Already Broken
Summary: Soldier Boy fools around with someone that's supposed to be insignificant. But he finds himself more drawn than he could ever be.
Genre: romance, angst
Characters: Soldier Boy x female reader
WARNING: cursing, violence, smoking, mentions of weed, depictions of sex, mentions of abuse, character death, minors dni -- It's Soldier Boy, he is the warning.
a/n: this man.. I can't.
Masterlist
It didn't matter who he was.
You didn't care, as long as he showed up with the money or weed he promised.
"So, what time you get off today, darlin'?"
Ben sat in the booth, having his lunch where he always does -- the diner you worked at. It was small, grimy, but a local favorite.
"Soon, in about half an hour." You replied. "What do you want?"
He smirked. "You know what I want. Keep the change, I'll see you later tonight."
You first met Ben when he was saving your boss, the diner owner, from being robbed. That's mostly why he always eats at the diner, his payment for saving your boss was a free meal each day (though he leaves tips anyway).
After having you serve him, Ben didn't want anybody else. He would only ask for you, and that sparked your deal with him. In reality, it was just an opportunity for blackmail.
He caught you smoking in the back alley one time, and after threatening to spill the beans to your boss, he decided to keep your little secret. In exchange of your services -- after hours.
He'd come, fuck you over, and leave money. You took offense at first, but at this point you didn't care. It was money that you needed, and he fucked you good.
By the time you reached your apartment, Ben was already inside waiting for you.
"There's my sweet." He sighed in relief before spreading his legs and smirking, "Strip."
Rolling your eyes, you took off your clothes, showing him your naked body underneath the waitress uniform you had to wear.
"Mm, no underwear under that short skirt? Baby, you should've told me earlier." Ben stood up, circling around you, his breath right next to your ear. "Would've taken you right then and there."
You gulped, feeling his cold uniform touching your bare skin.
You know the rest.
------
Sometimes you wonder if what you're doing with Soldier Boy is worth it. Yes, he's charming, he has that je ne sais quoi factor, and God was he handsome. The only problem was that he's ruthless, and calling him a 'bad guy' was an understatement.
"You're scared of me." He stated the obvious while lying naked on your bed. "Why?"
"Are you really asking why?" You snorted as you put on some clothes. "You could literally snap my head off at any moment you like. That fact isn't exactly comforting."
He smiled, "Aw, but I won't do that. I like you, you're fun to keep around."
"Very reassuring."
He had stuck the money on the fridge with a magnet, like he always does. It still makes you feel bad, makes you feel like a whore, but you needed the money -- at this point, you are a whore.
"What's on your mind?"
"Nothing."
He frowned, a smile of disbelief on his face. "Usually you'd already be smoking by now."
"I can't." You said, "My brother's coming to visit and he's staying. I need to look like I have my shit together."
"Brother? I didn't know you had a brother."
You raised a brow. "Cause I don't need to tell you. Anyway, you can't come over for the next week."
It was his turn to raise a brow. "What do you mean I can't?"
"I can't have my brother look at me like this -- with obvious sex bruises."
"Sounds like you're even more scared of your brother than me." He joked, but when he saw the look in your eyes he started to wonder.
"Oh, you are scared of him."
"He's my brother." You swallowed thickly, grabbing yourself a glass of water. "He's just strict."
Ben looked at you for a minute before deciding to let the topic go. "Well, whoever he is, I'm still coming over. He can't stop me from getting my daily dose of addiction."
He left a kiss on your neck before leaving your apartment. "I'll see you soon, baby doll."
-------
Yes, you're scared of your brother.
It sounds silly, but when you were kids he used to hit you -- playfully at first, but then it got more serious. He called you names that he would disguise as playful and harmless, and you believed all he said.
That's why as you're picking him up, you're nervous as hell.
"Took you long enough."
"Hi to you too." You sighed, "Come on, my apartment's just down the block."
He handed you his bag and walked ahead. "Keep up, dumbass."
"Why are you here, anyway?"
"What, I can't visit my little sister?" He said in a 'loving' tone. "My friends are gonna hang. I'll just be here for a few days."
Thank God. You thought to yourself.
Your brother, Kyle, immediately went to your fridge to find some food.
"Help yourself..." you muttered.
"What did you say?" He frowned.
"Nothing," You sighed, dropping his bag on the couch while you cleaned up some dishes.
Kyle leaned against the counter. "Damn straight. You're starting to disrespect me. I should check in on you more often."
"I'm an adult, Kyle." You protested, "You don't need to protect me."
Big air quotes on protect.
"You're still my little sister." He sighed, "I don't want anything to happen to you."
For a moment there you felt like Kyle's changed. Maybe he's different now. Maybe he's no longer the ass-
"What the fuck?" Kyle squinted at the bruise he could see under your shirt. "Is that a fucking hickey?"
