#sorry yall i needed some kind of outlet and as we all know

[freshoutthemfslammer]

AH going over to this guys place... pretty sure we're gonna hook up !! i am a ball of nerves rn yo. PLS wish me luck, safety and PLSSS let this actually be fun and not a lame hookup w someone who doesnt know what theyre doing

#ya girl is STRESSIN #ughhhhh pls let this be fun #i got my mace so im ready to rock and roll #UGH stress but excitement #sorry yall i needed some kind of outlet and as we all know #telling the internet is the normal and sane thing to do #anyways back to girlblogging til i have to leave

[yesimwriting]

Final Girl (Part 3)

- Final Girl Series Masterlist (updated part 1 - 9 and extras) 

A/n yall have been so kind!! all of the messages, likes, comments, and reblogs for this series have made me so happy! this chapter is a little bit of filler bc my original idea for this part was way too long especially with how busy this week is supposed to be, so i sort of split it!! 

also if this has pacing issues, i’m sorry, i had a panic attack yesterday and a really bad migraine today so it’s been kinda rough lately but i wanted to get this out!! Part 4 is going to have a little more going on :)

if this is messy pls don’t give up on me 😭 i promise the next part will have more going on i just didn’t want to leave y’all waiting forever and we needed a bit of a filler

also if anyone wants to leave me an ask about this series pls do:) i’ve had so much fun talking about Final Girl

Series Summary: Y/n can’t believe that she has to leave the only home she’s ever known just because her mom’s latest boyfriend has a house in some town in California. Just as she’s starting to think that Woodsboro might not be that bad, something life altering happens after she agrees to sleep over at  Becker’s house. Now her name is practically synonymous with Ghostface’s. 

Chapter Summary: Y/n’s first day back after the incident. 

----

My reflection has never bothered me more. I know vanity is such a stupid thing to worry about now after what happened to Casey, but I can’t help the way I scrutinize my appearance. 

The attention drawing cotton-y bandaid that was placed on the gash on the side of my temple has been (thankfully) downgraded to a regular bandaid. That’s fine--I can accept that. What I can’t accept are the stupid cuts caused by all of that glass.

After being released from the hospital, it took no time for me to learn that it’s going to be awhile before I can comfortably wear pants again. My arms are a little less cut up, so the white, long sleeved shirt I picked out covers my injuries without irritating them. I tried on a pair of leggings and I barely got them to my thighs without wincing.

So now I’m wearing the most comfortable skirt I own. Normally, I wouldn’t even think twice about it, I wear this skirt so often, but it barely covers any of the cuts on the back of my legs. God...people are going to think I’m doing this for attention, especially since media outlets keep calling my house. 

Ugh--this is as good as it’s going to get for my first day back. I pick my backpack up from my bed. My eyelids feel so heavy I have to fight the urge to collapse back into bed. 

The walk downstairs is painfully slow. Once I’m finally in the hall that leads to the kitchen, I stop. A vague confusion clouds my thoughts. Was I going to the kitchen? What did I want from the kitchen?

“Mornin’, kiddo.” I blink at the sound of Wells’ voice. At least it’s offering me a sense of a direction. 

Stepping fully in the kitchen, I greet back, “Good morning.” 

He eyes me for a long second, piercing blue irises lingering in a way that makes me feel uneasy in my own skin. “Skirt’s a little grown, ain’t it?” When my only reaction is to furrow my eyebrows, he continues, “What happened to those little girl dresses you used to wear? I liked those.” 

I grab the strap of my backpack, shifting slightly. I stopped wearing those dresses after he had been dating my mom for a few months. “Outgrew them, I guess.” 

Wells nods once, the motion gruff as he moves to grab his mug. He lets out a curt, gruff noise. 

“Oh, Wells.” Like always, my mom’s voice chases away all the tension. “Don’t you know better than telling a girl what to wear? Especially a teenager. Now ease up, 16-year-old me would make Y/n look like a saint.” With that, my mom finally looks at me. “You look pretty, like always, I especially like your top.” It takes me a second to realize that my mom’s referencing the fact that I stole this shirt from her closet. I let out a soft, slow laugh. “You okay?” 

I nod drastically. “Yep, just want to get the first day back over with.” 

“I can’t believe you only took one day off. When I was your age, I’d have taken half a week off for less.” 

“It’s going to be bad no matter when I go back. My name’s been all over the news.” I release the strap of my backpack, scratching the back of my wrist. “Plus it’s junior year and that one day off already has me drowning in makeup work. I can’t afford to fall behind. Junior year is the year colleges look at most. This year could make or break whether or not I get into Princeton.” 

My mom holds her hands up in defense. “Yes, I know, you ranted to me about it yesterday. Just promise me you’ll listen to your body. I don’t love that you haven’t had your follow up appointment yet to confirm whether or not you have a concussion.” 

“Mom, I’m fine, promise. I’ll let you know if I start to feel weird.” 

She watches me for a long second, likely attempting to scan me the way an MRI machine would. “Fine, you need a ride or--” 

“Actually, a friend’s picking me up.” 

At that my mom tilts her head in a way that’s so knowing I feel the urge to confess even though I’ve done nothing. “A friend as in one of those two boys that spent all weekend calling and checking in on you?” 

My mom spent the last two days at my side. Normally it would have annoyed me, but it was actually nice. It reminded me of life before Wells. There was one downside, though. She saw how often Billy and Stu called. It wasn’t terrible and she probably would have picked up on it anyway, but it’s opened the ground to a lot of jokes and comments on her part.

“You’re the one who brought them into this. I would have never thought to call Billy while I was at the hospital.” That’s true. Even though we were friends before the incident, I wouldn’t have thought to call anyone except my mom. “And they’re just trying to be there for me like good friends.” 

At that, my mom leans against the kitchen island. “Y’know when I was your age, I had a guy that just wanted to be a good friend and drove me to school. Now I have a daughter.” 

I roll my eyes, “Haha. Yes--I’m going to get pregnant in the less than 10-ish minutes we’re going to have before we need to get to class.” 

“It only took about 8 minutes to make you, and that includes me getting dressed and fixing my hair after. Just saying.” 

I make a point of fake gagging. “Bye mom, Wells.“

“What? I was joking!” 

I walk towards the front door. A hand on my shoulder makes me nearly jump out of my skin. “Mom! You scared me.” 

She offers me a sheepish smile, “You know I’m kidding, right? They’re nice for caring.” 

“I know, mom.” 

With a sigh, she continues, “Just be sa--” 

“Oh my God, mom! I’m not having se--” 

“Easy, pumpkin,” she laughs off my outburst, “I mean in general. Don’t strain yourself and don’t feel like you need to push through. You want to go home early and I’ll pick you up.” 

I smile softly. “Yeah, I will.” 

With that, I open the front door. The sun is so bright I have to drop my head as I walk down the driveway. Wells’ house is objectively nicer than the house my mom and I lived in when we were still in Texas, but I still find myself missing the familiarity of our old front porch. 

Squinting, I look up and notice a car waiting next to the mailbox. How did I miss that? Rubbing my eyes with one hand, I approach the vehicle. 

I pull open the door to the backseat. Two sets of eyes turn towards me. “You know you guys didn’t have to wait for me.” I push my backpack into the car before sitting down. “You could’ve honked or something,” 

“We just got here,” Billy says easily, but I’m not sure I believe him. 

Stu turns in his seat to face me better as I shut the car door. “Plus we don’t mind giving you time to get all dolled up. Especially since today’s going to be a total bloodbath.” 

His wording leaves me more confused than upset. I draw my eyebrows together, shifting awkwardly. “What do you mean?” 

“Everyone’s gone crazy over what happened. I think more people were talking about you than Casey, and Casey’s the one that got gutted. It’s all over the news. They hung her from that tree in--” Billy moves his hand from the console in order to smack the side of Stu’s head. “Ow, man--what was that for?” 

“It’s not even 8 yet, at least let her wake up first before you traumatize her.” 

The thought of Casey makes my stomach twist, but I’m not focused in on anything enough to really react. Tiredly, I pull my backpack onto my lap and squeeze it to my body. “It’s fine,” I’m not sure if I’m talking to them or myself. 

Stu and Billy exchange a look that I barely register before resting my chin on my bag. “Are you okay? You didn’t even do that cute, little glare thing you do when you want me to shut up.” 

“I’m fine,” I answer a little too quickly, forcing myself to sit up some more, “A little tired.” Stu’s watching me a little too carefully and I catch Billy glancing at me through the rearview mirror. “Seriously?” Sighing, I shift in my seat, “First my mom and now you guys. I’m fine.”

My reaction is just a little too angry. Maybe if I felt a little more rested, I would have known better. Stu moves until he’s siting in the passenger seat normally. “Crying over the fact that you’re a total mommy’s girl.” 

Rolling my eyes and ignoring the way the motion irritates my migraine, I lean back in my seat. “Put on a seatbelt, asshole.” 

Even though that’s said with more bite and irritation than anything I’ve ever said to him, Stu laughs. It’s light and terribly offensive. I frown, looking over at Billy as heat crawls up my neck and towards my face. He’s just barely fighting down a grin. “It’s not that funny.” 

“No,” Stu sarcastically agrees, “That was so mean of you. I can’t remember the last time someone insulted me and tried to take care of me at the same time.” 

I cross my arms around my backpack. “Why did I agree to getting into a contained space with you two so early in the morning?” 

“Because you don’t have a license.” Billy looks way too smug as he turns the wheel as we move down a curb. 

I glare at him. “You extorted that information out of me while I was super out of it and half asleep.” 

“You said it yourself, it’s not like one of us asked.” 

He’s right and I hate it. I sink further into the seat, tempted to shut my eyes, but knowing that there’s no guarantee that I won’t fall asleep if I do. “Whatever.” 

Stu half laughs at that before starting to talk about a new scary movie that’s coming out. The plot sounds kind of basic, but I’m not one to judge until I see the movie. Normally, I’d be totally invested. I kind of like when Stu rambles about something he’s interested in, but now I’m struggling to hold my head up. 

I don’t register that we’re in the school parking lot until both Billy and Stu get out of the car. Once they’re both out, I shake my head once in an attempt to clear my thoughts. Get it together.

When I step out of the car, I make a point of keeping my eyes on the ground in front of me. Stu may exaggerate every once in awhile, but I don’t think he’s wrong about school. My mom has been fielding calls since the morning I was discharged from the hospital and last night while I was flipping through channels, I saw my face three times.

Before I can even think, a bright flash makes me flinch. The light is like a punch behind the eye thanks to my headache. That is followed by a series of other equally bright and irritating camera shutters. 

Shit. 

Billy steps towards me, dropping his voice so that only I can hear, “You know we don’t have to.” 

Taking a settling breath, I tilt my chin up a fraction of an inch. “It’s fine,” I say, hoping that I’ll convince myself, “Can’t hide forever.” 

We walk forward, me a few steps ahead of Billy and Stu. My fast pace is a sad attempt at ripping off the bandaid. 

“Excuse--Excuse me, miss!” I squeeze the strap of my backpack so tightly my knuckles must be white from the tension. “Miss Y/n L/n.” The woman that waves me down is holding a large microphone. She barely glances at me before turning her attention back to the camera man that followed her as she chased me. “Hi. Gale Weathers. I covered the last one of these.” 

I wince. “I’m sorry, when you say ‘the last one of these’ do you mean the last murder or--” 

“...And we’re rolling!” In nature, bright colors are meant to warn living things of poison. I think that logic could be applied to Gale Weathers and her auburn hair and blood red lips. “I’m Gale Weathers and I’m bringing you an exclusive with the lone survivor of what some are calling the worst murder in Woodsboro history.” She then turns towards me, “Now, Y/n, our viewers want to know exactly what you’re feeling.” 

Her microphone is way to close to my face. “Well, Gale, I’m glad you asked,” I’m speaking in the polite tone I used to reserve for rude customers when I worked in the mall last summer, “I’m feeling fan-freakin’-tastic!” 

The false enthusiasm jars her the way I hoped it would. She brings the microphone back to her. “Really?” 

“No, you vulture. Ambush interviewing is as tacky as that suit.” 

With that, I turn away and attempt to storm into school with an aura that scares away reporters. I’ve only ever seen that kind of confident magic come from my mom, but she’s half my genetic material, that means it must be in me somewhere, right?

Apparently wrong, because the cameras continue to flash. One man gets so close to me that his rapid photographing leaves me dizzy. 

“Okay,” an arm quickly wraps around my side, stabilizing me, “You got your pictures, now leave her alone.” The scent of Tatum’s perfume is comforting as she guides me the rest of the way inside. Once we’re inside, we’re granted the semblance of some privacy. “And I thought they were bad yesterday. Are you okay?” 

I nod, relaxing a little at her casual expression. Maybe if I try hard enough, I’ll be able to pretend that this is an average Tuesday. “I’m fine, I’m just tired, and I can’t believe how obsessed everyone is.” 

“Of course they’re obsessed.” For the first time ever, Randy’s voice is completely unwelcome. “You’re the sole survivor, the only witness to tell the story, the--for lack of better term--final girl.” 

Being in a friend group with so many people that are really into horror movies is all fun and games until they summarize the great trauma of your life in a movie trope. “Really? I never would have thought of it that way.” 

Sidney glares at Randy in defense of me. I appreciate it, but it doesn’t make me feel any better. “It’s too soon for those kinds of jokes.” 

My sarcasm was pure venom and Sidney’s reaction, though well intentioned, only made me feel sorry. Randy offers me a sheepish sort of look that immediately makes me feel bad for being so snippy. His comment wouldn’t have bothered me so much if it wasn’t for what just happened, and he wasn’t really trying to be mean. That actually might have been an attempt to lighten the mood, especially since he knows that the final girl storyline is one of my favorites. He’s always recommending movies that end like that. 

“Thanks, Sid, but I came on a little strong. I’m sorry, Randy, I’ve been a total nightmare all day. Just ask Billy and St--” I look around, a little surprised that they’re not right behind me. Aw, I lost them in all that commotion. “Weird--they were just behind me.” Shaking off the slightly lost feeling with the turn of my head, I move on, “Ask them later. The point is, I’ve been awful. It’s not your guys’ fault that this is my life right now.” 

Randy’s expression morphs from being almost hurt to something that’s even more of a punch in the gut. He seems sympathetic. “It’s okay, you’re holding it together way more than I would be. I don’t even know how you’re at school today.” 

“Yeah, how are you even here, Y/n?” Tatum echoes, her voice a little softer than before. 

