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riverdale-retread · 8 months

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Riverdale S7 E 17 (Chapter 134) A Different Kind of Cat

Betty is in her room, angrily typing about how she “can’t hold back any longer,” telling her newsletter readers that she’s been reading their outpourings. She lists the sins that have been committed against her - made to be a cheerleader, put into therapy, had her diaries read, rejected by her mother, and of course, she was also slapped. As vengeance she’s going to release a book, ‘The Collected and Expanded Teenage Mystique.” She’s going to only put out the uncensored truth about being a teenager. She wants to burn the small minded town to the ground.

Alice is a most inconsistent jail keeper by the way because Betty is typing really loudly with her door wide open, and there are a pile of letters from girls on her desk, but Alice isn’t aware of any of THIS going on.

Speaking of goings on - Jeronica are about to make their school debut! They have not figured out how to do a couples look yet - Veronica is wearing a shoulderless cleavage baring ballgown type thing in purple, and Jughead is wearing an orange zigzag sweater. Jughead wants to take it easy on the rest of the Riverdale population - he’s willing to just follow in Veronica’s wake. I love this about him, immediately, because this seems like the correct attitude for a boyfriend of Veronica Lodge’s to have. Veronica will not stand for it. She takes his hand, and they step into the school together. Jughead looks more than a little worried.

The first person they see is Julian, who sees them hold hands and looks peeved. Then Cheryl and Toni pass. Toni is merely interested, but Cheryl is full of contempt. I keep forgetting that Cheryl actively dislikes Veronica in this universe for stealing her rich beautiful girl thunder because they were lowkey in need and in love with each other for so much of Seasons 1-6. The next person to clock them is Betty, who looks like it gives her indigestion. Which is no surprise because Veronica? Veronica! What was all that cosmic kissing talk from the past couple episodes? Betty comes by her discomfort very honestly here. More and more students notice the handholding.

Jughead is happy that the gauntlet is over. He says he’s not used to being stared at by so many people. That can’t possibly be true. You go to school wearing a felt crown. You burst in on the student lounge and yelled at people about milk. You just didn’t INTEND to get stared at until today. Veronica tells him that even she hadn’t ever garnered quite this much attention, not since she wore her “sexy witch costume” to school for Halloween by mistake. Jughead has no idea what she’s talking about, but he is turned on so hard so fast, that she has to ask him directly if he “has a thing for sexy teen witches.”

Jughead is so cute. He looks like he doesn’t know if he should run away to jack off or hurl from nervousness: “Well, yes! Yes I do!” But then he always covers all his reactions to things with a sort of This is About My Art kind of gloss, so he immediately segues into: “I know a boss idea when I hear one.” Veronica will have none of it.

Using her most kittenish voice, she says, “I’m glad to have inspired …[looks directly at his crotch, pauses, then looks back up to his face] .. *something.*” They share a very chaste kiss in the hallway farewell.

Archie is showing his poem to Miss Grundy. Miss Grundy says the poem demonstrates that he “grew up overnight.” She wants to know what happened. He prostituted a woman is what happened. We cut to -WHY? WHY DO WE CUT TO THIS? WE GET IT! STOP SHOWING ME THIS! - Reggie and Archie inside Twyla’s red-lit depressing prostitution room as she closes the door. Archie omits that part and tells his teacher only about the sunrise he watched with Reggie when he was somehow much more fucked out than Reggie.

I hate Archie all over again. I hope Twyla never caught an STD but with fervor I pray that she gave one to Reggie and Archie like the Virgin getting impregnated by the Word.

Grundy, who has no clue, tells him to “keep doing” whatever it is he’s doing.

Archie tells the nastiest sex pun of all time, purely for his own benefit. Can I say again? I hate Archie. They ruined sweet, earnest, stupid S7 Archie for me wholesale by doing this. He says, “I’m definitely going back.” He’s so SLEAZY.

In the other storyline that I hate that I guess they’re keeping, Cheryl and Toni are using school resources to develop raunchy photos of themselves. Fail Lesbians. Terrific.

In a class that Grundy is about to teach about the Enlightenment Period, Jughead, seated immediately behind Cheryl, is drawing a very sexy teen witch that looks just like Veronica Lodge on a broomstick. He’s actually a very competent artist.

In the student lounge, Reggie has told Julian about his recent experience as a man who prostitutes women. Julian refuses to whisper about any of it. “YOU AND ANDREWS?’ he basically hollers, as Reggie cringes. Oh Julian. I was rooting for you, because you can sing and you look cute as the ur-Archie. You ruined this. “You and Reg took a ride on the town bicycle, Twyla Twyst?” Julian basically SHOUTS this at Archie.

Reggie looks very uncomfortable in the background, taking a very large gulp of coke. Dude, why did you feel the need to share any of this with Julian, of all people? “AND YOU’RE GOING BACK FOR SECONDS?”

The first person that Archie, looking like a sleazy deer in headlights that I would gladly run over with my car, makes eye contact with is Betty Cooper, sitting on the couch. She looks more and more like Alice Cooper by the second, wearing her pink and brown check pattern dress like armor.

The things that Betty says though show her in know better light than anybody else. She is no Betty Friedan, regardless of whether she used the word “mystique” for a good book title before her or not. She is peeved that boys get celebrated “for their sexual conquests” and girls get punished for “wanting the same” but this is all manner of fucked up. Prostituting a woman doesn’t mean the same thing as getting a girl to like you enough to want to have sex with you, being a super obvious point that doesn’t need to be said, but I’m going to say it because this is my blog. She’s so disgusted by Julian slow clapping that she packs up all her stuff to exit the lounge. For some reason, she’s the only girl who can hear any of this conversation - the other students in there are entirely deaf to Julian’s shouting.

As she angrily stomps out of the lounge, Betty runs smack into Cheryl, who drops all her photos. In the ensuing scramble, Betty sees one of them. It intrigues her so much she pursues the fleeing Cheryl all the way outside, to the bench, and clearly forces her to talk about the photos. Cheryl is too tired of life to put up much of a fight: “I am going steady with Toni Topaz.” Betty’s reaction - “Oh!” followed by a frown, blinking, followed by a stuttered “Well, that…m.-makes sense…” is further support for my central thesis that Betty Cooper is very, very stupid in S7. Evelyn ALREADY OUTED Cheryl and Toni to Betty in particular in that conversation they were all having about Fangs impregnating Midge. Further, I can tell that Betty doesn’t understand at all how two girls can go together - she’s being very Queen Victoria over here, she doesn’t see how that would work, which is why she says “That makese sense” because it doesn’t make any sense to her whatsoever. She’s so incorrigibly stupid, and on top of being really, really dumb, she’s also really, really vain, because she thinks she can write a book.

Cheryl has never directly come out to anyone before, so she is very worried. For Cheryl Blossom, in every universe, a good defense is the only reliable method of existence, so she double dog dares Betty to try to use it against her.

I don’t think you need to worry, Cheryl. Betty doesn’t actually understand what you’re saying.

Betty does glom on to the fact that Cheryl and Toni being together in some incomprehensible way is a secret, so she comes out with a secret of her own. She is The Girl Next Door, the writer of The Teenage Mystique.

Cheryl makes me lose all hope in life, because she not only says that she loves The Teenage Mystique but also that the Girl Next Door’s “advice is tops.” But Betty is so, so dumb Cheryl. How can she possibly be “tops” as an advisor.

They shake hands, because Cheryl finds it an honor to know The Girl Next Door.

Now they can talk business. Betty wants to know what Cheryl was going to do with the “amazing pictures.” Cheryl was going to come out “in the most unabashed way” by publishing the photos in Femme and In magazine. Um. More like, get whoever was publishing that magazine arrested by Vice for publishing indecent material featuring children, but sure, be reckless, Cheryl.

Plus, I think it’s so cowardly for Cheryl to ‘come out’ by publishing male-gaze appeasing lingerie photos of herself as a minor rather than just tell her parents and go to the crazy girl prison like all the other wayward girls do. This is not empowerment, at all. How famous is Femme and In magazine anyway? How would this even be known in the Blossom household or the circles they run in such that it would have this “blow the lid off their world” impact?

Oh no. Oh. Oh no. Betty has infected Cheryl with the stupid.

Betty immediately sees an opportunity for herself in this desperate act of Cheryl’s. She wants to include Cheryl and Toni’s story - complete with the racy photos - in her upcoming ‘book.’ Cheryl decides immediately that this would somehow be “the perfect forum for” coming out. Okay. Sure.

Betty also wants to have lingerie photos taken of herself. Cheryl is all about this, and she’s gonna get something out of it too - she gets to make another oil painting that all these people are too foolish to commission outright.

That night, someone drives up in a very swanky car, complete with a grey haired white driver, to the Babylonium, which is showing “A Star Is Born.” A sleek someone in very high heels walks into the theater.

Upstairs, Veronica is canoodling with Jughead, who has shown her his sexy teen witch art. She loves it - “this is the bee’s knees!” Jughead has simply named this character Veronica the Teenage Witch. He says that Pep Comics is in desperate need for a new character to improve readership and to get past the new censorship rules. He’s so pleased with himself, his work, and with his new girlfriend.

An extremely elated Clay comes bursting in because someone very important and unbelievable is here.

It’s Josie McCoy!

Josie’s presence is so powerful it turns Veronica right back into the drag queen she sometimes inhabits. She starts to recite Josie’s in-universe resume at her. She’s a famous chanteuse, she founded some important sounding theater company, she’s won a Tony!

Josie McCoy is Eartha Kitt. This actress is doing an AMAZING job. She channels just enough of Kitt’s interesting vocal mannerisms and accent to be a tribute without shading over into being embarrassing or camp. She says that she’s heard good things (a person who “shakes things up”) about Veronica. She’s here because she has a secret (“hush hush”) movie project. She urges Veronica to dismiss her underlings. Veronica has no qualms treating her high school friends as servants - she shoos them away. Clay scampers away with zero dignity whatsoever, but Kevin (Kevin? but yes, Kevin does this one thing correctly) looks both annoyed at this treatment (rightfully) and appears to have things he wants to say to Josie McCoy too.

Turns out this movie that Josie made was a sort of Barbra Streisand making Yentl type thing - she wrote, directed, produced and starred in it. She wants to do a test screening at the Babylonium if it turns out to be “up to her standards.” She needs to do this in Riverdale because it’s Siberia as far as the California movie industry is concerned (Veronica is so starstruck that she doesnt even seem to register this cruel blow) so that there will no risk of some studio executives “second guessing” all the creative choices.

We cut to the screening. Clay in the projection booth is verklempt. Veronica is hypnotized. Kevin has ditched his boyfriend to do all the work in the back room while he creepily has stayed in the theater itself (Hi Hateful Kev, there you are!) to inch closer to Josie. He’s up and giving a standing over before the movie is even over, looking shiftily over at the back of Josie’s head in case she notices him. Veronica however is genuinely moved. She looks like she might cry as she stands to give her own ovation.

When it’s just the two of them in Veronica’s executive suite, Veronica (the teenage witch, natch) offers the grown adult Broadway star alcohol, who accepts it without comment. Veronica of course always manages to think of making things bigger and better. Having seen the film, she now wants to upgrade from a test screening to a full blown red carpet movie premier. (Oh! Or she didn’t not notice the blow about how Riverdale is irrelevant Siberia as far as the movie industry goes from before - she just smelled a business opportunity brewing and held her tongue.)

Josie is very gracious in her refusal of this initial suggestion (“I’m still tinkering.”) Veronica doubles down, calling the movie Perfection. Josie doesn’t disagree but then says that studio executives are skittish creatures. Veronica agrees. “They are fear driven creatures.”

Well, not if the insane stuff that’s allowed to happen on the show Riverdale is any indication but maybe this is supposed to be a wink and a nod about two things - the upcoming Hollywood writers’ strike, and maybe a not so subtle attempt at trying to pacify the Riverdale fandom that surely wasn’t expecting that we would get zero true closure on any of the things that have ever happened before on the six previous seasons, nevermind continuity. (Like, randomly, for example - Reggie and Josie are both entirely new people with old faces and names.)

Josie is being a fear driven creature herself though. After negging Veronica about the town and her theater, she now negs her about Riverdale’s citizenry. Josie, you’re the one who came HERE. Nobody asked you. So why go on about whether the people in this town are ‘hep’ or needing a lay of the land?

Veronica truly loves movies though. She thinks this one is great, so she’s willing to be accommodating to the last. She offers herself and the two minion gays to be tour guides for Josie, starting bright and early at 8 a.m. Josie hoots with laughter (this laugh was fantastically done, pitch perfect, almost sung - bravo! performance is like 10000% brilliant on the alternate universe Eartha Kitt!). She snootily informs Veronica that she wakes up no earlier than 3 p.m.

Oh I wish I could live like that too!

Veronica would never have permitted such condescension from anyone we’ve seen her meet so far, but she will allow it for Josie. And because Veronica, despite having Jughead now, is still very, very lonely, she does what she always does when she has what she thinks might be a receptive person - she invites them to live with her in her big huge apartment.

I wonder also if this is meant to be a bypass of the race issue - would Josie have been able to check into just any hotel? Would she, a black woman traveling apparently alone (or with just a driver, who can hardly be expected to guard her with his life) be safe had she checked into even the most expensive hotel she’d be permitted to stay in?? What was Josie’s plan for accommodation here? Is this another test of Veronica Lodge’s acumen, to put an acceptable, dignified social gloss over uh, American apartheid?

“I like you Ms Lodge. I think we’re going to get on just fine,” Josie says, then puts her very dark sunglasses on at night indoors.

Meanwhile, SIGHHHH, Archie Andrews has brought a bouquet to the red light district (well, hallway) of Riverdale. He tries to loosen his hip flexors. When Twyla opens the door, he wants to says he was “hoping … we could see each other again.” Twyla reject him.

Did she not get paid last time? This question of HOW IS TWYLA GETTING PAID AND BY WHOM is a consistent issue that Riverdale keeps raising from her re-introduction as the prostitute. Was Archie a violent fuck? Did the boys insist on paying her a one person rate, forcing her to accept it?

WHY AM I BEING MADE TO THINK THOUGHTS LIKE THIS ABOUT ARCHIE AND REGGIE, RIVERDALE MAKERS?

I suppose it’s clear enough that Archie wants a freebie (or a series of freebies) from Twyla, which is why she cuts him off at the pass, but that still doesn’t answer the question of why she doesn’t simply ask him for money.

They keep making this direct equivalence between the porny photos the SupreFemme Dykes take and Archie attempting to be a frequent fucker of prostitutes, but I don’t understand why. I also don’t care to be informed.

