#still on the “first human to know Tal” point like?? | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

starseneyes · 11 months

Text

Spock / Nurse Christine Chapel - Star Trek: Strange New Worlds S2 Eps 4 & 5

Folks, this is a wild time to be alive. Since we had bits and pieces leading up to 2x05, I'll touch on those first, and then we can get into the meet of a super uncomfortable, yet hilarious episode.

SPOILER ALERT: If you're looking for a friendly non-spoiler glimpse at this ep, please do not click through! I am a spoiler queen, and I go deep.

There's a tiny sliver of 4, so I included it in this recap, but it's primarily episode 5 in all its cringey, hilarious glory.

Everyone squared away and ready to play? Let's dive in!

"Among the Lotus Eaters" AKA "Who Am I, Again?"

"Hi, Spock. What's happening?"

He's the lieutenant currently in charge of the Enterprise, but she's totally conversational with him, here. She's got bigger things on her mind, which is why I think the formality escapes her.

Una Fumbles for Words

Spock looks to Christine to see if she's on the same page, but she's way ahead of him. I love these little wordless interactions of theirs. It shows that they're still them under these complicated emotions flowing between and through them.

"Charades" AKA "Hijinks Part Deux"

After watching the sneak peek, the promo, and reading the episode description, I came up with what I thought was going to happen:

Spock/Christine crash near beginning of episode

Spock loses his Vulcanness because some alien wants him and Christine to match like collector dolls

Spock's "What the F-" leads into main credits

Christine spends the whole ep working the problem

Spock has very little interaction with her, all things considered, as a human

Christine has to appeal to an alien entity to get Spock back to himself

Spock and Christine share a moment of truth before he is returned to himself

Possible Spock/Christine kiss to end the episode

IF Spock/Christine kiss, they were kissing before "What does this mean?" from preview

How did I do? Well, if you watched the episode, you know already. And while I didn't get all the details right (you'd have to be inside my brain for that bit), I think I did petty well!

Chistine's Log

It's great that we're getting a look into her mind, what she values, and how she organizes her thoughts. And I have to applaud Jess Bush on the voice work on this one, because her inflection on her lines has always been a treat, and it's just as wonderful via VO.

Christine is excited about the Kherkovians and excited about her possible fellowship. What I love most about the montage is how we see everyone rallying and supporting her.

This is Christine's "Elle Woods Studies for the LSATS" montage. And as we go through matching cuts (this director seems to be a huge fan of them), we eventually arrive at a table with friends... and shots!

And can we talk about these three boss ass bitches hanging out together and drinking together? Like, I love that we're back to that idea that a starship is a family, and that these people are the people you actually like and want to be around. It's so bloody glorious.

"I don't get it. Your interview is with a Vulcan. So why aren't you practicing with Mr. Spock?"

Yeah, Christine. Why aren't you spending alone time with Mr. Spock? Of course, that's not what La'an means, but you can see how Christine blanches at the mention of their pointy-eared friend.

"Oh, things are kind of weird between them."

Erica. Ortegas. You did not just do that! M'Benga would never.

But, I'm personally glad Christine opened up at least a little to one of her best friends. We saw her hesitating back in S1 to tell Erica about her crush on Spock.

So, at some point, Christine opened up enough to Erica that now her friend's spreading her messy maybe-relationship to their mutual friend.

"Weird how?"

Erica's smirking while Christine's in shock. Christine doesn't talk about her feelings. She shoves them deep down where she doesn't have to deal with them and pretends they don't exist.

Friendships are great for Christine. Friends-with-benefits? Hell, yeah! But talk about the potential for a relationship? Or having feelings rather than simple attraction? This is outside of Christine's comfort zone.

She buries herself in her drink, much as she did in the first season with Erica when she said, "It would have to be the right man."

Well, honey, I don't know if he's the right man, but he's definitely the man in your mind right now.

A Scientist, A Doctor, A Nurse, And a Turbolift

The turbolift scene is brief, but impactful. Christine tries to catch his eye because she wants to assure herself they can get back in their boxes. But Spock cracked open Pandora's box of emotions. There is no going back.

Spock is praising himself for his emotional control. But he was almost tripped up by crumbs. Crumbs. What would he do if he was face-to-face with the woman he wept over right now?

As Spock leaves without a single word to the two of them, M'Benga and Christine look at one another.

And I thank God I was watching this on my bed at 3 in the morning and not during my lunch break, per usual, because I'm pretty sure my drink would've shot through my nose at M'Benga's face.

Seriously. If you haven't rewatched this brief scene, go back and do it if only for his look after Spock leaves. It's hilarious.

Spock's Log

The temperature firmly established on Christine's present goals (prep for interview/avoid Spock), we now get a glimpse into Spock's mind and life via montage.

He is hanging out with friends, cooking with Pike, and trying not to murder Kirk for crumbs. In short, we're getting a glimpse at status-quo Spock so we can later compare and contrast.

Spock has always enjoyed being around his friends. I think of Spock in his later yeas camping with Kirk and McCoy (my personal favorite classic Trek character). He has always enjoyed being surrounded by people he trusts.

And I posit that's part of why he's so committed to Starfleet. On Vulcan, he is reminded of his father's disappointment in him, the conflict with his older sister (though they resolved it), how Vulcan children bullied him, and how he must perform as a full-blooded Vulcan despite being half-human or face derision and discrimination.

In Short: It's a lot.

But as a member of Starfleet, he spends time with people from many backgrounds, cultures, languages, and creeds. He doesn't have to be the perfect version of anything. In general, his friends take him as he is without asking him to be anyone or anything. He can simply be.

Though there is one notable exception, now. And it's not her fault. It's simply a necessity of reality—Spock feels he can no longer be himself around Christine.

Nearly losing her in 2x01 when his emotions were still quite raw and exposed was devastating. He literally wept over her lifeless body and had to endure the agony of potentially ordering her death.

Spock is trying to fit himself back in the Vulcan box because he's worried about what he'll say or do around her. He wants to be true to his fiancée and everything he's promised her. He knows to do this, he must suppress everything he feels for Christine.

But this isn't like a fresh herb he's never smelled (see next scene) and can't miss through his suppression. He knows what it is to kiss her, to taste her, to hold her, to want her, to mourn her, to save her, to hold vigil over her.

In short: He's so screwed.

"I am afraid my nasal suppressants inhibit my perception of scent."

Forgive the fangirl flail, but my two favorite characters of Enterprise were Trip and T'Pol—apart and together. So, getting a bit of confirmation of the Vulcan's keen scent that we first learned via T'Pol made me kick and squeal a little.

Reminder to Self: Gotta read that fix-it book, at long last, to save Trip from his Enterprise fate.

A Passenger

The whole conversation with Pike reminds me of the last time Spock was having concentration issues—when T'Pring was busy looking up human sex.

I find it fascinating (sorry, Spock) how much T'Pring throws him off. Whether it's his human side or Vulcan side, she tends to spring things on him that send him spiraling.

"I am fine, Captain."

Why call this out? Because "I'm fine" is going to come back later in this episode, and I find it fascinating (again, apologies, Mr. Spock) that it first presents itself here—when Spock is decidedly not fine.

And now he's getting a passenger. Of course, we're gonna cut straight from the line to the person for impact. But, oy, Spock's having a rough day.

He's already distracted with his relationship issues. The last thing he thinks he's going to get is more relationship issues.

A Nice Day for a Shuttle Ride

Christine ides alongside Spock, both of them facing forward. But Spock can't help but catch a glimpse of her.

This isn't a short ride in the turbolift. This is an entire mission together, in an enclosed space, with nowhere to escape.

He tries to approach her as a Vulcan—with tact.

"It is good to see you, Nurse Chapel."

Ah, now he's going to try to be "normal" because they're in a forced professional situation, and not talking at all would be ridiculous considering they have to work together.

"We did see each other in the turbolift the other day. You seemed busy."

This is such a passive aggressive line from Christine. The dude literally stared at the doors the entire time. But, it's also an "out" that she's offering him.

She doesn't want to talk about this anymore than he does.

But a small part of her wants to know if she's imagining it. She doesn't think so (M'Benga's reaction is confirmation enough), but she wants to hear it from him.

"I have many duties. If I offended you, I apologize."

He speaks without emotion, without emphasis, straight facts. But it's still hurtful. And he knows it.

Watch how he closes his eyes, admonishing himself. Do better. He tries to talk to her, really talk to her, like he would before he realized he was falling for her.

"You are here for the fellowship you are applying to? Archeological medicine?"

Note how his cadence and timbre have changed. This is how he normally talks to her—honest and open. It's how he wants to talk to her, but he's afraid of what will come out of his mouth if he opens it to speak.

Remember, Vulcan emotions are reportedly stronger than human emotions. And he's removed some of his control when he fought the Gorn. So, while he is making progress on regaining control, he's still terrified of what emotions Christine Chapel might unleash.

But he's choosing to talk about work. That's safe.

"You know, the Vulcan Science Academy would be lucky to have someone of your experience."

I love the use of "You know". It's so... conversational. It's true Spock slipping through. And this is a true sentiment. He means it.

"Thanks. It's, um, it's nice of you to say."

Ah, yes. This is nice, right? Just two coworkers talking about coworkery things. No reason to get emotional, right?

But Christine's struggling with this whole thing, and it's hard for her to believe what he's saying. Is he saying it as a nicety? Does he believe it?

There's too much weirdness between them right now, and she feels pushed to clear the air.

"Spock? I don't usually read into this sort of thing much, but, uh, it's felt like you've been avoiding me." "Has it?"

Welp, the plan to keep it professional backfired. Because while Christine doesn't want to have this conversation, she can feel the shift in their dynamic. And she doesn't like it.

She had put them into a happy little box of Friendship, and until they started making out on the Bridge of the Enterprise, they were doing a pretty good job of staying thee. Even later in the season, they seemed to have regained their footing.

But Hemmer's death set off a tidal wave of emotions in Spock that are still churning under the surface. Christine isn't blind to that, but I don't think she understands how much this Vulcan man feels for her.

He almost started a war for you, honey. You gotta mean something to him, right?

Spock's fortunately saved by the scanner, but even then, it takes a second for him to switch back into work-mode.

"I should... initiate scans."

Christine acknowledges the shift, no longer pressing for answers. But, did you see the way she checked him out when he stopped close to him? I mean... hubba, hubba. Christine's jonesin' for her coworker.

And, look, I am not a supporter of adultery. I applaud how Spock has tried to keep his distance while Christine has tried to keep him in the friend box. Neither of them want to do something they'll regret.

But this tension's reaching a tipping point, pushed over that edge by two major events in this episode that overlap and intersect.

The tension in the room shifts from, "Wow, I want him/her and shouldn't" to "holy shit, we're gonna die" in a matter of seconds.

The first time watching it, I noticed how Spock reached for a dial at the last second. My first thought was, "Oh, that was an intentional movement, there, but I bet we'll never know what it was for."

Folks, I was so excited to be wrong.

We'll get into what Spock was doing in that moment, but I love that the last thing he heard was Christine saying his name.

There's an intimacy to how Jess Bush says it—putting so much emotion into a single syllable. What do you say when you're about to die next to the one person you wish you could tell everything, but can't?

Do you break that invisible barrier of civility to tell him how you feel? Do you lament you didn't have time to sort it out? What can you say?

Genetic Manipulation Steals Spock's Eyeliner

He does have it in other shots as a human, but for this closeup, it's very jarring to go from Spockliner to none. All part of the illusion, folks!

"I feel... strange."

I love that the first words out of his mouth as a human are, "I feel." We talk so much about Vulcan emotions and Vulcan feelings, and he knows from the first moment that something is off.

"What happened to me?" "We don't exactly know."

It's almost a question on "know" that is so much fun. Jess Bush really has some incredible deliveries as Christine, and I adore it. There's such a dynamism to her deliveries.

I love that one of the first details is Spock investigating his hands. Why? Vulcans are touch-telepaths. No doubt, his hands feel strange without that ability coursing through them, even if he's touching nothing.

"Remediation was made. The beings now match."

This. Says. So. Much. Because so often in the history of this blighted country, we've seen racism tell people they can't be together unless they're the same. Heck, I've seen it in faith, too.

And these beings have the idea that making them match is the right thing to do. But they miss that having differences is part of the joy of connection.

Yes, you can be from the same country/speak the same language/worship the same way and have a beautiful relationship. But that isn't required.

Sameness does not equal compatibility or value. As Star Trek says, Infinite Diversity in Infinite Combinations.

"Nurse Chapel is already working around the clock to find a way to reverse your genetic alteration."

Because she's the expert. Hell, yeah, that's my girl!

Now, we can play the "Christine's falling in love with Spock and that's why she's killing herself over this" all day. But the truth is that if this had happened to any member of the crew, Christine would be the one dealing with it because she's the expert.

It's simply juicier because she was the one with Spock when it happened, and she happens to be falling for him.

"Emotions must be new to you." "Vulcans have emotions. We learn to suppress them. These human feelings are different. They're intense and they never stop." "What you're going through, it sounds a lot like being a human teenager."

I love this whole explanation of what's happening with Spock. He hasn't changed who he is. We've watched him going through the exact same montage as before, but this time his control is gone—because human emotions work differently from Vulcan.

Through the Vulcan experience, he could suppress his emotions and box them up. Human emotions work differently. He lacks the chemicals in his brain to behave as he did before.

Remember, Vulcans are wired differently than humans, and while genetically Spock descends from one human and one Vulcan, dominant genes are at play.

For example, of my three children, only one looks like me with olive skin, dark brown eyes, and dark hair. My other two children take after my husband with strawberry and sandy blonde hair, pale skin that easily burns, and one even has hazel eyes!

Same parents. But different amounts of each of us and our genetics.

Spock's anatomy presents primarily as Vulcan, which would apply to the chemicals in his brain, as well. He's lacking those chemicals that retrained his brain to deal with emotion in a controlled and suppressed manor.

He is still the same person at his heart, but it's as though he were born entirely human in his genetics. Problem is, he didn't grow into them. They were thrown upon him as a grown man who was used to entirely different genetics.

It's not odd, to me, that while his core principles remain unaltered, how he approaches them is partially informed by the tools he has and/or lacks with an entirely human anatomy.

"Have you been here all night?"

Of course, Christine would do this for any member of the crew. But the pain she feels is amplified by her belief in her responsibility, and the fact that it's someone she cares about, deeply.

"If I hadn't been there, then maybe they wouldn't have done what they did to Spock."

Oh, there are so many layers to this. The obvious take is that she feels guilty that the aliens modified Spock's genetic code. But I think there could be another layer.

Because Christine was not initially on that mission with Spock. When La'an called her out on not talking to a Vulcan about the whole thing, I think she decided to prove that she could handle it, and requested to be added to the mission.

What if her ulterior motive for joining the mission was to prove to herself that they could be okay? That she could be okay around him? That it was all in her head that he was avoiding her, and that there really is nothing between them?

Because, that's what she wants. She wants for there to be nothing between them. She's tried to will it into being.

And what if her desire to prove they were nothing but platonic coworkers was what brought such pain to the person she truly cares for? What if it's her own hubris that brought this on?

Of course, we all know that M'Benga is right when he says that her presence might have been what preserved Spock's life at all. With "mixed instructions", who knows what the aliens might've done without Chapel's example.

And yet another example of just how biased our own medical system can be in this country. Did you know we are just now seeing medical diagrams and training materials that take different levels of melanin into consideration for bruising, bleeds, and reactions?

Sorry, back to the story—Christine's hurting.

"Survivor's guilt is easy to spot from the outside. But it's not fun from the inside."

I love their relationship. These two are deep friend who truly understand one another.

"Are you forgetting something important?"

Oh, shit! The interview!

"What? We're done?" "I have all I need. We will contact you."

I feel like all the other Vulcans in this episode are a reminder of why Spock is different, and special, and why we love him so much. It's not that he's a half-Vulcan. As Angel would say, that's not what this is really about. It's because of who he is.

No matter what version of himself he is, he cares about his friends. He loves his work, and he pours himself into it. He tries to do what is right, even if he sometimes gets it wrong. He's loyal, and patient, and kind.

Now, human Spock doesn't have impulse control, as we've seen. But if he were trapped in this state forever, I'd like to think that's something he could learn.

"Christine?"

First off, woah. Spock avoids saying her first name because of how intimate that is... and I have a theory...

See, Vulcan emotions are reportedly stronger than human, right? We saw what happened when Spock tried to let a little anger out with the Gorn... he went postal. He couldn't regain control. It was a flood that he couldn't stop.

What if he's kept such a tight rein on those emotions as of late because he's afraid of the flood to follow?

Spock's humanity is offering him the opportunity to talk to her, to engage with her, to be in the same space with her without losing all control.

His human emotions are a bit out of sorts, yes, but he can work in spurts and starts with them. Once a Vulcan emotion is unleashed, it won't easily be bottled up.

"I'm fine. I'll be fine."

She starts to say the canned line we're taught to say whenever someone asks how we are, "I'm fine." I hate "I'm fine."

Unless you're talking about how you look in your favorite outfit, when you say, "I'm fine" I wonder if you're telling the truth or bowing to society's standards.

"Vulcans can be such jerks."

The iron of that statement. Christine smiles at him, because she really needed that laugh. But it's also so strange a statement as she's working to restore his Vulcanness.

Insert Awkward Hug

In the history of awkward hugs, that might be one of the most cringe between two characters I actually adore together. He enters into it with the best of intentions, but once he's there, it's really awkward for both of them.

While Christine loves being near Spock, it doesn't feel right. It doesn't feel like him.

"It felt like you needed that. Did I read the moment wrong?"

This moment really struck me, but for very personal reasons. See, I have an Autistic son, and hugging is one of those things that, God bless him, is a big part of him.

He likes to go up to strangers and hug them. And while they all smile because he's a super cute 8-year-old, someday he'll be an adult and they might not think it's as cute. So, we work on asking permission and understanding situations.

I know sometimes people liken Spock to being Autistic-coded, and while I don't know if that's true, this moment really struck me.

"It was really nice. It wasn't typical for you." "Is that okay?"

As M'Benga would say, there's technically nothing wrong with it. But it's not him.

"I'm fine. I'll be fine."

He's echoing back her words to her, but it also feels like growth. At the top of the episode, he declared, "I'm fine" when he wasn't. This response is far more honest and realistic.

Also, my mind drifted back to my first Human/Vulcan lovers, Trip and T'Pol. Their mutual confession of feelings scene is one of the funniest, sexiest, and most beautifully written/performed scenes in Star Trek, to me.

It's Season 3, for anyone who wants to relive it, but I'd do so before Paramount+ removes it like they did Season 4.

Spock's Elle Woods LSAT Montage

Echoes of Christine and Spock.... and how the team all rally around him, now, to help.

"We better hope Dr. M'Benga and Nurse Chapel come up with a cure before the mind meld"

Fascinating that he's going professional on her name with his mother, and I think that makes sense in the moment.

Despite what Spock may feel for Christine, even in his human state he's trying to stay true to T'Pring and his Vulcan obligations related to their engagement. That's important.

Because Spock is still Spock. He's altered, but not gone.

"Yes, I'm way ahead of you."

I love this. We need the reminder of the Chapel we met on Day One, "I know I'm good at what I do". This is where she excels... and she can't make it work. And now she's on a time-clock of her own.

Also, I love how she and M'Benga talk as equals, here. There's no ego in what they're saying. He's trying to offer solutions, but she's already way ahead of him—because this is her speciality.

She respects his, and backs him up, and serves as an amazing assistant when needed. But right now he is the assistant, even though he carries the "Doctor" designation and she the "Nurse".

Let me tell you, I've often experienced Nurse Practitioners who were better in their field than Doctors. This is a nice reminder of that reality while also showing how it can work in a practical situation without bias. Ah, the utopian vision of this era of Star Trek's timeline.

Christine Interrupts Dinner

Look, these two just got their meals, and in comes their sweet-but-oblivious-to-her-feelings friend begging them to go on a mission with her to save her not-boyfriend.

And it makes sense that now that Spock is beyond the help of (most of) his friends the team swivels to helping Christine, again. This is their episode, after all.

"Look, I can't ask either of you to risk your lives for this. But if there's a chance to save Spock, I have to try."