It’s a good question. Now that I’m here all those points I made about school and grades and Princeton feel so far away. “It had to happen at some point, I might as well rip off the band aid. I just want everything to go back to normal.” I shift awkwardly, watching them watch me. “And the man that did this doesn’t deserve the satisfaction of my fear.” 

After a moment, Randy prompts, “...And?” 

“And what?” 

He half smiles. “Come on, Y/n, if you want this to feel normal, you’re going to have to give us the Princeton rant.” 

I roll my eyes before scoffing. “I do not talk about Princeton often enough for you to warrant naming it a specific rant.” 

Randy raises an eyebrow at my obvious lie. “You must have really hit your head hard.” 

“Rude.“ I turn towards Tatum, “Tate, you don’t think I’m like obsessed with Princeton.

She parts her lips as she debates the way she wants to respond. Before she can say anything, Stu walks up from behind me and pulls Tatum into a hug. He then gives her a soft kiss that feels linger-y. Wait--why am I noticing that? That’s...that’s weird of me. And why does this feel more uncomfortable than the time I caught them full on making out in the girl’s bathroom? Why is that tiny display of affection sitting in my chest in a way that makes it hard to look at them? 

More annoyed at my thoughts than the way Stu cups her face, I force my myself to stare at the locker in front of me. There are polaroids of people I don’t know tapped to the front of it.

Ugh--screw the guy that threw me into that wall. My head must be totally messing with me. 

“What are you guys talking about?” Billy’s sudden appearance surprises me more than it should. At this point, I should know that when I see one the other isn’t too far behind. He has an arm around Sidney’s shoulders, and she’s leaning into his touch just enough for it to be noticeable. Since when is Billy so into PDA? 

Oh my god, what’s wrong with me? Maybe my mom was right to think I have some kind of brain injury. My eyes snap back to the locker. “Nothing.”

“Y/n’s obsession with an Ivy League school in New Jersey.”

After a moment of silence, I realize that everyone’s waiting for me to speak. “Not an obsession.” My response lacks my usual level of conviction when talking about Princeton in any capacity. I can feel the fragile way they’re all looking at me. My eyes focus on the polaroids in front of me until everything else blurs into the background. 

The polaroids have my eyes watering and I don’t know why. They’re just stupid pictures of people I don’t know. Casey’s voice echoes in my head. It’s a punch in the gut.

Stu’s voice cuts through the static of my thoughts. “Y/n? Are you o--”

“I think I remembered something.” The admission is so low I’m surprised anyone hears it. “Randy, do you have a copy of the news article? Not the first one, the second one that lists everything found at the crime scene?” 

“Yeah,” Randy admits it like it’s an apology, “In my backpack.” 

“Can I see it?”

Everyone stays quiet at that. There’s an energy in the air that makes me feel as trapped as I did in the hospital. “Come on, guys, I don’t need to be babied. The pictures aren’t going to freak me out, I was kinda there for the real thing.” 

“At the hospital, didn’t you say you were unconscious for most of it?” Billy’s remark earns him a glare so harsh that he moves his hands to hold them up in defense before dropping them to his side. 

“Fine. Whatever. Don’t show me the newspaper, I’ll find my own copy, it’s everywhere. There’s a good chance some jag-off shoved one into my locker anyways.” Ugh--why is everyone so impossible? I turn on my heels, unsure if I’m fuming or ready to burst into tears.

I don’t even make it a full step before something locks around my upper forearm. My head snaps back as the hand’s sudden grip softens. “Come on, bug.” That leaves me hesitant. Stu called me that the day after we first met. Since then, the nickname has mainly been reserved to calm me down. I’ve asked him about it before, but he always refuses to explain it. “You’re just going to make yourself sick.” 

Biting the inside of my cheek, I frown. The group learned about my weak stomach early on in our friendship. My first night drinking with them ended with me throwing up in Stu’s bathroom. That wouldn’t have been so embarrassing if I was totally wasted, but I was objectively way too sober to get that sick.

There’s some underlying quality to his words. A quality that’s too knowing, too sure. He’s being more condescending than sweet. “I think I can manage.” I pull my arm away, ignoring the way his expression blanks. “I’m not a vase or a little kid, I don’t need you all treating me like I’m that unbelievably fragile.”

Stu angles his head to the side. I force myself to tilt my chin upwards in an attempt to stand my ground. I don’t fully get whatever face off we’re in, but I’ll be damned if I lose it this quickly. “Since you’re all grown up, Y/n, look at whatever you want, but don’t come crying to me about it.” 

I take a step forward, indignation leaving my spine straight. “When have I ever--” 

“You couldn’t even spend a few hours by yourself in a hospital.”

The unfairness of his statement forces a scoff from my lips. I take a step forward. “I didn’t ask for your help then and I’m not asking for it now.” 

“Stu.” Billy’s voice is level, bordering on neutral. 

At that, Stu exhales, but he doesn’t stop staring at me. “It’s fine, Billy.” 

“Yeah,” Stu echoes, shifting towards me, “Y/n’s fine, she doesn’t need anyone.” 

A sarcastic, half thought out reply rises up my chest and jams itself in my throat. I don’t think I’ve ever thought about how much taller than me Stu is. He’s looking down at me with an intensity that hits me straight in the stomach. Great, another feeling I don’t understand. “Whatever,” I mumble, “I need to get to class.” 

The bell rings a moment after I turn. I walk to homeroom, not thinking twice about it until I’m sitting in front of an empty desk. 

My face is hot, my head hurts, and Mrs. Ramirez’s announcements are drowned out by a ringing in my ears. When the bell rings, I can’t get out of the room fast enough. Normally, Stu’s around right after homeroom, ready to walk me to math. 

I don’t know what that weird argument was in the hallway, but I’m not ready to deal with it yet. So even though I’m gripping the straps of my backpack so tightly it hurts, I take the long way to class. There are no memories of Casey in AP Calc AB, so this time when I sit at my desk, I can breathe.

By the time I’m pulling out my notebook, the bell rings. Mr. Williams walks to the front of the classroom, “Alright, everyone in their seat. For today’s exam, you are permitted the use of a graphing calculator.”

Shit. The test. I forgot about the calc test. Mr. Williams begins to hand out the exam. When he gets to me, I stop him, “Mr. Williams, I-I was wondering if I could possibly take the exam on another day? After the events of this weekend, I--” 

“Ms. L/n, I made it clear to the entire class that I do not believe in scheduling a makeup exam the day of.” 

My fingers nervously scratch at the back of my wrist. “And I understand that, and normally I’d never ask, but if you’ve seen the news--” 

“Ms. L/n, do you want to take the test or would you rather me put a 0 in the grade book?” 

I could scream. I want to scream, but instead, all I do is nod, “Take the test.” 

And with that, he places the packet on my desk. The sound it makes feels like a death sentence. The next 50 minutes are a nightmare. I don’t remember how to do half the problems, and what I do remember, I can’t seem to do right. By the time the bell rings, I’m in full on panic mode. Mr. Williams collects the test and I leave the room like it’s on fire. 

The sharp pain in my head has never been this bad. I reach my locker, unlocking it to grab my bottle of ibuprofen. I take two Advil without any water. Today totally, unbelievably sucks. I need to splash some water in my face. 

The bathroom is thankfully empty. Pushing my backpack off of my shoulders and onto the counter, I turn on the sink. The water is cool against my fingers, and for the first time all day, I feel like I can breathe. My bandaid is sticking out to me too much so I force my gaze downwards. 

There’s a long abandoned copy of a newspaper on the counter. Its corners are so wet that the words at the start and end of the article are unreadable. The page it’s opened to has no photos. I’m sure if I flipped through it I’d find something listing everything the police found inside the house that night. 

Stu’s earlier claim echoes in my head as I pick up the newspaper. I’m not sure if I’m more motivated by spite or the desire to answer the question in my head, but I guess it doesn’t matter, because the end result is the same. I turn the page, skimming the article. The intro is so long that I still haven’t gotten to the murder, let alone what the police found after. I flip ahead until I find what I’m looking for.

I read the section about everything that was found twice. They mention everything down to the burned jiffy pop and the tube of lipgloss Casey left in the living room. The paragraph never mentions the polaroids from the kitchen.

He took pictures of me from the crime scene. 

Unease leaves my stomach in knots. The killer, who talked to me on the phone like we were best friends and chose to not kill me took photos of me. 

I turn the page frantically, desperate to see if the polaroids are mentioned there. Big mistake. Casey’s photo is staring at me, but she’s not her in it. She’s hanging from that big tree in her yard and her--her intestines... 

Cold sweat leaves my hands clammy. My body knows what’s happening before I do. A stall door gets thrown open just in time for me to throw myself onto my knees. Bile and whatever’s left of last night’s dinner burn as they come up my throat. I wretch. 

An unexpected but not unpleasant touch is pressed into my back as my hair is pushed out of my face. More bile leaves me. 

After a second passes and I don’t throw up a third time, I turn my head just enough to see who’s next to me. Billy. He doesn’t say anything at my recognition, he just moves his hand up and down my back gently. 

“...I found a newspaper.” 

“Yeah, I assumed after i heard the…”

He’s trailing off to be nice. I shift in order to sit cross legged on the floor. “Right. That’s fair.” 

His hand stalls against my back. “I didn’t mean it li--” 

“I know.” My voice is too small.

Billy moves his free hand. I don’t know what he’s doing until he’s pulling the paper away from me. I let him take the newspaper and place it somewhere on the other side of him. “Why’d you look?” 

“I--earlier, I was looking at this locker in front of us and it had polaroids taped to it, and-and that made me remember that on Saturday, Casey took a bunch of pictures of me. Polaroids.” I wipe at my face with the back of my palm. "The article’s super detailed, but it didn’t mention any pictures. I-I think that means that the person took them.”  

Billy’s eyebrows draw together. The corner of his mouth turns downwards. “You’re making yourself sick over this.” 

“Because it’s a big deal!” My reaction is harsher than it should be. He’s being nice to me after I blew up at everyone this morning and they were just trying to be good friends. And after this, I’m in no position to talk about what I am and am not able to handle. “It’s a big deal that I’m alive and Casey isn’t.” Taking a shaky breath, I continue, “And I should--I have to make it right somehow. Casey’s dead and I’m alive because it fit whatever plot he wanted to make. It was total chance, the killer probably flipped a coin while outside of her house to pick which one of us would live and which one would end up like...” I gesture vaguely in the direction of the newspaper, “That.” 

He’s quiet for so long I think he may not respond at all. His hand begins to move up and down my back again in the form of small circles. “Do you really think that?” 

Shrugging, I lean into his touch. “I mean, it’s probably either that or a stalker scenario.”

“You don’t have to figure it out. Just because you’re the one that survived doesn’t mean you need to put yourself through this. Especially now. It just happened, give yourself some time.” His voice is so assuring and oddly comforting I feel my eyes water. “What’s wrong?” 

Despite myself, I almost snort. “I think you know what’s wrong.” 

He gives me a semi bitchy look. “Something else happened, I can see it on your face.” 

Frowning, I let my gaze drop to the ground. “Am I that transparent?” 

Billy moves, the hand that’s not on my back coming beneath my chin. I let him tilt my head upwards until our eyes meet. “You have no idea.”

Warmth crawls up my face. He smiles. “Fine, I’ll tell you but it’s stupid.” 

“It’s not stupid.” 

I raise an eyebrow. “Well, I’ve had a really bad headache all day and then I get to first period and Mr. Williams starts talking about an exam. And that’s how I realized that I completely forgot about the calc unit test. I tried using the whole almost murdered excuse--I kinda hated myself for it, but it doesn’t matter, because he didn’t even go for it.” With a dramatic, deprecating sigh, I start to pick at a loose thread in my shoe lace. “Mr. Williams doesn’t believe in getting out of the test the day of. There’s no way I didn’t fail it, and it’s an AP class so that’s going to mess with my entire GPA.” 

He doesn’t comment on my teariness or the way that I almost sniffle, he just continues to softly rub my back. The gesture is starting to feel somewhat maternal, but it’s nice. “He made you take the test?” 

“Mr. Williams’ is a total asshole.” 

Billy’s mouth turns upwards, “He sounds like it.” I smile, leaning into his touch. “You should go back to the doctor.” He frowns when I move away from him. “Your head hurts, you’re moody--” 

“Am not.” 

“Right, because that stand off with Stu earlier was like you.” 

Right--that weird moment in the hallway. Great, Stu’s probably mad at me, and there’s no way that me going out of my way to not see him before math is something he’s going to take lightly. “He’s probably so mad at me.” 

“I wouldn’t worry about it,” Billy says, “He can’t stay mad at you.” 

I give him a look. “He’s petty.” 

Billy smiles after a second. “He’ll be petty about it, but he won’t actually be mad.” Before I can respond, Billy stands, “Come on, you need to go to a doctor.” 

After a second, I stand, taking his hand. “Fine.” 

----

Taglist: @cole22ann @i-amnotokaywiththis 

#scream #scream x reader #scream 1996 #scream imagine #ghostface #ghostface x reader #poly!ghostface #poly!ghostface x reader #stu macher #stu macher x reader #billy loomis #billy loomis x reader #x reader #final girl fic #slasher fic #slasher x reader

[clits-and-clips]

Hey there, friend! I happened to see several of your most recent posts and just wanted to take a moment and reach out. I am truly sorry that so many terrible things have caused you so much agony and distress. I am glad you have a supportive sibling with whom you were able to vent and relieve some of that pain and frustration. I know how posting those frustrations, as you were, can sometimes feel like crying into a void, but this isn't a void. On the other end are many people who hear and see you, who care about you, even as an unmet and anonymous individual, just as you are a caring person on your end. If you ever feel the need to unload to someone, I am here and more than happy to listen, engage, or support, and I am certain I am not the only one. Yes, we may be a community of degenerates who use these blog spaces to explore or express the sides of ourselves less often associated with tenderness, kindness, thoughtfulness, or care for one another, but just as you are a person on your end, so too are we. I am not one for platitudes, as I have heard too many of them myself to know how easily they are given and how uncaring they can feel. I am sorry for your pain. I appreciate your openness. Your wellbeing is my concern, as it is to many others, degenerate strangers included.

