#real life doesn't end?

[cloudycleric]

do you ever read a story so beautiful & impactful that your brain cannot comprehend the fact that it's ended.

#just #wydm its over #thats it? #thats the end? #but #real life doesn't end? #so why does this have to end? #there's no more? #literature #yes this is about #death of a salesman #also #the goldfinch #& this will be me after #stranger things #5 #is released

[flowercrowngods]

something so monstrous pt.2

(in which kas feeds from steve and triggers a bad migraine pt.2)

🤍🌷 read part 1 here this part gets really intense on the migraine. descriptions of immense pain, fever dreams, and vomiting, some body horror imagery bc pain can be fun like that

Time and space lose all meaning as Steve remains on the precipice of something that is too violent to be called sleep, but not harsh enough yet to be unconsciousness. Real sensations evade him as everything turns into pain immediately. Even the twitch of his finger becomes a thundering blaze of blinding pain shooting through his body and settling behind his eye until he is sure he will wake up blind. 

The fear of that is everpresent, the blind spots too real to ignore every time it goes like this, and he imagines how they will grow. He imagines how they get worse every time until one day the pain inside his skull will be so immense it will take his eyesight in exchange for alleviation.

And even though it is unbearable, he opens his eyes whenever he can, just to make sure he can see still. It’s an added veil of terror that covers him whole and consumes him slowly but continually. 

At some point he notices something cold and wet being placed over his eyes, adding another layer of darkness that is welcome, even if it leaves an imprint of pressure and sensation on his forehead that makes his skin tear around it, his skull cracking and caving in beneath the touch. 

And still it helps a little, pulling him further toward consciousness but not further toward the pain itself. But Steve can only whimper weakly in response, six feet under a thick cloud of cotton-filled smog that even turns breathing into a chore, polluting his lungs with fear and horror and agony without compare.

He does fall into a fitful sleep at some point, grateful for the short reprieve, but it does nothing to alleviate his exhaustion. 

It feels like his eyeballs are being pushed into his skull for what must be hours upon hours, and the pain is so unbearable, so horrible, that he's not at all surprised when nausea rises in his chest, his body responding to its current state with confusion and a hard-reset. 

Steve keens, trying to roll onto his side, groaning at the flares of pain shooting up into his skull and down into his limbs. They only worsen the nausea and it's pure instinct that gives him the strength to sit up. 

"Kas?” he whispers, swallowing thickly against another wave. "Bathroom?” 

Instead of giving him directions or pulling him up to drag him there, Kas wastes no time. He gets up off the floor, approaching him with shuffling steps once more, and gently but quickly lifts Steve off the bed in a hold — firm, yet gentle — that brings another sting of tears to Steve's eyes. Pain and vulnerability and the need for everything to be over. That’s what makes him cry.

Still he manages to hold on, his head rolling onto Kas's shoulder, the skin of his neck blissfully cool against Steve’s overheated forehead pressing into him. 

Make it stop, he thinks. Longs. Aches. It’s supposed to be over. It’s all supposed to be over now. 

He whimpers again, and imagines that Kas is the one to softly shush him this time.

The coolness of Kas's neck is gone all too soon as the vampire sets Steve on the hard, uncomfortable bathroom floor. He doesn't go far, though, crouching down beside him and holding him up over the toilet. Steve can't see anything, but still he’s grateful that Kas left the lights off, the bathroom tinged in the same darkness as his bedroom. 

Pathetically, Steve rests his forehead on the toilet seat, chasing the coldness of it as pain and nausea reach their peak. It’s disgusting, but be’s not strong enough to care. A whine breaks from him, and he wishes Kas would leave. Even though the cold hand on his neck feels good, and even though he knows he wouldn't be able to hold himself up right now. 

I'm not weak, he wants to say. And maybe he does. But he can't recognise his own voice right now. 

"Not weak, maybe, but pathetic." 

No. 

"You know you are." 

Shut up. Go away. 

It doesn't make sense for Mr Munson to suddenly be here with them, to stand in the doorway and watch his nephew, who is more monster than human these days, holding up the pathetic form of Steve, who is more pain than human. More smoke than human. More vulnerable weakness than remotely human.

Go away. Eddie? I want him to go away. Tell— Go ‘way. 

The hand wanders, pulling Steve against cool skin again so his forehead rests against the toilet no longer, basking in the cold touch and the warmth of a body to hold him. 

"Safe," Kas says, and Steve wants to badly to believe him. Wants Wayne to leave, wants everyone to leave and just let him suffer in silence and solitude like always. 

Wayne starts talking again, but Steve can't hear him this time as he suddenly heaves and retches, throwing up what little he had to eat today. Over and over and over.

It goes like this for a long time. He has no idea how long. Has no idea where he even is anymore. 

The world tilts a few times when he loses his grip, his arms buckling, his hands spasming and giving out, and still he never falls. Only ever feels the cold, damp skin of Kas’s neck. 

Kas has to carry him to bed when he's done and on the brink of passing out again, and Steve doesn’t mind this time. Kas also hands him a glass of water or two before pushing him back to lie down again. That’s nice. 

The wet cloth returns, and Steve isn't aware of his surroundings for much more after that.

—— 

The next time Steve comes to, he feels like he was freshly dragged through Lover’s Lake until his lungs gave out. His head is pulsing violently, his senses are sluggish and everything feels foggy. He has no idea where he is, the room pitch black around him as he lifts a lukewarm damp cloth from his eyes. 

