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amalthiaph · 5 hours

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I took an interest in The Bad Batch around the tailend of S2. It's not news to Tumblr that I almost slept on this show. And I cannot thank Caleb Dume enough for being the reason why I pressed the play button for this one. While I haven't been around for most of its active run, and I wish I had been, the last year has been among the best months of my life.

This show challenged my morals, and taught me lessons that I will forever take with me.

Tech taught me to embrace and take pride in who I am. I now think that I am not something that needs to be cured. I needed to be understood and accepted. He taught me that we deserved to be loved and be allowed to live the way we want to (as long as we are not causing harm to ourselves or to others).

Hunter taught me that at the end of the day, we're all still humans. We make mistakes. We fail. But we can learn from them, and we can strive to be better. And I should also take care of my hair bec I cannot accept that a man in a galactic war have better hair than me (Okay, did you honestly think I'm gonna be serious this entire essay?)

Crosshair taught me that at the end of the day, we really are still humans. Sometimes, we make choices that not everyone will understand or agree to. Sometimes, we don't even understand our own choices. But we can learn from them, and we can strive to be better. And that I should also go to therapy bec istg my hand shakes like hell I always need to rely on a pen stabilizer when doing my artworks.

Wrecker taught me that in this world where we can be anything, always choose to be kind. He is a great man who would always be there for everyone, and I hope that one day, I can be that person too. He is afraid of heights, but he climbs and go on high places anyway. Like him, I should also start conquering my fears. Dear Wrecker, I did try conquering my fear of heights last March 9 but I can't. I will try again.

Echo taught me to always fight for the greater good. Almost two years ago, me and a group of people campaigned for a great tomorrow. With pink flags and pink balloons, we worked on our little thing I like to call our rebellion. Sadly, we lost. At times, I am thinking of just giving up bec that's democracy and I cannot go against the people's decision, but characters like Echo and the rest of Rogue One taught me that nothing should ever stop me for fighting for the people's rights and that my love for my fellow citizens should always come first before hatred.

And lastly, Omega taught me to be curious, or more likely to not be ashamed for being curious. Learn about the world. Learn about lots of things. We never know when we need it. While I could say be good at strategy and win 30 grand on card games, nahhh, I'm not that smart.

I also learned to reevalutate myself as an artist. This show taught me integrity. I had ranted about this lately but these characters challenged me in terms of art. I knew that the creators aren't best at proper representation. While I could draw them as they are in the show, I choose to stand for what is right, and represent them as properly as my skills could. In the more technical side, I became good at drawing armors. And this little Actors AU Draw Series taught me to be responsible; I tried my very best to create and post them on time. This increased my productivity.

But enough about me.

There's something I realized two nights ago; we, the fandom, are Bad Batchers ourselves. We can consider ourselves a family, but not one of us is the same and we're all interesting, and capable in our own unique ways. We can have our own opinion and stand about something and still coexist. Like our favorite charactera, we embrace and celebrate our differences.

This show may end. No more Bad Batch Eves, no more cryptic tweets that cause us to hyperventilate, no more Bad Batch Wednesdays but it will live on, through us.

I know there will be a day where we decrease in number, one by one, little by little, but still, the show will live on through our actions, our opinions, our choices we make after May 1, 2024 because I know that all of us were changed in some ways by these characters and this show.

To the crew, your cryptic tweets caused me sleepless nights, but thank you so, so much. It is through your hardwork that we had this wonderful show. Thank you for making every second of the past year so worthwhile and enjoyable for me and for everyone.

However this show will end, whether happy or sad, I am glad it happened. However short my time was with them, I am happy I had been here. However short my time with everyone in the fandom was or if some of you leave one day, still, thank you so much for being part of my life; I am so happy I met all of you.

To Clone Force 99, thank you. I've never loved anything like this before. May the Force be with you.

#the bad batch #tbb s3 #tbb #star wars #amalthia cried while writing this

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queen-haq · 3 days

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Fic: Never You, Part 8 (Polin fic)

Fandom: Bridgerton (TV show)

Spoilers: S3 released scenes.

Summary: They may have been friends once but his callous words decimated their relationship. Determined not to have anything to do with him, Penelope is ready to move on. But Colin isn’t giving up, not at all. Friends or not, they are connected for life - and he intends to remind her of that.

Excerpt:

“You would hate me for not wanting to court you. You would be that selfish?”

“Of course you would think that.”

“What else is this if not punishment?”

Masterlist (contains links to previous parts and my other stories)

A03 link if that's more your jam

With her heart and mind in complete shambles the next day, the last place Penelope wanted to be at was the Bridgerton Manor. But there she was, cushioned between Lady Violet and her own mother for afternoon tea. As if things weren’t difficult enough, the Cowpers were also in attendance, which meant she was forced to watch Eloise and Cressida act like the best of friends. Occasionally Eloise would glance at her from the other side of the room, as if to gauge her reaction. The optimistic part of Penelope hoped it was because her former friend still cared, but the cynic in her knew otherwise. Eloise wanted to make it crystal clear that Penelope was alone now. Without Eloise, without the Bridgertons, she was an outsider. And who better to emphasize that point with than Cressida Cowper herself. The tall blonde had bullied Penelope since they were little girls, and now Eloise had joined forces with Satan herself. As if on cue, Cressida cast her a disparaging glance, whispering something in Eloise’s ears before both women exchanged a spiteful smile.

It was one thing to have Eloise be angry at her, that Penelope understood and could live with, but to see Eloise and Cressida’s blossoming friendship felt like an arrow through the heart. And it hurt, it hurt so much.

The night of the ball Penelope would’ve done anything to reconcile with Eloise, but since then she came to realize a lot of hard truths. The ton, Eloise, Colin – they only accepted her as long as she followed their rules. A woman like her, shy and large, not borne into wealth or beauty wasn’t allowed to want things. She had to remain voiceless, live in the shadow of others, not expect to be loved or cherished. The moment she refused to play the part of an insipid wallflower she was punished. And that was fine, she would live with the consequences of the choices she made. But what she wouldn’t do was reveal her pain for anyone’s enjoyment. So Eloise could be as snide as she wanted, she and Cressida could humiliate her to their heart’s content but they would never conquer her publicly.

“Penelope, you looked lovely at the VanGuard soiree.”

Breaking out of her reverie, Penelope smiled at Lady Violet. “Thank you.”

“The various shades of green have been a surprise,” Portia chimed in, sipping her tea. “I wasn’t with Penelope the day she went to the modiste and Miss Delacroix certainly took advantage of that. Probably talked my foolish child into buying all the unused fabrics she couldn’t sell to others.”

“I doubt Miss Delacroix has to resort to trickery to sell her clothes,” Penelope replied.

“She is very much in demand as a dressmaker,” Lady Violet added.

“Hmph…” was her mama’s response. “I suppose it could have been much worse. At least the green doesn’t wash out her complexion too much.”

Violet responded with a stiff smile. “I thought it suited her quite well.” She turned to Penelope. “We’ve missed having you here for tea.”

Penelope merely smiled.

“I suppose my Cressida has kept Eloise so busy these past few weeks she hasn’t had time for… others.” Penelope had to stop herself from rolling her eyes at Lady Cowper. The apple certainly didn’t fall far from the condescending tree.

“I’m sure that will be rectified soon,” Lady Violet replied, a hopeful tilt to her voice.

Penelope didn’t have the heart to tell her things had irrevocably changed. Eloise refused to understand her motivations, and Penelope wasn’t willing to fall on her sword to make things right between them.

“Mother, Cressida and I are going to take a stroll in the gardens,” Eloise announced, linking her arms through Cressida's as they both headed out of the room.

