#she made it a full-time job

[demigods-posts]

headcanon that tyson thinks percy and annabeth are married. like, he's fully convinced that they're newly weds. and that they just decided to have a private wedding. then one day. percy invites tyson over for dinner with his parents and annabeth. and tyson casually refers to annabeth as percy's wife. and everyone just pauses. but before percy can correct him. annabeth just slyly confirms it and continues setting the table.

#annabeth isn't beating the allegations #she's setting them #she'll refer to percy as her husband when she's around tyson #she convinced both camps to get in on the jokec #she photoshopped her and percy's wedding photo #she made percy buy him and her matching rings #she convinced tyson that her and percy are renewing their vows when they actually get married #she made it a full-time job #a life long mission #she knew what she had to do #percy jackon and the olympians #pjo text post #pjo #pjo headcanon #percy jackson #annabeth chase #percabeth #percabeth headcanon #tyson #tyson is adorable #he thinks his brother is a married man #he's convinced that the year percy and annabeth weren't talking were because they were contemplating divorce #tyson is keeping the percabeth allegations alive under the sea

[sin-sidejob]

Pls tell Delaney I’m free whenever if she needs a wife

Maybe in another life~

art credit and many thanks to @olexxx who immediately jumped at the opportunity to draw this after hearing me talk about this specific ask, which btw anon, thank you

#lmao but thank you anon in full seriousness and additionally — that’s what au’s are for ;) #good to know y’all think she’s wife material — camera pans to me sobbing in the corner clutching my laptop and prints of every piece of art #I’ve ever seen made of her from cowboylovin and mollicutes and flyingspicerack and radioactivebowtie and olexxx #and r3d-artist as well!! #and maybe more that I’m forgetting at this current point and time which feels at least to me like a criminal offense like lock me up sirs #Lex tag #ART REC I GUESS?? GO GIVE LEX A FOLLOW I LOVE THEM SM #thank you so much Lex my eternal love and gratitude is yours #never gonna get over this #y’all just hear me screaming and running down hills into the woods #just leave me be ok I’m unwell #Lex’s art #inside job #sona: Delaney #jrdelaney #asked and answered #anon #personal inside job #my inside job #jr #art rec #jr scheimpough #Delaney tag

[babyfairy]

my job drives me crazy but if nothing else im really glad it’s given me an opportunity to meet so many dogs and to learn so much about dogs in general. they’re really my favorite animal lol

#i think a lot of our customers like me because they can tell i genuinely love and care deeply about their dogs #even the ones that drive me nuts! lol #they are my babies. one of them had a seizure at my job and my coworker ran to get me bc she didn’t know what to do #and i talked to her and told her she was ok and carried her out to dad. bc we learned she couldn’t stand or walk #anyway she made a full recovery and since then she just loves me #every time i see her i sit with her and pet her lol she’s sooo sweet #they’re just so sensitive and intuitive! i love animals i’m so happy to share a world with animals

[sysig]

Getting closer, getting really close now I swear (Patreon)

#Doodles #Just Desserts #Villainsona #True Villainy AU #Just ignore how many times I've said that up to this point lol - I'm serious this time! #I always feel so bad designing TVAU outfits because Charm is always so miserable as a model haha #Could this be a contributing factor as to why it's taken so long?? No I enjoy drawing her like that lol #Made some design notes about the important elements of what I want for her True Villain look - more than just ''Her but Kaiein influence'' #I'd still really like a nod to dragon scales of some kind but honestly her classic design is more that #Always going on about her spider theming how to make it dragony! It's the one thing I'm still hung up on lol #As for the rest I think it's Really getting close :) I got to actually turn her little ''shawl'' - I always knew it was Kaiein-related - #Into something that properly mimics his shape! It's all controlled by her tho it's not a part of his body - just magic-infused matter #Made to look like him so there's still that creep factor but it's more her body than his - she can control its shape :D #And I got to keep the jewels! Yesss - made it a motif! Now it's also on her hips and knees to break up her visual space yes very good #It's drips :) Y'know - like ink :) Finally figured that one out lol good job setting up my own symbolism me #And then some elegant drapey bits to match her ''shawl'' and continue to break up her space!! Yes! Good!! #I still haven't decided on a colour palette I think black and white is too obvious and too Kaiein but hmmm - she has a lot of colours #Lots of options to pick from but which is the Correct one - her hair would stay pink so maybe some of her pinks or purples #I'll play with some digital swatches later :) #I'm also so glad I could implement the hood design from one of the scrapped outfits ah <3 I love her in a hood she's so cute #I'm rather pleased with the way the spider web design breaks up her form as well - it's more subdued than the full bottom/shoes stripes but #It's also not very clear here lol the long ones that all the way down to her feet are the third from the center ignore that second one #The second lines out from the center host her wings! Very important! #Kinda reminds me of my holosona in a way actually :0 They /are/ both Evil-aligned hmmmm #All the more reason to colour palette! Differentiate the colours in my head #Really do feel like I'm approaching it now fdjsklafd getting close now!!