She's willing to risk her life for him. Golly, they are so similar. Because she's in a shuttle craft on her way to the anomaly where he once chose to risk his life for her... but she doesn't know that, yet.

"He didn't choose to be live this."

I remember when I was guessing at what would happen in this episode that I really thought his choice was going to have more to do with it. I guess the writers thought it obvious that he wouldn't want to continue being human.

Yes, we've seen that being human is impacting his life in negative ways, but it could also impact it positively. That's the dichotomy of life in all its facets—it's beautiful and terrible.

"So, we're doing this?" *Uhura touches her shoulder* "We're doing this."

I really think those two bonded when Christine held Uhura after Hemmer sacrificed himself. But I also love this moment of Christine feeling the warmth of sacrificial friendship. She's growing closer to everyone with this civilian post.

We know that in childhood Christine didn't have a lot of friends. She was bullied. She was different, somehow. It's one of those points where she and Spock always related.

Christine also tends to rely upon herself rather than others. Trusting others means letting them in. Letting them in means opening herself up to potential pain.

But as she goes on this mission to help one friend, she's in the company of two others. And you see the moment their friendship washes over her and she relaxes into it.

"This is not going well. How is the cure coming?" "We've hit a roadblock. Nurse Chapel went to find the Kherkovians" "She what? And you just let her go?" "You and I both know that when Christine sets her mind to something, she is hard to stop."

I love the transition from professional to conversational, here. M'Benga is one of the few people—if not the only—privy to the fact that Christine's feelings aren't unrequited.

Yes, Christine's girlfriends have clearly picked up on how she feels about Spock. But even Christine is unsure about how he feels.

But that last line is so bloody powerful. Christine can be a bit like a bulldozer when she's locked onto something. What happens when she locks onto Spock? What happens if she locks onto something else and leaves him behind?

"What is your relationship to this being?" "Um... He's my friend." "Friends are not allowed complaints outside of the response period." "What? Why not?" "Because they do not have sufficient connection to the being in question."

Holy shit, they made HIPAA a character on Star Trek.

Think about it. My best friend can't go into the doctor's office and make decisions about my medical care if I'm unable to speak for myself. But my husband could.

Blue and Yellow might as well be documents you fill out when you show up in the waiting room. They're contractual, factual, literal, benevolent beings.

"You are each other's caregivers?" "No. Well, sort of." "This would answer a question we had. During the crash, the other being diverted shields away from himself to protect you." "He what?"

She finds out that he was willing to die to protect her. This is a huge shift for her. She had a malamute sticking up for her as a kid. A malamute, people! But now there's a man literally willing to die for her.

And he couldn't bear the thought of her dying, again. Rather than watch her die, he chose to increase her likelihood of survival, thus minimizing his.

When she was searching for last words, he was soaking in that last look at her knowing it might be the last thing he saw.

"What is your relationship to this being?" "I don't know." "Oh my God, Christine, come on!" "Seriously. You do know. Tell them." "Tell them what? I don't know what to say." "Tell them you like Spock, that you have feelings for him." "Are you so obtuse that you don't even see that?"

This is the line that broke me. Because Ortegas knows her. Erica has been through a lot with Christine, and knows how she handles relationships—poorly.

Also, Erica has a tendency to notice things before Christine—like the fact that Dever was going to become a problem for Christine's sensibilities.

So, I love that while Uhura is just as fed up with Christine's inability to put it into words (my husband beside me said, "It's now or never") with Spock's genetics on the line, it's Ortegas whose words strike me hardest.

Because Erica knows that Christine's not trying to be difficult. She's been hurt, before. She's afraid of relationships and love. She's tried so hard to follow her rules of dating. And with all that programming, it's difficult for her to realize what she's feeling.

"It's complicated." "Then make it simple. Because if you don't, he'll never be like how he was again."

Damnit. The future rests on Christine facing her feelings head-on. She soaks in Uhura's words, knowing they're true. If she can't convince the aliens that they have true connection, then she can't save Spock.

That means she has to tap into what she really feels. She has to acknowledge it. She has to allow herself to feel it.

But she can't do that with everybody watching.

She motions for Uhura and Ortegas to turn around, which they do with much eye-rolling. As much as Spock's dealing with the emotional maturity of a teenager, Christine's just as stunted, in some ways.

"Spock is..."

The emotions strike her before she can get out more than two words. Because, there's what he is... what he isn't... and what she wishes he could be in her life.

"He's my friend. And, maybe, sometimes, I wish that we had... more... connection."

She's reaching for the words the aliens use, trying to keep this controlled.

"But when you healed him, you changed him. You made him, um, easier to talk to. Someone who probably, um, understands my feelings a little better."

There it is. Her feelings. She's finally acknowledging her feelings. But in this heartbreaking realization of her feelings, she's admitting that Spock in his full self may never understand her feelings.

Restoring him to his former self means stripping his current understanding away. But it's the right thing to do. It's the right thing to restore Spock so he can live the life he was meant to—even if that means Chapel helps him complete his Engagement Dinner to another woman.

A tear slips out of Christine's right eye, and she wipes it away. And while I know these things are random, I can't help but smile to realize it's the same eye that Christine's tear fell from in TOS when Spock wiped it away.

"But, um it's not him. At least, it's not all of him because you took away the other part. A part I was connected to. And I miss him... as he was."

Connection. In the history of Starfleet and all our many stories within that world, connection is always emphasized. It doesn't have to be romantic. In Christine's case, she feels it never will be between her and Spock, no matter how she feels.

But they are still connected. Just as she's connected to everyone in her inner circle. As he is to his. They have found community and connection with one another.

And Christine was able to bring her thoughts back around to save Spock. Because their connection—no matter how deep or shallow it will become—will always be there.

"Mr. Spock. I have your vitamins."

Spock's, of course, grateful. Christine is alive and she beat the clock (barely... thanks, Pike, for the charades!). As he joins Christine in the bathroom, T'Pring watches them thoughtfully. She's had suspicions that something was going on, but I think this is when she's almost sure.

Not that she thinks these two are going to hook up in the bathroom, or anything, but that she's on the outside, yet again, with her own fiancé.

"Uh, the Vulcan genome should start coming back immediately, and physical changes may take a couple hours."

We know that Christine can rearrange and manipulate genetics temporarily, but Spock's body is about to go through a massive change. His arteries and internal organs are going to shift. His ears are going to grow back to their normal state. His blood's gonna shift from red to green.

I'm gonna take a wild guess that those Kherkovians put some heavy painkillers in that cocktail Christine's about to shove in his neck.

"I'm glad to see you're okay. I was worried about you."

This is completely consistent with character, except that he would not have vocalized it before. We know Spock worries about her. We know that he's relieved when she's okay. We've seen it.

"Why did you do it? On the shuttle, you moved the shields to save my life." "I... it was the logical choice. As a Vulcan, I had a higher likelihood of survival." "Just logical, huh?"

She normally wouldn't call him out like this, especially when she should be rushing to give him these meds so he can get into that Mindmeld. But she's raw, and she's hurting, and she's confused.

Her nerves are exposed and a part of her needs to understand if she's reading too much into the situation.

"Christine, I feel many things. It's confusing." "Yeah, I know. For me, too."

Welp, they're both confused. There's something.

They both look down, and I'm grasping for what motivated it. I'm guessing he took her hand, but we're in a shoulders-up shot, so we can't actually see what's happening.

I'm going to go with him taking her hand. It makes the most sense. And it's fucking bold of Spock.

"I have to tell you-"

Christine shuts him up with the hypospray. Because, if you're going to hear a love confession from someone you care about, you want it to be when they have all their faculties. If they're under the influence or inhibited somehow by something outside their control, it's hard to know what they really think and feel.

So, Christine stops him. But, from Spock's perspective, it feels almost like rejection.

"Get back out there. You have people waiting."

But he's frozen in place. Vulcan emotions are rushing back in, and they have to be compartmentalized and suppressed because he feels the pain of that rejection.

Christine walks out, instead, but she's hurting just as badly as he is. Because even if he said all the things she wanted to hear, it wouldn't have been him. She might have lost her only chance at hearing what she wants, but it was the right thing to do.

Spock Decides to Talk with Christine

I have to call this out because of where we last left these two—heartbroken. Spock was opening up to Christine about how he felt when she stuck a hypospray in his neck to shut him up.

She did it because she felt she had to—to restore Spock, that meant restoring him to the "honest man" who wouldn't pursue her while he had a "girlfriend".

For Spock, he had to endure that moment of all his suppressive abilities sliding back into place while simultaneously recognizing Christine pushing him away.

And yet, here he is, making the decision to go to her.

Now, let's be clear that this would not have happened if T'Pring had not said she wanted time apart. Spock has done everything that he can to stay away from Christine, to avoid what he feels for her, to suppress what he feels.

In a strange twist, T'Pring's actions have created a scenario similar to the one he just experienced—freedom from expectation.

Now, I've seen the "we were on a break" arguments, and I think it's up to Spock and T'Pring to define what that means for them. I can only hope there's Vulcan precedent to help guide them on what is (and isn't) acceptable during their time apart.

Because I hate cheating.

I've had friends who were cheated on, and it was the bloody worst. I don't like it in media. So, I'm hoping my assumptions are correct in that this is accepted within the constructs of Spock and T'Pring's separation.

Spock has been stewing on the events of the day and his mother's last words to him. Despite Christine pushing him away earlier, he makes the decision to seek her out. He needs to talk to her.

"I'm here."

The way she says this is so adorable. There's such optimism and openness in it before her more cynical nature kicks in to shut it down.

And why is she here? She's the one who walked away from him, before, but I like to think her own emotions and feelings are swirling inside to the point she can't think.

As she finally had to be honest about it with herself, she's sought out Spock to be honest with him. She doesn't expect anything from him.

But Erica once told Christine that she should spend her next relationship being more honest from the start. So, she's going to be honest.

"What were you coming to see me about?"

Spock wordlessly steps into his quarters, inviting her in. As he stops, he turns sharply over his left shoulder to face her.

In the hallway after Hemmer's wake, he turned over that shoulder, away from her. In Sickbay as she slumbered he turned over that shoulder, away from her. But today, he turned over that shoulder to face her.

He's no longer avoiding her, and his body language tells us before his words.

"That T'Pring and I decided to take some time apart." "And how do you feel about that?"

Christine, the queen that you are. This reminds me of their conversation at dinner, of their chat in the hallway, of every time she makes space for him and how he's feeling.

She doesn't make any assumptions about what he's saying. She leaves space for him to speak, even though we can see her initial reaction was elation.

She tamps that down to be sure she's reading the room correctly, and give Spock the opportunity to correct her initial assumption, if needed.

"I feel badly."

Christine nods, ready to be in friend-mode.

"But also, it was necessary. I am conflicted because I have feelings for someone else."

He said it. He fucking said it.

"A Vulcan with feelings?"

Classic Christine to deflect. But it's also a flirt. You can hear the smile in her voice as she says it, because she knows he has feelings.

She's the one who's talked to him about his emotions, wiped the bloody tear from his cheek. She knows that Spock has emotions, but it's so her to deflect a little in this moment.

Nearly losing her forced him to confront his feelings in 2x01. In 2x05, Christine faced losing Spock, and it similarly forced her to face what she'd been avoiding.

But she didn't imagine he'd feel the same way.

"We do have them. They are more powerful than human feelings which is why we suppress them."

Translation: My feelings for you are so strong, I had to suppress them.

He's explaining why he's been MIA. Suppressing this emotion has meant avoiding the cause of it. This isn't a messy table he can clean up and forget.

Yes, I've talked about love being messy before. And I have a feeling this is about to get very messy. But I hope it'll be fun along the way.

"I don't want to suppress this one any longer. I want to feel this."

The emphasis on want is incredible. And he's telling her without doubt that he is choosing them in this moment. He's choosing to embrace whatever this is, without allowing logic to dictate it.

Christine watches him, and this time it's words failing her. Her lower lip is trembling as she listens to him. It's too good to be true.

And I swear there's a smile in Ethan Peck's eyes when he says that last bit.

Christine's lack of response isn't because she doesn't share his emotions. We know that she does. But I posit she's told herself so much this was never going to happen that even as it's happening, she's struggling to believe it.

It reminds me of my response to my husband when he proposed. I literally said, "Are you kidding?"

Folks, he planned a four-hour scavenger hunt through multiple cities, calling friends in England and California, finding hidden notes, all to end in a black box theater he rented with a bloody light plot, dozen roses, and a poem he read to me.

After all of that, I was still convinced it would never happen. So, as he knelt before me, I fumbled to believe... even then.

"What did you come here f-"

His voice drops to a whisper. So intimate. So afraid to hope that she's there because she feels the same way. He got a hint of that when she gave him the hypospray, but it's not the same as confirmation.

Christine launches herself at him. Her hands grab his face, drawing him to her, but he already sees her coming. His eyes close before her lips meet his. Christine's take a little more time to close, and I like to think she was watching to see if he was into this.

Christine, honey. He's so into this.

As they kiss, the camera swoops around them, and I mourn the tightness of the shot. I've never been a fan of tight shots for kisses, to be fair. This is purely personal preference. I want to see the hands.

I have two communications degrees, and as an ambivert who was quite introverted in grade school, I spent a lot of time observing people.

I feel like the lack of hands takes away from how I can rate Spock's true engagement in this snog-fest... which might be the strangest sentences I've ever written in a Meta.

For any Rose/The Doctor fans, you must remember the clone they made of him and how they kissed, right? That kiss looked emotionless and cold filmed as a head-shot to me. I never believed Rose was into it.

But the behind-the-scenes where we could see the hands!? Hubba, hubba!

I really wanted to see Spock's hands to better gauge his interest and response. Especially after reading an interview with Ethan Peck about how he had to determine if Spock kisses a human differently than a Vulcan. I wanna see that in action!

Christine drops off tip-toes as the camera settles, and Spock moves with her, his lips still locked on hers. They're already moving as one.

But the part that guts me in the best way is the little kiss after they start to pull away.

Remember their first kiss on the Bridge? Of course, you do. Who could forget that!?

Welp, I didn't notice until long after I wrote my first Spapel Meta that Christine lingers momentarily after they part—as though she wants to go back in for more.

This time, they both have that same instinct. And this time, they actually get it. That little micro-kiss is one of the hottest things in this scene to me.

Why? Because it's a fulfillment of an unspoken want to have such intimacy that you can share something so small and have it mean just as much as the big, sweeping kiss before.

And as they share this moment, Christine's fingers trail down Spock's Vulcan ear. And while I doubt Vulcan ears are as sensitive as Ferengi, I'm sure that felt pretty damn good, too.

Because Christine accepts all of him. She doesn't have to tell him, "I'm okay with you being Vulcan" because it's not a matter of her trying to convince him. It's implied. It's understood. It's apparent via their interactions.

And during this episode, Christine showed it in how she fought for him to regain his Vulcan half—even at her own expense.

Think about it... Christine spends a lot of her time helping Spock with T'Pring. And even though there was a countdown clock to the diminishment of genetic plasticity—Spock's biggest concern was his engagement dinner with his fiancée.

Christine fought to restore him not for her, but for him. Yes, she is attracted to Spock in his fullness of self, but she recognizes that restoring him meant restoring him to the half-Vulcan who has been avoiding her for weeks.

To be here, now, with him is beyond her wildest hopes. She's tasted him once, but this time there is no pretense. This time, their attraction is so much deeper. This time, it's all real and honest and open.

Christine opens her eyes almost immediately, but Spock's remain closed as he revels in the feelings he's experiencing. He's soaking it in. This time, there's no awkwardness. Nobody's watching (besides, well, us).

And the fist time I listened to this moment with headphones on, my heart about stopped. It's. Their. Song. The same theme that played during their first kiss on the bridge is playing as they kiss, now.

Our doomed lovers have their own theme.

Christine looks to Spock with new desire, her hands finally free to touch him, her mind finally free to wander to the places she didn't dare. Girl is ready to go! Look at how she's taking him in, letting her fingers explore his skin.

And Spock's taking the logical role of hoping to define what this means.

"What does this mean?" "I don't know. Shut up."

His eyes close before her lips meet his as she pushes him away from the door and deeper into his quarters.

Spock and Chapel are gonna get some tonight!

And, did I see this coming at the beginning of the season? Honestly, no. I thought they'd sleep together at some point in the run of the show. But definitely didn't call it this early! Especially when we all know it's going to implode/explode/end in tears.

I'd be remiss if I didn't at least address the separate-yet-similar arcs of our two lovers. Both of them are on arcs of understanding themselves better, just in different ways.

Spock has been made fully human. This has always been a part of him, but not something he could even imagine experiencing. He had the opportunity to see life through human eyes, to feel human emotions, to smell like a human, and to better understand his own mother.

And major props to whichever character decided they should meet in Pike's quarters with Pike present so the smell of humans might be explainable, even with Vulcan suppressants helping.

But in his journey to navigate life as a human, he started to see his mother's journey. He saw all the pain she suppressed over the years to give him a life of joy. And I'm not saying that we, as mothers, should have to suffer for our children. But I know all good parents often make decisions that are to the betterment of our Little ones, even at our own expense.

Spock finally understood the sacrifices she made. It reframed his own quest to be "Vulcan enough". His mother was never Vulcan. Could never be Vulcan. And yet, so much of what is good in him came from her.

I think that's part of what gave him the emotional freedom to declare himself to Christine in that final scene—freeing himself from the expectations of others. He realized he could thrive without compromising who he is. It's something Angel—for all their flaws—was trying to teach him.

And being released from his obligation to T'Pring by T'Pring freed him up to go after Christine. Again, I'm really hopeful that in the framework of Vulcan culture this is not cheating. I don't like cheating. But, I do like Christine and Spock.

Christine's arc is similarly about defining herself. Somewhere in the mess of the past year, she's lost a bit of her trademark confidence. And I think the problem of trying to solve Spock's genome issues was especially disheartening.

If you're the expert who can't expertly do the one thing in which you're supposed to excel, how much of an expert are you?

The initial rejection of the fellowship deals yet another blow to her psyche on a bad day. But after embracing who she is—a badass scientist, a loyal friend, an innovator, and even a woman capable of romantic love—she enters her second interview more confident in herself.

And I want to be clear that loving Spock doesn't make her who she is. But it's a part of her. It's a part of her she was denying and avoiding.

By releasing the burden she'd been carrying, she freed herself up to so many other things, including regaining her confidence in he prowess in her field. She's a badass. And now she's remembered that.

When they come together in that final scene, they've both been on journeys of self-discovery in their own ways.

Christine remembered that she was born to stand out in the best way, that she is capable and strong, but that she can also be vulnerable.

Spock learned what it is to be truly human, and finally understood the sacrifices his mother made for him.

And they were both surrounded by the love of their shipmates. In an episode all about connection, we witnessed so many different kinds: Familial. Friendship. Romantic.

Connection is more than tonsil hockey, despite what some media might say. Connection is when two hearts meet and feel kinship. That is what both Spock and Christine have found on Enterprise—with each other, and with their beautiful friends.

The over-arching theme of Season 2 thus far seems to be, "Who am I?" You can see it in different characters in every episode so far. It's a universal question—one that so many of us ask of ourselves at many points in our lives.

If you've made it this far, thank you for reading! I hope you know that you are beautiful, have intrinsic value, and matter more than you know. May the next morning bring light and love into your life like never before. See you on the next.