I've just woken up so I am struggling to reply to all of this lmao but thank you! I do feel like an idiot venting so much personal shit here and it is possibly not a great thing that I'm talking about my exes life buuuut it has been a good outlet for me and as I've said, I have therapy soon so yall won't have to put up with it so much then haha. But yeah this site is like a lifesaver almost and everyone has been so genuine and lovely. I appreciate it so fucking much. My sister and I used to fight so much in the past but we are so close now which is awesome. I truly am lucky to have my family and the support I have

#ask #simkinthefool

[emybain]

hi!

ive noticed my follower count go up quite a bit recently and idk why but I feel the need to introduce myself! (idk if ive ever done one of these,,,here goes)

-im em! that's not my real name, but its what I like to go by on here:) I like my real name, but its just a little weird sharing it on the internet (although you do see it whenever I decide to post a dumb tiktok)

-youre welcome to call me whatever you like though (besides my name!) 

-im 18 and still crying like a baby over it

-she/her

-pretty sure im bi but ive never had a true crush on a girl so we’re just gonna wait and see

-im pretty busy with school and extracurriculars but I somehow find a way to be a dumbass in front of strangers

-im in band and ive played the flute since I was 11. its something I care about a lot and I spend a lot of time with a metal tube to my face:)

-I started this blog back in November 2018 with the sole purpose of having an outlet to post fanfic for the renegades fandom because it was so small at the time and only a few people had written fics. I never expected to get more than 10 notes on my first post and to be included in such an amazing fandom but here we are

-im super awkward but I try to act cool (failing miserably) on the internet

-uhhh I like blue

-my inbox and dms are ALWAYS open no matter what. I love getting messages, being able to talk to others in the fandom, and getting fic requests. you can literally come talk to me about anything and ill listen

-I want to make a profession out of writing! ive known this since I was in 6th grade and ive been writing stories and ideas since. if anyone ever wants me to write something other than fics I would be ELATED to. my current wip is killing me and I need inspiration

-im thinking about starting a book themed blog/personal lifestyle type blog on Instagram so if youd like to see my sorry excuse for a living being on more than one platform, please let me know

-I have no idea where im going to college yet (find out from all the places I applied to this month!!! including dream school!!) but as of now im planning on majoring in English and maybe a history related field and possibly minoring in music

-im a born and raised southerner in the us. yall. aint, uhhh buccees and Whataburger. 

-im currently thinking about how dumb this is and how I just want to go write a fic because no one cares

-I apologize in advance for all my stupid spamming and random posts. I hate me too and dont understand it either. 

-im here for a good time not a long time baby!!!

-if you find my tiktok its really weird and I like to think im funny

-I like learning tiktok dances while we’re on the subject and enjoy dancing quite a bit. kinda regret quitting when I was younger:(

-spread kindness!!! I know so many who deal with mental health issues and other things, myself included. you never know whats going on it someone’s life, so make sure every interaction you have with another person leaves a positive impact. there have been dozens of times where I personally could've used some random acts of kindness. it doesn't take a lot to be nice to someone:)

-on a final note idk why anyone ever decided to follow me (maybe they accidentally hit the follow button and didn't realize,,,happens to me all the time) BUT I appreciate yall and all yalls support in my writing and shit-themed blog. Have a wonderful day and stay groovy

#personal #idk why i felt the need to do this #oh well #there she is

[saveyourblood]

Prodigy | Spencer Reid x Reader

Summary: “I find it amusing that we’re all pretending to be normal when we could be insanely interesting instead.” – Atlas.

The one where you're a prodigy, so is he, and he's the only person alive who makes you feel normal.

x

Notes: IT TOOK ME 20 MINUTES FIGURING OUT HOW TO UPLOAD THAT GIF YALL BETTER APPRECIATE IT I- This is actually an idea I originally had for a screenplay (kind of a modern ‘Doogie Howser’ gender-swap thing), but the more I thought about it, the more I realized how well it would work as a Spencer Reid x Reader fic. So, if you like it, PLEASE, let me know, because otherwise, I'll probably just scrap this entire thing lol. 

Word Count: 3.8k Warnings: none I can think of. 

Song: Birthday - Gia Margaret

You were out shopping with your friends, like most normal teenagers did on the weekend. You and Idol hit up a few clothing outlets, dragging Jax along.

“Can’t we go somewhere we all like?” Jax whined.

Idol’s arms were already covered with bags. You, on the other hand, had two with only a few items.

Idol turned to Jax, a blank look on her face. “You mean something you like?”

He shrugged, crossing his arms.

She sighed. “Look, we’ve been over this: the first half, I get to do all of the girly things with Y/N. Then, you get to do all the nerdy stuff with her.”

“You guys divvy up the time you spend with me?” you asked, laughing to yourself.

“We have to!” Idol defended.

“You’re so busy with work, we go weeks without hanging out as a team,” Jax agreed. “Hanging out with Idol all the time is boring.”

Idol punched him in the arm.

“I’m sorry, guys, but believe me, I feel the same way,” you said. “Everything’s just been… crazy. Someone just quit, and we’ve been busier than usual. I’m lucky I got these two days in a row off.”

“Speaking of which…” Idol said, linking her arm with yours. “We need to find you a dress for homecoming.”

Jax groaned.

“How about I work on finding a date first,” you chuckled.

“No, no dates! We’re going as a group,” Idol scolded.

You were about to make a witty remark when someone called out.

“Help! We need help!” A frantic woman shouted.

You dropped your bags and started running.

Eventually, you found a bunch of people standing around in a circle. Some had their phones out, others looked around, like Superman would appear out of thin air. You were no Superman, but in some ways, to some people, you were a hero.

You made your way through the crowd, unafraid to shove people aside. Some people made noises or remarks, but mostly, they let you move past. Breathless, you mangled your way to the center of attention.

“Please, please,” a woman sobbed on a man’s chest. He was completely unconscious, laying flat on the food court floor.

“Everyone, back up!” you instructed. “Someone get an AED!”

You knelt beside the man, pressing two fingers to his neck. While you felt for a pulse, you also monitored his chest for breathing. Then, you looked up to his wife. “Please, ma’am, give me some space. I need to start compressions.”

Someone who looked like a family member pulled her aside. Using one hand to stabilize the other, you began pressing two inches deep in the center of his chest. Your movements were fast, and the power behind them came from your entire upper body.

“Who are you?” The wife asked between cries.

“Damn AED is taking too long,” you muttered under your breath.

You stood back, raising a fist about a foot above the man’s chest. Then, in a swift motion, you brought your fist downwards, striking him in the lower third of his sternum.

With a gasp and a cough, the man jolted back into consciousness like he was startled during a deep sleep. “What happened? Where am I?”

You laughed with glee. “You’re in the Pallor Heights Mall; your heart stopped. Clearly, it’s working now.”

A frightened employee stumbled through the crowd, clutching the AED like it was a lifeline.

“We don’t need that anymore,” you said casually. “But, if you could call an ambulance, that’d be great.”

“Who the hell is this girl?” someone in the back of the crowd said.

“She’s our best friend,” Idol said proudly, “the teenage MD.”

≻───── ⋆✩⋆ ─────≺

    “I want an ECG, CBC, and an angiogram done yesterday,” you said as the patient was rolled into the ER. “His heart needs to be monitored at all times.”

“Y/N, what do you think you’re doing?” the head of ER, Dr. Cabello, asked.

“Hubert Riaz, 52-year-old male with no previous known heart conditions collapsed at the mall,” you explained.

Cabello pulled you aside. “And you were at the mall because…”

“...because it’s my day off?” you finished. “Look, Cabello, I’d love to chat, but there are some tests I should be running.”

“Actually, you should be at the mall, or at home,” he corrected. “You know why?”

“Because it’s my day off,” you grumbled.

“Go home, Y/N, before you have to stay,” he instructed, before following the paramedics as they rolled Mr. Riaz away.

Before you could do anything, Mrs. Riaz pulled you into a hug. “Thank you, thank you, thank you,” she cried before going to join her husband.

“You’re welcome,” you replied, but she was already gone. That didn’t stop you from smiling.

You looked up to find a familiar face. “Dad!” you called out, jogging to catch up with him. “What are you doing in the ER?”

“What are you doing in the hospital?” He frowned, looking at a chart.

Eli Abner — the best Cardiac surgeon on the East Coast, maybe the entire country. He also happened to be your father. In a weird way, you balanced each other out: he was famous in the world of medicine, you were famous in every other world. People didn’t stop him on the street to ask him about his high school and college career. You couldn’t say the same.

“I asked you first,” you said.

“I was called down for a consult, 50-something male collapsed in the mall,” he recalled. “Your turn.”

You couldn’t fight the grin on your face. “Guess who revived him?”

He raised his eyebrows. “AED?”

“Precordial Thump,” you corrected.

His face morphed back into a frown; it was his default expression. “Percussion Pacing isn’t recommended for out-of-hospital use.”

“How about: ‘Good job, Y/N! You saved a life today, Y/N!’” you said.

As if on cue, Idol and Jax entered the ER.

“Dr. Abner!” Jax called with a smile. She was of course referring to your father — you couldn’t remember the last time someone at the hospital called you that.

“Hello, Jax,” he said, formal as always. “Idol. It’s good to see you both.”

“Sir, could you please tell your wonderful daughter that she’s not supposed to be here on her days off?” Idol asked.

“You shouldn’t be here,” Eli repeated. “Go, enjoy your time off.”

    A few hours later, and you were confident your two best friends wished they left you at the hospital.

Rather than going back to the mall, you opted to just go home. Apparently, Jax and Idol weren’t bored of you yet, so they followed you upstairs to your room. Unfortunately for them, you saw this as the perfect opportunity to rant.

“What the fuck is wrong with those two?!” you shouted, pacing across your bedroom. “It’s like they wanted me to go away.”

“They want you to have a life outside of your job,” Idol said. She was laying on your bed, propping up her head with one arm. “Is that really such a crime, Y/N?”

“It’s like they don’t want me to be a doctor,” you corrected. “Cabello couldn’t wait to just swoop in and get the poor guy away from me. Not to mention, he didn’t even call me ‘doctor’ — he said ‘Y/N’, like I’m his kid. Oh, and don’t even get me started on my father!”

“I won’t,” Jax said, playing with a model skull that sat on your desk.

“He didn’t say anything good about what I did. Nothing. Absolutely nothing. I saved a guy in a mall food court, and my he criticizes my method,” you continued, ignoring Jax’s remark. “God, what a dick! Both of them! Both of them are dicks.”

Idol sat up with a sigh. “You know what you have to do, right?”

“If you say ‘let it go’, I swear to god, I’ll kick you in the nuts.”

“You’re a doctor: you should know girls don’t have nuts. Oh, also: you’re a doctor!” She said. “And you’re 17. They feel threatened, Y/N. That’s why they don’t give you any credit! They’re amazing doctors, but they’ll never be amazing teen doctors. Not like you could be.”

“Alright, genius,” you said. “What do I do?”

“For being a prodigy, you can be really dumb sometimes,” Idol groaned. “You be amazing.”

“Wow, thanks for that, Idol,” you said sarcastically. “Thanks for enlightening me. I feel so much better.”

“You didn’t let me finish, bitch,” she said, standing up. “You have to be amazing, and you can’t be afraid to talk about it.”

“You want me to brag about my accomplishments?”

“You’re a good doctor, right?” She asked.

You nodded. “I like to think so, yeah.”

“Then make them know you know,” Idol said. “They only push you over because you let them. Don’t.”

You leaned over to look at Jax. “Do you know what the hell she’s talking about?”

“Treat others how you’d like to be treated,” he summarized. “When Cabello and your dad are being dicks, be dicks back.”

“Good advice. Thanks, Jax.”

“Wow, if only I had thought of that!” Idol said sarcastically before flopping into your bed in exasperation.

≻───── ⋆✩⋆ ─────≺

    You flipped through a few records in your favorite Vinyl shop, The Rusty Spoon. They sold new and secondhand records, all of which you loved dearly. You mostly bought new ones, as your favorite artists were more modern, but you liked to look through and occasionally purchase the classics. You had yet to buy a damaged record, as the store provided a turntable at the register to try any second hand vinyls.

As you thumbed through the discounted albums, you found a cover that was an elegant shade of red. The top corners had intricate golden designs. A thin line of the same color stretched the width of the cover. You pulled it up from the rack to get a good look. An oil painting of a familiar face decorated the front. In a fine, cursive font read ‘The Best of Beethoven’. After a moment of consideration, you tucked it into the crook of your arm, which already held 3 records.

“You listen to Beethoven?” A gentle, curious voice asked from beside you.

You looked over quickly, not realizing someone was next to you. Your eyes trailed upwards to meet the gaze of a young man — he couldn’t be older than 25. His hair was straight and tucked behind his ears, which propped up the frames of his dark glasses. His jawline was square, and his body was scrawny. He had the strap of a bag across his chest, which was covered by a red sweater vest.

His eyes widened, and he took a step back, raising his hands. “I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you,” he stuttered out. “My name’s Spencer. I’m sorry.”

You chuckled softly at the idea that he could come off as threatening in any way. You also laughed because he looked cute when he was frazzled.

“It’s okay,” you promised, then offered him your hand. “I’m Y/N. It’s nice to meet you.”

He rubbed his hands on his pants nervously.

Without a second thought, you lowered your hand. “I get it — hands are kind of disgusting. It’s actually safer to kiss a stranger than shake their hand, ya know, considering the pathogens,” you said without thinking. You closed your eyes and laughed in embarrassment. “I can’t believe I actually said that.”

“That’s why I don’t shake hands, actually,” Spencer responded. “Most people don’t understand.”

“It’s a biology class you never forget,” you joked.

“Biology? You must be smart,” he remarked kindly. “What are you going to school for?”

“I want to be a doctor,” you replied after a moment. It wasn’t exactly a lie, but it wasn’t something you wanted to keep talking about, either. Once people learned you were a child prodigy, it was like they forgot how to speak. “What about you? Are you still going to school?”

“I have a doctorate in Mathematics,” he replied.

You raised your eyebrows. “Wow. You don’t look old enough to have a doctorate.”

“I was in an advanced program,” Spencer responded.

You knew a thing or two about that.

His eyes drifted to the albums in the crook of your arm. “You listen to Beethoven?” He repeated.

You chuckled, somewhat nervously. “Is that so unbelievable?”

“No! No, I uh, I think it’s great,” Spencer assured, rubbing the back of his neck. “He’s a fantastic composer, one of history’s finest.”

You nodded. “I’m sure Für Elise will be on here, but I’ve heard good things about Symphony No. 9.”

Spencer smiled, revealing a set of straight, white teeth. Somehow, they made him look even more charming. “It ends with the chorus to Friedrich Schiller’s ‘An Die Freude’ poem.”

