but all she’d done in the end was saddle herself with a responsibility that weighed down like shackles of blightsteel.

Another succession of pulses, bringing her head close to aching.

Glissa did not want to be a mother.

The Glissa she had been before Phyrexia had not wanted to be a mother either. She hadn’t even wanted to be a warrior. Not in the way that was expected of the elves of the Tangle, at least. Though she only remembered this life in brief, erratic flashes, or those rare stretches when she dreamed, she was sure of this much. The Glissa-before-Phyrexia had only wanted to be free.

But Mirrodin was not a plane for being free. It had never been such a place, no matter how much the Mirran resistance romanticized the times before New Phyrexia’s ascendancy.

It had been sterile from the start. This much they knew from Karn. It had been empty. Unintended for any life except for Karn’s guests - the demigods that had been the planeswalkers of old. When life had been brought to its sterile surface, by Karn’s mad steward, Memnarch, that life found a hostile world waiting for it. Grain and game scraped from what cold metal would allow to grow on it. A menagerie of artifact predators that swept across the plane to cull and to kill.

Not a home , but a slaughterhouse. A petri dish for Memnarch to grow a planeswalking spark so he could steal it and leave that world of barren metal behind .

K arn had lamented Memnarch at length in his more lucid moments. He had not meant to be a parent either. The weeping regret he felt in his failure at that role had made Glissa uneasy in a way that even his most frantic ravings had not.

Perhaps because it affected me directly, in another life.

Memnarch’s world produced Glissa. Glissa and a spark that should have made her free, but made her prey instead – the indefinite prey of Memnarch the mad. That world had forced the old Glissa to be the meanest, lowest thing imaginable: a survivor. Prey.

None of that made her any more inclined toward motherhood, and neither her death nor rebirth had changed that inclination. To live as a phyrexian was enough. To hunt as a phyrexian had been sublime.

And yet she had let motherhood be thrust upon her.

Norn had been clever about it. Dressed motherhood in skins (skin...that hateful stuff) that she knew Glissa would find appealing. The role as an alpha not just for the Vicious Swarm, but for all the fledgling cubs of Phyrexia. A mentor for the incubated, the new swarm that would prey upon the every inch of the multiverse that their invasion tree could spread its branches into.

She would have an avenue to ensure the Grand Evolution benefited all factions of Phyrexia. Through the invasion, she would have brought the blessing of strength to countless worlds. Thanks to her, all would have known the freedom to evolve past the limits the incompleat put on themselves and others in compensation for their weakness. Liberation from all the expectations and trappings and manipulations and hypocrisies of “civilized” fools.

Glissa clenched her fists. Copper on copper ground together. Sand ground under her heels as she strode on.

In truth, she’d been nothing more than a nursery guard. A kept spouse keeping Norn’s house in order, worrying over germs in the womb while the self-proclaimed “Mother of Machines” stood on her parapet, conducting the actual invasion efforts.

Efforts that failed. Efforts that set back everything their New Phyrexia had worked towards.

And just like Norn’s incompetence had stolen the future of the Swarm, just as Norn’s cunning (and the interference of that worm, Tezzeret) had stolen Karn and Glissa’s place at the helm of Phyrexia years ago.

More pounding. Glissa touched the wind-cooled copper of her palm to her forehead, to ease the sensation.

If Norn was wrong to seize control, and to force herself on all the burgeoning beliefs of New Phyrexia, was I truly any better?

Hadn’t she been acting the mother to Karn then? Hadn’t she betrayed the swarm’s disdain for individuality by taking on that role? Hadn’t they excised Yawgmoth from their dogma of predators and prey for his failures? Didn’t making any one phyrexian the father or mother of machines run contrary to what she aspired to?

No. It was not the same. I sought to install leadership to oversee that nature was left alone to run its course. It was not for the glory or honor that came with such a role, but for the functionality. The practicality of it.

A rationale as fragile as the facade, but it would do for now.

That Glissa had believed Norn would ever hand her back any fraction of that power in earnest was laughable. She should have been suspicious when so many of the caretakers of the incubating and converted proved to be members of Norn’s Alabaster Host.

But she had persisted in her role, down in the depths of the spheres. A better caretaker than most of the Orthodoxy's host, at least. Even now, she had to move mountains to gather the hands needed to tend to the remaining pods. She had been so subservient to those ends during the invasion that she had not even been present on the surface to say a final farewell to Lyese, before the Zhalfirins stole her away.

Not been present for a final farewell.

