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sophieinwonderland · 28 days

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So, singlet here, been on tumblr for a while but only started to join plural spaces when a friend told me they were plural and now I am trying to learn more. Sadly, the first plural creator I found was Aspen and now I’m trying to unlearn all the endo hate I’ve learned in the past month. If you don’t mind, could you tell me what an endo actually is? Whenever I asked them they just told me what I now know to be lies.

Sure! Thanks for reaching out and being open-minded!

In its most simple form, an endogenic system is a system who is plural for reasons other than trauma.

These include created systems, systems who have been plural as long as they can remember, and spontaneous systems who become plural without explanation. And any of these can have spiritual or psychological views on their system. The plural umbrella is inclusive to any plurals regardless of origin.

Here is what we know:

Plurality is old and everywhere: Throughout history, in cultures around the globe, plurality has existed in the form of possession states or communing with spirits or similar phenomena.

Many of the above experiences have been studied, and psychiatrists agree that they generally aren't aversive and shouldn't be considered a mental disorder. There are specific exceptions carved out stating that non-aversive plurality shouldn't be diagnosed as a disorder.

The invention of the internet and ability to connect with other plurals without fear of persecution led to the creation of the first inclusive plural communities online, shared by anyone who was multiple in one body for any reason.

At the time, the term "natural multiples" was used to refer to what we now call endogenic systems. The community replaced the term with "endogenic" around 2014.

Most of the resources used by the modern plural community came out of the inclusive side of the community. "Headmate" was a non-medical alternative to "alter." "Plural" was coined as a non-medical alternative to "multiple" which was associated with "multiple personality disorder" at the time. Fictives and factives both date back to the soulbonder community. And resources like Pluralkit and Simply Plural were made by endos.

What we don't know:

Scientific research into endogenic systems is still in its infancy. And though it indisputably exists, we don't know exactly what causes it... but we also don't know what causes someone to be a singlet...

Our brain is estimated to have 86 billion neurons with over 100 trillion synapses. We don’t understand what make all of these create one single personality.

The theory of structural dissociation suggests that children start with a less integrated personality that integrates over time. But that opens the door to ask, does this integration occur naturally due to biological factors, or is it from sociological and environmental pressure?

It seems possible to me that different environments or genetic factors could lead to certain humans just integrating into multiple people instead of one. This would explain systems who report being plural since birth.

For created systems, one hypothesis could be that it might involve a form of hypnosis. Some doctors have long believed hypnosis might involve dissociated parts, and Dr Samuel Veisseire and Michael Lifshitz, who have studied tulpamancy closely, believe the practices tulpamancers use to create tulpas might be inherently hypnotic.

Stanford University is doing a neurological study into tulpamancers, and I'm excited to see the results of that, but we aren't sure when that study is going to be complete. And that's likely just the first of many, and though it will be another piece of the puzzle, it certainly won't answer our most pressing questions for how this works. But I, for one, can't wait to learn more! 😁

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allamericansbitch · 2 years

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based on this thread, here is a list of famous people who have supported johnny depp and/or made fun of amber heard. fuck all of them:

Aly & AJ

Alissa Violet (Influencer)

Anitta

Ann Coulter

Ashley Benson

Ashley Park (actress from Emily in Paris)

Auli'i Cravalho (actress from Moana)

Bailey Muñoz

Bella Hadid

Ben Shapiro

Booboo Stewart

Chase Hudson (Lil Huddy)

Chase Stokes (actor from Outer Banks)

China McClaine

Chris Rock

Cierra Ramirez (actress from The Fosters/Good Trouble)

Cody Simpson

Connor Swindells (adam groff on sex education)

Cazzie David

Critical Role

Dakota Fanning

Dakota Johnson

Daniel Ricciardo

Diana Silvers

Dillion Francis (DJ)

Dominic Fike

Dove Cameron

Elle King

Emma Roberts

Florence Pugh

Gabby Douglas

Gemma Chan

Halle Bailey

Henry Golding

Ian Somerhalder

Jaime King

Jamie Campbell Bower

Javier Bardem

Jennifer Aniston

Jennifer Coolidge

Jeremy Renner

Jessie J

JK Rowling

Joe Perry (Aerosmith)

JoJo Siwa

Jordan Fisher

Julian Kostov (actor from Shadow & Bone)

Justin Long

Kali Uchis

Kat Von D

Kelly Osbourne

Kelsea Ballerini

Kyle Rittenhouse

LaKeith Stanfield

Lance Bass

Lennon Stella

Lewis Tan

Lucy Hale

Madelyn Cline (actress from Outer Banks)

Maren Morris

Matthias Schoenaerts

Michael Clifford (of 5 Seconds of Summer)

Molly Shanon

Nicholas Braun

Norman Reedus

Nyane (popular instagram model)

Olivia Jade

Paige (from WWE)

Paris Hilton

Patti Smith

Paul Bettany

Paul McCartney

Penelope Cruz

Perrie Edwards

Phillip Barantini (director of Boiling Point)

Pokimane (Twitch Streamer)

Reeve Carney

Robert Downey Jr

Rian Dawson (Drummer of All Time Low)

Riley Keough

Rita Ora

Ryan Adams

Sam Claflin

Samantha Hanratty (actress from Yellowjackets)

Samuel Larsen

Seth Savoy (Director)

Shannen Doherty

Sharon Stone

Sia

SNL cast and writers

Sofia Boutella

Sophie Turner

Stella Maxwell

Tammin Sursok

Taika Waititi

Tony Lopez

Upsahl

Vanessa Hudgens

Vanessa Morgan

Vanessa Paradis

Vincent Gallo

Yungblud

Zachary Levi

Zedd

Zoe Saldana

Zoey Deutch

People who publicly support Amber:

Aiysha Hart

Alex Winter

Alexa Nikolas (actress from Zoey 101)

Amanda Seyfried

Amy Schumer

Anna Sophia Robb

Bianca Butti (Amber's ex)

Busy Philipps

Chace Crawford

Chloe Morello

Christina Ricci

Constance Wu

Contrapoints/Natalie Wynn

Corey Rae

Dana Schwartz (journalist and writer)

David Krumholtz

Dolph Lundgren

Edward Norton

Elizabeth Lail (actress who played Beck from you)

Elizabeth McGovern

Elizaberh Reaser (Esmé in Twilight)

Ellen Barkin

Emeraude Toubia (actress from Shadowhunters and With Love)

Emily Ratajkowski

Evan Rachel Wood

Finneas

Howard Stern

Ira Madison III

Jamelle Bouie (NYT columnist)

Jessica Taylor, Dr

Jon Lovett (podcaster & former White House speech writer & fiance of Ronan Farrow)

John Legend

Julia Fox

Julia Stiles

Julianne Moore

Kate Nash (singer, actress from Glow)

Kathy Griffin

Kristen Bell

Lauren Jauregui

Lena Headey

Lindsay Ellis (YouTuber)

Lindsay Lohan

Lindsey Gort

Mia Farrow

Michele Dauber (Stanford law professor)

Millie Brady (actress in The Last Kingdom)

Mel B

Melanie Lynskey

Melissa Benoist

Monica Lewinsky

Nathalie Emmanuel (actress on Game of Thrones)

Neil Gaiman (writer of Caroline, American Gods, Good Omens, etc.)