[biillys]

STRANGER THINGS 2.02 – trick or treat

#hilarious that they think she'd get bullied like................ read the room #also like. it HAS to be said. the way that she is CLEARLY like so fucking visually cleary the little sister to billy fuckin hargrove here #she deals with billys bullshit full time okay she does not get bullied at school. and any attempts that get made #are shot down with an eyebrow raise #billy also does not fuckin try protect her or whatever like #if max mentions some idiot trying to push her around the most billy will do is ask what she did back #and when she says she not only stole her own lunch money right back but stole the rest of the money too #billy just nods like. good job. and moves on #anyway! moving on! lucas really did just crush on her so hard from literally the start and i rly do love them #m #gifs #long post #maxmayfieldedit #lucas x max #dustin x max

[feluka]

#🌻 #thinking of how tear gets assigned 'the one braincell haver' #and how this is often a fandom thing but. while compiling her dialogue yesterday i realized. #there's SO MUCH explanation and stuff that tear shouldn't do that she does anyway #like. there are other people in the party equipped to explain fonons to luke or jump in to say 'dont do that it's dangerous' #but it's always her! well sometimes it's guy but 90% of the time it's her. #and it made me really sad! this girl is BRIMMING with silly but suppressing it #but while it's something that the game itself applies to her without fandom perception #i feel like the game does a better job of recognizing the tragedy of it better than we do sometimes #specifically via natalia. there's a lot of dialogue with natalia telling tear not to think as a soldier #but as a person with desires and fears. #tear i love you i love you one day you will never have to fight and you'll have your lovely place that you'll decorate with very cute items #and you'll have pet cheagles that love being brushed by you and you will put ribbons on their sweet little heads #and you'll have a drawer full of different ribbons of all sorts of colors and designs #and you'll color coordinate with your pets because you too will have all sorts of cute outfits! #i love you tear so much!! #THIS WAS A JOKE POST HOW DID THIS GET AWAY FROM ME

[steviescrystals]

i seriously need to get a new job and start making money again asap bc i cannot keep living at home much longer it’s driving me insane

(wrote an entire essay in the tags without meaning to oops)