Maybe it was justice, for her folly.

Glissa halted, inspecting the sands around her. She might as well have not moved, for all the change in scenery her strides had brought.

Her muscles tensed, and for a single, thrilling moment, Glissa warred with the impulse to attack the ground with her claws, and tear a new hole through the facade to Mirrex below. It would be a delicious catharsis , but she had to be a builder now, and tearing the facade down would only be denying Phyrexia space that it would badly need in the days ahead.

W aste not, want not.

Slobad was at work on a scheme to reinforce this outermost sphere into a surface they could actually build something meaningful upon. The facade had been made at first out of little but scrap metal and malice. A structure as mean as the spite that had motivated it, and just as flimsy. Norn’s mouthpieces had claimed constructing the Facade was a strategic decision. One to expedite the task of defeating the Mirran rebels by demoralizing them. Any fool could have guessed it would only aggravate. Solidify the Mirran resolve and spur them to fight all the fiercer. Norn had to have known that, but she was, in the end, a spiteful creature. A cruel creature.

It was by malice the mirrans had their suns taken from them. Had their suns blotted out.

And now those suns were lost to Phyrexia.

Maybe that was justice.

Glissa shuddered. That was not a phyrexian thought. Strength was the only justice in the multiverse. Triumph was the only vindication that held any value in the world.

And yet, Glissa could not help but feel Lyese would have found a justice in what had happened. She had always had a strong sense of justice, especially when it came to punishing the guilty. Especially after her parents had died.

Glissa blinked.

Parents? The only parent the suns of Mirrodin had was the core. And she was certain none of the goblin myths had mentioned any parent other than the great mother. Certainly not a mother and father, as Glissa felt certain Lyese had had.

Lyese is a sun, not a daughter.

Or was she a moon?

Again, Glissa tilted her eyes to where the sky was not. Lyese continued to be nowhere in sight.

Lyese had wanted to be a wife. A mother. Glissa could never empathize with that, but she wanted it for Lyese. She wanted Lyese to be happy.

Glissa scowled. Why did she know that? Where did it come from? The notion had vexed her for years, and not a single comple a ted mirran goblin had ever corroborated these notions of Lyese. They did not even know the name.

And why did she miss Lyese?

Because Lyese was strong and bright and beautiful.

She is a sun.

It is a sun.

A strong, beautiful sun.

But strong as it was, if Glissa didn’t know where Lyese was, then how could she protect it when it needed protecting? How could Glissa embrace her when she cried? How could-

Glissa grabbed at her shoulder with metal-shod fingers and gripped it tightly.

Where is this coming from?

The pain was just inconvenience for her body, but it centered her.

It was all the losing that was causing her to lose focus. Losing Karn. Losing authority to Norn and the machinations of that shit-licker Tezzeret. Losing the invasion. Losing Benzir. Losing Lukka, and so many of the Swarm’s other beautiful predators.

Losing Geth, even, had stung. Grasping, treacherous buffoon though he was, Geth had been familiar, even when New Phyrexia was not, and Glissa was quickly running out of familiar things to anchor herself when everything became heavy. She would work with Ixhel to keep this new, reduced Phyrexia intact, but she would never forgive Atraxa’s little maggot of a child for re-purposing Geth.

Everything familiar is falling away.

Glissa drove her claws deeper into her shoulder.

The pain centered her.

...

The pain helped her focus.

…

Glissa’s eyes snapped open.

Someone was coming.

She did not move, or make any further outward indication she noticed that the ground was vibrating, just slightly. That there was a shifting in the grains of sand in the distance behind her. A predator did not scare so easily, and…

...

...and besides, she recognized the tread of the creatures approaching her.

They were welcome.

So she waited, breathing steady. She tilted back her head, eyes scanning the sky.

Just in case.

“Glissa?”

“Is something wrong, Slobad?” She kept her back turned, but she could picture the two figures behind her. One made of solid-forged steel, guided by the keenest mind left on the plane. One huddled and bristling, but bulging with muscle that put the steel body of the other to shame. Smaller creatures bustled and skittered at this second figure’s feet.

“Just came to see you, huh? Everything alright?”

S he didn’t answer. D idn’t know what to say to that. So she let them approach, turning only when they were within five paces.

Vorinclex was still technically shorter than Slobad, even though he’d been eating and growing at a voracious pace since the Zhalfirins had separated his head from his body. It was a w ound that would normally have been trivial for him to regenerate from , but the Zhalfiri ns’ cursed time mage had cast an enchantment on Vorinclex that slowed his normally prodigious healing to less than a crawl. The spell had persisted beyond Phyrexia’s banishment to this void, and the nominal praetor of the Vicious Swarm was still no larger than a juvenile vorrac.