#Star Trek: Strange New Worlds #Strange New Worlds #Spapel #Spock #Chapel #Ethan Peck #Jess Bush #Star Trek SNW #ST SNW #Meta #Christine Chapel #Nurse Chapel

67 notes · View notes

apathynoir · 4 months

Note

a kiss to comfort both parties.

an avalanche should not have been on their schedule.

dwyer, jakob, sothe, micaiah. it's a small party, but size wasn't crucial to the mission. the task was to investigate unknown tracks in the snowy wood not far from their makeshift camp, determine their origin, and go home before the temperature dropped too far. really, it should have been quick.

nobody knew who caused it, or even if it was caused by a person. one minute the four were chatting quietly amongst themselves. the next, flashes of white came bearing down upon all of them.

dwyer was quick to act. he leapt at the first color he could see--green--and grabbed on to whatever it was before being swept away by the snow. he hoped this was a person. for the gods' sakes, just let it be a human. they rolled down with the flurry, earning strikes from passing rocks and trees. damn it, why was this the way things had to go?!

dwyer finds a stopping point, finally, in a lower area of the mountain--whether it was the base or just further down was beyond him. he's still in shock over the fall, and so is his new passenger, he notices. sothe is stuck in his arms, clearly just as frantic. despite the pair's equally frazzled states of being, neither have it in them to move. the snow saps their strength, and the hits they took on the way down are starting to ache something terrible.

sothe's wide and flitting gaze is telling enough to dwyer. he's looking for micaiah, who must have gotten split off. it's only natural; dwyer is doing the same for jakob. neither silver-haired person seem to be with them, so he can only assume (for his own peace of mind) that the two are together in some different part of the mountain.

but there's no time to wonder about that. the first step is to get warm and not freeze to death in the snow. time to drag the both of them to level ground. a campfire is necessary.

❧ ❧ ❧ ❧

time has passed with no sign of micaiah or jakob. it's almost nighttime, and dwyer is now far, far past concerned.

sothe is too from the looks of it. his distress hasn't once left his face since the two made their makeshift camp, and it's likely compounded by the fact that they're too weak to actually make any headway on searching for their companions. had dwyer's staff not broken during the tumble, they could have been on their way by now. frustrating.

dwyer is soaking wet, tired, cold, hurt. but there's someone in front of him feeling the same, and he knows wallowing in his own issues would do neither of them any favors. he will see them through this night through hell or high water.

he unbuttons his thick riding coat and turns it around so that the back faces outward. wordlessly he nudges sothe's arms through the arm holes, pulling the coat back until the two of them fit snugly inside. it's definitely an intimate approach, but it's also the best way for them to retain body heat. given the situation, between touchiness and death, it wasn't difficult to take a pick.

dwyer rests his head on sothe's, feeling fatigue clawing its way through him. he feels worry for sothe; having no confirmation on micaiah's whereabouts had to be more than difficult for him. neither of them had said anything the whole day. what kinds of thoughts were eating at him? and more importantly, how could dwyer ease them?

"...they'll be okay," dwyer finally musters with a voice hoarse from wear. he focuses on the fire, still mirthfully crackling away. "micaiah and my father are probably doing the same thing we are." well, maybe except for the extremely intimate parts. why was it so easy for dwyer himself to do this with sothe? "my father's pretty adept. whatever i do, he's probably doing, too... so don't, um..."

the words aren't coming out the way he wants them to. he wants to reassure sothe so that he can sleep a little easier, but what is there to do? make empty promises? lie? honesty was such an easy achievement when the stakes weren't the last threads of sanity.

and so, instead of talking, dwyer takes to memory. he thinks about those rare days in his childhood that his mother was present, holding him just as he holds sothe. there was always something that frightened dwyer in his youth, but the days his mother sat with him were the days he feared not a thing in the world.

her arms were relaxed but just firm enough to bring comfort. his hands slide to sothe's upper arms, cold fingers gently grabbing hold.

his mother would rock him back and forth ever so slightly, the movement reminding dwyer that he was alive and protected. it was hardly any movement at all, but dwyer could just tell. always. now, dwyer tries not to move too sharply. he wants to keep the peace, after all. eventually, he starts up a subtle movement from left to right, closing his eyes so that he could savor a little of that peace, too.

lastly, with her face buried in his hair, his mother would kiss the crown of his head. the softness always brought dwyer confidence and a quiet like no other. no matter what, no matter when. thinking of it made dwyer's nose singe---how long had it been since he'd seen her?---but he pushes through the cloud and moves as he remembers those days. silently, softly, with the ambiance of fire in the night, dwyer presses his lips into sothe's hair.

dwyer isn't sure if this will help how he hopes, but it's all he has. from the past to the present, he comforts the way he knows best.

and really, just doing this helps him a little, too.

#[ ic ]#[ ask memes ]#[ au ]#[ nevassan ]#[ me when i jsut decide to write a million words about it ]

7 notes · View notes

jasperjv · 9 months

Text

youtube

Hey. So 2 years ago Connor Lavery's aka khonjin's psychological torture of me reached fever pitch in my psyche and I was involuntarily committed to a psychiatric hospital in a severe psychotic breakdown that lasted almost 3 months. Now I'm indexed in his long story of his supposed inexplicable persecution. He thinks me, in my psychotic state, demanding monetary compensation for his gaslighting and harassment, was some kind of attempt at "cancellation" and me throwing a tantrum instead of communicating like an adult. However I deleted my entire social media presence after getting back from the hospital and haven't bothered him since. But he still thinks I did something to him.

The man is dangerous. He believes that the worst sin of mankind is the ego, so he makes it his mission to bully the fuck out of everyone until they have no self-esteem, boundaries of their own, or healthy sense of self whatsoever. The elimination of the ego however is what psychosis is, also unable to suppress the flow of the unconscious, identical to a waking dream. But when that happened to me after 2 years of mind games, he retreated into himself and framed it in the most disgusting way possible. Which you will see.

Embedded here is the first video I made myself specifically on this topic. You will see more details in a more recent video, and follow the trail I put in that video's description to get my full story. For the podcast in particular I would give a content warning for assault, sexual assault, ableism ("saneism"?) and general torture and terror.

There's nothing on God's green earth I could do or say to force him to take me seriously. I have probably half of you people blocked because just seeing anything to do with him would make my blood pressure spike. And it's high enough as-is just due to genetics. Maybe the rest of you might be able to be reached.

I'm so sick of fucking self-centered freaks trying to hold me accountable for actual psychosis because they're so desperate to blame anyone or anything but themselves for their part in tragedy. I really get gaslit about my own psychosis, and forced to prove a negative repeatedly (which we know is a lexical impossibility). I'm handed a blatant double-standard about mental health awareness and basic human decency, when in many cases I desperately need it more than most. Schizophrenia sufferers are 1% of the population. We're dwarfed by most, if not all, other mental illnesses. In this I continue to be thrown alone to the wolves. Sometimes even while being laughed at, it truly feels like. So I feel like I have to do all in my power to help make sure that this happens to fewer people than it would otherwise.

The callouts in 2018, the types of points of persuasion they were trying didn't make sense to me. Maybe this, though, could strike others. I'm more specific about how exactly he destroys people from the inside out. Stay the fuck away from him.

He's scared of losing his financial support from Patreon and ad revenue or whatever. I really, truly felt for that for a long time. But now I know that none of us are obligated to keep his ass afloat. It would be nobody's fault but his own if he didn't even try to heal his fucked up mindset and was just a raging misanthrope nobody wants to deal with. When you get to be my age, you become aware of all the ways to make a living. He could get disability. He could get a factory job, for instance. And that paid me an absurd amount of money. He needs to make up his mind about if he wants to be around people or not. Because he can't keep treating them the way that he does.

Oh, and if you're reading this and you happen to have any social connections with him whatsoever, for the love of God, do not let him put you on the defensive. About anything. Over and over again. It chips away at you. He doesn't have the answers. He doesn't have any objective taste like he desperately wants to think. He doesn't know any wisdoms that you couldn't get from someone who won't talk down to you.

Took me quite a while to convince him of the truth that he is only older than me by only a few months. I needed my hope in humanity and the future in order to not go and end it all. He did not give a fuck. He kept accusing me of lying about not being a naïve teenager. Just for that. Ask any well-adjusted and experienced adult and they will tell you to stay far away from people like that. The motivations that drive them to that behavior and opinion are bad, bad news.

He is intelligent, in the scariest ways. Intelligence of that type allows dysfunctional people like him to fabricate lines of logic that justify and enable the abuse they already sought to do. Literally anything can be justified with just the right kind of logic. Trust your gut. Guard your mind. It's the only one you've got.

He leads an excessively stressful life, creates his own dysfunctional world both inside and around him. I truly believe that this causes him many health problems. I've been having nightmares because of him. And as this built up and weighed heavy on my mind I got a fucking hemorrhoid. It went away very quickly after I made this video.

I'm feeling anxious as I type this. But I have to tell myself that anyone who would continue harassment of me over all the truth I've spoken is not worth my time or space. This isn't for them. It's for me, and it's for people who still have basic respect and empathy left in them.

Yours truly,

"slug"

#khonjin house #supermental #Youtube

8 notes · View notes

nightmarist · 1 year

Note

What kind of mannerisms do your ocs have?

Sigurd Helvega (non-DA, one of my longest standing OCs), he has no discernible pupil nor iris, so its hard to tell where exactly he's looking. Because of this, he has gotten into the habit of turning his head physically to show where he's looking, that he's paying attention, or pointing with a pair of fingers (a priestly gesture + his middle finger is long so its easier to pluck or touch things with), or an open palm gesture towards something. He moves slowly, very purposeful in everything he does.

He doesn't fidget, which creeps into notice after spending some time around him. How statuesque he stands and the way he holds himself exudes confidence - not arrogance, but a confidence that he knows exactly what he's doing at all times, every gesture is as natural and easy as breathing without a second guessed thought. When he stands still, his right hand holds the fingertips of his left hand, and it's a very deliberate gesture, one to show he's paying attention, and to show he's not armed (though it doesn't matter when he's a sorcerer-priest). He's very aware of his body and surroundings, and from it carries an almost eerie grace.

Dirthadin drums with his fingers when he thinks, and leans on his staff, often uses it as a walking stick. A little rap of his fingertips on a book, on his staff, on a wall he's examining, etc. He moves very quickly, and thinks on his feet, he looks almost like a bird with the little tics of his head when he's looking at things.

He thinks quickly, and his body shows it, from half-mumblings of half-words, to sharp, sudden turns when he's walking or exploring. He curls up into himself when he's sitting, crouching, or writing - it's not exactly good for his back, but it's a slight animalistic gesture he's learned subconsciously, it makes him small and more unnoticeable. At times, when sitting, because he has long, thin limbs, he'll loop one arm around the top of his bent knee, the other underneath, and lay his head.

Thomas Ivanov, (non-DA), he's an alien, insectoid, but with many aspects of his physiology he has to cover or hide. He covers his mouth when he smiles to hide his sharp teeth. He has four eyes, but the upper two stay closed when he's stealthed as a human. He keeps his cicada wings folded against his back and down the back of his trousers. He blinks one eye at a time. It's an instinct, so that he always has at least one eye open to watch for any danger.

His speech is somewhat stilted, human communication is different from animals, they have to say complicated thoughts to be understood, and Thomas is cursed with being caught between intrinsic animal instinct and humanoid complexity by the way he was created. He huffs through his nose when he gets annoyed by something. He doesn't emote expressively much, but his jaw sets if he's in public and is angry. otherwise, in genuine anger or fear or other adrenaline-inducing stressors, he'll bare his teeth, hiss, and click his wings, sometimes his teeth chatter.

Kasakos, my Tal-Vashoth Mage, "Herald of Andraste" , who bears the Anchor, (but distinctly is not the Inquisitor). At first has little to discern besides standing tall, still, and offering a grunt of approval or disapproval. But he's still new to independence outside the Qun, and finds himself learning how to relax, especially as a mage. He's much more uncertain about everything around him, and proceeds with caution, but more a kind of caution like a frightened child than an angry, wounded animal some may mistake him for.

He likes to touch things, helps ground him when dealing with new sensory information. He knows his size, and species, is intimidating, so he makes a point to be slow, and make slow, harmless gestures, like raising his hand to show the back of his fingers when he wants to take something or touch something, using just his fingertips to touch, as if he's afraid of his own size and magic ability.

Aribas, the official "Inquisitor", Tal-Vashoth spear-thrower, and friend and protector to Kasakos. Like many Qunari/Tal-Vashoth, she stands tall and intimidating, it's just the way Qunari battle training makes their fighters. She keeps her hands and person to herself when on official business, arms crossed, legs apart, an authoritative pose. Makes strong eye contact with whomever she is addressed. But off duty, or with closer friends, she is physically affectionate, something she revels in after leaving the Qun.

Her hand strongly patting a back or a shoulder (almost pushing people into the ground but she's getting a hang of the smaller folk), holding a shoulder or an arm, taking hold of a wrist or forearm to gently tug to show something, lending her arm out to shield or stop someone or something, and when further social relationships develop, full hugs, strong bear hugs that could crush your spine and take you off the ground. She's getting used to being allowed to be Tal Vashoth, and sometimes stands more at ease, with weight leaned on one side, arms crossed or hands at her waist. She rubs the back of her neck when facing difficult decisions, or the base of her horn when in thought.

Saarkadan was an assassin and spy before becoming Tal-Vashoth, and learned how to better hide his gait and mannerisms, and it eventually developed naturally. He's also friend to Kasakos and Aribas, having aided their leave from the Qun. He acts much more casual than most Vashoth save The Iron Bull. He leans somewhat forward with his head craned somewhat low, thumbs looped into his trousers or belt. He almost always has weight on one leg, easier to jump into a stands or leap out of danger.

He likes observing quietly, and has a sly, sharp smile most times. He'll physically wave something off that is serious. he understands it's serious, but it helps both himself and sometimes others round him to at least pretend it's not a big deal. He'll click his tongue when he gets annoyed, sometimes accidentally bite off the end of a roll he's smoking. He'll stand taller when he gets angry, he has a very quiet, seething anger compared to Aribas or Kasakos. He'll kick his heel into the ground a couple times when he's getting ready to do something manual, intended as a means to test the ground before he vanishes, leaps, runs, etc but became habitual everywhere.

I'll have to develop the newer DA ones a bit more, but these are a few of my mains.

Thanks !!

#my ocs #dragon age oc #sigurd #dirthadin #kasakos #aribas #thomas #saarkadan #i have so many... i figured id go with he DA ones i usually bring up + my old favorites i dont talk on tumblr abt as much

5 notes · View notes

fangirlstorycreator · 1 year

Text

The Legend Of The Lost Princess ♡ Chapter 19

"Besides Blackwall, it's been 40 years since it happened, it will just be bone, no flesh will be left on it" "I suppose you have point there Jared" "Its JARETH!" "Shhhh you two! Were still in the forbidden forest you know? The same forest that's home to many creatures both dangerous and quite possibly hungry? And dont forget, something clearly killed the lord of this house, what's to say it wont come back thinking there's more to feast on if they heard you?" Jareth looks a little worried "Alright Logan, sorry. I'll be quiet" "Good. Hey, look over there, a spiral staircase leading up to another room. This may be the way to the bedroom. Come on" Meanwhile downstairs, you Tal and Cael were looking everywhere for this box under a staircase that was mentioned in the story. You were about to give up when out of the corner of your eye, you spot something through another room. "Hey guys, follow me" They both follow your lead, and that's when you wind up in an enormous room, with a very tall and old looking stairway in the corner. Looking under it, you eventually stop, as you can see above you, hidden under what looks like the upstairs walkway attached to the stairs, a large chained up brown box. "There it is! I see it! Lets go!" You run up the stairs and onto the platform that lead to other rooms of the house.

Directly underneath were the box was, was a very long and death defying drop down to where Taligaro and Cael were standing. "How are we gunna get it?" Cael shouted up to you. You have a little think about what to do, then an idea pops into your head. "Has anyone got any rope?" You shouts back down to them. "Yeh I have, it's on my horse, I'll be right back" Cael says before running back the way he came, that's when Taligaro made his way upstairs and over to you. "What have you got in mind Y/N?" "I'm thinking, if I attach the rope to myself, I can swing under and loosen the chain, letting it drop to you and Cael" "Wait wait- what are you going to tie yourself too?" "I'll wrap the rope around this part of the stairs that's holding the box, and attach myself to it, thus keeping me still while I'm under it" "Y/N I'm not sure about this. Why dont I do it? I dont want you to get hurt" "Tal dont worry its fine. I used to practice this kind of thing all the time when I was little" "You did?" "Yeh, I was always learning new skills when I was locked up in that castl-uhh! House! When I was locked up in my house! When I was a child. My dad never approved of it, it my mum was supportive of me learning new things"

"Sounds like your dad wasnt the easiest guy to live with" "You could say that again" You both hear Cael running up the stairs towards you and Tal. "Hear, I got the rope. So what's the plan?" "Let me explain, but first, pass me that rope" As your group begins the box extraction, Jareth, Blackwall and Logan have just entered the massive upstairs bedroom. There were plants and broken pieces of history everywhere, but Jareth was after only one thing. "Right! Let's find that finger!" He starts hunting around the room in search of the bone finger and ring, Blackwall and Logan look too, but so far, no luck. It wasn't until Jareth tripped over a vine and landed on his front, that he sees something small, white and dusty infront of him. "Hey guys! I found it!" Blackwall and Logan rush over to Jareth as he stands up, to which he shows off the bones of a mans finger. "But wait Jareth, where's the ring? Isn't it suposed to have a ring on it?" "Oh yeh, your right. I wonder where it is?" Blackwall surveys the room, and his eyes land on something in the corner. "Uhhh guys, I think I found it"

They all look over to where he was pointing, walking over there, Blackwall kneels down and picks up a fresh human finger....with a ring on it. "What the hell? Why isn't the ring on this bone finger? Its the right age?!" Jareth says, but Blackwall looks worried, and very concerned. "That's not the thing you should be focusing on right now Jareth" "What do you mean? The one in MY hand is clearly the right finger" "Yes I know.....so the question is....who's finger is this? Why is it still fresh?.....and most importantly, whatever did this....could still be hear...." Meanwhile down in the other part of the house, you were safely secured on the rope, especially after Taligaro triple checked it for you to make sure you were safe. Taligaro and Cael were downstairs underneath you, ready to catch the box, or if needs be, you! You maneuvered yourself over the side and were now dangling on the edge, with your little blade in hand. You reached over, wriggling the blade inbetween the chain and the box, to your suprise it was actually quite easy to move it away from the chains. It was so old and rusty, it was almost crumbling against your blade. "Heads up!" You shout down, just as it slips out of the chains and down towards the guys. Cael is there first, grabbing the box before it hits the ground. "Got it!" Nice catch Cael! I'll be right dow- Huh!"

Your frightened as the structure holding you begins to crumble, moving you around as it falls away. Oh my god, Y/N!" Taligaro shouts from underneath you. You try to pull yourself up against the rope, but it's no use! The structure breaks in half, leaving you to fall from a great hight and down towards the ground. You scream as you fall, scared your about to meet your end, when just before you think it's all over, you fall into the strong arms of Taligaro. He saved you! He caught you in his arms as you fell, saving your life. "Y/N! Are you alright?! Talk to me!" Opening your eyes, you look up at Taligaro, he looks terrified and so worried about you. "Tal you- you saved me! Thank you" he gently puts you down and you embrace him in a tight hug, so thankful that he caught you just in time. He holds you just as tightly, like you were about to disappear and he'd never see you again. "Dont ever do that again Y/N! Promise me" "Alright, I promise never to dangle from an old staircase again"

"Hey you two? Wanna help me open this thing?" Cael asks you, Tal runs his fingers though his hair awkwardly as you give him a smile and kneel down to where Cael is. Looking over the box, you see it has a key hole, but no key. "I know what to do" Tal reaches into his pocket and pulls out a small and very thin blade. He runs the blade along the edge of the box, cracking it open for you and Cael to lift the lid, and your all very suprised with what you find. As your looking though the box, Blackwall, Logan and Jareth are staying quiet, knowing that there could be danger at any moment. "Hey Logan, what was that paper next to the finger when you picked it up?" Not knowing what Jareth was talking about, he turned back around and picked up a bloodied piece of paper, with writing on it. "Looks like a page wrapped out of a book, it seems like someone has written about there time hear, before they became just a finger" "What does it say?" "It says (I Mathew shall end this tale of the cursed ring. The lord of this house was a greedy man who horded many treasures, but one was clearly too much for him. He found this ring the night of his death, and mysteriously was left with just his finger and the jewelry, just like the story of the forest demon. Whomever wore the ring would be torn limb from limb, leaving only the ring to move on to another victim. I however dont belive this superstitious tripe! I have found the ringed finger and I will wear it! And show the world that the story is false! When I'm of old age and resting in my bed, I shall re-read this very paper and remember that I Mathew, proved the world wrong!)

