#send me things because i get emotional

[artekai]

HZD was such a magical experience. It was a game about the apocalypse, but it still left me feeling hopeful by the end, twisting the despair it made me feel over its past into something like appreciation for everything we still have. It was a game about life and death, about nature and both its vulnerability and its resilience, about how technology can be used for either good or bad, about how it could destroy us but also save us depending on how we use it. It was a game about GAIA and Elisabet's love for the world (and each other), it was about a lonely queer girl's personal quest to find her mother that turned into a quest to save her homeworld, it was the story of an outcast who became the chosen one she never wanted to be, who went from carrying the weight of negative expectations to the weight of positive ones on her shoulders, it was about showcasing both the best and the worst of humanity, while still reassuring us that the effort we put into this world is worth it, even against impossible odds, because this is a world worth fighting for, and there might always be bad but there will also always be good, and life on Earth is worth protecting.

It was so deeply beautiful and moving and at the end of the day it was just a game. I wish I could play it for the first time again

#this hope and sappiness is so uncharacteristic of me... i guess this game really does bring out things i didn't know i had in me huh. #of course i never thought hzd was perfect but.... it had such a strong emotional core that i really miss #yes i listened to sad machine and started crying about gaia again. how do you know? #because i only get this emotional about hzd when i listen to sad machine? ah yes of course. #i mean this is THE song that really sends me back and puts me in the mindset i was in when i was finishing the game for the first time.... #maybe i should just replay hzd and pretend i don't know anything about it. i could use the pick-me-up #but i don't WANNA replay it i just wanna relive that first experience :( i miss her i just want her back #i'm just gonna keep crying for now brb #ramble #hzd

[ccbatman]

I once said that I thought Steph would make a great Black Canary, and I still think that's one of the realest takes I've ever had.

Like, this moment seared itself into my head and never faded:

{ Robin 80-Page Giant }

#stephanie brown #dinah lance #spoiler #black canary #me learning about how dinah lost her cry which was as much BULLSHIT as steph's death btw okay hold on i need to get this out of my system #because they had to nerf her SO HARD for that to make sense and it STILL DIDNT BECAUSE ?????? SHE'S THE BLACK CANARY???? THAT GUY WAS A #NOBODY WITH A KNIFE ARE YOU JOKING??? and then the story that follows isnt even really ABOUT dinah it's about ollie and im so. ohhhh my god #JUST like how steph's death was largely brished aside to deal with bruce and jason's angst like. yeah i wanted there to be angst but it #wouldve been nice if it had been about HER for more than five seconds. honestly im so mixed about her death and return tbh. the way they #went about her passing was so weirdly inconsistent through the issues that bruce managing to get her to leslie in time does make sense but #then they do that weird thing with leslie and it's like ???? wha???? i go back and forth on how i feel about steph's return. on one hand i #love how she comes back more focused and stronger largely by her own means but on the other i did want #... something. i wanted her to be angry a bit longer and to deal with the complicated emotions between her 'failing' and bruce's 'failing' #and what that meant for her now. idk i love her batgirl run but it wouldve been nice if she had a bit more space to grieve herself. #anyway later in this issue dinah agrees to mentor steph for a bit and her rules are pretty much the same as bruce's when he made her robin #and if dinah had mentored steph instead of bruce she never would've died ok send tweet #wjshshsk #i love the panels of them looking at each other. dinah looking into steph's eyes and recognising the look in them. #i love how she smiles at stephanie both times. it's so gentle and kind. ily black canary #love posting on blogs where no one follows me. i can just say shit

[queer-reader-07]

something about finding the people who sit through your info dumps with joy on their face and enthusiasm for your passions. something about finding the people who info dump right back at you because they know you love hearing about their passions. something about finding the people who manage to sum up your being in one niche, oddly specific sentence that lives in your mind rent free for the rest of time. something about finding the people who not only accept you for who you are but embrace you for who you are. who not only tolerate your quirks and differences but love and cherish them.