But he was growing, at least. Growing, and more than a match for most any creature left in, above, or below the Hunter’s Maze.

S curr y ing about Vorinclex’s legs were small, hunched, raptor-like creatures of chrome, poking at the sands and sniffing the air. T wo of them were perched on Vorinclex’ back.

Glissa gave a tight smile as one of the little chrome raptors trotted up to her, and examined her legs with small tilts of its head. Norn hadn’t tried to make a parent of Vorinclex, but he had insisted no one else was suited to raise Jin’s cannibal larvae into proper phyrexians.

Slobad coughed. “Glissa? How are you?”

“Did you smell me all the way up here?” Glissa did not like ignoring Slobad, but she still didn’t have an answer for him. Instead she ran a hand along Vorinclex’s snout. He growled appreciatively, though she knew, and he knew that she knew, that he had no tactile feeling in his steel bone carapace. “Stronger and sharper with every day. I knew that meddling mage couldn’t suppress your prowess for long.”

S lobad shook his head. “ Not Vorey. Myrabrask saw you, huh? Sent a message down to the other myr in the F urnace.”

Glissa spun around, grinding the sand beneath her heels and glaring at the nearest monument. It was in bad repair, even by the standard of the facade, sitting crooked in the sand like some titanic tree, a broad mask in the shape of Elesh Norn’s own face crumbling atop it.

And there, in the upper reaches of the porcelain metal, a dark-red form skulked, perched on the mask like a bird, half hidden with a single beady eye fixed on Glissa from atop a curved, beak-like head.

“From master of the forge to a skulking snitch,” Glissa hissed. “I wish you hadn’t put him back together, Slobad.”

Slobad shrugged. “Waste not, want not, huh? He’s been handy, hasn’t he?”

Glissa grunted, and turned away from the monument. She didn’t trust anything sneaky enough to get so close without her notice.

Still, she didn’t begrudge Slobad finding a use of Urabrask’s parts. He remained as good at skulking in the periphery as he’d been in his previous life, and honest to a fault. The information he’d gathered on the still-power-hungry portions of the Thane and Orthodoxy factions around the core kept their outer layers one step ahead of any scheming.

“So there’s nothing wrong?” She looked up from Vorinclex.

“Nothing you don’t already know about, huh?”

“Right.”

Glissa raised her gaze further, back to the sky above Slobad. On top of the utter upheaval among what was left of the Thanes and the basilica phyrexians, t here were growing concerns about how many of their offloaded resources were forever lost across the multiverse to the nigh-countless planes that Realmbreaker had linked together. Phyrexia had, in effect, gutted itself to empty out armies across every world in reach, banking on the prediction that what they spent would be replenished by the worlds they claimed. Very little had been brought back, relative to what Phyrexia sent out by the time the invasion tree had been hijacked, and the enemy had swapped P hyrexia’s place in the multiverse with this pocket of nothing where Zhalfir sat for centuries in stasis.

The lingering unrest between the spheres and the factions therein was almost trivial next to these logistical issues. The orthodoxy and the thanes did not have enough military might to exert the kind of authority they coveted. The former had spent themselves more completely than any other faction in the invasion, and the latter where as divided by in- f ighting as ever, the deaths of multiple thanes having done nothing to make their sphere more united.

The introduction of several not-fully-compleated, or even completely incompleat creatures from other planes was another issue. Branches that led out to the multiverse led right back to Phyrexia, and not every creature from the planes beyond that currently inhabited their isolated world had been brought their by their invasion forces. Ezuri, of all creatures, had allied with Vishgraz to gather these disparate planar orphans into a loose group that remained incompleat and as-of-yet unaffiliated with either the thanes, the orthodoxy, or Glissa’s even more tenuous coalition of Forge, Swarm, and Engine.

Slobad tapped a steely finger against his arm. The sound rang like a bell, soft and clear over the silent dunes. “Another council soon, yeah? See if we can’t talk our way to peace?”

Unlikely.

“Peace is a fever dream of the flesh,” Glissa answered. “I’ll settle for antagonistic coexistence at this point, so long as those fools don’t rip what’s left of Phyrexia to pieces.”

“You gotta talk to Ixhel at some point, huh?” Slobad tapped a nervous finger against his side. “Geth’s gone.”

