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herozdiary · 3 months

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Hellooo 👋 I know you’re busy with other requests but I can’t help with this idea

With hyperpink girly reader (gender neutral Ofc or your choice) though they may seem mean to others but is really nice to Simon, very affectionate to him (covering his face with pink lip gloss marks) , and protective too. Chase Simon’s bullies away with their neon pink platform heels.

I’ve been obsessing with pink x emo dynamic

Take however long you want!! Thanks for reading this and I hope you’ll have a good day/night ✊

Bubblegum

Simon x reader

Simon was a loser and you were the popular icon of the college you both went to.Your style was so pretty and colorful,Mostly pink but any color would fit you.

You met Simon on your first day when you needed help finding the girls restroom to re-do your lip combo.He instantly fell in love with you.

He soon enough made a big enough of move to get closer to you and you guys ended up getting close to each other to start dating blah blah blah!

Once you guys got close enough he confessed about how he was struggling with poor mental health and was a main target for bullying.

You never liked them.You use to be a target for bullying until you kinda just snapped and told them off.You were left alone after that and ever since then you been helping people who get bullied.

You sat on his bed as he cleaned up his floor.You had came over to listen to him vent and to help him with some English because he needed an idea of what to write.

“People are so shitty sometimes Simon,but you gotta ignore them and show them you don’t care! They’re just a bunch of self projecting losers”You say while fixing your digital camera.

Simon nodded before shrugging.He didn’t have the confidence like you did.You made yourself known while he kinda just stood on the side lines and supported you.”come here”you say gently as you place your camera on Simon’s windowsill.

Simon got up from his spot on the floor and made his way towards you.he sat next to you before staring into your eyes.You grab the sides of his stubble covered face and plant small kisses all over his face.

You had applied some cute pink lipgloss a couple of minutes earlier so you left sticky lipgloss kiss marks.You giggled at your work before grabbing your camera and snapping a quick photo of Simon.

He started down at your lap before smiling.”You’re so so so so soo handsome babe.Im kinda glad some girls don’t you like you because now I can have you all to myself!”You joke as you place a couple more kisses on his face.

Simon feels his face get red as he hides his face in his hands.Girls never were into him as much as your were.He had Sophie yeah but Sophie only saw him as a friend

You were different.unlike Sophie,you didn’t leave him but you stayed with him and comforted him.When Sophie rejected him and made up the excuse she had to go,You stayed with him the whole entire night listening to him vent.

Simon and Sophie are still I guess you could call them friends but he doesn’t talk with her anymore as much.He has you!When Simon does talk to Sophie he mostly talks about his life and how you made it much better.

People still don’t know how Simon was able to get with someone like you.You were a likeable,bubbly and a talkative person unlike Simon who was like the complete opposite,but they do say opposites attract.

You sometimes would even chase them off,it didn’t matter what type of shoes you were wearing you could run in 6 inch heels and still look flawless spewing out curses word at a bunch of losers who were picking on Simon.

Sometimes Simon would help with picking your outfits!he didn’t have much fashion sense when it came to himself but when he came to you,He knew exactly how to dress you.

“Ok Simon!I have this cute baby pink crop top or should I wear the baby blue one?”You ask while showing your boyfriend the two shirts.Simon did a quick scan off both shirts before looking at the skirt you had picked out.It was a black,pleated skirt with small rhinestones on the belt loops.

“I feel like you should wear the blue one.I think it would go good with the skirt your gonna wear”Simon said while going back to messing with his camera,

You nod as you toss the pink shirt back into the closet before smiling at Simon and thanking him for his help.Not only was he such a cutie but a big help when it came to styling you.

He was the only male you would trust picking out your outfits.Sometimes the two of you would match if you were able to convince him.it would take a couple minutes of begging but sooner or later you would make Simon have matching pink themed outfits!

Even if he found it absolutely ridiculous,As long as you were happy he was even more happy.

#cry of fear #cry of fear x reader #cry of fear x you #simon henriksson #simon henriksson x reader #character x you #video game x reader #x reader #x y/n #fluff

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archduchessofnowhere · 9 months

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BOOK REVIEW: Sisis Weg by Martina Winkelhofer

Empress Elisabeth took a break from court life and dared to escape her assigned role, something that no woman of her time, certainly not of her rank, was allowed to do. Until the death of her eldest daughter, Elisabeth was a product of her environment: the good daughter, the devoted wife, the submissive daughter-in-law. She tried to live up to expectations even in her darkest hours, until her body and psyche sounded the alarm. She knew that in this environment the wounds would not heal. She allowed herself long journeys and stays away from the imperial court, and it did not take long for her transformation to begin: from fragile emperor's wife to self-confident empress. From a woman determined by others to a woman determined by herself.

There are already literally dozens of books about Sisi, and most of them have nothing new to say. So when yet another book written by an author that claims they're presenting "the real story" behind the Sisi myth appears, one is naturally distrustful. But only reading the preview of this book made me realize that historian Martina Winkelhofer actually had something new to say about Elisabeth. This book has been in my TBR for the past two years, and tired of waiting for a translation I just went ahead and used an automatic translator to read it. And guess what: this is one of the best books about Empress Elisabeth that exists.

Martina Winkelhofer's biography starts with Elisabeth's birth and finishes with her return to Vienna in 1862, after being away from court for two years. Something that distinguishes her from other Sisi authors is that instead of presenting a novel-like narrative about the empress' life, she adresses on the text the different sources that we have available, and isn't afraid to state frankly that there are thing we simply lack enough information to know for certain. Speaking of sources, she draws almost entirely from primary sources, and not just letters, but also court protocol documents, which brings the Viennese court to life in a way no other book about Elisabeth I've read before achieved.