#i feel so isolated from everything bc i’m not in school rn but all my friends are and 90% of the ones who are in state go to the same school #so they’re all in the same town and here i am 45 minutes away #i never get invited to anything bc 1) my friends all tend to make plans really last minute #and 2) if we want to go out and drink - which we usually do bc that’s the stage of life we’re in rn - i’d have to stay the night with #someone bc i absolutely cannot afford a 45 minute uber home and most of my friends don’t like staying over / having people stay over #so i have basically no social life and it’s only gotten worse in the past couple months since i got laid off from my main job #not only did i love that job but i loved my coworkers and work was pretty much the only time i left the house and interacted with people #and without that job i can’t even do the little solo things i used to do to cheer myself up like go see a movie #or even just go for a long drive bc i’m broke (as in i have $17 in cash to my name and am like $1000 in debt rn) #so all i do is rot in bed all day and apply for jobs that i’m overqualified for yet still don’t get hired #i barely even leave my room bc i avoid my family which just makes me feel guilty bc i love my family #but they get on my nerves so easily and most of the conversations i have with my mom end in her lecturing me about something and me crying #and on top of everything it’s just straight up embarrassing to be unemployed and completely directionless about college and living at home #logically i know i’m still very young and it’s common to live at home when you’re 20 but literally none of my friends do #i had a couple friends who lived at home for the first 2 years after high school and went to community college but by now they’ve moved out #and they’re all at universities and either graduating this year or next year meanwhile the earliest i could possibly graduate is in 2 years #i should be finishing my junior year rn but i’ve only completed my freshman year #i hated the school i was at and planned on transferring sophomore year but long story short that didn’t work out #even longer story short i ended up doing a semester each at 2 different community colleges and failed all my classes both times #and took 2 semesters off so now i’m a full 2 years behind and even though my freshman year was miserable #i’m starting to wish i stayed at that school anyway bc at least i would be at a university and accomplishing something #plus theres a huge difference between staying at home for a couple years after high school then moving out later #vs living on your own right away then having to move back home after you’ve already experienced having your own space #and on top of everything i have an older sister who’s a literal genius and graduated last year #and a younger sister who just finished her freshman year at the school i hated but she loves it and got perfect grades and made friends #so they’re both thriving and here i am living with my mom and my 13 year old brother and just completely failing at everything #i’m just so miserable and obviously moving out again and going back to school wouldn’t magically fix everything #but at least i would feel like my life was going somewhere and i wasn’t getting left behind by everyone i know #i just have no idea how to move forward and i feel like ever since high school not a single thing has gone the way i wanted it to #vent

[pikayay213]

yeah okay. played the epilogue. my merry band of friends and heroes had some tragic undertones but damn. i almost cried. like three times. ok wow yeah. baldur's gate 3 my favorite game now and for all time unbeatable forever

#bg3 #shadowheart and me (astarion) seem like we're having fun adventures. albeit the killing but that's part of the fun dammit #like okay. my karlach might be a mind flayer. #but she's HAPPY (i think. hard to read emotions in illithid speak.) #and Gale might be a god but hey. he seems like he's doing a good job. with a little more humility and time he'll be a pretty good god ithin #nothing happened with lae'zel because i ignored her this playthrough (rip i hear she's amazing and i believe it) #at least i didn't ascend #for this playthrough i really leaned into letting every character make their own decisions and i think it made for a nice story #in future i'll probably go full evil at least once #very controlling #all of that #but next playthrough i probably want to do either durge (might resist might not who's to say) #or maybe a custom character. probably bard. idk #this game is so good man #favorite game now and forever #i could talk about it forever #i could play it forever #god #best $60 i will ever spend #anyways #pika talks

[lisbonsteresa]

oh it's horrible; i love it

#tm #this is SO #because from lisbon's point of view this is....let's say strange i guess #nothing's really changed for her? yes she has (they have but he's not thinking like that right now) this dangerous risky job #but she always has; there's always been 'a new train every day' and they've dealt with them all; they'll deal with this one too #so yes of course she wants to try and reassure him but it's not as major to her as it is to him #*and also she's been very patient and understanding and hasn't put any expectations or pressure on their future #(i'm sure she HAS thoughts on it obviously but she's been the one reminding him to take things as they come #'right here it's good. it's very very good.') #meanwhile jane is.....for so long jane wasn't sure if he'd HAVE a future; he wasn't sure if he'd deserve one #and then blue bird and everything that came after it and it's been wonderful and he's been trying to take it one day at a time #but it's like once he let himself imagine a future for them; for himself he was immediately hit by the full reality of how tenuous it is #he's always known they have dangerous jobs but knowing that in a pre and post blue bird world are two very different things #now he has this; he has them; and he also knows that every time they get a phone call from abbott #there's a chance he might lose the most important person in the world to him just after learning he's the most important person to her #just after they finally started something together and then what he does later this ep it's just #once you get what you wanted most what would you do to protect it (because what kind of future would he have without her) #(and then failing that (in a few episodes) what would you do to grant yourself some semblance of peace of mind?) #but this kills me because he delivers the line in a kind of teasing way? he does not let on how nervous he really is #(or what he might be starting to plan) 'i made the decision not to tell you because i was worried that it would come between us' LIKE #he tried broaching the subject before (albeit not in a way that she could very easily understand) and it went nowhere #'are we really gonna work for the fbi for the rest of our lives?' 'it's who i am jane' 'i know' #he's terrified of what might happen but he's also terrified to bring it up because what if that drives a wedge in their relationship #what if he ruins it himself without any outside issue being to blame is that a self fulfilling prophecy back to the fear that kept him from #telling her how he felt during s6 #so instead he holds back just how much he's spiraling until....and then he just CAN'T anymore and he has to get away #(and then lisbon's almost blindsided because yes she knew he was worried but THIS worried? to the point he won't even hear her arguments?) #GOD it's so so good it's the wooooorst i'm eating it up