#i’m in my feels today if you couldn’t tell #just thinking about one friend in particular who i don’t get to see in person nearly enough but i text all the time #idk it’s the little things #the way we send each other videos of ourselves explaining whatever we’re learning about right now #the way we don’t write it in a long message because the emotion and vibes don’t translate properly #the way he’s told me that the way i dress is so gender nonconforming in his eyes #how even though i’m afab and i wear glittery makeup and crop tops and have pink hair #i still look so queer and so gnc and so Not Girl in his eyes #how that felt so validating #how i could feel the genuine love in his words #how he told me once that i’m ‘not a person with lore but rather a person with a schtick’ #and how he explained to me what my schtick was and how accurate it was #how he told me he can’t wait for me to get my degree(s) and be an openly queer person in stem #how he can’t wait for me to defend my thesis sometime in the future and be wearing the brightest makeup and the biggest earrings #and the tallest boots #how he loves that i go to my chem lab every week with glitter on my eyes #how it’s cool that i don’t care if i stick out like a sore thumb because i’m me #i remember how he dropped the she/her pronouns immediately upon ne saying i didn’t really vibe with them #(even when they were still technically on my list of ‘ok to use pronouns’) #how his boyfriend who i don’t know very well has always they/them-ed me because my friend does #and if my friend is doing it then it must be the right thing #idk i just love my friends #and this friend in particular is someone i’ve gotten really close with over the past 6 months or so #and i’m so glad to have him in my life #platonic love #friendship #tell your friends you love them

[innytoes]

Willie Ship of your choice and Pokemon AU?

The problem with living in a town with a gym, Reggie thought, was that every passing by would-be Pokemon master thought literally everyone with a Pokemon wanted to battle. It was exhausting. Especially when they wouldn't take no for an answer.

Listen, was it stupid for Reggie to try and punch out a Geodude? Yes, but it was better than trying to punch out a twelve year old. Probably. The twelve year old probably wouldn't have given him what felt like a black eye. And he had to act fast, because the Pokemon had been rapidly approaching his cowering Jolteon.

"What the hell were you thinking?" Alex asked as he came to on what appeared to be a park bench. It wasn't very comfy, except for his head, which was pillowed on something.

"That Sparky is a rescue, and if she doesn't want to fight, she shouldn't have to," he said, gently petting the Jolteon who was nuzzling her nose under his hand anxiously. "It's okay baby, nobody's going to hurt you."

Both of Reggie's Pokemon were rescues. His very first, a Growlithe puppy he'd found out in the rain when he was fifteen, was a constant companion. Reggie wasn't sure what had happened to it before he got him, but Buddy didn't particularly like fighting. He shied away from battles, and it took Reggie ages to realise why he always cowered behind his legs in a certain part of town. The part near the gym.

They'd worked on that, and getting his confidence up in general. Buddy was a happy Pokemon now, though he still didn't like battles. The only time Reggie had ever seen him fight was to protect Reggie, and to help him kick Sparky's owner's ass. Anyone that would raise his hand against his own Pokemon didn't deserve them. They did, however, deserve a black eye, a stolen Jolteon, and singed pair of jeans.

With a groan, he sat up, laughing when Buddy hopped on the bench and started anxiously licking at his face. "I'm okay, Bud," he promised. "What happened? Did Whitney put them to sleep?" That was their usual strategy, when trainers wouldn't stop bothering them. You couldn't start a Pokemon fight if you were too asleep to grab your Pokeballs.

Alex' emotional support Jigglypuff chirped at him from Alex' backpack.

"I was going to, but..."

"Yeah, sorry, Ziggy and I stepped in first," a new voice said from behind him. Reggie turned and blinked. Apparently, the comfortable thing his head had been pillowed on was this gorgeous stranger's lap. He had beautiful long dark hair, killer cheekbones, and just about the cutest Zigzagoon Reggie had ever seen draped over his shoulders like a fancy stole.

"I- uh- that's..." Really hot, Reggie wanted to say.

Sparky nudged his hand again, pointy fur prickling under his fingers. "Thanks," Reggie managed. He looked up at Alex, who seemed equally flustered at this hot stranger who just rocked up and saved them both, and then waited with them until Reggie regained consciousness.