This is also the Sisi biography with the most sympathetic and balanced depiction of Archduchess Sophie I've ever read, presenting the complex relationship between mother and daughter-in-law without vilifying either woman. Not only Winkelhofer adresses the problem regarding the sources (Elisabeth's statements about her mother-in-law come from after Sophie's death, and Sophie's correspondance and diary entries avoid mentioning any conflicts or quarrels within the imperial family), but also she understands both that Elisabeth was a very young girl who lacked the skills to understand court schemes and was deeply intimidated by the hierarchy at court - and therefore, by her mother-in-law, and that Sophie ultimately had no ill intentions towards her daughter-in-law, but simply couldn't understand why Elisabeth couldn't fulfill her role as empress as tradition demanded.

Another of my favorite things about this book is the attention Winkelhofer paid to Elisabeth's staff. The working and living conditions of her servants is often highlighted. There is a whole chapter focused on Elisabeth's secretary Leopold Bayer, a bourgeois man that was responsible of controlling and organizing the empress' household and was so effective at his job that years after his retirement his system still worked perfectly. Perhaps if you want to read only about Sisi you'll find this chapter, as well as all the other instances in which Winkelhofer focuses on the staff, uninteresting and disruptive, but I loved it. So many authors seem to think that the people responsible for cleaning, cooking and keeping royal households running weren't glamorous enough to deserve even a mention, so it was very refreshing to see how here it was an important part of the text.

To be honest, my biggest complain about this book is that it ended. This biography finishes when Elisabeth returns to Vienna in 1862; Winkelhofer is going to release the second part of her biography in October, but I wish she had just released it as a single-volume book, because if there is a historical woman you can get away with writing a 600+ pages long book is Elisabeth. And while the book is well sourced (over 500 footnotes!!!), she often made more general claims about the general lives of the aristocracy with no citations. Since Winkelhofer has written books specifically about the lives of the aristocracy before I trust she knows her stuff, I just wish she had referenced further literature on the matter. Also because I'm a Queen Marie of the Two Sicilies girlie, it disappointed me that Winkelhofer didn't mention her two weeks stay in Vienna in 1859, nor how her role during the Siege of Gaeta was one of the things that stressed her sister during 1860.

Overall this is a fantastic book that paints a complex and interesting picture of how the child Elise became in the young Sisi and then in the Empress Elisabeth. Let's hope that an English translation is happening soon!

#my new clown hope is that the english translation is going to combine the two volumes into one #book review #historian: martina winkelhofer #empress elisabeth of austria

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mysteriawrites · 11 months

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Rules and Regulations:

DNI if you are one or more of the following:

Racist

Anti-lgbtq+

Islamophobic

Antisemitic

P3dophilic

Sexist

Ageist

Hater

Troll

In summary if you’re gonna be a jerk kindly move along please

Please do not:

Plagiarize

Send hate to me or others

Harass me or others

Give unsolicited criticism (some polite constructive criticism is fine tho)

Doxx me or anyone else

Share any personal identifying information (name face address etc): this is just a personal thing i grew up with strict internet safety rules and ik some people are more comfortable sharing things like their name or their face but im not and i think it’s better in practice not to so id prefer if you didn’t share that kinda thing appearance description is fine but like your name or anything like that especially cause i most likely wont use your name unless asked personally in which case that’ll be a private post (however pet picks are v much welcome plz send them).

What I will not write for:

Smut: I don’t know a thing about sex other then the biological understanding so I don’t think I could write it very well nor do I feel comfortable with writing it so sorry im fine with insinuating it tho 😉😏

Anything hateful towards irl people

Anything political

Romance with children

Incest

Noncon

Anything that makes me uncomfortable: if you request something that makes me uncomfortable that is not this list i will explain why im not writing it

What I will Write for:

Note: if you want to request more than one fandom you can, but it has to be separate asks for each one because my headcanons are kind of long.

Fluff

Angst

Gore

Headcanons

One shots

Matchups

Original stuff I come up with out of boredom

Character x Reader

Character x Character

AUs

Pretty much anything that wasn’t on the will not write for list unless or until i say otherwise

List of Fandoms:

Note: I’m in a lot of fandoms and always joining new ones so if there is a fandom not on the list that you want feel free to ask me I might know about it and forgot to add it or you’ll be introducing me to something new :) I’ll also try and keep the list updated

Note #2: I’m ok with writing for celebrities or vtubers as long as we’re respectful about it ok that means you understand that everything here is complete fiction and you understand their boundaries and if they dont feel comfortable with works about them those posts will be taken down

Marvel (Movies)

Harry potter (Movies)

The Maze Runner (Movies)

Motherland Fort Salem (Series)

Siren (Series)

The Owl House (Series)

Arcane (series)

The dragon Prince (series)

Avatar the last air bender (series)

Legends of korra (series)

The magicians (series)

My Hero Academia (Anime)

Sword Art Online (Anime)

Oshi No Ko (Anime)

Takt Op Destiny (Anime)

The Disastrous Life of Saki K (Anime)

Revue Starlight (Anime)

Blue Reflection (anime)

RWBY (anime)

Classroom of the Elite (anime)

The Apothecary Diaries (anime)

Revue Starlight: ReLIVE (game)

Bang Dream (game)

D4DJ (game)

Fire Emblem: Awakening-Engage (Game)

Persona 5 (Game)

Tales of Arise (game)

Our Life forever and always (game)

Mystic Messenger (game)

Obey Me (game)

Twisted Wonderland (game)

Honkai Impact (game)

Honkai Star Rail (game)

Genshin Impact (game)

Tears of Themis (game)

Zenless Zone Zero (game)

Punishing Gray Raven (game)

Aether Gazer (game)

Project Sekai (game)

Takt Op Symphony (game)

Blue Reflection series (game)

Tokyo Mirage Sessions #FE (game)

Danganronpa TTH-2GD (game)

Master Detective Archives: Raincode (game)