Lady Violet’s warm eyes gleamed with compassion as she directed her attention back to Penelope. “Would you like to join them?”

That was the last thing she wanted. “Is it alright if I visit the library?”

“Yes, of course.”

The stern look on Portia’s face indicated she wasn’t happy about Penelope spending time in the stuffy Bridgerton library but Penelope didn’t care. It was a room she loved, filled with many warm, comforting memories of happier times.

Excusing herself, she walked away from the prying eyes of the mothers, desperate for a moment alone. Her stomach was still tied in knots, her head pounding. She had stayed awake most of the night in Colin’s arms, inhaling him in and etching everything about him to her memory. At the same time her guilty conscience had warred with her heart, reminding her of the horrible mistake she was making. It was only when fatigue took over that she managed to get some sleep. By the time she woke up Colin had already left, and she had spent the morning agonizing over what to tell Arthur.

Penelope quietly walked to the library, grateful it was in the opposite wing from where the bedchambers were. The last thing she needed was to run into Colin; after last night, she was too embarrassed to face him.

Stepping inside the library, she shut the door behind. She closed her eyes. Breathed in the air, the smell of books infusing her senses. Sunlight peeked in through the windows, casting shadows across the room. As children she and Eloise had spent countless hours playing hide and seek between the shelves. This room had also been a haven when Mama and Papa fought, or those days Mama had been especially harsh about her eating habits. Penelope would sneak away and make her way into the Bridgerton library through the gardens and the back door, desperate for a quiet place to simply be.

She crossed the room, walking to the window which overlooked the south section of the garden. Staring out, she caught a glimpse of Cressida and Eloise walking together, engaged in deep conversation. It was Cressida’s facial expression that caught her attention. The blonde, usually so smarmy and full of herself, seemed almost shy next to Eloise, even vulnerable. Apparently they were friends.

Taking a deep breath, she walked further into the room, behind the shelves, to the hidden alcove.

Her heart was heavy, her mind still fraught with guilt. She had spent the morning writing and rewriting to Arthur, debating on how much to tell him. In the end, she decided to keep it short.

I made a mistake. One I’m not sure you can forgive me for. It’s best if we speak in person.

Tears welled in her eyes, her throat tightened with emotion.

As hurtful as Colin’s words had been about not courting her, at least they finally revealed what his true thoughts were. He didn’t love her, nor would he ever, and no amount of wishing would make it so. And ultimately, his honesty had been a gift because it allowed her to get through the pain and open her mind to pursue someone new. She hadn’t gone looking for Arthur, but when he’d come into her life she hadn’t closed herself off either. She may not have loved him madly like Colin but she held deep affection for him. There was also mutual respect between them and friendship. He understood what writing meant to her and pledged his full support, and that was a rare quality amongst men in their society. She had so much to look forward to and it was all gone now, completely eviscerated because of her own foolishness.

Tears fell down her cheeks while she pondered the bleak future ahead of her. Without any marriage prospects, she was doomed to be a spinster. Unlike Eloise, she wanted a husband and children, a contented marriage, a home where she would finally belong. As a spinster, however, she would most likely spend the rest of her life with Portia and be the sole recipient of her mother’s criticisms. Oh God. No, no, no, just the thought of that made her panic. Heart pounding, she clutched her chest, utterly dejected about her broken dreams.

“Pen? What’s wrong?”

She turned around to find Colin standing a few feet away. She swiped the tears from her face, quickly composing herself. “Nothing, I just have some dirt in my eyes.” While he crossed the room in only a few strides, she gave him a cursory smile. Seeing the concern on his face, she quickly averted her eyes away from him. “I need to return to the sitting room. Mama must be waiting for me.”

“You’ve been crying.” There was fear in his voice when he spoke. “What’s wrong?

She shook her head. “I’m fine-”

“I know I haven’t been a good friend to you recently. I wasn’t there when your father passed, I’ve been callous with your feelings – but please, Pen, give me a chance to help you. Tell me what’s wrong.”

Despite using all her resolve to hold it together, she started to shake. The lump in her throat made it impossible to speak. She closed her eyes, trying to keep her tears in check. She couldn’t bear for him to see her when she was feeling so low and pathetic.

All of a sudden his arms wrapped around her, enveloping her in a warm, comforting hug. “It’s alright. You don’t need to tell me, you don’t fully trust me yet. But please let me hold you for a while?”

It may have been posed as a question, yet his tight embrace indicated he wouldn’t let go even if she refused. And she tried, she tried to hold onto her pride and fight him off, but he was stronger and more resolute and eventually she gave in. The solace he offered made her crumble and she buried her face in his chest, crying silently in his arms.

For the longest while he simply hugged her, murmuring tender words, dropping light kisses on the crown of her head. He felt so strong yet gentle, offering his support, and her heart yearned for him. If only he could love her, want her for who she truly was. She let herself indulge in that fantasy for a few minutes, pondering life with him as his wife, being family with the Bridgertons, even having Eloise back as her best friend. She could continue to write, and they would be supportive without judging her. Her life would be perfect, she would never need for anything again.

Time held no meaning. All she felt was the warmth of his touch, his scent blanketing her senses, making her feel safe and secure in his grasp. Nestled in his arms, she listened to his heartbeat. Strong, slow, steady. Whereas her heart was pounding rapidly, like it always did when she was around him. A stark reminder of how much she was affected by him, whilst he wasn’t at all by her.

And that was enough for her mind to stop dwelling in the fantasy of Colin. There was never any possibility of a future with him. And she was absurd for letting herself daydream about it.

The tears stopped. A calm logic fell over her.

She took a deep breath.

Her foolish heart may have cost her a future with Arthur but that didn’t mean she was out of options.

She had amassed a small fortune already. And with any luck, the investments she made would continue to grow in value. While nothing would change her status as a spinster, that didn’t mean she had to live with Mama for the rest of her life. She could leave and build a life elsewhere, without her mother’s approval. In secret if she had to.

It wouldn’t be easy, but not impossible. After all, she had built Lady Whistledown from nothing. And now her nom de plume was one of the most influential names in the ton. She was Penelope Featherington and she could do anything she set her mind to.

“Who made you cry, Penelope?”

His words instantly brought her back to reality, and she was reminded of how desperately she was clinging to him. Immediately she dropped her arms, intending to step back but he didn’t release his grip on her. Instead, he tucked his finger under her chin and nudged her head up to meet his gaze.

It was then she noticed the dark storm brewing in his gaze. There was anger in his eyes, on his face, his jaw clenched. The Colin she grew up with was cheery and affable, equally popular amongst ladies and gentlemen of the ton because of his friendly nature. But he wasn’t the same man staring back at her now, seething with rage, a strange viciousness vibrating off of him.

“No one gets to hurt you, Penelope.”

He wasn’t loud or boisterous with his threat, instead his tone was quiet which made his words even more dangerous. Because he wasn’t putting on an act. He meant every word.

His thumb swiped the tear stains from her cheeks, first left, then right, before trailing down to her lips. His breathing grew more shallow with every second, and his eyes held her transfixed, making it impossible for her to look away from him. She was his prisoner, body and soul.

“Tell me who it was.”

She swallowed audibly. “Why do you care?”

“Because you're everything to me.” His arms encircled her back, pulling her against him. “And I will destroy the fucking world before I let someone hurt you again."