Cheryl and Toni are shown going into the Cooper house with absolute suitcases full of equipment. Wearing Veronica’s lingerie and her own glasses, Betty poses for photos in her own bedroom. This is not a good way to be a camgirl, to use your actual room you use for sleep but ok. Betty does look exceptionally pretty.

The next day at school, Veronica is minding her own business, reading her book in the student lounge (Behind her are two boys in letter jackets talking to two cheerleaders), when Toni, dragging Fangs behind her like a soggy puppy, marches in (she really marches, arms swinging) to demand her attention. They’ve heard (I assume from Kevin or Clay or both, because of that special lavender double cross relationship they have with Cheryl and Toni) that Josie McCoy is in town. The only place to take her is the Dark Room (because it’s the only place that could ever be described as “hep.” Fangs will be performing, because Toni is still in the business of pretending to give a shit about Midge, the baby on the way, or Fangs’s relationship with Midge. She wants Josie to be entreated to give Fangs a boost in his pathetic attempts at a career. Veronica is willing to accommodate.

Miss Grundy has really pretty clothes this season, by the way. I especially like her embroidered cardigans. Because Twyla told him that MiLFs in town would probably like to take a bite out of a “red delicious” like himself, the poet wannabe who doesn’t know what metaphors are brings an actual red delicious apple to his teacher.

What in the actual fuck is going on with the stuff on this board:

DIVINE COMEDY?

Anti FEMINISM???

ChivalrYYYYYYYYY?

She unfortunately says that Red Delicious apples are her favorite, which, again, wouldn’t be a problem necessarily except Archie is a poet wannabe who doesn’t know what metaphors are and is allergic to subtlety. He invites Mrs Grundy to the Dark Room, to listen to him perform a poem. This is extremely bold, almost egotistical, but Grundy is indulgent. She calls Archie her favorite student, promising him that of course she will attend. He gives her the sleaziest, smuggest, “I’m going to Fuck this lady for free later” smirk before heading out. The apple he leaves glows supernaturally in between them.

As Grundy returns to work, we hear Jughead start to say “She’s bewitching, she casts spells” while we’re still looking at Mrs. Grundy’s face.

We’re in the very overstuffed rooms of Pep Comics. Jughead is trying to explain the concept of Veronica the Teen Witch to his editor. His concept is that Veronica the Teen Witch is an actual witch but “nothing harmful” and anyway she spends her time being a high school student, which to Jughead means “class, homework, romantic trouble.” He wants the whole thing to be “vampy, campy fun.”

You know, like that show Riverdale, before they had Archie Andrews prostitute a woman at half price to lose his virginity!

Jughead is dressed much snazzier than he was when Jeronica was making their debut at the steps of the high school. He’s wearing a navy striped button down shirt, open in a boy cleavage which reveals a dark t shirt underneath and he’s wearing his suspenders. Jughead’s suspenders are basically his push up bra, so we know he’s feeling himself here as he makes this presentation of “boss idea.” I bet you these were clothes Veronica put together for him.

Sadly, his editor, once burned is now twice shy. He feels that even this very wholesome sounding concept is going to have to be watered down, starting with Veronica the Teen Witch losing her cleavage, and her dark hair, and half her witchdom, and her name Veronica! The editor says that the name Veronica to him means Veronica Lake - “too sexy, too dangerous, too curvy.” Except Veronica Lake was blonde, so go figure. He orders something “sweeter and magical.”

We cut to Betty in the photo development room (these are called Dark Rooms, right?) which is in very red lightning (fuckin’ a) with Cheryl. Sweeter and magical being ordered to jump cut to Betty the blonde looking sexy in photos? Very subtle.

Betty looks gorgeous in all the photos, but she’s glum about it. She tells Cheryl that she feels a fraud because she writes about sex without experiencing “anything remotely sexually satisfying myself.”

“What do you mean?” Cheryl asks.

This - THIS IS THE PRIME opportunity, Betty, to talk about how traumatized you are from the sexual abuse (I’m just going to call it how I feel it is now, politically correct lingo be damned) you endured at Kevin’s hands (LITERALLY) for two years that your highly suspect shrink would for sure call FORMATIVE. Heal from it! Talk to another girl about it! Talk to the girl who actually tried her best to put out to her unwitting straight beard for the sake of ethics about what you endured!

But no.

Betty Cooper in S7 is too stupid.

She says only, that she is “the only teenager in the world who can’t seem to find someone to go there with me.”

You’ve tried with exactly two boys, no? One was your gay sexual abuser, and the other one is a prostituter.

Cheryl does often have a very pragmatic streak. She can’t - and doesn’t want to get involved in - finding Betty someone to ‘go there’ so instead she teaches her about masturbation. Betty says she’s heard of the concept of “self pleasure” from that Kinglsey book that she didn’t read very well (she failed to learn about human reproduction from that book) but it didn’t have enough details. Cheryl gives her the manual, which she had just handy, in the form of an article in Femme-and-In magazine. (Which indicates to me this is a zine being put together by like minded dykes, which is why sending teen nudie photos to them is going to get them sent to prison and is therefore a bad idea.)

Femme and In, October 1955 issue has the headline “The only person you need to know how to please is yourself.” Cheryl, because she knows from the How Are Babies Made talk that Betty is very dumb, keeps looking meaningfully at Betty’s crotch as she gives her the precis - get in the bath, in the bathroom, lock the door, and USE YOUR OWN HANDS. Except Cheryl’s hands are tipped with extremely long terrifying talons, so I hope Betty doesn’t think the nail art is a necessity. That should only be reserved for advanced players.

Jughead is with Veronica at her apartment (Is Josie McCoy sleeping in there right now??), and he’s told her that the Veronica Teen Witch idea got axed for being too sexy. She takes it as her due. She very much likes being compared to Veronica Lake. Jughead is worried about what new name would work, so she suggests Sabrina. Jughead really likes it.

Oh.

ohhhhh

[Depressed voice]: Hi RAS

We then cut to the Dark Room, the Whyte Wyrm perversion, where Archie is reciting a poem. I’m so sorry friends but I could not bear to listen to this poem. I tried. Three times. Possibly four. And I could not get past the words “a simple apple.” I just could not. So I fast forwarded. I could see from doing the FFW that it was not well received -not by Grundy, not by any of the other patrons. Grundy just left. Veronica is furious, and Josie is so humiliated at having to be in the same room as this idiot that you can see her soul has left her body altogether. Toni is fully nasty to Archie, shoving him off the stage as she rubs his failure in his face.

Archie deserves it but also Toni has no right to be like this.

Josie says that “if that’s what passes for art in Riverdale,” she can’t besmirch her movie with association with this blighted place. Toni is fully throwing Archie (who also ate an actual apple in his Adam and Eve allegory or whatever that was) under the bus in service of trying to put Fangs in the best light.

I tried to skip this too, but I couldn’t because I think the editors knew I would want to skip this terrible karaoke performance so they interspliced it with Betty’s First Masturbation Session. I foiled them however, and turned the volume all the way down. While Betty jacks off for the first time, Cheryl is painting her, with the aid of a very dark room (??) and dozens of distant candles. I don’t paint, but I thought painters needed to see well when they were working with colors? Oh, and Betty has also lit a lot of candles for her masturbation session as well. Everyone in the Dark Room gives Fangs a standing ovation except Josie, who just sort of smirks at him while she golf claps. We’re made to know Betty has also achieved satisfaction. Okay, so that, I am willing to applaud.

Afterwards, her confidence somewhat restored, Veronica tries to get Josie to agree that Riverdale is “hep.” Josie hated it - Fangs’ music is not her genre, she says, but then she says that Fangs has “star quality.” Veronica fully understood that Josie thinks Fangs’ music (voice, presentation, performance ) are all sub, but tries to perk up at the assessment of his telegenic appeal. Then Josie says something odd: “How is he on the bongos, do you know?”

They’re talking about sex, right? Bongo player is like, ass beater?

But then no, it turns out they literally mean bongos. Fangs is playing bongos in the background as Josie writhes around performing a very Eartha Kitt number about women being kittens or something. God I miss this actress and her wonderful musical numbers. She’s the one professional performer the Dark Room has ever seen, both in universe and on this show. She’s really too good for Riverdale (in every sense).

Veronica asks if Riverdale is good enough for “Going Uptown.” She gets a yes!

Then Toni and Clay invite Josie to a Black Athena meeting. They get a yes too!

Archie is stalking his teacher now, waiting for her in the classroom. Because he’s a creep on top of being a prostituter. He was told by a prostitute a professional sounding opinion on how best to obtain free sex, which unfortunately for Grundy describes her to a T in Archie’s book (like, who the hell else is he gonna go for in this universe? Alice Cooper is a nonstarter, and we lack a Gladys Jones here, Mayor McCoy, like - where have all the MILFs gone?!?). He wants to know why his seduction technique of reciting a terrible poem awkwardly before chomping on an apple didn’t make her stay to talk (and fuck) with him afterwards. Grundy knows now exactly what he’s saying, so she reminds him that she has a husband. Who is an actual poet.

“We need to switch gears,” she says to Archie. Behind her on the blackboard is written: “Figurative Language - metaphor, idiom, symbolism, hyperbole, personification, simile. You know, just in case you don’t get it. She means she’s never going to fuck Archie Andrews. Thank god for that. And THIS figurative language, Archie does understands. He looks upset at his poetry teacher tells him to stop writing love poems at her. She wants him to write about pain. Any sort of pain. “What is my most painful experience?” and write about that. And definitely not the pain of being horny or crushing out on your teacher. She’s brought a lovely gray cardigan with jet black beads embroidered on it.

In the art room, Cheryl is unveiling her oil painting of Betty. Betty loves it. She says it’s beautiful. Cheryl is for the first time I think we’ve seen this entire season, at physical ease with a girl that isn’t her girlfriend (with whom honestly she’s not that at ease either, sadly, unless they’re having sex). She tucks her chin adorably into Betty’s shoulder to say that the painting is beautiful because Betty is. And this is actually my favorite painting ever done by Cheryl.

Love the pink and black color scheme, love the confidence in Betty’s face. I love this warm lovely moment between them. It’s such a sigh of relief.

Meanwhile, Jughead has finally achieved success with Sabrina the Teenage Witch concept art! It’s gonna be sent off for review stat! “Congratulations, kid!” Jughead is wearing a blue S shirt with a red collar and his push up bra suspenders over it. I love the color scheme of this outfit too. This has to be Veronica dressing him. Sabrina the Teen Witch is gonna save Pep Comics from the dustbins of obscurity!!

We’re now at at Very Special Session of the Black Athena club. Josie seems to wear nothing but animal prints. The population of black students at Riverdale has either exploded overnight or all these black students thought this club was dumb OR they really disliked Toni and Clay and their obsession with the white cop’s son and the white rich people’s daughter and avoided their ventures. I dunno. It’s full of black students we’ve not seen before, is my point.

Josie is very gracious, loving and warm to the students. Which is pretty adorable, but also makes me feel so worried about her. Is she ok? Oh, and of course, of COURSE, Clay interrupts Josie in the middle of her talk by making a joke, about himself. I hate Clay.

When asked how it is the Black Athena came to be, Toni gives me more reason to hate her from the way she tells the story. That black students needs their own space in 1955 (or really, now) seems indisputable. But she’s leaving out the part where Cheryl funded it, at some risk to herself, because she wanted to do the right thing. Her girlfriend funded it, wanted to sit in once, then graciously, sensibly saw herself out. But Toni doesn’t indicate ANY of those things. It also says something nasty about Toni, again, from the show - Tabitha of 1955 is on a crusade tour to the rest of apartheid america at great risk to herself, but Toni is only going to talk about her race in her white-funded space when it’s absolutely perfectly safe.

Show? Show! Get it together, omg.

In any case, Josie’s attendance of Black Athean inures to Veronica’s benefit, because now Josie wants a full on glam-fest type of movie PREMIERe and not a mere test screening. Josie also tells the story of how she got this movie made. She put every penny of her personal assets into financing it. If the movie doesn’t become a hit, she’ll be ruined for good. She did this because she made the play a hit on Broadway, won a Tony, but then the movie version was going have her written out and replaced by Lana Turner. She started this project out of spite. I think I have to assume this will work out gangbusters then, because spite fueled projects often have a lot of momentum and energy.

Veronica reacts with empathy, and not annoyance, as I would have. Which is why she’s a good businesswoman. Josie didn’t actually mind that both Archie and Fangs sucked ass at the talent night - she needed the test screening to be “in the sticks” in a racially mixed town (which Riverdale supposedly is) so that she could reassure the “fear driven” movie executives the film deserved a profit earning wide distribution. She aggressively put Veronica through the ringer in order to make sure Riverdale was low-brow Middle America enough to be a valid testing ground for this film.

This movie is going to have to “explode like an atomic bomb” because Josie McCoy knows she’s a movie star, she’s made a great movie, and she deserves a fair shake.

This is barely 10 years after Nagasaki and Hiroshim and as a Korean person I admire the discipline of the Japanese for doing business with people like this who nuked them (and only them and because they weren’t white) and then freaked themselves out and introduced phrases like this making light of the entire thing into their own language.

Again, the performance of this monologue is FANTASTIC. This actress is top notch. Where is the Josie tv show, RAS? Can we get Sweet Pea back, RAS? And Valery? Hey? RAS?!

Veronica says that she will throw such an awesome premiere that there will be a bidding war.

Fangs is telling the now visibly pregnant Midge that he’s met the great Josie McCoy who is going to get him hooked up. Midge looks desperate, smiling through misery, and I hate everything about this. I hope she miscarries, was my original evil thought, but she’s too pregnant now and there’s no way these satanic nuns would save her if they thought the baby was gonna die.

Sadly for Jughead, the censorship panel rejected Sabrina. His push up bra suspenders should’ve been in the room to make a case for her. His editor is sadly slumped about it. “You came up with something fun and whimsical and all they saw was witches, Satanism, hocus pocus and human sacrifices.”

I assume this is RAS talking about some portion of the critical and/or hostile reaction to his Sabrina the Teen Witch show. I didn’t watch it and I will not, so I don’t know, but despite a seasoned actor delivering it well, the clunky winky-wink of this line landed like a frozen turd. Jughead is very very crushed. He runs directly to Veronica at her apartment. She offers him an alcoholic drink, which he immediately declines (!!!!). She’s wearing a dress that looks like it’s made of black plastic bags. He’s so sad about what’s going to happen to Pep Comics. He thinks it’s going to sink.