Rune Factory 5 (game)

Hyperdimension Neptunia (game)

Atelier Sophie (game)

Baldur’s Gate 3 (game)

Love and Deep Space (game)

Nijisanji EN (vtubers) (Hiatus)

Hololive EN (vtubers)

Holostars EN (vtubers)

Avallum EN (vtubers)

(More to be added later)

Masterlist

#multifandom fanfiction #multifandom x reader #multifandom imagines #multifandom #multi fandom blog #multifandom account #multi fandoms posts #multifandom writer #headcanons #matchups #oneshots #original content

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transbookoftheday · 1 year

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The Scandalous Letters of V and J by Felicia Davin

Paris, 1823. Victor Beauchêne has led a stifling existence, unrecognized for both his cleverness and his gender, except in the pages of his meticulous diary. Abruptly cut off from his family’s fortune, he takes the opportunity to start a new life in a shabby boarding house with his beloved spinster aunt Sophie. There, he stumbles upon two kinds of magic: a pen with eerie powers of persuasion and a reserved, alluring art student named Julien.

Brilliant, unconventional Julien is also Julie, a person whose magical paintings can transform their body or enchant viewers. Haunted by a terrible episode in their past, they’ve come to Paris for artistic success—the ordinary, non-magical kind. Victor, too handsome and far too inquisitive, is a dangerous distraction from their ambitions.

Drawn to each other, Victor and Julie strike up a cautious correspondence of notes slid under doors. It soon unfolds into a passionate romance. Outside the bedroom, their desires clash: Julie wants to distance herself from the world of magic and Victor wants to delve deeper. When the ruthless abuser from Julie’s past resurfaces, he aims to take control of her powers and ruin more lives. Victor and Julie are the only ones who can stop him. Do they trust each other enough to survive the threat to their love and their lives?

The Scandalous Letters of V and J is a historical fantasy romance with two nonbinary main characters, told primarily in letters and diary entries. It is approximately 100,000 words long and sexually explicit.

#the scandalous letters of v and j #felicia davin #nonbinary #trans book of the day #trans books #queer books #bookblr #booklr #posting this book again because it officially comes out tomorrow

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dreaminggoblin · 10 months

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Hello and welcome, fellow dreamers!

I am Dreaming Goblin, going by Marje, Sophie, Sora, and just Goblin.

She/They pronouns, please and thank you.

I write fantasy and sometimes draw.

The tag #Wolventraum is for my first book, which is uploaded in full and for free on here. The posts will have links to letters and diary entries, as well as to the first, last, previous, and next chapters.

You can read Chapter 1 here.

I upload a free Paths of the Dream Folk short story to my Patreon once a month (starting December 2023; November was the introduction)

I also have a tip jar through Ko-fi, if you don't want to commit to a monthly donation. There's nothing on there yet, but I'll figure out what I want to put on there eventually.

I do not use Twitter, Facebook, or other social media besides our beloved/beloathed hellsite. Reblogs and interactions will happen from my side blog @dreaminggoblin-yells, from which I will also answer asks and the like, so please direct your messages there.

#dreaming goblin writes books #writeblr #writeblr introduction #artblr #intro post #subject to change #Wolventraum #fantasy writeblr #fantasy writer #creative writing #writing community #writers on tumblr #writer #patreon #ko fi #dreaming goblin writes #paths of the dream folk

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sophiesonlinediary · 3 days

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wait i just learned games untold goes in between tgg and tgg 2 like wtf i thought it was set after tbh

ahhh

#sophie's diary entry #the inheritance games #the final gambit #the grandest game #the hawthorne legacy #the brothers hawthorne #the hawthorne vault #the hawthorne brothers #games untold

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melodramaticatheart · 17 days

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Unexpected Company - Lyra x Gray

word count: 537

book: the grandest game

ship: lyra kane and grayson hawthorne

"Hey, gorgeous," Lyra's voice cut through the silence, making Grayson jump. "Lyra, what are you doing here? It's the middle of the night," Grayson asked, confused at the sight of a sleepy Lyra standing near his doorway. She had somehow entered his bedroom without making a sound. Grayson was sitting on a blue velvet couch, eating some leftover dinner Gigi had brought to his room earlier. He was spending most of his nights locked in his office, working. But decided to rest earlier, tonight.

"I just wanted to check up and see how you were doing," she said, looking around his bedroom, nervous. Grayson raised a questioning eyebrow. "I couldn't sleep," she finally said, hating the silence that stretched on. Grayson stood up from his place on the lounge chair, trying to get a read on her face. "Are you feeling okay?" "Yeah, I was-" “Just checking up on me?” Grayson finished, still confused. “I’ve been having nightmares about my dad again.” Lyra finally looked into Grayson's eyes, “And I didn’t know what to do. I swear, if I stayed one more second in that bedroom, I would go insane.” She rambled, “So you came here?” Grayson gave her a skeptical look. “Well, I didn’t expect you to be here." Lyra rolled her eyes slightly.

“Excuse me? You didn’t expect me to be in my bedroom? At 11 PM?” "Look, the day after the masquerade ball, I decided to come visit you, and you weren’t here, so I looked around your room.” Lyra trailed off, staring at a point behind Grayson. Grayson turned around and saw her staring at his bookshelf. “You’ve been reading my books when you can’t sleep?” When she looked down into her hands, he continued, “You can stay if you want; I wasn’t planning on sleeping yet.” Lyra looked up and grinned. "You're going to entertain me, Mr. Hawthorne." Grayson quickly cleared his throat and looked away. “No, Ms. Kane. I’m not the entertaining type. You can sit and read if you please.” “Very well,” She spoke with a grin, walking lightly to the bookshelf and pulling out Little Women. “That’s the book you’ve been sneaking into my room for?” “What’s wrong with it? It’s a tale of sisters finding love and growing up." She frowned, looking at the book on her lap. "Plus, you have the pretty red and gold version.” She said, opening the book up, Grayson cleared plates from the coffee table before settling onto the spot next to her. “Have you read this book?” Lyra asked unexpectedly, “Yes, only once for school." "Here, read it a bit; it’s really good." She handed him the book, urging him to read. Grayson started reading aloud on the page Lyra left off; she was sitting right there, reading over his shoulder. Slowly, her eyes started to grow heavy, eventually falling asleep. When Grayson noticed, he set down the book and picked up Lyra, making sure not to wake her. He set her down on the bed carefully. “Next time, I won’t surprise you, Mr. Hawthorne. I’ll just ask," Lyra murmured sleepily, snuggling herself deeper into the blankets and pillows. Grayson only smiled before turning off the lights and leaving his bedroom quietly.