Nikki Glaser (comedian)

Patricia Arquette

Rachel Riley

Raphael Bob-Waksberg (creator of Bojack Horseman)

Robin Lord Taylor

Rian Johnson (director of Knives Out)

Ryn Weaver (singer)

Samantha Bee (comedian)

Sarah Paulson

Sarah Steele

Selma Blair

Sophia Bush

Uzo Aduba

Willa Fitzgerald

Zach Kornfeld (from the Try Guys)

#tp #amber heard #johnny depp #heard v depp

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demons-and-demigods · 2 months

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Demons and Demigods Part One: The Beginning

Sally is Mary's younger sister. I wanted her to be a Winchester but I also wanted her to have grown up hunting more, so. Mary wanted to escape the hunting life and so did Sally. As soon as she turned eighteen, Sally moved to NYC and changed her name from Campbell to Jackson and went no contact with her entire family except for Mary.

Sally and Mary were super close growing up and even once they lived so far apart, they still kept in contact. Sally came and visited Mary and John for the births of Dean and Sam and she was so excited to be an aunt and she was so happy for her sister. But one night, a few months after Sam was born and Sally had returned to New York, Mary called her in the middle of the night crying and told Sally about her deal, she begged Sally to look out for her boys. Sally promised to try.

Mary died.

John and the boys disappeared and Sally tried to reach out and she tried to find them, but John refused to answer her calls and she always seemed to be one step behind.

Then, nearly a year after Mary had died, John appeared at the doorstep of Sally’s shitty apartment, Dean and Sam nowhere to be seen, and told her he was hunting down whatever had killed Mary because he knew it wasn’t some gas leak, he knows what he saw, and he saw his wife burning on the ceiling of Sammy’s nursery with her stomach slashed open.

Sally tries to ask where her nephews are but John keeps dodging her questions and refusing to answer her. He disappears again and she tries to keep tabs on him, she does, but anywhere she manages to track him to, there’s never any mention of two little boys with him and she starts to think that maybe her nephews are dead. (Spoiler: they’re not. When Sally learns just how shitty their childhoods were, she hunts down and murders John ^-^)

Sally mourns her nephews and curses her brother-in-law and prays that Mary can forgive her for breaking her promise.

Eventually, she tries to move on with her life, and she meets a handsome stranger and falls in love because she knows that he’s a god, and she was taught that all gods are cruel, capricious monsters who need to be killed but Poseidon is nothing like that, nothing like she’d been raised to believe and before long she has a little blessing of her own.

She uses what she knows from growing up a hunter to try and keep Percy safe for as long as she can.

She marries Gabe and makes sure she has iron and silver and salt in the house at all times and she has a go bag ready to go for both her and Percy.

He turns twelve. He is dragged into the demigod world and Sally always knew this day was coming but that doesn’t make this any easier. She already lost her sister and her nephews, she doesn’t think she would be able to survive losing her son, too.

Percy is thirteen and Gabe is dead and their lives are better and then one day Sally gets an alert from a search algorithm she had long given up on that a Samuel Winchester was enrolled in Stanford University in Palo Alto, California.

She wanted to reach out, but she had never told Percy about her sister or nephews and she had no idea if Sam knew she existed. She doubted John would have talked about her and Dean had probably been too young to remember her. So she didn’t try and contact him, but she did keep an eye on him and how he was doing.

Four years later, Percy has survived the Great Prophecy and beaten Kronos. (“Mom, when did you learn how to fire a shotgun?” “About ten seconds ago,” she lied. She felt bad lying to her son, but his life was dangerous enough with just the Greek world to worry about, he didn’t need to worry about everything else that was out there. From what she knew, the Greeks were pretty strict about not mixing pantheons, so she hoped that he would never run into any other kind of monster.) He’s sixteen and traumatized but healing and he has her, and Annabeth, and Grover, and all his other friends from Camp. Sam is twenty-two and about to graduate from Stanford as Valedictorian and continue into law school. She sees pictures of him online on Stanford’s website and years books and he has Mary’s smile and John’s nose and she couldn’t be prouder of him even if he doesn’t even know she exists.

Sally has her baby boy, safe and by her side as he heals from fighting a war too young, she has Paul, a wonderful, loving husband that takes care of her and Percy, and she knows that Sam is alive and doing well, free from whatever hell John must have raised him and Dean in, and while she wishes she knew for certain that Dean was alive and okay as well, she was happy with what she had.

But then Percy goes missing.

Annabeth Iris Messages her to tell her that Percy has gone missing from his cabin at Camp, the one place he is supposed to be safe, and they’ve been looking for him for almost a week now but there’s been no sign and the gods aren’t answering anyone’s prayers and Mr. D was called back to Olympus and Annabeth is so sorry but she doesn’t know what to do and Sally deserved to know that her son was missing.

Later that day, she reads a news article from California and learns that Sam’s girlfriend died in a fire exactly like Mary did.

Next up: First Written Scene <3

#dndv #dndv lore #demons and demigods verse #supernatural #spn #dean winchester #sam winchester #sally jackson #annabeth chase #percy jackson #percy jackon and the olympians #pjo #mary winchester #john winchester #paul blofis

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ilhoonftw · 1 year

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know your kpop lawsuit:

tablo vs weirdos that claimed he faked going to stanford - tablo won (soompi)

block b members vs stardom - block b lost (channel-korea, very long breakdown)

sm + lee sooman tax evasion/fraud saga: 2003 2014 2021 pandora papers

jyj vs sm entertaiment - mother of all lawsuits, birthed a new law (officialykmusic)

half of exo-m vs sm entertaiment - two settled (asianjunkie) tao won in china but lost in korea (asianjunkie)

sm entertaiment vs sustainable ethical enterprise limited - sm entertaiment lost a bunch of exo related trademarks (kbizoom)

sm, yg, jyp vs korea creative content agency - delayed registering the company under, violating the popular culture industry act (koreatimes)

the rose vs j & star company - contract termination request denied, later settled (soompi1) (soompi2)

kara nicole, seungyeon, jiyoung vs dsp entertaiment - 'reached agreement' (seoulbeats)

knk vs ynb entertaiment - contracts terminated (soompi)

younha vs lion media - younha won (younha fan blog)

jbj95 vs star road entertaiment - jbj95 won (kbizoom)

l.joe vs top media - settled (soompi)

inx vs na entertaiment - inx won (soompi)

the legend members vs ss entertaiment - the legend won but still disbanded (reddit)

b.a.p vs ts entertaiment - settled (soompi)

hyosung vs ts entertaiment - settled (soompi)

sleepy vs ts entertaiment - sleepy won, later was aquitted of defamation (soompi) (asianjunkie)

madtown vs gni entertainment - madtown won (soompi)

samuel vs brave entertaiment - settled after 3 years (soompi)

n-sonic vs c2k entertaiment - n-sonic won (soompi)

lai kuanlin vs cube entertaiment - twice dismissed, then contract was ruled invalid (soompi)

clc elkie vs cube entertaiment - contract terminated (soompi)