"Are you... a trainer?" Reggie asked, carefully. He didn't seem to have any Pokeballs on his belt, just the Zigzagoon wrapped around his neck. But if he defeated that kid's entire arsenal, that Zigzagoon was probably powerful as heck.

"No," the guy said quickly. Ziggy nuzzled his cheek gently. "I... not anymore. Ziggy and I are just... travelling."

"Thank you for saving us," Alex said sincerely.

"If you're new in town," Reggie said, not wanting the guy to leave now that he was awake again. "Maybe we could show you the best places to get food?"

The man's guarded look changed into a beautiful smile. "I'd like that, yeah," he agreed. "I'm Willie."

In the end, Willie decided to stick around a lot longer than he planned, and Reggie and Alex never had to worry about pushy Pokemon Trainers again. Their boyfriend and his badass Zigzagoon had them covered.

#julie and the phantoms #pokemon au #fanfic #AUs are awesome #reggiexalexxwillie #I wrote a thing #special thanks to Rio for helping me pick Willie's pokemon #does he have a tragic 'I ran away working for an abusive gym leader' backstory we're not getting into? Mayhaps #ziggy is probably like level 99 or something stupid #caleb would make Willie train him against all his ghost pokemon to keep them sharp #also I love the idea of Reggie 1) only having rescue pokemon and 2) choosing violence when people hurt them #like he's not going to send his fire-breathing dog to fight your animals he is gonna PUNCH *YOU* if you hurt a pokemon #yes alex has an emotional support jigglypuff she sings him to sleep when he can't because of Anxiety #I haven't watched pokemon in like 20 years but this was fun

[throttlegainwell]

It's like I blink and another WIP manifests...

#writing tag #i'm not actually sure whether i'll write this one because it's *very* outside my typical range #i don't usually write substance abuse stories #but it just feels very plausible to me in a very sad way #but i'd like to approach it from a non-sensationalizing and non-angsty direction where the whole thing kind of sneaks up on him #and it's not super dark in tone just mature #i dunno i've gotta work out logistics but it's not a priority WIP just an idea #i think it goes without saying that this is yet more sad shit i'm planning to put one jonathan byers through #he's just the one character i've gotten really into where i'm interested in exploring this and see it very clearly #and he could slide into a real problem without anyone noticing #(totally outside the pot i'm thinking more a scrip for the back injury that turns into a problem from not addressing it) #(so a few years down the line the UD shit is over but he finally gets an MRI and yikes) #it'd be really a lot to write emotionally though and i'd want to get the balance right & not be gross and exploitative #because holy shit are there a lot of really horrific & cruel opinions on substance use and with opioids in particular #anyway i dunno i've just sort of been thinking about it all year #and like i know i keep sending him to therapy in my future fics #but what if he doesn't work on his shit y'know? what if he just keeps on keeping on like he knows #and through a combination of unresolved emotional wounds and very real chronic pain... well you know

[chryzuree]

like, i’m sorry, but when you really think abt it, the aurora hate makes 0 sense. she was a teenage girl thrown forward thousands of years in time (already fucking stressful). add to this the fact that she had a twin brother. she was very close to him. he died protecting her. he came back a monster. he was left out of the Great Family Reunion Sleepover because of it, so he lived those years. and it puts a wall up between him and aurora, for multiple reasons. 1) he became a feared assassin leader and developed his powers and learned to live as a lone survivor after his family abandoned him (i personally believe aurora would’ve fought tooth and nail to try and stay with her twin, so it wasn’t abandonment on purpose on her part). 2) for aurora, her brother died and came back wrong because of her and that happened to her, like, last week. she has not gotten over that trauma. she probably feels incredibly guilty over it still, and she’s definitely scared that castor might hate her over it. they’re jst not emotionally nor psychologically on the same level and it’s rlly heartbreaking.

