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inkskinned · 9 months

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because sometimes there are invisible tests and invisible rules and you're just supposed to ... know the rule. someone you thought of as a friend asks you for book recommendations, so you give her a list of like 30 books, each with a brief blurb and why you like it. later, you find out she screenshotted the list and send it out to a group chat with the note: what an absolute freak can you believe this. you saw the responses: emojis where people are rolling over laughing. too much and obsessive and actually kind of creepy in the comments. you thought you'd been doing the right thing. she'd asked, right? an invisible rule: this is what happens when you get too excited.

you aren't supposed to laugh at your own jokes, so you don't, but then you're too serious. you're not supposed to be too loud, but then people say you're too quiet. you aren't supposed to get passionate about things, but then you're shy, boring. you aren't supposed to talk too much, but then people are mad when you're not good at replying.

you fold yourself into a prettier paper crane. since you never know what is "selfish" and what is "charity," you give yourself over, fully. you'd rather be empty and over-generous - you'd rather eat your own boundaries than have even one person believe that you're mean. since you don't know what the thing is that will make them hate you, you simply scrub yourself clean of any form of roughness. if you are perfect and smiling and funny, they can love you. if you are always there for them and never admit what's happening and never mention your past and never make them uncomfortable - you can make up for it. you can earn it.

don't fuck up. they're all testing you, always. they're tolerating you. whatever secret club happened, over a summer somewhere - during some activity you didn't get to attend - everyone else just... figured it out. like they got some kind of award or examination that allowed them to know how-to-be-normal. how to fit. and for the rest of your life, you've been playing catch-up. you've been trying to prove that - haha! you get it! that the joke they're telling, the people they are, the manual they got- yeah, you've totally read it.

if you can just divide yourself in two - the lovable one, and the one that is you - you can do this. you can walk the line. they can laugh and accept you. if you are always-balanced, never burdensome, a delight to have in class, champagne and glittering and never gawky or florescent or god-forbid cringe: you can get away with it.

you stare at your therapist, whom you can make jokes with, and who laughs at your jokes, because you are so fucking good at people-pleasing. you smile at her, and she asks you how you're doing, and you automatically say i'm good, thanks, how are you? while the answer swims somewhere in your little lizard brain:

how long have you been doing this now? mastering the art of your body and mind like you're piloting a puppet. has it worked? what do you mean that all you feel is... just exhausted. pick yourself up, the tightrope has no net. after all, you're cheating, somehow, but nobody seems to know you actually flunked the test. it's working!

aren't you happy yet?

#almost wrote the champagne line as ''effervescent'' but legit could not write it without saying ''effervescent like a snail''#ah tumblr...#writeblr #warm up #idk . having trouble writing rn #ps i don't like to talk about it . it is my medical information. but before you ask. yes this is about being on the spectrum #i really don't like when ppl make my writing about how im [whatever ID]. i want it to ring true for the people who it rings true for #i don't want it to be like ''awwwww look at this person!!! she's the EXCEPTION!!! :)" .....#no.... not really.....#idk something gross happens whenever i admit to certain conditions and i turn into like inspiration p*rnography #like yes they actually let us use keyboards these days #furthermore i just... dont feel comfortable talking about this part of me. i had too bad of a childhood. adhd is one thing...#this one im like. still coming to terms with. which is like. my own journey.#idk. just please be kind. some things are more private than others. this one feels private to me.#i do not know how to help others w/this . and i do not know how to help myself. i will talk about it if im ever ready. idk if that will #actually ever happen #ty in advance i love u im kissing you we are kissing somewhere on the spectrum

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reputayswift · 8 months

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TO ALL THE BOYS I'VE LOVED BEFORE x ALL OF THE GIRLS YOU LOVED BEFORE

fake love out on the town crying in the bathroom for some dude whose name I cannot remember now secret jokes, all alone no one's home, sixteen & wild we're breaking up, making up leave without saying goodbye...