There was no time to argue, to think. A palpable force compelled them together, as real as the air they breathed. His lips closed over hers, kissing her possessively, and she kissed him back with equal fervor, desperate to touch him. The pull between them was too much, yet not enough. His hands all over her body, pulling at her dress, hers frantically removing his waistcoat and shirt because she wanted – no, needed – to feel his bare skin on hers again. They were spiraling towards full madness. Nothing else mattered except his mouth dragging down her neck, trailing a path of heated kisses. On his knees now, she clutched his hair as his mouth sought out her breasts. The friction from his mouth laving her hardened nipple over the fabric of her dress was electric. She couldn’t take it, rolling her head back at the sheer intensity of it.

"Colin! What are you doing?”

Penelope's eyes flew open.

Standing on the other side of the room was Eloise, watching them with complete horror on her face.

#polin #penelope x colin #colin x penelope #bridgerton #colin bridgerton #penelope featherington #never you #my fics

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drunkkenobi · 2 days

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Well. This is the weirdest one of these I’ve ever made.

I’m not going to rehash the wank from the Watcher TV announcement. You all know what happened. I am standing by my assertion that this streaming platform is the only way they’re going to stay afloat because YouTube is just not the place for them or anyone else making videos that aren’t just of one person in their house. (nothing against those folks, it’s just a completely different business model)

Anyway.

First up, here’s how Mystery Files season 2 did. It did well, with each ep hitting a million fairly quickly, but it didn’t do as well as season 1. Not significantly worse, just not as high. (two weeks after season 1 ended, the average per episode was 1.854 and for s2 it’s at 1.194million) Of course, the two weeks since season 2 ended have been fucking insane so it’s impossible to say how much of that is a factor.

I will say that views between last week and this week are down overall, but that’s expected. If someone has paid for the streamer and you want to rewatch Ghost Files or whatever, you’re going to watch it ad-free on the app you pay for and not YouTube for the most part. Also it’s very possible people are just not rewatching stuff right now for their own personal reasons, which is fine. I also just don’t think it’s something to worry about.

For better or worse, the Goodbye YouTube video is the best opening weekend Watcher has ever had (and will have?) on YouTube.

Watcher lost around 100k subscribers over The Announcement but, again, if people are paying them directly now then this is kind of a non-factor. For posterity, they’re at 2.84 million subscribers today.

I’m not sure what else to say this time, tbh! It felt like a good time to make one of these with MF season 2 being over but YouTube viewcounts are just…not going to be important anymore for Watcher so there’s not much to say about them. Finding out that a million views only nets between $10-30k has been very eye-opening to me about how piddly the revenue from YouTube is for a production studio like Watcher. The shows they want to make just cost more than they can make off of there. It’s that simple. No one has to like that fact, but that is the heart of all this.

Also, with all of that being said, I think my time as a spreadsheet gremlin is coming to a close. I’m going to keep up with it for a few more weeks and probably do one last round-up for every single video’s views, but with Watcher moving away from YouTube as a business model, there’s little reason to keep up with these. I’ve been making these updates less this year anyway because of a job change and I was losing my steam for it a bit too, so the timing feels right. Like I said, this won’t be my last viewcount post, but maybe second-to-last? And who knows, maybe I’ll check in when Ghost Files premieres but the counts will mean so much less now that the videos will premiere with a month delay from the streamer. We’ll just have to wait and see how the wind blows on this.

Thank you all, as always, for reading, reblogging, replying, liking these posts. Y’all are the reason I’ve kept up with it for four years (and my own nosiness but having encouragement helps!). And don’t worry, I’m sure I’ll have some other spreadsheets to share in the future of Watcher fandom. (I have…so many) So, until next time, thanks again. ❤️

#watcher #my spreadsheets

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the-tech-turn · 7 hours

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My goodbyes to the members of Bad Batch

(I was inspired by someone else who also did this, but I can't find them. If anyone know who the op is, please tell me so I can credit them)

(Not spell checked, btw)

TECH

Tech -my beloved-.you have helped me gain confidence when it comes to my intelligence. Last year I was very insecure about my intelligence since I was the “advanced student”. Because of that title I was afraid to ask questions, afraid of not meeting that title. My self esteem relied on my grades and even though I would have an A I was disappointed it wasn't 100 percent. But because of you I learned that I don't have to prove myself to anyone and although I may struggle with it from time to time it's a lot better than last year. You also have been a big source of comfort for me. I would love to listen to you ramble endlessly. Your voice is a voice that I have learned to love and adore. In fact I cried when I realized I would hear your voice this season. I also see you as a person who would listen to me ramble and have a genuine conversation with. Something that I rarely have. You are a strong, intelligent, determined, and loving person. That is why you have a special place in my heart. Thank you Tech for all the things you have helped me with.

ECHO

I was pretty young when I watched The Clone wars. At that time I wasn't invested with starwars the way I am now. So I never really paid attention to what I was watching. I remember part of it like watching the attack on Kamino. In all honesty I don't remember watching you at all. But subconsciously I may remember since you are one of my favorite clones. Heck even characters. I really like how competent and funny you. To me it shows that even after all that you have been through you can still be an amazing person. I think that's an important message to send. I also like how you want to keep fighting for your brothers. It shows how much you care for them, even the ones you haven't met. I love how you are willing to take dangerous risks for people to love. It shows so much about you. And finally I love how you were able to find healthy coping mechanisms and make the most of your situation. You aren't the same person as before the trauma but you aren't left worse off. Echo you are the perfect example of “you aren't what happens to you it's what you do with what happens' ' and I want to be like you.

WRECKER

Wrecker, you and I are a lot alike. We are both affectionate, loud when we're excited, and caring. I adore how you openly show Lula! You aren't ashamed of her and I think that's incredible. To be proud of who you are and being able to feel unashamed by others trying to put you down is an amazing life skill to have. I think it is amazing how you were always willing to take Crosshair back. I can tell how much you love him. It broke my heart to hear you scream after Tech as he fell. You love all of your brothers and to see one of them die and being unable to help them is something I never want to face. But you are somehow able to still keep your positivity. You seem like the person your brothers go to for reassurance due to your loving and affectionate nature. I hope that whatever happens tomorrow in the finale won't take that away from you.

HUNTER

You are an amazing father/brother to Omega and your brothers. You want what is best for them and try to help them. You are a caring person. It is just how you are. This allows you to empathize with people more easily. It is also your caring nature that drew me to you. You are how I joined Fandom in the first place, and because of that, I made friends with people who want to have a genuine conversation with me(@techwrecker @thefrogdalorian )

You've also allowed me to find people who share my interests. For that I thank you. I admire your determination. You know what you want and no one is going to stop you from getting it. I understand how pressuring it can be when people look up to you and seek you for advice but you manage to pull it off and that is why you are the leader of the batch.

CROSSHAIR

Your journey has been a hard one. You had to see your brothers leave you multiple times. You had to watch Mayday, a reg who you quickly grew to care for and love, die because of the ignorance of the Empire. The same Empire you sacrificed your whole life for. You gave up your relationship with your family, your happiness and individuality. All for the Empire to take 2 of your brothers, and take away what made you different , acceptable to take away the reason you were born and to replace it with trauma.

What you had to live through was cruel and all I can do is hope that you'll be alive to make the pain worth it.

But just because you went through all of this doesn't mean you don't have amazing qualities that I love and admire. Like me you value loyalty. It is why you left the Empire and why you are trying to recuse Omega. You are also very protective of what you care about and it is easy to see how much you care for your brothers and for Omega. I think I like you as much as I do because you remind me of my best friend. She is as stubborn,and snarky, as you but she is also as caring, loyal, thoughtful, and strong as you. It is clear for me to see why Omega never gave up on you. And I want you to know that you deserve the galaxy.