#memorie.txt #p.fated #aurora is… i’m sorry i get rlly emotional over her. #im doomed to love characters that authors and fandoms alike hate because she’s ’getting in the way of the ship’ #consider that.. she literally jst woke up. last week. that’s incredibly disorienting. also she’s a teenager. #the things she did were pretty juvenile villain work all things considered. she’s jst a teenage girl like i do not know what to say #i’m an aurora defender but more than that im an aurora nurturer. #i think abt her and start crying #i jst rlly rlly rlly get caught up on the sibling relationship and how i wish i could see it!!!!!!!!!!! #i feel so fucking CHEATED because NO WAY castor did not IMMEDIATELY spend all his time w his twin sister #i……………………. #i don’t know if im making sense btw but like you get me. right. right? #maybe i’ll rb that voice note ask thing again & somebody can send in smth abt aurora because im NOT well abt her

[agentravensong]

well, i did it! i watched the prince, finally!

i wonder how many of my hamlet castmates i can convince to get a nebula subscription

#the prince play #abigail thorn #philosophy tube #shakespeare #theatre #i'll prob have to watch it again over spring break (got a midterm to work on until then) #it was really good though. not exactly what i was expecting. and that's good! #the staging was clever and the performances were great and it was funny #and yes it did make me feel things #i feel like i should have more to say but my brain's still processing #VAGUE EARLY SPOILERS but #as far as what i was expecting: i'd thought the emotional core would be between sam and jen ala ros & guil #but really it's between jen and hotspur (at least imo). and it's good! #sam and jen are a version of guil and ros where they didn't have each other from the get-go #where one has been at this for a while and has more adjusted to how this goes and the other is fresh to it #and it's interesting how that affects things (while they each still have that clear guil and ros component at their respective cores) #it'd be super depressing if they still only had each other to turn to. but they don't! #because jen - facing this all at once - has a wider view and is able to see the others are as much victims of fate as them two #and - well i don't want to spoil. but i like the message it ends up sending. it's a good show :)

[savage-rhi]

I'm very much a, "fuck yeah and fuck you, I don't need validation! I'm me, cunts!" kinda fella, but sometimes I could use support.

#today i fucked up by reactivating my fb account which i haven't done in 2 yrs just to check on some folks id been sending good thought to #place is depressing everyone is miserable and everything feels fake and my mind is like #LOL this is why we left bitch byeeee #so i deactivated again went to work and idc what anyone says there are folks like me that can and do feel the energy and emotions coming of #people and it can fucking suck especially when so many are disregulated so i got a sensory overload and boss was nice enough to let me take #a bunch of breaks today and even scream in her office cause She Gets It (TM) #the weather is rainy and cold i'm getting so many fibro flares idk how i'm moving anymore #ive missed so many days of work already and it's not even fully winter yet i still have my job and im thankful i have an understanding team #but that doesnt pay the bills im still trying to find a way to pay for that doctor appointment coming up #graduate courses began for college and i think i'm gonna be okay but damn did they throw too much info all at once at me and that made #my adhd brain go WELL SHIT #ive been feeling incredibly lonely and not wanted in so many spaces that im struggling to even communicate with the few that i know do #love me for me and nothing else im trying so so so hard to keep being there for people and to keep loving #people that need it cause i don't ever want another human being to ever feel as miserable and unwanted as i have felt #but im also tired because i feel like thats all anyone ever sees me as just this being that can take their woes away and make them feel #amazing and i love that i can do that and listen to so many traumatic stories and help folks process that trauma my boss and many throughou #life have told me i have a gift for healing people and a vibe to me thats different than most and it feels good being around me but today i #just felt like people keep taking and taking and taking and i dont expect anything back thats not who i am id rather give than receive #but damn it i just wish someone could just give me the biggest hug in the world dont even have to say a thing just hold me and be present #and hold space for me to just feel weightless id cherish that more than anything in the world right now #on a positive note... #my dinosaur vo stuff got traction im getting a new cosplay put together i havent done that in 4 years i got to pet a wild deer i made #a coworker laugh so hard his juice went out his nose and my boss peed a little #im slowly taming another wild flock of turkeys and i got a bag of my favorite takis the guacamole flavor #i got a lot to be thankful for and i acknowledge it #but damn it im tired #thank you for coming to my Ted Talk rant and rave #if you made it this far: you're an incredible human being and i love you #please go treat yo self to something nice and know i love you for you

[that-was-anticlimactic]

sometimes i think about my mutuals. and then. i want to hug them.