You pulled your shirt. "No, um, it's-"
"It is!" He scoffed, "God, I'm out there working my ass off and you're here just whoring around town? Jesus Christ."
"I'm not-"
"Get a real job, Y/N. Oh wait, sorry, you already have one -- being the community slut."
It was rage that you were feeling. Your hands were sweating, your heart was beating too fast for its own good, and your hand was holding a glass.
You did what you always do, breathe in and out. Count to ten. Don't let him get to you--
"Who the fuck would want you now? Worthless. Since the moment you were born."
Until that last comment somehow triggered your arm to swing and hit his head. The glass in your hand shattered into pieces when it hit his head, and Kyle was now lying on the ground, unconscious.
You weren't sure what happened -- no, you know exactly what happened.
Your hands were shaking while you tried to balance yourself.
What did you do?
How- why- shit-
"Shit."
You heard a familiar voice at the entrance of your apartment.
"Ben.. I-"
"Don't move." He said, warning you about the glass that was everywhere. Ben moved closer to Kyle, checking his pulse, though he knew the chances were slim. There was a big piece of glass that went through his skull.
"Is.. Is he?"
Ben stood up and covered you away from Kyle. "Come on, let's get you cleaned up."
"Ben, is he- is my brother.. I didn't mean to, I.. I couldn't.." You struggled with your words, chest heaving in panic because you realize what you'd just done.
Ben checked your hands for any cuts, but luckily they were small. "Don't look at him. Look at me. You're okay, alright? You don't need to explain to me what happened."
"But I-"
"Shh, it's okay." Ben pulled you into a hug, making sure you face away from Kyle's body.
It wasn't like Ben to act like this, to put someone else before him. He had no intentions to protect you, but the moment he saw the fear in your eyes, it was like instinct.
"Listen to me, here's what's gonna happen."
-------
Things moved fast. One moment you were picking up your brother, and now his body is being carried away to the morgue. Ben did all the talking to the police.
His story?
You're his secret girlfriend who has an abusive brother. When he arrived at your apartment he saw your brother hitting you in ways unimaginable. He did the only thing he knew how to.
The story wasn't a lie, except for the last part.
Ben wanted to protect you, but you knew damn well you killed your own brother. The guilt, the shame -- it was eating you up. And Ben could see it.
Ben managed to convince the authorities that you're too much in shock to speak, and he brought you back with him to his place.
"Hey," He called out softly, rubbing your back. "How are you holding up?"
He couldn't believe he's actually being nice, for once.
You sat on his bed and looked at him. "You're being nice to me."
He chuckled. "You just went through something traumatic. It's gonna take a while for you to get through it."
You mouth went dry.
"I.. I killed my brother."
"You were defending yourself."
"Against what? His words?" You scoffed, "He was yelling at me.. he was being fucking condescending and I just.. I lost it."
Ben reached for a blunt he casually had nearby and passed it to you.
"He was abusing you. Maybe not physically, but it doesn't matter. He's been doing that to you your entire life." He said. "If you ask me, it's about time he learnt his lesson."
"He's dead, Ben. He didn't learn anything."
The blunt was gone fast.
Ben stayed with you for the entire day, even though sometimes you didn't know what to say. Ben didn't know what to say either, he just knew he couldn't leave you alone.
At one point, Ben carried you to his bathroom. He ran a bath, made sure it was warm, and sat behind you, washing your hair.
"Why are you being nice?"
"You just went through something, sweetheart. I'm trying to take care of you."
You looked down. "I know, but you didn't have to. You could've just left me, watch me get arrested.. but instead you lied for me. You took the blame. Wait, what's gonna happen to you? Aren't you going to get in trouble?"
He chuckled, "Sweetheart, I'm Soldier Boy. I can do anything I want."
You turned to face him. It was the first time you saw his expression so gentle, so kind.
Ben let you rest your head on his chest while he rubs your fingers, knowing well that you could still feel the glass breaking in your hands. He couldn't handle you looking at him like that, it made him feel things.
"You know, I was alone when I got here." He started. "Everything was dark, I couldn't find my way. And then I met you, and.. I don't know, things just started falling into place."
"I didn't do anything though."
"That's the crazy part." He smiled, "You were just there. Whether I needed you or not, you're always there. Even if you only did it for the money, or the drugs, I don't care."
Ben didn't want to add any more to your plate. You've had quite the day. So he just held you and massaged your sore shoulders.
"Just stay and let me be here, alright? We'll figure out everything else tomorrow."
"..Alright."
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okay speaking of wrestling and also apropos of 'Rita drags him in by his tie', I was previously having Thoughts about imminently post Got His Ass wherein Rita is bound and determined to drag Nureyev kicking and screaming back into being family again so uh. scenario.