⊹‿︵‿୨ི୧‿︵‿⊹

not my favorite work but it's still cute!

thank you to @nqds for requesting!

#sophie's diary entry #the grandest game #the inheritance games #grayson hawthorne #the final gambit #the hawthorne legacy #the hawthorne vault #the brothers hawthorne #the hawthorne brothers #grayson hawthorne x lyra kane #lyra kane #lyra x grayson

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otmaaromanovas · 11 months

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@melthehoneyjar posted an excerpt from this article saying that on the way to Yekaterinburg, OTMA got sexually molested. Is this true because i do not think it’s true and @melthehoneyjar is also unsure.

TRIGGER WARNING - sexual assault and rape

This is a very sensitive topic so please don't read it if you will be triggered! It's difficult to talk about this and I want to stick to what the sources say. I've added a cut so you can skip this post easily if this is upsetting and/or triggering for you

The article linked is by Simon Sebag Montefiore, who is most well known for writing the huge book 'The Romanovs'. Like Helen Rappaport, there are a lot of mistakes in it, and he doesn't provide references in the actual book itself. The references are instead buried online somewhere on his website.

I'm going to reference only primary sources (writings made at the time by the Romanovs, or by the people who knew them, so are directly from the time period and not a historian's interpretation). Some people believe that OTMA were raped on board the steam ship Rus, which took them to Tobolsk, then to Ekaterinburg. Olga, Tatiana, Maria, and Anastasia all shared one room on the ship.

There is no evidence in any of OTMA's, or the other Romanov's written work, including letters, diaries, and postcards that have survived, to suggest that they were sexually assaulted

Sidney Gibbes, the English Tutor, says that he heard the girls screaming in their cabins whilst they were on board the Rus. However, this source came from Greg King and Penny Wilson's book 'The Fate of the Romanovs', which popularised the lie that Maria had a relationship with a guard. They also relied on a lot of unreliable material, such as Tatiana Botkina's memoirs and Yakov Yurovsky's 'unpublished memoirs'. They also allege that Sophie Buxhoeveden betrayed the Romanovs, which is categorically untrue. This lie has sadly tarnished Sophie's reputation in history. I plan on making a post debunking the lies in that book.

Their research was not thorough, and the book aimed to sensationalise. Furthermore, the book I have that is comprised entirely of Gibbes recollections, writings, and diary entries make no mention of this. King and Wilson claim that they heard this information from George Gibbes, Sidney Gibbes' adopted son. The only reference for this is simply "George Gibbes to King, May 1989".

This book is the only book, and the only place where this rumour, originates from. Nothing in OTMA's personal writings suggested that they were assaulted. It must be considered, however, that they might have been and didn't put it into writing. But the lack of reference to this by other writers such as Pierre Gilliard, who sought to emphasise the villainy of the Bolsheviks, could suggest otherwise.

I am going to include information regarding the Rus steam ship journey from primary sources:

Gilliard about the journey on the Rus steam ship, from his diary: "Monday, May 20th. At half-past eleven we left the house and went on board the Rouss. She is the boat which brought us here with the Czar and Czarina eight months ago. Baroness Buxhoeveden has been granted permission to rejoin us. We left Tobolsk at five o'clock. Commissary Rodionof has shut Alexis Nicolaievitch in his cabin with Nagorny. We protested: the child is ill and the doctor ought to have access to him at any time."

Nicholas' diary, 4-5 August 1917: "4th August. ...There, the train arrived almost next to the wharf, so we only had to walk down to the ship. Ours is called Rus . They started to load our things, which continued through the night. Poor Aleksei went to bed God knows when again! Banging and pounding lasted all night and did not let me sleep. Departed from Tyumen around 6 o'cl.

5th August. Cruising down the river Tur. Alix, Aleksei and I each have a cabin with no facilities, all the daughters are a five-bed [cabin], the suite is close by in the hallway; farther towards the bow cafeteria and a small cabin with a piano..."

Nicholas' diary, 10/23 May 1918: "In the morning we were told within the space of an hour: that the children were a few hours from the town, then that they had reached the station, and finally that they had arrived at the house, although their train had been in the station since 2 o’clock at night. It was an immense joy to see them again and to embrace them after four weeks of separation and uncertainty. There was no end to the mutual questions and answers. Very few letters had got through either way. The poor things had suffered a lot of anguish, both in Tobolsk and during their three day journey. Of those who accompanied them, only the cook Kharitonov and Sednev’s nephew were allowed into the house."

To conclude, although we don't know for sure, the lack of first hand writings from OTMA and the Imperial Family make me unsure to conclude that they were assaulted. The only source for this being from a flimsy-researched book and from word-of-mouth rather than a concrete piece of writing also makes this questionable.

I just hope and pray they weren't.