A soft groan falls from his lips as he stretches his aching, cramped limbs, rubbing his hands over his face and regaining the feeling in his body. Little pinpricks of phantom pain shoot through him, his mouth tastes like ash and his head protests rather violently against his pathetic attempt at sitting up. 

He is disoriented and something about his vision is still messed up, something in the depths of the room not quite right and leaving him with a dizziness he can’t quite shake, followed by a wave of anxiety that something’s wrong with his eyes. 

He blinks. Blinks again, finding more things in the strange room as he does, his sluggish brain slowly catching up and filling in the blanks.

It all comes back to him like a tidal wave when he suddenly finds himself blinking at a pair of red eyes, softly glowing and wide open. 

“Kas,” he croaks, his throat absolutely parched. 

One second he’s wincing at that, the next he finds a cool glass of water pressed into his hands before the eyes and the shadowy form they belong to retreat to the foot of the bed again. 

 “Thanks,” he murmurs, stalling as he takes a sip. Embarrassment rises in him, but he doesn’t want to apologise. The thought of that somehow makes the vulnerability that much worse, so he tries to ignore it. It’ll all be fine if they simply not acknowledge it. 

He wants to ask for the time instead, wants to know how much the migraine took from him this time, but he knows Kas doesn’t really understand the concept of it all, let alone know the numbers. 

A silence settles between them and it’s somewhere between welcome and uncomfortable. Just like everything that happens in Hawkins. It makes Steve feel like a ghost again, but this time he’s a ghost in the room, not just in his own head. He’s the one who’s out of place.

With a little sigh, he places the glass on the makeshift nightstand again and falls over onto his side. His head is mad at him for it, still feeling too fragile for sudden movements, but lying down feels better than sitting.

There’s a huff from Kas that sounds more amused than derisive, so Steve looks at him. Looks at the shimmer in those eyes before closing his own again, not wanting to be looked at right now. Not wanting to face it.

“You,” Kas says then, his voice quiet and without the edge of that animalistic growl. The sound of someone who’s not meant to speak at all. The souvenir of someone who was human once before Evil grabbed him and modified him to His liking. 

“Me,” Steve says, an automatic response, just as quiet. He’s listening. 

“How… How are…” Kas struggles, huffing in frustration at the words that refuse to come, but still it’s the most coherent Steve has ever heard him. It makes him sit up half way again; leaning his weight on one arm to focus all his foggy and cloudy attention on the vampire trying to ask him how he is feeling. 

No more words come, though, the question half finished in the air between them. But somehow it makes Steve smile. Just a little bit. This feels important. And huge.

“My head hurts,” he answers truthfully, amused when Kas’s eyes snap back to his. To search them. To communicate something.

“Hurts?” 

“Yeah. It will, for a while. Always does. Nothing to do about it, really.” He wishes he felt as indifferent to it as he sounds, but that’s just the tiredness clouding his tone. It’s fast approaching now that he knows he’s relatively safe. Now that he knows he can rest. His arm gives out and he slides, slowly this time, back to lie on the pillow. “But it’s not as bad. And the other pain is gone, so…” 

So. He could go home now. He should, probably. Ignoring the weakness in his bones and the exhaustion in his every fiber. If he closed his eyes again right now, he could fall asleep. Still, maybe he should—

“Stay,” Kas says again, and Steve really should have figured. He’s not quite well enough to really fight him on that, though, so he shrugs. 

“Fine,” he mumbles into the pillow, halfway back to slumberland already. 

There’s movement on the foot of the bed, and before he knows it Kas has tucked him in again, draped across the pillows as he is. It’s still unreal, that, but Steve won’t complain. What’s even more unreal, though, is the image Steve gets of Kas curling up by the foot of the bed in a similar position. As if he still means to keep watch. 

It’s ridiculous. A little weird. And sort of endearing.

——

The next time Steve wakes, everything around him is a little brighter, daylight fighting weakly to fill the room, but it stands no chance against the large wooden planks and thick curtains meant to block it out permanently. 

He blinks away the heaviness, taking stock of his body. There is a crick in his neck and burgeoning cramps in his side and hip from the position he’s still in, and this head still is a pulsing, aching mess — but no more than usual. 

He taps the pads of his fingers to his thumb before flexing his hands. Only then does he stretch the rest of his body and announce his wakefulness. 

Opposite him, at the foot of the bed, Kas is already awake and still in the same position that Steve saw him last. Did he even sleep? Does he need that? Or has he just been staring at Steve, watching him, ready to carry him to the bathroom again for round two. 

The thought of that makes his skin crawl.

“Hi,” he says to fill the silence that is all too inviting for his spiralling mind.

Kas grunts, but it sounds more like a hum. Sort of gentle around the edges. He doesn’t move, doesn’t seem at all fazed that they’re just kind of staring at each other. Steve swallows, not really sure how to go from here.

He fists the blanket and rubs the linen bedding between his fingers, feels the rough fabric catching on the callouses along his hands as uncomfortable seconds tick by. Still Kas doesn’t move. 

“Listen, man,” Steve says at last, thinking back to yesterday’s events and the vampire’s sudden care. “Thanks, alright? What you did, that was, uh. That was nice. You didn’t have to do any of that.” 