“Geth’s gone,” Glissa echoed. She scooped up the Jin-raptor closest to her and set it in Slobad’s hand. The little creature tapped its snout against the goblin’s forearm, and started to climb its way up to the shoulder. “And a child holds the key to controlling the Thanes and the Orthodoxy both.”

“I’ll take Ixhel over the Alabaster Host worshiping some scarecrow made out of Norn’s guts, huh?” Slobad was flexing his arm up and down, making an obstacle course of the limb for the Jin-raptor. The goblin heads adorning Slobad’s shoulder moaned petulantly as the chrome creature clambered closer.

“A low-hanging fruit,” Glissa replied with a tight smile.

They hadn’t even found Norn’s pieces, in the end. Glissa had hoped, in small part, that she might at least be able to take out her frustrations on the Grand Cenobite’s corpse, but not a trace remained. She would have put a bounty out on the pieces, but the remainder of the Orthodoxy had put that exact call out already, and as far as anyone could tell from the wailing that still pervaded that inner sphere, no one had delivered.

“Three out of five spheres is more than we could have hoped for already,” Slobad remarked with a shrug, leaving the little raptor dangling from the lower lip of one of his shoulder-heads. The little thing squeaked and rasped as it pulled itself up, and started pecking the heads on the nose.

“More than we could have hoped for, and yet not enough.”

“When did you become the pessimist?” Slobad asked.

“I’m ever-evolving.”

“Still, well done so far, huh?”

Glissa nodded. She had thankfully engaged in plentiful diplomacy with the Progress Engine, even before Norn’s ascendancy over the other factions. Vorinclex’s constant and vitriolic spats with Jin-Gitaxias had made it necessary to pay that faction especial attention to ensure the sniping across territory had not unduly slowed the Grand Evolution. That groundwork had paid off in the past few months in securing gitaxian cooperation in negotiations with the inner spheres.

Slobad, in turn, had been vital to securing the cooperation of the fickle Furnace host. He and his newer, even more hidden Myrabrask.

Still, difficulties abounded. The gitaxians couldn't decide whether they loved or hated councils to discuss the way forward. One day they would be clamoring for an audience with every faction to proclaim they had divined some great advancement that would bring Phyrexia back to a state of flourishing. The next someone would press them on their research and the shrimp-spined fools would slink away to their labs and hiss that they did not wish to be disturbed.

The Furnace layer remained taciturn and sullen. Preoccupied with their craft to the point of obsession. With Norn gone the personalities with the...loudest sway seemed content to treat Urabrask’s remains as figurehead and Slobad as a tolerant (meaning ignorable when it suited them) leader, following the hidden praetor's final dictates to persist in their quiet building and development.

“We all have so much to offer,” Glissa said, half to herself. “If only we could act in harmony. If only we could converge naturally.”

Slobad tilted his head, quizzically. The raptor at his shoulder echoed this movement.

“Norn was wrong to partition New Phyrexia,” Glissa said, louder. “She was wrong for this desperate, sad attempt to ape the glory of the nine spheres. What has it benefited the Grand Evolution? Or the Great Synthesis, or the Great Work, for that matter? It was all for her vanity and the vanity of the Orthodoxy to be placed at the physical center, to keep Phyrexia divided into its singular colors, rather than letting them mix and make each other stronger. Divide us and lord over us, that’s what she did. We were meant to grind up against each other. To come together as a strong whole.”

Slobad nodded, though his lips were tight. “Is that what Phyrexia is?”

“It’s what it should be.”

“But is it what we are?”

It was Glissa’s turn to purse her lips. Old P hyrexia had been a parasite, ultimately, thriving only where it was able to steal and invade to claim the resources of others. What were the first phyrexians, after all, except for weak, arrogant, xenophobic, aristocratic flesh that had stolen the stronger flesh of other cultures, other bodies, to prop themselves up?

T he pounding in her head was back. Throbbing. Searing.

That was an incompleat way of looking at things, of course. The strength to steal for one’s own benefit was, after all, strength. Doesn’t the predator steal the life and vitality from the prey it consumes? Would anyone ever suggest that a predator apologize for taking that which it is strong enough to take?

Something nudged Glissa’s shoulder, nearly bowling her over and breaking her train of thought. Vorinclex had lunged at her, and was pouncing again, jaws wide.

She laughed and threw her body into a spin. Her foot landed along the side of Vorinclex’s face, and sent him sprawling sideways in the sand. The jin-raptors scurried all around them, flailing their arms and chirping shrilly.