2ne1 minzy vs music works - minzy lost but after appeal contract was terminated (kpopstarz)

ioi/pristin kyulkyung vs pledis entertaiment - breach of contract lawsuit filed that's all we know (soompi1) (soompi2)

kang daniel vs lm entertaiment - reached agreement via mediation (soompi)

kang daniel vs dc inside - kang daniel lost, he requested for p101 season 2 community page to be deleted (soompi)

chorong vs 'she's a bully' accusations - accuser found guilty of defamation, later they both met in person and dropped the lawsuit (soompi)

i tzy lia vs 'she's a bully' accusations - accuser not found guilty of defamation, jyp requested reinvestigation (soompi1) (soompi2)

#i use soompi bc out of kboo and allkpoop they are like. the best of the worst #tw sui #in second link

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eludin-realm · 7 months

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Character Name Ideas (Male)

So I've been browsing through BehindTheName (great resource!) recently and have compiled several name lists. Here are some names, A-Z, that I like. NOTE: If you want to use any of these please verify sources, meanings etc, I just used BehindTheName to browse and find all of these. Under the cut:

A: Austin, Aiden, Adam, Alex, Angus, Anthony, Archie, Argo, Ari, Aric, Arno, Atlas, August, Aurelius, Alexei, Archer, Angelo, Adric, Acarius, Achilou, Alphard, Amelian, Archander B: Bodhi, Bastian, Baz, Beau, Beck, Buck, Basil, Benny, Bentley, Blake, Bowie, Brad, Brady, Brody, Brennan, Brent, Brett, Brycen C: Cab, Cal, Caden, Cáel, Caelan, Caleb, Cameron, Chase, Carlos, Cooper, Carter, Cas, Cash, Cassian, Castiel, Cedric, Cenric, Chance, Chandler, Chaz, Chad, Chester, Chet, Chip, Christian, Cillian, Claude, Cicero, Clint, Cody, Cory, Coy, Cole, Colt, Colton, Colin, Colorado, Colum, Conan, Conrad, Conway, Connor, Cornelius, Creed, Cyneric, Cynric, Cyrano, Cyril, Cyrus, Crestian, Ceric D: Dallas, Damien, Daniel, Darach, Dash, Dax, Dayton, Denver, Derek, Des, Desmond, Devin, Dewey, Dexter, Dietrich, Dion, Dmitri, Dominic, Dorian, Douglas, Draco, Drake, Drew, Dudley, Dustin, Dusty, Dylan, Danièu E: Eadric, Evan, Ethan, Easton, Eddie, Eddy, Einar, Eli, Eilas, Eiljah, Elliott, Elton, Emanuel, Emile, Emmett, Enzo, Erik, Evander, Everett, Ezio F: Faolán, Faron, Ferlin, Felix, Fenrir, Fergus, Finley, Finlay, Finn, Finnian, Finnegan, Flint, Flip, Flynn, Florian, Forrest, Fritz G: Gage, Gabe, Grady, Grant, Gray, Grayson, Gunnar, Gunther, Galahad H: Hale, Harley, Harper, Harvey, Harry, Huey, Hugh, Hunter, Huxley I: Ian, Ianto, Ike, Inigo, Isaac, Isaias, Ivan, Ísak J: Jack, Jacob, Jake, Jason, Jasper, Jax, Jay, Jensen, Jed, Jeremy, Jeremiah, Jesse, Jett, Jimmie, Jonas, Jonas, Jonathan, Jordan, Josh, Julien, Jovian, Jun, Justin, Joseph, Joni, K: Kaden, Kai, Kale, Kane, Kaz, Keane, Keaton, Keith, Kenji, Kenneth, Kent, Kevin, Kieran, Kip, Knox, Kris, Kristian, Kyle, Kay, Kristján, Kristófer L: Lamont, Lance, Landon, Lane, Lars, László, Laurent, Layton, Leander, Leif, Leo, Leonidas, Leopold, Levi, Lewis, Louie, Liam, Liberty, Lincoln, Linc, Linus, Lionel, Logan, Loki, Lucas, Lucian, Lucio, Lucky, Luke, Luther, Lyall, Lycus, Lykos, Lyle, Lyndon, Llewellyn, Landri, Laurian, Lionç M: Major, Manny, Manuel, Marcus, Mason, Matt, Matthew, Matthias, Maverick, Maxim, Memphis, Midas, Mikko, Miles, Mitch, Mordecai, Mordred, Morgan, Macari, Maïus, Maxenci, Micolau, Miro N: Nate, Nathan, Nathaniel, Niall, Nico, Niels, Nik, Noah, Nolan, Niilo, Nikander, Novak, O: Oakley, Octavian, Odin, Orlando, Orrick, Ǫrvar, Othello, Otis, Otto, Ovid, Owain, Owen, Øyvind, Ozzie, Ollie, Oliver, Onni P: Paisley, Palmer, Percival, Percy, Perry, Peyton, Phelan, Phineas, Phoenix, Piers, Pierce, Porter, Presley, Preston, Pacian Q: Quinn, Quincy, Quintin R: Ragnar, Raiden, Ren, Rain, Rainier, Ramos, Ramsey, Ransom, Raul, Ray, Roy, Reagan, Redd, Reese, Rhys, Rhett, Reginald, Remiel, Remy, Ridge, Ridley, Ripley, Rigby, Riggs, Riley, River, Robert, Rocky, Rokas, Roman, Ronan, Ronin, Romeo, Rory, Ross, Ruairí, Rufus, Rusty, Ryder, Ryker, Rylan, Riku, Roni S: Sammie, Sammy, Samuel, Samson, Sanford, Sawyer, Scout, Seán, Seth, Sebastian, Seymour, Shane, Shaun, Shawn, Sheldon, Shiloh, Shun, Sid, Sidney, Silas, Skip, Skipper, Skyler, Slade, Spencer, Spike, Stan, Stanford, Sterling, Stevie, Stijn, Suni, Sylvan, Sylvester T: Tab, Tad, Tanner, Tate, Tennessee, Tero, Terrance, Tevin, Thatcher, Tierno, Tino, Titus, Tobias, Tony, Torin, Trace, Trent, Trenton, Trev, Trevor, Trey, Troy, Tripp, Tristan, Tucker, Turner, Tyler, Ty, Teemu U: Ulric V: Valerius, Valor, Van, Vernon, Vespasian, Vic, Victor, Vico, Vince, Vinny, Vincent W: Wade, Walker, Wallis, Wally, Walt, Wardell, Warwick, Watson, Waylon, Wayne, Wes, Wesley, Weston, Whitley, Wilder, Wiley, William, Wolfe, Wolfgang, Woody, Wulfric, Wyatt, Wynn X: Xander, Xavier Z: Zachary, Zach, Zane, Zeb, Zebediah, Zed, Zeke, Zeph, Zaccai