Veronica very kindly lets him off the hook for the premiere. He doesn’t have to come socialize if he’s not in the mood. “Are you kidding? This is probably the only chance I’ll ever be invited to a Hollywood premiere.” They had Cole Sprouse say this on the Riverdale show.

Anyway, Jughead says he definitely wants to go, but he’s worried he doesn’t have the right clothes. My theory that Veronica has been picking out his outfits for him I think gets boosted by her revealing that she had a tuxedo customized to his measurements (When did she have time to measure him without his knowing? Has Veronica lost her virginity to Jughead Jones while we were being tortured with Archie Fucks a Prostitute side plot??). “Nothing but the best for my flutter bum,” she says. He is so grateful, and she gives him a little cheek pinch. I love this dynamic. Why am I getting it only in the last four episodes of the show.

Archie sits down with a photo of his dad to write about his pain. I wish I cared but I don’t.

Josie is laying her hands in cement for the premiere. There’s lots of press and people there. Jughead as the date of the theater owner gets to hang out, leaning while looking snazzy in his custom black suit, while all the other boys (the prostituters Archie and Reggie, and the egomonster gays Clay and Kevin) have to be ushers. Jughead is completely unstarstruck by Josie, whatsoever. He only looks at and listens to Veronica. He’s really there for the movie. There’s a very important movie critic in the house too.

The movie starts.

And then the projection fails as the film melts on screen to a halt.

If they hadn’t bothered showing me that in fact Clay and Kevin did manage to thread the projector and make it work properly for Veronica’s private viewing of the movie I would’ve had something different to say, but this just seems like an accident.

Clay and Kevin are trying to fix it. Veronica freaks out. “You two are the worst projectionists in the world! You’re fired, WE’RE NO LONGER FRIENDS, and -and from now on you’ll be paying full price for movie tickets!”

This is the first time I think I’ve ever seen Veronica act like an actual 17 year old in the past seven years of this show. This is extremely funny. The ‘Oh good god, I forgot you were 17!’ look that Josie gives Veronica about this ‘firing the projectionists in the middle of a premier’ is even funnier. Josie takes control. People start to leave, as Clay tells her that it will take about five minutes. Josie decides to put on a show to save the er, show.

We get another fabulous Eartha Kitt (I assume this is Eartha, but also she’s the only one I know) song performance. Even Jughead looks transported. “I invented myself!” This is quite the lyric. Everything about this is so upscale. Beautifully done. (And in retrospect, what a tawdry sad little show Polly Amorous is putting on nightly. Sad.).

After everyone has gone home, Veronica reports back to Josie about what the Wall St. Journal is going to say about Josie’s very important movie. “An atomic bomb exploded in Riverdale!” is one of the sentences. They keep saying this - radioactive, atomic bomb - in this episode. Please no. Please please please no no no - don’t go there, don’t do this (But I’ve seen the gifsets from American fandom, I know they go there and do that.). The review is such a rave that Josie starts crying.

“I’m not dreaming?” she asks Veronica.

Veronica is so generous and kind. She says it’s already happened, because Josie was always a star. Her bet for her own business also worked out really well. And alpha recognizes alpha because Josie asks if Veronica isn’t just treading water in Riverdale, managing a theater, when what she should be doing (as a 17 year old high school student) is making movies. Veronica’s eyes light up, which Josie sees, and comments on. She wants to work together with Veronica again.

Archie comes home from his exciting night at the movie theater to find that Uncle Frank is reading the poem he was working on about his pain about his father. The poster on Archie’s wall says, “Fly Home Today.” Yeah, seriously, Uncle Frank, fuck off. All that Archie’s poem says is that his dad is dead. For some reason, Frank freaks the fuck out. He rips up the poem after screaming. He forbids Archie from writing about Fred being dead “like that again.” Is this a genetic problem that both Andrews guys have, this inability to comprehend?

#riverdale episode recap #riverdale s7

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werewolfnick · 1 year

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I think with how slow I am progressing with Supernatural, I don’t think I will be finishing it before uni starts again. I kind of half expected this (the other half expected that I would). And I think there is some potential reasons why (which I will explain now):

1) I didn’t hyperfixate like I thought I would have. For those that have just started seeing my account because of the Supernatural posts, I am level one autistic (it is the mild form of autism, though I am still affected by it). I do hyperfixate on things for a certain period of time and it usually stops after sometime. Now, I did make a post about Supernatural basically saying ‘watch me hyperfixate on Supernatural’. Not gonna lie, I did think I would hyperfixate on the show (and I think I relied on that to potentially finish the show sooner). Now, I can’t control hyperfixations. But I was hoping that I would hyperfixate on it, but it didn’t happen. Am I going to stop the show? No. I am enjoying the show and I am truly loving Sam. I just didn’t hyperfixate on it.

2) There has been a lot of personal things happening outside of Tumblr. Mainly with dogs and with my mum. Not gonna say too much about this but lets just say that there were issues with a dog that we were thinking of the worst case scenario (which luckily wasn’t the case) and something else with mum that heightened one of my sensory issues.

3) After watching a few episodes at a time or during one episode, I feel like I have to take small break before continuing to process what happened. In this part, I am going to compare Supernatural to Teen Wolf (because it is the closest show I can compare it to because I have only completed so many shows). I was aware of the premise of Supernatural with Dean and Sam being hunters and there would be many creatures/legends. But, I wasn’t prepared for it to be an episodic thing. With Teen Wolf, it was a season thing. Like, there were 3 creatures max per season. What I mean about this is that there will 1-3 creatures that were the focus of that season. SPOILERS: in Teen Wolf, it was werewolves in season one with a hint of hunters, season 3A were kitsunes and the nemeton, season 3B was the Nogitsune, you get the point. Then there is Supernatural, where every episode is something different. A wendigo one episode, bloody mary another episode, the episode after about a kid who sees a spirit who tries to get her to k**l herself, etc, etc, etc. So, yeah.

4) Because of said thing that my mum had happen that heightened my sensory issues, she has been given the week off from work and lets just say, I have to listen out when she wants to talk with me. (Nothing bad happened, it was a minor thing that happened).

5) 15 seasons. I think the number of seasons had a factor in why I didn’t hyperfixate on it.

6) A little before I started watching Supernatural, I have this friend that I made on here June last year and we haven’t talked in a while and I am not going to lie, I think I may have fucked up somehow. And I am a little afraid to reach out to them. I don’t believe I have done anything wrong but my autistic brain jumps to these kind of conclusions before things are explained (I know everyone does this but autism heightens it for me).

Was there more I didn’t mention. Potentially, maybe I forgot a few. If I remember, I’ll post in comments. So, yeah, Supernatural is going to be like me watching Riverdale. It’s going to take sometime.

#supernatural #sam winchester #dean winchester #supernatural dean #supernatural sam #minor autism discussion

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daemosghost · 1 year

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I unironically did not hate the first two episodes of the Velma series. I actually like some of the design and was interested enough in the plot for it to not become background noise. The big thing here though is that they fucked up the characters the way that The CW fucked up all the Archie comics characters when making Riverdale, with that in mind, people could latch onto this in the same way they do Big Mouth and Riverdale and that garners it more seasons, or it flops after the first season.

Anyways, here's what I do have gripes with about the show:

Mindy Kaling stop adding your self inserts and stereotypes into shows you make challenge(impossible)

Why are they teenagers? Why are there sexual and nude scenes and talk of teenage character's genetalia? Why couldn't they be in college considering Kaling's other show does take place in a college setting?

Fred is rich and racist on top of being an incompetent child-like late bloomer for some reason. Like yeah he's still a himbo but his character in this show is.......... :/

Norville is a stoner in all Scooby Doo media except this one. They made him black and anti drugs in this one despite his food reviews still attracting the stoners. His dad looks more like Shaggy than he does. Also they made Norville's character an incel.

Daphne is no longer filthy rich and her adoptive parents are two incompetent gay cops. They thankfully didn't make her the dumb rich girl stereotype, but she deals drugs in order to raise enough money to find her biological parents. Her and Velma went on a childhood friends to ex friends to enemies to lovers in the span of two episodes??? I shipped them through watching all the other shows during my childhood but......??????

Velma is needlessly a judgemental and snarky asshole for literally no reason, she also for some reason comes from a broken household, her mom disappeared and her dad is a lawyer who spends more money on the waitress he got pregnant, the waitress cares more about her than he does tbh. Don't understand why they felt the need to add a scene of waitress woman stripping booty naked for pregnancy photos in front of Velma who is a teenager in this series tho...

There's a cop that looks like Don Knotts but doesn't sound like him? Yes the guy is dead but there are always imitators, you can't tell me Andy Griffith was such a successful show that does reruns to this day and no one in the past 60 years who saw him in that or other Scooby Doo media tried to imitate him. Essentially if people were able to find people that sound like Vincent Price or Michael Jackson, you definitely could've had someone at least try to to imitate Don Knotts voice.

The meta jokes are genuinely not funny, neither are the sex jokes are jokes about Fred's genetalia. [I laughed like twice and it was only when Daphne kept getting interrupted in the middle of her sentence by toilet flushes and the long pause when the person came out the bathroom to wash and air dry her hands before joining the rest of Daphne's group and some other time that I can't remember right now.]

The show feels overall like it wanted to be its own thing. I've heard small rumors that Warner made them include the Scooby Doo ip in this bit that is just a rumour. Though if it's true, it's wild that Warner set them up for so much failure and negativity like this.

#txt post #txt #text post #velma show #review #hbo #long post #cartoon

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feathers-fallen-on-riverdale · 2 years

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Season 1, Episode 1: Chapter 1 - The River's Edge These Aren't The People From My Polycule! (They Said What?)

[Ep. Statues: Already Watched/First Time Watching + Remember/Vaguely/Don't Remeber]

First off. It sort of slipped my mind that Jughead narrates the opening of each episode. Doesn't he become like a God type writer in the new season? Very Jensen coded of The CW to only know how to do one (1) thing.

Oh god that nasty "Welcome to Riverdale!" board.

Also I will probably be saying this a lot but what are these outfits? Cheryl and Jason are going for thier stupid little boat ride (really? A boat ride? In the morning? On July 4th?) dress all in white expect for Cheryl's bright red stilettos. Like no wonder first time watcher me though Cheryl killed her brother. All the white, the creepiness of the scene and the "are you scared Jason?" just convinced me Cheryl had ritualisticlly killed her brother in a fucked up horror movie girl kinda way. Instant way to make me stan her. Kinda disappointed she didn't (would now would also be a good time to mention that I completely forgot who actually killed Jason? Oops?). Anyway where is that AU? Where is that show?

"In those last moments I hope he suffered. May Jason Blossom burn in hell" ? Miss girl. Are we sure Betty's mom isn't the real family psychopath?

Also can we talk about Jughead in season 1. With his lil beanie and his camera. I'm like 90% he was written to be a movie nerd/buff then it was retconed to books and they never talk about it again? That was weird.

Lol okay so I forgot how privileged the Lodges are made out to be. But honestly, Veronica's mom? Kind of a MILF. Now that I think about it, aren't they like, the Riverdale Kardashians?

Girl naurrr the gay-bestfriend-ification of Kevin 😭💀. My mortal enemy. I will make Kevin a full fleshed character if it kills me. Kevin walked no-crawled so that Will from Stranger Things could stumble over to Mike only to be called a slur.

Also how old are these bitches supposed to be? 15 year olds do not look like that. What is in the water in Riverdale? Pfffff what am I talking about Archie is Just Like That TM.

Also something about the way the actors deliver thier lines. I can't explain it but it's hilarious. Maybe just cause it's the pilot and everything's a little stilted still.

Also I think Kevin wants to hit that (Archie). #LetKevinHitThat2022 #LetKevinBeArchiesGayAwakening2022

Oh Archie's music passion my beloved. I forgot that one too. Season 1 may not be as batshit as its descendants but it has it's gems.

Betty and Archie: having their disgusting little heterosexual talk

Me looked in the background: omg Pop Tate 😍😍😍

I used to laugh at the sketches of Riverdale on tiktok because the facial expressions were so greatly exaggerated. But nope, it's actually Just Like TM.

Omg Veronica's slow-mo entrance my beloved. Some would say it's over the top but honestly she's an icon, she's a legend and she is the moment. She deserves this.

Also I know I should be focused on the Archie and Veronica's meet-cute but there's this one shot of Betty's face that is absolutely sending me.

Betty said gay rights because I'm going to be homophobic towards a straight couple.

ALSO FRED ANDREWS. I LOVE YOU. I LOVE YOU. ARCHIE STOP BITCHING AT YOUR FATHER.

Forgot just how... Karen-like Betty's mom was in season 1. I know it's out of worry but I can't wait for her character to flesh out (as much as it can on a CW show). Also I did not know Betty has ADHD?

Archie, honey, what is your handwriting. Okay, if Betty has ADHD then I want Archie to be dyslexic. They bond over being neurodivergent and mistake that comradery for love.

Nasty ass early season Chad Reggie 🤮🤮🤮. Where is my is my mafia bimbo meow meow. Give him to me now.

What. What was this moment. ONLY The CW. I would only accept this moment if Veronica was wearing a little bi or pan flag. Hold on.

Guys she sewed them on herself! (her mother taught her!) (I know it looks like shit alright I'm horrible at editing)

JOSIE! AND THE PUSSY CATS. Okay but genuinely they sound really good.

JUSTIN GINGERLAKE ??! Oh she's savage I love her. Also Josie and her girlies all use she/they pronouns because I said so.

Also the way Veronica talks. How does Camilla Mendes pull it off. What ever they're paying her, double it.

"Are you two dating?"

"No we're just friends."

"No he's straight.'

I stand by my earlier statment, #LetKevinHitThat2022

Oh god. The one plot line I wish I could desperately forget is the one where Archie fucks his music teachers. How is nobody noticing these 2 eyes fuck infront of the entire gymnasium.

Oh Fred and Hermione 😔

"Is cheerleading still a thing?"

"Is being the gay best friend still a thing?"

Shots fired. I am loving the mlm wlw hostility. At least The CW got gay on gay violence right.

Cheryl? Body shaming! What year is this?

They're trying to make me like or feel sympathy for Grundy and it's not working. I'm just waiting for her to leave.

Okay no actually I need her to DIE. A student is asking for help because he's feeling guilty and scared of something he's witnessed but your saying no because you fucked him? 🔪🔪🔪

Beronica kiss hello? Young sapphic me blocked this out because they could not deal with the emotions and revelations this brought her. Also this is beginnings/foundation of the Riverdale polycule. Also that kiss was.... a little longer than necessary 😏.