#idk nothing happened i'm just in a friendship mood right now #like one of those moods when i want to cry because y'all are RIGHT THERE but also SO FAR AWAY #and i talk about y'all ALL THE TIME #today someone mentioned that they couldn't find any good s.t fanfics so i sent them nellie and kaylynn's fics and i was emotional #it's so wild how we've never met each other but we know so much about each other #the fact that so many of y'all have genuinely let me send you letters is just... so wild to me (affectionate) bc i was honestly expecting no #one to want that??? but y'all did and i get to write you letters and y'ALL RESPOND??? and i have a shelf in my closet dedicated to y'all's #letters and just. frick. 'motional. #it's times like these when i'm like wow m.lp really made me get so emotional about friendship but that isn't really a bad thing - i actually #really love how much i care about friendship even though i'm so bad at making friends and it just sucks that y'all are so far away #internet friendships are my favorite thing but also one of the most excruciating things because. you're here but you Aren't #tho nothing beats the feeling of meeting an internet friend irl... i know i am going to absolutely SOB when i meet shannon... #we've been friends since 2013 and have never met... we're planning it some day. we are Determined. #i have a picture of shannon hung up in my apt lol #ahem uhhhh anyways sorry for this. idk. just emotional about friendship right now ig #mutuals my beloved tag

[shitbrainratface]

Srry i am very chatty today but i noticed the pipeline of

I want to die -> I want to be someone else -> I want to be me with a different life -> I want the plans I've made in my life to be easier to fulfill and that I could be more sure that I even can fulfill them

to be such a huge improvement and I'm proud

/ok to rb

#i find it funny when i talk about the state i am in and ppl seem so sad #like oh you cant drive oh you cant live on your own oh you need a caregiver... i wish you a good recovery #bitch i am recovered! just because my best point is worse than your lowest point doesnt mean i havent made huge steps #or like i talk about my insecurities #and theyre like well i hope you feel better about yourself #nonono its a good thing! because I get up and I look in the mirror and I feel negative emotion and thats it #i dont insult myself i dont feel dread or suicidal about it anymore #i just feel bad! and that bad feeling doesnt even last the rest of the day - I can forget about it easily now! #like ik ''i dislike how i look'' is sad for a lot of people but like... its such an improvement from ''if i look in a mirror i suddenly #develope delusions that my appearance is causing my girlfriend to cheat on me and that everyone wants me dead'' #its honestly like... i was talking with a trans woman who was thinking of coming out and transitioning #and she was like ''but im scared that i wont like the way i look #and everyone says i will but what if i dont'' #and i told her ''you have no idea how freeing it is to look in the mirror & dislike the way you look & still be happy and proud of your #physical changes'' #''imagine seeing yourself and instead of wanting to cry and scream and kill someone you go 'eh could be better' and then feel fine the rest #of the day'' #and the best part: I fully accept that there are other people who can find me attractive now #if i take a nude and i think it sucks then I send it anyways bc hey they see something in me that i cant and thats wonderful #and she said it really helped her bc that reality seemed so much more attainable than sudden radical self love #and maybe some day i will love myyself and love my appearance but even just where I am right now I think its pretty good #just.... i can not stress how freeing it is to be okay with yourself after a life time of thinking my appearance was the end of the world #im not going to lie - i am still incredibly jealous of hot ppl especially hot ppl who get a lot of compliments #but atleast being around hot people doesnt trigger me into a defensive scared mess anymore

[good-beans]

✨️💖

#just feeling good ;-; #though ive still been bad at reaching out to people ive made a big effort to be better with replying/engaging when i can #and its been so nice #ive met some new lovely people and chatted over mp100 and art #and found an fe pal to just chill and brainstorm with #and one of my friends from an opposite timezone texted me and asked how a big school thing went even though it was so late for them #and dont even get me started on the insane emotion of 'i saw this and am sending it because i thought of you' like im gonna cry #i was invited to a friendsgiving with people i hadnt seen in a while and made some real nice new connections #and have been getting emails from a lovely writer from school about the craft #idk what the point of this is i think im just grateful #ive felt so socially disconnected of late and worried i havent been reaching out enough #so to have all these people being so kind and friendly despite it all just reminds me its all okay #and ill be myself again soon but even if im not im surrounded by kind kind people #shhhh im sappy and full of love but dont tell anyone #rose rambles