↳ happy birthday @declanwidow (insp) ✩⋆˙ ˖⁺‧₊˚

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judasisgayriot · 1 month

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I got nothing but dreams inside

#fobedit #pete wentz #fall out boy #fob #anni edits #champion #i just think pete looks so cute in the like 5 seconds he's in the vid lol. save me mania pete. i'm in love with you mania pete. unfortunate #inaugural gifs on my new replacement not-a-piece-of-sht laptop!! hooray #still just installed ps cs5 portable lol but it's sooo much faster and doesnt crash every 3 minutes yay

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daffi-990 · 1 month

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Seven(ish) Sentence Sunday ✍️

Tagged by @diazsdimples @giddyupbuck and @wikiangela. Thank you lovelies mwah 😘

Have a little something from LA Lonely -> this is after the fun and orgasms of Buck and Eddie’s hook up. Still don’t know if I’m going to go full spice 🌶️ or just do a quick little run down of things.

Prev snippet & mood board here

Buck expects him to start pulling his clothes on and to give him the whole “this was fun, but I gotta bounce” speel, but Eddie surprises him by climbing back into bed and nudging Buck to roll onto his side so Eddie can scoot up behind him and hold him.

Buck freezes for a moment because no one does this. They have their fun and then they leave. They don’t stay and they definitely don’t cuddle.

Eddie must feel him go tense because his hold loosens and he moves as if he’s about to pull away. “Is this okay?”

Buck grabs at the arms that are wrapped around him, stopping Eddie’s descent. “Y-yeah. It’s-it’s okay.” He pulls at Eddie’s arms and the man settles back behind him, burrowing his face into the juncture where Buck’s neck meets his shoulder as he shuffles closer.

Soft kisses are pressed into his skin and Buck is helpless but to relax back into Eddie, letting the comfort and warmth of whatever is happening wrap around him.

“Stay?” He whispers, not sure if Eddie can hear him but not being brave enough to say it any louder. He feels like he’s asking too much.

A kiss behind his ear. “Okay.”

No pressure tagging: @hippolotamus @puppyboybuckley @exhuastedpigeon @spotsandsocks @devirnis @wikiangela @hoodie-buck @honestlydarkprincess @homerforsure @monsterrae1 @missmagooglie @mellaithwen @nmcggg @lover-of-mine @ladydorian05 @loserdiaz @bekkachaos @wildlife4life @watchyourbuck @weewootruck @elvensorceress @eddiebabygirldiaz @evanbegins @rewritetheending @rainbow-nerdss @captain-hen @jeeyuns @jesuisici33 @glorious-spoon @fortheloveofbuddie @fiona-fififi @disasterbuckdiaz @thewolvesof1998 @try-set-me-on-fire @theotherbuckley @steadfastsaturnsrings @tizniz @athenagranted @alliaskisthepossibilityoflove @spagheddiediaz @sunshinediaz and as always, anyone else who wants to share something -> consider this your tag ☺️

#daffi writes #wip: la lonely #buddie wip #buddie #besides posting yesterday I’ve been a bit quiet with wip tag games.#There’s some heavy shit going on in part of my extended family which has emotionally sucker punched me and my husband #Creative energy is running on exhaust fumes which makes me sad cos I felt like I’d just gotten my rhythm back.#so when this idea hit me and some words flowed … I ran with it #I’m still tip tap tying away Rivals 🚒. It’s just going slower than I want #even this new wip is going slower than I want #but hey I can’t rush things and my brain is doing its best right now #*kisses brain gently*#I’m trying to look after me and I hope you’re trying to look after you as best you can which can look different day to day #you’re doing amazing and ily ❤️#okay I’ve finished my very long speel in the tags xx #ps. please keep tagging me in things .. I love supporting and cheering on my pocket pals 🥰

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noxious-fennec · 7 months

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It's pomegranate season :)