Another hum, and it occurs to Steve that Kas is back in his normal state, retreated back into his mind, hiding from the world himself now that it no longer needs him. It’s a strange thought, that Steve being hurt would be what brings him back. If at all. Maybe he’s reading it all wrong. Maybe it as just a coincidence, or maybe Kas tasted something in his blood that made him want to improve Steve’s physical state for selfish purposes. That’s probably more likely.

But it makes him feel even more wrong-footed than before, and it leaves him hyper-aware of the situation. Of their dynamic. Indifference and annoyance and… He doesn’t want it to change, doesn’t want some kind of debt between himself and Kas — especially not when Kas has no means to really settle it. But he also can’t feign some kind of gratitude when what he feels the most is mortification and embarrassment; and he sure as hell doesn’t want Kas to know that either. 

So he throws back the blanket and gets out of the bed, a little dizzy at first, but he doesn’t care as he slips into his shoes and hurries out of the room. 

He just wants to leave. Get out of here and go home, go back to bed and get over the mortification of having been seen like this. Of having been taken care of. By someone who doesn’t even like him. By someone who hissed and snapped at him one moment and then carried him to the bathroom the next. 

“It looks like there’s nothing human left in him, but we do have data that suggest otherwise.” Owens’s words echo through his mind as he crosses the living room. “It seems to be in hiding, the Munson part of him; that’s our hope at least. That you can get him back out one day, make him win over the vampire part. It could be like a self defence mechanism, I guess. We hope he can still be coaxed back into the land of the living. How, though, we don’t know.”

Was this what happened? Has Steve’s weakness triggered the human part of Kas’s tortured brain to take over? No, that can’t be. 

It seems unreal. Unlikely. Wayne telling him stories or Dustin talking about their campaign, that should have helped. Even Mike playing the guitar, or Robin rambling about something or other; all of that was much more close to who Munson was. Or used to be. Eddie Munson never struck Steve as someone who took care of people naturally. Someone who stepped in. He stepped up, sure, but only ever for the wrong reasons. 

It makes no sense. So it must be wrong; just Steve’s exhausted brain grasping at straws. It usually does that, anyway. Nobody knows if Eddie is even still in there. Part of Steve hopes he’s not. 

Just as he reaches for the front door, ready to just get out of here and pretend like nothing happened, he feels a presence behind him. Kas followed him out of the bedroom, standing in the doorway now with an unreadable expression. It's the blank one he usually takes on, but where before it was normal, it throws Steve off now. Maybe because he saw how Kas can look at him. How expressive his eyes can get.

He holds them, the red shimmer a little dimmer out here in the brighter living room. 

And maybe it's the blankness in those eyes, or the lack of judgment in Kas's every action, but whatever it is, it makes Steve let go of the door and turn to face Kas properly. 

"Why'd you do it?"

The vampire inclines his head. Listening. Always listening. Steve doesn't know how he never noticed that. It seemed so primitive before. Like how a dog will react to its owner speaking, but never process the words. Kas processes, though. So Steve keeps going.

"Why'd you... You kept saying that word. Safe. Do you, uh. Do you know what it means?" 

Slowly, his eyes growing a little less blank, Kas nods. 

Steve looks around the cabin, swallowing thickly, still feeling so out of place in here, still feeling the need to run and leave it far behind. But something makes him stay. Makes him want to understand. 

"You wanted me to feel safe?" Again, Kas nods. "Why?" 

There is hesitation there, and Steve wonders if it's because he doesn't want to tell him, if he doesn't know the answer, or if he doesn't know how to answer. It's a loaded question, maybe. 

"Pain," he says at last, his voice barely discernible from a growl, but somehow Steve seems attuned to it now. Maybe because he listens now. Because he wants to know. To understand. 

He waits, watching as Kas struggles for more words once more. Just like last night. 

"Know... Know... pain. Know.” He taps his temple with a clawed hand, and Steve's heart falls, his chest aching with realisation. 

Right. He would. He would know pain like that. If what the doc says is right, if what Vecna taunted them with is right, if every working theory the kids have is right, then… yeah. Kas would know. He’s know something about pain. More than any of them. Pain so intense it splits you apart from yourself. 

"Shit," Steve whispers more to himself than to the room, crossing his arms in front of his chest to hug himself and keep from digging deeper, keep his heart from falling further, and keep the horror at bay. 

He doesn't want to imagine the kind of torture Kas went through. Is still going through, if what the doctors say has even more truth to it. If Munson is still in there, still suffering because human minds have a way of holding on to pain — Steve knows soemthing about that, too. 

"I'm sorry," he offers. It's all he can offer. In the end, it’s all that’s left.

And still it's so lame. It's not enough. 

But Kas just nods again, a pained shadow of a smile appearing on his face. Something transpires between them in that moment, Steve can feel it, but he can't really define it. Maybe some kind of understanding. Some kind of safety. 

"I gotta..." he starts, motioning to the door behind him. "I gotta go. Will you be fine? Did you have enough, y'know, to drink?" 

Another nod, and the smile widens a little. Looks a little less pained this time. 

"Good," Steve says, stuffing his hands into his pockets, lifting his shoulders to his ears, trying and failing to seem casual in the face of those glowing eyes. "I’ll– I'll see you around, yeah?" 

And then he's out the door, his head spinning and aching, his steps heavy with the weight of whatever has changed between him and Kas in the past twenty-four hours. 

... sooo. part 3 anyone?