[claratyler]

i don't know but ever since my beloved doggy died the days have been so beautiful..im devastated but its like all the anger is gone and the skies are so uncharacteristically clear for this city, its like she went "back" into the sky if that makes sense and everything is so pretty now...oh my baby :(

#guys i loved her so so so so so much #took care of her like a full time job #:( #she made me so happy #pet death #animal death

[orcelito]

Worked on pictures for about 8 hours straight, stopping a few times for crying breaks, but it's done. I made the slideshow and sorted it real nice. The sorting was half the time by itself. But I think I did a good job.

Also emailed my advisor. Look at me go.

#speculation nation #negative/ #i guess. since i mentioned the crying. #ive been dissociating majority of the past week in that ive just not been feeling my emotions #oftentimes purposefully. a few times Very purposefully. #but sorting through the pictures like that. creating an entire timeline of my father from youth to recent #seeing him grow older (but not old enough) #it made me think of the full life he lived before now. so many experiences and so much joy #and then his death. sudden. clumsy. meaningless. #a man can live a full life with so much love #then one day. without any warning. he dies. #i think it was his girlfriend who mentioned us possibly being in shock. and i think she might be right. #such a sudden upheaval. and ive barely gotten the chance to process it #because theres so much to do so im kept plenty busy #but the times the veil lifts and i feel my emotions my heart hurts so much it feels like it's wrenching. #it's an awful feeling. so ive neen depending on the separation from my emotions to get me through. #it's done a marvelous job so far. but today. tomorrow. and especially saturday. i dont exactly have that option anymore. #i dont know what the next few days are gonna bring me #tbh i just want it to be over. #if im not gonna wake up from the nightmare of my dad being dead. then at least let it rest so it doesnt hurt so bad.

[igneouswyvern]

After nearly two and a half years of being completely obsessed with Zestiria after I beat it way back in July of 2021 I finally decided to go back and watch the anime, Zestiria the X and, yeah I have some thoughts

I'm gonna start with the good. Definitely the best part was getting to see Rose and Alisha interact with each other, and Dezel and Zavied interact as well, since they were never in the party at the same time in the game. The anime format also did a lot of good for both Alisha and Zavied's characters (I'm so glad Zavied is something besides "the horny guy" now). Really the story works a lot better with the full party of 8 together towards the end.

The anime also gave me the one thing Tales games never give me, which is a full proper ending, and by that I mean showing us exactly what happened to the world after the final battle was won. I've never been very good at using my imagination when it comes to a peaceful and normal world so it was nice to see that fleshed out. While unrealistic I am also glad Sorey came back within Rose and Alisha's lifetimes because that always kinda bugged me in the game

Using Berseria as a legend in Zestiria was pretty cool considering they didn't get to do that in the game since it came out first. I thought it worked really well. However I am very confused on why they decided to animate the first three hours of post-prologue Berseria smack dab in the middle of the Zestiria plotline and just...never return to it. I don't know why they decided to do that, it didn't fit at all and the whole time I was just wondering if or when they were ever gonna come back to it. And if they were gonna do it for context's sake shouldn't they have, I don't know, jumped ahead to some part where Velvet actually fights Artorius?? It just felt so strange to me.

Onto some more bad: Why the hell did they make Maltran a good guy. She worked just fine as a twist villain. They just cut that entirely for no reason??