While having a photographic memory made you remember far more than the average person, sometimes, it felt like all the information in your head — useful and not — got muddled together. When it came to passive facts, it sometimes took you a moment to recall. But, when you did, your eyes lit up and you smiled uncontrollably.

“Ode to Joy!” you exclaimed in realization. “Wow, that’s so cool.”

Your phone vibrated in your pocket. You fished it out, glancing at the notification. You got a text from your father, reading ‘When will you be home?’.

“I’m sorry, am I keeping you from something?” Spencer asked genuinely.

You put your phone back in your pocket and smiled. “There’s a coffee shop down the street. Can I buy you a drink?”

Spencer smiled.

    Sitting in a coffee shop, laughing with a man you barely knew, sipping a latte that was impossible to make yourself… it was the closest you ever felt to being normal.

The two of you talked about everything and nothing. You asked Spencer if he lived in town, he said he was in New York on work. He asked if you had a job, you said you worked at a hospital in the city. He assumed you were an ER technician or a CNA, you didn’t deny. You knew you should feel guilty for lying to the poor guy, but in the grand scheme of the conversation, it didn’t seem to matter. You were able to talk to him freely and easily, and it wasn’t just about your degree or how you completed high school in the span of 2 months.

By the time you looked down at your watch, you realized hours had passed. A waitress had kindly swapped the two of you out for plain, black coffee, and she regularly made her rounds to refill your mugs.

“It’s already 3 o’clock,” you said in shock, looking at your watch. “I promised my friends I would meet them for dinner.”

“I should get going too,” Spencer agreed, somewhat sadly. “Work never does itself.”

You threw down a twenty dollar bill, knowing it was enough to cover the bill plus a tip. Still, Spencer reached for his wallet.

“You said you live in DC, right Spencer?” You asked.

He nodded.

“You’ll pay next time, then,” you said with a smile.

You weren’t sure what made you feel so bold all of a sudden, but clearly, it was working. Spencer grinned and looked down before nodding.

≻───── ⋆✩⋆ ─────≺

    “Where were you?” Your father asked the moment you got through the door.

You slung your backpack onto the couch. He didn’t even bother to look up from his laptop as he spoke to you.

“I was out,” you replied simply. “Idol, Jax and I ate dinner together.”

“You said you’d be back from shopping at 3,” he retorted. He wore his glasses on the tip of his nose as he observed the screen sitting in his lap. Your father was by no means an ugly man, but the manner made him appear older.

You shrugged. “Plans change. Public transportation is unreliable on a good day.”

Your dad finally looked up for the first time in the conversation. He observed the gift bag in your hand. “What’s that?”

“A little something from Jax and Idol,” you replied. “They saw it and thought of me.”

“That’s nice of them,” he said before getting back to his work.

“Yeah,” you mumbled, “really nice.”

“What’s that, dear?” Your father asked as you walked up the stairs.

“I said I’ll be in my room if you need me!” you lied.

Of course it was nice to get a gift from your best friends. However, it was even nicer to get one from your sole parent. Hell, you’d even accept some acknowledgment.

All you wanted on your 18th birthday was to be seen, and your dad couldn’t even seem to do that.

Once you closed the door to your bedroom, the tears began to flow. In anger, you picked up the ‘anatomically correct’ gummy bear figurine you got last year on your birthday. The clear case was obviously that of a gummy bear, but on the inside was a skeleton and colored organs. It was equally creepy as it was cute. You loved it.

But, in a moment of rage, you picked it up and threw it on the floor. The case popped open and the pieces split apart. The skeleton dismembered, the organs shifted from their place to the floor. You joined them there, curling up into a ball as you sobbed quietly.

You’d put the pieces back tomorrow. You’d do the same with yourself.

≻───── ⋆✩⋆ ─────≺

    “Pediatrics wants you back on their floor,” Cabello remarked.

The two of you stood at the front desk, reviewing a few charts. Hospital staff, paramedics, and strangers swirled around you — there was never a dull moment at Carabine Memorial’s ER.

“Everyone wants me,” you said back, flipping to the next page.

Cabello was silent for a moment, which wasn’t his normal behavior. He always seemed to have a reply or a retort of some kind. You smirked in success. Maybe your friends’ advice could get you somewhere.

“Your Senior Resident thinks you haven’t picked a specialty yet,” Cabello continued.

“I’ve been in the Emergency Department for 2 years,” you replied, closing your binder and handing it off to a nurse. You finally looked at your superior. “I don’t want to be a surgeon, I want nothing to do with palliative care or cardio, and pediatrics isn’t my strong suit. The ER makes sense for me: it’s fast, reliant on instincts, and I get to see a little bit of everything.”

“But is Emergency work what you want to do, Y/N?” Cabello asked, leaning against the counter.

“Is it what you want me to do?” You asked, raising your eyebrows. “Or are you trying to get rid of me, Jason?”

He moved back in shock. “It’s Dr. Cabello,” he corrected calmly.

You took a step forward. “It’s Dr. Abner.”

Very rarely, you were grateful for a swarm of people to come through the ambulance bay doors. In that moment, however, you were. And apparently, the universe picked up on that, because it wasn’t just paramedics that stormed in — several police officers came in with them.

“Where is the department manager?” One officer called.

Cabello approached, and you followed suit.

“I’m Dr. Cabello, the Director of the Emergency Department,” Cabello declared. “What do you need, officer?”

“We believe this boy — Joshua Parker — is the second victim of a serial offender,” the officer described in a low voice. “I can discuss details later, in private, but for now, I need you to know the basics.”

“Which are?”

He glanced around briefly, before staring at you.

“She can be here,” Cabello said, surprising both you and the officer. “Aside from me, Dr. Abner will be Joshua’s primary physician as long as he’s in this department.”

You couldn’t tell if he was trying to punish you or not. Regardless, you didn’t object.

“Joshua shows signs of serious trauma and PTSD,” the officer explained. “The only way we got him into the ambulance was by sedating him. Once he wakes up, odds are, he’ll become violent again. You should prepare your staff.”

Cabello nodded, before turning to you. “Go, make yourself useful,” he instructed, “but only use whoever you have to. Don’t smother the poor boy with unnecessary nurses or aids.”

You nodded once. “Yes, sir.”

    The police officer was absolutely correct: once Joshua woke up, it was almost impossible to do any work on him. He wouldn’t stop screaming, especially the words ‘let me out’, and whenever someone tried to touch him, he began to thrash around. Once another resident and a nurse managed to hold his arm down for an IV, he began biting at them. It was equally heartbreaking and scary.

After consulting with your senior Resident, you decided the only way to get any work done on Joshua was to sedate him for a second time. While it wasn’t necessarily good for him, neither was the violent behavior he exhibited when conscious. Sedation seemed like the lesser of two evils.

When Josh was unconscious, you and Cabello managed to work efficiently. You meticulously pulled at splinters buried in his skin, while Cabello dealt with several puncture wounds all over his body. Where his skin wasn’t red and blotchy, it appeared to be a faint purple color. The whites of his eyes had gone yellow and the muscles in his legs and arms were atrophied.

“Someone put this boy through hell,” you muttered, shaking your head.

Cabello snapped off his gloves, throwing them in the trashcan by the door. “I’m not assigning you any more patients this shift,” he said. “Joshua is your top priority.”

“Understood.”

Cabello nodded, then stepped out.

   Joshua was asleep for at least 3 hours after his second round of medication. You spent most of that time in his room, researching ways to help him once he woke up. Eventually, Cabello came in with a distraught couple, and without saying anything, you knew they were his parents. You decided to give them some space.

“A few agents from the FBI are here,” Cabello said as the two of you walked to the front desk. “They want to talk about Joshua’s condition.”

“I can handle it,” you assured.

“They’re just down the hall. You three can talk in the conference room.”

You stuck your hands in the pockets of your scrub top, walking down the hall with a sigh. Compared to the rest of the department, it was calm; hardly anyone brushed by you, and the steady buzz of noise turned into a faint chatter the farther you walked.

When you finally looked up, you stopped dead in your tracks.

The hair, the sweater vest, the glasses… you’d recognize him anywhere. When Spencer met your gaze, it was clear he remembered you too.

In that moment, you really wished he hadn’t.

≻───── ⋆✩⋆ ─────≺

    Notes: Like what you read? Let me know! Feedback seriously keeps me inspired to write <3

Want to be tagged in future parts? Shoot me an ask!

#criminal minds #spencer reid #spencer reid x reader #criminal minds reader insert #spencer x reader #spencer reid/reader #spencer/reader #criminalminds #criminal minds x reader #prodigy #part 1 #i live for spencer in glasses #just sayin

[afoolforatook]

Hey, I'm really sorry to read about your loss and I hope you're doing ok. I haven't lost a loved one that wasn't a pet before so I don't have any good words or advice. But I just wanted to say I love your writing and your dialogue for fg, and knowing it comes from somewhere special for you makes it even sweeter to read, like it's so soft and personal it's incredible you write it to share with us. So thank you, and I hope you have a good day!

Oh man. Thanks for that hon.

I always feel like there are a bunch of people out there who want to say something to someone they know who’s dealing with grief but they don’t know how or what to say so they don’t.

And on the one hand I got so done with hearing the phrase “sorry for your loss” about three days in to this nightmare. But on the other hand we as a society are completely unprepared to talk about grief openly, and sometimes there’s just nothing else you know to say and that’s fine. Hell im trying to base my career on the topic and just this morning I heard from a friend from highschool that they recently lost someone and I said it then. Honestly I think it’s more a problem when it’s the only thing people say.

Cause I’ve ranted before about how I hate that phrase. But when it’s like this? When there’s actually some kind words to back it up, to show you it’s more than someone just repeating the standard saying to placate your too big emotions that they know how or don’t want to deal with?

It’s very heartwarming.

I know this isn’t really replying exactly to this, but it’s kinda my little soapbox.

Try not to worry about saying exactly the right thing, or advice or whatever when you want to reach out to someone but don’t really understand their grief. Maybe it’s different for others but for me, I will never be anything but touched when someone talks to me or messages me like this. Because one of the biggest things with grief is how isolating it becomes. People don’t understand. It makes them uncomfortable. They don’t know the right things to do or say so they avoid doing or saying anything at all. Or worst, they ignore it. They freeze whenever the persons name is said, or cut them out of old stories.

No one knows how to talk about grief. So, when they eventually experience it themselves, as we all will unfortunately, they have no frame of reference, no outlet, nothing to show them that hey, you’re not broken for not grieving the way the world expects you to.

It’s why I talk about my experience so openly. Why I force myself to put as little of a filter on things as I can (also it just feels better to allow yourself to just be ANGRY or whatever you’re feeling and not apologize for it). And it’s still hard sometimes, especially in creative settings (oh boy critique day during finals earlier this month when I got up and pitched my memoir about how my life fell apart when my girlfriend died?? That was an awkward few minutes).

But not because it’s hard to talk about or because I’m scared of my feelings. But because I’m scared of how people will react. I’m scared of being a downer, of people pitying me, of treating me different, of thinking that because my problems are so obviously tragic and big that means they can’t talk to me about their own issues that they think are lesser than mine.

And I think it’s especially important right now, because we, as a species, are experiencing some major collective trauma, and will have an enormous, complicated, long grieving process that for many of us will be a part of the rest of our lives, whether in the context of lost loved ones or any of the countless other types of loss and grief that can result from this. We’re going to need to be there for each other, and allow ourselves to feel and process and discuss our trauma.

Annnnnnd that was all way more of a rant than you asked for but it’s all to say, thank you. It truly means so much.

In other news HEY! You, my friend, better be expecting some big excited comments/replies when my brain starts working again because you have been absolutely killing it with this kiss series and I am LOVING IT.

Also a note: you know what just /gets/ me? When people say ‘thank you for writing/sharing this’

LIKE YALL

ARE SO SOFT AND GOOD AND KIND AND IM NOW OBLIGATED NO HONORED TO BE YOUR ETERNAL CHEERLEADER IT IS FINAL NO TAKE BACKS

#personal #my person #drbtinglecannon #i sure do like soapbox rants when i miss my meds huh? #who are we kidding #i always like over the top soapbox rants #its how my brain works

[shytiff]

July 2021

1 - the toners i bought from sociolla arrived yay. loll i got into portal’s hall of fame somehow. usual day at magang. slowww progress of that sympo 1 ppt hhh. went back home and its raininggg yall. this week my hygiene habits and isya prayer was screwed. i cant bring myself to DOOOO things. i basically only get stuff done outside.

2 - started 2nd ppt (i know!!! super slow aaaaa). bought dough lab OG cookies and cookie monster since it was discounted at grab’s PI outlet. bought matcha mcflurry w juan when going back to AR. ate roti canai, the whole mcflurry, and tried the cookies. the sugar, bruh. all this time, im not lacking energy. im lacking sugar lol. watched two set and played marapets lol

3 - binged twoset violin. cant bring myself to do ppt. Finally managed at night.

4 - dayslept. Not sleepy but cant bring myself to do anything. Supernova technical meeting at 1 pm and some gmeet with iship wa group and suddenly its maghrib,,, did like 2 slides of ppt

5 - went to post office to get str and arrived 8 sharp. No one was there. Anjeng. They said wait until 9. went to tax office. Closed. Off to rscm. Ugh the traffic!? Surprise of kiara "internship" that on the very same day was cancelled

6 - its a struggle to reach rscm ugh. tried to go through sudirman but the toll exit was closed. so we went through tebet. gajah 2 was also sealed. while waiting for juan i bought snacks in indomaret. lol, got no cash. liqo with kak kartika and fell asleep halfway through lol,,,

7 - this time we’re going through kemayoran lmao and exited the toll at rawamangun. bought saladstop caesar salad just bcss they have this collapsible bowl bundling, together 140k (after added grab promo) lool. 

8 - today i didnot went to gastro since its off day due to a gastro staff getting covid. went to RSF for operan with dr dedes. took pictures with dr vera and we made heart using hand lmaooooo my koas soul felt scared doing that. tried the sushi mom bought at lotte mart. she also bought milk buns and it was good! like a marriage between bread and mochi. my stomach felt super bloated to a point where it hurts so i ate paldo wet ramyeon except i put too much water and the seasoning was diluted. 

9 - im supposed to do ppt but i cant bring myself to do it. i lazed in my bed literally all day. bingeing two set. reading webtoon. playing marapets. felt like utter shit. thought that id start my day after maghrib but nah. ended up sleeping

10 - still feel like shit and cant bring myself to start my day. And didnt do anything lmaoo

11 - cant bring myself to start my day~ ended up starting work like after maghrib. Its more difficult with things where u actually have to think bcs u need a certain headspace. Got sbux matcha and that shit rly helps me feel "normal".