"Hmmm? It seems that it didn't really go to plan with this Mathew guy" They all chuckle, just before they all stop in complete silence. The low and creepy sound of a growl filled whole room, terrifying them all into a frozen state. "M-maybe it was just the wind?" Jareth says in a panicky tone, it's not until the sound of a thud behind them, makes them slowly turn around, and brings them face to face with something truly monstrous. "Oh f#ck!" Downstairs, you, Tal and Cael were looking at all the little gold rings, coins and gem stones in the box, they were beautiful. "Let's take the lot, if we dont it will just be a waist" "You make a good point Cael" you say. Tal and Cael start to collect all the coins and treasures, and Tal notices that your looking at one piece of jewellery. It's an emerald ring, it was so beautiful, and there was a part of you that wanted it. But you thought to yourself that it really should be put towards gold for everyone when the quest was finished. However, Tal saw how much you liked it, and smiled at you before he took the ring into his hand. "Give me your hand Y/N" "What? Why?" "Just give me your hand" He holds your fingers in his hand and delicately slides the ring onto your finger. "Perfect fit. It suits you Y/N, a beautiful emerald, for a beautiful treasure" You cant help the blush that forms on your face, he's so sweet to you. "Thank you Tal, your...your very kind"

"Hey guys, what's this weird bottle?" Cael asks pulling put this little brown and grey bottle, with a very small label. He hands the bottle to you so you can read it, and your suprised to read what it says. "Waterbreathing? No way! This is one of those potions that's enfused with magic! I think we should keep this with us, you never know if we're gunna need it" "Absolutely, I agree Y/N. Put it in your pocket and we can go and look for the others.

You slipped it into your pocket as Tal and Cael finish up packing the treasures, however, that's when you all hear a thundering sound. "What the f#ck was that?!" All of a sudden, you hear the group screaming from upstairs and the sound of them running away from something that sounded extremely big. "Oh sh#t! RUN!"

#thomas ian griffith #sensei targaryen #general taligaro #general taligaro x reader

3 notes · View notes

bluewren · 1 year

Note

Happy Friday Wren! Maybe "your hands are warm" for pre-relationship Tal/Sera? 👀

Pre-relationship Sera & Tali lets me explore some Fade trauma!! 👀

@dadrunkwriting WC: 627

“Are you ready to talk about your nightmares?”

Sera wiggles her legs in place, scrunching herself to feel as small as she possibly can be. Not now, she still rather not have to the Fade. Not even remember, how can she remember? All she saw was nothing.

Taliesen’s eyes widen as she watched Sera’s back hit the window of her little room. Jumpy when she lands, as if she didn’t realize the glass was always there.

“I’ll take that as a no.” She lets a sigh, Sera shook her head. “How’s your little friend been doing, has she been enjoy herself after we took her came back with us?”

The big eared fox crawls up into Tali’s open arms. Twinkle Toes lets the elf push back the ears and wiggle her cheeks, resting in the comfort and bliss of their little room.

Sera giggles when she hears her pet’s joyous squeaks. “Don’t spoil that weasel, she’s already begging for fatty tuna dinners.”

“But how could I not?” Taliesen pouts. “Something this cute, deserves fatty tuna for every meal.”

She closes her arms around the fox’s torso, ruffling the soft fur with her hair.

“You can tell Cabot to stock lots of tuna for little fox, if you want to.”

“Oh no! I’m not explaining that request to Cabot. Your fox, you ask.”

“Why not? You’re Inky, who’s going to tell you no?”

Tali chuckles. “That’s not the point, nobody will take me seriously if I use my power on a request that silly.”

“Pfft. What’s the point of power if you’re not going to abuse it, a little?”

Tali shrugs.

“Somehow always knew I’d like you.” Sera replies with a grin.

She picks up her fox from Inky’s arms, rubbing her thumb over the fox’s long neck until she sees those large beady eyes close for a nap. Inky has a point, this thing is definitely deserves to be spoiled.

“How are you never scared?” Sera finally asks.

“Who said I wasn’t?” Tali raises a brow.

Sometimes when Sera looks at the Inquisitor, all she sees is that blinding beam of light. That arcane sword coming from the top of her bow. That shining blade was the one thing that Sera saw clearly in the Fade, and the first thing that she saw when she got her vision back from the Nightmare Demon. She was saved at that moment.

“Don’t know! It just looks like that.” Sera whispers, swallowing a knot in her throat.

“I do get scared.” Tali asserts, running her hand over the fox’s spine. “Leading groups of more than five isn’t a skill taught to you in Dalish school.” She snorts, feeling an itch in her own throat. “Negotiating, only came to me by trading with humans. Most clans don’t do that.” She sighs. “The secret is that I force myself to smile, or else I’ll make things become much worse for everyone.”

“Hmph.” Sera nods, one of the few times she lacks the words.

Her eyes follow the circular motion of Inky’s hand. Up over Twinkle Toes’ front paws then down towards her stomach, then repeats. She keeps wrangling for excuses to just grab it, always wanting to get closer to the heart inked on top. She probably shouldn’t, Inky is already closer than Sera wants her too be, she already thinks about their leader too much.

Sera reaches for the hand, suddenly her thumb now feels the need to rub the heart inked there.

She smiles, admiring the intricate curves of Inky’s vallaslin. “You’re hands are so warm.”

“That’s why I don’t sleep in a room where half the walls are windows.” Tali throws back a cheeky smirk.

“Shut up. You!” Sera squeezes Tali’s hand tighter, her lungs filling up with laugher.

#i wanted fluff #but got awkward angst!#They're idiots but they tryyyyy #taliesen lavellan #sera dragon age #sera x lavellan #seravellan #dragon age dwc

5 notes · View notes

sharkdream3421 · 2 years

Text

The Next Step - Male Qunari OC X Human Female Reader

OC status:

Name: Aladan

Race: Qunari

Gender: Male

Age: 30

Personality: He’s a nice, kind, trustworthy, and a bold soul. He’s willing to help people when ever he can.