Sources:

A Lifelong Passion - Maylunas and Mirenko

The Fate of the Romanovs - King and Wilson

Thirteen Years at the Russian Court - Pierre Gilliard

Diary of Olga Romanov - Helen Azar

#trigger warning #tw sa #tw abuse #tw r@pe #otma #q #ask #answered #1917 #1918 #Romanovs #sources

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polaroidcats · 2 months

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that is SO COOL that 13 yr old did that with your diaries. I'm jealous! are there any particular insights you get from reading what past you had to say? and/or teenage wisdom that we grown ups could use a reminder of?

hehehe thank you!! I love that diary so much, you have to imagine 13 year old me who was not like other girls (spoiler: yeah she was), who had just read sophie's world by jostein gaarder and thought herself a great philosopher (good for her), listening to "Conversations with my 13 year old self" by Pink on repeat (thought I was SO CLEVER with that), slowly transcribing all her old diaries into a new one, making sure that her comments are in a different pen colour (purple) to the original diary text (blue-black fountain pen ink) and that all the entries from the different diaries were in chronological order.

some of my favorite things are:

the whole first page is just me complaining about not finding the purple pen I wanted to use originally, so I had to use another purple pen, and then I go on about how I really should clean my room more often.

the next page is me finding the pen and actually starting the first letter to myself, telling me to ONLY READ THIS WHEN YOU'RE GROWN UP and explaining how I wanted to document what I was like at 13 in case I ever look back and wonder why I was the way I was or what I thought about certain things. I remember feeling so different at 13 than I had at 11 or 12 and being scared of change and of losing the way I felt at the time so I had this very strong urge to write down all my thoughts. This was also definitely influenced by sophie's world, bc the author talks about how children are the best philosophers and how we lose that ability as we grow up if we're not careful.

Even now, I keep going back to that diary every few years to add a little letter to future me in the back, so now I have a collection of letters from 13, and then 18-now, I love reading through it!

11 year old me lied about her "first kiss" (peck on the cheek at spin the bottle), and wrote a different guy's name who technically was my "second kiss" (peck on BOTH CHEEKS PLUS A HUG at spin the bottle.. that game ESCALATED QUICKLY and 11 yo me stopped playing when we got to the kiss on the mouth round haha bless her). 13 year old me called 11yo me out but still wrote a wrong guy's name LOL

13 year old me talks about what a boy-crazy partygirl 12 year old me (went to 2 boy-girl parties in one (1!) year!!) was and how NOW AT THE VERY MATURE AGE OF 13 I don't care about parties anymore (I stopped being friends with the cool kids and wasn't invited to any parties anymore) and I READ BOOKS ABOUT PHILOSOPHY NOW AND SPEND ALL MY TIME THINKING ABOUT PHILOSOPHICAL QUESTIONS. (13 yo me truly was a philisopher, but also the queerness and alienation from my peers was showing and I was compensating in an aggressive not like other girls kinda way)

#ask #ramblings #about me #hehehe thanks for sending me this #idk if this is a thing in other places (it should be bc its so fun) but where i live there are sometimes diary slams #like poetry slams except people read excerpts from their old diaries #and one of my friends is always trying to get me to sign up for one with that diary hahah #maybe one day #jamesunderwater

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subtile-jagden · 10 hours

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A little something about Ernst und Gretha Jüngers relationship

(Anon, I hope you meant his first wife and not his second!)

Their relationship seems to have been based on mutual love but the power dynamic was very off. Ernst Jünger was a misogynist in the classic sense for the first half of his life and had a very domineering personality which influenced his marriage.

They became a couple when Ernst was 27 and Gretha was 16. This is something not super uncommon in this time but in a letter from Gretha, when she´s in her 30s, she admits that she was half a child when he married her and was not able to stand up to him properly.

Young Gretha had a passion for acting and worked at a theater. Ernst disapproved of that, he did not like her dancing and singing in front of other men. While he tried to portray himself as an anti-establishment type of guy he wanted his relationship (and later marriage) to be a very standard, “Spießbürgertum”-approved one. An acress as a wife did not fit into this picture, so Gretha quit. In letters to her he describes how he is going to mold her to his liking and help her be the person he thought she should be and that she in return will help him achive everything he wants.

He loved her but influenced by his view on women he did not take her serious. In a diary entry when Ernst was around 50 he wrote that he needed to get to an older age to appreciate the conversation and the opinions of women (side note: towards the end of his life he expressed the opinion that matriarchy is preferable to patriarchy. So he changed his views quite radically). This view was very much influenced by his father who advised him “that his future wife should be from healthy stock. She doesn´t need to be beautiful and shouldn´t be too smart, as he himself is smart enough for both of them”.

Gretha called Ernst “der Gebieter“ (engl. Lord, Master). Both in an sarcastic way as she knew he wanted to be the one in charge but also because she accepted it.

Ernst cheated a lot. In the early years of their relationship he apparently did not, even promising her in a letter that he would never betray her, that he thinks it is a terrible thing to do (as a reaction to the family finding out that his sisters husband cheated on her). But already starting in the early 1930s he broke his promise. Friends and his brothers teased him about his unfaithfullness, describing him as “loyal/devoted but not faithful”.

During WW2 he had multiple affairs (Gretha gave him a free pass: “What happens during the war…”). Until this time the cheating was purely physical. But while being stationed in Paris he fell in love with the German-Jewish emigré Sophie Ravoux, seriously considering leaving Gretha. Gretha learned about his feelings when she read diary entries (Ernst regularly sent them back to her for safe keeping). This caused a huge crisis in their marriage. Gretha felt betrayed and abandoned. Especially considering that Ernst was in the relatively safe Paris living the high life with his mistress, while Gretha was back home, which already got heavily bombed. She had already packed her things ready to leave him for good. While Ernst seemed to really be sorry and begged her not to go, he also did not seem to understand what Grethas problem was. In his eyes he fulfilled his duty as a husband: he provided for her and their children but was basically like “you have a roof over your head and food in your belly what else could you possibly want?!”. Gretha stayed and Ernst left his mistress (but later he kept on cheating regularly).