Cheryl is not impressed tho and honestly good for her. But that baiting scene. Sheesh I'm not one to judge be get a better coping mechanism honey. Betty's half moon scars I remember vividly. I wonder if they ever resolved that plotline.

Also. VERONICA ACTUALLY POPPED OFF NOT CLICKBAIT!???!!!???

WE COME AS A MATCHING SET? I AM THAT RECKONING? SORRY CHERYL BOMBSHELL MY SPECIALITY IS ICE?

I am losing it. Is this Riverdale's version of "Freedom is a lenght of rope and God wants you to hang yourself"?

Nope, now I've lost it. That scene! Where Veronica is zipping up Betty's cheerleading outfit and the sweet music is playing and they're all smiles and giggles and she turns around and Veronica compliments her and Betty just touches her in the same way Veronica did her even though Veronica was already set! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH GOODBYE! The entire show could end right here and I wouldn't care. Also, I see you Veronica's black nail polish.

Oh Betty and Veronica's little chat after that felt very very real. Oh no this Supernatural all over again. Shit show, good moments that keep u coming back.

Okay Betty's mom is giving my mom vibes and that is not okay.

Fred's words to Archie about his future are ringing really true and are a really fresh and good twist on the parents dont support the kids passion trope.

Maybe this first season is actually good? Skdjkskdjd nah.

Omg our favourite trouple doing their entrance!

"What does your heart say?"

Archie: *looks over at Grundy*

Me: Come on, Grundy?!

Archie: *demands lessons*

Me: Oh he chose music!

Oh god.... I keep pausing the fantasy couple scene because I just can't.

Veronica and Kevin, mouthing: ask him about the polycule!

Betty, who can't read lips for shit: power couple? 🤔

The absolute silence on Archie's side. WHY did he look at Grunkle what's her face.

Let's see who's riding the ginger stallion tonight? WHO IS WRITING THESE SCRIPTS?

"Who are you asking for, you or Betty?"

Me: SAY BOTH

Veronica: *doesn't say both*

Me:

Me watching Archie and Veronica kiss even tho the polycule is in shambles before even fully forming:

Veronica and Hermione's relationship. God I wish I had something like that.

"Archie went looking for the girl next door. Instead he found me." Okayyyy, it's giving Jarchie.

Archie and Jughead's scene. First of all Jughead's dark humor. Love it. The talk to her. It'd go a long way. It'd have went a long way with me. Ooof. But also what did happen? Omg gay coming out went wrong!

Me watching the "I can't give you the answer you want" scene trying to focus on literally anything else but the forced monogamy in front of me: huh the way they shot this reminds me of the "I was there where were you scene".

Okay but let's put a pause on the polycule and talk about Barchie. Archie says something along the lines of "You are always perfect, I could never be good enough for you" and earlier on Betty said she's sick of being perfect, the perfect x,y,z for everyone else. I don't know if she's realised this but that may include being the perfect love interest for Archie. And Archie perceives her as Perfect when Betty just wants to be perceived. So if they were ever to get together, polycule or not they'd need to work past that.

Oh Moose. Didn't he just fade into the background as the show moved on or did I just forget him?

Oh Jason? Neat ig. Was he shot and his body dumped after the lake was searched? I can't even remember.

Unhinged rating: 3/10. There were some moments (mostly from Cheryl) mostly from the dialog and things I'd forgotten but this episode is really tame reconsidering my expectations for later seasons.

Tag list (you can ask to be added [or removed] though I doubt anyone will ask: @youre-only-gay-once

#riverdale #riverdale polycule #unhinged ep. review #barchie #jarchie #beronica #season 1 episode 1 the river's edge #archie andrews #betty cooper #jughead jones #veronica lodge #cheryl blossom #jason blossom #josie mccoy #josie and the pussycats #kevin keller #live slug reaction #live betty reaction #the cw

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yikesharringrove · 2 years

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Aight now we’ve got the dive

I’ve seen spoilers for this, of Steve diving into the underwater upside down gate and can u just say I CALLED IT.

Wow, it’s almost like an underwater gate is super cinematic and interesting ✌️🤪

Thots: had some great moments, but also had some of my least favorite moments of the season so far.

The California/Utah gang feels so fucking disconnected from everything else. They tried so so hard to shove Suzie into this season and made it a weird comic relief scene when the pen could’ve just had the coordinates hidden in it and they go right to the Nina project

The storylines are becoming so stretched that’s it’s hard for me to keep track of everything.

The whole satanic panic being spurred on by Jason is the worst thing stranger things has ever done. It feels like some cheap riverdale shit and that show sucks for a reason. I think it could’ve been mentioned like Eddie’s intro scene where he’s reading that article, but it’s taken such a focus that I can’t stand.

Steve Harrington is the light of my life but that’s not New information.

Anyway, this episode really lost me in a lot of ways but that ending with Steve being eaten alive was really tense

Notey note notes

Alright maybe now Jason can fucking CHILL

Ope. Nope. The opposite of chill

“How do you expect to stop the devil, if you don’t believe he’s real” maybe it’s my religious trauma talking, but the satanic panic shit needs to END I’m literally so so so over it

There’s just too much happening tbh. This military group looking for el and the team getting els powers back and the team in Hawkins helping max and the basketball boys hunting Eddie and the team going to Utah and the team in Russia and also hopper in Russia im Tired

The brenner redemption is the second to last thing I needed (the last thing I need is Steve/Nancy getting back together)

“You have demons in your past” AND YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR A LOT OF THEM

They are trying to redeem brenner and they couldn’t have been added to give billy a satisfying character arc???? What?????

“At least he can drink himself into feeling better” “that’s what my mom does” I’m WHEEZING nobody is pulling their punches today I see

Not even paying attention to what’s being said bc I’m so focused on Steve eating like a bear out of focus in the background

Steve in the yellow sweatshirt about to steal every scene (and also my heart)

Idk I just. They are constantly making sure Eddie knows they’re there for him and like. No one cared about billy.

THOSE MOUNTAINS HIT ME IN THE FACE LIKE A BRICK I FEEL SICK I KNOW THAT RANGE

Oh god oh Jesus Salt Lake City I’m. No. No.

Not them about to bring this Latinx man into the 80s mormons’ house.

Good shot, kid.

The way they are painting these kids as super weird kinda fucks actually but I just feel sick I’m so anti-Mormon it’s insane

MORTON SALT HELL YEAH

“Father’s kidneys!” Me except it’s my own fucked up kidneys

God this whole scene has but such a bad taste in my mouth

This ally sheedy bitch I hope she leaves the church and thrives

Joyce and Murray threatening yuri with these shitass Russian accents dream team I love them

Not me muting the scene of them eating bc of the chewing sounds ✌️🤢

Every time I see this plinko I think of the horse plinko from a few weeks ago lol

Not this stupid bitch using the royal we fuckin hate him

HES number one. Why is 1 get to be a special Pokémon trainer and the other kids are stuck??

Okay so NOW we get a Kali mention. So Kali did escape when she was like 3????? Bro what?????

“It wasn’t popular until I made it popular” everything Steve says is comedy just looking at him makes me smile a stupid fucking smile (also what is with his pants WHERE are the tight tight little jeans)

Okay but he’s RIGHT

WOW Patrick was targeted bc he’s been abused stranger things killing off ANOTHER abused kid just for the fun of it. Cool.

Goddamn thank god Lucas is getting back to his old self being THE MOST caring and thoughtful person I missed him

Robin SHUT UP do not talk about rekindling old flames NO ONE WANTS STEVE AND NANCY BACK TOGETHER STEVE HAS TOLD YOU THATS HES OVER HER PLS PLS PLS shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

I do like robin and Nancy getting closer like this though I think it’s good for them both

“bada bing bada boom” Italian Steve #confirmed

“In your stupid cocky little face” “you just can’t admit that you’re wrong you little butthead” your honor hes everything to me

Not Steve’s hair all slicked back like that WHAT

He’s never looked better

CLAUDIA HENDERSON

Bro Jason literally GO AWAY I fucking can’t with this satanic panic shit I know this is like. How it was but. I hate it I hate it here

Bash Jason’s head in with a rock challenge

Claudia fucking crying while Jason is saying Dustin is in a cult

“Last night I was overcome with this feeling of hopelessness. Then I remembered Romans 12:21” GO AWAY

I hate this I hate this I hate this

Jason as some weird religious Archie Andrews is just nothing that I wanted

I played my sister this scene bc it was so beyond shitty and she was like bro wtf

Claudia and Karen and Mrs. Sinclair making pointed eye contact with one another

Suzie has TWO byu flag things in her room this girl sucks

(Pls find the Black Menaces on Instagram and tiktok to understand the scope of why byu is a fucking nightmare)

Suzie and this guilt thing it’s bc Mormons use guilt like a fucking weapon so they can’t deal when they do something Bad

“I was dating an agnostic” also mos aren’t supposed to date until 16 sooo

Oh shot the pta is here Claudia Henderson loml

“A stake is like a vamp-is he a vampire?” STEVE HARRINGTON CANON BUFFY FAN YES YES YES THIS IS WVERYTHING IVE EVER NEEDED PLEASE GOD OH SHIT OH SHIT wow the way Steve’s whole life revolves around the original movie omg he’s gonna be so excited when the tv show comes out

“Everything was like way easier. We had this girl. She had superpowers.” I’m just writing down literally everything he says

BACK TO THE COMPASS YES love that they’ve brought this back from season one so so happy with that call back

“Snack size gate”

Steve #1 drama queen award

“What’s say you Eddie the Banished” I love that they’ve never stopped making Dustin’s weirdness his #1 personality trait

“I say you’re asking me to follow you into Mordor” literally he’s billy from every single fic over written FUCK

Brenner teaching them to be emotionless fighting machines bitch disgusting

So does this mean Kali is the only one with different powers???

There’s so many plots happening that every I only remember who’s on screen at a time like the California gang and the Russia gang are not in my brain unless they’re on screen

But this Murray yuri parent trap princess switch FUCKS I love this idea so so much

This fight is gotta be staged to help them get out

CALLED IT

The way hopper s a fucking genius I can’t. Like, you want head?

Anyway in case you’re wondering how the Mormons are doing

Badly.

I was gonna make a joke earlier about how the names aren’t Mormon enough and I was gonna specifically say “where’s the tanner?” Bc I have 3 cousins named tanner BUT one of the kids IS named tanner there you go

“What’s the internet” “don’t worry about it”

Suzie is the og dataminer

“I think we just spooked a skunk” NOPE JUST YOUR SISTER HOTBOXING WITH ARGYLE amazing

The writers have watched to much fucking riverdake I hate it here

“Who put her in charge?” “I did.” GAY

“Bedtime at nine kiddos. Miss you already!” R O B I N

Bro what the FUCK is going on in here on this day

These older kids are wildin out “you shamed me today” ????

Yeah I really think Kali is the only one with unique powers good for her

“Unless one of you can top being a Hawkins high swim team co-captain and a certified lifeguard for three years it’s gotta be me. No complaints, alright?” SWIMMER STEVE CONFIRMED

YES CHEST HAIR YES YES YES HES SO HOT I AM LOOKING DISRESPECTFULLY I AM OBJECTIFYING

“I keep telling him he needs to take that jungle” no he does NOT

MAX HELL YES

I love her just shameless ogling Steve she deserves it. She totally always thought he was hit and billy would make fun of her for it and she’d be like ‘you think he’s hot too shut up’

Lucas just looking back and forth between the boat and max for twenty minutes this is a comedy show

God this Nancy/Steve shit I wish I was dead

Okay that dive did not say swim team co captain Steven

Omg Dustin’s tiny singular giggle after saying watergate king shit

Not Steve painlessly holding his breath for an hour and a half

Okay but the way his hand was shaking as he went to touch the gate membrane thing

Oh shit they’re doing a good job ramping up the tension here with the cops showing up and the vines reaching up for this group

“More of a snack sized gate than a mama gate but still” love u

That moment when he first gets yanked and then he looks at them, looks down, then looks back at them and then gets yanked harder. Amazing

Wow rip to Steve’s ankle

Oh SHIT Dustin and Lucas don’t realize the whole town is fucking hunting them FUCK

Oh god of course robin is a nose plugger

Eddie’s voice raising twelve octaves while he’s yelling and freaking out king shit

Steve first time in the upside down welcome 2 hell baby love

So in tremors 1 we have the graboids. Season 1 we have the demogorgons. The biggest, full size version of the creatures. Completely practical effects. Maintained anonymous until final reveal while attacking protagonist. Tremors 2: aftershocks brings shriekers and season 2 brings demodogs. Smaller creatures that have ability to run on land. Smarter but also dumber than the full size. Tremors 3: back to perfection has ass-blasters and season 4 has demobats. This ‘flying’ counterpart utilizes the most disappointing cgi of the 3 and feels a bit forced.

Steve getting choked 👀

Oh jesus christ these fuckers are really dining out on our Steven. He really though he was gonna die alone in the upside down being eaten alive by monsters oh god oh fuck

Wow good ending here

#I have written Steve in yellow lingerie before bc I knew he’d look SO GOOD in yellow and guess who was right #ME #if anyone is actually reading ALL of my barely coherent thoughts I’m so so sorry #yikes talks #st4 #stranger things spoiler #strangerthingsspoilers

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igarbagecannoteven · 7 months

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👀🧠-♥️

hi annie!! thanks so much for stopping by i hope you're doing well 💙

👀: okay so neither of these are 5sos fics but i'll give two different vibes to keep things interesting :)) first off we've got Slitherdale by JombleBoingus which bella read to me out loud after we finished the final season of riverdale and it made me laugh so hard i was actually gasping for air! you don't need any knowledge of riverdale in order to enjoy it so. yeah sdkfjlskdjfljd You're On Your Own, Kid by ohmygodshesinsane which is a heartbreaking marauders-era character study of marlene mckinnon that' just. ohhhh my gosh so heartbreaking and so good and really struck a cord with me in how it talks about relationships and i just. i don't even usually read marauders-era stuff (or much hp fic in general) but this was very well done.