Vorinclex swiped at her with one paw, then another. She dodged both, and when he swiped again, she knocked it aside with a savage counter-blow.

She hooted. “Such soft blows, cub!”

Vorinclex lunged again, but she seized him around the neck and threw herself onto the ground, dragging him to the sand with a heavy THUD.

They lay there entangled for a long minute, Glissa’s arms locked firm around Vorinclex’s neck.

“Better to – hrk – act than to stew in useless thoughts,” Vorinclex grunted.

“Better be strong if you wish to act against me,” Glissa grunted in return.

Vorinclex laughed at that. Most creatures would not know his laugh from the other fierce vocalizations of beasts, but he was Glissa’s own beating heart, and she knew.

The raptors knew too, and they swarmed the both of them, chirping and pecking.

The two disengaged and rose to their feet. Glissa gathered two of the raptors as she rose, and tossed them onto Vorinclex’ back, where they clung.

“A gathering then, soon.”

“Yeah.” Slobad dropped his shoulder-riding raptor onto Vorinclex’ back as well. “With Forge and Engine leadership, plus Ixhel and Ezuri. We’ll need to make sure the gitaxians behave this time, huh?”

Glissa nodded. “ The progress engine can posture all they want, but we have resources, and we’re the only factions willing to work with him and not above him. Unctus is too proud to acknowledge equals, but Malcator isn’t as fool-headed– he’ll wrangle the m into line.”

“And we trust Malcator to get the others in line?”

“I trust Malcator to know the value of having his house in order,” Glissa flexed her wrists. Both her arms looked the same now, for the first time in a long time. Her sickle lacked practicality on this new front, and she suspected, would antagonize those she wished to bring into the fold.

“Malcator’s not the only loud voice in the Progress Engine.”

“Yes, but he is the most stubborn by leagues. Unctus doesn’t have the pull to displace him, and he knows it. Threx just wants to get back to his work. We’ll have the surgical bays on our side.”

Vorinclex growled, just low enough for Glissa to detect, at Threx’s name. The chrome butcher had been all too keen to get his own claws on Jin’s children.

“Optimistic,” Slobad said.

“It’s that or defeatist. I thought you believed in New Phyrexia.”

“I’ve got brains enough to know Phyrexia’s the only thing that can save any of us. Not so sure Phyrexia can be saved though.”

“What choice do we have but to try?”

“You’re right, Glissa. You know I know that’s right, huh?”

Glissa smiled. “I know. Go back, Slobad. I’ll find you both when I return.” She tapped her forehead against Vorinclex’s. “Go. Eat and grow. I need you strong again soon, and there’s nothing worth consuming up here.”

“No.” Vorinclex nudged back against her head. “Nothing but memories. Those won’t sustain you, either.”

“No, but I’ll linger here a little longer all the same.”

Vorinclex grunted, but turned trudged away.

“Stay close”

The little chrome creatures clustered near to his sides, running at a pitter-patter jog to keep up with his longer strides. In the spheres below, Vorinclex left the larvae to hunt and forage on their own, but around the surface, or the remains of the Basilica, he kept them nearby. Norn’s ruinous interference into the Swarm’s evolutionary aspirations had made him protective, arguably to the point of detriment, in the production of new predators.

Glissa grit her teeth. Vorinclex resented as much as she did the way Norn had wasted Lukka. A fine predator, and a grand addition to the swarm. So much potential for evolution, and Norn had thrown him away to die in a pointless exercise against a whole world of beasts. Of course even an apex predator would die if pitted against a whole world. Norn had done it just to spite them. So she would have an example to point to when she needed to set the other factions against the Grand Evolution. ‘See how this planewalker who chose the path of the swarm fared,’ she would have said. ‘See how their path pales besides the glory of the orthodoxy.’

Well Norn had gotten what she deserved in the end. All her plotting and bluster and now she was pieces and parts – porcelain rubble on who-knows-what world that would do no more conquering.

Glissa wondered if her pieces were on Zhalfir, rotting under the light of...

“Slobad?”

The goblin stopped short, and turned about to face her. He’d waited a few seconds longer than Vorinclex had, but was turning to leave when she called out. Vorinclex kept his pace, stalking away with a muted urgency.

“Yeah?”

“Who was Lyese?”

Slobad shifted. His unease was not phyrexian. Not really. But he was a greater help and reassurance than anything else on this plane, and Glissa would take that, even if it came with the unease of the flesh. Even if he cried at times, when he thought no-one was watching him .