12 - intern as usual. The 4 ppts are "finished" and i contacted the prof after mustering some strength. Zoom call with prof to check on the ppt. Bought a delicious es jeruk somewhere along the way to AR. Talked to mom abt picking wahana. The list was finally out and it was jakarta fair. Ara called, her grandpa passed away and shes afraid to go back and potentially harming her familys health. Showered but slept right after without doing anything meaningful 😔

13 - today is the 2nd "special batch" of internship idi. Followed along the war as a practice time. Theres a lot of vacant spots. And that scared us wanting to go national lol. I hope everything will be fine. Another zoom call with Prof, ughh theres so much to reviseeeeeee and i havent made any word material

14 - its only nessa and me today at dept. Picked rs krakatau medika together w nessa. Clara told me abt how her mother is sometimes toxic. Cant rly focus on work today bcs of internship stuff. Had headache ec lack of sleep that lasted from 2-6 pm. Immediately slept like a log after isya

15 - turns out nessa also want to pick rskm loll that makes 7 ui peeps in rskm. Did some good progress by alienating myself in Prof's cubicle. Moral message: whatever time you think youd make the ppt, it will be more. Bought martabak tipker orins yum. Its like lekker on steroids. I still prefer martabak pizza more.

16 - did 1 word for the ppt. Bought jco donuts w nessa bcs my mouth was lonely. Sent 1 completed topic to Prof and pamit.

17 - cant bring myself to do anything~ felt like shit~ played marapets and watched tiktok and youtube

18 - pembekalan iship today

19 - more pembekalan iship. Medical checkup today at labkesda. Met nessa mendel adita regen clara agung. Ate kfc together at nessas place. Went to dinkes jakbar for sppd. No ppt progress aaaaaa

20 - packed my stuff. Originally planned ti leave at 2 pm but theres a lot of uncertainty so i decided to leave tomorrow. The real certainty came at like 9 pm.

21 - off to cilegon 05:30 ish. Filled the gas. Arrived 07:15. Moved my stuff. Went to pkm with mom et al and ness mendel. Swab. Back to palm wates. I felt sad when mom had to leave. She must be tired, but she keeps supporting me with everything that she has. I know its always been like that but sometimes distance makes you see things (?) maybe its bcs im outside ar right now. Bought food. Printed stuff at a place 600m away. Did ppt work accompanied by mocca goodday (that i just knew was good lmao)

22 - zoom orientation today. Still managed to laze out and not do my work -___- tri was out so i was alone. Ate gold chick for brunch. That stuff is oil mixed with food. Finally did some work. The night orientation with dr Selfie was pretty shocking, but it was rly informative and i think she did it out of love.

23 - puskes 1st day. Orientation and turns iut we headed straight to poli lol. Had my very first poli umum with the kind dr arief. My first patient had bee sting :) the second was breast lump :) its rly a slap in my face to go study. Stayed in nessa's for a bit to do some work, except i felt rly tired and gave up at like 4 pm. Bought kebab around the corner (15k). Unremarkable. Kanayam for dinner, w some for breakfast 2mrw

24 - slept early so i woke up early. Tri also. We did some working at like 3 am til subuh. Poli was not too crowded since it was saturday. Helped mendel irrigate his ear in the puskes ER. Waited out the 2 pm standby. We ended up driving to merak except for esa lol. Bought kanayam again lol. Ended up sleeping early again

25 - nasi uduk 88 for breakfast. Some ppt work. my family came bringing motor hehe. Moved to mess. Met dr Ine. Learned how to use washing maching. More ppt work. Bought nasgor just in front of the mess

26 - vaccine post today. Zoom with IDI cilegon. Nessa cooked macaroni and meat. Talked a bit and then suddenly its half past 10. No significant ppt progress today. Im rly sorry Prof 😭😭😭

27 - MTBS poli today. Bu ningrum gave me cimol and jantung pisang and sayur and salad buah hehee. Some orientation. Did the last ppt for Prof. Can finally rest (??) nah the words still not finished. Overall mood today: ☺️

28 - poli usila today in bp with mendel. Injected mendel with his 3rd sinovac. Went to dinkes for SPPD.

29 - vaksin with mendel. lots of patients. porridge for bfast. talked about love life lmaoo. tried sate bebek h. syafei. quite good but sate klathak still holds the first place in my heart. finished the 3rd word doc and sent it. just as i was about to sleep, i saw the notif of jk going live. hes basically dancing around in his pjs at 1 am lmaoo <3

30 - paldo jajangmen for bfast. BP. shoot a video for e-promkesline. soto for lunch. bought kopi soe goela merah and croffle. the croffle was not as hard and crunchy and thick as social affair’s. the choco-nut topping was so so. the coffee was bitter like tuku, but not as smooth and creamy (?), not too acidic. did ppt of ecmocard data an hour before the zoom sesh.

31 - vaccine with dr anggi. went back early. bought some stuff in indomaret. lunch was abon, rice and leftover veggies. finished the last word manuscript for Prof along with kopi soe and sent it. vcalled w mom. had simba pillow mixed with sport muesli for dinner. 

[askguyslikeus]

oh shit yall send lots of questions hoo nelly answering almost all of them under the cut ,,, im gunan try and answer more technical ones first then fun ones and ones about the mod later so u dont gotta scroll all the way to the bottom for the good deets

Hi! I'm still kinda new to the blog and I was wondering what are the 'do and do-not' kind question I should do? Because im sure theres always that one ask thats just Innapropiated, like that one of Michael 'taking advantage og high Jeremy' that was just not cool.  i got this ask a lot so ill be clear with yall. im just not a big angst fan? so sending michael asks about his anxiety nonstop and about how he had a panic attack in the bathroom over and over again wasnt that fun. usually if it pertains the musical though you should be find sending an ask about it? but sometimes i get asks that are like “jeremy ur nothing and how does it feel knowing u fucked everything up” like homie how i think its feels? how u think hes gunna react to that? i made this blog to negate a lot of negativity in my own life so i can promise u im going to be answering asks mostly positive always forever. that being said tho i sometimes get asks pertaining to a few things that ive dealt with in the past and these topics make me very very uncomfortable. dont send asks about these topics please. this is the no no list

-self harm, cancer, suicide, rape, parent death, car accidents, sudden death.

What was your inspiration for this blog? hoo boy well,,, ultimately i thought of them rooming together and got emotional and made a huge list of headcanons and was like ,,, why not run an askblog for a bit ill just abandon it after three asks lets have some fun. but somehow im still here and i got sucked in by the complexity of michael and jeremy. i know that sounds kinda silly but just, as someone who is dealing with a lot of similar things, like dependency issues and abandonment issues and depression and anxiety, having these fun functioning character to explore was such a gift for me. i believe honestly thats why im still here and doing this. being able to try and portray a healthy relationship and a healthy way of coping and growing has helped me a lot this past month and given me an outlet i didnt have before. TBH THO the main reason i made this blog if imma be real with u guys id because i didnt like the treatment of a lot of these issues in the fandom. it made me very upset to see depression used as an plot device and michaels dependency issues treated as romantic so i wanted to make a blog that had little to no angst. ANYWAYS somehow im still here ,,, gvrkjvrnkjfd sorry i rambled

honestly I just wanna say first that I love his blog and your art and you're so cool and kind!! a question would be (I'm not sure if you've answered this before or not) but is there like an on going story here, or is it mostly just answering questions with the characters set in this universe? (if that makes sense I'm sorry!) thank you, you're super awesome! ❤️  djrnjg first off thank u so much aaaa,, ive kind of answered this before but its ok its been a while since then! but um i do kinda have a story but how howdy i sure am dragging my feet. the story isn a hUGE OVERARCHING EPIC OF WOE AND THIS PERSON IS UPSET AND THIS PERSON IS MAD AT THIS PERSON its just michael and jeremy getting together. i have a plan and ive talked to a few people on how i want it to happen but ive gained like ,,,, 6,000 followers since then and im kinda nervous BUT ILL DO MY BEST but also please understand that i do this for fun for myself and if i dont get to it im so so so sorry woops

i know this has been said before but i'm really really happy w how you're handling so many aspects of their characters. i.e. michael being trans, michael and jeremy's anxiety, michael's dependency issues, and other stuff i'm too tired to think of. you made the characters have even more depth than they did in the play and i'm rly grateful for the way you're dealing w my favorite boys. (also your richjake is suuuper adorable) ahhhhhh thank u so much? i talked a bit about this on my main but im really glad people are happy with my decision on this blog because im suPER SUPER NERvous anytime i post an ask dealing with these things. (ask hachi or nate i always message them like freaking out and send them my scripts and asks and wait for them to tell me its ok before i post it omg) also like i talked about before i love,,, having these fun stoner gamer boys to explore these issues with. im honestly shocked by how many people also deal with dependency issues because when i first listened to the musical i was so overwhlemed by the song michael int he bathroom because i had never heard someone basically write “dependency issue: the song” and it felt so so so good to realize i wasnt alone in this pit of despair i fall into so easily aha. but im!! glad everyone is ok with this wild ride im on right now (also thank u so much i struggle writing rich and jake but i get so emotional cause they would TOTES call each other babe)

how come you just use sketch form for most of your drawing (sketches and uses sketch for the final result)? im ,,, not really sure what this is asking but i thnk its along the lines of why do i only sketch my answers?? and i do that because dude do u see how often i post and how lONG some of them are. i made this blog for fun and i love doing comics but i hate lineart and coloring and if i tried to churn out finished pics for every post id defs have given up a few asks in,, shrugs

I want to say I love your little comics they're so funny! How long does it take you to make a comic? Are any of them based on your experiences? Ok have a nice day!  thank you! i love my little comics too! it usually takes me anywhere from an hour to five hours if im dragging my ass or talking on discord while im drawing. it can be kinda exhausting but since i took my break ive also been like, starting long comics one day and finishing them another day which, before i would do it all in one sitting then post it hahha. AS FOR EXPERIENCE the first half of the lifeguard comic was based on real life! we were stuck stoned up there for like an hour or two? but we didnt have anyone to help us but we got down eventually!! the wendys comic is also something i did because man!! i need to compliment food workers if they do a good job!! ummmmm just like jenna i also have a friend that said HAHA BYE and moved to cali and she is also lIVING IT UP and doing really well for herself and shes very independent and shes very inspiring to me! hmm i think thats it besides i used to have movie nights with my dad all the time too except we would watch my fave animated movies and sometimes lord of the rings cause my dad loved that

What kinds of things can we NOT ask ? What kinds of things do you WANT us to ask ? i covered the what not to ask in the first question so!!! um if my askbox is open and u want to respond to previous asks ive answered for the boys that would be so so so rad. sometimes im done with a certain ask and i have nothing to add but sometimes ive got more to say but am looking for an opportunity! that being said it made me really happy that i got a lot of asks about pj? shes not going to the main focus of any more asks but!!! i was nervous to introduce her and im glad u guys like her shes fun to write. but overall just general asks i can make a big ol fun story out of so!! dont worry too much about what to ask, if its something ud ask a real person and not like “lol what if ur dad died” ur gunna be fine probably

Hi! Not a question but your blog is so sweet and refreshing! I actually really appreciate that you refuse angst, that stuff tends to rub me the wrong way in fandoms... Keep taking good care of these boys ! gggg thank u!!! it means a lot to me that a lot of people are backing me up on this! i mean if u are an angst fan there are a lot of askblogs that explore that!! so its not in short supply bmc askblog fandoms got something for everyone

Which drawing program do you use?? i use paint tool sai and my tablet is a cintiq !!

this isn't really related to the faq but that bakunawa boy reference was great I LOVE THAT FIC MAN!!! the line was originally a little diff in that ask but i changed it cause ,,,, i could,,,,

an art style question. how do you keep the design of characters consistent from frame to frame? my characters they look a lil different every time I draw em (or a lot different) and it tends to disrupt the flow of my comics/animations ohh boy hoo wee props for doing animations im too scared to give that a whirl but!! it helps that i draw all the panels for an ask on one canvas! so if my next panel is going to be the same character in the same spot just in a diff pose i keep the lower layer on just at low opacity so i can use it as a ref! that helps me a lot!

Sorry if I'm nosy or rude, but are you reflecting Micheal Anxiety, Panic attacks and depence? iii think this is asking if i reflect my own issues onto them boys? and if so then yes i do. i dont place any of my own personality or anything on the boys but i do use them as a way to help me learn how to cope with my own shit and i try to deal with their issues in the healthiest way possible while also keeping in mind they are flawed individuals aaa

what are your pronouns??? and maybe your main blog??  im a cis girl so she/her is good! and my main is squigglegigs! also that being said IF YOU SEE THE USERNAME SQUIGGLEGIGS ANYWHERE JUST?? ASSUME ITS ME?? i have a twitter and an instagram and my tumblr account 

((Hello mod will Michael and Jeremy eventually someday get together. I love them.)) if all goes according to plan yes! if i get overwhelmed and stop having fun on this blog then no! sorry thems the breaks but! i do want them to get together so HOPEFULLY

going off on that confrience on pornogrefy for birds, Im geussing jeremy has played Hatoful Boyfriend. am I wrong? well it wasnt intended as that ref and i dont know anything about hatoful boyfriend but i can see jerm finding it and playing it so, sure homie! the pornography for birds thing is a my brother my brother and me reference! i love that show and them boys so give it a scope!

I'm crying bcuz Michael said he's in love with Jeremy and it's beautiful yeah that boy is DEEP IN love with his bro bro

Any advice for running an ask blog?? (Ps i love this blog keep it up) personally whats worked for me so far is doing just sketches for art. honestly ive been able to work so much more and post so much more often while also trying to work on my expressions and poses! also taking my own experiences and shaping them to fit the characters has been SO MUCH FUN. th most important thing tho is,,, dont overwork urself dude. if ur having a fun time it shows. if ur just forcing urself to churn out material and its not fun? like shit we doing this for free dont push urself? idk idk overall being looser with my art and writing the dialogue before hand has been the most helpful for me for this askblog! ive run a bunch before including @ask-maz and ive run that sporadically for ,, three or four years? its so funny cause u can see my art style juMP AROUND SO MUCH but i love that blog and i only update it like every other month or so but?? i still like doing it and no on likes those posts but it makes me smile so ANYWAYS

~ok from here on its mostly just me replying to nice messages or people asking me personal questions that dont pertain to askguyslikeus so!!~

I just wanted to say I really really love your blog and just your art in general!! Keep up the good work and hope you're having fun! thank u!!! i am having fun and im glad u enjoy it!!