🤍 permanent tag list gang: @skiddit @inklessletter @aringofsalt @hellion-child @stobin-cryptid @hotluncheddie @gutterflower77 @auroraplume @steddieonbigboy @n0-1-important @stevesjockstrap @brainvines @puppy-steve @izzy2210 @itsall-taken @mangoinacan13 @madigoround @pukner @i-amthepizzaman @swimmingbirdrunningrock @hammity-hammer @stevesbipanic @bitchysunflower @estrellami-1 @finntheehumaneater @goodolefashionedloverboi (lmk if you want on or off, for this story or permanently) 🤍 tagging for this work only: @forestnymph-666 @little-trash-ghost @jupitersgonemissing

#steddie #steddie fic #steve harrington #eddie munson #steve x eddie #kas eddie munson #kas takes care of steve fic #this part is downright short for me lmao #dio words #something so monstrous #i have a lot of things to say about pain and monstrosity but instead i just juxtapose them with an actual monster #and then bend the understanding of humanity around that instead #if the tag list doesn't work pls lmk some of these tags be looking wonky on mobile #the end of this is super rushed but 1) steve is still disoriented n weak 2) the mortifying ordeal of having been taken care of must be fled #3) too many thoughts too many realisations and things rearranging overwritten by the need to leave #so pls know it’s intentional and real life is abrasive like that sometimes hdhdh

[spriteofmushrooms]

The interesting thing about Jiang Cheng is that he refuses to be his mother's golden child to Wei Wuxian's scapegoat; he actively chooses Wei Wuxian again and again. He defends Wei Wuxian from her until she dies. It's unusual.

This doesn't mean that Wei Wuxian's experience was any less fraught--being hated by a caretaker is awful even if everyone else loves you. But it was an interesting choice by MXTX.

#pallas.rtf #mdzs #this is perhaps because i spent a lot of time on various subreddits #but either golden children don't protect their siblings or the golden children who protect their siblings don't end up posting on reddit #because i've never encountered a clear golden child and scapegoat dynamic like jc & wwx's in real life or in fiction #i suppose that's wuthering heights again--cathy defends heathcliff (until she learns how to be a proper lady) #but i don't know. it's interesting to see jc step in for wwx directly in the novel and then contrast that to wwx comforting jc after jfm #doesn't praise jc for helping to save wwx #i often wonder if wwx was as resentful in the moment or if--like all memories--wwx reframed that interaction after the golden core transfer #the way he talks about jc like he's sooo delicate and breakable that obviously wwx has to comfort him is v. reminiscent of how he acts like #jc almost directly forced wwx to do this mad impossible thing because jc was sad and breaking #if jc read mdzs he'd probably curl up in a miserable little ball #but yeah like... memories are shaped so much by what we think and feel now #all memory is imagination... and wwx was a tormented ghost for 13 years because no one offered him anything #so what would that do to you? #i'm off topic

[doverstar]

actually I love Tentoo and he is the Doctor and it was the only ending for Rose that worked and it is a huge gift to be able to have the man she loves grow old with her, they were always heading for that, y'all be quiet. I 100% understand the angst but it's okay, they're okay, good ending-

#did you want her to...not end up with the doctor? #she ended up with the doctor. she ended up with the doctor and they get to AGE together #they get to have a real honest relationship the way they both always genuinely wanted #it's hard that the full time lord version has to carry on without her but that is the way that character's story ALWAYS goes #the doctor does not get to keep ANYONE. it would be a different show if he did #meanwhile there is a version of that same face of his - the one that was MADE for love? particularly born out of love for ROSE? the one 1/2 #2/2 that always wanted a FAMILY? and stability? and a normal life? the tenth doctor longed for that specifically because of rose #now he gets to have it AND be part-human so he doesn't have to watch her get old. he gets old WITH HER #and they're canonically growing their own Tardis so you don't even have to be sad that they're not adventuring in time and space as usual #because they ARE. it's the kindest ending for either character. and if the full time lord hadn't left without either of them- #-he would have had to lose them eventually. lose Rose because she's human? hello? painful? but instead he was selfless and left her- #-with a proper happy ending. which she CHOSE to have so you can't be like “he tricked her!” she chose to kiss one of them and it was Tentoo #they are the same man. Rose won in this scenario. #and I GET IT I am with Billie Piper I think it will always feel a little off that she was left with Tentoo and not the full time lord #I understand. it still makes me a little sad. but I know it's a good ending writing-wise. really the ONLY ending. #yes I know about the popular idea of Immortal!Rose or Bad Wolf Rose or whatever and that's cute and all BUT - it's not a GOOD thing #it's not PREFERABLE to be immortal. Rose doesn't want to live forever. she wants to be with the man she LOVES forever. #she doesn't want to not die or adventure for all time. she wants to be there to hold his hand. and when Tentoo is born she gets THAT! #Immortal!Rose is tragic. the Doctor would not wish the burden of immortality on the woman he loves HELLO #anyway #I ship timepetals. that includes Tentoo/Rose. because he is the doctor #so there #I have more thoughts on Tentoo specifically but I digress #maybe if provoked in an Ask or something idk #doctorrose #timepetals #opinion piece #tenrose #tentoo #handy

[blujayonthewing]