A redraw of this piece from around a year ago

#hello guys...(:#i started school back in mid September! its hell #and my chronic pain is rly bad these days i can barely do anything #and my next break will be spent at the hospital #but love and light at least we're trucjing along and getting somewhere hopefully #this drawing isn't exactly the most finished the most effortful what have you but its all i can guve you #confession time: idk if i have it in me to keep drawing the guys #dont get me wrong still adore them. but i feel a little out of it #maybe this'll change the second i post this but whatever.#i had an amazing time being active in the fandom you guys are so sweet and you got me thru rough patches <3 #I'll still be around just even more inactive #anyway i hope you enjoy this!!!#i feel like I've improves substantially which is good #cwilbur #dsmp fanart #my art #thx to everyone that's loved my art yall hold a special place in my heart #alright bye bye xoxo #ps esteemed mutuals and lovely audience never hesitate talking to me i am always around and i love ppl I'm just socially anxious #fennec.art

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brianskangs · 8 months

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"I'm always gonna be Forever gonna be I'll never leave summer" — let it be summer (Young K)

#day6 #young k #youngk #kang younghyun #mgroupsedit #this song is such a vibe omg #the lyrics and mv reflect youth so much i love it :')#thank you for serving us with yet another bop sir!!!!!!#i dont necessarily like how this gifset turned out because im still trying to figure out ps for mac :/#*

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notsoattractivearenti · 8 months

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il mio bellissimo marito 🥹❤️

give credits if you repost my gifs 😊

#christian pulisic #i’m still learning italian so feel free to correct my caption lol #usmnt chris is what i’m living for #look at the sun shining on him… it knows. ✨#have i told you how much i love his side profile???#AND THAT PERFECT STUBBLE #tho i’m 100% sure he’s gonna shave before the game tomorrow #i had burned his razors yet he’s still managed to find one 😩#ps: pls pls pls give me credits if you repost EVEN if you’re reposting on twitter/X!#usmnt #annie’s gifs

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kindacts · 1 year

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rebecca + pink in season 3 (so far)

#rebecca welton #ted lasso #tedlassoedit #tedlassogif #tedbecca #lowkey #this is very important to me for many reasons #but yall these gifs took me literally hours and they still are grainy as fuck i'm actually mad #gif 4 sis i tried so hard and you gave me nothing #does anyone know why the closeups work so much better in PS because i would love to understand it. cuz it's annoying. thank you #mine #tv

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xdhz · 3 months

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coloring before & after !!

thank you @irlvernon @jeonwon-wonwoo @arwensundomiels & @hwichanis for tagging me to do this!! <3 i usually don't look back at my psds too often so this was a fun change of pace :)

i'll tag @shorelinnes @bandzboy @chanrizard @jeonsupershy @seonghwasblr @xiaojuun @yeonbins @lee-minhoe & @choiliner if you guys wanna participate & haven't done so already !!

#i don't really save any gifs except for my skz ones (& honestly even those are mostly just jisung so im very surprised that its not just him #2 kids show you were sooo easy to color and i love u for that. the og lighting still sucked ass though #i think what i've learned is that only my han gifs come out good every time tbh the rest........ its just me and god fighting in ps #coloring*

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riddles-n-games · 5 months

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Ok, listen guys, I know that there's this one guy that appears in almost all the realistic imaginings of Xander Hawthorne (btw, sorry that I dropped off the face of the Earth), but has anyone of you ever considered this guy?

Ladies, may I present to you, Jordan Fisher, otherwise perhaps more familiar to you as John Ambrose McClaren from the sequel in the To All The Boys I've Loved Before trilogy. Now, he's more grown up here, but he also starred in Liv and Maddie when he was a teen and I feel like other than the height being a potential issue, add a little more pudge to his face and some more curls, and voila: à la Xander Blackwood Hawthorne!

I mean, just look at him! Isn't he cute? Isn't he gorgeous? The perfect dimples and look of mischief that EXACTLY fits our one and only beloved Xander.