🧠: okay i don't know how long a ramble this is going to be but i am currently entrapped by the television show of all time, aka riverdale and i'm just sorta gonna word vomit about it a little bit so um. yeah you are under no obligation to read this. putting it under a cut bc. yeah. i'm crazy i'm a crazy person do you see me writing my own speech patterns into tumblr posts that's crazy sdkljflkdjs

OKAY so currently thinking about how jughead claims that he and veronica are supposed to be foils to archie and betty which like, on one hand kinda, but on the other hand not really i feel like they're more, not foils exactly but two sides of the same coin but different? i'm missing a word but whatever that is for each other. while archie and betty are both solidly middle class, jughead and veronica are on the extreme opposite ends of the spectrum, with veronica being pretty wealthy and jughead being from the "wrong side of the tracks". jughead is homeless in season one (and seems to have been living that way for a while) while veronica has just been "displaced" since most of her family's wealth has been seized since her father was arrested for embezzlement. in season one she tries to comfort ethel, whose parents are worried they're going to lose their house due to money troubles, by saying that she knows what it's like to lose a home even though the conversation is taking place in the dining area of her penthouse/fancy apartment. she does kinda try to relate to jughead this way as well but not as explicitly (possibly bc she knows he'll call bullshit) HOWEVER despite the fact that it seems like veronica and jughead's living situations couldn't be more different, in the final season (spoiler alert) veronica gets locked out of her parent's flat and is forced to live in the movie theater where she works just like how jughead lived at the drive- movie theater *he* worked at in the very first episode!!! (obvs there are still key differences since veronica owns the movie theater but my point still stands) continuing to compare s7 veronica with episode 1 jughead, while in the beginning jughead's parents were the absent ones with his mother and sister in another state and his dad an alcoholic gang member, in s7 veronica's parents are now absent as they've sent her to riverdale to live by herself despite the fact that's only fifteen or sixteen. they've both been put in positions where the adults in their life expect them to be fully self-sufficient while still in high school and don't even bother to check in regularly to make sure they're actually doing okay. then there's their belief that their respective besties are much better, more perfect people than they are, despite the really obvious signs that they aren't perfect (archie's vigilante complex, "dark betty", etc) but there's the difference in how they handle those feelings, with jughead mythologizing archie to the point that he warps reality around this fact while continuing to view himself as an outsider in archie's life, while meanwhile veronica spends much of season 1 trying to deserve to be betty's friend by becoming a better person and eventually (spoiler alert) falls in love with her in s7 and AAAAAAA there are so many more parallels and/or juxtapositions btwn these two but i'm gonna shut up now thank you for your time.

#i applied to eleven different trader joes locations only for them to say in their emails that they might not get back to me for at least 3 #weeks the bastards #oh well war is hell etc etc #thank you for indulging me annie ksdjfkldjs #answering mail #annie #i feel like i should tag riverdale sklfdjlkdjfklsdj

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raymondebidochonlifechoices · 2 years

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To summarise:

The title of the episode is The Jughead Paradox, that is to say: The Writer(s)’ Paradox, and, hoo, boy, there’s quite a bit of that!

On the outskirts of Rivervale lies a dead body. This will turn out to be Jughead’s. Or, rather, a Jughead’s. Fine, it’s Jug Serling’s aka Narrator!Jughead’s.

Much like the writers, the Vale’s characters have no regard for continuity. Previously deceased Archie, Toni, Reggie and Nana Rose, come back to life. Everyone believes the events of the last 4 episodes to be simple nightmares. If only.

Jughead, in particular, dreams of an explosion in Archie’s room and wakes up in said redhead’s garage with his feet dirty. He gets back to his and Tabitha’s apartment thinking he sleepwalked there.

He’s back to teaching at RHS and is having first day jitters: he keeps reliving moments from the show’s pilot. Daytime hallucinations are a symptom of paranoid schizophrenia, unhelpfully informs him not!dead!Ben Button.

Dr Curdle Jr, the great Bughead connoisseur, informs Betty of Jug Serling’s cadaver and, thus, of the existence of a second Jughead. Betty, who in this universe is engaged to Archie, and is about to share her life and his one brain cell, does not believe the good doctor.

Jughead, however, does. He visits the morgue, where he (aka writer!Jughead) and Jug Serling (aka narrator!Jughead) meet: time stands still and so does my heart!

Dr Curdle informs Jughead that his double’s cadaver was found in the Lonely Highway, which is quite a generous term for that muddy dirt road leading to Fox Forest.

Among narrator!Jughead’s effects, Jughead finds a Rivervale comic book with Barchie getting married on the cover. It reads: America’s Typical Teenagers. I’m tickled!

Jughead reads through his comic book collection of Riverdale and Rivervale (that he doesn’t remember acquiring) in record time. Then, in typical Jughead fashion, he makes the rounds to inform everyone about it.

He starts with Tabitha, who declares that she remembers everything she read in the Riverdale comics but as happening in the Rivervale universe. This is indeed a paradox, since Tabitha wasn’t in Riverdale 7 years ago … Oops!

The biggest paradox, though, is not how the events of the Dale play out differently in the Vale but that they apparently play differently for each character! I mean, no one comments on Jason’s death except from Cheryl. Double Oops!

Dale!People also appear to have forgotten what happened recently in the Vale (see above: nightmares) but this does not become a point of discussion when confronted with Jug’s comic book knowledge. As Jughead said: it’s counterintuitive.

S1 Reggie makes an appearance, because there is no universe where Reggie does not seek out Veronica.

Teacher Jughead spends his time investigating, because there is no version of Riverdale where there are actual classes.

Everyone talks in this universe, including Jason, but not Kevin. The shade!

Imagine you’re an actor. You get a job in Riverdale. And your line is: “I’m sorry Mr Jones. The Philosophy of Parallel Universes was checked out years ago and never returned.” This is the stuff Emmy Nominations are made off. No?

Everybody is teaching at RHS, including Dilton Doiley and Ethel Muggs. This only serves as affirmation that the Vale is, indeed, an aberration.

Dilton and Ethel explain your basic parallel universe theory to noob Jughead.

Apparently, parallel universes are supposedly copies or mirror images of the prime universe. Except in the case of Rivervale. Of course. I don’t know why I expected differently.

Everything was set off by Hiram’s bomb. OMG! THE SHEER POWER OF HIRAM LODGE! The man. The mobster. The creator of Universes! What a legend.

Stop trying to figure out the secrets of the universe, says the character (Dilton) who’s researching parallel universes in his spare time. Oohh, is that academic rivalry?

A bunch of anomalies appear. More and more dead people come to life. The Black Hood kidnaps Jason Blossom.

Who the hell is the Black Hood, asks Betty who read Jughead’s comic books just the previous day and should have already known the answer.

Apparently, it’s a fair question, because in spite of his comic book knowledge, Jughead himself doesn’t know who the Black Hood is, although he uses said comic book knowledge to locate Jason at the Whyte Wyrm. Wait, what?

Surprise anomaly: he’s Clifford Blossom.

Jughead doesn’t question Hal’s presence either, although He. Has. Read. The Comic. Books. Le sigh …

Reggie is a comedic duo all by himself.

For someone previously completely unaware that he was living in a pocket universe, Dilton Doiley has some nerve posturing about documenting a prime and pocket universe collapsing in real time to the person who made the discovery of said parallel universe in the first place. That little bitch! He was not going to share credit with Jughead, was he? The punishment for lack of academic ethics in Rivervale is death. Hmmm ... maybe there’s merit in saving this universe after all.

Both universes will be destroyed unless Rivervale ceases to exist by reproducing the moment of its conception (aka the explosion), says Ethel. Jughead decides that if anyone is going to explode while making out, that’s gonna be him. Maybe he though a different kind of explosion?

He dumbs Ethel and goes out to find Veronica.

Archie what are you doing here, asks Archie’s best man who skipped Archie’s wedding to make out with Veronica.

Meanwhile, Archie has killed her and is about to off Jughead too. There’ll be no Vughead on Archie’s watch.

Everybody has daddy issues in Riverdale but no one quite like Archie Andrews. Yikes! On the other hand, Archie thinking that a whole universe would be created just for him, actually tracks!

Archie supposedly knows everything about Rivervale because he was there at the moment of its creation. Betty Cooper, who was also there, miffed because she was not being informed on anything, shoots him in the head.

Jughead and Betty are one Hiram, one chunk of palladium, one curse and one Jughead writing in the garage short to accurately recreate the confluence of forces that gave birth to Rivervale but that doesn’t stop them from seizing an opportunity to make out.

It took Archie 4 episodes to come back from the dead but Narrator!Jughead was up in no time! Your construction worker/palladium miner/football coach/war veteran/firefighter could never!

Bughead are interrupted by Jug Serling (aka Narrator!Jughead) who tells them all about unravelling the great mysteries of the universe(s) while stuffing himself with burgers at The Great Pop’s Chock’lit Shoppe in the Sky. That’s why, he says, he was resurrected and he came back. The how remains unclear but let’s use our imagination!

Come with me and you’ll be in a world of pure imagination sings Gene Wilder Narrator!Jughead, who has dreamed of expanding out of all the autobiographical stuff and into TV writing. Imagination is the power source to maintain Rivervale without harming Riverdale, says Narrator!Jughead. It makes sense: everything in this show so far has been a huge stretch of my imagination.

Writer!Jughead is to be secluded in order to rebirth the Vale using his trusted Underwood, keeping that universe alive by constantly feeding it stories, while Narrator!Jughead and Betty will set off the bomb. The writer lives a solitary life after all. Oh, the Symbolism! Oh, the Bathos! The Riverdale writers clink their champagne glasses and get ready for another bout of social media trolling.

Betty sees the opportunity to possibly snog Narrator!Jughead and agrees.

Jughead lives to his reputation of being a talented writer by resetting Rivervale without detonating any bombs.

Although no one is supposed to remember him, Ethel pops by the Bunker to bring him some burgers, because why not …

Unfortunately, unlike in the Vale, in the Dale the story isn’t written by Jughead, so not much improvement is to be expected: the bomb goes off. No barchie are harmed during this. Jughead’s hearing is another story.

Toffee has reluctantly left Pop’s Great Chock’lit Shoppe in the Sky for the Vale Bunker. Cats have nine lives, after all, and, yes, some of them are parallel. She’s slurping milkshakes while editing Jughead’s manuscript. She’s gonna put things right.

#Riverdale season 6 #Riverdale season 6 spoilers #Rivervale #s6 recaps

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thetaoofbetty · 2 years

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Veronica is an iconic character that deserved better from Riverdale and I think Cami does a good job with the sometimes (mostly) awful dialogue she gets. At first I was so excited for Latina Veronica but I truly dislike how they made her family part of the mafia (because that’s not stereotypical at all), that and making all her story lines revolve around a man (that being Archie, Hiram or Chad) and truly, Cami deserves better treatment and the amount of hate she gets from BAs for breathing and just as much as show support for Veronica or VA is awful and disgusting. I see it all the time. The hate towards Cami is insane. I need a Veronica focused episode that speaks about HER but at this point I see it unlikely which is sad.

it's honestly infuriating that we got an entire background episode of what happened to archie and jughead over the jump but veronica almost dies in a helicopter crash? betty spent two weeks in the murder hole? and we get nothing on that?

*breathes in slowly and exhales*

that's not even touching the stereotypes which are ridiculous.

i would love to have seen more of veronica's life in new york before she moved to riverdale or more of her life after high school (all of the women, tbh). and not having it connected to any of the men in her life so it ultimately serves their story and not hers would have been even better.

my kingdom for an after high school story of betty and veronica working things out or something, crossing each other's paths? i am not that picky, i swear, roberto. 🥺

the cami hate is gross and really telling since they tried to drag her for a personal preference and then acted like kj was trying to troll people. as if kj cares enough about any of it to bother to mess with people. 😭

another anon under the cut:

BAs love or hate characters according to convenience , they suddenly LOVE Jughead because he is having scenes with Archie and finally being "a good friend" when Jughead has been the only solid friend between the two. They LOVE him because he is currently not having scenes with Betty that suggests anything romantic when just 3 episodes ago they were mocking his hearing issue and calling him a bad friend as if he isn’t the reason BA is even alive after the bomb. But watch them do a switch up when BH inevitably get the investigation story line and spent time together.

—archie, god love him, has been a terrible friend to jughead. i saw that they were trying to say jughead was a bad friend about fred and it's like, oh okay. so you didn't watch those episodes?? at least watch clips before opening your mouth.

they were gross about his hearing loss, ugh. and yeah, they're going to act up once it's betty and jughead investigating without archie. especially if archie is working with veronica or the b/a scenes keep going the way they're going.

They also LOVE Tabitha but as an accessory for Jug. This is the same fandom that has been whining about how next weeks episode is going to be all about her and probably won’t feature any BA scenes. And of course they’ll use any opportunity replace Veronica with Tabitha. They just hate Veronica because she’s a threat. I can’t wait for J*bitha to be over to see what’s going to happen, if she going to be the new part of core 4 of Riverdale or since she’s not longer useful they’ll stop rooting for her? The answer if the second because I have never seen a BA talking about Tabitha as an individual.

—they've (and jug stans) have given me so much shit for being like, hey, what's tabitha up to when she's not orbiting jughead? like that's somehow a messed up take to them? to want a character to be more than the man she's attached to? that's the hill they're willing to die on? okay. that's fine. i want that for all of the female characters, it's really that simple for me so if it's wrong to them, whatever.

yeah, i saw some of the stuff they said about the tabitha focused episode since they thought it was going to be a big b/a ep. their struggle to reconcile wanting the big love scene/confession they decided they were getting with not being "problematic" in the way they've been accusing others this whole time was real.

#besos!#anonymous #rd negativty #anti b*archie shippers

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zalrb · 2 years

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elena: *slightly pricks her finger* stefan: *sincerely concerned* "did it hurt?" stefan, honey, please... it was a pin prick. this girl would stick one of those stainless steel straws in her neck for you if she had to.

Of course I answered the wrong ask. My bad!

Ask I thought I was answering:

I’ve actually answered various versions of this ask over the years but usually I’m limited and this time I’m not, so, sure I’ll do it again. As always, everything in italics is from old posts and you can find the full posts of these excerpts in the master list.

Stelena was about savouring being with each other, it was about connecting with each other, which also brings me to this, there’s so much eye contact between Stefan and Elena because they want to see each other, they want to engage with each other, they really want to feel each other.

I do not want to be afraid I do not want to die inside just to breathe in I’m tired of feeling so numb Relief exists I find it when I am cut

Is the actual “seeing” it’s the turning point because neither Stefan nor Elena want to be afraid anymore, they’re tired of being living ghosts, they’re tired of running from each other, they don’t want to feel anymore pain just to feel anything at all, they want to feel something good and they feel it together, which is why Stefan allows her to see him and she doesn’t only accept what she sees, she embraces it, she embraces him and that provides relief for the both of them; she’s relieved that he stopped running, he’s relieved that he can stop running

[...] 1x20 is when Elena delivers. 1x20 is when we see that commitment, those words in action, in play and it’s when we see how much they actually love each other and what they’re willing to do for one another, we see a strong sense of loyalty. Stefan is trying to scare Elena because he doesn’t want to hurt her but Elena stubbornly refuses to leave his side and when she stands her ground and stares Stefan down, Stefan’s veins disappear because he could never actually hurt her, he could never put her in danger, he can only love her, protect her in any way he can.

it’s the epitome of angst. why? because elena broke up with stefan the episode before, she made her boundaries perfectly clear, and then now, she seems to be doubling down on not wanting to be with him and he accepts it and then she says [she can’t lose the way she feels about him] and his impulse is to go to her, to touch her, to talk about what she just said, but he restrains himself from doing any of these things and yet instinctively moves toward her like those words are pulling to him? and she feels it? but she’s also resisting the impulse to go to him so it’s just this charged moment???