OMEGA

I have loved watching you learn and grow through all of these years. You've grown so far from the girl who didn't know what dirt was. You have faced challenges that would change many people. And in all honesty you have changed; you've changed for the better. You are still the loyal,caring and empathetic person you were before. You are a bit of everyone in the batch

You're as loyal as Crosshair, as caring as Hunter, as strong as Echo and as strategic as Tech. You have so much potential in this galaxy, and I just know wherever the force guides you, you'll never lose your spark.

(I will post my final goodbye to the series tomorrow)

#tbb #the bad batch #star wars #tbb tech #tbb crosshair #tbb echo #tbb hunter #tbb omega #tbb wrecker #tbb goodbyes

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photogirl894 · 19 hours

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I know I've shared before a bit of what The Bad Batch has meant to me, but I just feel that I have so much more I want to say. Though, in all honesty, I don't think I'll ever be able to put into words exactly how much it means to me, but I'll certainly endeavor to do my best 😊

Having grown up with Clone Wars and just being a lifelong Star Wars fan in general, I was excited when the Bad Batch show was announced. Another Star Wars animated show?? Hell yeah!! I was so down for it. I remember going to my parents place to watch it with my family and my friends...and I fell in love SO fast! I remember thinking the Bad Batch were cool in their CW season 7 arc, but that was about it. Something about them in "Aftermath" changed my view of them and having Omega show up, too, made it even better. Then episode 2 came out later that week and I knew I was hooked right as the episode ended.

I had no idea just how much this show would consume my life 😅

I hadn't been so obsessed with a fandom since The Hobbit movies. That fandom was what introduced me to writing fanfiction and to Tumblr. Then Bad Batch was what made me go back to Tumblr and to fanfiction, as well. It made me start writing for the world of Star Wars, a world I didn't think I would ever be able to write for. I came back to Tumblr after a few years cuz once I found myself going so crazy for this show, I knew Tumblr was the right place to find other people just as crazy about it, just like I'd been able to do for the Hobbit.

And boy, was I right!!

I have found almost more people who loved Bad Batch as much as me than I did in my Hobbit days. Every single person I've talked to and interacted with have impacted my life in so many ways. I even had the special privilege of meeting a couple people in person, as well, which were wonderful experiences! I've spent many hours on discord calls either just one on one with certain people or in severs with big groups of people, playing games, chatting and just having a grand time. I've made some of the greatest friends I've ever had here and it's all thanks to the Bad Batch! I would name each person here, but I don't want to accidentally leave anyone out because there are just so many I'd want to mention, but you all know who you are! 💜💜 I mean it when I say I love all of you, every person I've ever interacted with! You all are truly amazing and I seriously hope I'll get to meet more of you in person in the future 💜

Being back on Tumblr also came with its fair share of drama over the past couple years, but if anything, all that made me stronger, more resilient and it also showed me who my true friends are. I'm grateful for those who stood beside me in those times.

Many of you have been there for me through other hard times in my life, when I had awful drama at work or financial troubles or just bad days in general. A lot of you let me vent so many times and offered me kindness, help and advice, which have meant the world to me. Some of you have even supported mine and my friends' Twitch and YouTube channels and have watched our Star Wars D&D streams or our charity streams, which also means so much to me and I can't thank those of you have supported us enough!

I've learned a lot from the Bad Batch over the years, as well.

Hunter taught me to never give up on your family and to fight for what you think is right.

Crosshair taught me to stick to your beliefs and that it's always possible to change.

Echo taught me to always be loyal to your friends and that you can grow beyond your trauma.

Tech taught me to always be who you are, no matter what everyone thinks, and to treasure your knowledge of things.

Wrecker taught me that it's okay to still have a playful side and to never be afraid of sharing what you love with people.

Omega taught me that compassion is not a weakness, but a strength and you're never too small or too young to make a difference.

So much of my life has changed in just 3 years because of this group of ragtag Clones and their exciting adventures in a galaxy far, far away. Even now, I don't think I've said everything I want to say...but I know I've said just enough.

Now, the show is coming to an end...and I'm feeling the same sadness I did when I knew the last Hobbit movie was coming out. Because that means the thing that has given me something to look forward to for so long is ending. I've become so emotionally invested in these characters and stories and I feel like I'm saying goodbye to loved ones. I legit don't know what I'm gonna do for a while.

One thing I do know I AM gonna do is I'm not going anywhere in the fandom. Space Mama will be around for a long time to come 😊💜 I've got fics to write and friendships to maintain!

All that's left to say is thank you. Thank you to every single person who have come into my life and will continue to be a part of it. Thank you to Dave Filoni (who I know, at least, started the show and brought the Bad Batch into Clone Wars) Jennifer Corbett, Brad Rau, the Kiner's, Joel Aron and, of course, Michelle Ang and Dee Bradley Baker for bringing this fantastic show to life.

In the words of Hunter: "Change takes getting used to. You'll see. Just give it time." Words we're all going to have to live by.

But also, in his words: "If this is where you want to be, then this is where you'll stay."

This is where I want to be...and this is where I'll stay 💜💜

May the Force be with us all...always 💜

#star wars the bad batch #the bad batch #bad batch hunter #bad batch crosshair #bad batch echo #bad batch wrecker #bad batch tech

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narcissa-black-supermacy · 1 year

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mutuals you’re thankful for in 2022?

(I even did it on anon for you!!!)

thank you DEAR ANONYMOUS FRIEND whose identity i totally do not know lmao because its not like i asked you to send this to me whattt that would be embarrassing

here we go (in no particular order, this is the way it shows up in my following list)

@fonkeloog : thanks for going along with my nonsense and being open minded and supportive about everything i do even if it's not your thing. love seeing you in my notifications, always <3 your poems and photography are everything, i sincerely wish you all the success with that in 2023. here's to another wonderful year of football and memri memes and kilt smut and complete discord chaos.

@heartofspells : holliiiiiii where do i even begin. meeting you this year has been a fandom changing experience, truly. i love everything you create even if sometimes it makes me cry and kick things. i hope things get less hectic for you this year so you can rain on us with more angst and poetic porn. thank you for letting me rant and brainstorm ideas and you're always welcome to dump your thoughts on me whenever <3 i never don't enjoy hearing those. hope we get to spit even more this year together.

@tracingpatternswrites : mallllll my LOVE. i think you're my fandom soulmate. everything you write makes me lose my mind and i care about all your pieces as if they're my own. thank you for being the push and support i needed to explore new things and pairings this year (here's to more threesomes and incest in the upcoming year ahaha). ALSO. we should. totally co-write something this year. something horrific and ground shattering. (once i'm done with all my oneshots). the internet would never recover.

@soloorganaas : bestieeee. what do i even say? you're literally like the only one of two and a half people in total on this website (one of them being me lol) whom i trust blindly and completely with our boys and with wolfstar in particular. it either takes us 13 business days to get back to each other or we can talk for 3 hours straight non-stop. we should do more things like hanukka wolfstar this year. push our (correct) agendas in this fandom. co-writing something with you one day would be the dream. maybe sometime this year?

@sweetpeasandlilies : bruh with the amount of stuff you've been through this past year i'm surprised you're still on tumblr akjdgh so HUGE respect for that seriously. i'm still blocked by like 27 people because of you lmao but good riddance i guess. ain't nobody gonna stop us. i live for your writing and for your shitposts. honestly. its everything.

@padfootastic : dude what can i say?? a breathe of fresh fucking air is what you are on this hellsite. and i know you're busy as hell these days but seeing you on here and your ideas and your writing (and your tagsss bruh your tags i read all of those just so yknow) is one of the things keeping me from losing my mind in here. if we had fandom elections i would vote you in as the authority on everything james potter and sirius black. i trust no one but you.