Background: He’s an outcast by the Qunari and used to be a mercenary before the inquisition, but he’s trying to put that life behind him. Although, if someone will ask him questions about his past life he’ll gladly tell them.

~~~~

You knew Aladan was flirting with you, but you didn't know why exactly? He could have anyone in the inquisition. He could have Cassandra, Dorian, or even Josephine. You asked if Aladan had been flirting with anyone, but Josephine said yes.

You weren't sure if she was having feelings for him, but you hoped that wasn't the case. You were a human and was Cassandra's cousin. You weren't really tied to your beliefs as she was, but you definitely had some general knowledge on human's beliefs.

You saw Aladan sitting in his throne thinking deeply. The man looked imposing. He had horns that were covered by some metal-goldish material to decorate this horns. His dark brown hair was tied into a bun on the back of his head. His pointy ears were shown on each side of his head and his mustache laid nice and bushy on his upper lip and under his nose.

The man was so interesting. On and off duty he could be seen as a bold, caring, trustworthy, and reliable person. He did put on an intimidating appearance and would raise his voice when needed to be. You asked him about his past life and he told you that he was part of a mercenary company called Valo-Kas. He told you that he led the company along with a couple humans. He told you that he still misses them though after being killed during the conclave.

One thing that Aladan had told you that broke your heart was that many were fearful of him because of his appearance. You would admit that you were a little shaken meeting him at first, but as you got to know him more he was actually very kind and sympathetic.

You remember he talked to you about Qunari religion once.

"Bull, and I talked about Qunari practices and it's interesting to say the least. But I feel kind of relieved that I'm Tal-Vashoth. The Qun sound very religious." Aladan said speaking what was in his mind to you.

You walked up to his throne and he looked up at you. He seemed to be thinking deeply about something.

"Y/N, is their something I can help you with?" He asked gently.

"Yeah kind of. Is it okay if we talk about it in your quarters?" You asked pointing to the door that led to his private quarters.

"Of course," Aladan replied as he stood up from his throne.

The man was a couple inches taller than you, and he was super strong for sure. When you were out on the battlefield, you saw Aladan's muscular build. Just seeing his pectorals alone would make you blush. You could see them appear through the blue, fantasy, shirt he wore.

When you both finally walked on over to the balcony that you both stood at. You put your hands on the railing, and you thought about his actions.

"Aladan, I've noticed it okay?"

You took your hands and turned to look at his face.

"I know that you've been flirting with me. Why?"

Aladan didn't shake or quiver, but he looked slightly shocked.

"Is it not that simple Y/N, your a beautiful and gracious woman. I find you attractive my lady." Aladan said smiling.

You tried to take a deep breath, but failed as a red blush crept onto your cheeks.

"Aladan, I want to be with you. Trust me I do, but aren't you flirting with Josephine too?" You asked with a skeptical look on your face.

Aladan walked up to you and put one of his big sized hands on you shoulder.

"I know it might look like I'm flirting with her Y/N, but you are mistaken. I was only just trying to be more polite to her. She's done so much for the inquisition and I just want to express my gratitude to her even more. You are the same as well, I noticed that you've been working yourself really hard on the battlefield and I admire your courage and determination Y/N, and all of that has only made me fall for you." Aladan explained.

You were a little shocked by his admiration for you. You blushed a little.

"Aladan, could you bend down just a little." You asked.

Aladan accepted as he bent down to somewhat reach your height.

You went up to him and kissed him deeply on his brown lips. They felt a little moist and slightly rubbery. You put your hand on the back of his head as Aladan wrapped a large arm around your waist as you both continued kissing.

When you both separated you both looked in each others eyes. Your (colored) eyes locked in with his grey ones.

"Aladan, I love you so much. Although, I do ask can we take our relationship slow?" You said looking up at him as you fidgeted with your hands.

Aladan took one of your hands and kissed the center of your palm. He then put it on the side of his face. You could feel his cool skin, that was brushed up against by the wind.

"Of course Y/N, it's okay. We can take it slow and steady if you need to."

Masterlist

#qunari #dragon age #dragon age inquisition #qunari x reader #qunari oc #human reader

4 notes · View notes

pinkbalrog · 2 years

Text

I posted 22,990 times in 2022

That's 1,654 more posts than 2021!

63 posts created (0%)

22,927 posts reblogged (100%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@lokidokeyartichoki

@moonchild-starlight

@mikkeneko

@merinnan

@bdigfreakingwooper

I tagged 6,831 of my posts in 2022

#dracula daily - 449 posts

#the untamed - 389 posts

#art - 359 posts

#tma - 257 posts

#dracula - 241 posts

#obi wan kenobi - 192 posts

#star wars - 185 posts

#critical role - 183 posts

#jonathan harker - 152 posts

#fanart - 149 posts

Longest Tag: 139 characters

#he's a very strong man to still be going after all the shit that's happened to him but humans are squishy and soft beings and he is a human

My Top Posts in 2022:

Not sure honestly why the Mighty Nein are apparently so many people's favorite campaign? I mean, I'm not going to judge the players. It's their game, they're having fun. It's whatevs. That it's not my favorite is fine, the chaos just doesn't appeal to me much. Anyway, I'm glad first and foremost that the players had fun and shared it with us. It just will never be my cup of tea. Caduceus totally is (I love all of Tal's characters) but alas I adore structure.

12 notes - Posted March 6, 2022

Okay, so Malevolent isn't in the same tier as TMA, so there's that (and that's okay). I'm a sucker for the poetry though. Another blog called its use "earnest" and I have to agree. I kind of love that. Poetry is absolutely about conveying humanity. Also, the podcast is bringing into play something I saw in the Lucifer comics, where a man's memory of murders he committed is excised, and the reader is asked to consider if that was right, if forgiveness and punishment both or either achieve anything. The podcasts structure and pacing could be better, but I am still engaged. So good job, Harlan! Props to you for making an excellent podcast with great sound. That's a massive undertaking and very admirable. Thanks to @donnovien for the correction! I shouldn't assume all podcasts have large casts etc.

15 notes - Posted August 29, 2022

So, that short story. It's sad. I'm happy to have read it.

24 notes - Posted April 10, 2022

Officially a child of the night for re: Dracula! Woooooo!

41 notes - Posted October 3, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

I think you can say what you will about The Legend of Vox Machina regarding the difficulty in translating a massive live improv campaign (notably a campaign that is fun for the players first and foremost). Characters and arcs will not be the same, some humor won't translate, and game mechanics won't contribute the structure they do in the live show (which can be good or bad).

But it is a darn good adaptation full of love. Everyone involved appears to be appreciated and acknowledged, or atleast they do a far better job of it than most. There is skill and consideration for both character development and the preferences of the Players who created and played those characters. Side note, from a creator stand point, seeing how they chose to portray these stories in a new medium with different constraints and benefits is FASCINATING.

Also, it's really fun, and really pretty and I love it. Do I like everything? No, and that's okay.

What I really really like is that it is a show for table top players full of recognizable moments and that just makes me all warm and fuzzy inside.

Also Percy my beloved. You know, because.

186 notes - Posted February 18, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#tumblr2022 #year in review #my 2022 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review #not sure what my longest tag is from?#anyway #thank you all of the blogs I follow and all my followers!#it was a good year

1 note · View note

motherjoel · 4 years

Text

cup of sugar (spencer reid x fem!reader)

summary: after finding out that your cat needs to be put down, the last thing you expect is a visit from your handsome neighbor who just needs a cup of sugar

category: fluff, light angst (about the cat lol)

warnings/includes: death of an animal, needles

wc: 6.6k

a/n: this is my submission for the @veraiconcos writer challenge! hope you guys like it :)

Your eyes were blurred with tears the whole drive home from the vet. You tried your best to refrain from looking back at your sick cat (who you had lovingly named after Fantine from Les Mis), but you stole a few glances at her while trying to concentrate on the road. Eventually, you made it home safely and you grabbed the crate from your backseat to bring it up to your apartment.

The vet had said she was nearing the end of her life, and it was only a matter of time before she passed. You had scheduled to put her down in a few days and your heart wrenched for the poor kitty. She wasn’t anything special on the outside, just a brown short-haired cat you could see on the street, but to you she was everything. She had been sitting right next to your car parking spot for months before you actually took her in- you fed her and gradually began to pet her before you decided to take her inside your home and show her the love she deserved. You’d been through a lot with her and you weren’t ready to say goodbye, but you didn’t want to prolong her suffering, So, you decided to spend every moment with her until your appointment.

You set down the crate and let her out, and she sluggishly made her way to her coveted position on your couch. You had yet to cease crying- every time you looked at her you welled up at the thought of losing her. Right as you were about to take a seat next to her, you heard a tentative knock from your door. With a sigh, you wiped your tears and made your way to open it. Looking in the mirror before opening the door, it was obvious you were crying. You didn’t care, however, as you swung it open to see a lanky man holding a measuring cup with flour in his hair and adorning his sweater. Not just any lanky man- it was the lanky man you had developed a bit of a crush on. You saw him some days when you got back from work collecting his mail, and you couldn’t help but be interested in the mystery guy from apartment 202.

“Hi, I was just baking some cookies and I realized I was out of su- are you okay?” he asked with concern. You almost laughed at the ridiculousness of the situation.

“Uh, yeah, sorry, I just got back from the vet. Looks like I have to put my cat down,” you deadpanned. Your tears had stopped falling at this point.

“Oh gosh, I- I’m so sorry. Um, forget about the sugar I can just go to the store,” he turned on his heel and made his way back to his apartment.

“No, it's fine!” you called after him. He turned around with a grimace. “It’s okay, I have plenty of sugar, please, come in,” you opened the door wider for him to cautiously make his way into your apartment. You didn’t want to admit it, but this tiny bit of human interaction really helped you get your mind off of your current situation- it was normally just you and Fantine, so if you could make a friend in the meantime, you would try your best.

“Thank you,” he said as you made your way into the kitchen, petting Fantine on the way in. He took a glance at her before returning his gaze to you. “Is that, uh, the cat?” he asked, and you could tell he wasn’t great with comforting people in sad situations.

“Yeah, that's my Fantine,” you said, reaching into your cabinet to get the jar of sugar.

“Les Miserables?” he asked, a glint of recognition in his eyes. You smiled.

“Yes! Good to know I'm neighbors with someone of culture,” you laughed, your heart feeling light for the first time that day. “You can pet her if you'd like,” you told him before grabbing the measuring cup from him and turning to fill it with sugar. He smiled in response, keeping his hands to himself. “Allergic?” you asked, wondering if the handsome stranger maybe just wasn’t a cat person.

“Oh no, sorry, I just have a germ… thing,” he said, nervously rubbing his palms on his pants. You simply nodded and shut the jar of sugar, making your way back to him and giving him the measuring cup.

“So, you know my cat's name, but not mine. I’m Y/N, by the way,” you offered, not reaching out your hand when you remember his previous statement about germs.

“Spencer, I live next door,” he said, seeming relieved at your neglect to shake his hand. You didn't have time to say anything else before a colorfully dressed woman in a “kiss the cook” apron barged into your apartment- you noticed that you had left the door open after letting Spencer in.

“What's taking you so long G man? The butter is burning!” she exclaimed, before noticing your cat on the couch. “Oh. My. God. Now who is this sweetie pie?” she asked, running to your couch and lovingly petting her.

“Fantine,” Spencer answered, looking at you with a blush.

“She is the sweetest thing I have ever seen. I am obsessed,” she cooed.

“That's Penelope,” Spencer said, widening his eyes at her when she seemed to get comfortable on your couch.

“Nice to meet you Penelope, I’m Y/N,” you introduced, making your way over to your couch.

“Oh, right, sorry,” she extended her hand and you took it. “I’ve had too much cold brew today and I am feeling a little energetic,” she laughed. You liked her jittery manner- she seemed like someone you’d want to be friends with. “How old is she?” Penelope asked, innocently. You tried to hide the way your face fell at the question, but it was obvious that it saddened you. Spencer noticed.

“Um, I actually took her in off the street so I really don’t know. She’s old, though,” you said, looking down at your tired kitty. “I actually have to… put her down in a few days,” you said, ignoring your voice crack. Without a word, you were pulled into a tight and unexpected hug. Penelope's arms were wrapped around you, leaving little room to breathe. You didn’t mind the human contact. You even let a few tears drop, having held them back for the duration of their visit. A warm hand rested on your shoulder- a warm hand that was tentative and bigger than Penelope's ones that rubbed your back. You looked up to see Spencer awkwardly attempting to comfort you. In a bold move, you rested your cheek on his hand, as if you were thanking him. Penelope pulled away after a minute, wiping her own tears from her eyes.

“Well, what an introduction that was!” she laughed through her tears, you joined her. You heard Spencer clear his throat, like he was preparing to speak.

“What if- what if we finish the baking over here?” he asked, hope in his eyes. Before you could answer, he began to ramble. “Studies show that human contact or even just being in the presence of other people can help with grieving, and-” he was cut off by Penelope.

“And we don't want to leave you alone right now. I mean, we’ve cried together already. We’re basically best friends,” Penelope said, resting a hand on your arm. You didn’t even have to contemplate the offer.

“Yeah, of course! I’d really like that,” you smiled at the two of them, who exchanged a glance.

“Great! Me and Spencer will go get the ingredients from his apartment, you just stay here with Fantine being your cute selves,” she said, dragging Spencer out by his arm and shutting the door gently behind her. You were in for an interesting night.

Spencer couldn’t help but blush at the thought of spending the rest of his night in your apartment. With Penelope, of course. He had seen you before- he didn’t know your name until today, but he had a bit of a crush on you. From the moment he first saw you feeding Fantine when she was still a stray, he fell for your gentle aura. He's not stalking you, he swears he isn't, but he subconsciously remembered your schedule. He just so happened to get his mail at 6:17 every day he was home when he knew you’d be coming back from work. And he just drove out of his way to see you feed that cat every once in a while. Not an obsession.

Penelope was the first to find out about his little crush. When she came to Spencer’s apartment to pick him up for some nerd convention, she noticed him staring at you as they drove away. You were sitting on the ground, pushing a bowl of food towards a tentative cat (who he now knew as Fantine) and he couldn’t help but let his gaze linger a moment too long. Penelope immediately gasped and called him out.

“You-you… and her! She's so pretty Reid! And good with animals! Get married, right now,” she had said after watching him long for you.

“I’m not- were not,” he stuttered, Penelope shot him a knowing glare. “She doesn’t even know who I am. I don’t even know her name, I just… I just notice her, sometimes…” Spencer confessed, looking down at his twiddling thumbs. Penelope didn’t tease him too much after that, but she smirked the entire car ride there.

The rest of the team found out about his crush shortly after (thanks Garcia) and the teasing was relentless. Sure, you didn’t even know his name, but he wanted you to. Boy did he want you to. But he didn’t plan on acting on it- at least, not until he had Garcia over to bake cookies for the team. She had insisted that she come over to bake, much to Spencer's chagrin. Little did he know, she was only so insistent because she had a secret plan. A secret love plan.

Her plan had worked so far- hiding the sugar and getting Spencer to ask the pretty neighbor for some, check. Well, she didn’t have much of a plan past that, but she assumed she’d figure it out when it came down to it- and so far so good. Once she had pulled Spencer back into his apartment, he began to pace around in nervousness- Penelope was jumping in excitement.

“Reid and Y/N sitting in a tree!” she sang happily.

“What does that mean?” Spencer asked, slightly irritated.

“You mean, you don't know… Never mind,” she sighed.

“Garcia what the hell were you thinking! I can’t talk to her all night, I’ll find a way of looking like an idiot,” he sighed in exasperation, trying to make his sweaty hands less sweaty by rubbing them on his pants.

“Reid, Reid, Reid,” she repeated like a mantra, following his pacing and trying to calm him down. “It’s going to be okay. Seriously, you have the best wing woman on planet earth and you’re worried about whether or not she’ll like you? Please, you’re a catch baby! And she will see that tonight,” she said, eventually getting him to stop moving by placing her hands on his shoulders.

After she had calmed him down, the two gathered all of the ingredients and made the trip next door, where you were waiting on the couch with Fantine in your lap. You looked lost in thought, but you quickly jumped out of it and gave them a smile when they walked in.

“So, what are we baking?” you asked, standing up and grabbing some ingredients off of Spencer’s hands. He hoped you didn’t notice his flinch when your fingers brushed his (you did) and he hoped you didn’t see the red on his cheeks (you did, but you looked similarly tomato-like).

“We are making my famous brown butter chocolate chip cookies!” Penelope exclaimed, already measuring out some ingredients.

“Ooh yummy! What makes them famous?” you asked.

“Oh, you’ll know once you taste them. Just ask Spencer, he could eat 7 in just one sitting,” she joked. Best wing woman on planet earth my ass, Spencer thought.

“Oh really, Spence? I bet you I can beat that tonight,” you giggled, moving to help measure the brown sugar. Maybe Penelope was doing an okay job after all.

“Did you know that the first chocolate cookies were invented by accident by Ruth Wakefield in 1938?” he asked, and you shook your head.

“No, but tell me more!” you smiled, returning your attention to the measuring cup in front of you. He faltered for a moment, surprised at your eagerness to hear more about his facts, but he continued.

“Ruth and her husband owned the Toll House Inn and she was baking cookies for their guests when she realized that she was out of bakers chocolate. So, when she chopped up a block of Nestle semi-sweet chocolate and added it to the dough, she expected it to disperse evenly throughout, but instead they retained their original form and.. you know. Chocolate chip cookies,” he finished weakly, looking up to see you staring at him in awe. Penelope was unphased, having been around boy genius for far too long, but you were looking at him like he had just found the secret to world peace. “What?” he asked tentatively, suddenly extremely self conscious.

“Sorry, it’s just, that was so cool! I’ve never seen someone recite facts like that. Plus, you’re a great story teller,” you finished, nudging him with your arm. Oh god, you were too cute. He tried his best not to smile like an insane person as he walked between you and Penelope to open the bag of chocolate chips.

“Yup, our boy genius here has an IQ of 187,” Penelope said, patting Spencer on the head. You laughed for a moment, assuming she was joking, but when you saw the dead serious look on their faces you were shocked.

“You mean I was living next door to a superhero all this time and I never knew?” you asked, still in shock from the previous information. Spencer laughed, and it was music to your ears.

“Well, I'm not- I'm not a superhero,” he rubbed the back of his neck, suddenly embarrassed by the attention.

“Oh yeah? What do you do for a living?” you asked, expecting he was some sort of mad scientist. Penelope snorted a laugh. “What?” you smiled.

“Well, I work with the Behavioral Analysis Unit of the FBI, so does Penelope,” he said, and you didn’t seem to know what that was, so he continued. “We… we profile serial killers based off of their actions and eventually we catch them before they can cause any more harm,” he explained, trying to distract himself by eating the chocolate chips in front of him (and having his hand promptly swatted by Garcia). Your mouth opened even wider than before, if possible.

“Spencer. You are a superhero!” you said in shock, grabbing his arm with excitement. He gasped at the contact- he didn’t not like it. He was just surprised. You noticed his reaction, however, and apologized quickly.

“Oh, sorry,” you blushed.

“No it's okay!” he said, slightly too eager. You smiled and nodded, and he felt relieved.

“Penelope, do you tackle the serial killers too?” you asked, wondering if the ball of sunshine had an angry side.

“Oh heavens no. I’m the techie, I basically dig up all the dirt you could ever possibly need. Basically a gardener,” she remarked, and you couldn't help but smile.

“I’m friends with superheroes,” you said, doing a little dance in your spot while pouring some flour into the mixer. Spencer melted.

“Wrong,” said Penelope. “You're best friends with some superheroes.”

You spent the rest of the night laughing and chatting with your new best friends, and eventually feasting on the cookies on your couch next to Fantine, who was sleeping peacefully. You tried to break Spencer's record of 7 cookies, but tapped out after 4. Despite the upsetting news you had received earlier that night, you were extremely happy. As you waved them goodbye, and even hugged Spencer goodnight, your heart was full. You had both of their phone numbers and you planned to text them sometime soon- you didn’t want that to be the last you saw of Penelope and Spencer.

You awoke the next morning with a pit in your stomach. You couldn’t tell exactly why, but you had the feeling that something was going to happen today. Trying not to dwell on it, however, you began to get ready for the day. You worked a 9-5 job as a secretary at a local law office- this wasn’t your end goal career, but something to pay the bills. You went to say goodbye to Fantine when you noticed something was wrong. She was having difficulty breathing, every breath was labored. Your heart dropped when you realized this was the cause of your pit- you were saying goodbye to your kitty today. You hurried to grab her crate, hastily wiping away your tears, and ushered her inside. You didn’t know if you would even be able to see the road in your state, so without thinking, you knocked on the door next to yours and waited for a moment, tears continuously streaming. Spencer swung the door open, his face immediately falling when he saw you.

“Y/N, what’s- what’s wrong?” he asked, seemingly ready to leave for work. You couldn’t find any words as you gently set down her crate and wrapped your arms around Spencer's waist. He was shocked at this, but he comforted you once he got his bearings. His hand rubbed your back as you cried into his sweater vest, not worried about the scene you were causing in the middle of the hallway.

“It’s- its Fantine,” you sobbed into his chest. “I think she needs to be put down today,” you told him, pulling away slightly and wiping your tears.

“Oh Y/N, i'm so sorry,” he said, and he truly meant it. Seeing you upset like this sent a dagger through his heart. He contemplated for a moment before he spoke again. “Why don't I… drive you to the vet? I want to make sure you get there okay,” he said, voice laced with concern.

“Don’t you have to catch the bad guys?” you asked as an attempt at a joke to lighten the mood, but neither of you had the energy to laugh.

“It’s just a paperwork day today, I’ll call Penelope and let her know I won't make it in,” he said, quickly gathering his phone and his car keys. You nodded, not finding your voice in the moment. You followed him down to his car and he opened the backseat door for you to put the crate in. He guided you to the passenger's seat, placing a soft hand on the small of your back as he opened the door for you. As he jogged around to the driver's seat and pulled away, you opened your GPS app to give him the directions. The two of you sat in silence for a few minutes, apart from your occasional directing. You suddenly felt extremely guilty for letting him drive you.

“This is ridiculous, I’m sorry for ruining your day. I’m just super dramatic about things and you probably have better things to do then take your neighbor and her sick cat to the vet,” you apologized, feeling embarrassed by your actions.

“Don’t be ridiculous, Y/N. You’re entitled to your grief, and I just want to be there for you… to, you know, help you with it,” he said, glancing at you occasionally. “I’ve never had a pet before and I don’t normally like animals, but I know how attached we can get to things,” he said, focusing on the road. You nodded and with a bout of confidence, you reached over and grabbed his hand, resting your entwined fingers on the center console. His eyes widened, but he didn’t let go. His knowledge of germs had completely left him- he was being touched by the girl who he’d been pining after for months, and he wasn’t going to let a little germaphobia get in the way. You noticed his reaction, but you blushed as you looked out the window, seeing the animal hospital come into view. You sighed and removed your hand from his and opened your door, grabbing the crate from the back seat and walking towards the entrance. You noticed that Spencer was standing outside his car, unsure of what to do.

“Do you- would you come in with me?” you asked, hoping he’d say yes. “I just… they’ll probably put her down and I don't want to be alone,” you asked with unintentional puppy dog eyes. Spencer thought for a moment- walking into a hospital full of sick animals with many diseases seemed like the absolute last thing he wanted to do. But when he looked at your pleading eyes, he knew that he couldn’t just wait in the car.