Rita corners Nureyev for A Conversation after they Get His Ass, like plot resolution denouement loose ends and stuff where he's in the clear debt-wise, made his peace with Slip however that looks, he and Juno Have Talked but they're like just on the other side of Having Talked. like Things Are Okay but also everything's just so raw and they're being So Careful with each other, it's like the early days on the Carte Blanche again and it's hard to shake the feeling that any more disturbance is going to topple whatever they're trying to rebuild
so Nureyev is just. his whole brain is full of fire alarms. he's vibrating in place like a greyhound that just got picked up at the shelter after it got spooked and ran away from home. this time he has no high ground as the injured party, he and Rita have known each other for a year now so there's a lot less of her initial 'sniff out the new beau' hesitancy, and sure he knows Rita well enough that it's obvious she's not gonna up and Ruin Him on purpose when she wholeheartedly volunteered to get him out of the mess he was in but still. she's the most unpredictable person he's ever met, he has no idea how this is going to go.
like logically he knows that he and Juno are working shit out and logically he knows that Rita's kinder than the people in her life deserve and might continue to tolerate him, but ultimately she's Juno's best friend who might well just be about to give him the mother of all 'you're on thin fucking ice' shovel talks, like she can't possibly still approve of him anymore right??
so he's scrambling to do preemptive damage control, he's throwing everything he's got into trying to Fix This. going on about how he knows what she must think of him and how sorry he is and that all he has to say for himself is that he only wanted to keep Juno safe, that he couldn't bear the thought of dragging him down with him, not when he was free and their family was together and he knows he should have ended it when Juno asked him to and he just wasn't strong enough and Rita's like. yeah that's nice i know Mista' Nureyev, hey can I tell you what I said to Mista' Steel when he told me about leaving you in that hotel?
and Nureyev shuts up and braces himself and nods very seriously and then she's like, actually you might wanna take off your glasses for this, and now he's extra confused and possibly even more terrified, and she waits until he's put them in a little case and set it on a side table and then there's just kind of a blur and a whole Rita NYEEERRRRRRAAaGGHHH!!!! noise and WHOOMP
pillow to the face
(for context. in my brain. I sorta presume that Juno told her about what happened with Miasma at some point in the aftermath of Newtown bc he owed her an explanation about both times he went missing, and yes she was glad that Juno didn't run away on an adventure across the galaxy without her but she knows a dick move when she sees one and also probably has the full context of baby Mista' Steel's self-sabotaging romantic choices (Juno said there was a whole thing about him walking out when he was with Diamond so I am assuming that Rita was privy to any number of related incidents over the course of those years). finding out that he passed up the chance to run away on a romantic adventure with the mysterious and dashing gentleman who he'd been mooning over for month, who was apparently also smitten with him the whole time and saved his life and tried to take care of him when he lost his eye?? she waited until he was staring into the bottom of his glass and then started whaling on him with a pillow)
anyway Nureyev doesn't get a chance to do much except yelp and sputter and get his arms up before she whacks him with the pillow again. and again. and starts yelling like 'YOu! are! such! a! big! dumb! baBY! Just! 'Cause! YOU! Think! People're better off! Without you! Don't make you! All! Noble 'n stuff!'
and he gets with the program pretty fast, which is to say that he's just on the floor letting her do her worst because that's just what's happening now
'alright I yield! I surrender! have mercy your honor!'
'DAMN! RIGHT! YOU! DO! DidN'T! Captain! Mom! Teach! you! aNYThInG! Big! Stupid! Tough guy! Tryin'a! Do it all! Yourself! We're! S'posed to be! FaMBLY! Now you're! Stuck with us! FoReVeR!!'
tackles him with the pillow. starts tickling him. both of them are shrieking. he vaguely registers that Juno has appeared and is slouching in the doorway 'my love i beg of you call off the attack i'll do anything' and Juno's like 'sorry honey i'm a little busy' and is holding up something that is probably comms-shaped and 'Nooooo, Juno how could you, JUNO SINCE WHEN DO YOU KNOW HOW TO RECORD THINGS'
(and the thing is Nureyev was just letting it happen because he assumed this was catharsis for Rita's sake and sure it's not not for Rita getting it out of her system but she processes things pretty fast you know? and she runs out of steam and goes off to get a snack and he's just there on the floor with his hair in his face kinda punch-drunk and Juno sidles up and sits beside him and whoops turns out Rita found the Release Feelings Valve and Juno's like 'yeah she does that. went a lot easier on me but I think that was mostly because I'd just gotten out of the hospital when i told her about all that.')
(a couple months later Ruby turns up to scoop Jet in the nick of time from a dangerous raid on Dark Matters and he asks what it's been up to and it pulls up the footage that Juno copied to the databanks. he gets a good kick out of the fact that Rita was on the same page about the whole 'he is solitary and overconfident and alone he can only fail' thing and that she got the opportunity to address it in the most rita way possible)
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