#I've played with irl atheists and catholics and everything in between #but it rarely feels like faith is a real factor for anyone-- DM or player #outside of‚ again‚ divine spellcasters and Big Epic Plot Things #I mean there are a couple of 'RAAAHGH FUCK THE GODS >:C' edgy backstory types but #no one is just Normally Culturally Religious and it's WEIRD #like it's not even a matter of faith in dnd! the gods are LITERALLY OBJECTIVELY PROVABLY REAL #so what does that MEAN for the average person! how does it shape language? business? culture? #where are the people wearing holy symbols like amulets-- or the way modern christians very casually wear crosses? #blessings over meals? prayers before bed? burnt offerings? #and like I enjoy thinking about world and culture building but I know that's A Whole Thing but even just like... #it doesn't feel like anyone believes in gods at all except clerics and paladins #like they DO because they factually exist but in the same way I 'believe in' like. the president of france. #like yeah he exists and is important to some people but has no bearing on my life whatsoever #that's such a fucking weird approach to the DIVINE in a polytheist world where those gods are YOUR CULTURE'S GODS?? #I am bad at this myself but I'm not religious so it's harder for me to remember what Being Religious All The Time Casually is like lol #funny enough my character with the most intentionally religious background in this sense #is one of my ones who's ended up wrapped up in Big Plot God Things lmao #'aubree starts the campaign with a holy symbol of yondalla because of course she does why wouldn't she' #'oh okay well she's gonna get deeply and personally entangled with a bunch of death gods immediately' fdkjghkdf oh!! welp #you don't really pray to urogalan unless you're breaking ground for a new building or someone just died so it's STILL weird for her lol #but at least I had the framework there of 'oh yeah the gods exist and matter to me and my everyday life and culture' in general #about me #posts from twitter

[coquelicoq]

when you're the only person who keeps living through the time loop, the people around you cease to be people and become mere characters. your treatment of them doesn't matter because they're not real and they won't remember. the only way to give anything meaning is to end the loop; their actions don't affect the loop and therefore are meaningless. you're the only one who has the ability to change the future, so anything you do in service of that goal is justified.

but. kim dojka looks at yoo joonghyuk and says no, actually, these characters are people. whether they remember or not is beside the point because they are real right now. and you don't give your life meaning by achieving some accomplishment that retroactively makes everything that came before worth it - you give your life meaning in the living of it.

#'meaning' isn't a reward you get for clearing a scenario...it's something you actively create every day as you make a life #kim dokja: it's WORTH IT! i know it's worth it because we are making it worth it!!!!! #ohhhhh waoaohhohh getting a transmission to my brain...suddenly feeling the urge to rewatch palm springs (2020) #time loop fiction is sooo fucking potent like ok you can read about this person who alone out of everyone has agency #thereby alienating them from all their fellow creatures...but watch out #orv #time travel #agency #existentialism #kdj #yjh #omniscient reader's viewpoint #my posts #f #also the fact that it's kim dokja - the 'reader' - who's creating meaning...sorry excuse me. there is something in my eye. #and this is coming from the guy who is very much committed to reaching the end of the scenarios! that is very much his goal #and what he's working toward. but the meantime is not something to get through. it's life and he's choosing to live it #he's like maybe this is fiction maybe we're all characters but it doesn't matter because the story is real to the people living it #his whole thing is that he refuses the idea that the story is unchangeable. he refuses the lack of agency #he's like well i will just make my own story. i will make my own meaning #and if there's some author out there that i'm the character of well good luck keeping up with me. mwah

[dolokhoded]

my one season 4 complaint is Where The Fuck Was Aneesa

#never have i ever #i really wish her and fabiola had stayed together them not working out didn't rlly serve any purpose to the plot for the new season #fabiola's new relationship was barely rlaborated upon. as expected. #and aneesa was basically written out she was barely even part of the group #plus that scene of them at the staircase talking about fab's robotics team. they still have so much chemistry and they were literally just #talking about robotics #i understand she's not a major character and she can't have a separate plotline to herself but she wasn't even involved in anyone else's #her and fabiola were cute together and she would've at least been part of the plot if they were still dating #allison was barely a character what was the point of writing some random new partner for fabiola when she already had a perfectly good #love interest #it just doesn't make sense to me. whi decided it would be a good idea for them to break up #was it just an opportunity to shove in a nonbinary character who had no personality and was just there as someone's s/o and call it #representation #cause there are Many better ways to have nonbinary rep than this #but ofc mindy kaling wouldn't give a shit about this. #n e ways for this support my nonbinary aneesa hc . it's real. #fabiola torres #aneesa qureshi #OR AT THE VERY LEAST SHE SHOULD'VE GOTTEN WITH PAXTON. SHE HAD THAT NICE HOT JOCK LINE AT THE END OF SEASON 3 #im fabneesa 4 life but i would honestly be haply with her dating paxton. they're both cool and they'd be fun together. and she deserves a #nice hot jock boyfriend.

[another-goblin]

Why Ratio isn't in Genius Society - theories

Nous regarded him and decided that he's doing fine without them.

Or because he isn't a genius. When he calls himself mediocre, it isn't a humblebrag. He's just a normal human with average intelligence. He achieved everything through hard work (in one of his character stories, his old professor talks about how, even as a kid, he'd wake up very early, exercise, and spend the whole day studying).

That's why he's often frustrated with his students. Like, guys, you are provided with all these opportunities to learn, you can surpass me, why are you squandering them? Or, I sacrificed my childhood and youth to science, why isn't everyone else willing to do the same? (turns out most people only become students to finally enjoy adult life away from their parents and maybe acquire some minimal knowledge and credentials to have a chance of a cushy job in the future.)