“Of course,” he conceded, locking his car and following you inside the clinic.

You met with the vet quickly and your suspicions were correct- poor Fantine was suffering and the best option was to put her down now. Your heart shattered, but you felt Spencer's comforting hand on your back, trying to glue those pieces back together. The vet had given you the option to either stay with her while she was put down or to wait in the other room.

“I think I want to be with her, I don’t want her to be alone,” you said, wiping away a stray tear.

“Will your boyfriend be coming too?” the vet asked, turning his attention to Spencer. Neither of you acknowledged the boyfriend title. He was about to answer when you interrupted him.

“Oh Spence, don’t worry about coming in. I’ve already dragged you here, you can just wait in the other room if you want,” you offered, sincerely. Spencer could see that you wanted him to stay- that you wanted him to comfort you. So, pushing his anti-germ rules aside once again, he made up his mind.

“Of course I’m coming with you Y/N, I told you I wouldn’t leave you alone,” he decided, and you gave him a grateful but sad smile.

So, as you said your tearful goodbyes, the vet took out his needle and began the process. Spencer rubbed your back, eventually wrapping his arms around you as you sobbed. You could swear you felt a kiss on the head, but you were mainly focused on your cat. You decided to get her cremated, and as Spencer guided you out of the clinic, you felt extremely empty. You missed your best friend already.

The drive home was mainly silent, and you wanted to grab his hand again. You decided against it, however- you thought you might have pushed his limits of touch and germs today (you hadn’t. Spencer decided that he would never be tired of your touch). You made your way up to your apartment, empty crate in hand, with Spencer following a few steps behind. He walked you to your door, stopping outside when you unlocked it. He put his anxious hands in his pockets, trying his best not to fidget (and also trying to prevent himself from reaching out to wipe your tears).

“So…” you said, looking at your feet.

“Yeah, so…” he said, doing the same.

“Listen Spencer, I know we’ve just met and-and you're probably tired of me already, but… this is my first night without her, and I don't want to be lonely. I know this is a lot to ask, especially after I dragged you around all day, but… if I asked you to stay, would you?” you said, shyly looking up at him. Spencer could feel his heart stutter, looking at you softly.

“Uh, yeah. Yes, yes I will,” he responded, offering a nervous smile. You gave him one back, unlocking your door and letting him inside your apartment. It already felt different without her, but the presence of Spencer did a little to fill that void. You ushered him to sit down on the couch and you moved to make some tea for the both of you. You didn’t notice Spencer internally freaking out about being in your apartment, this time alone. You made the tea in silence and brought it to the couch, sitting next to him.

“Can I braid your hair?” you asked, surprising even yourself by your bluntness.

“Can you- what?” he asked, face twisting in confusion. He didn’t know if he could handle your hands in his hair, but he wanted to find out. You laughed at his confusion, almost spilling the tea on yourself.

“Come onnn, I’m a grieving cat mother who wants to braid your hair. It would look so pretty,” you told him, and although it wasn’t a direct complement, Spencer couldn’t help the blush that spread across his face.

“Uh, sure I guess,” he said, heart rate picking up.

“Yay! Okay, you’re tall so sit on the ground and I'll stay on the couch,” you said, clapping your hands excitedly as he set his tea down on your coffee table and sat on your carpeted floor. You didn’t waste any time, sectioning his hair into sections for a french braid. You noticed him shiver at your touch. “Sorry, are my hands cold?” you almost whispered, too deep in concentration.

“No, they’re fine,” he said, closing his eyes as you ran your hands through his hair.

“You have good hair, Spence,” you told him as you worked on the short braid. He almost choked on his own tongue.

“Oh, thanks. You do too…” he said, not registering his complement before it came out of his mouth.

“Thank you,” you blushed, focusing on your handiwork. It didn’t take you long to finish, and when you turned him around to observe the braid, you couldn’t help the squeal that escaped your throat. “Oh my gosh, you look so good!” you exclaimed, pulling your phone out of your pocket and taking a selfie of the two of you. He smiled awkwardly for the camera. “Penelope is going to love this,” you said, typing her contact in the phone. Spencer knew that the picture would soon be seen by the entire BAU, but he let it go when he saw you smile genuinely for the first time that day. You held your phone out to him for him to see the picture.

“Don’t we look cute?” you smiled.

“Yes, you- I mean we do,” he said, hoping you didn’t catch his slip. You did.

“Spence?” you asked, contemplating something. He looked up at you.

“Yes?” he asked, wondering what you were thinking about.

“What do you do when you’re sad? Because when I used to get sad, I’d just cuddle with Fantine, but…” you trailed off, your eyes glazing over as you thought about her again.

“You can cuddle with me,” he said. You looked at him, eyes wide- he didn’t think he had said that out loud. “I mean… physical touch increases levels of dopamine and serotonin, so if we were to… you know… uh maybe it would make you feel better?” he said, scratching the back of his neck. You smiled and pulled him back on the couch. He sat there as you put your head on his chest, his arm tentatively reaching around your shoulders. You chose to ignore his increased heartbeat, which he was sure you could hear.

“Do you think… does it get better?” you asked, eyes brimming with tears. “I mean, will I ever miss her less? Will it hurt less eventually?” you finished with a sigh. Spencer thought back to all of the pain he's been through and the ways he’s dealt with it. He’s learned some healthy coping mechanisms, as well as some extremely unhealthy ones. He thought deeply before answering.

“I think… we make room for the hurt. I don’t think it ever goes away, but you learn to cope and deal with it to the point where you feel better. Eventually,” he explained as delicately as possible. You lifted your head from his chest and gazed into his eyes to see he was already looking back at you. He could feel himself leaning in, and you responded by doing the same. You were both inches away from each other when you heard a sharp knock on your door. The both of you jumped at the noise, flustered, as if you had been caught.

“I’ll… go get that,” you said, quickly getting off of the couch and running to the door. Spencer mentally facepalmed himself- you were grieving and he thought the perfect moment to make his move was while he was comforting you. Although, you had seemed to reciprocate the feelings…

“Penelope!” you yelled, opening the door to be immediately greeted with a bear hug.

“Y/N, my sweet sweet Y/N,” she cried into your shoulder. You pat her back, consoling her (this woman was one hell of an empath). You made eye contact with Spencer over her shoulder, giving him a wide eyed stare, both of you amused by Garcia’s antics. She pulled away and looked at you sadly.

“What are you doing here?” Spencer asked, trying his best to sound like he wanted her there.

“Well, I heard about the sad day you guys were having so I brought some medicine to fix your broken hearts,” she said while pulling out a couple bottles of wine, warm cookies in her other hand.

“You’re a godsend Penelope Garcia,” you smiled, taking the wine and cookies into the kitchen. Garcia took this moment to grill Spencer about their day, quietly enough so you couldn’t hear.

“Soo you’ve been with her all day? Spill, I need to hear if i'm gonna have baby boy geniuses,” she said excitedly. Spencer chuckled.

“Well, the animal clinic wasn’t exactly the most romantic setting but…” he trailed off and she urged him to continue. “But, we were inches away from kissing when you decided to knock on the door,” he said, and Penelope looked distraught.

“Oh my god. I have to leave, you guys have to get back to it!” she said, standing up to go home. Spencer grabbed her arm and stopped her before she could tell you she was leaving.

“No no no! Please don't, if you leave now i'm going to have to face the awkward aftermath of… that, and I don't want to,” he said, almost begging.

“So… what you’re saying is… you need wing woman Garcia again!” she suggested, excitedly. Spencer didn’t have time to disagree before you came back in the room, cookies on a plate and balancing three wine glasses in your hand and a bottle in the crook of your arm. Spencer hopped up to help you carry everything, and Garcia did little to hide her smirk.

The rest of the night was spent cheering you up- from Taylor Swift dance parties to Disney karaoke, Penelope pulled out all the stops to make it a night to remember. After a few glasses, you had even managed to get Spencer to dance with you to a slower song, Penelope slyly recording the entire thing. Spencer didn’t care, however- all he focused on was the buzzing in his chest and your arms around his neck, his entire body tingling with excitement.

As you said your goodbyes to the duo, you pulled Penelope into a hug and gave her a kiss on the cheek. You did the same for Spencer, but your kiss had landed closer to the corner of his lips. In your buzzed state, however, you didn’t acknowledge it (or the fact that you had done it on purpose). Spencer left that night with a fire in his heart and his hand rested on his lips. After a bit of teasing, Garcia took an Uber home and Spencer was left alone to contemplate his next move.

The next day, the team was called in for a case across the country- Penelope had made sure you knew this in your group text with her and Spencer that she had so lovingly named “Penny and the Jets” (the three of you had also danced to a few Elton John songs during your night together, which gave Garcia the genius grouchat name idea). It was weird for you to be alone after having spent the past few days with your new friends, and you missed the distraction. You went back to work, only being lightly reprimanded for your absence. You couldn’t help but think about Spencer’s smile most of the day, or the way he always smelled like coffee.

Across the country, Spencer had been doing the same thing, and the team had noticed. He was more spaced out than usual, and it was only a matter of time before he confessed to the team that he’d finally talked to you. Derek proudly patted him on the back when he described what it was like to spend a day with you. The team was incredibly happy for him- although they weren’t shocked. Penelope had already forwarded them the video of you both dancing and the selfie you had taken with his braided hair.

The case had finished relatively quickly, which was a relief to everyone (but especially Spencer, who wanted to make plans to see you as soon as he got back). As the team was walking together to their SUVs, Spencer's eye was drawn to a box on the sidewalk. Not just his eyes were drawn- he had heard a soft “mew” coming from the cardboard box, and he let his curiosity get the best of him as he walked over to it, Emily following him to see what he was doing. He opened the box to see a tiny kitten- he wasn’t normally an animal person, but it seemed like you had gotten to him. His heart wrenched at the sight- the kitten looked like a mini Fantine.

“Oh my gosh, that is so cute,” Emily said, leaning down to get a closer look, snapping a picture for Garcia.

“Yeah, it is,” Spencer said, lost in thought. The rest of the team came to see what the big fuss was about.

“Someone should take her!” said Prentiss, giving the team a look that said help me out. Reid should take her.

“Ah, yes. Hey, pretty boy, why don’t you take it?” Derek asked, leaning down to get a closer look. Spencer shook his head.

“I can’t take care of a cat, Morgan. Prentiss, why don’t you take it? You have Sergio,” he suggested, trying to get the attention off of him.

“Eh, one is enough for me,” she responded, nudging JJ.

“Spence, why don’t you give it to your neighbor? I’m sure Y/N would love her,” JJ suggested. Spencer's heart stuttered at your name.

“Y-you think?” he asked, unsure if it was too forward. The team wouldn’t let him leave without the cat, which he had already named Cosette in his mind (the name of Fantine’s daughter). So, he picked up the box and brought it with him onto the jet. This was the most spontaneous Spencer had ever been, and the team shared glances of shock and pride when he interacted with the kitten on the jet ride back.

Here Spencer waited, outside your door, holding the tiny kitten in his arms. He had taken it to the vet to make sure it had its shots and was able to be kept as a house pet, and he immediately came home to give it to you. It was around 7 PM so he knew you should be home (not that he was being creepy- his eidetic memory couldn’t help but memorize your schedule). After a few minutes of standing, he swallowed his nerves and knocked on your door, quickly bringing his hand back to support the kitten he was holding.

You opened the door in your sweats, your hair dripping wet from the shower you had just taken. You were apparently on the phone before you opened the door- “I gotta go,” you said, hanging up the call and tossing your phone on the couch.

“Spence, what are you doing here? And who's this?” you said with heart eyes, ushering him in and cooing at the small kitten. He had never seen you smile this wide before, and he knew he was making the right choice.

“Uh, her name is Cosette. Well, I gave her that name, you can definitely change if you want, because she's.. yours,” he said. Your mouth hung open in shock as you took the small kitty from him, rubbing your nose on her head.

“Are you serious?” you almost yelled, excitement taking over. Spencer nodded happily, watching you pet the kitten. “Oh my god, you’re the best!” you said, pulling him into a one handed hug, the other arm holding Cosette. He laughed and hugged you back, before the unexpected happened. Maybe you were just extremely grateful, or maybe the adrenaline was taking over, but you stood on your tiptoes and pressed a kiss onto his lips. Just like that. Like it was natural, like you had kissed Spencer a million times over. After you pulled away, he was extremely flustered. He pressed his hand to his lips, as if he was trying to figure out what just happened.

“I’m sorry,” you apologized, thinking that he was upset with you. In all fairness, you didn’t expect to kiss him either- you just couldn’t help yourself. This seemed to wake him from his daze.

“No, don’t apologize! I’ve, uh, I've been wanting to do that for awhile now,” he blushed, shoving his hands into his pockets. You smiled at this, feeling confident that you had made the right choice.

“Penelope is going to be thrilled,” you laughed, sitting on the floor and setting Cosette down to play with one of the cat toys you still had laying around.

“What do you mean?” Spencer asked, sitting next to you with his legs crossed.

“Well… she told me that I should make a move because you never would, and I thought that it was impossible for someone like you to like me, but she seemed pretty adamant that you did,” you said, focusing on the animal in front of you rather than the man. This shocked him- you didn't think he would like you? That seemed insane to him, and he made sure you knew that.

“Are you kidding me Y/N? You’re so cool, you get along with people and you’re not awkward, and you’re so caring, I just… how could I not like you?” he asked, petting the kitten as well. Now it was your turn to blush. You didn’t know how you could be so lucky to have these people come into your life at the perfect time.

You and Spencer spent the rest of the day together, once again. You stole a few more kisses, and Spencer was even bold enough to initiate one or two, and your heart finally felt full. You knew things would be okay now- you had two new friends (and a furry roommate) to prove it.

#vicficwriterchallenge #spencer reid #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid fanfiction #spencer reid fluff #spencer reid/reader #Criminal Minds #criminal minds fanfiction #criminal minds reid #criminal minds spencer reid #penelope garcia #derek morgan #emily prentiss #jennifer jareau #david rossi #aaron hotchner #hotch

639 notes · View notes

aslitheryprinx · 3 years

Note

Fake Fic Titles:

You Look So Different When You're Sleeping

Under The Moonlight

Please Don't Leave Me

There's A Monster in the Sky, in the Wood, in the Fields

These prompts are all so good!! Again, I kind of wrote a LOT for this lol. I hope you enjoy!

CW: some fear and panic, sacrifice.

Nothing too dark this time.

You look so different when you're sleeping

A borrower is rarely active during the day. It is much safer to borrow when the humans are asleep, less likely to see you. Ranboo has no desire to borrow during the day. The very few times he's been awake while the humans were have been terrifying. He's never even had a close call; there's just something frightening about watching humans move and interact with the world, even from a hidden position. They're too fast for something so large; too attentive, too intelligent. They are loud and smart and utterly petrifying, and Ranboo will stick to borrowing at night, thank you very much.

But... In the darkness, in the peace and quiet of the night, the humans aren't quite as frightening. They're still and calm while they sleep, expressions lax and breathing deep and slow. It's almost... Peaceful seeing the giant beings so still and gentle.

He probably shouldn't be here, shouldn't be watching the human sleep with such fascination. But he's done everything thing he needs to do... And everything he doesn't need to do. He has no chores to keep him occupied, has enough food stored to last for weeks if it keeps that long. He has nothing to do, and finds himself drifting to the human's room. He climbs the nightstand, only a little nervous at how close he is to the dangerous being, and watches.

It's relaxing somehow, and the human looks much less like a dangerous threat like this. He looks more like a person. Which he is, humans are people, but it's hard to remember that when they walk past and all he can think of is how easily a single step could crush him.

He feels calmer than he has in a while, and watching someone sleep makes him sleepy. He's tempted to blink his eyes shut, but he can't while still in a dangerous place. But he's tired enough he should probably head home.

Ranboo stands up, and is about to start the climb back down the nightstand when the human shifts.

Instantly he's alert, adrenalin flooding his body. He doesn't know whether to run, try to make it to the floor before the human wakes up or to hide on the nightstand and pray he isn't seen.

He's too slow to decide, to frozen with indecision, and the humans eyes snap open. A second later, an eye half his size filled with a terrifying amount of intelligence rests on him.

There's a blink as the human registers his presence, then the human is sitting up, laser focused on him.

Ranboo trembled under the gaze, wishing he could just teleport away to safety. The human had looked much less terrifying when he was sleeping.

Under the Moonlight

Please don't leave me

Ok I'm just gonna bullet point this one lol.

Phil is an immortal with a strange curse

When he's beneath the moonlight, he can move. But when he's no longer touched by the light from the moon, he freezes into a solid statue.

This causes a lot of problems, and he's found out the hard way that's he can't die. If he's smashed to pieces, he'll just wake up beneath the next moon, completely fine.

One night when the moon is not out, a strange man finds him and takes him home.

The man, Technoblade, restores damaged statues, sculpture, and similar art in his free time, and Phil is apparently damaged enough to need restoration.

Eventually Phil is placed by a window. The problem is, the moon only shines through for less than an hour each night.

Phil needs to figure out how to escape outside in that short time frame... Without alerting the human, who seems far too perceptive.

Wilbur should've known better. Really, falling asleep while outside of the fae realm? That was just asking for trouble. Any human, or just a wild animal for that matter could stumble across him and that would be that.

At least he'd had the sense to stay in his insect form. To any passing humans, he just looked like a butterfly. Perhaps his brilliant blue wings were a little unusual, but not enough to draw suspicion.

Unfortunately, his butterfly appearance did not seem to help him any this time. Because when Wilbur woke up, he was in a jar.

He'd been caught, by a human child no less. And according to the natural laws of the world, his magic wouldn't work once he'd been trapped, not until his captor decided to release him.

Wilbur was in quite the conundrum. There was no way the kid was going to release a cool butterfly he caught. But if Wilbur revealed himself, there was no guarantee he'd want to release the even cooler fairy. Still, being in his normal form would at least give him a chance of talking his way out, and he didn't want to spend the rest of his life in a jar.

With a sigh, he shed his insect disguise. As expected the kid gasped, and gazed down at him with wide eyes.

"Woah!!!" the young human gasped, raising the jar higher and staring at Wilbur. He couldn't lie, having someone so much larger than him looking so closely at him was a little unnerving. But Wilbur put on a charming smile to talk to them.

"Hello!" He said, and the human kid grinned.

"Hi!" He replied excitedly. "You're a fairy? I've never met a fairy before! What's your name?"

Did... Did the child not know anything about fairies? Did he not know the power names held? Well if not, Wilbur certainly wasn't going to tell him. He also wasn't going to give him his full name, whether or not the kid could use it or not.

"You can call me Wilby," he said, unable to tell a complete lie. It was a little bit embarrassing to give the kid his childhood nickname, but it would do.

"Wilby," the kid repeated and despite his awkward situation, Wilbur had to fight the urge to coo. The kid didn't say his own name, however, so he decided to push slightly.

"What's yours?" He asked, not an ounce of deception in his voice.

"I'm T- uhhh I mean I can't tell you. The adults say we can't give our names to strangers."

Damn. At least he didn't know why, which meant Wilbur still might be able to get out of this.

"That's ok," he says, showing none of his disappointment. "We'll just have to become friends first."

He's a little startled when tears spring up in the kid's eyes and he sniffles. Oh dear.

"Really?" The kid asks. "You'll really be my friend, Wilby?"

That should have no right to make his heart melt. He was trapped in a jar for fuck sake! He needed the kid to free him, not make him feel soft.

"Of course," Wilbur said. "Could you let me out of the jar first?"

The kid hesitates and he fights the urge to curse. It's worth a try, but he gets the feeling it won't be that easy.

"But... if I let you out, you'll go away," the human says sadly. It's true, but Wilbur refuses to feel guilty for that fact. "And then I won't have any friends at all."

"I can't be your friend if I'm in a jar," Wilbur tries. "Then I'm just a prisoner." The kid hesitates even more.

"How about this," Wilbur hedges. If you promise to let me out, I'll be your friend."

The human lights up.

"You promise?" He asks. Wilbur words his promise very carefully, knowing he'll be held to it by his own nature.

"I promise that if you let me out, I'll be your friend," he says, and the human cheers.

"Now we're friends forever!" He says excitedly. "And I'll let you out when we get home and you can live with me and, and-"

Wilbur tunes him out. He can feel the promise taking hold, which means the kid really does intend on letting him out. Luckily being friends with someone doesn't influence his mind, but he's still in the jar.

"Hey, do you want to play a game?" He asks. The kid brightens.

"Yes! What game?" He nearly shouts.

"We'll play Simon Says," Wilbur says with a grin. The name had become commonplace, but few humans knew the origin of the game.

"Can I go first?" The kid asked. If Wilbur interpreted the question as the kid playing first rather than giving the commands then...

"Yes," he said truthfully, as all fairies must. "But we're going to play a more fun version. You use your own name instead."

"Oh," The human said, disappointed. "But I'm not supposed to tell my name to strangers."

Wilbur feels victory, tantalizingly close.

"Well we aren't strangers anymore, are we?" He asks reasonably. The child's face brightens, and he gasps in delight.

"You're right," he says. "we're friends now! My name is Tommy!"

And just like that, Wilbur has his ticket to freedom.

"Tommy," he croons, testing the power behind the name. Tommy instantly sways in place, eyes glazing over.

"Saemonsae, Tommy," Wilbur says, speaking the true name of the spell that gives him power over anyone who gives up their name. It's the easiest spell to perform; he never met another fairy who couldn't use this spell. Even while trapped, the spell was child's play.

"Open the jar, Tommy," he commands sweetly. Instantly, the child is moving, unscrewing the lid. Wilbur flutters free, heart soaring. He circles the dazed human's head a few times before landing on the lid of the jar.

If he were a crueler being, he could pay back the imprisonment a hundredfold. If he wished, he could make Tommy do anything he wanted. A dark part of him, the part that was the most instinctual part of being a fairy, wanted to. It wanted to trap the silly boy and show him that fairies weren't toys, weren't creatures to be trifled with.

The rest of him knew that Tommy was just a kid. He would make Tommy take back the deal, the one that still bound him to be the child's friend.

But... Tommy was crying. He froze, watching the kid, still under his power sniffle. Maybe he was scared? It was very likely. He didn't have control of himself anymore, and that would scare most adults.

"Wilby," Tommy sniffled. Wilbur was morbidly curious. What would the child say while scared? Would he ask to be spared? To be freed? Wilbur wouldn't hurt him regardless, but he wanted to know. He let Tommy keep talking.

"Wilby, are you leaving?" He asked, and suddenly another part of Wilbur rose up at the desperation in the child's voice. He felt his face soften, and then Tommy spoke the final words that pierced Wilbur's heart.

"Please don't leave me alone," the little human child begged. Not worried at all about Wilbur abusing the power he had and hurting him; just wanting Wilbur to stay. How lonely was this young human, that he became so attached to the first friendly person he met? (And how soft was Wilbur, that he was already attached as well?)

"I won't leave you," Wilbur decided on a whim.

Fairies could be many things. Cruel and kind, gentle and vicious, completely truthful while being manipulative. They were also be selfish.

Wilbur liked Tommy. He was his friend because of the promise he'd made, the one that he could make the child release at any moment. But the human was also lonely and sad, and the fairy decided he was Wilbur's.

"Saemonsae, Tommy," he repeated, and the human would do as he asked. "You're going to live with me."

There's a Monster in the Sky, in the Woods, in the Fields.

It has been centuries since humanity was safe on the surface. When the Endless War of the the gods broke out, at the end of it all, the earth went to the victors. It was only by the grace and mercy of the dual gods of the Underground and Wealth that humanity was not subjugated by the powerful gods above.