OK so you know how I always go on about how Delena tells and Stelena shows, the doorstep 1x08 gaze vs. the 6x08 dialogue demonstrates this.

Delena:

Stelena:

Throughout this entire exchange, Elena is doing her best to shut him down, distance herself, try and build walls back up

but she can’t do it, just look at that gaze, she’s gone, there’s nothing she can do about it at this point and she doesn’t have to spell it out, she just looks at him

and we see it throughout the season -- i mean it’s in all seasons but in season one, it’s this complete enrapture against the mystery of Stefan and Elena coming out of her shell

With no one else does she convey being so struck and so mesmerized. This is the kind of chemistry necessary for a ship shows/movies push the ‘instant attraction/connection’ sl with because it’s exactly what it’s supposed to be in the script

[…] it’s interesting for me to answer this question after reviewing Riverdale because the blood-share scene relies almost entirely on chemistry, if Stefan and Elena had the kind of [non] chemistry Betty and Jughead had then that scene would not work but because Nina and Paul are feeding off of each other, they’re selling the significance of the scene [...] And then when Stefan decides to bite her wrist, he doesn’t just do it and he doesn’t just hesitate, he looks Elena directly in the eye all the way up until he feeds, there’s a constant connection, there’s an unstated “if you change your mind at any point, I will back the fuck off” and Elena being like, “I’m not changing my mind, go ahead” and this can only work if the two actors have chemistry to pull it off otherwise it falls flat, otherwise it’s “I see what you did there but it’s not working”, this is “Oh you did that shit!”

Because they’re explicitly, palpably vibing throughout the entire episode, it never lets up.

it’s just so soft.

This is adorable because they’re kind of embarrassed by how hot they are for each other so they’re giggling/smiling and then Stefan has to sit across the room so they can chill the fuck out since Jenna and Jeremy are both downstairs and I’m pretty sure the door is open.

This is such an underrated gaze because Stefan’s expression is so raw not because he’s stuck in the tomb but because he thought Elena was in trouble and he ran in to get her out and Elena is realizing what he’s done so she’s about to panic about him being in the tomb, essentially they’re both thinking about the other.

Earlier in the episode Stefan and Elena argue about Stefan’s need to drink human blood, it is their biggest obstacle at this point because human blood is a gateway to Stefan’s depravity, his demons, and after what happened in the latter half of season 1, of course Elena doesn’t want him to drink from it, it’s a very loaded argument between the two of them, which ends with them actually getting closer together, being more entwined with each other since Elena not only gives him her blood to drink but reaffirms how she’s not leaving his side no matter what. And when Stefan drinks and Elena sees his veined face, she has enough faith in his love for her, her love for him, their commitment to each other for her to kiss him to settle his ripper urges and it works. And then afterwards, because of all of that, because of their argument and their reconciliation and Elena’s faith and Stefan’s commitment, when they stare at each other, it’s this “I love you so much” stare but Stefan looks at Elena like “So I love you so much and we’re about to go upstairs so you can know how much”.

The pure joy and relief at being back together when they weren’t even acting like they were broken up when they for real broke up is adorable.

What I actually adore about that scene is that Elena is the one that’s hurt, she’s the one who stabbed herself and once Stefan heals her, she puts her hands on his face and looks at him to see if he’s OK because she knows how much seeing her hurt scares him

Elena hurries to stand in front of him so he won’t get harmed and she kisses him as a way to take his mind off of doing something stupid and I think as a way to still herself, to ready herself for what’s about to happen. And the way she whispers I love you with such earnestness and sadness and complete devotion, how her fingers sort of stroke his face, once again solidifies just how much she loves him. What I like about how Stefan says I love you, they’re both teary-eyed and terrified and out of their minds with worry but Elena manages to smile at hearing him tell her he loves her and he manages to smile at seeing her smile because they can rely on their relationship to keep them strong

What’s funny about that scene to me is that their stares start charged and angsty but when contact is made we just get to these knowing look sand then they both just get these caveman eyes.

it’s legit like he took her breath away and it’s pure Dobsley chemistry, that gaze, that connection, like they don’t break eye contact.

And then this stare that she has when they’re finally looking at each other it’s reminiscent of the gaze she has when he feeds from her in 2x05 and it’s that same awe of what’s happening, awe of that connection, of that feeling that they share, this bond, this love, this intimacy. And when he says in case there is no later and is about to walk away the gaze she has is reminiscent of the gaze she has in 1x10. Almost like wonder. “Is this really happening?” “Can I really be this affected by another person?” Like I said, familiarity and novelty, which is why I have an SE fanfic called “The First Time and The Hundredth” because they have a tendency to look at each other like it’s the first time and the hundredth and that is what I liked about the 3x22 kiss as opposed to the kiss itself.

I focus on the right gif a lot:

I love every SE scene of 3x14. I like it because that entire episode encapsulates the push-pull, can’t-fight-it, overwhelmed, I-just-love-them-so-much narrative that DErs insist DE has […] what I love about the dance itself is that it starts off a little awkward, Elena is kind of wrong-footed and she doesn’t really know how to act but then Stefan makes a joke and then it hits her that this is Stefan and she’s comfortable and at ease and they naturally fall back in place and they smile at each other because this is them, this is their history, their present, their future, this is Stelena and there’s just such security between the two of them and their dancing becomes less stiff, they’re not like everyone else in the ballroom who are rigidly sticking to the way they’re supposed to dance, and then during the dance, Stefan reaffirms that he is indeed still Stefan by simply being Stefan which leads to some serious eye sex

But I love the left gif and that scene so much because the ANGST

and then when they’re outside and Elena asks for Stefan’s help, he has the opportunity to tell Elena that he still cares about her and he hesitates and she’s hopeful, she is silently pleading with him to let her in and you can see that he wants to so much but he just can’t do it

[…] with Stelena, Dobsley chemistry is reciprocal, neither of them shrink in response to the other, they feed off each other’s energy almost like with each look they tether themselves to the other, Nina/Elena looks neither young nor impressionable nor awkward, she looks and feels evenly matched and confident and Paul/Stefan looks intent on Nina/Elena as opposed to predatory; neither of their presence dominates the other.

Nina describes it best:

Because this is a visual representation of there is a bond between these two, a trust, a devotion, an intimacy that Damon just can’t touch. He just can’t. And I’ve said this before about SE but one of the reasons why they work so well for me is because their love is treated as fact, their connection is treated as fact, it just is, this is just how they are and everyone else has to watch it.

if you notice, a lot of the time when it’s revealed (usually by Damon) to Elena that Stefan has slept with someone else, he looks guilty, like he’s cheated on Elena and they always make eye contact so he sees her reaction and reacts to that:

And he knows that she’s upset [...] every time they had their glances when she was jealous it makes me think of this scene between Dan and Serena in 2x12 when Dan is going to sleep with someone else and they say [“why does it feel like we’re breaking some mythological tie?” “i don’t know ... but it does.”]

are you broken up, or nah?

Are You Broken Up, Or Nah?

ARE YOU BROKEN UP, OR NAH?

But really, with SE, you actually do see a magnetic connection, a pull, a draw, a ... falling into the other’s gravity if you will and it’s why I just can’t take the fact that that’s supposed to be an aspect of delena seriously.

I go on about this stare so much but the sheer amount of longing here? I still think it’s incredibly underrated because they’re talking about this life, this beautiful, perfect life they could’ve had together and Stefan is kind of tiptoeing around how good it felt but when Elena says “amazing?” and he just looks at her like so we’re going to say it? so you felt it? so you know how I feel? and he validates it with a “yeah” and my girl exhales like that? COME ON.

And then 6x21 rolled around and Stefan and Elena had that brief moment together and I was hit with my SE feels and I remembered, I remembered in that moment what it was about Stelena I loved so much and I realized that Steroline would never be able to make me feel that way, that they would never have that intimacy or that chemistry or that connection, like they just never could.

They’re just really sexy stares.

#stelena #stefan salvatore #elena gilbert #the vampire diaries #dobsley #paul wesley #nina dobrev #stefan x elena #elena x stefan #anti tvd #anti julie plec #anti caroline dries #tvd #stelena gazes #stelena stares

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where-theres-smoak-2 · 3 years

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Blossom Curse, Betty and Barchie Baby Theory.

So I am back on the theory train today and I’ve been thinking about the recent trailer for the five episode event and also Abigail’s curse in 5x19. I have come up with a theory around that curse, it does get a little confusing in places but bear with me, I think it all makes sense in the end.

At the moment Barchie seem to have a thing about bombs, the first being the one under Archie’s bed that interrupted their reunion and now the baby bomb that was dropped in the trailer. Here’s the thing though I think that line might have a significance in what’s coming up in season 6 and the curse that was put on their ancestors.

One of the things that I think is really significant is that whilst Abigail is Cheryl’s ancestor she is also Betty’s ancestor. I actually made a blossom family tree to try and make myself a little clearer here:

When you stop to think about it technically Betty has as much Blossom blood as Cheryl does, she is as much Abigail’s ancestor as Cheryl is. Both of their great grandfather’s were Blossoms, they were brothers. Despite having different surnames Cheryl and Betty still share an equal amount of blossom blood. Speaking of Betty’s surname and identity as a Cooper another thing I saw talked about alot after the season 5 finale was that it didn’t make sense that Beatrice Cooper was Betty’s ancestor because her family were Blossoms until her great grandpappy changed their family name to Cooper. So we get two versions of this story, the first is in season 1 when Hal says that Great Grandpappy Blossom murdered Great Grandpappy Cooper who was his brother, after this the family took a new name, Cooper. The second time we hear the story it is a retcon in Season 2 ep 21 when Hal confesses that actually it was Great Grandpappy Copper who killed Great Grandpappy Blossom but again says the line ‘then took on the Cooper name’. I actually have a theory on this. We can assume that Grandpappy Cooper was married at the time, so to me if you were in a situation where you were having to change your name to reinvent yourself it would be better to take a name that you are at least some what familiar with and that the people around you are familiar with. I feel like it would make sense for him to take his wife’s maiden name. That way if anyone asks any questions they can claim to be relatives of the Cooper family and in some way its the truth, Betty’s great grandmother, being an actual Cooper, could answer any questions that might come up about the Coopers accurately helping maintain their cover. By making Betty’s great grandma a true Cooper and a descendant of Beatrice Cooper it makes Betty having Blossom blood and a Cooper ancestor make sense within the canon of the show and the story of the current Coopers being a branch of Blossoms.

Ok so how is this relevant to Abigail’s curse? Well I am going to assume that Abigail designed the curse to not effect her own descendants, those of her own blood. Therefore the magic within the curse may get confused when it comes to Betty because she has both the blood of one of those cursed and of the one doing the curse. Not to mention as I mentioned before Betty is as much a Blossom bloodline wise as Cheryl and if Cheryl has witches blood due to her connection with Abigail then technically so too does Betty. My theory that whilst her having Blossom blood won’t break the curse completely maybe it will have less of an effect on her because of it.

Then we have Polly and Jason’s children. Technically Juniper and Dagwood due to the accidental incest have more Blossom blood then anyone else alive in Riverdale now. Like Cheryl and Betty that also means that technically they have witches blood too. On top of that like Betty they are both, through their mother also related to Beatrice Cooper. Again I think this will mean the curse will have less of an effect on them.

Which brings me to the barchie baby. Now I am not sure if they are actually going to commit to this and have Betty become pregnant with Archie’s child. I have seen alot of people saying it is too soon, but we also have to bear in mind a few things. Firstly we don’t know when exactly this plotline happens, it could be in the first episode or it could be in the fifth. We also don’t know how much time has passed between the season 5 finale and 6x01 or even how much time will pass across the five episode event. Barchie could be months into their relationship by the time they have this conversation. So whilst it might be sudden for us it might not be for them. Also they have just gone through that whole experience with the bomb which might make them feel like life is short and make them think about the things they want from their lives. Or maybe they just want to have a baby which is fine too. I mean they are two consenting adults and its up to them when they decide they are ready to have a child. But all of that aside if they do go the baby route I actually think this could be the key to breaking Abigail’s curse. Like I said I think Betty, Juniper and Dagwood having the blood of both the cursed and the curse caster is going to ‘confuse’ the curse if that makes any sense. But if Barchie have a baby then that baby will have Blossom, Cooper and Andrews blood. Cue second family tree I made in an attempt to make this actually make some kind of sense, so purple is blossom blood, pink is cooper blood, blue is Andrews blood and green any unrelated to the curse bloodlines from spouses. Those with more than one colour show the colours of all the bloodlines they have:

I think the fact that there are quite a few people in Riverdale with ‘tainted’ or ‘diluted’ blood will weaken curse then if Barchie become pregnant I think the fact that there will be a living being, even an unborn one, in Riverdale that has Blossom blood along with not one but two of the cursed families will just break the curse.

Of course the other option is I’ve just overthought this all but hey I had fun whilst thinking too much into it. But hopefully it makes some kind of sense, it does in my brain lol.

#barchie #riverdale speculation #riverdale spoilers #abigail blossom #betty cooper

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ravenadottir · 2 years

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hey there, i'm the anon that ask your opinion on Will and Thabi. first off, thank you for reassuring me that what i'm trying wasn't bad and that my english was okay! it's nice to hear someone say it instead of mocking me for it. so uh, <3.

but i'll get to the reason i'm making this ask. unfortunately THABI's character is ruined (for me at least). In the first volume (they changed the format for s4 from episodes to volumes, not sure if you know so i'm just telling this), THABI says that she has a crush on WILL and that she was planning on coupling up with him. the MC has the option to give a heads up to her about picking Will on recoupling. which i thought was a nice because i wanted to be upfront and honest, also because i wanted to befriend her!

so after coupling up with WILL, MC was given the greatest time of her life before the guy she coupled up with made her look like a clown on national tv. if I remember correctly, he broke up with MC on the day of the recoupling and the way he broke things off made me feel like utter shit. the way he said it lowkey hurts me, he made it sounded like he rather die than getting picked by MC. i would show you the scene, but that means replaying the whole season again and i just don't want to do that.