BTW, as a teacher, isn't he a self-made emanator of erudition? Not in a mystical Aeon-related sense, but literally—he spreads knowledge.

#honkai star rail #my stuff #dr ratio #granted this isn't how it works in real life #you can't study and do research 24/7 from childhood #unless you are really predisposed to it #or most likely abusive worthless parents are involved #trying to finally 'achieve' something through their child #and it usually doesn't end well for the child #although there is no indication of something dramatic like this #in Ratio's story #he probably did it voluntarily #and again this extreme overwhelming dedication #is the reason he's in Hunt and not Erudition

[ty-bayonet-betteridge]

3l!grian is frequently depicted as a tragic figure and sometimes i wonder if we even watched the same series

#like yes he is tragic. every character in the series is tragic but i think hes easily the least tragic of the winners #(except maybe cleo. i have my own thoughts about how cleos victory plays into her core themes and why its not as joyous or triumphant as #cleo the players and the fandom at large make it seem that i will have to make a real post about at some point) #grian dies Laughing. he smiles and calls it a dual victory before the final fight. his last words are “its been amazing.” #to me Grians arc is about how he came in with this sense of mirth. had it ripled away by the reality when his joke gets Scar killed. #and then rediscovers it as he learns that the horror of their circumstances doesn't need to keep him from delight #plus also ive never seen a man more delighted to explode three of his friends #ill also bring up that Martyns lore has Grian involved in the games explicitly to COMBAT the angst #that Grians inherent silliness and joy makes the players less hopeless as they meet their endings #and theres obviously parts of martyns lore i can take or leave but this is one area where Eyes and Ears lines up very well with what actions #the characters take and so im happy to bring it up #unlike other parts such as “limlife pearl and cleo retained more trauma between seasons than any player has before” #which i do directly refute as it doesn't seem to line up with the way the characters act and the story plays out #thats for another post though #my point here is 3l grian was having the time of his life and i think there are some fanon interpretationd that disregard that #which theyre free to do im definitely someone who has ignored canon plenty of times in the past (glances at worm) #but i think this is the sort of thing that makes the canon more interesting and compelling #anyway. um. rambled longer than i meant to there #grian #trafficblr #3rd life #3rd life smp #3lsmp

[marzipanandminutiae]

i think it’s less that ppl are legit expecting a white christmas in boston every year and more that the probability for one used to be 20 to 30% and it’s now been almost 15 years without one and probability has dropped to 10% and will continue to drop. for someplace like worcester in massachusetts it’s even worse — probability was 67% ish for the boomers and now it’s a little over 30%. only 27 white christmases in boston since 1892 sounds small but when u consider most bostonians had 3 white christmases by their mid-teens on top of all the christmases where there was snow even if it wasn’t one inch and now there are teenagers who haven’t seen even one white christmas… it makes sense why ppl freak out every year it still hasn’t happened.

And that absolutely makes sense, yeah! I have immense climate anxiety too, like I said!

What I was responding to was more the people saying "it's 60 and raining in Boston and it feels like the apocalypse" or "this isn't how it's supposed to be ever; this never used to happen."

I don't know if you saw my longer post, but I went and looked at Boston weather records going back to 1893. Most Decembers from 1893-1903 had multiple days in the upper 50s, with many years getting into the 60s at least once. I didn't track every single year from 1893 to the present, but it seems reasonable to assume that that 10-year period wasn't just a weird fluke. December 1895 actually had more days in the 60s (5) than December 2022 (1).

That's not the full story, of course- December 1895 also had a couple of days in the 20s before that upswing, some with small amounts of snow. You also have things like overnight lows going haywire, and other reminders that climate change is real and it is happening now. I would never, ever attempt to deny that. It's the single biggest problem facing humanity at the moment.

However. There are multiple things to hold in our minds at the same time when thinking about its day-to-day effect on our lives, and one of them is "the effects are seldom as simple as It's Warmer Every Day Now Than It Ever Has Been, And That Will Continue Unilaterally For The Rest Of Our Lives." I'm not trying to deny or negate anything. I'm just trying to make people feel a little less despondent.

(I also just discovered that the metric for a white Christmas here in Boson states that it has to fall before 7 AM, which seems arbitrary and weird. We actually had a white Christmas here in 2017- we got 2.9" of snow -it just fell later in the day. So...it doesn't count for some reason? That's really strange to me. Anyway, the article where I learned this estimates our average yearly "one inch of snow on the ground at 7 AM on Christmas morning" chances nowadays at 19% as of three days ago.)

(I also think this demonstrates what I'm calling Reverse Environmental Amnesia- where, rather than thinking that the effects of climate change have always been normal, you tend to remember past weather in a way that fits the absolute direst interpretation of circumstances. Anyone who was in Boston on Christmas 2017 SHOULD remember the snowstorm...but I've seen multiple locals who don't travel for the holidays agreeing that we've had no Christmas snow at all since 2009.)

#ask #anon #climate change #boston #history #the 7 AM rule is super-weird. like. everyone is saying our last white Christmas was 2009 all over the Internet #but we literally got almost 3 inches six years ago #it somehow just doesn't count because of the timing? I'm calling BS #in that case the first white Christmas of my life- 2010 in Nashville -wasn't real #neither was the second- last year; same place -because it was less than an inch #like this is so arbitrary #to my mind a white Christmas is if you see snow on the ground at some point on December 25th. end of.