#will i use these names for future characters? absolutely yes #okay to reblog this #okay to reblog

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mariacallous · 6 months

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Former Justice Sandra Day O’Connor, who blazed trails as the first woman to sit on the Supreme Court, has died, the court announced Friday morning.

O’Connor, 93, died due to “complications related to advanced dementia,” the court said.

O’Connor inspired generations of female lawyers – including the five women who served after her nomination on the high court. They admired her path marking success in a field that had been dominated by men. Over time, she became known as a moderate conservative and often the swing vote on hot-button social issues. She died after living to see a new conservative leaning court overturned an abortion decision she helped pen in 1992, lower the bar between church and state and set its sights on another area of interest to her: affirmative action.

In 2018, O’Connor revealed in a letter that she had been diagnosed with the beginning stages of dementia, probably Alzheimer’s disease.

“While the final chapter of my life with dementia may be trying, nothing has diminished my gratitude and deep appreciation for the countless blessings of my life,” she wrote.

In nominating O’Connor for the bench in 1981, President Ronald Reagan called her “truly a person for all seasons, possessing those unique qualities of temperament, fairness, intellectual capacity, and devotion to the public good which have characterized the 101 brethren who have preceded her.”

Growing up on the Lazy B Ranch in Arizona, O’Connor was known for her self-reliance and independence, traits she acquired as a young woman branding cattle, driving tractors, and firing rifles.

“She has shown time and time again that she is a true cowgirl,” the late Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg said of O’Connor in a tribute in 2015.

O’Connor stepped down from the court in 2006 to care for her husband who was ailing from Alzheimer’s disease. President George W. Bush would go on to nominate Justice Samuel Alito to take her seat.

A graduate of Stanford University, she went on to study at Stanford Law School where she met and dated –for a time—her classmate the late Chief Justice William Rehnquist. She would go on to marry another classmate, John O’Connor.

Upon graduating, she was turned down by law firms because of her sex. Eventually, she started her own firm with her husband. Later, she served as an Arizona state senator as the first female majority leader. She was a judge of the Maricopa County Superior Court and, in 1979, the Arizona Court of Appeals.

“We all bring with us to the court or to any task we undertake our own lifetime of experiences and background,” O’Connor said in a 2003 CNN interview. “My perceptions might be different than some of my colleagues’ but at the end of the day we all ought to be able to agree on some sensible solution to the problem,” she said.

Former O’Connor clerk James Forman argued that her gender was not a factor in her jurisprudence.

“I don’t think there’s any decision you can say, ‘she reached this result because she’s a woman,’” Forman said.

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mothgardens · 4 months

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it is 2am and i am feeling so much sam winchester love rn so here is a list of taylor swift songs i think resonate with him:

1. Anti-Hero

I feel as tho all the lyrics work towards his character.

Mr. Samuel “It’s me, Hi, I’m the problem it’s me… everybody agrees,” Winchester

I should not be left to my own devices -> Dean constantly implies that Sam shouldn’t be left to figure things out on his own. He does this so much that Sam actually confronts him about it, multiple times.

I wake up screaming from dreaming -> Sam used to wake up from his visions freaked the hell out.

The second verse is also very fitting; he always felt like a freak or monster compared to everyone else.

2. Clean

DEMON BLOOD !!!!!!

I think it works really well for his addiction arc because the song is about toxic relationships (aka RUBY).

The drought being the worst -> Being locked in Bobby’s panic room.

The flowers that we grown together died of thirst -> The powers that grew and developed during his addiction and slowly disappeared when he was sobering.

I screamed so loud but no one heard a thing -> Sam was shouting and banging for hours down in the panic room and no one came to check on him until he was quiet.

Ten months older, I wont give in. Now that i’m clean, I’m never gonna risk it -> He never went back

3. Nothing New

Honestly, the whole reason this song is on the list is because of the lyric:

How can a person know everything at 18, but nothing at 22 -> Sam left for Stanford at 18. That was his first taste of freedom; it was his first time deciding something for himself. He was his own person. He had finally escaped. But, then at 22, Dean came and brought him back in. Jess dies. Everything feels lost again.

In general, I think Sam has lost of teenage girl vibes to him tho. This is probably self projection, but I think its true and this is MY analysis so <3.

4. My Tears Ricochet

This song is about Sam and John’s Stanford fight, and general dynamics that they share.

This one is going to get it’s own in depth, dedicated post <3 but some highlights are:

Even on my worst day, did i deserve, all the hell you gave me -> Sam was a child. No matter how arrogant or frustrating he could be, John should have never been so harsh on him. Telling your kid to never come back just because he wants to go to college is INSANE.

And I can go anywhere I want, just not home -> THIS LINE IS SO AHHHHHHH SAMMY.

Cursing my name, wishing i stayed -> John. John. John. Cursing Sam to never return, while simultaneously wishing he had never left.

Cause when I’d fight you used to tell me I was brave -> Parallel, John telling Sam he being brave on a hunt VS John condescendingly saying Sam was being brave for standing up to him.

You had to kill me, but it killed you just the same -> John realizing that Sam might have to die if nothing changes. John giving that responsibility to Dean by giving his life for Dean’s; selfless selfishness.

5. Mirrorball

Mr. Samuel “And when I break, it’s in a million pieces” Winchester

I’m still on that tightrope, I’m still trying everything to get you laughing at me -> Sam continuously tries to do his best under every circumstance. Even though most of the people around him have such little faith in him. He won’t stop trying.

And I’m still a believer, but I don’t know why -> His faith is God and the stereotypical Christian religion in general throughout the series fascinates me. He has very little reason to keep his faith, but he does. Even in later seasons, I think it was s11, when he prays and believes that Lucifer’s visions are actually messages from God.