Maybe i'm just butthurt, but he really made me feel some type of way by treating MC so nicely and telling her that they were a great couple. I hate the fact he had to breakup with MC on the day of the recoupling after reassuring her they were great together. It felt like a punch to the face really.

later on, you can tell THABI about this and she sorta comforted you? but then when the recoupling rolls in, she's smiling when WILL picked her as if she forgot that MC told her how upset she was that he broke up with her. not only that, she also talks a lot about him the next day and it just feels like she's rubbing it in my face.

she reminded me of HANNAH from s2 and instantly like her! seriously wanted to be her friend, but damn does she make me feel so heartbroken. the only one who genuinely cares for MC right now probably has to be ANGIE, a chill girl. but i think they might just make her into another LI.

nothing wrong with it, just wished i can have a genuine friendship in the villa sometimes.

being a bilingual myself (and english is not my first language) i can assure you, WE DON'T ALLOW MOCKERY OF ANY SORT IN THIS HOUSE (unless it's about jakub, felix, jo and blake)!

so, i got the same impression about thabi. and i was really happy to see a black girl portrayed and made to be soft and nerdy because we never get to see it!

it's something that never crosses their minds and i was glad thabi was someone like that. but now that you're pointing it out she might be changing her ways i'm upset again.

i hope it doesn't turn into erikah 3.0, given hope was the 2.0. just one season where the genuine person stays that way instead of gaslight gatekeep girlboss would be nice.

that goes to all characters. yes, we need a villain, and yes we need people that might not like mc but for fuck's sake, NO ONE?

not even one soul that cares about us?

a genuine friend that would help out, listen and give advice? like, can't we just have a normal season for a change?? actual human attitude and genuine connections???

i don't think it's a lot to ask!

this is the one thing that becomes so distracting when seasons 3 and 4 dropped: everything is so tremendously bad it feels like we were dropped on an episode of riverdale!

bad dialogues, bad dynamics, barely anything to hold on to that isn't looks, zero personality, zero banter or witty responses, cringey lines, no interesting developments or even drama... LIKE-

WHEN DOES IT STOP???

i'm not asking for an epic romance with rhyming and metrics that would make e.e cummings cry, my guy... i'm asking for the bare minimum!

no characters (apart from angie apparently) really make sense in the entire season so... yeah!

#litg #love island the game #litg s4 #litg spoilers #spoilers #queue

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riverdale-retread · 2 years

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Riverdale S6B Ep #109 (“Venomous”)

This was one of the most enjoyable, Riverdale-esque Riverdale episode (admiring!) in a good while, but at the same time, unholy mother of maple spiders, it made me so nervous for everyone (meaning, the characters AND the various fandoms).

Jughead asks us to consider the downsides of having superpowers while he’s shifting through boxes of comic books about superpowered heroes. Betty in the meantime is suffering debilitating headaches as she looks over childhood photo albums in an attempt to get in touch with her own memories. Veronica is applying a very black lipstick while Archie confronts Percival standing shoulder to shoulder with Reggie, both of them with no good plans for the precious diner. (Where the hell is Tabitha and why have they removed her from the story all this time?).

Reggie snapping back at everyone who treats him with disrespect (which is literally everyone other than Percival, and they really need to examine that, these Riverdale High alums) puts me in this awkward position of being for something that Percival wants, just so I get more of Reggie telling people off. The other thing that I am beginning to like Percival for is that he can meet Archie where he is - threatening him right back for eye-to-eye violence and giving Archie the novel experience of being physically afraid of someone in his life, where he has thus far always been the scary one. Percival has forged a palladium knuckle ring.

Nana Rose isn’t dead! (I’m always lowkey worried Nana Rose might die.) She is however very sick of hearing Cheryl go on about “the lost love” from middle school, Heather. Cheryl, darling, you were what, 13 or 14 when you had this ‘relationship’ with Heather. You have to stop. In any case, Cheryl has discovered that Heather lives in Greendale and is a librarian. Greendale still has a library, unlike Riverdale!

Against sensible advice from her grandmother to let things be, Cheryl gravely consults a Magic 8 Ball (“O Sphere O’ Knowledge”) yet even that plastic object refuses to give her the go ahead, so she ignores it to send an email to Heather. (Cheryl having absolutely no business further with Toni is very strange, but everyone is ‘mining’ their teen years in this episode so I suppose Cheryl has no choice but to succumb to the zeitgeist.)

Archie consults with Jughead about Percival. He doesn’t want to “play constant defense,” a turn of phrase which amusingly horrifies Jughead into using comic metaphors. This bit of pretension is very cute. It’s almost impossible to speak efficiently in American vernacular English without using sports metaphors even if you don’t play any yourself. (For example, I had no idea that ‘throw in the towel’ described an actual action and in boxing until I saw it on tv where a coach ran up to the ring to really toss a towel onto the floor of the ring to rescue his defeated fighter).

Then Jughead, hoping against hope that Archie was both listening and still remembers the way Jughead was the only one to bare his soul in response to Cheryl’s questions last episode about how Percival’s malicious magic was manifesting in their lives, tries to talk about being a blocked artist who is terrified he’s going to die alone as a one-book wonder.

In response to Archie’s passing remark that he didn’t know Jughead was enough into comic books to have at least four boxes’ worth, Jughead launches into a whole story about himself. He says he is (a) in touch with his mom who is (b) in Toledo who (c ) somehow still bothered to keep things that were of worth to Jughead without pawning them and (d) did what he asked when he requested that she send them over. Gladys Jones did all this? Really???

Archie has a flashback to Rivervale because Jughead Riverdale uses the same vocabulary and syntax as the Rivervale one.

Very gingerly, Jughead assays, “After that stuff with my grandpa only writing one book” as a way to try to get Archie to care about his existential crisis, all bound up with his artistic ambitions. It’s so heartbreaking. Archie, of course, does not give a shit. As soon as Jughead gets this far, Archie immediately picks up a comic book in an attempt to find something more interesting to discuss. He has absolutely no response to Jughead saying he wants to go into creative writing of some kind again, any kind, regardless of genre.

Archie only wants to know how he can beat Percival (literally and metaphorically). He asks how a fictional superhero (Superman) with a similar affliction overcame it (fatally sensitivity to Kryptonite). It’s so meta it makes me dizzy. Archie is a fictional character (“Ce n’est pas une pipe!”) who I have to take as a real person in order to watch the show, but then now that he’s a superhero with a Superman-like weakness, Archie is shown consulting actual comic books that exist about Superman in my world (actual) to get information about how he should behave in his world. Fake- real Archie Andrews consulting real-fake-but-real Superman comics for his known reality.

Jughead is so used to this cruel rudeness and self absorption from his beloved best friend (keywords like GRANDPA and ONLY ONE BOOK got roundly ignored!) that he simply answers the questions that are asked, spilling out everything he knows about superheros building up immunity to toxic substances. Archie decides to tap Cheryl for palladium so he can try it too.

Speaking of toxic substances: The entire Veronica Lodge story involving her toxins is a hilarious COVID-19 metaphor. I genuinely, sincerely loved every bit of this.

The next scene starts with Dr. Curdle Jr. wearing the PPT face shield that we’re all now used to looking at a mundane item. Veronica wears a veil covering her face. It looks very stylish but it’s also commentary on the Western debate about the efficacy of face coverings as protection against communicable disease. Veronica acts like this net veil is actually somehow protective of others throughout this episode when clearly, it can’t possibly be.

Dr. Curdle Jr. (who in Rivervale was OBGYN) has tested Veronica’s saliva, tears, blood, sweat (but not, urine, feces or other secretions). She’s fully toxic. He wonders how she hasn’t died yet. She’s an asymptomatic carrier, that’s why! He prescribes dialysis in addition to recommending social isolation. (“avoid any and all physical contact”).

Meanwhile, Betty seeks out Jughead’s help. “I need your help, Jug.”

You know how there’s people who have a fear of intimacy and are like, connection avoidant? Jughead and Betty are, with each other, the exact opposite of that. The word that occurs to me is co-dependant but I don’t think that’s the right antonym.

Jughead enters almost every relationship with an intention to imprint on that person for life. The only exception we’ve ever seen to this rule is Jess, and that may be because Jess is shown canonically to be things the show Riverdale really dislikes (drug dealer, for one, and the destroyer of books, for another).

Betty for her part is willing to peel the very skin off her skull to get at the truth. She is asking Jughead to literally invade her subconscious mind. This is more naked than naked. Betty has never lacked for courage, but oh my gosh this was a LOT. I almost jumped out of my chair from discomfort at this concept, but she asks it like she’s asking him to maybe pull hair out of a clogged drain, like it’s a little gross, but not dangerous or unreasonable. It’s either desperation or courage - or maybe, just, courage borne of desperation?

Jughead has a similarly relaxed reaction to her absolutely monumental ask. He makes a witty and true joke about how it feels like ‘a trap,’ in the vein of an intimate partner pretending they really want the truth when they don’t. He’s been through some life experiences, obviously. It made me laugh.

Both Betty and Jughead (well, mostly Jughead) talk a lot about how Archie is the One True Good Person On the Planet or whatever, but when push comes to shove, Betty knows that Jughead is her safe person. The qualm I have is that the events of the episode show that Betty may not be a safe place for anyone, including Jughead, so the imbalance that consistently bothers me about Bughead resurfaced in this post-Bughead intimacy. The help that Bughead give each other is unilateral, still, even now, flowing from Jughead towards Betty. It makes me think of Jughead having to ask Tabitha, simultaneously wondering and suspicious, “Why are you so nice to me?” because he’s just not used to people helping him out.

Namely - this ask serves Betty a lot and Jughead not at all. Betty COULD GO TO THERAPY for a lot of this work, but she has a) trust issues (except for Jughead, apparently, which then makes me ask all the questions about everything that apparently happened in the time jump) and b) a not unreasonable desire to not go nor send family members to prison for murder-related crimes. So she uses Jughead. Because he’s Jughead and he knows all of Betty’s issues, Jughead takes on too much and agrees to research ‘deep mind reading’ so he can help Betty out.

I can’t help but recall Jughead did not at any point go to or tell Betty about his hearing loss, just, at all. He knows what her powers are, in addition to the fact (according to Tabitha) that he’s slated to die sometime in the coming months if not weeks, but he hasn’t asked her to channel that on his behalf either. I mean, I find it hard to accept that Betty’s power is so absolutely self serving - that people only glow red when they are directly harmful to Betty Cooper alone, because that’s actually very damning.

Archie punches his fists bloody at the gym. He is just so scary.

Cheryl lends Archie a chunk of palladium. Since last episode, Cheryl has been trying to claw her way back from her Trapped In My House narrative ghetto by being the plot-device exposition witch. Though she says things in a kind and calm tone of voice, the stuff that Cheryl says are such disses on Archie. Such as- You’re messing with forces “far beyond your understanding” because admittedly, Archie’s understanding of anything is quite limited! She offers to aid in his search to find a solution to his debilitating palladium allergy. Meanwhile, Archie wears the chunk of palladium as a pendant.

While Archie is bleeding from a physical reaction to something uniquely poisonous to him, Veronica is attempting to have her blood detoxified because she is poisonous to everyone. She’s following her doctor’s advice even though she feels fine - an exemplary a symptomatic sufferer, as it were. A lackey informs her that the shareholders are being very fussy, refusing to honor her request that they push back the shareholder meeting. “It’s their funeral,” she says.

Nana Rose contemplates an interesting recent painting of Cheryl’s. A headless redhead holds a giant black spider to her bosom. Cheryl asks if she’s seen the book on Rasputin, and Nana Rose reading it. Primly, Cheryl says she needs the tome for research, to which Nana Rose bitchily points out that this may all be a desperate ploy for Cheryl avoid thinking about Heather’s lack of a response to her email. Nana Rose pronounces the word email with the emphasis on the word ‘mail,’ which I’ve never ever heard before. Did you know Nana Rose knows how to send emails?? Apparently she always gets prompt responses to hers. Cheryl isn’t having it - calls her baba yaga (which I think is inapt.)

At the Andrews House, Archie reluctantly reveals the state of his hands to Betty. She yells at him about not taking proper care of himself. Archie’s obsession with not being weak in comparison to Percival makes it impossible for him to not poison himself. Betty resignedly opens a can (of worms??) for Archie.

The shareholder meeting going on at the Babylonium bring Veronica out for a visit. She’s all decked out all in black - black clothes complete with the veil, black lipstick, eyeliner and nails. Reggie kind of has a hard time recognizing her. Reggie is sitting in the central CEO position, so he lists all his grievances. 1. Reggie being removed as co COO. 2. That the casino is not turning a profit. 3. Veronica looking insane.

The shareholders have been offered money to sell out the casino from under her. She is going to put together a new valuation. As Reggie and the all male board sneer at Veronica’s departing back, Jughead is back with Betty, reporting on all the work he’s done in trying to figure out how to do the deep dive into her mind.

Principles of “meditation, hypnotherapy, guided visualization” are the same according to Jughead. He’s still reluctant to call the power he has his ‘power’ - mostly because it’s so uncool probably. The prompt Jughead gives Betty is to imagine her memories as being a box of comic books that Jughead can leaf through. He is such a dork (I love him) - he blurts out “Let’s go Digging” as though he’s not about to do some amateur hour advanced psychotherapy with a highly disturbed woman. They have to hold hands while they do this which convinces me that what Jughead is doing is just full on magic. Therapists (real ones) don’t have to touch you when they uncover your stuff.

Jughead is now in Betty’s mind. The first issue of the “Betty” comic that he pulls drops him into the scene of their first kiss. Oh that was such a good, sweet first kiss they had, wasn’t it? Nostalgia feels (and also suspicion about when the show makers knew the show would be canceled after 7 seasons and started to just get lazy and dip into the B-reel but this is very mean of me and I will stop). Betty interrupts his fascinated reverie. The strange ropey sound that Jughead hears when he emerges from the vision is very creepy.

Dip back into another memory. The one where Betty is prompted by the presence of Dagwood and Juniper as babies to wonder if evil is her inevitable destiny. (The fact that Dag & Juni are in later seasons shown to be budding sociopaths does not bode well). Betty weeps about this, and a banged up Jughead reassures her (God, remember how he used to sport bruises all the time?)