And there's one particular huge thing that they just completely changed. One of the most interesting things to me about Zestiria's narrative was the underlying theme that "you can't save everyone." From "everyone knows you can't purify a dragon" to that first moment in Pendrago when they encounter a hellion so strong that the only way to quell its malevolence is to outright kill it, leading all the way up to the finale of the game where Sorey has to kill Heldalf because he can't be purified. They learn over and over again that malevolence has consequences, and that the Shepherd's journey isn't without sacrifice, and that sometimes taking a life is the only way to save that many more.

And Zestiria the X just throws that whole concept out the window?????

First they straight up replaced the corrupted church lady in Pendrago with something totally different and far less impactful, just a corpse that can be purified. And then they go and purify a real dragon??? You can't just do that????? And of course that means they won't kill Heldalf either. He ends up unrealistically purified as well. It just bugs me so much. It goes against everything the original game wanted to set up. Sure it gave us a happier ending but we don't always need a perfectly happy ending! Life is full of heartache and tragedy and sacrifices, and the original Zestiria showed that in a really neat way. And the anime just goes and tosses all of it out the window. It just...it makes me really upset. Tbh the Pendrago sequence is one of my favorite moments in the game, and the dramatic sequence where you kill Heldalf is another favorite, and I was really excited to see those in anime form. And instead they just got binned entirely. My disappointment is immeasurable and my day is ruined :(

And for that matter they also kind of completely got rid of Sorey's character arc, as meager as it may have been. One of my biggest gripes with Zestiria the game is that Sorey is just too perfect a guy, he's too pure and innocent and never really makes mistakes and the game had opportunities to allow him to do that but were too scared to actually commit to it. But despite that, Sorey still has a character arc of some sort, mainly in what I mentioned above where he has to accept that sacrifices are inevitable but in some other ways too. Meanwhile the anime just removes all of that. Sorey pretty much never struggles, except maybe in matters of strength in the beginning you know, and he always gets his way--he never has to make a sacrifice and always saves everyone. All this culminating in The X Sorey being somehow even more flawless and perfect and static than game Sorey. And it's really disappointing to see because I was really hoping to get a more fleshed out Sorey as a result of the anime format.

Something pretty insignificant that bugged me was the fact that they pretty much never got to explore ruins or old temples or whatever else. The game's gameplay loop was pretty much go to a town, deal with some political stuff/watch some cutscenes, go to a ruin or temple and fight a boss, back to the town. Which worked really well for a game setting, but I recognize doesn't work as well in an anime. However, what the anime decided to do was completely cut out any ruins exploration and focus exclusively on the political conflict in the towns. I see why they did this, don't get me wrong, but I just can't help that it doesn't really feel like Zestiria when Sorey and Mikleo aren't nerding out over random stuff in ruins, you know? All that political stuff started to get really boring after a bit. And like so much of the game's story and lore takes place in those dungeons, so it just feels so odd to have them completely removed.

Pretty minor thing but I felt like they kind of messed up Lailah's character. Her whole thing in the game is that she knows everything about the Shepherd's journey but she's not allowed to talk about it because of her oath, so she does the whole inconspicuous whistling and deflecting to other topics the whole time. And I kind of liked it because she looks totally airheaded but it isn't true, she knows a lot she just can't tell us. But in the anime it felt like Lailah didn't know all that much about the whole situation, like she seemed just as surprised as the rest of the party in a lot of scenes. And I feel like that just kind of took all the life out of her character. She was already kind of generic in the game and taking away the one thing that made her interesting just made her even worse.

Okay I'm starting to make it sound like I hate Zestiria the X, I don't. I think I am just a huge purist when it comes to the original game and the anime did a lot of things contradictory to the game that I didn't like very much. But it's okay it was still a good anime and worth watching

It didn't really help me like my favorite characters (Sorey, Mikleo, and Edna) even more, but it did help bring the characters I was lukewarm about (Alisha, Rose, Zavied) about up to par with the original three in terms of how much I liked them, so that's nice. (Lailah and Dezel were more interesting in the game anyway.) I think if you took The X Alisha, Rose, and Zavied, and put them into the game's narrative, you'd have a pretty solid experience in total.