#xander blackwood hawthorne #xander hawthorne #john ambrose mcclaren #holden dippledorf #jordan fisher #isn't he perfect?#just look at him #look at his face #look at his smile #the inheritance games #tig #to all the boys i've loved before #ps i still love you #tatbilb #psisly #liv and maddie

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maya-yaya · 6 days

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WOW

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inkskinned · 10 months

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at some point it's just like. do they even fucking like the thing they're asking AI to make? "oh we'll just use AI for all the scripts" "we'll just use AI for art" "no worries AI can write this book" "oh, AI could easily design this"

like... it's so clear they've never stood in the middle of an art museum and felt like crying, looking at a piece that somehow cuts into your marrow even though the artist and you are separated by space and time. they've never looked at a poem - once, twice, three times - just because the words feel like a fired gun, something too-close, clanging behind your eyes. they've never gotten to the end of the movie and had to arrive, blinking, back into their body, laughing a little because they were holding their breath without realizing.

"oh AI can mimic style" "AI can mimic emotion" "AI can mimic you and your job is almost gone, kid."

... how do i explain to you - you can make AI that does a perfect job of imitating me. you could disseminate it through the entire world and make so much money, using my works and my ideas and my everything.

and i'd still keep writing.

i don't know there's a word for it. in high school, we become aware that the way we feel about our artform is a cliche - it's like breathing. over and over, artists all feel the same thing. "i write because i need to" and "my music is how i speak" and "i make art because it's either that or i stop existing." it is such a common experience, the violence and immediacy we mean behind it is like breathing to me - comes out like a useless understatement. it's a cliche because we all feel it, not because the experience isn't actually persistent. so many of us have this ... fluttering urgency behind our ribs.

i'm not doing it for the money. for a star on the ground in some city i've never visited. i am doing it because when i was seven i started taking notebooks with me on walks. i am doing it because in second grade i wrote a poem and stood up in front of my whole class to read it out while i shook with nerves. i am doing it because i spent high school scribbling all my feelings down. i am doing it for the 16 year old me and the 18 year old me and the today-me, how we can never put the pen down. you can take me down to a subatomic layer, eviscerate me - and never find the source of it; it is of me. when i was 19 i named this blog inkskinned because i was dramatic and lonely and it felt like the only thing that was actually permanently-true about me was that this is what is inside of me, that the words come up over everything, coat everything, bloom their little twilight arias into every nook and corner and alley

"we're gonna replace you". that is okay. you think that i am writing to fill a space. that someone said JOB OPENING: Writer Needed, and i wrote to answer. you think one raindrop replaces another, and i think they're both just falling. you think art has a place, that is simply arrives on walls when it is needed, that is only ever on demand, perfect, easily requested. you see "audience spending" and "marketability" and "multi-line merch opportunity"

and i see a kid drowning. i am writing to make her a boat. i am writing because what used to be a river raft has long become a fully-rigged ship. i am writing because you can fucking rip this out of my cold dead clammy hands and i will still come back as a ghost and i will still be penning poems about it.

it isn't even love. the word we use the most i think is "passion". devotion, obsession, necessity. my favorite little fact about the magic of artists - "abracadabra" means i create as i speak. we make because it sluices out of us. because we look down and our hands are somehow already busy. because it was the first thing we knew and it is our backbone and heartbreak and everything. because we have given up well-paying jobs and a "real life" and the approval of our parents. we create because - the cliche again. it's like breathing. we create because we must.

you create because you're greedy.