[strawberrypaw]

my stepmother’s emotional state never stops amazing me

#why are you like that...... how are you like that and still alive #finally aged out of my dads health insurance and i guess they got the notification of this in their mail #because my dad is the policy holder therefore they sent it to His address #but it since it had my name on it my stepmother stuffed the whole thing into one of those big orange envelopes #and payed money to send it to me with a note that said ''change your mailing address.'' #bonnie.... i changed my mailing address to my boyfriends parents house when i was like 17 lmao.... #i have not received mail to your house in nearly a decade........... #she hates me soo so much even a reminder that i exist is enough to send her into a passive aggressive rage #im sorry???? you made a decision as a full grown middle aged woman??? #to marry a man who traumatized himself abusing his first wife so hard she offed herself to get away from him?????? #and that this trauma manifests as a very weird emotional projection of his guilt and grief onto his dead wife's daughter #sorry you're aware of the fact that you are an emotional band aid for an irredeemably fucked up man and mean nothing to him comparatively??? #you got married in the same church they held my mother's funeral in not even 9 months after she died.... #i really don't know what you thought you were getting lmao #mau

[leatherbookmark]

ok time to DL and watch the last kp... the “plot” part has just begun so idk how they intend to figure it out in one episode but. its kp

#liveshrimping #i'm saying this without malice and like. respect and love to y'all but i kinda can't believe i was so scared of it consuming my brain #but then again you never know. i didn't get into woh (or rather did a bit but then episode... 14 i think? happened and i ragequit that shit #so fucking fast lmao) but i did have Brain Full of the loki show/ofmd for a couple of weeks so. the state of the brain is as unpredictable #as the weather at this point #hmm i kinda wish porsche's reaction to vegaspete wasn't just punching vegas and... that's it... #i know the word 'trust' has no meaning in this series but like #this dude tortured your friend and you think one punch is enough? #like WE the audience know that vegas feels shrimp emotions about pete but porsche has two things: #the Entirety of pete's body (and the way he didn't want to say who hurt him) and vegas' own words #what if vegas was a bigger asshole and really wanted to fuck pete up? what THEN buddy #sigh. #the way kinn says 'dad what's this about?' makes it sound like he has absolutely no idea about porsche's parents because porsche didn't tell #very. telling. of their relationship :0 #1. porsche should have started with 'where's evidence for everything you've just told me?' #2. an influential mafioso sends a dude to take care of and protect his sister's family. the dude's a gambler #NO WONDER THE IMPORTANT MAFIA STUFF ARE LIKE. BREAD EVENTS #could kan be any more villainous? unclear (no) #in love with kan waiting patiently until (squints) chan pulls out his own gun #also in love with kun looking like a gay dad on holidays. he really sauntered into the main family house like this #and said 'i'm here to pay respects to my dead brother' dude. #in all aspects but physical you're holding a pina colada #see the lil robot with a bomb and marbles would be cute and fun if it was a series about like. #a club of high schoolers. maybe university students #but afaik this is. a mafia family. fucking help me #fuck yes erika you're the one i'm rooting for #is he wearing headphones on hair full of dye? i swear to fuck...

[asktransakirakurusu]

Akira... That's... Not a very healthy mentality to have about needing help

Everyone I care about relies on me. I'm... Sort of the one in charge in the friend group. It's my job to have it together and help them.