[myrmica]

speaking of interpretations i don't like i hateeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee the idea that lifesteal characters are somehow different people or lose memories between seasons i hate it so bad

#i didn't like it with life series either AGRHGHGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG #m #lifesteal #my blog i get to complain once in a while #i'm just such a hater of anything that requires you to start ignoring the way people actually act/the actual relation of player to game #like zam saying he thinks of it like his characters are separate between seasons is whatever but like. vitalasy for example still Tries #to have conversations with him about s4 in s5. his refusal to engage with those conversations doesn't really make any sense if he's #somehow a zam who did not experience those things ... and it's so much more interesting and doesn't require you to start jumping through #hoops if he does remember and is Choosing not to engage #okay at the end of the day my thing is this: he can think that and act like that if he wants but he can't dictate whether or not anybody #else treats it the same way because the real relationship of player to game is that you Are always the same person and you Did experience #those things so any situation where you try to act like that stuff didn't happen just becomes a character trait rather than a material fact #of the world. okay i'm at peace now i'm not annoyed anymore

[volcanicsleep]

we watched all* turtle media! here's our ranking list!

*we would watch shows from the beginning until we lost interest, then we'd jump ahead in the series and repeat until we had a good overall impression of the show (we mostly cared about characterization and relationship dynamics).

the rankings are not indicative of objective or subjective quality. it's just based on how much we enjoyed them

the rise movie

rottmnt

tmnt (1990) + tmnt II: secret of the ooze [watch together. its a complete experience]

TMNT (2007)

tmnt (1987)

turtles forever

tmnt (2003)

tmnt batman movie

first bay movie

tmnt flash forward

tmnt III [nigh unwatchable]

tmnt (2012) [had to drop it after 4th episode for mental health safety]

honorable mention: turtle odyssey

#rottmnt #tmnt #tmnt 2007 #tmnt 2003 #tmnt 1990 #tmnt 1987 #tmnt bayverse #honestly we thought that the complaints about mikey being abused might have just been like. fandom exaggeration. for like angst stuff #turns out they're all abused and the fandom only knows how to identify the most overt of it #...this doesn't mean they don't love eachother. they do #thats kind of the problem lmao #speaking from personal experience here. but the 2012 family (at least in early episodes) was my family years ago. its abuse guys #therapist identified abuse #this does not mean that if you enjoy 12 you are pro-abuse or anything like that #the media you consume or get happiness from does not determine your moral stances or qualities #also themes like that could easily fly over your head if you've never encountered real life abuse- or you grew up with it being normal #...anyway 2007 isn't as cursed as some of you were complaining #leo just kinda looks like a lizard and everything looks wet BUT OTHER THAN THAT its one of my favorites actually #fights scenes good :3 #except the last one. the movie kinda shits the bed at the end lmao #also: released in 2007: predicts the fucking 2008 housing crash. hilarious. apollo and dodgeballs lol #essays to come about each movie/show or something if me and ahs feel like it lmao #if anyone has good 2012 episodes without splinter we'd like to watch them :)

[interdisciplinary-disaster]

ok but rarepair WHO and HOW and tell me nooow

Ok this is the double bonus WIP doc even though only one of the WIPs is about a rarepair. The rarepair is Jonas/Mathieu, which is somewhat un-exciting I think because they are literally NEVER PICTURED TOGETHER and have NO CHEMISTRY. So it's not like a fun rarepair it's a de facto rare pair if you know what I mean. Anyway! The concept is this:

Jonas is on vacation in Benidorm sometime after his season ends. He starts talking to a ripped-looking blonde guy on grindr named Mathieu (yes, he would use his real first name, he obviously has no face pics so it's fine). It's going well, they make plans to meet in Jonas' hotel room.

Right before Mathieu arrives, Jonas checks the group chat and sees a message from Wout about being in Benidorm for a cyclocross race and he's like "oh fuck oh god that's Mathieu van der Poel" and tries to leave but it's too late, he runs into Mathieu in the lobby. Mathieu figures out what's going on, too. They decide it's a good idea to sign NDAs even though they didn't actually hook up, they both saw each other on grindr and their respective teams would think it was for the best. Here's all that:

Anyway at this point Mathieu is like "well actually what if we did hook up" and I think they do, most of what I want to get out of this fic is

getting Jonas and Mathieu to plausibly hook up, and

Jonas realizing that he's going to have to like, interact with Wout knowing that he fucked Mathieu van der Poel. Wout is straight in this one so he doesn't care in that way but Jonas is like "he's going to be so mad at me" even though I don't actually think Wout would be mad.

and a secret third thing, maybe it ends up being a regular thing and I get to write awkward scenes where Mathieu appears on the bus, at training camp, etc. I just think that would be fun. Even if Wout's not mad about it I still think it would be pretty funny.

So yeah idk I'm kind of stuck on the sex scene with this one because, well, it's a random hook up and it's going to be awkward and I'm also not entirely sure what they're both like in bed yet, but I add onto this a little bit every month so maybe some day it'll make it out of the drafts!