@mxlfoydraco : serra <3333 i live for your tags. you put drarry and amazing (actually diverse) fanart and Correct Opinions on our dashes and i love you for that. this place would not have been the same without you. fandom is alive and flourishing thanks to people like you who comment and give reccs and keep older fics and fanarts alive (and ship jegulus without disrespecting Sirius the MVP Black) and i couldn't be more grateful. please keep blessing us with your presence and the legendary Queue.

@leogichidaa : your writing is honestly ground breaking, and the limitless creativity of your genius ideas never fails to amaze me. if i had to hire a team of writers for a canon marauders story, you would be the first on that list - we need more people who do reg and the others justice with their writing. i can't wait to see what else you will bless us with this upcoming 2023 <33

@artemisia-black : it's hard being a person with Correct Opinions(tm) on a site like tumblr in a fandom like the marauders but you are doing AMAZING. please never stop writing what you write and talking about the Blacks, people like you and your metas are the backbone of this fandom. wish i could make everyone sit down and read those before they touch our precious characters.

@sequinhaze : yazz! very excited and honoured to be calling you a mutual tbh, after i've been stalking your blog and writing forever now lol. you are Wrong about prongsfoot but i forgive you for that because you're Right about literally everything else and that's so much more important to me. i selfishly hope that you never stop writing for this fandom because you offer such a refreshing take on most characters and your characterisation is always on point. ily. wishing you peace and happiness this upcoming year (and wishing myself loads of unbreakable heaven porn w feelings).

@broomsticks : jackieeee you're one of the rare people in this fandom who is completely open minded to new ideas and dynamics, and is the definition of a multi-shipper. i don't think i know one single other person on this hellsite who likes both remadora and wolfstar and blackcest and peter and snape and isn't afraid to talk about it. alsoo! your tagging system. duude. i wish my blog looked like that wtf.

@elvendorx : (i forgot what your main blog is sorryyy) - we didn't really get a chance to interact much yet but i just wanted to let you know that your metas on the mwpp in general and james and sirius in particular are absolutely golden and i appreciate them so much. wish i could make it a legal requirement to fully read and sign those before anybody so much as thinks of writing about j&s. looking forward to more of you in 2023.

@roalinda : thank you for putting prongsfoot on my dash <33 we desperately lack content for them and even the blogs that do post about them are usually still centric around a different ship. we need more people like you honestly. and i looove your additions in the tags, always read those.

@squintclover : rorryyyyy <33 your microfics and your writing are everything. i love it. always appreciate seeing you on my dash. i hope we get more chances to interact this upcoming year and i can't wait to find out what you've got in store for us.

@benjamin-ovich : i just want to thank you for writing what is one of the most amazing and heart breaking prongsfoot masterpieces i've ever read. i still need to leave a proper comment on that which is not just me screaming incoherently but just know that i've gone back several times to reread some parts. especially the first chapter and the memories. ((the scene where sirius tries to roughly "fuck lily out of him" lives in my head rent free. literally. one of the hottest prongsfoot scenes in existence wtf)).

#thats it #i think??#oh gosh im really hoping im not forgetting anyone #i love yall <3333 #thanks for making this fandom a better place #asks

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bi-bats · 1 month

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rapidly shaking your hands up and down, meesh

Jaytim are the epitome of "stay together, because neither of you should be inflicted on other people" and "I don't want what you have. But it seems to work for you so go off I guess"

LIZ BESTIE YOU ARE SO CORRECT AND IT'S SOMETHING I'VE MENTIONED BEFORE ON HERE AND I FORGET WHERE BUT FR

MY FAVORITE FLAVOR OF THEM IS NOBODY DESERVES TO HAVE TO PUT UP WITH EITHER OF THEM AND NEITHER OF THEM DESERVES ANYTHING BUT EACH OTHER!!! THEY DESERVE EACH OTHER (AFFECTIONATELY DEROGATORY)*

*worth noting that this is also true of damitim in my heart of hearts

#🗡🐕 ragnarokhound #i do not remember why I made this your bestie tag but I sure did do that #anyways hi liz!!!!#missed you!!!!#i love all my fandom ppl and I wish I had more energy to be active rn 💚#fr tho i love hearing from yall and every time one of you sends me an ask or a post or something a kitten is born #or a puppy or a tree or an angel or something #it makes the world a better place fr thank you for doing your part #batsasks #bibatrambles #jaytim

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matan4il · 3 days

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I once again would like to thank you for still keeping up this blog. You're a true gift to us Alice. Thank you for not giving up on those who are too scared to speak up. Thank you for giving more information than is portrayed in the news so we're more informed. Thank you for not letting the hate spewed on anon bring you down. Thank you. Thank you.

Dom, you absolute lovely! Thank YOU so much, again and again! It's such a comfort to simply be reminded that true allies like you exist in this world, true friends, and that is the real gift. I hope you're doing well, and that you know how much you mean to me, and to other Jewish bloggers who follow my blog, and see your kind and caring messages. You do so much more good than you realize! I'm sending you endless love, hon! xoxox

#ask #dominikadecember #fandom love #kindness #thank you!#always!#<33333 #people who make the world a better place #i swear #just by existing

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iloveyouitisruiningmylife · 6 months

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so I was thinking this since yesterday because of these tags on the webweave

and this one came after that

and it made me think like what if. what if. it's actually not that deep it's just me who's so emotionally attached to this piece of media because i have known it for this long and it's my coping mechanism.like what if that second person watches jjk and doesn't connect with them like this and they end up hating it because i gave them hope and i made it deeper than it is💀

i am so mad at your brain for spiralling down this road because all i can think is OMG!!!!!! YOUR WEBWEAVE IS SO AWESOME PEOPLE WANT TO WATCH THE SHOW JUST BECAUSE OF SOME PICS AND QUOTES GLUED TOGETHER!!!!!!!!!! also pls i love the first tags so cute with DO ANOTHER!!!!

#vio babe in my experience #main kaise samjhau without hurting you 😭#but like the canon is always so much more underwhelming than fanmade material 😭#like for kpop you look at the content they give us and you look at the fan fiction ekdum zameen asmaan ka farak hai #but like i don't think you should feel guilty or something because like as a fan all it makes me think is omg #people writers artists are so fucking cool and poetic and awesome how did they take something simple and beautiful and turn it into #something completely different deeper richer better more fleshed out how did they put so much thought into this #and how im so so so thankful that this media existed as a base so that these wonderful artists could get inspired and make such #beautiful things for the world to see #like yk how i felt na seeing stsg i was like that's it??? what are people so crazy about that was barely anything??????#but the fandom made me love them so much more than canon did because they analysed every little interaction #every quirk or smile or dialogue and made something complicatted and big out of it and now i see the full picturr and it all falls into #place??#like canon is just adhoora without people like you okay you make it more loveable accessible you're literally carrying the fandom on your #that guy what's his name gege? he should fucking send u thank you cards and like 5000 dollars for making that webweave okay #ok bohot zyada bol diya if my point got lost somewhere i just mean ki ily and your over thinking brain #vio love

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lookedlikethebins · 7 months

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SUPRISE!

I didn't do the work i needed to do yet tonight BUT

I did just finish a draft of an angsty ~5k mostly-internal-george-narrative gatty-centric fic WHICH MEANS

i'm going to do some actual work and then (after like, maybe a nap?) revise, edit, and then post her!!