Towards the end of the war, when Ernst was at home again their relationship improved. When the news of their sons death reached them, it brought them closer together too.

Gretha resented that he moved the family around a lot, she did not like living in Southern Germany, she wanted to stay in the north. In the 50s she left Ernst for a while, going back to Northern Germany because, you guessed it, his continuous cheating.

Finally, a few words about Gretha:

She seemed to be a very strong woman but was also a push over when it came to her marriage. She had a lot of internalized misogyny, something that nowadays gets used inflationary but she is like the symbol for it. In a letter to Ernst she writes “You know that I don't think much of my own gender”. It seems to be a defensive attitude, she felt threatened by other women, rightly so since Ernst has always been a womanizer. She primarily blamed the women for his infidelity. She learned to stand up to him as she got older but still tolerated more than she actually wanted to.

When Greta got sick he took care of her and seemed very lost after she died.

#ernst jünger #gretha jünger

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idkthisisjustforfanfic · 2 years

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A STUDY IN YOU, chapter ten

Everyone showed up at work that following Monday morning in a great mood. The request for a full season sprinkled excitement over the conference room, but you liked to think that the way Jason’s weekend started had something to do with the smile on his face.

Back to normal for a few days: internship, classes, offering emotional support to Max when he had another crisis related to his impending 30th birthday and, as he put it, the fact that dating apps were fruitless.

But on Halloween you found yourself at O’Hallorans in a purple velour tracksuit, a thick headband pulled your hair back and over your shoulders when Sophie (in her matching pink tracksuit) showed up with another round.

It was only 9pm--the night was young but you were already tipsy, thanks in part to Max’s credit card and the fact that your text to Jason had gone unanswered for almost two hours.

You clicked your phone shut and slipped it into your pocket, took a dejected sip when Naomi eyed you.

“You seem less energetic than usual,” she noted.

“I’m fine,” you sighed, a smile to let them know that while you might be lying, you’d certainly survive.

“Sudeikis drama?” Sophie pouted theatrically.

People were packed near by the bar like sardines, plenty of students and locals in costume, the music was already too loud.

You rolled your eyes but didn’t respond, they laughed and Max nudged you when he said: “Spill it--stop trying to be all coy about this.”

“He’s right,” Sophie nodded. “Half the fun of fucking your professor is gossiping about it.”

You fought a giggle at that--she wasn’t completely wrong.

“It’s nothing--I texted him and he didn’t reply and I don’t know. Sometimes he’s hard to read.”

“What do you mean hard to read?” Max asked.

“Well--I don’t know. Sometimes he seems super into it but then he pulls back.”

“Well, he’s got to be nervous,” Naomi shrugged. “I know gossiping is fun, but--there’s still a lot at stake.”

Right. The voice of reason.

“Oh come on, don’t ruin it for her and get in her head,” Sophie made a face at Naomi.

“She’s right,” you shook your head. “I’m just a student--just the intern,” you rolled your eyes at Jennie’s words.

“Fuck that,” Sophie said quickly, reaching for your phone. “What’d you say to him?”

She opened your text, a quick smirk at the fact that there was even a thread in the first place. She read your unanswered message out loud.

Any Halloween plans?

“Okay--well, he obviously didn’t reply because there’s nothing sexy about this,” Max looked up at you, disappointed in your flirting skills.

An unimpressed stare at your friend: “I’m a human, not just a vagina.”

“But that’s what he likes best about you,” Max teased, a laugh from all of them when you took your phone back from Sophie.

“It just feels like it’s always a tug of war or something--like we’re always fighting for the upper hand.”

“Well who has it now?” Naomi asked.

“I don’t know,” you shrugged. “Nothing’s happened in a while.”

“How long is a while?” Max pressed, his eyes narrowed when he sipped from his drink.

“Like, a week and a half ago or something,” you said with a flutter of your eyelashes. While you definitely kept them updated and in the loop, you certainly weren’t reading them diary entries or spilling every detail. “We got drinks with the other writers and then he walked me back to my place.”

“Oh my god,” Sophie lifted a shoulder in excitement. “Did he spend the night?”

“What?” You asked, shocked she thought things had progressed that far. “No! No--he walked me home and there was some action, but--no sex and he left pretty quickly.”

“Wait--” Naomi was more interested than you’d seen her previously. Maybe it was the dirty shirley in her cup. “Have you had sex again since that first time?”

“No,” you shook your head before admitting: “other stuff, but no--just that once.”

“Oh my god,” Max shook his head. “You need to sleep with him again.”

“Well--yeah, I mean--I wouldn’t hate that but I don’t want to be clingy or weird or--”

“Don’t overthink it,” Sophie groaned. “Just like Max needs to not overthink the fact that he kind of looks like Martha Stewart in jail instead of a Cheetah Girl.”

You all laughed at that, left O’Halloran’s by 10 to head to another bar where some of Naomi’s friends were already hanging out. You walked with them through campus, turned left outside the Student Center before your eyes trailed up and noticed a light on in a familiar window.

“Uh--you guys can keep walking,” you said suddenly, eyes darting up to Sophie’s when you smirked. “I’m gonna go see if he’s actually up there.”

They laughed and cheered and yelled obnoxious things when you climbed the steps to the building, swiped inside and laughed to yourself when you climbed the stairs. Was this crazy? Yeah.

The third floor was quiet like always, the light at the end of the hall and the sound of typing on a keyboard made your heartbeat pick up with each step.

He didn’t notice until the door latched behind you, he glanced up from his computer and the confusion in his eyes quickly faded to intrigue.

“Hi,” you said quietly, a smile when he stood.

“Hi,” he rounded the corner of his desk, you were already a few steps into the room. “How are you?”