What other musicals do you like? :0  i really like heathers A LOT. i also like doctor horrible i know thats not technically a musical but i just relistened to it and im emotional. i like dear evan hansen but it makes me really sad so i can only take it in moderation! ummm rent? chicago?? music man? now im just naming musicals i was in rip. being in a musical fandom is a new thing to me? i was really into heathers last year but didnt really interract with the fandom at SO THIS IS SUPER NEW?? ive never been into a musical as much as im into bmc and heathers tho

tell us a little bit about urself!! u seem v cool i am squigs or fork!! im 24 and work fulltime as a barista at starbucks! i get high on the beach with my friend gwen a lot and drink wayy to many slushies, my tv shows are brooklyn nine nine and bobs burgers right now! i table at conventions sometimes and sell my art as merch and whatnot and i cosplay as a hobby as well. im pretty boring but i draw a lot and always carry my big sketchbook with me and im pretty sure its given me back issues BUT OH WELL HAHA also i am very not cool THE TRUTH COMES OUT

Who do you most relate to from bmc and why? like ,,, a mix of michael and christine with a sprinkle of jeremy i guess ahaha i relate to michaels dependency issues and overarching positive attitude and love of music, i relate to christines bright disposition and the need to not stick to one set thing? like she loves theater cause she can be sO MANY PEOPLE and like same homie thats why i cosplay. and jeremys need to be likes while also ability to put himself out there is very relatable. i also identify strongly with his dad issues idk idk whats good

Also -- just thank you for how you handled all the panic attack and anxiety attack asks. I used to deal with anxiety attacks multiple times a day and it just was really nice that it was positive and not them having one. Thank you, sincerely. ahhhhhh ur so welcome i,,, have anxiety and it sucks and i deal with panic attacks like everyday at work so i dont really wanna come home and draw someone having one i guess? im glad its helping other people too tho!

Dude- I love your art? Actually so much? It's... I love it. The whole sketch-ish way your art style is, and the way you color, and the expressions! I'm so glad I found your work - you've given me so much inspiration. Keep doin what you're doin and I hope you have a good day! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH ANytime any one compliments my expressions i die cause i legit made this blog to help with that as well ,,, like dam

im lvoe ur art style b o i :0 !!!!!!

Mod, I love you so much I love you you have my soul and my love and my eternal gratitude thank you and I love you (This is the guy who was excited about PJ on your ig live stream a while ago and I love you) !!!!!!!!! im so happy u like my content omg and that u like pj im so glad!! shes a good bean

I just wanna say... I'm crying over that post about Michael and his anxiety? cuz I know how it can feel that you're only your flaws and weaknesses, but Michael just tells that to screw off in the most wonderful way and I'm?? thank you so much for that post, I bookmarked it for future times when I can't look past my depression... honestly, that post made my day (along with every other post on this blog), thank you for being such a lovely part of this fandom ,,,, im,,,, im scared of a lot of this fandom tbh but if i can be something good that come out of it and my love of these boys and desire to show them functioning together in a healthy way can help other people its so much more than i ever thought id ever be able to do. i am blown away everyday by the support ive been given on this blog and i might be crying right now because i never thought id be able to touch other people like this and i just. im really glad yall are here with me for all this.

(To the mod: You are a beautiful person that I highly respect. I love this blog and what you set out to do. thanks for giving something that makes me smile and gives me something to look forward to everyday, keep up the good work! ❤ ) hey im still crying from the previous ask aaaaa im honestly so emotional

what are ur true feelings for wendy's??? i fucking love wendys man thats some top tier fast food right there

what fast food restaurant do you think has the best nuggets WENDYS HANDS DOWN

do you have a favorite movie? paranorman makes me very nostalgic and ive seen it like eighty times and used to watch it with my dad a lot and i love it

I would just like you to know that your Wendy's comic prompted me to pull the same thing with a bakery in the town I'm visiting and the baker got so excited and happy, so thank you for making that comic because I made that woman's day. GOOD GOOD GOOD GOOD GOOD I LOVE WHEN PEOPLE COMPLIMENT ME WHEN IM WORKING DUDE LIKE IM SO GLAD IT MADE U DO THIS!!! IM SMILING REALLY BIG!!

chocolate milk or strawberry milk? or plain? woops i hate milk im so sorry

do u love michael mell with all of ur heart, mod?  i really truly do man what a fucking good ass character

hi squigs i love you! i love your content too and i hope u have a good day pal :>  WHAT A SWEET BEAN!!! THANK YOU?? OMG

I'm just saying that recent ask you did with Michael really hit me hard because I really related to it and I started crying because it made me realize that I've been pining my self worth on everything my anxiety causes and I'm so much more than that. Thank you, so much for that I really needed it because I'm in a really bad place right now. <3 -for the mod i legit cry everytime i get asks or dms like this cause once again the idea that im helping other people is so ovwehelming i love you??? i let myself just be”depressed” for ahwile and by that i mean i just,, let my sadness consume me and i was scared of getting better cause the sadness was all i knew for so long and just. its so easy to think u are ur illness but you are so much more. soooo much more man.

I relate A Lot to Michael so the way you portray him in the blog is really good, and I think it's really awesome you refuse to like?? do terrible stuff and answer bad questions just bc people wanna see that. You run this blog really well 👌  AHHHH THis is the biggest compliment thank u so much ,,, i get real anxious bout this blog soemtiems but then yall send me sweet things like this and its worth it man

Hey mod, just know you're a really cool person. Thanks for running this blog in the first place. Keep doing the great work.  thank you!!!! for ur support!!!! 

not really a question!! i just wanted to say your posts on this blog always brighten my day and you're really an incredible artist and person, keep rockin on my dude!! *clutching my heart* the fuck this is so sweet

1 .I just wanted to say your blog is really awesome! It's very lovely. I also like how you made michael trans and like handled it? (just with how all the characters treat him and stuff its v nice). Your art is super duper! Thanks for running this awesome blog! 2. Hey! This isn't a question but I wanted to say that I appreciate michael being trans!! As a trans boy it's just rly awesome to see something like that casually thrown into an ask blog without making it a huge weird deal :D immm,,, i kinda really love the idea of michael being trans cause a lot of my trans male friends are actually pretty confident in their skin and michael is a very confident character? and u rarely see that with trans representation and its so refreshing to see it portrayed well. im trying to do that here but again if! i do anything wrong let me know!

how did you first get into art? (also i really love your blog, it's amazing!) ive been drawing as long as i remember! ive got mad adhd and wasnt diagnosed until late in ym life so i would just draw nonstop in my classes ahaha i used to read the sunday comics a lot and they really inspired me to try and make comics of my own too!! (and omg thank u) 

someone also asked me if i went to church or was religious but tumblr ate the ask but i used to go to church a lot as a kid but im currently not religious at all aaa

ok holy shit that was a lot but thanks again to everyone i legit cry a lot about how supportive u all are thank u so much aaaa

#modpost #holy fuck that was so much

[boqvistsbabe]

storytime (kind of) mother frickers

so i like this guy. this guy that is literally my best guy friend and i have known him for three years, almost four. and like every single other guy i have liked i knew around the time when i met them that i was probably gonna like them at some point. so yeah whatever i liked them now i don’t. i didn’t like anyone for the longest time and then randomly i like started feeling like i like this guy (my friend) lets call him uh Adam (tbh that is just about as far from his name as you could get lol) and like this hit me out of nowhere. because like basically when we met we friend-zoned each other without having to do so, which makes no sense whatsoever but who cares. and like this whole idea of this started last school year when his cousin randomly walked into the classroom i was staying in after school to work on memorization for some things and it was near Valentine’s Day and he was like anyone wanna be my cousin’s gf and me, knowing that this is Adam’s cousin said no why and he explained why basically and then that was the start of him calling me literally every single time he saw me Adam’s gf. I denied every single time and this went on for the rest of the year. and like one time on the after school bus Adam’s cousin got on before him and sat down and when Adam walked on to the bus his cousin said that his gf was on the bus and he (and i know that he actually did this bc i looked up right at this getting ready to turn around and yell at his cousin) Adam looked right at me and his cousin said “he even looked dead at you” and then the rest of the busride was his cousin trying to get us together by asking me question (like “do you like guys that can sing” “well duh” “do you like guys with abs” “well duh”) and then he started singin “I Wanna Dance With Somebody for no reason and I finshed the song for him and he said “see look you can sing too you guys would be great together” (and that opens another can of worms that is not in this story) and i said but i really can’t and he was like but you realy can. and during all of this Adam said nothing to either of us. and around a few weeks after that i started liking somebody so i was still like whatever and nothing more happened last year basically. and like then this year came along and i didnt like that other guy anymore and like was really focused on like my friends and shit like that. like then two of his other friends (that im kinda friends with but not really) started like suggesting people that they could set me up with for hoco (the two friends and i have the same bio class together and we sat near each other at the time) and i would decline every single guy and then they said Adam’s name and I was like no we’re friends (because at the time i still didn’t like him) and then the boys proceeded to say stuff like “you do like him” “look you’re blushing” things like that (something they do not realize was that when i get angry or frustrated or whatever i tend to turn red or at least pink) and then one of them threw a ship name for us out there and then it was a thing and like then he proceeded (when i did not answer them anymore) to sit in the empty chair next to me and go “aw please don’t be mad at me I don’t want you mad at me” (i wasn’t that mad and we were all having fun and he was joking) and i proceeded to ignore him and he got closer and said the same thing (also if this had happened about one and a halfish years ago i wouldve been freaking out because i used to like him, a lot) and i said i wasn’t mad and we were fine. until he (when we were going around the room and grading other people’s papers) when i came back to my seat and said something about my paper he was like “oh that’s your paper” and i said “yeah it literally has my name on it” he walks over takes my paper and writes something on it and ten gives me my paper back and he wrote Adam and I’s ship name in marker on my paper. at least i didn’t have to turn that in or i mightve killed him. and so like whatever didn’t like him still just confused on why everybody (including some of my other really close friends) think we should get together. and then like i feel like it was a slow realization of how amazing he is (bc like lemme be honest here he is really sweet and funny and like everything that the others weren’t which sounds cliche but like ugh i just cannot describe how much i wanted the other guys i have liked to be like him)  and like i told two of my other best friends and they think he is nice. and like lately him and i are around each other more and stuff and we talk even more than before and mess with each other and stuff. and then one of my other friends randomly asks me before she leaves the lunchroom if i like him and i say no bc like this is all weird for me and shit and she says okay and walks away even with me asking her why she asked and her not telling me. and then i get my other friend to ask her through text and she wont answer. and the other day he took my hair tie thingy (idk what it is called) one of these: 

after i was messing with it and said that i wasn’t going to get it back. then wears it the rest of the day and cool im not freaking out internally at all. and there is no way people wont connect that it is mine bc it is just one of the clear ones and my hair is blueish at the ends so it died the hair tie thingy and im the only one with that color hair. and then we go on a five day break from school and i find out from my friend why my other friend asked that. and she asked because SHE THOUGHT WE WERE DATING! i obviously am so fine with that even though we aren’t. but i was like why did she think that and my friend was like bc y’all are always together and stuff. and then we get to today and so i find out that he lost the other one and then he took the one i had today (which i am fine with this i have multiple and he asked to make sure it was okay and i said it was he then asked like two more times just to make sure) and then i took his pencil and since i wouldn’t give it back he took my hoodie and put the hood on his head on wore it like that until i gave him his pencil back. and then like there is this thing he can do which is popping the joints closer to the end of your finger and i can’t do that but he did it to my fingers the other day (and as i am typing this i realize how weird it sounds) and now it has become our thing kind of. and like i love it. bc it involves him wrapping his hand around mine. so yeah love it. and then i proceed to mess with him for the rest of the hour. and yeah. and then when i get to lunch later i see him with his friends and like i can see the hair tie thing on his wrist and it brings me so much joy idk why but it does. and then i was talking to my friend and was like idk why people think we are dating and she said that it is because we basically are just not officially. and then i was like what hold the phone and back it up. and like she went over that again and said that quite a few people have thought we were dating in the past and had asked her if Adam and I were dating and she had said no obviously and i was like how do i not know this. and she said bc i never told you and then t=she proceeded to tell me how her herself has shipped him and I for quite a while but did it on the DL and now her and my friend that asked if i liked him are shipping us on the DL and my friend that asked is gonna ask him if he likes me bc he doesnt know how close we are and will be more likely to tell her than me or my other friend. and like i know he is gonna say know and like i want him to say that he does. but like he wont. and even if he does there are some problems like i can’t date yet which like has never been a problem till now, even when i had my 6th grade “boyfriend” my mom didn’t know and i didn’t care bc i was fine with a relationship on the DL with him but Adam is someone i want a real relationship with you know. like i don’t want it hidden. and i want ground rules obviously and my friend said that i could just do what she did and just talk to her mom about it and present the situation very adult like and stuff like she did. which like i can and my mom knows him so it might work. but then there is the fact that he doesn’t like me so it doesn’t matter but like there are signs that point towards him actually liking me but im not that stupid. he has so many female friends that are cooler and prettier and smarter and so just more better than me so like why would he like me. idk what to do. this is like really crazy for me rn and i dont wanna lose my friend so yay.

that was really boring sorry but i needed an outlet and idk what to do but if yall have any advice please tell me

[bolbianddolanhouse]

BNHA self insert AU

Nani the heck is this? Read here!

Chapter 11: Secret Gardens Grow Forbidden Fruits

Its Monday and news of the practice test victory spread around to the few that didn’t tune in. I woke up still not at my best condition, Mimi and Jin were just as bad. I drove us to school but our bodies weren’t letting us walk properly, lucky for us, Diya put us in the school golf cart to take us to class from the parking lot. Since I have to go back and forth campus in my school day, I got a wheelchair to propel myself via Muffin 2.0.

-Homeroom before Weaponry-

“Ok class, we are going over heavy weapons today so fully suit up!” Diya announced as he panned to us “except for our trio here, you three still have to observe so you don’t have excuses when you do get better and have to do it.”

“Yes sir!” we said in unison. 

“This sucks ass! I really wanted to get hands on right away with the heavy stuff!” huffed Mimi.

“Me too! Didn’t think I’d be this fucked up after that exam!” groaned Jin as he wobbled to the back of the golf cart.