#right and the second WIP in this doc i'm actually more excited about but I really feel like I ran out of room to talk about it #it's the Mathieu is a witch fic #and wout doesn't exist so he becomes obsessed with conjuring wout #and then he accidentally makes new life from a man he imagined (among other things) in his mind and it gets fucked up! #anyway the end i hope u enjoyed #oh and another thing this doc also has some real gems of one shots in them like for instance lease a rider initiation for matteo #and also like 300 words of “remco cannot tell a lie” before I realized that I cannot write remco to save my life #cycling rpf

[thehealingsystem]

Seeing some debate on if in game henry being an ink version of him makes the time loops less evil and imo it makes it even MORE evil. He was given false memories of a life he never lived, been put through hell and back ever since creation and has no hope of any other purpose in the world. He was literally MADE to suffer. And he isn't even the henry that had left joey, just some replica he made to take his anger out on with no regards to that person's wellbeing

Just because he's made of ink doesn't mean he's any less alive. He still feels things, still has thoughts and opinions, still conscious, he is a living being. No, just because he isn't the real guy doesn't make it less cruel. Its just as, or even more so, a disgusting and evil thing to do to him

#I was half hoping henry would get to run into joey and just start beating him up #ghost joey must be avoiding him like the PLAGUE #what's funny is when joey finally realized that maybe what he was doing was a little fucked up he didn't personally help henry #he sent allison instead which is questionable by itself #but #he knew the guy probs didn't want any help from HIM #using ur brain for once joey #I honestly wanted to see more anger from henrys end about all of it #was he implied to be aware he isn't real? like not JUST made of ink but that he was ALWAYS ink? #not human turned ink #and what's also so fucking sad is that as soon as he escaped from the time loop he was held prisoner for years after #can we please give this guy a hug? also some food I know he doesn't need to eat but going years without food doesn't sound nice #please I need this man to be happy for once in his life #bringing back the stop henry abuse slogan #henry stein #batdr #bendy and the dark revival #bendy and the ink machine #batim #joey drew

[abirdie]

Gael García Bernal in Wasp Network (2019, dir. Olivier Assayas)

(Among other people, these gifs feature the backs of the heads of Anel Perdomo, Penélope Cruz and Edgar Ramírez)

[other gael filmography gifsets]

#gael garcía bernal #wasp network #ggb filmography gifs #the real life story is fascinating #so i don't know how they made such a meh film out of it #especially given the quality of the cast #i think the problem is that they try to pull off an 'aha! but this is what was really going on' twist halfway through #which just doesn't work with a real life story that was headline news #it's also a barrier to engaging with the characters whether or not the viewer knows what's going on #just tell the story properly please #btw the real gerardo hernández was 25 at the time of the earliest events depicted in this film and 32 at the end #he was significantly younger than rené gonzález or juan pablo roque but the film makes him around the same age #i mean sure if you can cast gael in your movie always cast gael in your movie but it's still an odd choice #gael garcia bernal

[morethanwonderful]

One of the things I think of a lot with regards to John is—why didn't he have any friends in his real life?

None of the beta kids ever seem to mention having irl friends that they miss in the aftermath of the apocalypse. And yeah, they've got a lot of other stuff going on, and it's not really in the narrative's nature to bring up people not somehow involved with sburb, but on a watsonian level, if any of them had other friends that died in sburb's aftermath, you'd think they'd say something about that grief at some point.

It's relatively easy to explain away the other beta kids' friendlessness. Jade lives alone on an island, Dave is Dave (raised in an extremely weird way that does not make him well-suited for regular life), and Rose's mom is strange and rich enough that Rose probably goes to some shitty private school or has an online tutor or something.

But John is such a public school-type kid through and through. He's just some guy. But the more I think about him, the more I'm thinking about why he must not have any friends. He canonically spends most of his time online.

He's into (poorly) coding, shitty movies, online games, and magic tricks, none of which are a particular recipe for popularity—especially not as a twelve year old in 2009. He also has a peanut allergy.

Unfortunately, that's also probably a social strike against him. Schools are historically really bad at dealing with kids with severe allergies. There's decent odds John was eating alone and isolated at an "allergy table."

Overall, he's kind of made for being a run of the mill social outcast. He's not Dave levels of weird, and he might not be horribly bullied, but he absolutely strikes me as the few to no friends sort in a really painfully mundane way. He's just some dweeb. He's painfully sincere and enthusiastic most of the time, yet clearly has some self-hatred issues deep down that he doesn't like to think about.

He likes unpopular things and lives his life online. And pre sburb, at least his online life seems happy! He has good friends! But I can't help but wonder what his hours not at his computer screen were like. It's hard being twelve years old and goofy and awkward and friendless.

All those deeply repressed internalized thoughts about how lame he is have to come from somewhere, y'know?

#john shines SO bright and is SO enthusiastic most of the time. aggressively so #he loves what he loves. and yet #lame kid. clowns. etc #it really makes me think about how those ideas end up in his head and what his school life must be like #and the peanut allergy on top of his interests—perfect unpopular nerd cocktail unfortunately #like John is the least angsty character in a lot of ways. esp pre-sburb john #he doesn't have a crazy horrible life like a lot of his friends #but the mundane relatability makes the struggles he does have all the worse y'know? #sorry I did warn y'all I was going to be losing it over John during this reread #homestuck #john egbert #homestuckposting #english major hours #andie rereads homestuck #and yeah I know that dave comic I linked is just a fanwork #but it rings SO real and true for me #it's canon in my heart and completely aligns with canon as far as I know #long post #ID in alt text #homestuck 72 #<<it's about multiple pages but the allergy page is what prompted this