(also, new rule, per that lovely anon from this past weekend: i'm not going to think too hard about this; i wanted to write this so i did!! and i always end up writing a really prosey/emo/basically committing every single one of my self-indulgent writing habits in a fic--and they get mixed reviews but man, y'all have been so nice and encouraging and forgiving i'm just going to do it!! and if you like it, that's very sick and awesome thank you ily and if it's not your cup of tea thank you for even glancing at it. i'll be back with regularly scheduled programming soon.)

anyway... now i'm going to go uhhh, edit an entire manuscript of a book that so far is not my cup of tea... wish me luck. ty and gn x

#i am so excited i have something... even if it's sort of like. not really plot but more character study of a moment sort of thing #i'm just so excited to share more i love writing things that feel like they END so i can just #here!! this is what *I* was thinking and now it's your turn (if you want to share)!! ya know??#fandom is the one place where a fic can be finished but the writer doesn't necessarily have to be done... if that makes sense?#like in academia that bitch better be PRINTER READY like it has to be everything you want to say...#but i had a thought and i wrote it and i liked it and it feels like everything i was interested in exploring and articulating #and it's not a Definable Plot i don't even think it has a Defined Setting with Description but that's bc this is not academia!!! fuck it!#can you tell i'm in Editor in Chief mode? sorry sorry i get very verbose when i edit sorry #ANYWAY if you read to here thank you!!! and i'll see YOU on ao3 tomorrow :))#OH double bonus if you get down this far... i may perhaps be open to prompts...#since so far the whiplash and range of my fics is pretty uhhh ya know... interesting lol #smth to mediate me serving you whatever the hell my brain cooks up while i'm in egregiously long meetings that should've been emails...#OKAY now i really should probably go edit... love u bye #from v #del

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youremyonlyhope · 2 years

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Observing the fandoms of shows I watch that have lots of fans that skew younger makes me kind of marvel at how different things are in online fandom even just 10 years after I was their age.

Like, I know I probably sounded like I was losing my mind every 5 seconds in posts I made as a teenager, but some things I see nowadays are actually concerning. I see people taking things waaaayyyyyy too seriously. It’s a TV show. It’s not obligated to go in the direction you want it to. It’s not the end of the world when it doesn’t. It’s not even the end of the TV show yet. Who’s to say it won’t go in that direction eventually, or even do something completely different that you’ll like even more than what you initially wanted? And outside the bubble of those younger fans on tumblr and twitter, no one really cares about the same issues that are being blown out of proportion here.

#no spoilers but i'll tag just in case #st spoilers #stranger things spoilers #specifically this is about stranger things and umbrella academy but i also saw it in the julie and the phantoms fandom too #but i'm seeing people act like a certain ship not becoming canon is the end of everything #am i the only one who had the sense to realize that realistically it probably wouldn't be canon and at least not right now if ever #like can we not joke about coming after a teenage actor because they ship the ship that didn't become canon and gave people hope #the actor just wanted to interact with fans. nothing malicious. honestly it's not even misleading.#anyway it's 2am and i watched stranger things this morning and then rewatched episode 8 when my brother watched it #and i'm still like processing the whole season so i can't even allow myself to pay attention to these younger fans #i just see the posts and tweets and i'm like '...nope... really glad i'm not that age right now... not gonna even touch that issue...'#honestly. these kids need glee. that desensitized me from asking for stuff from my shows because then it'd happen #and then it'd blow up in some weird way or just get undone by the end of a season or just be stupid and not what i wanted #only rarely did things i REALLY want to happen happen on glee. the rest of the time i was just along for the ride.#and that's the mindset i have when watching tv shows to this day. so honestly. thank you glee.#quick someone find the gif of soos in gravity falls saying 'this better be exactly like my fanfiction or i will be VERY disappointed.'#also something being hinted at and foreshadowed doesn't make it predictable when it happens. it makes it planned.#i swear. people are getting too used to shock killings or plot twists out of nowhere that they're forgetting what foreshadowing is.#the finale has a 9.6 rating on IMDB right now. a site that is infamous for being incredibly skewed if even half a fandom hates something.#(believe me. doctor who's IMDB ratings are all over the place due to a loud group of Thirteen's haters)#so if even a good chunk of the fandom disliked the finale then the score would be much lower. but it's not.#maybe it will go down a bit as more people watch. but this is not game of thrones. but i see people treating it like it is.#and really only focusing on 2 or 3 maybe 4 specific issues and writing off everything else.#(not trying to swat a hornet's nest or start crazy discourse and my anon is turned off so just don't come at me. i don't care.)

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lepakonpaska · 1 year

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[happy rambling in the tags because i love my job so much ✨️🌻]

#im feeling happier than i have in years!!#i love tattoo culture a lot and this specific studio is PERFECT for me #there's three other people working there which is honestly a perfect amount. i don't get overwhelmed but i can still be social #and like. one of them is a cool as shit woman who also hosts queer kink events and is as neck deep in fandom culture as i am #one is a guy running on three redbulls/hour and has a need to draw dicks EVERYWHERE. he also has a rainbow skull called princess skulldaddy #and my mentor is the kindest person ever even tho she pretends to be a grouchy old woman #she is already super protective over me and when i was complaining that i can't glare at people effectively enough she was like #'awww but it's good that you're so sweet! never let people take that quality from you' and i was like cool thanks im gonna cry #also I've annoyed her into listening to my favorite bands! yesterday st aurora started playing in the studio so i naturally went '👀!!!'#and she was like 'that's right you fucking bastard you've convinced me to join your cult' 😌#also the clients are really cool too!!#also also the studio is a sponsor for helsinki pride and we're gonna have a queer book club and wine & create evening etc and AHHHHHH #and it's right by the sea at the PRETTIEST place with a lot of trees and boats and swans and god i got so lucky like? am i dreaming??#i get to make art be gay as hell learn tattooing and chat with really cool and nice people all day genuinely what could be better #personal

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a-crepusculo · 1 year

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🤍

#i have been so incredibly LATE in everything #but to everyone that has tagged me and #showered me with love these past couple of days #THANK YOU.#thank you so much for thinking of little ol me #thank you for being here with us #thank you for making the fandom a better place #i truly appreciate it so so much 🤍🤍🤍#i keep saying that life has been brutal #and it’s true #but coming back here and seeing all the love #being shared around really makes me wanna cry #cry in a good way!!! lol #but yeah. i love you guys #and i do hope everyone is well and happy <3 #will catch up suuuuper soon on the posts!!!#choices fandom appreciation week

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rogue205 · 2 years

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Oh my god I HATE fan entitlement!!!!

So what, the trend these days if you don’t like how others are creating material like shows and movies for you to enjoy, and something happens you decide you don’t like, the answer is to create a petition to change it. 🙄🙄🙄🙄 That or try and blackmail the show runners just so you can get what you want.

Let’s just ignore the fact that you’re damn lucky to even get these shows and movies in the FIRST PLACE and just enjoy what you are given!!!! (Yes, I bitch when things happened that I hated but I would never do any of the above because it is what it is. I’m still gonna complain though because it’s simply my opinion.)

#my rant #looking at you stranger things umbrella academy and even voltron #game of thrones was really bad too for this #just enjoy what you are given for gods sake #this kind of fan pandering is already wrecking star wars #thanks a lot Disney #😡😡😡#so far umbrella academy is standing their ground so good for that #voltron fandom is TOXIC as hell and the show runners and voice actors deserved WAY better than what was done to them #stranger things will be toxic soon enough so I guess it’s a good thing the show is going to end soon #Disney doesn’t care about Star Wars which makes me wonder why they bought it in the first place #oh yeah for the money but they will fan pander the shit out of it while they go

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azrielbrainrot · 3 months

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I Laugh Like Me Again... She Laughs Like You

Azriel x Reader

Description: Azriel would give anything to hold you one more time.