“I got the most damage, I can’t even feed myself!” I said as I sat in the wheelchair “Last night Glasses had to spoon feed me dinner and carried me around like a fucking child!”

Before Mimi and Jin could say anything, our classmate Yuka spoke up “Are you telling me that boy isn’t your new boyfriend? Girly, a boy wouldn’t just carry you around or feed you because you’re hurt, he’s in love with you!”

“Naw! he’s just being nice!” I retort “He’s been like that since my first day in that class. It’s not love, it’s just kindness!”

“Oh yea? what makes you think its JUST that?” sassed Yuka.

“Well, since living together, he hasn’t made any moves on me that have romantic notions. I gave him the opportunity to kiss me and he got close and backed out. I just think he’s gay or questioning and is confiding in me to keep his secret.” I say as we made our way to the gym.

“Hmmm that does add up, maybe you’re right” Yuka said pondering.

Weapons class was a disaster zone with a lot of injuries and sprained shoulders. The 3 of us were sort glad we didn’t get hands on right away. Class ends a bit early because of the amount of injuries, that gave me time to navigate myself to the hero wing in the wheelchair and Muffin 2.0. I was making my way down and I see some 1-B students walking toward me, I think dang I’m that early!

“Oh hello Palma-san!” said Kendo “how are you?”

“Hi! I’ve seen better days” I said rubbing my knees “I took a serious beating and my knees are giving out but I should be ready to train again later this week.”

“That’s a relief to hear! Oh, have you met my classmate here?” she said motioning to Monoma.

“I saw him at the welcome party but I don’t think I got the pleasure to meet you!”

“Humph! Well if you must know! I am Neito Monoma, we have the same copy quirk.” he said very dramatically.

“Very nice to meet you! Copy you say? how long can you sustain your copies? Can you do doubles? Do you have mastery in any?” I said intrigued by our common factor.

“Um well I sustain them for 5 minutes at a time and I didn’t really think about those other things you said.”

“Oh....then what are you training to be?”

“Well a Hero of course!”

“Doesn’t seem like you are if you don’t have mastery or can double wield.”

“THATS WHAT I’VE BEEN TELLING HIM!” exclaimed Kendo “He thinks he can make it into the A class by just degrading everyone and working out the minimum.”

“No! thats not how it works dude” I said giving Monoma a hard look “I can help train you the way I self-taught myself to hold my copies for hours at a time and how to double wield once I recover. If you really want to make it with the big boys, you gotta put on your big boy pants and make the effort.”

“I wear my pants just fine, agent!” he scoffed “but I accept this training session.”

“Great! I’m so proud of you Neito!” Kendo said excitedly “maybe you’d be able to finally be on par with me!”

“You’re embarrassing me in front of her!” said Monoma blushing at his expose of weakness. 

“Cool! I’ll be letting you know when I get back on my feet so we can get started!” I said as I scooted away “Bye bye now!”

“She’s so sweet!” said Kendo turning into their classroom “can’t believe you let your guard down like that around her.”

“Well, she was in a wheelchair! what could she do?!” he said walking to his seat “she’s also easy on the eyes so training with her would be a treat for me.”

*cut to the Hero class, before I arrive*

“I’m a bit worried about Palma-san” said Tokoyami “she was groaning trying to get ready for school and was the last one to leave the dorms.”

“I saw her get loaded on the back of the school golf cart along with her friends this morning” said Todoroki “but maybe she’s being carried here by somebody.”

“Maybe All Might?!” perked up Midoriya.

“NO YOU STUPID DEKU!” Bakugo yelled at Midoriya “she hates All Might, thats the last person she’d want to help her.”

“Maybe I should go and see if she needs assistance” said Iida standing up “she wouldn’t want to miss today’s lesson.”

As he made his way to the door, I arrive and Muffin 2.0 slid the door open.

“Hi everyone! please excuse my robot and wheels, I can’t walk very far without falling but I should be fine by Wednesday.” I said as positive as possible.

“Oh no! that won’t do! Here let me” Iida said picking me up from the wheelchair and walking me to my desk “allow me to write today’s notes so you can rest your hands too.”

“Tenya I’m not a child! I can do this on my own” I said flushed because I don’t like being carried “besides, Muffin 2.0 is programed to take notes for me and other assisted commands.”

Class starts and we go over new laws and how they’re affecting us. Class ended right on time and as I’m waiting for everyone to leave so I can wobble over to my wheelchair, Iida walks up to me.

“Please Ita, let me carry and accompany you.”

“You can accompany me but don’t carry me, I don’t like it.”

“Why not?”

“Because, I feel the breeze on my bottom and I’m pretty sure everyone got a peek at my panties and my big butt.”

Iida blushed hard realizing that I felt uncomfortable “I’m sorry! I didn’t know you’d-”

“It’s alright, I know you mean well” I said trying to comfort him “I’ll be good by Wednesday and I can start training again.”

Fast forward to Wednesday, in Recovery Girl’s office with Midnight.

“Ok Miss Palma, you can start training again. Just make sure you don’t over exert yourself.”

“Thank you Recovery Girl!”

“How did her other analysis go?” asked Midnight.

“As for her other health analysis, asthma stayed the same, cholesterol is normal, blood work is normal, stress is a factor we need to work on and same for mental health. Mindful practices are good for stress and body, please seek help when you’re in your homesick phases for a healthy outlet other than crying.”

“I know” I said softly “often I find myself in those phases when I’m alone or late night so it’s a bit hard to reach out to somebody to talk to. But I do want to cope and control my stress better.”

“We can arrange something then, if you can’t reach a peer, you can always reach me.” said Midnight putting their hand on my back.

It’s after school and I walk to the dorms, just to sort through my thoughts and when was the last time I cried. Nothing really eventful was happening when I got to my dorm so I just shut myself in for the evening to do homework. Some of the boys were scheming,

“Guys I can’t take this anymore!” said Mineta flailing his arms “aren’t you a little curious to see what is in Palma-san’s room?!”

“Just leave her be!” said Sero “what do you want see so badly that’s in her room?”

“Her secrets! All the things she’s hiding from us!” Mineta said standing on the couch “think about it! Every time she does anything, its a secret she’s been hiding from us. She has a bigger room than us and I bet she has kept all her secrets in her closet.”

“Do you know what” said Aoyama as he sat up from the floor “I’ve noticed that too! Plus she hardly makes any noise when she is in her room that it’s a bit suspicious.”

“Wait! remember when she said she has a car?” said Kirishima suddenly realizing something “she mentioned that Iida kept that secret along with other secrets, that means that Iida knows her whole secret facade.”

The boys get wide eyed and run to Iida’s room and knock on his door.

“Yes? is there something wrong?”

“We need to talk Iida-kun” said Mineta.

“About?”

“You keeping Palma-san’s secrets” said Kirishima getting in his face.

“Yes she has confided in me to keep her secrets, what of it?” 

“We need answers! What and why does she hide so many things?” confronted Aoyama “and why doesn’t she trust us?”

“Look not even I know if I have the full truth, all I know is that she’s been through a lot since landing in Japan.”

“A likely story from someone that knows all her secrets” said Mineta slyly “are these secrets the reasons why you won’t confess to her?”

“Get out of my room!”

They boys get kicked out of Iida’s room but they’re persistent to know what’s the deal with her. Fast forward to Saturday, day of some quirk training with some 1-B students.

“Ok I’m off yall! Be back by sunset!” I said as I teleport off.

Little to everyone’s knowledge, Mineta sneaks into her room.

“I have ventured into the forbidden garden” he said taking a deep sniff of the fragrant air “what secrets hide in her desk?”

He shuffles through all the stationary on the desk and sees some framed pictures of her family back home on the desk. He picks them up to take a closer look and sees a picture of her with a boy, holding hands and the boy kissing her on the forehead.

“A secret boyfriend?! No way!” he said realizing that there’s no other explanation on who this boy is. He puts the framed picture back and looks through the drawers, nothing that stands out other than everything is separated by color and there’s a lot of black clothes in the mix. He looks through the vanity and sees of professional grade make up.

“Why does she have all this? She has naturally clear skin and does eye makeup at most.” He put all the makeup back and goes to the closet. He sees the mini tv and console were moved to reveal all her coats, dresses, uniforms and swim suits. At the top there was labeled boxes that said things like Drag, Sewing, Cultural things but a box that caught his eye was one labeled ‘???’. Curious, he took the box down and opened it to find random items like beads, shells, a lighter and dried flowers. He puts it back and sees that she has both skirts and pant uniforms.

“Why does she have both?” he said as his gaze was turned to a garment bag with her name and 2 numbers on a white card in the clear pocket of the bag. “What in the world is this?” He unzipped it to find a red uniform with metal buttons, an embroidered K on the breast, the word Knights on the upper arms and black suspender pants. 

“She was training to be a knight?” he said as he zipped it back up and looked at the bottom of the closet and saw all her shoes, nothing unusual there. Some exercise equipment in a wicker basket that ranged from boxing gloves, brass knuckles and jump rope sparked some questions. Behind that was a red and white plastic box, upon opening it was a back military type hat with a metal sliver star crest on the front. On the inside of the lid it said in her handwriting, “NEVER FORGET YOUR DREAMS AND HOW HAPPY THEY MADE YOU”

“What the? How does she have all these things?” he questioned he put the hat back in the box. He moves on the night stand near the bed, there were some strange items like small canisters and ointment tubes that were in Spanish. Along with those items were pain medications, vitamins and cold medicine, nothing strange for that drawer. In the bigger bottom drawer, there were cables and chargers for different devices along with some of those said devices. As he was searching through the drawer, Kaminari notices that the door is open and Mineta was inside.

“DUDE YOU’RE ACTUALLY GOING THROUGH HER STUFF?!”

“AHH DON’T SCARE ME LIKE THAT!”

This yelling caught the attention of the other boys and came rushing in.

“What are you doing?! This is so wrong” said Sato.

“Guys lets get out before Iida-kun or Palma-san come back!” said Midoriya in fear.

“But guys I found a lot of things she’s been keeping from us!” Mineta said pointing at the framed pictures on the desk “she has a secret boyfriend!” then he pointed to the closet “and she has both the boys and girls uniform PLUS an official military uniform, hat and everything!”

The boys started to murmur to each other about these new found evidence. Mineta starts to look under her pillows to find any thing strange and found a rosary.

“Look! she has one of those Jesus necklace thingys!” he said as he held it up for everyone to see. The boys murmur even more and Mineta notices black feathers between the nightstand and the bed on the floor and how oddly similar they look like Tokoyami’s. He bend over to pick one up and sees that there was a whole bunch of flat storage containers under the bed.

“LOOK! she has more stuff under the bed!” he said as he lifted the comforter sheet that was draped just enough to hide the containers “not only that but I found some of Tokoyami-san’s feathers here on the floor.”

Everyone turned to Tokoyami and he started to sweat “Oh that’s strange hehehe what does she need with those?”

“Tokoyami-kun.... did you and Palma-senpai...” started Todoroki and Tokoyami was sweating harder “get into copy training too?”

He exhaled in relief “yes we did, I just she wanted to see if she can copy my mutation and she can.” The boys didn’t think anything else of it and peered at what Mineta was taking out. They see her weapons used for field work, live and rubber ammo, Short staffs that look custom made and arm wraps.

“I understand the weapons and ammo” started Bakugo “but the staffs and arm wraps? I’ve never seen her train or use them when we train! So why the hell does she have them!?”

Mineta puts them back and takes out a shoe box that looks like it held her pink running shoes. Upon opening, they see that it has a cards, letters and notes all filed neatly. They skim through and find some recent ones from her passing the exam and 2 confession notes.

“Oh these are all the notes and cards she’s ever received from people, how sentimental and sweet Palma-san really is!” fawned Kota.

“Some of these are from America! Look at the dates on those ones” said Kirishima pointing at a few cards and heart shaped letters “those ones date a year back!”

Mineta puts them back and pulls out a large container and inside was her feminine hygiene products and a wand massager but to the boys, they had no clue what they were. “What are these wrapped things? Gauze or something?”

“Look theres chocolates in there too! and one of those fancy back massagers!” said Sato “and... what is that? extra toothpaste?” It wasn’t toothpaste, it was body safe lube but they didn’t pay attention to it and moved on to the next container. They opened a slightly heavier one and it was filled with American, Mexican and Japanese snacks and sweets. The boys gasped at the sight of such a stash!

“Look at all these snacks! Hot Cheetos? chamoy? Skittles? JOLLY RANCHERS?! I HAVEN’T EVEN HEARD OF SOME OF THESE?!” exclaimed Mineta “how is she getting her hands on all these? She doesn’t go grocery shopping or gets packages sent here!”

“Palma-san has strange taste in snacks, most of these are spicy and salty, even the things labeled as candy!” observed Shoji as he picked up a sandia con chile lollipop.

Iida hears all the squabbling from his room and walks out to see where it’s coming from and sees that Palma’s room is wide open and peers in to his horror. “WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?!” he yelled as the boys are opening another box “I didn’t think you would try it! I’m so disappointed in you all!”

“It was Mineta!” said everyone as they pointed to him “we came in later!”

“IIDA-KUN! She’s hiding so many things that don’t make sense!” said Mineta defensively “Like who’s that kissing her in that picture! and the non-school uniform in her closet!”

“And the short staffs under her bed! And her stash of snacks! And these gauze packs! And-”

“ENOUGH! Get out of her room! It’s near sunset and she’ll be here any moment now!” 

The boys look out the window to see the sun reaching the horizon and Palma teleporting to the front of the dorms with a box. They all panicked to put everything back and fixed her bed. They all scrambled to get out of her room and Mineta and Sero were still in the room when they heard her walking toward her room and unlocked her door. Mineta hid in the closet and Sero under the bed. They see her walk in as she took off her shoes and put the box on the floor. She did a stress groan so loud it startled them, then she took off her jacket and shirt to reveal her scratches from her training session.

“oof, better put some ointment after my shower....where did I put my towel?” I said as I reached for my towel that wasn’t on it’s usual spot on the hamper. “Odd, could’ve sworn I put my towel on the hamper-” I stopped and saw that my drawers weren’t closed all the way “fuckin Mina better have washed whatever she put back this time!” I said as I closed the drawers and opened the top one to find some clean underwear and socks “wonder if I’m gonna get some comforting today~” I say giggling not knowing that the boys are watching and hearing me. I choose my black set of underwear with thigh highs and pair them with a non-suspecting pj pants and t-shirt “there! just so he has something to pull to reveal~” I say as I turn to get my bath caddy to wash up. I drop one of my body scrubs and it rolled into my closet “I don’t remember having opened that side of my closet? Or did I?”. Mineta knew it was game over when I said that, I opened my closet and see him shaking. I close the closet door and yell “ok, you have to the count of 5 to come out before I rip you a new functioning butthole” as I flipped open my switch blade.