I’ve never been a natural, all I do is try try try -> Sam doesn’t actually know what he is doing. He uses his training, but that only can get you so far in mental battles with Lucifer or physical battles with God. He does what he thinks is right. He just wants to help.

6. This Is Me Trying

This is also in the works of developing its own post. Highlights include:

I didn’t know if you’d care if i came back, i have a lot of regrets about that -> Sam never got to know if Dean wanted him back. All that time spent at Stanford he had to wonder if his father and brother actually missed him or not.

Could’ve followed my fears all the way down -> This just screams Lucifer trauma to me

THEY TOLD ME ALL MY CAGES WERE MENTAL, SO I GOT WASTED LIKE ALL MY POTENTIAL -> *violently screams and shakes* The visions, Demon blood, Hallucifer, literally anytime Sam is struggling it is brushed off as him being too worked up about it. Dean literally COMPLAINED to Bobby about how much work it was that Sam was mentally ill. LIKE DUDE.

AND MY WORDS SHOOT TO KILL WHEN IM MAD, I HAVE A LOT OF REGRETS ABOUT THAT -> Sam does say shit that is hurtful. He does shit that is bad. It’s usually out of frustration from someone else’s actions towards him. AKA it’s usually towards Dean, when Dean belittles him.

pouring out my heart to a stranger, BUT I DIDNT POUR THE WHISKEY -> Sam vs Dean (this is NOT me belittling Dean’s alcoholism bc i get he has an issue)

That this is me trying, AT LEAST IM TRYING -> Again, Sam is just doing his best.

And it’s hard to be at a party when I when i feel like an open wound -> Sam has to just behave and go through his life normally even when he is struggling with abandonment, addiction, 180 years of every abuse imaginable and unimaginable, guilt, and just so much suffering.

It ’s hard to be anywhere when all i want is you, you’re a flashback -> Sam’s feelings about Jess. I constantly think about that scene in the impala when he tells Dean that he still thinks about her. It had been like twelve or more years. Its so painful.

—

please excuse my typos

i am yet but just a girl

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welldonebeca · 1 year

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The Ways of Fate - Part 1 (PDF)

Summary: You had always craved for adventure on the open road with nothing to tie you down. You never expected to allow a night of passion from a Stanford Student with cute dimples and puppy dog eyes to become one of the most important moments of your life. The night began with you as complete strangers, but none of you expected what the meeting would really mean for the rest of your lives.

No one had paid a single drop of attention to what you and your band were singing, and nothing would take that theory out of your head. Palo Alto was a nice town, and today was one of those days that the Stanford students were celebrating or nursing their sorrows over their grades in a bar, and just wanted some loud music to accompany it - and that’s basically what Revival, your band, did that night. You were paid shit, sure, but food and drinks were free, and it was enough for the gas you’d need to reach the next town.

“Is that good enough?” Becca slid the sandwich in front of you.

“Yep.”

The jet black-haired bartender had a really hot British accent, and you just wondered if it was worth waiting for her shift to end to spend the night with her. She was cute and had a nice style, and you were feeling like you needed some good lay tonight - and Becca was probably the only one who paid attention to your band’s lyrics.

“Excuse me,” a deep voice called out for the Brit girl just when you were just done with your food. “A Pepsi, please?”

You turned to your side, having to look up to find the face of whom had slid to your side, finding the exact image of what a Labrador would be if transformed into a - what, seven-foot-tall? - man with floppy hair and a lovely, though, discreet, pout.

“A Pepsi?” you repeated, surprised.

“Surprisingly, Y/N,” Becca gave him the soda can. “Not everyone comes up with a fake ID to get drinks at my bar. Sam is a good kid.”

He smiled, blushing at your compliment.

“Come on, Becks,” you put all of your weight onto the counter, raising your legs behind you. “I’ve been drinking wine since my Bat Mitzvah!”

“This isn’t your synagogue,” she shrugged, walking away.

“Thank you, Becca,” he simply whispered, and you turned to look at him.

Oh, he was indeed adorable.

Finally, the feeling of recognition fell onto you. When you were singing along with the band, he was trying to hit on a blond, tall girl who didn’t give him two fucks.

“Oh, I know who you are,” you exclaimed. “You’re the snubbed boy!”

To that, the tall Labrador turned completely to look at you with a frown on his cute face.

“What?”

You laughed.

“Sorry,” you picked up on your own soda. “I was just paying attention to you while I was singing, and you were snubbed by the pretty blond.”

He looked down on his drink, seeming really embarrassed, and you bumped your elbow against his.

“Hey, I think it’s her loss,” you tried to cheer him up. You definitely would take a piece of that if you could; Labrador boy was very handsome. “I’m Y/N. You?”

“Samuel,” he answered. “Sam Winchester.”

You nodded, almost getting lost in the kaleidoscope of greens in his eyes.

“Nice to meet you, Samuel Sam Winchester,” you raised your drink to him. “I would buy you a drink, but you probably have noticed the owner isn’t as cool as her tattoos make it seem.”

Behind you two, Becca scoffed loudly.

“I’m right here, girl,” she pointed out. “I can hear you.”

“Good,” you looked behind your shoulder. “You know, you won’t get too far if you keep acting like you don’t know what you’re doing, Sam. You should know that.”

Your companion curled around himself a bit, almost as if he was trying to hide, not that it was even humanly possible.

“I’m not good with girls,” he muttered. “Even a stranger like you can see it.”

You sighed. Sam Winchester was cute, one of those guys who were on the way to be an 11 in a world full of 6 and 7. He was tall and broadly built with nice hair and puppy eyes, and if your life experiences could predict, the only thing he lacked was confidence, and he’d age like fine wine.

“Doesn’t mean it has to be like that,” you drank your soda and put it aside, leaning closer to him.

You could help him. It’d be nice for the two of you.

You rested your chin on your hand and started playing with his flannel nonchalantly.

“Girls like boys who are confident,” you pointed out, toying with the lowest button of his shirt, tempted to run a hand right up his chest but holding back in respect. “You have the looks, the voice… If you just grow the confidence you’ll be unstoppable.

In front of you, Sam was as red as a tomato, and if the bulge in his pants could say anything, it would agree with the desire that was pumping through your veins

“Like... hm…” he stammered and cleared his throat. “Like how?”

You thought a bit to yourself, moving closer to him and watching his chest rising and falling in a quick motion under his clothes.

“Showing her you’re not going to hand around her waiting for attention crumbs is a good start,” you pointed out. “You’re your own person, Sam. Time is a non-renewable source.”

He shifted on his feet and you just waited.