Warnings: Angst, Mourning, mention of suicide

Word Count: 3652

Notes: I don't even know where this came from. I was listening to sweet music by hozier and thought "what if I gave Azriel more trauma". The idea popped into my head and it basically wrote itself. I can't believe I have to say this but with this fandom I'm not risking it: this wasn't written to hate on Elain (or any other character) or incite anyone else to do so. Keep your stupid fights off my post, please and thank you. Hope you enjoy!

Part 2

Another family dinner at the river house meant another night of watching everyone around him happy and in love. Azriel didn't think of himself as egotistical, would never think the love his brothers are experiencing is undeserved either, but it reminds him of a time where he was the only one in the Inner Circle with a partner, of when his brothers were the ones confessing to him how jealous they were of how he had found someone that loved him so much, of a time he never thought would have an end. It reminds him of you.

He looks himself in the mirror as he buttons up the navy shirt, trying to ignore the vacant room behind him. If you were here with him you would have been making jokes about his insistence on keeping the blue theme going in his clothes even though he swears he doesn't think too much about what to wear or his appearance in general.

On a good day, you'd be helping him with the small buttons right now, with shadows swirling around your legs and looking up at him the way you knew would take his breath away every time. On an even better day, he'd have your back pressed against his chest, his fingers inside your familiar heat, the other hand wrapped around your throat so you could watch him play with your body, panting his name and clawing at his arm, pleading with him to keep going, to let you touch him. He'd be late for an entirely different reason, not for getting held up talking to his spies, and then getting lost in his memories.

Sensing his thoughts, his meddling shadows move to his desk, filtering into the drawer they knew held a small velvet box. The dark wisps carefully picked it up and set it on top of the dark wood. Leaving it there and moving back to their original places around the darkened room, letting him decide for himself if he wanted to open it or not.

It had been a while since the last time he touched it, busy as he was these days. There were times he would sit and look at it every day, sometimes without even daring to open it and look inside. But there were also times where even the sight of the navy velvet would suddenly suffocate him with the reminder of your sweet scent, one he would never be able to smell again. It would make him hide the box at the back of his drawer, the back of his mind.

Over the last few years, his reactions to it had gotten milder, an unwilling acceptance of the fact that he would never see you again allowed him to reminisce on the happy memories you had together, even the sad ones, every little fight you had seemed so inconsequential now, he'd give anything to be able to have any moment with you back, to hear you say his name one more time.

He walks to the desk, only hesitating for a beat before grabbing and opening the box. His heart throbs as he stares at the ring sitting inside, thumbing at the empty space left behind by it on his finger instinctively. He had never liked rings, didn't like anything that brought attention to his hands or rubbed against the rough skin but the moment you slid the silver ring into his finger it felt right, he had never wanted to take it off. Azriel would wear a ring on each finger if it showed the world he was yours.

He wore the ring for an entire decade after you died, even after all hope that you could still be alive had left him, he couldn't bring himself to let go of it, to let go of you. His mother had been the one to tell him he needed to stop wearing it, that holding onto it, onto the past would only bring him more heartache. He could still hear her begging him with tears in her eyes, not bearing to see her son in such a state, but he had only actually taken it off when Rhys was taken by Amarantha.

He had thrown the ring into the Sidra that night. He's not sure if it had been anger, frustration or simply hopelessness that drove him to it in that moment. He was tired of not being able to protect anyone, tired of losing his people, the people he never thought he would even find when he was just a boy sitting in a dark humid cell. It must have been that boy's pain, still inside him, that drove him to act like that. If it hadn't been for his shadows immediately flying after it he would have lost it, wouldn't have this reminder of a happy time sitting in front of him right now, it had helped him ground himself more than once during the years following that night. His shadows had saved him from himself once again.

He closes the box gently, rubbing at the smooth texture of the velvet, trying not to let himself get lost in your memory and the bitterness that followed at the injustice of it all. Your marriage had only lasted a little over a decade, he's had to live with your ghost for much longer than that now. Still, he knows he won't forget that time no matter how many more years he lives, and, even if it's another five centuries, he knows he'll still wish he had had the chance to spend them all with you.

Some of the pain has dulled, most days at least, but the guilt still eats at him. He should have known something was going to happen, should have reached you sooner, should have told someone to go with you, should have gone himself, should have been the one to die in your place. The millions of possibilities will likely invade his brain until his last breath, after which he'll finally be able to see you again. That was another thought that had consumed him far too often in the beginning. If it wasn't for his mother, his brothers and Mor, if it weren't for the pain it would cause them, he would have taken Truth Teller to his neck just for the chance to see you one more time.

Azriel? His wings go rigid and he tightens his hold on the box at the sudden intrusion. He tries to push his thoughts as far back into his mind as he can before lowering his mental shields, almost letting out a sigh of relief at finding them in place, hoping his brother couldn't get a glimpse of his thoughts. He hands the box to his shadows so they can safely place it back inside his drawer. Are you still coming, brother?

Yes. He moves back to the mirror and finishes buttoning his shirt while trying to keep his tone as nonchalant as possible. However, the hesitation on the other side tells him Rhys sensed exactly what was holding him up in his room, he knows him better than anyone after all.

Hurry then. We're all waiting for you. Azriel closes his walls as soon as he feels his brother's absence in his mind. He knows they miss you too. They had welcomed you with open arms and considered you part of the family after their marriage. Everyone in the Inner Circle took a big hit when you went missing. He will never forget Cassian's face when he arrived to see Azriel kneeling down in a pool of your blood, with no body to be found. His brother wore his heart on his sleeve and it had shattered that night. There were countless sleepless nights for everyone following that moment.

They all threw themselves at finding you in any way they could. There was enough blood on the floor to tell them you had died but none of them wanted to believe it. Azriel talked to every single one of his spies multiple times, ordering them to track every movement in their respective areas. Rhys sent letters to every ally he had and then joined Cassian and Mor in searching every corner of Prythian personally. Even Amren, ever the logical emotionless one, searched for you with every means she could, contacting friends the spymaster didn't even know existed. But, one by one, they all had to accept the truth, Azriel ending up being the most hesitant to.

He had long since killed the attackers, putting them through as much pain as possible for as long as he could keep them alive, making them regret ever touching you. But that didn't help with the gaping hole in his chest, nothing helped. They didn't know how to find your body either. Rhys looked through every corner of their minds and only found them leaving you behind, bleeding on the cold ground.

Rhys refused to show him the memory, no matter how much he begged him to let him see you one more time. Now he knows his brother was just trying to protect him, not wanting that to be Azriel's last memory of you, with the amount of blood left behind he knew you couldn't have been in good shape, but at the time he lashed out at his brother like he had never done before, probably would have killed him in blind rage if it hadn't been for Cassian trying to hold him back and if Rhys wasn't Rhys. Thinking back he should have thanked him instead, for holding onto such a painful memory and keeping it to himself so no one else had to suffer from it.

Even if he couldn't see you again, he still wishes that he had your body to bury at least. Azriel doesn't know how the Mother could be so cruel as to not only let you die so soon, so painfully without at least letting him find your body so he could put you to rest next to your parents' graves. It would also give him a place to talk to you, to feel as close to you as possible.

The pain almost came back in full when Rhysand first told him about Feyre. Jealousy had reared its ugly head at the fondness in his brother's gaze, the slight tint to his cheeks at just saying her name. He was happy for Rhys, especially after everything he'd been through, but that happiness couldn't hold a candle to the pain he felt. He remembers the night he confided in his brothers about the lovely female he had met, how she had told him she loved him, it had been much like that one.