“1.....2....5!” and I see Mineta and Sero dash out of their hiding spots “You pieces of shit WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY ROOM!?”

“WE CAN EXPLAIN! WE-”

“SHUT UP! GET OUT!” I yelled waving my switch blade.

They leave and I shut my door in anger. 

I showered and dressed, feeling a bit fucked up over everything and checked if anything was taken, nothing is missing so I opened my box and took out my fresh supply of feminine hygiene and to my horror, Midnight added a box of condoms with a note that said ‘nothing against the rules for having some stress-relieving fun, be safe!’. I think oh damn really? but then I look at all my options and think nah, these boys ain’t worth my virginity even if I’m getting casual with Tokoyami. I put them away and have my down time, I don’t want to face anybody because of this whole mess. I wait for everyone to go into their rooms so I can eat in peace, as I’m chopping my cucumber, Tokoyami walks in.

“Hey Ita~”

“Oh jeez you scared me!”

“Sorry! It’s just that I heard what happened”

“oh.... yea” I said stressed as I ate some cucumber.

“Are you ok?”

“Yea but I don’t know why my room?” I said grabbing a disposable bowl from the cabinet to put my fruit in “I thought you guys trusted me enough not to seek for truths.”

“I do! But I’m going to fill you in on what they saw.” He then tells me everything and I get mortified.

“You saw my under the bed storage too!” I said as I got red and hid my face “how embarrassing!”

“I mean it didn’t look like much but like, why do you have so much gauze and a fancy back massager? Thats what I want to know.”

“Oh um thats not gauze or a back massager... It’s....” I said as I leaned in to whisper what they actually are.

“Oh?....Ohhhhh!...” he said getting flustered “I mean if it’s stimulation you want, I can be of service” as put his hand on my butt.

“That’s very erm- generous of you but I’m not ready to have those strong feelings” I said as I caressed his face “I’m scared that I’m going to get hurt or get used if I let myself be exposed like that, I’m still too young to have a sexual partner and so are you.”

He muzzled up to me “Sorry I pushed myself like that Ita, I understand now”

I held him closer “I’m glad that you’re considerate of my feelings, but that doesn’t mean what we’ve been doing is out of the question~” I said as I traced his beak with my knuckle. We spent the night together in soft and playful caressing and kissing in my room with the usual teleporting him to his room in the morning, pretending nothing happened the night before. I go in the bathroom to do my thing and the song to bop to was Neon Trees- Everybody Talks and I proceed to shave my peach fuzz.

“I love this song but what in the actual fuck are you doing Palma-san?” questioned Kaminari

“I’m shaving my face, duh”

“Girls do that too?!” exclaimed Mineta.

“Yea thats how girls manage to have smooth skin on their faces” I said as I move on to my upper lip.

“Wow thats so cool Palma-san!” Midoriya said with admiration “I wish I had enough facial hair to shave.”

I prepare the Texas Smash of roasts for this broccoli on this day “Well maybe if you spent less time watching Blues Clues, puberty would probably hit you finally.”

The bathroom explodes with that roast of the decade! I get high fives and chest bumps from the Baku-squad and Midoriya never really recovered from that roast.

“Oh my gosh Palma-san, you’re a riot to be around!” said Kirishima wiping the tears from laughing too hard away “a true honorary bro!”

I finish up my routine and left the bathroom shortly after then the boys started talking.

“What a gal! Iida when are you gonna make a move?” said Tokoyami “better say it soon or I’m swooping in.”

“I’m not worried about it” said Iida confidently “she’s not going to get wandering eyes or lips. Her number one thing is her training and studies.”

Tokoyami, fully remembering the last few nights they’ve spent groping and kissing, gives a face of doubt “Erm if you say so Iida-kun, she can’t be tamed so easily...she has provoking thoughts and feelings about intimacy.”

Everyone shuts off the water and looks at Tokoyami, “Excuse me but how do you know about her feelings and intimacy?” asked Aoyama.

Tokoyami realized he fucked up started to panic a bit “well... uh you know we’ve been spending a lot of time together in the evenings just talking about stuff...”

“Are you saying that you’ve been in her room with her...after lights out?! just talking?” Mineta said putting 2 and 2 together “it kinda looks like you’ve been sneaking through the secret garden at midnight, tasting forbidden fruits!”

Meanwhile I get my ass in the kitchen for my coffee and I hear the gasp of boys from the kitchen and wonder if everything was alright. But I didn’t really care because I had to head out for some weapons review with my squad for out quiz on Tuesday. What happened after I left is that the boys found out partly of Tokoyami’s and mine nightly talks. The boys wait for me to come back to confront me about it.

“Oh hello fellas! whats poppin?”

“Oh you know, just chilling, talking about stuff” said Mineta stressing on the last part.

“Cool, any y’all wanna-”

“WE KNOW ABOUT YOUR QUALITY TIME WITH TOKOYAMI!” blurted out Midoriya.

Play it cool, maybe he didn’t tell them everything “you mean the talks we have about life questions and feelings? What about them?”

“It is true that there’s kissing and groping involved?” asked Iida like he was upset with me.

“Yea, once by accident. It was just an quick peck on my bottom lip, I didn’t kiss back or have done anything that could’ve been lewd or intimate with him.”

“But it was still a kiss that he took while you were alone!” said Iida with aggressive chops.

“IF YOU HAVE SUCH A PROBLEM WITH ME ABOUT IT, WHY DON’T YOU JUST KISS ME!”

Everyone gasped and I recollected myself to stand by my feelings, theres no way I’d let them cuck me! Then Kaminari comes up to me and holds me close and went in for the kiss then chickened out and just gave a peck on the cheek.

“You fucking pussy ass bitch, cheek pecks are for grandmas that bake you cookies!” I said wiping my cheek “I have so much liberty to do much more explicit things but honestly, none of you have shown me the type of intimacy I want. So if we’re all done here, I’m hungry and I want some fast food, I was gonna ask who wants to come with me but it seems like yall too busy fighting over shit that doesn’t matter so I guess I’m ridin’ solo on this one.” 

I stomped to my room to get my keys and wallet and teleported out with my room locked. While I took my solo ride to McDonalds to buy $15 worth of food, Iida went to Aizawa sensei to tell him about my shenanigans.

“Kid, why are you so concerned about her?”

“Because she’s endangering herself with these promiscuous actions!”

“She’s allowed to do all this and way more. Also she’s technically not my student to look after, not that she needs it”

“What do you mean?”

“There was a huge mix up with her file information and as of now, she’s going to her proper dorms beginning of 2nd year.”

“But what about-”

“Look, you wouldn’t say all this if you saw her standing in the program. She’s number 1 international student, number 3 in her class, number 5 in the district wide 1-A in her program and if she was in our program... a close 2nd.”

“I see.... but is what she’s doing really acceptable?”

“Yes, but also lets keep a close eye on her emotions, she has a doctor’s note that she has to practice mindfulness and lower her stress.”

They both hear me teleport back and run back to my room.

“I better go and-”

“It’s best if you don’t, let her seek you out at her own pace.”

Iida walks out to the commons room and sees everyone with concerned and worried faces.

“what did sensei say?” asked Todoroki.

“He said to leave her alone until she’s ready to talk about things” he said shifting his gaze to her room “she’s not doing anything wrong, we’re the ones in the wrong by intruding in her personal space.”

Everyone kind of lingers near her room to listen to what she’s doing, but all they hear is rustling of food wrappers and soft weeping with the lights off. Little to their knowledge, she saw something so heartbreaking on their social media that it broke her into seeking the numbing comfort of the flask in her vanity. Right under their noses, she had slipped into silent depression and the next few days were going to be painful to live through. Nobody really noticed but Mimi and Jin did and they tried their best to let themselves be available to be a non-problematic source of support. But the numbness held me back to really seek them out or Midnight. Putting on the mask of ‘everything is fine’ was getting hard to maintain and I’ve pushed away all of Iida’s and Tokoyami’s invitations for comfort or accompanying. I didn’t even have the energy to change out my wilting flowers or go buy fresh ones, I was losing myself and I was getting scared. One week has passed and I was completely shut in for the weekend, no extra training scheduled, homework done and no desire to leave my room.

“Hey Iida-kun, did you invite Palma-san to our water training today?” asked Kaminari “it’s a bit late and she isn’t up yet.”

“She doesn’t want to talk, no matter what I’ve been trying” said Iida as he walked down the stairs to meet up with the others “maybe she’ll come around this weekend.”

Everyone went to the pool to do training and I didn’t know when I woke up and didn’t see anybody. I took this as time to shape up a bit as my drinking was making me feel terrible and I needed to work on new techniques. I pack my training bag and headed to the padded room at school with Muffin 2.0. I do my thing and start to feel better as I’m getting a sweat going, then I hear splashing and hollering over my music. I levitate up to the window that faced the pool and saw everyone there, they didn’t invite me I thought and felt hurt all over again. I slowly floated down like a deflated balloon and curled up in a ball to cry.

“Itati, I sense your distress, do you want me to contact someone?”

“No don’t! I’m alright!”

“Now calling Midnight.....she didn’t answer the phone but I sent her a message with your location and state of distress.”

That made me feel worse and I just stayed in my ball form as I idly floated around and bounced off the walls, as I do when I’m upset. Midnight came running in 10 minutes later in the padded room and gasped at my state of being.

“Oh sweetie! What happened?!”

“I don’t want to talk about it!”

She wanted to talk me down from the ceiling and then heard the splashing and hollering from the pool. She then figured it out.

“Is it because they didn’t include you? You love swimming.”

I float down to her and I explain what I’ve gone through. She sat next to me and listened until I was done explaining.

“...so now I feel more hurt but I know it’s all my doing on this one. I don’t want to feel this way anymore.”

Midnight gave me a hug “You can’t catch a break huh? Lets get you back in the dorms and washed up so we can talk about some mindfulness.”

“Ok but umm” I said as I turned my head to the door “I don’t want to get seen by them, I don’t think I’ll be able to hold myself together if they see me.”

“I’ll shield you and shoo them away if they get too close, I promise they won’t bother you on our walk to the dorms.”

We start our walk with Muffin 2.0 carrying my things, we get close to the pool deck and I lower my head into the collar of my jacket to hide myself. Midnight’s shielding didn’t divert Iida’s sharp gaze from Palma’s pink tracksuit and her rhinestoned training bag. He ran out the gate and called out to her.

“Ita? Ita?! are you alright?”

“Tenya please, she doesn’t want to be seen by you right now.”

“But what happened? I-”

“It’s a lot to repeat right now, please give her space, she’s not in the best mental state right now to be bothered.”

Iida stands there as Midnight and Palma walk away with Muffin 2.0 following behind toward the dorms. Midnight helped by getting me back on my regime and scheduling out my week to include meditation and lessen my social media time. And I was slowly coming back to my usual self but I didn’t tell anybody what I did during that week. 

-Thursday, in Homeroom-

“Matsui, Oleshin, Palma....may I have a word with you three outside?” said Diya firmly with his arms crossed.

We got scared and our minds raced with possibilities of what we could be in trouble for. We get to the hallway where sensei was and we were sweating bullets.

“You aren’t in trouble, lets get that out of the way” he said and we instantly exhaled in relief “the school asked me to ask you three if you’d do something for culture week thats coming up. Their reasoning is that we’ve never had international students from Korea, Mexico nor Russia.”

“Oh I see!” I spoke up “they want us to get extra and educate on our home cultures.”

“This is my chance to wear my fur hats!” Mimi perked up “and not wear pants!”

“YOU’RE RIGHT! I can sport all traditional robes!” said Jin with sudden excitement.

“I’ll take that as a yes, it’s in 2 weeks and I’ll be giving you more info about it when they give me a full plan.”

I feel astronomically better but that homesickness is still there. We plan out our dress up outfits and what to talk about through out the week. I hid this from everyone outside the program as it was pleasant surprise and I wanted everyone to understand my roots better.   

-End Chapter 11-

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#bnha #mha #self insert au #Chapter 11 #not canon #will update regularly #ask me anything

[selfhateandselflove-blog]

spirituality is not a fad. but it is.

im so fucking over everything. the way people act. the way they pretend to be someone else. i want everyone to be happy. but not happy in the way defined by society. i want people to live. to be in every moment and emotion and feeling and watch every thought as it comes and goes. i want everyone to be able to just observe. i want everyone to be okay with feeling sad. and angry. and annoyed. but i want them to be able to look at that anger and sadness from another perspective. to evaluate why they’re actually feeling these ways. to realise that there is no point in identifying with their emotions. i still identify with my sadness. and i hate myself for it. it’s a really strong emotion to shake. it runs really deep sometimes. deep enough to be drinking straight, from a bottle, and vomiting in my parent’s kitchen sink because i had too much and tried to make myself happy with tortilla chips and salsa. nothing works. nothing is maing me happy. i can find happinness when it finds me. but it doesn’t work the other way around (i guess that’s a really solid lesson on how the moment works). i can only find sadness when i look for something real to feel. partly because of the state of the world. partly because of the relationships i have that i feel will never reach within and touch both of us. partly because i feel disconnected, but also stuck in connection. i feel like i’m in fucking limbo.

fuck all yall. and fuck me too. we’re all fucked. the world isn’t gonna change because we went vegan and started eating more vegetables. as long as money exists. as long as history and the past is a factor of existence... i don’t know if i can see the world becoming the place we all dream it to be. it’s a race between greed and gratitude, right and wrong, reality and “truth”. i’m losing hope fast. no one seems to get it. the bad guys win in real life because there are no rules and they don’t play by them.

and for the record... “spirituality” is a fad. your higher self doesn’t exist (i mean, it does but in a different way) because it’s all you, bb. you’re better off figuring out how you work and doing some serious self maintenance.

no one’s gonna read this. i’m a nobody. i’m ok with that. i’m probably really wrong about 100% of everything i just typed. but it feels right. it feels true right now. that feeling could change tomorrow morning.

if you read this... i’m really sorry about the negativity. i don’t have anyone to talk to about this and be taken seriously. people ftiler this kind of stuff through a religious/spiritual lens. i’m just feeling stuck in myself and need an outlet.

#spirituality #society #relationships #sadness #happiness #religion #yoga #meditation #epiphany #sexuality