The cave Tommy's village lives in is close; far too close to the territories of several very powerful gods. Their village gives sacrifices every year; the best cow in the village, the most bountiful portion of their crops. Yet still, the gods seek unsatisfied. Each year the twisting trees from the woods grow closer, and the wild crops from the field creep towards the entrance of their cave, and the sky peeks more and more through the slowly crumbling ceiling of the cave.

For centuries, the village has increased their sacrifices, giving all they can without starving their own people. Each household gives until it hurts, leaving behind everything they can spare, sometimes parting with sentimental items. It's never enough. Finally, there is only one more way to escalate the sacrifices.

They must give the gods a life to be free.

With great reluctance, the elders choose a child to be sent out. He is innocent, and he is alone. His sacrifice will be tragic, but better a poor waif with no family to miss him then one of the children of the families around. It must be a child; innocence is essential to a good sacrifice and they cannot afford to slight the gods.

The boy's name is Tommy, and he's terrified as he's tied up and dragged go the entrance of the cave. The priests are covered head to toe, so they tread as little on sacred ground as possible. Tommy is barefoot, dressed only in loose robes that fall past his knees.

He shakes as he's placed perfectly between the wild fields and dark woods, open and seen by the sky above.

The priests tie the ropes to the ground and return to the village, muttering prayers as they go. No matter how he tries, Tommy cannot free himself from the bindings. He struggles until he hears a snap of a foot on a branch.

From the woods, he comes. He is the first to arrive, and the sight of him makes Tommy's heart tremble in his chest from the sheer terror.

He is a giant, as the gods tend to be. Towering easily above the trees of his domain, and looking down at where Tommy lays bound with a curious gleam in his eyes. His eyes are a warm brown like sunwarmed soil. Brown eyes should not be able to glow, but rules don't apply to gods. His curling brown hair looks a bit like branches, and he has a crown of leaves braided around his head like a circlet. It distracts him for a moment from the pointed ears that could never be mistaken as human and the razor sharp fangs from a mouth big enough Tommy felt faint with fear.

"What have we here?" The god asks, voice melodic and resonating through Tommy's entire being. There's something almost sad in his voice, and Tommy feels the emotion despite his fear. "A little gift from the humans, I suppose."

"Are you sure this gift is for you?" a deep voice calls from behind Tommy. He freezes, a fresh wave of terror washing over him. He turns to find a second god, standing tall and proud in the fields.

He is meant to be a god of harvest, but the scent of blood fills Tommy's nose. The god looks far more like a king than a farmer, with an intricate crown of gold resting on his head. His hair is a vibrant pink, and Tommy had never found the color so intimidating as when this powerful looking god wore it. His ears and mouth were the same as the other gods, but his eyes were a terrible red, looking like blood might spill from them at any moment.

"After all," he continued, and the powerful sound made Tommy feel like his bones were vibrating in his body, "he seems to be in my field."

"Perhaps," the god of the forest says, and although there is no anger in his voice, Tommy tenses at what must be a growing argument between gods.

"You cannot deny," the Woods continues, "That he is also in my forest. He is partially bound to the roots of a tree."

"And partially bound to the soil of my fields," the harvest god finishes.

Tommy squeezes his eyes shut, breathing shakily. It is said gods rarely share. Especially when it comes to matters of power, such as sacrifices, they will not accept others taking what is theirs. Will they fight to have all of him? Or will they tear him perfectly in half, split him and call it even? No matter the outcome, Tommy doesn't see himself surviving, and he whimpers quietly.

The sound of wings fluttering startles him, and he opens his eyes. The two gods must have heard it as well, because they fall silent.

Tommy's eyes catch a single feather, floating down from the sky. Despite the third shadow that is now falling over him, all he can do is watch the falling feather as is slowly drifts down, landing right next to him. It is as black as the night, looks soft as silk... And is twice as long as he is tall. He shudders uncontrollably, finally gazing up at the third god; the god of the sky.

He catches sight of him and his breath catches in his throat. That is not a mere god of the sky.

Wings as dark as death stretch behind him. He is cloaked in dark green robes that cover his hands. Soft blonde hair falls around his face, and an unmistakeable hat covers his eyes and his pointed ears. Tommy has seen his likeness carved into countless statues, painted onto the walls of the cavern, etched into books.

This was one of the Two; this was the Angel of Death, the god over all endings.

"Don't tell me you have a claim on him as well," the forest god says lightly, and Tommy shudders at the idea. The Angel of Death laughs.

"He's been placed equally between Woods, Fields and Sky; I believe we are meant to share him."

The gaze of three gods, one of them one of the two most powerful beings in the universe fall on him, and Tommy's terror becomes too much to handle. His vision goes dark, and he knows no more.

#mcyt g/t #g/t #giant/tiny #dsmp g/t #prinx fake title game #aslitheryanswers #tiny!ranboo #tiny!tommy

49 notes · View notes

rosemarydisaster · 4 years

Text

So, about Bi Caleb

Warning: very long post, discussing bi representation and biphobia.

*Sorry for spelling errors, English ain’t my firts language.

I can’t believe I have to tell you guys, but anyways: Caleb is bi whether he ends with a male character, a female character on a non binary character. That’s what bi people do, you know? they experience atraction for all genders. Saying that a bi character that ends with someone of the opposite gender is straight and queerbaiting is incredibly biphobic.

Yes, Vax was bisexual. Yes, he ended up with Kiki. Get fucking over it.

Now, I can understand why LGBT+ fans may feel disappointed when they tease a “gay couple” but the “straigth” couple ends up being endgame. Notice the quotation marks because there’s not such thing as a straight or gay couple for a bi person. They are bisexual in both situations, but I can see where the problem comes from. I’ve been queerbaited to hell and back by a lot of shows and it really hurts. It feels like they are laughting at you for caring. But I want those fans (whose feelings are totally valid, don’t get me wrong) to consider a few things when it comes to Critical Role, the first one being: it’s a D&D game.

Let me explain, because I know a lot of CR fans haven’t experienced what D&D is like in real life (and that’s absolutely valid, you don’t need to play D&D to enjoy CR). This is an improvisation game, not an scripted TV show. In a Tv show you can plan ahead of time what ship is going to be endgame, what themes are gonna come up for each character and it’s easier to deeply explore sexuality and gender as different planned arcs. In D&D you character’s sexuality may or may not come up depending on how you play it. Take for instance how other CR character’s have stated their sexuality:

Beau: overtly. Very *In your face* kind of lesbian. Marisha said “fuck it, I really just want to romance girls and be bad ass”

Yasha: openly, but not as in your face. Ashley Jhonson wanted to drink from that WLW cup while also being a shy disaster. Seafood market is her favored terrain.

Caduceus: Our Ace king has never hidden his sexuality, and yet he didn’t mention anything about it until chapter 114. He didn’t had the need to either hide it or state it. He was simply vibing.

I think Liam is going that route with Caleb. He’s flustered by Essek and Edwulf (Come on you guys, he always asks Matthew if he’s still hot). He also had/has a thing for Astrid and a think he might have feels for our favorite Tiefling gal. I know we are all too used to characters being teased as gay/bi only to have execs pull a “haha jk they be straight”. But this is not Sherlock or Supernatural. This is a show that not only has queer rep, but also supports queer organizations and creators. Hell, I’m sure some of the cast members are LGBT (but I’m not here to speculate on real people’s sexuality). If Caleb shows attraction to men he is not just queerbaiting, doing it for fanservicing or tricking the fans in any way shape or form: he’s just portraying a bi character. The thing is, since this is not a TV show, he is not doing it por woke points or to send a message. He’s doing it because he wants to play a bi wizard with depression.

So maybe there will be a point in which he can explores his sexuality more deeply, but remember he is playing a game. And his character is one that has a lot of trouble opening up to his feelings. Caleb is not someone that makes sexual jokes or flirty remarks. He is shy, awkward and has developed a really fucked up sense of love that he is now slowly fixing. Hell, in the same Talks episode Liam explained that Caleb was trained on Honey-pot tactics. Which, for those of you who can’t stand Bond films, means seducing your enemy/target to get information, manipulate them or assassinate them. WHICH IS A REALLY FUCKED UP THING! Let’s remember how he was the one to push Fjord to sleep with Advantica so they could spy on her. That boy has Issues when it comes to relationships. So if we don’t see him being as overtly gay as Beau, Molly or Yasha, well maybe it’s because that’s the way Caleb is. Bi people don’t owe you flamboyance, or dating both guys and gals for your approval. I wouldn’t make a post if it was only that, because I do feel the people who are aching for good bi rep and would love some more explicit confirmation. But Vax exists, so I know we can’t have good things down here.

VAX EXPLICITELY SHOWED ATTRACTION TO GILMORE. AS EXPLICIT AS IT GETS. HE FUCKING KISSED HIM. THEY WERE PRACTICALLY DATING. AND YET SOME OF YOU FUCKERS CALL HIM QUEERBAITING. AND I SAY: NOT ON MY WATCH! NOT ON MY FUCKING WATCH!!

How come a character can have canonically kissed another character in a romantic/sensual context and still be called straight? I know fucking Sherlock traumaticed y’all into having trust issues but believe me when I tell you: I’ts not that deep. This is not a “Haha I love u but in a no homo way bro”. It’s a “full homo darling, but also we’re gonna break up because I like someone else”. This is the opposite of queerbaiting. Instead of keeping a charade he was honest with Gilmore because he valued his feelings and realized that he couldn’t reciprocate them at that moment. And if you try to tell me that Vaxleth was forced and didn’t have a reason to exist except queerbaiting, let me tell you: you are wrong.

Vax saw Gilmore once or twice monthly while he spent a heck ton of time with Kiki. Sure, they didn’t had the kind of camera chemistry Gilmore and Vax had because Keyleth is not charismatic. She’s really awkward, and her relationship with Vax was more on the adorable and dorky side of things. I bring this up because I’m predicting something similar may happen to Shadowgast.

Trust me, I ship the hot wizards as much as any other critter (even though I’m a multishipper). But they haven’t talked to Essek in centuries. I think it may have been almost a month in rol and quite a few outside. And you have to take into account out-rol time to because they are humans (except Tal) playing a game and they forget about stuff (except Marisha and Matt). So Shadowgast may not happen because sure, they had really good chemistry for a month a month ago. People have crushes that die down over time All The Time. So maybe don’t be so butthurt about your ship not being canon that you accuse an ally of homophobia.

The cast of CR put forward such an amazing representation for the LGBT+ community and it really hurts me that you gets stuck on the one thing that isn’t canon. Matt has created a world in which coming out is not necessary because no one assumes your sexuality. A world in which people respect pronouns and orientations (except Tary’s father, who is a villain). A world in which Cad or Caleb don’t need to explicitly say “I’m ace/bi” unless it comes up in conversation. A world in which his friends can be whatever they want to be without pressure or reprecusions. A world in which they get to explore different gender identities and sexual orientations with full freedom. Let’s not interfere with that (unless there’s missrepresentation), and let them play their game. If you really need mlm or wlw canon couples or more outwardly LGBT+ people you have plenty examples among NPCs and other cast members (Allura and kima, Yasha, Beau, Dairon, Keg, Reani, Tary, Molly and Vax among others).

There’s way worst shows taking LGBT+ cred for barely doing nothing. Fucking Supernatural is the most recent example! Critical Role works towards showing an honest portrayal of LGBT+ folk and accepts valid criticism from their fans on the subject (when they changed J’Mon Sa Ord pronouns from it to they/them). They don’t owe you making your ship canon or portraying their characters the way you want them to (again, unless when it’s constructive criticism). Stop being so Fucking entitled and enjoy the show for what it is

,Respectfully~

*Edit: I´m tagging Caleb’s ships into the post because most hate comes from shipping wars. Most Shadowgast fans are respectful of the cast’s decisions, even if it disappoints them. But since I’ve already seen people accusing Liam of biphobia in that tag and since I’ve already seen this shit with Vaxmore I’m tagging the ship. If you want to read my long ass post do it, if not, ignore it. I’m not forcing you to read it. I’ve also tagged it with biphobia so people can avoid it if it’s triggering. I’m sorry if it makes you mad that your ship is not canon, but that’s not an excuse to be toxic to the cast. Those of you getting mad are the ones that need to read this the most. Like I’ve said in the post: you’re allowed to be disappointed, you are allowed to want more, but you can’t force the cast to give you exactly what you want. And most certainly, you can’t accuse them of some very serious stuff like biphobia and queerbaiting when it’s not the case..

397 notes · View notes

lavellander · 3 years

Text

hello im feeling extra “touch the stove”-y today so. i was looking for any dialogue where solas just straight up lies and (of what i could find online/transcribed, obv) i didnt find anything that was 100% untrue. he’ll completely avoid the question, change the subject, give part of the truth, etc etc etc, but nothing was just Entirely A Lie

what really gets me is that there’s a handful of convos where someone infers something from what solas says, and he will even point out that he didn’t directly say that. like, he tells people how to see through his shit, lmao

here is an embarrassingly long ass list of examples, all sorted by what kind of not-lying he’s doing lol, just bc i am unhinged<3

*note that some of these are cut from longer bits of dialogue or have been split up from one conversation into different categories*

literally just Not Answering The Question lol

Dorian: How much “will” do they have? They’re amorphous constructs of the Fade. Solas: Hmm.

Dorian: Solas, have I offended you? Solas: If you have, why would it concern you?

Dorian: Solas, what is this whole look of yours about? Solas: I’m sorry? Dorian: No, that outfit is sorry. What are you supposed to be, some kind of woodsman? Dorian: Is it a Dalish thing? Don’t you dislike the Dalish? Or is it some kind of statement? Solas: No.

Dorian: Let me get this straight, Solas. Dorian: You’re an apostate – neither Dalish nor city elf – who lived alone in the woods studying spirits. Solas: Is that a problem for you?

Solas: [has a whole tactical moment about the red jennies lmao] Sera: Where d’you get all this, then? Solas: Do you wish to be unnerved by another tale of my explorations of the Fade? Or do you wish to learn something?

Vivienne: You must be pleased with what was revealed at the Temple of Mythal, Solas. Solas: Why should those ruins please me, Enchanter?

changing the subject before he backs himself into a corner

Gatt: I don’t see any tattoos, but you’re carrying a staff. Are you from a Chantry Circle? Solas: No. And I would prefer not to discuss it.

Solas: I find the fall of the dwarven lands confusing. Varric: What’s so confusing about endless darkspawn? Solas: A great deal, although that is a different matter.

giving the truth, but not the whole truth

Blackwall: Skyhold. How did you find it? Solas: I looked. Blackwall: Now you sound like Cole. You looked? Solas: This world is full of wonders for those who seek them.

Blackwall: You spoke of seeing death and destruction. Did you fight in a war? Solas: There are struggles across Thedas at any given time. I doubt you would have heard of it. Blackwall: An elven skirmish? Solas: In a manner of speaking, yes.

Cassandra: Solas, have you always lived alone? Out in the wilderness, as an apostate? Solas: For the most part.

Cassandra: Have you ever encountered templars before? Solas: Only at a distance. I am an apostate, after all. Cassandra: And they never caught you even once? Solas: I am a very careful apostate.

Dorian: We found elves, living ancient elves, at the Temple of Mythal. Does that bother you, Solas? If Inquisitor allied with the Sentinels: Solas: I am pleased we were not forced to kill them, if that’s what you mean.

Iron Bull: You’ve got an odd style, Solas. Your spells are a bit different from the Circle mages or the Vints. Solas: That comes from being self-taught. Solas: I discovered most of my magic on my own, or learned it from my journeys in the Fade.

Vivienne: So, an apostate? Solas: That is correct, Enchanter. I did not train in your Circle.

Solas: You are a man who made a choice... possibly the first of your life. Iron Bull: I’ve always liked fighting. What if I turn savage, like the other Tal-Vashoth? Solas: You have the Inquisition, you have the Inquisitor... and you have me.

from cutscene at beginning Inquisitor: [mentions the anchor closing a rift] Solas: Whatever magic opened the Breach in the sky also placed that mark upon your hand. I theorized the mark might be able to close the rifts that have opened in the Breach's wake – and it seems I was correct.

from cutscene at beginning Solas: [to a Dalish Inq] You are Dalish, but clearly away from the rest of your clan. Did they send you here? Inquisitor: What do you know of the Dalish? Solas: I have wandered many roads in my time, and crossed paths with your people on more than one occasion. Inquisitor: [Crossed paths? dialogue choice] Solas: I mean that I offered to share knowledge, only to be attacked for no greater reason than their superstition.

from “I’d like to know more about you” convo in Haven Inquisitor: What made you start studying the Fade? Solas: I grew up in a village to the north. There was little to interest a young man, especially one gifted with magic. But as I slept, spirits of the Fade showed me glimpses of wonders I had never imagined. I treasured my dreams. Being awake, out of the Fade, became troublesome.

actually telling the truth but no one picks up on the gravity of it

Solas: [...] I believe the elven gods existed, as did the old gods of Tevinter. But I do not think any of them were gods, unless you expand the definition of the word to the point of absurdity. I appreciate the idea of your Maker, a god that does not need to prove his power. I wish more such gods felt the same. Cassandra: You have seen much sadness in your journeys, Solas. Following the Maker might offer some hope. Solas: I have people, Seeker. The greatest triumphs and tragedies this world has known can all be traced to people.

Cole: No, inside. I don’t hear your hurt as much. Your song is softer, subtler, not silent but still. Solas: How small the pain of one man seems when weighted against the endless depths of memory, of feeling, of existence. That ocean carries everyone. And those of us who learn to see its currents move through life with their fewer ripples.

Cole: You didn’t do it to be right. You did it to save them. Inquisitor: Solas, what is Cole talking about? Solas: A mistake. One of many made by a much younger elf who was certain he knew everything.

Solas: Empires rise and fall. Arlathan was no more “innocent” than your own Tevinter in its time. Solas: Your nostalgia for the ancient elves, however romanticized, is pointless.

Solas: Our people used to be here. Sera: Pfft, you say that everywhere. Solas: It is more true than you want to believe.

Vivienne: You must be pleased, apostate. With the Templars dissolved, your rebels will be most difficult to pacify. Solas: My rebels? Am I an agent for their cause, whispering poison into the Inquisition’s ears? Solas: How comforting. Vivienne: You enjoy seeing yourself as a villain? Solas: No more than any other clever man who wonders what he could do if pushed.

Vivienne: [about the Temple of Mythal] Now you know the elves were once a mighty nation. Solas: I always knew, Enchanter. The Temple of Mythal is just another reminder of what was lost.

(in the Emerald Graves): These forests have changed much since I was last here.

during the Fade!Haven cutscene Solas: It seems you hold the key to our salvation. You had sealed it with a gesture... and right then, I felt the whole world change. Inquisitor: [romance option] “Felt the whole world change?” Solas: A figure of speech. Inquisitor: I’m aware of the metaphor. I’m more interested in felt. Solas: You change... everything.

pointing out that people assume he means things he did not directly say

Cole: There is pain though, still within you. Solas: And I never said there was not.

Solas: You may well become fully human, after all. I never thought to see it. Cole: When did you see it before? Solas: I did not say that I had.

Iron Bull: We’ve got the alliance with my people. Given how much you love the Qun, I figured... Solas: I might scold you? Berate you for your decisions? Iron Bull: Hey. The Chargers died as heroes for the good of the mission. Solas: I never said otherwise.

Sera: Don’t you start. Solas: I’m reasonably certain I said nothing.

Vivienne: [talking shit about grey warden mages] Solas: I never claimed mages should be above the law, Enchanter. Vivienne: No, darling. You merely implied it, while offering no viable suggestions for improvement.

after infamous “side benefits” dialogue Warrior Inquisitor: You find my muscles enjoyable? Solas: I meant that you enjoyed having them, presumably. Warrior Inquisitor: Ah. Solas: But yes... since you asked.

diminishing things he does actually know by saying he he “believes” or “thinks,” or that things were vaguely “said” or “told”

Solas: I say what I believe to be true, even if it gives offense to those who prefer the lie.

Dorian: That orb Corypheus carries... are you certain it’s of elven origin, Solas? Solas: I believe so. Why do you ask?

Solas: It is said that we lived at a pace that sustained us for... ages.

making it sound like he’s talking about something/someone else, but it’s just him lmao

Cole: Do you know a lot about wolves? Solas: I know that they are intelligent, practical creatures that small-minded fools think of as terrible beasts.

Solas: No man can kill so many people without breaking inside. To survive... those you fight must become monsters. Iron Bull: The ones that kill innocent people, yeah. The rest... I don’t know. Solas: The mind does marvelous things to protect itself.

during In Hushed Whispers Inquisitor: I’m glad you understood what he just said because I’m not sure I did. Solas: You would think such understanding would stop me from making such terrible mistakes. You would be wrong.

misc

this one i wanted to include because it’s the only circumstance (that i came across) where someone directly asks solas to lie and he literally says he can’t

during the fucking crestwood breakup scene Inquisitor: [angry option] Tell me you don’t care. Solas: I can’t do that. Inquisitor: Tell me I was some casual dalliance so I can call you a cold-hearted son of a bitch and move on! Solas: I’m sorry.

*also note that most of these are banter transcriptions from the wiki; some are cutscene / other dialogue posted by either @/daitranscripts or u/karinini on reddit; it’s not all his cutscenes obv, but I’m not about to look up every single one individually sdlkfj*

#i am................incredibly embarrassed that i did this #forgive me. the brain worms would not leave until it was Done #also sorry that its ugly no matter what i did tungle was NOT happy w my formatting. just know its clean and easy to read in my mind :/#and i know none of this is new information but i am riddled with terminal grad student brain disease so i like having my evidence organized #long post #(bc its long as hell if u open the read more)#im going to put this in my #ref #tag. bc i sometimes get tripped up writing his dialogue to be cryptic but true

25 notes · View notes

the-eldritch-it-gay · 4 years

Text

Rewriting the Qunari

@missveils da dicho:

Hola! First of all, thanks a lot for all your meta posts! I am literally just writing a super small thing featuring some references to the Qun and still struggling a lot with Bioware's portrayal. If you had the freedom to do so (yay, transformative works!) is there anything you would change from the current lore if you had the chance to modify the portrayal? (the breeding program, the constant state of invasion and the re-education are the first to come to mind). Gracias!

Hola! I’ve had this ask for a little now because it’s taken me some time to put some thoughts together, and those thoughts ended up much longer than I expected they would. I like this question because I absolutely love worldbuilding and rewriting and expanding current lore. I’m not the best with writing plots for stories, but I can spend hours and hours worldbuilding and analyzing things.

[EDIT 12/31/2020: more rewriting now available in regards to The Iron Bull and Dragon Age Inquisition-- Rewriting Demands of the Qun (Inquisition)]

Preface

For those perhaps unfamiliar, the Qunari are highkey a racist mess. Being coded as Black and coded as Muslim and the game writing them as savage evil violent people with strange beliefs that are invading white christian Andrastian nations? Yikes. I’ve talked a lot about the Muslim coding and how upsetting it is, and I’m not alone I know, I’ve also seen posts by Black fans talking about their Black coding, though I’m not Black and so I don’t want to speak over people in that reguard. I recommend folks seek out information about this if they want, but please don’t go to Black and Muslim DA fans asking them to educate you.

But with regards to rewriting the Qunari. Personally I don’t like writing racism of any sort. Period. I don’t want to write about racism or colonialism or slavery or genocide because those things are so incredibly serious and abhorrent and hit way too close to home for so many people, myself included. But racism is such a big part of the Dragon Age franchise. So erasing that is too big a rewrite honestly, so I’ll try to stay within the following parameters set out by Bioware:

The Qunari face discrimination in human societies

Qunari is a term both for the faith (followers of the Qun) and the race (tall, horned humanoids).

While Qunari are largely comprised of the Qunari race, there are Qunari of any race.

Tal-Vashoth were Qunari but left the faith

So this isn’t like, my dream portrayal, or even perfect (I’m just one person, this is my thoughts, can’t speak for every PoC or Muslim, I’m just a Mexican-American Niqabi speaking for my own expeirences) I’m changing/modifying the portrayal and not completely scrapping everything, there’s still gonna be parts I’m not psyched about even though they are infinitely better than the current portrayal. And you know, this is spitballing, if I actually got a chance to rewrite Qunari lore I would work with people and refine and change stuff. That's probably apparent, but as someone with anxiety I always have to hedge myself.