It was rare to see a phyrexian cry, but the bodily structures that allowed the process were left in place for most compleated sapients who had the capacity originally. Jin-Gitaxias, during a long-ago convening of the praetors, had explained it thusly to Vorinclex, in his usual haughty way:

"We've found it sensible to allow this biological release for imperfect emotions that might otherwise build up to tear one of the compleat apart on a psychological level. While it might do us good to remove the capacity for such a buildup entirely, eventually, at present it is too much a liability to have a large portion of our population susceptible to."

"Not that you would concern yourselves with such complexities," He had added unnecessarily, as was his habit. "Working as you do with beasts."

“I’d tell you if I could, huh? Geth knew...but I don’t know if Vishgaz still has those memories. And besides...” Slobad grimaced. “Geth said they would break your heart. He was very happy about that, actually.”

“My heart is too strong for that.”

“Maybe.”

They stared at each other. Slobad. Vorinclex. Glissa would never let any harm come to these two. She had lost more than she could remember, but as long as she had them, she would persevere.

“Not today then,” She whispered, barely loud enough for Slobad to hear.

“Lyese is safe, though,” Slobad said. “At least...Geth told me she’d been sent away, and away from here must be some bit of safe, huh?

“Even after the invasion?” Glissa asked.

Slobad only lowered his head.

“Right. It is not in our nature to hope. Only to do.”

“We do what we can,” Slobad said. “Waste not, want not.”

Then he was off, following the prints Vorinclex had left in the sand. The onetime-praetor was gone already, disappeared into a hole at the base of a many-armed monument in the distance. Glissa turned away. She could tell by Slobad’s heavy, halting tread that he was stopping every few paces to glance back at her.

To make sure she was alright.

Alright was debatable, and beside the point. She was, at least, not without a pack. This was good. The scriptures, so far as she understood the interpretations of factions outside the Swarm, had little to say on the concept of being alone. The compleat were sufficient in all things, it was true, but outside the cowardly work of sleeper agents, it was pre-supposed in most texts that phyrexians worked among and besides phyrexians, and that in their inevitable spread across the multiverse, phyrexians would all be, always, among their peers.

All will be one.

It was good to not be alone. To have others. To have a pack.

A cluster of mites scuttled across the sands, some distance away. The creatures were slowly learning how to mold the sands of the facade into burrows and nests.

Glissa let out a slow breath.

I am not alone, but this new life is lonely, all the same.

She’d come out here in the past, after Norn had erected the facade. There had been something comforting about the suns. The artificial light of the Hunter’s Maze had been a great achievement for the Swarm, but it was not the same as the moons...as the suns...as that daughter and child and…

...and what?

At times Glissa even missed the blue and the red and the white suns. She had come up here to the surface before to ponder them too, on rarer occasions. And their names…

Bruenna? Bosh? Raksha?

These were not the goblin names for those suns either, but Glissa was less sure that they had ever been the names of the suns, though something in her crotus-enhanced brain connected them nonetheless.

A wave of nausea gripped Glissa, and she hugged herself closer, half by reflex to steady herself, and half consciously, copper claws pinching her arms.

These spells had come in waves, nigh-paralyzing lows that she couldn't control, punctuating the longer, more stable periods. Standing there on as solid a surface as the facade could offer, she felt as if the ground beneath her had given away entirely.

By the spheres, but I miss Lyese!

Glissa breathed, and spread her arms. Slowly, she flexed each hand, then her arms, then her shoulders. She was strong. She had her pack. All was not lost for her or for Phyrexia.

So why do I care so much about a sun?

Glissa brought her hands back to her side.

Why does its absence feel like part of myself is lost?

Oil ran freely from her eyes, streaming harder than ever.

Why my worry for the sun's safety, its health, its...happiness? Glissa hardly fretted as much over these things for her own comrades, the closest of her pack excepted.

A tremor hit Glissa’s knees. She would not fall. She would not kneel here. Still, she brought her hand to her mouth and gripped her jaw with talons of copper.

So why?

The flow of oil splashed down onto the white sands. Dark shapes formed in the pools and soaked into the grains.

Why do I miss Lyese?

"Lyese" is unofficial Fan Content permitted under the Fan Content Policy. Not approved/endorsed by Wizards. Portions of the materials used are property of Wizards of the Coast. ©Wizards of the Coast LLC.

#MtG #phyrexia #glissa #March of the machine aftermath #vorinclex #slobad

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