“I’m good,” you purred, pushing up against him quickly. The alcohol you’d already consumed gave the confidence boost you needed. You pressed a kiss to his mouth as you tugged him down. “I texted you.”

“You did?” He smiled, looking over to his phone on the far side of his desk--face down. “Sorry--I’ve been working.”

“I can see that,” you smirked up at him. He looked down at you, took in the sight when his eyes traveled down your body and then back up. You reached forward to trace his outline over the fabric of his khakis.

“I’ve been drinking,” you confessed, a flutter of your eyelashes to let him know that while it was true, you weren’t wasted.

“I can tell,” he laughed. “And while I’m sure I would love whatever you look like you want to do to me—” he laughed, “I can’t.”

“You can’t?” You pouted up at him a little.

He sighed a little at that, like the sound of your voice had him rethinking it. “I would love to fuck you right now,” he nodded, about to say more when you cut him off.

“Good, then this will be quick,” your hand swooped down to graze over him.

“I don’t think you should do that,” he tried again, a coy smile when he shook his head, pushed your hands away from his belt buckle. The look in his eyes told you he dared you to do it.

“Why?” You turned over your shoulder and glanced at the door. “That locks, right?”

“I appreciate the offer, really, I do—”

He tried to stop you, gave in a little when your hand reached inside and wrapped around him.

“Oh, Jesus, Y/N,” he laughed, looked up nervously at the door you’d shut on your way in when you slunk down to your knees.

“The sooner you go along with it the sooner it’ll be over,” you looked up at him from your spot on the floor, licked your tongue right up his length when he swallowed down the desire.

“I’m not—yeah—I can go along with it.”

You pumped with your hand, took him into your mouth and smiled. But he didn’t last long like that, pulled you up and let his hands roam over your skin when he pressed a kiss to your jaw.

“I want more than your mouth,” he confessed. “And I don’t have long but I like the way you look when you’re trying not to scream.”

You knew what he was doing, knew from the look in his eyes that he was trying to take back the upper hand. You smiled up at him, turned him around and pushed him into the chair that sat opposite his desk. The one where you’d sat so many times, the one where his advisors sat as they hand-picked classes for each semester.

You unzipped the jacket you wore, revealed a matching purple tank top and then slid your pants down. His eyes drank you in--all the way down to the matching purple thong--before you straddled him and smirked down.

His voice was deep and throaty. “Are you gonna let me fuck you now?”

You nodded, smirked a little when he shifted beneath you, slid the fabric of your panties aside as he guided himself in. You settled on top of him, breath catching in your throat at how good he felt. He found the rhythm and thrusted in and out, catching your lips with his when his hands reached around to cup your ass.

You pulled your tank top off eventually, loved the way he seemed desperate to unhook your bra. His eyes watched you when his fingers trailed up to thumb against your nipple, your back arched involuntarily and you let out a moan that made him laugh.

“Yeah, baby,” he growled in your ear, “let me feel that pussy cum.”

And you did, you buried your head in his shoulder when he went faster and quicker, pleasantly surprised when he moaned your name into your ear only a few seconds after. You laughed and climbed off when you were finished, reached for a tissue to clean up before finding your clothes around the room.

He looked you up and down when he put his belt back on, trying to make sense of the purple velvet tracksuit. “And you’re supposed to be—”

“One quarter of the Cheetah Girls,” you said confidently, fixed your headband and straightened out the zipper on your jacket. “Sorry—would a school girl have been more your taste?”

He let his brows arch at your sass, walked over and sat at his desk now, hands behind his head when he smirked up at you.

“No,” he shrugged. “Cheetah Girls is good, you still look,” he nodded. “Good.”

You ignored the compliment. “You know who the Cheetah Girls are?”

“I mean I can’t say I’ve seen the movies,” he admitted, head tilted to the side. “But I don’t live under a rock.”

“It was Max’s idea,” you shot him a glance. “It was either this or the four seasons.”

“The band, or the…” he motioned out the window, “earth seasons?”

“The earth seasons,” you clarified with a laugh.

“Well, if monochrome tracksuits ever come back in style, good to know you can rock it.”

“Oh they will,” you said confidently. “Just give it a few years.”

There was a knock on the door then. Jennie smiled and held up a bag of take out food through the window. Your eyes went wide when you took a quick step over to open it.

“Sorry that was locked--old doors and old building,” Jason lied.

“No worries--hey Y/N,” she smiled, “are you joining?”

“No,” you said quickly, eyes darting over to Jason. He said he didn’t have much time but you didn’t know it was because of her. “I was just leaving.”

“You can stay if you want,” Jason said quickly. “Jennie just got dinner--we hadn’t eaten.”

“Oh no,” you shook your head. “That’s okay--I’ve got somewhere to be. Just wanted to give you that assignment,” you tried to cover your tracks.

Jennie came and sat in the chair you’d just had sex in, her eyebrows furrowed with confusion when she took a plastic container out of the bag.

“Thanks, yeah,” Jason nodded. “I’ll uh--grade it ASAP.”

“Sounds good.”

An awkward pause, Jennnie smiled up at you like she could sense something in the room but didn’t know what. You headed for the door and down the hallway, unsure how something could turn from good to bad so quickly.

November 14th, 2018

The first few weeks of November were a blur. Brainstorms and rushing to get ahead on the script left you unable to even think about Jason and the sex in his office on Halloween and how Jennie of all people showed up.

You were annoyed. As petty or as immature as it was, you spent a good two weeks brewing and working yourself up over the thought of the two of them alone together in his office.

Was he sleeping with her, too?

“No fucking way,” Max had his hand around your phone when you showed them a picture one night in Sophie’s living room. “He’s not having sex with her.”

“What makes you so sure?” Naomi forked a bite of noodles into her mouth.

“She’s cute but,” Max shrugged. “She’s not a 27-year-old with a tight ass.”

“Ew,” you made a face at him.