I’ll be separating this post into sections about the Qunari in general, and then another small section about the Tal-Vashoth. I’ll be going point by point (though in no particular order) of things I would change. For most of them I will try not to entirely change or throw away the concept.

The Qunari

The Qun and Qunari are evil and oppressive: The Qunari and their culture is often misunderstood and there are widespread misconceptions or outright lies about the Qunari that are seen as truth. Because Qunlat is not spoken outside of the Qunari or Tal-Vashoth, there has historically been little option for those not in the culture to educate themselves, especially as the Chantry is the chief spreader of lies and propaganda against the Qunari.

The Qunari have no family units: The Qunari are a communal culture, far more so than many other cultures on Thedas. Families exist, but a child isn’t raised solely by their parents, other adults in the community take on a parental role for any child in the community. The family unit exists, simply there is less of a hard divide or difference between family and neighbors. Within their local community, it is not uncommon for Qunari to refer to those not blood related as family, calling them brother, sister, mother, etc.

Qunari have no names or sense of personal identity: Names are considered highly personal and only used with those who you are very close to. Because of this, when discussing another person a title is commonly used. This is especially common when talking about a person to a member outside of their community or talking about an Elder or one of a high rank. Nicknames are also very common, both nicknames chosen by the wearer and assigned to them, though nicknames are more commonly used in more casual settings. When meeting each other for the first time “What are you called/what do you go by?” as opposed to “What is your name?” which is too personal. “What are you called/what do you go by?” allows for the person to answer with either their title or with a nickname, depending on their comfort.

The idea that Qunari have no sense of personal identity is another misconception about their community driven culture, this misconception is particularly prominent in cultures that center on individualism and “every man for himself”.

(Bonus note: Being latine, I imagined the same sentiment with names vs nicknames as te amo vs te quiero. “Te amo” is… very serious, you don’t say that to anyone, growing up I was told that “Te amo is for your soul mate, te quiero is for everyone else”. It’s hard to explain. But I really love linguistics and sociolinguistics and I do a lot of worldbuilding around language usually).

Qunari don’t choose their partner or don’t have relationships: Traditionally in Qunari culture, marriages are semi-arranged. In the Dragon Age, there are slightly less semi-arranged marriages, but many still practice the tradition. Marriage is seen as a very serious commitment and not taken lightly, there is a lot of preparation and discussions before a couple gets married to ensure they’re both ready for the commitment and the basis of a healthy relationship.

The Qunari don’t have sex out of love, only for breeding: Just scrap this honestly. I cannot put into words how much the word breeding in this context upsets me (especially when I’ve had folks call inter-racial relationships “interbreeding”). And with regards to the sex and love, the wiki says “[Qunari] do have the capacity to love” which is just a bad way to put anything. I could probably come with a idea of Qunari having a different view towards sex but with BioWare and the fandoms track record, I’d really prefer if they were smack in the middle of “sexless and sex averse” and “Over sexualized” because those two extremes I see a lot in the creation of fantasy people of color.

Qunari are bred for their role: Qunari have pride in traditions being passed down directly through the generations. For example, if you are a blacksmith and your parents are blacksmiths that taught you how to work metal, just like their parents taught them, that is a point of pride. While taking on the job of one of your parents is prefered, some Qunari choose a profession other than their parents. In those cases, they find a member of their community that is trained in the job who they can learn from. Because of how close Qunari communities tend to be, with seeing most of the community as their family, passing on tradition and skills to someone not blood-related isn’t uncommon or seen as strange.

Qunari are assigned their role: Instead of being forced into one position, I would suggest that there is an importance in Qunari culture about finding your calling. Ideally, you only have one role because you find your calling and are happy to have that role for the rest of your life. Education, training, and apprenticeship starts young as a way of making sure one will be the best at their calling. There’s no forcing, the education starting young is to help young Qunari get an idea of what their calling is, Tamassrans guide this process and offer support and advice to young Qunari. Education in general is a heavy focus in Qunari culture alongside community and compassion.

Qunari’s thoughts are policed and they are sent to re-education: Another thing to get rid of! Absolutely hate it!

The Qunari have a robust system for helping those struggling with religious issues as well as mental health issues. “Re-education” is a mistranslation, as the meaning in Qunlat is closer to rehabilitation. Taking care of mental and spiritual health is very important to the Qunari, and rehabilitation is commonly mentioned, most know someone who has undergone it. Because the Qunari are community driven, members of the community can report concerns for someone’s health which are taken seriously and looked into as to ensure the person in question is alright and to see if they need any assistance.

Speaking as someone who has been to various treatment centers and intensive therapies/day treatments, the trepidation a Qunari might have about getting help can be any number of reasons. However, it should not be Qunari being afraid of being mistreated or essentially lobotomized.

The Qunari are at war with and invading the nations of Thedas: Since we’re getting rid of things, get rid of their invading entirely. If BioWare wants an enemy group that's Qunari, have it be a small group or cult (that acts in opposition to the Qun) as opposed to an entire race and culture. I’m not super excited about that idea, but if it means the Qunari as a whole aren’t labeled as enemies and it’s stressed that the group is not representative of the Qunari I’ll take it over the current lore. BioWare isn’t giving me a lot to work with, honestly I think it’s best to just scrap the whole Qunari = Evil Antagonists. Let the Qunari be peaceful and stop the idea that an entire race and culture is inherently evil and deserving of oppression and slaughter.

The Qunari wear very revealing armor or clothing: Please just give Qunari practical armor and clothing. No more belly dancer “exotic” outfits or any oversexualized outfit. Take inspiration from the cultures the Qunari are being based on, or give them generic fantasy clothes. Just something, I’m tired of Qunari being the only ones in the game in revealing clothing. They don’t have to be entirely covered, they just shouldn’t look like the google results for belly dancer outfits or shibari.

The Qunari Collar, Leash, and Mutilate their mages: Another thing to get rid of, and I mean it. The idea that the Qunari collar, leash, and mutilate mages is a complete fabrication that the Chantry spread. Qunari mages are treated just the same as any other Qunari, respected and given proper education and support.

If you are hung on the idea of some Qunari mages having fled Par Vollen/joined the Tal-Vashoth, have it be the Chantry’s fault. Historically, the Chantry has tried on numerous occasions to spread their beliefs in Par Vollen, and while they are never successful, they have managed to cause violence, uproar, and strife. Because the Chantry and their people were targeting mages, some Qunari mages fled to try and get away from the conflicts and found refuge with Tal-Vashoth settlements (more on the Tal-Vashoth in a bit). Again, I don’t like writing stuff like this, but it’s better than the current lore.

The Tal-Vashoth and Vashoth

While I’m looking at the Qunari lore, I think I should also do some points on the Tal-Vashoth and Vashoth, since they are tied to the Qunari and their lore goes hand in hand.

Overall idea, the Tal-Vashoth aren’t evil. They have their own culture somewhat influenced by the Qun, as Tal-Vashoth were once members of the Qun, but there are many differences and don’t have the same religious beliefs as the Qunari. The culture itself stems largely from when a large population of Qunari branched off and started a new belief, most of the members of the Tal-Vashoth being born into the culture and descended from those that branched out into their own separate culture.

I really want to stress that Tal-Vashoth and Vashoth should have a culture instead of simply being defined as “not really Qunari”. I could spend the time building a culture now, but this is already quite long. It would have been interesting to see an Adaar mention things from their culture, aside from just “My parents told me stories about the Qunari”. But BioWare doesn’t exactly have a good track record with showing off cultures in Thedas.

Tal-Vashoth and Vashoth meanings: Currently Tal-Vashoth means “True grey ones” and Vashoth “Grey ones”. Tal-Vashoth are those who directly defected from the Qun, and Vashoth are their offspring.

I generally take issue with the idea that the Tal-Vashoth are just deserters and have no culture. I propose that “Tal-Vashoth” or “Vashoth” are used pretty synonymously. The meaning of Grey Ones refers to their separation from the culture of the Qun but not having assimilated into other dominant cultures. If you see following the Qun and not following the Qun as a black-and-white spectrum, the Tal-Vashoth are in the grey area.

If you want to have “Tal Vashoth” and “Vashoth” mean slightly different things, the Vashoth still follow some version of the Qun Religion, whereas Tal-Vashoth follow a different religion or no religion. The “Tal” (true) part of Tal-Vashoth in this sense refers to how they are less tied to the religion of the Qun.

Relationship between the Tal-Vashoth and Qunari: Get rid of the Qunari hunting the Tal-Vashoth, there’s no reason for them to be enemies in my opinion. Since we’ve gotten rid of the thought-policing and punishment for defecting or questioning, there’s no real reason the Qunari would hate the Tal-Vashoth. They have more in common than they do with any other culture. I’d allow BioWare to have there be a small amount of stigma or something, but nothing like outright hunting and slaughtering the Tal-Vashoth.

Since we are getting rid of Qunari hunting the Tal-Vashoth and Vashoth, there’s no reason for Tal-Vashoth to leave Par-Vollen. Tal-Vashoth live on Par-Vollen with Qunari, but unlike most of the Qunari, Tal-Vashoth also have large populations across Thedas (though personally I’d like to see Qunari living outside of Par Vollen, if only because I want something I can relate to). Qunari might have Tal-Vashoth neighbors and family members, the same way you might have neighbors or family members of different faiths.

Am I an idealistic bitch for writing lore where people get along? Maybe. White people might have dragons and swords and adventure with fantasy, but personally if I am allowed to entertain a fantasy it would be a world where people don’t have to deal with the struggles I face daily.

General Retcon Notes

Honestly if I was allowed to do a retcon (BioWare hire me challenge) I would have it be canon that the previous lore was Chantry Propaganda that they spread because they hate the Qunari. It’s already pretty canon that the Chantry hates the Qunari, but by having the previous lore being fabrications and slander, the hatred of the Qunari is not deserved. I’m very tired of BioWare creating an oppressed people but saying that “Oh well, they actually deserve to be oppressed!” because that’s not how racism or bigotry works. It’s genuinely upsetting to see how much BioWare pushes that both sides (in any conflict) are equally bad, because that belief system is harmful. Making a group that’s oppressed be shown as evil or worse than their oppressors is awful, untrue, and makes me incredibly uncomfortable.

While the retcons and rewrites so far have been extensive, I don’t think it’s out of line. If BioWare can have a “twist” that everything the Dalish knew about their gods is false and that their gods were actually power-hungry slavers, then I don’t see why I can’t do this!

Another general point about Qunari and Tal-Vashoth, show them as more than a monolith! When depicting any culture I always hate when it’s depicted as a monolith, show variety and different traditions in the cultures, show Qunari that follow the Qun exactly and Qunari that follow it generally. With their comparison to Muslims, there’s such a variety to Muslims in the world! There’s such diversity in cultures and ethnicities and practices, there are liberal Muslims and conservative Muslims, there are Muslims that aren’t “perfect” because everybody is human.

My final general retcon note, is that I would overhaul the Qunlat language. As it stands, there are actual Arabic words in Qunlat, ones I’ve noted being “Kafir” (unbeliever/infidel) which is used in Mark of the Assassin. Basra is frequently used as a rude term for those who aren’t Qunari, Basra is an actual Iraqi city. Given the opportunity I’d actually work on a lot of the languages in Dragon Age and make them proper conlangs, but Qunlat takes priority since I’m focusing on the Qunari.

Conclusion

Overall, I’d change a good many things. The Qunari as it stands are a racist islamaphobic mess, and this long is only addressing my thoughts (I’m sure I missed things or others have different thoughts). If I genuinely had a chance to rewrite the canon, I would invite a lot of other Muslims from various backgrounds and cultures (speaking of my above point that Muslims aren’t monoliths), and I would most definitely make sure there were plenty of Black writers working on this as well. Which is far more effort than BioWare has done.

When it comes to writing an antagonist for a franchise or any fantasy setting, do research, and do not have evilness be a trait of an entire people. Too many times does the fantasy genre fall on racist, xenophobic, and colonialist ideas when designing enemies or bad guys. Sometimes this is unconscious, which is why it’s so important to educate yourself and consult members of different cultures or faiths, or at least have sensitivity readers, so you can avoid having, say, a random Muslim university student writing thousands of words to rewrite the lore you create.

#DA #Bioware Critical #Qunari #Dragon Age #Eldritch IT Speaks #Eldritch IT Meta #Eldritch IT Answers #ñksdlñlfsdkfñl THIS ENDED UP SO LONG #thank you to anyone who has made it to the end #I could have probably gone into more detail but that would have made this twice as long and I don´t want to do that to yáll

555 notes · View notes

scarasimplysimping · 3 years

Text

These Books Of You Part 2

Xingqiu x Reader

Part 1

Sypnosis: A boy of noble blood and disciple to the Guhua Clan, Xingqiu has been reading books of the heroic adventures of an elusive adepti, [Y/N] ever since he was a little boy.

Now a bit older, he sets everything aside in a journey to meet you.

Xingqiu was scolded harshly when he returned but he could hardly focus. Xingqiu could think of nothing but you and how he kissed-

He burries his face in his hand in embarrassment.

"Stop that. What's wrong with you?" Chongyun asks, sitting cross-legged on Xingqiu's bed.

"Oh Dear Chongyun, I kissed their hand." He replies in a muffled voice.

"Disgusting."

"You are not helping!"

Chongyun snickers, "What are they like?"

"Perfect." He responds, almost instantly.

"You'll have to be more specific than that."

"They saved me."

"You have a broken arm." Chongyun points out.

"I fell down while climbing though it should heal in 8 weeks at most."

"Foolish."

"Worth it."

Chongyun slouches on the bed as Xingqiu continues to ramble about you.

The following day feels as if it was the longest for Xingqiu. He could not bear the anticipation for nightfall and made sure to check the clock in his bedroom every ten seconds.

Now, you've been at the statue of Pervases since afternoon, paying your respects.

Xingqiu knew where the statue was. The traveler, Aether informed him of this but also told him to be careful as there were lots of hostiles in the path.

Xingqiu encountered none. There was this tugging feeling at the back of his head saying you cleared them all just for him. Which you did.

He arrived at the area and saw you, sitting near the statue with your eyes closed. The young man stared at you, contemplating about how peaceful you looked.

"Are you going to keep staring or will you sit down?" You ask, not looking at him.

"Apologies. My liege- I mean (Y/N). I was merely captivated by your beauty once again."

You open your eyes, taking in his expression.

He was dead serious.

You feel your cheeks heat up and in an effort to maintain your composure, you abruptly stand up and turn your back to him. You've come to terms with the fact that Xingqiu is a man of impulse. This, you could admire.

He is confused but decides not to bring it up.

Silence.

When the awkwardness becomes uncomfortable, he speaks again, "Would you like me to read these books of you out loud? I mean they're very interesting but it's fine if you don't considering that you already know what has happened-"

"Do as you wish."

The swordsman finds a comfortable place to sit and pulls out a heavy book.

Well this was gonna be a long night.

Once he starts reading, you find yourself unable to tear away your focus from his soft voice. You've lived these memories in your own life, and some you didn't even want to relive but still, you're drawn in by his sweet, sweet voice.

The night is mostly like this. There is occasional small talk like 'that is not how it happened.' Or 'May you please explain this part to me in detail? I want to know how you felt during this battle.'

You find if difficult to hold your tongue when he asks. Even the painful memories become just nostalgic when you explain to him. Xingqiu also tries not to overstep the boundaries despite wanting to know every single detail.

Weeks pass enough so that his arm eventually heals. And even more. Though he only gets to see you one night out of seven moons, he feels as if you two grow a bond, an unbreakable one. And you felt it too.

"-So I paid for all the damage dear Chongyun caused!"

You chuckle at the story, pitying his friend.

Silence.

You look at Xingqiu, confused as to why he stopped telling his story.

"You... you laughed," He points out, amazed. "I made you laugh..."

His cheeks were tainted with a blush. You could almost swear you saw his soul ascend to heaven.

"Hmmm... perhaps it's because I find it easy, tolerating your company. Maybe at times, I enjoy it," You say to stroke his ego a little .

"How did you get your vision?" He asks, eying the vision you had.

"Well... I used to be a mortal," You start, staring off into the distance.

The boy's eyes widen with curiosity and amazement, "I never knew of this! It's not mentioned in any of the books..."

"I never told anyone... Except now."

Xingqiu felt honored to be the first one you'd share your story with in thousands of years.

Suddenly, you question yourself.

Why were you so comfortable with him? Did he do some sort of sorcery on you? Why were you so important to him? Why was he so important to you? These thoughts raced in your head you could not think straight. Eons of slaughter did this to you. It broke you. Maybe it's just paranoia or all the lives you took finally taking a toll on you, giving you your own demons that prevented you from having nice things.

"How long will you stay with me?"

"Forever."

Liar

"No... Nevermind," You say, once again building your walls around yourself. The walls he tried so desperately to tear down.

Xingqiu frowns, "Why?"

You stay silent.

"(Y/N), you should not bear all your burden alone forever," He says, reaching out for your hand as if asking for your trust.

You don't accept it.

"It's not your place," You say in a stoic tone.

"But I'm your friend aren't I?"

His question is once again returned with silence.

"(Y/N), please I know how you feel-"

You feel yourself snap and say things you didn't even mean, "You know nothing of how I feel and you aren't my friend. You're merely an annoying mortal who wants to befriend me because you... you pity me. I disappointed you! I was not as heroic as those books say but you're too afraid to tell me-"

"(Y/N), none of that is true!" He grabs your shoulders, forcing you into eye contact, only then Xingqiu notices the tears, streaming down your cheeks.

He wonders what happened for you to be this reserved. Everyone always has a turning point. How long must you have yearned for someone to share the pain with you? How many times did they fail you? He was here now. You could trust him. He was prepared to wait. If you could just give him a chance, show him a sign, he would do anything for you because he

"I love you," Xingqiu whispers, wiping your tears away.

It was beautiful. The night, how the stars perfectly reflected in his eyes. The way he cups your cheeks with his slender hands. The way you felt as if you could just melt in his touch. The quiet. The moon. The relationship-

But every relationship had it's problems.

And in this one, it was you.

"You mean nothing to me. Just a face I'll forget after five hundred years," You say coldly, looking him straight in the eyes before vanishing from his sight.

"Forever."

Liar. Liar. Liar

Reality hits Xingqiu like a bucket of cold water. Of course. Of course he was just a human waving his fancy little sword around. He tried so desperately to gain your approval, pathetic as a clown. The Archons were probably laughing their heads off at how foolish he had been.

Xingqiu scoffs at himself, first he starts laughing, though that quickly turns into full blown sobs.

He's glad you left so you would not have to witness him in this shameful state.

But you didn't leave. You were still there. Just invisible to him. You wanted to make sure he got home safely. Quite ironic considering the only one that had posed real danger to him, was you.

Weeks pass with no sign of Xingqiu. You grew more and more restless and empty by the day. The adeptus noticed. Morax noticed.

"(Y/N), do you wish to become a mortal again?" He asked you one afternoon.

"You... you can do that?"

"You can," He replies. "Your vision was given to you along with your immortality when we made the contract."

Then suddenly, you understood what had to be done.

The other adeptus were surprisingly supportive of your decision. Even Xiao mentioned how he envied you for having a choice.

It felt weird to walk in the streets of Liyue Harbor. You have not visited this place since the time it was nothing but a wasteland of vengeful gods yet now the city was lively. Their were children running around and playing, street vendors attracting customers, lovers walking hand in hand. All this was fruit of your victories of war, was it not? Would it be such a sin to enjoy it?

Your thoughts are cut short when you feel someone grab you and harshly pull you into an alleyway.

"Xingqiu?" Was your first thought.

"We couldn't be more different."

You turn to the voice and find a light haired male, matching the description as someone in Xingqiu's stories.

"Chongyun."

He nods, seemingly unamused, then he glares, "What did you say to Xingqiu?"

"Hurtful things I shouldn't have," You admit, wincing at the memory.

Chongyun sees the glint of guilt in your eyes, "Well you better fix it."

"Where can I find him?"

You shock him with your eagerness. Perhaps... you weren't so bad Chongyun thought.

He brings you to Xingqiu's residence.

"Climb the window," He says. "I'll wait here. He won't talk to me."

Xingqiu mentioned a strict household once but you never expected that the only way out was sneaking through a window, though.

You, despite eons of combat training, quite clumsily stumble into the room.

There was no sign of Xingqiu... other than the uneven lump, the shape of Xingqiu under the blankets.

"Go away, Chongyun." He says, in a rather raspy voice.

You feel extremely guilty again. You caused this. This was your fault. Maybe he was better of without you-

No. No. These were the kind of thoughts that put you both in this situation in the first place. You were no longer going to listen to them.

"It's me, Xingqiu," Finally announcing yourself.

You here a small gasp but after that, nothing more.

Not knowing where to start or what to say, you settle on continuing the conversation that got cut off by your paranoid thoughts last time.

"I was once a mortal."

"Why are you still here? Don't you have someone else's heart to break?"

Well... at least now he was talking.

You decide to continue talking.

"I had a lover."

A yaksha. A strong and kind yaksha. A most gentle and lively man who never failed to save lives and vanquish foes. He always told you of his dreams to serve the geo archon and bring peace to the land.

"How long will you stay with me?" You ask, playing with his hair.

"Forever."

But he lied.

He fell victim to corruption after all the blood had been spilled and all the sins had been sinned.

He went on a rampage, destroying everything he came across and killing anyone who stood in his way. Innocent or sinner.

Except for you.

So you were the one to put an end to it all as you quite literally pierced an arrow through his heart.

And you regretted it. Inconsolable, you were.

Morax took pity on you and offered you what had been your lover's dream to serve, his powers, and eternal life.

"This vision isn't mine, Xingqiu. It's his," You finish the story, grasping the electro vision tightly.

"Xingqiu, I owe you an apology. I'm not exactly stable. I thought I didn't deserve nice things. I thought... I thought that by loving you, I would doom one of us to infinite suffering while the other, death," You admit, tearfully. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I-"

His arms wrap around your waist. It's almost scary how you didn't notice him get up and make his way toward you how low your guard was.

"I love you, Xingqiu."

"I love you too, (Y/N)."

"Miss (Y/N)," Chongyun calls out, when he passes by you in the street one day.

"I don't know if this means anything to you... but your vision seems to be at peace. I cannot explain this either. It has an aura as if it were alive."

You hold the hilt of your sword, aiming it at the vision that was currently on the ground.

Xingqiu places a kiss on your cheek before stepping back. "Whenever you're ready."

Months past after your reconciliation with him. The both of you have been happy together ever since.

The only way for you to become mortal again was to destroy the thing that bound you to immortality. The vision.

When you first told Xingqiu, he was hesitant. To think you'd give up your powes and eternal life just to grow old with him. But this was your choice. You spent years taking lives and saving them. Now you just wanted to take back your own. To live your own.

You inhale sharply and with all your force, bring the sword down.

It shatters the vision into a thousand glistening pieces. Sorrowful yet calm and beautiful. You had long forgiven the yaksha. And it seems he, you.

Xingqiu snakes a hand around your waist and pulls you so that you're facing him. You inch your face closer to his and kiss him, it was a long kiss that left you out of breath. The kind of kiss that told you everything would be alright. The kind you read about in books.

"How long will you stay with me?" He asks.

"Forever."

And there were no lies this time.

#xingqiu x reader #xingqiu #genshin impact #genshin x reader #genshin angst #genshin fluff

97 notes · View notes