#every time someones like ''AI will replace u" im like. u will have to fucking KILL ME #there is no replacement here bc i am not filling a position. i am just writing #and the writing is what i need to be doing #writeblr #this probably doesn't make sense bc its sooo frustrating i rarely speak it the way i want to #edited for the typo wrote it and then was late to a meeting lol #i love u people who mention my typos genuinely bc i don't always catch them!!!! :) it is doing me a genuine favor!!!#my friend says i should tell you ''thank you beta editors'' but i don't know what that means #i made her promise it isn't a wolf fanfiction thing. so if it IS a wolf thing she is DEAD to me (just kidding i love her)#hey PS PS PS ??? if ur reading this thinking what it's saying is ''i am financially capable of losing this'' ur reading it wrong #i write for free. i always have. i have worked 5-7 jobs at once to make ends meet.#i did not grow up with access or money. i did not grow up with connections or like some kind of excuse #i grew up and worked my fucking ASS OFF. and i STILL!!! wrote!!! on the side!!! because i didn't know how not to!!!#i do not write for money!!!! i write because i fuckken NEED TO #i could be in the fucking desert i could be in the fuckken tundra i could be in total darkness #and i would still be writing pretentious angsty poetry about it #im not in any way saying it's a good thing. i'm not in any way implying that they're NOT tryna kill us #i'm saying. you could take away our jobs and we could go hungry and we could suffer #and from that suffering (if i know us) we'd still fuckin make art.#i would LOVE to be able to make money doing this! i never have been able to. but i don't NEED to. i will find a way to make my life work #even if it means being miserable #but i will not give up this thing. for the whole world.

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divinemanicstate · 1 year

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more of my recom au

ft miles not knowing how to woo and just grabbing some flowers

#soooo basically for those of you who are curious - jake comes in later and not during the events of avatar 1 #neytiri still kills quaritch since shes actively defending her home in this au so theres a lot of back and forth between the skypeople/navi #jake is kind of a part of the blue squad but still has his human body #ps i do love neytiri and jake together!! this is just me coming up with a gay little thing for myself i hope people enjoy it :)#miles quaritch #jake sully #avatar way of water #avatar fanart #avatar

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dylanconrique · 3 days

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heartbreaking thought... but what if lucy gives tim back the necklace he gave her????? 😔💔

#*carly catalogs #WHAT IF THEY PARALLELED COVINSKY BREAKUP IN PS I STILL LOVE YOU????????#(they won't)#BUT COULD YOU IMAGINE #I'D LEAVE THE COUNTRY #it's probs just gonna be tucked away for safe keeping in like a drawer or something for now #still gonna miss her flaunting it around now #god i am waaayy too high to be thinking about this rn #i think i just broke myself oop lol #the rookie #tim bradford #lucy chen #chenford #otp: you know me so well

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zhongrin · 3 months

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cw/tw. gif(s), child neglect, depiction of starvation & frostbite, suicidal thoughts

꧁

𝐆𝐥𝐚𝐜𝐢𝐞𝐬 𝐀𝐫𝐝𝐞𝐚𝐭 𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫: 𝐀𝐜𝐭 𝐈𝐈

Candour of Light and Shadows

Quest Started

I still think

Some people were born a shadow.

"ーHappy birthday, sweetheart!"

"Thanks, mama!"

"May Lady Tsaritsa bless my little snowflake so he grows up big and healthy... And may She protect you from all dangers and surround you with love and happiness!"

"..... Mama, what about-"

"Hold on, darling."

Every year, instead of burning candles, I burn the memories of you.

Every year, instead of huddling in front of a warm fireplace, I relive the memories of the icy grave you call home.

Every year....

I wonder.

Why didn't you just di̴̖̊ë̷̻͙́̒̿̆ that day?

Why did the gods pity you when your own blood couldn't care less?

Why you? Why me? Why us?

I dare not defy the fate bestowed upon me. This is the role we were bestowed with. The second option. The second best. The supporting role.

The shadow.

....

But maybe....

........

Just... maybe.

.............

Maybe all this time, I've been tricking myself, thinking I was undeserving. Of the spotlight. Of the warm fireplace. Of..... a home.

“....”

“Wha....?”

“Happy birthday, Cov!!”

“My my, did we catch you off-guard so much you were about to unsheathe your sword?”

“Ah... I'm..... sorry.......”

“It's fine, it's fine. More importantly, do you like chocolate cakes? I had no idea what kind of cake you'd like but since you love hot chocolate and cookies, I thought you'd like themー”

“......”

“Cov?”

“...........”