“I’m not the best with all that,” he confessed with an embarrassed laugh. “Never really had contact with a lot of people growing up.”

“Really? Did you move around a lot?”

He chuckled.

“Every month,” he sighed. “Just me, dad and Dean in a car.”

You pulled your hands away, feeling the mood shifting.

“Why?” you asked. “Was he in the military?”

“Uh… no,” Sam hesitated. “He does pest control, kinda made me and my brother work with him and stuff. It kinda sucked.”

You gave him a sad smile.

“Sorry about that.”

Sam shrugged and you bumped onto him playfully.

“But fuck him, right?” you grinned. “You’re here, not there. You made it, Sam. Just leave him behind.”

He shrugged again.

“Yeah, I guess,” he sighed. “Damn, I ruined it, right? Sorry for dumping that onto you.”

“It’s okay,” you assured him. “Everyone has a weird family after all. I was raised super religious and conservative and look at me now! My Menorah looks like a vulva!”

Sam’s surprised laugh made you relax. Your parents were Conservative, and while you were still a believer, you were the very definition of modern.

“Long story short,” you sighed. “We’re all from shitty families and that’s okay.”

He tapped his fingers against the counter you were both leant on, you just turned around and looked up at his face.

“Can I kiss you?” Sam asked before you could say what you wanted to say.

Your eyes widened a bit.

“Sure.”

You were not ready for how Sam’s lips felt against yours or how quickly his big hands moved to hold you. He grabbed your waist with determination and kissed you like he meant it, and moved a hand to your ass just as your knees got fucking weak. His fingers were so long they brushed right against the seams of jean shorts that touched your pussy lips, and you melted.

Who knew this boy was so bold?

Too soon for your liking, Sam pulled away and looked at you in confusion.

“You have a…?”

“Tongue piercing,” you confirmed, realising you were practically sat on his thigh. “It’s really good for kissing. And other things…”

Your fingers traced down his body and landed on the seam of his pants. Yes, he was happy.

“Oh,” he muttered, blushing.

“Do you want to put that to test?” you teased.

Sam kissed you again and one of his hands moved from holding you and slammed some money onto the counter, paying whatever he’d bought before and dragging you out of the bar.

He pressed you against the wall in the empty alley outside right when the door closed behind you two, and you weren’t the littlest bit embarrassed when his hand entered the back of your shirt and the other squeezed your thigh while his lips moved as if he wanted to simply eat you alive right there and then.

“Let’s go somewhere more private,” he kissed the way down your throat, sucking your skin enough to leave a bruise and make you moan just as his fingers hesitantly brushed up your breast, and he stopped, surprised at the lack of a bra.

Before Sam could pull away, you covered his hand with yours and guided him up, squeezing over him and panting just as he kneaded your breasts in his huge palm.

“Yes, please,” you whined. “You got a condom?”

He instantly froze, which was enough to tell you what the answer to the question was. You didn’t even think twice, detangling yourself from his grasp to Sam’s utter shock.

“Y/n, I’m so-”

Before he could continue, though, you dropped to your knees and pulled his belt open, making his eyes widen, and pushed his clothes away.

Fuck, Sam’s cock was just as big as himself. Your fingers couldn’t circle it whole when you held it in your hand, and he was easily longer than the biggest guy you’d ever had, You almost didn’t want to get up, and just wished you could suck him right there and then, but you needed him to be on his prime for when you finally got him naked.

“Wait for me right here,” you instructed, standing on your feet and half-arsed fixing your top.

You practically skipped into the bar, jumping right onto the stage and grabbing the microphone, tapping it to check if it was still on.

“Guys, hey,” you called out. “Does anyone have a magnum condom or two to lend me? Preferably trojan. Durex XXL is cool too.”

To say the whole bar was staring at you would a bit of an understatement, and the blond who had rejected Sam was looking at you with very wide - and jealous - eyes. You almost insisted for a moment, but a cute guy raised a hand.

“I do.”

“Great!” you exclaimed. “My friends will pay you back!”

You ran to his side, snatching not just one but three condoms from his hands, and pushed Esteban - who was right by your side - on the way.

“Thanks for covering me up,” you said to him and Esteban just held your arm.

“Y/n!”

“Este, it’s a magnum trojan cock,” you raised the three condoms to his eyes. “I need this.”

His face softened and he released you with a head shake.

“Fine,” he rolled his eyes. “Have fun.”

Sam grabbed your hand as soon as you left the place and stuffed the condoms into his pocket with the reddest face you’d yet to see on him.

“Where are you staying?” he asked.

“In an RV,” you confessed. “But it’s really close to a motel and the place looks clean enough.”

He chuckled.

“You’re really a wandering soul, aren’t you?”

You just grinned.

“Yeah,” you nodded. “I kind of am.”

He looked around a bit.

“We can go to my dorm if you don’t mind?”

You shrugged.

“It’s good for me.”

. . .

"The Ways of Fate, Part 1" is a PDF Exclusive. To read it now, subscribe as a Space Explorer! You can also purchase it for $7, DM me about it!

. . .

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quietwingsinthesky · 4 months

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Sending hugs always!

Duende - Unusual power to attract or charm. Samwena!

Please and thank you!

prefacing this with the fact that i am so enamored with the concept of stanford era!sam/rowena. he deserves to get a little corrupted by her <3 anyway, I hope this is a fun read :)

There’s a baby hunter on her trail.

Of course she knows from the moment he picks up her scent. Hunters aren’t subtle men. She wonders if he ever figured out that she wasn’t there to talk to him on the edges of crime scenes purely by curious coincidence. She’s sure his suspicious hackles got raised, if not the second or third time, than the fourth, when Rowena got there before he did (and about three hours after she’d left the place to begin with, an unpaid debt reclaimed in a bloody but spectacular fashion.)

It’s not like she was trying very hard to hide. Rowena wants badly to be found by this one. She can’t resist overly baiting the trap.

When Sam follows her home, gun-toting and full of righteous anger, she’s ready for him. She’s well-dressed for the occasion, after noting exactly where his eyes lingered during their hushed chats speculating about the nature of the crimes he wouldn’t let slip he thought were more unnatural than they seemed and she teased with details only she could know about from committing them. When Sam sees her, his eyes dip first to the deep cut of her dress, and after a few seconds where his lips part and the tips of his ears go pink, he points his gun right there, aiming for her heart.

“Samuel,” she says. Part of her can’t help preening with pride for how easily he found her, even if she was helping. She’d thought it might take another week at least, but he’s gone beyond all expectation. “Why don’t you sit next to me?” She pats the empty space on the couch beside her, which, while enough to fit him, won’t give him any space to himself, just how she wants him. She drags her eyes over him approvingly. Why shouldn’t she have such easy access to him?