When Betty urges Jughead to go even deeper, they do a really cool visual thing where Jughead, eyes shut in fervid concentration, moves past and ‘into’ Betty’s space. The main indication that he’s gotten to the ‘next level’ is the visual and sound effect of Betty killing the cat. Hal, after this horrible action he forced her into, took her to the Diner for milkshakes. He calls the cat (who ran away because THEY DIDN’T KEEP HER INDOORS LIKE THEY SHOULD’VE and got hit by a car because of THEIR NEGLIGENCE) ‘a sinner.’ Hal, clearly in a very happy mood because his child killed something, wants Betty to tell him that it was exciting. We don’t get to see if she tried to appease him, because the next thing we see is Betty defining what happened to her as being groomed by her father to become a killer.

Betty insists that Jughead must keep digging, and has absolutely no concern for the fact that he blatantly looks like he’s going to vomit at the thought. Jughead is a little better at boundaries than he would’ve been as a kid - he says a very polite, Okay BUT! And asks for a break, amending with “Both of us” because he’s scared of Betty. Jughead alone needing a break wouldn’t fly here.

Meanwhile, Archie is looking horrendously ill from wearing the horcrux (palladium pendant). Cheryl, playing witchy nurse, has made him PALLADIUM SOUP and calls it YUMMY which I found hilarious. Yummy for whom? And how? She brings up Rasputin as a useful example for Archie. For his part, Archie, bless him, seems to take comfort in the fact that Rasputin couldn’t be poisoned and instead had to be drowned. I would like to one day see an AU in which Archie and Cheryl are soulmates because this was utterly insane an exchange and I loved it.

Reggie, permanent henchman is sitting at the right hand (almost) of Percival when Veronica barges into Percival’s residence to yell at Reggie. Percival seems to find Veronica’s dismissal of him kind of a turn on. Reggie for his part is still on extreme truth telling mode: “You can’t imagine me doing something, anything for myself, can you?” He’s finally angry enough to yell at Veronica, announcing that it was he who engineered the attempted ouster of Veronica from her own casino. Veronica just lets him have it - she calls him insecure, ignorant, petty - and at the same time exudes her toxic fumes directly at Reggie. Spraying minute particulates at Reggie’s face induces a nose bleed. Freaked out, Veronica runs away mid rant.

Two things:

1. I WISH I COULD DO THIS. I WANT THIS POWER. CAN I HAVE THIS? PLEASE? I DON’T EVEN MIND IF IT POISONS MY VAGINA. PLEASE GIVE ME THIS.

2. This is Riverdale doing the best, most amusing, most interesting reference to the COVID 19 pandemic possible on American television. Well done, bravo, spectacular. I say this with my entire chest even though at this point I do not watch any other show. But I’m absolutely certain no other show has done this particular metaphor in this specific way.

Cheryl’s palladium soup at first seems to help Archie but then it rapidly does not and he faints at the gym.

Veronica gives Dr. Curdle Jr a second visit, still pretending that her netted veil functions as a mask. (Veronica Lodge is an anti-masker!) I find this very interesting because clearly Curdle is all decked out in PPE. The thing is, when you make the coroner your personal doctor, he’s just going to continually predict death. So Dr. Curdle Jr tells Veronica she’s doomed.

Cheryl in her mansion has a big landline phone that is in the actual shape and color of her plush lips. She’s sitting in a red tartan skirt on a wine red sofa tapping into an oxblood personal computer and I am completely overwhelmed by the red aesthetic. I adore Cheryl Blossom’s character design. But even the great Cheryl Blossom is unable to obtain a red Magic 8 ball. The mundane black one keeps telling her to not contact Heather. She ignores the express instructions of the oracle. She calls Heather, who picks up on almost the first ring. I am going to assume that she’s evil just from this. Cheryl hangs up on her in a panic.

Archie has gone from getting denser and heavier to getting porous & sparse.

I am not sure how to understand the juxtaposition between what’s happening to Archie and Betty sarcastic-cheerfully asking Jughead if he’s ready for Round 2 of the mind reading service he’s providing her. He says a very verbose answer that amounts to NO and she bulldozes over that and forces him to continue. The memory that Jughead is yanked into is one where Betty overhears Hal exulting over Alice telling him that she has the MAOA serial killer gene. The word that keeps getting bandied about with regards to Hal and Betty is ‘excitement’ - Alice asks if he’s ‘excited’ that Betty might have this gene mutation.

Betty interjects with MY MOM IS WORSE THAN MY DAD. (I will stand by my agreement with her on this. Hal was in a lot of ways the better parent, he really was.) Just then, Veronica calls Betty for drinks, and Betty immediately agrees (and doesn’t invite Jughead).

Archie is emptying Palladium Soup from a jar STRAIGHT INTO Riverdale’s sewage system (is this wise?) to the lyrics of the soundtrack, which bellow: “Your god he ain’t no forgiver” and “He’s going to burn you alive” (like Cheryl?). He gets a call from Betty to join him at the bar.

So then Betty, Veronica and Archie meet at the bar to down a TON of shots. So. This is tacit acknowledgment then that all of the core four know that Jughead has a serious drinking problem. Well that’s nice.

When Veronica laments that she is cursed with the kiss of death, Archie welcomes her to the sad superhero club. Then Betty says something interesting: WE’RE not in any danger from you. You would have an aura.

So. Betty’s power DOES extend to people who mean homicide towards someone other than herself. Archie is under the aegis of Betty’s power. (Is Jughead not??) At this, Veronica lifts her netted veil.

SHE REALLY IS AN ANTI MASKER. Like, girl! Veronica! Ver-o-ni-ca! That is not how masks work! Why is she acting like Lana del Rey? Veronica voices the terror that those of us who took COVID 19 seriously felt: “If I touch someone or spit on them or cry on them, THEY DIE.” Veronica is carrying all the loads in this episode. The three of them decide they neither know nor care how their powers manifesting are related, if at all, to Percival .(UMMM CAN WE GET JUGHEAD’S INPUT?)

Veronica has a bit of the sexual compulsion about her. To her ‘meaningful human contact’ = sexual kissing. That is not how I roll but OK. She’s very upset that her last such contact was with Reggie. Then something else bad is realized: She can’t get drunk, either.

The next morning, Archie’s hair is falling out in clumps, so he charges over to Dr Curdle Jr first, and then directly after that to Cheryl. Cheryl seems to have a lot of medical knowledge (about what acute anemia is and what it means about Archie’s body chemistry). Very casually, she tells Archie that he may have (with her soup!) simply poisoned himself rather than build up Rasputin tolerance for toxic substances. She says she’s going to consult her medical texts, and if Archie was even a little bit more intelligent he would be very upset by her using the concept of BALANCE HIS HUMORS as a way of getting out of the poisoning predicament that they have placed him in together.

At the Cooper residence, a slightly drunk seeming Betty finally FINALLLYYYY confronts Alice about a) lying about the serial killer gene (with the help of the Farm and Polly) and b) being useless in the face of Hal grooming Betty to be a killer . Alice denies everything in the most awful, gaslighting way.

Veronica is visiting Cheryl to get a more hopeful prognosis than what the more scientific and soberminded Curdle is willing to do . Didn’t I say Veronica was carrying all the loads? When people hit the limits of what is scientifically available in medicine with their problem still resolved, they turn to woo-woo stuff, healers, magicians, charlatans, off-science practices. Veronica visiting Cheryl is that. Veronica continually treating the funeral netting of her hat as a mask keeps cracking me up. Cheryl is always very willing to poison people (this is a new trait, and it’s great) so she has prepared an assortment of natural toxins for Veronica to test on herself. (Alcohol is absolutely a poison according to Riverdale). She also seeks books about spiders from Cheryl.

The next morning, Betty has barged in on the defenseless (because Tabitha isn’t there) Jughead, in his very fancy old man robe and breakfast cereal in its bowl. What happens next makes me absolutely unable to accept their reconnection and newly established intimacy in a positive light. Betty forces Jughead to become super intimate with HER MOTHER’S mind. Her mother that used to fuck his father, and gave birth to their joint half brother and also was his semi step mother who raised his sister. I just. NO. And Jughead is repelled by this - I AM NOT SURE I AM SUPER COMFORTABLE WITH THAT (Good god, he is still so scared of Betty) but she has a useful tool she can force into compliance, so Betty is going to aim Jughead Jones’ mind at her sicko mother and give no hoots at all about what that might do to his mental hygiene. She never even asks why he might be uncomfortable. He says he doesn’t want to, and her answer is, IT’S SIMPLE TO DO. Betty Cooper attacks her mother using Jughead Jones.

THANKS I HATE IT.

Jughead does as he is forced to, catching what is evidently a terrible memory that is shaken loose in Alice in the face of Betty’s assault on her, at her workplace. Remember how Alice used to be scared of Betty and said so? Yeah.

It’s under the table, Jughead tells Betty, at the Diner. Whatever it is. And Betty just keeps roping him into this - THAT’S WHERE WE’LL DIG. So she can share dirty buried secret with Jughead but not Archie. I don’t think this is because she trusts him more, unfortunately. I think this means Betty values Jughead less. Where is Tabitha please? I need Tabitha. To prove my point, Betty gets a call from Archie, which she takes while Jughead desperately downs some nectar of life (a Tates milkshake) to try to recover from being aimed at Alice Cooper like a gun, and the first thing she asks Archie is ARE YOU OK.

Fucking brutal.

Betty tells Jughead that Cheryl has a “new new” plan for Archie, and Jughead dutifully worries about Archie with her.

Betty never asked what the side effects of reading Alice’s mind might be for Jughead. I must harp on this.

Barchie are listening to Cheryl talk at them about principles of alchemy (absolute woowoo!) being applicable to Archie’s not-quite medical crisis. Since Archie has too much palladium put into his body (put there by CHERYL), Cheryl is going to use a magic alchemical spell to transform that into iron to cure his acute anemia, and then ‘forge’ that excess of iron into his blood in order to make him impervious. So that song lyric about Archie being set on fire was foreshadowing. Layers!

This all will basically sorta kinda make him Wolverine, I guess, except instead of grafting metal onto his bones, make his actual blood metal. What. Oh and when Betty smartly asks what the side effects might be, Cheryl blandly says this all might kill him. Archie says he’s dying anyway, so he doesn’t mind, but does want one more additional night with Betty.

Thank god for the Raven Haired Goddess Veronica Lodge (this is Cheryl’s coinage which I am happily adopting) is having an awesome looking evening. She’s in a big bubble bath, reading about spiders, munching on poisonous plants, with her black lipstick still perfectly in place. Goddess indeed.

Barchie are getting down for a potential final night, and the Riverdale the Show musical director chose a song that intones “This ain’t no stupid crush” over images of Betty sensually touching Archie.

The next morning, Jughead and Betty are going to literally go digging in the Cooper house to get at buried secrets. I suppose it has to be Jughead because Archie is technically ill. I can huffily grant that. But Jughead is still very unwilling. He asks, “Are you sure about this?”

Veronica consults with Cheryl, who concludes that she is immune to all poison. Oh wait - and Archie is about to be made impervious to the one thing that can poison him. Symmetry! In any case, Veronica has reached some conclusions: She’s most toxic when her emotions are heightened.

um.

This seems just a tad misogynist, no? A woman in the throes of emotion = highly toxic? I mean it’s logical as a storytelling device but it doesn’t sit well with me. Cheryl asks about dispassionate kissing, and Veronica ABSOLUTELY REFUSES TO TAKE THE HINT.

Veronica. Please kiss Cheryl. Please. Please please please.

Graciously putting up with the lifelong oblivious lesbian qualities that Veronica shares with Jughead, Cheryl gifts Veronica with one of her enormous spider brooches. As the soundtrack sings “I am a survivor,” Cheryl tells Veronica that she is resilient even if she’s venomous.

Betty and Jughead found a mummified corpse. Betty confronts Alice about it, who finally confesses. Hal killed this deputy and the Coopers buried him together. Alice also confesses that she tried to control Betty into being perfect because she truly believed her inevitable fate was to be a vile serial killer like her husband and it was Alice, as the mother, who was responsible for trying to avoid that fate. Betty tells Alice that her plan failed, and storms off.

According to subtitles, the spell that Cheryl has Archie use is Greek (whereas Percival and Nana Rose use Latin). She manifests witch fire in Archie in the abandoned palladium mine.

Veronica is eating product placement Smartfood popcorn and it doesn’t kill her because she’s impervious to poison. Riverdale’s way of doing product placement has me obsessed.

Just in time, Reggie visits her to threaten her with a hostile takeover. He also confronts her with photos taken somehow of her dialysis treatment. He is condescending (It’s for your health) and she is threatening, and they seem well and truly over.

Archie is invulnerable again! He’s no longer allergic to palladium! He and Betty are very happy about this. Veronica is making a presentation to her board. She starts out talking about money and profitability. Then she decides that the best way to prove she is personally fit to be CEO of the casino by doing a Britney Spears number in skimpy clothing for her very buttoned-up seeming board. She is not going to poison her back up dancers even though she will definitely be spitting and sweating on them, because she can control her own feelings. I have lots of questions about the consent issues involved in Veronica’s relationship with her back up dancers.

It turns out that Veronica can suddenly control her emotions perfectly because she, with Betty’s permission, kissed Archie. In order to get her ‘main character energy back’ according to Betty, who says this hideous thing in the most loving, warm way.

First of all - FIRST OF ALL. The core four (even if we must exclude Cheryl) were always equally main character. So how very dare Betty call her not that. Secondly, Veronica is ‘permitted’ to kiss Archie, for her health, by Betty, despite all the shit that went down in senior year of high school. I just. I cannot with Betty. She is truly being toxic.

Meanwhile, absolutely neglected by everyone, Jughead is going through the side effects of toxic levels of exposure to not one but two Cooper women in a very intense week. Tabitha texts and Jughead answers, but I’mvery very worried about why Veronica singing “You're toxic / I’m slipping under” plays over Jughead.

Also.

The show is being fucking mean about Bughead. I no longer am a Bughead per se, but I find the kiss compilation set to TOXIC a bit too on the nose. I can say this about Bughead, but the show should not!

At Thornhill, we finally meet Heather, who is super cute in her glasses. (I wear glasses so I love girl characters who wear glasses and just wear them all the time).

Veronica’s rendition of Toxic is the craziest thing ever. The grand finale is a giant spider descending from the ceiling. Percival appreciates what I’m sure he’d call her moxie. Veronica blows Barchie a kiss, which Betty catches. I kinda hope she chokes on it.

#this thing is super long and ranty #covid19 mention tw #anti-bughead warning #barchie i guess? i don't even know #veronica lodge #riverdale opinion #riverdale episode 6.14 #riverdale episode 109 #Riverdale s6 #riverdale recap #riverdale episode recap

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