#wyvern rambles #saltposting #tales of zestiria #tales of zestiria the x #to think this isn't even all of my complaints... #the first two major occurrances in season 2 kind of bugged me too. u know dezel trying to destroy a whole town and #the gang rushing to stop rose from killing someone (it's literally her job she's done it a million times leave her alone) #were both really obnoxious to me but i don't have the energy to complain about it for many paragraphs #i think all in all the anime just kind of made me appreciate the game more. #which is saying a lot cause i already loved the game an enormous amount #i am uh. im gonna be back into another zestiria phase in full swing here i am so sorry to the followers who dont care #zestiria boutta become my whole personality at this point #wyvern's zestyposting #tales of

[siriuslynephilim]

tag limit hit ho gayi yaar

#haan toh main kya bol rahi thi. #haan unhone sab itna jaldi kiya cheek pe kiss bhi kiya i was like arey please no aap rakho itne saare paise i can't 😭 #cause she already bought me that hoodie for like 700 rs #she was like i can't be here for your birthday na #bhai meko toh rona hi aa gaya itna saara pyaar i swear mere parents ko iska 1% bhi nahi hai mujhse😭😭 #and money has been tight bachpan se cause shit happened in like 2013 or something and since then we've all been single #mindedly striving for highest paying jobs best education and now that she's finally there (touchwood) #i think it means a lot to her being able to spend money freeely for her loved ones #and with her idk i do believe that she loves me yes because she said ek baari when she was crying because kuch kuch hua tha #but also attending meeting office ki online rote hue sob karte hue kyunki parents time dekhkar thodi na ladte hai #and i didn't know how to help her and i knew they were. fighting subah se and she hadn't eaten anything so i made her cornflakes ka doodh #(her fav) and gave it to her table pe but it just made her sob much much harder and she couldn't drink it😭 #but later on she said ki im so thankful i have you mujhe dikh raha tha ki you wanted to help but you didn't know kaise karu still you tried #and just you being there was enough in that moment #like i don't know why im thinking all this today maybe because bua is here home and she was home that time too it happened in front of her #all this she's the only person who knows what kinda shit dad does #and just. past few weeks i really genuinely wanted to kms like i would sit in morning class and i would look down at my hands and see the #veins and think one cut and it would all be over you're so tired i know you can rest now #it got so bad that i started wearing full sleeve clothes only so i couldn't look at them #but now. i won't say it's completely gone that feeling but like #i want to live because so many plans i have to with my sister how can i leave her alone #like not just for her but for me for us i want us to be happy together like we planned #like yk us as a unit doing things we've always dreamed of visiting places and bachelorette parties and clubbing and living with her and her #bf/husband when i need somewhere to run to and going on a no budget shopping spree and storing ice cream tubs in our house #like they used to do in american movies and her having kids me getting over my disgust for them helping her raise them clean them being #the masi and #I DON'T KNOW OKAY OMG😭 #i felt so loved finally after a long time SACH MEIN real way mein #oh pata hai she also offered to pay mere tui ki fees bc i was complaining to mom ki papa kaise taunt maarte hai😭 #like it's 20 fucking thousand waise toh kam hi hai but as a salaried person it's still a lot 😭

[jonny-b-meowborn]

I am genuinely so terrified of the fact that I have to find a job now. I'm trying to think of or look up a job that's suitable for my mentally ill autistic ass and I just. I don't know. Everything either requires some very specific qualifications that I don't have, or seems at best awfully exhausting, at worst literally putting me in danger. And I'm not even exaggerating, I genuinely think that working in retail, for example, could possibly kill me if I was forced to do that job for long enough. I sometimes get overwhelmed to the point of crying when there's too many other customers while I'm shopping, I can't imagine working in an environment like that. I suppose physical jobs could work, I've been to this blueberry plantation twice last week and mentally I was fine, but it was. So tiring. And you don't even make that much money a day, I don't think I could earn enough even if I did work there everyday, not to mention it's only a seasonal job. Right now it's fine for me to go there every now and then, but if I wanted to move out and become independent I'd have to get an actual day job. And that sounds impossible. The only job that sounds good to me is being an artist, it's not too mentally or physically difficult, and it's something I enjoy. But I'd have to get commissions constantly or start a small business or something like that to actually survive. And I'm not saying it's impossible, I know that people can live by being an artist, but it's so hard to get into that field. I wish I could do it but I dont know if it's possible for me. Makes me wanna cry. I hate this I hate that my brain isn't suited for this world and still I have to participate in all that shit that everyone has to do. My brain isn't made for working like that