Sam doesn’t budge. Stubborn boy that he is. He is incandescent with rage that won’t do him a lick of good should Rowena simply wave her hand. A knife brought to a gun fight is still more effective than a gun to a witch fight.

“I’m going to stop you before you hurt anyone else,” Sam says. There’s the hunter in him, bullheaded to the end. Rowena feels her mouth pinch, her eyes narrow, and the most satisfying thing in the world is seeing Sam’s expression twitch, like her disapproval means something to him and he doesn’t want to let it show.

“I’m already finished. Be a dear, and put the gun down.” Sam ignores her request. She expected nothing else. She smiles. “Come tell me about these visions you’ve been having.” Sam stiffens from head to toe.

“I don’t have-” Rowena places a finger against her lips, and Sam goes quiet. No magic required, just a little suggestion.

“You wouldn’t have lived past my threshold if I didn’t find you fascinating, Sam Winchester,” she tells him. “Now, come sit. Tell me everything. Or are you really going to turn down an experienced witch helping you understand what you see? Are you willing to bet lives on it?” Sam swallows. She’s caught him, and her reward is going to be the sweetest thing she’s ever tasted. Once she softens him up a little, that is.

Sam shuffles forward, gun lowering. When he sits beside her, she gives him one more appreciative look-over.

Oh, she just has to keep him.

“Good boy,” she says. “Now, your visions.”

#ask #fanfiction #samwena #sam winchester #rowena macleod #as always and forevrr i always feel like i cant get rowena’s voice quite right T-T #but i try and thats what matters #anyway. sugar baby!sammy/witchy mentor!rowena so real to me #this also feels like. a little bit vaguely surrounding the prompt word rather than directly inspired by it?#if that makes sense #its the vibes. the vibes are there.

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sophieinwonderland · 1 year

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got any good resources on endogenic systems? our ex-host was very against them and I'm trying to get him to change his mind. anything at all would be helpful!! thank you in advance 🫶

Endogenic systems are... a pretty broad category. There are some who believe they're born multiple. There are some who say their plurality is spiritual. There are soulbonders and daemonists, and people with parts that became more distinct through IFS therapy.

To hopefully make things simpler, I'd like to focus on tulpamancy for now if you don't mind.

Here are two great articles that feature a mix of both personal experiences of tulpamancers, and some commentary on psychologists and psychiatrists.

On the personal experience side, one article that I found especially informative on the relationship between tulpamancy and DID was this one written by a DID system who was also a tulpamancer:

For a denser and more clinical paper, there's also always this paper by Samuel Veissiere, a psychiatry professor at Stanford University:

These are good starting places for this one specific type of plurality. But tulpas are only a small piece of the endogenic community, and most endogenic systems aren't intentionally created like tulpas are.

Still, hope these help!

If anyone wants to add their own resources here, please do!

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richincolor · 10 months

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New Releases for the Week of August 14, 2023

As summer winds down, we hope you are finding a lot of great books to read. We found two more to watch for this week.

Forgive Me Not by Jenn Baker Nancy Paulsen Books

All it took was one night and one bad decision for fifteen-year-old Violetta Chen-Samuels’ life to go off the rails. After driving drunk and causing the accident that kills her little sister, Violetta is incarcerated. As a juvenile offender, her fate is in the hands of those she’s wronged—her family. With their forgiveness, she could go home. But without it? Well…

Denied their forgiveness, Violetta is now left with two options, neither good—remain in juvenile detention for an uncertain sentence or participate in the Trials, potentially regaining her freedom and what she wants most of all, her family’s love. But the Trials are no easy feat and in the quest to prove her remorse, Violetta is forced to confront not only her family’s pain, but her own—and the question of whether their forgiveness is more important than forgiving herself. — Cover image and summary via Goodreads

A Quantum Life (Adapted for Young Adults): My Unlikely Journey from the Street to the Stars by Hakeem Oluseyi and Joshua Horwitz Delacorte Press

A NASA astrophysicist narrates his improbable journey from an impoverished childhood and an adolescence mired in drugs and crime to the nation’s top physics PhD program at Stanford in this inspiring coming-of-age memoir.

Born into extreme poverty and emotional deprivation, James Edward Plummer was blessed with a genius I.Q. and a love of science. But in his community, a young bookworm quickly becomes a target for violence and abuse. As he struggles to survive his childhood in some of the toughest cities in the country, and his teenage years in the equally poor backwoods of Mississippi, James adopts the hybrid persona of a “gangsta nerd”–dealing weed in juke joints while winning state science fairs with computer programs that untangle the mysteries of Einstein’s relativity theory.

When his prodigious intellect gains him admission to the elite Physics PhD program at Stanford University, James finds himself torn between his love of science and a dangerous crack cocaine habit he developed in college. With the encouragement of his mentor Art Walker, the lone Black faculty member in the physics department, James finally seizes his dream of a life in science and becomes his true adult self, changing his name to Hakeem Muata Oluseyi in honor–and celebration–of his African heritage.

In the tradition of The Autobiography of Malcolm X and The Other Wes Moore, A Quantum Life is an uplifting journey to the stars fueled by hope, hustle, and a hungry mind. As he charts his development as a young scientist, Oluseyi also plumbs the mysteries of the universe where potential personal outcomes are as infinite as the stars in the sky. — Cover image and summary via Goodreads

#young adult books #new releases

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sastielbb · 2 years

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Bang Round-up for 2022

As always, thank you so much to our participants. You've made some wonderful Sastiel stories and artwork. Congratulations to all of you for passing the finish line!

If you haven’t had a chance to enjoy all our content this year, you’ll find the Masterlist below for every piece created for this round of the bang:

Link to this round's AO3 collection

the impression of wings by Museaway | art by MidnightSilver On his eighteenth birthday, Sam is saved from a car accident by a strange light he’s been able to see since infancy.

Quantum Entanglement by WaneMoose | art by Emmatheslayer A few days after Sam Winchester completes the second Trial to close the Gates of Hell, he prays to Castiel to confess all of the fears and insecurities he cannot tell anyone else. At first Castiel listens, invisible, but the Trials have fundamentally altered Sam in ways that neither could anticipate. Both Sam and Cas perceive each other as their true selves, entangled within the intimate act of prayer.

Finding Home by Karategirl80 | art by Kingstoken Castiel knew when Kelly arranged for him to be Jack's guardian after her death, that he was in for an adventure. What he wasn't expecting was for Kelly's ex husband, Lucifer, to challenge him for guardianship of Jack. Despite mer-people and selkies not having the best of relationships, his research leads him to Samuel Winchester-a selkie lawyer known for being the best in solving custody disputes. As Castiel and Sam work together to build a case against Lucifer, they also find themselves orbiting in each other's company--although they must stay apart to ensure they don't give Lucifer's legal team any material to use against them.