“Why don’t you just ask him if he’s fucking her?” Sophie shrugged, her eyes innocent when she took a hit from the joint Max had brought. “You’re allowed to know if someone you’re sleeping with is sleeping with anyone else.”

“That would be so awkward,” you groaned. “And it might make me seem territorial, which I’m not.”

Max gave a knowing look. “Says the girl who’s literally mad about him hanging out with a coworker.”

“I just think it’s weird that he didn’t tell me she was getting them food--I wouldn’t have had sex with him right then if I knew that!”

“He wanted you so badly he just couldn’t say no,” Sophie said this wistfully, a giggle when she handed the joint to Naomi.

“Maybe,” you sighed, “but I don’t know—having sex with him is one thing, a love triangle is a whole other level of insane.”

“You’re not insane,” Max reassured. “You’re lustful and swept away in the romance,” he wrapped his arms around himself and wiggled excitedly.

“And I don’t want to bite off more than I can chew,” you reminded them all.

“You can handle him, are you kidding me?” Sophie got fired up at this, her forehead wrinkled when she leaned forward to give you a shove. “You’re young and hot and he's trying to not get fired for fucking his intern! You have the power!”

You looked at her, nodded slowly when it sunk in.

“He needs you more than you need him,” she smiled.

You weren’t sure if you bought it, though Sophie spent plenty of time that evening trying to convince you. On Wednesday you decided to just act normal, you scribbled over the script in a red pen and wondered what made him walk in almost twenty minutes late.

You grabbed lunch with Javier and stayed until 7pm, excited to finish a pivotal scene for the main character.

You now had a full map of the rest of the season: post-it notes stuck up around the room with the details and plot points in Jason’s handwriting.

You eyed him quietly when he tugged his jacket on.

“Long day,” you commented, a few steps into the hallway when he was right behind you. You read a text from Naomi about upcoming plans when he laughed a little.

“Yeah, welcome to the stressful part.”

“Why is this the stressful part?”

He followed you to the elevator, put his hands in his pockets when the doors split apart. “Now we’ve got to deliver a whole season and put our money where our mouths are.”

He glanced over to you quickly, almost like he, too, thought about how his mouth felt when he trailed down your jaw.

You nodded, offered a smile when Dan slipped into the elevator just before the doors closed. A few laughs on the way down to the ground floor, Dan split off when you and Jason turned left towards the subway.

You looked up at him quickly, a tugging in your chest when you cleared your throat.

“Would you—uh—wanna get dinner, or something?”

Not a date. You weren’t trying to do anything. It just felt human.

“Oh,” he looked over his shoulder, a restaurant nearby that you knew he liked. “Uh—I actually have to get home, uh—just, yeah, maybe another night.”

You nodded, swallowed down the sharp edges of rejection. “Yeah—sure.”

It stung, even though you wished it didn’t. You faked a phone call and let him catch the train without you, too wounded to sit beside him and count the stops until your walk home.

November 22nd, 2018

“Y/N--can you talk for a second before you go?”

Those words would typically raise your pulse. But now, when Jason glanced in your direction as the rest of your classmates packed up, your stomach flipped and your heartbeat climbed.

Your contact with him had declined after Halloween, a result of your own pettiness and immaturity paired with an increase in work stress.

But that wasn’t all. Your anxiety had upped the ante, now sprinkled thoughts like who else is he hooking up with into your morning coffee.

You nodded when you met his eyes, took your time making an edit on the script when he shut his laptop. The last few students trickled out of the room. Once you were alone he cleared his throat.

“Hey.”

“Hi,” you looked up at him, your best attempt at a calm demeanor.

“How are you?”

“Good,” you laughed a little. It’s not like you didn’t see him almost 5 days a week. It’s not like he didn’t know what you’d been up to.

“Yeah?” He nodded, a hesitant smile when you put your computer to sleep and stood. “Doesn’t seem like it.”

“Why’s that?” You asked, eyebrows dipping when he shrugged.

An air of confidence when he let out a deep breath. “Feels like things have been kind of weird since Halloween.”

“Halloween,” you nodded, acting aloof as you tugged your bag over your shoulder. “Hmm.”

He laughed quietly, kept his eyes on yours when he spoke: “I’m sorry if Jennie showing up like—weirded you out.”

You shook your head quickly, tried to play it off. “Oh, no—it’s whatever, it’s not a big deal.”

His eyebrows raised in slight surprise, he waited a beat but gave you a knowing look.

“We were just working on the script and,” he shrugged, “I obviously have a hard time saying no to you.”

You licked your lips and nodded, unsure what to say. If you admitted it bothered you it would tip him off, let him know that you thought about what he did on the weekends and wondered what type of cereal he ate.

He’d know you were jealous or petty and he’d know that in the deepest darkest depths of your brain a part of you whispered: what if I’m actually into him?

“I’ve just never had to interact socially with someone so quickly after an orgasm,” you said honestly, a smirk at your upcoming word choice. “Aside from the person I’m fucking.”

You watched him swallow, nod slowly when he smirked. “Right.”

“But we’re good,” you nodded quickly.

“Okay,” he nodded, but his eyebrows dipped like he didn’t really believe you.

“Okay,” you smiled a little and turned to leave, made sure to let your hips sway a little extra when you walked right out of the classroom.

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AN: ten whole chapters of a professor jason fic i am laughing very hard. SO GLAD you guys like this story, and I can't wait for it to get a little more juicy now that things are actually steamy between Jason and MC!

#asiy #a study in you #jason sudeikis fic #jason sudeikis #jason sudeikis fan fic #jason sudeikis fanfic #jason sudeikis blurb #jason sudeikis writing #jason sudeikis fan fiction #jason sudeikis fanfiction #jason sudeikis reader insert #jason sudeikis x yn #jason sudeikis x reader

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