#I've talked about this a lot with my sister who is also autistic #and were both like. on a similar level of autism i dont know how to properly explain it #were functioning in similar ways i guess #and we both agreed that we're in this awkward spot of being autistic #where we're not suited for living in this world the way we're expected #but we're good enough at surviving that we can't really ask for help #like from the government or smth #im not sure if im making sense #but like neither of us ever had a normal job for longer than a few days #she's incredibly lucky bc her boyfriend (also autistic lol) has rich parents #so he's able to have a small business where hes making youtube content and games and merch #and he gets financial support from his parents. so he can have the job he feels comfortable with and enjoys #and my sister is now able to work with him. theyre both making their silly little games and trinkets and are able to live normally #which is just so great for her i love that. im also so jealous lmao #and then theres me who also is made for creating art and not much else but im not lucky enough to be able to do that and survive #idk. my mom is great and doesn't put too much pressure on me. she was the one to take me to that blueberry job #and she really supprts my plans to be an artist full time #but still. thats really difficult to do. ugh #sometimes i wish that i either wasnt autistic at all or was 'less functioning' so at least i could get some help with living #bee buzz

[hearties-circus]

I kinda feel like I've just hard erased any happiness or elation I had from being done with school all just so I wouldnt get asked a stupid question anymore I hate this I hate this

#gamer txt. #not once have i actually fucking wanted to go to college this was just the only way to make ppl stop asking me about jobs #but im realising now that was a stupid decision and i hate that i made it i hate tgat i had the chance to back out and didnt #the only thing that made school worth it before was my friends that was the only time id get to see them #now im going back to school completely without them like a fucking idiot #i know college is different from highschool i get that and i do want to learn fab weld but fuck me this was dumb #i know damn well im not going to make any new friends during this course im more terrified of people than ive ever been #and i stick out from my class like a sore thumb #whats worse is my nervousness from this has started fucking with my appetite and hunger and that is the worst possible thing it could do #that is like the number one way to break me #im already in such a vulnerable state i do not need constant fucking reminders of trauma i cant fucking escape #and im meant to just be normal and be a person and go to class on monday? #im this close 👌 to just dogging it. im pretty sure ill be getting the train in like i could full well just fuck off and leave #its not like they have my mums number she wouldnt know any different from what i told her #can i not just stay in the purgatory of being a teen old enough to be done with school but young enough to not have a job forever ? #please? im not ready for this im not i couldnt be less ready for this why did i let myself succumb to this pressure? i hate it #g-d i havent cried in. months now. this feels so. this is too much this is way too much fot me i cant do this #i dont know how i thought i could when the hell have i ever been able to do something like this on my own #theres nothing to me on my own i dont have any confidence i dont have any strength i need my friends for that and i dont have them

[kidnamedfinger]

dreamt that i went on a date with ten in los angeles and it went badly and i walked out and wandered the streets thinking about what to do and then i walked into an empty nordstrom and saw kim kardashian trying to buy clothes off the nike rack for her kids so i helped her pick some and then i became her de facto assistant and we went to cvs to pick up sugar free mints and my role was to stand close to her and shush people who recognized her and started murmuring

#im up before 2pm are you proud of me #at the end of the dream i was fretting because i didnt know if she wanted me on full time so i didnt know if i could afford to live in LA #and wait for a job offer or if i should just go back to new york... so i watched a tiktok from her former assistant and he was based in DC #so that made me even more confused. and then i woke up #i know the date aspect is bc my friend texted the gc she was going on a date w someone just before i fell asleep. the rest is original