Where They're Meant to Be (No Regrets) by Catxx | art by Pasta_n00dles Sam and Cas are raising toddler Jack. They are on vacation together with Jody, Donna and the girls. The girls are determined to get Cas and Sam together before the trip ends.

Return to Love by l_P_o_R_v_2_e_4 | art by ncdover1285 Castiel’s existence started in darkness. When he stood up and found himself in a cemetery, he tried to remember how he got there…but it was all blank. His ghostly form was suddenly flung miles away into a rather large attic and stuck there for over a hundred years. That was until 2021, when Gabriel Novak inherited the house and invited Sam Winchester over for a date.

Once Upon A Blue Moon by AvalonSilver | art by Kingstoken Shortly after Gadreel's exit, Cas and Sam spend time in the Bunker so Cas can heal him. With trepidation, Cas also returns a memory that Sam doesn't know he'd lost years ago. It’s an old memory of a chance meeting with Jimmy Novak when Sam was nineteen and on his way to Stanford. The memory's effect on Sam is one neither had been expecting.

A Body Of Proof by lordofsoup | art by Pasta_n00dles Sam's sickness worsens after the second trial, resulting in him being rushed to the hospital, the extensive damage has left Sam drained of his fight. To continue with the trials Sam must allow Castiel to heal him, by possessing him. While having an alien home under his skin is nothing new for Sam, Castiel's constant presence unwittingly unburies a host of issues. Two people desperate for forgiveness in the same skin should get crowded at times but between the nightmares, the sickness, and the blood; there are some cookies, a quiet beach on the coast of Oregon, and a chance at something new between them.

#sastiel #sastiel big bang 2022 #sastiel masterlist

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zalrb · 1 year

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All I’ll say is that (s1-6) Dean is, of course, very flawed but one thing to consider when it comes to the discussion around him being controlling of Sam, is that external forces repeatedly tell him that he needs to take care of Sam/watch out for Sam or else.

In season 2, John is like, ‘save Sam or else’

In season 4 Cas is like, ‘stop Sam or else’

In season 5, after Dean separated from Sam and was actually happy on his own

Zachariah shows him a future where Sam said ‘yes’ to Lucifer and his future self explains that he doesn’t know why Sam said ‘yes’ since they hadn’t spoken to each other in five years

and this time travel happens after Dean rejected Sam’s offer to take on the apocalypse together

so this isn’t Dean’s spin on things, the narrative leads us to believe that Lucifer succeeding in possessing Sam and Dean and Sam not speaking are correlated, so it kind of becomes:

Keep an eye on Sam or else he’ll become the literal devil.

In season 6, Sam was without Dean for a year and in that year, didn’t have a soul and ended up working for Crowley without realizing it

and it sort of became Dean needs to watch Sam or else he’ll do something like try and kill Bobby

Now, it could be argued that if Dean hadn’t insisted on getting Sam’s soul back after Sam told him not to then Bobby wouldn’t have been in danger in the first place except that’s not actually true, soulless Sam killed civilians in the line of duty

(and it’s implied that he killed a dog)

which means no one was actually safe around him because he had no loyalty, empathy, compassion or qualms, and if Dean wasn’t around insisting that Sam wasn’t acting like Sam, that something sketchy was going on with Samuel, then who knows how long it would’ve been before that unravelled and who knows how many other people he would’ve hurt.

There is narrative pressure put on Dean to constantly watch out for him because Sam doesn’t make the best choices.

Even when Sam does get his soul back, he doesn’t heed Dean’s warnings and then this happens

Sam says one of the reasons he went with Ruby was to get away from Dean because he didn’t just feel like his kid brother, and I’m not saying that I don’t see that angle (and maybe in another post I’ll talk about that angle) but he started the psychic exorcising and demon blood when Dean was in hell, he was already on that road before Dean came back.

It’s more accurate to say he went back to it because he genuinely thought he knew better, he genuinely thought it was the most effective way to stop the opening of the seals and Dean proved that he wouldn’t entertain Sam’s ideas when it came to using his abilities and he felt stifled, but let’s not pretend Dean was the only one resolutely against what he was doing

Another thing is that, yes, a lot of the time, Dean doesn’t initially handle things gracefully, which is a huge part of why Sam ends up keeping secrets from him

but I think that we should also consider that that’s how people deal with Dean, even in quasi-happy moments like with Ellen:

Even Bobby, who is set up to be the antithesis of John in a lot of ways i.e. Sam can start the apocalypse and Bobby will say he will never cut him out

Sam simply wants to go to Stanford and John tells him never to come back

he isn’t all that gentle with Dean

he yells at him, he manhandles him a bit, particularly when he’s scared for him

this is the culture that they operate in, this is the culture he was raised in so that, combined with Dean’s inability to deal with his emotions, means that he isn’t also isn’t gentle all the time.

Just wanted to bring this up, I saw this post about how Dean wouldn’t explore Sam’s psychic abilities with him in season 2, he shunned him and made him feel bad and that led to Sam keeping secrets from him, making him go down a darker path with Ruby, which is an interpretation I can understand because you see when Dean unintentionally makes Sam feel bad

(which he tries to - badly - rectify)

though I think even from Sam’s perspective there’s a bit more there, but from Dean’s perspective, even before he knew of the demon blood, he knew that the psychic powers started with something evil i.e. Azazel and that pretty much all of the kids they met who explored their powers ended up going dark-side,

which is something Sam insists upon himself even when Dean is trying to be optimistic about it

then there’s Gordon who is hunting those kids down and who is hellbent on killing Sam

and then there’s the culture of hunters which is very black-and-white. When Meg possesses Sam and kills a hunter, Bobby tells him and Dean to get out of town quickly because the hunter’s friends won’t look at the nuances of the situation

so in Dean’s mind, who knows what other hunters will do once they find out a demon has plans for his psychic kid brother,

So, Dean is scared out of his mind with no roadmap on how to handle this, no help from John, in this hunter culture with a brother tied to a demon, it makes sense that his response was like, just don’t use your powers and we’ll be fine.

If he had the emotional and psychological tools to treat Sam more gently then he probably would’ve and I say that because in season 6, he tries that approach in the best way he knows how

Now, this isn’t all to say that Dean can’t be stubborn and stifling and tactless but I think the first few seasons anyway do a good job in showing both brothers’ perspectives and motivations and I think it’s way more complicated than Dean is a master manipulator who just wants Sam to himself (which is something I originally wanted to push back on in this post but tumblr keeps shutting it down so that might be another one depending on how I feel) and will control him every chance he gets because he’s a megalomaniac

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