To make matters worse, the first thing he remembered when Rhys told him about his mate was a stupid bet the two of you had made - you had been adamant that Cassian, as sweet as he is, would be the next to get married, Azriel had voted for Rhys, one of his many conquests were bound to work out one day. He won and yet he didn't feel victorious at all. He couldn't even tell you of your loss, see how pouty you get when it happens, ever the sore loser. Didn't even remember the prize but there was no way for you to give it to him now either way. What hurt the most was that he couldn't even tell you his brother had found his mate. These were the best news in over a century and he just wanted to share them with you, wanted to share everything with you.

He takes another look at the mirror with a small sigh, straightening his wings and making sure his face doesn't give anything away before calling to his shadows. He feels them wrap around him slowly, giving him some comfort before taking him directly to the river house.

“Almost thought you weren't coming.” He was still half covered in shadows when he heard Cassian's voice. Everyone was standing around talking to each other, waiting on him. The guilt was tugging at his heart strings again. Why would he ever feel like he needed more than a family that loved him? Who was he to think this wasn't enough for him? It was something he could only dream of when he was younger.

“He's here now. That's all that matters,” the smile Feyre gave him was warmer than usual and her hand lingered on his shoulder for a second too long. Azriel looks over to Rhys, finding him already looking at him, studying his face. He had told his mate of whatever he sensed in his mind then. He hoped neither of them brought it up at least, now or later. What good would admit he misses his dead wife do? No one can bring you back to him.

“Finally. I'm starving.” Cassian clapped his shoulder as he passed by him on the way to the already set table, sitting down immediately. Everyone followed in his footsteps, greeting Azriel and finding their seats. Seems he really had kept them waiting.

Conversation picked back up naturally and he let himself fall into the usual rhythm of these dinners, letting his body relax around his family, forgetting about his old life for the moment. He walked over to the already set table and took his seat next to Elain, as it usually was these days. The seating arrangements had moved around a bit over the last years to accommodate not only the new additions to their little circle but also the relationships in them. He used to always sit next to Cassian but now had given the seat up to his beautiful mate. It left him next to Elain most times since they were the only single fae at the table.

Elain gave him a soft smile as he sat down and he nodded at her with a smile of his own. They had been getting closer ever since she was turned to fae and started living in Velaris. Her quiet nature quickly drew him to her, feeling at ease almost immediately with the middle Archeron sister. But he had to have been blind not to see the way she looked at him, not to notice the enamored smile she gave him.

Sometimes he let himself wonder if things could work between them. She had a mate but it was clearer with each passing day that she didn't feel anything for the male tied to her. It was also obvious how well Azriel and Elain got along, fitting into each other's lives almost seamlessly. He didn't love her but couldn't say seeing himself fall for the lovely female was such a far-fetched idea. She was a beautiful and kind fae, loving her would probably be as easy as breathing.

When everyone had been made aware of the mating bonds, he had even considered if the Mother had made a mistake. His two brothers had ended up with two of the sisters after all. Now he can see he was just desperate for a bond like theirs. In truth, he wouldn't even know what he would have done if Elain had truly been his mate. Would he finally put you behind him? Would he have thrown the ring away again, for good this time? He knows he couldn't bring himself to even with the power of a mating bond. You were etched deep into his skin just like the bargain marks inked into his shoulders.

As the dinner moved on and they made their way to the sofas in the sitting room, his family was already more than lively. Mor had busted out one of Rhysand's old wine bottles, setting the mood for the rest of the night. Azriel had completely relaxed by then, letting himself enjoy their company, his shadows retreating almost completely around the room. Finally having some reprieve from the particularly insistent thoughts that were plaguing his mind today.

Cassian was telling a story he had heard a thousand times now but he still laughed along with everyone else. Listening to Cass tell the story so many times wouldn't make the fact that he had flown straight into a river any less funny. Azriel even remembered the following part, the one Cass doesn't include in the story which was after they pulled him out and he had gotten sick for a week, making him miss practice and lose every spar with him and Rhys for the next months.

Even old stories had a new life with new people around, it was the first time the sisters heard this one, judging by the slight tint to Nesta's cheeks as she laughed at her mate and how hard Feyre was clutching at Rhys' arm to ground herself. Even Elain was laughing hard enough that her body was shaking. Her laugh was soft and melodic, a lovely sound really, but it suddenly opened a familiar pit in his stomach. It reminded him of you. She wasn't quite as loud and her eyes didn't immediately water like yours but the way she raised her hand to her face was similar. And just like that the illusion of happiness he had created shattered.

She was nothing like you but he still found you in every thing she did, in everything anyone did. He couldn't go to half of the city's bakeries and shops without thinking of you and every moment you spent there. He had even changed rooms in every one of Rhysand's houses, not bearing to sleep in the same bed you had held him in. Everyone in the Inner Circle had learned to avoid certain topics, certain stories in fear they would remind him of you. Even your name was rarely mentioned unless he did so first or strictly necessary. Every thought of getting over you was nothing more than wishful thinking. It was like his entire soul was begging him to go to you, but you weren't anywhere in this world.

This had to be one of the worst parts of his routine lately, having to take extra care to school his features when spending time with his brothers and their mates. If his face showed any sign of how much he missed you, how much he wished he could hug you to him just like they can do with them, they would immediately look at him with pain in their eyes, pain for what he lost and will never get back.

It had taken too long to get used to how differently they treated him after what happened. He had to start a fight to get them to stop treating him like he could break at any second when it was the truth. They knew it as well as he did, but they also knew that they had to let Azriel mourn in his own way, that there was nothing they could do besides stay by his side.

You weren't mates - maybe the pain he feels would never compare to what his brothers would go through if their mates ever met the same fate as you - but that had never mattered to him. His soul sang for you the same way he sang for his shadows, you were written into his very being just like they were. And, most importantly, there wasn't a single fiber in his body that wanted to live without you.

Even a mate could never erase you from his memory, even if you had been alive. He doubts if a mating bond had snapped between you two at the time, you would have gotten any deeper into him than you already were. He can't imagine loving you, wanting you more than he already did was possible.

He felt his shadows move to him, almost sending them away thinking they were coming to comfort him again, hiding him from the world as usual. Their urgency gave them away, and by the way Rhysand's body tensed across from him he also had noticed something amiss.

“What happened?” The High Lord's voice cut through the atmosphere immediately, everyone looked to him for an explanation and got ready for any possibility. His entire body stood still when his shadows told him they felt someone winnowing into the townhouse.

“Someone's in the townhouse,” he stood up as he spoke, sending some of his shadows out to find out as much as they could and the rest around Velaris to check if there were any other disturbances.

“Who could get past the wards?” He felt a shield around them, Rhys had likely set it up around his house. Cassian's siphons were flickering red as they all prepared for what could come next. Velaris was more than well protected, especially after the attacks before the war, but the High Lord's homes were nearly impossible to get into uninvited, Azriel himself had helped make sure of it.

“I don't know,” he held onto Truth Teller as he waited for his shadows or his High Lord and Lady to find something. His shadows were being strangely lax about the whole situation, maybe this was someone who knew of a way to go around his gift, keep them distracted.

It took longer than usual to receive a response from them, making him and everyone around him more concerned by the second. By now everyone was donning a sword or weapon of some sort, only waiting on more information before splitting up to keep Velaris safe and find the intruders.

When his shadows finally appeared they wasted no time rushing to his ear, at last sensing his urgency in the matter. Their answer was one nothing could have prepared him for, his heart felt like it was going to beat out of his chest.

His shadows came back carrying a once familiar tune. They came back singing your name.

#azriel x reader #azriel x you #azriel x y/n #azriel angst #azriel fic #azriel acotar #azriel shadowsinger #acotar fic #divider by saradika

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