#(sometimes I get frustrated when characters I write are bad at things because I write them that way) #(like identifying emotions) #(poor boy is afflicted with the horrible disease of Being 16) #persona 5 #persona 5 akira #ask #ask me anything #send asks #persona 5 mc #answered ask #akira kurusu

[strwbrymlkshake]

I don't think I've ever been in a relationship this healthy before I don't know what to do 💀

#mine #🎸 #DUDE my feelings are so weird like i cant even describe them cause theyre all over the place. im hoping someone sees this and sends me an #ask or something with advice if this is even gonna make sense. because i am so confused lmfao #First of all im always expecting something to go wrong so i feel like it might be the absence of Problems thats throwing me off #But he reassures me all the time and genuinely cares about me? in regards to my last post we talked about it and he comforted me #i feel like im kind of in an emotional limbo where im still processing everything. my yan moments make appearances more than my dere #i feel so cringe saying that as a native english speaker. well im here to express my feelings not to be judged <3 #but i definitely FEEL the jealousy more. like i exhibit both equally but im more emotional in a bad way than a good way #but its not cause of anything hes doing at all! hes perfect?! i dont know how to handle it!! i only know how to be jealous #at least if im mean im not as likely to get hurt and thats why im afraid to feel lovey things as much??? im making myself sound like #a bastard but ive just been feeling more anxiety and getting worried about Relationship Stuff and that kills the vibes #but he doesnt even mind he doesnt treat my problems like a burden. he isnt sick of them he doesnt abandon me. he loves me and i am still so #bewildered? like. hes the nicest guy ive ever dated. ill gush about new people i meet but they do have flaws. i just dont acknowledge them #because im so blinded by idolization. but for this one ive thought everything out i have PONDERED for so long and he really is just such a #good person. how? WHY?? he has not done anything wrong and its just my mental illness that causes ALL the problems. but he wants to #BE there and comfort me. what the fuck my brain is like short circuiting. people this nice exist? he doesnt want to use me?? #and ofc this is all in the romantic sense. i still have friends that i value very much but this post is focused on romance #watch me say all this then he does something horrible. <-SEE IM SO NEGATIVE i expect things to go wrong #my main problem is im confused about my feelings they feel very tangled and muddled. im happy of course but i feel like the part of me that #feels romantic happiness/genuine satisfaction is all fucked up and broken. but he doesnt mind that im this way 🥲 WHY #HE ASSURES ME EVERYTHINGS OKAY he is there for me he cares about me but i cant wrap my head around it! im. this is so weird #one of my goals is to be less focused on being insane and actually get things done. w all my relationships i have a time blur thing #where i feel like time passes differently even more than it does for me. im just thinking so much bruh #right i think i was gonna go about getting adderall because of the everything all the time. im feeling numb but also #literally every emotion all at once. and it consumes me and my waking thoughts. i guess it was easier to ignore before?

[jimines]

.

#this is just a little vent/update on some stupid shit going on on here regarding someone i won’t name #but i need to talk about it and vent bc im so frustrated at this whole thing #so i cut a friend off recently.. told them in a *very* heated message how i felt about all the terrible shit they'd said and done recently #and demanded they do not try to contact me anymore and blocked them immediately after #no surprise 5mins later i got two anons from them in my inbox trying to start a fight however i blocked the IP after those two #i even went so far as to disable my webpage for a few days to try and deter them both from sending anons and from stalking my page #and i shouldnt have had to unblock them to tell them for the second time to leave me alone and to stop trying to start things with me #because the last time we argued it was six weeks of emotional damage that i am still really messed up from #after all this it was radio silence - or so i thought #because i've received word now twice that this person has been saying untrue things to friends of friends #trying to start drama and rumours all because i cut them off and they didn't get that fight and that last word they so desperately need ? #i just…why? why why why? why does everything have to become a drama? this is why narcissists scare me.. #it took me over a year to realize thats what they are and that id been manipulated so fucking bad.. which is nothing short of embarassing #the way this anxiety has been weighing on my chest lately and dulling my time here is something that shouldnt be happening #im so so tired of all of it.. the drama and the fights and the rumours.. i physically cannot go through this kind of thing again #idk if anyone is reading this but im sorry for being so absent and unresponsive and (often times) really negative on my blog #its just so hard to be happy and positive and excited when this potential drama is looming over me day after day ya know? #im trying to push through and be here because i genuinely WANT to be here but its so fucking exhausting sometimes im constantly paranoid #i pray things will come to a rest and nothing will explode bc mentally i cannot take it anymore and i wont be sticking around in that case #i refuse to put myself through the emotional trauma that nicole put me through again. i REFUSE. so if i suddenly deactivate this is why. #but i wont be going down alone thats for sure #c.text